New Year's Eve Broadcast Devolves Into Absolute Madness

The above video, tweeted by Patton Oswald, is from a New Year's Eve telecast by KDOC in Los Angeles. Words cannot do this incomprehensible train wreck justice. If you are at work, put your headphones on because it appears whoever was running KDOC's seven-second-delay had either passed out or given up completely.

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New Year's Eve in New York: A Survival Guide

This should be your nightmare.

New York, New York. The name luxuriously repeated by Frank Sinatra and later rejuvenated by Jay-Z evokes images of the city's guilty nightlife, where everyone who hustled and bustled all day finally let their vices loose. It's the lifeblood of our weekends in this hedonist metropolis, when bars, clubs or wherever it is you found yourself at 2am on a Friday are lined with partygoers, all looking for the right scene to drink the night away in.

However, there are several nights when this lifeblood can go bad; those select few days of the year when New York's nightlife turns against you. These are the times when a subset of hours in a day are strictly dedicated to partying, leading to mass confusion and hysteria. To name a few: Halloween, St. Patrick's Day, SantaCon and, most notably and timely, New Year's Eve.

The last day of the year rises above the rest for one sole reason: exposure. It's seriously the one night when all of the country is watching New York; at midnight, millions of eyes are set on that damn ball in Times Square. As a result, thousands upon thousands of people flock to the streets to ring in the new year and we'll have to deal with the repercussions. This isn't meant to sound nativist but, shit, you'll need to know what you're getting into.

Luckily, you have these tips to make it out alive.

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What The Fiscal Cliff Means For New York


New Year's Eve is a night to reflect on the year that's past. It's a night to commit to a resolution you'll never follow, a night to face the next year with a massive hangover and a night to over-plan and over-commit to. 

And, for Washington, it's a night to jump off the fiscal cliff.

As soon as that ball drops in Times Square, America will witness the immediate expiration of the Bush tax cuts for the middle class and wealthy, as well as automatic spending cuts worth billions across the federal and state levels. It's the dilemma that has the Hill and the White House panicking every hour and every minute of the 24/7 news cycle. 

One day, Rep. John Boehner and the House Republicans are refusing to talk to the President; another day, the President is telling reporters that he's optimistic that a compromise will be reached. And if that compromise doesn't have higher taxes on the wealthy like the President wants? Well, then it's a whole other story. Hellooooo, veto power.

However, if no compromise is reached, then the President will just have to wait until the ticking time bomb self-destructs. He'll get his higher taxes for the 1 Percent but what about the rest of us? New Yorkers, here's what the fiscal cliff means for you.

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Dubai's New Year's Celebrations Were More Restrained than New York's

Dubai rang in the new year last night by shooting flames out of the Burj Khalifa, the world's tallest building. If you ever wondered what a half-mile-tall sparkler looks like, watch the above video.

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The Times Square Ball Drop Works, You're Off the Hook [Video]

The above video, from the AP, shows yesterday's successful test of the Times Square ball drop. Now that you've watched that, you don't have to watch it on TV tonight. You're welcome.

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A List of Easily Achievable New Year's Resolutions

After midnight tonight, as you are finishing your seventh screwdriver and fishing your phone out of the toilet, you are expected to make a promise to yourself, a resolution. These often turn out to be hollow gestures; the unused gym membership, the Rosetta Stone disc gathering dust on your desk, the AA sponsor's corpse underneath your floorboards.

It doesn't have to be like this.

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Gwyneth Paltrow's Hangover Tips Are Expensive and Impractical, to No One's Surprise

gwyneth paltrow beer.jpg
The latest installment of Gwyneth Paltrow's indispensable GOOP newsletter deals with a topic of immediate interest to those planning to go out on New Year's Eve: hangovers. The surprising part of this is that Paltrow ever allows herself to drink to excess, but the unsurprising part is that her hangover tips are totally as highfalutin as anything else you'd find in GOOP. And there's no mention of Blowfish. Exhibit A:

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New York Neighborhoods Make List Of Top NYE Destinations

Oh, New Year's Eve. The most dreaded of holidays is fast approaching. CBS New York reports that the Times Square Ball is being installed today. But where should you venture come December 31? Luckily made a list of the"Top 50 New Year's Destinations for U.S. Travelers." (Read: "top New Year's Destinations To Stay Away From.")

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