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Lack of Affection - 5/6Weeks Pregnant

Hi All,


I would like to first start by saying that this both my girlfriend's and I first child. Prior to her being pregnant, we were completely on fire. We spent all our free time together, but things never got stale. She's a very spontaneous and free person, always willing to do anything. We had an amazing sex life, 2+ times a day most days. We connected on every level. She is(was) the most affectionate, caring, loving person I'd ever met. Since the beginning of the pregnancy, I've been doing my best to be there for her, physically and emotionally. Obviously she's going through some changes already and it's difficult to guess what she needs from me, she's not very open about it at the moment. I did let her know that I feel she's really starting to push me away and that I'm here for her and that she should rely on me and use me as support. Our conversations aren't the same anymore - and I know this will sound very childish, but I don't get the normal "babe" "baby" comments anymore. I point that out to illustrate that the "small things" are no longer there. I hate feeling like I'm being selfish, I don't expect or need her to sit there and explain her love to me every second of the day, I just fear that with how quickly and how dramatically things between us(specifically the way she acts towards me), she may not feel the same about me.


Can anyone tell me if this is normal? She's very disassociated, and naturally I am fearful that if this road continues, we will end up in a very bad spot. The LAST thing I want to do is lose her over something like this.

Oldest First



When I try to talk about the baby, she's usually very short. I feel like it may upset her if I were to bring up things about the baby. Names, what color to do the nursery, etc., etc. When I had asked her about setting up doctors appointments, she was very short and didn't' seem to want to talk about it. I'm okay with the mood swings, and the general lock of affection, but with how drastically things have changed, I'm just afraid of losing her.


At this point I think it's too early to talk about those things- my wife made me promise not to bring up those things until after 12 weeks. She was very nervous about all the changes, and about a miscarriage.


Thank you for that input, that makes sense and is not a perspective that I had thought of. It's one of those things that I guess as I guy, I just don't think about. I will keep it low key, let her bring it up if she wishes to discuss for the time being.


I think that what richica says is a very good point. We got an Amazon lightning deal on a pretty nice baby monitor, but at 5 weeks, my wife was terrified that we would jynx it. I tried to keep reassuring her as best as I could, but it clearly freaked her out to start buying things before the 12 week mark, so that could very well be why your girlfriend is not excited about talking about painting, names, etc.


As for the other general shortness and such, was the pregnancy planned, or had you talked about it before it happened? I know that's a pretty personal question, but I think it could have a pretty large effect on her feelings. If it was more of a surprise, then she is probably having a harder time coming to grips with the idea that she's about to have a ton more responsibility for a tiny defenseless being. Even if it was something you've talked about before, and even if you were actively trying, the reality of it could be hitting her pretty hard. No more (or minimal at least) nights out with the girls, no real vacations for a long time, and also the money.


Try as hard as you can to be supportive without being overbearing. Give her the space she needs, but try to get the point across that you're there when she's ready, and that you want this to be as positive as you can. And, if it's anything like our first ultrasound, when you get yours it should hopefully be so positive that it helps turn her back to your side.


First off, thank you so much for the input! I can say that it was a "semi"planned pregnancy. We had spoken of it very often, however we didn't have that conversation where we both sat down and said "okay, lets try" However, I can say that the night it happened, there was an "accident"(use your imagination). I told her that I did, and said that we would need to get the morning after pill. We had a very real and open conversation about it, and decided NOT to do it. It was just as much her choice as mine, as i had actually suggested getting the pill in the first place. But we talked about it, and we did agree that, hey, if it happens, then it was meant to be. We didn't want to "cheat" ourselves out of it. So to say it was a surprise pregnancy would be incorrect. We knew there was a very real chance of it happening. This is why I think it's more fear of just everything changing, not so much fear of me being the "right one" or her not caring for me anymore. Nevertheless, it sure is difficult.


Hang in there, Steve. I was a miserable bïtch the first ten weeks or so with both pregnancies. My husband and I have a very solid relationship and I wanted nothing to do with him those first few weeks. I was resentful and irrational. I would snap at him and then in the same breath apologize. It will get better. Relax and wait it out. Good luck


Thank you! I really hope things just settle down. Shes just so distant, cancelled our plans for the only two nights we'd have for each other this week, so all I can do is just wait it out and hope. 


steve1578, it's as if you wrote the words for me in this post! I am experiencing a nearly identical phenomenon with my normally amazingly wonderful and caring wife! Our pregnancy was planned, she was sooo excited to get pregnant and we had a very similar active sex life as well. Now at week 8, she drops all the terms of endearment and has grown cold, almost emotionless to me and to any discussion about the baby. In fact, she called me annoying for telling her I love her so much. I'm being told by her friends is that this is very normal. You and I and many other dad's will not recognize our wives/girlfriends for a good chunk of the end of the first trimester because the discomfort and nausea has replaced their sweet beautiful souls with that of a cranky, occupied, unfeeling, autistic level disassociation wife/girlfriend. I feel for you brother. All I can say is everyone is telling me what the other replies on your post has told you, it sucks, keep loving her even though she will NOT show it back, and it will pass eventually.


Best of luck dude.


I would try to take a step back and see how things develop because there are a number of things at play here:

1.  She may be nervous about the state of the pregnancy (scare of the future, worried about possible miscarriage, etc.)

2.  She could feeling stressed and/or hormonal which causes her to behave differently.

Seriously man, I have been together with my wife for 12 years (ie. I know her pretty darn well obviously) and she's now in the 2nd trimester with our first baby.  The first few weeks that she was pregnant...hell actually most of the first trimester, she was like a completely different person.  Like a stranger almost.



Thank you for that post, it's really soothing to know someone else is in as much pain as I am lol! I feel you on the "I love you" front, I haven't heard it back from her in a while. We are in a difficult situation because no matter what you do, you lose. If you're too open to them, try to talk to them and be there for them everyday, they will push you further away because they feel smothered. But if you give them some space(which is definitely what she seems to want) then they want to know why you're so distant. It's impossible to find that perfect median. I just hope you're right, that it passes and things go back to normal.