[ WP ] You are a realtor showing a house to a young couple . They love the house , but you have something to disclose , and no its not a murder .

H: I give up, what's the catch? 
 
 W: Seriously, this place is gigantic, it's in great condition. I would n't even expect a shitty house in Lincoln Park to go for less than 350, but what are you asking for this place again? 
 
 R: 70,000 
 
 W: That's ridiculous. Why is it so low? 
 
 R: I do just want to be clear, this house is completely up to code. You wo n't need to do any repairs if you buy it. 
 
 H: I know, you've said that 5 times already. 
 
 W: We just want to know why the asking price is so low. 
 
 R: Like I said, it's not because -- 
 
 W: We get it. Why is the price so low? 
 
 R: Well to be quite honest we've had some trouble moving it. It's been on the market for about 8 years. 
 
 H: 8 years? 
 
 R: Yes. 
 
 H: I do n't get it. Why have n't people been interested? Especially since it's so close to Logan Square! That's been up and coming for at least 8 years. 
 
 ( Enter U through front door ) 
 
 U: Hidee-ho! ( Trips over threshold, stumbles forward across room into standing lamp, dragging lamp as he stumbles back towards doorway, and accidentally throws lamp through window in doorway ) Did I do that? 
 
 H: Yes. What kind of question is that? 
 
 R: This is Stephen, he lives next door. Stephen, this is Harry and Wendy; they're looking into buying this house. 
 
 U: Well that's no good. I want to live next to Laura. 
 
 R: Stephen, Laura moved out 18 years ago. She told me not to let you know where she lives. Please leave this house, we've discussed this ( checks notebook ) 265 times. You're not allowed to come in here under any circumstances. 
 
 U: Are you trying to tell me I'm not wanted here? 
 
 R: For the 266th time, yes. I am trying to tell you that. Please go away and do not enter this building ever again. 
 
 U: Well fine! I can tell when I'm not wanted. ( Exits through front door, tripping over lamp and backing back into house, knocking over H, W, and R before stumbling back through front door ) Did I -- 
 
 R: Yes, go away! ( Slams door, locks it, and places table as barricade ) 
 
 H: Does he do this a lot? 
 
 R: Yes, he does. 
 
 W: You could arrest him for breaking and entering. 
 
 R: The previous owner is a police officer. He always makes sure we do n't treat him too harshly, he's gotten the charges dropped before. 
 
 W: Is he... there's no polite way to ask... 
 
 H: Developmentally challenged? 
 
 W: Yes, developmentally challenged. 
 
 R: Oh no, he's a physics professor at Oxford. 
 
 H: Oxford? But then why would he live in Chicago? 
 
 R: He invented a teleporter so he could keep living here and commute. He's only used it to get into this house twice so you do n't have to worry about it. 
 
 W: Why would he want to stay here so bad? 
 
 R: He grew up in the house next door and he's still infatuated with the previous owner's daughter. She lives on another continent and has a husband but Stephen did n't seem to quite grasp that. 
 
 H: Was that Laura? He mentioned someone named Laura. 
 
 R: Yes. I'm sorry you had to go through that. The previous owner said that his intrusions became less annoying with time and he even learned to like them. They're even humorous in a way ( chuckles ). 
 
 W: I do n't know. I do n't think I could live by someone like that. 
 
 H: Yeah, I'm not so sure now. 
 
 ( U appears with L under his arm ) 
 
 U: So you said that Laura did n't want me to know where she lived, but I remembered, I have a time machine! So I went back in time to when she lived here and brought her to me so we can still be together. 
 
 L: Steve, let me go 
 
 W: Jesus Christ! 
 
 H: Stephen, how old are you? 
 
 U: 39, why? 
 
 L: You're still after me? You're such a creep! 
 
 H: Laura, how old are you? 
 
 L: I'm 17. 
 
 U: Perfectly legal in Illinois!
