Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Forwarding address

Farewell, High Sheriffs of Google — you brainless rat bastards.

Coiled Pleasures is now at WordPress, with a bounty of bazongas, brownies and buttondowns.


Monday, February 23, 2015

Attack of the High Sheriffs

Joe Bob Briggs used to refer to the forces of darkness at the Dallas Times-Herald as the High Sheriffs, and while that paper is long gone, the impulse to be a high sheriff is stronger than ever.

Witness this announcement I just received from Google:




Now, while it is true that I frequently post screen shots from films, and those screen shots often contain some degree of nekkidity, it is always presented in a highly artistic, educational, documentary, or scientific context — so much so I want to puke.

So some busybody years ago decided to flag "Coiled Pleasures," and now this. 

Well, fuck'em. See that, Google? Piss off, you brainless rodents. I'll take this show elsewhere.

This is okay:

This is not:

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Hi, I'm Fat Slob. How Do You Do?

So it's been snowy and cold and generally miserable this winter. Plus I am about 20 pounds overweight, so three-quarters of my stuff doesn't fit.

This does: a two button Brooks sack jacket, Lands End cotton sweater vest, J. Press red uni stripe oxford and tie, LL Bean lined Chinos, Hanna cap and Allen Edmonds Eagle River boots with a Vibram lug sole. And a J. Press lambswool scarf (which they are giving away at the moment, by the way).

Okay, that's it. Off to the gym! And then to see "50 Shades of Grey"! Gee whiz!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Empty "Canyons"

Paul Schrader's "The Canyons" (written by Bret Easton Ellis) is a tedious piece of crap about bored decadent Hollywood people of marginal talent and interest.

Blah blah blah...

A self-portrait, in other words.



As does everybody in this clunker.

...blah blah blah blah...


A Fast-Forward Special -- to the dogpile scene, which is icky.

...blah blah blah blah oh let's get nekkid blah blah blah blah.

Zero coils. A complete waste of time.

Sunday, February 8, 2015


You won't believe how the Nazi zombies gassed up the tank.








Got that?







Zombie Squad geek poses for photo with his first confirmed kill




Three coils.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Review: Tacky Fly Box

I've seen these around and bought a couple. I am in the middle of Early January Fly-Fishing Angst Mode, when the only fishable water is about two miles of the West Branch of the Farmington, right where it comes out of the dam, and my idea of a good time is watching Davy Wotton videos while curled up in a blanket.

It's a slender thing, measuring 3/4 inch thick and 3 1/2 x 7 inches in area. It fits into a Fishpond chest pack. You could probably cram three or four in.

There are slots for 168 flies, but unless these flies are tiny and you want to use tweezers to get them in and out, I don't think you'll get every slot filled.

Hard to say how it works until I get out and try it, but I think it will allow me to consolidate all the nymphs in one (or two or three) boxes with a lot less bulk involved.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

"Big Tit Zombie" Hits New Exciting Lows (with bonus French phrases)

Takao Nakano's 2010 "Big Tit Zombie" is an unusually stupid and tasteless film and as such zooms to the top of the CACA charts.

It stars Japanese porn queen Sora Aoi, aka Aoi Sora, aka Aoi Sola, and aka a few other names that are all remarkably similar.

She doesn't have especially big tits, either, but le tout ensemble is quite attractive. Especially when wielding a chain saw.

The plot, such as it is, has five strippers working in an unsuccessful club that just happens to be connected by underground passage to a dank dungeon with Cabbage Patch dolls and a well. Oh, and there is a Book of the Dead.

Naturally one of the strippers reads from the Book of the Dead. It is de rigueur in these situations. Otherwise the movie would just be called "Big Tit," or possibly "Big Tits," and where would you be?

Zombies emerge from the well, and hilarity ensues.

What sets this one apart from, say, "Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead" are the sushi scenes (once with sushi, once with entrails).

And where "Zombie Ass" had unusual things erupting from the butt-type area, "Big Tit Zombie" has a fiery...


I can't say it. The area from which the fire explodes is, uh...

Adjacent! That's it. The fire comes from a region of a lady actor's personal body that is adjacent to the butt-type area of the personal b.

The film is also very meta, which can mean anything. In this case it means that the subtitles rarely match the dubbed dialogue, which creates an ever-changing dialectic and existential tension that calls into question the very nature of cinema itself.

(Ha! Top that, dog-ass New York Times!)

It also means the director is shouting things at the actors, and you can see the wires on the tentacle things.

Four breasts (each set twice). Chain saw splitting of zombie, twice. Book of the Dead. Gibberish Latin that's not even Latin. (It's not even close.) Mt. Fuji as subject of subtextual jokes. Amusing zombies. And that fire thing.

Four coils, unreservedly, and a nomination for the next Iron Coil award.