BOWSER FILLS DOWN
All the World Seems to Go Wrong
With the Old Fellow.
HAD BEEN GOOD FOR A WEEK.
The Cook Know Something Wat ABout
to Happen, For Sho Could Toll the
Symptom* ? H# Walka the Stroota
For Two Houra In Oiamay.
tCopyrlght. 1W7. by Homer Sprdfcue.]
Mr. Bowser hail been very good for
a week. He had taken Mm. Bowser
ou a suburban car; they had gone out
lu (ue evening (or Ice cream: they had
sat ou the front steps In (he gloaming,
and he hadn't cussed the street ped
dlers who were yelling at the gate.
The cook had burned her hand and was
behind time with the meals, but not
?ue single complaint from Mr. Bowser
A water pipe In the kitchen had burst,
but he had got a plumber and paid the
Mil without a murmur. The cook
couldn't help but notice the change,
and in an awed whisper she said to
Mrs. Bowser:
"Don't think me Impudent, ma'am,
but that's just the way my sister's bus
band was taken before be hung him
aelf. J don't like to see It. It lan't
natural."
"All husbands hare their atreaks."
replied Mrs. Bowser, with a smile.
"Tea, perhaps they do, but I call It
uncanny. I hope you don't come down
to breakfast some morning with your
throat cut from ear to ear."
Mrs. Bowser had been married long
enough to realize that thera was no de
? ? ?? ? t I
WHO IK THTVDEB IMTt THAT GAT1
ortx ?"
pending on a south wind and wast
read.*. for the change when It came.
Mr. Buwwr left the house one morning
after kissing her In a moat loving mau
ner an<1 cautioning her not to over
work during the day. and at 5:30 p m..
a* she and the oat a*, on the front
steps watching for him. be got off the
car at the corner. _ In an Instant she
knew that the change had come. His
shoulders were hunched up and his
feet dragging, and be looked around
a* If hoping some one would step on
hi* coal tails. The gate was open, and
he scuffed In and ascended the steps.
No, then* was no mistake. He had
fallen down. His goodness had de
parted.
"Who In thunder left that gate !
open?" h? demauded as be passed Into
the bouse.
i "Why. 1 think the minister did. He
m here calling about an hour ago."
"Then be wants to learn what gates i
?re for, and I'll tell him so next time
I see him."
"Dinner Is all ready." said Mr*. Bow- j
??r as she Joined him In tb? ball.
8o?res the Minister,
"Humph: You mean that some old
fruzied steak and watery potatoes
are to be set before me. We haven't
had a decent meal In this house In
six months, though goodi^ss knows
the running expenses are the same as
If we kept a boarding house. The
idea of a minister of the gospel solus
out and leaving a man's gate open.'
He probably hoped a lot of cowg and
hogs would get into the front yard.
Wanted to spite me because I don't
come to church oftener. but we'll see
h0w It turns out Where is your old
dinner anyhow?"
k "Why, In the basement dining room,
of course."
"Oh. 'tis, eh? I didn't know but
we were to eat it on the front Kteps."
It was a good dinner and a well
cooked dinner that awaited him. but
he found fault with every dish in ro
tation and finally broke out with:
"Mrs. Bowser, why do you keep
such a bow legged, knock kneed, club
footed woman In your kitchen? Here's
at least three dollars' worth of food
not fit for rata to eat"
"And only yesterday, . when 1 told
you that ah* might leave us, you told
me to ralae her wage* S3 a month.
Too said she w* a the beat cook that
ere*"?
"Never said a wort of the kind!"
he Interrupted. "Too can glv? her no
tice to skate I'm a patient, long suf
fering man, but there's a limit'*
The dinner was Anally finished, and
they went up stair*. They had hardlj
reached the sitting room when Mr.
Bowser yauked off hie coat and
growled oat:
"By the f.eard of my father, bat
what in blaze* ail* this collar of mine?
it has been sawing at my throat all
?lay. I've #>t coo re than four mil linn
collars In the boose, and yet I must
>e pestervd this way."
Mrs Bowser stepped over and looked
J at his shirt collar and then stood back,
with a smile, au<] snld:
"The lanndrynian made a mistake
and sent you some boy's collar for
one of your own. This Is No. 13. while
yon wear 16. How ca earth you man
aged to button It arouml your neck la
? myatery to me It'a funny ho^ you
should pick that one out of two doaao.
Why dlda't you"?
"Ob. why didn't I do this and do
that? If you were like other wives
you would have seeu It. Go and take
a look at my hat out there, will you?"
"What's the matter with the hat?"
