Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

I like big putts and I cannot lie.


I wanted to tell Haley the dangers of starting a family too early but what could I say that couldn't have been said better by a screaming baby?


Maybe we can pump Marcus full of whatever we gave those bike riders.


It's like scrabble with Haley. After awhile you're just playing against yourself.


Mitchell: Suck it Nancy!
Pepper: I was just trying to help.

Son of a bitch you're an embarrassment! You're kicking up more sand than a sea turtle laying eggs.


Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No I just had a baby.
Alex: I watched you carry Manny to bed.

Classmate: Why is it taking you so long? How hard is it for you to paint a wall?
Luke: A lot harder than your so-called singing. At least this is supposed to be flat.

First rule of golf, shhh.

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