[ WP ] The new Nokia cellphone model is literally a rock and is the most successful phone yet ! You are a salesman . Sell me the phone/rock .

I started my sales pitch. `` Have a look at the All New Nokia Crag 3! This new smart phone has new and innovative special features... is stylish... and so... much... more...'' 
 
 I trailed off as I realized how silly I sounded. I looked at the executive for Nokia, the one who I was supposed to pitch this rock to as a test for the new campaign, and I shook my head in disgust. 
 
 `` Seriously,'' I said. `` I tried, honest, but really. You want me to sit here and sell you a rock. A freaking rock. You can pick one up anywhere, but because it has'Nokia' on the side of it, and we give it a model name, you are gon na seriously sit here and make me pitch this?'' 
 
 `` Well, yes, of course,'' said Mr. Martin. `` People are buying it off the shelves faster than we can make them...'' 
 
 `` MAKE them?'' I said in exapseration. `` This has got to be the dumbest thing yet. You're telling me that these things SELL, which is bad enough, but you're MAKING them?! They're ROCKS!'' 
 
 Martin looked at me askance. `` Mr. Schivelli, I can see that your quite skeptical, but believe you me, these'rocks', as you call them, are the hottest phones on the planet.'' 
 
 He shoved a printout of the sales towards me... and it looked like he was n't lying. Thousands and thousands, and that's just in the first month... what the heck was going on here? 
 
 I looked up, incredulous. `` You're joking.'' 
 
 `` I assure you, I am not,'' said Mr. Martin. `` Once people get their hands on a Crag 3, it sells, and we can ask any price we want. Quite profitable.'' 
 
 I picked up the rock. Hefted it, turned it about. `` It's a rock.'' 
 
 `` Are you sure about this, Mr. Schivelli? It seems quite the capable smartphone, to me...'' 
 
 `` It. Is....'' I started to retort, but then paused. I held the rock. Hefted it some more. It's smooth exterior beckoned to me visually, the weight in my hand perfectly balanced. I found myself with this unexplainable desire to actually hold it up to my ear to see how it felt... and did so. 
 
 **oooh... that's nice... ** I found myself thinking. 
 
 I brought it back, and started to caress the Crag 3, tapping it as a test to see how it felt to text with. I put it back up to my ear again... the coolness was soothing. 
 
 ``... a wonderful product!'' I found myself exclaiming to Mr. Martin. `` I ca n't wait to sell it for you guys... can you internet on it too?'' 
 
 `` Oh, my, yes. Anywhere in the world, quite literally. We've been working hard on the expansion projects and the speeds are very very good,'' soothed Mr. Martin. 
 
 I was sold. `` So far what I've seen, well, the Crag 3 is a winner in my book. It just works so well! And the apps for it, I just ca n't imagine how good they're gon na be, right?'' 
 
 `` Indeed, Mr. Schivelli.'' 
 
 `` Well, hot damn!'' I said excitedly. I could n't wait to get going. `` Where do I start? No, wait, WHEN do I start?'' 
 
 Mr. Martins voice was calm and assuring. `` You already have, Mr. Schivelli. As a token of our trust, this Crag 3 is yours to keep. Do n't lose it! But you'll have a new number. It's 888 555 1253, can you remember that?'' 
 
 `` Easy peasy.'' 
 
 `` Fantastic, Mr. Schivelli. Just go out and show off your new Crag 3 to everyone you meet. Make sure they hold it for themselves, it is rather important they feel it. Send them to the new Nokia Experience stores. Ensure them the phone will work with any carrier. Each one that comes in should mention you, and you will get a nice bonus for each one.'' 
 
 Mr. Martin extended his hand, and I took it with enthusiasm as I rattled off the Cliff notes. `` They got ta hold it. Nokia Experience. Got it. Thank you, thank you SO much, Mr. Martin!'' I gushed. `` You wo n't regret it!'' 
 
 I hurried out of the door to the elevator, itching with unbridled desire to tell the world about the fantastic Crag 3... 
 
 -- - 
 
 Mr. Martin's cell phone rang. A real one. He answered, `` Hello?'' 
 
 The voice at the other end spoke: *Hello, Mr. Martin. How are things progressing on Earth? * 
 
 `` Ah, Mr. Allen. Yes, progressing nicely. I've infiltrated Nokia, of course. And I've introduced the Crag 3 on schedule.'' 
 
 *Excellent. You're recruiting now? * 
 
 `` Just had my first one. The results were more than satisfactory. I expect the same in the other cities.'' 
 
 *Truly good news then. Have there been any complications? * 
 
 Mr. Martin's silky tones would be lulling indeed to most humans as he replied, `` As expected, a few humans are not exactly receptive to the mineral, but with more exposure, the ones we found to be resistant do eventually come around.'' 
 
 *Most encouraging indeed. Timetable expectations? * 
 
 `` I expect that the planet's population will be converted in approximately 3 of their Earth months, give or take a Terran day or two. That can be firmed up in a few more days, after the other cities around the planet get their injection of the product.'' 
 
 *Again, excellent. Continue your work, Mr. Martin. Soon, you can come home, and we will feast like no others have. Allen, out. * 
 
 **Indeed, a feast for the ages**, thought Mr. Martin. **These humans will be quite tasty, and make good workers for the mines. And they procreate SO well... almost like a virus... we'll never starve... ** 
 
 The intercom on the table buzzed, and the secretary spoke. `` Mr. Martin, your next interviewee is here.'' 
 
 `` Grand. Send them in,'' Mr. Martin said, as he readied another Crag 3.
