^*1 a %x ml
11 i.. . . P|| pi
- * -• ' * kt * ~ ^ «#1
gcvotrtl to gnvis, golitiw. gujvicnliuvc, Social grogms, Education. the ami Science's, Manufacturing. Commerrr, gtmujsnuent, &r.
___ _ ^ __ ■• USTABhTBlIRD SEPTEMBKH. 180A. ___...... - ---•——____—
E. H, POE, Proprietor. “VERITAS OMNIPOTENS." J. H. BALDING, Publisher.
VOLUME 1. IDES Ai.RO, ARKANSAS, DECEMBER 33, 1866. NUMBER 43.
. --— ■ - - -- - -..1... - - -
The Des Arc Citizen, j
TERMS—$3 50 PER ANNUM \
PAYABLE IN ADVANCE.
RATES OE ADVERTISING.
One square (10 lines of this size type) for
one insertion. Si ; each additional insertion,
75 cents.
j~l in. | 2 m. | A m. ) ti in. |lyear.
IS,, no re ,s;J OU Q0,$9 00 $12 0(i $20 00
C Squares, G 00 9 00 11 OOj 14 00 25 00
q Smiares 9 00 11 00‘13 00 17 00 30 00
1 Column, 11 00 13 00 16 00 20 00 40 00
I Column 13 00 16 00 18 00 25 00 50 00
I c l 16 00 18 00 22 00 30 00 GO 00
1 Column, 19 00 21 00 27 00 35 00 70 00
Advertisers by the year will be restricted
to their legitimate business.
Personal communications charged double
the rates of regular advertisements.
Legal advertisements will be charged, for
one square or less, first insertion $1, and 75
cents per square for each additional insertion.
Advertisements not ordered for a specified
time, will be inserted till forbidden, and
charged for accordingly.
Ail advertising due after second insertion.
Our Job l’riuiln?? Department.
We have supplied ourselves with a good
assortment of Printing Material and are
ready to execute all kinds of Job Printing,
on reasonable terms.
We are prepared to print Pamphlets, Cata
logues, Posters, large or small, Cards, Ball
Tickets, Bill Heads, Blanks of every descrip- j
tion, for Clerks, Sheriffs, Justices of the j
Peace, Constables, &e. i
J. Sims ^Vlien,
Wholesale and Retail
-AND
£ ommisssiou pcrdiaut,
BJES ARC. ARKANSAS.
TTjr3 rihI will keep on hand a largo and good
Self .lion of
F ti rnitu r ©
1
Of Ml kinds, suitable for the market, which i
he offers on very reasonable terms. Also, a
lot of
I , I >1 E .
rn. r, EO. AV. V ADEN is doing business
]' 1 with .1. Sims Alien, and would res- !
pact fully inform his old friends and acquain
tances. ilint be is still alive and kicking at the
eld stand, and would be most happy to see all 1
of his old friends, renew acquaintances and
both start anew to fortune. Call, gentlemen,
1 promise to do you no harm—but think I can
make it to your interest to do so. jun2>5- 1
DES ARC
I SAIjOON 21
II T-f (): every one, that would have something
.1 J good for tlie inner man! Old Peach and
Honey, thofiuest Whiskey. Brandy, Mine and
Bitter- of every kind, fitted up and accommo
dated to tiie taste of tho
I MOST FASTIDIOUS.
Fresh Oysters, Sardines, Crackers, Cheese,
Nuts. Fine Cigars, Fine Tobacco, Apples,
Fruits, &e. In fact, everything pertaining or
belonging to a first class Saloon, may be
found on hand at the Des Alto Saloon, on
Buena Vista St., next door to Johnson & Da
vis' Drug Store. Call and see that is all so.
J. B. WILLIAMS.
Des Arc, November 3, 1866.—tf
livery and sale
STABLE,
POE & WEETnER,
WOODRUFF ST., - - - DES ARC,
(near the “citizen office.’')
fpIIIO TRAVELING PUB
Hors of this Stable always prepared to turnisli
HACKS, BUGGIES and HORSES to go to
any paid, of the country. Horses boarded by
the day, week or mouth,
oc20tf. POE & WELLER.
