[ TT ] You are the Leader of an Elf Squad tasked to bring coal to naughty children . The price of coal has gone up . You need to find a suitable replacement

( little bit of swearing ) 
 
 Elf Squad leader, Jolly's my name 
 
 Would you like to know how I shot up to gain all this fame? 
 
 I started the idea of giving out coal, 
 
 disappointing naughty kids, now that was my goal. 
 
 Come every Christmas, we still carry out this plot 
 
 the very first person to receive coal had the name Scott. 
 
 Santa came in and busted down the door, 
 
 spilling his milk and cookies all over our floor. 
 
 `` This is no good! No good!'' 
 
 `` Stop worrying Santa, you never should!'' 
 
 Santa explained the whole mess of a situation. 
 
 I ordered all the elf's to come listen, and abandon their workstations. 
 
 `` Elf's, we ca n't afford coal!'' 
 
 the crowd responded, `` What, you must be a troll!'' 
 
 `` I assure you I'm not one, 
 
 for do n't I have pointy ears and can build a water gun? 
 
 Unfortunately, I fear we have more pressing matters, 
 
 we are on the brink of a global disaster. 
 
 We must find a replacement for coal by tonight, 
 
 before Santa takes off for his annual flight. 
 
 Does anyone know of something?'' 
 
 honestly all I could think of was the Hot line Bling. 
 
 `` Remember that thing we saw on Reddit?'' an elf said, 
 
 `` We can build it using only a thread!'' 
 
 That was a perfect thought. 
 
 `` Elf Sam, that's the best idea you ever brought! 
 
 Everyone, it's time to build!'' 
 
 I then pulled to side the elfs which were more skilled. 
 
 `` Look, I request you make as many as you can 
 
 it does n't need to look as good as Santa when he was a young man.'' 
 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
 
 8 hours has past, 
 
 and we were done at last. 
 
 Santa walked in and said, `` Ho, ho hold up. Whats this?'' 
 
 `` This? This is a sight of bliss!'' 
 
 `` Did you just mold things with bull-shit?'' 
 
 `` It's all we could find on the threads at Reddit, 
 
 besides, you never said we could n't, 
 
 and it's too late too argue, so we really should n't. 
 
 You need to go deliver these presents 
 
 to everyone living in houses, apartments, or even tents! 
 
 
 
 
 

