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Damn him. Damn them. Damn it all.
The orange glow, ambient heat and the roaring sound of waves of molten rock crashing against energy shields seemed the perfect backdrop for his inner turmoil.
The corpses of the Trade Federation leaders had been fed into the rivers of lava, and cleaning droids were scouring the control room, removing every trace of the brief struggle. No, the massacre. He had personally retrieved the security footage and deleted anything that might seem incriminating. To the galaxy at large, the story would be that the backers of the Seperatist movement, the men who had supported Count Dooku in his ill-conceived crusade, had simply... vanished... when their defeat had become inevitable. They would be far from the first war criminals to go into exile to escape the repercussions of their actions.
The people of the new Galactic Empire would moan and complain about the troublemakers having escaped justice. But there would be peace. Thanks to him. Why did that particular thought make him want to jump the railing and cast himself into the fiery sea?
Search your feelings, Anakin. Before you can control them, you must know them. And to know them, you must first be able to name them.Do not try to put them into perspective, or make them presentable before you do. That way lies only delusion. Face them without fear, and they lose much of their power. Then you can decide what you must do about them with a clear head.
One of the few lessons Qui-Gon had managed to impart aboard the Nubian before they returned to Naboo all those years ago. Name your feelings.
Fear, of course. He was afraid. So much was changing, and he had never handled change well. The war had become his home. He had had an enemy, an objective, and a way to prove his strength and courage. It had made him a hero. Now he would have to find a new way, and that was terrifying. And even with Emperor Palpatine's reassurances, he still feared for Padme.
Guilt. However just the cause, he had betrayed much of what he had come to value, and the principles of many whom he loved. Oaths he had sworn, that had once granted him strength and comfort. It would be difficult... and painful... to reconcile everyone and everything he would need to to go on. Perhaps even impossible. The screams of the Jedi in the temple still rang in his ears. Maybe they always would.
Anger. The only reason any of this was happening was because of the failings of others. The bureaucrats of the Republic had failed to negotiate or compromise or even admit culpability, and forced him, Palpatine and Padme to shoulder the burdens of the galaxy alone. The Jedi Council had failed to resist corruption, and had threatened everything he held dear out of sheer spite and lust for control. Everything had been falling apart because people kept refusing to follow the law, and do their duty instead of pursuing their own interests.
So what must he do? He must trust Palpatine and Padme to know what was best, and would follow their lead. The three of them, together? They could make the Empire great. Make it fair. Make it prosperous. Make it a place where no slave boy would ever have to fear his mother being captured and tortured by Sand People again. That wastheirduty. The time for selfishness and indignation was over. It had to be. Or everything would have been for nothing.
When he returned to Cosruscant, he would make it so.
Anakin's ruminations were cut short by a movement out of the corner of his eye, a reflection in the dark sky. For a moment he thought his mind was playing a trick on him, until he recognized the shape. It sent a jerk of happiness and apprehension through him, and he wasted no time in running to the landing pad as it descended. Suddenly, the only thing he could think about, the only thing in the universe that mattered, was holding her in his arms again.
He stopped before the ship, her Nubian, as graceful as the first time he had seen it in the desert under a blue sky, waiting for it to lower the ramp. Ready to take him to the stars, along with its angel. His hair was disheveled, and a shadow of stubble ghosted his jaw after the past few days. Dark rings circled his eyes, and while genuine, his smile of anticipation seemed... brittle. Too sharp around the edges.
Nonetheless, his shoulders were squared and his jaw was set. Anyone who knew him could see the new determination in his eyes. He would do this, and do it right. And damn the galaxy to hell if he would allow himself to lose her along the way.
gpt
Padm gripped the controls with a hold of iron as stars streaked past the viewport. She could have relinquished her hold on them shortly after breaking Coruscant's atmosphere had she wished, what with the auto-pilot feature and Threepio to guide the Nabooian craft to Mustafar. Mustafar; she'd never been and never imagined she would ever have any need to venture to the industrial planet. It didn't make sense as to why Anakin would be there other than on an assignment for the Republic. Did he even know that the Republic was no more?
According to Obi-Wan, Anakin knew better than anyone what was going on.Younglings....surely it couldn't be true?
"Mistress?"
The prim voice of Threepio woke her from her reverie. She snapped into action and assisted in landing the ship on the landing pad below them. The sight of the river of lava sent an icy shiver down her back. Whatever the reason Anakin was on this forsaken planet, Padm felt it wasn't a good one. She took a moment to gather herself before exiting the cockpit. How she would broach the rumors that Obi-Wan had shared with her was lost on her. Putting the horrid deeds to words seemed a herculean task.
Yet, hadn't Anakin killed innocents before? More than once the massacre on Tatooine crept into her mind, having escaped the smothering grip she had on the memory.
"Stay with the ship Threepio," Padm ordered. She stood from the pilot's chair, holding onto the back of the co-pilot's for balance, and looked beyond the viewport. Her heart leaped in her chest at the sight of a familiar figure approaching the landing pad. Despite her misgivings Padm hastened off the craft and down the lowered ramp.
"Ani," she breathed, embracing him tightly. The two lives within her moved and kicked; perhaps they sensed their father.
"What are you doing here? Coruscant is in chaos. The Republic-" Her words dried up as she searched his hardened eyes.
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His heart skipped a beat when he saw her make her way down the ramp. As it always had, right since he was a child. Even in the ugly light of the fire, even with that expression of concern and fear on her face, she was the loveliest thing he had ever seen. Her skin radiant, her posture straight and dignified as befitted a Queen and a Senator.
Anakin didn't hesitate for a moment to wrap his arms around her, careful of her growing belly which seemed even more pronounced than it had just a few days ago. He held her, tightly. Desperately. Buried his face in her hair and breathed her in, as though her presence was an oasis after far too long trekking through the desert, losing one's mind.
