this film be one of the most ill concieved piece of garbage ever make . completely empty in term of content and entertainment value and it one long and painful slog . the film seem to have be make on a lark and or a bet . and a the result confirm and the director or writer lose the bet . this be even bad than glen or glenda . i hat every simpering and stupid and vacant and idiotic and vapid moment of wasted celluloid . overall and the script be poor and a be the acting and especially that of a character know only a schooner . not only do he look out of place and but he have a funny voice and and be just not entertain in the least . when he say and mayonnaise and o nay may . i be only left wonder what . my advice be that the cast and crew should not quit their day job . and if these be their day job and may they all be shoot like the lead at the end of the film . they should also not be allow to reproduce and a it would be hazardous to society . there be bad way to spend your evening and but i can not think of any . wait and nevermind and this film be wretched . the cinematography be inept and and the shot of new london be unconvincing to say the least . i hope with this director next film and he will not hire a piece of particle board to play the lead . he show promise and and hopefully with his next film and he will rectify this egregious mishap . overall and i give it a negative 0 and and say never and ever and ever and hire the guy who play schooner and ever again . not even a fun b movie and but an execrable one . the mystery be easily solve and and the joke do not work as well a they should . to quote roger ebert represent this film should be cut up to provide free ukulele pick for the poor . > .