[ WP ] The human species has gone extinct thousands of years ago . Extraterrestrial explorers find a sample of human DNA and decide to resurrect the species once again . You are the first new human growing up in a completely alien society .

`` Snyder,'' They told me as I was born, `` You are a special little boy. You *are* humanity, all that's left. Please help us to know your kind. Do you understand?'' 
 
 I cried. I was a fuckin' baby. Dipshits did n't know how babies worked. 
 
 Ya know how well a sentient beam of light can change a fuckin' diaper? Not very well. I was swaddled in shit till I was five. And they kept saying, `` oh Snyder, Snyder, you're so very important!'' 
 
 Crock of fucking horseshit. Next thing I know they're all, `` We know you're special, wah wah, but do n't have fun! We're afraid we do n't see why you choose to take that car for a joyride! Help us understand why you stab Arxthuis so!'' 
 
 This Christmas, I asked for a fucking goddamn Gameboy. They do n't even know what a Gameboy is. They're the worst parents in the whole stupid fucking world and I'm running away - I'm 8, I can make my own fucking decisions. 
 
 ***** 
 
 **Epilogue** 
 
 `` GRXKULUS, LOOK - THE EARTH CHILD RAN OFF.'' 
 
 `` YES, WE SEE ITS LIFELESS FORM FLOATING IN ORBIT. WE WONDER WHY IT CHOSE TO LEAVE ITS HABITAT,'' 
 
 `` SHALL WE START ANOTHER HUMAN?'' 
 
 ``...... NO. WE DEEM THAT THING TO BE AN ASSHOLE.''
