[ WP ] A guy finds the perfect avocado

His twitching and pacing was starting to get on my nerves as the professor watched me with forlorn eyes. I looked back down at the subject, throughly displeased with the sudden awakening in the middle of the night. 
 
 `` Walter...'' I began, choosing my words very carefully as not to offend my friend in the middle of the night. 
 
 `` It's a fucking avocado.'' 
 
 `` It's not just any avocado, Charles! It's a perfect avocado! The smell, the taste, the texture! Van Gogh would have given his other ear to hold or even look at a specimen like this! This, Walter, this is what people imagine when they try to mentally picture this fruit.'' I could only yawn. 
 
 `` What is your point, Walt? It's 2am, and I'm imagining my perfect bed upstairs and it's missing one critical component.... Me.'' But my friends pacing did n't stop, instead it seemed that his brow furrowed even more in worry. 
 
 `` Have you ever heard of Plato's perfect world?'' We were both philosophy professors at the same college, rooming together to pay the bills since neither of us were tenured. 
 
 `` Yes, Walt. I know it. The thought that there exists another world where the perfect concept of each thing exists, blah blah blah, philosophy 101 that we teach just to impress the cute girls up front with our compendium of knowledge. Get on with it.'' 
 
 `` Plato and up with that to suggest some sort of communal thought process when it came to language and communication so that we were all on the same page. Water comes in a bucket. We all know the bucket, or glass, since it's the same one we all think of when it's brought up.'' I was starting to drift off again listening to Walter. He had a terrible tendency to ramble on when he was on a roll, inflicting his poor audience to hold on until the through train had pulled back into the station. 
 
 `` Then why is the perfect avocado sitting here, Charles?'' Choo choo. Last stop, improbable-vile. Train has pulled into the station. 
 
 `` Wha-'' 
 
 `` WHY IS THE AVOCADO PERFECT, CHARLES?'' I nearly fell off of the kitchen counter I was perched on when he yelled all of a sudden. I looked back to see partial tears in his eyes as he clenched his hair in near agony. 
 
 `` Walter, what the fu-'' 
 
 `` DO YOU SEE IT YET?'' He nearly yelled again through clenched teeth. It must have been that I was so tired that I could not hold my composure anymore. 
 
 `` SEE WHAT YOU CRAZY FUCK?!? All I see is an exceptionally well endowed fruit/vegetable! Yes, it's the perfect representation of a wildly popular addition to your fucking sandwiches and when ground up, makes tacos worth eating! SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT?!'' Walter was not even phased as he looked down at the fruit between us. 
 
 `` Think, Charles. For a brief moment. Assume that Plato is right. Why, then, is this perfect example here?'' I sighed heavily and spun at the counter, taking a calming breath. It was late, I was upset, and Walter was clearly off of his rocker. Maybe the best course of action was to play along and let this run it's course so we could a go to sleep. 
 
 `` Okay, Walt. Assuming Plato was correct in his wild fantasy and totally experimental thought process that was more meant as a metaphor...'' 
 
 `` Allegedly.'' 
 
 `` Allegedly meant as a metaphor.'' I said with grit teeth. `` And also assuming that this particular avocado is the perfect specimen, then the only logical conclusion is that this is the perfect world.'' 
 
 The words rang into silence as a small tear ran down Walt's face. I almost missed what I had said, my mind more focused on sleep than on what was coming out of my own voice. Walt's agony was almost palpable as the numbness crawls over my features, my mind slowly processing the words. 
 
 `` Say it one more time, Charles. Listen to it.'' 
 
 I could hardly breathe as I started to click the words into my voicebox for projection. 
 
 `` This is... The perfect world.'' Walt was almost in tears as the realization finally hit me. 
 
 The optimist believes that this is the best of all possible outcomes. The pessimist fears that this is true. 

