[ CW ] Tell a love story , including a plant , in 5 sentences .

He chose a fern that did n't need much attention, because he did n't want her to get upset over the very real possibility that she might actually forget to water the baby when it came, or, rather, forget to do whatever it is you do to babies so that they stay alive. She was compulsively lazy and irresponsible; he did mostly everything for her, and now he'd have to water this ugly goddamned spiky-leafed fern, too, even though it was her idea to get this piece of shit plant in the first place. He'd said these things in his head on the drive home, but in reality, even if this lazy, pregnant, crazy maniac of a woman had 16 thousand ferns, he'd water them all, and then he'd bring her a cup of water, too, because she likes to have one before bed in case she wakes up thirsty. She never wakes up thirsty, and he pours the water down the drain in the morning. And in return, she'd tell him jokes and laugh at his and make him feel like love is worth it, because all is fair in ferns and strange little babies and moms who are still strange little babies themselves.
