[ WP ] Every person in the world undergoes a `` goodness '' test . It 's designed to give a score from 1 to 200 , where 1 is pure evil , and 200 is an angel in human body . Then the world is divided into 200 zones , where people can live among their own kind .

I thought I treated people well. I mean, I work really hard at it, really hard. I am what you would call `` depressed'', though I would classify it as `` crippling anxiety which brings about depression from a mountain of doubt''. Despite this I treat my fellow person with respect. I ask if people need help, I've fallen into that antiquated habit of saying `` bless you'' when someone sneezes, blame my grandfather. I genuinely believe in the best of people, and if I see a stranger who looks like they're having a hard time, I ask if they need help. I like people, and I think of my fellow citizen as someone who's awesome until they prove to me otherwise. It's hard sometimes. I cry a lot. I still think something is wrong with me because people are mean to me. I do n't know what I did, or what I do, but I try really hard. My ex ( who I kinda wanted to spend the rest of my life ) told me there is n't a bad bone in my body, and I was like dude then why are you walking out on me? Oh yeah, depression and anxiety turned into a husk of a human being who stopped living and had to get on USI to keep himself above ground. There's nothing wrong with USI, I just did n't think it was right for me and boy was I right. I felt like shit when I was on USI, but I still smiled in public, and spent my time at home feeling awful. 
 
 It's selfish to say I did n't get a fair shake, I'm educated, just fucked up in the brain. Doctors ca n't figure it out. What fucking year is it, the 2010s when the mentally ill were ostracised and not offered help? No, we're beyond that, but my head is still fucked up. I just lie now. I've gotten good at it. I know how to tell the doctors what they want to hear. If I do n't they'll take all of my free time, and despite being social and enjoying spending time with others, I need my me time. I need my quiet and serenity, not sitting in a M3RI seat ( Microscopic Level Miniature Magnetic Resonance Imager ) while doctors tell me `` yeah you're all fucked up, we ca n't figure it out, try out this pill''. It's better for me to tell them it works. At least it makes them feel better. 
 
 I got really bad for a while. I wrote a suicide note once, ( twice, I guess. The first one stayed in an encrypted folder on my Personal Network Device. It's still on here ). That was fucked up. When people are mean to me I go home and I cry. No one expects that out of the dude who's 196cm and weighs 100kg. I think people expect something different out of me. Like, check out this big dude, surely he can take a lot of shit, so let's pile it on. It does n't help, but I've gotten so good at pretending no one knows how bad it is. Medicine is so great now, why am I so fucked up? 
 
 I kinda stopped being a person for a bit. I gave up on my trades, and got really depressed when Ilford stopped making film. Their 200th anniversary was nearing, and I knew they were n't going to make it. I so badly wanted to see them make it, but it was n't going to happen. I knew they were down to one run per year, and despite their best efforts to keep the machines in good shape, once a year was n't enough. My zen was making photographs and developing film, when that was taken away from me, guess what? I cried some more. I still have a box of film in climate controlled food storage, but I do n't have any way to develop it any more. I ca n't bring myself to make the chemicals myself. I'm heart broken at the thought that I'll never get to use that film, but I hold on to it. I tucked it away because I hate seeing it. I well up and get a lump in my throat when I see it. Have I mentioned I cry a lot? It's weird. I'm weird. Am I though? I feel nominal. I think the person who says `` I feel nominal'' is n't normal. 
 
 So I gave up for a while. I never wanted to make use of Universal Sustainable Income, but it was that, the streets, or the ground. Even ending up in the streets would have put me in the ground. I'd get some Career Retraining Initiative bullshit, and when Chancellor Maes was elected, I knew CRI's were bullshit. I know, every 19 year old thinks they know what's up, but their idea of career retraining is to give the homeless a place to live, a shitload of meds, and to train them on something bullshit like sitting in a room at an instant food joint and watching the automatons make things. They're all self sustaining, even the modules that fix the other modules have modules that fix themselves. Sit there watching monitors for 8 hours ( with a two hour meal and exercise break ), then get a lift home. That's not a way to live, also those meds do n't work on me. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?! Fucking why?! I do n't care pump me full of whatever that makes me feel good I do n't give a shit. I only got another 110 years in me at best, maybe 120, 130 with pending advances in medicine, that is way too short a time to feel awful. 110 is wishful thinking. 
 
