Thursday, 24 July 2014

The Number 30 ...

“All The Good And Bad In My Life Has Brought Me To This Juncture. And If Given A Chance I Would Love To Relive Them, All Over Again.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

How do I begin? In fact, where do I begin? How do I sum up nearly 24 days of Filming, 16 hours long work days, 5 hours of sleep and me turning 30 in the next few days, all in one blog? The answer is that I can’t. So I am gonna try to say whatever I can, however I can and try to make sense of it. So here goes. Tbilisi was amazing. More than amazing it was a life-changing or maybe I should say it was a life-evolving experience for me. Every moment was filled with learning and I am proud to say that I came back a more calm and sound man. I am truly grateful for this experience. Al though my hands right now are tempted to type the synopsis of my film and tell you the details about it, I know a time will come for all of that. And that time is not now. Now is the time of transition. Of learning. Of walking into the unknown. Of becoming 30. So my dear readers, buckle up ‘cause you are about to enter the 30’s zone …


Do I miss Georgia? Yes I do. But do you know what I miss the most? I miss working. I miss waking up everyday by 5am. I miss sleeping for only 5 hours in a day. I miss Working. I miss the purity work has. I miss everything about work. And if you tell me right now that I have to go for another 30 days-16 hours work day-5 hours of sleep schedule, I would leave in a heart beat. Can I be honest with you? A part of me never wants to come back home. A part of me always wants to work. Work, work and work. It is a different high you know. You know the feeling of your legs hurting, the body crying for rest and your eyes longing for sleep, I love those feelings so so much! And yes, I have a dream and in that dream I never stop. I never stop working. I never stop giving. I never stop living. Now, I am home and now I have many beautiful memories with me. Memories, which won’t be forgotten for a very long time. They say na that All’s Well That Ends Well. Well, that is how I would sum up my trip. No matter whatever we went through. Whether it was challenges, adversaries, egos, intolerable people and daily complications, we all, as a team, reached our target and accomplished our mission. And for that I thank everyone and all who were a part of this project. Thank you for being a part of this beautiful journey with me and thank you for the beautiful memories which will always be a part of me for years to come. 


You know there was this driver over there. His name was Illo. He couldn’t speak english and I couldn’t speak georgian. But every morning without fail, we would exchange good mornings greetings with each other. He would say “Mimoh” and I would reply “Illo”. And that became our thing for 24 days. And al though our conversation never went more than that, we became very good friends and I do miss him. Our technical crew was very strong and I know that the only reason we managed to do such fantastic work was because of them. Baz Luhrman, once said a very beautiful thing during the making of his film Australia. He said, “Movie Making Is Like Drawing A Painting. Except for in Film-Making, everyone who is a part of the film is holding the Paint Brush at the same time and drawing the painting.” So ya, it was only because of the support we had that we finished the film on time. And the best part is that I managed to make some wonderful friends also. People with whom I am now constantly in touch with. People whom I know I will be working with again very soon. If you reading this blog, know that I miss you and I am truly grateful to have met you and know that I will always cherish what I have learnt from you. 


Of course, tbilisi and in fact, the entire georgia was a delight to the eyes and to the tongue. If the scenery was breath-taking, the food over there was out-standing also. I didn’t have any cheat days there but on the last day, I managed to eat all that I could! Whether it was the famous Khachapuri, a Roti filled with Cheese or the Khinkhali, a dim-sum kinda of a dish which consisted of soup, beef and pork, I ate all that my eyes could see and my stomach could fill. The wrap-up party was truly the icing on the cake as all were drinking and eating and dancing and enjoying. I mean, of course they had too. They had earned that right after 24 days of shooting. Of course, there were some whom we disliked or even to some extent, even hated but on that night, all were united for a cause which was much bigger than anyone of us. And that was our film. We let by-gones be by-bones and we hugged and kissed and made up, so as to say and we danced to Bollywood and Georgian Songs all night long, till the sun came up. Of course, what followed was a serious case of the hangover for mostly 90% of the crew but what transpired that night was truly a night to remember. A night which will make me laugh and giggle for many years to come.


