[ WP ] God decides to judge humanity one final time before the Apocalypse , so he opens a retail shop to observe them from a cashier 's perspective .

*Scene 1:'Gates of Pearl' retail outlet in Manesquan, NJ. Cashiers Michael and Gabe are manning the store, which sells boutique arts and crafts. A single customer is milling about. * 
 
 **Michael: ** You look hungover. 
 
 **Gabe: ** I'm not hungover, I'm sick. And stop being loud. 
 
 **Michael: ** Bullshit! And I'm not loud, you're hungover! 
 
 **Gabe: ** Loud, Michael! Loud and swearing! Besides, you have no proof. 
 
 **Michael: ** Let's see... you smell like a hookah bar, bad microbews, a few shots of Southern Comfort... did... did you even shower? 
 
 **Gabe: ** I'm not obligated to answer that.... 
 
 **Michael: ** Boss is n't gon na be happy. 
 
 **Gabe: ** What Boss? Michael? It's just us. He's probably off doing saving puppies in like... I do n't know... Syria or somethig. 
 
 **Michael: ** That's super offensive, Gabe. 
 
 **Gabe: ** OK so saving stray cats, what do you want from me? I've got like... fifteen trumpets worth of headache right now. 
 
 **Michael: ** No I mean Syria! You ca n't just joke about something like that! 
 
 **Gabe: ** Michael, loud again. 
 
 **Michael: ** No, Gabe, fuck your hangover! Were supposed to be setting an example here and you're just... just... 
 
 **Customer: **Making offensive and derisive comments in light of an unfortunate situation and showing totl callousness towards those marginalized people who need the most help? 
 
 **Michael: ** Exactly! Thank you! Wait... what...? 
 
 **Customer: ** I'm a social justice and gender studies major. That's pretty much the answer to everything I do. By the way how much for the mason jars? 
 
 **Gabe: ** * [ holding his head, face down on the counter ] * Two for ten bucks 
 
 * [ Customer opens her wallet ] * 
 
 **Customer 1** Sorry I'm kind of light. Can I pay you back next week? 
 
 [ Michael points to a sign that says `` WE ARE NOT A BAR, DO NOT ASK US FOR FREE STUFF'' 
 
 **Customer: ** * [ huff ] * Patriarchial fucks... * [ storms out of the store ] * 
 
 **Michael: ** * [ watches her storm off ] * Why are we doing this again? 
 
 **Gabe: ** Setting an example, my friend. Just like you said. 
 
 **Michael: ** [ ponders this ] You know what, that was actually kind of wise, Gabe. I'm surprised at -- 
 
 **Gabe: ** If I puke, will the Boss be mad if I puke over the yarn stuff? 
 
 **Michael: ** The fuck? No! No you ca n't puke on the yarn stuff? What the hell is wrong with you?? 
 
 **Gabe: ** Michael, why the hell are you so loud? 
 
 * [ Scene ] *
