Saturday, November 04, 2017

Football Counter-Programming 2017: Week 10

It's week 10 everybody! Do you know where your football team is?

Well--you SHOULDN'T--because I'm here every Saturday trying to get you to do something else rather than watch college football. But I doubt I'm doing a very good job. College football has so many financial resources and media partners at its disposal. And all I've got in my brain, my keyboard, and a too-old laptop.

Sure. . . this technology gives me a platform to try and dissuade you weekly. And sure, without this technology, no one would even know what I was trying to do. But technology is a double-edged sword. It giveth with one port and taketh away with the other. It is modern day magic--a useful tool that only a select few understand and only some are allowed to wield to its fullest extent. The rest of us? Well, we just push plugs into outlets and push power buttons and hope that the digital incantation works as it was promised to do.

Case in point?

I bought a new TV yesterday. Nothing outstanding. Simply a 24 inch Samsung to replace the Emerson brand (what?!!?) 19-inch cathode ray job that we had inherited from Lynda's parents over a decade ago--and which was likely almost a decade old at THAT point. So, even though my new Samsung was absolutely nothing special, it is like replacing a Model A with a new minivan. Both items "do" the same thing. But the Samsung minivan can offer you so much more besides a combustion engine, four wheels, and some seats.

For instance, this Samsung is a Smart TV. And that means it is more complicated. And it means that it needs internet connection to be truly "smart". And that means yet another connection to the home wifi network.

Normally that is not such a problem, right. You follow the on-screen prompts and you select your network name from those of the houses around you. Then you punch in your key code and there you go. A few seconds of the spinning icon, then wham! Netflix on the TV. Stranger Things 2 for everyone!

Unless . . .

What if it doesn't work? Do you know the routers IP address? Do you know the MAC number? How about the DNS setting? Are those even really the problem? Maybe there are simply too many smartphones operating in the house, spreading the wifi juice too thin--like a small amount of butter spread on too much bread. Or maybe your router is down on the main floor in the corner of the house--but your new wifi Smart TV is upstairs in an opposite corner of the house?! That a whole floor of house to transmit through! And how many phones, iPads, laptops, and toaster ovens does that signal have to fight through before you can watch Black Mirror while laying down on your very own bed?

Well--do you know what to do? Because the manual that came with the TV isn't going to be much help. After all, its a pretty general manual--that only covers the very basics of television installation and setup. And besides, you got the M4500 series of television and Samsung has written a manual that covers the M series, as well as the U series, the V series, and maybe a few other alphabets as well. Perhaps you want to go online? Well, good luck finding specific information about your particular model on the Web site. And you can search generic phrases in Google like "Smart TV wifi connect". And you might eventually find some help. But mostly you'll simply find confirmation that there are many, many other people who have fought this battle before you.

So, do like our grandparents did. Go speak to someone in person in an actual store. Maybe they know what to tell you. (But please don't forget to snap a few pictures of your various cables, connections, and ports, so that you can better explain to the clerk how things are set up back at your house. I mean--those smartphones are good for something, right?)

Except . . . uh, oh. Did you forget that the brand new sexy cell phone was released for pre-order just yesterday? And that the store you go to is filled with people wanting to upgrade? Well, you might be waiting for a while. But at least you don't have to dissuade these people from watching college football because they (and their cranky children) are going to be stuck in that store for a while.

But let's say you are lucky--and you get an opportunity to state the nature of your technological emergency to someone when they are putting your name on the waiting list. And that helpful person suggests that you take this number and call the company directly to speak to someone about getting the equipment that you think you need (perhaps a +12 network extender node with an undetectable extension charm for the bag of holding?).

So, go home. Try to verify that fewer people in the house equals a functional wifi connection. (The answer so far is YES.) And then explain your problem to the phone tech you connect with. And hope that the scheduled service call that will happen at your home today will a.) resolve your problem, b.) maybe upgrade your network equipment as necessary, c.) NOT result in an increased monthly bill, and d.) serve as a roadblock to whatever else you might have felt like doing on this day?

Andbutso . . . technology!

It's the future. It's amazing. It's inscrutable magic. And its never going away ore getting simpler.

But . . . whatever else you take away from this story, remember two additional things:

First--no matter how many iPads your offensive line coach has on the sidelines, your alma mater is still going to have trouble transmitting plays to the sophomore quarterback when the game clock is ticking away.

And second--thanks for visiting. Please come back again next week when I have another distraction ready to divert your eyes.

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