[ WP ] In the second coming of King Arthur , the sword in the stone has returned and thousands line up to take a turn . You step up to the stone , give a tug ... and the blade breaks .

Have you ever farted in an elevator? Cut someone off in traffic only to be stuck at the same light? Ignore a homeless guy outside the window of your car as he stares into it, eyes attempting to pierce your temple and skin straight to the soul, clearly aware of your purposeful gesture? 
 
 You know that feeling when everyone around hates you? The moment you wish you were anywhere else? 
 
 Yeah, fuck you buddy. 
 
 I hope they stared holes into you, because I promise you have n't felt what I have. It was the second of January, I know because the day it happened is part of the lyrics of the popular song: `` Fuck the guy, Jim.'' How the FCC cleared that, I'll never know. 
 
 There I was, at the sword in the stone, there to try it like everyone else. Maybe I'm the lost King Arthur, I figured. Might as well give it a whirl. 
 
 Yeah. 
 
 You probably know this. I broke it. Someone called my name as I pulled so I jerked to the left and it was just a disaster. 
 
 I held up the broken hilt with a bit of the blade still on it, hoping my gesture of victory would confuse the crowd into believing it to be a good thing, as opposed to me destroying the symbol of hope for billions of people on this planet, many of whom flew out to New York to try pulling the blade for themselves, and as I held the blade, I was met with boo's. 
 
 Then tomatoes. Apparently it was a bad idea to clean the tomato using the sword's hilt as a napkin, as they only got angrier. 
 
 As I said, it was a disaster. 
 
 But maybe it counted, pulling half the sword. So this is page one of my new journal: Possibly King Arthur's Journal.