"A spot of red paint as big as my
baud right on the crown of It! I must
bare presented a pretty spectacle to all
th-> people! No wonder that one old
dozer after laughing in my face want
ed to know if I'd run against a barber
pole!"
wear? xn? wrong n?u
"That Is your painting hat, and I had
it hidden away on a shelf. You must
hare bad to upend ten minutes looking
for It. and there you had two good ones
on the hall tree. You are a very care
less wan, Mr. Bowser."
"That's your usual song.-' he growled,
??but will you tell me why you can't
stay home now mid then aud darn
my socks? . Both of these have got
holes In the heels large euofigh to drive
a dog through. 1< it auy wonder that
I have corns aud bunions aud have to
hobble about like an old turkey with
frozen feet?"
"Will you please take off your shoe?"
?lie asked.
"Yes. I will, and 1 wish that all the
Uusbands and wives on this block were
here to see what 1 have to undergo.
There' l">o you see them? Holes, Mrs.
Bowser -h-o-l-e-s!"
"Where did you get those socks this
morning?"
"Out of the sock bag. of course."
"And tn the lower drawer of your
dresser are at least six new pairs you
have uever had on your feet!"
Mr. Bowser was taken aback for a
[ moment, but soon rallied aud said:
"But what can a husband expect
of a wife whose mluister leaves tho
gale wide open for stray hogs to come
In and root up a thousand dollars'
worth of flowers. The gas bill ought
to show a decrease of at least a dollar
tbis month, but you've kept the burn
ers going night aud day In your ex
travagant way. aud the bill Is probably
$3 more. By John, but uo wonder that
a man on the car the other day asked
me why I didn't get off the earth. 1
thought he rneaut it for au insult, but
I see now that he hail been studying
my face and he pitied me. He realized
that I must long for rest!"
! "And If you meet him again." said
' Mrs. Bowser us she reached for the
gas bill on the mantel, "you might
show him that the bill for this month
Is only half what it was for the pre
ceding one."
"Humph! Some hocus poeus about
that. I suppose that front doorbell Is
out of order again by this time. You
can't be satisfied to press the button
same as other folks, but you must Jab
at It with a crowbar. Fifty dollars to
get that Infernal bell fixed again!"
"It has been repaired Just once In the
last three years, and the charge was
(50 cents. The batteries had run out."
House Repairs Too Much.
"But didn't the cook say something
1 a day or two ago about the lock on tho
kitchen door being broken? Of course
she did. Took a hammer aud stood
there deliberately and pounded away,
and you encouraged her. 1 sat down
this afternoou aud figured up that the
repairs on this house solely on your
account cost me $10,000 a year."
"Jhey don't cost a thousand cents,"
replied Mrs. Bowser. "1 have the bills
all filed away, aud I looked them over
last week aud found the cost less than
16. Twice you haw blown up the fur
nace, and three tluies you have busted
water pipes, but I am not responsible
for that."
"But I'm telling you that you have'
bought aud wasted over ,10,000 dozen
i clothespins In the last twelve months!"
shouted Mr. Bowser as he brought his
! list down on his knee with a bang.
"I have bought Just four dozen, and
all but five are In the basket now.
Come down and look."
Mr. Bowser had no case. He knew
he hadn't v. lien he begun. He had
been met ut all points and defeated,
and his oaly recourse was to clap on
Uls hat and start off with the observa
tion:
?'I>rlveu from home! 1'rlven from
my owu fireside by the extravagance
of my wife! I>rlveu lo the river to
end all!"
Bat two horn's later be softly.enter
ed the house anil crept Into lied with
out a word. As he waudered the
streets two tramps whom he turned
down took after him and ran him to
tils own doorsteps and chilled his blood
with dire threats. M. QUAD.
Just Kids.
r
"My farver knows a few things."
"Garn! My farver knows few?r
things than your farver knows."
On* st Least.
She? Tou are Just like all the men?
you would not admit that you ever
mads a mistake to save your life.
H e-A* If I hadn't told you tin* and
&ga!n that the mistake of tlij life
ww to marrying you! ? Cincinnati En
qatow*.
P. E. KERN
Gold and Silversmith.
Manufaturer of
Nugget J ewelry
/
Dealer iu
Alaska Souvenirs ]
and Curios
of all kinds- .
SKAGWAY, ALASKA
REMODELED
THE"
Rainier-grand Bote!
SEATTLE
New Mannjement Popular PHws
Central Location European i'ton
" Finest CAPe KDd BAH In tbeCf
Wilson & White Co.Prop.Cbaa Perr> Mgr.
Pullcti l>omc
Foot of Sixth Rv*nu?
