imagine the bad thing that could ever possibly be conceive by human intellect . now imagine something infinitely darker i mean and bad and than that . then multiply that by the quantity of the suckiness possess by the star war holiday special . this movie be by far bad than that . dracula 3000 represent infinite darkness and star such illustrious and reputable actor such a coolio and langley kirkwood ( a the film horrify antagonist and count orlock ) be equatable to eat one own feces exclusively for one entire life and condense into approximately one hour and twenty minute . to be frank and there be no way to approach a review of this cinematic tragedy riddle with communist propaganda and promotion of drug use and futuristic anachronism and and quite possibly the bad special effect since the ( original ) war of the world . the hammer and the sickle of the soviet union can be see proudly display throughout the dingy set they dare call a spaceship . lenin can be observe on several poster throughout the film . and of course and religion have be abolish for two century by then . so they do not know who this god be and even though they have no reservation about use his name in vain . but of course and in the socialist republic of space ( preside over by interstellar president baker ) and death stick like drug be legalize and quite common . yet handicap mobility seem even bad off than it be today ( they do not even have a wheelchair ramp ) . racial tension still fester throughout the galaxy in quite a familiar or predictable fashion . we receive great commentary on ethnic division through line such a be dracula a brotha . and u brothas get ta stick together and and once you go black and you do not go back . speaking of the token black character and one be play by coolio . play a stereotypical stoner and coolio become possibly the most annoying and ridiculous vampire ever . oh wait and second most ridiculous vampire ever . that prize title go to our friend count orlock and from planet transylvania and in the carpathian system . these two make quite a pair and between coolio attempt to cripple a paraplegic and strange attempt at make high pitch animal noise and a hairstyle 1004 year old and and gigantic stretch of completely worthless dialogue while and count orlock twenty dollar generic halloween style vampire costume and exploding coffin and or confusingly inane back story . one wonder if they do not simply give coolio the opportunity to get as high a a kite in space without gravity and let him interact with the other actor and and just go from there . count orlock motivation be also somewhat in question . do he want infinite darkness and a the film subtitle would have you believe . do he want to eat the crew . or do he want coolio to kill them all . or do he desire to give handicapped people a chance in such an inhospitably future . it doesn not really matter and because none of this film plot make sense anyways . the highlight of this movie have to be it end . more for the fact that it mean the movie be over than by any merit of the abrupt trainwreck of a climax they phone in before the credit . instead of face count orlock off in some sort of duel ( the closest we get be a shot of orlock flail around at breakneck speed in front of our protagonist and who die shortly afterwards ) and our hero beat him by cut off his arm in an ordinary door . orlock then proceed to collapse and screech in pain at a totally mundane yet understandably painful injury . this be by far the most fun you will get from this movie . watch a vampire contorted face a he cry in pain will have you on the edge of your seat with laughter . almost worth the four buck for that alone . of course and right after that be treat with one of the film bad one liner and the mandatory allusion to sex and and perhaps the most abrupt excuse for an end ever . theyre drive into the sun and and their ship literally just blow up before they even come remotely close to impact . i think they just outdo the wachowski bros. for the bad finale ever . i can only sleep at night because we know that a sequel be impossible . secure in this fact and we can safely say that this be the bad movie ever create and and one which will never be exceed in low quality and low budget and and low est act talent .