[ WP ] The New York sanitation workers have always secretly had the job of ridding the streets of cryptid monsters . Time to take out the trash !

Sanitation workers. It does n't matter what kind of life you lead, really -- you're always happy you're not one of them. They're the silent vanguard that protects the streets from garbage and feces. 
 
 Oh, yeah -- they also protect the citizens from garbage-borne monsters. That's something you're not supposed to know, though. 
 
 -- - 
 
 `` The monsters! They stalk the streets at night! The sewers are unsafe! They feed upon our fecal matter and grow **stronger! **'' 
 
 `` Yeah, whatever, you fuckin' loon,'' Henry says, hauling another garbage can over to the truck. `` Do n't you got a house of cats to get back to? Actually, do n't answer that. I do n't wan na know why you smell like you do. It's like you been swimming in dead cats and showerin' in vomit. Fuck outta here, loony.'' 
 
 `` Henry, stop insulting the bum and climb on. We just got a call from the boss,'' says Anice. 
 
 `` Oh, goody. A call from on high,'' Henry says, dumping the last of the garbage out of the can. He sets it back where it was, and then steps up onto the back of the truck. `` What's it this time? Kitten lost in a fuckin' drainpipe? Some bum fall ass-first into a manhole?'' 
 
 `` You know what it is when the boss calls us,'' Anice says, `` Drop the snark, dickhead. We're gon na go get suited up an' then we're going into the sewers.'' 
 
 `` Oh, *great*, one of these,'' Henry says, sounding none-too-pleased. The sewers always meant one of two things. 
 
 A blockage, or a creature. 
 
 -- - 
 
 `` Y'know my least favorite thing about the sewers, Anice?'' asks Henry, wearing a state-of-the-art environmental suit. Things like that are a requirement for this sort of job, these days. They're sealed and pressurized, so that the fleshy bits are n't bitten and the lungs are n't choked out. 
 
 `` I've heard it a million times, but go ahead, Henry. You'll say it even if I tell you to shut your stupid face,'' Anice replies. In her hands is a large and oddly shaped weapon, almost like a sword and a pizza cutter mixed together. Henry's is n't quite so big, but has a similar spinny-bit at the end, and is shaped more like an axe. 
 
 `` The sewer,'' Henry responds, resting his weapon over his shoulder. `` The entire fuckin' thing. It smells like sin, an' the tunnels twist an' wind an' shit. Where even are we? Who the *fuck* knows, right? We're just in the shit now, and we ca n't get outta the shit until we kill the shit-monsters.'' 
 
 `` Shit-monsters... you're right about that,'' Anice says, shortly gesturing ahead of them. Some writhing, pulsating mass of feces and bone rests a few feet ahead of the pair, making horrible noises and generally being pretty disgusting. It's easily twice as big as Anice, and that's saying something. 
 
 `` Damn iiiiit... we always get the shit jobs,'' Henry complains, `` Why ca n't we get sent out to cut up a croc' or something? Now our suits are gon na get *covered* in *shit*, and they'll turn me away at the speed-datin' place for a couple more weeks... Shit lingers, y'know?'' He pulls his weapon from his shoulder again, readying it. `` Fuck it. Let's get this over with. Nobody ever said sanitation was a rosy job.'' He breaks into a sprint, lifting his weapon over his head. `` Time to die, shit-for-brains!'' 
 
 `` Fuckin' guy says *shit* way too much,'' Anice mutters, taking wider strides to catch up to Henry. 
 
 The writhing feces beast turns as it hears the armored man sloshing through waste toward it, swinging outward with odd, dark-brown tendrils as he enters within a few meters of it. 
 
 Henry is, quite literally, swept off his feet and into a nearby wall. Almost immediately, the beast starts toward him, slowly covering and trying to crush him. `` Shit, Anice!'' 
 
 `` What about it?'' Anice asks, striding up next to the beast. She takes a wide and lumbering- but quite strong- swing at it, carving a deep hole into the thing's side. Bones start to bleed out through the hole, ranging from being as small as a rat to as large as... an alligator, oddly enough. 
 
 `` It tried to put shit in my mask, that's what,'' Henry says, finally standing as the thing recoils from Anice's hit. He retrieves his own weapon from the muck where it fell, and holds it up over his shoulder again. `` Now I'm fuckin' --'' 
 
 The beast swings its tendrils again, knocking Henry off of his feet once more. Signifying its low intelligence, it tries to crush him under its weight again, only to have Anice cut it open a moment later. After about five or six more repeats of that, the thing finally wanes, falls silent, and then disperses back into a lifeless pile of refuse. 
 
 Anice steps over to help Henry to his feet again. `` Job well done, Henry. You sure made a lot of openings for me.'' 
 
 `` Ehh... shut the hell up,'' says Henry, patting his hands over his suit. `` Looks like I'm fine... But, what the hell? Why was it only goin' after me?'' 
 
 `` You were making the most noise,'' Anice simply says, `` You got a bad temper, Henry. I do n't think the thing had eyes. Only turned when you got close, an' all.'' 
 
 `` God damn it. Fuck. Why did n't you tell me?'' Henry asks, `` Now I'm coated head-to-toe in-'' 
 
 ``'Cause it was funny as hell to me, Henry. That's why. Anyway, readings picked up three down here. Means we got ta find two more,'' Anice says, shouldering her weapon and soldiering onward. 
 
 `` Fuck. You're gon na be the one batted around next time, you hear? Not me.'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 `` You two smell fantastic. Really, wonderful. Go get pressure-washed before you put those suits away. Christ.'' 
 
 `` I better get a bonus for this.'' 
 
 `` We never do. It's a living, at least.'' 

