What Were They Thinking? 7 Terrible Phone Names

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Now that all of the good brand names have been taken, the mobile phone industry has been forced to scrape out the bottom of the barrel.

Car manufacturers have it good. With an annual release cycle and persistent brands that carry over from year to year, an automaker rarely has to sit down and develop a new brand name. When they do, they can be memorable: the Mustang, the Challenger, the Ram. Sure, there are the occasional misfires (hello, Pontiac Aztek) but in general, the names lend themselves nicely to vehicles you could expect to ford a small river while ferrying your kids to soccer practice.

Phones ... are a different story. While some manufacturers could sell phones without a brand (seriously, there's not much difference between the "Apple Phone" and the "Apple iPhone," except for the small matter of a trademark), others need a catchy, iconic brand name to distinguish themselves from the competition. That's never been more true than in the Android market, where dozens of phones compete, with only minor differences in display size, processor, carrier, and the version of the operating system.

Mix in overseas marketing departments that may not be aware of homonyms or other cultural elements, and you could have a recipe for disaster. Even the iPad prompted some raised eyebrows for its allusions to feminine hygiene products.

Some phone brands are just overly complex. There's really no need to develop a phone with five or so names, such as the monstrosities that a combined Sprint-Samsung marketing effort can produce. Confusing the customer is not a sound business strategy. But the possibility of a "Galaxy S III Ultra 4G LTE Retro Delite" seems very real.

I doubt that people will pass over a phone because it lacks the vibrant, inspiring brand of its competitors. In fact, certain brand segments seem poised for a resurgence: trees, for example. Why not market a phone with a long-lasting battery life as the LG Sequoia, for example? Or a cute, female-friendly HTC Daisy? I'm available on a consulting basis.

Some caption text by Sascha Segan.

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Casio G'zOne Ravine 2
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Casio G'zOne Ravine 2

Casio G'zOne Ravine 2
Even after several years of Casio's phone line, we're still not sure how to capitalize that. And it won an Editors' Choice: "A modest evolution of the first model, the Ravine 2 is still a killer rugged phone for frequent talkers, although it's not the slam dunk it was last year," we said. This clearly is the odds-on winner for the worst name, no?
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