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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Thu Oct 19, 2017 11:59 am

^ Thanks guys!!!! Nice to see the Mine Blower love. And yeah, that was a crazy day and I wouldn't have planned it that way but it's awesome that it worked out. :lol:

Alright everyone. It's time to take this thread to the next level! I've spent a lot of time talking about Disney World, Cedar Point, Universal Studios and cute little second-tier parks like that but it's sort of nuts that 37 trip reports in I still haven't made a single mention of the single greatest amusement park to ever grace planet earth.

Let me tell you a tale of a land of unending happiness. A land where all the things wrong with the industry magically disappear and what's left is a brilliant landscape of pure, uninterrupted perfection. Cleanse your coaster fan minds of your coaster fan worries. In this place, all the terrible, scary things you spend so much time b*tching about are merely a fantasy... metal detectors, parking fees, bad food, slow operations, no loose article policies, any concern about potential litigation whatsoever, log flume removals, long lines, people that tell you... "NO. IT'S NOT SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO EAT BACON ON A STICK FOR DINNER, THROW MEAT IN A DORITOS BAG AND CALL IT A TACO OR EAT A BLOCK OF ICE CREAM ON A WAFFLE AND CALL IT A MEAL YOU FAT F*CK""... all of those things just wash away. They don't exist here.

This is a world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun, day or night. So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills... you know the one. If the elevator tries to bring you down, just say "what is this p*ssy a** sh*t, StratosFEAR was much better. F*ck your elevator".

Wait, what was I talking about? I got off track there. Oh right...


That's right... I'm talking of course about my absolute favorite park anywhere, Knoebels!

It should probably say something about my love for Knoebels that I break my own rule and attend an enthusiast event there every year but Phoenix Phall Phunfest is amazing. There are a few things I love about Phoenix Phall Phunfest when compared to other enthusiast events which is why I'm taking the unprecedented step of actually recommending an enthusiast event. Here goes...

1) It's at Knoebels

2) The Covered Bridge Festival is the major draw of the weekend, and for good reason. Because of the festival, it's impossible to find a hotel anywhere within 45 minutes of the park, the parking lots routinely hit capacity and the place is mobbed every year (but that doesn't carry over to the rides).

3) It's not really an enthusiast event. They have an enthusiast event on Friday nights and there's a tent in front of Phoenix where people trade pins and patches and presumably get together at designated times to have a group cry about Raging Bull's trim brakes, Valravn's rattle and Mine Blower's excruciating roughness (Honestly I don't know what goes on in there because you couldn't pay me to go into that tent), but aside from that it's not really an enthusiast event on Saturday. Literally anyone can buy a handstamp for Phunfest on Saturday regardless of affiliation with a coaster club. "The GP" is well represented, and personally I'd rather hang with them so that's cool with me. Of course it was also awesome to run into some familiar faces like coneyislandchris and ElToroRyan. Despite my persona I actually really like hanging with enthusiasts who aren't weird as sh*t. Just avoid the tent and you'll be good. :lol:

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Knowing that the event seems to get busier every year we decided to get up early(ish) and leave the house right at 8:00 so we'd give ourselves about 45 minutes to get into the park and still get there in time for opening. That's not normally necessary at Knoebels, but people drive hundreds of miles for the Covered Bridge Festival so we knew from experience that it might be a sh*tshow.

If you're coming from the east, the drive to Knoebels is incredible. Pennsylvania in general is an absolutely beautiful state, but driving through in the fall is absolutely amazing. Somehow, the drive actually helps set the tone for the backwoods a** fall awesomeness of Phoenix Phall Phunfest. It also convinces you that the GPS is entirely full of sh*t and that someone's playing a joke on you but rest assured... no, someone seriously put an amusement park here.

No, it's not a sh*tty Instagram filter, it was just taken through the windshield.

It's rare that you'll ever actually get anything of substance from one of my reports that are generally just a bunch of mindless horsesh*t, but if you're coming from the east via I-80 west (and most people will be) I actually have a tip. Generally the GPS will tell you you to exit I-80 at exit 242, take 339 through some Children of the Corn sh*t, make a right on Mainville Rd. at Billy Bob's collapsed barn, abandoned schoolbus and sheep f*cking wonderland and then make a left onto Sycamore Drive.

