Hands off my supersize soda

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on June 18, 2012 at 12:13 PM, updated July 10, 2012 at 10:59 AM
JoulesFreiboth.jpgView full sizeJoules Freiboth
By Joules Freiboth, Argus Community Writer

So there's been quite the soda-related hullabaloo over in NYC. You may have heard about Mayor Bloomberg's proposal to ban the sale of jumbo-sized drinks in restaurants and movie theaters.

You may agree with that idea. Now if I'm going to be real, I don't drink soda, I have never given my kid soda and I don't even think you should be drinking soda. I mean, let's save our calories for something worthy like Tootsie Rolls, Bliss Cupcakes or extra cheese on your slice.

But, even though I think soda is basically poisonous liquefied sugar that will rot your teeth, your brain and probably eventually the majority of the Earth's land masses, leaving all of the mutant survivors adrift on rafts made of whatever food grade plastic material coats the inside of soda cans, I still wholeheartedly defend your right to choose to drink as much of the stuff as you choose to pour down your poor, tortured gullets.

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Maybe you think, whatever, it's not in my backyard. Doesn't affect me. Well, I believe that the gradual erosion of our civil liberties and the freedom to make personal choices that affect only ourselves is something we should keep one eye trained on at all times.

It starts with something everyone can agree with. Cigarettes are gross and cause cancer, says so right on the pack. Clearly, banning poisonous smoke from manhandling the lungs of non-smokers is a solid plan. Which sets the stage for taxing tobacco, banning the sale of trans fats and limiting soda size.

What's next? Coffee? Limiting the number of sugar packets per cup?  Outlawing king-sized candy bars? Shutting down kids asking for seconds at the dinner table? And riddle me this, Bloomberg. What happens when the kiddos buy two cans instead of one? Or when they come back 20 minutes later for a second?

My misspent youth landed me at the corner of Rehab Street and AA Avenue and I strongly believe that removing the substance does not eliminate the problem. You have to educate in a way that is going to stick to the ribs of the consumers. Give clear information, make it personal, give an alternative, make it fun. An old white guy on a soapbox is not fun, people. Nor is water an alternative.

I will give Bloomberg this -- he cares, he's trying to make a difference and he's out there doing something instead of whining and moaning about the choices of others. Well-intentioned or otherwise, I'm not looking for another parent. If it doesn't affect you then I'm going to ask you quite kindly to remove your hands from my soda can and get off my lawn.

The government should be an intricate and unobtrusive lattice, there to support the individual, to provide structure, to link us together while allowing for freedom and growth. That's what makes the premise of this fraught-with-potential country we've got going on here truly great. We get to decide what kind of music we listen to (even Nickelback), what god we kick it with, what we say and even something so seemingly insignificant as what we put into our bodies.

Joules Freiboth, of Aloha, is a reformed wild child gone suburban geek mama, who believes everything tastes better with a heaping side of levity. Proof can be found at LucidLotusLife.