You look out the window , only to see a face staring right back at you . Whose is it ? Why are they there ?

Hello. I thought you'd left me, so long ago. Just like you thought I left you earlier than that. 
 
 It seems we were both wrong, dear. But it is not your wrong that hurts, any more. It's only fitting that you're here today, anyway. 
 
 When you fell ill, and I took to working more, you took that as a sign that I could n't bear to see you in that condition. That I did n't love you any more. Only half of that was true. You were right, I could n't bear to see you in that condition. I worked more so I could earn more, for you to have only the most skilled doctors, that you would get better. I tried to tell you this, but I could never find the words. I tried everything beyond my power to ease your pains, overlooking what I truly should have done, and it seems that in the end, I only made them worse. 
 
 If only I'd known it would n't have worked. 
 
 I would have spent more time with you, precious, precious time. I might not even be having this conversation today, if I had done so. I did know that was what you wanted, and I thought I had spared as much as I could, while still keeping on track of my goal. `` There will always be more time to spend with her, when she is better'' I kept telling myself, and I truly wanted you to get better. It broke me to see you so ill, so frail, unable to do what you loved to do, unable to express yourself in only the ways you can. The separation pained me too, but not as much as seeing you losing yourself. If only I had known that I was doing more harm than good... If, might, if, might. Enough. 
 
 *If `` if'' had any might, and if `` might'' could change the past, we'd never learn from our mistakes and just repeat the last. * 
 
 You said that on our first date, and it's never been more true. 
 
 After what would become my last day at that job, I came home to an ambulance outside our house. I did n't know what to think. I did n't even want to think. When they told me the cause of your death, I wanted it even less. The note you left us was informative enough, but the conflicts that arose in my mind obliterated any sense I could make of the situation. Everyone kept telling me that I did the best I could for her, but they did n't know. They could n't understand. Everything I missed over previous years became clear to me that night. 
 
 I do n't, and did n't, blame you. In fact, I understand what drove you to it. My inability to express my motivations in the light of your condition, and your condition itself, ultimately broke you. You never blamed me for it, though you could have and I would accept it, knowing what part I played, however unwittingly, in your doom. 
 
 You are a welcome sight, though. I'm glad you're here. I was n't there when you passed away, but it is an honor for me, that you are here when I do. 
 

