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Rapto-velocity is the speed at which the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor can fly into the air, sail amidst the clouds, and decimate an entire village. Alternately, it is the speed at which the production of the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor drives the United States further into debt. The highest recorded raptor-velocity is 24 seconds, achieved during the Iraq War over the peaceful village of Al-Imor, murdering 260 civilians and costing the United States 3 billion dollars in bombs and fuel.

The Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor is a ludicrously costly and efficient mass killing machine. It has a powerful subsonic radar that can spot out enemy aircraft from over 20 miles, has homing missiles that can hit a thumbtack from 16,000 feet away, and a bomb bay that holds over 65 state of the art mini-nukes, or "mooks." All-in-all, a single Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor costs over 16 billion dollars, and can kill over 350 people per minute when fully armed. (Full article...)

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August 10: Vatican Mardi Gras
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Biden selects Strong Woman as running mate
"I'm a woman, yes. I'm strong. I'm Strong Woman."

Of the precise fortune? Questionate Grunt!

Aknowledge of you...
*... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
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Lake Titicaca
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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