Notes from a Mother

Monday, 11 March 2013

Motherhood or should I say, parenthood in this increasingly preposterous politically correct world, is an all encompassing adventure and a lifestyle change. You will now divert all your attention to your mini me who only thinks of herself. If it's a baby boy, you'll soon be considered a pro at strategic nappy changing in a bid to avoid being the unfortunate victim of the Pee Fountain (rather than the more glamorous Trevi Fountain). Instead of testing out the most volumizing and eyelash lengthening mascara in the market, you consider it a triumphant moment if you made it out of your house looking somewhat disheveled but you congratulate yourself because you have achieved what is otherwise known in the fashion world as nonchalant careless/effortless style a la Kate Moss.

You update your Facebook and gush to all your friends and family when your baby takes her first step. What an achievement! A miracle! (Cue all the secret eye rolling going on in the background from your childless friends) You videotape your child's piano recital/ballet/football/tennis etc. Because you're internet savvy these days, you upload it onto YouTube, Facebook, Vine..... oh what the heck, might as well pin it on Pinterest and tweet to all your followers. Meanwhile, your friends felt obliged to leave vacuous comments (cue more eye rolling).

Your child runs to you with a piece of drawing. *Repeat the social media updates. Oh. My. God. My child is a frigging genius. The next Picasso. Oh wait, he was too screwed up and sexually depraved. Perhaps, a Damien Hirst in the making. At least he has plenty of interns to help him glue the diamonds onto a skull. Meanwhile, you've signed up for Baby Gym, Baby massage, Jo Jingles, swimming etc..... to "stimulate" your child's brain. God forbid, the human evolution didn't equip us with enough brain cells.

You meet up with fellow moms. You talk about your child. Her sleep pattern. In detail. Her food intake. In detail. You moan about the lack of help you're getting from your husband. You feel like a cow aka milk machine. Wait a minute. You ARE a cow.  Literally. There's practically no difference between the cows standing in the shed having their milk pumped out and you doing the same with a breast pump when you're not breastfeeding.

All joking aside. Motherhood is singularly the most frustrating and difficult journey yet it is also the most rewarding experience of your lifetime. To all the moms out there, give yourself a pat on the back. To all the ladies who are thinking of jumping onto the bandwagon, I hope I haven't scared you. My only advice to you is.....repeat after me......epidural (it's a miracle drug).

Happy Mother's Day!


  1. Happy Mother's Day! I didn't get to the epidural stage.. I went straight under.. twice!


  2. Happy Mother's Day, to you M!

  3. This was so sweet and hilarious! Even though you were totally joking (right?!) you've basically just described my sisters life, haha. I get to hear all about how she's a cow, lovely. Hope you had a lovely mothers day! :)

    Ps. Gorgeous flowers! <3

  4. "Epidural" was the first word I uttered to the midwife when I arrived at the hospital. "Hello" was the second. I am not a martyr. Childbirth need not be any more difficult than it needs to be.

    On a separate note - I totally relate to the proud moments that you have when your child "achieves" anything and I have managed to avoid the pee fountain in the eye. Over my top is another thing, but I avoided the "in the eye".

    Hope you had a lovely mother's day.

  5. Happy Mother's Day to you Marlene! Hope the hubby and Lil L planned something special for you. It's very well-deserved.

    I'm constantly in awe of the moms in blog land- such inspirations you all are! Finally back in NYC and can't wait to catch up on your blog posts:)

    Have a lovely day!

  6. Was it Mother's Day in UK ? Happy belated MD !
    Well, I think it's a modern concept to avoid any pain from life.
    But as for me I didn't want to resort to medical interference when I gave birth to my three children. That was a big NO to epidural.

    As for the difficult journey, there are days when it's not easy to deal with the daily routine. But it feels so rewarding when your son gives you a big smile now that he can read !!

  7. If only motherhood and children came with a manual - we'd be ok then!


  8. Haha! Oh this made me laugh, it's as though you are describing half of my friends with kids! Really hope you had a lovely Mothers Day & that you got spoiled by Little L & the hubby! :)

  9. Great assessment - didn't realise it was Mother's Day there! I am a mother and can't bear all the skiting there is. the world is just chocka full of geniuses who could be models!~it's amazing. Well done you KiwiMama. Wish they could keep up the epiduraling during the young years...

  10. Happy Mother's Day Marlene!!

    I am so inspired by how hands-on you are with Lil L. I have had 2 C-sects and intend to stop at that. Motherhood is such a privilege and challenge. May your confidence be always be in God!


  11. happy mother's day marlene, hope you had an amazing time with your family :)

    steph /

  12. Hi!

    I really like your blog!
    Maybe we can follow each other?


  13. Haha - AMEN to that! Hope you had a lovely mother's day Marlene, Avx

  14. I like everything in this post including the epidural part :) Or should I say ESPECIALLY the epidural part. Ha...

  15. you make me laugh out loud... hope you had a lovely mother's day!



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