[ WP ] Make a banal discussion between two people sound sophisticated/classy

A: Let us now turn our discourse towards a matter of upmost importance 
 
 B: Speak then 
 A: Does thou, my dearest brother, have the ability to recall the previous chance you went to market? 
 
 B: Aye, that I can 
 A: And does thou recall the name of the lavatory parchment you purchased 
 
 B: I can not. 
 
 A: Precisely—now my dearest brother and comrade, let me implore you this simple request: do take care to purchase the more…sumptuous…of the brands if you please. For how this scraggled stuff scratches my bottom so. 
 
 B: By God's Blood! Does your manhood come covered with doilies and frills? The parchment goes on your arse as good as any, and I ’ d prefer to spend my gold on better goods. 
 
 A: And what perchance, my bossom friend, can be more important than a comfortably buffered backside during this foulest of corporeal functions? Speak! 
 
 B: Ach! As weak as a feather in the wind and twice as soft are ye. Meat! Beer! These are the goods I would have per the chance to get it, would you not spend our hard earned currency on your fragile self. Find your manhood! 
 
 A: An incorrigible brute you are. Be it sure that in the future, I will be the one going to market. 
 
 B: As you wish….by God ’ s blood he ’ s softer than the fruit of the vine, he is. 

