Need advice on how to socialize at CRE events (both internal and external)
I work at one of the top CRE brokerage firms and there is a lot of internal and external social events to go to for both client prospecting and relationship building with colleagues. I enjoy meeting new ppl and aren’t afraid to go up to strangers and strike a conversation, but I have found that most ppl in CRE brokerages (at least my firm… I don’t want to generalize it) seem to live and breath sports and drinking. I like to drink and watch the NBA occasionally, but I don’t go crazy about them. Can I please get some advise from the veterans on how to navigate through social events in CRE? Thank you so much in advance!
[{"id": "hmrdo5o", "text": "Hello friend I have 2 book suggests that might help: \n\n\u201chow to win friends and influence people\u201d - dale carnegie \n \n\u201chow to talk to anyone\u201d -leil lowndes", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmremv6", "text": "Drink &amp; watch sports. Easiest ways to connect with strangers in the industry", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmresq3", "text": "It goes first wife, alcoholic, second wife, sober third wife. \n\nSo hang out with the people on their third wife. They are over all the socializing bs and are more likely very established in their careers. \n\nUnless you are a retail broker, you got to drink a lot.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmrf3gv", "text": "Do yourself a favor and don\u2019t get drunk at events - it\u2019s a really bad look from coworkers / investors / clients / potential future employers. I\u2019m an alcoholic with a bunch of years of sobriety now and cringe at stuff I said / did / whatever at these things when I was drinking - what I\u2019ve noticed in sobriety is that a lot of people aren\u2019t drinking heavily (even if you think they are) and you stick out like a sore thumb and will say regrettable stuff if your not on your A game. People also don\u2019t notice if you\u2019re drinking or not, and if they do notice 95% of the time they don\u2019t care, 5% give you shit but it\u2019s generally from people who are insecure about their own drinking. I\u2019ll usually tell people in that situation I\u2019m an alcoholic and stopped drinking years ago and that\u2019s kind of the end of that. \n\nNot trying to lecture at all just something I\u2019ve found since I stopped drinking - nothing is more annoying than a drunk broker / colleague / whatever. I still stay out till last call with people at events and have found that at least for me being at these things sober is like 1,000,000% better. \n\nAlso at these events people are pretty open to talking to you, everyone is there to meet new people. Just go up to strangers and introduce yourself, people go to these things to make connections not to party hard (well a lot of people anyways). Just make conversation like a normal person. I don\u2019t know shit about sports beyond like who the quarterback is for my cities team, when people talk sports I just smile and nod and wait for them to be done - it\u2019s not like that\u2019s all people talk about, they\u2019re there to talk business mostly (and ex-pro athlete brokers are really fucking annoying because that\u2019s all they talk about - dude I don\u2019t care that you sacked Tom Brady 15 years ago in your second of 2 season in the NFL you\u2019ve told that story 68x)\n\nGood luck, have fun, hope to meet you at something. I like it when people come up to me, it makes my life easier so I don\u2019t get stuck with the same crowd of people I already know.", "replies": [{"id": "hmsdmoa", "text": "&gt;and cringe at stuff I said / did / whatever at these things when I was drinking \n\nOMFG can I relate.", "replies": [{"id": "hmsh6yd", "text": "Yea well I\u2019m just happy I figured out my drinking in my early 30s and am incredibly grateful that I don\u2019t get triggered being around alcohol. It\u2019s nice that I can still let loose at conferences with my friends and hang til last call drinking NA beer or never ending seltzer crans. \n\nI thought I was cool when I was drunk at this stuff (spoiler warning - I wasn\u2019t) now I look back and am like who is that asshole. I don\u2019t want to sound insensitive about alcoholism but like if someone has a drinking problem and is at one of these things (1) I don\u2019t know that you\u2019re just drunk and annoying me with nonsense (2) I\u2019m not here to criticize or comment on your drinking unless you ask me for help - I don\u2019t know you and am not taking you to the friends of Bill meeting at ULI unless you ask me to bring you (which has happened and I\u2019m more than happy to help get someone on the path to recovery, but hasn\u2019t happened with a stranger I just met at a random bar at like CREFC yet). \n\nAnyways live and learn one day at a time.", "replies": [{"id": "hmt1562", "text": "100% spot on.", "replies": [], "depth": 4}], "depth": 3}], "depth": 2}], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmrm1rp", "text": "Order whiskey and water rocks. Drink half slowly. Let the ice melt and then get another one when it\u2019s time for another round. Or order something you hate so you sip it; just don\u2019t cringe while drinking it.