[ WP ] The year is 1945 , and the axis have won the war . you 're Hitler 's twin brother and you 've finally escaped from the cellar that he had you locked up in . Nobody knows you exist , you look exactly like your brother and now you must find a way to save the world from him .

*Oh, for fuck's sake. * 
 
 I knew Adolf was crazy, but ~~Jesus~~ Aryan Christ- he had killed the Jews? The gays? The Americans? 
 
 The newspaper scrap in midnight's breeze told me all I needed to know. He had done it. 
 
 I knew if he discovered me, he'd kill me. 
 
 And not quickly, either. No Zyklon-B for this *kleyn bruder. * 
 
 I'd be getting the works. 
 
 So, first order of business- kill him. 
 
 I slipped out the front door of the barn, taking in my surroundings. Honestly, I only left because the food stopped coming- I'd've been content to live out my pitiful life in there. 
 
 *Liechtenstein? Really? * 
 
 I thought about hitchhiking, but for someone who would soon be trying to pass as the leader of the `` free'' world, would that be a good idea? 
 
 I headed west to Berlin. No use in half-assing the takeover of the world, right? 
 
 After 3 hours and an unfortunate lack of squirrels, I realized there was no way that barn was as insecure as it looked- sure, maybe there was just a deadbolt and air-seal between me and freedom, but I was certain they'd have fairly regular checks on me. So, I doubled back and burned down the barn, hoping that whatever chemicals the crazy farmer kept in there would be enough incentive for them to not worry about the body. I trudged on, stopping briefly to readjust the sole of my boot. 
 
 I realized that at least 8 hours had passed since I left the barn and all I had noticed 
 was a slight lightening of the sky, from black to gray. With a growing sense of unease, I worked my way back to the road, where I saw a car driving down. I knew it would have to slow down to turn, and I figured that I could flag it down then. 
 
 They did slow, but the door suddenly popped open and I was surrounded by three men, bristling with guns. I slowly raised my hands to my head, and as one patted me down- I had only thought to bring my makeshift knife, luckily- the other one talked. 
 
 `` So how'd you survive?'' The big one asked. He had a face like a radish with bad plumbing, or maybe a grape with eye cancer. 
 
...'' What?'' I asked. I was blindsided that people knew about my confinement, and almost as shocked that no one had tried to help- although, I realized, there was no way to know where I was. 
 
 `` I mean, I was a prepper, and I was in the shelter when-'' 
 
 `` Wait a minute.'' This from the smaller one. `` Look at his face! *Look at his fucking face! *'' He was nearly screaming now. 
 
 The big one did n't even say anything. He just motioned the third one to do something, which turned out to be stun me with a punch. 
 
 Before I knew it, I was bound at the wrists and ankles with a gag in my mouth and all of my limbs broken. 
 
 `` Just let him die,'' the small one groused. `` Fucking Hitler. Starts a nuclear war and tries to ask for help from us.'' 
 
 *Oh, for fuck's sake. * 
 
 
 
 

