[ CW ] Write a story in which the dialogue consists entirely of notable quotes from movies and television .

This is my shitty story. 
 
 `` I am totally aware that this family does n't value self-presentation in the same obsessive way that I do. Fine. Whatever. But one of my life goals aside from being, like, a fashion guru is to indicate to the local community that the Baker family actually owns a bar of soap,'' complains my older sister Ari as she attempted to get me to fight with her during school hours. 
 
 `` She does n't even go here, HIDE YOUR WIFE HIDE YOUR KIDS, WE GOT A SCHOOL INTRUDER'' I responded and attempted to notify, Louise, the bike riding boundary warden that keeps unwanted people off of school grounds. 
 
 `` You smell like a baby prostitute,'' she taunted. 
 
 `` I DO N'T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE, trouble usually finds me,'' I crept away hoping to find a shrubbery I could hide in. After finding a suitable candidate, I jumped right in. 
 
 `` Give me the shrubbery!'' she yells. 
 
 `` NEE!!!!'' I reply. 
 
 `` GIVE ME THE SHRUBBERY! I'm gon na rip off your cojones and boil'em in motor oil.'' 
 
 I decided it was prime time that I got a move on, so I crawled on my hands and knees until I was almost in the A building. Sadly, my sister knew exactly where I was going and followed me outside of the shrubbery. I figured it was time to barter and took out her favorite chap-stick, stood up, and opened the cap. I really did n't want to go shower. 
 
 `` Do n't drop that dundadun, HEY!'' she yells. 
 
 I dropped it. 
 
 She charged at me. `` FOR NARNIA!'' It was n't my fault I had a slightly sharp broad sword in my hand when she ran into me. `` Tis just a flesh wound.'' 
 
 I cradled her head in my arms. `` Do n't worry everyone's replaceable.'' 
 
 `` I feel cold.'' she moaned. 
 
 `` Winter is coming.'' I answered. 
 
 She noticed I was starting to cry out of happiness of her death, so agonizingly she said, `` Do n't you fret! Monseuir Marius! I do n't feel any pain, a little fall of rain will hardly hurt me now. Your here that is all I need to know. You will keep me safe and you will keep me close. And rain will make the flowers grow.'' 
 
 She was delirious, and I felt that I should comfort her. I thought and thought. It is very hard to comfort someone to hate, but finally I came up with something. `` You know, like it or not, we're still your family, for better or worse...''. 
 
 That seemed to please her, and she smiled. I think she was happy for that one moment. She looked like she was remembering something and said, `` I think my buddy rob is a closeted homosexual.'' This perplexed me. Never have I ever been a homosexual except during that one spell during November. She started talking again, `` I think my buddy rob has an undescended testicle.'' 
 
 This annoyed me. I am very proud about my testicles. So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots... into her head. 
 
 

