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cm.. « j.. - a. VOLUME S3. DE8 ARC, ARRAN SAS, JUNE 1, 18G7. NUMBER 13. 5WttiS3}.“ -*
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PROFESSIONAL CARPS. I
A. 0. riCKETT. I* N. RAM8AIR.
PICKETT & It AMS AU It#
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
AVGVSTA, ARKANSAS.
_
Witt practice in tlie counties of Woodruff. I
Jackson, White and Craighead. Special at-j
tention given to collections of nil claims en- ,
trusted to their caro aprti-ly
J. C. JONSON. Office—West Point, Arkansas.
0X0. M. MOORE, Office—Searcy, Arkansas, j
^JOSSOS & JIOOBE,
r Attorneys at Law,
SOLICITORS IN CHANCERY,
— AND—
General Land and Collecting Agents,
SEARCY, ARKANSAS.
Witt give prompt attention to any business ,
in the counties of Independence, Jackson. ^
Woodruff, Monroe, Prairie, White, Conway'
and Van Ruren. _ !
Dll. ALLEX
HAVING concluded to remain in Pcs Arc, i
tenders his services ta the citizens gen
orally. Over thirty years experience, added
to a thorough qualification for his profession,
assures him that he can give general salts-j
faction. Ministers of the Gospel, and all
who have been disabled in the service of their
country, treated gratis.
Des Arc, Ark., February 2, 1800—6m
J. It. P. AI.DBIDCE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Cotton Plant- Arkans&B.
'XVlLl, practice in tlie Circuit Courts of
Woodrutr county, nnd tlie Circuit Courts of
the seventh Judicial District, and give prompt
attention to all business entrusted to Ins
care.
Geo. W. Maberry,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
AND
80LICIT0 n IN CIIANCEBY ,
—AND—
CDVI'RID lilSB AGENT, j
COTTON PIjANT.
WOODRUFF COUNTV. ARK VNSAS. j
Wll.t. attend tbc Circuit and Probate
Courts for (lie counties of Monroe. .• 1
Francis and Woodruff. mtu -*•*
J. K. O VTKWOOD. \ I 1 S. THOMAS,
Des Are, Ark. j \ Brownsville, Ark
GVTEWOED & THOMAS,
&&W
l»cs Arc ami Brownsville,
pRORin corsTV. irrivsis.
decl-tf __ ___ i
"Yl.VSTT ,k mtONAUflH. Brownsville. Ark.
II. P. VAUGHAN, lies Are. Arkansas.
Gantt, Bronanarh & Vanslian.
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
Will practice in the counties of Prairie.
White. Woodruff. Monroe. Arkansas and Pu
laski Prompt attention given to the collec
* tion of claims Taxes will he paid and titles
investigated for non-residents. nprl4-otn j
1. if. HKIHSKPKTlt. T. BI.AKE KENT.
HEDGEPETH & KENT,
ATTORN SYS AT LAW.
DBS ABC, ABKANSAS.
__ i
WLL practice in nil of the courts of
Prairie county, and the circuit courts
of the surrounding counties. imir-l-»>m
WM- T- JONES*
AttO&$8X 4E SAW,
BROWNSVILLE, AKK.AH sas.
1IT1LL, practice ill the counties of Pulaski
W Prairie, Monroe. Woodruff, Jackson and
White Prompt attention given to the collec
tion of claims. aprU-ly_
* >i i:., Mat " *® :'1
GOODY & MoRAE,
SEARCY, WHITE COI STV,
AUK V>'*AK.
vice in all the courts of Arkansas.
n-___
RR.. 8AM. W. WILLIAMS.
W. MARTIN.
IAMS & MARTIN,
s at Law,
ARRAYS AS.!
*«, prosecute
Vbta. and
House.
'vpert &
• Ala.
LJtfF.
.1
Mt
a |
nau be
-_ nliately
,w. , ossiblo.
b^Jrernmeni *or property
cos (whether receipted
bs Pkxbioss, Amahs of
.ntlv attended to.
P * UK K& A FtfLDIXO.
TWILIGHT THOUGHTS.
BT OEOROR It. TIFF ANT.
I love to sit »t my window,
As (he evening shades appear,
When ihe air is cool and balmy.
And iho skies are bright and clear;
When the gentle evening zephyrs
O'er the hills and valleys play.
And the sky is bathed in glory
Uy the sun's declining rsy.
And, as Ihe distant hill-tops
Their length’ning shadows cast,
My thoughts will of.timcs wander
O’er the memories of the past,
To the church-yard on the hill-siile,
Whore ’neath the willow's shade.
