Mama Tired

Those of you that are moms will understand when I say that I am “mama tired.” Let me try to explain it to all of you non-parents that don’t understand, but it is likely impossible to truly put into words.  Being a mom is a job. It’s a job that you do 24/7. It is a constant state of being. There are no vacation days, there are no sick days, and there is no time off.  I had the flu last week, but that didn’t matter. I still had to do the mom thing. The job of being a mom never ends. It also isn’t an easy job. It’s honestly the hardest job in the world. There is no instruction manual that tells you what to do in every situation. You can’t go to college and study how to be a good mom. You basically have to make it up as you go and pray, cross your fingers and your toes, knock on wood, and say all the “Hail Mary’s” and hope with every fiber of your being that it was the right decision. Sometimes it is, but many times it isn’t. Then you have to live with the consequences and spend your life trying to make up for it or fix it.  

Being responsible for the well being of another human being and the kind of person they become is like no other pressure in the world.  You are constantly stressed. You are constantly worried. You are constantly second guessing yourself.  Some days you want to curl up in a ball under the table and never come out.  That’s just how it is.  I don’t know a single mom out there that wouldn’t agree.  We all love our kids to death and wouldn’t want to loose them or take back having them ever, but it is exhausting.  It’s not just a physical exhaustion either. It is mental exhaustion just as much as physical.  Your mom brain NEVER turns off.  Even when you are asleep, your thoughts and dreams are about your kids.  There is no off switch.  

Some, actually most, moms even go through an identity crisis more than once. You begin to loose who you are as a person separate from a mom.  You are so wrapped up in your children that you forget who you were before they came into your world.  You become mom only, and you loose the rest of you.  It’s so easy to do, and it just adds to the exhaustion.  You are no longer feeding yourself.  You are no longer able to see anything beyond your job as a mom. You need a break, but you can’t take one because there is no such thing. Even when you are away from your kids, you can’t shut off being a mom.  You still think about them. You still worry about them.  You talk about them constantly.  You cannot escape.  A real escape does not exist when you are a mom. It just doesn’t. 

Moms can feel the weight of the world on their shoulders, and that world is our kids.  You can see it in our posture. You can see it in our eyes. No make-up or concealer can cover up mama tired.  We all know it is there.  We can recognize it in each other, but many moms don’t talk about.  They suffer alone. This is where you can go wrong. You have to have someone that is in your same shoes that you can talk to, vent to, and commiserate with.  It is so important. I am lucky enough to have friends that I can do that with.  We have even been called “the mommy council” by one of our husbands because we are the first people we turn to for advice.    We bounce things off of each other. We tell each other about the things we are struggling with. We plan a group gathering when we know that one of us is really struggling. We support each other. We don’t judge. We are each other’s relief.  Even when we are miles apart, we are still there for each other every second of every day.  We have this Facebook Messenger group that we have had for years.  It is one long thread of unending support and nine mamas who are in a constant state of exhaustion.  We celebrate each other. We cheer each other on. We know that we aren’t alone. We love each other unconditionally.  I am certain that if I didn’t have this amazing group of friends that I would be under the table curled up into that ball all the time.  I encourage all of you to find that person or that group that you can be “mama tired” with because it makes being “mama tired” okay.  It lets you know that you aren’t crazy.  It lets you see that how you feel is normal and okay. It lets you rediscover who you are outside of being a mom.  It helps you get back to you. Whether you are new at being “mama tired” or you have been doing it for years, you aren’t alone. There are millions of us out there that feel the exact same way and it’s all going to be okay. I promise!

Anchored and Mama Tired,

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