Pass notes: Charles Bronson
Age:
Weight:
"210lb of muscle" (35lb less than in 1999).
Appearance:
Frightening.
Address:
HMP Woodhill, Milton Keynes.
I assumed he lived in LA, like most movie stars.
Ah, an easy mistake to make. You are thinking of the grizzled veteran of Death Wish I-IV, Assassination and The Evil That Men Do. I am thinking of the armed robber, serial hostage-taker and inveterate self-publicist who has spent 24 of the last 28 years banged up in British prisons, mostly in solitary confinement.
How odd that they should have the same name.
The criminal Mr Bronson was christened Michael Peterson, but found the name a drawback in the hard-bitten world of armed robbery and serial hostage-taking.
And what has Mr Bronson done now? Robbed another bank, grabbed a governor?
Not recently, but he is about to publish a health and fitness book called Solitary Fitness.
What's the pitch?
Forget gyms and personal trainers; throw away the vitamin supplements; look at what I've achieved in a 12ft x 8ft space.
The hard cell, eh.
That's three months in solitary for you.
What diet does he recommend - porridge?
Yes, actually, but plenty of salads too, a gallon of water a day and only one cup of tea.
Does he use weights?
No, he prefers to pick up his fellow inmates during his brief periods of contact with them ("With their permission of course").
Of course. He does lots of press-ups, presumably.
Up to 3,000 a day.
Not to be confused with:
The much more intimidating Vanessa Feltz.
Do say:
"We can all be fat lazy bastards, it's our choice. If you stuff your face with shit, you become shit. That's logical to me."
Don't say:
"Charlie, your book didn't really work for me. Any chance of my money back?"