[ WP ] The last human is decommissioned by our superiors .

``... Thanks, Zhannaj, for that intimate look into the third annual equinox party, hosted and presented by Guuxniks Electronics. When you need it to work, you need Guuxniks. And now we're going to hear from correspondent Furshtil Ludenshtok. He's spent the early morning traveling fourteen galaxies to the eighth sector, where technicians have been celebrating all week. Furshtil, what's everyone so happy about?'' 
 
 `` Thanks, Lexi. Yeah, that's right, I'm here with one of the crews contracted by Third Coming Cleanse to travel to Earth and finish off the surviving humans from the last cleansing operation back in Sol 342. Media One covered that cleanse and now, ten sols later, the final phase of the cleanse, which was authorized by Congress during last sol's first sector Decision Days, is nearly complete. Let me just, here, can you zoom out? Yeah, there, as you can see, we've got a few dozen contractors singing and dancing and really just happy to be leaving and head home to loved ones and friends.'' 
 
 `` Furshtil, what's left to do?'' 
 
 `` Ah, yes, well, Lexi, what I'm being told is that there are two crews out in what the humans call Knorrweighee, and they're looking for a sole survivor of—wait, hold on, I'm getting confirmation here that, wait, yes, it's done. Lexi, it's done. Knoweighee has been cleansed of humans. The planet is now completely ready for recolonization. Oh, can you? I. It's getting quite loud here. Folks are really happy. I think I'll be signing off. This is, as you can see, a very exciting moment. Let's touch base here again in an hour or so.'' 
 
 `` Thank you, Furshtil. As Media One reported last week, sectors four and three are still in negotiation over the best way forward in beginning the negotiations over the recolonization. If you want to learn more about the Human Crisis of Sol 317 and the bisector cleansing initiative and its fascinating 75-sol history, say'History of Human Crises and Wars,' now. And now, it's time for our nightly Best Fashion Tips of the Week. Over to you, Dokhniss. What's in store for us tonight?'' 
 

