[ WP ] One day your guardian angel appears and tells you about all the kick-ass protection you 've been getting .

I was eating cereal when he came. Not the good kind of cereal either. The bargain brand kind that comes in bags of sadness. No toy here, kids. No cartoon character or happy rainbow. Just a picture of a guy in a faded suit trying to look like he was n't about to kill himself. 
 
 It was n't that the cereal mattered. Nothing did. I watched the river on fire outside my kitchen window. I watched the emaciated cows moo at the licking flames as though it would answer it. 
 
 `` It's not so bad. You're still alive. Most humans are dead or frozen in those pods. You should n't be so depressed, Humphrey.'' 
 
 My mouth opened, still half full of WonderBran. 
 
 `` Is this angel I see before me? Because you look like shit,'' I said. 
 
 I figured it was an angel because of the wings. They were a dirty brown patchy sort of accessory. They matched the raggedy man's feet and hands. They matched his poorly cut hair. He'd found a pink headband somewhere and was using that to hold back the tide of brown curls. His ageless wintergreen eyes squinted down at me. 
 
 `` I'm not just any angel. I'm your guardian angel.'' 
 
 `` And you're just coming now? I saw the others. The real angels. All white light and buffeting wings. They took people into the sky once the explosions started. I tried catching one by the ankle and the fucker shook me off.'' 
 
 My angel shook his head. `` Yeah about that. I got distracted. Sorry.'' 
 
 I took another bite of WonderBran, letting the taste of failure fill my mouth. `` Sorry?'' 
 
 My angel sat across from me, folding his wings against his back. `` It sucks, you know? There I was, flirting with this pretty mermaid. Time flies when you're in the water. I thought I'd have more time. Now it's too late. I'm stuck. You're stuck. Gates are closed and all. I figured the least I could do was come guard you until you died.'' 
 
 I debated flinging the soggy cereal at his head but the angel was so dirty I doubt he'd notice. 
 
 `` I ca n't like save your life or anything,'' he continued, `` I'm not that powerful. Mostly low level stuff. Which is good news for you! No more stubbed toes! Spilled milk is a thing of the past! Kiss your bad breath goodbye!'' 
 
 `` We're all going to die soon, are n't we?'' I asked. 
 
 The angel rested his face on his hands. `` Probably. Fire shall consume the earth. Demons shall walk and do demon-y things. I think Lucifer is throwing a party but he never invites us.'' 
 
 I'd miss TV and the neighbor who undressed at night with her lights off. I'd miss pug videos and porn and those Japanese cartoons with schoolgirls. But as the angel droned on I realized death might not be so bad. I imagined the silence. I imagined the lack of WonderBran. And I smiled.
