[ IP ] I 'm Done As Promised < 3 Mom [ possible NSFW ]

The first thing I really learned in college was that a lot of people were underachievers. The second thing I learned is that most of them are too drunk to care. 
 
 That was nearly four years ago, though. It took me a while, but I learned to actually reach my potential. Working hard for the first time in my life, I'd pulled up my GPA and started to actually succeed. This went a long way towards fixing my broken relationship with my mom; a moment with her before college had turned us against each other, and the chronic disappointment of my just barely scraping by in classes did n't help. Having finally turned that bit of my life around, my relationship with her was actually getting better for the first time in years. I'd be graduating with a degree in biochemistry in only a few weeks, and I was planning to start a pharmaceutical program in the fall. 
 
 This particular Friday night, I was sitting at home and idly reading a brand new paperback. I must have been reading for a while, because I remember sunlight and children playing on the sidewalk when I'd started, but the sun had gone down and the children had gone home, and I was still reading. It was the most recent book in a series that was now more than twenty years old, and frankly, I did n't think it was worth the years of waiting. In fact, the last book in the series that was genuinely *good* was about fifteen years old. I was lucky to only pick up the series recently, and I idly wondered how long some of the oldest readers had been deluding themselves about the next book ( coming soon, of course ) being worth the wait. How were they feeling, knowing that they'd been waiting so long for things to get better, only to have their hopes crushed again? 
 
 I was stirred from those thoughts by the ring of my phone. *'' What is love,'' * it sang out. Funny, I thought, I was n't really expecting any calls. *'' Baby, do n't hurt me... do n't hurt me... no more...'' * Hmm. 519 area code. I used to know some people there, could be worth answering. `` Hello?'' 
 
 There was a moment of silence, and then: `` Attention. This is an important message - `` and I hung up, since I could n't remember actually getting important messages that start like that. I wondered if I'd ever gotten one like that and sifted through my memories. Nope. Hmm. When was the last time I actually heard from anyone in the 519 area? Ok, it must have been that one time... no, but, come on, there was... nope, hang on... 
 
 *Seven years ago? * What? Those were my best friends! What in the hell had n't I spoken to them for? I mean, yeah, people grow apart, but it's not like I'd just forgotten about them and replaced them. I mean, I moved, and met new people, but none of my friends after that had been worth forgetting my old friends over. I mean, we were so close, and after them everybody was so distant. 
 
 I frowned. *Everybody* after them was so distant? Surely I'd had some close friends - that was still high school. I mean, there was... no, wait, I never really trusted her... but there was also... nah, he was pretty bad at being friends... but there was definitely - no, there was too much awkward sexual tension neither of us really wanted... but I could always rely on - wait, no, she bailed when I needed friends most... 
 
 *When I needed friends most... * I shuddered. That had been a long weekend, and not in the hooray, no school on Monday sense. I'd been worn down by one long list of tragedies - I'd been rejected by someone I cared about, two of the closest things to friends I had were fighting and demanding I pick a side, and the only friend who'd understood me had committed suicide. Worst of all was the feeling that I should have been able to do something about all of it, but did n't. I needed a friend to tell me that it was ok, that none of this was my failure - but they all thought they were too busy to say that much. My widowed mother was n't sympathetic; she just wanted to know why I could n't live through all that *and* perform perfectly in school. So I told her I was done, and she did n't believe me until she'd called the ambulance to drag my overdosed body to a hospital. 
 
 I shake my head violently, hoping to throw off the memory. That was a long time ago, and I do n't think about it much. Things got bearable, as they often do, and I'd never really felt tempted to try again: there were a lot of reconciliations, and I promised myself and my mom that I'd finish college, be somebody. But something was sticking with me - I'd been waiting, for years, for things to get better - and not just tolerable, but happy, fun - and they just had n't. I still did n't have friends, or anyone I could trust. I was alone, on a Friday night, disappointed again. 
 
 Had I... had I missed something? I mean, sure, I was n't alone in being alone, but... most people just were n't. Was there a turn I was supposed to make years ago, but I'd missed it, and it was too late to go back now? Some turn that would have gotten me friends, people I could trust, people who would give me someone to be with on a Friday night? Seven years since I'd had that - how did I not realize how much I'd missed it? And if it was too late to go back now, then... why bother? 
 
