7 Reasons Why You Should be Sleeping Naked

Posted on May 21, 2019


Refinery 29 has nailed the Wow-I-Didn’t-Know-That-Shit headline. The site covers everything pop culture/fashion/anyone or anything starting with K (Kardashian/Kondo/kombucha). It’s Life in the Boomer Lane’s go-to site that allows her to wow her friends with insider knowledge, when, in effect, she has only read the headline (Example: “If you stayed alert through the series, you’d have realized that there was no way Sansa could have scored the Iron Throne.”)

This time, Refinery 29 has tossed out a not-to-be-ignored headline: “7 Reasons Why You Should be Sleeping Naked,” and followed it with these attention-grabbing stats: “58% of Americans sleep in the nude. 65% of millenials sleep in the nude.” The sentences could just as easily have been “Post-menopausal women are underrepresented in nude-sleeping population.”

The article continues by explaining just why people prefer to sleep in the nude. Not surprisingly, the majority do not sleep in the nude just in case an acceptable sexual partner might happen to find their way to their bedroom. The boring answers were “more comfortable,” “more relaxed,” “simply sleep better.”

But, unlike our president and most of the GOP, humans crave anything science-based,  Refinery 29 provides.  It goes on to explain that, while the feel of sheets rubbing against your private parts instills in you a profound sense of relaxation, there is actually hard scientific evidence that it is actually good for you.

LBL must now pause and ask Loyal Readers to imagine with her some Refinery 29 editor telling Erika (the author of the article) that she should come up with scientific reasons why doing something most people want to do anyway is actually good for them. After reviewing various possibilities (ice cream consumption, cheating on income taxes, getting drunk) the editor and Erika settle on naked sleeping. It’s then up to Erika to come up with something. Her answer is the word “could.” Using the word “could” to bleat the benefits of naked sleeping (or anything else) absolves one of actually stating anything as fact.  Here, then, is the list Erika comes up with:

  1. Sleeping naked could help you sleep better
  2. Sleeping naked could be good for your skin
  3. Sleeping naked could be good for your vagina
  4. Sleeping naked could be good for your sperm
  5. Sleeping naked could be good for your relationship
  6. Sleeping naked with a partner could help reduce stress
  7. Sleeping naked could improve your body image and make you happier

LBL has reviewed this list at great length.  None of these reasons had her flinging off her pjs for any of the “could”s on the list. She will, however leave you with the wise words stated in #3, since talking about vaginas always does wonders for her blog stats:

“Going naked might not have a benefit over wearing cotton undies, but it won’t hurt — and it’s definitely preferable to sleeping in spandex.”

LBL doesn’t personality know of anyone who sleeps in spandex, unless they are committed to making Life Under Trump even more excruciating than it already is. That aside, she is totally onboard with Erika, here.  She will only add that going naked is also preferable to wearing sandpaper panties or chain mail panties or panties made of Styrofoam. Then again, she can only speak for herself. There may be Readers out there who would disagree.


Posted in: research, satire, sleep