[ WP ] You 're looking through your email and find out that spam mail does what it says for only you

As he sat there with his usual Friday bucket of chicken and six pack of Holsten Pils, watching a particularly depraved porn flick, Tommy wondered for the third time that day would the world even notice if he ended it all. `` Fuck it, tonight's the night I finally do it'' he announced to nobody. He'd taken to talking to himself these days as he so rarely opened his mouth to initiate any human contact. 
 
 As he moved to click on his next video, half apathetic wondering why he was even bothering to masturbate he spotted a pop up advert `` LOCAL MILFS WANT TO BANG YOU. WE HAVE TOO MANY WOMEN, WE DESPERATELY NEED LARGE FAT LONELY MEN LIKE YOU TO SIGN UP.'' Tommy was momentarily curious, he'd noticed these adverts were becoming more specific and as he looked away he noticed another popup advert, the usual spiel with a fake chat box where a phantom girl asks if you want to chat. `` Tommy, are you there? Do you want to chat? I'm lonely please respond Tommy.'' `` Holy shit'' he said, again to nobody, surely it must be a co-incidence he thought to himself but his crippling depression coupled with his lack of anything to do made him click on the chat window and begin typing. `` Hi, how are you?'' he wrote tentatively. `` Thank god you've responded Tommy, I've been messaging you for months, why would n't you reply? Do n't you think I'm pretty?''. Tommy gasped, `` I never thought these were real'' he frantically typed back `` I think your gorgeous.'' `` Thank god I'd just about given up hope, my names Amanda, I live just around the corner, send me your address and I'll come over.'' Tommy panicked and shut his laptop quickly, this was surely dark forces at work, why would any woman want to talk to him? He finished his last beer and slowly fell into a stupor. 
 
 The next morning Tommy opened his laptop, having forgotten the events of the night before he checked his email. Nothing, as usual, except a few marketing emails and one email from a Congolese general promising him 13 million dollars if he would provide his bank details. Today's the day he thought, I'm going to fucking do it, this world never loved me and I never loved it, who would miss me anyway. As he got up, he noticed a second email from the same Congolese scamster. He tentatively opened it `` Tommy, please why wo n't you take my money? We desperately want you to have it.'' Fuck it, Tommy thought to himself, if I'm going to end it this pathetic cunt can have my bank details and the 38 dollars if he so wants. He sent the necessary details and went into his garage. 
 
 Tommy lowered the garage door, entered his car, lowered the window and started his engine. As he began to grow dizzy from the fumes of the car he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. `` You have a new notification from Natwest, a deposit has been made in your account.'' Dizzy and coughing he opened his account and stared down in disbelief as his bank balance read $ 13,000,038. He coughed and spluttered and with his final breaths cursed his lack of faith in internet spam. The world was not such a bad place, there may have actually been 38 MILFS within his town who wanted to sleep with him. That girl Amanda was likely telling the truth and all the African princes and generals he doubted, oh what a fool he'd been. As his vision went dark, he realised this was the final cruel twist of irony in his miserable existence. 
 
 As Tommy awoke on the garage floor several hours later, with the garage door open and a fireman shaking him awake, he realised for the second time in his life a hybrid car had saved his life.
