[ WP ] Write a murder from the perspective of a cheerful inanimate object

*YAWN* Ah! Today, another day, what a great day. I ’ m snuggled in here so tightly I wonder if I ’ ll ever be able to wake up! I must! It ’ s a new day and I can hear the coffee pot going and I can see the sun rising through the kitchen window. It smells so nice in here this morning. I bet the lady cleaned the kitchen floor again last night when I was sleeping. That ’ s definitely what she did! I love when she uses that Swiffer WetJet. It ’ s smells so damn fresh afterward! 
 I wonder if today is my day, after all I ’ ve been here long enough. They brought me home two weeks ago and I ’ m starting to feel sick now. If the lady or man doesn ’ t pick me soon I ’ m afraid I ’ ll get too sick and they ’ ll never be able to enjoy me. Oh! There he is! Like clockwork that man is. His coffee is ready! He ’ s going to pour himself a cup and then turn on the stove and start to heat a frying pan so he can cook his eggs! Yep! Just like clockwork I tells ya, everyday. There he goes. And the pan is……on the fryer! In just a couple of minutes he ’ s going to throw the eggs in there and then pick one of us. I never know who it ’ s going to be! He picks someone different every morning. 
 Why is lady yelling so loud? She ’ s screaming, yikes. Something isn ’ t going right this morning. Heh, they ’ ll get over it soon, they always do! Those two can be so funny sometimes. He looks startled. Oh wow she is mad. She just hit him! She hit him! I mean she does hit him sometimes but that one was rough. I wonder what ’ s happening. If she distracts him too much he ’ ll forget about me this morning! He hasn ’ t even thrown the eggs in the pan yet. She has his phone, she ’ s pointing at it. Wow, she is super pissed today! So pissed! Wow! She just throw the phone really hard at him. Well, she hasn ’ t done that before. The phone broke everywhere. Now he ’ s not happy. I bet this has to do with the other lady. Man brings her home sometimes when lady isn ’ t around. Other lady and him even loved each right on the counter in front of me the other night! Other lady never stays the night or cleans though like this lady does. I don ’ t think their going to eat any of us today…He hit her! 
 Well this is bad! She ’ s crying now really hard. He ’ s grabbing her. Their so violent! Lady and man are never this violent! I wish one of them would just pick one of us from the basket and stop fighting! I know they ’ d be happy with me today. Unlike that pussy banana still snoring next to me and that cocky apple singing somewhere under me, I ’ m a fresh blast of vitamin C and I ’ m an all-around nice guy! Oranges just do it bette…. Oh! Wow! This is so bad! She grabbed a knife! I think she knows about other lady! I wonder if she ’ ll catch him. Man is way faster than lady. Lady ’ s so slow, heh! Oh but she does have a knife. He doesn ’ t have any… He tripped! Oh! He fell! He can ’ t get..She just…Oh!! Oh!!! She ’ s stabbing him everywhere! Blood! Oh my! Heheh, stupid ass ugly ass brown kiwi just got sprayed with blood! He ’ s crying about it, what a baby. I don ’ t think man is okay. Lady ’ s crying again! Well, that wasn ’ t normal! I don ’ t think anyone is going to eat me now. Oh well, at least it ’ s so nice out today! That sun feels too good! I ’ m sorry for man. He looks bad. Maybe lady will want an orange when she stops crying and laying next to him with a knife in her hand. Everyone knows how good us oranges taste!
