[ WP ] You 're on a first date and its going very well until you make a huge mistake . You somehow get a sign from future you telling you that this person is `` the one '' . Do n't screw it up .

``... I mean, I tried to stop the bleeding but it just kept coming, and that was the last time I played football.'' 
 
 She's laughing. It's nervous laughter, at best she's pitying me but it's still laughter. Maybe the football story was n't a good idea. Blood is n't cute, I need cute. Maybe it worked but she's into the smooth talking, successful type. Smooth talking, successful people dont break their nose playing friendly sports with children at a wedding. What if she's realised we have nothing in common? Does she like the bands I like? What about films? Would she even like'Office Space'? 
 
 `` So...'' 
 
 `` So?'' 
 
 ``... I'm gon na go to the bathroom real quick.'' She says, and stands. She left her bag and coat, so she is n't running. That's good. When she's far enough away I release an audible sigh, I notice a smug glance coming from one of the waiters. What other stories do I have? There's the camp stomach bug story, but I have a feeling I've worked the bodily functions topic to death. 
 
 I wonder why I'm still here, whether I'd just hallucinating time slowing down and a much more handsome version of myself telling me I ca n't mess this up. He had a beard, maybe I should grow a beard and call her back - and that tattoo! What the hell even was that? She's coming back from the bathroom, oh God I have to talk again! 
 
 `` Hey, sorry I was so long again. Quite a line.'' Is this conversation? Do I reply to this? 
 
 `` How was it?'' I ask, instantly regretting it. She seems weirded out. 
 
 `` How was it? What, since I last went?'' 
 
 `` The bathroom, I mean.'' I do n't know what I mean. I've gone too far to come back now, the bathroom conversation is happening. I'm talking about bathrooms to a date. `` I've only seen the mens ones and they were okay. I mean how good is a bathroom is when there's one of those guys there watching you go? It's like I'm paying to have stage fright. Not that I get stage fright! I'm comfortable with my body and other people seeing it.'' I hastily add `` Not that he saw it!'' 
 
 I pick up my drink and take a taste of my awkward defeat. I'm not sure whether she heard me since she just seems to be staring at me, I should repeat myself. She's the one... she wo n't mind, right? 
 
 `` I said-'' 
 
 `` Yeah I heard what you said. Look, I like you okay? I do n't go on dates with guys I did n't like but, dude, you are just killing yourself here. I'm a nice person but I ca n't have a dinner date if you're this weird.'' 
 
 She seems genuinely sorry. 
 
 `` Can I be honest with you?'' 
 
 `` Sure.'' She stares at me once more, expectantly now. I relish in her interest. 
 
 `` So I know this might be weird and you might think I'm on drugs, or mentally ill, but I'm not - on drugs that is, and I do n't think I'm mentally ill...'' 
 
 Her eyes widen. 
 
 ``... I'm not mentally ill. But-'' I stop and look at her. She's beautiful, she's smart and above all else she's still here. If I ca n't impress her with honesty what can I impress her with? `` Time stopped my future self told me you were the one. That's why I'm so nervous, I was scared I'd somehow manage to mess things up with you. I realise this ironic.'' 
 
 `` Okay.'' She begins to drink. 
 
 `` Okay?'' 
 
 `` Why do you think I'm still here? After the third story about you getting your ass handed to you by children I was starting to think she was full of shit.'' 
 
 `` She?'' 
 
 `` My future self.'' She laughs. I laugh. 
 
 `` So what did she look like?'' I ask. 
 
 `` Darker hair, wears glasses, apparently I work out more in the future so I guess that's cool.'' 
 
 `` Mine had a beard and a tattoo.'' 
 
 `` I could see you with a beard.'' She smiles `` what was the tattoo? I had one too!'' 
 
 I try to remember. 
 
 `` It was small, but it was like a black snorlax under an umbrella.'' 
 
 Her eyes light up. 
 
 `` Hold on! Is it... this?'' From her bag she grabs her phone and unlocks it, sliding it in front of my face. I notice her wallpaper. 
 
 `` Yes! What is it?'' 
 
 `` It's from a film. My favourite film, actually,'My Neighbour Totoro'. Want to know what mine was?'' 
 
 `` Of course!'' I have n't thought about mentioning bodily fluids since she came back from the bathroom and currently have no obligation to do so. I feel relieved. I feel excited 
 
 `` It was a little red stapler.'' 
 
 
 
 

