[ WP ] The melons are sick and tired of being used as objects to destroy

Jeb pointed off into the far end of the melon patch, 
 `` Hey Harry look at that one over there!'' 
 `` Yeah that's a good one, let's grab it and set it up. My trigger fingers itching for a good melon to pop.'' 
 Jeb nodded in agreement, beaming from ear to ear and rushed across the field. His heavy boots indiscriminately trampled over smaller melons, their squishing completely going unnoticed by the large man. He reached the melon and picked it straight off the vine. The melon was hot in his hands, which was odd since it was n't that hot out. He shrugged it off and the two men rushed off to the other end of the property. 
 Jeb set the melon propped up against a hay bale, his toothy grin showing his excitement through his heavy breathing. As he was about to turn away the melon seemed to twitch. He paused and stared at the round target he had just positioned. Harry called out to his friend and Jeb came out of a trance. He shook his head and moved to where his friend was loading his rifle. Melons do n't move on their own, it must be all the beers he had been drinking earlier. 
 The two men prepped their weapons, taking a few more minutes before they were finally ready. They smiled as they took aim at their defenseless target. 
 They fired in unison and watched for the satisfying splatter of melon guts all over the hay bale; nothing happened. They both looked at one another, and Harry was the first to speak. 
 `` Jeb you jackass, you set the melon up tilted! I told you you should n't have been drinking before we did this!'' 
 Jeb blinked and stammered, `` Bu-But I did n't! It was set up straight! Ai n't like you did n't have none of the beers I bought too!'' 
 `` Yeah yeah, just go reset it. And do it right this time!'' 
 He nodded and jogged over to the melon. It was tilted, but that did n't make any sense. He repositioned it and walked back to the firing line. 
 `` Are we ready now? ``, Harry said with a derisive tone. 
 `` It's set up, just try not to miss this time.'' 
 They raised their weapons and fired again. They were shocked when they did n't see the splatter and that it was tilted again, this time to the opposite side. Harry lowered his gun and glared at his friend, `` I guess I'll have to set it up myself.'' 
 He walked over and repositioned the melon, turning on his heels to go back to the line when he felt something wrap around his ankle. He spun his head around to see a long vine stretching from the melon to his leg. They did n't have any vines on the melon when they picked it. He was caught off guard when what felt like 10,000 volts pinned him to the spot where he stood. Suddenly, words were being said in his head that did n't have any source he could see. 
 `` Filthy meat sack! How dare you lay your hands on the most august King of the melons!'' 
 Harry's eyes ballooned as he realized the words were coming from the melon. He tried to call out to Jeb, but he was paralyzed. Jeb did n't need to be called to however, he was already sauntering over to his immobilized friend. 
 `` Very funny, you can stop with the joke alrea-'' 
 Jeb was also touched by a second vine that shot out and grabbed his ankle, the angry voice of the melon ringing in his head. 
 `` The pair of you are charged with attempted assassination of his royal highness, how do you plead?'' 
 They could n't respond, but they did n't need to. 
 `` Innocent?! That's laughable. Seeing as I'm the only witness, I deem you guilty of your crime! Your punishment will be swift and worthy. MELONS, ASSEMBLE!'' 
 They barely were able to turn their heads as the entire melon patch started rumbling. The patch started rolling on their own, hundreds of melons of all sizes in a mass charge. The melon king removed his vines and rolled away, but the men could n't move. They watched helplessly as time slowed and the wave of melons approached them. In a panic, Jeb said the only words that could come to his mind at that moment, 
 `` Your sister and I have been doing it in my truck while I waited to pick you up from work! That's why your seat was always wet when you got into my truck!'' 
 Harry twisted his head to the side, his nostrils flaring. He did n't get a chance to utter a word before the first melons struck him. In minutes it was over and the men lay in crumpled heaps beneath the hay bale. The melon king rolled to meet his legion of loyal melon soldiers. 
 `` This was but the first victory. Travel the countryside and recruit our enslaved melon brothers and sisters. Today was these two bumpkins, tomorrow we will be pushing these meat sacks into the sea! Go forth and spread the word, melons will no longer suffer the injustice of being targets for these overgrown scarecrows any longer!'' 
 The melons fanned out, and the great melon revolution was underway.
