HYDER WEEKLY HERALD
Published Every Saturday
Application made for entry at the post office at Hyder; Al
aska, as second Jass matter, un^r the Act of March 8,
1879.
Chas. F. Sandford. Editor.
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AN INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER
WHAT NEWSPAPER
ADS. DID..
It was only a few years ago
that the retail stores in towns
and the smaller cities did the
bulk of their weeks’ business
on Saturday. While the other
five business days might have
paid expenses the merchant
depended upon the Saturday
sales for the major portion of
his week's profit. Needless to
say the average merchant
would have been exempt from
excess profit taxes in those
days.
The newspaper is given cred
it for discovering the possibili
ty of scattering the Saturday
peak load over the six business
days of the week and it was
newspaper advertising which
has achieved the present more
equitable distribution of the
week’s business. Saturday is
still the merchant’s busy day
but now he is only a little less
busy on the preceding five
days.
This is only one of the many
services performed for busi
ness by newspaper advertising.
It is irrefutable that a great
part of the increase in business
experienced by the retail
stores generally in recent years
has been created by newspaper
advertising. Newspaper adver
tising has been the “Aladdin’s
Lamp” of the retail merchant.
There are still isolated towns
where one may see for himsell
what “might have bpen” tht
nation over if newspaper ad
vertising had never been.
--o
FAT AND SKINNY.
Getting thin or getting fat
How those two bugaboos dc
hang over the Americar
people; Verily no blue law
could cause more discomfort
Mary adores chocolates, bu<
she’ll tell you mournfully thal
she can’t eat them because
she’s getting too fat.
Dad doesn’t really mind his
big paunch, but so darned
many people say, “You aren’t
so slim as you used to be, are
you Jim?” that in desperation
he takes to exercises, suffers
the tortures of using long un
used muscles, an d lives on a
slice of toast and water just to
put the silencer on that “get
ting fat” speech.
And how the fat ones do
envy the thin ones whom the
doctor orders to drink lots of
milk, eat beefsteak and all the
candy they want.
But suppose you are a thin
one and hate milk? Still you!
will suffer the nauseating
stuff just so you won’t have to
hear people say “My goodness,
?irl, you’re nothing but a wra
ith.”
Somehow or other, one can’t
help thinking that old Gibbon,
who wrote “The Decline and
Fall of the Roman Empire” is
to be envied for his courage.
The doctor told him, so the
story goes, that he’d die if he
kept on getting fatter. He re
quired a specially built chair
big enough for two ordinary
'oik. But he said he’d be darn
ed if he’d give up eating the
way he wanted to, and so he
died glorying in his fatness.
WHAT THEY
WOULD HAVE SAID
The thought frequently comes
o many of us, as we think of
he old people we knew 25 i
'ears ago, what these folks
voul have said if they could
lave seen conditions as they
u e now. As they looked out on
heir quiet streets, in which
heir family horses jogged toil
omely toward their goals,
•'■hat w ould they have said if
hoy could have seen this mot
rized age, with people dart
ng through the streets at-rail
road speed?
The last quarter of the 19th
century developed wonderful
inventions. But it seems doubt
ful if it could be compared
with the marvels of the first
quarter of our century, with
its automobiles, its radios, and
its airplanes.
The effects of automobiles
has been one of the most far
reaching changes in the hist
ory of society. It has pulled
people out of their stationary
habits, and given them a free
range of movement. It enables
people to have homes in the
country and work in cities and
towns. It has saved country
neighborhoods from decay. At
the same time it does make
many people restless, and little
inclined to settle down and
work as the faithful old timers
used to.
It must be the mission of the
years immediately ahead, to
give these people who have ac
quired added power, a true
conception of aims and pur
poses. They must be shown
that sports and pleasures alone
will not do them much good.
They need to seek knowledge,
intelligence, and interest in the
good causes of the time. With
enlightened motive added to
increased power, then we shall
see rapid advance in social
welfare.
Just for Fun
Golddiggers might have been
“Forty-niners” once, but they
are perfect “Thirty-sixes” now.
A man who falls in love with
himself never has any rivals.
Perhaps the easiest way to
acquire a dominating personal
ity is to be born feminine.
Well, a man has a right to call
his bald area a “spot.” Think
how large sun spots are.
“I appeal to your intelligence”
usually means: “Now I’ll try a
little soft soap on you.”
