Kaitlin does all she can to sabotage Julie and Frank's relationship. Ryan and Taylor tell each other how they feel. Summer encourages Seth to find something he's passionate about. Kirsten realizes what Newport's society is all about. As the night comes to a close, an earthquake hits Newport Beach.
72 HOURS EARLIER At the shopping center Summer: I'm not buying you lingerie for your birthday. That's just weird. Taylor: Okay, that's fine. I told you, you don't have to buy me anything. You and Ryan are throwing me a birthday party and that's enough. Summer: Look, I know you've never had a birthday party before, let alone been to one, but usually people get presents for their birthday, so will you please tell me what you want? Taylor: Okay, honestly, I want Ryan to ask me to go to Berkeley with him next year. Summer: Okay, I was thinking more along the lines of a cute top. Taylor: I know, I know, it's just, I'm a planner, and I've already seeing that day six months in the future when we all go our separate ways. And I just know that if Ryan goes to Berkeley and I go to... Harvard or Princeton or Oxford, then it's over. Summer: Don't you have to apply to Berkeley first in order to... You already applied to Berkeley? Does Ryan know this? Taylor: No.I applied before we even started dating. I just got back from France and I figured, well, I had to go somewhere, so I reapplied to Princeton, Oxford,Yale, Harvard and the Sorbonne, and I figured why not throw Berkeley in? Summer: Um, hi. Can we get two coffees, please? Man: Uh, yeah. Summer: Okay. So you want to get Ryan to tell you that he wants you to go to Berkeley, without knowing that you already got in to Berkeley? Taylor: Exactly. Summer: And how're you going to do that? Taylor: Easy.I just need to get him to tell me that he loves me. Summer: Mm-hmm, Ryan talking about his feelings. Now that would be an earth-shattering event. Man: Careful, they're hot. Summer: Thank you. Taylor: Thanks. Summer: Did you see this about earthquake weather? You know, it's exactly this kind of voodoo science that lets politicians deny global warming. Taylor: Oh, my God, I know. And how many times have they predicted the big one, and it never happens. It almost makes you wish that it would. Generic Cohen's garden Ryan: Good morning. What's the occasion? Taylor: Just you're being so sweet throwing me a birthday party, and I wanted to thank you, so... Oh, my gosh, did I ever tell you about... Ryan: How you've never had a birthday party and you've always spent every birthday alone in your room watching Sixteen Candles and talking to a gypsy on the psychic hot line? Taylor: Yeah, I know, I'm a broken record. Just, you know, it really means a lot to me that you're doing this for me. Ryan: Well, Taylor, I'll tell you, planning your birthday party is not easy. I expect something in return. Taylor: Oh. Ryan: I expect to have my way with you. Taylor: Ryan! Ryan: Well, all that time and energy. Clowns, balloons, a magician... Taylor: Oh, oh, well, if there's a magician. It's kind of strange to think about all of this ending isn't it? Ryan: Hmm? Taylor: You, going off to Berkeley, me, whichever way the wind blows. Ryan: Well, it's still six months away. Taylor: Right, yeah. If only I had a crystal ball, huh? Maybe I should call Esmerelda from the psychic hot line. Ryan: This a really good croissant. Taylor: Don't you have the feeling that we're on the cusp of something and we just need to leap into the void? Ryan: Did you get these at Joe's? Taylor: Ryan, don't you have that feeling? Ryan: What? Taylor: That life is telling us to take a wild, impulsive jump into the unknown? Ryan: Not really. Taylor: So, you're good? You don't have a need to just let something explode out of you, consequences be damned? Ryan: What are we talking about? Taylor: Well, I was... I guess it's just my birthday and I'm getting sentimental. Ryan: All right, well, don't worry. It's going to be great. Okay? All right, I've got to go. Thanks for this. Hey, tonight, you want to do something? See a movie? Taylor: Yeah, sure, okay. Ryan: All right, great. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Oh, my God. Julie: Oh, hi, honey. Sorry, I didn't hear you coming down. Kaitlin: Mom, do you mind? Because I still have to eat in here. Julie: What can I get you? Kaitlin: You want some scrambled eggs or I could whip up some pancakes. Frank: You cook, too? That's amazing. Julie: It's just a talent I have. Frank: Yeah, one of many. Kaitlin: I'm seriously never going to stop barfing. Julie: Kaitlin, don't be gross. Kaitlin: Me? Gross? What's gross is Frank's dirty... germy convict bag is sitting on the counter. I mean, what, did the warden give that to you as a going-away present? Julie: Kaitlin... Frank: It's okay. It's okay. It shouldn't be on the counter. Though I actually got it at REI. Kaitlin: Well, why bother with a bag? You can just move in. You spend enough time here anyway. Julie: Young lady, apologize. Kaitlin: I'm sorry, Frank. Feel free to have as many conjugal visits as you'd like. Frank: You know, I... I should get going. I've got a job interview. Julie: I'll walk you out. Frank: Okay. Julie: And we'll talk later. At the gym Holly: Mrs. Cohen? Holly. I went to Harbor with Seth. Kirsten: Oh, hi. Holly: Hi, are you here for prenatal yoga? Kirsten: Oh, yes, I am. And you? Holly: Yes. I just found out. How far along are you? Kirsten: Oh, not-not very. I just found out, too. Holly: Well, this class is great. I told Missy, the instructor, I have worked way too hard for this body to just let it turn into some dumpy baby factory. I mean, who says I can't have a baby and a six pack? Kirsten: I should probably stretch before class. Holly: Well, hold on just a second. Hey, hos, come here. This is Mrs. Cohen. She just found out she's pregnant. Girl: Oh, my gosh! Other girl: Congratulations. And you're not even showing. Holly: So... should we let her in? Girl: Oh, yeah. Other girl: Totally. She's ripped. Holly: We formed a club. Promised ourselves we wouldn't turn out like Molly the Mammoth over there. Girl: In nine months I'm wearing my bikini. I don't care what anyone says. Other girl: And I told Jerry if I get too big, I'm inducing at eight months. It's much easier to lose the weight. Holly: So do you want in? We call ourselves the Six-Pack Pack. Isn't that like so cute? Don't you just want to barf? Kirsten: All the time. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Summer, what's up? Summer: Hey. I am just picking up Seth. Taking him to an art exhibition, sponsored by GEORGE, the Global Environmental Organization regarding Greenhouse Emissions. Ryan: Seth's going to an art show. Summer: Well, yeah, I mean, he's going to art school, and I like the environment,so I thought it was the perfect date. Ryan: Sure. Summer: So are you ready for Taylor's party? Ryan: Oh, yeah, party's all set. Even got her a present. Summer: Really. Mind telling me what it is? Ryan: Well, you know, she likes translating those French love poems? I collected a few. Had them bound for her. Summer: Atwood, that is so romantic. You know, nothing is as romantic as the first time you tell someone you love them,though, huh? Ryan: I, uh... haven't told Taylor I love her. Summer: You haven't? Ryan: Has she said something? Summer: No. No, I-I just assumed. You guys have been together for a while and you seem pretty happy. I thought,"Why wouldn't you have said I love you?" I have an idea. Why don't you? Ryan: What? Summer: For her birthday. You should, because... the book of poems is awesome, but add that special little "I love you. As as girl,I don't know, me personally, I got chills. Ryan: Does Taylor expect me to tell her that I love her on her birthday? Summer: What? No. I don't know. I've got to go. At the shopping center Kaitlin: I can't stay, okay? Frank: Well, thanks for meeting me. Kaitlin: I wanted to talk to you alone. You're not going to do anything pervy are you? Frank: Kaitlin... I care about your mom. And considering my past, I understand why you're suspicious. Kaitlin: Look, I really don't care that you went to prison, all right? I mean, the Bullet went to prison and he was awesome. You're just boring. Frank: I'm sorry, but it's just the way it is. Well, I have to say I don't think that's fair. You hardly know me. Kaitlin: Then say something funny. Frank: What? Kaitlin: Make me laugh. Frank: Fine. I don't know what interests a 15-year-old girl, but your mother doesn't think I'm boring. Kaitlin: Well, that's because you're sleeping with her. Frank: Can you not say that kind of thing? Kaitlin: Well, what do you want me to say? I mean, is it true in prison on your first day, you got to make someone your bitch? Or what about the whole dropping the soap thing? I mean, really,why don't you guys just install soap dispensers? Frank: Hey, I make your mom happy. I'm just asking for a chance here, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Of course. If it makes my mom happy. At