HICKMANS are on a trip and call me to tell me that they will not be coming home as planned; they had some major reversal (or news of a terminal illness), so they will take their time coming here.... I must not tell anyone; I agonize when we get a phone call for Polly and I hear Brenda TALKING TO HER, TELLING HER THEY WILL BE DELAYED ONE DAY IN DRIVING HOME. We walk thru their apartment; I see their bedroom and a pillow with an indentation from someone's head. I hear someone say that the Hickmans really knew how to live.... We look at the gilt-framed paintings on the wall. I feel weighted down with a terrible knowledge of their intended suicide... I hope against hope they will not do it, but the next day there is the news of a terrible car accident, no survivors.... I need to keep the secret. (Heavy feeling of guilt throughout.)