Posted on 19 January 2020


One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted-living apartment, killing him instantly.



-- Joke submitted by Belina   [Jokes]






A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

-- Joke submitted by ziapod   [Jokes]






A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving.

The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions.

He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle."

The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel."

-- Joke submitted by Spatch   [Jokes]






An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when all of a sudden a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.






"Ooh... Can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.



-- Joke submitted by Gomer   [Jokes]










The chief turns to the hunter with surprise, "What, you've never heard of the Indian Nipple-less 500?"

-- Joke submitted by zuzu   [Jokes]






Things to do at a supermarket






6. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.


8. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."

9. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

10. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.


12. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

13. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

14. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.




18. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.



21. Play a game of indoor freeze tag.

22. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming".

23. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes.


25. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane.



28. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight.



31. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section.


33. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.

34. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (don't try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.

35. If people aren't looking at their cart, steal it.



38. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught.

39. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.

40. Repeatedly say "The clowns are not eating me."

41. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.

42. Rearrange items as you see fit.



45. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).

46. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recommended).

47. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.

48. Follow someone until they notice.

49. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial.

50. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.

51. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over again in the middle of a clothes rack.

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]