Howe About:
Different Characters
A Woman’s “Utopia**
Natural Law
©. Ball Syndicata.—WNU Sarrlca.
By ED HOWE
'T'HE last empress of Russia was
a good woman; never a breath
of scandal about her. She was de
voted to her children, to her church,
and actually loved her husband.
Every day of her life she did char
ity work, or talked about It. She
believed In sending missionaries to
convert the henthen. She loved art,
and lived In an emotional and sen
timental atmosphere all her life, to
the entire neglect of practical com
mon sense and education; she talked
Incessantly of Justice for her sub
jects, and actually treated them so
badly thnt finally they beat her to
death, together with her husband
and children.
Katherine, also of Russia, was not
a beautiful character; In fact, a
good deal of a tom boy, but no one
ever charged her with being a sen
timental fool. She was so much
devoted to common sense thnt she
Invited Voltaire, master of It, to her
court; she bid against Frederick the
Great In an attempt to buy him,
that he might give her subjects the
benefit of his wisdom.
No fortune tellers or mystics
were admitted to her circle of
friends or advisers; had she Invit
ed a Rasputin to her court by the
back stulrway, she would hnve
slapped his mouth had he talked the
nonsense Rasputin talked to the
last empress of Russia.
I don’t know there Is any moral
to this, but It Is a curious Incident
In history I often think about.
• * *
“A woman’s Idea of Utopia," a
wife writes, "Is to have her husband
far smarter than she Is In the nec
essary activities of life. Such a
husband enrns more money than
she could, and spends and Invests
It with better sense. He makes It
possible for her to be with Inter
esting and Important people. He
flatters her constantly, and consid
ers It definitely his business to make
her life a success. She has time
to keep herself decorative." . . .
This will flatter the men a little,
and the poor devils get so little of
It I have gone to the trouble of re
printing It
From the beginning of the human
race every man of reasonable In
telligence has finally admitted that
natural law Is the supreme power,
and cannot be changed. What we
call the Capitalistic System (and
which so many say Is tottering) is
natural law. Every race of men has
practiced It, hated It; millions have
said there Is no death, but every
one has defeated his own argu
ment by dying. . . . Get food,
clothing, shelter; extract from life
such comfort as Is In It That Is
the law of Nature and of the Capi
talistic System. Living In idleness
off the neighbors Is the doctrine of
a rebel thrown out of God's king
dom.
• • •
At one time Sllerlus was In effect
dictator of old Rome. Sllerlus no
where says this In his writing, but
the Introduction to the memoirs says
Sllerlus was head of the army, and
close adviser and friend of the em
peror, a weaker man. In that an
cient time Sllerlus wag In the posi
tion of the modern Mussolini In
Italy, or Hitler In Germany, al
though not an equally great brawler.
Sllerlus confesses In his memoirs
that were he free to completely or
der the affairs of the people, he
could not think of a plan better
than the plan they had worked out
for themselves. He often thought,
he said, of an Ideal world, but the
old human nature alwayB Intruded,
and he could agree on no plan that
would probably work better.
Sllerlus was a vigorous, adven
turing man with women, and
thought much of better relations be
tween the sexes, but concluded at
last that a new and better way,
offering less quarreling and suffer
ing, could not be devised. "The
charges of the men and women
against each other are true," he
said, "but I can think of no rem
edy.”
In his time the political parties
were distinguished by colors; the
radicals were called blues, the con
servatives greens, etc. He sided
with neither; charges of both were
true, he decided, as were the
charges of the poor against the rich,
the charges of the rich against the
poor, but he did not bankrupt his
government trying relief plans, as
he could think out no remedy prom
ising success.
* • *
1 have long observed that when I
am out of condition I can get
prompt results by eating less; by
missing a meal or two, and behav
ing better In other respects. . . .
There are a few things the bulk of
the people have never learned. One
Is that they must be their own doc
tors, their own philosophers—their
own relief bureau. A great scientist
says that nothing In the study of
the stars, of the soul, of the old
Greeks, has Interested him as has
the study ef his own body; of regu
lating It, subduing It, getting bless
ings Instead of curse* from It.
^ BEDTIME STORY }
By THORNTON W. BURGESS
NIMBLEHEELS JUMPS
BLINDLY
A FUNNY thing about this world
** Is the unexpectedness of
things. Have you ever noticed that7
Good things come to you unexpect
edly and bad things happen In Just
the same way. Some folks are al
wnys expecting bad things to hap
pen, and It sometimes seems ns If
they were Just the people to whom
bad things do happen.
