Unstable Earth

For more then 20 years I do special assignments.
 I always travelled solo. A little or no money from the Media, a camera or two.
Sometimes I preferred to be my own editor - not to be committed to anyone. When you are one, you can cross borders and walls.
I don't like the sight of dying people. These are the faces of death. When we meet - I know I am alive and there is  a fight. I am not afraid. The pain of life is greater.
Sometimes, when I am travelling just for the sake of travelling and looks at the soft light of the descending sun, at the dust that wondering people lift because they walk for leisure and nobody is after them, I feel great joy. At these moments I think to myself that one can really enjoy an afternoon walk, from a coffee in a cafe looking lazily at the street.
So what am I looking for in the unstable earth?
Because the world is build and comes apart from the same bricks. and in my journeys (some are quiet accidentals) I try to understand what happens when worlds comes apart.
Am I close to understanding anything?
Close and far at the same time. Angry and full of hope and know for sure that one day the unstable earth will absorb me and somebody else will go on from the same spot i stopped.