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11 November 2008

Relief and Release

First, thank you for all the kind words and comfort. Your love has meant a lot.

And second, I'm sure everyone is wondering how we're (specifically me) doing. Well, we're doing pretty good, and I feel great. Both physically and spiritually.

The day after it all happened Rob and I went on a date and entrusted Max to my sister. Afterwards, we went to her boyfriend's sisters' where they all were to pick him up. Leah (my sister's boyfriend's sister) had just had a baby 8 days before so I got to hold precious Allie and I was amazed that there was no pain. Despite my feelings on losing the baby, and knowing I was ok, I was still a little worried how I would be around newborns. But I didn't need to worry. Yes, I was looking forward to having my own, but there is no pain or anger or hurt associated with babies or the ones who had them (or are having them). A little sadness, but no pain. And I realized that night that the healing process was complete. Someday I will have my own newborn again, but for now I am content to hold others'.

So, physically I am amazing. I haven't felt this good in a long time. It's kind of funny- having a miscarriage, especially 12 weeks into the pregnancy, makes you realize just how much a pregnancy (and recovery from giving birth/having a newborn) takes out of you. Once you actually have the baby, it's a gradual recovery, while with this it was almost instantaneous. Once the cramps stopped, I was great. I have energy again, and MOTIVATION again (something I have been struggling to muster for awhile now). And I am enjoying it. I really don't think I've felt this great since high school. Iarc (short for Interior Architecture) is insanely demanding, so I've felt like I was dragging for the past five years and I would just tell myself to wait for graduation, everything will be good then. Then I graduated and the month of August was a little crazy and then I got pregnant so I never felt the sense of relief or release I was anticipating. But now, I feel it. And it feels soo good.


  1. so glad to hear you are doing well!
    I had been wondering.

  2. im glad you are feeling better!

  3. I am so glad you are feeling better:)


  4. Wow. I go out of town for a few days and miss out on a whole roller coaster of emotions.

    So glad your testimony and your family could help you through this rough time. And glad you can still hold Caroline for me. :)

  5. i knew you were ok when you touched my belly. :) i'm glad things are going well for you. it's always a little awkward being the pregnant one around those that aren't pregnant but wish they could be. sorry i've been a slacker about play dates these last two weeks. i've been slammed for some reason lately. but let's get together next week. i'll email you.

  6. So glad to hear you are doing so well. You are an inspiration.