711 E HOUSEKEEPER. ( From As Museum) Home has well remarked that every thing belonging to a vain man is the best th ,t is my vs here to be pound ; his 1 es, equipage, Inmiture, &c excel all others. — Ins wine is the best that can possibly be drank ;—lsis horses, dogs, and servants are matchless. Does he . change his situation vottintartly ? The change is always for the better. Is he apienuted to fill any office? Thai ollice is the most min porialit and eligible that can be held. Every thing goes well with him. In short, your sails loan is your true optimist; he is in isle best of all pus. Ode states, in this best of all possible woilds. When any change in the situation of a man of tltis kind occurs, so as to throw bins into a new li.tilt, and make fancy himself invested with a new character, his increase of sell-consequence is Istymid measure lu dicrous. He is like a boy just breeched, a young girl ass a new gown, a young lawyer in a new evi,t, a maapir will) Isis red boots, a recently cleated knight of the Go elphic order, or any thing else that you CiP.I Conceive superlative!) ridiculous ;—he is all pucker, fume. and fudge ;—he wraps himself up in mysterious majesty, and dignity Meltable and unintelligible. My worthy diem', Mutt Blaise, was exactly a man of this character. Every one who knew Alm% could tell the exact state of his circumstances by his looks and Planners. His face was a barometer by which you .nigh. always measure the temperature of his pocket. As the latter was high or low, so was die former. His coma tenance rose or fell as his pulse waxed light or heasy, though to do him justice, as long as lie had a farittaig, his assurance never tell below Zero. Ail change for the better, in circumstances, always threw him up an astonishitig it kkk her of pegs.— A pair of new boots made him look three niches taller, thnuels the heel was:as flat as a pancake. At one time, wheal linen was rattier a desideratum , in his wardrobe, clean shirt was often with him the proximate cause of no small inflation. His mann( rs because es starched and star as his collar, but gradually relaxed as the collar grew more limber. To bee hint take a hackney coach was a high scene. he imperious summons to toe coachman, the punctilious and authoritative directimi, . the stuck dignity with which he entered the coach, the •popping of his head out a the window, and stopping the driers under some frivolous pretext, and fioasty his pompous altercation totieliiiig the fare—all this was capital. Even iii his lowest eireuitiEtances Muu pte served nosinall degree of consequence ; but tills con cpience he has occasionally encounteted souse severe and rude shocks. The state of his exchequer osier ren dered ii expedient that lie should occupy the most classic apartment of a domicile in a tel :red 511114114,11. lie made a further redtic , ion in his expemitture, by abolish ing the office of washerwoman its his (almost a sinecure), and performing the duties of ilia post himself. Oise day while he was ditis engaged on a shirt, the delicate stale of which reitilerel its abiestion .nearly as difficult a performance as the unrollitit est an Herculaneati mantvcripi, he cast his eye, mot ards, and beheld, directly over his head, his young mistress sur veying attentively, through the sky-light, the whole of this ingenious operation. It is easier to conceive than to describe his confusion. The soap dropped hunt his benninbed hand, and, as lie afterwards comessed to a confidential friend, he pound himself utterly incapable of wrinuing out time chemise I Brighter days, however, awaited Alum. lie was a goodlooking fellow, ami his manners amongst women were rather prepossessing. A widow fell its love with him. She was, to be sure old enough to be his mother, tall as a poplar, siittas a ram-rod, and Olio as a pump handle. The young anatomist would base found in her -considerable facilities for the prosecution of his study.— Without removing the .curia, he might. by the inspec- Atoll of such a subject, have acquainted himself evtili almost the entire of osteology. Add to this, that site Wilb all old coquette, and as lull or af t , ciation, pomp, and as M oo hin is el. Bin then she hail 3001. a year, and tills to Huss was the wealth of C.cems. :Mon now shot up most prodigiously. Though in corporal measurement he was but five feet foe inches and a hall,' in soul lie was thirty feet high.' I (Multi much whether, for six weeks atter his marriage, he would have given the w.:;1 to the stoutest of the Grena dier Guards. Nothing was to be heard from him now, hut ' My wife, Mrs. B." our estate,' bank debentures,' ' stock,' life annuity ? ' Bv. In short, his sell:import ance became en excessive, that we all thought it could admit of no further increase. The eveut, however, proved that we were mistaken. _ . In the course of his rambles one clay his evil genius dincied his steps to a certain meet in Westminster.