Roberts' Julie: Oh, my God. Oh... my God. Art's exposition Summer: It's so beautiful. Just forget how the ocean ties us all together. You know, he's so right. If we aren't good custodians for our planet, what right do we have to be here? Don't you think that was amazing? Seth: Mm-hmm. I give it a three. Summer: A three? He put a radio transmitter in a piece of trash, threw it into the ocean, followed it around for six years just to show how pollution travels. And you're giving it a three? Seth: I'm gonna give it a three-and-a-half, then. Summer: What about the part where he followed it through the oil fires in the Persian Gulf, and he got third-degree burns on his arms? Seth: I know, but the camera work was terrible, and what kind of film stock was he using? The oranges and reds totally bled together. Summer: He was just making a point to show the health of our planet. Seth: Yeah, but he's also making a movie,and as a movie, it sucks. Summer: Well, what about that one? Where the turtle adopted the hippo who was lost in the tsunami? Seth: Mm-hmm. That's pretty much the nature film equivalent of a chick flick. Summer: Okay. What about that? Where the family giraffes habitat was destroyed. Seth: Yeah, shot like a perfume ad. Summer: God, what is your problem,Seth? I just want you to get excited about something. Seth: I am, about things that are good. But I could do one of these doughnuts with both hands tied behind my back. Summer: Really?Prove it. Seth: What? Summer: Make a movie. Seth: Are you serious? Summer: Yeah. I want see you do it better. I want to go watch the penguins again, and don't you dare say anything. At Sandy's office Sandy: Hey, I didn't know you were coming by. I was just at Spitzy's office. You should have called. Is everything all right? Kirsten: The people in Newport are awful. Sandy: Honey, you're a little late to the party. I've been saying that for 20 years. Kirsten: Has it gotten worse? I mean, I know Julie and some of the othersare bad, but... Sandy: What happened? Kirsten: I was at this prenatal yoga class and these young women they're monsters. They wanted me to join the six-pack pack. Sandy: The what? Kirsten: And then they talk about inducing labor at eight months so that they don't have to gain weight. Can we raise another child around this? Sandy: Oh, honey, Newport's always had that element, and still we managed to have life. And not everybody's like that. You know what? Spitz has been wanting us to meet his wife. How about we do dinner tomorrow? Restore your faith in humanity. Kirsten: All right. Sandy: But more importantly, do you think they'll let me join the six-pack pack? I've been doing my sit-ups. Come on, hit me with your best shot. Go ahead, come on, wind up. I'm not a beast! At Cohen's Taylor: Oh, God, he really loves her. And she is never going to know how he feels, because he can't tell her. Isn't that tragic? Ryan: Yep. Taylor: I mean, how could you do that? How could you just let the love of your life slip away because you were too afraid to tell them how you really felt? Ryan: Well, maybe she's better off. Taylor: Uh-huh. Did you get that from the scene where she was about to be burned at the stake? Ryan: No, she's a beautiful woman, he's a hunchback who lives in a bell tower. The chances of it working out... Taylor: Yeah, but he doesn't know that. If he at least told her how he felt, then maybe there would be a way to work things out. You know, they could have a life together. Or you know, at least four more years. Why did you save me? Ryan: But the archbishop... Taylor: Ryan, I'm not talking about the movie. It's... There's just moments in everyone's life, and if you just let them slip away, then... then they're gone forever. And that's the tragic thing about life. Don't you feel that way? Ryan: Taylor.I...missed the last part of the movie Would you mind rewinding it a little? Taylor: Sure. Ryan: Thanks. Taylor: Lonely, huh? Better get used to it, buddy. At Roberts' Summer: Good morning. Taylor: If you say so. Summer: What's that? Taylor: This is the obituary for mine and Ryan's relationship. A rose, plucked before its time. Summer: Uh-huh, English? Taylor: I wrote a letter to the Dean of Berkeley, telling him that I must respectfully decline the scholarship, and he should offer it to the next candidate. Summer: So you're saying no? What happened with Ryan? Taylor: I tried, Summer, I really did. The moment was upon us. We were staring into each other's eyes,and... And he just didn't say