[ WP ] The United States of America lost a nuclear war to a country the entire world least expected to attack . Describe the first day of the attack : Thanksgiving day , 2014z

President Obama stared at him intently, drumming his fingers on the table, waiting. You could cut the tension in the Situation Room with a dull butter knife. The leaders of the US armed forces sat around the large table sensing palpable anger rising from Obama, and became quiet. 
 
 The Canadian ambassador to the United States nervously fidgeted in his seat, cleared his throat, and began, “ Mr. Pres— “ 
 
 Obama held up his hand, his gaze never leaving the ambassador. “ Leave us, ” he instructed his staff. 
 
 Amid protests from the leaders of his armed forces, he said, “ Now. ” They knew a losing argument when they saw one, and left. The door closed behind them with a click, and the two were alone. 
 
 The most powerful man in the world sat across from a rather rotund and exasperated ambassador. He had been summoned to the underground bunker housing the backup Situation Room at 3 AM with armed guard escorts, barely having time to dress. He could feel his stomach gurgling vainly trying to digest his Thanksgiving meal. 
 
 “ What the hell are you doing? ” Obama asked. 
 
 “ I didn ’ t have time to dress properly, I apologize— “ Sweat began dripping down the ambassador ’ s face. 
 
 Not waiting for an answer, Obama leaped upon the table and grabbed his collar, and pulled him and his largesse back across the table. Then Obama slammed his face on the table wiping the stunned expression off his face replacing it with sheer horror. Their faces were inches apart now. 
 
 “ How did Canada get nukes? ” 
 
 “ What? I have no idea— “ 
 
 “ We just detected five launches, and they ’ re all headed for NORAD. Another five launches are heading over the polar ice cap. ” 
 
 “ You must be joking! ” 
 
 “ Do I look like I ’ m joking? We ’ re about to wipe out every major Canadian metropolitan as soon as we reprogram trajectories. ” 
 
 The ambassador was stunned and started blubbering and shaking uncontrollably, then vomited undigested turkey on Obama. 
 
 At that moment, the door burst open, the top commander poked his head in, “ Mr. President, we have a problem. ” 
 
 Obama motioned him in, wiping off the chunks of turkey and gravy from his jacket with a murderous gaze toward the sobbing ambassador who was nursing his broken nose. 
 
 “ We couldn ’ t retarget our missiles in time. ” 
 
 “ Point them manually if you have to, we can not let this aggression stand! ” Obama seethed. 
 
 “ That ’ s what we had to do. Canadian cities and targets simply don ’ t exist in our targeting database. By the time we entered them manually, we lost NORAD and our command and control network. ” 
 
 The Canadian ambassador ’ s phone rang, and he meekly answered, “ Hello? ” 
 
 Obama ripped it out of his hands, motioned his returning staff to begin analysis, and enabled the speaker phone on the mobile phone. 
 
 “ This is the President of the United States. Explain yourself— “ 
 
 “ Shut up and sit down. ” The voice had a Quebecois accent. 
 
 Obama was stunned, but before he could react, the voice continued, “ We have destroyed your command and control network. Your major metropolitans are next if you do not immediately surrender. ” 
 
 “ Why?! ” roared the President, his voice echoing through out the bunker. 
 
 “ Why indeed. The world stands on the brink of nuclear armageddon as you and Putin wage senseless proxy wars in the most dangerous dick measuring contest in history. ” 
 
 Obama stammered, “ They started with Crimea, and have made in-roads to Ukraine and Belarus. We are merely protecting allies. ” 
 
 “ As is he, no doubt. ” 
 
 “ Why us? ” 
 
 “ Rest assured that your Russian counterpart is equally incapacitated. You will both begin immediate disarmament, and Canadian forces shall begin our occupation of Washington, D.C. and Moscow. ” 
 
 “ Surely you ’ re joking! ” 
 
 “ We shall leave once two conditions are met. ” 
 
 “ We do not negotiate— “ 
 
 “ Do not make us nuke New York. Their deaths will be on your head. ” 
 
 That silenced the President who fell to his seat defeated. 
 
 “ The first condition is the complete destruction of your nuclear arsenals and submarine fleet. ” 
 
 “ And the second? ” 
 
 “ French shall be your national language. ” 

