(08/14/00)["Abusing Charla, Howard is mean and I win the boat race."] I am in a house and Charla is being uncooperative. Refusing to help me. I am very out of control angry at her. I slap her repeatedly in her face and shove her around while yelling at her to help me. She just gets worse. I feel helpless rage at her. I also feel tremendous guilt for being so abusive to her. I want to apologize and get her forgiveness. Then Howard is there and I realize we are moving immediately. He is leaving now and I will follow after I sell the house, get things packed up and drive the moving van there myself. He climbs to the top of a ladder. I follow him berating him for leaving me with these impossible tasks. I tell him I can't drive a big truck. It doesn't have power steering or automatic transmission. I say I don't know how to sell a house. He just smiles and keeps walking away from me. Then I realize he means we will move to New York City. I am appalled. That's too big and scary for me. How will I manage it alone? He then jokingly takes off a 1950's petticoat and scrambles down off the ladder, leaving me at the top precariously trying to get down by myself. I get down and am on a wharf or boardwalk. I see a woman in a speedboat racing. In the water. I watch as she tries to make fast turns into wooden gates. Because she is moving so fast, every small movement she makes on the wheel makes the ride jerky. She is an amateur. I get in a boat and race her. Now the boats are like cards and I slide over other cards in the water. I dangerously take the risky way by skirting the edge of the deep water where only half my boat is actually on water. The other side hangs over an edge. I duck and speed around the other cards, sometimes right over them. We are neck and neck. I win by a nose. She pulls out a score card. Her mileage is 1 10th of a mile more than mine which indicates I lost. But I know I won and remember that I started the race a bit after her from a different place which is why the mileage looks like I lost.