[ WP ] A cult leader finds himself at the end of his 7 year deal with the devil , and insists his cultists seek out their own deals to keep the devil busy so he can buy himself more time to figure out a way to get out of the deal .

“ What do you mean you don ’ t know what you want? ” 
 
 “ Well, what ’ ve you got to offer? ” 
 
 “ I-Well there ’ s… ” Lucifer sighed “ *This isn ’ t how it works! * ” 
 
 The man looked on, he could see his brow furrow, his eyes turned skyward as he tried to fathom up a reason for bringing the *literal devil* to his basement. Lucifer could feel his gnarled hands clenching into fists, the temperature of the room cranking up a few notches as steam began emanating from his pores. He wasn ’ t even supposed to be here, not anymore. 
 
 Once the human population had started growing rapidly he realised this whole “ Babysitting the damned idiots ” job was a bit more than a one mildly rebellious fallen angel job. So he ’ d made a call back upstairs, telling the big G to poof down some more helpers. 
 Despite ‘ upper management ’ only sending down what he was pretty sure were the most inept of their already woefully unmotivated workforce, he had managed to rally the ever increasing group together into some semblance of a team, a team whose job was to see to the eternal suffering of every person who ended up down here. 
 
 But then these deals started coming, at first he simply chose to ignore them, but as he had given most of the hands-on evil to the rest of his team, he admittedly started taking these deals to fill the void moving into management had left him in, it was almost cathartic, these people were n't already consigned to suffering, he could see the process in action. 
 
 Despite there never being a positive outcome more and more people had started requesting him, to the point where he was pretty much constantly flitting from one deal to the other, he started losing track of who had promised what, and it was beginning to get a bit repetitive, a grind. He had his team take over that as well, although he did still tend to a few personal cases of long term clients. The people at the top had been impressed, and his customer service centre has been ranked as the 2nd most evil currently existing, He had given up on catching Comcast. 
 
 So, while first confused by Zazuul, his PA, bursting into his office, hands full of blood covered contracts, and explaining they were at capacity, and that they would need everyone taking deals, he was quietly excited. This was a chance to get back into the action, just for a bit. 
 
 But it was n't right, the deals just did n't seem the same as before. Normally by the time people had got to ‘ contract with the devil ’ levels of desperation they had a pretty clear idea of what they wanted, but no, he was being given the most mundane requests. “ My car ’ s backfiring ”, “ Could you get me some shopping? ” and “ I think my cat ’ s sick, it was probably the brand of cat food we bought because my wife said we normally get the green cans and I was like ‘ these are the green cans ’ but they are n't and I think I might be colour-blind ”. How in the name of himself was he supposed to come up with an evil and maniacal solution to a misfed feline? 
 
 And now this guy. **This fucking guy**, had n't even thought of *anything*. He was still just stood there. The fact he was even respiring enough to make Lucifer begin to flame with rage, the heat from him seemed to bring the half-vegetable half-man back from his photosynthetic state, and cause a warm blast of air to fill the room, billowing the mans robes and sending papers from his basement desk flying off of it. 
 One of these scraps came to rest in front of Lucifer ’ s hooves, and something scrawled upon it caught his eye, the page burned up in his hand before he had even stood up, but it did n't matter, he ’ d seen what was on it. 
 
 “ How did you get that?! ” Lucifer grabbed the man by the front of his robes; the smell of burning fabric filled the room. Despite this the man still seemed fairly unphased, tranquil in his stupidity. 
 
 “ Huh-I don ’ t-*aaah! * ” The smoldering robe caught fire, Lucifer tightened his grip on it. 
 
 “ This is my personal summons! ” Real rage was emanating from him now, despite the confined space his voice filled the room like an organ in a church hall. “ I personally give this to a very few trusted people, of which I ’ m certain you aren ’ t one of, *where is this from? * ” Fire was coming from his mouth now too, close enough to lick the now pale cheeks of the man. 
 
 “ I, I really just don ’ t know! I ’ m sorry! Someone gave me it! ” Lucifer could see it in his eyes, he really didn ’ t, great, maybe the next imbecile with a ridiculous deal could shed some light on this. In his rage, and without really thinking, he threw the man across the room. 
 
 As his victims limp body slid down the opposite wall, Lucifer looked down to his hand, the rest of the man ’ s robe had been scorched away, but within the ash burned a metal symbol, white hot, an instinct and a revelation made him look up to a now enflamed calendar upon the man ’ s wall. Despite the fire, a now gleaming pen-mark could still be seen, circling a day that Lucifer should never have forgotten. With a pounding of one fist into the other, he blinked out of the basement, knowing exactly where he had to go. 
 
 As he blinked into existence, he saw exactly what he had expected to see. A man, stood solitary in black robes, in the middle of a forest clearing, watch in one hand, blood covered contract in the other. As the man turned to see Lucifer standing behind him, he dropped to his knees, pounding the ground with his fist. 
 
 “ No! ” he screamed “ So close! ” the shout was so extreme it seemed to cast further lines into his already jagged face, being illuminated by Lucifer ’ s own glowing firelight. 
 
 “ You were close, Brian, I ’ ll give you that. ” He extended his hand and snatched the contract away from the kneeled man. “ But your ability of persuading others runs out today. ” He could feel himself physically untense as he saw Brian ’ s watch read fifteen minutes to midnight, plenty of time. 
 
 “ Who was it? Who told you? ” 
 
 “ Oh, no one told me ”, Lucifer replied, his trademark sneer returning to his face “ One of your more idiotic followers left his robes on, and my summons scrawled on a piece of paper. I saw the emblem on it, *your emblem*, and brought it back here, where I knew you ’ d be waiting to burn our agreement. ” 
 
 Brian dropped his head, holding it in his wrinkled hands. Lucifer continued, “ I know that ’ s a lot to take in, but tell me, how did you do it? The people calling me personally obviously you gave my summons, but what about the rest of my staff? What happened to them? ” 
 All of a sudden, Brian lowered his hands and cracked a sly smile “ Isn ’ t it obvious? ” He looked up at Lucifer, straightening his back. “ I published the ritual on the internet. ” 
 
 “ The what now? ” He hoped this wasn ’ t one of those modern inventions that humanity had a habit of concocting every so often, he had just gotten his head round people getting sent his way for sitting watching a small electric box for most of their lives, if it was up to him sloth would be taken off the list of seven sins, along with pride, that one never made sense. 
 
 Realising he ’ d drifted off into his own thoughts, he looked up just in time to see Brian make a grab for the contract, he moved it away, still looking at him for an explanation. Brian slouched back down, seemingly accepting defeat for the final time. 
 
 “ You should probably look it up, it ’ s going to be sending a lot more people your way. ” Brian said with a derisive snort of laughter. 
 
 “ Well whatever it is, that plan is still pretty despicable, and it explains all the half-baked ideas from everyone I visited. ” 
 
 “ I still can ’ t believe one of my men left his *robes on*. ” He was staring forwards, perplexed. You know, I try and man manage but with some people it just seems completely impossible ” 
 
 Lucifer let a small smile appear across his face “ So right, you know when you just feel like ‘ I have too many staff ’ ” 
 
 Brian got to his feet “ Completely, how am I supposed to keep everyone in check when I ’ ve got tens of people joining a day, not realistic, and I can ’ t find anyone with enough aptitude to hire on as an assistant. ” 
 
 Lucifer was about to agree, when his brow furrowed “ Yea… ” an idea occurred to him, “ Hey…I know I ’ m supposed to drag you to hell now and everything, but I think I could use more men, well, *A man* like you downstairs…what do you say? 
 
 A truly despicable smirk rose across Brian ’ s face, not to dissimilar to the devil ’ s own, and he grabbed Lucifer ’ s hand with an almost inhuman enthusiasm, saying… 
 
 “ You, my good friend, have a deal. ” 
 
 Edit: Grammar 

