[ WP ] You perform a ritual to summon a demon , but instead get a `` Demon in training '' .

*Notice: I suck at writing, but I enjoy it, so fuck you. * 
 
 Summoning a demon is not that complicated, it just takes a pint of your closest relative's blood, the feather of a bird, a couple of eyeballs of any sort, and some candles, preferably unscented. The purpose of this is to draw his or her demon attention to you. Of course, the summoner must be at least somewhat competent. I mean, you ca n't just have someone who cant count to 435 summon a demon. Sadly, this happened. 
 
 Baali was n't his real name, he just called himself that. His name was Dave. He lived in a tiny apartment just outside the thriving metropolis of [ REDACTED ]. He was coming to his twenty-third year of age, and, as a present to himself, bought himself some eyeballs, a flamingo feather, and some lovely cinnamon candles. His sister, Sarah, was barely fourteen, and lived with him in his dreadful apartment. It was truly a mess. His ugly red paint clashed with his myriad pictures of Beelzebub; of course, Sarah just assumed this was a strange fetish. A mid life crisis. Quarter life crisis, maybe. 
 
 Baali, or Dave, had a reason for his madness. He felt as though God just, sorta, forgot about him. Abandoned him. Quite literally Godforsaken. Why you may ask? Well, his parents died when he was nineteen, he has the embodiment of Twitter for a sister, and came to the ungodly conclusion that God is an atheist. 
 
 He looked up on the internet `` Demon Summoning for Dummies,'' which he found out had quite a large following, especially in Southeastern Canada. Dave bought his supplies, which I would repeat, but you can just scroll up. 
 
 *The following is an excerpt from Demonology: Me, You, and why Demons are just Atheists with Silly Horns Volume 2 1/4* 
 
 `` To Summon a demon, the supplies gathered must be prepared delicately. 
 
 Step 1: Light multiple candles and assort them in a pentagram. 
 
 Step 2: Take two eyeballs and let them soak in a pint of warm blood for 20-30 minutes, or when the eyeballs form into a pliable, somewhat dissolving shape. 
 
 Step 3: Take the feather, and trace the shapes of the pentagram between the candles. Be sure to have bold, deliberate lines. 
 
 Step 4: Recite The Demon's Premonition ( Refer to page 532 of Demonology: Me, You, and why Demons are just Atheists with Silly Horns Volume 74.45 ) 
 
 The line that Dave missed was that different demon are attracted to different things. Dave just managed to get a demon in internship. This certain demon was a attracted to cinnamon ( the candles ), pink ( the feathers, and crocadiles ( in no way related to the current situation, just an interesting factoid. ) 
 
 The wind was swirling in an unnatural motion, the air stunk of blood, the posters of Satan were ripping ( rather ironically ), and Sarah was to busy Instagraming her BLT to notice that a demon was appearing in the den. 
 
 `` Oh, sorry, apologies, I have n't done this before just give me a second,'' the demon said, rummaging through his satchel, presumably filled with demon things. 
 
 `` Ah, okay,'' he cleared his throat. `` I am Dilamon! The demon from down under! The demon from another moth- oh, wait, wrong script. Hmmm.'' He kept throwing stuff out of his purse: toe, eyes, plastic flamingoes, a half-eaten copy of Farm Animals, cinnamon sticks. 
 
 `` I am so sorry about this, you see, I am an intern at the Hell University School of Rituals and Sacrifices. Oh! I remember this bit. WHY DID YOU SUMMON ME MERE MORTAL?'' he spoke in a strange booming voice. His voice cracked on `` mere.'' 
 
 For the first time since this happened, Dave spoke, `` Um, I'm Baali, and I am not sure why I summoned you. I was really just hoping for vengeance. Is there perhaps any other demon currently available? I was hoping for one with enough power to destroy the universe, or New York City at the very least.'' 
 
 `` If my masters know I did n't fulfill my summoner's request I will get beaten, please let me help. Or at the very least could you fill out this form stating that I did my work well, and give me a 10 in evil-ranking.'' 
 
 Baali just stood there, pondering the current situation, perusing Dalimon, and put a fake cigar in his mouth. He put it in backwards. 
 
 `` FUCK! For the love of God I just want some damn double-sided cigars!'' 
 
 Dalimon, rather shyly, spoke,'' Well, I'm not God, but here.'' 
 
 However, rather than a double sided cigar, he accidentally turned Dave into a double sided self. Dave now ended just below the bellybutton, and then started again. 
 
 `` Ah, I see this may not be optimal,'' said Dalimon, `` however, would you kindly still give me a recommendation?'' 
 
 Dave kicked the demon in his face with his upper-right leg. He disappeared without a trace. 
 
 
 
 
 

