[ WP ] After Astronaut Capt . Scott Kelly returns to earth following a 340-day stretch at the ISS , NASA receives a distress signal from the ISS ... from Capt . Scott Kelly .

Paul Lowell dropped an empty bottle into the trash and picked up the last of the champagne glasses from Mission Control's celebration. It's traditional to break out the bubbly whenever an astronaut is confirmed returned to terra firma, and this one was particularly special. Not just because of how long Capt. Kelly had been in orbit, because it had gotten touch and go for a little while during the initial descent. As the new guy on the totem pole, Paul had gotten stuck with cleanup duty. The command center at Canaveral had taken over the shift for a while so the boys here in Houston could relax. 
 
 In a dark and forgotten corner of the room, the old CB radio crackled to life, and a low whisper came from its dust-covered speakers. `` Mission control, this is ISS. do you copy?'' 
 
 Paul smirked. Someone must have turned it on as a joke during the party. The CB radio had been a redundant communication channel even back when Skylab was in the air. And from where he stood, Paul could see the green lights across the board, showing every system nominal. 
 
 `` Mission control, come in. This is Capt. Kelly on board ISS. This is an URGENT transmission.'' 
 
 *Of course, * Paul realized. Hazing of the new guy; he'd expected it at some point. No wonder everyone else on the Mission Control team had *insisted* that he be the one to stay late to clean up. He picked up the receiver and clicked the `` transmit'' button. `` Very funny, guys. Ha ha. Where are you? Telemetry lab?'' 
 
 `` Hello?'' It certainly did sound like Capt. Kelly's voice coming in, but he was currently on a 747 making its way back to the U.S. from Kazakhstan. `` Mission control, do you read me? This is Capt. Kelly. This is a Priority One transmission, top secret. The ISS has been compromised.'' 
 
 `` Leon, is that you?'' Paul asked. `` You do a hell of an impression, man. After spending so much time on the comms you must have gotten the voice down pat.'' 
 
 The sound of something being smashed to pieces came through on the other end. `` Damn it!'' the voice shouted into the radio. `` This is n't a prank. Whoever the fuck you are, this is Capt. Scott Kelly. I need to speak to the current flight director *immediately*. Before whatever that thing is gets back from Kazakhstan and has a chance to infect you all.'' 
 
 `` Very funny, guys. I've got to get back to my cleaning now.'' Paul dropped the receiver and took a step away before the radio crackled to life again. 
 
 `` I can prove it,'' the voice whispered. `` Watch the radiological alarm in the Zarya module.'' The radio fell silent again... and sure enough, a second later, the tinny alarm began to squawk from the atmospheric monitoring desk. Something radioactive had just been unleashed on ISS. 
 
 `` I cracked open one of our isotope experiments,'' the voice on the radio explained. 
 
 It could n't be Capt. Kelly, Paul told himself. He had watched the landing. He saw the Captain step out of the lander and wave to the cameras, along with the Russian cosmonauts. He had been in the room when the landing was confirmed. It was n't possible. `` OK,'' Paul said, trying to think of a good test. `` How about you... set off the fire alarm in the lab module.'' 
 
 The voice on the radio was silent, just long enough for Paul to conclude that he'd been right. This had been a prank all along. And then an alarm blared from another desk, showing a fire in the lab module. Paul snapped on the ISS cameras, which were strung in every room so that the astronauts could be monitored at every moment. Capt. Kelly was n't visible anywhere on the screen; Kopra and his cosmonaut companions looked to be sleeping in their bunks. 
 
 `` If you're looking at the cameras, they are rigged,'' the voice said. *How had he known? * Paul took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. Naturally whoever was up there would just assume the cameras were on. `` It's a pre-recorded loop. Please. You need to get me the flight commander *immediately*, while the imposters can still be quarantined.'' 
 
 `` *Quarantined*?'' Paul asked. `` What the hell is going on?'' 
 
 There was a brief silence on the other end. `` I wish I knew. I've been asking that since we were first boarded.'' 
 
 `` *Boarded*?!'' Paul shouted. Had to be a prank. Maybe the astronauts on the station were on board. That would be some pretty damn elaborate hazing. 
 
 `` Please,'' Capt. Kelly's voice begged. `` I can explain. But I need you to get the flight commander and bring him in. We ca n't use the normal communication channels. *Please. *'' 
 
 Paul hesitated. If he bothered the Flight Commander for a prank, that would be the absolute end of his career at NASA. But if it was n't a prank... 
 
 `` We do n't have time,'' Capt. Kelly said. `` It will be landing in a few hours, and then it's all over. Get me the commander *now*.'' 
 
 Paul took a deep breath, and reached for the phone.
