When the body of a rich adventure-seeker is found in a hotel laundry machine, Booth and Brennan are led to the last place he was seen: a Rock 'n Roll Fantasy Camp. While Brennan and Booth lead the investigation outside the lab, Hodgins, Angela and intern Arastoo use a fragment of prehistoric wooly mammoth tusk - found with the remains - and Angela's knowledge of the music industry to connect the evidence to potential suspects. Meanwhile, Cam looks for a doctor for her daughter Michelle.
(Open: Hotel - Laundry Area. There are gigantic washing machines and dryers all around. Workers are doing laundry. A man is walking around the floor with a woman.) HOTEL MANAGER: They put me in charge of all of this. I'm like one of those big shots on Wall Street only I deal with laundry, instead of money. WOMAN: Wow. HOTEL MANAGER: Not many people know it, but this is the nerve center of the entire hotel. WOMAN: Well, I would have thought it would be room service. HOTEL MANAGER: No way! Proper washing, at this volume, depends on water quality, bleach concentration, time and of course agitation and heat. WOMAN: Agitation and heat, yeah, I definitely got that. We're gonna be late for dinner. HOTEL MANAGER: I'll push our reservations. Check this baby out. (They stop in front of a large washing machine) Energy plus. That means, not am I only washing away the filth and the fluids that people get on your hotel sheets; I'm also the front line on the fight against global warming. (She hears a noise) WOMAN: What was that? HOTEL MANAGER: Foreign object in the wash barrel. It happens. WOMAN: It looks gooey. Won't it gum up your machine? HOTEL MANAGER: Whatever it is, this baby can handle it. (The woman leans in closer and sees a human skull and screams) (Cut to: Hotel - Laundry Area. Hours later. Booth and Brennan arrive and are going to meet Cam at the washing machine.) BOOTH: So, the only way the body could have gotten down here is if someone threw it down the laundry shoot. BRENNAN: That would seem to suggest homicide. BOOTH: Yes it would. (Booth rubs his hand down his tie - Brennan notices.) BRENNAN: Is that a new tie? BOOTH: Yeah, yeah. Yes, it is. You like it? BRENNAN: Well, I'm not sure why you'd want to wear frolicking cetaceans around your neck. BOOTH: Well, 'cause Catherine got it for me. Look, they're dolphins! BRENNAN: The marine biologist? BOOTH: Yeah. Yeah, it was a present. BRENNAN: Interesting. BOOTH: Wh-what do you mean, "Interesting"? (They arrive at the washer) CAM: Check this out. Good luck on the I.D. Too bad they didn't do it on the delicate cycle, huh? BRENNAN: Well, obviously the manufacturers didn't anticipate human remains. BOOTH: Well, according to the laundry guy, the body could have been sitting in a pile of dirty sheets for 2 days before it got thrown into the wash. CAM: Well, the heat in here would have sped up decomp. (She exhales) Look out, I'm going in. (Cam climbs into the washer as Brennan starts to examine the skeleton.) BRENNAN: Judging by the concavity of the rib end, the victim was middle age. Dismemberment occurred post-mortem; most likely during the spin cycle. BOOTH: Hey, what's so interesting about my tie. BRENNAN: Well, a gift is a social contract - a basic anthropological construct. By giving you a tie, Catherine has entered into a social contract with you. BOOTH: Really? (Brennan nods.) CAM: Fabric softeners permeated the soft tissue. Everything's swollen. Speaking of social contracts, do you like your gynecologist? BRENNAN: She's extremely competent, yes, but I don't think she's accepting new patients. I thought you were happy with Dr. Oxenburg? BOOTH: Alright, can you two just save the lady part discussion for when I'm not here? CAM: Dr. Oxenburg moved to California and I am looking for a doctor for Michelle. She's at that age, ya know? BOOTH: No. No, no. No. We're not going to be discussing your daughter's s*x life. Because A, she's a good girl; she doesn't have s*x and B, you're touching a dead body. BRENNAN: I don't follow your logic. CAM: I'm always touching a dead body, Seeley. If I let that be a variant of conversation, I wouldn't- (She's cut off by some of the remains falling from the washer and hitting her arm and rolls over and stops in front of Booth.) BOOTH: Oh, oh, ho. Okay. Can someone just please remove the eyeball. CAM: (walking over) Ooh. This is not an eyeball. (she picks it up and holds it out in front of her) BOOTH: What is it? CAM: I'll put it this way, our victim was male. BRENNAN: (smiling) Would you rather us go back to talking about lady parts? [OPENING CREDITS] (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform. Brennan, Arastoo and Hodgins are examining the skeleton) BRENNAN: The skeleton appears to have suffered a great deal of damage in the washer. HODGINS: Well, that wins the understatement award for today. BRENNAN: It's going to be very difficult to find cause of death. HODGINS: Well, if the 3lbs of muck I got here in the catch is any indication, then that washing machine must have been a beast. ARASTOO: Dr. Brennan, I found something. Right here, the junction of the maxilla and palatine. HODGINS: Bullet wound? He was shot? ARASTOO: It was a result of surgery, not a gunshot. Most likely from oral cancer. BRENNAN: There's also bone degeneration on the mandible. Our victim was probably a cigar smoker. Anything else? HODGINS: Condom! Unused. Never mind. ARASTOO: I also found a number of fully remodeled fractures. Here's one on the right hamate bone. BRENNAN: It's approximately 3 years old. ARASTOO: An injury like this is mostly typical for professional baseball players. The great Tony Peña suffered a similar fracture.. HODGINS: 0 for 11 as a utility infielder before being traded to the Royals. ARASTOO: To the White Sox, after a successful surgery to repair his hamate. HODGINS: Oh, and are all American Muslim drives in a run! Nice one, Arastoo! ARASTOO: Thank you. (Brennan clears her throat as a hint to get back to work.) ARASTOO: Uh, I