[ WP ] Every single imaginable apocalypse happens simultaneously .

Dave was n't the kind to get melodramatic. He had stood in the face of death and not batted his eyes, but this was too much. He had always taken cartoons, movies, all types of moving pictures so seriously. He remembered when he was little, he would yell out at how stupid the President was, and how you should n't go into that door, how the characters came to ridiculous conclusions based on pretty much nothing. Some would call him obsessive, as he was the first human to criticize a deus ex machina in a movie the second he was born, yet had never written a script himself. 
 
 `` Son! I'm going to have a heart attack.'' 
 
 `` What? Dad, I'm going out with my girlfriend right now!'' 
 
 `` You can spare one goddamn minute for your Father's wellbeing, ca n't you? Now get me a gallon of beer and a stress ball!'' 
 
 `` What? Dad? Why? I thought you were going to have a heart attack!'' 
 
 `` Jasper, I was being figurative.'' 
 
 Jasper sucked up his anger and breathed out angrily. `` Fine.'' 
 
 As he was rummaging through the fridge, Jasper shouted out. `` Dad! You still have n't told me what's wrong!'' 
 
 Silence, except for the obnoxious sound of the TV. Jasper grunted. He was always a slave to the screen. He snatched up a beer and walked over to his father. 
 
 `` What is going on!'' 
 
 Dave pointed to the screen. `` They released every goddamn bootleg cartoon.'' 
 
 `` I- what? You called me over for this?'' 
 
 `` Yes. Bubsy, Sonic, the 18th season of SpongeBob. They're all here.'' 
 
 Dave sat back and groaned audibly. 
 
 `` And I'm paying to watch them!'' 
 
 *end*
