Caleb is on the verge of facing serious jail time, but Sandy tells him to confess his involvement with Renee, which could destroy both their relationships with Kirsten and the rest of the family. Jimmy and Julie's feelings for each other deepen.
Opening scene - Caleb and Sandy are at the pier - Sandy is leaning against a railing that faces out to the water and Caleb walks over to him and leans next to him Caleb: what is the point of living in Southern California if its gonna be this cold Sandy: fifty degrees in December Cal...that aint cold Caleb: well my blood must'of gotten thinner Sandy: or you got ice in your veins Caleb: this time next year...I could be spending the holidays behind bars Sandy: now that gives me a chill...don't know how you feel about it Caleb: warm an fuzzy, how'do you think it makes me feel Sandy...what the hell else can I do Sandy: you can come forward, trials right around the corner, Renee's gonna plead the fifth an when she does...your sunk...unless you tell the truth Caleb: no I can't, you know I can't...what about the child Sandy: which child...Lindsay Caleb: (looks at Sandy) how'do you know her name (Sandy looks at him then looks away) but yeah...what happens to her Sandy: spare me, your not tryin'a protect Lindsay your tryin'a protect yourself (shakes his head) cause you know once you come clean your gonna get what's comin to ya...but facin Kirsten an Julie has gotta be better then goin to jail Caleb: Kirsten maybe...not Julie Sandy: well (raises his eyebrows) then this is it, i'm done an so are you, happy holidays (pats Caleb on the arm and walks away) (we see Sandy walk away and Caleb stands there thinking) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Ryan's stocking, then Seth's then Kirsten's and finally Sandy's all hanging in a row on the fire place. Seth reaches up to the mantel and pulls down the Menorah Seth: mother (frowns) did you not clean out the Menorah from last year this shamans? lookin a little bit waxy (we see Kirsten and Ryan carrying in a huge Christmas tree, as usual Seth is avoiding helping them,lol) Kirsten: Seth sorry ill-ill get right on that Ryan: uh Seth little help here please Seth: thanks mom cause we can't afford to cut any corners (Kirsten and Ryan put the tree down) now if my sense of the culturalists? guide's as accurate (Kirsten and Ryan stand the tree up near the fire place) Kirsten: careful Seth: and uh I do believe it is (dramatic) this is the year that Chrismukkah sweeps the nation ok people Kirsten: (to Ryan) Ryan it's so nice ta have someone to help around the house Seth: you're absolutely right it is which is why this year i've created a (goes out of the room) Chrismukkah work wheel (Ryan and Kirsten walk over to the couch, Seth comes back in holding the 'work wheel') Seth: so that everybody understands his an her duties this holiday season, wha-la (shows Kirsten and Ryan) (we see what they are looking at which appears to be a paper plate that has been divided into 4 sections, each with a different colour. then there are heads stuck around the circle, Seth is up top, then Ryan, then Kirsten and finally Sandy. there is an orange arrow in the middle and each of the coloured sections are named they are INTERIOR DECOR, HOLIDAY SPIRIT, FOOD DEIGN then SECURITY) Kirsten: you're kidding me Seth: does it look like i'm kidding (circles the wheel with his finger for emphasis) Ryan: let me guess what your job is Seth: uh i'm supervising, smart ass Ryan: ah that's big'a you Seth: yeah but i'm also over seeing licensing an merchandising ok, t shirts mugs should it come to that and i'm pennin a Chrismukkah hymn set to Death Cabs lack of colour Ryan: (sarcastic) uh all the makings of a classic (smiles) Kirsten: (frowns) is Death Cab a band Seth: (spins the wheel) oooh around we go on the wheel and (makes a noise) mother your in charge of interior decor ok now that's gonna mean uh trimmings, ornaments frosting to the windows...(puts his hands out) don't really know don't really care (points) just make it classy Kirsten: (nods) ill do my best (Seth makes two ok signs with his hands) i've invited the Nichols or the...Cooper-Nichols or whatever there called these days Seth: (nods) there called Gentiles (points) an a whole slue of em at that now we're gonna have ta really put our heads together and do some serious Jew-cruitment Ryan (Ryan pays attention) do you think you can rope in some Hebrews Ryan: (sarcastic) blonde hair blue eyes yeah no problem, i'm a natural Seth: fair point my Arian friend (thinks) ok where're we gonna find some Jews in Orange County (snaps his fingers and points) (we see Sandy walking through the front door) Seth: father! (Sandy looks over) (smiles) I have just discovered the ideal job for you this Chrismukkah Sandy: (looks at Seth) Chrismukkah...ugh leave me out of it (walks out of the room) (Ryan blinks, Kirsten looks at Seth) Kirsten: oy humbug Seth: oy humbug Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school - we hear the bell then we see Ryan and Seth walking in the hallway together Ryan: your dad seemed pretty upset Seth: ah you know my dad in the holidays (Ryan looks at him) he likes a slow build up, doesn't wanna peak too soon Ryan: it's a long holiday, you gotta pace yourself (points at Seth) (they are now at Ryan's locker) Seth: (clicks his fingers) hey (Ryan looks at him) it's a marathon of presents not a race (thinks, sort of sings) to get through this holiday season, you must set a pace those are really good lyrics for this song, d'you have a pen on you Ryan: your not really writing a song are you Seth: hey, for Chrismukkah to sweep the nation we're gonna need an anthem...an i'm thinkin of havin lil Jo-Jo record it Ryan: so in keeping of bringing Chrismukkah to the masses, you inviting Alex? Seth: yeah I did she's away with her folks Ryan: ah-huh Seth: probably at some...club med tattoo parlour (shrugs) I don't know, what about you uh uh is Lindsay around Ryan: (looks up) uh yeah, think she is Seth: (shrugs) you gonna invite her Ryan: (unsure) ahhh I