[ WP ] You have broken into someone 's house , and discover a shrine dedicated to you ...

Floating. That ’ s the best way to describe this feeling. As though elation is a fuel projecting me through the cosmos. Perfection. 
 
 Occasionally, when my mind goes dark, I feel the pain - unfathomable pain - and I see myself face down in some strange back-alley. But that is not the truth. That is not how I ’ ve chosen to live my life. I suppose, though, it is a good reminder of how painful life can be. 
 
 It ’ s funny. I mean, I really can ’ t believe it took me this long to see the beauty that ’ s all around me. Everything ’ s just so perfect! Even painful moments seem to have some inherent beauty as they contrast my current state of blissful awakening. 
 
 But pain can ’ t hold the same kind of beauty as the unconditional love I feel as a planet hurls me around its orbit, slingshotting me deeper into the night. I feel it even more when I swim inside the stars. It truly is pure bliss. 
 
 I just wish Kendra was here to experience this pure, unadulterated bliss. The only way I feel her now is in my dark times; my painful times. Something about that cold, wet alley, and that intensely painful feeling, reminds me of her, reminds me of the love we shared - a love that has now blended and blurred with the rest of creation. 
 
 I remember her long, flowing hair, and how it smelled of cherry-blossoms, and how the paleness of her skin was matched only by the smoothest white of the moon. Of course, the moon doesn ’ t have spiky vines tattooed across it like Kendra ’ s left arm did. And that night - as our two bodies became one, and while my picture hung on the ceiling directly over us - had a complete ineffability. Surely Kendra was as close to bliss as I ’ d ever been before now. 
 
 I can always feel it coming. No matter how far I drift, the pull of the Earth is too great for me to escape. It ’ s my wrist this time; the first thing to hurt. Suddenly every planet, moon and sun, with all their warmth and love, become obstacles in my journey home. Crashing through them, my body is reminded of its unlimited threshold for pain. But the worst part - the part that hurts the most - is crashing back onto this hell-hole of a planet; crashing back into this body, this facade of self. 
 
 Kendra! 
 
 It couldn ’ t have been.... Why would she be… The shrine! I remember the shrine! And the… Oh God! My arm! Is that my arm?! Its only means of attachment now is the thorn-covered vines wrapping it and my body. 
 
 This can not be real. This can ’ t be the truth. I have felt truth, and it is not so full of pain and misplaced trust. I need to leave. I have to go. I have to float back up and feel the warmth of the sun. 
 
 Just as my spectral body starts to go, however, I hear a familiarly beautiful voice softly inquire, “ where are you going? ” 
 
 Looking back just isn ’ t my style. The only thing the past ever holds for me is more pain. Looking back is why I ’ m here; why I came back; why I always come back. 
 
 But I have to look back. I *have* to end this cycle of pain and bliss. If not now, then when? 
 
 As I slowly turn to see, every moment explodes into a brand new universe, where space erodes my mind; where non-existence implores me to run. As I rotate my spectral head, every fiber of every muscle seems to hold a new way to remember, and a new way to suffer. 
 
 I remember waking up feeling totally lost. I was only sixteen, how is it possible that neither of my parents wanted me? It had to be me. I had to be the reason they left. I was too much for them. Too much work; too much pain; too much to love. The cold, hard cement was all I had left. 
 
 Turning more to take in a larger fraction of the scene, my body now screams in agony, begging me to leave; to once again swim inside the stars. Memories flood my being once again, as my skin feels like it ’ s peeling off. 
 
 I finally found people who loved me. Sure, it was the tough kind of love, but at least I found some family. Most people were terrified of us, and somehow that brought me comfort. While we didn ’ t operate inside the law, we operated with each other in mind; the good of the group. We ’ d steal, rob, and even kill if it helped the group. 
 
 Now my physical body is in full view. I can see it laying naked in the cold, damp alley; sprawled like piece of bird shit. My left arm, now visible in the light of the moon, lay noticeably separate from my body, clung only by the sharply barbed rose vines. As the vines bind my abdomen in a deliberate-looking pattern, blood oozes from every oversize thorn. Cherry petals swirl around me in the cool Chicago night, their sweet scent patronizing my agony. 
 
 I have to get a closer look. 
 
 As I move toward the scene, another figure becomes visible. It ’ s her! It ’ s Kendra! But. But that ’ s not her real identity, is it? It was one I had created to escape the cruel reality of the situation. 
 
 Just as I begin to realize the overwhelmingly painful truth, more memories flood my brain. 
 
 I was doing a job. Just a routine break-in. Nobody was supposed to be home, and the loot was supposed to be out of this world. As I made my way to the closet with the safe, I started to feel kind of strange about the whole thing. The house didn ’ t have any furniture, and it looked like nobody had lived here for months, maybe years. I figured it was just some rich dude hiding his cash in an inconspicuous location. 
 
 So I continued on into the closet, and that ’ s when things really got weird. It was some sort of shrine, and it was… it was a shrine to me! My picture was plastered on the ceiling, and what looked like hair, nails, and even bones adorned a cloth-covered table. I didn ’ t waste any time even looking for a safe - I needed to run! 
 
 Turning as quickly as I could, I quickly realized my path was blocked by some hooded figure. I immediately started swinging, but had no chance against this obviously beyond-human entity. I managed to knock its hood off, and I am still not sure if I should regret doing so. It was… It was my Mom! 
 
 “ What are you doing here?! ” I spit at here in a rage that had been building for thirteen years. 
 
 Without saying a word, she swung a lead pipe toward my face. The next thing I remember is, well, now. 
 
 Looking at her, I have so many questions. Why would she do this? Why did she leave me? Why did I construct such a crazy story to avoid the truth? I know, though, that time is not enough to afford me an answer to any, let alone all, of my questions. 
 
 Landing gently on the ground next to my body, I feel a deeper peace coming over me than anytime during my trips through the cosmos. My path is clear. 
 
 I crawl back into my body, and feel every fiber of my being entrenched in pain. Moments become eternity, but moments are all it takes. Even as I feel myself laying naked in the alley, I can see that the cold, hard cement sings perfection as my hot, liquid blood steams across its surface. The contrast is stunning. 
 
 I am going to die. 
 
 May all beings realize peace. 
 
 Edit: Minor typo
