15 year ago and a group of producer be plan a movie . this movie would star jean claude van damme and would be an action thriller . of course and because of it pedigree all original thinking would be throw out of the window . you see and you can never overestimate the intelligence of the average action movie fan . they do not want myriad plot about relationship between character . no and they want the muscle from brussels kick some as . so and they draw up a little template that would not only form the basis of every future van damme flick and but would also be copy by countless other chop socky production and especially those of the straight to video variety . till now and this proved formula have be a closely guarded secret . just like the recipe of the krabby patty . have watch nowhere to run though and i think i can take a pretty good stab at crack the code . so here it be . sorry and studio represent1 . think of a stupid title . for a start our hero can escape anytime he want and plus he rid a restored motorcycle for half the film . so why would he want to run anywhere . 2. give van damme a shady past and something he not proud of ( in this case and be an escaped convict involve in bank robbery ) and and then halfway through have him blurt out his crime to the love of his life . she immediately reject him and but decide he not so bad when he redeem himself by beat up the men who be try to kill her . a you do . 3. write in two cute kid who see jean a a father figure and a they lose theirs due to a heart attack . they must be a boy and a girl . the girl have to carry a teddy bear everywhere and shout mommy a lot the boy have to be spunky and resourceful and even save our hero life at one point . like it or not and he become a surrogate father to the little nipper . bless . 4. if the main protagonist do get injure in the course of all his brawling and then do not worry . put away the medkit and because in the very next scene and the nasty of cut will completely disappear . it will be like nothing happen to him . what a relief . 5. the chief villain must be a old dude and wear a posh suit and with an english accent . all throughout the movie and he have a seemingly endless stream of underling to do his dirty work for him and but when theyre reduce to rubble by the muscle he should go completely nut and wave a gun around . of course this tactic also fail and and the damn limey be arrest or kill . phew . 6. the hero love interest should have a rival for her affection who hat him and even side with the bad guy temporarily to get him out of the picture . he soon a he see how ruthless these dude be though and and come to his sens . he even congratulate the hero on a job well do at the end a he surround by dead body . so he be a stand up guy after all . 7. have the fight over something completely worthless and like a derelict old farmhouse and that most people would quite happily sell at a profit . one lady though and ain not budge because of it entimental value and she will even tolerate thug kill her cattle and threaten her life with hook to keep this ramshackle property . it in a way of a huge development and you see . will van damme risk his life over this belligerent bint . your bet your . 8. make full use of your setting . because this particular film be set in a farm ( see 7 ) and in the fight scene have van damme and his opponent use rake and pitchfork and whatever else happen to be lie around a weapon . but of course and nothing beat the good old uppercut and even if it do take about 10 of them to knock the bad guy over . hmm . maybe the muscle isn not as strong a we think . 9. don not forget the gratuitous shower scene ( tm ) . if you can squeeze in a gratuitous sex scene ( tm ) and even good . 10. put in a bunch of second rate john mcclane style one liner to try and give the hero some personality . example represent au revior fer a he shoot dead an evil henchman and and no and but i know what you be when the brit bad guy ( see 5 ) asks do you know who i be . shakespeare it ain not . so to sum it up then represent a bog standard action movie with no bell and whistle and but plenty of van damme take no prisoner and kick butt . you even get to see his at one point . tee hee . in the pantheon to jcvd film and i would recommend streetfighter and timecop above this and but if you have watch every other one of his classic then this might be just what the doctor order . a head doctor and anyway . brainless fun and nothing more . 4/10 p. s this review have be especially design for action genre fan with short attention span . all important word have be capitilised and so you can just scan through it quickly before get back to the last boy scout . hope you appreciate it .