[ WP ] Life and Death decide to switch places for a time to see which of their jobs is harder .

`` Seriously?'' Death asked Life, recoiling his skeletal clutches from the etherial and formless mound of flesh. `` I've got ta fuck that?'' 
 
 `` No, no,'' Life said, `` It is not fucking. It is the sensual union, which you caress, gently, slowly, lovingly.'' 
 
 `` It looks like a beanbag chair with a giant - wait, why is there a big ol' nutsack under there, and a fire extinguisher sized -'' 
 
 `` Well, well, for the women. You see, to make man, you must,'' and Life thrust his hips near the mound. `` But to make man,'' and he bowed his legs over the red-tipped and throbbing hemorrhoid of a phallus. 
 
 `` No way,'' Death said, `` I'm neither fucking, or being fucked by, whatever the hell that thing is.'' 
 
 `` What is this, this morality? We are neither man, nor woman, but the entropic essence of life and death personified. We must infused ourselves with, and be infused by, these organic instruments.'' 
 
 `` And it could n't be, you know, good looking?'' 
 
 `` No, no,'' Life said, `` You do not understand. This is not for just man or woman, but for all creatures.'' A rapid series of pats followed. `` Down to every last flea and fly.'' 
 
 `` Good God man, you got ta do that for every - no, no you're just pulling my leg now. You ca n't be serious.'' 
 
 `` Quite,'' Life said. `` Now, you understand my job. What must I do to be you, to be, Death. To figuratively clean up the results of my sullied lovemaking?'' 
 
 Death shrugged and picked up a large book, passed it over to Life. 
 
 Life took the tome, flipped through its many pages. `` I do n't, I'm sure I do n't, understand this, this code.'' 
 
 `` Sure you do,'' Death said and proceeded to point out the essentials. `` It's all pretty much automated now, and I've outsourced the bulk of it to various groups. But, you know those damn religions, and, as they say, the devil's in the details. And this, this right here,'' he tapped the book, `` Is almost universally effective.'' 
 
 `` But, I do n't understand. You - you do -'' 
 
 `` Yeah,'' Death said. `` I do their taxes. Well, technically, I re-do their taxes, and look for the cheats.'' 
 
 `` And if you find a cheat -'' 
 
 `` I've got a few deals in place, you know, business-to-business type of arrangements, I just send the cheats back long enough for someone to get them sorted, and they scratch my back in return. Now,'' he turned a page, `` this section is really important: is their soul liened to a higher power, and did they misreport their tithes? Got ta make sure you do that right, because those old farts got particular ideas about what they do with tax cheats.'' 
 
 Life weighed the book in his hand, glanced lovingly at the mound of flesh, and offered the book, `` Maybe, instead, we could trade - `` 
 
 `` Back,'' Death said, and snatched the universal tax code book from Life's hand. `` No way I'm boning that thing.'' 
 
 `` That's not even funny,'' Life said, as though an unnatural weight had descended on his shoulders. `` I never realized how, how death was little more than something so vile like tax preparation.'' 
 
 `` Yeah,'' Death snorted. `` Right. Well, happy bean-bagging there, Life. I think I'll just take my 2016 tax codes and be on my way.''
