Slow dumping: the breakup tactic it is best to avoid
Name: Slow dumping.
Age: The term may be new, but slow dumping has been going on for ever.
What is it? I’m really hoping it isn’t to do with the digestive process? No! Dumping as in ending a relationship.
Phew! And slow as in the opposite of fast? Exactly.
Not unlike the slow fade? That’s more about pulling away gradually during dating. A slow dump happens in an established relationship.
Let them down gradually, so it’s not a sudden blow? Not exactly. It’s when one partner distances themselves, physically and emotionally, from a romantic relationship, rather than openly communicating a desire to end it.
Hmm, put like that, it doesn’t sound like such a good thing. “It’s a passive and cowardly way of ending a relationship that can be very hurtful for the receiver,” Nia Williams told Metro.
And Nia knows because? Because she is founder of a dating coaching service called Miss Date Doctor.
Is it best just to send a text: “u r dumped”? No. Although Katy Perry says that Russell Brand ended their relationship by text. And Simon Cowell, Ariana Grande and Charlie Sheen have all claimed they have been dumped by text.
And Daniel Day-Lewis? No, he was the dumper, not the dumpee, and it was by fax, which is a way of communication from the olden days. Phil Collins, incidentally, denies breaking up with his wife by fax.
Still, rather that than a ghosting, or one of these so-called slow dumps. Out of interest, how do you know if it is happening to you? Asking for a friend … The signs of a slow dump can include reduced communication, avoiding quality time together, emotional detachment and a growing sense of distance.
Now I’m worried. Aren’t they just symptoms of a relationship that has been going on for a while? They can happen naturally, and can “also be symptomatic of personal stress, anxiety, depression, or other issues in the relationship that need addressing”, says Williams.
“Addressing.” I’m guessing that’s the key, right? Right. Don’t jump to conclusions if your partner seems to be withdrawing from you. “It’s crucial to initiate an open and honest conversation,” says Williams. “Express your concerns and feelings and seek clarity about the state of the relationship.”
But what if that is what’s going on, and I am – I mean my friend is – being slow dumped? It’s probably better to know. Also, look on the bright side: they are a cruel coward (and they are almost certainly cheating on you). You’re better off without them.
Do say: “There are plenty more fish in the sea ...”
Don’t say: “Actually, there aren’t, haven’t you seen Seaspiracy?”