Things You Need to Invent (so I don't have to)

Do you watch Shark Tank?  I don't watch it religiously but I really love the idea of inventors and entrepreneurs coming up with an amazing idea and getting their huge moment to pitch their ideas with the hope of making a deal and bringing their dream to life.  Except the sharks are always wrong and every time I think ohmygoodness that is the best idea EVER they HAVE to get a deal, the sharks are all, "eh, your packaging is bad and licensing stuff."  

I've had SO many amazing ideas that should see the light of day but ALAS, you guys.  I don't have the time or "capital" to make them happen.  This is where you come in. This is where you take one of my ideas and for the good of humanity, you make it happen.  You may also make millions of dollars and maybe give me a cut for thinking of it.  Let's get to it.

A Baby Clothes Line that is Exclusively Zipper Based
Srsly.  WHO DECIDED THAT BABY CLOTHES SHOULD BE 72 BUTTONS OF SQUIRMING FRUSTRATION.  I know, buttons are cheaper and easier to manufacture.  I don't care.  Zippers on all the things. 
See?  You can do it.

Bunkbed Sheets
Every time I change the sheets on the bunk beds, I swear.  I'm sorry, Lord.  I should be able to rein in the anger.  I now change them an embarrassingly few amount of times a year for the sake of my soul. Every time I change them I think WHY has no one developed a bed sheet where the fitted sheet is attached to the flat sheet at the bottom????  They could even (for us type A, love a good made bed people) attach one whole side together, too.  Picture putting that on.  Picture making that bed.  Picture just how easy it would be to teach your kids to make the bed nicely.  Picture even quilts and comforters somehow made better so that the top bunk with the guard rail can actually be made without tucking yards and yards of fabric under the mattress?  Maybe a sleeping bag style that are actually nice looking quilty things?  I don't have all the details hammered out yet but I KNOW there's a better way to do this.  Someone get on this.

See that perfectly made bed on top?  Perfectly tucked with no awkward bumps or wrinkles or yards of fabric hanging down underneath?  THAT IS NOT REALITY.  But I want it SO BAD.

A Better Car That Can Fit More Than 8 People
Now, before you go all NV on me, I know that's nice but it is nearly impossible to find used.  Plus, it's huge.  Why is it that post 4-5 kids the only choices are Suburban (for a time) or the automatic move to the momster (almost always white) van?  Why is there nothing that fits 9 or 10?  Why can't we have some normal cars with an extra row?  Why can't the vans at least come in more colors?

Why not this available to the normal consumer:
Image from
or this:
Image from  
heck, let's even try safari style (roof an available option for winter climates):
courtesy Wikipedia
See?  SO MUCH COOLER than the momster white van and not that hard to come up with.  Toyota? Honda? You're missing an opportunity here.

The Kid's House Water Bottle Spigot Thing
Not like a water bottle water bottle.  But like one of these water bottles.:

It would be placed in the wall with a water line and the kids could just lap it up from there.  Kinda like an indoor water fountain but without ANY POTENTIAL FOR SPRAYING OR SPILLAGE.

Spill-Proof Kid Mugs
Speaking of kids and drinking, this next one is an actual thing I've been trying to find.  You know how people last winter were all into hygge and koselig-ing?  The cozy mugs of hot beverages shared with my children around a storybook sounded oh-so-lovely but HOW DO PEOPLE DO THAT WITH REAL LIFE KIDS?  I cannot find a pretty spillproof mug that they could use outside of the kitchen.  I'd love a ceramic style coffee mug but one that has a screw-on sippy type of top so that hot chocolate outside of the kitchen doesn't give me hives.  All I've been able to find is plastic or steel travel mugs and that is NOT koselig, people.  NOT AT ALL.  

Thank you stock photography for my completely unrealistic expectations for winter coziness.  Stock children NEVER SPILL. 

The Baseboard Vacuum
This is a home vacuum system that is set up into the baseboards or floor vents of your home.  With the flick of a switch, it gently sucks up any crumbs, hair, or general debris from the floor (secure any lightweight wanted possessions but it has small enough holes that larger items can't get through, don't worry). 


Bathroom Sink Sprayers
This is not a new invention but there needs to be a new line of bathroom sinks with the sprayer option.  Seriously, why is this only an option for kitchen sinks?  Toothpaste spittage anyone?  How lovely it would be to train my children to simply spray out the sink after brushing or my husband after shaving.  And it would never be used for WATER FIGHTS.  Somehow it would disengage if it was not pointed toward the sink.  Kohler?  Moen?  C'mon, people.  This is a GOOD idea.


Universal Sizing
Not an invention per say, but I'd like to develop a universal sizing system and have it strictly enforced by penalty of the wrath of frustrated clothes-sorting mothers everywhere.  2T months from one company should be exactly the same size as 2T from another (and while we're at it, let's just get rid of the 'T' anyway because why?).  I have seriously been able to fit 5 year olds in clothes that were labeled 24 months.  They. should. all. be. the. same.  

And let's first apply this to the shoe situation.  START AT 1 AND GO UP FROM THERE.  None of this toddler sizes and suddenly switching to adult sizes and going from size 13 to 1 or differences in men's sizes and women's sizes.  Use real numbers that actually mean something, like say, THE MEASUREMENT OF THE ACTUAL FOOT.

