[ CW ] Start with `` Everyone knew trying to run was futile , yet so far all of them tried anyway '' , end with `` I do n't make the rules , I just enforce them . ''

Everyone knew trying to run was futile, yet so far all of them tried anyway. Every well-known lawyer, councilman, or civic leader who disagreed with me tried to run their campaigns to derail my incumbency. 
 
 But an alpha wolf does n't back down. I've been the governor of this state for 24 years! I'm an INSTITUTION. I am BELOVED by my people, and FEARED by my ENEMIES. Though my policies and initiatives can, at times, be a bit heavy handed, I firmly believe, and can back that belief up with the necessary experience, that I am STILL the right man for this job. 
 
 But ambitious assholes on both ends of the political spectrum want to see me fail. The Tea Party candidate wants to get rid of me because I gave a pardon to some 17-year-old Peruvian boy who was being held by a county sheriff on a felony for trying to earn money to feed his family without the proper documentation. The Liberal Elite want me gone because I do n't feel quite ready to institute their Socialized Healthcare BULLSHIT if they ca n't even get the WEBSITE to work correctly. The environmentalists hate that I drive a Hummer, and the Christian Fundamentalists hate that I have n't declared my hate for the Homos, like Jesus apparently did ( though last I checked, there ai n't no damn place in all the New Testament where he ever damns a cream puff ). 
 
 But they do n't see the good that I do: They do n't pay attention to the economic growth in my state, or the streamlining of public services, or the lower crime rates. 
 
 It's a shame, really. I've longed for a good ol' fashioned one on one, mano e mano campaign showdown for a VERY long time. But none of their challengers are up to the task. I mean, they did n't pay attention to the 1953 law that requires all gubernatorial candidates to submit a copy of their birth certificate and all documents pertaining to any international travels they have ever made, as well as a sworn and notarized statement in TRIPLICATE claiming that they were not, or had they ever been, affiliated with the Communist Party, by the appropriate deadline for campaign season eligibility. Passed during the McCarthy era, the bill was originally meant to weed out suspected socialist sympathizers, but people kinda forgot about it when the whole Civil Rights push of the'60s took place. Of course, I could try to get the law retroactively cancelled so that all of the candidates who tried to run against me could still do so, or I could even ignore it and let their campaigns commence like normal. But that would be remiss of me as a Governor, a lowly public servant, to do so. 
 
 I do n't make the rules, I just enforce them.
