Bill Murray Wants Nothing For Stopping The Storm In New York

Bullseye. -I got Ghostbusters 3 made without me. That will do, says the moviestar.

-But if you absolutely want to give me something my account number is 555 438 2619 bullshit.

Questioned why he`s so absent in the media Bill says he`s been in Falluja fighting terrorists and training the local police force.

-I`m a moviestar, they do whatever I tell them. I got tired of the press, so I told them no press and the media stopped writing about Iraq.

-They need some magic to get this working, I get them to do missions even the special forces stay away from. I`m like Colonel Walter E. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. I`m bad for everybody.

Photo Jules Minus

While Oklahomans Prepare For The Open Carry Gun Law, Nudists Lobby For Open Carry Dick Law

Open body. -If they can flash their gun, I can too, says party nudist Karl Grove.

-They claim to wear weapons in the name of peace... Hah! No gun owner ever came in peace. When they come, they come with a bang.

-Claim wearing firearms prevents use of bullets is like saying condoms prevent sex. It`s for more!!!!

Photo oscar alexander

New York Remember It`s Last Days In Paradise

Wetlook. The city that never drowns is recovering at the Metropolitan hospital from massive water inhalation. As the rescue workers pumps her for water, her whole life flashes infront of her.

-Mmm mm argh! A AAA AAAAAAAAAA!

Few inhabitants know this, but the New York gets off nearly drowning. It`s a sexual fantasy. I think most people would move if they knew.

Photo Dougtone

15 Phedofiles Gunned Down Night Before Halloween

-Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Hallogod. News report of a pragmatic serial killer has fled areas where children set out to play trick or treat. Anonymous sources says parents of these area wants to make sure nobody played trick or rape.

-They will not be missed, says parent. In fact, we have already forgotten them. Isn`t it weird how time flies. What did I forget to buy in the store... milk. I have to go back. This interview is over.

Photo hanna_horwarth

Frank Prepares for His Business Trip To New York

Poor dog. -I love NY. I love it more than my family. I would love to go there any other time, included x-mas eve. But not now. I don`t love it more than myself, says Frank to himself the day before he gets on the plane.

-Please, let the hotel or the business partner be part of the destroyed area. God, I beg you. I know I have never prayed to you before. I`m shy, lets put it like that. Okay, I was loaded and I didn`t need you. But what money can buy me out of this?

-If I don`t go I loose face and if I go I might loose my life... Wait, why would I loose my life now? The storm is over. I`m just making up this shit cause I watched the news and want to be part of it.

-If I fake my travel date I can. Two days more or less, who cares. The data is all gone anyway. Who could disprove me? My family? No, I wasn`t with them. I was with two hookers while they thought I was in New York at... my business trip. Jippi!!!!!

Photo twfrench

Sandra Dislikes Having A Natural Disaster Named After Herself

Deconstructing Sandra. -I know I have mood swings. I know I have a temper. I know I am a woman who like every other woman have my period every anger day. But I`m not such a bitch that I ruin whole cities.

-Sure, I can be difficult to be around at times, but only within hundred yard. The people outside that circle doesn`t notice a thing. I only let out steam in my inner circle and I use a calendar to remember my pill, not atmospheric sensing equipment, duh... then again, I like the attention...

Photo Showbits

Bill Murray Went Into The New York Hurricane To Shoot Ghostbusters 3

Film Season. -We got to do this while the weather is perfect, points Bill out.

-Some movies are made for romance, some for drama and some for action. This is reality. We`re trying to tame the beast in real life. I we fail, all of New York will go under. It`s really up to me now,... finally.

 Photo Jules Minus

New Yorker Prepares For Life As New Orleaner

Stormtalk. Vincent has been poor all his life, but never celebrity poor or surviver poor. -I expect the worst, says the hard working man who looks like any other hard working man who works hard.

In two seconds his life will be, together with millions of others, portrayed to the point of obsessive compulsive disinformation.

 -I hate to admit it, cause I prefer to ignore it, but it`s coming. I will be used as "thank god its not me" talk for 10 years to come.

