[ WP ] Typical day for a man whose looks make him irresistible to every female on Earth

The chorus of Lil Wayne's `` Pussy Monster'' starts abruptly from my alarm clock and wakes me up as usual. 7 am. Another day. 
 
 I turn on my phone. 17 missed calls. 33 text messages. Gina wants to know if I can come over to snuggle. Amanda is all about giving me some mind blowing head. Brittany says she's drunk and horny. I ca n't remember the last time I was able to sleep with my phone on. 
 
 I scratch my balls. Fuck. Still sore from whatever the hell Caroline did yesterday morning. Does she have a fucking cat's tongue or something? 
 
 I get dressed. Slacks. Button-up. Tie. The works. I really am not qualified for my job as a financial advisor. I cost my clients thousands of dollars daily, but they keep coming. Coming. 
 
 Work flies by. Mrs. Shively insists I start calling her Bertie. Hot. My boss bends over in front of my to pick up some non-existent piece of fluff from the floor. The outline of her panties is embossed on her rump of her pantsuit. 
 
 My secretary, Caroline, tries to give me a handjob under the desk. I tell her to stop and that I am still sore from yesterday, and all the yesterdays before that one actually. 
 
 She smiles and says she can kiss it better. It pains me to say no, but my penis pains me more right now. 
 
 5 pm. Quitting time. I could go to the bar to get some free drinks like I do most Wednesday nights, but I choose to just go home and make a DiGiorno pizza instead. 
 
 Ca n't believe this shit's not delivery. So good. 
 
 I watch some movie on Netflix and drink beer I paid for myself. I get a little horny and find some lotion. 
 
 I find some pornhub video about some girl in a white bodysuit getting a massage. 
 
 I have n't done this in a while. I start to think nothing feels as good as my dick covered in lotion in my hand right now. 
 
 What the hell am I thinking? 
 
 I find my phone. My lucky day. Heather The Yogurt Girl just texted me. 
 
 I've got some yogurt for her today. 
 

