The Brave and the Bold #54

Atw4 brave and the bold by masterthecreater-d5kl5q9-768x339

November 19, 2012
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Listen to the jive, if you are un-square!

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. And welcome back, my friends, to "Secret Origins Month 3"!

(Secret Origins Month title is shown)

Linkara: Today's comic is a bit different from the Secret Origins we've been talking about so far. We haven't gotten into the individual origins of the characters featured today, and there's a reason why we're jumping the gun a bit.

(A shot of the cover of DC Comics' "The New 52: Teen Titans")

Linkara (v/o): As people are probably aware, over the last year, I have grown more and more hatred of the DC reboot of 2011.

Linkara: (putting his hand to his ear) What's that? You're sick of hearing me bitch about the DC reboot? (laughs) Well, when they stop giving me things to bitch about, I'll stop doing the bitching!

(Cut to black)

Linkara (v/o): And no, I don't hate all of it.

(Cut to a montage of shots of better comics in this reboot to illustrate Linkara's point)

Linkara (v/o): "Demon Knights", "Batgirl", Scott Snyder's "Batman" book, the "Green Lantern" books, "All Star Western", BOOM! Recommendations! There you go!

(The montage continues: "Blue Beetle", "The Fury of Firestorm", "Batman: The Dark Knight", "Hawk and Dove", "Superman: Action Comics")

Linkara (v/o): But the more and more I think about everything they've tossed away, the more upset I get. At least "Crisis on Infinite Earths" tried to say that most of what had happened before still happened in their proper time frame. Sure, there were changes and they had problems, but stuff was eventually ironed out for the better. Maybe that'll happen here, too, but we already exist in an environment where comic books are seen as nothing more than intellectual properties to be turned into movie franchises, instead of just being there for the love of the medium.

(A poll from DC Comics is shown, which asks about, in honor of Zero Month, how one would like to learn about the history of the characters in "The New 52", with the majority of poll respondents voting, "How the experiment ends and we return to the 'real' DCU", the second most amount of respondents picking, "Bring back some characters, such as Wally West, Cassie Cain and Stephanie Brown", and the third most amount of respondents choosing, "Bring back the old DCU")

Linkara (v/o): We're in a state where DC will put out a poll asking their readers if they'd prefer the old universe back, as well as several other viable options... and then immediately TAKE THE POLL DOWN when the responses they get are not what they were hoping for!

Linkara: I'm just sayin' that it's hard to be optimistic when they're not giving me any reason why I should be.

(A montage of shots of the Teen Titans is shown)

Linkara (v/o): And that brings us to the Teen Titans. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Titans are my absolute favorite superhero team, and they contain some of my favorite characters in the whole of the DCU, despite them being routinely crapped on: members dying, horrible deaths, the membership of the team changing every few issues, editors who care more about a bunch of dumbass kids INSTEAD OF THE ACTUAL FRIGGIN' MAIN CHARACTERS!!

(Now the montage shows the Teen Titans as part of "The New 52")

Linkara (v/o): And then there's the most recent book. It's... (hesitates slightly) okay. It's not horrible, but it's not all that good, either, not helped by a really stupid four-part crossover with "Legion Lost" that I think will actually be the first storyline of "The New 52" that I end up reviewing on the show because it doesn't make a damn bit of sense!

Linkara: Sorry, I... kinda... got off track there. Where were we? Oh, right, the Teen Titans. Point is that early next year, around February and March, I'm going to do a retrospective on my favorite era of the Teen Titans. Like the "Countdown" reviews, it'll be pretty much brief glances at much of the storylines, and talking about why I love this team so much and what it meas to me as a superhero fan.

