[ WP ] It 's the middle of the night . Your iPhone starts ringing . You wake up . You 're getting a Facetime call from someone who died three days earlier .

My little brother doesn ’ t eat cereal. When he was five he would gag. When he got a little older he would leave the room, saying the smell made him nauseous. He was twenty-two and never ate cereal. He never ate cereal his entire life. 
 
 T.V. makes it easier, like having a comfortable stranger in the room with me. I feel a little less sad when the T.V. is on. When I was twelve, I started to think about infinity and what it actually meant. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I found a public access station showing a local roller-skating rink. It made me feel better. They all looked happy. I am trying to find something that will make me feel better tonight, but my T.V. isn ’ t feeling sad like me. 
 
 3 A.M. and I can ’ t sleep. T.V. doesn ’ t help and my walls are probably painted the wrong color. My little brother smoked pot some times and liked to ride his bike. He wrecked two cars and always insisted on driving stick, because you had “ more control. ” 
 
 I check the ten-day forecast because when nothing matters, the weather is the only thing that matters. I should get a new jacket. 
 
 My mind is wandering when my Iphone lights up. Not a normal phone call, a Facetime feels more urgent. My brother ’ s picture is on the screen. I push the green button, wishing my T.V. were a better friend. 
 
 “ Joshy, ” my brother says. 
 
 “ Jakey, ” I answer automatically. 
 
 “ Are you watching Adult Swim? ” Jake asks. 
 
 When did you get an Iphone? I think to myself. Jake always had an Android phone. 
 
 ‘ There is nothing good on T.V., ” I say. 
 
 “ You get T.V.? ” Jake asks. 
 
 At least I think he asked it, but he might have been crying. My remote control doesn ’ t have enough buttons. I ’ m not sure if it ’ s still three in the morning or something different. Three days since the funeral and I find it hard to keep track of time. They gave me some Ambien to take. It makes me feel warm, like a handful of intimate friends are sitting at the foot of my bed. 
 
 “ Joshy, I ’ m sorry, ” Jake says. 
 
 “ You didn ’ t have to go, ” I say. I wanted to say that nothing is ever as bad as it seems, but that would have felt too much like a cliché. 
 
 “ I just wanted to say goodbye, bro, ” Jake says. 
 
 I feel sad all over, but sort of calm too. Jake didn ’ t kill himself. He never did. 
 
 “ Everyone was there, Joshy, ” Jake says. 
 
 “ Was I there? ” I ask, already knowing the answer. 
 
 “ Yeah, you looked real good, ” Jake says 
 
 “ Did they play it on T.V.? ” I ask, only because T.V. is all I ever think of now. 
 
 “ I wish I could tell you that it ’ s never as bad as it seems. We ’ re all gon na miss you, Joshy, ” Jake says. 
 
 T.V. isn ’ t very good here. Infinity still makes me feel sick. 

