Failing Perception

Summer is coming to an end. The subtle hints of an emerging fall season are appearing. The edges of some leaves are browning. ESPN’s coverage of football is gaining momentum. College campuses are no longer ghost towns, but rather a chaotic mass of hopeful, eager, and scared students. Changing seasons often prompt people to make changes to live a little differently. A new beginning if you will. As a teacher and soccer coach, the beginning of the fall season brings mixed emotions. Teaching means the sadness of less time with my wife and kids, longing for less responsibilities, the excitement of helping other kids, the joy of seeing missed colleagues, and the worried energy of another unknown school year. Soccer means exhausting 6:00 am training sessions, intriguing talks of tactics and putting the right players in the right spots, hopeful opportunities to share knowledge with young players, and the thrill of being under the lights at Clothier Field.

Some new beginnings just happen; such is the case with the seasons changing. Some new beginnings demand tremendous effort; such is the case with new soccer seasons, starting a new school year, or trying to become happier/less angry/more patient/less worried/more compassionate/being healthier. These are the hard new beginnings. They are hard because they mean doing things differently. They are hard because the require effort and persistence. They are hard because we don’t know how they will unfold. And the unknown is often scary, anxiety-provoking, and unfamiliar; making it all too easy to return to what is comfortable and known. This is why new beginnings often fail before they start. We envision the amazing results of a desired future. Regrettably, when we stumble on the path of a new beginning for the first time our perfect vision moves out our grasp. When we stumble for the second time the vision continues to move and becomes blurry. By the time we’ve stumbled over and over again the vision becomes an unattainable, frustrating, and hopeless failure. Or does it? Is it really unattainable or have we made our mind up to give up even though success is still a possibility? (I feel compelled to be mention that repeated failures eventually signify failure. That is reality. But too often we succumb to failure well before we have put forth the proper effort and persistence.) If we had just persisted for another day, week, or month maybe we could begin to grasp that vision once more. And if we could grasp the vision, maybe we would feel renewed motivation to persist the next time we stumble. And if we persisted with each stumble, maybe we would feel that sense of pride that accompanies overcoming difficult times. And if we feel proud, maybe we would succeed and truly experience that original envisioned future, rather than it just remaining a vision.

There is a reason that successful people are said to “have vision.” Successful people maintain a clear vision of their desired future despite repeated failures. What is envisioned remains steady in the mind’s eye regardless of the peripheral noise and distractions. Successful people do experience the torture of naysayers, the self-doubt, and the challenges. However they limit the controlling power the naysayers, self-doubt, and challenges have over them.

As you start to entertain ideas of change and a new beginning, is it possible that you may be the biggest obstacle. You might come up with excuses that things get in the way, but that is only because you let them get in your way. If you have previously attempted to begin anew and failed, consider that your perception may be at the heart of the problem. A small change in your perception might lead to the envisioned path and not down the path of another frustrating failure.

Finally, how we talk to ourselves has a big impact, so consider the following: If you are attempting to make a change, try the simple, although challenging task to replace the word “problem” with “distraction” when talking to yourself. Problems can feel and therefore become overwhelming, thus problems are more likely to stop progress. On the other hand, distractions feel manageable, thus distractions are much easier to work through. Small changes like this can have a profound impact on perception, motivation, and whether see a new beginning through to its final end.

Don’t let your perception to lead to failure.

On the Fence of Maybe

We all struggle with the maybes of life. Maybe I should do something about my high
anxiety, maybe I need to break up with him/her, maybe I should propose, maybe
I should quit this awful job, maybe I should start thinking about how I’m getting in my
own way, maybe this depression is too much for me to manage, maybe I can be
happier. I hear it too often. “I loved your sport psychology presentation, I should
really start seeing you, that mindfulness stuff really makes sense, I worry too much/I’m too sad
I need to be in therapy…” Unfortunately these comments often remain abstract thoughts and
words, but never become a concrete action.

There are a myriad of positive reasons for seeing a therapist, but the negative reasons and
self-doubt which prevent someone from seeing me tend to be stronger. These
negative thoughts include, “What if someone I know sees me, opening up is too
difficult especially to a strange, what if I cannot be helped, it is going to
take too much time…” At the root of this issue is often the comfort of what is
familiar versus the fear of the unknown. A problem-filled life is more tolerable
when compared to the fear of a new life associated with entering into therapy.
However, I have found that most people who are apprehensive and fearful of
seeing me, quickly realize that the negative thoughts prior to going to a
therapist pale in comparison to the reality of therapy.

