FATHER COMES
HOME
Copyrighted, 1945, by, and
prepared by the staff of the
Child Study Ass’n of America
Distributed by (A5) Newsfeatures
FOURTH OF A SERIES
Getting Acquainted Again
The months or years of separa
tion probably have made changes
in you as well as in your husband.
You have had to make many deci
sions for yourself, since you could
not talk everything over by mail.
You had to work out such prob
lems as whether you should go
back to your old job; how you
could arrange for Jimmy at school
and for Susie at the Day Care
Center; whether you should move
in with your parents after all.
Working out these htings alone!
may have given you new confi
dence.
Or perhaps it has all been a
little too much for you to handle. |
You may have grown more timid,
and begun to depend on your par
ents again, as you.used to do when
you were a child.
Each of you may have found
new friends and developed differ
ent ideas of your own. Your point
of view about yourself and the
children and what you want out
of life may have changed more
than you realize. It will be excit
ing to discover how your ideas
and those of your husband fit to
i gether. Of course they won’t al
ways agree, but in comparing
them, you may both come to a
newer and more intimate under
standing.
The changes in you both may
loom large at first, but underneath
you are both the same people who
have known and loved each other.
Gradually the strangeness brought
out by your widely different ex
periences will wear off, as you
learn to know each other again.
It is your husband who has
done the big job, of course. It is
up to you to make most of the
compromises in the first few days.
That is part of your job.
Don’t rush him. Give him time
to settle down.
If he wants to talk about what
he has seen and felt and done,
listen with both ears. If he seems
reluctant to talk, as many men
are, don’t press him. If he has
been under the terrific strains of
actual combat, just the thought of
it may be upsetting and painful
for a long time. He may want to
forget as much as he can and be
glad to push his memories out of
his mind for a time.
You may be surprised at the
things he will talk about—little
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unimportant episodes — about the
men he has been with, the food
he ate, the trip home. Only a little
at a time will he be able to share
with you some part taf what he
has been through.
Some of it he will probably
never share. If you understand
what this means to him, you will
respect his feelings, and not think
that he is purposely shutting you
out.
He will want to know about you
and the children, but not all at
once. And the things that have
seemed so important to you may
not strike him the same way. At
i first he may not be too interested
in Johnny’s fight with the boy
next door, or the way Susan tears
her books and puts crayon marks'
on the wallpaper. It may take1
some time before he can get as ex-1
cited as you about your hard |
times with the butcher’s or the
trouble you had getting white1
shirts for Johnny.
If you stop to think about it, i
you may realize why things like
this don’t interest him right now.
The main thing is to be quick |
to see how he feels about things.
Be natural and use your own good
judgment and you will find that
the gap between you will close,
over.
The children aren’t the same,
either. Perhaps the baby was born
after your husband went away.
So there is a whole new person
he hasn’t known. And what a per
son she is: Already she can tell I
you in no unmistakable terms, ]
what she wants when she wants it.11
Or your Susan may have been <
only a few months old when he <
left. She probably Spent most of ,
her time then peacefully lying in
her crib playing with her fingers.
Now she is always under foot and
into everything.
Or perhaps it is Junior who has
changed the most. He is so serious
now that he goes to school, and
so independent in looking after
himself. And he is apt to get
“fresh” and resentful if anyone
bosses him around. He isn’t the
sweet little boy anymore, although
he still has that angelic look at
times. He feels himself the “man
of the house” now.
All these things may make the
first few days a little awkward,
but they will smooth out more
quickly if you understand them
and are sympathetic to the chil
dren.
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