Road Rules - Season 5

Wednesday 10:30 PM on MTV - Music Television Premiered Jul 19, 1995 Between Seasons


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Episode Guide

  • Ice Castles
    Ice Castles
    Episode 14
    The Roadies receive a clue directing them to compete in the ROAD RULES Olympics in Lake Placid. It's three o'clock, and the Roadies are at the track of the Olympic Stadium, waiting for their mysterious competitors to show themselves. And here they come now! Hey, isn't that Eric from REAL WORLD - NEW YORK? And isn't that Rachel from REAL WORLD - SAN FRANCISCO? And Jon from L.A.? Cynthia from Miami? Sean from Boston? Yes, on all counts. These REAL WORLD superstars make up the cast of the REAL WORLD ALL STARS. Seems the two teams will be competing against each other in four events: the kayak, the luge, the ski jump, and figure skating. The winners receive medals, while the losers clean the Winnie! Unfortunately, Anne has been puking for three days straight, so she's off to the hospital, eliminated from the competition. Now go home and get some sleep, because tomorrow is a full day of practice. Motoring back to the hotel in the Winnie, Noah confesses that he finds Rachel very attractive. Jon reminds Noah, "but she kissed Puck." Noah smiles, relieved: "so she likes assh***s!" That does come in handy, doesn't it Noah? Next morning, all the Road Rulers and Real Worlders meet at 7:30 a.m. for a hard-core day of practice. But as the day wears on, it doesn't look like practice is making anyone perfect! The first event is the kayak. The key to kayaking is sheer muscle. Roni and Eric are looking good. Everyone makes it through practice without getting wet. Amazing, isn't it. Next! The luge is a sled with wheels and you lay down on it, feet pointed downhill. And off you go! Somehow you're supposed to steer the thing around sharp corners, but don't worry -- if you can't figure it out there are bales of hay to break your fall. Gee, thanks. Tara confesses, "I love any mission that involves speed." Then you're in the right place, baby. Tara takes a practice run, and of course she can't navigate one of the turns. Who could?! Her sled flies off the track and she flies off her sled, sailing right over the top of a bale of hay (that didn't work) and landing on the cold, hard earth. All rush to see if she's all right. She's got a twisted ankle and she's crying -- she's shaken up, OK? Now she's spooked. On to the ski jump. This rig looks just the one in the Winter Olympics, however, instead of landing on snow, the contestants land in a swimming pool. The ski run is actually a plastic mat designed to simulate the feel of compacted snow when slicked with running water. Dan takes the first practice run - will he break his neck? - and plops off the edge of the ramp into the drink like a wobbling two-year-old. At least he's alive. Eric is next, and he's not much better. Also still alive, however. Sean wants to show the world what he's made of and attempts a flip, sailing head first into the water. Cowboy Jon gives it a whirl, and lands butt first! Had enough? Let's head over to the ice rink for a little instruction. It's a shame that Anne can't participate in this event, since she's been mistaken for Nancy Kerrigan at least once a week since the trip began. Of course, Dan is pretty smooth on the skates, but everyone else is dropping like flies -- ouch, that ice hurts! Everyone go home and get some rest -- tomorrow is the big competition! After a little snore, the teams are back at the Olympic Stadium. First event, two-man kayak. Cynthia and Rachel take on Roni and Noah. The Roadies leave the Real Worlders in a glorious wake. Now the single-man kayak. Jon vs. Eric. It's a simple fact that Eric has more muscle than Jon -- and he proves it, taking the game. Next stop -- the luge. Sean and cowboy Jon will compete for the Real Worlders. Tara and Jon are supposed to compete for the Roadies, but Tara has pulled out, still spooked. It's decided that Jon will race both heats, taking Tara's place. Sean wins the first round, and Jon the second. Time for a tiebreaker. On your marks, get set, go! Dan gives Jon a running push. Halfway down the slope, Sean wipes out into the grass. Jon wins! But the judges are huddling. That push Dan offered? Is that illegal? There's only one way to decide. Rock, paper, scissors. And the winner is? Jon for the Roadies! Next! Ski jump. It's one on one, Eric vs. Dan. You won't believe it unless you see it, but both boys actually execute some pretty impressive flips. Eric even manages a double flip, taking the competition! Cynthia pushes throngs of admirers out of Eric's victorious path, "no autographs, no cameras!" But what happens next? Did you ever see the movie Ice Castles, with Robby Benson? If not, keep your eye out for Dan and Noah -- they're better than the movie. As Cowboy Jon belts out an emotional rendition of the National Anthem, Cynthia and Sean slip into their costumes. They take the ice first, and it's so hot, that ice is melting, baby. Cynthia shakes her booty to perfection -- and Sean's skintight purple leotard is scoring him extra points with the judges. A wonderful performance leaves the duo with a score of 5.75. Next couple, please. Yes, it's Dan and Noah. Or should we say, Dan and Nancy -- Noah is in complete drag, taking the woman's role as Dan romances him across the ice. It's a touching offering that earns a score of 5.9 -- the boys take the game. Time for the presentation of the medals. The scores have been tabulated, and the Road Rulers are champions! As the Roadies accept their medals, the Real Worlders accept their buckets and mops -- it's time to clean that Winnie! Now it's off to a nightclub where both teams celebrate together with a few drinks and a few dances. But the competition isn't over. Roni and Eric battle Cynthia and Noah for reign of the dance floor. Before you can say Chippendales dancer, Eric has his shirt off and Noah is grinding his pelvis into Cynthia's face. The $500 prize goes to... Cynthia and Noah! The next morning, the Roadies hand their Winnie keys over to the Real Worlders -- seems they're going on a little trip of their own. It's a fond farewell as the Roadies pile into their chartered van and follow the next clue to a small, rustic cabin where they finally open the box of thirty questions. First question. It's for Dan: "Are you and Tara having sex?" Dan tries to duck the "are you having sex question" by claiming "a gentleman never tells." Jon reminds Dan that he's no gentleman. Dan quickly agrees, confessing, "yes, we are having sex." We love a man with a straightforward answer! Now a question for Tara: "Would you marry Dan?" Tara hems and haws, then finally admits, "I'm only 19, so I can't imagine marrying anyone. But when I do, I would want my husband to be like Dan." That's sweet, but it doesn't bode well for the Dan/Tara future. Time to fire a question at Jon: "If you had to live with one of us for the rest of your life, who would it be?" Jon confess he would like to pick Dan, but knows that Dan would never challenge him since he always avoids conflict. Jon picks Roni, claiming "she'd bring out the best in me." Now Noah's up to bat: "Did you have sex with Natasha?" An emphatic NO. Look the camera in the eye and say that, Noah. Roni, you're up: "What does race mean to you?" Roni explains that she's proud to be African-American and reminds everyone that she always tries to achieve more than is expected of her. And finally, a question for Anne: "How was Tim in bed?" Anne giggles, confessing that Tim is an excellent kisser -- but we haven't had sex yet. Now a final question for Jon: "Do you think your personality is the result of fear of becoming something you're scared of?" Suddenly, Jon breaks down sobbing. This is the most emotion he's revealed all trip. He explains, "I don't want to be a harmful person, and so I just hold in all my rage." The three girls pile on top of Jon for a comforting group hug, and Jon explains that being on the trip has helped rid him of this problem. Now Noah pulls a clue from the box of questions. It's a motion sickness bag. As in, throw up in this. The clue directs the Roadies to an amusement park in Lake George. Anne is worried, how will we find it without all our Winnie equipment! Noah grins and confesses -- he's stolen the atlas! The next morning, the Roadies van it over to the GREAT ESCAPE amusement park. Your mission? You must experience five different rides, then return to the park theater for a puzzle piece. There are six pieces that fit together that reveal the location of the handsome reward. So that means to get all six pieces, we have to ride 30 rides?! That's right, and you've only got 2 hours to do it in. Get busy! The Rulers dash over to the first roller coaster -- some corkscrew-type thing. Noah turns green. He literally hates roller coasters! Who would have thought, huh. He refuses to get on, but Roni vows to protect him. Noah reluctantly climbs on board and straps himself in. Guess what? He survives! But Anne isn't looking too good. She hobbles off the coaster and hurls her lunch into the bushes. Yeah, she's puking. Only 29 more to go, Anne! It's round and round, upside down, puke and barf until the Roadies finally win all six pieces of the puzzle -- and just in time. So this is the final clue: climb to the top of the mountain at Whiteface Castle. Let's go! The Roadies are tortured with anticipation as they motor to an enormous stone castle perched on the highest peak of an imposing mountain. The air up there is very chilly -- everyone pulls on their heavy snow gear. Why? We're not going in the castle. We're climbing along that ridge to the highest (and coldest) peak. The wind is whipping their faces as the Roadies finally reach the peak -- the end of the line. There's a VCR waiting. Tara pops in the tape and the handsome reward is revealed. A magnificent trip to GREECE -- for two! Dan uncorks the waiting bottle of champagne and the Roadies offer each other one final toast -- we made it! And no matter where they go, those six friends will always form a special family that can never be truly separated. from MTV.commoreless
  • Picture Imperfect
    Picture Imperfect
    Episode 13
    Noah and Natasha part lips for good when the Roadies receive a clue sending them to Harlem, New York for a challenging photography mission. This week, when we say 'tension develops between cast members,' we really mean it! The Rulers roll into New York City and Roni is nearly bursting with anticipation -- "we're 15 minutes away from my house!" Roni confesses she's excited because her cast-mates will finally know the heart and soul of the real Roni when they meet her dance-troupe friends and her mother. The Roadies check into their tidy hostel suite and Anne immediately throws open the window. She leans out into the bustling city and screams, "I want to rock!" Excited to be in the Big Apple, Anne? Dan, on the other hand, is not excited. He privately confesses, "I couldn't live like this every day." The people! The noise! I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto... The Roadies unpack their bags and climb into the Winnie for a quick ride over to Roni's house. Soon, the Bago is rolling past Harlem landmarks: The Cotton Club, The Apollo Theater, 125th Street. Roni explains, "I am Harlem, Harlem is me." The Rulers roll up to the curb in front of a plain brick high-rise -- this is Roni's house. Roni dashes into the building and takes the elevator up to her mother's apartment. Mom greets daughter at the door and suddenly Roni is sobbing uncontrollably. Tight hugs. Roni offers, "Come out and meet everybody and see our nasty Winnie!" It's love all around as Mom greets everyone. In a flash, Mom offers a fabulous spread of food on her kitchen table for all to enjoy. Turns out Roni's mom is a talented photographer -- the Rulers examine some of her photos hanging on a wall in the living room. Mom offers the next clue – go to the Leroy Neiman Photo Lab at Columbia University and ask for Laura. And