Sy assigns the staff to organize the patients' records while he is out of the hospital. However, with his absence, the staff consider it as a free day.
Glenn: Lola, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you don't have cancer. Lola: Ohh! Glenn: Cat just put nair in your shampoo. Cat: Because you ate my lunch from the refrigerator. Glenn: And the bad news is, she also put a chemical in your iced tea which turns your nose into a tennis ball. But it only lasts a second. So basically, everything's okay. Everything's okay. Owen: Chief! Can't you see I'm busy? Chief: Sometimes I wish I was a mirror. Lola: Hey, Dori, my round sheet is empty. Is that a mistake? Dori: Doesn't look like it. Owen: This place is empty. What gives? Dori: There are no admissions today, and we just discharged the last child. Cat: Are you saying there are no more patients left in the hospital? Beth: Guys, what do we do with all our time? Sy: Listen, I'm going into town to register the new ambulance. Glenn: Sy! Sy! Sy! Before you go, there are no patients left to treat. Any extra tasks you need us doing? Sy: As a matter of fact, thank you, Glenn. There's a lot of things to be done. First off, the organ supply room needs cleaning. Blake: I'll do it! [ Laughs ] Psych! Sy: Wear gloves this time. Blake: I'll do it my own way. Sy: And then, most importantly, the patients' records, all right? Now, look at this -- completely disorganized. These have been handed down from administrator to administrator. You know how important this is to me. Glenn, will you take care of reorganizing this entire room? Glenn: I will not let you down, sir. Sy: I would never have asked you, son, if I didn't believe in you. Chet: Are they falling in love? Owen: Yes. Sy: All right, Glenn is in charge, everybody. Sy: You know what, Lola? That is a great idea. The animal-testing lab is filthy. Lola: [ Scoffs ] Should have said, "I'd rather clean the Dylan McDermott lab." Sy: Who's gonna come with me? It's a great adventure. Dori! Perfect! Dori: Ohh! Sy: Let's go! Blake: Hey, Rosa. Working hard or hardly working? Rosa: [ European accent ] Oh, somewhere in between, Mr. Dr. Downs. Blake: I see what you're saying. You're not working as hard as you can be, but you're certainly not working. Rosa: [ Chuckles ] Blake: Oof. This uterus expired on Tuesday. You know what? I figure we have a 10-day grace period. Rosa: Expiration dates are really just suggestions. Blake: I like the way you think, lady. Rosa: You know, being around all these organs is making me hungry. Would you like to come to my home for lunch? Sal: Attention, staff. My dick. That is all. Lola: Hey, chief. Chief: Oh. Owen isn't interested in me. Do you think he noticed I use a walker? Lola: Oh, I'd love to girl-gab, but I just injected all these stem cells into that handicapped monkey. [ Screeches ] Chief: He doesn't need glasses or his walker?! [ Gasps ] Stem cells cure handicaps! Mama want! Lola: No! Chief, no! Oh, God! Chief: [ Gasping ] Wait a minute. I don't feel anything at all. Thanks for nothing, whore! Lola: Wait. Chief. Think fast! [ Gasps ] Amazing! Chief: Oh, my God. Lola: Look at that. Oh, my God. Chief: I'm cured! Stem cells? What a great idea! Glenn: [ Laughs ] Okay. What do you say, guys? Let's get busy! Cat: I'm not doing donkey dick. Glenn: Look, Cat -- Chet: What part of "donkey dick" don't you understand, ass-kisser?! Glenn: All right. So, how do you want to do this? My favorite letters are I, T, V, Q, and S, so, obviously, I'll take -- aaaah! Oh, my God. For a second there, I thought that was a real airplane. What's the deal, Cat? Cat: Glenn, this is a free day! I mean, do you really want to spend it organizing records, or do you want to spend setting them? Am I right, guys? [ Peppy music plays ] [ Music stops ] Okay, let's go! [ Music resumes ] [ Both laughing ] Glenn: Come on, guys! Are we doctors or are we... Dart doctors? [ Music continues on radio ] No! No, no, no! The ladies' room is right there! Sy, where are you? Owen: Ha-cha-cha! Whew. Ooh. Hey, there. You new at this hospital? Chief: In a way. Owen: What's your name, beautiful? Chief: My name? Uh, I-- it's... it's, uh, uh... [ Sneezes ] Chief: My name... Ooh, I -- ouch. It's, uh... hey. Chief: Uh...it's chief. Uh, chief...Smith. Owen: Oh. Well, we have another lady here named chief, but she's ugly. Chief: Oh, really? Owen: Yeah. She's about as ugly as a big pile of poo. Chief: Oh. Owen: Mm-hmm. She's