HMD WICK HOUSEr
;K0’S. 61, 63 AND 65 ADAMS STREET,
MEMPHIS, TEW.
thie proprietors tender many thanks to the
i-*- public for the liberal patronage extended
F°. them for the past year. The house has
pithin tho past few months been thoroughly
pcnovatecl, Painted and Furnished.
! The House is nuw open to tho public at. the
fallowing rates:
transient, per dnv,.8 3 00
I;1' Week..Sis on
l1'1' Month.$60 00
Board Per Month,.$35 00 j
OFEX AT ALL HOCKS.
I _ __ HARDWICK A- NCAI.IS,
c,-<-3m Proprietors.
DES ARC ADVERTISE DENTS.
R. 0, GrLL, J, 0. GILL,
G I L L & B 110.,
Des .A_rk.5
HAVE JUST RECEIVED TIIEII
NEW STOCK OP
FALL AND WINTER
GOODS,
CONSISTING OF LADIES & GENTS
DRESS GOODS,
OF ALL KINDS,
Hats, Cap:, Boots, Shoes,
LADIES CLOAKS AND HATS,
Clothing, IVotions, Fancy Wliite
GOODS
OF ALL DESCRIPTIONS,
Usually kept in Dry Goods Houses. Also a
nice lot of
FAMILY GROCERIES,
Qucensware, Hollow-Ware, Hardware,'
Glassware, &c., &., &c.
Wc take the greatest pleasure in showing
>ur stock, and furnishing a list of prices to
he public, so they may be their own judges
is to where they can get the best bargains.
*#*We will pay the highest market prices
'or all kinds of Country Produce and Cotton,
[’lease give us a call before purchasing else
vliere.
octg- GILL & BKO.
flazcn & McPherson,
Des Arc, AlbIv.
HAVING purchased the entire interest of
SSazen, Hlakeney & Co., would
•espectfully inform the public, that they arc
low receiving and opening, a most desirable
dock of
OLO T HI NG,
Boots and Slioess,
AND A GENERAL STOCK OF
a FL O C E RIBS.
These were nil purchased at the lowest fig
ires, and will be sold to their old customers,
ill good new ones, and cash buyers, as low as
iny well regulated House in the State.
The Ladies will find a full line of Goods—
landsorac, good and cheap. An extra bar
tain in Ladies’ Cloaks, Hats, and Dress
frimmings.
Be sure and give us a call, and we will
marantcc a pleasant and satisfactory trade.
We have on hand a good supply of Bagging
rad Rope, and in a few days will be in re
leipt of
iittcon, Ltml, Fisii. Clwesf. Su
gar, ( oll'te, Molasses. Candles.
<oap, looking Stoves, Castings,
Vnd in fact, almost every article usually sold
n this market.
HAZEN & McPlIERSOX.
Des Arc, October 5, 18(iG—oct8-tf
A WELL SELECTED STOCK OF
FRESH DRUGS,
MEDICINES AND CHEMICALS,
School Books and Stationery,
bunts, Oils, Dye-Stuffs, Window-Glass, Fer
‘umery, Patent Medicines, Wines, Brandies,
iVhiskey, for medicinal purposes.
Dromgoolc’s celebrated Southern Remedies,
nvariably for cash, at small profits.
jul21 BliRYEY &, BRO.
JO II NStiN & DAVIS,
Wholesale & Retail
DRUGGISTS,
DES ARC. ARKANSAS.
KEEP Oil hand a large assortment of Drugs,
Medicines, Paints, Oils, Perfumery,
Patent Medicines, Wines, Brandies, Whiskey,
for medical purposes, which wo will soil low
for cash. Prescriptions and orders filled
promptly. july21-tf
Des Arc Hotel,
la&OTtY & tlWMDS,
Proprietors.
rpHIS establishment is now opcu, for the
J_ reception of the
TRAYEEUVCi PIBLIC.
All persons having regard for convenience
xi.d comfort, would do well to give us a call
Our table will always be supplied with the
best that the market affords, feb28
FOR SALE!
A PORTABLE ENGINE AND BOILER
ONE Portable Engine and Boiler cyan
with all the fixtures. It is now in
good running order. A bargain can be?~^—™
had, by applying to Samuel Carr, Des Are
immediately. ocvP tf
VIRTUE.
The sturdy rock, for nil his strength.