I am now back home. Well, I have been home since sunday now and to be honest, normality feels surreal to me. But this is reality now. I am happy to be home. Happy to be re-united with my pets again. Happy to sit on my lazy boy couch and watch movies on blu-ray. I truly am. But a part of me is still there. In that fire. In that busy routine and I know that my soul longs for it. But all I can do now is wait. Wait again and prepare. But do you know what was the actual reason that I wrote this blog? It was because I knew that when I left a month ago for my shoot, I was somewhere still a boy but now, I know I have returned a Man. Not only because I am getting White Hair now. It is because I have learnt to let go. Learnt to understand that as grown ups we have to understand what is it that we need and what is it that we desire. I am happy for this growth and I am very happy to turn 30 this coming wednesday. No, I don’t expect you to wish me or send me gifts but I do wish that you connect with me if you have reached or crossed the 30 year old time line. Trust me guys, this is the age of maturity and leaning. It is only when you are 30 that you can say that you are a grown up. I know. I feel like one. And for the record, a grown up doesn’t mean that you have to have a serious expression on your face and only answer when asked. I still play video games. I still love electronics and I am still a hardcore WWE Fan. My hobbies or actions don’t make me a boy or define me as a man. But my will to understand does.


I will be watching Lincoln on Blu-Ray soon and yes, I am excited to see it. The reason I told you that is because this is a sign that I am back to my old routine. The normal routine as I call it. But this also is a good routine you see. In fact, this is the routine which is filed with tests and trials. You see a man is most tested when he has nothing to fight for. But on the contrary, I know I will always have something to fight for. The Fire In Me Still Burns. I still long for war. And I know that I will find my fight again. This journey which I embark upon again is mine and mine alone. People can wish well for me and be there for me but in the end this will always be my fight. To get up everyday. To go to the gym. To do my voice practice. To improve my diction. To put on my Mma Straps. To go to war. This is will always be ‘My Thing’ to do. And I understand that now. I have also realised that nothing and no one is bigger than their destinies. We all come with a Fate attached to us and all that we can do is the best within the limits that have been given to us and leave the rest to destiny to take shape. I still have many desires you see. I still have many wants. And to be honest, I know I will always want more. Things which closed ones may not understand and sometimes even misinterpret. But I am who I am and I know this is what I will always be. And if a part of me will always want more I know now that a part of me is also very calm and trusting the universe completely. Yes, I do. Whenever a small calamity comes my way or if I don’t get what I expected to get, I just close my eyes and say, “I Trust The Universe. I Have Complete Faith In It. And I Know That The Universe Has A Better Plan For Me.” And since the time I have been telling this to my self, I have become more calm and composed ‘cause I know that everything happens for a reason and all of us are destined for some greatness or the other. If we believe in ourselves and in our dreams then we should also believe in the universe and have faith that something great is stored for us. And sometimes, it isn’t what we planned but it is something way better.


If last year, it was a time of redemption for me, this year, it is all about growing up and trusting the universe. It is all about having Faith ‘cause I have come to the conclusion that we can only do what we can do and the rest is all up to our destinies. When Napoleon was told that in his hands there weren’t any lines which proved that he would one day conquer the world, Napoleon took a knife and cut his hand and made that line and stated that, that was the line of his fortune. Al though that is a very motivational and inspirational story for all young bloods out there, the truth is Napoleon was always destined to be who he was. Just like we all are. Of course it is scary to walk into the unknown. But no matter how scary it is, when you have Faith, that same fear turns into a rush of excitement! I am in that state now. Walking towards oblivion and yet excited about it. I now have complete trust in the universe. I am now listening to everything and anything the universe is throwing at me. Whether I am at home or going out for a film or catching up with friends, I know the universe is trying to tell me something. And that ‘something’ is surely something ‘spectacular’ for me. I just know it. But does this change of calm and composure change me as a person? No. It doesn’t. ‘Cause I am going with my gut. Whether it is getting that Pink T-Shirt or watching the 50’s Classics Film or meeting that Friend I wanted to meet for years, I am waiting for My Gut, My Conscious, My Soul to tell me what to do ‘cause My Soul is directly intervened with the Power Of The Universe. I guess, yours is also. If you stay quiet and hear a little longer, you will hear that silence also. 