Dear friends that I fondly cherished
In youth’s bright morn, arc laid.
And my heart grows sad while thinking
Of Ihe loved ones gone before ;
Oft we miss tbelr merry voices
At tbe peaceful twilight hour;
And, as o’er my bear), at even,
Sweeps sad memories of the past,
Spirit voieeh seem to whisper
‘•Earthly joys can never last,1’
And oft, at the hour of twilight.
As with hope my heart beats high,
I strive to pierce the future
With a keen prophetic eye;
And the path of life looks joyous,
All sunshine without a shade,
And I build in air bright castles,
Nor dream that they can fade.
[Waverley Magazine.
Good Manners.
“Manners make the man,” eavs the
ipothegm. Wc might add—the lady
ilso ; for there is nothing more attrnc
:ive than grace of manner, and nothing
more winning than good manners.—
Wc do not refer now to etiquette, or
:he arbitrary customs of society, which
lifter with every nation, and sometimes i
lifter in different parts of the same na- j
dons; though etiquette and good man
acrs are frequently nearly allied. Nor
to we refer to what Mr. Turvcydrop
jails “deportment,” nor vet to “courte
sy.”
Deportment comprehends Iho whole
external expression of the individual, 1
while courtesy involves refinement.—
ro liave a good deportment one must j
liave good manners; but one will have |
i higher deportment who lias courtesy.
Every one may have good manners—
jn'y the refined can liave courtesy.—
Courtesy was horn of chivalry. It is a
jenrrous virtue and cannot live in an i
gnoblc atmosphere. The strength of
nan and the gentleness of woman be- j
rat courtesy, which since that day has
ived upon earth to elevate and refine
is.
The real basis of good manners is n
rind and sympathizing heart,by means
)f which wc are enabled to feel with
ind appreciate others. This explains
why there is such difference in regard
o “innate refinement.” Some people
ire better constituted naturally than
others; arc more susceptible of devel
opment.
We all like to be appreciated ; there
s no exception to tlie rule, and we all
experience a sensation of mortification
a lien wc feci that wc liave been neg
lected or treated with iudiffereuce.—
Nothing sooner arouses the spirit of!
jealousy, which is so predominant a
feature in human nature, than a sense
of non-appreciation, especially in per
sons who are gifted with a sensitive
nature.
It is a common failing with all of us
to fancy Unit we are not adequately ap
preciated ; but not to be appreciated at
all is more than human philosophy can
endure. Sonic persons aro so dull by
nature that they arc incapable of ap
preciating with any uiceuess the feel
ings of others. Such persons are gen
erally rude, and tlicir wit, if they liuve
any, is always of the offensive kind.—
n.-nliam nnc evenin'?. rattlin'? awav to
I)r. Johnson and Dr. Goldsmith, ex
claimed.
‘•Doctor, I should be happy to see
you at Eton.” “1 shall be glad to wait
on you,” answered Goldsmith. “Xo,”
said Graham,“‘tis not you I mean, Dr.
Minor ; 'tis Dr. Major, there.” “Wluit
effect this had on Goldsmith, who was
as irascible ns a hornet,” Dr. Johnson
used to say, says Boswell, “may easily
be conceived.”
Graham was drunk—not an uncom
mon thing in those days—even Bozzy
got drunk—and for this reason may be
excused for his rudeness, but Dr. John
son's enjoyment of the scene shows the
rough, coarse nature which marked
him quite as much as bis intellectual
ability aud broad culture, it is a clear
evidenee how remarkable the latter
qualities must have been that people
foulu have eudured the former. We
do not wonder that Mrs. Boswell en
tertained so poor au opinion of her hus
band's “governor,” particularly when
the Doctor tipped over the caudle in
tentionally ami let the grease run on
the carpet. Yet the rough old royal
brute was iu the main a good man and
done many kind tilings. lie only de
sired to be appreciated up to the point
demanded by his vanity.
There are persons who are not stupid
but malicious, anil therefore take a de
light In wounding the feelings of oth
ers, or in gratifying themselves at the
■xpcnBe of others. Such persons in
dulge in the vulgarity of endeavoring
to make butts of others, or in the mean
ness of talking at people, or In intro
ducing subjects which must be mala
propos.
The two classes we have referred to
—the stupidly rude and the malicious
ly rude—both uccd to be regenerated
•1
and renewed. Nothing less will ena-1
hie them cither to appreciate oracqtiire j
good manners.
In conversation we often hear good j
breeding and politeness used inter
changeably with good manners, as'
phrases of the same import. Yet there j
is a difference in these words. Good ;
breeding, like good deportment, is a j
large expression.
