How long does it take to recover from infidelity?

The most common question asked after the discovery of infidelity is, “How long does it take to recover from infidelity?”

I understand why this would be the most important question to ask. This very question was the first question I was asking after the discovery of infidelity. The answer to this question is important for both partners. I searched and searched for an answer. I desperately wanted to know how long I was going to be in pain.

I found out the answer to this question depends on quite a few factors. Recovery from this type of trauma can be anywhere from 18 months to a lifetime. Most people do heal and recover. Every couples circumstances are different. Unfortunately there is no magic number. But, you can count on 18 months, at the least.

Below is an list of questions to think about. The answer to these questions will give you a good idea of how long it will take in your situation.

  • Did the betrayer divulge all the information there is to know or are they trickling the truth in?
  • Is the betrayer completely transparent with their online accounts and whereabouts?
  • Are the couple divorcing, separating or staying together?
  • Was the affair partner a friend or family member?
  • Is the betrayer addicted to sex?
  • Is there a drug or alcohol problem?
  • How long has the couple been together?
  • Does the couple have children together?
  • Did the affair result in a pregnancy?
  • Is the betrayer able to completely block themselves off from the affair partner/s?
  • Was the couple able to find good counseling individually and together?
  • Are both partners committed to working on their relationship?
  • Do you have a good, positive support system?
  • How public was the cheating?
  • How long did the cheating go on for? Was it emotional?
  • How many affair partners were there?

You get the idea.

The best case scenario is if the betrayer takes all the right steps. If they do, then you can expect healing to happen sooner.

4 thoughts

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