**The single-sentence round-up: **Triple-Dip’s coming out party got crashed, Margie earned some big points with NAMBLA, and not being white in Utah got even worse **(**if that was possible). ****

The Not-So-Happy Campaign Trail: So Bill’s campaign opponent caught wind of his wife-shuffling and is planning on going public with the smear, because that shit couldn’t be hotter if it was delivered by Reille Hunter’s illegitimate child. Bill had planned to save that announcement until after the election, but now he’s rescheduling the big reveal to scoop his opponent.


**Proof that Big Love****’s writers passed high school English with at least a passing grade: **Ok, so we get it. As if her Debbie Downer moping hadn’t already gave her away, Mormon Frank’s wife JoDean is really, really oppressed, so much so that the show’s heavy-handed writers wrote a cockatoo-smuggling scam storyline into the script a few weeks ago just so JoJo could release the flock from their coop in a moment of Aha I’m (vicariously) free! glory. Nice try, JoDean, but that’s not exactly why the caged bird sings. So next week, after you’ve pimped out your prairie crib with a glass ceiling installation and a fresh layer of yellow wallpaper and before you finish sewing that Bjork-style albratross dress with the red-lettered A, remember that if you ever EVER eff around with another Angelou literary device again, Maya herself will clock your "Wade in the Water"-whistling ass back to pre-Suffrage so fast you’ll rather you were a raisin in the sun.

How the writers almost redeemed themselves: So it wasn’t the motherfrackin’ gold we’ve been hoping for, but a tip of the hat for Barb’s latest sacred profanity: "Sugar WILL hit the fan!" We kinda like it when Jeanne Tripplehorn speaks pseudo-dirty to us!


The moment when said sugar actually hit the fan: So Margene’s really hand-paddling up the creek this week. Barb went all Chris Hansen on her when she found out she kissed her teenage son Ben. She totally explained that he offered her FRESH. SQUEEZED. LEMONADE! but it didn’t fly. Bill and Barb know she’s a boy-loving cheater. Predictably, Ben decided to become a statistic and join the league of ex-Mormon-children runaways on the streets. Bill walked in while his son was packing his essentials—e.g. all of his P.O.D. and Lifehouse cd’s—and, in a moment years of therapy will never erase, told him to scram.

**Another ercise in bad parental judgment: **Alby, the Maury Povich-trained suitor that he is, broke into Dale’s home and tried to lure him with a tetrazzini. (Charming!) Dale came home, the blood rushed to his head and he freaked out, then it rushed back down and he got hot and bothered when he remembered his wife was out of town. Unfortunately, Alby got cock-blocked by another visit from his dead dad who popped in to offer this PFLAG-sponsored word of encouragement: "You’re a pathetic cry baby who masturbated himself into a sodomite."—though, in Roman’s defense, as Sylvia Brown can attest, messages from beyond can get muddled in transit and that alleged "sodomite" may actually have been a "Vegemite." We can’t be certain.


**Doppelgänger Week!: **Is it just us or does that meth addict who Barb bulldozed with her Suburban look like she face-offed America Ferrara? Anyways, the Wheel of Fortune is still pummeling her ass hard. She can’t quit chomping on the crystal snacks. Sarah baby-robbed her cause she wanted to play house for a day. Then, ABC delivered the final gut-punch canceling Ugly Betty and her main source of income.

**Can we get a fact-check from the PC Police? **Do the folks on the reservations REALLY refer to themselves as "Indians"? We’d like to know for the sake of cultural sensitivity. Also, because “Native-American” is srsly more work to type out every week.