Thursday, October 18, 2007

What to Expect When You're Expecting - Teens

Like most bloggers I have pretty diverse mix of readers who are men, women, single people, married people, people with babies/toddlers/teens and on and on.

But since I'm the father of teens at this point in my life, I thought it might be helpful to share a little "idiosyncrasy" that you might expect to experience if you have teens some day. Oh, don't get excited. I'm not talking about any earth-shattering revelations, I'm simply referring to the phenomenon of lost, missing or consumed goods.

That's right. If you got teens, you're missing things. It's that simple.

Don't ask me why, but for whatever reason - there just happens to be certain things around our house that my teens are obsessed with using, and losing. Here's the short list - at least around here:

Flashlights - At one point I had 5 of them. All working. All stored in the same place. Now I'm lucky if I can find one - with dead batteries of course.

Batteries - Between cameras, hand-held video games, remotes, mp3 players, etc etc etc... teens will eat these like candy.

Duct tape - Don't ask me why, but kids are fascinated with duct tape and will figure out a way to consume a roll in one sitting. At one point my kids were making duct tape wallets. Another time I came home to find Austin completely cocooned in tape and writhing on the floor. Yes, his brother and friends were responsible.

Other tape - It doesn't matter... scotch, packing, masking - any tape is fair game. It doesn't matter how much I buy - if I need it, I ain't got it. It's that simple.

Scissors - They're supposed to be in a clay cup in our cupboard. Two or three pairs of them. I'll give you one guess how many are in there at any given time. If you said zero then you were right.

SD memory cards
- Seriously. You'd think if I had a 1 Gig memory card for my camera it would actually be IN the camera. Ya, you'd think.

Phillips screwdrivers
- Check the screwdriver holder on my work bench. I have 9 slotted screwdrivers. I have no Phillips.

Drill bits - Oh, I have the big fat ones. Lots and lots of big fat ones. The guys will know what I'm talking about here.

WD-40 - Got boys? Then you don't got WD-40. At least not very long.

Hats and gloves - Last fall I bought the cutest matching set. Last winter I had the cutest glove.

Hmmm, after reviewing this post, I have now been struck by one question...

Do any of you other guys hear your dad saying, "Can you say paybacks?"


deborah said...

Is this where we ADD to the list? Cause boy could I, let's see now;

tape, stapler, keys (no, they DON'T drive),

FOOD - Did I not just go to the store??

my slip-on shoes, or any of my shoes; jackets, sweaters,

rake, shovel, basically ANY gardening equip. you may need at the time. (girls)

scrapbooking items; templates, taperunners, gluestix, paintpens, trimmers,

camera, video camera (yea - both)

phones from every room in the house all missing drives Frank nutso.

pens. pencils. highlighters. (Again, Frank)

ok, I'm freaking out

Jeff said...

deborah - Yeah, I smell a part II some day here. I think the single greatest invention of all time was the "find" beeper on cordless phones. We must push that stupid button 10 times a day, and it's like a lottery to guess where it will be each time. It's not foolproof though because one time we had to give it up for lost - until we later found it in the garage. Yep. Teens.

Carla said...

I think another follow up would be the things "left". I am always finding hair thingys, misc shoes, used dishes, and discarded dvd boxes when Rachel has been here on her weekends. They are like little indoor hurricanes picking up and dropping as they go about the house.
As for scissors and tape, yup, if they aren't in the junk drawer, they are in her room. I guess it's that crafty side of them.

Julie Pippert said...

Hmm doesn't sound too different from 3 and 6 year olds. Bigger? Louder? More vocabulary?

Tape (any sort), scissors, batteries, pens, flashlights (especially flashlights), anything they desire to use and is not tied down or locked up...

So what you are telling me is lose my hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The lifting of goods will not end.

Wow, deflate my balloon why doncha. ;)

P.s. Bring on more teen talk if you like. I do much better when I know what to expect. :)

Using My Words

Dad said...

Everytime I go to your house you are missing the T.V. remote!

Whit said...

I don't have teens yet, but I remember being one. Seems like I performed some magic on anything edible and the sneaking of an occasional beer can with the guys.

Diesel said...

The sad thing is, I'm missing all of these things already, and my oldest kid is 8. :(

Mom Thumb said...

Since my kids moved out, I always know where the phones are. Food and pens. I hate when the dishes go missing because they are usually somewhere under something with food still on them.

wayabetty said...

When I saw the title of this post, I thought you were going to write about the law that just got passed in Maine where kids as young as TEN can get birth control pills. I know, can you believe it?!

