[ CC ] Critique the motivational letter I 've written

Yo Salyangoz! 
 
 Firstly I just want to say that I hope you hear back from them and that you are successful in your application! So good luck there!: ) 
 
 I can not claim to be an expert at writing letters of this kind, although I have written a number of covering letters and am familiar with the formula. So having read that little disclaimer, I hope you take everything I say with a pinch of salt! 
 
 The overall structure and tone is pretty solid, I'd say. You have a good balance between explaining what you've done and linking it back to why it makes you an ideal candidate, which is precisely what you want to be doing. These types of letters can lead you into the trap of just telling your life story with no real reason as to why it's relevant, but I think you've dodged that pretty well. 
 
 When reading it I definitely sensed that you really do care about this position; you seem very genuine. So it definitely excels there. 
 
 In my opinion it seemed a little too wordy in places. This is n't necessarily a bad thing, in fact it's appropriate in this situation. But it can certainly work negatively as the reader gets bombarded with all this information; they may find themselves consciously stopping to take the time to absorb it all. But this was not prominent so I would n't worry too much. 
 
 One thing I noticed in particular was repetition of words. E.g.: `` Integrating my hobbies and extracurricular activities to my work gives me great pleasure. I take great pleasure in sharing my work and seeing other peoples work.'' In these two sentences you've used the word'pleasure' twice and'work' three times! This is very jarring and they lose their impact. Repetition like this occurs in other areas of the letter too, so I'd definitely look out for that in future. 
 
 Honestly though, other than that I think it's a really solid letter and I can see it reaping you good results. I hope it goes well!: )
