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Inova Fairfax Hospital

Inova Children's Hospital

Disciplining Your Toddler


Our beloved little ones test our nerves because they're testing boundaries all around them. Every day, little by little, they're mastering new skills, and are anxious and excited to use them.



Be Consistent



Eliminate Temptation

By now, you've figured out that your toddler wants to explore and investigate the world. Toddlers are naturally curious, so it's wise to eliminate temptations whenever possible. That means keeping things like TVs, phones, and electronics out of reach. Also beware of choking hazards like jewelry, buttons, and small items that kids can put in their mouths.

And always keep cleaning supplies and medicines stored safely away where kids can't get to them.

Use Distraction


It's important to not spank, hit, or slap your child. At this age, kids are unlikely to be able to make a connection between the behavior and physical punishment. The message you send when you spank is that it's OK to hit someone when you're angry. Experts say that spanking is no more effective than other forms of discipline, such as timeouts.

Practice Timeout


As a general rule, about 1 minute per year of age is a good guide for timeouts. Longer timeouts have no added benefit. And they could undermine your efforts if your child gets up (and refuses to return) before you signal that the timeout has ended.

Be sure that the timeout area is away from distractions such as toys or TV, and that you do not provide your child with any attention (talking, eye contact) while they're sitting in timeout.

How to Avoid Temper Tantrums


Toddlers get frustrated in other ways too, like when they can't dress a doll or keep up with an older sibling. Power struggles can come when your toddler wants more independence and autonomy too soon.

The best way to deal with tantrums is to avoid them, whenever possible. Here are some tips that may help:

  • Make sure your child isn't acting up to get attention. Establish a habit of catching your child being good ("time-in"), which means rewarding your little one with attention for positive behavior.
  • When kids are playing or trying to master a new task, offer age-appropriate toys and games. Also, start with something easy before moving on to more challenging tasks. This will build their confidence and motivation to try things that might be frustrating.
  • Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? If not, try to be flexible.

When Tempers Flare


Children seek attention from their parents, and an easy way to get a big reaction is to misbehave. One of the best ways to reduce attention-seeking behavior is to ignore it. Continue your activities, paying no attention to your child but remaining within sight.

Keep in mind that when you do this, your child's behavior may get worse before it gets better. This can be frustrating, but it means that ignoring the tantrum is working. Your child will try harder to get your attention with misbehavior because it has worked in the past. When your child learns that misbehaving won't get your attention, the behavior will start to improve.

Note: Kids who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. Ignoring is not an appropriate way of handling aggressive or dangerous behavior.

Some kids will have a hard time stopping a tantrum. In these cases, try saying, "I'll help you settle down now." But whatever you do, don't reward your toddler by giving in. This will only prove that tantrums are an effective way to get what he or she wants. Instead, verbally praise your child for regaining self-control. Remember, you want to teach your child that the best way to get what he or she wants is through good behavior.

As their language skills improve and they mature, kids become better at handling frustration, and tantrums are less likely. If you're having trouble handling temper tantrums or have any questions about discipline, ask your child's doctor for advice.

Date reviewed: August 2018