[ EU ] Hogwarts has a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher - Gregory House

Everyone looked at the body on the table. It appeared to have died halfway in the transition between man and beast. 
 
 
 
 The new Master of the Dark Arts fiddled with the small muggle device in hands, then scowled at it. 
 
 
 
 `` 4096 again!'' he yelled. 
 
 He looked up at the class, as if they were to blame, then nodded in the direction of the body. `` Give me a differential'', he said. 
 
 
'Huh, sir?'' said Ron. 
 
 
 `` What happened!? How did it die?'' He looked at the class. `` Okay, because you are all MORONS, can someone at least tell me what it is?'' 
 
 
 Hermione's hand shot up, but the teacher ignored her. 
 
 
 `` Anyone?'' He said. 
 
 
 Everyone looked at Hermione. 
 
 
 `` Anyone OTHER than Miss Lovelychops? 
 
 
 `` An animorph?'' Neville asked. 
 
 
 `` NO! 10 points from Gryffindor. Next time use faux-latin.'' 
 
 
 His eyes looked searched the room, ignoring Hermione's erect arm and finger, until his eyes fell on Malfoy, who was still sneering at Longbottom. `` You! And make it good.'' 
 
 
 `` Err... Morticus Vampiricus?'' 
 
 
 `` NO! Another 100 from Gryffindor!'' 
 
 
 Malfoy winced, but then laughed aloud. The non-Slytherin in the class groaned, apart from Hermione, whose face turned the colour of a beetroot. Her arm somehow managed to stretch closer to the ceiling. 
 
 
 The teacher sighed. 
 
 
 `` Alright, you fatbeard's wet dream. Tell us.'' 
 
 
 Hermione drew breath, but barely inhaled again until she had finished speaking. 
 
 `` Clearly it is not an animorph; no substantive transmutative dweomer remains on the body. Nor is it a vampire, as the body has not charred or so much as blushed in the natural light from the window. This leaves only one possibility: the common garden variety werewolf. Otherwise known as... lupus.'' 
 
 
 Now it was the class that held its breath. All eyes turned to their teacher, who looked back for a moment, before returning to the device in his hands. 
 
 
 There was a pregnant pause, and then he spoke. 
 
 
 `` 500 points to Gryffindor.'' 
 
 
 
 
 
 ( Edit: Sorry, it was a bit rough - I did it on my phone. I have cleaned it up a little. )
