(08/21/99)["Angry at Howard in a new house."] I am in a small two bedroom house. I am aware that Howard still lives with me and I wonder where's he been sleeping all this time. I guess he stays in what used to be Charla's bedroom. I remember it has been years since we've had sex. I am not interested in having sex with him. Now there is a 7 or 8 year old boy, and Charla at that age. We walk outside. The boy must be Howard's son. I am getting into a car and I see Charla fall over backwards, hitting her head badly. Howard is standing there right by her and hardly notices, much less doing anything that could help her. I am furious at him. I get out of the car and pick Charla up, soothing her. I examine the head wound and worry she might get a concussion. Now I sit in the backseat with the two children on my lap. We are talking, pleasantly. We drive to a house we are looking at to possibly move into. We have a real estate agent, a man, who is showing us what's in our price range which is roomy and spacious. We walk in and indeed there are lots of rooms, three stories, and the rooms are large. But the paint is peeling, the colors faded and ugly. The house is old and dilapidated. I realize I'd walked up several flights of stairs. I think maybe that will be too tiring to do all the time if I lived here. There would be lots of work to do. Then I think, why am I moving in with Howard? I don't want to.