Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Preschoolers and The Sex Talk: Starting It Young

Okay, so I'm not actually talking to Aiden about sex. We're not having conversations about the act itself, but the organs. His organs, not mine. One thing at a time for this single momma. Although he does know what breasts are, and I've assured him that when he "becomes a boy grown up," he will not grow breasts (kids really do say the darndest things).

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about Aiden's penis touching habits and I'm so glad that you guys chimed in on that discussion. (By the way, the comments are raw and real... and funny. You guys are hilarious!). And while Aiden's new habit has me thinking of new ways to teach him to keep his penis in his pants and not play with himself in public (seriously, how many different ways can one say this?), another issue that need not be glossed over is about boundaries. And private parts. And who is allowed to look at and touch private parts.

Aiden and I have begun discussing (in preschooler speak, of course) the importance of not letting just anyone see and/or touch his private parts. Because he is so vocal about everything, especially the activities of his day, I often take it for granted and feel as though he'd voluntarily tell me if a weido someone were to touch his private part. But that's not necessarily true.

So we're talking about it. And he's asking questions. And I'm trying to answer them as best as I can.

Never thought "The Sex Talk" would start at such an early age. But it has.

How do you talk to your kid(s) about sex?


  1. I too never thought I would be talking about sex to my little children. I do not remember even thinking about stuff like that. My kids want to know everything-breasts,penis,pubic area and all. I am speechless most times. I have to think about how to explain to them. I try to be open and use the correct words and all.
    I am not sure if I am teaching this subject the right way. What is the right way?

  2. well as a teacher we had that type of talk w/ the 5th graders. and that sucked bc i had a script and it was just rough, especially bc I knew one of he children had experienced that horribleness and was in counselling.

    Che started talking to the boys at a young age as well. im not a mom but i know its not easy.

    its never too early to talk to your child about keeping what is private private, and telling you God forbid someone crosses the line.

  3. Glad you're talking about it. It needs to happen. Just found out yesterday about a 4 year old I know being touched. Absolutely sick about it. Talk early and often.

  4. You have to start young and you have to tell your kids what is okay and what is not. I also don't want my son to have any shame associated with his body. I want him to be modest in how he carries himself but not ashamed of his body. We haven't talked about sex in explicit terms. But we have talked about pregnancy and breastfeeding,lol.

  5. You are doing a great job! and you have completed the most important step which is to talk about it- u have no idea how hard it is for me to get parents to talk about it. It is normal not to feel comfortable talking about sex. The other important thing is to not use silly words. Ex. I had one of my pediatric patients tell me that they don't like to talk to mom & dad about anything because they told him penis was pee tails and when he said it at a party all the kids laughed at him. Basically you loose your children's trust. Good job!

  6. Knowing the proper name of all his body parts is a great way to start! I'm a health educator, and I see parents that are reluctant to speak with their kids about body parts and how they work. Just this last year, I had to teach sexually active 8th grade girls about HOW they could get pregnant. They are already sexually active! Humph.
    It's great that he knows his own body parts. He should know that girls are different, and that only Mommy and his doctor can touch him - if Mommy is there. It should be stressed that if anyone wants to touch him there, he should tell you right away because that is his private area.

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  8. Oh goodness. NO! But I imagine we will tackle some things in the next year or so. I do of course call all parts by their official name and such and want to start telling him that his are private and not to be touched but anyone but us. Good job mama!

  9. You're doing a great job...I think it's important that young kids know that nobody should be looking at or touching the private parts of their body that their swimsuit covers. Winnie the Pooh (I'll admit, I'm a fan!) did an episode years ago (we're talking, like 20 years ago...) called "Too Smart For Strangers" that covers most of the basics in a safe Winnie the Pooh style. I found it on YouTube--I still think it's useful, though it's amazing how even preschoolers can tell that it's old. ;)


  10. This is great..i don't even know if it's necessarily the sex question..as much as the body part and being safe question! OMG i cannot even imagine having this talk with my son someday...you go girl!

  11. Kudos to you! I say its never too early to start. Like you've stated, you just put it in kid-friendly language so they "get it." I'm really eager to start the Good Touch/Bad Touch conversation with Chase, but am finding it hard as long as he's not potty trained. Kinda hard to tell a 2 1/2 year old boy that not anyone is allowed to see/touch his private parts when he is at daycare and still poops in his pants. LOL. So Im thinking when he's closer to 3 and out of diapers I'll dive right in.

    GOod job!!! Keep us posted on how it goes.

  12. Because I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse it was very easy for me to talk to my children. And one of the first things I taught them was not to get scared when the someone would say they was going to hurt me. I told them not to cry or worry but to come home and tell me. I told them not to vocalize they were going to tell me, because then that would make the person scared or mad and he/she could really hurt them. I also taught them if a stranger come up and try and take them start screaming you are not my mommy. I know it sounds crazy, but I spent over half my life in counseling because some nasty people didn't understand boundaries.

  13. Sounds like you are doing an incredible job. My daughter also been getting curious and knows all the parts by name. She also touches her belly button for comfort but being a girl that is obsessed with dresses it can look strange when she lifts up her dress and reveals her undies in the stroller. I try to tell her that those parts are private and she should keep her dress down when in public. I think the best thing is to keep the conversation going - it's pretty incredible what they understand at this age.

  14. You're off to a great start! We started around three when the incessant picking at the V began. Our theme is that vaginas and penises are private parts and touching of them is an alone activity that we do in private (ie: go to your room kid!)

    On that theme, we also say that no one should touch your private parts except you the exception being if a family member is helping you in the bath or wiping or the doctor can if mommy and daddy are right there.

    I figure there will be lots more to expand on but that's a good base line.

  15. I have an 11 year old and two toddlers so I approach this topic very differently. With my oldest he is "age appropriate " so girls are yuck to him but we do talk about things like pubic hair, etc. For my toddlers if I see themselves in their diapers, I try not to bring too much attention to it!

  16. @Step Parent's Cove: I am so sorry to hear that something like that happened to you. It must have been so hard (and maybe still is??). But it is so good that you talked about it with your children.

    @Laila: Pregnancy and breastfeeding -- haha! That's a start!

    @Cam: Ugh! That makes me sick to my stomach. UGH! "Talk early and often" -- wise words, my friend.

    @Nenyenwa: No silly words over here!

    @Carla: Thanks! I'll look it up!

    @Yakini: "Good touch/bad touch" -- I like that idea. I think I'll frame it like that the next time we have the conversation.

    @Serena: Keeping the conversation going is DEFINITELY key.

    @Guavalicious: Def a good baseline.

  17. Oh yeah... and now we're talking about girls parts too. The other day, Aiden asked me if I have a penis too, to which I had to reply (in public!) that nope, girls have vaginas.


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