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Oh, it wasn’t?

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Really? Then what was the video showing the direct intersection of TU24’s orbit and the orbit of Earth (falsly) supposed to be about then? I know that a second video came out after it, explaining that no, he didn’t mean it would hit us, it’s really because it’s going to cause some sort of space lightening storm that will totally destroy us, any day now.

I’m waiting to see what the alarmist crap he comes up with after nothing at all happens or, conversely, what government agency covered up all the horrible effects of TU24’s magic theoretical static electricity.



So, TU24 dude, start buying up domain names now.

Vive La Burger Republique!

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Jen: And there are no Taco Bells in Europe!
Mr. Jen: That must have been terrible in Amsterdam.
J: No, because you go to McDonald’s and they give you mayonnaise for your fries and you’re like, “Oh, wow, this tastes SOOOOO good right now.” So, I really didn’t miss Taco Bell.
MJ: I cant eat McDonald’s while I’m high. Burger King I could do. But I would really want Taco Bell.
J: No, there aren’t any Burger Kings, either.
MJ: Yes there are!
MJ: They were there, you just didn’t see them.
J: Now, how’re they gonna have a McDonald’s on practically every corner and I just don’t happen to see a Burger King?
MJ: Well, I know why they don’t have them in France. They rejected the burger monarchy a long time ago.
MJ: Right. They had to behead him, because the King just has a plastic head.
J: They tried, though. Like, they loaded him onto that little bench and strapped him all in, and then they tried to roll him forward and his head wouldn’t fit between the neck holder things.
MJ: Yeah, and they kept smashing his head into it, but he wouldn’t fit. And his arms are all flailing. That would be funny.
J: His arms wouldn’t be flailing. They strap you down.
MJ: No, seriously, I couldn’t get high without Taco Bell.
J: Suit yourself. That’s more for me, my friend.
J: I think they call it “Thursday”.
J: And that was how Jen died.

One of my friends posted this video on her LiveJournal, and it’s hilarious. My favorite line is “Under my TurboHeather’s pretty, pretty dress is a tornado of power.” Clearly, TurboHeather is an EC heroine.


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It has come to my attention that there is a video floating around YouTube with the intent of creating alarm and “ZOMG GOVERNMENT KONSPIRACY !!!111!!!!!ELEVENTY-ONE!!!” type feelings about a totally normal thing that happens every day.

That is, about a space rock.


  1. Asteroid TU24 will be within roughly 500,000 kilometers of Earth. Wow, that seems really close, doesn’t it? I mean, the moon is only 400,000 kilometers, or 1.0 Lunar Distances (from here out abbreviated “LD”, meaning a measurement based on the distance between the Earth and the moon). So, TU24 is whizzing by at 1.3 LD! Oh no! It might hit us!

    No. But let me tell you why. On January 15 of this year, asteroid 2008 BW2 whizzed by at a close .9 LD. It was in between the moon and us, theoretically. And it didn’t hit us. Why? It’s on it’s own little course, zooming through space.


  2. Holy shit, this thing is the size of the Sears Tower in Chicago! Wow, that’s scary, right? No. You fail at space, my friend. The asteroid, while indeed a hefty 527 meters is certainly not the largest one to make a close approach this century: Toutatis, know also as asteroid 4179, thought of as being the arguably most likely threat to crash into our planet eventually due to its strange orbit and rotation, came on by in 2004 with all of it’s 2.9 miles of length and 1.5 miles of width. It is estimated that to cause world wide extinction, the proverbial “End of the World”, an asteroid would have to be at least 1/2 mile, and when you do the conversion, TU24 falls just slightly short. It would cause massive destruction, obviously, but not the end of the world.

    You also have to judge its impact risk on the Torino scale. The Torino scale compares the destructive power in megatons of an asteroid to the probability of it striking earth and assigns a number, 0-10, 0 meaning “No way is this thing coming near us, and even if it did, it might leave a hole or kill a cow somewhere, but don’t brick in your seat yet”, 10 being “Start reading Revelations now, friend, because we’re going straight to Hell.” Big mamma Toutatis scored a 1 on her little trip. TU24 merits a fat, round 0.

  3. Potentially Hazardous Asteroids (PHA’s) and Near Earth Objects (NEO’s) fly by us every day. Two and sometimes three a day. None today or yesterday, which was actually very odd. We’ve never had the “plasma discharge” issue that the second video in this series alleges will occur. They cite Tunguska as being the result of a plasma discharge, but Tunguska actually hit us. If they theorize that even a small meteor with a negligible impact probability is going to cause world wide destruction without touching us, why hasn’t it happened yet?

  4. The government can’t cover up space rocks. All of the information gathered by professional and amateur astronomers is publicly available from NASA’s NEO program ( Plus, the United States isn’t the only country with observatories and space technology. This just speaks to the egotism of the average American doomcrier. “The government is covering it up!” Yeah, blow me. This is the age of the internet, my friend. If our government covers it up, someone else’s government is still going to spill the beans, and it’s going to get posted all over TEH INTARWEBS. Morons.

I’m not posting the second video because it’s bad science and I don’t want to help it get anymore views. What I’m going to do instead is rant for a minute about doomsayers and astronomy.

