The Power of Bauer’s Tongue

It’s another exclusive peak into Jack Bauer’s bible (Anti-Terrorist Edition), where he’s scrawled some notes next to one of his favorite Proverbs.

Let’s get right to it…

Proverbs 25:25 “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.”

10 other things I, Jack Bauer, can do using only my tongue.

1. Break two bones.

2. Unwrap a Starburst fruit chew in 7 seconds and make it into an award-winning origami pheasant.

3. Summon snakes to come and strangle bad guys by whistling at an ultrasonic frequency too high for even dogs to hear, but just high enough that snakes can detect the vibration through their bellies.

4. Read the entire Bible in Braille without taking a drink of water.

5. Erode rocks and create dazzling ice sculptures so beautiful, they would make convicted murderers weep.

6. Tie a cherry stem into a double knot, and then spit it out so fast it would knock you unconscious.

7. If I was thirsty I could push against the roof of my own mouth so hard that I would cry in pain, then catch all the tears to quench my thirst.

8. Extract my own molar and remove a tracking device…while unconscious.

9. Put out a small fire by licking it.

10. Crack a sternum and spread the ribs of a man needing open heart surgery if he has information crucial to the survival of innocent lives.


If you liked this peak into Jack’s Bible, make sure you check out Jack Bauer is NOT your accountability partner and Psalm 151, A Psalm of Jack Bauer.

And feel free to add your own in the comments…