[ WP ] Write a story in which a `` Chekhov 's Gun '' is actually Chekhov 's Gun and a `` Red Herring '' is actually a red herring .

“ I must admire your collection. ” 
 
 “ Thank you, Mr. Homes, I've been rather interested in the whole affair. ” 
 
 Homes leaned closer, reading off some of the inscriptions, such as, “ Chekhov's gun. ” After a few more, he said, “ Very impressive, where did you come across it? ” 
 
 “ Well, my husband travels much and shares some of the same interest in detective fiction. ” 
 
 “ Does he now? ” Walking to the end of the display, he paused to chuckle. “ Rather amusing this, ” he said, tapping a plastic fish and then frowning at it. 
 
 She blushed. “ I'm afraid he has an unusual sense of humour, ” she said. “ I normally cover it when he's absent, such a cheap thing. Completely out of place. ” 
 
 Before he could say anything more, the lights flickered and doused, and a great commotion rose through the house. Homes led the lady out of the room, brandishing his walking stick. Out in the hallway, he grabbed a butler. 
 
 “ What's going on? ” 
 
 “ There's an intruder! Please, keep her ladyship in there. ” 
 
 Soon enough, though no further sightings occurred, a few staff joined them with tea and crumpets, and several more staff came and went. Hours later, the head butler deemed it safe to leave. 
 
 Only, as she went to leave, the lady looked at her display and had to cover her agape mouth. “ It's- it's gone! ” 
 
 “ What's gone? ” 
 
 “ The gun! Chekhov's gun! ” 
 
 Gasps and whispering broke out amongst the amassed staff, and only Homes looked unperturbed. “ Fret not, my dear. ” 
 
 “ Why ever not? That gun is worth a small fortune! ” 
 
 “ The first thing one must do when a crime is committed is ensure that the criminal may not escape, ” he replied. “ Lock the doors, take attendance, if you would. ” 
 
 She swallowed, and nodded, directing various staff to do as such. When everyone was accounted for and present, he continued on. “ The second thing is to ensure that the crime has been correctly reported. ” 
 
 “ What do you mean? ” 
 
 “ I mean, is Chekhov's gun the only thing missing? Indeed, is it even missing or merely misplaced? Perhaps knocked down amongst all the excitement. ” 
 
 She nodded, and took inventory. “ All our other pieces are accounted for, ” she said. 
 
 “ But are they? I notice you're missing the red herring. ” 
 
 “ Then I should have to give the thief a reward for ridding me of it, ” she replied. 
 
 Homes hummed to himself, walking to the display. “ Let us see, from this position it would most likely be knocked backwards, rolling off onto the floor, ” he said, crouching down. “ A light, someone? ” 
 
 One of the page boys ran off, coming back with a candle. 
 
 “ Down here, my boy, ” Homes said, pressing himself to the ground. “ Ah, and here we have it, ” he added, sliding his cane underneath. “ Your precious gun. ” 
 
 “ Oh my, how wonderful! ” she said. “ To think I'd be privy to such fantastic detective work. ” 
 
 Homes smiled, tipping his hat. “ I'm flattered, ” he said. “ But I have yet to finish. ” 
 
 “ What else is there? Clearly this has been an episode of clumsiness. I should think we can forgive whoever did so as we were all in quite the panic. ” 
 
 “ And the fish? ” 
 
 “ Likely under there as well, and it can stay there for all I care. ” 
 
 Homes tapped his cane along the floor as he paced. “ May I ask who has the job of cleaning these displays? ” 
 
 “ For what purpose? ” 
 
 “ Curiosity, if you will. An insatiable desire for all detectives. ” 
 
 She smiled. “ Well, I can see no harm. One of the house maids, at the direction of the housekeeper. ” 
 
 “ I see, ” he said, nodding to himself. “ You said you are familiar with detective fiction? ” 
 
 “ Very much so, ” she said. “ I would hardly go so far for a passing interest. ” 
 
 “ Then, you are familiar with what Chekhov's gun symbolises? ” 
 
 She nodded. “ Of course. It is an item that is conspicuously mentioned at the beginning, to be used much later. ” 
 
 “ Indeed, so eloquently put. And what of the red herring? ” 
 
 “ A clue intended to mislead. But what does this have to do with anything? ” 
 
 Smiling, Homes gestured at the gun. “ A red herring. ” 
 
 “ No, that is Chekhov's gun, ” she replied, and pointed at the empty place. “ That was the red herring. ” 
 
 “ I am afraid you are mistaken, ” he said. “ Your husband left there Chekhov's gun. ” 
 
 “ No, it was definitely a red herring, ” she said. “ Are you okay Mr. Homes? ” 
 
 “ Perfectly fine, but I must ask you: your husband, he deals in diamonds, does he not? ” 
 
 “ He does, ” she said, frowning. “ And what of it? ” 
 
 “ And your house maids, they would be set for life if one of them were to come into, say, a few of such diamonds, would they not? ” 
 
 “ Indeed they would, ” she said. “ But where are you going with this? ” 
 
 Homes stamped his cane, and then flicked it up so it pointed at the door. “ No one leave. ” Everyone looked to each other, whispering madly once more. “ My lady, Chekhov's gun was nothing more than a red herring. ” 
 
 “ Preposterous, it's not even red. ” 
 
 “ Then are you aware that the red herring rattles? ” 
 
 She shook her head. “ No doubt an indication of the poor quality. ” 
 
 “ Or, perhaps, an indication that your husband kept it in the most secure part of your mansion for a particular reason, ” Homes said, and swung around to face the staff. “ It is because he stole diamonds from his company and encased them within a comical fish to hide them. ” 
 
 “ That is slander! ” 
 
 “ No, my dear, it is a trail of inferences, ” he said. “ Ones which I am quite confident in. You see, your husband too is a fan of detective novels, and so he thought to be the criminal himself, outsmarting the world with a grin. No one would look twice at a red herring, and it would be the finest irony to have a red herring be what the detectives searched for. ” 
 
 “ Then- then what of the gun? You say that the fish has been stolen because it is full of diamonds, but the gun would be worth twice as much. I have made no secret of its value. ” 
 
 “ Indeed, the gun would be a worthy target of any theft. However, we noticed its absence immediately, yes? The fish, why you have made clear your disdain and likely the search for it would only begin when your husband returns. Except, of course, that he could never admit the true value of the fish without admitting to his own crimes, and so no search would be conducted. The culprit would be free with no one on their tail. ” 
 
 She clutched her head. “ This has become too much. Surely you are mistaken? ” 
 
 “ If I am mistaken, then you would not mind me asking your housekeeper who was the last maid to clean this room? ” 
 
 She nodded. “ Satiate your delusions. ” 
 
 The housekeeper replied, “ The new girl, my lady. ” 
 
 “ There you have it, ” she said. “ Darcy, come forward. ” 
 
 She stepped forward. “ What can I do for my lady? ” 
 
 “ Well, what now Mr. Homes? ” 
 
 “ Empty your pockets, please. ” 
 
 She took out some tissues, a couple of coins, a length of ribbon and a locket. When Homes continued to stare expectantly at her, she shuffled her feet, looking down. 
 
 “ And now the fish, ” he said. 
 
 She did n't move at first, but then slowly brought a hand to the neckline of her blouse and retrieved the fish from within. As she handed it over to him, it rattled. 
 
 “ There you have it, my lady. All along, Chekhov's gun was a red herring, and in the end your husband's red herring was his own Chekhov's gun. ”