By raging seas is rent in twain ;
The marble stone is pierced at length
With little drops of drizzling rain ;
The ox doth yield unto the yoke;
The steel obeyeth the hammer stroke.
Yea, man himself, unto whose will
All things are bounden to obey,
For all his wit, and worthy skill,
Doth fade at length and fall away.
There is no thing but time doth waste :
The heavens, the earth, consume at last.
But Virtue sits, triumphing still.
Upon the throne of glorious Fame ;
Though spite in Death man’s body kill,
Yet hurts he not his virtuous name ;
By life or death, whatso betides,
The state of Virtue never slides.
Brides.
A bride is the culmination of a moth
er's anxiety and the commencement ot
a ‘'husband's serious reflections. A
mother looks upon her daughter array
ed a bride as an arrow shot from her
household quiver at, that target of fe
male archery, man ; and, if the arrow
has made a fair hit, is prone to chuckle
over the shot as showing forth her
superior matronly skill. If, on the con
trary, the success is doubtful, then the
mother, like a bad archer, blames the.
arrow, the luck, anything, indeed, but
her own bad management.
Brides are divided into numerous
classes. P’or example: Sentimental
brides, who marry for love ; speculative
brides, who marry for money; anxious
brides, who marry for the sake of being
married; accommodating brides, who
marry because their lovers ask them to
marry; inquisitive brides, who marry
for curiosity; and invalid brides, who
marry to restore their health.
Sentimental brides are the most, nu
merous but not, the most happy of the
orange-wreatnea tribe. They are gen
erally young creatures, who revel in
poetical dreams connected with the
wearer of a love of a moustache, or the
possessor of a handsome nose, or ex
pressive eyes, or ail animated doll, who
can make pretty little speeches, grace
ful bows, or sing a pretty little song.
She'takes great' pride unto herself be
cause she married Charlie for his own
dear seif and not for his surroundings
—unaware that a man’s position in
society, his friends, and even his wealth
or poverty is as much a part of himself
total as the curl of his hair, the song he
sings, or the strut he affects, or even his
education. She generally finds,, when
the song is less brilliantly snug, the
moustache requires Christadora, the
head a wig, and the poetical speeches
are turned into matter of fact impera
tives, that the varnish is rubbed off, the
gloss removed, and Charlie is not the
man he used to be.
The money bride has made herself
an article of merchandise, and is to be
valued according to the price she ob
tains for herself. She belongs to every
condition of society, from her who
marries for social position, horses and
carriages, diamonds, houses and bank
account, to the work girl who marries
a one room home, and the privilege of
only half starving on her husband’s
petty weekly pittance. She generally
reaches the conclusion that she has
sold herself too cheap.
The health-seeking bride looks on
the marriage service as a prescription,
the parson as a doctor, and the husband
as the bolus administered for her ills—
a blue pill that must be swallowed,
however nauseous. She knows that
she is traveling on the road to death,
yet clinging to life, endeavors to throw
her burden on her lord! Flying from
the embraces of the worm, she is com
pelled to accept those of the bride
groom, one merely preiers ail eariniy
to an unearthly dwelling, the marriage
bed to the narrow house appointed for
all living. The honey-moon shines
through the apothecary bottles, and the
epithalamium is coughed in wheezy
periods.
The purchasing bride is generally an
old maid or widow, rvho, despairing of
being courted for her own sake, seeks
a husband through the medium of her
pecuniary charms. She generally lets
every one know, after marriage, that
she keeps the purse strings in her own
hands, and the young man—for this
class usually succeed in obtaining young
men—whom she has succeeded in en
trapping is highly and everlastingly
i indebted to her. The experience ot
such is usually the conclusion that they
have paid too dearly for their whistle.
The husband desiring bride is, per
haps, the most composed of all brides,
the least enthusiastic, and the most lik
ely to be happy. She marries because
it is iustinct with her, not because she
is particularly in love. So she is not so
apt lo he troubled with the pangs ol
jealousy, or sutler from disappointment
when she discovers that the bridegroom
is not much better than the average ot
men after all. She goes through the
days of courtship as a matter of course ;
wonders at the whims and caprices oi
sentimental girls; receives and accepts
rhe offer of marriage as a matter ol
course ; dons the bridal attire, and goes
through the whole fortnula of wedding
ceremonies or unceremonies as a matter
of course; performs all the duties and
submits to all the little vexatious o!
married life as a matter of course ; lives
a serene,'orderly and quiet life, and
dies respected and regretted by all whe
knew her, as a matter of course.