don't worry, I'll be there to help you! Smile! Click! The next morning, the little shutterbugs roll over to the School of the Arts at Columbia. In the darkroom, Roni's mom demonstrates how to print pictures. It's an emotional time warp as images of the Roadies from the last two months appear like liquid ghosts when blank photo paper is dropped into the trays of chemicals. A hush falls over the room as the Roadies realize how lucky they are to have been a part of the ROAD RULES miracle. And now it's almost over... The Rulers roll back to the hostel, where a large black box is waiting for them. Taped to the lid is a note that instructs the Roadies to fill the box with 30 difficult questions they will later ask each other. Anne is thrilled -- this could be really kewl! But Tara is cautious -- this could be a disaster! The next morning, the Roadies examine the photos they've developed as they try to decide how to present them in a photo album. Roni explains that her friend Keesha has taken the evening off from work and we should all go meet her tonight around 8:30. Now it's all about cut and paste as the photo album starts to take shape. After a few hours, Roni announces that she is going to go visit her friends at the dance company. None of the Roadies responds; instead, they continue to concentrate on the photo album. As Roni is walking out the door, Noah asks if he may join her. Smiling, Roni tells Noah to hustle his butt. As they walk through the tough New York City streets together, Roni confesses to Noah that she is freakin' furious! No one (except for Noah) was interested in meeting her friends at the dance company. Noah nods his silent understanding. The couple arrives at the dance company, where Roni is mauled by her best buddies. These are not bear hugs, these are all-encompassing hurricane hugs -- this girl is loved! Roni and Noah watch a bit of the day's rehearsal, transfixed by the incredible, talented bodies of the members of the company. Back at the hostel, Tara, Anne, Jon, and Dan are getting hostile. They're still clipping and pasting photos and they're pissed. Noah and Roni bailed before the work was done -- before the mission was completed. Suddenly, Dan receives a page from Noah and Roni: "Are you going to join us or should we stop paging you?" Tara instructs Dan to page back and tell Roni and Noah, "We're going to a bar." Dan does, and they do. What we have here is a disastrous lack of communication. Look out... The next morning, Roni and her mother slip into the hostel after Roni spent the night at home. Mom checks out the photo book and the verdict is in: great job, mission accomplished. It's hugs all around as Mom departs. Now it's time to load the luggage into the Winnie – and look! There's a clue hanging from the rearview mirror: defend your honor at the ROAD RULES GAMES in Lake Placid. Throw out your Olympics, this is ROAD RULES OLYMPICS! The Rulers pile into their fringe-free surrey and roll out. Anne is inspired to cover Jon's face with makeup. Our buddy is perfectly comfortable in girl drag. He confesses that Anne's attention is rekindling that little "crush feeling" he sometimes has for her. So does Jon act on his feelings? Well, he asks Dan, "if you could only see my mouth, would you kiss me?" Dan is all game. This light-hearted romp comes to a violent halt when Roni articulately confesses that she has something to get off her chest. The Roadies prick up their ears. Barely able to hold back the welling tears, Roni explains in a rush of emotion that she is furious that her travelmates chose not to experience her world -- you ditched me and my friend Keesha when she had rearranged her schedule to meet you. Tara explains that she and the others felt like Roni ditched out of her mission duties. Roni quickly counters, "it's not just about missions! It's about getting to know each other! You put no effort into meeting my friends -- you're all fake and pretentious -- you say you want to get to know me but you really don't want to!" That's strong stuff, but Roni isn't finished: "I erase all of you from my mind, heart, and soul!" There is a long, terrible silence. Wow. This is really bad. Dan is the first to speak. He apologizes and quickly admits Roni is completely correct. Tara adds to the apology, "We just dropped the ball." Privately, Roni confesses that the memory of her cast's insensitivity will never leave her. But she doesn't want to hold a grudge. She admits, "my wounds will heal." Give it some time... from MTV.commoreless
  • Rat Poison
    Rat Poison
    Episode 12
    Noah struggles to be a one-woman man instead of a two-faced cad. The Roadies catch a clue instructing them to 'get the puck out' in Montreal, Canada. When we last left you, Noah was swapping spit with a carnal Canadian cutie named Natasha. Guess what, Road hogs?! She's still on his mind... As sunlight slams through the small window in the Roadies' hostel suite, Noah lifts his guitar from the floor and strums thoughtfully. And now, an announcement!! Mr. N reveals that he can't decide if he's being dishonest with Rebecca (girlfriend) by dating Natasha (pick-up). Now, even a kid knows the right answer to that question. Dan privately admits that he's lost all respect for Naughty Noah. Without waiting for his Road-mates to roar "do the right thing," Noah slips into the hallway and connects with Natasha via pay phone. Loverboy coos into the receiver, "the hostel suite is very nice, but there's one thing wrong: you're not here." Oh, brother. Noah, here are a few fresh pickup lines for you to add to your exhausted repertoire: God did a good job on you! Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven? After hosing off and pulling on some duds, the Roadums pile into la Win (that's French) and roll over to the Montreal Civic Center where they are greeted by four hunky professional hockey players who reveal the next mission: today you'll play a game of hockey. Who will we play against, everyone wants to know. Well, that's a surprise -- but we can say they're a tough little team. The Roadies are escorted into the locker room where they pull on piles of brand new equipment. Now it's onto the ice for a little practice. Well, it would take your grandmother only a few moments of observation to realize the sad situation: everyone sucks except for Dan. Why didn't anyone think to dub Dan Vanilla Ice??!! Such a loss... As you know, Dan is perfect and so of course it just so happens that he was a star hockey player in high school. Lucky for the Roadbumps, since all they are capable of is wobbling on weak ankles and collapsing in well-padded heaps. Now let's get serious for a minute -- someone's got to be the goalie. Someone has to fend off all those pucks flying for the net. Jon asks the coaches, "what are the characteristics of a goalie?" The pros explain that a goalie usually has a small mental problem. How convenient. There is no debate. Jon wants to be goalie. The coaches hand Jon the special, custom-made ROAD RULES goalie helmet. It's very, very kewl. Part road map, part Friday The Thirteenth ski mask. Jon is obsessed by this piece of equipment. He must have it! Coach explains, "if you win the game, you keep the helmet. If you loose the game, you have to take the winning team out to lunch." Sharpen those blades... The bleachers are filled with expectant fans who want to see blood. In a glass paneled booth, the announcer introduces the Rulers as they take to the ice. And now it's time to meet the competition. The Rink Rats! The Rulers are speechless. No one on the opposing team is over four feet tall. Are they from Munchkinland? No, they're from the first grade! The average age of the players on the opposing team is four. As in single digit. They may be short, and they may like cartoons, but these pups are no push-overs. As Anne explains, "they skate like demons!" Dan really has his work cut out for him. The coaches remind the Roadies that if they lose the game, they must treat the kiddies to an afternoon of fun and food. Hey, Noah doesn't have time to baby-sit, he's got a date with Natasha. Well, maybe Natasha likes kids. Let the games begin! Right off the bat, the Rink Rats have control of the puck. A Forward slashes his stick through the air and the puck sails a hundred miles an hour at Jon's face. He blocks! He's brilliant! Tara recognizes the transformation that occurs when Jon pulls on the pads: "he's amazing, he's rocking, he loves it!" Maybe Jon has found his calling. Never one to be overshadowed, Noah checks a five-year-old, sending the kid sprawling on the ice. The whistle shrieks and Loverboy is saddled with a two-minute penalty for "unsportsmanlike conduct." Dan is skating his guts out, the Rink Rats swarming around him like flies on... well, those kids just don't let up. And with Noah in the penalty box, the Rulers are outnumbered. SCORE, Rink Rats! And that's the end of the first period. The teams retire to their respective locker rooms and Noah complains, "we're getting our asses kicked by a bunch of two-year-olds!" Dan decides he's done playing around -- it's time to get serious. The second period begins and within seconds, Dan has scored. But his aggression only seems to incite more venom from the Rink Rats. A fierce battle ensues, with Dan attempting to conquer despite the unfortunate one-against-four atmosphere. Dan scores, the Rink Rats score, back and forth, until the end of the second period finds the Rats leading, 7-6. Huddle. The Rulers' coach explains it's time to take drastic measures: "get out there, look them in the eye, and tell them there's no such thing as Santa Claus." The third and final period finds Dan exhausted after pulling the weight of the entire team. It's a close game, but the Rats triumph, taking the trophy. You just know Jon is bummed. But guess what? He's been voted Most Valuable Player and his reward is la Mask (that's French)! See, dreams really do come true. But now it's time to pay up. Don't tell mom, the baby-sitter's dead... The Rink Rats pile into the Winnie and it's a loud and rambunctious ride over to COCONUTS, an insane restaurant that prides itself on its indoor playground. After gobbling pizza, everyone pours into the jungle gym for some aggressive horseplay. While taking a breather, Noah proudly explains to one of the young boys, "I've got three girlfriends." Without missing a beat, the youngster replies, "that means you're cheating on two of them." See, even a kid knows the answer to that question... from MTV.commoreless
  • Fred Astaire You Ain't
