Blurt, Master Constable<date type="creation_date">1601</date> anon. This text is one of some 500 EEBO-TCP transcriptions of Early Modern plays that have undergone several routines to create an interoperable and algorithmically amenable corpus of Early Modern Drama. Many incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words, as well as obvious printers' errors have been corrected, but the text has not been proofread word by word. See the editorial declaration further down in the header for more details about this edition. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Madeline Burg Martin Mueller
Department of English Northwestern University Evanston IL 60208
Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License 2015 SHC-160-A07492.xml
Blurt master-constable. Or The Spaniards night-walke. As it hath bin sundry times priuately acted by the Children of Paules. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. 32 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 September (TCP phase 1) 99857000 STC (2nd ed.) 17876. Greg, I, 188. 22658 A07492


Blurt master-constable. Or The Spaniards night-walke. As it hath bin sundry times priuately acted by the Children of Paules. Blurt master-constable Spaniards night-walke. Blurt master constable. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. Middleton, Thomas, d. 1627, [62] p. Printed [by Edward Allde] for Henry Rockytt, and are to be solde at the long shop vnder S. Mildreds Church in the Poultry, London : 1602.

Variously attributed to Thomas Dekker and to Thomas Middleton.

Partly in verse.

Printer's name from STC.

Signatures: A-H4 (-H4).

Running title reads: Blurt master constable.


The goal of this project is













BLVRT Master-Constable . OR The Spaniards Night-walke . As it hath bin sundry times priuately acted by the Children of Paules .

Patresque seueri . Fronde comas vincti coenant , et carmina dictant .

LONDON , Printed for Henry Rockytt , and are to be solde at the long shop vnder S. Mildreds Church in the Poultry . 1602 .

Blurt Master Constable . Enter Camillo with Violetta , Hipolito , Baptista , Bentiuolio , & Virgilio , as returning from warre , euery one with a Gloue in his hat , Ladies with them , Doyt and Dandiprat . Hipol

I Mary Sir , the onely rising vp in Armes , is in the armes of a woman : peace ( I say still ) is your onely Paradice , when euerie Adam may haue his Christmas Eue : and you take mee lying any more by the colde sides of a brazen-face field-peice vnlesse I haue such a Downe pillow vnder me , Ile giue you leaue to knocke vp both my golles in my Fathers hall , and hang hats vpon these ten-penny nailes .


And yet brother , when with the sharpest hookes of my wit I labour'd to pull you from the warres , you broke loose , like a horse that knew his owne strength , and vow'd , nothing but a man of warre should backe you .

Hip. I haue been backt since and almost vnbackt too . Viol.

And swore that honour was neuer dyed in graine , till it was dipt in the cullors of the field .


I am a new man Sister , and now cry a pox a that honor , that must haue none but Barber-Surgions to waite vpon't , and a band of poore stragling rascals , that euery twinckling of an eye , forfeit their legs and armes into the Lords hands Wenches by Mars his sweatty Buffe Ierkin , ( for now all my 〈◊〉 must smell a the Soldado ) I haue seene more mens head 〈◊〉 vp and downe like foote-balles at a breake-fast , after the hungry Cannons had pickt them ; than are Maiden-heads in Venice : and more legs of men seru'd in at a dinner , then euer I shall see legs of Capons in one platter whilst I liue .

1 Lady . Perhaps all those were Capons legs you did see . Virg. Nay mistris Ile witnes against you for some of them . Uiol.

I doe not thinke for all this , that my brother stood to it so lustilie as he makes his brags for .

3 Lady . No , no , these great talkers are neuer great doers . Uiol. Faith brother how many did you kill for your share ? Hip.

Not so many as thou hast done with that villanous eye by a thousand .

Viol. I thought so much that's iust none . Cam.

Tis not a Souldiers glory to tell howe many liues hee has ended , but how many he has saued : in both which honours the noble Hipolito had most excellent possession . Belieue it my faire Mistris , tho many men in a battle haue done more , your brother in this equal'd him who did most : he went from you a worthy Gentleman , he brings with him that tytle that makes a Gentleman most worthy ; the name of a Souldier , which how wel and how soone he hath earn'd , would in me seeme glorious to rehearse , in you to heare : but because his owne eare dwels so neere my voice , I will play the ill neighbour , and cease to speake well of him .


An argument that eyther you dare not , or loue not to flatter .


No more then I dare or loue to doe wrong ; yet to make a Cronicle of my friends nobly-acted deeds , would stand as far from flattery in me , as cowardize did from him .


S'foote if all the wit in this company haue nothing to set it selfe about , but to run Deuision vpon me , why then Eene burne off mine eares indeed , but my little Mer-maides , Signior Camillo does this , that I now might describe the Niniuiticall motion of the whole battle , and so tell what hee has done : and come , shall I begin ?

1 Lady . O for beauties loue , a good motion . Hip.

But I can tell you one thing , I shall make your hayre stand vp an end at some things .


Prethee good brother Soldier keepe the peace , our haire stand an end ? pittie a my hart , the next end would be of our wits : we hang out a white flag most terrible Tamberlaine , and begge mercy ; come , come , let vs neither haue your Niniuiticall motions nor your swaggering battailes : why my Lord Camillo , you inuited mee hether to a banquet , not to the Ballad of a pitcht field .


And heere it stands bright Mistris , sweetly attending what doome your lips willay vpon it .

Viol. I marie Sir , let our teeth describe this Motion . 2 Lady .

We shall neuer describe it well , for fumbling i'th mouth .


Yes , yes , I haue a tricke to make vs vnderstand one another and we fumble neuer so


Meddle not with his trickes sweet heart ; vnder pardon my Lord , tho I am your guest , Ile bestow my selfe , sit deere beauties : for the men , let them take vp places themselues ; I prethee brother fighter sit , & talke of any subiect , but this langling law at Armes .

Hip. The law at logs then . Vio.

Wil you be so lustie ? no nor legs neither , we'll haue them tyed vp too , since you are among Ladies : gallants , handle those things onlie that are fit for Ladies .


Agree'd so that we go not out of the compasse of those things that are fit for Lords .

