' iMinjfr M3D jpSKHRES ...
(assorted calibres) .
Hum Dinner is a pal of hers and a writer of popular songs. She thought she
would like to go with him to the theatre the other night, so she celled up in tho
afternoon ah his office. A voice came softly, almost confidentially, over the
telephone wire: Cuddle up a little closer, can't you, dear? - It’s just.Bidwell c v’
whispering here into your ear”. ”Is that you, Hum?”, she asked foolishly. It’s
nobud-ee, nobud-ee nohow but me," he replied* "So speak up baby, just like a jittx
lady siltin' pretty on her dear old mammy’s knee in Tennessee.*' "Sr-.Vnis is Edna '
she oubstanciated rather selfconscii’.sly. "Have you anything on for tonight?’1
"I may play around with others, as sisters do with their brothers; but my time is
yours and mother's, when I'm through," he volunteered cordially. "Very well, 1-s . o
she interposed; "how about a show? - The newspapers speak favorably without excep
tion, of the new play at the Ife. jestic *" He took her up on *che spot: "Nothing could
be finer than to go with you, old timer, there this eve-ve-ningV, Nothing could be
sweeter -n "Where shall I look for you?" she cut in quickly, "When it's night-time
at the Majestic, I'll be waiting in the lobby for you, dear',"he promised. "Eight
o'clock, then," she shot back, somewhat hurriedly. She was on a party line. "You r- *
the date, kid, and I won't be late, kid, when those wedding bells of fate, kid, rin
for two, sweethearts so true," he hastily assured her* "All right then," she said
eight o'clock, don't forret. Will you have the tickets? Well, goodbye."."When you
say 1 Good-bye’ , I could cry, dear, I could cry till my heart breaks in two; it •>
hard to explain, for there's no sign of rain, but I I'm feeling so lonely and blue.
So if you want to cheer me up and fill my lif's sweet cup, don't say'good bye’,
whatever you do - say, fSo long, honey." - it sounds so sweet and sunny - and I'll
say, 'So long, honey' • - Same to you'.’", he rejoined, with a click of the receiver.
(The above from Life)
WUn: "You say your -father died of consumption?" Too: "Yes, he was an African
Missionary-." - Foretop.
"Restus; Shat kind of huntin’ dog is dat?" '"Pends on how hungry he is" -Li -e
Heard in New York - Visitor: You have a wonderful city here. Citizen (mcdest-1;
Thanks. -Life. ' —
Slim Clue. Visitor: The country hereabouts is mostly level, isn't it?
Fhrmer: Well, there are a few politicians we are suspicious of.
but we aim* got no actual'proof. -Life. M
Said the Listerine bottle to the onion,” breath where is thy sting? -Log.
No Exceptions. — The wife and daughter of Colonel berry, camp Commander, cr
to the gate after taps and demanded admission. The sentry objected,. "But, try dear
man, you don't understand", expostulated the older woman, "v/e are the Berrys”.
"I don't care if you are the cat's whiskers", retorted the sentry. "You can't get
in at this hour". - American Legion Weekly. .
Brilliant. I have a new name for my girl; I call her Post-Script.
Tine. Where is the connection?
Brilliant - Her name is Adeline. - Punch Bowl.
After waiting nearly a.n hour for his meal, the $ob called the waiter over
and said to him, "This is a very beautiful city you have here. Have you ever been
out to see the great London Zoo? Well, you ought to go sometime - you'd oe surprise
to see the turtles whiz by'," -Log.
How I Seized My Opportunity. - Believing that the first step on the road to
success involves the seizing of one's opportunity, the Editors have asked the |■<
ident of a well known Rotary Club to tell how he seized his. Mr.W'aldemar X.Pooh,
inventor and manufacturer of the Double-Cross Bucket for catching lambs, writes a??
follows: "I was just a clerk when ny opportunity came. I had brought some papers
to the president of the company - he was in conference, as usua.1 - when the third
vi<represident, the best dressed man I ever saw before he took to stripes, said
'Let us ask Pooh’ . The directors took one look at me and laughed; but the third
tfiee president hashed their mirth. "We a.re in desperate straits he said gravely.
Everything else has’ failed. "What have we to „
*r * ~xv-:VL(continued on page gO