[ WP ] Non-traditional families are quite common these days , but yours might just be the strangest of them all . You werenraised by the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

I awoke to beady eyes glowering at me through the visor of a horned helmet. 
 
 “ Up, ” said War. “ Bright new day. Fresh battles. Sleep is as bad as death. ” 
 
 “ Hey! ” said Death from the kitchen. 
 
 “ Sorry. Sorry. Sleep is as bad as surrender. Better? ” 
 
 Death smiled from the doorway, but then Death always smiled. He was holding a frying pan full of eggs and wearing his usual frilly apron. 
 
 “ Breakfast, ” said War. 
 
 “ Eh, ” I said. 
 
 “ Breakfast, ” said War. He threw off my blankets. I lay there staring at the ceiling. I was just thinking I could get used to the cold, but he picked me up and thrust me into my seat at the table. Pestilence was sat there, lost in the latest issue of Nature. Beside him were a stack of other magazines on immunology. He took frantic notes on a world map, drawing violent circles around tropical areas. He scratched his proboscis and fluttered his wings with anticipation. 
 
 Famine entered. “ I'm not hungry, ” he said. He grabbed one of the plates that Death had served and poured it into the bin. 
 
 “ How will you fight with no fuel? ” asked War. 
 
 “ I need to watch my figure, ” said Famine. He rolled a cigarette and his sunken eyes followed the curl of the smoke. 
 
 “ Oh, to be so delicate, to be as a petal, or an English summer, ” he said. 
 
 “ I like poetry, ” said War. “ None of this sissy stuff though. ” 
 
 “ Please, ” said Famine. “ These are the last gasps of a starved soul. ” 
 
 Somehow, War took offence at that. “ You wan na fight about it? ” he said. 
 
 I just watched them all in silence as they bickered, as Famine chimed in that they were distracting him, as Death tried to act as the great unifier. It all seemed like so much effort. 
 
 Famine turned to me, trying to change the subject: “ You have n't touched your eggs. Want me to chuck them out? ” 
 
 “ Apathy! ” said Death. “ You have to eat. We might not be around forever. We'll need you to pick up the slack, so you need to eat those eggs and grow up big and strong. ” 
 
 “ Eh, ” I said.
