Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Change

There's a pet store on Robertson Boulevard with the unfortunate name, "Many Paws." Say it out loud. You see what I mean. Mr. Rosenberg never fails to point this store out as we drive by, "I'm going through Many Paws!" Oh, how we'd laugh. Until now.

Friends? Many Paws is here.

Heralded by sudden weight gain, mood swings, irritability, sleep disruption, fatigue, hot flashes, and night sweats, the whole glamorous package has arrived. I have always pictured this happening when I was older, meaning sometime in the future, meaning never. AARP is knocking at my door, I hear my prom theme on the oldies station, and I qualify for the "senior discount" on Tuesdays at the outlet mall, but this is different. Now, my own body is working against me. Come on, man. We had a deal.

Yes, I am grateful to have made it this far in life. And yes, this is a natural season of being a healthy woman. Still, growing older is weird and I have an inability to differentiate between hormone fluctuation anxiety blah blah and the good old-fashioned "mean reds." And yes, "mean reds" is an old reference. What the sweet Mary is going on here?

My doctor let me know that because I'm going through the "change of life," my daily multi-vitamin must now be of the"silver" variety. This pleases me not. I suppose you could call all of this an acceptance problem.

I get that change is the only constant, but this change of life is difficult. I have a kid in third grade, why am I feeling like a grandma? I remember graduating from Elle Magazine to More Magazine - for the over forty-set. What do the over-fifties get? The decidedly un-sexy Reader's Digest and a magazine actually called, Good Old Days.

I have always loved the saying, "Let go or be dragged." I know I need to face reality, follow my body's direction and just let go of the youthful side of fifty. Aging does have its perks. The handiest being that the older and wiser thing is a cliche because it's true. I feel wiser and wise enough to recognize that today's now is a good now.

Paula Pell wrote, "I'm going to stop telling people my age and just let my free coffee at McDonalds tell the story." The change has arrived and I'm not going to argue with free coffee.


  1. Oh, so many surprises you have to encounter yet.
    Mother Nature is a cruel, cruel bitch.

  2. I told my OBGyn I felt like I had the kind of PMS that makes one crazy permanently! Keep your sense of humor!

  3. Aww, honey, it really IS weird. I had to have a hys last year so I went through many paws immediately. It was strange. I didn't have any of the classic symptoms but instead had terrible BO and became lactose intolerant. Overnight.

    Mother Nature has a terrible terrible sense of humor.

  4. Change bites but if anyone can embrace with verve its you!

  5. The cool thing is that YOU don't need to change at all, you only need weather the changes. Because you are exquisite.

  6. I love your writing. Clear and simple.

  7. A few years ago, my ob/gyn was trying to determine how close I was to this point in life. She asked me, "Do you get mood swings?"
    I said, "Doctor, I teach junior high. I don't know if it's their mood swings or mine that make me want to kill them sometimes."
    She just laughed.

  8. hahaha I loved this! I love your posts! I am 50 and female and have noticed the really annoying soft, squishy tummy weight gain that refuses to leave no matter what I do! Also lying in bed at night and all of a sudden having to throw off ALL of the covers because you are sweating like a pig! Yup

  9. I. Love. This.

    Listen, I just saw you the other night and, for what it's worth, you're still smokin' hot. And I'm not referring to any kind of flash. #truth