(10/25/98)["Servant And Love"]  I am a servant in a rich home in the 19th century. My job is to take care of the young girl, who is like Charla. The girl is very difficult to manage. She is angry and violent, striking out at me, trying to hurt me. I carry her in my arms as she struggles against me. She grabs at my mouth with her hand trying to pull and rip at my lips and teeth. I try to pull back my head to prevent her from hurting me. I carry her into the house. Then I come back outside alone for a few minutes of rest in this difficult day. I need to go back into the house and can't remember which door is the correct one, there so many along the side of the house. I find it and go in. Now I am seated for a few quiet moments in a large library room, two wing backed chairs, and walls lined with bookshelves full of books. I become aware of a man approaching the house. I go out to greet him. He is a stranger to me, but we are attracted to each other. I am showing him the house. The other servants sneer at me and make belittling comments to me as we pass them. The man continues to be attracted to me. We are standing in the center of a large round table with the middle open. Suddenly he is lying on top of me and it is sexually exciting. I feel his hard penis against my vagina through all the clothes. I like it. But I make him stop because I am afraid people will see us.