[ WP ] To stay in Assassins Hotel you must assassinate someone in the hotel .

**This is a comedic post and less gory than you'd expect. Hope you enjoy! ** 
 
 Walking inside the building, I could feel a huge pressure on me. 
 
 Mainly because I was carrying a huge backpack but that is besides the point. 
 
 So, this is Assassins Hotel. The infamous hotel only available to assassins who kill each other for a room in the hotel. 
 
 The stupidest part of it all is that I'm not even a trained assassin. Scratch that! I'm not even trained in laundry washing, let alone assassination. Though, the reason I'm here and not at a regular hotel is I ran out of money gambling on that damned monkey at the fair. 
 
 **I could have sworn he would have won in the shit throwing contest. ** 
 
 **I fucking hate that homeless prick for winning. ** 
 
 Anyway, I walked up to the attendant to ask if there were any rooms *without* assassins. And he said ``... are you kidding me? This entire hotel is booked. Sorry man but you'll have to kill someone.'' 
 
 WELL SHIT. I'm totally going to die! And if I walk out now, I'll seem like a pussy. And a man ca n't look like a pussy unless he is a feline who would attack other people and not his fucking owner. I hate my ex-girlfriend. 
 
 Sidetracking again. The attendant gave me a knife that the lower half was in the shape of a key. The attendant expected me to kill high class assassins? DUDE I CAN BARELY KILL A DEER WITH A FUCKING CAR! 
 
 `` Thank you.'' 
 
... The hell did you want me to say? The attendant could've killed me without a sweat so I could n't have been a douchebag or I'd be chopped liver! 
 
 Or my liver would be chopped; same difference. 
 
 Well time to go. 
 
 I walk up to the elevator and it opens practically instantly. I saw a bunch of corpses being dragged out by an attendant. And I swear on my life I saw Beyonce. I KNEW SHE WAS IN THE ILLUMINATI! 
 
 `` Time to go..'' I think. So, I step into the elevator and press... `` which floor?'' 
 
 I ca n't choose 1 because that'll be a blood bath. And I ca n't choose 20 because that'll be filled with the strongest. I'll have to choose... 14! 14s a good number. 
 
 That's when I saw a hulking man come walking to the elevator, looking like Attila the Hun. I fucked spammed the close button like the homeless man did with his shit. That's when a giant indentation of an axe came through the doors. 
 
... sweet jesus this is going to be a fun night...
