[ WP ] The angel and devil on your shoulders simply want you to do SOMETHING .

`` Is he going to do *anything? * Holy fuck, this guy is boring.'' The shoulder devil hopped off his human's torso. Or perhaps it was his own torso -- stuff like identity is tricky at best when you're a vaguely-anthropomorphic personification of a personality fragment, but the demon was n't feeling very philosophical at the moment. He paced on the bed, leaving tiny hoofprints of brimstone. `` I mean, what the shit? It's past noon and he has n't even put on pants today. Normally, that'd be great, because it's hilarious when he goes out nude, but... fuck. I understand sticking it to The Man, but just not doing anything? I ca n't... process it.'' 
 
 `` As much as I hate agreeing with you, I... have to agree with you. Idle hands are the devil's plaything,'' his counterpart intoned. 
 
 `` Do you have to be so fucking condescending? Christ, it's no wonder he acts like being good is a chore. Are other shoulder angels demeaning pricks, or are you just special?'' 
 
 `` Hey, could you two can it for a while? I'm trying to count the paint bumps in the ceiling.'' 
 
 The devil pinched the bridge of his snout. `` Ashmedai wept. Look, buddy, you've clearly got something you need to be doing, and that something is probably sex, drugs, sexy drugs, drugged-out sex, and/or playing Beatles records backward for satanic messages. You're cutting into valuable sin time, and time is money, so you're stopping me from collecting the wages of sin. Or something. Point being, fuck off.'' 
 
 The human merely grunted and started his count over. 
 
 `` You see?'' said the angel. `` Case in point.'' 
 
 The devil's only response was a gesture so violently offensive that it has been known to kill at thirty paces. 
 
 `` All right, fine. Maybe he's doing evil by not doing good. That's a win, right?'' 
 
 `` If so, he's doing good by not doing evil.'' 
 
 `` Well, la-dee-dah, Mr. Logic. Screw this. I'm gon na go out and *make him do evil. *'' The devil tried to haul the human vertical, cursing as his hooves slipped on the sheets. `` Does n't this guy have a command center or something?'' 
 
 `` Do you honestly think I'd tell you that? Come now. Do n't lie, as I'm sure you will.'' 
 
 `` What is *wrong* with you? I'm trying to help you do your job and here you are judging me on the color of my skin and the contents of my horns. I know, it's a preposition beyond all possible reason and Heaven's main MO for dealing with the unexpected is to blow it to kingdom come, but is it too much to ask for a little bipartisan cooperation?'' 
 
 `` What did you have in mind?'' 
 
 `` You hold him down and I slap him silly.'' 
 
 The angel considered this for a moment. `` And you say this will spur him to do good?'' 
 
 ``... Sure. Why not?'' 
 

