[ WP ] You are clumsy in the kitchen . Today , you perform a satanic ritual entirely by accident .

`` Let me see Dolly, just sit back and watch, I'll make us a breakfast in five minutes tops, with pancakes and syrup and honey on toast; fresh squeezed orange juice and sugary oats -- do you want coffee, well do n't lift a hand, put up your feet, do n't dare stand.'' 
 
 Rodger smiled confidently, it began with the flour. A mixing bowl, two cups, baking powder. He added the milk and the eggs and the butter -- ran to the toaster and dropped in slices of bread, started the tea pot and said, `` This is nothing doing, darling, breakfast with a show.'' 
 
 Dolly sat with her head propped up by hands and elbows. Nodding, she smiled and Rodger yelled, `` Ca n't forget the fat,'' rushing to the ice box where the bacon was laid out flat, in long little rows -- he grabbed the syrup and turning hands full, managed to get to the counter in three steps. 
 
 Dolly lit a cigarette as if she knew and soon the stove was going with three pans steaming up rolls, white smoke chimneys that steamed out cylinder O's. The toaster was red and the tea kettle blew out a whistle so sharp the front door opened and closed. 
 
 The kitchen lay waste, disorder and trash, plates, smoke, sounds and Dolly butt out her last smokey breath before the gasp. Rodger turned with a smile and said, `` Are you ready to eat,'' as his luck ran out and the god of clumsiness returned. 
 
 With a touch of a toe on the linoleum that glowed, his ankle rolled and he reached out for a hold, grabbing the pan on the stove that held, 7 or 8 little pancakes. Dolly's eyes turned into teacups. The pancakes flew over Rodger's head landing on the floor. 
 
 7 pancakes lay, but Rodger was burned. Rushing to the sink to cool off his hand, he pushed away the mixing bowl -- before he could react the glass cracked on the floor with a smash. Standing in the muck of batter, bare feet soon bloody by glass he gathered, what little human life he had left to offer a smile, to Dolly who cackled with laughter. 
 
 Before he could laugh or cry, she pointed at the stove, where the bacon burned black with sulfur like smoke. `` No,'' he whimpered and shuffled his feet, in an arc around the pancakes. The bacon was burned charcoal -- the toast had become black sheets, erupting as a volcano with small flames and ash. 
 
 Clearing the counter, trying to make room, he put the honey and syrup jars upon a plate, pushed it away to manage the toaster -- It was too late. He pulled the chord on the toaster, it whipped the silver box around knocking the syrup and honey to the ground. The toast flew over his head and the grease from the bacon hit the floor with a sizzle. Rodger struggled to open the kettle. It gave out a long haunting whistle. 
 
 Dolly had shut down, her laughter turned to tears, half real for the mess was unreal. `` My god, you devil what have you done?'' she yelled and the room went black and from the darkness sounded 7 bells. From the ground with a circle of bloody flour, 7 pancake medallions grouped around an inverted cross of syrup, with two smoldering pieces of charcoal toast still smoking, the linoleum began to swell. 
 
 `` What the hell,'' Rodger cried and with the sounding of the 7th bell, the floor opened up and in the black portal appeared a monster or devil, a thing from the abyss, ancient being of evil, bameth born horned satyr with beard and red lips. Between its eyes was the 7 circled mark of Dis. 
 
 `` Jes-us Christ!'' Dolly yelled and dipped through the back, out of the kitchen in a flash. There stood Rodger shaking, nearing a piss. `` You have summoned I, Nagah Di, born of darkness and hate who dwell in the pits of the fourth circle in constant misery and pain,'' the creature growled. 
 
 Rodger tried to run, his knees were just jello and bone. Falling in a lunge, head in the table, the wood barely stung. The demon howled, prepared to rip holes through the world. Skull on wood crack, hollow echoes -- but the salt shaker launched back in a perfect arc. Rodger turned to see, the porcelain cat meow and crash into the demon's forehead, touching his satanic seal. 
 
 `` Oh fuck,'' Nagah Di growled as the room went pure black, the pancakes caught on fire, the floor opened and the devil was sucked back. Sitting in flour and syrup and toast, honey and grease, bloody feet, Rodger spoke, `` Dolly!'' 
 
 Her head popped through the swinging door. He tried to smile, `` Let's go eat at the diner up the road.'' 

