The Married Target










Fair questions. Taking them in turn.

















  1. Very interesting and describes so much that we’ve experienced with the narcissist who set her sights on my husband. I’ve been the evil bitch controlling wife ever since he ended the affair, I’m sure that I was the same to her before but I was an unknown entity until discovery.

    Her narcissistic rage when my husband didn’t respond to her parading a new man in front of his face a week after he went no contact prompted her to show up at a very public venue he was working at the next day, and when he wouldn’t be alone with her (“Let’s go sit in the car”, LOL) she escalated to telling him about the night she spent in bed with the guy. That encounter escalated more every time he didn’t produce the desired response, and ended with her yelling at him that he’d leave me for a woman, he’s gay, he wants to have sex with men…she was ludicrous in her attempt to publicly slander him. She made a fool of herself but I believe that she seriously couldn’t help it because she came thinking he would fuel her with displays of jealousy and wanting to see her, and he did the opposite. He wounded her deeply and she continued to escalate.

    Someone else wrote in a comment that being nice to or feeling sorry for the narcissist is foolishness…I’m paraphrasing but that’s the gist. That they deserve to get back what they’re giving since they’re on a mission to destroy you. I agree. I actually had some bit of empathy for her, since she had been in a relationship with someone and even though it was my husband, I could understand the pain of having that end abruptly. I quickly discarded that notion because she would use any contact with me to either tell me how he didn’t love me the way he loved her (passionately! insanely! he doesn’t love you like that!), and when that didn’t produce the desired result of me dissolving into a puddle of tears and/or throwing him out, to tell me that she didn’t want him anyway because he was bisexual and would leave me for a man one day. She was so bizarre and transparent in her attempts to mortally wound me and find “the thing” that would make me divorce him. As you wrote above, HG, there was no understanding that in our 20 years of being together, what we’ve built was strong enough to withstand an affair, and even an aftermath of years of narcissistic rage manifesting itself in covert and overt ways to this day.

  2. I am sure my first narcissist had an affair with a married woman when we were together.

    He was babysitting her children to make some pocket money. You could tell from a mile away that this lady had a crush on him. She was older and motherly. Clearly an empath.

    He even told me that the ‘friendship’ between the two of them had caused friction within the marriage.

    The poor husband, always away on business and leaving his wife around a tall, dark and handsome foreigner in his 20s.

    He should have known better.

    And so should I. That relationship screwed me up big time. But, on the bright side, it is the reason I speak English – and that has opened a lot of doors for me.

    So I got something in return at least.

    1. Hi emp….what you said about what your narc said about his presence causing friction in the marriage im sure was fuel to him. I sense my narc feels smug for similiar reasons. They feel powerful in being the “other man/woman” but theres no power in that. The only power comes from the reason why she had a crush on your narc and my hunch is something was missing in the marriage. It couldve been some other narc she was drawn to bc she has a void. It didnt make him special or all so powerful. Narcs are like scavengers they find weakness and prey on that. They prey on the already wounded feeding off their damaged carcasses.
      Married people are such a great target for this reason when theres issues within the marriage they sense it and swoop in for the kill. Scavengers.

      1. Hi narc affair,

        She was VERY alone. She had moved to my home town for work-related reasons, the husband was always away on business and one of her two children was disabled.

        The narcissist provided company, attention and excitement (including sex I am sure).

        And her children adored him.

      2. Narc Affair

        I can not wrap my head around having an affair. It isn’t like I didn’t have men hitting on me and I sure as hell had reasons to do such, yet I can’t. It makes me feel sick. I am speaking only for myself and hold no judgment towards those that have. I just don’t understand how someone will have an affair. Exit the relationship and start a new one, why hurt another. In some cases I do understand when married to a narcissist yet even then I couldn’t have an affair.
        I am single for a reason, not that says I am with anyone. I feel free at the moment and I don’t want anyone to take that from me.

        So yes I don’t understand the why be in a relationship if one will stray. Be single and free to chose whom you wish to be with a night or two or more.

