We revisited that Friends episode where everyone's awkward about money, and we can relate...

The friendship pay gap is real.

18 May 2018

The most painfully awkward episode of Friends isn't the one where Ross gets that God-awful spray tan or Chandler and Rachel eat cheesecake off the floor. Nope, that honor goes to the fifth episode of season two, "The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant," when the six friends get uncomfortably real about a topic all twenty-somethings think about: money.

If you blocked this cringe-worthy episode from your memory, here's a quick synopsis: Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey start feeling like Chandler, Monica, and Ross aren't aware that they make less money than they do. What seems like pennies to some—$33 dinners, $50 Hootie and the Blowfish tickets—is actually difficult for the others to swing. They have a tense conversation about this at a restaurant that goes nowhere. Chandler makes awkward jokes.

The Rich Friends' solution to this drama is to comp the Poor Friends' Hootie and the Blowfish tickets, which comes off more condescending than sincere. The Poor Friends reject the tickets, so the Rich Friends go without them and have a blast. The next day the Rich Friends say they "missed" the Poor Friends at the show but won't feel bad for making more money than them. Everyone starts arguing, and then, as if on cue, Monica gets fired, instantly turning her into a Poor Friend.

Why these 27-year-olds morphed into screaming toddlers when they talked about money is still a mystery. They are six high-functioning, intelligent people, for crying out loud. It shouldn't come as a surprise to the Rich Friends that Rachel (a waitress who turned down her inheritance), Phoebe (a massage therapist), and Joey (a struggling actor) aren't exactly rolling in the dough. But for some reason, it was. There's a lot to break down about this episode—and not much of it is good. There are some important lessons in here, though, so let's just get down to it:

The first dinner conversation:

How it went—
Joey: "We three feel that sometimes you guys don't get that we don't have as much money as you."
Monica: [Seemingly self-implodes.]
Chandler: [Head practically falls off.]
Ross: [Winces like he's getting a root canal.]

How it should've gone—
Monica, Chandler, and Ross (in unison, like a choir of angels): Wow, thanks for bringing up that topic, fellow friends and human beings. Let's have an honest conversation about our financial situations so we can better set our social expectations going forward!

At the end of the episode, Joey says their money fight is "stupid," and Phoebe notes they shouldn't let "this kind of stuff" get in the way of the group dynamic. Both of these sentiments are incorrect, though. On the contrary, money isn't stupid; it's an important component to how we live our lives and interact with others.

And the only way to make sure it's not a "thing" is to talk about it. Having an open, nonjudgmental rapport with your friends about money allows you to just straight up say, "I can't really afford [XYZ] right now" and have the world not end. In Friends' instance, though, their awkward, chilly approach to money practically ensures it will always be a problem for them. This doesn't mean that Chandler, Monica, and Ross have to forgo pricey activities, either. It just means they shouldn't assume that everyone's on the same playing field as them. Talk first, then ask for cash.

The Hootie and the Blowfish hooplah

How it went—
Chandler: [Here are] six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish!
Joey: [Kicks and screams.]
Phoebe: [Breathes fire.]
Rachel: [Frowns.]

How it should've gone—
Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey (in unison, like cheerleaders): Wow, thanks for the gesture, friends and fellow human beings! In the future, could you run something like this past us first? We don't want you guys to start feeling like you have to pay for everything now.

The Rich Friends weren't intentionally trying to belittle the Poor Friends here, so Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel didn't have to respond as aversely as they did. However, the emotions they feel here are certainly valid. If you just told your friends you were struggling with money, and then they turned around and bought you something expensive, that might feel like "charity," as Joey put it. Again, this all comes back to communication.

I've had friends spot me for things when I can't afford them, but we always discuss it prior so it doesn't feel like a handout—and more often than not, I return the favor down the line. They should've just talked about this first—as normal adults do.

The post-Hootie coffee house massacre

How it went—
Chandler: I'm sorry we make more money than you, but we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.
Joey: And we don't work hard?
Chandler: Sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.
Joey: Oh, and you feel like we're holding you back?
Chandler: Yes.
All the friends except for Monica, who's about to get fired: [Launch World War III inside Central Perk.]

Cut to the 2:48 mark in the video, below, to see this scene.

How it should've gone—
Chandler: I'm sorry that our financial situations are different, friends and fellow human beings! Instead of bragging about it, we'll be sure to talk the logistics of an outing before all agreeing to go.
Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe (in unison): That would be amazing. Thank you!

(Everyone hugs, and Monica doesn't get fired—because that was some bullshit.)

The most frustrating part about this episode is that the friends' money awkwardness never gets resolved. Instead, it's put on the back burner once Monica tells them she lost her job, and it's never mentioned again. This episode is 22 minutes long, but no one ever faces "the money thing" head-on—and that's the problem. Would that have been as funny? No, which is perhaps why the episode wasn't arced that way. Friends, after all, is a sitcom.

But it would've been more realistic. After seeing this episode, I was afraid to talk to my friends about money. I was worried they'd react the same way as Chandler, Ross, and Monica here, but they didn't. The dialogue I have with my social circle about money is honest and kind, which makes planning things easy, and judgment-free. Had the six friends just done that they probably could've gone to that silly concert together. And Phoebe could've had her eggplant.



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