Howe About:
Speeches
Doc Tilden
Hard Work
<£>. Dell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
..a,..
By ED HOWE
U'VERYBODY knows we nre nil
(Hinal; It Is In the Constitu
tion, which nobody doubts or falls
to honor.
At a speakers' table In my home
town In Kansas I recently followed
Henry 3. Allen, formerly governor
and United States senator; a well
known poor boy, who worked his
way through a university, and Into
the best home and newspaper olllee
In Wichita.
The party was given by my neigh
bors and friends to note that fifty
six years before I had arrived among
them. There were flowers, an or
chestra of forty, Swiss yodelers, dis
tinguished guests from out of town;
policemen out iu front handling
traffic, messenger boys bringing In
telegrams. Remember It was my
party, not Henry's!
Yet Henry Allen made the best
speech l ever heard In my life, and
I made the poorest one. I made as
poor a speech as I made in New
York in 1L>.7, when a hundred and
fifty friends honored me with a
dinner at the Biltmore hotel. As we
were going out, Irvin Cobb, who had
presided, said to me:
"Did you get your watch?'’
And I asked:
“What watch?"
"The watch we had such a devil
of a time raising money to buy you,"
Mr. Cobb replied. "Haven't yon
heard about it yet?”
I had been unconscious through it
al!; w hen on my feet trying to ex
press my thanks, and when the
watch was given me.
Henry Allen is so much smarter
than I am, he is unconstitutional.
I'll appeal to the Supreme court,
or the XRA. If that does no good.
I’ll Join others not as smart as
Henry Is, and riot. We haven't
been treated right under the Con
stitution.
Old Rill White, of Emporia, a
plain man of the people, was also
present. He's constitutional, all
right; I can make as good a speech
as he can.
I hnve been hearing a lot about
old Hoc Tllden of Denver, and hnve
looked him up. He aeems to he
eighty-two years old, and to hnve
as much sense as he ever had, with
strong indications he has always
had n good deal. After practicing
his profession In the regular way
many years, he hecame convinced
all our tinctures, ointments, pills,
lotions, powders were harmful, and
since then has been quarreling with
the doctors. Oh, yes, science has
been marvelously developed, says
the old doctor, but the people will
hnve none of it when it interferes
with the oid voodoo remedies for
poverty, colds, pains. We have all
become so big feeling, so proud,
we have forgotten not only onr man
ners, but the old common sense.
If we have a cold, we want a pill
cure. If we are poor, the voodoo
remedy Is easy; print more money.
If we are In danger, we knock on
wood for luck, and go In deeper.
Plato wns an old fogy; the old man
next door with his talk about
getting back to safety is an
other. . . . My Investigations seem
to indicate that old Doc Tllden Is a
good man; pays his debts politer
than the average old man, and be
lieves in all the decencies of life.
Those who hear of him believe he
Is a disagreeable fanatic, but
around Denver, where he has lived
many years, he stands rather higher
than the average.
* • •
Charles Darwin was an educated,
candid and worthy man I greatly
admired. Still, he was compelled
to occasionally guess, as I an com
pelled to do. He believed all prog
ress comes from peculiar individ
uals; “sports," ns men of science
call them, or the “heaven sent," as
rhetoricians prefer to style them.
... I disagree with the great Dar
win with an apology. I believe prog,
ress cotnes through the ages; from
reasonably good fathers handling
down to sons the results of their
experiences. I believe that the
“great genius" who invents a con
venience apparatus and blesses man
kind—as Bell Invented the tele
phone, Edison the electric light—Is
only a bard working man and be
haves reasonably well as a citizen
about it. The most useful and
agreeable men 1 have ever known
have been notably industrious and
well-behaved. Of course. Edison
and Bell were what we call “smart
men"; but every community is full
of them. There are millions of
tramps and vagrants who might
have become notable citizeng had
they appreciated as much as Edison
and Bell the importance of hnrd
work and character. ... I believe
the doctrine lately advanced that
a man who works hnrd and behaves
is thus strengthened In brain pow
er and character. I believe the so
clal cripples are due mainly to their
failure to accept the truth ail ex
perience has proven; that honesty is
the best policy; that every average
man may easier achieve sudlcient
success than what we call failure.
• • •
I think I am Injured as an Inno
cent bystander oftener than is the
average.
BEDTIME STORtf
%'THORNTON W. BURGESS^
PETER AND NIMBLE
HEELS COMPARE TAILS
DETElt RABBIT always has been
interested In tails. He Just can’t
help it. You see, he hasn't much of
a tail himself, so when he meets
Hnyone whose tail Is short he al
ways has a friendly feeling. And
when he meets one with a very long
tail he is always a wee bit envious.
