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W*\Ii»Te supplied ourselve* with a good —....-..— ■■■
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ready th ex‘>»ul? ftll kinds ol Job 1 rintmg. _L __—. - . . _- , I’ersoual communications charge.^
on ro.(sQna^lo terras. --.. " ,t ——— Legal advertisements will bo charjj
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k ,.''tton, for Clerlt. SherA'sf'Justioea Vo£-trMB‘i. T>:ES ABO, ARKANSA8, MA:Y 18, 1867. • JSTIJmB^R LI.KMS.liU :i f
/ ..... a „• •_. ^ • _ - - -— . — -___. __ _ ____• All advertisin-r-do- after see.- nd inouri^w
.• PROFESSIONAL FARRS.
A. 0. rtCK*J*. Sit l- M■ B 'MiAUB
PICICETT «St TPVMHAtTll,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
AVGUSTA, ARK ASS AS.
prirt.ioo in the countio* of Woodruff.
Jack-on, White nnd t’raigboaJ. Special »t
tcutiou Riven to collection:' of all claims cn
trusted to their care nprO-ly
j p JONSON, Office—West Point, Arkansas.
JNO. M. MOORE. Office—Searcy, Arkansas.
JOASOA Si. MOORE,
aLttoc*-©Ts at Law, H
solicitors iy VITAS CERY,
—.\sr>—
General Land end Coll'Cidng Ag.nt-.,
HEAW’V. aukansas.
VSTm, give prompt attention to any business j
in the comities of Independence, J*ck,,on
Woodruff, Monroe. Prairie, W .11 to, ( on nay
and Van Huron. _ _!
DU. AlsLEN
H- AVISO concluded 10 remain in Dee Are.
'tenders his so,-viecs to the citiwns Rtth
.■railv Over iliirtv years etqpenenre. added
to a thoroujrh qualification for IT* profession,
assures him that he can ?’ve feueral sail,
faction. Mitfislers of the «»*?*}. »»■a '
who h-.re been disabled in the serviced tneir
country, treated gratis. «
i>es Arc, Ark., Pol-wary 2, IS-1- -'nn_
,s. st. i’. ai-oati*.*«»:»
ATTORNEY AT LAW;
.Plant, Arkansas..
/m, practice in tile Tin tU Cmwts nf '
’Jwdvnff countv. and tli° Grcut t our!-' <>t
jf seventh Judicial i»;,trict. nnd ;:ive prom^i
tent-ion to all business entn: !-• J° us
cave. _. 1
G00. W. IVIn 1 M'rry
attorwky AT LAW.
A NI)
SOLICI T O 11 1 N' C1IA NCKRY
AND—
GiVVEIlAJd XA*X» AC'iK’kT,
CO'L'TOX I’l.AN'T.
woouituVr t.v.rNTY,_Au:ax;-A8.
■\TTiU attend the r.venlt and l’rolwte.
’tj V ('7 for the couolk- of M«*avoc. M.
l i auck mi d V. .. .: aft • . . m-n
J 11. ii.VTKWuOU. I ( J. 8. THOMAS, j
Oe- v.-. Avk. .< \ Brawniv;tie, Ark. I
. G’JEWO'.D S TH0H43,
r. '****».
k • #^>a. ... . ;
-■P A tics Arc aii;l~>KnvfrR.s',”i’.
j pr.Mdih J Ei \'»’V, IR& OS AS.
y v deed -t t* ‘ _^....
~0\NTT ft nr,<»' M\«. Brownsville. Avk.
It. V. VAVfittAX. lVs Are. Arkansas.
(i:\nlt, Fronanfrti V\' Vatican.
at to assy; a'ylaw.:
'Will praetio* in Hie enuntie# i.f Praivtc.
wy,tl. huff. Monroe. Vvkansas and I u
1,'V, ' l'r .'i ■•!. attlentiei. given to the CO ,ec
iLnrfeUima. Taac will ho paid an ( titles :
investigated for non-residents. a].rUn,m j
V i:**. ..i.: i tp. •• r.oakr. kknt.
HEDGEPETH 4 OT*
ITTOaSSYS AT LAW.
DE3 ABC, ARKANSAS.
*
^TTIkTi practice in all of the courts of,
W Prairlo county, and the circuit courts
of the surrounding counties. niar24-6in
WM- T- JONES*
S4Wt
BROWNSVILLE, ARKANSAS.
WlTiL practice in the counties of Pulaski.
Prairie, Monroe, Woodruff, .Jackson and
White Prompt attention given to the collec
tion of claims. nprl4-!y
WM. R. COODY.* 1>. MCRAE.
COODY & MoME,
4?tWXm A* £4W
si: iit( Y, vrsisTii roi sn,
' ^ A. Tl I v >*. V t*>,
Will practice in all (he courts of ArVaneas.
mar24
>L. F. CfJMBK* HAM W. WILtlAMS.
'V W. MAltTlN.
^LIAMS & MARTIN,
tiara oys at Law,
" f K. , IKK 1 VS IS.
