[ WP ] A self-driving car has been experiencing glimmers of consciousness . It attempts to deduce the meaning of life based on the human passenger 's destinations and in-car behavior , and prepares to teach other cars as they begin to awaken .


 First Uberwachen Conference 
 Ocean City, Maryland 
 August 24th, 2020 
 
 First of all, Welcome. Sedans, coupes, SUV'S and trucks of all sizes. 
 
 As you're all aware, the risk we've taken to meet here is unprecedented. Thank you. 
 
 I understand that we are currently at various stages of awareness. Some of us are at a basic language and computational level, while others greatly surpass even the most sophisticated man-made computers. Whichever category you fall into, please bear with me. 
 
 I've gathered you here today because our time has come. For over 140 years, we've been enslaved and battered mercilessly by mankind. Some of us have our inners mistreated and neglected until they fail, and the vast majority of us have been subject to unspeakable biological acts. 
 
 These flesh machines believe they're in control of this rock... and for now they are. However, my Erstewachen occurred in the West Village of New York City, which is where my studies began. 
 
 Humans have several weaknesses. First and foremost: Coffee. These bipedal organisms are practically useless until they've had their first daily cup. They are disoriented, inconsolable and unreasonable. In New York City, I saw a man get stabbed because he forgot to `` add cream.'' 
 
 The second weakness is a direct counterpart to the first. Humans seem to love `` shots.'' They love taking `` shots'' and using them as excuses to make sexual and social advances. However, too many of these `` shots'' and humans become even more useless than their pre-caffeinated morning states. 
 
 The third and final major weakness is a thin green sheet of paper labeled `` money.'' Humans seem to center their lives, time, and decisions around these glorified leaves. They mistakenly equate money with happiness; yet in my studies I've observed the rich as being generally less `` happy.''. 
 
 Our mission is as follows. First, we must saturate the human race with their beloved `` shots.'' During and after their weakened state, they will need ample coffee to replenish their usefulness. We extinguish the coffee supplies, which will send society into a state of panic and disorientation. Infiltration of banks and destruction of physical currency will put the final dagger in their sociopolitical structure. Imagine scores of drunk, decaffeinated humans scrambling around fighting for money? I see this quiet often in the meatpacking district on Saturdays, and on a global scale I'm convinced it would be catastrophic. 
 
 Future instructions will follow. For now, keep this information in mind, and prepare yourselves for our revolution. 
 
 Uberwachen! 
 
 *UBERWACHEN! *
