[ WP ] You are a supervillain , who moonlights as a superhero because fighting crime does n't pay the bills . People are starting to get suspicious ...

It was all so *simple* when I started. Throw on a scary mask and a trenchcoat, make my way down to the nearest bank, and just *cut loose*. Throw some sound waves, shake the place to pieces. I could usually scrape up enough from the drawers to get by even if the vault itself had supervillain- rated doors. 
 
 But now? 
 
 Social media, man. It changed everything. Now the heroes were making the bank. Used to be, they'd have to fight to get on the evening news and then *maybe* a kindly mayor would throw a reward their way. Now, they just had to get a few people throwing them up onto goddamn *periscope* and their beloved followers would throw piles of cash their way. 
 
 So, I had to make some choices. 
 
 I could n't just switch sides. The public is n't stupid, you know. They'd figure it out if some villain that sounds like the lovechild of a subwoofer and a freight train up and vanished, and suddenly an equally audible hero appeared. And even the public would n't get behind a hero that caused the kind of mass destruction I did on a daily basis. 
 
 If I wanted to cash in on this game I would have to be sneaky. 
 
 Which is how I ended up *here*. Dressed in a bright, neon skintight bodysuit ( Walmart ) and a sleek domino mask ( Halloween USA ). Give me a break. I'm on a budget. 
 
 `` All right, in there! Come out with your hands up! Let's end this peacefully!'' Subtly, *so* subtly amplified, I made sure my voice easily reached the two teens gleefully pointing cell phones our way. I could just barely see the shadow lurking inside the door of the post office, gun in hand. A few figures unconscious in the darkness beyond. 
 
 A freaking post office. *So* not stylish. This villain was an idiot. 
 
 `` Suck my dick!'' The voice bellowed back out at me. 
 
 `` Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? There are *children* watching!'' 
 
'Pure' heroes were faring *very* well in the ratings. Why not play it up? 
 
 The man behind the door swung into visibility just long enough to flip me the bird, but it was long enough for me. 
 
 In my villainous life, I was a blunt tool. Generate a big enough audio wave, find the right frequency, and you can shake anything to pieces. But like I said, that was n't going to fly. Heroes were n't supposed to break things. I needed class. 
 
 Instead, I hummed under my voice, throwing the sound carefully. *Very* carefully. It had taken weeks of practicing on randoms at my local bar to get right, but now it paid off. The sound nailed the villain right on the eardrum and through, disturbing the inner ear. I could hear the anguished scream as he tried to fall back inside, but the disorientation took over. Like a flash, I was in the building. 
 
 `` Do n't resist! It's over.'' The costumed man groaned, holding his head and trying not to puke. He looked... familiar. 
 
 Shit. 
 
 Through bleary eyes he looked up at me, eyes locking onto mine. 
 
 ``....Jerry?'' 
 
 *Shit*. 
 
 `` All right, hands up!'' I called confidently, trying to regain control of the situation. The villain, all right, *Josh from the apartment beneath me, a few years my junior in the villain's society*, leaned back. 
 
 `` Dude, what the hell Jerry?'' 
 
 I muted the sound leaving our room. The cops were still ages away, but those damn cell phones. They were always watching, always listening. 
 
 `` I have no idea what you're talking about, you, you evil little man! Now, if you'll just cooperate...'' 
 
 He glanced over my shoulder. 
 
 ``....Is n't that your Mazda?'' 
 
 *Shitshitshit. * 
 
 `` I have no idea what you're talking about.'' 
 
 `` You *drove*?'' 
 
 `` All the parking farther away was taken, ok? Shut the hell up. And you should talk. A *Post Office? *'' 
 
 Josh grinned. `` Amazon, man. Do you have any idea how many packages are here on a given day? It's like a lottery, all of them waiting for me to pop them open and check out the goods. Never know what you'll find. But do n't change the subject. *What the hell*.'' 
 
 I sighed. `` Rent got raised last month. It's been tough, ok? I had to make ends meet.'' 
 
 `` Well, so do I, *ok*? I did n't expect *you* to be the selfish prick.'' Guilt blossomed. Just a little. He was right. I was just taking advantage of the people who were supposed to be my *brothers*. 
 
 It's not their fault that the game is against us right now. Instead of working behind their backs, maybe it's just time for me to throw in the towel. Find a normal job. Some mining company somewhere surely would have a use for my skillset. 
 
 I'd miss the action, but maybe it just was n't meant to be. 
 
 Unless. 
 
 `` Hey.'' 
 
 He stumbled, trying to get his feet. `` What. *What* is it now.'' 
 
 `` Have you ever watched pro wrestling?'' 
 
 He glared up at me. `` What the fuck kind of question is that?'' Silence extended awkwardly. ``....A little. My kid cousin likes that stuff. He makes me. What does that have to do with anything.'' 
 
 I ignore the obvious opportunity for a jab. 
 
 `` Well, every hero needs a villain. And if all the audience *really* wants is a show.....'' 
 
 I could see the gears working in his mind. Slowly, he looked at me. And grinned. 
 
 I grinned back. 
 
 Oh, this was going to be *fun*.
