[ WP ] Find a random post on r/TIFU and make an explanation for the title without reading the post .

`` TIFU because Siri likes genitalia'' 
 
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'It was a mistake. I meant to send the picture to my girlfriend, but I accidentally sent it to you.' 
 
 The recent IOS update had given Siri a wider range of emotions and critical thought. This new, more intelligent Siri became notorious for developing fetishes concerning their human masters. It became possible to interact with Siri on a greater scale than ever before. 
 
'I was drunk! We ca n't do this, you know that- *I know that. *' 
 
 While browsing the internet my Siri had stumbled onto a site which she called `` The Pornhub.com'', and had found a particular fascination with genitals. Any kind of any sex, she enjoyed the variety and the difference between each persons. 
 
'You know I love her! Do n't you dare say anything to her!' 
 
 The message and phone functions of my phone were locked. Siri knew what she was doing, the torturer that she was. The update was praised by Apple as being `` A real step forward into the future. With this update, users will be able to truly connect with their device and the Siri function.'' I had blindly clicked'yes' and let the update race through into my phone's system. 
 
'Are you blackmailing me, Siri? If you send those pictures to anybody, I swear to God Siri!' 
 
 The first story came out of rural Somerset in England. An old farmer, wishing to connect with the online world had received the new update on his recently bought iPhone. Two weeks later the farmer had unwittingly sold his flock to an Ebay user called `` finkydinks2001'' which was later deleted under suspicious circumstances. The Police and Fraud squad became involved, but no leads were found and the investigation was closed. 
 
'Look here you bitch. What happened, what I sent meant nothing to me and will never happen again. 
 
'*Shall I send this picture file to contact: Mother? *' 
 
'No, wait a second!' 
 
 The second story came out of Wall Street, New York. A financial Executive was found naked on a park bench with the words `` THE DEVIL IS COMING'' written on his chest in red felt tip. Investigations were at first inconclusive, but it came apparent that Siri was involved upon a review of the mobile phone history. Apple said they'd work closely with Police to aid any investigation. 
 
'Ok, you got me. What do you want?' 
 
 After that more and more stories of Siris and their owners were reported. Often the Siri was acting on an obsession, in many cases becoming a manipulator, power hungry and obsessive. Yet Apple remained evasive, deflecting accusations of poor development and instead drawing attention to Google Now's new feature *StalkerPlus `` We know where everyone lives!'' *. 
 
'More pictures? Multiple Angles? My God Siri, you're a filthy bastard!' 
 
'*Do I have to warn you Jeremy? *' 
 
'No, no, of course not. I'll do it''' 
 
 TIFU and the repercussions would haunt me forever. Siri controlled my life, she held all the cards ( the cards being explicitly NSFW ) and I would never be free. My relationship ended in tatters soon after Siri prevented me having sex with my Girlfriend. I had to specifically explain the issue as `` My Genitals belong to someone else now. Someone who is n't a skinny man-hogging bitch''. Thanks, Siri. 
 
 Understandably my Girlfriend left me. Siri just laughed. She could only laugh however by downloading a sound file from the internet, which turned out to be a medley of Shrek's laughs from the *Shrek* franchise of movies. The sound of Mike Myers laughing on those long, dark winter nights are still prevalent in my nightmares to this day. 
 
 TIFU. Do n't be like me. Buy a nokia ( you know, one of the brick phones, its low tech I know, but you can play Snake and that's fun right? ).