Viol. Be't so , what's the Theame then ? 1 Lady . Beautie , that fits vs best . Cam.

And of Beautie what tongue would not speake the best ? since it is the Iewell that hangs vpon the brow of heauen , the best cullor that can be laide vpon the cheeke of earth : beauty makes men Gods immortall , by making mortall men to liue euer in loue . ( for loue .

2 Lady . Euer ? not so , I haue heard that some men haue dyed Viol.

So haue I , but I could neuer see't : Ide ride forty miles to follow such a fellow to Church , and would make more of a sprig of Rosemary at his buriall , than of a gilded Bride-branch at mine owne wedding .

Camil. Take you such delight in men that dye for loue ? Uiol.

Not in the men nor in the death , but in the deed ; troth I thinke he is not a sound man that wil dye for a woman , and yet I would neuer loue a man soundlie , that would not knocke at deathes doore for my loue .


Ide knocke as long as I thought good , but haue my braines knockt out when I entred , if I were he .


What Uenetian Gentleman was there ; that hauing this in his Burgonet , did not ( to proue his head worthy of the honor ) doe more than defye death to the verie face ? trust vs Ladies , our Signiory standes bound in greater summes of thankes to your beauties for victorie , than to our vallour : my deare Uioletta one kisse to this picture of your whitest hand , when I was euen faint , ( with giuing and receiuing the doale of warre )

Set a new edge on my sword : in so much that , I singled out a gallant Spirit of France , And charg'd him with my Launce in full careere , And after rich exchange of noble courage , ( The space of a good houre on eyther side ) At last crying , now for Uiolettaes honour , I vanquisht him , and him ( dismounted ) tooke Not to my selfe , but prisoner to my loue .

I haue heard much praise of that French gallant , good my Lord , bring him acquainted with our eyes .

Cam. I will , goe boy fetch noble Fontinell . Exit Boy . Hip.

Will your French prisoner drinke well ? or else cut his throate .

Cam. Oh no he cannot brooke it . Hip.

The pox he can , s'light me thinks a French man shold haue a good courage to wine , for many of them be exceeding hot fiery whoresons , and resolute as Hector , and as valliant as Troilus ; then come off and on brauely and lye by it , and sweate fort too , vpon a good and a millitary aduantage .

Enter Fontinell .
Cam. Prethee haue done heere comes the prisoner . Viol. My Lord Camillo , is this the Gentleman , Whose vallour , by your vallour is subdu'd ? Cam. It is faire Lady , and I yeild him vp , To be your beauties worthy prisoner : Lord Fontinell , thinke your captiuity Happie in this , she that hath conquered me , Receiues my conquest , as my loues faire fee . Viol. Faire stranger droope not , since the chance of wars Brings to the Soldier death , restraint , or scarres . Font. Lady , I know the fortune of the field , Is death with honour , or with shame to yeild , As I haue done . Uiol. In that no scandall lyes , Who dyes when he may liue , he doubly dyes . Font. My reputation's lost . Uiol. Nay thats not so , You flee not but were vanquisht by your foe , The eye of warre respects not you nor him , It is our fate will haue vs loose or win , You will disdaine if I you prisoner call ? Font. No , but reioyce , since I am beauties thrall . Hip. Enough of this , come wenches shake your heeles . Cam. Musicke aduance thee on thy golden wing , And daunce deuision from sweet string to string . Font. Camillo I shall curbe thy tyranie , In making me that Ladies prisoner : She has an Angels bodie , but within't , Her coy heart sayes there lyes a heart of flint , Musicke for a Measure . Such beautie be my Iaylor ? a heauenly hell ! The darkest dungeon , which spite can deuise , To throw this carkasse in , her glorious eyes Can make as lightsome , as the fairest chamber In Paris Louure : come captiuitie , And chaine me to her lookes ; how am I tost ? Being twice in minde , as twice in body lost . Whilst Fontinell speakes , they dance a straine , Violetta on a sodaine breakes off , the rest stand talking . Cam. Not the measure out faire Mistris ? Viol.

No , faire seruant , not the measure out , I haue on the sodaine a foolish desire to be out of the measure .

Cam. What breeds that desire ? Viol.

Nay I hope it is no breeding matter , tush , tush , by my maiden-head I will not , the musicke likes me not , and I haue a shooe wrings me to'th heart ; besides I haue a womans reason , I will not daunce , because I will not daunce : prethee deare Hero take my prisoner there into the measure ; fye I cannot abide to see a man sad nor idle , Ile bee out once , as the Musicke is ( in mine care )

Font. Lady , bid him whose heart no sorrow feeles , Tickle the rushes with his wanton heeles , I haue too much lead at mine . 1 Lady . Ile make it light . Font. How ? 1 Lady . By a nimble daunce . Font. You hit it right . 1 Lady . Your Keeper bids you daunce . Font. Then I obay , My heart I feele growes light , it melts away . They daunce , Violetta stands by marking Fontinell . Viol.

In troth a very pretty French man , the carriage of his bodie likes me well ; so does his footing so does his face , so does his eye aboue his face , so does himselfe , aboue all that can bee aboue himselfe .

Camillo thou hast plaide a foolish part , Thy prisoner makes a slaue of thy loues heart .

Shal Camillo then sing willow , willow , willow ? not for the world : no , no , my French prisoner ; I will vse thee Cupid knowes how , and teach thee to fall into the hands of a woman : if I doe not feede thee with faire lookes , nere let me liue : if thou getst out of my fingers til I haue thy verie heart , nere let me loue ; nothing but thy life shall serue my turne , and how otherwise Ile plague thee , Monsieur you and Ile deale , onely this , because Ile be sure he shall not start , Ile locke him in a little low roome besides himselfe , where his wanton eye shall see neither Sunne nor Moone : So , the daunce is done , and my heart has done her worst , made me in loue : farewel my Lord , I haue much hast , you haue many thankes , I am angred a little , but am greatly pleas'd : if you wonder that I take this strange leaue ; excuse it thus , that women are strange fooles , and will take any thing .

Exit .

Trickes : trickes ? kerry merry buffe ; how now lad , in a traunce ?

