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[–]CapnGrundlestamp 0 points1 point ago


My dad was killed when I was 9. It was unbelievably sudden, and therefore I could not be prepared for it. Your situation is so much harder. But to the kids it's going to be the same. They are not going to understand the finality of death, and so you are going to have to handle not just their preparation for it, but also the aftermath.

That second part I can help you with. Be honest with them. Their mother is dead and she is never coming back. For years after my dad died I built constructs in my head to explain where he was. He had survived and was a spy, so he couldn't visit. He had forgotten who he was and couldn't find us, didn't even know he wasn't with us anymore. Stuff like that. Nobody ever asked me how I was handling it, and so it took me decades to finally deal with it.

So talk to your kids. They grieve differently than adults because they lack the life experience we have. Make sure they understand the finality. Make sure they know it's Ok to be sad, and that it is going to get better. Be there for them, but don't be passive about it. Draw their feelings out of them, and walk them through the long painful journey from confusion to understanding. Enlist help if you need to, but identify that need early.

Let them see you grieve so they know it's Ok.

It's going to be hard for them. Your life is different because of the divorce, but to the kids she is still "mom". Don't forget that.

Good luck.