[ WP ] The universe conspires to make you late for work everyday . Your boss gives you one last chance . This time you 're ready ...

Most people feel like the universe sometimes conspires against them. It makes them late, it piles crap onto an already crappy day, it puts you in a line at the supermarket that does n't move until you switch lines and then the line you were just in moves really quickly and the line that you've switched to has some old woman trying to convince the cashier to use expired coupons... 
 
 Anyway. My point is, usually that feeling comes around once in a while. Every now and then. Most of the time the universe leaves you alone. 
 
 Unless your name happens to be Gloriana Teacup Sarah Martinez-Smith. Then the universe hates you, and is determined to ruin your life in the most mundane ways possible. Currently, the universe is conspiring to make anyone named Gloriana Teacup Sarah Martinez Smith....exactly thirty-two minutes late for work. 
 
 Fortunately, there is only one Gloriana Teacup Sarah Martinez-Smith in the world. 
 
 Unfortunately, that is me. 
 
 It's been two weeks that the universe has been doing this. I've been thirty-two minutes late for work every day for the last two weeks. A warning is given promptly after an employee fails to show up within thirty minutes of their scheduled shift. 
 
 If I'm thirty-two minutes late again, that's it. I'm fired. Kapoot. Kapow. Smoked. Shown the door. 
 
 Getting the picture? 
 
 Usually the universe only conspires against one facet of my life for a few weeks. It's enough to completely uproot my life and destroy every ounce of hope I've managed to scrap up again. But at least it's not a constant, never-ending thing. The universe leaves me alone sometimes. When it's going after my job it stops going after my love life. When it's going after my love life it stops giving me chin hair. 
 
 So you see, there's give and take. 
 
 Today is my last chance. So here I am, leaving my house two hours early for work, and what happens? Why, I notice in the parking garage that my tire is flat. Of course. 
 
 No problem. That's what uber is for. I call them up but... oh, what's that? No cell phone reception! Ding ding ding. You, reader, are a smart cookie. What else could go wrong? Should I give you multiple choice answers? 
 
 Choice a, the sky lit on fire and we were buried in a molten lake of hellfire. 
 
 Choice b, an airplane crashed into my house and I'm now trapped in some alternate reality wormhole where I ca n't get out unless I go back in time and allow myself to be killed. 
 
 Choice c, it just so happens that on this particular Tuesday morning someone in my building has come down with *the plague* and the entire building is being quarantined. 
 
 Choice d, nothing happens, Gloriana! You're on time for work! 
 
 Yup. You guessed it. It's the plague. The. Literal. Plague. 
 
 So I do what I have to do. I wave sadly to my uber driver who sits on the street just twenty feet away as the man from the CDC urges me back inside the building. I go up to my apartment. I take off my shoes and I get into bed and I open my computer. 
 
 So maybe the universe does n't want me to have that job anymore. Whatever. Maybe in the next hour and seventeen minutes a miracle will happen and I'll make it to work on time. Maybe I'll hit it big by responding to /r/writingprompts and become a famous author. 
 
 What? Ruins my job, makes my dream come true. Seems like a fair cop to me. 
 
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 For other ( better ) stories, check out /r/Celsius232
