Layers of release and harvesting of nutrients


In working on knots, I notice two layers.




I have had something very similar to chronic fatigue for many years, and see this quite clearly there.

Sometimes, the fatigue and its effects is an Other, a disturbance, and I am caught up in blind identification with the whole knot of fatigue and that which resists it. It all feels very personal.

Other times, there is a release from identification with the knot, and a release from being blindly caught up in the struggle around it. It becomes less personal. It arises as part of this field of awakeness and form, along with everything else. It is there, but my identification is not caught up in it anymore. This in itself is a great relief.

Then, I also actively explore the content and gifts of the fatigue.

I shouldn’t have fatigue > I should have it. Why should I have it? What are the genuine gifts in it for me?

  1. It allows me to relax. I used to be very driven, unable to relax for very long. Now, I am at peace with relaxing and not doing much. I am able to embrace that side of myself and life more wholeheartedly now.
  2. Also, it humbles me in a good way. It brings me out of the blind arrogance that came from being so active and productive. I join humanity more fully.
  3. It helps me explore different approaches to health and healing, at all levels. It has brought me to many modalities, and encouraged me to explore each one more fully than I would otherwise.

In my daily life, I see that when I get caught up into resisting the fatigue, it becomes an enemy, an Other, a disturbance, a problem. On top of the fatigue, I add a war and struggle which in itself makes it much more difficult. If I befriend the fatigue, I can actually find a support from it. If I join with it, I find that it helps me relax more deeply even as I am active in the world. In particular, it helps me relax and be more comfortable in social situations. It gives a sense of grounding. It helps me find myself as the ground of all that is happening, already allowing and embracing it all.

Through voice dialog, Process Work and shamanic journeying, I can explore all of this in more detail.

I find myself as the fatigue, the symptom maker, and explore what I have to offer to this human self. What does he need to see and know? What can I contribute to his life? What are my gifts? How does he relate to me? How can he harvest my gifts more fully?

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