Superman has been diagnosed with alzheimer 's . [ WP ]

`` Give it to me straight, Doc. You sounded pretty serious on the phone, so I came over as fast as I could.'' 
 
 Doctor Fitzpugh nodded at the superhero and hung up his office phone, where he'd been talking to Superman just a second before. 
 
 `` Uh-huh, yeah, I can see that,'' the neuroscientist said, rearranging paperwork on his desk that had been scattered by the wind with Superman's arrival. `` Listen, you know those scans we ran on your brain a few weeks back?'' 
 
 `` Sure. How's it look? Awesome, right?'' 
 
 `` Well, not quite,'' Fitzpugh said, leaning forward and steepling his hands in front of him. `` There's a buildup of protein in your brain that's causing a little bit of cognitive loss. It's something that's degenerative.'' 
 
 Superman's face fell, and his normally super posture sank a little. 
 
 `` You mean, like... Alzheimer's?'' He asked. `` But... I'm super.'' 
 
 Fitzpugh leaned back in his chair. 
 
 `` Not quite Alzheimer's. That's a genetic disease,'' he said. `` What we're dealing with is chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE. It's pretty common in boxers and football players, or hockey players. I'm afraid it's only going to get worse.'' 
 
 `` But I'm the Man of Steel. Muscles that stop bullets. Abs that destroyed a meteor. How can this happen?'' 
 
 `` Well, turns out your gray matter is n't quite as... uh, steely. It's more like a sandstone or something. See, you go flying around doing your thing, and while you're crashing into asteroids or airplanes or what-have-you, your brain goes crashing into the inside of your skull. Have you ever had a concussion?'' 
 
 `` You mean like seeing stars?'' 
 
 `` Exactly.'' 
 
 `` Yeah. A few.'' 
 
 `` Well there you go. And when you shake that off and get back in there -- like a football player -- that's when the real bad ones happen,'' Fitzpugh said. `` Over time, your brain gets more and more damaged. Often the worst effects do n't show up until years afterward.'' 
 
 `` So what am I supposed to do? Be not awesome? Let asteroids destroy the Earth?'' 
 
 `` I'm not saying that. I'm saying that some things that might have been awesome for humanity, may not have been as awesome for Superman.'' 
 
 `` Wow. So what now?'' 
 
 `` Well, you're already showing early symptoms. This whole thing of throwing on a pair of glasses and calling yourself Clark? That's not something a mentally healthy person will do.'' 
 
 `` C'mon. Doc. Look at me,'' Superman said, placing the glasses on his face. `` Eh?'' 
 
 `` Superman --'' 
 
 `` Clark.'' 
 
 ``... Clark. Seriously. What does the Daily Planet pay you?'' 
 
 `` I dunno. Like 35 grand a year.'' 
 
 `` And how much free stuff does'Clark Kent' receive? How many gorgeous 20-somethings does'Clark Kent' nail each week?'' 
 
 `` Uh... like eight or so.'' 
 
 `` How many of your co-workers are plowing models every weekend?'' 
 
 `` Uhhhh... Ron pulled a seven last month.'' 
 
 `` Supes... people know.'' 
 
 `` Naw.'' 
 
 Fitzpugh keyed his intercom. 
 
 `` Tracy, can you come in here for a second?'' 
 
 Fitzpugh's receptionist opened the door and walked in. Fitzpugh pointed across the desk. 
 
 `` Tracy, who's this man sitting here?'' 
 
 `` Th... this man? You mean Clark Kent?'' Tracy looked confused, not sure who she should be playing along with. 
 
 Superman pointed, almost jumping out of the chair. 
 
 `` See?!'' 
 
 `` Supes, you did n't even change out of your Superman suit. Your cape just got caught on my ficus tree.'' 
 
 `` Ah. Shit.'' Superman pulled the red cloth off of the branch behind him. 
 
 `` Look, you need to plan for your future. You're only a few years away from needing 24-hour care, and I do n't know many facilities that will allow a dementia patient with superhuman strength. You need to figure out what you're going to do.'' 
 
 `` All right, Doc,'' the formerly-super hero said. `` I'll give my dad a call. Maybe I can go back home. But what's going to happen to Metropolis without me?'' 
 
 `` I do n't know. The same stuff that happens to every other city. You just need to worry about you.''
