[ WP ] at a wedding , someone is not who they claim they are .

`` Dearly beloved,'' he ministered `` we are gathered here tod.... Ahem.'' 
 
 I was three rows back from this train wreck and capturing the whole thing on my iPhone. He flipped through his notes. 
 
 `` Sorry, just um, give me a moment.'' He apologized quite nervously to nobody in particular. 
 
 Sweat was forming on his brow, his face glowed red. Trembling and shaking he dabbed at his eyes with the shoulders of his gown and furiously switched pages back and forth. The bride, my dear friend Norma fanned her face. Jake, the groom looked at the audience and grinned, giggles arose from unidentifiable places in the congregation. The bride's mother covered her mouth with one hand, the other clutched her knee. 
 
 My usually steady hand shook the phone around a bit as I desperately stifled a laugh myself. Norma began to fan herself with great effort as the minister looked out over the assembly and sighed. Without warning, Norma's grand bouquet began to smolder. She fanned it as well. Three rows back the heat wave hit us as the flowers ignited. Attendees jumped from their seats and began rushing about. The father of the bride was posed to rush the altar when it happened. 
 
 The minister held a hand up. Flames began at his fingertips and spread rampantly up his arm, melting the skin from his human form and simultaneously transforming him into a blazing red, ten foot tall centaur. He lowered both arms as we all rushed for the exit then paused and grinned. As the bride and groom descended the steps to flee he rushed his arms upward engulfing himself, the entire wedding party and the first two rows of patrons in flames. 
 
 The news accurately described the scene as satanic. Screams and cries of tortured souls were still emanating from the church when the rescue teams arrived. The bride and groom were eventually found, well parts of them, strewn about the church with their heads ceremoniously hung from a singed rafter. 
 
 Man I hate weddings.
