That emergency COVID-19 money is burning a hole through the pockets of Polis administration bureaucrats who are chomping at the bit to blow it on projects that have absolutely nothing to do with containing or dealing with the deadly virus.

Polis himself decreed how all of the federal emergency money would be spent, which is actually the job of the state legislature.

But since Polis appears to have also crowned himself as the sovereign lord and master of all Coloradans and pissed all over the state’s constitution, here’s how the $4 million can be spent on infrastructure projects to keep us healthy and COVID free.

Transportation workers are going to fill potholes and repair roads.

Just kidding! We’re going to get more bike paths!

Here’s the list of projects communities can apply for to spend COVID-19 funds:

Some of the uses for the money could include reconfiguring streets for biking or walking, expanding sidewalks, reducing speed limits or converting some streets to bicycle and pedestrian-only use.

Because nothing keeps us safer from COVID than getting us out of the social distancing of cars and back amongst the crowds. We’ve no clue how reducing speed limits stops the spread of the virus.

The only project suggestion that comes even close to being virus-related follows up on Polis’s suggestion that restaurants relocate their dining rooms to parking lots. 

Calling them “quick-win activities,” CDOT describes projects like converting parking spaces to outdoor dining as fostering economic development during the pandemic.

That’s Polis’s idea of economic development, turning parking lots into restaurants, streets into bike paths, and restricting businesses to the summer season.