Cam. Strange farewell : after , deere Hippolito , O what a maze is loue of ioy and woe ! Exeunt . Font. Strange frenzie ; after wretched Fontinell , Oh what a heauen is loue ! oh what a hell ! Exit . Enter Lazarillo melancholy , and Pilcher his boy . Laz. Boy , I am melancholy because I burne . Pil. And I am melancholy because I am a colde . Laz. I pine away with the desire of flesh . Pil. It's neither flesh nor fish that I pine for , but for both . Laz.

Pilcher , Cupid hath got me a stomacke , and I long for lac'd mutton .

Pil. Plaine mutton without a lace would serue me . Laz.

For as your tame Monkey is your onely best , & most onely beast to your Spanish Lady : or , as your Tobacco is your onely smoker away of rewme , and all other rewmeticke diseases : or as your Irish lowse does bite most naturally foureteene weekes , after the change of your Saffron seamed shirte or , as the commodities which are sent out of the Low-countries ( and put in vessels called mother Cornelius dry-fats ) are most common in Fraunce : so it pleaseth the destinies , that I should thirst to drinke out of a most sweet Italian vessell , being a Spaniard .

Pil. What vessell is that Signiort La.

A Woman Pilcher , the moyst handed Madona Imperia , a most rare and diuine creature .

Pil. A most rascallie damn'd Curtizan . La.

Boy , hast thou forrag'd the Country for a new lodging ? for I haue sworne to laye my bones in this Chittie of Uenice .


Any man that sees vs will sweare that we shall both lay our bones , and nothing but bones , and we stalke heere longer ; they tell me Signior , I must goe to the Constable , and he is to see you lodg'd .

La. Inquier for that busie-member of the Chitty . Enter Doyt and Dandyprat passing ouer . Pilc.

I will , and heere come a leash of Informers : saue you plumpe youths .

Dan. And thee my leane stripling . Pilc. Which is the Constables house ? Doit. That at the signe of the browne Bill . Pilch. Farewell . Dan.

Why , and farewell ; the roague's made of pye-crust he's so short .

Pilch. The Officious Gentleman inherits heere . He knockes La. Knock , or enter , & let thy voice pul him out by the eares . Doit.

Slid Dandiprat , this is the Spanish curtall that in the last battaile , fled twenty miles ere he lookt behinde him .


Doyt , he did the wiser : but sirra , this blocke shall bee a rare threshold for vs to whet our wits vpon ; come , lets about our busines , and if heere we finde him at our returne , he shall find vs this month in knauery .

Exeunt .
Pil. What ho , no body speakes , where dwels the Constable ? Enter Blurt and Slubber the Beadle . Blu.

Heere dwels the Constable ; call assistance , giue them my full charge , raize ( if you see cause ) now sir , what are you sir ?

Pilc. Follower to that Spanish-leather Gentleman . Blur.

And what are you sir , that cry out vpon me ? looke to his tooles . What are are you sir ? speake , what are you ? I charge you what are you ?


Most cleare Mirrour of Magistrates , I am a seruitor to God Mars .


For your seruing of God I am not to meddle , why doe you raize me ?


I desire to haue a wide roome in your fauour : sweete bloud , cast away your name vpon me ; for I neither know you by your face , nor by your voice


It may be so Sir ; I haue two voices in any company : one , as I am Master Constable : another , as I am Blurt : and the third , as I am Blurt Master Constable .


I vnderstand , you are a mightie piller or poast in the Chittie .


I am a poore poast , but not to stand at euerie mans doore , without my bench of Bill-men : I am ( for a better ) the Dukes owne Image and charge you in his name to obay me .

La. I doe so . Blu.

I am to stand Sir in any baudie house , or sincke of wickednes : I am the Dukes owne grace , and in any fray or resurrection , am to besturre my stumps as well as he ; I charge you know

Slub. Turne the Armes to him . ( this staffe . Blu. Vpon this may I leane & no man say black's mine eye La.

Who so euer saies you haue a blacke eye , is a Camooche . most great Blurt ; I doe vnpent-house the roofe of my carkas & touch the knee of thy Office in Spanish complement , I desire to soiourne in your Chitty .


Sir , sir , for fault of a better , I am to charge you , not to keepe a Soldiering in our Cittie without a Precept : besides , by my office I am to search & examine you : haue you the Dukes hand to passe ? ( fingers .

La. Signior no , I haue the Generals hand at large , and all his Blu.

Except it be for the general good of the Cōmonwealth , the Generall cannot leade you vp and downe our Cittie .


I haue the Generals hand to passe through the world at my pleasure .

Blurt .

At your pleasure ? thats rare ; then rowlie, powlie , our wiues shall lye at your commaund : your Generall has no such authoritie in my Presincte , and therefore I charge you passe no further .


I tell thee , I will passe through the world , thou little morsell of Iustice , and eate twenty such as thou art .


Sir , sir , you shall finde Uenice out of the world : Ile tickle you for that .


I will passe through the world , as Alexander Magnus did , to Conquer .


As Alexander of Saint Magnus did ? that's another matter , you might haue informed this at the first , & you neuer needed to haue come to your answere : let me see your Passe , if it bee not the Dukes hand , Ile tickle you for all this : quicklie I pray this staffe is to walke in other places .

Laz. There it is . Blu. Slubber , read it ouer . Laz. Read it your selfe , what Besonian is that ? Blu.

This is my Clarke sir , he has been Clarke to a good many bondes and Billes of mine , I keepe him onelie to read , for I cannot , my Office will not let me .

Pil. Why doe you put on your Spectacles then ? Blu.

To see that hee read right : how now Slubber , ist the Dukes hand ? Ile tickle him else .

Slu. Mastis not like his hand . Blurt .

Looke well , the Duke has a wart on the backe of his hand .


Heere's none on my word Master Constable , but a little blot .


Blot ? lets see lets see ; ho that stands for the wart , doe you see the tricke of that ? Stay stay , is there not a little pricke in the hand for the Dukes hand had a pricke in't when I was with him , with opening Oysters .

Slu. Yes mas her's one , besides tis a goodly great long hand . Blu.

