lived experiences, Mothering, therapy

Motherhood: my hardest quest and my best guide on self-awareness

It’s about 12 years ago, during my pregnancy, when I remember engaging with my parenting model for the first time, from a much different perspective. I was full of questions about my own way of parening. Who would I be in a few months? I remember filling journal pages with the Mother I saw my self being…radiant, present, devoted, self-less, abundant, supporting a spirit and guiding them through the maze of their own becoming.

Little did I know that I would need to walk, stumble, and get lost over and over within my own inner forest of self-awareness.

I needed lots of answers. But before it all, I needed the right questions. And my son was my guide. Every time.

Motherhood was THE most pivotal step in my own becoming. It changed everything. Especially the illusions I held about myself.

Who was I as a child? How was I parented? What are the ways in which I felt loved, seen, heard, appreciated, cared for?

The model we have within and the one we will most likely use to parent our children stems from the way we experienced our own parents. Did we see them as Gods and Goddesses holding the key to our wellbeing? Did we have to please them, to respond to their moods and their emotional struggles? Did they allow us to self-express, while being guided by their own model of emotional freedom?

How can we guide, protect, and provide for our children in the physical world, yet rigorously relinquish all sense of dimination, hierarchy and power crush of their spirit, unless we have nurtured a free spirit within OURSELVES?

If your spirit was diminished by parents, who weren’t there, divoreced by thier own emotions and inner world, there is a high chance that you are probably doing the same to your own children.

Passing down the pain. Continuing the transgenerational trauma.

This is a great reason why we need to pursue our own consciousness and move towards a wiser, more self-aware, more knowing and sensing, intuitive way of being.

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