A Load Of Bullshirt

UPDATE: You guys demanded it, so the Transformers shirt in the last panel is a real thing now. 


Of course comic Joel is reacting to the shirt he saw in THIS COMIC in the only way he knows how: with equal measures of drawing dumb stuff and righteous indignation. That’ll show the world.

COMMENTERS: What’s the most ignorant of offensive t-shirt you’ve ever seen? It doesn’t have to be within the context of geek culture, but that might help to keep things in context. Please don’t get into political tees. That will open up a whole thing I don’t really want to get into on this site. What about the most right on, inclusive or inspirational tee you’ve seen?

Fancy Patrons got to see this comic a day early (albeit in a rough draft fashion).




    • I can think of one or two hipsters that would love that shirt in a small. 🙂

      I can't think of any offensive T-shirts I've seen…except, maybe, all those ones that you see on school peoples that chronicle which particular post he/she and dozens of his/her comrades filled in the blankity-blank chapter of FBLA or whatever, with some fantastically-gripping phrase emblazoned on the front…like, "The Leaders of Tomorrow" or "Making a Difference" or some such. Can those count?

  1. "Spitters are Quitters" (bonus points for being out with his very young children)
    "Approach life like a dog. If you can’t eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away."
    "If I flip a coin, will you give me head?"

    (That was all in one day. Worked at a hardware store.)

  2. That Transformers shirt was a beautiful punch line. I laughed out loud. Literally. (Am I the only one who feels the need to clarify that these days? "I LOLed. No really! I L-LOLed!)

  3. These Con jokes just got a lot funnier—-Now that i figured out Dave is "Dave Amazi-girl Willis"

  4. (You might have been with me when I saw this, or you might have seen it and told me about it. Or vice versa, whatever.)

    3-year-old wearing the old "I'm not a doctor, but I'll take a look" shirt.

    • i almost engaged in workplace violence when i saw a guy wearing that "cool story, babe, now make me a sandwich" shirt.

      make your own fucking sandwich, you little pissant. >:l

      actually, i'd love a ladies fitted shirt that says "make your own @%#&ing sandwich."

      • I'd love to see a woman wearing your shirt idea, while working at a sandwich shop.
        It would be just so awkward/conflicting/contradictory that it would make me very happy for some strange reason.

  5. I keep refreshing the Sharksplode website and the Transformer shirt keeps not showing up. I think your update script over there is broken.

  6. I'd say the best "clever" shirt I've seen that was ACTUALLY CLEVER was a breast cancer awareness shirt with a baseball diamond, saying "Save Second Base"

    • I've seen that and a few other breast cancer shirts that were pretty funny.
      "Yes their fake. The real ones tried to kill me!"

      A pink lacy bra arranged like the ribbon that read "I support Boobies"

    • My wife used to have that shirt years ago! The full script was "Save Second Base, Cop a Feel!", which was worn as part of a breast cancer fundraiser she was participating in.

  7. "It's not rape – it's surprise sex. So shut up and stop being a pussy about it."

    I think it was custom on part of it – but I've seen the first sentence more times then i can count :(.

  8. TBH I do not normally "click" w/ your sense of humor, but this strip made me literally laugh out loud fr a good long time so I thought I would say thank you c: The punchline is good, but just "I respect women like I respect my coffee" is p amazin on its own.

    • Glad you liked the comic. Just so you know, there's no reason to let me know you don't like most of my work, before letting me know you like one particular thing I did in spite of your general distaste for what I do. I can vouch for pretty much every other content creator I've ever met in saying that comes across as more of an insult than a compliment.

      • To be fair, Joel, he didn't say your work sucks or was distasteful, just that he doesn't get most of your jokes. Kind of how I don't really get British humor like Monty Python – it doesn't make MP bad, it just means it doesn't get more than a giggle out of me, at best. However, I do appreciate and respect all the work and creativity that Eric Idle and co. put into the show and subsequent films.

        But I do also understand your POV – even when someone tries to be tactful about not liking your work, it must still feel like a slap in the face, as if they're blaming you for not being funny enough. If people don't find it funny, that's on them, not you. Geek humour doesn't work for everyone.

        Even on those rare times that I don't laugh at your comic (mostly because I don't know much about the subject of the joke, or lack the proper context to get the joke), I still admire your artwork, like your expression on panel two. That alone was worth the price of admission. 8^)

        • It doesnt matter how that person feels or why. There's no reason to tell me. Not every statement needs a qualifier regarding the typical quality or perception of my work. I know MOST humans on the planet dont care for what I do, and their silence is the only thing that affords me the ability to continue.

      • Kind of puzzled to why, if they don't like it, they keep reading it…

        I think it good Joel can cover different flavours of humour (I wish old school newspaper ones would do as well 🙂 )

  9. If David isn't wearing this shirt at the next convention I will be sorely disappointed… Also I would wear one.
    Also2, there must be a way to use this word play on a pair of boxers to sell in your store.

  10. The "F.B.I. (Female Body Inspector)" shirts always made me cringe. I haven't seen one in years, but I used to lose count, trying to keep tracking of them while on vacation in Ocean City, MD.

    As for spot on shirts, I own one that says "Chubby Guys Cuddle Better". Let's be honest, it's true because we've got more to snuggle up to. I hope that doesn't make me a reverse size-ist or something.

  11. I live in Japan where the use of English–er, Engrish–can be rather creative, weird, and just out right funny. Unfortunately it can be used inappropriately….with the f-bomb…on a kid's t-shirt.

