Weather News: It’s Dreadful, isn’t it?

So it was snowing when I cycled to the station today. Nothing really out of the ordinary except the fact that it’s fucking March. The end of March. So far towards the end of March it’s practically June. This is not how things should be. It’s like life’s turned into Game of Thrones…not the sex and dragons stuff, the fact winter never ends. So you can gather why I immediately thought “I bet the front cover of the Metro will be something along the lines of “WEATHER IS BAD AND MOTORISTS SAY IT SUCKS” or “HORROR FOR COMMUTERS AS MORE SNOW ON THE WAY” or “SNOW IS RUINING MY WEEK SAYS SOME CELEBRITY”. So what have you got for me Metro?

Picture 001

Wow, I must be clairvoyant or something.

The tabloid press gets a lot of really kind of deserved slack for placing such massive importance on “FROZEN FLUFFY WATER FALLS FROM CLOUDS!” as opposed to serious stuff like “PEOPLE IN SUITS IN ROOM TALK ABOUT POLITICS AND STUFF!”

The general mantra of “it’s just a bit of snow, why do we whine so much about it? This is not news, it doesn’t deserve to be in a newspaper”, has been repeated by most people. Although I do think that tabloid newspapers that do it are base and crass, I find it almost comforting in some cases. Granted Newspapers need to do important stuff like politics, death, war, etc but in the case of “The Metro” I believe it to be highly appropriate front page material because as I’ve said before, at seven AM you aren’t in the mood for serious news. You want something nice to look at for half an hour that makes you feel nice.

“The Metro” is something to read on your miserable way through to work. I guarantee that anyone who got a train into London this morning was grumbling about the weather and seeing the front page of the Newspaper share their gripes is comforting. I was reassured to know that the newspaper was agreeing with me for a change.

It’s like when someone comes and tells you that, say; they’ve got a cold or someone said a mean thing about them. They don’t expect you to do anything other than agree with them: “I know, it’s horrible, isn’t it?” At seven AM on your way to work; a newspaper that understands what you grumble about is what we need. However I think the language “The Metro” employs could be a bit more chummy and conversational, something along the lines of this:


Other appropriate topics of conversation for the morning news include:



“The Agreeable News” would be handed out outside tube stations to frowny people who can’t be arsed to go to work. So instead of grumbling about politicians in suits doing stuff and people killing each other somewhere you can’t pronounce the name of; now you can grumble and go “too bloody right” instead. It would foster a sense of community between commuters, it would bring us together if we could share our everyday first world gripes and it might make us happier and more empathetic.

….shutup, it would!