

Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: You're an idiot, Mr. Kirby.
Anthony P. Kirby: What?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: A stupid idiot.
Anthony P. Kirby: You can't talk to me like that.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Oh, yes I can. Scum, are we? What makes you think you're such a superior human being? Your money? If you do, you're a dull-witted fool, Mr. Kirby. And a poor one at that. You're poorer than any of these people you call scum, because I'll guarantee at least they've got some friends. While you with your jungle and your long claws, as you call 'em, you'll wind up your miserable existence without anything you can call friend. You may be a high mogul to yourself, Mr. Kirby, but to me you're a failure - failure as a man, failure as a human being, even a failure as a father. When your time comes, I doubt if a single tear will be shed over you. The world will probably cry, "Good riddance." That's a nice prospect, Mr. Kirby. I hope you'll enjoy it. I hope you'll get some comfort out of all this coin you've been sweating over then!
[last lines]
Professor: What about you, Alice? Have you a family tree?
Tony Kirby: My dear sir, don't you know that a sycamore *is* a tree?
Tony Kirby: I can feel a scream coming on right now... it's up here, in my throat! It's fighting to get out!
Alice Sycamore: No, please, don't scream!
[she screams]
Henry - the Head Waiter: [comes over] What happened?
Tony Kirby: What happened? Well, there was a mouse!
Henry - the Head Waiter: A mouse in this place?
Tony Kirby: What do you mean, 'mouse'? It was a rat, *this* long, and it had hair on it! And there were six or seven of them!
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Penny, why don't you write a play about Ism-Mania?
Penny Sycamore: Ism-Mania?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Yeah, sure, you know, Communism, Faschism, Voodoo-ism, everybody's got an -ism these days.
Penny Sycamore: Oh
Penny Sycamore: I thought it was some kind of itch or something.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well, it's just as catching. When things go a little bad nowadays, you go out, get yourself an -ism and you're in business.
Alice Sycamore: Have you ever been in a monastery?
Tony Kirby: No, but I'm the fella who got caught in a cave once.
Alice Sycamore: Were you? Whatever happened to you?
Tony Kirby: Well, the cave caved in and I haven't been heard from since.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: [offering grace] Well, Sir, here we are again. We've been getting along pretty good for quite a while now - we're certainly much obliged. Remember all we ask is just to go along the way we are, keep our health; as far as anything else is concerned, we leave that up to you. Thank you.
Donald: I ain't done nothing but I sure is tired.
Rheba: Yeah you always tired, for once you was born tired. Go set the table.
Donald: I don't see why I gots to do your work just because we's engaged.
Bill Hughes: What happened? You were allright last time I saw you.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: One of my granddaughters dared me to slide down the banister.
John Blakely: Too bad, is it serious?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: No, just a sprain or something. The thing I like most about it is the crutches, I've been wanting to walk on them ever since I was a kid. Haven't you?
Tony Kirby: Sometimes you're so beautiful it just gags me.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhof: Lincoln said, "With malice toward none, with charity to all." Nowadays they say, "Think the way I do or I'll bomb the daylights outta you."
Poppins: Your house? Well I don't know, thank you.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Oh go on, you'll love it. Everybody at over at our place does just what he wants to do.
Poppins: Really?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Mmm-hmmmm.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: The same way we do.
Tony Kirby: You know, there never was anything in my life that I couldn't get if I didn't scream loud enough.
Alice Sycamore: Really?
[he screams, and the office boy opens the door]
[both laugh]
Poppins: The die is cast. I'm a lily!
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Have some popcorn.
Poppins: Why shouldn't Ed print up something about the fireworks and put them in the candy boxes? That would advertise the Revolution, wouldn't it?
Paul Sycamore: Say..."Watch for the Revolution, it's coming soon!" How's that?
Ed Carmichael: "Watch for the Revolution, it's coming soon"? Now I can use my big type.
DePinna: We've got plenty of these red flags, you can write about that.
Ed Carmichael: "The Red Flag will sweep the country, get your Red Flags from Sycamore!"
Alice Sycamore: We're going to the Monte Carlo ballet!
Boris Kolenkhov: ...The Monte Carlo ballet? It stinks!
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: How's Essie doing?
Boris Kolenkhov: Confidentially, she stinks.
Tony Kirby: [phone rings. Tony won't let go of Alice's hands] You know, it's a strange sensation - I seem to hear ringing in my ears.
Alice Sycamore: Me, too. And I thought for a moment it was the telephone.
Tony Kirby: Yeah. I hear voices, too. Voices that say, if you don't kiss her soon, you're a chump.
Alice Sycamore: You know, if I were really clever, I could answer the phone without the use of my hands.
Tony Kirby: Saw it done in a circus once.
Tony Kirby: [Alice picks up receiver with her teeth] Hey, wonderful, you'd be a sensation on the trapeze!
Essie Carmichael: No.
