[ WP ] Write about a great train robbery - but in any genre other than Western .

Ironically, one of the safest ways to move the worlds most precious goods is through the least expected channels. Mr. Galloway, inspired by the transport of the Hope diamond, a 45 carat monster that was mailed in a regular envelope through the regular state post safely, smiled into his swirled single malt before finishing his drink. `` Amtrak!'' Mr. Galloway exclaimed a little too loudly while he shot out of his chair in his study. While he knew no one else was within 795 feet of his residence, and specifically the room he paced, he still swiveled his head on his shoulders to scan the room and make sure no one had heard his plan. 
 
 The Galloways had been in the cattle business for over 150 years. 4 generations of Galloways had meticulously cared for, raised, groomed, and slaughtered the finest bulls. Through a roller coaster century that pushed the industry from a simple life to corner cutting, mass production and back, the Galloways had always done what's right. Pamper your bulls. Of course they only ate grass. Of course they only took medications when sick. And most importantly, of course they came from the best stock. Because it has always been the right thing to do. And, because the Galloways have always a keen taste for the finer things in life. 
 
 95 % of seminal fluid is not sperm, but fluid produced from the body based on what one consumes and the environment they are in. It's not an urban legend that the consumption of pineapple will help men produce sweet, tasty, man juice - while a steady diet of cigarettes and coffee will be sure to disappoint his lover that has a mouthful. A magnificent bull is no different. A relaxed beast ripped with muscle left free to roam the hills of Colorado with lush grass and the lowest levels of air pollution in the lower 48 will also produce the most coveted Rocky Mountain oysters. 
 
 Henry James IV was comparable to none. The genetics of the James cattle family were outstanding. The family had produced magnificent, health bulls that fetched the highest price. But Henry James the IV was an absolute exception. His deep dark coat was as black as night without a hint of any other colors. His stark white horns wore slight scuffs from the other bulls he had put in line. One would be hard pressed to find an ounce of fat outside of his rippling muscle mass. And his balls. They were larger than life. 2 fat, tight nuts that swung proudly behind his legs as he ran the steep hills of Galloways modest 4000 acre ranch. 
 
 While not everyone clamors for Rocky Mountain oysters, those that do obsess over the finest balls they can get their hands on. Unfortunately for Mr. Galloway, 2 local 17 year old boys had snuck onto his property just 3 weeks ago to burn down a shoddily rolled joint. While they got the high they were after, they also came across the most shocking sight of their life as Henry James IV trotted by. Their infamous photo that started as a `` snapchat'' had now been shared around the world millions of times in just a few short weeks. While 99 % of the world got a good giggle, Mr. Galloway knew that those that had any inkling what those balls would taste like, were druling behind their screens and plotting a way to get their hands on them. 
 
 Offers came flooding in. Rediculous offers. 7 figure offers. All for 2 chunks of meat. But Mr. Galloway came from a long line of proud ranchers that did what was right, not what would profit the most. And to Mr. Galloway, there was no way someone else was going to eat those nuts. His phone would not stop ringing. Emails were flooding in. Anytime he left the house, at least one person was `` conviently'' walking by his front gate and quickly inquired about Henry. As interested parties finally understood there was no price that he would settle with, the threats began. Mr. Galloway knew He could wait no longer, and knew what he had to do. 
 
 While it might sound outlandish to think of the security caution Mr. Galloway needed to take to successfully transport Henry James IV's testicals to Manhatten to be prepared by none other than Gordan Ramsey, Rocky Mountain oyster connisuers will go to desperate measures for even the cream of the crop. Henry's nuts were not even on that playing field. These were something else. 
 
 Mr. Galloway had been out on the ranch with Henry for 4 days. Slowly steering him to the north edge of the property line, but more importantly making sure he was not being followed. Mr. Gallowan watched dawn break with heavy eyes. He had n't slept a wink. He emptied his bag and began his transformation. He heaved his slender legs through even more slender jeans, tucking his penis between his legs so there would not be a bulge. Pulled a modest blouse over his head and stuffed the athletic bra with socks. He pulled the sandy brown wig over his short hair. He parted it in the middle which he thought would help execute the `` plain Jane'' look he was going for. He pulled out his valerian steel 4'' pocket knife and whistled for Henry. 
 
 ( Mrs. ) Galloway nervously made his way down the aisle of Amtrack # 81. Surprisingly, he did not stick out with his new look. Unless one had a specific knack for spotting girls with a secret, one would not question whether Mr. Gordon was actually a girl. For the first time in his life, Mr. Galloway was happy he had small, Trumpish, hands. He found his seat, set his small lunch cooler on his lap, and settled in for the long ride. 
 
 For the 1st 300 miles the train pulled to a stop every 1/2 hour or so. A few people shuffled on and off, but Mr. Galloway could not believe how big of an ordeal this had to be for such small stops in the middle of the country. Announcements over the intercom followed by repeat announcements and a new ticket checker every stop. Mr. Galloways foot continued to tap nervously as he muttered to himself about efficiency and red tape. Mr. Galloway had studied the route for hours and finally began to relax once they departed Omaha. It was 1,000 miles until the next stop. Weary from the night before, he laid his head against the window staring at the corn flying by. 
 
 His stomach jumped as his neurons supporting his sense of depth continued to confirm they were slowing down. Rapidly. In the middle of nowhere. A loud squeal came from behind as the train jolted to a hault. Mr. Galloway locked eyes with several other passengers as everyone looked around in a panic, hoping someone's eyes would reveal they had the answer. Unfortunately for Mr. Galloway, he knew exactly why the train had stopped. He had nowhere to run or hide. And he knew the person that had just stopped the train would not so much as pause before taking Mr. Galloways life in exchange for the cooler. Mr. Galloway rifles through his options. In his mind he turned over the possibility that his knife could serve as protection, but confirmed to himself that it would be no match for whoever just orchestrated the Amtrak's stop. Defeated but convinced, he headed down the aisle and popped into the lavatory to collect his thoughts. 
 
 Mr. Galloway was right. They came. There was 7 of them. In tactile gear and big guns. They had masks and shouted at everyone not to move. It was a swift operation. They came right to Mr. Galloway. No words were exchanged. He held out the cooler and the leader of the pack carefully took it from the outstretched hand. He opened the cooler and there they were. 2 balls on ice. As quickly as the hooded men came in, they were out. Confusion and panic outpoured from the train cabin with muffled cries through hugs. 
 
 Mr. Galloway remained silent. He was not upset, but concerned. He looked down at his lap and the red blotch continued to grow. He knew he would live, but he needed help immediately and knew that surely ambulances and police were already on the way. A slight smile came across his face as he reached into his pocket and pulled out Henry James the IV's nuts. At least he still had his massive, tasty knockers.
