[ WP ] You are a god . Sitting around you are two other gods . Together , you are playing an elaborate card game that causes things to happen around the world in which the gods are playing . What happens ?

My eyes quickly dart around the table, assessing the situation. Eight star systems, three population hubs, and two remaining opponents. Usually I don ’ t do this well, games like this aren ’ t really my bag of cats, but hey as long as I ’ m here I can be glad I ’ m doing well. There were six when we started, but Trillatrix ’ s merciless and fast-moving playstyle swiftly eliminated the uncaring and unprepared. Typically I was among those when I played with her, but hey, lucky me I guess. The sly woman smirks at me from across the table, trying to read my poker face. The bitch can literally do that too, and it always makes things weird and uncomfortable. Playing with a God of Mind always is, though. 
 
 “ Would you take your damnable turn already, Kindred? Our little universe will collapse into entropic lead before we even get a chance to mess with it. ” 
 
 “ Trilla, for millennia we ’ ve played this game on Tuesday nights, and every single game, you harass me about my insistence upon making wise and calculated moves. Not everyone uses overpowered crap, you know. ” 
 
 The other remaining opponent is, of course, Kindred, the thinly bearded outer god who played host to our functions. He ’ s exaggerating of course, we did sometimes do other things on Tuesday nights. This game is mentally engaging and boasts a huge variety of strategic approaches and ultimate outcomes, but it was hard to take it seriously sometimes with its tendency to devolve into a patience-testing series of one-upmanship contests between players. Since the actual goal of the game is so complex and multi-faceted ( and more importantly, changes every time ) the temptation to just throw out stupid combinations to fuck around with everyone is incredibly hard to resist. Or, I thought to myself, you could just be like Trilla, and base your entire strategy on that very thing. 
 
 “ Aww, you poor, fragile thing. I play a Space-Transcending Horrorking one time and I ’ m still bearing with the conversational consequence. ” 
 
 Kindred rolled his eyes and finally played a card, causing the table ’ s imager to change rapidly, zooming dramatically across the galaxyscape. 
 
 “ We don ’ t SPEAK of that incident. We don ’ t even THINK about it anymore, especially since even an immortal can go insane by having the audacity to comprehend that play. Guess that explains what happened to you. ” 
 
 She laughed and per the norm quickly slaps down a few cards, adding to his initial play. The table depicts a vast new galaxy, spinning and swirling out of nothingness, ready to foster a new set of evolutionary paths and life-bearing planetoids. Or like with most cases, a spitting contest, judging by Trilla ’ s chemical imbalance run she ’ s setting up. God, I hate this game sometimes. They both turn to me, obviously only half-interested. I don ’ t have any good cards yet and I can usually only muster the most boring type of universal occurrences. The one time I actually did something cool, having my own little group of semi-advanced races working in an alliance to move their entire solar system out of the way of a giga-star about to go supernova, some asshole summoned an Eldritch Cataclysm Hydra and killed them. I sigh and put down a couple of Variety cards, the intricate circuits on the back of each one containing the billions of genetic sequences required to integrate them into the new galaxy, making it more complex, diverse. Kindred nods and checks his cards. 
 
 “ Good, good. I think we ’ re just about done here. ” 
 
 “ Really, now~ are we really almost done, or Kindred almost done? How many more years are we talking? ” 
 
 “ Woman, please. ” 
 
 They go on like this for a few more rounds before slowly, almost unbelievably, the three of us actually have a nice little universe going. Orderly, vast, and free of reality-bending space-terrors, the entire thing was displayed on the table, infinite possibilities stretched downwards into the lacquer wooden cosmos. To some, it would be an inspiring, life-changing view. To others, it ’ s an invitation to start screwing around. 
 
 Trillatrix plays a few cards and creates a Cytoplasm Drinker to start messing with the biology on Kindred ’ s planets. Hoping to curry her good side, I help her out with a few resources of my own, increasing the heat of a few star quadrants to make life inhospitable in most of his territory. He glares, but politely informs us he doesn ’ t appreciate these two-on-one tactics, trying to remain candid as always. Trilla giggles and keeps experimenting with her cards, trying to make the strangest things happen, preferably to Kindred. I spend some time trying to figure out the game itself. Another aspect of this thing I hate is that the goals of the game are usually completely arbitrary and don ’ t really have any deeper meaning behind them. Mostly everyone just does random shit until someone wins. 
 
