The secret to building your confidence

We could all do with a bit more confidence, yet the term “own yourself” is often banded around blogs without people truly understanding what is meant by this assertive expression.  

The phrase tends to relates to someone taking complete responsibility for themselves and becoming more comfortable, confident and proud of the person they not only portray to the outside world, but are on the inside.

A great example of someone that owns himself is Gordon Ramsay or the fictional character from Suits, Harvey Specter.  It’s not because he’s outspoken or successful, it’s because he is very much himself – and takes complete responsibility for his life.  

Now, in terms of his style, he’s often found simply wearing jeans and black t-shirt; nothing fancy, but he owns it.  He works hard to look good in said black t-shirt and this simple style makes him come across as emotionally bold and sturdy.  

With regard to feeling confident have you ever noticed how if you go a couple of days without shaving or using beard trimmers to the point your stubble or beard just looks like you don’t really care about your appearance, how much this can knock your confidence when interacting with people.  Taking care of these small details is extremely important if we wanting more confidence and a feeling of owning ourselves.

Similarly, people that own their own style tend to be confident and congruent because they have found a way to express themselves that feels aligned with who they are.

In fact, you may have already noticed how a simple change in style can completely change the way others perceive you; or when you start using aftershave each day.

In this sense confidence is very much like a snowball; in that the more confidence you have; the more confidence you tend to attract and it progresses in an upward spiral like way.  This is beyond faking it until you make it, this is the fact that when people treat you as confident, you feel more confident and when you feel more confident people view you as more confident.

As mentioned above, a good example of someone that owns themselves in this context is Harvey Specter from the TV show Suits.  It’s not so much his style and classy look that results in this sense of him owning himself; it’s his forthright, alpha male attitude that gets straight to the point with confidence and intensity – yet, if he was now wearing clothes that were congruent with his sense of personal power, it would feel incongruent, and people might not respect his authority anywhere near as much.

This is why, owning yourself is inextricably linked to the clothes and style you choose, as people do rely on first impressions to work out who a person is and what they are about, so if you’re in need of a style upgrade in order to have more confidence in your style, now’s the time to make a change.

Essentially, the two fundamentals to having more confidence in your style are to (1) dress in a way that expresses who you are according to your own tastes and (2) be comfortable in what you’re wearing – both emotionally and physically, and (3) take care of the little things that matter in terms of daily grooming such as keeping your hair cut, shaving, and using aftershave.


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