so ugly, a poo takes a her. Chief: Hmm. Owen: If a dog wanted to eat his own poo, he would make a mistake and eat her. Chief: Yeah. Owen: For all intents and purposes, she is poo. Chief: Ohhh. Owen: When she goes to the toilet store, they tell her to "go around back 'cause that's where we let the poo in." Chief: Oh, God. Owen: If you do a Google image search of the word "poo," pictures of poo show up, but then there's a picture of her. Mm. Crazy people smear her on the walls. Chief: There's more. [SCENE_BREAK] Rosa: Hi! Hi. We're hungry, mama! We're hungry! Rosa: They're saying they're hungry. Blake: Yeah, yeah. No, I heard them. They spoke English. Rosa: Come and sit. Back in Ukraine, I was hospital administrator. I loved it so. Oh, thank you, grandma. I work at Childrens just to be around the administrating. Blake: Sort of like a lower-stakes "Good Will Hunting." Rosa: Exactly. Blake: Yeah. [ Laughs ] Mmm. This soup is incredible. Is there a secret ingredient? Rosa: Oh, yes. [ Chuckles ] Love. [ Folk music plays ] [ Laughter ] [ Up-tempo music plays ] Cat: Glenn, come on. Let yourself go. Glenn: Ahh... Cat: Dance. Glenn: Oh, you know what? You're right. The files can wait. I got to dance! I got to dance! [ All cheering ] Lola: Whoa, Glenn! Chet: Yeah! Lola: All right! Cat: What?! Glenn: Hey! Pool! Pool! Aah! [ All cheering ] Lola: [ Vomits ] Glenn: Free day! [ Laughs ] Blake: Thank you so much, Sasha. Really nice meeting you, Andrash. And you, too, Tiffany. Don't ever change. And you... [ laughs ] This day has been wonderful. Rosa: No! Blake: But we -- we have a connection. I'm Robin Williams, you're Matt Damon. Let's make love, like they did in the movie. Rosa: No! No! I don't like you like that! Please, Dr. Blake, leave! Blake: Let me kiss her on the mouth! Rosa! No! No! No! No! Mwah! Mwah! No! [ Both laughing ] Owen: I'll tell you what, chief Smith, I'm gonna go get us some mai tais. Don't you go anywhere. Chief: Don't you worry. Both: Rowr! [ Both laugh ] Chief: Mmm. Lola: Hey! Think fast! [ Gasps ] Chief: Wait a minute. Let me put on my -- my glasses. Owen: Poo chief, where did chief Smith go?! You got to help me find her! Chief: Her is me! Her is me! ♪ For your sins ♪ Glenn: Hey, Blake, where have you been? Blake: Well, let's just say that I've been to another world and I fell in love, and it was not mutual, and I was forcibly removed. Cat: Aw, sweet. Glenn: Are those patients' files? Cat: Yeah. Glenn: Why are you throwing them into the fire?! Cat: Don't you get it? I don't know. [ Cellphone vibrates ] Glenn: Sy's on his way back. Lola: If only any of us knew something about administrating, then we could fix this. Blake: Wait a minute! Guys, I have an idea. Wait right here, okay? Do you have a sec? Rosa: No. Blake: Come on. Everybody, this is Rosa. She's my girlfriend. She can fix this. Rosa: Not your girlfriend. Blake told me the situation. We would have to re-create all the files by calling every patient and getting their medical history. It's impossible. Glenn: Oh, I failed. Blake: Impossible? [ Laughs ] Nothing's impossible if you follow your heart. Not even love. Cat: Hi. I'm calling from Childrens hospital. I was wondering, were you ever a patient here? Beth: And when was his last vaccination? Blake: What do you think your weight was in 1975? Lola: I'm still at work. We have to re-create these stupid patient files we burned in a hallway campfire. Owen: She's so ugly that monkeys take her out of their butts and throw her at people at the zoo. Cat: And that's it. We did it! Lola: Ohh! Cat: We did it! Glenn: That's it?! We replaced all the files? Cat: No, just this one single file, but you act like it's not that impressive. Sy: Glenn! What the hell happened here?! Cat: Sy, it's fault-- Glenn: No, Cat. Cat: Oh. Glenn: I got to own this. Yeah, we burned the files. And we'd do it again, 'cause, news flash, Sy -- I don't want to run your hospital, 'cause as a surgeon, I make sick money, and you live in a condo at the Harborlight Mall. Sy: I admit it. I was wr-- I was wr-- I was wro-- Glenn: Sy's having a stroke! Everybody come quick! Chet: I got it! I got it! Lola: No! No! No! Blake: Thank you, Rosa. You've been great. Rosa: I did literally nothing and nothing got fixed. Blake: Eh, tomayto, tomahto. Sy: No, I just had trouble saying I was wrong. It's a tic. Eh, it's a living. Sal: Attention, staff. When I say "That is," you say "All." That is... that is all.
Free Day