I’eter is like many people In that he
always wants what he hasn't got.
For the life of hint I’eter couldn’t
keep his eyes away from the tail of
It Was the Longest Tail for the Size
of Its Owner Peter Had Ever Seen.
Ninibleheels the Jumping Mouse.
It was the longest tail for the size
of Its owner that I’eter ever had
seen. It was more than twice as
long as the body of Ninibleheels,
and it was slim and tapering. As
he looked at it I'eter couldn’t help
wondering how it was possible for
Ninibleheels to make such very big
Jumps when he had to take such a
long tail as that with him. It was
this which led him at Inst to ask
Ninibleheels if that tail didn't both
er him when he Jumped.
"Certainly not,” declared N'imble
heels very emphatically. “If I didn't
have such a long tail I wouldn't be
able to make such long Jumps.”
Peter looked ns surprised ns he
felt. “For goodness sake!” he ex
claimed. “What has your tail got
to do with your Jumping? I'm a
pretty good Jumper myself, or
thought I was until I met you, but
my tail doesn't have anything to do
with my Jumping.”
Ninibleheels laughed. It was a
funny, thin, high, squeaky, little
For Business Wear
Here Is a mighty attractive busi
ness suit In black rabbit’s hair wool
with a golden yellow print blouse.
The same print faces the revers and
cuffs.
laugh. “No,” said he, “I shouldn't
think It could have much to do with
your Jumping."
I'eter grinned and looked over his
1 shoulder at the funny little bunch
1 of cotton he calls a tail. "No," he
^ agreed, “It isn't much ns tails go,
’ and It Isn't of any use in Jumping
Ail the same It Is very useful and I
* don’t know how I would get along
! without It”
Nitnhleheels pricked up hls ears
! and looked interested. "Is that really
so?" lie asked. "1 never for a mln
‘ ute Imagined that such a tnil could
be useful. Of what use is It, pray?"
"As a guide when I am showing
my youngsters the way about out
side the dear Old Brier Batch,” re
plied I’eter promptly. “They can
see that white tnil of mine when
they can't see anything else, and
so they keep from getting lost. It
really Is very useful in this respect.
I don’t know what I would do with
out It. But you haven't told me yet
how you use that long tail of yours
In jumping.”
Nlmbleheels chuckled. “Oh," said
he, "I Just carry It along behind
me.”
I’eter looked at Nlmbleheels sharp
ly. He suspected that he was being
made fun of. "Where else would
you carry it, I'd like to know?” said
he.
“And that,” continued Nlmble
heels snapping his bright little eyes,
"is why I can Jump straight. It Is
my tail that gives me my balance
In the air. If anything should hap
pen to It 1 would never know where
I was going to land or how. I once
saw one of my family who lost hls
tail. It really was dreadful to sec
the poor fellow try to Jump. He
would turn over and over in the air,
sometimes land right on hls back. I
wouldn't have anything happen to
my tail for the world.”
“It Is rather important, Isn’t It?"
said I’eter, stating at that long tail
with great respect. "I should think
you would take the very greatest
care of It.”
"I do," replied Nlmbleheels.
®. T W. Burgess.—WNU Service.
THROUGH A WOMAN’S EYES
By JEAN NEWTON
MARITAL BRAKES
A CHICAGO Judge who hns had
40,000 cases of marital disputes
before him and reconciled 2,000 of
tlie couples, feels that he knows
something about why people go to
the divorce courts and—more im
portant—how they can be kept out
of them.
At the bottom of most marital un
happiness, this Judge Snbath of Chi
cago finds, are trivialities. “Such a
simple thing as a wife waving good
by to her husband when he goes to
work in the morning would avert a
good many divorces," he says.
And most important among all
his conclusions, is the conviction
that “most people want to do the
right thing." Therefore the usual,
trivial causes of trouble can be de
featcd by Just observing a few
simple rules. Here they are:
1. Have patience with each other.
2. Work together, play together,
grow up together.
3. In all disputes avoid excited
talk.
4. Do not conceal little differ
ences until they accumulate to the
breaking point; discuss them calmly
5. I!e frank with each other.
6. Sympathy and mutual under
standing are the pillars of the home.
7. Good humor In parting In the
morning and a cheerful greeting at
night.
8. Share responsibilities.
9. Establish a home of your own.
10. Make your bedtime prayers
a review of the day and never go to
i sleep without a clean slate.
Certainly these are all very simple
things, and none of the rules is
I startlingly new. If they are the an
swer to marital peace and happi
ness, and most of us will readily
agree, why nre they individually
j not more frequently observed?
Doubtless because they are simple
Still Looks Good to Us
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How Welsh Quarry Workers Return to the Village
I IP A IP A KIMOWS-I
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"Pop, what la bleak?”