it. You know, sometimes I just want to grab him and tie him to a chair and shoot him full of sodium pentathol and see what spills out. Summer: Why don't you? Taylor: You don't think it's too crazy? Because I was thinking if the two of us just tackled him and then we could tie him down... Summer: I wasn't talking literally. Taylor: Oh. Summer: Do you love him? Taylor: Yeah, I really do. Summer: Do you think he loves you? Taylor: Well, sometimes he grabs my handand he squeezes it for no reason. I mean, what else could that mean? Summer: Okay. So we just need to loosen his tongue a little. Taylor: But how are we going to... Summer Roberts, you bad thing. Summer: Okay, you know what, a trip to the Robert's wine cellar is in order. At Cohen's Sandy: What the hell is he doing? Ryan: Morning. Sandy: Morning. Hey, are y all right? Ryan: Yeah, it's just a cramp. Sandy: How far did you go? Ryan: Mm, nine, ten miles. Sandy: Oh. Wouldn't it be easier if you just said,"Sandy, there's something bothering me. Can you give me some advice?" Ryan: Yes, it would,but where's the fun in that? Sandy: Let me guess. You're trying to decide if you love Taylor so you can tell her on her birthday. Ryan: Huh? Sandy: You've been dating for a while, things are good, birthday's tomorrow. Bingo. Ryan: Yeah. You're good. Sandy: So? Do you love her? Ryan: Uh, honestly I'm scared. Sandy: Good, you should be. Ryan: That's reassuring. Sandy: Well, it might be the most powerful thing you can say to another person. It changes everything. Now for heaven's sake, if you don't feel it,don't say it. Ryan: Yeah, it's just I think she's expecting it. Sandy: And to not say it... It's like saying you don't love her. Ryan: Exactly. Sandy: Well, do you care about her? Ryan: Of course. Sandy: Do you enjoy being with her? Ryan: More than with anyone. Sandy: Tell her that. It won't be exactly what she wants to hear,but it'll be honest. Ryan: All right. Sandy: Can you tell me something? Ryan: Sure. Sandy: Do you have any idea why Seth is filming the pool? [SCENE_BREAK] Seh: Hey, check it out, man. Summer challenged me to make this pretentious art film, so I'm making one called Six Hours In The Pool. Ryan: Sounds great. Seth: Yeah, I'll tell you about it later. Uh, Taylor called. She wants you to go over there for dinner. Ryan: Oh, okay. Seth: Yeah. Okay. Ah, it's perfect. At Roberts' Julie: Look, Frank, I get that men have urges, and I imagine prison is one of those places where those urges get twisted, but... Frank: Julie... Julie: I've never even heard of clown p0rn. I mean that photo where they're all stuffed into the little car... Frank: It's not mine. Julie: Oh, really? It was just in your bag, along with... this? I mean, which one of us is supposed to wear this? Frank: Julie, none of this is mine. Julie: So someone just went into your bag, planted a wig and some really bad clown p0rn. Who would...? Oh... Kaitlin. Frank: Julie, it's all right. Julie: No, Frank, it's not. My daughter is trying to sabotage this relationship. And where would she get her hands on clown p0rn? Frank: She's just hazing me, you know? It'll be good for me to show her that I can take it. It'll blow over. It's not serious. Julie: Did you see p.50? At Cohen's Summer: How much more of this is there? Seth: Five hours and 58 minutes. What are you doing? Summer: I'm not going to sit here and watch six hours of the pool. I told you to become engaged in something. Instead, you just set up a tripod. Seth: It's a satire. It's a comment on the lack of artistic rigor... Summer: No, it's you being lazy. How many naps did you take while you made this? Seth: I took two to res... Do you feel like you're overreacting a little bit? I mean, what does it really matter? Summer: That's the problem, Seth. You did this because you chose the path of least resistance. You know, you could have made a movie about anything in your life, and instead you chose this. Seth: So what am I supposed to do? Follow Ryan around with a camera until he punches someone? Summer: Yes, anything that engages you in the world. Seth: What is the point? Summer: Well, if nothing else,it's important to me. Yatch club Sandy: Thanks. Mr. Spitz. Jason: How are you? Kirsten, how's it going? Kirsten: Hello, Jason. Jason: Listen, you guys, I want you to meet my wife, com. Carrie: No way, really? Well, then what did she say? Jason: Honey, honey. Carrie: Oh, my God. What a complete ho-bag. Jason: Honey. Carrie: I got to go. Call me back. Love you, bitch. Hi. I am