[ WP ] War has been raging for years upon years now . You are a reporter embedded in a famous military unit among your newest allies in this war , humanity .

`` Really? could n't I do a story on something slightly more interesting? Like how to chug a glass of space-milk really fast?'' I said with an sarcastically desperate tone. 
 `` I do n't know what your problem with your assignment is, the Millennium Falco regiment is a very prestigious calvary,'' my boss responded, feigning ignorance to my purpose of objection. 
 `` Which is why it's so confusing why the humans get to part of it, you realize it took them three million years to get to the moon.. right?'' 
 He looked down at his folded hands, `` Erhm, three and a half million, the first one was fake.'' I rolled my eyes and left the assignment room. What a joke, I always got stuck with the comedic stories, which is not what you want when you're trying to have a serious career. 
 
 Yet soon I found myself with a camera crew following me around inside the military base of the United Mankind Federation Unto Cosmic Kindred. I guess I should interview one or something.. 
 `` Hey bro.. want to be famous?'' i said to one of the humans who seemed to be giving the most orders and had the most shinie's on his chest. He looked at me with a face of stone, before walking into my personal bubble and half salivating half speaking into my face barked, `` IF IT WERE UP TO ME YOUR DEMON ASS WOULD BE GETTING DISSECTED INSTEAD OF WASTING FROGS, IF YOU INTERRUPT MY OPERATION IN THE SLIGHTEST I WILL NOT HESITATE TO SEND YOU BACK TO HELL'' as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at my forehead, before putting it away, puffing out his chest and bolting away. 
 Slightly amused, i turned to the camera crew, giving me a thumbs up that they had captured the footage. This was good shit in a galaxy-geographic sort of way. 
 `` Sir yes sir, I apologize for my incompetence.'' He stopped walking and turned to me and gave a slight nod before i continued, `` Please forgive my insolence, would you like to take the time to be interviewed to enlighten your allies and remove similar ignorances from their minds?'' I turned around towards my camera crew, trying not to burst out laughing. 
 `` Make it quick.'' 
 `` Of course sir, just come stand next to me... over here actually, i want to get one your tank things in the background.'' The man walked over to me and suddenly got awkward once he was in front of the camera. This was going to be good. 
 `` Galactic News Daily here with leading commander of the U.M.F.U.C.K. coalition and our newest allies in the war for cosmic Dominance. Commander would you care to introduce your race?'' Usually I would do the introductions, but judging from his sweaty nervous demeanor I wanted him to do as much talking as possible. 
 `` Commander Howard here on behalf of the human race.. we are from Earth, our sun is the sun, Erhm i mean our star is the sun.'' 
 Egocentric little beings, i thought to myself, `` Ah earth!'' I said, continuing in my usual charismatic manor, `` Home of such wonders as the pyramids and stonehenge! For our uninformed viewers, would you explain these phenomena to them?'' 
 `` Uh, okay.. Sure.. THe pyramids are these.. pyramids... made of rocks from before we were really recording what was going on, so nobody really knows how they were made.. some people think yall did it. Stonehenge are these heavy rocks stacked on top of each other that we do n't know who did it or why... but we think maybe you guys did that to.'' I was biting my cheeks trying not to laugh. `` Earth! Truly a place of unbridled wonder! Two separate mysterious piles of rocks, baffling modern day earthlings to no end!'' I could n't let my trolling be to obvious. `` So Commander, what do you think humanity has to offer in terms of military prowess, a way to draw fire away from more adept military legions perhaps?'' The command puffed up his chest and spoke now with renewed vigor, `` We have stockpiled enough nuclear devices to blow up our planet over a thousand times, the hippies were always saying why have more than enough to blow it up once? Now we know. With our nuclear devices, ancient battle tactics and always evolving space-programs we hope to provide the necessary edge to finally end this war!'' Nuclear technology? Really? Did nobody do any research before letting these monkeys onboard? I was now slightly concerned and decided to get more genuine `` While we appreciate the contribution of nuclear devices, surely you are aware that they were rendered obsolete with the development of quantum forcefields and the harnessing of dark energy into more powerful bombs? Which were in turn rendered obsolete by the psionic capabilities evident in evolved lifeforms?'' I turned to the tank, extended my arm and made a fist as it crunched into a hovering ball a few feet off the ground, before dropping to the ground with a thunderous thud as i turned back to the interview. The commander stared at the balled up tank with a dropped jaw. Something was really weird here... I knew the humans were a bit primitive but I had no idea they were this basic... and by the look on the commanders face it seems nobody had told him.. So why put him in such a prestigious military unit? My earlier coy comment about drawing fire away seemed to suddenly make perfect sense.. Of course.. put a useless military regiment in the most prestigious unit to make the enemy overvalue their contribution... 
 
 Enemies were appearing all around us, phasing in from some higher spatial-dimension. They were everywhere, freezing humans left and right with their mental intention, just as one of our allied motherships phased into existence over the base. I knew it was n't here to rescue us. A beam of light shot from the bottom of the ship and vaporized everything below it. 
 
 P.S. I do n't know how to format
