[Verse 1] Strap them kids in, give em a little bit of vodka In a Cherry Coke, were goin to Oklahoma To the family reunion for the first time in years Its up at Uncle Slaytons cause hes getting on in years You know he no longer travels, but hes still pretty spry Hes not much on talking, hes just too mean to die And theyll be comin down from Kansas and from west Arkansas Itll be one great big ol party like you never saw [Verse 2] Uncle Slaytons got his Texan pride Back in the thickets with his Asian bride Hes got an Airstream trailer and a Holstein cow He still makes whiskey cause he still knows how He plays that Choctaw bingo every Friday night You know he had to leave Texas, but he wont say why He owns a quarter section up by Lake Eufala Caught a great big ol blue cat on a driftin jug line Sells his hardwood timber to the chipping mill Cooks that crystal meth because the shine dont sell He cooks that crystal meth because the shine dont sell You know he likes that money, he dont mind the smell [Verse 3] My cousin Roscoe, Slaytons oldest boy From his second marriage up in Illinois Hes raised in East St. Louis by his mamas people Where they do things different thought hed just come on down He was going to Dallas, Texas, in a semitruck Called from that big McDonalds, you know the one thats built up On that great big ol bridge across the Will Rogers Turnpike Took the Big Cabin exit, stopped and bought a carton o cigarettes At that Indian smoke shop with the big neon smoke rings In the Cherokee Nation hit Muskogee late that night Somebody ran a stoplight at the Shawnee Bypass Roscoe tried to miss em, but he didnt quite [Verse 4] Bob and Mae come up from some little town Way down by Lake Texoma where he coaches football They were 2A champions now for two years runnin But he says they wont be this year, no, they wont be this year And he stopped off in Tushka at that Pops Knife and Gun place Bought a SKS rifle and a couple full cases Of that steelcore ammo with the Berdan primers From some East bloc nation that no longer needs em And a Desert Eagle, thats one great big ol pistol I mean, 50caliber made by badass Hebrews And some surplus tracers for that old BAR of Slaytons Soons it gets dark, were gonna have us a time Were gonna have us a time [Live Verse] My Aunt Rita, now shes just about my age She lives over in Missouri off of I44 Next to that great big ol billboard of that little bitty baby Wantin to know whos my Daddy Selling that DNA testing Just done six months down at that Red River Rehab Had a little pain pill problem but shes okay now You know shes okay now Its just cocaine now [Verse 5] Ruth Ann and Lynn come down from Baxter Springs And thats one hellraisin town way up in southeastern Kansas Got a biker bar next to the lingerie store Thats got the Rolling Stones lips up there in bright pink neon And theyre right downtown where everyone can see em And they burn all night You know they burn all night You know they burn all night [Verse 6] Ruth Ann and Lynn, they wear them cutoff britches And them skinny little halters And theyre second cousins to me Man, I dont care, I want to get between em With a great big ol hardon like a old Bois dArc fence post You could hang a pipe rail gate from Do some sister twisters til the cows come home And well be havin us a time Uhhuh [Verse 7] Uncle Slaytons got his Texan pride Back in the thickets with his Asian bride Hes cut that corner pasture into acre lots He sells em ownerfinanced strictly to them Thats got no kind of credit cause he knows theyre slackers And theyll miss that payment, then he takes it back He plays that Choctaw bingo every Friday night He drinks his Johnnie Walker at that Club 69 [Verse 8] Were gonna strap them kids in Give em a little bit o Benadryl And a Cherry Coke, were goin to Oklahoma Gonna have us a time Gonna have us a time
slaytons, big, ol, great, em