[ WP ] Write a murder from the perspective of a cheerful inanimate object

Golly! It sure looks hot out there today. Look at him sweat. Beads on his forehead. He and the lawnmower must be working really hard. That lawnmower…always outside…in the sun. I hate that guy so much. ‘ Oh, look at me. I ’ m outside rolling around in the grass with the sun warming my shiny red paint. ’ Put me in the same room as that guy and I would crush him. Oh my…I have got to get ahold of myself. It ’ s not his fault. That ’ s his job and you have your job. If only I could have just a few minutes in the sun. It ’ s so cold here. Always cold. Oh, no! He ’ s reaching into the cabinet. Keep calm. Maybe he ’ s going to get a glass of milk. A nice refreshing glass of milk. Keeps bones strong inside that soft, fleshy body. Ha! Who ’ s he kidding with that old Big Gulp cup. There ’ s no way I ’ m filling that thing up with my babies. Maybe if I just churn and make some crunching sounds he ’ ll give up. Ok, fine. Here ’ s one. That ’ s all your getting. Come on man! I gave you one. Don ’ t be greedy. Let ’ s work a deal. You take me outside for an hour and I ’ ll give you all that you want. Just set me in the driveway. I ’ ll be fine. Jesus! That hurt. Take it easy with that button. STOP! Don ’ t you dare open that door. No! Do not pull out that bin. AH! STOP! You ’ re breaking them. Ow, you can ’ t just slam it back in like that. Slam the door closed while you ’ re at it, asshole. What a dumbass, you could have just grabbed a handful of them, but NOOOOO you ’ ve got ta use the dispenser. Fine…now we ’ re gon na use the dispenser. That ’ s right, push the button. Nothing ’ s gon na come out. I can do this all day. Yeah, try tapping. That ’ ll make me change my mind. Why don ’ t you run to your precious lawnmower and beg him to cool you down. Oooooh, the long push. Good idea. Here ’ s one more just so I can fuck with you a little longer. You should see your face. It ’ s matches that douchebag lawnmower. Wow, you kiss your children with that mouth. Hey, don ’ t hit me. Fine. HAVE THEM ALL! HA HA!!! Look at you. On your hands and knees before me. You don ’ t deserve them. That ’ s right, grab the towel and clean it up. I saved one more for you. You can have it right as you walk by. Slide on the floor my little one. Right under his foot. Ahhh…look at it spread. It ’ s so warm and shiny red. Just like your precious lawnmower.
