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OW strange behavior

(47 Posts)
Firestarter19 Fri 11-Jan-19 00:58:05

Name changed for this.

My DH had what I would call an emotional affair. They became friends online, social media and then started texting. We live a long way from her, they couldn't have met up. She has a husband but DH would tell me they were not in love anymore. Lots of mentionitis from DH, "OW this, OW that". When I became suspicious I checked the messages and they were texting lots. Sometimes she was making snide comments about me but in a subtle way that would go over most bloke's heads. Keeping him onside, shoulder to cry on and he was badmouthing me a bit and telling her private things about me/us. I was so angry. It's like she was using him as an emotional crutch and DH was enjoying the attention.

When I found out what was going on and challenged DH he wasn't pleased and there was minimization/gaslighting but I told him it was an emotional affair and eventually, after some protestations from both he and OW about how they were friends/it was all innocent, contact was cut. Basically I told him cut her out or we're finished. And he did. First with the texting and then social media. He deleted her from Instagram about a year ago. She still follows him on it but never comments or likes his pics now. We have been working on our relationship and things are much better.

But the weird thing is shortly after he deleted her the OW suddenly started posting regular photos of her 'D'H on Instagram. She's been on that site for about 5 years and not once before this had she posted his photo. I know it's her husband and not someone new because she has posted his pic on FB before and tagged him in it. Her husband isn't on Instagram. You would have thought she was single looking at her Instagram pics before this. Previously she'd have lots of pics of herself posing (I reckon most of them were taken by the husband) but not a mention of him. It was all "I went here" along with a pic of her posing and grinning away wherever she was or "Here's my dinner" along with a pic of a single plate of food on her table. "Today I did X, it was fun!" and pic of her doing whatever. Now though there's all these photos of her DH and of the two of them together out and about, "Here's DH and me on our anniversary!", photos of them at Christmas, here's what we ate on X occasion, lots of usage of 'we' now in her captions rather than 'I' and so on. My thinking is that she's always taken photos of him/them together anyway, she's just not posted them on Instagram. I think it's very strange. What's her game I wonder. I don't for a second think she's doing this because she's all loved up with the husband now, it seems a calculated move. Also my DH used to tell me that she'd text him saying she was going out on dates with other men. Not sure if this really happened or she was trying to make him jealous. I'm just wondering why she's doing suddenly posting these photos...

I haven't said anything about this to my DH. He hadn't mentioned her since before the defriending last year, prior to that he'd said she'd emailed him once to ask how he was doing but he said that's when he last spoke to her. But when we were on holiday recently we got talking to a man who looked very like her DH (he's quite distinctive looking) and the next morning I mentioned this man to my DH, said he was a nice chatty guy etc and he responded with "He looks like OW's DH!" I didn't let on that I thought so too, I don't think my DH knows I've seen photos of her husband before. I just said "Oh really?" and he said "Yes. Oh and I haven't been speaking to her since that last time". And I said ok then and changed the subject.

And she keeps posting photos. I just find it, strange that she's posting all these photos now when she didn't post a single one before.

SandyY2K Fri 11-Jan-19 01:12:14

Why don't you both block her. If she's blocked she can't follow him can she?

You're giving her way too much headspace.... she sounds like an attention seeker.

Baby1onboard11 Fri 11-Jan-19 01:13:26

Why are you still following this woman? Why do you care about her instagram
Posts? Perhaps she’s finally found some morals and IS focusing on her marriage. Either way, what’s happened as happened and you chose to forgive your DH and work through things. By constantly thinking about this woman you are giving her much more headspace than she deserves. She’s not acting strange. She’s getting on with her life, it’s time you did too. You need to move on from what happened

Redglitter Fri 11-Jan-19 01:44:35

Why do you care? And why are you on her social media. Maybe like you shes working on her marriage. Maybe shes just decided to change how she uses Instagram. I think your behaviour sounds stranger than hers

Sondela Fri 11-Jan-19 02:00:02

Your husband needs to block her on everything so she has no way to contact him. You need to stop looking at her social media.

Boysandbuses Fri 11-Jan-19 07:03:17

It's not the OW that's acting strange. It's you.

Looking at her photos and analysing why she is doing something.

You clearly don't trust your husband. Which is understandable, but either you need to move forward or split.

It doesn't matter why she is doing anything.

