Waverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'oh
Four Great Women and a Manicure
Coming to Homerica

Queen Elizabeth I Segment

Moe: [After seeing Queen Elizabeth I half-naked] Whoah, someone call Beowulf! Grendel got in again!

King Julio of Spain: Usually I love seeing flaming dreamboats headed my way, but not like this, baby! NOT LIKE THIS!

Queen Elizabeth I: [After trying smoking] If I ever have sex, this would be great afterwards!

Lenny: [referring to the tiny ship models in the table] This is the Spanish Armada, some of the finest ships ever made.
King Julio: Excellent! Now, take me to the real ones.
Lenny: These are the real ones! [moves the Spanish Armada from Spain to England on the map using a stick] Watch out, England. [in British accent] No! Have mercy! [switches back to real voice] Never.
King Julio: Guards! Take him to the dungeon and put things inside of him.
Guard: Nice things?
King Julio: No, not nice things!

Queen Elizabeth I: [to Sir Walter Raleigh] Don't you know that I love you? I've always loved you!
Lady Marge: [confused and repulsed] Um, who are you talking to?
Queen Elizabeth I: Both! Neither! Oh, what difference does it make?

Snow White Segment

HDTV: You would do in a pinch, my Queen, but Snow White's the fairest I have seen. Also, there's a weather girl on Channel 9 who's whee-hee-hee!

Groundskeeper Willie: [about to cut out Snow White's heart] I... I... I cannot do it! Run, lassie! Find wee little men, and hide with them! [Snow White flees and Plopper the Pig walk in] Now to fool the Queen with a pig's heart! [He raises his knife] I... I... I cannot do it! [picks up a piece of red construction paper as Plopper flees] Maybe I'll cut her a heart out of construction paper... I... I... I cannot do it!

Snow White: [trying out three different beds] This bed's too hard! This one's too soft! And this bed is just... like the first one! Also too hard! I guess I'll sleep in the one that's too soft.
Queen: [surrounded by and about to be torn apart by the forest animals] Ooh, Herbivores! I'm sooo scared... aaah!
Dwarfs: Ho-hi, ho-hi! It's time to say goodbye! If Disney sues, we'll claim fair use, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi!

Queen: [handing Groundskeeper Willie a box shaped like a heart] Bring me Snow White's heart in this box.
Groundskeeper Willie: What am I going to do with the rest of the body?
Queen: [referring to a child-sized box made to look like Snow White] Put it in this box! Then you'll get your reward. [Eyes move to adult-sized box made to look like Groundskeeper Willie]

Lenny dwarf: There's someone in our house!
Crabby dwarf: Let's put a pickaxe in its brain!
Lenny: You're in marketing! Why do you even bring an axe?
Crabby dwarf: If you were in marketing, you'd know.

Lady Macbeth segment

Homer: [referring to Shakespeare, while killing Mel] Well if you see him in Heaven... tell him he sucks!

Homer: (as Macbeth) Stars, hide your fires. Hide your dark, deep desires. Out, out brief candle! Life is just a walking shadow, a player who walks his hours upon the stage and is heard no more.

Homer: [After shooting himself] Me reading all those plays would be the real tragedy.
[He's content with being lazy and Marge is once more frustrated with him.]

Homer: Tomorrow and tomorrow and's Tuesday, so that would make it Friday...Shakespeare!
Selma: Forget it!
Patty: You don't know your lines!
Homer: [reading from a script hidden in his jacket] Conrad Birdie! Coming here to Sweet Apple!
Selma: That's "Bye Bye, Birdie!"
Homer: [reading from another script] Dammit, Morpheus! Not everyone believes what you believe.
Patty: That's the screenplay for "The Matrix Reloaded"!
Homer: D'oh!

Maggie Roarke Segment

Mr. Toohey: Mediocrity rules!

Season 19 Season 20 Quotes Season 21


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