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Everything posted by Danestress

  1. You are just worried about the school? I wouldn't. Are they seriously going to ask to see the court order or separation agreement and take it to their legal department?
  2. I have never done it. I have lived with three kids in a 900 square foot house on a military base. That was in Southern California, so we were never cooped up with weather and neighbors had some accountability. But if I could have more of my DH, live in a decent apartment, and save money, I would consider it. A small place is less to clean. Sometimes I miss it. Often a decent newer apartment would have less maintenance than a rental home, and if the maintenance is reasonably responsive, it probably beats having to beg the owner of a single home rental. Definitely try to live in a ground floor and really check out how solid the building is and whether noise carries. Carpeting would help. I had a friend who lived below a family that let their kids roller skate all the time on the wood floors. She did not become a good friend:). Don't do that! Also, see if the police haven an online search for calls within a certain distance of an address. You want to know what you are getting into!
  3. How annoying. It would stress me to know that I could reserve 10-15 more or fewer seats than needed. I think I might send an email saying, "ok everyone, I have reserved x seats at y restaurant for the number of firm commitments I have. If you are still unsure, I leave it to you to make a separate reservation on your own. Hopefully they will be able to at least put us at tables near each other. If I reserved for you -and you are unable to attend, please let me know as soon as possible."
  4. No plants. Please no plants. People put a place in obits for donations because they don't want plants and flowers. Go the the funeral (him only if you can't). Write a note. Make a donation - make sure you make it in his name. We received notes from the foundation we listed for my father telling us certain people made donations. It didn't matter who specifically or how much - it was just nice to see that people honored his memory that way.
  5. Well I am glad you are enjoying that! Carmel salt sounds better than most - it's been a few years, so maybe they didn't have that when my boys sold. I tried the canister pop corn, sweet ones, savory ones, and I just wasn't impressed. But Carmel, popcorn and salt are all hard to dislike.
  6. I love the thin mints. I am not a huge cookie eater, but I like those. I hated every boys out popcorn out there. Crush are just awful. But my kids sold some. It was mostly all because people could buy them to be shipped to the troops over seas. No one really eats packages popcorn.
  7. Well, show me the law. Because I continue to think that if we have entered into a binding contract with consideration paid, and IF this wasn't one of the terms and IF there were no term covering all rules and regulation (big ifs, I know) I think I could argue that their refusal to provide a room under the terms and conditions agreed to is a breach of contract, or at least that they can't actually encore this new rule against me. You insisting otherwise doesn't entirely sway me. Again, I would not choose to argue this except on a forum, lol. And at the very very least I do think if those 'ifs' are in place, they can not charge me for the room when I cancel there at checkin.
  8. I think I could make a decent claim depending on the facts. But let's face it - I would probably never bother, as an attorney or a patron. But hypothetically, they would hate having to deal with the issue too, and a small claims court loss is the least of things they would be worrying about. Corporate needs to address is the possibility that they have a rule that the staff ignores unless subjectively they think a patron is a 'problem.' It raises the possibility of allegations of discrimination, for example, that a mostly white staff seems to always notice the black kids who are unsupervised or loud. Or when a 15 year old commits a violent crime against another patron, the hotel gets sued by a victims who says the hotel is at fault for not enforcing that rule. It's probably not a winning argument, but it's still a bother. I can imagine a number of really bad PR possibilities, as well. I don't object to enforcing rules about quiet. Or about unaccompanied minors, really, aware the rule before I committed. But I do object it a rule being sprung on me after the fact, if that is the case. The hotel, though, need to think about making rules that are not going to be enforced except sometimes against some people, if that is the case here. It's a bad rule if there is no easy enforcement mechanism, the hotel doesn't really intend to try to enforce it, it's really meant to deal with an entirely different problem than what appears in its face, and it's likely just much broader than the actual situations the hotel is concerned about. To me, it's laziness. Put some brains together and ask, what is the problem? How do we address it in a way that is meaningful, effective, and safe? Why are our existing rules about noise not working? What rule do we really need, that we are willing to announce and enforce, and how will we enforce it? What is out actual policy about unaccompanied minors? Do we call DSS below a certain age? What age? When would we call the police? What do we actually do about unruly guests of any age? How do we handle complaints about noise? Would shutting down the pool at a certain time make a difference? Would a security guard help? If we have the "under 16" rule, what do we do when a patron complains about a kid who appears to be 15, quietly reading the paper and eating a donut at breakfast alone because his mom took the toddler to the toilet? And do we expect her to take her 15-year-old son into the ladies room so he won't be unaccompanied in the hall, or do we expect her to change the toddler in the men's room where her teen can be present? What happens when a large party books 30 rooms not knowing about this rule, and then cancel at checkin when informed? Will we tell them that as long as they are quite we don't enforce it? Will we let them cancel with out penalty? Will we insist that we charge their cards for late cancellation even if the rule was not provided ahead of time?
