Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I Lead a Joyless Existence

Walking the bases loaded? Pinch hitting for the designated hitter with the sole purpose of bunting? The opposing team's designated hitter, who had been making outs in 74% of his plate appearances, pounding a two run home run in the first inning? Getting picked off in the bottom of the ninth? Cracking open the baseball bible in the 10th inning and reading the opening line: "In the big inning there was first and third - nobody out" but coming up empty handed? The Toronto Blue Heretics renounced said religion and worshiped the false idol of double play balls and bad fucking luck.

EVH predicts the Jays record after 101 gamesThe only salvation this game offered was Richie Sexson uncorking the worst throw I've ever seen a professional baseball player heave. As a professional baseball player, he is paid to play baseball. One would assume him to have played the game at a high level at some point in his life, high enough that he should expected to execute a 100 foot throw under presure. Yet there he was, corralling a wild throw from the right field corner and turning to relay to the plate. From his spot just beyond first base, his throw to the plate made it almost halfway there. Miraculously, there was still a play at the plate. Kevin Mench lugging the immense weight of his helmet 270 feet is the only reason the play was ever in doubt. The video is here, Mench looks as though he'll never be the same.

Vernon Wells brought some awesomeness back from Florida in his suitcase. Most Canadians bring Milkey Way bars and Marlboros, but home runs, running catches and designated pinch bunters are good too.

Why people in this city love Darcy Tucker but hate AJ Burnett will always be a mystery to me.

1 comment:

  1. AJ's contract is one reason why people don't like him, or don't show him love like they do Tucker. Injuries, of course, have also led to a lot of discontent with AJ. When the GM comes out and questions whether Burnett has the mental capacity to pitch through pain, it doesn't look good. Contrast that with Tucker, who you can't keep out of the lineup when he probably should be out of the lineup, and you get the disparity.

    Also, Tucker jumped into the Senators bench, and that was a whole lot of awesome. I'm a Burnett fan, but if he jumped into the Yankees dugout, wow, that would be legendary shit.

    AJ's hype. I'm a big fan of his work. Loved the hat-tip he gave the crowd last week. When he's on the mound, he more often than not gives us a chance to win, and that's all you can ask of your pitcher.

    BTW, I'm new to your blog, and enjoying it. Cheers.


Send forth the witticisms from on high