[ WP ] Jesus has returned , but before he can be the savior mankind expects he 's got to survive grade school .

`` Mary, Joseph, please sit down'' 
 
 `` Those are n't our name'' said Jesus's mother 
 
 `` I bet you're wondering why you've been called in for this meeting'' 
 
 `` Jesus'' said Jesus's dad. The earthly one. 
 
 `` Now there's no need for that sort of language'' 
 
 Jesus's earth dad stared at the teacher. 
 
 `` We needed some of your time to talk to you about Jesus'' 
 
 Jesus's earth dad continued to stare at the teacher. 
 
 `` He's been causing some problems'' 
 
 `` He's always so well behaved at home'' said Jesus's mother `` He's perfect'' 
 
 `` All parents think that about their children'' 
 
 `` No he actually is perfect'' said Jesus's father `` we've never had to discipline him…ever'' 
 
 `` While we at the school approve of a discipline free household…'' 
 
 `` No we would discipline him if he did anything wrong he just, never has'' said Jesus's Earth dad 
 
 `` While I'm talking you do n't talk'' said the teacher, talking down to him 
 
 `` I'm not a child'' said the father 
 
 `` Which brings us to our first complaint. Jesus keeps referring to the students as children of God'' 
 
 `` And you do n't want religion in the school?'' said Jesus's mom 
 
 `` Typically no, but we understand Jesus is Palestinian and as our school is officially against the Israeli Apartheid'' 
 
 `` You're a grade school'' said Jesus's mother 
 
 `` We have decided to allow him to talk about religion. Our problem is his use of the word children'' 
 
 `` Pardon'' said Jesus's dad 
 
 `` Well, we prefer not to refer to the students as children'' 
 
 Jesus's dad paused to see if the teacher was joking. They were n't. 
 
 `` The grade school students?'' 
 
 `` Yes. Another problem is that he seems to be teaching students things we find innapropriate'' 
 
 `` We know it's a bit early but saying as he seemed to know it all already we decided giving him the sex talk…'' 
 
 `` Oh nothing like that. He's teaching them things like, if another student hits them, they should turn the other cheek'' 
 
 `` Ok'' said Jesus's dad 
 
 `` We at the school feel that hitting is a form of expression and should n't be suppressed'' 
 
 `` Sorry and what does your terrible teaching method have to do with Jesus?'' 
 
 `` Well we feel that by teaching students to turn the other cheek he is, probably inadvertently, suggesting that one of the students has the moral high ground, and more gravely, that a students action, in this case hitting, is'bad', which we feel is inappropriate and counter productive for conflict resolution'' 
 
 Both of Jesus's parents stared at the teacher. 
 
 `` He has also been teaching students there is more to life than school'' 
 
 `` There is more to life than school'' 
 
 `` Yes but we prefer not to teach the students that'' 
 
 Jesus's father sighed while his mother started surfing her smart phone for different schools. 
 
 `` Finally he seems to be feeding some of the students who do n't have lunches'' 
 
 `` I do n't know how he could be'' said Jesus's mom `` I do n't pack him large lunches'' 
 
 `` Yes he seems to somehow feed entire classrooms out of a single lunch bag'' 
 
 `` And the problem is…'' 
 
 `` We feel that a parent should have the right to not pack their students a lunch so…'' 
 
 `` Nope'' said Jesus's father, pulling on his wife's arm, leading her out of the class room. 
 
 `` Sir please, sir'' said the teacher following them down the hall way. 
 
 `` Jesus let's go'' said Jesus's father to Jesus, who was helping a student out of his wheel chair. 
 
 `` Right that's another thing, we feel that his healing of the differently abled suggests being able to walk is superior to not being able to walk and is therefore ableist which…'' 
 
 `` Stop talking'' said Jesus's father, turning to face the teacher. 
 
 `` Honey'' said Jesus's mom 
 
 `` Sir, I'm trying to help. If Jesus does n't shape up he's going to get crucified in his year end review'' 
 
 Jesus's father curled his fist, unsure what he was going to do until Jesus put a hand on his arm. 
 
 `` It's alright dad. Let's go'' said Jesus 
 
 They left. 
 

