[ WP ] Every single imaginable apocalypse happens simultaneously .

`` Hello there and welcome back to fox news. Today, we are taking a comprehensive look at the apocalypse that is happening now. Joining us today is Cardinal Julius, Professor Robertson, and the host from history channel's alien show. for their individual takes on the apocalypse today. Let's start with a simple question: what do you men believe is happening? Let's begin with you Professor Robertson.'' 
 
 `` Thanks Katie, and I believe that there is a rational, scientific explanation to the recent events, but we just have n't studied them enough. I mean, there must be a reason why on the day aliens invaded, beasts that coincide with the biblical demons rose from the ground all while our nuclear missiles detonated to combat dead rising from their graves. There are theories as to what is happening, but we ca n't truly answer what is happening in the scientific community at this point. It couldnt have been a coincidence that everything happened on the same day. The reason being that the aliens somehow got rid of the background radiation from the nukes, but when they tried to invade, the `` demons'' destroyed them. Then, when the demons tried to rule, the undead destroyed them, and then we got back to the nuclear solution. A neat cycle like this is n't natural! Anyway, I am slightly curious, how do you feel about this Cardinal? There are multiple events that coincide with the rapture, but the bible said nothing about... Well, everything else.'' 
 
 `` I believe that God had stated that the rapture will come for us, but he may have believed we were worthy of redemption as well. The reason being that he gave us a trial by adding in other elements to hinder the rapture. I believe that if we overcome this, we shall see salvation in the end. Alas, I have talked too much, and have n't allowed the third guest speaker to display his input. You may begin you view, my brother.'' 
 
 `` Aliens... Everybody laughed at me, but who is laughing now!?!? History channel got this right! Hell yes! Anyway, I just think we are all just very unlucky.'' 
 
 `` That wraps up our discussion for today. Next on Fox: are vampires the key to ending this cycle? The answer may surprise you.''
