[ WP ] Most of the Milky Way galaxy is ruled by an interstellar empire , populated by hundreds of alien races . The species of the ruling monarch keeps changing ; once they die , the emperor is reborn as a member of one of the many races . You 're the first human-reincarnation of this ruler .

Black Friday rolled around, and Jeshawn dreaded each step from the bus stop to the front door. Minimun plus fifty cent, and if he breaks forty then over time, but they carefully plan the schedule around that. The prior week had been many short shifts, some only as long as two hours, leading up to this: Two back-to-back eights with no gap. Is n't this just a sixteen hour shift? he had asked Karen, his manager. She said she was only working to help pay for college, but the way she looked and the way she smelled, well, damn if she were n't dancing over at Maybeline's, because her curves banged like an accident. But it rained, dollops of cold from a Northwest sky, because of course it did, anything to make this day suck just a little bit harder. 
 
 He took out his phone, a T-Mobile distro of Android called Lime Jello Pop, because when life's gon na suck, it sucks right down to to the bitter little details. In this case, that meant clicking through an ad to access the phone. The number he dialed, being secure and all, was still a toll number that charged him fourteen ninety nine for the first minute, and nine ninety-sine for each additional. That on top of the limited minutes which, when run down, forced him to click through another round of ads. 
 
 `` Jeshawn,'' Special Agent Dannover said. It sounded like he was eating chips. A bag crinkled. A bottle top twisted, letting out a little bit of carbonated hissing. `` Sorry, in the middle of lunch. Empire Senate is not in session, and you're supposed to be on vacation.'' 
 
 `` This?'' He held up his hands to the rain, channeling his inner Tim Robbins - no, wait, to hell with that white boy - his inner Freemen. He should have been the one to bust out of there. `` This ai n't vacation, Dick.'' 
 
 `` Like I said, my first name is Ricardo, not Richard, and to you, it's Special Agent.'' 
 
 `` I'm the emporer of the galaxy! What am I doing working carts at a freakin' Wall-Mart on Black Friday anyway?'' 
 
 `` You forget? Austerity measures. You do n't actually get a real vacation.'' 
 
 `` You know when I go up there,'' he jammed his thumb to the sky, `` I get treated like royalty, and when I get down here -'' 
 
 `` Keep your voice down.'' 
 
 `` When I get down here, I get treated like a - `` 
 
 `` Like what? Someone who barely made it out of high school? Who refused every offer made for some kind of vocational training so that, you know, could actually do your job? North Korea, goddamn North Korea gave you a chance, and, like an idiot, you did n't study for that lame-ass test they gave you.'' 
 
 `` It was four hundred questions!'' 
 
 `` And every answer was I Love Dear Leader. How could you possibly mess that up? But you did. I would have understood if you got a zero, but you got a thirteen percent, which means you actually tried. Look, we do n't know what to do with you anymore, and nobody else in the universe seems to want you, but Earth is now on the hook for your former self's party bill.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, well, I ai n't working on Black Friday.'' 
 
 `` Guess who has to pay for your former party bill?'' 
 
 `` Earth,'' Jeshawn muttered. 
 
 `` That's right. And guess who knows that?'' 
 
 `` Who?'' 
 
 `` Everybody,'' the special agent said. 
 
 `` Statistically, and this is the crazy thing about math because you would n't otherwise believe it, but do you know where the safest place for you to work is?'' 
 
 `` In a Presidential Bunker?'' 
 
 `` No, those actually are n't that safe. An independent Teloraxian review concluded there was too much asbestos, and given your equilibrium score, too many sharp angles. Your day job was determined based on a composite score, using inputs from all around the galaxy. With the exception of your former hedonistic home world, the near universal determination, and statistically safest place for you was - `` 
 
 `` This is such bull,'' Jeshawn said. `` No way a Wall-Mart is that safe. Especially on a black friday.'' 
 
 `` Oh, and that reminds me,'' the special agent said, `` You forgot to fill in my information on the union representative section of your application. I'm supposed to, legally, be collecting twenty percent of your paycheck for administrative purposes.''