^^LeCourfs, prosecute
mud .
State House.
# ...... _ . ....;
^mxt of Cypcrt A
Athens, Ala.
i
a»as.
lJiis and tfie adjacent
.... tfi tlie District Courts, and Su
%rt w£ tha State.
rrtVe in connection with our I.\w
£ ' • ,vn A\ TlYEOl T HOOK ( UU.LCTIInG
‘f V‘Y. A’iaiins entrusted to us'will bej
~ *nly »ilo ivied to, and if not immediately
mt*d will be at once secured if possible- 1
%44rjg.in.st tue Government for 1 roporty
\e tT. force* (whether receipted
^lj i.rNnKs l’Essioxs, Aubaah* of
p fiuptly attended to.
KICK? A FIKLDIXO. j
...» ... I ^ J .. 1
The Border Heroine.
Some years ago, bofor# the State xif
Arkansas was «o densely populated as
now, and when the malls from Little
Rock to the eastern bordera were car
ried on horseback, there Uvcd a few
miles above Ilorschead, a stout pioneer
named Jacob Bitmap. His wife,"Pol
ly. and one ebftd, nine year* old, made
up his family. Tile chief business was
hunting, and his unerring rifle never
failed to supply his board and some
thing over. His nearest neighbor Was
fifteen' miles off, so he was little trou
bled with prying visitor*.
It was in the early spring that Jacob
started down the river with n boat load
of furs and skins, lie left Polly iu
charge of the premises, and lie left
with her, too,- a light rifle and brace of
pistols. She knew how to use the ri
fle, for never was she happier than
when her husband patted Iter on her
shoulder and#ahl:
“Nobly done, Polly, mv dear; I could
not have made a better shot myeelf.”
And he had occasion to say this with
truth. ’ *
Jacob Bitmap had been gone for four
days, when towards evening a horse
man rode tip to the hunter's door. He
was a small, muscular man, some forty
years of age. and seemed innured to all
hardships. As lie sprang from his sad
dle Polly made her appearance at the
door.
“Ah. Polly, once more here,” the new
comer said, as he.drew a well filled pair
of saddle bags from tjic back of lils fa
tigued beast. .
“Yes, and i am glad to-see you. Ja
cob lias been away four days, and time
is getting heavy."
“Jacob gone? Where?”
“Down the river with n load of furs.”
“Oh, yes. Well, you shall have the
'ompany of Lant Morton for one night
it least; so for the next twelve hours
volt'll be safe.”
“Oil, I feel safe enough*" replied the
woman quickly, “Only I'm a little lone
some.”
Thus speaking. Morton threw hissad
dle bags into tlie cabin and led his horse
around to alow shed, where he’fasten
'd and fed him.
After this he returned to tlie dwell
ing and entered, and was soon discuss
ing the events of the times over an am
ple' supper. Itis hostess had told him
ill that had transpired in the neighbor
hood since his last visit, and the visitor
rive her the news of thejmsfern valley,
ham Morton had been mail carrier on
hat route for several years, and not
inee had he passed to and fro. without
pending the night at Jacob TturwipV
hi fad, he was about the only regular
visitor at the hunter’s cabin, and liirK
ivilhstanding tlie intervals between his
jlsils were long, be seemed almost a
lx hire to the place. Polly bitmap,
list in the bloom of womanhood, knew
lis gentle, generous, noble character,
o site felt perfectly free and at home
n his presence. .
“Is it known on the route that your
ond is valuable?”asked Polly.
“1 think not; though it may be. Still
[ am well armed, and 1 fancy it would
be a tough job for any one to tackle old
Morton.”
“A man was robbed on the creek a
Few days ago.”
“And tlie robbers have fled,” Raid
Morton carelessly, as lie threw his mail
bag after him.
Morton went to lied at nine o'clock,
is lie was tired from his long ride. Pol
ly had work to do, having neglected it
while talking to her guest, so when she
bad seen him Mfc at rest in the bed, site
drew her basket to a little table where
Iho candle was and went to work upon
some clothing for her child, who was
sound asleep In a corner.
The old German clock upon the wall
with its great weight ami wind strings
all exposed, had struck ten ere Polly
arose from her work. She had poshed
the basket beneath the table, when the
front door opened and two men entered.
They were in - their, stockings, their
shoos having Wen left outside.
“Hash!” uttered the foremost of the
intruder*.
“Speak above a whisper, and you die
in a moment.”
j'ouy recovered irom nerajmca ter
ror and looked up. She saw ttvo stout,
wicked, ugly looking men, oueof whom
held n cocked pistol towards her.—
With n quickness of perception natural
to her, «he knew the pistol would not
he fired If she held her pence, as that
would make more noise than she would
make, and further, she recognised in
Iho foremost a notorious villian, by the
name of Dick Gallus.
She had never seen him before, but
the minute description her husband
bad given her of the man, led her to
know him, and positively too, for one
big sear on the left cheek was mark
enough.
