[ WP ] You died and have awoken to find yourself in black robes holding a scythe . You have become Death . Your one job is to touch every person destined to die that day ; except one person somehow manages to avoid your grasp during every attempt you make .

9:00am 
 
 In all honesty, this whole Death thing was a way more interesting end to my story than anything else I had ever dreamed up. I sort of knew that the last bender I went on would be enough to kill me, but hey, I'd always made it through somehow. I guess that searing pain where my liver was should have been a pretty clear sign that an 8ball and a fifth of gin were a bad choice. That's neither here nor there now. 
 
 I never thought Death would actually wear the whole drapey black get up. The scythe seems a bit much, but we'll see how it goes. 
 
 10:00am 
 
 Okay I *really* like the scythe. I get to silence the pathetic pleas of people who have horded the wrong kind of wealth by slicing them all in halfsies. It's pretty bad-ass. 
 
 Then again there are people who I am actually relieving their pain. Like, for instance, this old broad here with the tumors and shit. She literally reached out to me as I showed up... pretty sad really. No one was with her when she went, and she went up to the light in a flash. 
 
 11:00am 
 
 But yeah, it's been quite the first day. 
 
 ~~Henderson, Maude~~ 
 
 ~~Mckinney, Sierra~~ 
 
 ~~Burroughs, Jim~~ 
 
 I'm actually getting the hang of this. 
 
 12:00pm 
 
 *Blaine, David* 
 
 Oh God Damnit. I'm sure this is going to be an Aristocrats level shit-show. 
 
 12:02pm 
 
 I walked into his flat and he was eating cereal in his tighty whities... because of course this motherfucker wears tighty whities. 
 
 `` Dave, bro, it's time to go'' 
 
 `` You know'' he answered in an obnoxiously pretensions deep voice, 
 
 `` Time, is as much of an illusion as the ones I love to show people. Like this pocket watch for example, it only says the time because I wind it. In a parallel universe a whole lifetime could take one wind.'' 
 
 `` Listen, cut the bullshit and let's take the walk, I -- --'' I looked up to see that the pocketwatch was swinging back and forth in mid air and he was gone. 
 
 `` Oh fuck me'' I sighed as I picked the scythe up and looked for him. Every door and window in the house... nothing. I stepped out the front door and headed toward the street when suddenly I was caught mid stride, 
 
 `` Warmer... you're getting warmer'' 
 
 I had nothing but pitch dark holes for eyes, but if they could roll they would have. 
 
 `` Fuck you Blaine, where did you go?'' 
 
 `` I never left you Death, you can never escape Death...'' 
 
 A bunch of forms fell into my lap. 
 
 `` and taxes...'' 
 
 `` Check the total number of exemptions in box F and you'll find your card'' He said. 
 
 `` God damnit I did n't even pick a card from any deck'' I screamed back. 
 
 `` You mean this deck?'' he said as he fanned out a deck of cards at me. 
 
 `` Ughhhhhhhh'' I groaned as I pulled a card from the deck. `` Now listen David, it's time for you to go -- -'' 
 
 `` Look again!'' he interjected. 
 
 `` Pft. It's a 8 of diamonds'' 
 
 `` No, LOOK AGAIN!'' he shouted. 
 
 The exemptions in line F equaled 8 of Diamonds. 
 
 Out of nowhere a huge crowd of young black men shouted `` OOOOHHHH!'' in various pitches and sound levels. 
 
 `` Fuck this it's time to go'' I shouted. 
 
 `` Go where? It's hard to go anywhere with those shoes on.'' 
 
 I looked down to find that my feet were sealed in concrete. 
 
 I just stared at him with quiet intensity and disdain. 
 
 `` LISTEN, you fucker you're on the list!'' 
 
 `` What list?'' he answered. 
 
 `` This lis -- -'' I looked down to my hands holding cotton candy. 
 
 `` MOTHER-DICK!'' I shouted, throwing the candy to the floor. This whole charade lasted for hours until I came up with a plan. 
 
 `` Dave, show me how to work your shower.'' he came into his bathroom in seconds and started to show me how to set it. I suppose it did n't occur to him that death would n't need to shower... nor care how hot it is. 
 
 `` Sure'' David said as he reached for the shower head. Just then I reached out and touched his surprisingly feminine wrists. He fell and thumped his head abruptly like the Psycho shower scene. 
 
 Finally it's over. 
 
 1pm 
 
 *Angel, Chris* 
 
 You've got to be fucking kidding me.
