[ CW ] Use 5 of these terrible analogies in a coherent story

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. Jenny knows it isn ’ t though. She ’ s certain that it had moved a minute ago. Wagged the lamp shade at her and turned just enough to give her less light on her paperwork. She reaches up and tilts it back to light her paper again, returning to working in the noisy common area. 
 
 “ Hey! Jenny! ” Cris waves at her from across the room and Jenny waves back, refusing to budge from her seat. Cris hurries over, leaving her boyfriend where he stands, Heath already looking over a girl nearby. Cris and Heath ’ s love burns with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection. It needs to go away and medication in the form of alcohol. Jenny swallows her pained look. She doesn ’ t want to hear about how happy Cris is this week just for her to take it back tomorrow. 
 
 “ Hello Cris. ” Jenny greets her once she ’ s close enough. Cris beams and Jenny braces herself for the incoming flood of how wonderful and sexy Heath is. Instead, someone cuts Cris off as she prepares to speak. Someone on the karaoke machine that had been ignored most of the night. Heath has his eyes fixed on the small, thin girl singing. Using the term loosely of course, as when she tries to sing, it sounds like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment. She giggles every so often as she shakes her ass, letting everyone know exactly how drunk she is. 
 
 “ Sofia got someone to sneak some booze in then? ” A scowl is taking shape on Cris ’ s face. Jenny can ’ t take her eyes away from the train wreck that is Sofia. Neither can most of the males in the room, single or not. 
 
 “ I suppose so. ” Jenny glances towards Heath. Sofia ’ s drunken antics have him like a toenail stuck in a shag carpet. The second Cris noticed, he would be in trouble. And that isn ’ t a matter of if, it would be when just based on how hard he ’ s watching Sofia ’ s ass bounce. “ It ’ s how it usually works. They bring her booze and she puts out. ” 
 
 “ I don ’ t know how they can stand her. ” Cris leaves the sentence as is, Jenny simply nodding in agreement. Sofia is showing off her best feature, considering if she turned around, she would probably turn off most of the men staring at her. Like a magnet, she ’ s attractive from the back, repulsive from the front. Sofia stumbles off the makeshift stage, right into Heath ’ s arms and Jenny looks away, shaking her head. Cris is certain not to take this well. 
 
 As if on cue, Cris hurries towards the two of them, the scowl overtaking her face. Sofia ’ s laughing though, hanging off of Heath, unable to stand straight. She has a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes before it throws up. And the idea is definitely accurate. Heath ’ s got vomit over his shirt seconds later. Jenny returns to looking at her work just to notice that the light has moved away again. 
 
 She looks up with a frown, reaching up for it but stops short. The lamp has moved halfway across the room, close to the door. Jenny eyes it before glancing towards her cup of water. She then packs up her things and heads for the door as Cris starts a fight with the drunken Sofia. Heath stripped his shirt off, throwing it into a nearby trashcan as he watches the fight with interest. Either way, he ’ s probably getting laid. Jenny holds her clipboard tight to her chest as she slips out the door. Based on the lamp, she needed some sleep.
