[ WP ] When you die , you do n't go to the afterlife of you 're religion , you go to the afterlife of the religion whose tenets you followed most closely , knowingly or not .

`` Look, I'm not complaining or anything. It's just... this really was n't what I expected.'' 
 
 The man smiled, and in spite of myself I felt a deep sense of relaxation wash over me. It scarcely mattered that he was easily 60 feet tall, at a rough estimate. Hell, compared to the room I was in, he almost seemed normal. A bed, a couch, a desk, a few posters on the wall - but, like the man, almost at a thousand-percent scale-up in proportion. The overall effect was that I felt like the one out of place here... wherever here was. A miniature creature in a giant's bedroom. 
 
 I felt awkward, and idly scratched behind my ears while I waited for the words to come to me. By degrees they did, and I turned my head upward again. 
 
 `` Do n't get me wrong, it's relaxing as all hell. So to speak. But it just sort of feels like I'm milling about here. Constantly. Eternally. It's a bit lackluster at times, you know?'' 
 
 The man crouched down, faintly smiling at me while reaching out his hand. The first few times I'd flinched, but as always he just ran his hand across my back comfortingly. `` You're very talkative today'', his voice softly boomed. 
 
 It was always like that. He acknowledged me without actually addressing my concerns. Again, I'd found it weird at the beginning but I'd gotten used to it. 
 
 `` Look'', came the soft booming again, `` I know you do n't like it when I leave. But I have to go to work. Bills to pay, people to deal with, stuff like that. You're lucky, you know? Do n't have to deal with all that.'' 
 
 To be fair, I did feel kind of lucky there. I'd never liked dealing with people, and if they were all the size of my gargantuan benefactor, then all the better. 
 
 Still, I could n't help but complain. `` What am I supposed to do while you're away, huh? It gets really boring in here sometimes.'' I knew he could n't - evidently, would n't - understand me anyways, so I flopped to the floor in protest. The physical cues sometimes worked in my favor. 
 
 `` I'll be back in a few hours, do n't worry. You'll get some head scritchies and cuddles after I get back.'' It was uncanny how a voice that grand could make such a gentle proposition, and I realized that I'd come to live for those simple pleasures late in the day - strange though they seemed out of context. 
 
 `` Alright, I have to go. Be good while I'm out, buddy.'' He walked out of the room and closed the titanic door softly behind him. 
 
 I sat on the floor a while longer, processing as I usually did how bizarre the situation I'd found myself in really was. After a while, I realized I was intensely bored and more than a little ready for a nap. I bounded up onto the massive bed - it always seemed staggeringly high up, yet I found I usually made the jump with uncanny ease. I found a corner of the impossibly comfortable bedspread and curled up on it, my thoughts turning ( as they inevitably did ) to the shades of memories of my life before this comfortably rote existance. Then and now, I always concluded, I had n't really perceived a more ideal lifestyle. Boring though it was, it was ultimately everything I'd wanted out of life - free food, lots of toys, the odd recreational drug sprinkled around on the carpet. 
 
 `` Still,'' I found myself thinking again before sleep embraced me, `` I do n't think I'll ever get used to relieving myself in that sandbox.''
