[ WP ] A pair of sombre gentlemen in suits and shades appear at your door . Their ears are pointedly hidden . Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Santa Claus ?

Listen carefully, mouth-breathers of the world, this is Patricia Tannis, and Christmas is in danger. As you may know, the disappearance of a certain disgustingly obese figure will trigger a chain reaction that would 
 
 BOOOOORING!!! YOU DO N'T WAN NA HEAR ABOUT THAT, SANTA HUNTER. YOU WAN NA HEAR ABOUT LOOT, AND PECS, AND EXPLOSIONS. I'M TORGUE, AND I HAVE ONE QUESTION, AND ONE QUESTION ONLY: **EXPLOSIONS??? ** 
 
 *CUE SEVERAL MOTHERF*****ING EXPLOSIONS* 
 
 Do n't interrupt me you cracker-guffling buffoon! I'm trying to convey 
 
 THAT SENTENCE HAD TOO MANY SYLLABLES! **APOLOGIZE! ** 
 
 As I was saying, I've discovered that Santa Claus is held captive in the center of a large crater by an extremely well-armed army and will only be released by, I quote, `` The baddest dude on all of Pandora''. 
 
 WE AT THE SANTA CLAUS HQ SINCERELY BELIEVE THAT IS F\*\*\*ING AWESOME! SO AWESOME WE'RE GON NA INVITE EVERYONE TO WHAT'S POSSIBLY A F\*\*\*ING DEATHMATCH! IF YOU WANT IN, COME OVER TO WHERE SANTA IS CAPTURED - THE BADASS CHRISTMAS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE AND XMAS AND SH\*TS! 
 
 That's not the area is called 
 
 **THE BADASS CHRISTMAS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE AND XMAS AND SH\*TS! ** 
 
 ( sigh ) 

