Monday, December 27, 2010

The Laws of Stupidity

The First Law of Stupidity is to blame all of your problems on someone else. This relieves you of any responsibility whatsoever for your life, and also makes the people you blame your problems on into permanent enemies. This is a highly intelligent thing to do!

The Second Law of Stupidity is to never learn from your mistakes. The smartest people learn from other people’s mistakes, the second smartest learn from their own, and the dumbest don’t even learn from their own mistakes.

The Third Law of Stupidity is to talk or act without thinking. That is, be impulsive! It’s the same thing as being ruled by your more childish, indeed infantile, feelings.

The Fourth Law of Stupidity is to think than what you feel is what is right. One of the things it’s based on is arrogance, or what the Greeks called Hubris. It is of course followed by Nemesis.

The Fifth Law of Stupidity is not to know you are impulsive and convinced that what feel is what is right. Instead, you believe you are rational and logical, even though you don’t know even one logical fallacy.

The Sixth Law of Stupidity is to not listen to good advice. This is related to the Second, Third and Fourth Law of Stupidity. In fact, all the Laws of Stupidity are related to each other, and it’s probable that all Stupid People show all of them in one degree or another.

The Seventh Law of Stupidity: you don’t know you’re stupid. In fact, you think you’re smart! Aristotle noticed this one, when he wrote about ignorant people who didn’t know they were ignorant. That was like 2500 years ago! Oh no! Stupidity is inherited! Someone get me one of those castration things that are used on sheep.

The Eighth Law of Stupidity: you can’t tell when someone is smarter than you and almost always think you’re smarter than them. This is related to what I call Scott’s Law, after a friend of mine who formulated it: “The smart understand the stupid a lot better than the stupid understand the smart.”

The Ninth Law of Stupidity is that you can have a high IQ and still be stupid. I’ve heard these people referred to as “high-IQ idiots.”

The Tenth Law of Stupidity is: “The stupid are always really surprised when they end up in prison or when someone kills them.”

It’s a bit frightening to realize there are Ten Laws of Stupidity, just as there are Ten Commandments (although “Commandments” is the wrong word – Utterances, or Words, is correct).

Let’s see if I can put all this into one sentence. Stupid people blame their problems on other people, they never learn from their mistakes, they think and act impulsively, they always think they’re right, they think they are logical and rational, they don’t know they’re stupid, they think they’re smarter than other people, they don’t listen to good advice, and they’re amazed when they get caught.

The Laws of Smartness, of course, are the exact opposite of the Laws of Stupidity.

Setting on Fire Everything I Could Find

As a little boy I enjoyed playing with fire. The reason I no longer have any of my plastic ships, tanks and airplanes is that I set all of them on fire or else blew them up with firecrackers. It’s also the reason I don’t have any of my Little Green Army Men, either. I melted all of them (the worthless ones went first, like Mine Sweeper Guy).

It was great.

I also set myself on fire, sort of. I’d take the plastic bag the bread came in, wrap it around a stick, and set it on fire. When the plastic melted it would drip and make a zip zip zip noise. Each droplet would stay on fire until it hit the ground. Had I been in special effects in the movies or radios, I would have used that sound for a disintegrator pistol. ZIP ZIP ZIP “Wow…nothing left but boots with smoke coming out of the top of them!”

It was great.

Somehow – and to this day I have no idea how – a few drops landed on the back of one of my hands. There are few things more exquisitely painful than having flaming melted plastic extinguish itself in your skin. I had to dig them out with my fingernails.

That wasn’t so great.

Then there was the Episode of the Barn. One of my friends came over with some matches and a baby food jar full of alcohol. Since I lived in a rented farmhouse, there were quite a few barns in back.

He and I were outside one barn, doing something flammable. I don’t exactly remember what. But this moron – and he was a moron – threw the jar of alcohol into the dried hay in the barn and threw a match on it.


We were about ten years old, and I realized there was going to be big trouble unless we got this fire out. I ran in, overturned a bale of hay, and began to bounce it up and down on the fire. I almost had the it out, and had my moron friend helped, we could have gotten it out.

When I looked around, he was nowhere to be seen. I ran outside the barn and saw him flying through people’s yards on the way to his house. He had set the barn on fire, made no attempt to help me put it out, and run away.

I looked in the barn and saw a wall of flames. I knew things were out of control, and ran across the street to my cousin’s house to tell them to call the fire department.

The fire department showed up and couldn’t do much. The barns were ancient tinderboxes, and every one of them – and there were several – went up in flames in about ten minutes. The outhouse went up, too. That’s how old the whole complex was.

Of course, my moron friend lied and blamed everything on me. After that, he and I were never friends again, and in fact I never saw him again. He moved away not too long after.

There’s nothing like a crisis to find out if someone is really a friend or not.

Then there was the Episode of the Wheat Field. Another friend of mine, who was not a moron, was taking flaming branches out of a fifty-gallon barrel, the kind people burned trash in, and was putting them into a wheat field.

I told him to stop, because he was going to set the wheat field on fire. He didn’t listen.

The wheat field caught on fire and the whole thing burned up. Again there were fire trucks, just like with the barns. This time my friend admitted he burned he wheat field down, that I had nothing to do with it, and in fact had warned him not to do it.

He and I remained friends.

Speaking of those fifty-gallon barrels, my parents had me put the trash in them and set it on fire. Everyone burned their trash and leaves that way. I would always put my mother’s empty hairspray cans into it, run around the corner, and waited until they exploded into a mushroom cloud ten feet tall. Then I would check on them and found they always burst along a seam.

It was great.

Out of all those things, the only time I felt bad was over the barns, and that wasn’t my fault. That was the moron’s fault, and the worst thing about it, after the fact the pussy ran off and blamed it on me, was that he burned down our landlord’s barns. But then, I sort of got the impression the landlord, an old farmer, didn’t much care, because the barns were worthless, should have been torn down a long time ago – and he got his insurance money.

These days, that whole area is a new subdivision, so the barns would have been torn down anyway. He got them burned down for free, sold his fields for truckload of money, and retired a rich man.

Not so surprisingly, the moron some years later died of alcoholism. It turned out his whole family was composed of morons, because when he fell asleep on the couch and croaked, his sisters threw a glass of water on him to wake him up. Of course, he did not wake up, being dead.

The second kid became a world-famous high-rise diver.

I haven’t been involved in a fire since I was 11. I still play with matches, though (only now it’s one of those disposable Bic lighters), so there’s still hope.

A Trip to the Paradise of Cuba

I haven’t seen this guy since before 9-11, so I seriously doubt he does this anymore, because of the Security Theater at the airports, which like everything Orwellian, catches the innocent and misses the guilty.

This is what he would do: every year he would but the largest suitcase he could and fill it with blue jeans, socks, soap, toothbrushes, shampoo, perfume, make-up, toilet paper and all the rest of the items we take so much for granted we don’t even think about them.

Then he would fly to Mexico – Cancun, I believe – where the authorities would give him a separate piece of paper to be stamped instead of his passport (because you’d better not have a Cuban stamp on an American passport), then fly to Cuba.

There he would pass out all his goodies, make friends for life, buy a couple of boxes of Cuban cigars, leave the big suitcase down there, snuggle his cigars back in a little suitcase, sell them at home, and get his trip for free.

Pretty smart, I’d say.

He told me that all those things we take for granted, a lot of them Cubans don’t have. Other things they do have, but they are rationed. Toothpaste? How about one tube every six months. Clothes, food, soap? All rationed.

What do Cubans get for being so short of everything it has to be rationed? A health-care system (a very good one) that whacko leftists praise to the heavens and think should be imposed on the United States.

Okay, fine, let’s impose such a health-care system on the U.S. But let’s not pretend that to not get shortages and rationing in the health-care system itself, we’d get shortages in everything else. Because when you concentrate all your resources on the health-care system, you’re not going to have much left over for everything else.

Leftists like to pretend none of this will happen. This is why the late Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn commented, “Leftists don’t merely misunderstand human nature; they don’t understand it at all.”

After all, Americans aren’t risking their lives floating 90 miles on dangerous home-built rafts to Cuba. It’s the other way around. They’re willing to desert their vaunted health-care system…for some perfume and toothpaste

My Cat Karma is in the Plus Side

I don’t even like cats. I’m a pug person. Yet I’ve never saved a pug. But for some reason, I’ve been in two situations in which I tried to save one cat, and did save another. So, my cat karma being in the plus category, no cat can bother me again for the rest of my life.

The first encounter with the miserable world of helpless-and-harmless-animal-eating-murdercats was when I was about 11 or 12. I was walking home along a road that was deserted except for a grain elevator. Since it was Saturday, the elevator was closed.

I suddenly heard a meowing from the side of the road. When I investigated I found a kitten in the weeds. He – or she – was about two months old.

The reason I couldn’t tell if it was a he or she was the area in question was mangled beyond recognition. The bone was showing.

I was mystified as to how this mangled kitten ended up on the side of a deserted road. I had no idea how it was mangled in such a bizarre way, and still don’t have a clue. Did somebody dump it? I doubt it could have crawled from a house, the nearest one being a mile away.

I carried the cat home, told my parents, who called the vet and were told nothing could be done, so I put the kitten on a blanket in the garage and gave it some water. It didn’t last the night.

I buried it in the backyard, which was an annoyance since it was all stretched out in rigor mortis, so I had to dig a trench. It didn’t even have the decency to die curled up in a ball. Even dead, it had to torment me.

These days, I would have taken it to the vet to be euthanized, since it was beyond hope. But I was 11, maybe 12. I didn’t even know animals were euthanized.

If nothing else, I tried to make it as comfortable as possible.

