[ WP ] While putting your favorite condiment on a sandwich , you accidentally draw a symbol that summons demons .

“ Fuck yes, whoever invented dijon mustard is a legend, ” the words sloshing out of my mouth as I reached for the near empty bottle from the fridge. Genoa salami, thin prosciutto, roasted red peppers, sun dried tomatoes, and provolone cheese on freshly sliced, toasted ciabatta. Not to mention the dijon mustard to bring home the gold. This shitty college apartment may be a fucking dump, but you had better believe I ’ m going to compensate with a decent sandwich. And I needed this, now more than ever. My head was beginning to throb as I began to sober up, and the musty smell of stale beer from last night ’ s festivities crept into my nose. 
 
 As I opened the drawer for a knife, I looked down to see a few odd forks and spoons scattered in no particular organization. Living with roommates in college has its downsides, one of them being the lack of initiative for chores all around. “ Whatever, ” I sighed to myself as I gave up on utensils. I spotted a joint in the front pocket of someone I didn ’ t recognize passed out on the floor, and I helped myself. I lit my joint and took a long draw, holding it in my mouth with one hand and squeezing out a dijon turd onto my sandwich with the other. With no knife to spread it with, I resorted to using my finger. Nothing too unusual for a student with low standards such as myself. I finger painted that shit on there like a preschooler in art class. For whatever reason, I decided to have a little fun with it, drawing mock symbols and glyphs into the bread. I spread the mustard around and could swear I saw a flash of light spark, then fizzle out while looking down at my meal. Then I saw it again, only this time it didn ’ t fizzle, but split into two and drew out a circle. Then a star inside, and then strange, foreign symbols revealed themselves in each section of the star. `` What the fuck did I just smoke? ” I contemplated as I stared down at the still burning joint. 
 
 After what felt like hours of staring down the symbols, I was dumbfounded. Just when I thought my day couldn ’ t get any fucking weirder, my sandwich erupted into a huge pillar of sulfurous flame, engulfing the kitchen table. I couldn ’ t move. I didn ’ t know if I could even speak. All I could manage was to hesitantly glance between what I thought was a simple joint, and this horrible inferno from the depths of hell that now found its home in my kitchen. The flames began to flare outward, then they sank to the ground. Smoke clouded the area, but I could make out two disgusting, brutish outlines of creatures that had only some vague semblance of being human. I heard grotesque hissing and cackling from their direction as their shadows seemed to mimic laughter. They hunched over like animals. Horns reached up from their heads through the darkness. The clouds of smoke faded, but the stench of death and decay they brought remained. I could see the beasts more clearly now; they had scarred, spiked, red flesh with muscular, disfigured physiques. They stepped towards me, both heads turning at unnatural angles as they seemingly inspected me. The first thing I saw cross out of the smoke was its leg, with a black hoof at its end. 
 
 “ Your sacrifice has been weighed and found deserving of our presence. To whom do we owe this visit? And for what service shall we be employed? ” an indiscernible number of voices beckoned, though I could only see two beings in front of me. They gazed at me with piercing, yet oddly trustworthy eyes. “ Uhh.. What? ” was all I could muster, incredulously shifting my eyes between the two of them, my joint, and the spot my sandwich previously sat. 
 
 “ Oh for Christ ’ s sake, Zagan, not again, ” one of the creatures whined as it turned to the other and shrugged its arms like he just can ’ t seem to catch a break. “ Well don ’ t take it out on me, Vepar! You always do that, we talked about this, remember? ” replied the other. “ What I remember is the good old days. Back then, people WORSHIPPED US, man. We were hot shots, even that shit head Paimon wanted to party with us. Now we just get babies drawing on iPads and fucking idiots like this one, ” the first reminisced. Just when I thought they forgot about me in their bickering, the one that was referred to as Vepar turned and disappointedly looked at me. “ Look at this kid, he doesn ’ t even know what the hell is going on. I mean look around, he ’ s probably still wasted, ” he cried out as he pointed at empty beer bottles around the room and the joint teetering on the edge of my mouth. “ Nailed it, ” I spat out. Vepar dropped his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose with frustration. “ Let ’ s just go home, Zag, ” he said before they disappeared in another pillar of hellfire. I looked around to see if anyone had woken up to witness this, but everyone was either too deeply passed out or too hungover to bother looking. I shook my head and headed for the pantry for some fresh ciabatta.
