[ WP ] Your character is a compulsive liar . One day , after they tell their biggest whopper yet , they find that each time they lie , something very bad happens .

`` Today my entire family died in a massive auto accident.'' 
 
 Is that convincing enough? Did I sound truly heartbroken? It's tough playing the brooding stoic drinking away his sorrows. But how am I going to strike up a conversation with this nice young lady without an ice breaker? 
 
 `` That's terrible!'' She gasps after I nonchalantly speak up about it. I've been staring dead-eyed into my whisky the past 10 minutes to set the mood. 
 
 `` He was drinking,'' I sigh. That might have been a bad move because *I'm* currently drinking but she eats it up anyway. 
 
 `` Oh my goodness are you OK?'' She asks, moving one bar stool closer and placing a hand on my arm. 
 
 Bingo. 
 
 `` I've been through a lot, you tend to get used to-'' did she just fall asleep? 
 
 *** 
 `` It just happens.'' The dreary paramedic tells me. `` You could have an aneurysm right now, there's nothing to do about it really.'' It looks as though he's about to continue but he realizes he's worsening the situation. `` You have a good night at least? Besides this.'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' I lie. Before I can even stand up and walk away there's an urgent buzzing noise coming from the medic's talkie. 
 
 `` Oh my god...'' He trails off. `` I got ta go buddy, have a nice life!'' As he's hopping back into the ambulance I manage to pipe up. 
 
 `` What's going on!?'' 
 
 `` City hall's on fire!'' He yells as the wagon peels off into the night. 
 
 I'm standing there dumbfounded on the side of a long road of seedy bars soaked in piss and dim street light. 
 
 `` Change?'' I jump and flail around to see a ragged old man sitting on the curb, I had n't even noticed him the entire time. 
 
 `` Sorry not today'' I blurt out. I'm about to turn around and cross the street but I stop. 
 
 The bum's head just exploded. *It exploded*. *Pop*. As soon as the words left my mouth his cranium turned into a grey matter firework. It was as if whatever physical forces were holding his skull and brain in just called it a day and went home. 
 
 I do n't even give it a second thought because I think I'm going to throw up. I just walk away, blood and skull still hanging off my jacket. 
 
 `` Oh golly what happened to you?'' An old woman asks as I pass her. I'm surprised she spoke up because I must look like a serial killer. 
 
 `` Too much to drink I say.'' Opening my mouth and keeling over like I'm about to vomit. 
 
 `` Oh that's too bad.'' She says laughing nervously, clearly relieved I'm not about to axe murder her. 
 
 Then her eyes roll into the back of her head and she slowly turns toward me, slack jawed and hunched over like a horror movie grave keeper. 
 
 `` Excuse me ma'am?'' I ask, perturbed by her sudden change in demeanour. She lets out a guttural, baritone groan that no old lady should be capable of producing and lunges at me. She's so quick that her teeth are gnawing at my pea-coat before I can shake her off and run for six straight blocks so fast I'd qualify for Rio 2016. By the time I'm at the corner of the sixth block I fall down on the curb, wheezing so hard the stock price of air must be at an all time low. For some reason bad things are happening to me tonight. I glance over, there's a newspaper headline stuck in a gutter. 
 
 `` Can public healthcare function in the United States?'' 
 
 It hits me. 
 
 `` The current private system is clearly better.'' I say aloud to nobody. 
 
 The paper catches on fire. Whenever I lie bad things happen. If you have n't noticed already I lie a lot. I'm falling off the bell curve in terms of lie frequency, this is a massive problem. 
 
 Despite this I manage to make it to my apartment without incident. I do n't sleep though. I lie in bed and hope that I wake up. I do n't. The phone rings at 6:00. 
 
 `` Hello are you or a loved one in need of life insurance?'' 
 
 `` No.'' I say too quickly. The telephone explodes. My fucking ear is ringing. I'm stumbling around. The fire alarm is going off. I smell smoke and I ca n't fucking see. Within minutes the landlord comes rushing in. 
 
 `` What the hell happened!'' 
 
 `` I microwaved my toast for too-'' wait that's not true. Shit. My landlord gets yanked into an inter-dimensional rift by some kind of tentacle monster. My head is still pounding and my vision is wavy, I feel like I just stepped out of a plane wreck. I hear my neighbour run in. 
 
 `` Holy hell are you OK there buddy?'' 
 
 `` I'm fine just leave me-'' oh god dammit. 
 
 Jerry has turned into a ten foot lizard monster and is now chasing me down the street. At this rate I'd say... 10 or 12 days till the apocalypse? 
 
 I should stress that this all actually happened... oh fuck... I hope you did n't just have an aneurysm. 
 
 EDIT: Spelling and a few things.
