[ WP ] '' Death extends his hand , smiling , “ Deal ? ” ''

`` I can give you another five years. Final offer.'' 
 
 Death looked at me, and I assume that if he had skin to cover the eternally grimacing skull, there would be a smile there to rival the one he wore now. 
 
 `` Five years? The doctor gave me three months! What's the catch?'' 
 
 Death clicked his teeth together as he thought. 
 
 `` You know, Charles, I like you. You seem shrewd, clever, not one to jump the gun. I want to give you a long, full life, I really do. You would go on to do great things. But, that's just not in the cards for you. So, the catch is that you get these 5 years I'm promising, and when the time is up, you *will* go to hell. Since you've done fairly well with your life, I promise I'll make sure you do n't go to one of the worse circles, but it's not gon na be a cakewalk, Charles, I promise you that much.'' 
 
 `` What kinds of things could I expect?'' I asked, keen on exploring the range of my options. 
 
 `` Think of the worst pain you've ever expe... Nope. Too cliche. Think of the saddest movie you've ever watched. The first time you cried when a dog died in a book. Now add that pain to searing hot whips that are tearing your flesh and flaying you alive, forever and ever and ever, and you get the first circle of hell. Maybe halfway between first and second.'' 
 
 I'd dealt with pain before. I'd broken bones, stubbed toes, stepped on Legos, hell. I even got stabbed once during a mugging. But I could n't handle anything like that. 
 
 `` Is there... something else that can be done?'' 
 
 Death laughed. At least, I think he did. It was more like nails on a chalkboard, played on a loop on a torn up vinyl record, but I guess it must have been laughter. 
 
 `` Oh, Charles, Charles, Charles. Ever the haggler. There is... one thing.'' 
 
 `` Yeah? What is it? Tell me!'' 
 
 `` In the rules, sometimes there's exceptions. If someone was an especially good person, if the death they ended up with was an accident, not their actual fate, a life for a life, that sort of thing.'' 
 
 My attention caught on the last one. 
 
 `` A life for a life?'' 
 
 Death nodded. 
 
 `` If that'll get me to live out my days to old age, then I'll accept that deal.'' 
 
 Death looked askance at me. 
 
 `` You sure that you want to do that? Most people ca n't live with the consequences of it. It usually leaves them wishing they had gone with their first option of just coming with me from the get go. Sometimes they'll actively look for me again. You're absolutely certain?'' 
 
 I nodded vigorously. I wanted to live. I did n't want a goddamn brain tumor to take me from the earth, I wanted to die gently in my sleep of ripe, old age, nestled in a bed next to my wife. 
 
 Death extended his hand, smiling, `` Deal?'' 
 
 I reached out and shook it, hard. 
 
 `` Deal.'' 
 
 He snapped his fingers, and looked down at me. 
 
 `` It's done. Charles, you will live to the ripe age of 95 and die calmly in your sleep. That is the only way you will leave this earth. However, you may not be able to handle the consequences of this. What is done is done.'' 
 
 With a swirl of his cloak, Death was gone. With a gasp, I looked at where I was, and realized I was in my bedroom, alone. I ran downstairs, excited to tell my wife the good news. 
 
 When I got to the den, where she had been reading at the time when I was supposed to die, I saw her, book in hand. 
 
 `` Sh-Sh-Shar... Sharon?'' 
 
 She was staring at the ceiling, eyes empty, blood leaking gently out of her nose and mouth. She was n't breathing.
