Autistic Communication

This blog has two functions. I was asked to write it for an ableism project but also for me personally I’ve written it as basic guide for one of the gaming communities I am a part of.46831188_10161150841550322_3487370185717841920_n

What is autism?

Autism is a lifelong neurological developmental spectrum condition. Autistic children become autistic adults. You cannot catch autism. It is not a disease, therefore there is also no “fix” or “cure.”


Every autistic person experiences autism differently, with a combination of traits which makes up their condition. Listed below are some of the common traits of autism:

Communication difficulties

It can be difficult for an autistic person to convey what they want to say and understand what other people are saying to them.

Sensory issues including light, sound, touch and taste

Certain sensory input can be uncomfortable or even painful. For example the feel of cardboard on the hand could make an autistic person flinch or even meltdown.

Implicit need for routine / inflexibility with change

Routine creates a familiar pattern where an autistic person can feel safe. Changing that routine can cause anxiety and meltdown.

Socially inept

May struggle to understand jokes and sarcasm. Can make inappropriate comments. Not always sure of what is expected of them.
Need for repetitive actions / stimming

Stimming helps autistic people deal with a world that is not designed for them. Creating a pleasurable sensory input can help to counteract the effects of unpleasant sensory input or help focus in a conversation. Stimming can include clicking fingers, tapping, saying the same thing over and over etc.

The masking of autistic behaviour to try and fit in

Masking is when an autistic person deliberately tries to hide their autistic traits. It is very draining and can cause burnout, meltdown, shutdown, anxiety and depression. People assigned female at birth are more likely to mask because society traditionally doesn’t believe AFAB people can be autistic.

Intense interest in specific areas

Autistic people often have intense special interests. This could be in a particular type of music, a period in history, cars….anything really. The important thing is that autistic children and adults are allowed to indulge in their special interests and are not punished for being, “obsessed.”

Meltdowns, shutdowns & burnout

These happen when there is too much sensory input, routine is broken, special interests are denied and generally lots of bad things have happened.

Meltdowns might include crying, screaming and self harm. Shutdowns can involve non-verbal periods and isolation. Burnout can feel like a hangover with intense fatigue.

Word and language creation

Autistic people often make up their own language to help them navigate the world better. Some of this will be to do with language delay growing up, but it could also be due to being hyperlexic. There doesn’t seem to be a consensus in research.

Co-morbid conditions

Many autistic people have a combination of conditions. These include but aren’t limited to:

Body temperature control issues

Executive dysfunction

Executive function is what allows us to control working memory and functionality. It basically helps us get stuff done. Some autistic people struggle with dysfunction in this area. For example rushing a shower because you are late and putting moisteriser on as shampoo or being so hyper focused on getting a task done when you get home, that you forget to close your car window. It can also involve forgetting to eat, drink or meet a friend etc.

Autistic Communication Style

We are often very blunt and honest in the way we communicate. We don’t feel the need to create implied meanings or step around a subject as lightly as our allistic peers.

We can interpret things literally which is where jokes and sarcasm are sometimes lost.

Some autistic people are entirely non-verbal so may use communication cards or sign language for example. Some of us go non-verbal as the result of burnout or are only verbal some of the time. There are well documented cases of entirely non-verbal autistic people having a huge online presence. Being non-verbal is not an indicator of worth or intelligence.

Autistic people can lack different tones and body language whilst speaking. Some can be very animated and enthusisatic. This is certainly not a clear cut 100% of the time issue.

Eye contact can be difficult. We often mask by looking at different areas of the face to feign eye contact. Sometimes we’ll look away entirely. Being forced to look you in the eye will often mean we don’t process a single thing you say to us.

pp 3-4 image_1

What does autistic communication look like to allistic people?

It can look like someone is being rude, aggressive, inattentive, child like, arrogant, annoying because they don’t communicate in ways that allistic people are taught are standard.

How do I communicate with autistic people efficiently?

Being clear and concise without using implied meaning is a good start.

Try and be relaxed about communication and be willing to explain yourself. Misunderstandings will happen.

Take us at face value.

Don’t insist on eye contact and allow us to stim if that helps us focus on the conversation.

Take into consideration the environment you’re speaking in. Is it really loud and bright? That will affect our ability to process your words.

