top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]delpigeon 25.0k points25.0k points 2 (600 children)

Worst case I’ve ever had, I basically gave every verbal cue I knew of, eventually stood up, then stood in the doorway, then backed out of the doorway.... and this dude was still talking. In the end I just said ‘I’ll be back’ and closed the door on him mid-sentence.

[–]elf-y 7568 points7569 points  (329 children)

My dad’s like this. When I was a kid/teenager he’d follow me to every room of the house talking.

If I went to the bathroom he’d stand outside and continue talking to me through the door. If I had to leave, like to go to school, I would literally leave the house and he’d stand in the doorway and continue talking as I walked down the path and out of sight. He still does this when I go back home to visit!

It wouldn’t be so bad if he’d actually be willing to have a conversation. But he only talks at you. If you try and say anything, he just talks over you as if you haven’t said a thing.

ETA: So far in the replies my dad has been armchair-diagnosed with autism, bipolar disorder, hyper-manic disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and goodness knows what else.

He doesn’t have a mental illness. He talks a lot. It’s just a quirk and I wouldn’t have him any other way. If I could also stop being accused of not loving him/appreciating him and being told I’ll miss him when he’s dead, that’d be grand.

[–]Serious-Mode 1521 points1522 points  (56 children)

I really don't understand people who just talk at you. It drives me crazy.

[–]Sunnyshine0609 310 points311 points  (27 children)

My son is like this. I don’t know how to get him to stop. It sends me to a bad place.

[–]Serious-Mode 138 points139 points  (3 children)

Same except it's my mom.

Not sure how old your son is, but I know when I was younger I could easily get excited about something and talk my parents ear off without ever thinking if they cared or trying to actually engage in a conversation with them. I grew out of it. You have hope.

[–]cat17839474 3568 points3569 points  (55 children)

So? Did you go back?

[–]PrestigiousPath 4433 points4434 points  (46 children)

He's still waiting.

[–]EthelMaePotterMertz 3091 points3092 points  (29 children)

And still talking.

[–]zenthr 895 points896 points  (20 children)

You know, he hasn't waited this long since that one time back in....

[–]DeadSharkEyes 16.3k points16.3k points  (287 children)

Mental health worker here. I see patients every day who will talk forever if you don't stop them. You simply have to interrupt and redirect/or end the conversation. I always politely tell them, "let me stop you there" or "Let me jump in there". Sometimes you have to be abrupt or else you will be held hostage by the one sided conversation.

[–]typoeman 3663 points3664 points  (209 children)

I know its dubious to ask advise over Reddit but, it this a sign of declining mental health? I know a hand full of people who are very far along in life and I could tell them I have to go because my house is burning down and they're have to tell me two more stores about how "margrets house burned down in 65 and she made the best soup and blah blah blah".

edit so, from the comments I've gathered that talking a lot can be a sign of mental illness but it isn't at all an exclusive cause. I'm complaining but ill let my grandma ramble for an hour before interrupting. She isn't hurting anyone and letting her talk makes her happy. I'm young so I have plenty of time to spend on others.

[–]DeadSharkEyes 2791 points2792 points  (159 children)

Not always. Those who are manic or who have ADHD can talk excessively, or sometimes it's just an anxious response. Some people just talk a lot.

I have a good friend who is very down to earth and (as far as I've always been aware) mentally stable, but the girl can TALK. Like my eyes will be glazing over and she will just keep talking. I just think she has so much to say she can't keep it in! Her whole family is the same way.

[–]zzaannsebar 1525 points1526 points  (111 children)

Person with ADHD chiming in here that it is a very real problem for us. Rambling and tangents are almost impossible to avoid in conversation unless you've rehearsed it in your head first.

Edit: Since this comment has gained a ton of traction, I want to take a moment to give a shout out to r/adhd which is an amazingly supportive community.

Here is one resource about ADHD symptoms and diagnosis criteria That article does not have an exhaustive list and ADHD manifests in each person different and in different severities. It is highly underdiagnosed in women and especially adult women. If you think you have ADHD but you're not sure, look at diagnosis requirements, talk to your friends/relatives about related symptoms, but most importantly, make an appointment with a psychiatrist to get tested because they're the only ones who can say for sure.

Edit 2: Also someone gave me gold I guess? Cool thanks random stranger! My first gold :D (and the obligatory edit to say thanks)

[–]IamNotPersephone 623 points624 points  (63 children)

Yup, seconding. If you know a person has ADHD, and they’re self-aware enough, you can come right out and tell them to stop taking. I’d rather someone tell me to shut up and walk away still liking me, than let me ramble and (eventually) walk away thinking I’m an ass or a boor.

