Thursday, January 30, 2014

Rogues Rebellion #4

What the fuck? Did Bane and everybody else take a time out in their Arkham War to beat the shit out of a few out-of-towners?

As the issue begins, we're (I accept all of you as my traveling companions in the World of DC's New 52. Shall we get a drink at the hostel bar before heading out? Maybe a little hanky-panky in the shared bathroom while a drunk German vomits out a lung in the stall next to us while intermittently shouting, "Her-ka! Her-ka! *BLAAAARGH*") introduced to The New 52 Royal Flush Gang. It's possible they showed up for a brief moment in Forever Evil but a lot of fucking assholes cameoed in that so forgive me if I can't quite recall. They're operating out of Atlantic City at the "Man of Steal" casino. Which looks like The Daily Planet. I get that it's just themed like Metropolis but if I were Clark Kent, I'd be a little bit worried that they might be on to my secret identity over there in Atlantic City. I bet Las Vegas runs odds on the most likely candidates for Superman's secret identity. And probably Batman and all the others. I wonder what the payout was for guessing that Dick Grayson was Nightwing? I bet the odds were near even on that bet since Bruce Wayne has got to be fucking front runner for being Batman. Odds makers don't fuck around. They know shit. They're practically mystic shaman.

Anyway, The Royal Flush Gang remind me why the cover is the way the cover is and why a bunch of psychotic assholes might actually take a moment to break from war to capture The Rogues. I forgot that The Crime Syndicate put out a hit on them. And The Royal Flush Gang wants that cash control of all gambling from coast to coast. Who the fuck is going to have time to gamble in this fucked up world run by super assholes?

The Royal Flush Gang is confusing. The guy in the throne seemed to obviously be The Ace of Spades and yet the Ace of Hearts calls him "King." Do these fuckers know how cards work?

Back in Gotham, Mirror Master learns what Mister Freeze really wants.

Silly Putty! Why didn't Plastic Man go with that name and take the lucrative product tie-in deal!?

Mirror Master chooses not to help Mister Freeze which is mostly okay because, apparently, Clayface can actually use the powers of the person he replicates if their powers are a result of a change in genetic structure. So if Clayface sucks down some of Weather Wizard's sweet, sweet DNA, then Claypuss can control the weather! Wow. Clayface can really get pretty powerful, can't he?

Meanwhile in a police impound lot, The Trickster, having been separated, meets up with a cool guy in a hoodie. He doesn't seem suspicious at all, hiding his facial features and slinking around in the dark. He's probably a priest or a doctor or something not crazy or scary at all. The Trickster thinks he's a bit creepy but what does The Trickster know? People are probably more dangerous in Central City than in Gotham.

No, no. The guy turns out to be Zsasz. I knew Talon went too easy on him over in Arkham War. Fucking Talon can't do anything right.

Who's posting pictures of Zsasz on Tumblr? Who the fuck are they shipping him with? I'd go with Ferdie. #Ferdsz

Back at the main action, Weather Wizard comes about and Heatwave tells Mister Freeze that he "ain't no Captain Cold." You're fucking telling me! I hate friggin' Mister Freeze! Taking all of Captain Cold's glory simply because Mister Freeze wound up on the big screen. And even though it was a crappy movie, it was still publicity. So now even people who don't like Batman or comic books still know who Mister Freeze is. But he doesn't deserve that kind of recognition. Not at all. Captain Cold is a fucking captain! Mister Freeze is just, like, your neighbor or something! "Oh, good morning, Mister Freeze. Nice day today, yeah?"

The fight is a bit of a stalemate when Black Mask and The Best Fucking Gang in Gotham arrive on the scene.

Seriously. Best fucking gang ever. Although they really could use a raccoon. And a kitten. At least they've got a goat. Also note how poor Clayface is, yet again, being verbally abused because of his looks.

As the Rogues are getting their asses handed to them, The Trickster arrives with their getaway vehicle. But they still can't get away until Heatwave stays behind to blow himself up in a gigantic conflagration that might kill The Bunny and maybe The Monkey but none of the really important super villains. It does, though, give the Rogues (minus Heatwave) a chance to escape. So Heatwave proves that he is a big softy and not the asshole he was trying to make me believe that he was. Too bad I don't give a shit about him or this might have been a nice moment. Also, no way in fuck is he (or Mister Freeze or Clayface or Black Mask) dead. Did I need to type that? That's obvious, right? Comic Books 101!

As the Rogues are leaving Gotham, the Royal Flush Gang catches up with them. They point out that they have The Glider and that she's going to die if The Rogues don't give themselves up to be turned over to The Crime Syndicate where they'll all die anyway. Including Glider. The Royal Flush Gang aren't very good at doing their homework though since they fly in on shiny, reflective metal cards. Which means they're all going to wind up in Mirror World in about seven seconds.

Rogues Rebellion #4 Rating: No change. Some enjoyable moments here but it felt like mostly treading water. I suppose Heatwave's sacrifice was the big moment here. And how he's once again stated his mistrust of Captain Cold. Maybe Mick is going to be out since he seemed the least able to get with the "Rogues are Family" program.

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