In college I was delivering pizzas in the rain and found a wet cat next to a dumpster. I put him in my car and dried him off with the heater. Then he jumped on me, started purring and kneading me. It’s not going to work, cat! I’m not taking you home!

I found a dry spot and put him there. Damn cats, trying to play on my sympathy and then leaves mutilated dead mice on the front and back porches. Or brings them into house alive so it can torture them to death at its convenience. Bastards!

My next major encounter with carnivorous evil killercats was decades later, when I saw one cat fall down a storm drain after fighting with another cat. I dragged the fifty-pound manhole cover off, pulled the cat up with some wire, and so saved its utterly worthless life. It ran off without a thank-you.

I spent half-an-hour out of my life saving one member of this foul and most foreign species.

So listen up cats! After all I’ve done for you, I expect some gratitude. Since cats are incapable of gratitude, I’d appreciate it if you just left me alone. In other words, I DON’T WANT TO SAVE ANY MORE CATS!

Stop coming up to me on the street begging for food and trying to follow me home. I DON’T WANT YOU. I DON’T LIKE CATS!

Thank you very much.

Friday, December 24, 2010


When I was a child and a teenager the TVs were a lot different than the ones today. For one thing it took four people to move one because they were full of vacuum tubes, and all were supposed to look like furniture, so the exterior was made of wood. My mother used to wax ours with Lemon Pledge. She would also put decorations on top, like a bowl of wax fruit – apples and a banana.

Another thing is that for years TVs were black-and-white, so when color arrived, many of the programs were still in black-and-white. Some were in color, so when a color program was going to come on, our new color TV would announce, “In Living Color.”

Then there was the problem with the reception. TVs, which were supposed to be furniture, all looked ridiculous with rabbit ears on top. Some people opted for the cost of an outdoor antenna, which were usually about 20 feet tall and which today I still see in rural areas, along with aboveground septic tanks and outdoor clotheslines.

My dad only got the rabbit ears, which weren’t all the good. Sometimes they worked fairly well…and other times they didn’t.

When the reception was bad I became the human antenna. My father, who would not move from his recliner, would make me stand by the TV and manipulate the rabbit ears until the reception was clear.

“Okay, it’s fine,” he’d say. “Now let go.”

I’d let go and the reception would go all fuzzy, since by grabbing the antenna I became a bigger antenna.

“YOU MOVED THE ANTENNA!” he’d scream at me.

“No, I didn’t,” I told him, “When I grab the rabbit ears I become the antenna. When I let go the picture gets fuzzy.”


So I’d have to stand there for ten minutes, moving the rabbit ears millimeter by millimeter, letting go, moving them again, until finally the picture was clear.

On top of all this aggravation, I was also the remote control. “Go change the channel,” my father would order me.

“Why can’t you change it?”


The TVs in those days had rotary dials. So to piss off my father I would spin the dial, brrrip.


Click, click, click, click.


“With what? My dollar a week allowance?”


“I thought you were going to kill me. You know, you brought me into this world, blah blah blah.”


“Okay, fine!”


All parents say that. It’s as common as kids wondering if they were adopted, thinking, “These people really CAN’T be my parents!”

I much prefer the TVs of today. I do miss those rabbit ears, though. I wish I had kept ours, along with my Secret Sam Attaché Spy Briefcase

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Why so Many Bosses are Idiots

When I got out of college and into the workforce I found, much to my
surprise, I was working for semi-incompetent, semi-clueless bosses.

Based on my participation in the jobs I’ve held, I’ve come to some
conclusions as to what makes an effective leader.

1. Every boss should listen to the rebels and the “trouble-makers.” They’re
the ones who tell the truth. Every organization needs someone to tell
the emperor he has no clothes.

2. To find out what’s really going on and what needs to be changed,
ask the people at the “bottom.” They’re the ones who do most of the
work and actually know what the problems are. Not once have I seen this done in
any job I’ve had.

3. Share the planning. If you don’t no one will trust you.

4. Know when to ignore your yes-men. In fact, why do you even need
them? Usually they’re called advisors, and just because they’re advisors
doesn’t mean they know more than the workers.

5. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Just because you may have an
MBA doesn’t mean you’re right all the time. Or even most of the time. Or
even half the time. Your workers know more about what’s going on than
you do.

6. Workers have lives outside work. I once worked for a guy who
thought his workers were supposed to work 55 hours a week. He didn’t
last very long as a manager.

7. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. I worked for one place that
kept transferring people trying to make as much profit as possible.
They went out of business.

My experience has been that when people don’t follow these rules,
they have a high turnover of employees, workers not only walk off
but sabotage the place before leaving, and they file lawsuits every
chance they can.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The World as a Resentful Matriarchy

Let’s do a thought experiment and imagine a world in which women had all the high-paying, high-status jobs and men had all the dirty, dangerous jobs feminists never talk about because they certainly don’t want to do them – coal miner, steel worker, etc.

Hannah Rosin, who wrote an article, “The End of Men” and has given speeches about her beliefs (and seems to be quite gleeful about the whole thing), thinks women are taking over all the “better” jobs – lawyers, doctors, veterinarians, etc. Men, of course, would still dominate all those dangerous dirty jobs – firefighter, carpenter, etc.

What would happen in such a world? Leftists believe it would be a wonderful world and it would work just fine. But then leftists, as Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn accurately noted, don’t merely misunderstand human nature – they don’t understand it at all.

In reality this world would collapse. Such a world could be maintained temporarily by the power of the State, and to the degree the United States is heading toward this matriarchal society, it’s due to government interference, such as Affirmative Action.

As Charles Murray pointed out in his magnum opus. Human Action, men have been responsible for creating/discovering almost everything in the world. Specifically he pointed out (and this has been noticed by many others before him) it was European men, and their descendants in America, who have created/discovered 97% of everything in the world.

In other words, it’s been those disparaged and despised Dead White Males who’ve done all those things.

My thought experiment is of course extreme, a reductio ad absurdum, actually. But it makes things simpler to understand.

If women were in the position in my thought experiment, they would look around and find to their horror there would be no men to marry and have children with. So what would happen?

They would decide to have children on their own, without being married. Since an unmarried woman with a child has never been economically viable in any culture in the world, these women would have to give their children to others to raise – low-paid domestic help, day-care centers, etc.

These women would of course be outraged if these helpers cost a lot of money and would demand the government subsidize them and their children, i.e., the taxpayers, most of whom would make less money than they do. In other words, the less-well-to-do are supposed to support the better off.

Ah, the leftist delusion of a village raising a child fulfilled! For a very short while.

How would the children raised in this “village” turn out? Overall, not all that well. Some of course would grow up just fine, but to use the exception is the Fallacy of Composition – to assume what is true of one is true of everyone.

The humorist P.J. O’Rourke has written that without men civilization would last until the next oil change, and the feminist Camille Paglia has famously noted that if civilization were left in the hands of women we’d still be living in grass huts.

In other words, men created civilization, and have done this in every culture in the world. Women have generally done two things – have babies and determine the comfort level of the home.

Of course some women have contributed discoveries and inventions, but the statistics are so lopsided – thousands to one – that this difference is constitutional and not because of “oppression,” which leftists claim – and will claim until the end of time – is the cause of every problem in the world.

If indeed men were stuck in nothing but dirty and dangerous jobs, there would be little advancement in society. Society would in fact go backwards, until it collapsed and “patriarchy” was reestablished.

Women, for the most part, want husband, home and children. If denied these things, they get bitter, hostile and resentful, and blame their problems on men, rather than on themselves.

While men, when they have high-paying jobs (and wages stopped going up in the United States in 1973) don’t mind supporting women, if women had all the high-paying jobs and men all the dirty, dangerous ones, would they support men?

A few would, but most would be outraged. So what society would be stuck with are bitter, resentful career women unable to find husbands, so they have children on their own (many of which will grow up with problems), give them to others to raise, while the unmarried men would drink and see hookers.

What a life, and what a society.

“Patriarchy” is inevitable. Being side-tracked from it is causing some horrible things, which I suspect are going to be worse before they get better.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Invasion of the Bureaucrats

The Scene: a Restaurant and the Street Outside.

Grammy: I’ll have a cheeseburger, a piece of cheesecake and one of those drinks with the little umbrella in it.

Waiter (apologetically): Sorry, ma’am, but this morning the government has declared those foods harmful, so we can no longer serve them. They're illegal.

Grammy: The drink with the umbrella isn’t a food. Can I still have one?

Waiter: Nope.

Grammy: What do you have? (Looks at menu.) Raw carrots? Decaffeinated herbal tea? Zucchini? Are you trying to finish me off?

Waiter: The government is here to protect us, ma’am.

Grammy: It isn’t here to protect me or anyone else. It’s here to hurt all of us. (exits restaurant)

Bureaucrat (glaring at Grammy): Wait a minute! My Sooper-Dooper Advanced Nanny-State Snooper indicates you have tobacco on you!

Grammy: What?

Bureaucrat: In your purse you have a pack of unfiltered Camels! Hand them over!

Grammy: Who are you?

Bureaucrat: A government bureaucrat!

Grammy: Get lost.

Bureaucrat: Tobacco has been illegal since this morning! Now hand them over or I’ll shoot you!

Grammy: Okay. (opens her purse, takes out a Colt Python .357 Magnum and points it at the bureaucrat’s head) You were saying?

Bureaucrat: You can’t do that! I work for the federal government!

Grammy: You’re going to be a dead ex-bureaucrat in about two seconds if you don’t hand over your pistol. You’re a disgrace.

Bureaucrat: Okay! Sure! Whatever you want, ma’am!

Grammy: Look at you, crying like that cop in “Thelma and Louise.” And you’ve pissed your pants, too. You’re nothing but a bully hiding behind bad laws. If you’re a decent human being than I’m a banana. Now go away before I get really mad. Treat an old lady like that. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Bureaucrat: Oh, I am!

