[ WP ] You are given the gift to becoming a God of your own world , But to gain this gift you must fight as an immortal in the depths of hell fighting against Satan for twenty years . You still feel pain and can be tortured , Yet you can not die . How do you proceed ?

There were four of us around the fire that night, drinking cups of hot broth to keep out the cold. You remember, I'm sure, that old joke about Hell freezing over? It's not so funny when it happens in the middle of a 20 year hump, and just about half of your men are wailing over yonder hill, literally frozen in place. Those that were left, the officers and I put on patrol duty to scare off the wild rockhounds, wrong-bats and groundsquid that would, from time to time, run in out of the white-out to gnaw on their legs or arms or whatever fleshy bits were still exposed. The manticores and griffins had fallen back ( thankfully ) into Dis. Beyond the wall, where the fires were still warm and all the Demons cackled safe in their holes, mocking us trapped out in the freeze. 
 
 The pain was exquisite. 
 
 `` It's amazing to me,'' River said as she pushed her hand deep into the coals just to feel something other than ice for a moment. `` Truly amazing. I never dreamed such a thing was possible.'' River was a pagan, brought up by a bunch of wiccan tree-hugging hippies who had sworn off fossil fuels and vaccinations. Probably why she had been taken up so young ( at only 15! ). But she was strong, smart, and had a sense of hearing I thought preternatural at first. 
 
 `` What, that we were right?'' Doug was a Mormon and rubbed it in our faces every chance he got. According to him, this was some kind of'bonus' for a life lived in the family way free from drugs and alcohol and for his success in battling the impure thoughts of homosexuality. Now he would get his planet and rule as a god-king just as the Priests had said. 
 
 `` Well... Yeah, I guess,'' River replied, rubbing her flaming hands over her freezing arms. It hurt, you could tell by the tension she kept in her jaw. But it also was clearly the best she'd felt in a fortnight. `` I always thought it was some kind of metaphor, never that it was an actual, *literal* war being fought.'' 
 
 `` Lord works in mysterious ways,'' Corey said, clutching his broth greedily. ``... And sometimes not so mysterious, I guess.'' Corey was a self-labeled'sinner'. His whole life had been about pretty much one thing: Heroine. So much about that thing that he once killed his own brother over money to feed his habit. He leapt on the offer so fast your head would spin. `` I'm just glad we all got this chance, you know? To not end up here... permanently.'' 
 
 I chuckled and shook my head. `` You guys are ridiculous.'' My name's Rick. I'm still an atheist. 
 
 River's head cocked to the side in that weird way I remember cute girls doing back in high school and college. `` What do you mean, Ricardo-San?'' I gave up a long time ago trying to correct that weird bastardization of Spanish and Japanese. `` I mean... it's not like, y'know, there's still *doubt* at this point. We've been down here over a... I do n't even know how long. Wailing, gnashing teeth, horned beasts that delight in torture, some of which ca n't be killed, *we* ca n't be killed, hostile wasteland. Stop me when I start saying something *crazy* here.'' 
 
 `` Oh no, I'm sure this is really happening.'' 
 
 `` And you still do n't repent?'' Doug asked. Every time he asks, it's a bit less incredulous and a little more pitying. 
 
 `` There's nothing to repent,'' I said, pulling a demon's furry pelt tighter around my body as I slurp its bullion from a tiny tin cup. 
 
 `` You've never done anything wrong in your whole life?'' Corey asked. `` What kind of self-centered, arrogant-'' 
 
 `` No, I've done plenty of wrong in my life,'' I said, scratching my beard. `` Sixty-five years worth of drinking, womanizing, short temper, petty squabbles and general human tom-foolery. But this is n't penitence, remember.'' My gaze falls on Doug, and I grin. `` It's a *reward*!'' 
 
 `` Hey, that's not fair!'' he yells back. `` I've been planning on this since I was five years old. All of my family is waiting for me in Heaven just as I knew they would be. You all? This is penance. This is your last chance not to fuck it up!'' 
 
 ``'Judge not, lest ye be judged','' I snicker grabbing a handful of coals and throwing them under my pelt. I can feel my ribs thawing and burning and the ache is wonderful. River had the right idea. `` But seriously, let's think about this for a moment, detached from all the folklore. What are we? Immortal, indestructible beings. My head was chopped off two years ago and after being sewn back on, everything has been *fine*. Corey, you do n't even carry a weapon any more because you like the throw around bolts of lightning instead. River, I have watched you rend the immortal soul from the husk of a Demon and *devour* it.'' 
 
 `` I do n't remember that...'' she replied, a little surprised at herself. 
 
 `` You were in a fantastic amount of pain, I'm not surprised,'' Doug said, patting her hair gently in a paternal sort of way. 
 
 `` But this is exactly my point!'' I continue. `` We're committing *miracles*. It's almost like this place was designed specifically to pull this kind of power out of us. The only thing that separates us from all the people frozen over there is... we're just better at it.'' 
 
 `` And you're not the least bit grateful?'' Doug said, getting a little angry now, even after all this time. 
 
 `` No. I'm exactly as grateful as is necessary and not an iota more. Because If I can be a god, then that means whatever god did this to me ai n't that fuckin' special.'' 
 
 `` But God is *the* God!'' Corey said, striking his fist against the ground. `` You and I, we have to fight to earn ourselves a planet of our own. *He* owns us and the whole universe!'' 
 
 I frowned and sipped my broth, shaking my head. `` I do n't buy it. Make no mistake, I'm glad for the opportunity. I'm happy to be providing this service to help rid the cosmos of whatever sadistic civilization rules down here. But if the situation was as simple as'One True God vs the Devil', it would n't be necessary. It would n't even be *wise* to go around creating billions of lesser gods to fight a war you could end with the flick of your wrist.'' 
 
 `` So what do you think is happening here, exactly?'' Doug asked, folding his arms. `` If this is n't actually Hell, and we're not actually serving God, then what is this?'' 
 
 I sighed, picking up my sword and using it as a prop to come to my feet. There was light poking through the fog over a hilltop to the east. Did n't matter what was making it, something horrible was bound to be headed our way. I pointed at it with the tip of my blade as fire began, unconsciously, to coil and burn in the air around me. `` I think *that* is the *enemy*. I think *I* am a *soldier* who is being paid very well for a term service. I think the terms are fair and the cause is just. And I think that's enough.'' 
 
 I'm sure the others would have liked to continue the conversation; I know I would have. But just then, we had work to do.
