[ WP ] Getting tired of always being called upon when the police deem a case un-solvable , you take up a 9 to 5 job . You use your brilliant deductive skills to attempt to make sales and upset almost every customer who speaks to you . You are Sherlock Holmes , used car salesman .

`` I just ca n't seem to get this job out of the ground, Watson.'' 
 
 `` Gee, no shit Sherlock.'' 
 
 `` Do people just not appreciate having the barest of facts laid about them? I'd pay a good sum to have someone'dish the truth' about me.'' 
 
 `` People do n't exactly like being told their mums died painfully in cancer-filled sleep.'' 
 
 `` It was a seventeen-year old girl, John. She'll get over it.'' 
 
 `` Oh yeah, get over cancer! Pfft. And how much did you make on that sale, exactly? Two-thousand quid?'' 
 
 `` Err. She poured iced water on me and walked away.'' 
 
 `` So you got off easy then, did n't you?'' 
 
 `` Screw you John, at least my wife did n't take my house in the divorce.'' 
 
 `` Oh bugger off you deep-voiced, curly-haired prick.'' 
 
 `` Ooh, funny story about curly-haired prick. See, there were these two men. Two lovely gentlemen, who wanted to buy this American motorcycle. A Harley.'' 
 
 `` How'd you piss them off.'' 
 
 `` See, I could deduce from the way one of them, Andy, was looking at the other, that he felt a strong sense of intimacy based on eye-contact and distance of standing.'' 
 
 `` I see. And the other one?'' 
 
 `` The other one, Joseph, was feeling a bit nervous for some reason. He was fiddling around with his thumbs and did n't seem at all interested on my brief speech about the Harley's... car-bits. Kept looking at Andy in these weird half-glances and stammered when they spoke.'' 
 
 `` Car-bits.'' 
 
 `` Shut up. So, I'd thought I helped Joseph get over his little hurdle so I can bump the price up a tad bit for good measure. I told him that we were accepting of his reluctance and that we were all friends here...'' 
 
 `` You did not.'' 
 
 ``... And that whatever choice in sexual partners he'd like to have, he would not be judged by any of the twenty-other potential buyers, including myself and ESPECIALLY Andy, in the lot that day, nor his family when he has the gall to tell them.'' 
 
 `` Oh my god.'' 
 
 `` Whoops.'' 
 
 `` You fucking outed a homosexual.'' 
 
 `` Two. I outed two. Also, Andy was actually bisexual based on the way he was eyeing an Essex girl's bum while I was off with some old boring fart.'' 
 
 `` Jesus- HOW ARE YOU NOT SACKED YET?!'' 
 
 `` Because I'm Sherlock Fucking Holmes and the world revolves around me. Elementary, my dear Watson!'' 
 
 ``... Fuck my life, I'm rooming with a moron.'' 
 
 `` Yes, a moron who just happens to be the smartest man who's ever lived.'' 
 
 `` I did n't know Mycroft was moving in.''
