Posted in Donald Trump, satire/humor

President Trump To Michelle Obama : ‘I Will Never Forgive Obama For Destroying Our Military’

President Trump’s incoherent ‘I’ll never forgive Obama’ rant.

In response to Michelle Obama’s new book , in which she said she would never forgive Trump for his role in birtherism , president Trump told reporters on the White House lawn before leaving for a trip to Paris , that he would never forgive Obama for decimating the military , and for other horrible things he had supposedly done.

“Michelle Obama said what? I haven’t really seen or heard anything about that. I guess she wrote a book or something , maybe a memoire , who knows , something she was paid a lot of money to do , I guess , in which she wrote something controversial?

“You want controversial? Here’s controversial for you. I will never forgive Obama for depleting our military , for destroying our military.”

CNN White House reporter , Abby Phillip : “The United States military has the largest spending budget compared to every other nation combined. It’s ridiculous to suggest that president Obama destroyed it.”

“Not really. It was completely depleted under Obama. It was completely destroyed. It wasn’t funded the way it should have been. It was so old and tired , it was so out of date , it was so worn out , everything was so old and falling apart it was almost as if Obama had dropped a bomb on it , it was so dishevelled. The equipment , the military equipment like the tanks , the planes , the ships , and the military vehicles , almost none of them worked anymore. They were literally falling apart from disuse , they were sitting out in fields gathering dust and rust from years of neglect , because Obama wasn’t spending any more money. The tanks and planes and the military vehicles that did work , Obama often abused for his own personal use , like taking his kids to school and parties , and taking Michelle to beauty salons at tax payers expense , instead of what they were really supposed to be used for , like blowing people up. It was disgraceful.

“But what he did to our men and women in uniform , to our soldiers and military leaders , was even more disgraceful. Their uniforms were also gathering dust , and they were moth-eaten , because Obama was too cheap to spend money on new uniforms. They often had to go into battle with their uniforms falling to shreds , and some even had to go naked because Obama was too cheap to spend a few bucks on uniforms for his own military. And if anyone dared complain , he would say to them , your fired. It was no coincidence that we had a record number of military leaders fired under Obama , because he fired them for complaining about having to wear moth eaten uniforms , having to fight naked , and Obama using military vehicles for his own personal taxi service.

“Even their equipment was falling apart. Their guns were often antiquated – is that the right word I’m looking for , who knows? – they looked like guns from the eighteen hundreds or something. And they often had no bullets. Often they would jam , or back fire into the faces of our brave men and women. And even though they had weapons , half the time they were ordered not to engage the enemy , because Obama told them that ISIS and Al Qaeda were already contained , and not a threat , so he had them all running in the other direction , away from the terrorists , away from ISIS , and Al Quaeda , because he was terrible at foreign policy , he had no idea what he was doing. Under Obama ISIS was allowed to terrorize the middle east , because , and let’s be truthful here , him and crooked Hillary were the founders of ISIS , and it made America very unsafe for you and me.

“But the most disgraceful thing of all , the one thing that bothered our troops the most , is the fact that they were not allowed to say Merry Christmas for eight years. It was disgraceful. Not only were they not allowed to say Merry Christmas , they couldn’t celebrate it because Obama hated Christmas like he hated everything else , including his own military.

” But I came in and fixed everything. I spent tremendous amounts of money on new military vehicles like tanks and planes and ships. I’m not a cheap skate like Obama. They’re no longer rotting in fields gathering dust and rust , they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing , blowing people up , and he’s not using them to take Michelle and the kids to Disneyland. He wants to , but I told him , no way , get outta here Obama , and I told him he wasn’t using them for his personal taxi service , and I think I hurt his feelings.

“And I spent a tremendous amounts of money on new uniforms. Our troops no longer have to wear uniforms that are falling apart or moth-eaten , or engage the enemy naked. I also spent tremendous amounts of money on new weapons and bullets. They no longer have to use weapons that don’t work , or blow up in their faces , they don’t have to run away like cowards , and nobody’s complaining because I’m making everything great again , and they’re so happy to be able to say Merry Christmas again.”