Monday, November 18, 2013

Here We Go

Why is it that during the holiday season, all I can think of are the things I haven't done or accomplished or said?

I haven't kept an organized enough house.  I haven't been a good enough mom, wife, friend, etc.

Basically,  I'm questioning every. single. solitary. crazy. decision I've ever made.

And let me tell's exhausting being in my brain.  I think too much, worry too much, over analyze too much.  Seriously...I've been a basket case lately.

Part of it is the lack of any quiet space in my world right now.  Alex is in week 3 of his recovery of his broken foot and for a kid who has spent his whole life finding ways to escape, he is now here all the time.   

If I had known that a broken foot would have had this effect, I would've broken it for him while he was in high school.  I would've slept more because I would've known where he was.


He spent the first week in pain.  The 2nd week he was mad.  This week?  He's loud and funny and is driving us all a tad bit crazy.  He's feeling good, has lots of time on his hands and has a bigger than life personality.

Pray for us...we have 5 more weeks of this.


So I hike.  A lot.  And pray.  A lot.  And cook.  A lot.

And whine.  A whole lot.

This weekend began with a big family dinner with our friends.  We were all pretty worn from the week...nothing a little food and wine and a few rather rowdy games of Sorry couldn't cure.  There were lots of boys here, too...wheelchair tricks and video games and when I went to bed, they were all involved in an intense game of Uno which went on and on and on.

Saturday was an errands day; Sunday was church and lunch and football.

The craziness begins this week: friends from out of town are coming; Thanksgiving needs to be thought out; basketball season begins.  But most important on my calendar?  Scheduled in quiet time to pray; to read God's word; to regroup and refocus.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Around The House

Last night, there was cheese.

And wine.

And Frank Sinatra.

And a boy who was throwing things in his bedroom because he wasn't understanding his homework.   

I went into organizing mode yesterday and feel like, for the last 24 hours, that everything is somewhat in order.  But just to keep it real...that guy that I like so much stubbed his toe on a pile of cookbooks in the middle of the night and I have NEVER posted a weekly meal plan for my family before.

Mainly because, while I love each one of them, I don't want to hear what they don't like and what they won't eat and the can't we have this instead?

Just can't deal with all that, so instead I just keep them guessing.

It works for me.

(But doesn't it look pretty on the board?  Yeah, I think so, too.)

In my attempt to reclaim Advent, I am doing a little something each and every day to prepare for it.  Most of my Christmas cookie doughs have been made and are in the freezer; come December, all I'll have to do is bake them up.  My shopping is pretty close to being done and rather than stress over all of it and how much it is costing, I am carefully choosing for each person and trying to be more intentional.  There won't be as many gifts to unwrap this year, but that's ok...the ones that are given have been purchased (or made or assembled) with a purely joyful heart.

I like that.

SoCal has temps in the 80's this week...the sweaters are hanging in the closet and we're back in t-shirts and flip flops.  It's actually nice and I must say that I am kinda hoping it is like this on Thanksgiving Day so we can eat in the garden.

And speaking of's officially happening.  One of my own won't be here because he'll be with the girl he loves and her family.  We've been trumped, which is what is supposed to happen at this stage of the game...and I'm ok with it, but it's just strange, that's all.  

They're growing up, my houseful.


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

What You See... what you get.  Unfortunately.

I'm speaking at a conference soon and they needed a bio.  And then I procrastinated...and procrastinated some more.  And then their people called my people and my people had 5 minutes to write something and send it off.  And yep, I know you're supposed to have a shiny, cute bio but my people were in a creative rut.  

Let’s face it…I’m the mom of a houseful of boys and this is what I look like most of the time. I’ve been blessed with much and deserving of none of it; but thankful for all of it. A husband who listens. Three boys who make me laugh, cry and pray. A sweet little house on a little street. 

I write so that someday my boys and their families will know that I was a real person who loved deeply, messed up greatly, forgave easily and most importantly, that I prayed unceasingly for each one of them. For now, though? I’m just ‘Mom, can you get me a sandwich?’ and that’s a pretty OK person to be. 


