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Changing Indian Society and Marriage.

After being appalled by continuous marriage consultations, where either I am finding horror stories after marriage or people are unable to accept that they are supposed to delay their marriage, I thought about writing this article where I will try my best to give reasons why a social mindset needs to change in India regarding marriage. Please read through this article against the backdrop of thought that Divorce is still a stigma in our society, especially for a girl. Many people may find this article in support of Brides but let’s accept that our social setup is completely against Girl, right from Birth to Marriage and when relations break it is the girl who has to pay bigger price in society. 

Let’s break this article in following points – 

1. Right Age of Marriage. 

2. Caste/Religion Issue. 

3. Difference of Social Setup in 20th Century and 21st Century.
4. Expectations from a Girl. 

5. Benefits of Delayed Marriage.

Let’s take it one after the other – 

1. Right Age of Marriage – Recently, when news came of Actress Suhasini Mulay’s wedding at the age of 61 years, I read a very nice line in that news article, i.e. “There is no right age for marriage. There is only right time of marriage”. Believe it or not, this is the main reason behind 90% of divorces/breakups in India. People are getting into relation when they should not be. Anyone can get married at any time. It will only require mutual consent of two people and that consent can be achieved on basis of mutual desires. But there is only one rule in Astrology regarding marriage, i.e. right time will bring right person, wrong time will bring wrong person and medium time can bring either. So, it is not about the right age of marriage now but finding the right time. Normally, at the age 21-22 for girl and 25-26 for guy, parents start looking for match but at least 75% of population is supposed to have a delayed marriage, i.e. in their 30s, due to impact of Saturn or Mars in their horoscope. These two planets guide you that you “should” delay your marriage else there can be issues with spouse or in-laws. How much delay? Every planet has a maturity age and after attaining that age person starts getting more positive results of that planet. Maturity age for Saturn is 36 years and for Mars is 31 years but they both start relieving person from their clutches once he attains 30. So, best choice is to delay marriage till 30 if your horoscope suggests so. Another thing is that if these two planets delay marriage then they also represent things like stability and commitment. So, they want to convey to us that if we are ready to follow their condition of marriage in 30s, they are ready to provide commitment and stability in relations. So, please be open to this suggestion if you are told to delay your marriage.

2. Caste/Religion Issue – Now, this is disturbing that people can ignore Astrology and looking for horoscope matching before marriage but the marriage in own Caste/Religion is the biggest issue and I don’t understand why? Especially, for a country like ours which believes in philosophy of Vasudhaiva Kutumbkam, i.e. whole world is one family , I don’t find any reason to stick with Caste/Religion based system. I can give 1000s of reasons to let go of this caste/religion based marriage system but I think this one reason will be good enough. And this portion is more for parents. 

So, when we go to purchase vegetable for a one time meal, do we think about buying it from a shop of person of our caste/religion? Or do we look where we will get the best quality Vegetable? If we are not ready to compromise with our happiness for one time meal then how we are ready to compromise for whole life? There shouldn’t be any doubt that basic aim of marriage is to live a happy life together. Do we want to say that we can be only happy with people of our castes? Well, then how come we remain happiest with our friends who are from different castes and religion? Are we unable to see that if we just look around in every caste/religion for a suitable spouse, then our chances of getting a better spouse increase manifold? Our reach increases, our options increase. Now, don’t talk about changing the society/country/world when we can’t change our mindset this much. At the same time, it is not that we can’t get eligible person in our caste, I am only saying that please keep your mind and options open.

3. Difference of Social Setup in 20th Century and 21st Century – Now, this is one thing we regularly hear from our elders that they didn’t get their horoscopes matched at the time of their marriage but they lived a happy life together. Now, here we need to understand how Indian Society has gone through a drastic change from 20th Century to 21st Century. This part is little gloomy but it is truth anyways.

So, our elders must accept to the fact that 90% of marriages of 20th Century survived in this country because women had completely let go of their ambitions and dedicated themselves to the service of family. Just think of this scenario from last century. A girl used to get married at the age of 20-21 or even earlier. By the age of 24-25, she is mother of 2-3 kids. What does it mean? Her education was not completed. It means in future, even if need arises, she can’t work and earn. By washing utensils and sewing clothes she can’t earn enough to feed her kids. That means she is completely dependent on her husband and in-laws for her survival and kids education. That’s where we have seen some real horror stories where a girl was tortured by husband and in-laws again and again. But marriage didn’t break because even to file a divorce case girl needed some money. And then these people say we lived a “happy married life”. Well, at whose expense? And was it really a happy married life? Even today in 21st century, in all small cities and towns, if families and marriages are surviving then it is just because women has let go of all her ambitions and dreams. If today, they all say that they want to achieve something in life, I would be interested to know how happy is married life then?

Now, we come to the 21st Century and we find a welcoming change, i.e. Girls are equally educated and highly ambitious, even in small cities. This lead the scale in balance. Now, if guy earns 40k, then what big deal? Girl earns 50k. Now, why should she compromise on anything? Why she should not try to achieve her dreams? That’s why I feel that Super-Science like Astrology is going to play the most important role from this generation to all coming generations. As no side is ready to let go of their ambitions, now it is really important to match horoscopes before marriage to know who is going to adjust with whom?  . In a way, women’s empowerment has established the importance of Astrology till eternity. So, please don’t look for any comparison of marriages between 20th century and 21st century. We have gone through a huge welcoming change. Now, things are very much is balance. Both sides need to adjust and co-operate and that’s what a marriage really is.

4. Expectations from a Girl – Ever looked at Matrimonial Ads and thought if all that is expected is really possible? Well-Educated, Working and Homely Girl? . Now, here is the main reason behind relationship stress. If a girl is well educated then she would keep some ambitions too. She won’t be willing to become full time housewife; her ego won’t let her do that. Now, people want educated daughter in law, so that they can tell their relatives with a tinge of pride that their daughter in law is more educated than others but then they all expect her to be at home. And this is the change our society is unable to accept. Why you want an educated girl to stay at home? Why can’t you get a servant and let the girl work? If she earns something, it will add to your prosperity only, right? Do you really expect a girl to get higher education and then sit her whole life at home?
Astrologically speaking, Jupiter represents Husband and Venus represents wife. Out of the 12 zodiac signs, Jupiter is not well placed in 7 of them whereas Venus is not well placed in only 3 of them. So, chances for a girl to be a non-productive wife for a guy is far lesser than for a guy to be a non-productive husband for a girl. That’s why, whenever a relation fails, 90% times it is because of irresponsible nature of Husband.

5. Benefits of Delayed Marriage – Now, there are huge benefits of delaying your marriage till your horoscope allows it. You will have ample opportunity to complete your education, achieve big in your hobbies and interests, get established in your career, buy a home etc. Normally, I see people getting married around 25-26 and then start looking for these things. Won’t it be better if you achieve all this and then get married and enjoy your life without being worried about all these things? Astrologically, Saturn Return is one period which comes on between the age of 27-30. This period brings whole lots of responsibilities and burden. It is said that it is during Saturn Return someone attains age of majority. So, somehow I feel that it is better to go through this period without any worry of spouse, kids, in-laws and let these important relations come in your life after 30.

I had to write it all after seeing so many cases of break-ups and divorces due to marriage at wrong time and especially during this Saturn Return time. Feel free to post your views and comments if you feel I didn’t deal with any point fairly. Please let me know of your thoughts. An open discussion will only bring the most adaptable solution for both sides. 

Vishal S Saxena - Astrologer

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2 Comments on this post

  • Thanks Shaleen.

  • loved reading your article, I agree with every word in the article.

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