(Shots of the first comic to feature the Titans, "The Brave and the Bold #54" is shown)

Linkara (v/o): But before I get into the long history of the team, I feel like you all should get an introduction or two to the early days of the team. Hence, why, in this installment of Secret Origins Month, we're looking at what is considered the first appearance of the Teen Titans. I say "considered", because technically, nowhere in this book will you see the words "Teen Titans" being said. The first time that name was used was a year later in "Brave and the Bold #60". Here, they're more of a Junior Justice League, with three heroic sidekicks banding together. The reason we're looking at this story and not the one where they're first called "Teen Titans" is pretty much because of the same reason we looked at "Detective Comics 27", despite it not featuring Batman's origin story: it's the first time they appeared together. Plus, it was because of the success of the story that they got the idea to do the one later on.

Linkara: So let's dig into "Brave and the Bold #54" and watch some grown men try to write teenage characters in the 1960s!

(AT4W title plays; title card has "Great Balls of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis playing in the background; cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): The cover's pretty decent. We see our villain, Mr. Twister, as he rains fiery death upon Robin, who's carrying Kid Flash and Aqualad away. I also can't help but notice that Robin is copping a feel on Kid Flash as he drags him.

(Smiling smugly, Linkara raises his finger in the air)

Background singers: The Ambiguously Gay Duo!

Linkara (v/o): And also, Mr. Twister. Wow!

(Cut to a clip of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching The Undead, showing Quintus wearing a knight's armor)

Mike Nelson: (as Quintus) There, sure glad I don't look stupid in this.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): The dude's got a tricorner hat, long greasy hair, what appears to be a bearskin rug and his staff has random feathers all over it, as well as two grenades hanging off of it. I'm sorry, but I really don't get it.

Mr. Twister: You're finished, Robin! If Kid Flash and Aqualad couldn't stop my fire-storm with their super-powers, what chance do you have?

Linkara: (news announcer voice) In the weather today, cloudy with a chance of great balls of fire. You may want to pack an umbrella.

Linkara (v/o): We open on a splash page featuring... kind of the opposite of the cover, where Robin is now the one in peril, and the other two teens need to rescue him.

Aqualad: Leaping mantas!

Linkara: (as Aqualad) Ludicrous catchphrase!

Aqualad: That weird wind funnel...

Linkara (v/o): (disbelieving) You mean the tornado?? And don't give me any (mockingly) "He lives underwater so he doesn't know what that is!" (normal again and irate) There are such things as underwater tornadoes! And hell, even if we went by the logic of not knowing what a tornado is, chances are he wouldn't know what wind is, either!

Aqualad: It'll stop Kid Flash before he can catch Robin!

Linkara: (as Aqualad) Even though it's, like, twenty feet away and Kid Flash has super speed, this is truly perilous and I'm not overreacting at all!

Narrator: When Kid Flash, Aqualad, and Robin took off for Hatton Corners, each thought he'd been summoned to settle some typical "teen-age trouble"...

Linkara: Look the class just felt that (makes "finger quotes") "Our Town" wasn't interesting enough to be the school play. You didn't need to call superheroes in on this.

Narrator: ...never suspecting that they'd be teaming up--to battle a menace that catapulted them into the peril of their lives, when they meet... THE THOUSAND-AND-ONE DOOMS OF MR. TWISTER!

Linkara: (pointing at camera) I call false advertising! I counted up the number of dooms in this comic, and there were only 976! (crosses arms) I want my money back!

Linkara (v/o): We open in the town hall of Hatton Corners, where a public meeting is taking place, concerning the most serious of problems...

Mayor: Fellow citizens-- I propose a curfew to solve our town's teen-age problem!

Linkara: (as mayor) The only solution to this problem is (pounds hand into fist) martial law!

Linkara (v/o): I love how this town meeting even has people holding signs. People took time out of their lives to make signs for a town meeting about curfews! Geez, people really did have free time before the Internet, didn't they? Also, apparently, back in the '60s, the word "teenager" was not one word, but two, as evidenced by this sign: "Teen Agers [sic] Toe The MARK". Or perhaps there's just a big illiteracy problem in this town.