Which side of the maybe fence are you on? “Yes, it is time see
Ciarán” or “No I don’t think I can do it.” If you are struggling and leaning
toward no, consider the following examples:

-Some people are depressed, anxious, experiencing relationship
problems, and/or afraid of taking a risk, which contributes to an unhappy life.
Our problems vary from severe to mild. Either way when life is not satisfying,
we spend too much of time thinking about and trying to do something about our
problems. This constant thinking is distracting, worrisome, annoying, and
prevents us from enjoying the moment. This thinking sometimes helps us overcome;
but sometimes we need help from an expert. What if you replace the countless
hours and energy spent thinking about life problems with one hour of weekly
therapy? I’ve had too many people get 3-5 sessions into therapy and voice regret
of not coming into my office sooner.”

-Some people are struggling with their performance and it is not
due to a lack of talent. Many of today’s serious middle school, high school, and
college athletes can experience a day that includes two hours a day in the gym,
two hours practicing, an hour watching film, and an hour stretching/doing yoga.
That’s six hours of training your body in one day, while the mental side of
development is neglected. When I work with an athlete, it is usually for only
one hour a week and the positive impact often helps them reach the next level.

Are you sitting on the “fence of maybe?” If so, which side are
you leaning toward? Regardless of the path you chose, I hope this post helps you
get off the fence because the fence is uncomfortable when we stay there too long
and we cannot accomplish much when we are still on the fence. Get off the fence
and start moving toward your goals and a life worth living.

Preseason and Change

Many athletes are making final preparations for an eagerly awaited/dreaded preseason. They will soon find out if a summer spent on the track/road, repeating in drills, lifting in the gym, and training on the field will pay off. One common mental mistake made by athletes, as well as anyone looking to change (dieting, exercising, reading more, managing problematic emotions) comes from unrealistic goals, an unsupportive environment, dwindling motivation, and limited repetition. The book “Fully Present” by Smalley and Winston addresses these needs in order to make change a reality.

1. Make steps simple 
Athletes often set goals of a championship. One problem with this goal is we cannot see the results until the end of the season, or at least until a team is eliminated from the playoffs. I do however feel this can be a helpful goal as long as small goals are included, such as making steady progress by increasing the team’s goals per game average in the first three games of the season. Another example involves dieting. A goal of losing 15 pounds in the next six weeks sets up failure because the first slip up often causes someone to give up because 15 pounds and 6 weeks now can seem impossible. Instead, Smalley and Winston offer the following suggestions for keeping diet steps simple: putting your fork down with each bite, taking breaks during a meal, and eating fruit for dessert. In the end, a series of mini-successes allow for a person to move toward a goal, work through the inevitable failures, and enjoy the journey.  

2. Being in a supportive environment
Team sports provide an unusual backdrop for the conflict between competition and support. On one hand, you are forced to compete with teammates to make the team and earn a starting position. On the other hand, successful teams tend to be very supportive of each other. No other player feels the tension of this conflict more than the rookies. They have to compete and perform at the level of established players, but they also want to fit in. It’s quite a challenge to upstage upperclassmen and gain their support as well. The burden of managing this challenge falls on the coach and trickles down to the team leaders.

3. Motivation
As athletes step on the field, approach the starting block, or walk on the court for the first time in preseason, motivation is usually at an all time. They have thought about this moment while training in the off season and if they are lucky, the have the right balance of excitement, anxiety, curiosity, and confidence to be their best. However the grueling season is the perfect stage for the rollercoaster that is motivation. In a college season, motivation tends to proceed in the following direction: Motivation will drop toward the end of preseason, pick up before the first regular season game, then pick up before the first conference game, steadily decline as academic rigors increase, hit a low around midterms, pick up a little if playoffs are on the horizon, and finally it is a motivation crap shoot when the playoffs begin. It becomes crucial for each athlete to determine what they find both intrinsically and extrinsically motivating so they can call upon these incentives when needed. One suggestion is positive self talk. It is common and very easy to say negative things to yourself when motivation drops, which causes motivation to spiral downward.

