Alex and Paige are still confused over what happened the night before, and Kevin Smith helps Paige deal with her sexuality. Meanwhile, Emma feels compelled to tell her mother about what she saw, but when Snake asks her to keep it a secret, she has to make a difficult choice.
At Paige's house, Paige walks into her room and opens her blinds loudly waking Alex up Alex: Who's the evil genius who made mornings so friggen bright? Paige: Oh probably the same evil genius who decided that there should be school days after crazy movie premieres. Alex: Crazy? That's the verb you're gonna use to describe last night? Paige: Adjective. And considering I voluntarily slept on the downstairs couch, crazy seems about right. Alex: You didn't have to sleep on the couch. You would have been safe in your room with me. Paige: We're gonna be late and I hate being late so you should uh, you should get ready. Now if I could just find my bus pass that would be absolutely brilliant Alex: Paige. Paige: You know the bus people should really just, just give an implant or a, or a tattoo and I could save- Alex: Paige! Hey. I'm Alex, your friend. Can you just talk to me? Paige: I can't even begin to process what happened last night. Not with our little sister act slut dance or the drama with your mom's boyfriend. Alex: You call that drama? I call that reality TV. Paige: It's not funny. This is not funny. There is a girl in my bed, Alex. You! It's like I woke up in some weird movie with subtitles. The kind of movie that I hate and I can't deal with it, okay? I can't deal with you. Alex: Alright. I'm just gonna go rub some toothpaste on my teeth and then you can walk twenty paces ahead of me all the way to the bus stop. In the gymnasium Paige: Hi! Hi, hi. Sorry I'm late. Hazel: Hey. What happened to you last night? You and Alex went in the VIP party and poof! You never came back out. Paige: Um I'm not quite sure how to, how to describe what happened exactly. Hazel: Why? Did you meet somebody? You did? Is he famous? Would I know who he is? Paige: Famous no, but um you might know who he is. Darcy: Sorry to interrupt. The assembly's at four so we should really start rehearsing that new cheer. You know the thank you Kevin Smith assembly? The one that you've written the new cheer for. You have written it, right? Paige: Sure hun. Um I have it all worked out in my head, so let's meet back here at noon and I will have the most brilliant-est cheer typed up and ready for rehearsing. Darcy: Okay. Great. Outside the school Spike: When you asked for a ride I thought you had something to tell me. (Mr. Simpson rides up on his motorcycle.) Emma: I can't believe you let him keep that stupid motorbike. Spike: Aw it's harmless in a mid-life crisis sort of way. He looks happy. Emma: Mom, be honest. He looks stupid. That bike was such a mistake. Spike: Sometimes you have to let people make mistakes. That's what love's all about. (Emma gets out of the car and walks right past Mr. Simpson.) Mr. Simpson: Emma. Emma I know you hate me right now, not that I don't deserve it. Emma: For having an affair with the principal? I think you deserve just a drop of anger for that. Mr. Simpson: It's not an affair, alright? It stopped at kissing and I promise it'll never ever happen again. Emma: I have to get to class. Spike: (Driving away honking) Bye guys. (Emma walks into the school.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Morning Emma. Emma: Don't talk to me. (Ms. Hatzilakos pauses and when Mr. Simpson walks in they give each other weird looks.) In the media immersion classroom Marco: Hey. Paige: Can I ask you a teensy question? Do you ever think about girls? Marco: Uh interesting question first thing in the morning. Now did you miss the years that I dated your brother? Paige: But just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't think about girls every now and then, right? Marco: Are you trying to hook me up with someone? Oh wicked. That mean there's a girl out there who likes me? Paige: No. The object of female affection's pretty much me. Marco: You? Oh I know it! It's Heather Sinclair. Paige I've seen the way she looks at you and- Paige: Ew. Double ew. No. It's not Heather Sinclair. Alex! Alex: Hey. Paige: Hi. Marco: Hey pull up a chair. Hey you two still need to tell me about that VIP party last night! Alex: I think I'm gonna sit over here today. Marco: Oh. Oh. Paige it's Alex? Paige: She kissed me last night. (The bell rings and Mr. Simpson walks into the room.) Mr. Simpson: Morning class. As you know Kevin Smith will be visiting us today. I want you to take advantage of him being here. Prepare some smart media questions for him. Alex: (In an IM) Could you deal with lunch? Paige: (In an IM) SS practice. Sorry. (Alex looks upset so Paige sends her another message.) Paige: (In an IM) 2nd period spare-laneway? In the alley Jay: Waiting for someone? Alex: Oh look! Here I am in an alley and a rat appears. Just like magic. Jay: I found these under the table at the club. I thought maybe your new bestest girlfriend might want them back. (Alex tries