[ WP ] He sees you when you 're sleeping . He knows when you 're awake . And Santa , low on funds to pay his elves , has begun selling his surveillance data to the NSA .

The air was thick with the sweet, sweet smell of smoke and sweat as CEO Claus approached the industrial factory. Inside, the air was filled with chips of wood, plastic, and metal; short people toiled over conveyor belts coughing, watching him with stares of anger and disdain. Suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable, the fat man left the factory and returned to his penthouse apartment, where he read over his finances. 
 
 He was stuck in a deep conundrum. The elves had taken him to court over unfair labor practices, and he could only argue that the North Pole was on Russian property for so long. He needed to raise their wages; he could n't survive a strike this time of year. He could outsource to China, but then he would need to pay to have everything shipped up through the ice. He had often considered mechanizing everything and laying off most of the elves, but it was very difficult to get reliable electricity up here. He needed money bad, not just for the elves but also for his lawyers; his attempt to extract natural gas from below the ocean had started a legal battle more costly than what he had planned to make. 
 
 Trying to take his mind off of things he turned on his computer and reviewed the List. He knew how the deal went: the more information he gave them, the more money he got. He felt bad about betraying the people's trust, but it was still better than a proletariat uprising. He opened a new tab and began writing an email. 
 
 *Abdul in Detroit is asking for firecrackers and a plane ticket to Kyrgyzstan* 
 
 *Eric in Quito is asking for an internet hookup* 
 
 *Vladimir in Moscow is asking for hacking software* 
 
 *Rick in Buffalo is asking for Torr* 
 
 *Donald in New York is asking for coal*....wait, what? 
 
 *Joe in Virginia is asking for an AR-15 and a pressure cooker* 
 
 *Hope this can be of use to you. ~SC* 
 
 He hit send and received a response almost immediately. 
 
 *Thank you for your service. $ 4.5 million has been deposited into your bank account. * 
 
 Suddenly there was pounding on the office door. CEO Claus stood and opened the door to find an angry mob of elves, including his security guards, all armed with icicles. 
 
 `` Good news! I'm raising all of your wages, effective immediately.'' 
 
 `` Too little, too late, you racist pig.'' 
 
 The elves stormed his office, holding him up against the window. The windows were then shattered by loud, low swooping sounds as two squadrons of American jets began their bombardment of the elf housing district.
