Tag: society

Three ways to beat the trap of comparison…

Image result for comparison is the thief of joy quote

We live in a world where there is stiff competition in every aspect of our lives. There is always someone who is doing the things we want to do and from our limited perspective, they look like they are doing it better than us.  So often, we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with our peers. We are always on a clock that is socially constructed and we compare ourselves with each other based on this social timeline. It is a mental trap because it is the thought in our heads whenever we see someone else doing what we wish we could be doing, and it can be toxic if uncontrolled. It can turn into jealousy, low self-esteem, self-hate and even depression.

In the world of academia, this often leads to a phenomenon called imposter syndrome:

impostor syndrome
noun: imposter syndrome
    “people suffering from impostor syndrome may be at increased risk of anxiety”

When I was in grad school, I got caught up in the cycle of comparison and it often made me feel like an imposter.  Even now post-PhD, I find myself looking at my peers and it looks like they are doing better than I am doing. I even caught myself comparing myself with students who are just beginning their academic journey and feeling like they were better off because they seem to have more support than I ever did. The truth is this comparison is not helpful or productive, but it is also human nature. So, I don’t beat myself up about it. However, I do want to view myself in a way that is actually beneficial and not detrimental to my mental health, and comparing myself with others is not the way to do it.

Here are three of the ways to beat the comparison trap:

  • To celebrate others.

I want to try this instead of comparing myself with anyone. When you celebrate others, you are saying that “we all have different talents and it’s this person’s turn to shine so I am going to celebrate them without looking at my own circumstance.”  That reframes the narrative. I believe we all want to be surrounded by people who celebrate us and not compete with us. If one of us has a victory, we are all winning.

  •  Limiting social media

Social media is the best place to fall into the comparison trap, particularly Instagram where everyone is portraying their best lives and Twitter, where everyone is self-promoting. Limiting your time on these platforms might be one of the ways to stay grounded in your own reality and not allowing people (often strangers) to dictate how your life should look, where you should be and how you should be living.  If scrolling on social media for hours on end leaves you feeling drained, you are probably falling into the comparison trap. I recently looked at the type of people I follow because I realised this was also important. What is your timeline feeding you? Are you following people who live realistic lives, who post motivating stuff or it is the opposite? Some people feed off the “glamorous” lives posted on social media, but how real is it really?

  • Seeing myself the way God sees me,

That means that there is no way I can think of myself as less than capable. The word of God tells me that I am created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God sees me as an amazing and talented individual, so that is who I am. It is all about FAITH and you can believe that too. The next time I am tempted to compare myself with someone else, I just have to remind myself that I am capable of doing all that I set my mind to. This may not be my time, but in due season, I will shine as I am meant to shine.

I only wrote about three ways but I am sure there are many more ways to stop comparing ourselves with others. Let me know some of the ways that work for you down below.

Happy Monday!!


“You must be rich to study in Hong Kong”…



Image credit…bitmoji app






Image credit: bitmoji app


“Hong Kong culture more classist than racist”














I used to write…

I used to write…so freely and with pride, I would let my words fill a page. I took it for granted that my words would always flow so freely.

I used to write…about anything my mind pondered upon, my reflections, dreams and thoughts. I always thought these would always be available.

When I used to write, my mind was innocent. I was just a writer, wanting to share with whoever cares to read. I wrote for the lovers of the written word. I always thought this passion would always bring me back when I lose my way.

What happens to passion that is not allowed to grow? Passion that is controlled or tamed… Real passion or love is supposed to be beyond control, released or felt with wild abandon.

For the first time I felt my passion fading slowly. It slipped through me and I held on to it with all my might, but it was being pulled from me violently.

My love for writing was no longer a freedom I could enjoy. How could I when I was no longer free?

My mind could no longer be freely expressed, my words strangled by censorship…both my own and that of the world around me. I allowed conformity to distort my free will.

When you can no longer write what you feel, what your eyes behold and what your beliefs may be, then what is there to write about?

When there is too much going on around you to the point that you cannot pick a single point of focus…to the writer’s mind it is anarchy, it is a destructive force, killing creativity and passion.

