[ WP ] Your narrator seems to think he is narrating a horror story . You 're not amused .

Everyone has a voice inside their head. Usually the voice is there to bring up embarrassing things you did in high school and remind you of important deadlines after they ’ ve passed. 
 
 Jared had two voices in his head. No more, no less. One voice was his own, but the other voice was different. For starters, it wasn ’ t his own voice. It was the voice of a middle aged British man. This is somewhat peculiar since Jared was a twenty-five year old from Connecticut who had never been abroad. Jared never bothered to discuss this with anyone. He just accepted it as the norm since it had been with him for as long as he could remember. 
 
 To make matters worse, the voice ’ s sole function in his head was to narrate his life. Jared couldn ’ t converse with this voice no matter how much he tried. It simply narrated his actions and feelings. Much to Jared ’ s frustration, it was often wrong about what it was saying. There was always a modicum of truth to what it said, but it twisted the truth in bizarre ways. It used to drive him crazy. Nowadays, he had mostly learned to ignore it. 
 
 Having a British man in your head narrating your life makes it difficult to socialize at times. Jared realized he couldn ’ t trust the voice early on, when he was in elementary school. He was eating lunch with one of the few friends he had when the voice claimed that his friend had stolen some grapes out of his lunch bag. After accusations declared and a friendship soured, Jared found out that the voice had fingered the wrong kid. Someone else had stolen his grapes. 
 
 Jared blamed his lack of social skills on the British voice. He was shy around most people, and seeing any halfway attractive female left his palms sweaty and his mind blank. Tired of the relentless loneliness and lack of intimacy, Jared tried his hand at online dating. He enjoyed using Tinder. It allowed him time to craft thoughtful responses and to hide from the inevitable gauntlet of face to face interaction. 
 
 Eventually, he matched with a girl named Vanessa. For some reason she decided that Jared tickled her fancy and agreed to meet up for a date. The plan was to meet at a nearby cafe one evening. When the night came, Jared was a nervous wreck. He showered and was in the process of shaving when the voice chimed in. 
 
 *Jared had waited for this night all his life. He couldn ’ t contain his bloodlust any longer. * 
 
 “ Ow! ” Jared shrieked. 
 
 He cut himself with his razor at that last line. Bloodlust? What narrative was the voice spinning tonight? He finished shaving, and started dressing himself 
 
 *He chose dark clothing, for stealth. He donned his favorite leather boots in case he needed to take her into the woods. * 
 
 “ What the hell are you talking about? ” Jared demanded with incredulity. 
 
 This voice was making him sound like a serial killer. He did not need this on his first date. “ Whatever, fuck it ” he said, to his empty room. 
 
 *Jared had been stalking Vanessa ’ s social media profiles for weeks. He pored over every detail he could learn about her. He was obsessed with her. He loved her. He wanted her dead. * 
 
 Jared seriously considered cancelling the date as he walked towards the cafe. This voice was pissing him off, and he didn ’ t want to make a bad first impression. He continued on. He had already cancelled twice because of nerves, and he knew he couldn ’ t again. 
 
 *Jared walked at a slow and deliberate pace. As each boot step squashes the grass beneath him, he imagines himself crushing Vanessa ’ s windpipe under his foot. * 
 
 “ No I do n't ” he growled to himself through clenched teeth as he fought to keep the proposed image out of his head. He walked up to the cafe and saw Vanessa through the window. 
 
 *She looked even better than he had imagined. He wanted to take her behind the cafe and choke the life out of her immediately. * 
 
 Jared made a mental note to see a psychiatrist the next day. The date went better than he expected despite the horror story unfolding in his head. Vanessa was incredibly easy to talk to, and she seemed not to notice, or at least ignore his preoccupation. 
 
 *Every second passed with agony, Jared just wanted to get her out of the cafe so he could make her heart stop beating. * 
 
 After the fifth grisly murder scenario proposed by the narrator, Jared had to excuse himself to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face and stared at himself in the mirror. 
 
 “ Stop what you ’ re doing! ” He ordered the voice with ferocity. A man using the urinal quickly finished peeing and scurried out of the bathroom. 
 
 *The anger was building in Jared. He knew it was time for someone to die. He could see it. Blood everywhere. He longed for it. It was inevitable. It always had been. Jared stopped talking to himself in the bathroom, so as not to appear completely insane, and returned to his date. * 
 
 “ Are you okay? ” Vanessa asked, “ You seem upset. ” 
 
 “ I ’ m fine, I just have a lot on my mind from work ” he lied. 
 
 “ How about we go back to my place then? I ’ ll make you a drink ” she said. 
 
 Jared couldn ’ t believe she was inviting him back. He thought for sure that she wasn ’ t into him. 
 
 “ Sure, I ’ m down with that ” Jared started to feel more at ease. They exited the cafe and began walking to Vanessa ’ s which was only a few minutes away. 
 
 *Soon. Soon, Jared would be alone with her. He walked with purpose to her apartment. The end is nigh. * 
 
 “ I usually don ’ t take people back to my place this soon. I just feel like I know you since we ’ ve been talking on Tinder for so long. You ’ re not going to murder me are you? ” Vanessa asked playfully. 
 
 *Yes, without a doubt* 
 
 “ No! I promise ” he said, feeling somewhat uneasy. 
 
 They entered Vanessa ’ s apartment. She poured him a drink, and after they clinked glasses, she excused herself to the kitchen. 
 
 *The time is now. Jared knew death was approaching. * 
 
 Jared simply rolled his eyes, he wasn ’ t going to let this old Brit ruin his evening. Vanessa came back into the room. He turned around as she plunged a butcher ’ s knife into his stomach. He looked up at Vanessa in shock. Her face lit up with delight and she let out a sickly cackle. Jared, still in shock, shoved Vanessa to the ground and pulled the knife out of his stomach. He ran out of her apartment doubled over, clutching his wound. He made it to the stairwell when she caught up with him. She swung at him wildly with another, more serrated knife. Thanks to the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he felt nothing as she cut into his forearm. The knife became lodged in his arm; Jared saw his opening. He grabbed Vanessa and, with all the strength he could muster, threw her down the stairs. 
 
 *Vanessa tumbled down the stairs and landed on her head with a satisfying crack against the cement. Blood oozed out of her skull, but she was still moving. Jared hobbled down the stairs. He felt alive. He looked at her in disgust and crushed her windpipe with his boot. The first kill is always messy. *
