[ WP ] Instead of being funded by John Hammond , Jurassic Park is instead funded by his second cousin on his father 's side : Richard Hammond . Along with Jeremy Clarkson and James May , how would Jurassic Park : Top Gear Edition be different ?

*Title sequence* - A drone gets attacked and destroyed by a pterodactyl. 
 
 Clarkson: Hello and welcome to the first ever episode of Jurassic Park! Now the producers of the show, along with environmentalists and vegetablists, have told us for years that fossil fuels are unsustainable and we must adapt to newer, more renewable energy sources. 
 
 Hammond: Yes, they have. So we decided, we should look into some of the newer, more environmentally friendly options available - some wind powered cars, solar powered cars and Teslas. 
 
 May: Well, Hammond and I decided we would. Unfortunately, the Top Gear orangutan got wind of the idea and, well, this happened. 
 
 Clarkson: It's a brilliant plan. 
 
 Hammond: No it is n't. 
 
 Clarkson: Ye-es it is. 
 
 Hammond: No it is n't. 
 
 Clarkson: Yes it *is*! Hammond, think about it. The world is running out of oil. The USA is invading the middle east in search of more oil. And where does oil come from? 
 
 *Points to giant poster of a Brontosaurus behind him. * 
 
 May: So what are you going to do, breed dinosaurs for fuel? 
 
 Clarkson: It's a flawless plan. 
 
 Hammond: Is it *re-eally? * 
 
 Clarkson: Yes it is you Brummie midget. Think about it. We breed dinosaurs. We kill them, bury them under the ground and then, we get more petrol. It's the perfect business idea! I have single handedly solved Britain's energy crisis! 
 
 May: You do know it takes a tremendous amount of pressure, heat, and time to make fossil fuels. 
 
 Clarkson: It's going to take a few weeks, sure. 
 
 May: Years, mate. 
 
 Clarkson: What? 
 
 Hammond ( sotto ): Millions of years actually. 
 
 May: The petrol you get today was a dinosaur 65 million years ago! Nature takes that long to compress it and chemically alter the hydrocarbons- 
 
 Clarkson ( makes snoring noises ): Bo-oring. I know nature, much like you Captain Slow, takes its time. Which is why I am going to speed up the process. 
 
 Hammond: What, speed it up by 65 million years? 
 
 Clarkson: Ye-es. 
 
 May: And how are you going to do that? 
 
 Clarkson ( turns around and unveils an enormous machine with a gas pedal ): Behold! The V8 Dinosaur Compressor! 
 
 Hammond: What the hell is that thing? 
 
 May: Do n't worry viewers, it's not really that big, it just looks big next to Hammond. 
 
 Hammond rolls his eyes. 
 
 Hammond: Alright alright. ( Turns to Clarkson ). Let me get this straight. You are going to kill, then compress a dinosaur using a V8 engine? 
 
 Clarkson: Not just any V8, Hammond. This is a twin-turbo charged 2400bhp V8. 
 
 May: What's the mileage on it? 
 
 Clarkson: It is a little thirsty, this beast I have to admit. It needs 200 gallons of petrol every minute. 
 
 Hammond: 200 gallons! 
 
 May: And how much does the 200 gallons yield? 
 
 Hammond: Yeah, let's say you put a T Rex in there right now and run it for, what- 
 
 Clarkson: 5 minutes. 
 
 May: 5 minutes, that's a thousand gallons of petrol. Alright, so how much petrol can you get from an average T Rex. 
 
 Hammond ( to camera ): There's a sentence that's never been said on national television. 
 
 Clarkson mutters incomprehensibly. 
 
 May: What was that? Sorry, I missed that. 
 
 Clarkson: A T Rex gives around 12 gallons of petrol. 
 
 Hammond: Only 12 gallons? That huge thing? 
 
 Clarkson: Well, 15 if it's a particularly fat T Rex. 
 
 May: So you're going to spend a thousand gallons of petrol to produce 12 gallons of petrol. That's a net output of -988 gallons. 
 
 Clarkson: I will admit, it has some minor issues. 
 
 Hammond: It's not brilliant mate, to be honest. 
 
 Clarkson ( to camera ): Yeah you're right. Top Gear, ambitious, still rubbish!
