[ WP ] You are legally allowed to commit murder once , but you must fill out the proper paperwork and your proposed victim will be notified of your intentions

Dear Sir, 
 
 This letter is to inform you that one Randy Payne, of 530 Linden Lane, Harrisburg PA, has filed a form 839 ( y ) - Intent to Murder against you on June 24th, 2016. The Intent to Murder has been approved and is valid from your receipt of this letter today until the 31st of September this year. Please review the FAQ section below about what actions you may take should you wish not be murdered. Please also note that our records indicate that you yourself were approved for a form 839 ( y ) in November of 2015 against one Rachel Payne, which you carried out on the 26th of that month. As you know, this waives your right to self defense should someone attempt to carry out an 839 ( y ) against you at any time and you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law for any unapproved killings. 
 
 For further information regarding this matter, please see the FAQ below, or visit www.doj.gov/rtm/victim. 
 
 **Frequently Asked Questions** 
 
 * *I do not want to be murdered, what are my options? * 
 
 Many people do not wish to be murdered and seek to evade the intentions of their murderer. This survival instinct is only human, and should not cause alarm. If you wish to prevent your murder, it is recommended that you file a form 839 ( y ) against your intended murderer and attempt to face them in a duel. Please note that if you have filed a form 839 ( y ) at any point in the past, you must wait 6 months after the expiration of that form to file a new 839 ( y ) against a different individual and 1 year to file a new 839 ( y ) against an individual you have attempted to murder before. In the event that you have filed a form 839 ( y ) and successfully dispatched your intended victim, you are no longer eligible to commit murder. 
 
 * *Can I hide? * 
 
 While you may hide from a murderer, please be advised that there is nothing preventing an intended murderer with a valid form 839 ( y ) finding you. Some individuals have attempted to flee to foreign countries, with various degrees of success. However, your travel will be recorded by the State Department in a publicly accessible database. If you wish to plan travel to a country that does not honor form 839 ( y ), please find a list of non-participating sovereign states at www.doj.gov/rtm/victim 
 
 * *What if my murderer is not successful* 
 
 If, for whatever reason, your intended murderer does not fulfill the lethality requirements of form 839 ( y ) ( Section 3.5 - Lethality and brutality of methods, ) within the allowed timeframe, they are free to file a new form 839 ( y ) against you after 1 year has passed. Please note that extraneous and repeated filing of a form 839 ( y ) against an individual without significant action towards their demise is considered harassment. If you feel that an individual is filing forms 839 ( y ) against you without actual intent to murder, you may attempt to get a restraining order issued against them. 
 
 * *The person who filed against me is an employee, am I within my rights to fire them? * 
 
 You are legally protected from a wrongful dismissal case if an employee has at any time filed a form 839 ( y ) against you or anyone else associated with your company. Please visit www.doj.gov/rtm/victim for information on preventing a murder on company property. 
 
 We hope this letter has been informative and helpful. If you wish to leave feedback, please send an email to victimfeedback @ doj.gov
