[ WP ] North Korea kidnaps Santa Claus

Old Kris kringle sat sweating in an overheated North Korean interrogation room. Conflicted, he looked at his captors with disdain; there wasn ’ t a year they made it on the Nice List. The various governmental administrators and military generals, however, looked to Santa with the hope that he cave to their boss ’ s ludicrous commands so they wouldn ’ t have to. The tension in the air remained almost palpable. 
 
 As silence filled the room, Kim Jong Un entered the room followed by his entourage. He snapped his fingers and one of his underlings served a large of platter of sweets on the table between the two figures so diametrically opposed and so larger than life that any regular person should doubt either of their existences. 
 
 “ Cookie, Santa? ” The leader spoke in Korean. 
 
 “ Forget it, Kim, ” Responded Santa in equally fluent Korean. “ Besides, most of these are sugar-covered cardboard. ” 
 
 “ Do not disrespect North Korean delicacies! ” Screamed Kim momentarily losing his calm. “ I trust my friends told you of your ultimatum? You either do as I command or you go to a concentration camp. Your choice, Mr. Clause. ” 
 
 The ancient, generous man fought with his thoughts. If he accepted Kim ’ s commands, then he would give the man on the top of his Naughty List exactly what he wanted; however, if he refused Kim ’ s commands, he would disappoint every good little boy and girl across the world. Finally, Santa sighed, making his decision. 
 
 “ Fine, Kim, ” the bearded figure spoke in a downtrodden voice, “ You win. After my route tonight, I will return to North Korea and give you all the cookies I collect from the world. ” 
 
 “ I knew you would make the right decision! ” the dictator yelled as he jumped in glee like a small child. “ I think I shall celebrate this victory with a bubble bath. Release him. ” 
 
 Santa slowly left the sad, little country, dragging his boots a little. The man just gave up the only luxury and token of thanks he received all year to a mad man with a sweet tooth for the children, but at least, he thought, the children were worth every bit.
