[ WP ] A homeowner confuses two Mormons for federal agents looking for a fugitive named 'Jesus ' .

Tom awoke uncomfortable in his chair. He had fallen asleep in his living room for the third time that week. Groggily he pulled himself up, but groaned and quickly hunched back down to avoid the morning sun. Three weeks since he moved out of that basement studio apartment and he still was n't used to the sun. Another groan as Tom's neighbor revved up their lawn mower. Tom still had n't introduced himself. He had n't warmed up to the suburban idea of friendly neighbors yet, but he knew he would have to eventually. 
 
 `` It wo n't be so bad,'' he thought to himself. `` Maybe I'll actually need a cup of sugar one of these days.'' 
 
 Tom worked nights, another idea he had n't fully warmed up to. It certainly paid well, and he still made it into the city on weekends to maintain a social life, but the backwards schedule was still an adjustment. And he needed better blinds if he was going to sleep during the day. 
 
 `` Just a year or two,'' he told his friends, `` to pay off my student loans and get some good experience.'' They called him boring, but he did n't mind. He did n't have parents who could help him pay for school, and he knew what he had to do. `` Maybe I *am* boring,'' he thought, `` at least I wo n't be in debt.'' 
 
 Tom was halfway to his bedroom when his doorbell rang. He hesitated, thinking he might just ignore it so he could get some more sleep. `` I guess it's as good a time as ever to meet the neighbors,'' he grumbled to himself. 
 
 He opened the door to an overly bright day, and before his eyes could adjust, he was greeted by one of the two large shapes standing in his doorway. 
 
 `` Hello**-rrrrr** **vrrrrr-**eet**-rrrvvrrrrvrrr-**present the**-vrrrrrrrrrrrrvrrr... **'' 
 
 Tom could n't really hear anything over his neighbor's mowing, but at least the shapes had settled into two well dressed men with name tags, carrying backpacks and aggressive smiles. 
 
 **'' I'm sorry, what? `` ** Shouted Tom. He knew the polite thing would be to invite them in, but he really was tired, and decided men with name tags and backpacks were not likely to leave quickly. 
 
 **'' vrrrrrrrrr-**om the chu**-rrrrrrvrrrrrrr vrrrr-**onder**-rvrvrrr rr-**epted Jesus into yo**-rrrrvrrrrrrrr? `` ** 
 
 Tom could tell by their expressions that this was a question, and pretended he understood. 
 
 **'' OK, what can I do to help? `` ** Tom yelled over the mower. 
 
 **'' Rrrrrvrrrvvvrr-**looking for Jesu**-rrrrrrvrvrrr vrr**-urch of Jesus Ch**-rrrvvv-**o help us tr**-vvrrvrrr...'' ** 
 
 At this point the man who had n't been speaking handed Tom a pamphlet. It had a picture of a sunset with a halo, and Tom was more confused than ever. 
 
 **'' Alright, so you're looking for Jesus... because he's on the run? Am I in trouble here? `` ** 
 
 **'' No, no, no,'' ** shouted the first man, still smiling aggressively, **'' we're just here t-rrrrvrrrrrrr-ould like to a-rrvvvrvrrrvv vrrrvvrvvr rrvvv...'' ** 
 
 At this point Tom had given up, and just wanted to get some sleep. 
 
 **'' Thanks, I'll keep a look out. Neighborhood watch and all...'' ** he shouted as he closed the door. He felt a little bad, but they were n't exactly neighbors anyway. 
 
 Tom dumped the pamphlet into the trash, and headed back through the living room to his bedroom. The house was much more cozy and comfortable without the direct sunlight, and the mower was just a soothing hum through the windows and walls. `` Still five hours until work,'' he thought, and climbed into bed.