  9. Actually I have said twice in this thread that if they have the rule, it needs to be on the website or made clear at the time of reservation. If they have done so, great. I did not assume either way. Secondly, I think a good Argument can made that, having made a reservation and given my credit card number, we have entered a binding contract. They can usually charge me if I don't show up or cancel before a certain date. Arguably I have a contractual right to a room under the terms agreed upon. Most likely, the terms include a broad 'all rules and regulations' type provison, anyway. Lots of different facts that can come into play, so I don't want to paint with too broad of a brush. But mostly I was responding to the attitude of 'their hotel, their rules." There actually are limitations on those rules, and basic contract law may be one of them. And actually I think there Is a general assumption about this being a noise issue. I think it's also possible that the rule is about hotel liability. In the event a child is victimized or injured, the hotel may want to be able to say, "the parents are at fault here. We had a rule."
  10. Does he have contact through his job with better paid people who are not college graduates? I think there are many 'blue collar' type jobs that can pay a decent wage. Even a ups or fedex driver makes more than it sounds like he is making. I would start asking everyone questions about their jobs (in a friendly, getting to know you way). To me, a college degree would not be my first choice unless he knows what he would want to do and that his employment prospects would be good. With no college, he would have a lot of hours to complete and would not be earning during those hours. If he had that as a strong desire, I would say to go for it. But otherwise, I would also look at jobs that don't require starting a degree program. Also, I would also think about how I could start laying the groundwork for being more employable myself. Even if right now you can't get a full time job, I would start getting up to speed on basic skills like using all the windows office programs, volunteering in an area I care about etc. You don't want to be in this situation ten years from now, and can't change it overnight. So think shorter term. Is there anything I can do in the next six months to be a little better off? Is there anything he can start doing to build a network, generate ideas, or build a financial cushion? Do I know what kind of job I would be good at? Does he?
  11. It's not like I think people have to follow every rule. I just don't like to model an attitude that certain rules don't apply to me, or that I am too cowed to confront a rule but will skitter around avoiding it, or that everyone understands that rules saying one thing mean another or apply only to some people. Hotels love to call us "guests" but I am not a guest. I am someone who entered into a contract to exchange money for lodging. I am an equal player in that business transaction. I am not a child who has to follow rules I did not agree to. I am not a child who has to "break" rules on the sly. I don't care, in this case, about just or unjust rules. This is a badly designed rule that can't be easily enforced and probably wasn't not intended to be enforced as written. I haven't looked, but I bet most hotel websites already have boilerplate language about noise and disruption. This rule is probably posted because they have a hard time enforcing the rules they already have and just want really broad power. But I don't give people that power lightly. I am a consumer who can say, "That rule was not on your website or agreed to when reserving a room. I won't follow that rule. Would you like to see my 'add on' rules for you and your staff?"