 “ C ’ mon, play your planet corrupters, I remember you have them~ ” 
 
 I do indeed have planet corrupters, but if I keep helping her then it ’ ll be all the worse later on. I decide to just keep building up civilization with a few industrial revolutions and progressivism movements on my largest planet. She pouts a little, and Kindred just rolls his eyes. He ’ s practically out of the game now, nearly out of cards and exerting little influence on our universe. 
 
 Suddenly, the victory screen pops up. Completely out of nowhere, with no warning. Even more disturbingly, it ’ s in front of me. Me?! I just won? What?! The other two don ’ t even notice at first, it ’ s so sudden. Trillatrix ’ s coal-black eyes widen and Kindred stares in disbelief. 
 
 “ That… what in the seven hells? How did you just win?! ” 
 
 I ’ m at a loss for words as I check the win conditions. Okay, set up a civilization, that ’ s easy… create such and such lifeforms with such and such traits, yeah… and they have to… move an asteroid? I quickly drag the screen over to the exact victory point and see that, in fact, one of the civilizations developed space-flight capability, found an asteroid rich with minerals, and built a massive engine capable of moving it closer, into their planet ’ s orbit, so that they could harvest them more easily. This simple act of ingenuity had probably taken them decades to pull off, but with this, one of the tiny little blips on the enormous game HUD would kindly inform us that this civilization has experienced an economy boost. I sit back in my chair, completely at a loss. I ’ d just been thinking about arbitrary winning conditions, but none of us in all our millennia of playing had seen the game do this before. Trillatrix fumes a little, her fists clenched. Kindred looks shocked, but not unamused. 
 
 “ Astounding, really, what can happen in this game. Truly a spectacle to behold. ” 
 
 She turns her glare on him, small embers appearing in her black pools for eyes. 
 
 “ This is complete horse-shit! I ’ m going to burn down the houses of the developers of this game. What a bunch of shit. ” 
 
 She slumps down in her chair and performs a simple card-combiner move, making a few simple cards into a more complicated one. In the manner of someone wanting to show off their hand of cards after a game is over, she slaps down the card. Immediately, the table ’ s simulated view glows bright red. Kindred and I frown and lean over the table. It ’ s a card we ’ ve never seen. 
 
 “ An interdimensional plague card… Ruby-Laced Oblivion Virus? ” 
 
 She smirks a little. 
 
 “ I just got it, and it ’ s so cool! I couldn ’ t wait to destroy you both with this, after I had my fun of course~ god, what a bullshit outcome though. I ’ ll have to use this thing another time. ” 
 
 The planet the screen was zoomed in on was experiencing a serious meltdown inside its nickel-aluminum core. Already, it was on the verge of meltdown, and the actual effects were still unseen. Geez, and she was on about *my* planet corrupters. 
 
 We all watch for the few moments it takes for the simulation to run its course. Quickly reading through the codes for the card suggests a highly complicated, extremely efficient planet-eater virus that… before I even finish reading, it ’ s on screen, enormous firey cracks spreading across the planet ’ s surface, its tectonic plates destabilizing. Wiry red tendrils grow from the core like colossal forests of vampiric trees, winding and tangling with themselves in their race to devour everything. And just like that, the planet ’ s gone, obliterated along with the civilization I ’ d maintained for most of the game. The scarred, crimson remains of it began pulsating before exploding outwards, sending microscopic red seeds in an omnidirectional spread through the universe, towards other unsuspecting systems. Kindred just shakes his head and whistles. 
 
 “ Great, another overpowered card to contend with. I suppose I ’ ll see you both next week then? ” 
 
 Trillatrix nods, the flames in her eyes fading a bit as she watches the carnage. They each wave their goodbyes, and I pack up my cards in the little bag I use. It kind of looks douchey, but whatever, it keeps things organized. Kindred flips off the light as we head out, plunging the room into darkness, save for the pale glow coming from the table. It isn ’ t like it switches off. 
 

