[ WP ] `` God '' is actually two people : one who is omnipotent but not omniscient , and the other who is omniscient but not omnipotent . They both hate each other .

`` Father, why have you forsaken me? ``, said Jesus as he boiled up the next lot of ayahuasca in the rice cooker he stole from his parents house. Uhh, said father, did n't quite forsake you but we'll get to that later. 
 
 So he finished his brew and decided to go sleep in the bush with the local bears to get some peace and quiet from the people trying to kill him daily. `` You seen that hit list? ``, said the yowie, nah man I just want to get some sleep. Can you set up a haunt so I do n't get murdered tonight? Sure thing, said the yowie, what about we use some them dead spirits down by the torture farm? I one of those hoomans still alive in the shed, I'll send him off. Mhmm, so long as you give me a cuddle when you get back, just take a shower first yeah? Love you. 
 
 And off they went.; ) 
 
 By the next morning the sharks were circling the horizon so Jesus decided to go for a swim. It was pleasant and he swam out to a rocky island where the birds could say his name. Mornin to ya, one little fishie said, same to you said the King. When he arrived the Pirates were pisses and the ghosts of settlement constantly after their treasure. Jesus has returned, said Matthew as he introduced himself. Strange name for a pirate said Jesus, but anyhow. First order of business you can have my shell mister ghost and second mister pirate you can have his soul, but I want see mum and you got ta give me all your gold for the planet. With a smirk she replied that he was kidding himself, fuck me and you can have it all. So they did.