Another sign: More chores, less play.

Linkara: (cupping his hand over his mouth) GIVE SANCTIONS MORE TIME!

Narrator: At the same time, in a dilapidated barn just outside town, another meeting is called to order--a far stranger meeting...

Linkara: (as the orator of this meeting) I'd like to thank you all for attending this, the first official meeting of the Richard Attenborough Appreciation Society.

Linkara (v/o): No, it's a meeting of the town teenagers, because of course all teenagers think alike. They too have signs like "Adults are square" and "Nix the curfew". I'm just confused; who do they the teenagers expect to see these signs if it's just a meeting of all the teens, who I presume are already in some kind of hive mind? (looks at one kid in particular) Also, this kid has "Bugs" written on his shirt. He's either a big Mel Blanc fan or the creators were trying to slip in a Beatles reference. You make the call!

Leader [Eddie Corliss]: Gang--if we don't get our new teen-age clubhouse, we'll... we'll go on strike!

Linkara: Yeah, you tell 'em! I mean, it's not like, being underage, you pretty much mostly rely on the income of your parents anyway, in order to be fed, clothe yourselves, and have shelter from the elements.

Linkara (v/o): How do you "go on strike" as a teenager, exactly? Is this gonna end up like the plot on North or something? Also, this is really over a friggin' clubhouse?? Pool your money, buy some damn lumber, and build it yourselves, you lazy assholes! What the hell do you want out of this clubhouse that you need government funding for?!

(Cut to shots of "Superman Meets the Quik Bunny", showing the Quik Qlub treehouse)

Linkara (v/o): Or hell, just go to the Quik Bunny. He knows some people who will make your clubhouse, and upgrade it into a spacious, rocket-powered helicopter!

(Cut back to the "Brave and Bold" comic)

Linkara (v/o): We cut to Gotham City, where Batman is... I guess just chilling in the Batcave and reading a newspaper.

Batman: Hmph!... Those Hatton Corners teen-agers are acting like spoiled brats!

Linkara: (as Batman, pretending to read the paper) And what's this rock 'n' roll thing they keep mentioning? I don't know what it is, but I instantly distrust it.

Robin: Batman--you sound like an old square!

Linkara: (as Robin) Why can't you be a young hexagon, like me?

Linkara (v/o): Robin tells Batman that the Teen Club at Hatton Corners invited him to come to the town and plead their case. Well, of course! The best person to come and speak to the people who aren't listening to teenagers is... uh... a teenager. Also, where the hell did they get Robin's address? Or did Batman set up a P.O. box for his fan mail? Anyway, he asks Batman for permission to go.

Batman: Well... I guess I can spare you for a while!

Linkara: (as Batman, still looking at "paper") I mean, we're just so busy around here. (looks down) Ooh, new petition against tax!

Linkara (v/o): We cut to Central City, where there's apparently a news ticker billboard thing that proclaims: "TEEN TROUBLE IN HATTON CORNERS". Also, SLOWEST NEWS DAY EVER.

The Flash: What's with those teen-agers, Kid Flash? Why can't they behave themselves?

Kid Flash: Behave themselves? Flash-- like all adults, you forgot that you were a teen-ager once, too!

Linkara: Yes, like all (makes "finger quotes") "all adults", because making broad generalizations always works out so well. Just ask Tony Harris!

Announcer: This has been your (the following words appear...) Topical Joke of the Week.

Linkara (v/o): It seems that Kid Flash was invited to help out the Teen Club as well.

The Flash: But I'm afraid teen-agers don't understand adults' problems, either!

Linkara: Oh, definitely. As an adult, I face many different problems than I did as a teenager. For example, do I hate certain episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise? Or do I merely despise them? (shrugs)

Linkara (v/o): We then cut to the depths of the ocean, where an eel has actually brought another invitation for Aqualad, thanks to a note in a bottle. These teenagers are really surprisingly well-organized for this. How in the hell did they get an eel, of all things, to deliver a message to Aqualad?

