In Los Angeles, while directing re-shoots on "Wicked Dead", Dawson finds his authority questioned by Heather Tracey and the other producers when Natasha refuses to do a nude scene. As a result, Dawson adopts an aggressive take-no-prisoners attitude, similar to the one that Todd has, to take control of the situation. In Boston, Joey is unable to say good-bye to Eddie who is moving to California to register at a college when she convinces him to help her take Audrey to a rehab clinic in Los Angeles, and the three of them, plus a guy Audrey picks up, drive cross country where the four constantly quarrel with each other. Jen spends her time consoling a dumped Grams, and Jen and C.J. set a lonely Grams up with C.J.'s Uncle Bill, who turns out to be quite randy.
[Scene: Joey and Audrey's dorm room. Joey is packing a bag, while Audrey is trying to do anything she can to slow her down.] Audrey: I don't want to go to rehab. Joey: Too bad, sister. You're going. Audrey: Joey, I gotta tell you something. I read the brochures, and it doesn't look like a whole lot of fun. Joey: Audrey, do you remember how I found you unconscious the other night? Audrey: Duh. I was unconscious. Joey: You remember how the doctor said you could've died? Audrey: Don't you think he was being just a tad dramatic? I mean, I am sure that I'm not the first college student to suffer a mild case of alcohol poisoning, and I'm reasonably certain that I'm not gonna be the last. Joey: Audrey. You have a problem. A big problem. You need help. You need to be around people who love and care about you. Audrey: Right. And those people would be? Joey: Your parents? Audrey: [Snickers] Yeah. And thanks for calling 'em, by the way, because that was a fun conversation. Joey: My pleasure. Hey, do you want this? [Joey holds up a sweater.] Audrey: Mmm...no. That doesn't accentuate the rack enough. Joey: Audrey, you're going to rehab. I think you might want to focus more on getting better and less on getting laid. Audrey: Well, I don't see why a girl can't do both. I mean, what if Ben Affleck is there? He is the sexiest man alive, you know. Ooh, that reminds me. Did you pack my Jane magazines? I missed, like, 5 issues while I was out wasted and whatnot. Joey: Yeah. They're in here along with the stack of In Style and a tape full of Trading Spaces that I made for you. Audrey: Joey potter... you are a dream. And don't you forget it. Joey: I won't. [Telephone rings] Joey: Hello. Oh. Um, yeah. She'll be right down. Thank you. [Joey hangs up the phone and turns to Audrey] Joey: Well, your cab's here. Audrey: Joy. Joey: Gimme a big hug. Get better soon. Ok? Audrey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joey: You can do this. Audrey: Blah, blah, blah. [Sighs] Can I have a drink at the airport? Joey: No. Audrey: Just a little one? Joey: Sorry. Audrey: Bitch! Joey: And if you do have s*x with Ben Affleck, call me. I want to hear how it is. Audrey: Oh, well, you will get one. Ok. I shall return. And when I do, I will be clean, sober, and a hell of a lot more boring. Joey: I can't wait. Audrey: Seriously, Joey... just thank you for... for everything-- for not giving up on me and all that. I kinda love you for it. Joey: You're a royal pain, and I love you, too. Ok. You can do this. [Deep sigh] Fly safe. Audrey: Ok. [They hug and Audrey grabs her bag and leaves. When she is out in the hall she stops by a corner in the hallway and leans against it] Audrey: [Sighs] [Opening credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey is late for something, and her printer is not printing at a speed that she feels is good enough, and is quickly getting impatient with it. She is in her coat and has her bag in her arms and is ready to go but the printer is holding her up.] Joey: Come on, come on. [Te document finishes printing and she quickly grabs it and shoves it into her bag. ] Joey: Ok. [she opens the door to leave and sees Eddie standing outside the door.] Eddie: Hey. Joey: Hey. Eddie: How you been? Joey: What do you want, Eddie? Eddie: I won't keep you. I... I just wanted to say good-bye. Joey: Really. 'Cause that's not really your style, is it? To what do I owe the honor? Eddie: [Chuckling] Man, the thing that always gets me about you, Joey, is that you're 10 times sexier when you're angry. And you seem to be angry at me a lot. Lucky me, I guess. Joey: Yeah. Well, it's nice seeing you. Keep in touch. Eddie: Wait. I've been thinking a lot about what you said that night. About taking chances, you know? About...not givin' up on myself. You were right about everything, Joey. I was afraid. Joey: You're...tellin' me this why, exactly? Eddie: I'm...goin' to California. Yeah. My sister lives out there. I'm gonna crash with her and her family. I've got an appointment with that school. Joey: That's great. Eddie: Yeah. And believe it or not, Hetson actually wrote me a recommendation. It looks like there might be some kind of scholarship for me. I mean, I don't know if anything will ever come of it, you know, but... I'm just gonna go for it, you know? Give it a shot. Joey: Good for you. Eddie: Yeah. Good for me. Joey: So...when are you leaving? Eddie: Tonight. Car's all packed. You know. Just me and the open road. Um... I'll let you get to class. You know, I just... I just wanted to say thank you... for everything. I owe you big time, Joey Potter. Joey: Good luck out there. Eddie: Yeah. Listen... I know you hate my guts... but you think a hug would be out of the question? Joey: [Sighs softly] [they hug. And they are both enjoying it without letting the other one know. Then Eddie kisses Joey and the phone rings in her room] [Telephone rings] Joey: Excuse me. Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. Liddell. What?! Where is she, then? Ok, uh...let me check, and I'll call you back. Eddie: What is it? What's wrong? Joey: Remember how you said you owed me big time? Eddie: Yeah. Joey: I may be collecting a lot sooner than I thought. [Scene: The movie set. Dawson is attempting to shoot the re-shots of the movie. They are shooting a scene with Natasha in it, and she comes running around the front of a car, while a guy playing her boyfriend is chasing her and tickling her.] Natasha: No tickling! I told you... no means no! Ha ha ha ha! Dawson: And cut! Awesome. Check the gate. We're movin' on. Frank: Moving on to what, exactly? Dawson: Next scene. Frank: I see. So I guess you weren't planning on getting any coverage here. Dawson: Um, I'm sorry. I said--I got excited. Not the next scene. I meant next shot. Frank: Which is? Dawson: I'm thinking dueling overs. Frank: [Chuckling] How interesting. 'Cause I'm thinking... that's not gonna work. It's impossible to light dueling overs. What else you got? Dawson: Ok. W-what would you suggest? Frank: I don't know. A couple years of film school, maybe. That chair doesn't make you a director, kid. [Frank laughs and then walks off, and several other cast members are giggling as well. Natasha comes walking up to Dawson as he stands there shaking his head.] Natasha: Can I ask you something? Dawson: Sure. Natasha: This scene... Dawson: Yeah? Natasha: Why does it suck so much? Dawson: [Sighs] You don't like it? Natasha: I hate it. Who wrote this crap? Dawson: I did. Natasha: Ooh. Well...could you maybe find a way to say some of this smarter? [Cell phone rings] Dawson: Um...hold that thought. [Dawson answers his cell phone] Dawson: Hello. Mom. [Chuckles] Dawson: Hey. Yeah. You know, can I call you back? This is really not a good time. I've--uh, yeah. I've--I'm eating fine. Ok. Yeah. Bye. [He hangs up and sees Natasha giggling at him] Natasha: How mommy doing? Dawson: [Sighs] She's great. Now, where were we? We were talkin' about how much I sucked. Right? Natasha: Right. So these pages, in addition to their general suckage, seem to imply that Claire needs to get naked. Dawson: Yeah. The studio wanted a little bit of gratuitous T&A. But don't worry. I plan to shoot it very tastefully. Natasha: Oh. Good to know, Dawson. But I'm not getting naked. Dawson: What do you mean? Natasha: I don't do nudity. Dawson: But Natasha: No buts about it. I'm not gettin' naked. No means no. You know? Dawson: [Sighs] [Scene: Outside the Lindley's House. Grams gets out of the car parked out front, and slams the door.] Grams: Well, I never! [Jen comes walking up and sees Grams upset.] Jen: Whoa. Grams? Hey. Hey, hey. What's wrong? What is it? Grams: I think Clifton Smalls and I have just broken up. Jen: No! I thought you two were terminally smitten. What...what happened? Grams: He wanted me Jen: What?! Grams: To... Jen: Is this about s*x? Did he want you to do something Grams: no, no, no. Everything's fine in that area. [Takes deep breath] A-any reference to Mr. Smalls' surname is a--a misnomer, so let's leave it at that. Jen: Oh! Grams: He wanted me to convert Jen: What? To convert what? Grams: To Judaism. Jen: Clifton Smalls is Jewish? Grams: He most certainly is. Jennifer, I can't do that. I can't turn my back on my faith. Jen: Big baby Jesus would have a fit. I'm sorry. Blasphemy, whatnot. Come on! You deserve so much better than that. Clifton smalls is a freak. Grams: Well, that's just it, Jennifer. Clifton Smalls is not a freak. Clifton smalls... is a wonderful man. [Scene: Some Apartment Building. Joey and Eddie come walking up to door #34 and begin knocking on the door.] [Knocking] Joey: Audrey, open up. I know you're in there. Audrey [Some guy opens the door and a huge puff of smoke comes out into the halls.] Bob: Where's the food? [Coughs] Who are you? Bob: I'm Bob. Joey: Audrey Audrey! Where the hell's Audrey? Bob: Oh, is that the blonde girl? Joey: Audrey You spent the night with my friend, and you don't even know her name? Bob: Well, we didn't really do much talkin', if you know what I mean. We porked. Joey: Audrey Where is she?! Bob: She's in the crapper. She went in there a while ago. [Joey goes over to the door of the bathroom and opens it and Eddie comes with her. She sees Audrey lying motionless in the bathtub] Joey: Aah! [Audrey wakes up and quickly covers herself seeing everyone] Audrey: Aah! Joey: Aah! Audrey: Aah! Eddie: Aah! Audrey: Aah! Joey: Audrey! What are you doing?! Audrey: Taking a bath! And I fell asleep! What does it look like I'm doing?! [Joey hands her a robe and she gets out of the tub] What the hell is he doin' here? I thought you two were splits Ville. Joey: Nice to see you, too, Audrey. You didn't show up for rehab. Audrey: You know, you've really got an eye for the detail. How long have you been on the force, detective? Joey: What happened? Audrey: Hey, is that guy still out there? Joey: Bob? Audrey: Is that his name? Oh, we didn't really do a lot of talking, if you know what I mean. Joey: Where did you find him? Audrey: I was doing karaoke around the corner at some bar, and I did this guns 'n' roses song, and the kid just started worshipping me. Joey: Look, that's it. I've heard enough. Ok? Pack your bags. Let's go. Audrey: Where? Joey: Eddie's driving to L.A., And I'm gonna take you to rehab. Audrey: [Audrey scoffs] Joey... just...don't get all after-school special on me now. I mean, it is sweet and everything, but it kinda gives me dumb chills. I'm not goin' to rehab. You're just gonna have to deal with it. Joey: Fine! Fine. Don't go to rehab. But at least come with us. I mean, clear your mind or something. I mean, do you really want to be hiding out Bob: [Coughing] Joey: With the likes... Bob: [Coughing] [Bob comes up to join them in the bathroom.] Bob: Guys mind if I pee? Audrey: Ok. I'll come on one condition. I get to bring Bob. Joey: No way! Audrey: Fine. Then I'm staying here. Joey: You don't even like him. Audrey: Sure, I do. He's 21. He can buy us drinks. Bob, I'll have you know, is an outstanding lay. Bob: I am? Audrey: Yes, bob, you are. Bob: Hear that, veronica? Betty thinks I'm an outstanding lay. Want a piece? Joey: Fine. Bob can come. Get your stuff. We'll be in the car. [Joey and Eddie leave them alone] Bob: Mmhh. So, where we goin', baby? Audrey: [Sighs] We are goin' to L.A. Bob: Cool. That's where Ozzy lives. You know, you have really beautiful breasts. And someone should tell you that every day. [Looks over at Audrey as she is rubbing some lotion on her hands] Bob: [Coughs loudly] Rub that lotion. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Eddie's Jeep. Joey, Eddie, Audrey and Bob have started their trip on the road. Audrey and Bob are asleep in the back seat while Eddie is driving and Joey is staring silently out the window at nothing at all. Joey notices that Eddie keeps looking over at her.] Joey: What? Eddie: Nothing. It's just you haven't said a word in, like, 4 hours. Joey: What do you want me to say? Eddie: Well, for starters, how about, "thank you for helping me out with all this"? Joey: You're the one who said you owed me big time. Besides, it's not like it's really out of your way or anything. Eddie: Well, it's really more about simple human kindness, Joey. Joey: Oh, this from a guy who dropped out of my life without so much as a passive-aggressive e-mail? How does that fit into your definition of "simple human kindness"? [Audrey stirs awake in thee back seat] Audrey: Mmmhhh... where are we? Joey: Somewhere in North Carolina. Audrey: Oh, mama! The south will rise again. Ok, you guys... [Yawns loudly] This road trip blows! Ok, for starters, the classic rock has gotta go. And secondly, we haven't stopped to do anything fun. It's not like we're in a rush! We should stop and smell the roses! [The sound of a loud fart breaks the silence] Joey: Oh, my god. Joey: Ohh! Eddie: Ohh! Audrey: Ohh! Eddie: Oh, god! Audrey: Man! What is that? [The all begin opening windows] Eddie: Man! That's not me. I did not Audrey: Oh, I am gonna throw up. [Gagging] [Bob suddenly wakes up] Bob: What's wrong, sugar? Audrey: Ohh! Bob: Ohh! What is that? Audrey: It's you, you freak! Bob: Oh. I'm sorry. My... my ass was relaxed while I was sleeping. [he farts again] Joey: Ohh! Ohhh! That is so disgusting! Audrey: Bob! I can't believe that I slept with you! Bob: I can't believe it, either, you know. Look, I've been wantin' to talk to you about somethin', ok? You know, when you're done with your whole little, uh, rehab thing, if you're, uh, in the market for a new addiction, I know this drug called b-o-b. [Chuckles] Bob: But I'm, you know, I'm sayin' I want to make us work, is what I'm sayin'. Audrey: All right, well we'll see about it, buddy. Bob: That's cool. That's really cool. Audrey: You know, we're gonna have to do something about the s*x thing, Bob: What are you talking about? U--you told her I was an outstanding lay. Audrey: Ehh...it was a little brief. Don't you think? Bob: Well...you know... you--you--you-- you set one pace. You know, I was givin' it nice and slow, and then you went all hellcat on me. I can't-- I can't do that. Audrey: Oh! So it's my fault! Bob: Well, you're just-- you're just too good. That's what it is. [Scene: The movie set. Dawson is setting up a shot through the view finder of the camera., and then looks over some notes. He is about to make a phone call when the female executive that suggested him for the job walks up.] Executive: Dawson! How are you? Dawson: I'm great. Executive: Don't lie to me. Dawson: Excuse me? Executive: Don't lie to me. You're behind, the dailies are weak, was supposed to be 3 days of reshoots, now looks like 5. You have a meltdown on your hands here, Dawson. How you deal with this will define your career. Other than that, keep up the good work, sweetie pie. [She leaves him alone, and he grabs his phone and begins dialing.] Dawson: Todd Carr, please. It's Dawson. Leery. Leery. I trained you, remember? Well, can you try him on his cell phone? Please? [Sighs] All right, just leave word then. [He hangs up and Natasha who heard him on the phone walks over to join him.] Natasha: Not so easy, is it? Dawson: What do you mean? Natasha: Well, obviously you were hoping that Todd would just swoop in and save you. Dawson: Listen, Natasha, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot yesterday. What can I do to make today a more pleasant experience? Natasha: Well, in lieu of finding me a real director to work with, I'd settle for you trying to explain the scene to me. Dawson: What do you wanna know? Natasha: Well, for starters, you've given Claire this enormous speech that seems to be a whole lot of exposition. Dawson: 'Cause it is exposition. We need to explain all the stuff we cut out. Natasha: Oh. Well, that's all well and good, Dawson, but I think... all that you're shooting for here can be accomplished in a simple look. Dawson: A look? Natasha: Between Claire and the killer. Dawson: A look? Natasha: Are you retarded, Dawson, 'cause you seem a little retarded right now? Dawson: No. I just don't think that's gonna work. Natasha: Well, you better get used to the idea because I'm not saying any of this. [She storms off and Frank has walked up behind them and is looking through the view finder of the camera, at the shot that Dawson has set up.] Frank: So that's your shot? Dawson: Yeah. What do you think? [he laughs and walks away, while another older assistant looks at him weird and then back at Dawson who sighs and shakes his head. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Gas Station. Joey and Eddie some out of the gas station. Eddie is carrying a bag and a tray full of coffees and Audrey is standing on the hood of the jeep as they walk up to it.] Eddie: Hey, you think maybe you could get off there? Audrey: Why? Eddie: Because it's dangerous. Not to mention, completely disrespectful. Audrey: What are you talking about? This car's a piece of crap. Eddie: I'm sure it pales in comparison to whatever trendy little BMW you have waiting for you back in 90210-land, but this is all I have. Audrey: Well, then I guess it sucks to be you, huh? Eddie: It's wrong to hit girls, right? Joey: Sadly, yes. Eddie: That's what I thought. Just checking. Audrey: Hey, you know, Eddie. I bet you're gonna look really hot pumping gas. Maybe that should be your next career move. Joey: Audrey, you're not funny. [She hops down and walks towards the passenger side of the jeep] Audrey: I am many things, Joey Potter, but not funny is not one of them. Joey: You should really lay off of him. I know you can't see it right now, but he's actually doing you a huge favor. Audrey: You know, since when are you in such a rush to defend blue collar Robby? And didn't he basically just reveal himself as a major league scum sucker with his little disappearing act? He bailed on you. Not exactly behavior becoming the world's best boyfriend now, is it? [Eddie sets the coffee and bag on the top of the car, while Joey is putting her cell phone back into her coat pocket] Audrey: Who were you just talking to? Joey: When? Audrey: Just now on your cell. Joey: Oh. I was just checking my messages. Audrey: Oh. Well, can I use it because I gotta make a call? Joey: Sure. [Audrey grabs her phone and hits the button to get the last number dialed] Audrey: Well, pants on fire, Joey. Joey: What? Audrey: You were talking to my mom. Joey: She's worried about you, Audrey. Audrey: I'm not going to rehab, ok? I already told you that. And if she's so worried about me, then where the hell is she? I mean did she fly out here when she heard that I was in trouble? No. She put me on a plane. And you wanna know something? You're no better. Joey: What? Audrey: This little road trip idea of yours, it certainly makes for a handy-dandy excuse to spend some quality time with your working class hero, now, doesn't it, Joey? Joey: You know what? You're very wrong about that. Audrey: I don't think so. You--why don't you just have the guts to tell me the truth? Stop wrapping it up in noble intentions because this isn't about me...clearly. It's about him. [Audrey opens the car door] Bob: Hey, don't break the seal. Don't break the seal! [Audrey gets into the jeep, while Joey goes over to Eddie who is still filling up the gas tank] Joey: I'm sorry. Audrey's a mess. I'm... starting to think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Eddie: Well, don't worry about it. Besides, it's a hell of a lot more interesting than going alone. [Engine starts] Eddie: Yo! [Audrey and bob drive off in the jeep, ripping the gas hose off the tank as they drive off. Joey and Eddie just stand there in shock] [Scene: The Help Center. Jen and CJ are sitting at their desks waiting for calls, but they are not getting any. CJ is reading a book to pass the time, but Jen is obviously bored.] Jen: What is wrong? CJ: Nothing. What do you mean? Jen: The phone's aren't ringing. It's freaking me out. CJ: Why? Can't you enjoy the peace and quiet for a change? Jen: Maybe my Grams will call. CJ: How is she? Jen: I found her this morning staring at the phone, listening to Lionel Ritchie, just waiting for the phone to ring. It's breaking my heart. CJ: I know the drill. My, uh, uncle Bill, his wife died about a year ago, he was devastated. I mean, they were just like Ozzy and Sharon. Jen: Is he seeing anyone? CJ: No. No. He just discovered the internet. So the multitude of porno choices takes up most of his time. Jen: Hah. Sure. We should set them up. CJ: Hah. Yeah, right. Jen: You laugh. I'm serious. CJ: Yeah. I laugh. 'Cause my uncle Bill, he's, uh... he's not like most people. Jen: So, neither is my Grams. She's a freak. She's a thoroughly lovable freak, but she's a freak, nonetheless. Oh, come on, it'll be fun. I call my Grams, you talk to your uncle Will. CJ: Bill. Jen: Bill. [Scene: The side of a road. Eddie and Joey are walking down the road, and Eddie is trying to hitchhike a ride. While Joey walks slowly behind him. Eddie: Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [the car drives by without slowing down] Eddie: Thank you. You know, maybe you should try this. Joey: I'm not gonna shake my ass just to get a ride. Eddie: I didn't say you had to, but if you felt it was important to the task, well, that would be ok, too. [another car approaches] Eddie: Hey! [Whistles] [yet again the car does not stop] Joey: How can you joke at a time like this? Eddie: What do you expect? What are we gonna do? I mean, this is ridiculous. You try to help someone, your car gets stolen, and you're stuck on the side of the road with someone who hates you. Joey: I don't hate you, Eddie, ok? It's just this wasn't the plan. I mean, we're supposed to be over, you and me, done. Kaput. Eddie: Ah, I see, so you're saying it's not over. Joey: I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about Audrey. Eddie: Fine. Let's talk about Audrey. Joey: I can't figure out how to help her. I mean, I keep trying all different angles, but nothing seems to work. Eddie: You can't help her, Jo. That girl doesn't want anyone's help. Joey: You're probably right. I'm just having a hard time letting her go. I mean, you know, believe it or not, she wasn't this psycho. I mean, yeah, she's always been psycho, but in a good way. Eddie: Well, you're a good friend. I mean, that's why you're here. That's what friends do for each other, right? Joey: What are you getting out of it? Eddie: Isn't that obvious? I get to spend some time with you. Joey: I don't know about the whole friend thing. Maybe Audrey's right. Eddie: What do you mean? Joey: Well, she thinks that... this road trip isn't about her at all. It's really about me. Eddie: Ok. How does that work? Joey: Because I'm having trouble letting you go, too. Eddie: Jo Joey: Which I know--it's, it's stupid and really sad, actually, because you've made it painfully clear how you feel about me. And yet, I'm just prolonging the inevitable, glutton for punishment. Eddie: Well... I guess I haven't made it clear how I feel about you. This is probably gonna sound, gonna sound cheesy, but... I've never cared about anyone the way I care about you. But it's too late. I screwed up. But the way I feel about you? I love you, Joey. Joey: You're right. It did sound cheesy. 'Cause you know what, Eddie? I can't for the life of me figure out how loving somebody translates into leaving them behind. [Scene: The movie set. Dawson walks over to a trashcan and leans over it, almost like he is ready to get sick. Natasha was sitting near by smoking a cigarette and Dawson didn't even see her.] Dawson: [Exhales] Natasha: What, are you getting sick or something? Dawson: [Sighs] You don't even care, Natasha, so don't bother asking. Natasha: Well, I never wanted you to puke your guts out over all this. Dawson: Well, I guess that's what happens when you watch your entire life's ambition disappear in front of your eyes. Natasha: Look, you've directed before, right? Dawson: Yeah, but it didn't bear the slightest resemblance to this experience. Natasha: Exactly. You're not back home making some silly little movie with your silly little friends. This is a whole different world with its own code of conduct. Here, you are not entitled to anyone's respect or admiration. You have to earn it. Hey, you are guilty until proven competent. You walk around like a deer in the headlights, you will get run down. Simple as that. And this whole puking thing, it's... it's unacceptable. Ok? If someone asks, say you have the flu or something. Dawson: Thanks. Natasha: Yeah, well... don't thank me. Just