(11/07/97)["Opps. You didn't mean me."]  I am lying in a bed. Another woman, my "daughter" is in the next one. It is in the middle of the night. I am tired but awake. I move the sheer curtains a bit to see the outside. It is raining hard. It looks a bit like M City out there. I say to my daughter, I love to watch the rain when I'm inside and warm and dry. I hear my "husband" George of Seinfeld coming tiptoeing into the house. He has brought several drunk women with him. One I know and another is the band singer from the lounge they were at and some of her children. Young teen girls. This is the last straw. I see George peeking around the door nervously checking to see if their giggles and drunk stumbling around has awakened me. I call him in and he lies down at the foot of the bed like a naughty puppy. I say this is it. I'm through. He groans, no. I say yes. This is no good. I'm not good for you and you're not good for me. We hurt each other. He begs with me. He holds out an old Mexican blouse, embroidered, I got from a trip to Mexico. He wants me to wear it so I'll be warmer but I say no. It doesn't fit me anymore. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. It would, in fact, make it worse. He is very sad. Now the bad singer is in my room and seated at the piano playing. I sigh. I say please don't. I need to sleep. Then one of the girls is introduced to me. Her father is some beginning charter member of a charity organization. I am out of bed and standing by now. I commiserate with the band singer about her tough lifestyle. Then she says she is going to make a big contribution to the charity in the name of Mary Ellen. I am surprised. That is my name and I begin to demure. Then the girl speaks and I realize she is the Mary Ellen they are talking about. I am embarrassed and back away abit. Now we are someplace else. We stand in front of a full refrigerator. I see the doors are open and I say the photo would look good here with the full refrigerator. After all the charity is giving hungry people food. I stay on the outer edges of the group and watch. I feel embarrassed.