[ WP ] All US States are the embodiment of their stereotype .

It was a typical reunion, to say the least. It was tense, angry, and probably a little too much alcohol being passed around. The family had always been kind of dysfunctional. Then again, ever since that big fiasco back in the 1860s, things never quite got back to normal. Still, all things considered nothing went *that* bad. 
 
 First Texas had one too many Budweisers and began going on about how half of his family `` did n't know the meaning of a hard day's work'' and how `` they think we're idiots. Well, if they ever came down to our level they'd understand we have smarts where it matters!'' Oklahoma smiled, nodded, and followed along with everything his big brother said. 
 
 Louisiana, the Carolina twins, Tennessee ( the musician of the family ), Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, and Mississippe, the `` special'' one, all took over a corner of the room and started circle-jerking over how they were the laughing stock of the family. It was just because they ended up on the wrong side of that big family fight. They were just as important to this family as anyone else! Why were they always the joke? 
 
 Florida tried to jump in on the pity-party, but got shut out. Florida, even though he had a lot in common with them, ( poor hygiene, low IQ, and slight racist leanings ) had gotten rich thanks to a deal with a theme park. He was now `` too uppity'' for his poorer brothers. 
 
 Florida was n't welcome on the other side of the room, either. The richer, more business-minded family members did n't want to be seen with their brother who grew up in the southern part of town. They lived in the Northeast! They had money and reputations to uphold. 
 
 New York led this cabal of the family. He was the richest… and douchiest. Pennsylvania, Vermont & New Hampshire, `` Do n't call me tiny'' Rhode Island, `` Did you call Rhode Island tiny?!'' New Jersey, and Massachusetts all mooched off of him. They would deny that, of course, but they also would n't say'no' when money would happen to flow around. 
 
 Then, out in the middle of the room were the homeschooled members of the family, the Midwest. Honestly, there really was n't much difference between them all. Even their parents had trouble telling them apart! Especially the Dakota girls… Really pale, not much as far as features went, not much money, either. They had all kind of taken on the farming/factory life. They were the blue collar family members. But… nobody really appreciated the fact that they would probably starve without them, so nobody really bothered to say'hi.' 
 
 Over by the bar were the Western states. The embarrassment of the family, if you had to pick just one. Beach bum California, Pothead Washington, compulsive gambler Nevada, Meth addict New Mexico, and Utah, who had joined some strange cult. 
 
 Alaska and Hawaii just sat off to the side, along with the adopted minority child, Puerto Rico. Maine would occasionally join them, every now and then leaving His North Easterner clique. He wrote lots of horror stories, so he never quite meshed with that other group. Honestly, he was probably the only one in the whole family that nobody had a quarrel with! 
 
 Everyone loved Hawaii, so they all stopped by to say hello, but nobody really paid the other two members any mind. Alaska was okay with it, he liked to be left alone. A bit cold, that one was. Puerto Rico, however, would always get upset. He would start complaining about how `` I'm a part of this family, too! Why does n't anyone notice me?'' 
 
 And there, in the middle of this whole mess, was the Patriarch. Washington DC. A loving father in a dysfunctional family? No. A stern father who knew what was best and expected obedience? A little closer. Imagine DC as Tywin Lannister from *Game of Thrones. * Controlling, strict, constantly worrying about continuing the family line, and obscenely rich for how little actual work he does. He came out on top, after the Great Family Feud of the 1860s. He still was head of the household, but very few family members still respected him. He also rarely thought for himself these days, anymore. In his old age he'd started to become senile, and could easily be swayed by whoever threw enough arguments ( or cash ) in his face. 
 
 Me? Oh, I'm just a friend of the family. I bring the Tim Horton's, so I always get invited to these things. People say I'm too nice, and I apologize for that, but I honestly do n't think the America family is *that* bad. Sure, they've got their problems, and they are n't too bright, but they're good people, at the heart. And they definitely stick together if anyone outside the family comes after them. So, what can I say? It's a typical, American family.
