[ WP ] You wake up in your car , you have your seat belt on , and a phone in your lap . There 's someone on the line , and they 're screaming at the top of their lungs to get your attention . You answer them , and as soon as you do , they tell you to hit the gas and get away as soon as possible .

The sunlight flashed crimson off of the water like a spark off of a flint. I've been sitting at the pier for the last couple of hours. Time seemed to move slowly when you were contemplating life while watching the sunset. Anybody walking by would've questioned why a car was sitting on the edge of the pier overlooking the ocean, but I say those people are stupid and their mothers all got stuck walking through a door this morning. 
 
 Something on my lap buzzed in between my legs. I enjoyed the feeling momentarily before picking it up. It was my phone, receiving a call from someone with no caller ID. Probably another sensual and bootylicious lady begging for my time tonight. No I'm not that delirious. It's probably actually another Nigerian prince waiting to give me his castle. I tossed the phone back on my lap. Maybe another day, Mr. Prince. 
 
 The phone buzzed again and again. Someone really wanted to give me a good time. I picked up. 
 
 `` DUDE!'' I did n't recognize this voice. `` You got ta, like, drive straight brah!'' 
 
 `` The fuck are you?'' I replied respectfully. 
 
 `` No, like, seriously go straight! You need to move now broseph.'' 
 
 `` I'm hanging up.'' 
 
 `` I know your girlfriend left the country today.'' 
 
 I paused. `` Okay who the fuck are you?'' 
 
 `` I'm your friend bromeister. I know you do n't trust me but I've always been here. I'm your guardian bro.'' 
 
 “ Right and I ’ m Willy Wonka. I don ’ t know who you are but- ” 
 
 “ GET DOWN BRO! ” A bullet blew straight through my windshield from behind me, narrowly missing my ear. 
 
 “ What the fuck! ” 
 
 “ Drive straight! ” the voice screamed. “ Slam the pedal like you ’ re about to fuck that pussy! ” 
 
 I paused. 
 
 “ Hard! ” the voice was hysterical. I slammed the gas and flew straight off of the pier. My car hovered over water, as I pondered the strange events of the past few moments. As I levitated for those few seconds, I could hear the mysterious douchenuzzle sing over the phone, “ Guardian bro-ooooo, ” like it was a fancy commercial jingle. Then my car fell downwards and to my surprise, slammed on hard ground. The water had parted ways to reveal the sandy crust beneath, and now had formed two giant walls surrounding my car. 
 
 “ Holy shit. ” 
 
 “ Guardian bro-o-o-ooo. ” The douchenuzzle had gone soprano. 
 
 “ Are you freaking jesus- “ 
 
 “ You got ta drive brah! Questions later. They be chasing you. ” 

