[ WP ] A lonely , old lady keeps misdialing and ends up calling you to talk nearly everyday . You are Satan .

A big red phone that should never Ring, Cliche enough but this is Hell after all and all the phones down here are big and red. However being ruler of hell has its perks and elaborate phones are no exclusion, a crimson red handset sitting atop a carved ivory skull with polished coins for eyes. The way the shining copper sat in the sockets, over the years slowly creeping green tears down the skull as they corroded, Oh and the horrendous sounds it makes instead of a silly chime. Hauntingly beautiful. Like a Soprano being burned alive. Truly a masterpiece. The first time I heard that phone ring a plague swept through Egypt, more recently some silly ship striking a block of ice out in the Atlantic... Exquisite times... 
 
 `` Excuse me sir... But are you going to answer that?'' A minion finally asked as I Sat at me desk staring at the elaborate handset. It was 5 o'clock pm, Pacific standard time. With a heavy sigh I reached out and picked up the receiver `` Hello Ethel.'' I said wearily... `` Lucile! How did you know it was me?'' A shaky voice responded, the voice that has become my own personal torment... `` It's five o'clock is n't it? Time for the news at 5, is that anchor you hate still on?'' As she started to respond I began to drift off into thought. A direct line to hell... not Just hell, but to the king of hell himself and for the last two months the personal support line for a 78 year old cat lady living on borrowed time. I know, I looked her up. 
 
 ``... And mister mittens bit the mailman today. He had to get 15 stitches, that'll show him for bringing me Bills! ``, Ethel Weiss led a fairly unremarkable life. Barely ever swore let alone sinned, non smoker, received a heart transplant in the neighborhood of 20 years ago. Only has a few more months left until she passes quietly in her sleep and unless the highly unlikely event she goes on a murder spree happens she wo n't be darkening my door. `` It's been a few weeks since my daughter called... I worry about her ya' know...'' Her voice trailed off with a melancholy tone. `` Now now Ethel, I'm sure she's fine. No news is good news right?'' Lindsay Weiss, 42. Drug addict out on another bender, abandoned her mother two years ago after pilfering the last of the old woman's savings. Needless to say I'll be seeing Lindsay sooner or later. `` I suppose your right Lucile, anyway where was I? Oh yes, they had to put Mr.. Mittens down but I still have old Theo...'' 
 
 I've dealt with many many souls in my time down here, mostly the worst kind of humanity. Animals get down here every now and again and Mr.. Mittens was as close to pure evil as you could get, he managed to track down at least 10 visitors to that house and rip their arms and legs to ribbons. One person even died from infection... Still Ethel loved that cat, it's going to take a lot of strings to get him out of here. `` Deary? Are you still there'' `` ah yes sorry Ethel. I was just ahh... Looking at some files'' I responded hastily, I'm not exactly known for being polite but I suppose I could pay more attention to the old woman. `` What exactly is it you do again Lucile?'' `` I am king of hell, my job is to prosecute the souls of the damned until the end of days when the dead will rise. We've spoken at length on this, remember Ethel?'' I said to her flatly and In her always cheery voice she responded `` Oh yes of course, and you still have n't sorted out your disagreement with that Gilbert fellow?''. `` God? No, not yet.'' I hate when she brings up God. I know she wants to help, it's just the way she is, always sweet to a fault. `` Just do n't wait to long Lucile, you only get one chance at life so do n't waste it being Mad! But look at the time it's nearly six! My dinner will be here soon, they are delivering to me again since Mr.. Mittens is gone now. Goodnight Deary!'''' `` Goodnight Ethel, do n't forget to feed your cats...'' With that she hung up, leaving me alone with nothing but blood curtailing screens and terrified minions to keep me company. 
 
 Millennia has passed since hell was forged, at first it was quiet with not a soul to talk to until the damned started pouring in. Tortured screams are n't exactly conversation though and with the sheer amount of them pouring in I had to have help. But even then the help begin to fear me as much as the dammed, send a few into a lake of hellfire for disobedience and the office cooler talks stop... I suppose I'll miss Ethel's calls in the end, even for knowing who I was she never feared me. I guess why would she? Being the kind soul she is... That Mr.. Mittens though... Maybe he would be happier here, I could use a hand keeping Souls in line... Might even be able to take a trip up and visit Ethel every now and again...
