What I see in the mirror: Angus Deayton
When I look in the mirror, I tend to concentrate on the faults. Although I've been told I have "quite nice eyes" and long eyelashes - completely wasted on a man - all I see are the wrinkles, the spots, the moles, the receding hairline and the "weak jawline", as my then-girlfriend put it when I was 19. Under her direction I grew a beard for eight years to cover the defect and, as a result, throughout my adult life, have always looked about 40.
For years, those eyes were nicely underpinned by a pair of trademark "bags", or "large holdalls" as they've become. I know you can have surgery to get rid of them, but if I were to start having operations on my face, frankly, where would I stop? If I did, though, I'd probably have my nose reduced by three or four inches. Large hooters are a family trait on my father's side, as my mother never tires of reminding us. While I was at it, I could, of course, have my jawline strengthened - if that's a recognised procedure.
As for my body, I suffer from what my mother calls "Scottish legs": solid, well-built, ideal for curling - but not exactly lithe. At 5ft 10in, I'm bog-standard height, but everyone assumes I'm taller because I have a long torso, which gives the impression of height from behind a desk. I try to play football twice a week, otherwise the love handles and beer belly reappear like old friends.
I occasionally have to do nude scenes, most recently in Nighty Night. Three weeks before the shoot, I hired a personal trainer, signed up to a gym - then wussed out and got them to book a body double.