[ WP ] In the afterlife , people are given awards for things they did during their life . You won the award `` Most People Killed Without Knowing It . ''

Chapter 1/5 
 
 Jeez, what a ceremony. I sat on one of the rooftop seats and watched the gigantic auditorium fill up. Tens of thousands of people, in suits and dresses, and clothes from every era as far as the eye could see, strolled in from the red carpet outside. Next to the stage, where the really important people sat, Cleopatra walked up to her golden seat on the front row. In a magnificent white cotton dress, she inspired awe, except for the two guys on either side of her, one in a Roman emperor's toga and crown, and on her right a man in a roman general's headpiece. Caesar and.. was it, Marc Anthony? Jeez. 
 
 After the guests were sat, Robin Williams came on stage in what appeared to be a bright red pimp suit, and told a couple of jokes to warm up the crowd. Doing impressions of Nelson Mandela and Sir Isaac Newton, he had the guests all laughing by the time the awards was up, which was an impressive feat given that English was n't the most-spoken language. Great comedy transcends words I guess. 
 
 But I was troubled. Why was I here? These people, these were the greats of history: the men and women who ( when they had been alive ) had impacted the world. These were people with followers in the hundreds and thousands, on whose words empires and kingdoms had crumbled, men and women whose mere gestures were felt in distant echoes thousands of years after their time time, people whose minds and writings had changed knowledge forever. 
 
 Who the hell was I to win an ward here? Sure, I was a mildly successful stockbroker from Madison, Wisconsin. But surely that's a couple notches below King *fucking* Solomon, and George Washington himself? I looked again at my invitation. `` Award winner. ``, and on the back, an `` invitation to the Afterlife Awards Afterparty''. I sighed, and slumped back into my seat and watched the proceedings. Something terrible would happen, I knew it. 
 
 *** 
 Chapter 2/5 
 
 I had dozed off when I heard my name from the stage, which woke me up with a start. This was followed by thunderous applause, and the old man in a magnificent beard and gold-lined toga next to me poked me with a stick, and muttered to himself. `` Non progredi est regredi'' he said. `` I beg your pardon?'' I asked him. And he said, `` Dico Ego, Marcus Aurelius''. 
 
 `` Well, jeez. I better get going then. ``, I said sarcastically, getting to my feet, under Marcus Aurelius's sternly disapproving glare. I walked down the flight of stairs and up the main corridor leading to the stage, every single eye from history on me. It was like high school graduation. 
 
 As I neared the stage, I heard a voice shout out `` That's my boy!'' 
 
 I looked into the second row to see none other than my ex-convict grandpa, moonshine whisky in his hand, with his arm around Catherine the Great. He gave me a thumbs up and a wink. The lecherous bastard. Of course he'd conned his way here. He would n't miss a party like this. 
 
 As I got to the stage, Robin Williams shook my hand, and presented me with a trophy in the shape of a pure gold question mark about the size of an oscar. `` Now, ladies and gentlemen. Many of you have willingly killed thousands, some of you millions of people in the name of your various empires and victory and whatnot..... but this man, wins a special treat. A truly special award. The most people killed without knowing it.'' 
 
 Laughter and thunderous applause across the auditorium sent a chill up my spine. As the cheering died down, Robin Williams put on a smirk. `` Let's take a look at the clip, folks, shall we? Please put on your 3D glasses.'' 
 
 And all eyes turned behind us, where a huge 3D projection had appeared. I was handed a pair of glasses by Robin and, in unison with the crowd, we put them on as we all turned our eyes to the screen above, where my life was to be shown for all of history to watch... and mock. 
 
 *** 
 
 Chapter 3/5 
 
 ( to be continued!.... at work! )