To be well-bred one must be brought
up in a certain way, have certain ad
vantages, and improve Giobc advan
tages and opportunities. A well-bred
person will be a polite person necessa
rily. But a person may have good ;
manners and not be polite; for the !
manners may be good according to op-■
portunities. Politeness springs from i
cultivation. Its development will de-1
pend upon capacity and opportunity.— I
Some people have no capacity for man
ners, some can be drilled into behaving !
themselves, while others exhibit a nat- j
ural adaptation to attaining an agreea
ble demeanor.
IIow often do we hear it said, “So- i
and-80 is a bore; you can make nothing ,
of him;” and again, “What pleasant |
manners Mrs. So-and-so lias!” “Yes,1
they are natural to her.” There is in
nate refinement, and there is native ;
grace, and when these are cultivated,
the result is very charming.
“Opportunity and importunity,” said
an Irishman who fell from grace, “arc j
too much for poor humanity!” When j
nature and association arc against m
man, a Turveydrop will hardly make
him pass muster in a review where
manner is the ordeal.
Good manners refer to personal in
tercourse whether the persons arc ab
sent or present. They involve respect,
case, frankness, consideration, so that
you always behave toward others, re
serving to yourself the right to select
your acquaintances, ami to determine
the measure of the acquaintanceship, ns j
you would wish they should hehnvc
unto you.
"Whoever cultivates such principles
of action will lie, according to the po- (
sition in the world lie occupies, the ;
possessor of good manners.
These were the principles wliich gov
erned Hubert Burns, who born a peas
ant, moved with ease in tho society of
his day, from tho hut to the castle,
whose associates readied from the com
monest and most illiterate, to the most
distinguished and most cultivated in
Scotland.
Sueli, too, were tho principles of the
Ettrick Shepherd, who boasted that lie
had moved in every grade of society,
and had foPud himself so much at home
in caeli that, he could not tell to which
he really belonged.
When Alton Locke found lifiusell" at
Lord Lviidale's, not a little nervous in
so new a sphere, he received ttvui a •
friend this piece of advice : “Be natu
ral.’’ It was as good advice as could
have been given. To be kind, sincere,'
and unaffected i ; to be well-mannered.
Respect, consideration, kind feeling,
have a great deal to do with oiling the
wheels of the world. It is singular
how often we find those who should
know what good manners require, ap
parently injjjtrercnt in regard to some
of the customs of life which should not
be neglected.
Clergymen even, who should set an
example of good breeding, are often ,
grossly negligent in tliq matter of re-1
plying to letters. The very persons,
too, who are most regardless of others
feeling* and interests, are most prompt
to take offense. Let one of those dis
tinguished people who never can re
member or find time to write, address
a letter to another upon some subject
requiring an answer, and find no notice
taken of it, and the deeply injured in
dividual will quito fail to recognize
that, lie is receiving some of the coin of
which lie lias disbursed so much. Tro
pic ought not to forget what concerns
themselves and have no apology for
forgetting what interests others. If il
were only a matter of feeling, still feel- '
iugs should be regarded.
Society i6 becoming sadly vulgarized
by the introduction of slang, so that
the pure speaker is rare. It passes for
wit or humor with some people, es
pecially with thoao-W’ho are incapable
of either, very much ns conceit passes
for cleverness with the unintcllcctual
and uniufornicd.
Soubriquets are among tlio vulgar
isms which should awaken disgust.—
What can be more rude than to apply
epithets and names to others, thus ren
dering them subjects of ridicule. 8a- !
tire is allowable; it can be indulged in
face to face and need not rutile a feath
er. It shows a want of cleverness to
allow satire to degenerate into sarcasm.
Sarcasm may be permitted under cer
tain circumstances for as a distinguish
ed Tresident of the United States once
remarked, “Hitting hard and fending
otf is sometimes a pleasant occupa
tion.” But vulgar rudeness should tie
classed with that “mediocre excel
lence in poets which,” Horace says,
is intolerable to Gods and men.”
We have often noticed a point in et
iquette which seems expressly adapted
to the protection of the rights and feel
ings of botli sexes. We allude to the
custom which requires the lady to
speak first, and which requires the
gentleman to return the bow when
a lady and gentleman, presumed ac
quaintances, meet in the street. The
philosophy of the rule is, for there is
sound philosophy in manners: were
the gentleman to bow tlrst it would be
in the power of the lady to Ignore the
bow, and thus mortify the gentleman
who might have only Inferred a po
liteness. The lady bowing first.* the
gentleman, in deference to her sex,
must return the bow ; thus the lady is
protected. Further, she is guarded
from the intrusion of impudent men
upon her acquaintance, and men like
wise are assured against the rudeness
of pert women. If (hc lady docs not
bow, things remain ra they were—
neither is injured, neither can take ex
ception.
