12 South Park Shirts to Make People Respect Your AUTHORITAH


Unbelievably, last year South Park turned 20. That means that if the kids had aged, they’d be 28 by now, which is kind of a terrifying feeling.

How would life have altered Cartman’s attitude? (It wouldn’t have, there are still Cartmans at 28 and they are still big boned). How old would Ike be??

The Simpsons changed animation and social commentary forever, but South Park took it and made less able to be played before 9 pm. It was great.

So it’s now, on its almost 21st, we bring you our favorite South Park shirts from around the web.

1. Howdy Ho! Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo Loves You, Won’t You Wear Him?

Mr Hanky Southpark Shirt Christmas PooSource: Amazon

Christmas may have been two weeks ago now, but the legend of Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo lives on no matter what time of year it is. Back in the days of South Park being released, there was a video game that was more addictive than Tetris. In it, you got to hunt turkeys and I think, at one point, alien cows? There has been a bunch of South Park games since, and the original had a ton of criticisms about the gameplay. I LOVED IT.  And I love Mr. Hankey and the fact that this South Park t-shirt looks like it's been drawn with him as a pencil. What's more South Park than that?

Get the Mr. Hankey howdy ho shirt on amazon.com

2. All South Park Fans Know What Happens if You Don’t Respect the Fat*ss

Cartman Shirt South Park ShirtsSource: Amazon

At this point, it's a choose-your-own-adventure. What will happen today? Will Cartman poop on your desk? Will you join his ginger revolution? Forcibly crash the Special Olympics? Become a borderline Nazi for Mel Gibson? So many of those things could happen if you don't respect Cartman. He might even sing a song about your mom. If you do respect him, though, he'll be too distracted by tormenting those who don't to make your life a living hell. And to be honest? It's neat that the fat character is the bad guy for a change.

Get the officer Cartman shirt on amazon.com

3. However, I’m Also Not Your Guy, Friend

Buddy Guy South Park ShirtSource: Amazon

Or your friend, buddy. Or any mix of the words hurled between Terrance and Phillip and the other Canadians in a battle of words that only Canadians could have. Between drinking from their bags of milk and apologizing to one another, the Canadians in South Park are kinda the bright spot of the show. Sure, Terrance and Phillip's schtick consists of fart jokes but, I mean, they could poop on someone's desk. Ain't that right, Eric? Honestly, if all arguments were as polite as this, I'd enjoy them more. You can also get the response as a South Park shirt too.

Get the I'm not your buddy shirt on amazon.com

4. You Can Fault Eric Cartman for a Lot of Things But Certainly Not For His Honesty

Keeping it Real Cartman ShirtSource: Amazon

I mean, you can and you should because he's a little [expletive deleted] but if you have to think of one good thing to say about the obnoxious little guy (and one of the best characters ever, despite how horrible he is), it's that he keeps it real. Therefore, this out of all the South Park shirts here is the one that keeps it the most real and kinda makes it the perfect gift for the person in your life who can't keep their opinions to themselves and you can't help but admire them for it. Unless that person is somehow running one of the biggest countries in the world, that's totally allowed.

Get this Cartman t-shirt on amazon.com

5. ‘Member When I Said That Thing That One Time?

South Park Memberberries ShirtSource: Amazon

The idea behind the member berries storyline was incredible. I know, South Park seems like an un-PC cartoon and, in some respects, it is, but the fact that these berries were political commentary on the entire world craving things from the past instead of embarking on newer, better things and learning from the stuff that, at the time, really wasn't so great is both philosophical and badass. They've been around since the Roman era, when they had no fun in their orgies and longed for, er, whatever came before them. (Best ask these Neil deGrasse Tyson shirts since the bada**trophysicist couldn't be contacted).

Get the memberberries shirt on amazon.com

6. Bono Could Learn a Thing or Two From Cartman

Feminist Cartman ShirtSource: TeePublic

Bono and those responsible for Gamergate and... all the other guys who create a gender divide and blame feminists for it, not to mention state 'realistically' that women can't be funny. I shan't get too far into this rant or I'll never dig myself out of the hole, but it is true, and the episode in which Cartman makes digs at Amy Schumer is just that: a dig at her. Women can be funny, can be smart, and can be anything we want to be because humor is not a trait that's given to men alone. Look at Larry the Cable Guy and the rest of his pals. Women rock and this South Park shirt says as much.

