Comic Helen Lederer meets a reflexologist
Helen Lederer: Hannah's social life is totally different to mine at her age. She goes to a mixed school and has friends of both sexes, whereas I went to an all-girls school. I was 14 when I went to my first disco at the local boys' school. My best friend at that time already had a boyfriend and she told him to find someone for me. So I turned up at the dance to be greeted by this boy who said, "Hello, I'm Boris," and promptly stuck his tongue down my throat. I was in total shock for the rest of the evening.
That would never happen to Hannah or her friends. When I told people I was going clubbing they kept giving me advice, like not to leave my drink unattended but if I ever say anything like that to Hannah, she just rolls her eyes. She wouldn't dream of doing anything so stupid.
We got to the club quite early, about 9.30pm. I think that might have been a deliberate ploy on Hannah's part but I don't blame her. It can't have been easy for her, having her mother tag along.
Have said that, as soon as we arrived I bumped into someone I used to know from Jongleurs comedy club so we sat and chatted to him and then we were joined by this amazing woman who seemed to think we knew each other. It took me ages to work out who she was, which wasn't that surprising really. She was a friend of Hannah's from primary school. I hadn't seen her since she was 11.
Then we got up and had a look around. I couldn't get over how beautiful everyone was. Where have all the ugly people gone? Maybe it's because people are prepared to spend more on dental care these days, although it might have been just that it was very dark.
I thought the club had a great vibe, although I've always been very comfortable in dimly lit places with music and lots of people drinking, so it wasn't too much of a stretch. However, we didn't venture on to the dance floor. That would have been a step too far. The idea of a mother and daughter dancing round their handbags together is completely grotesque.
It was great to have the opportunity to see Hannah out with her friends. I don't think I'll ever really stop worrying about her when she's out, but as everyone was so friendly, no one was shooting up and there didn't appear to be any weapons, I left feeling quite reassured.
I've always loved having my feet pummelled. The great thing about reflexology is that you can feel all the veins and gristle being crunched, and at the end of it you feel like you've done a work out but all you've done is lie there.
Ali, the reflexologist, could tell from pressing on my feet that I ought to breathe more, which is actually very relevant as I'm currently rehearsing a play and I've been thinking a lot about my voice and how I breathe. She also said that my liver was a bit congested and I have to admit, I do enjoy good food and wine and I even write about wine now so a life of abstinence would be very difficult but hopefully the reflexology has mitigated a bit of the damage.
Hannah Lederer Alton: Ali was brilliant. I've got a real complex about my feet, I really hate them, and I'm quite sceptical about things like aromatherapy so I didn't see how I could possibly enjoy reflexology at all, but it was fantastic. I was really impressed because just by feeling my feet Ali could tell that I had a really stiff neck. I started off asking her lots of questions about how reflexology works but it was so relaxing I went off into a dreamlike state.
My friends all laughed when I told them that Mum was coming out with us, but they didn't mind too much. It's not like she's an old hag or really strict. She gets on really well with my friends.
I've been out with Mum a couple of times and we've had a great time but we've always been to places where we've both known lots of people, but the club is very much my territory. As the time to go to the club got nearer, I thought, "This is going to be horrible."
For Mum's sake, I decided we ought to go somewhere vaguely civilised where there's somewhere to sit and talk as well as dance. Some of the clubs I go to don't get going until 1am and I'll be on my feet for five hours, and I didn't think Mum could have handled that.
I did feel quite awkward when we first arrived because there were loads of people I knew. I found somewhere to sit where we weren't too conspicuous but I could still see who was coming in. But then my friends started to arrive and everything was fine.
We're both pretty outgoing, and I could tell she was enjoying herself but I never left her on her own. She didn't embarrass me at all. She looked very cool in her Topshop dress and leggings, although I'm a bit taller than her anyway, and as I was wearing high heels, I towered over her. It felt a bit like being out with one of Santa's little helpers.
We did have fun but next time I think we'll go somewhere where I don't know quite so many people.
· Helen and Hannah were visited at home by the reflexologist Ali Norell, www.heelyoursole.co.uk, 07802 589630. The Association of Reflexologists, 0870 5673320, www.aor.org.uk.. Helen Lederer is in Wake Up and Smell the Coffee at the New End Theatre, Hampstead from April 4 to 22, 0870 0332733, www.newendtheatre.co.uk