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Weekend recap

 I was interrupted during my Friday night happy hour with girlfriends (at a fancy schmancy place that served fancy schmancy cocktails) with a text message from that guy that I like so much.

It said, and I quote, 'check your calendar.'

So I did.

 He had made dinner reservations for later that night at Maggiano's...and who am I to argue?  Well, usually I do...but this time I didn't.


A late night, grown-up dinner date on a friday night?


 Frankly, there can't be enough happy hours and dinners out and anything else you can throw my way.  Take one boy, give him a broken foot which keeps him from driving, working, having any amount of freedom and he is, well, driving me batty.  


He has crutches and a wheel chair and a really, really loud voice...and I have the patience of a gnat.  Actually, I have tons of patience while he is sleeping...because while he is sleeping he is not standing and attempting to walk on a cast that isn't meant to be walked on, which means I nag and he gets annoyed and then I get more annoyed and on and on and on until we load ourselves up in the car and go for a drive somewhere just to get out of the house.

Let me just say this.  Thank God for drive-thru's.  

Saturday was clean up day...the laundry room, the linen closet, the pantry, the Halloween decorations.  I was seriously on a roll...until my neighbor invited me over for a glass of wine in the middle of the afternoon.  I practically sprinted over there, shared a bottle of wine and spent the rest of the afternoon watching hallmark channel movies with not an ounce of guilt...the house was clean, after all, and supper was in the oven.

It was a lovely, lovely day.

Sunday...breakfast (scrambled eggs, roasted asparagus, homemade chocolate chip muffins which I accidentally put too much oil in...oops) followed by church followed by football followed by naps for all.

Another lovely, lovely day.

It doesn't happen often, but this weekend was the perfect combination of nothing going on and lots going on.  Kinda nice having Monday off, too...hiked, cooked, took another drive to a drive-thru (today was Sonic...half price slushes between 2-4pm) and just hung with my boys.

Back to reality on Tuesday.


Friday, November 8, 2013

This and That

Welcome to my real life.  My pantry.  Beautiful stained glass door (from France, circa was a church window that we had made into a door) that is so gorgeous, yet my pantry is truly a nightmare on the inside.

That being said, I took everything out, threw away all the expired stuff and put it all back together.  I should have taken an 'after' picture but I you'll just have to take my word for it.


I've been craving salads lately...last nights mix? Beets and fennel and pine nuts and pears and feta.  YUM.  That being said, I've also been craving pumpkin EVERYTHING, pot roast,  homemade ravioli and tomato soup.

Basically, Fall foods.

This week?  I've got a guy that I like so much who is working a lot of evenings, so meals have been quick.  Good, but quick.  That's the theme lately...fill them up and get them on their way to the next activity.

Lots and lots and LOTS of work issues the last few days.  This morning I left the house while everyone was still sleeping with the intent of stopping by Starbucks (hooray for skinny peppermint lattes and hooray for becoming a gold card holder!) and I handled one emergency after another until 11:00am...and realized I had been working for 6 1/2 hours and forgot to stop.

I came home, made myself a cup of coffee with amaretto creamer and worked straight through until 4:30pm.  I'm tired.  Over tired. 

My screen saver?  Taken 4 years ago while sitting on a wall in Assisi.  I miss it.  A lot.

Alex's foot is still broken but we have survived the first week of healing.  The cast comes off twice a week for ultrasound/laser therapy and it is healing well.  The threat of surgery is still there but so far so good...only 7 weeks of this left.


I totally get it.

My cousin sent me a box of heaven...a big box of leaves from her backyard.  The same backyard where I sat last summer.  Man, do I ever love Autumn.  These leaves are now throughout my house...on the kitchen table.  In a basket by the fireplace.  On the mantle.

Doesn't take much to make me happy.


I am SO happy it's Friday!  There's some work to be done, a 19 year old with a broken foot to be taken to lunch, a happy hour to go to.  And then?  Hot tea, my pj's and a pile of magazines to work my way through.

Welcome, weekend!


