[ WP ] Above all else , do not trust a word I say- Including this lettter .

*Dear Joseph John Parkinson, * 
 
 *I must preface this entire to letter by saying that you must, above all else, not trust a word I say, this letter not only included but especially. * 
 
 *I am going to visit Father at my dear late Mother's house that he also owns and lives in. So, really, I guess I'm going to stay at my Father's house. But I digress. * 
 
 *I am expecting a delivery from ~~Mattress King~~ an associate of mine. ~~It's another mattress I peed on my mine~~ You do n't need to know what it is; it is my business and mine alone. Just put it outside my bedroom door and* do not touch my fairy figurine collection. 
 
 *While I am gone, you must not use the fridge at all for anything. Why does n't really matter; let's just say that there was some unpleasantness involving your scented candles. Do n't open it until I get back. * 
 
 *I borrowed your phone charger yesterday, so if it's missing, do n't freak out. It's in my room but you can not, for any reason, go get it. If you go in my room you might die because I set up booby traps to keep my ex-girlfriend from taking her ~~underwear~~ thing back. * 
 
 *But if you ever get bored while I'm gone it would be great if you figure out how to get into my room without setting off my booby traps because I forgot if I left a way to. * 
 
 *Be careful of the trip wire I left in your bedroom ( for the ninjas ). * 
 
 *Sincerely, * 
 
 *your roommate, * 
 
 *Mark* 
 
 -- -- -- -- 
 
 `` What the fuck,'' Joseph whispered.