Nimbleheels. the Jumping Mouse,
for his size the most wonderful of
all Jumpers. Is one of the most
He Jumped Blindly and Then
Wished He Hadn't.
timid members of a most timid fam
ily. Not even his cousin, Nlbbler
the House Mouse, is more timid. So,
like all timid people, Nimbleheels
is all the time expecting something
to happen. Anyhow, that Is the
way it appears to his neighbors.
To be sure, Nimbleheels has
enough to make him timid. Like
the rest of his fnnilly, he Is forever
being hunted. In the daytime he
never knows when the keen eyes of
a member of the Hawk family are
upon him. At any time of day
Black Pussy the Cat may come
stealing through the grass looking
for him. At night Hooty the Owl,
Reddy Fox and Old Man Coyote
hunt for him as they do for his
cousin, Danny Meadow Mouse. So
Nimbleheels is always ready to
Jump at the least hint of danger.
You mustn’t understand from what
I have told you that Nimbleheels
always goes in great long Jumps
when he moves about. That Is what
Peter Rabbit thought at first, and
Peter was quite surprised when he
discovered that Nimbleheels runs
about on the grouud In much the
same way as Ills relatives. It Is
when he is startled or in great dan
ger that Nimbleheels Jumps.
He is much like Peter Rabbit in
that he prefers the night to the
day for traveling about. That is
one reason why he Is not better
g_ ■ ~ ■ — ^
I GM&Gv/o
"The Joy of bicycle riding,” says
ex-flivverlng Flo, "is to circle around
a traffic cop on two wheels and
laugh at his big feet at the same
time without getting a ticket to
traffic court."
©. Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
known by the little people of the
dnytime. That Is the time he likes
to sleep curled up in a sang little
nest under a grassy tussock or up
turned sod. This Is Just what he
was doing one day not long nfter
his visit to the dear Old Brier
Batch. He was fast, yes, very fast
asleep, dreaming the dreams that
mice love best. Not a single soul
knew where Ills cozy little bed was.
lie had slept there for so many days
without once being disturbed that
he felt quite safe there. Whenever
hi went out looking for food he ex
peeled something to happen, hut
there In that carefully hidden little
nest he never expected anything to
happen.
This being so, perhaps you enn
Itnngine how Nlmblehcels felt when
lie was wakened from those bennti
fill mouse drenrns by the shaking
of the ground by heavy footsteps
very near him. His eyes (lew open,
but down there among the stems
of the tall grasses he could see
nothing. Swish, swish, came through
the grass and something very big
and terrible seemed to he right over
him. Nlmbleheels was too fright
ened to think. But If he couldn't
think, he could Jump, and Jump he
did, without once looking where he
was Jumping. He said afterward
that there wasn't time foi that. He
Jumped blindly nnd then wished he
hadn't. He landed in the queerest
place you can Imagine. Can you
guess where?
©. T W. Burgess.—WNU Service.
THROUGH A
W>mans Eyes
By JEAN NEWTON
A PERMANENT WAVE IN
ONE’S TEMPERAMENT
ill KNOW It would be better If I
^ were enlm and collected nnd
more stable nnd poised, and It would
certainly bo easier living with me,"
said a really lovable young person
I know, “but I'm Just not built that
way. I am what I am—there’s
nothing I cnn do about It but let
people hate me 1”
If the same girl weighed 180
pounds and had a 40-inch waistline,
would she say, “I'd like to be slim,
but I’m Just not built that way”?
I doubt it. I think she would
hustle right out nnd get that eight
een day diet, or the nine-day diet,
or whatever It Is called, that takes
the fat off the hips and reduces the
waistline nnd changes a “44" Into
a “16.” I think she would bravely
forego starches nnd turn her back
on sweets, though she hnd to clench
her fists to eat lettuce, when she
craved Ice cream nnd summon all
her will power to down lemon Juice
In place of “double malted!”
If the same girl hnd a fnce that
Just went with curls and ringlets,
but was gifted with tresses ns
straight as a poker, would she
blithely say, “I’d look so much bet
ter If my hair hnd a wave, but what
can I do when It Just wasn’t made
that way"?
I doubt It. I think this girl would
hie herself to the beauty shop for
a permanent wnve, even though It
meant going without lunches or
working overtime to be able to af
ford It. I think she would cheer
fully give the time nnd any forti
tude that might be required for the
operation and no less cheerfully
continue to take the time nnd make
the effort necessary to keep those
curls looking their best.