Readers Classified.—Coleridge thus
aptly classifies the reading world :
1. Sponges, who absorball they read
and return it in the same state, only a
j little dirtied.
2. Sand-glasses, who retain nothing
j and are content to get through a book
; for the sake of getting through the
| time.
i 3. Strain-bags, who retain merely
the dregs of what they read.
4. Moral diamonds, equally rare anci
! | profitable, who profit by what they
read, and enable others td profit by i<
1 al'o.
History of the Confederate Navy
One of (lie editors of this paper is on
deavoring to collect material for a worl
under the above title, anil has already
made some progress in that direction
He requests all late officers of tha
i branch of tho Con federate service, am
others connected with it, as well as offi
cers of the IT. S. navy, to send to tin
| Mobile Tribune office whatever in for
ination they may possess on the subject
The service performed by the lati
Confederate, navy was small comparer
with that, dsne by our glorious army
hut when we consider that (lie numhci
of men employed in the navy did noi
exceed that of a full brigade of the ar
my ; and that the sailor can do nothing
without the aid of the shipwright, wc
shall see that the deeds of our little
navy arc worthy of being put on re
cord—worthy the nation that rallied
ex masse to the standards of Lee, John
son and Beauregard. By this brigade
of Southern Seamen we saw accom
plished the battles by the Merrimac, the
Albemarle and the Tennessee; the
cruises of the Alabama, the Florida
the Georgia, the Shenandoah, etc., and
the daring expeditions of Wood. Felol
and “Taconey” Read. The writer ol
this wishes to embody the history ol
the whole in a brief and simple narra
tive.
Our editorial friends will confer a fa
vor on us by copying this in whole 01
in part.—[Mobile Tribune.
Abstinence of Roman Women.
The ancient Romans, in some res
pects, were in advance of the present
age in their practical physiological
knowledge. This was especially the
case in the habits of the women. They
seemed to be fully aware of the fact
that a hardy race must be borne ol
healthful mothers, and consequently
any usage or practice likely to affect in
juriously the health of women was
viewed by the State with suspicion.
! Thn vr.iio.il.ic n-.i'i. e.r.+iminli'.ifiliir ...In
cated. Frequent bathing was required
l)y law. Large bath-houses were estab
lished, which were places of common
resort. For several centuries of the
best ages of Itome, it was a Criminal of
fense fora Roman mother to drink in
toxicating liquors. At the time of our
Savior on earth, and for a long period
after, it was considered infamous for a
Roman to taste wine. For a guest to
offer a glass of wine to one of the wo
men of the household was looked upon
as an insult, as it implied a want ot
chastity on her part. History records
several deaths where they were put to
death by thoir husbands because they
smelt of “tomclum.” The consequence
of this physical training and abstinence
from all intoxicating liquor was that
the Romans were noted for their endu
rance and strength. Had wc the same
habits with our superior Christian civ
ilization. wc should astonish the world
by our physical health and strength.
fi®’" Wc see nothing in the recent
elections to occasion that despair which
tills the Southern heart. Disastrous as
were the recent elections, they show
that an overwhelming majority of the
people of the United States are oppos
ed to Radicalism, and hence the deter
mination of the dominant party to pre
vent Ihc vote of the Soutnern Skates
being counted in the next Presidential
election. According to the vote in
elections during the present year the
result would stand
Against thi! Radicals (North) 2,000.00(1
Against the Radicals (South) 1,500,000
Total.3,500,000
For the Radicals (North).2.400,000
For the Radicals (South). 100,000
Total.2,500,000
Anti-Radical majority.1,000,000
Tims it will be seen that there is :i
majority against the Radicals of oxh
million of votes. If this is a country
where majorities rule, at the next
Presidential election the Radicals will
be swept from power. In view of
these facts it is the duty of the Con
servatives to stand firm- They must
adhere with unwavering steadfastness
to their principles and their organiza
tion. When the Whigs were defeated
in 1811 did they despair or abandon
their organization ? Surely not. The
immortal Ci-.vv, in stirring’ words that
thrilled the hearts of his party, said:
“We will pick our flints and try again
and sure enough his party triumphed
at the next election. When the Dem
ocrats were vanquished in 18-10, they
only renewed the struggle with in
creased energy. The mends of the
Constitution and the Union should
profit by these noble examples. “The
sober second thought of the people i
alwuvs right.” Then let the friends ol
the Constitution and Union stand to
gether in one unbroken phalanx, rely
ing confidently on the wisdom of the
people, and with true faith place theii
trust in Providence.—[Memphis Ava
lanche.
