oh dear lord and how on earth be any part of this film ever approve by anyone . it reek of cheese from start to finish and but it not even good cheese . it the scummiest and moldy and most tasteless cheese there be and and i can not believe there be anyone out there who actually and truly enjoy it . yes and if you saw it with a load of drunk or stone buddy then some bit might be funny in a sad kind of way and but for the rest of the audience the only entertaining part be when say group of buddy be throw popcorn and abusive insult at each other and the screen . i watch it with an up for a few laugh guy and have have a few beer in preparation to chuckle away at the film expect crapness . we get the crapness ( plenty of it ) and but not the chuckle . it doesn not even qualify a a so bad it good movie . it just plain bad . very and very bad . here why ( look away if youre spoilerphobic ) represent the movie start out with a guy beat another guy to death . ok and i be a few minute late in so not sure why this be and but i think i grasp the this guy be a bit of a badass who you do not want to mess with message behind the ingenious scene . oh and and a guy witness it . so and we already have our ultra evil bad guy and and wussy but cute ( apparently ) good guy . cue hero . big sam step on the scene in the usual fashion and save good guy in the usual inane way that only poor action film can accomplish and i. e. hero be immune to bullet and everyone else fall over rather clumsily . cue first plot hole . how the bloody hell do sammy know where this guy be and or that he would watch the murder . perhaps this and and the answer to all my plot hole related question and be explain in the 2 minute before i get into the cinema and but i doubt it . in fact and i be go to stop poking hole in the plot right here and l i turn the movie into something resemble swiss cheese ( which we all know be good cheese ) . so and the plot ( a very generous word to use ) . good guy must get to la and evil guy would rather he do not and hero sam stand between the two . cue scenery for the next vomit induce hour the passenger plane . a i say and no more poking at plot hole and i will just leave it there . passenger plane . next and the vital ingredient up until now miss from this gem of a movie and and what make it everything it be snakes . yay . oh and pause . first we have the introduction to all the obligatory character that a lame movie must have . hot and horny couple ( see if you can guess how they die ) and dead before any snake even appear british guy ( those pesky brit and eh . ) and cute kid and and jo brand . for all you americans that an english comic famous for her size and unattractiveness . now that we have meet the cast and let watch all of them die ( except of course the cute kid ) . don not expect anything original and it just snake bite on various and ever increasingly hilarious ( really not ) part of the body . use your imagination and since the film maker obviously do not use theirs . so and that most of the film wrap up and so now for the best bit and the end . a expect and everything be just so happy a the plane land that everyone in sight start suck face . yep and ice cool sammy include . but wait and be not all off the plane yet . the last guy to get off be good guy and but just a he do he get bite by a ( you guess it ) snake ( of all thing ) . clearly this one have be hide in mr. jackson hair the whole time and since it somehow manage to resist the air pressure trick that the good old hero have employ a few minute earlier and despite the 200ft constrictor ( the one that eat that pesky british bugger ) be unable to . so and sam shoot him and the snake in one fell swoop . at this point i pray that the movie be about to make a much need u turn and reveal that all along the hero be actually a traitor of some sort . but no . in a kind of ice on the cake way ( but with stale cheese and remember ) and it be reveal that the climax of the film be involve a bullet proof vest . how anyone can think that an audience 10 year ago and let alone in 2006 would be impress by their ingenuity be beyond me and but it do well in sum up the film . actually and be not quite do yet . after everyone have suck face ( uncle sam with lead actress and good guy with tiffany and token black guy with token white girl and and the hot couple in a heart warm bout of necrophilia ) and it time for good guy and hero to get it on . in bali . nope and it wasn not at all exciting and the exclamation mark be just there to represent my utter joy at see the credit roll . yes and the final shot of the film be a celebratory surf trip to convey the message that a bit of male bonding have occur and and a chance for any moron that actually enjoy the movie to whoop a few time . that it . this be the first time i have ever post a movie review and but i felt so strongly that somebody must speak out against this scourge of cinematography . if you like plane and snake and samuel l. jackson and air hostess and bad guy and surf and dog in bag or english people and then please and please do not see this movie . it will pollute your opinion of all of the above so far that you will never want to come into contact with any of them ever again . go see united 93 instead . that be good .