14 thoughts on “Feedback for Maribel”

  1. Maribel, i liked your essay. i liked how you compared crimes committed by people from other races and crimes committed by white people.How same crime committed by  a white guy won’t get as much blame or hate, but when for example a Muslim guy did the same crime would get more hate and people would blame the whole Muslim race just for one crime . I also like how you described that parents don’t want their kids to have hatred towards other races but they might get influenced form the internet and might think that its okay to hate a certain race or religion.

  2. All your writing is consistent, I was able to follow it completely and while reading it I noticed all the research  that you did and how passionate you sound about this topic. If I have to say something that could make it this essay better I guess that it would be for you to write a little more in your conclusion to give a bigger sense of closure to the essay.

  3. Maribel, It was evident that you believe white nationalism in America is formalized, with things like xenophobia it is easy to understand why people react the way that they do but if I were to change something in your essay it would be the thesis, In my opinion I felt that the thesis was a bit unclear and could be formalized better.

  4. Maribel, I really enjoyed reading your argument white nationalism in America. your essay contained a lot of information that not only, informed the readers but, got us thinking about this subject matter deeply. You provided such great evidence and overall your essay was captivating. Some few suggestions I do have are, to revise your intro paragraph because, it gets a little confusing after while. Do not just get right into the topic but, rather hook the readers in or something like that. Good Job!

  5. Maribel, You did a phenomenal job on your  Argumentative essay about  White Nationalism In America. all the evidence you provided fit right into the idea you had in mind,  your essay was very educational to read. my suggestion would be some  sentence need minor fixing  like They are giving the extremes a message that if they do something ( them they ) and explain What does the right wing believe in? 



  6. Seeing that your essay was about White Nationalism scared me until I actually read it. This essay is a game-changer because it opens peoples eyes to seeing whats barely been noticed. a touch on grammar will make your essay stronger but other than that great essay.

  7. I really enjoyed your essay about white nationalism. You mentioned so many things that people may find hard to notice or may not notice at all.  I liked the consistency of your essay and the structure.  Your eddy grabbed my attention good job.

  8. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. It really makes you think about stuff that goes unsaid or noticed. You gave us a lot of evidence and your essay is just all in all fascinating. You did a great job

  9. Your argument was very touching. I’m personally touched by your argument because your essay is like giving a voice people who don’t have one. I love that you pointed out white nationalism, I thought that was very important because some people look at other races as major criminals except white people. Your overall message was addressed respectfully and clearly and I enjoyed your essay. One minor criticism is there were a couple of sentences you could’ve combined but overall great essay.

  10. Maribel,  loved your essay topic and I think is’t important for people to have the idea of white nationalism. Overall your essay was grate. One think I will suggest you to do is, give less explanation in the introduction and use hook for the reader. 

  11. I like the topic of your essay, but some readers may not have a lot of knowledge of the terminology that you use. Maybe you can define some of the political terms that you used. But your essay was really well made, contained a lot of information, had a counterargument and a rebuttal and overall was a good example of a argumentative essay.

  12. I enjoyed your essay. It was well informed, had clear evidence and your points were clear. Your transition between paragraphs was well done, and I do agree with your point, this is an issue that should be taken more into consideration. You had very few mistakes, but your essay was very well written and enjoyable

  13. Your essay was well put together and informational.Your writing brings attention to an ongoing danger that has been happening right before our eyes and we haven’t been paying  more attention to it.I couldn’t really find anything wrong with your essay,I would just include one of the articles we read in class and how it connects to what you wrote.Otherwise it was really good.

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