4. Repetition
Smalley and Winston say creating a new habit requires repetition. You must have the determination, persistence, grit, and vision to see any form of behavioral change through. Some behaviors are easier to change than others. It is going to be much more difficult to stick with a diet if you’ve never maintained a healthy diet. It is going to be more difficult to become a team leader if you have never been a leader before. Repetition is closely tied to motivation. Repetition becomes stale, boring, and monotonous even with things you love. If goals are realistic and attainable, if you surround yourself with support, and if you use strategies to remain motivated, then repetition is bearable and change will eventually take place. 

Good luck in preseason. Remember to take a moment to enjoy the experience, because the season is short and there will be a time when you miss it all, even the worst parts of the experience. 

What Your Daydreaming Does For Performance.

I finally signed up for a twitter account. It allows me to follow some musicians, comedians, and psychology groups. Psychology Today is one group I’ve been following. It is a magazine focused on psychological topics, and I recent read an article entitled “How and Why You Daydream.” The article explores the details and research attached to daydreaming. For example, the article states, “For men, the more frequent their daydreams, the lower their life satisfaction. For women, vividness but not frequency was related to lower life satisfaction. For both genders, people who daydreamed about their close family and friends reported higher levels of life satisfaction.”

As a psychologist who frequently works with people trying to improve performance, the article spurred some thought. In my practice I encourage athletes to:

1. Learn from mistakes, but not dwell on them. Dwelling on mistakes lowers motivation, confidence, and overall performance.
2. Dwell on successes. This increases motivation, confidence, performance, and enjoyment.

The article caused me to realize how we process, relive, and think about performance is similar to daydreaming. Athletes, artists, and business professionals spend a lot of time reliving past experiences or envisions future tasks. This is equivalent to daydreaming and it has a tremendous impact on their motivation, confidence, performance, and enjoyment.

The next time you get lost in thought, whether it is during a meeting, lecture, game, on the beach, or before you fall asleep, take a moment and try to determine what purpose the daydreaming serves.

1. Does it allow simply let you to escape boredom or is there more to it?
2. Do you think that daydreaming about the worst case scenario better prepare you for the future?
3. Do your fantasies make you feel great by providing an opportunity to relive those great moments in life like scoring the game winning goal in a championship, presenting the perfect defense in a court of law, or that breath taking musical performance in front of a large crowd?
4. Is it a combination of reasons?

Are You Still Having Fun?

Are You Still Having Fun?


There is no hiding from the reality that youth sports are becoming increasingly professionalized. Kids are expected to play one sport year round, to be on the best team, and train with the best coaches in attempts to develop into next Tiger Woods, Leo Messi, or LeBron James. One of the most unfortunate outcomes of this reality is that kids are more likely to miss out on the original feeling that enticed them play the sport in the first place. Fun. It does not matter what level in which you are playing, youth or professional, fun is essential to success. Take NBA superstar Dwight Howard for example. He recently signed with the Houston Rockets after a brief stint with the LA Lakers. Why would the league’s premier center leave the Lakers who have a legacy of hall of fame big men in Wilt, Kareem, and Shaq? A lot of the behind the scene experts say Howard’s “I want to have fun playing” mentality strongly conflicted with Kobe Bryant’s leadership style and personality. As a result, Howard spent one year with the Lakers before leaving. Is it possible that Dwight Howard was not having fun in Los Angeles?


When working with athletes who experience burnout, lose the passion for the game, and are no longer having fun there is an initial inclination to help them persist and get through the tough time. However many coaches and parents ask, “What do I do when it is more than a “tough time” and my child/player really wants to quit?” My advice is to first consider their age because younger athletes need adults to be the decision makers often than not. But if it becomes apparent that the sport is more of a chore than a fun activity and this has been going on for a while, it is important to support the decision and help the child/adolescent find another activity/hobby/sport to pursue. Coaches and parents are sometimes conflicted because they have a responsibility to motivate and cultivate a good work ethic, which is why we push our children and players when they experience adversity. But it is ok to give up on an endeavors when it is more than temporary adversity or you might suggest a less demanding and involved sport schedule. Imagine having to spend a good portion of your time participating in something you have grown to despise? I can’t imagine your performance being anything than subpar.


I think back to a former player of mine who was thinking of quitting. My first response was, “Give it two weeks, get back to me, but understand that I’ll do everything in my power get you to see it through.” After some careful deliberation, I changed my approach. I told the player that I would support whatever he decided. You see, he was old enough and therefore capable of sifting through the pros and cons of the decision. Plus, as a coach, I don’t want players whose heart is no longer in it because their performance is going to suffer. It will suffer because they are no longer having fun.