Everything would be okay now.
She broke the embrace and pulled away far too quickly, and the look of disbelief and doubt in her face hurt him in a way nothing had prepared him for.
"The Republic is no more. I know." he said, refusing to let his voice quiver. He had done this, and he would not hide from it. "The war is over, Padm. I know it's... scary. To see things changing so quickly. But Palpatine wants peace. Order. He's going to need our help. It's the only way. The only one that makes sense."
His voice held conviction, but the desperation in his grip around her shoulders had not faded.
gpt
Padm swallowed past the lump in her throat when Anakin affirmed the news about the Republic. "He's dissolved the Republic," she reminded him. "And declared himself emperor. How could that bring about peace? How many voices will be silenced because of this?" Her hands moved to his face, palms flat against Anakin's cheeks. "Let's go home, Ani, to Naboo just like we planned." It was foolish to think they could hide away on her beloved home planet and avoid the insanity that would follow the shift of the Republic to the Empire. Still, she couldn't help but hope for simpler and safer times.
She let her hands smooth down his shoulders to his biceps, letting them rest there. She gathered her strength and posed the next question. "Obi-Wan told me....terrible things. The-" Her words cut off as she met his eyes. "The younglings, Ani? Please tell me it isn't true. I can't-"
Padm couldn't picture him putting the young Jedi to his lightsaber without regret. How could he, when he was due to be a father withing weeks.
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"The Republicwantsto be dissolved, Padm." Anakin said, a note of gentleness in his words. "Even if it offends your sensibilities. I may be an idiot child when it comes to politics compared to you or him, but I've been out there, on campaign. On the battlefields. I've seen what all the holo-shuffling and talking and money-grubbing has lead to. We all know that things can't go on like this. And it's the right of people in a democracy to unite behind a strong leader when the need arises. Come what may. It has to be."
He squeezed her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes. Trying to force her to understand. "He'll need us, Padm. You more than me. He needs you to help ensure that itdoeslead to peace. That it isn't the end of everything we've been fighting for. I know you can do that. And we can't hide from it. We'll go to Naboo to have our children. But first we must go back to Coruscant and do our duty."
Her mention of Obi-Wan and the younglings broke his stride and his chain of logic, forcing him to release her and take a step back, drawing a deep breath. So Obi-Wan was alive after all. He had figured as much, but the confirmation still shook him. The realization of what his master must have felt, seeing what he had done.
"It's not true. You can't listen to him, Padm. I know he's our friend, but he has always been a Jedi first. You know that. And the Jedi turned against us. Please, don't let him turn you against us." He felt like he was lying to her, even though he wasn't. He had sworn to his new master to keep the younglings a secret. But he would not let her believe that he would hurt a child, even to save the galaxy.
gpt
Padm rolled her eyes in exasperation when he put himself down regarding his capacity for politics. The issue with her husband and politics was that he didn't have patience for the democratic system, flawed as it was. She'd expressed as such to him multiple times yet they still didn't see eye to eye. "They're saying he's a Sith, Anakin," she stated as she was forced to meet his gaze. "How could you stand behind someone like that? I'm not so knowledgeable about the Force or anything like that, but isn't he against all that you and the others stand for?" The others; most of the Jedi had been killed already on the order of the emperor. She had a sad suspicion that few remained alive besides Obi-Wan.
Padm bit her lip as her eyes grew blurry with tears. She was never one to give into emotions yet one of the effects of her pregnancy was unstable emotions. The week prior she'd dropped a robe and Dorm had found her sobbing, unable to bend down to retrieve it. "He said there was proof, Anakin. You know I've stood by you during every dark moment thus far." The massacre of the Tusken Raiders hung unsaid in the air.
"So why would he tell me that there's holo footage of you...." She couldn't say the words for the image they summoned was too horrific to describe.
"He wouldn't betray us," Padm reminded her husband. Her grip on his upper arms tightened as if to punctuate her statement. "He's like a father to you; he wouldn't lie."
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Anakin snapped back, angrily. "Yes, he's a Sith, but he still wants what is best for the galaxy just as you do. And it's a moot point regardless. You're not listening to me.He's already won, Padm. The Jedi could not stop him before, and I can't stop him now. He has the clone troopers. My men. And the support of the people. Theonlything we can do now is help him prevent further war. It's the only to make a better world, and it's the only way you'll live!"
His hands found hers again, squeezing them, even his metal fingers holding her gently, as he always had. "Please, Padme. The younglings are safe, I promise you. He would never order me to do something like that. Obi-Wan is misguided, and I'll save him too if I can. Come with me to Coruscant when He summons me. Let me show you that he means for us to rule alongside him in a prosperous and peaceful galaxy. Perhaps when I'm powerful enough... when you and our children are safe... perhaps we can hold him to account and move the Empire in the direction you want..."
He was getting desperate. Foresight had never been his strong suit, but he could see it now, clear as day. Two possible futures. One where he convinced her to follow him, to submit to Palpatine and help him try to build the world they wanted out of the darkness his new master had brought to their destinies. And another path. One that lead only to darkness and pain, loss and madness, and a galaxy in ruins. The deaths of trillions.
Helpless before this vision, he fell to one knee, looking up at her, his hands clutching hers. He brought them to his mouth, kissing them each. It was a gesture of helpless supplication. Their fate was in her hands, and his eyes implored her to think about her own safety for once. To make the hard decision and salvage what she could, instead of standing on her principles and doing the right thing until it all fell to pieces around them.
"Please, Padm. I can't go on without you. I don't.. I'm so... afraid... of what I'll become if I lose you. Don't do this to me. I beg you."