[ EU ] Successful businessman , screenwriter , and comedian Michael Scott decides to enter the political arena

Michael walked up to the supermarket cashier, `` Excuse me miss where is the Vaseline... I mean toilet paper, where is the toilet paper?'' He smacked his forehead in cringe. Is this what he'd been reduced to? If this was the onset of some pavlovian tick where he could n't think of toilet paper without some moisturizer then adjustments needed to be made no more....'' 
 
 `` Aisle 7,'' she said. She smiled. It confused Michael, was she on to his goof or was this just part of the great customer service of Ekno Mart? Anyway, it was meant to be an ice breaker. Now he headed to the aisle actually looking for some tissue as he collected his thoughts. 
 
 Aisle 7 had more than he could use in a lifetime. With the urge to redeem himself, he picked a six-pack of the most expensive. `` Latmin's baby soft, four plies softer than heaven's judgement.'' She'd see he was a classy man. He then picked two more of the stuff normally used by the masses. 
 
 He walked up to the cashier. With 3 beeps her work was half done. He took the opportunity to start talking. `` Did you know miss that there are currently no laws regulating the toilet paper industry in this nation.'' 
 
 Her slit eyes opened slightly, `` Oh, I did n't know.'' 
 
 `` It's okay I understand, but I do know, I've spent many years in the paper manufacture industry and I know all there is to this little roll you have here.'' 
 
 She looked at him hoping he'd open his wallet soon. 
 
 `` Do you know what they are doing?'' 
 
 `` Um... no.'' 
 
 `` They are rippng you off. Did you know that the average human hand is 7.1 inches wide? 7.105 inches to be precise but we wo n't get into specifics. Now the average toilet paper roll is just 3.5 inches wide.'' 
 
 `` Sir, could you move it,'' A small line had formed at their till. 
 
 Michael faced them, `` This is important I'd appreciate it if you all listened.'' 
 
 `` Do you see where I'm going with this? This tissue is not the proper size for a human hand.'' 
 
 The people behind him moved to the next till while the helpless cashier had to nod politely and pretend to care. 
 
 `` Hope is n't lost though. I am vying for congress and I want to introduce this bill,'The Kleenex Act' that will force all tissue manufacturers to make their toilet paper a standard length and width.'' 
 
 `` Is that all?'' she shot a look at security. He stood up indicating he was ready to earn his pay for the day. 
 
 `` That's just the start, we could then have a tissue regulation board that will make sure those swindlers produce nothing less than quality for the citizens. That's all. Thank you for your time. Remember, a vote for Michael Scott is a vote for a cleaner, healthier you.'' He handed her the money. She was cringing at the last part. He left the supermarket with a spring in his step. It would take some effort but he was ready to do everything in his power to build this community the only way he knew how. 
 

