[ EU ] You are an NPC in skyrim . Everyday you wake up , a new mod is installed .

Each day I wake up and drag myself to the mirror before I open my eyes. If I'm lucky, its just me - plain old Hafdir, the town guard. Some days I look a bit better, or a bit worse. Some days my equipment is different. Some days - well, I wo n't speak of that now. 
 
 
 It's only when I step into the street that I really know what my day will be like. Some days, the town citizens are hideously deformed or changed. They scream nonsenses and obscenities. New people seem to appear each day, fresh horrors, twisted souls in human guise. I walk past them and keep my head down. Horrible as they may be, they are my citizens, and it's my job to protect them. 
 
 
 Protect them from what? 
 
 Some days, thousands of dragons swarm overhead. 
 
 Some days, the swarms are not dragons, but iron carriages with sickly smiling faces. 
 
 Some days, the plains are covered from horizon to horizon with crabs dressed in genteel finery. 
 
 
 I've seen men turned to cheese. I've seen the high king of skyrim execute my brothers. I've seen beasts from unknown worlds, and worlds once familiar become alien under my feet, and loved ones morph into beautiful and scantily clad women. Reality itself changes daily, rewritten. I'm the thin line of sanity in a world of Eldritchian horror gone mad, fighting against insanity that not even Sheogorath would find funny. 
 
 
 One thing, and one thing only keeps me going - the determination to find whatever ( or whoever ) has done this to the world I love, and bash them with my axe until they stop. But in the meantime, I will keep on guarding the things... the people I once cared for. 
 
 
 I pull myself out of bed and open my eyes. Today, I am a large blue hedgehog. My axe appears to be a rubber phallus, and my shield is a sweet roll. I sigh. 
 
 
 My name is Hafdir, and I am in hell.