In nothing are goad manners more
apparent than In the mode of differing
ill conversation. Observe the perfect
courtesy manifested by the wet! bred
mail or woman. The dillerence only
act* as a stimulus to the conversation.
Indeed it may he considered rather
pleasant than otherwise, awakening the
powers of both the talkers, and giving
life to the scene.
Argument and debate arc generally
to be deprecated in society, for they
arc apt to run into harshness and no
one is convinced.
Argument and contradiction arc the
favorite modes of the iil-mr.iincrcd.—
ft is better to treat the ill-mannered as ;
Dante did the contemptible spirits— ‘
“not talk about them but observe and ;
pass on.”
It is often discussed whether manners
are better in the country or in the city.
In the city, there is more style, more ;
finish, more tournure; while in the
country there is more heart, more
Sympathy, more geniality, more frank
ness. The women of the city arc apt
to be, owing to linvirtg had greater ad
vantages, more cultivated than their
sisters of the country. I11 the practi
cal affairs of life, however, they are
not so well informed. Ladies in the
city walk better, dance better, sing bet
Itlj UIIU9|fViUV IllUlt' lUIVI^II |
languages than the ladies of the eoan
try; but it is questionable whether
they can keep house as well, or do ma
ny other things as well as those who
ure compelled to rely chiefly upon
themselves.
People in the country are usually 1
belter read than those in the city. Per-1
haps it is because they have more time I
and are loss attracted hv various pleas
ures and amusements.
Manners, whether in town or conn-]
try. will vary according to the eharac-1
ter of the individual and the measure i
nf breeding, with the degree of good j
sense and good taste. They who sup
pose Hint bluntncss is honesty, will be’
rude to the end ; they who flunk con
sideradon the father of courtesy will !
progress towards refinement. Man
ners are not a matter of slight import
nice. ltegarded at large, they are. as
burke remarcs, “what vex or soothe, i
corrupt or purify, exalt or debase,
barbarize or refine us, by a constant,
steady. Uniform, insensible operation,
like that of the ait we breathe in."
IJefinemcnt in manner is one of the
marked proofs of the advancement ofa
nation aud the culture of the people.— '
the ancients had manners, and very
bad manners. Ilefined in some of their
Pistes and habits, they were brutal in
many of their ways.
Courtesy, as we have said grew out
af chivalry, politeness is the offspring
of culture, (loud manners commend
themselves, aud like good wine need
no bu-'n.
.. --
Inemteo Letter or the first Xa
poi.f.on.—An inedited letter from the
first Napoleon—whilst yet u soldier of
fortune—addressed to the great Ttiliua,
has recently appeared in the Paris
journals. It is as follows :
“Mon eher Talma—I have fought
like a lion for the Itcpublic. lint, my
.mod feieml Talma, as inv reward. I
utn left to die with hunger. 1 am at
the eud of all my resources. Tlmt
miserable follow Aubry (then Minister
of War) leaves me in the mire when lie
might do something for me. ] feel that
I have the power of doing more than
lien. Santerre and liossignot, and yet
they cannot find for me a corner in La
Vandee or elsewhere, to give me em
ployment. You are happy ; your rep
utation depends on yourself alone.—
Two hours passed on the hoards bring
you before the public, whence all glo
ry emanates. But for us soldiers, we
are forced to pay dearly for fume upon
au extensive stage, and, after all, we
are not allowed to attain it. Therefore
do not regret the path you have chosen.
Remain upon your theatre. Who knows
if ! shall ever appear again upon mine.
I have seen Mauvel, (a distinguished
comedian.) he is a true friend. BarraS,
1‘resideiit of the Directory, makes fine
promises, but will he keep them? I
doubt it. In the meantime, 1 am re
duced to my last sous. Have you a few
crowns to spare me? I will not refuse
thorn, and promise to repay you out of
the first kingdom I win by my sword.
How happy were the heroes of Arios
to ; they had not to depend upon a min
ister of wur. Adieu.
Yours, Bonaparte.
--
Tijk IIkart or Wirz.—An exchange
says: “As repulsive as is the thought
to every instinct of humanity, it is assert
ed as a fact that the heart of Wirx was
dug out of his body, put in a glass with
spirits*and is now exhibited to such visi
tors to the Old Capitol prision as may
desire to feast upon such horrors. We
do not know who is responsible for the
ghoul-like act. It isabout up to the level
of Stanton's ability and fionuishness, aud
we think may very properly be ascribed
to him. Comment is unnecessary.’’
