[ WP ] A man orders a `` cheese pizza with no crust '' from a local pizza delivery joint as a joke . Unbeknownst to him , that pizza joint is a drug front and he just placed an order for a kilo of cocaine .

Act 1: 
 For the past 20 hours I have been thinking about the reason my wife abandoned me after 14 years of marriage, still not convincing. The same song has been playing ever since, reminding me of all my failures. Been smoking non-stop about two packs and counting.. my stomach is grunting so I decide to order something to eat. 
 The brochure of this new pizza place under the door mat caught my attention, and so it was decided.. I do n't want to bother thinking about what to fill my intestines with anyway. 
 -Four black girls' pizza place, how may I help you? 
 -Yes can I have one cheese pizza with no crust please? 
 -Sure, anything else? 
 -No that'll be it. 
 -Alright, what's your address? 
 *I figured some dull comedy would be good. Did n't think it'd go through* 
 -4720 Plank St. apartment no. 4. 
 -Okay, be there in an hour. 
 -Great, thanks. 
 
 Act 2: 
 *Hangs up* 
 -Hey Lenny, one kilo. 4720 Plank St. Take that kid with ya maybe he'll learn a couple of things about the job. 
 -Ask Rick i'm busy over here. 
 -Ya want the boss to learn about your little secret? 
 -Jeez, alright I'm goin'. 
 
 Act 3: 
 -Hey kid, go warm up the car I'll be right there. 
 *Thirty minutes later* 
 
 *Slams door* 
 -Fuckin' Joey. 
 -Where are we going? 
 -We got an order to deliver. You're gon na learn how shit gets done, kid. 
 
 Act 4: 
 *Hard knocking on the door* 
 -Comin'! 
 *Knocking continues* 
 -Alright, I'm coming! Jesus! 
 
 *Opens door* 
 -You ordered the cheese pizza with no crust? 
 -You do n't look like pizza delivery guys.. 
 -Funny guy, can we come in? 
 -S-sure? 
 
 Act 5: 
 -Nice place ya got there. 
 -Thanks? 
 *Lenny grabs a beer from the fridge and sits sluggishly on the couch* 
 -So, got the cash? 
 -Yeah, how much is it? 
 -Is this your first time ordering a cheese pizza with no crust? 
 -Actually I ordered it as a joke.. 
 -Ha? So you're fuckin' with us? 
 -What? No. I just wanted to have a pizza.. 
 -Cut the bullshit already, will ya? 
 -What bullshit? 
 -Do n't waste my time, kid. Ya want the coke or not? 
 -What coke?! 
 -Fuckin' Jesus on a stick. THE FUCKIN' COKE YA ORDERED! 
 Did ya think we really sell fucking cheese pizza with no crust?! 
 -Holy shit, you guys are drug dealers?! 
 -Hallelujah, about fuckin' time. 
 *I grab the phone* 
 -Okay, I do n't want any coke or any fucking pizza, get out of here or I will call the cops on you! 
 -I told ya this guy was funny, eh, kid? Ha Ha. 
 
 Act 6: 
 He got up and pulled a gun out of his pants, pointed it towards me and said `` Last chance, buddy. Where's my money?''. 
 I could n't utter any words in the midst of my fright. I could see he did n't like that. The young man that was with him showed clear signs of panic, guess he was new to the crew. Perhaps he was his nephew or something. 
 I mustered up some courage and said `` I don't..''. The answering machine interrupted me; `` You have one new message'' Then a beep came out and I heard my wife's voice. 
 -I'm sorry for what happened earlier today, can we talk about it over dinner tomorrow night? 
 I was so psyched and happy. But the only problem was I had a gun pointed at my face. 
 -Real fuckin' romantic, too bad ya wo n't be able to make it. 
 I shivered. 
 The last thing I recall is seeing his finger pulling against the trigger. 
 Then it went dark. 
 /u/absamm 
 
 
 
 

