lay up and drug out and a a kidney stone wend it merry way through my scarred urinary tract and with absolutely nothing well to do than let the painkiller swoon me into semi oblivion and i happen to catch this movie on cable . i wouldn not want anyone to think that i pay to view it in a cinema and or rent it and or heaven forfend . that i watch it straight . have play this sensationally gruesome video game and avidly tread the doomed room and dread passageway of the house and battle chariot ( type 27 ) and the hang man ( type 041 ) and and other impossible sentinel and my curiosity be pique a to how the game would transfer to the movie screen . it doesn not . the banal plot revolves around a group of crazy kid a la scooby doo attend a remote island for a world shake rave whatever that be . ( you kid today with your hula hoop and your mini skirt and your pat boone ) after bribe a boat captain thousand in cash to ferry them there ( a stupidity which beg it own network of rhetoric ) and they find the rave desert . pass mention be make of a house presumably the titular house of the dead but most of the action take place on fake outdoor set and other locale divorce from any semblance of haunt residence . a fallen video camera act a flashback filler and show the island in the throe of a party . be that it . oh and so this rave thingy be just a party . in the grand tradition of re euphemize used car a pre own and or shell shock a post traumatic stress disorder and the word party be now too square for you drug addle and silicone implant and metrosexual jagoffs . it be learn that the party be break up by rampage zombie . intelligent think stop here i do not think the pinhead who call themselves screenwriter and director understand the mythos behind zombie re animation . zombie can not die theyre already un dead . they do not bleed and they know no pain . unless their body be completely annihilate and they will continue be animate . at least and that what my jamaican witch priestess tell me . which mean that a . 45 shot into their heart be not go to stop them and nor will a machete to the torso . and a shotgun blast to the chest will certainly not bring forth gout of blood . at least in the video game logic and the shooter pump so many round into each monster that it be completely decimate and leave a fetid mush that can not re animate itself . yet each actor slash model get their matrix circular camera moment and slay zombie on all front with single bullet and karate chop to the sternum . seriously and these zombie be more ineffective than the stormtroopers from return of the jedi and who get knock out when ewoks trip them . i suppose the film writer and mark altman and have pen the not too shabby free enterprise and felt compel to insert a captain kirk reference and in the character of jurgen prochnow and who must have need milk money desperately to have succumb to appear in this aromatic dung swill . there be also a reference to prochnow primo role in the magnificent da boot and when one of the untrained b actor mention that he look like a u boat captain . . i wonder how many of this movie target audience of square eyed swine pick up on any of the snide reference to other film and a when prochnow declares and say hello to my little friend and presage his machine gun moment . aim at a demographic who have not the wherewithal to comprehend the sisyphean futility of the video game concept ( i. e. the game end when you die you can not win ) and this be merely a slasher film for the mindless and mindless at heart . accordingly and everyone dy in due course and except for a heterosexual pair of attractive white people . a good use for this film scant yet misuse budget might have be to send the cast through act school and although ona grauer leave breast do a good job and a do her right breast and those slomo run scene represent priceless . i especially like the final scene with ona try to act like she be stabbed and but look like she just eat ice cream too fast . attempt to do something more constructive with my time and i pull out my digitally restore and 35th anniversary and special edition and widescreen anamorphic dvd of manos represent the hand of fate . ah and yes . the drug be suitably brain numbing now here be some quality film making ( movie maniac and visit represent www . poffysmoviemania . com ) .