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Everything posted by Red

  1. Happy Birthday to realitycheck44

    Happy Birthday!
  2. Happy Birthday to Mac

    A belated Happy Birthday to you!
  3. Happy Birthday to Red

    Tack! Grazie! Hvala! Kitos! Merci! Thank you! The new Pagani certainly "works" for me! Those are some really sexy and elegant lines! My journal entry for yesterday reads: "On my 30th birthday I had the best pizza i've ever eaten. I also had more than one beer, but that's beside the point. It was a magnificent pizza, made by a true artist. I could not, I truly could not, have made it better myself. It was profound!".
  4. Working in groups

    You bet! I'm working on whats and hows right now, but I already know this is going to be so much fun.
  5. Hi, I'm Red and I hate to work in groups. In fact, to really express how I feel i've invented some new curse words. In finnish. Here's my story: I believe we've all been there. For those of you who haven't, well... lucky you! I thought I was going to escape it this time. Started an introductory course in law a couple of months ago. A very important course for me. It's going to be valuable when advancing my career and it gives extra credit when applying for the full law school program. I also work at a legal administration so I already have a solid foundation to build on. My standards have been set extremely high already from the start. It may be an introductory course, but that's no reason not to thoroughly solve a problem and produce a professional result. I'm proud to say that my work so far has been excellent. Imagine my disappointment when learning that the last two seminars are going to be group assignments. In fact, we're just about to finnish one now and the last one is due late november. As usual this is when standards get flushed down the toilet. You have people not showing up or ones just used to producing mediocre results. On top of that you have unecessary arguments and everyone wanting to pull in different directions. If you're lucky you get to do everything yourself, but that's not the case here. For example, tonight has been all about damage control. A few of the people in the group had suddenly agreed on a couple of answers that were simply poorly thought out. They did not even fully cover the question. I pointed out the errors and quickly wrote a better sollution. The rest of the evening has been spent arguing that it's not "too abstract" to take into account how a particular law is meant to be applied. In fact, it's a necessity. Anyhow, i'm not here to spend all night complaining about the woes of group assignments. I could, but it's not very productive. Instead i'd like to ask you how you deal with these problems. Have you found good ways to tackle them? In this case I could just shrug and ignore the upcoming assignment. It would just give an extra point on the final examination, on which i'm sure i'll do well either way. However, this is something i'll be facing on future courses as well. So, somehow I need to find a better way to deal with it.
  6. Working in groups

    Hey, I was going to write that! I just had a little nap first. I'd like to add one thing to the list though. In a real job you're personally accountable for everything you do. You're there to do your job, and to do it well. If you don't you'll get fired(on some jobs, like my own, it's easy to get sued as well). On these group assignments it's easy to just ride along. You only need to contribute something to not get thrown out of the group, and then count on the more ambitous students to drag you along. Related to knowing what you're supposed to be doing there's a natural division of labor in healthy businesses. You don't have to many chefs in one soup. You have your responsibilities, and THEN you may help others out if needed, instead of having several people performing the exact same task. Often in group assignments it's the other way around - lots of people doing one mans job. I've also heard "that's how business works in the real world". After several different jobs I still wonder when I get to see this real world they're talking about... Speaking of "the real world", i've always had a huge problem with any form of formal education. I love learning new things but the school environment drives me mad. This was true even when studying digital graphics, which was very much like spending my days with my favorite hobby. I felt disconnected somehow, like spending time in some alternative reality. It got to the point where I was daydreaming about going back to my old job, with a mountain of work at my desk. I think one big reason for that is that schools try to emulate what it's like to work on a real job. But it isn't a real job, and they have no idea what it's like. After my last experience I thought i'd never go back to school. I'm better at teaching myself anyway. But then I got really interested in law. I was working with it every day, a few of my friends are lawyers, and through work i've met some really sharp people. In many ways the law is also a tremendous achievment in rationality(if you look at the legal system as whole, and not some of the individual laws). This time though i'm determined to maintain a full time job. I think I can make that work better, but it's going to be a real challenge.
  7. Happy Birthday to Betsy Speicher

