i know not many people will see this or probably care but i have no one or at least no one who ll genuinely listen a year or two ago i wasn t the best person selfish and careless i wa an alcoholic and a drug addict to deal with everything which i know now wa a horrible coping mechanism but it wa all my year old brain knew how to do a addiction ran in my family i wa hypersexual with no fundamental understanding of consent because all i knew wa assault i would get drunk and say horrible thing and my action reflected that i know trauma isn t an excuse for everything i did to people i used to call my friend but i swear i never meant to hurt anyone i wa horrible and when i realized how much hurt i had caused i never let myself live it down i couldn t look at myself the same i would cry for hour because i wa a monster that brought trauma to others life i honestly didn t know how to be healthy and i didn t know how to make real friend without making it sexual because that s all i thought people wanted from me i know these are a bunch of bullshit excuse but i don t know what to do i never wanted to be this person i left the school that wa once my haven because of the rumor i can t tell who i am anymore am i the monster they think i am i barely remember anything and i wa always drinking so it s all a blur amp x 00b i m a girl i m and this is where it started i m not going to give my life story just the bit that matter i wa accused of assault almost a year ago now with many other claim that had to do with my toxicity the original person who accused me and i had dealt with it privately and she had recognized that i wa extremely drunk when it happened and the lack of communication on both end honestly i have taken accountability for the fact that i shouldn t have drank underage and made her uncomfortable i remember bit and piece of that night some of it i can t even put together in my head but i realized that my behavior wa unacceptable and it wasn t okay not okay in the slightest but it got out to my whole school rumor began and people i had past romantic and sexual relationship with accused me of either assaulting them or being toxic i left the school and sought a lot of therapy but the rumor have entered my life in a more public setting i don t blame anyone i wa honestly a piece of shit but i know everything wa consensual but now i m not even sure of anything i think i m a monster i don t know what s real and what isn t i wa manipulative and a downright horrible person but i ve done everything i can to change and apologize but i can t seem to do it right i want to take accountability and be better but also want my name out there on the internet associated with these thing my parent don t deserve this i want to be able to be normal again but then i realize my life ha been normal i ve always through trauma my life is basically one big thing of trauma whether i realize it or not i m so sorry i really hate myself for hurting the people i did i don t want pity and i know nothing i can do can fix my reputation i don t even think i deserve it i really think i should just kill myself i think that d give the people i hurt peace of mind i don t think i deserve to live this life i m really sorry i know you ll judge me too but i promise i m really trying to be better and to help people i m not sure which perception is real theirs or mine i m broken down and i wan na be a kid again with my favorite stuffed animal maybe just take a nap and then i ll wake up and be okay
i know not many people will see this or probably carebut i have no one or at least no one who ll genuinely listen a year or two ago i wasn t the best person selfish and carelessi wa an alcoholic and a drug addict to deal with everything which i know now wa a horrible coping mechanismbut it wa all my year old brain knew how to do a addiction ran in my familyi wa hypersexual with no fundamental understanding of consent because all i knew wa assault i would get drunk and say horrible thing and my action reflected that i know trauma isn t an excuse for everything i did to people i used to call my friendbut i swear i never meant to hurt anyone i wa horribleand when i realized how much hurt i had caused i never let myself live it down i couldn t look at myself the same i would cry for hour because i wa a monster that brought trauma to others lifei honestly didnt know how to be healthy andididn t know how to make real friend without making it sexual because that s all i thought people wanted from me i know these are a bunch of bullshit excuse but i don t know what to do i never wanted to be this person i left the school that wa once my haven because of the rumor i can t tell who i am anymore am i the monster they think i am i barely remember anythingand i wa always drinking so it s all a blur amp x 00b i m a girl i mand this is where it started i m not going to give my life story just the bit that matter i wa accused of assault almost a year ago now with many other claim that had to do with my toxicity the original person who accused me and i had dealt with it privatelyand she had recognized that i wa extremely drunk when it happened and the lack of communication on both end honestly i have taken accountability for the fact that i shouldn t have drank underage and made her uncomfortable i remember bit and piece of that night some of iti can t even put together in my headbut i realized that my behavior wa unacceptable and it wasn tokay not okay in the slightest but it got out to my whole school rumor began and people i had past romantic and sexual relationship with accused me of either assaulting them or being toxic i left the school and sought a lot of therapy but the rumor have entered my life in a more public setting i dont blame anyone i wa honestly a piece of shitbut i know everything wa consensualbut now i m not even sure of anything i think i m a monster i dont know what s real and what isn ti wa manipulative and a downright horrible personbut i ve done everything i can to change and apologizebut i can t seem to do itright i want to take accountability and be better but also want my name out there on the internet associated with these thing my parent don t deserve this i want to be able to be normal againbut then i realize my life ha been normal i ve always through trauma my life is basically one big thing of trauma whether i realize it or not i mso sorry i really hate myself for hurting the peoplei did i don t want pityand i know nothing i can do can fix my reputation i don t even think i deserve iti really think i should just kill myself i think that d give the people i hurt peace of mindi don t think i deserve to live this life i m reallysorry i know you ll judge me toobut i promise i m really trying to be better and to help people i m not sure which perception is real theirs or minei m broken downand i wan na be a kid again with my favorite stuffed animal maybe just take a napand then i ll wake up and be okay
Sé que no mucha gente va a ver esto o probablemente cuidado pero no tengo a nadie o al menos nadie que realmente escuchará hace un año o dos no era la mejor persona egoísta y descuidado wa un alcohólico y un drogadicto para lidiar con todo lo que sé ahora es un horrible mecanismo de afrontamiento pero todo mi viejo cerebro de año sabía cómo hacer una adicción corrió en mi familia wa hipersexual sin comprensión fundamental de consentimiento porque todo lo que sabía wa asalto me emborracharía y decir cosa horrible y mi acción reflejó que sé trauma no es una excusa para todo lo que hice a la gente que solía llamar a mi amigo pero juro que nunca quise herir a nadie wa horrible y cuando me di cuenta de lo mucho daño que había causado nunca me dejé vivir abajo no podía mirarme a mí mismo lo mismo lloraría por hora porque yo era un monstruo que trajo trauma a otros vida honestamente no sabía cómo ser saludable eididn t saber cómo hacer amigo real sin hacerlo sexual porque todo lo que pensaba la gente quería de mí sé que son un montón de excusa de mierda