Monday, March 21, 2011

Depending on our parents





How is that cycle supposed to continue?





What do you think?


  1. Great post! I think many parents who weren't able to rely on family assistance when they were young see this kind of gift to their kids as a sign of their own financial success.

    In the couple of years since I graduated, I have let the existence of a parental safety net allow me to make some job and life choices that weren't financially smart, although there were some other less tangible benefits. I'm now unemployed and living at home (for free) while I search for a new job. I always took pride in the fact that I never asked for handouts, but I've realized recently that I have been just as irresponsible as the people who do.

    It's been a humbling experience, but I'm lucky that my wonderful, generous family is willing to help while I turn things around. That's enough of a gift - I certainly won't be asking them for more in the future!

  2. Hell to the no. T and I have been on our own since 17. It's been hard, especially when everyone else we know has had a helping hand in some way from family.

    Not sure if my family will offer to help with the wedding (his certainly can't afford to) but I wouldn't want to accept it. I'm planning on a low-key, low-budget one, maybe $5k if I can manage it.

  3. I don't expect any handouts because I know my mum & dad can't afford it. We were pretty poor when I was growing up - not hand to mouth but enough to teach me to be cautious & frugal.

    It really annoys me when grown adults - in full time, well paid work - expect their parents to keep bailing them out. The people I know in that situation seem to have no sense of personal responsibility - not just financial but everything else too - because they aren't having to suffer from the consequences of their actions. No savings for a house? No problem, mum & dad'll pay. Accidentally pregnancy? no problem, mum & dad will pay - and babysit too! Grr!

  4. What do I think? Well, I couldn't agree more with your conclusion but I found your self-righteous, self-congratulatory, and smug tone off-putting. Seems to be a hazard of the PF blogger trade, though.

    Perhaps you should thank your "friends" for the self esteem boost you get while judging them.

  5. I agree with you, for the most part.

    I had no problem accepting help from my parents for our wedding, because I knew they had been planning and saving for it for years. I did demand to know exactly how much they had saved specifically for my wedding, so that I could stick to their budget, and supplement with my own savings.

    But a down-payment on a house? No way. First, I know that neither of our parents could afford to just randomly help us out with a large purchase. All of our parents work hard, but they work sort of average paying jobs, with kids (and parents) still at home to support.

    We did get a few hundred dollars loan from my parents for part of our car downpayment, but my dad did it because he wanted my old used car (which I paid for half of) back for my brother, and didn't want to wait for us to save up.

    I guess I don't have a problem accepting small(ish) monetary "gifts" from my parents, or letting them buy us dinner or stock our fridge when they visit (it makes my mom happy). But for something like our condo, I feel that it was our responsibility to save the money if we want the responsibility of a home that we own.

    I think that might have made me sound kind of wishy-washy on the subject, but in my head, there's a clear line between accepting a little help (even if you don't need it) and asking for, or expecting, a downpayment, a new car, free rent, etc.

  6. I think that if a person/couple doesn't have the money to pay the down payment and closing costs, they're not prepared for home ownership!

    I would be nice to get a chunk from my parents, but we don't do things like that in my family. At any rate it's better for all of us if they keep their financial house in order, and I take care of my own.

  7. I'm not in that situation...I worry about helping my mom in later years. But, if I had family in a position to help with a down payment on a house, I don't know that I'd really turn it down. I'd like to say no, but in all actuality I might take it. Though I do agree that it's important to continue that legacy, so I'd want to work hard and save to be able to help my kids too.
    I catch myself juding people whose parents help them out...even in little ways, but I have to remember that every family is different, and gifts aren't necessarily a bad thing. I try not to judge too harshly, especially since I suspect some of my judgment is really thinly-veiled jealousy. (Speaking for myself and being totally honest.)

  8. I think even those of us who are super-savvy with our money (and don't rely on our parents to get us by) won't be in such great position to help our kids out, beyond the cost of raising them. It's way more expensive to live/own a home/retire now, even adjusted for inflation, than it was for our parents. We live frugally and save for the future, and yet I cannot fathom we'd ever be able to help a child or two purchase a house unless we win the lottery that we don't even play.

  9. We've not turned down help when offered ('vacationing' at their house, buying their used car from them for a low price, inherited furniture/household goods), or help with the wedding (5 yrs ago now). But, I agree. Our parents' money is just that, theirs. If they want to offer help, then by all means, but we would have to be in a bad way before we solicited such help.

  10. I agree that if the kids are used to getting help from their parents all the time that they are not learning how to maintain their lifestyle financially themselves and that is dangerous.

    I'm lucky to have parents that have worked very hard to be where they are today and are also very financially savvy with their money. They offered to help us out with our wedding but I turned them down as we were more than able to pay for it ourselves. Instead they have now said that that money will be given to us to put towards our downpayment when we buy our first home.

    While we don't plan to rely on this money being given to us (we are currently saving for our own deposit), when it gets to the point when we do purchase our first property, we would treat it as a blessing that we can use this to reduce our loan.


Thanks for commenting!