[ WP ] You discover that Earth is the `` North Korea '' of the galaxy

`` Wait. I mean, stop.'' I grab the arm of the interpreter. 
 
 `` Sir?'' 
 
 `` Did that... ummmm... *thing*,'' Here I gesture at the mass of tentacle and claws sitting across from me. `` Just say'North Korea?''' 
 
 It had been a long day. I had been asked to fill in for George over in Archives -- something about shingles, or some other bullshit. I can tell you this much, when I woke up this morning, I was planning on wasting the morning on reddit, before I spend the afternoon working on my fantasy football team. I had not expected to be debriefing one of the Astasi concerning their decision to make contact with Earth. 
 
 If I had to be honest, I had be dozing. But I could have sworn that beast just said- 
 
 `` Quite right.'' 
 
 `` I thought we were discussing how they decided to visit us?'' 
 
 `` You are correct.'' 
 
 `` Are you telling me that the reason these assholes came all the way across the galaxy to our neck of the woods is because of *North Korea*?'' The Astasi began to vibrate, in what I could only assume was a gesture of affirmation. One that involved the distribution of copious amounts of its bodily fluids about the room. Disgusting. 
 
 `` Oh, no sir, at this point in the narrative, they were not aware that North Korea existed. Indeed, they had just discovered Earth. ” The interpreter let out a quick laugh and adjusted his glasses before continuing. “ In fact, you might be interested to know that, given the speed of light and the distance that it needed to travel to their planets, North Korea would n't have even-'' 
 
 `` I did n't ask for a history lesson.'' I waved at the interpreter. You have to take a firm hand with these language-jocks. If you give them an inch, they will just start spewing words all over the place. 
 
 “ Technically, sir, this entire debriefing is a history lesson. ” 
 
 “ You know what I mean. And don ’ t try to change the topic. What I want to know is this: How did these assholes know about North Korea ” ( Here I was blessed with another shower of bodily fluids ) “ before they knew about earth? ” 
 
 “ They didn ’ t. ” 
 
 “ What? You just said that... it... said ‘ North Korea ’. ” I had learned my lesson, and mouthed the last two words, rather than saying them. Apparently Mr. Tenta-claws could read lips, because he sent a veritable tidal wave of his liquids my way. 
 
 “ Correct again, sir. ” 
 
 “ Well, which the fuck is it? Did they know about... Mr. Kim ’ s Jong-un ’ s crazy-land, or not? ” 
 
 “ Most decidedly not. ” 
 
 “ Well, then why the fuck did he say those words? ” 
 
 “ North Korea? ” ( More liquids. ) 
 
 “ Yes, god damn it. ” 
 
 “ Simple, that is their name for earth. ” 
 
 This sat me back a bit. I spent a good ten seconds blinking, trying to process what I was hearing. Then, I started talking again. Slowly, so as to make sure I was understanding what was being said. 
 
 “ You mean to tell me that, the Astasi word for ‘ Earth ’ is ‘ North Korea? ’ ” 
 
 My shock was so great, I barely felt the deluge this time. 
 
 “ Quite right. ” 
 
 “ That of all the possible phonemes in all the galaxy, they blundered into the same one that we use to describe that third-world trainwreck? ” 
 
 “ Indeed. ” 
 
 “ You are kidding. ” 
 
 “ I assure you, sir, I do not know how to kid. ” 
 
 “ Well, fuck me sideways. ”
