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29 April 2005




Super-charged subject, isn't it?

I wish I could trade places with some people. I wish that they could be made to understand what it is like to be me. There are two ways a person will respond to critism, positively or negatively. Not exactly rocket science. But it's also not so cut and dry.

Those that respond positively exercise, eat "right" for them, and live their life. Those that respond negatively, over exercise, eat right but hate every bite, binge/purge, or simply refuse to eat, they also spend their time looking in the mirror criticizing the image before them, real or not. Some even shell out thousands of dollars for boob jobs, butt lifts, tummy tucks, nose jobs, collagen lips and other invasive, mood altering, image changing surgeries. That's all okay, but the minute someone talks about a gastric bypass people get condescending.

Then there are people like me. People tend to view my "problem" through their own eyes and experience. They think that my over-eating is just like their once a month splurge on overdrive, that I can just stop and all will be well. They figure that if THEY can control themselves and have a workable exercise regimen, then *I* can, too. Look, if it were that easy, I would have DONE IT!!!

I think about food ALL THE TIME. When I'm not eating I think about what I can eat. When I'm driving I think about what I can eat when I get to where I'm going. When I'm sitting at the computer I'm thinking about what is in my cupboards and fridge. If I don't have what I want I will go to the grocer and get it. After breakfast I'm planning lunch and dinner. I'm OBSESSED with food. I hate exercise (except swimming). I cannot eat a handful of chips, I eat the whole bag. I cannot limit myself to 12 crackers, I eat the whole box in one sitting. I can't eat just a piece or two of pizza, I eat a half of a large or a whole medium. I don't stop at a piece of bread, my husband and I split a loaf (mmm...fresh baked bread).


Eating heathy isn't like giving up illicit drugs. You can live without drugs, you can't live without eating. Can you imagine telling a marijuana smoker, "you just need to have some willpower, dude. Just one toke, dude, you don't need the whole joint." Or the heroin addict, "don't shoot up so much, just small amounts friend, you don't over do it."

As a former cigarette smoker I can tell you that giving up cigarettes was one of the easiest things I have ever done. I simply don't smoke.

I can't simply not eat.

I'm looking for my appestat. I honestly think it's either broken or I just don't have one.

So here I am. Anyone know a repairman? ;-)


I think that it's very true that people who don't experience this really, really don't understand it. They just don't. They have NO IDEA.

And that's an enormous disconnect between them and us, that I have no idea how to bridge. And they keep on with their ridiculous and completely useless recommendations of eating more, exercising less.

Dude, I'm fat, not an idiot. Knowing what to do IS NOT THE PROBLEM. Get a clue.

Michelle Bernard

Interesting Christie, I would have never know. I guess we all have our food crosses to bear. I am not overweight nor do I crave food all day, but I do have difficulty with sugar which leads to a more deadly craving for alcohol. I have tried numerous things to work through that. Maybe one day I'll find the right combination.

Thank you for sharing.


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