[ WP ] You are tasked with conducting the funeral of the human race .

We trembled, standing before the House of God. He'd been here a week, seven billion were already dead and the rest of us would be gone by morning. The two of us would probably be done for in the next few minutes. 
 
 There had been mention of the End Times in recent months - hushed whispers, crazy protests and preachers promising raptures and damnation with glee, but no-one expected it would happen on a wet Wednesday in October. God came down from heaven and the world began to end. 
 
 He arrived in a gleaming white mansion, descending from the sky as celestial trumpets awoke the world to his coming. The House of God landed and the earth shook. Earthquakes, floods, eruptions, hordes of malarial mosquitos and plague ridden rats. The luckiest were killed in the first few hours, the rest of us succumbed over the next few days. The two of us were almost certainly on our way out right now, but at least we'd do it in style. 
 
 I held in my hand a brown paper bag, my friend held a cheap plastic lighter and the two of us stood before the House of God with a final message from the denizens of Earth. 
 
 I placed the bag in front of the door, my friend sparked up the lighter and set the thing alight. 
 
 We rang the doorbell of the House of God. We took three steps back. This was it. 
 
 The door to the House of God opened and the Lord himself stepped out. Magnificently terrifying, all in white and ready to smite us, he looked down at the burning bag and chuckled. He raised a sandaled foot and... 
 
 Burning dog poo exploded everywhere. A final f-you from humanity to the creator. My friend and I held hands, smiled at the Lord and waited for our world to end. 

