Dealing With Angry People: A Survival Guide
By Dr. Tony Fiore

Tips on dealing with angry people.

Anger seems to be part of everyday life - at work, sports, on the road, at home.

How to deal with angry people can help you improve relationships and restore sanity.

dealing with angry people

Dealing with angry people in our society is becoming increasingly challenging.



As an alternative when dealing with angry people, this survival guide is designed to provide practical tips on how to deal with two types of angry people in your life:

  1. explosive people who might be dangerous
  2. people who are chronically angry toward you.


    Respond instead with a non-hostile message when dealing with angry people to defuse people who are behaving in a hostile manner toward you. The classic example of this is in when simple inconsiderate driving or even aggressive driving suddenly escalates into road rage due to two drivers ratcheting up hostility in response to the other's hostile acts, words, or gestures.
    Please remember that in dealing with angry people and other hostile situations, you contribute somewhat to the outcome by your decision to return hostility or not.
  2. Take their upset seriously and validate their feelings.
  3. Never argue with someone when they are intoxicated.
    When someone is drinking or intoxicated, this is no time to try to solve relationship or other problems (especially if you too have had a few drinks). A high percentage of angry confrontations as well spousal abuse arrests occur when drinking is involved by one or both partners. Drinking often impairs judgment, decreases inhibitions (resulting in saying things we don't mean), and distorts your normally astute reasoning ability. Dealing with angry people who are intoxicated is very difficult.
  5. On roadway, don't make eye contact with an aggressive driver.
  6. Allow angry people to physically escape the situation.
    Don't block their way or prevent egress, or you may be putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Take off the heat rather than increasing the pressure! Don't insist on solving the problem "now" when the other person is in an agitated state.
  7. Don't defend yourself by attacking back at them or their character flaws.
  8. Don't try to solve an emotional issue with logical arguments.
    Trying to diffuse an angry person with overwhelming evidence of their thinking errors or mistakes in logic, or facts to the contrary, or reasons for why they shouldn't feel the way they do, or why they should feel differently - usually makes the situation worse.


  1. Consider changing your behavior that triggers their anger.
    Sometimes the most practical thing to do is to change whatever it is that triggers anger in people close to you. Not that you should go overboard on this, but simple changes can do a lot, especially if they don't lower your self-esteem or don't "cost" you a lot to change.
  2. Think about terminating the relationship.
  3. Limit your time spent with them.
    A straight line is the shortest distance between two points. Sometimes the quickest way to find out why someone appears constantly angry with you is to simply ask them. This may not be so easy when dealing with angry people. They may not even realize they were communicating angrily toward you, so your inquiry may open up a great opportunity for dialogue.
  5. Communicate clearly how their negativity affects you.
  6. Adjust your expectations of them.
    People may be chronically angry toward you because you communicate that they are disappointing you in some way and they are perceiving you as overly critical. Adjusting those expectations you have toward others may result in their being less angry toward you! it is a way for you to take control of dealing with angry people.
  7. Stop trying to solve unsolvable problems in a relationship.
    According to some marital researchers, up to 60% of issues in a relationship are unsolvable due to the couple's being "gridlocked" around it. Trying to solve unsolvable problems creates much anger. Instead, find a way to dialogue about the issues and live with each other around them, rather than trying to fix them.

About the Author:

Dr. Tony Fiore is a licensed psychologist, marital therapist and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, offer classes, programs, and products to individuals and couples, including an innovative online anger management program. Dr. Fiore can be reached at 714-771-0378 or visit his website at

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