4 days ago, I lost my beloved green cheek conure Boubou. She was my light, my best friend, we always had fun and she used to follow me EVERYWHERE I went, but now...it's just so empty without her. I am heartbroken, I feel like 3/4 of my heart left with her...

I'm a young adult and still live with my parents and I hate crying in front of them, I can only let myself go during the night and I cry for hours and hours. I can barely sleep and function anymore and I have tons of exams and projects coming up. The past few days I barely slept 3-4 hours, and now 1h and I'm exhausted, I can't even cry anymore. I even tried to force myself to sleep by taking a larger dose of melatonin, but it won't work, my pain for her loss is too strong. Usually 3-5mg does the work, but now even 20mg can't keep me asleep, ony for 4 hours.15 mg had no effects after her death, but before it used to knock me out for a good 14 hours of sleep.

I'm so tired of crying every night, I want her to come back, I cry on her favorite toy and I feel hopeless. I can't stop to remind myself of all the good moments then realize that I'll never ever see her again. She was a ball of joy, jumping everywhere, always being with me from the morning before her bedtime. At this point, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of missing her, I wish to see her at least one last time and tell her how much she meant to me. I still feel her presence around the house, but it doesn't help, I cant spend time w her and see her dancing with happiness anymore... I'm literally so heartbroken it's not even possible how much I cry, she meant sm to me. 

I'm also a single child and she used to comble that loneliness inside of me which almost threw me in a bad place if I didn't get her. 

The next day after her passing, we got another baby. It's a bit fast in some people's opinion, but I don't really care. One friend's passing shouldn't stop us from adopting other animals because there are many that need a home and families. If it weren't for my new little baby, I know that I would have been so much worse, even if I'm already breaking, she keeps me from breaking completely because she's going to be my future from now on and I should focus on taking care of her from now on. 

I wish Boubou and her to be friends, they both means a lot to me. Each one is unique, live ever living being, Boubou is in a special place in my heart, I'll never forget this little lovely dummy, but I can't help and miss her, her sounds, her playful personality. She passed away with a piece of my heart and it will never be the same again...

Sorry for this long message, I needed to get this off my chest because I can't take it anymore even if my friends were very supportive of me and they helped a lot...

Thank you Boubou, for everything. 💔
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