[ WP ] A man orders a `` cheese pizza with no crust '' from a local pizza delivery joint as a joke . Unbeknownst to him , that pizza joint is a drug front and he just placed an order for a kilo of cocaine .

What do you do when you are 23 and jobless? 
 
 You eat pizza, smoke pot and you watch TV. At least, that's what I did. Or rather, to put it in the proper tense, that's what I have been doing for the last six months. 
 
 If you do n't believe me, take a look at this bunch of menus. Now, the pizza place sends over a new menu leaflet every time I order ( such a waste of paper, I know ) and I order ( at least ) twice a day - breakfast and dinner - how thick do you think the wad should have gotten? 
 
 I'll tell you - THIS thick. 
 
 Truth is, I do n't really need a job. My family sends me a nice little chunk of change every week. So much so, that I have a tab going on with my dealer. Every month, he and I settle it, over a stiff one and some - you guessed it - pizza. Them munchies be bad, yo! 
 
 This latest batch of nugs he sent over is something different. I feel like something different. 
 
 Do n't get me wrong, I still want pizza. My love for pizza can only be rivalled by the TMNT. Or Kumar and Harold's love for Whitecastle burgers. I just want different pizza, is all. 
 
 Rummaging around the old menus, I find one that says `` Nonna's Delivery''. Hmm, looks promising. Hey look, they even have a QR code for instant dial! Well, that decides it! 
 
 *tap* *tap* *tap* *tap* 
 
 `` Hello? Nonna's Delivery?'' 
 
 `` Yes, how may we be of service?'' 
 
 Is that an Italian accent I hear? Oooh, genyoooiiiinnnne! Jackpot! 
 
 `` How fresh are your pizzas?'' 
 
 There was a slight pause before the voice on the other end answered. 
 
 `` Fresher than your mother on her wedding night.'' 
 
 Wait, what? 
 
 `` Excuse me?!'' 
 
 `` What do you want?'' 
 
 Maybe I misheard. Maybe this weird pot is making me hear weird things... 
 
 `` Uhh, I'd like a cheese pizza with no crust.'' 
 
 There was another pause. It felt very pregnant. 
 
 `` Anything else?'' 
 
 `` A can of coke would be nice.'' 
 
 This time, the pause seemed pregnant. And angry. Definitely angry. Like hormonal pregnant woman angry. ( Do n't ask me how I know that, okay? I just know... ) I wish I had a girlfriend. I would read all her hints so hard, right now. It was the pot. Definitely the pot. The pot was speaking for - and through - me. Man, this pot was the shit!! I could- 
 
 `` You got a weird sense of humor man...'' 
 
 Shit, was I saying all of that aloud? I began to apologize but the genuinely i-talian voice cut me off, before I could even begin. 
 
 `` We do n't have your number on file. Will you be paying by cash, card or would you like to start a new tab?'' 
 
 A pizza place with a tab? Lord love a duck! This was manna from heaven! Hold on a second... 
 
 `` I would love to start a tab but do n't you guys need to verify identity before you can set up a delivery or something like that?'' 
 
 Another one of those pregnant pauses. I wonder, what he ( she? ) will deliver this time? 
 
 `` Just give us your address and our guy will verify it when he comes to deliver your order.'' 
 
 Huh, that's strange. But hey, if it works for them, who am I to question it, eh? 
 
 I gave them my address and left instructions to the building security to let the delivery guy up. Too many thefts in the building these days - the building super had instituted a temporary policy till the thieves were caught. Ah well, good guys got ta follow some of the rules! 
 
 *** 
 
 The doorbell rang and I peeked through the tiny slot in the door. `` Pizza Delivery!'' yelled the guy, when he presumably saw the eye-slot darken. 
 
 He was quite well-built for a pizza delivery guy. Probably had worked out in Syl Stallone's gym every miserable day of his life. The loose tee did nothing to hide his bulging biceps and the pizza box looked weirdly shaped in his calloused hands. 
 
 I opened the door and stretched out my hand. 
 