J. Wilkes Booth Alivo.
! il.c following letter to tlio Picaynne,
I from Galveston, throws additional light
on the statement wc some days since
noticed :
GAi.VKSToif, Uny 10,1867.
Eiuiolts i iCAVi'KE: Notwithstanding
two years iiave elapsed since the assas
sination of Lincoln, and ,ho subsequent
caplnre and death, (as it was officially
announced) of the assassin, J. Wilkes
Booth, you are doubtless aware of the
fact that there ui e many who, during
all of this time, have doubted and still
doubt the identity of the part/ alleged
to be Boot)], and bclive him to he still
in existence.
Since my arrival here I have gained
the following information from Capt.
Johnson, who lias recently returned
from China nr.d the East Indies, and
whose name is well known to many
citizens of New Orleans.
Knowing him. as I have, for a num
ber of years, and always having founvl
him a man of veracity, I can vouch for
the truthfulness of his statement which
is as follows:
“While lying at auclior in the port of,
Calcutta, British 1 ndia, prior to starting
out on our homeward voyage, in the
latterpart of December, 1SC0, my atten
tion was attracted by the arrival of a
magnificent clipper ship—the most
beautiful model I ever snw—carrying
English colors, and which dropped her
auclior only a few rods from my ves
sel.
“I soon ascertained she was called
the “Bird of the Ocean,” and was com-!
mniuled by the notorious Lieut. Tol
bert. Having been well acqiftiinted
witli him during the war, I dispatched i
a messenger to apprise him of niv close '
proximity, and requested an interview.
in reply lie mvilcd me to “come on
board at once,” which I did. After
half an hour spent in social intercourse
over a bottle of wine, in her elegantly
tilled up cabin, lie very politely begged
to be excused, stating lie had business
in the city which demanded his imme
diate attention. promising me lie would
visit my ship the same evening.
The evening wore along, and I had
given him up coming for the night and
was making preparations to turn into
my hammock when the splash of oars
greeted my ears, and in a few moments
more the .captain stepped upon deck,
accompanied by another young gentle
man whom 1 recognized as Mr. ttobort
Troth, (formerly an engineer In the
Confederate navy.) The lirst remark
Tolbert made was this :
“Wake up, Johnson, you arc boarded
by pirates!”
From my knowledge of the man 1
knew lie was in for a night's sport, and
decided to let him have his full swing.
After reaching the cabin, lie said, in a
confidential manner:
“Captain Johnston, you and I have
always been good friends, and 1 have
come on board your ship to have a good
time v. ith you. 1 have just wen a bet j
of £500 in Calcutta, from one of my
Boston Mends. When I was here, just
six months ago, lacking two days, 1
laid a wager of £500 sterling that J.
Wilkes Booth was alive, which was ac
cepted and the money staked. The con
ditions were, that 1 was to furnish
proof of the fact inside of six uiontlis.
Two men were selected by my adver
sary to accompany me, their expenses
to be paid by the loser. We have just
got back to-day ; and those two men af
ter being duly sworn, said they ‘bad
seen J. Wilkes Booth, the actor; bad
conversed with him. and that he is alive
and enjoying excellent health. The
judges, after debating the question at
length, finally rendered a decision in
my favor, and the money was handed
over forthwith. Booth s whereabouts
is known only to five persons, who
know that lie is Booth, lie is living
in obscurity, far from his native land;
and is perfectly safe, ns his disguise is
so complete that his own brother could
not recognize him. I sailed from Cal
cutta on the following day, and have
not heard from the dashing young ex
lieuteuaut since. What lie told me
made a deep impression on my mind.—
I pondered over the matter on my re
turn voyage, and must say that I firmly
believe Booth is alive, and Capt. Tol
bert knows where lie is.”
The above are almost verbatim his
own words, end comment is unneces
sary by me.
Respectfully, your ob't serv't,
A. M. Wilson.
--- ....
Vauk ok Southern Products.—
From the monthly report of the Direc
tor of the Bureau of Statistics, we
learn that the exports from the United
States in the first quarter of the pres
ent year, were about one hundred and
thirty-three millions of dollars’ worth
and that of this amount the Southern
States furnished ninety-two millions.
This is a surprising record, for it
shows that these States contributed 70
per cent of the whole of our exports
for the time mentioned. Upon the
amount of our exports depend, it must
he recollected, the amount of our cus
tom revenues, and in this statement we
see the proportion which the industry
of these States pays to tho revenue. It
has been too much the habit at the
North to depreciate (lie. value and im
portance of that industry. While it
ought to lie fostered—while every
means should be taken to develop and
increase it—the ultra Radical policy
tends directly to its discouragement
and annihilation.
