[ WP ] You 're a spin doctor in the PR department . Employees in your company have been spontaneously combusting . Assure the public that everything is fine .

Ladies and gentlemen, I can assure you that our products here at Uncle Edna's Baked Goods are completely safe and our factory conditions are among the best in the world. And when 16 of our fellow employees were found in their homes, having inexplicably burned in excess of 4000 degrees, I'll admit, I felt concerned. Our management has expressed their deepest condolences. Off the bat, I'd like to deny outright that our water supply is pumped from springs neighboring an old chemical weapons facility. Additionally, the yellow fog seen wafting from our facility every third Thursday of the month is, in fact, harmless tree pollen. That said, we recommend you stay no less than 175 yards away from it in the case that you may have an allergic reaction. We here at Uncle Mom's believe in sustaining our natural environment and welcome visitors to view our factory for themselves via our virtual factory simulator in the lobby. I'm sure you'll find it most satisfactory. As for the security camera footage posted online regarding a worker who was exhibiting signs of schizophrenia prior to his explosive immolation, I can assure you, he had submit THIS resignation about 6 hours beforehand. So, technically, he was not employed when this occurred and we are confident that his condition was unrelated. I will not be taking questions at this time, you can find more information and FREE samples in the lobby. Thank you!
