MEDICAL DEPARTMENT NF.«S LETTER.
Dear Editor:- .This/is headed ’’News Letter1^/out as fafc as news
is concerned it will probably have as much value as Austrian mon
ey, which.it seams, is being used as wall paper, it requiring more
paper money to buy wall paper that would be required to paper a
house, and news is about as scarce as snow on the parade ground#
Nothing has happened of sufficient interest to write about,and
the most interesting thing of the season is still anticipated,
and that is the Military Ball tonight, by the way, we would like
to know just what is meant by "Military Ball” in this sense, is it
because they are going to serve beans ?
Here's a riddle, ;/hat is a bonus Bill ? Also what is a pay Bill ?
A reward of four ounces of castor oil will be given as first prize
to the best answer,, two ounces of MgSo4 will be given as second
prize, third prize, Ain't no more# To give you some idea of an ans
wer we quote the following, which gives you an idea why a Pay Bill
and a Bonus Bill are similar to a foot ball.
"Following are the numbers of copies of speeches made and distrib
uted throghout the country at public expense, as taken from the fig
ured of the Government Printing Office, July l/l6 to Sept .15/19:
Sec .McAdoo ,25,060, 000'copies ; Pres, (ex) 1,113,362; Sec .Glass, 500, 000;
P.M. Burleson ,165, 000; Herbert Hoover ,160, 000, Sec .Houston,74,000;
Sec.Lansing, 65, 000,Sec.Lane, 62, 000;Sec•'Wilson, 50, 500, talker D .Hines,
20,500,Samuel Gompers.10* 000; The V/ar Department is credited at the
Printing office with o'nly 500 copies of speeches; the Navy with none"
•Vhich same indicates that according to some people the pen is
mightier than the sword, but what were they all about ? How time
does fly,three-tenths of a second is the time required for a signal
to pass thru the Atlantic cable, 2700 miles long, oh,boy, that sure
am traveling, and they tell us that a bullet travels faster than j*
sound, and if a man is struck by a bullet and instantly killed at a
distance of, say 1000 yards,he is dead before the report of the rifle
that fired the bullet could reach him, and believe us sound sure
does travel fast. The’first thing you know we will all be dead and
we will not know it until we have passed to the Great Beyond. Speaking
of the weather reminds us of one: SELF HELP;
Voice:"Is this the leather bureau ? How about a shower tonight ?"
Prophet :"Do n’t ask me. If you need one take it yourself.”
It seems as tho the weather was conspiring to keep us from having
the big Inspection, but we sure hope it rains like ?$$”)’ tomorrow,
did you ever stay up all night and dance and then try to do some
thing the next day ?. I have, but not because I wanted to. Ask Perry,
he knows what I mean, but get him off-tb one side so no one but the
birds hear the expletives and explosives with which he will explain,
ii/hich same reminds us of another one:
Mr .Batz ; "You ought to brace up and show your wife who is running
things at your house".
Mr .Meek : "Don’t worry.it isn* t nece ssary, she knows" .
But that’s alright, I'm in the same boat.
Trouble Af$ot‘.
"Says the shoe to the stocking,’I'll rub a hole in you’"
"Says the stacking to the shoe,'I'll be darned if you do’".