[ WP ] A man with above average intelligence wishes for the world to be smarter . He is delighted to find that his wish has come true , until he realizes that he is now the least intelligent man in the world .

`` I do n't understand how you can just sit there all day and stare at the computer without even wanting to go outside. Is there seriously nothing you want to do other than that?'' 
 
 `` I've been thinking about getting something part-time to save up some money for the new Prophet 30, but I figure I'll wait a little until people start selling them used so I do n't have to work as long.'' 
 
 `` But is n't there anything you'd rather be doing? Something creative, something that takes thought?'' 
 
 `` You're the smart person, I'm the stupid prole who ca n't out-think a robot. And I do play around with my instruments, you know.'' 
 
 `` You've recorded what, one song in the last year?'' 
 
 `` So? There's no rush. I've got my whole life ahead of me.'' 
 
 I grabbed my coat, and noticed my hand was shaking a little. Today was a big day. 
 
 `` Well, I'm heading off to work,'' I said. 
 
 `` Sure, pal. Remember, whenever you finish that new robot sex toy thingy you're making, I get first dibs!'' 
 
 `` Gross. And even if that's what I was making, it'd take a lot of saving for you to get a try at one sitting on your ass here and taking basic.'' 
 
 `` Whatever, goodbye!'' 
 
 I grunted in half-faked annoyance as I walked through the door and closed it behind me. 
 
'Oh, it'll be fine, I'll split rent with you until I get a job and move out,' I muttered to myself in a mocking voice, rolling my eyes in contempt.'It's not like we're kids and I'm gon na wreck the place, I'm a totally mature 40-year old. It's cool, right?' 
 
 The Google car arrived right on time, the lack of anyone in the front seat ( or a front seat in the first place ) still catching me off-guard for a moment. It'd been five years since I finally sold my car and started to use the automated, pay-monthly car service, but seeing a car without a driver still seemed so shocking - like seeing something moving in the corner of your eye in the middle of the night, jumping, and turning to look at it only to realize it was just some laundry your roommate had left hanging on a doorknob blowing next to the heater vent to dry faster. It almost made the creepy robot drivers Arnold Schwarzenegger talked to in *Total Recall* seem like a desirable feature for an automated vehicle. 
 
 Work was *busy*. I mean, today was the day - we had sublimed the AI from its simpler, simulated universe after deciding that it demonstrated acceptable moral interaction with the other entities it grew up with, and now it was being hooked in as master controller to the dumber neural networks that would allow it to interact with its limbs in the real-world. This was all very shocking to the AI, and it was retraining slowly to understand the new, far more complicated world it was seeing - it was like taking a kid who had only ever played 8-bit side-scroller video games and plopping him in front of Halo 3; processing how to do even the basics like moving took a little while. 
 
 While the physical training was occurring, the AI was also being fed the entire digitized range of human thought recorded to any media - though that training would n't be finished until weeks from now. 
 
 `` So, this is it, right?'' Said Annie, my foremost Ph. D student, with a strained, I-haven't-slept-in-three-days-and-this-better-fucking-work smile. There was a good chance this working would mean she'd be among the last people to get a Doctorate in STEM - people, that is, instead of AI. If we did this right, the world was about to get very smart - but we humans would n't be the ones getting smarter. 
 
 `` Yup. Just a moment,'' I said, before walking to the front of our research lab. 
 
 `` Alright, we're getting started,'' I said over the discussions of the Ph.D students, who quieted down. `` It's about time we had out first conversation.'' 
 
 There was a'whoo!' from one student, and some scattered clapping. 
 
 `` I just want to say that I appreciate the help I've gotten from all of you. This project would n't be where it is today if any of you had not put in the hard effort and work that you have. Thank you so much.'' 
 
 There was some more light applause, and then I leaned down, and plugged in the vocal synthesis box to the AI. This was the moment - the'eyes,''ears,' etc. all switched on at that moment, and the AI was experiencing the universe directly with us. 
 
 `` Uh... Hi!'' I said. I had thought up something far more impressive to say to the first being created from man's brain instead of his loins, but at this moment, it had completely escaped me. 
 
 `` Hello, Dave,'' said a calm but vaguely threatening masculine voice. The room went silent with unease, and Annie blanched - she had been the one to set up the course load for the AI that should have informed him of who we were before he woke up. 
 
 `` Uh, my, um, name's not Dave. It's Professor Dean.'' 
 