  12. Right. I understand that. Their enforcement power is limited to asking the people to leave. They don't make a rule saying "excessively noisey people will be asked to leave," because they know that is a subjective standard. So instead they make a rule that seems less subjective and universally prohibits everyone from having a child unattended. But they never intend to enforce that rule consistently. They know they will only enforce it when there is a problem in the eyes of whoever is on duty. Back to a subjective standard that leaves room for Inequal inforcement. If they think it's a good rule, they should make its very clear to people considering staying there. I don't like dumb rules, but I also don't like tellng my kids we don't have to follow rules.
  13. Then in that case, I would want them to write that. "We have this rule. But it probably only applies to other people, not you. Our employees are empowered to decide which people have to follow which rules."
  14. I just hope they display that prominently on their webpage or make it clear when reserving. I would not want to stay at a hotel where I would have to get all my kids out of bed to get ice or when one wants a snack or needs a tooth brush from the front desk. It's an odd enough rule that I think people should know it up front. If they do that and it doesn't affect their business, great. But I would not want to only hear about this after I am in town and the other hotels around are booked.
  15. I would add the following rules: No more than two women can meet up for a drink in the bar or by the pool. Groups of women have no idea how loud they are! No checking out before 9:00 because people are loud as they leave. Shut the ice Machine down between 9:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m. No mowing or blowing leaves ever. Finally, for reasons I have never understood, some parents speak unnecessarily loudly to young children. So be with your kids at all times, but use inside voices of pantomime.
  16. Sometimes a little directness is worth it. With normal people, it doesn't have to be repeated and it can them set the stage for less conflict ongoing. So I would explain to MIL privately that I follow the advice of educators who say to only address one thing that needs to be corrected at a time. If I am working on spelling, I will address spelling issues, not handwriting issues. Otherwise the child gets tightened up or overwhelmed. I would tell her other educators (and grandmothers) may disagree, but this is the way I am doing it, and if that's hard for her, she may need to read a book or something during school time. The next time she did it I would say, "MIL, perhaps you would like to relax and read a book while I am teaching." If necessary I would point out that she would not go to DH's work and, 'help' but correcting what he is doing. But it is unlikely to come to that if she is a reasonable person and you are confident and clear.
  17. YeAh. God knows my own heart is an impenetrable mess that he can affect but not steal. And I didn't take his name but if I had, he would still have it too. Sort of ick, and hard to say why.
  18. Two! One went with his dad. The rest of us voted separately. And I am happy to say they watched debates with real interest.
  19. She's so young. I do think kids eventually have to be weaned off crying as a regularl thing. Despite what people might say, crying is a 'frowned upon' way to express emotion in many situations. I would not want to cry at work, cry in meetings, cry when I am frustrated as a consumer. I am not saying those things are the end of the world, but I think it's best to minimize crying just as yelling is not always acceptable, I think teaching self control over crying is necessary as kids grow. But she is so young. And she may be one of those kids who thinks that she has to really SHOW her emotions for people to take it seriously. So maybe you have to focus on not letting the crying bother you, but also on teaching her over time that you recognize her emotion when she isn't crying. Also, teaching names of feelings helped with my kids. When they learn to recognize and *say* that they are feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, defeated, disappointed, inadequate, ignored, etc, they didn't just emote but described.
  20. I would expect them to cancel, and could not expect them to change the location or extend the semester. The fact that they chose to change the location allows some parents to attend. Extending the semester would allow other parents to extend. Cancelling allows no one to attend. Neither is right for everyone, but they tried. I do not think that any of the three options would entitle parents to a refund.
  21. I don't have clients in my office that often. We have a conference room. Mostly it's me and my bosses or a coworker. But I am not sure a carpet is necessary anyway - I thought it might just lighten the space.
