(06/29/00)["Inadequate, false."] I am sitting on a couch. I am waiting for a woman director who will work with me on a play. I have the lead part. A man named Kent comes over and sits near me on my right. I am distracted and not real friendly. Suddenly he leans over and kisses me on the mouth. It is a french kiss and I don't find it very interesting. Boring. He is trying to talk me into having sexual relations with him. I am confused and stammering. I am trying to tell him I don't want to with him. I am trying to say his style of asking for it without relationship or love doesn't work with me. Then the woman director comes in. I get up and abandon Kent. The director says she hates false over acted love scenes in movies. I agree. Then she grabs me and pushes me down on the couch planting big over acted false kisses on my cheek near my mouth. I am very uncomfortable, her breasts and mine are pushed together. I want to push her away. I try to go along with the pretend acting and say I know what you mean. Then they writhe around. We pretend to writhe around. Finally she lets go of me to my relief. Then Dovre comes in the room. She just woke up and wants my attention. I tell her, her hair is messy and then, distracted, I abandon her too so I can pay attention to the director's directions. A man director comes in now. He tells me to act some lines. I start. He stops me saying I am not giving it enough passion and action. He mimes for me the gesture of a fish hook catching in my mouth and me writhing like a hooked fish as I deliver the lines. I think that is ridiculous and over acting. Then the woman director says she wants more from me. I try to explain to her that first I need to memorize the lines and then I play with them adding the intensity and emotions. I feel very inadequate. I must have failed. I feel incapable. She does not approve of my methods. She tells me she is disappointed. She had heard so much good stuff about my skills. My reputation had preceded me. Now she is unhappy with my ability. I feel terrible, inadequate and a failure.