(10/22/98)["Betrayal and Contradiction"]  I am a guest of an Asian woman and her family. I am seeking a job as a school principle. I walk to the school. I walk across a raised wooden platform sidewalk. A man like Derek, only not disabled,  is on the hiring committee. In the middle of the interview, "Derek" decides he wants the job and tells the committee lies about me. I lose the job and sadly walk back to the woman's house. She is making a bed. I help her smooth out the sheets. I realize I am working harder here helping her than if I'd stayed home. I feel tired. A man, balding, with long scraggly hair. He's overweight and not good looking. He wants to date me. I turn him down, packing to go home, feeling betrayed. I can't understand how "Derek" could have betrayed me. I look out a wall of windows and see him coming toward me.  He hesitates, looking at me questioningly. I hesitate and then smile at him. He then comes in and I kiss him on the cheek. We talk. Then as we talk I realize this is not ok and I walk back across the wooden platform to the school. He comes with me. I tell him I don't really want this job. I am a valley girl. I don't like M City. Too isolating. No one here I'd want to have a relationship with. Then I tell him I didn't like what he did to me and I'm taking the job. He pulls out a large pistol (silver) and we struggle over it. Sometimes he's trying to kill me. Sometimes he's trying to kill himself. I get the gun from him. The other man that is attracted to me is here as well, watching me, wanting to be with me.