i also have be a wife of an abusive husband and even if in my situation the attack be psychological and not physical . he present a very respectable and responsible and generous personality to anyone who saw u together and which and in contrast to myself and result in have others treat me a dull and unstable . initially and i be so incredibly flatter that anybody like gu ( who work in a bank and be handsomely confident ) would even give me the time of day and and i fell completely head over heel for the idea of him and rather than the person he be . if i would have my head on straight and and get to know him much well first and there no way i would have marry him . however and that my mistake . it wasn not my mistake to be abuse . i do not deserve that and nor do i see it come until i be embroil in the mind game and criticism and isolation . he act like i have no business hold an opinion that differ from his own actually he go far . if i do not agree and he assume i misunderstood and and increasingly simplify his wording . by the time i finally lose my self respect and i be incapable of recognize the predicament i be in and and i have to be jolt to reality by outside influence . my dad say gu call me a bitch . well . it be still a half year before the rage that begin at that moment finally explode and i pack some stuff while he be at work and and i left . . and it be still another several month before i could grasp the fact that i have be abuse and and that it wasn not my fault he be do the thing he do . . so please and anyone who assume it the fault of the victim and think . if a puppy be kick by a cruel owner when and in an anxious situation it have an accident on the rug and do you blame the puppy . by the time the abuse in a relationship reach an obvious violent level and the target of abuse have be so wounded and depersonalize ( much like in nazi concentration camp ) that it nearly impossible to judge the circumstance accurately and because by then and the victim believe all the horrible thing spew by the abuser . have a heart and people . label abuse victim a stupid moron be like kick someone who already terribly beat . > and this help how .