it s been a while since i ve had depression episode and i think it ha come back but worse i m the first daughter of immigrant parent therefore i have to be perfect and be an example for my little sister i m falling a class in college and can t seem to get my grade up i can t focus i can t concentrate i stay up until am doing homework and studying but even though i try my best i feel like i m not progressing i don t want my parent to think i m a failure i want to make them proud but i can t find the inspiration to keep going i feel like sh t anxiety haunt me everyday and i just want this to stop i want to talk about how i feel with my mom but i don t want her to have a bad image of me in her head she know i have depression and anxiety since i wa diagnosed but i told her month ago that i wa okay i m not now i know that if i tell her that i feel depressed again she s just going to tell me to keep going my mom is not a bad mom i love her she ha done everything for me but she doesn t show u affection it might been the way she wa raised but i need to her her say that she s here for me or that she love me i can t remember when wa the last time she hugged me or said i love you i don t feel appreciated in this house when i try to be friendly or make a conversation with her it always end up with her being mad i ve gone several time to her room just to hang out with her but it seems that bother her when i try and hug her she tell me to stop i know she ll be very disappointed in me if she discovers i m not doing well in my class she ha criticized me because of what show i watch if i m enjoying a video game too much she ll tell me that s all you know how to do why don t you do something else instead of playing your little game she hate the music i enjoy listening all i want is to have a mom daughter moment but it doesn t happen i ve talked to her about this several time she cried once saying it wa hard for her too and i understand hard i know it s hard having a touched starved mentally unstable daughter that s why i don t want to bother her with my problem when i happen to have a problem with a member of my family aunt uncle or cousin she ll always be on their side it s like she want to please them i don t feel heard im 9 and on my th and 9th birthday i cried i wanted to spend my 9th birthday doing something i wanted and my parent said yes that wa until my step dad changed his mind and choose to visit his sister on my birthday hour away hour city i wa mad i feel like i had the right to my mom told me that i didn t have to come with them that i could stay in the house until they arrived sunday night my birthday wa on sunday i choose to go because i didn t want to spend the day without my family i didn t got to do anything i wanted i wa pretty bummed my mom and stepdad noticed this and yelled at me saying i didn t had to be here that i could ve stayed in the house my mom did bought me a cake and ate it when i arrived home and i wa grateful for that my aunt and uncle noticed how my mom and stepdad acted on the day of my birthday and felt bad for me they told me i should ve stayed with them and they would ve took me to the mall funny how my mom go all the way out for his birthday or my sister birthday i feel like i m a failure to them i m not the perfect daughter they wish they had it s like they just gave up on me at least is how i see it every time i talk to my mom she look at me with an annoyed face when i told her that i m kind of struggling with college she shrugged and told me that it s my fully because i choose this career it s true but i wa looking for some encouraging or caring word i feel what i need is a break im sorry for over sharing but i can t tell this to my friend or sister i don t want to bother or worry them
it s been a while since i ve had depression episodeand i think it ha come back but worse i m the first daughter of immigrant parent therefore i have to be perfect and be an example for my little sister i m falling a class in college and can t seem to get my grade up i can t focus i can t concentrate i stay up until am doing homework and studying but even though i try my best i feel like i m not progressing i don t want my parent to think i m a failure i want to make them proudbut i can t find the inspiration to keep going i feel like sh t anxiety haunt me everydayand i just want this to stop i want to talk about how i feel with my mombut i don t want her to have a bad image of me in her head she knowi have depression and anxiety since i wa diagnosedbut i told her month ago that i waokayi m not nowi know that if i tell her that i feel depressed again she s just going to tell me to keep going my mom is not a bad mom i love hershe ha done everything for mebut she doesn t show u affection it might been the way she wa raisedbut i need to her her say that she s here for me or that she love me i can t remember when wa the last time she hugged me or said i love you i don t feel appreciated in this house when i try to be friendly or make a conversation with her it always end up with her being mad i ve gone several time to her room just to hang out with herbut it seems that bother her when i try and hug hershe tell me to stop i know she ll be very disappointed in me if she discovers i m not doing well in my class she ha criticized me because of what show i watch if i m enjoying a video game too much she ll tell me that s all you know how to do why don t you do something else instead of playing your little game she hate the music i enjoy listening all i want is to have a mom daughter momentbut it doesn t happen i ve talked to her about this several time she cried once saying it wa hard for her tooand i understand hardi know it s hard having a touched starved mentally unstable daughter that s why i don t want to bother her with my problem when i happen to have a problem with a member of my family aunt uncle or cousin she ll always be on their side it s like she want to please them i don t feel heard im 9 and on my th and 9th birthday i cried i wanted to spend my 9th birthday doing something i wanted and my parent said yes that wa until my step dad changed his mind and choose to visit his sister on my birthday hour awayhour cityi wa mad i feel like i had the right to my mom told me that i didn t have to come with them that i could stay in the house until they arrived sunday night my birthday wa on sunday i choose to go because i didn t want to spend the day without my family i didn t got to do anything i wanted i wa pretty bummed my mom and stepdad noticed this and yelled at me saying i didn t had to be here that i could ve stayed in the house my mom did bought me a cake and ate it when i arrived home and i wa grateful for that my aunt and uncle noticed how my mom and stepdad acted on the day of my birthday and felt bad for me they told me i should ve stayed with them and they would ve took me to the mall funny how my mom go all the way out for his birthday or my sister birthday i feel like i m a failure to them i m not the perfect daughter they wish they had it s like they just gave up on me at least is how i see it every time i talk to my mom she look at me with an annoyed face when i told her that i m kind of struggling with college she shrugged and told me that it s my fully because i choose this career it s true but i wa looking for some encouraging or caring word i feel what i need is a break im sorry for over sharingbut i can t tell this to my friend or sister i don t want to bother or worry them
Ha pasado un tiempo desde que he tenido episodio de depresión y creo que ha vuelto pero peor yo soy la primera hija de padres inmigrantes por lo tanto tengo que ser perfecto y ser un ejemplo para mi hermanita yo estoy cayendo una clase en la universidad y no puedo parecer para conseguir mi grado arriba no puedo concentrarme no puedo concentrarme me quedo hasta que estoy haciendo deberes y estudiando, pero aunque intento mi mejor me siento como no estoy progresando no quiero que mi padre piense que soy un fracaso quiero hacerlos orgulloso pero no puedo encontrar la inspiración para seguir adelante me siento como sh t ansiedad me atormenta todos los días y sólo quiero que esto pare quiero hablar sobre cómo me siento con mi mamá pero no quiero que ella tenga una mala imagen de mí en su cabeza ella sabe que tengo depresión y ansiedad ya que me lo diagnostiqué pero le dije hace un mes que yo waokayi no sé que si le digo que me siento deprimida otra vez ella me va a decir que mi mamá no es una mala mamá que me ha hecho todo por mí pero ella no sé que podría mostrar que el amor era el modo en el que me crié pero necesito que ella me diga que ella me va a tener un momento en el que ella o que ella me ha hecho