    Noah's guilt over his hometown honey doesn't keep him from straying. Anne can't keep her groping hands off Doctor Tim. Have you ever seen the show American Bandstand? How about Soul Train? Remember Dance Fever? They're playing that one on cable again right now. All these shows have one thing in common: fabulous, glamorous, glittering dance numbers. This week's episode is nothing like those shows. After bidding Doctor Tim a teary farewell, the Roadies follow their next clue to Ridgeman Street in Toronto. At an imposing nightclub, they are greeted by MICHAEL, who explains the next mission: you have 24 hours to prepare for your performance as go-go dancers. Is that a nervous sweat, or just dance fever? The bootie-shakers-to-be follow Michael on a tour of the vast nightclub. There's a wide stage at one end of the dance floor. That's right, all eyes will be on you. Michael directs the sweet young things to the dressing room where buckets of costumes await their limbs. The Roadies start pawing through the clothing, trying to find just the right look. Not your color, honey. Is this a shirt or a bracelet? Noah reminds everyone that he's always wanted to be a stripper, so this mission is right up his alley -- it's all about sex. Roni gets serious -- we need to choreograph our show so that we're all doing the same moves. I want us to look good! And Roni is just the person to lead the crew -- she graduated from the Fame school, with an emphasis in dance, for gosh sakes. Rehearsal begins. Kick ball change, kick ball change, but no. It's immediately clear to all that Roni is a great dancer and everyone else is barely-average-maybe. This is where the great split in thinking starts to rip... Roni wants everyone to rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. She really believes that if her trip-mates would just apply themselves, they would pick up the steps she's created. But the other Roadies are not into this Flashdance intensity. They just want to "have fun with it." And what's wrong with that? Well, for one thing, if the moves are mediocre, Roni fears that everyone will say "why didn't Roni help them out, she went to the Fame school, for gosh sakes." You see the quandary. But what is Roni to do? It's quickly decided that everyone will have the opportunity to take center stage to bust a move -- show off their own personal style. Noah wants to do his sex moves (big surprise) and Jon wants to do his Crank. Anne confesses she can't concentrate on the dance because all she can think about is Doctor Tim. Tara and Dan are willing to try anything once, but wisely refuse to promise entertainment. After five hours of rehearsal, our tender-footed travelers look worse than when they began. Noah suggests Anne and Tara remain on the twin podiums from start to finish -- that way if they mess up, it will look like they're just free-styling. Roni privately rips her talent-free travelers to shreds: "Jon has no rhythm, Noah thinks he can dance but he can't, and the girls just giggle." Glamour is a rocky road... Phone call! It's for Anne. Guess who's coming to dinner? Doctor Tim! He's coming to visit for the weekend. Anne couldn't be happier. Well, maybe if Tim was bringing her a diamond ring... That night, Anne races to the station to greet Tim. She throws her arms around his neck and won't let go. Doesn't look like he wants her to. The next morning, Anne and Tim wake in each other's arms in the Winnie. Anne jokingly reminds Tim that her job is much more demanding than his: "You play with screws and plaster. I have to shovel manure and drive cattle with no water. Professional wrestling? Done it!" It's as if they've been together forever. That afternoon, the Roadies dress for the big night center stage. Halston, Gucci, Fiorucci. Noah is worried, "I have no upper body." Jon tries to buoy Noah's self-image, "your arms are hot, your abs are hot, you move hotter than anyone I've ever seen, you're a super tramp!" OK Jon, if you overdo it he won't believe it. The Roadies drive over to the club and a huge line of partiers sprawls down the block. A line packed with hot ladies, by the way. Noah is freaking. The temptation! He chants, trying to maintain control, "I have a girlfriend." Anne has made up her mind, "I'm not dancing next to Roni, I'm dancing on the other side of the floor where the white girls dance." Wise decision. The lights dim and noise from the crowd falls to a hush. The Roadies bound onto the stage and you know what? - they're not half bad! It was kind of strange to see Noah making love to the floor, but hey, maybe nobody noticed. As the Rulers bound off stage, Michael rewards them with $1900 -- that should keep you going for a while. A cool-down at the bar, drinks all around. Suddenly, Noah is surrounded by a pack of lovelies. One catches his eye -- her name is Natasha. They bump and grind and a little bit more... The next morning, Noah confesses, "I'm having fun in the evenings and feeling guilty in the morning." Noah phones Rebecca to apologize for not calling. It's a short conversation. Know what I mean? Later that day, when the Roadies hit the beach, Natasha joins Noah. The lovers sit thigh to thigh. Cheek to cheek. Noah confesses that he is envious of friends who can date whomever they want without spousal repercussions. Natasha understands, but it doesn't look like she's going anywhere. That evening, Anne and Tim spend their final hours together. He buys her a little ring and she cries softly. Now it's back to the station for farewell. Like pulling off a Band-Aid, the parting is quick and painful. Now Anne is reduced to tears, alone in the back of taxi. Doctor Tim to Anne's arms, STAT! from MTV.commoreless
  • Blood and Guts
    Blood and Guts
    Episode 10
    Anne admits she has lost all hope of finding a brilliant, sexy dream man. A dead dummy delivers the next clue to the Roadrats - travel to the Emergency Room at Detroit Receiving Hospital, STAT! This week's show is not for the squeamish. If you get nauseous at the sight of a paper cut, you'd better watch this one from between the fingers of the hands that cover your face. Just when you thought ROAD RULES had reached a plateau of adventure and excess, along comes a mission that materializes as the most challenging ever... Lives are literally hanging in the balance as the Roadies roll through the dilapidated Detroit wasteland at five a.m. They arrive at Detroit Receiving Hospital, where they are immediately introduced to the local staff of residents and the chief of Surgery, DOCTOR D. Your mission? Spend 27 hours on duty as resident doctors. The Roadies fall silent at the intimidating order, but there's no time to consider alternatives (like how do I get out of this one?!) as the Roadies are shoved into lab coats and sent on their first tour of rounds. As the Roadies scurry down the hallways, LISA, a five-year resident, explains the various trauma codes, one through three. Three is DOA, dead on arrival. One is the most important - a life in danger of slipping away. At first, the hospital is comfortably quiet. Lisa shows the Roadies how to check blood test results, using an intimidating computer. She explains how to retrieve and display x-rays. Now the beepers sound and the intercom blares, "incoming, code one!!" An ambulance roars into the receiving area and the Roadies help wheel the gurney into the OR. The victim is a twenty-year-old girl. Her name is Melissa. She was sleeping in the back seat of a moving car when the car was rammed from behind. Her spine is broken and twisted, pressing on vital organs. Jon holds her hand and talks her through the pain. The doctors cannot determine if Melissa will be paralyzed. Without warning, the Roadies are whisked off to another crisis. Elizabeth is an elderly woman who is undergoing stomach surgery. The Roadies watch in mystified horror as a breathing tube is inserted near her belly button and brought out of her throat. Noah can't take it. He dashes into the hallway and collapses on the floor. Yes, he's fainting. The beepers and intercom again, and another ambulance roars up to the hospital. Doctor D explains, "this one is a car accident and this is as bad as it gets." The victim is rushed into surgery. Doctor D. chooses Dan to assist. The doctors slit the victim from waist to throat and start removing his organs, searching for damage. Dan is speechless, but he remains on his feet. Dan steps from the table to speak directly to the camera, "it's frightening, this guy might die." Meanwhile, Noah and Anne have hooked up with Doctor Tim. He's maneuvering a dislocated leg back into place. Noah helps out, lifting the ankle, as Tara applies pressure, as directed, to the pelvis. Now the leg must be moved into traction. Dr. Tim explains, "you just have to drill a hole through the bone and slide the bolt through." Noah is shocked, "we have to drill a hole!?" Dr. Tim assures Noah he'll do the drilling - and he does, and we show it all. In one side and out the other. Noah snips off the extra ends of the bolts. The beepers, the intercom, another ambulance. This one is a tragedy. A man's car stalled, so a good Samaritan stopped to give him a jump. The two cars were placed nose to nose, the men standing between. A third driver appeared, ramming into the back of the first car, crushing the two men between the cars. Dr. Tim immediately sets the legs and begins to apply a plaster cast. Jon assists, pulling on the limb in an attempt to attain a pulse. Apparently, there is no pulse in the foot, which could result in amputation. Jon pulls with all his strength, sweat rolling down his face. And guess what? He brings back the pulse - saving the leg. Jon admits, "this is the crowning achievement of my whole life." Another auto crash. Anne follows Doctor Tim to the OR. She calls him "quickie pants," he calls her "slow poke." They both laugh. Is this flirting? Doctor D drags Anne over to the operating table, where she must hand-pump vital fluids into the victim. She can't take her eyes off the surgery, nearly forgetting her own duties. The doctor screams at Anne, "keep pumping, faster!" Later, all the Roadies move upstairs to check on Dan's patient. Lisa informs the cast that the man has just died. Dan quietly recalls how a mere hour ago, he heard the man's voice, and now that voice echoes in Dan's head as the man lies motionless, a bloody sheet pulled over his face. The Roadies move over to Melissa's room. She's got feeling in her toes and is responding well to the tests performed on her. She'll be all right. Noah reminds Jon, "it could just as easily been one of us." Jon explains that working in the ER has made him realize how fragile life is: "we're walking around in glass bodies - we can break at any time." Dr. D congratulates the Roadies on a fine tour of duty. They helped save some lives. Now a quick nap and it's on to the party at Lisa's house. Anne grabs a plate of food and immediately snuggles in next to Dr. Tim. They're chatting and laughing within a few moments. Hey, let's get out of here. Anne and Tim leave the crowd behind to head into the city for a few drinks and some live music at a local pub. There's really an energy between them. He's digging her scene. Anne wants to go hot-tubbing back at the Doc's house and he agrees, "let's go right now!" They disappear into the night, wrapped in each other's arms... The next day, Anne wakes with her roomies at the hotel and immediately dials her favorite physician. Dr. Tim offers to take the group water-skiing for the day. Everyone's having a great time, eating some waves, jumping the boat's water wake. As night falls, Dr. Tim drops the Roadies back off at the Winnie. Anne bids all goodnight. That's right - she's leaving with the Doc. See you in the morning! Her brilliant, sexy dream man has arrived and she's not letting him disappear. from MTV.commoreless
  • Afraid to Love
    Afraid to Love
    Episode 9
