[ WP ] An inanimate object comes to life at the worst possible moment

“ He ’ s going to beat you to death, ” the hammer said, from inside the boy ’ s backpack, its voice muffled. 
 
 Tatiana swiveled in her computer chair, and her fingers stopped moving across the keyboard. “ Excuse me, what did you say? ” 
 
 “ Nothing, ” the boy said. 
 
 It was noisy in the welfare office, so Tatianna shrugged, and went back to work. “ It says here, your file is suspended because you forgot to file the ‘ gifts and donation ’ form we sent you. ” 
 
 The boy sighed, and rubbed his temples. “ You didn ’ t send me any form. You have never, in the history of the universe, sent me a fuckin ’ form. You know how many times I ’ ve been suspended? ” 
 
 Unzipping the backpack, the boy reached in and pulled out a stack of letters sitting on top of a red plastic container. “ One, two, three, ” he tossed the pile onto the desk and looked her right the eyes. “ Seventeen times. Seventeen times I ’ ve had to walk in here and aplogize for not filing a form you never said I had to file. And what ’ s this shit? Gifts and fucking donations? It ’ s none of your fucking business who – ” 
 
 “ You are fuckin ’ *niggered*, lady, ” the racist can of gasoline said. 
 
 The boy got to his feet and pulled the hammer and the racist can of gasoline out of his backpack. Tatiana, quivering in fear, reached for her telephone, but the hammer crashed into the receiver, and tiny pieces of plastic went flying into her hair. 
 
 He pulled the cap off the can of gasoline and poured it onto the desk. Yellow liquid sloshed onto Tatiana ’ s clothes and onto the floor. She screamed. 
 
 The room went quiet, then somebody hit the fire alarm and everybody made a run for the exit. Everybody except Tatiana and the boy. 
 
 “ Where the fuck do you think you ’ re going? ” He smashed the computer screen, pushed her into her chair, and pulled out a plastic lighter. 
 
 “ Tell me, how do you feel right now? Does your survival feel *threatened*? ” He smashed a picture of her kids, and then murdered her keyboard. 
 
 “ You know, ” the hammer said, “ I think she ’ s had enough. We ’ re not actually going to do this, are we? ” 
 
 “ ANSWER ME, ” the boy screamed. “ Answer me you fucking bitch. What ’ s it like, what ’ s it like, what ’ s it like? ” 
 
 “ Please, ” Tatiana said, “ let me – “ 
 
 The boy flicked the lighter and a flame popped out. He grinned, lowered the flame to the table… and extinguished it in the water mixed with mustard. 
 
 Tatiana collapsed to the floor, puked out her lunch, and started to sob. 
 
 “ Now you know what survival anxiety feels like. So maybe you should think twice about sending out these fuckin ’ letters, ‘ cause I might be a crazy person, but maybe next you ’ ll get a maniac. ” 
 
 “ I hate Japanese people, ” said the gas can. “ They smell like fish. ” 