can't I mean its kind of a big step, an with Marissa there it just (Seth raises his eyebrows) it'd be too weird for her, for Lindsay Seth: (shakes his head) that's the thing, Marissa's not gonna be there, I had my mom draw up a seating chart (Ryan looks at him) an she said she's gonna be with her dad Ryan: really Seth: yeah Ryan: (shuts his locker) we just got things to a good place, you know we got a little mystery back Seth: mm alright Ryan: inviting her over for the hol- it feels like I might be rushing things Seth: then don't do it man (points) do not do it the last thing you wanna do is rush things (Seth walks out of the shot and Ryan stands there tapping his book and staring ahead. after a while Seth comes back) Seth: what are you doing, we're gonna be late (pulls Ryan away) Ryan: sorry CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - we see a wide shot of the yacht, then we see Julie and Jimmy heavily making out on Jimmy's bed. they are both under the covers. Julie is on top of Jimmy. Julie: are you sure we're not rushing things Jimmy: (breathless) well you know (kisses Julie) we were married for (kiss) seventeen years sooo (kisses her neck) Julie: oh it's just that its ben so long since we've done this Jimmy: well its like-its like riding a bike (Julie stops and looks at him, unimpressed) well an incredibly...toned an you know evenly tanned and (kisses her) limber bike (Julie smiles, Jimmy kisses her again) you know with a really sharp mind an (Jimmy rolls Julie over so he's now on top) incredible sense of (kiss) of uh (kiss) interior design (Jimmy kisses her neck and they both moan, and breathe heavily) Julie: oh god, slow down... (Jimmy lifts his head up) i'm sorry...uh...uh...it-it's just does this...count um as-as (frowns) adultery Jimmy: well your? (kiss) cheating on your husband with your ex husband uh technically I-I think uh (kiss) it does yeah (kiss) (Jimmy starts kissing her neck again. Julie makes a groan'ish noise and sits up) Julie: (softly) i'm sorry (normal) its just ok (puts her hand to her forehead) Jimmy: what? Julie: Caleb an I aren't getting along I mean he hasn't touched me in months...he's probably going to jail Jimmy: (kisses Julie's cheek) well it's wonderful how maturely you're handling it all (kiss) Julie: I don't hear you complaining Jimmy: well do you wanna stop (nibbles her cheek) Julie: (opens her eyes) (thinks) no (Julie turns to Jimmy and kisses him, while pushing him back on the bed. the camera pans out on a wide shot of the yacht) CUT TO: The pier - Sandy is there and Renee walks up to him and does a small wave Sandy: thanks for comin on such short notice Renee: I don't have much of a lunch break so...why did you wanna meet here Sandy: I've run outta places to go I-i've had so many clandestine meetings lately I-I feel like i'm in an Oliver Stone movie, look I-I know you feel that if you come forward your gonna lose your daughter (Renee nods) ...you may lose her either way (Renee is listening) the DA's convinced that Caleb was bribing somebody in the city councilman's office, bribing you...an unless somebody testifies differently...they have enough evidence to send you to jail Renee: (tears in her eyes) ...how do I tell my daughter that i've ben lying to her her whole life...inventing a father she never had, keeping her from meeting her family Sandy: maybe its time she met him...maybe its time to stop lying, Caleb wont come forward, I cant...your our last hope Renee: (shakes her head) i'm sorry (Renee walks away and Sandy watches helplessly) CUT TO: Harbor school - Lindsay is in a class room at a desk studying and Ryan walks in Ryan: (takes off his bag) hey Lindsay: (looks up) (smiles) hey Ryan: so you gonna study through all the Christmas break (sits) Lindsay: I hope so...keep me distracted from having to remember it's actually Christmas Ryan: uh you're not a fan of the holidays Lindsay: who is Ryan: uh well Seth actually, an he's even invented his own super holiday Chrismukkah Lindsay: Chrismukkah... Ryan: yeah Lindsay: (laughs) well um that's...cute Ryan: I guess it's uh...its eight days of gifts followed by one day of...many many gifts (Lindsay nods) we eat Chinese food an watch Christmas movies, although last year we watched over the top Lindsay: oh well, a classic any time'a year Ryan: that's what i'm sayin (Lindsay laughs) Lindsay: (looks down) me an my mom we um...stopped even buying a tree...it always just looked so sad with just two gifts under it (Ryan looks at her) when I wasssss little...uh all my friends were waiting for something from Santa and...I was just hoping...for something...anything...from my dad Ryan: you still waiting Lindsay: not anymore...every kid grows up...stops believing in Santa...I stopped believing in my dad (Ryan looks sad) an there's no pine needles to clean up...so Ryan: disappointed by your family over the holidays...i've ben there (Lindsay looks at him) so, do what I did find another family to spend em with um...come over Lindsay: come over (raises her eyebrows) for Chrismukkah Ryan: (smiles) it'd be better if you were Jewish, there's a ratio issue but (Lindsay laughs) it'll be fun and Seth'll keep you very distracted Lindsay: do you think we can watch over the top Ryan: I think I could watch that movie a hundred times an never get sick of it (smiles) (Lindsay laughs) CUT TO: Student lounge - Summer is sitting at the counter and Marissa walks over to her Marissa: where's Zach (sits) i'm not use to seeing you without him Summer: he left early for Christmas in Cabot with his fam (sad) he's ben gone one day an I miss him already Marissa: DJ's in Sacramento with his family for two weeks...I miss him too Summer: (sarcastic) well this should be a fun break, me you Caleb an my step monster, should be one for the ages Marissa: we could start spiking the egg nog Summer: (looks at Marissa) Coop Marissa: kidding...kind of...actually not really (drinks coffee) this sucks, last year the holidays were so much fun Summer: yeah, I got rejected by Cohen in a wonder woman costume and you (points) got caught shoplifting Marissa: (smiles) yeah, it was memorable though Summer: I guess it was (they both drink their coffees, Seth walks over to the counter) Seth: hey can I get a large coffee please, thanks (to Summer & Marissa) hey guys, Merry Chrismukkah Marissa: don't remind us... Summer: I forgot about your (raises her eyebrows) festive little holiday Seth: ok, my colour coded holiday alert system is detecting you two (shakes his head) your taupe (Marissa frowns, Summer looks away) c'mon that's a very dangerously low level of holiday cheer Summer: well I don't know what your talking about Cohen (raises her eyebrows) I for one am looking forward to dinner with my step mom, face down in her Christmas ham (Summer and Marissa get up from their seats and start walking away) Marissa: an I cant wait to be on my dads boat an hear him talk about how much he misses Hailey Seth: (follows) wait a second guys (they stop) Summer, Marissa on behalf of Jesus an Juda Makaby? and the Cohen's I would like to cordially invite you both (to Marissa) an your dad Marissa (to Summer) but not yours Summer because he both scares an hates me (Summer and Marissa look at each other) ta come celebrate a little holiday I like to call Chrismukkah (smiles) its also uh a sorta my way of apologising for the whole...SnO.C debacle Marissa: (looks at Summer) sure why not Summer: ok, i'm in, whatever (they both turn away) Seth: hey (smiles) somebody just went from taupe to putty CUT TO: Harbor group - Julie rushes in and over to Kirsten who is in like the main lobby {no idea what it's officially called, sorry} Julie: Kirsten are you ready for the investors meeting Kirsten: (to girl) thanks (to Julie) uh I was...and I attended the meeting two hours ago (Kirsten walks back to her office and Julie follows her) Julie: what! two hours- oh god...uh uh my new assistant is constantly putting the wrong numbers inta my-my-my blackberry (they are now inside Kirsten's office) Kirsten: hmm, I tried to reach you all morning Julie: well my battery must've died (Julies phone rings, and the ring tone is 'the hustle,lol) Kirsten: or not Julie: hm Kirsten: that's so funny that that's Jimmy's favourite song Julie: is it...huh I forgot Kirsten: that's why you got that ring tone, I got hungry like the wolf an he got the hustle, I was there when you picked them out Julie: (looks) oh it is Jimmy, well nothing gets by you Kirsten you've got a memory like an elephant Kirsten: you gonna answer it...? Julie: (waves it off) oh no, it's just Jimmy Kirsten: I thought you two were getting along really well Julie: what makes you say that Kirsten: last week when you said that you an Jimmy were getting along really well (Julie doesn't say anything, she kind of fidgets) Julie are you ok you seem a little frazzled Julie: oh well you know I...didn't get a chance to blow my hair out thi'smorning so (points to her hair and fixes it) Kirsten: (gets up) I said frazzled (walks passed Julie) not frizzy (Julie sighs with relief once Kirsten has left) CUT TO: Cohen house at night - Seth walks into the kitchen, and Ryan is at the table studying Seth: hey man is dinner ready yet Ryan: no your dads at the grill Seth: (groans) i'm famished (rubs his stomach) all this planning for the big day Ryan: (looks up from his book) really takin it outta ya huh Seth: hey (points) ye...of little faith (points to himself) trust those of mixed faith, ok this year, its gonna be off the charts (points) its gonna be co- cheese? Ryan: what's co-cheese Seth: it's the highest level of holiday cheer on my colour coded holiday alert system, that's all Ryan: (gets up) co-cheese is a colour... Seth: yeah it's in the beige family Ryan: couldn't go with like blue, could ya Seth: listen to me it's gonna be awesome ok an I think especially now that Marissa an Summer are coming- Ryan: (turns around from the fridge) whoa, whoa whoa Marissa's coming over I thought she was with her dad Seth: yeah she was but she was all bummed out about it an I figured since you know you're not inviting Lindsay- Ryan: (points with a bottle of water) except I did invite Lindsay Seth: ... (raises his eyebrows) that's awkward Ryan: (closes his eyes) Seth (sighs) what am I gonna do I can't have Lindsay an Marissa hanging out together its too weird Seth: I agree Ryan: you're not helping Seth: (closes his eyes) ooooh god, what if it's starting Ryan: (looks at Seth) what if what's starting Seth: (worried) the Chrismukkah backlash what if it's getting too big an commercial Ryan: I have a feeling i'm done studying Seth: dude, I knew this would happen, its like it starts out as this really cool, cult holiday you know flying beneath the cultural radar an then all of a sudden it crosses over an then there's too much pressure I mean truthfully can it really be the next Thanksgiving, can it top Halloween Ryan: this feels off topic? (Ryan grabs his books and walks out of the kitchen into the backyard, Seth follows) Seth: the government there gonna be asking me to create new holidays (Ryan looks at him) uh Seth, Seth! what about Eastover or or Kwanzashana, alright we can't let it happen (Ryan and Seth are now near the door of the pool house, and Sandy is near there grilling food) Sandy: hey guys (Ryan walks into the pool house, Seth is at the door) Seth: can't talk now dad we have an emergency on our hands Sandy: oh what's goin on Seth: (points) Ryan invited Lindsay over tomorrow said not? for wildfire that threatens man woman an Chrismukkah (Ryan walks back out and looks at Seth) Sandy: (worried) ...you invited Lindsay over here Ryan: uh yeah is that ok Seth: oh sure you ask him Sandy: I don't think its such a good idea Seth: ...it isn't? (they both walk over to Sandy) Ryan: i'm sorry I didn't mean to impose Sandy: well no its not that you know we have a...pretty liberal open door policy its-its uh... (turns to face them) w- how serious is it between you guys Ryan: uhhh I don't know (looks at Seth) you know theressss still mystery Seth: uh-hm (shakes his head) Ryan: well maybe not mystery but