[ TT ] You meet a talking cat . No one else can understand it , and it keeps warning you about your demise .

Shit. Where are my keys? 
 
 I crouch down for a look under the couch, and see Sulu's eyes reflecting back at me. `` Kitty...'' I sigh in exasperation and reach until Sulu backs away, then yowls what sounds like a sharp, stern NO, and leaps past me and down the hall, the telltale jingle of my keys at every hop. 
 
 I scurry out from underneath and hustle after him as he nimbly doubles back and darts between my legs and into the kitchen. As I wheel about and cross the threshold I hear a scrape and a metallic clink. He did n't... He could n't... SHIT. 
 
 Sulu stares at me, his tail lashing irritably. 
 
 `` Bad cat! No!'' I scramble to the sink and shoo him away. Sure enough, the sink strainer has been knocked aside, and the keys are nowhere to be seen. 
 
 I'd better call my boss and an Uber. 
 
 A loud clatter in the next room makes my jaw drop open. He did n't... Sulu stares at me from the top of my bookshelf, his ears turned back like a little black gremlin as I examine my shattered phone, which had moments ago been plugged in on the counter. 
 
 Deep breaths. He's just a cat. I go to my room, watching so he does n't slip in when I'm not looking, and close the door behind me. I catch a glimpse of him leaping down and racing toward me as I fasten the door. 
 
 What. The. Hell. 
 
 I turn on my computer and wait for it to boot. Sulu is warbling at me and pawing the door. I have no idea what the hell has gotten into him. 
 
 A slight rumble shakes the room. I glance out the window and my attention snaps to the giant plumes of smoke rising from the street I drive down every day to work, tufts of flame leaping into the air, and cars smashed and strewn akimbo up and down the quiet little street I live on, drivers dazedly emerging from the less serious wrecks and fumbling for their phones. 
 
 I stare a moment, and reach for my shattered phone. Oh, right. I open the door and step out, Sulu is rolling over to show me his belly. `` Meowwww.'' 
 
 I grab the remote and click on the TV just as the morning news cuts away to the `` developing situation.'' 
 
 Preliminary report is that a gas line running parallel to the boulevard has exploded, and the fire crews are attempting to shut off the line, which is still spewing fuel all over the burning road. 
 
 Shit. I hold my head in my hands. I might have been out there. 
 
 Sulu warbles again, and rubs his ebony face across my arms while purring. 
 
 `` I could have died boy.'' I absently scratch his ears, forgetting that I was mad at him at all. 
 
 `` Eee meow.'' 
 
 I continue scratching and shake my head. `` Could have sworn you were speaking Sulu kitty.'' 
 
 `` Thhhhatss becaussse I ammm.'' 
 
 I nearly knock my head against the ceiling. 
 
 Sulu rears up on his hind legs and bats me with his front paws. `` You can hear me? You can finally hear me?!?'' 
 
 My mouth is hanging open. I close it and wonder if I'm dreaming or hallucinating. 
 
 `` OK. This is going to be much easier now. Chekov, I need you to throw away the turkey in the fridge.'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` You ca n't eat it Chekov. It'll kill you. Full of germs. Also, did you know you're allergic to bees? You need one of these.'' 
 
 From God knows where, he pulls out a moderately spit soaked ad for an epi pen, clearly chewed from some magazine that I do n't have. 
 
 `` Chekov?'' I ask. 
 
 `` Yes. You ca n't be DeSalle because you talk too funny.'' 
 
 `` Not Kirk?'' 
 
 `` No he's a terrible actor. You just talk funny, with your monkey chatters. Sounds so silly. You could be Bones too - `` his speech shifts in imitation of me, ``'Dammit cat, I'm a person not a treat machine!''' He bats my shoelace. `` Play with me. Get a string.'' 
 
 `` OK buddy. I just... Need a beer or something...'' 
 
 He jumps up and nearly trips me as he winds through my legs. `` No, you do n't want to go to the corner store. You really do n't. You can go in like, uh... `` his pupils narrow as though he's looking into a bright light, `` Two hours. Yes, that will be safe. I do n't think they'll be selling anything though...'' 
 
 

