[ WP ] The hero was killed , the princess was sacrificed , and the evil king rules the land . For the average citizen , though , things have taken a turn for the better .

`` Roight. I hired you wankers, and now you know who yer' boss is. If ya' bastards want to piss off now ya' know yer' boss is a three hunderd' and plus somethin' brass plated skeleton *lich*, ya'd be in your right mind to have done it already. No? No scardy pants in yer' lot? Well, that suits me rather nicely.'' The lich nodded it's replica brass skull. 
 
 `` So. Now, ya' may be asking,'what's a lich doing just runnin' a city?', or'how's it that this lichy bastard is n't just taking us apart an' making zomblies?' or some other rubbish question. Well, one, I grew up in this'ear town, and I'm rather proud to say that under my leadership it's become a city of some renown. Yeah, sure, I'd like to rule the world and all the bloody cosmos, but if I ca n't handle a pissant little city then how in the all-hells could I take on a world? Ya' bastards do n't expect me to just rule with... with... bloody mind control or some such rot? Stick it all on a post, you have any *idea* just how many civil servants I need to keep this fetid lot of a city running? And ya'd even think I could keep it all under total *mind control*?! I have enough trouble doing my own damned thinking, thank you very much!'' 
 
 The lich threw up it's hands and turned around, it's back facing the party. `` And zombies! Retched, smelly, useless zombies! The most you can get out of a zombie is fifteen watts of power! I can make a disk spin with twice - no, four times that power - and it does n't fall apart, does n't stink like the devils, and it fits in the palm of your hand! Zombies, I'll have you know, are more trouble than they're worth. Sod zombies.'' 
 
 The lich paused and rubbed his brass chin. `` Was there a third point I was going to make? I suppose naught. I apologize for my anger. I've had a rather troubling day. The north side's damned sewage system was backing up because some *bloody stupid* restaurants decided it'd be a grand idea to flush hot oils and lards down their drains, and I had to plow through a damnable meter of solidified putrefied fat that was blockin' up the pipes. I'm less than an hour out of the dry cleaners, and while I no longer smell like a rotten pile of effulant, and of course can no longer smell such a thing meself, I'm still roight jolly pissed. I'm gon na need at least a day before I start writin' up the civil infraction fines because if I were to do it now in me current state I'd bloody well ruin them all, the bastards.'' 
 
 The lich sat on his throne. It was more a glorified office chair, rather than some sort of ornate stone structure or a golden construct. It was utilitarian. There was a small pouch hanging off it's right side with writing utensils and paper. 
 
 `` Now, what I'm asking ya' for is to find for me a candidate. Someone who can actually stand a chance against me. I'a been trying to get myself voted outa' office for the last three-bloody-decades, but the damned electorate keeps voting me in. The city *needs* new leadership, at least long enuf' for the damned necromantic contamination to be cleaned up. The only holy folk we can get to visit'ere are the damned joker-god's, and they're only here because it's, ahem,'the best punchline in the tri-country area.' Wankers, the lot, but I appreciate'em for trying.'' 
 
 The lich rubbed his non-existent eyebrows. `` I need to be defeated in an election, so we can get some bloody purifiers into this town, because this contamination is killing'em. I'd bet I could retake the position afterwards, but it's just be easier, politic-wise, to get someone else in the office that'd please the thrice damned clergy long enough to clean up this mess. Honestly, if they saw their bloody heavens they so pine for... I've been there, mate. Ya' do n't make it to be a bloody damned lich without having some power and skill behind ya', and damned if I had n't visited the lot of those heavens. Rubbish, all of'em. No damned wonder I went the way I did, and those gilded arses would probable do likewise if they'd seen what I'd.'' 
 
 `` So, in short, I need all ya'll, to find me a political contender, who can defeat me in an election for mayor, that I have won for the past three hundred years, with practically no contest. As I'm an undead brass plated wizard, my options for scandal are limited. And no, bloody hells no, I'm not going to sacrifice any orphans for this or any such rubbish. I suppose that's why they keep voting me in, I actually *care* about this town.'' 
 
 The lich raised his head and his glowing eye sockets scanned across the intrepid adventurers. `` So. Can you help me?'' 
 
 The group had been on their guard the whole while, following the metalic skeleton, self-proclaimed lich, and apparent town leader for the duration on the rant. The singer, normally the ever-patient listener, was the first to speak. `` What the actual fu-''; 
 
 The tale of the Defeat of the Lich Mayor. 
 
 
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 I had this idea for a story of a Lich Mayor which *sorta* fit the parameters of this prompt, and I do intend to develop it further. But this is the basic premise: a lich is elected mayor, hires adventures to defeat him politically, because he's having difficulty with that because he's just so good at his job.
