The Condom Captain  I'm on a big white boat. The captain has steered us into a dead-end area where the water is blocked by ice, snow, or land. A male worker on the boat talks to us passengers, saying that the boat won't be turned around unless someone gives him or the captain a small condom. Several people make comments or have condoms. One man, who may be my friend Reed Maxwell, says he as an extra-large condom. I have lots of condoms, I know, in a drawer under my bed. I have one condom with me that I unwrap: it is small. The boat eventually backs out of the dead end. It spins in circles, with the propeller turned 90 degrees. The prop hits rocks, weeds, and the bottom. We spin around the long, narrow inlet. It doesn't seem like we're making it out too fast.