[ WP ] In accordance with the Laws of Recess little Jimmy is put on trial in Playground court .

`` Jimmy P,'' the judge said in sonorous tones. `` You stand before the Court of Recess accused of two counts of pigtail pulling, one count of lying about your uncle beating up John Cena, and four counts of smelling like smelly diaper that smells of bad smell. How do you plead? Poophead, or Not Poophead?'' 
 
 Jimmy P raised himself up to his full height - around four foot. `` This court has no authority!'' He shouted. `` This is not justice!'' 
 
 The crowd gasped in shock. The judge banged his pencil against a rock sternly. `` Answer the question, Mr P.'' 
 
 `` I'm *not* a Poophead!'' Jimmy shouted. 
 
 The Right Honorable Chad Tyler nodded as only a Chad can. `` Prosecutionist?'' 
 
 Sally Filowitz took to the floor. `` Your honour, this is is an open and shut case. I put it in the court that on the day that today is but I do n't know the date, Jimmy P did knowfully and *literally* pull Marcie Fletcher's pigtails, like three times.'' She turned on her heels, and screeched `` MARCIE!'' 
 
 `` Yes?'' Came a timid voice from the crowd. 
 
 `` Can you see the boy that pulled your pigtails anywhere in this playground?'' 
 
 `` Yes,'' the voice replied. 
 
 There was a brief pause. `` OK,'' she said. `` So who was it then?'' 
 
 `` Jimmy P,'' she said. `` I *told* you that. I already told you. This is stupid. I'm going to jump rope.'' 
 
 The crowd murmured. Damning, damning evidence. 
 
 `` Does the defence have a butt?'' Judge Chad asked. 
 
 Jimmy's defence lawyer was young ( as, really, they all were ) and hungry ( because she'd forgotten her lunch ). She stood before the hostile eyes and asked, in clear voice. `` Marcie, are you *sure* it was Jimmy P? Like super-sure?'' 
 
 Marcie did not answer, for the record would later reflect she was, indeed, playing jump rope. 
 
 `` No answer? The defence has not been offered an opportunity to butt. I move that her testimony be enstruckened from the record.'' 
 
 Judge Chad was a douchebag, as all Chads were, but his hands were tied here. `` Sustained,'' he said. `` In the light of the witness' disappearing, her testimony will be enstruckened. The charges of pony-tail pulling will be dropped.'' 
 
 Sally pounded her fist down on the space where her desk would have been if she'd had a desk. `` The prosecutionists call the second expert witness. Billy Shaffer. Billy!'' 
 
 Billy Shaffer stood before the crowd. `` Jimmy P said that John Cena was at his birthday party, and he ate all the cake and he ate all the hotdogs and Jimmy's uncle asked him to leave because he was eating all the food and John Cena would n't move and Jimmy's uncle beat him up and threw him out and John Cena was all beated up and Jimmy's uncle did the beating to him.'' 
 
 Sally looked at the crowd. `` Can any of us believe that?'' She looked at Marcie. `` Your witness, slut.'' 
 
 Marcie stood. `` Billy,'' she said. `` Did you attend Jimmy's party?'' 
 
 Billy snorted. `` No,'' he said. `` Nobody did. Jimmy's got no friends.'' 
 
 `` Indeed,'' Marcie said. `` So how can you be sure that this event did not happen?'' 
 
 `` Because,'' Billy said, `` it's a lie.'' 
 
 Marcie turned to the Right Honorable Chad. `` This court is not interested in the opinions of a boy who called Miss Smith *mom* last week,'' she said. `` We are interested in facts. Did *anyone* attend this party? Can *any* of us say that we saw these events?'' 
 
 The crowd muttered. It was true; Jimmy really did have no friends. No-one could corroborate the story. 
 
 Judge Chad shook his head sadly. `` The charges of lying about John Cena must be regretfully dropped. And I advise the prosecutionists to research their case more better in future.'' 
 
 Sally scowled and stuck her tongue out at Marcie. `` The last charge is the clearest. We all know that Jimmy P smells like a smelly diaper that smells of bad smell. We can prove this with our own noses!'' 
 
 The crowds inhaled Jimmy's smell. 
 
 Jimmy looked at Marcie, pleadingly. 
 
 `` What do you want from me?'' she asked. `` I told you to take the plea deal.''
