hi im an m and i just feel i am a lost cause i hate everything about my life and barley if at all want to do any of the work to make it better nothing about my life is horrible besides my relationship but thats another story lol i live in an average middle class house with my dad and have a decent setup for life i have friend who like me for me i hope and have started to go to party and etc but i just cant shake my depression or feeling of hating myself ive been like this since i wa or and nothing could help and all ive gotten is worse i wa a smart kid but now i haven t done any of my schoolwork and im supposed to graduate in month and i cheated through all of last year schooling because of covid i had a job then switched to doing doordash instacart since im but now i cant even motivate myself to go do that i hate my body the way i act i especially hate being gay i hate my adhd i hate that i get jealous of other people being happy with themselves it really hurt and i hate that i feel like i have no passion in life and i have nothing i really want to work towards besides having nice clothes and even then when i think of that i get more unmotivated because i already hate my body and wish clothes fit better on me already so i just get disappointed and think i will never look remotely close to the way i want i really think this is because of the tik tok era my body make me feel disgusting and i feel like i have the ugliest face in the world im like abnormally skinny 9 0 lb but i cant gain weight because even when i try i forget to eat or put it off to continue what im fixated on at the moment like i had my first meal at pm today ive asked my dad various time to get me setup with a psychiatrist but that will never happen knowing my parent ive been recommended to a therapist by my school counselor since th grade the only one ive had is the school provided one they gave for covid i just like in general hate myself and my life and i feel even worse about it because i shouldn t hate it i have a lot that i should be grateful for that i just take for granted for god sake i have been in my room for the past month doing nothing most people do not have that kind of luxury amp x 00b oh yeah and on the topic of my relationship which i think contriubutes to this feeling gt we ve been on and off for like year almost now i wa groomed im pretty sure he im you can do the math he is emotionally abusive and denies that he wa horribly abusive to me in the past for example he used to tell me about people asking to hookup with him constantly boost his own ego he put me down with insult and name accuses me of causing a scene or starting something when i have a reaction to a rude action he doe he didnt get me anything for valentine day or christmas he ha hit me twice but love to be like it wa a shirt i whipped you with and im sure he like that im depressed he ha said im going to end up a strung out drug addict like my mom that im a loser who will rot away who isn t even doing that bad rn and she isn t a strung out addict never wa she wa rich most her life im sorry if this isn t cohesive or whatever i just needed somewhere to vent my thought and hopefully get help i just really wish i didnt feel like this and my brain didnt hate me i wish i could just go to the gym and start doing my school work and get myself on track but i just cant
hi im an mand i just feel i am a lost cause i hate everything about my life and barley if at all want to do any of the work to make it better nothing about my life is horrible besides my relationship but thats another story lol i live in an average middle class house with my dad and have a decent setup for life i have friend who like me for me i hope and have started to go to party and etcbut i just cant shake my depression or feeling of hating myself ive been like this since i waor and nothing could help and all ive gotten is worse i wa a smart kidbut now i haven t done any of my schoolwork and im supposed to graduate in monthand i cheated through all of last year schooling because of covid i had a job then switched to doing doordash instacart since imbut now i cant even motivate myself to go do that i hate my body the way i act i especially hate beinggayi hate my adhd i hate that i get jealous of other people being happy with themselves it really hurtand i hate that i feel like i have no passion in life and i have nothing i really want to work towards besides having nice clothes and even then when i think of that i get more unmotivated because i already hate my body and wish clothes fit better on me alreadyso i just get disappointed and think i will never look remotely close to the way i want i really think this is because of the tik tok era my body make me feel disgustingand i feel like i have the ugliest face in the worldim like abnormally skinny 9 0lbbut i cant gain weight because even when i try i forget to eat or put it off to continue what im fixated on at the moment like i had my first meal at pm today ive asked my dad various time to get me setup with a psychiatrist but that will never happen knowing my parent ive been recommended to a therapist by my school counselor since th grade the only one ive had is the school provided one they gave for covidi just like in general hate myself and my life and i feel even worse about it because i shouldn t hate iti have a lot that i should be grateful for that i just take for granted for god sake i have been in my room for the past month doing nothing most people do not have that kind of luxury amp x 00boh yeah and on the topic of my relationship which i think contriubutes to this feeling gt we ve been on and off for like year almost nowi wa groomed im pretty surehe im you can do the math he is emotionally abusive and denies that he wa horribly abusive to me in the past for example he used to tell me about people asking to hookup with him constantly boost his own ego he put me down with insult and name accuses me of causing a scene or starting something when i have a reaction to a rude action he doe he didnt get me anything for valentine day or christmas he ha hit me twice but love to be like it wa a shirt i whipped you with and im sure he like that im depressed he ha said im going to end up a strung out drug addict like my mom that im a loser who will rot away who isn t even doing that badrnand she isn t a strung out addict never wa she wa rich most her lifeim sorry if this isn t cohesive or whatever i just needed somewhere to vent my thought and hopefully get helpi just really wish i didnt feel like this and my brain didnt hate mei wish i could just go to the gym and start doing my school work and get myself on trackbut i just cant
Hola a todos siento que soy una causa perdida odio todo acerca de mi vida y cebada si en absoluto quiero hacer cualquier trabajo para hacerlo mejor nada acerca de mi vida es horrible además de mi relación pero esa es otra historia lol vivo en una casa de clase media promedio con mi padre y tengo una configuración decente para la vida tengo un amigo que como yo espero y he comenzado a ir a la fiesta y etc pero no puedo sacudir mi depresión o sentimiento de odiarme a mí mismo he estado así ya que yo waor y nada podría ayudar y todo lo que he conseguido es peor yo wa un chico inteligente pero ahora no he hecho nada de mi trabajo escolar y se supone que me gradúe en el mes y me hice trampa a través de todo el año pasado la escuela porque de covid tuve un trabajo entonces cambié a hacer doordash instacart desde imbut ahora no puedo ni siquiera motivarme a ir a hacer que odio mi cuerpo la forma en que actúo especialmente odio sergayi odio mi adhd odio que me ponga celoso de otras personas siendo felices con ellos mismos y odio que me siento como no tengo pasión en la vida