UnNews:Blue Man Group member suffocates, dies onstage

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10 October 2006


Hans Torgelson, left (or maybe center) dies onstage while others watch.

SANTA MONICA, Calif. -- Co-founder and longtime member of the famous Blue Man Group, Hans Torgelson, collapsed and died of suffocation onstage at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium Tuesday night after a large piece of vinyl confetti became lodged in his throat.

Torgelson bounded and rolled frantically about the stage, trying to get someone to help him, but the audience and his fellow Blue Man Group members just thought it was part of the act.

"His eyes were bulging and I guess his face was blue underneath, but that's how we always look," said another Blue Man Group member, Nils Gerran. "While our act is generally quite well planned, there is some room for improvisation, and that's what we all thought he was doing. This is very sad."

The Blue Man Group is an internationally famous performing group that jumps around and beats on drums and shit like that and all the liberal, intellectual PBS types really like them for some fucking reason, just like they get into that whole Cirque de Solei bullshit.

Gunther Hagen, the group's manager, reassured Blue Man Group fans that Torgelson's sudden death will not mean the end of the act. "Of course, Hans brought his own unique vision and special energy to the act," he said. "But fortunately, we can just paint some other dude's face blue and no one will know the difference."

Services will be held.

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