[ WP ] A scene in the UN after North Korea is conquered by an unexpected country .

Inside the Security Council chamber, the Angolan continued to speak at length over the issue at hand: the Security Council was debating another resolution over what to do in Syria, inching their way towards a solution. While the other members were listening to what the speaker was saying, the American's phone buzzed. A message from the State Department. `` URGENT. ANOMALOUS EVENT IN NK. PUBLIC.'' said the notification. Not long after that, the phones of the other representatives began to buzz as well, presumably their counterparts informing them of the same thing. The same look of dread on the faces of the Russian, the Chinese, the French, all of them. North Korea and breaking news never go well together. 
 
 The Japanese put up his hand. `` Excuse me, but I believe we have an important event developing. Motion to put aside the issue at hand and turn on a television?'' A unanimous show of hands. While the assembled journalists were tweeting about the confusion in the room, some UN staff managed to bring in a television and turn it on. 
 
 It would n't matter what channel the TV was showing, they all were playing variations on the same thing. Some unknown party has invaded North Korea, sidestepped their military and is currently occupying Pyongyang. Each media outlet had their own flavor of speculation. CCTV thought the South did it. RT thought the Americans did it. CNN thought China did it. Even though they were supposed to be thoughtful elder statesmen, the delegates at the UNSC did n't refrain from speculating either. 
 
 `` So, I do n't think any one of us has a perfect idea as to what's going on over in North Korea,'' said the British. `` Frankly, our chaps have n't a clue who could do this.'' `` Russians are not aggressors. We had no hand in this,'' said the Russian, saying that phrase in full honesty for probably the first time. `` Why do we have a difficulty believing you?'' retorted the Ukrainian. The Russian shrugged. `` Do not consider us,'' added the Chinese. Some talking heads continued to chatter in the background, while security gently shooed out the journalists in this now closed-door meeting. `` This can not be the South's doing. Our sp -- uh, reconnaissance satellites show their army in exactly the same place it was yesterday. Oh, and before you ask, this was n't us, either,'' said the American, obsessively checking her phone for the latest updates. Her people, the State Department, the CIA, they were all as stumped as the rest of the world. 
 
 Suddenly, the continual droning of the TV commentators cut out, and was replaced by flashy breaking news graphics. Whoever was in charge of this operation to invade North Korea has decided to take to the airwaves and release a message, live from North Korea. 
 
 Every single television network was showing a thin man in a ski mask and dark green fatigues standing in what looked like a basement somewhere. A short fringe of hair peeked out from under the ski mask. A makeshift podium was in front of him, with some scraps of paper making a speech. For a video filmed in a North Korean basement, the subtitles popping up were unexpected. `` Bonjour. Nous avons conquis la Corée du Nord au nom de la liberté et de la démocratie.'' The French's heart sank. How could his government invade North Korea? *Why* would his government invade North Korea? What could they possibly get out of it? The man on screen began to speak, English this time. `` Good afternoon.'' The French felt a little better, while the American and the British started to panic a little. `` We have conquered North Korea in the name of liberty and democracy.'' `` Why is this film in English and French?'' asked the Senegalese. The thought clicked in the American's head. `` Oh shit.'' 
 
 `` For too long, the world has pointed at us and laughed. But I stand before you here today not as a weakling, but as the man who defeated one of the largest armies in the world without firing a shot. And, while the Americans and the Chinese were panicking over their guns and tanks, we gave them bread and they let us just waltz right in here! That's right, America, try being nice for once!'' The American buried her head in her hands from sheer embarrassment. `` How could we not notice this?'' The other delegates were transfixed on the man in the ski mask. 
 
 `` Now, some may say,'why did you invade North Korea?', but the answer is obvious. It's 2016, not 1984. You've seen how these people live. The happiest North Koreans right now are the soldiers who gave up their guns and are munching on food upstairs. But we had another motive. We take care of our people, and this country had the audacity to imprison and torture one of our people. And I can safely say that their former prisoner is on a plane back home, safe and sound.'' 
 
 `` I like this guy,'' said the New Zealander. `` America, you appear like you know something that we do not,'' added the Malaysian. Still with her head in her hands, the American replied, `` Just... just keep watching.'' 
 
 `` When we asked them to give our citizen back, they called us reckless, they called us uncouth, all sorts of nasty words. I guess they're right. Maybe it is reckless to bring this guy to justice!'' As he said that, someone from off camera rolled in a chair, with someone large and with a bag on his head tied to it. Ski mask man pulled off the bag to reveal none other than a bawling Kim Jong-Un. 
 
 `` Holy shit!'' said the delegates, all together. `` Yes, this former'Dear Leader' is now going to go to prison for a very long time. And you know who to thank. But before I go, let me just tell you something.'' The man ripped off his ski mask to reveal a voluminous pile of hair. `` You mess with the moose, you get the horns.''