The GPS will tell you to drive along Catawissa Creek into downtown Catawissa (which is the perfect name for this town... do you ever see someone with a name like "Chad" and think "Yeah, he looks like a Chad". When you see this town, you'll think "Yeah, this looks like a Catawissa" and that river through the sticks looks like a "Catawissa Creek").

Anyway... don't do this. There's a left turn off of Sycamore Drive onto Old Reading Rd. You'll miss some lights, but more importantly you get to drive over an awesome one lane covered bridge. Nothing could set the mood for a Knoebels Fall weekend and Covered Bridge festival better than a covered bridge and the fact that it actually saves you time is just a bonus.

I love Pennsylvania. I hate the road construction and horsesh*t liquor laws but I love Pennsylvania.

As we continued on a bit we quickly realized that the Covered Bridge Festival was somehow even more batsh*t insane than ever before. Traffic on 487 was backed up past the High School and when it was all said and done it took us over an hour to park the car. As it turned out, we were one of the last cars in the lot. It wasn't long before they started shuttling people in from a local school, then a local gun club (is that not the most Knoebels thing ever?) and finally told people on Facebook to please give up and stop coming. I recommend this event, but from now on we're getting a hotel about an hour away on Friday night. Holy sh*t. :lol:

Finally though, we parked the car and started making our way in to the park. The park offers free trams in their free parking lot because they're Knoebels and that's how Knoebels rolls, but we opted to walk. The Covered Bridge festival was tempting, but we decided to save it for the next morning and instead made our way to the handstamp booth. The park was open at that point, but it still wasn't even noon. Given the traffic, I'll take it.

Okay, so we didn't head RIGHT to the handstamp booth. The Loaf was calling our name, and those Snickerdoodle and sugar cookies are my sh*t.

On the way to the handstamp booth we couldn't help but notice that (for some reason) Impulse had no line, That rarely happens so we decided to double back and make that our first stop. The handstamp wait was minimal, and a few minutes later we were stamped and ready and on our way back to the front. On the way, Brit noticed Power Surge (a ride she's been terrified of in the past) and expressed some interest in it. It had been a long time since she rode it or actually saw it operating so she sort of forgot about that traumatic experience. I love Power Surge, and since the ride was down and loading I decided to make that our first stop before she saw it cycle and changed her mind. I'm a terrible fiancé, seriously... the worst. :lol:

I love this ride!

Once the restraints lowered and locked (and not a second before), I reminded her that she hated this ride but was optimistic that she might change her mind. She's been more open to inverting flat rides lately and personally I found the ride awesome. As it turned out, she actually did kind of like it. She got off hyped up about it but when I asked if she wanted to ride again she seemed much less enthusiastic. :lol:

Up next for us was Impulse, and luckily it was still sporting a really short line. You never see that on Impulse, and it was pretty shocking considering it was up near the Covered Bridge Festival tents and the parking lot was filled to capacity but I wasn't complaining.

You don't see that every day...

Impulse sticks out like a sore thumb at this park with it's ultra modern station and ride area, over the top clean and perfect Cedar Fair style landscaping under the ride and it's bright color scheme but I really don't mind one bit. It's weird, but it's a fun little coaster. By default it's the weakest of the park's 4 major coasters but it's still an absolute blast.

The lift certainty looks imposing.

I'll say this, it's definitely a ride I enjoy more and more every time I ride it. The fact that the ride doesn't have over the shoulder restraints is really cool, and it makes for some great hands up moments where you wouldn't normally get them like the loop and the spec-f*cking-tacular roll which I consider to be the best part of the ride. Try to put your hands up on that slow roll and not have fun... try. I dare you. :lol:

Flying over the station.

Upon exiting the ride, we decided to loop right back around and ride again. While the other coasters were beckoning, I wasn't going to pass up the rare opportunity to ride Impulse with a 5 minute wait. I've been to the park enough times to know that that pretty much never happens on a weekend with great weather. The second ride was as great as the first (and we were lucky enough to get the front again) and after exiting we decided to head back into the park a little more and hit some more rides.

