OMG! Canada, Or What I Learned Listening To The Radio Up North, And Visiting 7-11

On my summer vacation I went to Montana and Canada. They were both fantastic, but as my friend and I eventually decided, Canada won. The Plain of Six Glaciers trail around Lake Louise in Banff
was by far the most gorgeous hike of the trip, and probably of my life.

It was mostly a trip of national parks (Glacier/Waterton/Banff), which meant a lot of blowing of the bear whistle (because, of course, my bear spray was always in my tent/car) and, ultimately, driving. Driving meant lots of radio, and learning lots of things about Canada.

On the 20th I learned that the Canadian literary establishment is freaking out about The Penguin Book of Canadian Short Stories, edited by Jane Urquhart, while listening to CBC's Q with Jian Ghomeshi. The collection was actually published last year, but the Canadian literary world's beefs with it are really coming to light now as two smaller literary magazines, The New Quarterly and Canadian Notes and Queries, are each publishing 10 stories they felt should have been included as an "Salon des Refusés."

Ghomeshi had author and critic Adrian Micheal Kelly on, and Kelly outlined his camp's (a very large one) problem with the collection—it was organized by theme and the stories did not seem to be selected on merit alone; a lot of the younger writers included are no good; and Urquhart wasn't qualified for her position (she agrees with this in the introduction, where she says she has a "nagging suspicion that perhaps I was not the person best suited to the task," and that she is less familiar with Canada's short stories than she is novels). I have to say, having a 'best of' anthology organized by theme (the immigrant experience, urban life, family drama, fantasy and metaphor, and celebrating the past) seems really myopic and limiting, and that anyone who thinks they aren't qualified to edit a collection absolutely shouldn't. (Hello, her statements go beyond any obligatory self-deprecation—the publisher maybe should have reassigned). I'm impressed that two lit mags stepped up to fill the hole they think the collection left, and I'm excited to read their nominations. Listening the program, which you can do here, made me realize that though I know and love some "big" Canadian authors, I am totally unfamiliar with their current lit scene. As in, many names didn't even register.

Something I learned the following day on the radio: Canada is about to get a new porn television channel, Northern Peaks, which will dedicate 50% of it's airtime to "homegrown" porn. Yes. Real Productions president Shaun Donnelly says, "I think as Canadians there is a bit of a tiredness in seeing all American stuff. There is always that thrill for something that is local and you get the sense that these are people you can meet at the supermarket." That's certainly why I went all the way to Van Nuys to do my grocery shopping when I lived in Venice, CA. Canda, you deserve this pleasure!

Speaking of sex, with the long drives came many stops at convenience stores. While relishing the superior candy bar selection in a 7-11, I came across this:

Actually, it was in a different aisle.

A female enhancer called OMG. L O fucking L. Is it for 12 year olds who can't, like, get off? Will I shout "OMG!" during sex after taking one? If I did, I hope whoever was having sex with me would stop mid-stroke and leave me to my Barbie collection. Hey, if this shit really works, a Barbie would probably do the trick.

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