Linkara: (putting his finger to his ear) What's that? You want me to start making jokes about how useless Aquaman is? (laughs uproariously, then takes a breath and speaks quickly and somewhat irritably) Aquaman is the King of Atlantis whose domain pretty much encompasses the entirety of the ocean. HE OWNS 70% OF THE PLANET. He is super-strong, super-fast, and he can summon Cthulu to eat your soul if he felt like it. The perception of Aquaman as "useless" is based on the Superfriends cartoon series, where Aquaman's superpower is that he owns a jet ski. (frowns) I don't make fun of Aquaman.

Linkara (v/o): Although, Aquaman does do a good job of making himself mockable here.

Aquaman: Young people shouldn't dispute with their elders!

Linkara: Just like you shouldn't ever dispute the elder Atlanteans, who originally barred your entry into their society because of racial intolerance built around the color of your hair. Right, Aquaman? (smiles)

Linkara (v/o): Aquaman also gives his permission to Aqualad to go, and the three quickly meet up at the Hatton Corners Teen Club, which now lays in ruins.

Narrator: Robin, Kid Flash, Aqualad... Three renowned heroes converging on a quiet town to help settle its problems-- unaware they are plunging into the most fantastic adventure of their youthful careers!

Linkara: Yes, more exciting than the one that happened twenty years later, when an antimatter alien tried to destroy all reality, Earth's history was rewritten, Kid Flash became The Flash, and Aqualad's girlfriend got killed by a giant monster made out of chemicals. (waving dismissively) No, no, no, no. A dispute between teenagers and adults? This is the most fantastic. (nods)

Linkara (v/o): The three heroes rush over to the town hall to find out what happened, and the mayor informs them that all the teenagers in the city are gone.

Mayor Corliss: All of them, Robin! Led by my own son, Eddie, they've gone on strike, just as they threatened!

Linkara (v/o): Seriously? This was their plan? They don't get a stupid-ass clubhouse, and so they decide to up and leave town? Yeah, that'll end well, dumbasses. The mayor shows them a note from the teens.

Note: All us cats decided to skip, until the adults to the music get hip!

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Star Trek)

Kirk: Spock, comment.

Spock: Very bad poetry, Captain.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): The mayor suspects that the teens wrecked the original clubhouse out of spite, that they'd do anything to have their way. Robin, however, has other suspicions.

Robin: Fellows, that note's a phony! No teen-ager would use the word "music" in a hip language message... They'd use "jive!"

(Cut to a clip of Batman: The Animated Series)

Alfred Pennyworth: And I thought Batman was the detective.

Linkara: I'm learning so much about teenagers today! Like how they all think exactly alike and use the exact same terminology and slang.

Linkara (v/o): Robin also says that the barn was wrecked by some kind of powerful wind, but they won't find any help from the adults.

Robin: Trouble is, these adults don't trust any teen-agers now--including us!

Linkara: Yeah, Robin does have a super power, it seems. It's called "jumping to conclusions".

Linkara (v/o): I mean, he never points these details out to the adults, nor do we see any evidence that the adults distrust the three of them. Robin has the other two scout the surrounding area, while he searches the town for clues. While Kid Flash runs in and out of the cabin from Evil Dead, Aqualad chats it up with some fish.

Aqualad: I've checked with every fish in these waters... not a clue to those missing kids!

Linkara: Not a lead among them, huh? Better round up the usual sunfish.

Linkara (v/o): Back in the town proper, a massive twister appears, much to the shock and confusion of its citizens. The mayor says they've never had tornadoes in the area, and no one has any storm cellars. Robin hits on the idea of everyone getting into the vault in a bank.

Mayor Corliss: We're all inside...

Linkara: (as Mayor Corliss) It's a good thing that we built our bank vault so it was capable of holding hundreds, if not THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE!!

