[ WP ] Planet Earth is not the only planet to inhabit intelligent creatures . Mars has had a colony of aliens for centuries . The human race and the Martian race have no idea that the other exists except for the world leaders of the two planets .

`` Why ca n't they just fucking share some?'' 
 
 `` Dude, I do n't know - they have always been douche-bags. How long have you known about them now?'' 
 
 `` Just a couple days now. I just thought that the first intelligent race we interact with would at least give us some pointers or advice on the universe. I mean, we did send them 500 trillion tons of coffee beans last week like they asked, right?.'' 
 
 `` What do you think they did with those coffee beans? They got high and laughed at us. That's what they did.'' 
 
 `` Ugh - you would think that they would care just a little bit. I mean, we do share the same solar system and our planet is millions of times as populated as theirs. It's only a matter of time before....'' 
 
 `` Enough of that talk! We are a civil people and even though they are fucking assholes we have to maintain the status quo. Remember that they can destroy us in an instant if they wanted to....you were briefed on this.'' 
 
 `` Ugh, I know. But it's just so much bullshit man. There's only 3 of them hogging all those coffee beans - and I bet they do n't even share with their underlings who literally just comb the Mars desert all day looking for stray beans. I like coffee too - and since they are so addicted we've had to trick the human race into thinking they are drinking coffee, when in fact, they are drinking something totally different.'' 
 
 `` Heh, it's kinda funny when you think about it. If they really knew what they were drinking....'' 
 
 `` Hahaha, I know right? Anyway, what's the plan here - do we just give in to their demands?'' 
 
 `` That's the plan. I know you are new at this so just try not too look too frazzled. They may make fun of you. Have you ever seen one of them?'' 
 
 `` No, but Debbie told me they just looked like purple Jabba the Huts with funky hats on...'' 
 
 `` Yeah, kinda - but did she tell you how big they were?'' 
 
 `` No - but how big could they be?'' 
 
 `` They did n't evolve on the planet, Mr. Obama - they fucking took it. Those losers come from a planet 100x the size of Jupiter and with 150x the gravity of earth. They are fucking huge - and strong....really really strong.'' 
 
 `` Bullshit.'' 
 
 `` Dude, you have no idea. They are nearly 4 kilometers in diameter - each.'' 
 
 `` No way.'' 
 
 `` Yep - and they have really big guns, man.'' 
 
 `` Why do we even call them a `` colony'' anyway?'' 
 
 `` Well, they technically `` colonized'' the planet centuries ago - but that was just because they were planning on the coffee bean thing once the human race started cultivating them. They are too big to do it themselves. You were briefed on this.'' 
 
 `` So....they came all the way here, and live in giant holes on Mars just to get high all the time off our coffee beans? And demand we give them over, or else?'' 
 
 `` Yep - that's pretty much it. It's why we have SpaceX. It would be nice if we were going to explore and colonize Mars - but in reality we just need a more efficient way of getting those douches more coffee beans.'' 
 
 `` Those motherfuckers. Harry, dial them up. I'm ready.'' 
 
 Dude, I think you need to chill out before you go on another one of your fits. Remember what happened when you tried to do the whole healthcare thing a couple weeks ago?'' 
 
 `` Shut the hell up, man. That shit worked.'' 
 
 `` Dude, it was a complete disaster. I know you have only recently been brought up to speed here, but this is a delicate matter.'' 
 
 `` Just spin up the fucking line, Harry.'' 

