[ WP ] The real reason Daft Punk wear helmets .

`` Dude... where are they?'' 
 
 `` What do you mean - I thought you had them!'' 
 
 `` I thought you were bringing them to Pierre to get them polished!'' 
 
 `` Do n't yell at me Thomas!'' 
 
 A door slides open, and a skinny, fidgety man, the promoter, pokes his head in. He's wearing a mic headset and has a clipboard in his hand, and he's also wearing a halo device around his neck and head. 
 
 He called out in a nasily voice, `` Okay, you guys go on in thirty. Do you have everything you need?'' 
 
 `` What does it look like?!?'' Thomas shouted, whirling around furiously. `` How do you even know this is the real us!?'' The promoter recoils as Thomas lashes out at him. 
 
 The promoter began to stutter, `` W-well I just assumed-'' 
 
 `` Well that makes you an ass! I could be DeadMau5! Did you even think of that!?'' 
 
 Thomas' face is burning red right now, his veins throbbing under his skin. He whips out a lightsaber and slices the couch in half, causing the promoter to help and fall backward. Guy grabs Thomas and spins him around. 
 
 `` Forget about Robocop over there, we need to find our helmets!'' 
 
 `` We have to take him out! He's clearly a spy!'' 
 
 Guy quirks his eyebrow in confusion. `` For the Society of-'' 
 
 `` -Of the Unmasked!'' 
 
 Guy seems to consider this for a moment. 
 
 `` Hmm, I had n't thought of that. But we ca n't kill him, we need him for the show.'' 
 
 Thomas shrugs out of his grasp. `` Fine, but I still think he's a spy.'' The promoter is shaking on the ground, holding his clipboard in front of him defensively. 
 
 `` I'm not in any society I swear! Well, I do subscribe to the bacon of the month club but that's it! I was even thinking about cancelling my subscription-'' 
 
 `` Shut up!'' The man stops babbling as Guy cuts in. `` Go to your leaders and tell them we're coming for them.'' The promoter nods dumbly, retrieves his clipboard and stumbles out the door. Guy turns to Thomas. `` Get the bikes ready.'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 VROOM! 
 
 BOOM! 
 
 `` Wooohooo!'' 
 
 Two brilliantly lit motorcycles burst zip along the highway, leaving trails of explosions behind them. Each bike is decorated brilliantly with streaks of pulsing LED lights, one blue and one red. Emanating from the rear of the bike was a trail of ethereal light that followed the bikes like the tail of the snake from the old phone games. And every time that light made contact with something, it would cause it to explode. 
 
 BOOM! 
 
 `` That's sixty-three civilians for me!'' 
 
 There was very heavy traffic on the highway at this hour. 
 
 `` Look, there it is! The SU headquarters!'' 
 
 Thomas points ahead of them at the horizon, where a tall, imperial tower looms above the skyline. On the front of the tower in giant, brilliant glowing letters reads: HAHA DAFT PUNK WE TOOK YOUR HELMETS! SUCK IT! 
 
 `` What a bunch of jerks!'' 
 
 `` Such jerks!'' 
 
 The letters on the building suddenly change: NU-UH YOU'RE A BUNCH OF JERKS! 
 
 `` Those fucking jerks!'' Their bikes speed up and suddenly rockets burst out from the back. Blue flames burst forth from them and the bikes lift off into the sky straight towards the building. They crash through the letters on the building and into the inside of the top floor. There waiting for them is a group of men dressed like monks with the skin on their faces peeled off. 
 
 `` It's Daft Punk! Rip their faces off!'' The members of Daft Punk quickly draw their lightsabers and lunge at the faceless monks. Green and blue beams of light swirl and dance around like a Cirque show as limbs are sent flying and copious amount of blood leak everywhere. After a frw moments all of the monks are dead. 
 
 `` That was too easy.'' 
 
 `` Yeah but... we have lightsabers.'' 
 
 `` True.'' 
 
 Guy puts his lightsaber away and begins to look around. He finds a small switch on the wall and clicks it. The section of the wall next to him slides open, revealing a sort of trophy case of masks. Along with Daft Punk's masks are the Iron Man helmet, Sir Bedevere's caged helmet, a stick with Cheebacca's head on it, the Scream mask, the Philly Phanatic's head, a poorly drawn robot face on a box and an exact replica of Patrick Shwayze's face. 
 
 `` P. Shwayz!'' Guy reaches out and grabs the Shwayze mask. 
 
 `` We do n't have time! Get the masks and let's go!'' 
 
 `` But we can send a chopper to pick this up right?'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 `` DAFT PUNK! DAFT PUNK! DAFT PUNK!'' 
 
 The Cheers from the crowd can be heard from the dressing room. Thomas and Guy clink two glasses together and down their contents. 
 
 Guy puts his mask on and clicks a button, turning on the new LED lights in it. `` Ready?'' 
 
 `` No wait!'' Thomas runs over to a cabinet and rummages through it for a moment before pulling out two 40 oz malt bottles. He brings them over to his helmet and opens a secret compartment on the top. He pours both forties in, closes the compartment, puts the helmet on his head and clicks the lights on. `` Now I'm ready.'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 `` Hello, this is the 12-Step Bacon Program. How can we help you?'' 
 
 `` They're coming for you! They told me to tell you-'' 
 
 The promoter is shouting into the phone. He is sweating profusely and keeps looking over his shoulder. 
 
 `` I'm sorry sir, are you calling about this month's Porkadone Package? Unfortunately some of the samples of methadone-infused bacon were actually infused with Angel Dust... we're terribly sorry about this.'' 
 
 `` Just give them their helmets back!'' 
 
 `` Oh unfortunately, we can not give you a refund for this month due to the nature of our contract. But next month we will be sending out complimentary stuffed koala bears, to ease your descent into madness. Is that all sir?'' 
 
 `` But the robots-'' 
 
 `` Okay well, we're glad we heard from you today, and we hoped we could answer all of your questions. Thanks for choosing the 12-Step Bacon Program, and remember, keep chasing that bacon!'' 
 
 CLICK. 
 
 -- - 
 
 That got dumber and dumber. Fun stuff though.
