October 27th, 2011

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Steps to Survive a Horror Movie


Steps away from the basement or barn or shed that's on someone else's private property.
If it's green and glowing, don't drink it. Yes, it's an energy drink, but not the calorie kind.
If you don't know what it is, don't poke it. If you must poke it, don't use your fingers or toes.
If someone looks like M. Night Shyamalan, shop somewhere else.
Check property records for violent histories or repurposed graveyards. Don't buy those properties.
Let the Slavic neighbor with bad hair beat up his garbage. Don't investigate.
Be nice to gypsies.
Don't pet the really big doggy.
Stay in your coffin. There are people with stakes and BFGs and chainsaws and holy water and wolfsbane out there.
Don't go to a ghetto to get answers for .

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