Learning To Just Let It Go

Has overthinking a concern ever caused you to feel more anxious, depressed, stressed, drained, or distracted? Everyone faces the daily stress of paying bills/making ends meet, dealing with difficult work situations, trying to win an argument with a spouse, making the right decisions for your kids, planning events, or playing in a big game. Take a moment to think about your overthinking. Did you stick to your original plan or solution? Or did overthinking lead to a better alternative? Did overthinking result in a better, more relaxing life or did it lead to more stress and worry?

The problem lies in our difficulty with just letting go, which is explained through rumination. The original definition of rumination is when a portion of food returns from the stomach to be chewed for a second time, as with cows. The questions is why do we “chew” over these thoughts again and again? Why is it so difficult for us to “let it go?” There are a lot of reasons for why we ruminate, but there are two explanations I encounter most frequently. First, we are able to convince ourselves that overthinking a problem or source of stress will help reveal a better approach or solution to that problem. Of course there is some truth to this, but more often than not, the first approach or solution is the one we stick with. We are inclined to stick with the first solution because we are very skilled problem solvers. We efficiently take in all the available data and quickly formulate a plan. Second, and what I feel is the core reason for our unrelenting rumination, is because overthinking provides us with momentary comfort. Allow me to clarify. We are a culture of doers. We consistently praise hard work, persistence, and determination, while devaluing inactivity and laziness. As a result, when we are faced with a problem there is an almost subconscious sense of discomfort when we are not trying to think of a better solution. It makes us feel good when we ruminate. It makes us feel like we are accomplishing something by simply ruminating. We are uncomfortable when we do not ruminate because we feel worthless because we identify ourselves as being lazy and inactive.” It’s funny how we play these head games with ourselves, even if it is out of our awareness.

The lure of being able to come up with a better solution and the discomfort experienced when not thinking about a problem are why it is so difficult to “just let go” of worry. God forbid we develop a plan for a problem and not think about it again until we have to carry out the plan. But think about how better life might be without this self-created stress.

I’m not advocating for the elimination of rumination. We have to think about our problems, relationships, and job. The ability to identify a concern, problem solve, and plan for the future is what leads to success in life. What I am advocating for is increased awareness of when we begin to ruminate and a conscious decision to determine if rumination is necessary or detrimental.
Take Ed for example. Ed has to pitch an idea at work in one month. There is a lot riding on this pitch: a promotion, increased salary, and reputation to name a few. Ed’s strength is his ability to plan ahead and complete things well in advance, therefore he is finished with the pitch two weeks in advance. He has the presentation finished, he knows exactly what to say, and he is prepared for just about any questions that might be asked. Unfortunately his weakness is rumination. During the two weeks leading up to the pitch he overthinks and second guesses his presentation, a presentation that is already excellent. The rumination causes him to lose sleep, neglect other job responsibilities, eat poorly, not exercise, and constantly argue with colleagues and friends because he is stressed and irritable. In the end, since Ed is good at what he does, the pitch goes according to planned and he gets his promotion and maintains his stellar reputation. But what if Ed learned to let it go? To be able to convince himself to refrain from ruminating for two weeks after the presentation was complete? He wouldn’t have been miserable in the time leading up to the pitch. In addition, if this is common for Ed, all that undue stress would eventually take its toll on his physical, mental, and emotional health, while destroying his interpersonal relationships.

How Do Emotions Impact Group and Individual Success?

Think about the factors that contribute to success you’ve experienced as part of a team, business, organization, or even a family. Attributes such as intelligence, ability, experience, determination, or social skills tend to come to mind. You probably did not think about your emotional abilities/intelligence or the emotional climate of the group. Let me clarify.

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to perceive accurately, appraise, express, and regulate emotions in a fashion that promotes growth. This is your ability to read situations, decide how to respond, and then show the emotions necessary to accomplish your goals.   

