[ WP ] You begin to have the sneaking suspicion that Death *likes* you

`` Now what seems to be the problem Matt?'' Dr. Jeffery said as he got comfortable in his plush office recliner. 
 
 Matt's head remained lowered. `` I do n't know how to put this exactly.'' 
 
 `` Please. Take your time.'' 
 
 `` I'm going to just come out and say it.'' Matt pauses and exhales audibly. `` I think death is following me.'' 
 
 `` Well, that is certainly an understandable concern Matthew since, in reality, death follows us all.'' 
 
 Matt rubs his hands together frustratingly. `` Yeah, Yeah, I know. Look, I'm being a little more literal here. I am being serious when I say I think death is following me. Me in particular.'' 
 
 The doctor raises his eyebrows and pauses before scribbling something quickly on his notepad. `` Can you explain that a little further for me Matthew.'' 
 
 Matt slides abruptly to the edge of his seat. `` Doc, you've read my write up I'm sure. Mother died in childbirth. Father never got over it and drank himself to death by the time I was five. Lived with my fathers parents. grandpa kicked in the head by a horse when I was seven and my gram slipped in the tub and hit her head when I was nine. Then off to my moms sister. Her boyfriend shot her and himself in front of me when I was twelve. My moms mom wanted nothing to do with me. She called me'the harbinger of death'. What kind of thing is that to say to a kid? I just wanted to play road hockey! Be a kid!'' 
 
 `` The group home brought some stability at least. Finally able to stay in one place and make friends. First best friend Tim? Asthma attack. I accidentally stepped on his inhaler that day. Kids came and went. Some made it. Some did not. Three suicides I can remember. The house leader Mr. Jacobi got cancer and dropped dead the Christmas I was fourteen. By the time the school shooting happened in high school Death did not phase me in the least. I mean here I was with never so much as a bloody nose yet Death decided to embrace me and me alone. The girl I first kissed? Died from complications from severe anorexia. Word go out. I carried the stigma like a cross. I skipped college to save lives. I avoid malls, flights, sports events. Things settled down for a while when I got a telemarketing job. Thought I found a spot. Fooled Death maybe. Then I called a woman who was having a domestic dispute and I did n't even wince at the sound of the shotgun blasts on the other end of the line. Now I have no job. Live in the boiler room in the basement of St. Mary's. That seems to help. I only go to the Library to use the internet and never visit the same coffee shop or grocery store twice in the same two or three months. It's inconvenient but working. My body count has remained low and static. B-but now Doc, I'm screwed!'' 
 
 Dr. Jeffery, sitting mouth agape, had to physically startle himself into a response. He cleared his throat. `` How is that Matthew?'' 
 
 `` I'm in love Doc! A new librarian. A woman who has such a powerful beauty that you know it runs through her every fiber. Her eyes calm my nerves an her smile gives me hope. And I fucked up yesterday doc! I fucked up huge!'' 
 
 `` How exactly?'' 
 
 `` I smiled doc!'' Matt said as he burst into tears. `` Stupid, stupid selfish fucker! I looked at her for too long! She smiled and I smiled back! F-fuck.'' Matt descended into sobbing. 
 
 Dr. Jeffery tried to hand Matt some Kleenex to no avail. `` Matt now listen. I'm going to write you a script for some sedatives. We are going to get you some serious rest that you clearly need very dearly. You are wound way too tight to think clearly right now. Once you finish this prescription I want you to come back for another talk and we will break down all these events and see them for what they are. And what they are Matthew is life. A tragic one indeed, but life nonetheless'' 
 
 Matthew laughed loud and mockingly as he wiped the snot from his face with his sleeves. `` Sure doc. Sure fucking thing. You do n't get it. Nobody does. Not until its too late at least. I'm sorry doc. I just need help. I ca n't go back to that library and face the fact that I've killed the one thing that made me feel good since I was a little boy. All from a smile. Fuck.'' He rubbed his eyes roughly with the heels of his hands. `` What does death want!? To be my friend!? To torture me!? Is n't death supposed to be an angel?! What is it?!'' 
 
 The Doctor stretched his hand out and patted Matt's knee. `` We'll soon find out Matthew. I promise. You'll feel better next time we meet. I promise.'' He held out the prescription. Matthew took it. `` I wish there could be a next time Doctor Jeffery.'' 
 
 Down on the street Matt read his prescription and folded it and placed it into his chest pocket. As he turned to leave he was forced to the ground by a violent explosion. As he got up and shook himself off he already knew what had happened. He turned and saw just what he had expected to see. A burning crater in place of his new psychiatrists office. 
 
 He turned and walked through the falling debris untouched. It was time for him to go and meet death himself. 
 
 

