[ WP ] You are abducted by aliens . After some time aboard their ship , you manage to deduce that they 've abducted the wrong guy , and are desperately trying to keep their higher ups from finding out about their mistake .

oh shit oh shit oh shit they've taken me by the ears and i do n't know what's going to happen next before they open the door to my cell to bring me to the master plan where they will say hey get back in there and do n't try to escape from the bullets that we could put into your head at any minute i just want to be back in my bed on earth why did you have to bring me up here to see your master i'm just a young man that wants to be free of all the things that are chasing me through the endlessly cornered chamber wehere im being held against my will hellishly cold and trembling and pounding at the door to just please let me the fuck out of here and then they realized that the door to the next room was open and after shutting it they looked at one another deeply and told me that they were aliens who were just doing their jobs before the time was up and they had to go home and i said that's where i wanted to go but i do n't think they believed me because when i laughed they cried and we all rolled around on the floor clutching our sides in the pale light from the ceiling fan in the cell next to the one with the open door that seems so much more appealing from over here but that i wo n't get to see because i need to go to their master to be evaluated for the new proposal to test the science study that they are currently performing and when i tell them that i do n't have a problem with their luck they realize suddenly that they've made a grave mistake but since they are on the verge of getting fired out of the plank cannon i realize that i am shit out of luck as well oh no what the hell can i do to get free from here and they stare me down into the back corner where i cower in fear what will we do what will we do with this wrongfully abducted specimen that will be sure to muck up the results of our special science lab i dont know man i just dont know how we are going to get through this to the next room over there with the open door so relax i say and they listen to me for a second i have a plan to get me out of here and save your skins from the master plan for the worst but expect the best and they smile at me and then slowly at one another and i think they may be on my team and then pow i get a punch in the gut and there are kicks to my face and red starts at the edges of my eyes and then black and then i'm in the next room and the door is open and my captors are nowhere to be found but i hear what must be the master on the overhead radio exclaiming that he has cut the cuticle when trimming his nails and he needs the science experiment to be completed so the new technology can get rolled out to improve the technology of the current toe clipping material science matters at hand to hand combat as im running down the hall to the escape pod and the two little bastards that pulled me out of my bed in the night are close behind one another and then around the corner and then another and im running at top speed when i run into a door and its the first cell so i must have run in a circle or a square or some sort of closed polygonal shape shifting aliens reveal their true form and it's horrifying how much they look like my dead great aunt betsy whose picture hangs over the mantel in my dining room back home on what must be earth unless they are in my head and playing mind tricks but no this has to be real because i can feel the blood pulsing in my veins faster than anything ive ever felt before stop right where you are drop to the ground hey im the one giving orders here but yeah im gon na be the one to deliver this guy to master so i can get all of the extra credit on the test and i duck to the side as they begin firing lasers at one another first up and then to the down below the dining hatch compartment where the master is dining on his fresh toenail clippings according to the blaring voices on the loudspeaker that are intermittently interrupted by the sound of classical music from a classic walkman and the fizzle of laser canons in a hierarchical combat to establish who gets that extra extra special credit for the bungled abduction mission by my two captors because only one of them is going to get that promotion and then a hole opens up in the side of the bay door chamber still smoking from the discharged laser beam and i know its my chance and i jump out into space and the two of them they charge after me stop it please help me cries the master but soon his voice wo n't carry in the vacuum of space and where the fuck am i because earth is just a tiny blue speck in the distance and the bodies of the aliens floating slowly towards me trying to fire their lasers but getting sent in opposite directions spiraling this way and that according to some weird law of physics that they just refuse to obey like their master or maybe it's just that they are lazy or incompetent but i will never know because their flesh starts to expand in space rapidly and then blood is shooting out in quick little spurts first from the orifices of which there are many and then from every little which way into the stars and comets and obscuring that blue speck that might have been earth and so now hopelessly resigned to the situation where i am finding myself at this present hour away from everything i know and understand like the back of my hand so i begin to look down at my own quivering body that is about to tear at the seams between spacetime irrationaliy and reality tv stars pop red black
