[ CW ] Tolkein and Lovecraft are both prolific writers of their generes and are starkly different from each other , but what if they wrote each others work ?

In a hole in the ground there lived a Shoggoth. not a tiny invisible hole teeming with insectile horrors, nor some grand cyclopean maze of jagged stone. This was a Shoggoth's hole, so that meant it was dark and cold and wet, twisting through ice and buried stone in the isolated mountains of the antarctic. There were also a bunch of giant albino penguins everywhere. 
 
 This hole in particular belonged to a well respected Shoggoth who could be summoned by the name B'ilb ho'BagghNs. He enjoyed lurking in his hole, gibbering the names of unspeakable horrors from the other side of the mountains, and generally being eldritch. He never had anything to do with Adventures. 
 
 B'ilb was spending a quiet frozen winter's night relaxing outside the entrance to his hole when heard heard the sounds of *something* approaching. He soon saw the tell-tale star shaped body and writhing squamous tentacles of one of the Elder Races. It was his old friend Mith'randir, whom some called Olórin, the stormcrow. I have heard whispers that there are those who refer to him as the grey wanderer, but the ancient tomes that describe how he earned this name are better left unopened. 
 
 `` B'ilb!'' Mith'randir voice was a peculiar sclorching noise, simultaneously rasping and muffled. `` there you are. I'm looking for a Shoggoth of excellent ability to help join in an adven-'' 
 
 `` No thank you.'' B'ilb cut him off. `` I am a respectable Shoggoth, and I'm perfectly content here in my hole in the antarctic. No need to go on an adventure. When the Great Old Ones awaken and return to subsume the world in a revel of chaos and destruction, I wo n't be having the neighbors saying,'oh ho'BagghNs is off on an adventure somewhere. Let's start the end of the world without him'. It's all right for you Elder Races, but we Shoggoths are perfectly happy to sit here and undulate in the darkness.'' B'ilb felt he had been rather curt, and because it was never wise to be rude to a being from the cthonic darkness of ancient days he added, `` Still would you like a giant penguin? I can also get you a cup of tea from the pantry.'' 
 
 `` Not an *adventure* B'ilb ho'BagghNs my friend. I merely ask if you wanted to join in eating an *adventurer*. There a whole party of human wandering around down here exploring the ruins, probably just waiting to examine the wrong prelapsarian carving and go mad from the ensuing destruction of everything they thought was truth. They're easy pickings; it's like a buffet.'' 
 
 `` Oh absolutely,'' B'ilb answered. He was not the sort of Shoggoth to ever miss a meal. `` I'll set up a kettle, and we can go get some adventurers to eat, with maybe some frozen penguin from the larder for dessert.''