So has the Duke a goodly huge hand , I haue shooke him by it , ( God forgiue me ) ten thousand times : hee must passe like Alexander of Saint Magnus ; Well Sir , ( tis your duety to stand bare ) the Duke has sent his fist to me , and I were a Iew if I should shrinke for it ; I obay , you must passe , but pray take heede with what dice you passe , I meane what company , for Sathan is most busie , where he findes one like himselfe . your name Sir ?


Lazarillo de Tormes in Castile , cozen Germaine to the Adolantado of Spaine .


Are you so Sir ? Gods blessing on your heart : your name againe Sir , if it be not too tedious for you ?


Lazarillo de Tormes in Castile , Cozen-germaine to the Spanish Adolantado .

Slub. I warrant he's a great man in his owne Country . Blu.

Has a good name , Slubber set it downe : write , Lazarus in torment at the Castle , and a cozning Germaine , at the signe of the Palantido diddle in Spaine : So Sir you are ingrost , you must giue my Officer a groate it's nothing to me Signior .

La. I will cancell when it comes to a summe . Blu.

Well Sir , well he shall giue you an Item for't , make a bill and hee'll teare it he saies .

La. Most admirable Blurt , I am a man of war and professe fighting . Blu. I charge you in the Dukes name keep the peace . La.

By your sweet fauour most deare Blurt , you charge too fast , I am a hanger on vpon Mars , and haue a few Crownes .

Pil. Two : his owne and mine . La.

And dezier you to point out a faire lodging for mee and my Traine .


Tis my Office Signior to take men vp a nightes , but if you wil , my Maides shall take you vp a mornings , since you professe fighting ; I will commit you Signior to mine owne house , but will you pitch and pay , or will your Worship run

La. I scorne to run from the face of Thamer Cham . Blu. Then Sir , you meane not to run ? La. Signior no . Blu.

Beare witnes Slubber , that his answer is Signior no : So now if he runnes vpon the score , I haue him straite vpon Signior no ; this is my house Signior , enter .

La. March excellent Blurt : attend Pilcher . Exeunt . Enter Doyt and Dandiprat . Pil. Vpon your trencher Signior , most hungerly . Doy. Now sirra where's thy Master ? Pil. The Constable has prest him . Doy. What , for a Soldier ? Pil.

I , for a Soldier ; but ere he'll goe , I thinke indeede , he & I together shall presse the Constable .


No matter , squeze him , and leaue no more liquor in him , than in a dry'd Neates tongue : Sirra thin-gut , what's thy name ?


My name ? you chops , why I am of the bloud of the Pilchers .


Nay s'foote , if one should kill thee , hee could not bee hang'd for't , for hee would shed no bloud , ther's none in thee : Pilcher ? th'art a most pittifull dryed one .


I wonder thy master does not slice thee , and swallow thee for an Anchoues .


He wants wine Boy to swallow me down , for he wants money to swallow downe wine : but farewell , I must dog my master .


As long as thou dog'st a Spaniard , thou'lt nere be fatter ; but stay , our hast is as great as thine , yet to endeere our selues into thy leane acquaintance cry Riuo Hogh , laugh and be fat , and for ioy that we are met wee'll meete and be merry , sing :

Pil. Ile make a shift to squeake . Doyt. And I . Dan. And I , for my profession is to shift as well as you , hem : Sing . Musicke . Doit. What meate eates the Spaniard ? Pil. Dry'd Pilchers and poore Iohn : Dan. Alas thou art almost mard . Pil. My cheekes are falne and gone . Doyt. Wouldst thou not leape at a peece of meate ? Pil. O how my teeth doe water , I could eate For the heauens ; my flesh is almost gone With eating of Pilcher and poore Iohn . Exeunt . Enter Fontenell from Tennis , and True-penny with him . Fon. Am I so happy then ? True. Nay sweet Monsieur . Fon. O , boy thou hast new wing'd my captiu'd soule , Now to my Fortune all the Fates may yeild , For I haue won where first I lost the field . Tru.

Why sir , did my Mistris pricke you with the Spanish needle of her loue , before I summond you ( from her ) to this parly ?

Font. Doubts thou that boy . True.

Of mine honestie I doubt extreamely , for I cannot see the little Gods tokens vpon you : there is as much difference betweene you and a Louer , as betweene a Cuckolde and a Vnicorne .

Font. Why boy ? True.

For you doe not weare a paire of ruffled , frowning , vngartred Stockinges , like a Gallant that hides his small timbred legs , with a quaile-pipe boote : your hose stands vpon too many points , and are not troubled with that falling sicknes , which followes pale , meager , miserable , melancholy Louers : your hands are not groping continuallie .

Font. Where my little obseruer ? Tru.

In your greasie pocket sir , like one that wants a Cloake for the raine , and yet is still weather-beaten : your hat nor head are not of the true hey-ho-blocke , for it should be broad brim'd , lymber , like the skinne of a white pudding when the meate is out : the Facing fattye : the Felt dustye , and not entred into any band , but your hat is of the nature of a loose , light , heauie-swelling wench , too straite laced : I tell you Monsieur , a Louer should be all loose from the sole of the foote rizing vpward ; and from the Bases , or confines of the Slop , falling downewards : if you were in my Mistresses Chamber , you should finde other-gates priuy signes of loue hanging out there .

Font. Haue your little eyes watcht so narrowlie ? Tru.

Oh sir , a Page must haue a Cats eye , a Spaniels legge , a whoores tongue ( a little tasting of the Cog ) a Catch-poles hand , what he gripes is his owne ; and a little little baudy .

Font. Faire Violetta I will weare thy loue , Like this French order , neere vnto my heart , Via for fate , Fortune , loe this is all , At griefes rebound Ile mount , although I fall . Enter Camillo and Hipolito from Tennis , Doyt and Dandeprat with their cloakes and Rapiers . Cam. Now by Saint Marke he's a most trecherous villaine , Dare the base French-mans eye gaze on my loue ? Hip.

