For $42 Million, The London Olympics Opening Ceremony Will Resemble The English CountrysideS

After the spectacle of the opening (and closing) ceremonies in Beijing four years ago, Oscar-winning director Danny Boyle is really feeling the pressure to deliver on something magical and memorable for London. He's only got 44 days to pull it all together, and today we got our first look at what he has in mind.

Spoiler alert: It doesn't look good.

According to the UK Guardian, Boyle's opening ceremony will feature "a village cricket team, 12 horses, 10 chickens, 70 sheep, a model of Glastonbury Tor, two mosh pits, and the largest harmonically tuned bell in the world." So, for $42 million, you're getting a real-life, actual, faux-English countryside replicated in front of 80,000 people. And I'm guessing some have theorized that Boyle may have some Bollywood-inspired musical numbers up his sleeve, like he did with Slumdog Millionaire, but fear not! That doesn't appear to be the case.

But the director underlined that it was not a musical show, but a narrative set to music. The electronic group Underworld have already recorded two lengthy tracks at Abbey Road to score the action. The closing ceremony will be a more traditional celebration of British music.

Boyle had already revealed that the three-hour opening ceremony would be titled Isles of Wonder, a title based on a speech by Caliban in Shakespeare's The Tempest that will be referenced throughout the four ceremonies of the Olympic and Paralympic Games.

Subliminal Shakespeare, traditional music tributes, English cricket, and one ginormous bell. This train wreck can't come fast enough.