[ WP ] You are constantly getting knocked out from behind or shot with sleep darts at your job , after which the surrounding area is destroyed by epic superhero battles . Today is your performance review . You are the Night Watchman .

My phone dinged with a work email. `` Performance review today. Please arrive one hour early and be prepared to afterward perform your usual job duties.'' 
 
 That one caught me off-guard more than the last time Doctor Improbable darted me. Performance review? I was the night watchman at the Center for the Study of Omega Radiation, and about every four or five nights someone would knock me out ( some with darts, some with the classic punch, a couple different tasers ) and then when I woke up the reactors would be about five minutes from melting down and scattered across the building. It got to the point that I wore a boxing helmet for the punches and learned how to take a punch. I also kept a lead-lined coverall in my office so I could get close enough to shut down the reactors. I was just glad the Center offered such good insurance that I could keep getting checked out at the hospital. 
 
 `` I am so fired,'' I murmured to myself as I drove in. `` I have n't stopped any break-ins and there's always a ton of destruction every few days I'm surprised they have anything left.'' 
 
 So when I walked in, I was surprised by the pleasant smile on my boss's face. 
 
 `` Have a seat,'' she said, almost obequious. 
 
 I sat down, immediately suspicious. `` So. Performance review?'' 
 
 `` Yes,'' she said. `` You've been here a year. I had to appeal to my superiors, but they agreed you deserve to know some things. I hope afterwards you'd be willing to stay with us, but I, for one, would understand if you decided to move on.'' 
 
 She pulled out a folder marked `` Eyes-Only'' and handed it to me. 
 
 The very first line was a study done. I did n't understand it perfectly, but it seemed to consider the dangers of supervillains and the marginal value of heroes stopping them compared with stopping them the usual way. It seemed to suggest that if property damage could be localized and minimized the heroes pulled ahead. Well, we were n't getting rid of heroes and villains any time soon. 
 
 Another study showed that creating an obvious target would draw the supervillains and localize the property damage. The Center was seemingly a perfect target. No, it was better than perfect; it specifically existed to be targeted. While it did technically generate some power, there was n't any actual radiation. A dummy reactor fed into dummy readouts. Once in a while they'd make something in a real lab that did n't do anything and send it there to make it a better target. 
 
 The last document there was a personnel history file, with hire dates and exit dates, in reverse chronological order. I was on there, for a year. The previous year, they had eight night watchmen. Three had died, four had quit, and one had apparently become the Leopard, a notorious cat burglar villain. I wracked my brain trying to remember if I'd ever encountered him and then realized I had n't. He probably figured out what was going on and hated being a sitting duck. 
 
 I closed the file, struggling to keep a straight face. `` So that's why the job pays so much and has such great insurance. I'll stay on. I've got a front-row seat to the designated battleground for supers. I've even managed to stay conscious for a few of them.''
