[ WP ] You 're a serial killer trying to make it as a stand up comedian but have trouble making your humorous observations reparable to your audience .

`` Alright, Now Let's here for a first timer here tonight --'' 
 
 `` Boooo!'' 
 
 `` Hey, hey, hey first timers derserve a chance, okay? Alright. Let's give hand to Mr. Jeffery James! Come on Jeffery James!'' 
 
 Crowd boos, some clap, The host exits off stage and slowly a boney tall man comes up to the mic, staring into the bright lights and speaks with a unreal confidence. 
 
 `` Hey folks, Name's Jeffery! Great to be here, man people get on my NERVES. I'll tell ya. Today, this guy, swear to god, was chewing gum so loud, with his mouth open like cattle, does that ever happen to you? Where you wish you had a hammer so you can just smash every fucking tooth out of his head, onto the ground, then curb stomp his skull until it because oatmeal under your shoes, then chase his crying kids and then smash them with the hammer and have sex in the gashes you leave from the blunt force trama? Anyone? Nobody?'' 
 
 The crowd says nothing, some hang with their jaws open. Jeffery takes this as a bad sign, tries a older joke. 
 
 `` Well, speaking of kids. You ever notice how the scream? Always screaming, Does n't matter where they are playground, backyard, you know where they scream the loudest, the microwave. Do n't you hate it, it takes ten minutes to shove the kid in there, you get the door shut, start jerking trying to concentate staring into the microwave but it's damn near impossible because your listening to this siren scream, `` Help! Help! Mommy! Daddy!'' - Man o man, do n't you hate when this happens? I mean it's a hate or love it...'' 
 
 The crowd jaws keep dropping. Jeffery takes this as his first two jokes bombed. Well, third one should totally get them. 
 
 `` Okay, well this one time, Funny story, I cut off my own penis and fed it to my mother, do n't worry, she was chained to the bed, I mean she was n't going far I cut off her arms and legs, BUT she was chained. I stood right over her with a kniffe, and then slowly, started to cut my penis off, and man the LOOK ON HER FACE when it came off! Oh my god..you guys had to be there...'' 

