Elaine feels

as if she's the center

of the world,

as if


she was

standing there

in all her frumpish nudity

for all the world to see.


She stands

against the fence

in the girls' playground

as the boys stream by


to theirs.

She knows John

was on the school bus;

he was across the aisle,


but she hadn't looked,

she gazed out the window

the whole way.

She had stood


by the the steps

of the bus

after she'd got off

hoping he would


speak to her

or touch her arm

or ...or what?

her inner voice asks


kiss you again?

his lips on yours

in view of all?

Silly fool.


She stands there,

hands in the pockets

of her dark green coat,

eyes lowered,



a boiled sweet.

Morning Frumpy,

two passing girls say,


have sex last night?

They walk on


What is sex?


she'd asked

her mother

some months back

dirty things,


don’t' indulge

or talk about it

came the reply.

She stuffed


the words in a box

in her head

marked: dirty,

do not open.


Have sex? she muses,

was it a kind of gift

given wrapped?

She looks at the two girls


walking away,

arms linked,

giggling together,

dark green coats,


white socks,

blacks shoes,

shoulder to shoulder.

John had kissed her


the day before.

What was it for?

For real? A joke?

The impression


of his lips

presses still

on her lip’s skin.

She licks to see


if he's still there,


in some spittle



She can't get him

or his kiss

from her mind,

he resides there


like a secret tenant,


moving about,

not heeding her,


not paying rent.

She feels the ends

of her black shoes

pressing on the tips


of her toes,

too tight, not right.

He presses against

the tips


of her soul

and heart,

slowly ripping

each apart.

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