There was going to be a big family party.  My "mother" kept giving me chores to do- hold a seat or go talk to the Grandmas...I was miserable, feeling used and taken for granted, and that things were unfair. My younger cousins Lonna and Alice and some other people were off playing in the Discovery Zone crawl tubes.  I started walking away from the play area and went off to the left, which looked like a department store.  I ran into my boyfriend Jeremy's brother Jeff and his boss Duncan as they were coming/going to the party, and I grew even more resentful.  Somewhere amongst a couple racks of clothing I tried punching a man in the groin.  I pinned and straddled him and was trying to punch him repeatedly- I don't know why I was so angry with him.  I got even madder as my punches were weak and not hurting him.  I was stopped and given another chore.  I went to the bathroom to try and calm down.  Somehow it was my friend Deanna's bathroom even though it was our house.  The soap pump was interesting- it had a long tube running to a small sort of barrel in the corner.  It was getting low, so I filled it.  The soap was a raspberry-colored powder.  Moo toilet paper.   I left the bathroom and went and sat in the living room.  Dolly Parton (supposed to be an Aunt?) started singing "And I Will Always Love You."  A blonde girl to my left who I didn't recognize started singing along.  I got off the couch and saw quite a few pictures of my brother Stuart on the wall.  Something else to resent- they love him more than me.  In the right corner by that wall were some rodents.  At some point they got startled.  My boyfriend Jeremy came into the room with another boy- perhaps a distant cousin.  Jeremy seemed to play the role of brother more than boyfriend, and I think I had a crush on this other boy- for some reason it was extremely important to me what this other boy thought of me, and I wanted him to like me.  Jeremy was sort of showing him around the place, so I followed them.  We walked off to the right past Dolly and the doorway led outside.  There was a blue mat walkway where we had arranged some sort of parade, skits or a movie acted out by some African American men.  The event was for my grandparents, though I don't know why, and it seemed odd the group we had gotten to perform.  They seemed like a streetwise group, not theatrical performers who would ever even consider the parade.  We passed and Jeremy took the boy to see my room- which I shared with my 'younger sister'.  The entire room was lavender, quite small (especially considering we were rich).  The boy made some comparison between me and my paternal Grandma Fay about the tackiness of the color and said, "you lose".  I tried to hit him, again failing, and left.  I went to the matted road.  To the left were grassy hills with homes on them, and I looked up to a backyard where there were torch lights and people dancing.  I stood in the middle of the mats despite the onlookers.  The boy walked by me from the left and I tried grabbing at him angrily, and walked away.  Later my "mother" was lounging at the tennis courts and asked me to come sit by her.  I knew this meant getting reprimanded for my behavior and I didn't want it.  I walked by on the other side of the fence and said I would, lying, to prevent getting yelled at or coerced further.  I was trying to find a way out, somewhere to be alone, but people were everywhere.  On the tennis court, off in front of me, I turned left and passed by the pool.  I dismissed the idea of drowning.  Behind me, on the tennis courts where my "mother" was, I heard the boy I cared about making a commotion.  I could tell he was trying to draw attention to bring me over there, so he could apologize for his comment.  I very briefly considered it, but I was too hurt and continued walking.  I went back inside to my father's liquor cabinet.  I got the bottle of his most expensive whisky and was going to use it to burn..I don't know if I was trying to burn myself to death or just be destructive...that part of the dream didn't really happen.  At some point later my father had found out and came in.  He leaned on the table and, upset, confronted me.  "What should I think of this?!"  I shot back, "Think of it as a memorial of your daughter, Dad.  Don't you get it?  I mean, the party was...torture.  But inside, I've been dead for a long time."  I went into a small room off to the side of the bar area and sat on the floor.  My aquarium of pet fish was across the way.  I wrote up a small note with a picture of a shell and the name "Henkly".  It was in response to the chores I had been given for the party, degradingly created with pictures.  It meant I wanted the small plastic shell in the aquarium moved to the left side of the tank, near Henkly, my favorite goldfish.  This was my last request, and the only note I would leave before killing myself.  I felt so miserable and depressed throughout the entire dream.