[ WP ] Your guardian angel hates you . But they still have to do their job ... technically ...

Never EVER ever ever ever date your guardian angel. Trust me it does not go well. I do n't know why I was given the crazy one who decided to reveal herself to me. And I do n't know why in Hell there was n't a form to get reassigned. 
 
 We broke up after dating for a tumultuous four months. I do n't even understand how you can get attached that quickly with such ferocity. There was that one time where she flew me up to the top of a high rise in New York and we sat perched on the brick ledge watching the night. We had our first kiss that night, man you should kiss an angel sometime it is out of this world. 
 
 Anyways, back to what I meant to start saying. Mary now just makes my life miserable. Today it was absolutely pouring, the kind of rain that comes at you sideways. I was rushing to make the crosswalk, all I did was look up and make sure that little dude was inside the crossing indicator. This asshat in a slammed Toyota went straight through the red and was on track to take me out. `` Thankfully'' Mary decided to actually do her job and save me. She did this by pushing me back and to the left, straight into the muddiest grossest puddle in all of New York. No amount of showers could get the smell of piss, stale cigarettes and mildewy newspaper off of me. 
 
 This was not the first time she did her job less than enthusiastically. A few weeks after we broke up I walked my Dalmatian through a less than safe neighborhood when a small firefight broke out. I heard some yelling about `` dope'' and `` my bitch'' and then shots started ringing out. I guess a bullet was on path to my head cause Mary stepped in and directed the.12 straight into my helpless Spot. 
 
 After that incident I did something I had never done before, pray. I prayed to God to give me a new guardian angel. I told him that if he could do me that one favor I would go to church, hell I would even become a priest. I'm still waiting for him to get back to me. 
 
 At this point I'm afraid to leave my house. I do n't to put myself in danger, thus putting anything I love in danger. God, she is a creative bitch I'll tell you that much. The stuff that she thinks of to subject me to should make her the fucking Devil... oh my god that's brilliant! Screw this praying to God stuff, I'm gon na pray to the Devil. If I can convince him to take her on as assistant I would be home free. I'll take my chances without a guardian angel, just get her away from me. I'll be back, I have some praying to do.
