[ WP ] You have been found `` not guilty '' of a crime you DID commit

It's a strange feeling, freedom. You never quite understand it until you are faced with its permanent loss. I almost suffered that fate, convicted of brutally murdering my business rival. They suspected he confronted me about something which caused me to lose my temper. For months I feared being locked up like some blemish on the face of society, popped and rid of, but with two simple words that weight was lifted off my shoulders. 
 
 `` Not guilty.'' 
 
 Exhilarated would be an understatement for how I felt. I hugged my lawyer and shook hands with anyone who seemed remotely happy for me. I was n't quite sure how the trial would affect people's opinion of me, especially at work, but for a while afterwards I did n't care. 
 
 Things changed as the weeks went by. Work returned to normal - my boss actually gave me a raise when my number of clients actually increased. My wife loved me more fiercely; something about almost losing me made her realize the extent of her feelings for me. And my two children were just as excitable as always. But something kept nagging at me every night. 
 
 I started to wonder what Mike used to do at dinner with his family. As I asked my kids how their day went, I could n't help but think my old business partner might just have asked his kids the same thing. It did n't stop there, causing sleepless nights or fitful nightmares. Of course, I knew what it was. The guilt that built up inside me was leaking out from every pore. 
 
 I could n't tell anyone though. For all they knew, I was an innocent, caring father who could n't have committed such an awful crime. 
 
 My memory of the blood coating my hands, keeping them warm against the chilly night air told a different story. 
 
 I remember Mike confronting me, saying he knew my secret. Telling me how he would talk, get me in trouble, if I did n't stop `` distorting the truth'' and `` manipulating the numbers'' to my clients. I asked him to just keep it quiet, but he would n't agree even after I smashed his head into the concrete floor the first time. It took many more times until his silence and the stained parking deck convinced me of his cooperation. 
 
 You see, when a man faces the total loss of his freedom, he will cling to anything that will help him fight for it. I told myself again and again he was going to ruin my family, that I should n't confess what I had done. And so I fought, and won. Yet my freedom was now a curse. One that smashes my mind night after night when I see his disfigured face and wake in terrified silence.