— Mere W a house to he let furnished.' Ile imme diately pops in, and engiiir,s the rent, which was '2601. per annum. He galloped over the whole house, from cellar to cockloli, and illllll cuckloft down altain to the -cellar. He poked his rose into every hide and comer. gave a learned dissertation on fixtures and aspecis, talked of his own immense landed property, his wife's tremen dous tontine in the funds, the east antiquity Of his family, his town ultimate connection wi , h men of the highest rank, and concluded with a peroration on gas, aqueducts, and dumb waiters. Ile left the landlady with the impression that he %rasa mons•rous clever man, as rich as Rothschild, and if not a Lord, at the very least • Baronet. As Mon walked home he occupied himself with re flecting profoundly on the tart increase of consequence that would accrue to him, frum being a housekeeper.- 1 he resu:t of Ins to,ditations teas, that a houseeper he ss as deterniiiied to be by book or by crook. When NI un t! !urn, il home, he ceuuuuoic•atrd his project to Nlailant 11!..ise-4ilarged on the importJuee conferred oy the c haracier of a housekeeper. ' The rent, toy love, said ' is 2.801.; We eau let the lodgings, our being house kee ;Ars will give Its unliunted credit, and we may un ques6utrahly manage matters so as to increase our in (mtir, and to ke au acidulent to vur pocket-muse , .' To 1:1s 110111 :14 could Le opposed; Ahddus se- J.. 0. THE NATIONAL REGISTER quieter(' of course; and the house street was iininethately take.). Behold NI tin now at the very summit of his ambition. —lie was at List a housekeeper, and a housekeeper with him was an epitome ol all human dignity. His wife was not less inflated than himself by this new hotiour, and they both displayed in their ordinary deportment the very essence of torkey-cockism. Poor Mutt I shall never lorget the nisi visit 1 paid hint after his instalment —I gave my name to the servant, who went up stairs, and having delayed for five minutes came down and showed me iLto a parlour, stating that .\lr. Blaise was Jost diets busily employed in his study, bin would be happy to receive me in a few minutes. After a while she came in agaiii, and apiiogised 'or having shown toe into a room without a fire, and requested tile to walk Into the opposite parlour. I complied, smiling within myself:it this ingenious piece of ostentation. Soot' after she came and ushered me up to Mr Blaise's study.— Titete 1 iouuJ Alm' in a red night-cap, a large account hook open before him, his left hand under his jaw, and in an attitude of the most intense theatrical abstraction 'My dear friend,' said he, starting tip. ' I beg ten mil lion pardons ; lint this business of honsekeepitig dues so ebsurb the mind. It is indeed a great More; but there are relative duties in every situation in Me, which must be discharged sv ith exactness. 1 find it necessary to hi spect my sections daily, and balance my books myself. —Tins is incumbent on every housekeeper. I find tiny duties becoming extremely burilenrime-1 have to attend a vet ry to day at one o'eluck, and shall be oblii!eil to-morr.isv to sit I/II a coroner's inquest very unpleasant —wish I could et riff—ntit can't, you know, as I am a housekeeper. Thus he ran on, pretend.ng to lament what was evidently 3 matter of the greatest triumph to his vainly. Mrs..Blatse now made her appearance, de clared that indisposition had confined her the whole morsiiiig to her &Adair, and asked us into the drawing room. 'Dirge 1 had to tnidergo a long lecture on the pleasures and pains, the duties and tesponsibilities ot housekeeping. Aluiescondoct, during most part of the time lie to- ' panted this house, was indescribably absurd. lie talked of nothing but his house in D-- street. Ills town house. The repairs necessary in his house, &c. If you asked him to dine at any particular hour, tie could not come, Or jtut then he hail an appointment at his own house. lie would quit a piny at ten o'clock, because housekeepers must set an example of keeping good hours; fur his part lie alwa)s kept his own noose quite regular. D:spining with a mange gentleman at a collee house, he cried out ' Uo you know, Sir, that I am a house keeper? rktid one nay lie dragged ine into •1 bOOI• shop and called the wan up ham his Jiuuer to enquire his terms it; dealing with housekeepers! llosvever, pleasure cannot last—Nluit's Elysitun was soon to va n ish. The reader may easily anticipate the sequel. The rent swallowed up his income, he gained tits lodgers, and the unioriunate housekeeper was con ducted to prison, fine the debts he had contracted In the lofty character lie had been vainly ..ttempting to sustain. Thus Aluii, l:ke Julius Caesar, paid the penalty of his ambition ; as tint one lost his 111.,, so the oilier lost his liberty. He might have lived halyily as a lodger. but aspoitt to he a mitt-eke: met, he became a pritoner— Aspiring to be Gods ii angels fell, Aspiring to be angel. men rebel.. Elisabeth Tomlinson, who was lately committed to our county gaol (Staturdahire), charged with the wilful murder of her husband, by 'mien'', died on Thursday evening last (2lst inst.) She was infected with jaundice, and confined to her bed when the unnatural clime was perpetrated. During her short ci linement, she was regularly ettended by the county Surgeon, but her complaiut was not to be subdued by medical skill. To the exhortations of the clergyman the wretched woman manifested great iadilterence, and observed, that she wanted neither doctors nor parsons ;" but to the last moments of her eaistence she asserted her innocence of the cr:nie with which the was charged. An inquest was held on l i her body yesterday, when the Coroner's Jury came to the una nimous conclusion that she " died by the visitation of Cod." She was upwards of fifty years of aga—ber ill-used husband nearly seventy- AWFUL CATASTROPHE.