[ WP ] `` You had ONE job ! '' both Satan and God scream at you .

I left the room with the same expressn' I had enterin' it. I knew I blew it. Yeah I knew my shirt was stained, I knew my pants done didn fit quite right. Sure I looked a mess. Always do. I earned this beer belly, this drivers tan, hell a dead buddy o mine gave me this hat. But I was still more than they bargained for. And I still had the old Feldman family charm.. 
 
 `` Play it cool'', I thought to maself.. `` Do n't let em think you done blew it''. Hell ha, I know I did. I walked out of that room with em both just staring at me, mouths open, dead cold silent. Shocked. Trouble is, I just ca n't be tamed. Hell, I do n't reckon I wantoo. 
 
 Now I've learned a few good things in my 30 years a drivin a double clutch down this fair country's interstate. And I reckon those two city critters do n't know a thing about haulin'. Lord knows I do. He done told me earlier this mornin. 
 
 Deal was set. Straight through. Locked and loaded. Had my Skynyrd and Seger CD's all ready. They came to me earlier that week. Trouble is, did n't sit quite right. See these two bird brained, cabbage patchers wanted to me ta haul some stardust up to interspace 76.. wanted the best damn truck driver this nations ever seen. Guilty. Guilty as charged. Said they were makin' a new planet. New drivin' country. One without all our mucked up, bent forked ways. Guess the devil done came aroun'. Finally wanteda do some good. Bless his heart. 
 
 Did n't really give me chance really, never asked me if I thought it was a fair deal. Ha.. guess they never dealt with ol Harry Feldman before. Ha... that man drives a high bargain. Yes sir. Should've seen they're eyes widen. They even promised to let me keep a brand new intergalactic modular rocket engined Peterbuilt to sweeten the deal. Trouble is, no one can buy Harry Feldman. See, he's a free spirit. A tough rebel. And got a hell of a lot a mouth on him.. 
 
 See I love this planets ways. Could n't imagine a place without a truck heated glass a PBR and late night chat lines. Well, hell. I guess I just believe in America. I guess I was just raised on freedom is all.. 
 Left that place a week ago. Took that intergalactic truck anyway, rides like butter. Do n't know when I'll be back. Hell, might never. Maybe once the Papst is out. Goin' to spread freedom. One galaxy at a time. Goin' in truckin... leavin the Skynyrd blastin'. Maybe you'll see me around sometime. Might be down again soon in the local group. 
 
 Harry Feldman, 
 
 Signin' off. 
 

