[ WP ] The life of a vampire is n't what it 's cracked up to be .

Like most young men, I once believed that I would become the badass creature of the night that everyone imagined. It was my desire for power, youth, and admittedly the power of seduction that drove me to become what I am today. Sadly, I had figured out much too late that being a vampire was n't all it was cracked up to be. In fact, I began to hate myself more than I hated Arthur, my roommate who had a bad habit of walking into my room at inopportune moments. 
 
 `` Hey Simon, did you hear th-WHAT THE SHIT?!'' My vision a blur, I looked over to his general direction to indicate that I was still conscious. On the ground, bleeding. But still conscious. He was shocked, and I doubt anyone could blame him. He had just witnessed my 42nd attempt at suicide; my revolver lay opposite to the path of blood that spurted from my head wounds. 
 
 `` For God's sake, Arthur would it kill you to knock every now and then? Ca n't I have a moment's peace without you bursting into my room?'' I moaned as I made a sorry attempt of standing on my own two feet. God, I must look like a drunkard in this state. 
 
 Arthur, still in shock, stood there trying to comprehend my 42nd death. 
 
 `` Arthur... Arthur there's something I have to tell you.'' I said. My breathing had not yet stabilized, although my other bodily functions returned to me. 
 
 Standing up, I began to explain to him my history as a vampire. Of course, him being just a recent college graduate from Fullerton it was difficult for him to digest the information. It was a long talk, as I had to describe my previous life, and my years of experience killing sheep just to avoid police suspicion; but it was nice to at least have someone know who I really am. Even *if* it was Arthur. 
 
 `` Okay...'' Arthur finally said after a brief silence. `` So you're a vampire. But I do n't understand why you would go around killing yourself. I would have thought being a vampire would be fuckin' sweet!'' 
 
 *Here we go. * 
 
 `` Not really, Arthur.'' I began. `` Sunlight is a pain in the ass, I have to drink blood which tastes like ass by the way, and I have no blood flow.'' 
 
 `` So?'' 
 
 `` Sooooo... no erection.'' I sighed. `` No sex.'' 
 
 ``... I do n't want to be a vampire.'' He sighed. He walked over to the revolver, gripped it, and aimed it at me as if he was Clint Eastwood and I was one of the bandits. My lucky day. He fired twice, and watched me fall to the ground. 
 
 I woke up, five minutes later. The bullet holes had healed and the two bullets had been ejected from my body. Standing up, I swiped the gun from his hand. 
 
 `` Do n't do that again without my permission. I swear Arthur, I *will* turn you into a vampire, and you *will* live life without sex!'' His figure shrunk at the thought, and he quickly backed away towards the door. 
 
 Three loud bangs on the wood. 
 
 `` This is the police! Open up!'' 
 
 `` Shit, it's the police! Our neighbors must have called them! Simon, what do we do?'' Arthur cried as he turned towards me. `` Simon, what the hell are you doing?'' 
 
 I aimed the barrel into my mouth. He'll need more than luck explaining this to the police.
