I'm in a bar with my friend Sal and my brother. We came from my country to Germany that evening, and we've stopped off for a beer on the edge of town on our way to Sal's place. There's a bus stop outside - the bus runs all night so there's no rush to go. Sal meets some of his old friends in the bar. The bar is large, dark, open-plan, dark and is on split-levels. There is a hotel on 3 floors below the bar. I want to go, but Sal wants to stay a while, so we all get another drink. It's now very late, and everyone is drunk. Sal is with my brother and his old friends, while I go wandering. I bump into a German girl at the back of the bar. She's there with friends. We get talking. She is drunk too, and her body language is provocative. I'm not comfortable about the situation - I'd rather go - but my instincts get the better of me, and we make a plan to go down stairs to the hotel and find a cupboard or something where we can spend 15 minutes in private. Ironically, my friend and brother now want to leave, but I stall them with some excuse, and disappear downstairs. Like naughty children we run along the hotel corridors looking for privacy, but there are hotel cleaners about. We fail to find a suitable place, so we end up outside, under a boardwalk. We kiss. I feel pleasure and guilt. I break away after 10 minutes, saying my friend and brother want to go and they are waiting for me. When I get back upstairs, they are waiting impatiently. They suspect that I've been up to no good - they are partly bemused and partly judgemental but that say nothing. We all leave together in a hurry and jump on a bus in the cold early morning light. I feel powerful yet damned.