[–]zzaannsebar 388 points389 points  (35 children)

Absolutely! One of my big problems is retelling stories. I have a pretty terrible memory so I won't remember if I tell someone a story. I hate it when people let me finish retelling a story and then let me know I already told them. Like please! Don't let me waste your time with a story you've already heard! Just say something like "oh yeah! You told me this. [thing] happened right?" and my feelings will not be hurt at all.

[–]i_fuckin_luv_it_mate 7911 points7912 points 2 (50 children)

"Ssshh! Do you hear that??"


"One Sec", and just run off

[–]xdisk 2362 points2363 points  (20 children)

As a parent, this actually happens.

[–]verminiusrex 35.1k points35.1k points  (964 children)

I'm an Uber driver, I was once summoned to pick up two people for just this reason. They had me drive four blocks/.25 miles/1.5 minutes to another bar just to get out of a conversation with someone. Minimum fare ($3.75) and $10 tip on the app.

[–]SwimmingforDinner 3971 points3972 points  (346 children)


On the flipside of that, there's a small subset of uber drivers that seem to do it because it allows them to get a captive audience for conversation and just won't shut. the. fuck. up. for an entire ride. It's one of the few things that'll cause me to knock a star or two off of their rating. You're my uber driver, we're unlikely to ever meet again but you do know where I live and that I'm not home tonight. You don't need to know how many kids I have or how I met my wife.

[–]joeygladst0ne 3472 points3473 points  (228 children)

I've been saying for years that Uber/Lyft need to add a "quiet mode" option for when you don't feel like engaging in conversation with the driver. I've had some friendly drivers where I didn't mind the conversation, but I've also had a few that I rated lower because they wouldn't shut the fuck up.

Most recently I was taking an Uber to LAX airport and this lady was ranting about punishing her kid because he ate the entire pack of bologna at home, leaving none for his sister. Literally for an entire hour I had to listen about this fuckin bologna drama. It was unbearable.

[–]ChowderCat 1374 points1375 points  (118 children)

You’re in luck. They rolled out a quiet mode a few months ago.

[–]your_fish_monger 1163 points1164 points  (109 children)

As part of "UberComfort." Which then costs a 30-50% premium over an UberX ride. Why UberX cars don't need to be comfortable or have drivers that you can't request will shut the hell up is beyond me.

[–]BandigoP 750 points751 points  (27 children)

Here in Toronto, you can pay for the new Comfort mode that lets you choose if you want the driver to talk or not, alongside AC temperature.

Although...the driver I got looked at those preferences and continued talking...

[–]Beach_Shoes 898 points899 points  (18 children)

I shouldn't have to pay to have someone not talk to me.

[–]RegularDress 892 points893 points  (6 children)

You're not. You're paying to not have to tell them not to talk to you

[–]chuckymcgee 328 points329 points  (6 children)

Uber Black now has a "quiet preferred" option you can set as a default in app so drivers in advance know you don't want to chat.

[–]DandySamberg 11.2k points11.2k points  (501 children)

I would gladly tip $10 to get me out of a terrible, inescapable conversation. Just curious, did the app add the $10, or did they choose to tip that amount?

[–]Coopering 6644 points6645 points  (464 children)

The tip is voluntary and user-set.

[–]luleigas 4490 points4491 points  (459 children)

Else it would not be a tip, it'd be the price.

[–]LeMarcusKing 23.5k points23.5k points 22 (216 children)

"I have to return some video tapes"

[–]modernAgeTomorrow 290 points291 points  (5 children)

"I have an 8:30 rez at Dorsia"

[–]PrincessLink 180 points181 points  (0 children)


[–]nikhilbhavsar 6198 points6199 points  (63 children)

"But Blockbuster closed years ago!" continues talking

[–]alex_exuro 3738 points3739 points  (32 children)

"oh no, blockbuster didn't have these video tapes" winks

[–]TheSushiColony1 1759 points1760 points  (26 children)

"wait, then how did you get them?" continues talking

[–]humanPerson001 931 points932 points  (11 children)

Welp. Looks like I'm going back to anger management classes.

[–]buckus69 1071 points1072 points  (19 children)

"I have to watch an Amazon rental before it expires."

[–]WunWegWunDarWun_ 755 points756 points  (22 children)

Lol I love this one. I’ve used it a few times but no one ever gets it and I just look like a weirdo

[–]CTMalum 374 points375 points  (0 children)

I think that just completes the desired effect

[–]onlyformemes_3 290 points291 points  (18 children)

I love American Psycho

[–]FaptainAwesome 107 points108 points  (12 children)

I just rewatched it for the thousandth time earlier today. I opened Netflix and saw it was available to watch and remembered that I was talking to the woman I've been seeing the other day and she asked what my favorite movie was. Without any hesitation I said American Psycho. We're still seeing each other, surprisingly.