so sorry. Jason: Kirsten and Sandy Cohen, this is Carrie, my wife. Carrie: So nice to meet you. Sandy: You, too. Carrie: That was my girlfriend. She's having trouble dating this guy, and the guy's wife is all like, uh, "I'll kill you." Sandy: Wow, I imagine that could be a little hard to handle. Carrie: Oh, whatever. Not my problem. Kirsten: So, Carrie, you're from Newport? Carrie: Oh, yeah, born and bred. Kirsten: Really. Interesting. Carrie: Oh, now, Sandy, let's get to it. How can we convince Jason here to get out of that soup kitchen he calls an office and get a real job? At Roberts' Ryan: Oh, thanks, that's good. Taylor: For luck. Ryan: Uh, actually, I'm not that big a wine drinker. Taylor: I know, you can't have coq au vin without the vin. Ryan: Well, that's true. Taylor: Okay. Ryan: You know, I feel kind of bad, you making dinner the day before your birthday. Taylor: No, it's my pleasure. Absolutely. Oh, sorry. Ryan: It's okay. Taylor: I'm nervous 'cause I've never cooked for you before. Okay, cheers. Ryan: Oh, yeah. Taylor: Whoo, bottoms up. Mmm. Tasty. Ryan: So, uh...Oh, that's... So, Taylor, there's something I want to talk to you about. Taylor: No, let's save all the serious conversation for after dinner. We don't want it to get cold. Ryan: Okay. Taylor: Hmm, I think I need another sip. Wow, do you detect a hint of blackberries? Ryan: Mm, no, I don't. Taylor: Try it. It's fun, come on. Ryan: Uh... Okay. Mm. Nope, no blackberries. Taylor: I think you need to take a bigger sip. Yatch club Sandy: You still go to your sorority rush? Carroie: Sandy, sisterhood doesn't just end with graduation. A Tri-Delt once, a Tri-Delt forever. Oh, but last year,I got so sick. Totally embarrassing. Kirsten: I can only imagine. Carrie: And I thought,"Carrie, what gives?" Can't you hold your liquor anymore? Ugh! And then I realized it was just morning sickness. Was that a relief. Sandy: You know, I'm afraid it's getting a little late for us. Carrie: Oh, no, no,no, no. You are not running away. This great bar just opened up on Ocean. When was the last time you two did tequila poppers? Sandy: Maybe another time. Carrie: Oh, tell me you're not bailing because you're pregnant. I mean, no offense, but that is lame. Jason: Carrie, no. Carrie: What?It's lame. Kirsten: Actually, I'm an alcoholic. Carrie: Oh, God. Me, too. Hey, after you have that thing, we should totally go out. You know, without the two dish rags. Oh, God! Can you just take that thing outside? Oh, don't freak. I'm not a psycho.It's our baby. Jason: When we go out with the baby, Carrie likes to have the nurse sit nearby,a few tables away. Kirsten: Oh, you know,Sandy, I'm-I'm, uh, suddenly... I'm, I'm not feeling well. Sandy: I'd better get you home. Thank you both for an unforgettable evening. Jason, I'll talk to you Monday. Jason: Yeah. Well,good night,and... Carrie: Hey, Kirsten,uh, remember,you can call me for baby advice anytime. Kirsten: Sure. Carrie: Losers. [SCENE_BREAK] At Roberts' Taylor: I don't understand how you're not drunk. Ryan: Oh, it's the Atwood genes. We're built to withstand massive quantities of alcohol. Taylor: Ooh. Here we go. Here's the bed. Okay, all right. Now we're just gonna... Whoa. That's good. Taylor: But if I can't get you drunk, you'll never tell me you love me. Ryan: Oh, Taylor. Taylor: I know, I know. Bad Taylor. I shouldn't have tried to get you drunk. Just like I shouldn't have pretended to be your sleep therapist, or rented Roger the homosexual, or stalked you wearing a Groundhog costume, or... What else did I do? Ryan: I-I think that's it. Taylor: I'm going to go to sleep now. Oh. Good-bye, Ryan. It was nice. Ryan: Taylor. Taylor? Are you pretending to go to sleep, thinking I'll tell you I love you while you're unconscious? Taylor: Maybe. Don't laugh at me. Ryan: I'm not. Taylor: It's hard dating someone who doesn't tell you how they feel and always having to interpret hand squeezes and... Ryan: I love you. Taylor: What? Ryan: I love you. Taylor: You do? Ryan: Uh, yeah. Taylor: I can't believe you just said it. Ryan: Neither can I. Taylor: Oh, I love you, too. Ryan: Oh, good. Taylor: Yay!Yay! Now we can go to Berkeley together. Ryan: What? Taylor: Yeah.