"Piece of ticker tape.”
©. Belt Syndicate.—WNU Service.
enough and seem easy enough while
everything Is going smoothly. It Is
when they are most needed, how
ever, when there Is resentment and
dissention and hotheadedness, that
these simple remedies are not so
easy to observe. It Is like telling
a vehicle that Is rolling rapidly
down hill to be reasonable In turn
ing the corner.
That, you may say. Is what we
have brakes for. And thnt Is exactly
how married people should use such
a set of rules—as brakes, when they
feel things going down hill. Once
they stop you, the rest Is simple
enough. What they tell you to do Is
really what you want to do. It's
the stopping to think about It that
Is the big thing.
©. Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
“Now science tells us that a
man fifty-four has only the brain
of a fourteen-year-old boy,” says
Ironic Irene. “We know most of
them say they feel as young as a
boy at that age."
©. Bell Syndicate.—WNl] service.
SOME CANAPES
■“plIE canape has been popular for
A many years as an appetizer for
the beginning of a meal. Usuully the
foundation Is a bit of toast cut In
some form and covered with zippy
mixtures that not only please the
eye but sharpen the appetite.
Caviar Canapes.
Season caviar with a dash of ■
lemon Juice and a few drops of
onion juice, or rub the toasted circle
with a cut garlic for flavor. Spread
the caviar over the toasted rounds
of bread and sprinkle with chopped
hard-cooked eggs. Garnish with a
little fresh cress.
Crab Meat Canapes.
Toast slices of bread and cut Into
circles, then Into crescents. Cover
with crab meat seasoned with lemon
Juice, salt, cayenne and moisten with
' a little thick white sauce. Cover
the crescents rounding over the top
Spread with two tablespoonfnls of
butter and one tenspoonful of egg j
WORKERS nt the Craig Dhu
slate quarries near Merion
eth, Wnles, return to the village
after their day's labor on ingeni
ous trolleys. These consist of an
axle, a scat, a small wheel, and
roller, and the Invention, known
as the “car-gwyllt” (the car that
goes), saves the men a long walk
down the mountain side.
You Are My Music
By ANNE CAMPBELL
YOU nre my music, bringing liar
raony,
With your sweet self, to me;
Hinging clear bells above my busy
days,
Sounding a note of praise.
You nre my music. When I cense
to hear
The song of you, so dear,
Then I shall know the time has
come for me
To heed God's melody.
© by Western Newspaper Union.
Know
M I I ~ *S5aRCT
^■That the most deadly of all”
African snake* U the Black
Mamba. From it* bite, death
ensues in from 10 to 20
minutes. The cobras and
adders are also very deadly
arid the python, although
not venomous, crushes its
prey in its powerful coils.
© McOurs Nevtpiper Sywlkals
VVNU Service.
white. Sprinkle with cheese and
brown In n quick oven. Lobster
meat may be used the same way.
Mushroom Canapes.
Sniite mushrooms In butter until
nicely cooked, season with salt and
a dash of cayenne and place on thin
rounds of toasted and buttered
bread. Cover wlth# chopped hard
cooked eggs. Garnish with curls of
lettuce or sprigs of water cress.
Tomato and Cucumber Canapes.
Saute round of white bread In
butter on one side. Fry slices of
tomato In butter until well cooked
place on the round of bread, sea
son with salt and pepper, spread
with a thin coating of mayonnaise
and top with a thin slice of cucum
her. Sprinkle the top with chopped
cooked egg.
© by Western Newspaper Union.
Same Effect
“Isn’t Mrs. May's husband a gen
tle, patient man?”
“Maybe; but sometimes I think
he’s just scared.”—Stray Storks
Magazine.
Here's Your Chance to See a Ghost
t MtUMBI.INU to ruin, this a& room mansion on the estate ot the late
Harlow Higginbotham near Joliet, ill., is haunted, according to many.
Some who do not believe in spooks assert nevertheless that there are
strange goings-on at night in the abandoned old house. Built at a cost
of $200,000, tlie mansion was deserted seven months after it was completed
BCNEKS
The soil of Prussia was so poor
that the people had to work hard lo
stay on top.
BONERS are actual humorous
tid-bits found in examination pa
pers, essays, etc., by teachers.
Uncle Tom's cabin was a station
on the underground railway.
• * «
Three metals we have Just stud
ied are:
Arsenic, Antimony and Bismarck.
• • •
Shelley unfortunately died while
drowning In the Gulf of Leghorn.
* • •
There are people who see red nt
the thought of cruelty to animate
life, yet do not feel the slightest
twinge In viewing a wholesale
slaugher of inanimate life.
• • •
Anglo-Saxon poetry was mostly
Illiterate.
