[ WP ] You 've gone traveling and just discovered you 're big in Japan . Well . Somewhere weirder than that . A lot weirder ...

I got the house but not the deed 
 
 I got the horn but not the reed 
 
 I got the cards but not the luck 
 
 I got the wheel but not the truck 
 
 But heh I'm big in Japan 
 
. 
 
 Its true. 
 
 They love me, in a weird, very weird way. the kind of weird way that everyone seems to want to take a bite. I mean I knew the Japanese had some weird subcultures going, the whole wifu thing and the boob mousepads. but this, this is a different level. 
 
 Ever get bit by a dog that did n't really mean to bite you? a sort of gummy chewing but not to hurt, only to let you know that they are biting you? Its like that. FROM EVERYONE. 
 
 Its the toothless zombie apocalypse in a five foot radius of me. and only me. Ten feet away? you are totally normal taking a video of those crazy people biting that guy. within five feet of me? you are biting me like its the most normal thing to do. These people even have the audacity ( I do n't get to use that word very often, so bear with it ) to look upset that I push them away, I almost got arrested for punching this old guy who was gumming my leg. then of course the officer is exploring the side of my wrist with his molars. 
 
 Is this normal for Japan? they pick one guy and then just completely fuck with him? I mean its kind of the best practical joke ever, but its 
 
 creepy. 
 
 
 really really fucking creepy. 
 
 Ninety year old woman selling ( who am I kidding, I cant tell how old anyone is. there was this mother of three that looked fourteen and her daughter that looked thirty five. this place is crazy ) some sort of food on the side of the road. perfectly fine by herself just stirring the pot of whatever until I came over to look, next thing I know shes got her teeth on my fingers. its so, disturbing. Ive never been sexually attracted to old women, and to be honest ive never had old women be attracted to me, but the way this women went at my hand? 
 
 buh. 
 
 You know, ive never really understood the whole `` tons of shrines'' thing that I see in anime or in the cultural depictions of Japan. But, now I do. and I'm pretty grateful for it. Leaving the airport was interesting. I'm glad that `` where the fuck do I find a quiet place'' translates to `` empty shrine'' in Japanese, and not say, `` factory district''. Id much rather be in a pretty place contemplating how I get out of here then among rusting car wrecks and abandoned machinery. I cant read Japanese so I have no idea what this shrine is to, but its empty enough for me at the moment. maybe there is some sort of tour that goes through here but I have n't seen any so far. I hope that whatever god resides here does n't mind that I ate some of the offerings. If its any consolation they did n't taste very good. 
 
 Here I am, stuck in Tokyo. looking for a shower and a nice meal. Kinda sucks to be popular.
