[ WP ] `` Just take me to a place without a name ''

The cab pulled up to the most God-forsaken building I had ever laid eyes on. It was impossibly small for a place of business; looked to be about the size of a food truck. The outside walls were black with grime and age, with not a window to be seen. But, credit to my driver, there was no sign or identification either. A place without a name. 
 
 `` So, is this like a bar, or...'' 
 
 `` Yeah, somethin' like that. Listen, mac, you goin' in or not? Cause I really do n't want to be out here any longer than I needs to.'' 
 
 I gave - Joe, the medallion said - a couple of those gold dollar coins and stepped out of the cab. Joe barely let the door close before taking out like a bat out of hell. Freaking maniac, damn near took my foot off. 
 
 I stepped up to the door, but for some reason hesitated. I looked around, and suddenly realized how isolated this place was. Off down the road there was some sort of industrial park, but that looked to be at least a half-mile away. Back the other way, there was some old gas station that had n't been open since $ 1.25/gallon. I began to feel very small and lonely. 
 
 I could n't figure out why this fight with Linda was such a big deal to me. Sure, it got a little nasty, but come on... I'm supposed to buy that she's never slept around on me? I knew for a fact that she was meeting Bobby on the reg for drinks... Nothing going on there, Linda? Innocent as the driven snow, are n't you Linda? There it is again... why was I being such a drama queen? Fuck Linda. If she wants to throw her little fit and be the martyr, fine. 
 
 I shook my head to clear the last of my doubts, decided that cheap booze held all the answers, and opened the door. 
 
 *You can check out any time you like/But you can never leave* 
 
 Oh boy, The Eagles; so it's gon na be that kind of a night. Hopefully they at least had some Chicago or Yes on the box as well. 
 
 The room screamed `` 70's Key Party''. Floor to ceiling carpet that I assume at one time had been a deep red, but had now settled into a nice nicotine brown. A few leather upholstered booths lining the perimeter, a few vinyl-topped, burn-scarred tables with paper coasters under the legs, and a giant, solid mahogony bar that looked like it could survive a nuclear blast. This place redefined the word `` dive'', but damn, that bar. Someone knew what they had in that bar, and was taking care of it, at the expense of everything else in the place. But staring at that shiney, dark oasis in a sea of dank, I could n't fault them. 
 
 `` Welcome! Why do n't you come have a seat, at the bar?'' 
 
 There was n't a damned sould in the place, save for the bartender. Almost without thinking, I walked towards the bar, still admiring it's beauty. The wood grain almost seemed to be moving as I stared, as if it was a living thing. 
 
 `` She's a beaut, is n't she? Everyone who comes in here, that's the first thing they notice.'' 
 
 `` I can see why. They do n't make'em like this any more, do they?'' 
 
 `` You're damn right there, friend. These days, it's all about veneers and stuff. Shave off a layer of real wood a milimeter thick, and glue it onto a bunch of particle board... it's crap. An insult to real wood. This old gal is pure Brazillian mahogany, straight from the Amazon. Carved by hand, onsite, by real craftsmen. Original to the room, obviously. So, what can I get you, Mister...'' 
 
 `` Eddy, my names Eddy. I'd like the cheapest....actually you know what, screw that. Give me a Jack and coke, uh...'' 
 
 `` Most people that come in end up calling me Red, I guess because of the decor.'' Red swiftly and expertly mixed my drink. `` So what brings you in, Edward? We do n't get all that many in here these days.'' 
 
 Edward. Linda insists on call me that too. I downed my drink and set it back in front of Red. `` Women troubles. And please, it's Eddy. No offense, Red, I'm not trying to be rude, but that bitch I've got at home calls me Edward.'' 
 
 `` That's no problem, Eddy, you ca n't offend me. I've seen and heard it all. But as your bartender, I'd like to give you some advice. Every trouble a man has is like a disease, only on the soul, and not the body. Some troubles are easy to fix, like a broken finger or a headache. Others are more complex and take more time and effort to cure. You get what I'm saying?'' 
 
