A three-year-old arrived at A&E with a tummy bug. We couldn't save him
Of all the patient deaths I witnessed as a doctor, there is one that has stayed with me. He was three years old. I was 25. It was the sudden nature of his death that has made it the hardest to come to terms with. It wasn’t as the result of a major car accident, or a battle with cancer, or a long-term condition. He had had a tummy bug for a few days, but had otherwise been healthy.
Turning away from his small body was one of the hardest things I ever had to do as a doctor
The day he died was the first day of my new job rotation in paediatrics. As a foundation doctor who had graduated from medical school 18 months earlier, I was still getting used to moving on to a new specialty every four months. I had been assigned the emergency pager that day, meaning that should a child become seriously unwell anywhere in the hospital, I would be expected to drop everything and run to wherever they were. I had hoped the pager would remain silent to give me a chance to get used to my new job. That wasn’t to be the case.
When the pager went off, I raced down to children’s A&E, along with several other colleagues. Entering the resuscitation room it was clear how poorly this little boy was. He had been brought in by ambulance after collapsing in front of his family. A senior team of doctors and nurses spent more than an hour trying to resuscitate him, before eventually deciding nothing more could be done. I watched one of the consultants, heavily pregnant herself, turn away from the team and bury her head in her hands to cry tears of sorrow, anger and frustration. The atmosphere in that room was one of profound sadness and unmistakable loss.
His parents, who had been advised to wait with a nurse in another room, then arrived. I cannot imagine the overwhelming shock and despair they must have felt when they were told to say goodbye to their son. I have always wondered if, and how, they eventually found peace. Turning away from his small body was one of the hardest things I ever had to do as a doctor. It felt unnatural and uncaring to leave him behind. Now I have a family of my own, that little boy has been a frequent reminder to hold my own children tighter and make sure they know how much they are loved.
It was a few weeks before we found out what had caused his death – bowel complications due to a stomach bug. That something so common and usually self-limiting could cause the death of an otherwise healthy child in the western world came as a shock to me as I began my career.
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In many respects this boy’s death shook the confidence I had in myself as a doctor. I went on to train as a GP, and it wasn’t the very poorly children who made me nervous, it was the children who appeared a bit off colour, but probably not due to anything serious. After advising worried parents that whatever it was would most likely resolve itself, I would often go home and hope that I was right. The thought of missing something serious is one of the greatest fears of most doctors, and it swiftly became mine. I always make sure my patients’ parents were aware of any warning signs of a worsening condition, and to seek medical advice more urgently if needed.
Many years on, the shock of this child’s rapid decline is what has stayed with me most vividly. I still feel so sorry we were unsuccessful with his resuscitation, and that by the time his parents were asked to come in and say goodbye, he had already died. He may not have known I was there, but I held his hand and tried to make sure he didn’t feel alone in his last moments. How I wish we could have saved him.
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