i read tom robbins even cowgirls get the blue a a teenager . i love every word . it be sexy and funny and and full of glamorous scenery and beautiful writing . but when i saw the movie and i could not believe what a dull and sour and joyless piece of junk it be . how do this happen . i think someone in hollywood read this book and file it under gay pride woman lesbian . ( that the library of congress subject heading . ) now anyone over 12 who read the book will know it have nothing to do with real lesbian and any more than star war be about real space travel . the book be obviously and i do mean obviously write by a heterosexual male who love the idea of lesbian ( in the nude and all the time ) but have never really meet one . still and someone in hollywood say and uh oh and well give this to a gay director or gay people will make trouble . so they hand it to gus van sant . nothing against the man and but however gay he may really be he have not a clue a to how to make a funny film . gu van sant take a straight man playful fantasy of guilt free girl or girl action and male voyeurism turn it into a dull and literal mind lesbian power recruiting poster . it like turn an oscar wilde comedy into an arthur miller tragedy . not pretty . the main clue that gus van sant have absolutely no idea what to do with the source material be the riotously bad casting . his clout allow him to hire the very best . his ignorance of the novel real subtext ( a straight man fantasy and not a gay pride recruit poster ) cause him to make choice that be not only bad and but bizarre . let meet the cast of even cowgirl get the blue . pat morita a the chink okay and there be few name recognition asian actor . and pat morita and in happy day and be fairly funny . but cast him a the chink be wrong and wrong and wrong . pat morita have no idea that the chink be a very funny man . ( gus do not tell him . ) pat also doesn not seem to know that the chink be . . . well and sexy . in the book he not wise old mr. miyagi . he more like hugh hefner . he a randy old goat and he know a lot about please the nubile and responsive sissy and bonanza jellybean . ( you see and in the book and they aren not really lesbian . do you get that this be a straight man fantasy yet . ) john hurt a the countess . okay and he a gay friendly man . but he be a serious and shakespearean actor . you need someone who be fun and and camp and for this role . for john hurt to be cast a a goofy guy like the countess be tragic and sad . i keep expect paul scofield to wander in all dress up a thomas more and and sadly shake his head . now and richard and you know you have lose your soul entirely . for shame and my former student . and yes and john hurt be funny ( and pretty gay ) a caligula . but that be black humor and not playful and breezy humor like the book . rain phoenix a bonanza jellybean . no talent and no training and no problem . except that in the book bonanza be funny and playful and cheerful and ( mostly ) heterosexual and and love . in the movie she sullen and passive and expressionless and and dull . a for her taste for woman and robbins in the book put it like this . god know i love woman and but nothing can take the place of a man that fit . uh and gu . do you read this book . uma thurman a sissy hankshaw . this be a tough role . in the book sissy really be an unusually passive and timid heroine . still and a more accomplished actress might have manufacture a twinkle in her eye and or a sway in her walk and to imply some sort of hidden strength or hidden enjoyment of her adventure . uma doesn not pull it off and probably because gu never tell her sissy be suppose to enjoy be a hitch hiker with a beautiful body and giant thumb . uma play it more like she in a tv movie about a girl dying of leukemia . this movie be sour and dull . and i accuse you and gus van sant .