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Ah! Hello, please, be my guest, take-a seat! You must have some of our wine-a, it's the very finest - no, really, I insist. Cigar? No, ah, you don't know what you're missing. Now, shall we get to business, huh?

'Dis here is my nice-a little passion - my family business. We like-a the nice things in life; we play poker, smoke-a cigars, we shoot and terrify people and love-a to let our hair down. È affascinante. So what-a you waiting for? Why not you get involved, huh? If you're already one o' da boys, den why not starta to enjoy the mafia life-style? Go ahead!

If you're not already a-member, you should be ashamed of yourself! Why don't you enrol? In my mafia there lots-a perks! Seriously, though, you either-a enrol or you sleep wit' teh fishies; your choice. I really don't wanna havva make Johnny, do it, see his mumma just died and he's real sad about it. He's a real nice guy, a real gentleguy, like - I wouldn't wanna havva make him do it -see?

The Mafia Pledge:'

The Uncyclopedia mafia hereby declares its intention to be a family business dedicated to welcoming, socialising with and being friendly to new users, in an attempt to integrate them into the Uncyclopedia community, offering help to any Uncyclopedia user who wants assistance and looking to promote merriment within the Uncyclopedia community.