I am crying. I'm in an apartment. I am talking to my counselor. He is very sympathetic. As we talk, I feel sad because I want him to be my friend, not just my counselor. I think I'm very sad about Howard and other relationships. Anyway, the counselor (who looks like Dr. X), tells me he's married. Then he shows me pictures of some friends of his. Blake is one. I exclaim, "Oh! I know him." Them I see a picture of Darryl. I am amazed. I ask, "Is he your friend too? I know him well. He and I were going to be married, only I married Howard." Dr. X says, "Oh! Darryl is my boss." I exclaim, "Your boss! What does he do?" "Oh," says Dr. X, "he fixes cars and he's very good. He fixes foreign cars." I am amazed and have pleasant nostalgia feelings about Darryl and I feel sad because I've lost him. Then a woman comes in. She's crying. She's Dr. X's friend. She has terminal cancer. She has come in to help me understand. She says, "It's a good thing Dr. X is single so they can be friends." It's l:30 a.m. My mother calls. She says that the doctors say Aunt Charlotte is going to have a "specific exam." "What can that mean?" She doesn't like it. I say, "Well, of course she'll have a specific exam if she's got cancer." My mother says, "Shut up," and hangs up on me. I feel badly for 2 reasons. I said the word cancer in front of this lady who is dying of it, and I was too open, non-caring and insensitive with my mother. I hurt her feelings and wasn't helpful. The woman cries. There's now another woman and a daughter, maybe 13 years old or so. Dr. X assists her to calm down. I am sitting on a cot. The woman lays down on the cot and Dr. X starts undressing her. He talks soothingly as he takes off her corset and girdle and other layers of underwear. She lays there crying slightly. The 13 year old takes off her clothes and lays down beside the woman. The girl pinches her pretty young half-grown breast. Her mom takes her hand away and says, "You did it too deep." Dr.X says, "See, it's like this." He palpates the woman's breast, looking for bumps. "I don't feel one here," he says. I see scars and wrinkles on the woman's body. I get up to leave. I want to stay but I must go home to see if my mother's alright. I still feel badly about my insensitivity. I get in the car and drive. I get lost. I'm tired and sleepy. I realize that I'm running away from the warm and sexy feelings back at the apartment. I accidentally turn onto a railroad track. A train is coming up behind me. I duck off the tracks, just in time. An older man looks at me. I say, "Guess I took the wrong turn." He shrugs. I ask, "What do you think my chances are to go back the way I came?" He said, "Late at night they don't come as often, so you might make it." Then he asks if I think my car can make it up the hilly pasture. I decide to try it, feeling unsure. I feel an urgency to get back to the apartment. I berate myself for leaving. It's just like me to run from a good thing. I go back. Dr. X is still there. I take off my clothes and get in bed with him. He says, "You left before we could explain that what we did was a demonstration of a man being a friend to a woman." I want to make love to him. He's all skinny and shivering from the cold. He looks blue or greenish and clutches the covers around him. I grab him and at first it appears that I'm trying to put his whole body in my vagina, head first. I'm saying, "Get in there." I then see that I'm trying to help him back in bed as he's slipped out. He has a comic look of dismay on his face. I feel angry. Then Dr. X leaves. I've discovered that he's not really a counselor but an excellent con artist who is good enough to be a counselor but does it for kicks. He hears crying in a room as he passes. He peeks in. A fat woman is crying. There are 4 women nearly naked. Dr. X (now looks like Peter O'Toole), looks interested in the situation. He very soothingly goes to the women and starts counseling them. As he subtly gains their confidence, he edges into the bed with them and lays his head on the pillow which is the huge bra of the fat woman. He smiles like a Cheshire cat. His arms are behind his head and one knee is crossed over the other, very relaxed and happy. The women cry out that a man had offered to make love to them and they'd just found out he was a fairy. Now they won't be able to have babies, which is why they were going to all this work of making love. He was "balling them blind" and he lied! They've been had and used. Dr. X smiles because he's got the answer and he'll love every minute of it.