[ WP ] Doctors have found out the use of the appendix , and it is not good .

Randall approached the Pearly Gates slowly, unsurely, with the unsteady gait and expression of a life-long agnostic facing down what he had always written off as metaphorical narrative fantasy. 
 
 `` Hello, Randall,'' spake ( they always'spake' in these things ) the bearded old Caucasian man standing behind a lectern. Or podium. Randall never did figure out the difference. 
 
 `` Uh, are you... are you Saint Peter?'' Randall asked, confused, somewhat fearful. Catholic school had painted a rather unflattering picture of what would happen to nonbelievers... a picture that was suddenly dominating Randall's imagination. 
 
 `` I am. Welcome to the Pearly Gates.'' 
 
 Before Saint Peter lay a gigantic book, millions of pages long, with Randall's name engraved in gold on the cover. His life. Every moment, every detail, every sin and every kindness written out in excruciating detail. He sweated a little bit. 
 
 `` Okay, let's get this started,'' said Saint Peter. `` Now, if I could just get your appendix, I'll be able to work my way through this.'' 
 
 `` My... appendix, sir?'' asked Randall. `` I'm sorry, but I had it out when I was a kid. It was inflamed, so the doctors removed it.'' 
 
 `` Ugh, for Christ's sake, not another one. How the hell am I supposed to find my way through this tome without a proper appendix?'Faith, page six hundred and three thousand, four hundred ninety five.''Crisis of faith, page seven hundred and forty two thousand, sixty three.' And so on. You mortals and your modern medicine really do make my job a pain in the ass.'' 
 
 Grumbling, Saint Peter began thumbing through the pages of the impossibly long book, mumbling things like `` Catholic school... married... kids...'' 
 
 After a few minutes, Randall noticed a line had formed behind him. It was fast, but the line seemed to go on for tens of thousands of people. They looked to be all Asian, as far as Randall could tell. Looking up, Saint Peter noticed them and cursed. 
 
 `` Crapshackle, the typhoon was today, was n't it? The hell with it. Just go in.'' 
 
 The gates swing wide and Randall strolled into Heaven. As he passed the lecterndium, he could hear Saint Peter yelling into an intercom about outdated library technology.
