



And so, if I’m honest a small part of me is a little upset because she did not conform to cultural and societal expectations of being a responsible urban working class big sister. She exposed and facilitated sexual violence against her little sister. She failed to uphold the dominant trope of responsibility that Black girls are often socialized into at very early ages because they are black, poor, and girl. She did not live up to the expectations of what it means to be an urban black girl child whose parents are absent (for various reasons) and who has younger siblings. She was not Troy from Crooklyn who raised her brothers after her mother’s death. She was not LaRhette from Take the Lead who raised her sister while her mother did drugs. She was not Maxine from Soul Food who helped to raise her younger sister. She was not Frankie from Set it Off who slept with a man to pay for her brother to go to college.

On a whole the big sister was irresponsible. And the one thing we are told explicitly and implicitly as black girl children is to be responsible because the survival of our black communities is dependent upon us taking on a bunch of responsibilities including mothering (i.e. protecting) our siblings even if we have not being mothered (i.e. protected) ourselves. (And yes I am generalizing because I can . . . it’s my blog.) And, yet my heart grieves for the older sister. It moans and weeps a story of violations . . . a story of silence . . . a story of normalized violence against women and girls . . . my heart grieve.

And what I find equally troubling about this story is how black men including Mr. Feminist himself (straight sarcasm), Russell Simmons, organized a march to highlight what happened in Trenton, New Jersey Not once did they mention rethinking how we should construct a non dominant masculinity or critique the culture of violence against women in the world. Oh, no. Their response to this grave tragedy is to get more men of color to patrol the streets as if rape and gang rape does not happen in safe neighborhoods as if seeing more men walking around will make girls and women feel safer. Perhaps, if this gesture was connected to envisioning a non dominant masculinity and creating a culture of trust among men and women, perhaps, I can co-sign such an activity. But, because this is not the case and because Russell Simmons is leading the charge, who was only on Oprah three years ago talking about how objectifying black women is the rapper’s art form, I cannot condone such foolery and I say in the infamous words of Scrooge, bah hum bug.

Overall, my heart grieves for both sisters because they have a long way to heal.