

AWOL husband - need some handholding if anyone is up

(21 Posts)
BenCohenismyChristmaswish Thu 19-Dec-13 10:45:34

Good Luck for your interview ......... Sending positive vibes and (((hugs)))

Skang Thu 19-Dec-13 10:43:02

Sorry to triple post. I also meant to say

With my DH his problem was that he would say he was just going to have a couple of drinks, but once he'd had that couple his judgement would be gone and he'd get merry and start to get into his head that I just wanted to stop him having fun and then turn his phone off, and then I'd text and call him a million times, then he'd turn it back on and see I was pissed off and use the perceived argument as reason to do what he liked.

Skang Thu 19-Dec-13 10:33:25

Oh and good luck with your interview!

Skang Thu 19-Dec-13 10:32:10

My husband used to be like this before we had DD. To cut a long story short I explained to him (numerous times) that it wasn't something I wanted in my life at all and wouldn't bring children up around. He did it once when I was pregnant and I made it very clear it was the last time. It was an awful night and I barely had any sleep. DD did somersaults all night which she never did normally at night.

My DH would get himself into ridiculous states where he basically had no idea what he was doing and didn't remember it. He was remorseful and admitted that he didn't enjoy being in that state at all or the numerous embarrassing consequences (of which falling asleep on the train and ending up hours and hours away was the least).

It initially took a while to sink in that it isn't actually normal to regularly get in that state when drinking. It also took a lot of calm explaining about how it made me feel etc. Getting angry just compounded it and made it a me vs him thing.

CaptainHindsight Thu 19-Dec-13 10:26:42

Go and get ready Darkness put this out of mind for the moment and very best of luck to you today.


InTheDarknessISit Thu 19-Dec-13 10:16:21

Where do I go from here though? I can't imagine me doing the same will work as he'll just see it as more excuse because I do it too!

Argh should be getting ready for my interview as I look like shit (it's in a role to do with the beauty industry as well so this is really bad!)

Once a year is once too often sad
<been there done that>

CaptainHindsight Thu 19-Dec-13 09:51:47

Im sorry your going through this Darkness - its so bloody disrespectful.

DH did this once when we 1st moved in together, he is an incredibly rare drinker was I was bloody worried as he cant hold his drink and he is usually an avid texter!

When i challenged him on how it made me feel he got grumpy and said "he was a big boy" and I didn't need to worry.

The next time I went out I switched my phone onto silent only to receive a lot of worried texts and frantic voicemails.

It has never happened again.

InTheDarknessISit Thu 19-Dec-13 09:45:22

I don't know where to go from here. He's just called me and he is utterly remorseless. Basically said what do I expect from his Christmas party (despite the fact he told me that he wouldn't stay late as he was so tired from the night before) and that I was stupid to stay awake worrying until 4.30

And then said 'thanks for making me feel bad'

I didn't have a go, he just asked me about the interview and I just said I didn't hold out a lot of hope as I'm having trouble even putting an articulate sentence together, and he asked why so I just said I was worried as he didn't text me and I couldn't get hold of him.

There is back story to this, and I know he must be feeling dreadful after two nights out and so that will make him grumpy, but I just feel like we are so broken. Life has been so stressful and I am struggling to cope, but we need to be a team and it feels like even if I'm cool and understanding, it's just license to do what he wants with no regard for me at all.

He has done this before (I had a thread a few years ago about how he lost his phone after drinking all day, fell asleep on a train and didn't get home til 5am the day before I started a new job). It doesn't happen often, maybe once or twice a year, but it does mean that every time I don't hear from him and it's late I worry it's happening again. I tried to say how worried he would be about me (he was once when I forgot to tell him what I was doing in a karaoke bar which was underground so no signal, he was very worried and cross) but he just brought up how I was really really sick after my surprise engagement drinks and so I do it too.

Not sure where to go from here. I just want to get through Christmas and make it happy for my children, but if we can't make this better then maybe separating, at least for a while, may be the only option sad

My thoughts just tumbling out now

InTheDarknessISit Thu 19-Dec-13 07:46:48

Thanks all. He is a twat. Got on a nightbus and fell asleep. I feel like shite after about 2 hours sleep.