There.  I'm done.  Now who wants to make a deal???


  1. Sounds great! Re the vacuuming, I want one of those robotic ones that just goes quietly round the house sucking stuff up. It could live in the dining room permanently. And it's already been invented!

    Plus I think you need a limo.

  2. Yes to all of these. And some of them I think are a thing already, my friend had a vacuum system that sucked into her wall. Also, zippers. I don't put anything with buttons on my babies anymore. ever.

    1. I know there are vacuum systems where you can plug the tube and attachment into the wall but mine would be like all along the baseboards so you don't even have to do anything!

    2. That does exist! Wit those in the wall vacuums, there's a part that is in your base board and you just sweep with your broom, flip the hatch open with your toe, and get the dust pile a foot away and in it goes! And I agree there has to be more choices than the mega van.

    3. Haha, a friend just sent me a link to that! It's close but mine requires no sweeping at all. Basically, I need a dog :P

  3. I think Mr. Wonderful would be all over these! Genius.

  4. Yes!!!! To all of it! Except... I love snap closure baby suits! All you have to do to change a diaper is pop open the few bottom snaps. I feel like with the zipper ones the kid is practically undressed by the time you get down to the diaper change! But the spill proof mug?? Sign. Me. Up!!

    1. Hmm...with the ones we have they can still have their arms in and a onesie underneath so they'd stay mostly covered. But, in Mary's Ultra-Ease Couture Baby Line there would somehow be the option for a separate zipper at the bottom, I think.

    2. Just have the zipper go the other way, like on some sleepsacks -- it zips up from the bottom. I've seen double-direction zippers, too!

  5. I prefer snaps over zippers. My kids always seem to somehow get hurt from the zippers!? I also find diaper changes easier with the snap sleepers. I understand not liking the huge white vans. I didn't like them at first, but my kids love it so much. At this point I'm just thankful we have a van we can all fit in that's a little more affordable for us.

    1. I don't mind the vans, ha! I'm not at all a car person (you should see the hunk of tin I drive around right now :P). I just think it would be so nice if there were more options!

  6. #teamzipper I won't even gift people baby clothes with snaps with the exception of onesies. Especially pajamas because no one has time in the middle of the night to make sure 98 snaps are lined up just right.

  7. I saw an infomercial with something like #2 - like a sleeping bag that was a fitted sheet too. If I didn't already own an embarrassing amount of linens already, I'd buy them. Anymore, yy boys just sleep in sleeping bags on the fitted sheets. Don't know how it started, but I've given up on neat bunk beds for a while now.
    I did have #7 in my bathroom - unfortunately, that hose seemed to attract a ton of water down it; the cupboard under the sink would get soaked. Maybe a more modern version would work better (I think the bathroom was redone in the early 80's.) It was great for washing babies in the sink.

    1. I may go that route from now on. Cute specially bought quilts be darned!

      And baby washing! Yes! Another use!

  8. YEEESSSS!!! Team Zipper, all the way! And yes yes yes to all the other things too. Mary, you are a genius!

  9. We once sewed the flat top sheet to the bottom fitted sheet for easier bedmaking...

    I'm so glad we are done with bunkbeds here so I don't have to fight the top bunk anymore.

  10. Coming over from 7QT, these are great!I too am always brainstorming new invention ideas but then feeling discouraged knowing I neither have the time nore resources to see them happen. It's fun when I do see something I've thought of that someone else - with more time and money - thought of and did something to make it real.

    With the vehicle thing, I'd also add the idea of putting a sound-proof window between the front driver area and the back. Maybe getting a limo is the right way to go after all. ;)

    1. Ooh, a limo. Instead of people thinking we're crazy, they'll just think we're famous!

  11. Replies
    1. Ah, it's real!! AND it was on Shark Tank, hahahaha! I'm not sure I'd buy this for the price but I may just go the sleeping bag route!

  12. You are a GENIUS! Oh the bunk bed making! Eeesh! We finally separated ours into two regular beds last spring and oh it's been so nice when I wash sheets (still WAY infrequently!) to not have to contend with the bunks!

  13. Amen to Universal clothing sizes. Someone gave us a BUNCH of baby clothes on Thursday, so I spent the afternoon sorting them. I'm totally befuddled as to how clothing labeled 12 month can be SMALLER than clothing labeled 3 month. It's totally bizarre.

    And I totally want the flip of a switch vacuum floors. Totally. That wold be AWESOME!!!

    I'm on team snaps for baby though. I'm not a fan of zippers. They are always breaking on me or catching on baby skin. Ugh.

  14. You are so brilliant! I literally was laughing.

  15. YES! Haha, YES to ALL OF THEM! You should just forward this email to Shark Tank and they just pay you now for formulating the concept. Just saying! I would love a spray at my boys sink because all of the toothpaste! And the built in vacuum and water drop for the kids..hahaha just YES! Fun post, friend! :)

  16. These are so so pertinent to my life. My children think babies only wear pajamas because I rarely change ours out of sleepers due to the zipper thing. We had two hot chocolate spills just yesterday...

    My grandmother always had a kitchen sprayer installed in her bathrooms!

