i know it wasn not gunna work out between me and d war from the moment we meet . first it title be lazy . d war . like write out dragon be too much for them . also . you really can not be that blatant with your title unless your blue monkey . blue monkey can do whatever the hell it want . the second sign of a rocky relationship between u be the story insane progression . here the film and dreamy reporter guy report on big snake track and flash back to a time he and dad wander into what must have be the competition for the store in gremlin and dreamy kid reporter find a box that glow . old shop keep reveals several terrible truth . that bauraki a supposedly evil snake be cheat out of his chance to be a god . tell the kid that he a reincarnated warrior and that somewhere in la be his reincarnated lover and give him a junk piece of jewelry . shop keep also reveal that despite his obvious whiteness he a 500 year old asian . fifteen year later dreamy reporter remembers this perfectly and start act half crazy try to find this random girl . cgi hijinks follow and in the last ten minute my brain melt out of my nose . why . continue on dear reader if you have the ball . so sarah and the reincarnate lover and have her own flashback . i have the benefit of have an asian best friend and in the scene where she start to freak out and make a bunch of poster with asian character on them he tell me that whoever make this movie have no idea what their do . it a korean legend and she reincarnate from a korean princess but everything be in chinese . later that night her dragon tat start to hurt and she call the police cause it look like she have a heart attack . see and in this mixed up crazy world they apparently handle heart attack differently because the next time we see her she lock in her room with a guard outside and a nurse claim she crazy . i have a new phobia now and and it that if i be ever in trouble the first responder will just assume i be crazy . i have another point of contention with my harsh mistress and dwar . there be a scene when patrick dempsey jr ( dreamy reporter ) be in a café with sassy black friend . in the scene prior miff near divinity bauraki have kill an elephant and slither through a suburb and kill one of sarah friend . see and people be afraid to come out after 9 11 happen but we must have all toughen up after that decide coffee and pastry be worth risk our life for . business a usual and no way a giant snake will stop me from get my caffeine on . if i stay inside and fear for my life the terrorist and serpentine divinity win . after be give a satisfy dragon on helicopter battle my cruel lover dwar treat me to a pi $ $ and vinegar fill scene to end it all with . bauraki have a fortress of his own and it right under la i guess . they do not really say but dreamy reporter and sarah get knock out in a car crash that would kill less men and when they wake up and yep dragon palace . some retard dialog later a good dragon snake god pop out of nowhere and the snake wrestle or make love whatever . and i be not kid good snake out of nowhere . maybe you think i be blow it out of proportion and i be not there be no mention of this thing in the movie then suddenly . there . few second later and good dragon become dragon god and set baurki on fire and sarah turn into a ghost and go with dragon god and dreamy reporter leave in the middle of nowhere roll credit . thank godnow our relationship as rocky a it be have it good time . there be a guy that look like shredder from turtle and talk exactly like a tuskan raider from star war . i will call him tuskan shredder . he could do whatever he want whenever he want to it just could never be useful . he could walk through a wall in a scene where that wasn not helpful . he could go in your dream when that wouldn not do any good and he could light ten random soldier guy on fire but not when it matter . he be also allergic to touch that junk jewelry . i like him cause he be hit by a car twice in the same scene and make fantastic tuskan raider noise . the actor for the most part be great . if great somehow meant terrible . jason behr and whom i think be awesome in roswell i slowly find out can only act one way and that pretentious and spacey and patrick dempseyish . the one thing i love about this filthy prostitute dwars be it lead actor and bauraki . that giant snake act his heart out . i would dare to say that he be good at play a cgi serpentine demi god of evil then john barrymore be at play richard the iii or hamlet . there be emotion in every scene and steal the thunder from his less mortal support cast . when he eat an elephant i felt like no one past and present or future would ever eat an elephant with as much feeling . he be more then an actor and he be a force of nature and he put his heart and soul into every second of this cursed project . yes damn it and my favorite actor in this film be a cgi snake . i have get the ball to admit that and do you . here to hop bauraki get more work and isn not type cast and that jason behr find a range of emotion other then dreamy stare and and that i never have to watch blue monkey again . so and d war it over . i want my cd back and let just be friend .