get your act together. [Scene: A fancy restaurant. Jen, CJ, Grams and Bill are all sitting down at a table together getting ready to eat.] Bill: So... Evelyn, what is it A... beautiful woman like yourself does for fun? Grams: Well... every so often, I do like to go to Las Vegas... and gamble. Bill: Outstanding. I love Vegas. Grams: Hmm. It's delightful, isn't it? You know, every month or so, my church group plans a trip. Bill: Ohh. Grams: What? Bill: Nothing. It's--it's just... don't tell me you're one of those religious broads. Grams: Well, I, uh, I certainly would describe myself as religious, yes, but I would appreciate it if you would not refer to me as a broad. Bill: Why not? Grams: It's demeaning to women. Bill: Oh, no, it's not. I called my wife a broad at least twice a day for 42 years. Grams: How lovely for her. [Jen sees this as her time to try and break the tension in the air.] Jen: So anyone seen any good movies? Bill: Holy Moses! CJ: What? Bill: I think there's a pubic hair in my soup. Take a look at this. Does that look like a pubic hair to you? CJ: Uncle bill, just, uh... Bill: Ok, maybe it's not one, but it's definitely some kind of hair. Antisocial perverts. Grams: [Muttering] Disgusting. Bill: All right, lady, what's your problem? Grams: Excuse me? Bill: Well, you're a real downer. I mean, you're sitting here, staring into your soup, and every once in a while, you mumble some derisive comment, when you should be going to see your doctor. Grams: What are you talking about? Why should I go see my doctor? Bill: So he can remove that polar icecap you got wedged up your butt. Grams: Oh... [Grams leans her head down] Jen: Grams? [Jen thinks Grams is crying, but in actuality she is laughing and it become obvious when she breaks out laughing and everyone follows suit.] [Scene: The movie set. Dawson comes walking out to the set that they are getting ready to shoot on, and sees Frank sitting behind the camera looking at the shot, and then he notices that the whole set has been changed around. He looks around at everyone, seeing everyone looking at him including the female executive from earlier. Dawson walks over and waves his hand in front of the cameral lens to get Frank's attention. Frank has taken it upon him self to take control.] Dawson: Hey. Frank: What do you need, kid? Dawson: This isn't the shot we talked about. I know. Frank: The shot we talked about was lame. This one kicks ass. [Camera assistant laughs] Frank: Hey, just move. [Dawson sees the assistant that was there earlier and looked weird at Franks first outburst at Dawson] Dawson: Can I ask you something? Could you D.P. This shoot? Man: What? Dawson: Could you D.P. This shoot? Man: Well, in theory, yeah. Dawson: Excellent. Frank! Frank: Yeah? Dawson: You're fired. Frank: What? Dawson: You heard me. You're fired. Frank: You're kidding me, right? [The camera assistant laughs again] Dawson: You're next. Anyone else want to get fired? Huh? Anyone? All right, we're starting over. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dawson Leery, and I'm the director here. If anyone has a problem with that, get the hell off my set and stop wasting my time. Natasha, this is the script. Familiarize yourself with it because unless you want to keep all these good people away from their families, you're gonna say every single word that's on those pages, and I could care less whether you agree with them or not. Are we clear? Good. All right, people, let's move! 'Cause I will fire you, and I will humiliate you, and I will do it well because I learned from the master. [He goes and emphatically sits in the directors chair, and the Executive walks over to him.] Executive: You have no idea how close you were to getting fired. [Scene: A bar at the side of the road. Audrey is on stage singing Karaoke and Bob is passed out at one of the tables near by] Audrey: ...A time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark there's nothin' I can do a total eclipse of my heart [Cheering and applause] [she walks down over to Bob, and sees that her beer is empty.] Audrey: Oh, Bob, we hardly knew ye. [she walks over to the bar to get another. And a guys sitting there is staring at her.] Audrey: Hey, can I get another one, please? Man: That was tasty, baby. Audrey: Well, thank you. That is a very tasty haircut you got there, if you don't mind me saying. Man: Yeah. Chicks dig the hair. Where you from? Audrey: Not really from these parts. Man: Cool. Hey, uh, you wanna check out my ride? Audrey: Ok. But I just want you to know, I'm only going 'cause I think that my boyfriend over there is gonna get a kick out of the story later. Man: Kinky. [they go outside and see he monster truck outside] Audrey: Well, this is one hell of a pick-up truck you got there, chief. And kudos to you, man, for not skimping on the monster truck tires. Rock on, dude. [she turns to walk back inside, but he stops her] Man: Hey, hey, hey, where you goin'? Why don't you climb on in, check out the stereo? I got the new Metallica. Audrey: Well, that is a tempting