[ WP ] You made a deal with the Devil , and now he 's come to collect .

Kip smiled at the cindery fellow, who did n't look a day older than he had ten years ago, and not any less sooty. 
 
 `` Well the Devil definitely does n't wear Prada am I right?'' 
 
 But the Devil, who was in a smudged blue-collar jump-suit did n't appear to be in the mood, his expression sour, like a squeezed lemon dropped in a hearth. 
 
 `` Just pay up so I can be on my way, okay?'' 
 
 `` Wow man, after all this time?'' Kip was visibly thinking for a moment, eyes darting around as if trying to examine different regions in his skull. then he brightened. `` Is n't there a statue somewhere about limitations? Like with a blindfold on it or something?'' 
 
 For just a moment there was silence and Kip's expression turned smug. 
 
 Then the devil managed to half sigh, half groan, so that there was clearly no release or catharsis in it. 
 
 `` No Mr. Atkins, there is no STATUTE of limitations. If you had bothered to read the contract, you would know this already, but none of you ever read the contract.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, but it was like two-hundred pages you know? I did n't have time for that.'' 
 
 At that the Devil smacked his forehead, hard, leaving a visible handprint, death-line and all, above his brow. 
 
 `` YES, EXACTLY! Why do you all sign it then? Why not just say forget it, its not worth it? You're all idiots!'' 
 
 A hum like a note unresolved originated in Kip's throat, and his eyes and mouth got wistful. `` No I think it was pretty much worth it man, I felt like I was going to die. What did you say the total interest was again?'' 
 
 `` A thousand times the value of your original gift, administered in pain and suffering! I even told you this in person ten years ago. I spelled it out for you. I did everything in my power to convince you to leave it off! You people are ruining me.'' 
 
 Kip nodded...'' wow so 1000 times what you gave me, but in pain and suffering. Does that account for inflation?'' 
 
 `` No, unfortunately it does n't account for inflation. Please lets just do this Mr. Atkins, you are grinding my operation to a halt. You and others like you are literally bankrupting Hell, can you appreciate that?'' 
 
 Kip shrugged. `` I'm not all that good with biz speak to be honest. Not my field. I just really needed that quarter man, and there you were at the right place and time.'' He laughed, `` To think how bent out of shape I was when I saw they'd raised the price of a Kit Kat to 75 cents. I should have counted my blessings am I right?'' 
 
 `` But I offered you the whole Godda... ahem, damn Nestle factory! I offered you women, mansions, prestige, but your small-minded dreams stopped at a wafer bar in the coils of a vending machine!'' 
 
 Now Kip looked sour, briefly. `` Look man, you do n't have to take that tone with me.'' He grabbed the fat on his belly and jiggled it. `` It may not of done much good in the long run, but I was trying to keep myself down to a bar a day. Ca n't do that if you own a chocolate factory can you? Besides, you warned me about your crazy interest rate... thanks for that by the way.'' 
 
 
 `` I WARNED YOU ONLY AFTER YOU WERE HELL BENT ON BUMMING A QUARTER FROM THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS! ITS IN THE VERY VERY FINE PRINT OBFUSCATED... I assure you, in a Hell of a lot of legalese. Your chimp brain would not... you know what, I'm done.'' 
 
 The Devil was quick. One second Kip was upright having a pleasant conversation with another working class Joe, the next he was bent over his trans am, arm locked behind his back. 
 
 `` What's your damage man?'' 
 
 The Devil twisted his wrist so that his palm was facing downward. The position was agonizing. Then he felt the heat under his hand, then the burning flesh. He started screaming. As fast as it happened, he was being pulled off of his car, spun back around by his arm and pushed up against its door. 
 
 His hand felt like it was blistering, and he could smell the cooked flesh of it. `` You gave me like a second degree burn man!'' 
 
 The Devil ignored him, pocketed a lighter. He spoke in a bureaucratic passionless info-dump. `` Mr. Atkins, consider your debt to Hell paid in full. We of Hell appreciate your contribution to the continued operation of our proud institution and ask that, for the love of God, you stay under his radar, as he likes to kick down the idiots to us far too often. At this time we would like to ask you to keep in mind any and all acquaintances that you have a particular kinship with, and to please go to Devil_Door_to_Door.com and add their names to our ever-growing list of people to take off of our registry.'' 
 
 And then, before vanishing in a carcinogenic puff of soot, the Devil flipped Kip Atkins the bird. 