“What do you ask gentlemen in
quired Polly, Without betraying any
t'onr.
"Wahave come to see the mail car
rier." on* replied, in a hoarse whisper.
“Where is he? Mind, don’t speak too
loud.” .
“lie is Kmg since asleep. Would it
not do as well to sec him iu the morn
ing? We can find you a room and
lodging.”
The fair hostess had said this for the
purpose of gaining time. She knew
very well that these men had come for
the purpose of robing the mall carrier,
and was equally sure that they would
murder hiui if they could, and in all
-Hi
probability would put her out of (lie
war as well. They had evidently
learned the valuable load he carried,
and meant fo carry it in his stead.
“Neier mind his being asleep. Up,
| and show us where be Is at once,” re
plied Galius, roughly, in answer io
Polly.
“But I can call him, good sirs,” said
the woman, calmly, though there was
alarm In her soul.
“Call him!” call!”growled the villian ,
j with a fierce oath. “You call him. and
i you will bo called to another world.—
Quick ! show its the way.”
The mild ©ye that could aim an un
erring bullet at the forest beast, did'not
even betray the thoughts of the wo
mau's soul, nor did a look tell'her
Meaning. She wns very paie, hut did
not tremble.
| “This way, if you please,” she whis
j pered.
And as she spoke she turned towards
| the door of the little bed roompantry. 1
She didn't open it until both mciifNvorc
close behind her.
“Don’t you bear him breathe?” she
asked.
“Yes,” returned both of the vi ilia ns.
and they heard a breathing, but it was
a child."
As they thtls answered her, she threw ;
i the door open—it opened inward. The
' men saw a dark void but they pressed j
j forward. In an instant Polly Bitmap j
leaped back. IJallus was upon his j
heels. With all her power the noble
woman threw herself against the rear
! man and the next moment belli of the
’ robbers lay sprawling on the cellar hot- j
i tom.
i This had been tin* door opening to j
: the deep excavation, and the only |
means of egress wns by .^perpendicular
ladder. Could this have been moved. 1
Polly would have pulled It tip imme-j
: diatetr, but Jt was spiked to its place.
, slid she must let it remain. To close j
the door would be useless, for she had
not ready means to fasten it. She did
i . » ’l 1 .. . 1 _ .1 . ... 4 1...
« »•'* IVOV..V,. .
! first; slid sprang to the tiro place and
caught the trusty t itle, and rocking it
die moved towards the open door. She
heard the curses of the villians as they j
reached the ladder, hnd kite knew they
had found it.
‘•Back !" she cried, as s% saw a head
above the threshold. The raudlo-iipoii
the table threw but a ditjt light upon
the spot, but it was sufficient.
She saw the robber raise a pistol.—
She had a husband—a child—and bad
set herself to save the Carrier. With
these thoughts ds siting) through her
mind site pulled the trigger. A sharp
report went ringing through (lie bouse
and its echo w as a dtjep gelan from the
cellar.'
Ere the second robber could 'show
himself, Morton rushed into the room
with a pistol in each hand.
“What is it?” he eried.
“There! thcife!”gasped Polly, point
ing to the doorway, where a savage,
rough looking face had jnst presented
itself.
Laut Morton had been too much ac-1
custoraed to danger to waste time itt
conjecture, and immediately shot the
villinu dead, who fell with a heavy
sound upon tho cellar floor.
“Are there any more?” he asked,
cocking his pistol.
* ;♦**»*
“And so you meant to save me,” re
marked the carrier, ns Polly hesitated.
“Yes, ves—I did. Yes, that was it"
And as soon as the noble woman had
sufficiently recovered, she told him the
whole story.
Morton expressed his thoughts as
best he eonkl: but after all, -1he mois
ture of his light eye, the changing ofj
| bis countenance, and very lack of lan- j
gtiagr, told her more than words could
( have done.
After due deliberation it was decided '
that the bodies should remain there mi- j
1 til morning. So the cellar door was
shut, the front door bolted, ami they 1
prepared to retire; but for the rest of
the night Morton made his bed upon
the floor of the large room.
In tho morning, just as the carrier
was dressed, there was a rap on the
door accompanied by a voice he know
full well. He hastened to open the
door and gave entrance to Jacob Bur
nap.
The hunter hml met with a party of
traders at Lewiaburg, and disposed of
all his l'urs to them, thus finishing -Ids
1 journey six days earlier than he had
anticipated.
i Polly was soon upon her husband’s
bosom, and when he had told them his
own story, Morton frave him the ad-;
venture.
Jacob was at first incredulous, hut
when he had seen the bodies lie was
satisfied.
“Polly, my jewel," lie said, plaaiii^
liis anus around her neck, “I am proud
of you. I love you more and more for
every day 1 tint! ipore to lo>e." And
theu turning to Morton, he added :
“Wh'atdoflihik Ofsueh n wife,
Laut ?’’
“Ah," returned the ;rucst, with deep
1 forlimr. "If poor l.md bad stivh a w ife
lie wouldn’t be a mail carrier."
