[ WP ] The last true religion died out 2500 years ago , and their God has been sending everyone to hell since

I awoke to find a hooded old man extending his hand toward me. He looked at me with a tired, aggravated expression, expecting something. I tried to take his hand, but apparently he was n't trying to help me up, since his hand disappeared entirely as I went to grab it. I stood and looked around to see myself on a simple wooden raft, in the midst of a frothing purple river. The old man sighed, rolled his thin eyes, and extended his hand once more. I was scared, of c 
 ourse, because I knew where I was, but despite everything I felt clarity, and some level of calm. I reached into my pockets and pulled out a ziploc bag holding the two golden drachma I picked up earlier today. That is, if it even is still today. How could I know how much time has passed since my death? 
 
 The old man took the coins, the plastic evaporating at his touch. He motioned once at the river, and we flew through hades, presumably at great speed, but I could n't tell. We moved as though a current in the ocean, and I was only glimpses of where we moved. A man pushing a boulder twice his size, a dog sleeping, chewing a bone, and licking his ass all at once. I guess dogs are dogs regardless of how many heads they have. A field of flowers in colors and shapes I could n't name. They were gorgeous. The raft eventually stopped as fluid and calm as it started, and I stepped off it onto a slab of rock, just like where we fell. I surveyed the drop, there was no rocky bottom this time. I turned behind me to find that Robert Downey Jr. was standing behind me. 
 
 `` Pleased to meet you, I'm Hades.'' 
 
 I looked back at him, rather stupended. He saw my confusion, I could tell by the way his breath sped up, as though he was about to tell a really bad joke. 
 
 `` It's only a costume. Got ta pick some form you can understand. Did n't you like *The Avengers*? Thor did n't, the crabby old nord.'' He smiled. 
 
 I burst out laughing. 
 
 `` I knew it all along! They all called me crazy, every one, but here I am! If only they could see me now!'' 
 
 The smile wiped away from his face in the same fluid motion that brought me to the cliff. 
 
 `` I thought you might appreciate a good shapeshifting joke before you go on the whole egomaniac rant. Really, Jonathan, I had hoped you'd be more amiable.'' 
 
 I looked at him, how could I take this guy seriously? The Lord of the underworld standing in front of me dressed like Iron Man? I felt no fear. 
 
 `` Do n't act like you're gon na up and torture me, I was faithful, no one else was! No one in the world believes like I do!'' 
 
 He looked down at me, disappointed, not angry. The poser. 
 
 `` Yes, you remembered us, Jonathan. And you forgot your hubris. You cut the rope, Jon. You killed them. Because they didn't-'' 
 
 `` Give me what I deserved! All those years of study and they never recognized it, all the time I spent, all the papers I wrote and no one recognized my work, and the bastards had the nerve to make fun of me at the peak of my work. I killed everyone of the poser heathens on the excavation and I'm proud of it!'' 
 
 The cliff fell out behind me, I suppose that symbolized the poser of the moment. A good journalist recognizes these things, you know. And the best in the world is speaking to you now. 
 
 `` The gods do n't care for arrogance, Jon. We get enough of that from ourselves. I'll be seeing you, professor.'' The raft flooded back in and the iron man stepped back on it. I reached out to follow him and then found myself stopped in my tracks by a pale figure, whom I recognized. Dr. Carlton stood with broken limb and similar sounds all over. To my left was Stacy, the intern, and Francis Cabot, the translator for Abdul, my guide through the ruins. He stood to my right. I found I could n't move while they enclosed on me. 
 
 `` Wait, where are you going?! You ca n't leave me, you do n't have malice like some demon! You do n't live to punish, you ca n't do this!'' 
 
 `` This is your punishment, Jonathan. I do n't make the punishments, I just watch the realm. The punishments make themselves. Be seeing you.'' 
 
 He disappeared in that same fluid motion, leaving me with the specter of my dead comrades. At least I could gloat. 
 
 `` I told you all, look where we are!'' 
 
 Carlton looked at me, blood dropping down his skull. `` What are you on about now, loony? I swear you're right fucked in the head.'' 
 
 Stacy's head swiveled around to see me. Mr. Edwards, did you miss your meds this morning? We're just on this old cliff!'' 
 
 The color trained from my face. 
 
 `` Are you in sun-stroke, my friend?'' 
 
 `` He's a lunatic, is what he is!'' 
 
 `` Do n't be an ass, doctor, you know he has issues!'' 
 
 `` Bah! He's a murderer and a hack, nothing more!'' 
 
 `` Poser!'' 
 
 `` Looney!'' 
 
 `` Psycho!''
