sorry if this is kinda confusing and messed up i have a hard time putting my thought into word i f would sometimes get suicidal thought whenever i wa going through a bad panic attack but after i calmed down those thought would just disappear and i wa always sure that i would never do that stuff because i knew i only thought that a a quick escape from all the emotional pain and anxiety i wa going through but today those thought wouldn t get out of my head and i d find myself zoning out and planning on how to do it i wasn t even panicking about anything more like just feeling empty and depressed about my current and future life i ve been fighting everyday to feel some genuine happiness in myself and love for others so i can stop putting on this fake smile so everyone doesn t worry about me i miss it so fucking much and lately i ve been getting spark of those feeling again but they quickly dwindle away but now with these thought creeping in i feel like this battle that i ve been fighting for so long is pointless i don t even see a future for myself the people that i love in this life are slowly being consumed with negativity and become more and more toxic to me everyday and i ve noticed myself gaining that same negativity towards others and life and while i know that they re probably going through some stuff and i have sympathy for them it draining me and i can t be around them any longer since they clearly don t want change life been getting hard for me and it sucking the light out of me i don t know what to do about these thought but they won t get out of my fucking head and i m scared they ll get even worse please help me
sorry if this is kinda confusing and messed up i have a hard time putting my thought into word i f would sometimes get suicidal thought whenever i wa going through a bad panic attack but after i calmed down those thought would just disappearand i wa always sure that i would never do that stuff because i knew i only thought that a a quick escape from all the emotional pain and anxiety i wa going through but today those thought wouldn t get out of my head and i d find myself zoning out and planning on how to do it i wasn t even panicking about anything more like just feeling empty and depressed about my current and future life i ve been fighting everyday to feel some genuine happiness in myself and love for others so i can stop putting on this fake smile so everyone doesn t worry about me i miss it so fucking much and lately i ve been getting spark of those feeling again but they quickly dwindle away but now with these thought creeping in i feel like this battle that i ve been fighting for so long is pointless i don t even see a future for myself the people that i love in this life are slowly being consumed with negativity and become more and more toxic to me everyday and i ve noticed myself gaining that same negativity towards others and life and while i know that they re probably going through some stuffand i have sympathy for them it draining meand i can t be around them any longer since they clearly don t want change life been getting hard for meand it sucking the light out of mei don t know what to do about these thoughtbut they won t get out of my fucking headand i m scared they ll get even worse please help me
Lo siento si esto es un poco confuso y desordenado Tengo un tiempo difícil poner mi pensamiento en la palabra I f a veces conseguir pensamiento suicida cada vez que voy a través de un ataque de pánico malo, pero después de que me calmé esos pensamientos desaparecerían y siempre estoy seguro de que nunca haría eso porque sabía que sólo pensé que un escape rápido de todo el dolor emocional y la ansiedad que voy a través de pero hoy esos pensamientos no salirían de mi cabeza y me encontraría zoneando y planeando en cómo hacerlo Ni siquiera estaba asustado por nada más como simplemente sentirse vacío y deprimido sobre mi vida actual y futura He estado luchando todos los días para sentir una verdadera felicidad en mí mismo y el amor por los demás así que puedo dejar de poner en esta sonrisa falsa para que todos no se preocupen por mí Lo extraño tanto mierda mucho