[ WP ] You declare to the heavens that you will never fall in love . Aphrodite herself took it as a challenge .

Falling in love sucks. At least, that's what I could tell from having a working set of eyes. Man, even back in grade school, it was bad. I remember Chuck coming up to me holding hands with a girl, happily introducing me to his girlfriend. Of course, this was when holding hands with the opposite gender was a really big deal. Two days later, he was hanging out at my house bawling his eyes out. A couple days after that, I saw her walking home with the fastest kid in the class. 
 
 This disturbing trend continued throughout each stage of my educational career. In middle school, my friend Bob's relationship lasted two full weeks before he abruptly stopped being fun to be around. In high school, my friend Rob picked a particularly unfortunate girl to get with. I almost ran into her twice while leaving the boy's locker room. And let's not get into the nasty shit those college girls got into. 
 
 In hindsight, I have no idea how I kept becoming friends with the biggest schmucks in school. Maybe it was a message from up above. 
 
 So I decided I would n't bother. One night, while staring at the ceiling, I muttered that I wo n't ever fall in love. I'd get my life in order, get a stable job, and handle any urges through time tested methods and/or the internet. No need to deal with that stress of actually getting obsessed over someone. 
 
 Of course, that's when my life decided to go full sprint into the opposite direction. The next day, a girl moved right into the apartment room next to me. The elevator had broken the day before, so I quite literally ran into her while turning the corner at the stairs. She was barely managing to carry a few boxes filled with more things than anybody should ever need, and they all spilled out onto the stairs. 
 
 Great. 
 
 For some reason, she did n't hire a mover even though she had all that stuff. I felt pretty bad, so I helped her repack her stuff and move them into her room. And when you spend time with a stranger for two hours ( seriously, nobody needs half of those things ), you get to know them. She was attractive, friendly, witty, and blonde. It did n't feel awkward or forced at all when we talked. I was entertained the whole time. She ticked off all the things on my very hypothetical list. So of course, I was suspicious. 
 
 I excused myself as soon as we were done moving her in, explaining that I did n't have dinner yet. She insisted on treating me to something for all my help, but I made up something stupid and nope'd on out of there. I was n't about to renege on my oath 16 hours after I've made it. That's just weak. 
 
 I walked towards the nearby Denny's. Not exactly up to my standards, but I'm pressed for time after that unexpectedly long detour, and it was nice, simple, and close. I had just barely sat down when a pretty cute waitress walked up to me and handed me a menu, explaining that she was my waitress yada yada. 
 
 That uniform could n't have been legal. It was a damn miracle she had n't been fired yet. Maybe she was giving them a cut of her no doubt substantial tips? 
 
 She kept coming back to check up on me after I got my food, enough that I was flattered. 
 
 Then it started getting weird. 
 
 Ha. No, I'm not going to elaborate. Let's just say that she probably wo n't be keeping her job. I double-timed it back to my apartment, intending to sprint to my bedroom, crawl under the sheets, and do my best to pretend that today never happened. 
 
 As soon as I entered the building, a drop dead gorgeous girl greeted me in the lobby, explaining that she was stepping in for the landlord for a while because they suddenly fell ill. 
 
 It was at this point that I peered towards the ceiling and squinted hard at it, trying to discern the bastard up top who was no doubt having a giggle. 
 
 Shit like this happened for the next week straight. Scenarios that I thought only happened in anime and comedy sketches were happening to me nonstop. When I holed up and refused in my room, my computer quit working and my TV broke down, so I was forced to contact the outside world for assistance. The hottest female Geek Squad employee came in to help me, and quite cheerfully gave me her name and phone number. I think I've met more girls in the last week than I have my entire life. 
 
 By the end of the week, my mental state was frayed beyond belief. The constant barrage of attractive women had somehow did more to stress me than college finals week. I barely managed to catch myself biting my fingernails, damn it. 
 
 I decided to take a trip to the bar. Not the smartest place to go under the circumstances, but hey, nowhere was safe anyways, right? I needed a drink to get through the next week. Well, several drinks. 
 
 Miraculously, a spot at the counter was open. The bar was usually packed full. I handed my card to the bartender and told him to keep it coming all night. He nodded and walked away, no doubt finding the most expensive low alcohol drink he could find. 
 
 The lady right next to me was staring at me rather intently. I guess it's her tonight. 
 
