Now only an expert can deal with the problem Because half the problem is seeing the problem And only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem So if theres no expert dealing with the problem Its really actually twice the problem Cause only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Now in America we like solutions We like solutions to problems And theres so many companies that offer solutions Companies with names like Pet Solution The Hair Solution. The Debt Solution. The World Solution. The Sushi Solution Companies with experts ready to solve the problems Cause only an expert can see theres a problem And only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Now lets say youre invited to be on Oprah And you dont have a problem But you want to go on the show, so you need a problem So you invent a problem But if youre not an expert in problems Youre probably not going to invent a very plausible problem And so youre probably going to get nailed Youre going to get exposed Youre going to have to bow down and apologize And beg for the publics forgiveness Cause only an expert can see theres a problem And only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Now on these shows, the shows that try to solve your problems The big question is always How can I get control? How can I take control? But dont forget this is a question for the regular viewer The person whos barely getting by The person whos watching shows about people with problems The person whos part of the 60 of the U.S. population 1.3 weeks away, 1.3 pay checks away from a shelter In other words, a person with a problem So when experts say, Lets get to the root of the problem Lets take control of the problem So if you take control of the problem you can solve the problem. Now often this doesnt work at all because the situation is completely out of control Cause only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Now sometimes experts lend you money And sometimes they lend you lots of money And sometimes when the subprime mortgages collapse And banks close and businesses fail And the crisis spreads around the world Sometimes other experts say Just because aII the markets crashed Doesnt mean its necessarily a bad thing And other experts say Just because aII your friends were fired And your familys broke and we didnt see it coming Doesnt mean that we were wrong And just because you lost your job and your house And all your savings doesnt mean you dont have to pay for the bailouts For the traders and the bankers and the speculators Cause only an expert can design a bailout And only an expert can expect a bailout Cause only an expert can deal with the problem And only an expert can deal with the problem And only an expert can deal with the problem And sometimes, if its really really really hot And its July in January And theres no more snow and huge waves are wiping out cities And hurricanes are everywhere And everyone knows its a problem But if some of the experts say its no problem And other experts claim its no problem Or explain why its no problem Then its simply not a problem But when an expert says its a problem And makes a movie and wins an Oscar about the problem Then all the other experts have to agree that it is most likely a problem Cause only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem And even though a county can invade another country And flatten it. And ruin it. And create havoc and civil war in that other country If the experts say that its not a problem And everyone agrees that theyre experts good at seeing problems Then invading that country is simply not a problem And if a country tortures people And holds citizens without cause or trial and sets up military tribunals This is also not a problem Unless theres an expert who says its the beginning of a problem Cause only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can see theres a problem And see the problem is half the problem And only an expert can deal with the problem Only an expert can deal with the problem
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