I was at home, though it didn't look like my waking life home. Some of my family was there, though Todd A is the only one I can remember. I found a VHS video and was looking at it the way you would look at negatives for photographs. I was holding the tape up to a light and moving it through my hands as I looked at it. On the tape it looked like a series of photographs. In one clip I thought I saw Nic R. I kept going and saw him again and was sure it was him. Now I'm watching the video but not on a TV or screen as you normally would, though I can't explain how I was viewing it. It was though I was just looking in the air. As I watched it, I saw Nick R at one of our family gatherings. At first we were getting ready to have a meal and he was moving around helping get everything ready and he seemed to be getting along fine with everyone. Later we are all visiting and the video is focused on Nick R. He appears to have had too much to drink. There is a sofa table sitting behind the sofa and he is lining up various types and sizes of empty bottles. Then he is taking a bottle of liquor and pouring it into each of these odd and smaller bottles. No one will ever know there is liquor in them. I realize that John S took this video without anyone knowing about it, including Nick R. He wanted me to see what Nick R was really like when I wasn't around or even when I wasn't paying attention. There's a knock at the door and I go to answer. It's Nick R. I opened the door just a little and talked to him. He wanted me to let him in and I didn't want to. He said he knew that I had a video of him but he didn't know what I was going to do with it. He wanted me to give it to him. At first I argued with him about it then I finally let him in. Todd A took the video into another room for a few minutes. When he came back he was holding the VHS cassette in one hand and a length of video tape in the other. He had torn out the section that Nick R was in and was going to give him just that much. Nick R was okay with that and left. Just a couple of minutes later there is a knock at the door and it is Nick R again. I ask him what he wants now. He said he wants to talk to me. He wants me to give him another chance. He's telling me that he has changed and if I give him another chance things will be very different than the last time. I don't believe him because he has said similar things so many times before. I'm thinking, that the video tape gives me plenty of reason not to give him another chance. But I'm also thinking that the attraction always seems to be there no matter what he does. I'm afraid the temptation to give him another chance will also always be there and I just hope I'm strong enough to stay away. I also know we argue a bit and he finally gives up and heads toward his car. Just as he reaches for the handle of the car door he stops, pauses, then turns to his left, facing me, and opens his mouth like he is about to say something. He raises his hands palms up and might have taken a step or two towards me. I raise my eyebrows as if to say, What now? He just closes his mouth and lowers his hands and gets in the car. I watch him leave. He is with family or friends. There are five other adults in the car. He gets in the passenger side of the front seat. I'm back in the other room looking at the video again, by running the tape through my hands held up to a light. I realize that Nick R is in the video at other places too but just interacting with the rest of us. There was also a section of the tape that appeared to be blank.