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Trying To Do It All

This morning I went to work, which means that I rolled out of bed in the darkness of the early morning, made a pot of coffee, and sat at my kitchen table with my computer.  My shoulder was bothering me thanks to a rather rowdy encounter with a yoga instructor, so I made my way to the chiropractor for a little laser therapy, a lecture about what my 40-something year old body should be and shouldn't be doing and a rather groovy tape job up and down my back.

That KT tape?  

My favorite thing ever.

My day continued, the pantry was cleaned out, another pot of coffee was made (that amaretto creamer is SO GOOD), work issues handled, meals planned, 3 miles run on the treadmill, X-ray films picked up and delivered to another office for yet another opinion, two loads of laundry were done.

A girlfriend texted for a late lunch so off I went and by the time I sat down with her, all I could think about were all the things I hadn't done.  I shared my heart with her, telling her what a crummy wife and mother I am...that I just feel like I'm failing at it all.  My bed still wasn't made (and hadn't been since Sunday, truth be told),  I have a boy at home who can't drive, can't walk, can't work and he's bored and sad and driving me crazy, I have a pile of work that I haven't touched, my refrigerator has things growing in it.

She listened, laughed, and made me see the big picture...none of us can do it all.  No house is ever clean enough, Alex's injury is temporary, that life is better lived in the present rather than in the somedays and the what if's.  

Basically, stop beating myself up, order a cappuccino, take a walk in the park, say a prayer of thanks.


Supper was picked up at Costco; calzone's for the boys (that guy that I like so much is working every night this week and isn't home for supper) and a bottle of wine for me.  A piece of toasted bread with olive oil, a string cheese and one glorious, perfect, delicious piece of See's candy rounded out my meal.  

My bed never got made and I forgot to buy cat food, but that's what tomorrow is for.  


Monday, November 4, 2013

Knowing The Plan

This weekend was...well, boring.


I actually prayed for down time, for time to sit and do nothing.  Time to relax.

God answered, though I'd have rather not had a son with a broken foot in order for that to happen.  But then, I'm not calling the shots; He is.  My job along this journey?  Trust.

I do, but I also question.

Why does God seem to make some people's path so big and wide and clear and well lit...almost like a landing strip?

And then, why does God need to schedule a broken foot to get the point across?   

I trust.  I do.  And that's all I can do.  

In fact, I've surrendered.  I really have.  I know there is a greater plan...that while a door has slammed shut there is a window open.  It's at the other end of what seems to be a long hallway, but there is a visible window.

I just wish the hallway was cleaner...and didn't involve a cast.

So this weekend we did...nothing.  Well, not nothing, but close to nothing.  I cleaned out my spice drawer and emptied all my spices into cute little glass containers.  Why?  No clue, but it made me feel better.  I cooked, too...and we ate.  Laundry was done, lists were made, coffee was ground.

Oh, and Hallmark movies (and multiple games of football) were watched.

And by last night, we were all stir crazy.  Brian was invited to a friends for supper and that guy that I like so much was at a concert, so I loaded up Alex and his crutches and we went for a drive.

It was something...and helped improve his mood a bit. 

Western bacon cheeseburgers helped, too.  Four of them.


Only 7 more weekends until he can drive again.  


Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween 2013

Sometimes, when life throws a little curveball your way, you need lunch.  Life is too short to skip lunch.

The chili cheese fries from The Hat?  Seriously, it must've weighed 5 lbs.  It was gloppy and salty and cheesy and really, really good.  I actually only ate one bite but the teens thought it was pretty darn good.

I was saving my calories for wine.  Mama needs wine.

Broken foot.  No fun.  Lots of pain.


Brian had all his friends over for dinner and once the sun began to go down, they headed out to do whatever 15 year olds do on Halloween night.  Emily took the train down for two days to cheer up the patient and then a whole crowd showed up to say hi.  He needed that.  

It's going to be a long, long 8 weeks with the guy who doesn't handle being still very well.  No driving (it's his right foot) and no working (construction) which boils down to no freedom and no money.

This is going to be fun.

We're all a little tired around these parts...I'm looking forward to the weekend.


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