[ WP ] A newly-hired bartender is slowly realizing that he 's working at the bar from all of those `` X walks into a bar '' jokes .

It wasn ’ t long into another shift and the regulars were at it again. Michael O ’ Grady was sitting in his usual spot and already hitting it as hard as he usually did, but for some reason he only had two pints of Guinness in front of him instead of his usual three. Some tradition he had to do with his brothers. I ’ d have to remember to ask him about it later. There ’ d be plenty of time though, he was here so frequently that I don ’ t ever remember seeing him leave the place. 
 
 I finished up making a daiquiri for Doctor Hamilton; his regular drink on his way home from the hospital up the street. I handed it over while keeping a casual eye on Father Davidson behind him, who was having a heated argument with Rabbi Holstein. They were clearly trying to keep it hushed, despite how animated they were getting. 
 
 “ This isn ’ t an almond daiquiri, ” Hamilton complained. Of course, he would. 
 
 “ Sorry Doc, ” I told him, “ We ran out of almond essence yesterday and haven ’ t received our order yet this week. I had to make it with hickory. ” Hamilton rolled his eyes like this was a frequent occurrence and retreated to a table shaking his head and mumbling under his breath. 
 
 I ’ d already done a quick whip around to collect glasses and when I ’ d passed by Holstein had been asking, “ Fuck them out of what? ” What ever it was I ’ m not sure I wanted to know, and I ’ m pretty sure I didn ’ t need it in the bar. If they started getting more disruptive I would have to consider tossing them, but they were just two more problems on a long shit-list. 
 
 I ’ d been keeping an eye on the drunk at the pool table. He ’ d been heckling the person he ’ d been playing against pretty much since I walked through the door. Comments like, “ I fucked your mum, ” and the like. The kind of shit that you wouldn ’ t expect to hear from a guy that looked old enough to be the other guy ’ s father. Ironically they did have a pretty strong resemblance. The only reason I hadn ’ t done anything about it yet was because the young bloke seemed to be putting up with it with begrudgingly. 
 
 More worryingly was the tatted-up biker who ’ d been giving the mopey-looking businessman a hard time, using his size to bully and intimidate the poor bloke. I sure as shit didn ’ t want to have to pull up such a rough looking bloke if I didn ’ t have to, but I was just about to draw the line when this biker necked the businessman ’ s beer, causing him to burst into tears. I didn ’ t need this oaf ruining my customers ’ night but I pulled up short when I heard the biker apologising profusely and offering to replace his beer. Not sure what the suit said to him in reply, but the biker ’ s face turned white and he seemed a bit panicky. 
 
 I was about to go sort them out when I was distracted by a monkey running the length of the bar. It was snatching up everything in sight, shoving them into its butt and then pulling them out to eat them. 
 
 “ What the fuck… ” I took a swipe at it with my bar towel, eliciting a bare-toothed screech from it as it danced out of reach. 
 
 “ The hell is going on? ” I asked no one in particular, casting my eye over the scene that had sprung up without warning. “ Is the fucking circus in town or something? ” 
 
 One guy sat at the end of the bar with an ostrich and a miserly looking cat, patiently waiting to be served. Behind him, a horse had queued up with a $ 20 note in its mouth. Off by the dance floor a drunk guy was struggling to keep his balance as he staggered about, a giraffe seemingly passed out drunk at his feet. 
 
 I flinched as I was shocked out of my disbelief. A grizzly bear had fronted up to the bar and torn a great chunk out of it with its jaws, eating the bar bit in one swallow. 
 
 “ … what is this? ” I asked. “ Some kind of fucking joke? ”
