[ WP ] A company hires the devil to get people and other companies to sign into terrible deals

`` You do n't mind if my associate joins our meeting?'' Beelzebub gestured to a shadowy, and malevolently silent, figure who was calmly taking a seat. 
 
 Chris opened his mouth to object, but the words he found himself saying, to his great surprise, were: `` No problem. Nice to meet you.'' 
 
 `` Good,'' said Beelzebub, trying to arrange his tail so he could sit comfortably. `` You wanted to see me?'' 
 
 `` Yes I did,'' said Chris Davies, now fully in control of his speech again. `` And I have to tell you I'm not very satisfied with your work. To put it bluntly, our sales have tanked. Our shareholders are furious!'' 
 
 Beelzebub coughed, sending a slight whiff of brimstone into the room, and scratched his left horn in embarrassment. `` I, er, appreciate your candour, Mr Davies, but I'm not sure what my work has to do with your sales. Perhaps your marketing department would—'' 
 
 `` No, Mr Beelzebub, that will not do. You promised me that I would make billions if I hired you.'' 
 
 Beelzebub's eyebrows shot up. `` Did I?'' he asked mildly. 
 
 `` I distinctly remember.'' 
 
 `` Billions of what?'' 
 
 This stopped Chris in his tracks. Barely a minute had passed, and already the meeting had taken an unexpected turn. `` Well, er... dollars, obviously.'' 
 
 `` Oh no, I never said that.'' 
 
 `` Well, what did you say?'' 
 
 `` Billions.'' 
 
 `` Billions of what?'' demanded Chris, suddenly realising that that had been Beelzebub's line. 
 
 `` Could have been dollars, I suppose. Not US dollars, obviously. Zimbabwean dollars, perhaps. Actually, though, come to think of it, I probably meant enemies.'' 
 
 Chris briefly considered raising the point that it was not really possible to make *billions* of enemies, but thought better of it. Apart from the fact that, at this rate, it probably was going to happen, he needed to regain control of the conversation and go on the attack. He levelled a finger at Beelzebub and tried to ignore the fact that it was trembling. 
 
 `` I hired you to screw our customers and competitors. And now nobody wants to do business with us.'' 
 
 Beelzebub inclined his head to one side. There was an awkward silence. Beelzebub blinked. `` Go on,'' he said. 
 
 `` Well... that's it.'' 
 
 `` But, Mr Davies, what did you expect? If you screw your customers, they're not going to want to do business with you.'' 
 
 `` That was n't in the contract!'' 
 
 `` Well, no. Why would it have been?'' Beelzebub leaned forward. `` You hired me to get your customers and your competitors to sign deals that would prove disadvantageous to them. And you have to admit, that's exactly what I did.'' He settled back again, chuckling. `` There's that one lady in Ohio — ha! — still unable to get rid of all those nuclear reactors she accidentally bought. But I think I'm most proud of what I did to Google: they never saw that coming! And—'' 
 
 `` Yes, but what about *my* business?'' 
 
 `` What about your business, Mr Davies? There was nothing in our contract that said I had any obligation to *your* business. Get your legal department to check it over for you: you'll find, I am quite sure, that I have kept my side of the deal. To the letter.'' 
 
 Chris realised his mouth was open. He shut it, and then noticed that Beelzebub's mysterious associate had stood up. Beelzebub, meanwhile, was still talking. `` And as for your side of the deal, Mr Davies, I should like to be paid now.'' 
 
 Chris found his voice again. `` Are you kidding? I'm practically bankrupt thanks to you.'' 
 
 The associate was wearing a long, black cloak. With a cowl, which hid his — her? — face. 
 
 `` In that case, Mr Davies,'' said the devil, `` our standard terms of service apply. Paragraph 426, section 4, subsection 8a.'' 
 
 `` Terms of service?'' 
 
 `` Yes, it was included in the contract. You did read the terms, did n't you? They were in Appendix 53.'' 
 
 The associate was reaching into his ( or her ) cloak. Chris realized he was sweating. `` What... Paragraph... four hundred and... what?'' 
 
 `` Paragraph 426, section 4, subsection 8a.'In the event of inability to pay,''' quoted Beelzebub, ``'the client shall be forfeit as per the usual provisions set forth in Universal Law.''' 
 
 `` What...?'' Chris's throat had gone dry. `` What... does that entail?'' 
 
 `` I think you know, Christopher James Davies. I think you know.'' 
 
 The associate was now holding a scythe.
