WASHINGTON POST Get the news, the very latest news, the news you?ll never get from any other source, sir The Washington Post is my newspaper The Washington Post the one to read, the Washington Post is all you need The Washington Post is my view shaper The Washington Post, The Washington Post, The Washington Post, the Post, the Post So if you?re after the latest news, The Washington Post will give you the most And if you?re craving the latest views, The Washington Post is the one you need, sir! So if you are after the latest news, The Washington Post will give you the most And if you?re craving the latest views, The Washington Post is the one to read, sir! They?ve got the comics and the crossword puzzles, too They?ve got the help wanted pages and want ads there So if you think you?ll ever find a better paper in the world You better go to church and say a prayer and say a prayer They?ve got photographers and correspondents too They?ve got a big editorial staff as well So if you think you?ll ever find a better paper in the world My friend then you can always go to Hell, you go to hell, you go to hell you go to hell You go to hell you go to hell then you can always go to hell, sir! You might be wondering about their oped page And if they?ll print what you offer as timeless prose? Well, it?s agreed at least they?ll read whatever screed you?ve scribbled Right before they tell you, ?Stick it up your nose!? yes up your nose, yes up your nose Yes up your nose, before they tell you, you can stick it up your nose, sir! Reporters write their stories down by hand sometimes They use computers and typewriter keyboards, too So if you think you?ll ever find a better paper anywhere Then you can stick it up your old wazoo, up your wazoo, Hey!
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