Ack! Part Deux

Random Chick has left the building. She is in search of her muse, which decided to take a vacation during the Christmas holiday and then never returned. The least the muse could have done was leave a note or a number of where it can be reached, but nooooo! It just took off. Perhaps it is wandering around Alaska somewhere looking for a view of Russia.

Meanwhile, Random Chick was getting really nervous, stressed, panicked so she just left too. She just ran out of the house in her Wonder Woman pajamas, her hair all disheveled, screaming, “Where did it go? I must find it! I must find it!” I hope she finds that muse sometime soon. She left me in charge.

Who am I? That’s a good question. It’s difficult to answer but let’s just say that most people call me Ack! I’m that thing you refer to when your life seems to meander aimlessly toward old age. You know, when the highlight of your day is drinking expensive coffee and watching “Dancing with the Stars.” You thought you’d be doing great, amazing, or stupendous things by the time you hit 40, but actually you drag your [email protected]$ out of bed, hurry everybody out the door, throw back something that resembles food, and go sit in a Borg-like cubicle for eight hours a day. You keep doing this until your back or knees give out (whichever comes first) then you run to the doctor for a cure. He tells you that you have kidney stones and that you’re going to be in a world of hurt until they pass. Suddenly, you get excited when you hear that your favorite jeans now come with an elastic waistband.

Where am I going with all this drivel? Basically, I’m just trying to keep everybody off antidepressants until Random Chick returns with her muse. How am I doing so far? Don’t look at me like that! I don’t get paid to do this!! I do it out of the goodness of my heart, which has shriveled down to a raisin. You can just take your delusional, happy, happy, joy, joy attitude and hit the road! Right now I’ve got bigger problems on my hands. Like how I’m supposed to take care of Random Chick’s dull life while she’s gone. Not everyone can balance a mid-life crisis, perimenopause, dirty toilets, cat barf, boogers on the wall, and weed trees all at once but someone has got to do it.

So, now that I have your attention…what’s bugging you lately?