[ WP ] You answered that giraffes were extinct on a school test , and failed the test by one point . Instead of retaking the test , you 've decided to take it upon yourself to make your answer correct .

`` The raid upon the Cleveland Zoo has been done, sir. The giraffes there have been exterminated, their meat thrown to wolves, and their pelts skinned and being furnished to be hung on your wall. Sir. ``, Captain Ping said in a matter-of-fact voice. He was my second-in-command, just due to his voice. Literally, that's all. He's not clever, he's not smart, he's not a good leader. His voice is just - so professional. Like, you could really hear this guy make a speech, you know? 
 
 `` Ah, good. That was the last zoo on the Western Hemisphere, yes? ``, I asked him. 
 
 `` Yes, the last one, sir. We're beginning to move our forces to Africa, where we'll be until spring, as our predictors said, sir. ``, Captain Ping answered in that professional deep voice. Oh, and I love that he calls me Sir. That's a plus. 
 
 `` Good. Now, shall we have a feast for our soldiers? They deserve some grub.'' 
 
 `` Yes, sir. The cooks will be informed, sir.'' 
 
 `` Good.'' 
 
 *** 
 
 The chatter of the soldiers around the cafeteria was the background here. The washing of plates and chewing mouths were the music. I sat upon my throne watching them all, as I began to stab my fork into roasted giraffe. Why giraffes? Stupid Mrs. Parker. In 6th grade, she took a point off a test I took because I answered giraffes were extinct. I did n't know at the time, I was only 12! Well, 15 years later, i'm proving her wrong! With some worthwhile volunteers, my deep-voiced companion Captain Ping, and our shipment of weapons, we've been able to make the giraffe get put on the endangered species list. Some say this is excessive, but is it really? I'm just proving that nasty bitc- 
 
 `` SIR, THERE'S INTRUDERS AT THE FRONT ENTRANCE! THEY'RE MAKING THEIR WAY DOWN HERE! ``, Captain Ping exclaimed aloud. The soldiers around us began to panic and run around. Hey, they were volunteers, I was n't paying them. I jumped from my chair and began running towards the exit. I was n't going to die today, I wasn't- 
 
 A hole was blown open on the left side. Hoards of soldiers began flooding in and making my troops surrender. Captain Ping dropped to the floor in a fearful state. This was confusing. I had the money to pay off the US military, but who was this? 
 
 `` This is the PETA private militia! Put your weapons down, and surrender immediately! ``, the voice exclaimed. 
 
 Wait a minute. I recognize that voice. I recognize that voice! But, who was it? Who was- wait. What the- 
 
 `` Mrs. Parker?!''