[–]p1um5mu991er 24.7k points24.7k points  (579 children)

I don't mean to interrupt but--

It's got to be done, so just do it. They need a break anyway

[–]Tzpike05 7811 points7812 points  (271 children)

This is the right answer. You simply need to interrupt them, apologize for doing so and let them know you need to do something else.

[–]Eric_the_Barbarian 5375 points5376 points  (179 children)

Which is still a little awkward, because I don't actually have something else to do. I just want to do nothing without having to listen to them.

[–]Strawberrycocoa 12.9k points12.9k points 23 (117 children)

Just because you don't have other plans for your time, does not mean other people are entitled to have your time.

[–]bkn1090 1951 points1952 points  (19 children)

This is really important for everyone to understand

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 4393 points4394 points  (40 children)

"I hate to disturb you, of course," he expressed -
He begged for forgiveness and stared at him stressed.
"I hate to disturb you," he said to him pained -

"... it's just that you won't fucking stop," he explained.

[–]Tiegra_Summerstar 242 points243 points  (12 children)

This is me and my new, much younger co-worker. I can't make it stop. Sure we have downtime, but do I really have to spend it listening to you?

[–]EdrickStorm 153 points154 points  (3 children)

Yeah I just make something up and say it really sweetly with a smile, and say that I'm really sorry and I wish I could hear them another time. People who go on like that are rarely sensitive to social cues so they won't lose any sleep over if you were being rude or genuine.

[–]cortechthrowaway 1503 points1504 points  (133 children)

And remember, from the other guy's perspective, this is commonplace. You may never end conversations this way, but for him, almost every conversation (eventually) ends this way.

I've had a couple friends who could talk at you as if the words were being forced from their mouth by hydraulic pressure. And I felt awkward the first couple times I cut them off, but eventually I realized--they don't take it personally. They don't even notice.

By strange coincidence, both were retired Navy.

[–]rocked_licker 212 points213 points  (7 children)

My dads retired navy too...he can’t handle a second of silence.

[–]_Squirrel_Fucker 584 points585 points  (37 children)

"I don't mean to interrupt but-I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT"

[–]IguanaTapThatAxolotl 306 points307 points  (10 children)

I usually go for "I'm sorry, but I really have to pee." Works on almost everyone (I've had it not work on only one person, and I have literally had to just walk away from her). Everyone at work thinks I have bladder issues, but I'm okay with that.

[–]stripeypinkpants 316 points317 points  (58 children)

This only works when people have social awareness and let you go.

People who just keep talking and talking and talking are the ones who need to be interrupted and even then, they still manage to blab on for another half hour

[–]sothatshowyougetants 259 points260 points  (16 children)

The people who will hear you say 'sorry I actually have to go now' and will go 'yeah, so anyway-' and continue talking for another 5 minutes.. jesus christ, it's not like you're slowly pressing the brakes to eventually come to a stop at the red light. If I said I need to go now, the conversation ends immediately. How the fuck do people not get that.

[–]SwimmingforDinner 157 points158 points  (2 children)


As a corollary... If I say I have to leave at 8:00 I don't mean "at 8:00 we should ask for the bill and start saying long extended goodbyes to everyone so that we actually leave at 8:45". I mean I have to leave at 8.

[–]PmYourTopComment 221 points222 points  (28 children)

I have a co-worker like this. I say "cool, I need to get back to work now" at least 10 times in a conversation and she doesn't listen nor does she leave. I tend to turn around and just do my work but since my work involves a lot of calling people to book appointments I can't do it while shes calling so I just look at peoples schedules and plan the next things I need to do but it looks like I'm just scrolling for the sake of looking busy and she won't leave.

[–]rkjjhv 234 points235 points  (11 children)

Maybe try actually picking up the phone and dialing next time. If the coworker keeps talking through that, that would be incredible.

[–]rusty0123 123 points124 points  (7 children)

I've found that using a physical prop helps. If you're at work, pick up a folder or something. If you're in a social setting, you need a refill or pick up something to take to another guest.

[–]sothatshowyougetants 151 points152 points  (5 children)

Yes. I've worked in offices for years now and I think I have nailed it when it comes to getting away from people who talk at you nonstop. This one lady did it all the time but in the last year I've noticed she rarely ever talks to me anymore. I feel blessed. I wasn't rude, but anytime she cornered me I'd literally just grab a mug or a paperclip or ANYTHING and start walking away with it.

[–]Peaceful_enough 185 points186 points  (0 children)

And never feel bad that you have to do it, because your time is important too. They don't get to monopolize it.

[–]Pyre_Aurum 10.8k points10.8k points  (88 children)


[–]snow-bunnie 367 points368 points  (1 child)

You’re welcome... Lester.

[–]D_K_Schrute 2495 points2496 points  (59 children)

I dont know who this Ron Swanson guy is but I like him. In a nonsexual way of course.

