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Married People Reveal Just How Different Their Spouse Is Than Their Exes

Love at first sight is not very practical, but when you meet that special someone it just feels right. These people reveal how they knew that they found the person they married.

u/Kynsade asks:

Married Redditors: How was your spouse different from any of your exes when you were dating? How did you know they were "it"?

When the love keeps you sticking around


I never got sick of being around her. 16 years and I haven't yet. I can remember dating other women and just wishing I could be anywhere else.


When the conversation flows

I didn't have to try coming up with things to talk about. I didn't pretend like I was really cool, I wasn't shy about my honest opinion, I was able to be fully myself with this person, and it was so easy.

I also felt no social energy being drained from hanging out with him, and still don't. Both of us just knew. Still better than ever 8 years later. 😊


A clean track record


I can always assume that she means the best in everything she says or does. It's been over 10 years and she hasn't let me down yet.


When the typically annoying things bring comfort

When your biggest relationship worry is that the snoring has always pushed others away, but she said on the first night, "Your snoring is like a comfort blanket to me. I slept like a baby knowing you were there with me."


When loyalty is priority

I had a pretty bad accident, was hospitalized for over a month and we didn't know if I was going to live, or ever walk again. He stayed when sh*t really hit the fan. He bathed me, dressed me, wiped my butt. The whole nine.


Communication is key


She wasn't playing games. She didn't insult or attack me just because she was angry. When she does get upset with me, she is able to communicate with me and doesn't just passive-aggressively assume I should know what's wrong.


A trip away tells all

I knew he was the one when we went away for the weekend together for the first time and I realized I actually enjoyed being with him and didn't want to kill him by the end of the weekend...


When they go above and beyond

My father passed away very unexpectedly and we had been dating for only 6 months at the time. He flew across country to be with me and my family (whom he hadn't met yet), bought meals for us, mowed the lawn, replaced my sister's worn down tires, did laundry, picked up family members from the airport. All the little details that needed attention were the things he took care of so me and my family could greive. I couldn't imagine anyone else I had dated before doing something like that.


Home is where the heart is


I could be completely myself, felt completely at ease and at home with him and wasn't at all worried about what to talk about and what I needed to do to keep him interested in me. I felt like I was in an equal, healthy, respectful and loving partnership and knew he would always be super loyal, committed and there for me.


When you can't get enough

Honestly? I didn't get sick of him.

I know that sounds random, but in all of my previous relationships, there came a point where they became grating, or things I'd previously found normal became insufferable over time, or I'd realize that things I'd overlooked early on really shouldn't have been overlooked (e.g. my one ex who happened to have a love of drinking beer while driving his truck).

When I started dating my hubs, I was pretty sure I'd eventually tire of some aspect of him, or begin to find a flaw or three that would grow and become unbearable over time. But I never did. He has flaws, but they're just... part of him, you know?


Sometimes you just know

This is such a great question that I always wondered as a single person. "How would I know if this person was the one?" I guess I can answer that now. I know it's probably different for everyone. My SIL and BIL dated for two years as a trial run and then said if they were together for two years they'd get married. Seems kinda strange to many, but 20+ years later it seems to work well for them. For me and my now husband, we just knew almost right away. I can't describe the feeling well—I knew he was different the first date. I had a real connection with him on the "I find him attractive but honestly I just love talking to him" level. I just knew if we were to actually be in a relationship we would get married. A couple weeks in we were in love and I knew this was it. And it was. It's a mixed bag of influences; the attraction of course, the way he was so solid in everything—his kindness in every way, the way he made me laugh, his intelligence, our deep talks, everything about him just fit into me. I could tell his feelings and words and actions were genuine, this wasn't a game, and this was real for him like it was for me. Ah, I love that man. I'm gonna go tell him again


When a mix tape does the trick


He made me a mix tape. I listened to nothing else for weeks. Twenty years later I still perceive the opening to Operation Mindcrime as a love song. :D


Reliability can seal the deal

The biggest difference in my SO was his consistency. Texted and called consistently. Showed up for plans. He's reliable and he was always all in. To him, we were always a team and he refused to walk away from that.


Independence and support

It became clear early on that he thought of me as a complete person with my own independent path and not a girlfriend-shaped presence in his life who only existed to fit into it on his terms. He supported me without first thinking about what it meant for him, and took me for what I was without making it about him. We started dating at 21, and that was depressingly rare in other guys I had dated up until that point.


Nice guys get the girl


He was never mean to me. He never said things to hurt my self-esteem, when he was feeling low or we were in a fight. I felt emotionally safe with him. And, he is incredibly smart. I always did (and still do) love talking to him. He says things that change my mind, make me think, puts things in a new light. That was probably the thing that made me want to marry him, I knew I'd never be bored.


Let her be!

He just let me BE. It sounds really simple, but it isn't.

Being a woman you don't realize how much criticism you get from male partners until it's gone. In every other relationship I had ever had I was constantly told things like "you should grow your hair out" "I like it when you wear X". I was also expected to take care of all domestic duties even though I generally worked more then my partners. And at the time it genuinely didn't bother me. I thought that was just the way of things.


Listening makes all the difference

He actually listened to me when I talked, and if we had any sort of disagreements we'd talk it out. In the almost 8 years together we have never raised our voice or cussed each other out. We've had some "major" disagreements but we never had a fight -- we had a talk.


When you are telepathic


I didn't have an "idea" of us that I tried to make us fit into. We pretty much shared and still share a brain. We lived almost 2 hours away from each other but would often text each other the same thing at the same time. We'd be in the car together and one of us would say something and it would be the same thing the other was thinking. I had never had that with anyone. And when we fought we were always able to resolve it easily because our communication and honesty was always really open and easy.


