[ WP ] The Devil has decided to reveal his existence to humankind and he has chosen to do so on America 's Got Talent . How goes his first audition ?

`` Ladies and Gentlemen in the audience and at home!'' Nick Canon beamed, flashing a smile so white that even the best HD televisions could n't capture its true radiance, `` Our next guest is a real spirited performer who comes to us from...'' He affected his tone and finished in the exaggerated cadence of a camp fire ghost story teller. `` The depths... Of Hellllll!'' 
 
 The audience erupted, gleefully eager to witness the unique performer. 
 
 The room went dark. The audience hushed. On stage, a blazing yellow spotlight searched for a body in which to highlight. 
 
 Nothing. Emptiness. 
 
 Upbeat music pumped through the room, pulsating in an addictive rhythm, begging the show to begin. 
 
 The cameras panned across the sea of still smiling faces who continued to obey the bright `` Applause'' light even after their hands were tired and the music had begun to throb a little too deeply within their temples. 
 
 Nick Canon's smooth, exuberant face appeared beneath the spotlight and his reassuring smile sent a collective chuckle throughout the audience. `` Ladies and Gentlemen, it appears our next performer is having a little trouble with confidence! We'll be back after a short break to hear from our sponsors.'' 
 
 `` Goddamnit, Satan, you get your ass out there and give em hell!'' 
 
 Satan dropped his head and slouched his massive, muscular shoulders. `` You do n't have to use puns all the time.'' 
 
 Azazel hissed, `` This is a special circumstance! This is your big moment, and it deserves fiendishly good puns!'' 
 
 Satan smiled, both because he loved a good pun and he appreciated the effort from his wingman, Azazel. `` Listen, I know it's my fault I did n't check with you but I really thought Simon Cowel was on this show.'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry, I did n't know. He's on the X-Factor, an inferior show all the way around with he exception on Simon's acerbic wit and winning charm. Otherwise we would have booked you there! Only the best for the Mighty Serpent!'' 
 
 `` They at least have the Hoff? Right? And Sharon Osbourn? The Princess of darkness!'' Hope lit his sad, dark eyes. 
 
 Satan met eyes with the glorious Demon Azazel and he knew the truth as sure as he knew the fires of his kingdom. `` Awww. Shit, Azazel. Who do they have then? Not fucking Pierce Morgan?!'' 
 
 `` It's Piers, sir, and no, he's no longer on the show. It's all good, though. They have the Howie's, Mandel and Stern. They also have a supermodel and a pop star!'' 
 
 `` I do like Howie, not so much Howard though. He's kind of a dick. What supermodel, what pop star?'' Hope once again began to simmer within the defeated face of the King of Hades. 
 
 `` Does it matter, sir?'' 
 
 `` No.'' He sulked, `` Guess not.'' 
 
 `` They're all the same, but you. This is about you, and you are not the same as anything, anyone they've ever had on this show and ever will again! You are the real Prince of Darkness, commander of the Legions of Hell! Now buck up, get out there, and give them the best God damn magic show they've ever seen!'' He paused and added, `` A hell of a good show! 
 
 Satan felt reassured, his confidence boosted. In his mind, he comforted himself knowing Simon Cowel would watch his performance, eventually. That's the beauty of this connected world he'd helped build. `` Do my horns look alright?'' 
 
 `` Polished and sharpened sir; majestic, sinister!'' 
 
 `` Fuckin A?'' 
 
 Azazel grinned, looking majestic in his own right with a seven foot frame and silk cape flapping in the air conditioning. He felt as if he were about to send his only son off to college. He nodded, `` Fuckin A!'' 
 
 This was the moment, Satan thought, his confidence renewed. He would take the stage and his illusions would change the world. His poster would hang from the bedrooms of teenage girls, his image would mark the cover of magazines. Armageddon was finally within reach! He hugged Azazel and thanked him before grabbing his wand, and stepping out onto the stage. 
 
 About six hundred, forty five trillion miles and three and a half universes away, the residents of heaven tuned in. The residents of heaven held hands around the center big screen, nervous and yet filled with excitement. There was hope, for a moment, that the Mighty Devil had lost his nerve; the apocalypse averted due to a serendipitous case of stage fright. 
 
 But the commercial break ended and an impossibly charismatic red being stepped into view, whipping a bifurcated tail and holding a miniature pitchfork that was clearly a personalized wand. 
 
 Clever. Looks like they would need to fight the battle after all. 
 
 Satan opened his mouth beneath the hot lights and his tremendous fangs captured the world's attention. The show lasted seven and one third minutes, but the destruction it wrought would last forever. The end had begun with an Abra-cadabra and the Howie's resoundingly approved.
