8 Things To Never Say To Someone Going Through Menopause

women and menopause
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TV shows joke about it, your friends may laugh about it, and heck, even you may think it's a good excuse to send your husband out for freeze pops, but the truth is that menopause is no joke. It's a wild ride of hot flashes, weight gain, sleepless nights, and mood swings (and those are just the start; check out these 10 things no one ever tells you about menopause). And if you're not in the thick of it, it can be hard to know what to say—and what not to say—to show your support to someone going through it. A good start? Avoiding the 8 phrases below.

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Don't say: "Oh, you're not old enough for menopause yet."
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Is your friend confiding in you about a change in her period, poor bladder control, or other menopause-like symptoms? According to the National Institute on Aging, the average age of a woman's last period is 51, but some experience menopause in their 40s (if you do start on the earlier side, take a look at these 7 things early menopause means for your health). So even though your instinct may be to make her feel better, it's best not to brush off the big "M" and leave it to her doctor to decide what's really going on.

Don't say: "Did you forget to take your hormones?"
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Yes, women who choose to take hormone prescriptions in menopause can experience very positive effects, from stabilized moods and better sleep to fewer hot flashes and a stronger sex drive. But grumpiness and stress can also stem from a bad day, gaining five pounds on vacation, or a big deadline at work, says Diana Bitner, MD, of Spectrum Health Medical Group in Grand Rapids, MI, where she started a menopause support group. And low sex drive can be because her partner didn't put away the laundry or because he yelled at the kids, not because she has overall low libido. Basically, not everything has to do with hormones, so don't go there. (If wacky hormones are to blame for your own weight gain and mood swings, you need Prevention's The Hormone Fix, a smart, simple plan that's helped countless women lose weight and get their lives back.)

Don't say: "You look like you haven't slept in days."
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Night sweats and interrupted sleep are common for women during the peri-menopausal transition and menopause, often leading to fatigue and mood swings, says Alyssa Dweck, MD, an OB/GYN at the Mount Kisco Medical Group in Westchester County, NY. "Lack of sleep can take a toll on your body, impacting energy levels, emotions, weight gain, and libido." What helps? Power naps whenever possible, and lowering that thermostat.

Don't say: "Why no, it's not at all hot it here."
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"Many menopausal women will suffer from hot flashes, which can range in severity from mild to debilitating," explains Dweck. "Most describe a sudden and overwhelming sense of heat rushing from the neck up, with an accompanying red face, profuse perspiration, and embarrassment and discomfort as a result. Some find their day-to-day activities truly disrupted by this." Want to offer a suggestion instead, in case she asks? Dweck says helpful remedies might include wearing light layers of moisture wicking clothing, using a fan, and avoiding caffeine, heavy meals, and red wine (these 3 breathing exercises can also help ease a hot flash).

Don't say: "Is your hair…different?"
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Here's the deal. Come menopause, women start to lose the hair on their heads and simultaneously grow hair where you'd least want to, like the upper lip, chin and neck. Instead, compliment her on what is working, suggests Barbara Dehn, a Silicon Valley-based nurse practitioner and author of The Hot Guide to a Cool, Sexy Menopause. (Here are 6 ways your hair changes after menopause and what you can do about it.)

Don't say: "I can't believe you have to use the bathroom again!"
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Well, believe it, says Dehn, because one in three women experience a little bit of light leakage or feel the urge to go much more frequently during menopause. And for women dealing with bladder issues, the last thing they need is having the issue pointed out (if that's you, these 11 solutions for a leaky bladder can help).

Don't say: "Have you tried Spanx?"
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"The truth is that many women do develop a little extra padding around their middle," says Dehn. "I call it the 'Meno-Pot-Belly' and it happens thanks to out-of-whack hormones. Maintaining a flat tummy is much, much harder now." Dehn says her friends and patients tell her that humor and commiseration about how every scale is broken and how all your pants have mysteriously shrunk overnight are a lot better than giving unsolicited diet advice. (Losing weight after menopause sure isn't easy, but here's how 8 women successfully did it.)

Don't say: "Wait, you're still going through menopause?"
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The Cleveland Clinic states that the average length of perimenopause—the transition into menopause—is four years. But for some women it lasts just a few months. No matter what, it can feel like a long time, so your best bet is to be as patient as she is.

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