A Fable—Not in 5sOp.
Two famous detectives once started
on the scent of a notorious burglar, and
nabbing their man, captured with him
an immense amount of plunder. “J
say, Sam, old fellow,” suggested out
of them, as he gloatingly gazed npor
the glittering pile before him, “let’s
turn bourglar, you see what a gooc
thing can be made of the business.’
“No,-Bill,” replied his companion
“the old woman always told me thai
honesty was the best policy, and I’ll
: stick to it.” Bill turned burglar, go!
rich, and was hanged. Sam kept ir
the old, beaten track of honesty, had
“the smile of the gods” upon him
prospered in all his Vrorldly affairs, and
finally saw Jack Ketch shuffle otTBiU’i
mortal coil.
8£g"-A bashful printer refused a situ
: ation in a printing office where female
I arc employed, saving he never set cj
with a giri in his life.
1
♦
, Delinquent?.
IIow many a moving appeal is di
rected to them. A Western editor gets
oil'about as good a one as is found,
. | which we copy for the benefit of those
, who may chance to have blanks after
! their names on our subscription books :
j “Hear us for our debts, and gel ready
j that you may pay ; trust ns. we have
need, as you have long been trusted;
acknowledge your indebtedness, and
dive into your pocket that you may
promptly fork over. If there lie any
among you—one single patron—that
don’t owe us something, then to him
we say step aside, you are a gentleman,
If the rest want to know why wo dun
them, this is our answer: Not that vve
care about ourselves, but because our
creditors do. Would you rather that
we went to jail, and you go free, than
you pay your debts and keep us mov
ing? As we agreed, we have worked
for you: as we contracted, wc have
furnished the paper i > you, but if you
don’t pay wc dun you. Here are
agreements for job work: contracts
for subscriptions; promises for long
credit, and duns for deferred payment.
Who is there so green that he don’t ad
vertise? If any, lot him slide, he ain’t
' (lie chap cither. Who is there so mean
that lie don’t pay the printers? Jfany,
let him speak, for lie’s the man we’re
after.
Swiss Bridal Custom.
I learned yesterday a bridal custom
of this region, so sensible and proper,
that I shall mention it to you for the :
benefit of the young folks at home.
The custom of making gifts to the
bride, prevails here as everywhere, but
it is better regulated. The bride makes
out a written list of things that site
will require in beginning to keep
house, especially those things that are
over and above vvliat would naturally
bo furnished by her friends, and one
ofthem says, “I will give her this,”
niwl inu rlra Hinl n a nt’nvi < 11Cm’ • mini li
cr will give her that, anil sometimes ;
two or three or more will combine ami j
furnish a more expensive present than !
any one would give alone.. Alter the
wedding, the couple usually start oil’
on an excursion, and on their return
they find their dwelling tilled, with
these presents, each marked with the
giver’s name. At the hotel where I
lodged in SI. (fallen, a bridal party of
the town had the wedding breakfast,
when I was there all the relatives and
friends making a larger party than a
private house could contain.
—— —•>«»•♦—■———•
Let Every Max Read This.—We
I have probably all of us met with in
stances in which a word heedlessly
spoken against the reputation of a
woman, lias been magnified by mali
cious minds until the cloud has become
dark enough to overshadow her whole
existence. To those who are accus
tomed, not necessarily from bad mo
tives, but from thoughtlessness to
speak light of females, we recommend
these hints as worthy of consideration :
I “Never use a lady's name in an im
| proper place, at an improper time, or
in mixed company. Never make as
sertions about tier you think untrue, or
! allusions that you feel she herself
would blush to hear.” Many a good
and worthy woman's character has
been forever ruined and heart broken
by a lie. manufactured by a villain, and
repeated where it should not have
been, and in flie presence of those
whose little judgment could not deter
them from circulating the foul and
fiendish report. Respect the name of
a woman, for your mother and sisters
were women ; and as you would have,
their fair uaiftc untarnished, and their
lives unembittered by slanderers' bit
ing tongues, heed the ill your own
words may bring upon the mother, the
sister, or the wife of some fellow
creature.
