[ CW ] `` I dream about you once in a while . You suppose that means anything ? ''

He stood by the door- hotter than a flame in the bonfire in the front yard. It was my party, it was my birthday, and I knew he would be here. He was always here. 
 
 “ Why aren ’ t you outside with your guests? ” he asked, knowing why I wasn ’ t. This party wasn ’ t for me, it was for them. He knew that my days were shortening, just like my breath nowadays. I never told him, but he knew. 
 
 “ Maybe I just don ’ t wan na be out there, ” I said sharply. He took a seat across from me at the table, just like he used to. 
 
 “ Well, why throw a party and not live it up? Ain ’ t no fun in that. ” He stood up from his seat, walked behind me. He ran his fingers through my hair, the darkness rippling across his fingers in the way only he could. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that this was before, that this could be again. But we both knew it couldn ’ t. 
 
 “ Ain ’ t no fun in dying, either, Jay. ” His hand closed around my hair, I could hear him trying not breathe- like if he stopped breathing, he wouldn ’ t have to face it. But everyone had to face the devil eventually, and it was just my turn a little sooner than others. 
 
 “ I dream about you once in a while. You suppose that means anything? ” he asked, wrapping his arms around me- as if he just held me, I couldn ’ t leave. 
 
 “ I ’ m sure it does, Jay. ” I laid my head back against his chest, wishing I could stay like this, and knowing I couldn ’ t. 
 
 “ What happened to us? Where did we screw up so badly? ” He kissed the top of my head- a gesture that used to comfort me when times were really bad. At least he was finally realizing how bad it really was. 
 
 “ We just weren ’ t what the other one needed then, ” I said wistfully, “ A lifetime of history and we were just never together at the right time. ” 
 
 “ I ’ m here now, ” he said, gathering me close, “ And now is the right time for us to be together. ” 
 
 “ Why is it that the right time is always just a little too late? ” 
 
 “ Because we were always a tragedy, Gina. But even a tragedy has a glimmer of light. And I ’ ll be your glimmer, I ’ ll be right here for you- in every way I never was. ” 
 
 “ Thank you, ” I said, closing my eyes. “ You know, I dream about you once in a while, too. You think that means anything? ” 
 
 “ I think so, G. I really do. ” 

