Today’s “Wait, What…Who? Oh Yeah, I Vaguely Remember Him….Wait, What?!”

Deep from the ranks of the “Hasn’t Been Relevant in Over a Decade” brigade comes former Presidential candidate Ross “Wow, I thought he died” Perot with a brilliant “Wait, What!?” for the first of October.  Yahoo News Reporting:




Wait a second.  What?

The United States almost outspends the rest of the world on defense.  In 2012 we are spending roughly 1 trillion dollars on defense.  Yes, that is “trillion” with a “t”.  We have the strongest military force in the world by far.  Yes, the deficit is a problem and political gridlock is preventing that problem from being solved currently, but does anyone think Washington is so partisan that they would let the country get invaded to avoid raising taxes on the rich?  And who exactly are these unnamed invaders?  China?  Russia?  North Korea?  Keep inserting whatever nation you so desire, the answer for all of them is the same.  “Not a chance in hell.”  I know some on the far right are warily eying Canada, imagining that they can hear the Canucks sharpening up their ice skates in preparation for the invasion, sweeping over the border to force socialized medicine on all God-fearing Americans, but with global climate change they won’t have enough ice to reach the border.  Perhaps Perot thinks we are facing an alien takeover?  (From space, not Mexico.)

I demand full disclosure.  Does Ross Perot have a medical marijuana card?  Because I want some of whatever he is smoking.

Yes, it is all so clear now!  Perot is obviously talking about Mitt Romney and Bain!  If he loses the election, they will initiate a leveraged buyout of the United States, and outsource the government to Chinese sweatshops!  No wonder Perot isn’t naming names; he doesn’t want to be outsourced.  It all makes perfect sense……

Insert massive eye roll here.

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