[ WP ] `` Remember when you asked if it would kill me to bd nice for once ? Well , it 's about to kill both of us . ''

No I'm not being over dramatic. Look I know I have n't always been... nice. 
 
 Ok rarely. 
 
 Fine I've always been a complete ass hat but I was driving along on a side road… 
 
 I was lost alright, look can you not interrupt, he's going to be here in a second and I just…If we die here I just want you to know that it's kind of your fault. 
 
 Yes your fault 
 
 No I'm not resorting to old patterns, by your standards I've always been a complete and utter douche nozzle, and doing one thing is n't a pattern, I'm justing acting the same way I've always acted minus one unfortunate blip. 
 
 Because I'm the story teller 
 
 Look the point is I was lost, I was on a side road and I see this guy and he's just walking along and I think back to our `` conversation'' this morning 
 
 Because that was not a conversation that was you yelling at me and then yelling at me some for not responding even though you never gave me a chance to…look I just need to finish this story, so, no more interruptions 
 
 I think back to this morning when you monologued to me about how much of a dick I am, and how terrible I am, and `` would it kill me to be nice for once'' which, news flash, it's about to kill both of us. So side road, guy, I'm thinking'you know what fuck it, it wo n't kill me to be nice for once' so I pull over to the side of the road and I say'hey, which way you going?' 
 
 Damn it woman now is not grammar time 
 
 Ahhh. 
 
 Alright, pull over, ask him a question, he says just the next town. So I tell him to hop in. He get's in we're driving along. Now this guy and, credit where credit is due, he did kind of give off, off vibes, so yes it's my fault for ignoring my instincts and picking him up, but I only ignored my instincts because I was proving you wrong which brings us back to your fault 
 
 I do n't care what your therapist classified me as, if you have n't been paying attention, and you must have been because all your interruptions are textually relevant, then you know that we are about to get fucked up so sit down, shut up and let me finish, so that if you die you at least know why. Ok? 
 
 Good. So this Off Vibes guy, he starts spouting off about like Nietzsche and uber mensch and shit and about how he's the superior man or whatever and I think about pulling over and booting him out but a ) I was proving you wrong and b ) he was way, way bigger than me. Anyway we get into town, I'm happy that he's getting out, he turns and says that I'll `` have a place'' in his new world, or some such bullshit then he, I shit you not, pulls out a gun and walks into the dinner. All I hear is gunshots and screaming. Well I reverse out of there like me out of one of your friends'performance art' pieces 
 
 Yeah well last I checked you can be supportive alone…which is n't even important, anyway he comes back out into the street and I see him in my rearview mirror saluting me. 
 
 No not a…just like a regular salute. And I think just keep driving, but I do n't. I crank the wheel spin around… 
 
 Yes I did 
 
 I did 
 
 Fine it was a 3 point turn, you happy? 
 
 3 point turn and second nice act of the day, I gun it for him 
 
 Because I was risking my life, and car, to save people from getting gunned down by a spree killing asshat. It does n't seem to click with this guy for the longest time, then it does, he raises the gun, get's one shot off, which I'm fine by the way to answer your original question it was a graze, to answer your unasked question yes I'm fine 
 
 Well it should have been your first question. Anyway, I hit this guy, car goes over him. I feel it bump stop, look in my rearview mirror thinking I'm going to see blood and shit and shit, but no, this guy, this fucking Nietzsche reading spree killing asshat motherfucker is a fucking Nietzsche reading spree killing asshat Terminator motherfucker because he gets up like nothing happened. So I tear out of there, come straight here, come inside say barricade the doors and get the shotgun and the iodine and you start in with the fucking spanish inquisition which I excepted but fuck I hoped for once 
 
 Yes I do still blame you. If you had n't given me the need to prove I was nice I would have left dip shit on the road 
 
 It would n't have been mean, it would have been smart and…oh fuck that's him. Alright hand me the shotgun. And get down. 
 
 Yes it is chauvinistic, now get the fuck down. 
 
 He'll walk in and I'll blow his fucking head off. 
 
 No fuck you for getting us killed. 
 
 Yeah well, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