I'll talk to him later after my interview. All I wanted was one little text!

Eebahgum Thu 19-Dec-13 06:01:32

Hope he's home now op. Don't speak to.him when he drags his sorry arse out of bed.

TobyLerone Thu 19-Dec-13 05:15:26

Don't worry. I'm sure he's just a thoughtless, selfish arse.

plentyofsoap Thu 19-Dec-13 05:01:00

He will fine. He will feel shocking in a few hours. I would not be impressed either though. Hope you got some sleep.

Aquelven Thu 19-Dec-13 04:50:41

It's grossly unfair on you, he's being really thoughtless & you've a right to be upset & angry about it.
But do try not to think something awful has happened, not easy, been there myself & you think these things as you can't bring yourself to believe he can be so uncaring of your feelings. But they get on these dos, get drunk, it's like they're teenagers again confused
Have you any Piriton? Take one it might help you to sleep, you need some rest before tomorrow.
Hope you've heard something by now & can relax. Give him hell tomorrow after your interview! Good luck at it smile

picklesrule Thu 19-Dec-13 04:41:58

try not to worry..easier said than done but really he will be fine just drunk somewhere!

He is behaving badly under the circs though, Xmas or not you clearly need a bit more support than you are getting if you have little ones and job interviews!

Skang Thu 19-Dec-13 04:39:01

Yes he's a twat, but at least he did answer even if you didn't really speak to him, so you know he is alive.

I know how stressful it is as I've been there more than once. It will most likely be fine though.

AnythingNotEverything Thu 19-Dec-13 04:34:43

Yep, he's most likely absolutely fine. He's behaving like a twat though.

It isn't fair to disregard you anxieties and requests like this. Very selfish IMO.

GeordieCherry Thu 19-Dec-13 04:32:56

Poor you. Bad form for your DH to do this in the circumstances

Try to get some more sleep & ignore the thoughts. You're right. He's probably got pissed & is behaving selfishly

Is he at work Thursday & Friday?

Talk to him when he's sober & you done the interview. Concentrate on that & the DC for now. Good luck! What's the job? thanks

I'm awake.

he will, in all probability be fine. He shouldn't still be out if you have stuff to do tomorrow, but he will know this and be avoiding coming home because he knows this. The whole "might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb"

you need to try and sleep. Can you put the shipping news on the radio and try drifting off?

InTheDarknessISit Thu 19-Dec-13 04:23:47

I should clarify the text I had from him was one of those automatic ones saying 'this person tried to call but did not leave a message'

InTheDarknessISit Thu 19-Dec-13 04:22:12

Name changed as hopefully this is nothing and I will feel embarrassed I made a fuss.

DH on his work Christmas do tonight. He was also in last night and rolled in at 4.30 so was feeling terrible. He didn't let me know last night he was staying out so I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to at least send me a text tonight to let me know his plans. I have a job interview tomorrow, I'm also suffering from anxiety post birth of DS (7months) and I have 4yo DD to take to school so it's really important I get some sleep.

I text him a few times in the evening asking what he was doing, should probably mention he's in Central London and apparently tonight is the biggest night for work dos so there is a problem getting taxis. I mentioned this a few times and that he should try and get the train home (not least because by that time he's been drinking so long he's in massive state).

Nothing. Not one text all night. It gets to 1am and I wake up and panic. He has personal and work mobile so I've been calling them both until his work one died as was going straight to vm. at about 2 he answered his personal phone, but couldn't hear what I was saying, then I tried to call back and it went to asnwerphone, then I had a text saying he had tried to call me. Since then, he hasn't answered even though I called back sTraight away. I managed to doze for about 40 mins but just woke with a start and tried his personal mobile again and now it's going straight to vm.

I'm so worried. I know he's probably just drunk and trying to get home without a taxi, but I also know that things do happen and what if he's run over or hit his head or been mugged? I'm veering between feeling sick with worry, and being so fucking angry because I have a job interview and I have no idea how I'm even going to be able to form a sentence after barely any sleep.

Just needed to get that out in the hope someone is up so I don't feel quite so alone sitting here waiting with no way of contacting him sad

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