Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

aaaaahhhhhhh! (scream)

oog, someone just came up to my front door, at 5:30 in the morning, and then just left. they didn't leave anything out there. i had the window open but was safe from sight behind the privacy screen. they, he, i think it was a he . . . didn't make any noise. just came up the driveway kind of meanderingly and up to the front security gate, stood there for a second and then left. slowly. it was weird. i was just about to say something through the window and scare the shit out of him when he turned around and left. my heart was pounding in my head, i had my dagger in my hand, i was terrified, even though i am behind the security of this fortress. i don't like someone on my driveway at 5:30 in the morning.

eggnog in my coffee makes me happy. i have some left over potato pancakes to heat up for breakfast. for lunch i will have mac and cheese.

people buying and selling breast milk online. it's natural, it must be good right? then are surprised when high levels of bacteria are found in samples of something people are pumping into bags straight out of their bodies (!) and freezing and shipping. the whole concept is gross to me. i guess new mothers all think they are clean because they are mothers. because they can lactate, they are automatically blessed, and can't have disease or. . . i can't even talk about this anymore, it skeeves me out too much. it's a baby, not a kitten you can set to suck at a dogs teat. what the fuck are people thinking? putting unregulated stranger juice into their helpless children. it's child abuse and should be stopped. having a wet nurse is one thing, that, i can easily understand, this is just gross.

that's my rant of the morning. i'm not taking it to facebook because freedom of speech is just a catchphrase over there. and i don't want to hear it from the rabid nature mothers. i don't need that. no one does.

it's been raining for a day. it started raining while i was cooking yesterday and it's still raining. not hard, not flooding. just a nice quiet rain. i was sitting in the kitchen staring into space and listening to it through the open window. and the frigid air has come to us for now. we didn't get caught out of the cold front, like the weather map on CNN said we would. it hit us full on. someone needs to recolor their maps. oh! now it is raining hard. wow, the traffic pictures are all fucked up. wow, the traffic is all fucked up. that's right, people can't drive when there's weather here, never mind most of them came from a place with weather. it's no longer an excuse just to live here. you are from somewhere else where you, i assume, had to conduct yourself as a decent human being, why throw that off when you get to vegas?

ice skating on the strip!?!? what is this? oh, i want to go! just to look and to take pictures, i don't want to ice skate. i should take the bus down there one night. i wonder if doc would let me go down alone, i doubt it. but i'll try. i'm going to have a hard enough time getting him to take me to see the lights at Ethel M Chocolates, it will be impossible to get him down to the strip to witness ice skating.

he asked me a couple of weeks ago why we moved here. i said because i thought i would be happy. i thought the reason (and i didn't want to sound bitter here) we stayed in all the time in Philly was because there was nothing to do out in the sticks where we lived. no. turns out he doesn't like to go out. and i came here to be a part of the city life. so it seems like a great big waste now. especially when i know i just have to go back when his parents get sick (they are old, they will get sick). and i will have wasted all my time here and it will be all i have left while i spend the rest of my life surrounded by the fucked up weather and small bakeries and minimum wage because we will live far enough outside of Philly that working in the city won't be practical.

so i should be living it up now. i'm going to do it. i'm going to take the bus down to the ice rink one night this season. it's free to sit by the fire, they just said on the news. $5 for the bus and i can have a nice night out.

okay, i just freaked myself out by thinking about the possible, likely future. kind of makes going back to school seem like a waste now. oh well, i'll pretend it's not going to happen and get on with things in the here and now.

at some point today, i am going to take some sleeping pills, light some incense and go into my room, close the door and sleep without any animals on me for a few uninterrupted hours. i spent the last hour of trying to sleep this morning with felix on my face. and it didn't matter how many times i took him off my face. he went back to my face until i gave up and let him go to sleep. meanwhile Simon and the dog were fighting it out on my legs. the breaking point was when Evie jumped up on my chest and started shit with Felix. i got up and went to the bathroom and shut the door for some peace. i was sitting there when Tulip popped out of the cabinet and climbed up on my back. i screamed. i did. i couldn't take it. i wanted affectionate animals, and i got them. i didn't realize i wouldn't be able to turn them off when i wanted some rest.

okay, my stomach has settled from being upset with the animals. time for some potato pancakes and eggnog.

oh, yeah, i put bacon in my mac and cheese yesterday, i'm telling you, you want to eat here. this stuff is fabulous!

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