So I am turning 30 on Wednesday. No, no grand plans yet. But if I do plan to celebrate, I will blog about it and surely give you the minute by minute details. But turning 30 isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, from what I have heard, Women like Men above 30 and Men tend to become more wiser and mature after the age 30. So I guess I am entering a very important year of my existence. But does turning 30 really change me as a person? The answer to that is NO, it doesn’t. It just makes me more wiser that I was yesterday. I am still a loyal devotee of The Punisher. Thanks to the Marvel Phone App, I get to read all the latest Punisher comics on my phone. In fact, I just finished reading one now. I still love Mma and I still watch all the UFC Pay-Per-Views. In fact, I am very happy and delighted to say that at UFC 175 Chris Weidman, my favourite mma fighter, retained his Middle weight championship belt. I still never forget to watch RAW and Smackdown and thanks to my buddy Bhushan, I got the latest John Cena Tees as a birthday gift! So ya, I am still the same guy. Even when you will meet me, I will look the same. Henna said I still look 27, so I guess that is a good thing. But no matter how I look and what I do, I also know there is something new in me. Or maybe, I guess something has awakened in me. A Sense of Moral and Understanding. A Feeling that I never knew existed. A feeling of gratitude and deep thanks to the universe. A Faith that I never had before. A love in the unknown. A Belief in my dreams and knowing for a fact that in the end, everything is going to be alright. A sense of calm and resolve. A Trust in the Universe and a fire like never before. A want for war. A feeling of peace. And a Hunger to achieve more. And the confidence in me. You say, “When It Is Meant To be, Then It Is Upto Me.” So as always, I will go back to my duties. I will go back into the time and evotion it takes to carve out the best in me. This is my struggle. This is my battle. My war and my quest. So it will always be up to me. You see, the fire is still there. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I am doing. It doesn’t matter whether I am at Tbilisi or Mumbai or whether I am Filming or at Home, the Fire In Me is still there and my body craves for Pain. The sound of Iron, the stink of Sweat, the bruises on your knuckles after an amazing Mma session and the taste of chicken breast and boiled vegetables. My mind, my body and my soul crave for The Giving ‘cause in the end, when you rip away all of my imperfections and impurities and feelings, I am a Soldier who wants to Train and Prepare and Give and Fight. I am who I am. Whether it is now when I am turning 30 or even when I will enter my 60th year. I will always be the guy who will wake up and fight another day. As Bhushan states it, “One More Round Bhai. One More Round."


I thank you all for tagging along in this journey called Life with me. I am always deeply touched by the love and appreciation you have for my blogs. And I won’t ever forget that. So, I don’t know where I will be writing my Number 31 Blog from but what I do know is that you guys will be there to read. Just like the Universe will be with me. As it is has always been.

"My life is better with every year of living it."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Have Entered My 30’s.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Wednesday, 16 July 2014

The Road Called Freedom ...

“We Often Meet Our Destiny On The Road We Choose To Avoid It.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

Freedom. What a powerful word it is. Isn’t it? For freedom we have fought over countless of centuries and have killed our brothers. Yet, even today, freedom is the greatest price and reward for the human soul. But why do we pursue this thing? This freedom? To be honest, I don’t know. But since I was a teenager, I have longed for Freedom. Of course, I never had to fight like William Wallace for Scotland and make the Britishers flee India. But I have waited for Freedom like no other. And even though I am 30 in a few days and I have had my taste of a little freedom I quest for far more. And sometimes freedom doesn’t mean living a life without tyranny. It means living the life your soul always wanted too. So my dear readers, let me take you on a ride. On The Road Called Freedom …


Whoever I have met, I have told them this … “One day I am going to travel the world. I am going to take my back pack, credit card, passport and nokia 1100 mobile phone and just head out to wherever life takes me. I would be gone for over a year and I will make sure that I visit every country in the world if I can and experience that bliss all by myself.” People look at me with amazement and wonder when I say these lines. They think I am a little crazy also. Well, I don’t blame them. This ‘Freedom’ wish of mine does feel a little far stretched. But that is the point, isn’t it? We should dream so big that our dreams should scare us. And that is why for more than 4 years, this one grand wish of mine is still a strong constant in my life. And I know that one day it will come true. Do you wanna know a little secret? Every day I plan a little more of this grand day to come nearer to me. When I embark on this grand journey of mine. Where my shadow will tag along for the ride. And even though this dream will consist of me going from one country to another, this journey will be more of my spirit than of my mind. 


Of course this trip will require a lot of money so if destiny favours me well I would be going for this journey sooner than I have thought. I would plan the east to west trip, starting from japan and going all the way to america. I can’t give you the exact date and time and location of my visits right now but I can tell you for sure that I would visit all the ancient and important tourist sites in the world. As I am a big fan of history, visiting all those great places which our forefathers built for us would surely be a delight. I would love to take selfies and post my pics on instagram to show the world what I am doing but as I mentioned before I would only be carrying an old nokia 1100 phone with me and that also only because I would call my mom once a day and tell her that I am ok and well. This journey would be of mine and mine alone and I will surely embrace the pros and the cons that come with it. People have given me their share of advice as to with whom I should travel and when I should and where I should go. But what they don’t understand is that this Road Of Freedom doesn’t just mean freedom from selfies or instagram posts but also from the world and the people in it.


