[ WP ] Aliens invade the Earth but their weapons are near useless against us .

The first thing Michael thought of after he heard about the gigantic spaceships approaching our planet was the well being of his cat.'That's screwed up' he thought.'I should've worried about my mom or my friends. Maybe even my boss, I hope they get him first.' 
 
 The TVs were on all over, but the signal was cut off suddenly. The Satellites had been knocked away by the Aliens. No one knew what would happen next. It clearly was n't a friendly visit because friendly visitors do n't surround your house or knock down your TV antenna.'It would be funny, though', Michael thought to himself as he snuck away from his desk to get home, back to his cat. His boss said that Alien invasions were n't on the list of emergencies that required everyone to stop working. 
 
 `` Going anywhere, Michael?'' The Boss said, while rolling his moustache. 
 `` No, Mr. Johnson. Just grabbing more coffee.'' 
 `` Good. I surely do n't want to see you go home, afraid just because some green glob is surrounding the earth'' 
 `` I believe the guys from the ISS said they are yellow humanoids, just before they were taken as hostages.'' 
 `` Yellow what?'' 
 
 A local TV station was still working, reporting that it appeared the Spaceships started landing. 
 `` I hope their pilots are n't women. Otherwise we should run for cover, so they do n't park on our heads'' Mr Johnson said out loud. Sensible chuckles were faked all around the office. 
 
 A sudden hum filled everyone's ears. The TV's signal vanished and the whole office building started shaking. The large shadow of a spaceship covered the sun. Michael thought about his cat again.'Poor Seymour. He must be so frightened. The school beside my apartment must be pure chaos with kids screaming.' 
 The vibration got stronger and stronger as the spaceship approached. 
 
 `` It's landing in the office's parking lot!'' Janet shouted. 
 `` Yes, Janet. We all can see that.'' Marie, who sat across Janet for the last 12 years said, while rolling her eyes. The whole building was shaking, knocking over Mr Johnson's beta fish's aquarium. 
 `` Seymour 9!'' He shouted. Michael was still not okay with a stupid beta fish having the same name as his cat. Especially one that dies every year, so a new one has to replace it. Mr Johnson ran off to the bathroom with Seymour 9 to fill a jar of water. 
 Not a single person remained inside the office when John Johnson came out of the bathroom. Except Eric, who did n't even know Aliens were invading earth due to his noise-cancelling headphones and corner table, which allowed him to play Civilization V at work. 
 
 Meanwhile, the only vibration in Michael's apartment was his Seymour's purring, with a belly full of milk the elder neighbour gave. Seymour was now lying on the emergency stairs outside the window. 
 
 `` Shit. We're trapped! They landed on parking lot, blocking the only available exit.'' 
 `` Yes, Janet. We can see that'' Marie completed again. 
 
 The spaceship was very big, like football field, and also green, like a football field. It emanated heat and filled the air with a smell of burnt teflon. 
 `` Smells like...'' 
 `` YES, JANET. WE ALL KNOW THE SMELL OF BURNT TEFLON. WE ALL LEFT A POT ON THE STOVE FOR TOO LONG AT LEAST ONCE.'' Marie interrupted. 
 
 A large door opened on the spaceship, crushing Mr Johnson's Infiniti. A humanoid creature walked out, followed by dozens more. They were n't yellow, though. It seemed as if they were covered in tin foil. One of them stepped forward while the others were opening a large box they brought out with them. 
 `` CREATURES FROM PLANETOID 623-V/3. SURRENDER OR YOU WILL BE KILLED.'' 
 `` He's...'' 
 `` YES, JANET. THEY SPEAK ENGLISH HERE.'' Marie interrupted. 
 `` No. I was going to say he sounds like Richard Nixon'' Janet said. 
 
 Each alien took something out of the box, and they lined like an execution squad, pointing something at the office workers. Michael looked around and noticed there were several more spaceships all over the city. 
 `` What the fuck is wrong with you?'' Mr Johnson shouted from behind his 30 employees. 
 `` They want us to surrender, and they sound like Richard Nixon'' Janice said 
 `` They what?'' 
 
 `` SILENCE, CREATURE! OR YOU WILL BE EXECUTED'' The alien said, raising his hand, pointing whatever it was holding at Mr Johnson. 
 `` Holy shit. It sounds like Richard Nixon!'' 
 `` EXECUTE HIM'' The creature commanded to his 30 henchmen. 
 
 30 red dots hovered on Mr Johnson's chest. 
 `` What the hell?'' 
 `` Their weapons are n't working'' 
 `` Yes, Janet. Goddamnit...'' Marie said, pushing Janet forward. The red dots shifted from Mr Johnson to Janet's cleavage. Her massive silver pendant reflected the red dots back to the aliens, and they all ran away, screaming and ducking behind the cars. 
 
 `` Their weapons look like laser pointers.'' Richard, from finance commented 
 `` Oh, shit. You're right. Is that why they're wearing tin foil? Maybe they are killed by laser pointers.'' 
 `` Wait. Did they crush my car?'' Johnson said. `` They crushed my car! These bastards!'' 
 He ran towards them, screaming. `` You bastards! That was my car!'' His hand, covering his eyes from the oncoming red dots. `` You wo n't get away with this!'' He said, as he took the sign for the reserved parking spot and started beating their leader. Helpless, the Aliens threw their laser pointers to Mr Johnson and surrendered. 
 `` NO... MERCY'' He said to the alien. The ripped tin foil revealed the yellow skin of the Alien. Johnson took one of the laser pointers and pointed it at the alien. The creature screamed in pain. 
 `` My... car'' He said, holding the laser pointer by its keychain ring and dropped it on the floor. 
 
 The invasion flopped entirely, as all aliens surrendered once they realised their weapons are useless against humans. They had sent a spaceship to each populated place of the earth, containing the exact number of aliens in the ship as people there. 7 billion aliens were now on earth, as the world leaders decided what to do with them. 
 
 The death toll: One. A cat, sitting on the window got carried away by 200 laser pointers in the school nearby and died of excitement.
