[ WP ] The new class of paladins does not , in fact , contain a single paladin ... just a lot of other classes doing their best to fake it .

`` So, Vyrn the Throat-Slasher. Kind of a strange name in this line of work.'' 
 
 Vyrn grimaced. `` Hey, man, it's a metaphor. I slash the throats of darkness with the blade of honor and then bleed them out on the shield of holy certitude, that kind of deal?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, just saying. Besides, I've no room to speak, do I?'' 
 
 `` No moral high ground at all, Atheist.'' 
 
 Godless the Atheist grinned easily. `` Hey, I did n't pick the name my monk ancestors gave me. And it is a noble and honorable thing to respect your forebearers, so I refuse to change it. You may, however, call me Athy, if you like.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, yeah. Whatever.'' Vyrn nodded along idly, his eyes casting about the room with old, sharp instincts. `` Hey, listen, just between you and me, does something seem a bit off?'' 
 
 Athy looked around himself, the tattoos above his eyes denoting him as a honored Enlightened One of the Truly Faithless shifting sympathetically with his furrowed eyebrows. `` Yeah, now that you mention it. That woman over there...'' 
 
 `` Gem Planter? According to doctrine, converts from other religions sometimes keep their former powers, and adopt them to serve the true cause. I'd say those animist druid leaves are holy paladin leaves, now. See? They kinda glow white. But seriously, Athy, I mean... look at everyone.'' 
 
 He rolled his eyes, looking around once more. Slowly, he began to see what Vyrn was pointing out. 
 
 `` That's old Bloodblight Paax, right? When did he give up necromancy...? And over there's Edwardo Collins, did n't he use to be a vampire? Huh, I guess he got better. Wait a second...'' 
 
 Vyrn nodded eagerly as Athy spotted the person crouched in the corner, hiding as best as possible from the assorted crowds with a scowl on his face. 
 
 `` Is n't that Argania Silversword?'' 
 
 `` Yeeeep.'' 
 
 `` Wow. People used to call him God's Own Avatar. They let him back in the church after that whole going slightly crazy, slaughtering an entire roomful of paladin trainees, and then decorating his house with their strung out corpses issue?'' 
 
 `` Kinda makes you feel uncomfortable to be here in the same room full of paladin trainees with him, does n't it?'' 
 
 Athy thought about it for a moment, trying to remember what the Creed said. `` Ah! He must have sought reparation and forgiveness, and absolved all of his sins!'' 
 
 `` Sure, I can see that. He's definitely not a Fallen. That black shroud around his body is just... an everpresent reminder from God of how low even the best can fall.'' 
 
 `` Yep.'' 
 
 Vyrn continued to shift uncomfortably despite the reassurance. 
 
 `` Excuse me?'' 
 
 The piping voice from behind startled both of them, though they tried their best to hide it - after all, paladins do n't feel fear. 
 
 `` Yes, miss?'' 
 
 `` Am I too late?'' 
 
 `` No, they have n't started yet. Still waiting for someone... I think a High Templar... to show up.'' 
 
 `` Oh! That's me!'' 
 
 They took an immediate step back, falling to their respective knees and bowing deeply. 
 
 `` Terribly sorry for the impropriety, miss -'' Vyrn and Athy began simultaneously. 
 
 `` Oh! My bad!'' She nodded her head slightly, acknowledging their token respect and allowing them to stand again. `` I'm the Head Templar of this church, Mistress Nympho of the Eager, Relentless, Erotic Flagellations.'' 
 
 Vyrn coughed. Athy raised an eyebrow. `` Nympho?'' `` Erotic flagellation?'' 
 
 `` Oh, sorry. My mother was a Seductress Succubi. You know, from the Book of Erotic Fantasy? Oh, no worries, it's not part of the D & D core, so of course fine paladins-to-be like yourselves have never heard of it. I owe her so much for bringing me up to be such a Godfearing and outstanding religious person, despite not actually having a soul and being herself merely a twisted parody of feminine sexuality crafted from the nightmares of those slumbering in the inner circles of Hell. It is with her ministration methods in mind that I look forward to many long, potentially bloody nights, helping you develop your skills as men... of the cloth.'' 
 
 Both men exchanged another look as the Head Templar skipped away, her curled tail swishing back and forth asynchronously with the tip of her leather holy weapon of choice, to take her place at the podium. 
 
 `` You know,'' Athy began. 
 
 `` I was thinking, hear me out...'' 
 
 `` Why do n't we go get a drink and...'' 
 
 `` Celebrate...'' 
 
 `` Reconsider...'' 
 
 `` Our future lives as paladins?'' They both finished. 
 
 `` Sounds good.'' 
 
 As the seemingly young woman behind them began to cough delicately to get attention, the two men snuck out the front door discretely. Vyrn stuck to the shadows, and Athy simply blended seamlessly into the existing crowd, seemingly moving forward with them even as he made his way towards the exit. 
 
 Unnoticed to either, a tar-black form stalked along after them, his twitching eyes and gleaming sword ( still dulled and tarnished in spots from the blood markings from his innocent victims long ago ) the only signs of his movement. 
 
 Argania licked his lips thirstily, thinking that a pint sounded pretty good to him, too. That crowd back there freaked him out.
