[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Dear Brad, 
 It's been a couple years since I've seen you and I know that I said I forgave you for what happened and that's still true but the damage you did is still there, haunting me, holding me back. 
 
 You were one of my best friends for 10 years, the guy I looked up to, the guy who looked out for me, the guy I fell in love with. You took that and you used it. You knew what you were doing. I'm not going to write it out because it's the past and it's over. Reliving it ca n't make it better. The scars are still there and they are n't fading away. 
 
 Because of you I honestly believe that no one could ever see me as anything other than a friend. You taught me that I am not enough of a girl to ever have anyone want me as anything more. 
 
 Because of you I no longer believe in love. After all, I fell in love with my best friend, he made me believe that he loved me back and then broke my heart beyond repair. If the person I loved and trusted most in the world can do that to me why would I ever let anyone else close enough to me to let that happen again. 
 
 Because of you I will never move back to our home state. I never want to see you again and I do n't want to explain to any of our old friends why we `` broke up'' our friendship or why we never finally got together. 
 
 Because of you I know I'm not beautiful enough, smart enough, strong enough, thin enough, fit enough... I'm just not good enough. For anyone. 
 
 I will never understand why you took those steps forward and changed our friendship into something more if all you wanted was someone to fool around with while you mooned over your roommate and waited for her. You could have gone out and found any other girl to bide your time with. It did n't have to be me. But instead you continued on and I fell for it. I thought you loved me too and that's why I gave all of myself to you. Or tried. 
 
 Do you even know what it does to a girl's psyche when she is in bed with the guy she loves, and he is seeing her for the first time completely exposed and he makes her feel things she has never felt before but then stops to say he has a crush on her sister? You broke me and I honestly do n't know if I will ever be able to believe that anyone could ever care about me, love me, want me that way ever again. 
 
 I hope you find the happiness you crave so badly but push away constantly. I hope you let go of her finally so that you can find the love you so obviously and desperately need in your life. If you have kids I hope you teach them about love and about friendship and you remember the girl from the bridge. The one you did n't hesitate to kiss. The one who loved you and understood you and was there for you, regardless of how many times you let her down those last three years together. 
 
 I know I will likely never find the guy who will prove you wrong about me. Who will see me for me instead of what distractions I can offer. I know most of that is because I just ca n't believe anyone would ever want me because I did what everyone says, `` do n't try looking, it's when you stop looking that you find the perfect guy and you fall in love with your best friend''. I did exactly that. I gave up on guys and love and then somehow a switch was flipped with us. Only, you forgot to love me back. 
 
 Be safe. Wear your helmet. Keep drumming.
