Annie's Mailbox.

Telling man's wife about indiscretion would only stir up hornet's nest

October 22, 2003|By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.

Dear Annie: I recently attended a cocktail party without my husband. (He had a business meeting.) A friend of ours -- married, I might add -- could not keep his hands to himself. At one point during the evening, he started rubbing my back, even putting his hands underneath my shirt to do so. Although there were plenty of other people around, including his wife, no one seemed to notice. I got up and walked away from him.

This man's wife is a very good friend of mine, so I'm not sure how to handle the situation. So far, I have kept quiet, but I dread those occasions when I see this man, although he acts as if nothing ever happened.

Can you please help me decide what to do? I don't like secrets.

-- Chicago Fan

Dear Chicago: Is it possible this man was so inebriated that he has no recollection of what happened? Whatever the reason for his boorish behavior, telling the man's wife would certainly stir up a hornet's nest and end the friendship. Give him one more chance. If he attempts anything remotely like this again, tell him you will inform all interested parties. Then keep your word.

Dear Annie: Finding help and knowing what to do for a child who stutters can be frustrating and even heartbreaking for parents. They aren't sure where to turn, and many are repeatedly told "it's just a phase." But the millions who struggle daily with stuttering know that's not always true.

Early intervention is critical and successful in preventing stuttering from becoming a lifelong problem. Help and information are readily available through The Stuttering Foundation of America. For a free copy of our brochure, "If You Think Your Child is Stuttering," in English or Spanish, or for more information, please tell your readers to call us at 1-800-992-9392 (

Your column provides a wonderful public service to your readers.

-- Jane Fraser, President, The Stuttering Foundation

Dear Jane Fraser: Thank you for giving us the opportunity to tell our readers that today is International Stuttering Awareness Day. Sixty million people worldwide struggle with stuttering, and help is available. Anyone who needs assistance should contact your organization for more information.

Dear Annie: I never miss your column in the Hartford, Conn., Courant, and I hope you can help me. My daughter, "Abby," is 39 years old, married and the mother of a darling 5-year-old girl. They live 1,500 miles way. Until last year, we had been on very good terms. Suddenly, Abby stopped speaking to me, returning my calls, responding to my letters and e-mails, and never acknowledged a birthday gift that I sent. I received no birthday or Mother's Day card or call from her. My son-in-law invited me to visit them last January, but Abby canceled at the last minute.

Abby always was a difficult child and often blamed me for things over which I had no control. She once gave the silent treatment to her father for several years for no reason. Abby's grandmother died last year, and it upset her terribly. I believe this could be the reason her hostility has resurfaced. My other children are puzzled by her behavior. I, of course, am sad and angry, and I miss my granddaughter terribly.

Other than riding out the storm, do you have any advice for me?

-- Connecticut Mom

Dear Mom: Abby could probably use some professional therapy, but she isn't likely to admit it. Would your son-in-law or one of your other children be willing to mediate or at least clarify what's bothering her? It might help. Good luck.

