Sunday, April 7, 2013

Plight of Evil Empire is worse than you think: Winless Scranton nearly burned down its stadium last night

You think you got it tough? How'd you like to be a diehard Yank fan in Scranton?

They must sit out 2012, while the team cavorts along NY's Thomas Dewey Thruway - not one Scranton homestand. This year, the "RailRiders" arrive - lacking a prospect - to blow the first three games to the Pawtucket Redsocks, which aren't exactly brimming with talent (until  Jackie Yastremski Jr. plays himself into a demotion.)

The Railriders' lineup represents a typical Yankee Triple A team, extending back to the days of Columbus.  (Not Christopher, Ohio.) They're old and have no rising stars.

The free-swinging outfielder Melquisedec Mesa now has three hits in 12 ABs - and seven (7!) strikeouts. Annual first-day-of-spring-training phenom Zolio Almonte is 1 for 10. If you expected a rising young shortstop - in case Jeter and Nunez were hurt - wrap your head around Gil Velazquez - born in 1979 - a non-roster player, to boot. Ronnier Mustellier - the ancient Cuban who impressed in camp - must be hurt. He hasn't swung a bat yet.

Scranton has one young guy who conceivably could help the team before June 1 - Mark Montgomery, a middle-innings pitcher, who they are terrified of moving too fast.  (By the way, they're still trying to make a starter out of Dellin Betances, last gasp of the Andrew Brackman theory of franchise-building.)

Last night, to cap a dismal late-inning meltdown after a warhorse named Jim Miller surrendered four runs, the team celebrated its return to Scranton with a fireworks display. The charges set a nearby field ablaze. Though the team pooh-poohed the damage - saying that's why it hired experts - it's a damn good thing the Moosic fire department was not comprised of mourning Syracuse University basketball fans (Scranton's Gerry McNamara notwithstanding), or the Traveling Wilkes Barres might have once again headed for the NYS Thruway. 

It's rare to see a organization where everything seems to have collapsed simultaneously. The only thing that comes close is the Center for Disease Control, as depicted in season one of "The Walking Dead." This season, the Bronx isn't going to be burning. Scranton? Who knows?

1 comment:

Tex Message said...

I saw that Joba shaved his mustache. A ju-ju move?