Nay sweet roague , why wouldst thou make his face a vizard , to haue two loope-holes onely ? when he comes to a good face , may he not doe with his eyes what he will : s'foote if I were as he , Ide pull them out , and if I wist they would anger thee .

Camil. Thou ad'st heate to my rage , away , stand backe , Dishonoured slaue , more tretcherous then base , This is the instance of my scorn'd disgrace . Font. Thou ill aduiz'd Italian whence proceedes This sodaine fury ? Cam. Villaine from thee . Hip. Hercules stand betweene them . Font. Villaine by my bloud ; I am as free borne as your Uenice Duke . Villaine , Saint Dennis and my life to boote , Thy lips shall kisse this pauement or my foote . Hip.

Your foote with a pox ? I hope y'are no Pope Sir , his lips shall kisse my Sisters soft lippe : and thine , the tough lips of this : nay Sir , I doe but shewe you that I haue a toole ; doe you heate Saint Dennis , but that we both stand vpon the narrow bridge of Honour , I should cut your throate now , for pure loue you beare to my Sister , but that I know you would set out a throate .

Cam. Wilt thou not Stab the peasant , That thus dishonours both thy selfe and me ? Hip.

Saint Marke set his markes vpon me then : stab ? Ile haue my shinnes broken , ere Ile scratch so much as the skin off , a the law of Armes : shall I make a French-man cry oh , before the fall of the Leafe ? not I by the Crosse of this , Dandyprat .

Dan If you will Sir you shall coyne me into a shilling . Hip. I shall lay too heauie a crosse vpon thee then . Cam. Is this a time to iest ? boy call my seruants . Doit. Gentlemen to the dresser . Enter Sereuingmen . Cam. You roague what Dresser ? ceaze on Fontenell , And lodge him in a Dungeon presentlie . Font. He steps vpon his death that stirres a foote . Cam. That shall I trie , as in the field before I made thee stoope , so heere Ile make thee bow . Font. Thou plaidst the Soldier then , the villaine now . Camillo and his men set vpon him , get him downe and disweapon him , and holde him fast . Font. Treacherous Italians . Camil. Hale him to a Dungeon , There if your thoughts can apprehend the forme , Of Uioletta ; dote on her rare feature , Or if your proude flesh with a sparing dyet , Can still retaine her swelling spritefulnes ; Then Court ( insteed of her ) the croaking vermine , That people , that most solitarie vault . Hip.

But sirra Camillo , wilt thou play the wise and venerable bearded Master Constable , and commit him indeede , because he would be medling in thy Precincte and will not put off the cap of his Loue to the browne-bill of thy desires ? Well , thou hast giuen the Law of Armes a broken pate alreadie , therefore if thou wilt needes turne Broker , and be a cut-throate too , doe : for my part , Ile goe get a sweet ball , and wash my handes of it .

Cam. Away with him , my life shall answere it . Font. To prison must I then ? well , I will goe , And with a light-wing'd spirit insult ore woe , For in the darkest hell on earth , Ile finde Her faire Idea to content my minde , Yet Fraunce and Italy with blistered tongue , Shall publish thy dishonor in my wrong Oh now how happy wert thou , couldst thou lodge me Where I could leaue to loue her ? Cam. By heauen I can . Font. Thou canst : Oh happie man ! This a kinde of new inuented law , First feede the Axe , after produce the Saw , Her heart no doubt will thy affections feele ; For thou'lt pleade sighes in bloud , and teares in steele . Boy tell my loue , her loue thus sighing spake : Ile vaile my crest to death , for her deere sake . Exit . Cam. Boy : what boy is that ? Hip.

Ist you Sir Pandarus , the broking Knight of Troy , are your two legs the paire of tressels , for the French-man to get vp vpon my Sister ?


By the nine Worthies , worthy Gallants not I ; I a Gentleman for Conueiance ? I Sir Pandarus ? would Troy then were in my breeches , and I burnt worse then poore Troy : sweet Signior you know , I know , and all Uenice knowes , that my Mistris scornes double dealing with her heeles .


With her heeles ? O heer's a sure pocket Dag , and my Sister shootes him off snipsnap at her pleasure . Sirra Mephostophiles , did not you bring letters from my Sister to the French-man ?

True. Signior no . Cam. Did not you fetch him out of the Tennis Court ? Tru.

No point per mafoy , you see I haue many tongues speake for me .

Hip. Did not he follow your cracke-ship , at a becke giuen ? True. Ita , true , certes , he spyed , & I spitting thus , went thus . Hip. But were staide thus . Tru.

You holde a my side , and therefore I must needs stick to you , tis true : I going , hee followed ; and following , fingred me , iust as your worship does now : but I strugled and stragled , and wragled and wragled , and at last cryed Vale valete , as I doe now , with this fragment of a rime :

My Lady is grosly falne in loue , and yet her waste is slender , Had I not slipt away , you wold haue made my buttocks tēder . Exit .
Dan. Shall Doyt & I play the Bloud-hounds & after him ? Cam. No , let him run . Hip.

Not for this wager of my Sisters loue , run ; away Dandipart , catch True-penny , & hold him , thy selfe shal passe more currant .

Da I fly Sir , your Dandiprat is as light as a clipt Angel . Exit Hip. Nay Gods lid after him Camillo , reply not but away . Cam. Content , you know where to meete : Exit . Hip.

For I know that the onelie way to win a wench , is not to woe her : the onely way to haue her fast , is to haue her loose : the onely way to tryumph ouer her , is to make her fall ; and the way to make her fall ,

Doit. Is to throw her downe . Hip. Are you so cunning Sir ? Doit. O Lord Sir ; and haue so perfit a Master . Hip.

Well Sir , you know the Gentlewoman that dwels in the midst of Saint Markes streete .

Doy. Midst of S. Markes streete Sir ? Hip. A pox on you ; the flea-bitten fac'd Ladie . Doit.

Oh Sir , the freckle checke Madona , I know her Signior , as well

Hip. Not as I doe , I hope Sir . Doit.

No Sir I de be loath to haue such inward acquaintance with her as you haue .


Well sir slip goe presently to her , and from me deliuer to her owne white hands , Fontinels picture .


