[ WP ] You are 100 % convinced that you are the sole surviving member of the human race , despite the fact that today is your first appointment with a shrink for the very same reason .

He wasn ’ t even sure how to go about remembering it, the day he realized that there was a limit to your emotions, that you could reach a place where reality demanded so much of you that your emotions couldn ’ t deliver, that you could hit a wall. You can ’ t remember the day when you realize how remarkably little difference there is between sane and insane, how you can wake up one day and deal with something that ’ s impossible, how insanity creeps slowly not quickly. No, there was no way to remember that, no way to relive something so life changing, almost life ending. 
 “ It ’ s good to remember, it ’ s important to remember ” said the imaginary person. 
 
 And of course there would be imaginary people, by now he could run rings around insanity, he had in fact destroyed the very concept of insane and in doing so, destroyed sanity as well. 
 
 “ Well yes, it is important to remember ” so this is where his mind would take him today, to the doctor, the mental doctor but he didn ’ t want to do that, not now. 
 
 “ Phillip woke up one morning when everything was gone ” 
 
 “ So you ’ re talking in the third person now? ” 
 
 “ And the second person is so much better, you said ” 
 
 “ Oh my, he ’ s awfully clever isn ’ t he, just slide right into second ” 
 
 “ Baseball ” but his mind was faster than his mouth and he couldn ’ t keep up and in the silence, while his mind raced at a mile a minute ( which is only 60 miles an hour and certainly nothing to write home about in this modern… or maybe postmodern era ) the very detailed imaginary friend spoke again 
 
 “ Phillip, I can only help you if you want to help yourself ” said that damn psychologist again 
 
 “ Oh but I do! ” He leaned forward eagerly “ I would like nothing better than help! Maybe you can get the power back on, or… or maybe you can be my friend! Oh yes! ” he was full of sarcasm, lashing out at the world, and all of the sudden he was furious, he was beyond himself again, his emotions would hit the wall and then he ’ d be numb, but for a moment he could see clearly, he could look around and see the god damned empty shit that he called the world, he could see the houses he had lived in, the time he had spent punching himself in the face over and over hoping that someone would bother to notice how fucked up that was and come stop him or help him, but no one came, no one ever came because he was the last worthless piece of shit on earth, there was no one to help him and no one for him to help, his mind had become the most powerful thing in the world, and it filled its role well. 
 
 But this time, he didn ’ t hit the wall in his mind, maybe he wasn ’ t angry enough, maybe his emotions had finally run out of fucks to give, but now he couldn ’ t help but remember. He remembered waking up that morning, the morning everything changed. He remembered feeling entirely too normal as he looked outside and heard nothing. He remembered being confused, not at the bodies which lay in strange poses but at how little he was bothered by it, in a strange, empty sort of way, it was the most interesting question he ’ d ever asked. It took him a month before he started asking any other questions, he had n't been numb, that was the wrong word, he was still him, still thinking and figuring things out but there was no emotion behind it. Oh he ’ d read a book or watch a movie and feel things, just like he always had, but there was nothing else. He went on a road trip because it was something he had always wanted to do but never had time, he thought about going to Hawaii but realized that he didn ’ t have a way of getting there, but finally something in him broke. Well no it didn ’ t break, that ’ s how it felt but when he thought about it, it was more like something subsided and he could start to feel again, and that ’ s when things got bad, that ’ s when he felt loneliness, that ’ s when he felt confusion, sorrow, but never fear, he was never afraid. 
 
 Not long after that he started losing days, and then he started imagining people in vivid detail, going about their lives, but even in his imagination he was still an outsider, some days he was locked up in a room, others he was out in a garden with people watching him. Sometimes he pretended that instead of slowly fading into insanity, that it was the other way around, and he had woke up one morning totally insane and was slowly seeing reality, but he knew it wasn ’ t true, it didn ’ t matter anyway. 
 
 “ Phillip, what are you afraid of? ” and just like that the imaginary psychologist was back in front of him 
 
 “ I ’ m not afraid of anything, but good point, I probably should be ” He pretended to muse for a second as though the psychologist was even capable of coming up with an original thought, as though his brain could create a figure which Phillip could believe was original 
 
 “ I think that you ’ re afraid of something Phillip, I think there is something deep inside of you that you ’ re trying to hide ” 
 
 Of COURSE there was, he was insane, he knew that, but he wasn ’ t stupid, maybe he wasn ’ t even insane. Obviously there was a part of him that was so afraid he couldn ’ t even feel it, but it hardly mattered, none of this mattered 
 
 “ Where is the surprise ending, the twist? ” he asked 
 
 “ The twist? ” the phycologist asked 
 
 “ Where is my god damn ending, where is the suicide, or the big reveal, hell, I ’ d take a nice “ LOL, you ’ re a robot and I ’ m a fucking tree that got too smart ” and he was crying now, but this wasn ’ t unusual, and a part of him laughed. 
 
 “ There is no ending Phillip, this is real life ” 

