[ WP ] You 're a bomb defuser . Ranked number one , saving thousands of lives . Your trade secret ? You have no idea what you 're doing .

'I am the first of my kind'. I say that a lot you see. In my line of work they're always surprised then there is another option available at the last second. I am the worlds First, consulting bomb diffuser. 
 
 It was rather a surprise the first time, I was just passing time on Reddit when an unusual user interface popped up on my screen. It looked fun so I pressed some buttons. I got the hang of driving the robot pretty quickly and there was someone briefing me over a radio connection so I just followed the instructions. 
 
 `` Down the lane 50m. There's a hollow dug out around it. You should be able to see parts of the wiring.'' 
 
 Apparently it's unheard of to use the robot to deconstruct the bomb, it normally just blasts a jet of water in a'controlled explosion'. But I just thought it looked fun so used the arm to cut some wires. Red? Green? Yellow? It's all the same to me. I just ca n't resist yanking them if I have a chance. 
 
 When nothing happened I just pulled it apart until it was all in pieces, then I got bored and wandered off. They cut off my control of the machine and sent their thanks. It was really nice to be appreciated even though I did n't have a clue what I was doing, just to be told I'd done well made me want to do it again. 
 
 Naturally they found out that they had sent control of the robot to the wrong person. But I'd done such a good job that they kept using me. They got pissed off for a bit when I would n't speak to them, only type, but they got over that. We set up a bank account so they could pay me but I never make direct withdrawals. I funnel it around so it's untraceable before paying my landlord. 
 
 I've now diffused thousands of bombs. I'm officially considered the best. Makes me swell with pride when I think of that. I am on call for most of NATO's military and civilian bomb disposal squads. ISIS has been a nice spike in action if I must tell you the truth. Lots of praise for destroying some poorly put together devices. They tried to give me a medal for the most recent one, again! I've turned them all down in preference for keeping my anonymity. I've never knowingly met any of them face to face. I hide behind my computer and bask in their complimentary words. 
 
 In the end it's better this way, because on the internet no one knows you're a dog. 

