[ WP ] You have broken the hearts of Death and Time , both do n't want anything to do with you . As such , you ca n't die through circumstance and old age . After 700 years , you decide to win them back , but we all know what happens when you attempt to date two people at the same time..

`` You're looking rather sickly.'' I said while stirring my drink. 
 
 `` Oh shush with that silver tongue, you'll make me blush.'' This skin had long since fallen from the bones beneath the robe, making it literally impossible to blush, but I did n't mention it. Instead I smiled warmly. 
 
 `` All the same, you know I'm not lying. Just the sight of you could topple a grown elephant.'' 
 
 He giggled a little and I buried the urge to roll my eyes. It felt almost like cheating, he had *such* an ego and no one to stroke it. It's miraculous what a little appreciation can do for the spirit; even a spirit as old as him. 
 
 He rested his elbows on the table and leaned in. `` You know it's funny you mention elephants, this one time in Zambia, there was a horrible drought --'' 
 
 Oh my Goddddd. Not the Zambia story *again*. It's not fucking impressive. They were an endangered species you ass. Still, I politely sipped my drink. Even pretended to almost spit it out at the `` funny bits'' of the story. 
 
 `` -- and the hyenas did n't even do anything! Because they were all dried husks too! Ha!'' He rocked backwards in his chair, caught up in his memories. 
 
 `` You know, that was just around the time I met you.'' he mentioned absentmindedly. `` Where was it? Switzerland? Sweden?'' He scrunched up his skull in concentration. 
 
 `` France.'' I replied curtly. `` My brother died in France.'' 
 
 `` Ah yes... France. The City of *Lamour*'' He breathed out a contented sigh while my knuckles were white beneath the table. He spoke French about as well as a geriatric trying to slurp up oysters seductively. He looked at me longingly. `` You do n't look a day older than you did back then you know.'' 
 
 A wry smile caught my lips. `` Yes, Time has n't been kind to me.'' 
 
 Have you heard of dramatic irony? Well, so has Time and she's quite a fan of it. In fact, she's a fan of most things dramatic. And so naturally, it was of course at that exact moment that she decided to show up. 
 
 `` The *FUCK* is this?'' Her eyes were alight with fury. `` I just happen to be walking by, fresh off a jaunt through the Romantic Era with a hop in my step to find you *cheating on me*! How *could* you! And with *him*!'' 
 
 I can guarantee you she did not just `` happen'' upon us. She almost certainly was stalking us. I ca n't go anywhere without her watching my every move and influencing my every decision. 
 
 `` Ah, my dear. Perfect... you-ing. You remember Death of course?'' I gestured across, trying my best to look unperturbed. 
 
 `` Of course I fucking remember him! He's always got his nasty little digits in all of my plans! And I'll be damned if he's ruining this for me too!'' She had looked about ready to pop. 
 
 `` Please, my sweet. Let me explain...'' I put on my most placating voice. I really needed this to work. 
 
 `` HOLD UP. Your'sweet'? Your'dear'? You two are together again? I thought this was a date! I even put on my slightly-darker black robe for this!'' Death fumed and a shroud of darkness began to uncoil beneath him. 
 
 ``... you're on a date with him? After everything he's done to you?'' She looked at me with tearful eyes. `` After everything I've done *for* you?''. Time seemed to slow as her anger became replaced with hurt. She was always so prone to mood swings. Her mood would change with the season. Or it would change the season. Whatever. 
 
 Death raged. `` What I've *done*!? What's she talking about? I've never touched you! I never laid a finger on you!'' 
 
 I could n't handle them anymore. Either of them. 
 
 `` Not me, my brother!'' I could feel my emotions getting the better of me. 
 
 `` And my parents. My sisters. My friends. Even my fucking dogs.'' I could feel my disgust starting to rise up again. `` Literally everyone, but me!'' 
 
 Death looked down at his metatarsals. `` I'm sorry... it's my job. I thought you understood that.'' 
 
 Time took the opportunity to look indignant for me. `` Well it's a horrible job, and it does n't make you any less of an asshole.'' 
 
 My blood boiled. 
 
 `` You think you're any better?'' I turned on her. Ready to let out seven centuries of pain. `` He only takes them after you've had your fun with them! Stretching their faces, shrinking their bodies, destroying their plans and their dreams! At least when he takes them, it's quick. They have to *endure* you.'' 
 
 Time stood still. Her face was a frozen mask of pain and insecurity. 
 
 After what felt like ( and likely was ) an eternity, Death spoke. 
 
 `` Why then? Why seek us out? Why did n't you just do what everyone else did? Grow old and die.'' 
 
 I breathed in deep and tried to form the words that I'd spend many lifetimes trying to come to terms with. 
 
 `` Because I thought flirting with Death was the surest way to avoid him coming to find me of his own accord. Because I was afraid.'' 
 
 `` And me?'' Time was n't looking at me. Her mind still pondering'what-ifs' while her eyes stared blankly at the old, broken tiles of the coffee shop we were in. 
 
 `` You... I could n't do anything to get away from you. Long ago I thought maybe I could control you, but now I know all too well that you dictate every single thing I do.'' 
 
 Silence settled heavily around the three of us. Nothing moved around us, although that was n't new. Living a life apart had taken it's toll, and as I looked out into the barren remains of the world I was once a part of, I was reminded again of what my fear and desperation had bought me. In a world where Time and Death had taken everyone else, I was left alone. 
 
 Death looked at me, with solemn sockets. `` Are you still afraid?'' 
 
 Time stared at me as well. `` Do you still want to control me?'' 
 
 I shook my head and the two came to me. 
 
 `` No. Never again.'' I sighed as I embraced them both. 
 
 It was a deep and weary sigh.
