[ WP ] You are legally allowed to commit murder once , but you must fill out the proper paperwork and your proposed victim will be notified of your intentions

Author Note: I ended up writing a 6800 word story based on this WP. Whoops. Here's the first few paragraphs, link to whole ( unedited ) story below: 
 
 I sipped my coffee and ran my eyes carefully over the newspaper. There was nothing particularly interesting - some farmer had won lotto, a big storm was due to hit Christchurch again, and the mayor was at it again. Different aide this time. Probably set him up. 
 
 I turned the pages lazily, barely taking in the details. Anything important would jump out at me, but there seldom was. 
 
 Bored, I shifted to the back and attacked the Sudoku puzzles, then the crossword.As usual, I failed both. It was the attempt that counted. 
 
 I drained the last of the coffee and checked the time. Twenty minutes. The least I could do was prepare some breakfast for her. 
 
 It did n't require much imagination - bacon and eggs would suit most people. I set the frying pans, added a dash of water to the eggs, covered them and left them to cook. It was quiet - still early. Too quiet. 
 
 I fetched my phone and tapped the app. It circled, then cleared. I chose jazz and put the phone back on the counter, music streaming gently through the overhead speakers. I turned the bacon, threw some bread into the toaster and set the table. 
 
 The door opened. 
 
 `` Ooh, is this for me?'' 
 
 I smiled and walked over, kissing her cheek. `` As usual. How was the night shift?'' 
 
 `` Shit. Here's the post.'' 
 
 She grabbed the paper and slumped into her chair, her hair collapsing around her shoulders. I returned to the kitchen. The eggs landed on her plate, the bacon shared between us, toast on hers, bread on mine, sweet chilli for both. Orange juice from the fridge. 
 
 I carefully manouvered everything over to the table and sat down silently opposite her, looking through the post. 
 
 `` So Lenny's been set up by some journalist having another affair.'' 
 
 `` No surprise that.'' 
 
 Three bills, an offer to win a million dollars, an official document and a letter from my sister. I still ca n't fathom why she insists on sending letters. 
 
 I browsed the letter, smiling, then passed it over to her. She crunched into the bacon and toast, her nose still buried in the paper. She'd finish and head to bed for a few hours. I'd probably sneak up and watch her later; she was beautiful but snored like a crashing train. It was always worth a smile. 
 
 I opened the document and considered my day ahead. I'd go for a walk along the beach, then return and choose a project. That one from Canon seemed interesting. 
 
 My brain caught up with my eyes. 
 
 `` Oh no, and there's been a terrible derailment in India! 179 people dead, 53 injured... Are you ok?'' 
 
 I looked up at her, my eyes wide, the document shaking in my hands. 
 
 `` I've been approved.'' 
 
 She froze, understanding drenching her face. She exploded around the table. 
 
 `` Oh darling! I'm so happy for you!'' 
 
 I smiled and hugged her, a huge weight lifting off my shoulders. I could literally feel the last 4 years draining out of me. Finally my life could start again. 
 
 `` Oh that's brilliant. Oh baby...'' she kissed me, yawning into my mouth. I laughed. 
 
 `` I think you should go sleep.'' 
 
 `` Mmh, yes.'' she stole my bacon. `` So what do you do now?'' 
 
 I read through the document. `` I have to fill out the accompanying form with references to my online account, then sign and send back the document and then they'll notify the target and me and I'll have 31 days. If I do n't return this document in 21 days they'll presume I do n't want to go ahead with my application.'' I nodded and put it down. `` Sounds straightforward. Oy, wake up!'' 
 
 Her head was on my shoulder. 
 
 `` Go get changed and into bed.'' 
 
 She yawned again. `` Ok.'' 
 
 I smacked her bum lightly as she passed, and turned my attention back to the envelope. I pulled out the form. 
 
 It was huge. A quick check revealed 94 pages, double sided, with an excess of white space. The front page was addressed to me. 
 
 Username: JMK4TLR301113 
 Password: TLK431ID0S 
 
 Dear Mr Kilker 
 
 Thank you once more for your application. 
 
 To complete the process, please fill in this form. Full instructions are provided on each page. Please read and answer each question carefully - if you are uncertain about anything, call us on 0800687337 for assistance. 
 
 Your records will be stored and available for persual by the victims family. To ensure your own protection, please ensure that every answer you give is not only honest but truthful - if in doubt, verify. 
 
 You must complete and return this form within 21 days of the date at the top of the page. 
 
 Yours sincerely 
 
 Adolphus Littler 
 Humane Eradication 
 
 I laid down the form and fetched a pen, my smile fading a little. This was going to take a very long time. 
 
 Full story can be found here: http: //garjar.wordpress.com/short-stories/ 
 
 EDIT: I finally got round to editing the story. Follow the link above, you can either read on Wattpad or as a PDF.
