[ WP ] A sci-fi writer , a satirist , a historian , a children 's book author , and the creator of Mad Libs place a wager on who can create the most successful religion .

“ … and then our Lord and Savior, Azeroth, descends from…a shoebox, ” Leonard concluded his lengthy mythology which included no less than seven deaths accomplished by a unicycle, a mummy, and a leather jacket, among other things. The other attendants of the bet chuckled amongst themselves, but they never took Leonard ’ s approach to story-telling serious. As such, they immediately dismissed his Mad Libism. 
 
 “ Ok, ” the barkeep announced, acting as the unofficial judge for their bet. “ We ’ ve heard Tony describe in detail about the irrigation systems of the Gupta Empire in India- ” 
 
 “ No offense Tony, but how do your students listen to you? ” asked David. 
 
 “ Because my students have enough foresight to see the value of learning of the past instead of looking hopelessly into the future for things which will never happen, ” answered Tony indignantly. 
 
 “ Anyway, ” continued the barkeep. “ We heard Tony ’ s very well described history of his Indian prophet, and Ronald ’ s rather whimsical tale of The Big Friendly Prophet and a brief glimpse into its sequel, Charlie and the Holy Factory, so that leaves our last two contenders: David, our sci-fi writer, and the lovely Ms. Beckett, the satirist. By the straw drawing we did, David, you get to go first. ” 
 
 “ Excellent. Well it ’ s a simple story, really. It ’ s a tale of hawkmen and hawkwomen trying to find solace in the vast cosmos, ” he began. For the next half hour, he entertained the group with how the hawkpeople of Upper Echelon 9 waged an intergalactic war with the space salamanders of Epsilon Persei 8, which resulted in the near extinction of the hawkpeople. Among them, a hero walks and flies, Brian, the Lord of Birds, who flew across the cosmos for 40 lightyears and 40 nightyears, until he found the Earth. Bringing his enlightenment to his followers, he promises to purge humanity of its wickedness in exchange for the planet after all men die in the prophesized Meteor Shower of 2162. Not content with a mere summary, he flourished his tale with hawk calls while he flapped his arms in prayer. When he concluded, applause from the other writers greeted him. 
 
 “ That ’ s pretty good, ” Diana Beckett remarked. “ But I can do you one better. ” 
 
 “ I ’ d like to see you try, ” David responded. While their rivalry lingered in the air, the other writers wondered why they hadn ’ t gotten a room, yet. 
 
 “ Well it all starts with our Lord, Azzeroth, a former demon of the Hindu pantheon, who upon meeting man, agreed to help irrigate their land, ” she started. The looks of the other writers shifted with dismay as they realize what she was doing. “ He toiled in the hot Indian sun, digging the soil, rich fertilizer and… ” 
 
 She droned for another 15 minutes on the properties of the soil and how they related to society at large. When interrupted, she insisted that the large picture of history is supported by the little details which warranted a lifetime of study and devotion so that we can gain a better insight into seemingly trivial historical matters, like soil content, the squeaky cabinet in George Washington ’ s office, and, of course, James Joyce ’ s last brunch. 
 
 “ …and with this rich soil content, the Indian people grew and prosper. Among their ranks grew a little girl, named Matilda, who among other things, developed psychic powers… ” 
 
 While going into the important tale of Matilda, who seemed to hold no relevancy to the religion at large, she freely redacted a few parts which she claimed to be risqué for religion. When confronted, she mentioned little Matilda ’ s story is meant for an introduction into the faith for which children may relate. After all, she asserted, we don ’ t want to expose the children to too much too early, do we? 
 
 “ …and of course, we come to the best part, Azzeroth reveals unto humanity that he is actually a birdman from the further reaches of outer space! After all his care and after all he did for his people, he tells us we shall all day when an asteroid hits the earth and our lives don ’ t really matter. We ’ re just pawns in his game so that he can colonize earth after we ’ re gone. But instead of fighting this incredible deity, we ought to join it and sing its praises, for he is far too powerful and wise for us to stop. ” 
 
 When she had concluded, the other writers reluctantly reached for their wallets to pay their wager. 
 
 ***** 
 
 r/Andrew__Wells