Dead Heads.
The following from the Petersburg
(Vn.) Index is sensiblennd totliepoint,
and wo transfer it to our columns with
our hearty endorsement, and commend
it to the careful aitentioh of our read
ers. Says the Index :
Many persons labor under the delu
sion that courtesies extended io the
press arc gratuities, for the bestowal of
which they should feel under obliga
tion. There never was a more mista
ken notion. These who grant them
know better. They are perfectly con
vinced that their success, in a very
great measure, depends upon the fa
vorable notice which their business
will receive in the papers, and hence,
they are far more anxious to conciliate
the reporters than the latter are to re
ceive their compliments. A half a
dozen tickets to a concort, costing
nothing and probably representing
half as many dollars, frequently pro
cure a noti°e which if paid for in mon
ey, would cost twice or thrice that
amount. The newspaper proprietors j
would he (lie last to object to an entile ,
change iu this matter; ihev could af
ford to pay far more than the price of
tickets for admission and charge far j
less for the usual notices, and still
make money by the operation.
A paper lives by the rdvertising
which it does. The subscription and i
sale of papers barely pays for the paper
used iu printing, and when a man asks
for a notice of a%y matter by which he !
expects to ho benefited, ho is asking j
for so much money out of the pockets
oi tlie proprietors. It would be justas
reasonable for them to go into a store
and ask the merchant for a suit ofi
clothes or a bag of coffee. And he !
would open liis eyes in astonishment!
at tlie request.
Newspapers cannot no published lor
nothing. Every line put in type costs
money, and lias to be paid for in cash—
there is no credit on anything which
goes into the printing and publishing
of a newspaper,not withstanding which,
there are some inconsiderate people
who complain that printers try to col
lect their hills promptly, and do not
give unlimited credit. A moment's
reflection ought to convince such peo
ple that no paper could be published
sixty days in times like these on such
a system. With every intention to be
accommodating and forbearing, self
preservation demands tiiat in the news
paper business, above all other, the
rash system should ho rigidly adhered
to. Under any other plan, the re
sources of the proprietors would he
scattered Jn small amounts all over the
country, to collect which would cost !
almost as much as the accounts
amounted to. It is much easier for
the many to pay the small suni» due by
them, than for the papers to wait the ’
convenience of tho debtors for the
payment of the aggregate of the bills
owing them.
The Model Husband.
He walks dut with hia wife on a
week-day, and is not afraid of a milli- J
tier’s shop. He even has “change”
when asked for it, and never alludes to
it afterwards. He is not above carry
ing a large brown paper or a cotton j
umbrella, or the clogs, or even holding :
the baby in his lap in an omnibus. He
runs on tirst, to knock at (lie door, j
when it is raining. Ho goes outside,
if the cab is full. He goes to bed first
in cold weather. He will get up in
the middle of the night to rock the
cradle, or answer the door bell. He
allows the mother-in-law to slop in the
house. Jle takes w ine with her, and
lets her breakfast in her own room.
He eats cold meat or pickles without a
murmur, and is indifferent to pies and
puddings. Hie cheese is never too
strong, nor the beer too small, or tea
too weak for him. He believes in hys
terics, und is melted instantly with a
tear, lie patches up a quarrel with a
velvet gown, and drives away tho sulks
with a trip to Kpsoin, or a gig in the
I’ark ou Sunday, lie goes to church
regularly, and takes his wife to the
opera once a year. He pays for her
losses a. cards, and gives her all his
winnings.
He never flies out about his buttons,
or brings home friends to supper. His
clothes never smell of tobacco, lie
respects the curtains, aud never smokes
in the house, lie ce.rves, but never se
cretes for himself “the brown.” He
respects the fiction of his wife’s age,
and would as soon burn his fingers as
touch tho bright poker. He never in
vades the kitchen, and would no nioro
think of “blowing up” any of the ser
vants than of ordering the dinner, or
having the tray brought up after elev
en. He is innocent of a latch-key.
He lets the family go out of town
once every year, whilst ha remains at
home with one knife arid fork, sits ou
a brown Holland chair, .sleeps on a
curtniuless bed, and has a charwoman
to wait on him. He goes down on the
Saturday train, and comes up on the
Monday, taking with him the cleau
linen and bringing back tho dirty
clothes. He checks the washing hill*,
lie pays the house keeping money
without a suspicion, and stmts his eyes
to the “sundries.” He is very easy
and affectionate, keeping the wedding
anniversary punctually ; never com
plaining if the dinner Is not ready;
making the breakfast himself,If no one
is down; letting bis wife waltz and
drink porter before company. He
runs all lier errands, pays all her hills,
and cries like a child at her death.
