[ WP ] The cast from “ It ’ s Always Sunny in Philadelphia ” somehow enters the GoT world .

[ -cue Heinz Kiessling - Blue Blood- ] ( https: //www.youtube.com/watch? v=B4w0z_iHJzg ) 
 
 **9:15 AM** 
 
 **On the fourth day of the first moon. ** 
 
 **King's Landing, Crownlands** 
 
 
 `` Dude, that chick was gross.'' replied Ser Dennis with bitter scorn. 
 
 
 `` What! Where is this coming from? I thought you said to go for it! Where's the support?'' 
 
 
 `` Ha! Yes, I DID want you to go for it, because I knew if you did n't go for it, you'd be swimming in my wake the whole night.'' retorted the handsome young knight. 
 
 
 `` It's true, I would have.'' the squire admitted, with a devilish smirk. 
 
 
 `` I knew that. So, of course, I had you nail the fatty, so I could slip in niiice and tight with that big-titted barmaid with the sharp tongue. Which I totally did, by the way. Slipped in more than a few times actually.'' The bold knight threw his shoulders back in triumph as he rode upon his equally well-dressed steed. 
 
 
 `` Nice. Well, what happened to you being my wingman, bro? You said if I carried your stupid crap around you'd train me to become a knight! It's been three weeks! We're supposed to look out for each other!'' complained Ronald as he struggled to keep a hold on the reins. `` Slow down, I can hardly keep up with this stupid horse.'' 
 
 
 `` Really?'' snapped Ser Dennis, ignoring his companion's request. `` I thought Charles was your new wingman?'' 
 
 
 `` What? Why?'' 
 
 
 `` Well, you've been spending an awful lot of time with Charles and Deandra down at the High Sept of Baelor. Thought you three were going in on some kind of religious scam. I was kinda hurt that you guys did n't ask me. I love scamming those freaks.'' 
 
 
 `` Freaks? Bro, you better not let the Sparrows hear you talk like that.'' 
 
 
 `` Whatever.'' shrugged Dennis, with genuine disinterest. 
 
 
 `` Anyway. No. It's nothing like that. We just hang out there sometimes and I'll pray to the Seven while Charles collects melted wax from the old candles. Then, while the Sparrows are busy doing their thing, we shotgun casks of wine that the High Septon keeps hidden in his quarters.'' 
 
 
 `` Prayer, huh? Right. Well, THAT does n't surprise me one bit, but I'm glad to see you are embracing the luxury of fine wine at least. Stealing the High Septon's private wine stash? That is genius!'' 
 
 
 `` I know bro! That old bitch is senile as shit! He probably thinks he drinks it all himself, passes out and forgets. What an idiot. He hides it well, but Charlie always seems to sniff it out. It's amazing to watch him work.'' 
 
 
 Dennis paused for a moment, while he pondered Ronald's story. His elegant demeanor quickly dissolved to confusion. `` Why in the name of the Old Gods does Charles need to steal old bits of wax anyway?'' 
 
 
 `` Apparently, your sister is helping him make some kind of cat suit so he can go down into the sewers beneath the Red Keep.'' 
 
 
 `` Cat suit?'' puzzled Dennis, with a tinge of disgust in his tone. 
 
 
 `` Yeah, they use wax to stick cat fur to the suit and Charles is going to wear it while he looks for treasure. Says it'll help him sneak around more better in the dark,'' explains Ronald. 
 
 
 `` What?! That is such a goddamn ridiculous plan.'' shouts Dennis, so loudly that a group of nobles stop to return disapproving glances at the pair. 
 
 
 `` No, you do n't understand,'' continues Ronald. `` Franklen said he knows one of the Kingsguard who patrols down in the tunnels beneath the Red Keep! He says there's so much coin in the Lannister's pockets, Gold Dragons fall down the shitter all the time, dude!. There's got ta be piles of gold down there. We just need Charles to go down there and crawl around in the piss and shit to get it for us. then we'll make Deandra wash it, before we use it. What's the problem?'' reasoned the squire. 
 
 
 `` Is that why everybody in the city thinks the Lannisters just have treasure lying around in the sewers? Do n't be an imbecile, Ronald. It's one of the most well-known myths in the whole goddamn realm! Even if ANY of that were true, the coins would fall out onto the floor when they pulled down their breaches, would they not?! Also, no one keeps gold in their pockets anyway, especially not royal families like the Lannisters. They have servants carry around all that shit for them. Use your head! Think, MacDonald, think!!'' 
 
 
 `` Yeah, I never really thought about it like that. I guess you're right,'' Ronald conceded the point with a nod of his head. 
 
