Bacon snake

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Bacon snake
Monster ID 1287
Locations The Nightmare Meatrealm
Hit Points 300
Attack 220
Defense 200
Initiative 75
Meat 200-300
Phylum beast
Elements sleaze
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts body, mouth
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
bacon snake You're fighting a bacon snake

You're strolling through a peaceful (but still disgusting) meadow of bacongrass when you hear a rustling.

Well, not really a rustling. More of a greasy squelching noise. It just seemed like it'd be less gross to call it a rustling.

Anyway, you get attacked by a bacon snake.

Hit Message(s):

It bites you once on the <arse> and again on the <groin>. Ouch! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

It simultaneously constricts your <foot> while biting your <forehead>. Ooh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

It slithers up your leg and then bites you on the neck. You're not sure which part of the process is worse. Ooh! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It bites you in the jugular and fills your veins up with cholesterol. That's really gonna hurt. Someday. Argh! Oof! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

It mistakes a nearby hamhock for your head, and bites it instead. Stupid snake. Hey, wait a minute...

The serpent is subtil -- so subtil, in fact, that you briefly lose track of where it is.

It moves as if to bite you, but gets distracted by what it thinks is a female bacon snake, but turns out to just be a blade of bacon grass, blowing seductively in the moist, greasy wind.

Fumble Message:

It accidentally bites its own tail, temporarily becoming a bacon ouroboros. Man, that'd be really good on a bagel! (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*

Occurs at The Nightmare Meatrealm.