[ WP ] Satan was cast from heaven after discovering that God was a truly horrible , awful deity and he actually rebelled against Him for the good of all humanity . The truth was removed from the Bible .

Boom! Stomp! Bang! Boom! Stomp! Bang! Boom! Stop! Bang! 
 
 `` Quiet down!'' Satan yelled up to humanity from the center of the Earth. 
 
 Yep, he was actually there. He was n't living in fire, pain, agony, whatever. He had a quaint and charming 1 bedroom studio apartment with central air and a spiral staircase. 
 
 The neighborhood was OK. On his right there was a young martian family who's grandfather designed the Pyramid of Giza — they had an above ground pool. Satan tried not to be judgmental but tacky is tacky. On his left was Big Foot, the one and only. He was a sexual deviant and always threw wild parties and walked around naked with the the blinds open. He was cordial, though. 
 
 Satan grabbed his flip phone and dialed. The noises of the Earthlings continued, accompanied with the faint noise of ringing. 
 
 `` Hey Beelze. Sup? Cool. Listen the world is way too loud for me to sleep right now. I got an 8 ball of cocaine, some whiskey and a ping pong table. You in? Great. See you in a bit.'' Satan flipped the flip phone closed with a flip. 
 
 Beelze was his dude. They had moved down here together after the banishment by the Almighty Prick. They got fucked up and played ping pong a lot — Hell was pretty all right. 
 
 Beelze arrived quickly and the two got to getting. A couple of lines, a shot, a couple of lines, a shot, a couple of lines, a couple more lines — oh boy. 
 
 `` Fuck that fucking arrogant twat!'' Satan said with a coked out swat of the ping pong paddle. Beelze returned with a coked out back hand. He was used to Satan bitching about God and, frankly, was bored of him being all bitch and no slap. 
 
 `` Go up there and curb stomp his messed up ass,'' Beelze suggested. `` You know he's probably up there beating it to the humans cutting each others heads off with butter knives. He's sick!'' Beelze said coked out and grossed out. 
 
 He really was sick. God sucked. He just was better at playing the game than Satan and his crew, and bigger and stronger too. He was a complete sociopath, and could n't give two shits about the human condition. Satan, on the other hand, gave lots of shits about the human condition. Their existence is just sad, he would always say. Most every human on Earth saw Satan as an evil villain snake-thing, and that made him sad. Satan coked out spiked the ball to end the coked out game. 
 
 `` You ca n't just kill God, Beelze! He's not some fragile human, he's life itself and can bench 280. The only way God can die is if he killed himself, and pray for that,'' Satan said pointing his middle finger at the heavens. The thud of loud hip hop permeated the 1 bedroom studio apartment. 
 
 `` Fucking, Big Foot, man. That dude does more blow than we do,'' Satan looked out the window at his neighbors house. Cocaine is a fleeting high, and he needed another bump, but for a few minutes he felt like the Angel of Light. The shivering sensation of learning to love yourself made him tear up a little. He wiped it away and went back to the coke. 
 
 Satan and Beelze played ping pong the rest of the night, until every way in hell to get fucked up was exhausted. As Satan drifted to sleep on the sofa he said to Beelze,'' I would rather have one great friend in hell than be God.'' 
 
 He meant it, and it's true. Everyone in the world knows it's true.
