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HJH Week 4 Dag 24 Herstel Geheime

Dag 24, Week 4:

Herstel Geheime...

maar eers n Herstelde Huweliks Getuienises

Haar Man het Heeltemal Verander!

Toe Erin onlangs n kerk besoek het, het die pastoor se vrou haar gevra of sy tyd het om n  vrou in hulle kerk te ontmoet. Op daardie oomblik, het n jong vrou skamerig opgestap en haarself voorgestel. Sy het gesê dat sy telke male daaraan gedink het om aan Restore Ministries te skryf maar haar getuienis was te lank om te skryf. 

Eileen het my vertel dat toe sy uitgevind het dat haar man by n ander vrou betrokke was, het sy in n diep depressie ingegaan. Sy het n vriendin gehad wat van Hoe God Jou Huwelik Sal en Kan Herstel gehoor en dit vir haar bestel.

Sy sê dat nadat sy die eerste hoofstuk gelees het sy soveel beter gevoel; sy het geweet dat dinge nie hopeloos was nie. Nadat sy die hele boek gelees het, het  sy die vrouens se werkboek bestel. Die eerste ding wat sy gedoen het was om op te hou om haar man te kontak.

In plaas daarvan het sy gesê sy het weke spandeer deur net die boeke oor en oor te lees en dit is wat haar verander het.

Alhoewel Eileen vir baie maande nie van haar man gehoor het nie, het hy tot haar verbasing, een aand oorgekom en haar vertel dat hy die verhouding met die ander vrou vir goed beeindig het. Hy het gesê dat hy absoluut lief was vir die nuwe vrou met wie hy getroud was waarvan hy van so baie ander mense gehoor het.

Dit het amper twee jaar gelede plaasgevind. Eileen se dat die wyse waarop haar man haar behandel het heeltemal verander. Sy manier was nooit teer of beminlik nie. Nou gaan hy in die dorp rond en spog by sy kliente om sy vrou te kontak as hulle wil hê dat hulle mans hulle moet adoreer. God is MEER AS IN STAAT om  gebroke harte heel te maak en die ONMOONTLIKE te doen!

~Eileen bly in Minnesota en is gelukkig HERSTEL!  


Herstel Geheime

Herstel is n baie moeilike reistog om op te gaan. MEESTE vrouens wat begin, droewiglik, maak nooit klaar nie.

“Ek het die goeie geveg afgelê; ek het die wenstreep bereik; ek het gelowig end-uit volgehou” -2 Timoteus 4:7

HOEKOM vrouens nie klaarmaak nie het die paar van ons wat die oorwinning behaal het stom geslaan. Elkeen van ons wou hê dat almal die 3 Geheime ken wat ons saamstem geblyk het asof dit die grootste nederlaag van vrouens was wat opgee en nooit klaarmaak nie.


Geheim #1 Moenie Verlore Raak Nie

Baie min kan die resitog alleen voltooi. Ongelukkig gryp vrouens na n vriend of n familie lid of hulle pastoor of berader-in die hoop dat hulle, hulle sal lei. Maar hoe kan enigiemand jou positief lei op n reistog waarop hulle self nooit was nie? Dit is soos n blinde wat n blinde lei.

Elkeen van ons het een ding geweet: Die ENIGSTE manier om by jou bestemming, jou herstel, uit te kom is deur SY hand vas te hou. Soos wat ons van die begin af gesê het, selfs meer as om die prinsiepe te volg wat ons jou geleer het, is die mees belangrikste ding om in jou intimiteit met die Here te groei

Elkeen van ons wat n herstelde huwelik ondervind het sal jou ook vertel dat ons dit nooit sou gemaak het sonder om n goeie padkaart te hê nie. Ons bronne: ons boeke en videos, is uit die Bybel dieselfde Bybel verse en beloftes en prinsiepe wat Hy vir elkeen van ons die lig op gewerp het.

