Wednesday, June 29, 2016

We Are Robin #12

This comic book needs something to make it interesting but I haven't given it enough thought to know what. Probably sex.

The Review!
This is the last issue of the series and, of course, it's probably the best and most interesting. Why is that? Why can't comic book writers figure out what makes a final issue where they wrap everything up so much better than the issues where they're trying to build the world? I think it's that whole 'in media res' thing! This should have been Issue #1! I bet most comic book fans would read this as Issue #1 and hate it because people like to have their hands held and bottoms powdered as their full of shit opinions diapers are changed when they are being entertained. I suppose some changes would have to be made to this issue if it were the first one but not a lot. I mean, this one works due to the call backs to previous issues the Robins have had in their struggle. But even call backs to previous history can work when the reader isn't privy to that history. If only writers would write to the intelligent and the curious instead of making sure everything is understandable to every dull-witted, slack-jawed moron who might pick up a comic book, maybe first issues would be far more interesting far more often.

The Commentary!
Most of the New 52 comic books left in my stack are mediocre books that I'm not super interested in reading. I've kept a few in the mix that I'm looking forward to, books such as Legends of Tomorrow and whatever that Dark Knight one was that came out a couple of weeks ago. But mostly it's just boring crap. And I don't mean that the stack only got boring after I finally read Sinestro #23! The stack was super boring when that one was still in it! Here's what I've got left and how I feel about it:

Cyborg: I hope I don't fall asleep while reading about how dull Victor is.
Martian Manhunter: I hope I don't fall asleep while reading about how dull J'onn is.
Doctor Fate: I hope I don't shoot myself in the face so that I don't have to read about how dull Doctor Fate is.
Lumberjanes Loves Gotham Academy: Okay. I'm looking forward to this one! I can't wait to see why Kyle needed to bring his tennis racket to the woods!
Constantine: I forgot this was still in the stack. This is a decent reprieve from the shit I know is coming up after it.
Earth 2 Society: Oh! I hope they make Earth Too a better place! I'm so invested!
Black Canary: This comic book lost me when it went from Indie music scene to time travel sci-fi alien space opera. I know that sounds exciting but I guess Fletcher did it wrong.
Legends of Tomorrow: Sugar & Spike are my favorites.
Swamp Thing: This is like reading the old comic books I've been reading so I'll probably get confused about what year it is and have nightmares about picking a topic for my senior thesis.
New Suicide Squad: Oh! I forgot I finally like the Suicide Squad thanks to Tim Seeley. Maybe I should put this one on top of the stack!
Dark Knight Returns: The Last Crusade: I have no idea what this is. Batman or something.
Robin, Son of Batman: I really liked this before Fawkes took over. Now I just sort of kind of like it somewhat.
Teen Titans: This was pushed back because the New 52 Titans are horrible. But Bedard made them fun and interesting last month, so I won't be disappointed when I get to this.
Poison Ivy: Dull. So dull. Dullsville, man!
Gang of Harleys: I've had my fill of Harley. I've reached my Harley threshold.
Bitch Planet: I can't wait to read the back cover! Always so good!
Legend of Wonder Woman: This is a good Wonder Woman story with fantastic art but it still doesn't feel like a real comic book. I guess I have a bias against Digital First stories.
Bombshells: Speaking of digital first comics! The amount of Bombshells books I have just keeps growing and growing. For the reason why, see "Wonder Woman, Legend of".
Harley Quinn: Ugh. Even more Harley Quinn! Ugh! UGH!

So that's basically it. I didn't mention the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Daredevil because I'm mentioning them here instead for no reason.

Now that I've basically reached my target word count, I don't have to worry about saying anything about We Are Robin which I also find dull! I'm such a lazy cheater!

Although since I don't really have a word count and just write as much as comes to me as I read, I've really just written more than I had to.

You know what the death knell of interest is on the internet? "I've written more than I had to." People only want to read as little as they can get away with. You know what else is a good way to be irrelevant on the internet? Yeah, I don't know either or else I'd switch things up to stop being that!

Does anybody remember when I used to sprinkle sketches throughout my reviews? I wonder why I stopped doing that? I bet it has something to do with something I don't understand! Like my brain.

Here's a picture of Damian as a Robin that I drew in ten seconds. It isn't funny at all but it's thematic.

Cisco, also known as Redbird16 to people in his We Are Robin Group Chat, has recently learned that his father is terrible at business. Wayne Enterprises keeps bidding more reasonable bids to help rebuild Gotham in areas that can't afford bids that won't put other construction companies out of business. I mean, the other companies are going out of business even faster because Wayne Enterprises is taking all of their business. But it's not like they'd get the business with profitable bids anyway because most people in Gotham are poor due to Wayne Enterprises hogging all of the money. Could Batman fix Gotham simply by flying over the city and making it rain hundred dollar bills instead of what he usually does where he covers Gotham in a fine mist of his piss and blood? I know he only does that to save the day but it's still gross.