Photo (vincent desjardins)

In Quiet Moments Mitt Romney Wish He Was Chinese

-I auditioned for the first James Bond movie. I
even got the part, but I couldn`t bring myself to
play a secret agent. I needed the public affirmation.
Votefall. -It`s easier to kill your way to the top. Convince people takes forever. And the more dummies I meet out there I think for myself "You need to be ruled by force". They don`t deserve me, but this is where I`m born. I try to make the best out of it. Both for me and my friends, thinks Romney.

-If this was Italy I could have flashed my buttocks and won the election. In France all it takes is dip your penis is mustard. Why did I have to be an American?

-Why couldn`t I be raised in China and spend my campaign money on an army with my name on it? Wait, thats what I get if I win. Maybe there`s some Chinese in me after all. It definitely is in my house. Economically speaking I spend more dollars on things made in China than America.

Photo Austen Hufford

Area Patient Doesn`t Have To Dress Up For Halloween

Crash, test, people. -Thank God there are some benefits to this. It`s the fifth car I wreck this month. To be honest, if it wasn`t for the money I save on using the hospital clothes, I could never afford to smash another car, says Area Patient.

Photo versageek

After Working Together For 10 Years Tim Noticed Something Was Wrong With Otto

Airheads. -I guess I was to caught up in myself to look over my shoulder. I wanted to impress the girls so I paid more attention to my clothes than my co-workers or the job for that matter. God knows how many patients we lost, says Tim.

-The awful truth is he made me look like a dork all these years. My effort to dress good only made it look as if I was part of his prank. Like a cartoon character out of place. No wonder I never got lucky.

-It turned out Otto suffer from the same disease as I, inflating ego. As a matter of fact we are brothers. Can you believe that? I couldn`t cause I hadn`t noticed him before. I thought I would, especially since we are twins, but I had no idea I had a mother either so it makes sense in some weird fucked up way.

Photo Herts Air Ambulance

Kid Turned Back His Clock And Went To Bed Early - Still Excited About Timetravel

-Tooth fairy is for girls.
Time Fairy. -I watched Back To The Future back to back with my parents all week so I`m not wasting anytime staying up late, says Area Child. -I know my parents love it and I hate to admit it, but I did it.

-I set my watch to 1950. I want to do what McFly did, but to my grandparents so I get other parents.

-I will match a Cocker Spaniel with a Great White Dane so I look more awesome. I`m tired of being seen as a kid. I want to be a bulldog.

-I bought dog food. If you feed animals right they grow faster. I will need more than I get for breakfast. I have to be fully grown by the time I get to kindergarten tomorrow cause I`m beating up all the other kids and the nanny. Then I`m heading for the world championships. What would I do without time travel...

Photo Neticola

Tiny Little Muslim Boy Thinks He Can Dick Around With The Norwegian Government

-I want my share of fame.
Boys army. The little boy or Gods servants as he likes to call himself is too scared to take on USA after 12 years of continuing overrun. -But I can beat Norway, says the little bugger.

-Who are they to tell me not to go to war? I got God on my side and a plastic garden rake. Who can stop me?

Photo Photogeraphar 0345-3333888

Man Of Justice Saves The Day

-Zz zz z zz zz zz zz zz zz zz zz top
Friendskip. Normally he is very irritating, but from falling asleep he saved the party from being a total disaster.

-It always goes to hell when my brother comes along. He`s family. If I don`t invite him I get in trouble, if I invite him he gets in trouble. I prefer the latter. Therefor every party we ever had went to hell - except this one, says bro.

 -Which makes it so sad nobody came. Their so tired of him screwing up they`ll rather see a movie on VHS.

Photo Fidelio

Few People Thought About Santa When World Population Hit 7 Billion

Red Rooster. Since 30th October 2011 life has been a living hell for Santa. -I hate human kind now. They multiply by the millions and never asks if it`s okay. Who do they think they are? World rulers?! Their pets!!!! Human pets! says Santa.

