Oct 15, 2012

R.I.P. Tebow-ery

This might appear to be an odd post because it is on football. I followed the NFL from 1983 to 1999, but only have a passing interest in the game today. Yes, I still watch the Super Bowl, and occasionally some other game, but since Dan Marino, the greatest QB the game has ever seen, retired, I do not watch much football.

Now, I do not begrudge those who rate Joe Montana or Tom Brady as the greater QBs, nor deny that Brett Favre has some statistical superiority over Marino, and feel certain that Peyton Manning will surpass all of the big marks that Marino once held, but, I shall always regard Marino as the special player who should have won a Super Bowl ring, but did not. Kinda like a Charles Barkley but one who had the talent of a Michael Jordan.

Marino played for the wrong team, and later, for the wrong coach. In Barkley's words, the main reason for Marino never winning the big one can be summarized as
Bad team man, bad fucking team...
Now, some time last year a myth was created and it propagated like wildfire. A Christian named Tim Tebow who wore his faith on his sleeve gained the starting spot for the Broncos. Improbably, he led them to a series of wins, including some spectacular finishes in the closing minutes and capped it with an amazing win on the first play of overtime in their first playoff game last season.

Christian America was in ecstasy. Here was a (humble) persevering player who fought through limited talent, and led the Broncos within a game of the promised land. With a winner in John Elway at the helm in Denver, Tebow could do no wrong.

Alaska Palin raved about him and his "faith."

The media played up his faith, marginalized his limited talent, and as long as the Broncos were winning, the myth carried over. With Mitt-like momentum.

As an atheist, I did not care for the mythical prowess of Tebowing, but did not find Tebow himself to be a garrulous Christian. Yes, he gesticulated his faith, but largely kept it to himself. Denver kept winning because they had a solid team, and the unorthodox style of Tebow confused defenses enough that Denver was beating on the door.

Tom Brady then put paid to those hopes decisively, and the dream ended there. For some reason, God did not want Tebow to win, apparently. Neither did man, but let's not spoil it

Now, with such a sensational season the Broncos surely were set for 2012 with a QB sure to improve on the successes. Till the Colts threw in a monkey-wrench.  Peyton Manning, who was the face of that franchise was apparently too costly to re-sign after spending a whole season on the injured list, and was cut loose.

Elway, who knows a thing or two about good QBs, jumped on the chance and signed Manning. Just like that Tebow was traded to the Jets, destined to be a second-stringer, perhaps challenge the more established Mark Sanchez should he fail.

Silence and shock engulfed Christian America. Jesus's chosen QB was dumped like a used condom. It was a fun marriage, but now Tebow was dumped for the better-looking trophy wife. Luminaries like perennial douche-bag Pat Robertson bellowed:
I think the Denver Broncos treated [Tebow] shabbily. OK, so Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback, but he's been injured. If that injury comes back Denver will find itself without a quarterback, and in my opinion, it would serve them right.
There it was, a Christian secretly wishing that the Broncos would get what would be deserved, a HoF QB to be injured for trading away a fundamentally inadequate, gimmicky QB.

Christians! You gotta love them!

As the 2012 season started, the Broncos were doing no better than they would have arguably done with Tebow. Maybe. Till tonight.  They at 2-3, faced the Chargers, divisional rivals, and much had been made of the fact that they were not doing better with Manning.

Promptly, they fell to 0-24 by halftime. Not good. This had all the earmarks of a deal that would become a raging issue in Denver.

No Tebow, no Jesus, no wins. Christian karma?

Then God decided to fuck everybody. Or at least Manning did. In the fourth largest comeback in history, Manning brought the Broncos all the way back, and they ended up winning 35-24.

And just like that, Tebow's myth is history. Praise Jesus!

1 comment:

Bretta said...


Everything Sarah Palin touches turns to shyte.

The minute she became his fan, his career augered in.