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New Shipment of Goods
| Received on the Alameda from the
World’s Fashion Center
I It includes coats that cannot be duplicated in
1 Style and Price. Dresses in new fabrics and
| color effects, direct from the Eastern Mar
| kets, in Georgettes, Charmous, Satins, Chif
| fon, Taffetas, some with Braid and Beaded
effects, also serges in large variety. Evening Dresses
in Tulle, Silver Cloth, Silver Nets, Taffetas and Satins
Beautiful Georgette Waists, some beaded with touch
es of Lace. Stacks of Beautiful Linen Handkerchief:.,
Hand Embroidered Hose and Silk Underwear, Pure
Silk Umbrellas.
Table cloths and napkins, buck and turkish towels,
trimmings, braids, fall assortment of notions.
We Have also received our new line of Cretons and
Tapestries, Pillows, Braids. Trimmings, Notions, Silks
by the yard. Georgette Crepes in all Shades, Crepe de
Chines, Velvet, Broadcloth and Corduroys.
Mens Shirts, Ties, Silk Hose, Linen Handkerchiefs and
Silk Umbrellas.
| tyle j
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FOR THE
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I and Help Win the War
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KAISER REPLIES
n the Daily Times some time ago
appeared a letter from Lucifer Hot
spur Satan to Kaiser Bill. Today co
pies of the reply of his Imp. Majesty
Jo the king of all that has heretofore
been considered bad, showing the in
trigue of emperor not only on earth
but in the infernal regions as well,
now comes to light, and is as follows:
Hell, Nov. 1, 1917.
Imp. Lucifer Hotspur Satan:
My Dear Lucifer—or shall I call
you Lucy for short? Your note of re
cent date came to our Imperial hand.
Your offer to abdicate the throne of
Hades in my favor would be interest
ing were it wholly serious; but condi
tions are implied that make is inad
visable that I accept. I do not think
much of Gehenna anyhow. It is a sec
ond class state at best and I would
not care to live there permanently.
As a matter of fact I have made
a splendid start towa-d a bell of m>
own—we call it Bottomless Prussia.
It has all the modern improvements,
such as running hot water, red fire,
cyanide gas, calcium lights, wide open
plumbing and vacuum cleaner. At
the present time we are getting prac
tically all the business and when it
comes to a matter of competition it
is my opinion that we would have
you pushed off the map. To be per
fectly frank with you we have con
sidered the advisability of taking over
your plant about the time it is ripe for
bankruptcy. You are not making ex
penses, while we are turning them
away. Everybody says that I am a
much bigger devil than you ever dar
ed to be and there’s not a day goes
by without ray picture being in the
papers.
You may have once thought you
were a hell of a fellow, but you have
nothing on me. Your place is a back
number, and when the time comes we
I ■ id move in and take possession—if
| we think it worth while. It is not usual
i for Prussians to give warning or apol
ogy. We usually do things and then
leave it to history to explain, but I
am telling you this because of our old
time friendship, and also because I
realize that you can do nothing to
I forestall or prevent our action. Ab
dicate in my favor? Why, you poor
| old stiff, you have nothing to abdi
cate. You couldn’t float a bond issue
I on your plant in a million years. In
| the commercial market it would be
called junk. You have a bunch of an
cient floorwalkers like Judas, Nero,'
Ananias, Caligula, Richard III and'
Capt. Kidd and are really driving1
business away from the place. Talk
about the Huns! Why, I wouldn’t let
i Attila bring my shaving water.
' If you had a few scouts like von
Tirpitz or von Hindenburg you might
talk on some basis of equality. They
are the boys who bring home the ba
con and they are filling our hell with
talent of their own creation and
development. But while they are fin
ished performers, of course, I am still
the boss of the whole works. It is
my genius and inspiration that has
made our new hell possible. Hell with
| out me would be merely a word. I
have made it a torrid reality. You
may as well understand first as last
that you cannot run a hell without'
some of our Prussian efficiency. In
a competitive race with us you would
probably bring up as a second-rate
cold storage plant.
By reason of our former friendship,
however, I am willing to recognize
your moth-eaten throne as one with
which diplomatic relations may be
maintained. I am sending Count von
Bernstorff as my ambassador, wit!
authority to make treaties compatible
with our mutual interests. Under
certain circumstances it might be
possible to negotiate a union between
our crown prince and your Messalina.
T hey might make a good team. He
may also take on Lucretia Borgia and
make it a double-header. How would
it do for me to hook up with one of
>our ( atherines—this Medici person,
for instance, Of course, this would
only be for the campaign and sub
ject to cancellation at my will. Count
von Bernstorff is permitted to talk
of these as well as other matters, and
has himself hinted to me the advis
ability of an exchange of transfers.
This, however, would be with the idea
of the gradual absorption of your hell
by my own. I am to be perferctly
frank with you. You must realize, my
dear Lucifer, that you are getting
old. You are not up to our modern
methods and when you wander
around with your spiked tail, people
only smile in a good-natured way and
murmer: “Who the devil is he?" or “1
I
mischiew Satan is up to
right for running a kin
dergarten, but as the boss of a real,
blood-red, rip-snorting, concert pitch
hell, you are mostly rabbit. You are
altogether too easy. Why, I under
stand you even shy at cooking child
ren in their own grease. You ought
to have seen the way 1 cleaned them
up in Belgium, Women first? Well l
guess yes. Any old way. We turned
it into a patch of Bottomless Prussia
overnight. That ancient party who
ran wicks through Christians and used
them to light up his grounds was a
poor fish at thinking up things. We
could show him a few things that
would make him green with envy. He
never poisoned a whole regiment with
gas bombs and he never sask and
blew up a shipload of women and
children with a torpedo from a sub
marine.
You mean well, Lucifer, but you are
a slow performer. Take a week off
and come over to a real hell. We
will show you the time of your life
and you can see what you are up
against. You can discover why your
proposition to abdicate in my favor
doesn't materially interest me. How
ever, I am a real sport and I’ll tell
you what I’ll do: I'll play you a game
of pitch to see whether you abdicate
or I throw you out. In either event
you are welcome to a permanent home
with me and I’ll show you a hell of a
time. There’s no use in old friends
quarreling; is there, Lucy? Fraternal
ly yours,
WILHELM IMP.
His Mark.
-♦
Commercial printing at Times office.
—^^
Toole, the great English comedian,
was once greatly tickled at finding in
a French provincial town a poster an
nouncing a translation of “Walker. '
London,” the farce which he himself
had made famous. The adapter had
translated the title as “Londres qui
se promene,” or “London which goes
out for walks.”
-♦
RED CROSS WORKERS.
The supplies did not arrive on the
steamer Alaska, as expected. Notice
will be given upon the receipt of same
RED CROSS HEADQUARTERS.
We Can Print
ANYTHING from a Visiting
Card to a Catalog. We have
the finest and most complete
line of paper stock in Alaska.
We have just received a new
g line of type and supplies and
are now better prepared than
ever to do your PRINTING - -
HOW ABOUT THAT ORDER
FOR THE NEW YEAR J
CORDOVA DAILY TIMES
JOB PRINTING DEPT.
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