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Sarcastic one liners

Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!

tags: attitude, sarcastic
+1-163.38 % / 90 votes.

What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalog?

tags: autumn, Christmas, sarcastic
+1-163.35 % / 74 votes.

Duck tape fixes everything... Except relationships because she won't let you put it over her mouth.

tags: communication, love, sarcastic, women
+1-163.32 % / 61 votes.

Fat people are lucky - they get to eat whatever they want and not worry about getting fat.

tags: fat, life, sarcastic
+1-163.32 % / 61 votes.

How did the reporter kill himself? Noosepaper.

tags: death, puns, sarcastic, work
+1-163.32 % / 61 votes.

When a twitter troll disappears it just means his mom changed the wifi password until his chores are done.

tags: family, IT, kids, sarcastic
+1-163.30 % / 27 votes.

The only time the world beats a path to your door... It is when you're in the bathroom!

tags: life, puns, sarcastic, time
+1-163.30 % / 27 votes.

Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: "Where to Stay on Vacation" by Moe Tell.

tags: life, puns, sarcastic, summer
+1-163.07 % / 67 votes.

Your body is a poop gun and eating is reloading.

tags: food, life, sarcastic
+1-163.05 % / 54 votes.

What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland? Summer!

tags: sarcastic, summer, time
+1-163.05 % / 54 votes.