Ode to Casey’s General Store.


Whenever I’m in Casey’s, or any other store

That sells the kind of snacks enjoyed by jaded omnivore,

I can’t help feeling guilty – as if I’d been remiss

In chewing on a Slim Jim and guzzling  Swiss Miss.


Do not these staples power metabolites and germs

That in our track intestinal neutralize pin worms?

Surely drinking Snapple does elevate the mind,

And can blood sugar levels be very far behind?


I hear tell they have gasoline somewhere or other, too;

But all I want is Copenhagen for a luscious chew.

Convenience stores are just the place to get a healthy meal;

And if you are believing that, you are a big schlemiel.

What Do You Do With an Old TV?



Throwing out a TV is not easy nowadays;

The EPA determines all the means and all the ways.

If you toss it in a field where weather breaks it down

You are liable to a fine (or maybe just a frown).


No one wants an old TV; they’re orphans in the storm.

Heavy metals in them might begin to pool or swarm.

Cathode tubes and diodes and a bunch of other stuff

Could explode or radiate and turn your brain to fluff.


If we shot our TVs into deepest outer space

It might be seen as act of war by some green alien race.

So my advice is take your old TVs – computers, too –

And grind them into Copenhagen snuff for dolts to chew.