[ WP ] Another murder case where once again all evidence points to the squirrels .

Speaking conceptually, if any living thing must die, any living thing can kill. Be it a baby being stolen from its parents and eating a coyote, or rather taking a military grade AR-15 assault rifle to the dog's head. People die every day, and accordingly in a matter of throat choking, flesh splitting, brain busting, and mutilating moments a murderer is made. Anything is possible. 
 
 *Tuesday, March 10, 1969* 
 
 Across the country multiple acidhead hippies decided that were many other better things to do rather than protests the government and appear on magazine covers. They decided that the simple alternative to all of this neo liberal bullshit was to get up, find a dealer, and start consuming buckets of psychedelic LSD. From Jimi Hendrix to Bill Clinton, everyone was hooked on this shit0. 
 Noted in multiple entries in many different scientific journals, the effect of narcotics can have a variety of effects on different animals aside from humans. For example, Catnip can be used as an air freshener for your grandmother's house, yet also stoning the living daylights out of her tabbie. To a more extreme degree, it was also observed that the effect of LSD on many rodents serve as a methamphetamine type of hook. Subject to such substance abuse, it is a common hippie practice to “ Fuck with the tree rats ” by serving them teaspoon servings of acid ( LSD ). 
 As for Billy Joe, and Bobby Sue, the outcome of this inhumane experiment would turn unexpectedly deadly. 
 
 *Wednesday the following week, March 18, 1969* 
 
 Few things have surprised my eyes more than the following. In my time working as an investigative journalist, I have been introduced to many different forms of narcotics, taken part in fraternity initiations proving to be as incredibly irresponsible and downright insane as introducing freshmen to activities such as the “ Back Side Ballooner ” and the “ Ohio Hot Pocket ”, ( I will not go into further detail ). Aside from all the heinous acts of hazing and illegal substance abuse, I have never found myself come so close to a case as gory and bloodcurdling as what I am about to tell you. My report follows. 
 
 *Thursday, March 12, 1969* 
 
 After sitting around their trailer park living room in oakland california, Billy Joe and Bobby Sue decided that during an acid induced trip, that the greatest way to become one with nature, was to intoxify various rodents with narcotics such as Cocaine, Marijuana, and most abusively LSD. Staggering out of their screened door, Billy took two paces for each stair, only moving down when his sandal laced feet were on the same step as each other. Bobby Sue on the other hand had a much more difficult time. Holding a spoon filled with the “ Magic Purple Shit ” as they referred to it, at an arm ’ s length. She danced uncontrollably down the three steps courageously humming Hindu prayers, slurred into conjunction with Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds by the Beatles ( a.k.a L.S.D ). 
 
 After crouching beside their trailer, Billy Joe and Bobby Sue waited patiently for their woodland victim. Unfortunately, there would be no victim in this incident besides them. 
 
 *Thursday the following week, March 19, 1969* 
 
 My compiled details follow 
 
 Billy Joe was found in a fetal position, with his dreadlocks torn out of his skull with ruthless malevolence 
 
 Bobby Sue was found on top of her husband, covered blood, and on top of her left eye, a small sample of squirrel feces. 
 
 After sampling the feces we found that the high concentration of serotonin proteins in the feces, that it was a product of human flesh combined with an unusual amount of LSD. 
 
 This leads us to believe that Billy Joe and Bobby Sue believed they were on with nature during an acid trip and accordingly committed an act of self proclaimed self cannibalism by encouraging the intoxified squirrel to gruesomely murder them and hopefully become one with their spirits. 
 
 At this time, l came to the conclusion that Billy Joe and Bobby Sue had committed suicide as of Friday the 13th, 1969, and has only left me with the impression that had Billy Joe and Bobby Sue been a present day representation of Adam and Eve, the human race would have certainly been doomed.