through our victim played baseball but then I saw this. A number of mostly repaired impression fractures in the tibia and tarsus. BRENNAN: An injury pattern most commonly sustained by rock climbers. And these fractures occurred about a year after the hamate fracture. ARASTOO: And here's where I go for the triple because...another remodeled fracture. About a year old and to the hyoid. BRENNAN: With an accompanying micro-fracture on the parietal, almost certainly indicating our victim was involved in a high speed collison while wearing a helmet. What does this mean? HODGINS: Rock climbing, baseball playing, crash test dummy? (Cam enters.) CAM: Is there a testicle up here? HODGINS: Four that I know of... BRENNAN: I thought you located them at the scene? CAM: Just the one that scared Booth. I've cataloged the loose tissue and all the victims organs and glands are accounted for but the other testicle seems to have vanished. BRENNAN: Well, it's not here but it does appear our victim was in the habit of injuring himself, annually, in a variety of risky behaviors. CAM: So the guy with one gonad actually had balls. (Hodgins starts laughing, Brennan doesn't laugh) CAM: Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got an appointment. (Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are seated at the counter.) BOOTH: So you're telling me I should be looking for a cigar smoking, thrill seeker missing one of the family jewels. BRENNAN: That's correct. SWEETS: You know, stereotypical male behavior, such as cigar smoking and risk taking, could be a form of overcompensation for a man who was born with only one testicle. I could write up a profile. BRENNAN: There's no reason too, Sweets. born without one. He could just have easily of lost it in one of his dangerous pursuits. If a testicle is severely twisted or degloved, it almost always necessitates removal. In the case of penetrating trauma.. BOOTH: No. No. Just- do you think we can go 20 minutes on this case without talking about testicles? SWEETS: Please. BRENNAN: Okay. (she pauses) Booth has made a social contract with the marine biologist. SWEETS: Sorry? BOOTH: (laughing) It's amazing - you go from injured testicles to the woman I'm dating. And you? You're supposed to say "That's interesting." in a very annoying way. BRENNAN: It was a logical transition. SWEETS: But it is very interesting. BRENNAN: Booth and I are friends. Catherine is an intelligent, attractive woman and I'm intrigued by their developing relationship. BOOTH: That's nice...I think. SWEETS: Yeah. I think it is nice. BOOTH: Thank you, Bones. SWEETS: Wow. You two seem to be handling dating very well. I'm impressed. BRENNAN: Well, you've known me for 2 years, Sweets. You should expect to be impressed by me. (Cut to: The Medical Plaza. Dr. Paul Lidner's Office. Cam is sitting with a file folder on her lap.) CAM: You were board certified in '99? DR. LIDNER: That is correct. CAM: And you did a fellowship at Vanderbilt in - DR. LIDNER: Reproductive Endocrinology. Boy, you really did your research. CAM: You were recommended by Dr. Oxenburg but I wanted to make sure this is the right fit. DR. LIDNER: Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. CAM: Do you consider yourself easy to talk to? Especially about delicate topics - like, someone's first time having s*x. DR. LIDNER: Um, their first time with a new partner? CAM: No. No. Their first time. Like in losing virginity. DR. LIDNER: Oh. Well, uh, yes. Of course. I-I'd be, uh, very sensitive with that topic. Um, especially if the delay in sexual maturity was due to some sort of trauma or negative conditioning. CAM: Trauma? Oh, my god. Why would you bring up trauma. DR. LIDNER: Well, when an adult woman, such as yourself, forgoes sexual activity, there are often deeper issues at play. (Cam starts to laugh) What? CAM: There's been a misunderstanding here. I'm looking for a gynecologist for my daughter, who's 16. DR. LIDNER: Oh, great. I mean, yeah. That just makes more sense. Um, I deal with a lot of teenagers and uh, they feel very comfortable with me because they know they're free to speak about anything and it will remain confidential. CAM: Excellent. Well, obviously, you're respectful and highly qualified. I think this will work. DR. LIDNER: I'm glad. You and your husband can feel confident that I will treat your daughter with the utmost care and consideration. CAM: (reaching out her hand) Thank you. (she turns to leave, but then turns back) Acutally, I uh, don't have a husband. Michelle's my adoptive daughter. DR. LIDNER: Oh, I see. CAM: So, thank you, Dr. Lidner. DR. LIDNER: Uh, Paul. Please. Just call me Paul. CAM: Paul. (She nods and leaves.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookay Room. Cam enters) CAM: You have something for me? HODGINS: Yup. The fingernails. CAM: I don't think they're gonna help with the I.D. HODGINS: I also have clothing remnants, mostly denim. A chain, also mostly likely part of the victims apparel. Some pieces of molded silicone elastomer.. CAM: (picking up the petri dish) The missing testicle. HODGINS: Oh, god. CAM: It's a prosthetic one. They're made of a silicone shell and filled with saline. Now, obviously, this has suffered a lot of damage in the wash, but if we can get a serial number off this? We can get an I.D. (Hodgins makes a face. He is not thrilled about the fake testicle) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela has the silicone pieces on the big screen.) ANGELA: Okay. I photographed each piece of the silicone elastomer and I used the photos to reassemble a virtual prosthetic. CAM: Well, the serial numbers were pretty warn from the washing machine. ANGELA: Yeah. Well, hopefully by looking at the image under different color filters we can at least get some of the digits. You know, I have to say. This whole "finding I.D. by testicle" definitely beats facial reconstructions. CAM: Does that prosthetic seem overly large to you? ANGELA: Well, it isn't' to scale, Cam. CAM: Guess it's been a while. ANGELA: Okay, I got the serial number for you. CAM: I'll get it to Booth. (Cam leaves) ANGELA: (looking at the screen) It's pretty big. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Booth's Office. Booth and Brennan are looking at a folder.) BOOTH: Richard Cole. 42. Single. Commercial Real Estate Developer. Left his entire fortune to the American Cancer Society. So that rules out, uh, financial motive. BRENNAN: Researchers can be ruthless. BOOTH: Yeah. Look at this. This article a cigar connoisseur. BRENNAN: He had oral cancer, he shouldn't have smoked. BOOTH: That is not his biggest problem right now. He talks about going to fantasy camps every year for his birthday. BRENNAN: Fantasy camps? BOOTH: They're expensive camps where grown-ups get to pretend to be, you know, race car drivers, uh, professional ball players - pretty much anything. BRENNAN: That would explain the yearly injuries. You could easily crush a testicle at a rodeo camp. BOOTH: Look what's going on this week at the hotel. God, I wish I had enough money for this one. BRENNAN: Why? What is it? (Booth plays a video) SIMON GRAHAM: (online) Did you ever dream about jamming with your favorite musical heros or playing gigs in front of throgs of screaming fans? Well, please join us at the one and only fantasy camp created by legendary music manager and promoter - me. Simon Graham. BRENNAN: Music camp. BOOTH: That's not music. That's Rock 'n Roll, Baby. Yeah! (Cut to: Hotel - Hallway.) BOOTH: According to Cole's lawyer, he was trying to buy a property that Simon Graham didn't want him to have. BRENNAN: You think Graham murdered Cole to safeguard some property? BOOTH: It's possible. Don't say that Cole is dead. I don't want anybody panicking or trying to flee the scene. BRENNAN: I was a very big fan of Toad the Wet Sprocket. BOOTH: You might want to keep that to yourself, alright. Now, don't get overwhelmed. It's going to be very loud in here and.. (They enter the room to find people waiting on line.) GUY: So, are you going to the seminar on string height? GIRL: I have a class on tone control then. GUY: Oh, that's great. BOOTH: They're all in line. They're not even pushing. This is not my rock and roll fantasy. (Cut to: BOOTH: No, no. This can't be right. Rock and roll is not about seminars. Come on, people. Does anyone remember Laughter? GINO: Hey, I remember. Zeppelin, man! CAMPER #1: Dude, you could lose the tie around here. BRENNAN: Well, he-he likes it. It's a gift from a woman. BOOTH: (holding up his badge) FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. (to Brennan) Hacker get you anything? BRENNA: A subscription to Lapham's Quarterly. BOOTH: Sexy. GINO: Can I help you guys with something 'cause I really don't want to be late for class. I paid a fortune to be at this camp. BOOTH: Yeah, We're looking for Simon Graham. BEBE: I think he's near the stage. Walk this way. BOOTH: Aerosmith. GINO: Hey! You know you're music. This is Bebe. I'm Gino. CAMPER #1: Is something wrong? BRENNAN: It's about one of your camp mates. Richard Cole. BEBE: Cole? He hasn't been around for a couple of days. GINO: He probably got tired of fighting with Simon. SIMON GRAHAM (onstage) Boys and girls, Erik Dalton! GINO: Simon's in there. Erik Dalton is starting his workshop. BOOTH: What? Erik Dalton is here? (Erik starts playing his guitar. Booth starts heading to the stage. ) Bones! This is more like it! BRENNAN: (following him) Booth... BOOTH: Just gimme a minute, huh? BRENNAN: Booth. Booth. (Booth starts to jump around and play air guitar) BOOTH: Yeah! BRENNAN: (shouting over the noise) Shouldn't we try to talk to Simon? (Booth continues to play air guitar, ignoring her.) BRENNAN: Booth! (Brennan's had enough. She goes up to the stage and unplugs the guitar from the amp.) BOOTH: Whoa, whoa. ERIK DALTON: Who unplugged me?! No one unplugs me! BOOTH: (to Brennan) He's right. No one unplugs Erik Dalton. BRENNAN: Well, apparently, I do. It was the only way to get your attention. ERIK: Get her out of here, Simon. BRENNAN: (to Erik) You're- you're yelling unnecessarily, probably due to hearing loss from the music you play. SIMON: What do you think you're doing? BOOTH: Okay, uh, listen. Simon Graham, (Booth holds up his badge) FBI. We just have to ask you a few questions about Richard Cole. SIMON: Richard Cole? What the hell is this? I'm running a business here. BOOTH: I understand. It's not gonna take long. (to Erik - plugging his guitar back into the amp) Dude, I'm sorry. (Erik starts playing again - Booth holds up his finger to Simon and signals "one minute". He'll talk to him after he's done.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office.) ARASTOO: I've identified 83 injuries to the skeleton that occurred either at the time of death or in the washing machine. I can't tell which. HODGINS: So, no cause of death. ARASTOO: Not without evidence from hemorrhagic staining and these remains went through a wash cycle with industrial strength bleach. I was pitching a no hitter and now I can't find the plate. HODGINS: This baseball thing? You allowed to play? ARASTOO: No. The Qur'an strictly forbids baseball. lacrosse, of course, and board games with hungry hippos. HODGINS: That's a yes, with an additional comment on my ignorance. ARASTOO: I was a state All-Star in high school. I even got scouted by a couple of farm teams HODGINS: No way. ARASTOO: Yeah. I still play on the weekends. My mosque is in a league. We play against churches and synagogues. HODGINS: Wow. ARASTOO: You should join us sometime. HODGINS: Oh, come on. I can't be on an all-Muslim team. I'm a lapsed Episcopalian. ARASTOO: No, every team has a few ringers. The Jews have a Unitarian batting 400. HODGINS: Really? Huh. Never tried to beat the infidels before. ARASTOO: As long as you find something in your washer goop that helps me determine cause of death, you can play short stop. HODGINS: You're on. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Sweets meets Booth as he's getting off the elevator) SWEETS: Hey, is it true that Simon Graham's here? BOOTH: Yeah. He's in the conference room. SWEETS: Okay. I can provide a valuable insight, Agent Booth. The man practically invented a rock sub-culture. You need me. BOOTH: You just want to meet him. SWEETS: There's a little of that, yes, but I'll be professional. You know I'm a good profiler. BOOTH: Okay. Professional. SWEETS: Yes. Sure. Okay. Do you know how many seminal rock concert tours he's managed? BOOTH: The guy's a god but may be a murdering god. So, use your ears, not your mouth. Just listen. You understand? SWEETS: Yeah. (Cut to: FBI Headquaters - Conference Room.) SIMON: My camp is for people who love music. Not wannabes in designer jeans and fancy guitars they never touch. BOOTH: You describing Richard Cole? SIMON: Well, yeah, he's the idiot that wanted me to turn him into Jimmy Page when the only guitar that he ever played came from a video game, I mean SWEETS: That would offend you. That's a personal affront as someone who's dedicated their life to nurturing real musicians. SIMON: Well, shouldn't it? BOOTH: What can you tell me about The Stock Yard. SWEETS: Oh, it's a famous rock club in downtown Baltimore. All the greats used to play there. Mr. Graham used to run it in the 80's. You weren't asking me. Sorry. BOOTH: Once Cole's deal went through, he was gonna tear it down, wasn't he? SWEETS: That's why you and Cole were fighting, right? SIMON: Yeah, we settled that though. BOOTH: What are you talking about? SIMON: Well, Cole said that he'd leave the club alone if I let him do one song with Erik Dalton at the end of camp night. SWEETS: Erik Dalton was one of your guests? Erik Dalton's one of your guest stars? BOOTH: He blackmailed you. So did you agree to let Cole play with Dalton? SIMON: Well, yeah. This is The Stock Yard we're talking about. BOOTH: How did Dalton feel about that? SIMON: How do you think he'd feel? Listen, guys, do you mind if I go back to work? BOOTH: Sure. SWEETS: Yeah. One-one quick question. Bar fight: who wins? Prince and the New Power Generation or Korn. SIMON: (standing) Never mess with Prince. (He leaves.) SWEETS: (to Booth) Never mess with Prince. (He exhales and raises his hand as to say - slow down there, kiddo) (Cut to: Royal Diner. Michelle and Cam are at the counter eating lunch.) CAM: Honestly, I think you'll like Dr. Lidner and you should have someone else to talk to..especially if there's anything - anything you prefer I didn't know about. MICHELLE: I told you, Perry and I are not having s*x. CAM: I know and I believe you but you're growing up and your body - it's a woman's body now, not a child's and you should treat it like a woman and I'm gonna stop talking now. MICHELLE: It's no big deal, Cam. It's just a doctor. CAM: I know, it just means your growing up, for real. MICHELLE: And you don't quite know how to handle that. CAM: What? No...yeah, kinda but I will, we will, right? I mean, you don't know how to handle me, either. Do you? Because that would be embarrassing. MICHELLE: We're fine, Cam. CAM: Because you and Perry aren't having s*x, right? Okay, okay. Fry? (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Bone Room. Arastoo is still looking over the skeleton when Hodgins and Angela enter.) HODGINS: How's it going? ARASTOO: Dr. Brennan's waiting for cause of death. At this rate, I'm gonna be John Gochnaur. ANGELA: Okay, boys, I'll bite. Who is John Gochnaur? ARASTOO: Worst Major League Baseball player ever. HODGINS: Cleveland Indians. 187 batting average. Zero home runs and 146 errors. ANGELA: Well, is that bad? HODGINS: Yeah. It's incomprehensibly bad. (handing a tray to Asastoo.) Here, this might help. If found it in the washing machine cache. ARASTOO: What is it? HODGINS: Well, it's bone, so that's your department. ARASTOO: (looks into the microscope) Cross-hatching. May be bone, but it isn't human. HODGINS: What is it? ARASTOO: It can't be... HODGINS: What can't it be. ARASTOO: It's a piece of bone - tusk, actually - from a Wooly Mammoth HODGINS: There was a prehistoric elephant in the washer with him? What are you, nuts? ARASTOO: No. It has schreger lines on the grain - it's a Wooly Mammoth but no help to me. ANGELA: I wouldn't be so sure about that. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela is showing Brennan, Hodgins and Arastoo something on the big screen) ANGELA: See how this top edge curves? Now, if the curved continued - and then down here, before it got worn away in the washer - there was a point.. BRENNAN: A guitar pick. ANGELA: Exactly. BRENNAN: Wait. Why would someone want a guitar pick made of extinct prehistoric mammal. ANGELA: Well, according to my dad, guitarists have this thing about their picks: different materials make different sounds. HODGINS: Brian May uses and English penny. ANGELA: My dad uses a Nicaraguan Cordoba. Some guys use tortoise shells or uh, a sharks tooth. BRENNAN: Do you know of any famous guitarist who use Wooly Mammoth picks? ANGELA: Erik Dalton. ARASTOO: Mr. Dalton's pick winded up in the washing machine with a dead body. That poses some serious questions, don't you think? BRENNAN: Yes, I do. ANGELA: And Dalton isn't exactly for keeping his cool. Check out this video from a concert in Australia, two years ago. (She plays the video. Dalton is onstage, playing when a fan jumps on stage and knocks him over. He gets up, punches the guy in the face, throws his guitar on the floor and starts to take more swings at the guy until security comes and breaks up the fight) HODGINS: This guy has got a seriously short fuse. (Cut to: Hotel - Erik Dalton's Room. Booth and Brennan are there to talk to him. He's sitting down, strumming an acoustic guitar.) BOOTH: So Richard Cole stopped showing up for his private rehearsals with you and you don't notice? ERIK DALTON: Are you kidding me? I was thrilled. I was sick of kissing that guys ass (to Brennan) Hey, what are ya doing, baby? Can I help you