Reading Sexual Body Language
How To Read Body Language

Sexual attraction in both male and female is expressed through sexual body language to a significant extent. Body language around the world - aka kinesics - relates to non verbal communication through body language gestures, facial expressions and posture, and can be done consciously or unconsciously though more often unconsciously.

The importance of body language as a conscious or unconscious communication technique is often underestimated. The significance of sexual body language through certain subtle movements of, for example the eyes or mouth may be overlooked by the conscious mind, but the underlying meaning of that movement or gesture is noted subconsciously.

Body language - sexual and otherwise - is a two way street. Other people will unconsciously - or, if they happen to be aware of body language signals, consciously - pick up on what your subtle and instinctive gestures, posture and eye movements are saying about what you really feel about a person or situation. The same applies to you, in that you are consciously or more likely unconsciously picking up on what other people are really thinking about someone or something through their body language.

This applies whether or not verbal language is being used as well. In fact it's not difficult to find examples of people verbally saying something that is quite different to what their body language is saying.

It should be remembered however that no single sexual body language indicator can be thought of as conclusive evidence of what a person is really feeling or thinking. You have to be able to see a degree of consistency and repetition of signals before you can draw conclusions from it. For example if a woman once fiddles with her hair while happening to make eye contact with a man during a conversation, this, in and of itself, could mean nothing. But if during that conversation she makes certain other subtle gestures as well, then there is the possibility that she's sexually interested in him.

It also needs to be borne in mind that there is a cultural element involved in this, in that in one country a gesture may mean one thing and in another country mean something completely different, like an insult for example.

Sexual Body Language

Various and varying claims have been made about the "percentage" significance of body language in human communication. One theory estimated that around 90% of the "meaning" derived through human interaction is made through non verbal communication.

That theory is however now widely regarded as flawed, with most researchers and experts now broadly agreeing on a figure of around 50-60% of all human interaction and communication as being non verbal.

Probably no one knows how to measure this exactly and it may also vary somewhat from individual to individual, but there can be no doubt that an understanding of how to use and interpret body language indicators has the potential to considerably enhance a person's sex life, business life, career life, social life and so on.

Female Body Language

There are numerous sexually related body language signals that women use to indicate sexual interest in a man. Once again bear in mind that one of these indicators on its own can and probably does mean nothing. As a man you need to be looking for "clusters" of indicators during the course of a conversation or meeting.

One of the more obvious signs relates to eye contact. If she won't look you in the eye or hold the look for more than a couple of seconds then she may well not be interested. On the other hand it can be a matter of interpretation. If she holds the eye contact then she's interested in something about you anyway.

Generally the more her eyes linger on you the more she's interested in you. She might look away but if she looks away or downwards, perhaps with a slight movement of the eyelashes and then looks back at you, then this could be a conscious or unconscious attempt by her to hook your interest. Also dilation of pupils - if you can spot it - can be an indicator of interest and/or arousal.

The mouth and lips are frequently used by women as sexual body language indicators. Slight licking/moistening of the lips is a significant signal, much more so if she does it while making eye contact. Many psychologists are of the opinion that the popularity of red lipstick is unconsciously due to its potency as a subtly suggestive image of labial arousal. Also slight parting of the lips while looking at you is recognised often unconsciously as an indicator of sexual interest.

Many women unconsciously twirl or flick their hair when in the company of a man they're interested in. There are too many explanations for this to go into here, one being that it means she unconsciously exposes her inner wrist and forearm - an erogenous zone - suffice to say that it is well accepted and established as an unconscious - or conscious - flirting gesture.

Pointing her knees towards you can indicate that she's personally and/or sexually interested in you. By doing this she is unconsciously indicating to you and others around that you are the person she's interested in.

Shoe dangling is another significant indicator that a woman is feeling relaxed and at ease with you. If during conversation - and especially if she's making eye contact with you - a woman partially removes one of her shoes by dangling it from the end of her foot, she is giving a fairly strong signal that she is enjoying your company and may also be unconsciously indicating that she may be prepared to undress further.

Objects - especially cylindrical objects - are used consciously and unconsciously by women as sexual body language signals indicating sexual interest in a man. The famous chess scene between Faye Dunaway and Steve McQueen in "The Thomas Crown Affair" comes to mind. Slow and sensual stroking of a wine glass stem can mean that she's effectively saying "Wouldn't you like to stroke me?" or "Are you getting aroused by me?".

Male Body Language

For various biological and sociological reasons there are fewer male body language signals relating to flirting/dating/sex than is the case with females.

There are some similarities in the meanings of male and female body language, particularly with reference to the eyes and eye contact.

If a man makes direct eye contact with a woman and holds the contact then he is showing her that he's interested. Obviously there's a difference between "soft" eye contact and a forceful and penetrating stare, which could tend to indicate a predatory nature or thoughts. If he's avoiding eye contact then for whatever reason he's feeling uncomfortable or insecure about you.

Stance or posture is a helpful guide to understanding a man's true feelings about a person or situation. The "open stance" where he is standing up straight with shoulders back and head up (but not with arms crossed) indicates that he is either showing that he's open and available or that he's a strong and dominant male, or of course both.

As with knee and foot pointing signals that women make, a man's "directional" posture can say a lot about who or what he likes and is interested in. If, for example while seated together, his upper body is tending to point towards you, this is a pretty clear signal that he's at least comfortable with you, and quite possibly attracted to you. Logically, if his upper body, feet, knees and/or face are habitually pointing away from you, it indicates discomfort or lack of interest.

Preening has always been a recognised sexual body language signal in both the human and animal worlds. If when in your company a man does things like adjust hair, fix a tie and generally make small unconscious gestures designed to improve his appearance in whatever way, you can be almost certain that he finds you attractive, up to a point at least.

Sexual body language is an important, even integral part of human communication and interaction. It needs to be re-emphasized however that you should not be too quick to jump to conclusions about what a person's signals or indicators may or may not mean. It needs to be remembered that you should be looking for repeated patterns or clusters of sexual body language signals before making definitive judgements. Having said that, there's no doubt that people who know how to use and read body language are, in many areas of life, at an advantage over those who don't.


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