[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

To my autistic son, 
 
 I love you. I hope you know that. I wish... but I know that you probably do n't even grasp the concept of love. The best I get, and I am thankful that I get even this much, is a by rote `` I love you'' before bed that was prompted from you so often as a young child that the habit has been ingrained. 
 
 I am doing my best to make sure that you will be provided for after I am gone. I hope that I am doing enough. I wish... I wish I could be sure. Though I do n't think my death will have any more impact on you than not getting to follow any of your habits. Perhaps a selfish tear that your routine has been disrupted, a few dozen circles walked in your room, and then acceptance. At least that is how I interpret that behavior. I wish I could be sure. 
 
 I wish... I wish. I wish I knew what you were thinking. Ever. 18 years you have been in my life and I have never known whether you were content, felt deprived, felt ignored, or were smothered. I have seen you smile at pain, and cry when you ate the candy bar you picked up in the store. I wish I knew. I wish you could tell me. 
 
 I wish that you could understand all that I have said in this letter and over the years. I wish... 
 
 I wish...
