A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

He's a Better Mommy Than Me

When my husband asked me out, he started the conversation by asking if I'd ever dated a cook. I think that he had no intention of being my cook for life, but here we are 10 years later and guess who is the cook in the house? Yeah you've heard it before.
He's also a Stay At Home Dad.
And I'm not sure how this qualifies as NOT BEING A JOB but to hear anyone who we tell that this is what he does, apparently he doesn't work.
He doesn't care for our children all day. He isn't the one who taught them everything, from sitting up and rolling over to walking and talking. He isn't the one who changes diapers all day, who makes sure we read enough books, who balances the meals. He isn't the one who goes into the puke covered bedroom while I take the child away to wash, cleaning puke out of the crevices and nooks and crannies. He surely didn't just spend this morning cleaning poop out of the four corners of the kids room because the stomach flu that is ravaging our house caused one kids diaper to explode in the wee hours.

Tell a stay at home mom she doesn't work, and the forces of FEMINISM would rally in force. There would be hundreds of posts SCREECHING sexism if a Stay at Home Mom was asked "When was she going to get a real job" plus about 100 comments on "that's right and one time THIS HAPPENED TO ME X Y Z...."

But tell a man he's supposed get a job, and no one says much of anything.

Guess what folks?

He works hard. Sit next to me in a restaurant. At the end of your meal when you suddenly realize that there are 3 children 4 and under sitting next to you that you never heard a peep out of, it's because of HIM. Go anywhere with us, amazed at how these little rats behave? It's because their primary caregiver has HIGH expectations and parents effectively.

And he's their DAD.

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but he IS a better Mommy that me. He's more consistent. He sets boundaries. He provides routine and balance. I'm like a "traditional" dad - bring me my drink and if no one is dead I'm okay with it.

But the next person who says he doesn't work is going to get a screaming rant of
SEXISM tossed at them by this post-feminist believer.


Alison said...

We pulled our kids out of daycare in June and decided to have Jeromy stay home with them as an experiment. We love it! We're all happier and less stressed out & there's less running around, and he's doing such a good job (so much better than I would do if I were the at-home parent) .. and yet. And yet, when you talk to people that you haven't seen in awhile, and they say, "What's Jeromy doing now?" And you say he's staying home with the kids, they just get silent. Like they're waiting for you to say something else. Like that can't be the full answer. Of course he is still doing some side jobs in the evenings and on weekends, but that's not his full-time job right now. His full-time job right now is staying home with our boys. Why isn't that enough? For me, it's so much MORE than enough.

frank said...

Thanks, Baby! (BTW, I think you're the best mommy on earth.)

Elizabeth said...

Dude, stay at home Dads are HOT! LOL Quick story-we picked Chris up from work the other day, and a couple of his (female) co-workers were sitting outside on their break. They were watching the kids running around, and one of them said to me, "no wonder Chris is so patient with us"! I looked her right in the eye and told her that he is a better parent than I am most of the time. He is infinitely more patient, better at making and enforcing rules, and he's a much better housekeeper than me!

Lumpyheadsmom said...

Hear hear! (clap clap clap)

The only appropriate response to "my husband stays home with the kids" is "That's great!"

I also accept a heartfelt "That's so cool!"

When someone goes silent or says something stupid, I try to snicker at them a little. The same way you would snicker at a toddler who just announced that his mommy farts at the dinner table. A little, patronizing giggle.

It usually makes them both embarrassed and uncomfortable. Think of it as a joke that all of us with stay-home spouses share.