My boyfriend is having a serious cancer surgery this week. I am very scared.
No, it really went well.
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No
Hi! How are you today/
assistant
Others
I'm OK, but really nervous/scared. My boyfriend is having surgery this week for a serious cancer. Over the last week or two, he can barely eat. And sleeps all the time. I just want him to feel better, but the surgery is scary.
user
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Oh wow, i'm so sorry. That's really scary.
assistant
Restatement or Paraphrasing
It is. And it happened so fast. He was really just fine in July.
user
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It seems like he was in a lot of pain adn discomfort so surgery should really help.
assistant
Information
That's what we are hoping. He was sort of stubborn about talking to the surgeon this week for advice, but finally listened to me.
user
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Yeah, it really comes out of nowhere. MY mother was diagnosed with cancer last year and it felt so out of nowhere and unfair. Good thing he has you! he's lucky to have someone like you in his corner.
assistant
Self-disclosure,Affirmation and Reassurance
Doesn't it? So you understand. You can feel so helpless.
user
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I do understand. It's really hard. THe only thing that you can do is try to stay positive as cliche as that sounds.
assistant
Providing Suggestions
I think it helps him if I do. He will be in the hospital for 1-2 weeks.
user
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You aren't helpless! So much of this is mental and you being there for him is more helpful than you know. Will you be able to visit him in the hospital?
assistant
Affirmation and Reassurance,Question
I'm a little nervous about what kind of help he'll need when he gets home. Yes! I'm so relieved, with the covid restrictions. but I can. I think only one visitor at a time, but he moved her to be close to me (met long distance), so his closest friends aren't local. The ones he'd want to visit.
user
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Thank god! That will make such a big difference for both of you. Being alone would be scary. Well he clearly loves you! I am happy that he's getting the treatment he needs and has someone so supportive like you helping him.
assistant
Reflection of feelings,Affirmation and Reassurance
Thank you... it really helps to talk to someone. I worry about stressing out friends. Plus sometimes, they just don't know what to say, especially if they haven't known someone who has gone through it. How did your mom do? If you don't mind my asking.
user
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Your friends probably want to be there for you, don't be stressed about that. They just may need some guidance on how to be there for you . My mom is doing great! Still in treatment but doing so well.
assistant
Providing Suggestions,Self-disclosure
OH, thank goodness. I'm happy for both of you. It's just a strange year. I lost both my dogs to cancer in six months, then this. Then my cousin died of pancreatic in July. Plus some other acquaintances. It's just felt like a lot. Did your mom have trouble eating? And tons of fatigue?
user
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Oh wow, i'm so sorry. You've had a really tough year. You really deserve a break. She did ! Especially when she was in treatment.
assistant
Reflection of feelings,Self-disclosure
Right, and as I bet you can relate, breaks are hard to get in COVID days. that's what's scary, is right now, he's not in treatment. They think because of the cancer's location and the type, that surgery is the better option. So it's really just the cancer that is doing this to him.
user
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Definitely hard. You'll have to try to find something for you to relax. Even if it's just walking or reading.
assistant
Providing Suggestions
That's one thing COVID has been good for. Lots of long walks with friends.
user
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Yes! Definitely.
assistant
Others
And I do have a young dog now who is a big help too. :)
user
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Dogs are the best!! Mine gets me through everything.
assistant
Self-disclosure
It turned out, I got this boy between losing the two I mentioned. I am so very thankful I got him when I did and wasn't totally without a dog. He's been a lifesaver. Even though puppies are crazy.
user
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I'm sure!! Enjoy him. It's great for stress relief. ANd having a puppy is a great distraction.
assistant
Affirmation and Reassurance
Now just need to get through this week. But another weird blessing about covid is I am not stressed about thanksgiving plans on top of the surgery.
user
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You definitely will, you seem like you are very strong.
assistant
Reflection of feelings
I really appreciate you saying that.
user
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It's true! i hope this has been helpful.
assistant
Others
I try to be, for him. Every so often, I hear a song and want to cry.
user
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Crying can be therapeutic so that's good!
assistant
Providing Suggestions
I should take a bath and cry now! Thank you so much. You've been a true help. Have a nice holiday, if you're here in the States.
user
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You too! hAppy thanksgiving!!
assistant
Others
Take care.
user
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