Understanding relationships

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  1. Rules ->
    predictable patterns -> structure
  2. When a family has rules, we say it has:
  3. Regulations:
    describe what its supposed to be and rules relate to what is
  4. How do rules and structure develop?
    • prenuptual agreement 
    • Cultural differences
    • family of origin influences
    • things you have learned from your own family, or you tendto do the opposite
    • personality influences/biological influences (dominant/submissive presonality)
  5. Healthy families are similar in 3 ways:
    • 1. clear boundaries
    • 2. Hierarchal organization - in healthy families "there is an unambiguous hierarchy of power, with leadership in the hands of the parents, who form a united coalition" (nichols)
    • 3. Flexibility 
  6. Satir's: Healthy rules should support 5 freedoms:
    • the freedom to perceive what you perceive
    • the freedom to think one's own thoughts
    • the freedom to feel one's own feelings
    • the freedom to choose what one desires
    • the freedom to develop in ways that are consistent with the actualization or positive development of the self
  7. Characteristics and functions of rules
    • Often implicit
    • Allow for accountabiliy
    • Denote physical and psychological boundaries
    • Regulate closeness and distance
    • Regulate roles
    • Regulate flexibility-rigidity and exceptions
    • Address implementation and violation
  8. Dancing in families-
    rule sequence:
    • Connected series of rules that governs a complex pattern of behavior
    • Involve a cyclic pattern
    • Can be healthy - rituals
    • Can be unhealthy, called vicious cycles (sometimes called dances)
  9. Dances couples do
    • Pursuer/distancer
    • Drifting dance
    • Conflictual dance
    • Circular dance
    • The overfunction-underfunction dance
  10. Pursuer/distancer dance:
    one partner seeks to deal with anxiety head on and the other puts up barriers and runs away
  11. The drifting couple dance:
    • partners often drift apart due to lack of similar interests and an inability to resolve conflict
    • rarely do things together 
    • when they are together there is little joy in the relationship
  12. The conflictual couple dance:
    just as the drifting couple avoids conflict, the conflictual couple uses conflict to help them deal with issues of closeness and distance
  13. The circular dance
    they connect with each other emotionally but they rarely resolve issues
  14. The purpose of dances:
    often regulate and control some anxiety and deal with issues of closeness and distance
  15. The overfunction-underfunction dance:
    one person does too much and the other doesnt really do anything
  16. Dimensions of cohesion and adaptability are measured by FACES inventory:
    • Disengaged
    • Separated
    • Connected
    • Enmeshed
  17. Adaptability (flexibility):
    how easily families can change or modify their rules
  18. Family ideology:
    A shared belief system, central to guiding family rules, goals, and way of being
  19. Different family ideology systems (sometimes called paradigms)
    Three types:
    • 1. Closed - "right away" - traditional, parental authority, somewhat rigid
    • 2. Open- flexible, tolerant, negotiates
    • 3. Random- few set schedules and rules, individual freedom
  20. What happens when these families experience problems?
    The exaggeration principle - family tries harder, exaggerates its own character
  21. The Epigenesis Principle:
    what is done in the early stages in a relationship influences what can be and is done in later stages
  22. Morphostasis/morphostasis principle:
    the push to stay the same - attenuating/negative feedback
  23. Morphogenesis/morphogenesis principle:
    the push to change - amplifying/positive feedback
  24. Why is change so difficult in families?
    • 1. Early rules have significant meaning and are associated with deeply felt emotions
    • 2. Many beliefs and feelings are unconsious or partially unconscious
    • 3. A rule becomes a part of a complex web of rules; any attempt to change one rule has implications concerning other things
  25. Change: although it is hard, some changes do occur.
    Some examples that produce change:
    • birth of first child
    • your mother in law coming to live with you
    • your child growing up and needing fewer rules
  26. The family life cycle: six stages
    • 1. the unattached young adult
    • 2. marriage
    • 3. the family with young children
    • 4. the family with adolscents
    • 5. launching children and moving on
    • 6. the family in later life
Card Set:
Understanding relationships
2012-09-29 16:33:33

family rules structure and development
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