—We have been favoured with the perusal of a leucr from a gentleman near K.eninare, which gives the following account of a most melancholy and awful circum stance in that noighbourhood:—.. I have now to give you ao account of a t melancholy event that took piece here to day :—I was going up to &teem fair, (county Kerry, Inland,) about two o'clock, and just near the turn up to the Glebe met Dr. Sullivan. lie passed me liy, and as there was a heavy shower coining on, 1 ran on and got into a house at Dritniita. I had not been there more than two minutes w heti I saw one of the brightest flashes of lightning that I ever beheld, which was immediately followed by a most treinendnua clap of thunder ; and in a few minutes after smite on. passed by, saying. that a man bad been killed near the ll'iicat'• house. I ran down there and aim lite poor Dueler stretched on the road. At lust I did not knew hint, Lis face was so disligured—his skull over his forehead had been beaten iu, as if he had got a blow from a flat stick uu the head ; his face was swelled, and quite red ; his lips were turned black, and the blood seemed driveu through his eyes, nose, and mouth ; his whiskers and eye-brows were scorched, and he had several marks on his body, and particu larly on the inside of the lert thigh. His bat, breeches, stock ings, and shots were tom to atoms, and scattered on the road— in short, such a spectacle was never been. There were three or four persons with him at the time, hut they escaped Unhurt. Mr. Brom and John were twenty yards behind him, but they were so dazzled by the Mash that they did not see him w hen knocked dow n. lhc body is in such a state that it will not probably keep for 24 hours. It created such a panic at the fair that there was not an appearance of it in half au hour." DREADFUL ACCII/LsT IS A NOBLE FAMILY.—A most distressing mid inside] event took place at Dunbar House, the risideuce of the Earl of Lauderdale, on Wednesday evening (20th inst.) Some time lifter the son of Mr. lialfeur, of liitting!tain, who is married to one of the daughters of the Noble Earl, had been put to bed, the bed-clothes, by suwe unaccountable accident, took lire ; and before it was disco vered, the pour boy, a line infant four years of age, was so dreedfully burnt, that he expired in about two hours. The ■sloppy parents Weil, at hand ; their state of anguish and dis tress is not to lie described. It is a singular consintleuce th.d a very short time ago, a false and must distressing report found its was ii.to mimosi all the 1/011(1011 Papers, of the Cuuu tens of Lavdeid.d e LA/ mg been but at to di ail'. --..- _ -....mIMMIMINI , The keelmen still refuse to return to their usual employ ment but the e ff orts of the coal-owners to c on d uct their hu.siutss without their assistance, have this week attained an efficiency, which must convince these misguided men of the utter hope lesnesss of the struggle in which they are engaged. By the aid of steam-boats, and through the increasing skilfulness of the men who have been engaged to navigate the keels, eon. siderslile nnuibere of them have each day this week been brought &mu from the smiths above bridge to the ships at Shields, and again conveyed hack, under the escort of the boats from the ships of war at Shields. On their passage they have occasionally been united with showers of stoues from the shore, and sonic of the keels which straggled behind the test have been boarded by parties from the allure, and brought to an anchor. On Wednesday and Thursday these showers of stories were answered by a discharge of lire-arms from the men of war's boat*, but without injury to any peraoa, as the shots were bred inure by way of intimidation than with intent to injure. The number of keels which were brought down on Thursday limo... Med to near 50, which is near the average number Iron' the colleries above bridge. I here is thus every appearance of these colleries being enabled to cou tinue their side, without the assistance of their refractory ser vants. As to the cutleries below bridge, they are fully able to meet the demand for their coals by means of their spouts, and here, in fact, shipped more than is usually dune by them in ordinary times. The trade of the Tyne may thus be said to he in full activity, without the intervention of the ordi uary keelinen. he present appearance of things has, it is said, made a deep impression upon these men, and it would not be surprising if we should shortly have to aneounce their return to work. A diabolical attempt was made on Thursday last to poison a Cattily, in the village of Doane, near Stirling, by mixing arsenic with the potatoes they bad fur breakfast. A precog nition has been gone into, but no distinct clue has yet been °fund to lead to a discovery of the wretch who has been guilty of so base a deed. The sufferers are, a woman of middle age, her daughter of IT, and a sou of eight years of age. From porno and judicious medical aid, the three persous are in a fair way of recovery,. Clii:Al. LODl:llkCs.