[ WP ] You are a conspiracy theorist in Gotham who believes Bruce Wayne is Batman .

`` Have you ever seen the two of them in the same place?'' I asked. 
 
 The mook I spent my lunches with scratches his head and then snaps his fingers, `` I've never seen you and Batman in the same place, maybe you're Batman.'' 
 
 `` If I was fighting crime in full body armor would I be out here freezing my nuts off with you? No,'' I replied and rubbed my hands together next to the flaming trash can. 
 
 He nodded like a bobble head doll and smiled like an imbecile, `` Yeah, you're right.'' 
 
 `` Think about it all that gear aint cheap. Even if he's skimming off the top some of that stuff would set you back millions. It's got to be him,'' I pressed further. 
 
 `` Why, why would Wayne get off beating up guys just trying to earn a little scratch? It do n't make no sense to me,'' Jimmy answered. 
 
 `` Jimmy, do n't think too hard, you're light bulb's gettin dim. Those rich pricks get off on weird stuff like that all the time. It might be the only way he can get it up,'' I answered. 
 
 As we were talking a car pulled up and the window slowly slid down its track, a white gloved hand reached out and called us closer. I looked at Jimmy and he at me. we both shrugged and walked closer. When we got to the side of the car a woman popped out of the opening in the roof. Her brightly colored hat and painted face looked goolish in the flickering street light. 
 
 `` Hiya boys, Mr. J has a question for you, and you better get it right,'' The woman said. Her voice went from a child's enthusiasm to a threat in the space of a single sentence. 
 
 Jimmy looked in as the mad clown looked out. We all knew who he was. The Joker would throw an acid covered pie in your face or throw stacks of cold hard cash at your feet, and you never knew what you were going to get. 
 
 The clowns features were even more striking as his face filled the opening. `` yes... yes....yes, so I hear from my little friends that you have quite the theory on the identity of batsy.'' 
 
 I shook my head no but Jimmy spoke right up, `` Sure Mr. J, its...'' 
 
 His mouth snapped shut as a remarkably long pistol emerged from the window and the end of the barrel was a mere foot from Jimmy's face. There was an unmistakable snap of the hammer falling. then out of the barrel a wooden pole extended and a flag with BANG on it unfurled. Jimmy let out a sigh of relief. The sigh was short lived as the Joker's squeeze fired off a round that blew a hole right through Jimmy's face. He collapsed to his knees and fell over. 
 
 `` As I was saying, the Batman... who is he?'' The Joker demanded, his voice far less comical than before. 
 
 I shook my head again and shrugged for effect, `` I'm not sure Mr. J, just some costumed nut job with too much time on his hands.'' 
 
 `` No one gets to know the true identity of the Bat before I do. Harley my dear...'' He replied. 
 
 I closed my eyes and waited for the end, there were two thumps on the roof and then I was hit in the chest. I opened my eyes to see a stack of twenty grand lay at my feet as the car began to pull away. 
 
 Harley Quinn shouted from the car, `` Merry Christmas baby.'' 
 
 I started to wave when I was suddenly hit in the face by a pie. Banana creme by the taste of it. 