Grammy: No, you’re not. You’re a liar. Now go away and if I ever see you here again I’ll shoot your left nut off, then your right one. Would you like that?

Bureaucrat: N - n - no!

Grammy: Git!

Bureacrat: I’m gone!

Grammy (lighting up a Camel): Buncha morons. And if people don’t do anything about it they’ll take over the world. But not if me and my pistol have any say about it. Yay for .357 Magnums making punks into polite people!

Waiter: Here’s your drink.

Without Men, There is No Civilization

In college I walked out of the back door of the house I was living in just in
time to see two women put a quart of oil in the engine of the VW convertible Bug one owned.

I dashed over, yelling, “STOP!!”

“Why?” one asked, confused.

“Because that’s the CARBURETOR!!” I yelled.

She and her friend had poured the entire quart of oil down the carburetor. I had to take the carburetor off and clean it out. It took a while, but I finally got the car running. After three days. I told them they should give the car to me before they destroyed it completely. They declined.

I also knew a woman who, when her car wouldn’t start, hit the battery posts with a hammer. She broke a post off. End of battery. She also thought the way to tell if a car needed oil was to wait until the red oil light came on. She also blew up an engine driving it when the thermostat was stuck closed. She didn’t believe it would blow up, even though I guaranteed her it would.

I’ve also gotten two women’s cars – both of whom were strangers – running by simply cleaning the battery posts. One was in a gas station and one at a bank. I also once changed a woman’s tire in a parking lot, staring at her in disbelief as she tried to change it by herself with the wrong tools. She couldn’t figure out how to loosen the first bolt.

The humorist P.J. O’Rourke has written that without men civilization would last until the next oil change. I’d have to agree with him.

The feminist Camille Paglia, though a lesbian, is surprisingly not a man-hater. In fact, she understands that men created civilization, and has famously written that if civilization was left in the hands of women, we’d be living in grass huts. I’d agree with her, too.

I am completely mystified how some women, maybe even most, have no sense when it comes to the simplest of mechanical things. I know a mechanic who won’t let his wife drive the car. I understand. For another example, again in college, I found a woman trying to take the front door off the hinges with a screwdriver.

When I asked her what she was doing, she said the door wouldn’t shut, so she was going to take the door off the hinges to find out why. I told her doors don’t come off using screwdrivers, especially using little toy plastic ones about three inches long, then spent ten seconds diagnosing the problem, got my hammer and pounded down a finishing nail that popped up from the floor, preventing the door from closing.

Occasionally, let’s say when I’m outside, I’ll look around and subtract everything invented by men. What’s left? Almost nothing. Cars, houses, streets, heating, cooling, advanced technological society, advanced intellectual accomplishments, medicine, dentistry – gone. What’s left? Paglia’s grass huts.

There are no female Aristotles, Newtons, Eulers or Einsteins. I wish there were, but there aren’t. Women in general do two things: have babies and determine the comfort level of the home – otherwise most men would live in a pigsty.

I once worked at a place that employed mostly women. At the end of the shift they would all gather together and complain about men. Women may think men complain about women, but they don’t, not to the degree women complain about men. It’s not even one percent compared to what
women do.

The difference is that when men complain about women, their complaints are almost always justified. Women, on the other hand, always seem to have vague complaints that consist mostly of blaming their problems on men. And it’s always about their relationships.

These women would complain and complain and do it in front of me as if I was invisible. The other men who worked there were never around when these whine-fests erupted…which was every night. Maybe that’s why they were never around.

I also know that when many wives get together they mostly complain about their husbands. Do they think they married down?

I thought, what do these women want? Men have created/discovered close to 100% of everything in the world, in fact created civilization, and apparently that isn’t enough for them?

I occasionally run across women who tell me, if women were in charge we wouldn’t have this or that bad thing. I ask them, so men created civilization and are supposed to hand the keys over to you because you think you can do a better job?

That problem is that they didn’t know what men have done, and if told, probably wouldn’t believe it. Some of them think there is a suppressed history of women geniuses who invented all kinds of wonderful things, or that they are as a sex “oppressed,” which is a close-to-meaningless phrase that’s supposed to explain everything.

It’s a bizarre situation…one sex that has created civilization, and the other one has created almost nothing and complains about the gifts given to them.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Laws of Political Science

The primary subject of political science is the struggle for political and
economic power.

Political words cannot be taken at face value.

The only permanent war is between the “elites” and the masses.

The masses are almost always inert, i.e. sheeple.

History and political science is the study of the elites and their relationships
with the masses.

Politics is based on Force and Fraud.

The primary goal of every elite is to maintain its own power and privilege.

Two opposing tendencies apply to all elites: to maintain its own power and
privilege, and to let in those from below.

The second one always wins, which is why no social structure is permanent.

A “revolution” is when the elites are replaced by another, oftentimes when those
from below force their way in..

A very small minority always rule the majority.

The only way to stop the elites from absorbing everything is through
opposition, which is why liberty is necessary and imperative.

A very small opposition can have a great impact.

There is no such thing as “the State” or “government,” only several groups
of elites who have gained political power.

The elites always say they speak for the masses when in reality they only
speak for their selves.

The elites can manipulate the masses through propaganda.

Sometimes the interests of the elites and the masses coincide.

The masses do not, in fact cannot, think.

Since the masses cannot think, they are maintained by “myths” which
generally espouse their own greatness and the non-humanity of their

Wars are started based on the beliefs of the elites.

Soldiers are propagandized into believing they are fighting and dying for the
defense of their country when it reality it is for the beliefs of the elite, which
results in the maintenance of the power and privilege of the elites.

War is therefore a racket, as is “government” in general.

Only power can control power.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Jesus as Machiavellian Libertarian

As James Burnham pointed out in his book, The Machiavellians, Machiavelli and his followers were held in low regard for many years because they only described politics as they saw it, but did not prescribe any cures.

In the sense of describing the problem, I would consider Jesus a Machiavellian, although in his case, he not only diagnosed, but offered a cure. These days, politically, what he offered might be considered libertarianism (depending on how you define it) or perhaps classical liberalism, which has nothing to do with the fascist/socialist perversion so prevalent today.

What Machiavelli and his followers, such as Vilfredo Pareto, offered was an analysis of society based on what it is, not on what it is supposed to be. The primary subject of their thought was the struggle for political power between the “elites” (I use that term neutrally) and the masses.

Pareto referred to the elites as either Lions who used force, or Foxes who use fraud. Both used the power of the State to maintain their power and privilege and to oppress and exploit the masses. In other words, politics, as Lenin noticed, is about who does what to whom.

Jesus used some of the same words that Machiavelli and Pareto did. He referred to the elites of his days as foxes and wolves (he once insulted Herod as a female fox – a vixen). He also referred to them as vipers and said they would steal the last cent from widows and orphans (by the way, the “scribes” in his day are equivalent to lawyers who today infest Congress).

Libertarians use the word “State” to describe political power generally, and political power ultimately is the power to turn a man into a corpse. However, the “State,” strictly speaking, does not exist.

What we have instead are various groups who have gained political power, which they use to maintain their power and privilege and use to exploit “the masses.” The use of the word “State,” though, is fine as long as it’s understood what it really stands for – a reification, a word that refers to something that does not actually exist.

Jesus described his followers as sheep and himself as the Good Shepherd. Pareto also referred to the mass of people as sheep, shorn by the Lions and Foxes. The problem throughout history (and I believe this is so obvious there can be no argument) is that nearly all rulers have been Bad Shepherds.

Using the analysis of the Machiavellians – and Jesus – it’s clear that ultimately political power is by far more bad than good. This is why in one of his Three Temptations Jesus rejected the political power over the kingdoms of the world that was offered to him by Satan.

Not once in any of his sayings did Jesus say a good thing about political power, In fact, it was that power that led to his death, when the Roman government and the Jewish elites of his time had him executed. It has always amazed me that even though Jesus was murdered by the State people even today support the State as benevolent, as a never-empty breast from which all goodness flows, instead of seeing it for what it is – the greatest mass murderer in history.

The masses are indeed not only sheep, they are sleep-walking sheep, often being led over a cliff to their deaths. This has been the lesson of history, over and over, and yet the sheep never learn.

The fact that Jesus clearly understood the immense destructive power of the State and never supported it is why I dismiss as non-Christian any “Christian” who supports the State and political power. Most of these “Christians,” unfortunately, are so deluded they believe the State would work just fine as long as they were in control of it. This is not only nonsense, it’s dangerous nonsense.

As Lord Action wrote, power tends to corrupt, and absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely. Or as I put it, power intoxicates, and immunity corrupts. This applies to “Christians’ who support the State. The devil can quote Scripture to suit his purposes, and as the contemplatives of old told us repeatedly, many people cannot tell the difference between God and Satan, even if they are fanatically convinced they are Christians.

People, as John D. McDonald wrote, are “herd animals, social and imitative.” And herd animals follow leaders, not only following them but
oftentimes idealizing them, even if they are the worst of Bad Shepherds. Even today, there are Germans who still defend Hitler, Russians who defend Stalin, and Americans who defend Lincoln.

We’d probably be better off if the human race had evolved from dogs, with their goofy sunny manic natures. I doubt we could be any worse than we are now.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

People Who Don’t Make Lots of Money Are Worthless Bums Who Should Die

Wages stopped going up in the United States in 1973. except for the very wealthy, whose income has been sky-rocketing. They didn’t do it through the free market; they did it through theft. They’ve captured the government, i.e., your typically spineless politician (most of whom are lawyers and therefore lower than child molesters), and have written laws to enrich themselves at the expense of everyone else.

