Thursday, June 24, 2010


I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me...
-David Bowie, Changes






That whole chapter is pretty deep. Note the final sentence:


Kill you? That's a bit extreme, right?





And my heart was physically rotting in my chest.




  1. Well wtf? I am relieved in a sense considering I've never dealt with Goetia because it's an area of magickal practice that causes my defenses to go up (not the pre-programmed Christian ones, just... my spirit jumps), but I am lost in another sense. So much of what you have learned and practiced has only led you to this point and refined your being.

    What if all that WAS in fact necessary in your Hermetic path of initiation and you're only saying in retrospect that it wasn't? How would you know that to be true, not only on an intellectual level, but much deeper, without having interacted with those spirits personally and learning the ins and outs of it by working it out on your own?

    What if, and bare with me, it might just be a facet of the path necessary for certain people in order to be *beaten into a teachable state* in order to be a fitting vessel of true Wisdom and initiation?

    You know where I'm at. I've only Worked directly with the archangels and a few of their direct subordinates in conjurations and talisman making (some of my attempts really quite vain and others more noble). I've never conjured (to my knowledge) an evil spirit. What if I miss a valuable lesson?

    And who gets to answer that question? These are questions that should be considered.

  2. Well that's just gay. I was looking forward to eventually reading it. I think you might be overreacting just a bit. I think your book should still be available somewhere for folks that haven't conjured about half the spirits in the Ars Goetia. I'm not saying that what happened to you isn't a shitty deal but it doesn't mean everyone's bound to have such bad experiences with the Ars Goetia. Also, if you really did consider them evil from the start perhaps you should've avoid em altogether? Just curious. Cheers!

  3. @Rufus: If you need any help or a shoulder, just shoot me an email, or give a call. I don't think you do, as you now live in a point and click version of reality, but I'd just like to throw that out there.

    It takes a lot of chutzpa to admit when you make a mistake, and even more to do it publicly, and still more to pull a possible money making venture aside out of conscience. Well done, good sir.

    Now, the Red Work course, is that going to be teaching folks how to get to where you are now? Once you stabilize the state, of course. I think it will be very beneficial to a great many people if that is so. Having a teacher, and not having to go through an administrative body to get teachings that work because you can flat out prove that they do.

    Your journey has been really inspiring, dude. Every success helps inspire the rest of us on in dark moments, and every missing of the mark gives us consolation with our own mistakes.



  5. @Martialus: Dude, that's EXACTLY what I would say! Except I don't call people or situations gay as a derogatory term. I love my gay friends too much for that.

    I'm sure you are saying something more people are thinking.

    But hey, for the record? Fuck you! You're wrong, I didn't think they were evil from the start, review the blog posts. I was the one arguing AGAINST them being evil. Turned out I was wrong.

    You want a demon book, go after Jake Stratton-Kent. He's more Goety than I'll ever be. Hermeticists don't need demons.

  6. I had no idea about your heart. So sorry to hear that.

    For me, I have always maintained that they are troublesome spirits who can cause problems if not under a tight leash, but they do have their place in magic.

    Do you think that maybe the problems stem more from the amount of exposure and the type of exposure you had to them? The pot for instance gave them a constant presence in your life.

    I also agree with you though that if you have access to the levels of work that in your system are represented by the Trans-planetary spheres, that the need for evoking demons is nearly non-existent.

    Funny enough, last weeks lesson in the course was all about the nature of Grimoire Spirits. I got a nice thumbs up from Chris Warnock for it.

    So what are you going to do with the pot?

    Are you going to do something to cut ties with them and clear any residual stuff?

  7. @Jason,

    Oddly enough, the spirit pot grew legs and walked away on its own before I could decommission it. I'll tell you about it some day when I'm less pressed for time.

    I've got a ton of seals and shit I've got to get rid of. The plan at the moment is to solder them into a brass vessel with lead and toss them into a lake. Tradition!

    I'd like to hear more about when you consider Working with demons at this point in your career. I'll post it to an ask me anything.

  8. I often have that ‘can’t find the words’ thing but I just talk anyway and someway, somehow it all seems to work out.........

    I soooooooooooo hear you on the weather thing. Weather has been a central part of my journey. Focus, control and not getting too loose are really important as it can sometimes spiral out of control a little. All coincidental of course ;) A dust storm here, a minor earthquake there, or an isolated paddock completely shredded by hail...........but occasionally the planets literally align themselves to smile at you, right at the moment when you know you have just done something good. A grip is a really important thing to have at this point. Good to see you “getting” Agrippa.

