


Katie Turner



With hugging now in play, men must do rapid social calculations: body language, length and nature of the relationship, setting, alcohol effect and the other's intentions. Decisions must be made in split seconds.


Bill Clinton has perfected the hug that is not a hug: a handshake complemented by also holding the other's upper arm. Advantage—more intense than a handshake but short of an embrace, and it can be maintained indefinitely. It can also easily progress to a full hug as the conversation dictates.




As the question of whether or not to hug becomes more situational, the potential rises for awkward encounters. The biggest risk: going in for a hug only to realize too late that the other person had not planned the same. Expert consensus says that if you're going for the hug and it's too late to turn back, don't stop. Press on, but make it quick.

For nonhuggers, there are some defensive maneuvers. Deflect: Keep something (a desk, a table, a co-worker) between you and the serial hugger until the moment passes. Deny: "Sorry, I'm not much of a hugger." Resist: Take physical control with a stiff handshake and firm elbow that keeps personal space intact. Escape: Find something that requires your immediate attention. If nothing comes to mind, drop your cellphone. Lie: "I really don't want you to catch this cold I have." Or when diversion isn't feasible and escape is impossible, accept the hug with an icy response and hope that the hugger remembers.



There is always the question: Are we overthinking this? Maybe we've complicated a simple act to the point that risk has overtaken reward, and it's just not worth the effort. Some would say it's a lamentable loss of human connection. As someone who believes that we call it personal space for a reason, I'm OK with that.
