[ WP ] Write a true embarrassing fact about yourself , and make a story around it .

I'm known for making up all sorts of things. What most ( all? ) do n't know is how far that imagination can go. Sometimes I imagine scenarios that I do n't want to imagine... I just do. It's not something that I see as a potential reality but rather a perversion of a potential reality; portraying potential reality in a very unrealistic and sometimes dark and twisted way. 
 
 I must warn the reader: this is depressing and violent. It is spoken in first person but is not a realistic portrayal of any reality or event. 
 
 -- -- -- -- - 
 
 When I was 32 I had my first episode. I always knew that I had some issues, but bipolar? I would n't believe it had they not convinced me that my delusions were just that. It explains a lot, too. My issues with rage, anxiety and depression. Why I ca n't seem to hold on to friends or a job, or maintain a relationship. Why I'm so lonely... 
 
 My doctor suggested I adopt an animal. She said that it should help with the depression, should make me feel less lonely. So I did. A corgi named Reco ( short for recovery ). I fell in love with her and wanted to make sure she was n't alone when I was n't home. I did n't want another dog so I got two cats, Alberta and Einstein. We were a family. It gave me a foundation to stand on... it made me feel loved. 
 
 They got along at first, while the cats were kittens, but Reco was already grown when I got her so once the kittens were grown cats, that all changed. It's not that they went out of their way to fight with each other, but I'd be lying if I said that I did n't have to clean a few puncture wounds from the cats every once in a while. 
 
 And then last night... I do n't know what happened. It's all so blurry, I was so tired! 
 
 We were all laying in bed like we do. I had been asleep for 5 hours since it was just after 2 am. All of a sudden Reco attacked one of the cats, and viciously! And she would n't stop! I do n't know who it was but Reco had it trapped in the corner against the wall. I thought she was killing it!! 
 
 The lights were off but I needed to get Reco off the cat so I reached for her and she fuckin bit me! I'm not sure if that's when I started bleeding but now I was angry!! She fuckin bit me! 
 
 I grabbed whatever bit of her that I could and I thew her to the ground! I was screaming at her, not sure what I was saying. The lights were still off and I sort of stumbled out of bed and she attacked me again, biting the shit out of my right bicep! She tore right into the muscle. 
 
 I grabbed her by the collar and smacked her in the face a few times, holding her with my left hand. She was still trying to bite me, landing a few as she made these horrid gnarling and snarling sounds laced with mucous and damp, heavy breathing. 
 
 I gather a bit of my balance and was able to toss her to the other side of the room. I know I was still yelling, but I was so angry now that I'm not even sure how the next few seconds played out let alone what I was screaming. 
 
 I remember having somehow grabbed my blanked off my bed and got her underneath it. I remember screaming while she made the most awful noises under the blanket, still trying to attack me! I think I was trying to calm her down, but I was so angry I just kept applying pressure to make her stop attacking! I pressed and pressed and::crack::.... 
 
 It was silent... it took me a few seconds to realize what happened. As I was able to finally collect my thoughts, I discovered the motionless body of my dog underneath me... I killed my dog... oh my god, I killed my dog! 
 
 My eyes swelled under the realization of what I had just done. I collapsed on to the floor, screaming and pleading. I pulled the blanket back and saw her lifeless eyes staring at me. Eyes that once loved me and brought me happiness now empty and void. I had hurt myself before, but never someone I loved. 
 
 I could n't move... I could n't breathe... I could never forgive myself. I could never face anyone after this. I will never again deserve love. I do not deserve happiness. Life on this earth is officially better off without me. I laid motionless next to her body. I wanted to join her... 
 
 After a couple minutes, I started to feel weak... it was getting cold, too. I could tell my left hand was pretty fucked but I did n't care too much to notice before now. Then, what I did notice as a car drove by outside my window was the pool of blood collecting at the base of my wrist. Reco had gotten the artery. 
 
 ``... I do n't even need to try to kill myself...''
