Monday, May 21, 2012

Pronto Cucinino

Look guys I don't know if you read my Cavatore's review or not but my friend Scott is obsessed with chicken parmigiana. I didn't mean to spell it in that pretentious way, that's just what spell check told me was correct. I know what you're thinking if he loves it so much why doesn't he marry it, unfortunately we live in Texas and people like Scott with their peculiar habits can never be happy here. Politics aside, Scott's been trying to take me to Pronto Cucinino since approximately the bread course at Cavatore's, but for some reason or another (my disgust at Scott gustatory orientation) we never got around to it. Until now!

So we went out because Scott's parents are in town and they wanted to take out Scott's new roommates, me and Melissa. That's right I've taken the plunge and I'm living with a man as an unmarried woman, please don't tell my father. Anyway, I don't know if any of you ladies out there live with men, but geez is it convenient! Me and Melissa definitely got the right end of the bargain on this one, having a man in the house. He takes out the trash! He stood next to me and offered me tips while I hung my own curtains! When I can't reach the zipper on my dress, he zips it for me. The other day Melvin got sick again, and I was too sad to flush him down the ambulance, so Scott, as the man of the house, did it for me! +91 Melissa and I had a lot of fun living together without Scott, but I can't help but think that our lives just got a lot better. A lot more convenient. A lot less trash filled. It's like I have two boyfriends, but one of them I live with and don't have to shower for and the other one I only see when it's convenient, but have to put on deodorant for. Thomas and Scott, please don't ask me to choose.

Here's the thing about Pronto Cucinino. So it's owned by the Mandola family. I don't know if any of you guys go to UH, but over on Cullen by that sketchy Kroger there's a place called Mandola's Deli that offers student discounts to students after three with a student ID. I've seen that place hundreds of times as I've driven to that Kroger for coffee filters and wine. Every time, I thought that Mandola was a city in Italy. Or one of those Italian city-states that I learned about in Machiavelli's The Prince. And now I find out that Mandola is just an Italian last name? -12 The worst part is, they aren't even the same Mandola's! Not only should I have failed ninth grade geography, apparently Mandola is about as common among Italian restaurant owners as Smith is among American Americans. Nobody likes realizing that they're a huge idiot, and I'm taking it out on Pronto Cucinino because they should have shielded me from this!

Here's the other disgusting thing about Pronto Cucinino. On every table, they have rooster shaped candle holders, but none of them actually have candles in them! So instead of being a highly functional, interesting to look at centerpiece, it's just weird. What's the point of having a candle-less candle holder?? Think of all the things we could have put in that two square inches of space. A bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine. One very large salt shaker. A thing of Kraft parmigiana cheese. (Spell check again guys it's not my fault) And then why roosters! This is an Italian restaurant, not BRC! (But seriously guys try to pronounce it like it's a word not letters doesn't it sound like a rooster? BRRRRC! BRRRC! Just try it I swear you'll like it) There are lots of more appropriate things than a rooster, such as veals, the Roman Catholic pope, and a thing of Kraft parmigiana cheese. -7 This is why I should be in charge of every restaurant in Houston I would save people from stuff like this.

Here's the absolute worst thing about Pronto Cucinino though. Do you know how hard it is to remember to say Cucinino?? Pronto Cucino is so easy, that's the easiest restaurant name in the world! But toss in that extra "in" and I'm so lost. I feel like I'm saying a regular word and then I get lost halfway through and I don't figure it out until it's too late and I've already embarrassed myself.  -23 I don't know who invented Italian but they were a real jerk.

That's everything I have to say on the subject, when you go to Pronto Cucinino make sure you eat the penne primavera it's delicious thank you for asking, and then email me at to tell me how pretty I am!

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