suspense Sandy: so you really like her Seth: he wants to see her naked Ryan: (whispers, looks at Seth) ok, you dont need to do this? Seth: sorry Ryan: (to Sandy) yeah yeah im starting to I mean, should I not Sandy: ...her moms involved with Caleb's case its (sighs) the timing it's probably not great given everything Ryan: yeah yeah ok Sandy: ok (Seth frowns) (walks back to the grill) Ryan: except I mean what'does Lindsay have to do with Caleb's case, (joking) what is she like Caleb's hit man, drug dealer (Seth laughs) Seth: (joking) illegitimate love child (Sandy drops his spatula and stops suddenly, he turns around and looks at them both. Ryan and Seth stop laughing and stare back at him, Sandy looks away and picks up the meat. he walks towards them) Sandy: this stays between us (Seth looks shocked, Sandy looks at Ryan, Ryan is stunned) Sandy: at least until we make it through these holidays, come on dinners served (Seth is standing silent with his arms folded, Ryan is staring off into the distance, Sandy walks away and Seth looks at Ryan) CUT TO: The pool house the next morning - Ryan is getting ready and Seth walks through the door in his PJ's Seth: hey, goin somewhere Ryan: Lindsay's...gotta un-invite her like your dad said Seth: you are Ryan: well she can't be here if Caleb's gonna be here Seth: no, hey man if we thought her an Marissa together'd be awkward Ryan: and uh (sighs) I need you ta do something for me Seth: yeah sure (touches Ryan's arm) dude name it, anything Ryan: (frowns) I need you ta un-invite Summer Seth: I can't do that (shakes his head) (pleadingly) it's rude Ryan: well I gotta tell Lindsay we're not doin Chrismukkah this year, if she then finds out that Marissa an Summer came over Seth: (sighs) I see your point...well while you're out, I mean you're already gonna have your speech down anyway maybe (points) you could go ahead an stop by Summer's for me Ryan: do it please (walks away) Seth: she's not gonna take it well man Ryan: neither is Lindsay (Ryan leaves and Seth screws up his face, frustrated) CUT TO: Ryan riding his bike up to Lindsay's house - he gets off and leans it against the porch, the next thing we see is his hand near the door bell, he hesitates then reluctantly presses it. Lindsay opens the door with a huge smile on her face Ryan: hi Lindsay: hey (hugs Ryan) Ryan: oooh Lindsay: Happy Chrismukkah Ryan: yeah, can we talk Lindsay: oh yeah yeah (excited) ooo wait but first I have'ta show you what I made for tonight (pulls Ryan inside) CUT TO: Seth knocking on Summer's bedroom door - Summer opens the door and Seth waves Summer: (smiles) hey Merry Chrismukkah Cohen (hugs Seth) Seth: oh, yes it is Summer: I think tonight is gonna be so much fun Seth: yeah it'll be great, can I talk to you for a second Summer: sure, but first can you help me pick out a Christmas tree, i'm feeling all festive today (Summer walks out of her room and passed Seth) Seth: festive huh (closes his eyes, and screws his face up) CUT TO: Lindsay's room? - Lindsay pulls Ryan into the room and over to her bed Lindsay: ok ok I know everything I said about not being in the holidays, which is true but then I started thinking about Chrismukkah and hanging out with you an the Cohen's Ryan: right an about that- Lindsay: an I got inspired...an I stayed up all night (unsure) an your gonna think i'm a really big dork but ok (Lindsay turns around and picks something up off of her bed) Lindsay: (holds it out to Ryan) here! (Ryan looks down and takes it, not sure what 'it' is) Lindsay: (excited) it's a yarmuclaus Ryan: a (laughs) yarmuclaus Lindsay: yeah (laughs) Ryan: (suprised) wow...th-w that's wow Lindsay: yeah yeah (turns around) an I made a whole bunch an an it was fun an I never have fun this time of year an...I don't know if it was a new holiday or the idea of spending time with a family who actually enjoys the holiday but...oh my god (laughs) wow um listen to me (Ryan smiles) what'did you wanna talk about Ryan: (can't do it) ...could you bring egg nog tonight Lindsay: (smiles) (nods) yeah id love to (Lindsay takes the yarmuclaus from Ryan and puts it on top of his head, then leans forward and kisses him. Ryan is suprised by it) CUT TO: A Christmas tree lot - Summer is 'critiquing' all the trees and Seth just wants to leave {lol} Summer: hm, fresh minty aroma, symmetrical conical shape Seth: (claps his hands together) great, let's go Summer: a bit too bushy, moving on (Summer walks passed Seth and Seth puts his hands on his head, frustrated. Summer keeps walking and Seth reluctantly follows) Summer: hm...huh, good needle retention, nice scent (touches the branch) hm feels a bit dry I don't think it's gonna last much longer Seth: Summer! neither am I ok all these trees look the same Summer: look Cohen when it comes ta Haggadah's dreidels an guilt you da man, when it comes to Christmas trees mm a bit out of your wheel house Seth: i'm just saying we've ben here for hours Summer: you are right, an if I don't pull the trigger soon we are gonna be late to your house (walks off) Seth: ...hey about that um- Summer: you know...Cohen I just think its really cool that you invited me tonight, you know after everything we've ben through... (Seth listens) you were able to put aside our differences, I just think your really changing an that maybe...we're actually friends Seth: ...great Summer: uh-hm (points above her head) mistletoe (Seth looks up and sees two bunches hanging over them, he half laughs, Summer laughs and leans forward and kisses him on the cheek. she wipes his cheek afterwards) Summer: was there something you wanted'ta talk to me about (Seth looks at her) hm? Seth: (can't do it) ...how do you feel about makin Latkes Summer: id love too (steps backwards) and could you just... (puts her head on the side for emphasis) carry this tree to my car (Seth looks at the huge tree, his mouth is open from shock) Summer: thanks (walks off) (Seth closes his eyes and looks down) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth walks in the door and Ryan comes out of