[ PI ] The Purple Diary - 1stChapter - 2161 Words

I like the character and the setup. A couple things kept this from being a top contender for me: 
 
 * The dialog did n't feel real. It's very stilted. Some of the things that are being said are good, but the way they're said did n't flow naturally or me. 
 
 * I had a credibility problem when Rahul was present for Karan's counselling session. This really is n't common, so for it to happen unremarked-upon did n't feel real at all. This undermined my belief in the story as a whole. 
 
 * In the session itself, Dr. Joshi talked way too much. A psychiatrist or psychologist's goal is to let the patient solve their own problems, and merely to be the guide to get them there. 
 
 Bullets 2 and 3 are, however, just my understanding of the practice; I vaguely remember maybe seeing one a few times when I was a kid, but not since. But I think I'm correct on them regardless. 
 
 I do think the starting point is interesting, though I wonder if Karan should be starting either in a darker place or when he's not yet completely broken-hearted to add some stakes to the story. Right now he's a kid with a broken heart, but nothing much is at risk since his heart's already broken and he does n't seem like he has suicidal thoughts or anything. Moving the starting point, or increasing the impact on him at start, might add to those stakes and bring the story to life a bit more. 
 
 Good luck with it! Thanks for sharing!
