"THE LAMENTING LIDJIT"
By George T. Masury
The quiet air of Chilkoot Barracks, Alaska, was rtidely shattered, first by
the sound of rapid steps along the board walk that leads from Post Headquarters
to the troop barracks; second, by the sound of the owner of the feet which stepped
so blimhely, bursting forth into song more noted for its power than for its music
..al ability. The words, however, were clearly defined as he sang:
"I was floating down theChilkat River
In rry cottonwood canoe;
I floated too far and got wrecked cn a bar,
I lest all rry chow and what got rry goa-’ , too,
Was I lost a whole case of six weeks’ home brew,
So I had to drink that whole blame river dry
To get back my home brew."
A figure which had been doring on the bench on the Hospital porch straight
ened up, look ed toward the singer, snorted and exclaimed:
"For the love of Mike, Pedro*. Can that musical burglary’."
"Musical burglary? How come, Fht?" asked Pedro as he stopped singing and
came to a halt.
Sure, creaking ir.to song is musical burglary, ain't it?" asked Iht Mathews *
'Vhere did you get at? How come you got so much exuberance of spirits?"
To the first question: you're right, it is* To the second: I'm up the pole.
To the third: to be perfectly explicit with a medical gentleman of your ability
and standing, my exuberance is caused by the stimulus of interrolocu?ar diffusion
of the inspired oxygen of this Alaskan air, and the fact that the C „ 0* has just
given me a three day hunting pass to hunt for lid jits," answered P edro•
Lid jits * bhax kind of animals are those," queried Fat.
"Lidjitsb Do yon mean to tell me that you being here in Alaska as long as
you have and don t know what lid jits are yet. G' wan, you're trying to kid me/"
exclaimed Pedro.
iMO
it's a fact, what are lid jits?" again asked Fat fiat hews
"Well, I was in a hurry, but if you will produce a tailor-made cigarette
esterf..eld P* oferror) and will shove yourself over and give me about a quar
tG/°f *hat oench> -v endeavor to instruct you a little in the natural history
0f th®rr^‘la®kai;.» stated Pedro as he started up the hospital steps.
-h^ a.ifljit , sain Peiro, as he helped himself to the extended package,
whi„h he oho ign<; iwlij, p.-.aced in his pocket, "The lid jit is better known as the
’Alaskan ' amenting Lidjit1 to keep from getting it mixed with just common every
day lidjits • This peculiar animal is so dog^-goned homely that it feels sorry for
itself and weeps all the time*, It weeps so much that; it can be tracked easily by
its tear drops. It being a night maneuvering animal the best time to hunt it is
on cold nights because the tears freeze and can be easily seen on the ground. It
makes a queer whimpering, crying sound and can be heard a long ways on cold nights;
but it is easily caught. An y0u got to do is to get a sack, hold the mouth open
and start to cry* The lidjit comes up to you and thinks you are crying in sy.rwni;} -
with him and thfet makes him feei so bad that he crawls in the sack to hide, -■•ou
got to be careful that it is a cold night though* I caught one on a warm night
and before I could get back to the camp the dog-gone lidjit had completely disolvi
and all I had left in the sack was salt water and bubbles. Well, that’s that* So
long’. --See you later."
That man is the tallest liar in Alaska," said Fat, as he watched the receed: •
back of Pedro* "And," he continued as he reached in his pocket for the cigarette
package that Pedro had purloined. "And," he repeated, "As usual he talked my cig
arettes —- my last package, too --- clear out of ray pocket into his* Dog-gone
him*. Lidjit s’. Alaskan Lamenting Lid jit s’. Huh’."