Up next was Whipper, the park's classic Whip. This ride is always a blast, but it was made even better by the awesome ride operator. He was an older guy and he clearly loved his job. For the first half of the ride, he proceeded to bang on a bell and instruct everyone to yell and scream "woooo" whenever he hit it (and we were more than happy to oblige), for the second half he started reaching out and high-fiving everyone in the cars as they whipped by (with a few fake outs mixed in for good measure). When the ride finally came to a stop, he stood there and high fived everyone on the way out. God, this place is a breath of fresh air. When you go to enough corporate parks where ride operators need to ask for permission to cross the platform on an inverted coaster where guests can cross as much as they please and there's a f*cking floor there, it's nice to see a park where the ride operators can high five people on rides that are moving at full speed where they don't give a single sh*t about modern day bullsh*t procedures that make no sense and exist only to prevent lawsuits.

Now watch me whip... Now watch me nae nae

After the best Whip ride possibly ever, we decided to head over to the Bumper cars. Hopefully there aren't any photos of the ride that can be used against me in the court of law because I'm pretty sure a lot of that is technically considered domestic violence, but at the very end Brit paid me back and wrecked the living sh*t out of me to the point where I left the ride bleeding (that's actually normal for tall people on these things... your knees are done. Accept your fate now). I don't mean that as complaint, I think the fact you can actually sustain minor injuries on these Bumper cars is part of what makes them so awesome. The ride was absolutely amazing and Kozmo should be proud of his oversized trophy. :lol:

Yay Kozmo!

PS: No I'm not making light of actual domestic violence which is obviously reprehensible. If you're the type of PC person that's considering lecturing me about that as if we don't already understand this then this isn't the thread for you. Also, Knoebels isn't the park for you. Knoebels is for fun people. I suggest staying home on Phunfest Saturday and spending Sunday at Dorney's lame a** event. You seem like the kind of person that would like Dorney. Steel Force is an intense, action packed airtime machine. Best coaster in Pennsylvania. So good...

These Bumper Cars are exceptional. They're honestly so good that I never ride any other bumper cars since they've all been completely ruined for me by the greatness of the Knoebels Scooters. I swear, I'm not even joking.

We both took a beating on the Bumper Cars, but we're a pair-a-troopers so we decided to press on to the next ride. Yes, we went from a joke that needed a disclaimer to a milktoast joke so cringeworthy that it gave you douche chills. That's the type of thing you can only get in this thread.

The Paratrooper was great as always. It's no secret that I have serious soft spot for these things. I grew up riding the one in Rehoboth Beach (starting when I was just a few months old) and every time I see one I make sure to ride it. I love these rides... it's probably more of a nostalgia thing than anything but I really do and we'd end up riding this thing a ton by the end of the weekend.

After our paratrooping, we moved on to another Knoebels classic, the Flyers! Unfortunately the operator here had no sense of fun and was slowing the ride down when people started snapping, but that really wasn't much of a deterrent for anyone. We actually didn't ride these nearly as much as we usually do (when it's not Phunfest) since they always seem to be on high alert for people snapping. This is sort of a bummer, and probably my only complaint about the park (aside from the lack of booze) but even a slowed down Knoebels flyer ride is better than a full speed Larson flyer ride.

It's almost impossible not to snap these things

She looks sweet and innocent, but she'll snap the sh*t out of a flyer. lol

While Twister was trying to tempt us as it's located basically right across from the Flyers, it was mid afternoon and we still hadn't made our way back to the park's crown jewel and the namesake of the event and we decided to stop depriving ourselves and Phuckin Phly. Somehow it had been a full year since we found ourselves at Knoebels so it had been far too long since we've ridden the Phoenix and I was definitely itching to correct that injustice immediately.

According to the Golden Ticket awards this is the 3rd best Halloween event in America. Don't you ever forget that. This is incredibly cute and fun but... lol drugs are bad

I know some people swear by specific seats on this thing, but I never really had a strong preference between the front and back so for our first ride we made our way to the shortest line for the front row of the last car. Normally this is a big no-no on 3 bench PTC trains and on basically any other coaster it would be the roughest and worst seat on the train but conventional norms don't matter at all when you're talking about Phoenix and the ride proceeded to provide us with an airtime filled, super smooth and generally awesome ride per usual. God I love this thing!

