[ WP ] An alien race controlling most of the galaxy contacts Earth , aiming to uplift the humans until they 're ready to join the interstellar community . The problem is all previous species evolved utilizing organic technology . Our `` hard and dead '' tech is utterly alien to them .

-- - Trying out a new writing style, let me know how it works. -- - 
 
 Whoowee, let me tell you a story son. I was out tendin' the fields the other day when out of the sky came one of those UFOs that I keep hearin''bout on that news. It went and landed in my corn field, and made a mighty ruckus as it came down. Now, I am a God fearin' man, and a good honest American, so I grabbed my shotty and went to say hello. 
 
 Their ship looked, well, alive. It were n't like anything I had ever seen before. As I was watchin' it a mouth opened in the side of the ship, and out rolled the biggest tongue I had ever seen. I pulled out my phone and started takin' a video of this, I got me a first contact on my hand, although I hoped they did n't want me to call the President or something cause I dont have his number. 
 
 A couple lanky necked aliens done came out of that ship, and let me tell you what, they were about twice as tall as a man, and about half as wide. They looked me dead in the eye and put some weird bug next to their head, and from the look of things wanted me to do the same. It had to be some sort of mind control bug or somethin', I read about that once in a magazine. 
 
 I raised them Besse, my 12-gauge. They were n't gunna get me that easy. It looked like they were n't going to take Besse seriously though, so I fired a warning shot at that alive-ship thing of theirs. Whew, that ship, it done started to BLEED. When Besse barked it had them aliens lookin' mighty scart. I do n't think they understood what was going on. These must not have been very smart aliens. 
 
 They backed off though, and one of them ran back into the ship. I kept the others pinned down once that first one ran off, and asked them what the hell they were doin' in my field. I think they tried to explain in that alien lingo of theirs, it was all clicky and was n't a real way to talk to people. Right about then I heard a voice that sounded a bit off, not human if you get my meanin'. 
 
 `` What is that thing you are holding?'' 
 
 `` You mean Besse? Shes your worst nightmare if you do n't start splainin' whatchu want.'' 
 
 I saw that alien that done run back into their ship walkin back with a different kind of bug. This one seemed able to understand what I was saying and started making some clicking alien lingo sounds back at the lanky necked alien. After a coupla seconds he started clickin back at that bug and sure enough out comes English. 
 
 `` We come in peace. Why did you hurt'', I am sure that whatever they said next was that alive-ship thing of theirs, but I dont plan on learnin' alien lingo just to say it. `` It did nothing to harm you.'' 
 
 `` You ca n't hurt something that aint alive.'' These really were some dumb aliens, how could that ship be alive. Now, I love my truck, and will beat someone if they hurt it, but I know it's a machine. I think I was getting lucky though, as I heard a copter start flying in from over that hill with the old oak. 
 
 `` What is that sound?'' If you thought the aliens looked scart before, I'm not sure if they could shit their pants, but they looked bout ready to. 
 
 `` How could you gone all that way through space and not heard a helicopter? Im sure you advanced aliens coulda figured that out long time ago.'' 
 
 By now I could see them copters as they came down and landed just over there, just behind where I parked my truck. A coupla military guys got out, all decked out in camo, with some beautiful rifles at the ready. They formed up quick, and out behind them stepped some bigshot in a suit. He looked at me, at the alive-ship, at the mark that was bleeding, and back at me. I could almost hear him groan as he saw Besse. Then him and his posse walked over to where I was holdin down American soil from these lanky necks. 
 
 “ What is going on here? Sir, lower your weapon, we have this situation under control. ” That government guy looked official, so I lowered Besse and told him my mind. 
 
 “ Well, these aliens done come invading, they have some sort of mind control bug they tried to stick in me. ” 
 
 “ It was no mind control. It was a translation beetle. We were able to get this one to speak your language, but this one used some sort of magic to hurt. ” They said that alive-ships name again, “ and we were attempting to bring peace and prosperity to this planet. We are from what you call Keplar 22B. ” 
 
 I could tell that government guy was getting confused, same am I was at any rate. We were talkin to some alien invaders through a beetle. 
 
 “ You said that he hurt the ship? Why, is the ship alive? It does look that way. ” 
 
 At this point the aliens started ramblin' about how their ship was alive, and they came to America to help us get machines that were alive or somethin' like that. I could n't quite understand what they were tryin' to say, but I think I got the picture of it. That alive-ship looked alive and bled, cause it was alive, you see? 
 
 “ And what kind of creature did you breed to make such a bang, and to hurt, ” the alive-ships name. I think they thought Besse was alive. I know I named my gun, but when you are out huntin' sometimes it seems like that gun is alive and your only friend. Besse once saved my life when a cougar done tried to take it, so I wont deny I was a little attached. 
 
 `` That is a gun. It is not alive, neither is the helicopter I flew in on or that truck over there. They are made of metals, and crafted to perform what we desire them to do. ” I think the guy in the suit had somethin' figured out. He seemed to know what to say to them, and they did n't look quite so scart anymore. 
 
 They talked back and forth for a minute longer, but it was n't bout much from what I could tell. You should know they met later, the news covered it a coupla days later. I done watched it from home, cause them government guys said I was lucky to be alive, or somethin' like that. Them lanky neck aliens did leave me one thing though, that horse over there, ya see it? The one with 6 legs. I'm thinkin''bout enterin' it in a horse race later this week. Sure fire winner that.
