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Chris Kelly

Chris Kelly

Posted: February 27, 2008 12:52 PM

David Vitter is Thinking About Your Granddaughter's Vagina



(Jesus, on the other hand, said "take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself." Which is why you should never take investment advice from Jesus.)

It's been thirty years since congress barred the use of federal money for abortions, and 25 years since the last American Indian woman had access to an abortion through a doctor provided by Indian Health Services. So you might think: Problem solved. Let's move on. And get drugs out of baseball.

But you'd be wrong.

You couldn't get an abortion, and you can't get an abortion, but what about the knocked-up Choctaw of 2250? Who's going to make sure they do the right thing?

David Vitter will. He just did. Tuesday. With an amendment to the Indian Health Care Improvement Act. And it passed, 52-42.

It's a proud day. Because American Indians have been getting a free ride for too long. Or, you know, they might, in one of an infinite number of improbable but none-the-less possible futures. If we didn't do something now.

Think of it like entitlement reform. Crossed with a Christian bookstore time travel adventure, where Planned Parenthood takes over, and sends killer robots to change the past.

Here's Wendy Wright of Concerned Women for America, explaining why we needed a new law:

While this policy of not funding abortions through IHS has been in effect for 25 years, the Vitter amendment guarantees that future administrations don't circumvent Congress and change this policy.

"My amendment codifies a longstanding policy that prohibits the use of federal dollars for abortions," said Senator Vitter. To a call girl named Candie Boxxx.

I'm trying to think if anything's happened in Louisiana in the last couple of years that might be a bigger problem.

Of course it's all just pandering and magical thinking. David Vitter could attach an anti-abortion amendment to National Potato Day. What I admired about Tuesday was that he attached an anti-abortion amendment to funding a program that was already anti-abortion.

There's being a single-issue politician, and then there's simply being an ass.

Between this, the adultery, the prostitutes and the diapers, I've almost lost all my respect for the guy.