Limericks Bill reads three news-related limericks: Dronitos, Can I Interest You in a Red, White or Purple Kush?, Prison Kvetch.
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Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Nashville, Tenn., on November 3. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian show you how to keep your french fries from going bad. This will change your life.


ANDRE OLEJACK: Hello, this is Andre from downtown Orlando, Fla.

SAGAL: Downtown Orlando?

OLEJACK: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: I have been to downtown Orlando. What do you do there?

OLEJACK: I'm a U.S. history teacher for a high school.

SAGAL: Oh, I see. And how do - how do you find the students are enjoying American history?

OLEJACK: They think it's less divisive than the present. Some of them are registering to vote this week, so it's pretty exciting.

SAGAL: It is pretty exciting. And...


ADAM BURKE: They think it's less divisive than the present? Did you just skip the Civil War?


SAGAL: I got to say, I mean, Jefferson Davis, he's a traitor, didn't say he wanted to date his own daughter, though. I mean...



OLEJACK: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: We will eat in. I honored her veto. Here's that hum like a plus-sized mosquito. Rice, beans and guac in an airborne attock (ph) A drone will drop off my...

OLEJACK: Oh, man.

SAGAL: Rice, beans and guac is a clue.

OLEJACK: Oh, burrito.

SAGAL: Burrito, yes.


KURTIS: Burrito, yes it is.


SAGAL: College students tend to get kind of fat and lazy. And Chipotle and Google's Project Wing have come up with a way to help them along in both those goals. They're dropping burritos from the sky. This week, burrito delivery drones took flight over Virginia Tech in a top-secret experiment. I guess it isn't top secret 'cause we made up a limerick about it. The burritos come from Chipotle food trucks located on campus to students who order them from special kiosks. It's both a terrifying vision of our future and every stoned sophomore's dream come true.

PETER GROSZ: So you have to leave your room to go to a place to order a burrito and then go back to your room and open your mouth and...

SAGAL: And then you look up to the sky.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: And then you go like this.

SAGAL: And it would be like the helicopters in "Apocalypse Now" - it's like dun da da da da, dun da da da da (ph) - except it's drones bringing payloads of burritos.

GROSZ: And since it's Chipotle, the napalm will be coming out of you the next morning.

SAGAL: Exactly.


BURKE: I do not like the smell of that in the morning.


SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Our main course is spicy and daring, so our weed shouldn't be overbearing. If the restaurant's fine, they will recommend wine along with a cannabis...

OLEJACK: Pairing.

KURTIS: Pairing.

SAGAL: Yes, a pairing.


KURTIS: How about that.

SAGAL: A cannabis pairing. Next time you go to Taco Bell, don't be surprised if a guy in a tuxedo suggests different doobies to smoke with your chalupa. This week, Bloomberg News reported on the Trichome Institute in Denver, one of the few schools training pot sommelier. Like a wine sommelier, these people work with chefs to take the fun out of getting messed up by making it all fancy. So one suggested menu that was created by the pot sommelier - this is real - a ribeye steak with chili relleno, a 2013 Malbec and a pot strain called Gorilla Glue.

GROSZ: It should be, like, hey, here's, like, this purple kush and a bag of cheddar sour cream Ruffles.

SAGAL: Exactly.

GROSZ: Because you don't care. You don't care.

SAGAL: It's delicious.

GROSZ: It doesn't matter.

GROSZ: That's the thing. It's like if you...

GROSZ: And here's a Mountain Dew, and just sit in the corner and eat this.

BURKE: I also like...

GROSZ: Now you're starving.

BURKE: ...Instead of asking the sommelier what year the weed is, they'll go what year is it, like, now? And where am I? And who are you?


SAGAL: Here, Andre, is your last limerick.

OLEJACK: All right.

KURTIS: In prison, that human enclosure, I've gotten religious exposure. I've seen the appeal of a specialized meal. I've converted so I can keep...

OLEJACK: My composure?


OLEJACK: I'm stumped.

SAGAL: Well, the key word is religious.

OLEJACK: Oh, I have nothing. I'm sorry.

OLEJACK: It's kosher.

OLEJACK: Kosher.

SAGAL: Kosher.

KURTIS: So I can keep kosher.

SAGAL: Well, you wouldn't know. I mean, how many Jews can there be in Florida, really?


SAGAL: We shouldn't expect a miracle.

GROSZ: And this from my son's history teacher?


SAGAL: Great news for rabbis worried about declining attendance at synagogue - Judaism is one of the world's fastest growing religions in Scottish prisons. They don't want to, like, study the Torah. It's the food. Prisons are required to honor the religious diets of inmates, so Kosher inmates eat like kings. So people say, I'm Jewish now. Because, seriously, where else but prison would gefilte fish be the preferred option?

BURKE: I don't - I mean, haggis does sound like a Yiddish word, so (laughter) it makes perfect sense.

ROBERTS: Is haggis kosher?

SAGAL: Is haggis - oh, god, no.

BURKE: No, yeah, Haggis is barely food so...

SAGAL: It does sound like - you're right, it sounds Yiddish. Like, oh, enough with this haggis.

GROSZ: Oh, I'm so happy. I have haggis.

SAGAL: I was so tired, I could haggis.


GROSZ: It's like the smurf of Yiddish.

SAGAL: It really is.


SAGAL: Bill, how did Andre do on our quiz?

KURTIS: I think he got two right. You can go back to class, Andre.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Andre. Well done.

OLEJACK: Thank you.


SAGAL: Thanks for playing. Bye-bye.


