[ WP ] You check yourself out in the full length mirror before going to bed . You bend down to untie your shoes . As you are nearly finished , you see with your peripheral vision your reflection stand up seconds before you do .

*Happy Birthday to Youuuuuu! *I am not a drug person. Child of the 80s so I got the whole Just Say No thing and it just clicked. However I was now 40 years old. I'm old now. Psychadelic mushrooms could have been just the mithridate for my shitty car, shitty job, and shitty life. My ex-wife's idea for me to eat some shrooms when I turned forty. She was going to be my shaman. 
 
 `` You must remember that you are on a drug and you are safe. Consider the following situation: You check yourself out in the full length mirror before going to bed. You bend down to untie your shoes. As you are nearly finished, you see with your peripheral vision your reflection stand up seconds before you do. You have to experience that, and stay calm.'' 
 
 `` Namaste,'' I responded. 
 
 The mushrooms tasted like dirt as they tickled my throat. I was off. Perhaps it had been ill advised to do this at midnight ( effects of visually stimulating drugs often increase at night; the simplest way to explain this is your mind kind of fills in the places that are dark ), but I'm sentimental. 
 
 I went over to my davenport, cracking on the evening's Major League Soccer action. The San Jose Earthquakes' blue seemed particularly sensual. I do n't know how to effectively describe this. It was so red, so raw, and yet it felt close rather than dependent. It was so unequivocally compassionate that it pounded me most profusely in the gut. 
 
 I figured the drug was taking its effect. 
 
 My ex-wife walked me across the room. Drugged and delirious I launched into powerful maudlin soliloquy. I hallucinated, yet faced reality head to head. Albert Frost described LSD as a `` most bizarre, but not entirely unpleasant'' experience and that's ferociously accurate. I knew I was on mushrooms but all I could think was: L S D. The three letter rocked my brain and ravaged my mind, they were the only footsteps my ears could ever fiiiiind. Sung. Like a monk in tibet. 
 
 All in all it was a good night, a fruitful night, even though we did n't have any bananas for my oatmeal. I grew I learned, but ultimately gained a tool more powerful than the most modest mary, the least luxurious lucy, the baddest benny, the maddest molly, the most jewish addy. Understanding. Truth. The American Way. 
 
 Thank Your Honor, no further questions.
