[ WP ] A man and a woman survive a plane crash and get stranded on an island . The man is an extremely attractive , but very homosexual man . The woman is an heterosexual nymphomaniac .

`` Listen, if Tom Hanks can befriend a volleyball, you can imagine me as Ryan Gosling. I even made a makeshift hulk dick for you!'' 
 
 Haley stood topless, hands against her waist, unripe banana wedged between her thighs. 
 
 Craig focused on their fire, embers fading fast. He crouched down and blew on them, extinguishing them once again. 
 
 `` Fuckkkkkk.'' 
 
 `` Yes. Fuck. That's what I've been saying we should ever since Captain Cocksucker over there decided to join the three mile die club and crash us here.'' 
 
 The lightcraft she gestured at was in surprisingly good condition. The elderly Cpt. Camus however, not so much. His was quite stuck with his head's content splayed prominently on the dashboard. They were n't ready to play cleanup yet. 
 
 Craig stood up, glaring at his sad attempt of survival. `` Should have stayed in Boy Scouts'', he thought. `` Something about those scarves though. Even gayer than an ascot.'' He turned towards Haley 
 
 `` Why were no coconuts on the ground?'' 
 
 `` Why are n't your cocoa nuts in my mouth?'' 
 
 `` Ugh. While I'm glad your mouth is equal opportunity, again, I'm gay. Really though. The coconuts looked ready, but there were none on the ground.'' 
 
 `` Who cares anyway, we got these.'' She wiggled her waist, her banana becoming a divining rod looking for dick. `` Is this really doing nothing for you?'' 
 
 `` No.'' 
 
 She huffed and spread her legs, letting her bananadick flop down. 
 
 `` God damn Groupon. I bought that stupid coupon for that stupid flight because I thought hey, maybe I'll get paired with a nice man with a nice dick and I could give him a nice handy. But nooooo.'' 
 
 ``... I'm going to go check the trees again.'' 
 
 He started off. Haley stared after his ass, wobbling ever so wonderfully in his khakis. 
 
 About 20 feet from the treeline he heard a quick patter of sand behind him. He turned to see a blur of boobs and desperation flying at him. 
 
 `` HUUUUUUU'' 
 
 `` SERIOUSLY. Just close your eyes!'' Her knee straddled his ribcage and pressed against his sternum while she tried to sensually rub his chest. 
 
 `` Anything! I'll sound as manly as you like! Want me to impersonate James Earl Jones? As long as you give me you put your beast in my now sandlot I do n't care!'' 
 
 `` huuuu'' Teary eyed, breathless, he balled his fist ready and 
 
 `` Uh, hello?'' 
 
 They turned to see what appeared to be Achille's beach bum brother walking towards them, a large bag tossed over his shoulder. So tall. Bronzed skin. Bright blue eyes. With the just scruffy enough beard and unf body, they say Haley's ladyboner grew eight sizes that day. 
 
 `` Hellllooooo.'' 
 
 Haley jumped off Craig who gasped for air and ran for the stranger 
 
 `` Oh thank god you're here.'' She pressed herself against him. `` We crashed here and have been so desperate and alone and thank you sooo much for saving us. I will do anythingggg to rep'' 
 
 `` whe-,'' Craig coughed, pushing himself up with one arm. `` Where are we?'' 
 
 The stranger looked over Haley who had already started kissing the man's chest. A small smile formed on his face at the sight of Craig. 
 
 `` Oh... hi there. This is a exclusive resort for Caribbean Cruise Lines. We call it Liberace Land.'' 
 
 `` no... no.'' 
 
 A large, unsatisfied, horny tear rolled down Haley's cheek.
