The Top 10 Movie Heroes Who Did More Harm than Good

by nathanbloch   February 02, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 2,565


5. The T-800 in Terminator I, II and III


Source: TriStar Pictures

Human beings have invented a lot of worthless technology in our time on this planet, but no piece of technology has proved quite as useless as the T-800. Yes, he’s funny, he’s charming, he’s loyal, and he has a body that just won’t quit. But when it comes down to brass tacks, the T-800 does not accomplish anything it sets out to do.

By the end of the first Terminator movie, Sarah Connor gets away. After Terminator II, John Connor grows up to be a big putz, so that by Terminator III everything goes to s*** and the world is annihilated by nuclear war. So basically the T-800 is a retarded robot that has been programmed to repeatedly fail and become obsolete faster than an iPad. By the time we get to Terminator Salvation, the T-800 is really only useful as a model for the cover of Men’s Health magazine, seeing as it’s taken out of commission faster than you can say, “I'm a PC!”


4. Obi-Wan Kenobi in The Phantom Menace


Source: Lucasfilm

The truth of the matter is that Obi-Wan Kenobi is responsible for producing the second most evil dictator the universe has ever seen. Everyone told him, "This kid is bad news." Did that stop Obi-Wan? No. In a defiant act of hubris he went against Jedi protocol and brought up Anakin to be a high-strung little psycho who, like every other nerdy little turd with a lightsaber, became obsessed with Natalie Portman (and grew a rat-tail).

Also, Obi-Wanker raised an evil army of clones.

But Mr. Kenobi’s biggest blunder is that he refused to clean up his own mess. It’s not bad enough that Anakin proves to be the highest maintenance Jedi anyone’s ever met, or that he kills a litter of Jedi-pups, but he also takes up with the dark side. A lot of problems would’ve been solved (a lot of planets not blown up, a lot of fuzzy Ewoks not trampled upon) had Obi-Wan simply put this sniveling little bastard out of his dismembered misery and killed Anakin when it would’ve been the charitable thing to do. Instead, Obi-Wan shacks up in a cave and hides out in the desert for the next twenty years.


3. Ellen Ripley in Aliens


Source: 20th Century Fox

It’s really hard to hate on Ellen Ripley because her heart is always in the right place. The problem is that half the time she carries around an evil, parasitic, humanity-extinguishing, chest-bursting monster behind that heart.

It can’t be argued that when Ripley and her crew sets down on LV-426 she is the smartest, bravest, and toughest of all of them. But look at this from an objective outsider’s point of view. The crew of Nostromo encounters a “life form” that kills everyone…except Ripley. The Marines discover multiple life forms on LV-426, and everyone dies…except Ripley. At this point if you didn’t think something was up you’d have to be stupid.

And what about Newt? This little girl had figured out how to survive, but she dies a grisly death, along with Corporal Hicks, on the return trip thanks to Ripley’s “help.” Everyone seems to die, except Ripley, when they come in contact with these monsters. Oh, and let’s not forget that she nukes an entire colony that did not belong to her, despite the fact that there were several people still on the planet who might have been saved in a rescue mission. Hey Ripley, ever hear the credo, “Leave no man behind”? Guess not.


2. John McClane in Die Hard


Source: 20th Century Fox

Sure, John McClane is tough, clever, and handy with a roll of tape. But you have to wonder: what if he’d just let these morons rob the place? Chances are whatever they stole was insured anyway. Was it really necessary to kill all those Germans? Was it really necessary to destroy that building? Was it really necessary to force Sergeant Powell to incur more psychological trauma by forcing him to shoot down another man? The answer to all of these questions, of course, is a resounding “No.”

John McClane could have simply not called his fellow boys in blue and Hans Gruber and his thugs would have been out of there lickety-split. Things didn’t get sticky until the SWAT team made a mess of everything, and then the FBI made a bad thing worse. No one would have even missed a bathroom break had McClane found a stupid pair of shoes and a Sports Illustrated and rode out the storm on a leather couch.


1. Batman in The Dark Knight


Source: Warner Bros.

Bruce Wayne suffers from some pretty serious cognitive dissonance, and at some point it’s going to get the people of Gotham killed. Well, even more of them killed than were already getting killed. The guy refuses to shoot the Joker or even punch him very hard.

Here’s what “Batman” doesn’t refuse to do:

-- Fire ballistic missiles at parked cars to distract criminals and/or clear up traffic. Does he have a Bat-Sensor that tells him what the collateral damage of blowing up parked vehicles in a dense urban environment is, or whether there are any people in said vehicles (a tactic reminiscent of Al-Qaeda)?

--Open fire on glass obstructing his Bat Pod in highly populated, motor vehicle-restricted indoor areas.

--Tamper with and remove evidence from crime scenes before the police have been able to investigate.

--Convince local law enforcement to cover up several high-profile murders.

The list goes on, but I think I’ve made my case. At what point does having Batman around start to become more than just a hazard/nuisance? Once you allow one guy to drive a tank down main street and fire missiles at anything he deems an inconvenience, you open the door for everyone to do it. Bruce Wayne is just another example of an elite celebrity who is above the law. Is Batman really what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they made America? I don’t think so.


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