[ WP ] Humans have discovered the secret to high-speed inter-planetary travel . and it is the most stupid and ridicilous thing possible

Cutting Space 
 
 By ElSol69 
 
 `` No!'' I said. 
 
 `` It's your turn,'' the lead scientist on the project said as he nodded towards the airlock. 
 
 `` I did it last time!'' 
 
 `` Okay, look… we got all the way out here, five light-years in a split second or two. We have to get back and so far we ONLY know that it worked with you.'' 
 
 `` IT WAS A JOKE! I was drunk!'' I shouted looking at everyone behind him. They looked out the space shuttle portholes at the altered star view. 
 
 `` Whether it was a joke or not, we are far from home and we need to get back,'' he said. `` You need to get us back!'' 
 
 I sighed, `` My ass is going to freeze.'' 
 
 `` We'll have to alter the design of the space suit if this works again,'' someone behind the lead scientist said. 
 
 `` He was drunk before, maybe we should get him drunk again,'' someone else offered up. 
 
 We'd run out of beer, so that was unlikely. I frowned and put the space helmet on. They slammed the airlock door behind me. I bounced to the handles in the middle of the room and held on. 
 
 `` Opening the outer door!'' I heard on my helmet radio. 
 
 I waited until the door fully opened before I dropped my pants. Holding on as tight as I could, I prayed whoever aimed us back to earth had gotten it right. 
 
 I let one rip! 
 
 The shift was immediate, as if the distance between stars was flowing through me. 
 
 `` I see Earth! I see Earth!'' someone yelled over the radio. `` It worked! I ca n't believe it worked!'' 
 
 When the outer door closed, I fell down to my knees. `` Dear God, please do n't let me be the only one!'' 

