Friday, January 25, 2008

Wish I Had Better News

But I don't. It's a negative. A BFN.

And actually, telling folks is the hardest part. Harder than anything. Sharing the grief is so much worse than keeping it between us. Esp. when our circle of support has been so supportive. But there's not too many to tell, and hopefully, we're known for dealing with adversity ok.

Different people deal with grief differently. What I need, what helps me the most, is a lot of four letter words in creative combinations. Somehow, I would rather hear "FUCK! That fucking blows donkey balls!" than, "I'm really sorry." Even though the sentiment is more or less the same. So, if you have any favorite four-lettered combos, or hubby's favorite (leftover from life as a substitute teacher) words that are so close to expletives but not enough to get you suspended, I would LOVE to hear them.

Next steps: So many of you unfortunately know this routine. All meds stop. Wait for a bleed. Go back on birth control. Reassess for next cycle. Which, yes, I think we are going to try. But the one question we have is, how will next time be different than this time?


Anonymous said...

Dammit. Thanks for telling us. Ah, crap. Sorry, babe. Hug.

Soapchick said...

This absolutely sucks! Ugh, I hate when bad shit happens! I was routing for you.

Anonymous said...

first of all.......FUCK. that just sucks. it sucks ass. i'm sorry. *hugs*

second of all.......what will be different next time? who the hell knows. But I got pregnant with triplets the first time from a fresh cycle and miscarried all of them by 10 weeks. The second cycle was an FET from the same batch of embryos, transferred 4 and am now nearly 16 weeks with a healthy baby. Who knows? Luck? Moon alignment? Who the hell knows. But don't give up hope. Its all we've got.

Huge hugs to you. write anytime.

Tracy said...

FARK. That sucks so much. I'm SOOOO sorry. Beyond sorry. My heart is heavy for you.

Anonymous said...

i believe a course in creative cussing should be mandatory for any college student. here is a sampling that you might want to use today:

sh*t and shinola. (my grandma's favorite)

jesus h. christ on a popsicle stick!

ah sh*t! (my daughter's go to and a classic, I must say)

ok this one makes me laugh:
“Don’t make me drag you around on the crushed stones until your bung hole smokes.”

dang nabbit ned flanders

Balls in your mouth, you assclownin' chucklemonkey!

what the french!!! toast (instead of what the f*ck)

"Holy flurking schnit!" ("The Simpsons").

“Sh*t the bed, Ethel!”

You sweet-stealing corn-f*cking a*s-bagger!" (

(from, you favorite co worker)

Lori Lavender Luz said...

That freakin' bites.


Is it OK to send you a hug?

stacyb said...

shite, schiesse, crap crap crap, f*&$#, that blows goat nuts! truly.

who knows why it didn't work this time, it's not an exact science (sometimes i with it were) so by the same token why wouldn't it work next time?!

on a slightly more technical note: sometimes a doctor will change the med protocols after a failed cycle -- sometimes not -- to me every cycle is different because the embryos are different.

sending you all sorts of four letter word support. the nice words.

Kami said...

Crap. I am so sorry. It fucking not fair. As my husband and I say . . .it must be a god damned conspiracy.

I think sometimes it is just luck - or "random" as my RE says it. It can be different next time. I hope it will be.

Waiting Amy said...

F*ck, sh*t, d*amn! I much prefer the cursing route too.

Next time WILL be different, because they are different embryos. You have lots of good chances in that freezer. I have to believe that one will change your life.

Anonymous said...

Fuckity fuckity ratfuck. That blows. And I'm so sorry.

Drowned Girl said...

I;'m so sorry. But remember our fresh cycle was a BFN, while the FET gave us twins!

Good luck in the way forward. Don't give up


Anonymous said...

Oh God, that sucks hardcore balls, friend. But I do agree with Waiting Amy's very well-put do have many chances left and it will indeed only take one to change everything. Be gentle on yourself and do something fun this weekend. My thoughts are with you.

Stacie said...

Oh no! It just sucks, and I am so sorry. I wanted this for you so much.

Sending hugs.

Happy said...

That sucks the big fat purple veiny ween!

Anonymous said...

My fave?

"Fuck the fucking fuckers."


P.S. My word verification was hilarious -- "fiido". Great... is someone telling me I look like a dog today? Geesh. Come on. Give a girl a break!

Anonymous said...

Damn, damn, damn. That sucks so much- I was really hoping this time would work for you.

Summer said...

I'm just catching up on your posts. I'm so sorry for the BFN.

Smiling said...

F*ck F*ck for chimney-sake F*ck ... I just discovered your blog this morning, and have read it straight through today, and I am so so sorry that this is how this cycle ended. I can't even imagine.

Best of luck with all the tomorrows and decisions after this horrible day...