NerdBurger 282 - Ripping the Shirt Open

This week Michael makes a triumphant return to talk about Captain Picard's triumphant return while Craig makes his triumphant return from Gen Con! Also: Celebrity death & disease, FootballBurger, and Michael's Top Ten Professional Wrestling Life Lessons!

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RIP, Charlotte Rae. Can you believe we didn't make a Facts of Death joke? Neither can we.

No, Alan Alda is not... (hold on, checking...) dead. Repeat, he is NOT dead. Just old and shaky.

No coke; Pepsi. Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, hotdog, hotdog, hotdog, hotdog, hotdog, bratwurst, brat... you get the idea.

Captain (Admiral?) Picard is back!

Michael's Life Lessons from the World of Professional Wrestling

1. To be the man, you gotta beat the man.

2. Gauge the crowd's reaction before shaking someone's hand.

3. If you can't say something nice, say something clever. Rhyming, if possible.

4. Don't just take the shirt off if you can rip it open.

5. Telling people to respect you will not get you respect. When you've earned respect, people will tell you.

6. When in over your head, introduce a foreign object.

7. Always reach for the tag, but always hold the tag rope.

8. Kicking out at 2 and a half is a better story than kicking out at 1.

9. In any great partnership, one of you is the Jannetty. Don't be the Jannetty.

10. Sooner or later, we all go one-on-one with the Undertaker.

Bonus Lessons:

11. If you're not cheating, you're not trying.

12. It's only cheating if the ref sees it.

13. Every now and then, you gotta put somebody else over.

14. The most popular are always the most criticized.

15. You're never too old for one last run at the title.

16. There's always room for a nostalgia act.

17. No matter how successful you are, never mismanage your finances.

18. No matter how good you do, one big wrong can come to define you.

19. Talking a big game is as important as actually being good at something.

20. Always make an entrance worth remembering.

21. It's okay to go down if you go down swinging.

22. People like the heels better. Except for Japan. They love the good guys more.

23. Every match is a great match until it actually happens.

24. Just get up there and do it. Be afraid afterward.

25. Never trade good character for temporary success

This week's alternate episode titles were:

  • Area Code Burger
  • Drive Thru Noir
  • The Cousin Oliver of Growing Pains
  • Up on Hind Legs
  • Malibu Picard