WHY PEDRO ENLISTED."
By George T.Masury.
"Pedro”, said “Irish” Rogerson: "What did you do before you catia in the Army?"
"Well, "Irish”, Pedro answered: ” I lived way back in the sticks in a dangerous
place Where the grass was full of blades, the trees were shooting in the Spring
and all the flowers he.d pistils. The rent on my farm was so large' I had be
sew it with spuds and onions. I planted' ’em close together so the tear produ c
ing effect of the onions on the eyes of the spuds made them' self irrigating."
"Gee whiz*.”; “Irish" interrupted, ""But how did you water the onions?"
"Well you see "Irish": Pedro replied. "The rent was'dev/ every month so they
were well moistened. Things went along until harvest time and as I
needed a couple of more hands I just doubled my fists and started in on the spuds
but potato rot caused by the rotary motion of the earth spoiled them all*'
Ihen my hogs took sick and I had to kill them to cure them. Then I
killed all my chickens-"
"what did you kill them for"?: interrupted "Deacon Dunbar". "Just
could*nt stand their fowl language": continued Pedro, and besides they would lay
wherever I put them after they were dead." "Huh.": ejected "Deacon".
"Yeh.": Pedro'Continued: One morning I noticed all the little song birds were
sad, right downcast, so I .investigated the next morning and they were even sadde ~
Believe me it was a melancholy scene with all them little birds sitting theae
in the trees early in the morning." "What was the matter with them?"; eagerly
asked "Irish". "They were sad son, because all theit little bills were all
overdue ; was the reply.
"well long about early winter"; continued Pedro: "the wind blew eo cold
and euttiftg one night that when I woke the ndxt horning the whole blame forest
had been cut into cord wood, so I 9old out and went to fishing for a living as
there is more money in fishing*" ■
How come?"quenried the "deacon" i "Well yoti see "Desk", all the money you
make fishing is net profit. But I quit. X just could’nt stand'it, Pedro
mournfully said. "Why?"; asked "Irish". "Thw business made me seffish,
Pedro said, "and besides my boat was so slow X had to make it fast with a rope,
so I up and quit and became a still-miner". "Still-miner! "What*s thht;
Asked "deacon" and "Irish" in chorus* "Huh! Where were you fellows
educated?", asked P©df^ "A still-miner is a man who turns his quarts into gold
But then I always got my gold quickly as there is more money in paper bills."
"How* s that"?; elclaimed "Smock"Kishtner as he j-oined the crowd.
"Why you can double your paper money when you put it in your pocket." said Pedro.
"Well." he continued. "I quit that and traveled around the* world and ran around
from place to place and from pole to pole-"
"What's the difference between the two poles, Pedro? asked "Irish".
"All the difference in the world, my boy"f he answered. • "Well I ran around
until I finally got a job where I cpuld'nt run any more." "Where was that? "
asked "Smock". "I joined the standing army.? said Pedro, as he beat it for
the Mess Hall, one minute before the bell rang.
End. - . - ,
• IKE fULLQ?I;!K ARIff SHEIK.
I am a galloping army sheik
And I love a girl, I do,
A lover I am to make a maid shriek
If ever I stand to woo.
My love, she uses G.I.soap,
For she has a G.I.face.
Her form is like a G.I.can
How she talks is a disgrace.