Relationship advice


As I was typing the previous post, a reader wrote in looking for advice. As I said, my “guidance” mode is nonexistent right now, so hopefully you all can help out.

How do you tell a guy who you know is into (you), but hasn’t asked you out that we are just friends…how do you casually bring up a boyfriend without being obvious or sounding arrogant like ” I know you like me but get over it because we will only ever be friends.”

There is a guy at work who is such an amazing guy–smart and funny–he will someday make a really great girl very happy but I think that he is going to ask me out and I want to stop that before it happens..what do I say?

Question: Are guys okay with just being friends?


Kristi Gustafson Barlette

7 Responses

  1. Bruce says:

    It depends on the guy if they can be friends.

    But, if this guy is as great as she says, but just not a great fit for her, then he’ll be OK. Because he’s a great guy.

    But I’m not sure why she’s trying to head off him asking her out. The idea of manipulating conversation so she can slip in a comment about a boyfriend strikes me as totally unnecessary. If he asks her out she then can politely tell the truth, “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend.” Good guys will not pursue an involved woman. They just won’t. They are not into that challenge. It doesn’t mean that he won’t pine over you but that’s his issue, not yours. Don’t make that your responsibility, because it’s not.

    So, relax. If he asks you out decline. Do not lie. Try not to manipulate the situation into being more difficult than it actually is.

  2. mogwai says:

    Casually mention your boyfriend in conversation. As in… “have you seen, Juno? I can’t believe it’s up for an Oscar… my boyfriend and I saw it at Spectrum and thought it wasn’t all that great.”

    This way he gets the message w/o dropping a random bomb.

  3. Michelle says:

    Speaking of relationship advise I posted a question for the guy Kimmel you were going to ask questions too but dont see any answers. Whats up?

  4. Kristi Gustafson says:

    Kristi responds:
    Michelle, good question. I will ask the College and get back to you.

  5. Marty says:

    Generally speaking guy/girl friendships can work with mature people. But from my experience usually one party is hoping for more, but is willing to settle.

  6. Mark says:

    This is a great question. I ran it past a few of my friends from my web site and we came up with a very ambiguous answer. Yes you can be friends with a guy as long as everyone is mature about it and there are no slip ups (i.e. drunken hook-ups, accidental kisses).

    But there must be a huge warning here. Be very careful how you act around him. Let him be a friend and that is it. No sappy movies together, no one on one time alone in a possible romantic setting, just make it fun and easy.

    Our advice is to be upfront with him and mention that you really value him as a friend. Tell him you are so lucky to have a guy friend to hang out with. Make sure you use the word “friend” more then a few times the next time you see him. Make it very obvious that you enjoy the friendship and then tell him that you want to hook him up with a friend of a friend.

    He should get the point.

  7. Daniel Amis says:

    I think Mark hit the nail on the head. You should always be in a social non-romantic setting. But above all be VERY honest with the guy and express to him how you feel about him.