Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Dear Washington Post,

When you title an article "Space shuttle; fugitive ruse; girl dead; school staff deal; Viagra for dog," I expect the items to be somewhat related. That would've been an interesting read; it was really just five lame articles.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Someone Stop This Oil Spill... and Stop Robots

"Officials say they successfully inserted a new pipe into the broken pipe spewing water into the Gulf. That new pipe started sending oil to a ship on the surface, but, just moments later, two remotely-operated robots crashed into each other and knocked the pipes partially apart. The robots were taking photos of the operation."

Damn robots taking pictures like they always do.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Fame-Hungry Food Vendors

Stuff like this makes me ashamed to be a human. Can't these assholes just be grateful someone, even if it wasn't them, notified the authorities and therefore, potentially saved their lives?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Return to Kid Nation

My previous entry was my 100th post, so in order to celebrate, I'm going to watch the eighth episode of Kid Nation. If you need a refresher, you can read my older posts:

Also it's a good episode to come back with 'cause you can watch too:


Part One
Previously on Kid Nation: Jared fucked some shit up. They found a treasure. Nathan washed mad clothes. Can homeschool kids go to college? What is a recommendation letter worth if it's from your mom? DK is bored. He's ringing the town bell. "We just fed up right now, okay?" I wish I could say I'm super-excited about this, but I am honestly paying more attention to the omelet I made for dinner. Talk about starving for entertainment. It has been decided. A talent show will be held. The black kids love the idea! Because black people have all the talent. You have to sign up in crayon. Anjay doesn't know what stand-up comedy is. I totally just remembered his name without seeing his lower-third. Oh, shit, they might give the gold star to the talent show winner. This is like the Oscars of Bonanza City. Kennedy is a girl who looks like a boy who thinks she's funny but is not. Jared will be performing Shakespeare, but he's never done Shakespeare before. Olivia will be doing stand-up, but will not do jokes on demand. I respect that. A Kentucky dinner will be had tonight. It looks exactly the same as the shit they always eat.

Part Two
Oh, Olivia has a lisp. Maybe she'll incorporate that into her act. Natasha is a debutante and so is Migle. Migle? Who names their kid Migle? Greg and Blaine are gonna throw the showdown so the girls have to clean toilets unless they start working. Alex is attempting to console Savannah, who is homesick. "You're a positive contribution to Bonanza City." "Thank you, Alex." Go home, little girl. There's a Pizza Hut like four miles away. The blue team are gonna throw it, and Anjay is pissed. Showdown time. Paint by letters. But they're not using paint. Instead? Bubble gum. You run to a gumball machine, chew it up, and then hand your ABC gum to your council leader to stick on the canvas. Gross. They are really trying everything they can to give these kids mouth herpes. Oooh, they are those fun gumball machines that spiral the balls downward. Greg admits he'd never throw a showdown, but "there's nothing wrong with a little threat." Anjay's chewing someone else's gum. Sick. Laurel pushes her head together to chew. Her orthodontist is going to kill her for chewing gum with braces. Campbell dances as his crusty cold sores peel off his bloody lips and into the gum.

Part Three
The gum keeps falling off the picture. Green wins! They have finally won upper class. Blue comes in second despite the threat. It figures the snobby girls would be able to help out in a fucking gum-chewing contest. Ten seconds left! No reward. What would they have won? Paint. Who the fuck cares? Or option two: Disco in a box! A motherfucking block party!!! Zach is still convinced this was a real town that failed in the 1880s. Idiot. Savannah hates Bonanza. If she goes home, she'll upset her parents. This is sad. Hopefully this talent show makes things a little happier. That little bitch whose name I don't remember has to wash the clothes. Olivia has never had any stage time. Bad idea. I wasn't very good right out the gate. Markelle is the MC. Hopefully she says "bullshit." The Asian girl plays piano. How cliche. Jared time! A monologue from Henry V. Why did he pick one of the histories? That was pretty awful. All he did was memorize it. No actual acting. Unless you count actin' a foo'. Greg and Blaine are wearing dresses. Faggots.

Part Four
Some black girl I've never seen before sits on a chair and sings. They don't even say her name, so she won't win. Comedy hour with Olivia. All of her material consists of roasting the fellow citizens. Kennedy, or Trannedy, if you will, wears a bird mask and does the washing machine dance. Savannah has an announcement to make. Everyone is positively cumming with anticipation. She's gonna stay!!! Bad choice. "It made me feel better that everyone wanted me to stay." She's just an approval hog. Kentucky love between Savannah and Kennedy. They didn't pick a winner at the talent show? That potato-cooking twat Divad nominates herself again. Looks like it's gonna be between the two comediennes, Kennedy and Olivia. Olivia "definitely brought the fun." Nobody has anything bad to say about Kennedy aside from her confusing lack of genitalia. Apparently Laurel can sing, but she didn't at the talent show. Let's see what happens. As Laurel belts out "Amazing Grace," the black girl who couldn't sing hangs her head in shame. DK gets a boner. He has found his true love. "I love you, DK!" she yells. Aw, shit. Nobody has volunteered to go home. Who will get the $20,000 gold star? "The gold star pioneer is..."

Part Five
Trannedy! "I think my differentness really separates me from the crowd." Holy shit. Differentness is a word? Her mom is wearing a goofy pink outfit that an 8-year-old would wear. Divad's bitching again. Surprise, surprise.