I have a lot to say!!!!!

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Posted 09/26/2013
Yes op, that sounds great! Then he should hang up, not argue, and ignore everything they do/say until you feel like talking to them again, if ever.
Last edited 09/26/2013

DH needs to be much stronger and shorter, if he is going to make the call.

"Mom and Sis, you have RUINED my first weeks as a father. You are not welcome in my home until you offer sincere apologies to myself AND to my wife. We will decide when we are ready to have any more visits; we will not respond to texts, emails, or calls. Do not harass my wife - do not contact her at all. This baby is not yours, and this birth is not about you. I'm hanging up now."


Perky Baby - born in May!

'What a friend we have in Cheeses" ~Maybeonce

Posted 09/26/2013

Don't have him ask what it's even about, because that's an opening for them to start bitching.  He should say that there's nothing to talk about.  Also, leave out examples of their behavior because they know exactly what they are doing and putting in examples only gives more things to argue with.  

Re-read G7's post.  

Basically he should say there's no reason to talk, they're treating his wife horribly and it WILL stop, WE are Lo's parents and what we say goes, and we will call you when we're ready.  Until then we're not accepting visits or communication.  

Other people are better with wording than me, but that should be the gist. 

Oh!  Also, the more they freak out about this and/or try to get around it (sounds like they will), the more time they'll have to wait to see you guys (they don't need to know that necessarily, but just to keep in mind for yourself).  Additionally please note that, while FIL seems neutral, he likely isn't.  Once you "upset" his wife with your daring to live your life as adults, he may not be so calm about all this.  He's already trying to force a meeting with you because his wife is upset, that's not "staying out of it".  That's meddling.



Books, booze, and brownies

Posted 09/26/2013

HIPPO from pg 1 - time for a huge timeout for the whole lot of them!  YOU are the mom, they do not get say over your child.  She is not community property!

NO weekly visits and NO visits without your H there.  You visit them when YOU feel like it, not when they want to.



Proud breastfeeding & former pumping mamma

Posted 09/26/2013
How about,

Dad, there is nothing you need to discuss with us. Yours, moms, and sisters behavior towards my wife has been horribly rude, selfish and downright mean. You have no rights to my family, my home, and especially mine and OPs daughter. Until you can control yourselves, learn to respect my family, and especially my wife, you will not be allowed over. You will be welcomed back after we feel you have learned your place, and we are comfortable visiting with you. If you want that to happen before our baby graduates college, I suggest you start learning that pretty fast. Nobody is allowed to contact my wife without my prior knowledge and permission. If anyone contacts her without my approval, that will extend this TO period for 6 months. This includes owes speaking on your behalf. Have a lovely holiday season.

Last edited 09/26/2013

OP, you know the talk is about getting you and Dh back in line and doing what they want when they want it. You dont need to even ask. Just have Dh call and say what Hausmomma said and end the convo. They are going to lose their shit, but anything other then you two doing exactly what they want would result that way.


( . Y . ) Gold!

Posted 09/26/2013

Yeah, no talk. Definitely have DH call them during lunch to cancel this disaster-in-the-making.

Your ILs are horribly entitled. They're so wrong, your baby is not about them at all. They clearly had a set of expectations for when your baby was born, and now reality isn't living up to that. NOT your fault! Just remember, you are NOT responsible for their feelings. As adults, they should adjust their expectations. If they decide to act like whiny toddlers, then treat them as such. You don't give in any time they decide to throw a tantrum. It seems like this worked before, but just stop. Just stop.

Posted 09/26/2013


^^ I like this, Newt & G7 have it all covered. I don't recommend your husband even give them a pause to interject. They have no say, so he shouldn't be asking them anything, he should be telling and I think email might be better (paper trail).

Posted 09/26/2013
Op, that's really long. I'd just say 'no visit, due to your treatment of my wife and your behavior, we're taking a break '
Do not give or set s time frame, it's when you are ready, and they prove they've changed.
Posted 09/26/2013

we haven't done anything to you guys. 

Please don't say this.  

You need to take away all the assumptions.  His parents assume that you give a rat's ass what they want, what their opinions are, and that they're upset.  

Also, "What is there even to talk about?"  That's a QUESTION!  Make some declarative statments already!  Who cares what the fucking details are.  Here's what he needs to get across "I don't give a shit what you have to say.  This is my wife and I wont' tolerate any more of this nonsense.  Got it?"   Now he doesn't have to say that directly, but this is the ATTITUDE with which he needs to approach his parents.

All the other back-and-forth nonsense is how teenagers plead their case.  You don't have to plead your case.  Who gives a fuck if your parents agree or not with your reasoning or take on this matter?  Do you think either of you can take a "I'm not taking any shit" attitude?  

And listen, under different circumastances, I would say that reasonable conversation you outlined above would be okay. But your MIL has brass balls and a ton of nerve.  She has a nice little cult following of minions to back her up, too.  I'm probably about your MIL's age.  Listen, this woman has both of your numbers, she can see your hesitation and she's exploiting it.  You both need to stop hesitating and take this bull by the horns and have some damn conviction about how your life is going to be.

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