        My point is a commitment was made, if you can’t uphold it then be single free of this commitment.

        Please don’t think I am judging, I really can not grasp this. Not when it comes to empaths, narcissistic trait or not. I just can not grasp it.

      3. Hi twilight… i dont expect you to understand. Its very complicated. I struggle with it myself. I never thought id be the type to stray but i have. Its been a long process that lead up to that point. For many years i was faithful but that being said i can see where the problems started from almost the beginning. I wont defend having an affair bc its wrong but i also am no longer beating myself over it bc i can see where and why it lead up to this. Its not out of boredom or not loving my hubby bc i love him very deeply but am not in love with him and again there are reasons behind this.
        I feel a lot of guilt and anxiety over the way my life is and then throw in narcissism and its over the roof.
        Im in therapy right now working on all of this. Alot of it actually goes back to not only the marriage but my childhood. Its all interwoven.

        1. Hello Narc Affair

          Thank you for your reply
          It was a choice you made, nothing more. Yet I am glad to read you are working on finding the reasons you chose to go that path.

          I know why I can not, the moment my partner would find out either the fury or hurt would affect me. I just can not grasp why other empaths can do this, I believe it has something to do with the individuals level of emotional contingency.

      4. A couple weeks ago my therapist had brought up the idea of journaling. I used to journal but i find it more helpful to post on here and read comments then reflect on my own.
        I had mentioned HG and narc site and she had said as part of our sessions she may pop on and read HG’s work along with some of my posts. I told her who i am. I was a bit hesitant to mention my posting here but ive been very open in our sessions which ive felt has lifted a tremendous weight off my shoulders.
        Im not sure if she will post but she did say she would be checking the site out!

      5. Hi twilight….my choice isnt a reflection of my empathy. I feel very much empathetic towards not only others but my husband as well but there are factors youre not aware of that lead to my choice so its important to keep that in mind. Its easy to jump to conclusions when you think of someone having an affair. It doesnt make someone more empathetic bc theyve not had an affair.
        I can see where people would think this but its not the case or at least not in my situation. My choice was not bc i dont care about my husbands feelings lets just leave it at that.

        1. Narc Affair

          I didn’t say you didn’t feel empathetic towards your husband or others.

          You made a choice for yourself, based on what you believe you needed. Finding the reason why you believed you needed to do this is an answer only you can discover.

          IMO the higher the emotional contingency the less likely an affair will happen, this doesn’t make this person better then another only that they will make a choice that is best for themselves. Nothing more nothing less.

  3. Thank you for the answer.If it is true,it is bad.No wonder the world is not better..I read about narcissism and i do not understand a lot of things.Twisted logic.If you think you are better,why are you jealous?So much?Why someone is jealous of sheep?Do you think that the lack of emotions is physical defect?Thanks in advance

    1. Therein lies one of the many contradictions of our kind, but the narcissism prevents recognition of this in most of our kind.

    1. My narc has zero jealousy of my hubby bc it serves him well to have me married. Hes a committment phobe and would rather be with women he cant have. I know for a fact he has no jealousy over my hubby whatsoever unless it interferes with his life in some way.

  4. Married targets. “HG Wants to Know Poll” around the subject? From what I’ve read, it applies to many readers/participants of the blog.

  5. Mr.HG Tudor, not related topic..officially there you 1% of the population..What is your opinion? Thanks

      1. Probably wrong information..rephrase the your opinion,in percent,how many people are without any empathy?(narc,psycho,etc.) Thanks

        1. Thank you for clarifying. There is not reliable statistical information so I operate on anecdotal experience and therefore 15-20%

    1. Even tho the diagnosed narc population is low there are a lot of people that are highly narcissistic.

      1. I do wonder out of the commenters here how many were involved with actual natcissists vs highly narcissistic. When ut boils down to it i dont think it matters bc its the abusive ways that are the issue. A highly narcissistic individual can adopt the same tactics as a narc but maybe not to the same degree. An individual doesnt have to be a full fledge narc to be abusive.

Vent Your Spleen!
