X 0 OT IE X 0 L U M IT.
TtfTtle' things that st 1 ck).
I’LL FIX YOU UP PAY-DAY:
Summary Court Officer: "Low Private Cimo , have you anything
further to offer this court that will cause it not to impose
the extreme penalty for ycur offense?"
Private Cimo: "Well, sir, I haven’t anything with me, hut I’ll
fix you up pay-day".
LOST FAMOUS WAB SO'TG:
Young teacher: "Bobby, did you ask your father what the most
famous war song is?"
Young Bobby: "Yes, hiss, he said it was "Here Somes the Bride".
THE SERGEANT ’S Ofl WORDS:
Ex-soldier’s wife: "My dear Jim.’ You learned to drill in tne
Army - why can't you pick this up? It’s a perfectly simple step.
Anyone would think you were mentally deficient".
Ex-soldier husband: "Almost the sergeant Ts own words, my dear'.,
A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM:
'When Company E was training in the South during the early nays
of the World War, their regular Captain was transferred and sup
planted by an officer who looked more like a schoolboy than a
Captain. Company B thought they would have some fun with him.
The next day when they went out to drill the Captain called them
to attentioi and the following conversation took place:
Captain: "Company, attention". u
A voice from the rear rank: "And a little child shall lead^them
Captain: "The man who said that will take one pace forward".
Instantly the whole Company stepped up.
Captain: "All right.’ Company dismissed".
Cn the Company bulletin that evening was written: "Company B,
101st Infantry, will take a 20 mile hike at 4 A.M. tomorrow with .
full packs, AID A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM, OH A DARTED GOOD >
HORSE". I
SQUEEZED HIM TO DEATH:
A soldier had been telling a young Haines Debutante how he had
killed a German in the World War and was showing her the gun that
did the trick. The young Deb. said: "Point the gun at mo that I
may know how that poor man felt".
Another soldier promptly stepped up and said: "I also killed
one,Miss". Yeung Deb."And did you shoot him?" Soldier: "Ho, my
dear, let me show you, I put my arms around him and squeezed him
to death".
THINGS THE GIRLS HAVE GIVEN V. H. W. :
V.H. W. Says: "The girls have given me fits, encouragement, the
blues, red neckties, a pain, excuses, sisterly advice, other kinds
of advice, the headache and lastly, the air". And he has just
returned from Juneau, too.’
GETTING OUT THE! KCOTIE KOLUMN SOME JOE:
Getting out the Kootie Kolunm is no picnic.
If we print jokes, folks say we are silly.
If we don’t, they say we are too serious.
If we publish original matter, they say we lack variety.
If we publish things from other papers, we are too lazjr to write.
If we stay on the job, we ought to be out rustling news.
TIMELY NOTICE:
4 076 people died last year of gas, 39 innaled it. 37 put a
lighted match to it, and 4,000 STEPPED ON IT. Enough said’