    Dan is precariously perched on the fence that separates Rachel and Tara. Roni fears a slaughter is imminent when the Roadies receive a clue instructing them to "bring home the bacon." It's a gorgeous morning, and Tara and Anne are simply sitting on the sidewalk, soaking up some rays. Anne immediately starts to tease her pal, goading Tara to admit that she and Dan have fallen in love. But little T only smiles and giggles. Is that a yes? Everyone piles into the Winnie, and Tara and Noah settle on the couch and slip into a serious discussion. Tara quietly confesses that she felt like an ass while in Rachel's presence. Noah reminds Tara "it's not your job to protect Rachel - that's Dan's job." And besides, Noah continues, you shouldn't feel bad, because nothing has "happened" between you and Dan. Tara confesses that she and Dan finally kissed - just before arriving in Minneapolis. Perfect timing. The Roadies follow their clue to a feed mill where the proprietors, Barb and Mike, explain the next mission: you must care for three pigs for seven days and then safely transport them from Wisconsin to the Future Farmers of America in Michigan. Now come meet your babies! There they are, the little cuties! Look at them all cuddling in that cardboard box, lying on top of each other like... well, like pigs! It's all very Charlotte's Web. Noah reads an ID tag slung around the neck of one of the pigs: "Go to Noah's House." But Noah doesn't want pigs in his parent's palace - "they're dirty, smelly, and not Kosher - in more ways than one!" The kids gingerly place the piggies into the shower stall of the Winnie and roll on. With an oink, oink here and an oink, oink there... Noah's place! Huge green lawn, nice house. Kind of reminds you of Dan's place. Mom, Dad, and brother Josh are in the driveway waving a warm greeting. After a round of hugs, Noah unloads the pigs and builds a little house for them in the garage. After a fabulous dinner, Noah, Daddy-o, and Josh each grab a guitar and it's time for a jam session. They've got it going on. Meanwhile... Dan and Tara cuddle in a quiet corner of the living room. Dan wants a firm answer, "do you care about me?" Tara evades, "I care about a lot of people." After much beating around the bush, Tara confesses she was kind of thinking Dan could be her boyfriend: "I love the idea, but it scares me." Dan confirms, "you're afraid of commitment." Tara can only nod her head. Dan privately admits he's really into our girl, but confesses "she'll probably get rid of me in two weeks." The next morning, the Roadies pack the pigs into the Winnie and bid Noah's parents farewell. They roll to Chicago, where they check into a swank hotel, but no pets are allowed. Dan reminds everyone, "we can't leave the pigs alone." Right, they might drive away in the Winnie. So how are we going to get them inside? Jon retrieves a luggage rack from the front desk, places the box of pigs on the lowest shelf, and then tosses a blanket over the whole mess. Going up? Into the elevator and into the room and... done deal! Anne transfers the little wilburs into the bathtub. How do you like your new home? Anne explains, "our pigs are like our children and we have to take care of them." Anne and Jon roll up their sleeves and get scrubbing. No, not the floors. They're giving the piggies a bath! And the critters are not happy. The squeals! You'd think they were being slaughtered. It's just a little Mr. Bubble, Wilbur... Now it's time for bed, but the pigs still won't shut up. Jon is nervous. If the hotel staff realize the pigs are in the hotel, if they "smell a smell or whiff a whiff, we're dead." Noah sneaks into the bathroom with his guitar and starts to strum and sing, "Old McDonald had a farm... " And before you know it, the children are snoring sweetly. Later that night, Anne pulls Tara aside in the hallway for a little heart-to-heart. "I don't care what you say," whispers Anne, grinning, "you and Dan are falling for each other and neither of you will admit it! Falling, falling, falling!" Tara admits nothing, and moves out into the dark night on her own. She slowly walks through the quiet city streets, contemplating her choices. Dan is right behind her eyes. She takes a seat at a local café - the place is empty. She's thinking. What's it all about? Finally, Tara privately confesses, "I've been cheating myself. Dan and I are getting close, but I have been too cautious." Back at the hotel, Tara is sobbing on the pay phone. "Mom, he's my whole life right now." Commitment is frightening. Just ask Tara. Later that night, Dan and Tara sit quietly together in the window seat in their room. The city is at their feet. Dan asks, "are you going to break up with me?" Tara smiles and shakes her head. The next morning, Dan and Tara wake in each other's arms. Dan whispers, "there are things I want to say to you, but I'm not going to say it all now." Tara reminds him not to say I love you, because "that's gross!" Dan and Tara giggle, and pull each other closer. Don't say it, live it! The Roadies all hike to a local beach, where Dan and Tara immediately hit the water. They're wrapped in each other's arms as warm waves gently rock them into a state of bliss. Tara confesses, "I know that when I have sex again, it will be making love." Pig week is over, and the Roadies motor to a large farm in Michigan, where they are greeted by a group of kids - the mythic Future Farmers of America!! The Rulers, with little reluctance, hand the pigs over to the excited pack of young boyz. The pigs squeal their good-byes as the Roadies cover their ears and wave farewell. As the Roadies step back to the Winnie, Anne discovers a dead body under their back tire! It's a dummy - and a clue: "get me to the hospital STAT, Detroit Emergency Room." Looks like it's ER or bust! from MTV.commoreless
  • Athlete's Foot
    Athlete's Foot
    Episode 8
    Anne must fore go fashion when a sprained ankle forces her to accessorize with a pair of crutches. The Roadies intercept a clue sending them to Platville, home of the Chicago Bears football team. All right, everybody get back and give her some room! Anne is sprawled out on the bed in the Winnie's living room. She's got ice-packs on her ankle and painkillers on her mind. Jon scoots onto the bed, trying to convince Anne that she looks cute. She doesn't feel cute. Jon bends down and gently kisses Anne's bare feet, over and over, while softly stroking her leg. Anne can only cover her eyes - with pleasure or disgust, we can't tell. Noah safely steers his crew to a delightful cabin in the middle of the woods. The little place overlooks a lake and there's a long dock just right for diving - or shoving. As the others swim and hike, Anne parks it on the shore - she's furious that she can't participate. Jon confesses, "I feel miserable because I know Anne is so sad." That night, Jon slips into Anne's room, offering more kisses. Anne explains she doesn't want anyone touching her feet right now - the little doggies are just too sore. Jon explains that he wasn't thinking feet... How about the forehead? He stands and leans over Anne, puckering up... but she quickly turns her face away threatening to "impale" Jon if he dares kiss her. So much for romance... Jon privately confesses that he's growing lonely for female companionship. Hey, Noah looked pretty good in that dress from the WWF... After a quiet night on golden pond, the Roadies rise and shine and motor on over to meet RAMON at the Chicago Bear football training camp. The Roadies indulge Ramon with a quick tour of the Winnie before he takes them over to the practice field to meet three huge, young rookies. It's handshakes and introductions all around and then Ramon explains, "your mission is to create an act to present in the first annual CHICAGO BEAR KA BONG SHOW." What the heck is a Ka Bong show? It's like this. Common citizens, like our Roadies, present skits before a panel of judges. Best skit wins the prize. A large Chinese gong sits just off stage. If one of the judges decides an act especially awful, he simply bangs the gong and the team is kicked off the stage. Sounds fun, doesn't it? The Rulers are broken into teams of two and each team is assigned a Rookie. Now go practice for an hour, get your skit together, and then come back and we'll proceed with the show. Ramon explains that the winners will receive Bears jerseys and the losers will be forced to wash the team's dirty dishes. Practice makes perfect... It's show time! First up are Tara, Anne, and their very own rookie DARNEL. That guy has been eating well. To the tune of "I'm a Little Tea Pot," the three pathetic performers start to sing "I'm a little Bears fan... " Yuck-o-rama. Before they can complete the first verse, one of the merciful judges gongs the heck of them and they exit the stage with heads bowed. Next up, Dan, Jon, and their very own rookie BOB. Holy cow, Bob is even bigger than Darnel. And he looks meaner. Dan will play narrator as Jon and Bob act out the parts. It's a day-in-the-life of a rookie. Bob plays himself and Jon gives the performance of his life in three roles that include a lovely lady and a break-dance master. The trio avoids the gong and racks up 20 points. Not too shabby. Our final contestants are Noah, Roni, and their very own rookie JOHN. Of course, Noah is wielding his guitar, and Roni is busting some fierce dance moves. Good ole John is keeping time with both Roadies, singing and dancing like a prow. The judges are laughing and clapping along. It's looking good... No gongin', and the team racks up 41 points, pushing them to ultimate victory. Anne informs Darnel, "you're helping us do dishes!" Anne, Tara, Jon, and Dan head for the kitchen... What a mess!! Before Anne's mouth fell permanently open, she described the kitchen as "a neverending pile of dishes." There are dirty aluminum food vessels everywhere you look - literally. The losers pull on some plastic aprons and roll up their sleeves. After a few hours, that never-ending pile is still neverending. Ramon returns and instructs the slaves to follow him outside. Released from this dungeon of grease and brought back into the light of day, the Roadies are presented with a Bears football that bears a clue: travel to Rockford, Illinois and bring home the bacon. The Rulers pile back into the Winnie and it's a lovely afternoon of scenic driving. Noah points out an enormous white letter "M" that has been built into the hillside up ahead. It's the largest letter "M" in the world. The chamber of congress was really grasping at straws, here. The "M" is supposed to represent the efforts of local miners. The Roadies pile out and scatter over the hillside, checking out the "M". Of course, Anne can't hike, so she parks it on the grass at the foot of the mountain. Tara keeps her company, questioning, "who do you think you'll talk to after the trip?" Anne isn't sure, but she doesn't think it will be Roni or Jon. Tara confesses that she digs Jon, explaining, "if we were stranded and had no food and had to eat each other, Jon would say 'eat my arm, I have another.'" He's just that kind of guy... Back into the Winnie and back on the Road. The Roadies follow their clue to the enormous CINNABURST FACTORY. Bring home the bacon, or bring home the bubbles? First it's a tour of the joint, and now the competition. Katie the Cinnaburst lady explains, "you're going to be broken into teams to pack gum on the assembly line. You will receive three tenths of a cent for every pack you pack. Whoever packs the most will get to keep their money!" Now, this is just like that I LOVE LUCY episode where Lucy and Ethel have to wrap chocolates. Roni and Jon are team One and they just can't get it together. They keep calling out, "turn the machine off!" Dan and Noah are pretty good. But Tara and Anne are determined - they want that money. Their concentration is obvious and it pays off. Jon and Roni box 148 packs, Dan and Noah box 170 packs, but Tara and Anne box 202 packs, earning themselves $485.00. Tara screams, "we're going shopping!" Katie hands over another cast of gum, "your clue is in there." The Roadies furiously start unwrapping pieces of gum and Dan finds the clue first: "Travel to Tiffany, Wisconsin." On the road again... Noah wants to make a pit-stop in Madison; he wants to show the others his college campus and the house he lives in. During the drive over, Dan and Tara are snuggling on the couch and Jon privately confesses that he is envious of the couple and wishes he was part of a couple. Guess that's why he's been trying to kiss Anne's feet. The Winnie rolls to a stop in front of Noah's house and the funny thing is it looks a lot like Dan's college house. Of course, there are tons of guys sitting around drinking beer, which looks mighty inviting to Ann. It doesn't take Anne long to hook up with the hunkiest hunk in the joint, Brandon. The couple decide to spend the day together and there's a lot of hand holding and lip bumping. Anne invites Brandon in for a tour of the Winnie and then invites him to trade shirts with her. He peels off his tee and Anne hands him one of her own. Brandon moves to tug it on, but Anne suggests "could you just hold off on putting your shirt back on?" He does have a chest... It's time to hit the road, but Anne just can't tear herself away from Brandon. She jumps out of the Winnie to smother him with one last kiss as Jon sits in the driver's seat grinding his teeth. Why? After all, he's kind of attracted to Ann. And he's disappointed that Anne would get so physical with someone she just met. It's kind of a tense situation. Jon confesses, "feelings are more powerful than anything and they can devastate lives." Hang in there, Jon. from MTV.commoreless
  • Go Dan!!!
    Go Dan!!!
