Further evidence of the decline of western civilization

Alternate title: the shopping curmudgeon strikes back.

Vision statement: we hold these truths to be self evident, that retail, in general, sucks.

Hypothesis: the lowest form of humanity in the “new releases” section of the evolutionary ladder is Homo Sapiens Salesman.

The evidence: a phenomenon we call “Acute Idiopathic Phantom Price Shift”, or “AIPPS” (pronounced “apes”).

AIPPS typically strikes when a consumer is shopping for a product of moderate or high cost. An example would be high end mattresses. Say your typical consumer walks into a mattress showroom and evaluates some of the product. Your typical salesman might encourage the sale by suggesting: “the model you’re looking at is on sale, but the sale ends today.” The consumer might turn around and ask the salesman what the price will be tomorrow, after the “sale” ends. This is where we really separate the men from the apes. If the salesman is displaying the classic signs of AIPPS, he will say something that really sounds like it answers the question, but doesn’t. The most common example is the following response: “the sticker price on this product is….” What the salesman did not tell the unwitting consumer is how often he actually charges the “sticker price.” Instead of telling the consumer what the price of the product would be tomorrow, he evaded the question by playing on the consumer’s pre-conceived notion of what a “sticker price” represents. Bad salesman! Bad!

Why is it I ALWAYS show up to buy a product on the last day of a sale? Is this some kind of fantastic coincidence? Is there a different “sale” for each day of the work week; or, am I just being lied to?

Is it any wonder I don’t care for shopping?