Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Flirting: The duck analogy

I should start by disclaiming that this is not my original analogy, just an awesome one that I am stealing a friend of a friend and choosing to relate to and illustrate for all of you. Feel free to pass any thank you's along, I'll be sure they make it into the right hands.

I was speaking to this friend a week or so ago, and we were discussing my blog (because you dear people reading and enjoying my blog has really become the highlight of my life lately, no joke) and she was commenting that there is no way that I am as awkward as I make myself sound in my posts.

I told her that I'm sure that I actually seem cool and collected when I'm attempting to get my flirt on, but what I blog about is the frenzy that happens inside my own mind, and the way that I perceive my own actions. She laughed, agreed, and then shared something a friend had told her recently.

(I may actually be misquoting this because it's like a game of telephone that's gone through about three passes now.)

He told her:

"You are like a duck. On the surface you look totally calm and together..."

  (side note: I would like to point out that it only took two tries to draw this duck, I feel like a stinking superhero right now)

"...but under the water you're like this: *make frantic paddling movement with hands" 

Ladies and gentlemen, raise your hand if you can relate. Or maybe quack, yes, you should quack if you can relate.

Like you other quack-ers, there is a gigantic disconnect between my perceived reality, and the reality that others actually experience. Somewhere between the heart palpitations and the dramatically increased cognitive activity, my brain registers that I look/sound like a crazy person.

In mid conversation with a fine young gentleman, I believe myself to appear something like this:

Whereas, upon later feedback from trusted friends, I conclude that I must have indeed looked more like this:
Maybe I didn't look quite that cool, but you catch my drift here. Sometimes I wish that someone would video me trying to be flirtatious so that I can re-adjust my perceptions. Although, part of me is a little nervous to actually file that request because- one, the guy I'm flirting with might think it's odd that I have a camera crew with me. But mostly, two, that my perception is not as far off from reality as those friends who love me have led me to believe. If that's the case... I retract my request for recording, it's probably better that I don't know. Your lies and encouragement have been greatly appreciated and have preserved my sanity.

Your gratefully naive friend


  1. Shelly,

    You are one strange girl...


    1. Ha! I'm pretty sure that's not the first time you've told me that.

      P.S. You still owe me a trip out here!

  2. This is a good article! Yes, I said article. It is concise, well-thought out, and flows with a coherent thesis, thereby making it more than a blog post, and more of a social commentary. Your research, while made up, is interesting and informative, which leads the reader to do what any good article does; think about your conclusion. After spending several seconds doing just that (an eternity in the world of blogging) I have come to the realization that you will not be able to stick to a regimen of short guy dating. The reasons I disagree with are as follows: The safe, secure feeling you get when you hug, or are held by a taller man, is the same feeling that men who are smaller than you will get when hugging you. Therefore you will be dating guys who like that feeling, and can only fall into the systematically creepy category of suffering from an Oedipus complex. No woman in her right mind can continue dating someone who she knows is in love with his mother.... and is looking to date her. Secondly, the decision to date short men is borne of frustration and not desire. You are not attracted to them, you are settling on them. That will forever weigh on the scales of long-term likeablitly in a negative fashion. The attitude in dating should be to attain your ultimate desire, not to get what you can get. Lastly, being in a relationship that garners social attention is something that requires confidence. You have it right, people are going to look at you and wonder.... all the time. The only way to deal with that is to exude a confidence bordering on arrogance. It can never bother you that the thing you have chosen (by your article) to define yourself as, Tall, will be the thing that defines your relationship. Most people don't want the thing that announces their coupledom to the world to be a difference, they want it to be some kind of weird romantic thing, like love. Anyway, I hope that you prove me wrong and find a way to make very genetically average offspring. Again, good job on making me think.

    1. Whoops! Thank you for your well thought out feedback, I think this got accidentally posted to the wrong blog post. Do you want me to copy and paste it to the one about dating shorter guys?

      I'm glad that it made you think, and I think we shall definitely see how successful this venture turns out...

  3. do you think maybe your life is just awkward due to all the awkward people by which you are surrounded?

    1. Ha! This thought crosses my mind continually. I actually talk about it a little bit in my awkward hugs post: http://www.slightlyawkwardshelly.com/2011/07/awkward-hugs.html. I guess it's a good thing that I enjoy the great blog material that comes from being surrounded by awkwardness!