[ WP ] The mega office buildings of the future have grown so huge that a nomadic people developed who travel from office wing to wing , subsisting on leftover doughnuts , birthday cakes , and pizza parties .

We think They travel in the air ducts, the massive half-mile wide tubes of metal circulating fresh air throughout the Titan Complex. Once a repairman found footprints in the dust that had built up in a passage that had been blocked up for several months. But They ’ re either too clean or too careful to let Themselves go noticed. They have to be now. 
 
 At first They weren ’ t a real problem. In fact, the custodial workers were big fans. Whenever they ’ d have to clean up after a party where several metric tons of pizza was airlifted in, it was a relief to not have to deal with sweeping up the fetid remains of so much cheese and tomato sauce. There were rumors that some of the cafeterias in the tropospheric quarters would intentionally leave their pantries filled with expired food open overnight. In the morning they would be picked so clean that all the employees would have to do was hose the place down and restock it. 
 
 The scientists were the funniest part. They begged the higher-ups to allow them to study Them. Something about Them being representative of one of the first organic biomes to evolve in an artificial environment. They were turned down, of course. They couldn ’ t officially admit that there were vagrants living off their garbage. But some of those lab-coats still tried to do research on the sly, getting second jobs as custodians or nightwatchmen. But again, They were always too crafty to get caught. 
 
 But then something strange happened. Various catering companies would get orders to unpopulated parts of the Complex still under construction. Upon arrival the delivery workers would be swiftly killed and the food stolen. The poor workers would be found riddled with arrows made from Number Two pencils or gutted with swords made from paper cutters. 
 
 They had evolved from scavengers to hunters. Whole cafeterias would be slaughtered for the salad bars and drinking machines. Birthday party massacres became commonplace. The attacks got so bad they had to cancel the Thanksgiving AND Christmas parties! 
 
 Now armed guards patrol the cafeterias. Garbage is transported to the incinerators in armored vehicles. We ’ ve all been advised to rent out company weapons. But with what? I ’ m a J-5 employee! I can barely afford my apartment, let alone monthly payments for a handgun! 
 
 I do hope we manage to catch Them soon. My birthday ’ s next month. And what good ’ s a birthday party without cake and punch?
