Dear Savvy Auntie,

I have 3 nieces ages 5, 3 and 5 months old. My brother is a good dad, my sis in law I thought was an ok mom.

Lately I've been noticing that she is kind of neglecting my nieces. My brother works, she stays at home...doing nothing all day living off the system. She smokes marijuana a few times a day, often with other guy friends. She "gets it ready" while not shielding my nieces from it. Then she goes out to the back porch & smokes it. You can still smell it in the house. She smokes cigarettes in the near room, while the baby is in the other room, and the older two go in and out. I've told her about the second hand smoke and what it does to them. And she still does it with no regard to what I've said.

The girls clothes are dirty for 2-3 days at a time, hair a mess. Twice I've gone there and she has told me not to put the baby in the crib because the diaper went through to the crib. There's so much more to say but this is long enough. Point is, I fear that my nieces aren't getting the attention they need or deserve, the house is unsanitary and disgusting. And my oldest niece has to find her clothes to put on because the mom is too lazy to get it for her. I don't know what to do anymore about it, please help me.

Concerned SIL

Dear Concerned SIL,

Oh, my heart goes out to you; it is so painful to witness neglect and mistreatment of young children you love. Here are some suggestions:

1 - Speak with your SIL compassionately, as she is obviously self-medicating to handle a situation(s) she hasn’t been able to address head on.

2 - Offer to help her…find the proper treatment and take care of your nieces in any way you can. This may mean doing laundry, cooking and babysitting.

3 - Speak to your brother caringly; offer to be part of the solution.

4- Contact your local visiting nurse association or home care organization and see if you can have someone come to the house at least a few times a week to care for the children.

5- Are there a few friends and family who would be willing to stage an intervention for your SIL? Sometimes a caring community can be a wake-up call and effect a change.

6- If all else fails, The Bureau of Child Services can be called. However, this is a drastic step as they may well take the children and place them in foster care, at least temporarily.

And most importantly, don't underestimate the impact and importance of a loving Auntie on three little girls.

My thoughts are with you,
Natalie Robinson Garfield


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