 `` You're saying that women troubles are the cancer of the soul?'' 
 
 `` That is exactly what I'm saying, Eddy. You and I are going to get along famously, I can tell. I knew it as soon as I saw you look at the bar here.'' 
 
 `` So what do you recommend, doc?'' 
 
 `` Beer, with tomato juice. Now, I know, it's a frat girls drink. But listen, we have to ease into this, build a foundation. Plus, I like to spice it up a bit, give it a little kick.'' 
 
 I hated tomato juice, but I liked Red, and I damn sure liked sitting and drinking at this bar, so I figured I could choke a couple down to humor him. `` Set'er up.'' 
 
 There was no denying that Red was a legitimately skilled bartender. He spent a full two minutes building this drink, throwing in dashes of enough spices to make The Colonel jealous. And I had to admit, it was the best damn Red Beer I'd ever had, though my sample size was this and a Natty Light/V8 I had bought to chat up some girl in college. I spent the next several hours drinking Red's Red Beers, bitching about Linda, and talking a lot about how great the mahogany bar was. We decided the bar's name was Maria, in honor of her South American heritage. 
 
 As the night wore on, I found myself softening on the Linda Stance a bit. I began to think I should maybe call at least, and try to feel her out... maybe even apologize? As I was sitting and thinking these things, I noticed Red was getting quiet as well. Was I overstaying my welcome? As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I knew that I was. 
 
 Oddly enough, Red seemed to know it too. `` It's too bad, Eddy. When you walked in here, and I saw how you looked at Maria, I thought to myself'This kid's ready. This kid is going to come in here, and drink my Red Beer, and he's going to come out the other side a tornado of rage and chaos'. Sometimes though, kid, the soul just is n't up to snuff.'' 
 
 As I tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about, I looked into Red's eyes, and saw a depth I had n't noticed before. Deep, deep blue... black, really. It made me cold, and lonely, like I had felt standing outside before coming in. The room was disolving around me, it was like I was being pulled down into the blackness. There was a muffled sound of laughter, mixed with screams. I thought I could almost see... swirls, like... wood grain? I desperately wanted to be anywhere but here. 
 
 Snap, back to reality, as the poet once said. `` Do n't worry, kid, it does n't work like you're thinking. You have to be willing... you have to be ready, before you're of any use to me. Could be you'll never be meant for me... could be you just need a few more fights with that bitch girlfriend of yours. I do n't know, and neither does He, in case you're wondering. Do n't belive the book, kid. He's just a squirrel trying to find a nut like the rest of us.'' 
 
 `` You....you're....'' 
 
 `` Again, it's not like you're thinking, Eddy. Try not to let all the stories freak you out; they're mostly bullshit, on both sides.'' 
 
 `` I....I want to....I want to see Linda.'' 
 
 `` I know you do, son. Joe's out there waiting for you, here's a couple coins to give him for the fare. l want you to know, Eddy, no hard feelings, OK? You're a good kid, I hope you figure out what you want.'' 
 
 I was in full tears now. Every part of me, inside and out, felt like it had never known warmth. I was crawling for the door; every fibre of that suddenly terrifying carpet felt like it was violating me. With the last ounce of courage and strength I could muster, I opened the door, as the light of the early morning sun burst in like a lion. The light burned my skin slightly; the fresh air made me cough. Joe was sitting in his cab, trying his best not to look inside. 
 
 `` Oh, and one more thing Eddy?'' 
 
 I turned, and saw the physical manifestation of madness. Red wore a thousand different faces at once, not all of them human. The bar was moving around and sometimes through him, shifting shapes, slithering, then prowling, then skittering. Behind him, beyond sight but not sound, some unknown army let loose am audible torrent of pain and fear. I closed my eyes before I intinctively clawed them out. 
 
 `` Maybe do n't fuck around on that girlfriend of yours, huh?'' 
 
 I mean, what can you do? Linda and I were married at the courthouse the next day.