In other words, contra Rush Limbaugh (who used to live on unemployment) if a person can’t make a decent living today, it’s not their fault. The fault lies with the government, most especially through crushing taxation and destruction of money through the Federal Reserve Bank, which is not federal, has no reserves, and if it’s a bank, then I’m a banana.

Used to be, a man could work 40 hours a week and make a very good living, enough to support himself, his wife, two kids, and have a nice middle-class house with a yearly vacation. Those days are gone. These days, both spouses have to work, they’re always in debt, and if they have one kid, it ends up in daycare at about two years old. That’s no way for a family to live, and no way for any child to grow up.

The old saying tells us, the business of America is business. The belief is, you’re supposed to be economically successful, and if you aren’t you have no one to blame but yourself.

This belief ignores the fact half the people in this country have IQs less than 100. They’re not going to be doctors, lawyers or even high school graduates, unless they’re given the degrees. In the not-so-distant past they could make a good living doing blue-collar work. Not anymore.

In point of fact, it’s gotten to the point you can’t make a decent living these days unless your IQ is 120 or above, which is less than ten percent of the population. If your IQ is 125 and above, it’s about five percent of the population. The other 90%-95% of the population, well, there are minimum-wage jobs as janitor, pizza deliverer, etc. And there’s collecting aluminum cans, too. And don’t forget about crime, say prostitution and drug-dealing.

Bye bye middle class!

I’ve read one percent of the people in the U.S. own anywhere from one-third to 40% of the wealth. I repeat: the free market did not do that. If I had to describe what has happened, I’d use the word “fascism,” which is a marriage of the State and corporations (or as I like to refer to them, Cosmodemonic Transnational Megacorporations).

Of course, none of it can last. It always collapses, and if the collapse of society after society has anything in common, it is, as St. Paul wrote, the lust (not love) of money, which results in corruption, brutality and theft, and trying to turn people in wage slaves/indentured servants.

It's amazing how stupid the human race is. I'm amazed we've survived.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

How to Prevent Yourself from being Brainwashed

Since it is the nature of people to understand stories more easily than most anything else, I will tell one. Let’s call it a fairytale.

Once upon a time, not so long ago and not so far away, there was a large, prosperous village than unfortunately had an idiot for a king. Unfortunately, his advisors were idiots, too.

Down the road a bit was another village, one that was tiny and poor and not a threat at all to our large, prosperous village. Somehow, the Idiot King, along with his idiot advisors, got it in their heads the poor, tiny village had a insane homicidal maniac for a king. Along with that, many of the people in the village were also supposed to be insane homicidal maniacs.

“They are evil and are going to attack us for our goodness,” exclaimed the Idiot King. “We have to attack them first in self-defense. How do we get the public to march off to war?”

“We will use propaganda,” said one of his idiot advisors. “The techniques have been around for a long time and even an idiot could use them.”

“Really?” asked the Idiot King, who was generally quite incurious about most everything. “Then it should be easy for us.”

“There are four main techniques for successful propaganda,” his advisor explained. “First, we have to stress emotion over logic, but convince people they are being logical.”

“Works for me,” said the Idiot King.

“Then,” the advisor continued, “we have to demonize the enemy, but convince people the enemy really is evil.”

“That’s because they are!” frowned the Idiot King.

“Third,” said the advisor, “tell people that by destroying the enemy the world will be safer, and will lead to a better world for us and them.”

“It certainly will!” exclaimed the Idiot King joyfully.

“Fourth,” the advisor continued, “idealize yourself, your country, your government, your military. By idealizing yourself and devaluing the enemy they can be transformed into evil monsters ‘attacking us for our goodness.’”

“The things you can learn just by listening,” the Idiot King said admiringly.

So the Idiot King and his idiot advisors told the people of the village (many of whom were idiots themselves) that the tiny poor village down the road was inhabited by monsters!! Evil, insane homicidal monsters who would go to any extreme to attack our large prosperous village and destroy it.

So of course many of the people of our large prosperous village grabbed their pitchforks and clubs and axes and marched down the road, attacked the poor tiny village, killed the King and many of the inhabitants.

Many of the inhabitants of the poor tiny village fled into woods, and when they caught one of the invaders of their village they killed him.

“This is really surprising,” commented the Idiot King, puzzled. “I thought they would welcome us as liberators, throwing flowers at us and maybe even the women showing us their boobs.”

“You’d think so,” said his advisors, just as puzzled.

One of the inhabitants of our large prosperous village was a four-year-child who had no home so he slept with the village dogs to keep warm. Though this child was poor and homeless, an idiot this child was not.

“If the Idiot King has asked me,” the child told his dogs, who listened attentively, “I could have told him his attack wouldn’t work. For one thing, you can conquer a country on horseback, but you have to dismount to rule.”

His dogs nodded their approval.

“If people weren’t sleep-walkers,” the child said to the dogs, who looked impressed, “they’d never believe anything their government says.”

“Uh huh,” chorused the dogs.

The child thought for a while, then said, “If people want to prevent being brainwashed and falling for propaganda, perhaps they should use logic over hysterical emotion. Perhaps knowing some logical fallacies might help.”

“Post hoc, ergo propter hoc,” said one of the dogs.

“‘Because of this, therefore that’,” said the child. “Just because something precedes something doesn’t mean it causes it. You must analyze the situation and discover what the true causes are.”

“Yep,” commented a dog.

“Perhaps,” the child said pensively, “we should never allow ourselves to demonize anyone. There is no one in the world who is pure good or pure evil.”

The dogs smirked, knowing they were better than humans in that way.

“And never believe in Utopia,” the child said thoughtfully. “It’s always based on the belief in getting rid of those evil people. ‘The butcher is held in great esteem in Harmony,’ I read somewhere.”

The dogs listened in awe.

“Never idealize your government, your country, or your military,” pondered the child. “All such idealizations are hubris, and hubris is always followed by nemesis – destruction.”

“Pride goes before destruction,” one of the dogs added. “And a haughty spirit before a fall. That’s in the Bible somewhere.”

“Someday people will smirk at people who in the past believed in witches, monsters, dragons, and so on,” the child finished. “But they’ll be no different than we are, because, if brainwashing and propaganda can be defined in one sentence, it’s convincing people monsters are attacking our village, so we have to kill them.”

“You’re pretty smart for a human,” one dog said.

“Like anyone’s going to listen to a four-year-old child,” the child observed.

“Or a dog, for that matter,” said one of the dogs sadly.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Great-Grandmother Hospitalizes TSA 'Perverts'

FROSTBITE FALLS MN – The federal government has declined to press charges against Ruth "Grammy" Gordon, an 87-year-old wheelchair-bound great-grandmother who hospitalized what she called “six TSA sex perverts” after an altercation with them last week, in which she claimed one tried to sexually molest her and the rest tried to assault her.

"Justice has been served," said the 85-pound mother of three, grandmother of six and great-grandmother of one, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her breathing by an oxygen bottle. "Now I'm going to sue every fool in the federal government for ignorance, stupidity, and just plain general incompetence. I'm an American, and I won't be treated like this."

The problem began last week as Gordon attempted to board an airplane at the Rocket J. Squirrel Airport in Frostbite Falls. "These guys are supposed to be some kind of professionals," she said, "but they're dumber than rocks. This ‘security’ is all just lousy theater, and any quarter-witted terrorist could find a way around it.”

Gordon said the problems started when a “fat guy with a crewcut, tattoos and a hostile look told me he was going to feel my breasts and my mommy parts to see if I had bombs hidden in them. You know what? I don’t think so.”

Gordon said she got the startle of her life when she realized the person “trying to grope me wasn’t a man! Buncha perverts! Where do they get these people? Did they empty some sex pervert prison somewhere?”

Gordon said she then defended herself against this attempted sexual assault. Videotapes showed that she ran the guard down with her motorized wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming woman while spinning her chair in circles. "Doofus was so fat she couldn't get up," said Gordon with a giggle.

Another guard who attempted to pull Gordon's wheelchair off of the screaming woman from behind was hit over the head with an oxygen bottle and knocked unconscious. A third guard, who approached Gordon from the front, was also left dazed on the floor, with a lump on his forehead. Witnesses said she was cackling, "Put your hands on an
old lady, will you?" as she pounded both downed guards unmercifully with her bottle.

The tape also showed a fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon's wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting needle from her purse and stabbed him in his left buttock. "What a wimp," she told reporters. "He started screaming and grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone kicked. And he ran off with my favorite knitting needle stuck in his fat ass."

"It was amazing," said another witness, Boris Badanov, who declined to give any information about himself except that he worked in the animation industry. "The whole crowd just stood there cheering and clapping. I mean, she opened a big can of whoop-ass on them,” he said.

A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of his pants set on fire with a cigarette lighter she had in her purse. "Zippos are the best for this sort of work,” Gordon said with a big smile. “The pervert just went whoosh across the concourse, screaming and slapping at all these flames flying out of his rear. They must give these people really cheap uniforms.”

The sixth and last guard approached Gordon with a raised fist. "I think that was the wrong thing to do," said another witness, who declined to be identified. "She just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one hand and punched him – “

“ – right in the gonads,” Gordon finished. “If they think they can assault my private parts, I’ll return the favor. And I got him in both of them with one punch.”

“The guard got all cross-eyed,” the unnamed witness noticed. “Then he bent over with his hands over his frank and beans, fell on his side, curled up in the fetal position and started moaning. She really got medieval on his – uh, this nut.”

After all the ruckus was over, Gordon's chair was still sitting on top of the first guard. The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling, "Apologize to me, you fat ugly sumbitch, or when I'm done with you you'll just be a greasy spot on the floor!"

