A ROUGH JOKE
Among the passengers enroute south
on the steamer Northwestern was W.
E. Smythe, the newspaper correnpond
ent, a friend and booster of Gifford
Pinchot, who at that time, was on the
way to ti j Matanuska coal fields.
Some congenial spirits, always prepar
ed to job somebody, were fellow pas
sengers, and they put their heads to
gether to put one over on the Pinchot
man. As the big steamer was pulling
out from Ketchikan, a -small boy ran
down the dock, yelling at the top of
his voice, “A cablegram for Smythe.”
Smythe heard the cry, and yelled to
the captain to stop the ship. But the
skipper failed to give ear to the ap
peal. The small boy succeeded in get
ting the precious missive to Smythe,
however, and in the presence of the
assembled crowd of passengers the
newspaper man’s eye hastily scanned
the contents. “My God! They have
assassinated Pinchot!” he cried, and
read, in effect, as follows:
“Seward, Sept. 13.—After address
ing an angry mob of miners and pros
pectors at Glacier creek last night, Gif
ford Pinchot went out for a walk. He
had not returned this morning, and
it is believed that he has met with foul
play or wandered away and is lost,
or was killed by a brown bear. People
here give credence to the belief that
he has been assassinated.’ ’
But four of the passengers were in
on the joke. The rest took it serious
ly and gave expression to their views
according to their sentiments. Smythe
hastened to the wireless operator’s
room and sent messages to his papers
and sought further information from
Seward. No news was forthcoming.
A day passed by, and the fate of Pin
chot was the chief subject of conver
sation. That night one of the jobbers
sought Smythe, who passed the greater
part of his time in the wireless man’s
room, and told him that the passengers
had decided to have, in the social hall,
something in the nature of a memorial
service over Pinchot, and suggested
that he give the principal address. “Is
this a jokef” queried Smythe. “Cer
tainly not,’’ said the jobber. “Know
ing you to have been a warm personal
friend of the departed, I naturally
came to ask you to speak a few words
in his memory.’’ Smythe consented
and repaired to the social hall, where
all of the passengers had assembled.
The newspaper man is a fine public
speaker. In glowing terms, he praised
the high qualities of the deceased, re
citing his disinterested efforts in the
people’s behalf. Before he had com
pleted his eulogy, nearly all of his aud
itors were in tears. One of the jobbers
was asked to speak. The passengers
were shocked at the tirade of abuse
which he heaped at the head of the
supposed martyr. He said he heartily
endorsed the action of the hardy min
ers and prospectors of Glacier creek
who had undoubtedly done away wit^
the former chief forester, but said they
had erred in not first treating him to a
dose of tar and feathers.
Smythe was thunder struck at the
language. “That’s a sample of your
Alaskans,” he said to a fellow pass
enger, after the jobber had finished.
The next day Smythe received a
wireless message denying the report.
He then realized that He had been job
bed. He sought refuge ip his state
room and was not seen during the re
mainder of the voyage.—-Seward Gate
way,
MATAHT7SXA COAL PRAISED
“There is an abundance;of good coal
in the Matanuska coal fields. The
seams are large and there is an. absence
of the folding and crushing which is
bo noticeable in the Bering river fields.
The report of the United States geo
logical Burvey in connection with the
field are absolutely correct.” Se de
clares Dr. Joseph A. Holmes, director
of the United States Buream of Mines
who, assisted by Sumner S, Smith, min
ing inspector of Alaska, F. W. C.
White and several other coal experts,
has just completed an examination of
the Alaska coal fields under an order
direct from President Taft. Upon Dr.
Holmes’ report will be based any coal
land legislation that may come before
congress at its next session.
Dr. HolmeB refuses to go into de
tails of his report before it is filed
with the secretary of the interior.
<■‘ The Matanuska region offers the
best agricultural possibilities of any
place I have seen in the territory,” he
said. "There are a number of home
steaders there and they have raised,
successfully, barley, rye, oats and all
the common root crops.
"The idea that oats or wheat will
not ripen in Alaska, in my opinion is
erroneous. There are some splendid
gardens on Chiealoon and Matanuska
rivers. The valleys are wide and the
loam is deep. There is not much rain
fall, and there is really a splendid
chance for irrigation.
All kinds of vegetation is rank and
this probably is the reason why there
is so much wild game in that section.
We had mountain sheep on our table
all the time we were in the field and
saw many bear and other wild ani
mals. ''—Cordova Alaskan.
AURORA BOREALIS
The phenomena known as the aurora
borealis, visible in the northern heav
ens especially during the winter
months, has long been the subject of
discussion among men of a scientific
turn of mind. When a chechaco comes
to town, it is a favorable pastime for
congenial spirits who enjoy a josh, to
tell of the “hissing” of the aurora.
A scientific explanation of this phe
nomena is given, not only for the
knowledge and benefit of the chechaco
but the sourdough as well, because he
knows as little of this strange visitor
in the heavens as the new comer. He
has observed the wondrous beauty o^'
the appearance; the chechaco has not.
This is the only difference.
This phenomena in nature occurs
when the mologifastic temperature of
the horizon is such as to caloricize the
impurient indentations of the hemis
pheric analogy, the thorax curbistum
becomes surcharged with infinitesimals
which are thereby deprived of their
fissural disquisitions. This effected, a
rapid change takes place in the thorum
bumpter of the gaseous palerium,
which causes a change in the convalvu
lar of the hexagonial antipodes of the
terrestrial aqua versula. The clouds
then become a mass of deoderized
speculae of cirmocular light, which can
be seen only when it is visible. Thus
is the aurora borealis formed. Thus is
disclosed an arcana coelestia.—Seward
Gateway.
SULZER’S PROPOSAL
The proposition which has been made
by Congressman Sulzer that Alaska
should be divided into three portions
with much advantage is, it appears,
meeting with approval on the Outside.
Ketchikan papers extrolled the plan to
the skies, and it would seem to be ac
ceptable even in unexpected places. It
surely has one great and prominent ad
vantage, it would increase the number
of jobs at the disposal of the adminis
tration, and where is now one governor,
would be, under the Sulzer scheme,
three. Northern Alaska which would
become Alaska proper under the sug
gested change could be governed by a
Beveridge Bill, and the number of
places which would be filled by faith
ful henchmen could be increased
throughout manifold.
No other advantage, at least to the
man in the street, is very obvious, but
then this is such a distinct advantage,
that it possesses merits, enough to com
mend it to the powers that be, as well
as the powers which hope to be.—Nome
Industrial Worker. ;
ESKIMO SATES CREW
Details have been received of the
loss of the power schooner F. 8. Red
field on August 21 on Cape Prince of
Wales, which is the point of land of
the American hemisphere nearest to
Asia. The Redfield went on a sandy
beach during a violent storm. On ac
count of the surf it was impossible to
lower a boat.
An Eskimo named Enik devised a
plan of eseape. Taking a sealskini, he
inflated it, attached a rope to it and
threw it overboard to be washed ashore
by the sea. Natives on the beach pick
ed up the sealskin and the rope and the
people on the schooner were hauled
ashore over a tackle rigged by the sail
ors and Eskimos.
Bargains
This Week
Cor
sets!
We are the exclusive agents for the
Redfem and Warner’s Rustproof cor
sets. In all forms and materials, the
best line of corsets made. .$1.25 to $10.
STUBBINS
WELL MADE AND BEAUTIFUL
Doe* not cost u much ae some people
think. Shit 9mx Choirs and Tobies
Book Oases, and Indeed all Oux Fumi
tnre adds much to the cosiness of home.
Alaska Furniture & Undertaking Co.
L. a. THOMAS, Mgr.