Linkara: Robin says he'll take his chances outside, but as soon as he closes the vault... Bet there's a lot of air in there, too... the tornado rips open the bank. He hangs onto the vault door, but Mr. Twister makes his appearance and commands his winds to blow Robin away. However, Kid Flash manages to spot him.

Kid Flash: (running to catch Robin) Got to... shift... into high gear!

Linkara: Damn it, Kid Flash! That's not the morphing phrase! It's "Shift into turbo"! What kind of a Power Ranger are you?

Linkara (v/o): But yeah, Kid Flash catches him while... flying, I guess, based on this art. They spot Mr. Twister and deduce that he's behind the tornado, Kid Flash turning himself into a mini-tornado to try to get up to him. However, Mr. Twister uses his staff to blast him with pink lightning bolts. Pink lightning bolts? Now we know this is serious.

Kid Flash: I... I'm okay, Robin! My body, vibrating internally at super-speed saved me from that bolt's effect!

Linkara (v/o): Yeah, that sure is how that works. The townspeople come out of the bank vault, the mayor spotting Mr. Twister and identifying him.

Mayor Corliss: It's Brom Stikk!

Linkara (v/o): (disbelieving) "Brom Stikk". Well, it's good to see that old comic books adage again: if your name sounds like anything, you will be a supervillain.

Linkara: Works for me, too. My last name, Lovhaug? I've already got a supervillain identity as the dread Cute Pig. I don't actually do anything with it, I just think it sounds cool.

Linkara (v/o): Mr. Twister says that unless his demands are met, they'll never see the teenagers again, also threatening the heroes not to interfere due to the demonstration of his tornado-creating powers. We move on to chapter two, because of course, single-issue comic books need chapters. We have three panels showing adults being sad that there aren't any teenagers around. Mind you, not because they're the parents of the kids, but because they feel kind of bad that they're not around. What a bunch of DICKS!

Kid Flash: Those adults really appreciate their teen-agers now... when it's too late!

Linkara: You know, has anyone actually mentioned what it was that was causing all the problems with the teens to begin with? Maybe they were smearing pigs' blood on City Hall or something.

Linkara (v/o): Robin asks the mayor about who this guy is and what "debt" he was talking about.

Mayor Corliss: You see, when old Jacob Stikk gave the land to build Hatton Corners, in colonial days, he asked for a very peculiar rent...

Linkara: (as Mayor Corliss) Hostess Fruit Pies. Unfortunately, they hadn't been invented yet. (looks up wistfully) And they never would be around again...

Announcer: This has been another (the following words appear...) Topical Joke of the Week.

Jacob Stikk: From now until the end of time, the town will pay me and my descendants one passenger pigeon feather yearly--or forfeit one of your stalwart youths to labor in my services for that year! Agreed?

Colonist: Ha, ha! Old Jacob has a sense of humor! Passenger pigeons swarm by the millions... No chance we will ever lack such a "rental"! Agreed!

Linkara: Yeah, it only took the townspeople about three months to eat all the pigeons. Turns out they were surprisingly delicious.

Linkara (v/o): Well, what actually happened was that the original guy died, and thus the rent along with him, but then Mr. Twister showed up and demanded the back rent, which shouldn't really apply, since no one has claimed it in all that time, so the contract was probably null and void by this point, but I'm not a lawyer. They laughed him off and tossed him out, but now the teenagers have been taken, and there's no way to pay the rent since passenger pigeons went extinct in 1913. The three say they'll rescue the teenagers, and Robin brings the other two to the airport to look at radar reports.

Linkara: (as Robin, with hands on hips) Hello, airport officials! We are three teenagers in bright, gaudy, colorful costumes, and we want to see your radar records! That's not weird, is it?

Linkara (v/o): Robin once again uses his superpower of just... guessing this stuff, since how the hell would he think to check radar for this? But anyway, they picked up some unidentified blips the night the teenagers disappeared, going towards "Goat Island".

