[ WP ] The President , suffering from a bad case of diarrhea , is informed that the enemy has just launched a nuke .

`` Sir! Sir! Its urgent!'' 
 
 The voice cut through the orchestral majesty of The Most Powerful Flatulence In The World. The POTUS tried to respond, but feared drawing breath would result in a national crisis. 
 
 `` Sir!'' the young secret serviceman was pounding on the door now. `` Sir, you REALLY need to wrap up - the situation out here is critical!'' 
 
 *The situation in here is critical* thought the leader of the free world, his stately brow creased with strain, the easy smile drawn into a taught line of deep concentration. 
 
 `` SIR, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!'' The agent turned to a quaking staff member. `` Find the VP, tell him we're in deep shit if he ca n't get the president in touch with the Korean embassy,'' the serviceman's strained voice was rushed, and spittle splattered the aide's panic-whitened skin. `` Use those exact words - DEEP SHIT!'' The aide shot off, blasting through the doors and pattering rapidly toward the oval office. 
 
 *What is happening? * The President steeled himself as another wave of nausea flowed through him and took a deep breath. His voice was steady. `` Serviceman... Brown, right? I am indisposed at the moment - what is going on out there?'' His eyes narrowed - he could feel something letting go down there and readied for impact. 
 
 `` Sir, I have reports that North Korea has - well, sir, that they have detonated a low-yield nuclear device at our naval base in Anchorage.'' The VP and a torrent of suits was boiling down the hallway, flooding into the antechamber. The VP stepped up and hammered on the door. `` Sir, we HAVE to respond! There could be another attack any minute; we have two birds offshore ready to fly - do we strike?'' 
 
 The president heard nothing but noise, the spasms having become uncontrollable. Involuntarily, his head snapped back and his fists clenched, grasping the seat of his Presidential throne with unbreakable steadfastness and resolve. `` Oh Lord'' he proclaimed louder than intended, `` I'm gon na blow the place to hell.'' 
 
 For a moment, all was silent in the hallway. `` Sir?'' 
 
 Fireworks went off behind the President's eyes as the levees creaked. `` OH GOD JUST DO IT ALREADY'' he shouted, frustration and rage filling his voice with iron. 
 
 The dam burst. 
 
 The Vice President returned the Red Phone to its cradle. 
 
 The mess was considerable.
