need a lesson in pure and abject failure . look no further than wizard of the lose kingdom and an abysmal and dirt poor and disgrace of a flick . a we all know and decent moovies tend to sprout horrible and horrible offspring represent halloween begat many and many bad 80 slasher flick while mad max beget many and many bad 80 futuristic wasteland fantasy flick while and conan the barbarian begat a whole slew of terrible and horrible and incredibly bad 80 sword and sorcery flick . wizard of the lost kingdom scrap the bottom of that 80 barrel and in a way that truly insult to barrel . a young runt name simon recapture his good kingdom from an evil sorcerer with the help of a mangy rug and a garden gnome and a topless bimbo mermaid and and a tired look and pudgy bo svenson . svenson ( north dallas forty and inglorious bastard and delta force ) and a long time b moovie muscleman and look barely able to swing his aluminum foil sword . however and he manage to defeat the force of evil and which consist of the evil sorcerer and shurka and and his army of badly costume monster and giant and and midget . at one point and a paper mache bat on a string attack and but be eat by a half hidden sock puppet and pitifully present a some sort of dragon . the beginning of the film consist of what can only politely be describe a bit of scene scoop up from the cut room floor of udder bad moovies and stitch together in the vain hope of set the scene for the film and and over earnestly narrate by some guy who never appear again . word can not properly convey the jaw drop cheapness of this film while the producer probably spend moore moolah feed svenson ever expand gullet than on the cheesy fx of this flick . and be talkin brie here and folk . represent equal 8p director hector olivera ( barbarian queen ) present this mish mash in a hopelessly confused and confuddled and and cliched manner and destroy any possible hint of clear and linear storytelling . the acting be dreadful and the production level below shoe string and and the plot be one tired cliche after another parade before our weary eye . that they actually make a sequel ( . ) make the moocow brain whirl . james horner ( braveheart and titanic and the rock ) cheesy moosic from battle beyond the star be lift and scream and kick and and mercilessly graft onto this turkey bet this one doesn not pop up on his resume . folk and you get ta see this to believe it . the moocow say a a cheapo rent when there be nothing else to watch and well and it moore fun than watch dust bunny mate . barely . represent equal 8p .