[ WP ] The first diary entry of a person who has been accidentally forgotten and left on Earth when everyone else has ascended to a higher plane .

Dear diary, 
 
 
 I jerked off twice before I realized something was up. 
 
 I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly the internet goes out. 
 
 No biggie. Just got ta wait a bit. 
 
 
 I restart my computer and go make a sandwich. I go back, sit down, and I've still got nothing. No internet whatsoever. 
 
 
 Now at this point I'm getting a little pissed, so I call up Comcast to see what's up. 
 
 
 I get their shitty bot to answer, and whenever I try and get a hold of a real person, I get nothing but a dial tone. 
 
 
 
 I decide that maybe Comcast ca n't help me. 
 
 
 
 I call up my bud Jim, he's 
 good with computers. 
 
 
 All I get is his voice mail. 
 
 
 Now I'm real upset, so I head outside to get some air. 
 
 
 Now normally there are these kids, my neighbors, some beaner brats who play their little Chihuahua mutt. They're pretty annoying most of the time, so I was relieved that they were n't there today. 
 
 
 In fact, I was starting to think my day was starting to look up. Boy, was I wrong. 
 
 
 I look around my street, and I notice something a bit peculiar. There is n't anyone there. 
 
 
 Now I do n't live in New York or anything, but I do n't live in the middle of nowhere either. 
 
 
 I try and rationalize it in my brain. `` Maybe there's a parade? Or maybe a barbecue? That would explain the mexican kids' disappearance, no way their family would miss out on free food.'' 
 
 
 I do n't see any smoke anywhere, so I rule out barbecues. 
 
 
 I head back in, and switch on the TV. I change the channel to Fox News to see if something big happened. 
 
 
 I see no one. On the bottom some text is on the screen, something about how Christmas is under attack. 
 
 
 By now, I'm freaking out. I'm calling my friends, my mom, and even the fucking police, and then it finally hits me. 
 
 
 `` I'm the last one here.'' 
 
 
 That's pretty much where I'm at now. I'll try and keep this journal updated, but I'll most likely get distracted. At this point in time I'm trying to recall where porno mags are sold, because I ca n't find porn on the internet anymore. 
 
 
 To be honest, I'm actually a little bit excited. I did n't like people much anyway. 

