[ TT ] A child is kidnapped . Outraged , the monsters that live under their bed and in their closet vow to find them .

“ Don ’ t blame me. I didn ’ t see anything! ” 
 
 I stared at the beast oozing from out under Chad ’ s bed. “ You have twenty-seven eyes, Phil! ” I snapped. You couldn ’ t keep at least one of those open? ” 
 
 “ What about you, Gary? ” the oozing monster said, pointing three tentacles at me. “ You were closer. Were you twiddling all four of your thumbs? ” 
 
 “ No, I was in his little brother ’ s room. You know that I have to split my time between closets. That ’ s why we have a dedicated agent under each bed. It ’ s supposed to prevent this sort of thing. ” 
 
 “ You ’ re not my supervisor, ” Phil protested. “ I ’ ve been here longer than you. ” 
 
 “ You came with the house, ” I told him. “ I ’ ve been with the family for three generations. Chad ’ s parent ’ s wouldn ’ t even be together if not for me. ” 
 
 “ Here we go, ” said Phil, rolling sixteen of his eyes. “ Look at you, mister Monster Matchmaker. ” 
 
 “ Damn right I ’ m a matchmaker, ” I said. “ Don ’ t forget, I ’ m the one who helped Johnny get over his fear of the dark. I ’ m the reason he volunteered to walk Emily home at night. I ’ m the one who made Johnny ’ s house just scary enough that he and Emily had to cuddle together on the couch when they rented Psycho. So yeah, I know what I ’ m doing. And I was doing my job while you were asleep. ” 
 
 “ Hey, Chad is exhausting, ” Phil whined. 
 
 “ He ’ s five. Five year olds are always exhausting. You should know this, it ’ s not like Chad ’ s your first kid. ” Then I realized something. “ Chad IS your first kid. How come you never told me? ” 
 
 “ Because then you ’ d lord it over me even more, ” said Phil, pouting. “ All I hear about is how you and this family go way back. But you know what, there ’ s a reason Chad ’ s parents could afford this place. It wasn ’ t a haunted house by accident, thank you very much. ” 
 
 “ Oh, ” I said, calming down. “ That was you? ” 
 
 “ Yeah. You know, I ’ m not really a bed monster. I ’ m a walls and ceilings guy. I just got this gig when a family moved in. But you ’ re right, I ’ m lousy. ” 
 
 “ On the contrary, Phil, I think you ’ ve very good, ” I told him. “ Thanks to you the asking price for this house was half of what the other houses in this neighborhood cost. And I ’ ve got to say, I ’ m grateful. These closets are amazing to work with. I ’ m spoiled here, and if Chad ’ s parents moved to that other place, it would just be awful. ” 
 
 “ Thanks, Gary. ” 
 
 “ Now look, all this naval-gazing is getting us nowhere. ” 
 
 “ I don ’ t have a navel, ” said Phil. 
 
 “ Well, whatever you gaze at, it ’ s time to stop. We ’ ve got a missing kid. He ’ s our charge, and we ’ ve got to get him back. ” 
 
 “ When will his parents notice? ” 
 
 “ Not for another few hours, ” I answered. “ That gives us a little time. Do you see anything at all that might help? ” 
 
 “ Give me one second, ” answered Phil. He stretched out all his eye-stalks and they scanned every inch of the room. His tentacles explored every nook and cranny. His eyes suddenly darted to a single spot on the window. “ I ’ ve got something. ” 
 
 “ What? ” I asked, moving closer to the window. 
 
 “ It ’ s a fingerprint. The kidnapper touched the glass as he opened the window. ” 
 
 I smiled, my rows of teeth gleaming in the moonlight. I leaned in close and smelled the window. There it was, the faint trace of the kidnapper. His scent was mine. Soon, he would be, too. 
 
 “ How do you feel about a field trip? ” I asked. “ I think it ’ s time I met walls and ceilings Phil. ” 
 
 “ Gary, it would be my pleasure. ” 