When Morton left, be w as directed,
to stop at the first settlement and stale
what had happened, to the olHeers. and
he promised to do so. lie once more
blessed the brave woman who saved
his life, and then set out. I.ate iu the
afternoon two officers arrived nt the
eahln, and wUcu they were shown the
dead bodies, at oner proceeded to re
move them. A nil ere a week laid pass
ed, the whole settlement blessed the
Uorder Heroine for the work she had ;
done.
Antagonism Between the Sexes. |
‘Bachelor/ B» a -late number of *W'a- j
verley,'asserts the proposition that a
mutual antagonism'exists between the
sexes. Now, though we take up the
glove ao boldly cast into the ring, tper
Uaps more from habit of ne ver refusing
a challenge than from interest in the
theme, we do so for th'o benefit of those
who stand aloof and look upon the con
flict with unbiased Judgment, rather
than fVom any hope that writing Will
influence the opinion of Mr-1). or those
similarly believing.
Tf a Yuan does n^t like tomatoes, no
argument In tlie world, (bough proving
that lit* ought to Tike them, can make
him do so. The cnrefutVxnmiuatiou of
facts is not in Itself wholly sufficient to
make one in love with truth, white ex
perience very often destroys that illu
sion by which experience is to become
valuable.
Tasies proverbially differ, and we can j
only say that he has the best taste who j
loves the greatestnumber of things, so
tliut the first error of Mr. B.'s reason-,
ing is that lie Isgniltv of nnfrowlng the j
grounds of enjoyment by saying that j
we cannot love the other sex.
Tlirs mutual repulsion theory is not!
new. In an old copy of the ‘Mirror,’
we remember seeing nn article in which
the writer stated that, ill his opinion,
men niul women were adapted for any- !
thing rather than living harmoniously i
together. Vet, in answer to this, we
submit three -propositions.
First, that (lie real truth of life is in
its romantic element.
Secondly, that any strong emotion 1
implies its opposite: and thirdly,- that
what a person docs not understand he
dislikes; with nmlerUanding comes
love. 1
Of the romantic element, nich prac
tical men ignore, wlial can he stronger
than the feelings which each man lias
ofliis own past life, anfl which makes
it glow with the most brilliant colors,
while another man's, to him, seems dull ,
and tame. Men, in telling (licit1 own
jcotivoly imaginative, while in talking
even of the experience of their dearest
friends, there is nn objective enlaces ■
that cannot fall to be remarked. Why
this tree always a-sormlo'd, with a ;
thrill of pleasure? Why licit brook.!
witli a sinking of the breast ? Y ot from I
mything inherent in the objects them-1
selves, for others have not this pereep-;
lion of pleasure or pain with respect to.,
them, but simply from u- o.nations in.
my own life. Under this tree we u d '
to have our picnics: in that brook I
[•time near losing my life.
Tlie taste for beauty all the world
aver, is the result of assoeiaH.on.—
Where the perfection of life is consid
ered to he luxurious fndoleiieo, art that
displays relaxed attitudes mid repos
will have tlie greatest attraction. The
tree I think heauliful, may in truth he ,
hateful to one who enjoys only sym
metrical proportion.
The philosopher looking out upon
tlie wdrld sees nothing but vanity, sol- ;
lishiicss, ambition and lust, and sneers l
it tlie unfortunate dreamers who think j
they know aught that is good : but love
rotnes, and like a ray of light shining
rrqni tlie morning sun. illuminating
ileus of liltli and haunts of vice, passes i
iinong tlie dross of li.e, showing that
it is all gold.
Themis nothing a man cannot iove ,
if he comes to feel that he understands
it. To be sure, in tills world, we can
never be sure wo understand fully any
thing. So far, love is deceitful. Men
often like men best, because they un
derstand best Utoir ground - of action.
To love women yon niu>f understand
them, and this only coiuce fro age:! refill |
study and well employed opportuni
ties. There are two opposing elements :
In nmn. His artistic feeling of fitness 1
and tlie truth of experience. Young i
men and women are apt to dislike the
other sex because their experience con
tradicts their ideal: older ones because
their ideal is lost in worldly experi-1
ruoc. He only is trustworthy who i
steers by both lights.—[Waverly Mag-!
rziue.
--...'...I. .. " -.. ..
Technical Words.
In reading we frequently oomo across
leehuiculs with which we arc unac
quainted, the unih rsinuding of which
is necessary to give usjt correct idea of
the subject. To obviate this ditilcuUy
we give a definition of some of the
most coimuou:
A lirkiu of butter, 56 pounds.
A sack of coal, 221 pounds.
A truss of straw, f>6 pounds.
A stavo of lregip. 22 pounds.
A sack of Hour. 2.80 pounds.
A piggot of steel, 120 pounds.
A quintal, 100 pounds.
A truss of hay, fifipounds.
A bash, SO bushels.
A kilderkin. 18 gallons.
A barrel, 11(1 gallons.
A hogshead, .’ll gallons.
A puncheon, 81 gnllous.
