...where distraction is the main attraction.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Randy Brandy drinks......Clear Creek Cherry Brandy (Kirschwasser)

It seems like Our Dear Leader is useless today because of something called "children", so he handed the website password to this wiser gentleman. That's right, snowflakes, Randy Brandy's going to write whatever he wants.

So, I had a colonoscopy last week, as is required of men of my enlightened age. Here is my entire conversation with the gastroenterologist. I speak in all caps.

"For the 24 hours before the procedure you can only consume clear liquids."
"Actually, that's not--"
"You'll want to refrain from that after taking the laxative--"

That meant I had to drink broth for a day, which is depressing because it doesn't mix with vermouth. I was intrigued when my wife, Brandy, told me about some pop-up shops selling hipster bone broth. But I lost interest when I found out it's actually made from chicken.

The day after the medical professionals looked at my magnificent ass, Diving for Girls invited me over to celebrate the birth of his second daughter. Usually Jews bring Slivovitz (kosher plum turpentine) to celebrate the birth of Jewish children, but Kirschwasser is a German spirit so I thought that would be funnier.

Speaking of hipsters. Portland's Clear Creek Distillery makes brandy out of everything from poire williams to banjos. Steven McCarthy fired up the stills for the first time in 1985, then sold out to Hood River Distillers in 2014, thus losing his Portland citizenship forever.

Clear Creek kirschwasser is made from sweet cherries grown in the Pacific Northwest, which is quite locavore and sustainable, especially considering they then ship the product to retailers thousands of miles away. Clear Creek, guys, you know Latvian or Chinese cherries would be much cheaper.

Here are my notes.

Color: Appropriate
Nose: Fruity bubblegum, maraschino liqueur, dried blueberries, orange brandy. Only a mild spiritous note.
Palate: Moderate acidity. Warm cinnamon spiciness and honey. More on sweet apples than dark cherries. Creamy texture, minimum burn.
Finish: This is where the cherries show up and take over. Some late sweetness and bitterness.

There were my notes.

It drinks fast and easy, so the 375mL bottle is a damned flask. The fruity nose is good, the palate is fine. Imported kirsch isn't cheap, so Clear Creek's version is one of the lowest priced options around. Though German and Swiss kirsch often have a better palate than this one, be prepared for $40-$50 for half bottle prices. So, I guess at $25ish, this one counts as a good deal. I guess. It's better than vodka. It's better than cheap Sliv. It's better than Hiram Walker's "brandy". But so is a colonoscopy.

NOT WHISKY RATING: B-, though by the fourth glass it's a B. Deal with that, Kravitz.


  1. Why do I lose friends & get in trouble with authorities when I write posts online in the style of this article, but this guy gets away with it ? It's not fair, even if it is funny as hell.

    1. Except that Clear Creek brandy sucks because it is too wide a cut. Look for Etta brand in your dusty hunts, much better quality

    2. morlock, Randy would need to have some actual friends first before be could lose 'em.

    3. That's rich, Krab. You need to get an actual sustained readership, even after six years of whisky blogging, before you can disappoint them.

    4. Keep up the good work, morlock. Your words are heard and read.

    5. Randy, you're a stalker. But I'll be your friend.