[ WP ] Earth is sucked into a parallel universe through a worm hole . There are now two earths in orbit around the sun . Contact between the two planets are established .

`` This is Earth Prime. Earth Alpha are you there? Please come in.'' 
 
 `` This is Earth Alpha, though we thought we were going to be Earth Prime. Over.'' 
 
 There was an awkward silence. Prime Marcus Bonham, representative of Earth Prime cleared his throat. 
 
 `` Well we can sort that all out later. Earth Alp-'' 
 
 `` Yes we can.'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry?'' Prime Marcus asked. 
 
 `` Yes we can sort all that out later. Who gets to be Earth Prime and all that. Anyway, please continue.'' 
 
 Prime Marcus was flustered. `` Alright then, eh, greetings Earth Alpha. I am Marcus Bonham, or Prime Marcus Bonham, as I suspect that there is anoth-'' 
 
 `` Yes'' sighed Alpha representative Douglas Haberford, `` We know. We've got our own Marcus Bonham. We're not stupid, you know? Every thought you've had, we've probably had too.'' 
 
 Prime Marcus Bonham was shocked. He did n't know what to say. `` Well would you like to take over then?'' he asked. 
 
 `` Oh no, no, no. Go ahead. It's just that we wanted to be the first ones to instigate contact. But your Earth managed it, it's only fair that your Earth gets to start off. Please, go on. I'm Douglas Haberford by the way. *Alpha* Douglas Haberford.'' 
 
 Prime Marcus Bonham was too stunned to register how annoyed he was and too annoyed to register how stunned he was. `` Well, I think we best start off by establishing the differences between our universes. I have a list here of the 1,000 most important historical events to occur in our universe. I suppose you do t-'' 
 
 `` Yes we do. Obviously. So we should read them to each other and see what the difference is? Is that it?'' 
 
 Now Prime Marcus Bonham was definitely more annoyed than stunned. `` Look, is this about the whole Prime thing? Because we can talk about that later?'' 
 
 `` No, no'' asserted Alpha Douglas Haberford in a tone that suggested he certainly agreed with him. `` It's not the Prime thing. It's the cockiness thing. Your universe thinks it's so great because it established contact first. God damn, this is going to be a mistake making contact.'' 
 
 `` Alright that's it. I've had enough of your shit'' Prime Marcus Bonham roared. `` Y'know what your universe is? The asshole universe. A universe filled with assholes. Go fuck yourself asshole universe! Oh, and by the way, in our universe, Hannibal crossed the Himalayas on elephant back. That's right, on the backs of **fucking elephants**!'' And with a click, Prime Marcus Bonham was gone. 
 
 In the control booth on Earth Alpha, Alpha Stephanie Windbaum looked at Alpha Major Ben Djenn. `` Did we really need to pick Doug as our representative? He's the biggest asshole on Earth.'' 
 
 Alpha Major Benn Djenn corrected her. `` He's the *only* asshole on Earth. Now we do n't have to share our free caramel prostitutes.'' 
 
 Alpha Stephanie Windbaum gasped. `` So it was all a trick?'' she asked. 
 
 `` Of course'' came the reply. `` Did you think we were going to share our bountiful resources with such a puny race? Crossing the Himalayas with elephants?'' 
 
 Alpha Stephanie Windbaum giggled. `` That did seem rather silly. I ca n't imagine living with an elephant instead of my golden tyrannosaurus.'' 
 

