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Why are women so angry?

Illustration for article titled Why are women so angry?

Well, bitches, it's time we start breaking down why we always need to take a Xanax, helpfully presented by Dr. Lawrence "Larry" Wilson. He cares about our weak lady feelings and can understand why we are bitchy and testy and likely to lash out, besides our tiny superegos and our undeveloped prefrontal cortices


Women are fearful

We are small, we are weak, we aren't agile, we menstruate too much and our glands suck. Net result: We don't really successfully do the fight or flight thing very well.

Female hormones cycle monthly, changing each day.This can be upsetting for young, menstruating women because some of them literally think and feel different on different days.Men do not have to deal with this hormonally-caused perception problem.


I know how this is. One day I want cheese and the next I want a salt lick and a third, I want to run over other drivers with my car. This makes me unstable and angry mostly because no snack or person will ever satisfy me. It leads me to do such things like fight other women at clothing sales and perhaps try to engage my tiny lady brain at rhetorical debates, inevitably being angry because I'm angry, hysterical and I just want cheese.

Women weren't loved "the right way" as children

Dads either overshoot or undershoot it. Despite their well developed brains and ability to both manage their energy and their emotions, they invariably fail at parenting. They either spoil us (leading us to be angry Nellie Olsons, spending all our time seething and curling our hair) or ignoring us, leading us to whorishness, desperate for attention.

It is a fatherly love that they crave.It is basically the love of the Creator or God, but in human form.Men, of course, need this, too


It must be hard for men to both want God and feel like God. It must feel like spiritual masturbation.

Women don't understand men's biology

While superior to us, men can't manage their passions and its not their fault. Women need to understand that if we flash some ankle, they can't help being assholes. THEY CAN'T HELP IT.

The solution is to understand biological programming.Then women will keep their bodies well-covered up and avoid tight clothing, lots of makeup, sexy outfits, flirting and other things women do.This will reduce the ways that women tempt men to "fall" for them, which in turn often makes women angry.


Now while we might want to test their Godlike omnipotence, men must be men and if we ladies walk down the street with our faces and arms and shit, well, we need to realize that we have unleashed the effin' fury and deserve what we get. So when you get all pissy about a guy saying "NICE VAGINA", while you are sitting around eating a hoagie, remember it's your fault for not wearing looser sweat pants.

Women resent being women and wish we were men

And not for the obvious reason— i.e being able to become a freemason and live our own Dan Brown fantasy world and then maybe doing shit like Nicholas Cage did in National Treasure and find gold under the Washington Monument or whatever happened during that movie but for this:

Some women resent their gender.They resent being physically weaker, being treated not as well as men in some ways, and some resent the inconvenience, discomfort and emotional upset of their menstrual cycle.

Few leaders in most nations help women make sense of their unique gifts, abilities and role in life.This has gotten worse as men and women have abandoned traditional roles that at least used to give women more direction and a clear idea of their identity in society.


Ok first of all, menstruals. Second of all, all that jobbing and politicking and shit? You need to calm your uterus down, go home, worship your husband and making him a delicious pot pie. I mean fuck, ladies work and run shit? Next you will want to your cat to bark and your dog to meow.

Women can't do stuff because probably menstruals and zinc

I haven't gotten jack shit done because of my uterus. Really. According to Larry, women "are not as action-oriented as men" and do not make "good robbers and rapists" and are "less often presidents of nations, so they can't start the wars". Now, while politically, I appreciate the comparison, it seems confusing at first why this lack of action orientation is a problem.

This can cause some women to become irritable, "bitchy", depressed, upset, or underhanded in their methods of hitting back against those whom they think have hurt them.This can be very subtle and hard to detect.Most of their anger is directed at their mates and their families, because this is where women live most of the time.A lot of their anger is also directed inward, where it causes suppression of emotions, depression and often diseases and emotional upset.


Yup, see when women get our periods, we aren't built to go on a robbing spree or declare war or do other stuff so we act like bitches. Probably slutty bitches in our skirts and turtlenecks and such things that make men feel crazy and we take it out, not making men feel like the Gods they are. We need to slow our roll. Men in our life, like Dr. Larry need to put us in our place so our crazy menstrual selves don't keep declaring a passive aggressive war against gentility and the very fabric of society itself.

picture from here

PS. I'm sure we'll talk about how all women don't have uteri or menstruate and all that stuff, but I think me and Larry will agree, that's just your zinc and copper deficiencies making you bitchy.

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