[ WP ] Write a short satire about a normal person embodying a modern hero ( much like Don Quixote )

`` I am Kanye.'' he thought to himself as he donned his costume. 
 
 He reached for some fish sticks and ate them messily. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 His costume was uniquely tailored specifically for his body. It was form fitting, stab-resistant, bullet-resistant, and was a perfect match for his skin tone, making him appear naked. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 Kanye West dove through his living room window, shattering it. After he got up from his failed roll he went to his solid gold car and drove through his gate, shattering his headlights. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 He had been fighting crime for two whole weeks now. He had n't seen any crooks, but he knew they were out there. Probably hiding from him knowing they'd get served. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 As he sped down the residential neighborhoods going 30mph over the limit, he saw some children vandalizing someone's lawn. They were dressed in swimwear and stomping all over it while running through a sprinkler. This could not stand. He skidded to a halt and exited the vehicle, the smell of burnt rubber surrounding him like a shroud. 
 He shrieked, `` I AM KANYE!'' 
 
 The children were stunned, standing motionless in the sprinkler as a seemingly naked man with a solid gold car was shrieking at them. 
 Again, `` I AM KANYE!'' 
 
 He charged at the kids who split up and ran to their prospective homes. He dove onto the sprinkler to protect the lawn and broke a rib as the sprinkler impaled him slightly. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 Pain was part of the job. Pain meant it was working, that the criminals infesting the streets of the town were afraid. Pain was his reward. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 He got up, gushing blood on the lawn out of his chest. He saw one of the kids got locked out. This was his chance. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 He sprinted at the child, leaving a trail of blood behind him. The child screamed and desperately started clawing the door, hoping whoever was inside would let him in. Too late. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 He started doing pelvic thrusts in front of the child, dancing fervently as the child looked on in horror. His elbows swinging back and forth, his pelvis repeatedly thrusting, a look of pure determination on his face. He was unstoppable. 
 `` I AM KANYE!'' He shrieked again. `` I AM KANYE!'' 
 
 The child was pale, his flesh sloughing from his bones. He dropped to the ground dead. He deserved it for his transgressions. 
 `` I am Kanye.'' 
 
 His work here was done. He knew the people would thank and love him. He got back in is car and drove through a fence on his way home, killing a dog. 
 `` I am Kanye... I am Kanye.''