Oh also stop treating your husband like he is a bit dim. Comments that go over mens heads? Really? My Dp could spot someone having a dig at me a mile off. Your dh knew what she was doing and carried on. Being a man and so not noticing, isn't an excuse.

Oldraver Fri 11-Jan-19 14:05:07

She knows your watching

Howdoyoudoit31 Fri 11-Jan-19 14:11:22

I think it’s stranger that your still checking her Instagramhmm

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 11-Jan-19 14:13:24

Step away from the computer.

Seriously, it sounds like you're obsessed with her.

Block her on all social media and move on with your life.

Adora10 Fri 11-Jan-19 14:15:26

Isn't your husband a prize, gets rid when caught, has to be told he's having an affair because the poor soul didn't realise, honestly the lines some women swallow; you are concentrated on her far too much, I'd be keeping an eye on your wayward husband and leaving this woman alone, you sound obsessed with her every move.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress Fri 11-Jan-19 14:17:19

Why are you stalking this woman?

GummyGoddess Fri 11-Jan-19 14:18:54

How does he know what her husband looks like if he has cut her out of his life and she's only just started posting the photos?

GhostSauce Fri 11-Jan-19 14:21:17

Stop looking at her instagram.

AbbieDabbieDoo Fri 11-Jan-19 14:21:41

It's her account and she can post anything she likes. If she was going on dates and having contact with other men previously, she wouldn't have wanted his face all over it. However it's perfectly likely that they're working on their relationship, she's happier being with him now and no longer feels the need to make it look like she's single. Also, if her DH isn't on Instagram he may not want pictures of himself on it - my DP isn't on Instagram so I don't tend to put pics of him up, but that doesn't mean I'd be playing any kind of game if I did.

I think you should block her, as your fixation on her seems very unhealthy and quite obsessive. If you're now in a good place in your relationship you shouldn't care what she's doing or why.

Mossend Fri 11-Jan-19 14:23:15

Why on earth are you checking her instagram?
You face your husband an ultimatum that he seems to be sticking to, no good can come of you snooping

Lioness5 Fri 11-Jan-19 14:23:42

She is probably trying to make your DH jealous. Just block and ignore her

Mossend Fri 11-Jan-19 14:23:55


limpbizkit Fri 11-Jan-19 14:24:36

Wow.. shock I'm afraid it's definitely not her acting strange it's you. You've become obsessed with her. As others have said she's getting way too much headspace. It's a bit stalkery. I don't think it sounds like your husband has had an affair. The term 'emotional affair' is a bit of a new 'vogue' phenomenon. I definitely would be royally peed off if my husband was using another woman as a confidante and vice versa and its not great behaviour in a marriage. But he did do as you say and cut her off and you're not doubting that so leave it be. If not you'll drove yourself crazy. Go out Roth your own husband and do lots of picture worthy stuff together maybe? I do sympathise because the temptation must be there to have a nosey but you've taken it to a new level and you need to get a grip on it now (in the nicest possible way)

ErickBroch Fri 11-Jan-19 14:29:23

YOU are the one acting strange, not her. Block her to resist stalking her social media and move on.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 11-Jan-19 14:30:53

How does your DH know what her DH looks like if he's not looking at the same pictures that you are???
Time to move on now - block her on everything and hope that your DH isn't still in contact.

croprotationinthe13thcentury Fri 11-Jan-19 14:37:37

Block and keep blocking.
I would bet all the money in the world they were shagging btw, but people believe what they want to believe I guess.

SuperSuperSuper Fri 11-Jan-19 14:52:07

You both need to block her and move on. He will happily do that if he's keen to make amends.

pissedonatrain Fri 11-Jan-19 15:00:14

Who cares what she posts?

You and your DH both need to block her.

Bumblebee777 Fri 11-Jan-19 15:01:43

I don't think it's that strange that op is checking up on this woman. I think we've all probably checked out a partners ex on social media or whatever, it's normal to be a bit curious. Especially if you feel threatened by the person. But I wouldn't read too much into it or let it bother you too much. She could be doing it for your benefit or she might genuinely be working on her marriage and trying to be more positive about her oh.

You will never know for sure so block her and put her out of your mind. Stop trying to figure out her motives and letting her take up your headspace x

Boysandbuses Fri 11-Jan-19 15:06:48

You don't find it strange....a year later......when he marriage is in such a great place?

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