Who is Nicky Morgan? Well, at least she isn't Michael Gove
Name: Nicky Morgan.
Age: 41
Appearance: Untrendy and proud of it.
Who is he? She.
Sorry, who is she? She's the new education secretary – or "sexretary", as the BBC's Nick Robinson initially announced it.
Oh dear. I suppose the mere mention of a woman in this government is enough to get some people overexcited. Indeed it is. Until this reshuffle, there were just three at cabinet level out of a possible 22. David Cameron is clearly determined to establish his party's core message in time for next year's election: that Tories are sometimes women.
And what qualifies Morgan for the job, apart from being a woman? She's not Michael Gove.
Quite an achievement. And that's important for the job, is it? Very. The outgoing education secretary was certainly a clever politician with a clear plan, but he fell out with fellow ministers, civil servants, educationists and pretty much the entire teaching profession.
That doesn't sound like clever politics to me. Perhaps not.
And who hates Morgan? Hardly anyone so far. She was only elected MP for Loughborough in 2010, and has since then climbed very rapidly – from assistant whip, to economic secretary to the Treasury, to minister for women.
Still, both a woman and not Michael Gove. You can see why her star is rising. Absolutely.
Is there anything else you can tell me about this new broom who promises to unite a privileged government with its people? She's a corporate lawyer from Surrey who was head girl at her private school, Surbiton High, before studying law at Oxford.
Right. The phrase "a breath of fresh air" isn't springing to mind. She has a six-year-old son, was previously a school governor, and is a serious Christian who voted against gay marriage. When she was made minister for women, they had to remove "and equalities" from the title. Now Cameron has given it back to her, but put someone else in charge of the whole gay marriage thing.
Still, Morgan is not Michael Gove, remember? Good point. Although she did vote for all of his education reforms.
Oh. But let's give her a chance, eh?
Do say: "It can't be nice to be called a 'sexretary' on your first day in your new job."
Don't say: "The last guy got called a lot worse."