[ WP ] An evil villain finally accomplishes his lifelong search for the ultimate suit of armor - Plot Armor .

The Oracle was right! After years of searching, spending thousands of gold pieces creating vaguely nazi uniforms and oppressing farmers, I had found the one I searched for: the legendary'First Person'. I captured his amusing yet ineffectual friend, and then actually let that person go free in exchange for him, and then locked him in a giant triangle. There, isolated from the fourth wall, I drained his powers. Now, I have become the narrator! 
 
 But unfortunately, the legendary First Force, from which the universe was formed, and around which it revolves, can not be easily contained by the body. If I am to sustain this power, I must become the world's most interesting man. 
 
 The first step was to find a relatable goal. I hired all the best philosophers in the land, and they gathered together with the playwrights to discuss my life, and my motivation. If I am to succeed, the people must believe that I have a deep down moral high ground. Unfortunately, I then had to bribe all of them, because it's the most secure way to prolong the mystery that now surrounds me - while my true motivations are unknown and undiscoverable, I can not yet die. 
 
 The next step was the most unfortunate, though. I had to find a way of giving myself a challenge. For a long time I've known that my young, beautiful, and deeply sadistic daughter, as well as my troubled son, have wanted to ascend to my position. Today, I give them that chance. Today I ride out to an obscure mountain, stopping off on the way to give old friends and other assorted old people cryptic questions which do n't actually have answers, as well as a few classic and yet slightly rephrased riddles. Now, I ride to the edge of a cliff with my horse for company. As I leap off, I know that a weaker man would probably die. But I have a story to tell.