with something? BRENNAN: You have no expertise that would be of value to me. ERIK: I wouldn't be so sure. Why don't you come sit next to me. BOOTH: Excuse me, I really like your music, doesn't mean I'm not gonna clock ya, alright? Let's just focus. So, Simon Graham - he pays you a boatload of money and you still treat the campers like crap? ERIK: Guys a poser, dude. I got stuck with an ass-hat who couldn't even play rhythm for Toad the Wet Sprocket. BRENNAN: Oh, I love them. ERIK: Hmm. Suddenly, the inside of my pants isn't such a happy place. BRENNAN: Personally, I find your music discordant and irritating - rather reminiscent of Muruwari death wailing in its capacity to annoy. BOOTH: So maybe Cole pisses you off. Throw a little coke into the mix. You lose control - I mean, it's not like it hasn't happened before. ERIK: Hey, man. I've been clean for two years. I even do yoga - and that hurts. BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: This splintering is fresh. Something hit the side of this table quite hard and there are scuff marks on the wall beside it that could indicate a struggle. BOOTH: Did you have a fight in this room? ERIK: A party. I had some campers over Tuesday night- gives them a story to tell their friends. (Brennan examines the carpet with a UV light. There are blood stains.) BRENNAN: There's blood on the carpet. ERIK: Ah, I don't know anything about that. When things got wild, I left. Caught a cab across town, spent some quality time with a girlfriend. BOOTH: Well, I'm gonna need that girlfriends name and number. BRENNAN: And I'm gonna need this carpet. ERIK: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: The Medical Plaza - Waiting Room. Michelle comes out of a door and meets up with Cam.) CAM: Hey, how did it go? MICHELLE: Fine. You really didn't need to come with me. CAM: I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable. MICHELLE: Sure. He's cool. Easy to talk to. CAM: Good. That's excellent. DR. LIDNER: Uh, excuse me, Dr. Saroyan. Um, do you have a minute? A couple of insurance questions is all. CAM: Sure. Be back in a minute. (Cut to: The Medical Center - Dr. Lidner's Office.) CAM: Is there a problem with Michelle? DR. LIDNER: Oh, no, no, no, no. She's-she's great. In perfect health. CAM: And she spoke to you..about things. DR. LIDNER: Confidential things. Yeah. I can tell you she's a wonderful girl. But that's not why I wanted to talk to you. CAM: Right. Insurance. DR. LIDNER: Uh, not about insurance, either, no. CAM: Now I'm stumped. DR. LIDNER: Um, I just thought - Would it be weird if I asked you to, uh, go out with me sometime? CAM: Ye-Yes, that-that, um...would be weird. DR. LIDNER: Of course. Uh, very weird. CAM: Yeah, right? It-it is weird. DR. LIDNER: Totally. Totally weird. CAM: But, um, I would say yes. DR. LIDNER: Really? (Cam nods) That's... great. CAM: Does that mean you're asking? (Cam's phone rings) Oh. I'm sorry. Excuse me. (she checks her phone) Work. I've got to go. DR. LIDNER: Oh, I-I am, though. CAM: What? DR. LIDNER: Asking. I'll call you? CAM: I would like that. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - ANgela's Office. Arastoo is showing Brennan and Angela micro-fractures.) ARASTOO: So we know that the micro-fractures radiate out of each trauma site. These micro-fractures expand until they run into other radiating fractures, which were created by earlier trauma wounds. ANGELA: Now, the trick is to separate out those points of trauma where the radiating micro-fractures just keep going because there were no earlier fractures to cross paths with. ARASTOO: In this way, we can identify the perimortem fractures, and therefore, determine that cause of death was trauma to the skull and chest cavity. BRENNAN: Cole was beaten to death. Excellent work. ARASTOO: Thank you. And Angela, of course. Double play, right? (They high five.) ANGELA: Yeah. BRENANN: I assume you were talking about baseball again, although I have no idea why. ANGELA: Well, it's baseball season, sweetie. This is when boys like to hit balls with sticks when the snow melts. I don't know why. BRENNAN: Oh. Well, what about the murder weapon? ARASTOO: I'm going to make castings of the pertinent injuries. ANGELA: I'm making him 3- D scans so he can focus on all the un-remodeled fractures. BRENNAN: Sweets would probably say that the need to hit balls with a large stick shows that you're insecure with your manhood. ARASTOO: I can assure you... BRENNAN: I think it's probably just enjoyable to hit things. (Brennan leaves. Angela laughs.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Cam's Office. Cam is talking to Brennan.) CAM: Erik Dalton's hotel room's a good bet for the murder scene. We found two sets of DNA. BRENNAN: So, two people bled on this carpet? CAM: Yes. The first set of DNA belonged to our victim. BRENNAN: Perhaps the second set belongs to our killer. CAM: I found traces of Klonopin in the mystery blood, which means, whoever it belongs to either has a panic disorder or epilepsy. BRENNAN: We should cross-reference the list of campers with the prescription drug database. (Brennan starts to walk towards the door but then turns back to Cam.) BRENNAN: Booth seems to like Catherine, don't you think? CAM: I do. I'm glad. It's been a long time since he's dated anyone. BRENNAN: I know. It's important for Booth to share his life. I prefer being alone. CAM: But you're seeing Hacker. BRENNAN: Yes, and I like him, but not like Booth. I mean not like Booth wants to like someone. CAM: All organisms evolve and develop along patterns only recognized in retrospect. Your life doesn't exist outside the laws of nature. BRENNAN: Then, in ignorance, I await my own surprise. Although the odds of it involving a commitment to another person are remote. CAM: I never thought I'd be dating now; yet I am. BRENNAN: You met someone. CAM: I think so. We're going to have lunch. BRENNAN: It's been quite a while for you. CAM: And thanks for pointing that out. (Brennan's receives