The thing that makes critics
tiresome is their inability to
find anything new to scold
about.
There’s no need to worry when
she’s out at night if she likes
to sit on dad’s lap at home.
It is very easy to rise in your
own estimation.
A good name, like great
riches, is often faked.
Sympathy seekers deserve
much more than they get.
He’s the ugliest person I have
ever seen.”
“Not so loud, dear; you for
get yourself.”
Little city girl in the country
Oh listen! the cow is mooing
to try to sell her milk!
“Do you ever expect to work
the mine?” ' *
“Maybe—after we’ve work
ed the public.”
“So they first met in a revolv
ing door?"
“That’s how they began going
around together."
“My grandfather has a hick
ory leg.”
“That’s nothing. My sister has
a cedar chest."
“Did prehistoric people have
stoves?”
“Yes, mountain ranges.”
“Mighty good, sound baby
you have there."
“Do you mean solid? Or all
‘holler’?"
Kind Lady—Wouldn’t you like
a nice chop?
Tramp—What kind of a chop,
Iamb or wood?
What do the Mexican beans
think of Lindbergh’s hop?
The world was better when
there were fewer billboards
and more washboards.
Home is where the stork
isn’t.
“Ah want a quote of sancti
fied milk.”
“Whut you all mean; pacified
milk?”
“Look heah, when Ah needs
inflammation, Ah’ll specignifi
cate.”
We’re beginning to believe
atoms will some day be separ
ated and enumerated. We see
by the woman’s page that a
sport suit has been made in
three pieces.
“Yes ,sir, I always goes to
church when you preaches.”
“I am glad to hear that, but
why when I preach-why not
every Sunday?”
“I’m sure of getting a good
Chamber
of
Commerce
Hyder, Alaska
Reliable Information
Relative To
PORTLAND CANAL
MINING DISTRICT
seat when you preach, sir!”
“My husband is an excellent
cook.”
“How nice! And does he do
much of it?”
“None at all. I just assume
that he must be from the way
he picks flaws in my cooking.”
Sarah: Why did Tillie break
her engagement to the head
bank teller?
Alice: Oh, haven’t you heard?
She landed a plumber.
Another way to relieve down
town congestion would be to
makes cars wear tags bearing
the confession: “Ten more in
stallments due.”
“The tadpole that turns into
a frog hasn’t anything on a
Ford that occasionally turns
turtle.’ '
“Before he married me, he
said he’d move heaven and
earth for me.”
“And then?”
“Oh, now he’s raising hell.”
We suggest as weeks to ob
serve, Ain’tless Week, See?
less Week and Huh?-less
Week.
A heathen is a man who
doesn’t know enough about
■ PORTLAND CANAL LODGE
1218
LOYAL ORDER OF MOOSE
Meets Second and Fourth
Thursdays
Second Thursday in Hyder
Fourth Thursday in Stewart
CHAS. F. SAHDFORII
NOTARY PUBLIC
HERALD OFFICE
John Hovland
MINING
Ryder, Alaska
religion to understand the
fights.
AH Is Vanity Case!
One longs for old-fashioned
reserve
Whenever a flapper he meets
Who proceeds with a case
hardened nerve
To make a boudoir of the
streets.
Word of a quartz strike at
Mile 126 on the Copper River
& Northwestern Railroad, was
brought to Cordova recently.
The property is described as
being located on the Copper
River, and only one-half mile
from the railroad. The strike
is said to have been made by
Gus Wilson, who owns the
ground, and is believed to be
working in partnership with
Andrew and Emil Swanson.
Those who have talked with
the prospectors and gone over
the ground, state that a ledge
eight feet wide and two miles
long, of free-milling ore, has
been traced.
Inquiry has been received re
garding the whereabouts of
one Olaf Anton Johnson, born
about 1865 in Sweden. He was
last heard from in Juneau, in
1914. At that time he planned
to go to Nome. Any informat
ion to his present whereabouts
should be sent to the Govern
or’s Office, Juneau, Alaska.
PROFESSIONAL
Jzvm&t plus
JVttomcg at ^ato
^.laefea
FRANK A. METCALF
CIVIL & MINING ENGINEER
U. S. MINERAL SURVEYOR
JUNEAU ALASKA
GEORGE 0. GRIGSBY
Attorney - at - Law
KETCHIKAN, ALASKA
A. J. MAYER p o BOX 123
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