As for things going missing around here and my kids are not teens voice b/c of all the yelling and nagging to tell them to clean up their rooms, eat their veggies, brush their teeth, change their clothes, do their homework, blah blah blah. You get the point!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I love gorilla glue and unfortunately so do my kids

Jeff said...

carla - If only we could get them to "leave" their dirty clothes in the hamper. That would be a good thing too.

julie - I think I do have more teen ammo left to give. Watch for it.

dad - No Dad, the remote isn't missing. We store it under the couch cushions along with many other things. Believe it or not I found an old peanut butter sandwich in there a few weeks ago. So feel free to dig out the remote next time you're here.

whit - No kidding. My kids can make a new box of cereal disappear in one sitting. Now THAT'S magic!

diesel - Awww, the kids these days are growing up so fast.

mom thumb - So you're saying there IS hope! Huh, but then I suppose once they move out I'll be the only one to blame.

waya - Wow, birth control for 10 year olds? Wait a minute, how is that even possible at that age? I must be seriously uninformed.

stepping - That's actually one product I've never tried. Maybe because I hate the picture of the gorilla's ugly fingernails on the ad.

Mooselet said...

Everything you mentioned PLUS - the remotes, my jewellery, my perfumes/body sprays... any of my toiletries, basically. Make-up, especially mascara and foundation. These are mostly girl problems, I know (except for one gold chain the 12 year old boy likes), but it's all the same. If I can't find it, look in the teenager's disaster area, er, room.

bon bon said...

ok, you beat me to cereal here, but i'd also like to add gas from my car.

VE said...

Maybe they're actually spies? But good notes because my daughter turns 13 next week. Yikes!

BeeHappy Laurence said...

Ha ha !!! This list is very funny ! :-D

P.S. I was very busy... Now I am just busy ! But I read you ! ;-)

Mitch McDad said...

My friend...we live in two very different worlds.

Gary said...

After they have learned to drive you will never have any petrol in your car.

When they are old enough to work the TV remote control (like from 2 years old) you will never have an adult programme on your tv set for you will never find where they hide the remote, as they become teenagers instead of cartoons you find various MTV channels on 24/7.

If they are girls you are required to buy at least one set of hair straighteners per month for them.

If you are stupid enough to put your cellphone down for two minutes then you are stupid enough to let them use it for the next two hours.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I just read all that and no one said the words.....FINGERNAIL CLIPPERS

and I agree with a few others that these items can be scavenged from much younger kids than teens, and we won't EVEN talk about husbands stealing tools from the womans cool, tidy little step stool toolbox.

I hide these items here and there, because if they are not handy, they won't bother with them but then I'm willing to bet if you did that you would forget where you hid them, right?

Jeff said...

mooselet - At this point my daughter (who is 11) has not yet shown an interest in the girlie stuff like makeup and jewelry. But thanks for the heads up!

bon bon - You mean?... Are you trying to say?... Could it be?... my kids will use my car and NOT replace the gas? There's no way. I've raised my kids to be more responsible than that. Sorry.

ve - Good luck with that. And happy birthday to her!

bee - I know you're around. I don't have THAT many people from France showing up in my site meter. I've been lurking around your place too but I don't comment much because most of the time I'm not sure if Google translator has translated your stories properly, and I'm afraid I'll comment about the wrong thing!

mitch - Yes, you're an international media star and I'm not. ;-)

gary - Ah ha! We beat the cell phone problem by buying one for each of our kids. Wait a minute...

ba doozie - Fingernail clippers is a good one. I would have added that for sure if I'd thought of it.

JD said...

No scissors, but pocket knives seem to breed like rabbits at my house. Who or what are we planning on cutting?

We're down to one t.v. and though I never sit down to watch it, I have seen every episode of Drake and Josh.

The Egel Nest said...

I had a tape ball that I made from pieces of tape from the age of about 5 until about was about the size of a large beach ball before my father made me toss it...poor old tape ball :)

The Egel Nest

andi said...

I'm so screwed. I don't even have teens and I'm already missing most of this stuff.

yellojkt said...

My son has made a duct tape wallet and a duct tape tie. For Spirit Day this year he covered an entire sports coat with duct tape in the school color.

Maureen said...

Batteries: check
Regular tape: check
Scissors: check

But duct tape? Must be boy teens. I don't think my daughter would dare touch duct tape.

Windyridge said...

I have TWO teens 13 and 15. Nuff said!