Sorry I Look Like This

Sorry I Look Like This

"Sorry I look like this. The kids have been a little difficult lately and I haven't had time to shower."

This is something I hear myself saying dozens of times a day. 

To the cashier at the grocery store. The barista at Starbucks. The other people in my shared workspace. My friends on video chat. 

Why am I always saying this? It's not like I've ever seen someone in yoga pants and a messy bun and thought to myself, "she certainly owes me an apology for looking like that." So why do I think I need to apologize to everyone else for how I look? 

I've noticed my friends and co-workers do it, too. My employees and I use a video messaging system called Marco Polo to communicate about work since many of us work remotely. The app allows you to record a video message for the recipient, which they can watch back and reply at any time. It's how we get the majority of our work done. But I noticed recently that pretty much every time one of us leaves a message, it begins with, "Sorry I look like this," usually followed with a lengthy explanation of why we look like this. 

It makes me sad that we feel the need to do that. And WHY? It's no one else's business why I'm a walking cloud of Febreze and dry shampoo today. 

I'm a mess because I was giving extra snuggles. Because I was kissing a boo boo. Reading a book. Sharing a cookie. Well, these are my kids we're talking about so let's be real. I was probably putting one of them in time out. 

And you know what? Maybe I'm a mess because I finally got some alone time and I decided I'd rather do literally annnnnnnnnything else but wash and dry my hair. Fight me. 

The weirdest part is that I kind of like the way I look when I'm messy. It's not like I actually hate being without make up or perfectly blown out hair.  I am ONLY apologizing because of what I think someone else thinks about my appearance.  Well, if there is anything I've learned in my more-than-30-but-less-than-40 years on this earth (but need constantly reminded of)  it's that everyone else is far too fixated on their own insecurities to notice my second-day floor-jeans. 

I don't owe anyone an apology or an explanation for the way I look today, so I'm going to stop doing it. I urge you to do the same. It's disrespectful to ourselves. It's also disrespectful to our children, who pay very close attention to the way we talk about ourselves. I don't want my son or my daughter to grow up with the same kind of embarrassed, apologetic outlook on their appearance as I sometimes do. I want them to be confident, empowered, and strong.

That starts with me and the way I talk about myself. And it starts today. 


  • Lucky StaRosa Abueg

    This made me tear up a little-OK fiine- a lot 😂 let’s be kinder to ourselves 💜

  • Jen

    Amazing message- I definitely do this, and I need to more cognizant of what I say in front of my children. We all know better, but somehow in the “cloud of Febreeze and dry shampoo” it is easy to forget we owe no explanation for our awesomeness. 😘

  • Karen

    110% true. Thank you for this.

  • Esther Rojas

    I LOVE this message! Although I’ve always wondered why you say that because you always look put together, even when you say you aren’t. But I too am a “didn’t shower today” mom. Sometimes a “wore these jeans 3 times already” mom. And I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one. But I’m also inspired NOT to apologize for it anymore either. Thanks. Something I needed to hear.

  • Joy Wirasatien

    I fully support this message! Many times than I care to admit.. I come home on a Friday evening, after a long work week, and don’t come out until Monday morning because I don’t want to bother with clothes or makeup!

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