Insomnia and Missing our Angel

20130706-041423.jpgIt’s hard to sleep knowing our Angel is gone. I woke up this morning at 3 am and could only feel so much regret. Regret for not doing more. Regret for not looking somewhere else and going out longer. Regret for not shouting his name and just perhaps he would have heard me and come running. I close my eyes and can imagine him being out running, scared to death of the loud sounds and wish I was there to save him. No matter how many deaths in a family one has experienced, the pain is still piercing and it has left my heart empty yearning for a different outcome. I think that in life in general one should not do things halfway. Do everything to the fullest and that way when you look back you can say that you exhausted all options and that “regret” can gtfo. Apologies for the acronym slang but if I could change my actions I would. Even if it meant driving around all night, it would have been worth it if it meant holding onto hope and having faith that he could have been found. Rest in paradise my Angel, it’s been only a day and Mommy misses you so very much.