[ WP ] Instead of an old doll being haunted , you have a haunted action figure

`` I swear to fucking christ Megatron if you're in here I'm going to seriously lose my shit. I do n't have time for your bullshit today.'' 
 
 
 I had already been late twice this week and my boss said if I was late again to not bother coming in. I have to be on time. I actually got up early too, thankful he did n't transform into my alarm clock again. That's the worst thing about it really. He's 6 inches tall and has never posed any real threat, he's just a super asshole about everything. There are days I pity him, doomed with the unflappable will to enslave all humanity but having no actual capacity to do so. What he can do though, is ruin my morning routine since I was 7 and make me perpetually late. As I stand here at the threshold of my bathroom, I take a deep sigh, and step forward. 
 
 
 First, my morning shave. I forgot to buy razors again and have to find my electric shaver. It's on the counter dead center, an obvious ploy. I look dead at it. 
 
 
 `` What am I,14 again? Where did you put the real one? 
 
 
 No response. 
 
 
 `` Really? Fucking asshole. FINE.'' 
 
 
 I go extend my arm out, expecting the usual jarring shock paired with that goddamned annoying laugh. Surprisingly, nothing. Is that where I really left it? Maybe. Maybe not. Shaving done, time for the electric toothbrush, his old favorite. He knows dental health is a priority for me and I use it often. Another fateful reach and again, nothing. Now I'm worried, he is never this quiet. Usually I foil his morning plans for world domination by now. 
 
 
 I've wasted too much time already. I need to pick up the pace, maybe he's saving it for when I get home? I hop in the shower and am only shampooing my hair when I hear my phone ring with my work's ringtone. Fuckedy fuck fuck fuck, am I already late? Was he really my alarm clock the whole time and only chose to alter time slightly? That would be a new level of dickery for him. I rush out to answer to pickup before voicemail. 
 
 
 
 *BZZZZZZT* 
 
 
 
 `` MOTHERFUCKER that stings! Every goddamn time.'' 
 
 
 `` MWUAHAHAGA! You are no match for the mighty MEGATRON filthy ape! My master plan has begun! Soon your world be be at an end!'' 
 
 
 
 I wish I asked Santa for a Mr. Potato head instead, you know he would of had a sense of humor.
