[ IP ] How did it come to this ?

Memories are amazing. 
 
 The ability to retain almost everything a person has felt in a certain point of time, it's almost unreal. I look back at those times that I had spent with her, and everything, good god, things that I thought I would never experience again come flooding back, to the point where I have to choke back tears at the sheer happiness, the joy, of seeing those moments again. However obscure her face is. It does n't matter, it's the feelings that count. We both knew what we were feeling at that moment, and if I could read her mind I bet I could find an identical memory stored in her brain. 
 
 However, it's a fleeting moment of bliss. Kind of like a battery that's already run out, you wait a little bit, and you can squeeze out a few seconds of juice until it shuts off again, and the cycle repeats itself. The memory is gone, and all that's left is the emptiness. The regret. The guilt. The loneliness. 
 
 I look towards the future every day, but am forsaken, for I have no idea what lies ahead. I can only hope, I will find her again one day. However, I am a man of little faith. Look at my beliefs for crying out loud. 
 
 I know, somewhere, that the truth is lying right in front of me. I choose to ignore it, because what I felt those years ago scream at me to not give up. To EVER give up. I've devoted so much of my time to her, so much love, so much emotion. I ca n't let it end like this. I may have given up on many things, but, god fucking dammit, not this. 
 
 And so, I keep her in the back of my mind, just in reach. Like a rabid dog, clutching its prey in rotting teeth, already half insane from disease. I will not let her go. I refuse to.
