there be crusty old cynic out there who dare to suggest that legolas and in peter jackson the lord of the ring and shoot his bow a tad too quickly to be truly realistic . oh my god and they have see nothing while nothing to compare to the hilarious nonsense that be hawk the slayer . john terry play our hero hawk no and not the central defender for chelsea football club although and be this true and it would be the least of the casting disaster . terry be later to appear in of mouse and men and full metal jacket i can only assume his acting have improve on this and his third and film in which he could have single handedly re populate the amazon rainforest . but ohmygod and there more . bernard bresslaw yes the big guy from the carry on film a a giant . the corpse of jack pallance re animate for one week only to play of all thing hawk evil brother . ray charleson a ( pause ) crooow and the amphetamined up elfin type . and let not forget william morgan sheppard the only man in the middle age to have a crossbow complete with an ak47 style magazine cartridge when you absolutely have to kill every mf in the goddamn room and except no substitute . what be they think . what could they have be think . you also have to wonder what the cast and crew think when they sit down to watch the post production cut of this movie . the comedy fantasy name and the dry ice and the tree line and side of the motorway set and the disco soundtrack and jack pallance look like nothing so much a john wayne hold his mighty weapon . they have unleash a monster . would any of them survive it . terry marcel clearly do not while a year later he be make the british tv series bergerac the directorial equivalent of be send to the russian front . he my suggestion for this film . buy it nothing could ever provide you with more entertainment . keep it under your bed like it be a porn flick and get it out ( so to speak ) when your mate come around for a kitsch early 80 revival night . drink lot of beer ( you will need it when you see the size of pallance weapon ) and slide into a pair of fake leather trouser and press play . ah and if only they have mean it it would have be pure genius . negative .