Nothing to see here! Move along...

After Phoenix we doubled back a bit and decided it was time to get twisted (but not really, because... wtf is with this alcohol policy?). We stopped on the way to check out the Monkey Maze that was brought in for Hallo-Fun (I wanted to do it but Brit though that was far too asinine) and after stopping for a quick StratosFEAR ride we made our way back to the brilliant piece of twistiness across the road.

Ooh, Twisty!

I've always loved Twister. I'm generally sh*t at ranking coasters, but on a recent road trip (you talk about stupid sh*t on a road trip once you get about 5 hours in) we started talking about our favorite wood coasters and I honestly feel like I'd put Twister in the top 5. Obviously El Toro, the RMC woodies and Phoenix would be at the top of the list, but after that I'm hard pressed to think of a wood coaster that I like better than Twister. In the past I'd have said Boulder Dash, but after our horrible rides on it with Boldikus this year I don't know if I'd say that now, the Beast is cool at night but otherwise Twister utterly destroys it, I love GCIs but they all sort of blend together. They're all great, but I don't think any of them are Twister great. Raven and Legend suck, Voyage is awesome but... yeah I think I prefer Twister. Honestly I think Twister is easily one of the best wood coasters in America and it's always COMPLETELY overlooked because of it's awesome neighbor in the back of the park.

... wow, that was dorkier than I normally get. My apologies. I won't let it happen again. :lol:

I see a lot of complaints about roughness on this ride, but I've never once experienced it. The ride is aggressive, but it's not uncomfortable. Normally any wood coaster running PTC trains that attempts the type of insane, high speed lateral craziness that Twister does would rip itself apart and run like a jackhammer on square wheels but since this ride is at Knoebels they've managed to keep it running perfectly since the day it opened. It walks the fine line between intensity and roughness perfectly and never crosses it. I've always felt this was the case with Twister. It's a crazy a** ride.

The helix around the station is insane.

I have to say though, on this particular ride we hopped in the back row and for once I might have to agree with you guys. While I still love the ride, it's definitely getting rough.

:lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: I'm f*cking with you. This is Knoebels, the land of endless sunshine, rainbows, pierogies and awesomeness. Roughness and painful rides do not exist in this magical land (okay fine, maybe one). There is a legend that states that back in the ancient times of 2004, a plague of roughness, headbanging and sh*ttiness befell this magical place but Dick Knoebel bravely fought it off and banished this evil demon to Costa Rica where it could never hurt the people of Elysburg again.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Anyway... Twister was perfection, as always.

After our amazing Twister ride we were working up quite the appetite and I had been deprived long enough, so we marched ourselves to the front of the park to the magical pierogie counter. By the way, if you were expecting constructive criticism or objectivity in this report, you should stop reading now. Check out this report if you want to see some b*tching. :lol:

It's pierogie-o-clock

After enjoying our magnificent pierogies we decided to hit up the chairlift and digest a little. For those unfamiliar, this slow moving, relaxing chairlift is a highly dangerous thrill ride that children can easily fall out of and die. It's also impossible to evacuate in an emergency and it's a horrifying lawsuit waiting to happen (if you listen to coaster enthusiasts trying to justify Lake Compounce caving to stupid people).

Hi Lake Compounce, how's life?

If you posses enough common sense to ride this white knuckle thrill ride without hurling yourself to your death you get some great views of the park and of the fantastic fall foliage. Given some unseasonably warm weather, the leaves weren't as far along as they normally are for Phunfest but it was a still a very pretty ride. This year if you wanted to see perfect fall foliage the first week of October you would have probably needed to head up north a little to some place like Bristol, CT where you could... oh.

Thank you Knoebels for not letting stupid people ruin everyone else's fun!

Once we defied the odds and safely exited the chairlift we realized that all of that eating had made us pretty hungry so we decided to indulge in an ice cream waffle and then get in line for Flying Turns.