    I don’t know a lot about Buddhism or eastern religions, as much as I love them, there are just only so many hours in a day......but off memory, the Tibetans acknowledge spirits comparable to the Goets and in any complete system of spirituality you will find their like. In short you can run but you cannot hide. Maybe a different belief system will provide a smoother transition, a different angle to come at it from, a different framework. However, whichever path you choose, you are going to bring your Christian upbringing and beliefs with you. I think that is why Abramelin suggests coming at that particular operation at peace with your childhood religious faith.

    There is more to the Goets than just asking them for stuff. I have never asked the Goets for money, for instance. If I need money I call on Ophiel or Zadkiel and they kick my but and tell me to get my shit together and then highlight the ways I can get myself out of the shit. Personally I prefer to get my but kicked up front so I know what I am dealing with than having to pay for it latter. There really is no such thing as a free lunch. The Goets, on the other hand, can turn up when needed and provide insight that other spirits would not be able to, and are often recommended by the angels as the insight needed lays in their realm. It is a big world Josh, denial of the Goets is not the answer, a ch-ch-ch-ch-change in your perception of them is:
    (Turn and face the stranger)
    Don't want to be a richer man
    (Turn and face the stranger)
    Just gonna have to be a different man
    Time may change me
    But I can't trace time
    These points need to be worked through not denied in whichever path you choose. Cutting them out of your sphere will leave a big black hole, much like Binah really, eventually you will have to accept them, though possibly not in the way you know them now. Possibly you do need a break and some time to recuperate. Seriously, if they are giving you a hard time and you feel that they are affecting your health, talk to Jake. He appears to understand them, better than most, on more than just a superficial level. It may help clear up the crap you are going through now, or maybe latter if you are still experiencing health issues.

    Also ask yourself why is you HGA allowing this to occur? In Abramelin, for example, these are the very type of spirits your HGA will bring to you. Maybe you did miss something. If you don’t know the answer, then ask.

    To “know how all things be fitted to all things” (Agrippa) does not include putting the ones you don’t like out of mind and out of site because you do not want to deal with them.

    Wishing you well
    But babe, best of luck on your path whatever path you choose.

  9. Kathy, don't forget that in Abramelin, these aren't the spirits that were brought. These are a completely different set of spirits altogether. Same class, supposedly, but still different.

    Also, and more importantly, remember that in Abramelin the "Sacred Magic" was second best, a consolation prize to the younger son who couldn't get the best.

    I've talked to my HGA, and he has been allowing this shit to happen for a very specific reason, part of which is to ground me and keep me from trying to run with no feet, as it were.

    Lots of people are uncomfortable with me giving up working with the Goetia, which I find really interesting. I think those of you who feel that way are like, "WTF!?" and are trying to be nice. I appreciate that, but I've got pretty thick skin and can handle a challenge or two.

    But Kathy, I immersed myself in the Pseudomonarchia/Lemegeton's Goetia a lot further than most people who talk about it on the web. Most of the more experienced conversationalists on the Lemegeton's Goetia spirits have conjured maybe 2 or three of the spirits, Vassago, Seere, Bune, and Dantalion getting the most press. A very rare few have worked 5-10.

    I conjured nearly half of them actively, and all 72 of them passively while writing the Modern Goetic Grimoire. I had personal relationships with more of these dudes than anyone I've met.

    I also had a shit lot of random bad luck for years. I blamed this and that and the other, but since releasing my attachment, de-energizing my intent to Work these spirits, things have already started flowing in a different direction in my life, Order is emerging from Chaos, and things are getting better all the time. I've got a hundred little proofs that I've made the right decision, more than I've got time to list, but some day I'll get around to it.

    And you know me, I'm fucking stubborn as a bull. For me to change my mind, it takes a whole hell of a lot, a lot more than a passing physical ailment or some financial troubles. I've seen something amazing, and it's turned me around.

