Friday, May 2, 2014

Mental vacation

There are times when my mind shuts down a bit—when I go inside myself as a direct result of the influence of other people. Sometimes this is a matter of self-protection, and sometimes it is a wonderful, meditative escape. It all depends on whose influence is being exerted.

There are really two types of other-people-induced mental vacation. The first is more of a shut-down than a vacation. I am a social person, but sometimes I just reach a point of mental over-stimulation and I need to go away and be where others are not, or at least where the bulk of others are not. This usually happens at a party when I have spent hours listening to people talk and adjusting to the music (dungeon parties are way too fond of Norwegian death metal). Eventually my brain can no longer deal with the noise and I either have to go off by myself or, preferably, have a person whose energy can absorb mine take me to a quiet corner and help me refocus. This doesn’t cure the over-stimulation—if we rejoin the party it still exists—but it makes it bearable for a time.

The other type of mental vacation is entirely about being completely engaged with the energy created by the person, or people, I am with--and about being content, and satisfied, and happy to just exist. In this case it is not about over-stimulation, but about balance, and energy that is stimulated just enough to calm me. I just reach a point when I no longer want to talk (though I am happy to listen to them talk). I don’t want to watch television, or listen to music, or do anything but sit and enjoy the peace that comes with this feeling. It is a sort of trance—a wee touch of subspace. It is the only time when my mind lets go of the insanity caused by the chaos that I surround myself with and lets go of its defenses.

That space is when I am at my most vulnerable. When I am in that space there is nothing but trust and the desire to be whatever I am meant to be in that moment.