In your 20s? Not married with babies? Then you're winning

Twentysomethings shouldn't worry about not reaching 'life goals' – the longer it takes to settle down, the better equipped they'll be
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'Younger people who live and study away from home, or go travelling … have much more choice when it comes to finding the person who’s right for them.' Photograph: Thomas Barwick/Getty Images

What will become of the class of 2013? Are they already on their way to becoming captains of industry? Have they met the people they plan to have children with? Are they saving all their spare money for a house deposit, so they can tie themselves into a 30-year mortgage at their earliest convenience? If anecdotal evidence is anything to go by, this year's crop of graduates are sat in their bedrooms, tapping "recruitment agency" into Google and trying not to burst into tears while panicking about what they will be doing in a year's time, as further anecdotal evidence suggests they will be jobless and still sleeping in their teenage bedrooms.

The Co-operative has commissioned a study revealing it's taking young adults a bit longer to become proper grown-ups. According to its research, just one in seven people under 30 are married, and one in nine have children – when their grandparents tended to reach the traditional life milestones much quicker, with four out of five over-60s married by the age of 25, and over half with children at that age.

This is causing widespread anxiety – and not just among the retired parents desperate for grandchildren. The emergence of a "quarter-life crisis" among those in their mid-20s has been well-documented, with many people in that age bracket saying that their distance from perceived "life goals" is making them feel depressed and fearful. The problems are economic as well as emotional. Many in their 20s struggle to find jobs that allow them to earn enough to pay rent. If having a house and a family seem out of reach financially, there's less incentive to start looking for a person to share those things with.

The clinical psychologist Meg Jay caused a stir with a TED talk recently that warned twentysomethings not to treat that period of their life as a "throwaway decade", and urged them to start planning their lives as soon as possible. Much of Jay's advice was focused around finding the right partner as soon as possible, and she implied that people in their 20s aren't moving forward with their lives because they're lazy and indecisive. The reality is that most young people don't have enough structural support in their lives to make plans. It has never been harder to buy a house, or forge a career path – and there's not much that people in their 20s can individually do about that, considering the current economic climate.

However, I believe there is an upside to forcibly delaying your future. You may be an adult in the eyes of the law, but you're still maturing. Deciding to share your life with someone shouldn't be an arbitrary goal, to be achieved by a certain point, and being forced to wait to settle down means that when you're able to do it, you'll be better prepared for it emotionally.

An enforced life delay gives young people time to better explore their options. Younger people who live and study away from home, or go travelling, or use social networks and online dating sites, have much more choice when it comes to finding the person who's right for them. They don't have to settle when they settle down – and they shouldn't have to. Marrying and starting a family as soon as you can is no guarantee of happiness. Arguably, you're better prepared for a lasting relationship if you've given yourself time to mature as a single adult, instead of starting a family when you're still growing up. You can't hurry love.

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