[–]diadiktyo 1508 points1509 points  (35 children)

You must be his best friend, then. You guys still never talk sometimes?

[–]slimsalmon 710 points711 points  (30 children)

I realize in the past my favorite friends and family members are usually the ones who don't call me and don't want anything. If they do get in touch, it's because they be realized they stumbled on to something they know I'd really be interested in. Non communicative best friends are the best. You know they have your back even when you haven't paid the social dues others demand in exchange for their trust and friendship.

[–]Boyleingbass 34.3k points34.3k points  (785 children)

I read one of those mildly interesting newspaper features recently with an 'etiquette expert', their advice was rather than make an excuse, you should be more direct that you are ending the conversation and say something like "I've really enjoyed talking with you, I'm going to circulate around the room now" as it's less likely to create an expectation you might come back. It does work too!

[–]baldengineer 2963 points2964 points  (28 children)

I wish I had said this at a trade show.

A retired person was going on and on about things he did “back in his day.” It was slow, so I didn’t mind at first. But after about 20 minutes, I ran out of ways to act interested.

So I said, “excuse me. I need to get some water.”

Which had the virtue of being true. However.

When I turned around at the water station, he had followed me over and picked up without missing a beat.

[–]son_et_lumiere 1637 points1638 points  (11 children)


You didn't follow up with "to drown you with" so he would get the hint.

[–]Phazlerde 26.3k points26.3k points 25 (428 children)

"I'm going to circulate around the room now." - even better if:

a.) You're in a park.

b.) You're trapped in your cubicle at work.

c.) You're beginning hospice and the nurse is going over the care plan.

[–]rogueblades 2092 points2093 points  (219 children)

b.) You're trapped in your cubicle at work.

To handle this situation at work, always have an empty cup on your desk. Whenever the talker won't leave you alone, stand up and grab your cup so they can see it. If they still haven't taken the hint after a minute or so, politely excuse yourself for a cup of water. If you have something (like leaving your desk for water) to do, you can give yourself an excuse to walk away from the conversation.

If they follow you to get water, go to the bathroom.

The secret is to be the one who dictates the end of the conversation. Having a natural reason to end the conversation while physically removing yourself from the area is pretty effective and won't usually upset the other person.

[–]Monkey3ars 2252 points2253 points  (60 children)

*at the urinal*
"So as I was saying..."

[–]cdnball 1673 points1674 points  (18 children)

I need to circulate this bathroom now, bye.

[–]The_Next_Super_Being 513 points514 points  (12 children)

"it's probably easier to explain with this chart I have, can you help me aim for a second while I pull it up on my phone"

[–]Monkey3ars 264 points265 points  (9 children)

"Oh! Nice watch by the way. So this rash I mean it's brutal you can see here..."

[–]visionsofblue 224 points225 points  (8 children)


Follows you into the bathroom and leans against the stall, while continuing to speak

[–]jonny_ponny 459 points460 points  (80 children)

how about "i really need to get this job done" and then turn to your work

you dont even have to leave your desk, or fake going to the bathroom, and you can simply just ignore them, and they will be the awkward ones

[–]Alpha_Lantern 5092 points5093 points  (73 children)

one of these is not like the others

[–]Eric_the_Barbarian 2330 points2331 points  (38 children)

Yeah, what's all this flap about having a job?

[–]Victor_Zsasz 885 points886 points  (28 children)

And your own cube to boot. Lucky devil.

[–]spartagnann 246 points247 points  (17 children)

I'd kill for a cube at this point. My company just moved offices and we're in open concept, super close quarters seating arrangement. I feel like everyone is breathing down my neck and my chair hits the person behind me's chair all the time we're so close together.

[–]stupidshot4 44 points45 points  (3 children)

I’m in the exact same situation. You want to know the worse part? I’m facing pure glass offices staring directly a director of my department and the vp of my department. Then 2 offices from that are the offices of the ceo(who’s barely there because he lives in another state) and the CFO.... You want to know what else bothers me? I can do 100% of my job remotely and my direct supervisor doesn’t care if I do, but if I am working from home too many days, the director in front of me gets antsy. You want to know what else? The office move has now forced me to go on the interstate and hit traffic which turned my 15-20 minute commute into a 30-60 minute commute....

[–]armypantsnflipflops 206 points207 points  (3 children)

ikr who the heck goes outside and talks to people

[–]ZZ34 327 points328 points  (28 children)

The worst is when they come to YOUR cubical. You can't be like "well.. i need to go now" and just leave the office at 9am.

[–]dvno4 204 points205 points  (9 children)

just say "Huh?" over and over again while opening and closing your hand in front of their face. Or yawn every time they talk.