(£>. Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
WITTY KITTY
IJy NINA WILCOX PUTNAM
The Girl-Friend says that a mid
dle-aged man is one who has stopped
growing lengthwise and only grows
around the middle.
©. Bell Syndicate —WNU service.
Good Taste Today
By EMILY POST
Author of
“ETIQUETTE," “THE BLUE
BOOK OF SOCIAL USAGE,” Etc
MAN AND GIRL
DRAlt Mrs. Post: How far may
u girl run after a man?
Answer: Catlike, she may do a
little stalking! But ‘•run?’’ Not a
step. The freedom of today allows
her to go to meet liitn halfway, but
the girl who ruus, runs after a man
who runs faster.
To he sure, she can Invite him
to any sort of party, so long as It
Is not Just a slt-at-home purty of
two. She can say even to one who
has been lately Introduced to her:
“Come and see me sometime! I'm
almost always at home after five.1’
Or whenever she likes to be at
home.
She may also say to one she
knows at all well: “I’ll answer, If
you write me." She may also liny
tickets, hut not often, for an en
tertainment and telephone him, “I
have two tickets for the game (or
theater), would you like to go with
me?"
It Isn’t so much what she does,
ns the way she does It. A girl who
Is apparently Impersonal, who Is
“cat-like" In disguising tier Intent,
may pursue quite actually and with
success, whore one who bounds In
pursuit, like a puppy that has
slipped his collar, has lost the prize
at the start. All of which Is mere
common sense.
Dear Mrs. Post: Will you say
something about the behavior of the
young on the street who seem to
live In chattering, giggling groups?
Answer: School girls, factory
girls, or any other young women,
who troop Into the street together,
should avoid walking abreast In In
terlocking giggling and chattering
groups, which prevent other pedos
trlnns from getting by, attract the
attention of others, and Invite the
flirtation of any man who may stroll
Into view. If you must stand and
tnlk on the sidewalk, at least leave
a little room for people to pass, and
don't shout or "rough-house" or gig
gle. The place for “rough-house" Is
a gymnasium. If you must shout,
do It at a baseball game. And If
you feel like giggling, say your mul
tiplication table or take a course In
Impulse control I But whatever you
do—don't self consciously let your
nerves get the best of good sense.
Spontaneous laughter Is the most
delicious, the most contagious sound
In the world, but forced giggling Is
as annoying and as Inexcusable as
the continued flapping of a shutter.
AN EAR FOR PURITY
OF SPEECH
DEAR Mrs. Post: Although I
graduated from the University
of X—with honors—and have excel
lent letters 'of personal recommend
ation from members of the faculty, I
am unable to qualify for the posi
tion of Instructor In an eastern col
lege because of my voice and pro
nunciation. Both, I am told, are
typical of the X section of our coun
try, and seemingly displeasing to
eastern prejudices. As a devoted
reader of your column may I ask if
you can possibly tell me what to do
to acquire an attractive voice and
pronunciation? I am intelligent, I
think, and I am willing to go
through any amount of Intensive
study If I only knew how to go
about it.
Answer: The best advice i can
give Is to try to develop an acute
ear for spoken sound. Every one
knows whnt Is meant by an ear for
music, but very rarely does anyone
emphasize the much greater Impor
tance of an enr for Intonation, or
the purity of the spoken vowel
sounds. It seems to me that Just
as such naturalists and entomolo
gists ns William Hamilton Gibson
and Henri Fabre have proved that
not one pair of eyes In a million
behold the romance and drama of
Insect life along every foot of coun
try roadside. It Is equally true that
not one pair of ears In a million
hear with precision the scale of
spoken sound. And yet every
child In the world hns this ex
quisite sensitiveness, which grows
each year less acute. Of course,
I don't know whether we are as
uncarl ngly deaf (as we are uncar
Ingly blind to the Insect life of the
hedgerows) or whether at the end
of babyhood our ears fall to hear
clearly. Just as our eyes at the end
of middle age fail to see clearly.
As I have said, I can’t think of
better advice to give you than to
try to HEAR. If you can hear the
difference between a thin flat tone
and a full round one. between a
voice that comes down to rest on
the dominant note and one that
hangs In the nlr; if you can hear
rhe entire range of vowel sounds
as clearly as a violinist hears mu
sical notes, the chances are that
your tongue will produce without
effort what your ear exacts.
<£i by Emily Post.—WNU Service.
Cava Fish Lose Eyes
When fishes live confined to the
dark waters of cnves their eyes
nearly or completely disappear.
There are a few species of fish
whose habitat is practicnlly limited
to cave waters, but most of them
are of species to be found In out
side water; the loss of sight Is a
matter of Individuals and not of
species.