[ WP ] God decides to judge humanity one final time before the Apocalypse , so he opens a retail shop to observe them from a cashier 's perspective .

`` Two twenty-two is your change. Thank you, come back and see us.'' God grinned. 
 
 The lawyer nodded and stuffed the receipt into his wallet. He snapped it shut, grabbed the bag, and strode out the door. 
 
 *Not a bad one, * God beckoned to the frail women next in line, *does some nice pro-bono work*. HE was starting to enjoy this little foray on the front lines. 
 
 `` Pack of Marlboro Lights please. And ten on pump seven.'' The woman coughed. 
 
 God sighed. `` You know these things'll kill you?'' 
 
 `` Did n't ask for a sermon.'' 
 
 God nodded and punched in the numbers. 
 
 `` Do n't know where boys like you get the gall.'' She muttered and snatched the receipt from his oiled fingers. `` In my day, the youth respected their elders.'' 
 
 God leaned over the chipped counter and whispered, in as soothing a voice he could manage, `` You've got one year, six months, and six days. I recommend spending some time with Rosie and enjoying it.'' 
 
 Her eyes widened. 
 
 HE leaned back and beckoned towards the teenager tapping his foot behind her. `` Thank you, ma'am, come back and see us before then!'' 
 
 The woman stumbled out the door. 
 
 She also wa n't too bad an example either. *Just needs a bit of good old fear in her. * God scanned the four-pack. `` I'm going to need to see some I.D.'' 
 
 `` I.D?'' The teen's high-pitched voice did n't help his claim. `` I'm 22!'' 
 
 He fumbled in his wallet while God only frowned. `` You were born on September 22, 1997.'' 
 
 `` H-h-huh? How'd you know that? I mean... I...'' The teen backed up and then dashed out the door. 
 
 *Humans sure are jumpy creatures. But this fear thing, it's kind of, well fun. * 
 
 God licked his lips and scanned the store for his next vict- er, customer. There were only two people left. A huge black man who was eyeing him nervously over the Slim Jim rack, and a middle-aged taxi driver who had just come in for her third coffee refill. He was hoping for the man, but the taxi driver shuffled towards the counter first. 
 
 `` How's business?'' God asked while the woman counted out coins. 
 
 `` Same shit, different day.'' 
 
 God chuckled. `` You have no idea.'' HE liked this woman. `` I'm going to do you a favor. Do n't pick up the man at 22nd and East Broadway tomorrow.'' 
 
 Her left eyebrow went up as she pushed the quarters towards him. `` Oh yea, what's he done to you?'' 
 
 HE shrugged. `` Man's on bail with two convicted armed robberies. Let's just say he's a bit desperate and trigger happy.'' 
 
 `` You some kind of fortune teller?'' 
 
 `` I got a hunch.'' 
 
 The woman grinned and tipped her cup at him. `` You're a good man Bobby. God bless you.'' 
 
 God felt a tingling in his chest. `` Thanks ma'am. Have a good one, and glad I'll see you again soon.'' 
 
 She chuckled and sashayed back to her car. God knew she did n't really believe him, but she was n't going to pick up the guy either way. 
 
 The door chime rang twice as the burly black man rushed out and a teacher walked in. 
 
 `` Hey bub. I need twenty on pump six.'' 
 
 God took the twenty. `` Hey, do n't you want your receipt?'' 
 
 `` Naw man, save the planet.'' The young teacher was already heading back towards the door. 
 
 *Not done with you yet. * `` Save your own life and do n't drive drunk tonight.'' 
 
 The teacher stopped with his hand on the door. `` What is this an advice column?'' 
 
 `` You're going to go to your sister's, Macy McDowell's, farewell party tonight. There, you're going to consume five Jack and OJs, because you love the taset of pulp on your tongue, before stumbling to your beat up Volkswagen. You'll take a left on Rose Ave., and then a right on 1st where you'll slam into a mother and her two kids that you did n't see crossing the road.'' 
 
 The teacher paled. He did n't dare turn around. `` You're some kind of freak.'' 
 
 God grinned and eyed the man's unkempt hair. `` A true one-of-a-kind.'' 
 
 HE watched the man walk slowly to his rust-bucket wagon. God rubbed his hands in anticipation. It had been a long time since he had any direct impact on any one life. That damned devil had been right all along. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

