[ WP ] A game among aliens is to conquer other planets using the laws of that planet . Earth is their next target , but what they do n't realize is that our bureaucracy is a mess .

`` So, pray tell,'' Milyama Tresk al-Salmizar de Truyne inquired, `` what can I do about this?'' 
 
 `` Well,'' replied the human, stretching the last phoneme in an manner Milyama had come to regard as either humourous or downright annoying, `` that entirely depends on the disposition of the Minister.'' 
 
 It had been difficult to reach this point. 12.3 trillion credits were on the line, more than sixty two rolling years of bounty. The extensive genetic modification had taken its toll on both her body and mind, but it would be worth it. At least, that had been her take on it when she had begun, five years ago 
 
 The game was played as following. The competitors landed in remote regions and their task was to bring about the annexation of the planet, society or hive mind into galactic society through an entirely legal means. Smaller civilizations and those with a less sophisticated sense of tact were a starting point - it was relatively trivial to convince off world colonies to join a new host, even as a non-native species. It was even partly encouraged by some of the less ethical greater Involveds, mostly as a method of entertaining the pan-galactic federation social networks. 
 
 Both the reward and bounty was proportional to the challenge. The trick was to ensure complete political, social and economic control only by means available to the population. On some worlds, this was trivial. On others... 
 
 `` Well, this is what you are for, are n't you?'' she said with exasperation. `` How am I to do anything about this issue if you wo n't provide me with options?'' 
 
 `` If the Minister wants options, then she need but ask for them.'' 
 
 `` Well?'' 
 
 The human stood there smiling patiently. Milyama felt her blood cooling, but did not show it. 
 
 `` Well,'' she repeated, `` give me options!'' 
 
 `` As I see it, you have but two options, Minister,'' he said, clasping his spindly hands behind his back. `` You can either resign now, or resign later. I am afraid the popularity of the policy is unlikely to improve.'' 
 
 Milyama bit down on her tongue. `` But I saw the polls. The polls said that the policy was a wonderful idea.'' 
 
 `` With respect, Minister,'' said the human, `` what the polls may have said alias is not, if I might be so bold as to opine, representative of the polls in saecula.'' 
 
 The amalmar had played this game on a dozen worlds before in her thousand year, genetically modified life span. Use of an arcane language was not unknown to her - her neural mesh told her the meaning of the words almost before she had heard them. However, they barely registered in her consciousness. 
 
 ``... speak plain English!'' 
 
 `` I mean of course that the polls are not an unmoving artifice,'' the human continued, speaking to her as he would a child. `` They are driven by public opinion.'' 
 
 `` I know that!'' 
 
 `` Ah, you must forgive me, Minister, but it did appear that you were unaware of the circumstances surrounding the ever changing ediface upon our marvellous and dare I say, rather impressive democracy. Alas, it must be said, your most recent policy has aroused rather substantial ire.'' 
 
 `` It did n't a week ago!'' 
 
 `` One must be prepared for all eventualities'', he said with a smile. 
 
 There was some dissent, of course. The near godlike machines and their population of supine and servile organic pets looked poorly upon the practice from their bracelet worlds, they had their own policy of interference which was both legendary and almost untrackable. 
 
 None of that mattered now, of course. Choosing the starting point was part of the game. The larger nations were too mercurial - it would be difficult for a amalmar like herself to ingratiate herself long enough to effect a change. The older democracies however - much more stolid. Once established, a politician might remain for decades and their law was arcane and unshifting. Perfect territory for a long lived, observant species such as herself. 
 
 She had chosen a small island off the coast of one of the main continents particularly known for its adherence to tradition. First, take its democracy and then, use its soft power to influence the globe towards world governance. It would have been trivial for a vast intellect such as herself. 
 
 It had not gone well. She was stuck in the mid tier of government and had been for nearly three years. 
 
 `` No. No resignations,'' she said. `` I am not going over this. I will salvage this policy. Somehow.'' 
 
 `` This may prove difficult.'' 
 
 `` I've dealt with difficult,'' she snarled, knitting artificial brows together. `` Just tell me what I can do.'' 
 
 `` Well then, Minister, perhaps we can use the opportunity to revisit the other aspects of previous policies which you, in your wisdom, did not seek to support? After all, it would be most difficult if ones position were imperilled but with sufficient leverage one might find oneself able to manuever.'' 
 
 `` Such as?'' 
 
 `` The annual civil service reward scheme. The cuts to the civil service retinue for the Department of Social Affairs.'' 
 
 Milyama's blood cooled further. `` How will this help get me out of this mess?'' 
 
 `` Well,'' he replied, once more stretching the word, `` once the Minister sees fit to reverse their position on the well intentioned yet rather unfortunate reductions in civil service capability, it is entirely likely that the resulting press furore this generates for the Treasury who, of course, it will be made clear sought these reductions in capability in the first instance, may allow the Minister to reverse their present direction in such a way that convinces the press that the Minister merely intended for their views to inhabit the realm of opinion and were mere speculation rather than, per say, a concrete evaluation and construction of a future policy intended for the Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship.'' 
 
 Milyama felt her neural net sink into a sullen depression of its own. ``... what?'' 
 
 `` In essence, Minister,'' he finished, `` you never gave a speech intending to take the policy.'' 
 
 `` Yes I did,'' she replied. 
 
 `` On the contrary, Minister, you did not. Indeed, you never spoke on the subject other than in a speculative sense. You certainly did not make a public appearance on the matter.'' 
 
 This sank in. She felt her hopes sink further than her net had. `` The Treasury are going to be spitting feathers. And all I need to do is...?'' 
 
 `` Simply make a statement giving your full support for the Civil Service Remuneration Scheme for High Performers for the coming year. I have already drafted such and am sure,'' he said, placing a piece of paper on the desk, `` that the Minister will find this to your satisfaction.'' 
 
 She read it and then looked up. Her aide smiled down at her, like he always did. `` This is almost exactly the opposite of what I said!'' 
 
 `` Ah, on the contrary, Minister, it merely corrects the record of the facts so that future historians will be of no doubt that the Minister gave their full support to the Civil Service in a time of dire financial crisis.'' 
 
 Milyama felt her career tip down the drain. With it went trillions of credits. `` And you'll handle the rest of it?'' 
 
 Kerin-Dris Maral Sera Esta Rerinhold, agent of the Culture's Special Circumstances section and commonly known as Sir Humphrey, smiled once more with beatific calm. `` Yes, Minister.''
