[ WP ] Humanity creates a wonder-drug granting everyone Immortality . Death arrives at the unemployment office .

`` Name'' 
 
 The man in front of Death jostled forward. Along with being over encumbered with suitcases and papers, this man also carried the scent of desperation. It was after-all Death's favorite scent after failure. 
 
 `` Dr Phil'' The man wheezed in a southern drawl. The man was fat and disgustingly overdressed when compared to the other fools here. Looking around, death mainly saw disparity amongst those put out by this new `` Wonderdrug'' that had been discovered after the last manned trip to mars. They apparently found a new element in the sand and baked it into a usable pharmaceutical substance. Initially everyone started smoking it, but it was n't long till people realised that the people who used the drug also seemed to forget how to die. Along with being generally rude, this upset a lot of people who considered death to be a fact of life causing many various protests and marches that often involved a lot of flag waving and twitter hastag bullshit. This however did not last long however as everyone who disagreed with the drug either died in time or mysteriously disappeared leaving only those who either agreed with the drug or those who simply couldnt remember a time when death had even existed. 
 
 `` Next'' 
 
 `` Death, Charles'' 
 
 `` Serial ID?'' 
 
 `` 12-92-19, D34D'' 
 
 The fat womans jowels seemed to suddenly come to life as she raised her ugly face to look at him. `` Charles, didnt think id see you for a while yet'' 
 
 `` Yes, well it seems that people have lost interest in the whole mortal coil death thing. Ive a few Anti-drugies left but they're hiding up in the Himalayas somewhere, bloody nightmare to get to. 
 
 `` Right'' 
 
 Death wasnt sure if the noise that was her voice came from her mouth or her jowls which seemed to be sentient. `` Have you got anything for me?'' 
 
 Pulling down a translucent blue screen, the secretary began wildly swiping at the air as if suddenly possesed by some evil spirit. Death had seen enough of that bullshit in his time. Most spirits were too damn lazy feeling sorry for themselves to even try anything of the like. In fact come to think of it, most spirits didnt really move from the place of their death. Hilarious really, especially when they died whilst taking a shit. 
 
 `` Two openings, Charles. Here take a look'' 
 
 She flipped the screen around, it was an electrical field with suspensor tiles, enamelled with black gold. On the screen two boxes appeared, simplified for ease of use and selection. On the right read `` Gravity tester'' and the other was written in hebrew. 
 
 `` I dont speak hebrew'' 
 
 `` It says mesiah, theres an opening for another one in the centurion system. They killed the last one we sent. No magic we said, but what did he do? Went around multiplying bread and healing lepers. Fool'' 
 
 `` And the gravity tester?'' 
 
 `` Mainly system work. New space-time currents are being rolled out. The Expanshe co-orporation are expanding again. Stock rose by a few percent. Julbert Cutthroat is now the richest man in the universe, save for Himself'' 
 
 She tapped the back of the screen and a picture of a horridly obese man, much more so than this woman, filled the screen and seemed to absorb light from the room. Behind him, death could hear the characteristic sounds of someone suppressing the vomit reflex. 
 
 `` Do n't seem to have much of a choice then do I? Get turned into paste or become a bloody mesiah. Jesus Christ'' 
 
 `` Dont even start with him'' She coughed, tapping the screen again. `` Unless you want to fix the mess you made back on earth? We cant have people running around thinking they own the place now can we?'' 
 
 `` Well, its not my fault someone left the damn elixir lying around on mars'' 
 
 `` Yes, well'' She began a rebuttal but soon lost the wind of it `` Ill need your signature'' 
 
 `` Fine'' 
 
 Death scrawled his name in long black ink and snapped the pen down. 
 
 `` Alright, your new alias is....'' She did some strange movements with her hands whilst also flicking away the fairy that was buzzing around annoyingly `` Wilbert'' 
 
 `` Wilbert? What kind of a bloody name is that?'' 
 
 The woman just shrugged `` Not my department Honey, i just assign whats given'' 
 
 `` Wilbert!'' A voice howled behind him, caught somewhere between laughter and asphyxiation `` The great Charles Death, become Wilbert the Mesiah'' 
 
 Slowly Death turned around to see Oppenheimer sitting relaxed on a stool, with a copy of Penthouse open on one of the middle pages. 
 
 `` Great, Oppenheimer. They let you out? I thought you had another thousand million years to suffer?'' 
 
 `` Oh that?'' Oppenheimer said half mockingly `` Well, turns out what with the overpopulation problem, seems like they need new ways of culling the population. Who better than the man who made the bloody Atomic Bomb Charles'' He opened his arms wide, and a few people around him clapped slowly before returning to staring back out the space station window. 
 
 `` And where are you stationed?'' 
 
 `` Didnt they tell you?'' 
 
 `` No, they didnt tell me'' Death was becoming annoyed. Oppenheimer was a class A fool who seemed to grow more and more insufferable as the years went by. 
 
 `` Why i am going with you! You can call me Mesiah Oppenhero, i chose the name myself, suits my physique'' 
 
 `` What?'' Death buried his face into his long blackened hands `` What hell am i in now?'' 
 
 `` Oh a hell of your own doing, terrible shame about the mars mission. If they hadnt tried to smoke it it probably would have gone on swimmingly for another million years or so.'' Oppenheimer threw down the magazine and lept to his feet. `` We are going to have so much fun!'' 
 
 `` Kill me'' 
 
 `` Oh i dont think that's possible, you smoked some of that elixir shit if i remember correctly? Anyway, im coming along, ill hide away for a few thousand years, then ill pop up and invent the atomic bomb all over again. Bingo Bango, world blown to shit, huge population cull, zero cost to taxpayer with maximum harvesting potential'' 
 
 Death wheeled around to the secretary who was in the middle of stuffing creme brule tart into her hole. `` I want to change occupation, the gravity Job, ill take it, ill take it!'' 
 
 The woman shrugged and tapped onto the tiles `` Its gone, sorry love'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Oh yes!'' Oppeheimer squealed, running up behind Death and hugging him tightly around the waist. `` We are going to have so much fun!'' 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

