[ WP ] He sees you when you 're sleeping . He knows when you 're awake . And Santa , low on funds to pay his elves , has begun selling his surveillance data to the NSA .

`` So this naughty list... it's a 100 % accurate?'' 
 
 `` Ho ho ho! It sure is! People have been very very naughty this year'' 
 
 `` Are you sure you want to go through with this Santa? There's no going back once this information is in our hands.'' 
 
 `` Ho ho ho! Yes of course! I have to pay my elves somehow. This deal is too good to refuse.'' 
 
 `` Understood.'' 
 
 The man reached into his coat and pulled out a small black flip phone. He pressed a single button and put the phone to his ear. 
 
 `` Operation Naughty List is a go go go... and someone send Santa his candy canes.'' 
 
 ______________________________________________________________ 
 
 Little Timmy was enjoying his day. It was the day before Christmas and his entire family had spent the day out doing some last minute Christmas shopping. In the chaos he managed to persuade his parents to buy him two extra toys that he had really wanted but had to leave off his Christmas list. His parents had made him promise that he would n't touch the toys until after Christmas. He did n't care though. He was Little Timmy and he always got what he wanted. He was going to play and no promise was going to stop him. 
 
 `` GO GO GO!'' 
 
 Five NSA agents dove in through the windows of the house, showering poor Little Timmy with broken glass. The agents immediately did a barrel roll once they landed and formed a pose that looked like they were trying to spell `` NSA'' with their bodies. They began to speak in unison. 
 
 `` LITTLE TIMMY. THE NSA HAS INFORMATION PERTAINING TO YOUR EGREGIOUS VIOLATIONS AGAINST THE SECURITY OF OUR COUNTRY. COME WITH US AND YOU WILL NOT BE HURT.'' 
 
 Little Timmy was terrified. All he had wanted to do was play with his toy. What the hell was going on. 
 
 `` LITTLE TIMMY YOU ARE 12 YEARS OLD CORRECT?'' 
 
 All Little Timmy could do was nod. 
 
 `` WE HAVE INFORMATION OF MULTIPLE INCIDENTS WHERE YOU IN FACT LIED ABOUT YOUR AGE ON MANY WEBSITES THAT ARE DEEMED 18 AND UP CORRECT?'' 
 
 Little Timmy nodded again. 
 
 `` DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT LOOK UP `` BIG BOOB GIRLS NAKED'' IN GOOGLE AND WATCHED A VIDEO RESTRICTED FOR PEOPLE YOUR AGE?'' 
 
 Little Timmy was crying now. His actions had finally caught up with him. This was the end. 
 
 ______________________________________________________________ 
 
 
 Little Timmy ended up being let go due to the fact that the judge assigned to his case was also on the naughty list and had his trial on the same day. Little Timmy grew up to become a great hacker and ended up working at the same organization that had terrorized him at a young age. He then stole information pertaining to secret government actions and released them to the public while fleeing to Moscow. He never looked for porn through Google again. 
 
 Man with coat and flip phone became famous within the NSA for his groundbreaking deal with Santa Claus and was promoted 50 times until he was so high up in the NSA they were forced to make him start over from the bottom. 
 
 Santa Claus was finally able to pay his elves a candy cane wage that they deserved, ending a bloody civil war amongst the elves due to the Great Candy Cane Shortage. Sadly, he would pass in the middle of a celebration with three prostitutes. His last words to them were 
 
 `` Ho, Ho, Ho, have a merry Christmas'' 

