I baked a plate of fucking awesome chocolate chip cookies for our neighbor for Christmas. I left them outside her apartment door in the hallway, blithely believing in the spirit of love and giving during the season. I found out today she never got them. You waltzed in, grabbed the cookie bag, and waltzed out. You made off with her cookies, the paper bag and fancy bow I oh-so-lovingly wrapped around it, her Christmas card, and my plate. So fuck you, and fuck the spirit of Christmas.

I want my plate back, you twatwaffle.