Emotions play a vital, yet overlooked role in groups. Emotional outbursts can motivate players or ruin programs as was the case with Mike Rice former Rutgers basketball coach. Emotional displays from parents can assist a toddler in avoiding danger when they get too close to a hot stove. Or repeated and exaggerated emotional displays from a parent can contribute to a toddlers budding anxiety. Leaders in business often act as a barometer of what level of emotionality is acceptable to show. Take another moment to now think about the various groups in which you are a member. How are emotions expressed? Are they repressed or are they expressed in an out of control manner? Do emotional expressions enable or impede the progress of the group? What happens after an emotional display? Is the person who showed the emotion praised or punished? All of these answers comprise the “emotional climate” of the group. Now think about whether the “emotional climate” helped or hurt the group. I’ve been part of different soccer teams where the emotional climate helped the team because players felt free to voice concerns, yet retain a sense that they were supported. Alternatively, I’ve been a part of teams where emotional displays were out of control, unpredictable, undermining, ongoing, and, ultimately detrimental to the goals of the team.

Leaders sometimes make the mistake of not examining how emotions impact group success; however those under the leaders (employees or players) know all too well the impact of emotions. Just about everyone can recall a time in which a coach, boss, or parent lost their temper. The impact was probably severe and long lasting. I encourage leaders, whether a coach, boss, parent teacher, or principal to explore the impact of their emotions on others. It may be possible that a change with regards to emotional expression can improve the productivity, happiness, and success of the group. Because when used properly, emotions help provide feedback, promote learning, and assist changes in future decision making.

For example:
-A reserved and soft spoken parent/coach/boss could show more emotion when their child/player/employee is breaking the rules or unmotivated.
-A loud and angry parent/coach/boss could show outbursts sparingly for serious behavior issues so it can carry the necessary weight.

Much of the information provided within this blog came from “Exploring Emotion Abilities and Regulation Strategies in Sport Organization” by Wagstaff, Fletcher, and Hanton.

The Fear That Motivates and Paralyzes

Fear is a natural emotion that people will go to great lengths to avoid when it becomes overwhelming. Excessive levels of fear can paralyze and cause people to steer clear from pursuing lofty goals and the things in which they are passionate. Think of that time in middle school in which you could not speak to nor approach that person you had a crush on.  The intense fear felt in the pit of your stomach led to silence, avoidance, or a bumbling mess of nonsense coming out of your mouth. On the opposite end of the fear spectrum is the lesser version of fear that motivates us work hard and make conscientious decisions. For example, there is a healthy fear some adolescents have when facing their parents after getting trouble. This fear, hopefully, influences the teen to steer clear of vandalism, breaking a curfew, or engaging in risky behavior. At both ends of the fear spectrum lies passion and one’s comfort with failure.

There are two types of passion: obsessive and harmonious. Obsessive passion tends to overwhelm and maximize one’s attention and identity. This is the person who is constantly focused on, talking about, and/or engaged in their passion of choice. This is the person who only talks of one aspect of life such as sports, video games, work, or parenting. These individuals tend to lack a healthy balance between their personal, social, and professional/athletic/academic life. One of the common negative side effects this person might encounter could be a great deal of anger, depression, anxiety, fear… when they experience failure associated with their passion. Obsessive athletes experience this when they play poorly, get cut from a team, or do not crack the starting line-up. They become overwhelmingly upset, angry, anxious, or sad because there is nothing else in life to distract them and give them a break from obsessively thinking about the failure. ESPN recently did a story on Jozy Altidore, starting forward for the US National Men’s Team. He is currently starting for the Dutch team AZ Alkmarr where he scored 23 goals last season. After failing to live up to high expectations in the past, Altidore attributes his current success to finding a healthy balance between soccer and his personal life, which describes the other type of passion.

Harmonious passion is describes as strong desire to freely engage in your passion. These individuals love what they do and work extremely hard to reach lofty goals. They also feel the negative effects of failure; however their identity is not wrapped so tightly around their passion and they can still enjoy other areas of life when they fail. Steven Gerrard, starting center midfielder for Liverpool explains how he is able to leave soccer on the field. This ability to compartmentalize sports from other areas of life contribute to a healthy mental perspective. Players and professionals who can “leave it on the field and in the office” allow themselves to take that valuable mental break and relax/rejuvenate so they are at their best when they must perform in the future. 


Steven Gerrard talks about having some separation from soccer.


Much of the information provided in this blog post was motivated by the article “Driven By Fear: The Effect of Success and Failure Information on Passionate Individuals’ Performance” by Belanger Lafreniere, Vallerand, and Kruglanski. (2013.)

