If we can learn anything from the armed takeover of a wildlife preserve in Oregon, it is that conducting a siege takes planning and strategic thinking and a willingness to risk your heath and welfare to overcome a resistance force composed mostly of squirrels.

And snacks.

When the armed loons who call themselves Citizens for Constitutional Freedom, descended upon the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, the place was not exactly what you'd call well-guarded. In fact, nobody was there, so taking it over was accomplished pretty much by simply pulling into the parking lot.

Yet, the takeover has been portrayed in the media as if it were a massive armed insurrection, an act of terrorism, or worse. Loads of people have taken to print and the airwaves and the cable news shows to wring their hands and try to wrest some meaning from what has been a farce of massive proportions.

There have been dump-truck loads of words wasted -- these words among them, if you're keeping score at home -- trying to explain what's happening in Oregon and what it means, or doesn't mean.

There have been commentators decrying the takeover as an instance of white privilege, drawing the comparison between the law enforcement reaction to the armed loons to the police reaction when confronted by a 12-year-old African-American boy armed with a toy gun.

There have been other commentators saying had some faction of Muslim extremists taken over the wildlife refuge, it would be a crater in the Oregon wilderness by now.

And there have been others who have expressed, with some degree of certainty, that this is a sign of our times, an illustration of the divide between those who believe that the government has a role in, well, governing and those who don't.

The group that claims to be defending the Constitution -- and what makes them believe that is mystifying -- has attracted a lot of nicknames, from the TaliBanjo to Y'all Qaeda to, my favorite, Vanilla ISIS. One commentator called them "scared little boys," an insult to scared little boys everywhere.

That gives them too much credit, comparing them to terrorist groups and scared little boys. They are, well, who knows what they are? They aren't "a well-regulated militia," as described in the Second Amendment. Nor are they insurgents. Or revolutionaries. Or even protesters.

Speaking of protesting, who knows what they're after? They claimed to be protesting the five-year sentences imposed on two brothers who torched some public land, two men who are convicted arsonists. The men claimed they were burning brush to clear grazing land for their cattle. The government said that was not the case and that they started the fires to cover up evidence of illegal deer poaching. It's telling that the convicted arsonists don't want to have anything to do with these people. Of course, they're in jail. So there's that.

It seems odd that some people would take up arms and seize a wildlife refuge -- one known mostly for its bird watching -- in defense of arson.

But one person's arson is another's freedom, I suppose.

There are a number of other absurdities in this whole thing. The leader of this escapade, Ammon Bundy, claims the group is protesting the federal government overstepping the limitations of its power outlined in the Constitution. Of course, he didn't feel the government had overstepped the limits of its power outlined in the Constitution when the Small Business Administration floated him a $530,000 loan to keep his business afloat in 2010.

If the name Bundy rings a bell, he is the son of Cliven Bundy, who led a standoff against the federal government to protest the nearly $1 million in grazing fees he owed to the Bureau of Land Management. The government backed down. (The elder Bundy was what you'd call controversial, saying once that African-Americans were better off under slavery. Controversial, or loony, one or the other.)

The federal government can apparently overreach when it is giving the Bundys stuff.

Apparently, they're serious about this. Ammon Bundy told ABC's "Nightline" that members of the group were willing to die fighting tyranny and that they were planning to occupy the wildlife sanctuary for years, if that's what it took. Later, he backed down on the dying part, tweeting, "I have no plans nor desire to die." Perhaps he was volunteering others for death.

Which brings us to plans.

One of the ringleaders took to Facebook to ask people to send them snacks, among other things.

Apparently, they forgot to pack snacks.

Everybody knows that if you're going to embark on an armed insurrection, the first thing you do is make sure you have an adequate supply of Martin's BBQ Waffle chips.

The plea has already been met with derision among those of a snarky bent, with people suggesting sending "trail mix with extra nuts" and falafel and other Middle Eastern foods. Among the best was the woman who suggested sending them bran muffins "so they can be well-regulated."

Snacks weren't the only things they overlooked.

One of the ringleaders posted on Facebook that the groups needs "cold weather socks, energy drinks, equipment for cold weather, snow camo, gear, anything you think will help."

Let's see. They took over a wildlife sanctuary, in Oregon, in the middle of winter, and forgot to pack warm socks?

How can anyone take these clowns seriously?

Mike Argento's column appears Mondays and Fridays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints. He can be reached at (717) 771-2046 or at

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