    And you are totally right about something needing to fill the gap I've got left. I'm not giving up working with "sub-lunar" spirits by any means. In fact, I've found in the Arbatel a branch of Governors, Princes, Nobles, and Secrets that has aspects of the Celestial and Terrestrial spheres combined. I've also still got the Intelligences and Spirits of Agrippa's tablets of the planets, the Four Princes of the Angles of the World (found out something really interesting about Direction-focused Elemental magic as opposed to Element-focused Elemental magic that explains a lot about the "Genii Loci"). It's only the Pseudomonarchia/Lem. Goetia demons I'm ejecting from my sphere. Not the whole of all sub-lunar spirits.

    It could just be baggage from my Christian upbringing, but I've asked others who have experience with the Lem's Goetia specifically, and none of them have any of the success Abraham describes in Abramelin. At what point does it stop being coincidence?

  10. That's good to hear mate, would hate to see you getting all lop sided now, you might have toppled over.

    Hope the heart issue clears up quickly for you. Health issues are shit.

    Love Kathy

  11. Well said. Might I suggest a future book focused on sub-lunar spirits with more on Genus Loci (the main reason I picked up the Goetia book to being with) in the future?

    My sympathies for your illness and best wishes for a speedy recovery.

  12. Ummm, just so happens I have a really nice brass pot that I never got around to using:) Never engraved it or anything! If you like shoot me a snail mail addy and I'll be happy to send it to you. Hell, I'll even throw in a chunk of solder!

    All the best Rufus, and get well soon:)

    Frater EH'e

  13. Frater RO I am sorry to hear of your troubles and your ill-health. I truly wish you a speedy recovery. I've read your ebooks and enjoyed them a great deal and hope that when your difficulties are over you will continue to write and teach :-).

    If I may be so bold as to ask, is it possible that the difficulties that arose from working with the goetic spirits were due to too close of a relationship with them? Or as Jason Miller puts it, exposure?

    In some of the ATR "hot" spirits are often worked in conjunction with "cooler" spirits and they are only turned to for specific occassions and purposes. They are rarely the main component of the practitioners work.

    The reason I ask is because I sincerely believe that spirits like those of the Ars Goetia have a place in magick. But perhaps the trick is discovering their role and understanding that they are only one facet of the means a magician has towards manifestation.

    Whatever you choose, dear frater, know that your work has been much admired, my prayers go out to you, and I shall continue to follow your progress with eagerness :-)

  14. @Kathy - Thanks! I do tend to go too far with things in general, but I think this time I'm pretty balanced. For me. Regarding health, I'm technically in recovery, but I'm feeling little pain. I know when I've pushed myself too far when I have a sudden and urgent need for a nap. This Eighth Sphere stuff is helping a lot, actually. There's this "chunk" feeling, like a door slamming open that I get in my heart when I do any of the mudra-type things, and it fills with warmth and light. Using it fills the heart center rather than draining it.

    @Fr E'he - I've got one, but thanks! And plenty of lead-based solder that ought to do the trick nicely. :D

  15. @ Fr. SeA:

    The Scribbler, a mage I admire and respect, also brought up a similar point on a recent post at Magian Ruminations.

    It's possible that I needed to go through this. My idolatrous and covetous relationship to money was thoroughly revealed and beaten out of me. In terms of purification and attainment, it's a good point that maybe I had to go through the pain of the Lem's Goetia to reach my current level. I've personally considered it, and determined that it's one of those things that I'll never really know for sure, and it doesn't really matter anyway. Was I led to Goetia to get rid of an internal issue, or did an internal issue get fanned into a consuming flame because I went to the Goetia to satisfy it? Does it matter if the chicken or egg came first? Not to me, as long as I have chicken for Sunday dinner and eggs for breakfast.

    Regarding your path, I can honestly tell you that you will never "have to" conjure an evil spirit. I know a lot about the personal struggles you face, and we share more of them than most magicians. Alcoholism sucks to be burdened with. It wouldn't be so bad if we could have a freakin' drink once in a while! :D

    I'll still be teaching methods of Working with sub-lunar spirits, I'm just going to focus on the neutral-to-positive influences we can access.

    Rest assured that the Great Work will bring to the surface every issue you're supposed to deal with to get to the next levels in your quest for Wholeness. Each of the Planetary Sphere initiations will bring crap to the surface, and provide the tools to deal with it constructively. For instance, Venus has a lot of gifts to give you to deal with the issues that arose during that phase. We weren't Working on that at the time, that is, we weren't getting the specific blessings of the sphere, sort of, that would empower you to deal with the dross that came up.

