Wall Street Celebrates Your Unemployment With Record Gains

The Way We Live Now: Basking in economic glory. Nobel Prize for economics? Check. Wall Street's highest point of the year? Check. The rest of our nation's crumbling economic infrastructure, from Wichita to Vegas? Check minus. That's still one check!

Two American economists who you've never heard of won the Nobel Prize for Economics for work that you will never read nor understand. All you need to know: They're motherfucking Americans. USA.

The Dow Jones hit its highest levels of the year today, thanks to corporate earnings improving after massive layoffs and budget cuts that have turned most of middle America into a vast economic wasteland of once-mighty engines of capitalism ground to horrific halt, from the empty airplane manufacturing factories of Wichita to the glass-sheathed carcass of Las Vegas' Fontainebleau, now nothing more than a $2 billion black hole for squatters and rats. Luckily state unemployment benefits for the long-term unemployed are about to run out for good, providing the same corporations that make up the S&P 500 an unprecedented pool of desperate workers ready to do any old job for any old salary.

Also the Village Halloween Parade is totally broke ass.

All of which bodes well for corporate America, and stocks. Go forth and celebrate, unemployed Americans. Wave your hobo flags. USA.
[Pic via]