 
 `` Besides, dude. I've been meaning to talk to you about something. A good squire should n't associate himself with gutter trash like Charles and Deandra. Now that I've been knighted by the Queen, we should n't be seen with those fools anymore. We have an image to maintain now! See this armor? This golden musculature was sculpted after my very own body. It fits me peeerfectly. With this armor, I might as well be a god on the battlefield. A veritable golden god.'' 
 
 BANG! A deafening explosion rang out, sending the horse reeling in hysterical fright. Ser Dennis fell back off of his mount, armor crashing loudly as he thudded into the damp and muddy road. The horse shot off down the road, before Ronald could react. 
 
 
 `` Son of a thousand whores! I ca n't believe this! I just bought this outfit! What the hell was that!?'' raged the soiled knight, as his squire helped him to his feet. 
 
 
 Just then, the door to the nearby tavern swung open, smoke pouring forth like black death. From amidst this cloud of billowing ash, a rotund, hairy, little man emerged, coughing so violently his bloodshot eyes bulged from his head. His face, hands and clothing were stained dark with soot. Only his feet remained unsoiled for a moment, before they plunged into the brown muck. 
 
 
 `` WHOA! Maester Franklen!? What the hell is happening in there? shouted Ronald, in a panic. 
 
 
 The balding halfman continued to wretch until he regained his breath. `` Wildfire! Sewers! Treasure! Bomb! Charles and Deandra are dead! They're gone! Toast! All burned up! We got ta go before we end up like the Stark fellow! If the Kingsguard finds out about this, they'll strip me of my title and pull all my funding! Let's go! Time to scram! 
 
 
 Ronald stepped forward to peer into the poorly-lit tavern. He started to piece the story together aloud, `` So let me get this straight. You guys were trying to make a wildfire bomb to bring down into the sewers, so you could what? Blow a hole in the wall of the Lannister's treasure room? Are Deandra and Charles really dead?'' 
 
 
 `` That's what I'm telling you, MacDonald! There ai n't no way they could survive that hellish inferno. I put in enough wildfire to take out half the Kingsguard. I barely had enough time to scramble back up to the surface before the fuze set off. I'm telling you. They kicked the bucket!'' grumbled the old maester. 
 
 
 As the odd looking trio stared into the smokey tavern, a voice suddenly interrupted from behind, `` I would n't be so sure of that, you old son of a bitch!'' 
 
 
 `` Charles! You made it out! Oh, I'm so happy to see you alive! I thought for sure you burnt up to a crisp down there! Where's Lady Deandra?'' questioned Franklen. 
 
 
 Charles stood uncomfortably in a skin tight leather suit, with multicolored fur stuck here and there in patches of crusty yellow wax. He answered innocently, `` Oh her? She's probably all burnt up, yeah. I left her down there about an hour ago. She got her gown snagged on a rusty pipe and I was really excited to go try on the cat suit, so... But hey! It looks great, does n't it!? It fits me so well! It's a little itchy, but we can always make adjustments later, once we-'' 
 
 
 `` So my sister is definitely deceased then?'' snapped Dennis, abruptly interrupting Charles' aimless rantings. 
 
 
 `` I would say so,'' replied Charles, sheepishly. `` Are you upset? You wan na talk about it...?'' 
 
 
 `` That's cool,'' grinned Dennis, quite pleased with the new development. 
 
 
 Ronald chimed in, `` Well, if you're done with your sewer-bomb-treasure plan, you two could always pop on this knight plan with me and Dennis! There's always room in the party for traveling vagrants! 
 
 
 Dennis squirmed at the suggestion, `` Well, let's hold back a second, because I think we got a pretty good thing going already. Let's not complicate it anymore than we need t-'' 
 
 
 `` I'm gon na be a knight too!'' beamed Ronald with childlike wonder. 
 
 
 `` Oh well, then you're going to need a squire of your own eventually, am I right?'' reasoned Charles. 
 
 
 `` That's absolutely right, Charles! Until then, you can tag along and be our minstrel or fool or something like that.'' 
 
 
 Maester Franklen, stepped in, reinvigorated with a new sense of purpose, `` Oh that's good! And I'll disguise myself as a cleric. Every traveling band needs a healer. Here comes the knight train! The knight train is coming! Ach-a-cha! Ach-a-cha!'' 
 
 
 `` No, no! A thousand times NO!'' whined Ser Dennis of House Reynold. `` I am the only knight here! I was the one who used his very classy connections and manipulated his way into this very honorable title! I'm putting my boot down on this! Absolutely not!'' 
 
 
 There was a long pause, as Dennis looked around at his comrades. 
 
 
 Charles was first to break the silence, `` I'm gon na be a knight too.'' 
 
 
 [ -cue Heinz Kiessling - Temptation Sensation- ] ( https: //www.youtube.com/watch? v=idoYCVLh2qI ) 
 
 
 **It's Always Sunny in King's Landing** 
 
 
 *'' The Knightmen Cometh'' *
