[ WP ] God answers all of your prayers , and only your prayers . God is also kind of a dick with a matching sense of humor .

“ Please God, let me win this one, ” you said, down on your knees before the big match. 
 
 And you won that one. 
 
 “ Please God, thank you God, thank you for the last one, please let me win the next one. ” 
 
 And win the next one you did. 
 
 “ Please God, thank you God, ” and so on and so forth, until you've felled Federer, Djokovic, Murray, Nadal, and won Wimbledon. 
 
 Then the Australian Open. 
 
 Then the US Open. 
 
 Then suddenly you ’ re three years unbeaten. Then four. Then five. 
 
 “ Please God, end poverty in Africa, ” you say, getting the first pangs of guilt at your prayers all coming true. 
 
 That ’ s when things became worrying. When an entire continent was wiped out by a mysterious new disease that for some reason stopped itself at the Meditteranean. 
 
 “ Please God, do something about global warming. ” 
 
 And do something he did. The world and its five inhabited continents were plunged into an Ice Age. 
 
 “ Please God, let me win this one, ” you said after the diagnosis. 
 And the next one. And the one after that. 
 
 A thousand years later, you are undefeated, blessed with supreme immunity, the last living being upon the Earth. Then you wish you were dead. Then you die. And that cunt God finally gets his fucking jollies in. 

