[ WP ] Clone-A-Friend , Inc. lets people buy clones of celebrities who have sold the rights to their genome .

Good evening, America. This is a slightly diluted version of Anderson Cooper, bringing you breaking news. 
 
 *Outraged*. that's the word that escaped the lips of Jennifer Lawrence when she found out that her genetic code got leaked and uploaded to Clone-A-Friend's user section. On another pair of the actresses's lips, seamen. On another... well more seamen for the most part. As of now, the FDA, why *they* are handling this investigation, I do not know, but they have determined there to be approximately 50,782 and a half Lawrence clones in the homes of America. An in-depth investigation confirmed that the half-download was due to budget problems and the man, whom wished to remain anonymous, decided to'just turn her into a mermaid.' 
 
 Right. You ca n't fault him for remaining anonymous there, can you? 
 
 Anyway, Lawrence, along with Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Hudgens have decided to sue the multi-gazillion dollar company... wait, I'm getting word that gazillion is n't a real number. Uh-huh, I see... multi-billion dollar company for all it's money, which is estimated to be in the *gazillions*. No? How much? Oh, I see. I said I get it, Dave. 
 
 Clone-A-Friend was ready for this moment, having seven seperate, but equal Johnnie Cochran clones on retainer. When making the possibly racist statement, the company attracted wide media attention, but was alleviated of it when the clone of Jesse Jackson defended them. It was later discovered that Jackson was not actually a clone and in fact, he simply wanted the attention of the press. 
 
 This story raises many questions as you can imagine, such as'why does n't the company simply take down the genetic code,''why does the administration in charge of food and drugs monitor clones,' and'who stole my cereal?' Seriously, I *just* poured it. Dave? Probably Dave. 
 
 That's all for now, reporting live on CNN, Anderson Cooper's clone, because apparently the real man is too lazy to show up to work.
