[ WP ] A man orders a `` cheese pizza with no crust '' from a local pizza delivery joint as a joke . Unbeknownst to him , that pizza joint is a drug front and he just placed an order for a kilo of cocaine .

`` Hey, hey, hey, ladies and gentlemen, who wants pizza?'' I shouted to the myriad of guests who were milling around my pool. They responded with what sounded like a raucous cry of approval, which was a good enough sign for me. 
 
 I strolled through the back door of my mansion and scrabbled through my local takeaway menus, wearing nothing but some damp floral swimming trunks and an untied red silk kimono. After some half-assed searching, an open bottle of Belvedere still in my left hand ( I was hammered to the point of barely walking ), I found one that I was looking for, grabbed the phone, and called the number. 
 
 `` Hey, is that Corleone's?'' I slurred drunkenly into the phone. 
 
 `` Yes it is. What can I get you? Are you a previous customer?'' the woman at the other end of the line replied. Something struck me as a little odd - She did n't sound like the kind of person who would work at a pizza shop. A little too high-class... But what the fuck did I know, I already mentioned that I was probably a few shots away from accidentally calling some hooker'Mom'. 
 
 `` Uh, five large pepperoni, Uh, five plain cheese, and...'' I chuckled as some silly little middle-school prank popped into my head. `` One large cheese pizza *without the crust! *'' I coolly asked, barely containing my boyish giggles. 
 
 She sounded taken aback. `` Are you sure about that last part, sir?'' she asked, her voice loaded with excitement. 
 
 I gave a slight chuckle. `` Why, of course!'' I answered brightly. 
 
 About half an hour later, I heard the sound of my doorbell echoing through the entrance hall, to where I was, in a deckchair next to my pool. 
 
 As politely as I could, I coaxed the pretty girl off my knee and started to stand up. 
 
 `` Sorry Candie, we'll have to continue that conversation after I get that pizza!'' I shouted as I jogged inside. I grabbed my wallet on my way to the entry hall, then opened the huge mahogany door to see who was calling. 
 
 He did n't really look like your average pizza guy. He wore the regular pizza guy uniform, but the car that was parked in my drive was a huge, black, brand new SUV. The guy was built like a brick shithouse too. He proffered the large stack of pizza boxes to me with a professional smile. 
 
 `` Here's what you ordered sir.'' he started brightly, before lowering his voice until it was barely above a whisper. `` That will be five thousand, one hundred and fifty dollars.'' 
 
 I almost choked. `` What the fuck, how does it cost that much?'' I asked with a mixture of anger and surprise. 
 
 The man gave me a slightly terse smile. I could tell that he was slightly annoyed but was still being patient with me. 
 
 `` Well sir, it's a hundred and fifty bucks for this stuff,'' he explained, gesturing to the ten pizza boxes at the bottom of the pile, `` And five grand for this stuff!'' he finished, lowering the stack of pizza boxes so I could see the contents of the one at the top of the pile, and, after quickly checking his surroundings, opening the box to reveal a huge ziplock bag of white powder. He immediately saw the look of confusion in my face. `` Check it if you want,'' he added, with a showman's smile. 
 
 Hiding behind the cardboard lid, I opened the bag and lifted it to my nose. Despite the delicious smell of the pizza below it confusing my nostrils, there was no mistaking that smell. I'd been to enough wild parties to know that stuff was cocaine, pretty pure too. I zipped the bag closed, closed the box, and gave the man a grin. `` You happy?'' he politely enquired. 
 
 `` Oh, I'm happy!'' I chuckled. `` Hold on one sec!'' I shouted, before running into the next room quickly and grabbing a roll of hundred dollar bills. 
 
 He waited patiently for me to return. I counted the cost of the goods into his hand, then slapped another Benjamin into his hand for good measure. `` A tip for excellent service!'' I added with a grin. 
 
 Cash in hand, he walked back to his SUV, and gave me a little wave. 
 
 `` Enjoy your *pizza*, sir!'' he chuckled as he walked away. 
 
 I carefully carried the stack of boxes back to the pool. 
 
 `` Ladies and gentlemen!'' I shouted. `` The party has officially arrived!''
