[ WP ] Aliens visit earth and are fascinated by other animals but find humans completely unremarkable .

Flashy Jack Flaggum, intergalactic entrepreneur, looked up from the ant colony he had been studying, his eyes wide with wonder. 
 
 “ Whoa, great shit right there. Look at that teamwork. The little one is carrying the biggest pebble back to the mound!'' He looked back up from the ant farm to the audience in front of him, donning a smile giddy with child-like enthusiasm. `` How much for it? ” 
 
 “ Uh....How much for what? ” President Obama asked, confused. For the leader of the free world, this was turning into a strange day. As it was, he was currently treating an alien ambassador at an intergalactic peace conference, who's only request had been that Obama bring some of those'little black fuckers that crawl around and build shit'. 
 
 “ The ant farm? ” 
 
 Flaggum snorted as if the president had just told funny joke. “ No you dork! For your fucking planet dog! The wildlife here is Grade-A shit! ” 
 
 Obama looked over at the other members of the council of world leaders uncertainly. David Cameron shrugged. Sighing, he attempted to explain Earth's policy on planet ownership. 
 
 “ Sir, with all due respect, I'm not at liberty to sell you planet Earth. ” 
 
 “ What, I thought I was supposed to be talking to the high brass here. Go get your supervisor then, ” said Flashy Flaggum dismissively, shooing the head of state to back of room. 
 
 It appeared that the humans assembled before him must have some type of joint investment in the planet. He switched tactics, and decided to make his offer to his entire audience. 
 
 “ Look here,'' Flaggum began, addressing the assembly as a whole. “ Planet Earth looks like it has potential. And I turned over a 1000 % planet stock increase on my last planet. It started just like this one; kind of a shithole. The dominant race used it for boring crap like industrialization and agriculture and development. Nobody likes a boring planet. They suck. Not just for the inhabitants, but for future visitors just like myself. ” 
 
 He paused to check he still had the audiences attention. The crowd stared back at him, mouths open in bewilderment. 
 
 “ My visit there was awful. I stayed at a Courtyard Marriott Hotel. Pretty much any planet that has 3 star hotels is guaranteed to suck. And the first people to greet me were people like you lot. Politicians and Beaucrats Not the most exciting race of people I've ever met. ” 
 
 It was time to move into his pitch. Nobody in the universe had the killer instinct of closing a deal like Flashy Jaggum. 
 
 “ You ever wonder why you never get any visitors from other planets? It's because your boring. Unremarkable advanced life who's idea of a fun time involves a boring afternoon of watching political intrigue and arguing policies. We've seen it a billion times before on a billion other planets, and most others do it better than you. Only a few planets have the explosion of organic life that Earth has here. All this time to develop and evolve these animals into rare galactic monsters, yet I see none. Where are the giant killer ants? What about flying dolphins? And I do n't like to brag, but I pretty much put amphibious butterflies back on the map. ” 
 
 The room remained silent. 
 
 “ You have all the tools for an exciting, dangerous planet. Ants! Butterflies! Amphibians! All you need is a little vision and top tier investor like myself. ” 
 
 He paused dramatically to let his proposal sink in to the world leaders. 
 
 “ I know the Earth was not always like this. I remember visiting this planet back when I was child. You had dinosaurs! Fucking. Dinosaurs. My, how the mighty have fallen. But it does n't have to stay this way. So what do you say? Shall we make plant Earth great again? ” 
 
 One person in the back of the room started to clap.
