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parents power of control emotional blackmail

asked 2015-09-24 00:46:27 -0500

Seeker191 gravatar image

Im 30 years old. Ive been emotional controlled or blackmailed or something all my life . To be honest im not fully aware or sure how bad its been. ive care for my mum who has been ill since i was a dad was a angry abusive man who drank alot so ny mum used the 'ill' card to protect her self. However i beleive my mum started beleivong it too. She does have many problems ie arthiritus and diabetes n a few other things. This was used to get her by. My dad used it to control us by saying 'do it otherwise your mums going to stress and become ill' dont make your mum worse etc etc.

Long story short.... my parents are both amritdhari now. Unfortunatley carry alot of punjabi culture traits.however they still want to control everything from what i say, do, where i go, who i talk to, everything. I got married and after a month they didnt accept her. My wife did everything i asked from cooking cleaning to massaging my mums feet, alot of seva for my mum but it was overlooked. They enjoyed this but also showed no appreciation. I was shocked becos this was a perfect scenario for my parents and what they always wanted.My parents played with my wifes emotions so much that she got depressed. I was also depressed. Ive been overweight all my life as i always turned to food. I also developed mental unstability. It was a downward spiral for both. A once happy and cheerful women as my wife was now also dragged into a hell hole becos of me. At rock bottom i left home by myself and had to seek sangat of gursikhs. With Gurus grace ive managed to begin a journey to find myself and acknowledge that i am a individual who has a right to feel and think and mainly i am responsible for my own karma and actions. Another long story short... In the end i had to find my wife who i had sent away aswel (to kytt + then india) while i sorted mysefl out, we both decided to give it another go and i moved us out of the family home and managed to get a job with enuf to pay the rent. However it hasnt ended and now over the phone my parents still want to try and affect us.and are trying everything to get a reaction. many people will disagree with me moving out. My parents have alot of money and a big house n alot of people around them. They gave me nothing as money was their final control. I personally didnt want to take anything as being rich also didnt give me any peace. However i heard two sikhs who are mainstream 'sants' talk on tv saying we should basically worshhip our parents and thats where it al starts. Im thrown off a bit as they implied the only way is ... (more)

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answered 2015-09-24 10:36:38 -0500

Nihang96K gravatar image

wjkk wjkf

verily i say this to you that the Guru Is your father And Mata Sahib Kaur is your mother, those who hit and abuse their children cannot be called parents.

Gursikhi doesnot tell us tp worship our parents, but to respect them for what they are, but if they manipulate and disrespect the child why should the child at the age of 30 be respectfull back?

The guru would have no problem with you leaving a difunctional home.

Just so you know the Guru is on your side you even have gurmat sangat that are on your side, anyone who is not only sees the wealth of your parents and nothing else. Truley your parents should be shamed of themselfes treating others in the way they have, they should fear Akal purakh and the acount that wll be read by dharam raj.

Parents are not gods they are human and if they them selfes have failed and turn to abuse to release stress or bullying to asimilate authority it trley is sad and sick therefore you have done the best for you and your own family to be happy.

carry on and do not give an inch. dealth into gurbani and find peace make sure you go to the gym to release stress or do some sort of exercsie instead of eating to realive stress, so that you can be healthy for your family.


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answered 2017-06-02 13:03:02 -0500

I am a 36 year old female. I was talking to a guy from the states and we were going to get married once we had met and my parents were happy that he had true intentions towards me. Unfortunately my uncle has been finding things out about him as he lives in he same state so now he has told my parents that he's no good. This is through idol gossip. The reason he has found this out is due to his ex who has been spreading lies. Also I feel as though I can't marry, choose where to live or do as I please. My family including siblings black mail me and control my life even though I am 36 years old. My parents can't keep me in the UK if I want to live elsewhere. Also they abuse me mentally, emotionally and verbally. I was hoping to get married and be happy but it looks like they will control every aspect of my life and I am sick of it. They have told me if I go with this man they will disown me as their daughter. My own mother said I should have been killed at birth.

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answered 2017-06-05 09:49:51 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

People only have power over you if you choose to give them that power. Blood family is where the karmas are paid. You have real parents and you have another family - Sadhsangat. Check out this vid.

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Asked: 2015-09-24 00:46:27 -0500

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Last updated: Jun 05 '17