[ WP ] A Shetland pony is thrown into a number of weird situations .

This was embarrassing. She will definitely be expecting a human, I reckon. I looked in the mirror again, checking the symmetry of my mane one last time. It was pointless though. I had no chance, not with my height. I was looking particularly adorable tonight though, maybe she'd take pity on me and give me a cheeky stroke or two. It was all I could hope for. 
 
 
 
 I looked at the inside of the bathroom door, hinged slightly ajar, sending a thin strip of light across her darkened bedroom. `` Are you okay in there?'' she shouted. No I am not fucking okay. `` Yeah, give me a second''. It was now or never. I nudged the door open with my nose with the tentativeness of a school boy opening the door to the headmaster's office. `` Hey there'' I said, with a forced arrogance like this was no big deal. She stared at me, jaw ajar. I was used to that look. `` Dave. Dave! How the fuck did you get a fucking pony into my house? What the fuck are you doing?'' 
 
 
 
 `` Language, Becca'' I quipped, trying to make light of the situation as best I could. But this situation was anything but light, this was obese. Full fat. A guilty pleasure, as far as situations go. This was the kind of situation that lonely women treat themselves to on a Friday night in front of a rom-com, before another guilt ridden detox that lasts half of the morning afterwards. 
 
 
 
 Becca, the poor girl, looked down to see that the hilarious quip had come from my own mouth. `` Wha... where's Dave?'' she looked light headed. Maybe that was the drink? She did have a lot. Probably not though. More then likely, I reasoned, her light headedness could be attributed to the fact she's just spoken to, and had a response from, a Shetland pony. A witty Shetland pony, mind you. 
 
 
 
 `` Ah, well there's something you should know about Dave. He's always-'' here I paused. Timing was everything. `` -engaging in horseplay.'' Boom. I stifled a laugh, unsuccessfully. That was gold. Becca did n't find it as funny, her drop-jawed face remained unchanged. She looked a bit ridiculous, like she was wearing a novelty halloween mask. Definitely a tough audience tonight. `` Nah, just kidding. I'm Dave. Did I not mention I occasionally turn into a Shetland pony? Or do I occasionally turn into a human? Hmm. Anyway, is this something we can get past? I'm usually a pony for a few nights, but then I'm back to good ole', more-attractive-then-average Dave.'' 
 
 
 
 Still, her face remained stuck. Was she a fainter? She did n't seem like a fainter. She looked pale, but she was taking off her make-up whilst I was in the bathroom. The last thing I want to do is insult her. I'll play it safe. `` Can I get you a glass of water? And maybe we can talk about it.'' 
 
 
 
 `` H... how are you going to hold the glass?'' A fair point, but maybe a little harsh. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. Maybe that was my only hope of getting through to her. Maybe I had to suggest things I obviously could n't do in the hopes of coaxing some more passive aggressive put-downs. Perhaps, Becca, we could spoon, before I challenge you to a thumb war and we round off the night with a game of fifa. How does that sound, you condescending bitch? Nah, let's play by her rules. `` Good point.'' I bowed my cute, fluffy head towards the ground, in a desperate attempt to look as hurt, yet adorable, as possible. That always got them. 
 
 
 
 A few seconds passed, but she had n't reacted. I wanted to glance up, one, to make sure she has n't passed out, and two, to see whether I was eliciting even the smallest amount of sympathy. But glancing up would ruin my solemn façade. `` I guess... I guess I just thought you'd like me for who I am... not... not what I am.'' Oh yes, I nailed that. It's impossible to resist a sentimental pony, everyone knows that. I was playing the hand I'd been dealt like a true pro. 
 
 
 
 `` I... I do n't think I can have a conversation with a fucking pony. I think I need to go to sleep. You can see yourself out.'' said Becca, slumping onto her bed. He shoots, he misses. 
 
 
 
 `` I understand. Sure I ca n't tempt you into a hoof job before I go?'' It was worth a try.
