i usually start by relay the premise of the film and but before anyone make any hasty judgment about my review and let me preface it by say that i be someone who like most film ( just check my other review ) . alone in the dark be a film by director uwe boll and whose film right before this one be house of the dead ( 2003 ) . like alone in the dark and it be also a film adaptation of a video game . almost everyone hat it . well and i love it . i even give it a positive . my point in state this ( which will surely turn some reader off immediately ) be that if even i hat alone in the dark and there must be something wrong with it . the premise represent who be i kidding . attempt to state a premise for this film be about as easy a try to balance the united state budget and but here it go anyway . some archaeologist discover evidence of some lost american indian tribe . the indian tribe apparently have discover some mean of broach the second world and which be evil in nature . the bad stuff wipe them out and but not before they could lock the door to the evil world and throw away the key . later and some scientist or government researcher who have be experiment with the paranormal and and specifically this tribe and decide to experiment on some kid and to try to produce some kind of hybrid with the second world . ( believe it or not everything up to this point and then some be tell to u in a write prologue to the film it just white text scrolling across a black screen with a voice over also read it to u ) . then and there be something about the kid be in an orphanage and but the government take them back out and and then a bunch of people be search for archaeological relic and and there be super human roam around and and a bunch of military people be call in and on and on . in fact and the exposition never really stop . it like a neverending backstory from hell . there be enough idea here to fill at least 10 film and maybe 25. but not one of them be present in a coherent way to create one good film . in addition to the mystical lost indian tribe and the superhumans and we also get monster that resemble a cross between alien and a werewolf and worm that invade your body and turn into snake like alien and tunnel worm underground and zombie and starship trooper like war and evil scientist and underground lair and gold mine and spooky warehouse and impalement and big mostly unused museum and government conspiracy and golden trunk pull out of the sea and nun and explosion and complex backstabbing plot and a very ambiguous romance and car chase and home invasion and kitchen sink . . . wait and i can not remember if that last one be in the film . even more amazingly ( amusingly . ) and in fangoria # 240 and producer shawn williamson be quote a say and be spend much more time on story and be very meticulous about that . tara reid call alone in the dark a smarter film . let me not mislead anyone . a lot of that stuff above might sound yummy to the potential audience for this film and but the problem be that nothing have the slight connection to anything else . i usually have no idea what any set relation be to any other setting and why we be there and or what anyone be do ( at least when each scene begin ) . it just a random mishmash of setting and clichés and a if director uwe boll have 250 unrelated idea in a hat and pull them out like lottery number . then when he be do and he and editor richard schwadel decide to cut the film by use dice and then reassemble it by throw the i ching . sometimes the film play like an extended director reel ( which be a combination of short and varied and unrelated scene that director circulate to try to get work ) and but perhaps that be too generous . i be not sure boll would get work if this be his reel . just a i tend to at least like most film and i tend to like most actor and most performance . it very rare that i say that a performance be bad . well and tara reid be bad here and i be someone who usually like reid . i do not know what happen . for a large percentage of the film and they just move her around the set like a prop . they might as well have just buy a blow up doll . that would have save them money that they could have use for some cgi ghost and vampire in castle and graveyard setting . maybe they choose to move her around like a pretty piece of driftwood after they saw the daily of her mumbling nonsense dialogue in a monotone that usually reserve for entertain mother in law . and speaking of that dialogue and a lot of alone in the dark play like a godzilla film without godzilla . by that and i mean that it a lot of pseudo scientific gobbledy gook . at least in godzilla film and there a campiness to it and because they know how ridiculous it be and and there a big payoff in that we get to see godzilla destroy downtown and battle a giant gnat with radioactive death beam shoot from it eye or something . just what stephen dorff and christian slater be do here and besides overact and file lawsuit against their agent and be difficult to say . i can not say that i think anyone in the film have a decent performance and although maybe slater at least saw the cigar . i think that unprecedented for me . still and i do not give this film a 1. there be some competent cinematography and even if boll and schwadel make mincemeat out of it and and the hard rock tune over the end credit be good . heck and even the novelette prologue wasn not so bad . i actually think the film have promise at that point . but this may just be the bad film i have ever see with a budget of 20 million or more .