[ WP ] We finally get men on Mars and they discover an old Soviet flag placed down decades ago . The Soviets won the space race but for whatever horrifying reason did n't say anything .

Stanislavsky's Log, day 1: `` Martian atmosphere unforgiving but morale among comrades good. We shall drink vodka tonight in celebration of the motherland's great cosmic achievement.'' 
 
 Stanislavsky's Log, day 2: `` The men are at their wit's end and perhaps can not survive much longer. That dipshit fuck-for-brains Ivan spilled the last of the vodka before celebration last night. Seldom have I seen comrades in such a state.'' 
 
 Stanislavsky's Log, Day 3: `` Fuck this burnt vatrushka of a planet! Cold as shit then hot as balls, and no vodka to quell our sufferings! All is lost! All is lost!'' 
 
 Stanislavsky's Log, Day 4: `` Dear Ivan had an accident and ended up naked as a Jay Bird and locked out of compound in the middle of freezing martian night. Men watched thirstily as the slippery fingered, vodka wasting shit-head choked on his own tongue and died. His privates were small and his courage lacking.'' 
 
 Stanislavsky's Log, Day 5: `` To hell with it! Comrades in Moscow promise us all swift execution should we return home now. No vodka, no deal, I tell them! We shall return to earth, shimmering vodka barrel of universe! How the saying go? Tis better to die on earth, belly full of vodka, than on Mars sober?''
