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02 August 2010 @ 02:41 pm
True Blood rant for episode 3.7 "Hitting the Ground"  


We are officially more than halfway through True Blood’s season three. The big question at this point isn’t what the bleeding hell is Sookie, why is she so dumb or what the frak is the “Authority.” The burning question is WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS SWILL?!


First, I will fess up that I am a book fan. Or more specifically a book Eric fan. Eric Northman ranks very, very high on my favorite literary characters list. So naturally, Alan Ball’s hard on for Bill Compton drives me up the wall. Last night’s episode was no exception. Why couldn’t Sookie have driven that stake just a little farther and rid both herself and us of Bill’s lying, stalking, manipulating ass! Gah!


Speaking of Bill…WTF? It’s the middle of the day, he’s damn near drained and he still has the strength to restrain a batshit crazy, just fed on a fairy Lorena? Okaaaay, whatever Alan Ball. Gotta give Bill his “heroic” moment, I guess, because god forbid, Sookie actually does something for herself. Nope, can’t have that. Although in Sookie’s defense, she’s a hell of a screamer (shhh, don’t tell Eric! :-p) At least Tara had enough sense to do something about batshit crazy Debbie. Cause that reasoning with her thing was going sooo well. But Sookie quickly negates any points that her screaming had earned her when she voluntarily locked herself in the back of a truck with a very hungry Bill. Does she have short term memory loss or something? Got hit in the head too many times? Did she forget what happened the last time Bill was ravenous? Bueller? Bueller? (For those who are suffering from a case of the Sookies, it was in season one when he rose in the cemetery after the Trio got burned to a crisp, a scene many find hot, but I just find really, really gross.) Anyway, Sookie comes to the obvious conclusion that Bill needs blood. Completely forgetting that it’s the middle of the day and he’d be dead to the world anyhow, but whatever.


Now what happened next is a completely watered down version of what happened in the book. Which is complete and utter bullshit. But again Ball’s worship of Saint Bill prevents showing his hero (*GAG*) in an irredeemable light. Bill comes to with Sookie’s magic blood (more on that later), but completely ravenous from the torture and whatnot, Bill proceeds to drain poor, idiotic Sookie. Now usually the urge to feed and the urge to fuck go hand in hand (see the aforementioned cemetery scene), but not this time apparently. Aside: why does Alcide, who is supposedly a werewolf, not hear what’s going on in the back of the truck? Superhuman hearing anyone? Hello? As I’ve said since he was introduced, he is the world’s shittiest bodyguard. Eric needs a refund for this shit.

(SPOILER ALERT) In the book, Bill both drains and rapes Sookie while locked in the truck of Alcide’s car. They were locked in there together by batshit crazy Debbie, in the hope that Bill would kill Sookie. It’s a brutal, uncomfortable to read, scene. I defy even the most ardent Bill fan to look at him the same way after that. But the impact is completely stripped on the show. Sookie can, and will, explain it away by Bill’s starved, ravenous state. There are not enough levels of how uncool that is. And yes, I would say the same if it were Eric in Bill’s place. But it’s not. Period. Now people will argue that Eric feeding on Hadley is no different. But it is. Why? Eric’s never pretended to be nice guy. He’s never pretended to be human. Eric’s goal at that moment was to torture Sophie Anne to get information. He didn’t know Hadley was Sookie’s kin. It probably wouldn’t have made a difference if he did at first. And he didn’t kill her. He fed Hadley some of his blood so she’ll live. How much of that has to do with her being Sookie’s cousin is up for debate. But Eric’s got more going on than saving Sookie. She’s not real high up on his list of priorities. Save Pam, kill Russell, that’s about it. Oh and stay alive. Only when those goals are met will he be able to turn his attention to that telepathic waitress he’s obsessed with. Bottom line, Eric’s not in love with Sookie and asking her to marry him. Bill is. And to rationalize his attack on her is wrong. End of story.