    Episode 7
    Anne's fine sense of geometry sniffs out a triangle as the Roadies receive a clue that instructs them to visit Dan's hometown. The impending confrontation between Tara, Dan, and Rachel (Dan's ex-girlfriend), leaves everyone holding their breath. As per usual, Noah is at the wheel of the lovable old Winnie as it hurtles through the golden sunlight towards Minnesota - home of Paul Bunyan and Dan. Tara is smiling and laughing, but she can't completely hide her nervousness. She asks Dan, "should we show your parents our bed - show them we sleep together?" Dan surprises everyone when he explains that his father would be upset if Dan were sleeping alone. But Dan privately confesses that he is very apprehensive about Tara and Rachel finally finding each other face to face. Look at that house! It's LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, 1998. Perfectville. Norman Rockwell. Everyone piles out of la Win and Dan leads the way right into the waiting arms of his happy parents. It's hugs for everyone and come on in and have something to eat. Mrs. Dan has food piled around everywhere and the Roadies dig right in. Mr. Dan points out the large map tacked on the wall - look, this charts the route of your Northern Trail. Kewl, pops! Oh and don't forget to take a look at the pictures of Dan hanging on the walls. Well how could we forget, they're everywhere! A few pictures of Mom and Dad are thrown in for good measure and we find that Dad played football for the Vikings. In fact, Dad has had a lot of influence on Dan, especially as a coach. Witness the mantra that Dad has instilled in his son: "Good, better, best, never let it rest, until your good is better than the best." How 'bout a little pressure... Dan recognizes his father as a very positive person and believes "that's where I get it from." Yet Dan also realizes that he has a habit of shying away from conflict. But no more - he's gonna face his problems head on... starting with Rachel. Without a moment to lose, Dan hits the phones and invites all of his friends over for a visit. All of his friends -- including Rachel. Within minutes, the house is filling up with rosy-cheeked teens who all want to get into a good college. Tara casually sips a beer, but her eyes never leave the front door. Is that her? Is that her? That's her! Gosh, she's quite pretty. Rachel cautiously shuffles through the front door, shy and awkward. As usual, Anne cuts right to the heart of the situation, "Dan is on the hot-seat, trying to make two women happy." Double your pleasure, double your fun. Double your trouble. Dan moves out to the back patio for some male bonding, and his buddies ask what's up with the dueling damsels. Dan quietly assures them that even though it's an uncomfortable situation, everything is out in the open. On the front sidewalk, Tara and Rachel are standing side by side, painfully trying not to notice one another as the others around them chat casually. Without making eye contact, Tara introduces herself to Rachel, but Rachel can only flash a weak smile. Yikes. Dan privately confesses that he is spending most of the evening with Rachel, but defends his actions as his natural right - he needs to comfort her after causing her so much pain. But Rachel keeps trying to touch him, keeps trying to cuddle. Dan finally gets her alone for a private chat and sets her straight: "I'm not your boyfriend any more, and it feels good." He escorts her to her car. Next morning, the kitchen is miraculously stocked with another enormous spread of food. Where does it all come from? All bellies full, now how shall we spend the day? Well, obviously we should drive to Dan's house on campus and party! Everyone piles back into the Winnie and you-know-who gets behind the wheel as usual. On the road again. Hey, what's this? Anne grabs a cassette tape from the counter - it's a new clue!! Noah pops the tape into the player: "Meet Sean in Hayward, Wisconsin." Could that be lumberjack Sean from The Real World? Noah is tripping - Wisconsin is home! Have you ever seen the movie Animal House? Well, the house that Dan lives in is nothing like that. Yeah, everyone is drinking beer and milling around, but it's a pretty sedate scene. Maybe it's because everyone is waiting for Tara and Rachel to rip each other to shreds. Dan cuddles with Rachel on the couch as Tara chats with some of the local boyz. Rachel can't help but tell Dan she thinks Tara looks just like Marcia Brady. I don't think that's a compliment. Dan quietly confesses that he feels like a hypocrite for spending so much time with Rachel after convincing Tara that Rachel was out of his life. What can a guy do in this situation? Dan hits the keg and he's getting a little tipsy. Yep, he's gonna pass out on this nice bed right here. Dan plops his bones onto a futon as Rachel slinks into the room and closes the door behind them. She asks Dan if he would like her to sleep with him. Now, what kind of question is that?! Slightly slurring, Dan reminds Rachel that it's her decision. She cuddles down next to him... So much for breaking up. And don't think Tara doesn't notice. She's a little miffed. "He's sleeping with Rachel tonight and will be sleeping with me in the Winnie tomorrow night? Not cool." Sleep well! The next morning, the Roadies head back over to Dan's parents' house for the final farewell. Dan explains that Rachel did sleep next to him, but nothing happened. He continues, "Rachel needs to get over me because I'm gone." Another round of hugs, and it's bye-bye. All roads lead to Wisconsin, and Noah's pulse starts to pep at the thought of hanging with his homies. First stop, the designated lumberjack camp. Look, up on the top of that pole! It's a bird ... it's a koala bear ... it's Sean from The Real World! He's got his climbing spikes on and he slides down the trunk back to earth as the Roadies step over. Anne is grinning her man-trap grin. Her only comment: "Sean is a babe." Bunyan boy explains that the Rulers will be training to compete in five lumberjack competitions: the ax throw, the cross cut saw, the log roll, the boom run, and the speed climb. Today we train, tomorrow we vie for the championship. The Roadies hit the water and forget about sawing logs - it's time for rolling logs. Poor Anne falls off her log before you can say "uncoordinated." She's sprained her ankle. Jon gives Anne a piggyback ride over to the Red Cross Station. She's out of the competition for good, but the rest of the Trail Blazers put in a full day of preparation. That night in the Winnie, Dan and Tara are laying side by side on their bed, but they aren't touching. Dan asks Tara if it was weird for her to meet Rachel. Tara confesses that she feels like "bitch girl." Dan confesses that he felt awkward hugging Rachel, but still wanted to because he wants her as a friend. He asks Tara point blank, "is there something I can do to handle this situation better?" Tara assures him there is nothing he can do, reminding him "it's all good." Dan quietly asks, "so we're back to normal?" Tara snuggles in next to him as the Winnie rolls on. The morning of the competition. Dan explains that everyone has always considered him "good during practice, but can't win the game." Today he is out to change all that. And he's off to a good start. He wins the speed climb, leaving a shocked Sean open-mouthed with a time of 13 seconds. Not bad for a beginner. He also wins the ax throw. Poor Anne tries to do her best with her bandaged ankle, but her ax doesn't even stick into the target. Next, Dan wins the cross-cut saw event. Now Noah is getting steamed. He wanted to win first place, after all: "I'm sick of Mr. All American Porn Jock winning all the time. He's not gonna win the next one!" This only gives Dan more motivation, "I want to win just to shut Noah up! But even if I win, that probably won't shut him up." What's next? The boom run. Ten logs are tied together end to end between two docks and the contestants must run across them without falling into the water. Most people don't make it even two steps. But Dan makes it all the way, winning the event and the championship. But he's done more than win - he's learned something. "You can't be confident and second-guess yourself, or you'll lose. You have to believe in yourself, until good is better than best." Right on, brother. from MTV.commoreless
  • Roadies on the Trail
    Jon's confidence in his own abilities squares and then cubes during a tour of duty with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Our Roadies pile into their roller-home, a bit disappointed to be leaving the marvelous Mounties, but panting to partake of a new mission. Jon takes the wheel as the others take a chill on the couches back yonder. Dan questions Jon: you claim to be athletically uninclined - does that mean sexually too? Jon brings that line of thinking to a screeching halt - no, no, no! Jon explains that he is very coordinated in sex. We're talking Twister Pro. Dan pushes further, "what muscles do you use during sex?" Jon says most important is the gluteus maximous - for thrusting. Noah grabs his guitar - that's right, it's song time! Is this the Salvador Dali ROAD RULES or what?! Noah strokes as Dan lets loose with a ditty about Jon's tight shorts that feature his butt and his big semi-truck. Hours of driving land the kiddies in NORTH DAKOTA. Have you ever been there? Me neither. It's one of those rarely visited, mystery states. Now we roll on in to THE FIGURE FOUR RANCH. Noah's hoping for a farm girl, "who wears chaps and you can see her naked butt sticking out." Suzy chapstick. Jon pulls on the parking brake as Noah busts out the back door, falling right into the arms of CARMEN. Guess what? She's a foxy farm girl with long blond hair - no chaps, sorry. Tara is rolling her eyes and hanging onto her lunch: "Noah thinks every girl is in love with him." Well, aren't they? Carmen introduces TEX and KEITH, two Native American men who proceed to reveal the mission: a two-day cattle drive! The Roadies will be in charge of delivering six cattle to sacred Indian grounds where a Pow-Wow with nearly a thousand spectators will be waiting. The cows will be like a gift to the tribe. Do we have to wrap them? Stupid question. Carmen leads the Road-wranglers over to a small corral where she introduces them to their new horsies. She demonstrates how to saddle up - blanket, then saddle, then synch. Now everybody up, and we're riding! Look up ahead - there are the cows. Oh, they're cute. But Noah is a little apprehensive - "we have no training"!! Carmen explains, "this is your training right now." The Roadies ride along with the cattle, keeping them in check as Carmen explains that the animals must be herded through the gate up ahead. Without so much as a whispered clue, the little cows dart right into the gate as if on cue. Roni has got this mission in the bag - "you walk along side of the cows and they walk with you - it's easy." Now a good night's sleep. Are you counting sheep or cows? Rise and shine. Tex hands Jon a map - this is the route you'll follow, try to keep the yearlings out of the brush. And now we're on our way! Yee, haw! Look at this gorgeous open country. Nothing but wide open plains and crisp blue sky - not a cloud overhead. And look at our little cows - they're marching single file, for gosh sakes. Such formality. Such nice manners. But, heck, it is a little hot out here. Whew. We need to find that first gate we're supposed to pass through. Hey!! Before the Roadies can say get the hell back here, one of the cows has slipped through the barbed wire and is following its own path. Roni charges off after the little bugger, but wait - she's got the map! She's out of sight and no one knows which way to go. The other cows can sense the confusion. No one is directing their course. Make a break for it... Roni rides back to the group, explaining she almost caught the runaway, but then her canteen exploded all over her leg. Noah is like, "how could you leave with the map?!" Now all of the remaining cows start to scatter and Roni starts barking out orders and swearing her head off. Anne curses right back, and Tara cusses them both out. Amidst the ensuing confusion, a second cow escapes. Two down, four to go... Anne is about to pass out - "it's got to be a million degrees out here and no cloud cover." Jon is not happy with their progress, explaining "we'll make it to the Pow-Wow with a hoof - hopefully." Now the remaining four cow-punks dive into the safety of some green brush. They're completely hidden. Noah jumps off his horse and goes in, screaming his head off, trying to scare the cows out into the open. He's able to chase two of the beef patties out into the open, but the other two just won't budge and the Roadies vote to abandon the pair. The cows seem happy with the decision. They like baking in the sun with no food or water in sight? That's why they're cows and not people. But gosh, that shady brush does look pretty tempting... The Roadies pull off the main path and park it under a shady tree. Only two cows left. Roni wants to quit. New York must seem a long way away right now. Dan wouldn't mind - his horse won't move either way. Jon jumps on his horse and announces, "rest time is over - let's get a move on!" Jon's enthusiasm rallies the spirits of his Roadmates, and all are back in the saddle. Anne explains, "if it wasn't