Will he leave his wife

I have been having an affair with a married man for nearly ten years. He says he loves me and wants to leave his wife but it never happens. There are always excuses one after the other. I never see him outside of the working environment. I just do not think that he has the guts to leave her. All the promises he has made has not come to fruition. Deep in my heart I hope he will leave but don’t think he ever will.

I know you are going to tell me to forget about him and carry on with my life—but easier said than done. His wife is very materialistic and very worried about status even though she is not interested in their marriage at all but her attitude is "what will the people think?"

Why does he still stay with her, he does the entire cooking, cleaning etc. Where does that leave me???


Relationships are often governed by competing emotions. And in your case, two separate issues might help explain what is going on—understanding the difference between "being in love" and "attachment."

Love is a strong emotion which typically involves passion and desire—a need to be physically and emotionally intimate with another person. Love is designed to bring people together.

Attachment, on the other hand, is the sense of security, stability and comfort which people derive from their relationships. Attachment is designed to keep people together (see forming attachments).

Because we form attachments to each other, when relationships come to an end, people suffer tremendous sense of loss. The loss of an attachment partner takes away one’s sense of security and stability. As such, the loss of an attachment partner is one of life’s most negative experiences.

Again, love and attachment do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. It is possible to be in love with one person, but have an attachment to someone else.

From your question, it sounds like he loves you, but he is still attached to his wife. If this is the case, it would be very difficult for him to leave her. Attachment bonds can keep people together, even when love is missing in a relationship. In all likelihood, leaving this wife would cause him tremendous loss and suffering.

Where does this leave you?

With a lover who is most likely attached to someone else. Not the most ideal situation to find yourself in. Most men in this type of situation do not leave their wives (see cheating husband and cheating spouse survey).

Ultimately, there is probably little you can do to change things. You are trapped between two very strong and fundamental human emotions (also see sexual desire, love and attachment).

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