[ CC ] Prompt was `` Without conflict there is no progress or change . ''

I'm just gon na write my thoughts as I read throught 
 
 > In fact it was dealing with babies 
 
 comma 
 
 > It was like a factory, but without all the mechanical errors. 
 
 I think you can just suggest that the process is well oiled. I do n't think a factory, by definition, has a lot of mechanical errors as this sentence suggests. 
 
 > Mike stepped out of the circle and left to inspect the city. He walked to the train stop. A single file of subjects walked out as he walked in in his own line. 
 
 He was in a research centre then he steps out of the circle to inspect a city? I'm a little lost here in terms of place. 
 
 > Project Utopia 
 
 This is a bit trite. I would suggest trying to get as far away from these sorts of tropes as possible. 
 
 I like the idea, manufacturing a functional communist society through drug use altering psychology right? I think you've got an idea here, but no story. Nothing develops and the characters do n't change. I think it's fine to have a short story where the bloke is just walking around examining stuff but if you're gon na play it like that I feel like it'd be valuable to include much more descriptive language. I liked the first paragraph, with the cigarette. Keep it like that. 
 
 So I suppose my main advice would be: 
 
 1 ) Either go for a narrative or amp up the description. 
 
 2 ) Avoid cliche/tropish language like Project Utopia / Hello Fellow Humans. 
 
 This sort of idea has been tackled a lot and you're gon na want something unique to help it stand out. 
 
 I hope that's marginally useful somehow! I focused on the criticisms given it's a critical thread so do n't be disheartened, these are just my gut responses.: ) 
 
 

