[ WP ] You are a cat and your home is being burglarized . Do everything you must to foil their plans and alert your owner .

I hear something. 
 
 I'm sleeping lightly. It is my job to be the watcher; my Man is asleep on my sleeping box; I only use it when he is the Watcher, and I can rest. 
 
 I have to Watch. It's important. The usually stupid, but sometimes surprisingly interesting female is under the other sleeping box with her little... things. I first thought they were the little squeakers, but the stupid female was watching me from on top of the other sleeping box; when I went to pounce... 
 
 Well, she let me know that they were HER little things. They look like little ME. And smell good. They climb on me when the stupid female goes to eat or to the dirt. I think I like them. 
 
 The little Man is here sleeping also. It must be asleep, None of the Mans Noise or Light boxes are doing anything. If I need to go outside, though, I will wake it up; the Man tries to stop me. 
 
 There it is again. I'm a little disappointed, and a little relieved, the ground is n't shaking like it did when the big squeaker came; this feels like The Man or The Woman. 
 
 I must see. I go from my napping pad towards the hallway, slowly, with my fur brushing the ground and my whiskers and ears and nose and ME trying to understand what it is. I see lights, like the hunting and pouncing teacher the Man has used to improve my skills, but the wrong color. 
 This is wrong. It is a man, but not one of the ones I have allowed in my home, nor is it the one the Man will not let me run off even though he smells bad. This is a new man. 
 
 I think. I could wake up the Man; this might be a man thing, not a ME thing. The Man has gotten mad and loud and sometimes quiet and sad when I do things with man things, in the past. I need to see if this is a man thing. 
 I go into the noise and light box room. The new man wo n't see me, I'm the same color as the shadows to man eyes, and they ca n't smell anything unless it's so strong it nearly makes you sick. I'm still hoping ( and a little scared ) this might be a ME thing; when the Big Squeaker came in through the hole under the big water dish and I killed it, The Man, The Woman, all the ones I allow to come here acknowledged that I am a Fully grown Warrior ( in man sounds, but I could tell ) and I had the round soft food and the little crunchy food that smells so amazing and new hunting training tools and the Womans face got all wet and... 
 
 I am not being a good Watcher. This is a man thing. I walk into the better lighted part of the ground and tell the man that I am going to get the Man, and turn to walk towards my sleeping box. 
 I hear something, I turn to look and see the new man doing the funny fast falling thing they do when they try to run, and he is holding a STICK. I do n't like STICKS. When I was outside a little woman hit me with a STICK and it hurt me for a long time. And he is going to where the Man is. And the little ME things. And the little Man. 
 I am afraid, like when I was little, for just a second. 
 Then, I remember; I am not little. I am almost 3 times the size of the stupid female. I killed the Big Squeaker with the funny tail. I am the Watcher. 
 
 I give my Loudest War-Cry, but do not wait to see if it works; I do what I did to the Man who smells bad when I was little, and climb his leg from the side, then climb his back, not just using the points of my claws like when I train or play with the Man, but all the length ( which was enough to go all the way through the body of a little squeaker last week ). I am using my battle drone while I do this. 
 
 The new man is making a lot of noise and moving around and hits at me with the STICK; he hits himself first then me on the paw. This makes me mad and I start to bite. I hear the stupid female starting to give her War-Cry from the way to where the little ME things are, which makes me madder. 
 Then, I hear the Man making a loud noise, I'm not sure what it is, but this is a ME thing now, I continue to climb and bite. 
 
 I focus on doing my best, and realize after a while that the Man is talking to me in a quiet voice; the new man is not moving. I hear the sound that means I am to get the little crunchy food that smells so amazing, and walk to the kitchen to wait. The Man does some strange man things for minute, but I do n't remind him he made the sound. In a little while he gives me a FULL BOWL of the little crunchy food that smells so amazing! My paw hurts, but I will heal. I am a Warrior. 
 
 “ Alright sir, we've got it under control, thank you for your statement ” says the officer as he's getting ready to walk off the front porch. “ What type of cat IS that, anyway? We had to take him to the ER ” he asks, then with a smile “ it IS just a cat, right? ” 
 
 “ Yeah, just a cat, but he's a Chartreux; he weighs about 20 pounds, or a little more, and his claws are about ¾ of an inch; they are n't really like regular cats. I had some storm damage during the Tornado a few weeks back, and did n't realize there was a new opening under the bathtub; a opossum got in that way a few days ago that was bigger than him and he killed it in about 10 seconds ” the Man answered, then continued “ I'll have a kitten to spare in a few weeks, if your interested... and if my little Warrior likes you ”. 
 
 My Very First Ever Story.
