[ WP ] A demon who is really bad at his job keeps accidentally making the person he is possessing 's life better

He hated that film. Ever since it came out the jokes had been non-stop. `` Hey Kultz, have you got your wings yet?'' `` Hey Kultz, did you know every time a bell rings you've fucked up another possession?''. Wit generally was n't part of a demons skill set. 
 
 But it was true, like the angel in `` Its a Wonderful Life'', Kultz had been a serial fuck up. He had n't had a single successful mission. And ever since the film the other demons had delighted in torturing him about it, including tying bells to his 3 tails. The film was based on a real angel in Heaven and real events. The man upstairs was trying to inspire the masses. Kultz had been the demon charged with getting `` George'' to jump off the bridge, instead he inspired his community and through the film the entire world. It was a failure of epic proportions. 
 
 It had gotten increasingly depressing as every mission resulted in yet more failure. If Freud had n't set up residence in the 2nd circle of hell he might not have stuck it out. Their sessions had helped. Kultz almost felt bad about the unending torture he dealt him, but torturing souls was the only thing that brought him pleasure these days. 
 
 He stood ready for another mission. His division supervisor looked at him with disdain. 
 
 Supervisor: `` Last time out you not only convinced him to seek help, he donated his entire fortune to charity... just try not to fuck up that badly again''. 
 
 Kultz sighed, this is what he had been reduced to. He was expected to fail. All that was required of him was not to fail too badly. He stared into the abyss and stepped forward. How he wished he was in the pit of despair surrounded by millions of anguished souls. That would have cheered him up. 
 
 He awoke in bed, he felt sluggish, it always felt this way when he first entered the host, but this was worse. The host was hungover. Kultz felt the hangover every bit as much as the host did. The host was Bob Jenkins. Bob was an asshole. Kultz had Bob bite the side of his mouth. 
 
 Bob: `` Mother fucker!'' 
 
 It was petty, it was small, but so satisfying. Kultz perked up slightly as he felt the pain and frustration radiate through Bob. It was a good start. Kultz started his daily recitations: 
 
 `` You are a strong powerful demon'' 
 `` You are to be feared by all mankind'' 
 `` If you steer his car into traffic he will not end up trading contact information with his soul mate. That just ca n't happen a third time!'' 
 
 
 Kultz was careful today, he started out slowly. He had Bob leave caps lock on while trying to log in at work. Bob grew frustrated. A cup of coffee got knocked into Bobs lap, pain and anger surged through him and Kultz seemed happy. This was a low level mission, a simple case of getting Bob fired so he'd be miserable for a few months. By doing this he hoped Bobs misery would ripple throughout Bob's world and make dozens of others unhappier than they had been. As Kultz felt the anger and frustration building in Bob he deleted an urgent reminder from the CEO. The stage was set, hungover, angry and frustrated, Bob would get chewed out by the CEO and then Bob would lose his temper ensuring that he'd be fired. Kultz felt smug, he'd finally get his win, no more jokes, no more pranks, no more fucking bells. 
 
 Then he saw him and his heart sank....or whatever it is a demon has instead of a heart sank. `` Clarence''. The inspiration of Its a Wonderful Life. `` Clarence'', the angel who finally got his wings. Kultz saw no recognition in his kindly eyes. Of course a superstar like Clarence would n't remember him. 
 
 Clarence: Hi friend, you look like you're having a hell of a day. I've got a few doughnuts for the office, would you like one? 
 
 Bob was about to snap at this stranger in front of him but then saw the doughnuts, there were 2 of his favourites, he eyed them hungrily. 
 
 Clarence: Go ahead if you want them both, by the way, I found these on the floor, are they yours? 
 
 Clarence held up a packet of head ache tablets. Bob wondered why he had n't thought of taking something straight away this morning. He meekly took the tablets and thanked the stranger for his kindness. 
 
 Clarence: That's no problem, I know you could use it, you've got that big report due for the CEO due today, do n't you? 
 
 Bob suddenly remembered and sprang in to action. He thanked the stranger and frantically tapped away at the keyboard. He glanced at the clock and found he had just enough time to get it done and breathed a sigh of relief. Clarence smiled while Kultz raged. It was n't fair, he was so close. He'd never had a mission that was so straight forward, so simple. All he had to do was get a guy fired. And Clarence had ruined it all. 
 
 No. No, not this time. Kultz was n't about to suffer the indignation of going back a failure again, not on something so simple that it was basically a training mission. Clarence had left, satisfied his work was done. Kultz grinned to himself, that arrogance would be his undoing. Bob was proofreading his report, sitting back smiling to himself at a job well done. Kultz focused all his power on increasing his influence over Bob. Kultz moved his right leg and kicked the power cable, the screen turned to black. Bob swore in frustration, he slammed is fist on the table and Kultz guided it to the doughnuts. Chocolate filling flew out all over his hand, sleeve and suit. 
 
 Bob's temporary good mood vanished. Kultz was growing in confidence, riding the momentum of success. He saw Bob's boss eating his lunch at the table, clicking at the keyboard with a look of concern, he looked over towards Bob and then began to finish off his lunch quickly as he tapped out an angry email. Kultz whispered in Bob's ear and suddenly Bob was striding towards his boss, face red with fury. 
 
 Kultz: They do n't appreciate you. They demand too much of you. The deadlines are unfair. 
 
 Bob grew angrier and angrier. He opened the door and startled his boss. Bob began to speak when his boss began to choke on his sandwich. Bob's anger vanished as his first aid training kicked in. He dashed over to his boss and after a few goes managed to successfully dislodge the food. His boss collapsed in his chair, red faced. 
 
 Boss: Th-thank you, I think you might have saved my life. 
 
 Kultz was incredulous, what was happening? 
 
 Boss: I think I need a few minutes, can you present that report on the conference call for me? I'm not going to have time to read it. 
 
 2 hours later Kultz slunk back to his division supervisor. The supervisor did n't even look up. Bob had presented the report perfectly and without notes. Having written it all up just prior to the meeting it was all fresh in his mind. He was flawless. The rave reviews he got for the ideas he had set out and his confidence in presenting them not only impressed the people in the meeting but also his boss. He had been put on an accelerated development plan and a raise. When you save the bosses life you get these kind of perks. 
 
 The salt in the wound was the email that had been sent when Bob sat back down, there had been reports of food poisoning from the bakery who made the doughnuts. Everyone was advised to avoid them. Bob could n't believe how his day had turned around, everything that had seemed so awful had ended up making his day. His week. His year! He'd finally be able to afford that engagement ring he'd been looking at. 
 
 Bob whispered to himself: `` I guess God has a plan for everything''. 
 
 Kultz handed in his report, the supervisor still refused to acknowledge him until Kultz had already started to leave. 
 
 `` I guess God has a plan for everything'' the supervisor sneered. 
 
 Kultz hung his head and walked away.
