[ WP ] Everyone thinks you 're a compulsive liar , you actually really do have ridiculous stuff happen to you on a regular basis- please , share your stories .

`` Guys, I'm serious! Why else would I have a cooked turkey on my foot?'' 
 
 `` You could have a serious fetish with turkey feet.'' 
 
 `` Which brings me to the question: why do you bring your fetishes to work EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY?!'' 
 
 `` These are n't my fetishes! I swear this happens to me all the time. I come in with some weird shit happening to me, and you guys just think that it's a fetish I'm trying to cover up!'' 
 
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 On my way back home, I had to stop for a psycho alpaca crossing. In the middle of LA. It's actually pretty normal for me. There was a beached whale crossing here yesterday. 
 
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 `` So... you're into leeches today?'' 
 
 `` Oh, fuck you.'' 
 
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 I wake up in my bedroom. It's normal. But then I step out into the living room. Everything's literally upside-down. I sigh in relief. 
 
 It could've been worse. It could've been decided my house was the best place for a bestiality porn shoot. Again. 
 
 I get my coffee, which is green and tastes like onions. 
 
 I mentally prepare myself for another day. But I'm a little relieved. I'm driving Joel to work. He'll actually see some proof. 
 
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 `` So, is today a no-fetish day?'' 
 
 `` WHY THE FUCK DID NOTHING HAPPEN?! SOMETHING ALWAYS HAPPENS!'' 
 
 `` Dude, it's alright. We're all bros here. We're okay with your fetishes. Even if they're fucking weird shit. Seriously, I thought when you grew breasts for a day was cool. And the time you brought in a tank of blobfish. And when you had penises for arms.'' 
 
 `` GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR!'' 
 
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 Guess what happened as soon as he left. Fucking guess. I'll give you a hint. It had to do with scorpions with bread stick stingers and an exploding fire hydrant with wings.
