[ WP ] In the future , science has found a way to cure death , allowing people to become immortal . The only way to get the cure is to have your reproductive organs removed , and never bear children .

“ So, doc, what you're saying is: I can live forever? ” 
 
 
 “ Yes, Chad, that's right. But- ” 
 
 
 “ Well got on with it then! ” 
 
 
 “ But, Chad, I have n't even told you how- ” 
 
 
 “ Doc, with all due respect, I do n't give half a fuck. ” 
 
 
 “ Listen to me, Chad. You really should listen for just a- ” 
 
 
 “ Doc. Doc. Docdocdoc... shut the fuck up. I want to become a god! ” 
 
 
 “ Chad? ” 
 
 
 “ What? ” 
 
 
 “ Can I please say something now? ” 
 
 
 “ Ugh, fine. I'll smite you later though. ” 
 
 
 “ If you insist. Chad, if you get this procedure, you can never have children. ” 
 
 
 “ Really? ” 
 
 
 “ Yes, really. ” 
 
 
 “... this may be the greatest day of my life. ” 
 
 
 “ Are you sure, Chad? Really consider this. You do n't think you may want children someday? ” 
 
 
 “ Doc, lem me tell you something. I have like thirteen kids. Somewhere. They all live with their moms and I do n't get to visit or nothing. But being a dad is demanding as shit. And now I can pull the ol''yeah, baby, I swear I'm wearing a condom' trick and it wo n't even matter nine months later. ” 
 
 
 “ Chad? ” 
 
 
 “ Yes, Doc? ” 
 
 
 “ You're a douche, you know that, right? ” 
 
 
 “ You wo n't be saying that as I smite the fuck out of you. Now make me immortal! ” 
 
 
 ( sigh ) “ Chad, I need to explain more. For this to work, we have to remove your reproductive organs. ” 
 
 
 “ So, like... my ovaries and shit? Go nuts, Doc. ” 
 
 
 “... no, Chad. THOSE are what have to be removed. ” 
 
 
 “ Yeah, I know, that's what I said. Do I sign something? ” 
 
 
 “ Right here, Chad. ” 
 
 
 “ Fuck yeah, Doc. Let's get the sleeping gas! ” 
 
 
 ( several hours pass ) 
 
 
 “ Hey, Doc? ” 
 
 
 “ Ah, Chad. Good to see you're awake. How are you feeling? ” 
 
 
 “ Little sore, little sore. I've felt better. Did it all work? ” 
 
 
 “ Yes, Chad. You're immortal now. Have fun. ” 
 
 
 “ Oh, I will, Doc, I will. Having no ovaries feels fucking great. Lem me just go take a piss first. ” 
 
 
 ( door closes ) 
 
 
 ( unzip ) 
 
 
 “... WHAT THE FUCK?! ”
