difficult beginnings part 10

so again i’ve come full circle to the dead trees, and have been working on some imagery in my sketchbook surrounding them. i’ve realised that, what with winter coming, no one will appreciate they are DEAD trees with out the juxtaposition of greenery around. not from a distance anyway. so then really am i looking at the contrast between life and death, or why things that are dead still hold their own beauty despite being surrounded by healthy specimens? which all sounds very heavy, and may have some correlation to the events that have happened in my past where life and death are succinctly demonstrated against each other within a very short space of time. and yet also seems to come in cycles. does that have any relation to the cycles of the year? one of my students commented that i must love winter if i love bare(dead) trees, which is actually completely true but had not occurred to me that it had any correlation. and to then link back to the life lies i was also interested in, the running theme is how you think one thing is true but then find out something else is actually. and to then come back to the noise/music within a gallery environment which also toys with the idea of flipping the experience of something around on its head. so then is the common them running thru all of these that what you perceive to be the truth is normally completely the opposite in a physical sense? e.g. the beautiful tree is actually the dead one, life does not play out how we expect, pictures in a gallery are not necessarily best seen in silence. or is it just something personal to me; that actually i prefer the opposite to everyone else; winter; dead trees; having life throw things at me; music would greatly improve my relation to art in galleries.

i play music in my studio, off an old ipod shuffle with great big headphones; it helps me to focus. but equally if my mind is fuzzy with life stuff then i revel in silence. everyone else is in bed right now, and finally i have the mind space to type.

i quite like the thought of developing that idea; about how i find opposite experiences much more rewarding than the norm, or average, or most common version.

i don’t think it’s about being an individual even, but more that i like spotting or experiencing beauty thru different routes.

i like to be struck by things when least expected.

we certainly can’t live life without emotional highs and lows, so why not embrace them instead? naturally some of it comes back to the human psyche, in that it takes all sorts to make the world go round, and if we all liked the same things or found solace in the same experiences then we wouldn’t advance as a race, but i don’t think that is what I’m looking at here.

what we experience as a course of events or things we see and hear will eventually define us as people, much more than money or career could do.

that’s beside the point.

i’m stumped as to where this is going. at any point i can turn my design head on and come up with a physical entity to represent my ideas, but in regards to this i am way more enthralled by the idea of pushing the idea itself further than i would normally have the opportunity to, which is why i’m not discounting anything i have thought of completely, although i do appreciate you have to deconstruct then reconstruct to develop your ideas, but at this stage i can’t see where these ideas will merge and end up.

there are correlations between the current ideas, but whether that will form the basis for the final outcome i don;t know.

i’m not currently convinced that i would be able to have a physical entity at the final point that would aptly demonstrate my ideas, or even whether i should push for that, but instead just go for the work in progress and revel in that instead?

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