As the crowd roared with laughter, the guard cried, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uncle! I won't do it again! I promise! Please let me up!"

Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and was taken to jail and released on her own recognizance. "We didn't have any choice," said an unidentified officer of the court. "Over 5000 people showed up to support her. I think if we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot."

Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing the precariousness of the case, the feds decided to not charge Gordon with anything. "I doubt there's a jury in the whole country that would have found her guilty of any charge, especially after we found all six guards had police records we didn’t notice when they were hired," said a sweating TSA official who wished to remain anonymous.

All six TSA agents were released from the hospital after their injuries were treated, immediately terminated from their TSA positions, and arrested on outstanding warrants ranging from indecent exposure to lewd conduct in a public restroom to bestiality resulting in the death of a farmyard animal. “We believe it was a chicken,” said a source who wished to remain anonymous.

"I'm flying again tomorrow," Gordon told reporters. "And I suggest no one at the airport so much as look at me wrong. And if they think they’re going to search my three-year-old great-granddaughter for bombs in her panties, they better think twice about that, too. Otherwise, another six perverts are going to get beaten up."

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Sex and Love as Sacred Ritual

“Keep order in space,
And order in time,
For disorder is chaos,
And chaos is crime.”
* Anonymous

Some time ago I read Jean Auel’s novel, The Valley of the Horses, and at first was puzzled by it. In it there were some very graphic sex scenes, not exactly pornography, but more than erotica. I wondered what she was doing, since this novel appears to have been written for young teens.

I realized Auel was writing instruction manuals not for just sex, but also for love. She was portraying both as a sacred ritual – and ritual means order, meaning, importance, community. Auel was not writing pornography, and not even erotica.
She called these rituals “the First Rites of Pleasure” and in them she pointed out the differences between men and women, the same differences I’ve seen in comedy, such as device that had one on/off dial for men, and 17 different-sized dials for women.

Auel also wrote about courtship. Unfortunately, there is no longer any sort of ritual these days involved in courtship, not really. I’ve read there were in the past, long before my time, ones such as sitting on the front porch until parents turned the porch light off, meaning it was time to go home. It may sound silly, but I understand it – it was a ritual, and ritual is very important to humans, even if they don’t know it.

In the U.S. for a long time it was supposed to be “dinner and a movie.” When I was in high school it wasn’t even that. We went cruising and to parties. It was a weekend ritual, and very fun one at that. But courtship rituals? We didn’t have them, not really. And rites and rituals, I’ll repeat, are what give us order, meaning, importance and community.

In the late 1970s, Lawrence Stone, an Oxford historian of family life, saw signs that the existing marriage and family order were giving way to a “new, more loosely structured, less emotionally and sexually cohesive, far more temporary” set of arrangements. Note what he wrote: “less emotionally and sexually cohesive.”
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead writes: “Every society has an institutionalized mating system to guide men and women as they pair off. Mating regimes vary across eras and cultures—ranging from stately diplomatic negotiations between families to mock or real bride capture—but each tends to be fairly stable over time. In Western societies, the dominant mating regime has long rested on romantic courtship leading to long-lasting marriage. But all that is now changing. Courtship is dying…”

These days? Hmm. Tom Wolfe, in his book, Hooking Up, writes of teenagers having sexual contact without even kissing each other. I actually had that experience more than once in college. It never meant a thing to me.

People will always evolve rites and rituals. Some are better than others. Some advance civilization; others send it backward, sometimes into chaos.

American society has evolved, bizarrely, in a way in which many parents, or anyone else for that matter, don’t instruct their children in the relationships between men and women. You’re supposed to learn it on your own.

I am reminded of the movie, Shenandoah, in which James Stewart is instructing Doug McClure about the ways of women before McClure marries Stewart’s daughter. And in the next room, a woman is instructing McClure’s wife-to-be about the ways of men. It was all very funny.

Do these things happen anymore? Not that I’ve ever seen. Again, you’re supposed to learn everything on your own – sex, love, relationships, the differences between men and women. All of it, on your own. That’s not the way it should be.

I remember being almost completely mystified when I became interested in girls in the seventh grade. I understood the sex part, because I found a medical book at home, and taught myself from it. But everything else? I was clueless and had to learn it on my own. A lot of it wasn’t much fun.

I do remember in the sixth grade we were shown a film, apparently about puberty. The boys were shown one film; the girls another. It was one film only, and I don’t remember a thing about it.

I also remember that when I was 16, in one class I sat next to a bookshelf on which were books from the Fifties. I glanced through one and remember there were instructions about how a teenage boy should avoid an erection at all costs (“Run? I can’t even walk!”).

I suppose almost everyone wants the First Time to mean something. Almost always, it doesn’t, unless that person is very lucky. Usually, it’s as Billy Joel sang: sooner or later it comes down to fate, so I might as well be the one.

That’s not the way it should be. Personally, I’d prefer Auel’s society. I think most everyone else would, too.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Coffee as a Healthful Food

My father is 78 years old; my mother, 72. My mother was weaned on coffee and has never drunk milk. She says it tastes like chalk.

I believe her three or four cups of coffee a day are why she is in better physical shape than my father. My father has prostate cancer (treated), macular degeneration (treated, but slowly getting worse),
diabetes (treated) and has had quintuple-bypass heart surgery.

My mother has none of those health problems. Her main one is that she has smoked since she was about 15 and only recently quit. Her smoking has thinned out her bones and also clogged up her blood vessels.

Coffee contains a fair amount of antioxidants and is also good for your brain, heart, liver and kidneys. I believe all the coffee she has drunk since she was a baby has protected her from the diseases afflicting my father.

When I was a kid I tried to drink her coffee. Ack! She boiled her coffee in one of those aluminum coffee pots with the glass bulb on top. It was horrible.

Years later I found you are not supposed to boil coffee, since it burns the oil. When I bought good coffee and fixed it correctly, I found the difference between good and bad coffee is the difference between Ripple and good wine.

It is of course safe to give children coffee. It’s better than giving them soda, whether with sugar or artificial sweeteners. Incidentally, diabetes was originally called “sugar diabetes,” because sugar is what overwhelmingly causes diabetes. Unfortunately but not unsurprisingly, we have having an explosion of diabetes among children.

Blueberries contains a great many antioxidants, so many that coffee isn’t even in the same league. So what I do is put blueberries in my coffee. Some day I’ll learn how to make blueberry wine.

I only drink one cup of coffee a day, in the morning when I take my dog for a walk. Otherwise I pretty much drink black tea, which also is good for you, the same reason coffee is, although it is far weaker.

I don’t drink much water. After all, let’s remember what W.C. Fields said about water.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Meaningless High School

When I was in high school my life consisted mainly of four things: high school, family, partying, and science-fiction. The first two were close to meaningless, and the last two meant a lot. In fact, they were pretty much the focus of my high school life.

It took me years to figure out what the answer was to that puzzle of why the first two meant so little and the last two so much. I didn't have a bad family life. It was just that, like a lot of kids then and now, family just didn't mean that much (I'm sure I would have realized just how much it meant if I didn't have it). Finally, I realized the answer was pretty simple: it had to do with meaning. The first two had little meaning to me; the last two a great deal. Everything has to have meaning, or it's not really worth doing or having.

For the last few decades there has been a lot of controversy among many people about the break-up of families. They have a point, and it's an important one. But when families are intact, there is something else little noticed but very important. As Ortega y Gassett has written, "People do not live together merely to be together. They live together to do something together."

Because of the way American life has evolved (in large part due to the interference of the State), there was no place for most teenagers when I was growing up, in society or the family. It's no different today. Teenagers have been marginalized for a long time, including in the family, even if it's not purposely done. Lots of teenager's lives don't have much purpose or meaning, even in their families. There is no true sense of community. That, I realized, was one of the main problems.

A few years ago I was in Memphis, sitting in a mall on a Friday night with a woman I know, waiting for a movie to start. I watched the same kids circle the mall, widdershins. That's all they were doing. I especially remember two girls, dressed like Goths, who I saw four times as they circled, before we left for the movie. That was the meaning and purpose of a lot of their life for these teenage girls. Walking in circles around the mall on a Friday night.

Not long ago I was in Chicago, in another mall on Saturday morning. I saw the same behavior among teenagers I saw in Memphis.

It wasn't always like what I saw. The only book by Laura Ingalls Wilder I've read is Farmer Boy, her biography of the life of her husband, Almanzo Wilder, when he was ten years old and growing up on a farm. I was surprised by his life, which wasn't all that long ago -- in the 1860's.

Almanzo had a place and a purpose in the family, and an important one. The functioning of the farm was very much dependent on him, and Almanzo didn't mind at all. He enjoyed it a great deal. How many teenagers today can say the same? How many today just live with their families, but don't truly feel part of them? As for school -- ugh.

There was something very interesting about Almanzo's life. He hated school passionately and apparently only attended a few months at the most in his entire life. Yet he grew up intelligent and well-read.

He also remembered nearly everything that happened to him when he was young. I remember little, mostly because I spent most of my time in school, and it was the same meaningless thing day after day. I couldn't tell one day from the other. I have few memories from inbetween the ages of seven and 10. I'm not the only one.

So, school, too, is a major part of the problem with teenagers today. Many have little purpose or meaning in their families, and even less in school. Unfortunately, to borrow a phrase from John Taylor Gatto, the purpose of government factory schools is indoctrination. That's why it puzzled me at first why family and school didn't mean that much to me. I especially had no place, or meaning, or purpose, in school. Indoctrination is not education, and it's always boring and never has any meaning.

Almanzo had an important place in the family, but no place in school. That's why he hated it. School meant nothing to him, and it bored him. It isn't any different today.

