[ CC ] Shaping a person

Hey so well done for being brave enough to put your work up being critically reviewed. Although I can see quite a few things I'd change I'd just focus on a couple of things the next time you write. 
 
 
 For each character you write, make sure you can come up with at least a sentence about them. Currently I do n't know a lot about your main character at all. I do n't know what they look like, I know very little their personality just that single viewpoint they mention on society. Other than that I know their name and that's it. I think the trap that most new writers fall into is that while they might have this wonderfully developed character in their head, they do n't actually put that on the page. While the plot may be interesting it's always the characters that give the reader someone they can root for or relate to that really keeps your reader invested. 
 
 
 The other thing I'd mention is showing not telling. You very briefly mention the dad leaving and the mum dying. You ca n't just brush each of those events off in a single sentence. You need to show and explore the pain the mc has gone through. The effects on his life, how it's changed him. 
 
 
 Think about Harry Potter. JK did n't brush off Harry's parents death in two lines. And after that she spent quite some time showing just how miserable Harry's life was now living with the Dursleys and showed it in several different ways. That built up a lot of the sympathy that go the reader emotionally invested in the character. 
 
 
 My last bit of advice is this. Start with something that will grab a readers attention. You want something to hook the reader in quickly to your story while you establish characters. A question or a conflict. So in this case you could immediately raise the question of what is the blue thing hovering over Dad's head. The fact is at the moment I do n't really care about the kid at the start or the parents because I as a reader just do n't know enough about them yet. 
 
 
 Anyway I can go into further detail if you want but those are the things I'd concentrate on to start with. Anyway the more you write the better you get. Keep it up OP. 

