[ WP ] Rewrite something you had written months ago .

It ’ s 2 am and I ’ m double fisting my gin and tonic and my beer and we sit outside under a empty sky and I tell you its okay to kiss me, please do. You taste slightly of cigarettes and weed and the tip of your tongue sends energy pulses down my spine and I know it ’ s not the alcohol coursing through my body that ’ s doing it. You ask me what my story is as you flick your ash onto the concrete and it crossed my mind that maybe you care, maybe I ’ m interesting to you. You get ready to leave and you ask me for another kiss, one for the road, and never did it cross my mind that this was all going to fuck me up later down the line. It never did. 
 
 *Did we kill a man and woman, just to lie here skin to skin? * 
 
 We ’ re sitting in your car going a little too fast and you ’ re driving and you ’ re telling me the stories of the ink in your skin and you run a red light and we almost died. You pull over, your heart racing and I sit there a little too content and confused as to why you ’ re upset. 
 
 We ’ re laying in your bed a little too undressed and your head is on my chest and you look up at me and tell me I ’ m pretty. I just kept fussing with your hair. 
 
 I ’ m sitting on your bed and you make me a drink and you put on Saetia and I lay down and you rub my back and you tell me to relax. 
 
 *As long as we remain abreast of one another we will never meet each other 
 As long as we whisper to one another we will never fully hear each other 
 As long as my eyelids are weighed down by desire and one dying wish 
 I will never know when you appear* 
 
 We ’ re in your car after having sex and we ’ re still listening to This Will Destroy You and we just look at each other and laugh. 
 
 We ’ re driving in your car and I tell you why mind has been a wreck and you just keep driving and you don ’ t say a word, you just keep running red lights and flicking your ash onto the concrete racing by. 
 
 We ’ re at a bar playing chess and we ’ re teasing each other and you keep trying to help me win and I keep losing and you just laugh at me and can ’ t believe I ’ m as drunk as I say I am. Check mate. 
 
 *did you make love or did you fuck her, did you do everything that you wanted to? 
 did you make love or did you fuck her? did you take the half or the whole? * 
 
 I ’ m laying in my room thinking how I don ’ t need you. I don ’ t need you. I don ’ t need you. You were never mine to begin with and you never will be and I can ’ t change you. You keep calling this a relationship but all it is is a bunch of memories strung together with too much alcohol and too many nights of me asking myself why I keep doing this to myself. 
 
 You ’ re laying in my room with me while we listen to Orchid and you ask me if I missed you and I say no. You seem hurt and I tell you I did. You tell me you missed me too and you kiss my forehead and then you leave. 
 
 *The tape flips over and over again. 
 I stop breathing. * 
 
 You lay next to me in bed and in your sleep you push my body away from yours and I ’ m left on the side, my feet and insides cold. Title Fight plays in my head and I close my eyes and will myself back to sleep. It ’ s nothing. Just like everything else. 
 
 It ’ s obvious that you don ’ t hold me in your heart the way you used to, or used to claim to. 
 
 `` Beautiful screamo boy'', you had your way with me. Filling me up with gin, grabbing my sides too hard and making my ribcage bruise. You cluttered my mind with hollow promises and now my body is taking the toll while you ’ re out probably doing the same to someone else. The day of you getting into that car where I learned to fall in love with you and never coming back is quickly approaching, if it hasn ’ t already happened. I ’ m telling myself to not care. 
 
 You didn ’ t fuck me up. I did. I did this all to myself. 
 
 *Can I tell you everything? 
 All I ever wanted was to be interesting. 
 You said you don ’ t mind. 
 Lie to me one more time. 
 Did you lie or just pretend? 
 I never wanted sympathy, just wanted to be something. *
