I woke up this evening, I was feeling blue Wasnt all that surpising, Im an ancient briton Who takes pride in his appearance I indulge in evey new veu vargh I dont argue With the leaders of the Druids Cos even if they knowed That I think I have to bear A far too heavy woad When they sent me to battle Down by the Roman road They dont argue, I dont argue They dont argue wuth druids I got up and went outside, a stranger was about It was a Roman in the gloamin and he gave an awful shout When I whipped off me figleaf and I flashed meself about He didnt argue I aint got a secret weapon Its there for all to see And in my turquoise birthday suit Im blue from head to knee And when the village maidens see it, they invite me up for tea I dont argue Now Merlin was a plumber, but he had got on quite far An honarary druid appointed by Queen Bodacea He was devious and shifty, like used khazi dealers are One didnt argue with Merlin When he heard about the Roman he looked shifty and he hissed The time has come to rid our land of the imperialist And he jumped about as if posessed, I think that he was pissed I didnt argue He said now take this liquid, put it in their aquaduct Its made from special mushrooms that I meself have plucked Aay when the Romans drink it theyll be rightly screwed up I didnt argue, didnt think much of his poetry though Well I was going through the forest when whom should I see there But a beautiful campfollower acamping in the air And she said hello sailor, would you like to see me bare I didnt argue, I love animals Hmm being on a mission, I should have had more sense But the sight of her proportions made me lower me defence For Ive heard with campers the excitement is in tents I didnt argue As we lay down a voice said what you doing with my wife And I said just the usual, then a Roman stuck a knife Halfway up me fundament, I shouted spare me life An all He didnt argue He said youre for Londinium, where you will have to face Trial by a cross section of the Roman populace Theyll be cross enough to crucify you in the market place They dont argue in Londinium I was a manacled depressive, then I had an idea I said you must be weary soldier, have some British beer And I pulled out Merlins bottle He said Oh your a dear I didnt argue And he took of me handcuffs and we sat down on the grasses And his bird pulled out a corkscrew and three plastic army glasses And I said cheers, and strangely how quickly ones life passes She didnt argue He said Ill drink to that, cos I wish I was at home Or even on the continent, where all roads lead to Rome But till you lot join the market, Im stuck in this battle zone I didnt argue Well we sitting there and drinking and it wasnt very late When suddenly the ground turned pink and began to undulate The Roman turned to me and said was it something that we ate I didnt argue I couldnt argue Suddenly I began to understand the true meaning of life And the nature of the Universe At last I understood Well we thank you druid Merlin For your mushroom soup with weed in Cos man, now I know where its at, I through with tears, sweat and bleeding Me and the Romans getting political asylum up in Sweden They dont argue up there Peace Brother
argue, roman, didnt, merlin, druid