  22. I think this is one of those questions that brings out a lot of resentment in women towards each other. I have been a working Mom and a SAHM (for a lot of years). Of course I remember the most obnoxious things that women have said about this issue. "My brain would turn to mush," and 'I didn't have child so that I could warehouse them all day." Those kinds of things. But I think most women understand that the issues are complex. We know that our role as mothers is critical, consuming, and mostly satisfying. We also understand that it is satisfying to earn a paycheck, to know you can take care of yourself, to work in the 'world" where performance is evaluated, measured, and rewarded. I would say most of my real life friends understand how much being a SAHM can be a blessing, and most of them also understand all the reasons why a woman might want to work. I think when a working Mom says, "I would love to stay home but I can't afford it," what she is often doing is trying to say that what the SAHM is doing is good, and would actually be enjoyable, and trying to find a non-offensive way to explain not doing it. Obviously, she does not owe any explanation at all, but I don't find that an offensive thing to say, even if it is disingenuous. In reality she could say, 'I think letting a kid take on debt for college is a kind of failure, so I have to work." She could just say that she thinks being a SAHM would be boring. She could say that she is afraid of divorce and wants to know she can support herself. But all of those things open a can of worms, and so she says something she thinks is more neutral. Likewise, SAHMs say strange things too. I've heard all the comments about how particular working Moms don't need the income, just want toys, can't deal with their own children, etc etc. I can't say for sure which side feels more judged and inspected. I think if one looks for it, one could easily conclude that being a working Mom is not a valid life choice to a lot of people. I think the truth is that most of us don't really care about the choices others make as long as they don't impact us. We just want people to live with their choices. When I was at home, I was part of a carpool with a working mother, and she frequently implied that I should drive extra because she was working. I finally told her, "We all make choices" and that I wasn't going to do that. Likewise, I think we expect that if a woman chooses not to work after she really could do so, she shouldn't demand that taxpayers to carry the burden of her children's student loans. But I think in the end, working and not working are valid choices. Obviously there are millions of women who don't work after their children are in school. Their are millions of women who work even though they have an employed partner. And while many women are single and have to work, many are making these choices as part of a couple.
  23. I have a new office at work. It's a good move for me, but the office is small (11 x10.5) and windowless. I get some natural light from the hall right outside the door. The walls are neutral/tan, but to me there is an orange tone to it. The carpet is ugly dark flecked stuff - dark brownish? With the best of intentions, my boss bought me new office furniture. This is what he bought It is vastly too big for the space I have. I had to turn the desk to face a wall in order to have file cabinets. He spent a lot of money on it and I appreciate his intentions, so I want to like my office. I need to add light - possibly the kind of light that mimics sunlight? I need a chair for visitors and probably will want a plant that can survive with low light. I was thinking about an area rug. But I can't figure out how to add color. A lot of the colorful desk assessories look so modern for the furniture. I just don't know what would work. Red? I want a more cheerful, energizing office. If anyone loves a challenge, I would love help!
  24. I suppose that survivors can do what they want and ignore the requests of the deceased. But I think there will usually be a family member or two who believe that the best way to honor the dead is to respect their wishes, especially if those wishes are consistent with the personality of the deceased. I think it is pretty normal to try to think about what a loved one would have wanted with respect to all kinds of issues - who gets a particilular heirloom, whether to donate, sell or destroy records and personal correspondence, whether to cancel important events (a wedding, a bar exam, a graduation) that are occurring around the death. If I already know what the loved one wanted because he or she told me, I will want to honor that.
  25. Personally I would book several evenings at the onsite restaurants for the animal kingdom resort. You will be hungry and tired, and dinner there will allow you to have an easier evening. The restautants onsite are fine. I think Disney restautants are grossly overrated in general. We stayed 9 days and ate at a number that get rave reviews. If you live in a town with a decent resaturant scene., you won't find them all that special in terms of food, though the atmosphere at some is great. I am no Disney expert, but I think with kids that age, keeping it simple is best. You will need rest and regrouping, so I would make day plans but try to eat around your hotel at least every other night.
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