a text message.) BRENNAN: Oh, Booth wants me to meet him at the hotel. CAM: Go. I'll call you if I get a hit on the Klonopin. (Cut to: Hotel - Stage Area. Students are practicing while Simon is giving some of them instructions.) SIMON: (O.S.) All right, now reverse on the chords. (Brennan enters the stage area. Booth is sitting on the Amp pretending to drum, his tie is now around his head, while the students are playing around him.) BRENNAN: Booth? Booth, I'm not sure this is a worthwhile use of our time. BOOTH: Why? We're still waiting for an I.D. on the blood, right? I mean, Come on. We've got a few minutes to spare. BRENNAN: This is pathetic, Booth, pretending to be something you're not. It's dilettante camp. BOOTH: Okay, listen. What if this was, like, anthropology fantasy camp, and you got to meet...I don't know, uh, Margaret Mead? BRENNAN: She's dead. BOOTH: Well, who would you want to meet? BRENNAN: Me. BOOTH: You? BRENNAN: Yes, if I were an anthropology enthusiast, I'd want to go to fantasy camp to meet me. BOOTH: Ah, come on, Bones. Play along. (The musicians start to play the opening notes to "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner.) It's rock and roll fantasy camp. It's cool, right? You hear that? That is our song. Remember "Hot Blooded"? BRENNAN: The last time we sang this song, Booth, someone tried to kill you. BOOTH: Yeah, but it was fun up until the blast, right? Come on. (BOoth jumps on the stage and starts singing into the microphone) BOOTH: (singing) I'm hot blooded, check it and see... (he notices Brennan strapping on a guitar) Wait a second. You play the guitar? BRENNAN: Well, I play the akonting, the folk lute of the Jola tribe, but the guitar is not dissimilar. (Brennan joins him on stage and starts to stum the guitar. They both start to sing.) BOOTH & BRENNAN: (singing) Well, I'm Hot blooded. Check it and see. I've got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on, baby, you can do more than dance. I'm hot blooded, hot blooded! (Brennan rocks on the guitar solo but receives a text message so she stops and checks her phone while Booth keeps rocking out) BRENNAN: Oh. (to Booth) Cam got an I.D. the other blood found in the hotel room. Fred Keaton. He's also registered here as a camper. BOOTH: Alright. (excited) One more verse. (Brennan smiles and starts playing the guitar again, they start singing. They're having a blast) BOOTH & BRENNAN: (singing) Well, I'm Hot blooded. Check it and see. I've got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on, baby, you can do more than dance. Hot blooded, hot blooded! BOOTH: Woo! (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth is talking with Fred Keaton.) FRED KEATON: I didn't do anything. BOOTH: You took off from fantasy camp. You disappear and you end up hiding out in some cheap motel? FRED KEATON: I wasn't hiding. BRENNAN: We know you and Richard Cole had a fight in Erik Dalton's hotel room. Your blood is on the carpet with his. FRED KEATON: He had it coming, okay? BOOTH: Well, what was the fight about? FRED KEATON: I told him I was still hoping to be discovered. I know it's ridiculous, but I've spent years in my garage playing and I'm good. It could happen, right? BOOTH: Just keep going. FRED KEATON: Last Monday, we had a jam night at camp. This guy came up to me, told me he's with Rolling Stone. Told me my guitar playing is amazing; he's gonna include me in an article called "The 100 Best Guitarists You've Never Heard Of. " BRENNAN: Oh, that sounds like a good thing. BOOTH: Sounds too good, I'm guessing. FRED KEATON: Then these girls come up, told me I'm going to be a star. Asked if they could keep me company for a few hours. BRENNAN: What-what for? BOOTH: s*x, Bones. BRENNAN; Oh. Quite a lucky night for you. BOOTH: It was a prank. See, he was messing with you, wasn't he? FRED KEATON: How was I supposed to know? I called my wife, told her I wanted to take a break. Then at Erik Dalton's party, Cole starts laughing. Tells me the journalist was an actor. And the groupies were... BOOTH: Professionals. FRED KEATON: Rich b*st*rd ruined my life. BRENNAN: Excellent motive for murder. FRED KEATON: What are you talking about? BOOTH: Richard Cole is dead and I'm thinking you killed him and took off. FRED KEATON: No. I left to do damage control. My wife won't even let me in the front door. She wouldn't even talk to me. Look, I have no idea who killed Cole but what he did to me, he deserved it. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Brennan, Angela, Hodgins and Arastoo are looking at the big screen.) ARASTOO: Angela scanned the castings I made of the fatal injuries so we can get a better sense of the murder weapon. ANGELA: Yeah and I cleaned up the edges and these are the shapes that caused the injuries. HODGINS: Cam said the blood spatter analysis didn't show any drag marks on the carpet from Dalton's hotel room. ANGELA: Hmm. Which means that Cole wasn't killed there. BRENNAN: No two of the injuries share the same impact surface area. ARASTOO: I know. So it appears the guy was hit with various weapons that were each used once. BRENNAN: Or he was hit multiple times by a weapon with a variety of surface shapes. ANGELA: Well, you know, this could be a tailpiece. BRENNAN: A what? ANGELA: And-and that could be a tremolo arm, which means that those lines are from strings. HODGINS: Wait a minute. Out victim was beaten to death with a guitar? BRENNAN: I've actually seen this before. Solid body guitars can prove quite lethal. ARASTOO: There have to be over 50 guitars at the fantasy camp. Without cause, we can't get warrants for all of them. ANGELA: Yeah, but that shape. I mean, the bottom is too curved to be a Tele or a Strat, but...it's not an SG because the tailpiece wraps around and then there's the distance to the jack plate. You know, I think we're looking for a '57 Gibson Les Paul. HODGINS: That is so hot that you know that. Interesting. It's-that's interesting. ANGELA: Well, it's not like