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Kate Wharmby Seldman
Health Editor
Opposing Views
Los Angeles, CA

Kindness and generosity can be used as a weapon; By being kind and giving a person can make others feel beholden to them. I often find females of the older generation guilty of this quite often.


I don't know if I agree with you. I don't think the elderly ladies you speak of are really employing true kindness and generosity. I know what you're talking about, I've worked in assisted living facilities and have a textbook narcissist as a dad. I can spot a guilt trap a mile away and know from firsthand experience that elderly women (or men!) who are lonely, bored, wanting to feel wanted and/or are angry for feeling discarded use "kindness and generosity" as a very well-made sheep's clothing for their wolf.

But I know plenty of elderly people that are truly kind and generous, it goes both ways :)

Hi jferron

Perhaps I should have said that it was apparent kindness; as I agree that the methods they employ are not true kindness because they require a return for their efforts - and they know it! But hey, sometimes it works for them, so why not continue to try.

Generosity is a little different because it is a behaviour that expects a return and we are all better for it eventually.

Yes, the same goes for men too, it's just that being a man, I see more of this behaviour from women.

Let us not forget those emotions we use as weapons against ourselves; some of us may take on feelings from others or even berate ourselves with negative self talk learnt from being cast in a role such as the scapegoat.

Oh Felix, that is an excellent point. Thank you for making it.

All over a ham? Isn't it crazy the things we fight about? I mean really, how many fights are TRULY worth fighting about?


I agree with DJ on this one.


Interesting, emotions as weapon. Everyone has their own forms of emotions. As humans we use emotions as cane for support. We do have the power to be emotionless.

Take care

I used to be a psychiatry resident before I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. We would definitely see people acting up during the holidays. A lot of people using suicide for attention. It's unfortunate, but most psychiatrists dread the borderline patient 'cause they use their emotions to manipulate people the most. At the end, I feel for them 'cause most of them have been abused as a child and I have been abused too. I'm thankful that this didn't make me borderline though. They seem to live a painful life, unfortunately. It's also unfortunate for the people around them...especially during the holidays.

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