the bathroom Ryan: (sees Seth) hhhheeeyyy buddy Seth: (waves) hello friend Ryan: how'd it go with Summer Seth: (avoids the question) w- how did it go with Lindsay, she take it better then expected (sits) Ryan: ah well...I couldn't do it Seth: what! (puts his hands out) you wussed out Ryan: she's always miserable during the holidays (sits on the bed) Seth: dude! Ryan: she made a yarmuclaus... Seth: a yarmu what (Ryan picks the yarmuclaus up from the bedside table and hands it to Seth, without looking at him. Seth holds his hands out to receive it) Seth: (in awe) holy Moses, it's beautiful Ryan: at least Marissa an Summer aren't coming Seth: ...yeah about that um (puts his hand up to his mouth) (Marissa and Summer appear in the doorway) Marissa: hey guys (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth acts all innocent) Seth: yarmuclaus (throws it to Summer) Summer: (catches it) yarmu what (Marissa gasps) hm Marissa: that's so cute (Summer puts it on Marissa's head) Summer: aww (Ryan looks away, worried) CUT TO: Cohen front door - Sandy opens the door and Caleb and Julie are standing there Sandy: well if it isn't the Grinch (Kirsten comes up behind him) and lady Grinch Julie: I brought fruit cake Kirsten: oh you shouldn't of... (Julie hands Kirsten her coat) Kirsten: may I take your...coats (Caleb kisses her on the cheek) Caleb: (to Sandy) can we talk Sandy: that's up to you (sighs) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The kitchen - Jimmy is in there eating food and Julie walks in Jimmy: mm, Julie sorry, I couldn't resist, this orange chicken is- Julie: (eager) god I have missed you all day (kisses Jimmy) Jimmy: still chewing (Julie kisses him again) I know I feel the same way Julie: uh what're we doing I can't stop thinking about you Jimmy: (whispers) I know I know I know, you know what, meet me in the bathroom in like ninety s- Kirsten: (off screen) Julie (comes in) is there any room in the refri- Julie: (pushes Jimmy away) keep your fingers out of the food till we eat Jimmy! god (picks up the fruitcake) no manners Jimmy: (licks his fingers) i'm sorry, I couldn't resist i'm...gonna go...wash up (Kirsten looks at Julie who has a huge smile on her face) Julie: (opens the fridge) yeah CUT TO: Out the front of the Cohen's - Renee and Lindsay pull up in the car Lindsay: thanks for the ride mom (kisses Renee on the cheek) (Lindsay un does her seat belt and opens the door) Renee: are you sure you wanna do this...I mean we hate the holidays, that's our pact Lindsay: ...maybe its time to get over that, get over dad (Renee looks at her) it's Chrismukkah Renee: ah so you keep on saying (Lindsay laughs) (smiles) we can go see a movie, double feature (Lindsay doesn't say anything) have fun (Lindsay gets out of the car and Renee watches, sad. the next thing we see is Kirsten opening the front door and Lindsay standing there holding egg nog) Kirsten: (smiles) oh hello Lindsay: hi Kirsten: your Seth an Ryan's friend right Lindsay: uh yeah, uh me an Ryan are more like lab partners really Kirsten: well come on in (motions for Lindsay to come in) (Lindsay turns around and looks back at Renne then goes inside, Kirsten waves to Renee and Renee waves back and smiles. Kirsten smiles and shuts the door. Renee's smile goes) CUT TO: The pool house - Summer and Seth are playing the PSX in front of Ryan's bed. Marissa is sitting on the edge of the bed, and Ryan is next to her, but there's a gap between them Marissa: gees, come on Summer: i'm trying! over each other: Marissa: faster you've gotta get more aggressive Summer Seth: that killer ? is not gonna kill themselves Marissa: kick-kick him, kick (looks at Ryan) Seth: eh- yeah Marissa: (to Ryan) you know you can sit a little bit closer (raises her eyebrows) I don't bite (Ryan slides closer, just as Lindsay walks through the door) Lindsay: Happy Chrismukkah (stops suddenly when she sees everyone) (Ryan and Seth both have their mouths open, Lindsay smiles. Ryan stands up) over each other: Marissa: hey Seth: hey Summer: hi Lindsay: (over whelmed) hi Marissa: hey (looks at Ryan out of the corner of her eyes) (Lindsay's smile goes and she looks at Ryan) Ryan: (clearly uncomfortable) playstation... (Marissa looks from Ryan, to Lindsay and smiles {it's almost as if she's amused by the situation,lol} Lindsay: (shakes her head) um (nervous laugh) (Ryan and Marissa look at Seth, Summer looks at Lindsay then Seth) Seth: (looking back and forth between everyone) I love the holidays, just (Ryan looks uncomfortable) bringin everyone together (Lindsay smiles) CUT TO: Sandy's bar inside - Sandy is behind it pouring drinks and Caleb is sitting at it Caleb: so, i've ben thinking about everything...about the whole family, about the holidays Sandy: where're we goin with this Cal Caleb: ...I need to tell the truth...I need to tell Kirsten Sandy: boy you got a hell of a sense'a timing (drinks) Caleb: no there is no good time (drinks) Sandy: that's true (frowns) so what're you gonna say Caleb: well I was hoping that you could help me with that part CUT TO: The front door - Kirsten opens the door and Renee is standing there, she smiles Kirsten: oh hi Renee (smiles) ar-are you looking for Lindsay Renee: actually I was wondering...can-can I talk to you (Kirsten looks at Renee) CUT TO: Kirsten and Renee inside now - they walk towards the kitchen Kirsten: can I get you a drink...glass of wine maybe Renee: no, thankyou (they are now entering the kitchen) Renee: an I know this is a terrible time for me to be showing up Kirsten: oh not at all, is everything ok (Renee looks at Kirsten) i'm gonna have a glass'a wine (Renee walks closer to Kirsten, and Kirsten pours herself a glass of wine on the counter) Renee: (looks around) you have a beautiful house Kirsten: thankyou (looks at Renee and takes a sip of her wine) Renee: an-an what I wanna say to you it-it should be Caleb who is saying it Kirsten: (nods) well he's here Renee: he is (raises her eyebrows) Kirsten: would you like me to go get him Renee: no, uh (Kirsten looks at her) I should