--
I
Button Holes on Both Sides.—A
gentleman in Charleston, who enter
tained a good deal of company at din
ner, had a hlack as an attendant. This
servant, who was a native of Africa,
could never be taught-to hand things
--to-th-e-1 cft (rf-tlie giirsf-s—rrl tirlriir. ATT
length his master thought of a plan
which he imagined would be infallible ;
and, as the coats were then worn in
Charleston single-breasted, in the pres
ent Quaker fashion, lie told him al
ways to hand the plate to the button
hole side. Unfortunately, however,
for the poor fellow, on the day after
lie had received this ingenious lesson,
there was among the guests at dinner
a foreign gentleman, with a double
| breasted coat, and he was for aw Idle
] completely at a stand. Lie looked first
j;tt one side of the gentleman's coat,
I then at the other, and finally, quite
confounded at the outlandish make of
! the stranger's garmenf. lie east a de
j spairing look at his master, and ex
claiming in a loud voice. “Buttons on
! both sides, lnasssa," handed fbo plate
right over flic gentleman's head.
- -♦<*><■- -
‘ Prayer is ever profitable: at
' night il is our covering; in the moru
I ing' it is our armor. Prayer should lie
j the key of the day and the lock of the
i night. Prayer sanctifies all our ac
tions. He is tested in Cod's service |
and protection, w ho makes it his first :
work to lie enrolled hv prayer, under
the standard of the Almighty, lie
entries mi assistant angel with him for ;
his help, who begs Ids benediction \
I from above; and without it lie is lame
, I and unarmed.—[Eclthuni.
6r^“'l'he Louisville Journal says: If
the South perish, let none think that
the ‘North can live. If one die. both
; will die. They are bound together by
! a ligament stronger, more vital, and
i j more irremovable than that of the
I twins of Siam. Let one become a dead
j body, and the ligament, decaying and
■ putrefying, day by day, back, hack,
; hack into the bowels and to the heart of
■'the still-living form, will soon finish
the work of rottenness and death.
Impolite Things.
Loud and boisterous laughter.
Reading when others ore talking.
Reading aloud in company without
being asked.
Talking when others are reading.
Spitting about the house, smoking or
chewing.
Cutting linger nails in company.
Leaving a church before public wor
ship is closed.
Chewing anything and despoiling
the tloor and walls of a church during
service or at any time.
Whispering and laughing in the
bouse of God.
Gazing rudely at, strangers on the
streets on elsewhere.
Turning your head or body in order
to see who enters the church.
Leaving a stranger without a seat.
A want of respect and reverence for
seniors.
To neglect the aged under any cir
cumstances.
Correcting older persons than your
self, especially parents.
Receiving presents without an ex
pression of gratit ude.
Making yourself the hero of your
own story.
Anticipating any ouc in what they
Wish to say.
Laughing at !hc mistakes of others.
Joking others in company.
Commencing talking before others
have finished speaking.
Answering questions that have been
put to others.
Commencing to cut as soon as you
get to the table.
Josh Billings on the Mule.
'l'ho mule is half boss, and half jackass,
and then dims to a full stop; nature
diskovered her mistake. Tha weigh
more akordin to their heft than enny
other kreeter, except a crowbar. Tha
kant hear enny quicker nor further than
the boss, yet their ears are big enutf
for snow-shoes. You lean trust them
with enny one whose life aint, enny
more than the .mule’s. The only wu tu
keep them iutu a paster, is tu turn them
!nln *v mrnlflm* Ct Mini lol. lln-m
jump out. Tha ar rcdy for use, jest
as soon as they will clu tu abuse. Tha
bant got enuy fronds, an wil liv on
bucket bery brush, with an okasiomil
cluinsc at lvunada thissels. Tha ar a
moduru invcushim ; 1 dont think the
Bible deludes tu them at tall. Tha gel
fur more mony thanenny other doiues
tik animile. Vu leant lei there age by
looking intu their mouth, euny more
than yu could a Mexican cannon. Tha
never hav no diseaze that a good club
wont heal. If tha ever die tha must
hum rite to life agin, for 1 never heard
nobody sa “ded mule.” Tha ar like
sum men very corrupt at hiirtc; ivc
known them tu he good mules for (i
months, just tu get a ehansc to kick
somebody. 1 never owned one and
never mean to, unless there is a United
(States law passed requiring it. Tha
only reason why tha ar pa,shunt, is bc
kausc tha ar ashamed of themselves. 1
hav sen edikated mules in a sirklis.
