[ WP ] Santa Claus in a therapy session talking about some of the traumatizing things he 's encountered while delivering presents to peoples houses .

“ So afta ’ abou ’ half an hour of shimming through that wee lil chimney I finally get through, not easy fer a man my size im sure ya can imagine! So there I am, well chuffed with meself for makin ’ it down, jus ’ abou ’ ta set tha presents under the tree all nice like… when I hear voices, kids talking… ” 
 
 “ So you can ’ t really tell then? ” I interject 
 
 “ Wha'? Oh no lad, tis only a song I don ’ really know when you ’ re asleep, well… not since the lawsuit turns out bugging kids bedrooms didn ’ t go over all tha ’ well…heh heh ” 
 
 “ Anyway as I was sayin ’ I hear voices, now I usually I wouldn ’ listen, it being not polite an all, ‘ cept I couldn ’ t help it on account of tha fact that I hear'em talkin about Santa Claus, so I creep up the stairs a lil ’ just ta have a bit of listen… I'm a sucker for tha lil' nippers tellin ’ each other how excited they are for Christmas and what they hope Santa brings them... warms me heart right up. So there I am perched halfway up the stairs and here ’ s wha ’ I hear ‘ em sayin ’ … ” 
 
 “ When is Santa coming mummy? ’ the lil ’ one says ” 
 
 “ Look Timmy ” Says a gentle fatherly voice “ Your mother and I have been talking and we think you ’ re old enough to know… Santa ’ s not real honey, he ’ s just story ” 
 
 “ I just abou ’ dropped me plate o ’ cookies! Can ya imagine! After I'd had the elves make a special edition Darth Vader action figure WITH the workable light saber for this snot nosed lil ’ bugger his parents have got the nerve to say I ’ m not real! I mean it ’ s one thing to hear the rumors about how kids were losing faith and I mean I ’ m no fool I noticed the wish list letters getting less and less every year but slap my reindeer and spit in my milk! I'll be damned if some uptight no joy grownies tell their kid I don ’ t exist to me face! ” 
 
 “ I ’ ll tell you one thing! I sure looked real, all 240 pounds of me charging through that door socking that bugger in the face, showed him, I did! Won ’ t be going around tellin ’ kids I don ’ t exist any time soon will he! ” 
 
 “ Well anyway the big guys upstairs did n't take too kindly to my lil outburst, bad for publicity, said I got ta come to you, some quack doctor ” 
 
 “ Yes, Mr. Cluas anger management therapy is designed to help you control your emotions to equip you with the tools to handle situations like this better, in just 10 quick sessions we should see some real improvement!. ” 

