5 Times Your Jealousy Is Totally Justified

When Your Jealousy Is Justified
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Is the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head? It's completely normal to feel jealous from time to time, even if you're usually pretty confident and secure in your relationship. What's tricky is figuring out if you really have something to worry about. 

"Jealousy may serve as your intuition telling you something is wrong," says Kat Van Kirk, PhD, licensed marriage and sex therapist. "This is especially true for people who aren't normally the 'jealous type.' " On the other hand, that nagging feeling could just mean that your brain is in overdrive. To feel better, some people simply need to look inside themselves and realize that they're overreacting or being hypersensitive. If you're someone who has always second-guessed yourself and your relationships, that might very well be the case.

Which brings us to the million dollar question: How do you know if your jealousy is justified? Here are a few envy-inducing scenarios that might signal serious bumps ahead. (Want to pick up some healthier habits? Sign up to get healthy living tips delivered straight to your inbox!)

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You're on a date and your partner spends a ton of time talking to another woman.
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Does he smile at the waitress or nod politely at the women sitting at the next table? Relax. But if he spends half the evening chatting up the waitstaff or other patrons, then something is amiss. "He should be making you feel important and like you're No. 1, always," says Jane Greer, PhD, a New York–based relationship expert and author of How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal. If you're dating someone new, you may need to get to know each other better to figure out if this is a pattern or just a fluke. But with your long-term guy, you need to speak up: "Tell him that you sometimes wind up feeling unimportant and neglected," suggests Greer. Then hope that he shapes up fast.

MORE: 10 Little Things Connected Couples Do

He's spending less and less time at home.
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If your husband says he has to work late yet again, it's not necessarily a red flag. But combine it with other suspicious activities—texts he won't explain, unaccounted-for charges on the credit card—and it's a totally different story, says Van Kirk. And while there's nothing wrong with him taking up a new activity (that doesn't include you) or occasionally going out with the guys, you should be wary if his new hobbies are majorly impinging on your time together. Any change in behavior can be a red flag. (Here's how your relationship changes after cheating.)

You're physically together, but his attention is elsewhere.
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Whether you're at a restaurant or at your own dinner table, "phones should be away unless one of you is in the middle of a crisis that you need to be on call for," says Greer. A guy who stays glued to his smartphone is one who's not focused on you. "You have every right to say something about it," says Greer. If the behavior doesn't change, it might very well be a sign that he doesn't value your time together as much as you do.

He's very flirty with other women.
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Some men (and women) are just more touchy-feely than others, but that doesn't mean it's OK if it rubs you the wrong way. If he seems to be flirting with everyone but you, point it out and ask if there's something you both could be doing to get the spark back. "Look how to bridge the gap between the two of you," says Greer. Meanwhile, if your partner seems to be flirting with only one particular person (i.e., not you), that's definitely a problem as it might mean he's zeroing in on someone new.

MORE: This Is What It's Really Like To Be In A Sexless Marriage

Things just don't add up.
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Maybe he isn't where he says he will be, stops telling you about what's going on with his friends or at work, or just generally seems apathetic. If there are multiple signs that something is going on behind your back, it probably is, says Van Kirk. Whether you try to fix it or just walk away is up to you, but know that the relationship can only be saved if you're both really invested. "Your partner will need to get real about his motives and what he feels like he's missing in your relationship, while you'll need to learn to trust and forgive while also looking at how you may have contributed to the situation," says Van Kirk.

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