First, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I think an embedded point which is worth clarifying, should anyone be reading our posts looking for advice for their own situation or else just how to interpret the world, is that I don't blame "women" for what happened. I blame that one girl and myself. Evil exists independently of gender, just as stupid decisions can be made by anyone.  I should never have put myself in that situation in the first place — letting someone have a chance to control my universe in that way. For sure by now I've stopped blaming myself, as eight years has been just barely enough to adjust, but I need to take responsibility for my actions regardless. Any students out there reading this, please for your own good stay the fuck away from these situations.