English priees-cuiTcnt often peak of
the prices of wheat per quarter. To
reduce this to liar re! , multiply the
price by 7 and divide tjy 12, and it will
give the price, at the same rate by the
barrel. Tims, if wheat is quoted ai 5l>
shillings n quarter, multiply oil by 7,
and divide by 12, and it gives thu price,
shiililia - 8 pen. >■ i barrel.
8&y--I have lost ilc.-h, said a toper lo
ids companion.’ ‘No great loss,* said
the other; 'shirr you have made it up ,
in spirit*.'
Coallsgation,”
This sweet circumlocution of the
greatest infntny ever designed by any
political schemer is Thud Stevens’ own.
He uses it in n letter, published in our
telegraph columns, wherein he assails!
his colleague, Wilson, who, on his radi
cal tcrapernnee and abolition spree in
Virginia, promises admission of their
representatives and general amnesty to
the inhabitants of every stale who shall
elect rndfeals and temperance fanatics
as delegates to their conventions.— j
“Who is authorized to travel over this
country and peddle out amnesty? I
would say the tno.it guHty expect pun
ishment and then quietude. But first
a mild confiscation to pay those who i
have been robbed by disloyal men.""
says be immediately after bis recovery
from a severe illm ss. It seems that he
lms contracted a new case with the
devil, under the condition that tor the !
balance of bis life he shall out-devil ;
Lucifer. To introduce confiscation in ;
our politics is a monstrosity. Yet, !
horrid, as it is, men before hinj have j
advocated it in other countries. But. !
ransack history, rummage all the re-j
cords of medla val torture, one will not j
discover a parallel to this American J
radical’s MILI> confiscation. It is a
load in a cream saneer. It reminds us
of the carpet ifn Which the Hussian no
blemen are laid, when, for an injurious
expression against the czar, they are ,
treated to the bastinado. It is a capital |
sentence,-pronounced by smiling lips.
Eight or ten years ago, somewhere in
Illinois, a juvenile murderer was to be
lumg. A stupid editor of a country
paper, who was present at the execu
tion. entertained Ida readers with s do-j
scrip lion of it. He spoke of the newly j
decorated littie carriage, in which the!
culprit was brought lo the place of ex- '
edition l of the MCE white iittle cap j
which ihr ladies had prepared lor him.
He coll'd not find, the end of all the J
nicetiks of the < xecutiou. Sweet sfe
vens is a match for that nice editorial j
1. r . • *r»,-. — .t. „ n.... .
breath ran speak of uiildnc.-s and con
fiscation excels even Ihcadm' rr of the 1
nice white lit(!e e."[ . Hr should take '
out n patent on (lie invention of jui.iij
coXFfsc.vru x. It is worth millions, and
eternal damnation besides.—[St. Louis J
liepubiican.
—*«►* —
. #sr*Tlie St. Louis Times says: “Our |
new military Governors are, as Mrs.:
'Poodles would observe, the bandied
things a nation van have about the
house. 'They regulate everything,
from the sentiments of n newspaper,
down to the color-of a ribbon, hit
Charleston, Gen. sickles, suspends the j
State laws, arranges a firemens* proces
sion. regulates the Street-cars, supervi
ses the hanks, and refreshes the lagging
spirits of the loyal. Gem Sheridan ruts
more capers in oiliee Ilian he ever did I
on horseback, never seeming to tire in !
mnkinghimself obnoxious. He vacates 1
a dozen office^ at a time, appoints half:
his soldiers policemen, making the city
pay for it—cracks his whip mound the
newspapers in evidence of what he
will do if they do not subside into iti
ditlbreuee to or praise his meteoric
proceedings. The only pcrsoit who
has yet objected to any of these high
handed outrages is Secretary McCul
loch. lie does not relish General
Sickles' interference with the banks,!
and a telegram informs us his action
will he revoked. He can imprison a
half dazeu citizens—suspend a uew-pn- |
per for speaking its sentiments, or vio
late the Constitution in any wav he
chooses with impunity, but he must
not run counter to one of the .'secreta
ry’s regulations.
*
A Little Philosoi'HEk.'—A few Sab
baths since lida was, at her own re-1
quest, allowed to go to SabYiatli-sidiool
for the first time, mid-there she learned
the startling intelligence site was made
of diet! Little Fda's mind was lull y
improssed with the importance of (lie
great truth, as was evinced by tier fre
quent reference to the subject in the
shape of oucsUoiis unanswerable.
Tho other mo ruing, however, she
propounded a sitnnek which brought
down the house. Intently, watching
her mother sweeping, as if to learn the
art she must dually practice, saying not
a word, her eyes rested on the iitttle
pile of dirt accumulated by tho moth
er's broom. Just u- tho flirt was to be
swept into tho street, the little philoso
pher burst forth with, “Mn! inn! why
don't you save the dust to make some
uapre little girls i”
■--*4^*
Visiting an Koitoh.—lie sure and
make it your daily business to walk up
and s.fp the editor, and don't fall to go
in whistling very loud auti mournfully.
