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Everything posted by DarkCh0c0

  1. You are on point. All your concerns are valid. As boltnrun said, he's not ready nor wanting to be a dad. The talk you had in the car was him telling you he's reconsidering things and he's halfway out. This man doesn't want a family, and doesn't want to work/ value hard work and having goals in life. You are simply not compatible, and it took you some time to see that. And, that's okay. You know what to do. I'd suggest calling it off, and focusing on your career and being happy. The right man will come along the way. He isn't the one you thought he is.
  2. Also, I hope you also get therapy because your boundaries and limits are so damaged now. Your sense of self and of healthy loving companionship is gone. Which is a side effect of being with people like this. Once you'll fully separate, you'll realize this. So, please, seek a good therapy to work on yourself. You are worthy of love. Healthy love.
  3. I get her background, but right now she's on a self destruct mode. She's not wife material. Not until she realizes how much she messed up towards you and herself. Not until she seeks therapy and meds on a long term basis. Not until she works on her trauma with a professional. But now, you've got nothing. She's happy how she is. She likes the trouble. And she is CARELESS AND SELFISH. Manipulative too. And you got manipulated into not seeking divorce, which was your true inner being calling. My ex did the same to me. And when I broke up again, he told me he's going to suicide, he's vomiting, passing out on the floor, blablabla. Looking back, it was extremely low of him to do so. I have pitty now for people who do this. It's completely unacceptable completely selfish!! And guess what? He's doing fine . Your wife will do fine too. She'll manage cause she HAS TO. Take care of you. Please seek divorce asap and stop ALL COMMUNICATION. I would also suggest not sleeping in the same place until this is over. I'm sorry it has come to this, but this is the path she chose, over you.
  4. Okay. So you guys are incompatible. How come you got married before realising these differences? Didn't she have a wet brain from the alcohol already? Also, did she not work then? How was she supporting herself? Were you okay with it, but now you're not? Aside from the disability, you have different money/life goals and lifestyles. These are, again, huge incompatibilities. They will be difficult to solve, specially as one of you wants the other to act differently. So, my advice is to slowly end this. Use this as a lesson to only look for healthy, loving, compatible and single people who have been out of a relationship a long time ago and who are managing life on their own.
  5. I agree. Ask, ask, ask about the new role.Also, do you like your direct manager? How's the culture? I'd say, when you visit in the second interview, try to see how the vibe is. You can also ask how is the team, the day to day reporting (stand-ups or ...?) And what are the general expectation. Ask, ask, and ask. +You're still a contractor. So, in worse case scenario, if you end up really not liking it there, you quit! Easy. You look for other clients. That's the freedom we get as contractors. Or you stay until you find something else. At least you'd have an extra on your CV. And, hey! You got this job. You deserve it. And, if they reached out to you, then you're going to do a great job. They need you and your skillset. And, finally, enjoy either of choices! You'll be okay in each. There's no right answer really.
  6. Yea. You're forcing this. Instead of accepting his feelings and dealing with the fact that he's literally telling you he wants to be young, have fun, and see other people- you're finding "something you can do" for each excuse. It doesn't matter what he'll say, you're so stubborn and self-focused that you aren't able to see his side of his story and the end of this relationship. Anyways, he didn't know how to be firm and tell you it's over, so now he's ghosting you. Young age, low experience, ... He probably doesn't know how to and you're not leaving room for him to spell it out either. So, accept the end this. No contact. And focus on your studies, having fun, and healing. You'll be okay. Don't let it strike your ego too much.
  7. Your needs should always go first, even in a relationship. They should be taken in consideration equally as your partner's. He's a stay at home dad and he has more time to support you, but instead, all he does is abuse/dismiss your feelings. Yep. Kick him to the curb and insure your child's rights.
  8. I'm sorry it's like this. Indeed, a good partner would have supported you, and even suggested some tactics so that you feel safe and it doesn't affect the relationship too much. It's sad, but he'll always be like this. Always was. So, you know what to do. Take care of you and your child. Please ask friends and family for support, and don't do it all alone.
  9. I don't really agree with posters above. The bf sounds unsupportive and abusive. @Wallflower89 why is he so critic and puts you down like this? Do you yell at him out of anxiety? Or, is it more like you're expressing your worries/feelings and he turns them against you? I think you are very right in re-considering this relationship. He sounds very unsupportive, that you're better off alone.
  10. Hard to tell if she's cheating, or simply going through a phase where she's outgrown the relationship and wants to have a lot of fun. Don't go in with the mindset that she's cheating. Keep the conversation open and see where it'll lead. I'm sorry man. It happens at this age. People change.