    Happy Birthday Betsy!
  8. I'd say it's not only possible but perfectly normal. Men and women tend to have different needs for communication. Women are often more inclined towards communication for the sake of communication, while men are more focused on the content. Observe for example how men and women treat their friendships. Many women can call up their friends and talk for an hour or two about whats happened during the day. I think it's more about reinforcing the friendship and things like that rather than what's actually being said. Men don't do that. It's not uncommong that you don't hear from each other in a few weeks, until someone decides to call, then catch up in 5 minutes and agree on a time to meet for some activity. Of course this is generalized and there are individual variations, but I think there are fundamental differences in how we communicate. Those differences may be important to keep in mind in a relationship. While you may feel doubt because of the lack of communication, he may feel distracted trying to keep up with you - because those e-mails, texts and phone calls makes him unable to focus on anything else.
  9. Now, let us be reasonable and settle this like the gentlemen I know we both are. By a duel to the death! Err, sorry, wrong century. What I meant was, may the best man win.
  10. I think i'm in love. Wait... yes, most certainly. Hope she really likes to dance to 80's pop. Oh what a sight. Such a beautiful girl.
  11. This is common among all addicts(and also among people who are mentally ill). I think it works as a stress reliever. The popular scientific theory being that the drug abuse has worn out the dopamine receptors in the brain, and as a result more dopamine needs to be released for the person to feel "normal". Withdrawal from that one huge stimuli increases the need for something else to deal with the anxiety. Coffee and cigarettes tend to be close at hand. Junk food is rather common as well, though that's more common among those who quit smoking.
  12. I like this. I have a couple of additional things you might want to try. I observed this when I met two of my most recent friends. Share something personal about yourself. And, break the rules a little bit. The point is that people love to be at the recieving end of open and authentic communication. It also gives them a better idea of who you are. When you tell them something personal they also get a better idea of what you're comfortable with and they can answer in kind. One thing worth trying is flat out telling people why you're at these social events. Let them know you're working to overcome your social anxiety and that you'd like to meet interesting people to make friends with. It's perhaps not the first thing to tell people, but make sure to put it out there. One of the friends I met told me she had just been through a tough divorce, and she was happy to finally come out and meet new people. I let her know I was single and looking for both new friends and women I could date. We decided to help each other out and had a blast going out dancing and meeting new people. Breaking the rules can be a good way when people are too stiff and reserved. Often they are afraid to break the rules of etiquette. While good manners and etiquette are important, I think they should be there to help social interactions - not be in the way. One way to get past that can be to simply break the rules. Tell a daring joke or say something unexpected. With a little sense for timing and delivery people tend to loosen up and become alot more fun.
  13. I agree with the advice, but I have made a couple of different observations. While alot of people actually are quite shallow i've found many to be interesting if you scratch a little on the surface. Oftentimes they have the exact same problem as you do. They get stuck in mingling and meaningsless small talk. It's like a handshake and a "nice to meet you" followed by conversations about the weather. That kind of interactions can have it's place in showing others that you're friendly, open and putting them at ease. However, getting stuck there must be a dreary hell for any thinking individual. Most people will welcome a break from that circle of small talk. Well, atleast the ones you'll be interested in. I'd like to add a bit of advice of my own there. Go there to get your needs met. After all, you're not there to fit in, to be liked and have lots of shallow friendships. You're there, i'm assuming, to connect with like-minded people. Show them who you are and what you want. This leads me to the "nice guys". I don't think nice guys are actually liked. They're just regarded as harmless and rather meaningsless. As an introvert it's easy to fall into the "nice guy"-trap. I mean, you're trying to figure out how social interactions work. When they don't work perhaps you'll blame yourself for failing. Since you know social interactions are something you need to work on, adapting may seem like a reasonable thing to do. A nice guy is someone whos adapted by compromising his own personality, which is just making the social anxiety worse. He's trying to make every interaction run smooth, which is impossible, and any friction causes anxiety. People don't really like nice guys, because there's nothing to like. A perfect nice guy is the one who just talks about the weather and bends over backwards to try and please everyone. To make actual friends you have to be open, honest and transparent. Show others who you are and what you value. It will cause friction and make enemies, but it will also give your kind of people a chance to know you and like you. I'm not saying that as any kind of personal criticism. I don't know how you're actually going about interacting with people. I'm saying this simply to illustrate that asserting who you are is the only practical way to actually connect with others.
