THE PERKINS FAMlL.
Why They Are Not Going to th
Seashore This Summer.
REASONS GALORE IN DIAR1
Hubby to It Whan Wifay Do
mand? an Explanation ? Calla Hit
Maanaat Man In Europa, Aaia, Afrio
or Amarica.
[Copyright. ls?7. by M. M Cunningham.;
Mr. 1'erklns had taken a seat on th
veranda after dinner to smoke a cUu
and I* reasonably thankful that h
was alive, anil he was Just enjoy lu
the reddest kind of a sunset wheu Mrt
Perkins Joined hlui with a certain oil.
ue?a of countenance that put hlui o
hla guard at once. She was sly iiu>
suave and smooth as she talked aboil
bugs and mosquitoes and peach blot
drew ruaru rai isxvit able diary
?oins. and wiieu Abe (bought be ba<
put his foot In the trap she suddenl;
?aid:
"Mr. Perkins. I will need about
hundred dollars uext week If I am t>
get ready for tbe seashore."
"You think of golug to the seashore
do you?" be replied after a moment.
"Certainly That has been undei
stood ever since last December."
"I'm! I'ui!"
"1 mu be all ready la about twi
werks from now. Have you wrlttei
to auy of the places to set1 ?U>u
board?"
"No, not quite. That Is. not exactly."
"But you will right away tomorrow
W? can't run the chances of the hotel) j
being full."
"What Is this Idea you have got inti
your head. Mrs. Perkins?" he asked ai
be turned on her.
"What: What: Do you want ti
make out that our going to tbe sea
?ho re is some new Idea and that this 1)
tbe Urst time you have heard of It?"
"Something might have been salt
two ur three years ago. but I supposed
It ^ad been Klven up long ago."
"Last December Is not two or thre<
years ago. and you know It. Out
Ulght last December you said wt
should go to the seashore this summei
?ven If we LaJ to mortgage the house |
hold furniture. It was tbe night yoi 1
had a touch of colic after getting t?
bed. You are not going to bave th?
cheek to tell me you bave forgo tier
It?"
Hit Inevitable Dairy.
Mr. Perkins slowly and calmly car
rled his hand to his breast pocket ani
drew forth tbe inevitable diary an<!
consulted It with puckered brow, care
fully watched by Mrs. Perkins
"Yes, 1 hud something about It here.'
h? said when be had found the right
page. "Under date of I >ec. 19 X find
the following entry:
** 'Baluiiig. snowing and blowing
Durn such a climate! I'd like to gel
out of it for good. I bave a sort
throat, and Mrs. I', has a cough that
may result tu consumption. 1 have
Just promised her that we will go tu
tbe seashore next summer. C. T. A." "
"There, didu't I tell you!" exclaimed
Mrs. Perkins.
"You did, njy love ? you did. Yes.
on the night of the l'Jth of last Decern
ber I promised you that we would gc
to the seashore tbls summer but you
observe the letters t\ T. A." after the
promise. They stand for 'consult tiu
authorities,' and I bave done so. In
fact, 1 have been consulting the an
thoritles for the last three mouths."
"Is? Is this some scheme to wrlgvj'e
out of your promise? Do you Intend
to dodge aud twist and bring up what
you call your philosophy? if you do.
then let me tell you that 1 won't stan.l
it for a minute-- not a minute. When
you make a promise and write It
down, that ought to he enough for a
man of honor."
"Mrs. Perkins." be calmly continued,
"when 1 met you I had been a widow
er for three long years. I had made
nly own bed. cooked my own meals
and patched my own trousers. I hard
ly dared hope when I met you that you
would fall In love with me and make
happy again, but you did. I ap
preciate the deed. I (ball always ap
prectate It- If I should lose you, life
would no longer be worth the living.
Ybere Isn't one chance In a thoasau'l
tfeat I could marry No. 3."
"That's It? bring In that. I'm your
Mcood wife. Don't never miss a
chance to do that But what has that
got to do with our going to tbe sea
shore?"
