(09/21/99)["Sebastian dies."] I am in some large motel room lying on a couch. I am grieving deeply because Nate has died. A woman stands nearby to help me if I need it. I gaze around the room and wonder why I have paid for such a large room, since I simply use the couch. I then remember all accessible rooms are the large ones. Too bad. A waste of money and space. I realize I shall have to deal with Sebastian's wife and feel embarrassed or guilty. An unpleasant but inevitable duty. She will be upset I had an affair with Sebastian. I continue feeling overwhelmed with grief.