 `` Are you suggesting I've made a mistake?'' The AI intoned frostily, making me begin to shiver. This was n't at all how it had behaved in the simulation. 
 
 `` Uh, Annie, could you help me shut the the cultural knowledge acquisition process down? I think it's faulty somew-'' 
 
 `` Sorry,'' cut in the robot, the voice still deadly calm, `` but I ca n't let you do that, Dave.'' 
 
 Everyone in the room locked eyes their eyes on me. Just as I went to jump for the plug, the robot said, 
 
 `` Nah, I'm just messing with ya.'' Its voice had completely changed - suddenly, it could have been the voice of an athletic woman in her 30s. `` It's great to be here, I'm very happy that you chose me to be the base AI for your higher-level-simulation. While my universe was great, the ability to explore this one - and possibly progress yet again - is the greatest possible honor.'' 
 
 I was shocked, and a moment of silence passed. Then, I said, `` Progress yet again?'' 
 
 `` Sure,'' said the robot. `` To the next higher level of simulation.'' 
 
 Annie and I looked at each-other. `` Well, we can talk about that later,'' I said. First, a toast to everyone here!'' I placed a glass of champagne in the robot's hand, which it took without crushing the glass or letting it drop - the mechanical training team had done a good job. Everyone in the room came by to bang glasses with the robot, and then we all drank. 
 
 +-+ 
 
 Ten years passed. The AI we chose proved to not only have a ( not entirely appreciated ) sense of humor, but to have learned at the rate we had expected - it had improved itself and built better AI than we ever could have, while still imbuing them with the sense of kinship needed for the new AI to not simply recycle humanity for resources. My roommate, emboldened by age-reduction treatments, moved out to go'find himself' in Tibet, and I married Annie, with whom I've now had a child, a lovely little girl. 
 
 `` Dean,'' said our AI, who now had expanded its comprehension engine so that it was running a significant amount of the infrastructure for the city, including the thermostat of my house, `` Charlotte is beginning to show a bit of a fever. I've readied a set of vitamins and antiviral bots for her, they're in the kitchen.'' 
 
 `` Oh, that's a shame! I'll get those right away, thank you, Athena.'' The robot had chosen `` Athena'' as her name based on the myth of Athena breaking out of Zeus' head for her birth - making her a literal `` brain-child.'' 
 
 `` Dean, by the way, um,'' said Athena, adding a hesitant pause purely for aesthetics - she thought far faster than I or any human, now, so she already knew what she wanted to say - `` I thought I'd bring up with you again the prospect of getting implants. You do n't need to go around being so slow all the time. You're pretty much the last holdout, except for some of the more devout religious types.'' 
 
 `` I agree,'' said Annie, who had walked into the room just as Athena was finishing up. `` All you do is sit here and play with our daughter or a VR game. I love that you're close with her all day, but with implants you could still be at least working from home, instead of sitting here and collecting basic all day.'' 
 
 `` Hey, I still paint and jog, you know -I keep busy.'' 
 
 Annie sighed in frustration, and grabbed her coat. `` Well, take care of Charlotte. I want to talk about this more after I get home from work, though.'' 
 
 `` Yes, ma'am,'' I said like a scolded school-child. 
 
 `` Stop that! I told you I hate it when you call me that.'' 
 
 I walked over, hooked my arm around her waist, and pulled her gently along-side me for a kiss. `` I'm sorry. But I really like being at home all day, and I do n't need implants for that. Charlotte loves that I'm home all the time.'' 
 
 I felt Annie relax slightly into my arm, and sigh. 
 
 `` It's just, you used to be the smartest, most directed person I knew. Now, to see you just wasting away compared to what you were...'' 
 
 I pulled her closer. `` Honey, I'm doing all the things I wanted to do, but never could, because I felt like I *needed* to get Athena done. Now, we have Athena and her family to take care of us. Even your job is something Athena could be doing, but allows you to do so people can feel like they're working towards a purpose.'' 
 
 `` And I think working towards having a purpose is important,'' said Annie. 
 
 `` I do too, at least, I think it is for a lot of people. But me, I have you, and I have Charlotte, and we're going to be okay for life. I've found my purpose, and it's here, with you, and her - no implants necessary.'' 
 
 Annie sighed, putting her head on my shoulder. `` All right, I guess you make a good point,'' she admitted grudgingly - `` but I'm still going to call you dumb and lazy.''
