[ WP ] A lifetime to build , yet a moment to destroy it all .


 
 We stared at each other across the table. My mouth hung open like I was an idiot. He looked at me, his face blank. He did n't care. His jaw was slack. 
 
 `` Please,'' I whispered. I set my fork down and blinked slowly. `` Michael, please. You do n't mean that.'' 
 
 `` It's the truth, Diane. I fucked your sis-'' 
 
 `` No! Stop it. *Shut up*.'' My voice carried throughout the apartment and was lost on him. He hated it when I yelled, even at sports games. And yet, even now, he stared at me unaffected. 
 
 `` I think we should-'' 
 
 `` You do n't get to say what you think.'' There was a *blublublublub* in my ears. My head was pounding. I stood up quickly and the seat tumbled behind me. `` You do n't get to do this to me.'' 
 
 `` Pl-'' I slammed my hands on the table before he could get the word out. His words were like razors being forced in my ears. 
 
 `` I ca n't stand you. I ca n't *stand* you. How dare you cheat on me and then tell me you're leaving me? What gives you the right to take away *my* happiness?'' 
 
 He looked up at me through his lashes and my legs quivered. I remembered when we were younger, all those bright, glorious years ago. I was five, he was six. We met at church. He liked my coloring of Joseph and Mary on the donkey. I liked his hair so I pulled it. It was love at first sight. 
 
 He grew up so beautifully. He completely skipped the awkward stage. Everyone was so in love with him, but he only had eyes for me. Even during our coy friends-who-can't-admit-they're-in-love phase, he still looked straight at me whenever girls approached him. When he proposed- 
 
 No. Shit. Do n't do this. My whole body was shaking. My whole being was shaking. Everything was jolting and pushing and pulling around me. 
 
 `` Even now, all you care about is me leaving you. You're not even angry about the fact that I slept with her. You just do n't want to be alone.'' 
 
 I remember Rhonda was so in love with him, too. She always sat right next to him at family dinners while I sat across. She laughed so *hard* at his jokes. Maybe that was when it started. Maybe she slid her hand up his thigh and grabbed hold of him there, while I sat across from them, happy that my family was getting along so well. 
 
 I screamed. Tears were streaming down my face. 
 
 `` Diane-'' 
 
 `` Did any of this mean anything to you?'' I could n't muster the strength to gesture to our apartment. Our measly, awful, dingy apartment. After all our years of working together, we had this to show for it. A box with all our belongings in it with a welcome mat in the front. 
 
 `` Of course it did. Of course. But you...'' 
 
 I brought my eyes to meet his. I sat down slowly. I focused on the way the seat felt on my legs. 
 
 `` I never wanted to hurt you, but I was suffocated. You were always needing validation, you needed me to always assure you I loved you. And I did. I do. But the constant allegations?'' He finally showed some emotion. He leaned his head on his hand and his eyebrows furrowed. `` The interrogations? I could n't do it anymore. I ca n't.'' 
 
 I blinked. `` Michael.'' 
 
 `` Even at our wedding, you thought I looked at your bridesmaid for too long.'' He burrowed right through me. `` What was her name? I do n't even remember. But you have always been so... territorial.'' He stared at me silent for a second. `` I'm not a territory. I am not something you own. I am a man.'' 
 
 My mouth still hung open slightly. `` And she can probably have a baby, huh?'' 
 
 He avoided my eyes. I nodded. `` *I'm* not a territory. I'm not a baby maker, Michael. I'm sorry I'm *barren*,'' the word hung for a moment. We refused to speak it since the doctor told us. We avoided the subject altogether. `` But I am not a uterus. I am your *wife*, and I loved you so much.'' 
 
 `` I love you, too.'' 
 
 `` No, no. I do n't love you anymore. Because I loved you for being kind, and gentle, and understanding. I loved your staying with me through everything. I do n't....'' I shook my head. `` If everything you're saying is true, then it was all a lie. Right?'' 
 
 He wiped his mouth on the napkin in front of him. `` You vindictive bitch.'' 
 
 `` Yeah.'' I looked up at the ceiling. `` You can come back tomorrow morning and we'll sort everything out then.'' I met his eyes once more and took a long look at them, soaking them in for the last time. `` *Until* then, I want you out of my house.'' 
 
 `` House?'' He laughed me cruelly. 
 
 `` Get out,'' I whispered. `` Or I'm calling the fucking police.'' 
 
 He stared at me as he stood up and moved towards the bedroom. 
 
 Now it was my turn to be cruel. `` Now. Michael, I swear to god if you do n't leave in the next two minutes....'' I closed my eyes and breathed deep. There was a deep, deep pressure on my chest. `` Get out.'' 
 
 And in that moment, I watched my life walk out the door. As if it were cheap wallpaper, my happiness went right along with him. As did my sadness, my pain, my anger. I was left alone with a fly that was buzzing on the light. I was unsure of how to proceed now that I was just Diane. Not Michael and Diane, Diane and Michael, Michael's wife Diane, Diane and her husband Michael. Diane. Diane. Just, Diane. 
 
 -- -- -- - 
 
 I did n't use the exact phrase, sorry!!
