[ WP ] An eternal optimist experiences the Apocalypse .

In Which An Eternal Optimist Experiences Day Seven of the Apocalypse Without Realizing All Eternal Optimists Are Essentially Likable Psychopaths 
 
 Day Seven: 
 
 Wow. 
 
 What a fantastic Apocalypse. It's by far, the single, most incredible, best Apocalypse I've ever experienced. 
 
 Wow. 
 
 What a fantastic end for everyone! And I'm still alive so that's pretty much the coolest. I ca n't wait to post pictures and use the fifteen Facebook accounts of all the really awesome cool friends I invented to'like' all my fascinating and deep photos. I'm a great photographer. I really like how I captured the pain and suffering of everyone else dying of Ebola. They say `` Ahhh! The pain!!!'' and I say, `` Way to express the human condition!!!'' I am really good at taking photos from angles that expose large amounts of the setting. Well, I'm basically good at a lot of things. The way I take photos is sort of my way of making commentary on the place of the individual in the context of this beautiful world. I'm a pretty deep person, probably the deepest. I'm like the Mariana trench of intellectuals too, it's not a big deal, I just am. I'm pretty artistic and awesome, like basically, if this Apocalypse is the best thing that's ever happened, I'm on the same level but with like, an extra sprinkle of awesome. I mean, everyone died but I'm still here with good old me, my bestie. I always said, if one person is going to survive The Apocalypse, it would be this guy! This whole apocalypse situation is like, it's like... like ice cream on a hot summer day. But better. Plus I basically deserve to be alive. 
 
 Here's a really good haiku I wrote for the occasion! 
 
 This Apocalypse 
 Is like super amazing 
 I love life a lot 
 
 I'm pretty good at haiku. It's because I have great taste in sushi and that makes me basically an expert on Japan, and now that everyone else is gone, I am definitely the leading authority on the topic. I mean I probably was before too, but now it's like, an indisputable fact that I am the greatest and best person in this world. And yeah, you could I guess call this egotistical but you're dead and I'm not... soooooooooo, yeah. Anyways! 
 
 I started coughing a couple days ago, and it's like, a pretty strong cough. It's pretty good, I really like coughing because it's something that comes from me. The whole coughing up blood thing to... MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE. And the bloody diarrhea... I doubt anyone's ever done it like this. I've been eating a lot more than usual just so I can enjoy the sensation of bloody diarrhea even more! I'm tired now, I love being tired, it's great. I'm going to have some awesome dreams about this great Apocalypse... Good night self, you're the best... 
 
 Epilogue: 
 The world is officially a much better place. 
 
 -fin- 
 
 

