PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
He (as the clock strikes 12)—‘This
is the hour that graveyards yawn.’*
She—“Well, they have my sympathy.”
—N. Y. World.
“Mamma,” said 11-year-old Prances,
“I love you dearly—dearly." “Do you,
Frances?" “Yes, indeed, mamma.
Though you know all my faults, 1 lov«
you still."—Judge.
Her Reason.—Fannie—“If you are
so positive that Harry loves you, ^vhy,
for goodness’ sake, don't you accept
him and get married?" Jane-^-“He
won’t ask me."—Detroit Free Press.
Muggins—“Topnotes sings with a
great deal of expression." Huggins—
“i should say so. I once heard him
sing ‘Rocked ia the Cradle of the
Deep,’ and it positively made me sick.”
—Philadelphia Record.
“Posterity will appreciate me," said
the earnest statesman. “That’s all
right," said Senator Sorghum. “But
the trouble about posterity is that it
always pays the cash dividends to
somebody else."—Washington Star.
“Clara, your palms are all dead, but
you still keep the jardinieres in the
window." “Of course, Charles; I
want those new neighbors to think
that we have the palms or are going
to have palms."—Indianapolis Jour
nal.
Professor—“State the difference be
tween a pessimist and e,n optimist.”
Pupil—“A pessimist is one who
hopes that all troubles will come to
others, and an optimist is one who be
lieves that all good things will come
to himself."—Town Topics.
Mr. Noosv—“What has turned all
you women against Mrs. Weeds? You
were very sorry for her when her hus
band died." Mrs. Noo/y—“Yes. and
how did she repay our interest in
her? Why, she fixed things so that
the papers shouldn't publish the
amount of money her husband left,”
—Philadelphia Press.
Snpplffnff mn Army.
An adjunct to every war seems to be
the statistician, and once again we are
assured by the figures he has been pil
ing up in connection wdth the South Af
rican war. He tells us that if the inten
tion of the British war department is
carried out to “keep four months’ ad
vance supplies ahead in South Africa,"
12,000,000 pounds of preserved meat
will be necessary, likewise the same
quantity of biscuits; coffee, 400,000
pounds; tea, 200,000 pounds; sugar,
2,200,000; compressed vegetables, 800.
000; salt, 400,000; condensed milk, 360,
000 cans.—Chicago Evening News.
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