Linkara: Guess what animal that island is known for! (beat) Dung beetles.

Linkara (v/o): They travel via manta ray to Goat Island and find the teenagers working as forced labor for Mr. Twister, who's having them build a giant tornado statue in his honor. My favorite part is this woman down here with the clipboard. Apparently, even though they're slave labor, Mr. Twister decided that they needed project supervisors and managers, because nefarious villain quite like bureaucracy. A boy attempts to fight Mr. Twister by lassoing him with a rope, but he just sends the rope back.

Girl [Marcia]: Oh, Eddie, if only we were all safe back in Hatton Corners! I miss Dad and Mom so...

Eddie: Yeah, Marcia... I guess our town and its adults are the greatest, after all!

Linkara: (exaggeratedly) WHAT?! You mean the hormonal problems of being a teenager and clashing with adults is preferable to forced labor?! Who'da thunk it?

Mr. Twister: I am leaving the island for a time...

Linkara: (as Mr. Twister) I need some alone time with my staff.

Linkara (v/o): He orders them to finish the thing by the time he gets back, but naturally, they think it's impossible. While Robin goes to follow Mr. Twister, Kid Flash and Aqualad meet up with the teens. They don't know how to overcome Mr. Twister's powers yet... I'm gonna assume that super-speed punching him is not gonna work, given what happened earlier... so in the meantime, Kid Flash will finish up the tower for them.

Boy: The tower... It's tickling the sky...

Linkara: (listlessly) Kid, you're not allowed to talk anymore.

Linkara (v/o): Meanwhile, Mr. Twister arrives at a cave, where he bathes his staff in a cauldron.

Mr. Twister: (thinking) A bath in these hot potions will renew the staff's powers! How fortunate I stumbled into this long lost Indian medicine cave, for shelter, when they drove me from Hatton Corners!

Linkara: So... what the hell was your plan before you found the made-up Native American bullcrap? You just expected them to give you feathers from an extinct bird or hand over their children? I'm just saying, you don't seem to plan too far ahead, Mr. Twister.

Linkara (v/o): Mr. Twister spots Robin's shadow, forcing him to come out and attack. After using some sneezing powder from his utility belt, Robin tries to uppercut the guy. Unfortunately, the staff protects him from harm – except from dust and powder, apparently – so Robin is instead repelled into a cave wall and knocked out. Instead of, you know, killing him, Mr. Twister pins a note to Robin's back and drops him off back in the home, demanding his payment or he'll continue to wreck the place. Back on the island, Aqualad jumps into the water to rehydrate, but then notices that the island is only tenuously connected to the water's floor. As such, he summons up a bunch of WHALES that literally lift the island on their backs and get it away from Mr. Twister! THIS... IS FRIGGIN' AWESOME! The only way this could be more insanely cool...

(Cut to a shot of a panel from "Neutro #1", showing Neutro riding a whale)

Linkara (v/o): if Neutro showed up, riding on the back of one of those whales!

(Cut back to the "Brave and Bold" comic)

Linkara (v/o): We begin chapter three with the teens praising Aqualad, including two ladies who want to... swim with the fishes, if you know what I mean. With the island running into the coastline of the mainland, Kid Flash runs off to tell the townspeople what happened. Unfortunately, Mr. Twister has returned and is naturally pissed off. He releases a massive cloud of dust to bury the town, but Kid Flash uses his super-speed to create a vacuum to siphon all the dust into a nearby swamp. Even more fortunately, the sign states that they want the swamp filled in.

Kid Flash: The town wanted this swampy area filled-- so I'll just put on the brakes... and it's filled!

Linkara: (as Kid Flash, laughs) I just created ecological upheaval! (gives a double thumbs-up) Good times!

