Friday, April 27, 2018

Top 5 Beloved Games That I Don't Like

I think we all have a few of those games that our friends love, but for whatever reason, never resonated with you. Myself, I'm a slave to anything Hideo Kojima does, and Death Stranding is already my game of the year in whatever year that games comes out, but I understand why a lot of people don't appreciate the insanity that is Metal Gear.

We all have our personal preferences, but if we disagree with someone else's opinion about our favorite games, we let them know it, and vice versa. So, here are a list of five games that are beloved by both critics and gamers that I completely despise. I know many will disagree, but hey, it's my opinion, and if you like some of the games on this list, I'm glad you like them.

But first, some honorable mentions.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

I know. I'm an idiot, right? The reason the "greatest game of all-time" shows up on a list like this is because I haven't finished it, but I didn't like what I've played of it. I didn't play it as a kid, and didn't try it out until the 3DS remake. It's hard to go back and play the N64 these days. I know its popularity is on the rise right now because the people who grew up with it now have jobs and money, but I think the N64 is Nintendo's worst home console. While I enjoy the 2D Zelda games quite a bit, I haven't much cared for the 3D iterations outside of loving Breath of the Wild and liking The Wind Waker.

Ocarina of Time is in the honorable mentions because I'm sure that if I played it all the way through, I still wouldn't like it.

Super Smash Bros.

The Super Smash Bros. series is an amazing party game franchise. When I have a few friends with me and we're going after each other with our favorite Nintendo characters, it's a whole lot of fun. But when I try to play Smash as a single-player game, it's one of the most average games I can find.

Now, get ready to disagree more vehemently than you already have.

5. Flower

There have been so many beloved indie games that I've completely hated: Gone Home, Proteus, and pretty much any other game that has a "message." Many times, that message is "this game is terrible." The reason I chose Flower over other indie games is because Flower actually angered me, and to this day is the worst $15 I've ever spent on a "video game," if you can even call it that.

It has an environmental message, but the developers, ThatGameCompany, were so invested in their message that they forgot to make a fun video game. You know what else has an environmental message? Ori and the Blind Forest. You know what game is awesome? Ori and the Blind Forest. It's a beautiful, challenging, and at times, heart-wrenching metroidvania. In Flower, you're a flower petal caught in the wind. How very beautiful stupid.

4. Ico

Oh, hey, it's the escort mission game. We love escort missions, right? Plus, it's made by the guy that made Shadow of the Colossus, so we have to like it. Nope, that's not how that works.

Fumito Ueda is heralded as a legendary game director despite the fact that The Last Guardian is mediocre at best and Ico is hot garbage. It definitely helps that Shadow of the Colossus is one of the best games ever made, but that makes him a one-hit wonder, not a legend.

Ico features an AI girl who doesn't listen to what you say, do what you ask her to do, or even possess basic survival skills. What is that black, shadowy figure that looks like it wants to attack me? I better stand right here and see what it wants. Team ICO doesn't know how to develop a competent combat system, either. Combat was clunky in Ico, pared down in SotC, and completely done away with in The Last Guardian.

In our politically correct era, I'm surprised people still praise this game the way they do, despite having one of the most helpless damsels in distress in video game history. I thought we weren't allowed to portray women that way anymore? They should probably remake Ico and change the Yorda character completely, and while they're at it, they should try to make it a good game this time.

Ico does not deserve its cult classic status.

3. Grand Theft Auto IV

Grand Theft Auto IV won a bunch of game of the year awards in 2008. I certainly respect its scope and ambition, and I liked it enough to finish the story, but I think GTA IV is the worst game in the series since it reached mega stardom with GTA III back in 2001.

The combat was improved over previous games but still proved to be inadequate in large skirmishes. Having a cell phone that could be used to communicate with other characters was cool at first, but when you have to maintain constant contact with your peers and drop what you're doing to go bowling every thirty minutes, it becomes quite the nuisance.

Outside of a few good characters, I didn't find a whole lot worth writing home about in GTA IV. Liberty City is a very dull and drab backdrop, and traversing the city in some of the worst driving controls ever only makes it less fun to look at and explore. There's no reason to play this Grand Theft Auto game when there are so many better ones to choose from. I suggest Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars.

2. Star Fox 64

If you ask me, I'll tell you that there's no such thing as a good Star Fox game. Ask everyone else in the world, and they'll tell you there's one: Star Fox 64. This one just simply comes down to personal tastes. The Star Fox games are very competently made, I just don't care much for the flight combat/sim genre.

Don't get me wrong, I still don't understand how anyone likes Star Fox 64, but at least it controls well and allows you several paths to choose from when making your trek across the galaxy. It has the quality game design that you come to expect from Nintendo, but for me, provides nothing more than a wasted 45 minutes.

1. Red Dead Redemption

I don't care. Red Dead Redemption is not a good game. I don't care how much you love it. I don't love it. I don't even like it. I played it for about 8 hours, and if you tell me I need to play more before it gets good, then that's a poorly paced game. Many games start slow, but something usually happens within the span of a normal full-time job work day.

All I did in those 8 hours was hang out with some broad, ride a horse, look at dirt, clumsily shoot a gun, watch a ten second animal-skinning animation, look at different dirt, and wait for the game to grab me. I waited for a long time, and it never happened.

I like the idea of Red Dead Redemption. By now, I've had the story spoiled for me, so I'm familiar with a lot of the major plot points. I love the John Marston character and how he's a man with a shady past who just wants to get back to his family. I love that he's a pure character and is faithful to his wife. I love the final standoff and the payback that comes from Marston's son. But I'll never make it to that point myself because the game plays so poorly.

I consider RDR to be on the same level as GTA IV, and hopefully, since I loved GTA V because of how much it improved over its predecessor, I'll enjoy Red Dead Redemption 2 the same way. I definitely look forward to finding out.

So, there you go. Please be sure to tell me how wrong I am in the comments. XOXO.


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