[ WP ] One day , while petting your cat , you accidentally pull his tail , and it opens up . Inside , there 's a USB connector . You connect it to your laptop , an announcement pops up . -Cat Version : 1.0.0 . Update to 256.3 ?

The cat of course, shut down immediately upon the accidental discovery of its cat-USB. 
 
 Harry stared blankly at the now, for all intents and purposes, defunct orange feline standing in a petrified state 2.58 feet away from him. The tubby man sat there, tail in hand, eyes fixated on the now even less decent posterior of the cat, his mind feebly putting two and two together; eventually to equal `` cat''. 
 
 Pookums, in question was emitting a small beeping followed by a High pitched, middle aged woman saying `` Ti-850 has encountered a critical error. Please reconnect the power source, and hold down the reset button on the front of the device to reboot.'' 
 
 Harry could n't help but feel that he made a mistake in purchasing pookums, and was about to reconnect the power supply before an idea popped in his head. Why has n't anyone invented a solar powered egg beater? 
 
 Immediately after shooing that idea away, he opened a laptop, leaving Pookums to its own business; emitting a blue steam from its ears and, other places. 
 
 The USB clicked into the port, and a message shot on screen with a small, hummable fan-fare of 12-tone serialism. Harry thought it sounded like garbage. 
 
 `` Cat Version 1.0.0. Update to version 256.3?'' Out of habit, from the various pornographic websites he visited accosting him with frequent requests to meet hot women in his neighborhood, Harry pressed the `` yes'' button. 
 
 The loading bar filled up quickly enough, and a box with a cutesy logo appeared on screen. 
 
 **🐱** 
 > Update 256.3 Information. 
 - 
 -Added Existential self doubt. 
 
 > -Added Depressive Nihilism 
 
 > -Removed the Need for Oral Sustinence 
 
 > -Added'Bark' Feature 
 
 > -Extended Battery Life to 3.8 Trillion Years. 
 
 > -Anus now functions as a headphone jack to the built in MP3 player. 
 
 > -Cat can now search for a purpose. 
 
 > You may now remove the device from your computer, and plug into Cat Unit. Press the `` Nose'' for 9 seconds after plugging in, and enjoy your brand new Cat Unit; From Andromeda United & Co.! The Authentic Earth Experience™ 
 
 🐱🐱🐱 
 
 The little eyes of the cats stared back at Harry as he removed the device; the desktop of his computer now littered with various Andromeda United & Co. advertisements, such as `` Dog'', `` Silkworm'', and `` Toaster.'' He felt a pang of remorse as he reunited Pookums with its tail, but he figured it was too late to do anything else. 
 
 9 seconds passed, and the cat stared at him with a dreadful confusion in its eyes, before walking off to a corner of the room, `` Careless Whisper'' playing softly from its ears. It stayed like that for three days, until it disappeared and was eventually found in the public library, asleep, surrounded by Nietszche, and Camus's essay on Sisyphus.
