[ WP ] The only way you can die is if you kill yourself . You have decided that it 's time .

Even as I write this, I wonder what the point is. Who am I leaving a note for, if I ’ m the only one left? 
 
 
 It just feels wrong not to leave something behind. I ’ ve seen a thousand years come and go, and still I can not bear the thought that no small piece of myself will 
 remain. 
 
 
 It feels like so long ago that I promised myself I would stay until I ’ d seen it all. I have. Why wouldn ’ t I have? Some people might have thought it a curse to have to decide their own death. To have to choose between forgoing centuries or watching everyone and everything they ’ d ever loved fade away. Not me. I thought it was a blessing, even as I watched my first wife whither away while I never changed. I was sad, but more than that I was grateful it would never be me. I ’ ve always been selfish - not even centuries changed that fact. I married again. And then again - twelve times in all over the thousand years, and only three divorces. I ’ ve always been proud of that. 
 
 
 I never told any of them, of course. They all questioned it, eventually. Why I never changed. But not too hard, and not too long; it ’ s funny how little people will press when deep down they know that they don ’ t want to know. 
 
 
 But I digress. 
 
 
 How do I sum up centuries of life in one small letter? The things I ’ ve seen? 
 
 
 War. Famine. A dozen would-be utopias that rose and fell. The planet slowly dying. When they started sending colonies out into the vast unknown, I thought that one day I might even venture out among the stars. Then they failed, and failed again, and when they realized that leaving wasn ’ t an option it was too late to undo the damage. 
 
 
 The atmosphere thinned. The people starved. The radiation grew worse and worse. The few remaining wealthy survived for a while, using up the rapidly dwindling resources while the rest of the world struggled for survival even as their skin sloughed from their bodies. The population dwindled as children were born deformed, and then not at all. 
 
 
 Solutions were tested, of course. One after another, but they all failed as I struggled to hold out hope that there might be something that would come after the worst of my many years. 
 
 
 That was how I always reassured myself when things got bad. When I would start to wonder if it was time to end my own existence. I would always tell myself there would be something that came after. 
 
 
 But now it ’ s just me, alone, on this charred hunk of rock. I couldn ’ t say how long it ’ s been, but I ’ ve been alone for too long now. 
 
 
 I always thought that when the time came I would be able to peacefully. I ’ ve seen so much, more than anyone could have hoped for, but I do not feel peaceful. 
 
 
 It is time, but I am afraid. 
 

