Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 2047
Bubba Had Three Daughters
One Saturday evening, the doorbell rang. Bubba answered the door and was greeted by a young man with a bad case of acne. The boy smiled and said, "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo. We're going to see a show. Can she go?" Bubba nodded and told his daughter to have a nice time. A short time later, there was a knock at the door. Upon opening it, Bubba was greeted by another pimple-faced boy who smiled and said, "Hi, my name is Eddie. I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Bubba nodded and kissed his daughter goodnight. No sooner had Bubba sat down, that the bell rang again. Bubba opened the door to be greeted by a boy with clear skin who said, "Hi, My name is Chuck..." With that, Bubba shot him.
Toni F.
Joke N° 2048
A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE, WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1- WON'T BEAT ME UP 2- WON'T RUN AWAY 3- HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail... all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day, the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?" "Hi," said the man, "your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away." The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?" To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Suzie B.
Joke N° 2049
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated at either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit... Dave: I reckon he's an accountant. Stuart: No way, he's a stockbroker. Dave: He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the bathroom. Upon entering, he notices that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder... Dave: 'Scuse me.... no offense meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: No offense taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession. Dave: Oh! What's that then? Suit: I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home? Dave: Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Dave: It's in a pond! Suit: Well then, it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Dave: As it happens, yes I do have a big garden! Suit: Well then, it's logical to assume that in this town, if you have large garden, then you have a large house. Dave: As it happens I've got a five-bedroom house... built it myself! Suit: Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house, it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are probably married? Dave: Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children. Suit: Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis. Dave: Yep! Four nights a week! Suit: Well then, it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often? Dave: Me? Never. Suit: Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Dave: How's that then? Suit: Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Dave: I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate. Stuart: I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Dave: Yep! He's a logical scientist! Stuart: What's that then? Dave: I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Stuart: Nope. Dave: Well then, you masturbate often.
Umberto C.
Joke N° 2050
The Lord Will Provide
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out her window, she noticed that the water was still rising. Two men passing by in a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied, "the Lord will provide." The men shrugged and rowed on. By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. "Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide." Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide." So the boat left, the water rose, and the old woman drowned. Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried. "For cryin' out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats."
Nathan D.
Joke N° 2051
Construction Site
Jason R.
Joke N° 2052
Cheatin' Johnny
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, wrote 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary wrote 'Abraham Lincoln' and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary wrote 'I don't know,' and you wrote, 'Me neither'."
Jason R.
Joke N° 2053
Sermon On Temperance
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With his sermon completed, he then sat down. The song leader stood up very cautiously and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."
Donald D.

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