[ WP ] You wake up in a dimly lit prison cell to find your cell door busted open , a pile of unconscious guards , a stuffed duck called Leeroy , the faint sound of Gangnam Style , and an absurd amount of blood on your hands

I woke up with my head pounding. Sprawled around me, lay the corpses of several guards. Judging by the assault rifle which lay on the ground within arms length, and the absurd amount of blood covering my hands and body; I assumed I had killed them. A blaring siren rang in the distance… a siren and… another noise. It was a song, and it sounded incredibly familiar. 
 
 *Wait, was that... fucking Gangham style? * 
 
 I spun around. Sitting on the other end of my cell was a stuffed duck, and the duck was singing. The duck, too, was caked in blood. 
 
 “ Leeroy. I have three questions. One, what the actual bloody hell happened here? Two, how are you a duck right now? And three, will you ever stop singing that **godforsaken song**!? The lyrics are in fucking Korean for Christ ’ s sake! ” 
 
 I tried to stand, but was immediately hit by a wave of nausea. I collapsed back on the ground, my head spinning. 
 
 “ Wow, wow man. Don ’ t try stand, your HP is super low right now. As soon as you broke down the doors of the cell, the guards came. You managed to take most of them out with the rifle but ran out of ammo. The last one standing hit you pretty hard over the head, but you managed to melee him to death with a crowbar. ” 
 
 “ And you… just watched the entire thing? ” 
 
 “ I ’ m out of ammo too. ” 
 
 “ And somehow it didn ’ t seem like a good idea to help out with a crowbar of your own? ” 
 
 “ Dude, I ’ m a fucking *duck*. ” 
 
 I pondered this. “ Okay you have a good point there. How did that happen by the way? The duck thing? ” 
 
 “ I have absolutely no idea ”, Leeroy responded shrugging. 
 
 *God. Only this shit would happen to Leeroy. * 
 
 “ Where are Kyle and Alex? ” 
 
 “ They broke out of their cells too. Kyle has gone to get you a med kit. Alex is looking for some ammo. ” 
 
 Suddenly, both Kyle and Alex burst into the cell. They had obviously been running fast, Kyle heaving deep breaths and Alex doubling over with the excursion. 
 
 “ Here, man ”, said Kyle between breaths, tossing me a med kit. 
 
 I felt my strength return, and the pounding in my head abated. I stood. 
 
 “ Listen guys ”, Alex began to speak. “ We ’ re in trouble. Guards headed this way, lots of them. And… ”, she cringed slightly, “ One of them ’ s a SuperNova. We don ’ t have much time. ” 
 
 “ Oh God. What ’ s everyone ’ s ammo situation? ”, I said. 
 
 Kyle spoke this time. “ Dismal. Alex has a few rounds for her sniper and assault rifle. I only have a few rounds for my 44 Magnum… which isn ’ t going to be of much use. There are ammo crates in a cell down the corridor, but the guards are coming fast. And if the SuperNova reaches us first… well… ” 
 
 “ We ’ ll be annihilated ”, said Alex. 
 
 “ We need to take down that SuperNova before we deal with the guards. Only a rocket launcher will do it. Who has the rocket launcher? ”, I asked. 
 
 “ I do ”, answered Leeroy. 
 
 The team stared at him, dumbfounded. *How the fuck did that happen? * 
 
 I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. We needed a plan. “ Christ. Okay, uhh well what we ’ ll do. Alex and I will run to the cells with the ammo crates. We ’ ll need to pick up as much as we can. If any guards show up, Alex can take them out with her rifle. ” 
 
 Alex nodded. 
 
 “ Kyle and Leeroy, stay here. You ’ re both too low on health. Our only hope is getting the rocket launcher ammo back to Leeroy before the SuperNova shows face. Leeroy you should be able to take him out with that. Kyle, hopefully your Magnum will be enough if any guards pitch up here. Uhhhh alright. You think we ’ re ready guys? ” 
 
 Suddenly, Leeroy ’ s duck form leapt into a standing pose. He puffed out his chest. 
 “ Alright chums! Let ’ s do this! ” 
 
 And before any of us could even react -nevermind stop the crazed bird- he sprinted out of the cell. 
 
 “ LEEEROOOOOOOOOOOY JENNKKIINNNSSSSSSSSSSSS! ” 
 
 The team stared at the cell doors incredulously. 
 
 “ Oh my God, he just ran in ” 
 
 “ Save him! ” 
 
 “ Oh God, Let ’ s go! Let ’ s go! ” 
 
 “ Oh jeez, oh fuck ” 
 
 Sounds of gunfire could be heard in the distance. Alex, Kyle and I ran down the corridor. Leeroy had completely ignored the ammo crates and was running straight towards a group of guards, crowbar raised like he was wielding fucking Excalibur. 
 
 “ Targets spotted! ” 
 
 The onslaught was bloody. I ducked for cover while Alex and Kyle did what they could with the weapons they had. However, it was not long before they both went down. Leeroy, beyond all reason, had survived. 
 
 “ WHY DO YOU DO THIS SHIT LEEROY?! ”, I screamed above combined noise of sirens and gunfire. 
 
 “ IT ’ S NOT MY FAULT!... Oh… God ” 
 
 I heard the indistinguishable sound of heavy footfalls, and the sound of laser canons charging. The SuperNova was here. We were dead. Leeroy came sprinting back, ducking for cover next to me. Our imminent doom was approaching. 
 
 “ Leeroy, you are just stupid as hell ” 
 
 Leeroy seemed to contemplate this statement for a few moments, his beady duck eyes staring into the distance. And then he spoke. 
 
 “ Well, there is still one good thing. ” 
 
 “ And what is that? ” I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice. 
 
 And of all things he could have pulled from under his fluffy, blood mattered duck wing; he produced a fried chicken drumstick. The last words I heard before we were blasted into oblivion by a mighty laser beam? 
 
 “ At least I have chicken ”
