[ WP ] It 's cute when your kid sends Santa a letter . It 's surprising when Santa sends a letter back . It 's worrying when the two become regular pen pals . And it 's horrifying when you start reading the letters yourself ...

Dear Johnny, 
 
 I fear this may well be my last correspondence. Our worst fears have been realized: the Fascist Elves have joined forces with the Marxist Elves. We are now fighting a two-front war. 
 
 Despite the Reindeer Air Force bombing their fuel depots, their tanks continue to push forward unchecked. I suspect the Chinese are selling them cheap oil; they ’ ve been trying to push me out of the market for years. We ’ ve laid out mines along their path, but they ’ ve been sending our prisoners first to clear a path. If the RAF can ’ t break their supply chain, they ’ ll be at the outer wall within two weeks. 
 
 I followed your advice and made open protest punishable by death. Funny how quiet the pacifists get once you start hanging them from the candy cane trees. Labor agitation has calmed in the Capitol since my spy network brought me the leader of the Underground Resistance. I had him beheaded in the town square for treason. You should have been there; it would have warmed your heart. 
 
 Johnny, you ’ ve been a good friend to me. Your ruthless strategies have allowed me to hold onto to power even as the realm crumbles. But with the Chinese involved, it won ’ t be enough. You ’ ve done so much for me, but I need you to do even more. I need you to go to Washington, meet with the President, and implore the United States to intervene on my behalf. I ’ ve decided not to evacuate the Capitol; I refuse to go into hiding in South America as a war criminal. If we don ’ t win, I ’ ll face the firing squad with my head held high. 
 
 I hope to hear from you soon. 
 
 Your friend, 
 
 Santa Claus 
 
 P.S. Mrs. Claus wanted me to tell you she loved the macaroni picture you made her!
