[ WP ] People that die in the ocean become mermaids

`` Captain Blackscruff, By the Pirate Lords!'' First Swabby Ryan exclaimed. 
 
 Blackscruff burst out with a hefty guffaw which seemed to ripple through the ocean he now bobbed in, `` Yarr Ryan, didja miss me?'' 
 
 `` Bless me britches Cap'n, you were... you were,'' Ryan stammered, leaning over the portside railing of their little ship, the Inebriated Roger 
 
 `` Down for too long? Yes I suppose so, but then the most amazin' thing happened.'' 
 
 `` Cap'n, you... umm...'' Ryan started, 
 
 `` You see I was chasing this glow in the deep water, when suddenly the currents sucked me down into an undersea chasm. I thought I would die, but then they called to me.'' 
 
 `` Cap...'' Ryan's eyes bulged with a sense of urgency, but Blackscruff did n't seem to notice 
 
 `` I heard the most beautiful voices calling to me, more beautiful than even those of all the sirens I've beached the Roger for in the past, callin' for me, Blackscruff his own true self! So, I did the unthinkable, I swam down...'' 
 
 `` Ummm....'' Ryan interjected 
 
 `` Dammit boy, lem me finish. So, I swam down, and I felt my vision begin to fade, but just as it did, a light shone out from Davy Jone's briny depths and I was surrounded by these beautiful maidens... no, Mermaidens!'' 
 
 `` Mermaidens, uhhh... Cap!'' Ryan the Swabby looked as though he might burst at the gills if he did n't get a word in edgewise. 
 
 `` Aye, thrice as beautiful as any lass on land, and thrice again as buxom and busty!'' Blackscruff shook with laughter again, and the ocean seemed to laugh with him. `` They spoke to me, wonderously, sonorously, asking me to lay with them, to lay with sea, and be as one. Ho ho! Let me tell ye, Blackscruff has never met a finer proposition!'' 
 
 Ryan forced out a chuckle, then resumed his previous bewildered expression, `` But Cap...'' 
 
 `` Oh it was wonderous lad, all those girls swimming about me, touching every inch o' skin, and they sang such wondrous songs, I felt the cold chill of the depths stripped from my bones, with a warmth so mighty it propelled me straight to the surface. And here I bob before ye lad, a man who has lain with the sea'' Blackscruff triumphantly bellowed, letting out an equally bellowing laugh from his scurvy toothed mouth. 
 
 `` Cap'n!'' the still-bewildered Swabby squawked, his voice insistent and urging. 
 
 `` Ahhh out with it, you babbling buffoon, what could possibly be so important that ye hafta almost interrupt me tale o' glory?!'' Blackscruff spat 
 
 `` Captain Blackscruff... YE GOT TITS'' 
 
 Blackscruff looked, his saber-scarred face inclining his one good eye down, down past his crooked nose, his namesake scruff that never quite grew into a full beard, to his now buxom chest, jiggling and jostling in the waves, nipples only barely covered by two pink seashells. 
 
 Captain Blackscruff, terror of the Seven Seas, had tits. 
 
 The moral of this tale: If the sea ever resurrects its dead as mermaids, Mermaids are gon na get a lot less hot. 
 
 *Edit: for spelling and junk
