#Thisisme: Having a shitty day

Not the confession I was planning on making, but it's what the universe calls for.

I'm 28, and my back is fucked. I've had back pain everyday for at least the past 2 years. Last night, I tore a ligament in my chest/shoulder doing a yoga twist. There was quite a lot of swelling and moderate discomfort. I iced it and made mental plans to hit up the clinic today.

Most dramatic blog pic ever...

Context matters here. I ripped a ligament doing yoga in the same shoulder (not exact same spot) in the Summer. I had been doing really well with exercising, and I got super discouraged that I couldn't do anything with my upper body for 6 weeks. Since returning to a regular fitness routine, I've been so careful to stretch my shoulders everyday, and I hadn't even made it back to using weights.

The body image issues I've already posted about cut across a bunch of shitty parts of my life in moments like this and make it hard not to feel super defeated. My upper body is the area I'm most self-conscious about, so I just got a triple kick in the face from the universe. Physical pain x derailing fitness progress/agitating anxiety x reminding me how poor I am. Boooo!

Basically my life offered up a perfect storm anxiety attack last night. (Much more to come about those later in the week)

Today, I get to the Somerset West Community Health Centre to speak with the nurse practitioner, who confirms what an RMT/Chiropractor, has already told me: I have scoliosis. My options are to stretch and bear it (FTR what I'd been doing) or spend money on massage, chiropractor, oh and it's best to yoga in a class, so they can correct your poses.

I don't know at exactly what point she figured out that she'd completely misread my socio-ecomic status, but she did eventually. In the end, I didn't really gain anything from seeking medical attention, and I'm stewing about it enough that I couldn't write about anything else.

So yeah, fuck ableism and classism in fitness and healthcare.

#Thisisme and my shitty day.