[ WP ] A suicidal man , who is wealthy , and has the love of friends and family , and the love of a nation , says goodbye to his wife for what he believes is the last time . Make me sympathize with this man .

`` Janice, I've decided to commit suicide.'' 
 
 
 `` But Clarence, you ca n't! You are wealthy, have the love of friends and family, and the love of a nation! And what's more important, I love you!'' 
 
 `` I know Janice, but I really, really want to know if there's an afterlife, and I just do n't want to wait any longer. Besides, the nation whose love I have is North Korea, and that kinda weirds me out.'' 
 
 
 `` Oh Clarence! BOOHOOHOOHOO... so anyway, *sniff* how are you going to kill yourself?'' 
 
 
 `` I've decided to to tip over a vending machine to try and get free product, and have it fall over and crush me. My stupid death will provide countless millions of people with a mild sense of superiority, not to mention joke fodder.'' 
 
 
 `` Oh Clarence! You're so selfless, even in death! That must be why they love you so in North Korea!'' 
 
 
 `` No, I'm pretty sure it's because I look like Kim Jong Il, Janice.'' 
 
 
 THE END CAREFUL WHEN TIPPING VENDING MACHINES KIDS
