[ WP ] Lost life

I could feel every minute last an eternity after her death. The day after placing her cold body down the earth six feet under, I could n't believe it. No, I would n't believe it. I woke up the day after, acting like nothing was wrong. I skipped down the stairs, just hopping it was all a nightmare, and the moment I opened that kitchen door I'd see her again. I'd see her smile, I'd see her laugh of how I was always the late bugger. The door swung open, there was no smile, there was no laugh. The only thing that filled the room was silence. 
 
 I made breakfast, or at least tried to. I realized I have n't cooked in quite a long time as I cracked the eggs and their shells seemed to explode in all directions. I thought of how Ashley would laugh whenever I made a mistake like that, but would always kiss me on the cheek soon after, like a `` Thanks for participating'' reward. Everything I did reminded me of her. Stepping outside to grab the newspaper, I was ready to play the crossword puzzle with her. I entered the kitchen again, silence. 
 
 My mind just refused to accept what was happening, and I never knew how hurt I'd be. Tears rolled down my face onto the newspaper, as I crumpled it in my hands ready to toss it into the trash can. I did n't want to see it anymore, I just wanted to go back to bed and sleep my days away. The newspaper flung out of my hands as I tossed it, and landed next to the trash can. I left it there, without a care in the world as I trudged my way up the stairs. 
 
 The phone rang as I was halfway up, and I paused. Either phone was far away `` Ashley, can you get the phone?'' I yelled. I realized my mistake a few moments afterwards and the answering machine picked up. It was her mother, checking up on me to make sure I was alright. No, I was n't alright. I was ready to both cry in tears, and fight everyone in a mile radius of me. I could n't though, I could n't find the strength to keep going. 
 
 I jumped into bed, and closed my eyes. Even my dreams were of her. I could smell her scent, see her motions. Everything seemed so real, but when I awoke, I cried. My mind entered a dark zone, one I never escaped from. I never showed up to my job again, phone call after phone call of people checking up on me. After a few days they started knocking, but I only remained in my home, barely eating, barely sleeping, barely living. 
 
 With each night that I refused to sleep, I could feel the world get heavier, and brutal. I was making my own destruction, and I did n't care, all I wanted was Ashley. I was done living this world. Ripping the toaster off the wall, I brought it to the tub. Filling the tub with water, I stepped in, it was warm. It was somewhat soothing. I plugged the toaster into the wall outlet, and lifted it above the waters that I stayed. 
 
 `` I'll be home soon,'' I said as tears rushed down my ears `` It's been too long.'' The toaster slipped from my hands, and the last moment that I saw the water splash, I regretted it. This was n't what Ashley would have wanted, this was n't what I would have wanted, but I let my demons get the best of me. 
 
 It was too late, I was dead.
