#19, JULY 2006



by Reggie Queequeg
photos by Mike Muniak
logo by Maya Miller

Man, remember how crazy my Baltimore story was last year when I wrote my No Fun report? Well, this year's report starts with me MOVING to Baltimore. I left my folks' house in MN w/ a rented Chevy "Classic". That is the actual name of the car, it kind of looks like an unmarked white cop car, which would cause lots of speeders coming up on me to slow down and follow me for 15 minutes or so, until deciding that I am NOT a cop.

My first stop is Middle of Nowhere Between Madison and Milwaukee, Wisconsin at my previous tour buddy Mansfield's 100 year old schoolhouse. He was a very good host, and I got plenty drunk and clouded, for the first time in a few weeks. We watched lots of footage of International Noise Conference 2006, which included Mansfield peeing on another former tour buddy RJ's foot, because RJ had stepped on a jellyfish! It is actually the proper medical thing to do and RJ said "Wow, it feels a lot better" on the movie.

Next stop was Akron OH, where I was staying at the house of Tusco Terror, that one band I was raving about in the last review I wrote. Their response to that review was "If you ever need anything, just ask!" So I did, I asked "Can I crash at your house on my moving trip to Baltimore?" and they kindly said yes. It was a super fun time, we ended up going dancing at some crazy Akron discoteque which played lots of indie rock fave songs. I kept on busting Ben Tusco's balls over the songs, like "man, your generation is all about the second Weezer album, even though it totally sucks", and "What the fuck is this song, something from the 2nd Strokes album or some shit?" (it turned out to actually be off the 2nd Yeah Yeah Yeahs album). I apparently even danced to that one Postal Service band, who I always assumed sucked (and I am still pretty sure they do). Also, I booty danced with a Christian girl to that song "Hey Yah" by Outkast, which I had been sick of for a long time, but after a break of hearing it, it's good again!

Then I drove to Baltimore, and heard the Ignition remix by R. Kelly on the radio while rolling into town, which I took to be a good omen. I put most of my gear in Twig's brother Caleb's place, and just stayed on the humongous Tarantula Hill couch. It was a good few days, I became friends w/ this guy Seth who was staying in the guest room, a cool bearded mug from Nebraska (or one of those flat states).

We decided to go up to New York on Thursday, as Carly was doing a performance thing at some sort of dinner theater place, and there was a pre-No Fun gig at this gallery. The place where Carly did her thing, Monkeytown was a pretty impressive place, bar and tables in the front, and in the back was a room w/ couches and 4 huge screens, one on each wall. Carly's performance was about magic, pretty much, but done in a style that reminded me a little bit of those New Agey corporate encounter group things you read about, the ones where people learn about mind over matter by walking across hot coals, but then don't do it properly (it's a physics thing about wood being a poor conductor of heat, you need to walk briskly), then end up getting 2nd degree burns and going to the hospital. However Carly is smarter than that, and things ran pretty smoothly, we did some meditation, ate some chocolate in "the proper way", and did an exercise where you had to stare in the eyes of a person you don't know for an extended period of time. I ended up w/Seth as everyone else found a partner pretty quickly, and we didn't get picked, school gym style. Another part of her piece was a recording of some conversations w/ West Baltimore people, where you were supposed to write down words that caught your attention. Then you were supposed to put it someplace you'd come across it later. I put in in my wallet and came across it at the Tarantula Hill Benefit show a month later, and it read "loud house ok folk system difficulties regular different analyze are shit god smoke house are blame deaf house crime". Which, in some metaphorical ways (is there any other kind?) predicted the upcoming T. Hill crisitunities. Clearly there was some tapping into the place where everything happens at once going on here...

After that we went to the Glass House Gallery, which was a little more burley than I expected, but in a good way. As in, it was a trashed out garbage hut style, but still reasonably clean (no cat shit on the floor or anything), and well run. We got there just as Lambsbread ended, which I was a little pissed about, as I'd heard great things about this band. Met the mugs and mugette from the band though, totally great folks, who are, shall we say, very into reggae, literally and in the wink way. This band Melee played, which is the band Graveyards, only without John Olson, and they did a very nice free electroaccousticwhatever thing, "heavy air" music maybe? M.V. Carbon (I am not sure what the M.V. stands for, but surely it doesn't stand for "Matt Valentine") played solo, and did her witchy Cyndi Lauper reel to real CB mic jams which made me feel very stoned, even though I wasn't yet. Or maybe I was.

