Friday, April 6, 2018

#548 Roaring in the Wind

A tad late--February 27th was the day this was written-- but with traveling, life and etc. etc. etc.
it was never posted.
My two sisters.  Kathy is on the left.
Today we tackled an extremely steep hiking trail while the wind attempted to blow us all the way to Kansas.  The beginning of the hike was a real bum burner but as we continued it wasn't quite as demanding so allowed reflecting on a variety of topics and events that transpired in the past few weeks.

My first reflective thoughts were about my sister who would have celebrated her sixty-fourth birthday today.  I imagined this hike was right up her alley as we fought with the wind blasts and hanging on to our hats so they weren't blown off.  It was her kind of day and I felt her presence step after step on the climb.

On the downward portion of the trail my thoughts turned to a conversation I was involved in last weekend.  The details are long and boring but the gist of the discussion focused on me and all I heard was how "bravely" I'm dealing with a cancer diagnosis and "My, you are such an inspiration".

A big cringe on my part as I bit my tongue, smiled and thanked them for their kind words...but then I thought about what was said.  Why does this bug me so much and make me want to roll my eyes and feel like gagging when people are only being kind?

I'll dissect this layer by layer starting with the inspiration part.  I certainly don't feel very inspirational--all I did was get cancer and how in the hell does that inspire anyone?   But then looking at it from another angle, could I inspire people in how I am living my life?  Yes, cancer is a shit storm no one wants to weather but what if my actions encourage others to successfully manage their own life's shit storm? With that said, I will work on energizing others simply by being the best that I can be.  That is the lesson.  All of us are a guiding light in one way or another so the next time someone tells me I am an inspiration, I will counter by telling them, "Right back at you".

Now, the brave comment is another one of those phrases that makes me squirm. I can honestly state the fact that I am not brave.  Not even close to it.  Some days I am scared shitless dealing with this diagnosis and on other days only half scared.  But brave?  I think not.  Lions are brave.  What gives them that bold description?   We know they roar ferociously,  sometimes are unbelievably savage and can attack you if you have what they want--a tasty meal already dressed (as in your whole body).  At least that's what I think of a lion.  Although, there is the Wizard of Oz lion...but I digress.

From this day forward I now resolve to accept the brave label because when I advocate I do roar and savagely question politicians to give more. Maybe I won't attack anyone who won't listen, but will definitely speak my mind when it comes to raising more money for Stage IV. There will be no more eye rolling on my part only a smile on my face and a very sincere but humble thank you to those acknowledging what I am doing.  ROOOAAAARRRRR!

To join in the roaring go to More For Stage IV and donate today.

Thanks for reading #548 of 7777.