[ WP ] Desperate for research funds , a group of scientists created a highly lucrative , if somewhat embarrassing business . They now have to explain this to a senate committee .

“ It was really just a matter of realizing that all pants are quantumly entangled to the master pair of pants. ” Doctor Feinstein coughed awkwardly, took a sip of water, and then leaned back into the microphone. “ From that point we only had to identify the alpha pants and vaporize them. ” 
 
 Senator Blondechek drummed his fingers on the table, clearly annoyed. He hated being bullied, especially by a group of nerds. A breeze wafted over his knees and he crossed his legs in an attempt to stay warm. “ You do realize what you have done can be classified as high treason don ’ t you? ” Doctor Feinstein blinked in surprise and adjusted his glasses. “ I hardly think a nonviolent demonstration such as this warrants that accusation. It ’ s not like we exposed state secrets. ” Senator Ruffels pounded his fist down on the table and shouted through a beet red face, “ God dammit man, don ’ t you get it? Every service man and woman is without pants. The commander in chief is without pants. General George GODDAMN Washington is lying in his grave without pants! ” 
 
 Doctor Feinstein raised his index finger diminutively and piped up, “ Excuse me Senator but I think President Washington is little more than a skeleton at this point. ” An audible gasp arose from the audience behind him as the Senators on the committee shook their heads in disbelief. Senator Goodwill leaned forward into the microphone. She was a small woman with a bob haircut but fiercely aggressive. “ Doctor you disgust me. ” The scientist paused for a moment contemplating then shrugged his shoulders. “ That may be Senator but the facts of the matter remain. Unless you increase funding and grants in the fields of theoretical and applied physics… there will never be pants again. ” 
 
 There was a long silence as everyone in the room processed this idea. Senator Hearting the chair of the committee, who had remained silent this whole time, finally spoke up. “ Fine, I will support a bill before congress to increase funding. ” He raised his hand as the other Senators began to shout in objection. “ I will have order! …Thank you. Now, I don ’ t like this any more than the rest of you. But I don ’ t think we are left with any other choice. We must never forget this day when the mighty U.S. Government was brought low by a filthy group of… *scientists*. ” 
 
 Doctor Feinstein nodded his head with satisfaction as he listened. He began to like the feeling of power. It was time for the men and woman of science to stand up! They knew what was best for the human race after all. They should be in charge and they had the means to make it happen. 

