Go Nixon! Cynthia to run as New York governor
Name: Cynthia Nixon.
Age: 51.
Appearance: Rumoured, now confirmed.
As what? Democrat candidate running for governor of New York.
Ooh, ’citing! Who’s she running against? Fellow Democrat Andrew Cuomo.
Thumbnail sketch of him, please. I live in a ditch. He’s a two-term incumbent, son of a three-term governor and has a $30m campaign fund at his disposal.
So she, I presume, has been a three-term incumbent somewhere, is the daughter of a senator and has a $60m campaign fund at her disposal? No. She’s Cynthia Nixon.
Who? You really do live in a ditch. OK: she played Miranda Hobbes in Sex and the City.
Umm … A wildly popular television series that ran from 1998 to 2004 and was followed by two execrable films that are never talked about in polite company.
No, wait – I know. The redhead. That show got everywhere. So she’s going to run on star power? At least in part. But it might backfire.
How so? People are worried that the time is not right for another celebrity politician.
We’re talking about that other redhead now, aren’t we? The dick à l’orange in the White House? The very same. It’s a crossover episode that is not working out well, especially as far as New York liberals are concerned.
Does she have any non-celebrity credentials? She has been an education activist for years, but has never run for elected office. Her wife, Christine Marinoni, recently stepped down from her job in the administration of New York mayor Bill de Blasio.
Oh, that’s right: she came out a few years ago, didn’t she? Yes. If she’s elected, she will be the first female and first openly gay governor of New York.
What platform is she running on, if not I Used to Play a Gutsy But Vulnerable and Increasingly Relatable Manhattan Lawyer on TV? Her website suggests that she will be coming at the “centrist and Albany insider” Cuomo from the left, and attacking him for his “inhumane budgets”, for “selling New York off to the highest bidder” and for not sorting out the increasingly decrepit New York subway system.
Is this the time to be disrupting any Democrat vote, though? It’s not really the time to be doing anything but stockpiling canned goods, gold and cyanide capsules, but we carry on, don’t we? We carry on.
Do say: “Go Nixon! Not Richard – Cynthia!”
Don’t say: “Why did they never get your hair right on Sex and the City?”