    And if you ever did need to conjure an "evil" spirit, nothing would stop you. But is it a Good Father who lets their children get first degree burns to teach them a fire is hot? I taught my kids about fire by showing them what happens to wood, marshmallows, hot dogs, and steaks when you put them into flames. They didn't have to burn themselves. They may some day burn themselves through arrogant ignorance, accident, or confusion, but it won't be part of my plan for them to learn a lesson for their own good.

    Maybe God let me get burned, maybe it was part of His Plan, maybe it was a mistake. Doesn't really matter to me, I'm just glad I know how to get rid of demons now, and I'm glad I learned they aren't the answer to the questions I posed them.

  16. That's quite a nice clarification. I suppose you're absolutely on point: Even (and especially) working toward the loftiest aims with the highest of forces, the crap most definitely rose to the surface. I see what you mean.

    I really respect and admire this change of heart and perspective, and I respect your humility and balls-having to be so blunt about something you used to regard so highly. I really like a lot of what you've had to say lately regarding material success, money, attainment -- weeding through what is and is not a beneficial part of the progress in the grand scheme.

    My personal aim is to become more and more a person of the spirit and less of one of the flesh. Yes, I want to hone greater intuitive abilities, powers of influence, a deepened relationship with the powers of the spheres, and a more powerful hand in the process of manifestation in my sphere. I seek not to be "better" or "holier" than the other, but to receive MORE and MORE.

    I think I can appreciate what you have to teach even more highly given some of your more matured attitudes toward the Great Work. Perhaps I can dodge some of the pain you've had to endure -- because I certainly have no problem considering your experience and advice.

    Anyhow -- the subject of Goety is one I've always quarreled with internally, and I'm kind of relieved that it doesn't *have* to be a spec on my radar if I choose to opt out.

    I admire this direction of yours.

  17. @Jow, thanks man. I'm sure this is the post-initiatory bliss phase where everything works really well and is awesome, and then it fades and you've got to learn to do all the hard work to get back to where you were at after the initiation. So keep that shoulder ready, eh?

    This will all be in the Red work courses. I need people with me to hymn with. Seems like Bon practitioners have similar experiences more than grimoire magicians, and I think it's because modern CM has convinced people they can't even reach Saturn without losing their "ego," as if we knew what that meant.

  18. @QL:

    Yeah, I'm definitely going to expand that part of the book. I'm going to rewrite it completely, and make it focused on Ruach conjure magic instead of Nephesh for the necromancy, and the legions of servants under the planetary governors, and the Genii Loci.

    Have you ever seen the anime movie Karas? The take on the Yokai are pretty much how I'm seeing the spirits of the Earth these days. I've gone totally animist. The Genii Loci are like self-aware condensation points of the World Soul, Spiritus Mundi, sort of like emanations from the Mother the way everything else is an Emanation from the First Father. Walls, buildings, city blocks, as well as the dryads, naiads, salamanders, and gnomes are all about. My pen cup has a spirit, and so do the pens inside it.

    I saw one Japanese movie about the Yokai that was premised on the spirits of the discarded things all getting pissed at humanity and releasing their rage against the unloving consumerist world. Another story of artificers taking yokai and putting them into machines.

  19. Good god, RO... You rock my world.

    You're awesome. Officially king of the internet.

    I'm very tempted to print and save this whole things... Comments and all.

  20. You are doing some serious trailblazing here, Frater....I am beyond intrigued. I'm rooting for you, vuluzuela in hand, World-Cup style.

    Sorry to hear about your illness; happy to hear that you have it in hand.

  21. I never said that you initially thought they were evil just pointing out that if you had that suspicion why work with Goetics especially as extensively as you have? In any case, fuck you right back mate! Cheers!

  22. @RO: shoulder is here dude ;)

    And i agree. A lot of CM that has come down to us seems to stop half way and has these exaggerated Uberclaims of Saturn and Beyond. I think we can learn a lot from our eastern brothers and sisters where not only do a few people attain every generation, but you can recognize them.

    Every experience I've had of Saturn and Beyond has been extraordinary awe inspiring "Whoa", when you start getting there, but once you stabilize you start to realize "Hey, THIS his how I really am, how WE really are."

    If a few people a generation are not actually getting to the goal, then we are failing as an overall tradition.

    May you be the first of many, dude :)

    The only safe way for my to Hymn is in silence!


    Lol, I <3 you so hard, RO! That's going to be my business model I think.