Indeed Sir she loues to haue her chamber hung with the pictures of men .


She does , le keepe my sisters eyes and his painted face a sunder ; tell her besides , the Maske holdes and this the night , & nine the houre ; say we are all for her away .

Doit. And shee's for you all , were you an Armie . Exeunt . Enter Imperia the Curtizan , two maides Triuia and Simperina , with perfumes . Imp.

Fie , fie , fie , fie , by the light oath of my Fanne , the weather is exceeding tedious and faint : Triuia , Simperina , stir , stir , stir , one of you open the Case-ments , t'other take a ventoy and gentlie coole my face : fye , I ha such an exceeding hye culler , I so sweat ; Simperina , dost heare ? prethee be more compendious : why Simperina !

Sim. Heere Madame . Imp.

Presse downe my ruffe before ; away , fie , howe thou blowst vpon me , thy breath ( gods me ) thy breath , fie , fie , fie , fie , it takes off all the painting and culler from my cheeke : In good faith I care not if I goe and be sicke presentlie ; hey ho , my head so akes with carrying this Bodkin : in troth Ile try if I can bee sicke .

Triu. Na good sweet Ladie . Sim.

You know a companie of Gallantes will be heere at night be not out of temper sweet mistris .


In good troth if I bee not sicke I must be melancholye then : this same gowne neuer comes on but I am so melancholie , & so hart-burnt : tis a strange garment , I warrant Simperina the foolish Taylor that made it , was troubled with the stitch , when he compos'd it .


That's very likelie Madame , but it makes you haue oh a most in-conie bodie .


No , no no , no by Saint Marke the waste is not long enough , ( for I loue a long & tedious waste , besides , I haue a most vngodlie middle in it ; and fie , fie , fie , fie , it makes mee bend i'th backe : oh let me haue some Musicke .

Musicke .

That's not the fault in your gowne Madame , but of your baudie .


Fa la la fa la la , indeede the bending of the backe is the fault of the bodie la , la , la , la ; fa la la , fa la la , la la lah.

Trm. O rich ! Sim. O rare ! Imp.

No , no , no no , no : tis slight and common all that I do , prethee Simperina doe not ingle me ; doe not flatter me Triuia , I ha neuer a cast gowne till the next weeke , fa la la , la la la , fa la la , fa la la &c. This stirring too and fro has done me much good ; a song I prethee , I loue these French mo●uings ; oh they are so cleane if you treade them true , you shal hit them to a haire ; sing , sing , sing some odde and fantasticall thing , for I cannot abide these dull and lumpish tunes , the Musition stands longer a pricking them then I would doe to heare them : no , no no giue mee your light ones that goe nimbly and quicke , and are full of changes and carrie sweet deuision ; ho prethee sing , stay , stay , stay , heer's Hipolitoes Sonnet , first read it and then sing it .

Reades . Song . In a faire woman what thing is best ? I thinke a currall lip . No no you iest , She has a better thing . Then tis a pretty eye . Yet tis a better thing , Which more delight does bring . Then tis a cherry cheeke . No , no , you l ye . Were neither lip , nor cheekes currall , nor cherry eyes , Were not her swelling brest stucke with strawberies , Nor had smooth hand , soft skinne , white necke , pure eye , Yet she at this alone your loue can tye . It is , O tis the onely ioy to men , The onely praise to women ; what ist then ? This it is , O this it is , and in a womans middle it is plaste , In a most beautious body , a hart most chaste : This is the Iewell Kings may buy , If women sell this Iewell , women bye . One knockes within , Frisco answers within .
Fris. Who the pox knockes ? Doy. One that wil knocke thy coxcombe if he doe not enter . Fris. If thou dost not enter , how canst thou knocke me ? Doy. Why then Ile knocke thee when I doe enter . Fris.

Why then thou shalt not enter , but insteed of me knock thy heeles .

Doyt. Frisco I am Doyt Hypollitoes Page : Fris. And I am Frisco , Squire to a bawdy house . Doyt. I haue a Iewell to deliuer to thy Mistris . Fris. Ist set with pretious stones ? Doyt. Thicke , thick thicke . Enter Doyt with the picture , and Frisco . Fris. Why enter then thicke , thicke , thicke . Imp. Fye , fie , fie , fie , fie who makes that yawling at doore ? Fry.

Heer's Signtor Hipolitoes man ( that shal be ) come to hang you .


Triuia , strip that villaine ; Simperina pinch him , slit his wide nose ; fie , fie , fie , Ile haue you gelded for this lustines .


And she threatens to geld me vnlesse I bee lustie ; what shall poore Frisco doe ?

Imp. Hang me . Fris.

Not I , hang mee if you will , and set vp my quarters too .

Imp. Hypolitoes boy come to hang me ? Doy.

to hang you with Iewels , sweet and gentle ; that's Friscoes meaning , and that's my comming .

Imp. Keepe the doore . Fris.

That's my Office indeede , I haue bin your doore-keeper so long , that al the hindges , the spring-lockes and the ring , are worne to peeces ; how if any body knocke at the doore ?


Let them enter , fie , fie , fie , fie , fie , his great tongue does so runne through my little eares ; tis more harsh then a yonger brothers courting of a Gentlewoman , when he has no crownes , Boy ?

Doyt. At your seruice . Imp.

My seruice ? alas alas , thou canst doe me small seruice , did thy Master send this painted Iyntle man to me ?

Doyt. This painted Iyntleman to you . Imp.

Well , I will hang his picture vp by the walles , till I see his face , and when I see his face , Ile take his picture downe : hold it Triuia .

Triu. It's most sweetly made . Imp. Hang him vp Simperina . Simp. It's a most sweet man . Imp. And does the Maske holde ? let me see it againe . Doyt.

If their vizards holde , heere you shal see all their blind cheekes ; this is the night , nine the houre , and I the lacke that giues warning .

Simp. He giues warning Mistris , shall I set him out ? Doyt. You shall not neede , I can set out my selfe . Exit . Imp.

