(01/05/98)["Rape and Kill."]  I am in my bedroom. I get up and go into the bathroom. Carlos comes in with the intent to rape me. He grabs me and I struggle. I shove him away and escape into the living room. He now has a gun. I call 911. I can barely see and my movements are slow motion. I try to remember my address. I finally remember 2nd and Elm. It's like my memory is going. Then I remember 2127. Carlos is approaching and I start to duck and hide in the computer room. There is a blue mat standing on its side. I hide behind that. Carlos is near. I grab the gun. He wounds me. I now have the gun and Carlos is lying on the ground. And still trying to hurt me. I finally shoot him in the shoulder. Now I feel angry and righteous. I have the right to kill him. I feel some restraint of compassion but it is small compared to the desire to kill him. I shoot him three more times in unvital areas. Finally, the police arrive, but it now looks like I am the aggressor and they want to arrest me. Carlos grins and tells them I tried to seduce him and then attacked him. I am furious.