[ WP ] God shows you 3 Doors . Door One leads to eternal happiness , Door Two leads to infinite knowledge . Then there is Door Three , and God has never opened it yet .

'About time' 
 
 I thought as the heavy set oak doors swung open to reveal the Throne room. I had been in Heaven for a little over an infinity and a half, and finally my turn had come; it was time for an audience with God. I was n't complaining or anything, this place was great, but after half an infinity it was starting to get a little boring, I had done and seen everything in the joint. I had gone to the fountain of caramelized chocolate upvotes a million times; I kinda preferred the water fountain by now. 
 
 I had seen him around, he was practically everywhere; reading books in elementary school for little angel kids, cutting ribbons, making speeches and promising increase rates of orgasms. Being God was n't much different from being a mayor up for reelection. One would think that being in office for time immemorial would ensure him keeping his seat, but I suppose there's no telling in politics. I mean recent polls showed that the only other candidate had crept on God, but that was just the residents of Heaven fucking with God, wanting him to sweat a little I guess, after all who would want Satan running things up here, he was doing a shit poor job in his current district; it was literally hell down there. 
 
 Anyways I walked through the imposing doors, and into what was surprisingly a very small office, It was cramped with posters, buttons and banners depicting God with his fake golden dyed white mustache, and his even faker smile, assuring you to trust him, but his eyes; his eyes were begging, pleading you to trust him. He must really want to remain God. As I got over my initial surprise of the cramped political headquarters of the All Powerful, I saw him sat behind a light heavenly white desk covered with towers of paperwork. I could n't really see him, but I saw his obnoxious halo from atop the papers. 
 
'Your mothers obnoxious' 
 
 Thundered a whisper from everywhere. 
 
 Shit I had forgotten he could read my tho... 
 
'Yes, Yes I can, everyone forgets. They also forget who built this place in the first place.' 
 
 Who was it again? I thought. 
 
 God stepped from behind the desk and gave me a death glare from the depths of Heaven itself. I was n't phased. I was already dead. 
 
'Listen you're here because you have a choice to make' Explained God, he clearly did n't have time to play any games.'There in the corner are two doors, one leading to happiness and stuff, and the other to knowledge and more stuff. Open one, walk through it and goodbye. I have to kiss a shit ton of babies, Satan is driving me mad, thinks he can just waltz in here and take over? HA I'l show him, he cant even go near a baby, thinks he'll just drop them or something, what sort of a Go...' 
 
 I tuned him out and examined the identical doors God had pointed at, they were right next to each other on the far side of the office. As I walked over I could see the labels on them; door 1 was Happiness and door 2 was Knowledge. I was about to walk through Happiness when I turned round to take one last look at God with his head bent over still droning on about how Satan was divorced or something, that's when I spotted the third door. It looked out of place, it was n't white for starters, it was dusty not-quite-wooden-but-pretty-wooden-like brown and it had a nailed sign that read'Janitor'. 
 
 Wait, there were no Janitors in Heaven. 
 
'What was that?' boomed God 
 
 O nothing, I was just thinking how Satan would be lucky to get the janitor post here. 
 
'Ya I know right? his place is a mess every time I go there, body parts lying around, you would think he grew up without a mothe..' 
 
 I tuned him out again and slowly made my way to the far side of the room. Before pushing the door open I looked back to see God, he had stopped thunder ranting now, his mouth was a gap, and a look of divine petrified confusion was fixed on his stupid mustached face. I sprinted. 
 
 Next thing I knew I was standing on a podium, making a speech to what must have been millions of people, everyone of them holding a picture my grinning face face with the caption'A clean shaven God your babies would n't mind being kissed by' 
 
 I won by a landslide that infinity. 
 
 
 
 Edit: Words and stuff 
 
 