When I was in high school, we formed our own little communities. The same thing happens today. We called them "cliques" back then. To a degree I found it amusing even at the time. For one thing, in the one I belonged to, we all dressed exactly the same, from head to feet. It was the uniform for our community. More than anything else, what I remember from high school is the group I belonged to, and how we dressed.

The only acceptable shoes were Hush Puppies (I don't even know if they exist these days). Dark socks. White sweat socks? Ack! "Greasers" wore them. I didn't even know what the heck a greaser was. None of us did.

Pants? Blue jeans as long as they were Levi's. They had to have the welt down the outside, and be flares, which were sort of a modified bell-bottom. Shirts? I remember flannel shirts were okay in the winter, as long as they were worn with a blue peacoat. No button-up shirts, especially with short sleeves. Pure Nerdsville. No hats were acceptable, either. Long hair was an imperative. Mine was down inbetween my shoulder blades.

Sound silly? Not really. It was the uniform of our community. It was part of the ritual. And without ritual, community and meaning, you'll get not much more than alienation.

As for the purpose and meaning of my group, there was exactly one: partying on the weekends. And I'll tell you what: I had a great time. I belonged to a true community, and all of us had a meaning and purpose. It was nothing that could last for life -- partying never does -- but for those few years, it was wonderful. When I told one of my friends stories of my teenage years he admitted years later he was envious of me, because his high-school years consisted of him and his best friend sitting in the basement eating popcorn and watching TV. While I was on an island with 500 people, partying around a bonfire.

The science fiction, I knew even at the time, gave me what is commonly called "a sense of wonder." I traveled from one end of the universe to the other, from the beginning of time to the end. It was amazing stuff -- meaningful stuff, to me -- and to this day I still read it. Even in jr. high and high school I knew it was a reaction against the boredom of both. I just drifted away in my imagination, which at the time was more vivid than life.

When the Harry Potter books came out, and I saw they were so popular that kids dressed like him, I understood why. Harry also had no place in his family. It wasn't even his real family. He was an outsider, an outcast, a scapegoat. I think that's one of the reasons for the popularity of the books, because even many small kids realize they don't have any true place or meaning in their families. It wasn't until Harry went away to Hogwarts that he was given a place in his new family, and a meaning -- in his case, a very important meaning.

Is it any wonder those books are so popular?

I've come to the conclusion there is no hope for the public schools. They bore kids, they destroy their imaginations, they give them no meaning or purpose. I'd shut them down on the spot if I could. How many kids like school? Almost none. Doesn't that tell people something?

Why in the world do we need 12 years of schooling anyway? What exactly does it take 12 years to learn? And that doesn't include college and graduate and post-graduate work. Is all of this necessary? It isn't a good thing, of that I am convinced.

I read an article several months ago about a rather strange man who lived in a cave with his 12-year-old daughter. He taught her out of a set of old encyclopedias. When the police finally found them, investigators said the daughter was "unusually intelligent and knowledgeable."

I'm certainly not recommending living in a cave with your kid, only pointing out perhaps schools are only not necessary, maybe they are instead a obstacle to true education. Watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off sometime. It reminds me of a nightmare I sometimes have: it is the last day of high school, and for some horrible reason I won't graduate and have to go another year. It is the only nightmare I have repeatedly.

It'd be better if a lot of kids started as apprentices at 12 years old. I've known several people who just simply could not finish high school. All of them later became successful in their field. One friend who lived next door to me when we were in high school dropped out, and later became an airline pilot. None of them could find a place, a meaning and a purpose in schools they attended.

As for families, I do know one thing; the State is the cause of most of their problems. Interference by public schools, interference in the economy, destruction of neighborhoods and communities...all of these things are created and exacerbated by the State. Interference by the State takes away the meaning and purpose of people's lives, and tries to replace it with its meaning, which is generally bureaucracy, militarization, war and empire.

The State does a lot of bad things to people. Taking away a true meaning to their lives and replacing it with false one is one of the worst. Or, as Robert Nisbet put it in his The Quest for Community, "The conflict between the central power of the political State, and the whole set of functions and authorities contained in church, family, guild and local community has been, I believe, the main source of those dislocations of social structure and the uprootings of status which lie behind the problem of community in our age."

Oh, yes. Oh, yes, indeed.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Nutrition and Mental Illness

When I was about 20 years old I read an article that pointed out that during WWII no wheat could make its way into northern Europe, and doctors found to their surprise the incidence of schizophrenia declined substantially.

Years later I found that “primitive” cultures world-wide fermented their grains, i.e., let them sit for two or three days (or longer) with cultured milk such as yogurt or kefir or buttermilk, or sometimes,
apple-cider vinegar.

This fermentation destroyed gluten in the wheat, and increased the availability of other vitamins and minerals. For some people, the gluten and other chemicals in grains moves undigested into their bloodstream and hence to their brain – this is what is known as celiac disease or gluten insensitivity.

Obviously, in northern Europe, they had forgotten how to ferment their grains, thus the rise in schizophrenia.

No one should have undigested food in their bloodstream. It causes allergies. For those susceptible, it affects their brain and causes schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression and
other mental and emotional disturbances – including psychosis..

Not too long ago I had to get the MRR vaccine. I had a reaction, not to the vaccine, which comprises dead viruses, but to the egg yoke the vaccines are grown upon. This undigested protein in my blood made me mildly ill for about 24 hours.

Now imagine someone who eats grains every day, and does not know they have some form of gluten insensitivity, and so suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety or depression because of the effect of undigested food upon their brain.

I have read cases on the internet of people who merely by quitting all grains within a few weeks quit the psychiatric medication they had been taking for 20 years for their bipolar disorder.

Personally, I don’t eat grains except for soured oatmeal, which I let sit for two days with some yogurt in it. All it does is give to the oatmeal a pleasantly sour taste.

If I was a doctor and encountered someone with a mental/emotional “disease” the first thing I would do is take them off of all grains, and that includes the gluten that is in so much of our canned goods. Check this out, and you’ll find it is true.

The second thing I would do if I was a doctor is check the Vitamin D level in their blood. Vitamin D is not a vitamin, but a hormone, and the lack of it is implicated in a dozen diseases.

I knew a woman whose husband was just fine when they lived in Houston. When they moved to Alaska he developed late-onset paranoid schizophrenia. She knew it was caused by the lack of sunlight. Sunlight not only causes our skin to produce Vitamin D but also stimulates our pineal gland though our eyes.

The third thing I would if I was a doctor is send the patient to a dentist and pull every mental filling out of their teeth. Our acupuncture meridians are minute DC electrical currents, and they end on every one of our teeth.

These currents can be checked with a EDS (Electro-Dermal Screening) machine or with an EAV (Electro-Acupuncture According to Voll) machine. Both units are essentially the same.

These currents are our most essential (and primitive) healing system, and acupuncture points are booster stations, which is why acupuncture needles, placed in those points, increases the healing current.

Metal fillings (which consist of more than one metal) are tiny batteries placed permanently in our mouths, and being bathed in saliva can profoundly upset those currents. I had one dentist tell me he saw six cases of cancer out of seven spontaneously remit about he took his patients’ fillings out. He also told me 80% of them got better just by taking out their fillings.

The next step is that I would check for cavitations – infected bone – in the wisdom tooth area. They are very common, caused by dentists who pull wisdom teeth and don’t grind out the ligaments, and it goes without saying that infected bone can do nothing except cause disease, including mental/emotional disturbances.

I personally knew one woman who had an infected root canal removed, and the next day was off of her anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, and anti-psychotic “medicine.” She was not only suffering from anxiety and depression, but “disorganized thoughts,” thus the anti-psychotic medication.

Let’s see…removal of grains, Vitamin D, cleaning up dental problems. What else would I do if I was a doctor?

I’d do a hair analysis to check the mineral balance in the body, so I could see what minerals the patient was short, or if they had excess heavy metals in their body (such as mercury from metal fillings). That takes care of nutrition.

I knew one woman who saw seven doctors because of her heart palpitations (the last one told her to see a psychiatrist), until finally the last one discovered her numerous metal fillings had caused mercury poisoning, which in her case affected her heart.

Nutrition, quitting grains, checking for Vitamin D, cleaning up dental problems. I believe those four things might just take care of about 90% of the problems my patients had.

That’s if I was a doctor, of course. Which I’m not.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Worst Prick/Playboy I Ever Met

Back in college I knew a guy who was not a friend, but a friend of a friend. We weren’t enemies but I did not like him, and he didn’t much like me. Since we had a friend in common, we were cordial to each other.

This guy was fairly good-looking, so what he would do is target vulnerable women – not very attractive, pudgy, sometimes not all that smart.

He’d convince them he wanted a serious relationship with them, have sex with them two or three times, then dump them. I have no idea how many times he did this, but it was a lot.

He had what was apparently a permanent leer on his face, which, it appeared, many women could not see. I didn’t like him long before I knew what he was doing. There was just something about him that rubbed me the wrong way.

After college he became a podiatrist, and used to place ads in the personals. Of course, he always mentioned he was a doctor.

He’d date these women until he had sex with them, then not see them anymore. Some of them called him up and cursed him.

One woman in particular had made a fatal mistake – she’d had a kid by black man. Of course, he was gone five minutes after she was pregnant, just as Obama’s drunken kaffir of a father was gone five minutes after he impregnated his white trash mother.

It’s a fatal mistake because any white woman who had a kid by a black man has immediately, permanently removed herself not only from the marriage market, but the dating one.

My player acquaintance saw this woman long enough to have sex with her, then dumped her.

This guy was of course a prick, and still is, but I cannot let any of the women off of the hook. A friend of mine once told me, “If Julia Roberts wanted to date me, wouldn’t you think there is something wrong, somewhere?” Answer: yes.

