[ WP ] You retrieve your Secret Santa match . It 's Satan .

Gerald already had the gift in mind that he was going to give to his Secret Santa. Nothing too crazy. Something for any gender to maybe think it was cool and appreciate. It was a glass chess set. Very simple. Was n't even that expensive. 
 
 He was n't that enthusiastic about the whole Secret Santa ordeal. He had signed up for it on a whim and promptly forgot about it until it snuck up on him. He knew that people generally figured out a gift after being given a name but he decided to just get something early. So of course it came to him as a surprise when he finally got this particular individual. 
 
 Satan. 
 
 Obviously it had to be a joke. Or perhaps someone really was named simply Satan. Much like Prince. Or Madonna. But Satan? Really? 
 
 The name was written on a card that was placed inside an envelope. On the back was a list of likes: 
 
 *The suffering of humanity. 
 *Telemarketers. 
 *Minesweeper. 
 *Jersey Shore. 
 
 At the bottom was a short list of dislikes: 
 
 *Chess. 
 
 Fuck. But wait. This could n't be real at all, Gerald thought. At that moment the card lit up in flames. 
 
 `` Holy fucking shit.'' Gerald stood there for a moment with envelope in one hand and a dummfounded face that could have rivaled Eli Manning's. He snapped out of it and remembered that his buddy Rick was the one who thought this whole Secret Santa thing was a good idea. 
 
 `` Yeello.'' 
 
 `` Rick, what the fuck.'' 
 
 `` Woah. What's the matter?'' 
 
 `` I just got my Secret Santa name in the mail today.'' 
 
 `` Oh yeah? Me too. Who'd ya get?'' 
 
 `` Satan.'' 
 
 Sudden laughter erupts from the other end. Gerald rolled his eyes and waited a few beats until Rick sucked air back into his lungs. 
 
 `` Dude. Gerald. You're in for a treat.'' 
 
 `` Wait. What do you mean?'' Gerald, obviously confused more than ever, furrowed his brow. He looked down at the small pile of ashes that used to be the card with his Secret Santa's name on it. 
 
 `` One person every year always gets stuck with him,'' Rick managed to say after getting a bit of composure back. 
 
 `` Wait. Are you telling me this is THE Satan?'' 
 
 `` Yup.'' 
 
 `` What the fuck, Rick.'' 
 
 `` And the best part is that he's an asshole. One of his likes is minesweeper is n't it?'' 
 
 `` Uh.. I think so.'' 
 
 `` Dude. I hope you remembered the list. It's different every year but minesweeper is always on there. From what we think, it's his funny way of saying that you're fucked. No one ever gets him a gift that he likes.'' 
 
 `` Err. What happens to them?'' 
 
 `` He gets your name as his Secret Santa next year.'' 
 
 At first this did n't register with Gerald. Until, as if he was n't talking about him this whole time, he suddenly recalled that it's Satan. On the outside, he was calm. On the inside his mind felt like the sole recipient of a gangbang. Bottom line was that this is n't good at all. 
 
 `` What do I do?'' 
 
 `` Some people pray.'' Rick's guffaw nearly punched Gerald in the ear. `` Good luck, bud.'' And with that, Rick left Gerald to contemplate his predicament. 
 
 Utterly flabbergasted, Gerald went to his living and sat down. Flipping open his laptop he booted up minesweeper. His first move landed on a mine. He played on to the next game honestly having no idea what he was going to do or what was going to be in store for him. 
 
 -- - 
 *Pardon my shitty story. *