[–]TedTheViking 237 points238 points  (5 children)

How about "I need to return some video tapes"

[–]MarshalLaw2112 222 points223 points  (7 children)

I use this all the time. "I'm gonna make the rounds"

[–]Phazlerde 1946 points1947 points  (57 children)

Try and out maneuver them. Say "Oh that reminds me..." then trail off in free association stories that have no real point. Never let them get a word in. Eventually they will give up and tell you "I've really enjoyed talking with you, I'm going to circulate around the room now"

[–]bp92009 1001 points1002 points  (44 children)

"Oh, that reminds me. Wyoming isn't real. Have you ever met someone from Wyoming?"

Bonus points if they have, then reply "Well, how do you know they aren't actors? "

Double bonus points if THEY are from Wyoming "No, I meant the other Wyoming"

Triple bonus points if you are CURRENTLY in Wyoming "Are we even real?"

[–]vice1331 204 points205 points  (8 children)

I live in Wyoming and can confirm we're not real.

[–]StoopidN00b 310 points311 points  (4 children)

Real eyes realize wyoming lies.

[–]ZZ34 338 points339 points  (3 children)

If you can do it, yes. They only like "good listeners", ie people who shut up and listen to their endless verbal diarrhea. Dont be a good listener.

[–]AXone1814 673 points674 points  (30 children)

“I’m going to circulate the room now” sounds like something you could only get away with saying if you’re in Downton Abbey.

[–]katiebee77 330 points331 points  (16 children)

Or Pride and Prejudice. "Shall we take a stroll about the room?" God their lives were boring.

[–]_duncan_idaho_ 60 points61 points  (1 child)

"Oh, Caroline, will you please shut the fuck up!"

[–]pm_me_your_molars 51 points52 points  (3 children)

To be fair to Caroline Bingley, she didn't ask Elizabeth to stroll around the room because dhe was bored, but because she wanted to see if Darcy was interested in Elizabeth.

[–]CockDaddyKaren 377 points378 points  (35 children)

yeah, sometimes this happens at work, and I'll tell my coworker, "oop, gotta look busy so the boss thinks I'm doing work" or some equivalent

[–]Jaymakk13 710 points711 points  (23 children)

there is an older guy at my work, he's in his mid 60's i think. if you are talking to him and he is just done with the convo he will start humming, we call it the "wrap it up music"

[–]0saladin0 376 points377 points  (1 child)

Younger me would have thought he was very strange.

Current me truly believes that man is a god damn hero.

[–]Bodod_Begag 679 points680 points  (52 children)

Ok who the FUCK has EVER said they are going to CIRCULATE around the room.

[–]Wind_Yer_Neck_In 14.4k points14.4k points  (286 children)

I used to work on a team with a guy who had aspergers and some related issues processing social cues. He would get started on a subject and just talk at people for 30 mins plus without pausing for breath. He didn't get the cues that people were losing interest and would continue indefinitely unless you directly interrupted and told him to stop. He wouldn't be offended and generally appreciated being told he should have stopped.

It was almost a rite of passage in the office to endure an extended one way lecture about his choice of bathroom tiles or the benefits of all weather road tires over winter tires etc.

[–]blacklikeyourheart 5559 points5560 points  (164 children)

I have mild aspergers and I experience both ends of this, as extroverts tend to adopt me (which I like).

The cues are basically another language which we don't pick up as easily as allistic people. I can sometimes spot the micro-expressions but it doesn't mean I know what to do with them, so would rather be told to finish up than know I'm making someone feel bored/uncomfortable and not know what to do with it.

I have a dear, dear, extrovert friend at uni who will talk the hind legs off a donkey. Last time we met I tried to end the conversation with an arm stretch and: "I'd better go work on my sketchbook." to which she replied: "Oh, can I see your sketchbook?" There went another half hour. Her son handles situations like this with: "I'm not being funny Mum, but can you go now?"

[–]My_gut_says_maybe 1079 points1080 points  (34 children)

So I understand the issues with social cues being difficult to spot, but what about adopting as a truism that if you’re talking “with” someone and they don’t say a word in a 2-3 minute period, you should probably just pause, ask them if they have anything to say, or ask if they’re still interested in the topic/conversation, and then continue based on their response?

If you talk at length and the other person never gets a word in, in almost 100% of cases, the other person is either bored and wants to leave or would like to say something but you’re not allowing them to.

[–]skepticalDragon 696 points697 points  (24 children)

Yeah I use mental timers for everything: eye contact, speaking, responding to messages, you name it.

It's close enough to normal that people tell me I am very sociable. But I often lock up in response to mixed cues and have to directly ask what is happening 😁

[–]BillNyeTheScienceGod 1076 points1077 points 2 (25 children)

I also have Asperger's and I don't think I could have said it better. Though somehow I've learned how to interpret a lot of those subtle social cues and it has helped in my social life quite a bit but I'm not perfect and never will be. At this point it's not a hindrance to me, it's a unique part of my personality and I wouldn't be who I am without it

[–]Nuffsaid98 20.4k points20.4k points 2 (675 children)

We have a great line that we use in Ireland. I haven't heard it used abroad but it could well be used all over for all I know.

