Upfront sex

What I know about men...

Stockard Channing - 61, actress, married four times, lives with partner

I have always very much enjoyed the company of men. From the time that I became an actress, I was surrounded by them. People say there aren't many jobs for women in the theatre, and that's very true. At times, I actually haven't had many women friends at all - only men. Do I think it's possible to have platonic friendships with men? Definitely! I had friendships with a lot of them, and that really was all. No sexual undertones. It was rather wonderful. People always think of feminists as trying to be so divisive, so us and them, nasty feminists! But that's not how I think of it, not at all. At the beginning of feminism, I thought it meant that you could be friends with men; that you could sleep with the men you chose to sleep with, and not sleep with men you chose not to sleep with, and that was feminism. I still believe that. I still believe I'm a feminist.

I didn't learn much about men until quite late. First off I went to a Catholic girls' school; then I went to Episcopal girls' school, and then I went to boarding school. My parents were very strict, and really, the only time you could be near boys was at dances, or maybe at the movies. I had two big crushes on boys when I was growing up. One of them was the brother of a friend from boarding school, and it was reciprocated, which led to a lot of letter writing. I was not a good flirt. I never learned how to do it properly. But I was good at letter writing and at agony - hormonal agony - which was really very exquisite. I went to visit him and his sister at their parents' house in Ohio one summer, and it was all so repressed, so repressed, but then we went for this walk in the woods, and it started to rain; and we were there, kissing like mad in the rain. We didn't have full out sex, because God knows we were too terrified for that! But there is definitely something to be said for repression.

Then we broke up. That was a big trauma - more letters, all the heartbreak. We'd been like the two of us against the world, but then... well, that didn't work out. I ended it. And I went out with his older brother. I think I was into drama.

I ended up getting married very young. That decision was definitely driven by libido. In those days, you didn't live together, the way people do now. And then it all got much more complicated, because I realised what it was I wanted to do with my life, and everything kind of diverged, and then came the divorce.

Do I believe in love at first sight? I absolutely do! I think that sometimes you don't act on it, and I don't think for a moment that it only happens once in a lifetime - it's certainly happened to me more than once - but what you do with it, that's the important thing. The really wonderful thing about it is that it's so chaotic. That frisson, that thing... Did my success as an actress change the way men related to me? I don't think so. After Rizzo [Channing's character in Grease, the role that propelled her to stardom], well, it's a very weird thing to be looked at lecherously by a 12-year-old, let me tell you! And it happened at the time. Now, I meet men in their mid-thirties, and they'll tell me they had their first wet dreams about me. Which is not uninteresting, but is certainly disturbing. I haven't ever fallen in love with a leading man. I think it's nice if you have a warm connection with them, but it's not advisable to sleep with them. Warren Beatty told me that.

I do think it's possible to be monogamous long term. I think it's because whoever it is becomes your favourite person in the world. It's like fifth gear, when you're driving a car. It's very different from fourth or third or second. What have I learned from my divorces? I know that nobody gets married to get divorced. I don't think I'll get married another time. I've been living with my partner [cinematographer Daniel Gillham] for over 20 years, so... It would feel quite silly, actually.

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