[ WP ] You are a quack doctor who discovers that , miraculously , one of your `` miracle cures '' really does cure everything .

I was just on to the third stage of my porn viewing when the phone rang. On any other day there's no way I interrupt my rhythm at this point, but this was a number I had saved as `` very important'', as are all of my important contacts, so I decided it was probably worth it. 
 
 `` Shawna, you're gon na have to wait, babe'' I said aloud as I quickly zipped up my pants, thinking this caller deserved that respect. 
 
 `` Hello, I am Veronica calling from the Center for disease control, may I speak to Dr. Chris Parker?'' 
 
 `` This is he.. him. This is Dr. Parker'' 
 
 `` Sir, we have some questions for you. Are you able to come see us this week?'' 
 
 `` I am in Spokane, ma'am, I assume you mean come in to Atlanta? Is there a problem?'' 
 
 `` No problem, sir, we just have some questions. We can pay for your travel and stay here.'' 
 
 `` Should I be worried?'' 
 
 `` Quite the opposite, Dr. Parker, please if you're willing we would love to talk to you.'' 
 
 `` Is this about Ebenzynol?'' 
 
 `` As a matter of fact it is, sir, we have received word that it may be the start of something miraculous.'' 
 
 I straightened up in my chair. 
 
 `` You have my attention.'' 
 
 `` Sir, we have gotten a few calls from patients, claiming they could n't reach you, that stated that they have recovered immediately from several different ailments. We want you to come in and help us modify your product just slightly to create a product that can be taken in smaller doses. We really believe this is going to change the world.'' 
 
 I could n't believe what I was hearing. I never intended to actually succeed. It has always been a gimmick. A gimmick that allowed me to sustain life here in Spokane. A gimmick that allowed me to work minimally and afford my 600 dollars rent and entertain my porn addiction. 
 
 `` Yes, yes, I can come to Atlanta. Just tell me where to book and I'll bring a receipt for my costs.'' 
 
 `` Sir, we have that covered. What is your preferred lubrication?'' 
 
 `` Spermici- excuse me?'' 
 
 `` Do you want to punish me? I've been a bad, bad, girl.'' 
 
 `` What are you talking about? That is entirely unprofessional.'' 
 
 `` This call will cost an additional three dollars to continue. Please press 1 to continue.'' said an automated voice on the other end of the phone.'' 
 
 Then it hit me. I had signed up for sex dials at 7 PM every Thursday. I had edited my preferences saying I was a doctor. I like role play. And I'm still a stupid piece of shit who will never succeed at anything other than swindling desperate souls. 
 
 I quickly hung up the phone and reverted back to stage one. My erection would suffer the consequences of my frustrations. 
 
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 Writers note: This is bad and I had no idea where I was going with it but I was bored and I had fun.