Because Cisco doesn't like seeing his father cry all of the time, he decides to take down Wayne Enterprises for the Greater Good. I guess Cisco's definition of the Greater Good is rationalizing his actions to seem to be helping the city while actually just trying to get his dad to stop being a baby. What kind of a grown man cries?! I mean because he's having business trouble. I don't mean like when a kitten is dying or he's watching The Bridges of Madison County.

I'm surprised there's still a thing as juvenile detention. If the scared morons of this country had their way, everybody would be tried as an adult. Let's just ruin all of the lives with our terrible policy of treating people who have made mistakes as irredeemably evil pieces of shit and then continue to pray to Jesus because we have no idea what that whole "cast the first stone" business was about anyway.

Isn't it odd the way Christians will believe that Jesus changed everything about the Old Testament when it comes to their own selfish salvation and how he died for their sins and they can be forgiven and redeemed for anything they've done (up to and including murder) as long as they accept Jesus as their lord and savior. And yet when they get the chance to condemn people to Hell for their sexuality without any chance of forgiveness, redemption, or salvation, they ignore Jesus's promise of redemption and label them as unforgivable abominations. Jesus wasn't making a point about how we're all sinners and who are we to judge because only god judges with that cast the first stone thing. That was an anti-death penalty argument for exactly the reason that sinners are allowed to redeem themselves and be forgiven. When you kill somebody, you take away their chance at redemption. And since everybody, according to Christianity, is a big dumb sinner until they accept Jesus, killing somebody takes away their chance to accept Jesus.

Don't fucking get me wrong and read that last paragraph as if I think queerness of any kind is a sin that needs to be redeemed, you want to be offended asshats. I'm just working through the logic through their own supposed system of logic and morality. I'm an atheist. And by atheist, I mean "somebody who knows The Bible better than most Christians who also isn't a judgmental bastard (unless I'm judging Christians and Muslims and Jews who treat the religion as religious as opposed to a cultural affectation and anybody else that puts an afterlife before this life (I mean, you can be those things and I don't fucking care. But don't expect people who aren't those things to follow your stupid fucking rules. As soon as you become that kind of religious person, I put on my black robes)).

Cisco doesn't want to have anything to do with illegal activity so he begins to walk. But then this guy Iggy who wears trucker caps non-ironically pipes up about how he's got a plan to rip off Bruce Wayne. Cisco's eyes light up and he's all, "That's the guy that made my old man cry!" That makes all the criminals uncomfortable and they look down into their Chinese food and begin shuffling their shoes and Iggy clears his throat and says, "That mean you're in, kid?" And Cisco is in because this issue began with him robbing Wayne's place.

Why this close-up of Riko's dildo? Will it be important later?!

Cisco drops a message to Shug about how he's breaking the law for all the right reasons. Those reasons are sticking it to that jerk Bruce Wayne for making his daddy cry! But he's not going to tell anybody else that after he saw how uncomfortable it made his new friends, the criminal gang. Shug is still working out but has she gotten into condition to actually take on more of an active role as a Robin? I hope so! Unless it means she's going to die!

Duke answers Shug's plea to the Robins with "what's ^." No question mark? And I'd argue it's quicker to type "up" than a carrot! That "6" key is in the worst position on the non-computer keys part of the keyboard! Although he's typing on a phone so I guess that's different. But he still has to change the keyboard he's using to get to the carrot! Just hit the u and the p, you poseur!

Shug does go out into the field this time and Dre is all, "Hey! You ain't fat! You look good!" She looked good before she started working out, Dre! Mostly because "comic book fat" is still really sexy and never unattractive. I'm not even sure "unattractive" exists in comic books unless the writer and artist are making a point about how evil a person is.

Cisco big score falls apart when his criminal gang find a "Nice try!" note in Bruce's safe and then Alfred walks in on them and asks if any of them would like some Justice Tea.

The Robins swing across to the Wayne building and none of them fall to their deaths because I guess they've all been working on their grip strength. And then the big fight begins! Action! More action! Some other action that's different than the first and second action! Throughout it all, Alfred manages to keep his hand covered so continuity nerds don't get all pissy about when this story takes place. Not that they aren't already pissy over when this story takes place. I think continuity nerds just read comics to find errors in continuity. It's their jam!

The issue ends with the Robins all jumping to their death because they don't have any experience at all with base-jumping and Alfred didn't give them any pointers on how to do it. Although Shug is smart enough to not strap a parachute to her back and jump to her death trying to stop a two-bit criminal. It's a bit ironic because the Narration calls back the whole bit about "the problem with youth is the inability to accept your own mortality" bit from Issue #1. I guess people are right because a bunch of Robins just splattered themselves across the streets of Gotham. Presumably! I mean, the series does end here! I think that's evidence that they all died. They just winked out of existence and their story ended. What a great ending!

No comments:

Post a Comment