-I had to hit the gym to keep up. I lost twice my weight. Nobody recognises me. The kids think I`m some kind of fraud. "-Hey everybody! It`s healthy Santa. I give away organic presents." It doesn`t have the same umph! But what can I do? I meet kids bigger than me!

Photo paddynapper

Superhero Movies Must Come In Paralympic Edition

Retarded Batman. Every film containing characters with unrealistic human abilities must now come in a disabled version to level the playing field.

-It is not healthy for our culture that we think only the normal can do unnormal things. We must admit that even unnormal people can do unnormal things, says the Motion Picture Association Of Bulgaria in an international press release to the public of Slovenia.

-Why do they think they have to tell us how to rate movies, says the Slovenian film bureaucracy?

-We are bigger than them and they need to be reminded every now and then replies the MPAOB.

-Last time we taught them how to sing their national anthem the right way. Before that how to tie their shoes and wipe their asses. I feel like we`re on to something here. Do something good for society. Like a rat pissing in the sewer for a change.

 Photo giant mice kill rabbits

More And More People Smoke Hash To Avoid The Election

Please... -I value peace and quiet. The more I hear about this fucking election the more I want to stay on the fucking fence. I`m not voting until these motherfuckers keep their mouth shut. I`m not undecided, I`m tired and I want one month of porn everywhere to make up for this shit, says votehead.

Photo Marco Arment

Arnold Schwarzenegger Sets Out To Be The First Man On Mars

-I have to get Maria back, the only way I can earn her trust
again is if I go to Mars and come back alive.
Total bullshit. -I will beat NASA in getting there first, says Arnie to the press outside the newly opened Arnold Institute of Technology.

-We have build the first cyborg ship. It basically consists of my muscles. I will do one massive leg squat, drop the weight and fly into space.

-I did this many times when I was younger. I squatted so hard the barrel broke and I literally flew up to the roof.

-Thank God gyms had roofs in those days. I could have been a danger to airline traffic.

Photo Gage Skidmore

Car Hiding From High Gas Prices

Off road. -It`s of absolute importance that my owner doesn`t find me with these insane oil prices. Nobody in their right mind will drive something like me at that cost. If you can afford that, then you can afford a better car and my owner does. The whole reason for my existence is that I`m cheap, says the scared car. -And I who thought I would end my life in a traffic accident, I`m such a dreamer...

 Photo DaLee_pl

Lance Armstrong Changes Name To Bill Armstrong

Speed Abuse. -I should have chosen Legstrong, but that would be too obvious. I really wanted Mike, after bike, but it would make it too easy to find me. Except for the fact that everybody know how I look.

-Let me answer the question you all want to hear. Did I use drugs? The truth is I never took it seriously. I still don`t.

Photo Tom Raftery

The Eiffel Tower Is The Remaining Of The First Earth Landing

Planet of the Sapiens.
Earthificial intelligence. -We brought metal to Tellus, or earth as you like to call it. The name you gave your planet says everything we needed to know about your intelligence level. You don`t call you planet earth?! It sounds like dirt. We figured out you needed metal, says space alien Bob.

-Iron is easy to use, it`s cheap, you actually have it here on "earth". It gave you something to "figure out" for a few hundred years. You did well. Very well, says Bob.

Photo Guillaume Cattiaux

0 Of The Argentinian Football Fans Returned To South Africa

Ticketmaster. Tourism from the South American continent dropped with 500% after brazil and Argentina where out of the tournament.

-We spend our dollars elsewhere. We`d rather spend them in England than use it in South Africa. They can re-install Apartheid for all we care. I don`t put my foot there again ever! says Hoel who claims he doesn`t remember the game at all.

-Who says South Africa hosted the World Cup. I never saw no world cup in South Africa. I saw trees and bushes.

-Yeah, they never had the game. It`s fake as the moon landing. Think about it and you realize it`s even more unrealistic. Sure, says a drunk guy who wants attention.

The Argentinian Department of Make Believe informs that only 5 Argentinians go there on holiday in the first place and rightfully so. -Why would they want to go somewhere more violent than home?

