Why women hate women (on social media)


A UK study by Scope has found that, of the 1500 people surveyed, 62 per cent felt inadequate and jealous when they compared their achievements and life events to those of their friends on social media.

This unjustified jealousy is not a new thing. For a long time, women have compared themselves to, judged and even been jealous of each other, for what seems like every reason under the sun. Why do women hate women?

With the advent of social media, where we can instantly find out what everyone is doing (or claims to be doing), the jealousy can be overwhelming for some, resulting in the feeling of failure and a sense of not living up to their full potential.

Why are women like this?

If we are the ‘fairer sex’, then why is it that some of us like nothing more than tearing each other down instead of building each other up?

In an article by Shoba Rao, titled ‘Jealousy, sex and mummies: Why women hate women’, she writes about the reasons women are jealous of other women and, surprise, surprise, jealousy is the top answer.

Rao writes, “Very few people will pat you on the back and say ‘well done’. There’s a million and one women out there hoping you fail. It highlights their own insecurities, they find a reason to hate other women and they end up projecting their own insecurities”.

So with jealousy seemingly running rampant in our lives, the question remains: how do we deal with and stop being jealous of the woman who is succeeding? Why do women hate women?

Dr. Nikki Goldstein suggests, “…women need to stop focusing on what other women have, and spend more time on learning to focus on themselves to get their own self-confidence back”. We couldn’t agree more. But this is, of course, easier said than done.

If our jealousy of other women is doing more harm than good, then we should, as a group of women serious about success, change this. So where to start?

First, don’t believe everything you read on social media. Many people tend to ‘curate’ and polish their posts to give a particular impression of their lives.

Second, instead of seeing someone else’s success as your failures, just be happy that a woman who is working as hard as you has finally reached a milestone — and congratulate her.

As Dr. Goldstein believes, “We are a society obsessed with looking at others, and what they are doing. Social media has added to this. We need to go back to our own lives, focus on ourselves, not them, and switch the mindset”.

Even if this means sitting on the couch, looking up at the ceiling for three days after shutting off our devices. This is exactly what some of the people surveyed by Scope did for Scope’s Digital Detox weekend, with one self confessed social media addict admitting:

I’m a heavy user. I’m an avid tweeter, an online tutor, a prolific Facebooker, a revered Instagrammer, a high scoring Snapchatter, a chatty Whatsapper, no stranger to Google hangout and an ambitious Storifier. I don’t know how or when this happened, but I’m looking forward to the detox.

However women decide to try and combat any jealousy of others, it has to be done.  We can’t accept a situation where women are hating women, especially on social media. The change most certainly begins with you, by reflecting on what’s important to you and where you want to go in life.

Life is too short to worry about what others are doing. Get on with your own plan.


About Rowena Nagy


1 Comment

  1. myworkaustralia@live.com.au'

    Miss B

    August 22, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Frankly, I do not see the point of being jealous of anyone’s success, online or offline.
    It is not a gender thing either. It is how individuals are treated online. This is the big key that could possibly make me shun away from groups or sever ties from particular individuals. In some groups one word or a simple sentence can upset the leader or moderator and you suddenly become a target. It happened that these moderators were women, but I do not judge people by their gender.
    It is the deliberate rudeness, sarcasm, UNPROFESSIONALISM, and lack of communication. Someone can post 5000 words but not communicate much, after a while one switches off. As soon as I sense bitchiness, I walk out.
    I am not sure if most of the people who say they roam in the 6 to 7 digits income is true and real about their businesses.
    People need to think a bit harder, where does jealousy lead you? Nowhere.
    It is best to find one or 3 people you have online compatibility with and grow your audience from there. Find more people who understand what and how you want to communicate as a professional. Professional does not mean you cannot have a laugh, it means respect while you chat online.

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