A Special Wonkette Tribute To Fallen Senator Staple-Crotch, Massachusetts's Own Scott Brown


It seems like just two months ago that we were in Tampa, Florida, hanging out with a bunch of Boston journos who explained, totally matter-of-factly, that it was a foregone conclusion that Senator Scott Brown (R-Playgirl) would handily beat sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren in their #war for the senate. Why did they think that? "Because everybody likes him," they explained. "He's not a jerk." Ah, but that was before Senator Brown shot himself in the stapled cock with his own arrow. Presumably working on the advice of Eric Fehrnstrom, who is very bad at his job, he quintupled down on an idiotic race-baiting campaign even after everyone in the world was all "the fuck, Scott Brown?" and then handed in a debate performance (with anassist from David Gregory) that was actually shocking in its bullying, shitty tone. Let us gather round for a War Dance of Remembrance!

  • Here is when Scott Brown claimed to be a double agent for kings and queens, which wasn't dickish, but it was pretty weird.
  • Scott Brown loves women, because they taught him to help with the chores.
  • Here is the time Scott Brown got mad that poor people are allowed to vote.
  • Here is a hilarious dumb ad Scott Brown emoted all over, about jeans and nothingness.
  • Remember the time Scott Brown said his voting records should be off-limits? That was some brass!
  • Here is when Scott Brown started his long day's journey into dickishness (and race carding) by acting like a common thug in his and Warren's first debate.
  • And here is the beginning of the end: when high-level Brown staffers started doing totally awesome tomahawk chops and war whoops, accusing Warren of being a race traitor basically, and Brown pretty much demanded Warren apologize for making his staffers do that.
  • Then he doubled down.
  • And tripled.
  • And to wrap it all up here is that time Scott Brown insulted people who had lost loved ones to the excruciatingly painful and horrifying death by mesothelioma.

She who laughs last laughs longest or something, we don't know, still hungover. Here.

Rebecca Schoenkopf



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