“U woord is die lamp wat my die weg wys,die lig op my pad.”-Psalm 119:105

En om jou met jou reistog te help, wat vrouens wat voor jou gereis het nie gehad het nie, is hierdie nuwe lesse wat na jou toe gestuur is. Gaan jou Herstel Padkaart na (hierdie lesse) en belê jou tyd, om te weet in watter rigting jy gaan en om te leer wat Hy jou leer by elke stop.

Moet nie Oorhaastig wees nie

Geliefde Bruide, ek weet hoe moeilik dit somtyds kan wees om te verstaan hoekom ons deur soveel moeisaamheid moet gaan. As ek terugkyk na sommige van die baie moeilike tye, kan ek sien dat hulle uitgedraai het om van my grootste seëninge te wees. Hy is regtig so goed en is baie lief vir jou.

Ek word herinner toe my pa my vertel het dat ek “nie oorhaastig moet wees om groot te word nie.” Ek het dwaaslik nie geluister nie en gedoen watookal ek kon om na die volgende stadium van die lewe te hardloop.

Die hoofstuk “What’s the Point?” vanuit “Living the Abundant Life” het gehelp om my te herinner dat n herstelde huwelik nie ons primêre doel in die lewe is nie. Ek is lief vir hoe Michele sê dat dit te voorskyn kom dat alleenlik die met HHG die wenners is. Ek het dwaaslik vroeg in my HR dieselfde ding gedink. My hele fokus was om elke les te doen sodat ek n herstel kon verdien. Selfs onlangs na n tydelike herstel het ek n bietjie gesukkel met die gevoel dat ek op n manier gefaal het om weereens herstel te verloor. Ek het gedink dat as ek miskien my gevoelens meer met my AM gedeel het of hom meer gehelp het met sy worsteling sou ek verhoed het dat hy gaan.

Noudat my AM vir die laaste twee maande weg is en amper 3 jaar na sy oorspronklike vertrek, kan ek nie help maar om so n vrede en dankbaarheid teenoor Hom te voel nie. Dit is deurdat ek my eie wil vir Syne neergelê het dat ek finaal n lewe lei wat vry is van skaamte en seerkry.

Dit is deur my verwydering oor en oor dat ek meer na Hom toe gedraai het. Hy het my veilig in sy arm en ek hoef nie die vure te vrees wat kom nie. Ek het nou soveel meer alleentyd om saam Hom te spandeer. :) Hy maak my gereeld wakker om die sonsopkoms te sien en tyd in Sy lewende woord te spandeer. Ek het tyd om saam my jongste dogter te spandeer om haar te vorm en vir haar te sorg. Ek voel finaal vry en werklik lewendig!! Ek jaag nie meer die wind na en probeer om die volgende goeie ding te bereik nie.

Dit was in hierdie seisoen van verwydering wat ek finaal vry gevoel het!! Dit het gekom deur die getroude lewe te verloor wat ek gedink het my gelukkig sou maak om finaal te besef dat ek gelukkig is hier en waar ek op die oomblik is!! Ek het die lewe gevind wat Hy wou gehad het ek moes lewe voelvry en lig. Ek voel soos n kind sonder n kommer in die wereld. :) Ek dink aan al die jare waarin ek myself vereer het oor my self motivering waar dit regtig so n moeilike tydperk was. Ek het gedink ek het alles onder beheer. Ek het my AM gedruk om te baklei vir toesig van sy dogter. Dit het my eintlik kompassie vir die AV gegee toe ek hoor sy druk vir die egskeiding en die verkoop van ons huis. Sy streef eenvoudig vrede na en dink dat dit sal kom deur wat om haar omgaan te beheer. Ek was dieselfde!

Here, ek is lief vir Jou en dankie dat U my so baie lief het dat U my gekies het om so baie te verduur. U het my die hele pad beskerm. Help my om voort te gaan om my wil vir u sin neer te lê. Help my om my gedagtes en woorde te lei. Ek wil selfs nader aan U wees.

Dames, ek bemoedig julle om hierdie boek te lees!! Dit het my werklik gehelp om te sien dat alles wat ons deurmaak regtig n doel dien en dat die ware lewens voorbeelde hierin jou sal help om te sien dat Hy jou deur enigiets kan dra!