No more fortitude than Is required
to discipline her figure would dis
cipline her temperament, and the
time and effort that turns straight
. hair Into lovely curls would make
I the necessary Improvement In a dis
Makes 80,000 Exposures a Second
DEVELOPED by a German electrlal company, the cumern shown above
Is capable of 80,000 exposures a second. Operations of the shortest
duration, such ns the oscillation of springs, valve motion of combustion
engines, light processes of fuses and switches, and other movements
which the human eye Is Incapable of seeing, can be clearly photographed.
The reel runs with such rapidity that It Is Impossible to wind the exposed
film which, therefore, is caught In a black bag attached to the camera.
porE IML’S XI and the Vatl
* can clergy are here seen nt
mass In the Slstine chapel cele
brating the thirteenth anniversary
nf the coronation of the holy fa
ther.
position that lacks “calm and
poise.” Would our young friend say
that lids Is less Important? Oh. no;
she just never looked at it that way ;
that's all.
©. Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
ftONERS
When the hook says that Sir
Philip Sidney was an nrlstocrat it
meant that he did stunts in a circus.
BONERS are actual humorous
tid-bits found in examination pa
pers, essays, etc., by teachers.
Spontaneous combustion Is a term
applied to a had case of measles or
smallpox.
• • •
A hottentot Is a sausage sandwich
with mustard on It.
• • •
Minnehaha is the feminine form
of horse-laugh according to modern
slang.
• • •
When Bassanlo said "As I live,
I am upon the rack,” he meant,
"Wherever I hang my hat Is my
home.”
• • •
Vitamin Is a kind of coal mined
In Iowa.
• • •
The prehistoric Egyptians dressed
In skin.
©. Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
SUNSHINE SPICE CAKE
AND OTHER THINGS
T'AKE one cupful of brown sugar,
* one-lialf cupful of shortening,
one cupful of sour milk, one-half
teaspoonful of soda, two eggs, re
serving one yolk for the frosting,
two teaspoonfuls each of cinnamon
and baking powder, one teaspoon
ful of cloves, one-half teaspoonful
of nutmeg, one and seven eighths
cupfuls of flour. Mix In the order
given and bake in layers.
Frosting for Sunshine Cake.
Mix one and one-third cupfuls of
confectioner's sugar, one teaspoon
I IP A IP a mi\ows
I a
"Pop, what Is fan tan?”
"Chinese contract bridge.”
e Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
For (he Young Lady
This pretty spring gown Is notable
for the charmingly young square
neck line bordered simply with n
doubled frill of the print to match
that on the sleeves.
ful of melted tint ter, one egg yolk
and enough thin cream to make of
the consistency to spread. Place
i between layers and on top.
Orange Fudge.
Take one well washed orange, re
move seeds and put through the
food chopper, after grating the rind.
Measure one cupful of water, mix
the rim! and Juice and rook until
tender; add one cupful of the liquid
with enough of the Juice to make
with water a full cup, add four cup
fuls of sugar and one small cnn of
condensed milk. Itoil to the soft ball
stage. Heat until cool.
Creamed Potatoes.
When creaming potatoes, sprinkle
a tablespoonful of caraway seed into
them. This gives a delicious flavor
to the dish which will he enjoyed
by those who like caraway.
Corn Dodger-.
Take three cupfuls of cornmenl.
sift with one-half tenspoonful of
salt, one tenspoonful of baking pow
SET MY FEET IN
THY WAY
By ANNE CAMPBELL
CUT my feet in thy way, dear God!
^ It will be easy then
To tread tlie paths the saints have
trod
Far from the haunts of men.
There are two roads that I may
take.
One climbs the starry heights.
And one, pursued for t lie vain
world's sake,
Is lost in bitter nights 1
Set my feet in thy way, oh Lord,
And let me see the sweep
Of white-clad angels moving toward
Thy presence, still and deep.
There Is n loveliness scarce seen
Except hy inner eyes.
That lifts onr souls beyond the mean.
And makes us line and wise.
Set tny feet In thy way, dear God.
And may my spirit find
In reaching upward, with the clod,
Tlie growth for me designed.
There Is a fuller life for me
Above the common day.
Help me to reach it finally!
Set my feet in thy way!
CopyrlRht.—WNU service.
WITTY KITTY
Ily NINA WILCOX PUTNAM
The Girl-Friend says nothing is
ever lost through politeness, except
a subway seat.
der, and three tahlespoonfuls of lard
well rubbed into the dry mixture.
