[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Dear niece, 
 
 First things first. I know it may seem that I have forgotten about you, or that I do not care about you, but that could not be further from the truth. I think about you every single day. I ponder how to separate you from the miserable life you are living. I think about how I could take you into my home and raise you in a relatively “ normal ” family environment. I just don ’ t know how to do it. I don ’ t know if you would want to. It is a large adjustment for someone your age to be moved around all over the place. A child needs roots in order to grow. You have never truly had roots though. You ’ ve never had the opportunity to grow and it is devastating to watch. 
 
 You my dear, are surrounded by emotionally immature adults. It is extremely hard to reason with your mother. She is my sister, one among 5 and the one that I get along with least. This is for many reasons beyond my control. She was the last born before me and since our older sisters did not live with us growing up she was the “ middle child ” of the home. I took away her baby status and she has hated me for it. I don ’ t blame her though. As the baby there were a lot of perks. Like our Dad was finally old enough to realize that hitting kids is not a way to control them. I only got hit by him once in my memory. I do however remember him hitting her on a few occasions. She received very poor treatment by the hands of our Dad. She never matured past the date of our mother ’ s death. She is perpetually 16 and for that reason, she can never be a parent to you, the way she should be. 
 
 Our Dad was put up for adoption at a young age. I think around 4 or 5. Everything was great and then the war happened. WWII. Our ( adoptive ) Grandpa went to war, and was captured by the Germans. He spent time in a POW camp and experienced many horrific things. After the war he came home and it is my understanding that he experienced Shell Shock or better known today as PTSD. The PTSD created many traumatic events for our Dad. He saw his father deteriorate and drink and become abusive. Growing up, that ’ s the life my father experienced, so he learned it and did it to his kids. That ’ s how he thought someone parented. He passed it on to your Mom and she is passing it on to you. I ’ ve tried to break the cycle in my home. The problem is, you can only break it, if you can see it. 
 
 I believe I was only able to break the cycle because I got out of my Dad ’ s home by the age of 14 and lived with your other older Auntie. She was able to let me see a different way of loving someone. A kinder and gentler way ( she also got out early and lived with one of our Mom ’ s friends ). Also, your Grandpa did show me warmth. He never did show it to your Mom. She disappointed him from the start, only he will ever know why. He is simply a manipulative, controlling asshole. Simple as that. 
 
 I know it doesn ’ t make up for the behaviour of your Mom, but it does help to answer why. I am simply trying to tell you that the reason that she can ’ t raise you with love is because she was never shown love. Our Mom was unable to protect her, she tried the best she could. Except, she died. That ’ s when all growth stopped for your Mom. She does love you, she does. I want you to know none of any of the behaviour of the adults surrounding you is your fault. You are an innocent child in a very tumultuous family cycle. 
 
 Now, I know you ’ re making mistakes. Of course you are! How could you not be? You need to be able to cope somehow, and the best way to do that is to with drugs and alcohol. After all, it is all you have known, that ’ s how you ’ ve seen all the adults in your life cope. It ’ s not the only way though! You just need someone to support you and give you the love and roots necessary to grow. 
 
 I want to take you and care for you. I desperately do. I want to help you change your life, like your other Auntie did for me. I wasn ’ t always there for you in your life, because I don ’ t know how to break through all the barriers separating us. There are so many. The biggest thing I want you to know in all of this rambling is that, I love you. I think you ’ re amazing. Even with all the crazy shit you ’ re doing now to try and escape your life, I have been there. I have done it and I hope you come through the other side. I know what it is to pray to a god you don ’ t believe in, to want to be taken away. To be placed with a new family. A “ normal ” one. I know what it is like to wonder why nobody is coming to help you. I want you to know, I want to. I desperately want to. I just don ’ t know how to get there. I LOVE YOU! You are special! You are kind! There are 4 other Auntie ’ s that all LOVE you. We just don ’ t know how to save you. 
 
 Love Auntie. 
 
 Edit: Missed a word 

