Dairy goat

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Dairy goat
Monster ID 83
Locations The Goatlet
Hit Points 50
Attack 68
Defense 61
No-Hit 78
Initiative 80
Meat 40-60
Phylum beast
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, leg, tail, torso
glass of goat's milk, goat cheese
Bounty billy idol
Manuel Shivering Chèvre
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
dairy goat You're fighting a dairy goat

This is a dairy goat. Insert a pun on "udderly" and "utterly", if you're the kind of guy who doesn't get punched in the face enough.

Hit Message(s):

She pulverizes your <face> with her fearsome udders. Ugh! Ooh! Argh! Argh!

She charges at you and gives you two horns right in the leg. Yes, female goats can have horns. Look it up, I ain't your damn search engine. Ooh! Argh! Eek! Ow!

She smacks you with one cloven hoof. Eek! Argh! Oof! Argh!

She squirts goat milk right into your <nipple>. Ick! Ow! Oof! Argh! Ouch! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

With a battle cry of "Lady Odalady Odalady-who!" she leaps into the air and lands right on your head, crushing you beneath her swollen udders. Wonder where this lonely goat heard she could attack you like that? Eek! Ugh! Ooh! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

She swings her udder at you, but misses. She's an udder failure. Yeah, go ahead and punch me in the face.

She tries to charge at you and headbutt, but her swingin' udders slow her down. Five lessons learned for her, I guess.

She squirts goat milk at you, but for you, dodging is a feta compli.

She tries to smack you with her hoof, but you hoof it out of the way.

Fumble Message:

She leaps into the air, jumping from rock to rock, trying to bring down an avalanche on your head. Fortunately, she slips off a narrow ledge and lands on her back in front of you. You flex your opposable thumbs and feel superior. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 40-60 Meat. (average: 50, stdev: 4.47)*
Milk.gifYou acquire an item: glass of goat's milk (20.4% chance)*
Goatcheese.gifYou acquire an item: goat cheese (39.2% chance)*
Goatcheese.gifYou acquire an item: Shivering Chèvre (?? chance)*
Billyidol.gifYou acquire an item: billy idol (100% chance)*
You gain 17 <substat>.

Occurs at The Goatlet.


  • One of the miss messages references the punk band $wingin' Utter$, and their 1998 album Five Lessons Learned.
  • A female goat, or nanny, can in fact have horns.
  • The "feta compli" in the third miss message is a pun combining fait accompli and feta, a type of cheese often made from goat's milk.
  • The critical hit message references (and puns on) "The Lonely Goatherd", a song in The Sound of Music imitative of yodeling.
  • "...if you're the kind of guy who doesn't get punched in the face enough" and "Yeah, go ahead and punch me in the face." are likely referring to the advice of Great Tiger from the NES video game Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, as given on the website TrueMeaningOfLife.com (example).