These overweight, unattractive women apparently really thought that a guy who was much better-looking than them was truly going to be interested in them. Pardon the pun, but fat chance of that.

Then there is the “doctor” scam. If a guy who advertises he is a doctor instead of a nurse, he’ll get more responses. Why? Do these women think he’s rich and going to support them? If he’s mercenary, then aren’t they?

In college he did meet one woman in whom he was truly interested. She never dated him, but did meet him for a study date at the library. After that, she never saw him again, since she almost immediately saw into his wizened soul.

Our friend in common knew this woman, and told our Lothario than she was seeing me every once in a while. Our mercenary friend was crushed. The one woman he was interested in for a real relationship – and she was seeing me, and wouldn’t see him.

It isn’t surprising he was devastated, but it is ironic. And the fact she went out with me and not him is why he never much liked me.

Men are much better judges of men than almost all women are. If a woman has any sense, she will ask several guys what they think of who she is dating. If she gets a bunch of negatives, she might want to pay attention to their opinions instead of her own.

If I had told any of these women this guy was a prick and using them and would be gone in three days, they would have not believed me and gotten mad at me, and told me what a great guy he was, and and probably run and told him what a horrible person I was. Then, three days, some of them probably would have come sobbing to me looking for sympathy. Sorry, I'm all out. Which is why I never told of them what he was. It's their problem, not me. Stupid can't be fixed, except possibly by the School of Hard Knocks.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Awful Cheap Awful Wines

When I was in high school there were two wines we drank: Annie Green Springs and Boone’s Farm. Both cost 98 cents a bottle, which is why we drank them. They were terrible wines.

We once tried MD 20/20, which was weird colors like orange and blue and tasted like mouthwash and was lots worse than Annie and Boone’s. Other horrible wines, such as Thunderbird (“What’s the word? THUNDERBIRD!”) we never saw since they were sold in places we did not frequent.

We also once ran across some Everclear, which we heard would burn, so we poured some out and lit it. It burned with a blue flame. When I drank a swallow, I found out exactly where my esophagus and stomach were, because they were outlined with a distinct burning sensation.

I never drank any good wine until I was 26, when I woman I was dating introduced me to some good German white wine. The difference between it and my high school escapades shocked me – just as I was shocked when I realized my mother’s percolated boiled cheap stale Folgers was not how all coffee tasted.

Annie Green Springs is no longer made, which is too bad, since it was a great name. I wish I had at least kept a bottle, although I’m sure I can find an empty bottle with a tattered label on the internet, probably for an outrageous price.

Boone’s Farm is still made, since I saw some bottles at the grocery store, on the bottom shelf, where the cheap stuff is put, because the store wants you to buy the expensive stuff they place at eye level.

The bottles I saw were $2.70 a bottle. I thought, good Lord, when you factor in inflation, if I was still in high school, this junk would probably be selling for about a quarter a bottle!

Wine a quarter a bottle!

I still can’t stand cheap wine. I couldn’t stand it in high school, although once you started drinking it, it didn’t taste so bad. These days, I still drink German white wine, which is about $8, and also mead, which is pretty expensive at $16, but mead is what the Vikings drank out of the skulls of their enemies, which is what I do. Which I why I no longer have any enemies!

Don’t get me started on cigars.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Feminism Born from Boredom, not Oppression

Feminism was born not of the oppression of women by a non-existent patriarchy, but from the boredom of left-wing women, which they blamed on a quite-real capitalism.

It was “capitalism” (in my opinion, misnamed) that freed women from a lifetime of cleaning, sweeping, laundry, sewing, cooking, canning and the rest of the day-long drudgery involved with keeping a home. It also freed them from unwanted, sometimes dangerous and occasionally fatal pregnancies.

The fruits of political and economic liberty resulted in the burdensome necessities of life not being eliminated, but greatly eased. After that advancement, with life being so much easier, the next step should be the improvement of minds and lives. That was the problem: what to do with the challenge of all that leisure.

Unfortunately, when it comes to leftists, this material abundance results, as it always does with them, in spiritual poverty. I not believe there could be a Marquis de Sade or a Herod when men spent their days hunting game to survive; only “aristocrats” who never had to work a day in their lives could turn into bored leftists who whiled their days away with sex and drugs and partying.

Boredom, quite correctly, was considered one of the Seven Deadly Sins: ennui, to be exact. That is, being unable to find meaning, importance and community in your life.

The word “sin” comes from the word “hamartia” and is derived from archery; it means “to miss the mark.” Those who cannot find true meaning, importance and community in their lives have missed the target.

Since no one can live without meaning, importance and community, leftists, since they almost always reject traditional religion, end up worshipping themselves. Only in leftism can Man be considered a god.

Bored by the advancements and leisure generated by political and economic liberty, and at a loss what to do with their lives, leftists misinterpreted these things as oppression. Bored people always feel oppressed, and being the first defense of people is to blame their problems on others, they looked around and decided that “capitalism” and “patriarchy” were to blame.

Leftist critics did diagnose the problem, but not only was the diagnosis terribly skewed, the cure was deadly: the destruction of society and the (impossible) remaking of human nature so they men and women would be exactly equal. Only then, they claimed, could “patriarchy” and “capitalism” be overthrown and destroyed.

In a perverted and limited sense, these critics were correct: these material advancements were generated by men (specifically white men), which was misnamed “patriarchy,” and also by science and political and economic liberty – misnamed “capitalism.”

The Stalinist Betty Friedan, one of the founders of Sixties feminism, wrote in The Feminine Mystique there was a problem that “had no name.” The problem did have a name: that missing of the mark known as ennui. Friedan, not at all surprisingly, was an atheist who was married to an extremely wealthy man and lived a life of luxury in a mansion on the Hudson River in New York. The housework was done by maids.

She was another bored, wealthy, self-appointed aristocrat without a religion, one whose suitcase once fell open at an airport and spilled her sex toys on the floor.

Her leftist “religion” promoted the elevation of women, the denigration of men, and the hoped-for destruction of “patriarchy” and “capitalism,” to be replaced with primitive tribal matriarchal equality and fraternity.

One way to overcome women’s “oppression” was for them to enter into men’s occupations. This didn’t mean entry into any hot, dirty, dangerous jobs: it meant entry into the much easier, highly-paid ones, a path smoothed by Affirmative Action (“white men need not apply”).

It also meant the denigration of motherhood and marriage. Gloria Steinem throughout her life never had a good thing to say about romance and marriage, even though they were the most importance things in her personal life, and she never practiced what she preached to other women.

These self-appointed elites, the vanguard of a hoped-for New Society, gained meaning to their lives – and importance and community – by trying to destroy the existing social order. It must be heady to think you have that kind of god-like power, and to get that kind of money and attention.

It is a sad fact of life there are people who get meaning to their lives by trying to destroy a society they hate, however incorrectly, as being little more than crushing and oppressive.

The intended goal of these people is a complete equality between men and women. Unfortunately, they never take this belief to its logical conclusion: if men and women were totally equal, they would be totally identical and interchangeable.

Men and women have to be totally alike, in the way two nickels or two quarters are alike. We’d have to be hermaphrodites, or totally sexless, with babies grown in jars. We’d be much like ants or termites, I suppose. Or worse, amoeba.

Since such equality is impossible, society would instead form along the lines of what Hans Prinzhorn called “the tyranny of a clique in the name of the equality of all.”

It is, of course, supposed to be leftists who are the wealthy and political powerful clique, and the mass of people who should have “equality” forced on them, whether or not they want it. They just need their consciousness raised by their betters.

The eternal delusion of the leftist is for people to be checkers that can be moved around, or perhaps just mud that can be shoveled into whatever shape rulers want. Only the intellectually and morally superior know what is good for the unwashed masses.

Their Nietzschean Will to Power is cloaked by the belief in their own humanitarianism – the humanitarian with a
guillotine, as Isabel Patterson noticed.

This desire to remake people and societies is how leftists find meaning and importance in their lives. Perhaps it does make them feel God-like. It certainly a religion to them, as Arthur Koestler clearly documented in his book about those disillusioned by Communism, The God Who Failed.

If feminists did succeed in imposing their beliefs on society (which can only be done by the force of the State, being their beliefs run opposite to human nature) what kind of world would we have?

Since men, specifically white men, are responsible for modern civilization, if feminists were in charge of civilization we would, as Camille Paglia so correctly noted, be living in grass huts. Or, as the humorist P.J. O’Rourke once wrote, without men civilization would last until the next oil change.

Men have created civilization; women are the ones who made it comfortable. Many men, left to themselves, live like utter slobs. Some would wear their underwear until it fell off.

One ironic way to deal with leftists is to exile all of them to an island, where they would find rapidly their ideas of how society should be run won’t work.

Of course, they would blame their problems on the residue of the false consciousness inculcated in them by their former society. Perhaps in a few hundred years, I’m sure they’d say, – or maybe a few thousand – would all those bad ideas finally be eradicated.

Perhaps if they were denied the comforts of science and technology, and had to spend their lives eking out a living (so much for Rousseau and his Noble Savage), could they be neutralized. They certainly wouldn’t be bored anymore.

They might even end up like some of the blacks in Africa who, after running the white man out, begged him to come back.

People, unfortunately, are not that hard to mislead. Just keep repeating the same propaganda over and over: white men and capitalism bad; everything that is not those two things, good.

Today, through the media and schools, people are being inundated with ideas that don’t, and won’t, work. Not that leftists will ever believe this, except for the few who successfully graduate from the School of Hard Knocks.

Leftist ideas, manifested in society, always blow things up. I doubt anyone will be bored by that process – just pained. “May you live in interesting times,” goes the ominous old Chinese curse.

