(07/22/98)["Love Blooms and I am healing."]  I am at a conference with the other counselors from work.  Tyler is seated near me. We chat. I am rooming with Phyllis. We are going to cross the street to wade in the ocean. As we start to cross, cars race past nearly hitting us. Phyllis is scared and refuses to try and cross the street again. I look to my right and see two curved streets coming into our street. I step forward out into the street to see more clearly. I see a clearing and run across the street calling to Phyllis to follow. She does. We get to the sand and walk to the ocean edge. I see large chunks of broken ice floating in the water. I am surprised. That will be cold!! We walk along the edge. Then I look again and see that there is a long series of shower curtains pulled closed at the water's edge. We can't see the ocean. Now I return to the conference. Time to do some sort of project. I take a poem of mine to share. I try to etch it on glass. It is not working right. I try to find the room in the basement where this meeting is being held and I am getting lost. I finally find it. Now, I am in a house. It is big with lots of rooms. I have returned from the conference with the counselors. I am unpacking. Cherie is there to help. I see that my bookcase is still gone and a few other things. They aren't put back from unpacking. I walk out to the living room from my bedroom (which has glass French doors). I am glad to be home. Apparently my mother isn't back from work yet. The place is quiet. I like that. I walk into the kitchen. Now I see my mother driving into the house. I wonder how she managed that. I guess she made  the front door accessible for the car. She stops at the door to the next room and pushes an automatic door opener button. The door opens and she drives through. I don't remember having that before. Jerome comes in. He is friendly and chatting about the conference we were at. I am surprised but pleased he is so friendly. We laugh about some amusing incidents at the conference. He asks to see my project pictures from the conference. I go to a loft area and jump up there to get the pictures. With great ease, I get back down by holding on to the edge with my hands and easily letting myself down with only a short drop to the floor. I am surprised and happy to see I can do this. I walk, noticing how comfortable it is. I am in the kitchen with Jerome leaning on the counter. I show him the pictures. He touches me in a supporting friendly way, his hand on my arm or shoulder. I enjoy this. He likes the pictures and we continue talking. I see a large dark horse walking through the house. Jerome opens the refrigerator to find ice cream. He hands me a gallon container with multi colored ice cream called "something Mateo." He gets another container out and we eat right out of the containers laughing and talking. I feel very happy. I share with him some stories from the conference, things that happened, like when Phyllis and I tried to cross the street and the cars kept racing by. He is kind and supportive, more frequently standing very close to me and touching me in a friendly way. It is pleasurable. He sits on the floor and I slide down the wall and sit with him, commenting that it feels wonderful to be able to do this again. I tell him that lately I've been feeling better and stronger. I see my reflection in a glass and I see my hands. I rub them together. I say I sure hope this means I'm healing. But I've been here before. We'll see. He smiles at me. Now I see the dark horse again. Jerome and I decide I will ride him. Jerome helps me get on his bare back. We walk to the front door. As the horse is walking down the steps I slide up his neck precariously. Jerome steadies me and tells me to sit back near his back shoulders. I do and it is now comfortable and safe. We walk through a field where I see two tractors with hay mowing attachments racing each other. Jerome hops on the back of the horse behind me. It feels very good to have his arms around me, holding me securely. I am aware that we are sexually attracted to each other. I am also aware he is married. We ride for awhile. Then we get off the horse and kiss. It is sexually exciting. He pulls back, saying. I can't. My wife. I say I know. You have to leave. We kiss one more time.