Most elegantly furnished house
in Alaska
Every modem convenience
Klectric lights? Hot and cold
water? Telephones
Porcelain baths on every floor
Board and room by the dry week
or month
Table supplied with cream and
butler frotti our own Jersuy
Dairy
mr$. fi. $. Pulkn
Proprietress
MKMHanHBOBC
J. lKUTfl
GRADUATE OPTICIAN
Expert Watch Maker
Jeweler and Engraver
Watches
r Diamonds
Native Jewelry
Souvenirs
SKAGWAY. ALASKA
Established 1897
Real Estate
BROKER
Collections
NOTARY PUBLIC
52 FOURTH AVE., SKAGWAY
ROYHL
Steam Ltaandry
All Work Guaranteed. Short
Order* Promptly
Done
Messenger will c&ll and dellw
PUou. 79
OOOOOOOOOOCK30C>QQQC8aCK83BCBK)ft
WE PLEASE OTHERS
WE CAN PliEASE YOU
Many of tlip larci'st open ton In
h<? North hlvr bc4>i rlrposHInc
?? It b t hlsSt p ?!.iT.r<>u>erv*t Ire Bank
tor years. This mates us quite fa
miliar with tho 5Pfd?l ivQulre
men'sof Alcskan has'rws*, ?n<1 wv
Vmm wt , in ploisr rou. VV pay
2 per t'enw. Intereston Cbot'kln*
A uin'- and ?? per i-entonSavlnrs
Capital s%3 Surplus ovet fSOOrt.OOO
Total A ss* u yrfr fl4.OOO.OA0
CALIFORNIA SAFE DEPOSIT AND
TRUST COMPANY
California and Montgomery St*.
"an FhakcipcO. California.
CfYLON TEA
That's the Brand
A Delloiout, F.xquislle
Aroma? A Flaror Une*
cclled? A Tf? that ooraes
direct from a Private
Plantation where It it
crown upder the most
favorable ronditlons
All Grocers handle it and
Are making a Beautiful
Window Display this
Week
The
American
Tailors
Nww Is the time to look after
your winter clothing. How a
bout your overcoat >r winter
suits'- We can mike new ones
? ?r r?;>air t he old one*. We hire
ju>t revived the latest fall
C<?od> and styles and we guar
antee to please you. You can't
Moral & Eherlich Props.
y
REMINGTON
TYPEWRITER
J. W. MARTIN, Agent
HAINES, ALASKA
STANDARD
OF THE WORLD
GoingOutside?
If you {are, take your <lnat and draft* to
Dexter Horton & Co,, Bankers,
S E A T T L E
and open a Saving* Account. Von can
open an account by mail if yon wi*h to.
Our total resource* exceed
S12.000.000.00
THE M0N06RAM
Received a Large Shipment of Imported Wine*
and Lft^uor* Direct from lior.Ued Wareboute
Duiie* I'mxl at Sk??w*T CoMomt
BLOOM A. KORACH, P*opwibto??
BROADWAY, BETWEEN 5tbud M AVENUES
TELETHON K 34 ? ? KIUX DCUTttY
MOORES WHARF CO.
Terminus W. P. k Y. Route
All South Round Steamer* Arrv# and Depart Fr*m Thi? DmIi
RKtitTLATIOm t?0&
Warehouse, open for delivery of merchandise from * a. m. to 5p.m
"Perishable* ONLY delivered oo Sunday or at nifbi.
All frtifht shipment* destined southbound mast be accnapMlod by ?
Shipper's M anifbst {paper* can be obtained at the C. 8. mtM
office) and must be delivered before t p. m. No frairhl will be re
ceived on wharf after this hour.
BAGGAGK? Toll* will be ooliecved oo Cbbcvkd Bagoagk Ont. No
chaise for baft and irrlp* when unchecked.
Tbe wharf rate will be ckwed to the public *bea U? mar la Mtftaf .
dock and will be Opened ool j whan piwrnpn have diwabaiicad,
Wharfag-e Tariff can be bad on tppHcaUoo at nfflceoo dock.
P. O. Boi ITS. C. K. WYNN-JOHN90N, Geal Mgr
CESTRALLT LOCATED HOST iOCOVWODATTOIrt
New Home Restaurant
Ch*r Prteraoe. Muivtr
Best 25 Cent Meale in the City
IFIFTH AVENUE, NEAR BROADWAY
Good Clean Beds From 25 Cents Up
BATHS IN CONNECTION
?Tsawn lUWuutieiLUJtWMJU?
r
Che Cight Chat's Right!
Our
Reading Camps
And ^
electric Signs
Ml
EDWIN BROWNE. M?r?.Ser.