[ WP ] A paladin devoted to RNGesus , a muscle wizard , a asshole thief and You , the ___ . This party wo n't last long ...

`` So let me get this straight,'' Brutus demanded, incredulity lining his face. `` You worship the elemental nature of randomness?'' 
 
 `` No, no, that would be blasphemy.'' His ally replied coolly. `` I worship the avatar of the elemental nature of randomness.'' 
 
 The wizard shoot his head in bafflement. `` So, you're a chaotic paladin who does n't worship good? How is that even possible?'' 
 
 The paladin chuckled. `` It is rather simple. Chaos is predictable in its unpredictableness. Chaos will never behave in a way unlike chaos except when, just like chaos is wont to do, it behaves unlike chaos in a chaotic fashion. Furthermore, what is a blessing if not...'' 
 
 The wizard backed away slowly, his head already starting to thud from the conversation. Accidentally, he backed into Jaxter, who stumbled out of my embrace and hit the ground, cursing. 
 
 `` Motherfucking jackass cocksucking dickweed!'' Jax roared out. 
 
 `` Quieten yourself, oaf.'' Nimba barked. `` Do you forget where we are?'' 
 
 `` SHOVE YA HOLY SWORD UP YA HOLY ASS, BITCH!'' Was the reply. 
 
 I exhaled slowly, working backwards from ten in my head, my raised fingers providing a visual cue of where I was in the count. The party noticed, of course, and fell silent. My fists closed on zero, uneventfully, and they released a relieved sigh. 
 
 `` I wish you were more mute like Siren, instead of someone quite likely to set off sirens.'' Brutus stated flatly, his attempt at wit. 
 
 `` And ya'd be better if ya had a brain to match dat brawn. What, did ya bully beat yer way into the astral plane fer enlightenment?'' 
 
 `` Enlightenment comes from multiple sources.'' Nimba offered. `` In fact, I obtained my own by picking up a coin off the street, and musing on how randomly ordered the world was. See, I needed that coin to...'' 
 
 `` Sez the anti-paladin paladin.'' Jax interrupted with a hiss. `` Listen, we gots a muscle wizard, dis here paladin of chance who don even believe in primal good, anna bard who ca n't even speak, much less sing, owing what to his muteness an' all. Frankly, I'm the only one who knows how to do what he's doin', so trust me when I say shut up. Else dis party here? Wo n't last long.'' 
 
 ``'Sez' the rogue who ca n't stay quiet for two seconds, who hurt his leg on the first trap in this dungeon.'' She replied acridly. 
 
 He looked down at the injured limb, wincing at the reminder. `` Yeah? Wells, I can stay quiet long enough to get behind ya behind and shove a dagger up it, so best -'' 
 
 I raised a hand suddenly, my forked ears perking forward at a sudden noise. 
 
 `` D'ya hear something, merman?'' Nimba asked quietly. I nodded. 
 
 `` He's not a merman, he's a siren. I mean, it's his fuckin' name as well, all like his parents ran outta gooduns and were jes like'lez call dis here siren Siren, hyuck hyuck,' but anyways... there's a bunch of cultural differences, ya dumb fuck, plus dem ears what be like a snake, if snakes had ears. Honestly, does nobody else here pay attention in diplomacy class?'' 
 
 I coughed to recover their attention, the only limited noise I could make. Quickly, I drew in the dirt below us a rough outline of where the enemies were coming from, as well as a few suggestions on how best to handle them. Belatedly, I remembered that Jax was the only one present who could read. 
 
 `` Yeah, yeah, dats pretty good. I'mma do my usual thing though. Goon one and goon two, what Siren da siren here wants ya to do is...'' 
 
 Time passed as we moved into position, waiting patiently. Finally, the hunting party of trolls rounded the corner. I quickly counted to confirm what my hearing indicated - twenty five. The largest one holding back, clearly the leader. We'd have to proceed with utmost caution in order to - 
 
 `` YAAAAAAH EAT DAGGA YA DUMB FUCKS!'' Jax screamed suddenly, breaking from his cover to charge forward towards the leader. I slapped my forehead, wishing intensely that I could curse out loud. 
 
 I glanced over at the other two, to make sure they were n't going to improv as well. Brutus stood far to the back, his eyes squinted in concentration, staring at his hand intently. Briefly, I saw the tiniest flicker of flame, struggling to come into being with only his limited intelligence as fuel. 
 
 Standing to the side of him, her eyes casting about calmly for the nearest threat, Nimba held her sword extended. A faint green glow radiated from her, evidence that her holy powers were active. 
 
 I strummed a few notes on my lute, quickly adapting my Melody of Thought into a Dirge of Depression, likewise changing my target from our slow wizard to the trolls. He'd have to get that fire going himself, while I helped make sure Jax did n't die in mere seconds. 
 
 Alas, my efforts were in vain, and I witnessed the rogue splatter underneath a club swung with startling lack of effort. The troll holding it looked down at the smear, bemused at how quickly that ended. A few quick grunts sounded from him, met with reply from the others. It sounded suspiciously like trollish laughter. 
 