When Tara sees what Bill has done to her friend, she quite rightly tosses his mangy, fugly ass out into the sun. And does he burn to a crisp? HELL NO, the TV gods are not that merciful. Why, you ask? Well, because of Sookie’s magic blood of course! You silly, silly things! You’re assuming that shit makes sense! Not to mention Bill’s odd tan as he tumbled into the sun. Fae blood makes you fucking glow too? Ugh. Even better, when Tara and Alcide (BTW, am I the only one shipping them now?) get Sookie to the hospital, they find out…wait for it…DOESN’T. HAVE. A. BLOOD. TYPE. Are you fucking kidding me? Now as a book reader I know exactly what Sookie is, but really. She’s doesn’t have a blood type? She was born on the dining room table? Was there no room at the fucking inn? Alan Ball, your “heroine” (and I use that term extremely loosely) is a telepathic waitress, not Jesus. Just an FYI.


So what is Sookie? Well, nonbook readers still don’t have a fucking clue at the end of the episode, but they do get treated to some crazy, fucked up, and absolutely ridiculous coma dream from Sookie that features a bunch of scantily clad dancing people. What is this, another one of MaryAnn’s orgies? Only with flowers instead of meat trees? Seriously, WHAT. THE. BLEEDING. FUCK. A magic, glowy water tunnel? Alan Ball, you are not Darlton. They are a thousand times more awesome than you could EVER be. And people think this is good television? To quote Spike: Is everyone here very stoned? Whatever they’re smoking over at Team True Blood, they need to put it down. Speaking of stoned…that was Claudine? For real? Are you sure it wasn’t her more homely cousin?


For the record, I hate the fairy storyline in the books. It’s completely pointless because about all it does it explain why Supes are drawn to Sookie. So I’m not surprised at Ball’s attempt to make it more relevant by the hand glowing, magic blood crap. Personally, I’d have cut it altogether, but that’s just me. Odd note: did I hear Claudine correctly? Did she say that one day Sookie would have the same stamina as the other fae? Does that mean that Sookie will BECOME fae? Is that how she and Bill will live together forever with their twuluv? *doublegag* Man, what a way to make your lead unrelatable, Alan. Seriously, kudos.


Now this could – and probably does to some people – sound like the bitter rantings of a book fan. I know that sacrifices must be made when translating from book to screen. I’ve been watching the HP films for 10 years, I get it. Got the t-shirt. And there are changes I’ve liked. Lafayette lives! Jessica. Franklin Mott. Russell and his power trip. Godric as Eric’s maker. Not wildly crazy about Eric’s vendetta on Russell, but it’s Eric screentime so I forbear. But the above rantings are about fundamental changes Ball has made about who characters are, all to fit his “Bill and Sookie are soulmates” garbage. Not to mention the shoddy writing and pacing. I am so beyond frustrated. I loved True Blood, I really did. It filled the void after my beloved Moonlight was canceled. But now…I can barely stand to watch it. Instead I mock. Loudly. Eric, I wish I knew how to quit you.


38 days until The Vampire Diaries returns. Halle-fucking-lujah. Damon, Elena, Alaric. Stefan, Caroline, Tyler and the Germ. Save me from this morass. Please.


Current Location: Enterprise
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: 21 Guns - Green Day
michellemtsu: Eric - Amusedmichellemtsu on September 1st, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
You're welcome!

I have NO idea what's up with Sam. He's suddenly a cold blooded killer? WTF? And Sookie doesn't know? Isn't she a telepath? I know she only hears thoughts as people think them, but are we supposed to believe that Sam as NEVER thought about murdering those people the whole time he's known her? Whatever, AB.

I'm really worried about the finale, especially after this week's cliffie. If ghostly Godric shows up, I'm DONE. There's only so much ridiculousness I can take, even for Eric.
bliss714bliss714 on September 1st, 2010 03:33 am (UTC)
Yep, I'm right there with ya. I say we grab the protesters and pickets signs and give 'em hell. LOL. I'm kinda worried about the finale myself. This past week I have decided I really am gonna quit watching HBO's True Blood and just stick with the books. It's a lot less stressful.