[ WP ] Stay frosty , gentlemen .

`` Stay frosty, gentlemen.'' Keith smiled and looked at Henry and Neil sidelong. 
 
 `` Nice, man.'' Henry said, and rolled his eyes. 
 
 `` Jesus.'' Neil turned on the electric mixer and beat together the mixture of powdered sugar, vanilla, and butter. It began to turn into creamy frosting. The loud whirring of the mixer filled the kitchen. 
 
 Keith caught Henry's eye. `` I fucked your wife last summer!'' He said. 
 
 `` *HUH*?!'' Henry asked over the din of the mixer, which Neil turned off a second later. 
 
 `` I said,'Why the fuck are we doing this?' How did the two of you convince me to bake a cake with you?'' 
 
 Neil and Henry looked at each other. `` What are you talking about?'' Henry spread his hands. `` This was your idea! Was n't it?'' 
 
 `` *My* idea? I would rather be doing anything else right now. I'd rather be reading the dictionary underwater. *You* guys talked me into this... right?'' 
 
 `` God, no!'' Neil said. `` I thought our wives wanted us to do it. I mean -- Did n't they?'' 
 
 Henry took off his apron. It had a picture of a gigantic steak on it and said `` EAT MY MEAT'' in bold type. He crumpled it up and threw it onto the counter. 
 
 `` Is n't that better to wear for a barbecue?'' Keith asked. 
 
 `` I do n't care. I'm not cooking anything if we do n't even know why we're doing it!'' 
 
 `` Baking.'' Neil said. 
 
 `` Whatever! I mean... how did I even get here? Did I drive, or...?'' Henry shook his head, looking confused. 
 
 Keith scratched his head. `` I do n't remember either.'' 
 
 Time stopped. Neil, Henry and Keith were completely still, frozen in place. Slowly, a resonant hum filled the air and in the middle of the kitchen, a blazing, swirling portal opened. It was a six-foot-high vortex of shifting color, and it was surrounded by a glowing corona of light. With a *SHOOP*, two creatures stepped out of it. They were tall and freakishly thin. Their skin was smooth and grey, their glassy black eyes implacable. 
 
 `` And we've failed yet again.'' 
 
 `` Failure is not an option, Glooby. Human cake is our people's only hope, and these are the only abductees we have. We must get them to produce it for us.'' 
 
 `` Reset the simulation, Gobbo. Try modifying the apron.'' 
 
 `` How about,'Touch My Buns'?'' 
 

