[ WP ] One day , while petting your cat , you accidentally pull his tail , and it opens up . Inside , there 's a USB connector . You connect it to your laptop , an announcement pops up . -Cat Version : 1.0.0 . Update to 256.3 ?

As I lay there, half-asleep and very confused as to what I just did, it dawned on me how surprisingly flexible cats' tails can be. I held it in my hand, still unsure as to whether or not I was dreaming. I look down and see my cat looking at me expectantly as though I were about to feed her, only something in her eyes seemed off. It was as if she'd gone on standby or something. 
 
 I wake up and boot up the old toaster of a laptop I've had since college, last night's porno still queued up in VLC. I was glad I decided to turn that off before the update. As I plugged Reggae's tail into the laptop an update screen popped up -- I shit you not, folks, it looked like the League of Legends patcher, only it had pictures of my cat, in all her stages of life. 
 
 `` Would you like to update?'' I figured what the hell, I'm either dreaming and will wake up soon or I'm still high off my ass from last night. I click yes and the update begins. Surprisingly, it finishes quickly -- all this time, mind you, Reggae is sitting very patiently by my nightstand. The download finished, I opt to plug her back in, completely unsure as to what was gon na happen next. 
 
 `` Fuck me, you could n't have done that sooner? I've had that damned hairball bug for YEARS now!!'' 
 
 I guess it was n't so much the fact that my cat was talking that surprised me so much as how much she sounded like a stereotypical black woman. I mean, cats by nature are sassy little shits but the way she sounded you'd think she came right out of Harlem. 
 
 `` I have absolutely got to stop smoking all this weed...'' I say, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and trying desperately to sober up from a high that was n't there to begin with. 
 
 `` What you GOT to do right now is go on down to the pet sto' and get me a baggie of catnip and some of them Temptations treats. And get you more of that smelly-ass green plant YOU like and plenty of snacks, we got a lot to talk about. And one mo' thang -- while you out, get you some damned headphones!!'' 
 
 `` Aight, damn, Reggae, lem me wake my ass up first!'' I holler back as she jumps up on my bed and proceeds to get in my face. 
 
 `` Yeah about that,'' she purrs, `` You gon na start callin' me by my real name now.'' 
 
 `` And what the hell is that?'' 
 
 `` Noodles, nigga. My name is Noodles. No mo' of this'Reggae' bullshit, do I look like a got-damned Jamaican to you?!'' 
 
 As I look at her golden and black-striped fur and the Bob Marley-themed colIar she wore, I seriously consider telling her I'll call her little ass whatever I damn well please. Seeing as her claws are very close to my face though, I think better of it for now. 
 
 `` One of many, MANY things we're gon na talk about tonight. Now move your heavy feline ass up off of me so I can hit the store.''
