Picture: Disney/Rex

I love a good film as much as anyone, but there are times my suspension of disbelief is stretched to breaking point.

Oddly enough this tends to happen not when I’m watching shape-shifting aliens, gravity-defying fridges or dogs that can outrun a sixty-metre fireball, but when I’m watching movie fathers with their cinematic offspring.

Whether it’s Don Corleone or Darth Vader, there’s nothing like a bit of implausible parenting to get the eyebrows raised.

So come with us now as we explore some of the finest ‘What the hey?!?’ moments that Hollywood has to offer.

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1. Mamma Mia! (2008)

What happens: Sophie invites all three of her possible fathers to her wedding, and then decides not to get married after all. But it’s OK, because her mother decides to marry former sweetheart Sam, all three ‘dads’ agree to play the role of father without actually finding out who is, and everyone has a bit of a dance.


What would happen in real life: Sophie drags all three men onto The Jeremy Kyle Show, where in a stunning twist it’s revealed that none of them are the father. Sam fails his lie detector test, and Bill and Harry have a punch-up in the corridor.

2. The Lion King (1994)

What happens: Simba comes face to face with the ghost of his father Mufasa, who tells him to face up to his responsibilities. The young lion returns to Pride Rock, overthrows his wicked uncle and then takes his rightful place as king.

What would happen in real life: Disillusioned by the patriarchy, Simba rejects his father’s Circle of Life principles and starts an Occupy movement that establishes an autonomous collective. Within several years the ecological balance of the Pride Lands is irreparably damaged, so Simba quietly disappears back to the jungle, leaving Nala to take the fall.

3. Mrs Doubtfire (1993)

What happens: Unemployed actor Daniel Hillard takes drastic steps to see his children by assuming the persona of a a middle-aged Scottish housekeeper to infiltrate their lives. In the end, the kids get to see their father properly, while Mrs Doubtfire gets her own TV show.

What would happen in real life: After the press gets wind of the story, Daniel is slapped with a restraining order and never works again. Meanwhile, Miranda (the kids’ mother) is vilified on social media after it emerges that she never checked Mrs Doubtfire’s references.

Years later, the kids all make appearances on Celebrity Big Brother.


4. Three Men And A Baby (1987)

What happens: Three carefree bachelors find a baby abandoned on their doorstep, decide to look after it, and become astoundingly competent in quite a short space of time.

What would happen in real life: Conflicting advice on the internet results in tension and infighting, culminating in a huge punch-up over baby-led weaning that results in several broken limbs.

5. The Lego Movie (2014)

What happens: A young boy plays with his father’s impressive Lego collection, styling the film’s villain upon him, while he gets to be the hero. In the end, Dad realises the value of creative play, and father and son reconcile.

What would happen in real life: Furious that years of painstaking work have been ruined by his kids, Dad hops onto eBay and buys an economy pack of Krazy Glue and a lock for the basement. Finn grows up disillusioned and hating his father, but at least the Lego is still intact.

6. Danny The Champion Of The World (1989)

What happens: A nine-year-old boy reacts incredibly calmly when discovering his father’s double life of deception, theft and abandonment. Together the two of them work together to steal two hundred pheasants and in doing so conveniently topple the local dignitary.

What would happen in real life: Danny foolishly Instagrams his poaching run, alerting the authorities. Social services are brought into the loop after it emerges that William left his primary school age child unattended for hours in the middle of the night and allowed him behind the wheel of a car on a public road.


Elsewhere, Mr Snoddy’s alcoholism leads to extended gardening leave.

7. Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

What happens: Confronting his son Ben – who’s changed his name to Kylo Ren and is cosplaying as a Sith Lord – veteran smuggler Han Solo meets a sticky end.

What would happen in real life: Having amassed years of experience in potentially explosive situations and having sought the advice of DadsNet, Solo tests the waters with a Skype chat and a couple of emails, before arranging a face-to-face meeting in neutral territory, away from any precarious walkways with no hand railings.

It still ends in bitterness and resentment, but at least they get to have coffee.

8. Finding Nemo (2003)

What happens: Having travelled halfway across the ocean to locate his missing son, neurotic clownfish Marlin learns an important lesson about letting go.

What would happen in real life: Following the tragic death of Nemo’s mother, Marlin follows the laws of biology and has a sex change, thereby transforming the dynamic of the film and ruining your childhood. Sorry, folks.

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