[ WP ] You are the leader of an Alien species about to make first contact with humans , with the offer to mentor us past this stage of our civilisation . What would be your first contact speech to Humanity ?

`` Basically, ya'll is dumb. We goin' teach you to live beyond the muthafuckin' stars. 
 
 All we got to go on about ya'll is yo' documentaries. We know Sam and Diane do n't end up together and we sad about that. We know Ross and Rachael is pretty cute and we rootin' for that one. Do n't get me started on that bitch Niles. 
 
 But really, I want ya'll to be more like Kramer. We needs to barge in where we ai n't wanted and muthafuckin' wreak havoc, ya heard? We'll help you do that if you help provide us soldiers for our fuckin' armies. It's really a win win. And if you do n't help us, we'll kill ya'll like Sam killed Coach out behind the bar. Remember that. 
 
 Cheers y'all, we out.''