 I realized I was looking out the window. The children had left some chalk on the sidewalk. Fine, I thought, if I've somehow overlooked someone caring what happens to me, best not to keep them guessing. Locking my house behind me, I stepped onto the sidewalk, knelt down by the box of chalk, and debated what color to use. Not blue, I liked that one but it would give off the wrong implications. Pink - that was the color. It just felt right. I went to start writing, but I paused. What did I actually want to say? 
 
 *I'M DONE* - true, I thought. Not too much left for me, no point in sticking around. 
 
 *AS PROMISED* - fuck you, you knew it would come to this - I fucking said so, did n't I? 
 
 *HEART MOM* - yeah, fuck you especially. 
 
 `` Hello?'' *Oh shit-* I jumped like a kid caught stealing cookies. Alright, that's annoying, but just ignore him, and he'll go away - damnit, is he walking closer? 
 
 `` I'm done, as promised. Heart mom,'' he read over my shoulder. 
 
 `` Yeah, because we're graduating in a few weeks, and I just thought she'd be proud of me.'' My face was burning, and I think my voice cracked. He must have heard it. 
 
 `` Right. Listen, do you - do you want to talk?'' No, go away, I do n't want to talk. 
 
 `` Umm, look, I think I'm done here, and I was just going to head inside - `` 
 
 `` Excellent. We can talk in there.'' No, stop, you're going to ruin it. But all I said was, `` Uh, sure.'' 
 
 He followed me in before I could slam the door on him - annoying, but I was sure I could still get him to leave. He followed me to the kitchen, while I looked in the fridge. `` Beer?'' I called. `` No thanks.'' Good, I do n't want you drinking my beer anyway. `` Probably better if we have this talk sober.'' Oh, go to hell. But I turn around, and he's already sitting in one of *my* chairs and gesturing to which of *my* chairs he thinks *I* should sit in. This condescending asshole. 
 
 `` So,'' he says. `` I'm realizing I do n't actually know your name. So why do n't you tell me who you are, and why you're out here at, oh, one in the morning writing chalk messages.'' 
 
 `` Well, mainly I was planning on killing myself,'' I tell him. Hopefully I've loaded enough sarcasm that he'll get I do n't want him here. 
 
 He just nods, and folds his hands. `` Alright. Why do n't you tell me about it.'' I know there's no way he still thinks I want him here, and what's worse, he might've realized I did actually plan on killing myself. 
 
 `` Alright, look, I do n't want or need you here, I just want my space so I can do what I have to do.'' 
 
 `` Why.'' 
 
 `` Because my life is a wreck! I do n't have anything! Nothing! Yes, I'm about to graduate and enter an `` exciting new world'' but it's all *FUCKING* pointless, because right now, the one thing I absolutely do n't have is-'' 
 
 `` Somebody who cares.'' 
 
 `` YES! And I have n't for the longest goddamn time! You think you understand? Fuck you! Do you have friends? Have you had them for a while? Do you have a parent who cares about you, *and I mean actually cares*, not just the kind who wants to brag to her book club about her little doctor?'' 
 
 He nodded. `` True, my life's been nothing like that. I ca n't understand you or where you're coming from; not without your help. Tell me more.'' 
 
 `` Fine! Let me tell you - `` And I did. I poured out everything, all my soul. Everything that had gone wrong. The way I wished everything was. As I talked, I could hear it begin to rain, and soon I was in tears too. He gave me an awkward but comforting hug. By the end of the night, I felt utterly relieved, and when he went home, I went straight to bed. 
 
 The next morning, when I stepped outside, I saw that my chalk message had been washed away. I frowned, and picked up the pink chalk again. I'm done, as promised. Heart mom. 
 
 `` Hey there,'' a familiar voice called out. `` I'm done, as promised. Heart mom,'' he read over my shoulder. 
 
 `` Well it's true,'' I say. `` I promised to finish college.'' And my new friend laughs with me.
