[ WP ] The narrator has short term memory loss

Once upon a time, there lived a knight who was determined to catch the eye of a fair princess. His name was... let's call him Billy. Say'hello,' Billy. 
 
 `` Hello, I'm Sir William.'' 
 
 Billy loved talking to himself, which made him look a bit silly around the other knights. Billy also loves to roll his eyes, and should really focus on the story. Now Billy decided that the best way to stand out from the other knights was to defeat a monster. It had to be large, and scary, and full of teeth, which would make the local Dentist quite sad at the lost revenue. Billy had the perfect idea - he would fight the villainous troll, Burtburt the Toboggan, who lived on a cold wispy mountaintop. 
 
 `` Brutus the Slayer, and he lives under the Colde Road Bridge.'' 
 
 Close enough, moving on. So Billy's horse donned his armor, and saddled him - 
 
 `` I donned *my* armor and then saddled my horse. The way you say it makes it sound like my horse put on my armor and saddled me.'' 
 
 Hey Billy, who is telling this story? That's right, start walking. It's going to be a nice long walk to the bridge so get a move on. 
 
 Billy traveled long and far, until he got the bridge. I say that so you know he was actually making decent time: if he traveled long but not far, then he's obviously traveling too slowly. Alternatively, if he's going short but far, I do n't even know what that means because it's confusing - what, does he have a rocket ship or something? Horses do n't work that way. So he got a bridge, is what I'm saying. 
 
 Under the bridge, he found the troll, and he tricked it somehow. Knights usually do n't win against a monster unless they trick it, because otherwise any old knight would just walk up and slay it. That would n't make for a very good story, so we're going with Billy tricking the troll. I do n't remember how exactly he does it, but it's *smart* and it works. Those are the best kind of tricks. Maybe I should call it a `` plan'', since `` trick'' has a bad connotation, huh? Anyways, he vanquished the dragon and all the people cheered for him. 
 
 `` I, Sir Robert, have vanquished the troll! You no longer have to live in fear!'' 
 
 The people clapped and cheered; also I think bridge stocks rose a bit that day. Not that it lasted, but my friend Marty made an absolute tobogganing. 
 
 `` Do you mean'slaying'?'' 
 
 No, tobogganing - sold the bridge stock and started a toboggan business. You're getting distracted Billy, we're almost at the best part in the story. 
 
 `` Sorry, let's continue.'' 
 
 So Billy galloped up to the castle where he was warmly received by the King, who gave him lots of money and knighted him. The end. 
 
 `` That's not the end: I was already a knight, and this story is about winning a princess as a bride.'' 
 
 You know, you're very *needy* for a knight. I did n't have half as many problems telling the tale of Burtburt the Great. 
 
 `` Then let me finish the tale. During the feast, the King pulled me aside and-'' 
 
 NAHNAHNAHNAHNAH. I'm the narrator and I can play electric guitar whenever I want. Particularly when there are boring bits to the story. So anyways, during the feast, the King pulled Billy aside and was like,'hey, want to marry my daughter?'. Billy said some grand whatever and boom - *Princess Bride*. Is that a good book or what? Kudos to Billy for writing it. 
 
 `` Wrong William - that's William Goldman.'' 
 
 Sorry, so William Goldman married the princess and Billy got run out of town for talking to himself, because people in those days were n't so keen on mental problems. The end. 
 
 `` Fucketh you.'' 
 
 *The actual end. *
