[ WP ] You ’ re a supervillain who really just enjoys ruining people 's days . Summon rain on people sitting in the park , waking people up at 3AM using your sonic booms while flying through the air , stuff like that . You ’ re on holiday when a real villain decides to take your city hostage ... You 're furious .

Harry Jensen was a man on vacation. He'd been working hard at what he loved, but even your hobby could eventually becoming tiring. It was n't exactly easy ruining the day of most everyone within the tri-state area. 
 
 He'd done it all. Oh, he never did anything *too* terrible, at least not enough to end up with his neck on a chopping block. Yes, he'd caused a certain wardrobe malfunction during a certain, very high-stakes, incredibly popular, highly anticipated football game. So maybe he'd locked up all phone lines in the metro area during lunch time. Yes, he'd caused a traffic jam exactly at 5 PM the day before Christmas. Yes, he'd inconvenienced thousands of people by redirecting a cable satellite with the help of some friends. Honestly, the city could consider his work a service, seeing as he kept the real heroes on their toes. Anyone who could n't handle him did n't deserve to look ridiculous in spandex and fight `` crime''. They did n't deserve to be working this city. 
 
 Because if he was honest, he loved the place. The city was his home, and the city had treated him like dog crap. He liked that. He liked that this city was willing to stand up, scream at the top of their millions of lungs, and get something done. He could almost say he was proud of that. 
 
 But honestly, there came a day where you needed to wipe clean that planner and head to the Florida Keys for some sun. 
 
 Harry Jensen swiped across his phone while lounging on the beach, looking up the city news, when his eyes cast over something that made his stomach drop and his sunglasses fall clear off his face. 
 
 `` You're *kidding*.'' 
 
 Simultaneously, five palm trees dropped exactly five coconuts on five unlucky waiters' heads as Harry Jensen stood up and tramped up the beach, prepared to unleash Hell. 
 
 A few hours later, he was walking with purpose down the halls of a stark, loveless building, not a soul daring to stop him. When at last he'd made it to the main branch manager's office, he burst through the door and walked past the dumbfounded secretary, who managed to break *both* her stiletto heels at that moment. Harry Jensen stood across from the prim woman behind a glass desk looking at her computer. She looked over her horn-rimmed glasses at him and asked, `` Yes? Do you have an appointment? Where's Brigitte?'' 
 
 `` What're you doing in my town?'' Harry asked, crossing his arms. 
 
 `` I'm not sure I understand,'' the woman said, adjusting her glasses. 
 
 `` You know exactly what I mean. The city ruled that they denied Comcast the merger with our local ISP. *What are you doing here? *'' 
 
 `` Oh. You apparently did n't get the news,'' the woman, a rather slick executive branch head named Ingrid Marks, stated with undue enthusiasm. `` The city reconsidered after your local ISP found they could n't handle the growing populace. We had a talk with their financers, and they... had redirected funds to some odd places.'' 
 
 Harry said a few family unfriendly words, to which Ingrid merely stared dryly. 
 
 `` Look, Mr. Jensen -- that is your name? Not that'Jinx' name, or whatever it is -- this is a legal venture. Vigilante stunts wo n't hold up here. If you're that upset about the merger, I suggest you talk to your local representative,'' Ingrid said, turning back to her computer. By this point, Brigitte had peeled off her heels and was ready to escort the diminutive Harry Jensen -- otherwise known as Jinx -- from the premises. 
 
 `` I can make your life hell, lady. I hope you know that,'' Harry threatened as he was gently lead out of the office. 
 
 `` Goodbye, Mr. Jensen,'' Ingrid said, waving as she clicked on something on her computer. 
 
 And so, days passed. The merger came and went. And Harry Jensen bode his time. His abilities, when used to their full potential against a city, were not spectacular given the metropolis' size. But against a single person... 
 
 A single person was much easier to handle. 
 
 And so, on a sunny Sunday, while he was sitting at home and having a beer, after having set off a major power grid failure in the lower East Side, there was a heavy and brutal knock on his door. He looked up lazily, switched off the television, and lumbered his way over. In his doorway, much to his delight, was Ingrid Marks, who looked like a cat trapped in a wolf's den for well over a month. 
 
 `` Hey there, Ing --'' 
 
 *'' Make it stop. `` * 
 
 `` Make what stop?'' 
 
 `` You know what I mean. *Make it stop. *'' 
 
 Harry shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 `` No clue what you're talking about.'' 
 
 Ingrid waved a shaking finger in his face, shaking her head at him. Her teeth chattered and her eyes darted from side to side. 
 
 `` You *know* what I'm talking about. My house is full of spiders. The plumbing is completely backed up and has been for a week. I ca n't sleep because there are now bedbugs everywhere in my apartment. The landlord had threatened to evict me unless I get it cleaned up. Every time I buy something, my card is denied because it'does n't match their interface', I have had my identity stolen *three times*, my car will not start, and there is a popcorn kernel that has been stuck in my mouth for *three weeks*. Mr. Jensen. *Make. It. Stop. * I will do whatever you want. I will give you any amount of money, I will do any sort of indecency, just please- please- please make this end,'' Ingrid ranted, pulling on her unwashed hair. 
 
 Harry leaned against the doorjamb of his tiny townhouse, his hands in his pockets, looking at this crumbling woman. 
 
 `` End the merger,'' he said simply. `` Get out of my town. I do n't care how long it takes ya. Cuz let me tell you, you can screw with the mayor, you can screw with the DA, you can screw my sister down on Elm Street, you can even go and take a big ol' dump on our beautiful Metro Monument for all I care -- but you do not screw with my internet.'' 
 
 Ingrid stared, struck dumb. 
 
 `` That could take months.'' 
 
 `` You ever hear about the African eye worm? Crazy how easy it is to get one. All it takes is a single deer fly. See, they bite you and you get this worm that migrates into your eyeball...'' 
 
 Ingrid's eyes widened from behind her unwashed glasses, and she quickly walked away from the apartment, looking over her shoulder and swatting at the air around her. Harry Jensen stared after her with a smile. 
 
 Oh, how he did this city a service.