Oh my god I love this park

Flying Turns was sporting a 45 minute wait per usual, but we wanted to get it in on the first day given the threat of rain on Sunday. Flying Turns has issues with rain and we wanted to make sure we got a ride in. While in line we took in some of the brilliant Halloween theming of the 3rd best Halloween event in the world.

Jim sounds like my kind of dude. May he rest in peace...

I'll admit, the first time I rode Flying Turns I was actually a bit underwhelmed with it. Maybe it was the 7 years of hype, maybe it needed time to break in, I don't know... but it's really grown on me since and it seems like this ride gets faster and more out of control every time I ride it. The section before the main lift is honestly pretty crazy in it's own right and really sets the tone for the ride, but once the ride drops off the second lift it becomes almost ridiculously fast and crazy and makes you legitimately believe you're about to die. Flying Turns has really grown on me. I was underwhelmed at first but now I'm at the point where I absolutely love the thing.

Since the ride takes place in a trough, it's nearly impossible to photograph aside from the lift hills.

At that point we had managed to ride most of the park's marquee attractions so we decided to slow down a bit, ride some rides as we came to them and take in the atmosphere. We hit Black Diamond next (which is always a great time), then Round Up (which is my favorite round up anywhere) and then another awesome Phoenix ride before browsing some of the shops and taking in the Phunfest atmosphere as the sun started to set. There's nothing like a fall night at Knoebels. It was a little warmer than normal and didn't have that patented crisp fall feel, but the atmosphere was still the same as always. Anyone who declares Hallo-O-Fun the 3rd best Halloween event in the world is an idiot, but there's something very charming and fun about a park where every ride is thoughtfully decorated with standard consumer Halloween decorations that most likely came from Party City and Wal Mart. :lol:

This ride... holy sh*t

Bacon on a stick? Don't mind if I do...

We took another spin on Paratrooper, because why not?

After Paratrooper, we were in the mood to try something new and after eyeing it for years but never riding I decided it was finally time to check out the Roto Jet. I was always hesitant to ride Roto Jet since I always thought it sort of looked like a kids ride but I always found it incredibly cool. Last year it had a sign out front celebrating a big anniversary and I thought I'd make that my excuse to ride, but it never happened.

The last two times I rode a ride that I thought looked like a kids ride at Knoebels, I turned out being dead wrong and now ride them all the time (the boats and the sky slide). Since there was no line, we made our way to the Roto Jet to see if this would end up being the same type of thing.

Brit ready to jet

As we boarded our jets we couldn't help but notice that (though quite spacious) they really aren't the most comfortable things in the world and they start out at a very akward angle but when you're talking about a ride so old that really almost adds to the charm. It actually felt like it was trying to dump you out to your left though and I was looking forward to raising the jet a bit so it would straighten out and feel a bit more natural.

Once the ride started I quickly realized that it was no kids ride. The rockets were spinning about as fast as you'd want them to spin at ground level before you needed to hold on and brace pretty hard, and once we started to raise the things it became pretty awesome. They don't raise quickly, so you actually get sort of a sense of accomplishment once you get your vehicle to the top of the ride since it requires a bit of work, and when you release you can get some pretty abrupt drops. The Roto Jets get a big thumbs up from me and we'll be sure to ride them a ton on our future visits to the park.

What a cool looking ride...

As the final remnants of sun began to fade, we made our way up towards the front to get a ride on the Haunted pioneer train. We prefer the Haunted Antique Cars since it features live actors and is legitimately scary as hell, but the wait time for those was already almost 2 hours so (as we often do) we opted for the train and more Phoenix rides instead.

We hit the carousel on the way, I was definitely a little rusty but half way through I found my groove and started stockpiling ringy dingy ding-a-ling dings per usual

We made our way up to the train and quickly discovered that it was already sporting a massive line. Luckily the people around us in line were pretty cool and "pass the pumpkin" was in full effect to help pass the time.

At Hall O Fun they take Pioneer Train night rides seriously

Luckily the wait was only about 30 minutes and it was only that long because there was a 10 minute delay while 6 people attempted to pry someone who had a few too many pierogies out of the train and back into their scooter. I'd never seen someone get stuck in the train before, but I guess you see something new every day.