    • to be fair, the f-bomb isn't anywhere near as offensive in Japan as it is here. Kids' mangas have characters flipping each other off and such all the time.

  12. I used to work in a discount clothes store that sold "It Won't Suck Itself" shirts. Disturbing.

    I've also seen stickers on on a car, mimicking the x's on the side of fighter planes, with bicycles and wheelchairs.

  13. I don't read t-shirts, and I don't wear shirts with brands,logos, slogans or meme's on them unless I'm paid to.

    That said, I'm of the opinion that the most offensive shirts are those that insult the person reading them. That's totally begging for bad customer service.

  14. Those biker shirts with "If you can read this, the bitch fell off" printed on the back. Also the ones with arrows pointing to "The Man /The Legend", but haven't seen them around lately.

  15. I'd like to mention that I come across Hijinks Ensue via David Willis' tumblr, and I'm SO close to start reading this comic regulary because I really enjoy it so far.

    Even though I never encountered some dipshit with an offensive mysoginist shirt (which I'm glad about, of course), I laughed a lot about this strip.

  16. "I support single moms" with the silhouette of a stripper on a pole.

    Saw it in a family amusement park.

  17. If you have to ask "what is the most offensive shirt?", you have obviously never seen the infamous shirt from metal band Cradle of Filth. The front features a topless nun masturbating with a crucifix. The back says "JESUS IS A C*%¥" in really large easy to read lettering. Came out in the 90s, nothing's topped it.

  18. Yeah, I got all of you beat in the offensive t-shirt department. In Sweden in the early 90s an insane racist started shooting at people with dark skin and/or hair. He shot 11 people and killed one over the course of a few months. As he used a laser sight he was dubbed "Lasermannen" (The laser man) in the media. He was finally caught and convicted. Fast forward a few years and you could suddenly see idiots with t-shirts that read "Lasermannen – en ljuspunkt i tillvaron" wich means about "The laser man – a point of light in life".

  19. Hm. You can't see the forward/ back/ next, etc bar, on the front page of the comic right now. It pops up only after you hit the comment section. You might wanna fix that.

  20. Worst I saw was a t-shirt with "My boss is a c*nt" in large uncensored text. I never understood what would possess someone to wear one, you wouldn't wear it to work and if it's outside of work why would anyone care about your boss?

  21. Favorite shirt ever as best as I can recreate…, "Si EGO volo vestri sententia, legere malim extis" or "If I want your opinion, I will read your entrails."

  22. Many years ago I saw a guy
    in a store wearing a t-shirt saying
    "Silly faggot, dicks are for girls" with the Trix

    • I remember those ones (except the ones I saw said "chicks" instead; better homophonic replacement for "kids", I guess. Forgot all about them.

  23. This may be venturing a bit into controversial territory, but the most offensive t-shirt I can recall off the top of my head was one that said, "Christianity is stupid. Give it up." That was it.

    Now, regardless of your feelings on religion in general and Christianity in particular, wearing something like this only marks someone as an asshole. No cogent point, no clever wording, just two sentences designed solely to offend people (or gain the validation of others who already agree with you). It doesn't make a person a cool rebel challenging the system; it makes that person a meatspace troll.

    • I dunno…that Cradle of Filth T-shirt mentioned above may be somewhat more offensive to Christians. But, I'm an atheist, so I may not be calibrated correctly.

      • Agreed! But I haven't personally seen one, so as far as the original question goes, I stand by my answer. 🙂

        • I honestly think a valid argument could be made for either being more offensive than the other. The Cradle of Filth shirt strikes me more as mining for shock value and less as an actual complaint against the religion. The shirt you sighted (and cited! 🙂 ) is an unmistakable knock on the religion, but less overtly an attempt to offend.

  24. My late husband and I were at a beer fest when we saw this dude wearing a "It's not going to suck itself" shirt. Mike just turned to me and said "With a shirt like that, it's kinda going to have to, no?"

  25. I think I may have a shirt that could be considered offensive to some, but I find it clever. On the front, there's a picture of Blackbeard and the city my parents got it, Lake Geneva, and the back says BOOTY SPECIALIST: Evaluation and Acquisition Department, with that same Blackbeard picture saying "arrr".

  26. "Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks" shirts were pretty popular for a while back in high school.
    More recently, a shirt that shows up in pagan circles is "Your god was nailed to a cross. My god wields a hammer." Even a lot of pagans think that one's pretty douche-tastic.

  27. I guess I don't understand? The ability to be offended by T-shirts, I mean. And I in no way mean that to diminish anyone else's offense-A lot of the time, I don't understand a lot of what people say and do. But as a general rule, the problem is on my end.

    But when I see a T-shirt with a criminally stupid, ill-informed, or deliberately provocative opinion on it, I'm usually pleased that that person has been kind enough to warn me that they are not worth the effort of getting to know, and appreciate the time saved. The only thing actually more efficient would be a sign around their necks reading 'Dumbass'.

    My personal take on these kinds of things that it is impossible to shame these people into changing their minds-if they're wearing a shirt like that, shame is in short supply to begin with. So if their shirt upsets me, basically, they've already won, as I have no real recourse in returning the favor.

  28. Worst that sticks out was a kid’s shirt that read “I’m not gay … but $20 is $20.”
    I am glad that I didn’t see an actual person wearing it. I would be tempted towards violence.

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