[ WP ] You are a shopkeeper in a video game and the player is trying to sell you various questionable goods .

`` Welcome to the Fallen Oak Trading Post! How can I assist?'' I read off my mandated script with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. 
 
 The player has a half-smirk on his face. I maintain a blank glare. The sun has been up for about 36 hours, I do n't know why he ca n't stop to save or at least complete a damn checkpoint. Hopefully this guy is n't too chatty. 
 
 `` Hello, yes I would like to sell.'' He requests, matter-of-factly. *Thank you God, this will be quick. * 
 
 `` Excellent!'' I reply, `` What can I take off your hands?'' 
 
 `` Well...'' He begins, `` I think I have a couple things you'll be quite interested in.'' 
 
 `` Excellent!'' I repeat, `` What can I take off your hands?'' 
 
 He opens up his satchel and hundreds of potatoes, *rotten* potatoes come pouring out, rolling across the marketplace table and falling all around him. The player offers a glittering smile. 
 
 `` I'm afraid that item can not be sold here,'' I recite. His smile droops. 
 
 `` Aw come on, there's got ta be something you'll pay for these,'' he pleads, and picking one of the potatoes up and bringing it towards my face. `` Just look at how *rare and valuable* my collection is.'' 
 
 He gently caresses my face with the potato. *He'll walk away soon. He'll walk away soon. He'll walk away soon. * I repeat this over and over in my head until he moves the potato away from my face. 
 
 `` I'm afraid *that item can not be sold here*.'' 
 He looks a little defeated for a second, but then his bright smile returns. 
 
 `` Aw, shucks. I'm sure I've got *something* you'd want...'' he insists. *I sincerely doubt that. * 
 
 He begins to pull a clothe object out of his bag. `` How about... your pants.'' 
 
 `` -Excuse me?'' I stutter, breaking script. 
 
 `` Your pants, sir. How much will you pay for your pants?'' The player continues to pull the object out of his bag. His smile grows wider. 
 
 `` How the fuck- I mean- that object can not be- no actually just *what the fuck?? *'' 
 
 `` Would you like your mustache back as well for a low price of 19,000 coins?'' 
 He smiles brightly once again. 
 
 *Damn thief class... *
