[ WP ] You and your Arch Nemesis are forced to save the world together .

Captain Atomic. What a fucking shithead. This ass practically destroys my lab once a month, and everybody loves him for it. I barely have time to even set up shop before he trashes whatever abandoned warehouse or condemned apartment building I'm forced to move to. I'm not even trying to kill him any more! I just want to make something that will keep him out of the lab long enough for me to do some actual work, but the buffoon would n't know a power dampener sphere from an inverse particle blaster if I shoved it up his ass. They're all `` weapons of mass destruction'' to him, and since he destroys them before anyone else can get a look, who can contradict him? Yeah, I'll steal a truckload of Uranium here or rob a bank there, but do you have any idea how much power he puts out? I'd need enough energy to power half the city just to make him blink, and believe me: a setup like that does not come cheap. 
 
 I had n't even finished moving in this time when he came crashing through the ceiling. I ca n't even muster the energy to be surprised any more. I just gave him a blank stare as he did that stupid pose he always does: hands on his hips, beaming like a moron at nothing in particular. Normally I'd have put up some token resistance out of spite, but most of my gear is still in boxes. The Freeze Ray was the last thing that had stopped him for any length of time anyways, and he destroyed that two labs ago. Right as I'm about to just leave, he finally speaks up. 
 
 `` **Doctor Chaos! **'' he says. I've stopped bothering to tell him my name is Dr. Kevin Carlisle, and that the Metro Times can go fuck itself for coming up with such a horrible `` supervillain'' name for me. `` **I hope I'm not interrupting any foul deeds this morning! **'' I'd describe talking to Captain Atomic as similar to talking to a wall, but honestly I think the wall might react more to what I have to say. Nevertheless, I know he wo n't get things over with before he gets his `` banter'' in, so I go ahead and speak up. 
 
 `` I've unpacked maybe four boxes, Cap. I have n't even had time to set up the coffee maker.'' 
 
 `` **Well I'm afraid you're going to have to put them on hold, for JUSTICE! **'' 
 
 `` Fine. Whatever. Have n't even put in my security deposit for this place anyways.'' 
 
 `` **Much as I hate to admit it, the city -- no, the WORLD needs your help! **'' 
 
 `` I'll just be outsi -- wait what?'' 
 
 `` **My evil self from another dimension, NEGA-CAPTAIN ATOMIC, has arrived in the city! Since he's equal in power to myself, I can not defeat him alone! I need the experience of my archenemy to defeat myself! **'' 
 
 I almost try to explain the difference between a dimension and a parallel universe, but realize the lecture would fall on deaf ears. Instead, I ask the question I know he's waiting for, even though I already know the answer. 
 
 `` And why should I help you?'' 
 
 `` **Unlike me, NEGA-CAPTAIN ATOMIC only wants wanton destruction! He'll destroy the entire city, you and your lab included! **'' 
 
 `` Oh yeah, it would be a shame to have somebody destroy my lab,'' I mumble to myself. `` Fine. If it'll get you to leave me alone for a whole fucking afternoon, sure. Get me Destructo's Gamma Beam and I'll make something that can send him back.'' 
 
 Surprisingly, he seemed to understand this last part. Maybe he enjoyed the excuse to go beat the shit out of Destructo. He's back in a little under an hour and gives me a new hole in my ceiling along with the blaster. After some tinkering, I successfully install some tesseract lenses and adjust the power regulators to turn the Gamma Beam into a Quantum Detangler. I try to hand it to the musclebound oaf, but he refuses. 
 
 `` **No, I'll have to distract him while you take the shot. **'' 
 
 `` You know this wo n't kill him, right? You can use it without breaking your stupid no-killing rule. I'd really rather stay here and work while you're preoccupied.'' 
 
 As usual, he does n't hear a word of it. He just picks me up and flies towards City Hall. `` **Wait until I give you the signal! **'' he insists on the way. `` ** I ca n't have you accidentally harming civillians! **'' 
 
 `` It... does n't work like that. This'll only work on him, because he's from another universe. It'll just send him back home. I ca n't even use it on *you*.'' Despite the fact that he was looking right at me, I'm pretty sure he did n't precess this, either. Whatever, if he gets himself killed trying to `` distract'' his double, I can still send the bastard back. Two birds with one stone. 
 
 The battle starts maybe fifteen minutes after we reach the mayor's office. The two fight for upwards of three hours, destroying so much property in the process that I ca n't imagine Nega-Cap could have done a mere effective job on his own. Eventually Captain Atomic gets his double in a headlock close enough for me to send Nega flailing back through the multiverse into his own world. Mission accomplished, world saved, time to go home. Or, at least, that's what I thought was the plan, before I noticed the Detangler was getting very hot in my hands. 
 
 `` What the fuck?!'' I yell, throwing the device away from me. It melts mid-air as Cap continues to blast it with his heat vision. `` You could have ruptured the power cell and killed us all! What the hell was that?!'' 
 
 `` **I ca n't have you using such a powerful device against me in the future! **'' So yes, he was clearly ignoring me when I was explaining it only worked on Nega-Cap. `` **And now, to go destroy your lab where the plans for the device are! **'' 
 
 He flies off before I can even react. I do n't bother heading back to that lab; I know it'll just be a smouldering heap by the time I can take the subway there. Instead, I call my real-estate agent. 
 
 Captain Atomic. What a fucking shithead.