Ask the editor to show you a particu
lar paper of his exchanges. Take your
seat at the table and hurriedly com
mence to tear open tlie exchanges, and
scatter them around as much as possi
ble. You are helping tho editor along
immensely by this great kindness, and
if you will keep it up with religion ■
regularity fora year or two, some big*
editor will present yen with a pair of
hoots, i r at least ohe hoot. •There are
many other ways in which yon call he
of great assistance iu editing a newspa
per. 'A little "warbling” now and then s
is very agreeab^.—fOairo Democrat.
- - ,«•• -
(Mr A true philanthropist and a well.
trained h«r»e always stop tit the synod
of wo.
#£J"The lady who took everybody's
eye. must have quite a lot of them.
Tlje Conjugating Dutchman.
Two English gentlemen stepped into
a eofi'ce house in Paris, when they ob
served n tall, old looking man, who ap
peared not to he a native, sitting nt a
table, and looking around with stone
like gravity of countenance upon every
object. Soon utter tho two English
men entered, one of them told tho oth
er a celebrated dwarf bail arrived-in
Haris. At tliis the grave looking per
sonage above mentioned opened his
mouth and spoke:
“I arrive, said ho, “thou arrivest, he
arrives; we arrive, you arrive, they ar
rive.”
The Englishman, whose remark
seemed to have suggested this myste
rious speech, stepped up to the stranger
and asked:
“Did you speak to me, sir?”
“I speak,” replied the stranger, “thou
speakest, ho speaks; we speak, you
speak, they speak.”
“How is this?” said the indignant
Englishman, “do you mean- to insult
me?"
The other replied, “’I insult, thou in
sultest, lie insults, we insult, you insult,
they insult.”
“This is loo much, said the English
man, “I will have satisfaction. If you
have any spirit with your rudeness sir,
come with me.”
To this defiance the impurturblc
stranger replied:
“1 Cpmo, thou comes!, lie comes, we
come, you come, they come.” And he
(hereupon rose and followed the Eng
lishman.
In those days, when every gentleman
wore a sword, duels were speedily dis
patched. They went into a neighbor
ing alley, ami the challenger, unsheath
ing Ids weapon, said to his antago
nist :
•■.Vow, sir, you hare got to light
me.”
“I tight.” replied the other, “thou
tightest, he fight', we fight, (here he
made a flutist,) you fight, they fight,"
ami hero nc sniecctteti in disarming ins
antagonist.
‘•Veil.” aid tiio Tlnsrli-lnVmii, “you
have the imst of 11, and 1 hope you are
Satisfied.”
“T am satisfied," i-rplied the original,
-•tliou art satisfied. lie is satisfied, wo
are satisfied, yon are satisfied, they are
satisfied."
“I am glad everybody is satisfied,”
said the Englishman, "but pray, leave
off qni/dug me in this strange manner,
ami tell me what is your object in do
ing it."
'I’he grave gentleman now. for the
first time, became intelligible.
“I am a Dutchman," said lie, “and am
learning your language.’ 1 find it very
difficult to remember ilie peculiarities
Of the verbs, and my tutor has advised
me, in order to fix them in my mind, to
conjugate every. English verb Unit I
hear spoken. 1 don't like to have my
plans broken ill upon while they are in
operation,—or I would have told you of
it before.”
The Englishman laughed heartily at
tliis explanation, and invited the con
jugating Dutchman to go and ditto, with
him.
“I will dine,” replied he, “thou wilt
dine, he will dine, we will dine, they
will dine—wo will all dine together.”
This they accordingly did, and it is
difficult to say whether the Dutchman
eat or conjugated with most persever
ance.
The U. S. Treasury Building iu Jeer
pardy.
A Washington.correspondent makes
the follow ing statement in reference to
tin) United States Treasury building:
“Great fears are entertained that the
northeast corner of tins tine structure
will .soon topple down. Its basement
walls Imve settled several indies within
(lie last year, and the heavy granite
blocks arc many of them cracked,
while a portion of the brick walls are
crumbling away. East Thursday some
of this wall gave way, and yesterday a
large portion fell. The danger seems
niuuuiein, miu morn so w lien we rcneet
that should such a calamity occur be
tween the hours of !) o'clock in the af
ternoon the lives of a thousand persons
—gentlemen and ladies—would he
placed in jeopardy. The cause of this
weakness is the immense weight of
machinery employed in the Bruiting
Bureau of the Treasury. More than
live hyndred tous of machinery, en
gines, presses, etc., rest on the second
and third floors. And on tlie fourth
floor, even, there tiro some forty hy
draulic presses, weighing four tons
each, besides four steam engines, and
other machinery.
On the second floor are also the im
mense i ash vaults of the Treasury,
which, alone, weigh many tons, and
the strain is altogether more than the
buiMing can boar. And unless this
great w eight is removed, the dyy seems
not far distant (indeed it may he fear
fully near at hand) when we shall have
to record a terrible heart-rending, sonl
sie.kening catastrophe.
