[ WP ] You are a lowly minion in a computer game . The hero has just completed a speed run , and you have to report to your boss and explain why you were spared , while so many of your comrades were slain .

`` Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit,'' Kobold Minion 7 muttered to himself in an obscure Draconic dialect as he surveyed the scene around him. Most of his comrades lay dead, the rest dying. More than a handful had been dismembered, vaporized, or burned beyond all recognition. 
 
 He'd only been gone for a few minutes- just a quick trip to the subbasement to relieve himself. Sure, he'd taken a few minutes to soak in the warm glow of the magma pool on the way back, but he did that nearly every day. Nothing ever happened in the dungeon. Every day, it was just Kobold Minion 7 and his broodmates sacrificing screaming humans to the dragon two chambers over while the Wyrmpriests fattened themselves on fresh insect meat. 
 
 But of course he was the one left to tell the Dungeon Master that everything had gone wrong. Because the damn heroes had chosen that particular moment to rampage through the sacrificial chamber. 
 
 Kobold Minion 7 yanked open the secret passageway in the side of the chamber and walked off the grid. He jogged over to the edge of the table, electing to get everything over with quickly rather than draw it out. 
 
 `` James,'' called Kobold Minion 7, `` James, we got ta talk!'' 
 
 The Dungeon Master returned from his pizza break and kneeled down, lowering himself to Kobold Minion 7's level. 
 
 `` What's up, Seven?'' asked James in a booming, godlike voice. `` Everything okay down there?'' 
 
 `` Everything's dead, boss. The players left the encounter, but they also left me. Sincerely sorry sir, I know I probably would have made the difference in the fight, and for that I'm sorry.'' 
 
 `` It's all good, Seven,'' James said warmly. `` We've got another fight next week. What do you think about being cast as a Red Dragon this time?'' 
 
 `` I'd... I'd be honored, sir!'' croaked Kobold Minion 7 disbelievingly. `` I've always wanted to be a dragon!'' 
 
 James smiled and placed Seven gently in the game drawer. 
 
 `` See you in a week, buddy,'' he said as the drawer began to slide shut. `` You'll get them next time.''
