[ WP ] North Korea kidnaps Santa Claus

The mountains were partially obscured by the clouds way off in the distance as five people waited for the bus, which was late. Thankfully for these five people, it was a particularly warm and sunny December, especially for Alaska, and they all quietly estimated that it could not have been less than fifty degrees. 
 
 The five people were Samantha, a young woman in scrubs who was going over to Fairbanks Memorial hospital. Her two coworkers, Nate, a young man in business-casual attire who ran the front desk, and Jenny, a Native Alaskan woman who wore a similar uniform to Sam. 
 
 There was also a man in a Santa suit who was named Morty. Mory volunteered to be a Santa at Fairbanks Memorial Hospital. Morty himself did not celebrate Christmas since he was Jewish, but he figured it was a mitzva to visit the sick children who could n't be home for the holidays. He had the look for Santa, beard, baldness, and fat belly. 
 
 People waiting for the bus snuck glances at Morty, but did n't stare. Morty was thankful that the people waiting for the bus were wearing scrubs, so he knew he was on the right bus. 
 
 The fifth person waiting for the bus was an asian man in a bubble coat with plastic bags attached to his waist. It did n't appear that there was anything inside the bags. He also smelled slightly of urine and was muttering to himself in a language none of the other four knew. 
 
 The bus finally came. It was obvious that the bus driver was a little tired from the way that he accidentally ran over the curb while picking the bus riders up, but he straightened himself out as he pulled up. 
 
 The riders stepped up to the bus, paid their fees, and sat down. The three coworkers sat next to one another, as one would expect. Morty sat in the front since he was prone to carsickness. 
 
 The hobo walked all around the bus. After pacing the aisle for a little, he sat next to Morty. Morty looked out the window to distract himself, but the smell of the man was strong. He looked over. The man was looking at him with big, dark eyes. He did n't blink. 
 
 `` Hello?'' Morty said. 
 
 The man got up and stuck a gun in the bus driver's face. 
 
 `` Stop the bus or I shoot.'' The man said with a slight accent. 
 
 The driver slowly turned his head. 
 
 `` Stop the bus, bitch.'' He said in the same tone. 
 
 The bus screeched to a stop. The road was empty, which was typical of this particular road at six in the morning. 
 
 `` None of you move.'' 
 
 The man talked to himself in the unknown language. However, after a little while it was clear to Morty that he was talking into the left side of his jacket. 
 
 Sam got out her phone to check the time. 
 
 The hobo pointed the gun at her. 
 
 `` Put it down or I shoot.'' 
 
 `` I'm just-'' 
 
 `` Put it down or I shoot!'' 
 
 She dropped the phone quickly. 
 
 The man pointed the gun back at the bus driver. 
 
 `` All of you put your phones on the ground.'' 
 
 Sam crossed her arms to avoid looking scared. Nate placed his iphone delicately on the ground, Jenny threw her flip-phone unceremoniously on the floor, the bus driver did the same, and Morty dropped an old pager which had snuck its way into the Santa suit's pocket. He did n't have a phone. 
 
 `` Okay. Nobody move, nobody talk.'' 
 
 After a few minutes, a helicopter was heard overhead. Then it was heard closer. Then it was seen landing on the road in front of the bus. 
 
 `` Open the door.'' The man said to the bus driver. 
 
 *** 
 
 The next day, the local Alaska news reported that five people on a bus mysteriously disappeared. The bus was found in the middle of the road with no one on board. Authorities say that their disappearances may be linked to a mysterious disturbance in Fairbanks' air traffic control radar and radio. 
 
 It was also reported that one of the passengers was a man named Mortimer Butcher who was going to play Santa at the Fairbanks' Memorial Hospital, which led to `` clever'' titles like `` Santa Missing? ``, `` Christmas Cancelled?'' and `` Ho Ho Oh No.'' 
 
 On the third day, President Obama got an email from Xan87e12 @ gmail.com. This is what it said: 
 
 *Dear Obama, 
 
 We are the Official North Korean Internet Army. What we want for Christmas this year is for you to erase all traces of the movie, `` The Interview'' ( We know you can do this, you are the president. We can easily wipe out harmful movies in North Korea, so an advanced country like you should be able to do the same. ) and resign your position in office. 
 
 If our needs our met, we will return the four people and Santa Claus. The pictures of them are below from multiple angles so you know we're serious. 
 
 We have kidnapped the Santa Claus, which is the symbol of Capitalism all over the world. If our demands are not met, we will kill all of them. It is known that to kill Santa would cancel Christmas, which would severely damage the American and world economy. How fragile Capitalism can be! 
 
 You are in a tight situation, Mr. Obama. For that, I am sorry. I hope you will reply very shortly. 
 
 -The ONKIA* 
 
 The email regarding the kidnapped people was shared over two billion times on about 60 different social platforms. People made plenty of puns, including the ones that were made on the Alaska local news. 
 
 On the fourth day, it was revealed that the FBI had captured six Korean spies over the course of 12 years. Obama emailed ONKIA to exchange the spies for the hostages. They gave him a mocking reply saying that they would not accept. 
 
 On the fifth day, it was revealed that the FBI, who had captured the six spies, had also gotten some of the technology that they used. It appeared to be some Chinese technology that interrupted radio and sound waves. People speculated why they had hid this device and what they intend to do with it. 
 
 On the sixth day, two fighter jets flew over the island of Korea. But, the citizens did not know this since their TV, radio, and cell phones were cut off. Meanwhile, people recorded two black triangles silently hovering across the sky. 
 
 At the end of the day, when the signal was back, the South Korean news told the public that it was not in fact an alien invasion, but a U.S. aircraft that interfered with the signal. Obama gave an official apology and said that he needed to rescue the five hostages. 
 
 The North Koreans did not catch wind of this. Most people just thought it was another blackout. Many did not know that they had kidnapped Santa. 
 
 The late night news on both Fox and CNN showed two people in scrubs, two men in business casual dress, and one old guy in a Santa Suit getting off a military-grade, black plane in Fairbanks, Alaska. 
 
 The reporter came up to him and asked Morty how he felt about being kidnapped. 
 
 `` At least I did n't miss Hanukah.'' He said.
