[ WP ] When a person dies , they do not leave their body . They are sentient inside their corpse until it is destroyed/decomposed .

Ha. Oddly fitting, I think, to cremate someone who drowned. I bet old man Yao would have gotten a kick out of it. Yin and yang, right? Water and fire - son, you balanced elements. Good. Well done. Yeah, that's what he would've said. Probably. I should've asked him about it when he was still alive. Not that I could have known, of course - but still. For that matter, if I wanted balance I should have asked them to give me a Viking funeral. Now *that's* water and fire. Dunno if they allow those things these days. Maybe there's a permit or something required? Who knows. 
 
 I've discovered that getting cremated is a surprisingly boring process. After the medical examiner did her checkup, I just lay there for hours and hours. I supposed I should have reflected on my life or something. Maybe converted to a religion or two, signed off on my sins, O forgive me Lord for I have sinned Hail Mary Amen. All that good stuff. I probably should have done it, or at least thought about my life, but honestly there had n't been much to think about. My death did n't have a higher purpose, that I knew. I was just an idiot. A big ol' goddamn fucking idiot. 
 
 How many times had I heard people say it? Do n't try and rescue someone who's drowning,'cause you might end up screwing up and dying too. I did n't even know the lady. That's what really gets to me. I did n't even *know the goddamn lady*. What had I been hoping for? Would I give her CPR after dragging her body ashore? Would she sing my praises and pledge to me money, love, sexual favors? I knew life did n't work like that. And I think I knew, as I flailed with her clutching at me, nails burrowed in my skin, her air going and mine, that a drowning woman is more siren than those mermaids ever make themselves out to be. 
 
 And the funny thing is, as the water tightened and swirled around me, I had the biggest lightbulb moment. This was forever, was n't it? This was it. It did n't matter that I'd spent the last twenty-odd years screwing around and hoping for big grand things, and maybe even *trying* sometimes. This moment with everything silent and blue-tinted, swallowing me whole - this is all there is. All that there will ever be. 
 
 A friend once told me that to hone their self-discipline, Buddhists build an image up in their head, detail by detail. When the image has become almost impossibly complex, they take it apart, piece by piece, and never allow it to enter their minds again. In this way, they train themselves not to become attached to impermanence. Man. I should've been a Buddhist. One moment I'm a walking, talking human being, and the next moment, bam - I'm a dead man. That's just how it works. Impermanence and shit. And soon I'll be ashes, and from there on, who knows? If my mouth were n't stiff with rigor mortis, I'd laugh out loud. I'm quite the phoenix, it turns out. The best drowning phoenix there ever was. 
 
 I wonder, suddenly, why it is that as a boy, I slayed dragons and never thought to rescue myself from the mermaids. As they push me, casket and all, into the cremation chamber, I resolve to be more careful next time. If there is a next time. If I could go back, that's what I'd say to younger me. *Shut it, kid. You do n't kill fire. You do n't have to. Watch out for the mermaids, kid. That's where it's at. * 
 
 They've probably started the cremation, because flames are beginning to eat through the flimsy pine box I've been tucked into. God, they really cheaped out on this funeral. The box is warped, unpainted - just all around ugly. Well, I guess me and everything in here's going to be burnt up anyways. No sense in beautifying something marked for death. Impermanence, right? 
 
 It's funny how life works. I've tried to kill dragons and their fire. I've done it all my life. So how come it's only when I am stone cold that the flames burrowing into my body become so exceptionally beautiful?
