[ WP ] The reason she never called you back was because she was abducted by an alien civilization . She adapted , grew , and lead a rebellion to overthrow the tyrant that ruled there . Today she just texted that she wants to go out again .

`` I'm sorry, _who_ is this again?'' 
 
 The series of texts I received from the unfamiliar number read like a weird, condensed sci fi romance novel. Professions of an undying attraction - so powerful as to destroy a stellar empire - do n't generally appear out of the woodwork when you're a middle-aged shut-in making their living by writing fake product reviews on the internet. 
 
 `` lol, it's me. Katie. From Craigslist, like... 3 years ago? Already? Anyway, do n't you remember Halloween?'' 
 
 I vaguely remembered being at a bar and waiting for a costume contest to begin. I had gone with a girl I'd just met; in an attempt to calm my nerves I'd been drinking, but I managed to overshoot suave and relaxed and land squarely into `` WOO! DRUNK ON HALLOWEEN!'' inebriation. I _became_ the grotesque, toothy monster I was dressed as; I hobbled awkwardly around the bar, much to the amusement of the attendees and the obvious disdain of my date. 
 
 You have to work the crowd if you want to win the contest, but what would SHE know about Halloween... she did n't even wear a costume. Blasphemy. 45 minutes later I was the proud winner of a $ 200 bar tab. My date was nowhere to be found. I was dragged from the memory by the notification of another text: 
 
 `` So yeah, sorry you have n't heard from me. As I explained, things have been kind of hectic. I totally did n't mean to bail and would love to pick up where we left off!'' 
 
 I smiled a bit, dedicating to a two-part response: 
 
 `` Yes! I remember you! With the fluid dynamics degree, Subway fondness, and intense exercise routine! I just figured that the combination of my drunken jackassery and contest enthusiasm put you off...'' 
 
 ``... And in a way I wish it had. You did n't dress up for Halloween - being that caliber of party pooper is a deal-breaker in my book. I appreciate the elaborate story you constructed, but I'm not interested.'' 
 
 Over the next few minutes my phone beeped plaintively a few more times, begging me to pay attention. Deciding I'd rather not be distracted from my Boardwalk Expire binge any further I shut the needy device off, slid my takeout food closer upon the coffee table, cracked open a beer, and unpaused the show.
