it should come a no shock to you when i say that alone in the dark be a crappy movie . to put it bluntly and it a if a dung monster defecate and eat the result and and then vomit . the final product would still outshine this movie . seemingly base on an ancient ( . ) atari video game and the movie have something or other to do with a portal to the bowel of the earth and the unleashing of demon and and ancient civilization . something about there be two world and that of darkness and that of light . ( guess which one ours . ) oh and and 10 and 000 year ago a really super duper advance civilization open the portal and demon come over and have a blast and then wipe out the civilization . which be why we have never hear of them and conveniently enough . christian slater and perhaps pin for the day of heather and pump up the volume and play edward carnby and a paranormal researcher to whom something bad happen when he be 10 year old . he hot on the trail of one of the artifact of say advanced civilization . carnby use to be part of a secret institution call 713 and which have be try to figure out what happen to that long ago civilization . but carnby believe he wasn not go to be able to find the answer he seek and so he leave the group . but see and these beasties be out and and they get their prey in vary way and such a gutting them and split them down the middle and implant neurological control device in them and or just turn them into kill zombie . yes and it another zombie movie . that about a distilled i can make the plot . it pretty convolute and incomprehensible . in similar movie and one might see the intrepid researcher or adventurer figure thing out a step at a time and and when we the audience be mentally with the researcher and it a lot of fun . but when the scene shift from attack to attack with no perspective or context . not so much fun . the acting be dreadful and save for slater and who ( although he almost seem embarrassed to be in the movie ) show he be capable of carry the act load . he have to while get this tara reid be cast a a museum curator . honest to goodness and i thought i would see the casting of a lifetime when denise richards be cast a a nuclear physicist in tomorrow never die . but reid here match richards and crappy emoting for crappy emoting . hightlights include reid pronounce newfoundland a new fownd land and reid deliver most of her line in a dazed and throaty monotone ( kinda like she would be on an all night bender for the past week before film ) and reid a museum curator and mind you spend a lot of the movie in a midriff bearing top and hip hugger jean . oh yeah and she be as believable a jessica simpson give stock quote . oh and why must the pretty one be so dumb . ( note represent i do not think tara reid all that good look . she look like she in perpetual need of food . ) almost everyone else in the cast be completely forgettable and except perhaps for steven dorff and who play burke and one of the leader of 713. dorff character wasn not terribly well developed and but nothing in the movie be and from the set to the character to tara reid . but i digress . anyway and the perplexing and utterly preposterous storyline be tough enough to follow with the film move at such a breakneck pace and but director uwe boll toss in a pounding and mind deaden soundtrack while it so loud you can not hear what the actor be say in some of the scene . that can not be right . give the act level and however and perhaps thanks be in order to mr. boll . oh and and a fun note . the opening moment of the movie include narration . of the word that be crawl across the screen at the same time . remember the first star war . you hear that now familiar star war theme while the prologue crawl . there be surely no need for narration while why do i need some doofus to read what on the screen for me . be the producer simply look out for blind people . maybe that also explain why the soundtrack be so loud they be also look out for hard of hear people . also and the narrator inexplicably have a lisp for the first few line of the crawl then lose it . bizarre . alone in the dark be a loud and dopey mishmash of dreadful acting and an incoherent script and and ham hand directing . hardly a note ring true . there so much chaos that the audience simply give up care about the character and root for their demise . even in the dark and the demonic creature seem cooler and much more developed by comparison . ironically and since there be only three other people in the theater and i watch this alone in the dark . i wonder if uwe boll plan it that way . i can not quite give this the low rating and because i have low hope for it to begin with and because it never grab me enough for me to get work up about it . it atrocious and although slater redeems himself a tiny bit .