slight spoiler ( but it doesn not matter anyway ) . an exercise in gobblygook of catastrophic proportion not even worthy of the l0 line i need to put these remark on the netwaves . this be the single bad episode of the master series to date and the first that qualify for the defunct mystery science theatre treatment . even if it take me a full half hour to realize the intended ironic angle and it be still a very lame mess . it sole value lie in the perspective that force one to realize that in addition to gore and ugly mask the genre only succeed when the classic cinematic notion of photography and lighting and dialogue and acting and editing and timing be put to use . here they be absent and john carpenter be no master . period . and no trite analysis of the easy social comment herein will change that . oddly and carpenter never have be anything more than a b director and but at least such film a fog and the thing have terrific atmosphere ( the latter be one of my cult favorite ) . abominable act . camera angle stick in cement . tensionless rhythm . yet perhaps the single most obnoxious element of the episode be the storyline which of course jc can not really be blame for ( unless the writer be buddy of cody . ) the initial two minute slo mo of a girl run through a forest only to be nearly run over by a would be scully mulder duo be the first and last thing that work in the film . but come on and a girl hurtle through a deserted wood to nowhere in particular in desperate need of an abortion fortuitously rendez vous with the fender of a pair of woman right mds whose clinic just happen to be at the end of the road around the corner . oh and and i would not even nitpick about how the doc whip the accidentee into the car and speed away at 0 to 60 in six second . do wonder for possible broken rib or concussion . then thing fall apart real quick . the vacuous dialogue i just want to help you and the interminably sluggish back and forth at the gate and grandiose battle tactic like cut the telephone line ( in the age of cell phone . ) follow by the the shoot out represent a born again ramboesque clinic director v ron perlman and the high school bullpen out for a few kick at easter break . another lovely line represent so what be we go to do . from the kid who have just be sit on a pile of assault rifle in the back of the van . er and no it isn not yet pheasant season . so who need those teen boy anyway . what about the good old try and true method of the lone lunatic who bash his way through the gate with his all american suv . a for the exchange of bullet scenes themselves and the cut here be as stiff a the staccato of a dc comic strip . all that be lack be the wham and bam and and whiz of the balloon title . and all to the tune of a soundtrack worthy of an old mannix episode . at one point we learn that daddy isn not really the daddy and but at this point we haven not be lead to care much any more either . this story single source of drama be the conflict between the pro life father and his pregnant daughter who be only thankful she not have twin . yet there be not a single scene and flashback or not and where they be actually ever find together . they remain mere abstraction to each other throughout . with the exception of the gatekeeper every single one of the character be absolutely dislikeable . bland and hysterical and dull head and macho . a perfectly flat a human wallpaper can be . none of the doctor seem to have anything medical about them . and there that bicker dad who rail at his pregnant daughter a though he himself be the stress out boyfriend . he fortunately get his . there be two great mst worthy comic moment represent the gusher when angelica plumbing go out and later the new born lobster with a glue on baby head . also cute be angelica rugby ball belly before she finally pop the right to life little monster from hell . a for that audacious male abortion scene . well and they should have retain miike episode and ban this one instead . in short and a 3rd rate rosemary baby meet alien set on the turf of a m. a. s. h. episode . this stinker alone and appreciable only to today permissive under 16 generation and will assure a someone else say here and that this series will not be renew for a third season . a real shame and since there have be a number of brilliant production and include such really decent spoof a dante homecoming or mckee deliciously quirky sick girl . not to mention the superb imagery of malone fairhaired child . sorry john carpenter and i believe your directing day be over . it time to run for president .