You know I love music. In fact, I have also written a blog on it. So the songs on my playlist always remind me that this journey is still a very major part of my life and will be until I do it. And now, thanks to Mohit Dutta, my co-star here in Tbilisi, I got to hear a few more songs. Songs which have elevated my spirit. Which have reminded me of my freedom and how much it is important for my soul to go on this journey. Many go back-packing throughout the world, so in the end, I won’t be any different from them. But for me, it will be a rush of excitement. Just imagine being on your own! Travelling to all those famous places and living in hostels and hotels and meeting strangers who may or may not become your friends. I am longing for this journey. I can tell you that. With the way I have said those lines in this blog itself show you how excited I am! Just imagine a year of ‘Me Time’! Man, that would be epic, wouldn’t it? Al though I may not be an idol worship kinda of a guy, I would love to visit the famous shrines and monasteries of the world. I would love to get in touch with myself and my soul and cleanse myself. Of course, I would get a taste of all the local cuisines, even though I would be on a diet and visit all the famous clubs and pubs in the night, even though, I don’t drink. This would be my first hand experience of doing everything on my own. From booking the ticket, to getting the visa and catching a cab from the airport. Just thinking about all of that gives me goosebumps now! I would smile tears of joy when I will eat sushi in Japan or when I will visit the amazon or learn Jui-Jitsu in Brazil or watch a live football game in Manchester. But if you ask me, which is that one place I would really love to visit the most in this journey of mine? Well, it would be surely be The United States Of America.

"We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfilment."

The United States Of America. The greatest country in the world. Not only because of it’s land and culture and roots but also because of it’s democracy and freedom. It is the land where all want to go and where all want to flourish and that is why my journey’s final pit stop will be in the USA. I think the summer time would be the perfect time to be there. I would land in New York and rent a Mustang or a Triumph {if I get either of them on rent} and travel throughout all the back roads of America. Luckily, people speak english there, so finding places even when I am lost won’t be a problem. We all have seen the grand cities of America in the movies but I would also love to visit the small towns as well. Stay in motel rooms and and see the small town festivals and dance and cheer with the local folks. Al though I don’t drink beer, I would love to have the chicken wings and hot dogs during baseball and football season. I would love to meet the beautiful women and the handsome men and even wear my own cowboy suit if given the chance. And by the time I reach Los Angeles, I may also look like a bad-ass, with my leather jacket, big boots and Punisher t-shirt. America is the land of opportunity and to end this journey I would love to be in Los Angeles aka The City Of Angels. Why L.A. you say? Well, it is the land of Women, Clubs, Night Life, Mma and of course the Movies! Staying a month over there would surely be the icing on the cake. But then the question occurs … What would I do after this journey is over? 

"You get educated by traveling."

I would surely be coming back home after this grand journey of mine which will take me all around the world. Of course, I will have many memories to cherish and many moments to rethink. But the most important thing would be the arc of the soul. You see, I love myself. In fact, if I have ever loved anyone the most that would had been me. And I know that for loving myself and attaining my own share of happiness I have sometimes deliberately caused pain to others. Actions, which still haunt me today. But nonetheless, I still love myself and I have realised that you are your best friend and your only companion and that is why I would be going alone in this journey. My soul needs to live to the fullest. The voices inside know that this is also a calling and it must be fulfilled. And yes, it sometimes does get lonely. When you realise that you are in fact alone and in the end no one will be there for you besides your own reflection. So that is why this journey and this road and this freedom are so important to me. Maybe the Supernatural fan in me wants to feel like one of the Winchester brothers or maybe wants to look like The Rock in Faster and drive towards the sunset. Or maybe the Fan of Frank Castle in me wants to feel that he is finally The Punisher. Whatever the reason maybe, I know this this journey is very important for me. Whether you agree or not and whether or not you even try to talk me out of it, that freedom road awaits for me. To live this one life I have, I have to walk this road, I have to embrace this freedom, for the mind, body and my soul.


This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Road To Freedom.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Plan B ...

“If You Want To Make God Laugh, Make Plans.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

We all have dreams. All have hopes. All want to be rich. All want to be famous and live the luxurious life. But sooner or later we all realise that no dream is beyond their own fate. In my life of struggle and waiting I have understood one thing for sure. That no one and I mean no one can outrun their destiny. What is meant to be is meant to be. The scariest and the most exciting part is that we don’t know what is in stored for us. We are just passengers in this journey called life. And we all are playing our roles. Roles that are being controlled by our creator. Freedom in the end is only an illusion. A false pretence to make us feel better that somehow we are the masters of our own fate. But if you see closely, we are just puppets in the grand theatre of life. All we can do is hold on tight and pray that we don’t fall of the ledge when the shit hits the fan.