 `` Are n't you gon na let me in?'' he asked, somewhat confused. At the same time, he pulled the pizza back slightly out of my reach 
 
 His confusion confused me further, and I could only reply back with a monosyllabic, `` Huh?!'' 
 
 `` If you are gon na start a tab, I'll have to verify your address. Also, the pizza wo n't pass through this narrow slot here...'' 
 
 He said the word'pizza' quite distastefully. Like it was an insult. He also did n't look i-talian, so I assumed he was a little miffed at having to work for someone whose ancestry and loyalties were not entirely aligned with his own. 
 
 Still he had a point. That pizza box looked way too large to fit in through the narrowly opened door. Did I forget to tell them to make it a thin-crust? Ah, yes I did. 
 
 `` Hold on a sec,'' I said, closing the door, unlatching it and opening the door. He strode in and deposited the pizza on the table and started looking around. 
 
 `` You live alone here?'' 
 
 `` Yeah,'' I said uncertainly. The general aura he exuded seemed like that of a cop investigating a double homicide. Or a serial killer. He was looking at me like I was that serial killer and he had me by the balls. 
 
 I shoved my arms under my armpit and said, `` Well, are you satisfied? Is my address verified? I'd like to eat my pizza in peace now, please?'' 
 
 He gave me a look that could have chilled the ice-king in the North of Westeros from a thousand miles away. `` Kid, how old are you? Twenty-two? Twenty-three? You do n't have to do this you know? You did n't choose this life - it was chosen for you. You can still make something of your life. I can help you if you will help me...'' 
 
 O-k-a-a-a-a-a-y. Things had gone from zero to weird in no time flat. He began with creepy and was currently holding steady at WTF-levels. 
 
 `` Dude, I know I am already high as a fucking kite but I want whatever it is that you have been smoking! You are on a wild trip!'' 
 
 He glared at me and I could swear I heard him blow a gasket or something inside his brain. He swiftly rotated on the balls of his heels and produced a thin, sharp switch-blade out of nowhere. Sharply slicing the tape that held the pizza box closed, he flipped it open, shoved the box at my face and screamed. 
 
 `` WHY? IS N'T A KILO OF COCAINE ENOUGH, YOU POMPOUS BRAT?!'' 
 
 I think, I must have fainted right then and there. 
 
 ***** 
 
 A few drops of something cool trickled down my forehead, and made their way into my eyes where they tried to seep in through my closed eyelids. Ah, it had been a dream, I thought. 
 
 I smiled and opened my eyes and saw him leaning over me with a glass of water in his hand. 
 
 It was n't a dream. 
 
 He stepped back and sat on the chair across from me, never taking his eyes off me even for a second. My eyes tracked him all the way into his seat and my brain registered the first coherent thought since my eyes had opened. 
 
 I was probably dead and probably in hell. The next few moments would probably confirm that. 
 
 I gingerly sat up. I had n't broken any bones or sprained anything. Something had cushioned my landing. The soft rug, perhaps. Or perhaps, he had. I was n't sure. His eyes watched me carefully as I sat upright. He sat incredibly still, not moving, his hands steady on the armrest of the chair. The cold, steel barrel of a nine millimeter briefly glinted and made its presence known. 
 
 If I was n't dead yet, I probably would be soon. Again, the next few moments would probably confirm that. 
 
 He saw me glance at the gun in his hands and brought it up to his lap. `` Safety's off,'' he said calmly, `` No sudden movements. And do n't try anything stupid.'' 
 
 I reviewed the situation. I had accidentally ordered a kilo of cocaine and, in doing so, probably blown an entire drug-smuggling operation wide open. Now, a drug smuggler was sitting in my home, barely three feet across from me, with a potential death warrant in his hands. Oh, and how could I forget? THERE WAS A KILO-OF-COCAINE-THAT-SHOULD-HAVE-BEEN-A-PIZZA ON THE TABLE FOUR FEET AWAY FROM ME! 
 
 Oh yeah, I was well and truly dead. 
 
 ( To Be Continued )