be uh this-this (Sandy and Caleb walk into the kitchen) Renee: this isn't the right time Caleb: Renee Renee: (looks over at them) Caleb... (Kirsten looks at both of them) Caleb: what're you doing here (Renee looks at him) Sandy: she's doing what your about ta do (the camera changes and we see Lindsay, Seth, Marissa, Ryan and Summer coming out the pool house) Seth: I call dibs on dumplings Ryan: you've now called dibs on everything Lindsay: when do we watch over the top Seth: uh (off screen) when don't we (we change back to the adults in the kitchen) Renee: maybe you should speak first (Sandy looks at Caleb) Lindsay: (off screen) mom (Caleb and Sandy both look towards the door way, we see Lindsay first, followed by Seth and Ryan, then Marissa and Summer further back. they all walk into the kitchen) Renee: Lindsay Caleb: Lindsay (smiles) Lindsay: (to Caleb) um...have we met (Sandy looks at Caleb, Seth and Ryan both look worried) Renee: (walks over to Lindsay) Lindsay sweetie could you just uh...just give us a moment Lindsay: (confused) why...what's going on Kirsten: (fed up) that's what id like to know (Lindsay looks from Kirsten, back to her mom. Renee looks at Caleb) Renee: uh uh i'm gonna go, this isn't right- Kirsten: look, no ones going anywhere until someone tells me what the hell is going on (Julie walks in) Julie: hey, what's goin on (Jimmy comes in. we see the kitchen from a wide shot and it looks like this. Marissa, Summer, Seth, Ryan and Lindsay are standing near the door to the backyard. Caleb and Sandy are standing near the kitchen table and Kirsten Julie and Jimmy are near the counter. Renee is on the other side. they all look very uncomfortable) Seth: (to Ryan) good thing the kitchens roomy (Ryan has his hand on his hip) (Marissa looks at Ryan and Seth, worried. Summer looks down then they both look back towards the adults, Marissa has her arms folded across her chest) Sandy: Cal...(puts his hand on Caleb's back) why don't you take it from here (Caleb looks at Sandy, then Renee. Renee looks back at Caleb) Caleb: (to Renee, whispers) I really can't believe you just showed up like this Renee: did you really think we could get away with it forever Lindsay: get away with what (looks at Renee) (Renee looks at Lindsay, then Caleb) Kirsten: dad! start speaking Caleb: well does everyone have'ta be here for this Julie: (hand on her hip) be here for what Cal (Marissa looks worried and confused, Summer frowns. Seth and Ryan both look at the adults, worried) Caleb: (sighs) ...i'm sorry it had ta happen like this Lindsay (in the background Seth is chewing on his finger. Summer looks at Marissa) Caleb: Kirsten (Kirsten has an angry/confused look on her face) I had hoped that I could protect you both from this forever but... well circumstances being what they are (raises his eyebrows) (Lindsay looks at him) where your mother an I face going to prison (Renee looks at Lindsay then down) well there really is no choice...sixteen years ago...I made (swallows) ...I made an error...in judgment...one that almost ruined my marriage Lindsay: (tears in her eyes) oh my god Kirsten: (realises) oh my god Julie: no - way (Caleb looks at Lindsay, Lindsay looks at Caleb then at Renee) Renee: (crying) i'm sorry sweetie I should'a told you (Lindsay looks from Renee back to Caleb) Lindsay: ...you're my father (Caleb looks at her not saying anything) (Lindsay looks at Caleb, then at Renee. she gets more upset and walks out) Renee: Lindsay wait (goes after her) (we now see Kirsten standing with her arms folded not looking at Caleb, Julie with her hand on her hip and Jimmy in the background with his head down. Seth is standing holding his arm with his hand looking very lost. Ryan is standing with his hand on his hip, worried about Lindsay. Marissa and Summer both look uncomfortable. Sandy looks at Kirsten, worried. Kirsten looks stunned. Caleb walks over to Kirsten slowly) Caleb: I don't know what'ta say (Kirsten slaps Caleb hard. Sandy is suprised by it and Seth and Ryan look down, trying to ignore it. Caleb rubs his cheek) Kirsten: get out of my house (Kirsten walks out and Sandy goes after her) Caleb: (to Julie) do you think I should go an ta- (Julie slaps Caleb, also hard on the on the opposite cheek. Summer looks away, Marissa watches, shocked/suprised. Jimmy is also shocked. Caleb holds his cheek and looks at Julie) Julie: I think you should be ashamed of yourself (walks away) Jimmy: (to Marissa) ill handle your mom (follows) (Marissa acknowledges Jimmy then looks away in disbelief. Caleb turns around and Seth waves at him. Marissa looks down, Summer looks down and Ryan looks at him. Caleb walks out of the kitchen leaving Marissa, Summer, Seth and Ryan in the corner near the door by themselves. Seth sighs) Ryan: ...I should talk to Lindsay (walks away) Seth: i'm gonna go check on my mom, you guys just...hang out (walks away) (Marissa and Summer move over to lean against the kitchen bench. Summer has her arms folded. Marissa looks stunned) Summer: ...suddenly my family, not so dysfunctional Marissa: (looks at Summer) you do know this is my family too Summer: right, sorry I forget sometimes it's...its confusing CUT TO: Kirsten walking in the hallway towards their bedroom. Sandy is behind her Kirsten: (upset) you knew about this an you never told me! Sandy: oh I couldn't, you know that (they are now in the bedroom) Kirsten: oh attourney client privilege Sandy, he cheated on my mom I have a sister i've never known! (In the background Caleb comes to the door) Sandy: oh I know, an we'll figure it out Kirsten: (turns around) what is there to figure out Caleb: Kirsten please listen- Kirsten: (angry) (walks towards Caleb) I never wanna see you again you son of a (Sandy holds her back) (yells) BITCH (upset) how could you do that to me, to mom! Caleb: Kirsten please I can explain- Kirsten: (screams) just get out! (Kirsten picks up a vase and throws it in Caleb's direction. Caleb ducks and it smashes on the wall. Seth comes to the door. Kirsten stares at Caleb crying. Caleb looks at her