[ WP ] You were the last human on earth after the zombie apocalypse destroyed civilization . One day , you finally get infected by a zombie , but after turning , you realize what you 've been missing out on .

`` You want in on this?'' the Asian zombie dude's voice rings inside my head, as he lifts his blood covered face from the carcass of what looks like a small child. 
 
 `` No, thanks,'' I tell him, forcing a smile. `` I'm vegan.'' 
 
 The number of times I had to say that… I mean, I get it, we're zombies, we need to feed, we're evil, blah, blah, 
 blah… 
 
 But *come on*! We can eat animals! Cows and shit. Hell, I've eaten dogs. I do n't feel good about it, but I have. 
 
 But humans… These guys act like it's no big deal… I ca n't bring myself to do it. 
 
 `` Hippie bitch,'' the Asian zombie says, turning back to face his carcass. I roll my eyes, making way back to the streets. 
 
 God, I'm hungry. 
 
 __________________ 
 
 Ok, first thing about being a zombie I did n't realize: it's slow. I ca n't run. I ca n't even walk, I have to do this silly 
 penguin walk everywhere I go. It's exhausting. 
 
 I bounce my way down Hollywood Boulevard, brushing past other zombies, turned over cars and torn apart billboards of old TV shows and all that crap. I got ta find food. 
 
 I mean, there's food around, sure, but it's like I said… 
 
 Second thing about being a zombie I did n't realize: I still think. I ca n't bring myself to kill a freaking mailman. 
 These guys around me, some of them are way too sick already, they do n't even communicate anymore, I doubt they can think straight. Others – like the Asian dude – they are still rational, but they do n't give a shit. 
 
 Me? I turned less than a month ago. I still have all my brain activity intact. I do n't know how long it's going to last, 
 but I can tell you for sure, at least for now, I'm not killing any – 
 
 `` Hey, sweetie.'' 
 
 I turn around to face a group of zombies in Abercrombie and Fitch ripped shirts, watching me from the front of an 
 abandoned McDonalds. 
 
 `` What are you doing browsing around like this? Wan na party with us?'' 
 
 The voices are all in my head, that's how we talk. That's third thing about being a zombie: You can only talk to 
 other zombies. 
 
 And zombies suck. 
 
 I penguin my way past the McDonalds, ignoring the zombiedouches and stepping into what I think is what's left of the Hollywood and Highland Mall. 
 
 `` Come on, princess! Come back!'' I hear their voices fading in my head, as I step past a huge sign reading – 
 OMINGDALES. 
 
 Jesus, it's boring, walking like this. 
 
 I look around. Does this place have a food court? A Pet store? Anything I can eat that does n't *think*? 
 
 I keep bouncing my way deeper and deeper inside the mall, scanning left and right. Nothing. Dear God, I'm so 
 hungry I think I might -- 
 
 `` Back off!'' 
 
 I look to my left. Just under an escalator, a half-open door reads `` STORAGE ROOM''. It's dark inside. 
 
 *Huh…* 
 
 `` I said back off!'' 
 
 Squinting, I'm able to make out a human figure. A bit out of shape, and carrying what looks to be a shotgun. 
 
 The figure takes a step forward, and a young man, not more than seventeen, comes to light. `` Do n't take another 
 step!'' 
 
 *Dude, I would n't have even seen you if you had n't said anything. * 
 
 `` I'm serious, I'll shoot!'' 
 
 He's holding his shotgun like Britney Spears would hold an Erlenmeyer flask, and he's got a piece of cloth tied 
 around his forehead. 
 
 *Zombie nerds, * I think, rolling my eyes and resuming my penguin walk towards the food court. 
 
 `` Yeah, that's right!'' I hear his voice. `` Fucking zombies all –'' 
 
 But then I hear it, inside my head, `` Hey, there's a dude in there!'' 
 
 And another voice, `` Come on! Right there!'' 
 
 I turn back to find the douchezombies making way inside the mall. 
 
 *You know what? This is not my problem, * I think, trying to ignore the sound of approaching zombie steps behind me. I keep walking. 
 
 `` Over there!'' Comes the voice inside my head again. 
 
 `` Back you devils!'' I hear the zombie nerd scream, behind me. 
 
 *Come on, a Lord of the Ring's quote? * 
 
 This kid is going to die. 
 
 I hear the sound of the shotgun clicking. All right he can defend himself. Then it clicks again. And again. 
 
 `` Oh, man, I forgot the shells!'' 
 
 `` Get him, get him! Oh, he's fat, he'll last a couple of days!'' 
 
 I stop, rolling my eyes again. Shit. 
 
 `` All right, stop, fuckfaces,'' I say, turning back. The zombies have the shotgun boy cornered against his sad little 
 storage room door, with the largest one approaching, hands raised in front of his chest like…a zombie. 
 
 `` Look! it's princess death,'' the large one replies, turning to face me. `` How's it going, sweetheart?'' 
 
 I penguin-walk my way to them. `` Leave the boy alone.'' 
 
 They laugh. I figure this must look very weird to zombienerd over there, watching four zombies look at each other 
 in silence. 
 
 `` Come on, join us,'' large zombie says. `` We'll let you have his belly.'' 
 
 `` Drop it and leave,'' I say, throwing a serious look his way. 
 
 `` Fuck off,'' another one says, and they charge against the boy again. 
 
 `` Oh, shit!'' zombienerd cries, dropping to the floor and pressing his eyes closed. 
 
 I charge, grabbing the largest one by the neck and tearing his head from the rest of his body with a single pull. I throw the lifeless ( not that it was exactly life*full* before, but whatever ) head behind my shoulder and turn to the others. 
 
 `` Holy shit!'' one of the friends say, backing away. `` This bitch is crazy!'' 
 
 I bite onto the dude's face, chewing until I tear half of it away and spitting an eyeball on the floor. He falls down. 
 
 Zombiedouche number three is all wide-eyes at me now, shaking from feet to bloody, surfer hair. 
 
 Oh, yes, zombie fact number four: If you only eat human meat and drink human blood, you're only as strong as 
 humans. If you eat animals, on the other hand… 
 
 `` Get lost, asshole.'' 
 
 I'm a badass, is my point. 
 
 The zombie turns back and, fast as he can, starts penguin away from me. 
 
 Zombienerd is shaking and teary-eyed, watching me from the floor. `` Please do n't eat me.'' 
 
 I sigh, at least internally, and I offer him my hand. He backs away. 
 
 `` Just take it, idiot,'' I say, inside my head. `` I'm not going to eat you.'' 
 
 Still trembling, he reaches out, and I help him up. `` Are you going to eat me?'' he asks, hand still on mine. 
 
 `` No, you fucktard,'' I reply. `` I'm going to get you somewhere safe. Come on.'' 
 
 God, I hope I stop thinking soon. 
 
 ______________________ 
 
 EDIT: [ PART II ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3ol7d8/eve_part_ii/ ) 
 
 [ PART III ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3oleiz/eve_part_iii/ ) 
 
 [ PART IV ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3onz7x/eve_part_iv/ ) 
 
 [ PART V ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3op1ut/eve_part_v/ ) 
 
 [ PART VI ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3op8p2/eve_part_vi/ ) 
 
 [ PART VII ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3opm5x/eve_part_vii/ ) 
 
 [ PART VIII ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3opuqk/eve_part_viii/ )
