[ WP ] A villain is trying to make is mark in the city , but he has no super powers , only elaborate setups to make it look appear he has powers .

`` Behold!'' spake Ludrin Laermax as a halo of flames burned around him. He reveled in his personal conflagration, arms raised in triumph. `` I have gained dominion over fire! Tremble as I become one with the inferno!'' He lowered a hand, preparing to spray fire throughout the room. `` Bow before me as I—'' He tilted his head slightly as a puzzled look flashed across his face. `` As I...'' 
 
 `` M'Lord?'' 
 
 `` As I... Oh God.... Oh God it burns!'' 
 
 Laermax stumbled forward, collapsing onto his stomach. Bright orange flames engulfed him, throwing off roiling clouds of oily black smoke. `` It buuuurns!'' A team of minions approached quickly, each hoisting a large fire blanket which they thrust on their master. They rolled him around, patted him down as they watched the blaze settle beneath their rescue. 
 
 `` Enough you fools!'' Laermax shouted. He stood up then, a towering figure now without eyebrows. Wisps of smoke wafted from his bouffant yellow hair. `` How is this so difficult?'' he asked while brushing himself off. 
 
 The tallest minion stooped slightly as he spoke: `` M'Lord, we've tried this a dozen different ways now, it's simply not—'' 
 
 `` Simply not *what? * Are you saying you're of no use to me now?'' 
 
 `` Not at all! It's just that... well this whole Fireman thing... is it really the alter ego you have your heart set on?'' 
 
 `` What are you trying to say, Minion?'' 
 
 `` It's Milton. What I'm trying to say is this whole controlling fire thing is a lofty goal—and intimidating, it really is—but I do n't know if... well I do n't know if we are ready *at this time* to—'' 
 
 `` Coward!'' Laermax shouted, then pointed his hand at this minion Milton who had the gall to question him. `` You will buuurn for this! MUAHAHAHA!'' The hose at the end of his hand sputtered, leaked a couple greasy drops of fire, then belched smoke to no result. `` Blasted piece of—!'' 
 
 Minion Milton stood tall once again, ready to win back his master. `` M'Lord, we can get the flame thrower working. That's not the issue. It's all the fire—frankly it's dangerous. As we told you, it's simply not feasible to always be on fire.'' 
 
 `` You're supposed to be the best!'' Laermax shouted. `` Who among you is actually worth your salary?'' 
 
 `` We are slaves, m'Lord,'' minion Milton put in. 
 
 Laermax placed his arms akimbo. `` Right, right.'' He seemed to be considering something as he caught each of their glances in turn. `` You!'' He pointed to a plump minion among the rabble in front of him. `` You will be flogged for insolence.'' 
 
 `` Oh God,'' the plump minion said with a hard swallow. Other minions led him away. 
 
 `` Meanwhile I will be taking ideas for... alternative alter egos. I need something that will strike fear into the minds of every living human on the planet. Something fiery. I want the world to bow to me!'' 
 
 `` Um, m'Lord,'' Milton said. `` We, your minions, have been thinking on it and... well we think maybe your fiery alter ego is a little...'' 
 
 `` A little *what? *'' 
 
 `` A little... anticlimactic. Given, you know...'' 
 
 `` The Doomsday Device,'' another minion finished. 
 
 `` What? *That* old thing?'' Laermax said, pointing to the giant ray beam generator that made up the bulk of the chamber. Dusty cobwebs clung to its tarnished metal surface. 
 
 `` Right,'' Milton said. `` Like, it'd be great and all if you were a blazing bonfire come to life—'' 
 
 Laermax beamed. `` A living, walking firestorm to scorch my enemies into smoldering charcoal!'' 
 
 `` Yes, yes, firestorm. But consider that... well consider how much time we spent on the Doomsday Device. Perhaps—and this is only a suggestion m'Lord—perhaps your power could be to destroy whole cities, rather than, like, setting curtains on fire.'' 
 
 Scrunching his eyebrowless forehead, Laermax pointed his hand again at minion Milton. Then he pointed it aimlessly at the crowd. Then, he relented, relaxing his expression. `` Whole cities, you say.'' 
 
 `` Yes, m'Lord. That's what the Doomsday Device was made for.'' 
 
 `` Yes! *YES! * I will crush whole cities. Turn them into smoking rubble!'' 
 
 `` Yes, m'Lord!'' 
 
 `` I will grind the ashes of the fallen beneath my heels!'' 
 
 `` Yes, m'Lord!'' 
 
 `` And I shall do it... while on fire!'' 
 
 Minion Milton sighed, stooped once again. `` Y-Yes, m'Lord.'' 
 
 \*\*\* 
 
 *Some time later... * 
 
 \*\*\* 
 
 `` 9-1-1 what's your emergency?'' 
 
 `` Uh, yes, could you send a burn unit, please? M'Lord is not moving.''
