Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Song Is The Boy

Chuck and Blair -- he looking as fabulous as he's ever looked, she looking worse than she ever has -- are making out when they both start getting updates about the photograph, and they make a few gestures at turning off their phones while secretively reading their phones, and finally Blair figures out that they're double-crossing each other, and is so piqued that she runs off with his shoes. Meanwhile, Dan and Georgie have gone all the way to DUMBO for some reason so they can look up Scott on the internet. They are helped in this pursuit inordinately by Dan's bizarre recall -- Scott was MVP on his high school soccer team, the Lions -- which is so ridiculous that Dan has to go, "Wow, I don't know how I remember that." (You know what's better than spackling on some self-aware wink-wink? Constructing your story strongly enough that you don't have to do so.) "At least he was honest about sports. Typical." (What?) Georgie finds out that he's actually named Rosson, which causes Dan to wig.

Scott comes back to Vanessa's dorm room for the thirtieth time today, and says that he almost went back to Boston, but then didn't, because he loves her or some shit, so he called his parents and they had a big fight, but now he needs Vanessa to go with him to talk to Rufus. Which they will be doing, of course, at Sotheby's, because Vanessa cannot be within a hundred-mile radius of a society function, where the rest of cast actually belongs, without getting her muddy Uggs all over everything.

Dan shows Georgina the letter Scott Rosson sent him last year after the whole New Yorker thing, when Dan magnanimously called a much older boy in order to patronize him, only to be cut off by the adoptive parents. He calls Vanessa and leaves an unnecessarily cryptic voicemail that tells her nothing she didn't already know: "Hey, Vanessa. Uh, it's... it's... it's me. Look, Scott is not who he says." Also, he could be dangerous. Because thanks to Vanessa's bullshit, now Dan and Georgina think that Scott is a stalker. Which is pretty much exactly what she, for whatever reason, intended Dan to think. Dan invites Georgina to the auction -- oh, Rufus is going to be there representing Lily's interests in some way, which is why Serena and the Humphries are going -- and then she acts super-spooky with her laptop for awhile. GG: "Turns out photographs won't be the only thing up for grabs tonight. A priceless secret is on the auction block, and bidding begins now!"

Everybody arrives at Sotheby's while the Lissy Trullie cover of "Ready For The Floor" plays. I haven't heard this version. Operative lyrics, as Nate and Bree -- needless to say, looking like hell -- showily kiss for the paparazzi and the rest of the characters arrive and have their pictures taken:

I am ready, I am ready for a fall

I can't hear your voice, do I have a choice?
You're sinking below, I'm using my force

You're my number one guy


Gossip Girl




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