[ WP ] Yesterday , the world heard an announcement that a massive asteroid would hit the earth today . Only it did n't , and now everyone is feeling super awkward .

I always thought it was hokey, that idea of living like it's your last day. I was always a cynical piece of shit. I believed that if you knew that a day was your last day, you were more liable to start a riot or just cry constantly in the fetal position than actually do anything meaningful with your life. 
 
 But you never really know how something's going to feel until you go through it. We're all stuck in our own heads that way. So when the day came, when I woke up to that post stickied at the top of reddit, I did n't react the way a movie character would react. 
 
 The first thing I did was double check that it was n't April Fools day, obviously. I told you I'm a cynical piece of shit. When I was sure that it was real, I called my mom. We held an impromptu family reunion in the park. I do n't know what happened, but it just kept growing. My mom and dad invited their siblings, but then their siblings invited their spouses' families, and so on, until there was a huge crowd of people I had basically no relation to. We sat around drinking and told stories and played cards at the table. An ex-girlfriend showed up at some point to apologize to me. I guess that's what she was doing with her day, just making amends. I told her that I forgave her. I did n't really, but it felt like the thing to do. 
 
 Some people from one of the local churches came out and passed out candles to everyone when it started getting dark. Some of us chilled in a circle and listened to the hymns. I've never really believed in that stuff, but the songs were nice anyway. 
 
 I ca n't pretend like I did n't have sex `` one last time''. One of my co-workers hit me up with a text and I'm a hotblooded American male. But it was nice. It was gentle and we cuddled afterwards. You know, that sappy shit. She was n't on good terms with her family and did n't have any plans, so I invited her back to the park. A bunch of my family had a campfire set up. We fell asleep there, her head on my chest. I remember my mom kissing my forehead as I was drifting off. 
 
 I woke up dirty. Literally, covered in dirt. That's what happens when you fall asleep in a park. All around me, people were confused. My coworker was gone. I found her sitting on a bench, speaking on her phone. She looked up at me when she hung up, eyes shining with anger. 
 
 `` They got it *wrong! *'' I'd never seen her angry before. She had always been kind of a doormat. `` It MISSED US! They announced to the entire world that it was going to hit and it fucking MISSED US!'' 
 
 ``... Shit.'' I did n't know what to say. `` Wow. What the fuck?'' 
 
 She ranted about how irresponsible it was for them to do this, but I was distracted by how confident she seemed. She'd given something up, expecting the end. We all had. I'd given up some of my bravado and let myself be soft. She'd let go of her fear and become confident. 
 
 `` Hey.'' I interjected, when she paused to take a breath. `` You're right, this is totally inexcusable, but if the world's really not gon na end... do you want to get dinner with me tonight or something?'' 
 
 It did n't work out between us, not in the long run. She was too nice, I was still a cynical piece of shit. But things ended on good terms. 
 
 That's kind of the crux of it, of everything that happened after that day. When the world `` ended'', it ended on good terms. Not for everyone, but for most people. People spent that day with their family, or thinking about the good they could have done. They connected with their fellow man. The truly unhappy people killed themselves ahead of time or when they found out it was n't coming. So the world that was left behind was... softer. More empathetic. Slower to judge. 
 
 It ca n't last forever. Two years have passed now and I can already feel it dying out, the rhetoric becoming hateful and vitriolic again. But I still think it was for the best. 
 
 Sometimes people need to actually be faced with the capital-e End before they're going to change. People are dumb that way. 
 
 Anyway, this is all just to say that I disagree with giving those astronomers the death penalty.