The theme of the ride this year I guess was a demonic medicine show, but in reality it was pretty much all over the place (but a ton of fun)

While it's not comparable with the haunted antique cars, they really stepped up their game on the train this year. They don't feature live actors so it's not scary for children, but the theming and props have really improved. At one point the train even stops for a timed, corny explosion effect. The entire thing was an absolute blast (see what I did there?). lol

Back under Twister

After the train ride, we hit the Scooters again real quick (which were awesome obviously, though Brit got the sh*t beat out of her and this time it wasn't even my fault lol) and then made our way over to the boats. The boats always have a wait, but they're a great time. They're absolutely impossible to steer so generally you end up crashing into walls and grabbing onto low hanging bridges and Kozmos Curves supports to help push them where you want them to go. It's a sh*t show, but in the best way possible.

To see what a beautiful train wreck this really is, watch with the sound on. The video quality improves dramatically part way through but in the end it's still shot on an iphone 5 at night so what do you want from me? lol :lol:

On second thought, thank god this park doesn't serve booze. We may have died. That crash at the end defies the laws of physics. My #1 role model in life, Jimmy Buffet would be so disappointed in me :lol:

Between the Scooters and the boats, all of that crashing had made us pretty hungry so we made our way back to Cesari's Pizza for dinner.

As everyone knows, I'm a bit of a pizza snob. Generally speaking I can't stand the pizza from any pizza place that's not located in New York, Montreal or the surrounding areas. For some reason, nobody else knows how to make dough and the pizza is usually either a greasy f*cking mess or has stupid sh*t on it like pineapples to distract you from how much it sucks. As I documented in my last report, I can now confidently add Chicago to the list of places that suck at making pizza too.

Outside of the New York and Montreal areas I can really only think of 3 places where I legitimately like the pizza. One is Grotto (in Delaware, it sucks in Pennsylvania), one is Wildwood and the other... almost inexplicably is in the middle of bumblef*ck Pennsylvania at Knoebels which is surrounded for hundreds of miles in every direction by nothing but terrible pizza.

Brit went with one of their healthier options

...And I absolutely did not (Bonus points for the Birch Beer)

I legitimately can't explain how this pizza is good but it is. The only hypothesis I have is that either the awesomeness of Knoebels in general defies the laws of the universe (I'm going with that) or that they made a deal with the state where they had the ability to defy what is apparently Pennsylvania state law and make pizza crust that isn't a complete doughy dumpster fire. Also, they're VERY generous with their use of oregano and that's something I can always get behind.

After our delicious pizza we were running out of time but we decided to hit a few more rides on our way back to Phoenix. First up was the Paratrooper since it was stopping right as we were walking by. As always, it was a great ride and it was made better by the great music selection coming from the nearby Cosmotron. Normally I get screwed by the Cosmotron, but it sounded like the DJ had some common sense so I reluctantly made my way over there next. I never learn...

Ain't no party like a Cosmotron party cuz a Cosmotron party don't stop.

As we entered the ride, they were blasting Nirvana so I was feeling good about things. I love this ride, but last time we rode it I had a very traumatic experience where as soon as the bars locked they switched over to Bruno Mars for the entire ride. I know I'm apparently in the minority, but Bruno Mars f*cking sucks. Every time I hear that stupid song about him catching a grenade I can't help but wish that he would, and being locked into a seat and forced to listen to that sh*t was a truly traumatic experience that I didn't want to repeat. :lol:

I never learn... this time as soon as the bar locked, Nirvana switched off and "Hit me Baby One More Time" by Brittany Spears switched on. Brit found it hilarious, I'm convinced the Cosmotron gods hate me. Luring people in with Nirvana and then switching to Brittany Spears is a real dick move. :lol: :lmao: :lol:

In all seriousness, the ride was fun and it did switch to a much better song halfway through. :lol: I honestly love the Cosmotron and it's sort of a bummer that we only managed one ride.

After the Cosmotron we decided to make our way back to Phoenix, hitting StartosFEAR on the way since it was loading right as we walked up. As always... the ride was holy sh*t, OMFG amazing.

I love this lighting package.

After our drop we made our way back to Phoenix to end the night on a high note. We went for the back again and were treated to an unforgettable night ride. As always there was an incredible festive atmosphere surrounding the ride with plenty of hand slapping on the way up the lift and cheering as the train roared back into the station. God I love Phunfest!