Consulted Authorities
"Irerythiug, my dear. That's why I
put *0. T. A.' after the memoranda. I
tare consulted tbe authorities In re
tard to you. Yoo weigh 180 j>?unds.
ind you get away with a square meal,
Sqf Vbai of that noble fend tender beart !
o t yours? what of jour heart? Too
are an Inland bird, ami you have been i
flying from tree to tree and bopping
from twig to twig, far from the ocean's
roar. How would It be If you war*
suddenly rushed dowu to Atlantic City <
and to a salt atmosphere? Would It
benefit or harm you? Could that lov
ing heart or yours stand the strain? (
This was one of the things I had to
consult the authorities about, and It
was well that I did. I have also been
saving newspaper clippings since the
first of the year."
"That Is, you have been trying to find
?one excuse to break your promise.
Go ahead. I cau see that you are go
ing to twist out of It."
"My dear Mrs. Perkins, let me read
you a record, aud If you then desire
to Jeopardize your life 1 shall have
nothing to say.
"Dr. Barnes says that a sudden
change of climate from fresh to salt Is
almost sure to produce death from
b.'urt ailment.
"Dr. Smith says that lie has known
of 100 i ;ues where fat women going to
Atlantic City have died wlthlu twenty
four hours of heart trouble.
"Dr. llines says that salt air strik
ing an Inland person all of a sudden
Is us bad as a bullet,
"Dr. Hllsstield kept track of cases
along the Atlantic coast last seasou
and has a record of 440 fat wouieu who
died in their beds ou the very first uigbt
after their arrival. They were not
stricken dead by the high cbnrges of
the hotels, but their hearts went back
ou them.
"There Is the record. Sirs. Perkins,
and what am I to do? Am I to rush
you down to the seashore and have you
dead ou my bauds, or am I to keep von
inland and have your cowpauy and
your love for many years to come'.'"
"Those doctors are fools, and you
know It!" snapped Mrs. Perkins In re
ply.
"Aud there are other things." con
tinued Mr. Perkins without taking note
of her exclamation. "As 1 said a few
mluutes ago. you welch > pounds.
You cau uo lontcer sit on my lap with
out my knees giving way. You are
still a sylph, but what effect is the salty
atmosphere going to have ou you?
Will it relegate you back to a skele
ton, or will you Increase to 250 pounds
and make It Impossible for me to
squeeze you through the door of an
ordinary room? That's a thing to be
thought of.
Would Chang* Her Disposition.
"Again. changing climates changes
dispositions. We are like cooing doves
here. We may get down to the sea
shore to fairly hate each other. Seven
teen different doctors sa.v this may be
the case. I do not wish to be guilt*
of your murder, my love, and 1 dc
not want to wake up and Hud that yor
have cut my windpipe.
"Another thing. You hair Is thin and
faded. You are obliged lo dye It. The
facts are not against you In the slight
est. as Marie Antoinette had to do the
same thing. But here is the kernel.
Thirty different doctors certify that la
such cases the w.mian who goes to the
seashore comes home with straw col
ored hair aiul terrible headaches aud
while suffering from the latter ure
often driven to suicide. Suppose I
were to come home from the office
some day and find you hanging from
our only peach tree! Could 1 ever eat
peaches from It agalu? These are
things for votl to thluk of. my dear
Mrs. Perkins, to sit up and think of In
1 the most serious manner. When you
have thought of them we will reopen
the subject aud see what conclusions
we. cau arvlve at."
"Never, sir!" said Mrs. Perkins as
she rose up with red cheeks and flash
ing eyes.
"You mean' ?
"I mean that you are the meanest
husband In Europe, Asia, Africa or
America:"
"Well." said Mr. Perkins to himself
after she had disappeared Into the
house. "I have done my part, and now
If she wants to expire lu the most ter
rible agonies she must assume all the
risks. That Is. we will go down the
river for a day's fishing if It won't
cost over 73 cents for bait aud all."
M. QUAD.
P. E. KERN
Gold ?tid Silversmith.
Manufaturer of
Nugget Jewelry
Dealer in
Alaska Souvenirs
and Curios
of all kinds
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