Bitter Tyranny variety. Dear Tea, like all Americans who love justice and freedom, I hate you. But I understand you're quite popular in the UK, where the East India Company would periodically go to war for you. But what fascinates me about you, Tea, I mean aside from the fact that people choose to drink you when there are great American refreshments available like Mountain Dew, is that even though you're stereotypically English, you're not English. It's Chinese or Burmese or Indian, no one really knows, but it's definitely not English. You didn't even have tea until like the 1660s, posers. Best wishes, John Green.