OUR TEENAGERS! LEADERS OF TQMMORROW ■. by a Teenager
Our modern day dictionary defines "Teenagers" as-.young :people between the ages
of 13 and 19. This is a true statement* but it does not say what a teenager really
is. Now this is a subject of much controversy and many people have formed conclus
ions that are entirely unfair to the teenagers. For this reason we have made a sur
vey on teenagers and are going to present our findings for. your inspection. I hope
you can see wjiot teenagers are really like (and what they are ) after reading this.
The best place to start would be the "pad” of the teenager. This is their home
and the parts of.the home most frequently used by teenagers are their room,the. kit
phen and the chair nearest the phone,2 The last two have.obvious reasons but the 1st
is a mystery to some. Our spios found that in almost all .the cases this^was because
the parents nerves couldn’t stand the strain any longer! I hope you -don’t . think
‘•his is ^11 the teenagers fault* you know how the older half of our population(n,anB«
iy parents) are. getting weaker every; year. (Don!t ask why).
x tne o-cncr two nave obvious.-reasons, but I suppose we might as well dis
cuss-them. The teenager is a creature with an overly large appetite and must ea'
•.it. least 5 or 6 times a day* (These- aren’t real meals but unhealthy snacks*) Foj
rhis reason the teenager spends about half their time in the kitchen#
Phones were invented for the teenager and one fourth of the time they are using
it# For this reason they occupy the chair nearest the.phone constantly#
This is the teenager at home# As you can see all they do there is "Nothing" so
far as their parents are concerned,. I make no comment#
Now, lets see what our spies found out about how they dress# Teenagers hate to be
different! They always want to look like the other kids# This is understandable.No
one likes, to be ^odd"# "But dad,John’s got one#" .»•
This, is a common expression at home. Because of this you’ll find all teenagers do
dress alike?. And how do they dress? Sloppy sweat shirts, bleached worn jeans, afid
autographed tennis shoes. (All their clothes are usually autographed# ) Oh, I .forgot*
about their hair. This is usually done in some outlandish style-# (The boys is long
and. the,..girls is short# ) This is the standard costume and few teenagers dare to be
different# So now you know those strange creatures walking down the street aren’t
creatures from outer space but our teenagers!
v • Ths most .unique thing-about teenagers is the way they talk# They have a; commun-^J
ication system of ail their own# Its-different from anytother# They have replaced
all the sensible words in our vocabulary with insane, zany, unAmerican, horrifying
3lang! This isn’t- all! You don’t speak this language in the normal way, our spies
tell us you. do it most with a mouth full of chewing gum! This produces a. mumble,
jumble that really tears the words up* (Thats our teenagers’ creative ability at
work#) . .. . ...
Our spies, say the teenager has the most unique entertainment in the most unusual
ways. They listen to other teenagers trying to sing on the radio. They go to parties
and do the latest:dances. Things like* The Bug, The Slop, The Fly, and- many others,
(Sorry to sayi^) They go to the movies and see such shows as I was a Teenage Werewolf
and pften theyjCan- be found in trouble. 0 f course this. isn’t their fault. For some
reason people have it in for the teenagers. They are-always trying to-do themgoodj
Well, now you know something about’teenagers. I don’t think we exactly found-: out
what they are, but then I don’t think anyone ever will* We know how they dress,where
:hoy stay most of the time, and how they seek entertainment., - They are the mystery
the 20th century and will probably .-remain so. Don’t shake- your heads-that way,re
..arbor, they are the leaders of tommorrow.
t . . Zelda
EDITORS NCTE3 If this column meets with your (the readers) approval Zelda and her
girlfriend will present other articles-about teenagers such as "The teenagers idea
on education""The Teenager v.s. parents,"etc. in succeeding issues of the SUN.