[ WP ] The weirdest suicide note ever

`` Dear Charles, 
 I see no point in mincing words, I have nothing left to live for. The French refer to the sensation of life having meaning as joie de vivre, the joy of life, and it has completely left me, although I question whether I deserve to have ever possessed it in the first place. Joie De Vivre. I was thirty when I first learned to pronounce it correctly, it's not actually pronounced with a hard `` V'' sounds like `` Viper'', instead you kinda say it like Jewah deh Vee, or maybe Jwahduhvee. To be honest I've only gotten pointed in the right direction of how to pronounce it, I do n't know if I've ever been told the exact, proper pronunciation. Maybe I could never pronounce it, maybe I'm defective, or maybe the truth as a concept is a lie in and of itself. Maybe the french people are wrong about how to speak french. Maybe there's nothing out there, and the hints that we see around us that point to a beauty, a higher sphere, are just illusions. Joie de vivre. I find the french word for joy to be really weird too in all honesty, it's just so non-percussive in its pronunciation, like a diarrhea made of vowels. I hate to sound culturally insensitive or whatever but it's not that hard to theorize that the reason french people have a reputation for being such snobs is that they've never had to properly pronounce a consonant in their life. They probably developed their stupid syrup language while they were all drunk off their asses, and I'm pretty sure they're always drunk off their asses, stupid wine-heads. Sorry I'm rambling Charles I've just been really stressed lately, thus the upcoming suicide. I know you're French so this is probably kinda offending you, you do drink a lot of wine so maybe I should n't have included that part in there. At the same time I think I'm gon na just leave it in there, maybe it'll make you reevaluate your life, think about your habits a little more. No man is an island Charles, you do a lot of good just by being around, you're worth does n't only lie in the sensations and emotions you experience, as unpleasant as they may be. I do n't know where I'm going with this, but what I just said really applies to you, not so much to me though, I actually am an island. The metaphor is apt. Apt is a good word, definitely not French sounding at all. Anyways, Charles, by the time you read this I'll surely be gone, I'm going to run an extension cord from the bathroom all the way to the garage, and I'm going to sit in my car and run the blow dryer until the carbon monoxide overwhelms my lungs and I pass on into nothingness or something better. Away from the French, except for you you're a cool Frenchman, but I will be away from you too now that I think about it. Farewell Charles, you were a pretty good lawyer but honestly I think I was better. You're still pretty good at law though.''
