[ WP ] Shia Labeouf takes up the role as motivational speaker on a suicide hotline .

To the tune of actual cannibal: Shia LeBeouf 
 
 You ’ re standing on a ledge. 
 
 There ’ s no one around, 
 
 And you ’ re on the phone. 
 
 On the end of the line you hear him, 
 
 Shia LaBeouf. 
 
 
 
 He ’ s talking to you 
 
 About 14 floors up. 
 
 He talks about why you ’ re up there all on your own 
 
 He ’ s calming you down 
 
 Shia LaBeouf 
 
 
 
 You ’ re looking for a reason 
 
 To smash into the ground 
 
 Him to witness your last bow 
 
 But you can see he ’ s talking sense 
 
 MY GOD! He ’ s talking oodles of sense! 
 
 
 
 Thinking ‘ bout your life 
 
 ( with Shia LaBeouf ) 
 
 Talking ‘ bout your strife 
 
 ( with Shia LaBeouf ) 
 
 He ’ s answering the hotline: 
 
 Suicide preventer Shia LaBeouf 
 
 He ’ s trying to do good 
 
 ( Shia LaBeouf ) 
 
 Moral support 
 
 ( Shia LaBeouf ) 
 
 Saving loads of people 
 
 Actual guardian Shia LaBeouf 
 
 
 
 
 Things seem dark and you ’ ve now lost signal 
 
 You ’ ve hopelessly lost yourself 
 
 Stranded on a rooftop 
 
 You shuffle slowly towards the edge 
 
 A-ha! You have family 
 
 They would not want you to do this 
 
 Live! 
 
 You move carefully back from the brink 
 
 But you slip! AH! You ’ re barely holding on! 
 
 
 
 
 Try to find your feet 
 
 ( fumble, fumble ) 
 
 Reaching into your pocket 
 
 ( fumble, fumble ) 
 
 Taking out your mobile 
 
 Try to redial, Shia LaBeouf 
 
 
 Now he ’ s on his break 
 
 ( Shia LaBeouf ) 
 
 So he doesn ’ t hear you calling 
 
 ( Shia LaBeouf ) 
 
 One of his colleagues answers 
 
 You are disappointed it ’ s not Shia LaBeouf 
 
 “ It ’ s concerning my death - where ’ s Shia LaBeouf? ” 
 
 “ Before I draw my final breath – where ’ s Shia LaBeouf? ” 
 
 “ This is my final plea ” 
 
 “ Please put me through to Shia LaBeouf ” 
 
 
 
 “ I ’ m sorry he ’ s on his break 
 
 But you could always talk to me ” 
 
 ( What is the point? ) 
 
 “ I ’ ll only speak to Shia LaBeouf ” 
 
 WAIT! He ’ s just come back! SHIA SURPRISE! 
 
 He ’ ll get into your head, and help you realise 
 
 There ’ s a lot out there for you 
 
 Super-life protector Shia LaBeouf 
 
 Beginning to smirk due to Shia LaBeouf 
 
 Normal day of work for Shia LaBeouf 
 
 You try to fault what ’ s said by Shia LaBeouf 
 
 But he ’ s keeping things quite professional 
 
 
 
 
 He listens to you well, responds when is required 
 
 You talk through all your shit, you step back of the edge 
 
 You ’ re heading down the stairs now 
 
 You have just relented to Shia LaBeouf 
 
 
 You walk out the front door, feeling better 
 
 You fall to your knees and take a deep breath 
 
 You have been saved by Shia LaBeouf 
 

