[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

I have n't forgiven you. Because in order to forgive you, I would have to admit that I'm a victim. And if I'm the victim, then you are an attacker. And if you're an attacker, then how are you my big brother? 
 You never hurt me. Not physically. But I knew what you were doing was wrong and I feel like I should have, could have, would have stopped you. 
 We were just kids but you....you should have known. You knew or else you would n't have hidden it. 
 You've never asked and I've never told how much you fucked me up. Because it would kill you. 
 When my friend at school asked if you were getting counseling for what you did because her cop dad told her she could n't hang out with me because you were bad, I threw up. I went home crying and ashamed and guilty. 
 When I had to tell mom what you made me do and she was so destroyed by it. And I was so ashamed and so guilty. 
 When I finally found a guy to trust and date in college and told mom and she was so excited because she thought I was broken. 
 When that guy broke up with me because I told him my secret and he could n't understand how I could be in the same room with you. 
 When I started cutting to try and prove to myself that I do n't feel pain. But I did and I do. 
 
 I do n't hold on to what you did to me. I let it go. I learned that keeping that part of my history to myself is the only way to survive. I let the water take it. It's washed away by the storms I've had to weather. But I'll never be able to share this massive part of who I am with anyone because they would see you as a monster, and I just want you to be my brother.