Flaxen haire , & short too , oh that's the French Cu ! but fye , fye , fye , this Flaxen hayr'd men are such pu-lers , and such pidlers , and such Chicken-heartes ( and yet great quarrellers ) that when they Court a Ladye , they are for the better part bound to the peace : no , no , no , no , your blacke hayred man ( so hee bee fayre ) is your onely sweet man , & in any seruice , the most actiue : a banquet Triuia ; quicke , quicke , quicke .


In a twinckling ; s'lid my Mistris cries like the rod-woman : quicke quick , quick , buy any Rosemary and Bayes ?

Exit .

A little face , but a louely face ; fye , fye , fye , no matter what face he make , so the other parts be Legittimate , and goe vpright : stir , stir Simperina , be doing , be doing , quickely ; mooue , mooue , mooue .

Sim. Most incontinently , mooue , mooue , mooue : ô sweete ! Exit . Imp.

Hey ho , as I liue I must loue thee , and sucke kisses from thy lips ; alacke that women should fall thus deeplie in loue , with dumbe things , that haue no feeling ? but they are womens crosses , and the only way to take them is to take them patiently ; hey ho ! set Musicke Frisco .

Enter Frisco , Triuia and Simperina .

Musicke , if thou hast not a hard heart , speake to my Mistris .


Say he scorne to marry mee , yet hee shall stand mee in some steede , by being my Ganimede : if he be the most decayed Gallant in all Uenice , I will my selfe vndoe my selfe , and my whole state to set him vp againe : though speaking truth would saue my life , I will lye to doe him pleasure : yet to tell lyes may hurt the soule : fye no no , no , soules are things to be trodden vnder our feete , when we daunce after loues Pipe ; therefore heere hang this counterfeit at my beds feete .


If he bee counterfeit , nayle him vp vpon one of your poastes .


By the moyst hand of loue I sweare , I will be his Lotterie , and he shall neuer draw , but it shall be a prize .

Curuetto knocke within .
Frisco . Who knockes ? Curu. Why tis I knaue . Frisco . Then knaue knocke there still . Curu. Wut open doore ? Fris. Yes when I list I will . Cur. Heer's money . Fris. Much : Cur. Heer's golde . Fris. Away : Cur. Knaue open . Fris. Call to our maides , God night , we are all a slopen .

Mistris , if you haue euer a Pinnace to set out , you may now haue it man'd and ryg'd ; for Signior Curuetto , he that cryes , I am an old Courtier , but lye close , lye close , when our Maides sweare hee lyes as wide as any Courtier in Italy .

Imp. Doe we care how he lyes ? Knocking . Fris.

Anon , anon , anon , this old hoarie red Deare , serues himselfe in at your key-hole .

Cur. What Frisco ? Fris. Harke , shall he enter the breach ? Imp.

Fye , fie , fie , I wonder what this Gurnets head makes heere : yet bring him in , he will serue for picking meate ; let Musicke play , for I will feyne my selfe to be a sleepe .

Enter Curuetto .
Cur. Three pence , and heere's a teston , yet take all , Comming to Iumpe , we must be prodigall : Hem , I am an olde Courtier , and I can lye close ; Put vp Frisco , put vp , put , vp , put vp . Fris.

Any thing at your hands sir , I will put vp , because you sildome pull out any thing .

Sim. Softlie sweet Signior Curuetto , for shee's fast . Cur. Ha , fast ? my Roba fast ? and but young night : Shee's wearied , wearied , ah ha , hit I right ? Sim. How sir , wearied ? marie foh . Fris. Wearied Sir ? mary muffe . Cur. No words , heere mouse , no words , no words sweet rose , I am an hoarie Courtier , & lye close , lye close , hem : Fris.

An olde hoarie Courtier ? why so has a Iowle of Ling , and a mustie Whiting bin ( time out of minde ) me thinkes Signior , you should not be so olde by your face :

Cur. I haue a good heart knaue ; and a good heart Is a good face-maker , I am young , quicke , briske , I was a Reueller in a long stocke ; ( There's not a gallant now filles such a stocke ) Plumpe hose , pain'd , stuft with haire ( haire then was held The lightest stuffing ) a faire Cod-peece : hoh , An Eele-skin sleeue , lasht heere and there with lace , Hye coller , lasht agen : breeche lasht also : A little simpring ruffe , a dapper Cloake , With Spanish button'd Cape : my Rapier heere , Gloues like a Burgomaster heere ; hat heere , ( Stucke with some ten-groate brooch : ) and ouer al , A goodlie , long thicke , Abram-colour'd beard ; Ho God , Ho God , thus did I Reuell it . When Mousieur Mot lay heere Embassador . But now those beards are gone , our Chinnes are bare ; Our Corters now doe all against the haire . I can lye close and see this , but not see , I am hoarie , but not hoarie as some be . Imp. Hey ho ; who's that ? Signior Curuetto ? by my virginity Cur. Hem , no more , Sweare not so deepe at this yeares , men haue eyes , And though the most are fooles , some fooles are wise . Imp.

Fie , fie , fie , and you meete mee thus at halfe weapon , one must downe .

Fris. She for my life . Imp. Some bodie shall pay for't . Fris. He for my head . Imp.

Doe not therefore come ouer me so with crosse blows , no , no , no , I shall be sicke , if my speech be stopt : by my Virginitie I sweare : and why may not I sweare by that I haue not , as well as poore mustie Soldiers doe by their honour : Brides , at foure & twentie : ha , ha , ha , by their Maiden-heads : Cittizens , by their faith , and Brokers as they hope to be saued : by my Virginitie I sweare , I dream'd that one brought me a goodlie Codshead , and in one of the eyes , there stucke ( mee thought ) the greatest pretious stone , the most sparkling Diamond : oh fie , fie , fie , fie , fie , that Diamonds should make women such fooles .

Cur. A Codshead and a Diamond , ha , ha , ha , Tis common , common , you may dreame as well Of Diamonds and of Codsheads , where's not one , As sweare by your Virginitie where's none . I am that Codshead , she has spide my stone , My Diamond : noble wench , but nobler no see ; Puts it vp . I am an olde Courtier , and lye close , lye close . The Cornets sound a Lauolto which the Maskers are to daunce , Camillo , Hippolito , and other Gallants , euerie one saue Hippolito , with a Ladie Maskt , Zanies with Coaches enter sodainly : Curuetto offers to depart . Imp.

