[ CC ] [ PI ] C764 ~ would really appreciate some crit for this piece .

Overall, I liked your story. I would definitely read more if I could. However, I agree with some other people on thia thread that it's a bit technical, and does n't have much of a plot. It'a a good start, but I would n't want to read a whole story written like that. 
 
 Two small things: I though the place me of the 9th paragraph was a little awkward, and it might be nicer a little sooner, but it does work the way it is, and that's just a little thing. Also ( something you have probably already fixed ) there is a type-pretty when you are talkinvited about how the main chaeact r via likefax by the women, you say woman instead of women.
