[ WP ] God shows you 3 Doors . Door One leads to eternal happiness , Door Two leads to infinite knowledge . Then there is Door Three , and God has never opened it yet .

`` Aaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back,'' the bearded gameshow host crooned into the cameras `` with our final contestant, who has beat all the odds to make it to the final round.'' The rules had been pretty simple up until this point; answer the question right, get through the obstacle course, stuff as many marshmallows as possible into my mouth, etc. But this was the season finale... and it was sweeps week. I knew they were going to throw me some sort of curveball, but I had no idea it'd be this contrived. Before me, on the dias surrounded by cameras and a live studio were three doors. 
 
 `` And beyond one of these doors infernal, lies the secret to happiness eternal,'' the old man gestured smoothly. 
 The crowd ooh'd and aah'd at the command of the prompter. They hushed again as the old man's suspenseful tones filled the room again. 
 
 `` Beyond one of the doors in your sight, are endless answers to questions infinite.'' 
 The crowd ahh'd and then ooh'd this time, loudly enough to be picked up by the in-studio microphones, but not too loudly so that the campy gameshow theme music could n't be heard. 
 
 `` But beyond door the third, again lies treasures before unheard.'' 
 A hush fell over the crowd, as the host again turned to me. 
 
 `` So, which will it be?'' 
 
 I do n't remember much after that, but I guess my curiosity got the better of me. 
 All I know now is that I have a goat.
