due to a bunch of reason i wa never close to my mother side of the family there were some cousin and great uncle i saw a lot briefly a a kid one recently chatted with mother through facebook and mentioned how he loved coming to our house back in those day he actually got married a few year ago but i didn t went i feel like depression social anxiety and being a closeted trans person denied me all the relationship normal people have it doesn t help that my mother had her reason to not make an effort to be close to some of those relative but i keep thinking that they became stranger to me even my great grandfather who i must have seen him once before he passed after my mother distanced ourselves from the rest of the family i keep thinking that all of it could be different i didn t had to be so lonely and even if some of them are terrible people i could still be close to the good one like the cousin who chatted with my mother if so weren t like this another cousin is getting married next month my great uncle came to our house to bring the invitation and want me to come a well i keep thinking what the hell am i even going to say to all these people i haven t seen since i wa a kid it wa normal to be a shy child and not to speak to them but now at they will think i have development issue and what would i talk about with them after graduating college year ago i did nothing with my life i just wasted my youth by hiding at home i don t think most of them give a shit about me but i bet at least some would be curious what i have been up to oh i got to sleep at am and wake up at noon everyday after which i proceed to do nothing but waste away in front of a computer screen i m so depressed and i m so fixated on this fear of time passing that i literally do nothing but that what about you i guess i would do what my parent do and just lie and say i do freelance work my father already told me how embarrassed he is when people ask him what i m doing and that s the lie he us i have a cousin almost my age in the other side of the family which i also dread about the idea of meeting him again we were close during summer a child but i remember our last summer together when we were a i started to develop depression and it wa really awkward it wa like we became stranger and would barely speak i would feel so ashamed to see him now he is normal he ha friend he doe what he want he s independent he s talkative he s normal he s everything i am not i just want to be fucking normal i wish i could restart my life but this time without depression social anxiety and being trans i feel like i won t survive this year but i wish i could have lived a little before i go
due to a bunch of reason i wa never close to my mother side of the family there were some cousin and great uncle i saw a lot briefly a a kid one recently chatted with mother through facebook and mentioned how he loved coming to our house back in those day he actually got married a few year agobut i didn t went i feel like depression social anxiety and being a closeted trans person denied me all the relationship normal people have it doesn t help that my mother had her reason to not make an effort to be close to some of those relativebut i keep thinking that they became stranger to me even my great grandfather who i must have seen him once before he passed after my mother distanced ourselves from the rest of the family i keep thinking that all of it could be differenti didn t had to be so lonely and even if some of them are terrible people i could still be close to the good one like the cousin who chatted with my mother if so weren t like this another cousin is getting married next month my great uncle came to our house to bring the invitation and want me to comea well i keep thinking what the hell am i even going to say to all these people i haven t seen since i wa a kid it wa normal to be a shy child and not to speak to them but now at they will think i have development issue and what would i talk about with them after graduating college year agoi did nothing with my life i just wasted my youth by hiding at homei don t think most of them give a shit about mebut i bet at least some would be curious what i have been up tooh i got to sleep at am and wake up at noon everyday after which i proceed to do nothing but waste away in front of a computer screen i m so depressedand i m so fixated on this fear of time passing that i literally do nothing but that what about youi guess i would do what my parent do and just lie and say i do freelance work my father already told me how embarrassed he is when people ask him what i m doing and that s the lie he usi have a cousin almost my age in the other side of the family which i also dread about the idea of meeting him again we were close during summer a childbut i remember our last summer together when we were a i started to develop depression and it wa really awkward itwa like we became stranger and would barely speak i would feel so ashamed to see him now he is normal he ha friend he doe what he want he s independenthe s talkative he s normal he s everything i am not i just want to be fucking normal i wish i could restart my life but this time without depression social anxiety and being trans i feel like i won t survive this yearbut i wish i could have lived a little before i go
Por un montón de razones nunca estuve cerca de mi lado materno de la familia había algún primo y tío abuelo vi mucho brevemente a un niño que recientemente chateó con madre a través de facebook y mencionó cómo le encantaba venir a nuestra casa en ese día él realmente se casó hace unos años pero no fui me sentí como depresión ansiedad social y ser una persona de transmisión cerrada me negó toda la relación gente normal tiene no ayuda que mi madre tenía su razón para no hacer un esfuerzo para estar cerca de algunos de esos relativos pero sigo pensando que se volvieron extraños para mí incluso mi abuelo abuelo que debo haber visto una vez antes de que él murió después de que mi madre se distanció de nosotros mismos del resto de la familia sigo pensando que todo lo que podría ser diferente no tenía que ser tan solitario e incluso si algunos de ellos son personas terribles todavía podría estar cerca de la buena como el primo que habló con mi madre si tan era como este otro primo se casaba desde que mi gran tío vino a nuestra casa para traer la invitación y quiero que yo siga pensando lo que el infierno soy incluso va a decir a todas estas personas que tengo un niño desde que voy