They say if you want to make Hamlet Youve got to break a few legs Now recall how a bit of a jam let Our troupe descend into the dregs We were booked to play the Lusitania Its a shame how that deal went down So alas, we left York, Pennsylvania On the freight trains out West, town to town By the end I was bitter and jaded Looking for a Chautauqua to join After I was disgraced and degraded When I played the Dane in Des Moines We presented the Bard cross the nation To the stockyards we brought summer stock We had heard of Des Moines cultivation When we found that meant corn what a shock! In the round at a wrestling venue Some egged us on, more egged us off We were served every dish on the menu From the buffet set up in a trough I cried Ill surrender when pigs fly! Then somebody tossed a pork loin Soon the castle resembled a pigsty When I played the Dane in Des Moines The sword fight took place in a hog pen Some wag barred the gate with a board We couldnt reach the epilog when The pen had more might than the sword Then the crowd started dozing and nodding And snoring rang out loud and clear But they rose up and started applauding When the man came with peanuts and beer If you think we got paid, youre mistaken Though Ophelia was showered with coin For she told them the play was by Bacon When I played the Dane in Des Moines
moines, dane, de, egged, played