  14. Arianny did a fine job walking and holding signs today. I tried borrowing my friends police badge so I could get past security and talk to her, but he refused. Sometimes I think my friends hate me and want me to be miserable.
  15. I love how they showed not just the car, which was stunning by itself, but also the manufacturing and assembly. I don't quite know how to explain it, but there's something incredibly beautiful about it. My older brother always used to tease me that I tend to "see with my hands". That video got my fingers to itch something fierce.
  16. Thanks for the video John! That's a lovely car. There's something i've noticed about Ferrari's lately though... don't they seem just a little bit tame? They're elegant, poised and every bit seems well balanced. They look easier to drive than grandma's Toyota, which is a good thing indeed - for going fast. I'm just missing a bit of... mandess maybe? Electric cars are heavy, impractical and expensive. They also have no soul. That last point is a little harder to explain. You could try watching this video on mute:
  17. I like this. It's direct, shows what you want and gives her space by letting her choose the means of communication. All you need is an open line of communication, and she can choose what she's comfortable with.
  18. Some of you may remember a hundred years ago I had this problem with a girl. The kind members here offered some really invaluable advice, some of which I still treasure. Now, the reason i'm starting this thread is because it's on again. For those of you who don't remember, that's all well and good. No need to go there again. In short, what happened was that I met a woman at work. It got pretty messed up in rather foolish and embarassing ways. Seems she wasn't interested the way I was, and my advances probably bothered her somewhat(atleast that's my conclusion). Still, when I left I think we were on good terms. During the summers i've been back with the same employer, though on different departments, so we have bumped into each other on ocassion. Two or three years ago I cut all contact. I got a bit annoyed by her actions, though not really a big deal, and besides wanted her out of my mind. Now, once more, i've been back with same employer for the past 7 months(for the record: i'm in love with the job). Our new offices has made it so that we bump into each other rather frequently. It's been polite hello's and trying to avoid each other. Both of us uncomfortable I suppose. I've figured the ball is in her court if she wants something to do with me. I guess you can see where i'm going with this. I think she just passed the ball. Actually, i've noticed things earlier too, when i've thought; "well, if I didn't know better someone seems a bit jealous". I've got quite alot of women around me, and there have been times when i've had fun with someone and she's made sure to get noticed. The last time was after I had lunch with a friend, who started asking "whatever happened to that dark haired girl?". I'm pretty sure the conversation got overheard. After that she just happens to start showing up in close proximity, which is rather unusual. Atleast I thought it kind of strange when she suddenly shows up at the other end of the table, when i'm having lunch with the same friend. Especially considering it's a lage lunch hall/cafeteria, which just happened to be scarcely populated. So, when I had the oppurtunity I put her to the test. Greeted her one morning at the coffee machine. Just a friendly "good morning!", a little more open and friendly than usual and holding eye contact a bit longer. She answers by lighting up in the warmest smile i've ever seen. I mean, she's beaming. And, she immediatley jumps on the opportunity and starts asking how i've been and so on and so forth. The conversation is rather brief, but very friendly. I can almost swear she was blushing, but it's hard to tell with her complexion. I contemplate this for a couple of days. Either I could wait for another opportunity and see if she follows along, or take a little initiative. I don't like waiting for the right moment, because you never know if or when it will show up. Also I don't like the idea of running head first in, trying to close the distance. Atleast not until I know where she stands. So, I came up with and excuse to talk to her. Made up a work related question I thought would be within her area of expertise. Caught her on the run, which may have made it look a little more spontaneous than it was. She beams at me again, and acts almost like a shy girl(and I guess I was just slighly less girlish ). I think she