Add buttermilk with a little soda to
make of the consistency to handle.
Shape Into small flat cakes and
place on a greased baking sheet.
Bake In a hot oven until a golden
brown.
©by Western Newspaper Unton.
_
Streamlines
Good Taste Today
By EMILY POST
Author of
“ETIQUETTE,” "THE BLUE
BOOK OF SOCIAL USAGE," Etc.
AVOIDING THE NAME JUNIOR
r\EAIt Mrs. Post: We would like
to christen our baby with the
same name as his father. Hut we
hesitate because we do not want
him to be called "Junior" by every
one, which we have grown to dis
like wry fniich. Under these cir
cumstances, would It l.e very Im
proper to write his name with the
suflix 2nd?
Answer: You cannot call him 2nd
because this means nephew or
cousin of a man of the same name.
"Junior" Is son or grandson. Rut
If you call your boy Jack If his fa
ther Is John, or Fred If his father
Is Frederick, or Henry If his father
Is called Harry, no one will call
him Junior unless you begin it,
or at least encourage It.
My dear Mrs. Post: Will yon toll
me about a christening at home?
What kind of Invitation Is sent and
what .cfreshtnenls are usually
served?
Answer: Taking It fur granted
that you have consulted your clergy
man and that he Is willing to chris
ten the baby in your house, you
either telephone or else write on
your card, "IJaby's christening,
Wednesday, September 20, live
o’clock r. 8. v. p." Cover a small
table with a white cloth or a piece
of brocade and on It put the bowl
that Is to ho used ns the font—a
silver one If you have It. If you
haven't a silver one, use a Chinn
one, and lay flowers around It. The
service Is exactly the same as In
church. The godmother holds the
baby and the two other godparents
stand next to her.
After the ceremony serve white
almond cake, and caudle (a rather
mild sort of eggnogg with which
every one Is supposed to drink the
baby's health).
* « «
Dear Mrs. Post: Would you say
that a christening without having
godparents Is much the same ns
what you say about a wedding with
out the bride in the traditional
white hriilnl veil and orange blos
soms—"It Is a frame with the pic
ture left out"? In the same way
that a bride can be married with
out these trimmings. Is It possible
to christen n baby without having
godparents?
Answer: Marriage Is equally le
gal no matter what the bride wears.
At a christening the service of some
chnrehes requires that a bahy have
"sponsors in baptism," that Is, god
parents—just ns tlie marriage serv
ice requires that the bride be given
a ring.
PROPRIETIES
pvEAIt Mrs. Post: The other day
at the tennis club a boy who
hnd been playing in the next court
asked me very eagerly if I would
play with hint some day soon. Would
it he improper for me to call him
up?
Answer: I certainly would not
telephone him, not because of any
especial Impropriety but because
you would seem overenger to see
him again. Hut If you see him at
the club some day. there is no reas
on why you might not ask him casu
ally, "Would you like to play?"
* * *
Dear Mrs. Post : Is It essential
(In this day of unsettled living) to
have an address on a man's visit
ing card? If there Is no address
on the card, should one be written
on In pencil when necessary?
Answer: The address on a card
Is so convenient that it is best to
have It put on, especially as several
successive addresses can he cut
on the same plate. Of course. If
you have no address on It and the
person for whom you leave It does
not know where you live, write In
pencil.
• * *
My Dear Mrs. Post: I am plan
ning to be married this month anil
must have a very simple anil small
wedding. Several weeks ago a
friend of mine had a shower party
and invited almost every one of my
friends. 1 feel ns though I should
Invite to my wedding all these kind
people who gave cie lovely gifts, but
how can I when I cnn't even in
clude my own relations, outside of
our immediate families? llow does
one draw the line in making up such
a list?
Answer: I don't think that you
can very well accept the shower
presents and then not Invite the giv
ers—let alone the friends who give
tiie shower parties—to the wedding.
You would better have said, “Thank
you, Mary, hut don't have a shower
for me because I can't ask any
one but the family to my wedding."
It Is quite possible to cut your list
as you please so long as you are
consistent. Ask aunts and uncles
and stop at tirst cousins. Or ask
cousins you know well and omit
those you never see. Ask really
Intimate friends, and no others,
by Emily Post.—WNU Service.
Grand Island
Grand island, in the Niagara riv
er several miles below Buffalo, is
about seven miles long, and toward
its northern end only a little less In
width. It has an area of about 30
square miles, and is occupied by
several villages.