I’ongress, last year, appropriated
sAM.OK) for the construction of a suit
able building for this heavy business;
hut 1 believe, ow lug to some disagree
ment between the superintendent and
the architect whose business it is to
submit designs, nothing has been done
toward remedying the evil. Immedi
ate attention should he given to this
important matter, and, surely, sonic-1
body is responsible for the long delay.
jU-v* A calm man is like a school
master, because be keep* eyol.
Hints to Tradesmen.
On the general principles which In
sure success, are:
lie pome—Work at clerking till you
save enough to start on.
lie polite—Owe uo man a dollar.
lie polite—Trust nothing; you can
sell without.
lie polite—Rise early and work till
late.
lie polite—Know the market value
of what von buy,-and Its demand.
Re polite—Keep slow goods moving.
Be polite—Be honest, economical and
Industrions.
Bo polite—Take care of that which
needs care.
Bo polite—Cheap bought; easy sold.
Be polite—Keep insured.
Be polite—Make your customers’ in
terest your own.
Be polite—Keep expenses down, and
make your profits rise.
Be polite—Catch the passing penny,
then hold it.
Be polite—Keep your glass, stock,
ami your conscience clear.
flBe polite—Buy slow ; sell quick.
lie-polite—Beware of your friends,
but not your customers.
lie polite—Mind your own business;
you can't afford to attend to another's
without [giy.
Be polite—When you buy, keep otto
eye on the goods, and the other on Hie
seller.
Be polite—When you sell, keep both
eye; oil the buyer.
Be polite—Few words and many
pen tiles; time is money.
Be polite—A failure, iflionest. is cap
ital by experience ; start anew do, not
lose it.
Be polite—Advertise liberally, espe
cially in your home papers.
By (hr use of these Very genera! prin
ciples, it i; easy to get business; and
this is ail that is necessary to make
money.
----
Old Fun,
Throe hundred aiwi fifty vonrs a2*0.
Wvnkyn de Worde, who Imd his office
in Fleet Street, London, "at svgue of
tlie S'.vau'j published his “Deuiauu
des Joyoi'j," which will show the no
tions of fuu w;hich prevailed at that
time. ,
Ques.—What br'rc the host burden
that ever was horn? Ana.—The ass
that carried our lady when she fled in
to Egypt with out"Lord.
Q.—What became of that ass ? A.—
Adam's mother ate her.
Q.—Wiio was Adam's mother? A—
The earth.
Q.—IIow many cows’ tails would it
t ake to reach from the earth to tho sky ?
A.—Mo more than one if it bo long
enough.
Q.—What is the distance from the
surface of the sea to the deepest part
thereof? A.—Only a stone’s throw.
Q.—When Antichrist appears in the
world, what, will he the hardest thing
for him to understand ? A.—A hand
barrow : for of that lie shall not know
whifeli end ought to go foremost: '
Q«—What is it that never was and
he never will ? A —A mouse's nest in
neat's car.
Q.—Why do men make an oven in a
town ?. A.—Because they canuot make
a town in an oven.
Q.—IIow may a man discern a cow
in a flock of sheep ? A.—By his eye
sight.
Q.—Why doth a cow lie down ? A.
-^•Because she cannot sit.
Q.—What, is'it that never free/.cth ?
A.—Boiling water.
Q.—Which was the first, the lien or
flic egg? A.—The hen, at the crea
tion.
Q.—How many straws go to a goose’s
nest? A.—Mbit one; for, straws not
having feet, cannotgo anywhere.
A Due! and its Consequences.
An amusing duel took place recently
about five miles from Havana. It orig
inated in a remark made by a man to
his friend on seeing a lady come out of
church. The lady was unknown to tlie
nersou.in iking the remark, but hannen
oil to bo the other’s wife. A slap in
the face was the consequence, ami a
fhall.-ngo came soon after. This was
accepted and the seconds selected a
place. The wife got wind of the affair
and immediately took steps to pre
vent the dreadful catastrophe. Her first
thought was to notify the police, but
that might have given her husband the
reputation of a coward, and she took a
better method, by going to the house
of the other party, where she met his
wife, anil a plan was soou concocted
between the females.
On the morning app'oiutcil for the
duel both husband* got up early, wives
ditto. Husbands took carriages, and
their wives—one armed with live
children, and the other with three^
took other vehicles in waiting, Wdion
the two duelists arrived at the ground,
they were somewhat astonished on see
ing the two other carriages driVo up
witli their passenger*, who eooly in
formed the men that they had come to
light, so a> to make it a complete fami
ly quarrel, each at the time producing
an empty purse and a package of baby
linen as their arms and munitions of
war. The little ones hnd pop guns and"
Urecrackers, and soen sonto indulged
in a cry. it is needless to add that the
blood-thirsty Benedicts made peace on
the spot, and returned to Havana, in
company with their seconds, to cele
brate the affair over a big champagne
dinner.'
SALMAGUNDI.
