Why Trinny Woodall has Charles Saatchi to thank for her return to fame
Name: Sarah-Jane Woodall
Age: 49.
Appearance: The tall woman who used to bother women in changing rooms.
Sarah-Jane who? Sarah-Jane Woodall. Better known to the public by her nickname Trinny.
As in "Trinny and Susannah"? That Trinny, yes. Although the former fashion gurus have been off the airwaves for quite a few years now.
Really? Really. After shooting to fame with What Not To Wear on the BBC, the pair jumped ship to ITV. But their belly-poking, bra-pinging shenanigans eventually began to wear thin, and their new show came to an end in 2007.
So what has Trinny done to make it back into the public eye? She's been spotted dating and generally clambering on Charles Saatchi.
The advertising guy? That Charles Saatchi, yes. The expert in presenting yourself to the public.
The one who was photographed with his hand round his then-wife Nigella Lawson's throat at Scott's in Mayfair? That's him. He called it "a playful tiff", but later accepted the resulting police caution. Lawson cited his "unreasonable behaviour" as grounds for divorce, and the pair finalised their split in July.
When Trinny pounced? Well, we don't know who pounced and who was pounced upon, but they were seen together two months later.
Do they have anything in common? One thing in particular: in their own ways, both are notoriously shy. Saatchi is famous for not attending even his own launches and events, and Trinny was an alcoholic and drug addict in her early 20s, which she puts down to cripplingly low self-confidence.
Ah. So I assume they've been keeping their fledgling love affair behind closed doors? You would think so. But for some reason they keep returning to the scene of the crime. The pair have dined at Scott's in Mayfair at least six times since they were first spotted out and about together.
Why would they possibly want to eat there? Who knows? Maybe the lobster's just so good it's worth the awkwardness.
Do say: "Hello! We are Trinny and Susaatchi …"
Don't say: "… and you're watching Where Not To Eat."