Examples iu Addition.
To a church without a parson, ad-min
ister.
To a barrel of liquor, nd-vcnt.
A deaf person would be glnd to have
yon ad-hcre.
Your tailor will counsel you to ad
dress.
Poets all desire to ad-verse.
Missionaries are eager to ad-mission.
To those out of employment sd-vortt
tion.
To the custom-house ad-judge.
To the navy it was necessary to ad
monitor.
Tiie Jews nre determined to ad-mon
ish.
There's no need for one and another in
the streets to ad-mire.
Minors endeavor to ad-ore.
On public occasions it is well to ad
oration.
To yonr other qualities ad-aptness.
To a hungry soldier, say, “ad-mira
tion."
With millionaires we’d like in ad-equa-1
lion
To wines and liquors ad-age.
The timid should endeavor to nd-Talor
(em).
It’s hard work now for the thirsty man
to ad-',liter ("im).
None of ns should reek to ad-vice.
—
I®* Old Dirk Walker used to tell
some tough yarns about his .van de rings,
lie was an old trapper, and having seen
rough times, was a privileged charac
ter.
An admiring crowd had gathered
around Dick while lie related the fol
lowing:
‘■One day I was out huntin’ in the ■
Rockies, an’ gettln’ a lectin out o’ the
reg'lar course, I at Inst fotched up at
mu jwwi ui me uti uucm. uignuai viuiiu
tain I ever seed. I thought I'd crawl
to the top an’ take a look to sec whar I
war. Wall, I eonlinned on fur about a
week, an'at last got (o the top, but I
couldn't see no wheres and nothin”fur
I wur up loo high. All on a sudden, a
notion took me to tire off ole Roarer,
(his gun) an' see if I couldn't Bkccr up
sumtbin’. But not seein’anythin’arter
the lire, I concluded lo load up. Wall,
it jest happened that it war about the
time o' the new moon, an’ she war sail
in' majestically by me, an’ havin’ no
whar’s else to put the powder flask,
(you see thar war no trees up so high,)
l jest flung the string o’ the fla k over
the pint o' her horn, and petcceded
with the rest o’the job. But by cracky,
when I'd rammed the ball home, and
retched for the flask, it warn’t thar—
die moon had been goin’ all the time
an’ was a good way off.'’
Ha, ha!" laugln d one of the crowd,
thinking iic hud the old fellow in a close
place, • What did you do then without
your powderT*
“Why,” said Dick, “I jest, waited till
she cum round the uevt night, and tuk
it off.”
JsS" A gentleman travelling to Pitts
burg from one ef the neighboring vil
lages, stopped lo see a friend, and left
his horse tied on the road. On his re
turn lie found i hat the horse had slipped
his bridle, and while in search of him j
he met an Irish pedestrian, of whom he
inquired:
‘Have you seen a strange creature
anywhere hereabouts, with a saddle on
his back ?’
•Oeh- by the powers ye may say that,’
replied Pat.
‘Where?’
•Just yonder.*
•Will you show me the place?' asked
the traveller.
‘That I will, iu less than no time,1
said the man approaching a small wood
of Umber. ‘Ay, there he is, sure enough
liftllOV.'
The gentleman looked up and said :
‘I don't sec him.’
‘Then, by Saint Patrick, you must be
blind! Xot see him? Just cast your
eyes in that direction. Och, by the
powers, what's lie about uow? Only
see, he swallows his head 1’
‘Why, sir, that’s a turtle, and not a
horse.’
‘A horse! ami who in the devil said
it was a horse ? Sure a horse is not a
strange creature; but that's a strange
creature,’ he added, pointing to it with
fear, ‘and lie lias a saddle on, but hang
me if I'd bridlo him for the whole
country.’
During the war a rebel soldier :
of Milesian extraction, was travelling
by railroad towards the front and wish
ing to journey in comfort, took his seat
in a vacant car. Ilia visions o ' luxu
rious ease were,however, soon disturb
ed by the appearance of a courier, who
pompously informed him that that car
was reserved for Gcu.-, when the
following colloquy ensued:
‘liell, be Jasus, here's room enough
for me and the gineral.’
•Yes, but I must have the rest of the
car for his staff.”
•Staff, ha—then be God, tell the gin
eral to stick his staff' out of the win
dow.’
