

Check out my stupid summary things of the evolution chains:




The 3 almighty starters






Thanks for reading,


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Evolution Chainz: Da Squirt to the BlastSeptember 24, 2011 by

#007 - 009: Squirtle, Wartotle, and Blastoise

The Crew

Last of the original starter pokemon. Let's get something straight right now: SQUIRTLE IS THE BEST OF THE ORIGINAL KANTO STARTERS. THIS IS NOT OPINION, THIS IS FACT. Alright, so these pokemon are the coolest of the cool. They are water pokemon and they are tanks. They've got the beastiest defense (both physical and special). They may not have the greatest attack power comparing to the other original starter evolution pokemon however, in the world of pokemon, the best defense can be the best offense. Those are great words of wisdom to live by. Yes. Right, these turtles are pretty slow (well of course—THEY'RE TURTLES),  but their D definitely makes up for it. "HAHA PIKACHU USED THUNDERBOLT AND IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE? BLASTOISE AINT EVEN DEAD" Once you get the move Surf, it's pretty much game over for the opponent. When your Blastoise learns Hydro Pump...LOL DON'T EVEN TRY AGAINST THE BLAST CANNON TOISE URTLE (what?) Kay well I'm just trying to say, Blastoise is a monster (just like every other pocket monster). WAIT NO. Blastoise is not just a monster, it's a freaking tank inside of a monster, WITH TWO CANNONS. Get lost haterz (actually wait no stay I need more comments for my blog :) )


Now, lets discuss Ash's Squirtle. Oh man. What a gangsta/swag species/bro/Fonzie this Squirtle is. First off, Ash's Squirtle was in a GANG. YES, A GANG. You can't get any more b0$$ than that (btw boss [/caption]

Wartotle. I don't know what do say. Wartotle is pretty cool, just like Squirtle and Blastoise. Yeah. When I say Wartotle, I feel like I'm talking like a New Jerseyan or something. Yup. That is all.

If I had any of these 3 pokemon, I would be...*Whats the word I'm looking for...* Happy. Yep, I would be happy. Me and my Water type starter would do everything together. And I mean everything: watch iron chef, learn pig Latin, clip each others toenails, make friendship socks (socks that say 'friendship' in purple), become snowy owls, read the first 20 pages of the Twilight saga... Then afterwards read the whole series, go on the Internet and make fun of cats, the list goes on and on. It's just my everyday task list, but with a pokemon.


Imma wrap this up by saying "SO TELL ME FORUM, IF YOU WOKE UP WITH SUPERMAN IN BED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS BElowwwwwwwwww. *stalking ur mom st st stalking—*" just kidding. Gotcha. I ask more serious questions such as, "when's the last time you've hugged a Squirtle? Tell me when and where." and "How many DPM (Dishes per Minute) can your Wartotle clean?" let me know by sending me a hand written letter. Thanks.

Final Rating: 

157 / 158 DPM

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Evolution Chainz: Char to Char...izardSeptember 23, 2011 by

#004 - 006: Charmander, Charmeleon, and Charizard

Aiight, next 3 pokemon. Just like the Bulbasaur evolution chain, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE REPTILIAN CREATURES!! OH YEAHH. These bad boys are fire types, however, Charizard is a fire-flying type. With Charizard, you can fulfill all of your Airplane/hot air balloon/helicopter/hovercraft/ufo/flying pig incinerating needs!! So that's pretty gangster. Anyways, these guys (or girls) have awesome speed and special attack. So when you use flamethrower, you know those other pokemon can't keep up with your powas. Back in the days, i remember being pissed off at Charmander because of the first two gym leaders "SCREW YOU CHARMANDER YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING BLAHAFSIHAFAS" then after that I was all like "omg charmander you're the best omggg luv you" (that was a bit of an exaggeration, I was a very happy child at the age of six and i can't see some of those things coming out of a six year old.) K, one thing that really pisses me of with Charmeleon is its back sprite in the original red/blue/yellow games. Here, look how stupid it is:  LIKE WHAT IS THAT?!?! It looks like an overweight dragon with some sort of horn on its head. It's not even close to what it actually looks like. I know there were graphical limitations for the gameboy, BUT STILL. GAAAH.


Well Ash Ketchum had a Charmander, then a Charmeleon, then finally a Charizard. So this evolution chain get some serious swag points for that. But maaaan, Charizard was so disobedient and such. "Charizard use flamethrower!!" "lol ar u kiddin, ash i do what i want" (Yes, that was a sample of real dialogue from the anime. I found it on some chatroom.)  In the end, Ash let is Charizard let him go to be with all the other Charizards. HOW SELFISH IS CHARIZARD THOUGH!?!? LIKE YOU LEAVE YOUR MASTER SO YOU CAN GO LIVE A FREE AND HAPPY LIFE?!? LIKE WHAT IS THAT?? AS A POKEMON YOU ARE OBLIGED TO SERVE YOUR MASTER. THEY'LL EVEN FEED YOU ONCE IN A WHILE DEPENDING ON GOOD BEHAVIOUR.         ya.

Has anyone realized how useful these 3 pokemon are? Say you go in a dark haunted mansion at 3 am just because you feel like and because you can. With a Charmander/Charmeleon/Charizard by your side you will have a guiding light with you the whole time. Not a ghost will eat you, and you will fulfill your haunted mansion exploring fetish. Think about it, these orange guys would make perfect chefs. Say you found a random pig and you reeaaaaally needed some dinner to eat, with a Char pokemon you will have bacon, ham, and pork in seconds from its fire breathing abilities! An epic meal made by an epic pokemon will surely satisfy your hunger. Perhaps you have this toolbag messing with you, Char pokemon are the perfect enforcers! Teach that loser a lesson by going to his house and using flamethrower full blast on that noob's house. Film the whole incident and send it to Discovery Channel's show "Destroyed in seconds". It would be hilarious! No fool would come after you with your char pokemon there.

As you can see, this evolution chain is pretty badass. With so much power, speed, and the ability to do many everyday tasks (perfect for the lazy), a Charmander would make the perfect beginnner pokemon. If you don't like fire powas, then stay with your pathetic Caterpie. Jeez suit yourself. If you want a Charmander, ask your professor. He'll know what you're talking about (but he won't remember your name, or his grandson's for that matter).


Final Rating:

12 / 13 stupid charmeleon back sprites



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