
Subject: Re: The Birds and the Bees Date: 6/30/2003 1:07 PM
Recommendations: 13
What do you tell your son or daughter who was conceived with some sort of technological assistance about where babies come from, specifically about where he or she came from?

As IUI seems more and more to be indicated for us (at least from our layman's perspective) we've been thinking about this question and are in fact having second thoughts about it for this reason. Alethea in particular is troubled by this. She read a poem a mother had written to her child that was a prenatal loss that included the line, "conceived in love," compared that in her mind to, "conceived in a doctor's office" or "conceived in a test tube" and really didn't like the connotations. I myself am wondering where the line between what one can do and what one should and should not do is, much of this technology sure feels like trying to do God's role ourselves.

I know we aren't the first people to wrestle with this and would appreciate hearing your experiences and perspectives.

Been there, done that. My kids are 12, and when they started to ask about where babies came from, I always asked if they wanted to know where most babies came from or where they came from. They have, in fact, wanted to know both at different times. I have been very upfront about how babies are usually conceived, and I have given them more and more detail over the years depending on their age at the time and what I thought they could understand. Sometimes they have asked additional questions, and sometimes they have stopped at the first one.

And then we have talked about where they came from. How Mom and Dad couldn't make a baby the regular way, and we had lots of help. They clearly know how much they were wanted, and they know the details of their conception. They know that Mom had to have lots of shots daily, and that Dad gave some of them, and Mom gave some to herself. They know that there could have been 3 of them because when the GIFT was done, 3 eggs went back. So they pretty much know it all.

They also know how they were delivered. I had the first twin naturally, and the 2nd twin by C-section, and no, I don't recommend this particular combination.

But as far as the point about 'being conceived in love' vs. being conceived in a doctor's office, I cannot think of any greater love than all that we went through to get them. The mechanics of the actual conception have nothing to do with whether or not we did it in love. Clearly, we did.

And as my kids also know, we have always told them that having them is the best thing Mom and Dad have ever done.

And by the logic around being conceived, what would you tell an adopted child? They weren't conceived by their parents, but I am absolutely positive they are not loved any less than if they had been. And this is true, I think, whether or not you personally decide to adopt.

Sometimes, you have to think a little outside of the box and not be quite so literal.
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