Alice Sycamore: I resent what you said about your brain. I think it's beautiful.
Tony Kirby: You do, huh?
Alice Sycamore: Mmmhm
Tony Kirby: I see. Yeah, that's probably the first thing you noticed about me that you liked - my colossal brain.
Alice Sycamore: Well, no. No, it was the back of your head.
Tony Kirby: The back of my head? I've got a big bump back there. Well, what happened when I turned around?
Alice Sycamore: Well, I figured I'd just have to get used to that.
Tony Kirby: Oh, you figured.
Alice Sycamore: And, you know, it might not take very long, but I just figured I'd...
Tony Kirby: ...you just figured you'd just... well, I'm glad you 'figured.'
Alice Sycamore: It's for you.
Alice Sycamore: I got it for you for your birthday.
Tony Kirby: ...It takes courage. You know everybody's afraid to live.
Alice Sycamore: You ought to hear Grandpa on that subject. You know he says most people nowadays are run by fear. Fear of what they eat, fear of what they drink, fear of their jobs, their future, fear of their health. They're scared to save money, and they're scared to spend it. You know what his pet aversion is? The people who commercialize on fear, you know they scare you to death so they can sell you something you don't need.
Tony Kirby: You know, every time I think about how lucky I am, I feel like screaming.
Penny Sycamore: Donald, were you ever in a monastery?
Rheba: Grandpa go to the graduation exercises today?
Essie Carmichael: Guess so.
Neighbor: Did you hear about it, Grandpa? We maybe all have to move.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Who said so?
Maggie O'Neill: Well everybody's talking about it, somebody's buying up everything.
Neighbor: I hear they're buying it up for a big factory or something.
Schmidt: My landlord told me he wouldn't have sold only they offered him so much money.
Neighbor: Nobody wants to move, Grandpa, you know that.
Neighbor: We just put up some shelves, cost $60.
Neighbor: I've been here for 20 years.
Mrs. Schmidt: I think we should see somebody.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Now wait just a minute, don't get excited. We've all been neighbors for a long time, I know that. But if they're buying this property up for a factory, they'll need every foot of ground, won't they?
Neighbor: I guess so.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well now suppose I won't sell them my place, what're they going to do?
Neighbor: That's right, you own your place.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Sure I do.
Neighbor: And they're going to need it too, won't they?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: You bet they will, and it'll take more than money to make me sell my property. Now go on back to work, stop cluttering up the street, we'll all be arrested.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: What if all your deals fall through? Might be a good thing for you.
Anthony P. Kirby: Man, you're crazy.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well, maybe I am, but I used to be just like you once. Then one morning, when I was going up in the elevator... it struck me I wasn't having any fun. So I came right down and never went back. Yes, sir. That was 35 years ago.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Right up to the very last, she couldn't walk into a room without my heart going thump, thump, thump.
Penny Sycamore: Were you ever in a monestery, Mr. Poppins?
Poppins: In a monastery?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: What's the matter, Penny, stuck?
Penny Sycamore: Yes, I've sort of got myself in the monastery and I can't get out.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: It'll come to you, remember how you got out of that jail.
Wilbur G. Henderson, IRS Agent: [to Martin] Our records show you owe back income tax for 14 years.
Ed Carmichael: Hey wait a minute, mister, that's too far back, that's outlawed ain't it?
Wilbur G. Henderson, IRS Agent: What's your name?
Ed Carmichael: What difference does that make?
Wilbur G. Henderson, IRS Agent: You ever file a tax return?
Ed Carmichael: No sir.
Wilbur G. Henderson, IRS Agent: What was your income last year?
Ed Carmichael: I don't know, about $50, wasn't it, Essie?
Essie Carmichael: I don't know.
Tony Kirby: We can't just pop out of the building with no place to go. Very bad idea that, you know. I know two people that did that once - they went out of the building, they were uncertain, so they just walked and walked and walked and finally they just died... of hunger. Now you wouldn't want anything like that to happen... because if, if that happened... you're so beautiful.
Rheba: Why don't you go back to writing your war play, Mrs. Sycamore? I like that one best.
Penny Sycamore: Really, Rheba? Well maybe I will.
Donald: There's only one thing worryin' me - has they got Relief up there?
Rheba: Sure they is. They got Relief everywhere, now.
Donald: They do? Well, let's get on up there, then.
Essie Carmichael: Shall I sock her, Alice?
Doorman: [opening the car door for Kirby] Good morning, Mr. Kirby.
Anthony P. Kirby: Good morning.
Alice Sycamore: [to the Kirby family] The next time you want to go slumming, stay away from our neighbors!
Anthony P. Kirby: Mr. Vanderhoff, you once told me I was a failure as a father.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Oh, I didn't mean that.
Anthony P. Kirby: I know, but I am.
Boris Kolenkhov: I feel so good, life is running around inside of me like a squirrel!
