[ wp ] Every person has a strictly limited number of Google searches they can conduct in their lifetime .

`` Well I've spent this whole semester ranting about my credentials, sneak dissing my colleagues, and getting in social justice debates with Bethany, so since most of you all are failing, here's a pop quiz for extra credit! One question long, worth a full test grade, and in no way related to the course or solvable without help.... OH! Excuse me, I'm just going to have a 40 minute chat with a friend who just walked by!'' 
 
 *creeeeeeeeeeeak-click* 
 
 `` AAAAAAAAHHHHH'' 
 `` CA N'T FAIL!'' 
 `` I'M ON A SCHOLARSHIP!'' 
 `` SUMMER SCHOOL!'' 
 `` whatever.'' 
 `` WHO KNOWS THE ANSWER!'' 
 *FUCKFUCKFUCKOHMYGOODDWHADDOWEDOIDUNNNOOOOO* 
 
 `` Guys stop it! I've got something. Does anyone have searches left?'' 
 
 `` Like... google searches?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, so we can look up the answer. Anyone?'' 
 
 ``....'' 
 
 `` Come on, anyone?'' 
 
 ``...'' 
 
 `` No one! What the hell was so important? Huh, Bethany?'' 
 
 `` Um... the definition of patriarchy.'' 
 
 `` You could n't use a dictionary? And you, Paige?'' 
 
 `` Well... cat pics, honestly.'' 
 
 `` *Christ! * Kenny?'' 
 
 `` Uuuhhhh.....'' 
 
 `` Come on man, spit it out!'' 
 
 `` Big... booty...'' 
 
 `` Oh, for fuck's sake guys!'' 
 
 `` Well what makes you so high and mighty? Did n't you blow all of yours already too?'' 
 
 `` Well... no, I did n't.'' 
 
 `` WHAT?'' 
 
 `` I've got one search left.'' 
 
 `` OHHHGIMMEIWANNALOOKUP!!!'' 
 
 `` -NO! Guys I've got *one* left! I'm not giving it to anyone and I'm not selling it. I'm using it myself.... it's just... it's just that I'm not sure if I should use it on *this*.'' 
 
 `` But we're all gon na fail man!'' 
 
 `` True. We do all have to fail sometimes, though. Did you think of that? And what if... what if I want to translate foreign text with 65 % accuracy? Or I'm out on a dinner date and she uses a word I do n't know? I've been so wasteful, so frivolous with my other searches... I really want to do right on this last one. I ca n't do it here. So sorry guys.'' 
 
 `` It's okay. We understand.'' 
 
 `` You know, I was hoping the situation would n't get this desperate, but.... if you're all willing to not let it leave this room, we could all just use that *other* search engine...'' 
 
 __________________________________________________ 
 
 `` Hello class! Nice to see you all back this summer!''
