[ WP ] You pray to God , wishing that you will get a boyfriend/girlfriend before you die . He gives you immortality .

I am so beyond fucked. 
 
 I mean, my situation is beyond demented. It all started when I was an angsty teenager. At the time I was a little embarrassed that at the tender age of 17 I was still a virgin, and had never had a girlfriend. As I was raised in a very religious family it seemed only natural to shoot god a prayer and see if he could help me out. Miraculously it worked, however, my wording might have been a bit off. My prayer Verbatim was `` God please do n't let me die without ever having a girlfriend.'' When I got hit by a car going 35 a few weeks later I thought it was a little peculiar when all I got was a few bruises, when I fell down the stairs another week later and received no physical damage whatsoever I realized that god might have taken me a little bit too literally on that prayer. That's when I decided to never, ever, get a girlfriend. 
 
 As it turns out quasi immortality is n't quite all it's made out to be. Do n't get me wrong, in the beginning it was amazing, do whatever you want with only the most minimal of consequences. Jump off a bridge, have a bruise for a few days, punch a cop. A few months in jail is nothing to me. The best part was the drugs, oh man the drugs! Life as an immortal being can get a little *slow* at times. I basically spent the last 45 or so years looking for the next high. At first figuratively, I'd go base jumping, cliff-diving, street-racing, whatever adrenaline rush I could get. The problem with this is that when there is no real danger to my health these `` high-risk'' activities start feeling a lot less exciting than they used to. That's where the drugs came in. As it turns out immortality in no way inhibits the effects of of a gram of pure black tar heroin entering one's blood-stream. 
 
 The problem with this was that while drugs solved a great number of problems for me they also created some new ones, namely, how do I get more drugs? Over the last 120 years or so I had worked off and on in different jobs, but most of my time had been spent drifting and seeing the world. This meant that what I had in money was what I had in my tattered and frayed pockets, which was not much since I had already spent most of it on getting myself drug addicted in the first place. Having observed humanity for a great number of years, and through many different cultures I was fairly certain that there was only one really reliable way to procure funds quickly, violent crime. 
 
 Now let no one say that I was n't ethical about it, I decided early on that the crime with the least number of victims would be bank robbery. I also made the rule to only rob major chain banks that would not have their entire business destroyed by one minor robbery. To be honest I might have gone a bit overboard. As it turns out crime can be just as addictive as drugs. There was something new, something exciting about my new past-time, something that gave me the adrenaline rush that I had been craving. I have not been known to use understatements, so when I say I went a bit overboard I mean I went overboard. I robbed 12 banks in 14 days. Looking back now I remember that I did at some point realize that I had a problem, but I just shrugged it off telling myself that it was fine, `` after all, no one has gotten hurt.'' 2 days later I shot 3 police officers during a bank robbery gone-wrong. 
 
 I've never been the sentimental type, so the killing itself really does n't bother me all that much, what does cause me some difficulty are some of the repercussions. As it turns out the United States court system does not take too kindly to cop killers, and as it also turns out a life sentence is sort of hard to serve when you are immortal. Even if at some point someone in the prison system says `` hey, you've been in here for decades and have not aged a day,'' it will take at least 30 years for that to happen. I am NOT spending 30 years in here. I fear my only way out of here is death, which is *difficult* for me. The way I understand it the only way I can die is to get a girlfriend. I am serving a life sentence in a maximum security all-male prison while suffering from severe withdrawal and the only way I can escape it all is to get a girlfriend. 
 
 As I said, beyond fucked. 