Tha could kick, and bite, Ifemcnjis. I
wud not sa what lam forced to sa agin
the mule, if his birth want an outrage,
and man want til blame for it. JCuny
man who is wiling tu driv a mule, ought
to he exempt by law from riming for
the legislator. Tha ar (lie strongest
crccturs on earth, and heviest, ackord
ing tu llier si.se : 1 herd tell ov one who
fell oph, from the tow path, ivi the Kri
kanal, and sunk as soon as he teehed
botum, hut he kept rite on toing the
boat tu the no., sta.shun. breathing thru
his cars which stuck out ov the watue»|
about 2 feet fi inches : 1 didn't sec thisf
did, but tm auctioneer told me of it, ami
I never knew nn auctioneer lu lie unless
it was absolutely convenient.
- ---
The Leaves ake Faelino.—AVliat a
melancholy spectacle the tailing leaves
present! The trees are almost invested
of the scar and yellow leaf, and what
few remain are falling fast. One by
one they are going—scattered hither
and thither, driven in every direction
at the mercy of the chilly winds. Pas
sing away like dear friends that have
warmed themselves to ourmeurory, and
leaving the trees as the dear ones leave
us, divested of all that makes life beau
tiful. AVhat a lesson in nature the fal
ling leaves teach us. To-day in the full
lide of blooming verdure, and to-mor
row drifting on the blast, east in every
direction hut the one we would eliimsc,
or lying in some corner negleclednmd
unnoticed bv the very parties we had
once shaded from the pelting Storm.
Such is life—happiness to-day and mis
ery to-morrow, until at last we all meet
iu one lump of common elav—the lau
rel and the leaf forming a portion of
the same ashes.
-— -
A Case of Conscience.
i n a certain “Ladies’ Moral Reform
Society,’" existing not many miles from
the bank of a certain river, the mem
bers were required to sign a pledge not
to “set up” as it is termed, or do any
thing else that might be supposed to
have a tendency however remote, to
immorality. (>nc evening as the Presi
dent was calling over the names, to
know whether each member had kept
lier obligation, a beautiful and highly
respectable younglady burst into tears,
and on being questioned as to the cause,
said she feared she had broken her
pledge. ,
“Why, what have you done?” asked
the President.
“Oh!” sobbed the younglady, “Dr.
-. kissed me the other night when |
he waited on me home from meeting.” '
“Oh. well that is nothing very bad,”
said the President: “ms kissing does
not make it that you have broken the
pledge.”
“Oh! that isn’t the worst of it,” ex
claimed the conscientious young lady, j
"I KISSED HIM BACK AOAIX."’
--44^.4
6-.y AVhy is a loafer in a printing of
fice like a shade tree?
Because we are glad when he loaves.
fc
SALMAGUNDI.
£j5””Ad vivo is like snow, the softer it
falls the longer it dwells upon, and
deeper i( sinks into the inind.
Provoking.—To dream that you have
lots of money, and then wake up and
find yourself an editor. :
$Sy*“Thcre is a divinity that shapes
our end,” ns the pig remarked when
contemplating the kink in his tail.
865""A. little girl in sclioOl being
asked what a cataract or a waterfall
was, replied that it Was hair flowing
over something, she didn't know what.
865"At a printer's festival lately, the
following toast was offered : “Woman—
second only to the press in the dissemi
nation of news.” :
865”A lady who is opposed lt> having
whist played in her house recently sent
out invitations for a social party, and
lest there should be a mistake, she ad
ded : “Nt> cards.” '
865” Old gent, (disgusted)—“Here,
waiter! here's a—here’s a—a—caterpil
lar in this chop !” Waiter (flippantly.)
“Yes sir. About time of the year lor
'em just now, sir!” i
R65“T5riok Pomeroy thinks it is- thb
intention Of the Radicals to purchase
all the Confederate bonds and compel
the South to pay them. There may be
really something in this.
