Y/o recently came aeross a book' *n "Superlatives" and we find that
Alaska has several of; the mo afreet a and the^Leastosts.
Mt# McKinley is the highest in the Northern Hemisphere,20,000 ft*
Muir1 .Gllablhri is .jtjie'l argent
Greatest ViverVbdre
Anchorage, Alaska.
The slowest growing trees, are ih Alaska;’’"The"’extreme is represented
by the Sitka Spruce (Picia Siwashem;‘an example of which,growing
underfconditions of extreme .ricor. took .98 voarn to urnw «ieven
. , of extreme.rigor, ttook 98.years to grow ele
inches* tall with a diameterr.pfT less than, One• inch «**'■'*-''
The tallest animal on-this continentiis the* Alaska'Bull'Moose; • ••• ,
Seven feet- tallr .at- .shoulders,; 1600: lbs* Anglers 6| fti' spread* if
Largest man eating animal in the World is thev Kodiak Bearr ■ »
Alaska has the highest per*capita rate of ^'Mentally ill" Last censes
shows we can.boast of ab^ont twelve',to the dozen of population*
And then there is rthe,-Alaska Cabbage and the Alaska Legislature* <
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An old man went .to. hie doctor for a blood test, explaining that he x .
was about to ge;t. married•*+ * j • •’ ■
’•Realist, “admiringly asked the -doc t£h6w.lpld are*yeu?H • . j -
The old fellow replied, that he was 84. Asked how old the bride was,
he answered,*“She1e goitfg on, 22" , 1 ’ r
Very alarmed,fthe doctor cautioned, Don*t you realize that kind of*t
difference in ages could ber fatal #' ;i* . * ! ‘ . r
“Well,w! barked; the old man wi^Jti a shrug,* "if she dies* she dies.!’ J?
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The Old Cynic is the wealthiest man in' this town, that is with
three or four exceptions# He'has'■three or four more tumbled down >V ?
buildings than any ons-xelse .and he has a bank account that runs into*
three-figures andj. sometimeq/veyehjinto f.pur. He has' a stock of . 0
merchandise consisting of old.harness, ,quiesionabie foods and ancient
drugs# All of, his possessions arejnot worth as much as the ^meanest f.
most inconspicyous building op Fourth Ave.'Anchorage# But Big Susie
says he is a• rich man#. .-That is all a relative matter# Some people
do not'even have a* wind eW,.to i throw.it out#' ' ■
Sometimes some hop.efui soul. says ta. the Old Cynic; “Ytju have
been able to accumulate - same-money,.. I..Wish you would tell me how to
ga; about it#“^ Andi tha; 01dt Cynic tells them h#,w he warked, saved,
lived on beans and/nevei;*.,spent,much on luxuries# And they say:VHell,
I wouldn*t * work and .economize like that for all the money-in Monte
Carle." And the Old Cynic-agrees.that that makes sense# And then he
says,“Oh, I see , you-Just want to know some sure, easy way to get
rich# Well *then I can tell you that, it*s surprisingly easy# The
surest way and easiest •••is to, buy some Ice Pool (pronounced I-spo#.l)
tickets# Most'people: who buy Ice Pool tickets win a fortune.'Don*t
let thie fact»that you know vsome people who did, not win deter you,i*
they are the' exception#. , - , ’! . j ,
r f ! r • ■ • Another way to ,get rich is to “put over a
big deal" in'some-*of Alaska*s “vast resources"• It may not be easy to
sell Brooklyn Bridge or *the Alaska-Railroad to suckers but most'.*any
one should be .able'to•sell MtMckinley ;or. the ice in Columbia*Glacier,
or the exclusive mining >rights to Alaska* s, sand and gravel# I
-Another sure fire way would be..to marry some squaw who'is
squatting on land saturated witth oil and when the wells ceme in there
is a if or tune flowing right into your cup., • 1 :-t - - ♦ ,r
- Another way w out Id be to go, into Alaska farming. - Anyone who
does.not kn07/ the wonderfujb possibilities tf agriculture or-stock
raising in Alaska does, not under stands how Alaska potato roots, and.*
and cow's Adders can) stretch allmthe way to thek treasury in* t('
Washington,' D#C/\. '
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The ‘staff of the up‘coming mental health institution that is
to be b;uilt . for us Alaskans:.-by a 'benovelent Uncle will direct ,their
first inquiries into the two most prevalent forms here In the.
Territory,, demenvia praecpx and 'Statehood, The two are similar in
that th&y are both based on delusions of-grandure. . *.^
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| It has been Isaid that the letter "EH is the most unfortunate
character in the English alphabet, because it is.always out of.cash,
forever/ in debt, .never out of danger, in trouble all the time and has
never been in Maryland-or,Virginia« But:remember that; "E" is., , *
never in war and' always in peace# i Y/ithout it there would be no meat,
no life and no heaven, It is the center of honesty, makes love perfect,
and without it there would be no rope and, as far as we are concerned,
no editors and no GAZETTE.