-They would not go back even if they won. They would have gone to England and celebrated infront of Buckingham Palace until the end of days.

-Most of them went somewhere else or stayed at home... They didn`t even think about it, confirms DMB.

South Africa is by no means angry about the situation. -We sold a lot of tickets. A lot!

 Photo Richard_of_England

Motorcycle Has 4 Humans On His Conscience

-I will strike again. I hate humans,
 says the serial killer.
Motorhead. -I love it. Every time I kill someone I walk away. No punishment. The jerk dying takes all the blame. It`s fucking fantastic!


Star Politician Looks For Anything That Can Scare The Living Daylight Out Of Folks

Mayornnaise. -Whatever it is, I have to be the solution. It can be anything, the fatzo invasion... as long as it`s not too hard to fix, says Canadian politician Kenney who misspells his name Kennedy on purpose. -It brings me much needed attention.

-The best thing would be a lie. Then I don`t have to do Jack shit, which is what I intend to do. I`m in it for the glory. I`ll trade the power for a shot at the limelight any day... everyday.

 Photo 5of7

Everybody Left Town For Hide & Seek

If only. -Why not get the hell out of here, said Bill to himself while he was looking for a hideout. -Then they`ll never find me.

Apparently a lot of other people felt the same. -I got so excited about moving my body by foot I couldn`t stop. I kept walking and walking. It felt so good. It was like a revolution, says Anna.

Burglars had the time of their life cause people threw away their iPhones and iPads. -Lets not focus on ourselves 24/7. Let`s try to suck in the surroundings for a change. Be together and have fun like we used to when the dumbphones where around, says people all over the city except Downtown.

And so they did and the burglars couldn`t sell one freaking iPhone. Apple went south and Indians became the new hot with their smokephones. -I fucking love this shit, says Bill after two months of this lunacy. -I`ve forgotten everything I ever knew. I`m being replaced by a Chinese at work, by a car mechanic at home and by a dog among friends.

-Moving backwards has been the greatest journey of my life. It`s more fun to slide downhill than work your way up to the top. The only drawback is when I hit bottom and I feel that is pretty close now. Yep, there it came. I hit rock bottom. Ow!

 Photo channone

Europeans Put The Nobel Peace Prize On Their Cvs

-I`m the guy in blue walking across the hall. See how the
Nobel prize distinguishes me from the others.
Winner zone. -How can you not hire me? I won the Nobel peace prize 2012. How many of your employes won a Nobel prize? says Euro Joe.

-I`m leaving the European Union cause there are so many other Nobel winners here. 491 millions actually. So I`m heading for the states cause I think it will be more valuable there. Maybe I can get a job at McDonalds on Harvard.

 Photo La Citta Vita

The Ice Polar Cap Melted: Damn

Too late, shows over. -It leveled out the global warming. We`re back to square one now. What do we do now? ask polar expert Bernt Johanson. 

-Maybe watch some television? says one of his co-workers who also wasted their whole professional career building up to a climax that never came. -It`s kinda like when I have sex with my wife. It never really happens. 

-It`s cause your head is at the arctic when you make love, says Bernt. -The more I think about it the more I realize I`ve invested too much is this doomsday senario. I can`t afford to loose. If the world doesn`t go under soon, my social life will.

 Photo johan wieland

Home Made Space Program Shows No Promise

Jerkometer. Kathy regret she married the space nerd. She took it for granted he knew what he was up to. He looked like a nerd and did the whole nerd thing infront of a computer so convincing she believed he was a genius.

-He told me he was building a space shuttle. It never crossed my mind he was doing it on his own. I thought it was a team effort, but the more I think about it I realize Tim is not a team player. He`s not a NASA programmer either. He`s a jerk.

-I`ve never been tricked by suck a loser before. The guys who try to get into my pants are usually huge liars and very easy to reveal. But Tim was such a looser to begin with. Smart is the only thing he could use to impress women cause he was so dumb.

-I should have checked his Harvard credentials. He was smart for a dummy.

