[ WP ] You are standing alone outside two giant wooden oak doors , giving yourself a pep talk before you walk through them .

I can do this without you. 
 
 I don ’ t need you. 
 
 I ’ ll be okay. 
 
 I don ’ t quite remember how I got here, or how long I ’ ve been standing outside these giant wooden oak doors. I search my brain for why I ’ m here, to get a sense of where I am or my purpose in this current location. 
 
 Oh, that ’ s right. 
 
 A simple black tie event. I can ’ t recall what the occasion was – all I remember is that I ’ m meant to be here. I straighten my tie and my suit, before pushing past the giant doors. 
 
 The doors give way to a brightly-lit ballroom full of well-dressed people. Immediately, I feel uncomfortable – I know that I don ’ t belong here. Not now, anyways. I ’ m not ready. 
 
 A waiter walks past with some champagne and I immediately reach out to grab some. I ’ m not ready to do this – I ’ m going to need something stronger. 
 
 I wander around the ballroom for a little bit, surveying the crowd, seeing if I can find any familiar faces. So far, no such luck. I manage to dodge a few people trying to rope me into conversations. I ’ m not being antisocial, I swear – I just find it hard to be jovial around people nowadays. 
 
 Eventually, a table opens up and I ’ m just quick enough to grab a seat in the corner. I ’ m used to this – sipping on my drink, watching other people go about their business. I ’ m the fly on the wall, but usually, I have someone else beside me. 
 
 Enough, I remind myself. What happened to living your life and taking the most of opportunities? You said you wouldn ’ t mope and that you ’ d give this a shot. 
 
 But wait, did I? 
 
 “ Hey. ” 
 
 The voice snapped me out of my daydream. I saw who it was, and I simply couldn ’ t believe it. 
 
 It was her. 
 
 “ I didn ’ t expect to see you here. ” 
 
 Say something, anything. Say hi back, or that you miss her. Don ’ t just gawk. 
 
 “ Are you going to ask me to sit with you? ” 
 
 “ Oh, right. Yeah, sure. ” 
 
 I stand up to pull her chair for her, but she doesn ’ t really give me the chance to do so. She loved it when I would open doors for her – who said chivalry is dead, right? 
 
 We talk for a bit, or more like I gave awkward answers while trying to figure out what the right thing to do was. She looked as stunning as ever – long, black flowing hair, and a smile that would melt the coldest of hearts. I find myself looking at even the smallest features on her face, as if for the first time, even though it was a face I was very familiar with. 
 
 “ I missed you. ” 
 
 Wait, was that me? Or was it her? I don ’ t remember saying anything that wasn ’ t platonic. Suddenly, we ’ re not at the table anymore. Instead, we ’ re outside on the balcony, watching the stars. 
 
 Her hand takes hold of mine as she looks deeply into my eyes. She tells me how much life has changed and that she missed me. There is a pause in the air as I try to form a response. 
 
 Of course I miss her. Since the breakup, my life has been an endless parade of attempts to overcome the emptiness inside of me. New jobs, new hobbies, new friends – they all accomplished the same thing: a short, fleeting moment of happiness before the overwhelming sense of emptiness came flooding back in. 
 It would always be the same cycle: I would convince myself that things can be better despite losing her, before failing spectacularly at the smallest reminder of her. 
 
 Crap, how long have I been silent for? She had let go of my hand and looked away. She could never deal with the emotional stuff. 
 
 I tell her how I feel. I open up about how I ’ ve been coping. I tell her I miss her. 
 
 I hold her face gently in my hands as I tell her that I still love her – that losing her was the biggest regret of my life. The floodgates open as I pour out everything to her. I can ’ t stop. 
 
 She offers me a small smile, relieved that I shared her sentiments. 
 
 I bring my face closer to hers and kiss her for the first time in months. God, I forgot how this felt. 
 
 “ We should probably take this slow. ” 
 
 I nod in agreement – there are things that we still need to work on. We can ’ t exactly just jump back to when things were great. 
 
 I take her hand in mine, just as we always did. 
 
 “ I ’ m really happy you ’ re back. ” 
 
 A smile creeps onto my face, and I try to explain just how ecstatic I am. 
 
 But for some reason, the words don ’ t come out. My mouth opens, but no words form. 
 
 I catch one last glimpse of her smiling face before it all hits me. 
 
 There is no grand ballroom, no suit and tie, no balcony, no her. There is just a dark bedroom, devoid of anything that reminds me of her. 
 
 I take two pills from the bedside table and reach over to the bottle beside me to take a long, deep swig. The vodka burns my throat, but at least it numbs. God only knows how long I can keep this up. 
 
 I don ’ t need her. 
 
 I can do this alone. 
 
 I ’ ll be ok. 
 
 Right? 