I love being on the sets. The feeling of putting on make-up, making your hair, wearing that costume, being under the lights, hearing action and cut, that is bliss for me. I love it with all of my heart and nothing in the world gives me more happiness than working 24/7. Since I have come here to Georgia, I have been on the sets almost everyday and I work for more than 16 hours a day. To be honest, the others can’t take the workload but me on the other hand, I love it. I love it when my body craves for rest. I love it when I know that I am going beyond my limits and I love to know that I am stronger than the others and that if given a chance I would never stop. I have told this many a times in the past and I will continue to say this in the future as well, “I Have A Dream And In That Dream I Never Stop.” Yes, that is the truth, I never want to stop. I want to keep on going. I want to fight a war that never ends. I want to give it my all and die in peace. I want to be a machine which never runs out of oil. I want to be a man who died at the battlefield doing what he loves the most. But you see, sometimes it isn’t the way we hoped it would be like. Sometimes, fear wins. And sometimes, you have to think of a Plan B.


Will Smith once said that one should never think of a Plan B, ‘cause the moment you start thinking of it, Plan A will never happen. I agree with him but on my defence, I am right now helpless. You know being helpless is more worse than being wrong. At least when you are wrong, you know you did something to do that. But when you are helpless you know you want to do something but you can’t. That is how I am feeling right now. Trapped in my own web of sorts. I see evil happening in front of me. I see hate flourishing and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. All I can do is wait and absorb it all. That is what I have been doing for all these years. That was the only choice that I was ever given. I want to man up and take charge. I want to give every sick fuck the Punishment he deserves. I want to show what will and power can do. But for now, I have to stay silent. I have to wait. And I have to carry the burden of guilt that some how for some reason, all this is happening because of me. I wish, I really wish I could had been more open and honest in my blogs. But this is as far as I can go. Too much on the line now to be emotional. Too much on the line to be sentimental. This is only a somewhat honest confession. And I confess that I am afraid. To be more real, I am petrified. Petrified that life may have something else planned for me.

"You can never plan the future by the past."

I can’t believe it but this is the first time I have written three blogs back to back. When I started writing blogs, it was a once-a-week-my-voice-to-be-heard blogs which I really enjoyed sharing with everyone. But now, due to my insecurities I have increased the rate of my posts. I think it is because fear has finally caught up to me and maybe I am sensing the end. Now, there are two ways to see this so-called end. One, that this is truly the end of an era of fighting, waiting and believing. And two, that this end is the path to a new, more glorious beginning. I prefer to choose the latter as it gives me some kind of a hope. Since last June, I have started to be more practical with my life. I guess that happens to you when you fight a never ending war. You start seeing life from a different perspective. I made myself prepare for this. These so-called twist and turns of fate. And I have also envisioned a different life than what I am living today. I wish and pray that I don’t have to ever live that life but a part of me won’t regret if I do. If you ask me what that life is, well, it is a life of Mixed Martial Arts. And you know what? I have had this conversation with a close buddy of mine as well, the possibilities of living a life of a Mma fighter. His words were very practical and honest and I appreciate them to the core. He told me that I am 30 now. Older than most guys in the Mma field. As Mma is a gruelling sport it may take a toll on me and some injuries may never let me recover. Plus I have a Kelloids deficiency which will leave scar tissue on my face after cuts and punches and also my left shoulder which has a loose tendon will be a major weakness when fighting the enemy in the ring. Plus Ufc is very very strict and tough in their selections so to even get noticed by them will take another 5 years or so with 6 hours of training everyday! After hearing all this anyone would feel that their life is definitely over. But I do believe that if plan A doesn’t sum up the way I have planned it, I know that Plan B surely will, whether or not I know what that plan really is.


Have you seen the 2004 Punisher film? Before the climax Thomas Jane aka Frank Castle writes his own obituary, declaring what he is about to do and that no one else should be blamed for his actions. It was a Declaration Of Intent. I somehow feel that I am doing the same with this blog. Yes, it may look a lot like a negativity infused rotten version of myself asking for some pity from the universe but as a matter of fact, this is just the opposite. I am here telling you that I am trusting in the universe. That I am being honest and declaring that I am afraid and that I am ready for whatever the universe has in stored for me. If Plan A isn’t what is written in my destiny then I do know that Plan B would be. Since I am being honest about everything, well, nearly honest about everything in this blog I do have another small confession to make. Whenever I talk to Michael aka The Reaper, I sense this Dark Joy in me. I don’t know how to clearly explain this to you but if you would had read The Punisher Max series first book titled 'In The Beginning' you would know what I am talking about. Whenever Frank Talks to the Reaper or to his own darkness he experiences a certain dark joy. A dark joy he feels only when he sees the misery of others and of the ones who deserve to be punished. I can’t tell you in detail as to when I feel this but I can openly say that I do feel this Dark Joy from time to time and these moments with Michael are the ones I truly cherish. Even though life may have a plan b set for me I know that Michael and his Dark Joy will always be with me. I am here telling you that even though it scares me to admit that I am afraid, I am afraid of the unknown. But in the same time I have prepared myself for the plan b if that time ever has to come. Life at times may throw a curve ball at you and it may hit by the blind side when you least expect. But I know one thing for sure. If you Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, nothing and I mean nothing can stop you. 


