[ WP ] What would you do for a klondike bar ?

EDIT: Crap, I just noticed the constraint that there are only five Klondike Bars in the world. Sorry! 
 
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 The villagers gathered near the metal carcass and waited in silence. Some of them appeared calm while others were clearly distressed. A quick, abrupt, electrical crackle and snap startled them all, but the momentary shock was quickly replaced by excitement. Before them, on a small metal pedestal, lay a foil-wrapped treat unlike anything else they'd ever known. On the packaging the words `` Klondike Bar'' were printed in big blue letters. 
 
 The eldest of the tribe's shaman stepped in front of the crowd and slammed the butt off his staff into the dirt. Many of the people stepped backward, content with having seen the magical appearance of yet another Klondike Bar. Others, however, were not so easily satisfied. They wanted to taste it. They longed to feel it's icy filling and chocolaty parts in their mouths and throats. 
 
 Those who remained near the shaman were the nervous ones. All of them eyed the delicious treat as steam drifted lazily off of the foil. The shaman lifted his staff to the heavens with both hands, gazed to the sky, and chanted in their language a mantra of thanks to the gods for yet another frozen delicacy. He then set his eyes on those in front of him. 
 
 Without speaking a word, each of the anxiety-filled villagers pointed at some part of their body. Only the shaman could choose who would be blessed that day for he was a conduit to the higher beings. One man, an old fellow with big, puffy hair and an addiction to licking carrion grubs, was gesturing to his heart. This was the ultimate of sacrifices to the gods, but the shaman understood. The old man was in poor health and may have felt like this was the last time he'd see the magical food appear in his lifetime. Clearly he wanted to out in the best imaginable way. 
 
 The shaman stopped in front of the man and gazed into his eyes. He saw fear, for the shaman was feared by the people because of his ability to commune with the gods. They did n't not understand how he did it, nor why he was blessed with the ability, but they knew that the gods were not to be trifled with. 
 
 The two men were locked in the stare down when a shout came from the west. More shouts and the sound of pounding footsteps grew closer. The shaman broke the gaze and saw the entire tribe rushing at the spot where he stood. Suddenly the old man grabbed hold of the staff with unexpected agility. Both men struggled to gain control of the wooden accessory. 
 
 Now the shaman feared for his life for he could hear calls of his name, and many references to him being a pile of excrement. He wondered why they would rebel against him. Fully grasping the situation, he released his grip on the staff and started to run. However, the old man was quick to push him to the ground. 
 
 Moments later one of the villagers stood over the shaman and looked down at him with pity. Then she looked at her fellow villagers and held up a large tome. She shouted to the people that she had learned that the shaman was a false shaman, and that the treats were not sent by the gods. The old man stood by her and smiled. He was proud of his daughter and felt relief that she saved him from making the ultimate sacrifice for the Klondike Bar. 
 
 As the people watched, the woman showed them how the pedestal worked. She opened the tome and laid it on the ground. Next to an illustration, in a language none of them could understand, was the following accompanying message. 
 
 `` The Repli-Matic 5000 is simple to use. Select the desired output product, and press the blue button. To reset the system, press the green button. For diagnostics, press the yellow button.'' 
 
 Most of them did n't understand the picture in the book, but those that did quickly found the blue button and pressed it. The electrical crackle and snap occurred over and over as Klondike Bars were replicated rapidly. Cries of joy filled the air while many of them were hastily consuming the bars. 
 
 A few hundred yards away, well hidden in a thicket of jungle undergrowth, a pale-skinned man observed the scene. `` Well, shit,'' Captain John Andrews thought to himself. Clearly his ease of access to the crashed spacecraft had changed, and after watching the locals start to feast he had to ask himself, `` What would I do for a Klondike Bar?''