offer, but I should really go check on my boyfriend. [she turns to leave again and he grabs her arm.] Man: Aw, come on, huh? Let the poor guy sleep. Audrey: No, I don't think so. Man: Just give me one little kiss, huh? Just a little kiss? Audrey: You know, you're really a charmer, really, but, actually, I just-- I can't. Because, actually, I'm a really bad kisser. You know? The worst. Like, I'm in all the books. Man: The way you were shaking your money-maker up there on stage, I could give a damn how you kiss. Audrey: Ok, now you're just getting rude. Man: Hey, all I care about is getting naked with you. Not so fast. [she tries to pull away, but he doesn't let go. She kicks him in the groin and he falls to the ground and she continues to kick him while he is down on the ground. At the same time Joey and Eddie come walking up to the bar and see Audrey kicking the guy.] Joey: Is that Audrey? Eddie: God! [they run over to her.] Audrey: What do you think gives you the right to do this to me?! [Eddie pulls Audrey off of the guy ] Eddie: That enough now. Joey: Audrey! Audrey! Audrey: [Sobbing] I'm so sorry, Joey. [Joey pulls Audrey to her] Joey: Ok. It's ok. Don't worry. Audrey: I think I'm ready to go to rehab. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the Lindley house. Jen, Grams, CJ and Bill are walking up to the house after their dinner together.] Bill: Want a vampire, Evelyn, I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to call it a night. Grams: Well... would you be taking a walk with an old fool? Bill: Surely, I'd love to. [Grams and Bill walk off together.] Jen: Wow. CJ: I don't know what to say. Jen: Maybe I didn't have such a half-bad idea after all, hmm? CJ: Yeah, I gotta hand it to you, Jen Lindley. You're a genius. Jen: Mmm. CJ: No, seriously, I haven't seen that old man have so much fun in years. Jen: Ah, if only I were such a genius in the rest of my life. CJ: What does that mean? Jen: As I'm sure you're already only painfully aware, I'm not half as good at figuring out my own love life. CJ: Aw, come on, you don't do that bad. Jen: The last boy I liked slept with my friend. CJ: You know, the one thing I can say about that is that if I knew you then the way that I do now, that wouldn't have happened. Jen: How come? CJ: Because I couldn't bear the thought of hurting somebody so amazing. Jen: You think I'm amazing? CJ: Pretty much. [He tries to kiss her, but she pulls away] CJ: Yeah. I deserve that. I do. It's, uh... [Jen smiles] Jen: I was just kidding. [She kisses him and they continue kissing as the camera pulls away.] [Scene: The movie set. They have just finished shooting their scene, and Dawson stands up from his director's chair.] Dawson: And cut! Check the gate. Everyone, thank you for a great day! That's a wrap! [He sits back down in the director's chair as everyone begins to disperse. Natasha walks up behind him and begins massaging his shoulders.] Dawson: Mmm. Sorry I had to yell at you. Natasha: Don't be sorry. Kinda turned me on, actually. So, you want to go get a drink or something? [Scene: Outside Audrey's House. They finally pull up in the jeep, and come to a stop. They all stare at the house for a second] Joey: Audrey, I had no idea. Audrey: Yeah. Kinda tacky, I know. The one in Malibu's much nicer. [They begins to get out of the car, and Eddie begins taking her bags out.] Audrey: Ooh. Ok, so, listen, I would give you a tip, but I only have hundreds, so... ok, I was kidding that time. Eddie: What, as opposed to the 450 other times? Audrey: Well, then I was just being a bitch. I'm sorry about that, by the way. This hasn't exactly been the best year for new people to get to know me. Eddie: Yeah, well, once you get past the obnoxiousness and the petty bitchery, you're not so bad, you know? You're kinda funny, Audrey. Audrey: Well, you're not so bad yourself, Eddie Doling. Eddie: That's not what your friend over there thinks. Audrey: You kidding? Of course she does. Why do you think this is so hard for her? She might not want to give you the satisfaction of knowing this, but you're gonna go down in the books as one of the great loves of Joey Potter's life, which, trust me, doesn't suck. Eddie: No. It most certainly does not. [Joey looks up at the house and then back to Audrey as Audrey comes walking over to her.] Joey: Do you want me to come in with you? Audrey: No. I should face the firing squad by myself. So...listen. I would say thank you and I'm sorry and all that, but I've said it before, and I don't want to insult you with empty words, so I'm just gonna try and get this thing under control. You know? It's gonna be hard because first I gotta figure out why I'm so friggin' unhappy. Joey: Come here. [They hug] When you do, you know, please remember how everyone in bean town loves you to death. Audrey: [Laughs] Joey: What? Audrey: Nothing. I mean, it's just... you know, who would've thought that the skinny, uptight prude I met at the beginning of my freshman year would be my best friend in the whole world? Now, as for you, young lady... Joey: Yeah? Audrey: It's time, you know. Joey, you have to let him go. Come here. [They hug and Eddie comes walking over to them] Eddie: Ok, we staying or going? 