[ WP ] A demon who is really bad at his job keeps accidentally making the person he is possessing 's life better

`` My name is Fred, and I am a demon. This is a story about my failure. 
 `` It all began when I got my dream job: Contract Master. 
 `` They told me at the job interview that I was to find ways of making contracts that gave people what they wanted but with unintended consequences... kind of like that Elizabeth Hurley movie a few years ago. 
 `` Anyway, my very first assignment was to collect the soul of a man named Bob. 
 `` Bob was'one of the good ones' my bosses told me. A man that our most dastardly lord of the night desired for his Soul train -- the train where Lord Lucifer keeps all of his souls on... he has a thing for puns.... soooo evil. 
 `` Anyway, my task was to meet Bob, and trick him into making a contract with me for whatever he wanted in exchange for his soul. 
 `` I changed my appearance to that of a kindly looking old man and approached Bob when he was sad about his girlfriend being his hand: 
'Hello friend' 
'Piss off noob' 
'I'm sorry, I would like to make a deal with you... whatever you want in exchange for your soul' 
'Tits or GTFO' 
 `` And so I gave Bob tits. He plays with them all day. I decided making his tits be constantly lactating would be a good twist to his gift. Little did I know he would just drink his own milk and never leave his parents' basement, no longer requiring sustenance. Now I bide my time, waiting for the day that Bob dies. I hate Bob. He calls himself'the Infamous Hacker 4chan.' 
 `` He's hiding from the FBI but his time is coming soon.''
