I Humor and Philosophy
By DUNCAN M. SMITH
4
SIMPLIFIED METHOD.
Who couldn't build a big balloon
And sail the upper air?
Who couldn't venture In the woods
And kill a grizzly bear?
Who couldn't Journey to the we?t
And paying treasures And?
Who couldn't win a pretty girl?
In his mind?
It Is very easy
When you know the way.
011 your Intellect and set
All the wheels at play.
Llsht your ancient meerschaum.
Elevate your feet.
And you'll soon be living
Down on Kasy street.
Who couldn't write a story book
With or without a plot?
Who couldn't win a fortune with
A nickel In the slot?
Who couldn't capture every prize
And never be behind?
Who couldn't run tho unlvorso?
In his mind?
It Is very easy.
Light a fat cigar.
Lean back on the cushion*.
Puff, and there you am!
Or. propped up serenely
Iu your lower berth.
Set tiie think wheels going.
And you'll own the earth.
Eccentric.
Hi ci
"I always tell t lie truth wheu I ko
(Ishin-,*."
"What is jour object la that?"
? ? have a reputation to maintain."
"That is no way to maintain a repu
tatlon hs h tlsheruiau."
round It Useful.
"He cert: i i r: 1 y was the premium
fctinjry man.
"Woulilu't si>end a cent even for
u.c:li ne. I hear."
??Worse than that. He had a bad
.? of rfie :? i ;u. and he wouldn't
listen lo ii frlenlT "wTio offered To cure
him free."
"Afruld the man would expect a
Christmas present?"
"No; It wasn't that. He knew it
would do the man no good to expect
it. but he foretold the weather by the
pains in his legs, and h* was afraid
If he lost it he would have to take a
dally paper."
Not if She Knows.
The chill wind blows.
It nips my nose
Until It glows?
A red. red rose.
Do you suppose.
Should I propose t
To Sue. It goes?
This red, red rose?
Most of Us Are.
"Are you fond of a joke?"
"Sometimes."
"When?"
"When it is on you."
Not Once.
Get off a Joke.
Tell countless lies.
But don't, oh. don't
Apologize.
Truly.
"I am not wise."
"You are if you know you are not."
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Strangely enough, the man who
marries fast doesn't stay married long,
while the man who is slow about get
ting married often is fast married.
There are people who can't bear to
be misrepresented, while the ghastly
fear of others is that they won't be.
'MY FACC IS rvof 1
KV? FOR TUNC ' )
lie who does
what he can
is praiseworthy,
but he who does
what he can't ia
a marvel.
A husband
that Isn't good
for anything else
can generally be
coaxed to eat a
good dinner and
say nothing
about it.
All the dclicacies of the season at
he Pack Train Restaurant.
A Great Relief.
"The miner," said an operator, "ac
cepts a situation fraught with peril as
we accept our breakfast He Is as
calm In the presence of danger as wo
In the presence of a steak. There Is a
?tory of a Pennsylvania miner who
tate on? antumn was Imprisoned while
at work by the fall of a huge block of
coaL With the greatest energy his
friends set to work to liberate him.
This, though, proved to be a task of
enormous difficulty. On account of the
position of the hole and the nature of
the fall it was five full days before
they reached their comrade. When
finally a passage bad been made the
manager put In his heifd and called:
" 'Jack, how are ye?'
" "All right,' was the reply. 'What
day is it?'
" Thursday.'
?"Good. Thrn I'm In time for the
chrysanthemum show.'"
FROM THE NORTHERN LIGHT"
Charier Rapuzzi has been working
for Ganty <k Frandson.
? ?????
The "Tigers" will be developing a
"yellow streak" before long.
? ?????
Mr. Gene Smith began working at
the shops Friday morning.
? ?????
Mr. McLane donated some paint
which was used for marking the vari
ous boundaries of the basketball field.
? ?????
Friday morning th? seventh grade
history c'.ass began tbo study of the
Declaration of Independence. Quite a
number found it as difficult to select
the preamble as for the Daily Alaskan
to get the meaning of "blackmail."
They found the dictionary a valuable
reference book? as Arthur Boone can
testify.
? ?????
The following plaint comes from tbe
captain of the Soccers: The basketball
baskets upstairs should be raised two
three feet higher, as the members of
the ctass of 1908 are tall enough to
I reach tbem by jumping. This Is not
fair. No one in my team can d j it. If
the baskets were raised we should stand
a fair chance. Cassio Kossuth, cap
tain.
? ?????
! Mr. Telford has been steadily gain
ing in we'ght until last week he broke
down two chairs. The pupils have
been scratching their heads wondering
how they can raise money to pay for
j the chairs.
The clas9 of I9O8 will meet th'.s after
noon after school to begin the prelim
inary campaign in tbe selection of col
ors, style of caps and buttons to be
worn, etc. From the symptom* the
class of 1908 will not be able to ttand
by in Idleness much longer, but will get
busy on its own account. Way not?
