[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Dear JP, 
 
 
 I love you, dude. We've known each other almost 4 years, been gym buddies for 3 and a half of those years, and I feel for you about 2 years ago. The only reason I still go to the gym even is because I get to spend time with you there. I wish you'd be more interested in going to do other stuff but I understand how busy your schedule is right now, and I know it's so you can get to bigger and better things in the future, and I'm so happy for everything you've accomplished and how well you're doing. 
 
 I wish I could tell you that I love you, but I have no clue what that would do. I enjoy being around you too much to change anything, and while rationally thinking I think that you would n't do anything if I told you, the scared little part of my heart that holds the What If ca n't handle it, and it hurts. 
 
 16 times. 16 times I've cried because I've been so scared of maybe losing being able to hang out with you. Go to the gym. Grab a beer. Hell, just study together even. Writing this letter may make it 17. 
 
 And soon, this possibility may become a reality, dude. I graduate in a year. Who the hell knows where I'm going after that? If I ca n't find a way to stay here and I have to leave, I have no idea what I'll do. Will I tell you? Will I take it with me? I have no clue. I'm just so uncertain about all of this. 
 
 The one thing I'm certain of, is that even if we were to go our separate ways and it ends badly, I just want you to be happy. I want you to have the best life you possible can, even if I'm not in it. You've worked so hard and dealt with so much that you deserve the loving wife and kids, the black and white border collie named penguin you've talked about, the charming house with the white picket fence. I want you to get all of this, even if I'm no longer in the picture of your life. I do n't think I'd ever be able to hate you. 
 
 I know there's no chance of an Us. I just want there to be an us. If hanging out as the friend, gym buddy, occasional drinking partner, and wing man is all we can be, then I can be happy with that. I just want you to know and accept. 
 
 17 times.
