Alien’s point of view

I’m sitting in a bathtub of cold water after a 5-hour ride. The water was painful at first, but after a few seconds I no longer felt any discomfort. As a species, I believe we’ve grown numb to the painfully cruel and idiotic world that we’ve constructed. Those last two words are important. We constructed the world we now live in. It’s the way it is because we want it to be this way. Maybe want is the wrong word, but nonetheless, we’ve allowed it.

If an alien had ridden with me today, maybe perched on my handlebars—a very small alien the size of a potato bug—it would have had plenty of time to make a lot of important discoveries about our species. Most of its discoveries would have come from observing our transportation system—roads—so the alien is only seeing part of the picture. But what better way to get a feel for out culture than travel along a busy street filled with semi-trucks and fast food joints? Here are a few key points the alien would have jotted down, without bias of emotion. Just facts collected from a day of riding on Kennett’s handlebars before it’s had the chance to go blind like the rest of us. (Note—from it’s observations, the alien believes that machines have free will. And it cannot always see people driving the cars).

The observations:

Most humans are decently friendly and helpful during face-to-face conversations with each other.

Face-to-face conversations are rare for humans. Face-to-face conversations for machines are commonplace.

Exhaust-making machines use four lanes of road, while humans sometimes get a small raised strip of cement five feet wide. Exhaust-making machines must have more rights than human beings.

It takes a 4,000-pound machine to move a single human being. Humans must weigh at least 4,000 pounds.

Gas station soda fountain machines have 13 kinds of soda, but often no water.
Humans must not require water.

Large, 4×4 machines have rear view mirrors to check if the small, two-wheeled machines they pass get knocked off the road.

Machines are likely the decision-makers on this planet. Some of the things they say are posted on their backsides:

The nation called the United States of America is the best country in the world and is blessed by God.
It is the home of the free. Though, freedom is not free.
Sarah Palin is more qualified than Obama.
Some machines ask to end an endless war that is being fought somewhere.

Machines consume gasoline from gas stations (which also sell soda).
(Note to self—find out where gas comes from).

Some humans on the side of the road hold up signs to the passing machines, asking to work for food.

Most other humans avoid the outdoors. Horses and cows like the outdoors. Birds like the outdoors. Machines like the outdoors.

Humans on two-wheeled machines prefer to ride on the side of the road, over broken glass and gravel.

Based on the number of food establishments, humans must require great quantities of food every 12 minutes.

Seeing a human is rare on this planet; they must be in hiding. Possibly from the machines.