[ WP ] You are a famous master detective . Once again you have gathered the protagonists in the drawing room , and by brilliant deduction you reveal the murderer . But for the first time in your long career the murderer , instead of confessing , realises that you have no evidence at all .

``... And that's how, using only a bottle of ketchup and three pickles, Ms.Dawson over here was able to stage the car accident that covered up the murder of Mr.Riverside.'' My little presentation was finished by a half-bow and a smug smirk, my gestures carefully executed to maximize the dramatic effect. 
 
 I straightened up and crossed my arms. Now was the end of my part, I just had to wait for the rest of the cast to do theirs in order to conclude the piece. For now the aforementionned Ms.Dawson was speechless, as the rest of the room in fact. Her mind was still reeling from my brilliant, if I may say so, demonstration. The poor lady was probably shocked that her `` clever'' scheme was so easily uncovered by myself. 
 
 The silence was starting to stretch on, but this was to be expected. After all some people were quite slow on the uptake and failed to recognize their cue. Being overwhelmed by the power of my mind probably did n't help the matter. But soon, extremely so if the suddenly pensive look on her face was any indication, Ms.Dawson would realize she had just been found out and would simply accept her fate. Or have a break down. But since both lead to a confession and thus an admittance of my genius, it was the same to me, really. 
 
 The silence had blanketed the room longer than I was used to and even the police and onlookers were starting to shuffle qround, waiting for Ms.Dawson's reaction. The latter was still in her thoughts, face frozen in shock and eyes far away. You could almost see the little gears working their magic inside her brain in order for the pin to finally drop. Any time now. 
 
 And indeed, a few split seconds down the road, Ms.Dawson shook out her haze and grinned. She was going to go for the meltdown it seemed. 
 
 `` Well, Detective,'' she said `` while this is certainly an admirable demonstration you just performed and your hypothesis was very compelling, I have the regret to ask: Do you have any proof of what you are claiming? Because if so, maybe you should put it out on the open as I have absolutely no recollection of having committed any crime...'' 
 
 Again the grave silence of revelation fell on the room. The culprit had spoken. Now it was the time for the police to come and- 
 
 Wait, what? 
 
 No, this was wrong. Completely wrong. This was not what she was supposed to say. I kindly informed her of it. 
 
 `` This is the wrong answer Ms. Dawson. You might have no recollection of the fact, though I doubt it, but everyone knows you did it. So make this easier on yourself and start confessing.'' 
 
 `` I am truly sorry detective, but I promise that I have not taken part in any crimes. Your words wo n't sway my stance on this subject.'' 
 
 Her self-satisfied grin had grew, and it was really not a pleasant sight. I was really growing irritated with this nonsense. Not only was she straying off the script but she was trying to belittle my genius. I would have none of that. 
 
 `` Oh come on, you are starting to get ridiculous. Everyone heard my demonstration. It was perfectly logic without any holes in it. You are done. Now confess already and let us finish with this tiring game.'' 
 
 `` Oh my, is the detective losing his cool? I did not mean to offend you in any way, I am just pointing out that your demonstration, while convincing, does not prove anything. Surely this will hold some consideration in the eyes of these fine officers?'' She turned to the confused looking policemen. 
 
 Meanwhile the onlookers were now looking at ME while whispering. Her self-congratulating-and-very-annoying-smug smirk had widened some more and was clearly showing teeth now. The policemen were squibbling among themselves, recognizing the lack of evidence but trusting my perfect record until there. I was losing my audience, and fast. All of this was spiralling out of control and I felt as if I had been caught wrong-footed. My anger grew twicefold. 
 
 `` Ok let me repeat it for you in terms you might understand, Ms. Dawson. Now, you have been found out. You are done, checkmate. So now you wo n't deny anything since it's already over. Instead you are supposed to say:'' 
 
 I took on a high-pitched voice: `` I confess. I did it! I killed him just like you said. But he deserved it! He was mean to me... or some other rubbish I do n't care about.'' 
 
 `` Here!'' I said back in my normal voice `` Is that too complicated for you, Ms. Dawson? Now, say it.'' 
 
 Ms. Dawson had listened to my rant with a clearly amused face, disbelief covering her eyes. It seemed the sentiment was shared by the rest of the room, judging by the incredulous looks I was getting. Her sorry excuse of a worthless-contemptuous-strangling-worthy-smug smirk broket to let out a cristalline chuckle. She was laughing. At me. 
 
 Furious, I turned toward the officer in charge. He offered me a half-shrug in apology while murmuring excuses about needing solid proof for prosecution. I turned away inches away from slapping him. He needed solid proof. Solid proof. As if my demonstration was not evidence enough of her culpability. Incompetent, I tell you. I was just surrounded by incompetent fools unable to even comprehend one word out of ten I pronounced. 
 
 I looked back to the unrepentant culprit that was still laughing. The crowd had started to join her. This was not supposed to happen. Did they not know their place? Could n't we just get back on topic, follow the script and be done with it? Was there really no person of moderate intellect here? I was tired of waiting for those idiots to stop their guffaws. 
 
 Huffing, I took a step toward the source of my stress. Planting my feet firmly into the floor I looked at her with determination and firmly said: 
 
 `` Stop laughing.'' 
 
 She did n't. I took another step forward as my eyes narrowed a little more. 
 
 `` Stop. Now. If you are not going to say anything interesting, shut up.'' 
 
 Still no reaction. Her hilarity seemed too strong for her to understand simple words. 
 
 `` I said stop! Now repeat what I told you to say or be quiet and grovel!'' I yelled 
 
 My choice of words was apparently too elaborate for her emotionnal simpleton mind as my sentence threw her in renewed high-pitched giggles. She was hysterical, I though with disgust. At the end of my patience with her, I took two more steps and towered over her. My intense glare fixated on her face, I said darkly: 
 
 `` Say.It:'I killed Mr. Riverside' Now.'' 
 
 `` SAY IT!'' I screamt 
 
 The silence fell once more with the grace of a hammer. Everyone was staring at me nervously. Not so funny now, eh? 
 
 The officer in charge took a hesitant step toward me. 
 
 `` Scott'' he said `` I will need you to calm down. Step back please'' 
 
 I ignored him. I was too busy glaring with the full strenght of my ire at the despicable Ms.Dawson. She spoke: 
 
 `` Look, I understand that you worked hard to build your deduction. But I am sorry to tell you that you have to keep searching. I did not kill anyone!'' 
 
 Oh, fuck it. I was past the limit now. If she did n't use her breath to do her fucking part, then she had no need for it. 
 
 Quick as a blink I pounced on her. Seizing her with my right hand while my left one was retrieving the gun in my back pocket, I drew out my weapon and fired. A clean shot straight through the skull struck by the full might of my wrath and of my justice-filled genius. Her corpse collapsed as a boneless doll. Boom. Instant death. No one would ever weasel their way out of the script or disrespect the truth I spoke. Not on my watch anyway. 
 
 I was distantly aware of the panicking civilians cries over the ringing in my ears. I also heard the police officers move in my back while shouting orders. I put my hands in the air while letting my gun clatter on the ground. 
 
 Turning, I look right back at the police forces surrounding me and said in my highest-pitched voice: 
 
 `` I confess. I did it! I killed her just like you saw. But she deserved it: she was mean to me!'' 
 
 
 
 Here, that's how you do it.