to take the shoes and Jay pulls them away.) Alex: Just give me the shoes and go away. Jay: First I want you to tell me what it is you think you could possibly have in common with a stuck up cheerleader. Paige: Sorry I took so long. (Paige walks over and Jay leaves.) Paige: I seem to have interrupted fun time with Jay, which looked kind of hot. Alex: No. In fact it's been cancelled. Replaced with fun time with Paige. Paige: Alex. We need to talk. This can't happen. I'm not a...lesbian. Alex: And you think I am? Paige: Well you're the one who kissed me. Alex: What are you, five? And for the record you kissed me back. Paige: I'm not even supposed to like people like you. People who, who wear black with navy and who hate everything and everyone. Alex: I don't hate you. Even if you are one of the popular idiots who drinks latte's and reads stupid magazines and laughs way too loud. Paige: I have to laugh when I'm around you. I can't really help it. Alex: And I have to be better when I'm around you. I can't help it either. (They lean in and start kissing while Jay watches them from the bushes.) In front of the school Jay: Need a couple hands for your poms? Hazel: What do you want? Jay: World peace, salami sub, and a chance to talk to my good friend Haz-e! Hazel: We're not friends. Jay: So you don't want to hear my news then? That Paige has gone the gay way. Hazel: Excuse me? Jay: You heard me. Yeah, I saw your friend and my ex doing some seriously sexy dancing last night. Hazel: So? You need to get out more. Girls do that stuff all the time. Jay: And I just saw Paige lay a big ol' smooch on Alex. You trying to tell me that's something that girls do all the time? Hazel: I'm not getting involved in this. Jay: Listen! Do you really think that Paige wants to end her distinguished high school career as the school lesbo? Hazel: You're being disgusting. Jay: I'm being honest! And what about you huh? Are you looking forward to those inevitable rumours about you and Paige? Is that how you want to be remembered? In the gymnasium, Paige is underneath a stunt while Darcy is topping Hazel: Paige I need to speak to you now. Paige: Kinda busy right now. Hazel: I bet you'll be even busier later...with her. Darcy: Paige! Paige: I got you. What are you talking about? Hazel: I'm talking about Alex. What is she doing here? Is she like your girlfriend now? (Paige is shocked and drops Darcy.) Darcy: Don't worry. I'm fine. Paige: Who told you? Hazel: Jay! Paige did you become a lesbian and not tell me? Paige: No! No Hazel. I'm not a lesbian hello! Matt, Spinner...I've dated lots of guys. Hazel: Well then how come Jay saw you kissing Alex? Paige: Um I just got caught up in a moment. Hazel: And that's all? (Alex starts walking over and overhears Paige.) Paige: Of course. It was totally stupid. It meant nothing. She means nothing. (Alex walks away angry and Paige runs out after her.) Paige: Alex! Alex: Don't bother. (Paige stops her.) Alex: How could you? Paige: I do not like girls. I cannot like girls! Alex: Then why did you kiss me? Paige: I don't know. I felt bad. I didn't want to hurt you. Alex: Who needs your pity huh? I don't. (Alex walks away while Kevin and Jason are shown signing autographs and are shocked at what they just heard.) Kevin: Well. Paige: Oh um excuse me while I go uh flush my head down the toilet. In the auditorium Ms. Hatzilakos: We're ready to begin. Can I have everyone's attention please? Can everyone- (She bangs on the podium and everyone settles down.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Can I have everyone's attention? Please grab your seats. We're gonna begin now. Thank you. At this time last year Degrassi was struggling out of an awful tragedy and then came Kevin Smith. (Everyone cheers.) Ms. Hatzilakos: He cast our school as the backdrop for his movie Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian Eh? and as a token of our gratitude, Mr. Smith, I would like to present you with an honorary diploma. (He stands up to get it.) Kevin: Noo. Thank you. Ms. Hatzilakos: But before we make it completely official our spirit squad would like to send you on your way in style. Paige? Darcy: What are we gonna do? Paige: I haven't come up with anything. Hazel: Just improvise. Paige: Okay. Uh...go. Just cartwheels okay? Paige: Give me a K. Darcy: K! Paige: Give me an E. Jason: E! Paige: Give me a V-I-N-S-M-I-T-H. Yay! (Paige runs out of the gym and Kevin starts clapping hesitantly.) Kevin: Uh... [SCENE_BREAK] At Emma's house, Spike feels Emma's forehead Emma: Mom! I'm fine. Spike: Don't seem fine to me little girl. Mr. Simpson: Buenos Dias senoritas! Spike: That's not your motorcycle helmet. Where's all the Kevlar? Mr. Simpson: I sold it! The motorbike, the helmet, the works because uh we're going to Mexico! You, me, Emma and Manny will be spending a week on the Mayan Riviera at the end of term. Spike: What about Jack? Mr. Simpson: Oh, the grandmas already fighting for him. It's all been taken care of. Spike: I love you so much! I don't deserve such a perfect husband! Emma: Stop it! Just