Tuesday, 24 April 2012

What pop has taught me so far this year.

I have to endure Radio 1, all day, every day, during the week at work. It's difficult and it makes my day much harder to bear.

When I listen to music I listen to the lyrics and try to work out what the song means. This throws up an interesting paradox as most pop songs have no, or limited meaning.

However from listening to Radio 1's constant stream of 'popular music' I have ascertained the following-

The Wanted- I keep taking a pop at this lot, but I can't help it, they make it so easy. Anyway on current rotation is the stellar 'Glad you came'.

Here's a section of the lyrics:

"Turn the lights out now
Now I'll take you by the hand
Hand you another drink
Drink it if you can
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came"

As you can clearly see 'Glad you came' is the date rapists anthem. In short, The Wanted = Date Rapists.

Connor Maynard- Pop's new uber star. Bieber better watch out, this fella has a cap, and isn't afraid to wear it a skewif angle.

Let's look at a section of his breakthrough song, 'Can't say no':

"Some girls are naughty,
Some girls are sweet,
One thing they got in common, they all got a hold on me,
Meet them at the party,
Meet them in the street,
Getting me in so much trouble but that's alright with me,
They got my engines turning,
This happens every time,
I see a pretty girl and,
I wanna make her mine"

You probably remember at school there was always one lad that would go on about his never ending stream of sexual conquests. It got to the stage where he probably believed the lie, but everyone else knew he'd never had a sniff. This my friends is Connor Maynard. Connor Maynard = Boasty virgin.

Carly Rae Jepsen- Out of nowhere this summer's soundtrack has arrived (apparently). It's floaty, carefree and poptastic. You just can't help but bop along.

Let's look a bit deeper shall we:

"Hey, I just met you,
and this is crazy,
but here's my number,
so call me, maybe?"

I wonder how often Carly just does this? Sounds to me that if you're in the right place at the right time you might have a shot with Carly. To sum up, Carly Rae Jepsen = Easy.

Justin Bieber- No pop run down would be complete without the current crown prince.

I'm not going to take a pop at his lyrics, as far as I'm concerned this wordsmith has them nailed. However take a listen-

Don't worry you'll only need to listen to about 2 seconds before you hear it. Is that a whale (or perhaps dolphin) performing backing vocals? I bet it could just be. Therefore Justin Bieber = Aquaman.

Sean Paul- The king of illegible dance hall pop returns.

I haven't got a clue what this chap is banging on about, all I know is that it sounds like 'enema'. Sean Paul = patron of water based internal arse irrigation.

Fun- Indie popsters singing there hearts out with anthemic uplifting pop. There's a lot of pop in that sentence.

Here's a section of lyrics from "We are young":

"My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses asking about a scar, and
I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you’re trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies
You know, I’m trying hard to take it back"

I'll think you'll agree that's some dark stuff. So when you see a group of youngsters singing it loud in a club, maybe that's the time to remind them that it's actually an endorsement of domestic violence. Fun = Wife Beaters.

I could continue on, but this post might become a ramble. There's plenty more out there, from promoting your mediocre electro pop song through the medium of a grainy blowjob video, to appearing on every tv show currently being broadcast.

The writer of this blog is very shortly taking part in a ludicrously long charity walk for Asthma UK. If you're feeling generous you can kindly sponsor him here.

By The Man Blog.


  1. http://www.funnywallphotos.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/tupac-bieber.jpg



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