[ WP ] You discover that Earth is the `` North Korea '' of the galaxy

Ian definitely felt naked, but also definitely comfortable. It was a weird sensation, especially in the compromising position he was in: prostrate on a soft, heated table. The whole of his package was cradled in a warm, gooey socket that seemed just warmer than his body temperature. It was pleasant, in a non-sexual way. However, thinking about how non-sexual the goo-socket was, he immediately washed his mind in lurid thoughts. 
 
 Before he could wiggle his pelvis, he heard words being spoken from behind a door. They were getting louder, footsteps clomping in rhythm with the faint beeps of the room. With a near silent thhhp the automatic doors opened. 
 
 “ No, no they're completely edible! ” said the first voice. 
 
 “ I would n't feel comfortable, they have all of those disgusting dangly bits. ” said the other. 
 
 Ian's heart rate jumped. Faint beeps somewhere near him intensified. 
 
 “ Oh no, I think that one can hear us. Did you leave the pervasive interpreter on again? ” 
 
 “ Gah, I must have. Hey there, little guy! ” the second said, condescendingly in Ian's face. The creature was almost human except for the rather disgusting shade of green and being completely hairless. 
 
 “ What.. What's going on? ” Ian managaed to stammer. The goo-socket was no longer on his mind. 
 
 “ Oh come on, you're a smart young... emm... I want to say zebra, but I know I'm wrong. Valdis, why ca n't I get'zebra' out of my head? ” 
 
 “ I do n't know, Drevin. Come on, stop toying with him. We have to find out what's inside him. For science, you see. ” Valdis directed that last bit at Ian. Ian's face smacked of terror. 
 
 “ Alright alright let's not traumatize him, it'll make everything so much harder. Here, boy, ask us anything you like before we put you under again. Bear in mind, we just told you why we're doing this: for science. ” 
 
 “ For science. ” Valdis echoed simultaneously. 
 
 “ Uhh uh uhh.. ” Ian groaned “ Ha-, uh, have you been to Earth before? ” The question seemed trite as it left Ian's lips. He was just realizing he was very heavily drugged. 
 
 “ Wow, that's what you went with? ” Valdis asked. 
 
 Ian whimpered. 
 
 “ Yes, actually, several times. You all think you're so secluded and alone, it's no wonder we have to sedate every one of you. Tell me, do your people still believe in... em... what was it, Valdis? Got? Do you all still worship that Got fellow? ” 
 
 “ You mean God? ” Ian replied sheepishly. 
 
 “ No, that does n't sound right, but maybe. I once knew a fellow named Got, absolute brute. And I bet you believe this'God' fellow does n't use the restroom, either, do n't you? ” Drevin tisked, shaking his head. `` Welp, down you go. Sleep, little zebra. All good things await you in Hebben.'' 
 
 Drevin's voice faded, and in his final seconds of consciousness, Ian thought how much the aliens description of Earth sounded like North Korea. And how cozy that socket was.
