The Chief Ghost*s Column
,By‘: ThO "’Old * Cynic y t -
li vV
TH^ SOURDOUGH *3 LAMENT
I’m a tough old sourdough
vvhen.I.’m full.of bqoz.e,
Vvant raw meat ,\iril4v ‘5•*' -Y'
And my .wild !women*'lpbse; . • '
. ... 4.>
•I> lov,e t9 eat beaver, *. “ :
And young black bear, - • • '
Crazy about lynx,
And snowshoe hare. • ‘ /*
I love a squaw
If, she stinks like fish,
Brown as a nut,
..And -hair like a swish*
I like the weather,.
.\Vvhen it’s bitter, cold,
And strikes like that nail,
Through the parka1s fold* '
I like to mine
In'‘the ground fo'r gold,
Dig.\ike a beaver, •
^.ndynever grow' old; '
&pt then. aiso,
It might be said*,;
That when I’m buried,
And probably dead:
That old wild meat,*
That I loved to eat, . «
Vvas -mighty good,
*Apd hard.to beat;
(If,-it had tasted like Iowa beef^.
-‘The squaw that set
..-My heart all awhirl,
.Mas • a..wins one lass, /
She was quite a girl;
(If, she had looked white* and had
once in awhile used a three
syllable word).
And the terrible weather,
That thrilled me so,
V*as mighty, nice,
With it’s forty below;
(if,. I was sitting by a hot stove
talking'' about it).
And the-mines I worked,
And the gold I dug
Was wondrous rich,. • *
ror an old gold bug;’
(If, my listeners pretended they
sbelieved the stuff I was telling).
But the old sourdough,
With all his bragging,
Never.could match*
All the current nagging;
(By these cheechakos who pretend
that Alaska can* operate and support
Statehood),1 __
The . Old. Cynic is-beginning to real
ize 'that ‘he is not.fit to live with
or near decent, clevan‘minded people,
SEX, SEX, S-iiX, is and always has
b..e.en> t^ho. .foremost idea in human
thinking. What U&nic
Wonders-1 is why t'he matter* is so
•■saturat^ed iand befudd 1 ed with un
abaafteti ^ypocracy. Now for biolog
ical and socialogical reasons there
'•are Infinite tabpo.s and-,.limitations
on,the.discussions and practices of
sex* -Since. the. discussion, of.'some
aspects-; of .sex .are limited or for-‘
bidden the .sudden introduction of"*
•sex- into "any subject matter is' un
expected and therefore; lends itself
to humor, It is the ..sudden turn .
from what seems to be - reasonably •
expected that makes for the fun
damental element.of humor,. A man
walking down the street-is. not
funny till he steps on a b.annana :
pee-l, then his‘.actions are humorous
if the observer feels that it was
unexpected.and involuntary, If the
same performance was premeditated
and done intentionally, then It is
riot funny at all,, just silly.
This all-raises the question, what
is the essential difference between
a funny sex story that is clean,
read'a story in a ‘hi-brow'• mag
Szino and we read exactly the same
story in the-Police Gazette. The
concept involved is exactly the
same. It is a contemplation%of *
sex or it .is nothing but gibberish,
just nothing. The only -no tic able,
difference is the‘terms used in
naming objects aid actions. ..If.,*
you Publish one form people,call; it
clean, hilarious funny. If you;;;
Publish the’ other in its'simplest,
most direct form you will land in
Jail. But the subjectis the same.
Just as soon as we have saved.- up
the money the G.G, is going’ to
offer a prize of .;j>10,000 for the
best article of not more than
70,000 words explaining the differ
ence between 'a clean risque story
and a dirty, smutty one when the
subject-matter is exactly the same.
But the writer is restricted .to.
words of not * over tw® syllables ,•
‘and prefforably monosylabillic
words, we understand them. An .
iirticle consisting of hi-sounding
synonyms will be disqualifl ed.
When out* grandparents swung around
\n the tree'tops in completely un
inhibited behavior ana dress,there
were not, ana could not be, any
risque storie*s.
The Gazette does not accept *mone; )
for subscriptions, but-only noney
to cover:postage, »