Photo SanFranAnnie

No Smoking Cause Headache For NASA

Smokey! -We don`t know what to do. The department of no doesn`t separate shuttle smoke from cigarette smoke. We try to tell them we`re not sending up a cigar, but they say smoke is smoke, says Nasa `s public relation.

-We have to put our space program on a halt until this issue is cleared.

Photo jurvetson

UK Fireservice Like To Give The Little Extra

Fire Dept on fire. -We always try to put it out with the tires first. If that fails we jump out and use our butts. It`s a crowd pleaser, especially when we fart. It`s that little extra that distinguishes us from the rest. We deliver the goods or...  Gods, says fire marshall Thunderstorm.

-Some of our men has put out fires with their elbows. One guy, bless his heart, dressed up as Batman and got shot by the Police. We don`t talk about that.

-People like us so much we randomly break into houses in case of fire. It`s always better to be famous than sorry.

-We get a lot of applications from former wrestlers and psychiatric patients these days. It`s sad, but I have to tell them we don`t redo fire scenes and you can`t work here from the psychiatric ward. You have to choose either patient or firefighter. But you can be allergic to water. That is negotiable. We got powder.

Photo spencer77

Wayne's Coffee Is Starbucks Retarded Cousin

-It`s a good place to take my client for informal talks, says
anonymous Supervisor.  
Original copy. -Wayne`s is where I go when I want to go to Starbucks, but I don`t want to go to Starbucks cause I`ve already gone to Starbucks. It`s where I go when it gets humiliating turning up at Starbucks again says Urban Joe.

-The name is so original. Who in their mid 30 would think of the resemblance to Wayne`s World. The basement talkshow from SNL with Mike Myers and Dana Carvey who spinned off two motion pictures? Nobody. It`s brilliant. It`s like they came up with their own idea completely on their own.

-That home feeling in the basement where guys hang out is completely coincidental. It`s like the makers of Wayne`s Coffee grew up in a completely different world than Wayne`s World. A world without access to popular tv shows, movies or pop culture in general. It`s amazing. It`s one of those things who makes Wayne`s Coffee so original only Wayne could come up with it.

-Those kind of things could never happen to Garth cause Garth doesn`t have the intelectual capacity that Wayne has. It will never be a Garth`s World or a Garth`s Coffee. He`s a designated customer. He follows Wayne`s lead and leave`s his ambitions at that.
Any resemblance to Starbucks is completely random.

Photo  janfredrikf / Ollie Crafoord

Weiwei Begs the Nobel Committee Please Don`t Give Me The Peace Price

Prison price. -Look at what happened to Liu Xiaobo, not promising. I`ve had my share of prison. Torture someone else cause there will be reprisals. I`d like to live to see the kingdom fall. Don`t take that away from me, says Ai Weiwei.

Photo Hafenbar

Queen Elizabeth II Writes Her Biography Tittled To Hell Wth It

-This book should get us back on top for eternity.
Royale with Cheese. -I read Rod Stewart`s memoars, I guy I did many a times, and said to myself, I can top this. We royals need a bit of rock`n roll to keep the publics interest. Without them we`re doomed. Like it or not, scandals is our reasons of existence. What would Downton Abbey be without drama. It`s called drama for a reason.

-Prince Harry is a gift from God, although I can never admit it, he really is. God I loved that nazi uniform he wore. That made me laugh, blimy.

-Prince William behaves too well, just like his mum, but Kate shows potential. She grown on me. That titt stunt was breasttaking. Do it while your young Kate, thats my advice. Diana never listened to that. She was to caught up in goodwill.

-Charles have been good. One massive divorce. A sting of oneliners, headliners and rumours of all kind. The guy basically saved us for decades after my shiny body got old. I was hot in my days... those where the days... If I only could turn back time.

-Costumes and castles aren`t enough to bliss the people these days. Their used to rock stars, pop stars and porn stars. We where the original pop stars. It`s time to reclame the throne. If it`s gossip they want. Then be it. I slept with Tony Blair. That was my condition to show public grief after the death of Diana.

