[ FF ] Write me a comedy in 5 sentences .

As Sam did up his jeans, he noticed that the familiar feel of his iPhone was absent. 
 
 He glanced around the toilet stall in panic and checked the other front pocket of his jeans just in case — nothing!! 
 
 He could just make out a dark shape in the water that could be — _had to be_ — his iPhone. 
 
 On hands and knees, driven by the prospect of worsening water damage but dismayed by the vileness of the act he had to perform, he summoned up the courage to put his hand into the mess of toilet tissue and his own human waste — to grab back his soiled possession. 
 
 Moments later, he was fighting the urge to vomit, thanks to his discovery that it was _not_ an iPhone he had grasped; but, in that moment, the sounds of splashes and his dry heaves were joined by another sound, that of his phone, ringing from the safe haven of his back pocket.