stop it! Spike: Emma. What is it sweetheart? Tell me what's wrong! Mr. Simpson: It's about me. It's something I did. At Alex's apartment building, Jay is sitting outside Alex: Why is it that every time I turn a corner there you are. Jay: I'm like one of those annoying pop songs. Once I get stuck in your head I'm impossible to get rid of. Alex: What do you want Jay? Really. Jay: My life sucks, okay? I'm kicked out of school, Sean moved away, Spinner's found the lord and the only person who ever really got me won't even give me the time of day. I'm not perfect. I know that, but I get you, you know? The real you 'cause you and me we're the same...you know? Why do you want to fight that? (She opens up the door and they both walk in.) In the gymnasium, Kevin and Jason are playing basketball and Kevin won Kevin: Don't hate the playa son, hate the game. Know what I'm saying? Oh Ms. Michalchuk! Want to shoot some horse with us or are you running off to a spelling bee or something like that? Paige: Uh about the cheer...please know that I've composed more cheery before. Kevin: Nobody's ever done a cheer in my honour so by default your cheer for me was about the best I've ever had, so thank you. Paige: I was kinda distracted. Kevin: Distracted, huh? Let me guess. By some kind of acid tongue, raven haired beauty from the wrong side of tracks, maybe? Ms. Hatzilakos: Kevin. Jason. Listen, your taxi's here. Kevin: Thank you Ms. Hatzilakos. Kevin: Let me ask you a question, you like this girl? Like you know, like her, like her? Paige: Yeah I like her, but I'm not gay. My brother is gay. I'm straight. I always have been. Kevin: Your brother is gay? My brother is gay too! Even got married to a guy. Paige: Really? Kevin: Yeah it was the hottest wedding I'd ever been to in my life. Really, really cool. Hands down. Almost made me want to switch teams. Almost. Look I'm probably the last guy in the world who should be giving you advice on this very subject, but I don't know you guys seemed happy the other night and that's kind of rare and whether it's gay, straight, bi, whatever...it's kind of worth investigating a little further I'd say. Just my two cents. You just gonna stand there staring at me after I've dropped that wisdom on you? Come on that's your move. Go chase the girl, silly! At Emma's house Mr. Simpson: It was a mistake. It was just a kiss! Spike: What about Emma? What about her feelings? Mr. Simpson: Look, believe me it was never my intentions to involve her in this! Spike: Just go! Mr. Simpson: I'm so sorry Emma, but um, I'm gonna go stay at Joey's just for a while. Emma: No! No you can't. Go up there and convince her to let you stay! Mr. Simpson: Emma, listen. What I did was horrible, but I would never have done it if there wasn't something wrong with me. I've got to go figure it out. Emma: Do you love my mother? Mr. Simpson: Of course. Emma: And Jack? Mr. Simpson: Em, he's my son. Emma: What about me? Mr. Simpson: You know I do. Emma: So what's to figure out?! (He leaves as Emma sits on the couch crying.) At Alex's house Jay: This is nice huh? Just like old times. Alex: I said you could come in and watch TV Jay. That's all. This doesn't mean anything. Jay: Yeah. Sure Lexie. Whatever you say! (Alex's mother and her boyfriend walk in.) Jay: Chad! Chad: Hey! Jay: It's been a long time. You been working hard? Chad: Hardly working. Where you at bud? Jay: Oh you know here and there. Just trying to keep myself out of trouble. Ms. Nunez: Give me some sugar you handsome devil. Hello! Jay: Look at you. You are looking as beautiful as ever Emily. Ms. Nunez: Aw such a charmer. I always knew this one was a keeper Lexie. Sort of reminds me of old Chad here. I am so glad you finally came to your senses and took Jay back baby. Alex: I haven't taken him back. Jay: Well not yet. (He puts his arm around Alex and she pushes it off.) Alex: No! Not ever. I need some air. (Alex walks outside and sees Paige standing there.) Paige: I've been trying to work up the nerve to ring the doorbell. Alex: We don't have one. Welcome to my world. Paige: Any room in it for a stupid girl? Alex: I already have one of those. Paige: Well how about room for someone who's ready to stop worrying so much about what other people think? Alex: There might be room for her. Paige: Alex I'm sorry about before, what I said. Alex: Whatever Paige. It's cool. Paige: No, it's not. I said you were nothing to me, which...which is a total lie because right now you're pretty much everything. (They clasp hands smiling.) Scenes for next week Craig: (To the camera) Nobody breaks up this band. It's all of us or nothing. Voiceover: Sometimes dreams come true. Manager: I'd like to manage you. Craig: A real music industry manager has signed us! Voiceover: But some dreams carry a heavy price tag. Manager: (To Ellie) Honey you're not cut out for us Voiceover: In more ways than one. (Craig is shown holding pamphlets and talking to Joey and Diane.) Craig: I got early acceptance and a full scholarship. My future is music. I'm not gonna give this up.
The Lexicon of Love Part 2