? ?????
A RIDS FOR LIFK.
Thurday when the passenger train
was coming alone the road a big black
nog was caught under the engine back
of tfce plow. Although the train was
coming down the hi)!, the train was
stopped sn3 the engineer and others
tried to get the dog out. However, the
dog would not take his chance of get
ting out of tbe predicament, so the
train proceeded about a mile to a place
where the section men were lowering
the track, and another stop was made.
There were holes between the ties, and
tje dog fell through one of these.
After tbe engine passed he got up and
ran as .'ast as be could in the direotion
from which he came.
??????
BASKETBALL.
Schedule for today: Morning recess.
Wild Cats; afternoon recess, two teams
from Miss Doerrer's room. No games
after school.
New interest was added to the bask
etball situation Friday when the girls
got ioto the game for the first time.
Two teams from Mr. Telford' j room
made tboir first attempt at playing at
the afternoon recess, and although
neither sldo was able to score, both
cme so near it as to bring forth cheeis
and groans from both spectators and
players. The game was continued at
the White Pass club aftfer school, and
the girls of tbe class of 1908, with the
aid of Miss Doerrer, defeated another
team. 6 to 0. Tbe girls will probably
organize at least two teams and aro al
ready talking of fitting up another
room for playing, in addition to sending
for a new basietball.
At the morning recess tbe boys of the |
olsss of 1908 demonstrated tnelr superi
ority by defeating tho Soccers, 6 to 1.
On Saturday afternoon four games
ware played, ench lasting twenty mln1
utes. The first was scheduled to be
played between two teams from Miss
Doerrer'a room, but as some of the
players failed to appear, several
changes In the line-up were necessary.
The team under the captaincy of Vin
cent Dortero won after a close struggle.
Score and line-up:
Dortero's team, Dillon's team
S. Stlnebaugh R. forward Eagle
DeWitt L. Forward Friedenthal
Dortero Center A. Doree
Talbot Right Guard M. Acblson
Parker Left Guard G. Dillon
Field goals: Stinebaugh 1, DeWitt 2,
Dortero 2. Eagle 1, Doree, 3. Free
goals: Dores 1. Score: Dortero's
team 12, (two points awarded); Dillon's
loam 9.
The class of 190$ then proceeded to
devour the Wild Cats to the tune of 36
to 6. Beavera. in particular, distin
guished himself, but was ably aided by
his team mates. Summary and line-up:
Wild Cats Class of 1908
F. Doree Right Forward Baker
A.Boone Left Forward Beavers
Haalett Center L. Stinebaugh
V. Boone Right Guard C. Achinson j
Eagle Lett Guard Ask
Field goala: Doree 1, Baker 3, Beav
ers 0, Achison 4, Ask 1.
Free goals: Doree 1, A. Boone 1,
Stinpbaugh 1; Achison 1.
The victor/ of the Cubs over the
Tigers Id the third game w?sdue main*
ly to tbe accurate work of De Witt.
The game was rough, tbe Cubs Id par
tlcular being careless. Tbe three
points awarded to tbe Tigers on account
of the rough work of tbe Cubs made tbe
score a tie of 10 each. Summary:
Cuba Tlgera
Wurrbacher Right Forward Eagle
M. Acbioson Left Forward Talbot
S. Stinebauch Center A. Doree
W. Boone Right Guard John Mack
DeWItt Left Guard Leslie
Field goals: De Witt 4, Eagle 1,
Leslie 1, Eagle 1 for Cubs.
Free goals: Stlnebaugb t, Boone 1,
Doree 3.
Polnu awarded for roughness: To
Cuba 1; to Tigers 3.
The class of 1008 tasted tbe bitterness
of defeat for tbe first time in tbe last
Lame. The Wild Cats, strengthened by
Mr. Telford, woo after a fierce struggle.
The class of 1908 started with a rush,
scoring six points in tbe first minute of
the plaj, but the Wild Cats soon passed
them, and led at the end of the first half,
ten to eight. Tbe score was tied again
at the beginning of the second half, but
tbe Wild Cats forged abead because of
poor guarding by their opponents, and
won easily at the end by a score of 20
to 13. Summary:
Wild Cata Class of 1908
F. Doree Right Forward Baker
E. Dillon Lpft Forward Beavers
Telford Center L. Stlnebaugh
Haslett Right Guard Ask
A. Boone Left Guard C. Achison
Free goals: Doree 1, Dillon 1, Achi
son 1,
Field goals: Doree 6, Telford 3,
Baker 4,
Headquarters for J lining and Commercial \ Men
STRICTLY FIRST-CLASS
Broadway and titn. Avenue , Skagway, Alaska
MOORE'S WHKRF CO.
