Title: Being Patriotic
Series: Marvel (Young Avengers)
Character/Pairing: Billy/Teddy, mentions of Steve/Tony, Xavin/Karolina and a Kate/Eli/Tommy triangle.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Four moments they weren't saving the world...mostly because they were grounded.
A/N: comment_fic author's choice ,"DC? Are you kidding me? Nothing rocks more than Marvel.". Mentions Civil War, but a completely AU take on those events. (It sorta implies that the whole Civil War was a marital spat that ended with make-up sex AND NO ONE DIES) I doubt there's any spoilers since this lives in its own artistic licence sort of AU.

Writing comic fic is somewhat intimidating because there's always so much frickin' canon involved, but I tried my best? I think AmethystBubble is entirely to blame for this. I know our chats inspired some if not all of the jokes, that's for sure. Aka I'M N00 DON'T HURT ME GUYZ. And Billy & Teddy refer to Xavin as 'he' because that's the gender Xavin was for almost the entire Civil War. So. Yeah. It's kinda like that.

Billy stretched and sighed, the waning day shone behind him.

"That's it, I think I'm switching to DC."

"DC? Are you kidding me? Nothing rocks more than Marvel," Teddy said, with some incredulousness (about half of it joking).

"Marvel kind of loses its kick when you realize what Tony Stark is like before he's had his coffee," Billy said.

The thought was simultaneously frightening and hilarious all at once. Tony Stark had looked quite zombified, especially with the bumping into walls and mutters of coffeeee.

It had been Captain America who'd sighed, and taken his arm and guided him towards the table before pouring him some kind of expensive yuppie coffee with Mocha and Grande in the title.

(He'd even mentioned that there'd been a certain kink in the armor that Tony had spent all night smoothing out, which he'd even helped with. He also implied that Tony was most of the time a little better. The look Peter gave said otherwise.)

Teddy chuckled. "And you think Batman is going to be a ray of sunshine?"

"Batman didn't ground us."

"No, it was Captain America who grounded us, possibly for life."

Only after he'd shared one of those telepathic sort of looks with Tony Stark a long moment. Like they were speaking without words and didn't want the 'kids' to hear. Billy had seen his mom and dad do the same thing on more than one occasion.

"Well, since saving the world is out, want to run down to the comic book store? I hear they've got the latest Batwoman comic out. Karolina told me about this series."

"Was that before or after the cataclysmic battles?"

"After. She gave me her email address. Apparently Xavin thought it was a good idea to keep in touch in case we ever needed to 'scratch each other's backs'"

Which sounded disturbingly like an invitation for a foursome. Xavin had adjusted to the cultural differences with surprising speed, but he was still getting the hang of the whole human slang thing.

"Wait, Xavin knows about Networking? He picks up on stuff pretty quickly," Teddy said.

"Tell me about it. Maybe he can finally figure out how to program the VCR."

They laughed, even if the joke was horribly outdated. Their hands brushed through the. Sunlight glanced off of Teddy's flaxen hair.

"You don't mind if it's in public?," Billy said shyly.

"I can turn into a female if you'd prefer?"

"Nah, just. People."

"If we're heckled, they're the ones who'd better watch out. Unless Dr. Doom suddenly decides to pick on hapless gay young Super heroes."

Billy laughed. "Are you kidding? He's totally gay for Reed. He'd be too busy installing showercams to ever bother with us. As long as you don't start shifting into certain members of The Fantastic Four, we're pretty safe."

Teddy chuckled. "Yeah."

Teddy looked so good there, sun kissed, strong and his. Billy still had to marvel sometimes that they were actually together. He saw how the girls stared and knew that he was one phenomenally lucky bastard. (Unknown to him, Teddy had thought the same thing on more than one occasion – sans the girls part.)

"I really..." Billy began.

"I know," Teddy said.

Without a glance to what the world might be thinking, Billy took Teddy's hand in his and gripped it tight.


It'd all been an accident, really. They'd just meant to get the latest Batwoman comics and a there'd been a mugging right under their noses. Grounded or not, they couldn't just let a woman be stabbed to death.

The battle was over even before it began. All Teddy had to do was reveal his true form and the mugger had dropped his knife and was off running. He probably wet his pants. Billy had little to do but stick to Teddy's side and do a little back up memory wipe on the poor woman who was genuinely convinced that Teddy was going to eat her even after Billy had tried to explain that Teddy didn't eat women. Or anyone other than himself. Still, it'd been too much for her.

To top it off, they hadn't even made it to the comic book store after that. And that didn't even compare to finding Captain America and Ironman on their doorstep. Captain America had his arms crossed in a most decidedly fatherly way, more specifically, the father whose children had just cut out on their curfew to do Forbidden Things.

"There was a mugging! We were really just after some comics!" Billy said.

"Wait, how would he even know?" Teddy interjected. "I don't remember psychic powers listed in his arsenal."

"Ironman informed me," Captain America said curtly.

Oh. Having a multi-billionaire tycoon as a best friend did have certain perks.

"I just got back from stopping Speed from preventing a Bank Robbery which was being taken care of by some adults only to find Patriot and Hawkeye saving kittens from burning buildings."

