quick question, bhb

Sanctimommies or FTM-to-be-Sanctimommies.....who is more annoying?

Comments (132)

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Posted 11/23/2012
I have never had a poo covered baby and would love to continue believing every one else's baby is just disgusting.

^lol neither has mine, but I think it's because she's always been regular in that area. She poops every day, sometimes twice a day. She's 11 months and I haven't experienced a blow-out diaper yet.

Mom to Emily-11/30/11

Yes I know I run like a girl, try to keep up.

Posted 11/23/2012
It's funny. As a FTM, I shied away from decisions that would have made me seem uptight or sanctimonious. I pretended to be MORE flexible than I felt, and it caused me to make decisions I still regret.

I learned at the expense of ODS that it was about being the best parent I could be, not about seeming laidback.

I wish I'd had more confidence. I won't be quick to call any new parent a name for having high ideals. That should be encouraged.

Being P/A and making posts about how terrible other parenting styles are is obnoxious for reasons that have nothing to do with parenting standards. I wish that distinction was more obvious.
Posted 11/23/2012
** And I don't really get the FTM hate. Don't most people have high hopes for how they want to parent and the parent-child relationship? **

There's a difference between that and "I will NEVER let my 11 month old watch TV ! It isn't good for them and they need to be played with as much as possible ! Just wake up BEFORE her and get a shower."

DD, Vaida, 12102011

DS, Lindsay, 11212014 

Posted 11/23/2012

Based on the definitions and posts here, I'm going with "The Sanctimommy is in the eye of the beholder."


I have a different definition of sanctimommy, too.  If the mom states or strongly implies that I must not love my kids as much as she loves hers, or she's clearly a better mom than I am, based on different parenting choices, she's a sanctimommy.  If she calls legal and accepted parenting practices "child abuse" because they don't conform to her methods, she's a sanctimommy.  If she's simply proud of herself for going the extra mile, or she has different parenting methodologies, or she's a little over the top with the safety concerns, she's not a sanctimommy.

As far as FTMs go, there's something really obnoxious about being self-righteous when you haven't experienced something firsthand.  I made declarations that I would never ever do CIO when I was still pregnant with DD, but by 9-10 months, when I was *so* sleep deprived that I had to quit my job, I was pretty much tripping balls all of the time, I felt completely ill all of the time, and I was a grouchy monster who fantasized about walking out on my family just to get some damned sleep, I went ahead, ate that plate of crow, and did CIO.  For me and my family, it was the best decision ever. 

It's great to have high hopes for how you want to raise your kid, but the moment you get judgmental or inflexible while you're still pregnant, you are setting yourself up for failure.


Mommy to:

DD - 5 and DS - 3

Posted 11/23/2012

My friends IRL are all really accepting of different styles of parenting and would never belittle someone for doing things differently. Sanctimommies seem to be only on BBC.



amyreygo · Original Poster
Posted 11/23/2012

And I don't really get the FTM hate. Don't most people have high hopes for how they want to parent and the parent-child relationship? Of course reality will most likely be different, but that's true of everything we plan for. If it ends up raining when I'm camping and I end up playing cards and drinking beer all day instead of hiking twenty miles like I talked about does that make me a Sancticamper?


I had plenty of ideas about what a prefect parent I would be and what perfect kids I would have while I was pregnant. But I kept those ideas to myself. I did not judge, condemn, and act like a condesending know-it-all to people who already had kids.



ODS (7), MDS (5) and Lil WTF born 11.6.14

Same old Reygo

Posted 11/23/2012
** Sanctimommies seem to be only on BBC.**

People can hide behind the keyboard and th insult is much less personal. While there are a whole lot of jerks IRL, comrades online and people tend to be assholes because there are no repercussions.

DD, Vaida, 12102011

DS, Lindsay, 11212014 

Posted 11/23/2012

Well I am an admitted former FTM-to-be Sanctimommy and I annoy myself so... I thought I would have it alllll figured out by now..

Let's recap...

#1. I just knew I would be having a natural birth.... With the help of my doula. (we paid an embarrassing amount of money for this woman's help, and she and my husband never got along..) Day of birth my husband makes the bonehead decision to call all of our out of town relatives and when they all show up at my house, my plan for having a natural med-free birth was torn apart in the midst of playing hostess to family members sleeping on my couch while I tried to labor at home... by the time I got to the hospital my water had been broken for 5 hours, my contractions were 3 minutes apart, and I was only dilated to a 2. Fast forward an agonizing 5 hours later and only being at a 4, I begged for that epidural... I was in heaven afterward and so embarrassed for everything that I thought I would do... just not working out

#2. then there was the breastfeeding....  I just knew this would work out perfectly if nothing else, because how hard should it be to breastfeed???!!! I'm a mammal, it's natural, etc. my son had issues latching on and would curl his lips under because of a habit he learned in utero. Great. I was astounded and disappointed to find how much trouble I would have and how annoying it was. I am still one month later getting up every 2-3 hours and my son cries non-stop. He will slurp down a formula bottle in a heartbeat and it breaks my heart. He seems to be starving despite all my effort. He gains weight appropriately but for some reason it just doesn't seem to be working out.... I pump, feed non-stop, try to comfort him (when all he wants is to be on the boob) and call me crazy but I don't like watching my son be miserable and listening to him cry. It's been the biggest pain in the ass... I'm still trying to continue but he has been supplemented since the hospital so I have my doubts on how successful it will be and it feels pointless since he's already been "exposed" to formula anyway.

#3. Cloth diapers- yeah, didn't even attempt that shit. (no pun intended). That's the last thing I need. I have enough trouble just keeping up with the regular laundry from spit-up and the blow out disposable diapers.

#4. The britax car seat. - this one has to be the best fail of all. I purchased the convertible car seat with infant insert for it's safety features. (they don't even carry the damn thing anymore and I think it got recalled.) the advocate is sooo huge! Now I feel trapped in the house because I paid a ridiculous amount of money for a car seat that requires a "pool noodle" to be installed at the right angle (we didn't have one) and I can't get out and carry the baby because it's not a carrier kind. WTF was I thinking??? Another brilliant move - convinced by the die hard AP'ers that all that you need for a baby is an ergo carrier (yeah, that was actually a great investment, but what a pita to put the baby in it every single time I try to get out of the house for any reason. It just doens't work if you want to go out to eat in a restaurant) Not to mention I have to stand up in our tahoe and lean over the seat to even get my son out of the seat.

#5. The Dr. Sears sling- this damn thing is sooo huge that my son is like, lost in it. I guess it's meant for bigger babies but he hates it so that was another $40 down the drain.

The icing on the cake is that we have no family in town and the woman we were relying on to take care of him when I return to work has backed out. I am essentially trapped with a screaming baby 24.7

Posted 11/23/2012

^ Oh yeah, I did a lot of research on circumcision too. I decided I would not under any circumstance have it done until I was pressured by my husband and gave in... I was also afraid of the 'care' it would need if he wasn't circumcised and was too afraid to stand up for it because I wasn't familiar with it...

I got my way about his first name but the whole name (middle name) I am not fond of... 


Last edited 11/23/2012
Hey chicken I'm a neurologist not a fucking idiot I know what PPD is.

Everything I mentioned occurred regardless of ppd.

( except saying she didn't like LO )

The CIO is her philosophy she did it with ODD as well ( no ppd ) she doesn't want to spoil her kids.

She makes the ugly jokes now and often ( no ppd anymore )

I'm sick of people assuming that no one has heard of ppd. You know most people on this board are educated.

And actually taking a chill pill does help.

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