[Intro Open Mike Eagle] We have a fuckin, uh, incredible show for you tonight Pardon me for saying Fuckin on network television Im not gonna have this job for longIts Exile! Its me, its you. These are our guests Lets go. Yeah [Open Mike Eagle] I gave up and became a Spotifyer Paying myself a fraction of a penny playing Qualifiers Im looking up and Im stuck in a Chucky movie Saying yucky shit for chuckles like its Lucky Louie So somebody better cancel me Before I get a chance to screen this assnaked dance routine Its dark comedy, cold as a soldiers stare Ive been exposed, so now the LOLs is my overwear And Im a polar bear with words for a fancy song I think its the first verse from Little Miss Cant Be Wrong Fuck you, I like the Spin Doctors Is that dude Finns father or just an impostor? The new internet things to be pretend awkward Nonprescription, thickrimmed frames and rented gym lockers Im a rapper, we lament being broke All the comics get money, but they spend it on coke You can watch us on the newsfeeds Fucking yalls mornings up Until America admits that it likes dogs more than us And I can see the Super Bowls of the future The Ferguson blacks vs. Missouri State Troopers The privacy rights vs. the personal computers Concussion researchers vs. university boosters I graduated college, I purchased all the extra books Im supposed to be living in a house with a breakfast nook Jokes on me, though All this cheap alcohol and no Coke Zero Ashamed how proximity kills yo heroes Hey, yo, no poking, Im still woke, CeeLo Yeah, Its all ripped from the headlines Im all outta options like a Crip on the red line I got a deadline, before I never had a deal Stormed out of business meetings, slipped on mass banana peels I should probably shut my stupid mouth Shirtless in a fur hat and Vladimir Putin pout And North Koreas got practice missiles And I still check Yahoo cause we both got attachment issues Our Congress moves just like a cult could Invade Iraq 15 times in my adulthood And we quit asking for the reasons And clicked the Constitutions terms of service agreements Were dreaming from sundown to high noon And woke up by U2 albums all in your iTunes And its close to a all out war With kids being murdered just for being black and tall outdoors They respond to demonstrations wearing kevlar briefs When the main problem is nobody respects our grief They say if it bends its funny, if it breaks it aint though I still got broke pockets and trying to host the Late Show Recording it every night, but I dont know where the tape go Homeless fashionistas tell me everything that they know Yeah, you got a style Tie them fancy sandals up, smile You on the NSAs candid cameras, now Im in a church basement learning Shotokan I saw Jesus taking a selfie and I photobombed And dude better tag me A little recognition makes me do better gladly Like this one time when I got booed at a track meet In a Hellfyre Club sweater for two letter athletes One for regret dreams, one for most suppressed team Pressure valve gets released and sprays like a jet stream Karl Kanis and Z Cavariccis from Chess King KMart name brands were the least interesting I appreciated presidential speeches on the West Wing I never had wet dreams or piloted an XWing Im still terrible at being sarcastic black My man Exile, he knows what Im laughing at My man ToyLight, he knows what Im laughing at The studio audience knows what Im laughing at [Outro Open Mike Eagle] Laughing at all types of shit I laugh at, um, CNN. I dont know why That might be an issue that might be a problem actually Its not, its not a humorous channel, you know what I mean? Its not trying to compete with Comedy Central If anything, its trying to compete with Headline News Which Im pretty sure is like the same company Or its trying to compete with, uh, MSNBC kinda MSNBC is blue and to the left CNN is red, white, and black, and in the middle And Fox News is bright red and hollerin, and on the right And theres an elephant and a donkey And then an eledonkeyphant. A donkaphant Uh, a helladonkaphant. Shit
vs, msnbc, laughing, compete, eagle