[ CC ] Lines and Numbers

Just gon na browse through since no one else has. I'm at work so I ca n't give a very detailed response. Also, I do n't tend to point out good stuff because you do n't need to change good stuff so do n't be disheartened if I do n't say a lot of nice things. 
 
 > I'm following a line. It goes along the sidewalk. Lines are easy to follow, so I follow the line. 
 
 I dislike the pace here. Two short sentences together generally sets up something with a lot of impact. Your long sentence ( the third one ) is rather redundant, especially because you repeat that he's following the line. I get that you're setting up a *dumb* character but as the opening to your story I think you should try to create more of a hook. 
 
 > I ca n't remember anything after a few seconds, or maybe it was an hour. 
 
 Feels like a semi-colon or a full stop would be more apt here as it's two distinct trains of thought relating to the same topic. 
 
 > I close the notebook, put it away, and stand up. 
 
 Again, realise he's meant to be dumb but you're already using a lot of short sentences to highlight simplicity. This sentence has a lot of telling instead of showing. At this point it's getting a bit difficult to read. 
 
 Your story telling style did n't change much so I do n't get much sense of a journey. Was expecting it to evolve as the character changes. If you're not going for that kind of change, excessive use of short sentences makes it very disjointing to read. It's better when your story flows. 
 
 Ending was a little anti-climactic considering the recurring motif of him forgetting something ( assumed it was something big ). Also, his father did n't come home? So his sundial thing does n't work? 
 
 Was a fairly interesting read. I'm a fan of using recurring motifs as they are excellent tools for building suspense.
