Thursday, February 25, 2016

The Dreadful New Girlfriend!

I need to blow off some steam here tonight and tell you this new woman showing up during the weekdays is driving me crazy!

In the last post I mentioned I'd had to buy roses for whoever showed up here on Valentine's day, and it turned out to be her. The regular weekend girlfriend had family in town and didn't come out here to the Hampton's. Then out of the blue this weekday trollop showed up.

Okay, fine. Whatever. We found the Valentine card I bought in the trash, unsigned and unheeded, Which is fine too, I don't care. But when she left on Monday she took the roses with her, along with the $600 cut lead crystal vase which really gets my goat. I can't tell you how many times this has happened, and the vase closet is half empty. I swear I'm going to start putting roses in cut-down milk cartons (elegantly wrapped in red cellophane of course) and be done with it. That was my favorite vase in the house and I want it back!

It's not that she's a vacuous, vapid airhead or anything like that. (Well maybe.) But she's just so damned clumsy. Already she's broken two monogrammed Baccarat wine glasses ($475 each!), she spills stuff all over the kitchen when she's mixing Bloody Marys in the mornings -  and then there's the red wine horrors.

This lady likes to take her glass of red wine and some snacks upstairs to the master bedroom at night. And again that's fine. Crumbs in the bed, so what?

But then one afternoon when the Mister and trollop finally left the house, Ester the upstairs maid called me in a panic. I dashed upstairs and there it was, on the girlfriend's side of the bed, this huge red wine stain on the sheets. Not just any sheets mind you, but $5,000 Pratesi sheets from Italy!

Ester was practically hyperventilating when I got there. Since the stain was so fresh we were able to flush it out with cold water, and along with some pre-wash spray, it did come out. But dear God what a lot of hoops we have to jump through to accommodate this woman's erratic behavior.

We have some antique French chairs and settees in the formal sitting rooms, older than the United States itself. What if this clumsy bitch ungracious lady sloshes red wine on that? Then we're in real trouble. You can't just throw a chair into the washing machine, now can you? (Which, by the way, is precisely why most rich people and caterers serve only white wine at large cocktail parties in their high-dollar luxury homes.)

Okay, enough ranting. But this is not easy stuff we're dealing with these days. Juggling all these women and their quirks, not to mention their lingering perfume scents in the bedrooms and automobiles, is like a whole Vaudeville routine going on around here.

Thanks for letting me vent, and as always, thanks for stopping by tonight,



  1. Considering the big issue the Mister had about how much the ex used to spend on candles, I wonder if the GF caused permanent stains on his uber expensive furniture and sheets if he might say something to her. Or would the staff get blamed for not being able to get the stains out. I'm not usually a vindictive or evil person, but wondering of there's a subtle way to let weekend GF find out about weekday GF to get weekday GF out of the picture. Not that I particularly like weekend GF, but at least she doesn't abscond with crystal vases or slosh red wine about

    1. Yes, the staff always gets blamed for everything that goes wrong around here. As for the girlfriends, women are so intuitive that I find it hard to believe they don't know about each other or at least suspect. Time will tell I guess. We'll see how this all plays out. Andrew

  2. I would suggest that Esther plants a tube of lipstick that doesn't belong to either of them somewhere for them both to find on their next visits, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it would only backfire on the staff. First, she might get blamed for not cleaning thoroughly enough, and second, all the staff would end up suffering since Mr will have a lot of additional free time to bug you all. I guess it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Too bad though since the fireworks would have been highly entertaining.

    1. The lipstick idea sounds like fun, but as you say it could be a little dangerous and backfire. However, we're not above sabotage here when we think the Mister might be in jeopardy. Is it our fault when we disremember which tea or breakfast cereal all these women want when they wake up?

    2. ROFL. I love the fact that you're not above sabotage. That line cracked me up. I'll have to think of something suitable devious where none of you will get blamed