'Cause I got an appointment at that school. Audrey: No, you're going, all of you. [Audrey turns to try and wake up Bob who is asleep in the back seat of the car.] Audrey: Bob. [Pounds on roof of car] Bob: Are we there yet? Audrey: Uh, yes, bob, we're here. Joey: What are we gonna do about him? Audrey: I don't know. [suddenly Audrey has a big idea] Ohh! Wait, I have an idea. Come on, bob, you got some work to do. You and I stopped in Vegas, we got married. Bob: We did? Audrey: No, but that's what we're gonna tell my parents. It'll freak 'em out, take their mind off the other thing. Bob: Can we have s*x again? Audrey: No. Bob: What kind of honeymoon is that? I need to work on my hang time, sugar. Audrey: Ok, maybe. I'm not promising anything. Joey: Good luck. Audrey: Thanks. Eddie: Bye, guys. [Scene: Dawson's Place. Dawson comes walking into the bedroom after taking a shower, and sees Natasha packing her bag.] Dawson: Hey. You outta here? Natasha: Yeah, I have an audition. Dawson: All right. Good luck... or whatever. Natasha: Thanks. The last couple of days have been great, Dawson, but I have auditions and meetings coming up, and... Dawson: Don't worry about it. Natasha: Well, maybe in a couple of weeks when things are less crazy, we can Dawson: Natasha, it's ok. Natasha: Really? Dawson: Yeah. Let's not be those people who make false promises to each other when they both know the truth. Natasha: Which is what? Dawson: That you were right all along. This is about s*x, which is not the worst thing in the world. I just wasn't used to it. Every relationship I've ever had, I've taken so damn seriously, I think I just forgot how to have fun. Natasha: Well, I'm glad I came along to remind you. Dawson: Me, too. Natasha: We will meet again, you know? Dawson: Oh, yeah? Natasha: Yeah. You'll be directing some big movie and be kind enough to throw me a bone and cast me, then we'll have another fabulous whirlwind romance, which will totally screw up both of our marriages, but it'll be totally worth it. Dawson: That sounds about right, except the part about me directing a big movie one day. Natasha: You'll get there, Dawson. I have a feeling out you. Which makes me wonder if I was wrong about us. Because the other day, watching you take control of the movie, I don't think I've ever been so proud of anyone in my life. Then again, I could have just been turned on by your vulgar display of authority. It's been lovely. Thank you. Dawson: My pleasure. Natasha: Oh, and just so you know, there will be other actresses. But I s the first, and don't you forget it. Dawson: Oh, won't. I promise. [Scene: The beach outside of the California School Campus. Joey and Eddie are walking along the walkway hand in hand, while admiring the beautiful scenery.] Joey: So what do you think? Eddie: It's beautiful. It's amazing. It's... it's freaking me out. Joey: Why? Eddie: You gotta understand, Jo, I mean, this is a world so far removed from anything that I know, that I can't even-- I can't even process it. Joey: That doesn't mean that you don't belong here. Eddie: Right, so I guess I should just ignore the urge to get back in the car and drive to Boston? Joey: Yes. Eddie: Yes? Joey: Yes. As much as I really want you to do just that. You're gonna be great, Eddie. I mean, a whole new world is about to open up for you. And if that doesn't work, you can always go back to pretending you're a student. Eddie: You know, I was thinking about what you said, about how hard it is to say good-bye, and I was thinking, well, maybe we shouldn't... say good-bye. Joey: How do we do that? Eddie: We make a plan to meet somewhere. Joey: When? Eddie: Um, I don't know. Say, what, a year from now? Joey: You know, a lot can happen in a year. You're probably gonna meet some willowy blonde poet chick, and before you know it, Joey Potter will just be some drama queen you knew when. Eddie: No, not gonna happen. Joey: No? Eddie: No Joey: So where we gonna meet? Eddie: What about Paris, huh? I mean, you've never been to Paris, right? Joey: No. Eddie: Well, we need to do something about that. Paris shouldn't be something you could have done once upon a time. Joey: It's a very nice daydream. Eddie: You know, it doesn't have be. Joey: Well, Mr. Doling, if, um... if something happens and we don't make it to Paris... I want you to know I'm not gonna forget you. You might just be the sweetest, nicest surprise that's ever happened to me. I guess that's my way of saying... I love you, too. If you don't mind, I'm gonna keep on loving you for as long as I can. [They hug for a very long time and then kiss one another very passionately for a very long time. The Cameras fade from one shot to another as they continue to kiss in one another's embrace as the day goes on and it begins getting darker, until the camera finally pulls away from them, and fades to black.]
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