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My boyfriend only cares about himself. Where is his respect for me?

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Question - (14 May 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 14 May 2008)
A female Australia age 22-25, anonymous writes:

i know i am only young.. but i really would like an answer to this problem if anyone can.. ive been with my boyfriend a year and a half and one time when we had sex i didnt want to do anything because i wasnt in the mood and just wanted to spend time with him. for some reason he ended up having me do it, i dont know how but i didnt want to. no, it wasn't rape. but i didnt want to do it that time. and now, not long ago, we were doing it but lately i had been.. 'hurting'.. like i was stinging and it was painful. yet all he cared about was him only having the 1 condom and it being such a 'waste'. then he wanted me to do other stuff. but i was hurting. i saw no respect in this. what the hell.

View related questions: condom, in the mood

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008):

I know your only young honey, but it's not gonna stop me from telling you the truth of this situation. To this boy you are not a human being, you are a peice of meat. He's hungry so he eats, he wants sex so he forces you. It dosen't feel good, he dosen't care. Your in pain, so what.

To be crude, you are a hole to him and nothing more.

LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! Do not see him ever again, have nothing more to do with him. If he attempts to contact you again tell your parents. Trust me, they will be more angry with him, than you when you tell them what happened. Stop having sex, your not old enough to know when your being used and abused.

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A female reader, Tremor Australia +, writes (14 May 2008):

Tremor agony auntYou should never be coerced into doing things that you don't want to do. This goes for all things, not just sex.

Keep in mind that sex is not the only part of a relationship. It's a perk and a way to show love and affection to someone you love, not something your boyfriend should be able to demand wnever he feels like it.

From your description of it 'hurting', I'd say your problem is that you are not lubricated enough. Encourage your boyfriend to engage in more foreplay to get you and your body ready for sex - things like kissing, touching, and oral sex, rather than just diving straight into full sex. Alternatively, use an external lubricant. (Make sure it's water based, as oil based lubricants will damage the condom.

As for 'wasting the condom'... Come ON. It is not that hard to go and buy another box. Just because the condom is on does not mean you can't say no.

All of this indicates to me that he either does not have the respect for you that he should, or that he is simply unaware of how he is making you feel. Either way, I suggest you take it up with him. Tell him that you don't feel respected, tell him that if you don't feel like sex then he should leave it at that, and explain to him why you don't like how he has been acting.

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A male reader, princeofsorrow United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2008):

princeofsorrow agony auntFirst of all you need to think about your age. You're 15 and your boyfriend has basically forced you you into sex. If your boyfriend is the same age as you then I'm sorry but he probably only wanted sex with you so he could boast to his friends. It seems to me that he has little respect and just sees you as a means of 'raising' himself in his peer group. The fact that he wanted you to do 'other stuff' proves he just wants you for egotistic sex. You can do a lot better than him. I know your only young but believe me, this 'relationship' is not a good idea.

Good luck.

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