today’s post surgery updates

1. no, I am not well enough to do x, y, z
2. I am in pain, still. Called my doctor, waiting for a returned call.
3. If you’ve asked how I am, I am mostly sleeping. If you haven’t asked and think I should be recovered from this now, then f*ck off. Forever. Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200 dollars. Not having a good day today.
4. I cry a lot. I didn’t expect that part. This wasn’t easier than gallbladder or c-sections. Maybe it was the fact that they took my cervix and tubes that made it a bit worse- or the fact that they had to shove a huge piece out of a too small incision, from what dad and R told me (as I’ve not spoken to my doctor since before surgery).
5. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the abdomen multiple times and I am still bleeding through the dressings.
6. I am not dead, people can text me or message me. Unless you’re one of the few that seems to want a reading, then you can forget I have a number.
7. My belly swelling is going down. It’s bruised nicely.
8. Food is gross. All food. I had to negotiate down to 1 piece of toast this morning to take my pain meds. I don’t feel the need to eat two pieces of what taste suspiciously like charred assholes, hair still on.
9. Told R to stop trying to give me a menu. If I have to eat food with my meds, just bring me the minimum and don’t torture me with the prospects.
10. GasX is amazing. If you ever get pumped full of CO2, you will want to eat these things after, just to keep you from screaming in pain. Gas pains are hideous.
11. Please send me funny memes. Anything funny. IDGAF how tasteless. It’s boring being bedridden.
12. Pooping is miraculous after abdominal surgery- and appalling. All hail the workings of the kishkes. Once they start functioning again, it’s like the heavens have opened up. If the ‘heavens’ were closer to your rectum, that is.
13. I cannot discuss food right now, people. I don’t like it, possibly for one of the rare times in my life. Even the thought of it makes me wanna puke.
14. I love coffee. Coffee and tea are the only two things keeping me sane right now.