[ WP ] Write a murder from the perspective of a cheerful inanimate object

Not a murder but I tried 
 
 In my younger years I lived a life of extravagance, I was regularly out at sea, wind and salty water splashing at me, I have to admit that when the salt dried it used to get between all my crooks and crannies and itch a bit but being out at sea was wonderful, such freedom and glee at being taken out by the man that found me in the a little shop. I ’ m so grateful for that. 
 I stopped getting used as much after a while, I remember a woman doing lots of strange things with the man on the boat that I was on, she came on it occasionally and then I stopped getting used hardly at all. 
 
 My next point of use was for a very small person, I don ’ t know where they came from but the man cut me in half and attached me to a plank of wood, god that was painful, I always wonder whether my other half is like a worm and is now It ’ s own. Anyway, I got used for this purpose for a while, I can ’ t say I enjoyed it much, I never got put away and I eventually started to ache and begin to break at the bottom. I felt ancient and eventually my bottom half broke away, letting the small person fall to the ground. Little sod, serves him right for treating me this way. 
 
 I was then retired to a dark place where there was a big metal machine that made lots of noise that the man and woman got into, I spent a while here, it didn ’ t bother me after the existence I ’ d lived with that small person. It was quiet, dark and all my tired joints weren ’ t being stretched further causing me more pain. My one concern was that I ’ d never get used again. 
 
 Alas, that day came. The woman came and retrieved me from my space, I was brought into their house and down some steps into the basement, there was another man there.. I ’ d never seen him before, he was all bare skinned apart from a rubber thing in his mouth, I was attached to him and a chair. I couldn ’ t think what my purpose was, why would she want to tie this strange man to a chair with me? There were lots of strange noises and afterwards she hit him with me aswell. I didn ’ t particularly like this. 
 I was again, put back to my original place and several times I was again used for this purpose. How strange, I wander where the first man that used me was. 
 
 And here ends my story. The first man, my favourite man came to retrieve me, he tied me from a wooden beam on the ceiling and put a knot a the bottom, ahhh, I love being tied in a good knot, feel like I ’ m back to good use again, he put his head through it and jumped off a chair. What on earth was he doing? He struggled for a bit before hanging still. The woman came in a while after and she did lots of screaming, a little like the strange man I ’ d been attached to. Strange, it ’ s normally the one tied up that does that I thought? 
 
 There were lots of flashing lights and then I was put in a bag and I haven ’ t moved from this place since, I don ’ t really like it much, It ’ s quite warm and I don ’ t see anything interesting anymore. I wish I was back at sea. 

