[ WP ] When you die , you do n't go to the afterlife of you 're religion , you go to the afterlife of the religion whose tenets you followed most closely , knowingly or not .

`` Jeff, my child, you've certainly earned your place among the stars.'' God said 
 
 `` I was n't even a good Christian though.'' Jeff responded. 
 
 `` Christ? Yeah he was ok. Kind of melodramatic, but he was entertaining nevertheless. Yeah he's here, he told me to say hi.'' God recollected. 
 
 `` Are you telling me our place is determined by our entertainment value to you?'' Jeff asked bewildered. 
 
 `` Ah'huh.'' God responded laughingly. `` You certainly gave me plenty of laughs. Remember the time you brushed your teeth with the hemorrhoid cream? How does someone not taste as distinct lack of mint?'' 
 
 `` It was early in the morning and I was running late. I just figured why start over?'' Jeff explained innocently as laughter echoed in the distance. 
 
 `` _That_ is the Jeff we have all come to know and love.'' God reassured. 
 
 `` Wait a minute,'_We_'!? Who else has been watching me?'' Jeff asked in astonishment. 
 
 `` Why, everyone who has ever passed onto this realm, of course. Everyone you've ever known or loved.'' God continued. `` You've been the star of the show up here for quite some time now.'' 
 
 `` Did my grandmother see me forget her first name at her funeral!?'' Jeff inquired anxiously. 
 
 `` Bernice!? How does someone forget a name like Bernice!?'' God laughingly jabbed, `` Yeah she saw it. She thought it was cute you only ever knew her as Grandma. That was a pretty good episode.'' 
 
 Jeff thought a moment before coming to a realization, `` So my life has been broadcasted up here in the form of what, like some kind of TV sitcom!?'' 
 
 `` The Jeff show has been quite a hit!'' A large hand emerged from the white fluffy clouds and with a single wave an old style television set appeared and on it played a 90's sitcom style intro filled with clips of Jeff's past. A tune centered around the show's name `` That's Jeff'' played over one embarrassing moment after another. Jeff watched the clips play while standing still, mortified at the prospect of being a celebrity for his lifetime of embarrassing mishaps. 
 
 `` This... This ca n't be happening.'' Jeff muttered to himself. 
 
 Clip after clip of moments played on the set, many of which Jeff had not cared to remember for many years. The time he locked himself out of his car as he was changing into his swimsuit, leaving him naked from the waste down at the lake and forced to ask campers for assistance. The jerk-sock he buried in the backyard out of shame only for his dog Chester to dig back up and bring to the dinner table, triggering an investigation by the missing-persons department complete with DNA test. They had even highlighted his accidental flatulence during a recent dentist visit. The show was comprised of all of Jeff's most embarrassing moments, but nevertheless, the production value was still very good quality. 
 
 `` You've been giving us laughs for years, and in this horrible miserable rotten universe I created, laughter is the most valuable commodity ever.'' God explained. 
 
 Jeff started to look on the bright side, `` I guess it's not so bad. I'm a celebrity in heaven!'' 
 
 Laughter echoed in the distance and God's laugh boomed all around. `` Heaven!? This is n't heaven.''
