[ WP ] The zombie apocalypse has occurred , but they are so slow and stupid that society remains unchanged , and they are more of a nuisance than a threat

`` Yes, we'll be out there in a minute... No, this wo n't cost you if your insurance is on order... Now if you just send over your details, thank you'' Joseph put down the phone and yawned. Every time, right before closing they had to call. He supposed he ought to have expected it, but -despite the good pay and interesting work- he wished he did n't work in a career where Friday nights almost always turned into bloodbaths. 
 
 When he pulled his van into the pub car park he was greeted by the typical scene. Fence littered with intestines, blood staining the grass... but clean up would have to wait. Still the sheer amount of necrotic flesh suggested it was going to be a long night. Typical. 
 
 `` If you are currently attempting to fight the horde could you please gently place down your weapons and step away... unless you want to fill out the paper work when you get shot'' The exterminator hailed, as a legal precaution, while his donned rubber gloves and loaded his shotgun. He was answered by a few panicked cries and drunken laughter. 
 
 Now for the fun part; Joseph took out a small bottle of fake blood and dripped some on his the gravel. Immediately he was rewarded by a shambling mass of rotting bodies climbing out of the second floor windows, the first drawn to the sight of fresh blood, and others assuming that there must be something good eat if there was movement in the crowd. An old lady with, Joseph noted, a seemingly appetising toy dog still stuck in her teeth, teetered on the edge of the windowsill before, whether pushed by the crowd inside, or destabilised her diseased ears no longer affording balance, somersaulting headfirst in a well executed swan dive, her neck making an extremely satisfying crunch as she landed. 
 
 Surprisingly she was not killed by this, and started to rise up, her head hanging in front of her chest like a really, really badly marionette, the sort a 5 year would make in school if they could n't be bothered. Joseph took the time to open his thermos flask and take a swig on cheap milky tea. Then he aimed his shotgun and fired 
 
 He need n't have bothered, for as he did so the large windows gave ( despite being open enough for the undead to crawl through, most had chosen to repeatedly walk into them, until the broke ), and a couple of dull thuds accompanied the older zombie's head being knocked all the way off as each festering corpses crushed the previous one to fall out. 
 
 If Joseph had been a the sort of man to write poetry he was sure it could have been a metaphor for something in a short piece, or at very least a simile, but as he did n't, he supposed he'd have to settle for puzzling out the mechanics behind it. In the 5 minutes it took for him to remember the fluid dynamics he'd failed in university, setting of the chain of events that lead him to this menial job, most of the zombies had succeeded in killing each other. 
 
 It was an impressive haul, granted, and he was considering that it might even qualify him for a top grade pay from the contractors, when he felt a dull pain on his ankle. Looking down he saw the same old lady's head gnawing at his food, drawing blood, rather irritatingly. He looked at the fence, crouched slightly and pulled off a kick he was sure could have made a rugby player proud. and then sighed as he inspected the wound, casually pumping lead into the crowd; she had definitely got slavia in the wound, which meant he was infected. 
 
 `` Yeah, this is Joseph,'' he spoke into his phone `` look I know the client said it would be an easier job, but there was more of them than they said so surely this wo n't go on my record? Right?'' 
 ``...'' 
 `` Whadya mean I should have been more careful, she looked dead... more dead, I mean?'' 
 ``...'' 
 `` Fine I'll pay for the new suit myself, but you know I wo n't be able to work with a cold... so do n't expect me in on Monday, is all'' 
 
 Then the exterminator finished off his tea, and pulled out his mop, already feeling drips of snot running from his nose. 
 
 