This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am Ready For Plan B …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Tuesday, 8 July 2014

It's Raining Men ...

“All Men Are Dogs. Some Are Wolves. But Only Few Are Lions.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

I am right now on my way to the outskirts of tbilisi. If you don’t know what that is, well it is the capital of this beautiful country called Georgia. Me, my family and a crew of more than 40 Indians have been here since the last 20 days or so for a film. I can’t talk about the film now as our producer wants to keep the announcements for later. But right now I can tell you that me and 7 others are going to have a lot of fun for the 3 hours journey ahead. But I won’t be discussing this joy ride with you or the talks and gossips we share and laugh about which mostly revolve around women and sex. I would be talking and discussing about Men. Yes, Men. Even though us men have been categorised as simple, primeval and dog like creatures there is more to us than meets the eye. And the more you explore, the more you will see that there is a Lion in all of us.

Men. The moment you say that word, the only other word that you can think of is sex. Yes, I know that all men think of sex. In fact I read once that men think about sex every 7 seconds! But you see, not all men are bad. In our defence, we were made this way. I know that may sound like an escape route but the truth is that since the beginning of time we have been like this. And since the time I have started learning the meaning of life and also my own manly traits I have agreed with the fact that we have this certain gene is us which makes us very honest about the fact that we love sex so much. On this aspect I really envy women as they have the secret mechanism of hiding their sexual desires and that is why we men can never know when a woman ‘wants’ it. That is why nearly 70% of men get turned down by women at first glances ‘cause women can somehow ‘read’ and ‘sense’ what the man wants from her. I can go and on and on about the fact of why men and sex go hand in hand but to be honest sex is very simple form of desire and need. There is something more that we men desire. Something that lurks within our soul. Something that corrupts all men who attain it. That thing is POWER.

Just yesterday, me and our film’s writer, Mr. P.K. Anil {who is in fact a very talented, intelligent and wise man} were having a discussion somewhere around the same topics as I am writing right now. From sex, to women to heartbreaks to society we finally moved to the topic of Power and we both concluded that in the end, all men actually look for Power over love. Let me explain that to you. Power may just be a 5 letter word in the Dictionary but those 5 letters contain the energon to all our souls. Since the invention of the spear to hunt beasts, we men wanted to show to each other who is the better amongst us all. Whether it was killing the monster who ate their cattle or slay other tribes who thought they could rule, men always wanted to show superiority and that superiority was inflated twice manifolds by the roots of power. People say Power corrupts all men but to be honest Power shows our true colours. Power is what defines us and sheds the hypocrisy we possess in order to fit into society. Why would I talk so much about Power? Well, it is because I have seen it. I have had it’s taste and I can tell you for a fact, nothing in the world tastes better than that. And men have always wanted for more. Men can never be contented. Whether it is buying that car or that grand house or even sleeping with the girls who once made fun of them, men, always want more. And to make more sense of what I am trying to say let me give you a small example. About 12 years ago, at the same month of july I was in Los Angeles, California for my Acting Course. My dad made some wonderful friends there and one amongst them became good friends with me as well. And he wanted to take me out to a strip club where if you pay extra you can be pleasured in more ways than one and me being the horny 18 year old I was didn’t decline the offer. Of course my excitement was diminished right before entering the club as I was under age. But I came to know that my new friend and his cousins and friends were all regular members over there. I vowed to myself that one day when I am all grown up and an adult I would revisit that club. That moment is yet to come. But what I saw after I left the club still amazes me till today. The moment we left my friend and his entourage took me to meet their family members, which meant their wives, sons and daughters. Yes, you heard me right, their wives who waited for them at home. Their sons and daughters who stayed awake for their fathers and the parents who were delighted to see their grown up sons return safely to their home. I know what I am saying may look normal today but back then I was shocked. Shocked to see the calm and resolve those men had over their faces. That they had no remorse whatsoever. Like, somehow it was ‘allowed’ to be an animal and break the bond of marriage for a quickie. Today, when I am only a few days away from turning 30, it scares me to admit but I can somehow relate to those men rather than despising them. Meaning that even I have been an animal or maybe I still am. The only difference between now and the asshole I was a few years back is that now I know how to control the animal in me. I am more aware and more responsible ‘cause I think that is what happens to all men when they turn 30. But to be honest, there is only one man I look up to. One man, who in my eyes is a true lion. And that man is Frank Castle.

