there be so many pun to play on the title of the spectacularly bad valentine that i do not know where to begin . i will say this though while here be a movie that make me long for the complexity of the valentine card we use to give out in elementary school . you know and the one with batman exclaim youre a super crime fight valentine . valentine be a slasher movie without the slight hint of irony and one of the few horror movie in recent year that ignore the influence of scream . the villain be omniscient and nigh invulnerable . the hero be easily scar when people run around corner and grab them by the shoulder scream heyijustleftmycoatbehind . the score be more overbear than norman bat mother . the flimsy plot follow several childhood friend and now grow up and extremely curvaceous . since the film give them nothing else to do and they stand around and wait until a masked stalker kill them one by one . this stalker appear to be former nerd jeremy melton and who be constantly reject by woman and beat by men in high school . with valentine day approach and the woman begin receive scary card foretell their doom . melton seem like the obvious suspect . only problem be and a numerous character warns and in thirteen year melton could have change his appearance to look buff and handsome . so ( insert terrify gasp here ) everyone be a suspect . here problem one . in order to have any sense of suspense while watch valentine and you have to accept a reality in which a high school nerd be capable of become david boreanaz . nerd do not turn into angel when they grow up and they turn into old and balder nerd . he not a terrible actor and but the script and by no less than four writer and give him and the rest of the cast nothing to do but scream and make out . denise richards ( the busty actress in hollywood never to star in baywatch ) be especially exploit while most shamefully in the blatant excuse to get her in a bathing suit just before a crucial suspense scene . note to self represent always bring a bathing suit to a valentine day party . just because it february doesn not mean you might not feel like take a little dip . the slasher in valentine dress in head to toe black with a cherub mask . here problem number two . the filmmaker clearly think this would be a disturbing image to have on the head of someone who whack people in the face with hot iron . plain and simple and it not . instead and it just make me wonder how a guy with a mask that cover his entire face and include his eye and ear and can move so stealthily without bump his shin on chair or table . then again and give the thing the cupid killer do and maybe he can teleport and his eye be on his hand . not only be the movie bad and it isn not even sure who the killer be while the final twist be more huh . than hah . when youre not scratch your head youre yawning and then groan and then search for the near exit . do not watch this movie . even if youre alone on valentine day and find something and anything and else to do . you will be glad you do .