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Showing posts with label crappy days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crappy days. Show all posts

Saturday, July 2, 2011

P.S. I'm gonna punch you in the nuts

Dear Diabetes,

It has been awhile since I've felt compelled to write you a letter. But you've been a real pain in the ass lately, and today was the high that broke the camel's back.

You see, Elise was at a birthday party today. We almost didn't go because it was outside at a splash park, and the heat and sun makes her rash feel worse. But we decided to dose her up with some benadryl and let her have some fun.

Except that she didn't. Because of you. I was encouraged when she woke up at a nice 108 this morning (that after a middle of the night correction which she fought, and all the screaming woke up her brother... but that is another bitch session for another time).

But when party time came, she was in the upper 200s and rising. We skipped her snack, hoping that would even things out. She kept going higher. Her tummy hurt. She was crying. She wouldn't pose or smile for any pictures and she spent most of the party huddled on my lap. When she did try to play, the stomach pain was so bad all she could do is stand there, bent at the waist and holding her tummy while she cried out.

You are one shitty disease, diabetes.

When it came time for food, my friend let me know that there was pizza, but she had also ordered some chicken strips for Elise if we wanted those.

We asked Elise if she was hungry. She didn't answer. We asked if she wanted some chicken strips. She said no.

She had seen the pizza, and that was what she really wanted, but didn't want to ask. She knows it's hard on her blood sugars. She knows she doesn't feel good after she eats it (to be clear here, we have NEVER said this to her, and we have never NOT let her eat pizza. She's just smart, and she just knows). We told her if she wanted pizza, then that's what she could have.

I think she just felt too awful to eat, because she just sat on my lap; head resting on my shoulder, while all the other children laughed and played in the water. The juxtaposition between Elise and the other kids was glaringly and heart-breakingly obvious.

The day didn't totally belong to you, diabetes. Elise did get to enjoy some cake; icing and all. Who cares that she ate it in place of her lunch. Or that her BG was 280. She ate it and loved every second of it.

So suck on that, you craptastic piece of trash of a disease. It may be a small victory, but we'll take it. Tomorrow is another day and rest assured I will resume kicking your ass then.

Yours VERY sincerely,
Elise's Pancreas by proxy

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Pity party... table for one


Because I don't have the time/money for a therapist.

So what has me on a groin-kicking rampage today?







Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Telling you why I don't like Mondays
















I don’t like Mondays.


Monday, February 21, 2011

Something's got to give

It's been in a terrible week here. And while I am prone to hyperbole, the past seven days need none. The simple fact is I have hit a wall and I'm not sure I can even get back up.

Most of it is due to lack of sleep. By my calculations, I have had no more than 14 hours since last Monday. I wish I were kidding. We've had nights where we've constantly been battling lows. We've been dealing with night terrors. And each and every night, Mattias has decided to wake up and party every 3 or so hours.

Since Mattias doesn't have his own room and sleeps in ours, there's not a whole lot we can do. Last night at midnight, Fred set up the pack and play in our office and slept in there with him so I could get some sleep. Except that Elise's BG was low from 1:00 am until 5:00 am. I was up every 30 minutes checking to see if it was coming up.

The other night (well, morning since it was 5:00 am) with Mattias chatting up a storm in his crib, I completely lost it. I told Fred I would rather be dead than live like this. It was a total meltdown.

And before you call the men in white coats to take me away, of course I don't really feel like this... I am just so tired I can't even control my emotions anymore. I feel like I am perched on the edge of a very tall ledge and all it will take is the slightest breeze to send me into a free fall.

Being this tired has made it very hard to take care of Elise, and it's showing. Her numbers are crazy but I don't have the energy to figure it out. Seriously, it's all I can do to give her her insulin and prepare her food. I haven't made an actual meal in a week because it's just too overwhelming.

Add to all this the stress of buying a new house and trying to sell ours. We put an offer on an amazing house yesterday, but it's contingent on selling the one we're in now. Unfortunately, it's in no shape to be shown, and I don't even know where to start.

Are you bummed out yet?

I feel very removed from the DOC right now. Sure I've posted a few times, but really... I'm just phoning it in. I'm trying to read all of your blogs and comment; I just don't have it in me. I want to respond to all the lovely new people who have commented on my blog but there is just never any time (or energy).

I can't make Mattias sleep. I can't control Elise's diabetes or make her night terrors go away. Something's got to give and I'm afraid it just might be my sanity.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My Mama told me there'll be days like this