When you can no longer be objective, for who can write from the heart and write lies?

I lost my passion for writing until I remembered that I used to write…

I remembered why I used to write and why it meant so much to me and to my world.

And my passion could no longer be tamed or controlled!!!

Why I am a feminist…


For me, feminism is about justice. I’m a feminist because I want to live in a world that is more just. I’m a feminist because I want to live in a world where a woman is never told that she can or cannot—or should or should not—do anything because she’s a woman. I want to live in a world where men and women are happier, where they’re not constrained by gender roles. I want to live in a world where men and women are truly equal, and that’s why I’m a feminist.  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichiecropped-img_20140905_212111.jpg 

I found this so inspiring and thought to share…




A bit of boring background…


First some clarity on what I am talking about…



Education-to-work transition


Living transition


Domestic transition




Happy weekend ♥

“What do you think you’re doing talking about us in this way?”


“In 1990 I was invited to give a paper on disability research to a conference of academic researchers in Sweden and this gave me the opportunity to reflect on the issues involved. To this day I remember entering the conference room on the first morning with the other researchers, none of whom were disabled, and finding the words ‘what do you think you are doing talking about us in this way?’ written on the board. No-one except me thought it referred to us; those who even noticed the comment at all simply assumed the board hadn’t been cleaned by whoever had used it the day before.

What did we think we were doing: pursuing knowledge for the benefit of humankind? Informing policy and practice? Helping disabled people? Building networks? Developing our own careers? Having a freebie at someone else’s expense? All of those things probably and more; but also much less.”(Oliver 1997:15)

This was a class assignment in the research module of the Masters in Social Policy I am taking. The question asked the learners to describe the role of the researcher in emancipatory research. I have decided to publish this because I feel it has huge implications for society and I found the above excerpt very interesting and thought provoking. I wrote a much more academic article for marking but this is another personal evaluation of the topic and not at all subject to academic grading. It is my personal view. 

After reading the above excerpt I thought what a good observation. So often society assumes that we are doing things for the benefit of others when in actual fact we have not consulted the “other” about whether that is what they actually need. We spend thousands, and for those big foundations, millions of money on conferences and projects for different groups of society that we think are in need. The statement also implies the presence of “us” and “them” which already signifies the divisive nature of society.

Is true emancipation of oppressed groups a realistic goal or an impossible dream? How do you seek to empower someone unless you have consulted with them and together concluded that they are indeed seeking what you as a “helper” seek for them? How many times do policy makers and “concerned” citizens do things “for” and not “with” the people they seek to assist? Who is really benefiting from our well meaning acts? Where is the voice of the marginalized in the policies we are making? Where are our motivations coming from? Because it is not enough to congregate and discuss what we think are the solutions to the world’s problems without proper consultation with those affected. We might actually do more harm than good because what we perceive may be so far from the truth.

Do not begin to assume you know the full extent of someone’s problem if you have never walked a mile in their shoes. There is more to the personal experience than can be described. Assuming that we know people’s needs or what is right for them is downright patronizing. The question above has surely given me cause to pose before I think a certain intervention is what my client needs without hearing from them how they propose to solve the quandary they may find themselves in. This is a basic core of social work “helping individuals to help themselves”. First year of college basics.

I just wonder if anyone actually found an answer to that question “What do you think you are doing talking about us in this way”? What would you even say? Um.. we thought that these bulleted points on our written strategy that we have been working on for weeks/months/years are just what you need to solve the problem of disability/poverty/…any perceived lack of something. Most of the findings are actually based on research but I stand by my view that nothing beats the subjective experience.

I fully understand the extent of hopelessness that marginalized groups may feel. Who marginalizes them? Who emancipates them? Emancipation in most cases is a very expensive commodity. How do you emancipate yourself with no resources or income to do so? So the “haves”make it their mandate to provide what they think is needed but there must be another way to do it without making the “have nots” feel further disadvantaged and offended. Our terminology alone is discriminatory, socially constructed to create “otherness”. Disability/poverty/lack…are all man-made terms. We are all human and we are all capable until someone tells us we are not!!!

It’s worth a thought…