Okay, I used to do a lot of community theatre. Nine times out of ten, a cast I was in would have this one specific kind of person. You’d talk about a show, let’s pretend it’s The Secret Garden. Anyway, you’re talking to this person about The Secrt Garden and how much you love “In Lily’s Eyes” and she says, “I only listen to the girl songs, so I can sing along,” and you’re like, “WTF is this shit? You only like something if you can somehow be involved in it?” Yeah, I’m talking about you, Rachel. You wanna go, let’s go!



Edited to add: I also want to point out that there is another TU24 video floating around out there that, along with stating completely incorrect facts (like TU24 is the largest asteroid and closest approach this century) argues that it WILL hit us because we don’t know enough about it. It then states that we didn’t know enough about a comet that recently visited our solar system, proving that scientists know nothing and we’re all doomed. However, I can use that argument to prove anything. For example: “Scientists used to think the Earth was flat, so they don’t know everything, so Cancer tastes like gumdrops!” Yeah, that’s what we call a logical fallacy, kids.

Hey out there in the blogosphere!

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I’m taking a little hiatus from blogging because Jr. has the pneumonia. Friday grab blog is still going to happen, but I’m MIA until further notice.

Keep it real, y’all.

ETA: This could keep you busy while I’m gone. Fred Phelps’s Westboro Baptist Church is going to picket the funeral of Heath Ledger, calling him a “fag enabler” for appearing in the “sordid, tacky bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as Brokeback Mountain.” Granted, I agree that the movie wasn’t that great, but you know, something about Fred Phelps makes me wish I could make a stranger’s head explode just by imagining it over and over again. In any case, the church’s phone number is 785-273-0325. Call them, let them know what you think.

6 Random Things About Me.

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Okay, I was tagged by Brynn Paulin to do this meme. So I’m doing it.

Six Random Things About Me

  • I can walk on stilts. In fact, I’m so good on stilts, I can run on them. Unfortunately, I’m not real good at stopping.
  • I know some American Sign Language. And I’m still learning. In fact, I think I might spend a little too much time on it, because I sometimes have dreams in which I’m signing.
  • Every room in my house is painted a bright color. My kitchen is a bright red-orange, my living room is vibrant yellow, my office is cornflower blue, my bathroom is blindingly aqua, my bedroom (the most subdued color in the house) is forest green, Jr.’s room is sky blue, and the family room is pumpkin orange. I like colors.
  • I can sing the Highlander theme song backwards. Are we here! Kings to be born! Universe the of princes! Seriously, I don’t know how or why it came up, but I can sing the whole song backwards.
  • I know all of the words to “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by REM Again, I’m not sure why I need to do know it, or how I figured it all out, but I do and I did.

I’m not gonna tag anyone. Do it if you want, don’t if you don’t. Whatever blows your skirt up.



Sweet Holy Mother Of L. Ron Hubbard.

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Some wonderful soul has reposted the Tom Cruise on Scientology video that the “church” of Scientology ordered pulled from YouTube. Here is your chance to catch the crazy before they take it down again:

Now, I’m usually pretty laid back about other people’s religions, but there is just something about Scientology that makes me want to build a giant bonfire with every available copy of Dianetics I can find. A lot of religions are far-fetched. Let’s take a look:

  • Church of Jesus Christ and The Latter Day Saints a.k.a. Mormons Founder of religion follows beautiful naked man into woods, explains his absence by starting religion based off of “plates” of text no one can see.
  • Buddhism Everything causes you suffering somehow, so don’t overdo it and you should be fine.

Okay, so Buddhism doesn’t sound that far-fetched. But given the list of weird things people believe, you’d think Scientology would be pretty easy to accept, right?

Scientologists believe that a bunch of years ago, before there were any people on the Earth, an evil space villain froze some aliens and dropped them into a volcano or something, and when people showed up, the ghosts of the aliens swooped in and infected us with all of their negative emotions, and that’s why we get depressed and sick and hurt and have the daily ups and downs of life.

Let that sink in a moment. Alien ghosts.

The thing is, I have no problem with what anyone wants to believe. That’s their business. But when they have such a smug attitude about it– like Tom “we’re the only ones who can save the world” Cruise– and act as though it is their duty to convert everyone, well, that just really gets under my skin like hallucinogenic spiders with your dead grandma’s face right after you’ve done a big ole bowlful of PCP.

And maybe a lot of my anger toward Scientology is based on the fact that while they want everyone to learn their secret ways of rejecting medical science and patting each other on the backs for understanding the universal truth, they want everyone to pay for it. And they want people to pay a lot of money. So, what we’ve ended up with is a church made of rich, successful people who think it’s their job to save the world, because their egos weren’t big enough to begin with.

Scientology just seems like a way to proclaim to the world, “Look at me! I’m rich! I’m important! This has be validated in a way that makes me feel secure about how I am living my life! More importantly, I know more than you do, and you can’t find out what I know unless you pay for it, which you probably can’t!”

Seriously, just buy a private jet or name a hospital after yourself, for Xenu’s sake.

ETA: In the interest of fairness to Tom Cruise, here’s a video of an absolutely nut bar lady who starts screaming about Jesus, Mexicans, and Shannon Doherty and gets kicked out a coffee shop. The site that hosts it is NSFW, though:

Dr. Phil, maybe you need to counsel your wife…

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