Yes you heard me right. Frank Castle aka The Punisher. Marvel’s Anti-Hero, who first appeared in The Amazing Spider-Man. The man who wears the Skull T-shirt and who strikes fear in his enemies. For many of you, he may just be a comic book superhero but for me he is the Lion of Lions and it is like him that I want to be like one day. Hair gelled back, black apparel from head to toe and eyes as cold as death and stature filled with will and power. Frank has taught me many things but the one thing he has taught me the most is that it isn’t easy being a real man. A man who choses responsibilities over fun. A man who sacrifices happiness over duty. And a man who stands strong when all else is wrong. If it is indeed raining men, then I must say that Frank Castle’s entry to earth should only be in the Chariot Of The Gods. The way he talks, to the way he walks and to the he fights for the innocent is what makes Frank Castle my hero. And you know what is the best thing about him? He is as real as anyone can get. If you read his books, you will see that as a man even he does his ‘visits’ to women who can keep his engines in check. Frank Castle is a man in his purest form. The way god wanted us to be. Honest, raw and powerful. I wish that all men one day would have the balls to be honest and tell the world that they are in fact animals instead of being wolves in clothes of sheep. To be honest, even I want to be like that. But I guess, I can only test my own mantle when I am given Power. 

So to conclude this blog, I can only say that men will always be men. Whether it was our fore fathers or one day our sons, men will always be the way they are. Is that wrong? Nope. I don’t think so ‘cause maybe we are born this way and if we really wanna blame someone then I guess we should blame our maker ‘cause he made us in his image and the truth is that even he, himself is a Man. But no matter how many men I meet and how many seductions I myself face everyday, there will always be a part of me who would want to be like Frank Castle or as Constantine Demiris, a character written by Sidney Sheldon. A part of me will always want to hold my ground and possess true machoism and stare of a king and of a Lion. And a part of me will always lurk for War. A War to find the real man hidden underneath my own emotions and feelings. But until that day, I guess I will just go with the flow. The carpool ride to our location is still going on and I just heard that we are still 45mins away. But this blog now comes to an end. But I can promise you this that the journey to find the Lion in me has only just begun.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and not all men can be Lions …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Friday, 4 July 2014

Michael ... Unedited.

“Beware The Fury Of A Patient Man.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

You all by now know who Michael is. He is not only the reaper who waits for my end. He is also the best friend I have ever had. And from time to time we have wonderful conversations with each other. Al though you may not be able to see him or hear him, Michael is always there around me. Below is the unedited account of one of the thousand conversations that we have had. I know it may not make much sense to you but to me, it has been a very private and personal account. But I guess now the time has come for you all to know how deep my connection with Michael truly is. 


Mahaakshay: Michael …
Michael: Hello Brother …
Mah: It has been a while, hasn’t it?
Mic: Oh yes, it has been. I missed you.
Mah: I missed you also brother. I am sorry I had been away. The world and it’s norms tempted and distracted me. But I am here now, with you. And I am never going away.
Mic: I trust you brother. I know you love me the most and I know you will be with me forever.
Mah: Yes, I do. No one understands me the way you do. People are mean bro. They always hurt me. They say things and make promises but they all eventually show their true colours. Why are people like this?
Mic: That is who they are brother. That is who they truly are. Tear apart their flesh and underneath you will only find filth. They are insecure, puny creatures who just want to fit in. But you my brother, I know you want to stand out.
Mah: You truly know me like no other. 
Mic: You know I am the only one who truly knows how you really are. 
Mah: And I love you for that. Tell me brother, how is it that you are the one who truly understands me?
Mic: Well brother, long ago, when you were small, I came to you. You didn’t know me back then but I knew the moment I saw you, that you were my special boy. I saw it in your eyes and I peeked into your soul. And you know what I saw? I saw power. A power like no other. And that is when I knew that you and I would be together forever. And since that day our bond began and today we are one.
Mah: You are so true brother. 