"Er...this wasn't some kind of mutiny, honest! Teddy and I were just going to get the next Batwoman comic and ran across someone being mugged. I bet Kate, Tommy and Eli were doing the same."

"Now, Steve," Ironman said. He laid his metal-cloaked hand on Captain America's shoulder. "They're just children. We should cut them some slack."

"...How much of that concern is your stomach talking?" Captain America said.

"All of it," Ironman said.

"Hmm. You're right. We skipped lunch to stop that gang fight and now we're late for dinner. Do you think Fratellis will mind?"

"Cap, I own Fratellis. The VIP spot is always on reserve for me, whether they're technically open or not. I could call them at four AM and force them out of bed and they still wouldn't mind because I am paying them not to mind."

"I always have a hard time remembering which ones you own," Captain America said.
Captain America turned his gaze back to them.

"I'll overlook this time, but If I catch you again—"

"Yeah, yeah," Billy sighed.

"Looks like we're grounded again," Teddy said.


Since the grounding only applied to fighting crime, the group felt fairly safe to sneak over to the
local park the next day and hide out on the picnic tables (a place where any spontaneous muggings, robberies or kidnapings wasn't likely to be happing).

Billy and Teddy took side of the picnic tables, sitting close with their hands clasped under the table. Kate, Eli and Cassie sat on the other side, in that order of placing.

Tommy was standing in the middle, his back to where Kate and Eli sat. There was no way this was an accident. Just to drive in that point, he struck a pose with his hands on his hips.

"Think of this way, at least Captain America isn't trying to keep you from getting laid," Tommy said.

"He probably has his own sex life to worry about. He's not a monk," Kate interjected.

"He did seem kind of buddy-buddy with Ironman..." Teddy began.

Billy put his fingers to his temples and looked determinedly at the tabletop.

"...I don't want that mental image. IwanttoforgetthatmentalimageIwanttoforgetthatmentalimageIwant–"

"Wait, you're the gay one, why would the idea of Cap getting it on with Ironman bug you of all people? Don't tell me you're a secret homophobe. Wouldn't you think that's hot or something?" Tommy said. He bent low to catch a glimpse of Billy's Do Not Want expression. His amusement at his brother's anguish seemed limitless.

"Because I want to be able to look Captain America in the eyes again without wondering if he's bottomed to Ironman. If he sees he'll sense the guilt and make me spit it out and that is one conversation I do not want to have," Billy said.

"Maybe he's got some magical 'gaydar' which gives him access to their bedroom scenes," Tommy said with a grin.

"Actually, that's kind of a hot thought," Kate said.

Eli and Tommy stared at her.

"What?" she said.

They stared at each other in a appraising way. Tommy smirked at Eli.

Billy didn't want to have that thought either.

"The good ones are always taken or gay," Cassie sighed.

Kate turned to Cassie. "You had a thing for Captain America?"

"Who doesn't?" she said. "I even read that Captain America is up there with Johnny Depp as one that straight guys would admit going gay for. They just call it 'Being Patriotic'"

"Everyone is gay for Captain America!" Tommy said triumphantly.



Their homework was ignored on the end table beside them, and the tv muted as neither one of them could stand Pat Sajak. Teddy snuck his arm about Billy's midriff and left a kiss at the side of his neck.

"Mmmm. Teddy, my mom may be liberally enlightened, but I'm pretty sure she's not going to be down with us making out on the couch."

"You could will her to go on a quick trip to the grocery store.." Teddy murmured in his ear.

"But Big Bang Theory is almost on. This episode is all about The battle for the cowl."

Teddy straightened up. "The battle for the cowl? Cool."

"After that, How I Met Your Mother is on. I hear Robin and Barney are finally about to get together."

"About time," Teddy said.

Unlike most healthy young teenagers their age, comics trumped sex most of the time. Then again, with a Liberally Enlightened Mother and the rest of the Young Avengers chalking it up to they're honeymooning again whenever they disappeared, sex wasn't that much of an issue. It lost the forbidden urgency that most teens had.

Billy flipped on the TV as the last credits of Wheel of Fortune flitted by.

"You know, Cassie suggested that Kate should double date with us," Billy said.

"But with which one?" Teddy said.

"She mentioned Eli," Billy replied.

"If you're there then Tommy is bound to have an excuse to come along, and that would bring about the apocalypse."

"You're right. We should just stay home. I need to catch up on homework..."

As commercials for cars and food passed by, Billy fingered Teddy's earrings.

"I've been thinking..what if I asked to get piercings right here..and here and here?" Billy said. "We'd have a matching set then."

"Because rings are so cliche?" Teddy said.

"Exactly," Billy said. He repaid the earlier kiss Teddy had given him, and nibbled on Teddy's earlobe in-between all the piercings. It was only the sound of Sheldon and Leonard talking that broke his attention away from his boyfriend.

"Ooh, wait, it's on," Billy said.

"I call IOU," Teddy said. He extended his pinkie finger for a promise.

"IOU and then some," Billy said. "I'll even let you..."

The rest of his words were lost as the refrain of a catchy Barenaked Ladies theme song started.