Scarcity of Tanks rocked em next, which is the project of that nut Wasco who runs the Slow Toe publishing conglomerate cabal. He was joined by Nate Tusco Terror and Leslie Leslie Keffer on guitars, and then some guy who I can't remember who he was on drums. For the last song, Nate and Leslie went out into the crowd to try and start a mosh pit, which I joined in on. However, no one else did, but we continued to go nutz anyways. Child Abuse went on, and I didn't care for them too much, they were one of those energetic spazz rock bands, which still end up sounding a bit too "lite" for my taste. However, by this time I was loaded for sure, and maybe they were just having a bad night...or maybe not, and they should just quit making music FOREVER! Some sort of Pete Nolan jam-guy thing went on too, but I can't remember what they were like right now. Last was Noel Von Harmonson and Eric Bauer doing a duo, which was pretty awesome, in a falling flat on their ass sort of way. They were both very tired and drunk, Eric played a guitar w/ a screwdriver, sitting down, and Noel had a suitcase full of gear that he set on a keyboard stand, which ended up falling shut all the time! Soundwise it was just sort of ok (like maybe as good as that Thurston Moore / Beck / Tom Surgal tape on Freedom From), but performance wise it was top notch!

Friday, St Patrick's day, the first day of the No Fun Fest. We were there early, as Carly was preparing food for the bands, and since my culinary, and also small motor skills are somewhat limited, I mostly stayed clear after doing some of the heavy lifting. Despite, or no, BECAUSE of this the food was great! The main course was some pasta with noodle sauce, which from what I hear was INCREDIBLE hot, I had it cold later in the evening (I didn't want to be stealing food from the mouths of bands who would be blowin' my mind!). There was also some salad, and some delicious lil' cookies! All in all, a perfect stomach foundation of a meal for a night of intense things happening, and also lots of drinkin'... A-and here's where time starts getting strange for me, I think it was before any bands actually started, Seth comes up and says "Caleb called, there was a fire at Tarantula Hill." Horror crept over me, and I became sort of a zombie for the rest of the night, imagining the worst. A quick mental inventory of what I had over there gave me nothing to complain about, my knockoff Carhardt (Fleet Farm brand) jacket, some blankets, a few clothes, my laptop (which had nothing that important on it). But is Tarantula Hll burned to the ground? Will the people I moved to Baltimore for, some of my favorite people I've ever met, be forced to move someplace else? The show starts, and I barely remember anything for a while. 16 Bitch Pileup did a pretty mellow set, Rat Bastard saying to me "I remember when this band rocked!" Haha! After a while Can't played, Jessica started off with a solo voice song, then did some noise blurbles combined with her angelic voice, it brought tears to my eyes. By this point I'd had enough beers and smokes to the point where I could sort of surf on the paranoia and empathy and animal self preservation insticts a-and still have a good time.

I headed downstairs to check out Deathpile, who featured Mike Connelly in the band, doing some utterly ridiculous power electronics. My favorite song started out "We're fucking back" BALALALALAHAHAHAHAHGHGHGH!!!!! So dumb, and so awesome at the same time. Then I headed upstairs for Aaron Dilloway's set, which was an insane attack! Tons of the Michigan mugs onstage, whipping towels around, rocking fists, bumbing into each other, going nuts! The next band I caught was Bone Awl, who were in the basement, I remember being amazed by the drums sounding so shitty (in an awesome HC song over a clock radio speaker way) and the bass player just standing there, staring ahead, not moving, while a riot was goin' on. I am PRETTY sure this was Bone Awl, but I could be wrong. I spent a lot of time outside, smoking and talking to folks about what was going on with T. Hill. It turned out the house was not going to be condemned, but would have a lot of work to be done. Twig and Carly decided to stay for the next day at least, as Twig was going to be playing, and there wasn't a whole lot they could do right then. Meanwhile, at T. Hill, Max Eisenberg, Peter B., Caleb Johnston, and Lexie Mountain were wading through foot-deep toxic filth water, cleaning the place out! They are heroes! Anyways, Smegma played last, with some legendary jazz guy sitting in with them. They really are the most psychedelic band ever. Every good thing about every good kind of music in every song, then the next song is the good stuff you forgot about. I wish I could remember the name of the jass legend, but it's slipped my mind. He was great too! Oh, I forgot to mention the DJs, Clint Simonson from the DeStijl label, and Stephen O'Malley, who is in that Sunn o)) band. Clint mostly played weirdo stuff, but O'Malley dropped some things like Nick Drake into the mix, and Clint got pissed when people asked if he did it. "I would never play Nick Drake at this fest!" said Clint! And it was a little bit dumb that O'Malley did that, but whatever, I'd probably be even MORE dumb if I was DJing! "Haw haw, it'd be hilarious if I played 'If yr feeling sinister' by Belle and Sebastian," I'd probably say. Then halfway through the song I'd be all "THIS IS DUMB!" and clumsily switch to some other record....