“Toe sê Jesus vir sy dissipels: “As iemand agter My aan wil kom, moet hy homself verloën, sy kruis opneem en My volg, want wie sy lewe wil behou, sal dit verloor; maar wie sy lewe ter wille van My verloor, sal dit terugkry” (Matteus 16:25)

Deur ons eie wil vir Sy wil neer te le is wanneer ons finaal die ware lewe beleef.


Geheim #2 Pak Lig

Jy kan dit nie tot by die wenpaal haal as jy te veel saam met jou dra nie. Meeste vrouens voel dat hulle, hulle mans, hulle huwelik, hulle probleme en n klomp sondes saam hulle moet dra. As jy jou man, jou huwelik, al jou probleme, n klomp bekommernis, of enige sondes saam met jou dra-sal jy dit nooit maak nie.

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us RUN with ENDURANCE the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith...so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” —Hebrews. 12:1-3.


Here’s the thing all of us learned: When you let go you can get a lot farther in a much shorter amount of time and with energy to spare! 

Also, by letting go of your marriage and husband, it gives your husband the opportunity to find his way to the pig sty, realize his mistakes and sins (just as God has allowed you to do), and come to the place of repentance. In addition, you know it means you are giving him time to also invest into the relationship, which is what Eileen in Minnesota said she did!

Read all about the principles you need to know within the story of the Prodigal son in Luke 15:11-14.

Unless your husband has the opportunity of realizing his mistakes, with something motivating him to change, he never will. Another reason is because if you stick around in his life, he is going to continue to blame you. And even if your husband should come back, he will also bring his sins back home with him! This can mean him still wanting the other woman (or whatever else lured him away), or simply still being attracted to other women (or sins), finding someone or something new shortly after his return.

God wants the BEST for you, but you will never find the best when you hang onto what He wants you to let go of. Let go and give your husband to the Lord, then promise yourself you will no longer focus on your marriage or what your husband is doing or not doing. Most women find that when they completely let go is when their husband begins to pursue them! 

However, don’t lose your focus, keep on your journey with the resolve that you want to win, staying on the course, so you will gain the prize of a new marriage and a transformed husband.


Once your husband has realized the error of his ways (just as you have), God will orchestrate you to meet again, together, at your desired destination—at the appointed time. Tomorrow's Restored Marriage will show you how Vicky did just that!

“Then the LORD answered me and said, ‘Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets, that the one who reads it may run. For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.” —Habakkuk 2:2-3.

But this will only happen when YOU are free to focus on what YOU need to change so that your husband is free to focus on what he needs to change in himself. And please do not foolishly tell your husband what he needs to change (or tell anyone what he needs to change) because that log in your eye will blur your vision of the finish line.


Also, each and every time you speak or even hint at what your husband needs to change, what he has done or is doing wrong, or what he needs to change, you are building a hate wall that will make his feelings for you wax cold to the point of loathing you.

“You [Lord] have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness. You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.” —Psalm 88:8,18 

Secret #3 You need to understand how to Establish Strong & Lasting Relationships

When we begin any new relationship it is important that we are careful to make sure that each party is encouraged to INVEST equally into the relationship.

In almost ALL the relationships today, women are the ones who give the MOST—and are often the ONLY ones who give!

The results have been heartbreaking and I am sure this is what you are experiencing right now! The reason this happens is due to simply not realizing how dangerous this is and how to avoid making this mistake.

Even though most of us have experienced the pain of the other party walking out on us and telling us that he completely wants out of our relationship, we do the exact opposite of what would turn this around. Instead, we just repeat this pattern over and over and over again making things even worse and more and more painful.

Here is what you need to understand. When someone invests a LOT while the other person invest little to NOTHING, it is extremely easy for the one who has not invested into the relationship to leave—since they have nothing to lose. And when that party leaves, the other (we) are devastated since WE had everything to lose!

Trying to protect ourselves is not the answer either. You'll need to learn and then apply the knowledge you're about to learn. You can either embrace this truth or reject it, but at some point the pain usually will drive each of us to do what we learned, what will work, and what will save us from any more excruciating pain.