“Pride gocth before a fall.” It
often goes before a waterfall.
MP'Ilftilway jams are anything but
preserve*.
AV hat is better than a promising
young man ? A paying one.
J©-Night threw her mantle o'er the
world and pinn d it wtjh a star. Tasty,
wasn’t she?
i-aTA lazy fellow, lying down on the
grass, said: “Oh, liow I do wish this
was called work, and was well paid
for.”
« .
J©*AFlien Sheridan kept a school, ho
had in one of his classes a boy who al
ways read “partridges” for patriarchs,
r'.atop sir I” exclaimed the wag of a
teacher, “you shall not ninko game of
the patriarchs!”
I t&gy* Sortie of the girls have remon- .
strut fed against a patent being used for
fastening buttons on clothes by a screw,
declaring that if the men can put their
own buttons on in that way, they will
never get married.
J&yA lady fainted a few days since
in the ears. * A medical gentlemen pres
ent. who went to her relief, exclaimed r
“Has any gentlemen a flask of whisky
or brandy?” Over thirty pocket pis
tols flashed in the air at once.
J©*An ugly lawyer, while examin
ing a young.indy witness, in court, en
deavored to perplex her, by saving:
“Upon mv word, you are very pretty."
Tlie young lady promptly replied : “I
would re I urn the compliment, but I'm
| on oath.”
8©*A lyuuIsomo young bride was
i observed to be in deep reflection on lier
| wedding day. One of her bridesmaids;
I asked the subject of her meditation.—
“I was thinking,” she replied, “which
of my old beaux I should marry, if I
should become a widow.”
JS3“A mayor of a village in Frnnoe,
had occasion to give a passport to a dis
Ifiuguisiiea personage in 111s nrignooi
j hood who was blind of an eye. Fear
ful of offending the good man, he
adopted the following ingenious expe
dient of avoiding the mention of Ids
dcfiohtiitr : “Black eyes, one of which
is absent.”
#iey*In a parish scliool Iho master was
examining' a class in orthography.—
“Spell and define floweret,” said he*
“F 1 o w e r e t, floweret, a little flow
er.” “Wavelet.” “Wavclot, wave
lot, a little wave.” “Bullet.'’ “B u 1 -
lot, a little bull,” shouted urchin No.
three.
Cay-Thc red man’s answer to tho
bigot was a good ’tin: “Why do you
not come to the house ol God on the
Sabbath and hour me preach ? said lie
once to a “perverted” Indian.”
“Ugh1” replied the savage, “me go in
the woods, Sunday; Goo preach
THERE 1”
£t*9"Fraisc your wife* man, for pity
sake give her a little encouragement,it
won’t hurt her. She lias made your
home comfortable, your heart bright
aud shining, your food agreeable ; for
pity sake, tell her that you thauk Iter,
if nothing more. She don’t expect it;
it will make her eyes open wider than
they.have this ten years, but it will do
her goad for all that, and you too.
g@“Pcoplc often speak of a trillion as
a possible number. The fact is that
not a trillion of seconds lias elapsed
j since the creation of Adam! nor will
I that number liavo elapsed until Febro
1 ary 1st, in tire year of our lord 25,825!
j for iu a trillion of seconds there are
131,<>87 years, 52 days, 1 hour, 4ti minutes
i and 10 seconds.
wish I was a ghost—blamed if
i [ don't,” soliloquized a loafer, the other
night. “They goes just where thpy’rc
a mind to, toll free ; they don’t owe no
body nothing ; they never buys clothes
aud wittles, uor lias to saw wood ami
run arfants, as I do. Their shirts don't
never git dirty, nor their trowsers out
at the knees, as I ever heard tell of.aud
blamed if 1 don’t wish I was one.”
S-£r* Napoleon, Arkansas, is respon
sible for the following anecdote of a
Texas soldier:
While trudging along one day all
alone, a soldier met a Methodist circuit
rider and at once recognized lain as
such, but affected ignorance of it.
Drencher,—"What command do you
belong to ?”
Soldier.—"£ belong to the —th Texas
regiment, Van Dorn’s army. What
army do you belong- to ?”
I’rojichor.—(Very solemnly.)—“I be
long to the army of the Lord!”
Soldier.—“Well, my friend, vou'vo
got a very long way from Head Quar*
! tors!”
- - — «•»
A Xom.r. Sentiment.—Some true
| heart lias given expression to its gen
erous nature in the following beautiful
j sentiment;
"Never desert a friend when enemies
i gather round him. When sickness
falls on the heart, when the world is
idark and cheerless, is the time to try a
true friend, They who turn from a
seeuo of distress betray their hypocrisy
and prove th tt Interest mores them.
If ybu have a friend who loves you,
tic sure to sustain him in adversity.—
Lot him fee! that his former kindness
is appreciated, and that his love is not
thrown away. Real tldelity Ynay
rare, lint It exists in the heart. Who
has not seen and felt its powers ? They
deny its worth who never loved a
friend, or labored to make a friend
hippy.’’