(CNN) -- Raised steins, raised bosoms, leather-clad Bavarian thighs. Oktoberfest's sure got a beer tent full of clichés about it. But bet you don't know why "Gemütlichkeit" is untranslatable (let alone unpronounceable), what false teeth were doing in the lost property bin last year and whether the yodeling or oompah tent would best suit your personality. Read on, Lieblings. Bavaria's biggest beer love-in kicks off in Munich on Saturday, September 21, and runs through October 6. 1. Gird your bosom, hitch those hosen Worried that squeezing into a bosom-lifting dirndl or a pair of skin-tight lederhosen will make you look ridiculous?
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Don't worry about looking ridiculous in lederhosen: everyone does
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Be prepared to sing along in voluble if not terribly accurate German
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Choose your "personality tent"
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Discover which way a virgin wears her dirndl bow
Luckily, Oktoberfest food -- make that @placeholder food, in general -- seems designed to protect the stomach, and reputation, against excessive wheat beer consumption.