

Talking About Dysfunctional Families with Martha MacIsaac

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Ronald Reagan was once quoted as saying, "The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phonebook." That's not much of a joke. But it is a good example of how every family is weird. After all, who reads phonebooks? That's the kind of thing I recently discussed with the lovely Martha MacIsaac, known from such blockbusters as Superbad and now starring in the new NBC political family comedy 1600 Penn, premiering Thursday night on NBC. We also talked about Adam and Eve, Wheel of Fortune, and Uncle Joey.


MARTHA MACISAAC: I didn't know there was any other kind of family. Any person who says their family is perfectly functional is lying.



MS: They were evicted from their home. Had some brother-on-brother murder. Stealing fruit, public nudity. If that's God's blueprint for "family," we're all doing fine.

MM: Yeah, that's a pretty low bar. As long as we don't murder relatives and take advice from talking serpents, we're doing okay.



MS: Wearing matching sweaters, watching Wheel of Fortune together — they're the ones with the decomposing body in the basement.

MM: [Laughs.] If anyone is still watching Wheel of Fortune, that's kinda weird. I watch Jeopardy! every night and Wheel of Fortune follows. And every time I'm like, "Whoa, it's still on! This is still happening!"

MS: You'd think they would've run out of words by now.

MM: Pat and Vanna have the best gig ever. The show is constantly traveling to tropical locations. They probably get to have a couple brews before work. Vanna gets great dresses, and now she doesn't even have to turn tiles on the board anymore. She looks great for fifty.


MM: I love how snarky he gets when people get something wrong. He's always slightly condescending. It's great.


MM: I've thought about this so many times. I want to watch him play against Ken Jennings and that IBM supercomputer.


MM: You just know Watson is bringing the good cheese.


MM: Now I'm going get in trouble if I agree and say that I have one.

MS: So do you have one?

MM: I don't have a creepy uncle, but I certainly have many, many uncles. My mom has twelve brothers and sisters, and my dad has two sisters and three brothers. Their maturity level is still hovering around fifteen when they all get together, but they're not necessarily creepy.

MS: Well, I don't mean "creepy uncle" in a let's-play-hide-the-nickel kind of way. More in a Full House Uncle Joey way.



MM: And did you know that he was the inspiration for Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill? Every time I hear "I'll go down on you in a theater," I think, No! Don't go down on Uncle Joey!

MS: I've got a nephew and two little nieces, so I'm fully prepared to take on the role of creepy uncle.

MM: You're going to man up. I like it. I'm an aunt, so I guess I'll go for creepy aunt? Is that a thing? My nieces don't have any uncles, and I don't want them to miss out.

MS: You have to. It's key to their development. Personally, my objective is to tell it to them like it is. The straight dirt about life.



MM: Yeah, I'm a big cup-half-full girl. But my cup is generally just full. Not even half-full. I'm talking full cup.

MS: Right now I'm actually starting to prep my niece's birds-and-bees talk.

MM: Oh boy, she's getting it from you? Looks like you've got that creepy-uncle award nailed. You win.

MS: Well, no one officially asked me to do it. But I'm taking some initiative.

MM: Here's a trick to giving the birds-and-bees talk: You gotta do it in a car, so they can't escape. That's what all my girlfriends' parents did.

MS: I don't have a car, but maybe I'll do it on the subway.

MM: That's even better. Way creepier.


MM: How so?

MS: Well, we used to have shows like All in the Family and Roseanne and Married with Children, where the fighting and shenanigans were still relatable. But now we're at Honey Boo Boo levels.

MM: Oh, I think Honey Boo Boo's family is way more functional than, say, the Kardashians. As embarrassed as I am to say that I watch Honey Boo Boo, and as weird as they may be, they seem like they genuinely love each other. They accept each other, even if they're farting, or peeing on the couch, or eating ketchup and butter sauce together.


MM: Totally.

MS: All right, I'm now going ask you three of the toughest questions you've ever been asked by me in an Esquire interview.

MM: Hit me.



MS: Valid answer. Personally, I would do it, but I'd be one of the untalented ones who stays sane, like Marlon. Just collecting my paychecks and playing with my brother's monkey.

MM: Fine, it works if you're a Marlon.


MM: Probably not join a gang, because I'd just be scared all the time. My number-one fear is going to jail, so none of that. Being in a cult is also scary, so don't want to do that. I'm not really a big video-gamer, but can I switch that to playing puzzles and board games?

MS: Really? You can't just switch the side effects to something you like to do already.

MM: All right, video games. I'll play Mario Kart. Or, maybe I can just start my own cult. I'm switching my answer from video games to cult. Like a fun, happy cult. No drinking Kool-Aid or doing scary stuff.

MS: So like a book club?



MM: Uh, I mean, you gotta stop child suffering, right? You're putting me between a rock and a hard place. It's like, do you want your mom to die, or do you wanna watch a funny movie?

MS: No, not your mom. It's child suffering. So, your daughter.

MM: I'm gonna have to go with ending child suffering. Even though it's gonna be a pretty bleak world after that.

I Hate You, Kelly Donahuehttp://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=esquiremag-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1440527547.


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