It's as if you're some kind of handsome Martin Van Buren. You are a man of immense accomplishments, but those accomplishments have been richly rewarded. I mean, you have a country named after you. Not to mention two different currencies. But for my purposes, the most important thing you ever did was die. You may not know this, Simón Bolívar, but when I am not a world history teacher sitting next to a fake fireplace, I am a novelist. And your last words, Dammit, how will I ever get out of this labyrinth, feature prominently in my first novel, Looking for Alaska.