I am told that Howard has made love to young boys and molested some girls. There are some feelings that my father has too. I (or my mother) ask him, "Do you know anything about this?" He is annoyed with me that I would ask and changes the subject by asking me a question. I don't know the answer and he is actively disappointed in me. I feel betrayed when I realize this is an avoidance tactic. I lay down on the ground next to a mushroom growing and I knock it over. I sit up and see what looks like an erect penis laying beside my head, little roots still on it. It looks painful being ripped out of the ground like that.