[ WP ] You have just been elected the president of the U.S only to learn that every President before you was actually a super villain , and always stopped by one man . The Prime Minister of Canada .

`` He's been elected, Prime Minister'' 
 
 *Fuck, * I think. Not already. Our moose have n't recovered yet. The next NHL season is only two months away, so all of our best soldiers will be busy. *Fuck. * `` Fine. Round up the best of the best, they can afford to miss a day or two of training,'' I tell the young cadet next to me. 
 
 *The next day* 
 
 `` You guys got here quickly.'' 
 
 `` Well, it's an important cause. And like you said, we can all afford to miss a day,'' Crosby tells me. He's a good captain, both of his team and of the Canadian Presidential Unit ( CPU, for short ). What the CPU does, you see, is take down the president. Okay, not *literally* take down ( though in some cases we did, okay, I admit it. JFK was assassinated by us, since he had a scheme in the works to take over the world ), but to threaten the president ( with death ) and keep the CPU over his head the entire time. 
 
 Thank God Obama had a change of heart towards the end. 
 
 `` Anyways, sorry for this inconvenience, but I just want you guys to give him a scare. The new guy looks harmless enough.'' `` No problem, boss.'' 
 
 I give them a smile, shake Crosby's hand and send them on their way. 
 
 *In the president's office* 
 
 `` OH MY GOD, SIDNEY FRIGGIN' CROSBY!'' 
 
 *Sigh. * I think the Minister really overestimated this guy's threat level. Toews gives me a look that says `` it could be a facade, ya know.'' I do *know, * but this guy seems just unfit to function on a day-to-day basis, let alone as president. Oh well... 
 
 *Hours later* 
 
 `` CPU? So you guys are, like, soldiers, or something?'' 
 
 So these guys think I'm a threat? Why would think that? Did they already tell me? 
 
 `` FUC-yeah, yes, we're here because every president before you has been a *super villain, * if you can prove to us you're not, we'll leave and you wo n't hear from the CPU again,'' Crosby sounds exasperated. Toews is giving me dirty looks. Sharp just looks generally annoyed. 
 
 Sharp pulls Crosby close and whispers something into his ear. 
 
 `` How about an IQ test?'' Sharp suggests to me. 
 
 `` Sure.'' 
 
 *Back at the prime minister's office* 
 
 `` So he's basically retarded, is what you're saying?'' 
 
 `` Yup. We have no idea how he was elected.'' 
 
 `` Okay, well expect an easy four years boys.''
