You 're moments late to literally everything . You watch busses pull away as you run behind them , girls get asked out as you walk up to them , and you have never caught a green light . One day though , you arrive on time . [ WP ]

`` Hi! Welcome to Hell!'' Said a cheerful and busty she-demon. 
 
 `` What?'' I said, kind of dazed and more than a little confused. 
 
 `` You're Hell's newest arrival, and right in time! Satan loves punctuality!'' 
 
 `` But, I'm never on time... Wait, I'm in HELL?!?!'' 
 
 `` Yes. You were supposed to go to Heaven, but arrived a smidgen too late. Another slot may open up in a few hundred years. However, you arrived right on time for Hell. Lucky you!'' 
 
 `` So, I died too late to go to Heaven and now I'm stuck in Hell for a couple of centuries?'' 
 
 `` Yepp!'' replied the very perky but unhelpful she-demon. 
 
 `` How did I die?'' I asked still not quite able to wrap my head around what was going on. 
 
 `` You were trying to seek refuge in a root cellar from a tornado, but the tornado sucked you up right when you were reaching up to shut the doors behind you.'' She looked thoughtful for a moment. `` Why was someone as habitually late as you traveling through Tornado Alley?'' 
 
 `` I was trying to find my birth father. He had a heart attack right before I knocked on the door.'' 
 
 `` Oh!'' She exclaimed and then flipped through a large book that appeared next to her, apparently summoned by thought. `` He arrived not too long ago. Looks like you'll get that reunion after all. Right this way!'' 
 
 Figures.