called the bluff, i'd be slightly disappointed otherwise. I mean, it's pretty hard to dodge the question, without lying, how the question came up. I was also a bit reluctant to follow along when she suggested finding someone else for help. Anyway, we did a little bit of catching up, and that was the last time we spoke. It was just a few days ago. --- Anyhow, with all that being said... i'm thinking, what next? Right now i'm waiting to see if she passes the ball back. If not, should I just forget about the whole thing? And if she does, do you have any good advice for trying to reconnect with her? My goal right now is just to try and spend a little more time with her, and see where it leads. A friend suggested that if it comes to that I could try bringing up things from the past we could both laugh at. And, also, consider that both of us have changed, so it would be a good idea to find out just how. I would appreciate any kind of input, because i'm really not sure what i'm getting into here. I might add that I don't really have any high expectations, but i'm happy that things are going better. Actually, my whole life has gone so well the past weeks it almost seems unreal, though that's a different story. This is just a little icing on the cake.
  19. I've met a handful of women in the short time span we're talking about here. The last couple of weeks I have even been occupied with someone who's showed some great potential. She's the kind of person who just seems genuinely good, and it seems like we can go on talking forever. We'll see how that turns out. I'm actually very fortunate when it comes to meeting women. My work is an amazing place to be for that. There must be a few hundred women there, a big lunch hall where you can mingle and talk to people, and there's a steady stream of people coming from the outside. Should office-dating be an issue I can always try and hook up with people after work, and meet new people through them. The down side I suppose is that it's easy to get lazy, and that also means getting "friend-zoned". I think the best way to meet women is by just being there. It's a bonus if you can also say "hi" and hold a simple conversation, but sooner or later someone is going to talk to you anyway. The hard part is taking it from friendly chit-chat towards dating. That's something i'll have to work alot more on. Something that has helped me with the problem you mention, though I still have it, is to just blurt and not caring about making an impression. If you happen to say something really stupid, which is likely to happen when you blurt, make it a challenge to save face without apologizing for it. The more I do that the easier it becomes finding something to say in all kinds of situations. I also care less about the impression i'm making. Otherwise the interaction tends to go like this: *Sweet! This woman seems really interesting, I should get her number, just don't screw this up. So, what do I say? I can't just tell her to give me her number. That just sounds weird... I don't wanna screw this up...* "Hello? Anybody home?" "What? Oh yes... um, you should go with the red shirt. Red looks good on you." *Please keep talking, please keep talking... I have almost got the magic spell to unlock the gates to paradise...* "Okay, thanks - bye!" "Nice to meet you - bye bye!" Would'nt it be better to just say "give me your number" in that case? Even saying something stupid like "honeybadger" would be better. I think the problem is in part trying to make an impression and caring far too much what she thinks of you, and in part having unrealistic expectations on yourself. Like you have to act really smooth and say the right things to not screw things up. In reality, that way of thinking is what's causing problems. Getting rid of that problem is easier said than done though.
  20. No, she looks glorious. With that said, we're done now Kevin. Please leave this thread.
  21. And what's the significant difference between Ayn Rand's fiction and reality? I'd argue that what she did was to remove non-essential things in order to illustrate reality as it could and should be. Meaning that, it is still based on reality and that there are alot of things that can be learned from it and applied in real life. For the record, I don't go seeking drama on principle. I just try and go after what I want. I failed in this case. So what if the result was a little drama and difficulty?
  22. This is exactly what i'm reffering to. Thanks for putting it so clearly.
  23. I've met about a handful of women. One of them has even sparked a little interest - she seems bright, successful and has an amazing smile. That's all I can do. Keep moving forward and sooner or later i'm sure i'll meet my future wife. Meanwhile though, certain questions do still bug me and I don't like to live in conflict with myself by trying to just force them away. Was Dominique's and Roark's relationship simple? I'm not trying to imply any similarities here, I just don't see love as being simple.
  24. I hope I reach that explanation. Not just to get rid of that annoying feeling, but i'm sure there are some really valuable things I could learn from it. We'll see if my predictions are right and if i'll get a chance to find out more.