[ WP ] You find a strange metal box in your backyard , attached to a parachute . Printed on it 's surface is a phone number , as well as instructions : `` THIS CONTAINER IS THE PROPERTY OF THE U.S. GOVERNMENT . IF YOU RECOVER IT , CALL THIS NUMBER IMMEDIATELLY . DO NOT ATTEMPT TO OPEN ''

Today started like any other Saturday morning. I slept in. I wish I could say that I was out partying all night but unless playing Skyrim for the twentieth ( thirtieth? ) time counts that was n't the case. 
 
 I finally oozed out of bed around noon, put on some coffee, and surfed Reddit while eating a bowl of cereal. 
 
 The neighbor called asking what was in my backyard. I had no idea. To be honest I hadn ’ t set foot in it all week. I thought he was being passive aggressive about the fact that I didn ’ t mow often enough to suit him. It was rather difficult to do so since I didn ’ t have a lawnmower. I would just borrow his when the dandelions were threatening his pristine lawn. 
 
 Turns out that wasn ’ t it this time. I opened the curtains coughing on the dust as I did so. Outside was a gleaming steel box attached to a parachute. I went out to investigate. On the side of the box the words, “ PROPERTY OF THE US GOVERNMENT…. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO OPEN ”. 
 
 I scratched my head and sipped a little more of my coffee. This was certainly not what I expected. I carefully examined the box and prodded it with my foot. My neighbor rushed outside almost instantly. 
 
 “ What is it? ” he asked curiously. 
 
 “ I dunno. It says that it ’ s property of the US Government, to call them, and not to fuck with it. ” 
 
 “ Sooo… what are you going to do with it? ” 
 
 “ I ’ m going to call them and not fuck with it. ” My neighbor looked relieved. 
 
 “ I prefer not to game IRL. ” 
 
 “ What? ” 
 
 “ Nothing. ” I then called the number and went inside to watch some Naruto. 

