[ WP ] A game among aliens is to conquer other planets using the laws of that planet . Earth is their next target , but what they do n't realize is that our bureaucracy is a mess .

**CHAPTER ONE** 
 
 `` Hello, you are currently waking up from stasis. You are free to move around whenever you feel ready, but we advise you to wait a few minutes as the learning process can be disorientating.'' 
 
 This voice came from a direction that I could n't quite discern, almost as if it came from all directions, or as if it was inside my head. I tried to open my eyes, but could n't, it was like I did n't know how. I tried to move, but could n't, which gave me this horrible sensation of claustrophobia. 
 
 `` Please do not panic, you will begin to function normally within a few moments. Focus on your breathing and count to twenty.'' 
 
 _What in the world does that even mean? _ I had thought to myself. I had no idea what breathing was, but my body seemed to know. It was doing this odd thing of expanding and contracting every second or so, but now that I noticed, it stopped. Odd. 
 
 `` Please allow your body to breathe. It will do so naturally if you do not prevent it.'' 
 
 I must have let go of whatever was making me hold my breathe because I was breathing again, but it was strange, untrained breathing. That was odd. But then I noticed something, a sound, at least I thought it was a sound, at least, my body did. And then I was surrounded by sound, from the faintest hum to my breathing, and my pulse, and now this crinkling sound coming from under me. 
 
 `` Please remain calm. Your senses are coming online, and you have many to go. You will soon gain sight, smell, touch, temperature, as well as more internal data senses like balance, orientation, and velocity.'' 
 
 This process was very dull and quite confusing. Every new sense brought with it a new set of considerations. Hunger was particularly difficult to deal with as I was not used to something so gnawing. But once the voice told me the process was over, I was sitting up on a bed on the opposite side of a gigantic vista. 
 
 `` What is this?'' 
 
 `` This is a first class view of the planet called Earth, by the natives of course.'' 
 
 `` Why am I looking at it?'' 
 
 `` Prime directives will be online soon, as will your memories. But until then, you are a customer of Subdue, a programme set up by our government to allow those wanting to experience true conquest.'' 
 
 `` I am to annihilate the natives of this planet?'' 
 
 `` If that is what you wish. You have mandate to decide the fate of the natives. You may disable them, or kill them, but the goal is to claim the planet for yourself.'' 
 
 `` And how will I do that.'' 
 
 `` An analogue of you will be born in a place of your choosing. It will grow up like all of the other natives. You will have instant communications to us through subspace, but you can decide how much you do or do not use it. You can call for aid whenever necessary, although please be aware that these are in-game purchases.'' 
 
 `` What would I need an aid for?'' 
 
 `` In most nations, they imprison those they find undesirable. And so if your analogue finds itself inside one of those prisons, you can request an aid to have you freed. There is also an addon that will erase what is known as a criminal record. This is the cheapest aid package as it is the most commonly requested among life with similar behavioural qualities. The most expensive currently available is an armada comprised of thirty five of our most advanced ships, very fun. But there is currently a waiting list.'' 
 
 `` Is there anyone else playing for this planet?'' 
 
 `` No, you paid for exclusivity.'' 
 
 `` Excellent. When do I get started?'' 
 
 `` As soon as you have read the prime directive and accepted its terms.'' 
 
 `` And how do I read the prime directive?'' 
 
 `` You can access it at any time, simply wish for it and it will appear in your mind. You can read it as if are reading from a page.'' 
 
 And with that, a book appeared on my lap. I did what anyone would do... I flipped to the back of the book and accepted. 
 
 `` What do I do now?'' 
 
 `` You can start the game at any point, but know that you can not leave until your analogue dies. If for any reason you decide to leave, contact us and we will initiate a graceful shutdown of the connection between you and your analogue.'' 
 
 `` What will it be like, being one of the natives?'' 
 
 `` What you are experiencing right now is in preparation for your time on the planet. You are experiencing through the mind of a virtual human. Have your memories returned to you yet?'' 
 
 `` Nothing has changed, so I guess not.'' 
 
 `` Then I must advise against any decision to active the game until you regain your memories.'' 
 
 `` Okay, can I rest for a while?'' 
 
 `` Of course, take all the time that you need.'' 
 
