Where are the Salty Crackers?

crackers-tshirtYes. I am being serious, and very literal. I remember as a child getting crackers, and the baked, crispy bread goodness combined with the oversalty goodness of chips had me in heaven. Experiencing alot of as of yet undiagnosed stomach issues, I spend quite a lot of my time eating crackers lately. And I want to know what happened to the salt? I mean sure, if you lick your lips after eating about 5 of them you get a little salt kick back. But whatever happened to the crackers that had each bite covered in some salty delight?

I think this goes back to the issues of people who are unable to take accountability for their actions. And apparently some people have no common sense, and can’t read. Ok, so salt isn’t the healthiest of options, and in this day and age of healthfreakism I totally understand that having the low sodium options are all the rage. But why can’t the original version still be salty good? Or why can’t they offer a salty good alternative for those of us who desire it? Seriously, the only answer I have come up with irritates me slightly. It’s that apparently people don’t know how to control themselves so they end up getting everything extra salty, extra buttered, extra larded, extra sugary if its available but can’t understand why it is that they are gaining weight when “they have barely had anything to eat at all”.

The problem is that these lack-of-common-sense-er’s are not just sitting at home and wallowing in self pity like in the good ol’ days. Nooo, they have to be like Kyle’s mom on South Park and go start rally’s and petitions to force food company’s to change every damn thing so that it can be considered health wise. I’m sorry, but I think this is laziness most foul, and it needs to be stopped. Someone should teach these people the magic of casual label reading. It takes all of 45 seconds to glance at a label and determine how many calories for how many units you’ll be consuming, not to mention the % of daily amounts of whatever it is that you’ll be consuming per unit. I mean, really, if you are SOO worried about your health, can you not just put in a minute or so of mental math each time you are about to put something in your mouth and figure out if it’s something maybe you should forego?

But, in this day and age of mindless laziness, everyone has to do everything for everyone else, otherwise the inconvenience is riot-able. So just make EVERYTHING uber healthy, sugar, sodium fat, and calorie free and screw anyone who has a problem with that. Not for anything but I cannot stand people who sit idly by and expect the world to do all the work for them. Again, it’s like the lady who sued McDonalds for making her kid fat. Fast food is not a necessity, and McDonalds isn’t the only option. You have the choice, always, to just NOT EAT IT. ALWAYS. DON’T EAT IT. Just saying. I mean, common-sense-ers eat a delicious little “bad-for-you” treat from McDonalds and then cook some decent home cooked meals for the rest of the week, maybe skip desert one day. I, for one, ate a BK Double Stacker, Whopper Junior with bacon and cheese AND a Bourbon Whopper (all without mayo – it’s an allergy, but in case anyone was wondering you CAN take unhealthy things off of your order, and I swear it doesn’t cost you a cent more) all in the same sitting, right before bed last night. I have done this from time to time, I don’t work out, and no I don’t binge then purge/fast. I just eat reasonably most of the time and wild out occasionally. It’s all about balance, people.

building-slingshotBut I digress. Sorry, I can’t help it, I have this ranting on a completely different tangent issue. You’d think I would make it a New Years resolution to change that….naaahh. ANYWAYS, so back to the crackers. Now, maybe, like Kyle’s mom in South Park, I should start some kind of stink about this, go yelling in the streets, start slingshotting bodies into the Dare building until the re-salt my gosh-darned crackers! Unlike most people, I don’t actually even own straight salt in my house. At all. I find it to be an unnecessary seasoning, and I manage to make everything I cook taste absolutely fabulous without it. I hate the taste of salty cooked food, all I taste is salt and heart attack. But on my crackers? Bring it ON!! And realistically, did you know that you need to ingest salt because the salt/water balance in your body needs to be maintained from outer influences? I’m just saying. 2 points for salt on crackers!

Ok. Clearly, you would think being in school full time, ill without a diagnosis, in pain, bills to pay without a job, OSAP giving me headaches, etc. etc. that I would have more important things to complain about. But no. Today, all I care about it salt on my crackers. Screw school, give me SALTY CRACKERS!!!!

Ahhh….gotta love Thursdays lol


5 thoughts on “Where are the Salty Crackers?

  1. I was thinkin the same thing just the other day. Only about sprinkles. Why aren’t there sprinkles on things anymore? everything should be covered in sprinkles


  2. @ Dlite

    LMAO!! I always look forward to seeing what you’ll say next.

    @ Anonymous

    I wish I could feel you on that one, but i always hated sprinkles actually. The removal of sprinkles from everything was one of the best things to happen in my life (OK, overexaggerating slightly, but only slightly :-p)

    @ Banquo

    Really? I think the salt TOTALLY enhances the peanut butter flavor, and the cheese flavor…and every flavor…GIVE ME DEATH OR GIVE ME SALT (on crackers only, please!!)


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