Volume 294 no. 3 / October 2004

Abu-Jamal, Mumia, as dreadlocked cause célèbre, 179

Akinola, Peter, Nigerian archbishop, as Anglican factionalist, 13

Ariès, Philippe, slightly discredited historian of childhood, 163

Ashanti, as neither Brandy nor Beyoncé, 106

Atatürk, Kemal, Turkish secularizer, Prussian tendencies of, 191

Baer, Neal, ER producer, as distinguished graduate of Colorado College, 130

Banks, Dennis, aim leader, as not Russell Banks, 106

Banks, Russell, novelist, as not Russell Means, 106

Barber, Michael, spurned Powell biographer, as "uninspiring figure," 163; as author of pretty good bad book, 163

Barbie, as totem of overwork, 171

Bean, Orson, as neither Orson Welles nor George Orwell, 103

Bin Laden, Osama, nuclear ambitions of, 58; popular support for, 59; as "person who's now been marginalized," 89; central role of in al-Qaeda, 89; escape of, 91—94; whereabouts of, 89—100; apparently healthy kidneys of, 90; as equestrian, 90; as "poor slave of God," 94; potential afterlife of, 100

Black, Cofer, former counterterrorism chief, as headhunter, 96—98; as non-Ahab, 98

Blakely, Ralph, kidnapper, sentencing chaos and, 50—53

Bovary, Charles, as chump, 175

Bovary, Emma, tongue of, 179

Bush, George, W., as divider, 39—40; Nixonian tendencies of, 39; "near dictatorial" prerogatives of, 40; Pakistan and, 60; rhetorical skills of, 62; lost year of, 68—84; as oversimplifier-in-chief, 82; echo chamber inhabited by, 73, 78—81, 84

Carrey, Jim, as "rampaging id," 196

Carville, James, as homunculus, 196

Castro, Fidel, impending demise of, 62

Chabon, Michael, novelist, short attention span of, 185

Cheney, Dick, lapsed competence of, 70

Cipriani Thorne, Juan Luis, as Peruvian potential Pope, 59; as basketball star, 59

Clarke, Richard, unwelcome candor of, 71

Clinton, Bill, as Bush adviser, 39; as divided uniter, 40; as "Great Triangulator," 179; as organic gardener, 198; DNA of, 206

Cohen, Katherine, admissions consultant, as "$28,995 Tutor," 138; as "snake-oil salesman," 138

Crick, Francis, DNA don, as militant atheist, 206—207; as accidental pantheist, 207; as prospective pimp, 207

Dale, Stacy Berg, economist, on potential uselessness of elite education, 128—129

Deacon, Charles, Georgetown dean, as anti-"craziness" hardliner, 138; stingy wait-list maintained by, 122

Edwards, Elizabeth, as girl next door, 46; as Wendy's patron, 44

Einstein, Albert, as humanitarian, 188; as "Satanic imp," 188

Eliot, T. S., as "olde frostykins," 170

Escobar, Pablo, drug lord, cell-phone overages of, 99

Flaubert, Gustave, as poet, 180; as erotic landscaper, 179

Galen, Greek humour-ist, 196

Giuliani, Rudolph, perp walks and, 114; rumored loathing for Eliot Spitzer of, 110

Gornick, Vivian, sandpile of regret and, 173—174

Granholm, Jennifer, Michigan governor, as Democratic rising star, 108

Grasso, Richard, overcompensation of, 118

Greene, Graham, as dietitian, 196

Hanauer, Cathi, as "Bitch in the House," 165

Hawking, Stephen, as Emily Litella of theoretical astrophysics, 195

Heinz Kerry, Teresa, inoperative cookies of, 13; as tractor-pull debutante, 44; as "loose cannon," 44; exotic accent of, 44; as slumber-party mom, 46; as philanthropist, 48; as counter-heckler, 48

Heinz, H. John, late senator, as humble soup maker, 46

Hikmet, Nazim, unofficial poet laureate of Turkey, 191; as exile, 191

Hussein, Saddam, as once charismatic-seeming strongman, 193; demystification of, 100; as distraction, 68—84, 94

Idema, Jonathan "Jack," former Green Beret, as freelance anti-terrorism commando, 100; checkered past of, 100

Jaruzelski, Wojciech, Polish strongman, as potential post-Castro template, 62

Jones, Daniel, as "Bastard on the Couch," 165

Kaczorowski, John, labor leader, Methuselan eyes of, 116; on lost rosiness of Buffalo, 118

