[ WP ] It 's true that vampires need to be invited in to enter a house . Unfortunately , most people have welcome mats .

`` Look at it. It's charming.'' 
 
 `` I think you've missed the entire point of our calling, James.'' 
 
 James Van Helsing held up the prototype that was now being churned out on a massive laser printer outside his office. It was a thick welcome mat with a scene of cherubic chickadees in the boughs of a blooming jacaranda. 
 
 His sister frowned. 
 
 `` It's horribly trite.'' 
 
 `` Precisely. They'll love it. And it's cheap! Cheaper than anything on the market.'' 
 
 He pointed to a whorl in the wood of the branch. `` Look, you see that?'' 
 
 `` I see a branch.'' 
 
 `` Look closer.'' 
 
 Eve took the mat from her brother's hands and brought it to her eyes for proper evaluation. The whorls steadied into letters and she read them aloud. 
 
 `` GTFO.'' 
 
 `` It's brilliant!'' James laughed at his ingenuity. `` All the gentle souls will buy it because it's useful and sweet and five dollars less than anything else on the shelf.'' 
 
 `` I think our forefathers are spinning in their graves.'' 
 
 `` We're all cremated. To the last.'' 
 
 `` Turn of phrase, James.'' Eve sighed. `` I think vampire hunters are supposed to be at the business of hunting.'' 
 
 `` Ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. My vampire awareness campaign fell flat, but this,'' he flicked the edge of the mat with his finger, `` This is going to save lives.'' 
 
 `` Hm.'' 
 
 His sister looked at the birds with their dark plump cheeks, then scanned the walls of the warehouse office. Dozens of mats both cheeky and saccharine made a strange tapestry. There were cats, unicorns, blatant'Go Away' mats, seashells, camouflage... all with finely scrawled words of dismissal hidden in their flourishes. 
 
 ``'A House of Learned Doctors'?'' she pointed to the mat, `` What's that?'' 
 
 `` You need to get out more, Eve. It's from a movie.'' 
 
 Eve shrugged, `` Sure.'' 
 
 Eve dropped the mat on her brother's cluttered desk. A pantone swatch booklet fanned and invoices fluttered. These were not the tools of a proper hunter. She opened a notebook of fonts her brother used for reference in the design process. He was still a luddite in some senses. All Helsing were. 
 
 `` So, shall I call you James Van Helvetica after this?'' 
 
 `` I like Folio if we're getting picky.'' He removed the mat from his desk. `` And you're going to call me genius in six months.'' He grinned, showing the tooth a vampire had chipped with a cudgel, `` Promise.'' 

