[ WP ] You are granted each wish in the form of an enemy

This thing? Look, I consider myself a rational person, but everyone has their little superstitions. Mine is the ring. It's a joke, a gag gift from way back. Or I think it was. I've had it so far back into my childhood, I do n't even remember where I got it. Probably a cereal box. I do n't know exactly how the little thing works, but if you rub it and make a wish, it glows for a second and makes this tinny little `` sparkle'' sound. Like the `` your wish will come true!'' sound from movies. Cute, but obviously fake. I've earned *everything* I have. 
 
 When I rubbed the ring as a kid and wished for a best friend, the only thing I got was a bully. Asshole tormented me for years. Made my life a living hell. That dumb ox had it out for me for all of grade school, and most of middle school. If it was n't for James, the ACTUAL best friend I made, I do n't think either one of us would have made it through that torment. Funny story, actually. We met when we got shoved into the same wall of lockers. Spending a few hours with nothing to do but talk until our parents realized we were n't just out playing really makes you bond with a guy. He's still the best friend I've ever had, and that's not because of some stupid ring. 
 
 Or that time I rubbed the ring and wished to be a starter on the high school baseball team. That was a real strikeout. Next thing I know, I'm bumped from the team. Had to go down to the JV team, with Coach McGuirk. Now that guy, that was a total loser. One of those `` got injured in college but I totally could have been a pro'' jerks. Treated us like kids. Just constant drills and fundamentals, until we wanted to die of boredom. Sucked all the fun out of the game. And of course, nothing I ever did was right. Extra laps, extra drills, `` Do it again. Again. Again.'' I was never happier to make the Varsity team again. Even ended up starting. Guess I was n't as bad as he thought I was. 
 
 So, obviously the ring's not real. I know that. If it did have magical powers, it would be the power to make the exact opposite of whatever I wanted happen. I made the teenage wish to get laid, BAM! Girlfriend dumps me for another guy. I'll tell you, I do n't miss high school drama. Still, her best friend did end up throwing me a pity fuck. So it was n't all bad. 
 
 Look, here's the best example I have. I wished for a million dollars. What I got was losing my scholarship. Stupid little weasel RA turned me in for smoking pot. Suddenly, I'm off the team, tuition is due, and I'm going through the want ads for a part time job. That was it for the college party days. The fun was over. I worked my ass off. I applied for every minor cash scholarship I could find. And that stupid little tinpot dictator was always waiting to catch me screwing off so he could get me expelled. When I graduated, I was glad to leave. And a few of those scholarships really came through. Even after tuition, I had a good chunk of money to start out with. Not a million dollars by far, but if you count the tuition, room & board, and other expenses, I probably earned about a million. Enough left over to start my first business. 
 
 And wishing that business would be a success? Hah! Not 6 months into it, we're getting our asses *spanked* by another company. Everything we do, they do it better. Better product, better sales, better everything. I nearly killed myself trying to stay afloat. Looking for every opportunity, chasing every lead, trying to streamline the entire process. It was probably the most miserable time of my life. Barely slept, ate at my desk, NO life at all. Sunk all of my money into that business before it finally took off. When the recession hit, it devastated our market. Only one company was lean enough not to go under. Years of the constant threat of bankruptcy mades us hungrier and nimbler than the rest. We stole clients like crazy. We picked the carcasses of the bigger, bloated companies for talent. That's why we survived. And when the market recovered, we blew up BIG. Multinational big. And not because of a stupid wish. 
 
 Everyone looks at me like I'm lucky, but I'm not. `` Oh, your wife is so lovely and sweet! How did you meet?'' In physical therapy. She was in a car accident, I'd been mugged and stabbed. 8 months of hell for me, even longer for her. Yeah, that's how a wish for true love went. 
 
 Everything I have, I've earned. So yeah. It's a little superstition. But the truth is, I fought and scrapped my way to where I am. I fought for *every. single. piece* of happiness in my life. Every moment of joy was built on blood, sweat, and tears. Every success was hard won. I've had people trying to take what I have and block me *every step* of the way, and I beat them all. 
 
 And now? You know what I wish? I wish... I wish I was a better man. A better father. 
 
 See? Cheesy little sound. It's amazing the battery lasted this long. I should find out wha- Hold on. Yes, Clara? 
 
 *Mr. G? Your daughter is here. She wants to tell you somethi- YOUNG LADY! Please wait! I can let you-* 
 
 *DADDY! I met the most amazing guy! And we got MARRIED! You'll love him, I just know it. I met him when I was paying my traffic ticket, and he was getting released the SAME DAY! He's so hot, and he rides a motorcycle, and he says I'm pretty enough to be a model! And he knows a guy that does photoshoots, and he's going to call him for me! I ca n't believe it! I just need to borrow some money for the pictures, and to help him out with some money he owes. Oh daddy, it's like a dream! He's moving in until we can get a place of our own, but he says that wo n't be long. It's - Oh, can I just come in and tell you all about him? `` * 
 
 Uh... 
 
 Look. Can we finish this interview some other time? Or you can scrap it if you like. I do n't think my story is the one you're looking for. Good luck looking for... What was it? The ring of the crucible. Right. Well, trust me. There's no little magical imps making my life easier. 
 
 Now, if you'll excuse me, I... I have to talk to my daughter. See yourself out?