Karzai, Hamid, Afghan President, electoral prospects of, 13

Kerry, John, as divided uniter, 40; marital pants of, 44; as fine wine, 48

Khan, Abdul Qadeer, Pakistani nuclear scientist, as black-marketeer, 58

Klemperer, Victor, as Holocaust diarist, 106

Klemperer, Werner, as Colonel Klink, 106

Langone, Ken, Home Depot co-founder, as no Lloyd Bentsen, 118

Leana, Frank, admissions consultant, soothing Dick Cheneyan mien of, 136

Lincoln, Abraham, as fellow sufferer with Osama bin Laden, 90—91; poll-tested beard of, 110

Lindsey, Lawrence, former White House economic adviser, loose lips of, 70

Litella, Emily, on plight of Soviet jewelry, 195; on Puerto Rican steakhood, 195

Lovejoy, Reverend, Simpsons cleric, as papal long shot, 59

Majors, Lee, as ur–TV star, 106

Mauldon, Margaret, curiously casual Flaubert translator, 175—184; cracked kettledrums and, 182

Montalban, Ricardo, as generic Latin heartthrob, 106

Moody, William Vaughn, on perils of nineteenth-century outsourcing, 196

Moore, Roger, as bygone Bond, 103; as not Michael Moore, 103

Morgan, Charles, forgotten English novelist, as dim bulb, 175

Musharraf, Pervez, unsteady hand of, 58—60, 96; as assassination target, 59, 89, 96; as nuclear weak link, 58—60

Pamuk, Orhan, Turkish novelist, as Bush speechwriter, 188; as Kurdish-rights advocate, 188; heavy-handed playfulness of, 191—193

Parkinson, Norman, fashion revolutionary, as unbolter of beautiful knees, 161

Patmore, Coventry, Victorian poet, as champion of feminine self-sacrifice, 166; as poodle, 166

Plath, Sylvia, ominous blurb of, 170

Poch, Bruce, Pomona dean, colorful metaphors of, 137—140

Poe, Edgar Allan, deceptive non-brilliance of, 175

Pope, Laurence, diplomat, on Beltway monomania, 81; on broken crockery, 73

Porter, Cole, as biochemist, 207

Powell, Anthony, as elaborately unrevealing memoirist, 163; as difficult biography subject, 163

Powell, Colin, bureaucratic losing streak of, 70; golden rule of pre-emption as explicated by, 79

Qutb, Sayyid, as jihadi Lenin, 100

Reagan, Ronald, as divided uniter, 40; as de-federalizer, 112—115

Roosevelt, Theodore, as trust-buster, 112; as conservationist, 112; as man of labor, 112; contested legacy of, 112, 118

Roth, Philip, as wizard of id, 196

Rumsfeld, Donald, lapsed competence of, 70; transformation doctrine of, 76; memos of, 79, 84; tin mouth of, 84

Scheuer, Michael, CIA veteran, as "Anonymous," 80; as "Mike," 80; on dangerous myopia of "why they hate us," 82

Schwarzenegger, Arnold, as papal long shot, 59

Shinseki, Eric, retired general, unwelcome candor of, 71

Smith, Roger, former GM president, as Michael Moore bête noire, 103; as not James Bond, 103

Spielberg, Steven, as film-school reject, 130

Spitzer, Eliot, New York attorney general, as Democratic rising star, 108—118; balding virility of, 110; as "student-council weenie," 111; as Knicks fan, 111; as bastard child of Reagan, 114; as Moses, 108; as TR disciple, 112—115; minivan of, 110; as teenage wonk, 110; as trust-buster, 112—115; as Batman, 114

Tolstoy, Leo, carelessness of, 175

Trevor, William, as chronicler of teapot, toast, and turf, 185

Van Ogtrop, Kristin, real complicated home life of, 168; Real Simple work life of, 168

Vremkin, David, fictional Middle East historian, 148

Waters, Alice, organic entrepreneur, as presidential adviser, 198—199

Watson, Dwight, would-be tractor bomber, as "one-man weapon of mass destruction," 50; slapped wrist of, 50

Wells, H. G., as science-fictiony Englishman, 103; as not George Orwell, 103

Wolfowitz, Paul, lapsed competence of, 70

Woolf, Virginia, as pre-dot-com Amazon, 171; Atlantic rejection of, 170; as "you-go girl," 171; ironic unfulfillment of, 171
