[ WP ] Afterwards , I lived .

NSFW - Graphic Content 
 
 Hey fuckfaces, comment'shitpost' if you are reading what I'm writing while dropping a juicy deuce in the office pool. Afterwards, I lived. Are you scrubbing my balls with a wire brush coated in grape jelly and Icy Hot with that bullshit? Zero effort from the OP. By the way, do you wash your hands before or after you pull your pants up after you take a shit? 
 
 
 `` Good evening ladies and gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of 30,000 feet and the seatbelt signs are off. On behalf of BS Airlines, we would like to thank you for flying with us from New York to London.'' 
 
 In the economy section, a bearded man connects an electric razor to a smartphone, opens taffy from it's prepackaged plastic candy wrapper and mushes the taffy around the electric razor. 
 
 Do n't you dare leave a comment about that taffy! Elephant orgy on a waterslide, do I have to explain everything to you guys? It's like explaining to grandma why bukake is a terrible name for a baby. The taffy was mixed with a low grade explosive to get past the snitch dogs. Hm, Bukake West. 
 
 `` Allah Ackbar,'' the camel toe licker screamed. He stood up, opened the emergency hatch, was sucked out the door and exploded into a Death Star explosion - A New Hope, not Star Trek: Into Darkness - sphere of red, misty blood. 
 
 Unfortunately for the passengers, sheep travel in herds. Well, they are up there and I'm down here. How will I ever get up there? 
 
 `` Bodyslide to Ryan Reynolds bathroom.'' 
 
 Dolph Lundgren, that's who. Oh, and yes, I'm writing this story on my smartphone while sharting out greasy bits of corn, beans, beef carnitas, raspberry vodka and your mother's muffins. 
 
 `` Hey Dolph, can I get one of those?'' 
 
 `` No. Bodyslide to BS Airlines Flight 172.'' 
 
 `` Good luck Wade. Bodyslide to HQ.'' 
 
 `` Maybe next time we bodyslide you could use some lube and kiss me gently on my ear!'' 
 
 The Gaurdians of the Gaza had already kicked in the pilot's door and murdered them. Though, it looks like someone in the cabin must have had a gun because two are dead and one of them is bleeding out while some dildo is trying to be a humanitarian and save them. And now the plane is making a huge u-turn to New York. Maximum effort! 
 
 Deadpool runs up to the bleeding terrorists where an elderly gentleman is trying to save his life. 
 
 `` Do you think he's going to make it doc?'' 
 
 `` Maybe, but we must stop the bleeding.'' 
 
 Deadpool pulls out his pistol and blows the man's head off. `` He'll stop bleeding after all the blood is out of him.'' 
 
 The pilot door bursts open and goat cuddler shoots Deadpoll... a couple of times. 
 
 Hey look everybody! We made it to the prompt title! 
 
 `` And Jesus rises from the dead!'' 
 
 Deadpool pulls out his sword, jumps off of the doctors head into a spin and he cuts the terrorist's dick off. 
 
 `` Oy Vey!'' 
 
 The terrorist reaches for the gun that he dropped but Deadpool gives him a sharp inspection of his pointy sword. 
 
 Meanwhile, the plane has began to nosedive and it's up to Deadpool to land the plane. 
 
 Or, you know, I could just stare at the tits on this flight attendant for a while longer. 
 
 `` William Wade, I will guide you on how to land the plane.'' 
 
 `` Patrick Fucking Stewart, get that sexy voice out of my head and into my bed!'' 
 

