[ TT ] Kill off your favorite fictional character .

The untimely death of a fake priest 
 
 EU ( Nasuverse, Fate Zero ) 
 
 Kotomine Kirei was an ordained priest of the Church. 
 
 While that meant he sometimes went off on Dead Apostle hunts ( ie undead bayoneting with friends like Alexander Anderson ), most of the time he actually had to run his church in a district of Fuyuki City. 
 
 This meant doing boring things like maintaining the account books, sweeping the pews, feeding the kidnapped children he'd sequestered in the church and preparing hellfire and damnation focused sermons so that he could relish the fearful yet strangely drawn expressions of the congregation of young ladies who mysteriously appeared in his church every Sunday despite his best efforts. 
 
 Understandably, being the most extreme case of schadenfreude obsession the world had ever seen, Kirei got bored very quickly of this routine and quickly set about haunting the streets at night to bully ( ie evaporate with many bayonets ) muggers and other would be criminals in the night. 
 
 It was fun for Kirei for a while at least, partly because he was certain the Church was too busy dealing with all the vampires and that uppity Mage association problem to bother with a few murders in Fuyuki. 
 
 This was a very bad decision to make. 
 
 For a start, apparently Fuyuki actually had a really bad crime rate so people were actually praising the'mysterious vigilante' to the point that Kirei was actually feeling pangs of disgust. Next, the young ladies from his congregation were apparently also obsessive but of the stalker variety so his'secret activities' might not have been so secret after all. 
 
 That second problem was easily dealt with via hypnosis but the first problem was a little more complicated. To that end, Kirei decided that he'd indiscriminately murderize the first non-criminal person he saw wandering around Fuyuki at night. 
 
 Thanks to a certain dimension manipulating force of nature, Kirei's first potential victim encounter occured in a convenience store with one Emiya Kiritsugu- ex-Magus Killer and also the man who had quite recently in fact shot at Kirei repeatedly under the pretext of some silly magus battle they both had happened to be involved in. 
 
 This was a super awkward meeting since they were both trying to pretend the other person was dead and not in the undead kind of way. 
 
 Heading out of the convenience store quickly after buying a canned drink, Kirei decided he would search the old park near the burnt down citizen's centre in case some crazies decided to go out to that spooky place at night for some godforsaken reason. Only to find Kiritsugu milling around over at the park. 
 
 This was unacceptable. Kirei hurried away from the park, accidentally leaving his canned drink behind. 
 
 Meanwhile, a few of the young ladies were sneaking into his church at night- because they were stalkers. Unfortunately, they believed his basement was a special kind of'dungeon' but soon discovered the half-dead kids he kept down there and duly reported the discovery to the police. 
 
 Kirei had good intuition however and managed to guess what had happened the moment he felt the boundary wards around the church tingle and quickly prepared to make his escape. 
 
 Of course being the blasphemous, sadistic and sneaky bastard that he was, he had several safehouses around Fuyuki which he could wait out the police search in. He quickly made his way to the nearest one. 
 
 Coincidentally, Kiritsugu was feeling particularly annoyed at having to pretend the priest did n't exist so many times in one night and also happened to have a special trigger in his pocket that he kept on him at all times in case he wanted to detonate buildings in Fuyuki. 
 
 Kiritsugu was retired from being The Magus Killer yes, but that was a very recent development and he really did n't feel safe going around with anything less than that. 
 
 Also he happened to have stuck signal activated C4 in the foundations of Kirei's safehouses as part of the aforementioned magus contest. He had n't detonated them yet because in this universe he kept getting distracted from making the decison until now. 
 
 Again, this was probably due to the mysterious aforementioned force of chaos. 
 
 Therefore, as Kirei stepped into a particular safehouse nearby, Kiritsugu happened to set the trigger to detonate the location of all of the safehouses he knew Kirei had access to in Fuyuki. 
 
 Thus, Kotomine Kirei was removed from this world in a glorious ball of fire with an accompanying symphony of chaos and pandemonium all around Fuyuki city. 
 
 Kiritsugu sat on a park bench and watched the fireworks, calmly opening the canned drink Kirei had left behind. 
 
 He took a sip of the cold drink and choked and clawed at his throat immediately as he tasted the disgusting flavour of spicy carbonated coffee. 
 
 Kotomine Kirei, causing pain and suffering most cruel even after death. 
 
 May you not RIP. 
 
 
 