  11. That is really messed up. He's not handling this in a good way, and he's not that committed. As others said, part ways for now. He's in a different stage in his life. It is indeed a concern. As catfeeder mentioned:
  12. I would agree with @Andrina I wouldn't offer to keep in touch. It's better to keep healthy boundaries so that you can fully move on. For now, the baby needs to stay out of the equation. And, If you really insist, get his social media profile and check out his baby pictures/updates (if any). That's the most far you can go with this. It's all Up to you. But, we're suggesting what's the best to heal and keep an open heart for other potential partners. You never know!
  13. @takewhatuwant being so different causes incompatibilities in the longer term. I have met many like you while traveling abroad. You guys value freedom and usually when someone finds a partner, you bond best with someone that shares this value (along with others). That's how it works. Have you thought... Your ex might not accept that you occasionally travel and be so free all the time in the long term? He might want you to be a more classical daily grind kind of person. It just won't turn out pretty. I personally also highly value freedom, and so it's 100% better to seek someone on that similar wavelength. You have to ask yourself: what are my values? Are they a good match in the long run with this potential partner? Cause if not, even if it feels good at first, such incompatibilities will create frustrations later. Don't always let your feelings (fear/guilt/even love sometimes) control the steering wheel. Acknowledge them, but don't act on them. And, It'll be okay. I am very sure you'll find a more fit and loving partner. Take care of you for now, and enjoy your travel! Sounds exciting.
  14. Okay. His words are saying one thing, and his actions are totally not matching up. You've had enough time and proof to see that he's still involved with this woman and treats her as if she's still his wife. You're just an extra now for attention and sex most probably (sorry, it hurts). Solution: end it and block him everywhere. Find single men who have been long out of a relationship, and work on your self-worth. You deserve an available and loving man. He isn't the one you thought he'd be.
  15. @takewhatuwant he has a kid and is a workaholic if I remember well. You're a free spirit with no limits. Focus on being you for now. The fact that you consider reconciling in 2023 is just very absurd. Likewho does that? Go on your travel, and when you're back, if you're still in the same mindset and he's available... It won't hurt to try. But you can't tell someone to wait until 2023. That's not how it works. It's quite selfish, to be honest.
  16. Okay. Maybe you miss being in a relationship, but I remember your post and you guys are not compatible. No need to force anything. No need to let this drag on (2023!!). Let it go. Focus on enjoying your new journey and you'll meet a more compatible and healthy person on your way. Relax. He wasn't the one.
  17. I think also what's happening here, is that because you work night shifts, she's not able to have a break from the baby during the night as she has to take care of him/her too. And then during the day, OP is sleeping, and so she almost always has to take care of the baby. It's passive aggressive, but it's good to have an open loving conversation and as @DancingFool, dig your way out. It's all about communication and adapting to this stressful time in your lives.
  18. Man, this isn't high school. Susie and Kate have nothing to do with your job growth. Either find a team leader position in a farther location, wait for one nearby (and suck it up/ be pro), or change company. You're not a victim here. And, if Susie and Kate are acting distant with you, so what. Focus on you, your work, and getting things done. You don't even always have the same shifts if I recall well. Another suggestion: get your mind busy with something else; hobbies, friends, books,... Don't ruminate over this. Own up to your part in the situation, take it as a lesson, and move on. Happens to a lot of people and it doesn't define you as a person.
  19. Yup. You've given your everything into this relationship, lost yourself in the process, and he's emotionally abusive in exchange (which drains you even more). You're totally right. Trust yourself, and that you will take care of yourself. It's indeed time to leave. And, Don't worry about what he'll say. It doesn't matter as you've already made your choice, and a good one for you. So you'll have to stick to it and not bend to his guilt-tripping. Say "this is what I want" and you end the discussion. He's an adult and he'll manage. Be proud you're seeing the way out of this tunnel. Head held high. You can do it. Be easy on yourself.
  20. Yup. I agree with @MissCanuck It's okay. We change, specially in our 20s. I'd definitely break up before the anniversary. Tell him you're not feeling this anymore, and then cut all communication so that you can slowly move forward and heal. Take care of you. Life is too short to stay in a miserable relationship.
  21. Natalie, I suggest you try https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/ it's a quiz to fill and it'll help you see more objectively where your relationship is now.
  22. Yup. Why do you put up with him? I'm sure, if you break up with him, your mental health will improve dramatically. He's acting like a baby, throwing tantrums and guilt tripping you. He's indeed abusive. He saw you in a good mood and wanted to ruin it. Abusive people love to suck others' energy. I suggest you take an abusive relationship score quiz from a good website. https://au.reachout.com/articles/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship for reading, and https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/ as a start/quiz.
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