[ WP ] Due to a strange turn of events , you now possess the devil 's soul .

“ Listen, I ’ m sorry. I was just going into the kitchen for a lil late night snack, that ’ s all. ” Jeff pleaded to himself inside his grubby three room apartment. 
 
 *What do you mean you went to the kitchen. My being used to reside in the ninth level of Hell. How did you come to possess me! * A vile, insidious voice boomed out inside of Jeff ’ s head. 
 
 “ I-I don ’ t know. I was just walking to the fridge, and then I just kept walking, and walking. ” Jeff stammered out, his sweaty double chins jiggling from fear. “ And then there was this lake of fire, and some guy in a suit telling me where to go. I dunno, then this shining glass bottle found its way into my hands and I just kind of went with it. ” 
 
 *YOU WENT WITH IT? * The Devil ’ s voice boomed inside of Jeff ’ s head. *YOU JUST FUCKING WENT WITH IT AND DECIDED TO DRINK THE PURE ESSENCE OF MY SOUL THINKING IT WAS A GLASS OF FUCKING MILK! * 
 
 Jeff paced around the room, nervous and afraid. “ Listen, I ’ m sorry okay. I don ’ t like this anymore than you. That milk didn ’ t even taste any good either. ” 
 
 *IT DIDN ” T TASTE GOOD? * The Devil roared with outrage. *YOU SIMPLE FUCK! GET MY SOUL OUT OF YOU THIS INSTANT. I NEED TO RETURN TO HELL, TO MY DOMAIN! * 
 
 Jeff winced from the Devil ’ s voice. He sat down on his E-Z chair and screwed his eyes shut. 
 
 “ Okay, okay. But could you stop yelling. You ’ re giving me a headache. I ’ m sure there ’ s some way that we can fix this. ” 
 
 The Devil was silent for a moment, giving Jeff a respite from the incessant headache. Jeff was just as unhappy as the Devil about all of this. He had just finished working a shitty twelve hour shift at the hospital, and all he ’ d wanted to do was come home, have a tall glass of milk, and crash on his worn down mattress. Now, instead of that, he was getting crazy tummy cramps, and some demon rattling around inside of his head. 
 
 *Listen, I ’ ve got an idea. * The devil piped up, interrupting Jeff ’ s miserable little thoughts. 
 
 “ What ’ s that? ” 
 
 *Easy, you summon one of my minions. Maybe a lesser demon without a mouth, that way the little fucker can ’ t tell anyone. * 
 
 “ How ’ s that going to solve anything? ” Jeff asked. 
 
 The devil let out an annoyed sigh. *You need to let me finish. You summon one of my demons, and command it to cut you open. I ’ m sure if it digs around inside of you, it ’ ll find my soul and set me free! * 
 
 Jeff ’ s eyes bulged at the suggestion, a wave of panic started to rise up within him. 
 
 “ Um, I don ’ t really like the sound of that. I ’ d rather not get carved up like a turkey. ” 
 
 *Oh you big pansy, so what you get carved up one time? Big deal. When you go to Hell in twenty three years, six months, five days, and four thousand seconds from now, you ’ ll be wishing that all we do to you is carve you up. * 
 
 “ Wh-wh-what? ” Jeff stuttered out, absolutely terrified. “ Is-is that when I ’ m going to die? ” 
 
 The Devil gave out a chuckle. *What, is that what you ’ re concerned about, when you ’ re going to die? Not the fact that you ’ re already destined for hell. God, why do I always get stuck with the simpletons of Earth. * 
 
 Jeff sat in his E-Z boy, paralyzed by fear. Tears began to well at the corners of his eyes. Soon Jeff was a blubbering mess, crying and yelling at the tops of his lungs. Snot bubbled and dribbled from his nose. 
 
 “ I didn ’ t want this! ” Jeff cried out. “ All I wanted was a glass of milk and to go to bed, now I ’ m going to die and go to hell. ” He blubbered. 
 
 *You were going to die and go to hell anyways you idiot. Now get it together and figure out someway to get me out of here, it ’ s absolute hell having my soul stuck in your disgusting digestive tract. * 
 
 The Devil ’ s words fell on deaf ears. Jeff was too absorbed in his misery to pay the terrifying voice in his head any mind. Soon Jeff forgot all about the Devil, too focused on feeling poorly for himself to remember exactly why he felt poorly. 
 
 A while after Jeff ’ s crying, when his tears had dried up, he started to feel a bit ill. Something in his stomach was troubling him. As he sat in his E-Z boy, lamenting his ill turn of fate, his stomach began to rumble. Jeff ’ s eyes popped open. He jumped out of his chair. With determination, the large man waddled to the bathroom. 
 
 Jeff planted himself on the toilet, and held on for dear life as something monstrous came out. Through the sweating, grunting, and clenching, Jeff thought he heard a faint, familiar voice. As he flushed the toilet, he thought he heard the voice yelling at him, promising him years of damnation. Jeff shrugged, and washed his hands, already completely forgetting his brief encounter with the Lord of Hell. He emerged form the bathroom, feeling relaxed. His gaze turned towards the kitchen. Maybe a glass of milk to relax him before heading off to bed for the night.
