[ WP ] You have been found `` not guilty '' of a crime you DID commit

As a 23 year old Catholic, I've spent most of my time thinking about death. Now that I'm in this room, death is facing me. Metaphorically, at least. I really have no idea what's going to happen once I leave here. Maybe I will get shipped off to Iraq or Germany, preferably Germany because I wo n't have to do anything there. I really have no idea what I'm doing here. Was it because I thought it was fun? Because I was bored? I definitely did n't do it to protect my country. I mean we are the greatest country in the world, so who would think of attacking us? Never mind that right now. I mean look at this room. Green galore, with a little bit of brown splashed for taste. The walls, the floor, the wood shelves, the tape, the gauze, the desk, even the stethoscope is green. Good thing I've always hated green. 
 “ Maybe you should tone down the green a little in here. It's really starting to get to me. ” 
 “ Maybe you should shut up so I can finish this test and get you out of here. Especially since I have ten more guys to test in the next two hours, ” Dr. Cain quipped. 
 I still do n't know why I'm doing this. At home, I can have a job, a girlfriend, and obtain my Master's degree. When I get to wherever I'm going, I'm just going to sit back and kill some people, I do n't even care who I kill. 
 If I have a shot at being courageous? Just going to pass it to the next guy in line. 
 “ Can I go now? ” 
 “ Hold on a moment, let me finish this last test. ” 
 The EKG beeps. 
 “ Okay, you can go. Welcome to the US army, son. See Captain Adams for your deployment destination and all the other formalities you need to know. ” 
 On the walk to Captain Adams, I realize that even the hallway is green. God, what a horrific color. 
 
 
 “ Do you promise to protect your country, even if it requires your life? ” 
 “ Yes. ” At least I'm supposed to say yes, who actually would die for their country? 
 “ Do you promise to protect the people of your army, division, brigade, regiment, and company? ” 
 “ Yes. ” But who wants to risk their life for other people. 
 “ Finally. Do you promise to uphold the standards and laws of the United States of America, while in other countries? ” 
 “ Yes. ” I do n't understand why I have to say that one. I'm going to be killing people no matter what the laws say. 
 “ Okay private, you will be sent to Israel to finish training for a month. Then you will be sent into one of our bases in the deserts of Afghanistan. ” 
 Great. Most of the post-Vietnam Medal of Honor recipients have been in Afghanistan. All that means is action that requires courage. The very last thing I want. 
 “ Good luck private. May God be with you in the protection of our nation. ” 
 Yeah, God wo n't be with me. 
 
 
 Well I barely survived Israel. How am I going to survive Afghanistan? Maybe I wo n't have to worry about surviving. 
 
 
 Desert. Sandy desert. Sandy, windy desert. That is all I've gotten out of Aghanistan for my first few months. Nothing tragic has happened. One bomb scare was all that happened. Also there is a lack of women. We have two women at a base of 96 people. Thank God I'm in my last month here, not that He's listening. Once I leave, I never want to hear of Afghanistan again. Not because I'm scared of the bullets, I just hate the camaraderie. The women are the big proponents of the friendship between everyone. I hate friendship. I JUST WANT TO KILL SOME PEOPLE IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND. I do n't care about protecting our country! 
 “ Hey what's for lunch? ” Michelle. I hate Michelle. She's always trying to talk with me. I do not want to talk with her. 
 “ I do n't know, probably the usual. ” Just go away, I do not want to talk right now. 
 “ Did you hear we might be going on a mission next week? ” 
 “ Really? That would be awesome, in my last week too. ” There may have been a little bit of sarcasm in that statement. I just do n't think the mission will happen because there were at least ten rumors of a mission and none happened. 
 “ Please report to the Situation Room, ” said the invisible voice of the intercom. The Situation Room has only been used once before, when we were briefed on expectations of the base. That was the second day. 
 
 
 The mission is actually happening. We will be infiltrating and clearing a compound of al-Qaeda members. Three floors. 5,000 square feet. At least 50 insurgents. All men. Seems fairly easy. Orders are to kill on sight, except the head of the compound. He is expected to be in the safe-like room at the top of the building. 
 
 
 Everything has gone according to plan so far. We're all walking the mile from our LZ to the compound. Luckily it's almost all down hill, so we are n't wasting energy just walking to get to the compound. Everyone in our team of 32 is equipped with an assault rifle, flash grenade, and a knife. The sun is descending as we prepare for the attack. Half a mile. Lights in the compund. Shadows walking across the desert. Shadows in the windows. Michelle coughs. More reasons to hate Michelle. Quarter of a mile. The shadows are gone. Silence. Popping and cracking all around. No one drops. About to breach. We're inside. I ca n't hear anything, my ears are ringing from the all the shooting. I make it to the third floor killing no one, what a shame. Warmth starts running across my shoulder. More than warmth. It's hot. And red. At the safe room. Michelle too. 
 “ It's just a scratch, you'll be fine. ” 
 We walk into the safe room. The head of the compound has no weapon or way to defend himself. Michelle pulls the rifle up to her face, and I pull out my knife. Michelle shoots the leader in the face as I slowly slip the knife into Michelle's stomach. Michelle drops to her knees. Blood. All over. Around her feet. On her hands. In her mouth. The other woman, Alex, walks in. Piercing screams are all I hear as I feel the pain. Followed by pleasure. 
 
 
 I'm in a cell back at the base. Apparently I will be tried by a military court today. I wo n't testify. I am guilty. I killed Michelle. Do I regret it? No. I came here to kill someone right? It did n't matter who it was. 
 “ Your verdict came back. ” 
 “ What is it? ” 
 “ Not guilty. ” Alex drops off the food. I pull out my knife. The door closes. 
 
 
 “ Welcome back son, you're a hero. ” 
 
 
 
 A few comments: I wrote this as a satire originally but it works for the thread. Also it's long but thanks for reading, people are telling me it's good.