for Jon, we would have quit." No sooner are the Roadies on the move than their last two steak sandwiches dive into another cluster of shady brush. Roni nearly snaps, pounding on her poor horse's neck. Jon jumps off his horse and stalks into the brush. He's able to chase the cows out, but they dash right back in. It's all very KeyStone Cops. Of course, Noah thinks he can do a better job, so he jumps down and enters the weeds, threatenin "I'm gonna cook you and eat you!" Please do! Pause. No cows are running for their lives. Anne calls out, "Noah, what are you doing?" Noah yells, "dragging my ass through poison sumac!" Don't scratch... The Roadies are now carefree. Oops, I mean COW-FREE. Look - all gone! No cows and no water. Now, the only goal is to make it to the campground - alive! Dan takes the map and control. After hours of trotting over the hot-baked brown earth, the Roadies arrive at a small, deserted corral. This is it?! No water, no beds, no food?! There's nothing to do now but curl up with a stinky, sweaty flea-ridden horse blanket. Good night, John-Boy. Anne confesses, "right now I would trade my car for a jug of water." What kind of car is it? Tara is dreading tomorrow's embarrassment - "we have no gifts for the Indians." You call it corn, we call it mad cow disease. Next morning. Let's take a bath in OFF insect repellent. Fun, fun, fun. The glamour of television. No, there's no breakfast, silly! The Roadies mount their horses - at least we can move faster with no cows. Small comfort. Dan is Mr. Map, and he leads his buddies to the Indian grounds in a matter of hours. Look up there - on that ridge. It's just like in "Dance with Wolves" - there's a whole tribe lined up on horseback. That's pretty impressive. Tex rides down to the Roadies, greetings, and leads them over to the Pow Wow. As the Indian community looks on, Tex commends the Roadies for their effort, comforting them for doing their best. Tex instructs the Roaders to take their horses over to the corral on the far side of the property. The kids arrives at the corral to find their six cows - ready and waiting. Anne figures it out - "they followed us and picked them up as we lost them." Cute. Tex introduces the Roadies to the BRADY family. These Bradys are kind of like the Jackson Five of the reservation. They can dance, brother! Now it's lessons for everyone. Anne and Tara are jumping around like they're in an aerobics class, while Roni is right at home. Jon confesses he usually dances like a zombie. Dan isn't too light on his feet, but Noah is really into it - he's pretty good - he's channeling Little Booty Shaker. Now everyone is herded into hair and makeup. And don't forget your costume! These are amazing costumes - they must weigh a ton. Or are they light as a thousand feathers? The Roadies dance before hundreds of spectator and Jon is really moved by the experience, confessing "my grandfather is part Native American and I wish I knew more about him." Jon is no zombie tonight... Now the leaders of the tribe direct the Roadies into a huge tee-pee where they are given Indian names as a reward for completing their mission. Receiving an Indian name is quite an honor, and the ceremony is accompanied by much solemnity. Here's a rundown: Anne: Yellow Corn Woman. Roni: Brings the Sage. Tara: Red Corn Woman. Noah: Two Feathers. Jon: Rides the Horse. Dan:Eagle Wing. The Roadies head back to the Winnie, where they have change into comfortable jeans and sweat shirts. They huddle around their own campfire as Roni sums up the challenge of the last few days: "we need to learn to work together as a group." Now let's have a barbecue!! from MTV.commoreless
  • Is That a Gun In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
    Noah is ordering the others around like a general trying to make sure no one gets killed. Anne reminds Noah "you're not the boss of me" as Jon threatens to throttle him!? Those rowdy Roadies are off to Regina, Canada to hook up with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The drive from Calgary isn't so smooth. The highway is fine - no potholes. The trouble is Jon and Noah. They've had just about enough of each other. Noah thinks that Jon just revels in being weird. Flipside, Jon believes that Noah never thinks before he speaks - he ends up hurting everyone's feelings. This tension is clearly compounded by the fact that Jon is dreading the Mounty Mission - "it's cordial Military silliness" - while Noah just can't wait to get in there and flash his badge. The Roadies roll into the RCMP compound, which looks like a tidy college campus. Except for those tidy rows of smartly dressed law-enforcement clones. Great hats. The mayor of the mission explains that the Rulers will be training with the cadets for a few days. Everyone is excited - except for Jon, of course. He confesses, "I'd rather cut off my own legs than be a cop." The mayor escorts the kids to b-block. That's RCMP talk for THE BARRACKS. Barracks is a fancy word for dorm room. Girls and boys are housed in different wings. No hoochie koochie for youchie. In the boyz' barrack, a cadet explains that everyone must rise at 5:15. And be sure to make your bed, following the official RCMP "how to make your bed" diagram. Oh, and shave those sideburns off. Noah isn't having that! Uh, uh. No way. The cadet shows the boyz the community showers and the truth rains down. Jon will not shower in front of others. Period. He explains that he will be wearing his swimming trunks into the shower. Whatever. Now it's off to the first day of drill practice. The Roadies enter the gymnasium where a hundred cadets are neatly squared off into tight rows. Great hats. The Roadies try to blend in with the cadets - which is kind of hard because the roadies don't have hats. The drill sergeant tries to comfort the Roadies, confessing that he doesn't expect them to pick up on all of the marching commands right away. In fact, "at ease everyone." Hey, wait a minute! That doesn't mean slouching! The sergeant explains, "at ease means feet twelve inches apart, eyes forward and don't move except to breathe and blink." This is at ease? I'd hate to see at attention! Jon privately confesses, "I hate this mission," and boy-oh-boy you can see it on his face. What's with that hung-jaw look, mister? Smile! You're on TV! The sergeant starts barking out commands - it's kind of like a square dance. The Rulers try to follow along but it's just a big mess - everyone is stepping on everyone's toes and bumping into each other and falling behind and just - oh, it's a mess. LUNCH BREAK! Thank God. At the lunch table, the tension between Noah and Jon escalates. Noah reminds J-boy that the cadets will rip him to shreds if he actually showers in his bathing suit. Tara reminds Noah that no one criticizes Noah for his phobias. Jon sarcastically thanks Noah for his support. Tara privately confesses that she has noticed that Noah is always calling Jon a weirdo. Maybe Noah is jealous of Jon's creativity and original worldview. Or maybe Jon is a weirdo. Lights out. Lights on. Holy cow. That wasn't a night's sleep, that was a night's nap! Off to the showers. Noah and Dan - nice butts, boyz. Jon, nice trunks. Are those Columbia Sportswear? Just right for the ocean or the locker room. But what does Jon have against a little bare skin? He finally confesses, "I had a problem with faulty zippers as a kid." The Roadies pull on their uniforms. Finally - hats! They really look great. All that starched khaki. And the boots. Arrest me, please! The Rulers are dressed to the nines for their hike over to the gymnasium. But now it's into the locker rooms and out of those uniforms and into the workout clothes. First exercise. Pick a partner. One take a stick and one take a pad. Now hit the pad with the stick as if you are defending yourself against attack. Well, as the fates would have it, Jon's got the pad and Noah's got the stick. Noah is so into this - SMACK, SMACK, SMACK! Meanwhile, Jon is just not jibing: "I think it's so weird that Noah is excited about hitting a mat with a stick while imagining the mat is another human being." Now a round of twelve, count 'em, twelve fitness exercises. Weight lifting. Sit-ups. And the dreaded simulated police chase. It's like an obstacle course with a few surprises. Everyone is pulling it out, but suddenly Noah is on the ground. He can't breathe! Asthma - he's got it bad. Jon can't help but find the irony, "he's the one who enjoys this mission, and now he's performing the worst." It's hard to perform without air, Jon. Everyone is getting enough air out on the firing range. Yeah, these are real guns. Yeah, those are real bullets. Anne lets a bullet fly and she's a little intimidated - "the recoil on this thing is killer!" A row of five round targets have been placed along a far wall - they look like dinner plates. Go! Noah fires and fires, but he only gets two plates down before he runs out of ammo. Jon, you're up. Jon picks off each target without missing a beat. Aren't you fancy. Noah is shocked. Jon is too. Talents are surfacing. You've got the uniform. You've got the training. You've got the gun. Now it's time to put you to the test. The mayor explains that now it's time to play SCENARIO. It's gonna be really real - but no bullets. The mayor explains that the RCMP have received a domestic violence call. Mom and Dad are at it again. The kids motor to the designated address. Everyone breaks into teams. Anne and Tara, you're first. Go in and see what the problem is. Anne secures the gun at her waist as she and Tara march towards the house. Before reaching the front door, you can hear the couple arguing. After some backtalk from the husband, Anne and Tara manage to get more than just a foot in the door. Anne is doing all the talking. Turns out the wife has been punched. Anne orders the husband to put his hands up. Before Anne can get the cuffs on, hubby has grabbed a shotgun and blown Anne away. Anne: "I was shot three times at point blank range. With a shotgun. I'm dead." You sure are, honey. Noah and Dan, you're in. The boyz step to the door and you can really hear the couple going at it. They're mad. Once inside, Dan's doing all the talking and, of course, he discovers that the wife has been punched. Noah quickly arrests hubby. But now wifey has changed her mind - "let my husband go!" Dan tries to explain is doesn't work like that, and the wife becomes belligerent. In fact, hey, she's pushing Dan around. But Danny-boy doesn't stand for that! You're under arrest ma'am. Dan snaps the cuffs on mom and leads her out to the sidewalk. He turns his back for a second and wifey grabs a small pistol from her back pocket and shoots Dan in the stomach. That's right, he forgot to frisk her. Jon and Roni, you're in. Roni is doing the talking, "maybe we can help you two get some counseling." Before you can say, "did your parents beat you," hubby is out the back door. Jon is right after him, dashing around the side of the house. There he is! "Put your hands up," yells Jon, drawing his gun and aiming at hubby. The suspect follows orders. Jon steps over and snaps the cuffs on, but the suspect quickly reaches for the pistol hidden in the waistband of his jeans. Jon wrangles hubby to the ground, but it could go either way. Roni to the rescue. R-girl dashes up to the scene and orders the suspect to freeze, but he won't stop thrashing. So Roni blows him away. That's right. "I had to do it, the suspect was threatening the life of my partner." Jon and Roni walk away alive, winning the scenario. The Roadies change into their dress-reds for the graduation ceremony. These uniforms make the others look like rags. Snazzy! As the Rulers stand at attention, the head guy presents each with a certificate of training. Jon and Roni are called forward for special recognition for their participation in the scenario. Jon has had a realization. "I was dreading this mission and it turned out to be so much fun. I learned I shouldn't be underconfident in my abilities." And you can see it on Jon's face as he accepts a special hat from the mayor - he's proud. And he should be. Now flip that hat over, Jon. And there's a clue! "Your next mission requires a reservation." Do you have a table for... Adventure, party of six?" from MTV.commoreless
  • Breaking In and Breaking Bones
