2013 Films in Review

This sounds excessive:  I saw 44 films this year.  Or rather, I made a list of films from 2013 I saw this year.  This isn’t including the films from other years I saw this year, with the notable exception of Jurassic Park 3-D which I saw in the theatre and I feel the 3-D was a significant change.  Some people disagree.  I didn’t include The Day of the Doctor although I did see it in a movie theatre.

1. Twelve Years a Slave  – this was a vividly painful film based on true events.  People should see it at least once. I have no plans on ever seeing it again.

2.  From Up on Poppy Hill – An animated film written by Miyazaki and directed by his son Goro.

3. Frozen – A computer animated film from Disney, featuring Broadway singing talent.

4. Monsters University – The latest Pixar animated film, prequel to Monsters, Inc.

5.  Pacific Rim – Man fights giant monsters in giant robots.  Boom!

6.  Jurassic Park (3D) – God creates dinosaurs.  God destroys dinosaurs, god creates man. Man creates dinosaurs, dinosaurs eat man…

7.  Saving Mr. Banks –  Walt Disney tries really hard to convince the author of Mary Poppins to be okay with her father and selling out.

8.  The Book Thief – A little girl in Nazi Germany learns how to read.

9.  Dallas Buyers Club – An unlikely hero for the early AIDS movement does everything he can to find medication that will help him survive.

10.  The Wind Rises – Hayao Miyazaki’s final film, tells the story of the designer of the Mitsubishi Zero fighter.

11.  Star Trek:  Into Darkness (3D) – You think you are safe.  Benedict Cumberbatch is going to wreck your life.

12. The World’s End – Let’s go out drinking but it seems like the people back home have been replaced with well behaved robots.  FIGHT!

13.  The Way, Way Back – This kid suffers through a really bad vacation.  But has a decent time working at a water park.

14.  The Kings of Summer – Some boys run off into the woods to live alone by their own rules.

15.  Philomena – A little old lady goes on a quest to try and find the son she was deprived by evil nuns.

16.  Now You See Me – An elaborate heist film using magic and slight of hand.

17.  The Hunger Games:  Catching Fire – Watch Peeta’s chin.

18.  The Hobbit:  Desolation of Smaug – Highframe rate 3D is weird to watch.  Also, it ends abruptly and the writing could be stronger.  The film really exists as a technology testbed.

19.  42 – Jackie Robinson becomes a Dodger and inspires everyone to be a better person.  Oh, and he’s a great baseball player too.

20.  August:  Osage County – Meryl Streep is on a bunch of pills and is super mean to her family.

21.  Percy Jackson:  Sea of Monsters – They gave me free popcorn and soda.  Also, a much better film than the one that came before it, almost restored the series to something resembling the books.  I enjoyed it.

22.  Elysium – Not as good as District 9 but I like stories where rich people live up in space.  Hoping for a decent Battle Angel Alita eventually.

23.  Blackfish – Orca have feelings.  Torturing orca is mean.

24.  Blue Jasmine – Woody Allen did Streetcar Named Desire

25.  World War Z – The book was better

26.  Remington and the Curse of the Zombadings – A super campy filipino gay zombie film.

27.  Starbuck – Surprise, you’re a father. To several hundred kids.

28.  Ender’s Game – The book was better

29.  Sapphires – Light fluff based on history.  A group of aboriginal girls go off to Vietnam to sing for the troops.

30.  Oz the Great and Powerful – Big fluff prequel to The Wizard of Oz.  Visually big, tepid plot.

31.  Thor:  The Dark World – I like Thor.  But I think he was more Thor in the first Thor.  Wasn’t awful, just didn’t have the same charm.

32.  Man of Steel – If you don’t like the whoosh of watching Superman fly, then you might be super freaking bored.

33.  Geography Club – This film probably should be ranked higher.  I’m over my hatred of Kevin Land, just had to read more of the books for that redemption.  I can safely recommend this for guys who think the boys in the trailer are cute.  In fact, I probably should revise this ranking.  Don’t have enough time to do it today though.

34.  The Incredible Burt Wonderstone – I remember the gag, but I don’t remember anything that makes me want to see this movie again.

35.  We’re the Millers – All I can see is the allergic reaction to the insect bite on the young lad’s scrotum.

36.  The Angel’s Share – Wasn’t bad.

37.  Beautiful Creatures – Could have been worse.

38.  The Spectacular Now – Why do people like this movie?  Bad things happen without consequence and that offends my sense of justice.

39.  Planes – I spent money on this.  That offends me.

40.  The Wolverine – I wish this movie had a plot twist and wasn’t so flipping predictable.

41.  The Lone Ranger – I wanted to like this movie, but they lost me in the big train sequence.

42.  Iron Man 3 (3D) – THIS MOVIE NEEDS MORE IRON MAN SUITS. Said nobody.

43.  Warm Bodies – This movie suffered from the attention brought to it from the author of the book.  Also, it’s just Romeo and Juliet with zombies.  But it’s not an awful film.

44.  The Mortal Instruments:  City of Bones – Did this film have any redeeming value?  Oh right, the annoying irish boy from Misfits.

45.  The Host – Hated this movie and I fell asleep in it.  Apparently didn’t sleep enough.

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