why can’t I feel myself?

My soul tingles from its loss,

Oh I feel to much!

I feel to much!


so overwhelmed,


I am useless!


I am nothing!

Black swirls in my mind,

in my heart,



help me!

God!  Where are you?

Don’t you love me?

I hate you!

No, I am sorry

please forgive me!

Forgive me!!

Oh Lord forgive…..

Why am I here?

Where am I?

What day is it?

Oh my God I am so useless.

Why am I so useless, why?

I am trying to be better,

why can’t they see?

You see?

Nobody sees me,

my pain,

my loss.

Can you see?

I can’t see me,

can’t see me, anymore.

I am not anything,


nobody to nobody.

I hate this,


you and you and you too!

No more,

please no more.


darkness creeping in

all sides

no more to see.

A light!

Please God a light to show me the way!



what do they say?

No, no, no I can’t,

I won’t.

It’s the only way?

I will.

I can’t breathe

Oh my chest hurts so much,

crying again

Oh God this is pitiful.

Fuck this!

Fuck it!

I have a light



darkness ………..

For all of those who have been there, or lost one or both.  Never forget!  It is hard to understand the reasons why things happen.  I write this so those who are uninformed may know the struggle.

© 2018


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