Monday, March 12, 2007

You thought you'd heard it all

Song Stuck on the Brain: Long Trip Alone by Dierks Bentley. Got the new album this weekend and listened to it all day long. I really love this track.

So, I know I've told you all about some of my weird dreams, so this probably won't come as a surprise to you, but I had a doozy of one last night. In fact, I have to say, I think this was my strangest one yet. And for me to say that - well, let's just say it was a REAL doozy.

It's always hard for me to relate these dreams to people and really capture the oddness of them, but I'm going to try. Have you ever had a dream and been both actively participating in it, as well as a disembodied voyeur? Well, that's how last night's was. I felt and saw everything as if I was in my own body, seeing with my own eyes -yet at the same time I was watching myself as if I was just some disinterested party.

Best I remember, it started with my meeting up with an old friend that was pregnant. She was only about six months along. Then, after visiting with her, things shifted and suddenly I realized I was pregnant too. Like it was a flu bug to be caught. Logically I knew there was nothing I had done to be in that condition, but yet there I was, feeling the baby kick and waiting with baited breath for the chance to hold my own child. Next, I was in a room with my friend again. Now, she was holding her baby. I took it into my arms and as I held this perfect little person, I felt this amazing sense of rightness. It felt RIGHT to hold this baby, and I couldn't wait to hold my own.

From there the dream went kind of hazy, just vague images and sensations of day to day activities leading up to delivery and feeling pregnant. Then I went into labor. Having never experienced that before, I couldn't tell you how realistic it was, but it FELT realistic. It's always amazed me how the subconscious can conjure things to such a realistic level when you've never experienced it before. Like once when I dreamed I was shot in the heart, the labor felt intensely realistic. I was in a delivery room, in the stirrups, going through all the normal (I would suppose) things, when I suddenly delivered.

From my ear.

Yeah, my ear. It was all normal up to that point then, with a cock of my head a clear balloon like object the size of a large orange, squeezed out of my left ear. The doctor caught it and held it up for me to see. Inside was the tiniest baby I'd ever seen. Completely perfect in every way and no longer than a grain of long rice. The doctor took it away to a nursery where I knew the nurses would burst the sack and place the baby in an incubator to continue growing to full size. I was excited and yet still feeling all the pain from labor. Then at that moment, I saw myself again from a distance, I looked as if I'd just gone through a major battle, a wounded soldier laying their bleeding with tubes and sensors taped to me. I was completely limp, like everything had been taken out of me completely. Then I was seeing through my own eyes again.

That's pretty much where that dream ended, there were others throughout the night, but none as bizarre as this one. I laughed about it this morning, because it was just so odd. Dreaming about being pregnant or having a baby is not really a new thing for me, but this one was just so present and real, plus it had a grittier feel to it. It's hard to explain.

After thinking about it for a while, I came up with this conclusion. My pregnancy or baby was a dream or idea I was laboring to give birth to. Which is why when I did deliver, it came from my brain. It was the birth of my creative mind. Which is what? My novels? Cuz, I could of been giving birth to quintuplets if that's the case. I think it was more the concept of just acknowledging my dream to be a writer and be able to give birth or completion to all the stories that are floating around in my mind. And let me tell you, the labor analogy ain't no joke when it comes to birthing a finished book.

I've got to wonder, do other writer's do this? I don't know if it's my vivid imagination or just that for me dreams seem to be a way for me to work through issues, but what a nutty way to acknowledge all my angst and inner turmoil as a writer. And if this dream has any bearing on my life at all, I hope the labor pains end soon, cuz I'd really like to be cradling my finished book right now and not still groaning as I try to squeeze it from my brains.

Sheesh. I told you my dreams were weird.



Chaos-Jamie said...

How funny! I suppose I will take credit for most of this one. :D

April Erwin said...

Well, I figure your condition was probably in my subconscious already and that's what triggered the metaphore. But I have to take all the blame for any writer's angst. You've been nothing but encouraging. :) Hope baby is doing well.

Amy R. said...

That is too funny! :) You do have the best dreams! :)

April Erwin said...

Oh, wait til I tell you about last nights...