[ WP ] Yesterday , the world heard an announcement that a massive asteroid would hit the earth today . Only it did n't , and now everyone is feeling super awkward .

“ ATTENTION CITIZENS. THE ASTEROID WARNING WAS A FALSE ALARM. REPEAT, A FALSE ALARM. PLEASE CONTINUE WITH YOUR DAY. ” 
 
 Silence swept through the entire world. Everywhere, last minute words still clung to the air and regret was filling most people ’ s thoughts. Century-long seconds passed before anyone spoke, and those words ranged from “ WHAT THE HELL?? ” to “ huh ”. Men and women alike were wondering what to do with such unplanned information. Information that was not supposed to live for very much longer. 
 
 But perhaps the most shocking of discoveries made during this time was by Rodney Williams. Rodney lives alone in his shitty Boston apartment, fresh out of college and deep in student loan debt. Well, not completely alone: his cat, Sprinkles, resided there with him. 
 
 Rodney was never one to take life seriously. His whole life seemed to be an out-of-body experience to him, he hardly did anything at all. He claimed himself to be a “ go with the flow ” kind of guy, when really he didn ’ t have the strength, motivation, or mentality to go against it. So here he was, in a dim apartment because someone told him to buy a place to live, with a diploma because someone told him to go to college, and only a cat for company because no one told him there was any importance in connecting with another human being. 
 
 So when Rodney heard the massive announcement made the day before, it didn ’ t really hit him. “ Oh no, ” he thought, “ an asteroid is going to kill us all. I ’ m going to die tomorrow. ” And that didn ’ t make him feel all that much. Which got him to worrying. Why didn ’ t he feel anything? He never considered himself suicidal, but as he thought it over he realized he wasn ’ t all that into life either. 
 
 Over the next 24 hours, he tried to decide on what to do. He should live life, make his time worth it! It was his last chance to do something that made an impact. But as the hours passed, Rodney only thought of more and more ways to get out of that. Truthfully, he still hadn ’ t quite absorbed the idea of death. It didn ’ t seem like it was really going to happen. But, as Rodney was a classic procrastinator, that all changed in the presumed last minutes of mankind ’ s existence. 
 
 During this time, Rodney Williams sat in his singular living room chair frozen in shock. It had finally hit him how little time he had left. Ideas were racing through his mind. “ I should call my parents, ” he thought, but decided against it since he assumed if they wanted to talk to him they would ’ ve called by then. “ I ’ ll do something big, something great, ” he considered. But what that great thing could be escaped him. 
 
 Finally, in a last-minute panic, Rodney frantically turned to Sprinkles and sputtered, “ Sprinkles, you ’ re adopted! ” 
 
 “ I know, ” Sprinkles responded, in perfect English.
