Tuesday, July 17, 2012


I don't know what to say.


Going to be an aunt anytime soon.

Tears going down my cheeks.


Tears drawing rivers at point of my chin.


Reaching for another tissue.  And another tissue.

Last night, "her water broke!"




Numbness, then more tears.



Puddles of tears.

Why can't I have children?



  1. (((HUGE HUGS)))

    Grieve fully and completely...don't hold back...just take your time...

  2. You know, I don't think you should be afraid of your emotions. They're your emotions, and you have a right to them. You're happy and excited that your first niece/nephew is being born. But it is a very painful reminder of what you've lost, what you can't have, and it is only natural that that hurts. If others can't understand that, then they are either stupid or insensitive. (And you know what? I found that when I was worried about how people might see my reactions, I ALWAYS made it worse than it was, I ALWAYS found that they didn't feel so negatively about me. It was me who was thinking the worst.) I think when you first meet - whenever you feel ready - the new arrival in the family, if you hold them with joy for your brother, but with tears for yourself streaming down your face for you, then that's okay too.

    Also, I met my new niece 5 years after learning I could never have children - and realised something too. She was a stranger to me - even at only 3 weeks old. And yes, I mourned what I didn't have, but I found it easy to be around CJ because she wasn't mine, she wasn't who I wanted. Does that make any sense?