[ WP ] God answers all of your prayers , and only your prayers . God is also kind of a dick with a matching sense of humor .

`` It's just that this is not exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted a dick long enough to reach the floor'', I 
 say, hands intertwined in prayer mode. 
 
 `` Though luck'', God's voice reply, inside my head. 
 
 `` Could you at least get me a wheelchair? It's pretty hard to walk with these tiny legs.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, of course'', God replies. `` Done.'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` You got a wheelchair.'' 
 
 `` Where?'' I look around my room. It's empty but for the bed I'm sitting in and my nightstand. 
 
 `` It's in a bank in Malta. The address is South Street, number 32. Vault number 724 --'' 
 
 `` How the hell am I going to get there!? I meant a wheelchair now. Here. Where I am.'' I sigh. `` You know... So I 
 can move around.'' 
 
 `` Oh. You should have explained it better'', God replies, and I swear I hear a giggle. `` There you go.'' 
 
 A wheelchair spontaneously pops up from thin air, right above my head. 
 
 Then it does exactly what a wheelchair hanging in mid air does. 
 
 `` OUTCH! COME ON, MAN!'' 
 
 `` Sorry.'' 
 
 `` Listen, forget the long dick. Forget the wheelchair.'' 
 
 I instantly forget what I was talking about. 
 
 `` What is going on? What... Why is there a wheelchair here, why... HOLY CRAP ARE THOSE MY LEGS?'' 
 
 `` You said forget the long dick and forget the wheelchair.'' God said. `` Is this not what you wanted?'' 
 
 `` Dude, did you just erase my memory?'' 
 
 `` Here, stop being so whinny. Have it back.'' 
 
 I remember it again. 
 
 Jesus, this is hard. 
 
 `` Ok, try to listen, God. Can I have my legs back? I do n't want the long dick anymore. Just give 
 me normal legs.'' 
 
 `` All right. There.'' 
 
 Nothing happens. 
 
 `` What? 
 
 `` Your legs.'' 
 
 I look down. The tiny little legs are still there. 
 
 `` I still got the tiny ones.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, I know. You did n't say to take those away.'' 
 
 `` BUT WHERE THE HELL ARE MY ORIGINAL ONES?'' 
 
 `` In a bank in Malta. South Street, number 32. Vault numb --'' 
 
 `` Oh, fuck me.'' I whisper, tired. 
 
 `` SHIT. NO, WAIT!'' 
 _____________________ 
 *thanks for reading! for more stories, check out /r/psycho_alpaca = ) * 
 

