(04/30/97)["Howard says No."] I am in a huge house, where I the children and Howard live. There are many rooms that I never go into. We just don't use them. We are cleaning up and packing, apparently to move or to get ready for the new business to move in and use some of the space. Howard is coming down the stairs and I am going up the stairs, each of us have a pile of clothes and things in our arms. I begin to think about us getting back together again. It seems friendly enough, maybe we could make it happen this time. We smile at each other as we work together to organize and clean this big house. Later, I say to him, I've been thinking, maybe, I mean, I know it would be impossible, but maybe we could reconcile and be together again. He smiles gently and says no. I defensively say well, I know it's no, but I was just thinking about it. I remember thinking to myself just before I said anything that I can't believe I'm saying this. I shouldn't be saying this, because then maybe it would happen.