The person is rabbiting on and is showing no sign of stopping. You clearly and firmly say "I'll let you go". Then with the confidence of a person doing them a favour you turn on your heel and stride away.

This has the effect of making them think you are the one wanting to avoid wasting their time. If they figure it out they can't call you out on it because to do so would be to admit (at least to themselves) that they are wasting your time. In fact most people never allow themselves to think it might be them who is holding you up so they accept the "offer" of your leaving in order for them to get on with their important work.

In general if someone says "I'll let you go" to me (rare but it has happened), I smile and say bye and end the conversation. It is a social convention and I abide by it. They want out. No ego. Let them go and the best of luck to them. People appreciate that I imagine.

[–]_Lizzl_ 5837 points5838 points  (221 children)

We have something like that in Germany that translates to "I don't want to keep you any longer."

Edit: the phrase is "Ich werde dich nicht länger aufhalten." For everyone who was wondering which phrase I am talking about.

[–]Grizzled--Kinda 3404 points3405 points  (95 children)

The problem with that is 9 times out of 10 the people talking on and on at you will say, oh I have plenty of time and you’re still screwed

[–]sabre252 1594 points1595 points  (37 children)

Ahh. In my experience, you have to be firm and walk off. It's all about confidence in the move.

[–]Grizzled--Kinda 272 points273 points  (19 children)

That’s true, maybe say it and quickly run away before they have a chance to reply

[–]_Lizzl_ 394 points395 points  (23 children)

Never had that problem. Maybe you need to use more resting b*tch face.

[–]otter_annihilation 1105 points1106 points  (16 children)

I've heard (and said) this commonly in telephone conversations with both American and Canadian people. However, I don't think I've ever heard this said face-to-face. It definitely is useful!

[–]2Nigerian_princes 482 points483 points  (9 children)

I hadn't even realized how common that was in the US until just now.. but it would be strange if someone said it to your face

[–]GALL0WSHUM0R 150 points151 points  (2 children)

Face-to-face it's the kind of thing you say to an acquaintance when you bump into each other at the store.

[–]OozeNAahz 141 points142 points  (0 children)

I hear it used fairly commonly when someone is clearly going somewhere. Ie a friend drives by and you wave them to roll down the window to ask them something. Ending it with “I’ll let you go.” seems pretty natural.

[–]Farmer_NPC 824 points825 points  (36 children)

My dad does this with our neighbor, and she always says "I'm not doing anything" and keeps talking

[–]BeetItJustBeetIt 427 points428 points  (11 children)

Then you just have to let them tell one more anecdote and say “It was lovely chatting with you but I really have to go! Have a nice rest of your day” I like to add a slow back away and wave while saying the last bit.

[–]blyat56 15.6k points15.6k points 3 (75 children)

"Aight imma head out"

[–]lizypickle 6339 points6340 points 2 (25 children)

Leaves own house.

[–]iamaiimpala 691 points692 points  (6 children)

fr tho depending on the situation/relationship it can send a hilariously clear message.

[–]Dolphins_R_Scary 265 points266 points  (3 children)

"Aight Imma head out"

"But it's your place?"

"......... yup"

[–]opus1123 400 points401 points  (0 children)

Slowly rises out of chair

[–]CIADarkSauce 4536 points4537 points  (56 children)

"Shh. My turn".

[–]balwakmirri 3521 points3522 points  (45 children)

This only works if you stroke their face at the same time

Edit: thanks for the silver! I will throw it in a pond and wish you good luck!

[–]VaultBoyNewReno 396 points397 points  (10 children)

I've had someone do this to me before, I just did it back to them.

[–]balwakmirri 260 points261 points  (3 children)

This sounds like a win-win to me. EVERYONE GETS A FACE RUB!

[–]comet4taily 4703 points4704 points  (46 children)

I'll give the opposite advice: if you think your friends are always thirsty, have weak bladders, or get weird sudden strokes of to-do lists all the time - you talk too much.

Edit: Um, I'd thank you guys for the karma, but, uh, I've got to get a drink and - eh - pee, like a lot. Also I just remembered I gotta call grandma.

[–]USB-_-Cable 932 points933 points  (19 children)

but i actually do have a weak bladder

[–]Etobio 415 points416 points  (6 children)

but i actually do get weird sudden strokes

[–]themanyfaceasian 1872 points1873 points  (38 children)

Listen for the briefest pause when they talk bc they gotta breath at some point and say hey listen I really gotta go to the bathroom I’ve been holding it in forever and I might just shit right here. Voila

[–]bullshitfree 730 points731 points  (12 children)

bc they gotta breath at some point

You haven't met my mom and some members of her family. And the shit thing doesn't work with one of them. I've learned to hang up on people.

