[ WP ] Hannibal Lecter is on the run . He gets a job in a restaurant . The restaurant is run by Gordon Ramsay .

``... because you can not find the time to speak quietly. Like a puppy who knows only barking to get its way, momma dog long gone and an inattentive owner, you shout and you bray until the ratings come in and the grime falls off the cooler doors. Tell me, was momma dog absent in your life?'' 
 
 `` Why... ARE YOU STILL FUCKING TALKING WHEN I'VE GOT A RESTAURANT FULL OF PEOPLE WAITING TO EAT? That was twenty fucking minutes of sheer waste. Now your appetizers are cold, and you've got tickets backed up into last week!'' 
 
 Hannibal continued his unblinking stare, his mind slowly tracing the angered, pronounced lines of the Brit's contorted face. He saw the real anger there, but he also saw the ambition. The drive to make this restaurant ( and this show ) a success. 
 
 It was a waste, really. All that anger, all that stress, took years off a man's life and did terrible things to a person's body. Clenched muscles, the release of too much cortisol. Hannibal allowed himself a mental tut tut at Gordon's lifestyle. 
 
 `` Fucking move, John!'' A final command before the chef walked away. 
 
 John Cobbler. It was not the most creative name that Hannibal had ever come up with, but it was ironic enough to make him endearing to the high dining community. He had almost instantly landed the job at the newly christened Bistro 88. The walls reeked of modern couture and the owner had barely learned to tie his own shoes. Yet, it was perfect. A low customer base, a small town atmosphere, and plenty of room to try new dishes. A fugitive rarely had time to practice culinary arts, and, much like a good paring knife, those skills needed to be kept razor sharp. 
 
 And so it was with a smile and softly-whistled tune that John Cobbler fired up the burners, mixed up the stock, and began to serve his favorite clientele: fine diners. It was all so perfect, until he showed up. Then things became loud and invasive. To put it lightly, the cooler inspection was to take place tomorrow. Hannibal would have to truly make the cooler unique to make Ramsay proud. 
 
 Ramsay liked to get started early, and John offered a personal tour of his prepared cooler before the camera men had their lenses ready. Ramsay was easier to deal with when the red lights were off and Hannibal knew that the master chef would love an opportunity to prepare some insults ahead of time. 
 
 So down the hall they went, through the kitchen and into the cold metal and plastic box that kept all of the delights that Hannibal's clientele so loved. Ramsay was quiet as he picked through the usual trays of chicken and beef tips and racks of lamb, until he paused at a tray that held but a few choice oysters of red meat. Hannibal smiled. 
 
 `` What the fuck is this?'' 
 `` Oh that little dish? I prefer to think of it as a-'' 
 `` You ca n't keep lower back oysters in a freezer for more than a day. The meat does n't retain nearly enough moisture if it's not served fresh!'' 
 
 Hannibal's smile grew wider, the incredulity that was about to befall Ramsay's face driving his monologue on. He started yet again: 
 `` That particular meat takes very little seasoning, so I think you'll find it just tender enough.'' The handle of the inverted knife slid, unseen, into Hannibal's palm, down from his long-sleeved chef's smock. 
 
 `` The only thing you're right about so far is that human does n't need much seasoning, but the muscle structure does n't get the exercise it needs to maintain! How fat was this man when you carved him? My God. You'd walk in to a veal farm and pick the calf that could fucking bench press, would n't you?'' 
 
 Hannibal then almost gagged, not because he had been discovered, but because, for the first time in recent memory, he did not have a ready comeback. He looked at Ramsay, then at the meat, then Ramsay again. 
 `` You're telling me that you're aware of what that is?'' 
 
 `` Do I fucking look like chef Boyardee? How did you even make it out of culinary school? Of course. Now, I have a fantastic family recipe for this if you could stand to stop talking for two fucking seconds.'' 
 
 *Later, on channel 5 primetime, Gordon Ramsay give his impression* 
 
 `` Honestly, when I walked into Bistro 88 and saw what the chef was doing... I was... I was gobsmacked! He knew what ingredients to use but his storage and preparation methods, it was... was like he never wanted anyone to know what he was doing! We really had some problems at first, but I think after our heart to heart in the freezer, we really came to an understanding. I think with a new menu, a new look, and their signature dish, Medaillons De Clairese, they're going to make it. My work here is done!''
