* - . • ff
“A SMILE"
From the Land bT the
MIDNIGHT SUN
Nome, Alaska.
Mrs. Benner—Do you know that
my balby is the most beautiful baby
in the world.
Mrs. Edwards -Well, what a
coincidence! So is mine.
Staylate—-Shall I sing Tosti’s
“Good By"?
Victim— Oh, don’t bother to
Hing it. Just say it.
Little Bobby had just gone home
to the city from the country, and
he was telling his mother about
it.
“Why Ma,“ said he, "out on tb
farmthey get milk from cows, and
.it’s Just as good as any.”
Hiram—How did you say that
city chap lost his hand
Ezekiel-—He put into the horse's
mouth to see how many teeth it
had. ■
Hiram—What happened then?
Ezekiel-— The hors© closed his
mout*h to see how may fingers thu
man had,
Professor of English Literature
—iCan you cite any passages in
Sha'kespeare that seem- to presage
the' coming of tne autdmofoile?”
Student—“Curses, not loud but
deep.”
Foolish Questioner— Pat. how
*did your nose come so red?
Pat—.It’s Just blushin’ wid mod
esty fer kapin’ itself out of other
people’s (business.
\
"The main difference betwixt ms
an, my hoy Jim,” oibsered a farm
er, "is that when I put in a day’s
work 1 don’t feel like runnln'
around nights, and when Jim
puts in a night runnln. around,
he don’t feel like puttin’ in a
day’s work.”
i
*T tell you , Jim," said his
father-in-law; “your wife is a wo
man in a thousand."
“I know it,” said Jim with
much feeling, “but you neen’t
rulb it in.’’
j A baseball player, when popping
lie question, put it this way:
"How'd you like to sign up with
me for a life game?"
The girl responded in the same
| vein: "O.K..; where's your di
I mond?”
! . ri_
o "
There was a politically unwise
Nome Swede who attended a Re^
publican rally shortly before the
first election of Woodrow Wilson.
After the Wilson ^landslide the
iSwede attended a Democratic eau
:us and, after siting up the crowd,
j remarked to a friend: “I cannot
I understand de.se American politics
I go to de Republican meet, an’
jden Igo to de Democratic meet.
An' den I see dat all de Democrats
| is Republicans too.”
An 8 2-year-old man had to pay
•SI for alienating the affections of
another man's wife. A fellow at
hat age could hardly alienate
more than a dollar's worth.
--
Mary, had a 111 tie dress,
A dainty bit and airy:
It didn't show the dirt a bit,
But, gosh how it showed Mary.
In case you are criticised by a
friend, don't get sore; profit by it.
Remember that people don’t spend
their time picking spots out of
j rotten apples.
An exchange claims to have dis
1 covered the laziest man in the
iworld. His name is Will Knot and
he saves effort by signing it, Won’t
__
A physician declares more people
have fits than formerly. Due, per
rhaps, to the survival «yf the fit»
est.
We read that more than 100
natives of Kentucky became gov
* rnors of other states. The rest
doutbtless became colonels at home.
A heretic is one who does not
share our pet superstitions,
„ Bven if we co^ld see ourselves
as others see us, we probably
wouldn’t believe our own eyes.
A stabilizer is not a man who
takers care of horses, and an early
settler does not mean a man who
pays his bill promptly on the first
of the month.
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TUB . Ml'KLI'K TK.VIL
(Continued from Pago Four)
WASHINGTon, May S— On the
legislative firing line of Capitol Hill
the tempo of today compared witli
that of yesteryear may be likened
to the difference between a single
shot musket and a machine gun.
Even the eldest of the veterans
dare not predict with any JegFe»
of certainty what is going to hap
pen from one day to the next.
But if anything appears definite
at this time, it is that the five
day week, six-hour day bill will
no; pass, or if it does it wil’ be
so greatly altered as to be almost
unreconizable in its present form.
So great is the risk, however, of
making any kind of a prediction
that it is altogether within the
realms of possibility that by ike
time this is read that the measure
will have been enacted into law.
The talk around the Capitol for
the last several days has been that
he bill is going to be shelved. It
is suggested that as a substitute
legislation will be offered where
by trade associations would reg
ulate their own industries, with
the federal government keeping
close wateh over the whole situa
tion It is problematic whether
anything of that character will be
offered during the special session.
Recent developments have indic
ated a desire not to press the five
day week bill. Hearings, first sch
eduled to last a full three weeks,
were suddenly cut short and end
ed Friday after witnesses had been
heard over a period of eight days.
Alfred Sloan Jr., President of
General Motors Corporation, was
the last of the important witness
es He voiced opposition to the
legislation in its present form.
Secretary of Labor Perkins was
a strong suporter and urged that
a minimum wage provision he add
ed. The American Federation of
Labor could not go along with her
on that.
