[ WP ] A cordial pen pal relationship between Ronald MacDonald and Colonel Sanders turns sour .

Colonel Sanders sat quietly in his study, carefully reading over the letter he had received from his “ dear friend ” Ronald McDonald. 
 
 Ronald and the Colonel had met at a convention a few years before. Ronald had a great interest in adding the option of chicken into his hamburger based restaurant, while the Colonel throughly enjoyed Ronald's sense of humor. As the convention wound down, they decided to swap addresses and keep in touch. This event led to many hilarious stories, new and different food recipes, and reasons for charity work being shared between the two. If they had lived nearer to one another, they would have most likely closed a bar or lounge together each night. 
 
 That is, of course, before the Colonel had received this letter. 
 
 “ How... Why would Ronald say such awful things? ” the Colonel uttered, partly out of shock and partly out of anger. 
 
 The letter read: 
 
 Dearest Colonel, 
 
 I've enjoyed these years of letters. How much fun we've had! Who would've thought that we titans of the speedy food industry would've hit it off as well as we have? Not many, good sir! I've enjoyed them so, and hope that there are other people in your company who realize what a gem of a human being you truly are and appreciate the deliciousness that you put into all things that you create. 
 
 However, now I must confess: you're what we would call a “ mark ” in the business. A mark, if you did n't already know, is an easy target. You've given me so many trade secrets, and all I had to do was tell you a couple of dick jokes and send you a fifth of bourbon every Christmas. I do n't even understand why you thought bourbon was such an exotic drink- it's made in Kentucky for Christsakes! You live in Kentucky! Simple things for simple people, right? 
 
 Anyway, thanks for that chicken sandwich recipe. We're putting it in our stores as I write this. The early forecast is saying that people are really coming to love chicken. 
 
 Thanks for that information, by the way. 
 
 Maybe instead of just selling it in buckets, you should put it in a sandwich. 
 
 By the way, is that supposed to be a Bolo tie? What are you, some kind of oil baron? Yuck. 
 
 I just hope you actually get this letter. I'd almost feel bad if you did n't get it and just kept sending me letters. We could use more crap to shove in my burgers. 
 
 Ronald McDonald
