I found out that my boyfriend had been lying to me about his entire life, and so the future that he had said we were building towards was all but impossible. I'm trying to figure out if I should stay with him.
Good exercise
no
Hello, what is life like for you at the moment?
assistant
Question
Infinitely complicated. Too many decisions. I don't know what to do.
user
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I am sorry to hear that but I am happy to listen and help you if I can what sort of things are you trying to decide?
assistant
Others,Question
I don't even know where to start. I'm trying to decide if I can build trust with him again. He lied about everything.
user
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Well, let's try to take it one problem at a time so's not to get overwhelmed. What is your biggest problem at the moment? Ah, am I to take it that a relationship has recently ended?
assistant
Providing Suggestions,Reflection of feelings
When we met, before we got involved, he said he was divorced. I ended up finding out that he was still legally married. He assured me that they were just a pen's stroke away from being divorced. That was in March. I found out three weeks ago that they're actually still living together. ANd, no. We haven't broken up yet.
user
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Ah I totally hear you .. the old 'we're getting divorced' line. I've been in that one! You are well out of this.
assistant
Self-disclosure
I'm debating. I don't know what to do. I feel like a schmuck. He has such pretty words.
user
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From personal experience I think that if they say they're going to get divorced and then drag their feet it is never going to happen.
assistant
Self-disclosure
And he invests so much time and effort into us. I agree with you. My mind agrees. My stupid emotions are clouding things.
user
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Well, if you were to give him an ultimatum what do you think he would say?
assistant
Others
I did. LOL
user
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And he's still married?
assistant
Question
And he brought his kids to my house so they could meet my kids. He had a conversation with them about why he and their mother had been living the way they had. (in seperate floors of the house) That was two weeks ago. So, yes, he is. Too soon to tell.
user
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I can tell that you feel that you are being cheated here. I can't tell you what to do but don't you think you deserve better?
assistant
Reflection of feelings
I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out. Should I give him time to prove himself now that he's backed into a corner.
user
null
It's not for me to say but I wonder if he's really going to change as he has not already.
assistant
Affirmation and Reassurance
That's not an easy question to answer. He treats me very well. Always has. And he is frantically trying to accomodate me, now htat I know. I agree with you. It's one of my fears.
user
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How do your children feel about this? And his?
assistant
Question
MY children (6 and 9) have been living with him in their lives as a male figure who is growing into a father figure. He and I have been together for fifteen months, and part-time living together for six. This isn't a new relationship. That's part of the complication, too. His kids actually asked if they could come live with me while he and his (ex?) figured their shit out.
user
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Yes, I can imagine that it is. It is always really difficult when children are involved. I know you would not want your children to be hurt
assistant
Question
It's a messed up situation that COVID has not improved. He was furloughed in May. Indeed I don't, you're right.
user
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I hear you. Covid has disrupted the whole world so might this year! I can't wait for it to be over.
assistant
Self-disclosure
But now it seems like it will hurt them if I break up with him.
user
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But it will hurt them more the longer the situation goes on :(
assistant
Others
I wish I could say that I were confident that 2021 would be better, but... Too right. And this is all a part of why this is not a simple situation.
user
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Well it surely could not be worse :)
assistant
Others
I have no doubt that he loves me very much. Hahahaha! Seems that way. He didn't make this lie up for me. That's an interesting thing. He was living the "divorced dad" lie to A LOT of people. Anybody and everybody who was far enough away to be lied to. She lives in her bedroom. Only comes out to work two nights a week. DOesn't want to have anything to do with her kids (5, 9, 11, 13)
user
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(sorry was afk let me catch up)
assistant
Others
And she and my BF have been living that way for three years. Over a year before I even met him.
user
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Is it possible she is suffering from depression?
assistant
Providing Suggestions
I would all but guarantee it.
user
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It just worries me that he might treat you the same way if you were ever in the same position
assistant
Others
Here's the other kicker, though... She knows about me. (I know. You're right. I thought that as well)
user
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And how does she feel about you?
assistant
Question
She doesn't care. She just wants to keep the status quo. She likes the money and security. (before he was furloughed, he made very good money.)
user
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I think it would be better if he were able to come to a sensible financial solution with her. This situation is damaging for everyone.
assistant
Providing Suggestions
Yes! I agree! EVERYBODY!
user
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I hope I have been able to have been of some help to you :) A very happy New Year to you!
assistant
Others
Happy New Year!
user
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