

The Super Bowl is the Thanksgiving, Christmas and, yes, Super Bowl of eating, all rolled like a mini tortilla -- that you'll now find yourself craving because you just read those words -- into one.

We're going to eat a lot of food during the Super Bowl. We're going to eat so much food that shame will be the dessert. We're going to eat so much that the referees are going to have to call a timeout early in the third quarter so America can collectively get up and use the restroom. We're going to eat so much that the game's attendance may very well be your waist size by the time the final gun sounds.

We're going to fill our stomachs with food the way your grandmother fills her purse with jelly packets when you go out for breakfast. And we don't care because the food is going to be so good, which begs a very important question: what food are you most excited to eat.

Forget who to root for and forget trying to see if the squares you picked in your office pool come in -- this is the most pressing matter to focus on come Super Bowl Sunday.