I’m truly sorry. Did that get your attention? Areeeeeeeeeeeet-tah, here’s what I got for ya’s.

First of all, if any of you social warriors out there haven’t heard of Dick Gregory yet, you need to get a fuckin’ grip, okay? Fucking check god damn Mate, no questions asked. And suck my dick all the way to the bank I do not care, because I can not be any more serious right now.

It’s like our mom’s always say, Sticks and Stones, kids! Sticks and Stones! But words… but words… man they fucking KILL people, amirite!? Shout out to Chris Joseph, man, I miss reading your shit and I remember the days when I used to give a fuck about the organization where grown men throw around pointy leather sacks of air, until I was too busy watching nuclear weapons testing exercises to ensure we essentially don’t get Hiroshima’d all to Hell. I mean literally, I was one of the few cubicles with an office that had it’s back to all the movies and games, but damn, actually lucky me. If you’re interested in reading any of this, that’s fantastic. Here’s what I just wrote with the pen after I smoked -Imean- after -er my friend wrote it after he smoked LOL OMG.

Remember– Voicemails don’t have to suck.

“It’s a brilliant idea. I tell them “you ain’t ready”, Then, While I get ready, I come clean and admit to everyone that it was actually me who wasn’t ready, but not till after I’m ready like, “Okah, I’m ready now -you said you were ready back then but now I’m actually ready and not lying, and they’re like “wait how do I know you’re not lying now?, And I’m like you just gotta believe me, it’s the only answer that actually makes sense, But No, seriously though you just have to believe me.”””””””””””””””””””””””””””

I’m fuck ready!…almost Soon.

No, seriously though Let’s fuckin go.

This concludes my free-writing session.

Please don’t hate me, the title is a mechanism/trap/contraption to test my theory that I’ll get in some sort of trouble for saying that in the title when really I’m respectfully paying tribute to Dick Gregory and raising awareness on what his message holds and means. And that’s not to say he’s the best, I just don’t think enough of you mother fuckers have heard of him yet. It’s not enough till all of you know, as far as I’m concerned. And there are more tributes to come, and I promise to stop using the word nigger* from here on out. I love Mark Twain but it’s just not the look I’m going for right now. If none of this made you laugh, here’s Llaila Afrika.

If you laughed at any of this, here’s Dick Gregory.

The point is, we have a lot of things that need to be corrected. Rest in Paradise, Harry Anslinger and FDR, our guardian angels. And Ask Jeeves is making a comeback, you heard it here first, but ask Jeeves my grandfather Warren Delano if you really care about this country… he was a war hero, you know? “And I’m prooooud t’be Anne-Americannn, where at least I know I’m–” shut the fuck up.

Can someone please help me wrap my head around all of this?

Ohhhhhh… it was NAGGERS. Nevermind… woohphhh, that’s my bad!!!!!!!

Arguably single-handedly the greatest South Park skit of all time.

RIP To Ryan Muller who taught me the importance of free-writing. GOD DAMN I feel so much better right now. I was fucking losin’ it back there!

Stay classy, San Diego.