CAN'T brings the tears.

AARON DILLOWAY fends off amorous advances by Ron Lessard.

SMEGMA: They really are the most psychedelic band ever.

The next day, Saturday featured some of the best performances, I thought. I ended up skipping out on the unoffical daytime events, even though they featured awesome folks like Awesome Color, HZMT, and M.V. Carbon, again. Instead I hung out at the Usaisamonster compound, chatting with Tom, Barbara, Colin, and assorted people who were also staying on their floor. They were great hosts! We ate some amazing pancakes, and drank some incredibly good and strong coffee. I went w/ Twig and Carly to the venue early, where I napped a bit, and chatted with people, once again totally not helping with food preparation at all. This food being some great soba noodles and seaweed salad, and those cute little cookies again!

It turned out the first band that was going on was some teenagers whose parents didn't know they were there! They told them they were visiting Denver for the weekend, and instead took a two day bus ride to New York City to play at a noise festival! O.P.C. was the name they were listed as on the bill, but I think they might've actually been going by a different name. Musically they were just sort of ok, the kind of thing that would sound great in a basement I'm sure, but didn't really work on stage. However, you can't beat their story! The night started off with Spider Compass Good Crime Band, which was made up of some giant strangely colored birds with big necks, who played noisy organs. Well sometimes noisy, other times it was more loungey. They were a good low key way to start the evening though. They were also the only full set I stayed for in the basement, since it got really crowded and was difficult to see. Hive Mind played, and sounded great on the big speakers, doing his insect swarm meltdown that turns your mind into the equivalent of a bee hive, drippy, sticky, and full of holes! (And bees.)

Then Bloodyminded played, and were totally ridiculous as always. They had some guy who I think was new in the band who had long hair, and seemed to be a bit of a Rocker Dude. He was going crazy, running around acting wild. At one point Carly got on stage and did some standing meditation thing on the side of the stage, I thought it was interesting to add a feminine peace vibe to the macho HC vibe, but Rocker Dude wasn't having any of it, and threw her off the stage, despite her protests (which I'm sure had to do with her back problems, but it was too loud to hear, I am sure. Fortunately she wasn't injured). Next was White Rock, which is Mouthus+Double Leopards, and they hypnotised me to the point that I can barely remember any of their set.

Twig Harper was next, but beforehand a tape by that one Mothers Against Noise organization was played over the PA, made by the leader of that organization "M. Smith". She seems a bit loopy if you ask me. Her tape was recorded so her voice was slowed down, so she sounded like that one Ween song where they're at the drive-thru! Apparently she thinks her son turned gay from noise music! The person running the sound added some psychedelic effects to it, so it was hard to understand what she was saying during the end portion of the tape. I remember at one point she said something along the lines of "Do any of you have pets? How would you feel if you let your pet out of your house and they commited self destructive acts, or sexual peversion?" Well we have a pet at my house, my main mug Boots the cat, and even though he's been Fixed, I hope he is still commiting sexual perversions when he leaves the house! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, M Smith!!!

Twig played, apparently he had these plans to do all sorts of crazy stereo panning stuff, but that ended up not working, so he winged it, and it was gorgeous. It started off with him manipulating a music box thing, these delicate tones, that eventually became overwhelmed with chaos. "Fuck, my house is burned!" he was yelling during some parts. Much as the delicate stability of his home was overwhelmed by that primordial element, fire. It was AWESOME, and ended up bringing even more tears to my eyes than Jessica Rylan did... Afterwards the crowd went nuts, and you could feel the waves of love coming at you on stage. (I was sitting behind him for the set). It was a great moment. After him, I ended up missing a bunch of Daniel Menche's set, but I'd seen him do his sound check. He had some gear towards the back, and a microphone in front, and he'd run back and forth, somehow creating this huge textural wall of grit. He also had some weird device that I think he held up to his neck, but I have no idea what it was. Getting into the moment, he started hanging from the speakers, which looks good, but is pretty dangerous, and pretty uncool. The owner of the club, Jeff was pretty pissed off about that. It kind of put a damper on his set for me. Then Macronympha played, and I missed them too, but I guess it was chaos, of the uncool kind, and some bottles and tables ended up getting thrown around, which is also pretty uncool. Some guy got his head cut open, and I ended up walking him upstairs to the ambulance later on. I also skipped out on Sutcliffe Jugend, I was a little harsh noised out by that point. Last was the mighty Wolf Eyes, who were unable to play "Burn Your House Down" for Twig and Carly, but were still great! And Aaron Dilloway performed with them for some songs, doing vocals, which ended up completely thrashing up his throat so he could barely talk the next day.

