Five grand burning a hole in your common sense

Buy one of these automotive wallflowers because you love them, not because you're looking to turn them into a college fund

1973-75 Plymouth Scamp$4,000-$5,000
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Feature Article from Hemmings Classic Car

October, 2005 - Jeff Koch

Worthless. That's a harsh word.

How can we sit here and call these cars worthless? Isn't Hemmings Classic Car the magazine that gives credibility to the incredible, respect to the disreputable, hope to the fans of the hopeless?

Shouldn't we be looking at the glass half full and calling these "entry-level classics?" After all, for so many of us, there is surely value in the memories that these cars evoke, the way they pull at our heartstrings. One man's trash is another man's treasure, etc. Undervalued? Possibly. Sleepers? Comatose, more like it. Underappreciated? Almost certainly. Some of the cars here may well be your favorites.

Sorry. That doesn't mean they're worth a fat pile of cash.

That's not to say what we have listed are shoddily built cars. Well, not necessarily. Some of them surely are. Caveat emptor and all that. But for whatever reason, the cars listed here don't capture the public's imagination--shoot, most of 'em don't even really enter the cool-old-car picture, unless your grandma died and you inherited one.

So what are our criteria for "worthless" cars? Really, just two: first, that it's 30 years old or more and second, that a top-condition model is valued at under $5,000 according to a recent NADA Classic Car appraisal guide.

If something 30 years old still isn't worth $5,000 in top condition, chances are it's not going to catch fire anytime soon. Plus, knowing that the warm fuzzies of nostalgia swing in 20-year cycles, surely something 30 or more years old should be able to recoup its own selling price after that time?

Plenty of the models in our bargain-basement showroom are four-doors (the least-sexy bodystyle in America currently), but there are few station wagons listed here. A resurgence in interest in wagons has bumped up their values across the board, and often creates a 50 percent premium over a comparable four-door. Which doesn't really say much when the four-door is worth $3,500, but still.

Our money ceiling, which most of our examples comfortably languish beneath, should get you a factory-fresh, low-mileage, as-new version of the car we're talking about. It should need nothing--so parts availability, beyond oil filters and light bulbs, is immaterial. We've also tried to limit our picks to a single version of a given car--if, say, a 1970s Nova, Apollo and Ventura all fit the money criteria, and they all share a chassis and an assembly line, we've listed only the cheapest of these. If the money is roughly the same, we'll usually default to the brand less listed, so it doesn't look like we're dumping on one particular marque.

Can you find examples of these for less? You had bloody well better. Though we reprint them here, we feel that the value guide we pulled our values from tends to over-value the plebeian models we're searching out. (Is anyone really shelling out $4,000 for a 1975 Plymouth Scamp?) Can you find more desirable cars for under the limit? You bet. Last year, we were stunned to see a completely rotten 1965 Buick Riviera fetch $4,000 at an auction, when a factory-fresh 460-cu.in. V-8-powered 1972 Thunderbird couldn't get a second glance. We suggest attending some local auctions--bargains are inevitable.

Could you get your money back out of these tomorrow if you want? Unlikely, in most cases. You should buy one of these cars because you love it for reasons not easily articulated to others, not because they're investments. Don't let that stop you. Love knows no bounds. Besides, if you don't love them, chances are good that no one else will.


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