[ WP ] You die and God announces that you 're going to Hell . You 're shocked and confused because you were a devout Evangelical Christian your entire life .

`` I'm sorry, you must be mistaken. Did you say to take the stairs on the left? They lead downwards though.'' I asked once I'd reached the front of the queue. 
 `` That's the case I'm afraid.'' said St. Paul after he double checked his list. 
 `` But... I was really strict with myself, I followed the bible and read it every day.'' 
 `` Firstly, You only followed some of it and it was only some of the time. You blasphemed 47 times in 2016 alone.'' 
 `` But I apologised for each and every one of them.'' 
 `` Apologising does n't unsmash glass.'' 
 `` But...'' 
 `` Anyway, that does n't even matter. The bible is just a book some guys wrote ages ago. It's not even legit. The big guy is all about charity and altruism these last few millennia. So... stairs on the left please. Next.'' 
 `` No, wait, I'm not going. I was kind, I gave to charities.'' 
 `` A few pence here and there does n't count. Did you know that if every one your country gave just 2 % of their wages to a single charity, that world hunger and poverty would be gone in a decade? We tallied up your charitable givings to a total of 0.000004 % of your total life earnings. We have a minimum of 2 % for admission here and that's just for the basic paradise package. Bill Gates for example, he's up to what? 90 % or something crazy, well we've had to add a few extra levels of paradise just for people like him.'' 
 `` But he does n't even believe in the Almighty. He's an Atheist.'' 
 `` We're aware. In recent years, they've been getting in more than anyone else. Science has saved millions of lives, most of those scientists have been Atheists. Tell you what though, the looks on their faces can be priceless when they get here.'' 
 `` This is bloody unfair.'' 
 `` Not really, it's pretty simple. Be kind and get paradise. That's pretty much it. Pray all you want, God has n't intervened since original creation all those billions of years ago. He's just sat back and watched with curiosity. Now if you'd move along, I've got 24,618 souls to get through before I cover the line for the Gortans from Septus Prime during my lunch break for St Luke. Stairs on the left please.''
