[ WP ] A clergyman , has dental surgery before holding a service in the local church , and is tripping balls .

Thomas, the vicar of the sleepy parish Tow-on-the-Stow, walked almost too carefully to the church lectern to give his sermon. He jumped when he saw the large eagle carrying a thick book before realising what it was. 
 
 
 `` Ah, I wish they would n't make lecterns in the shape of animals'' he said, nervously reaching to clutch the golden bird before it skittered around the vast space of the tiny church. `` It almost scared the bejee... the... bees out of me.'' 
 Thomas looked worringly over at his congregation in case any had caught his slip but he need n't have worried. Of the three persons attending, Mr. Muir was fast asleep and twitching as a dog would dream of squirrels, Mrs Weston was looking at her phone and the third, a stranger, was looking up at the ceiling. 
 
 
 Thomas was inspired by the potentially new parishioner in his midst and spake unto him in his finest voice. 
 
 
 `` I see Sir, that you, Sir, are admiring our fine stone dome.'' 
 Silence greeted this pronouncement; a silence that swirled and grew slowly to take the dark shape of some creature that went into a corner to lick its genitals. 
 After what felt like 3 centuries, Thomas blinked. `` A finer domed stone you will likely never see.'' Here, Thomas craned his neck back and wished he had n't. He held onto the golden eagle desperately, trying to steer left when it wanted to go right to avoid the stone pillar ahead. 
 
 
 There is an emptiness in Thomas's memory here. 
 
 
 Then the stranger is standing, looking at Thomas and smiling that certain smile that says,'everything's alright, everything's good'. With that, the stranger opens his shirt, much like the old superman films of old, and a white light bursts forth from his chest, blinding and pure, and the very air is filled with skylarks and holy harps and cherubs pour forth from the walls singing holy songs. 
 
 
 There is another emptiness in Thomas's memory here. 