\n\nOn the sports thing\u2026man I don\u2019t know. I\u2019ve never seen anyone get vehement about it at a networking event. Everyone should be there talking business for the most part, otherwise why the fuck be there. Look for the people talking deals or find a better networking group. In office, fuck em. CRE chews and spits brokers like a 1920\u2019s baseball team so learning fresh faces is kinda pointless. Become the guy who gets deals done and don\u2019t be an asshole - this will draw the people you need to network with to you.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmroc6k", "text": "Hi Friend, \n\nThank you for saying it. I have the same problem. For years, I've had to google what my local sports team has done in the current season and listen to radio hosts on draft picks. I don't get why more people aren't into the NBA here. It's time consuming to catch up on a hobby you have no interest in.\n\nI second what another poster said about the books and at events research who is going to be there that you may want to know. Ask questions about ppl, folks love talking about themselves. Especially after a drink or 2. If you keep them talking, it often strays from football into personal stuff. Then remember those things and pick up similar topics when you see them next. \n\nShare freebie bits of info about yourself, but usually asking questions guides the conversation. Laugh at their jokes and smile during the sports bits, few really know wbat they're talking about. \n\nAlternatively, go to more events with women in cre, no football there. We exist and have networking events. \n\nI don't have issues mingling or building rapport 1 on 1, but have often felt left out because in crowds it for sure turns to football and I can't drink. \n\nMy \"solution\" to this was moving to corporate real estate in house. Only a handful of social events to navigate.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmrygsu", "text": "Watch the quietly successful people in your office. Their relationships are deeper than the folks who peacock at these events.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hms8kqv", "text": "What do you do with your spare time? Family, hiking, pets?   \n\n\nI assure you- sports aren\u2019t the only thing potential clients are into. Here is they key though- when you find a common interest, don\u2019t talk about yourself. No one really cares. But having a common interest helps you stay enguaged in the conversation.   \n\n\nGood luck. Let me know if you want to practice sometime. Lol.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmsdk51", "text": "Do NOT drink any alcohol.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmsi7t8", "text": "A simple tool I like to use is to just ask people questions. People like to talk about themselves (not knocking on anyone, it\u2019s just how we are as humans.) it ingratiates you with that person because it shows that you\u2019re interested in them.  But MORE IMPORTANTLY it serves as an opportunity to learn something about them and creates openings to\nfind commonalities which is how relationships develop. Once you discover a commonality, you key into that and provide an anecdote about that commonality and then let the conversation evolve.\n\nIt doesn\u2019t matter if they live and breathe sports and you don\u2019t. Find the thing you both enjoy. OR use it as an opportunity to ask them questions about sports and maybe you\u2019ll learn something and they\u2019ll like you more because you seem interested in them and their interests. \n\nI\u2019m one of the few guys in CRE in my city that doesn\u2019t golf at all. I\u2019m always invited to golf with people, but instead I suggest we go out for a drink as almost all of them drink. Ask questions, find the commonalities, and riff off of those.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmsjns2", "text": "Online zoom networking for r/commercialrealestate?\n\nSay the word and I\u2019ll post a zoom link. I would host something in person in Dallas too", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmtdmvh", "text": "Have you ever thought that maybe this is an unhealthy environment and perhaps I should look for a better work culture?", "replies": [], "depth": 1}, {"id": "hmtn395", "text": "Suggestions:\n\n\\-Get some exercise immediately beforehand, or at least a long walk or bike ride before the event. It will clear your head and help with any light anxiety, plus who isn't more friendly with some natural endorphins\n\n\\- You are there to work and not play. If you drink alcohol have no more than one, then overtip the bartender to serve you similar looking beverages sans alcohol. I've had this done all evening, including water in beer bottles. Nobody really cares if you are drinking but frequenting the bar and blending in always helps.\n\n\\- Have a gameplan, including some people that you would like to meet and people that you know you want to connect with. Scratching out a few notes ahead of time will keep you on track, and doing some research on people that might attend never hurts\n\n\\- Arrive a bit late and leave early.", "replies": [], "depth": 1}]