[ WP ] A modern teenager is transported into a fantasy world , where they are forced into a quest with young witches and wizards their age . Fortunately , they 've got a backpack full of high-tech gizmos to help them along .

Never had a Starbucks betrayed me quite so badly. I was just about to leave, latte in hand, backpack over my shoulders, when I felt an uncomfortable warm itchiness in the center of my forehead. Halfway through a prayer that it was n't a zit, I must have blacked out; the next moment I opened my eyes in a cold stone room smelling slightly like my Great-Aunt Martha's house. Four people stared blankly back at me, looking almost as shocked as I felt. 
 
 A grin burst across the face of the girl on my far left. `` It must have worked! The summoning!'' I was about to ask her what in the world she was on about, but it seemed she was pretty intent to soliloquize. `` Our kingdom has faced a great turmoil, and it may tear us apart. We four sorcerers have been called to save our great land, but we alone are not strong enough. It was prophesied that if we could call the fifth, she would save us. The girl named Kaylee.'' 
 
 I put my free hand on my hip. `` Some prophesy. You got my name wrong.'' 
 
 The sorceress pointed to the Starbucks cup I held. `` But even your goblet bears the name! Kaylee!'' 
 
 Goddamn it, Starbucks barista, how many times have I told you. K-A-L-I. `` It's Kali,'' I deadpanned. 
 
 `` Kali, Kaylee, it makes no difference,'' a cute boy next to the talkative girl interjected impatiently. `` Can you help us?'' 
 
 Now, I'd read a few fantasy books in my life. More than a few. Like hundreds. Although when I discovered reading about knights and hermits was n't great for your social status I dropped that like last year's prom date. So I knew what was up. I might face near-death adventures, possibly get hurt, but ultimately if it was prophesied, I'd win, right? And damn if that boy was n't cute. Maybe I could take him back with me to Newtonville... assuming I could get back. `` Sure, I'll try my best. Let's do this.'' 
 
 `` Perfect. I'm Ada, my companions are Jonathon, Reia, and Blaxton. And we have an audience with the king as soon as possible, so let us go!'' 
 
 Oh, yeah, super-casual, just an audience with the king. Is showing ankle a slutty thing to do in this world? The other four are wearing long, flowing robes or gowns, so I'm probably gon na look like a cheap hooker. I guzzle the rest of my coffee for strength and kind of kick the cup to an empty corner. Littering is so not a thing yet. 
 
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 The king looks pretty intimidating, but it's not like his throne is made out of actual swords or anything so I feel a tiny bit more at ease. Taking my cue from Ada, I bow low and do n't even look up until he addresses us. `` Sorcerers, I have called your help from all reaches of my kingdom, and I see we have even outreached that. Welcome. It is known the King Ladrian has proposed a betrothal between myself and his daughter, Glenai. He means to seal our kingdoms together in friendship, or so he says. But his daughter is truly a beast-woman, whom a witch has cursed and changed in form! I have seen her with my own eyes! I will not suffer this insult to my person, nor this probable attempt at my murder. You five must find a way to end her life, silently.'' 
 
 Blinking, I tried to conceal my confusion and anger. The woman was... ugly? I'd been summoned here for that? And I was supposed to help kill her because she was ugly? That was some bullshit. I wanted to fight dragons. 
 
 `` We will assist you, Your Grace. With the coming of Kali the prophesied, it shall be done,'' Jonathon assured him. That seemed to be enough, since the next moment we were ushered out of the throne room and into some sort of anteroom. Sinking down into one of the cushioned chairs, I groaned. 
 
 `` This is pointless and dumb. Why ca n't he just send some assassin? Or suck it up and marry an ugly woman?'' God knew I'd kissed some dudes who were solid 3s. 
 
 `` She's guarded night and day. She has food tasters for everything, people to inspect her belongings, even maids who must bathe before her in fear of the water being contaminated. And she looks like the anuses of seven dogs,'' Reina added hastily. `` The king finds it a great insult to his person, but if he does not accept the marriage war will surely ensue. Some battles are fought quite differently than you may expect.'' 
 
 She was right, I supposed. Still, I was n't going to murder an innocent woman. I had my backpack with me still, I realized. And therein lay the solution. `` I have an idea. I need fifteen minutes with this woman. Can she have visitors?'' 
 
 `` Yes, but you will be watched carefully,'' Ada warned. 
 
 `` Leave it to me.'' 
 
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 Before I approached Princess Glenai, her maids were wary. One had to be subject to any treatment or magic before I could do it to the princess. But, after the first one, all the maids were soon clamoring for me to test my `` magic powders and wands'' on them next. In the interest of Glenai's safety, they assured me. When I finally got to the princess herself, I was more than prepared. I did n't need to kill her, I just needed to make her attractive enough for the king to marry. No easy task -- she probably looked more like eight dog asses strung together -- but not impossible, either. 
 
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 Three weeks later, Glenai was the new Queen, and I was proclaimed the hero of the kingdom. I had single-handedly stopped a war from breaking out, and as far as the king was concerned I had exorcised an evil beast-spirit from his wife-to-be. The woman in front of her was so much prettier that she must have been saved from evil magic. As far as Queen Glenai was concerned, she just had to wake up fifteen minutes before the king and put a few powders and liquids on her face. I called them magic potions, but I'm a bit dramatic like that. 
 
 `` What is the magic that you used?'' Reina wanted to know. 
 
 `` Honestly? It's called makeup. Every woman in my land uses it, and if you do n't people ask you if you're tired all day.'' 
 
 `` Who cares?'' Ada complained from my right. `` That was a total waste of my time.'' She dusted off her robes and stood up. `` I'm bored. Wan na go fight some dragons? I heard Edgemere's having a problem.'' 
 
 `` Uh, hell yes.'' They can send me back later. I'd rather not work on my physics homework just yet. 
 
 ( ( Goofy idea for the `` conflict'' and `` solution,'' but hey I wanted to try something a bit silly ) )
