[ IP ] Man 's best friend

`` Mechsss!'' hawked the mech-merch. `` Mechs of all size! Small, medium, large! You name it, I can build it.'' 
 
 That's how I found Spyder, my best friend in the post-apocalypse wastelands. 
 
 Me and my buddies roamed the desert with Spyder, hunting down every bandit we could find -- collecting bounties for a living. Always Spyder, from its elevated height, kept an eye and a particle cannon out for us. 
 
 Everything was going fine, until we met *him*. Him and his scroungy deeuwg, selling walking sticks of all things. He had a bundle of them tied over his shoulder, over a tattered gray cloak, walking with the assistance of one of his wares, assuredly. 
 
 `` Halt!'' I yelled. `` Who are you? And what are you doing out here all alone?'' 
 
 `` I'm just a seller of sticks,'' the hooded man replied. `` I walk from here to there, selling some sticks. That's all.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, right,'' my partner said. 
 
 Spyder raised its head higher, giving the supposed stick merchant a good looking over. `` No weapons detected,'' it reported. 
 
 `` Except sticks,'' my other partner joked. 
 
 We all laughed. Except the stick merchant. 
 
 `` You boys bounty hunters?'' the merchant asked. 
 
 `` No,'' said my second partner, `` we just like hauling heavy weapons all over the desert.'' 
 
 `` Why,'' said my first partner, `` it's practically a hobby.'' 
 
 More laughter. 
 
 `` I've been looking for you three,'' the stick merchant said. 
 
 The laughter stopped. 
 
 `` And what are you?'' I asked, suddenly sober. `` You're not *just* a stick merchant, are you?'' 
 
 `` As you're not just a bounty hunter, I'm sure,'' the merchant said. He threw back his cloak, revealing metal rods. He clicked one, and it extended into a long polearm with sharp axeheads on both ends. 
 
 `` Holy shit,'' my second partner said. `` It's the Wanderer.'' 
 
 Spyder clicked on its particle cannons in answer. `` Prepared,'' it said. 
 
 `` Yes,'' I said. `` Yes, we are. Fire, boys!'' 
 
 The Wanderer leapt high into the air, while his deeuwg transformed into a hulking beast and came from below. It was a hell of a battle. Unfortunately, my two partners and my right arm did n't survive it. 
 
 Spyder did, though. Blasted the Wanderer with a barrage that left only scraps of cloth and half a polearm for bounty. 
 
 I lost my arm to his deeuwg, but managed to kill it, too. 
 
 Now, what were you saying about wanting to buy this marvelous spidermech of mine? I'm getting out of this business. It's... disarming. 

