[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Dear R, 
 
 I have started and stopped this letter numerous times over the past couple of years, because the thought of writing to you makes me feel ridiculous. 
 
 I wonder if you would even remember me? You were gone before I arrived in your little world, and strange as it seems, I miss you without ever having spoken to you. 
 
 In college, I fell in love with one of your friends. I'm not a romantic person, so it makes me slightly squeamish to even write out the words'fell in love'. We talk about falling in love like it's one big accident, but it was n't for me. I deliberately began to love him because I loved his warm little world - your world. Your friends, and your life, and the way you guys were nonchalantly such a charming, diverse and happy group of humans. 
 
 I know you must know this, but you were very very loved. This question comes up sometimes, about whether there was anything anyone could have done for you, if they had loved you more, would you have made a different choice? 
 
 I run the half marathon for suicide awareness each year for you. I do n't tell any of them, because I would feel slightly awkward explaining why I have this urgent attachment to you. It's because you've impacted my life, in your abrupt death. 
 
 It's because I wish I had known you sooner, so I could have learned to love you through your presence and not your absence. It's a feeling I never want to have with anyone else. 
 
 You are still so loved and missed. 
 
 -A 