W A wide awake minister, who !
found His congregation going to sleep
one Sunday before he had tuirly com
menced, suddenly stopped and ex
claimed, “Brethren, this isn’t fair; it
isn't giving a mau half a chance. Wait
till I get along a piece, and then, if i
ain't worth listening to, go to sleep:!
but don't beforo i get commenced:
give a man a chance.”
. **■
SALMAGUNDI.
*9“ Beauty and genius arc the most
perilous of all inheritances.
*9* Of the vowels, i is in Miss, k is
in hell and all the others in purgatorv.
*9“ Money brings friends; the want
of it frenz-y.
*9“ W hat was the greatest bet ever
made? The alphabet.
*9“ When is a clock like a discon
tented workman ? When it strikes.
*9“ Why is a lady's dress like a
roast goose ? Because it has been
basted.
19“ The greatest organ in the world
is the organ of speech in woman—it’s
an organ without stops.
*9" A lady who saw a shade on the
brow of her lover, surmised that he
had taken umbrage at something that
she had said.
S*9“ A woman who abuses her lius
band won’t let anybody else do it. It
is too great a luxury to be shared with
another.
*9* Which is the oldest, Miss Ann
Ticjiiity, old Aunty Deluvion, Miss
Ann Terior, Miss Ann Cestor, Miss
Ann T. Mundane, or Miss Ann T. Ce
dent?
19" Who were the first newspaper
subscribers of whom we have any ac
count ? Cain, who took A-Bcll’s Life
and Joshua who ordered the sun to be
slopped.
59“ It does not fbllow that two per
sons arc fit to marry because both are
good. Milk is good and mustard is
good, but they are not good for each
other.
#«r sourcing is an irregular active
transitive verb, indicative mood, pres
cut tense, third person, singular num
ber, and agrees with ail the girls—
don't it?
1ST The way they weigh hogs in
Kansas is as follows: They first tie
the hog to one end of a rail balance the
rail on a fence witli rocks tied to the
other end, and then guess how much
the rocks weigh.
ear •tV'liere are you going so fast,
Sir. Smith?” demanded Mr. Jones.
“Home, sir. home; don’t detain me, I
have just bought my wife a new bon
net, and I must deliver it before the
fashion changes.”
There are three tilings a woman
cannot do—to pass a bonnet shop with
out looking in, to see a baby without
kissing it, and to admire apiece of lace
without inquiring how much it was
per yard.
Don't wait for fortune to come.
Hunt her up. Take off your gloves,
your coat, and as a wrestler, warm for
the contest, engage in the strife for
success, and you will find many who
will acknowledge your claims, and
who will find it to their interest to
promote your*.
BCSuThe last man in Tennesee who sold
a negro slave at auction and took in pay
ment therefor Confederate money is now
one of the Radical candidates for Con
gress It is to work up just such ma
terial that the Jacobins passed the recon
struction act.
PS"It is proof that England, after
thirty years’ wretched experience with
negro suffrage in Jamaica, has come to
its senses, and withdrawn that suffrage.
The olperiment of negro voting has satis
fied the government of England that the
thing is not practicable
B«5t„Secretary Seward announces that
"he will retiro from public life as soon
as the Southern States are represented in
Congress.” If that be the contingency
of Seward’s retirement, it will be a long
.. - c- "f r"-—j
before lie lays down his portfolio'
teg“It is estimated that in tbe counties
of Halifax, Spottsylvnnia, Franklin and
Henry, Virginia, and Rockingham and
Casswell, North Carolina, the tobacco now
on hand is worth twelve million dollars.
The crop of Spotsylvania alone is placed
at three millions.
IIeb Fiest.—A lady says the first
time she was kissed she felt like a tub
of roses swiminiug in honey, cologne,
and cranberries. She also felt as
if something was running through her
nerves on feet of diamonds, escorted
by several little cttpids in chariots
drawn by angels, shaded by honey
suckles, and the whole spread with
melted rainbows.
A friend of ours, says an ex
change. visiting a neighbor, found him
disabled from having a horse step upon
his foot. Hobbling out of the stable,
the sufferer explained how it happen
ed : “1 was standing here,” said ho,
■-and the horse brought his foot right
down on mine.” Our friend looked at
the injured member, which was of the
No. 1 I pattern, and said, very quietly,
“Well, the horse must step some
where.'’
PosT-Omes Envelopes.— Business
men are quite familiar with the printed
indorsement on the envelopes of busi
ness letters, requesting the postmaster,
if the letter is not called for in ten days
to return it. A Schenectady merchant
has got np an improvement on this,
which runs aa follows: “If Mr.
Afii't pay the bill iu this dnnnlng letter
within ten days, the postmaster may
open this and send us the money bini
>«lf.