A deep understanding is a clear sign

I asked my supervisor about this. She looked at me for a moment, then dipped her head back down with a smile and said, "I thought about it, and there's really no one else I would rather spend my life with. We broke up once and we still found our way back. We were long-distance for two years and we survived that. He knows me. Like, he really knows me. He's romantic without being provoked. He just wants to treat me right. We just really understand each other."



They didn't ask me to change a thing about me.


When they make you a better version of yourself


It was apparent right away that she made me a better person. I had always been a good person and always employed, but being with her made me want to do more.


When you respect their respect

Lots of things, but the one that I've been able to note through the years is her self-respect which consequently leads me to respect her as well, which is crucial during those certain moments in a relationship.


When you come from two different worlds

We've been married 49 years, August 2. On our first date I knew she might be the one. Any girl that could eat a hamburger faster than I did was a keeper. She was everything I wasn't, danced in college plays, played an instrument, knew the classics, cultured. I was just a dumb farm boy that didn't even know when to walk in a crosswalk. She was a Spanish education major and I was an animal science major. She had a great sense of humor and very intelligent. I'm sure her folks thought I was the biggest hick ever. It apparently turned out ok after 4 kids and 49 years later.


When you want them with or without an arm


She fell off a balcony and shattered most of the bones in her arm. I didn't know if she'd lose it or not until they wheeled her out of surgery and I saw she got to keep it. But while I was waiting I realized none of it mattered.


When they help you grow

The first couple of times we hung out, we sat and talked for hours. We had a ton in common, and he was really easy to talk to. But I think the main thing that set him apart from others that I dated was that I felt comfortable just being myself with him. I was jaded in many ways from a lot of previous experiences in my life, and he allowed me the comfort to confront some of my own issues, to grow beyond things I had held myself back from.


Sometimes it takes a little push

She demanded respect from me. She wouldn't tolerate any games or non commitment because she knew she was worth it. She did not put up with my bulls***. I fell in line, and I fell in love.


When she has your crotch covered


I got a new dog that had a bad habit of jumping paws first directly on my crotch whenever I was sitting on the couch. I'd kind of developed a reflex to cover said crotch whenever the dog would start to lunge my way. One day, I was sitting next to my girlfriend (now wife) on the couch and had a drink in one hand and the remote control in the other. When the dog jumped towards me, my girlfriend covered my crotch for me. That was it. I knew.


When they show you real love

I know this sounds lame but being with him made me realize I was never actually in love before. What I have with him is real love. He's patient. He's giving. He's gentle. He's selfless. He's honest. He treats everyone with respect and nobody has a bad word to say about him. I love him more than I've ever loved anything. :)


When they take everything as is

Well, first of all, just to get to the premise of your question - that somehow when I met (or came to know my husband) I saw he had what all the others lacked and saw he was "it" or "the one." I don't believe in this concept, I think there are lots of "ones" and nobody is perfect or perfect for you - like Dan Savage says there is not settling down without settling for.

That said. The big things he had different than all my other exes is that he had no hang ups, no neuroses, no preconceived notions about relationships, what women should be like or what they should look like.


Vulnerability is key


He REALLY LIKED me. I have an anxious attachment style, and with others, I was always wondering where I stood with them. With him, he never shied away from telling me how much he liked me. It took me a few months to believe that was for real, but the willingness to be so vulnerable about feelings was a big deal to me.


When she accepts your herpes

We were long distance before and during dating. We had a visit scheduled. She was coming to see me for the first time since we met and we were pretty close to starting to date officially. From wrestling in high school, I contracted mat herpes and get an outbreak on my forehead about once a year. A couple days before she came to visit I got an especially bad outbreak. Nasty looking stuff on my forehead a little bigger than a silver dollar. Not only is it unsightly, but it has an especially negative connotation since most people associate the herpes virus with genital herpes, plus it's highly contagious via skin to skin contact. I was anxious for days about how I was going to tell her and hoping she wouldn't be too freaked out. I called her and tried to lay everything out, preparing for her to be really uncomfortable and put off.

Her response was "Oh that's it? Can I still cuddle you?"

Just the first of dozens of personal things that she blew me away with her acceptance of.


When you can fart loud and proud

On our second date, we where in his bed and having a good time. It was late night, we were talking like we'd known each other for years, even though we had only just met for the first time a few days prior. All of a sudden he mentioned that he had a wild urge to fart. I said, "fire away". He farted like there was no tomorrow. I laughed so hard and a few seconds later let out my own gassy adventure. From that moment I knew, if both of us can be that relaxed and comfortable around each other, it must be "it".


When it's really chill


My now husband and I started off as a sort of friends with benefits relationship, where we really liked each other too, however I was sure I was moving away as soon as possible, and he was in the midst of a divorce. Because of this, everything was super low key. I remember thinking to myself "I can't get mad at him for X issue because we're just really casual."

Well, that created an environment where we were just super straightforward with everything. There were no games or jealousy or expectations at all, we just hung out.


When the fun never ends

First date story: we met up at a bar and sat on the back patio and just talked to each other the whole night. Not a single moment of awkwardness and no small talk. Once the bar closed, we didn't want to say bye yet so we went to his house down the street. We stayed up all night baking cookies, watched Donnie Darko, and playing guitar. We never slept and I didn't leave until I had to go to class the next day. Staying up all night became a pretty regular thing for us because we were having too much fun just hanging out.


All it takes is some food and magic

When we were first dating I went over to her place, we had sex, smoked a joint then fell asleep. We both woke up around 2am and she brought me leftover chicken and fries in bed before we fell asleep again.

I knew she was the one that point. Happily married for 5 years now.