[ WP ] Mages from another plane have been summoning the creatures in yours to extinction , you 've been tasked with stopping it .

“ Ah, here we are. Pleasure to meet you Mr...? ” 
 
 “ Strazforn Farseer, First Mage of the Outer Realms, Protector of the- “ 
 
 “ Okay that ’ s a bit of mouthful. How about… Strazzy. Can I call you Strazzy? ” 
 
 “ …I suppose. ” 
 
 “ So Strazzy, I ’ m going to get straight to the point. Your people are summoning all of our polar bears into your dimension. This has to stop. ” 
 
 “ Stop summoning ivory snowbeasts? Preposterous! The Armies of Kathamor require battlemounts in their crusade against the legions of the damned. ” 
 
 “ Now I ’ m sure that ’ s very important and all, but polar bears are an endangered species. Between global warming and habitat loss, we just can ’ t afford to have extradimensional wizards summoning away the rest of our polar bears. I ’ m sure you understand. ” 
 
 `` If we lose the battle against Vukore the Dismemberer, it would mean the end of all things. Billions would perish in an instant! Entire worlds would be reduced to ash! ” 
 
 “ Look, I feel for you Strazzy. I really do. But my boss is really riding me on this one. Election season ’ s coming up, and the environmentalists are all up in arms about this. He can ’ t afford to be the guy that let polar bears go extinct. ” 
 
 “ Hmph. Next you ’ ll want to deprive our armies of the fearsome bicolored felbeasts. ” 
 
 “ Bicolored what beasts? What are you talking abo- wait. Pandas? Are you talking about pandas? Have you been summoning pandas too? ” 
 
 “ Of course. How else are we to combat Vukore ’ s ogre battalions? ” 
 
 “ Christ. At least now we know what happened to Tian Tian… Alright, so polar bears I can understand, but why the hell do you need pandas for your army?'' 
 
 “ Have you seen what a felbeast can do to an ogre? The terrifying power of the creatures of your world is truly astounding. ” 
 
 “ Okay, well, I ’ m sorry but you can ’ t have our pandas either. They are VERY much endangered and they ’ re a big hit at zoos. Everyone loves the cute bastards. ” 
 
 “ We will not allow the forces of darkness to usher in ten thousand years of unspeakable horrors because your people find the bicolored felbeast to be ‘ cute ’. Your leaders would be responsible for the deaths of billions upon billions of- “ 
 
 “ Alright, alright. Calm down. Let me think. ” 
 
 I paused for a moment. 
 
 “ What if we could find you different battlemounts? ” 
 
 
 
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 “ Hey hey hey! Strazzy! My man! How are the new battlemounts working out? ” 
 
 “ They are exceeding all expectations! Never before have we seen such fearsome and deadly creatures. ” 
 
 He gestured at the scrying pool, where I saw the veiny muscles of one of Kathamor ’ s new Battle Cattle ripple as it tore out the throat of a terrified demon soldier. 
 
 “ Ah well. You have Monsanto and steroids to thank for that. Who knew cows had such so much untapped fury? ” 
 
 “ Indeed! Vukore ’ s armies have been broken, and the forces of darkness are in full retreat. Your Battle Cattle have singled handedly turned the tide of our eons long conflict.'' 
 
 “ Well, we ’ re just happy to help. ” 
 
 “ Come! We must feast to celebrate our victories! ” 
 
 “ Maybe later. Now, if you ’ ll recall our previous conversation about sending battlemages into the Middle East… ” 

