i ve been in a bad spot for a long time i ve dealt with a lot of grief a lot of handling shit on my own and trying to keep up appearance but thing took a turn for the worse when i had a traumatic event a few month ago that sent me over the edge i developed post traumatic stress disorder from it all and coping since ha been excruciatingly difficult i threw myself into work for about a month and a half i quickly burned out the trigger became an everyday occurrence i wanted help i needed help but i wa afraid every hand extended towards me would only reach to choke me those around me could drown me in an ocean of love and i d never feel wet my clothes may be wet but my skin my heart would feel dry a a desert i feel so closed off yet i crave closeness i can t even remember the last few month but from what i can i ve been destructive i ve been in so much emotional pain that i ve unintentionally caused emotional pain nothing is ever good enough for me it s not a conscious thing you see it s me i ve never felt good enough for anyone nor at anything i did these feeling of failure disappointment overwhelm me most day i m 0 without much to show for it this fight to see another day is wearing me out i keep getting knocked down and i know more is to come from life i just don t see an end to this emotional torture within my mind
i ve been in a bad spot for a long time i ve dealt with a lot of grief a lot of handling shit on my own and trying to keep up appearance but thing took a turn for the worse when i had a traumatic event a few month ago that sent me over the edge i developed post traumatic stress disorder from it all and coping since ha been excruciatingly difficult i threw myself into work for about a month and a half i quickly burned out the trigger became an everyday occurrence i wanted help i needed helpbut i wa afraid every hand extended towards me would only reach to choke me those around me could drown me in an ocean of loveand i d never feel wet my clothes may be wet but my skin my heart would feel dry a a desert i feel so closed offyet i crave closeness i can t even remember the last few month but from what i can i ve been destructive i ve been in so much emotional pain that i ve unintentionally caused emotional pain nothing is ever good enough for me it s not a conscious thing you see it s me i ve never felt good enough for anyone nor at anything i did these feeling of failure disappointment overwhelm me most day i m 0 without much to show for it this fight to see another day is wearing me out i keep getting knocked down and i know more is to come from life i just don t see an end to this emotional torture within my mind
He estado en un mal lugar durante mucho tiempo he lidiado con un montón de dolor mucho manejo de mierda por mi cuenta y tratando de mantener la apariencia pero la cosa tomó un giro para el peor cuando tuve un evento traumático hace unos meses que me envió sobre el borde que desarrollé trastorno de estrés postraumático de todo esto y sobrellevar desde que ha sido extremadamente difícil me tiré a mí mismo en el trabajo durante alrededor de un mes y medio rápidamente quemé el gatillo se convirtió en un evento cotidiano que quería ayuda necesitaba ayuda pero me temo que cada mano extendida hacia mí sólo llegaría a ahogarme aquellos a mi alrededor me podría ahogar en un océano de amor y nunca me siento mojado mi ropa puede estar mojado pero mi piel mi corazón se sentiría seco un desierto me siento tan cerrada offit you toge closeness no puedo ni siquiera recordar el último mes pero de lo que puedo haber sido destructivo he estado en tanto dolor emocional he estado en mucho dolor emocional que he causado involuntariamente dolor emocional nada es suficiente bueno para mí no es una cosa consciente que me he visto nunca he sentido lo suficientemente bueno para nadie ni en cualquier cosa que he estado en esta sensación de fracaso mhel