[ IP ] The Aftermath

[ First writing prompt based off what Im feeling right now. An innocent love. My aftermath ] 
 
 `` I'm sorry. I ca n't take this anymore. Can we just be friends?'' Her voice still ringing in my head. Its been an entire year, and I'm still feeling the brute force it. Why did I put myself in this mess. We had different religions and we were different color, I knew this would all crash and burn. 
 
 She felt guilty, she cried infront of me while appologizing. The negatives of keeping'us' outweighed the positives. Keeping our relationship a secret from her parents and friends. I understood. I made the decision we should just give up on eachother. This would have to end sooner or later anyways, it was too good to last. For a year I kept holding on to these feelings. Shes still always on my mind. The door opened from behind me. I turned around and I saw her. 
 
 She bit her lip. `` Stop thinking about me and move on.'' 
 
 I lost it. Slamming my fists onto the table. `` How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I ca n't put on my shoes without thinking about you. I ca n't ride the bus without thinking about the butterfiles when your head rested on my shoulder. I ca n't even walk to campus anymore without thinking about you balancing on the curb.'' I yelled, pouring out my feelings trapped for so long. On the verge of tears I calmed down. 
 
 `` I used to joke around back then that we guys forget easily and girls can remember everything. Fucking bullshit. I remember everything about you and I cant forget it''. Tears started to trickle down my face. 
 
 I whispered to her, my voice cracking. `` I see you everyday in class. I smile and I laugh with you, I make myself look'okay', so you wont feel guilty of letting me go. But inside I realize we will never get to share a hug or hold hands ever again. I wake up in the morning and lie to myself that I feel fine, but I know I'll never will.'' 
 
 Her eyes looked up to me. She muttered. `` Dude fucking wake up.'' 
 
 I opened my eyes. My roommate was at my door. `` Dude go to class and sign my attendance for me. I got ta jet.'' He left hurriedly out. 
 
 I sat down on my bedside. Rubbed my eyes and took a deep breath. `` It's going to be okay.'' 
 
 I lied. 

