[ WP ] Two of the best wordplayers in the world meet for a competition ; a pun-off .

*'' Do n't you fucking do it! `` * The man screamed. 
 
 /u/puns_are_lazy stood at center stage, the guns he held in each hand gleaming in the spotlight. Fortunately he had arrived just as the competition was about to start. To his left stood Tom `` Rib-tickler'' Reginaw, and to his right was Steven `` Dad Jokes'' Crenshaw. Sweat trickled down his forehead as he kept his weapons leveled towards his enemies. He *had* to make a stand. He *had* to make a statement. To him, wordplay was sacred, and puns were lazy. 
 
 /u/puns_are_lazy's mind was racing at a million miles an hour. He was n't a murderer, or a psycho. He was just a man pushed too far. Through narrow eyes he glanced at one offender, and then the other. These were the worst of the worst. Hardcore punners. Scum. His head snapped back around when he heard the first man talking. 
 
 `` Hey fella, there's no need to go off *half-cocked*...'' 
 
 *BAM* 
 
 The man fell, and so did /u/puns_are_lazy's heart. He had never wanted to hurt anyone. Just show then them the error of their ways. He turned and stared at the other man on stage, and in slow-motion saw that his lips were beginning to form words. 
 
 `` That's going to cost you twenty to life in the *pun*-itentiary...'' 
 
 `` That's it! You're going on the wall!'' /u/puns_are_lazy shouted, squeezing the trigger over and over again, laughing maniacally. His sanity had finally been broken by cheap wordplay. 
 

