Someone Is Selling This Volkswagen Beetle Tank On eBay

Are you still haunted by the memories of September 11? Do you have a vague, yet constant sense of unease about your own security and safety? Well, you're in luck: the 1973 Volkswagen Beetle with half-tracks and missile launchers that has kept America safe for years is now for sale.

I know you're probably thinking, "Wait— of course I want this— but what's America going to do?" Great question. You're concerned with the greater good, and I can only pray there's more Americans like you. All I can say is I'm sure the owner of this converted Beetle has made arrangements with the US military, and, surprisingly, they must feel secure enough to see the war machine in private hands.

The car, which started life as a stock 1600cc Type I Beetle, was converted in some pretty dramatic ways. Most obviously are the rubber half-tracks replacing the rear wheels, but also it appears the front has been armored with the strongest armor known to man, another old VW hood. The road appears to be viewed through the hood via two tiny slits, for safety. The rear side windows have been covered, presumably by more impregnable Bug steel, and there's two missile launchers on the roof, along with two front mounted machine guns that look suspiciously like Volkswagen air-cooled valve covers with tubes sticking out of them. The surface-to-air missiles may not be entirely functional, either. But I bet those side-mounted gas cans work!

Someone Is Selling This Volkswagen Beetle Tank On eBay

As the seller says about the car:

One small american decided to make a bolder statement to terrorists.,"If you mess with us, U.S., we will get you", and so was born the idea of a camo vehicle, one with surface to air missiles mounted topside, machine guns on front, road legal rubber half tracks to scamper up any hill, rain, snow or mud, run thru rock quarry's, woods and feilds. This State inspected 73 V W Super Beetle Vin# 1137299708 was specially built over many years, used in numerous July 4th and veterans day parades and was in lower Manhattan for the 10th anniversary on Sept 11, 2011. After the half tracks were installed, it immediately became known as Rumble, since it could be heard moving more than a thousand yards in the distance.

After the demise of Saddam Hussein, Osamba Ben Ladin and Momar Gadhaffi it has been decided to put Rumble up for sale and allow someone else to have the most excitement allowed under 30 mph.

So there you go. Starting bid is $42,000, an entirely reasonable amount for any home-modified nearly 40 year-old car, right? I mean, can you even put a price on security? Probably not, but if you want to try, the auction's up for about six more days.

(Thanks, Bob Rounsley!)