[ WP ] Tropeday 2.5 - Who Wants to Live Forever ?

**Hey /r/guns, Weekly Suicide Seeking Thread here, with your host /u/OneShotThrowaway... ** 
 
 Sup, gang? As the title indicates, the time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of weightier things... 
 
 I know these threads get nuked or deleted or whatever as soon as the mods catch wind of it, so I'm hoping they're all asleep and some bros are lurking here at five am. We may not have much time together, at any rate, so I'll get down to it: Gim me a few good recommendations on techniques for offing myself. You can check my posting history here to get an idea of my current arsenal, but the short list is this: 
 
 * Mossberg 500 in 12 gauge ( the old stand-by ) 
 
 * Ruger 10/22 ( too small, I'm guessing? ) 
 
 * Mosin Nagant ( *da, is of glorious, Comrade* ) 
 
 * Glock 19 ( easy to aim ) 
 
 As you can see, I really drank the Koolaid after lurking here about eight months, pretty much every `` must have'' for newbie gun collectors. I have lots of ammo for all ( should only need one bullet though, amirite? ) What are we thinking -- brain, heart, pros/cons of each, etc? 
 
 What do, Gunnit? 
 
 __________ 
 
 **Edit 1, 5:10am** Goddammit, you autists. If I did n't want to kill myself, I would've posted up on /r/SuicideWatch. Real answers only, please. As for /u/Surly_Guy's implication that I'd have to be retarded to *not* know how to kill myself with what I've got, I guess that's a valid criticism worth addressing here. 
 
 Look, I need this to be perfect. Like I've said, I've lurked here damn hard in the past year or so ( along with the /k/ board of 4chan, where these threads are more common; I do n't like the idea of getting incessantly trolled there, though ) and that's how I know that people fuck this stuff up all the time. I'm talking facial disfigurement. Severing of the optical nerve, rendering me blind. Permanent vegetative states. Slow, lingering deaths ( I guess this does n't scare me all that much, because at least I'd be gone eventually. Hate to be a burden on my folks like that, however ). 
 
 So, gim me whatcha got. 
 
 __________ 
 
 **Edit 2, 5:25am** I swear, this hive of pussies has officially become a parody of itself. Tell you what, if you do n't respect my right to die using a gun, you're as bad as the libtards not respecting your right to defend your pathetic lives using a gun. How bout you do n't judge me without knowing all the facts? Get the fuck out of this thread if you've got a problem. 
 
 I replied to /u/IdahoUdaho near the bottom, but it's worth repeating here: Yes, I get that it's harmful to gun owners to add to gun death statistics in this country by doing it this way, and I do apologize for that. Honestly. Not my intention to make you guys' lives any more difficult. If the pills had worked, we would n't be having this talk, obviously. 
 
 __________ 
 
 **Edit 3, 5:38am** Deleted from /r/guns/new. Fuck you, /u/IamIronFlan. 
 
 __________ 
 
 **Edit 4, 5:39am** Welp, looks like it's just me and the two-dozen-odd users who've replied that can see this thread now, so I guess I'll be a bit more candid. Enough of you have inquired about my reasoning behind this act, and it's apparent that I'm not gon na get anywhere until I give you something. If anyone's still listening, here ya go -- 
 
 Had a girlfriend for about a year ( yeah yeah, I know OP's a faggot today and every day, but for the sake of this story, dealwithit.gif ). Prettiest assemblage of atoms in the known universe. No shit. She was the sun, mine and everyone who knew her. Not you guys, but only because you never met her. Her hair was all honey-colored, you know? And she wore it long, for me. You all know how a chick will move in, and overnight there's fifty freaking bottles of conditioner and shit in your shower, BAM outta nowhere? Not her. Not until I asked her, begged her to grow it out. She hated messing with it, hated the extra time it took her before work or going out, etc. For me, she grew it out long and shining. For me, just because I asked her. 
 
 When the doctors gave her chemo for the cancer, I cursed every god I'd ever heard or read about and told myself that when her race was run, well, that was it for me, too. ( Side note, was n't kidding about the lashing out at fictional deities part, fun fact: you can desecrate exactly ONE synagogue with butchered pig parts before they place you on quite a bevy of watch lists. It was a hell of a hassle even getting my driver's license renewed last week, shit you not ). Three weeks ago, we buried her. I have n't eaten since. 
 
 Now, if you motherfuckers are satisfied, say something that will help me of I'll just Google my ass off and take my chances at it myself. You got a half hour, I do n't wan na see the sun come up. 
 
 __________ 
 
 **Edit 5, 6:10am** Finally, a few decent tutorials and some good advice all around. Enjoy the gold, /u/NotTheATF and /u/ok_but, you both earned it. Oh and to whoever bought *me* gold, you are one retarded son of a bitch, that is all. 
 
 A little more about my comment about the pills not working, or whatever -- was n't a figure of speech, I tried that shit. 15 Lorazepam, 5 Seconals, and 30 Tylenol down the hatch. I slept for nine hours, woke up to my alarm as usual, and went to my shitty job because I did n't know what else to do. That shit must be a Hollywood trope or something, probably why chicks are never successful at this type of thing, if that's what they're trying. 2/10, would not recommend. 
 
 Anyway, thanks for everything, you guys. See you on the other side. 
 
 And Laura, baby, I'm coming home. 
 __________ 
 
 **Edit 6, 7:14am** The sun is rising over Kauffman Stadium, and I'm obviously alive to see it. Now that I know he's clearly listening, I'll say it again: fuck. you. god. 
 
 Or jehovah. 
 
 Cthulhu. 
 
 Allah. 
 
 Whoever was on the receiving end of my words the first time. Good joke, but I'm not done trying, not by half. Not your fault though, Gunnit. Have a nice Wednesday. See you around.
