[ WP ] A machine is created that can tell you how you will die ... but only in the most vague way possible .

Maybe not exactly what you were looking for, but my first thought! 
 
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 
 
 I swung by Golden Dragon on my way home from work and picked up our orders. 
 
 Laura's day was horrible. She'd blown the sale of that place over on Lebanon Avenue, and she had been so sure they were going to buy. Between bites of fried rice, she told me about how Husband # 1 had insisted on *east* facing windows in the bedroom, so the sunrise could wake them up naturally, and Husband # 2 had insisted on *north* facing windows, so they could save on air conditioning in the summer by avoiding direct sunlight. 
 
 I tried to console her, but my egg drop soup burned my tongue on the first sip, and she cracked up and could n't stop laughing at me. My mouth was too sore to eat after that, but no matter. I'd had a big lunch. I tossed mine into the fridge for later. It tasted off, anyway. 
 
 She asked me how my day went, and speared a nugget of General Tso's Chicken with a plastic fork. I told her about the new project our engineering department was working on. Well, I told her what I could. Truth is, I really did n't know that much. Some top secret government project. Lots of mathematicians and physicists involved. 
 
 Something about dead reckoning. 
 
 She finished up her meal and reached for her fortune cookie, cracked it open, and pulled out the strip of paper. Then popped both halves of the fragmented dessert into her mouth. 
 
 I did n't feel like eating the cookie, so I just cracked it open, pulled out the fortune, and set it aside. 
 
 `` A person can survive almost everything but death?'' she read. `` I do n't think that's even Chinese. What's about yours?'' 
 
 `` Hmm,'' I looked down at mine. `` Everyone eats and drinks, but only few ever taste.'' 
 
 `` Aww, that's sweet, sort of,'stop and smell the roses,' right?'' She flipped her fortune over. `` Ooh, I've got a word in Chinese. Xiaoshi. It means hour. You?'' 
 
 I looked down at mine. `` Du. Poison.'' 
 
 `` Cool.'' She went to the kitchen for icecream.