No , no , no , if you shrinke from me I will not loue you : stay .

Cur. I am coniur'd , and will keepe my circle . They daunce . Imp.

Fie , fie , fie , by the neate tung of eloquence , this measure is out of measure , tis too hot , too hot , gallants bee not ashamed to shew your owne faces : Ladies vnapparell your deare beauties : So , so , so , so , heere is a banquet ; sit , sit , sit Signior Curuetto , thrust in among them , soft Musicke there , doe , doe , doe .


I will first salute the men , close with the women , and last sit .


But not sit last : a banquet ? and haue these Suckets heere ? oh I haue a crue of Angels prisoners in my pocket , and none but a good bale of dice can fetch them out : Dice ho ; come my little letcherous Baboone , by Saint Marke , you shall venture your twentie crownes .

Cur. And haue but one . Hip. I swore first . Cur. Right , you swore , But oathes are now like Blurt our Constable , Standing for nothing , a meere plot , a tricke , The Maske dog'd me , I hit it in the nicke ; A fetch to get my Diamond , my deare stone , I am a hoarie Courtier , but lye close , close , close ; Ile play Sir . Hip. Come . Cur. But in my to'ther hose . Exit . Omnes . Curuetto ? Hip.

Let him goe , I knew what hooke would choake him , and therfore baited that for him to nibble vpon : an old combepeckt rascall , that was beaten out a'th Cocke-pit , when I could not stand a hye-lone without I held by a thing , to come crowing among vs : hang him lobster ; come , the same oath that your Fore-man tooke , take all , and Sing .

Song . Loue is like a Lambe , and Loue is like a Lyon , Fly from Loue , he fights ; fight , then does he fly on : Loue is all in fire , and yet is euer freezing , Loue is much in winning , yet is more in loozing . Loue is euer sicke , and yet is neuer dying , Loue is euer true , and yet is euer lying . Loue does dote in liking , and is mad in loathing , Loue indeede is any thing , yet indeed is nothing .

Mars armipotent with his Court-of-guard , giue sharpnes to my Toledo , I am beleager'd , ô Cupid graunt that my blushing prooue not a Linstocke , and giue fire too sodainlie to the roaring Meg of my desires ; most Sanguine cheekt Ladyes .


S'foote how now Don Dego ; Sanguine cheekt ? dost thinke their faces haue been at Cutlers ? out you roring-tawnyfac'd rascall , t'were a good deede to beate my hyltes about's coxcombe , and then make him Sanguine cheekt too .

Cam. Nay good Hipolito . Imp.

Fye , fie , fie , fie , fie , tho I hate his companie , I wod not haue my house to abuse his countenance : no , no , no , bee not so Contagious , I will send him hence with a flea in's eare .


Doe , or Ile turne him into a flea , and make him skip vnder some of your petticoates .

Imp. Signior Lazarillo : Laz.

Most sweet face you neede not hang out your silken tongue as a Flag of truce : for I will drop at your feete , ere I draw bloud in your Chamber ; yet I shall hardly drinke vp this wrong , for your sake I will wipe it out for this time : I would deale with you in secret ( so you had a voide roome ) about most deepe and serious matters .


Ile send these hence ; fie , fie , fie , I am so choakt still with this man of Ginger-bread , and yet I can neuer be rid of him , but harke Hipolito .


Good draw the Curtaines , put out Candles , and girles to bed .


Venus , giue me sucke , from thine owne most white and tender dugs , that I may batten in loue : deere instrument of manie mens delight , are all these women ?

Imp. No no , no , they are halfe men and halfe women . Laz.

You apprehend too fast , I meane by women , wiues : for wiues are no maides , nor are maides women : If those vnbearded Gallants keepe the doores of their Wedlocke , those Ladies spend their houres of pastime but ill , ( ô most rich armefull of beautie ) but if you can bring all those Feamales into one ring , into one priuate place : I wil read a Lecture of discipline , to their most great and honourable eares ; wherein I will teach them , so to carrie their white bodies , eyther before their husbands or before their Louers , that they shall neuer feare to haue milke throwne in their faces ; nor I , wine in mine , when I come to sit vpon them in curtesie .


That were excellent , Ile haue them all heere at your pleasure .


I will shew them all the trickes and garbes of Spanish Dames , I will studye for apt and legant phrase to tickle them with ; and when my deuise is readie I will come : will you inspire into your most diuine spirits , the most diuine soule of Tobacco ?


No , no , no ; fye , fye , fie , I should be choakt vp if your pipe should kisse my vnder-lip .


Hence foorth , most deepe stampe of Feminine perfection , my Pype shall not bee drawne before you , but in secret .

Enter Hippolito and the rest of the Maskers , as before dauncing : Hippolito takes Imperia , Exeunt .
Laz. Lament my case since thou canst not prouoke , Her nose to smell , loue fill thine owne with smoake . Exit . Enter Hippolito and Frisco . Fris.

The wodden picture you sent her , hath set her on fire ; and shee desires you as you pittye the case of a poore desperate Gentlewoman , to serue that Monsieur in at Supper to her .

Enter Camillo .

The Frenchman , Saint Dennis , let her carue him vp : Stay , heer's Camillo ; now my foole in fashion , my sage Ideot , vp with this brimmes , downe with this deuill ( Melancholie ) are you decayed concupiscentious Inamorato ? newes , news , Imperia dotes on Fontinell .

Cam. What comfort speakes her loue to my sicke heart ? Hip.

Mary this Sir ; heere's a Yellow-hammer flew to me with thy water , and I cast it , and finde , that his Mistris being giuen to this newe falling-sicknesse , will cure thee : the Frenchman you see has a soft Mermaladie heart , and shall no sooner feele Imperiaes liquerish desire to licke at him , but straight hee'll sticke the brooch of her longing in it : then Sir , may you sir , come vpon my Sister sir , with a fresh charge Sir ; Sa , sa , sa , sa , once giuing backe , and thrice comming forward , she yeeld and