[ WP ] At a Chinese restaurant , your character opens his/her fortune cookie and reads the following message : `` Your life is in danger . Say nothing to anyone . You must leave the city immediately and never return . Repeat : say nothing . ''

`` Damn this is some good shit,'' Greg mumbled behind a mouthful of fried rice. He reached for the hot sauce and lathered a generous squirt onto his plate until the bottle puttered in exhaustion. He wiped his forehead with the elbow of his shirt. 
 
 `` Whew,'' he grunted shaking his head in satisfaction. `` I got ta pick me up a bottle of this stuff over at Ingles sometime soon. They carry this stuff at Ingles?'' he asked the waiter. 
 
 `` Yes, sauce is very nice. Spicy every time,'' the waiter nodded in agreement. The waiter despised Greg, with his thick Mississippi accent and sagging gut, but Greg was the only customer during the Thursday buffet - and that meant tip money. 
 
 `` Alright buddy, I'm getting outta here,'' he said waving his finger in the air. `` Bring over one of them fortune cookies and then I'm hitting the road.'' 
 
 The waiter dipped behind the curtain while Greg took out his phone and called his wife. `` Sheila,'' he said softly, `` Sheila hun, you at the grocery store right now?'' A pause. `` Well next time you're at Ingles can you pick me up a bottle of this hot sauce called Emperor's Secret?'' Another pause. `` No I do n't have a damn coupon.'' 
 
 The waiter approached the table and placed the fortune cookie and bill in front of Greg. In one swift motion, Greg pulled a $ 20 bill out of his front pocket, placed it on the tray and flicked his wrist at the waiter as if to say `` move along.'' 
 
 `` Do you like to-go box?'' asked the waiter. 
 
 `` Do n't need one,'' he said impatiently to the waiter. His attention turned back to the phone call. `` No honey, I'm not talking to you.'' A pause. `` I'm talking to Ching-Chong over here. I'll be home soon.'' 
 
 Rather than scooting his chair away from the table, Greg's arms pushed the table away from his chair. He waddled out of the restaurant, unwrapping the fortune cookie as he walked. He unlocked his'92 Camry and slowly stepped into the car, one foot at a time. Before starting the car, he cracked the fortune cookie and watched the crumbly contents sprinkle across his belly. He shoved the sugary pieces into his mouth in one handful, licked his finger, and picked up some of the crumbs on his shirt. 
 
 `` Your life is in danger?'' he mumbled under the hum of the engine. 
 
 Inside the restaurant, the waiter was cleaning the plates from Greg's table. A deafening screech of burning rubber filled the air and a'92 Camry was hightailing it out of the parking lot. 
 
 Frantically, Greg reached to pull the cell phone out of his pocket, leaning forward over the wheel so that his body could pull off the maneuver. Hardly looking at the road in front of him, Greg dialed his wife's number. 
 
 `` Sheila, pack your shit. We got ta get outta here.'' A pause. `` No that ai n't happening again. I do n't know what the hell happened. That damn waiter put some kind of Chinese voodoo in my fortune cookie and oh shi-'' 
 
 A car horn blared past Greg's car. 
 
 `` Uh course I'm alright,'' he said into the phone. `` Drivers'round here just do n't know what the hell they're doing. Just listen to me, pack your...'' He listened. `` No I'm telling you what to do, Sheila. Pack your shit and I'll be there in five mintues.'' He threw his cell phone into the passenger seat and tore down the highway. 
 
 _______ 
 
 When rescue teams recovered the vehicle, the'92 Camry was nothing but a mangled heap of metal. Greg's body, or the gelatinous parts that remained, was placed onto a stretcher and whizzed away to a hospital so that he could officially be pronounced dead. His wife sat hysterically on the side of the road, pleading with the emergency responders. 
 
 `` Fella must'a been going over'n 80 miles an hour when he hydroplaned over'n that puddle,'' one of the emergency workers said to another. `` Poor fella must'a been drunk or somethin'. Seems like every week we got ta another damn junkie wreakin' havoc in these parts.'' 
 
 The emergency workers moved towards the vehicle and latched on a complicated series of hooks and latches to pull the wreckage from the side of the highway. As the emergency worker was finishing up, he reached through the now-shattered window of the car and and pulled a crumbled sheet of paper from the ashtray. 
 
 `` Emperor's Secret, you ever heard'a that hot sauce,'' he said to the other responder, looking down at the tiny sheet of paper below. 
 
 `` Is that the one with the commercials that say'Your life is in danger... never return, yada yada Emperor's Secret.''' 
 
 `` Damn straight it is,'' he responded to the other worker. `` People says they found the recipe in an ol' Japanese temple or somethin'. That's why it's so spicy. Now they got a whole section in Ingles filled with this shit. Emperor's Secret Chicken. Emperor's Secret fortune cookies. Emperor's Secret everything.'' 
 
 `` I do n't even like Chinese food,'' said the other emergency worker as he threw a strap over his shoulder and walked back towards the crew. 
 
 `` Well'n any sense, this poor fella had a twenty-five percent off coupon sitting in the cup holder.'' He looked down at the tiny sheet of paper in his hand. 
 
 *Your life is in danger! Say nothing to anyone! You must leave the city immediately and never return. * He flipped the paper over. *Receive 25 % off your next purchase of any Emperor's Secret product. *
