I've had some degree of depression for a long time. Longer than this damn pandemic. I've always been a homebody but not leaving the house at all for almost three months was a lot. A lot has happened over the past year and I'm not sure how to handle it all. I feel alone even when there are people around.
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Nothing
Long
Seems ok to me, lots of people are depressed/anxious.
Hello
assistant
Others
Hello
user
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How are you doing today?
assistant
Question
Okay. How are you?
user
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Trying to be positive about the dumpster fire of 2020 lol, but positivity is kind of hard to maintain wouldn't you say?
assistant
Restatement or Paraphrasing
It really, really is. Things just pile up, you know?
user
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Totally! It's hard to plan for success when life seems a bit uncertain. Is there anything in particular that's bothering you?
assistant
Question
It's a combination of things. I have no idea what I'm doing most days, just kind of going through the motions. Kind of like Groundhog Day, repeating the same day over and over with slightly different variations. Trying to get things done and taken care of, thinking I'm doing my best and feeling like it's never good enough. Feeling like I'm failing all the time.
user
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Ah yes, the cog in the machine sort of vibe. Boy do I feel that. Well, the good thing is your not alone. The bad thing is societal pressure demands that we be productive or we think we're wasting time. When's the last time you took a day to enjoy something you like to do?
assistant
Reflection of feelings
It's been a long time since I did that, I can't even remember when I don't get many opportunities like that.
user
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What activity or activities are you thinking about? Anything that you enjoy or makes you smile.
assistant
Question
Anything really. I have two kids, neither of which is in school yet so they're with me all the time. It's very rare that I have someone to watch them for me so I can do....anything by myself. One of my good friends got married recently and my parents watched them for me so I could go to her bachelorette party and wedding without them. That was the first time I'd gone anywhere without them in....over a year
user
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Ah weddings, did you have fun?
assistant
Question
I did. I had a really good time. It was weird being out without them, but it was fun
user
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Nice! Well, two kids is A LOT, especially since they aren't in school yet. You are dealing with the care and growth of the most complex organism on this planet...times two! That's incredible. First of all, give yourself a pat on the back for that. Secondly, is it ok if i ask if you felt guilty for having fun without them? Often times guilt robs us of the ability to take care of ourselves, which happens to me all the time.
assistant
Affirmation and Reassurance
I'm working on that but I feel guilty wanting time to myself to do things
user
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I think that's a systemic problem. Guilt is this powerful check when we do things that are wrong but self love is not wrong. When you constantly take care of others, you might forget to take care of yourself. We are only able to give the best version of ourselves when we feel validated. Perhaps there is a daycare or at home assistance program that will help give you the time to remember how great you are! Do you have some friends or close relatives that can talk with?
assistant
Providing Suggestions
Not really. They're all dealing with they're own issues
user
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Have you asked them? I don't mean to be rude, but I have trouble asking for help and sometimes asking people for help seems like this huge, monumental task. But people can often surprise you. Of course, If you have, then I'd suggest looking up some motivational apps and trying meditation. While it can be hard with two young kids, meditation, even for only a few minutes, will help you relax through your doubt long enough to handle the challenges of the day. When you say you feel like your failing, do you think it is because you hold yourself a standard that is hard to reach?
assistant
Question