7 weeks ago, my lover and I decided to stop having an affair.
I appreciated the encouragement
Hi, I am having a tough time processing a correct decision today
user
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Good morning. What type of decision is troubling you?
assistant
Question
A few weeks ago, my lover and I decided to stop our affair. It is the right choice for him because he feels he should work on his marriage. I admire that, yet It is very lonely for me right now
user
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I can understand the feeling lonely would make you feel your decision was wrong but from an outsiders view, it was not a healthy relationship if he was already committed to someone. You deserve something better. Someone dedicated to you.
assistant
Reflection of feelings,Affirmation and Reassurance
It was a fantastic experience. we were together for 3 years. I am not mad at him, he's a good guy. He was separated when we met. But as all life, it's complicated
user
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I completely understand. I have been in your shoes before. I learned a lot and found out more about myself in the growing experience after the relationship ended. I'm sure there was some positives even with you at the end of the relationship now. Each person is put in our life for a reason or season. This may just be the stepping stone to finding your soul mate. The perfect relationship won't feel so tricky in the long run and will make you feel on top of the world!
assistant
Self-disclosure,Affirmation and Reassurance
Yes, I had my eyes wide open during the process and he and I were very open with our communication. I can see lots of blessings but I am just so sad. Each day is a challenge to focus I can't imagine a relationship right now
user
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Sounds like you really but your heart in to this and I'm sure it hurts. No need to rush relationship. Falling back in love with yourself is the key first. Finding your inner happiness will make the next relationship that much better and stronger! Treat yourself to a few solo dates to find joy in the day to day life you are now building without him.
assistant
Providing Suggestions,Providing Suggestions
I have heard the idea of dating ones self I haven't been out to eat for over a year due to the pandemic situation
user
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It can be fun! No decisons on who wants to go where. It is all about you enjoying the moment and your own company! No need to go out if you feel uncomfortable. Find a movie you have been wanting to watch and order some take out! Or do some online shopping while enjoying your favorite dessert or adult beverage!
assistant
Others,Providing Suggestions
During this time with the affair, I had the strength to leave a narcissistic spouse that abused me emotionally. I am proud of myself for that.
user
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That is a lot to handle! I am proud of you for that as well! No one ever deserves to be abused. Some solo time to rebuild your independance may do you wonders and give you back your strength and self confidence! Seems like the past year has been emotionally draining.
assistant
Reflection of feelings
It has been. You are right about me focusing on solo time.
user
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I think you know yourself better than anyone else and are about to leap in to a new chapter of your life. You received lessons from both the past relationships and can take that forward knowing what you wish for and deserve.
assistant
Restatement or Paraphrasing
Thank you for letting me talk about this. It is a touchy topic, affairs. My heart was so loved during that time but I always told him that if he needed me to step back, I would. It has been difficult on both of us. Being a parent, having the families meshed together, homes, work, etc.... I can understand why he feels he should try again.
user
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Sometimes talking about why you are feeling is the best way to find closure. Keep the memories of the love and good times but know that in the end you were destined for something so much more. As adults we try so often to find happiness in others. He is a good person for wanting to try to resolve the situation for his family but that does not mean he did not love you or that your relationship was not a bright spot in his life as it was yours. I'm sure he is hurting too.
assistant
Reflection of feelings
thank you so much for saying that. It really means a lot to me and grounds me you are correct, that I need to move forward for me. I deserve it. That's a concept I have been learning.
user
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You deserve peace through this transition. It will take some time but I think you will come out even stronger and happier on the long run. Journaling may be a great outlet for your emotions as well.
assistant
Providing Suggestions
thank you for that idea. He was my muse in that relationship and I would write beautiful stories and poetry for him. Writing out my journey to the next stage of my life would be beneficail
user
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I think so! It may also let you heal while building your creativity even more! You seem like a very passionate and loving person.
assistant
Reflection of feelings
You made me heart smile... thank you.. !! I am glad that I got to speak with you today!
user
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