Theories of Engagement

I got the idea of writing this while I was (pretending) to be busy at work a few weeks back and it seems that coincidentally that so many things that has been happening within this past couple of weeks that has been inputting into this thought.

Each and every one of us has heard of this before, so many people out there would have their own theories about getting into relationships and for some of us, have been given these theories as "sound advice" during our high or low times. Question is, how many are these theories out there? Even for myself, I've added in a few of my own over the years so I figured it would be a great idea if I was to try and compile most of them here.

Long Distance Relationships - they never work...

This one we have heard so many times, the very fact that so many people would believe the fact that long distance relationship can never work, for all the reasons in the world. Be it the fact that you would not be physically there with the person, or that you would be more likely to meet some one new when you are away, or just the fact that distance changes a person. It seems to be a common reasoning that people usually tell people and I don't blame then for saying so. Fact of the matter is, I've been a victim of this theory before so I would have to vouch for the validity of this theory.

Online Dating - always a disaster..

Say what you want about online dating, despite all the technological advancements that you can get from social online meet up, online dating has always been a recipe for disaster. Some one once came up to me and told me that there was once he met up with this girl on mIRC (yes, I am that old...) and had an awesome 3 months online chat relationship with this person, and when the day came for him to meet the person, she turned out to be a transvestite working in the fashion industry (swear not making this up). When something like this happen, who would you blame? I guess the days of A/S/L are long gone...

Get to know a person then get together with the person, never the other way around

This was once told to me by "Stormy"Reza many year ago in the midst of my really bad relationship. Rule of thumb that he held on for his relationship is that no one should ever get together with a person without knowing who the person really is first. Come at least in that situation you'll never find any hidden surprises on difference of personality along the relationship.

I know for this one, a lot would be very subjective on whether to agree with this or not. For myself, I have to agree with him for this theory since I had my fair share of surprises within 3 - 4 months of the relationship.

Changing a person when getting into a relationship - not!

How many of you people out there have heard this one before? Most people would tell you that you can never change a person when you get them into a relationship, for the very reason that you're about to attempt to change something that has already been a part of him just for a relationship would be as sound as a penguin trying to land a Jumbo Jet. Fact of the matter is some people might be able to change but it has to be for himself, never for another person.

Break-ups are never the end

I know that this would be a slight sensitive topic but back in time when I had to go through a massive break up, a really good friend of mine once told me that a break up is never the end, its a start of a new hunt. That was when I realized that so many people would rather look at the tragic side of break ups rather than the cynical and funny side of it. I laughed my head out so hard that night, completely forgotten about how painful the break up was. 

Fact of the matter is, if a person would want to see a break up as a tragic tale to your sorry life, then so be it. Life's a bit more to that I feel and when I was made to see it that way, I just had to agree.

Checking on your partner's phone/SMS is alright

Leaving the best for last, this is also another one that I am sure so many people have heard before and frankly, no one would be able to give a straight answer as to whether they would agree to this or not. Fact of the matter is that a lot of people get worried by filling in the ideas of finding their partners having "sexting" sessions with another person or in some situations, some would argue that if you have nothing to hide, then it makes this situation alright. This one I would have to get people to discuss on.

SO, this would be just a few of the ones that I have heard so far and frankly I know that there are many more out there that people would know of. Do share what you guys have heard, wouldn't mind adding more to the list I already know. :D


Nang this if you like it guys. Thanks!
Follow the TehTarik way!


  1. I agreed with u too! online dating = disaster! =)

  2. Teh.. very nice post indeed.. well i think it explains most of the relationboat "situation" here.. dont know how accurate but i believe there are some degree of truth in it..

  3. I like this post *two thumbs up* and I truly agree with get to know a person before getting together with a person, not the other way round and long distance sometimes works though :p

  4. I am in a long distance relationship. It cost a bomb in communicating. T3T. I still think checking partner's phone is not right some how~

  5. i like it, i been away from malaysia for about 6 years before.in i had long distance relationship. yes the first bf i was with which i been knowing him abt 5years before i leave malysia still cant stand the distance.we chat.sumtimes on phone bt it just not enough.he end up marrying sumone behind my back.thn another relationship.long distance as well.am i stupid or wat?but it last for 3years and we on phone and skype.thnx to skype almst everyday.he so lovely..i never feel like he is away from me.we made up abt every 5 or 10months.but after i came back for good than he changed.giving a bunch of reason.we feel like strangers when we around and near for good reason.we feel the pressure when one side of the family are pushing things.well since thn i dunt knw how long distance relation can work?if before all ths shitz happened i still feel great and lovely even it was a long distance relationship :)

  6. super like can? and i believe there's nothing wrong in checking ur bf/gf's phone. if he/she has nothing to hide, he wouldnt mind right?

  7. exactly! wonder if anyone made it work before?

  8. henceforth I leave it to y'all to interpret it on your own. let see what the general public has got to say aboot it.

  9. hence why I took my time to get to know the person before I got together with my current relationship. no unpleasant surprises thus far!

  10. ah so we have an opinion on this one! graet stuff! :D

  11. thanks so much for your input!

    to be frank I've heard so much about this situation going on before. I guess when the time comes for a couple to come out of their comfort zone, there will be a situation where they would not like it. I guess unfortunately for yours was the actual physical presence.

    I guess there are some that can make LDR work, in a way that suits their own lifestyle, and unfortunately for most it doesn't.

  12. to some degree I would agree on this, as I said I'm 50-50 on this topic. wanna see what you lot think! :D