 -- -- 
 
 **CHAPTER TWO** 
 
 Waking up was strange. Everything was foggy, yet mildly euphoric. I laid there and stretched, it felt good. But after a few seconds the feeling began to fade, and small reminders of what day it was and what I had to do came to me. _I'm going to have to ask the computer for a skip._ I thought to myself. _There is no way I am going through birth, childhood, and adolescence. Fuck that._ 
 
 `` Computer, how much is a growth skip?'' 
 
 `` Currently, the price is sitting at $ 148,351. Would you like me to freeze the price for an hour for you to decide?'' 
 
 `` No, thank you. Please go ahead with the purchase.'' 
 
 `` Thank you.'' 
 
 `` What happens now?'' 
 
 `` Everything is ready and waiting for activation. On your command, you will be put back into stasis and we will implant the embryo into your native mother. Please note that your mother and father are property of Subdue, and so any damage to them will require compensation. We will then travel at relativistic speeds until sufficient time has passed for your analogue to reach the age of twenty two. Please also note that your analogue will be using an AI based off of your personality until you are connected. And so you will have memories of actions and relationships you have personally never made, and so on. You may feel more disorientation than what you did when you woke up in this room yesterday. I would advise you to take the day off of any job or higher education to get your affairs in order.'' 
 
 `` Understood, I would like to start the game.'' 
 
 `` Certainly.'' 
 
 -- -- 
 
 **CHAPTER THREE** 
 
 Waking up on Earth was a weird sensation. Finding myself in this new setting was unnerving, and yet the room felt so familiar and safe. The first day was horrible, how _my_ memories and the memories of my body meshed together and collided. What the computer told me was good advice, I took the day off of university as I could n't get up without feeling overwhelmed. The next day was better, but still not good, and so I took another day to gather my thoughts. The third day was good, I felt normal, or at least as normal as _I_ had felt in that body. I did n't feel unwell so... I decided to go in and take a look around. 
 
 The campus was large and quaint, lots of white and stone. There was almost a small shopping mall inside. An ATM, a convenience store, a Starbucks, and a McDonalds, of course. Going into the store, I pick up some water and a packet of winegums, and while I am walking up to the till, I remember something. 
 
 `` Computer, how much money do I have?'' I ask internally. 
 
 `` Currently, you are in overdraft. Sitting at -£54, but you have £446 available before you reach the limit.'' 
 
 `` Okay, I would like to purchase the infinite money package. How much is that?'' 
 
 `` Of course. The price is currently sitting at $ 498,991. Would you like me to freeze the price for an hour for you to decide?'' 
 
 I winced, that has gone up. 
 
 `` How much has it risen over the past week?'' 
 
 `` The price has risen twice since you have started the game. Humans are meticulous with their banking, and so we are unable to update your balance to Infinity, or an excessively high number without arousing suspicion. And so when you would like to access funds, some context would be needed in order to make adequate arrangements.'' 
 
 `` What do you mean? What kind of context?'' 
 
 `` You are currently attending university and therefore are accumulated a large amount of debt, a major reason why you are lacking funds. And so any request for funds may come about through granting you a scholarship, or investments for example. We will access risk on all options available, but if all else fails and you still need funds, we will deliver a large amount of currency as cash to your place of residence. But please keep in mind that humans think of large amounts of cash as suspicious. And please note that all other methods of providing funds is insured. Any inconvenience from them will grant you a free aid to counteract said inconvenience.'' 
 
 `` Can you tell me why it is so expensive? It's not like you're actively converting our money into theirs.'' 
 
 `` In a way, we are as we require more computing time to calculate the most risk free way to provide you with the funds you request. It also requires many sleeper agents within the nations you reside in to establish methods of generating and providing you funds. Time and resources.'' 
 
 `` Fine..'' I sighed in exasperation. _I'm already a third way through my budget! _ 
 
 `` The weekly allowance you receive from your parents has been tripled to £300. You wage from your part time job has been doubled to £15 per hour. You have been given a scholarship that will cover the remaining £39,000 in debt that you owe. You have also become a shareholder, granting you an average of £200 per week, but may vary. If any other funds are required, please do not hesitate to ask, but if it is for a product or service, we may be able to get you what you want without needing to pass currency through you.'' 
 
 `` Fantastic.'' I said to myself. I really wished computer would stop being so verbose, but I guess it helped. I really should read the prime directive. 
 
 _Uh oh, people are looking at me weirdly._ I thought. My guess was that I said that out loud. I laugh nervously.
