I was taking a nap before I went to my new psychiatrist (in addition to Dr. X). I was awakened by Thea. She wanted to talk. I said, "No, I haven't got the time." I started to try to find my clothes to get dressed. Howard walked in. I was naked, looking for my underpants in my suitcase. There was lots of junk in there but I couldn't find the right pair of undies. I was nervous, trying to talk to Howard. I asked him why he was here. Thea left. He said he wanted to talk. I said, "Uh huh! I can tell you want to get back together again." I was struggling with my undies (with holes in them and bras). He said, "Ya." His marriage isn't good. She tells him to be at this meeting and get ready for that party. I said, "Oh, I get it. You want me back because I didn't tell you what to do. No, I was too passive to speak up. You want that back." He reached for me and I pushed him away. "I've got to get ready." He was telling me how rich he was now, and I was thinking that means I'd be near the kids again and I'd like that. I said, "I'd really like to talk without us being angry about the kids. I want to be with them more." He pulled me down on the bed and wrapped his arms around me. He felt warm and I was aware of my soft skin. I layed still, like a rabbit, caught. Part of me wanted to relax and like him, the rest of me was angry at him. He would never change, he would never really hear me. I pretended to go to sleep. He gently picked me up and rotated me across him to the other side of the bed and layed around me softly. Then he gently picked me up and layed me on the floor. I let all this happen, aware of the softness of skin, warmth, and some anger because he was manipulating me. He'd like to make love to me on the floor. I "woke" up and got my clothes. He had music going on the stereo. It annoyed me and made me nervous. I went to turn it off, but I couldn't. I turned all the buttons but it wouldn't stop. I then realize it was the radio on the other side of the room. I yell at him to turn it off (a helpless anger). He laughed and then did so. I looked for my clothes. The girls came in. I really was happy to see them. I felt in a time bind. I said, "I could cancel my appointment," but then decided not to. I asked Howard, "How long will you be here because I'll be gone until 4:00." He said, "Until 6:00," looked at me, smiled and said, "Until 9:00." I said, "Oh, good. I mean, I really want to see the girls." I was vaguely aware that I was also wanting to see him. I started to leave. I explained to the girls, "I'll be back soon." They walked with me. Then I couldn't remember where the psychiatrist was. I looked for his address. I finally found it. I left. I looked for the van. I couldn't find it. I finally spotted it and then couldn't find the door to get in it. I got into the van. Thea and Jared came out. I told them, "Howard and the girls are at home." They'd probably like to visit (they are my neighbors). Then I tryed to get into the van, only it was a drawer that goes into a hospital bed. I took off my shirt and felt naked with Jared there. I looked for the hospital gown. I felt nervous. Then Jared said, "Why don't we drive you to your appt?" I sighed with relief and knowing I could do it myself easier, I agree. Then we were in the elks. They said goodbye to some drunks at their table and then we started to go to their car.