 But I did it anyway. I got on USI, and in governance housing. It was n't bad. I just hated taking the handout because I felt like I was leaning on someone, or something. Most of this stems from the fact that only 1.8 % of the population is bigger than me. I'm not even on Metabolite Reuptake Inhibitors and somehow I'm a fucking beast of a human being. That antiquated idea of big people = tough people is still around. I fake it. I'm a big softy. Guess what I do when I go home? 
 
 I'm digressing. Like I was broken and I needed USI to fix myself. Once I got over that I started working on my one trade that's still a viable skillset; cooking. I like to make food and I like to eat food. I am awesome at it. My live-in partner was perplexed when I was having fresh food ingredients delivered, and amazed at how much better it is than the pre-pared shit most people eat. Okay it's not that much better, we've gotten pretty good at making awesome food that can be stored then heated up within 30 seconds, but still, the human element adds something. Once you start cooking for yourself it's hard to go back to the pre-pared shit. 
 
 When elections for our new Collective Chancellor started, I was concerned. `` A society for everyone'' is what Olsen preached. I did the prequalifying tests they had set up. I did n't want to be sequestered into the high 170s or low 180s, I want to be able to help out those who think differently than me. Whether it's a conversation, a meal, an NSR ( Neurologically Simulated Reality ) game, I like my fellow person. I have a thing for NSR games with antique PPVs ( Petrol Powered Vehicles ). They stopped being developed about 15 years ago, and it's janky getting them to work with new interfaces, but you can. Most people get a kick out of them. 
 
 I did n't want to lose the opportunity to understand those who thought differently than me. I do n't give a shit that I was told I'd be 176-182. What about my partner? Where would they end up? What about what few friends I have? What about all the regulars at the restaurant who I knew were salty? I did n't hold it against them, I just wanted to understand why. I do n't want that to be taken away from me. I was heartbroken at the thought of all the misunderstood people who are going end up in the 100s or lower. When I took the prequalifier it told me `` congratulations'', and that I was in the top 12 %. I never thought of people as good or bad, I always thought of us as having better or worse times in our life. Some of us are better at handling that than others, and I do n't hold that against them. I want to understand and help them. 
 
 I like to think the best of people. Chancellor Olsen was elected. Five years later, it's happening. We're turning the world into a fucked up dystopia. The nicest parts of the world are where the 190+ will live, it got worse from there. I know the living quarters for everyone have been homogenized and my grandfather told me people who lived in extreme poverty used to live literally 2kms away from people who lived in extreme wealth and excess. Now everything we have is more than good enough, but there's a difference between living in the rainforests of a place like Washington state in the Americas, and the hot hellholes that are the deserts of Australia. We figured out the energy problem shortly after I was born, so making a climate controlled environment for everyone was easy. It still broke my heart to know that some people who were just having a bad time for a while will be put in a shithole part of the world where going outside would be miserable. 
 
 I was born in a beautiful small coastal town in Washington, in the Americas. The state, not the whatever the hell Washington D.C. used to be. They had one of the last petroleum filling stations, in the country. I guess a lot of older PPV enthusiasts moved there. The beach is beautiful. It's where that ex who said there's no bad bone in my body is from. That person is my one regret in life. Anxiety and depression and becoming a husk of a person pushed them away. Their name means Guardian of the Sea. They cherish that town. They were the guardian of it. They still are, and they still are what help make it special. They showed me how special it was. Now it's much bigger. Too big for its own good. PPVs are illegal everywhere. The PPV community is gone. Now it's another homogenized coastal town for those who can watch over the AIs that make life in the 2090s possible. She's still there, she gets subsidized housing because her family used to be heavily involved in the community 150-200 years ago. I miss that town, and my Guardian of the Sea. It's been six years. Remember when I said I have one regret? 
 
 ***BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE***