&-3“Seonc—Young lovers on the bal
cony. Tithe—evening. Mr. Billin—
“Oh, how calm, how sweet and peace
ful the moon looks!” Miss Cooen—
-Yes; hut don't you think it looks
very conspicuous ?”
865'“ts it possible, Miss, that you
don't know the names of some of your
best friends ?” inquired a gentleman of
a holy. “Certainly,” she replied, “I
don't know what my own name may bb
a year hence.”
£65““ Were you guarded in your con
duct while in New York?” said a fath
er to his son, who had just returned
from a visit to tire city. “Yes, sir, part
'■J ‘ uiL- umiq t»V pUlXbL'IUUli. f
i '1
fits}”'A teacher said to a little girl at
school.: “If a naughty girl should hurt
you, like a good little girl, you would
forgive her. wouldn’t you?” “Yes,
mann,” she replied, “If I couldn’t
catch iieu!”
lltaT-Tlic recklessness which frequent
]>' possesses men while in battle, is well
illustrated by a soldier, who loading
and tiring with all his might, while his
fellows were falling around him, ex
claimed. “Iioys, ain't this h—11; ain't
it bully?" A certain German took a
different view, on another occasion.
Altera series of hardships and reverses,
and while the battle was still in hot
progress, he belched forth: “Got tam
Christophee Columbus, he discover
A M Eli IK ee !”
A Wife.—Tf you arc for pleasure,
marry ; if you prize rosy Health, marry.
A good wife is Heaven’s last best gift
toman; ids ungel of mercy; minister
0 (graces innumerable; his gem ofmany
virtues: ids casket of jewels ; hervoice
bis sweetest music; her smiles his
brightest day ; her kiss the guardian of
innoecuce; her arms the pale of safety,
tin* halm of his health, tin1 balsam of his
life; her industry Ids surest wealth;
her economy his safest steward; her
lips his faithful counsellors; her bosom
the softest pillow ot his cares; and her
prayers the ablest advocate of Heaven's
blessings on his head.
1 -4<S»4
A Slight Mistake,
/V capital story is lojd ol a voung
follow who one Sunday strolled into A
village ehttreh, and during the services
was electrified and graiilied by the
sparkling of a pair of eyes Which were
riveted upon hi.- face. Alter the ser
vice he saw the possessor of the shining
orbs leave the church alone, and em
boldened by her glances, he ventured
to iollow her, his heart aching with
rapture. He saw her look behind, and
fancied she evinced some eruption at
recognizing him. He then quickened
his pace, and she actually slackened
hers, as if to let him come up With her
—lint will permit the voting gentleman
to tell the rest his own way.
-Noble young creature!” thought I.
"Her artless and warm heart is superior
to the bond of custom. 1 had reached
within a stone’s throw of her. She
suddenly halted and turned her face
towards nig. My heart swelled to
bursting. I reached the spot where
she stood,she began to speak, and 1
took off my hat as if doing reverence
to an angel.”
“Arc you a pedleiy’
“Nro, my dear girl, that is not my oc
cupation,”
"\\ ell, 1 don't know," continued she,
not very bashfully, and eyeing me very
sternly. "I thought when 1 saw' you in
the mcetin’ house that you looked like
a peddler who passed off a pewter half
dollar on me three weeks ago, and so I
determined to keep an eye on you.
Brother John has got home now, and
says if he catches the fellow he’ll wrimr
his neck for him; and 1 ain’t sure but
you've the good-for-nothing rascal af
ter all.”
Success Ft: j. Editors.—An English
editor says: “A good editor and com
petent newspaper conductor, is like a
general or poet, born not made. Exer
ci-e and experience give facilities, but
the qualification is not manifested, t'n
the London dailv papers all the great
historians, novelist, poets, essayist? ami
the writers of travels have been tried,
and nearly every' one lias failed. ‘1
can’ said the late editor of the London
Times, ‘iiud any number of men to
write for me, but very seldom one man
of common sense.’ N early all success
ful editors are ot this description. A
good editor seldom writes much for his
paper; he reads, judges, selects, dic
tates, alters, combines; and to do all
this well, he has but little time for
composition. To write tor n paper i
onc thing, to edit another."