[–]CaptainWisconsin 1410 points1411 points  (50 children)

Drop an enormous, ninety-decibel, pants-rattling fart while maintaining eye contact.

[–]ApatheticPhilistine 853 points854 points 2 (15 children)

Then smile and say, "Excuse me. I have to go wipe."

[–]CaptainObvious1906 310 points311 points  (8 children)

this is fucking disgusting lmao

[–]Washjockey 90 points91 points  (3 children)

You've never farted so hard you felt the need to go double check your paperwork?

[–]CrispyBaconAndSyrup 585 points586 points  (11 children)

Then smack your lips together to gesture that you can taste it.

[–]tway2241 287 points288 points  (6 children)

And say you can detect an "oaky afterbirth" to show you are sophisticated

[–]Speaker4theRest 741 points742 points  (51 children)

So this method is contextual but I have found it works in a lot of situations...especially in an office location...or more generally in a location where the offending talker has a place to go back to...so this is how it works...

Usually someone will come into my office and stand in the door way and start talking...I listen politely for a bit and then if they don't get the cues to leave..I do some obvious things...like start working on my computer...and then playing on my phone...just some physical social cues to let them know that this is over...BUT...some ppl dont get that...so in those cases where its happening...I casually stand up, let them continue the conversation, and sometimes I give them an uh-huh or yeah...and while walking out of my office...I walk to their office...and then...almost all of the time, they will go into their office first...and then they will sit down...that then gives me the ability to politely say something and leave their office...I call this method the "Walking them home" method....again, it can work anywhere, if a sibling is annoying you in your room...stand up and walk them towards their room, and they will migrate to their space...and then you leave...if you are at work...walk them to their space and let them settle, and then you leave.

I use this method at least 3 times a week with some folks...and they LITERALLY have no idea.

[–]BareBahr 110 points111 points  (8 children)

Ah, but what if you're in an open plan office and they are sitting across from you at the same table?

I've had this happen and there's not much recourse.

[–]dapper_cupcake 130 points131 points  (2 children)

I just interrupt and say "coffee?", walk with them to the coffee machine, get a cup, and say "Nice chatting. I better get back to work." then put my headphones on asap.

[–]JamesB41 72 points73 points  (10 children)

You use ellipses a lot. There are 25 of them in your post. I am bored and counted.

[–]Oystershucker2 2178 points2179 points  (111 children)

Tell them you are having a rather heavy period and must go to the restroom before you bleed all over yourself.

[–]PestoPastaPenne18 1147 points1148 points  (97 children)

And if you’re a guy?

[–]MachReverb 3447 points3448 points  (16 children)

Try to sound extra-confident

[–]Boxerdude 714 points715 points  (7 children)

Really sell it to the back row.

[–]Zombare 373 points374 points  (6 children)

Say it with your chest.

[–]SinneJ 218 points219 points  (2 children)

Reminds me of that New Girl bit where Schmidt told his female co-workers that he had to go because he was having his period, and that despite it being clear for obvious reasons that he was lying, they let him go because the whole thing was just so awkward now.

[–]Saintblack 160 points161 points  (1 child)

The surgery went well except this heavy flow. Blood for the blood god, am I right?

[–]guywistik 1011 points1012 points  (54 children)

I have a friend who does this and he tends to drink alot. It gets to the point where he literally will talk over you. I once sat on my phone while he talked to me for 5 hours straight. No joke, didn't even pause. I was going to sleep on his couch once and he kept talking. I was wrapped up in a blanket while he stood over me... talking. I had to drive away and sleep in my car. This is a typical workday for him. On the weekends he'll stay up 2 days straight, drinking and talking. Sometimes he uses an app that'll connect him with random people to talk to. I think he needs a therapist.

[–]dcbdcb 473 points474 points  (8 children)

That sounds fucking awful

[–]slimsalmon 119 points120 points  (4 children)

Drunk people who don't STFU are next level annoying. I've never understood how any bartender can stand dealing with that on a regular basis.

[–]steel_jasminum 324 points325 points  (22 children)

This sounds like bipolar disorder. My dad is bipolar I and will call you drunk faded at 3 a.m. to rant on different subjects for hours, slowly raising his voice the entire time. I've theorized it's hypomania brought on by being inebriated.

(In case anyone thinks I'm demonizing bipolar disorder, I'm bipolar II and also tend to get very talkative when altered.)

[–]guywistik 172 points173 points  (13 children)

This sounds pretty accurate. The 'slowly raising the volume of his voice' happens too often. Have had to remind him on many occasions that people need to sleep.

