[ WP ] Black Widow , on a whim starts dating Greg , quirky and funny , but mostly average worker for SHIELD . He is not a genius , he is not a covert agent , he is n't particularly important . They seem happy together . The rest of the avengers are dealing with inferiority complex now ...

The elevator doors slid shut, a tinkling laugh carrying up the shaft. 
 
 The Avengers, minus one, stood silent. 
 
 `` So... Greg,'' said Tony, eyes flicking back and forth between Barton and Steve. Somewhere Banner sighed, and Tony quirked his head inquisitively. 
 
 `` I had thought that it would be the Son of Coul,'' said Thor, as confused as the others were mute. 
 
 `` Coulson?'' Barton snorted. `` No way, man. I mean aside from all of the other stuff, the history --'' 
 
 `` I thought she liked history --'' 
 
 `` Shut up, Tony,'' warned Steve. 
 
 Hawkeye rolled his eyes at Stark. `` Aside from all the other stuff, Coulson's really not her type.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, and neither is this guy,'' Steve said. `` He's like... me. Before the serum. Maybe a little taller.'' 
 
 `` That, and Coulson's first name is Phil,'' offered Bruce, poking his head up from behind the bar. 
 
 `` Huh,'' Steve said. 
 
 `` I did n't understand the question,'' Hawkeye said. 
 
 `` Why did I think his name was Greg?'' mused Thor, gazing skeptically at his half-empty bottle of mead. 
 
 Tony and Pepper exchanged a look. Pepper looked to Jane, but she was pointedly ignoring the conversation in favor of her mead. 
 
 `` So, um -- this is a wedding party, remember? Thor, Jane -- yaaaay!'' Confetti. 
 
 Stony silence. 
 
 `` So, um -- what would you guys like to --'' 
 
 `` Drinking!'' exclaimed Banner. He stood up from behind the bar with two expensive bottles of bourbon in each hand. 
 
 `` Yeah, let's do that,'' said Hawkeye, and a moment later he and Captain each caught a bottle. 
 
 `` Better make that two,'' Steve said. `` You know I ca n't get drunk, right?'' 
 
 `` No reason not to test that hypothesis,'' said Banner. 
 
 `` Guess not.'' 
 
 Bottle number two was tossed over to Captain, and as one the three men who all expected their wedding date to kick ass in leather cracked open $ 200 bottles of whiskey and took generous pulls. 
 
 Hawkeye said uncle first. He grunted and shook his head at the sting. `` Damn.'' 
 
 Steve and Banner were still drinking. A thought occurred to Tony. `` So um, Bruce. Buddy, pal, friend -- colleague. So do you not get drunk either, or --'' 
 
 Bruce kept drinking. He held up a finger as Tony flustered. `` So Bruce... that thing about you always being angry -- look, I'm not the one to question whether alcohol is the solution to life's problems, and I certainly do n't mind seeing you do the... you know with the green and the smashing and what not, but... this *is* my penthouse --'' 
 
 Bruce slammed the half-empty bottle onto the bar and wiped his mouth with a satisfied sigh. Were his eyes a little green around the edges -- 
 
 He shot Tony a long-suffering look. `` Sure. It's not always the *best* idea, of course. But the good news is that if the... other guy comes out, he sobers up pretty much instantaneously.'' 
 
 `` Great,'' said Tony. `` So at least we wo n't have to deal with a *drunk hulk*.'' 
 
 Thor's eyes lit up and Jane shook her head. 
 
 Captain America finished the first bottle with a sigh. He set it down gently on the table. `` That's good stuff, Stark. But I do n't feel a thing.'' 
 
 `` Why do n't you, uh -- stand up, walk around, give it fifteen minutes... or, you could just move on to the next one and ignore everything I'm saying. Right.'' 
 
 `` I did n't even know you could get this stuff at cask strength,'' wondered Hawkeye. He took another belt. 
 
 Tony turned to Pepper and she shrugged unhelpfully. `` Jarvis, why do n't we put the garage on lockdown tonight. < Already done, sir. > Bruce, count me in.'' 
 
