[ WP ] Living in the worst possible timeline / If there is a parallel universe for every possible outcome , there must be one with the worst possible outcomes .

Mortimer's eyes were barely open morning slits of light when the shot rang out. As he focused on the pajama'd elephant slumped before him his only thought was `` How did he get in those?''. He rolled himself over the beast, up and out of bed, with his right foot landing squarely on top of a banana peel. The peel assisted Mortimer in constructing a dance of improbable complexity as he and the peel slid back and forth across the room. The peel continued it's slide but Mortimer had decided to upend himself, finding repose on the floor with his derriere providing impromptu cushioning. 
 
 He dressed. 
 
 Leaving his apartment and entering the hallway he found Mr. Crawinski atop a step ladder, hand firmly grasping a 75 watt lightbulb. Two assistants lifted the ladder and walked Mr. Crawinski counter-clockwise. Mr. Crawinski rolled his eyes in Mortimers direction as he reminded his assistants `` Righty tighty, lefty loosey''. The assistants reversed their circular walk as Mr. Crawinski shook his head. 
 
 On the stoop Mortimer went to pet the the dog next to a young man sitting on the third step from the bottom. `` Does your dog bite?'' he asked the boy. `` Nope'' came the reply. Mortimer's hand inched closer and the dogs lips began to spread. `` Your dog?'' Mortimer wisely inquired. `` Nope'' came the reply a second time. 
 
 The idea had come to him before but this time, rather than dismiss it, Mortimer's thinking became quite clear. He had n't always lived this way. Things used to be quite normal in fact. Now things were different. His life had, he concluded, become something of a joke.
