[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Dear Megan, 
 
 I was n't very popular in secondary school - I was strange and sheltered and was n't really noticed by people. I did n't mind this, as it was at least a step up from primary school, where I'd been the target of most people's ridicule. I do n't know whether I'm allowed to say I was bullied, considering a lot of people have had worse experiences than me, but it often felt like that. I was an easy target due to being different: I did n't live on a farm, like most of the other children; I was n't related to anyone there, and did n't have any siblings; I excelled at spelling and maths, but was so bad at sport the teachers tried to put me in the `` special needs'' category in gymnastics despite me not having any kind of special needs. 
 
 Come secondary school, a definite hierarchy began to develop. I was on the second-lowest level: people who were n't considered `` normal'' enough to be at a higher level, but had some sort of redeeming quality ( in my case, my intelligence ) which stopped us being the lowest of the low. I feel like class came into it as well; most of my friend group, myself included, came from relatively privileged backgrounds. The one level below us seemed typically to consist of people who were just as socially disconnected as us, but typically less creative or intellectual, and primarily working-class. 
 
 Having been used to being picked on as a child, I was determined not to repeat this experience, and felt the need to distance myself from that lowest bracket of people by disparaging those within it. At the time this felt like a means of self-defence. I now know I was hurting people. 
 
 You were one of such people. I still do n't know why it was that my friends found you to be so annoying. We'd spoken a little on the bus and you seemed alright. But the people I felt it most important to impress - my first proper friend group - seemed, for some reason, to strongly dislike you. As secondary schools go, it was pretty tiny - only 400 or so students. But for me, it was a big step up from the 30ish children in my primary school. I was afraid of anything that could possibly result in me being bullied. Though I'm by no means proud to admit it, in the process, I became a bully. 
 
 In hindsight, I do n't know how much you were actually aware of. The most notable thing I remember was the series of comics my friends and I used to draw in school: you were the villain. While a lot of effort and detail was put into other characters, you were drawn in a rough, cartoony style. I remember a song one of my friends made up about you that she'd sing sometimes. Another used to make funny noises and pretend to be doing impressions of you. I realise, now that I'm older, what awful people we were. People saw me as nice because I was shy and polite and helped them with their homework; but really, I was as bad as any of the `` bitchy popular people'' I reviled. 
 
 I completely understand if you have n't forgiven me, and I want to apologise for how I, and the rest of my friend group, treated you. I met up with them a while ago and mentioned how bad I felt about it; one of them shared my remorse, which I was glad about. The other just said something along the lines of `` I remember Megan, she was annoying'' and how strange she found it that you had a boyfriend now. I hope in time she will also realise what she did. 
 
 You deserved a much better school experience than we gave you. I know we were just immature 11-year-olds at the time, but we still had no excuse to behave as we did. I hope you're doing well at the moment, and maybe one day I'll have the confidence to tell you all of this directly. 
 
 I'm sorry for everything. 
 
 ~ Pippa
