Is the 25th Bond film the most cursed production of all time?
Name: The Curse of Bond 25.
Appearance: Disastrous.
Age: Until recently, dormant.
What do you mean? So this coming Bond film is the 25th, right? As long as we don’t count Never Say Never Again and that weird 1960s sex-comedy with David Niven.
Let’s not. Well, it has been cursed since Daniel Craig said “I’d rather slash my wrists” than make another one. He even added: “If I did another Bond movie, it would only be for the money.”
You mean there’s another reason? Some people care about their work, you know. Last week, the Sun reported that Grace Jones walked off the Bond set at Pinewood Studios after discovering that she had only a few lines.
OK, but that’s not a curse, that’s Grace Jones. She is artistic temperament in human form. True, though it has spoiled what would have been a fun comeback after A View to a Kill.
Is that the best you’ve got? While The Island of Dr Moreau was being made, Bruce Willis got divorced (as did his replacement, Val Kilmer), Marlon Brando’s daughter died and just about everybody else was either fired or tried to walk out. We may not be at that level yet, but the director Danny Boyle pulled out last August over “creative differences”, making this the longest gap between two movies with the same Bond.
If you don’t count Never Say Never Again … I thought we were clear about that. There is also Shatterhand, widely rumoured to be the film’s extremely silly name, until the lead producer, Barbara Broccoli, debunked that in March.
“Barbara Broccoli” isn’t exactly the most sensible name I’ve ever heard. Then, in May, Craig injured himself running, which required ankle surgery.
Look, when Terry Gilliam was filming The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, a flash flood washed away half their equipment on the second day. Last month there was an explosion on set.
Aren’t there supposed to be explosions on the set of the Bond movies? Yes, but this one was slightly larger than expected. Someone got hurt, and the Health and Safety Executive took an interest.
People involved with Superman and Poltergeist kept dying! Well, maybe Bond 25 is more of a persistent irritation than a curse.
Do say: “The only way to lift this evil spell is if Sean Connery drinks seven martinis from a bowler hat inside a hollow volcano.”
Don’t say: “Perhaps the real curse is continuing to make Bond movies.”