[ PI ] The Last Rebellion - Prescott - 3047 Words

Good organic unfolding of world building via credible and interesting ( and sometimes funny ) dialogue and action. If this were mine, I'd establish POV early so that the chapter engages the reader's senses from the get-go. For example, you tell us through dialogue that it's freaking hot ( almost 60 degrees C ), yet without a characters' thoughts, the reader ca n't feel the heat. In addition, a strong third-person POV ( sensory details, personal goal, regrets, etc. ) would help the reader identify with a character and care about what happens to him. Minor punctuation issues. Occasionally action interrupts dialogue flow. Overall very creative and enjoyable.
