[ WP ] The person sitting next to you on a plane leans over and says , `` Do n't ask me how I know this , but this plane is going to crash before it reaches Newark . ''

`` How do you know that?'' 
 
 `` Are you- I literally just said do n't ask how I-'' 
 
 `` Uh, miss! Miss! Him yeah, this guy says he knows for a fact the plane is going to crash before Newark.'' The stewardess with the drink cart rolling by stops at us. 
 
 `` Sir, I assure you we have everything under control, there's nothing to worry about-'' 
 
 `` No, I-'' My flight companion and I both attempt to correct the attendant at the same time. 
 
 `` I think he meant it like he is part of whatever is going to crash it.'' 
 
 `` Yes, that's it. I'm part of-'' 
 
 `` Gentlemen, I can make you some drinks if you think that'll help you relax but, I promise that there's nothing wrong with our plane this evening.'' 
 
 ``... I'll take a Jack and coke,'' I say. She looks at him. 
 
 *sigh* `` I'm good, thank you.'' 
 
 `` Get him one, too. On me.'' 
 
 `` No, I-'' 
 
 `` I insist!'' 
 
 ``... Thank you.'' She nods and gets to work. 
 
 `` So... you do n't have to tell me how you know, but why is the plane going to crash?'' I ask. 
 
 `` An attack on the plane, bringing it down on the warehouse containing an unregistered gold reserve eight miles from here. It'll be covered up by claims of a terrorist attack.'' 
 
 `` Is it a hijacking? Are you hijacking the plane?'' She passes us our finished drinks, he takes a large sip. 
 
 `` No, do n't be crazy. I'm not suicidal! I just wanted to warn everyone in time.'' 
 
 `` Then... Why did n't you warn us before we got on the plane?'' 
 
 He looks at me for a moment, his mouth starts to drop as he goes to take a drink. 
 
 `` And why the hell did get you on a plane you know is going to crash?'' 
 
 He pauses with the glass at his lips. 
 
 `` Holy fuck. HOLY FUCK, I'M GON NA DIE! OH SHIT!'' He bursts up, me and the flight attendant grab him and lean him back in his chair. 
 
 `` Sir, there's nothing to-'' 
 
 `` LADY, SHUT THE FUCK UP, WE'RE ALL GOING TO-'' 
 
 `` Dude, you did n't realize you were going to die when you got into a plane that was gon na crash?'' 
 
 `` OH SHIT, OH SHIT, I FUCKED UP. I'M SO HIGH. FUCK, I CAN'T-'' 
 
 `` You know we ca n't just get off the plane, right? Dude, you were sitting in the waiting area with everyone for like an hour!'' 
 
 `` FUUCCCK, WHY DID I GET SO HIGH BEFORE I CAME?'' 
 
 `` You're supposed to warn people *before* they get on the plane. That's like the most fundimantally basic rule of warning people of an attack.'' 
 
 `` I WAS DISTRACTED! HOW DO WE GET OFF, WE'RE GON NA DIE!'' 
 
 `` Sir-'' 
 
 `` Distracted by what!? What the hell distracted you?'' 
 
 `` I DO N'T WANT TO CRASH INTO A GOLD RESERVE!'' 
 
 And then from the back of the plane came a young man's voice: 
 
 `` Haha! I ca n't believe they did n't change the channel when that episode came on! 
 
 `` Episode?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, that's the Walker Texas Ranger episode that was playing in the waiting room, you did n't see that?'' 
 
 Very slowly, I turn to my companion. 
 
 `` Dude, how high are you?'' 
 
 Before he could answer, the flight attendant chimed in. 
 
 `` 45,000 feet.'' 
 
 `` SHUT THE FUCK UP.''
