[ PI ] [ EU ] DEADPOOL has been drugged , abducted and dumped on a seemingly desolate planet ... ..it is the Predators training ground .

`` FUCK ME! What did I have to drink last night? I have the heaviest hangover, was I drinking in Scotland or something because WOWZA I think I actually died and came back aaaaaand where am I?'' 
 
 `` *Are you talking to me or the writer? *'' 
 
 `` Well you ARE technically both so could you tell me?'' 
 
 `` *You always ruin the suspense Wade. It's the home to the Predators. *'' 
 
 `` Oh you mean the guys from those Sci-fi movies? That one with Arnold Shawhatswhatsbegger? Then all the ones with aliens or xenomorphs or more'totally-not-tentacle-porn' machines in them. Man I love tentacle porn... And those movies.'' Deadpool stood up and breathed in the air, looking around at the beautiful scenery... 
 
... 
 
 `` So does anything happen or am I supposed to walk for a couple of hours before standing on a trap or something?'' 
 
 `` *You're supposed to explore! *'' 
 
 `` Nah, let's skip that part of the story, let's just go straight to the AH MY STOMACH!'' 
 
 `` *Well look at that you teleported up a hill into a trap that impaled you against a tree. You should be more careful. *'' 
 
 `` Aww come on I just wanted to skip all the boring exposition and description of my feelings. I hate those parts of stories, ACTION ACTION!'' Deadpool took out a sword and cut the spear in half, walking forward off the tree. `` OH! Hang on writer, got some entrails caught on the spear.'' 
 
 Sigh, he leaned back and cut his intestines free before, oh come on hurry up you said you were the one who got bored by this! Stop pushing all your guts back in and let it the reader assume you regened it all. 
 
 `` Hey it hurts losing kidneys man! You ever get that feeling when you have 4 dozen apples and your stomach acid burns you? It's just like that!'' 
 
 `` *I told you 4 dozen was an obscene amount... *'' 
 
 `` Life is about experiences! It was fun!'' 
 
 Can we get back to the story please? And why the hell did you eat **4 dozen** apples? 
 
 `` I wanted to know if I would get superpowers.'' 
 
 YOU ALREADY HAVE SUPERPOWERS!!! 
 
 `` Superhealing? Totally over-rated, now imagine I had laser eyes like Superm-'' 
 
 A Predator came out of stealth and swung it's bladed arm at Deadpool. 
 
 `` Hey that's unfair I was n't ready! Cheat!'' Deadpool blocked the swing with little effort - annoyingly - and then pulled out a shotgun and blew open the Predators chest. 
 
 `` BOOYAH!'' 
 
 Well that was lame. 
 
 `` What? What was wrong with that?'' 
 
 `` *He is trying to write a thrilling action story and you just pulled out a shotgun from nowhere. You did n't even have one at the start of the story. *'' 
 
 `` Yeah but the writer did n't define that I DID N'T so I COULD have!'' 
 
 He's right, this is n't going to be interesting if you do n't actually try to seriously fight them or at least let me set some atmosphere- 
 
 `` Sorry to butt in but I'm thirsty.'' 
 
 For fucks sake can you not just shut up for two seconds? 
 
 `` Hey guy has to drink, I could kill for some Dr Pepper. Some DP. Some peppy preppy. Some-'' 
 
 Deadpool's thirst was sated. 
 
 `` Oh you say you want serious and then you do stuff like that. You're literally worse than Obama!'' 
 
 Ok that's it, I'm done. I've better things to do than write you all day. Whatever. 
 
... 
 
... 
 
... 
 
... 
 
... 
 
 `` See, he still is n't gone. He loves me really.'' 
 
 `` *This is why we have no friends*'' 