Linkara (v/o): However, while the cloud of dust is gone, Mr. Twister then sends out a green cloud, which unleashes, well, a flood on them. A green flood that turns blue when it hits the ground. Weird. While the townspeople head to the rooftops, Aqualad sees the town flooding and comes RIDING ON A NARWHAL!

Kid Flash: Look! Aqualad is riding into town on a narwhal! What's he trying to do?

Linkara: (as Aqualad, waving his hand) Ha! The town is mine now, suckers!

Linkara (v/o): No, instead, he has the narwhal bore a hole into the ground... Don't know if narwhals can do that... and the water drains down into the regular underground channels. Yyyeah, just a hunch, but I doubt the sewer systems are equipped to handle a flood, so I doubt this is really helping all that much. Mr. Twister's final attack is a cloud of fire that rains down fireballs on the city. Kid Flash tries to use his speed to whip out the flames, though I imagine that would just cause a backdraft and make things worse, but whatever. However, Mr. Twister zaps him with some lightning; same to Aqualad. Robin pulls the other two into the nearby fire department where he comes up with his ingenious plan! Or rather, his really simple plan that should not have worked, given what we've seen so far: he rolls the fire truck out, climbs up the ladder, and uses a Bat-Rope to steal the staff away from Mr. Twister, while also evading Mr. Twister's lightning bolts. I would remind you that the same lightning bolts took out the guy with super-speed. Aqualad and Kid Flash recover from the lightning and compliment Robin, apologizing for the contrived dialogue concerning his lack of superpowers that I never really bothered to show you guys because it wasn't even really a thing that mattered.

Aqualad: I take back everything I said, Robin! You showed us that brains and bravery are as important as super-powers any day!

Linkara: Yes, Robin's brains were really on display! Especially in how all he did was basically just throw a rope at Mr. Twister, even though they had seen earlier that that doesn't work.

Linkara (v/o): And so, our story ends with Mr. Twister being led away... and his clothes have changed to brown instead of green. Whatever. ...and we see the adults and the teens have reconciled.

Mayor Corliss: So I say, we're all going to build the biggest, greatest, coolest teen-age clubhouse that ever was!

Linkara: (as Mayor Corliss) And we'll raise property taxes through the roof so we can afford it! (gives a double thumbs-up while smiling)

Linkara (v/o): Also, now we've got a kid holding an "ADULTS, WE LOVE 'EM" sign.

Linkara: (holding up a "BRING BACK DANNY CHASE" sign; frustrated) WHO IS MAKING THESE SIGNS?! (notices he's holding the sign and tosses it aside)

Narrator: Once again, a startling new team of DC heroes has triumphed!

Linkara: A new team indeed. This origin story was fairly decent as the first time the teen heroes united.

Linkara (v/o): While the villain was goofy-looking and his ending very forced, he was still a pretty damn big threat, and the sidekicks were shown as competent and able to hold their own without their mentors. Hell, the idea of calling in the adult heroes wasn't even mentioned in the story. The weaker bits are, of course, the adults vs. teens angle. The story keeps saying that adults and teens need to understand each other more, but doesn't actually go into what their issues with one another are, aside from "teens want the town to build them a clubhouse; adults overreact". What's the larger issue here, exactly?

Linkara: Next week, we conclude Secret Origins Month 3 with the strongest one there is...

(Cut to a clip of the title sequence of the original Incredible Hulk TV show)

Narrator: And now, when David Banner grows angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs...

(End credits roll)

I actually wasn't too far off with the "they were delicious" joke about the Passenger Pigeons. Apparently they were considered a cheap food source for slaves and the poor in the 19th century.

Yes, I know "Swim with the fishes" means for them to drown. Stop ruining the innuendo about sleeping with a freaky fish guy.

(Stinger: The final panel showing the adults and teens reconciling is shown again)

Linakra (v/o): I guess Mr. Twister did some good after all. I mean, sure, the kids will have to go through years of therapy after this, but yay! The vague, poorly-defined problem between adults and kids has been temporarily resolved!

