My dog is so awkward.

I want it to cuddle up with me; it refuses to come out of its bed(unless foods involved). I fall asleep; it decides to use my face as a cushion.

I pay attention to it; it seems to find its own tail more interesting. I’m busy on my laptop; It’ll jump onto the keyboard and stare at me.

I want to pet it; it wants to play the bite my fingers off game. I try to play with it; I have to check it is actually still breathing.

I try to steer it away from a deep puddle; it seems to aim for it. I try to make it swim in a shallow stream; it acts like it’s having a fit.

I don’t want to give it any of my food; it is there tormenting me with it’s miserable eyes. I spare it a bit; it’ll sniff it then walk off.

I let it off its lead in the park; takes a whole troop of us to catch it later. It chews through it’s lead outside a shop; it sits waiting for me to put it back on.

I’ve just bought something new; it’s chewed as soon as I’m away. I leave clothes for washing; makes a strange dog nest.

It gets wet; the house gets wet, I get wet. It’s completely dry; it seems to get wet again somehow.

I don’t bath it for a while; it stays almost(this is my dog) spotless. I’ve just spend ages pampering it; it rolls in mud like a pig.

I’m downstairs; it’s docile. I’m upstairs where it can’t go; it sounds like it may be repeatedly ramming a door.

I take out the lead for a walk; I’m up on a table so it can’t lick me to death. I take out the lead for the vet; it goes straight under a table.

One of my friends is at the door; intruder alert straight away. Next time it’s a Jehovah’s Witness; not even a twitch of warning.

Forgot the dog bags; can’t return without a trail of poo. Plenty of dog bags ready; only does the liquid type. Ugh.

I give it it’s food. It eats.