[ WP ] Those spam emails you keep getting to join the Illuminati are actually real . And the organization is getting frustrated that you wo n't accept .

My phone buzzed for the fourth time that day, and I scrambled to check it, desperately hoping it was a call back from that job I'd applied for. My current job was n't cutting it, and money was running thin. This editing job was n't the dream, but if I got the position I'd be able to at least live comfortably. 
 
 No, it was n't. It was just an e-mail notification, another of those damned spams asking me to `` JOIN THE ILLUMANITI TODAY! WE NEED YOU.'' Jesus fuck, that had to be the thousandth I'd received in the past month alone, and it had been going on for a long time. No matter what I did to block them, the e-mails returned. Add them to the spam filter? They started coming from other e-mail addresses for the next day, and then the day after that they were back from the first. Block them with another app or adblock? They still showed up. I'd even deleted my e-mail app, but lo and behold, e-mail notifications started coming through other places. Facebook, YouTube, and I even started getting inbox messages on Reddit. 
 
 I did n't think much of it beyond some asshole pulling an over-the-top prank. There was a fiction writing website that I liked to participate on regularly, and I spent most of my time in the science-fiction section, writing collaborative dystopia stories with a friend. I was always the one to structure those dystopian societies and everything they did. We had a lot of fun, and readers gave us some pretty good reviews. I did n't foresee any negative consequences. 
 
 The e-mails started when we wrote about a world in which the Illuminati ruled everything. So obviously, I ignored them, figuring that it was my friend pranking me. But as the e-mails kept coming, I asked him, and it was clear he had no idea what I was talking about. So it wasn ’ t him, but it could have easily been someone else from that site. 
 
 This notification had come through Facebook, so I decided to go ahead and delete that from my phone. It was getting annoying as hell. I ’ d scarcely finished dragging the app over to the little trash can when the phone began vibrating and buzzing excitedly while the phone call notification bar appeared at the top. 
 
 Finally, what I ’ d been waiting for all along! My struggles could be forgotten at last with this job. Forgetting my annoyance, I rushed to press the answer button and held it up to my face, eagerly saying, “ Hello? ” 
 
 “ Hello, Tom. ” A gravelly voice responded from the other end, causing me to frown. This wasn ’ t the voice of the woman who had interviewed me. 
 
 “ Uh, hi? May I ask who I ’ m speaking with? ” I asked my question quickly, desperate to get the call over with as soon as possible. I didn ’ t want to miss that call. It wouldn ’ t look good on me. 
 
 “ Tom, you ’ ve been ignoring us for quite a long time. I don ’ t think you understand how serious our offer is. We have waited for long enough. The Illumaniti is your future. We are your only path forward in life. ” 
 
 I sighed in annoyance. “ Jesus Christ, dude, knock it the fuck off! I am sick of this stupid joke of yours. Don ’ t you know when something ’ s gone on long enough? Now if you ’ ll excuse me, I ’ m going to hang up. I ’ m waiting for a call back. ” 
 
 I was taking the phone away to end the call, but the sound of his laughter stopped me. It was slow and halting, and I honestly could not tell if it was fake or sincere. “ Tom, you won ’ t be getting a call from Melissa. Not anytime soon, and not ever. We have told her not to give you the job. And, don ’ t worry about hanging up. I will do it for you. We are waiting outside your apartment. ” 
 
 The call ended abruptly, and there was a harsh rapping at the door. A knot twisted and tied itself in my stomach, and I felt sweat trickling down my face. The last thing I wanted to do was answer it, but what could I do but open that door? 
 
 Slowly, I crossed my apartment. The knocking did not stop. It was slow and persistent. Knock... 1... 2... Knock... 1... 2... Knock. 
 
 Finally, I reached the door. I placed my hand on the knob, and hesitated. The knocking continued, and I suddenly panicked and swung it open, certain that the longer I waited, the greater the horror beyond would become. 
 
 I was greeted with the sight of a slim, balding man, hardly over five and a half feet tall. He wore a suit, far fancier than anything I ’ d ever even seen in my lifetime, with a neat black tie that pointed to his shining black shoes. In his hands, he carried a briefcase. A bright and cheery smile spread across his face. “ Hello, Tom. ” It was that same voice I ’ d heard on the phone. He extended his hand. 
 
 In the presence of this man who simply oozed luxury and confidence, I felt very awkward standing there in a stained white t-shirt and jeans with holes that weren ’ t meant for fashion. But it would be rude to not shake his hand, so I shrugged my shoulders and accepted. 
 
 Without waiting for me to invite him, he walked into my apartment, brushing me aside without even having to touch me. He sat at my tiny, pathetic excuse for a dining room table and I dumbly followed him, giving up on making sense of the situation. I sat across from him and then stared at him, trying to discern what his intentions might be. He met my gaze steadily, his cold gray eyes meeting mine without flinching. 
 
 “ So, uh, are you really with the Illuminati? If, uh, it actually exists and all that? ” I asked. 
 
 “ You know the answer to that, Tom. That is not why I am here. I am here for you. It is time for you to join us. Your vision is far grander than even you know, Tom. We want you, and you need us. ” His eyes did not move, and his happy smile never left his face, but his voice remained slow and deep. It was a voice that was immediately accepted as telling the truth. 
 
 “ Wait, my vision? Is this, uh, about my writing? Cuz that ’ s all fiction, you know. I ’ m just a writer, just a nobody. I just wan na live a normal life, writing, editing, whatever. Literature is my passion, dude. None of this secret-society or whatever you guys are. ” I shook my head, confused, not able to believe what I was hearing. 
 
 “ There is no future for you outside of us. We have made sure of it. Do not worry, Tom. You won ’ t have to stop writing. You will be able to write as much as you want. Is there nothing grander for a writer than to see his vision come to life? Not in a cheap movie that misses the point, but in the whole of society? You will live well, Tom. Above the rich, above the politicians. Above even me. ” His smile broadened at that, and he flashed his pure white teeth at me. 
 
 Then, he opened the briefcase. I looked inside and saw the money. My breath left me all at once. 
 
 “ You know what? You ’ ve got yourself a deal. ” 
 
 
 

