[ WP ] You 've just sold your soul to Satan in exchange for demonic powers . However , you did n't read the fine print and it turns out you 've entered into a pyramid scheme . `` Satan '' is actually a low-level demon and you have to recruit 200+ souls to get your powers .

Mattew arrives five minutes late. I can see as he looks for me through the cafe, so I raise my hand to get his attention. A couple seconds later and he is sitting across from me, sipping quietly the coffee I so graciously bought him. 
 
 “ Thank you very much for coming on so short notice, ” I tell him. By now, the script I have down to the last part. I know this is going to be it, I have gotten so much better at this sales thing. My effort is finally going to pay off. I just have to focus, and be my very best. “ I know we haven ’ t talked in a while, but this is going to pay off, I promise. ” 
 
 Mattew gives me this strange look, but nods. Good, good, it ’ s going good. The next part is trying to reconnect with him ( or creating a new connection, if this were a cold approach. It ’ s all in the manual, you know. All you need to know. ) 
 
 “ How is the wife? ” I ask him. 
 
 “ She ’ s fine, thank you, ” he says, a bit dryly, but at this point in time, I ’ m so used to people yelling at me that this is perfectly acceptable to me. 
 
 “ Great. The children? ” 
 
 “ Fine too. Mary is starting school next week, ” I make a quick mental note at that. I ’ m sure I could use the info for my pitch, somewhere. 
 
 “ Great. Cool. Smart little Mary. So… Mattew, how ’ s the job? Doing alright? ” That ’ s the beginning of my pitch. If he doesn ’ t like his job, I ’ ll propose a new one, with cool hellish powers, and if he likes it, I ’ ll propose a new one, a better investment in the long run. It includes cool hellish powers. 
 
 But Mattew doesn ’ t answer, and instead, he says: 
 
 “ Karl, man. I didn ’ t come here to hear your speech. ” 
 
 “ What are you talking about? ” I say, astonished. 
 
 “ C ’ mon. The speech you have been giving to everyone in your facebook friend ’ s list. Yeah, people have been talking. How you invite them to reconnect over a coffee or discuss a business opportunity and then you try to rope them into your multi-level scam. ” 
 
 “ No, no, no, you don ’ t get it, ” this I didn ’ t expect, of course, but the manual knows what to say when accused of being a Pyramid Scheme, and by now I can say it in my sleep, “ this is not a pyramid scheme. It ’ s a new business opportunity model, we have an actual product, so there is real value being generated. We trade in these awesome hellish powers, and… ” 
 
 “ Karl, I have a PhD, you know. I think I know what a pyramid scheme looks like. Do you even get paid? ” 
 
 “ Of course I get paid, ” I lie, “ It ’ s just that most of it comes from sales-bonus. ” 
 
 Mattew looks at me through those glasses of his, and I suspect he doesn ’ t believe a single word. 
 
 “ Oh yeah? Sales bonus? Tell me, how many hellish powers have you sold, lately? ” 
 
 “ No, no, you need souls to power those, ” I say, stumbling over my words, “ it ’ s not as bad as it sounds, souls are mostly leased and by getting new people to subscribe to the model, you get to keep yours, no one loses their souls, because they can always find new people to subscribe! ” 
 
 “ Karl. Karl, Jesus. You don ’ t know what geometric progression means, do you? ” 
 
 “ Uh? ” 
 
 “ That even if your stupid little scam worked, your market would eventually saturate and millions would not be able to fulfill their… Scram, forget it. Look, how many souls have you won lately? ” 
 
 “ We don ’ t win any souls, ” I explain, “ it ’ s a subscription based environment, I only recruit more sales forces. With my help you can become a top-notch salesman in no time and get your own team and… ” 
 
 “ Dude, “ Mattew is now a bit exasperated, “ How many souls. ” 
 
 “ Erm, well, taking into account the difficult month, and that issue with the providers, and the barrier to entry… hum… well, none, but that is going to change very quickly, this is a momentum based strategy and I ’ m raising fast, I ’ m training and going to conventions, man, I really believe this is worth the effort, ” you can do all kinds of crazy shit with hellish powers. 
 
 “ I know, Karl, ” he seems more calm now. Maybe this is my opportunity. I need to get him to stop being so defensive and hear my arguments. The manual arguments. Same thing. While I try to figure out my next move, he continues. “ You have invested a lot of time and money getting this to work, haven ’ t you? But it just seems just as far away as ever. ” 
 
 “ No, no, the first sale is the hardest, everything becomes easier as it… ” 
 
 “ Have you even seen someone with those cool devilish powers you are selling? ” 
 
 “ Well… ” This is very non-standard. Maybe I ’ ll have to write to corporate to get them to add some response in the manual, because I don ’ t know what to do. How to spin this at my advantage? And have I actually seen someone with awesome hellish powers? “ At the conference the speaker had mysterious tinted glasses and the borders around his face where all lighted up with red light and it looked badass, and when he stepped into the stage the place heated up… ” 
 
 “ I can do that with a thermostate and two LEDs, Karl. ” 
 
 “ Well I signed a contract! ” Now I ’ m the one that ’ s mad. Mattew may have his stupid PhD and his sexy young wife and his kids and his jobs but I finally found a way to be cool, without effort and without becoming rich first, and it ’ s going to work, I ’ m going to finally be cool, people will like me. I ’ m going to be cool, dammit! “ I will get my cool powers! ” 
 
 Mattew smiles, with sadness. 
 
 “ I think you don ’ t believe that anymore, man. And you know what? At this point, all you ’ ve done, it ’ s not actually becoming cool without effort, right? ” 
 
 “ …Damn… ” All those hours, the studying, practicing pitches in front of the mirror, getting ready to answer all kind of attacks… Yeah, it was a lot of hours. Days even. I could have gotten hired at a real job. 
 
 “ Don ’ t get like that, Karl. I know you really believed in your pitch, ” Mattew says. Then he adds: “ Hey, how about I get you working with me. ” 
 
 I look at him, astonished. 
 
 “ You would do that? ” 
 
 “ Of course! It would be a starting position, obviously, but with your dedication, I think you will do really well with us. You would get a chance to do some good, actually. ” 
 
 “ Mattew, that ’ s so nice of you… ” It ’ s like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. No, from my mind. I can think clearly now… What have I been doing? Just wasting my time trying to get really awesome powers, trying to be cool like... 
 
 Wait just one minute. 
 
 “ How did you know that I did all this to be cool? ” 
 
 Mattew smiles and lowers his tinted glasses, and looks at me with two glowing, golden eyes. 
 
 “ That ’ s just what I do, Karl. And let me tell you, you are going to love the office. ” 

