VOLSTAD ACT
IS APPLIED
TO ALASKA
(From Fairbanks News-Miner)
■So much iiVerest has been mani
fest in Our Town as to whether the
Volstad act applies to Alaska and
kills all other liquor acts alludin’ at
or appertainin’ to Alaska, that the
News-Miner has gone into the matter
as far and as fast as it could. As a
result of telegraphing the attorney
general, interviewing officials here
and studying the act as best we could
V our lawless way, we are here today
to render the decision that it does—
that you can keep it in your house and
ease it into your guests if you can
first get it into your home.
Straws in the Wind
First, Federal Judge Bunnell has
quit tending bar, as he was compelled
or empowered to do under the Alaska
bone-dry law, and has issued orders
to Clerk Kelly to make out no more
permits for alcohol. So far as he can
see, the Volstead act is working here
--the Canal Zone is exempted, and if
any other part of the United States
was exempted it would be so stated
in the act.
Second, the booze detectives and
prosecutors maintain a dignified si
./-* •
lence upon their interpretation of the
act, going so far as to state that they
i^ve the act, but that they have not
taken the time to study it; in the mean
their regular Tuesday and Sat
urday raids seem to have been sus
pended; and it is the consensus of
local official opinion that a district at
torney on the coast has looked into
the matter, and that he finds that it
does apply to Alaska, as contained in
his story printed in this paper as
taken from the Cordova Times.
ucurge nuicmnson, r\mg
And, under the Volstead act, George
Hutchinson, treasurer-in-general in
Our Town, is king of the alcohol traf
fic. According to the Volstad act,
nobody can import it or prescribe it
or encompass it in any way until they
have first seen George. The first thing
George has to do, according to the
law, is to come to the Hometown Print
shop and have a lot of books printed,
said books consisting of stubs and or
ders for liquor—having them, he is
compelled to give said books fr§e to
doctors, who are thereafter the bar
tenders of Our Town. While the act
doesn’t mention George by name, it
lffcit3 all the power in the hands of
the internal revenue bunch, of which
George is the sole animal in captivity
here of that species. So they are go
ing to let George do it. The only
thing which makes us think that
George wants to do it is because the
duties of the office carry no salary or
emoluments with them—just like all
the treasurerships George holds; it is
to be a labor of love.
An Erroneous Title
So, rather than get into trouble
and a row with his friend, George
Hutchinson, Federal Judge Bunnell
has quit the liquor traffic, and has
passed the buck up to George and
with much satisfaction. Judge Bun
nell, as everybody knows, is a real
human; a kind-hearted man whom the
^story of sickness and suffering always
shocks; an Alaskan who delights to
believe that this is the healthiest
country on earth; a prudent man, and
w^ffee in his day and age as to the
proper system to pursue in financial
matters. - He is of the opinion that
the title of the Volstead act should
read:
“An act for the relief of federal
judges in Alaska.”
For he was strictly up against it
in many ways. For instance, he was
listening to stories of sickness in men
who looked strong enough to do a day’s
work, and who swore that they needed
alcohol for medical purposes—of
course, they wouldn’t lie about it. He
was being made to believe that half
the huskies , in Our Town were just
about to shuffle off this mortal coil,
j and that only alcohol would save them.
That enlisted his sympathy and hurt
his tender heart. Then, the business
was getting so prosperous that it was
occupying his time until, as a method
ical man, he was beginning to believe
that he would save valuable time by
splitting the judging business and the
j whisky business into regular hours,
adjourning court at a certain hour,
donning a white coat and apron and
tending bar for a certain number of
hours, and he knew as a business man
that the bartenders’ trade seems to
have no future before it at this time.
So he was glad to embrace the chance
to pass it all up to George, and has,
virtually done so, although, like Rep.
Volstead, he doesn’t mention George
by name.
The Deductions
Therefore we are prepared to as
sert that the Volstead act is working
here, and that you can keep it in your
house if you can get it into your
house and have the desire to keep it
after you get it—the ability, as well
as the desire, two qualities which we
do not possess ‘in common. The phy
| sicians can go to George Hutchinson
Rnd get certificates entitling them to
give prescriptions for booze (if they
need such permission) and they can
peddle those little orders on drug
gists to sick men. Said sick men can
go to the drug store and get whisky,
wine, beer or gin—if they can; if the
drug stores have them, which they
haven’t. Probably the best the drug
store can do for you is to sell you
something just as good—a cigar, for
instance. And there will be no re
lief from the drug store in Our Town
until
The Transportationists
come to the relief of the drug stores,
which they are not inclined to do. Be
fore the drug store can sell the whisky
it must get it from the wholesale drug
gist on the Outside, and no transporta
tion company will guarantee to de
liver the goods if shipped by them, be
cause of the drunken sailors who in
] test the ships that go down to the
sea or come up the river to Our Town,
and who wouldn’t hesitate a minute to
broach cargo if they thought it was
that kind of cargo. The steamer might
start out from Seattle with the goods
.purchased of the internal revenue shop
or a wholesale druggist, but Lloyd’s
would not insure the cargo arriving in
port, nor would you.
And there you are.
Take it, or leave it alone. It is no
trouble to leave it alone if you haven’t
it; before you take it you must first
find it.
Aside from that, everything is all
right in Our Town.
A. KRISTOFERSON
n (Incorporated) Seattle j
, WHOLE SWEET MILK
WHIPPING CREAM
BUTTERMILK
BULGARIAN BUTTERMILK
Cordova Beverage &
Dairy Co.
Distributors
Phone 187
■m
"-—...■» —-I
v * (- i «j - * •» i _ ■. *
JUST RECEIVED
A LARGE SHIPMENT OF
LIVE CHICKENS
\ * i
Good Roasters
JOE FREY
Phone 22
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X* —— -----—— ——-— X;
i‘ t
I i
1 SOME- I
1- THING I
I NEW! I
& X
| Charley Chong, the sourdough |
| restaurant man, is now open for |
I business at the old stand, just §
| back of the Bank of Alaska, in
| Burkhart way. Delicious Chop
1 Suey, Noodles, all kinds of Sand
V V.
I wiches and lunches—clean and
A •%" 1
• « • • i
| cozy boxes for after - theater
| parties. |
| If you don’t know Charley, one |
| visit will make you his life-long
I friend. 1
*•!
V A*
| i
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