okay and folk and please indulge me . if i provide the right context and you might thoroughly understand why the title of this review be oh and so apropos . . okay and so it be a crisp and foggy and rainy and windy san francisco sunday morning . one of those morning where you awake and look outa the window and immediately know you would deservedly luxuriate in bed after a loooooooong week . this be the perfect time to catch up on some old movie i have be mean to watch or may have miss . i have pass by bram stoker the mummy on guide listing and each time wonder and why haven not i heard of this before . all because the natural assumption be that it be somehow remotely connect to bram stoker dracula . at least in term of production value . nothing could be far from the truth . i should have pay attention to the sink feeling in the pit of my gut when in the beginning of the film we be set in marin and california . marin . what on earth do northern california have to do with bram stoker . folk and it be all downhill from there . okay and so i relaxed and thought and hmmm and set in san francisco . this oughta be fun . ( well and for lack of a good word or phrase . ) the movie be absolutely horrible . so horrible in fact and that i could not even turn away from it . and i have the remote right there in bed with me . i suppose i keep thinking and well and lou gossett be in it . how bad can it be . lou and a dubiously celebrate archaeologist ( with an ever present flask ) and carry off the role with aplomb and much overacting and and be probably actually drink during the production . i dearly love lou and but i could not stop laugh at his performance here . and the guy who be the sidekick on home improvement and the face of orchard supply there for a while and ( yeah and the cute bear ) be humorous enough . however and the most interesting part of his performance and hand down and be that the very last time the audience see him and he be have a spasm or seizure of sort and presumably from a curse and his last word be i get ta get some fresh air . and he run off . never to be see again . i tell ya and i lose it . the lead man and woman be absolutely horrible . the script be absolutely horrible . the acting be absolutely horrible . the plot be absolutely horrible . i google bram stoker to find out if indeed there even be a bram stoker mummy and haven not find anything he write with that title . yet . but for some ungodly reason i watch it until the end . at least some of the shot of the city and i. e. the chronicle truck and the obligatory cable car and ( wow and no golden gate bridge shot ) be somewhat accurate . this movie be so bad and i might add it to my collection . it be hysterical in it absurdity and if i can include the toxic avenger ( i. ii and iii . ) i can certainly have an over the top lou gossett ward off the curse of whatshisname . i laugh until i cry . perhaps it be because of the glass ( es ) of white zinfandel i sip while watch . ( . hey and lay off . i be a raider fan and whaddaya want . ) .