[ WP ] In the future , redditism is actually the biggest religion on earth .

I woke and knew immediately it was going to be the most special day of my life... of everyone's lives. It was June 25, the day that celebrated the founding of the Faith. 
 
 My face is itchy, as young Mittens licked it until I was finally out of bed. Mittens was only seven months old, but already he was bigger than the other thirty-some-odd cats born in the eight litters that occurred last November. 
 
 There are some who call me a fanatic because I have close to two hundred cats -- the sacred pantheon of Redditism. There's a neighbor who is a nonbeliever, who tries to call the animal control and say the cats are nuisances. How dare she? She's a heretic in every sense of the word: she loves guns, does n't believe in abortion and otherwise keeps her opinion to herself... other than the cats of course. 
 
 Either way, the whole world has the day off today. In observation, the whole RedditNet is offline until sunrise tomorrow morning, meaning the only thing to do is bask in the glory of Redditism and know that on this day, Alexis the Great and Steven the Wise founded greatness. 
 
 I checked my lifetime Karma calculator -- I was still at a positive three for the year. That's good. 
 
 Confident I could show my face, three hours later, I found my way to the temple, the statues of Robin Williams and Carl Sagan standing guard. I could n't walk three steps without stepping in cat shit -- which meant luck to anyone that found themselves in a pile. I was going to be lucky a hundred times over today. 
 
 I walked in and ancient heiroGIFs were displayed on every wall -- obnoxious black people unrepresentative of the whole community, smart Asian memes and anti-Semitic rhetoric everywhere the eye looked. 
 
 Farther into the temple, I walk past the Priests of the CircleJerk, telling stories that justify why our religion is better than any other. I smile in pride and hope one day to wear the robes, though I have to get my karma much higher. 
 
 I turn the corridor and I see many girls with low self esteem gaining karma by spreading their bums and grabbing their breasts for anyone willing to sacrifice some of their own karma. Were I deeper into the positive, I would've given the skinny blonde with her legs around her neck two upvotes. 
 
 Around the other corner were support groups for male victims of rape and breast-feeding moms were on display everywhere. 
 
 I got to a door and a hologram of Ron Paul materialized. `` If you want to get through, you must tell me. Is it the government's right to involve themselves in our daily lives?'' 
 
 I thought long and hard. I needed access to this room. I had to have it. `` I must admit that I do like having FDA regulated food and Safety regulated tires on my car.'' 
 
 The hologram turned red. `` BLASPHEMY,'' it shouted and heads began turning toward me. `` BLASPHEMY,'' it said even louder that time. 
 
 The mob, once my friends, turned on my without a second thought... because at that moment, hating me was the bandwagon everyone needed to jump on. 
 
 I barely escaped with my life and found a new calling as a missionary for the dwindling and close to defunct Digg belief. It's me and this guy named Andre. I think we're on the verge of a comeback.
