[ EU ] You are Dead . There is an afterlife after all , but God decides who goes to heaven or hell with a flip of a coin . You 're up next .

`` Heads or tails.... Heads or tails... I guess it's just like 50/50, right? Or is it slightly more likely to land on heads because of a little bit more metal on that side and gravity... 
 
 `` Right, right. We're in heaven, d'uh. No gravity. Silly me. Except, Mr Almighty, it's just that I'm not floating off the ground so I do n't think it was an unreasonable assumption that the laws of physics applied. Fuck. Sorry for swearing, big guy, not that it makes a difference. Heads or tails... Heads or tails... 
 
 `` Wait! Can I ask a question. So there's no gravity, what else is different? Like, flipping a coin is it still 50/50 chance? Or is one side more likely? Or, or is it like 50/70 due to weird mathematics I'll never understand? 
 
 `` It is 50/50? You do n't say. Huh. Damn. Okay. Heads or tails... Heads or tails... 
 
 `` You know I wish I was n't such a fucking nice guy. All of that for shit fuck all. I put up with her for 30 years just so I would n't piss You off. And the kids. Fucking sponges. Each fucking one of them a retirement fund; a retirement fund that looks you in the face and tells you it hates you then stops answering your calls unless it needs more cash. 
 
 `` Heads or tails... Shit, which one? 
 
 `` Oh and another thing! My job! Why did I stay in that shit hole my entire life? Grinding away my years and my *looks* and my health? I had to be a good man. Pay my way. Support the family. Have a nice big envelope stuffed full each Sunday at church. What a rort! 
 
 `` And my brother. I fucking cast him out of my home when I found out he lies with other men. My own brother. My family. I cast him out, I did n't want to: just because of you! Because YOU said so. I did everything you said. And now this shit? Heads or tails? 
 
 `` I read the whole fucking book. Chapter and verse. I memorised all the rules *specifically* to avoid a gamble at *precisely* this moment. 
 
 `` Shellfish. I did n't eat them even though supposedly we're allowed to now *just in case*. I could've found out what the fuss is about. 
 
 `` I could have left my wife the minute she began to tear me down and start again. 
 
 `` I could have told my kids to behave like adults or to get fucked or done whatever else I wanted of them. 
 
 `` My brother! The years I've lost with him. 
 
 `` All because I tried to be a *good man* and now you fucking tell me that trusting a bronze age book for my eternal soul was itself just a gamble? 
 
 `` I mean when you say it out loud, sure it does sound idiotic. I mean, clearly given this current situation I am the definition of an idiot. A wasted life, a dogmatic failure, my entire family hates me... All of it for you and now you ask me... Heads or tails? 
 
 `` I'm the butt of your joke! What an arse! What a rump I am! Tails! Tails it is. If I'm in shit might as well be at the tail end. Ha ha! 
 
 `` You Almighty Fucker. You joker. You put me through all that and even after passing every test that I was told there would be it's now down to a coin toss whether I get to spend eternity in pleasure or eternity in hell? Capricious much? 
 
 `` Yep, lock it in. Tails. I'm ready. 
 
 The coin arched through the cosmos, spinning axially. A dull thud of air at each rotation, spinning rapidly at first then slowing at the pinnacle of its flight then accelerating rotation again as it descends and recollects energy dispensed on ascent. It falls flat on the floor in front of the man with a'whoomp'. Out of the hands of the Eternal One, where the coin looked so small, the man can now appreciate it's true size before him. 
 
 Looking up at the man on the large face of the coin was the portrait of a grinning face, demonic and twisted. 
 
 `` Heads. Right. So was my tails call for heaven or for hell?''