Learn to understand non-verbal communication and communicate in ways that are beneficial to autistic people and not necessarily what is comfortable for you.

Don’t make assumptions about intelligence and competence.




Everyone’s first experience of a label is the one they are given at birth. The one about 99% of us carry with us for our entire lives: our sex and gender. Everything you do and anything you will ever be is determined by that label in a patriarchal society. Those of us who reject the label given to us at birth are shunned by society and subject to systemic discrimination, yet society at large doesn’t seem keen on labels as a whole.


Fast forward to 1999. I’m 14 years old and I’ve just started a new school. (I had to leave/was expelled from my two previous schools due to being bullied.) I’m into heavy metal and punk, so obviously I gravitated towards that group of people. The other kids called them, “Greebos” or “Greebs” but the most popular of them decided that labels weren’t cool so we never used the term. It was the same with the widespread bisexuality. If we didn’t talk about it or label ourselves we weren’t really different. We were just the same as everyone else, but we wore black and slept with people of multiple genders. (Yes I was having sex at 14.)

This situation didn’t last long for me and I ended up hanging out with the kids in the year below. They embraced labels and were subsequently called losers by the people I used to hang out with in my year group. We were Greebos. We were lesbians, gays and bisexuals and we were proud, even if just within our friendship group. We went through the same struggles together and our bond and our labels kept us together and kept us strong. I fell in love for the first time in 2001 with one of these people. We called ourselves lesbians and that stuck with me for the next nine years, even if the Greebo label faded into metal-head as time went by.


So what are my labels now at 32 and what do they mean to me?


I’ve been using this label since Feb 2017, when I truly accepted that this was who I was. A year later I had an official diagnosis.

I don’t say I am someone with autism. Autism is me. I am autistic.

Realising I was autistic was super validating for me. It explained a lot of my past behaviour and allowed me to find friends who were similar to me.


Transmasculine Nonbinary

I am transgender. I lean towards masculinity. My transition involves testosterone and masculinising surgeries.

I am however not a man. I’m also not a woman. My gender identity and subsequent presentation fluctuates and sits well out of the norms for binary genders.



I love all music actually but my focus is definitely focused on metal, punk and hardcore. I often dress in what can be considered as metal-head attire.



Truly I am pansexual, but I like queer as an identity.


Why are labels important?

My labels have brought some of the best people into my life. We have bonded over similar struggles and we have stood strong in the face of transphobia, homophobia and ableism. They give me a blanket of safety I can run and hide under when the allistic, transphobic world gets too much and they understand exactly why I need to do that.

It means when I’m out at the pub with my friends I’m not gonna get misgendered or called aggressive because of my autistic style of communicating. It means I was encouraged to be my authentic self at Trans Pride by being topless . It was the safety of having these people around me which allowed me to work up the courage to medically transition.


We can also help other marginalised groups. They define who they are and the systemic discrimination they face. We listen to them and lend our privilege to help where it is needed. Without labels, I don’t think we would be able to do this so effectively and this leads on to my next point;

Why doesn’t society like labels as a whole?

In my experience oppressors don’t like labels because for them it means they are not the norm and when we use them, we use them to empower ourselves against their oppression.

For example cis women who reject the use of cis, even though it is literally what they are. They don’t like it because they have always just seen themselves as normal women and that trans women and femme aligned people are deviant in some way. This is often combined with TERf rhetoric. (The F is small deliberately cuz ain’t nothing feminist about their tripe.)

Another example is allistic people. This just basically means you aren’t autistic. Allistic people hate it because they see autistic people as abnormal and they are just normal people. Wrong.

So let’s embrace our labels and the labels of others, banding together to empower one another and bring down systems of oppression.



My thoughts on Vegan Pride.













Trans Liberation Now


















Let’s make 2018 our year!

A Gender Revolution?





What advice would you give girls and boys today?










The whole rest of the magazine is dedicated to:

  • Paternal leave in Sweden. Um what?


Night all.



I can’t believe I’m writing this in 2017.
















The Last Taboo




  2. Periods and period blood.
  3. Human overpopulation and how to deal with it.
  4. Nakedness in general.
  5. Poly relationships.
















  1. Do not have children.
  2. Adopt a plant based diet.
  3. Live with the environment in mind.




  • Fostering and adoption of children who are already here.





Have a nice weekend!