helplessly. Kirsten sighs) Caleb: Kiki (Kirsten walks passed him) honey please (Kirsten runs to the closet and Sandy follows her. Sandy isn't quick enough and Kirsten slams the door just as he reaches it. Seth watches) Caleb: (yells) Kirsten Sandy: (puts his hand up) now is not the time Cal, please Caleb: hey let me try to talk to her Seth: (stops Caleb, looks down) grandpa I think...maybe you should leave Caleb: ...I would've ben better off going to prison (Caleb leaves the room and Seth looks at Sandy. Sandy looks at Seth) CUT TO: Lindsay's house - Ryan pulls up out the front. we see him undo his seat belt, then the next thing we see is him at the door, and Renee opening it Ryan: is she here Renee: (closes her eyes) this isn't a good time Ryan Ryan: I know I just uh...I wanna talk to her make sure she's ok Renee: she's not Ryan: can I even talk to her for a second (Lindsay comes to the door) Lindsay: its ok mom, I can speak for myself (Renee walks away from the door and Lindsay goes outside) Ryan: hi (half smiles) (Lindsay half smiles, then it goes) i'm so sorry... (Lindsay closes her eyes) I know you wanna...be alone right now but um...I want you to know i'm here... (Lindsay opens her eyes) ok (smiles) Lindsay: (looks down, sniffs) (softly) I think its best...if we don't see each other anymore (Ryan looks at her) ...I just...I don't wanna be anywhere near your family (sniffs) ever... (Ryan looks at her, listening) um but thanks...for coming by...happy holidays huh (Lindsay goes inside) (Ryan watches the door close, then slowly turns away, sad. he walks down 2 steps then stands still with his head down, after a while he starts walking again) FADE TO: Seth's bedroom - Marissa and Summer are sitting on Seth's bed, Summer has Captain Oats to her chest, stroking him Summer: this years getting even weirder then last year Marissa: (looks at Summer) I know...my ex boyfriend is dating my (frowns) (thinks) step... (unsure) sister...I think(raises her eyebrows) Summer: (nods) we have new boyfriends Marissa: and our ex boyfriends have new girlfriends Summer: is that...what they are um...there uh girlfriends Marissa: I think (shrugs) ... (scoffs) an now my step dad could be going'ta jail Summer: is there something in the water (Seth walks in. he looks lost and does a little wave at them) Marissa: how'd it go Summer: hey, is there um anything we can do (Seth sits on the end of his bed then lies back and sighs) Seth: I think we have'ta cancel Chrismukkah (Marissa and Summer don't say anything, Seth sighs) CUT TO: A diner - Marissa, Summer and Seth are sitting together in a booth. Ryan comes through the door and joins them Ryan: hey Marissa: hey, how's Lindsay Ryan: (sits) uhhh not so good (to Seth) how'd everything go with your mom Seth: uh we're at charcoal on my...colour coded holiday alert system Marissa: your poor mom Summer: (to Marissa) your poor mom Marissa: yeah, of all the people to feel sorry for here...she's not really high on my list Ryan: so then? Chrismukkah Seth: cancelled, the way nature an apparently we intended it Summer: that is so sad (Seth looks at her) Chrismukkah is suppose'ta bring people together, it's the time of year that you look forward to most Cohen Seth: yeah well, you know my mom throwing vases at my grandfather's head kinda trumps it, even if it has twice the resistance...of your average holiday (Summer looks at Marissa sad) Ryan: (to Seth) you want a ride home man (gets up) Seth: yeah, actually I do, unless Summer needs help with a ginormous tree strapped to her car Summer: so that's it...you guys are jus gonna give up...give up on Chrismukkah when everyone we know needs it the most Seth: ok (pats Summer's arm) thankyou Tiny Tim (Summer kicks him under the table) oww Marissa: ok well what'do you wanna do Sum, cause we can't go back to the Cohen's Ryan: an Lindsay'll never talk to me again Seth: an I can no longer walk Summer: well you guys can all give up, but I still believe in a Chrismukkah miracle (smiles) (they all look at Summer. Summer looks at them) Summer: and I have a plan (nods) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Julie is sitting on her bed holding 'share bear' . Caleb knocks then walks in Caleb: i've ben looking for you all over the house Julie: I wanted'ta see if Marissa was back yet, she's not...you can bet she will make this about her an that we will suffer the consequences for a very long time Caleb: I know, it's tough on everyone...which is why I tried to keep it a secret Julie: you an your secrets Cal...you need a walk in closet for all of your skeletons Caleb: I promise you...this is the end Julie: yeah...you don't have an evil twin you're not really an alien Caleb: (raises his eyebrows) but now that the truth is out there (sits) the case will go away, ill be free Julie: I just can't believe you cheated on your wife... Caleb: it was hell...and it never happened again, never will, I have everything I need from this marriage an I hope you feel the same (leans to kiss Julie) Julie: (gets up) don't put this back on me Cal Caleb: I wasn't, I was merely saying (Julie looks at him) (sighs) i dont know (puts his hands over his eyes) I don't know what i'm saying anymore...i'm tired of lying I want this whole thing to be over and I...I need you to forgive me Julie: i'm gonna go try an find Marissa Caleb: well does that mean you forgive me Julie: I don't know (walks out) (Caleb watches her leave) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is at the counter eating Chinese and Ryan comes in Ryan: hi Sandy: (looks up) hey, you went an saw Lindsay Ryan: tried Sandy: oooh poor girl Ryan: how goes it here Sandy: fantastic, Kirsten's locked herself in her closet an other then requesting a power bar be slid under the door, she isn't speakin'a me, but on the plus side there's plenty'a moo shoo available (eats) Ryan: ...i'm sorry...uh I just...I want you to know that i'm sorry I didn't un-invite (walks closer to Sandy) Sandy: oh kid, this is so far from bein your fault Ryan: well you don't think it's yours