As passed by the Senate the bill
provided that foreign importations
would not have to be produced by
labor conforming^ to the five-day
week and six-hour, day. Repres
entative William Connery, Jr. of
Massachusetts introduced the House
bill and it would make necessary
compliance wi'th the measure by
foreign nations shipping their
goods to the U.S
Delegate Dimond could not test
ify because of his illues. He did,
however, file a written statement
urging that Alaska be exempted
from the bill on the ground that
its application there wrould be
nothing short of ruinous. Every
major industry in the Territory, he
pointed out, would have to cur
tail operations, perhaps almost to
the vanishing pohu^ Those de
pendent upon tlpj fisheries and
gold mining for their livlihood,
comprising by far the majority of
Alaskans gainfully employed, would
Ihtve their incomes drastically cur
tailed or perhaps even cut off al
together. The result would be
that the Territory would be do
populated. Isolated mining camps
where there often times is no sur
plus of labor would have to let
the precious, water flow past them
unused if they were to comply
strictly with the provisions of the
law. The Delegate pointed om
that if foreign products were im
ported with out* labor restrictions
similar to those in the United
States, Alaska coal mines, already
handicapped by British Columbia
competition, might stand In danger
of losing the local markets which
they have now. He also noted
what the effect of all this would
Ibe on ithe Territory treasury.
Delegate Dimond continues to
make exceedingly rapid progress
toward recovery following his re
cent operation for removal of his
appendix. So far as he was con
cerned, he felt ready to go home
albout four days after the oper
ation but the doctor did not ap
prove It is probable he will go
home today and rest there for a
few more days before resuming
his official duties.
A new Navy rule forbids ensigns
to marry for two yearB after grad
uation. Why not let then marry
and learn to fight.
•irsT_HANGING OX
t A let ter r«*c«ived by A1 Garter
from one of his d«dWors
loentelmen:
! I wish to inform you that the
present shattered condition of my
bank account makes it impossible
for me to send you my check in
response to your request. My!
present financial condition is due
to the effect of the federal laws,
» ’ .■ .. ' j
state laws, county laws, incorpor
ation laws, by-laws, brother-in
laws, and outlaws that have foist
ed upon an unsuspecting public.
Through these various laws I have
isten held down, held up, sat on,
walked on, flattened, squeezed and
broke until I do not know what 1
am. where I am, or why I am.
These laws compel me to pay a
merchant tax, capital tax', and car-,
pet tax.
Iii addition to these tax*** I am
requested and required to contrib- J
ute to every society and organiza-j
mind of
man can invent and organize. . To
the Society of St. John the Baptist
the Woman’s Relief, the Mari’s Re
treat. the Navy League, the Chil
dren’s Home, the Policeman’s Ben
efit. the Dorcas Society, the Y.M.
C. A., It he Gold Digger's Home
also to every hospital and charit
aible institution in the town, the
Red Cross, the Black Cross the
-White Cross, the Purple Cros*
and the double cross.
The government has so govern- j
ed my business that I do not j
know who awns it. I am sug- !
pected. expected, inspected, d Is-.
respected, examined, re-examined.!
informed, required commanded,
and compelled until all I know is
A Ji'essagr ifrniu
A 1
Nome, Alaska j
1
sourdough;, stationery for
\
SALiE AT THE NUGGET OFFICE.
tha-:—I am supposed ro provide ah
inexhaustible supply of money for
every known and unknown need,
desire or hope of the human race,
and because I refuse to donate
all and tHhh go out and beg bor
row or steal money to give away.
I am ousted, cussed.' discussed,
boycotted, talked to, talked abou
lied to, lied about, held up, held
down, and robbed, until I am jus;
about ruined.
As to my personal .affairs,
which you were always too damped
curious, my wife just left for a six
weeks stay in Reno. My eldest
daughter told me last week sh»
had stayed out all night with the
son of a prominent Rotarian; mt
boy haB come down with the mea
sles; the dog had to be shot be
cause of rabies; and the cat hail
a lit* er of kittens on my tux
where it fell down in the clothes
closet. Last night I lost my
week's profit in a little p'uki
gtlTfie with on • o' your d't'.ec1
The only reason I am cling
to life is to see what the hell in
coming next.
Respectfully,
Jonathan J. Doe
NOT1CB
All ropy for changing adienlta
■icn»« In Weekly Hogget most be In
the printer* hand* not later thaa
THURSDAY, 8 P. M., to Insure ln
■ertlon.
NOTICE OF FINAL, SETTLEMENT
In the Probate Court for th
Cape Nome Precinct In the Second
Division of the Territory of Ala
ska, before the Honorable C. \V
Thornton, U. S Commissioner' and
Ex-Officio Probate Judge.
In the Matter of the Estate ,of
W, H. -STURTEVANT. dcofasc]
TNOTK E IS HEREBY GIVEN
HARR Y tV. STURTEVANT of
Milo, State of Maine. MRS. MIN
NIE R. HATHAWAY, and MISS
EDITH STURTEVANT of Winthrop
State of Maine, and ARTHUR
STURTEVANT, of Franklin, State
of Vermont, that the Administrator
of thd Estate of W.H. Sturtevant,
deceased, has filed in said * court
his Final Account as such Admin
istrator, and that Saturday, the. '
5th day of August, 1933. at the
hour of ten o’clock in the fore
noon of said day,-has been fixed
by the Court as the date of hear
ing the? objections, if &ny. to said
Report, and that at the same
time and place the Judge of said
Probate Court will he<jr. adjudi
cate, and determine who the heirs
and distributees of decedent are.
S C. Anderson
Administrator.
Publish June 3. 10. 17. 24. July
1, 1933.
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