[ WP ] `` The rifle 's set up in the window . You 've got three five-round cartridges in your hand . But one shot is all you need . There 's no going back now . ''

`` What the fucking hell, Archibald?!'' 
 
 `` What sir Richard?'' 
 
 The Knight Richard of Kersplankadankastan County under the control of his Good Majesty King Henry the XXX stood dumbfounded at his weapon. What he had expected to be a strong wooden bow, was actually a weird device. The likes of which, he had never seen before. 
 
 `` The bloody hell is this? I ca n't snipe with this... This is n't even a bow! How art thy supposed to snipe without a bow?!'' 
 
 `` It was something the engineers came up with last night while they were hammered. Called it a sniper-rifle or something like that. Said it'd be good for taking off French heads. Also, do n't use art like that in a sentence. It's 1257. Get with the times.'' 
 
 Richard blinked, `` Archie?'' 
 
 `` Yes, Sir Richard?'' replied the lacky Archibald. 
 
 `` What the fuck's an engineer?'' 
 
 `` You know those fellows who decided to up and create a giant shaft and balls near the queen's towers a few weeks ago?'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' 
 
 `` Well, those guys made the tower.'' 
 
 `` Who made the shaft and balls then?'' 
 
 Archibald shrugged, `` I think it might've been the nuns.'' 
 
 `` Typical nuns... Welp, how do I use this err, rifle thing?'' 
 
 Archibald took the rifle out from the man's hands and aimed the barrel at his own face, feeling around the ample butt of the gun for the trigger-holder-thing, `` Well, George the Engineer told me you'd have to feel around for this little black thing that feels like a tiny prick.'' 
 
 Richard all too familiar with tiny pricks, guided his minion's hand to the apparent trigger piece, `` This one?'' 
 
 `` Oh, yeah. Just pull the damned thing when you're ready to fire. Load it from the tip right here with the bullets in the box... Goddamned this end here looks dirty. Could use a good licking.'' 
 
 `` Archibald. What the hell is a box? Also, Archibald...'' 
 
 Archie's slobber and spittle dripped from his lips as he tried to suck the tip clean, `` Yes, sir?'' 
 
 `` You look like my cousin Anne on our wedding night trying to clean like that. Here, give it to me. This is how you lick the thing clean...'' 
 
 And so did Archibald and Richard, the two greatest military minds of their time, wasted a whole hour and a half exchanging saliva on a rusty, cut piece of iron that would've surely given them tetanus. The ample juices of their tongues and glands mixed with a good deal of swealching and squoncing over that long, tender night. 
 
 Finally, it was done! The thick, sturdy tube had been licked as clean as a whistle! 
 
 `` Well, that was kind of faggy, sir,'' Archibald looked up after realizing he had literally spent a whole hour exchanging saliva with his boss. 
 
 `` The fuck did you just say, Archibald? It's 1257. You ca n't fucking use faggy like that. Sorta gay might be okay. Unclean, definitely. Disgusting, absolutely-'' 
 
 `` Apologies sir.'' 
 
 `` Apology accepted. Now, hold still. I'm gon na test how hard it is to pull a trigger on this rifle-thing.'' 
 
 `` You do that sir-'' 
 
 **BANG! **