"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge— Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you"—Hosea 4:6

Why or How Does this Happen?

Why do so many men NOT invest into personal relationships. Because they don't have to!

They don't need to be investing anything because we do all the investing. In other words, it's because we leave NO ROOM and NO TIME for them TO invest!

While we are busy doing ALL the GIVING, the other person is far too busy TAKING, leaving them no room and no time and no desire to give anything back!

And because we never stop giving, which is called WAITING for them to give back (waiting is something God tries to teach us a LOT about), we never give the other person TIME to invest into the relationship.

Even now you are probably the only party seeking help to know what to do to save or restore your relationship. Am I right?

What you need to do is to make ROOM for the other person in the relationship to make INVESTMENTS. And what you need to GIVE them is TIME to invest. If they don't want to, or never get around to it, more than likely they never will—especially if we leave no room and no time.

*There is a God-given remedy for men who don't WANT to invest into a relationship, which you will learn in a later lesson. However the remedy will ONLY work if you take this first step by waiting and making room—giving the other person TIME.

When relationships begin this way (with you doing most of or all the giving) it's a good indication that at some point in time, maybe sooner than you thought, you found the other person wanting out of the relationship and you found yourself hurt— used and abused. And if you continue along this same course, I promise it will happen again and again and again.

Most women deal with the imbalance of their relationship by becoming so hurt and messed up (and often take medication hoping it will help, but it only makes everything much worse) or they become so hardened and bitter, which affects every other relationship in their lives (as if a bad marriage is not bad enough to deal with).

Steps you Can Take to Set you & others Free

John 8:32—
So you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

To make room for your husband to INVEST into your relationship, begin with your Facebook page and/or your Profile Picture associated with your email account.

Set yourself and your husband free by REMOVING pictures of your husband, by himself or with you.


If you're husband is involved with another woman, by removing yourself as her "competition" you'll find the OW will stop trying so hard to secure your husband as her own. The truth is, he is your husband, therefore you don't need to fight to keep him. (See Exodus 14:13 and Proverbs 3:4-6)

Instead, keeping pictures is a sign that you're not willing to let go, which makes a man (who wants to be free) do more to get rid of you.


One way the OW can hurt you, or your husband will use in order to force you to let go, is by posting pictures of the "so-called" happy couple. The truth is, sin is only pleasurable for a season, which is how the enemy gets us caught in sin, but later that same sin will torment us.

Refuse to be tormented or to do something dangerous to your Restoration Journey and get rid of your Facebook page. Later, after Restoration, you and your husband can TOGETHER build a page yourself for the world to see and read your Testimony!

If you're serious about crossing the finish line in your Restoration Journey, then let go of what will trip you up or slow you down.



A recent article sited: U.S. divorce attorneys agree that Facebook is increasingly becoming a factor in marriage destruction:

If you dislike being married, then log on to Facebook and watch it be destroyed.

The social network was implicated in a third of all divorce filings last year, according to Divorce-Online, a survey by a legal service.

In the old days, tracking down an old flame or love interest could take weeks and require investigative legwork.

Now an affair is just a click away and the consequences -- what happens online, cannot be erased from online -- can be permanent and devastating.

“Social networking has become the primary tool for communication and is taking over from text and e-mail in my opinion,” a Divorce-Online spokesperson said in a statement. “If someone wants to have an affair or flirt with the opposite sex then that's the easiest place to do it."

Authors on a book about Facebook and Marriage destruction warn about how the site can toss a monkey wrench in an otherwise happy marriage.

“People feel bolder behind a screen than in person,” the couple wrote on their blog. “People type and press ‘Send’ faster than common sense can kick in, and people feed off the rush they’re feeling rather than rationally thinking about what they’re doing.’"

Also, if there is another woman, the OW is going to fight harder to hold onto your husband IF you show you are still holding on to him. And as the saying says "A PICTURE is worth a thousand words" so if you still have your husband or ex in a Profile picture in your email or any other place—REMOVE it and watch the OW lessen her hold on your husband. 