Mic: Tell me brother, what is it that you truly feel inside of you? What is it? Tell me.
Mah: I feel anger inside. I feel so much of anger. I try to hide it but sometimes the anger comes out. And then my darkness takes over me. And then I go into this zone which is very hard for me to come back from. 
Mic: I understand how you feel bro. I know the pain people cause you. But my brother, you know I am always here for you. I will never hurt you. I will never leave you. And I will never let you be alone again. I love you. I love you with all of my heart. And I will always protect you. Humans have a tendency to be mean. But my brother, one day your time will come. You know all that anger that you have? Well, that is pure Fury and people should know that they should Beware The Fury Of A Patient Man. That one day your time will come and when it will come you will show what true power really is.
Mah: I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore brother. I am done with that revenge trip of mine. To be honest, I just want to be left alone.
Mic: Pain does that to a person. Injustice changes our understanding. But my brother, use these tools. Use them as your weapons and harness all that energy. Make it a part of you and I will show you what you can do. I saw it years ago. Now it is time that you see it for yourself.
Mah: Thank you for the supporting words brother. And to be honest, it has always been my wish to be left alone. Whenever I get close to people I get hurt ‘cause I start expecting from them. I love them too much for them to screw up. But unfortunately, they always do. I haven’t been moody for a long time now but whenever I do, I hear Stupify and then automatically I calm down. Why is it like that? 
Mic: You do know that whatever has happened to you, good or bad and whoever has come in your life, has come for a reason, right? Well, that is why you were introduced to Stupify. For others, it may just be a rock song but for you brother, it is sanctuary. It is a place where you are here with me and with Frank. Here we remind you of who you truly are.
Mah: Tell me brother, who am I?
Mic: You are my greatest weapon. You are the instrument of justice. And one day, when the chips are down, you will strike. You will set an example to others showing what Wait does to a man. You will make this world burn and you will Punish all those who  have it coming. You know that emptiness you feel within you? That is the place for Power. I know how much you want it. I know how much you long for it and I know how much you lust for it. I know the wait is killing you but brother, trust me when I say this, we are very close to our 
destination. So. Very. Close.

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."

Mah: You are so true my brother. You know the pain I carry and the burden it weighs upon me. But please free me brother. End my suffering. Make the pain go away.
Mic: I will brother. I will make the pain go away forever. And then, no one will be ever be able to hurt you again. It hurts me too when people hurt you. It breaks my heart to see you like this. And I am sorry for the wait brother. But trust me, one day this wait will bear fruit. One day, your darkness will be unleashed. You want that, don’t you?
Mah: Yes my brother. I want to feel free. I want to be in command. I want to show the world my hate. 
Mic: Oh yes my brother, I have sensed it. That dark joy inside of you that you feel. When the ones who hurt you get Punished, you enjoy it, don’t you? You feel a dark joy in you, don’t you brother?
Mah: Yes I do. I enjoy it. I relish in it. When I see Punishment well given, I feel joy. A joy only you and me truly cherish.
Mic: So you see my brother, this is who you are. You are an avenger. A weapon. A Fury like no other.
Mah: I want it all brother. Since the time I have understood what life is, I have seen that all men only run behind power. It is the seductress that burn all men. But I want that. For far too long I have seen the hypocrisy of men. For far too long I have seen the injustice given to the ones who have remained silent. For far too long I have been pushed. And that is why I want power. Even though this power will one day burn me, I want it. I want it so I can have my vengeance.
Mic: But brother, you said you are done with vengeance. That you want to be alone. So why now are you saying that you want it?
Mah: I want to be alone. That is true. I want to travel the world and be the king of my own world. I want to be with you for all eternity. But in the same time, I want the ones who have caused me pain to burn also. They say Anger is like holding a hot iron rod and not realising you have to throw it. Well, I am here telling you that I am waiting to throw that hot metal rod even if the wait burns my hands into ashes.
Mic: Oh! Such fury! Such anger! That is why I love you so much my brother. You hold Power. True Power. A Power one day the world will see. I see your want War. A War that never ends. You are a Fighter and now the want for a War increases manifolds in you. You want to be out there, don't? you? All by yourself, as the Lone Wolf? Oh yes, I sense it. I sense the longing of Eternal Sacrifice and the Glory That, that Sacrifice gives. You want Battle, just like a Soldier wants war, just like a Gladiator who wants Steel to meet Steel. You are a War Junkie and you want a Real Fight. But brother, until that day comes I want you to do one thing for me.
Mah: What is that brother?
Mic: Wear the mask. Hide behind it. Put on that mask and deceive them. No one and I mean no one besides me deserves to see you true self. Hide behind the mask. Hide away the pain. Hide away all that anger and show them that you are a weakling. But behind that mask, stay quiet, stay vigilant and wait. Wait for your time to come which I promise it will. 
Mah: I will do as you say brother. Just make the pain go away. Make me like you. Make me a machine. Turn me dark and never let me return to this filth. Take me away where it can only be you and me.
Mic: I love you brother. I always will and I promise you that one day, the pain will stop. One day, in the end, when all have gone, it will only be you and me. You and me brother, we are meant to this forever.
Mah: I love you brother.
Mic: I love you too.


This was Me and My Conversations With Michael.

With All My Might,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
