[ WP ] Getting tired of always being called upon when the police deem a case un-solvable , you take up a 9 to 5 job . You use your brilliant deductive skills to attempt to make sales and upset almost every customer who speaks to you . You are Sherlock Holmes , used car salesman .

`` You're here for a sports car. A convertible, I'm sure. Something with enough horsepower to blow that toupee straight off your head.'' 
 
 The man fidgeted with his fake hair uncomfortably and tried to brush a few strands over his sunburnt forehead. `` Err, who are you?'' 
 
 `` Sherlock Holmes.'' The man stuck his pudgy hand out for a shake, but Sherlock just looked at it with a glance of disdain and kept his own hands clasped behind his back. `` You're going to want the 2003 Mustang.'' he nodded to the back of the parking lot. 
 
 The man finally took the hint and let his hand drop back down to his side. `` Well, I'm really just here to browse...'' he answered. 
 
 `` Of course you are,'' Sherlock said. `` Come, I'll get the keys and show you the vehicle I have in mind.'' Without waiting for a confirmation from the customer, he turned back to the office and marched briskly away. 
 
 `` I'm not sure if...'' the man huffed, trying to keep up as they crossed the sea of black asphalt baking in the summer sun. 
 
 `` If you're in the market for a sports car,'' Sherlock finished for him. `` Of course you are.'' 
 
 `` What makes you...'' 
 
 `` You're in your late fifties,'' Sherlock stopped mid-stride and turned to the man, boring into him with his piercing, commanding gaze. `` You've had an affair recently as part of your mid-life crisis. Resentment had been building up in your marriage for a long time and you finally allowed your animal lust to take over. With your secretary, yes?'' 
 
 The man gaped like a fish. 
 
 `` Your wife found out, naturally. Part of you wanted to get caught. The divorce has certainly been messy, and she has hired a top-notch lawyer to milk you for every cent you've got. You, on the other hand, have decided to embrace the single life. You've been going out to bars and clubs, trying to meet women only to realize that it's much more difficult than in your youthful college days when all you had to do was press a fruity drink into a young lady's hand and tell her your name. Being an accountant is n't quite as sexy as you'd thought, is it? You've realized that your age and comfortable lifestyle have caught up with you, and you go home alone every night. And you've come here hoping that a flashy new car will be able to show these girls the perks of being with a *much* older man. But you do n't have a lot of money, due to the aforementioned divorce. So you're looking for something that *seems* expensive, at a discounted price. *That* is why you're going to buy the blue Mustang in the corner.'' 
 
 `` How did you...'' 
 
 `` Oh, please,'' Sherlock sneered. `` You might as well buy a neon sign to carry around on your back with all of this information listed out. It's plain as day. You have a pile of work documents in your car, a 1996 Mercedes from back when you still had money. You have a smudge of lipstick on your collar, which would *appear* to indicate that the affair with your secretary is still ongoing, except for the fact that it appears to be at least two weeks old and the shirt has not been washed. You smell faintly of gin. You've got two faded entrance stamps on your hand. There are circles under your eyes and a tan line where your wedding ring used to be. And that toupee looks more like a piece of carpeting than a natural hairstyle. Now please stop wasting time so that I can go fetch the keys and get this damnable transaction over with.'' 
 
 The bell chimed as Sherlock entered the office and left the customer standing in shock on the pavement. 
 
 -- -- 
 
 Sherlock returned to the office 45 minutes later and sat down at his desk with a sigh. 
 
 His boss looked down from his newspaper. `` You make the sale?'' 
 
 Sherlock put his feet up on the desk. `` Yep.'' 
 
 `` Good.'' The boss went back to reading, then paused. 
 
 `` You make this one cry, too?'' 
 
 Sherlock shrugged. `` Yep.''
