A moment that changed me: I stopped speaking at 19 – and found my artistic voice
As a teenager living near Busan, South Korea, I felt that the everyday noises around me were like a battlefield. When I was 17, I started wearing headphones to escape. I was 19 when I decided to stop speaking. People never listened anyway.
In South Korea we graduate when we’re 20. Despite my silence, friends at school valued me as a listener. We communicated through nods and gestures. Growing up, I felt trapped because I couldn’t express my emotions. Now, without words, I felt inspired.
I became obsessed with music. I loved the Smiths, David Bowie and Björk. Kid A by Radiohead brought me peace amid the chaos. I listened to it on repeat, distancing myself from reality.
I became deeply introspective. Oscar Wilde’s books helped to ground me. Sometimes, I felt lethargic and couldn’t get out of bed. My parents took me to see therapists and doctors who spoke to me about depression.
I watched films non-stop, escaping into the directors’ worlds. I distanced myself from people who weren’t interested in art. The inner outbursts of anger I felt sometimes started to die out.
I started to communicate via text messages. Unlike spoken words, these can be edited. I moved to Seoul and began working part-time at a club when I was 22. There I met like-minded people who loved art. Finally, I began to speak a little.
I’m still afraid of speaking and find it difficult to get close to new people. I try not to reveal too much about myself. I have a new career as an illustrator. Moving away from my family and living on my own has helped me to break out of my shell.
During the years that I was mute, I witnessed the power of art. I still prefer texting over speaking and express my feelings through my drawing. It silences the noise and has helped me to heal.
I Need Art: Reality Isn’t Enough: An Illustrated Memoir by Henn Kim is out now (Bloomsbury, £16.99). To support the Guardian and Observer order your copy from guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.
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