I know every guitar, but I do know the expensive ones. BRENNAN: How expensive? ANGELA: I'd say our victim was beaten to death by about a quarter of a million dollars. (Cut to: Park. Cam and Dr. are sitting on a bench, having lunch with Dr. Paul Lidner.) CAM: And then after a perfectly nice evening, I could tell he didn't even want to shake my hand. He looked positively pained. He's a science professor. No. Associate professor. Oh. people get weird when they find out that I handle dead people all day. Now I just say I'm an insurance underwriter. DR. LIDNER: Oh. Good one. CAM: Mm-hmm. DR. LIDNER: I'm an accountant. CAM: No. DR. LIDNER: Oh, yeah. No one wants to talk about work with an accountant. Or an insurance underwriter. CAM: Except other accountants or underwriters. DR. LIDNER: Mm. (he laughs) CAM: So, do we share any other great deceptions? DR. LIDNER: Um... I can make a coin disappear and come out of your ear. CAM: Ooh. I hate magic. I'm sorry. DR. LIDNER: Ah. Yeah. Me too. But it always worked for my Uncle Dave. Of course he was in a nursing home. CAM: Am I smiling like a fool? 'Cause that would be embarrassing. DR. LIDNER: Ah, well, you look beautiful embarrassed. CAM: Then I'll keep smiling. DR. LIDNER: I should get back to the office. CAM: And I have a murder to solve. DR. LIDNER: Oh, right. CAM: Um, what do you say we catch a movie on the weekend? DR. LIDNER: Yeah. CAM: I'll see what my parental duties are and give you a call? DR. LIDNER: Sounds good. Okay. (Cam leaves) (Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are having lunch.) BOOTH: Do you remember when Simon told us that Cole showed up at camp with a fancy guitar? SWEETS: Yeah, he wasn't kidding. A '57 Gibson Les Paul? BOOTH: Yeah, well, it disappeared at the same time that Cole did. SWEETS: You think he was killed for his guitar? BRENANN: All we know is, he was killed with his guitar. SWEETS: With a '57 Gibson Les Paul. That's like whacking someone with the Mona Lisa. BOOTH: I got agents checking out dealers in the area. See if anyone tried to sell it. BRENNAN: Well, unless the killer destroyed it. BOOTH: Killing something like that would be like killing Altamont or, uh, "Smells Like Teen Spirit. " SWEETS: You know, the guitar has long been recognized as an unconscious symbol of copulation. The, uh, head and the shaft are phallic, the body feminine. Maybe our killer was acting out of sexual confusion. BOOTH: Or maybe someone just wanted the guitar. BRENNAN: Mm-hmm. BOOTH: Wouldn't you? SWEETS: Yeah. BOOTH: Yeah. (he gets a text) Oh, look at this; I got a hit. Dealer in DC got the guitar; said it was brought in by a woman with a pierced eyebrow. (Cut to: Hotel - Lobby. Bebe is seated, discussing music with ) GINO: Whatever. Jimi Hendrix choked to death on his own vomit. BEBE: The autopsy was inconsistent and Hendrix's manager confessed to shoving pills and red wine down his throat, hoping to cash in on an insurance policy. BOOTH: Wow. You really know your rock and roll deaths. BEBE: Oh, hi again. Yeah, I guess I do. BRENNAN: We need you to come with us. BEBE: What for? BOOTH: We have some unanswered questions about Kurt Cobain's death. We thought maybe you could give us some insight. BEBE: Seriously?! BRENNAN: Well, I believe he was being ironic but if you do have information about this Cobain person, I'm sure the FBI would appreciate that too. BOOTH: Thanks, Bones. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth is talking to Bebe) BEBE: Cole is dead. I thought he was just missing. BOOTH: That why you thought you'd get away with selling his quarter-of-a-million- dollar guitar? BEBE: How much? That dealer totally ripped me off. BOOTH: Stay on topic, all right? BEBE: Okay. After Dalton's party, I snuck into Cole's room and took the guitar. It was sitting on the stand all polished. He usual kept it filthy. I don't know why he suddenly gave a crap about it. BOOTH: How did you get in? BEBE: I had a key. We hooked up the first night of camp. You know, after all the loser musicians I dated, I thought I finally found a decent guy, but... BOOTH: What happened? BEBE: Cole told me that he was planning on sleeping with every woman at camp as part of his own rock and roll fantasy. He thanked me for being such low-hanging fruit. BOOTH: So you killed him and you stole his guitar. BEBE: He was a poseur; he didn't deserve that guitar. Look, I know it was wrong to take it, but I swear to God, I didn't kill him. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Observation Room.) SWEETS: I believe her. BOOTH: Me, too. Too bad she's going to prison for grand theft. BRENNAN: Then who killed Cole? SWEETS: Well, everything that you've learned about the victim, uh, indicates that he was only interested in the external signifiers of the rock and roll lifestyle, correct? BRENNAN: Yes, the clothes, the instruments, the groupers. BOOTH: Groupies, Bones. BRENNAN: Well, groupers would be more logical. Male groupers have harems of multiple females. If you enter into a social contract with a marine biologist, you should know these things. BOOTH: Yeah, well, a fish can't play the guitar. BRENNAN: Well, apparently, neither could Cole. BOOTH: You don't have to keep bringing up Catherine. BRENNAN: Well, you're welcome to bring up Andrew. SWEETS: I have an opinion on motive, if anyone's interested. BOOTH: Right. SWEETS: Okay. To a true music fan, the fact that Richard Cole was playing the ultimate guitar would be sacrilegious, profane, even. And the fact that the killer put it back in Cole's room, rather than destroy it, further demonstrates his reverence for rock and roll. BOOTH: So, you're saying that the music is the motive. SWEETS: I know it's wrong, but I am liking our killer better than our victim. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. The guitar is sitting on the stand.) ANGELA: Oh, wow. This is gorgeous. I wish my dad was here. CAM: No prints other than those of the dealer. HODGINS: The killer did an excellent cleaning job. CAM: Take it apart. See if he missed anything. ANGELA: Okay, um... I'm not going to watch that. HODGINS: I'll do it in the Ookey Room. Arastoo, little help here? (Hodgins grabs the guitar, Arastoo grabs the stand and they leave. Cam sees Michelle.) CAM: (to Angela) Will you excuse me? (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hallway. Cam and Michelle are walking to her office.) MICHELLE: Dr. Lidner left a message at the house. CAM: Was there anything wrong with your tests? MICHELLE: No. He was confirming your date for Saturday night. CAM: Oh. That. Yes. I was going to tell you... MICHELLE: You're dating my gynecologist!? CAM: It wasn't my fault. It just happened. MICHELLE: What? Think about what you'd say if I said that to you. CAM: I'd ground you. I'm...sorry. We had lunch. We liked each other. That's all. And that was wrong. Very, very wrong. MICHELLE: Is that why you sent me to him? So you could get a date? I know you haven't seen anyone since I've been living with you. CAM: No. He's a good doctor, that's all. MICHELLE: Who just happens to be cute. CAM: Yes. No. God. MICHELLE: Why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me? You have to sneak around behind my back? CAM: No. Wait. How did we switch roles here? MICHELLE: I can't go back to him now. That would be extremely skeevy. CAM: We just had lunch. I swear. I will never see him again. I promise. MICHELLE: Yes, you will. CAM: What? MICHELLE: You've been so focused on being a good mother that you've totally ignored yourself. Do you know what kind of pressure that puts on me? CAM: No, I... I didn't realize. MICHELLE: You need a life... for my sake. But don't sneak around behind my back. You two seem like a good fit. Have a little fun but don't go too fast. You're out of practice. CAM: Excuse me? MICHELLE: I thought you believed in honesty. CAM: Oh... all right. I'll go slow. Very, very slow. MICHELLE: And find me a new doctor. A woman. CAM: Sure. Right away. MICHELLE: I've got to get back to school. CAM: Okay. MICHELLE: Love you. CAM: Love you, too. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookey Room.) ARASTOO: What do you have, Dr. Hodgins? Anything? A walk? A single? Don't strike out, please. BRENNAN: Mr. Vaziri, your obsession with sport will no doubt diminish your mental acuity. ARASTOO: Oh, on the contrary, Dr. Brennan, baseballs a game built on mathematical certainty, the physics of force and velocity, as well as its anthropological significance as being one of the unifying cultural traditions for Americans. Hmm. Intellectually, it's quite stimulating, and, uh, I like swinging a bat. HODGINS: Okay, this fret is cracked. BRENNAN: What, from impact? HODGINS: No, no. The cracks are tiny. Yeah, you know, every fret in the lower register is cracked. ARASTOO: The guitar is old. HODGINS: Yeah, but that doesn't matter. This is from chlorine. See, the frets are made out of nickel and nickel reacts like this when exposed to chlorine. BRENNAN: There's a rooftop pool at the hotel. If Cole was murdered there, the killer might have cleaned the guitar with pure chlorine. HODGINS: That's why it was so clean when Bebe stole it. ARASTOO: Well, the strings are made out of nickel, too, aren't they? HODGINS: Yeah, but they're brand-new. I mean, there's no cracking. ARASTOO: The killer must have known he couldn't get all the blood off, so he didn't even try. HODGINS: Well, if the killer restrung the guitar, then maybe he left us a little present. Bingo. BRENNAN: Is that a hair? HODGINS: Yes. Yes, it is. Purple. BRENNAN: I think I know whose that is. Someone who would kill to play with Erik Dalton. I believe we would call this a home run. (Cut to: Hotel Lobby. Gino is up on stage playing the final song of camp with Erik Dalton. All the campers are rocking out. Booth and Brennan make their way through the crowd.) BOOTH: Guess what, uh, kind of pick Bebe said Gino uses. BRENNAN: Woolly mammoth? (They get to the front. Booth sees Gino and hold up his handcuffs to let him know that they're there for him - but they let him finish playing the song.) CROWD: Whoo! BRENNAN: Whoo! GINO: Whoo! (He jumps off stage and goes over to Booth and Brennan) GINO: I couldn't let that poser play with it. Go ahead, man. It was worth it. BOOTH: Yeah, I'm sure it was. Come on. (He cuffs Gino and leads him away) GINO: WOO! (Cut to: Founding Fathers. Booth and Brennan are sitting at the bar, having a beer.) BOOTH: You know, our killer plays a mean guitar. I'm sure that they have, you know, a band in prison for him. BRENNAN: You're a very good singer. BOOTH: Thank you, Bones. And you-you play the guitar in a very interesting fashion. BRENNAN: I know. Does Catherine play? BOOTH: I don't know. I've only been out with her twice, Bones. BRENNAN: Last night, Andrew gave me a CD with music he likes. BOOTH: Mix-tape, huh? Talk about a social contract. BRENNAN: That's what I surmised. (she pauses) Our partnership is still important to me. You know that, right? BOOTH: Sure. Yeah. Die for your, partner. That's the way I look at it. (After a few seconds..) BRENNAN: I liked Andrew's taste in music except for a band called Led Zeppelin. BOOTH: Except for a band called Led Zeppelin? BRENNAN: (hesitantly) Yes. BOOTH: What? You kidding me? Led Zeppelin is, like, the best rock and roll band ever. I mean, they had a reunion tour in '07 in London. I would have killed for those tickets. BRENNAN: Really? My publisher offered me tickets, but when I heard "Zeppelin," I thought it was for some sort of air show. BOOTH: Air show? You turned down what probably was the last concert that Zeppelin would ever play? BRENNAN: Are you going to kill me? BOOTH: You're unbelievable! BRENNAN: Well, it's just a band, Booth. BOOTH: It's not just a band, okay? This is Led Zeppelin. You know what? I am your partner. You offer your partner those kind of things. BRENNAN: I didn't know that! BOOTH: Offer your partner the tickets. END.
The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle