[ WP ] Kevin from Home Alone assumes that his kids will be as good at keeping away burglars as he was . They 're not .

`` Kids, I'm so disappointed.'' 
 
 `` Daddy, they had guns and were dressed all in black! They were scaaaary!'' 
 
 `` When I was your age, Jessica, I could have done those burglars in so good they would have sought out an honest living at Starbucks.'' 
 
 `` How?'' Kyle and Jessica asked in unison. 
 
 `` Well, for one I could have used those toy fishing poles I bought you to rig a trap. You guys have enough Legos to barricade the hallway, or at least make it extremely painful to walk. The Battleship board could easily be used as a catapult. I even left the matches on a low shelf! You could have climbed up there!'' 
 
 `` But we are n't allowed to play with fire!'' Kyle exclaimed. 
 
 `` This is n't playing! This is damn serious! How hard is it to turn a Nerf Gun into a flamethrower? I was in your situation as a kid, and I did n't have half the toys you brats have today!'' 
 
 `` But you never taught us how to do it!'' 
 
 `` My parents never taught me how to do it! Besides, you do n't need education to be creative! Is this what public schools are like today?! If you were n't taught it, you ca n't figure it out?'' 
 
 `` No, Dad! We just were scared, is all!'' 
 
 `` Scared?! SCARED?! You think I was n't scared when I was left alone to sleep in the attic and our house almost got robbed? Did I just sit there and let all our money get taken away while whimpering like a coward? No! I defended my castle, and I expect no different from my children, if I can even call you that! Should I get out the belt?'' 
 
 `` No, Daddy! Please! We did n't know!'' 
 
 `` You did n't know what?!'' 
 
 `` Um...'' Jessica sniffled. `` You also had to do this?'' 
 
 `` I did n't have to do this! I could have done what you did, but then where would we be? Huh?! Where would we be!?'' 
 
 The children just whimpered on the couch. They looked about ready to cry. 
 
 `` Ah, kids.'' Kevin said. `` I'm sorry. Say, there's this movie I should show you. What's the Netflix password again?''