* Even if there is not another woman, holding onto any man makes him try to get away.

Later on, during your 2nd Course "Renewing Your Mind" we will encourage you to set up a Gmail account that will allow you to focus fully on your Restoration Journey, by setting up a new email account.

This is a Safe Location where you can receive your Encouragers, Lesson Forms, and any other RMI ministry emails are sent to. Then later when you begin to Rebuild, it is where you and your ePartner can safely email each other.

This is also a preventive solution since often husbands have access to their wife's email addresses. Don't let the enemy trip you up, because he will try.

Here is the link to get ahead of the rest and prevent encumbrances or the usual schemes that we are not ignorant of (see 2 Corinthians 2:11the enemy frequently uses to stop or slow down your Restoration.

Sign Up for Gmail - mail.google.com‎

In order to teach you the many principles and learning the CORRECT way of having a solid relationship, which is actually how God led us to set up our entire RRR—in order to teach you the right way to Establish a Strong Relationship—we have already started you off to experience just how it's done:

FIRST we offered or invested in you—by giving you encouragement on our website. Then we made room for YOU to invest into our relationship by filling out the Marriage Evaluation Questionnaire.

Then WE invested into the relationship again by offering you our eBooks as our GIFT, and made room for YOU to invest in our relationship by reading the books, writing down what you learned, and then we WAITED until YOU contacted US by filling out your first form.

Now, stop and read that again.

Look at how we made ROOM for you to invest in our newly established relationship. If we were to give too much, not allowing you to invest back so that we were mutually and willingly to BOTH investing in, then one of us would soon be hurt or offended, which ultimately would destroy or end our relationship—because we didn't leave the other (who invested more) offended or hurt.

Let's keep using this relationship as an example and watch how it began to grow. Once we received your book review forms, we again INVESTED into our relationship by offering you this 30-day Restoration Journey, which now keeps us in daily contact—but ONLY if you pour out your heart into EACH and every form.

Join the Victory!
Restoration Journeys are not a spectator sport!
Pour out your heart into every Lesson Form!

BECAUSE without submitting a form, 
it means you will not be assigned an 
during the Rebuilding Phase of your Restoration Journey.

IN ADDITION, we are also training you to understand the natural ways of men who says LESS than women like to say. This is why we are often SILENT and are trained to say LITTLE so you begin to understand what drove your husband away.

Please read how often the Bible warns us in: Proverbs 21:9Proverbs 21:19Proverbs 27:15 and especially: 

Proverbs 30:21-24— "Under three things the earth is disquieted, and under four it cannot bear up . . . An unloved and repugnant [opposed or contrary, as in nature or character] woman when she [finally] marries."

Are you beginning to see how making room for others, and understanding the way men deal with us, needs to be practiced in our [yours and RMIEW] newly established relationship in order for your marriage relationship to work once or as it is being restored?

Now here is a key point, if at any time there is a break in us hearing from you [by way of lesson forms and praise reports] we will WAIT to hear rather than to rush ahead and find ourselves not making room for you to invest in our newly-formed relationship.

In the very same way this is what you MUST do with the relationship you are here to RESTORE. More than likely, due to YOU being the only party who made ongoing investment, you are going to have to completely REFRAIN and stop contacting your husband again until he contacts you FIRST—no matter how long and no matter what enemy tactics are used to tempt you that you have to. Because each time you do, you will cut even more emotional ties he has for you, and, any positive feelings he may still have, that are currently buried, will die.

Restoration is a Journey, and journeys that change people's lives take TIME. And though it is going to take time, it will be time well spent— IF you still want to establish a strong and LASTING relationship and experience a restored marriage. The choice is completely up to you.

You don't understand, it was ME who didn't invest.

There are always a few of you who will not be able to totally relate to each and every lessons. We do our best to cover the most COMMON situations we see in our forms; however there are always so many variables it would be impossible to cover them all.

To remedy this, we always read everything submitted in our forms in order to improve our lessons by revising them each time a new group goes through the course.

So it is with this lesson: If it was YOU who did NOT invest in the marriage, then this lesson can simply be applied in REVERSE. Begin to INVEST now.

