"How I Seized '.Mv* Opportunity” continued*
"Then-he turned to me and in the tone of one 7*0 is almost beaten, inquired
"Pooh, what word of five letters means a cold, dwelling'place- can on y , 4
a New York apartment’. "Kr a moment the circle of worn, tense faces upset me, .
I pulled myself tor,sther. ’ Igloo’, I cried, and as the room rocked I knew my cha., ,
had come”. —Cros9 Word1 Puzzle from Life. unwise
Now that the Christmas delude is about to fall onus it wcula not
to recall Ed Wynn1s sage observation, old but still rood, That if you c
both ends meet, make one of ’em vegetables • ---Infantry School ews. ^
He - May I have the pleasure of this dance? She - Yes, exclusive y. ,
Etiquette Of‘The Hat. - Without consulting any of the authority -
we will answer the quest ion,” VJhen is the proper time for a ** foilow
his hat?" For the benefit of the readers. At the following times cn rcumst^nce*
ing occasions , respect fully, the hat should be removed or Hfted^as the circu -
indicate: Wien mopping the brow; when taking a bath;when ea inrr, ’ gharroooed"
when taking up a collection; when having the hair trimmed; when being shampooed
and v/hen standing on tne neaa* ---wuu# f pother
Impossible, Q.E.D.- It was the custom of the immortal Socr.tes . ^
with a circle of philosophers and geometricians about a convivial bowl, dr. g
inspiration from .the vintage of Bacchus, nevertheless having a corking ti. .
the tenth round he would rise for it is written that he always could rise - and
address the symposium. "I move," he would say, "that this C1™1® j? “ , f
square itself." And so seriously did the multitude take him^hat J3.
the circle grew to be considered impossible, yea, even un o y* „ia«scrnom
As It Is Spoken In New York. -It was in the little but overcrowded cl. ss
of an East Side New York public school. The teacher looked upon a group ofeager
faces as she put the question: "And now, children, can any of you tell me what is
a stoic?2 Only one hand went up. "Does only Abie Gluts know what a stoic is. ^
Silence. "Well Abie, toll your classmates what a stoic is. Please, toac ,
said Abie triumphantly, "a stoic is a boid what brings th babies. —ixch.
A Bad Break. - He (teachin- her to drive) - In case of emergency, the first
thing you want to do is to put on the brake. She - Why, I thought it came with the
car. —Purple Parrot
The Voice. - I
The Voice. - I awake, startled by a voice close behind me. I turned but could
distinguish nothin^. All around me was black - an impenetrable darkness save for
ffoUtX shaft of misty light that pierced the air
It was close to nw ear. It said, in a raucious whisper, You re c nplcteiy -y
power. Your life^Lies in the hollow of my hand". I Started. Silence. Then apai
came: "Only a moment longer and you will be no more." The strain upon my s ^ -
nerves was becoming insufferable. Silence again. Suddenly I h a.r_
ear- "Your time has come". Completely unstrung 1 sprang to my feet and wheeled
about,"Dam it, womn," I hissed, "aren’t the movie serials bad enough without read
ing the subtitles aloud?". — Exchange.
An extract from "Pete Retires" as published in the Atlantic monthly. - when
I seen you come in", said fee to Pete with a deliberate emphasis on each sarcastic
word, "5 knowed things was getting no better fast. Well take off your mask, mall
know you”, (ed. Note.- Pete had prevoously been described as looking like - „
cartoon of an American soldier) "Are your feet flat, or what is wrong with you?
fee demanded. "I mean besides your looks? This regiment consists of.eV^"'^ “£°dy
wants. It’s made of leftovers, like Sunday night supper. When they issue *“+ !!’
belts and hat cords are the only things that fit. They give us miles that eat more
arid'do less than any other aninals in the service. The only part of their harness
that won’t nuke ’ em balk is their nosebags". "How’s the officer?" Pete asked. Like
ieZTJ only more so," complained Jim Curran, the stable sergeant. The government
' em commissions inst ead o f
SS: thing's ince you come." "how do you foe.?" "Rotten snapped fee.
"No? r k in the regiment .Some wops wears white caps and hangaroundth^troop
kitchens^ They heat up the beans before messtime; but they ain’t cookl.cln openers.