[ WP ] In a cynical , fleece-the-masses , let's-fake-religion-for-tax benefits cult , one person in the inner circle is an honest , true believer . That person was just accidentally elected Supreme Cult Master

( This was written on my phone during work, so apologies for any bad formatting. ) 
 
 A low murmur washed over the gathering hall of the Chesapeake Doomsayers. It had been a week since Election Day, and two weeks since their leader Head Jameson had'ascended.' 
 
 To jail. For tax evasion. No one was supposed to speak of it, so everyone did. 
 
 Which is how I heard about it. Brother Charles has met me near the entrance, speaking forbidden knowledge like it was small talk. 
 
 `` I mean, he was bound to get busted eventually.'' 
 
 `` Yeah.'' 
 
 We leaned against the back of the hall, the hoods on our robes lowered. Charles had a glass of punch from the refreshments. I had partaken of the tray of salami and crackers. The snacks were already worse, which did not bode well for the future. Brother Jameson had excellent shrimp. 
 
 Charles finished his punch, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. `` Do you even know who won?'' 
 
 I shrugged. `` What does it matter? Anyone can set up the monthly cookout.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, but what if they get the park by the wharf? Everything will smell like fish!'' Charles nearly hit me with his hand gestures. I was glad his cup was empty. `` I ca n't eat ribs and smell fish. It's wrong.'' 
 
 `` Relax. It'll be the same park as always.'' 
 
 The Monthly Gathering of Despondent Chanting had slowly devolved into a pork and ribs barbecue over the years. Nobody was complaining. Anything was better than chanting the names of the 200 Unspeakables for hours. It's not like they meant anything. Four of them were just part of the Seinfeld cast, and the guy that played Kramer was on there twice. 
 
 Brother Charles looked towards the stage. `` I just have a bad feeling.'' 
 
 `` You should say the Full Confidence mantra.'' I joked. There was one, in the Great Tiny Book of Indoctrines.'Indoctrines' was not even a word. It just sounded cult-y. 
 
 Above us, the lights dimmed. A drumroll began to play over the sound system. Fog poured out from backstage, and people near the front began to cough. A cloaked figure strode to the podium in time with the drums. Charles glanced at me. `` What the-'' 
 
 `` SILENCE!'' Came a booming voice, from above us. The recording cut out, leaving the hall with the sounds of faint shuffling, and creaks from the fans overhead. The murmur had stopped. 
 
 The figure at the front dropped his hood. In the back, Charles gasped. `` Brother Kevin...'' 
 
 Kevin had taken the podium. I wished that he was just there to announce the results, but with that entrance, I knew it was too good to be true. He eyed the crowd with sunken eyes and spoke. `` Greetings...'' 
 
 Kevin's voice was squeaky and ill-fitting. It was grating to hear. Along with his lanky frame and pointed face, he could've been mistaken for a teenage ostrich. He was in his 20s or 30s, so that fact was undeniably sad. Or, rather, funny, as several members across the room began to snicker. 
 
 Kevin pretended to ignore the laughter as he straightened his cue cards. `` I... would like to begin... by thanking all of my loyal supporters out there!'' 
 
 A few claps were scattered across the crowd. Most of us looked around to try and find any supporters. Kevin looked mildly crestfallen. He cleared his throat and continued. `` N-next...'' The new Head took a deep breath. `` There are some changes that need to be made.'' 
 
 I heard Charles murmur. `` Oh, shit.'' 
 
 Kevin raised a book above his head. It was yellow and had a piece of tape on the cover, but I could n't make out anything else. `` For too long we have neglected our purpose! These texts!'' Kevin began to shout past his microphone. `` We must rise to our true calling!'' He pounded his fist against the podium, causing it to retract. He moved it out of the way rather than fixing it. `` And I can show you the way.'' 
 
 Charles leaded over to me. `` Okay, this guy really is nuts.'' 
 
 I shook my head. `` Come on. He's probably just playing-'' 
 
 `` YOU!'' Came a squeaky shout from the front. Kevin's finger extended where the podium was, pointing out into the crowd. 
 
 Pointing right at me. 
 
 `` Come- come forward.'' Kevin stuttered into the microphone. 
 
 I smiled at Charles. `` Just watch. I'll play along too.'' 
 
 My heart dropped a little out of nerves, making my way up to the stage. Kevin beckoned for me to stand next to him. He ducked backstage, rolling out a rectangular seat with red padding. I eyed it with a bit of suspicion. `` What's that for?'' 
 
 `` Brother Isaac!'' Kevin squeaked, though I had n't told him my name. `` P-please raise your hood and lay upon the cushion.'' 
 
 `` Yes, sir, Head Kevin!'' I said with a wavering grin, laying back on the seat. I was n't afraid. It was just nerves. 
 
 Kevin bit his lip as he looked at me. `` On- on your stomach.'' He whispered. I turned over for him, staring at the wood of the stage. I heard Kevin step to my right, behind the cushion on wheels. 
 
 He continued his speech. `` In truth, our mission was simple! We were to speak of the end of the world as Lord Jerry the Unmentionable was to bring it about.'' I heard him shift as he reached into his robes. Something wet dripped across the back of my robe. It smelt like lavender. 
 
 `` However, we have forgotten even that! We have neglected the texts that I alone have studied!'' Kevin dropped something, which rolled in front of my face. It was a small vial. 
 
 `` And so... today, I will teach you all the way to Lord Jerry. I will teach you to truly speak, to live, and to rise with me. We shall bring about the end ourselves, as it is written!'' 
 
 I could see his podium from here. The yellow book read `` Sacrifice,'' and the text covered by masking tape obviously read `` For Dummies.'' I could almost feel my heart stop. `` Wait!'' 
 
 I tried to struggle off the cushion, but I was n't moving. My breathing became shallow as Kevin continued. `` For too long we have used strips of pig rather than the true offering!'' Kevin drew something from his robes again, and gasps filled the room. I heard Charles shout my name, but I could n't look at him. 
 
 I tried to call out, but my screams fell silent. Kevin shouted behind me. `` Lord Jerry, I pray to you now!'' 
 
 Screams drowned everything but our new Supreme Master. `` Fill us... with your power.'' 
 
 In that moment, I could move. I could feel. I saw a brightness light up the faces under the hoods in the hall. I heard their cries. I felt their fears. I rose. 
 
 I was ascending.
