'Jersey Shore' finale: Florence is history

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on October 21, 2011 at 12:55 AM, updated October 21, 2011 at 11:54 AM
jersey-shore.jpgThe House finally learns about art, history and "babies with wings."

Break out the mattress-slides and mimosas, chapstick and push-ups, Florence is over!

After the roundhouse-kicking Mike has a serial killeresque encounter with a drowsy Snooki, Ronnie takes his precious "time and breath" to sit down with Mike and encourage him to air out all the bad blood.

At this point, the house realizes it has not, in fact, learned much about Florence. Except, maybe, that getting it in isn't so easy when everyone is 16, and that the Duomo is not, in fact, the Vatican. To remedy this, everyone goes on a tour of art and history, or history of art.

They meet "tomorrow, in front of the Dwo-mo."

Meatball problems: stupid cupids, the potential for boredom at a dry venue (churches) and one very pale David. Situation problems: everyone still hates him and he doesn't really want to live up to his promise to avoid Jersey when they come back. He prominently sulks like a child who has been deprived of a night's worth of Halloween candy.

Mike actually claims he has no problem being the "villain." If villain means idiot.

"I will take on the whole house at once ... Ya knehhw?" Gotta ... appreciate ... that (Manalapan?) accent.

If the heights of Florence can smooth over the stalemate between Sam and Ron, AKA team "Five-Minute Smush," imagine what they can do for Mike. As everyone takes in the sights and has a drink atop a picturesque summit, the word "sorry" somehow leaves his mouth. Everyone is mostly silent.

On what JWoww calls "a beautiful tanning day" they make a pilgrimage to Marco's clothesline of memories and (now) underwears. Bless that dude. The pizzeria boss had to endure a fake "perioso," employee drinking and the wrath of the meatballs, but the Shore Store needs its people back. Maybe. He can visit! And stay in the smush room! They promised!

Why didn't Mike just leave his Headrush T-shirt on the clothesline? And his story about Snooki in LA? Then, just maybe, we could have gotten to more pressing questions during the post-show reunion, like how it really felt for Pauly to "sleep" alongside Vinny, for the 55th time.

the-situation-jersey-shore.jpgWhat a Headrush.

In a last hurrah at the club, the meatballs suddenly become self-reflective, especially when some random chick assaults Deena's clutch. Would they do the same, they wonder? But not for long.

Best moment: Deena shining up the floor before falling, making it the best day of Pauly's life in the house. Wait, Pauly! Just wait ... till Jionni sets his gaze upon Vinny and Mike back in Jersey!

We'll see them in Seaside (look here for a sneak peek). Until then, let's hope Beavis and Butt-Head can bring us some much-needed perspective on the house.

Follow Amy Kuperinsky on Twitter @AmyKup