JAMES TWIG HARPER: There is a light that never goes out...

DANIEL MENCHE: It looks good, but is totally unsafe, and not cool...

Next morning Twig and Carly left early to check out the carnage at T. Hill, I stuck around since I really wanted to stay for the whole weekend. The night started off in the basement, which was really where the hot action was that night, with a few very noteable exceptions. First up was The Beast, which was Wolf Eyes with Smegma. The basement was packed, and I couldn't tell who was doing what, but it was a great what! Jambled up jams, fucked beyond belief, another set that hypnotized me. Then I headed up to check out Eloe Omoe, since they were staying at the same place I was, and they are really nice people. I'm glad I caught their set, they are a bass noise plus insane drum band, who manage not to sound like Lightning Bolt. If you are in a bass and drum band, perhaps you should start doing the same thing! Then back downstairs, to check out the Video Madness, which is a project by Nate Young and his lady Alivia doing various sorts of video feedback. It's pretty gorgeous, the source material only occasionally recognizable as some porno, or a strange African movie.

Then back up the stairs for the mighty Fat Worm of Error, I had forgot how much they rip live, and how retarded(ly awesome) Neil Young is to watch play drums. Then I headed back downstairs for a while, where the crowd had cleared a little bit, and a reggae dance party was happening! All kinds of reggae, from King Tubby to "Roxanne" by the Police, to "Roxanne" immediatly after, only played at 33 instead of 45! Brews were smoked, smokes were brewed, and everyone danced the night away, away. Sick Llama played an amazingly sick set, which some people who've seen him play lots said was his best set ever. Then Ex-Cocaine went on, which is Bryan Ramirez (who used to be in Universal Indians) decked out in a University of Michigan basketball Grateful Dead shirt, and a guy whose name I forgot on some sort of bongo drum. They played a definite blues rock set, with some noisy parts, but mostly just goodtimes jamming, late Minneapolis No Doctors style, only they didn't play for too long, as No Doctors had a tendency to do. He even tuned his guitar at one point, a first for No Fun Fest?

Lambsbread crashed the bill, semi-officially, and man, does that band kick ass! A man and a woman shredding guitars, and a drummer who's fast and free. Of all the bands getting the Next Harry Pussy label these days (most of them whom are maybe The Next Yips, on their best night) who'd a thunk these reggae fans from the sticks of Ohio would actually be the ones to step up to the plate? I didn't even mind that much that I missed Leslie Keffer and Thurston Moore's set upstairs, which was one of the sets that I was most excited about! At this point I was pretty wiped out, and couch crashed in the green room for a while, catching the tail end of Borbetomagus. What more can be said about this band? They are the kings of music. Astromero went next, doing a space age hum which made me hallucinate a little bit (generally cats in the corners of my eyes, things like that, but some weird face melt when I walked by a reflection of myself too)!

Closing out the fest was No Neck Blues Band, whom lots of people seemed to be into, but after talking to them afterwards I found out they WEREN'T! I thought they were great, otherwise I would've been hanging out outside! They were a lot more aggro than I'd seen them before, but unlike at DeStijl Fest II, they weren't yelling "Fuck you!" at the audience or anything, they were just attacking their instruments, and doing screaming. At one point David Nuss was naked and covered in (presumably fake) blood. I guess some of the haters said they were too hippieish, but that's the kind of hippy style I can get down with. Getting super stoned, going crazy, writing LSD IS GOD on the wall, giving 14 year olds the clap. And thus ended the No Fun Fest 2006, oh yeah, I forgot to mention this song John Schoen played when he was DJing, it was called "We're An Industrial Band", and it went "we're coming to your town, we're going to bring you down, we're an industrial band", then there'd be a noise jam. It was a great song, I will have to find out who it's by sometime! (Addendum: I found out that it's by Culturcide, and it's on their Tacky Souvenirs of Pre-Revolutionary America, an album which I OWN but hadn't listened to in about 4 years!) Final score: Buildings burned down: 1. Heads cut open: 1. Pipes broken or disappeared: 2 that I know of (mine n' Leslie's). Beers drank: 100,000,000. Barely escaped with what little sanity I have left, and I guess Jeff, the owner of the Hook wants next year to be FOUR DAYS, with an outdoor show on Sunday??? See you in the rubber room, I guess...

FAT WORM OF ERROR: Possibly the LEAST retarded Neil looked during the whole set!

BORBETOMAGUS: Even though they do this pretty much every time they
play, it's always awe-inspiring...