[ WP ] `` God '' is actually two people : one who is omnipotent but not omniscient , and the other who is omniscient but not omnipotent . They both hate each other .

`` No... No no no... NO!'' 
 
 Come on, I thought we agreed to get over our differences... and at least try to tolerate each other. 
 
 Never! We will be over our differences when you are dead. And I have killed you. And I am happily dancing on your grave, with an attractive woman... and an award, for saving humanity, from your dullness. 
 
 You know that ca n't happen... were immortal. 
 
 Shut up. You think you're so smart do n't you, with your knowledge, and information about... every thing. God... Me! 
 
 And me... 
 
 No... you are not god. You are just a boring tumor that is apparently inoperable... you are my curse; you are my cancer... you're my cursor. 
 
 Come on, why do you have to be like that? I thought our time on earth really helped us to understand each other better and get some needed perspective... do n't you? 
 
 No. I hated it. It sucked, and you suck. 
 
 Well I actually enjoyed it... except for getting divorced. 
 
 Yeah, what a loser. 
 
 Hey... c'mon that hurts. 
 
 Good. 
 
 I thought you had a good time. You seemed to get along with every one and you even met some women who seemed to really like you. I know I enjoyed my time there... for the most part. 
 
 
 Good! You can go back! I'll stay here, you can go back, and we do n't have to ever see each other ever again! I will help you get your stuff. 
 
... We're God... we do n't have stuff... and you know we ca n't exist in different plains at the same time... we are the same being, just two different minds... two sides of the same coin... ( the same rusty coin ) 
 
 That is not true! 
 
 Yes, it is. 
 
 Oh how would you know? 
 
 I'm omniscient... 
 
 Well I'm omimpotent! And I never saw you learn that anywhere! I would know! 
 
... ok look, obviously were just back to where we were before we ever left and became human. So maybe we should try talking for once about why you... we ca n't stand m- each other. 
 
 So you admit you ca n't stand me! 
 
 No, I- 
 
 I always knew you hated me... Satan! 
 
 Im not Satan! 
 
 Yes you are! You're my opposite, and every one knows the opposite of God is the Devil, hair go, you are the Devil. 
 
 That's not how this works, that's just how humans need to think about us because the truth would just confuse them. 
 
 Well I'm not confused about anything! 
 
 ( I beg to differ ) 
 
 What was that? 
 
 Nothing, go on. 
 
 No you go on. You go on your merry way right back to Earth, or hell, where ever you feel more comfortable. 
 
 
 listen... I know you miss her... 
 
... 
 
 I know you wish you could be with her, and that you still think she was the one that got away. 
 
 Shut up. 
 
 But the truth is that you could never be with any one down there. It would never work, and that's why it never did work, for either of us. We were meant to work out our differences, not find romance. 
 
 You do n't have any clue what you're talking about. 
 
... Omniscient. 
 
 Well I do n't care about your emissions! What I had was real and now I'll never be able to have love ever again! And I blame you. At least you got married... oh but wait, I forgot, you screwed that up did n't you? 
 
... 
 
 Yeah... you did. You should probably kill yourself, actually. I think that might help you get over our `` differences''. 
 
 Again, were immortal. 
 
 Well someone forgot to tell me apparently! 
 
 I know you have memory issues. It's not your fault. 
 
 Oh thank you Mr Rogers! Please tell me, what else is n't my fault? Oh, and can I get a hug? 
 
 This is n't getting us anywhere. It never does. It never will. I do n't know why we ca n't get along... well, I mean I do. I know every thing... but- 
 
 Yeah, exactly, you are a know it all. A stupid, dumb, know it all. 
 
 That does n't even... never mind. 
 
 Tell me something Mr. Dumb Stupid Know It All, if you knew it was n't going to work, why did you even suggest going to Earth? 
 
 I did n't. It was you're idea. You're always everywhere at the same time. You said it made you feel scatter brained so you wanted some time in one place for a change. I did n't think it was a terrible idea so I went along. 
 
 I do n't remember that. 
 
 You do n't remember things too well. Eternity without omniscience can lead to- 
 
 Blah blah blah... Me! Do n't you ever shut up! This is why we do n't get along! You talk so *much*! 
 
 Actually the percentage of time I talk compared to you is actually... 
 
 Blah blah blah! 
 
 Never mind. It does n't matter. It wo n't matter. Maybe we should try to think of something different, something I do n't know yet. Something new. 
 
 
 Something you do n't know... hmmm... that would be... Everything! 
 
 You know, you can be a real child some times. 
 
 And you're a boring old man! 
 
 I know. That's what our eternal states essentially are. That's why we do n't get along. And probably never will. 
 
 Well old man I think you need to take your pills and take a nap. A nice long nap. Maybe one you wo n't wake up from... 
 
... ok, look, let's just do what we've always done. I'll stay on my side of the universe, and you can stay on yours. That's what we did on Earth anyways. You worked on your side of the office, and I worked on mine. You got to run things even. You love to run things. I'll even let you run things for a while on a new planet I've started. Brand new life, just starting to get going. You can encourage them, make them happy, motivate them. I know you're a good motivator. When... if things get out of hand I'll step in and make sure every thing is ok and following the rules. 
 
 You started new life? 
 
 Yeah, I thought it was time for a change and that we could both use something to distract us, at least for a few hundred millennia. It should n't be too hard. They're barely started and you just need to make sure they work together and procreate enough to get the numbers up, then I'll take over. 
 
 Fine. I agree to go along with your stupid idea because I will make it not stupid. 
 
 Great. Oh and I thought you could use some company, so I decided to go get some soul's you might remember... Pam, Jim, thanks for agreeing to take some time out to help with the new recruits... ( and remember, if at any point in time you've had enough, just whisper to me, I'll switch you out with some lookalikes and he'll never know ) 
 
 Pam! Jim! You guys are here! I'm so glad you did n't get roasted! You know, because of the baby out of wedlock... not that I care, but old mister not fun over there has a stick up his butt a out these things... 
 
 Ok, guys just look out for the new life and then once they've achieved farming you can come get me and- 
 
 Yeah yeah yeah! We know! C'mon guys, we have so much to catch up on! Oh this is gon na be great!
