[ IP ] Tower of Oblivion

`` I mean, it'll cost you.'' 
 
 **'' What do you mean... cost? `` ** 
 
 `` Well, you're all the way out in the middle of nowhere, and you want me to replumb the entire place, from scratch, using new materials. Not only is this place huge, but it's at least two hundred miles to the nearest wholesalers. It's going to be a few vanfulls over several days, then weeks of work, and the labour charge on that is going to be expensive.'' 
 
 **'' But I am the Dark Overlord. I pay for nothing! `` ** 
 
 `` I can see why you'd think that, but what're you going to do? Kill me and my family if I do n't do the work? If you do n't pay me it works out the same! They'll starve to death while I'm out here working.'' 
 
 **'' What if... I feed your family? `` ** 
 
 `` That's all well and good, but when the work's finished, I'm going to be massively in debt due to the cost of the materials, and I still ca n't feed my family then either, so they just stave to death a bit later.'' 
 
 **'' Well... what if I feed them for a year? `` ** 
 
 `` Okay, Mr Monicoverlord, loo-'' 
 
 **'' Please call me Denzel. `` ** 
 
 `` Oh? Well, thankyou, I will. Denzel, you're looking at feeding my family for a year, and that's great. But my house will be repossessed if you're just feeding us. We've got a mortgage, y'know. And if it was n't the mortgage, we'd have a healthcare emergency that we could n't afford to pay for. You could offer all of these things, but paying me in money would allow me to choose what we're spending things on, so you do n't have to concentrate on issues as they arise.'' 
 
 **'' Well. I do n't have money. I have... gold? `` ** 
 
 `` I'm sure I can work out a quotation based on that, but it's still going to cost a lot. I mean, I can scale back the scope of the works if you're price-consci-'' 
 
 **'' No, no, I ca n't. It's not me, you see. It's my wife. She's upset with me because I've said I'd have heated water on the top floor for the last two centuries. She ca n't understand that it's easy to get the hot water into the dungeon in the basement because of the geothermal vent, but I've never been able to get anyone to plumb the water up to the top of the tower. `` ** 
 
 `` Is that because you have n't offered to pay them?'' 
 
 **'' Well. No. Maybe. I dismembered them and ate their families when they refused to help. `` ** 
 
 `` Ah. Which is why I'm now the only plumber within four hundred miles.'' 
 
 **'' I... could n't possibly comment'' ** 
 
 `` Okay. Well. Business has been good recently - and it seems I have you to thank for it. So what do you say I do you a deal and knock ten percent off my usual rates?'' 
 
 **'' I think that this... could be acceptable. `` ** 
 
 `` Good. I'm glad we had this talk. Now, let's start working out where to put in a bath for that lovely wife of yours, shall we?'' 
 
 **'' Is that going to cost more? `` ** 
 
 `` In the long run, it'll save your sanity. And possibly your limbs, if your wife's reputation is accurate...'' 
 
 **'' Where do I sign? `` **
