[ WP ] You got ten sleeping pills on one side to pick , or you chose to be alive .

When I first heard her proposal the answer seemed obvious. 
 
 Then again, it was after a solid four hours and twenty something minutes of sleep that she had shook me awake seeking an answer with a ferocity akin to a St. Bernard rescuing the victim of an avalanche. 
 
 Bright eyed and smiling like the night before, which had felt as if I was on a black diamond run through a dense forest ending with a crash in a cloud like snowbank. I had welcomed my bed. I still liked the idea, however at the moment was being teased by the sheets caressing my skin as Sienna held out her hands expectantly. 
 
 Only now after having asked her to repeat herself a third time, to have an annoyed look shot my way, did I think to listen for what the catch was. The benevolence she once exuded had slowly formed to a cool indifference like when the morning sun has tricked you into thinking you could go outside without extra layers. 
 
 `` You can take these pills and go into the deepest sleep you've ever or will ever experience, you wo n't feel pain anymore, and your body will still function for the next week or so. That means you'll have at least 42 REM cycles to figure out how to awaken. If you're lucky, you wo n't have or need any more.'' 
 Her words poured from her mouth similar to the last drops from the can of maple syrup onto a stack of cold pancakes. 
 
 `` If you figure out how to achieve lucidity, that should n't be too hard. That is, if you are wise enough to know what to and what not to do.'' 
 
 ``... Or?'' 
 
 There it was again, a glimmer caused by the shift in her stare telling me she knew her words had yet to be absorbed by my pre-breakfast mind. 
 
 `` Or you stay awake in this winter filled life, treading through snow filled fields searching for a meaning while you spend a third of the time at a job you find no purpose in, a quarter of it senselessly trying to run from what you do find, falling flat faced into a soft yet painful pile of wake up from time to time, the other numbly sleeping in a curled ball desperately clinging to your comfort and the rest eating, shitting and washing the daily grime away.'' 
 
 `` Sienna, could n't you have brought this up yesterday- I mean lastnight- I mean before we crashed? I ca n't think with this little sleep or on an empty stomac-'' 
 
 `` Are n't you tired of excuses getting in your way to the warmth of self assurance, of happiness?'' 
 She cut me off before I could finish telling her she should join me, instead of rambling on about things better suited for the night after a cup of hot cider, or better yet one spiked with rum. 
 
 `` Of course, but I did n't think happiness meant suicide, let alone on my first day of vacation in years'' 
 
 I sat back against the hotel's headboard, getting ready for the cold touch of the floor on my feet to snap me out of my muddled morning mind. Sure what she was talking about sounded great, but it also felt like a Sci-fi movie and life was far too harshly realistic to treat like a film. 
 
 `` But now is the perfect time! The only time. You've been asleep barely long enough to finish your third stage of REM, I've kept you up for an hour now, and you have n't eaten in over 12hrs. The alcohol has dehydrated you making it easier to hallu-'' 
 
 `` This is some kind of joke right? We only met yesterday...'' I choked on my words, but had to cut her off, she was talking with a premeditated air which brought a chill down my spine. That should've been alien to the girl who had listened with wonder to my stories about conspicuous conspiracies of corporate cruelty the previous night. 
 
 `` Look, I think you're great but I think you have the wrong person for this kind of adventure. I- I'm not comfortable with taking pharmaceuticals. Much less, from someone I've known for so little time or in an amount that is promising a trip to an endless slumber.'' 
 
 I had stumbled over what I was saying, but was confident I had gotten my point across, and could now begin contemplating what I was going to eat once I got to the buffet downstairs. The growing silence and her cool stare affirmed that for me, and I began to get out from under the covers. 
 
 Pulling my legs up turning to leave I was caught by her hand grabbing my knee and spinning me back under the comforter before my feet could reach the ground. Sienna was now glaring at me measuring my movements and reaction, but my voice was suddenly lost. 
 
 `` I know you know what today is'' 
 
 A flurry of thoughts came rushing with what she said and my will to fight the lunacy in her words froze, letting my head fall back against the backboard, and legs straighten out underneath the weight of what I heard. I had thought that I had escaped the depression that seeks me out every year by coming here, finally I had been allowed to let go of the past and move on with my life. I knew things were n't perfect but at least I did n't have to think about this anymore. Yet here I was being told by someone I hardly knew that I was only entering the eye of the storm. The blizzard forming in my head made me wish I could do nothing more that close my eyes and go back to sleep, I needed shelter from the torrent brewing inside of me. Whipping them back over my head I found none curling up in a ball beneath blankets. I was shaking and could not stop myself from letting out my breath in ragged gasps. 
 
 `` I did n't want to have to bring up your little anniversary but you forced my hand. You need to do this. It ’ s the only way to get over your fears and addictions, and the only way you can help us'' 
 
 Sienna's voice was now soothing and calm, whispering promises of a safe place where I could be protected from my daemons. She was peeling away my cave and I saw her still silhouette, holding out her hand like a leafless branch waiting for mine to grasp my salvation. 
 
 I could feel a wave of relief wash over me while gulping down the glass of water I was handed, the pills slipping down my throat like tiny round ice cubes, no, like cherry pits, sweet but with a bit of difficulty. Immediately my body felt twice as tired as before but my mind stayed wired ready and willing to be switched off. 
 
 `` Let the pills dissolve your fears, they will grant you passage to the realm needed to find your awakened self. The darkness will envelope you now, and the light long sought soon after, but that is the only way to keep from blinding yourself. Rest now, and all will be well'' 
 
 Her voice was playing like a familiar melody as I started drifting further and further away from consciousness, the drugs numbing my mind with surprising speed. 
 
 I was freaking out, I did n't know who she was. I did n't know how she knew, I did n't know what was going on but I knew I had so much to thank her for. Even if I did n't know what the hell was going on... The very fabric of my reality was being torn away. 
 
 `` Shh bby is ok'' 
 
 Was the last thing I heard before melting into the void. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

