[ WP ] You discover that Earth is the `` North Korea '' of the galaxy

I only really downloaded the TOR browser for a goof. I heard you could buy pot on a site called silk road. I had n't really smoked since college- but a lot of states had been legalising recently, so I was thinking about trying it out again. I did n't think I'd buy anything- but once I got on the site I knew I had to try some. You have to understand, I was a heavy user back in the day- but the weed on there... it did n't even look like the same plant. Big thick buds; actually green instead of that tawny brown shit. I mean, christ some of it was purple! 
 
 So, I thought'hell, I'm nearing my golden years. I've got a nest egg, I'm not long off retirement- my kids have kids. I'm not in a place to hang around campuses looking to buy- this seems safe'. I ordereda quad of something called'Purple Haze'. What can I say? If it was good enough for Jimi. 
 
 A couple of days later I got a knock at my door. On the step was a... well. I hesitate to say man. When I opened the door, other than an overpowering stench of ganja I was struck by the figure's height. It was so tall, I craned my neck to get a look at it's face- but I was only met with a huge cloud of smoke billowing out from underneath a wizards hat. It wore a shabby grey suit that was several sizes too big around the mid section while barely covering it's forearms and shins. 
 
 -Mr bigblackdragondildo? 
 
 It's voice was like nothing I'd ever heard. I've hear people call the Irish accent melodic- but it almost sung each syllable. I was so taken a back by how beautiful it's voice was- it took me a moment to register that it had addressed me by my screen name. 
 
 -Uh... yes... I suppose that's me. 
 
 -I have traveled a long way on the silk road. May I come in? 
 
 -Of course. 
 
 It stood on it's tip toes as if it was a ballerina and without any other leg movement floated into my home. It had to duck to not slam his head on the door frame, and once inside it bent at the knees and slouched to fit. The creature turned to face me, and emitted a high giggling sound at my slack-jawed expression. It was so loud, I became very concious of my neighbours and very concious of the smell. I had n't even told my wife I had ordered drugs. A panic set in and then an anger at this... this thing's casualness. Before I could speak up it said- 
 
 -Shall we go somewhere more private? 
 
 -Yes. I have a garage. 
 
 I led the way. 
 
 -Do n't worry about the neighbours. When they look my way, all they'll see is a slight shimmer in the air- and all they'll smell is a hint of rosemary and thyme. 
 
 College kids are getting weirder every year. 
 
 -You mentioned in the email that you had n't smoked since around half of your species lifespan a go. I decided that, in the interest of creating a comfortable experience, I would talk you through the specifics of this strain. Sick Hendrix poster Mr bigblackdragondildo. 
 
 I had almost forgotten I'd hung that there. It's still up there abovera set of old weights that have n't been used since January ( and wo n't get used again until next January ) and a record player. 
 
 -Oh is he still big? 
 
 -Hendrix plays the guitar in a way that transcended what my people thought homosapiens were capable of Mr bigblack/ 
 
 -Please, just call me John. 
 
 -Ah. I thought you wanted to keep the codenames. Your lot can never be sure who is listening. 
 
 -I'm sure we're safe here. 
 
 -Yes. Ofcourse John. It is strange how interested you people are in one another's private affairs. Most other developed planet moved past this kind of petty noseyness eons ago. Seeing as you are a fan of the meastro himself, would you care to listen to his new single? I find this strain is particularly good at enhancing music. 
 
 -I'm sorry- new single? 
 
 -Yes.'The Sand Dunes of New Neptune'? It's an instant classic. 
 
 -Hendrix is dead. 
 
 The creature let out that high giggling sound again. 
 
 -Is that still an issue on this planet? 
 
 -What? 
 
 -Death. 
 
 -Yes. How could it not be? It's the second bloody law of thermodyanmics! 
 
 -Your people really do just believe whatever your told are n't you! I bet you still have resource wars around here. 
 
 He went into a fit of giggles here. At this point I was starting to get annoyed with him. Now- I'm no square. I protested veitnam. But the way he talked about me, and'my people' was rude. It was as if he did n't respect me at all. I assume he's just learnt about the military industrial complex for the first time and is trying to lord it over me for being an American. I did n't vote for Bush, and yes Iraq might have been a resource war... but sometimes these things are nessesary. And anyway- I ca n't do anything to stop it- so why should he act like I'm some sort of stupid ape? 
 
 -I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm still getting used to the culture here. It's very different to my home planet. 
 
 -Mr... uh/ 
 
 -My people do not have names. We have moved past the need of them. We are connected at all times to all things. Each member of my species is like a single drop of water in a spider's web reflecting all others. We contain the soul of our group yet we are still one. Once we realised we were all one conciouness experiencing itself subjectivly, names seemed pointless. 
 
 -Uh... 
 
 -If it helps you can call me Dr Greenthumb. 
 
 I did n't know what this guy's game was- but I did know that I wanted some of whatever he was smoking. 
 
 -So, I asked for a quarter of the....eh, the Purple Haze? 
 
 -And a fantastic choice that is too. A very creative smoke, excellent for listening to music, or perhaps drawing. Very fruitful for the beautiful work- though I'd reccomend not using when the doing the nessesary work. 
 
 Whatever man... 
 
 -Okay. 
 
 -I've pre-rolled you a few joints in the bag. Do n't worry- I did n't take it out of your weight; think of it as a gift for a hopefully long freindship. I would advise you to take one draw, leave it about five minutes- see how you feel and then take another. 
 
 -The stuff is that good eh? 
 
 -It's out of this world. 
 
 He gave me the grass, and left me the the new Jimi record he was talking about. He left saying something about having another appointment across town. He said I could keep the Jimi record. 
 
 After dinner I told my wife I had scored some pot. She was receptive to the idea of trying it again, but she wanted to clean the house tonight. She said I was welcome to smoke in the garage- only I had to light an incense stick. I went through and sparked a doob, and stuck on the single. And here's the crazy thing, I got so stoned I was almost convinced that it was actually Jimi for a while. 
 
 I'm telling you, college kids get weirder every year. 
 

