The real face of Weng-Chiang is revealed as the Doctor, Leela, Jago and Litefoot face their final battle, against both Magnus Greel and a trigger-happy Mr Sin.
THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part Six Running time: 23:26 [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: We must trap them in the crossfire, Doctor. Somewhere in the cover where they cannot find cover. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What sort of crossfire? Hazelnuts? Bread pellets? LEELA: In a house this size there must be protection. The professor will have weapons in fixed positions to guard the approaches. DOCTOR: I brought you to the wrong time, my girl. You'd have loved Agincourt. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There's a Boot Court near the river, less than a mile from here, look. DOCTOR: Oh, you let yourself in. That's good. We were expecting you. WENG: No, Doctor, it was we who were expecting you. DOCTOR: Life's full of little surprises. What have you done to her? WENG: Nothing, yet. DOCTOR: Take my advice. Don't. WENG: Your advice? Oh, Doctor, you are an unusual man, but in opposing me you have gone far out of your depth. You have taken something from me. I want it back. DOCTOR: Now I wonder what that could be? I'm always borrowing things from people and then forgetting where I've put them. DOCTOR: It's a terrible habit. WENG: I have never appreciated frivolity. It was in that bag. It is not there now. Give it to me! DOCTOR: What, one of these? WENG: The time key, Doctor! DOCTOR: Oh, the time key. Now heavens to Betsy, where did I last see that? WENG: I'll give you three seconds, Doctor, and then Mister Sin will kill the girl. One, two, three, kill her! WENG: Stop! DOCTOR: Is this what you want? The trionic lattice? WENG: Give it to me! DOCTOR: Careful, careful. I might have dropped it. WENG: I'll kill you! DOCTOR: Crystalline. Probably break into a thousand pieces. WENG: You arrogant jackanapes! DOCTOR: When I'm crowded I get nervous. Call your dogs off. WENG: Back, back. DOCTOR: That's better. WENG: Give me that key and I will spare her life. DOCTOR: Never trust a man with dirty fingernails. WENG: You can trust me to kill her if you do not immediately put it down! Now obey me at once! DOCTOR: I tell you what, I'll make a bargain with you. You can have the trionic lattice when we get to the House of the Dragon. WENG: What trickery is this? DOCTOR: No trickery. You're holding two others of my friends. WENG: What of them? DOCTOR: I want them released. WENG: Two blundering dolts? Why? DOCTOR: I doubt if you could understand that, but that's the condition. WENG: Very well. They're nothing to me. DOCTOR: Good. Right. Then you and your chaps can lead the way and I'll follow. WENG: Bring the girl. DOCTOR: No! The girl stays. WENG: You would be wise not to press me too far. DOCTOR: Just lead on. WENG: Come! [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: What's the matter? LITEFOOT: I heard something. JAGO: What sort of thing? LITEFOOT: People. Quite a group just went by. JAGO: More Wongs for the Tong, I suppose. Do you realise we've been here over an hour? LITEFOOT: It'll be dawn soon. JAGO: What does that signify? LITEFOOT: I'm not aware that it signifies anything. It's just a remark. JAGO: I thought perhaps they might do things at dawn. LITEFOOT: Do things? What sort of things? JAGO: Well, you know, sacrifice their victims. LITEFOOT: You're thinking of the Druids, aren't you? I'm not aware the Chinese make a ceremony of it. JAGO: Oh, good. I don't think I could stomach that. It's been worrying me somewhat. LITEFOOT: Best not to think about it. JAGO: I can't help it. Beastly heathens. That's my trouble, Litefoot. LITEFOOT: What? JAGO: Well, I'm not awfully. Well, I'm not so bally brave when it comes to it. I try to be but I'm not. LITEFOOT: When it comes to it, I don't suppose anybody is. JAGO: Well, I thought I ought to tell you anyway, in case I let the side down. LITEFOOT: You won't, Henry. I know you won't. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: Fetch the prisoners here. DOCTOR: Very impressive. I'll have the Bird's Nest Soup. WENG: What? DOCTOR: Well, isn't this where you do the cooking? WENG: How can you understand the functions of a catalytic extraction chamber, Doctor? Part of a technology far beyond your time. DOCTOR: Simple old-fashioned cannibalism. That machine just saves you having to chew the grisly bits. WENG: Much more than that. The secret of life. DOCTOR: Bunkum. Your so-called technology is the twisted lunacy of a scientific dark age. WENG: What do you know of my time? DOCTOR: Everything. Where is it? WENG: What? DOCTOR: Your pig-faced, pig-brained Peking Homunculus. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG (OOV.): You know of that? How? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I was with the Filipino army at the final advance on Reykjavik. WENG: How can you in the nineteenth century know anything of the fifty first? You lie! DOCTOR: Listen. What's your name? What were you called before you became a Chinese god? WENG: I am Magnus Greel! DOCTOR: Oh, yes, the infamous Minister of Justice. The Butcher of Brisbane. DOCTOR: Checkmate. WENG: It is impossible for you to know these things! DOCTOR: I know you're a wanted criminal and that a hundred thousand deaths can be laid at your door. WENG: Enemies of the state! They were used in the advancements of science. DOCTOR: They were slaughtered in your filthy machine. WENG: So, you are from the future, and I, for all my achievements, are only remembered as a war criminal. Of course, it is the winning side that writes history, Doctor. Remember, you would not be here if it were not for my work. DOCTOR: Your work? WENG: Yes! I made this possible. I found the resources, the scientists DOCTOR: The zigma experiments came to nothing. They were a failure. Nothing came of them. WENG: No! No, they were a success! Why, I used them to escape from my enemies. The first man to travel through time. DOCTOR: Hmm. Look what it did to you. WENG: A temporal distortion of my metabolism. It can be readjusted. LITEFOOT: Doctor! DOCTOR: Good morning, gentlemen. JAGO: By jingo, what did I tell you? The game's up, my friend. We have the place surrounded. DOCTOR: No, Jago, Jago, Jago. We don't have the place surrounded. We just have an understanding. JAGO: Understanding? DOCTOR: Yes. WENG: I have kept my word, Doctor. Now give me the key. DOCTOR: Only when they're well clear of this place. Off you go now. Hurry. LITEFOOT: Doctor, there are two others here. Two wretched girls. DOCTOR: Then take them with you. WENG: Your demands are becoming too great! WENG: Enough! I want him alive. DOCTOR: Beware the Eye of the Dragon. LITEFOOT: Doctor, are you hurt? WENG: Take them out. Get these stinking heaps of rubbish out of here! WENG: Perfect. Perfect. After all these years the function is unimpaired. WENG: Everything exactly as it was. The parallax synchrons fully charged, the strata tube set at maximum. He was wrong! Wrong! The zigma experiment was a success! [SCENE_BREAK] LITEFOOT: Curious. Double heartbeat. Otherwise everything seems in order. JAGO: If only we knew what that fiendish device was that struck him down. From behind, mark you. LITEFOOT: Shush. I think he's trying to say something. DOCTOR: There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Katmandu. There's a little marble cross below the town. LITEFOOT: Kipling? DOCTOR: Harry Champion, 1920. LITEFOOT: Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: Greel's got the key! LITEFOOT: Greel? DOCTOR: How long have I been unconscious? LITEFOOT: Only a few minutes. DOCTOR: The broth of oblivion. JAGO: What's that? DOCTOR: Chinese soup. He'll be coming for them soon. LITEFOOT: Well, surely there must be something we can do for them? DOCTOR: There's always something we can do. Get them over there against the wall. Come on. JAGO: They're armed to the teeth, those Wong fellows. Knives, guns, everything. LITEFOOT: Jago's right. Empty handed we can do nothing. DOCTOR: Excellent. This is good strong linen. It should do fine. Well, don't just stand there wasting time. Get me a bucket of water and break off that gas pipe. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: Almost ready. Yes, time to prepare my two partridges. Why don't you come down from there? Sulking because I wouldn't let you kill the Doctor, is that it? WENG: Oh, you can kill him soon enough, Sin, but first I must drain every scintilla of his knowledge about the zigma experiment. You can kill him then, and as many more as you wish before we leave. All I need is to re-establish my protenoid balance. WENG: Then I can enter the zigma beam for the second time. Only this time, there must be no mistake in the programme DNA levels. Now for my two partridges. LEELA: Die, bent face! WENG: No, spare me, please! LEELA: Spawn of evil. Now I destroy you! WENG: The second time! The second attempt on my life by this she-devil! Hold her still! No. No, I have a better fate for you. She will be the first morsel to feed my regeneration. LEELA: Kill me any way you wish. Unlike you, I am not afraid to die. WENG: We shall see. Bring the tigress here. WENG: At my camps, the extraction process was considered the most painful of all. They pleaded for anything but this. LEELA: I shall not plead, but I promise you this. When we are both in the great hereafter, I shall hunt you down, Bent Face, and put you through my agony a thousand times! WENG: Silence the spitfire! WENG: Now bring the other two hags here. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: It's leaking. I can smell it. LITEFOOT: There's bound to be some escape. DOCTOR: Not enough to worry about. JAGO: I'm not worried, Doctor. I haven't been worried since you turned up. It's just that I'd hate to be gassed before seeing if this stunt works. DOCTOR: Well, Greel won't keep us waiting long. He needs his proteinoids. LITEFOOT: His what? DOCTOR: He's dying, you see. He's desperate. His body's fading away fast. He's trying to cheat death by substituting certain materials. Do you understand? LITEFOOT: I think so. The principle, anyway. DOCTOR: The principle's false, anyhow. All he achieves is a postponement of the inevitable. JAGO: Shush. DOCTOR: Lucifers, Professor. Quick, get over there. Now listen, if we do manage to get out of here, don't stop running till you're a mile from this place. JAGO: Up troops and at 'em, eh, Professor? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, come on. DOCTOR: This way. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: Whatever it was, there can be no escape for you. Let the talons of Weng-Chiang shred your flesh! DOCTOR: Greel! WENG: Kill, Sin! Kill them! DOCTOR: Come on, quick. Get down! Get down! LEELA: I owe you my life, Doctor. Thank you. JAGO: Time to thank him when we're out of this. WENG: Doctor, I offer you a proposition. DOCTOR: Not now, Greel, we're busy. WENG: I will spare your lives, you and your friends, if you leave now. DOCTOR: Well, that's very magnanimous of you, Magnus. WENG: Then get up and leave. DOCTOR: What, with your trigger-happy little friend out there? No thanks. WENG: I am offering you your lives, you fools! DOCTOR: (quietly) We'd be cut down before we reached the door. LEELA: (quietly) I think so, too. He has no truth in him. DOCTOR: (quietly) Let's see. DOCTOR: Ah. We're staying put, Magnus. WENG: Then you'll die here, all of you. DOCTOR: Well, you might die first, Magnus. You don't sound too well, and your food supply's half way to Blackheath by now. WENG: Sin, crack that bench away. LITEFOOT: If I only had a gun, Doctor. JAGO: Or a catapult. I was a dab hand with a catapult when I was a nipper. LITEFOOT: What is that weapon? DOCTOR: It's a laser beam. JAGO: It's a death ray. LEELA: (quietly) Doctor, they're diminishing our cover. DOCTOR: (quietly) Push it over. WENG: Hurry, Sin! There is little time left to me. WENG: No, Sin! You fool, stop! Stop! Obey me, Sin. Obey Greel, your master, I command you. JAGO: Jiminy, I felt the heat of that one. JAGO: No chance, my dear. LEELA: He cannot fire at two objects at once. JAGO: You mean one of us creates a distraction while you go for the gun? LEELA: That's right. Me because I'm quicker. LITEFOOT: Another minute or so and we're done. JAGO: I say, I say, I say! JAGO: A funny thing happened to me. Has she got the gun? LITEFOOT: Hey! Who are you shooting at? LEELA: Well, I've never fired one of these before. LITEFOOT: Got them rattled, anyway. DOCTOR: It's no good, Greel. You're finished. WENG: I can escape you, Doctor, as I escaped my enemies before. DOCTOR: Greel, listen. If you activate the zigma beam, it'll be certain death for all of us. WENG: Lies, Doctor. DOCTOR: Listen, Greel! Greel, listen! The zigma beam is at full stretch. If you trigger it again, it'll mean certain collapse. You know what that means? WENG: You can't fool me. DOCTOR: There'll be a huge implosion, Greel, and you'll be at the centre of it. The zigma experiments were a disaster! WENG: No, no, the zigma experiment was a success! A brilliant, total success! WENG: Sin, Sin, what are you doing? WENG: I order you to. No, no, not me. This is mutiny, Sin. LEELA: Is Bent Face dead? LITEFOOT: Why do you call him Bent Face? LEELA: Because it is. No, don't. LITEFOOT: Why not? DOCTOR: Cellular collapse. LITEFOOT: In all my years as a pathologist, I've never seen anything like it. DOCTOR: Well, let's hope you never see anything like it again, Professor. JAGO: But where was he from? Where did he go? DOCTOR: He was a foe from the future, Henry. Look out, Leela! JAGO: What's that? DOCTOR: It's his fuse, Henry. LEELA: What are you doing, Doctor? DOCTOR: I'm bringing the zigma experiment to an end. CRIER (OOV.): Muffins! Get your hot muffins! DOCTOR: Listen. CRIER (OOV.): Hot muffins! DOCTOR: It's the muffin man. Come on, I'll buy you some muffins. [SCENE_BREAK] LITEFOOT: And then, for example, I would say 'one lump or two, Miss Leela'. To which you would reply, 'one will suffice, thank you'. Now, do you follow? LEELA: Supposing I want two? LITEFOOT: Oh, no, no, no, no. One lump for ladies. LEELA: Then why do you ask me? DOCTOR: Come along, Leela. LEELA: Professor Litefoot has been explaining to me about tea. DOCTOR: Really? LEELA: It's very complicated. DOCTOR: No, it's not complicated at all. All you. Look, I haven't got time to stand here discussing tea. Goodbye, Litefoot. LITEFOOT: Goodbye, Doctor. DOCTOR: It's been such fun. Henry. DOCTOR (OOV.): Yes, the important thing is just warming the pot. LEELA (OOV.): What pot? DOCTOR (OOV.): The tea pot. LITEFOOT: What exactly is that contraption? JAGO: Well, it's his personal transport. Look, Police. LITEFOOT: Extraordinary. JAGO: No doubt Scotland Yard provided it for him. LITEFOOT: I don't believe it! JAGO: I've said it before and I'll say it again. Our policemen are wonderful. LITEFOOT: But it's impossible, Henry. Quite impossible. JAGO: Good trick, eh? I venture the great Li H'sen Chang himself would have appreciated that.
The Talons of Weng-Chiang - part 6