Tertiinua W. P. & Y. Route
All Sout* Round Steamers Arrive and Depart FromThls Dock
REGULATION.? 1905
Warehouse: pen for delivery of merchandise from 8 a. m. to 5 p.m.
Perishables ONLY delivered on Sunday or at night.
All freight 4 lipments destined southbound must be accompanied by a
Shipper's Manifest (papers can be obtained at the U. 8. customi
office) sci must be delivered before 5 p.m. No freight will be re
ceived on wharf a'? ?? "V., nour.
BAGGAGE? Tolls wm oo collected on Checked Baooaoe Onlt. No
charge for bags and grips when unchecked.
The wharf gate will be clo*jd to the public when steamer 1b nearlng
dock and will be opeo :donly when passengers have disembarked,
Wharfage Tariff can be nad on application at office on dock.
P. O. Box 175. C. E. WYNN-J0HN80N, Gen'l Mgr
^riinmaii?xcti!ffiax?cgx?w ?
| HEATED AND LIGHTED FINE SAMPLE ROOM
| BY ITS OWN PLANT FOR DRUMMERS
I CUbitc Pass fiotel
P. 0 McMillan, Manager
| Cargest and best appointed fiotel in tbe Vukon
| CHOICE BAR STOCK 771 kit*!***** U T
| RATES MODERATE (vDlUnOlSC, !? C.
$?r*X!)SXiX?X^ i
It is very simple to
B have a Bank Account
L2 I * ? ^v1 even if you do live in
Dan K j H 0 Alaska.
We have hundreds of customers living in Alaska
who send all of their deposits to us by mail. If
you would like to keep your money in the
Oldest Bank in Washington, write us^about it.
Dexter Horton & Co., Bankers,
S EATTL E
Capital and Surplus. $1,000,000.00
mmmmmmmmmmmmtmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaammmaamaamm
Sim p I
I
Pulktt Rouse
Foot of S xth Avenue
Most elegantly furnished house
in Alaska
Every modern convenience
Electric lights? Hot and cold
wafer? Telephones
Porcelain baths on every floor
Board and room by the dcy, week
or month
Table supplied with cream and
butter from our own Jersey
Dairy
rnrs. fi. $. Pullen
Proprietress
Established 1897
Phil Abrahams
Real Estate
BROKER
Collections
NOTARY~~PTJBLIC
52 FOURTH AVE., SKAGWAY
We have a large stock
houiney's Gaudy
Peter's Chocolates
Also every kind of
Fresh Nuts
Dont' Forget the Number. 428JBrdw'y
Tony Dortero's
(?AL
Having completed reliable arrange
ments for an adequate supply of the
beat
British Columbia Coal
for the coming winter we offer for
Skagway Coal Consumers, Coals at
following prices;?
Wellington (Departure Bay)
Run of Mine $12 per tor
Wellington (Lviysnlth)
Selected Lumps $13 per tor
Anthracite (Banff B. C.)
Chestnut Size $20 per tor
Prices abovd arc on wharf and in bult
or sacked and for cash. Delivery $1.0<
per ton extra.
SHAW & JOHNSON
Phooet 1) or 100 Sk&gway, Aiaske
DC?QH1I?.
NEW GOODS JUST IN
L
et us show you how easy it Is to do
veiop and print by the Kodak system
No Fuss ? No Bother
We Frame Picture*
DRAPER &G0.
Skagwav, Alaska |!
PMONC 83 P O BOX 235 II I
BEER
There's Vigor and
Strength
in every drop
COMPHNY
Seattle, Wub.
Drink it at
The
Pack
Train
Saloon
9HEA A PATTEN
Proprietors
CONTINENTAL
DISTRIBUTING CO.
Distributors
8EATTLE
Only One "BROMO QUININE," that It -
Laxative 3romo Quinine on ?v?ry
Cures a Cold in One Day, Griptn 2 Days 35c
{53
A. Rloom TELEPHONE 34
E. KOBACH FREE DELIVERY
THE M0N0GRAM
BLOOM & KORACH. Proprietors
WINES, LIQUORS AND CIGARS
We carry a Full line of Bar Supplies Direct Importers
Depot for A. B. C. Bohemian it, Louis and Seattle Bottle Beer
1 G
CENTRALLY LOCATED BEST ACCOMMODATIONS
New Home Restaurant
: MRS . as ART BERNHOFFEB,'.M?a?Ktr
Best 25 Cent Meals in the City
JFIFTH AVENUE, NEAR BKOADWAY
Good Clean Beds From 25 Cents Up
BATHS IN CONNECTION I
IM
ELECTRIC
SCt THE
MC Sltt if.
Our Service is Always Ihe Best
Our Rates as Low as the Lowest
CALL ON US FOR PRICES
V. I. HAHN, Supt
Railway Building Skaguay