 Photo Michael Gwyther-Jones

Chávez Looks For A Bigger Country To Run

-Screw you guys. I`m outta here.
Hugo Boss. -I know I won the election. I know I am Venezuela, but you are to small for me now. I need a bigger challenge. I need to get out of this mosh pit.

-I`m not interested in the States. I`ll pass on that shit hole any day. I`m more interested in Brazil, France, Russia or China.

-My cousin wants to run Argentina. I got 5 billion barrels of oil who says he will. And I would like to have the Czech Republic as my own party backyard. Kinda like the way America had their backyard sale here, but with a liquor license.

Photo www_ukberri_net

Little Girl In Pakistan Not Impressed With The New Crystler 300 C Luxury

-It`s not a car for families who want to do honor killings.
Roadkill. -I don`t think it`s any Luxury at all not being old enough to buy or drive it. Quite the contrary. It adds insult to injury.

-When am I ever going to afford one, or drive one when I can. I`m stuck in the dust. The question for me has always been, "How easy it it to break into". "Is there any money lying around". "Can anybody drive manual?". Can I sell it at the black market?

-These are important criterias when you judge a car in Pakistan. Is it god for giving birth? Can you fit a human body in the trunk? Does it come with a showel? Is the owner an important person? Can he disappear without anybody asking why? How hard is it to place an explosive devise underneath the car and how certain can you be the driver dies?

-You see, we`re not interested in Volvo`s. They`re safety focus works against our purpose. Our aim is to kill kill kill and Chrysler is not up for the job.

 Photo srizki

Hitler`s List Denied Filming In Auswitch

Dark humor. -You Americans take yourself too seriously. It`s only a comedy. Like a Hitlerish Life of Brian. Come on, jugend says the Arabic film director Ali.

He admits it`s a long list to film. -We though after 2-3 million deaths we might have enough, but we don`t. It`s something about the Jews. We never get enough.

The film is a loose adaption of the Prophet Hitler and his journey through life. -He wrote the Bible Mein Kampf, he became a leader among men and did a lot of things we only dream of in the Middle East.

-None of us would have the balls to declare war on the world. Maybe fly an airplane toward a building or two... It`s so tiny compared to Hitler. We went against Sovjet Union, United Kingdom, France, USA... what was he thinking? What was he thinking?

-We find it funny. We don`t have the same relationship to WW2 as you. To us it`s something that happened  to some other people far away we had nothing to do with. First time I heard it I LOL'ed it. I could not believe it. I mean, we got to make a move about this man. What was his name again? Hitler? F@#k me!

 Photo cesargp

-I Took This Job To Find A Guy With The Right Size

Shoemania. -I got a hard on right now. We all do. You don`t do this line of work unless you got a thing for shoes.

-We all look for the right one, except us who look for the right pair. When we find that we can finally be at one with ourselves. It takes two to tango, not four. But it takes two pairs to be a couple. And to really get some action out of a foursome you got to invite another couple...

-I make up these weird reason for people to invite me into their bedroom. I find the gay approach more successful.


WikiLeaks Refuse To Show The Pope Papers

-So so my little children. I`ve taken
 care of business.


Photo Sergey Gabdurakhmanov

Scientist Spent $50 Million To Find Out What It`s Like To Spend $50 Million

-I tell everybody it`s fucking awesome. 
Simon says. -I asked to board of Friendly Science for a grant to find it out and they gave it to me. No questions asked. As long as it didn`t challenge economic que I could asked for anything, says the highly paid and acclaimed scientist Albert Hope.

-Next time I will try to find out what it takes to spend 100 million $. I think it takes 200 million $ so I will ask for 300 in case I need 400. Then I only need to ask for another 100. And after that I will research what it`s like to do whatever.

-I could go for "at all cost". But figuring out that might even exceed my limitations. We all have a price, atleast I do. Anything above that is too much for me. Which means I will get problems above my pay grade. Unless I did it for free, but that wouldn`t solve any problem would it.