Fear of Failure in Writing

Everyone is afraid to fail, yet that experience of fear varies in intensity, stems from different external and internal events, and influences us in a myriad of ways. Unfortunately, we are often most fearful regarding the things we are most passionate about. Therefore we are stuck in a catch 22. On one hand, we would like to avoid writing, but on the other hand, we would like to persevere. For example, writers are afraid about how others will react to reading their work and they might want to stop writing. Writers are also passionate about creating something meaningful and they want to continue to write.

I’ve received a lot of feedback about specifics of writing since I’ve started blogging, some wanted and some unwanted. The wanted feedback adds fuel to my desire to continue, whereas the unwanted feedback adds fuel to my fear of failure. When I work with people who are struggling to write because of fear, I offer the following advice. Be very careful to monitor thoughts of criticism to ensure you don’t allow it to deter you from writing more. But be equally careful to listen to and internalize the criticism. Ignoring the criticism is a way to protect yourself from fear that you writing needs to improve, but ignoring criticism will hurt your chances truly improving your writing skills.

A good friend offers the following advice when writing. Imagine two people. One person who is your harshest critic who, regardless what is written, will always have something negative to say. The other person is your greatest supporter who, regardless what is written, will always admire what you’ve put on paper. I would like to take this great advice one step further. When motivation is high and you cannot stop writing, imagine the harsh critic just a little bit more. These are the times when you want to push your ability and try to improve as much as possible. But make sure you use this strategy sparingly. Conversely, when motivation is low and you hate the act of picking a pen or sitting at the keyboard, repeatedly imagine your admirer.

The song “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Pertty comes to mind.

Avoiding Burnout

This blog is based on the article entitled “Perfectionism and Junior Athlete Burnout: The Mediating Role of Autonomous and Controlled Motivation” by Jowett, Hill, Hall, and Curran.

Everyone has different things that cause them to feel passionate. Teachers feel passionate about reaching that struggling student. Song writers feel passionate about creating a song that is worded perfectly and resonates with others. Parents feel passionate about raising their children the right way. Athletes feel passionate about winning championships. LeBron James’ performance against the Pacers is a good example of passion.
He hit the game winner in game one.

He scored 16 points in the 3rd quarter in game five to carry his team to a win.

More importantly, he is proving that his ability coupled with his passion can carry a team. He has two superstars for teammates in Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. However they are struggling and James took it upon himself to bear the responsibility of the current success of the Miami Heat. Passion can elevate performance to its highest point.

But what happens when that all-consuming desire fades and does not return? Burnout sets in. Burnout is different from a momentary decline in motivation. Burnout is when you reach that point when you want give up. Here are some of the common symptoms of burnout:
1. Decreased perception of accomplishment
2. Perceived emotional and physical exhaustion
3. Devaluation and reduction of participation
4. Psychological, emotional, and physical withdrawal
5. Burnout often brings about feelings of depression and anxiety

Perfectionism plays a vital role in the onset of burnout. Perfectionism typically involves two parts.
1. Striving for exceedingly high standards
2. Harsh self-criticism

The research shows that burnout is more likely when certain aspects of perfectionism are present. Below are those aspects of perfectionism followed possible corresponding thoughts in quotes.

1. Placing irrational importance on goals: “I have to score four goals today or I’ll get cut
2. Preoccupation with mistakes: “I suck because I let in one goal this half” (Repeat this self- statement over and over again)
3. Chronic doubt about inadequacies: “I’m no good, I’m too slow, I’m not skillful enough, I’m not fit…”
4. The necessity for precision and order: “I need to make sure every touch on the ball is perfect”

What can be done to avoid burnout? The first and most important step is to become more aware of the thoughts and feelings that contribute to both increased and decreased motivation. A lot of these thoughts happen automatically and out of one’s awareness because they are habitual. Once this awareness is established you can determine whether the thoughts are realistic and whether they are causing you to feel more or less motivated. For example, thoughts of how others view us is a key factor in motivation. When we think others see us in a positive light, our motivation goes up. Whereas, when we think others see us unfavorably, our motivation plummets. The point is, how we think other people are thinking about us plays a vital role in our motivation to perform.

For those of you with children who are athletes, artists, musicians, and students, please keep in mind that the pressure you put on them can be overwhelming. The research shows that a child’s perceived parental pressure is often greater than the actual pressure. So when a parent thinks they are putting a little pressure on their child, then child probably thinks the pressure is greater. In the end, children who are kicking a ball, picking up a trumpet, or molding clay are more likely to be highly motivated and less likely to experience burnout when the pressure is manageable and not overwhelming.