[ WP ] After you die , Jesus and Satan are fighting over who can have you .

I'm sat in a long, white room. To my left, there ’ s a red door that says `` HELL'', to my right, a light blue one that says “ HEAVEN ”. Across from me there ’ s an office – I can hear two muffled voices. 
 
 `` Listen, you've seen his file, you know I can ’ t take him.'' 
 
 `` That does n't mean I have to take him! I'm not just your dumping ground.'' 
 
 `` No, no, I'm not sure saying that. It ’ s just, well, he does n't fit the criteria.'' 
 
 `` Well, he does n't fit mine either.'' 
 
 `` So what do we do? My boss ’ ll kill me if I take him, we ’ re heaving.'' 
 
 `` So are we! I've never seen it this busy.'' 
 `` Well then WHAT DO WE DO!?'' 
 
 `` I DON ’ T KNOW DO I!? Stop yelling at me! I can ’ t think with all this noise…'' 
 
 At this point, I've had enough. I want to know what ’ s going on. I creep over to the door and gently ease it open. Inside, one of the guys is sat in an armchair, black suit, smart hair, sunglasses, whilst the other paces up and down the office, white suit, beard, smoking. 
 
 `` Um, you guys know I can hear you, right?'' I hear myself asking. 
 
 `` Oh man, come in, sorry.'' 
 
 `` What ’ s going on?'' 
 
 `` Well, it ’ s just… I mean, you ’ re dead. You know that right?'' 
 
 I nod. 
 
 `` Good. It ’ s just that, well, everyone has to come through here for, sort of, processing. And, erm, you ’ re not exactly a clean-cut case. My friend and I here were just discussing which way you had to go. I mean, do you have a preference?'' 
 
 `` Heaven. Obviously heaven. Why do you even need to ask? Heaven heaven heaven.'' 
 
 `` Hmm, yeah. I guess that was kind of a stupid question.'' 
 
 `` What my friend here is trying to say, is that we can ’ t just let everybody go to heaven. It ’ s kind of impractical. In your particular case, there are arguments for both sides…It ’ s nothing personal, it ’ s the modern way of living. To be honest we ’ re seeing it more and more often. We are trying to develop a new system but, well, you've kind of died at the wrong time. We ’ re between systems.'' 
 
 `` You ’ re between systems?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, between systems'' they both chorused, somewhat sheepishly. 
 
 `` I see. So, how do we decide?'' 
 
 `` We could flip for it?'' 
 
 `` FLIP FOR IT?! You ’ re going to flip for my eternity?!'' 
 
 `` Have you got any better ideas?'' 
 
 I did n't. But then, it was n't really my job. 
 
 `` Alright then, it ’ s decided. We ’ ll flip for it.'' 
 
 I could n't watch, I waited outside. I sat outside that room for what felt like, but which definitely was n't, an eternity. Then, the door opened. Before I could look up, one of them said; 
 
 `` OK, Mr Patterson, you have yourself an eternity! If you ’ d like to follow me…'' 