 `` All those girls practically throwing themselves at you, and you manage to keep it in your pants.'' She said, rather suddenly. I turned to look at her incredulously. How on Earth could she have known all that? Am I on the news? Holy crap, am I famous? 
 
 `` I know because I'm Aphrodite.'' 
 
 I paused. 
 
 `` Interesting name.'' I reply, very carefully. 
 
 `` Right? Unique too. Damn annoying how a few of you managed to guess my name right a couple millenia back and now I've had to deal with a bunch of mortals besmirching my name.'' 
 
 Pause again. 
 
 `` Soo... you're...'' 
 
 `` The real thing, yes. *The* goddess.'' 
 
 The drink arrived. I grabbed it and downed it without looking, and the bartender refilled it immediately. I looked around the bar, but apparently nobody was listening or cared. I took another shot. 
 
 `` Well, that explains a few things.'' I said. I did n't really feel shock, for some reason. My emotions must still be catching up. 
 
 Wait. Damn. That means gods are real. I should probably kick Atheism. And stop saying damn. 
 
 `` So, you come down here often?'' I asked in a tone that was most definitely not appropriate for a goddess. 
 
 `` Well, I heard that there was a funny little human looking right up at the skies and declaring that he would n't fall in love with anyone.'' 
 
 `` Technically, I was looking at the ceiling.'' was my first response. Then, my logical brain actually caught up. `` Do you really do this for everybody who says that? I ca n't be the only one.'' 
 
 `` Oh, you'd be surprised. But no, you are n't the only one. There are probably about fifty million other people in the world going through the same thing.'' 
 
 I raised my eyebrows and downed another shot. 
 
 `` Fifty million?'' 
 
 `` Yes. I'm a goddess, I can do whatever I want to however many people I want.'' 
 
 `` No, I mean, only fifty million?'' 
 
 `` Do you know how few people say what you said and actually mean it to the deepest part of their soul?'' 
 
 ``... I'm guessing fifty million.'' 
 
 `` Roughly, yes.'' 
 
 `` So, what, you're just throwing women at us until our belts pop off?'' 
 
 `` Men, too. Sometimes.'' 
 
 I looked around the bar again. Did nobody give a crap about what we're saying here? I mean... this is fairly heavy. This proves that some religions are actually correct. 
 
 `` Ah. Do n't do that. And while you're at it, do n't throw women at me, either. 
 
 `` Strange tastes, but I suppose I could oblige. There are n't many in the area, unfortunately.'' 
 
 `` I'm telling you to just stop throwing people at me.'' 
 
 She did n't reply for a bit, and when she did, she had a rather serious look on her face. 
 
 `` I have my pride, too. I'm only around to make people fall in love and procreate. When one of you little people say something like that, it's a direct insult to my pride and function, so I'm going to do my utmost to change it. Zeus knows I do n't have much else to do, you're all so self sufficient normally.'' 
 
 While she's saying all this, I've downed another shot. I'm finally starting to feel a little buzzed. 
 
 `` You did n't answer the question.'' 
 
 `` I will stop, only when you go back on your little promise.'' 
 
 `` What, that's it?'' 
 
 She raised an eyebrow and took a sip from her glass for the first time, and smacked her lips appreciatively. 
 
 `` Sure. I have a lot of other people to entertain me.'' 
 
 `` Alright, fine. I do so solemnly swear to do my utmost to fall in love.'' The words came out rather easily. I think I might have meant it to. A week of seeing tons of attractive women really opens up your eyes. 
 
 She tipped her glass at me, then downed it. She tapped a pure, matte black card against the counter, and the bartender came to take it. 
 
 We sat in silence for a bit before the bartender came back and handed her card back. She stood up and turned towards the door. I turned on my stool to face her again. 
 
 `` Hold up. Before you go.'' I said. My words were a bit slurred. 
 
 `` Yes?'' 
 
 `` Why did you come here and talk to me?'' 
 
 She gave me some kind of mystical look. `` Because your mind broke the fastest. All you needed here was a little push.'' 
 
 Well, that's rather insulting. She left before I could say another word. I turned back to the counter and quickly downed another shot. 
 
 Before my head got too fuzzy, i remember thinking about another question I should have asked. Did she intentionally screw up all my friend's relationships just to have this week of fun?
