[ WP ] Despite being peaceful , humans are universally feared through out the galaxy as harbingers of death . They are hosts to the most dangerous diseases and bacteria ever discovered . Average number of fatalities from a single human exposure is ~8,000 with some exceptions . Avoid at all costs .

`` Hey Phillip, put down the Spud and stabilize the left arm for me, will you?'' 
 
 Phillip hurried across the room, annoyed. Spud was his favorite drink, a delightful frothy brew that electrified his tentacles in a most arousing way. A giant glass window separated Phillip and Brillo, the two eight tentacled Bandits responsible for containing the weapon. On the other side of the glass, the blue green creatures controlled mechanical arms in a rather empty room. 
 
 `` Brillo, remind me again why we have to do this now? I thought we could get high for a little bit before, ya know, we tried to destroy the Flappers again.'' 
 
 `` Damnit Philip, because it's our goddamn job. And if we do n't concentrate, there's a good chance we'll get ourselves killed. Plus, Bobby needs the weapon in less than a hour.Okay?'' 
 
 Philip was scared of Bobby. Bobby was their senior officer, a giant purple blob with a mouth full of sharp teeth. His tentacles were sharpened into daggers, a painful surgery only the generals were allowed to have. Word on the streets was that Bobby killed the doctors for screwing up tentacle six, which was grotesquely crooked, an oddity that would making finding a mate difficult. 
 
 Phillip took control of the mechanical left arm as Brillo controlled the right. Together they opened the clamps and placed them over the Human torso. 
 
 Brillo cleared his throat. `` On three.'' 
 
 `` One..two..three!'' 
 
 The clamps snapped down over the Human, jostling him awake. 
 
 `` AAAAHHH... what is this place? Where the hell am I??? Get me out of here!!!'' 
 
 `` Goddamnit Philip, the tranquilizer wore off. Quick, stuff him into the missile.'' 
 
 Philip and Brillo controlled the arms in unison, stuffing the Human into a giant pod. It was a tight fit, and the snapping bones and violent screams lasted only momentarily. A missile head closed off the pod as it took on a fresh coat of paint with the Bandit logo, a giant Octopus with tentacles wrapped around a planet. 
 
 `` Nice job Brillo. I'll call Bobby over.'' 
 
 `` Ya okay, no problem. He'll be happy. I ca n't believe we actually got a Human. Fuck, we only lost 50,000 soldiers. But with this one, well Philip, we should be able to wipe out half of the Flapper planet.'' 
 
 `` Do you know where the army plans on launching it?'' 
 
 `` I'm not sure... Philip, what's that smell? Is your nose burning?'' 
 
 Philip was on the floor before he could answer, blood pouring out of his eye sockets. 
 
 `` Hel..pp... gurgg... meeeeee.achceeee'' Philip's body exploded all over the glass window, showcasing a variety of colorful guts and rodent flesh, the contents of his last meal. 
 
 As Brillo fell to the floor, doomed to the same fate, his eyes caught the ventilation switch. Philip forgot to turn it off. They were breathing in Human air. 
 
 `` Goddamnit Phil..'' KABLAM! Philips guts shot through the air, a tentacle landing on the handle of the door, opening it. 
 
 Human contaminated air seeped through the ship. The exploding bodies made a beautiful harmony as the noise echoed off the hull, and as the ship plummeted off course into the nothingness of space, General Bobby watched from his command chair, awaiting his fate. 
 
 He grabbed a Spud, and chugged it down. 
 
 `` Goddamnit Philip.'' 
 
 -- - 
 

