Ciao: Opening it is half the fun

Have you noticed that more and more wines are coming with screw caps instead of corks? And not just Thunderbird and other inexpensive brands.

Well, I for one am appreciative of that trend. I wish all wines came that way. Opening wine bottles can be quite a challenge.

The other night I really had a tough time drawing the cork. By the time I finally got the cork out, I hardly had enough of it left to sniff. In fact I was grateful that I had enough wine left to drink.

Yes I am in favor of the easier-to-open screw caps. In fact, you might say, I am in favor of easier-to-open just about anything, but my front door.

Even prescription drugs and over the counter drugs can be a struggle to open.

In view of past tampering (remember the Tylenol scare and recall of a few years ago), I can understand the necessity for tamper-proof caps.

But that's medication where we are talking about risks that could be considered life or death situations.

But how about our everyday purchases?

Opening almost everything you buy is more difficult than it used to be. So much of it comes encapsulated in impossible-to-open packaging.

Recently, after one such struggle to free some purchase from its entombment, I turned to my wife and asked why someone hadn't invented something to help us with this increasingly Herculean task.

"What task?" she asked.

The task of trying to open a package and extract the contents from their encasement.

"You mean like the CD player that was imbedded in plastic that you struggled with this morning? Or the corkscrew we had so much trouble with last week?"

Exactly. I think they call it cryovac because it makes you cry just trying to breakthrough.

"Usually I have to use shears to get through the plastic in order to pry it open. That‘s why I call it pryovac," my wife said as her blood pressure began to rise.

Nothing like a hard-to-open package to get your blood flowing — sometimes literally, I added. It's pretty easy to cut yourself and then you might require first aid, like a band aid or even a tourniquet.

"Right, and if it's a band aid, look out," Barbara said. "What can be more frustrating than to try to find the little thread to pull to open it and 99 percent of the time the thread doesn't even work, so you may need a scissor."

Yes and risk another cut. You could bleed to death before you get it open. And that is adding injury to insult.

"And how about those little condiment packages you get at a fast food store and that they used to give you on the planes when they were providing snacks," she added, getting into the spirit of things.

Yup, those too.

"They put a mark on those tiny packets where you‘re supposed to open it, but it usually takes your teeth or one of the plastic forks to get it open. And by then half the contents are either on your fingers or your clothes and the fork is broken and maybe your teeth, too. At the very least you'll have a toothache. Maybe a dentist invented them."

Someone should be able to invent something to open them besides shears which you don't always have handy and which you definitely can't take on a plane. After all, someone finally came up with a gadget to open the seal on a CD without tearing the cover or breaking the box. It can be done.

"It's like the companies that produce these products offer a special bonus to the most difficult-to-open packaging," mused Barbara.

And I can see the production and marketing division executives meeting to assure that only the toughest suggestions are considered and then announcing with glee the winning submission.

"And my fantasy is to walk in on one of those meetings and challenge them to open their own packaging," added Barbara with glee of her own.

Yeah, that would certainly give them something to chew on. In the meantime, let's open another bottle of wine. Do you have the corkscrew?