[ WP ] You 're the captain of the starship that follows the U.S.S . Enterprise around to keep it lit up in interstellar space . Write a Captain 's Log .

`` Captain's log: Supplemental.'' 
 
 `` I'm beginning to think that Picard is doing these things just to piss me off. Just because our ship is equipped with a massive lighting system, it does n't give the asshole carte fucking blanche to deliberately try to get into situations in order to make my life difficult.'' 
 
 `` I know it seems like I'm over-reacting, but I'm not. Take last week for example.'' 
 
 `` He's chasing down a bunch of Maquis terrorists. Simple enough, right? Should n't be a giant operatic production, right? But dickhead there chases them around for *two fucking days*, always giving them a chance at the'last moment' to escape. As if that tiny little fighter could outrun the Federation fucking flagship. Honestly!!! I swear, I think he likes playing cat and mouse and torturing them, sick bastard.'' 
 
 `` Anyhow, so I'm trying to keep up with him, and barely doing it, because I have to divert all the FUCKING warp power to the goddamned lighting array so he can have his all-important glamour lights. And was does the cock-muncher do? HE CHASES THE MAQUIS SHIP STRAIGHT INTO A NEBULA.'' 
 
 ( An exasperated sigh is heard over the holo-tape ) 
 
 `` Have you ever tried to illuminate a ship inside a gas nebula? It's a fucking nightmare. When you're not worrying about the light drop off ( thank you very much, inverse square law, you bastard ), you're worrying if a plasma trail will be ignited by the superheated lighting elements on your hull. It's no party, let me tell you.'' 
 
 `` I'm knee-deep in that shit for THREE DAYS before he finally gets bored and captures them. Thank the assorted gods.'' 
 
 `` And now, a week later, he's doing some sort of experiment next to a black hole. As if life was n't miserable enough trying to light up that giant coaster attached to two glowing penises, now I have to figure out a way to do it without the black hole sucking all the light in.'' 
 
 ( A beeping sound is heard, followed by some muted conversation. ) 
 
 `` Gon na have to finish this up later. Evidently, Captain Fucktard is breaking orbit to go deal with some square-shaped ship. Hopefully it does n't take too long.'' 
 
 `` Computer, save log entry.''
