[ WP ] Write a murder from the perspective of a cheerful inanimate object

( Sung to the tune of Be Our Guest ) 
 
 Monsieur et Madam, it is with deepest pride 
 and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. 
 And now we invite you to relax, let us pull up a 
 chair as the dining room proudly presents - 
 your wedding feast! 
 
 Slay 
 
 our 
 
 Guests, slay our guests, 
 
 put this wedding to a rest. 
 
 Load the crossbow, let the bolt go sink into their chests 
 
 She's just hurt 
 
 Hear her scream 
 
 While Lord Father grins with glee 
 
 Kill the Greatjon a Maege Mormont and Wyllas Manderly 
 
 You expect betrothal but you got betrayal 
 
 Slay our guests 
 
 Slay our guests 
 
 Slay our guests! 
 
 
 Life is so unnerving under a King who's undeserving. 
 
 Ah foolish young boy with a crown. 
 
 Once he promised to wed one of the daughters, 
 
 Suddenly that word of his is gone 
 
 10 months they've been seething 
 
 But also plenty scheming 
 
 Needing revenge, a chance to get some kills. 
 
 The freys invited them to the castle 
 
 Fat and sappy drunk and lazy they walked in and OOPSIEDAISY! 
 
 It's a guest, it's a pest 
 
 Kill the wolves as they dine inside our nest 
 
 Guest rite huh? 
 
 What is that 
 
 Aint nobody got time for that 
 
 Just shoot them all as they try to run then run them down aaaaand reeee-loooad 
 
 Stick them full 
 
 Till they drop ( and then bleed out ) 
 
 The dress is soaking red 
 
 The child inside is dead 
 
 We slayed our guests, slayed our guests 
 
 Put our faith in the West 
 
 We SLAYED OUR GUESTS.
