Kill Your Doctor

You’ll feel better in the morning. Much better.

And it will create jobs. Useless, overpaid jobs, but jobs nonetheless.

The fact is, if your body can’t heal itself, no healing will take place at all. The only thing a doctor can do for a non-healing body is prescribe a powerful chemical that causes a dozen other serious problems for every problem it partially alleviates.

And the stuff that really works–marijuana, sleep, laughter and prayer–they won’t touch with a 10-foot tongue depressor. Instead, they’ll send you to an unaffordable hospital where they wake you up every four hours for no reason and nothing is funny.

Their motto: Bill ’em and kill ’em.

How many people did Galen heal?  For thousands of years he was the world’s most respected physician, and guess what? Everything he said was bullshit!

(Everything except the stuff about leeches–turns out leeches really are good for you.)

If doctors weren’t so stupid drug companies wouldn’t have to spend so much money telling us what chemicals we need to take.

“Tell your doctor to prescribe you Dol-dol.”

Meaning that just by watching TV ads you’ll know more than your doctor.

As usual, Jesus got mistranslated. S/b:  “Physician, kill thyself!”

Medical Science’s Greatest Hits:

1.  Lobotomies

2.  Electro-shock “therapy”

3.  Bad vapor theory

4.  Out-of-balance “humors”

5.  Bile theory

6.  $1000 per hour

7.  Golf on Wednesdays