[ WP ] Narrate the making of a sandwich in the most epic way possible .

Dale went to the kitchen to get himself some left over chinese food. He pulled open the door and his heart sank. One of his faggot kids must have had them a night time snack. *Goddamn it! * His back up plan was the bag of chicken potato chips that he had been eyeing up all afternoon. Sitting up high in the pantry hidden behind bottles of oil and wine, his excitement mounted - `` Fuck my life,'' he said out loud but not too loud as to wake his family. *Why did I even have kids? * There was only one option left. 
 
 He opened the fridge again glancing back and forth between the fridge door, the shelves and the open pantry he formulated a battle plan. His bloodshot eyes dilated as unadulterated wisdom of the universe flushed his mind with pure genius. He was going to build a sandwich. 
 
 Stashed in a paper bag, in the pantry he found a huddle of fresh white baps. *These will work*, but he was thinking on a grander scale. With a devilish grin he switched the oven's grill and waited for it to heat up. 
 
 He went back to the fridge to hunt for meat. Hidden under a container of yoghurt he spied a flat packet of bacon. Not just any bacon. Streaky bacon. Honey glazed streaky bacon *Phwoooarr! Now we're talking! * He pulled out a pan, and slapped in three strips. *Make it four* he decided on a second thought. 
 
 He delved back into the fridge to forage for more ingredients. Cheese! A resealable packet of grated colby was stashed high up in the fridge door. Things were shaping up nicely. 
 
 He sliced a bap in half with a bread knife, relishing the pillowy interior. He sprinkled some cheese on both sides and placed it in the oven. *About two minutes until perfection* he estimated. 
 
 Meanwhile the bacon happily sizzled away. He watched transfixed as the pale flesh transformed into something much greater. He flipped the slices after one minute, salivating at the smell and caramelized edges of the seared bacon. Honey glazed streaky bacon. 
 
 He realized his creation was lacking something and began to panic. He went back into the fridge with the overconfidence of a firefighter rushing back into the burning house to save the family's pet fish. His eyes darted around, while he counted down the time for the bap and the bacon, *51, 50, 49... * He pulled vegetable drawers out and shoved items aside, looking for a head of lettuce or an avocado. Nothing. *41, 40... * Channeling the wisdom of the universe, he sprinted out of the kitchen, through the living room and out the door to the back yard. *Noone will be up at this hour* he thought while he launched over his back fence to the neighbours meticulous garden. *33, 32, 31..* 
 
 He realized he did n't have a light, but in his mind he had memorized their garden in case of emergencies like this. He rushed to their back wall, feet crunching over the wood mulch, until finding the tomato vines that snaked up trellises. He groped out, needing a miracle. *15,14,13!!!! * He flayed his hands around like someone who just walked into cobwebs. His left hand brushed over that smooth, plump flesh of victory. He plucked it. Dale did n't remember how he got back into the kitchen so fast. He remembered being in the neighbor's yard with but 8 seconds left on his internal clock. Next thing he knew he was standing next to oven, pulling the bread out with one and while taking the pan off the stove with the other. 
 
 He sliced into the tomato with the bread knife, just taking a single slice from its center because why not. He lowered the section, of which all the middle bits had remained in place, on to the gooey cheese. He rummaged through the pantry pulling out salt, pepper and a bottle of smokey BBQ sauce. He swirled the brown sauce into the grilled cheese on the sandwiches lid and applied a healthy amount of salt and pepper to the tomato. Finally, he folded the bacon with a crisp snap and piled it in there. Closing the sandwich with the crackling crust of the lightly grilled bap. He looked at his creation and started to weep. 
 
 

