Amanda (21 Sep 2010)


Hi, I meant to write over the weekend but did not get a chance to.  I 100% completely understand how you feel.  It was good to read today others posts too because I can feel very isolated.   I will think of a memory from 2007 and think wow I had no idea then and was just able to live every day life.  The Lord awoke me of His soon coming back in March of 2008.  I'm thankful that He did and He chose to tell me to tell others but sometimes I feel weighed down and alone.  Others look at me like I'm crazy.  When I'm shopping say at Target I will think what if I just ran all over the store saying the rapture is near, get don't need to buy anything for next summer.   Can you imagine others would probably call the security, ha!  

I get the friend thing because my 2 friends are finally tieing the knot sometime next year and I want to say I may be a bridesmaid but I will most likely be in Heaven.  It's hard to get excited for them because if I lose myself mentally I start to plan things and then I will wake myself and go "Do I really need to buy Christmas gifts this year?"  

I do know the Lord over a year ago said to me "go on about your way", almost like He told Daniel to go on and not worry, until the end of times, to not concern himself.  But the Lord did not say that to me other than keep moving.  I even asked Him should I get this part time job and I felt Him say it's not really going to matter.  Sometimes I feel will I be vacumming this floor next week?  Do I even care to do it anymore.  I know the Lord does not want us to give up.  I have this urgency to get things done though.  

Its soon, so soon.  I just wonder "who" will be saying "where is Amanda?"  It makes me really sad.  

Have a wonderful week and we will try to be happy for others or what our plans are for the day or week but knowing the real wedding is really soon.

p.s.  I yearn to see my miscarried baby in Heaven soon, I cry to think I will be meeting he or she soon.  So many emotions are playing in my mind now.