[ WP ] You flush a spider down the toilet and as you walk away you notice it has grown in size . It 's now creeping out the basin

`` Oh, fuck me'' I shuddered as the spider crawled onto the nightstand just in my peripheral vision. 
 
 That's the creepiest thing about spiders. They always alarm you the most when they creep out into your peripheral vision, triggering some ancient latent fear response. Afterwards you're all edgy, seeing every shadowy flick of dust as a leg, or a strand of web. 
 
 I watched the large black body scutter across my nightstand directly towards me, reminiscent of that scene in *Aliens* where the facehugger chases Sigourney Weaver across the floor, running on all legs directly towards her/me. 
 Sigourney had a flamethrower/assault rifle. 
 
 I had my size 10 work boot. 
 
 CRUNCH. 
 
 Disgusting. 
 
 I gathered up the remains in several tissues and hoofed it to the upstairs bathroom, eager to flush this pile of goo and legs and be done with it. I drooped the wad of tissues in the toilet and heard the satisfying flush. 
 
 I turned to leave the bathroom as the toilet was still flushing, when suddenly I heard that ever distinct sound of the toilet stopping mid flush into silence. Exasperated, I turned and saw the bowl was now rapidly filling with water, the pipes clearly unable to handle the size of the terrible cargo of which I ’ d attempted to force down its steel gullet. 
 
 “ GODDAMIT ” I yelled to nobody in particular. I went into the cupboard under the bathroom sink and retrieved a plunger. I stuck the plunger into the bowl, was nearly filled to the rim now with water, and began to plunge, trying to masturbate this horrible deposit into the tubes by working that wooden shaft up and down like it owed me money. 
 
 As I plunged, the pipes made a horrific gurgling sound with each movement upwards, like a dog heaving to throw up, or the sound a girl makes when she ’ s downed one too many purple nurple shots because it ’ s her first night out drinking trying to keep her liquor down, daddy doesn ’ t love her, and she really wants Mike to give her a few purple nurples by morning; ) 
 
 Funny how those all 3 sound so alike. 
 Anyway. 
 
 After several plunges, the pipes finally let out a loud belch like a fat Mexican on his 8th burrito and tequila mix, and out came the wad of tissue drifting in the bowl. 
 
 But underneath I thought I saw a shadow of something move. 
 
 Maybe I brought a turd or two up with it? 
 
 I pushed the tissue aside to look, and was greeted by a goddamn spider sitting on the bottom of the bowl, staring up at me with all 8 of its eyes. 
 
 Except this thing couldn ’ t have been the same spider. 
 This was the size of a goddamn tarantula. 
 
 I screamed like a 4 year old girl coming downstairs on Christmas morning to find Santa jerking an elf off into my Christmas stocking, and began to furiously attack this giant black monster that had jammed itself in my pipes. 
 
 The damned thing managed to crawl out of the bowl, and was nearly to floor before finally succumbing to the blows I was delivering. Its body crumbled to pieces, leaving bits of body, legs, and goo everywhere amongst puddles of toilet water. 
 
 Feeling triumphant, I flushed the toilet to clear out the pipes, put on a pair of rubber gloves, and between episodes of choking down vomit, gathered up the pieces of the spider, dumped them into the toilet and flushed them the fuck out of my life forever. 
 
 I mopped up the floor, and proceeded out of the bathroom, ready to move beyond this episode of my life. 
 
 Then I heard a sound. 
 
 BANG 
 
 CRACK 
 
 SCREECH 
 
 THUDTHUDTHUDTHUD 
 
 It seemed to be coming from inside the walls downstairs, and was making its way up the walls, towards the bathroom. 
 
 I ran to the bathroom, stopping at the door, as I saw cracks appear in the flooring surrounding the toilet, like something was trying to force its way through the damn floor. With a tremendous CRACK, the floor split, and I swear to baby Jesus a spider the size of Shaq pushed the chunk of floor ( with toilet still attached I might add ) away like a trapdoor flap and crawled onto the remaining bathroom floor. 
 
 With legs at least half the length of my body, the spider sat there quietly. 
 The only noise it made was a small chitterling sound as it stared directly at me. 
 
 Then it lunged forward. 

