[ WP ] You are sitting in your lounge room , it 's dull and you are watching the news . Then , your mobile rings . You answer and it is yourself from the future who tells you to stay on the line at all costs ...

`` Do n't hang up!'' 
 
 All I could say was `` Okay.'' I obviously was n't going to hang up. Who does that? Who out there is answering their phones and hanging up immediately? Nobody. But for some reason, he felt the need to repeat the request a few more times. 
 
 `` All right,'' he said, `` this is going to sound crazy, but -- do n't hang up -- I'm *you*. From the *future*.'' 
 
 `` Uh huuuuh.'' 
 
 `` Do n't hang up!'' 
 
 `` Okay.'' 
 
 `` Here, I'll prove it. Do n't hang up. What time is it?'' 
 
 I checked my watch. `` Six o'clock.'' 
 
 `` Okay,'' he said. `` You are watching....*the news*.'' 
 
 He was, in fact, correct. 
 
 `` Uh, yeah,'' I said, `` I am. What's the top story gon na be?'' 
 
 `` Fuck if I know. You're not paying attention.'' 
 
 Two for two. I decided to trust myself, for now, if only because I had nothing better to do. 
 
 `` I need you to do something, right now. I need you to do what I say and not ask questions. Our lives are depending on this. Got it?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, okay.'' 
 
 `` Good. All right, how much cash do you have on you?'' 
 
 I ruffled through my pockets for my wallet to find that I had seven dollars exactly. I reported the amount to my future self. 
 
 `` Good, good,'' he said. `` That should be just enough. Now hurry -- get on the number ten bus on Fourth and Main. It'll leave in two minutes. Go.'' 
 
 The area was close enough, but my apartment was on the fourth floor. I ran out and slammed the door, hoping it somehow locked itself. I normally took the elevator, but thankfully I knew where the stairs were; I took them two, three at a time. 
 
 I burst outside and ran to the corner, and made it to the stop with only seconds to spare. 
 
 Wheezing, I slid two singles into the fare machine and took an open seat. I was out of shape. 
 
 `` All right,'' I gasped into the phone. `` I made it.'' 
 
 No answer. 
 
 `` Hey, you there?'' 
 
 `` Oh, yeah, sorry,'' he said, fumbling to respond. `` I was just... there was a thing.'' 
 
 `` A thing?'' 
 
 `` Yeah. Ca n't tell you about it. Might... alter the future vortex... or whatever.'' 
 
 I grew somewhat skeptical. `` You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?'' 
 
 `` Give me some credit,'' he said. `` You would n't know either way. But trust me, this thing you're doing *is* important.'' 
 
 I sighed. What did I have to lose? 
 
 `` What next?'' I asked. 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Where's my stop?'' 
 
 `` Oh! Sorry. Right. Yes. Umm... Fourth and Johnson.'' 
 
 I pulled the cord and got off the bus. Further directions led me to a small thrift store. 
 
 `` Aisle three.'' 
 
 Oh god, what had happened here? It was if a tornado wreaked through leaving behind a trail of chaos and affordable prices. On one shelf sat a set of porcelain dolls, on another a three-armed Spider-man action figure standing proudly amongst several cartons of cigarettes. A jar of bottle caps here, obsolete tower computer there, booster packs of Pokemon card knockoffs strewn amongst rolls of aluminum foil. There was no organization, no order, and no conceivable attribute that all these things could possibly share... except that each one was labeled with a five-dollar price tag. 
 
 `` Keep walking forward until you see the red cardigan on your left.'' 
 
 I did as instructed. The cardigan was easy enough to spot; its bright color stood out like the undercover police officer at my thirteenth birthday party. 
 
 `` Okay, now what?'' 
 
 `` Reach behind it and feel around. You're looking for a box that's about five by six inches.'' 
 
 I pressed the phone against my shoulder with my ear so I could grope around with both hands. After a bit of searching, I wrapped my hands around a box wrapped in tight plastic that felt like the dimensions described to me. 
 
 `` I think I got it,'' I told him. 
 
 `` Take it,'' he said. 
 
 I pulled it straight off the shelf, knocking some obstructing items onto the floor. 
 
 *Malcolm in the Middle. The Complete Collection. Seasons 1-7. * 
 
 `` You're welcome,'' he whispered before he hung up.
