Sunday, November 15, 2015


Wednesday afternoon found John and I in our closet weighing the pros and cons of leaving for Northwest Arkansas in the next 30 minutes.  He was not feeling fantastic, and we knew that the time in the car would likely be no fun.  In the end, the things that we wanted to do won out, and we loaded up everything and everyone for the three+ hour drive.

The drive was pretty middle of the road as far as drives for us go.  It was not great, but on the bright side, no one dug poop out of their diaper, so it wasn't as bad as it might be either.  John served on a panel at JBU, and I got to hang out with my mom and sis.  The cousins had good times together, though I failed to capture any pictures of their fun.

We did family pictures on Thursday morning, which is always an adventure.  Again, it was not great, but it also could have gone much worse.  I'm sure Luke got some amazing shots, because he is a photo taking boss magic maker.


We went out for lunch at a delicious restaurant, but it took quite a while to get our food.  Violet spent the meal with Nana, and William spent the meal not liking anything at all ever.  And then he managed to pee out of his diaper while sitting on my lap which soaked us both with urine.  Motherhood is unbelievably glamorous.


Our plan had been to head to Silver Dollar City to see the holiday lights and then drive home late Thursday night.  John and I went back and forth on this.  I really wanted to go for the fun.  John wanted to go to make me happy, but really didn't want to go since he wasn't feeling top notch and it would be an extra two hours in the car.  I felt bad, because I didn't want to force him to go, but I also still really did want to go - even knowing that it would mean pushing our family more than we currently need.  

After further discussion, John agreed that we could go to SDC.  I really appreciated his willingness, but in the end, the Lord protected us from ourselves when I realized that I had left our season passes back at our house.  No SDC lights for us this year, which is probably for the best.  Our kiddos never knew it had been part of the plan, so they were none the wiser.


Our family reality is a bit intense at present.  Having twins that are two and a half is one of the most difficult things I've ever faced in every day life.  They both have stepped up their defiance game, and yelling is a favorite pastime for each of them.  We are trying to figure out where to discipline and where to provide extra loving.  It is hard and exhausting, and often it sucks the fun out of anything we are trying to do.

In my head, I still want to be able to just head out for a quick dessert trip after dinner as a Friday night treat.  But - I have to count the cost.  There will likely be screaming involved, and that is just part of the deal with our family right now.  I've quit taking the kids grocery shopping, because the last time I did, I actually had a Kroger employee ask if I needed help finishing my shopping, and then they opened a lane just for me.  That is what happens when you have two screaming toddlers and really nice grocery store employees.  I cannot pick both twins up when they both flip out, so I often find myself cajoling and bribing and walking at a total crawl just to get anywhere with both of them.

I crave fun, and it is in my nature to look for opportunities to provide it for our family.  I'm having to continue to adjust my expectations and be reminded that there are seasons for all things.  I don't need to force family fun that has a higher cost than benefit.  Screaming wears out everyone, and we all come home more exhausted.  It's a balance, because I don't want to miss out on everything, but I am working on reminding myself that next year, things will likely be a bit easier.  There will be a tiny bit more reason, and maybe, just maybe, there will be less yelling.  It will not always feel like this.

But at present, it can feel pretty hard.  I know that we have SO many good and amazing things to be thankful for, and I truly am thankful.  And, we still do get to do fun things - clearly.  Not everything is a drag.  God is working on my heart to be willing to listen to his voice and do what is best for our family right now.  This often means slowing down and not doing all the things - everyone is less pressured when we say "no" and "not right now" to all the extras.  There are beautiful moments every day, and I don't want to miss out on the great things that come with these ages.  But, I won't miss the yelling.  I can tell you that for sure.


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