[ WP ] A man orders a `` cheese pizza with no crust '' from a local pizza delivery joint as a joke . Unbeknownst to him , that pizza joint is a drug front and he just placed an order for a kilo of cocaine .

The sound jolted me back to reality, sure enough the phone was ringing. I glance over at the clock, ‘ only 20 more minutes of this shitty night shift ’ I whisper under my breath as I pick up the phone. 
 
 “ Hello welcome to Pizza Palace, may I take your order? ” 
 
 “ Yeah give me-one minuto papi ” A man with a Cuban-accented voice responds. 
 
 Why in Christ ’ s name do people not think of the order before calling? Would make this job a whole lot-fucking easier. 
 
 “ You still there? ” the man says. 
 
 “ Uh, yes sir, what would you like? ” 
 
 “ Eh, let me get a large cheese, with no crus- pendejos callense por favor estoy ordenando el producto! - I ’ m sorry, a large cheese with no crust. ” 
 
 I ’ m used to shit like this, fucking Hispanics can ’ t get their order together. I don ’ t have a clue what he said, but as long as I can finish this last order I ’ m done for the night. 
 
 “ What ’ s the address sir? ” 
 
 “ Just have Manny, deliver it, he knows the address. ” 
 
 “ I ’ m sorry sir, we need you to give us the address… ” 
 
 “ ……. ” 
 
 “ Would that be all sir? May I interest you in some Coke-Co. ” Dial tone. Jesus Christ it ’ s the 80 ’ s you ’ d think people would have a sense of decency. 
 
 “ Manny! Some dip shit ordered a large cheese with no crust-What ’ s the address he said you knew! “ 
 
 “ 155 Para Grand Ln, it ’ s down by Malibu ave! ” Manny responded. 
 
 I snapped back to reality when I saw the fucking Mansion coming up on Grand. I slowly pulled up to the drive way, to the intercom box and stopped in front of the gate. 
 
 “ No crust? ” the voice asked. 
 
 “ Yes, from Pizza Palace. ” 
 
 The gate opened and I drove up, got out the car. Paused for a second to think of a good reason not to just ditch this place and quit on Monday. Found the slightest ounce of dignity and knocked on the front door. 
 
 I hadn ’ t even removed my hand from the door when the door flew open and I was dragged in by the collar on my uniform. The contrast from the darkness of the night and the brightness of the inside of the room blinded me for a second. 
 
 “ This isn ’ t fucking Manny ” 
 
 I heard say coming from the large brown skinned, suit wearing behemoth in front me. This dude must have been 7 ’ 2 and easily 400 pounds of straight brown cotton and slicked back hair. 
 
 “ He ’ s fine, just get the “ pizza ”, give him the money and get him out ” Another voice coming from behind Andre ’ the Giant said. Out from behind stepped out someone who could only be described as a mixture of your typical Cuban Immigrant and Oswald Cobblepot. It was the Hispanic Penguin himself. 
 
 The bigger guy took the pizza box from me, opened the box, and had an audible chuckle once he found out what was inside. I literally could not breathe yet find out what was so funny about a large cheese pizza with no crust. 
 
 “ Alright kid, funny joke but where ’ s the product? ” I pointed to the opened pizza box in confusion. 
 
 Almost on command two beautiful blondes came out from a room and grabbed a slice each and began to eat. That was when I noticed the other women and about 3 other guys in the living room I was in. Almost all the women were topless and the men wearing identical black shirts and slacks. I also saw what was the biggest array of white bricks laying on the coffee table, along with two hand guns and a knife. 
 
 Andre the Giant grabs me again and pushes me unto the wall along the door, this time lifting me up about two feet in the air. 
 
 “ I ’ ll ask you again kid, where ’ s the product? I didn ’ t order no maldito puto to get my pizza. I specifically asked for a large with no crust ” 
 
 “ I ’ m sorry sir, but we don ’ t offer the pluto special on Fridays. ” Which managed to escape my mouth as I gasped for air. 
 
 “ Oh so we have a funny one huh? Well I wonder if our little comedian here will be as funny with Regina in his mouth ” He reaches into suit pocket and pulls out a handgun. For a second I thought Regina was one of the blonde babes. That thought turned cold in my mouth when Andre had in a matter of seconds shoved half the gun in my mouth. 
 
 The next moment there was a loud bang from behind me. Few seconds right before I hit the floor, the world seemed to move in slow motion. I saw a barrage of bouncing fake boobs, Oswald Cobblepot running away from my direction, Police boots and lots of yelling. 
 
 I was awoken by one of the cops. 
 
 “ Hey son, wake up! ” 
 
 “ huh…what happened? ” 
 
 I was outside by my pizza car, confused and dazed as all hell. Last thing I remember seeing was Andre ’ s face as he was being forced into the police car. 
 
 I could only think of how bad of a joke the pluto joke was, god damn my life. 

