[ EU ] Michael Scott is now the new CEO of Stratton Oakmont

`` Oh dear god,'' Michael Scott says as he chokes on the powder dust of falling off his tiramisu. `` David. Uhhh, David. How can Toby Flenderson be here? Did n't we ship him off to Malaysia for a HR Conference?'' 
 
 `` No Michael, he was on his honeymoon in Paris,'' replied VP David Wallace. The sigh was recognizable, as he had been through this conversation one hundred times. 
 
 `` Well, can we send him back for another HR Rep?'' Michael asked. 
 
 `` No,'' David said simply. `` This is new territory and I'm giving you some of your team to feel more comfortable.'' 
 
 `` Well Toby makes me feel uncomfortable... In my pants, David.'' Michael said snarkily. `` Can we at least use him for target practice? David?'' 
 
 The dial tone helped Michael realize David had hung up on him, indicating to Michael that there was not a `` no'' to this question. 
 
 `` So I'm the new CEO of Stratton Oakmont, a chair-man of Wall Street'' Michael giggled. `` I now own a big ass house and all these people. You know, they said,'Michael, you'll never climb higher than Dunder Mifflin.' And then they told me that I was actually at the wrong building for the interview, but anyways. I did it. I brought over some old faces. Ryan Howard is our new VP of Risk Management, Pamala Smahala Halpert is in charge of Office Operations and big Jimbo is our VP of New Business. Things are great! After this Jordan Bedford guy screwed up they were looking for a beautiful face. So walla! Michael Gary Scott was the man for the job.'' 
 
 `` But what about me Michael, you did n't mention me at all!'' Dwight K. Schrute whined from across the room. 
 
 `` Oh and Dwight...'' Michael sighed. 
 
 `` I sold my 40 acre beet farm for 1 % of Stratton Oakmont. I'm officially richer than anybody in Mexico and the rest of the Central American countries combined.'' Dwight stated with vigor. `` With the money I plan to start a new Beet Energy drink, the kids will love it.'' 
 
 ____ 
 
 The company has fallen by 50 % in 6 months. Phones are ringing off their hooks in the Stratton Oakmont Scranton location. But the employees are no where to be found. 
 
 `` We have had some major losses,'' Michael said sadly. `` I had no idea investments could just, become nothing. You know....I had this guy come to my house to sell me insurance once. He said that when I turned 60 I'll make like, 600,000 dollars. Just for paying him. Well, I turned 60 last year and no one ever came to my door with one of those big checks and balloons. But, uh, I still pay into that account every month.'' 
 
 Flash to Dwight, the only other person in the office. He's alone in the old Annex, paging through old client files from his paper business days. 
 
 `` Paper was simple. I ca n't believe how many customers I used to scam into buying card stock for double the price. I almost feel bad.'' Dwight sighed into his chair. The remnants of what used to be the prosperous Dunder Mifflin, to the unflattering days of Sabre, and the final transformation of Stratton Oakmont had diminished the character of the office. The humble cubicles once housed a family within the paper company. Now the walls could only speak of failed investments and the now, almost dead, Stratton Oakmont. 
 
 `` MICHAEL!'' Dwight burst through the office to Michael's office. `` Michael, I have an idea!'' 
 
 `` Shut up Dwight, I'm trying to figure out a way to beat minesweeper.'' 
 
 `` We blow up the building,'' Dwight proclaimed. Michael's eyes grew wide with interest. `` I know how to make any kind of bomb, especially one that will destroy this place. No more evidence of how we screwed this company up.'' 
 
 `` Dammit!'' Michael shouted. `` I clicked on another mine... Wait what! How would we get away with this?'' 
 
 `` Give me control Michael. Resign and make me CEO. Run far away and I'll make sure there's no trace left of us. Only that we destroyed this cherished building and left hundreds without a job.'' 
 
 `` I do n't know..'' Michael pondered. 
 
 `` Do it.'' 
 
 `` But..'' 
 
 `` Do it now Michael.'' 
 
 `` Uhhh...'' 
 
 `` Make me the scape goat and leave with Holly,'' Dwight pleaded. They both knew what was going to happen next. 
 
 `` Fine! Fine..'' Michael hesitated for a moment. `` We're going to flee the country. Meet me in Argentina. But first...'' 
 
 Michael took out his personal recorder. He had saved many good-bye songs from his olden days. As `` I Will Remember You'' dryly played in the office, Michael waved his final good-byes from the most beautiful office he had ever been a part of. 
 
 Dwight had an expressionless face, knowing the imminent was about to happen. 
 
 ____ 
 
 
 `` What's my perfect crime?'' Dwight said. `` I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I do n't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I do n't care. I do n't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.'' 
 
 *Fin*
