in the past year i got raped by a friend i trusted deeply i lost my job to covid my grandmother who i loved more than anyone passed my best friend completely ghosted me found out i have a chronic disease i can never have my own biological child i thought a these thing were happening that i would eventually be able to move past them that maybe they weren t such big deal and i really wa being too sensitive like my parent love to tell me i m an adult and i most definitely can t afford to move out i can barely afford to pay the 00 a month rent my parent charge me i live in the same room i ve lived in since i wa born i just pay for it now with money i wa saving for a car so i don t have a car i don t have my license cause my parent won t let me drive their car so i ve never practiced i don t have a single friend i had two but if you read the beginning yea i ve been homeschooled since the start of high school so i don t have anyone to fall back on except for family my grandmother wa the only one who really sympathized with me and i spent the past two year taking care of her pretty much full time she wa 9 and mentally and physically declining it killed me to watch the woman who raised me wither away i felt like i lost my only purpose when she passed away and i constantly blame myself for not being there when she died she had a heart attack and the coroner told me i couldn t have helped even if i wa right beside her but i m eaten alive with guilt i m still grieving but i need money to live i interviewed and got a job at a place i wanted to work i wa dreading it though because i knew my only way to get there is my parent my dad begrudgingly take me even though i don t know how he expects me to pay his rent if i can t have a job he constantly complains about having to take me there and back which is at the most minute of driving yet he won t aid me in getting a license and is draining my saving from my old job by charging me rent and now my current job is slashing my hour i went from 0 hour a week to what the fuck and they now expect me to do double the work on a single shift for 9 an hour i thought thing were looking up when i first got that job but now it s just shit i m not making any money or progress in life i m dependent on my family and im sick and tired of it i don t feel like an adult at all and frankly i don t want to be why would i want to live the next sixty year to pay tax work and be miserable there s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering i m traumatized from being raped i ve never told anyone irl and i think i m asexual because of it now thinking about anything intimate make me physically sick i never want to be in a relationship what s the point if i can t have kid anyways nobody would want me all i really want is a friend or two people to talk with and share hobby but i can t drive myself anywhere so i m kinda unable to even attempt to make connection with people and i ve noticed pretty much everyone my age is only interested in hook ups or relationship my old best friend of year completely ghosted me after she got a boyfriend i wanted to know what it wa like to have a boyfriend and my first kiss but it wa forcefully stolen from me i wanted to master an instrument and another language i wanted to keep seeing cool new game and anime come out i wanted to try food from around the world i wanted to see the northern light dance i wanted to see sakura season i wanted to see crystal clear ocean water i wanted to spread my wing and be able to just live normally but it just wasn t meant to be for me well i accidentally turned this into a long rant but basically i m giving up i see no point in living tomorrow will be my last day i made plan with my older sister to go to a movie and dinner so it ll be a good day at least i wa gon na shoot myself but i figured an overdose will be le painful for my parent to come across i m not sure exactly what i believe in but maybe life will be better next time my heart hurt for anyone feeling the same way i do it s hard thank you for reading
in the past year i got raped by a friend i trusted deeply i lost my job to covid my grandmother who i loved more than anyone passed my best friend completely ghosted me found out i have a chronic disease i can never have my own biological child i thought a these thing were happening that i would eventually be able to move past them that maybe they weren t such big dealand i really wa being too sensitive like my parent love to tell me i m an adultand i most definitely can t afford to move out i can barely afford to pay the 00 a month rent my parent charge me i live in the same room i ve lived in since i wa born i just pay for it now with money i wa saving for a carso i don t have a cari don t have my license cause my parent won t let me drive their car so i ve never practiced i don t have a single friend i had twobut if you read the beginning yea i ve been homeschooled since the start of high school so i don t have anyone to fall back on except for family my grandmother wa the only one who really sympathized with me and i spent the past two year taking care of her pretty much full time she wa 9 and mentally and physically declining it killed me to watch the woman who raised me wither away i felt like i lost my only purpose when she passed awayand i constantly blame myself for not being there when she died she had a heart attack and the coroner told me i couldn t have helped even if i wa right beside herbut i m eaten alive with guilt i m still grievingbut i need money to live i interviewed and got a job at a place i wanted to work i wa dreading it though because i knew my only way to get there is my parent my dad begrudgingly take me even though i don t know how he expects me to pay his rent if i can t have a job he constantly complains about having to take me there and back which is at the most minute of drivingyet he won t aid me in getting a license and is draining my saving from my old job by charging me rent and now my current job is slashing my hour i went from 0 hour a week to what the fuck and they now expect me to do double the work on a single shift for 9 an hour i thought thing were looking up when i first got that jobbut now it s just shiti m not making any money or progress in life i m dependent on my family and im sick and tired of iti don t feel like an adult at all and frankly i don t want to be why would i want to live the next sixty year to pay tax work and be miserable there s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering i m traumatized from being raped i ve never told anyone irland i think i m asexual because of it now thinking about anything intimate make me physically sick i never want to be in a relationship what s the point if i can t have kid anyways nobody would want me all i really want is a friend or two people to talk with and share hobbybut i can t drive myself anywhereso i m kinda unable to even attempt to make connection with people and i ve noticed pretty much everyone my age is only interested in hook ups or relationship my old best friend of year completely ghosted me after she got a boyfriend i wanted to know what it wa like to have a boyfriend and my first kiss but it wa forcefully stolen from me i wanted to master an instrument and another language i wanted to keep seeing cool new game and anime come out i wanted to try food from around the world i wanted to see the northern light dance i wanted to see sakura season i wanted to see crystal clear ocean water i wanted to spread my wing and be able to just live normallybut it just wasn t meant to be for mewell i accidentally turned this into a long rant but basically i m giving up i see no point in living tomorrow will be my last day i made plan with my older sister to go to a movie and dinner so it ll be a good day at least i wa gon na shoot myselfbut i figured an overdose will be le painful for my parent to come across i m not sure exactly what i believe in but maybe life will be better next time my heart hurt for anyone feeling the same way i do it s hardthank you for reading
En el año pasado fui violada por un amigo en el que confiaba profundamente perdí mi trabajo para convencer a mi abuela que amaba más de lo que nadie pasó mi mejor amigo completamente fantasmalizado me enteré de que tengo una enfermedad crónica que nunca puedo tener mi propio hijo biológico pensé que estas cosas estaban sucediendo que con el tiempo sería capaz de moverse más allá de ellos que tal vez no eran tan grande y yo realmente wa ser demasiado sensible como mi padre amor para decirme que soy un adulto y yo definitivamente no puedo permitirse el lujo de mudarme apenas puedo pagar los 00 al mes de alquiler mi padre me cobran que vivo en la misma habitación en la que he vivido desde que nací yo sólo pago por ello ahora con dinero que voy a ahorrar para un coche yo no tengo una licencia porque mi padre no me deja conducir su coche así que nunca he practicado no tengo un único amigo tengo dos pero si lees el principio yea he sido educado en casa desde el comienzo de la escuela secundaria