[ WP ] You are in the middle of the ocean . You see a Great White racing at you ; death will seize you in exactly 13.4 seconds , you just know it . At this instant , you look at your watch , time seems to freeze . Every 'real ' second feels like an hour in your head as you await your impending doom .

Little Jimmy looked into his grandma's eyes. 
 
 `` Can I tell you a story grandma?'' asked little Jimmy. 
 
 `` Yes my child,'' replied grandma. 
 
 `` It all started three years ago. I was swimming in the middle of the ocean.'' 
 
 `` Jimmy...'' 
 
 `` No wait grandma, hear me out.'' 
 
 `` Okay then my child.'' 
 
 `` So this mA $ $ ive shark, great white I *presume*, comes swimming towards me at a speed of 1 yard per second. It was 0.006616069 nautical miles away.'' 
 
 `` Mmm hmm,'' said grandma, reminiscent of black women in films. Grandma was black as well. 
 
 `` But time slowed down.'' The words emerged from little Jimmy's fat lips. 
 
 `` /r/woahdude'' said grandma. 
 
 `` So I swam away because the shark was slowed down but for some reason I could move at normal pace.'' 
 
 `` What a stroke of good fortune!'' 
 
 `` I know! And when I got back to shore, a clown wished me happy birthday and spat on my girlfriend.'' 
 
 `` Then what happened?'' 
 
 `` The clown, my girlfriend and I went out for drinks to see what would happen.'' 
 
 `` And what did happen?'' 
 
 `` The clown began contracting slowly, as if being sucked into a black hole located in his belly button. My girlfriend got up and started walking round in a tight circle, doing Buddhist chanting. The wallpaper began to peel, one meter wide sheet at a time. Beneath it was new wallpaper in a multitude of different colours and patterns. Green with pink spots. Black and yellow vertical stripes. Rainbow Paisley. The last of the clown was sucked in, and where his belly button had been became a floating cricket ball. My girlfriend was 18 meters tall at this point, and in fact the whole room had stretched to accommodate her. A waiter came over to me and started talking backwards. Words felt like jelly in my ears. Time was neither fast nor slow now. My girlfriend was now a Chinese man, still tall, the waiter had become Chinese and short, and the wallpaper featured Chinese symbols. I made my way for the exit but it kept getting further away the longer I walked towards it. Then the door flew open and all the craziness of the bar was quickly sucked out. I looked around and everything was back to normal, although the clown was still gone. I caught a glimpse of insanity beyond the exit just before the door closed.'Another gin and tonic?' I asked my girlfriend.'Yes please,' she said.'' 
 
 `` Holy shit nigga that story was LIT 😂😂👌💯🌺🔥🔥🔥''
