[ WP ] Reincarnation is a proven fact , and a device has been invented to determine who someone 's pasts lives were . To your horror , you 've just discovered one of your past lives was ...

As shocking as revelations of ancestry to such figures as hitler, Zedong, Rasputin, and the like were, there was one set of names on the list that utterly dumbfounded the worlds population as a whole. Specifically, the first set of names. They were very remarkably like those that existed on earth today, yet, somehow, none were identical to any presently ascribed. 
 
 All of the worlds anthropological experts convened at the School of Anthropology and Museum Ethnography at Oxford University to investigate the elusive origins of these names. The letters were unmistakably all of the english language, and arranged in ways that formed sounds phonetically identical to those used in our language. However, the combinations of the familiar dipthongs and fricatives were, for lack of a better word, alien. 
 
 It had been nearly a week since the release of the device and the investigative commission that immediately followed. The public was demanding answers, and becoming restless. Many were beginning to doubt the legitimacy of the device. The experts were becoming frustrated; they felt they had exhausted every known possibility to explain the origins of the mysterious names. 
 
 On the seventh day, a man stood on the steps of the building in which the conference was being held. He was noticeably short, though he had the posture and scowl of a man that would n't like for you to notice. He had a thick head of brunette hair, and faint signs of aging visible along his strong, distinguished face. Donning a leather jacket, close fitting jeans, and aviator sunglasses, he entered the building. Once inside, he slowly and coolly made his way to the ballroom in which the the experts were discussing the list. He had no security clearances, nor did he use force of any kind, yet all of the staff looked at him and, in shock, let him proceed. 
 
 Once in the room, he approached the stage. The room fell silent. He motioned for the present speaker to step aside from the podium, and as he obliged, stepped behind it himself. He did not say a word, but held up a massive book bound in black leather. A camera projected the image onto four large screens around the room so that the experts could see the silver inscription on the cover reading: First Census of the Planet Teegeeack Under Lord Xenu. 