—.lll a respectable, but not very fashions able street ot,Glasgow, lodgiugs are let so cheap, that, in one. a woman has c good room fur 41 per week. I asked Gd." said the landlady, but she stormed, and I let her have it for 4id.' It ' a scarcely necessary to obseive, that house-room is all that is gut for this sum. • The three iudividuals who were taken into custody in the Cortliner's Hall, iu the Potter Row, Edinburgh, charged with endeavouring to propagate doctrines subversive of religion. were detained in charge of the eheriff's Miners, with whom they resided until the close of Me prosecution, on Wednesday night, when they were admitted to buil. A hole impudent fellow, about thirty years of age, called at the house of Mr. Barnett, surveott, in Charters house-square, oti Saturday evening, and impaired if the foot buy was at 110111 e I being answered iu tile negative, lie recto:sled leave to write a note for him, which the lad allowed hitu to write in his presence. The ft.llow, in stiuthog the candle, put it out, and then debited the lad to fetch hint a light in order to seal the note, but hef ore lie could return to the ri,odi, lie met tile Ithow iu the passage, who said it was all right, as he irappened to have a wafer iii his pocket, gave the lad the note, and left the house i but aliortly alicrwards it was discovered that the thief took with lion a valuable silver snuff box, which happened to be out the in,litle-pluce. A most appalling catas.rophe happened in the neigh bourhood of the Holmes' Lights, m Bristol Channel, on Friday se'linight. Captain Gill, his wile, two sisters, and a sert.iiit lad, were coming over from IVarchet to Guild', in one of the pilot boats beiollgOlg to the latter place, and when about mid channel, the boat was uvrr takell by a Ett&thick) gust of wind, amid instantly upset, and the above pet-sous, together with the boatmen, were buried beneath tile waves. Mrs. Gill was in an advanced state of pregnancy, and was returning to Car diff to be confined. None of the bodies base yet been found, but part of the boat and sprit sail have been picked up. When the boat left Watchet, considerable apprehensions were etitertamed for the safety of the voyagers, winch have b.en thus fatally realized. The newly erected Tread-mill, for the employ. meat of prisoners in the County Gaol and Home at Correction at Reading, was, for the first time, pin ht motion on Friday se'imight. Tne prisoners performed the labour apparently well :ill .Nionday last„ at one o'clock, when tmrty.two mutinied and reiused to go on the wheels, statin4 that they JJJJJ at have extra provisions and leather-hottonied shoes, or they could IRA perfortil tile labour. They considered confinemein in cells was all the piiiiist.ineitt that awaited their vissob.:dience, but in that idea they were deceived ; the keeper and assistants were under tile necessity of baring recou►se to arms and bludgeons, JIM compelled every twin to go upon the wheel, and perform the allotted labour. -•- ELoecrakx - r.—Lieut. 11.. an officer upon half-pay, kali:Jog iu Queen-street, Goldembquiare, on Alooday looming hire,t a pust.chaise In Piccadilly, and lett it la 11a:4cm-street. In a few minutes afterwards he came, and handed a young lady of considerable fortune, re biding in that neighbourhood, 111.0 it. and told the post boy to chive as last as he could dowii the Kent-road. In halt an hour afterwards the fugitus cs were plowed hy the lady's brother, who was anted with pistols. He IfaCell them to the Bricklayers' Arms, when they quitted the chaise, anti Ito inrilier clue could be obtained. ()it Thursday afternoon about three o'clock. a coal waggon, in eu,iravaunug to pass the carriage 11,11, near Popiun'b cour,, Fleet-street, ran fold of the Sllllr, threw both tile C03C1101411 and footman from the hoz, and drove the coac't (xi the pavement, by witien tile window traiiii-s, said b‘reial panes of glass belong log to Ali . . Capes, were destroyed. Fortunately were 110 liclamlS 111 life carria6e. received col tlera tale injury. Oh S.,turday last, as J. Ekless, E-. of Burlesd bridge, was shooting wild fowl on tile river near to house, his gun unlortonately burst, carrying id two augers, and otherwise lacerating the Zell ham 1 1 10V1111.1111al!y both hands were behind the breech circumstance which cahoot he too strongly impressed those who are hr tile habit of bhootioa), or the • t have been ii.Alll4 Ucen Ittually blues n to FR:Lev. rh. t i e ;don- -10 his art ut (1 :31 out 'Jrlll 101. k. 182