[ WP ] Write the witness statement of an inanimate object used in the committing of a crime

`` You're barkin' up the wrong tree here pal... I do n't know nuttin' about that hit, swear it on my dear ma's grave. I'll tell you what though, whole thing's a damn shame. Jameson was a real stand-up guy, ya know... everyone loved him. Guy had enemies though, ca n't make it big in this town without makin' a couple a' those... trust me, I know. Jay was n't the kind of guy to hold his tongue; fella had a hard time knowing when to shut his yap, get me? Only a matter of time before he pissed off the wrong guy.'' 
 
 `` Please sir, we just need you to account for your whereabouts last night?'' 
 
 `` My whereabouts?! I was at the Blue Moon Club all night, not that it's any a' your damn business! This is really insulting, you clowns draggin' me down here like some hood rat. I been servin' this community for 30 years and I think I've earned a little fuckin' respect! For the last time, I'm a legitimate entertainer and swing music enthusiast. Ask anyone else an' they'll tell ya' the same thing. Any more dumb questions, you can take em' up with my attorney. I'm late for a tuning appointment.'' 
 
 
 -I'm a piano wire, used in a mob assassination.
