Tuesday, 13 October 2009

4OD: Joe Millionaire UK

I LOVED the American version of Joe Millionaire, it was the ultimate in schmaltz. This Disney prince of a guy (I think he was a farmer, it was a while back) pretended to be rich, and wined and dined all these gold-digging bints before finally revealing he was brass. Did they end up together? I doubt it, but at least she was gracious, and they airbrushed things a bit.
I have no idea when the UK Joe Millionaire screened, but I just watched the whole series of it on 4OD. And boy, was it cut price. Instead of a square-jawed, charming hunk, we get Dominic, a bouncer from Bournemouth. He was so fucking boring that even with his faux-villa in Ibiza, you would have taken your chances in San Antonio at 3am rather than put up with this dude's smooth talk. Joe Millionaire US had a butler, Dominic UK had a producer who came on and said 'put your flip flops on girls, we're going to dinner.' There wasn't even a presenter! Come on, they could have got Michael Underwood to do it, surely.
Cheap! Some of the girls were actually OK, but why they put themselves up for this sexist bullshit, god alone knows. I don't see Joanna Millionaire anywhere, do you?
*spoiler- in the unlikely event that my blog post has so moved you, you are going to watch this series, stop reading now*
So genius boy turns down the lovely Welsh Jane who you could tell actually really liked him, and ended up picking probably the only girl who WAS bothered that he didn't have any £££, a complete crab-cunt called Amanda. Watching her face when he told her he didn't have the cash almost made it worth sitting through the other seven tedious episodes. Then she saw his 'no fear' tattoo and virtually ran up that hill in a different direction. There was one more scene where the producers forced her to go visit him in his normal house where she passed snotty comments on his clothes, his friends car, and finally, his job. I hope she's found her footballer by now; because her grasping outlook on relationships surely points to a destiny of hard-faced unhappiness.
Dominic, not only are you a dullard, you're a sucker. And Amanda, you're an arsehole. Should have picked Jane. Hey ho.
If you have any suggestions of good stuff to watch, on 4OD, or torrents, do let me know, as the TV schedulers seem to have given up. I've got Curb and Medium on the go, but could do with some more lightweight stuff. Thanks Exitainmentites.


Anonymous said...

Don't you mean 'Exitentities'?

Fond regards,

Jan Moir x

Anonymous said...

i just watched this whole series today...that amanda one was a complete slag and her bullshit at the end of the show just showed her true colours...gold digging snotty crab faced cunt! dom was sick to his stomache when she told him she was taking mummy to new york in december and spending their five grand on shopping and expensive hotels and she showed her true colours!

what did the idio dom get out of it ? in the u.s show the supposid millionaire and his missus actually got 1million out of the show for the embarrassment of competing but this uk version sucked ass big time.. watered down isnt the word...

thanks for the hilarious review !

lightupvirginmary said...

Hey- thanks for the comment. I guess he just wanted the fame... but the whole thing was poor, we can't do reality tv like the americans!

Unknown said...

The prettiest and most genuine one to me was Verity from Bristol. She was a good singer too. Watched it this week. I believe it first came out in 2003 just after the US version. It seemed like it was done very cheaply unlike the US one. I disagree we can't do reality like the US, it's just that they can spend a lot more money on a show!