Have arrived at home after an absence of apparently several days on a trip. Hear my wife talking to a woman in another room. Quietly go into bathroom and sit down to defecate. Then flush and realize with horror the water is rising in bowl. It rises fast and then spills over and the floor is covered with yellow urine and water. I decide I must clean up before the wife hears me, and look around for a sponge to soak up and rinse into basin. Then I see a long, probably 14-inch turd, mine, on the floor near the bowl. I realize I must actually pick it up with both hands somehow and get it back into toilet. I also realize if I touch it, I will ejaculate!