I've tried to talk to him about the possibilty that he may have a neurological disorder of some type. But he seems very indifferent to the idea ... and then he proceeds to talk about his "god powers" and his "natural muscular toned body" (He is 250+ pounds, overweight and does nothing active).

[–]pterelas 431 points432 points  (15 children)

If you know them well enough, a hand on the arm or shoulder will get someone to stop talking long enough for you to make your exit. Not needed though. "It's been so great talking to you but I'm late for something something"

[–]2Nigerian_princes 292 points293 points  (10 children)

I'm gonna try that. Just put my hand on their shoulder and stare deeply into their eyes without saying anything. I'm sure it won't be creepy.

[–]pterelas 148 points149 points  (6 children)

Don't forget to lick your lips, that makes it COMPLETELY non-creepy

[–]foolishfool100 1134 points1135 points  (59 children)

“Oh I’m sorry but I ought too hurry I got [GENERIC EXCUSE]! We can talk later

[–]ADecentURL 1332 points1333 points  (46 children)

"Did you just say 'generic excuse'?"

[–]Thopterthallid 794 points795 points  (31 children)

Well... Yeah... But [emergency backup explanation].

[–]CockDaddyKaren 505 points506 points  (28 children)

"Did you just say 'emergency backup explanation'?"

[–]GreedoShotFirst_ 391 points392 points  (21 children)

Well, you see [Random bullshit excuse]

[–]CockDaddyKaren 342 points343 points  (20 children)

did you just say "random bullshit excuse"?

[–]Tonythunder 330 points331 points  (17 children)

N-no! Sorry, I meant to say [actual reasonable excuse but overly exaggerated thus becoming a lie]

[–]nikhilbhavsar 259 points260 points  (14 children)

Did you just say "[actual reasonable excuse but overly exaggerated thus becoming a lie]"?

[–]Btr101 255 points256 points  (11 children)

well, uh yes, but you see [last resort at making this excuse reasonable]

[–]religion_wya 197 points198 points  (9 children)

"Did you just say 'last resort at making this excuse reasonable?'"

[–]royaj77 140 points141 points  (7 children)

And how do you pronounce the brackets

[–]FlammusNonTimmus 421 points422 points  (2 children)

Use the Ben Carson method. "Oh no, my luggage[walk away].".

[–]StuffandThings85 4312 points4313 points  (35 children)

"Right. Right. Great. Listen, I gotta go wash my crotch, I'll see ya later."

Edit: Obligatory "thanks for the silver". Still don't understand it, but thanks anyway!

[–]I_Think_Helen_Forgot 802 points803 points  (17 children)

I find myself leaning at a 45 degree angle, indicating the direction I'd like to go.

[–]Muncher64 320 points321 points  (5 children)

Hush them really loudly and keep doing it if they keep talking

[–]MotorcycleSteve 380 points381 points  (3 children)

"Oh! Someone wants you over there." gestures across the room "Oh, who?" "Me."

[–]_MyAnonAccount_ 890 points891 points  (24 children)

It depends on the context, like most things. Who is the person to you?

Random person on the street? Just tell them you're busy and walk away.

Coworker? Politely explain that they need to stop talking so you can work.

Dude at the gym? Tell him you're going to do your set. If he still doesn't stop talking, just put your headphones on and start lifting.

Generally if it's someone you aren't going to see often, whether they think you're rude or not isn't really important. Just tell them you're busy and just walk away or continue what it is you were doing.

If it's someone you see often/can't avoid (friend, coworker, classmate etc) tell them that they need to stop talking so you can do what you're meant to be doing. They probably aren't aware that they could be annoying people. They'd probably appreciate the wake up call.

[–]Stathes 341 points342 points  (5 children)

Adding on this I had a roommate who would talk without end but I sat down and politely explained that, though I do enjoy conversing with them I do need time of my own to recharge.

If its a roommate or friend its probably best to let them know you just need some time for yourself.

[–]hrichardson8 500 points501 points  (21 children)

"Yo bitch, shut the fuck up."

[–]MF_Wings 330 points331 points  (3 children)

they asked politely. "Yo bitch, PLEASE shut the fuck up."

[–]The_Height_of_Folly 93 points94 points  (13 children)

Tell them you don't like sports

[–]teachermichael 486 points487 points  (52 children)

Fake a phone call. First, pm someone to call you. Then as your phone rings, just politely apologize and make your exit.

[–]i_fuckin_luv_it_mate 418 points419 points  (10 children)

Don't make the mistake of attempting audibly the "Ringg Riinggg" yourself. Unless your Michael Winslow, it will immediately backfire, defeating the whole purpose of the distraction

[–]HyperMemeKing 231 points232 points  (8 children)


“Oi, bossu!”

[–]redpenquin 83 points84 points  (0 children)

That's not a phone, that's a frog!