Unfortunately as we made our way around for a re-ride we found that they had cut the line off about 10 minutes early. Normally for Phunfest they leave it open past 10 or at least wait until 10 so we didn't expect that at all. Lots of people were b*tching (because that's what enthusiasts do), but while it was a slight bummer we weren't about to let 10 minutes put a damper on an otherwise perfect day. Plenty of people did, but that's f*cking ridiculous. We had an awesome night ride, and we made our way back towards the front in search of an open ride.

Luckily it wasn't long before we found one and once again we hopped on board the Paratrooper. Apparently the speed isn't pre-set on this thing (not suprising if you've seen the controls for it... or really any ride at Knoebels. This is the land that technology forgot :lol: ) and this time they were running it on absolute Fun Spot Orlando mode. They offered a generously long ride and when we stopped we saw more people in line (but not nearly enough to fill the ride) so we were told we could ride again and were treated to another insane Paratrooper ride. It's a little different ending a night at Phunfest with back to back Paratrooper rides, but it was a ton of fun and we certainty weren't complaining. It wasn't intentional, but we actually rode Paratrooper more than anything else that day.


Thanks to Knoebels for another amazing Phoenix Phall Phunfest! Maybe we didn't marathon the sh*t out of Phoenix like we normally do (though we still got 3 or 4 rides), but luckily we were coming back the next day and we fully intended to make up for it :lol:

Up next: The Covered Bridge Festival and Knoebels Day 2!

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby boldikus » Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:27 pm

LOL that video of the boat ride is hilarious. I'm having flashbacks of driving to Virginia last year. :lmao: :lmao:

Great update! I need to get to this park!!!

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby ytterbiumanalyst » Thu Oct 19, 2017 1:26 pm

Oh god...the withdrawals...

Hi, my name is Andrew, and it has been two months since I visited Knoebels.

Seriously, this looks really great. The only downside to enthusiast events is the enthusiasts. I don't really care for Halloween events generally, so I really love the total dorkiness of the decorations. What can I say? I'm a sucker for puns.

Oh, and totally jealous about the Impulse line, or lack thereof. That thing was 45 minutes every time I went. Great coaster; they don't have a single bad one, and that includes Kozmo's Kurves.

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Hilltopper39 » Thu Oct 19, 2017 2:05 pm

Man I miss Knoebels. A friend is getting married in the Corning, NY area next summer which is like 2ish hours away? You can bet I'm making time in the schedule to squeeze half a day in at he Holy Land.

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Thu Oct 19, 2017 4:12 pm

Thanks guys!


We seriously almost rode Kozmo's Kurves on Saturday night. We don't need the credit, it's just fantastic. :lol:

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Canobie Coaster » Thu Oct 19, 2017 5:20 pm

Excellent report! I love how my job brings me close to Knoebels. when I visit the PA site. When I say close, I mean 1.5 hours. So everyday after work I drove there and my coworkers thought I was nuts. I am. I'm nuts for Knoebels.

I have never tried those boats before but it looks like I should give them a try! Can't be any worse than driving bumper cars after beer at Oktoberfest.
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Habreno » Thu Oct 19, 2017 7:13 pm

Great report! I've driven those boats before and years ago I was able to get through the entire ride without hitting a wall (except entering/exiting the station), but IDK if the driving got worse since then.

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby CaptainUnknown » Thu Oct 19, 2017 7:29 pm

Your bumper car story reminds me of one night when I was working Valleyfair's bumper cars. It was the last ride of the night and the only two people were this older couple in their 80s. He just spent the whole ride chasing her around and ramming her when she got trapped in the sea of unoccupied cars. I can totally see that being you and Brit in a few years.

Oh, and
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby ThemeParkJunkie51290 » Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:52 pm

I MUST VISIT THIS PARK SOON! =) =) =) Seriously, I must! I hear only great things about Knoebels and your trip report truly assured me it's time I make a visit. Great report!

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Dombot » Fri Oct 20, 2017 4:45 am

That boat video needs to win an award of some sort. :lol: :lol: :lol:



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