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Friend ditches me for her boyfriend?


One of my friends is very concerned about being with guys. She dated one of our friends behind my back for a month and then told me when I became upset over it that it “didn’t even effect my life” I considered these two people to be my best friends and they would hang out without me and post pictures to social media of them hanging out without me while they were dating secretly. I was so upset and hurt over this and then they never really apologized until after I told them they didn’t handle telling me they were dating appropriately. If I had known they were dating from the beginning, then I wouldn’t have been so concerned and thought that my friends secretly hated me. Their relationship didn’t last and we are no longer a trio because of it, and that’s something my friend did by romantically purusing my other friend, and it effected my life and I don’t think that’s fair to me.

She recently got a new boyfriend who I actually like and he’s really nice, if she’s going to ditch me for a guy, at least it’s a nice one this time. However, she goes to school with him and they are going to work for a whole month together this summer far away. I don’t go to school in state so summer is the only time I’ll see her before I’ll be away for a year. I thought we would spend time together before she leaves and because she has a job I told her to message me when she wants to hang out- but she hasn’t done that and she keeps posting pictures of her and her boyfriend together. She works and the relationship is relatively new, but I’m kind of getting sick of being put on the back burner when I’ve been friends with her for so long. It’s like… you’ve known him for a year but you’ve known me for 7.

I need another persons opinion on this issue, is she worth it? should I priortize my emotional energy and connection elsewhere?

Category: Tags: asked May 23, 2015

4 Answers

Based on what you have presented, it's quite clear that you see friendships quite differently. You are not on the same page with this person.

People won't always meet your expectations therefore it's best to invest some of that energy in yourself. Besides, do you want to constantly hold people responsible for your happiness whenever they disappoint you?

While I believe you should continue forming connection, but I also believe that you should form new connections with yourself as well. Create learning opportunities for yourself, do something challenging.

Always put your own needs before others, there is nothing evil about doing that :)
Just want to make something clear, there is no right or wrong way to look at friendships. Everyone's opinion is different, therefor we don't all have the same friendships as others.On a different note.... I don't think she's a very good friend, don't get me wrong she is allowed to go out and spend time with her boyfriend, I do that all the time, but I always make sure I have room for my friends that are very close to me, practically family. But if she isn't making the effort, and you are the only one trying to see her, considering you won't see her for a year, it's not a bad request rather a decent one. So my opinion is she isn't in it for the friendship, she just wants the title. Just my opinion though. And I agree with Noble Pebbles, nothings wrong with putting your happiness first.
I don't want to upset you more or discourage you but you are asking all the wrong questions. Ya she is your friend but I suppose you don't feel like spending the rest of your life with her right. the difference between a friend and a boyfriend/girlfriend is that a friend can always understand the emotions of another friend and will always back them up whatever be the situation. She has a boyfriend, all that she should do is to spend more and more time with her, find out more and more about the person she might oneday will have to spend the rest of her life with. Instead you want her to ditch all that and be with you. Think about it, don't you become the most ununderstanding friend ever. you should instead of making her feel guity for not being able to give you time, maybe you should help her spend amazing time with her boyfriend. Obviously she is one person and cannot be splitted. You have known her for 7 years, dude that's a long, very long time to understand someone. use your experience to help her. you are the only one she will turn to in her worst days. Dude its like law or rule of friendship. Just stop and think on what you are demanding for and what you should do. But if, just if there is a slightest possiblity that you may have have feelings for her, then dude tell her about it as fast as you can. Or else be the frined she needs. I hope the very best for you.
i feel the same with my friends