Sandy: no, but no good deed goes unpunished, which explains why my wife is holed up next to a shoe rack Ryan: (sighs) uh you mind if I...talk to her Sandy: it's your life CUT TO: Ryan knocking on the closet door Kirsten: go - away Ryan: its Ryan (waits) Kirsten: I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now Ryan: right...I know I...was hoping we could talk about Lindsay (waits) Kirsten: is she ok... Ryan: no...well not right now but...I guess it depends... Kirsten: depends on what Ryan: ...on whether or not she figures out she's...part of a family that's pretty good at letting in new members (after a little while Kirsten opens the door) Kirsten: (looks at Ryan) good line Ryan: thanks Kirsten: jus don't tell Sandy that I came out for you ok... (Ryan looks out of the corner of his eyes) Sandy: yeah cause he wouldn't wanna hear that (Kirsten comes out a little further and sighs, Ryan looks at her) Sandy: ...you wanna meet your sister Kirsten: (sighs) I don't know if i'm ready to start referring to her as that (teary) but Lindsay seems like a really-great-girl (sighs, cry's more) Ryan: she is (Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Sandy, upset) CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - Summer and Marissa are getting on board Summer: oh coop I cannot believe your dad lives on a boat that is so Miami Vice Marissa: (suprised) you've seen...Miami Vice Summer: repeats, my step mom she finds the pastel colours soothing Marissa: hmm she's on some interesting drugs these days Summer: hmm which I will be keeping away from you Marissa: (turns around) hm (Marissa walks up to the cabin door and knocks) Marissa: (yells) dad (knocks) dad (goes to open the door) (Jimmy comes out) Jimmy: hi girls at the same time: Marissa: hey Summer: hey Jimmy: (shuts the door) how're you Summer: we're ok Marissa: we're just kind of in a rush an we were wondering, do you have a generator Summer: mm Marissa: and an extension cord (Summer nods) Jimmy: ok I don't really like the sound'a that Summer: oh its really important Mr. Cooper, a Chrismukkah miracle hangs in the balance Marissa: mm-hmm, we'll explain later Jimmy: well luckily living on a boat requires one to have such stuff, its right around the corner (Marissa looks at Summer, Summer walks away to get them) Jimmy: now, have you-have you spoken to your mom, she's worried sick about you Marissa: oh really, that's too bad (Jimmy looks at her) (frowns) you've ben talking to her alot lately, your not like becoming friends or anything Jimmy: why would that uh would that be so terrible Marissa: yeah, for you (raises her eyebrows) Summer: alright, got it Coop lets go (Summer has the generator in her hand, and the extension cord over her shoulder. Marissa kisses Jimmy on the cheek) Marissa: love you dad (goes to Summer) Summer: thanks Mr. Coop (heard in the background) Summer: I think his new name should be ? for his boat, or whatever Marissa: oh how're you doing with that (Jimmy watches Marissa and Summer walk away sighs then he opens the cabin door) Jimmy: there gone (we see Julie appear from around the corner) Jimmy: (sighs) I don't spose you heard any'a that did ya Julie: please, it's almost a compliment from her Jimmy: (looks at Julie) ...what're we doing Julie...are we...are we makin a huge mistake Julie: yeah (Jimmy looks at her) (looks at him) but I wanna be with you CUT TO: The beach - Lindsay is sitting on the sand looking out to the ocean, and Seth walks up to her Seth: hey Lindsay: (looks, then looks away) what're you doing here Seth: uh you know your mom said I could maybe find you here (sits next to her) she also said you're not in the mood to see any friends Lindsay: uh i'm not Seth: ok (nods) I get that but here's the thing Lindsay (looks at her) you an I we're kin (points to himself, then her) Lindsay: (closes her eyes) no, no we're not Seth: yeah (claps) yeah we are, congratulations you're a Cohen, welcome to a life of insecurity an paralysing self doubt Lindsay: it's...a little...soon ta joke (looks at Seth) Seth: (shakes his head) not for us Cohen's, it's what we do. laugh through our tears, make jokes inappropriately soon after a traumatic event...sometimes...we'll just make the joke during the traumatic event Lindsay: (looks at Seth) yeah traumatic...Seth, doesn't even begin to describe this Seth: look...I get that what happened seems really over whelming Lindsay: oh, do you Seth: yeah I do but I think you an I have alot to be grateful for (Lindsay looks at him) most of all, that we didn't start dating Lindsay: oh, yeah cause that would'a ben gross...on...several...levels Seth: hey, there you go that's what i'm talking about, you are a Cohen ok an I like that you know what that means by the way, you get one'a these (turns around and picks something up) (Seth hands a Christmas stocking to Lindsay) Seth: enjoy Lindsay: (takes it) um (looks) ...it says Laura Seth: it's...the only one they had at the store...ill fix it later (Lindsay smiles. camera changes and they are now walking down the road back to Lindsay's house) Lindsay: so, when did you come up with this holiday exactly Seth: oh no I didn't actually, Jesus an Moses they put it together over lunch, a few years back now I think it was Lindsay: (laughs) what'does Moses have to do with Hanukkah Seth: wait no I think actually your missing the point of the holiday completely Lindsay: which...is (Seth looks at Lindsay then motions ahead. Lindsay looks to where he's motioning and at that second Lindsay's house lights up with hundreds of Christmas lights. it's absolutely gorgeous! there is also a decorated Christmas tress in her yard as well as big novelty candy canes, Santa and reindeers on her roof and a snowman. Kirsten and Sandy, along with Renee are standing in front of the house. Seth looks at Lindsay who is stunned by it at all. Lindsay looks at Seth then looks back at the house. Seth smiles. Ryan is also sitting on her front steps wearing a yarmuclaus and Summer is up on the
The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't