[ WP ] A man ends World War III by dropping a 'Your mom ' joke so epic the president of Russia kills himself in shame .

Everything we believed up until now had been wrong. War was n't a dick measuring contest over who had the bigger guns. It's a battle of wits now, which is proven by whatever the fuck just happened yesterday. 
 
 **24 HOURS PRIOR** 
 
 `` Hey, who is that guy? Is he walking up there unarmed?'' 
 
 `` Must be Helen Keller's son, cuz he ca n't see or hear that there's a fuckin' war going on!'' 
 
 An artillery shell dropped near the squad's position, forcing them into cover. `` Shit!'' I exclaimed. `` Status report!'' `` I'm good!'' `` Fuck, my leg!'' There was n't a third response. One of my men was injured and another one dead. I was going to go retrieve that guy, but now I ca n't mobilize enough men to ensure safety. I looked over the mound to see that the guy had reached the president's estate. What the fuck was he doing? 
 
 Once he reached 200 feet range, snipers were trained on him. He dropped everything he had on him to show them he was n't armed and had no intentions to do anything stupid, besides walking up to Putin's fucking home. `` I want to speak with the president!'' he yelled. The snipers laughed and exchanged something in Russian. `` Are you stupid? We're not just going to have him walk out here in broad daylight. How many snipers you got trained on this building?'' one asked. `` None. The only opposition here is that squad of 4, which is now about 2, and they wo n't be trying anything. They're kind of low on men.'' he stated. Cheeky cunt. `` I've already proven I'm not armed, so let's get him out here.'' 
 
 The snipers conversed some more, and then one spoke through his radio. A few seconds later, Putin came over the building's intercom and said, `` I'm not stupid enough to come out there. State what you want, and I'll decide if you live.'' The man then spoke a phrase that would echo throughout the world for centuries to come. `` Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, your mother is such a slut, she started a social revolution that allowed everyone to have a share of that ass!'' The intercom made a thumping noise, as if the radio had been dropped. Then, we heard footsteps, a box opening, and a gunshot, in that order. The snipers rushed inside to see what had happened. Half a minute later, they came out. Their faces were sullen and defeated. The lead one declared, `` The President is dead. The burn was simply too sick, so he ended the pain. Expect a treaty meeting soon.'' They walked back inside. The man in front of the building turned around and walked away, whistling `` God Bless America'' while we stared at him in pure awe. After he was gone, I looked back at the one man that was still in good condition. `` What in God's holy fucking name just happened?'' He said, `` I'm not sure, but I caught it all on camera.''
