[ WP ] You have been a dedicate Christian your entire life , and now that you 're dead , you expect to go to heaven . But once you arrive at the afterlife , you quickly realize that Christianity was not the `` one true religion '' .

`` So you're sure I ca n't have the saag paneer.'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' 
 
 `` Okay, I'll take that.'' 
 
 `` I mean, no, ma'am,'' the server said with saint-like patience, `` You may not have the saag paneer.'' 
 
 `` What about the fried daal? ” 
 
 “ Ma ’ am, you may not have the fried daal. You may not have the saag paneer. As I told you yesterday, you may not have the kugel, and you may not have the kreplach. As I told you the day before, you may not have the stinky tofu, and you may not have the mooncakes, but even if you could, it is clearly not the time of year for such things and we do not sell them year round. ” 
 
 `` What can I have?'' 
 
 The server's expression softened as he said, `` The meat and potatoes is quite popular with our Irish Catholic patrons, and I've heard excellent things about the corned beef.'' 
 
 `` What kind of meat is it? The potato-meat, I mean.'' 
 
 `` The kind of meat that goes with potatoes?'' 
 
 `` Is it kosher?'' 
 
 `` No, definitely not. No need to worry there.'' 
 
 `` Christians are n't prohibited from eating kosher meat! Hey look, your table salt is kosher, and that's accessible by all patrons!'' I assumed a scandalized look as I started a hail Mary for ladle in the saag paneer. “ And all meat goes with potatoes! That is the wonder of potatoes, but there is nothing wonderful about eating them for lunch every day! ” 
 
 He snatched the ladle back. `` Ma'am, were you buried yesterday?'' The server's patience was bleeding out. 
 
 I sighed and made eye contact with him. `` It's been a month since my wake. ” 
 
 “ Ma ’ am, I know it isn ’ t really my place, but do you have anyone you can talk to? 
 
 I made the sign of the cross in an exaggerated manner, and the server looked back at me sympathetically. I sensed an opening, and tried one more time: `` What about the naan?'' 
 
 `` Well...'' the server looked at me before checking that there were no other cafeteria patrons nearby, `` I suppose I could put it down as a communion wafer on the receipt, but just this once. ” 
 
 `` Throw in a double order of Matzah.'' 
 
 If this place didn ’ t have a mass revelation about the transnationality of religion soon, I was going to have a portmortem conversion. We already had a cafeteria worthy of Heaven, or whatever glorious afterlife banquet you could want. No, what we needed was a potluck: a rogue, interfaith potluck. Regulations be damned. 
 
 Edit: left out the `` y'' on worthy. Sorry for not proofing better.
