Exploring Your Inner Killer

Last week I threw a theoretical/philosophical question into the interweb winds (and straight into my FBI/NSA file). The question was:

Would you make a better SERIAL KILLER or an ASSASSIN?

The responses were really, really fascinating to me. So much so that I'm gonna beat this question like a dead horse (what a weird saying).

It's an interesting question because it cuts to the psychological core of our personalities; how we (hypothetically) put ourselves into difficult roles. It's how we see ourselves, really. It's a highly intellectual thread for once. It's one that gets my social psychology training all tingly like Spider-Man's special senses.

The feedback--from my friends--to date:
• I would want to be an assassin. It works better with my personality. I am not spontaneous. I plan everything. I think spontaneous people make better serial killers and planners make better assassins.

• I'm w/^^^.

• Ahhh. I like the planner vs. spontaneous argument. But, successful practitioners of both vocations never get caught. Who's to say? Unlike assassins who are typically hired to work (and are thus externally motivated), SK's typically do it for themselves (internal loci). Perhaps a more cogent argument would revolve around competitiveness; doing a job vs. the thrill of ratcheting up numbers and getting away.

• Well, I am competitive, and I do like to I'm still going to go with assassin. It's a game I'd always get to win, and I'd get the final word too! ;-) Oh, and also, I don't like to lie or deceive people, and you have to be good at that to be a serial killer:
"Hey, come into my apartment and let me tell you about Jesus" *strangle strangle strangle*
Nah, serial killing just isn't "me", ya' know?

• I can be a little bit of both. It all depends on the circumstances, and the nature of The Kill. I'm just sayin'.

• Assassin. I don't like to take my work home with me. Assassinate, go home.

• Good point, ^^^! Way to have that work-life balance. I guess serial killing would be all Type-A workaholic and stuff.

• SK's do it with soul.

• SKs have no soul. Assassins are methodical and muli-taskers. Their intelligence is high. They are perfectionists and highly skilled. The worst description for an Assassin is that they are mean. SKs are insane. Even if SKs pull off a long history of "the kill", in the long run, they are koo koo for Coco Puffs. No exceptions.

• Assassin. Everyone already said why + I am that person who carries bugs and spiders out of the house instead of killing them. The killing would have to be someone else's idea.

• See - ^^^ brings up a very valid point. A Serial Killer chooses their own victims, whereas an Assassin - well, as good as they are - they have someone above them in the chain of command telling them who to eliminate. I much prefer making my own decisions. Although, I can be swayed with reasonable data.

• Me too. I will not kill insects or arachnids unless necessary (in crib, etc.). Locus of control is important. Who's calling the, er, shots is important. But, for me it still comes down to...ratcheting up the numbers and staying clean. Think: Dexter.

• I ABSOLUTELY prefer making my own decisions, which is why this is a tough one. I am a methodical, competitive, planning, organized multi-tasker, so I could maybe be OK-ish as long as I could afford to choose to turn down assassin gigs if I didn't want to work for the hiring party for some reason.

• In the end, SKs make mistakes because they have to continue a string of scenarios. Dexter is falling apart, these days. Assassins start "anew" with each assignment. Not to mention there is big money in assassination. You are your own boss because you are a contractor. You can make your own schedule. You can, simply, say you are unavailable on any given day. Come to think of it, I have been looking for a job for months, with no success... hmmmm...

• Glass half full, ^^^! We should start a...uh, "consulting service."

• I am a great shot! Um... I mean, I have excellent administrative skills.

• Oh, and I'm a great shot too!

So while the majority of people who responded to the old pop quiz selected "assassin," I think that some of the sociopaths out there are sociopathically lying and would actually choose to be and actually execute (nopun) the serial killers job better. I believe that people romanticize the assassin role (Robert Ludlum has sold, what, 290 million copies of his books?) and stigmatize that of serial killer. One is crazy and the other is somehow dutiful to client.

But I don't see the two as fundamentally that different. Both of these killing professions require a great deal of social, physical, and emotional skill.
Social: both practitioners have to successfully and invisibly get into situations, blending and persuading but never standing out. Then you have to as cleanly disappear as you appeared.

Physical: there is a certain amount of effort involved in performing your job duties for each gig (i.e. "*strangle strangle strangle*).

Emotional: Not only do you have to lie, a lot, but, like "Ice" said in West Side Story: "Yeah, now you all better dig this and dig it good. No matter who or what is eatin' at you, man, you show it and you are dead. You are cuttin' a hole in yourselves for them to stick in a red hot umbrella and open it. Wide. You wanna live in this lousy world? You play it cool." I rest my case.
But maybe it's the motivation and goals that differentiate. So I'm leaving the question open. I need to hear more.

Me? I couldn't hurt a fly. Really. I'm a hippie, liberal, pacifist. If you shut off the power and I couldn't recharge my iPhone, I'd curl up on the floor and rock myself for comfort. And remember, I'm your friend. :)
"I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you an assassin?"

- Colonel Walter E. Kurtz