[ WP ] A newly-hired bartender is slowly realizing that he 's working at the bar from all of those `` X walks into a bar '' jokes .

`` I'm sorry officer, but... All I can remember, all I can see is... the blood! There was blood everywhere!'' Weeping, the bartender buried his face into mhis arms, the tiny metal table in the interrogation room shaking with the force of his crying fit. 
 
 The officer at the other side of the table was not moved. `` So 17 prominent religious figures, 1 of whom is rumored to be Jesus himself, 2 sheikhs, 7 former Presidents, a whole menagerie of farm animals, and a dozen celebrities all die in an explosion at YOUR bar. And you ca n't seem to remember any kind of detail? I find that pretty fucking odd. Especially since the building you were in has never had a single reported case of electrical, gas, or plumbing problems.'' 
 
 The bartender, Mr. Hawn, could n't seem to stop the tears, but he managed to choke out a reply. `` I... I remember seeing Mr. T, and I was so excited to have another big celebrity come to my tiny little bar, but after he ordered his drinks, he got kicked by a horse, and that's when a scuffle started, and soon after there was a bang, and OH GOD THE BLOOD!!! No, no, nonononono...'' The tears were coming even harder than before. 
 
 The detective scratched his balding head. It seemed a few small pieces were coming together, but he did n't like the picture fragments he was seeing. He jotted a message to himself on his notepad- Remember to bring Mayor to precinct tmrw, need to get law regarding horses allowed in bars amended or struck down. With a sigh, he put his notepad away and nodded at the uniformed officer near the door to escort Mr. Hawn out. As he moved to his office, Detective Smith wore an expression that told his coworkers it was not a time for him to be disturbed. After settling at his desk, he glanced at some paperwork, quickly sucked in a gasp, and picked up the phone. One button press later, speed dial had connected him to his supervisor's line. 
 
 `` Lt, it's Smith. No, the important Smith, not the one in accounting, you ass. I think I've got it all put together, but I'd like to get your opinion on it before I put it in writing. The only thing I can come up with is a little... far-fetched.'' 
 
 The Lieutenant sighed, his mustache seeming to droop along with his dampened mood. `` I'll be over in a minute. No, I'll come to you. I'm getting sick of this office.'' A few minutes later, Lt. Calvery took a seat in Smith's office, the old leather chair squeaking in complaint as he slowly let his weight settle. `` Now this office brings back memories. Makes me want to get back out on the streets, catching baddies.'' 
 
 Smith chuckled, said, `` Lt, with as much weight as you've put on I do n't think you could catch anything.'' 
 
 Calvery's mustache did not approve of such comments. 
 
 `` Shut the fuck up and give me this'far-fetched' theory of yours. But take your time, I want to spend as much time away from my paperwork as possible.'' 
 
 Smith's chuckle faded with his smile. `` It's not pretty, Lt. I got the full list of deceased from the coroner. We've ID'd the guy with the hat.'' 
 
 Lt leaned forward. The case had been bizarre from the outset, with no clear theory on how the incident occurred, but the arson and crime scene investigators said it was n't a normal explosion. Evidence of a fight was found, between a man now identified as Mr. T ( of A-Team fame ) and at least one horse, with other animals and people being dragged into the scuffle. However, before Washington County SWAT could come in, a Rabbi from Dallas who'd been arguing with a priest in a corner of the bar placed a call to the Texas Rangers. It was completely uncalled for, but what's done was done. 
 
 Even stranger was the fact that not even 90 seconds after the call was placed, a Ranger appeared at the bar. Kicking down the door ( which appeared to be the sound of the bang the barkeep reported ), he entered the building- and all hell broke loose. 
 
 `` The hat had a name stitched on the inside. It was Chuck Norris.'' Smith paused to let that sink in. 
 
 Lt. Calvery's face went from confused, to pale, to horrified, to somber. It had all clicked into place for him, as it had for Smith only minutes earlier. `` My God... and Mr. T. Both killed in such an avoidable tragedy.'' Lt leaned back in his chair. `` I think I know where you're going with this Smith. Bar fight, animals, religious figures, celebrities, all that can be chalked up to a normal Texas bar. What did it for everybody though, was when Mr. T and Chuck Norris were both in the building at the same time.'' Lt sighed. He'd have even more paperwork now. 
 
 Smith nodded. `` You read my mind, Lt. I never thought I'd see it, but everybody knows the saying. Mr. T and Chuck Norris walk into a bar... The whole place immediately explodes, because no structure can contain that level of awesome.''