    Look out the window - it's nature! The kids are off to Calgary and the scenery is just beautiful. Gorgeous mountains, flower-sprinkled country side - hey, there's a bear cub! Of course, our cast members are sprawled out and chatting, well below window level. You're missing the view... Noah's kickin' it on the couch and Anne is curled next to him, her head in his lap. She's playing with his hair, and he's letting her. He takes the opportunity to remind her, "I really like girls." What is Anne, a hermaphrodite? Over on the other couch, more cuddlin' is going down. Dan and Tara are shoulder to shoulder, nose to nose. Tara asks Dan, "do you believe there's one perfect person out there for you?" Can you say, soul mate? Dan is a believer, but he's afraid he'll never find his one-and-only. Dan, if you stick your tongue out you'll bump right into her... The Roadies pull off the main highway, deciding to spend the night at a comfy hotel - why kill ourselves trying to drive to Calgary in one day? Now. What shall we do? Let's hit the pool! Everyone changes into bikinis and trunks. Yes, Jon is wearing trunks. Splash, splash, float, float, and now you're a water prune. Dan and Noah hit the hot tub as the others exit to towel off. Amidst foaming bubbles, Dan opens her heart to Noah - he doesn't know what to do! He just broke up with Rachel last week (remember, they were together for two years) and now he's interested in Tara. Hear that, Tara? Noah advises Dan, "Tara is too close to home." Dan doesn't get it, so Noah continues: "if you guys get together and it doesn't work out, you're stuck together for nine weeks - you should just hook up with different girls along the way." Like you, Noah? Dan shakes his head, "I'm just not like that." Back in the hotel room, Tara is pouring her heart out to Jon. There's a lot of that going around - just check the hot tub. Apparently, Tara is really into Dan, but she does recognize that she is a total RB - rebound girl. She also realizes that a visit to the Midwest could force she and Rachel into an uncomfortable confrontation. And that would be a little... ugh, I don't even want to think about it! The next morning, everyone is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, brushing teeth and blowing hair, prepping for the final leg of the journey to Calgary. Noah hauls his backpack across the parking lot and over to the Winnie. Hey, what the... The window of the side door is smashed - the screen is torn. Noah pulls the door open. Oh my God... The winnie has been broken into - robbed and ransacked. Everything is overturned - total tornado. Everything that was in the cupboards is now on the floor. Complete deviant disaster. Noah, don't forget to breathe... Noah runs back to the hotel and drops the bomb. All run to the Winnie. Anne surveys the damage and covers her mouth with her hand, "I feel like I'm going to throw up." Roni beats a fist into the wall, "they stole all my f*cking clothes - my Victoria's Secret underwear - that sh*t is expensive!" As fate would have it, Anne had brought her backpack into the hotel the previous night. She quickly tells Roni and Tara "you can wear my clothes - take what you want." Isn't she a doll? Noah rummages through the wreckage and suddenly, the tears start rolling - his guitar has been stolen. Anne covers her face in horror... Do our Roadies give up? Do they give in? Do they call home and ask for a helicopter rescue? NO! They take a deep breath and keep going - just like life. Everyone pitches in and soon the Winnie is restored to it's former condition - in fact, it's a little cleaner. Everyone buckle up, we're on our way to Calgary! Ain't no stoppin' now... Noah's at the wheel and Anne's riding shotgun as the other indulge in a morning nap. Noah quietly asks Anne, "are you attracted to me?" She considers, then offers a complex but clear response, explaining that Noah is A) not her type B) only 19, and C) has a girlfriend. At the same time, Anne admits that Noah is pretty cute and fun to be around and those facts force her to admit that, yes, she is attracted to him. The truth comes out. Of course, Anne can't help but ask, "are you attracted to me?" Noah smiles, "yeah, sometimes." This really is Noah's arc, everyone paring off in twos. Does this mean that Roni and Jon are next?! The Roadies finally roll into Stampede Park - where they glimpse a towering stadium. Jon immediately notices an enormous black truck with the letters WWF emblazoned on the side. Could it be? Pulses start to race. Jon confesses, "working with the World Wrestling Federation would be a dream-come-true!" Guess what Jon - dreams really do come true on ROAD RULES. As Noah pulls the Winnie up to the back door of stadium, two gorillas, and we mean GORILLAS, exit and start moving towards the Bago. These guys are mountains of punk-rock muscle, dressed in violent jewelry, black boots, and evil makeup. Mom, I'm scared. The hulks rip the passenger door open, screaming, "your next mission is to get your asses kicked!" Noah refuses to be intimidated, "you guys aren't so tuff." One of the flesh piles yanks Noah out of the Winnie by the scruff of the neck and shoves him towards the entrance - this guy is not playing around. In fact, Noah, did that hurt? It's only the beginning... The Roadies are escorted into the WWF dressing room. The joint is littered with fancy-frocked wrestling superstars. There's an Elvis-wrestler, a homeboy-wrestler, a GQ-wrestler - it's all so creative. The hulks order everyone to peel off their street clothes and change into wrestling uniforms. Everyone, that is, except Noah. The WWF punks have decided Noah is a special project - he needs special clothes. Noah gets to wear a dress. After a quick presto-chango, everyone is lead into the stadium and into the ring. It's just like on TV. Anne comments, "I feel like I'm auditioning for GLOW." That's Glamorous, Ladies Of Wrestling... Now it's a crash course - how to become Hulk Hogan in ten easy steps. First: The Drop. It's just like it sounds - cross your arms over your chest and Neste Plunge straight back. Now: The Running Flip. This is hysterical to watch. Dan runs to the center of the mat, flips, and lands right on his butt. Anne lands on her head. Careful there, kids... Noah is so excited about being in the ring, he's climbing all over the ropes. One of the hulks asks Noah to knock it off and pay attention, but Noah can only laugh. But Mr. WWF just isn't having it - he scowls at Noah, growling "you're becoming a real jackass!" Look out Noah, you're gonna get squashed like a bug... Now it's the Shoulder Slam: smash into your opponent's back and send him sprawling on his butt. The Roadies are pretty good at this - it's a great opportunity for them to take out their aggressions - and they do! Now it's Leg Lock time. The towering WWF guy twists Jon's stems into a pretzel - Jon can only plead, "I want my mom." That's mommy, you pretzel stick of a man.. Practice time is over. Ready for a real match? The hulks command the Roadies to follow them - outside. Outside? Why? The ring is right here. Blinding sunlight slams into everyone's eyes. Look, there's another ring set up out here in the parking lot. With bleachers - they're full of spectators! It's time for a few rounds of wrestling, but not WWF style - it's SUMO time. The Roadies each slip into huge, flesh colored sumo costumes and get pumped up - the suit gets filled with air until each kid looks like a four-hundred pound ball of flesh. Here's a black wig to top off the effect. Viola! The opponents square off in a circle - the first to push the other completely out of the circle is the winner. After a few elimination rounds, the finalists are Jon and Roni. Who will be the sumo champion of 1998? Ready, set - SUMO! Roni dives for Jon's legs and he's down like a beached whale. Now Roni rolls Jon right out of the circle, rolling herself into the championship. Roni is rewarded with the gold ROAD RULES wrestling belt - hey look, there's a clue taped on the back: go visit the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Kewl! Roni holds her belt above her head, proud to be a winner. Breakfast of Champions. Let's see her face on a box of Wheaties. Let's see her endorsing Nike tennis shoes. Let's see her auditioning for SLOW. SLOW? That's Sumo Ladies Of Wrestling... from MTV.commoreless
  • The Blind Leading the Blessed
    It's a gorgeous, sunny morning and Noah is alone in his arc, stroking his instrument. That's right baby - he's in the Winnie strumming his guitar. And guess what? He's got rhythm! The boy is musically inclined. A warm breeze sneaks in the open door and tickles Noah's bare feet - it's so nice to have a few minutes to myself. Hey now! The rest of the gang piles into the Winnebago, ending Noah's pluck-fest. But he doesn't care - it's time to hook up with THIRD EYE BLIND - a band that Noah reminds everyone has "really made it." The Rulers motor on over to a fancy, hush-hush hotel and track down suite number 1716. Open the door and there they are - foxy band members Brad, O'Ryan, and Flipper. Flipper? Yeah, Flipper. He's not a dolphin - he just likes using an alias. You know those lead-singer types. Flipper lays out the plan: proceeds from tomorrow night's gig will benefit a teen suicide hotline at the local crisis center and you guys need to make a PSA that will play at the concert. What's a PSA? PSA stands for Public Service Announcement - like a commercial, but designed to service you, not sell you. Flipper further explains that "this mission will not be easy - suicide isn't kewl or sexy." On the up side, the Roadies are granted permission to use the THIRD EYE BLIND hit song JUMPER as a music track for the PSA. Nice! Now go find a video camera and your muse... As the Roadrats exit the hotel, Dan confesses that he is intimidated by the prospect of creating a video. Roni suggests taping a funeral. Huh? Well that's what parents and friends of suicide survivors have to deal with. Tara is not having it - " we are not doing that, it's way too depressing." As the Winnie pulls out of the parking lot, Anne breaks into tears. She's really sobbing. Through welling hysteria, she confesses that a childhood friend once came to her, asking for some private chit-chat. Anne couldn't find the time. Next day, this lonely boy committed suicide. Apparently, Anne has never forgiven herself for not "being there" for the guy. She explains that participating in the creation of a teen suicide PSA makes her feel like a hypocrite. "Why should I help with this PSA when I couldn't help my own friend!" Tara quickly folds Anne into her arms and hugs her tightly as Roni explains that Anne could use this past experience to make the PSA even more powerful. It just might work... Noah pops the THIRD EYE BLIND tape into the cassette player in the dash - wish you would step back from the ledge my friend... The Roadies roll into the parking lot of the Crisis Center and solemnly pile out of the Winnie. Dan immediately notices that their vehicle is sporting a flat tire. All shuffle inside, searching for some info they can put to good use. The Roadies are greeted by Susan Goldman, the manager of the center. Anne pleads for help - we have to make this PSA as powerful as possible. Susan offers a crucial statistic: one in five teens consider suicide. She explains that the crisis center has a twenty four hour hotline that is answered by kids ages 11 to 21. Why kids? Teens who want to kill themselves don't want to talk to an adult. They want someone their own age. The money raised by the THIRD EYE BLIND concert will help keep the hotline going. Armed with the power of new knowledge, the Roadies pile back into the Winnie - and it begins to rain. How appropriate... The next morning, Dan and Roni head out in the Winnie to get the punctured tire replaced as the others pick up the video camera from the rental agency. Noah and Jon pair off to search for the perfect location as Tara and Anne go their own way, searching for the same. Noah and Jon discover a fantastic abandoned building with a menacing ledge, but this location is all locked up. Noah tries to jump the fence, but apparently breaking and entering isn't his specialty. Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Anne and Tara have found a ledge they're pretty partial to - but guess what - this building is locked up as well. Can you say deja vu?! Dan and Roni return to the group as the location scouters swap trespass tales. Noah decides that the video should be shot inside - not outside. As all hike back into the hostel, Tara privately confesses that everyone immediately bowed down to Noah's suggestion without evening questioning his plan. Up in the hostel lounge, Anne is leaning out the window, trying to visualize the image the video camera could create. Noah complains that he doesn't like the lighting - too many shadows. Anne counters that shadows are appropriate. Noah complains that the faces will be obscured. Anne reminds him that the PSA is not about faces - anyone could commit suicide. Noah just gives in completely, "I don't care any more I'll do whatever you want." Tara really lets Noah have it, "if we don't use your ideas you just pull out completely - you can never compromise!" Noah privately complains that he feels like he is in seventh grade. The Roadies finally head back out onto the streets, all but Noah agreeing that the PSA should be shot outdoors. Jon finds a nice ledge, about ten feet off the ground, down near the waterfront. He takes the camera and instructs the others to walk along the ledge. Yeah, that's good - and then Dan, you can be last, and you stop and turn to the camera, and look down - like you're thinking about jumping. Roni explains that most teen suicide victims are white males so their jumper just has to be all-American Danny-boy. Jon instructs Dan to leap of the ledge and our instant-actor does just that, flying right over the camera. Now that shot might look great - or it might look like he's just stepping off the curb. Night is falling, and the opportunity to shoot more coverage has vanished. Tara is worried about the quality of their video work. Jon confesses, "we may have bit off more than we can chew." So just swallow... The next morning, the Roadmates motor on over to a video editing building and stroll into one of the many suites, where they are greeted by their groovy editor, David. The Roadies and Davie bond immediately, and the image wizard