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got into Berkeley. I applied, and I got this letter, and put it on my desk and... At Cohen's Seth: Ryan Atwood. His face betrays no emotion, but what passions lurk behind those eyes? Answering that is the purpose of this film. Come with me, my friends. Ryan: I thought the movie was about the pool. Seth: Summer didn't really take to six hours of the pool. She wanted me to make a movie in which I engage with people. What is Ryan Atwood wrapping so intently? Taylor's birthday present. Ah, Taylor Townsend, the fast-talking Eve Harrington who melted Ryan Atwood's heart. Tell us, Ryan,how does it feel to have Dean Hess's sloppy seconds? Or what did you get her? Either one. Ryan: Um... well, uh, one of her hobbies is translating French love poems, so I had them bound for her. Seth: Wow. That is really romantic. Ryan: Well, it's, it's not that romantic. Seth: Are you kidding? You may as well tell her you love her. Ryan: It's, uh, it's actually a little late for that. Seth: What? Ryan: Yeah. At Roberts' Summer: And then what happened? Taylor: Well, we finished dinner and he still wasn't drunk, so I suggested a drinking game. I called it "Drink." Whenever I said "drink," we drank. Summer: Simple but effective. Taylor: Yeah, a little too effective. I ended up on the coffee table singing "Part of Your World" and telling him he was my Prince Eric. Summer: Uh, did he say it? Taylor: Yes. Summer: He did?! Taylor: Yeah! Summer: Oh, my God, that's amazing. Ow. Ryan told you he loved you. Taylor: I know. I mean, I think he said it. At Cohen's Ryan: Yeah, this feeling just kind of came over me and... I couldn't stop myself. Seth: So why the long face? You regretting it? Ryan: Well... it turns out she applied to Berkeley without telling me, and now... Seth: Your spur-of-the-moment "I love you" issuddenly committing you to four more years. The plot thickens. Ryan: I'm not saying it'd be bad. It just seems like all of a sudden we're going mach five. Seth: You'd like to turn down the heat a little. At Roberts' Taylor: He definitely said it. Summer: Absolutely. Taylor: I think. Summer: Well, don't you think you'd remember? Taylor: I don't know; it hurts. Summer, what am I going to do? I can't just ask him, by the way, did you tell me you loved me last night? Because I was too plastered to remember. Summer: Right. Okay. Today's your birthday right? And I happen to know that he got you a crazy, romantic present. So when you open it tonight, why don't you just be like "Oh, my gosh, Ryan, I love you," and if he said it last night, he'll say it again. Taylor: You're a genius. Summer: Yes, I am; it's all up here. It's just there might be one other tiny little thing. At Cohen's Seth: I'm not saying take it back, but today's her birthday, right? So she's going to be interpreting every little thing. So maybe you send her a message. For instance, that sends the message "You're the only girl in the world for me. Let's move to a co-op in Berkeley." Is that what you want to say? We go off Ryan Atwood. What will he do? How will this situation resolve itself? At Roberts' Summer: You said something about Berkeley? Taylor: I'm not sure. Maybe I was just talking about him going to Berkeley. That would make sense, right? Julie: Morning, girls. Happy birthday, Taylor. Taylor: Thanks, Julie. Julie: Oh, I gave the mailman that letter from the counter. Taylor: What letter? The letter to Berkeley? Julie: Yeah, I think so. Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Uh-uh! Mister! Mail carrier, sir. Excuse me, please. Um, could you wait? Hi. I'm sorry. Um, a woman in that house where I live just gave you a letter that she shouldn't have,and, uh, I kind of need it back. Man: Ma'am, once the letter goes in the pouch, it's the property of the Federal government. Taylor: Okay, and I totally understand that, but if you take that letter, I am going to lose my place at Berkeley and the chance to be with the man I love and who I think loves me, and, and 15 years from now, when he is trapped in a loveless marriage and I have become a cold, hard ice queen for whom love is no more than a distant memory, it will come down to the fact that on this morning, which coincidentally happens to be my birthday, you obeyed the letter of the law at the expense of simple, human charity. Man: Wow, that was amazing. Taylor: Can I have my letter now? Man: Yeah, sure. At Cohen's Frank: Hey. Ryan: I didn't know you were a runner. Frank: Yeah,it helps me to work stuff out You should try it. Ryan: Maybe I will. Everything okay? Frank: Yeah. No, I was just,uh, nearby. I figured I'd stop in and say hello, ask your advice on winning over a 15-year-old Newport girl. Ryan: Kaitlin giving you trouble? Frank: Well, things with Julie are great, and