Leftists, not merely misunderstanding human nature but not understanding it at all, have failed at their attempts to cure society, at defining the relationships between men women, at finding the truth. Instead they have opted for simplistic, narcissistic – and wrong – answers. It’s a shame for all involved.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Stupid Don’t Know They’re Stupid

One curious thing many people have noticed throughout history is that stupid people do not know they are stupid. Worse, they generally think they’re not only smart, but smarter than other people.

It goes with the territory that stupid people are also incompetent, so society is stuck with people who are stupid, don’t know they’re stupid, think they’re smarter than other people, and are incompetent and don’t know it.

Arrggh! What a mess! Many of these people end up in prison, but others end up in worse positions – bureaucrats.

Intelligence ranges among a bell curve, so since the average IQ of prisoners is 93, a noticeable number of people on the left side of the curve are going to end up in prison.

Just as ominously, some of those same people on the left side of the curve are going to end up as bureaucrats, having often been given political patronage jobs. I’ve seen it, most especially in big cities. I dreaded having to go to City Hall and deal with the morons there (before these days of Political Correctness, a moron was someone who had an IQ of 85 – on the border of dull normal and moron).

All of these bureaucrats I dealt with were stupid, didn’t know it, thought they were intelligent and weren’t, and were incompetent and didn’t know it.

These people were more of a minor annoyance than anything else. What they were, as that old saying tells us, were big fish in a little pool. At least they thought they were big fish, even though they weren’t.

Stupidity and incompetent really causes problems when the possessor (or maybe I should say “sufferer,” even though we’re the ones who do the suffering) have great political power. Then they can really cause problems!

What causes this blindness? Narcissism, I’d guess. Humility is defined as having a realistic appraisal of yourself – that’s all it means. It has nothing to do with hanging your head and scuffing your toe in the dirt and saying “Aw shucks.” Being humble just means knowing your strengths and weaknesses.

The stupid, and incompetent, for some reason, don’t have a realistic appraisal of themselves. The grandiose, if they’re stupid and incompetent, don’t know they’re stupid and incompetent.

Why are so many stupid people grandiose and have such an unrealistic view of themselves? I think a clue lies in the fact that excessive pride is often used to cover up shame.

Stupid, incompetent, grandiose people are often very touchy. They can’t stand to be laughed at or not taken seriously. They blow up.

Their “self-esteem” (ugh, how I despise that word) is fragile. They can’t stand to be dissed (and that is a word I like).

The psychiatrist James Gilligan, who spend his career dealing with murderers and those who committed horrendous batteries, when he asked them why they did it, always heard, “He dissed me.” He disrespected me, he insulted me, he diminished my self-image.

Gilligan said what he repeatedly heard was the story of Cain and Abel.

These people, on some level, must know what they are, and are ashamed of themselves. Unable to tolerate what they are, they cover it up with excessive pride – grandiosity. Thus, they lack humility and don’t have a realistic view of themselves. They don’t know they’re stupid and incompetent.

Not only do they suffer, so does society.

One of my friends, who was head of security in a bad part of town, never had any problems with the drug dealers, pimps and other criminals swarming his area. He told me it wasn’t that hard. Even though these people were losers, the dregs of society, he treated them with respect. And he had very few problems with them.

The way my friend dealt with these people takes care of how to deal with criminals, but what about bureaucrats? The only way to deal with this problem is to shrink the size of government.

It has never ceased to amaze me that some people want to increase the size of government when in their dealings with it they have nothing good to say. Does anyone have a good opinion of the DMV?

When the stupid and incompetent gain any kind of political power, they don’t treat the public with any respect. And no one, no matter how stable and slow to anger they are, when treated disrespectfully by bureaucrats, sooner or later reaches the end of their fuse.

Bureaucrats – as stupid, incompetent and grandiose as they are – are always surprised when the public turns on them. There is another old saying that illustrates this – “The stupider you are, the more surprised you are when someone kills you.”

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Good Wife Who Did All She Could

Driving a taxi was much like being a priest or bartender. Strangers would just tell you everything, spill their guts to those had never seen before and would never see again. Why did they want to unburden themselves to me? Even today, I still don’t know.

Maybe it was because they were staring at the back of my head.

I can’t remember where I picked her up, but I took her to her house. She told me she was divorced. She told me the story of her marriage and how it didn’t work out. I usually don’t feel sorry for people, but in her case, I did.

She told me she had prayed to find an answer to if he was the right one or not. She married him.

She had a bath drawn when he came home, a hot dinner on the table. My God, I thought, what woman does that? I’ve never met one.

Still, the marriage did not work out. Feeling pity for someone is an awful feeling. I don’t like it.

“You’re so easy to talk to,” she told me. I’d said almost nothing, but I wondered why it didn’t work out.

I watched her get out of her car and walk into her house. Even today, when I think about it, I still feel sorry for her.

I hope she found someone else.

I Encounter a Bunch of Hookers

Me (drinking a root beer while pumping gas into his taxi): Dum de dum dum, dum be dum dum.

Scrawny Black Crack Whore: Do you have a nickel for a pack of cigarettes?

Me(thinking): Hm. A nickel for a pack of cigarettes. She’d have to get at least 60 nickels to buy a pack. This tickles me. (Aloud). Here’s three dollars. Get some cigarettes.

SBCW (face lighting up like she’s riding a Sybian): Oh, thank you! Thank you! Can I suck your dick?

Me: (spurting root beer out of his nose): That’s okay. You don’t have to.

SBCW: No, really, I want to. Please let me.

Me (trying not to chortle): No, that’s okay. You really don’t have to.

SBCW: Please, please, please?

Me: Honestly, it’s not necessary, really.

SBCW: Well, okay, if you don’t want a bodacious blowjob! (wanders inside to get her cigarettes).

Me (getting in his taxi and driving off): Bodacious? I don’t even know what that word means.

Woman in car (honking horn): Hey, taxi driver!

Me: (looking out his window): Yes?

Woman: You looking for a date?

Me: I thought you wanted directions!

Woman: I’ll direct you white cock into my mouth! How about it, baby?

Me (looking at the root beer in his hand): What did they put into this stuff?

The Guy Who Fell Off of his High Heels

Early one Friday evening I was heading home in my taxi when I heard from the sidewalk, “Yoo hoo, yoo hoo, taxi!”

I looked over and saw heading towards me a rather attractive, six-foot-tall woman, tottering across the street on her high-heels, which she almost fell of off. She was dressed in a tight red dress.

She got into the back seat of my taxi, fanned herself with her hand, and exclaimed, “Thank God you were here! Who know what these men out here would do to a poor defenseless woman like me!” The voice sounded like a woman’s…sort of.

I turned around and looked….it was a man dressed as a woman. Nice tits. Only they were fake. Hmmm…what with hormones and whatnot these days, maybe they weren’t. I suspected his dick was as shrunk as his tits were big. Them hormone shots’ll do that to ya.

Inwardly I rolled my eyes. Outwardly I kept the poker face. I’d seen stranger things. At least this one didn’t have a mustache.

There were two transvestites who lived a mile or so south of where I had picked this guy up. The dispatchers called them “Neil and Bob,” because that’s what they did for a living.

What the guy in my back seat did for a living I didn’t exactly know, but I had an idea. Fortunately, it didn’t involve propositioning me.

I was able to take him where he wanted to go, he paid me, and got out of the car with no problems.

Well, hell, at least he wasn’t dressed as Judy Garland. Although I did once pick up one dressed as Marilyn Monroe. Or maybe it was Jane Mansfield. It’s hard to tell the difference at 3 a.m. when your car is full of singing, dancing, drunken transvestites.

When you work at night, you see some unusual things.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I Multitask in the Bath

Me: Dum de dum dum.

New Girlfriend: What are you doing?

Me: I’m taking a bath in your bathtub.

NG: I can see that. I can also see that you’re drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigar. But why do you have your shirt in the tub with you?

Me: I’m multitasking. I’m washing my shirt along with me.

NG: Do you do this a lot?

Me: All the time. I buy a gallon of Dr. Bronners citric liquid soap and I wash me, my hair and my clothes in it. It’s dumb to buy shampoo for your hair, soap for your body and detergent for your clothes. It’s a waste of money. Instead I use Dr. Bronners. A gallon costs like $50 but I dilute it and it goes a long way.

NG: Don’t you think you’re kinda weird?

Me: Some people think that about me, but I see myself as logical and saving a lot of money. I don’t use toothpaste, either, but baking soda. All those corporations try to brainwash people and take their money -- they try to make you think you are benefitting yourself when you’re really diminishing yourself. I have better things to spend my money on than the over-priced crap created by those Cosmodemonic Transnational Megacorporations. I hate them.

NG: You think you’re logical?

Me: I’m a combination of Spock, Captain Kirk, Scotty and Bones all rolled into one.

NG: Is there anything else I should know about you?

Me: I buy all my clothes and shoes at thrift stores. The only things I buy new are socks and underwear. There’s a thrift store four blocks from where I live that supports a no-kill shelter and I shop there. Save the pugs! I got a Gevalia coffee-maker for two dollars and a brand-new pair of Nikes for four dollars. I consider myself brilliant. Don’t you?

NG; Well, you are smart but you’re still very eccentric.

Me: You want to get in the tub with me?

NG: Your cigar stinks.

Me: (throwing it in the toilet): There!

NG: You just threw your cigar in my toilet!

Me: Your point?

NG: (rolling eyes) Forget it.

Me: You ain’t lived until you’ve been scrubbed with Dr. Bronners. I even got a washcloth. I got it at the thrift store, too. Climb in here, honey bunch.

NG: God, you are so weird.

Me: But lovable! And cute! And adorable! And oodles of fun!

NG: You can stop anytime now.

Me: Okay.