The Snoring Man


It had been an early morning with a long day to accompany it.

Charlotte was my final destination for the day. There was nowhere else to go, save for some exploration after I had my nap.

Yes, a nap. A glorious, no alarm set (which always gets me in trouble) afternoon nap.

There would be no laying on top of the covers, and no other clothes besides pajamas would do. 

Everything was just as it was meant to be. 

Until I heard it.

The obviously also exhausted man in the room next to me.

Snoring in a way that, though muffled through the wall, was rhythmic enough to drive me to lose my mind. Like Hook when he hears ticking clocks.

There was some tossing and turning initially. Fleeting thoughts of regret that I held no ear plugs in my possession. The attempt to ignore it.

And then, when all of those things fail - delirious frustration.

I waited a really long time before I knocked on the wall. I promise. I did. Of course, I wanted this man to enjoy his nap, too. I just thought he might wake up feeling more refreshed if he slept from then on with his mouth closed.

So I hit the wall a couple of times, and then laid back down.

Nothing. It did. Nothing. Still snoring. And on top of that, I started hearing a crazy and obnoxious sound of birds. BIRDS.

It was too much. My sanity was dwindling.

This was out of my control. This was out of my hands. It was time to call the concierge.

Front Desk: How may I help you?

Fran: Hiii. I wasn't going to call, but I am kind of out of ideas and thought you might have a suggestion. There is a man in the room next to me that is snoring really loudly and it's distracting and I'm not sure what to do.

Front Desk: I'm so sorry to hear that - we might be able to send someone up to knock on his door.

Fran: I feel bad doing that, but I am not sure what else would work. And I know this sounds really weird, but on top of the snoring I hear this weird bird sound. Like the man has a bird in his room.

Front Desk: Oooh.

Fran: Do you know of someone that is keeping a bird in their room?

Front Desk: Ma'am...are you sure the snoring isn't the sound of the ocean?

Fran: What? (thinking: we are in DOWNTOWN CHARLOTTE).

Front Desk: Your alarm clock is going off, and it's on the ocean setting. So you're hearing ocean waves and seagulls.

Fran: Oh...that..

And then, I ran away.



  1. Oh, Fran. This is so endearing. I miss you, girl!

  2. I almost peed my pants!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!

  3. And this...this is exactly why I save your blog for last...OH MY! I love it!

  4. I still don't understand how I didn't realize the sound was in my own room, guys.

  5. bahahahahahahahahaha I have no words for how wonderful this is!!

  6. Perhaps the funniest story ever? Definitely top 10!

  7. haha!! does bryan snore? or own birds? or weird alarm clocks?