[ WP ] Demon summoning session went so wrong you 've got Jesus instead

I looked over the instructions yet again to make sure I had everything correct. Pentagram made of ash? Check. Five black candles, lit with five different matches? Check. A book? Check. I placed the book in the center, and looked at the instructional sheet. `` This ritual summons a demon who will do you one favor, then take 1/8 of your soul''. 1/8 sounded pretty rough, but... I really need some cash. I began to chant. `` Spirits of the dark, please rise, for I am calling you to this pla- ACHOO!'' I suddenly sneezed. I hoped that did n't mess anything up or anger the spirits. I continued. `` Ahem -- Plane of existence, where mortal fools tread. May you walk in this world as one of them, wearing the facade of ma- ACHOO!'' I sneezed again. There's no way this was going to work. And now there was a glob of snot on the page? Gross! What did it say there again..? `` Wearing the facade of... Mom?'' Suddenly, the book I had laid out in the center of the pentagram shot open. A ray of blinding white light shot out, as I turned away. I slowly began to face the light, to find my demon had been summoned after all! 
 
 Or so I had thought. Jesus. Jesus Christ was standing before me, smiling down at me. My words were stupid. `` You're not a demon.'' Even Jesus looked a little off put by that comment, as he opened his eyes from his weird'Angel' hover. You know, that thing where you lean back and close your eyes or whatever. He saw the pentagram and the candles, before looking at me. `` Em...'' I never thought frickin' JESUS would get caught off guard. Finally, he spoke. `` You ARE aware that book was the bible, right?''
