[ EU ] A new house has arisen in Westeros , and overtaken the Iron Throne . The new King has employed his family to the small council . It seems that winter is coming for the new King ... George Sr. of the House `` Bluth '' .

`` All hail His Grace, George of House Bluth, First of his name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Eight Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm.'' 
 
 King George took his place on the Iron Throne. The banner of House Bluth hung above him. The crest was of a yellow banana that had taken the form of a man, with short black hair and a red-orange tunic the color of the sunset. The banana rode upon a sulky, a one-manned chariot unique to the Kingdom of Bluthton, and was set upon a sky blue background. The words of house Bluth were inscribed below, `` Family love Westeros.'' 
 
 `` Please, be seated,'' the king said once he had taken the throne. 
 
 `` Hard to sit, when you got someone's hand up yo' ass,'' said Franklin, the royal steward. Franklin Delano Bluth was a puppet operated by the crown prince George Oscar Bluth, an unwed man of forty, who had philandered his way from Winterfell to Sunspear. He was a tall handsome man, and though charming, suffered from a receding hairline and the wits of a stable boy. While he regularly found the affection of women, and was betrothed multiple times, he could never truly commit to any of the Ladies of the eight kingdoms his father had arranged for him to marry. 
 
 `` Enough, GOB. Will you cut the crap?'' ordered George. 
 
 `` He said it,'' came the retort, as GOB nodded toward Franklin. 
 
 `` Your lips were still moving, buddy,'' said the second son of George and Hand of the King, Mykal Bluth. Even though Mykal was the second son, and unlikely to inherit the crown, he had always been a harder working and more intelligent man than his brother GOB. Because of his dedication, his father had rewarded him with the position of Hand, after the Church and State Affair, a short but bloody war that had ended with the death of House Bluth's rival family, House Sitwell, and put George on the throne. 
 
 The king responded sharply, `` Alright, alright. Who do we have first?'' 
 
 `` I present to you, Lord Tobias of House Funky.'' 
 
 `` It's Funke,'' muttered the Lord, a short bald man, who wore a thick mustache that resembled that of a man who frequented the pleasure houses of Braavos. Lord Tobias was married to the king's only daughter, but it was rumored that he preferred the company of strange men. 
 
 `` Your Grace, if I may, I've come with word of the mummer Karl Weathers.'' Karl was a bastard, Weathers being the surname of bastards who were raised in Bluthton. The king knew his name well. Karl had risen to fame after the Church and State Affair, performing a horrendous stage act based on the events that led to the Bluth's rise to power. The acting in the play was so repulsive that a majority of the story was gleaned from a bard who took extreme liberty with the details. George was so angered by the bard's inattention to details that he proclaimed all involved in the production as enemies of the crown. 
 
 `` What is it, Nellie?'' the king demanded. 
 
 `` Well, Your Grace, it seems as though we may have a bit of a mess on our hands. Karl has taken your daughter Lindsay from me, and retreated to the Reach. I would like to request twenty of your hottest sailors, so I can give them the old Reach around.'' Lord Funke was notorious for these verbal blunders, and George chose to ignore it. 
 
 `` So be it. Mykal, give Polly twenty good men and one of our ships, better make it The Ship of Stairs.'' George turned back to Lord Funke, `` Be wary of bridges and stowaways. You're going to get some stowaways.'' Tobias curtsied and retreated from the throne room. 
 
 `` Next up, we got a cracka from the Iron Bank of Braavos, Ira Gilligan.'' 
 
 `` Gilligan?! What are you doing here? Do you have news about my IRA? 
 
 `` Well, Your Grace, I have some bad news. A man is actually... Gene Parmesan!!'' As he spoke, Ira turned his face away from the crowd, and as he turned back, revealed the face of the Master of Whispers, Gene of House Parmesan. As a young boy in Braavos, Gene had taken residence at the House of Black and White, learning the tricks of the Faceless Men. The Faceless Men quickly grew tired of him constantly being disguised and revealing himself. They banished him from the House of Black and White, and he sailed to Bluthton, but not before he could learn the art of face changing. 
 
 Bluthton was new land. It was formed in the Narrow Sea sometime after the War of the Five Kings and quickly became an eighth kingdom of Westeros. Rumors spread that George had used blood magic to create the subcontinent. His mistress Kitty was said to have sacrificed his twin brother Oscar to C'rnballr, the God of Zhetpants, which brought up the earth from under the sea, forming the new kingdom. What happened to Kitty afterwards, remains a mystery. 
 
 `` Ahhh! Gene!!!'' Queen Lucille screamed out, ecstatically. 
 
 `` If you do n't mind, I'd like to have a private meeting with the small council. It's about a message from the North.'' 
 
 King George nodded to GOB. GOB clumsily manipulated Franklin's mouth, `` You best get yo' white asses outta here, before I put my foot up all yo' cracka asses.'' The throne room quickly cleared. Only the Bluth family and their closest advisors remained: King George, Queen Lucille, GOB and Franklin, Mykal, the Master of Whispers Gene, Grand Maester Buster, and the Master of Coin Jack of House Dorso. Lord Dorso was the eldest of the group. He had lost the use of his legs during a tourney on his seventieth name-day, performing a feat of strength. Despite his disability, he single-handedly financed the Bluth family's war efforts during the Church and State Affair, and the family had rewarded him with the title of Master of Coin. 
 
 `` Out with it then,'' King George demanded of Lord Gene. 
 
 `` Your Grace, I have a message from Lord Commander George Mykal of the Night's Watch. He claims that Les Cousins Dangereux are once more awakened and Winter is coming. Says we must raise at least a thousand Mann-Egg troops to defeat them.'' 
 
 `` Them?'' the king replied. The Order of the Mann-Eggs were a rather ordinary group of knights that somehow managed to defeat Les Cousins Dangereux during the last long Winter. It was believed that a single hero would rise, Azor Ahai reborn, to defeat them, but, alas, the hero failed, and the Order of the Mann-Eggs fought underwhelmingly to defeat Les Cousins. The king turned to his youngest son, Grand Maester Buster, `` What do we know of Les Cousins that can give us a chance in Seven Hells?'' 
 
 `` Well, the North is pretty warm, and Les Cousins live in the cold, so if we could somehow use that, it would probably be good.'' Grand Maester Buster rubbed his stump of a wrist nervously. His left hand had been taken from him during the Church and State Affair, along with his betrothed, Lucille II, of House Austero, by Lord Stan of House Sitwell. The crest of House Sitwell was a seal with a yellow bow-tie set against a field of deep-sea blue. Their words were, `` We Do Not Grow... Hair.'' 
 
 `` That's a great idea, Steinberg,'' GOB replied. 
 
 Mykal chimed in, `` Look, why do n't we just send Ser Weatherman of the Kingsguard up there with a small contingency to meet the Mann-eggs and teach Les Cousins a lesson?'' 
 
 The king disagreed, `` What are you, drinking stupid potion, again? No, what we do is, draw them into Sudden Valley, then, all of a sudden, we attack with Lord Rickon Stark's troops and the men of Tiny Town and the Mann-Eggs, and drive them back North of the Wall. Lord Gene, give any man from the black cells who wishes to join the Man-Eggs a sandwich of iced cream, and send them to Sudden Valley immediately. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some muffin baskets to send out.''
