How To Date Your Hairdresser

How To Pick Up Women Offline

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The Appointment

Throw a decent shirt on, head to a coffee shop close to the salon and arrive five minutes early for your booking (you're a man on the go — don't question my logic). When your hairdresser greets you with a smile, she'll ask you if she can throw your empty coffee cup away, to which you will decline and request the info for the location of the bin. She'll watch you stride to the trash, smile on your return and take a seat. Rapport is in your hands here, but a key thing is to seem like you don't know what style you want her to create and ask her what she thinks. You want to seem like 50% big deal, 50% couch potato. Make sure you don't be a dick with this, though, so deliver a question like, "What do you think would work best?" rather than "What style would I look great with?"

The next 30 minutes will be awash with boring questions that she's used to asking. Hairdressers actually explode if they don't get to talk about a recent holiday they went on, so make sure you give her enough room to express herself. Your only goal here is to make sure you two don't refer back to your hair and talk about the progress of the cut. The cut is the background noise to this tango of lust, and although it acts as a conversational safety net, make sure you don't need to use it.

Keep your own anecdotes short. Anecdotes are never planned, so don't take the risk. You really don't want to waste four minutes talking about the time you fell in a pool or ate mud by accident. You may think what you're about to say is golden, but your own voice sounds so much better in your own head so don't let it out too much. Open questions, laughs, sighs and the occasional "I loved that show. God, that was so long ago. We're getting old aren't we?" are all you need for this chat.

You do have one additional goal, though, and that is to find out if she has a boyfriend. Pretty simple, really, but take into consideration your surroundings and judge the difficulty by your habitat. The cheaper the salon you're in, the easier this will be. Asking someone you don't really know about their relationship status isn't really appropriate, but people who spend pennies on their hair don't tend to follow normal social guidelines. She'll be used to these questions if she works at a shoddy establishment, but if you need a mortgage just to cover the cost, then be a little more delicate. It's vital info, though, so don't flake. 

The Close

You'll know by the end of the cut if you've done enough to warrant an attempt to close off a date. If you feel you've done enough, then make the proposal before you leave the seat and before she has finished the cut to get the mirror. By this stage, she'll believe that the occasion is over. The chat was good, but there'll be hundreds better, so she is on to the next one pronto. Never wait until you're at the cash register, as you'll look desperate. If you're having fun there and then, don't wait until you've left and do what Hugh Grant does to Sandra Bullock in Two Weeks Notice (yes, I get all my romance tips from Hugh Grant films).

Ask her what she's doing after work two nights from this point, and inform her that once a week you meet your friends at the pub around the corner and that she's more than welcome to come. Make it seem casual and ask her to bring a few of her friends. You'll exchange numbers and part ways. Don't text her at all until the next day when you will announce that the night has been canceled and you're gutted about it. She'll say, "Who needs them?" You'll say, "You're right," and about fours years later you're married, expecting children and carrying her debt because hairdressers get paid crumbs so they all have multiple credit cards to stay looking put together.

Congratulations. And don't blame me — you're the one who decided to read this.


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