 `` Doctor Banner! The Prince of Asgard demands a bottle of his own!'' 
 
 `` No sweat. Stark's got like, jeez... fifteen, sixteen more of these?'' A rattle of bottles as Banner started lining them up on the bar. 
 
 `` It's cheaper in wholesale. I'm told.'' 
 
 Pepper sighed and retreated to the far corner of the room, martini in hand, and started texting. 
 
 Steve plunked the second bottle, not quite empty, down next to the first and belched sickly. Thor laughed and uncorked his own, downing half the bottle in a single mighty gulp. 
 
 `` An excellent vintage!'' he declared heartily. `` And potent. A worthy drink for the warriors of Midgard!'' 
 
 Steve stood up unsteadily, knocking one of the bottles over. 
 
 `` Falsified! I love science,'' Banner crowed, pouring himself a glass of water. 
 
 Captain looked over to him and scoffed. `` See, that right there is why you never stood a chance,'' he slurred. Hawkeye and Banner both fixed their gaze on Steve, who continued without prompting. `` You do n't just give up on something when it means something to you.'' 
 
 The Avengers, minus one, were silent. Someone coughed but no one noticed who. 
 
 `` I guess I did n't mean that much, then,'' said Barton, droopy-eyed. He took another pull from the bottle. 
 
 Stark, drink hand, sidled up to Barton with a whisper. `` Hey, buddy, just a word to the wise... you and I do n't have a superhuman constitution like, uh, Larry, Surly, and Mo here, and in addition to being an absolutely exquisite specimen of the distiller's art, this stuff is like, 136 proof, so --'' 
 
 `` Screw off, Iron Man.'' 
 
 `` Fine, fine, no problem.'' Tony sipped at his own bottle and warily eyed Bruce Banner. *Jarvis better have the big suit ready. * 
 
 Banner gulped down the last of the water and sloshed some whiskey into the glass. Captain America sauntered drunkenly over to the bar and opened up his third. He fixed Banner with a serious look. `` You know I love you though, right?'' 
 
 Banner grinned sardonically. `` I've been hurt, Steve.'' 
 
 `` Come on, man. We've all been hurt. I know I did n't really stand a chance. You know you did n't. You know who's really hurting here, right?'' 
 
 `` Him?'' asked Banner. 
 
 Together they turned to Nick Fury sitting in the corner, yelling into his cell phone. `` I want to know *how* the *hell* I did n't know about this!'' 
 
 `` No,'' said Steve. His eyes were puppy-dog sad. `` Barton.'' 
 
 Banner sighed. `` Yeah, I guess so.'' 
 
 `` Man,'' said Steve before hitting the bottle again, `` I got ta keep this going. I think I'm starting to sober up.'' 
 
 `` ANOTHER!'' *crash* 
 
 `` I'LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!'' exclaimed Barton, falling out of his chair. `` Greg. Fucking *GREG*.'' 
 
 Banner snorted, his eyes emerald around the edges, tinting crimson in the center. `` Pathetic.'' 
 
 `` Hey,'' countered Captain. `` That's my insult you're friending there. Did I say that right?... Am I drunk? Wow, I'm pretty shit-faced, huh?'' 
 
 `` You're all just... I'm just... so...'' 
 
 `` A couple steps to the left, a couple steps to the left! Jesus, there's a whole balcony over there you could --'' 
 
 `` Bruce... Bruce?'' 
 
 `` GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG!'' lamented Barton. 
 
 A rapidly greening fist drove Steve across the room and into a wall. Banner's grumbling became unintelligible, and everyone but Thor scrambled to put as much distance between themselves and the Incredible Hulk. 
 
 `` **GLORIOUS! **'' cried Thor, swiping his unfinished bottle of mead off of the table and downing it in one. `` I **LOVE** this part of wedding feasts!'' 
 
 `` Of course you do,'' sighed Jane. 
 
 `` I swear I had something for this,'' said Tony.