I-I'm so grateful to you and Taylor,but Caitlin, she just... I don't know,she just seems to want to shut me out. And I know that you have some experience with the Cooper women, so... Ryan: Well, a Porsche would probably do the trick. Frank: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's not really in my budget. Ryan: Well, Kaitlin's had a tough year. You know. Once she sees that her mom's happy, she'll come around. Just be patient. Frank: Ah... suddenly a Porsche sounds like a bargain. Ryan: Right. Uh, look,I, I got to get going, help set up Taylor's party. Frank: Oh, sure. Is that, is that her present? Ryan: Oh, yeah, it's, uh... she translated these French love poems so I had them bound in leatherfor her. Frank: Oh, my son the romantic. Ryan: Yeah. Frank: So I'll, uh, see you tonight. Ryan: Yeah. It's not that romantic. At the shopping center Summer: Taylor, it's going to be fine. Ryan's going to give you a really romantic present, tell you he loves you, and you guys are going to wind up going to Berkeley together. Don't worry. Taylor: Okay, yeah, I know. Do you think I should act surprised when I go to the party? Summer: But it's not a surprise party. Taylor: Well, I know, but it might make Ryan feel good. Summer: Okay, it's a great idea. Taylor: Ah! [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone: Happy birthday! Happy birthday.Happy birthday. Taylor: Oh, my God, what a surprise. Sandy: Oh, I didn't know it was a surprise party. Summer: Just go with it, okay? It's Taylor. Ryan: Happy birthday. Taylor: This is a-amazing. Ryan: Yeah, well, you deserve it. You got a lot of birthdays to catch up on. Taylor: Is everything okay? Ryan: Yeah, absolutely. Let me get you a drink. Taylor: Okay. Julie: Happy birthday. Taylor: Thank you. Kaitlin: Happy birthday. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: We can move. I mean it. Ryan and Seth will be gone in six months. We could put the house on the market, throw a dart at the map. Maybe it's time. Kirsten: But this is our home. Sandy: So? We'll make some place new our home. You know? We'll still have our memories. Kirsten: But when Ryan and Seth come home for the holidays, I want them to come home to that house. Sandy: It was an idea. Kirsten: Well, thanks, Sandy. I just don't think I can. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a replica of the green destiny sword from Crouching Tiger. Oh, my God, thank you so much Seth. Seth: Glad you like it. Taylor: It's so neat. Summer: Open Ryan's present. Taylor: Okay. Where is it? Ryan: Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. Kirsten: Ryan's embarrassed. Ryan: No, it's just, it's um, personal. Sandy: Well, I hope so. Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a... It's a dictionary? Kirsten: That is practical. Ryan: Yeah, the guy said that it, um, had more words than others. Sandy: Well, that's good, being as it is a dictionary. Seth: It's red-- that's a cool color. [SCENE_BREAK] Summer: I still love him, you know? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this. Kirsten: No, I understand. I worry about him a lot. Summer: You know, I know making this movie just seems so stupid, but I just wanted him to get excited about something, you know? Anything. Kirsten: Just give him a chance. Seth will find his way. Summer: I hope so. He just seems a little lost. [SCENE_BREAK] Kaitlin: Those are mine. Julie: What do you think you're doing? Kaitlin: What? The guy likes clown p0rn. I think everyone should know. Julie: Do you have any idea how humiliated Frank would be if he saw, or if Ryan saw it? It's his father, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Whatever. Julie: Do not walk away from me. I've tried to be understanding. I'm sorry if Frank isn't as hilarious as Bullit was. Kaitlin: It's not even about that. Julie: Then what is it? Is it the money? Kaitlin: Mom, look at us. In the past year we've lost Dad, we've lost Marissa, we had Dr. Roberts and we lost him. And then we got the Bullit, lost him. What makes you think that this guy is going to stick around any longer? Julie: Kaitlin, am I crazy, or did you say that it was okay for me to date Frank? Kaitlin: Yes, to date him. But it's been a week and he's practically living in our house. Like he's family. He is not family You and I are. I mean, why can't we just act like that for a little while? Frank: Hey. They're about to bring out the cake. Everything okay? Julie: Yes, everything's fine. Kaitlin, why don't you go back inside. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Taylor. Taylor, I'm sorry. Taylor: I'm not crazy, right? Last night, you did tell me you loved me. Ryan: Yeah, I did. Taylor: Okay, then what? Are you trying to send me a message? Do you wish you hadn't said it? Ryan: No. Last night when I told you... You mentioned going to Berkeley. Taylor: God, I knew it. Ryan, yes, I applied to Berkeley months ago. Before you and I ever started dating. Ryan: Oh. Taylor: And then, this, you and I happened, and I thought, I don't know, maybe. And I guess I should have told you, but I really needed to know exactly how you felt first. Ryan: I just think our planning to go to college together, it's a big decision. Taylor: Would you have said you loved me if you'd known I'd gotten in to Berkeley? Great. Wow, okay. I'm just going to go. Ryan: Taylor. [SCENE_BREAK] Summer: She's coming. Come on. This is where you blow out the candles and make a wish. Taylor: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: Don't worry. Kirsten and I will square up things here. Ryan: All right, great. Thanks. And I gave Seth the car to help carry the presents. Sandy: So where you going now? Ryan: Uh, I don't know. I'll see you later. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Hey. You okay? Kaitlin: Yeah. Sure. But by the looks of it, you and I aren't going to be brother and sister any time soon. Ryan: Oh, no. What happened? Kaitlin: Honestly? It was me. I mean, look, Ryan, I have absolutely nothing against your dad. It's just I really didn't want to rush into an insta-family again. I mean, how long would this one last? Like a month? Ryan: Well, you never know. I, uh, moved in with the Cohens and I gave it a week. Here I am. Kaitlin: I just wish there was a way you could tell if it was all going to work out. Ryan: Yeah, but there isn't. But I promise you, I will always be your brother, in a completely, non-creepy way. Julie: Kaitlin, honey, could I talk to you? Kaitlin: Yeah. Wait, Ryan, as your sister, if you don't tell Taylor that you love her, you're an idiot. Ryan: Oh. Julie: She's right. At Cohen's Summer: Oh, no. Seth, I'm so sorry you had to overhear that. Seth: No, it's all right. I mean it's true. Summer: What I was going to say is, I think what you made is really good. Seth: Yeah, there's no coherent theme. Most of the shots are too wide and the Dogma thing has been done to death. But you know, I get that you wanted me to find something that I'm passionate about, the way you're passionate about the environment. Summer: But you love movies. Seth: I do. I love going to them and then telling people what's wrong with them. Summer: What is it? Seth: I could be a critic. Summer: You mean spending your whole life watching movies and telling people how terrible they are? Seth: Yeah, that sounds awesome. Summer: I just want you to find something that you really care about. Seth: You want to go rent An Inconvenient Truth? Summer: Yes, I love that movie. Seth: I just want to count the number of gratuitously soulful shots of Al Gore staring out an airplane window. Summer: Do not insult Al Gore. Jettey Kaitlin: So what did you tell Frank? Julie: I told him we needed to slow it down. Kaitlin: Mom, if you really like him... Julie: I do. And he's not going away. But I told him that right now I need to be spending some time with my daughter. Kaitlin: Does that include buying me ice cream? Julie: Absolutely. At Roberts' Taylor: The hermit? My soul card's the hermit? Are you kidding me? Okay, Esmerelda, I'd better go. I guess I'll call you next year. Come in. Ryan: Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting. Taylor: No. Ryan: I got you something. Taylor: Okay... Wait, these are all poems that I've translated. Ryan: I collected them, recopied them, had them bound. Taylor: Ryan, this is amazing. Are you sure this is from you? Ryan: Taylor, I'm sorry. I freaked out. What I said last night, I meant. Taylor: Really? Ryan: I love you. And I don't want to lose you. So let's put it all on the table. Berkeley, Paris, Oxford, anything. Taylor: I don't know what to say. Ryan: That's a first. Jettey Kaitlin: Oh, my God, Mom. Julie: It's okay, it's just... It's an earthquake. Get in here. Kaitlin: Mom! Julie and Kaitlin take refuge in the ice-cream's store while Ryan and Taylor are at Roberts'. Seth and Summer are in the car while Sandy comes to the aid of Kirsten who felt at the mall. The earthquake is a rare intensity. End of the episode.
The Shake Up