STOP and think. When someone is hurt or angry, who has asked to be left alone, then the most important thing NOW is to HONOR and respect where they are NOW. No matter what, we can't go back, however, we can always move forward.

Those of you who need to do the investing in your marriage, but your investment would no longer be welcomed, then this is when you can INVEST into others! While you wait for GOD to open the door for you to have the opportunity to invest in your marriage (or former marriage)!! God will see this and HONOR you by opening a small door to invest in the near future.

This is very much like when you learn you were "supposed to submit" to a husband who is no longer living with you or you even have contact with. God will witness when you begin submitting to Him and to others in authority.

In the same way, if you were "supposed to invest" in a marriage that is now separated or divorced, then invest in another relationship AND help others who still are able to invest in their own marriages. Encourage them to invest before it is too late for them!

God will see this and HONOR you by opening a small door to invest in the near future. I can guarantee it only because I know God so well and have seen Him do amazing things when He witnesses a heart who wants to do what is right.

RMIEW and Restoration Fellowship

We invested in you, 
so we hope you've invested back into our relationship 
by submitting your lesson forms.

If not, you will probably get an email from us when you're ready to move onto the next Course, that reads something like this:

Dear Friend,

Thank you for applying for Course 2: Renewing Your Mind.

We’re writing because our records show that we have received no/very few “What I Have Learned” lesson forms.

* We want you to know you are free to move on, but that you understand this means you won’t be assigned an ePartner during the Rebuilding phase due to our Fellowship Ministers not being able to witness your growth.

This page explains more:

Join the Victory!

Don't just watch. 

Pour out your heart into your Lesson Forms every DAY!

The choice is yours, whether to move ahead and not really be connected to RMIEW and Restoration Fellowship OR to go back and fill out the forms.

**Just make sure that you don’t rush through just to “turn in an assignment” because that won’t work and you’d be wasting your time.

Instead, STOP right now and seek God for wisdom to know what to do.


“But if any of you lacks wisdom let him ask of God who gives it to men liberally.” James 1:5.

Next, claim double for this error because He is longing to bless you.

Isaiah 30:18—


If you were unaware of our instructions, He wants to bless you:

“I hate robbery . . . And I will faithfully give them their recompense And make an everlasting covenant with them...Instead of your shame you will have a DOUBLE portion”— Isaiah 61:8. 7

If you knew and ignored our instructions—He still wants to bless you:

“Speak kindly . . . And call out to her, that her warfare has ended, that her iniquity has been removed, that she has received of the LORD'S hand DOUBLE for all her sins”—Isaiah 40:2

Let us know what He’s led you do do by taking the NEXT step (NOT by writing back):

Your 2 choices are:

1. WAIT for the lesson to start, and just continue as you have been, and when we still don’t get any lesson forms, we will document this in your file and leave you alone :) OR

2. Go back and begin pouring your heart into each lesson form. Then submit them and we’ll know to watch your progress—knowing your intent is to be assigned an ePartner during your Rebuilding phase.

** And if you do have questions, ask the Lord, remember that’s the point of these lessons and the foundation of this ministry and every restored marriage.


RRR Ministry Team

Secret #4 Truth will Set You Free

The final secret helped most of us find the endurance we needed to let go, travel light, and stay on the course. It was revealed in the above principle. Though we felt and others told us, including and especially our husbands, that he left or found someone else because he no longer had the same feelings for us, the TRUTH is/was, that it was GOD who removed them and made us an object of loathing to them! 

Read the verse again with this truth in mind:


Read the truth again in this verse:


It will be the TRUTH, not what anyone else says or what you feel. And it’s not even what you believe you SEE!

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things NOT seen. —Hebrews 11:1

By knowing and studying the TRUTH, which is ONLY found in what God says, in His Word, will you be FREE to finish the course, receive the prize in a Restored Marriage of your own!

“...and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." —John 8:32

If you are ready to make this commitment to GOD, by CLICKING HERE you've agreed, and are ready to document this part of your Restoration Journey in your "My Daily Journal" form.