 `` You're used to adventurers who send their strongest guy in first, right?'' Brutus grunted towards them conversationally, sweat straining from his brow. `` Unfortunately, our strongest guy is a bit busy here. Aha!'' 
 
 I glanced towards him again, noting that he held in his hand a sputtering flame. 
 
 `` Okay, I'm ready now. Come at me!'' Brutus bellowed out! The trolls, though not speaking our language, obliged. 
 
 `` You going to throw that soon?'' Nimba asked calmly as the enemy charged in. `` I mean, any closer, and we'll get caught in that fireball's blast.'' 
 
 `` Throw it?'' Brutus asked, confused. `` Why would I do that?'' 
 
 Her unshakable composure was finally shook, as she watched him close a fist around the fireball and realized what he intended to do. `` Aww, Goddamn it...'' she muttered, diving to the side. 
 
 `` Fireball!'' Brutus declared, as his flaming fist slammed into the first troll. After a brief pause, there was a muted whump, followed by a vivid flash of light and heat. `` Brutus version!'' He amended, standing over the charred remains of the troll, smoke tendrils whiffing out from his clenched hand. `` It kinda hurts, but why else would I train my body up this much, right?'' 
 
 `` Right...'' Nimba grumbled, standing back up again. `` That's one down, twenty three more to go, plus the big guy in the back. How many times can you do that in a row?'' 
 
 `` Uh... just once. Siren was supposed to boost my brain a bit, but he got distracted by Jax dying. Such a shame. Oh well. I still have a few Acid Bolts in hand, pun not intended.'' 
 
 `` And what after that, pray tell?'' 
 
 `` I guess I just beat the shit out of'em until they stop getting back up.'' 
 
 `` Sounds better than my plan, at least.'' 
 
 `` Oh? What's your plan?'' 
 
 `` Sit here and pray something goes right for us.'' 
 
 The battle continued to rage for the next five minutes. To the combined credit of both the paladin and the wizard, they were able to take down another ten trollish underlings, but slowly, they continued to wear out, while the merely injured trolls just recovered quickly from any damage they took. 
 
 I began to step forward, accepting that I'd have to participate more actively in the fight, when Nimba yelled out suddenly. 
 
 `` Keep playing the lute, fool! You're about to ruin my setup!'' 
 
 I hastily resumed strumming, wondering what she had planned. The nine trolls backing her into a corner picked up their stalk as well, confident that she was about to die. I was n't so unsure on that, myself. 
 
 A low rumble entered the chamber, rapidly growing louder. Scant seconds later, the ceiling caved in, crushing the seven. Moments after that, a crashing was heard overhead, and unbelievably, liquid fire began pouring out through the newly formed hole, incinerating the trolls. Nimba calmly stepped over the blaze, stopping next to the wizard. 
 
 `` Okay.'' Brutus said into the stunned silence. `` Who the hell did that, and how the hell did they do that?'' 
 
 `` Simple.'' Nimba stated smugly. `` I simply invoked my powers over chance. I mean, what are the odds that there would be a chamber overhead, structurally weakened by the vibrations of the lute being played, which would *furthermore* be where these trolls keep their vials of eternal flame, despite trolls having no logical use for or need to keep fire, their greatest weakness, around? It's absolutely preposterous and chaotic... right?'' 
 
 `` Right...'' 
 
 `` Next time, you might want to listen to my story about the coin I found, that led to me being a paladin. It's a good story.'' 
 
 `` Right...'' 
 
 The remaining trolls, numbering now only five, stared at us nervously. 
 
 `` Of course, now that I've invoked my daily miracle, I'm tapped out. Anyone else got any bright ideas?'' 
 
 I stepped forward again, tentatively. `` What, you want to take on the final five yourself?'' I nodded, and concentrated. 
 
 `` Oh... hey... I recognize this.'' Brutus said slowly, his eyes shut in determined thought. `` We had a guy at the academy... was n't cut out to be a wizard, but his power flowed through the same channels... what was his name... and what was his... oooh.'' 
 
 His eyes snapped open in shock. `` You're a...?'' 
 
 **INDEED. ** 
 
 The voice boomed through the room, splattering two of the trolls with sheer percussive force. 
 
 `` A ventriloquist?'' Nimba asked, an eyebrow raised. 
 
 `` No, Siren's a...'' 
 
 **PSION. AND MY NAME IS PSIREN. THE P IS SILENT, JUST LIKE ME. ** 
 
 Two other trolls exploded. I noted cooly that the other two were almost fully reformed, the blessing and curse of their troll blood. 
 
 I decided to put an end to that, hefting my lute into a slightly different position. Channeling all of my mind into it as amplification, I strummed the string once. 
 
 `` Fuck...'' 
 
 `` What'd you say?'' 
 
 I smirked. Accelerating the soundwaves to the point that they heated up was difficult, but the four burnt remains before me were the reward. A little deafness was a fair trade. I turned to the last one, the boss. 
 
 Just in time to hear a shlick, and witness his head pop off, steaming from the acid on Jax's dagger. 
 
 `` What? You did n't think y'all were the only special folk here, right? My illusion died, not me.''