Get the feminist Cartman shirt on teepublic.com

7. The Only Thing That Would Make This Better is if They Were All Kenny

The Walking Dead South Park ShirtSource: TeePublic

You know, Walking Dead. Kenny is the original zombie, after all. These are the kinds of crossovers I always find brilliant. While I'm not totally caught up on the Walking Dead yet, I'm still totally in love with Carol, I mean it. Michonne's intro scene where she's walking with her pet walkers on chains (as depicted in this South Park shirt where Stan has Kenny on one) is up there in the top three. Followed closely by Maggie on the horse, decapitating the walkers like the badass she is. Check out this Walking Dead merchandise and these Walking Dead coffee mugs while you're here.

Get this South Park and Walking Dead crossover shirt on teepublic.com

8. What Did We Say About Being Honest? Friendship Can’t Buy Cheesy Poofs

Statement Cartman Quote ShirtSource: Amazon

I have a feeling there's only Butters that actually would. And maybe Cartman's mom before she got tired of his Mr. Hanky and stood up for herself. Still, regardless of his attitude, Cartman still has friends which is both perplexing and wild and shows that they really must love him deep down. Or love calling him a fata**, which is fair since he really does bring it on himself. But also, I mean, the gang hasn't paid him anything yet so that must mean...  

...Cartman loves them too?

Get this statement Cartman t-shirt on amazon.com

9. Say Anything Would Have Been Way Better With Stan and Wendy

South Park TopSource: Amazon

Granted, there would have been way more puking going on, but that in itself would be more exciting than an 80's flick with the admittedly handsome John Cusack. Any smart, pop-culture infatuated person would be able to tell you which rap album this South Park shirt is making a satire of, but because I know more about 16 Candles and John Hughesish flicks than I do Run DMC, you're gonna have to just go with me on this one. Or send me a mixtape that I can play on a boombox I hold over my head on a daily basis. Either way...

Get this South Park characters shirt on amazon.com

10. I Almost Definitely Think He Means Unless You Pay Him or Beg Him to Stay

Screw You Guys Cartman South Park ShirtSource: TeePublic

Which nobody does and, again, he sticks around, because he loves his friends, you guys. (I hope that was read in a Cartman voice or else I'm totally not doing my job here). This is one of the South Park shirts I picked out that I'd wear on a regular basis, no matter the weather. It's one of the best quotes the series has brought us, better even than, "You killed Kenny!" but let's keep that on the down-low since we've got a pretty adorable Kenny shirt coming up to round up the article. Deal? In the meantime, look at these adorable dogs in superhero costumes.  

Get the screw you guys Cartman shirt on teepublic.com

11. Why Are Goth Kids So Sad? EVERYONE Looks Good in Black!

Goth Kids South Park Emo ShirtSource: Amazon

The coffee chain we shan't mention after the Christmas period due to the sugar content and the sudden care for diet-watching can only be improved by geekiness. The goths episode is one that'll go down in history and, despite it being after my own personal goth phase (it lasted a week), so it was only right there was a spot for it here. They also kinda have a point, albeit it's a point best crooned by Morrissey, life is a pain without coffee. Check out these Ghostbusters mugs and Wonder Woman mugs that will help remedy all of that.

Get the Goth kids coffee shirt on amazon.com

12. Oh My God, Guys, I Almost Made a South Park Shirts Article Without an I Killed Kenny Shirt???

I Killed Kenny South Park ShirtSource: Amazon

I promised you, and with this South Park shirt you can freely walk around and be called the b-word. South Park was the b-word for a while. Kenny was killed off for good and the show, as we knew it, changed more than it had or would until the episodal format turned to a series one (which we're all still divided on). Wearing this, you won't feel too bad since he does come back to life a lot and there's no blood like the blood of somebody who replenishes it faster than Cartman eats cheesy poofs.

Get the I killed Kenny shirt on amazon.com

If you’re a fan of cartoons, we have your best interests in our geek hearts! Check out these Adventure Time shirts, this Rick and Morty clothing; some Pokemon watches, Scooby Doo toys, and Digimon toys, or this Bob’s Burgers merchandise.