[ WP ] Write an erotic story using the worst slang terms possible for each act/body part .

I have actually discussed which phrases used in erotica are the most uncomfortable with friends. I'll give a shot. 
 
 `` Oh yehhhhh,'' Helga moaned as Igor pistoned his thick meat into her beef curtains. 
 
 `` Yeah, yeah, take it woman'' Igor hissed as he continued to jackhammer her poontang with his thickness. 
 
 `` Put it in my poop pucker'' Helga ravenously requested - Igor was all too excited to oblige. 
 
 As Igor's strawberry-pink tip pushed against Helga's brown mound she let out a soft whimper. After a few minutes of Igor's one-eyed snake flicking in and out of her butt, Helga thought of another request, this one would even be considered romantic. 
 
 `` Gag me with my butt-juice, Igor'' she demanded. `` Make me your dick slave.'' 
 
 Igor began to pump Helga's mouth with a ferocity previously known only to 6-cylinder engines and honey badgers in heat. 
 
 `` Helga I'm ( enters Phantom of the Opera scene ) *paaaaaast the point of noooo RETURN*... *The final THRESHOLD, * *What warm unspoken secrets will we learn? 
 Beyond the point of noooooo return. *'' 
 
 `` FILL MY THROAT WITH YOUR BABY GRAVY'' Helga calmy replied. 
 
 Igor busted a nut into Helga's mouth, and she gulped it down like the naughty gurl she be, and it was finished. 
 
 I'm probably on a list now. 

