[ WP ] [ TT ] There is panic , there is chaos and there is google .

`` Help my burner is on fire what do I do?'' 
 
 I typed it as fast as I could into the Google text box, slamming the Enter key. Every other second, I turned my head around to view the stove going up into smoke and flame. 
 
 My eyes fluttered around the page as it displayed 12.5 million results. The first page result appeared to be... decorative alternatives to fireplace logs? 
 
 From behind me, the fire grew taller, as though it was trying to reach my imported curtains. Dammit! I do n't have time for fire glass products! 
 
 I looked down at the second page. *How to Put Out Kitchen Fires - For Dummies*. Perfect -- hey, I'm not a dummy. Despite not appreciating the name of the website, I clicked on the page. From there I read: 
 
 `` When a fire starts in the kitchen, you need to act fast to keep the fire from getting out of control. But how you act depends on -- WANT TO BE PART OF OUR PAID DUMMIES STUDY? TAKE THE SURVEY TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY --'' 
 
 No! Go to Hell! I hit the backspace key, hardly able to focus long enough to find the little *X* symbol on that pop-up. I could hear the kitchen fire consuming my imported curtain. I groaned loudly. Those were a Christmas gift, too. 
 
 I skipped down to find another page: *Smoking Electric Stove Burners and How to Deal*. Now this page seems like the real deal. I let my AdBlocker absorb six or seven ads before I proceeded to scroll. 
 
 `` *Dear Home Ec 101, * I have lived in 3 apartments -- WE CAN HELP. GET ANSWERS TO LIFE'S EVERYDAY QUESTIONS RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX. SUBSCRIBE TODAY!'' 
 
 This time, I actually managed to focus long enough to hit the *X* button on the right to continue reading. 
 
 `` I have lived in 3 apartments in the past 5 years and every single one has had smoking stove burners.'' Skip, skip, skip, ya-da-ya-da. I got the feeling that this was n't what I was looking for, but somehow I kept reading closer to the bottom. 
 
 `` *Heather says: * You know the phrase your parents used to utter in complete exasperation,'And this is why you ca n't have nice things?''' 
 
 Goddamn you, goddamn you all! I could smell the smoke as it approached me nearer. I hit the backspace again, rubbing my temples as I looked behind me. The kitchen is n't even visible anymore! How am I supposed to know what else is burning now! Remaining steadfast, I continued to read through the search result list. 
 
 `` What's the Best Way to Safely Put Out a Grease Fire?'' Do potatoes count as grease? I scrolled down. 
 
 `` Help! I started a fire in my gas bbq ( again! )'' I'm not even using a barbecue grill! I knew I should have put `` kitchen'' into the search. 
 
 `` What to Do When Your Gas Fireplace Wo n't Light | Angies List''. Oh God have mercy on me. 
 
 The smoke of the fire seeped through the kitchen, into the dining hall and living room, enveloping me in a dense gray fog. I caught myself inhaling deeper and deeper, as though all the oxygen in the air was beginning to disappear. 
 
 Calm down, I thought to myself as my hands gripped the table on which my laptop sat. You feel like you ca n't breathe, and you think you're about to die. Think, self: what does this remind you of? After a moment of contemplation, a pair of fingers snapped in the air. It feels good to know what to do. 
 
 I hit the Home key on my keyboard, letting it take me to the top of the page. My mouse highlighted over my previous search before hitting the backspace key. I bit my lip and clutched at my chest with one hand. I began to hyperventilate as I typed in my new search. 
 
 `` Help I think im havign apanic attacj wgart odi do?? /''
