[ WP ] You murder someone , later you are attending their funeral .

`` I ca n't believe he's dead...'' Ah crap, it's Sean's brother now. Do n't overdo it. 
 
 `` Neither can I.'' Truthfully, it's hard to believe, even though I was there for it. Even though I lay belly-down on his back while yanking the cheap paracord tighter against his neck until my arms hurt. I even checked his pulse to make sure. 
 
 `` Why would anyone do this to him?'' 
 
 `` I could n't tell you. Some people...'' I trail, off not quite sure say about those people. Well, I guess I should n't say those. After all, I'm now one of those people. 
 
 Sean's brother ( what's his name again ) seems satisfied with my answer. I briefly squeeze his shoulder to offer a show of support. His eyes focus in on mine for a second, as he tries to thank me. He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. Nodding instead, he turns and roams back through the clusters of mourners. 
 
 I join a small cluster that has been telling stories about Sean's life. Small, almost meaningless actions Sean did while alive now confirm the message we've been hearing all afternoon: Sean was a really great guy. Ordinary stories now glow. What was an unremarkable landscape is now caught in this perfect sunset. I knew this would happen, and actually dreaded coming today, but it's not as irritating as I expected. 
 
 I'm still stuck on the unanswered question. Why *did* I kill Sean? Granted, he's been a bit of an asshole since I've known him. But that grating feeling I got when around him should n't have been enough to drive me to this. There's no one action that stands out as being unforgivable. I ca n't even remember all the conversations where he was self-centered, or degraded women, or spouted some cocky know-it-all philosophy. And I'm pretty sure he would have slept with that beyond-drunk girl at his housewarming party if I had n't stayed behind to make sure it did n't happen. Hearing stories of him harshly putting down his students did n't help his case either. 
 
 I guess I did n't do it for the students or to defend anyone. I did it because I just wanted to kill someone. The urge had been in me since at least middle school, and came back every few months a bit stronger. I'm not a sociopath. I genuinely care about people, but... I do n't know. I guess this was just an experience I craved. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had to kill someone. And someone like Sean? If it would genuinely improve people's live's in the long run, is it really a bad thing to do? That's the logic I used, anyway. 
 
 `` What about you?'' Crap, what are they talking about? 
 
 `` Sorry, what were you asking? I was a bit lost in memory lane''
