[ WP ] Write a normal-sounding story , but slowly turn it from normal to completely batshit insane .

Lucas arose from bed with a deep yawn. He checked the calendar stuck to his wall to see if anything important was on today. `` Nope, just another Monday.'' 
 
 He threw his sheets off of him and shambled down the corridor to breakfast. He made himself bacon, sausage and two poached eggs. He poured himself a glass of fruit juice and sat down at the breakfast table, ready to dig in. He bit into his sausage, devoured his bacon, ignored his eggs and drank his juice. He let out a sound of content and rubbed his stomach. `` Time for the morning commute.'' 
 
 Lucas got into his car ( a Tesla Model S ) and started the ignition. The engine purred softly, without any indication of there being any problems. Lucas rolled the car out onto the street and begun the long journey to work. The journey was always the same; cows grazing in the paddocks, bees pollinating in fields of flowers, the long stretch of dead trees and finally the bustling city, with neon signs and people on bikes hurriedly weaving between people in the streets. `` Those people on bikes are always so busy,'' 
 
 Lucas pulled into the employee car park and turned off the ignition. It was time for Lucas's day to truly begin. 
 
 Lucas walked into the employee elevator and started the slow ascent to the office floor. Lucas looked up at the elevators floor indicator to see what level he was on. `` 52....98.....1000...'' Finally, Lucas arrived on floor 9991212, where his work station was located. He somersaulted into his office chair and turned on his computer. 
 
 `` You have: 1 email,'' the computer beeped. Lucas clicked it open only to see that the email was from his deceased sister. `` She just does n't know when to stay dead, does she?'' Lucas moved the email to `` spam'' and begun surfing the internet. 
 
 `` **LUCAS! **'' yelled his boss, `` are you surfing a net without a wetsuit?'' 
 
 Lucas sighed. He was bound to be in shit now. `` Yes, sir. I forgot it, it's at ho-'' 
 
 `` DO YOU THINK THAT'S AN EXCUSE? Think of the water damage! You'd kill the computer's mainframe!'' His boss bellowed. 
 
 `` Ca n't we just use the sham-wows if that happens?'' Lucas questioned. Bad idea. 
 
 Steam poured out from Boss's ears as his face turned red. He picked Lucas up by the shirt collar and threw him out an open window. 
 
 After falling for five minutes, Lucas landed on the spongy ground with a soft thud. Lucas sighed, and got back into his car ( a Mazda 6 Stallion Wagon ) and started the ignition by pulling on the car's pull cord. The engine meow'd softly, letting James know there was nothing wrong with the car's cat indexing system. With the car turned on, Craig got out of his car and shoved a grapefruit up its exhaust pipe. The car whinnied and bucked, lifting up its hind wheels and kicking Lucas in the face. `` Car's in working condition,'' Lucas noticed. He somersaulted into the backseat and tapped in his home address into the GPS. The car rolled out onto the city street, and Lucas was off. 
 
 `` Take a left turn on Take a Right Turn Avenue,'' the GPS said. Lucas took a rolled up paper and smacked the GPS with it. The GPS whimpered. `` Recalibrating... take a right turn at Take a Right Turn avenue.'' 
 
 `` Good boy,'' Lucas said. He fed the GPS a treat and the GPS hissed affectionately. James passed by the usual landmarks: a sea of dead trees moaning about the time where they used to be alive, bees pollinating each other in fields of flowers, and cows grazing in the hair paddocks. He pulled up at his driveway and turned off the car by insulting it repeatedly. 
 
 By the time James was home, it was dinner time. Craig made man sausage and eagle bacon, just like he did this morning. He also poured himself another glass of kiwi fruit juice. 
 
 `` The eggs should be ready by now,'' Lucas noted. Lucas was correct; the poached eggs from the morning had finished their transformations into fully fledged chickens. Lucas grabbed the chickens and squeezed them, dripping chicken milk onto his sausage. James dug in and let out a sound of content. 
 
 `` Time for bed,'' James crawled into his grandmother and pulled the sheets over himself. `` Goodnight Gran,'' Lucas said. 
 
 `` Goodnight sonny,'' his gran said, `` I hope I provide you with valuable sleep time and good dreams.'' 
 
 `` You always do, Gran. You always do.'' Happy with life, James drifted to sleep. It was just an ordinary Monday day. 

