[ WP ] Bernie Sanders wins the presidency but is secretly assassinated . Now one of his team must continue his presidency ala Weekend at Bernie 's .

As President Sander's abrupt death settled in among his top aides, one lowly intern blurted. `` I know what we need to do!'' The room is silenced, the intern hesitates, then channeling the late President's blunt forcefulness bellows: 
 
 `` A VOODOO CURSE! We need to resurrect Bernie! Resurrect him so that he can lead us to the money of all the millionaires and billionaires!'' The bold proposal was quickly adopted, although nobody knew how to pay for it. America would never learn of the assassination. 
 
 The ritual called for the sacrifice of a high-class bird like a peacock or a cockatoo, but the team felt that such exuberance would drive Bernie's spirit away, rather than bring it back. They settled on a salty landfill seagull. 
 
 The ritual was a success, but there was an unforeseen set back. Bernie could not speak. He could only walk in the direction of unsigned executive orders and bills and sign them. Even worse, he remained completely motionless unless music was being played in his presence at all times. 
 
 `` Well...'' Vice President Stein reasoned, `` We all know Bernie's been repeating the exact same talking points for decades. Its one of the things people like about him. Lets take clips from over the years, and lay them to folk music. We'll have Senator Warren draft the legislation and push it through congress while Bernie's unrelenting message is playing on loop.'' 
 
 And so it was. It became an everyday norm in the white house, to be going about one's business, when distant music would start to penetrate the walls as the resurrected Sanders dance-walked through the halls. His voice echoing loudly: 
 
 `` The top one percent of one percent!...'' 
 
 🎵🎵🎵 
 
 `` The economy is rigged!...'' 
 
 🎵🎵🎵 
 
 `` Corrupt campaign finance system!...'' 
 
 🎵🎵🎵 
 
 The media marveled at his youthful endurance and new-found sense of rhythm. 
 
 🎵🎵🎵 
 
 `` Its time to say healthcare is a right, and not a privilege!...'' 
 
 🎵🎵🎵 
 
 `` Look up the YouTube clip on Bernie-Sanders-dot-com!...'' 
 
 🎵🎵🎵 
 
 `` Wall-street's business model is fraud!...'' 
 
 🎵🎵🎵 
 
 Dance lines of millennials formed behind him wherever he went. 
 
 Sidenote: This is a ~~satire~~ parody of Weekend at Bernies II. I'm unsure if the plot of that movie is as well recognized as the original. It's not a political statement. Thanks for reading!
