(01/08/00)["Take care of yourself!."] I am at some group event, like a conference or retreat. I arrive and my things are very messed up. The children have been into my suitcases. I see my camera out of its case, and papers messed up and so on. I sigh. I try and put things back together. Now the next event is beginning. We are gathering to go down a path near a river. A woman counselor comes over to talk with me. I am distracted with gathering up my things. She challenges me to let go of that task and really pay attention. I acknowledge that that is a good thing to do, but I have trouble doing it. She asks me what I felt when the children had messed up all my things. I (as I continue packing) say I know you want me to get in touch with my feelings and that would be a good thing to do, but I am busy. I am also aware that I am deliberately distracting myself so I don't do the emotional work. Now I am going to walk up a dirt path, uphill. I agree with the counselor that I have options. I can ask for help. I practice calling out. I need help. Then I realize I could have asked someone to come with me and help me, before the problem arose. I walk up the hill, with no help, thinking about things I could have done to have help. The counselor tells me a plane will come to the river and asks if I will be afraid if this happens. I say no, I'd love to take that side trip and be in the plane. But I've got to go now. There's not enough time. She smiles at me. I decide I will examine all the people pictures and this will help me put together the messing up incident better. This will help me understand how I am avoiding feeling my feelings at the moment. But I am interrupted by children wanting to see the pictures, and a man who is getting physically close to me because I am wearing a swimming suit and am looking good in it. He is attracted to me. I am surrounded by all these people distracting me. I gently try to keep the pictures in my possession, but the kids keep picking them up and looking at them. I can't concentrate on what the pictures are showing me.