[ WP ] Every single person we have lost to the eternal void of death throughout our history will rejoin us tomorrow .

Thomas Jefferson stared at the camera. Debra Jennings was slack-jawed. She gulped. 
 
 `` E-Everyone?'' Jeffers took a long drag from his reefer. 
 
 `` Yes. Everyone.'' Debra bit back a sob. 
 
 `` Would that include those who died recently?'' Jeffers nodded, his eyes sympathetic. 
 
 `` Lost someone recently have you?'' Debra broke down. 
 
 `` I'm gon na see Mary?'' She asked, begging for confirmation. Jeffers nodded. She ran out of the room, sobbing. He watched her go, a pensive look on his face. The camera was still on. He took another drag. 
 
 `` I was sent here early to make sure the world was prepared. America at least. Churchill got England. Hitler's working on Germany, the poor bastard, and Remy volunteered for France. Stalin grabbed Russia. The world should be informed pretty soon. Now, let's get down the details.'' Puff puff. 
 
 `` First of all, we do n't have enough space for most of the people coming back. So we're going to Mars. The dead can handle it, and they'll make it livable. Loads actually do n't want to come back, their generations all in the... After-Dark, I suppose you could call it.'' He chittered. 
 
 `` Forgive my speech, I've spent too long with the skinheads. Anyways, we'll get Mars up and running. Most of the oldies will come back. The adventurous and the powerful want to see what their mark did to the world. Twain is certainly interested in this internet phenomenon, and Caesar wants to tour Europe, see what it's like to be a peasant once. And the cavemen are incredibly interested in... everything. All those damn questions they had, and now they can finally see the world I described. They're not too happy about the gecko, however.'' Jeffers stood up. 
 
 `` We also have a few rules. The dead may not intervene in any wars or political climates. We can advise, and I will certainly be doing my fair share, but we have no power. This is n't negotiable, it's a universal fact. The dead can not interfere with the living.'' Drag. 
 
 `` That's it. Any questions can be answered tomorrow. We have customs all set up, with many dead volunteering to process our journey back into the world of the living. We'll have cards, documentation, and all that jazz. A TSA agent by the name of Cutter was very helpful in this process. So, goodnight.'' And Jeffers walked away. 
 
 The newsroom was incredibly quiet. Then, someone started whooping and hollering. 
 
 `` I get to finally ask Michael for his fucking autograph!
