Question: Please, please help! I am a loyal reader of your column and I love it. I am begging you to answer this question as it has been driving me crazy for years. No bets on the line, just my sanity. On the final episode of M*A*S*H, Charles befriends a group of North Korean musicians. He then tries to teach them to play a piece by Mozart. Can you tell me the name of this piece? I am almost positive it was Mozart but I could be wrong on that point. — Karen, Minneapolis, Minn.

Televisionary: Insanity begone! It was indeed Mozart. "Quintet for Clarinet and Strings (K. 581)," in fact. (But the musicians were Chinese, not North Korean.)