 Photo Idaho National Laboratory

Stoner Confused When Pig In A Poke Turned Out To Be His Best Friend

-I`m going to take this back to the store before he
understand that I understand what`s going on, dude.
Judgement day. -I went out to buy a pig in a poke! I know my friend is a pig, but in a poke? I had no idea it was him everyone talked about. I thought I would know about it if he was famous. Why did he hide his celebrity asks P.

-It still baffles me. There where nothing with him who indicated stardom. As far as I know, he had no skills, thats was what we had in common. It was what brought us together. It was the glue to our relationship. And he turns out to be the fucking pigmaster.

-They say friends come and go, but pigs fucks you in the ass. I guess they where right.

-I always looked at him as a monkey, not a pig. How could I know he was a monkeypig. I should have never judged him by his looks, smell, or any other fluids coming out of his body while he farted.

 Photo âœâ˜„ KAIRUUINZURO âœâ˜„

Proud New Car Owner: -I Could Have Bought A Shit Car Instead

Mystery car. -I blew 2.000.000$ on a Mercedes Niqab and I can`t brag about it. I could aswell put a cow underneath that cloth, says Baba.

-It`s different than with women. I care about the car. I want everyone to know I drive her. I want them to know she is mine. That she`s with me.

-The whole cover up thing works well with women. I got 15 wives, 2 dozen girlfriends, 700 hundred lovers around the country and a few thousand abroad plus a monkey - and nobody know cause I only fuck one at the time.

I have no interest in driving the same car all the time! Somebody unleash me of this religion!!!

Photo Paul Keller

Hitler Turned In His Grave When He Heard Israel`s Prime Minister Talk About Bombing Iran

-Sometimes, when your making a huge turnover,
you got to get dressed.
Until life do us part. -What? The Jews attack us? The Jews using the bomb on us? The poor uneducated muslims? Those neanderthal monkeys? The three bashers? The clothes hangers? The human looking non humans? Why?

-Am I still buried on the same planet? Did somebody move my bunker to the moon? I heard they made a good movie about it. Hehe. If only...

Apparently the Führer has turned around quite a few times in his grave over the years. At the end of the cold war, any war really and when Apple launched iPhone 5.

-What? Are they getting this with an A6 chip now? Where is this ending? Are they trying to build the Third Reich here? I tried that. It failed. Try something else and don`t get nearly everything right. It makes me look so awful.

-I could have invented Apple. If I only had Steve Jobs. Damn you Steve. You came to late. I could have been really popular. With that legacy everything is forgotten. It`s too much cool stuff in there to be rejected. 

Photo Recuerdos de Pandora

Instead Of Showing Off Their New Economic Power With A Space Program, Brasil Launch Earth Program

-We are the new Las Vegas, but for real.
There is no fake shit here.
Clitoriosity. -Before heading into space I suggested we should take a closer look at earth first and see if we are done here. It`s basic knowledge you finnish one thing before you start another project and we quickly realised there is so much here that need our attention way more then a spacecastle, laughs Brasil`s President Dilma Rousseff aka Cleopatra.

-People have forgotten to have fun. All this focus on crisises, either political, financial or natural. I say, deal with it. It`s part of life. If you can`t handle it, then don`t. If you do, like us, come on over. Life is not pre designed to go smoothly. Thats why we have arms and legs. Their there to move around in a rocky environment. See what happens to people who have everything they need. They grow bored. So I say, lets party.

-Come to Brasil, here you can smoke, drink, dance, spend cash, on everything you like, until the sun goes down and the sun never goes down in Brasil. Feel good about wasting some time under the sun. Forget your kids. Spend your money on yourself.

-Quit your job. Get a divorce. Sell your house. Sign up your kids as organ donors and come to Brasil. Bring your friends, your rich friends. Leave your poor at home and forget about them. Forget about the future when you have spent all your money on bullshit. Forget that and live in the now. You know why? Cause it`s worth it.

-Your leaving this planet once just like the astronauts, but your not coming back. So instead of supporting NASA, join Brazil`s Earth Exploration Programme BEEP and discover what life is like on this planet.

Photo Agência Brasil