attempts to discover just what the kids had in mind for their video - what did you want to see? Jon explains the concept of the video - five kids walking on a ledge, one kid jumps, use some voice over, and give the phone number for the Crisis Center. Sounds kewl. Dapper Davie drops the footage into his AVID video editing machine and checks out the raw material the Roadies have captured on video. Anne quickly complains about the shadows and Noah can't help but cough, "I told you so!" David worries, "you don't have much coverage," but begins to splice and dice, as the Roadies move into a second editing suite to record the voice over. Everyone decides that Noah has the best voice and he reluctantly takes the mic. "One in five teens consider suicide. Call us, we're here to listen." Anne just can't take it. She bolts out of the editing suite and dashes into the ladies bathroom. Noah quickly follows and finds Anne sobbing against a chilly tile wall. He puts his arms around Anne and reminds her what a great job she's done. Anne accepts his comfort and the gesture seems to help, but the tears just won't stop. Night falls. The Roadies scrub-a-dub-dub and are primped and slicked for the big THIRD EYE BLIND concert. You guys clean up well! Noah jumps behind the wheel of the Winnie as Anne takes shotgun. Noah winks at Anne, "you look pretty good." Anne gasps, "pretty good!?" Noah corrects himself, "you look gorgeous." Anne smiles and the Winnie rolls out. At the concert, the mosh pit is packed - and so are the lofts overhead. The music kix and everyone is having a fast-fun, sweaty time. Tara bravely dives into the slamming pit and she's quickly crowd surfing. Right on! And hey, there goes Anne - she's up and sailing over a sea of hands. Hey, that's my butt, mister! A round of applause and Flipper takes the mic, introducing the PSA. A large movie screen descends from the ceiling and the Roadies watch the crowd as the crowd watches their work. In thirty seconds it's all over, and the Rulers get a healthy round of well-deserved applause. Noah hugs Anne and she kisses him on the cheek, hugging him tightly. She seems relieved. The PSA really worked. Who knows, it might even save a life. And Anne will have helped. You can see it in her face, she letting go of the guilt from the past. She confesses with a smile, "I've finally found some closure with all of this." It's all good. Stay away from that ledge... from MTV.commoreless
  • Club Sandwiches Not Seals
    My gosh - what's happened to the driver of the car that spun out of control?! Here comes an ambulance, lights flashing and siren wailing. They're pulling someone out of the car - it's Vince. He can walk - but his back hurts. The paramedics strap him onto the stretcher and slide him into the back of the ambulance. Erika runs across the track and jumps into the ambulance with Vince. Meanwhile, Tara has taken the lead away from Vince and - whoosh - she finishes first. The winner! Tara confesses she feels guilty for taking first place from Vince since he was injured. Dan privately confesses that he is very impressed with Tara's driving. And that's not all... Vince convinces the paramedics that his injuries aren't so bad - hey, I can walk just fine. Vince jumps out of the ambulance and everything is OK. Tara accepts her first place trophy and the Islands cast hits the road - good luck to everyone! Roni takes the wheel of the Winnie - now that she's driven a race car, she thinks she can handle the Winnie. Dan helps her back out of the parking space and reminds her to use the rearview mirrors. Everyone stand back... Now Roni is getting pulled over by a cop. She's shaking - it could be her first ticket. Roni pulls the Winnie curbside and the copper sidles over to her window. He hands her a ticket - a citation for not having a clue! Hey, this ticket is a clue - "travel to Seattle to go clubbing with the stars." Hmm... The Roadies pull into a youth hostel in Seattle and get a single room with three bunk beds - that's cozy. Noah postulates that they will probably end up being caddies - get it, "go clubbing with the stars." Roni does not want to take part in the mission, explaining, "historically, caddies were black." Yikes, that's a good point... As everyone settles in to their new surroundings, Anne slips out for a few hours to buy Noah a gift. That's right, it's his birthday. What would a boy like Noah want? Anne decides to get the guy something very special - something she knows he will need... That night, Noah discovers a gift on his pillow. Anne jumps on his bed as he tears the package open. Guitar strings! Remember, Noah is really attached to his instrument and he only like one type of string. Anne watches Noah's face for a reaction. Noah tosses the packet of strings on the floor, "thanks", and stretches out on his bed. Anne is stunned speechless - the ingratitude! She's pissed and let's him know it, storming out of the room. This must be the hate part of that love/hate relationship thing... Meanwhile, Dan and Tara cuddle alone in the dark and parked Winnie. Dan asks, "do you believe that we have one true love in life?" Tara is absolutely sure of it, "the rest are just practice." Dan privately confesses that he's digging Tara's scene and something could definitely happen between them. They stroll arm and arm back into the hostel. The next morning, Anne is the first to rise. She makes a point of waking up Dan and Tara - yeah, he's in her bed. Anne reminds the love doves, "you guys were the whisper twins last night - you kept me up for hours!" Dan and Tara apologize, "we talked all night - we've only slept for one hour!" You talked all night, huh... A quick shower for all, not a group shower you perv, and the Roadheads motor on over to a fancy golf course for the Wagner / Dalton Charity Golf Tournament. The place is packed. Our cast strolls into the organizer's both for their assignment - yup, they're going to be caddies. But wait - isn't that Al from that show HOME IMPROVEMENT?! Yeah, he's the host and the mayor of this mission. Guess what guys, you're not just caddies today. Each of you will be assigned five words. As you walk the course, you must get your golfer to utter the five words you have been assigned. Without telling him he must say the words. Get it? It's pretty hard. Especially once the words are assigned. Here's a sample: plaid, moo-goo-guy-pan, groovy-baby, etc. You get the idea. For every word uttered, Al (a sponsor of the event) will donate a hundred bucks to the charity on behalf of the Roadies. Well, that's nice, but we kind of need the money ourselves! Well, caddies do receive tips sometimes... Now each roadie is assigned a celebrity golfer. Noah, meet Samuel Jackson. Anne, meet Daniel Baldwin (one of that pack of brothers). Tara, meet Chris McDonald - he was on THE TRACY ULMAN SHOW. Jon, meet Casey Sander - he's on that show GRACE UNDER FIRE. Dan, meet Rollie Fingers - he's a professional baseball player. Roni, meet Detlef Schrempf - and say that ten times fast. Now it's a hilarious afternoon as the Roadies stroll the course and try to get their golfers to cough up the right words. You've really gotta see this one to believe it. Roni is trying to get Detlef to say "groovy baby." What's that phrase from the sixties? The guy thinks she's insane. Tara asks Chris, "what kind of pants are those?" Golf pants. No. "Plaid?" Yes, that's it! By the end eighteen holes, each Roadie has gotten his golfer to say all five words - a true miracle. That's $3000 for the charity! Not bad for a day's work. Now Daniel Baldwin gives Anne a two hundred dollar tip - hey that was nice. He calls our cast over to a water hazard. He chips a ball into the water and explains, "your next clue is on that ball." What?! Dan rips off his pants and dives into the drink. That boy is on the ball... He struggles out of the water, soaked again, clutching the ball - but the ball is blank! Now Daniel pulls the real ball from his pocket and reads the clue aloud (what a joker): "Check THIRD EYE BLIND TAPE." The Roadies dash back to the Winnie and grab their THIRD EYE BLIND tape from the dash - now dash off to meet the ultra cutting-edge band! Kewl... from MTV.commoreless
  • Hello, My Name Is...
    Fasten your seat belts - it's going to be a bumpy season! We've got a whole new gorgeous cast of six, count 'em, six fresh faces who are ready and willing to try anything - at least once. Think you've seen ROAD RULES before? You ain't seen nothing! This season, our highway to adventure takes some twists and turns that no one is expecting! Hey, this is supposed to be a new season - why the heck are Jake and Kalle on screen?! And why are they wearing camouflage? Oh - they still have one more mission to complete. It's a big one. Your favorite love-birds are traveling undercover to six different states armed with rope, blindfolds, and an industrial flashlight. Their mission? Kidnap five new Road Rulers so the new season can begin. Did we save five? Let's try an even half-dozen this year. First stop: Harlem, New York. Jake and Kalle bust into a fancy hotel and sneak into the grand ballroom where a senior prom is underway. There she is - get her! Jake and Kalle grab RONI and drag her, screaming with laughter, over to the elevator. Jake ties a blindfold around Roni's head as they shove her in the getaway van. Roni is eighteen years old and her dreads are eighteen inches long. She's loves to dance and is a graduate of the fame school - I'm gonna live forever... Phoenix, Arizona. ANNE is just getting out of bed - she's still in her underwear! Jake tells her to get it in gear. Kalle secures a blindfold around Anne's eyes and they shove her out the front door - so much for good-byes! Off to Massachusetts. JON is showering. He's a curly haired non conformist who has a gentle way of questioning just about everything. Kalle tells him to rinse off and wrap it in a towel -we got a blindfold waiting for you. Kalle and Jake bust into a dorm room at UCLA. Tara has a hangover and her dirty clothes are piled like little mountains all around her tiny room. She just went to bed an hour ago! On goes the blindfold... Now it's off to Apple Valley, Minnesota where all-American apple-cheeked Dan is finding all his dreams coming true. Turn around, it's a blindfold... The kidnapped castmates are driven to the nearest airport and flown to an undisclosed location. Hours later, they are still wearing the same clothes and those pesky blindfold as they are escorted out to the center of a bridge that crosses a roaring river hundreds of feet below. REMOVE YOUR BLINDFOLDS!! Wow - what a way to meet! It's hellos all around as everyone starts to get to know each other. Anne asks Roni why she's so dressed up - I was at my prom!! But there's no time for small talk as a guide on the bridge starts clamping the Roadies into some bungie jumping gear. What, this again? Not quite. You're all jumping at once - on the same cord. WHAT?! Will it hold? Well, we've never tried it before... The Roadies line their twenty toes up on the edge of the bridge. Jake collects everyone's cash and credit cards. Now one, two, three... my stomach is in my mouth... After free-falling forty stories and bouncing like a yo-yo, the Roadmates are lowered into a rubber lifeboat - Jon spots a rubber duck floating a few yards away. It must be a clue. Dan jumps in and retrieves the floundering fowl - taped to the bottom are a set of keys - you know they fit the Winnie. And hey, here's $1500 cash! The Roadies dash to their Winnie. It's all bright, shiny, and new. That won't last long... They listen to the first Clue Tape: see Don Kitch at the Seattle International Raceway. Dan and Jon tape the rubber duck to the front grill - with duck tape, of course! Why does Jon have duck tape? Don't ask! Noah takes the wheel and we're on our way! Anne is riding shot gun. Right of the bat, there's something between these too. It could be love, it could be hate, it could be both. Noah quips, we're like an old married couple already! All decide that Roni should be the keeper of the cash and she accepts the position. The winnie rolls onto the track at the Raceway. We can't get much speed in this thing... Don Kitch escorts the cast over to a nice line-up of Days of Thunder tricked-out autos. Kewl... Today six of you, three from each team, will be racing for $500. But who is the other team? Here they come - it's ROAD RULES FOUR - ISLANDS. The two casts shake hands then pull on their jumpsuits and helmets. But there's a problem. Roni has only driven a car for three hours in her whole life - and John doesn't know how to drive stick. That's a definite handicap for your team... Now a few practice drills - weaving through the cones, breaking on a dime, jumping out the window in case of a crash. Crash?! Yes - it could happen. Now the elimination round, and our winners are Tara, Jake and Kalle (they do everything together), Dan, Anne, and Vince. Now for the real race. On your marks... The six cars are literally flying around the track. Noah confesses, I'm not upset I didn't make the cut, but I am upset that Anne did. Interesting... Here they come around the bend. Wait - that car is out of control! Who's in it? Car number six skids out of control, flies off the track, and crashes through a mound of dirt. Is the driver alive? from MTV.commoreless
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