(12/01/01)["I don't listen."] I am in a church. I am a part of a group that are all dressed up in formal wear. We are lined up to walk up to the pulpit and be formally accepted. I am the first one of the group, so the Minister begins to talk to me. He signs my name Barb Sanders on the paper but he totally ignores the others. I feel embarrassed. They are upset. The Minister gets all tongue tied and says half finished sentences and says wrong words that don't make sense. He feels embarrassed because it is awkward, not smooth.. Finally he's done talking and we go sit in the pews. It all feels unfinished. Now I sit next to a man in a lovely cream colored suit. He seems to like me and me him. He's trying to become acquainted. A woman stands up in front to talk. Her mother is embarrassed. The woman has a thick roll of paper with her. Life sized. Then as she lectures, she stands on the chalk tray of the blackboard just behind the Minister's pulpit which faces perpendicular to the audience. She puts the unrolled paper taped to the blackboard. Then she stands against it like she is a living part of it. She swings out toward he audience like turning the page. As she swings back and forth, she is erasing the blackboard itself to where it is see through glass. A couple of men with video cameras go into the room off the church area and film us through the clear glass. As she stands and moves on the chalk tray, it bulges and buckles. She gets down and walks near me. She's going to return up there and I warn her of what I saw. She doesn't heed my warning. Now I'm at home and seated on the couch. The phone rings. It's a dreamer for the Nightmare Hotline. She talks and then I interrupt her and hang up, expecting her to understand she is supposed to call again. She does. And I interrupt her again and hang up. I feel badly. I am doing this wrong. I should explain the procedure to her and listen to her. The phone rings again. He said his name but I didn't hear it. I recognize his voice. He wants us to have a date. He is intense and somehow sad and negative, already worried I won't like him. He wants to go to a swimming spa and sit in the hot water and be close and intimate as we talk. I ask him to give me directions to the spa. He sighs sadly. He can't figure out how to explain the directions. By now I have the feeling he's a "stray kitten." I am losing interest, just as he was afraid I would.