[ WP ] A budding young sociopath sits on Santa 's lap .

I want a ho ho ho. 
 
 can you give me a ho ho ho? 
 
 no? 
 
 do n't cry Santa, 
 
 that was just thumb tack in the back of your hand. 
 
 even I would n't cry from that. 
 
 can you go ho ho ho now? 
 
 that was just pathetic. 
 
 try again. 
 
 without crying while you do it. 
 
 believe me, I know it's hard with the gag, Santa. 
 
 I bet it would be a lot easier if you could move your arms and legs and neck and head. 
 
 but you ca n't. 
 
 too many straps. 
 
 why do you have this weird chair in your house? 
 
 why did you invite me into your house? 
 
 why would you have me here when you own something like this? 
 
 what kind of Santa are you? 
 
 see it takes one to know one, Santa. 
 
 you're special like me, are n't you, Santa? 
 
 can you go ho ho ho for me now? 
 
 no? 
 
 oh, good try. 
 
 really good try. 
 
 just not good enough. 
 
 poor Santa. 
 
 I have an idea. 
 
 you know what I want for Christmas, Santa? 
 
 nails. 
 
 long skinny nails. 
 
 can I look in your garage? 
 
 will your garage have my present? 
 
 I just, I just ca n't stand that fake beard. 
 
 I think it would look better if it were attached... 
 
 more permanently. 
 
 how many children have sat on your lap in this chair that you've done horrible dirty things to, Santa? 
 
 how many unsuspecting kids. 
 
 not one of them ever brought their mommy's mace and tazer? 
 
 silly boys and girls. 
 
 I'm going to go peek in the garage. 
 
 I'll be right back. 
 
 I will. 
 
 I promise. 
 
 *footsteps. door opens, door closes. whimpering and fidgeting, maddening struggling. door opens, door closes. footsteps. * 
 
 Miss me? 
 
 you had my Christmas present after all! 
 
 a whole box of nails. 
 
 and a shiny hammer. 
 
 can you say ho ho ho, what would you like for Christmas? 
 
 um, good try. but. 
 
 how many times must I tell you no more crying? 
 
 it makes me depressed to see a Santa that's crying. 
 
 is it the itchy beard that's bothering you? 
 
 or what i did to your privates? 
 
 I'm just going to try one nail and see how it goes. 
 
 I ca n't stand fake beards. 
 
 you should hold still. 
 
 hush! 
 
 I'm coming up on your lap, is n't that what you like? 
 
 you should really hold still. 
 
 this hammer is a little heavy for me. 
 
 *THUNK. Gagged screaming. * 
 
 oh, that did n't work so well. 
 
 I'll get another.
