(Parenting) -- How to weigh whether to have another child -- and what to know about raising an "only"

Couples feel more pressure to have second child than first, says one expert.

My husband and I decided to be a one-child family long before our son Oliver was born. With several years of reproductive-health scares behind me, conceiving a child felt like a Powerball win; I didn't need another chance at the jackpot.

Scott thought we could avoid the inevitable slings and arrows of sibling warfare. We both hail from large families, in which continuation of the family name is assured through siblings and cousins.

We were content with our decision, and our families took it well, too. A few months after Oliver was born, I bagged up my maternity clothes for a tag sale, and Scott started researching permanent birth-control options.

But one afternoon while absentmindedly sorting through blue and green baby clothes, the thought hit me like a punch: "I'll never sort through pink clothes." For years I'd imagined myself the mom of a daughter. After all, it had been a popular refrain throughout my adolescence ("I'll never tell my daughter what I think about her clothes," I'd intone to my mother). And I secretly hoped that my daughter would continue the tradition of attending my all-women alma mater.

It wasn't that I was disappointed with a son. To be honest, I was relieved the day we found out we were having a boy because I could work the experience of being the older sister to three younger brothers to the fullest.

Hearing the door clang shut on my fantasy daughter, however, made me doubt. When acquaintances asked, "So, are you having any more?" my voice quivered when I answered no.

A woman in my local mothers' group worried aloud, "How would you feel if something happened to Oliver and you didn't have any more children?" Did I really need another child as an insurance policy?

One night when the anxiety felt particularly overwhelming, I asked Scott, "Is it okay if we hold off on that vasectomy for a while?"

"It's normal to wonder if you're making the right choices and decisions, no matter how many kids you have," says Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of I'm OK, You're a Brat! Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood. "Even if you decided to have two or more children, you'd wonder if your life would have been easier with only one child."

Choosing to have one

Haseena Correia of Valley Stream, New York, mom to Zachary, 2, has long planned to have one child.

"Once I understood how much work it takes to have a career and raise a child at the same time, I pretty much decided one was all I could handle," she says. Correia says being a one-child family allows her the right balance.

"It gives me the joy of being a mother, but it's not too overwhelming to the point where I don't have any time for myself or my husband," she says.

Financial barriers were also a factor in their decision. "With a mortgage, skyrocketing taxes, and two cars, we have to be a two-income family. Having another child is financially just not an option for us," she says.

At some point, parents will need to ponder:

• Can we cope emotionally and physically with another child?

• How will we juggle another child with our jobs?

• Where do we want to be in three years? Five?

• How will another child affect our finances? What about our marriage?

• If we wait any longer to decide, will our choices be limited by our age?

There are social and emotional pressures to consider, too. "If your friends are having second -- and third -- children, you can feel left out
What factors did they consider? What are the issues to consider? What is a greater pressure than having a first child? what did the mom say What did some couples decide?
Financial barriers Can we cope emotionally and physically with another child? to have second "Once I understood how much work it takes to have a career and raise a child at the same time, I pretty much decided one was all I could handle," to be a one-child family
question: What factors did they consider?, answer: Financial barriers | question: What are the issues to consider?, answer: Can we cope emotionally and physically with another child? | question: What is a greater pressure than having a first child?, answer: to have second | question: what did the mom say, answer: "Once I understood how much work it takes to have a career and raise a child at the same time, I pretty much decided one was all I could handle," | question: What did some couples decide?, answer: to be a one-child family