[ WP ] You 've studied hard during Finals week , and the most important paper has questions like `` If you had six pencils and twelve bananas , how many hats will cover a skyscraper ? '' and other nonsensical questions .

1\. Given that you have a raisin allergy, what would be the capital city of a post-apocalyptic German-French state? Give your answer in hexadecimal form, citing sources. 
 
 Peter blinked. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He raised his hand. 
 
 “ Yes Peter? ” the elderly teacher at the front of the room called. 
 “ Sorry, I uh... appear to have made a mistake. Could you tell me where the linear algebra exam is taking place? ” he asked. The other students turned him with raised eyebrows. 
 “ Peter, the linear algebra exam is taking place in this room right now, ” the teacher explained. “ In fact you ’ re currently doing it. ” 
 Peter opened his mouth to say something then went back to the paper. Maybe he merely misread the question. He looked a the second one. 
 
 2\. The strained relationship between the Canadian province of Saskatchewan and Karl Marx is largely due to an increase in the universal cost of marmalade inciting anger in Middle Earth, discuss. 
 
 “ Sir, I think you ’ ve given me the wrong paper. ” 
 A few of the students giggled. The teacher frowned and came over and glanced over his paper. His frown deepened. 
 “ I ’ m terribly sorry Mr. Peterson, it appears I ’ ve given you the calculus paper instead of the algebra one, I ’ ll be back with the correct one in a moment. ” 
 Peter Peterson nodded and the thanked god that he had n't chosen calculus. The stuff those calculus people must get up to… 
 He shook his head. The teacher came back with a fresh new exam paper. Peter ’ s heart began to race again as he turned the first page. 
 
 1a\. If the amount of plays Shakespeare wrote is a number x, and the combined GDP of venezuela is a number y, prove that the pope is a member of the illuminati for all real values of x and y. 
 1b\. Thus, prove that the president of venezuela is the pope. 
 
 2a\. If a, b, c and d are all random seventeenth century italian composers, what is the probability of their sum being greater than Margaret Thatcher, but less than 23? 
 2b\. If they are french composers? 
 2c\. On a Wednesday? 
 
 3\. What is the electron configuration of democracy? Explain. 
 
 4\. You are on a deserted island. You have only a half-drunk can of pepsi signed by every member of the new york yankees, the left arm of Liam Neeson, and the complete works of the Rolling Stones. You are given three days to invade Taiwan, what do you light first? 
 
 6\. You need to cross a rushing river with a number of companions, but your boat can only take you and one of your companions at one time. You ’ re companions are a sentient head of a cabbage that alternates between being an extreme racist and are connoisseur of nineteenth century chest drawers; the physiological manifestation of the philosophical concept of solipsism; and Miley Cyrus. You can ’ t leave the cabbage with solipsism, or solipsism with Miley. How long does it take for the men to build the house? 
 
 7\. Complete the well-known quote: Be the change you want to see in the _______ 
 a ) Presidential campaign 
 b ) Vending machine 
 c ) Sahara desert 
 d ) Your mum 
 Answer on the multiple-choice sheet that was not provided for you. 
 
 8\. Where is question 5? 
 
 9\. Question 9 is available as DLC for only $ 0.99 
 
 10\. Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? 
 
 Peter just stared at the paper with his mouth hanging open. He looked around the room and saw heads down and hands busily scrawling away. The girl next to him was answering the questions with gusto. He decided to ask for help. 
 “ Psst, ” he whispered. The girl ignored him. 
 “ Hey, psst. ” She still ignored him. Her scrawling paused for a moment as she read a question. She let out an irritated sigh as took her credit card out of her pocket and wrote down the number. Finally noticing Peter ’ s gaze, she turned and rolled her eyes. 
 “ Question 9, am I right? ” she whispered. “ Bastards don ’ t even support paypal. ” 
 “ Look, ” Peter began, “ What the hell is going on? ” 
 She stared at him. “ What do you mean? ” 
 “ I mean, what ’ s with this test. It ’ s just... random nonsense to me. ” She grinned. 
 “ Aww, sounds like someone didn ’ t study, ” she said. 
 “ What? No! I did study, I ’ m trying to get into Harvard so- that ’ s not the point. Like, how do you do question 1? ” 
 “ You mean you didn ’ t even study Venezuelan Pope Theorem? ” 
 Peter could only stare at her as he felt an entire semester ’ s worth of work fall away. 
 
 That was it. He had needed to ace this subject for Harvard to accept him. Now there was no hope. In desperation he turned back to the test. 
 
 10\. If you need to get into Harvard, but the test you need to pass is complete gibberish, what is your next step? 
 
 “ What the hell? ” Peter yelled. The entire class turned to him. 
 “ Peter, enough of your outbursts, sit down and do the test! ” the teacher ordered. 
 Unable to form words, Peter turned back to the test. 
 
 11\. A test begins referencing your life. Discuss the consequences in detail. 
 
 Peter couldn ’ t believe his eyes. He read on. 
 
 12\. Why do you even want to go to Harvard? 
 
 13\. Do you think it will please your parents? 
 
 14\. What is it that you want? 
 
 “ Stop it, ” he muttered to himself. “ Just stop it. ” 
 
 15\. What happened to the young bright-eyed boy who wanted to be an actor on Broadway? 
 
 16\. Why do you feel such a compulsion to please them? 
 
 “ Just shut up! ” 
 “ Peter, I must ask you to leave the room! ” 
 
 17\. Do you actually believe you could earn their respect as much your brothers did? 
 
 18\. Do you actually believe they could love you? 
 
 19\. How could they love you after what happened to Cindy? 
 
 “ Don ’ t you dare bring her into this! ” 
 
 20\. How could I not? 
 
 21\. Isn ’ t she the root of all this? 
 
 22\. Where else could your pain come from? ” 
 
 23\. Haven ’ t you always been the one who wasn ’ t good enough? 
 
 “ Why are you doing this? ” Peter screamed in frustration. 
 
 24a\. Why? 
 24b\. Why? 
 24c\. WHY? 
 
 25\. You really want to know? 
 
 26\. Why don ’ t you just turn the page to find out? 
 
 Sweating with apprehension, Peter slowly turned the page. 
 
 
 *This page has been intentionally left blank. * 
 
 
 
 
 **So that was fun. Not an American here so I guessed as to how your education system works. ** 
 -002 
 Edit: Fixed auto-numbering
