[ WP ] Everyone has a soul mate . EVERYONE . Even Cthulhu .

`` Krdrrrmrawwdrestryefkjfonvoemrrrr!'' 
 
 
 `` You do n't look ridiculous in a tie.'' 
 
 
 `` Breufonvrrreksadcrealscrawwwww! 
 
 
 `` Look, it'll be for like two hours, three tops.'' 
 
 
 `` Mreaslkvvurtylkcc.'' 
 
 
 `` Yes, well, they're a bit old-fashioned, what can I say?'' 
 
 
 `` Thrasrshggyuerachh'' 
 
 
 `` Yeah, yeah, we all know all about how you're `` the real Old One.'' 
 
 
 `` Grutyghiaonovioapeld-'' 
 
 
 Sandy kissed Cthulu on the cheek- he'd shrink down to human size when with her- and stroked a tentacle. `` Just do this one little thing for me, babe. It means so much to me. It's important to me that they like you.'' 
 
 
 `` Hreoucnpflulfydferdugayclehghelhl,'' said Cthulu, pout stomping his way into the closet. He hated wearing ties. The knot against his throat seemed wrong and inhuman. Not that he was human, but everyone one, even Old Ones like to think of themselves as, at the very least, humanesque. Besides, his tentacles would cover up half the tie. He just did n't see the point, but he supposed that in this case the attempt would be enough. It would have to be. 
 
 
 `` Brffutyecccvaerooeuoryouofjff?'' asked Cthulu. Hopefully this would make his decision easier. 
 
 
 `` Oh, that black dress with the empire waist.'' 
 
 
 Cthulu sighed through his tentacles. Everything goes with black. He no idea what tie to choose; there were so many to choose from! Novelty ties that lit up, ties with stripes, polka dotted ties, solid colors- and then he found it. This, this was the tie. 
 
 
 It took him a good ten minutes of fumbling with the fabric before he got the knot right. He was n't sure if it was a windsor, double-windsor, half-windsor: whatever the fuck it was, it looked a real tie knot. He strolled into the bedroom, feeling reasonably pleased with himself until- 
 
 
 `` What the hell is that?'' 
 
 
 ``... Myrhdfkdasljlbuklej.'' 
 
 
 `` Yes, I know it's a tie, but you ca n't wear that!'' 
 
 
 `` Trehadjklugknkanlvmdkdrueapbnhdfdfjpefjldfjdla?'' 
 
 
 `` Because a tie covered in cat asses is n't appropriate for meeting my parents!'' 
 
 
 `` Gradvvnidohpfeaffljldkljfeo,'' chuckled Cthulu. He liked it. No only did he think seeing the lifted tail rumps of cats to be funny, he also thought it was kinda cute. He'd read somewhere that when cats had their tails lifted like that, it meant that they were happy. Plus, he thought their little rosy sand dollar buttholes were so interesting to look at. Then again, Cthulu found buttholes in general to be fascinating: he was an ass-man afterall. `` Mrjeoiafjxxxx,'' said Cthulu still giggling. 
 
 
 `` However funny it may be, I need you to look like a put together adult! Not some stoned teenager crashing prom.'' 
 
 
 `` Vaeroeufdsanfnln-'' 
 
 
 `` Goddamnit, Cthulu, so help me-'' 
 
 
 `` Qerusalfkndskfnd! Qerusalfkndskfnd,'' said Cthulu scuttling back into the closet. Until this moment, he had n't properly appreciated the acute amount of stress and nerves she had about him meeting her parents. Resolving to be more careful and conscious of Sandy's feelings, Cthulu stripped himself of the cat anus tie, and began searching for something more formal. 
 
 
 After fifteen minutes of hemming and hawing, he settled on a lavender tie with silver and black diagonal stripes. He figured the bright, but soft color would make him look youthful and energetic. Also, it contrasted nicely with his sewer gray skin tone. Surely, this was the tie. 
 
 
 He returned into the living room beaming. He imagine in his mind's eye himself with black business cards, printed on high quality stock, with lime green letters that said `` Cthulu: Business Professional.'' Yes, he certainly looked like a young, on the up and up professional. Sandy's parents would be impressed. 
 
 
 `` Terehavjoughenfdya?'' he asked with a somewhat rhetorical tone. He knew the answer after all. 
 
 
 `` Well... baby... I think it looks nice, but...'' Cthulu's heart sank at her tone. It turned out he did n't know the answer after all. ``... I'm concerned about what my father might think.'' 
 
 
 `` Uijknkndnalfkoenfeoa?'' replied Cthulu, feeling defensive. 
 
 
 `` He... there's no good way to put this: he thinks purple is a color for gay people,'' answered Sandy, wincing at her father's bigotry. 
 
 
 `` Freufndfnd.'' 
 
 
 `` Lavender is a shade of purple.'' 
 
 
 `` Verusoafndnkllll.'' 
 
 `` I get that it's 2017 and they need-'' 
 
 
 `` Rekrjasffkdsjalnnklnklnnklnkn.'' 
 
 
 `` And I agree, obviously, we both know I'm bi, but they're my parents.'' Cthulu took a sharp breath and glanced at the ceiling. It bothered him whenever Sandy brought up her sexuality. He was definitely an ally, and he firmly believed people were free to love whomever they wanted to, and moreover that it was perfectly natural. Just when it came to her, he felt particularly insecure at the idea that she was attracted to women. He felt confident when it came to other men, but it worried him that she might be happier with a woman. He was profoundly not a woman, and maybe women might offer her something more, something she needed, that he could n't. But now was n't the time to engage in his petty neuroses. The tie was more important. 
 
 
 `` Gehsouthhfffrjeklajoucnltn.'' 
 
 
 `` I know, I'm not happy about it, I do n't like that my parents are a little behind the times-'' 
 
 
 `` Dreaionlknlbmalkjd,'' said Cthulu, righteous and indignant. 
 
 
 `` Yes, they're homophobic, prejudiced, stubborn-'' she burst into tears- `` It's, just, that, they're, my, parents, and, I, know, that its not, okaa-hay-hay, but they're, gon na, die soon, and they're, still, my, parents, and-'' She descended into full blown sobs and could n't finish her thought. Cthulu looked around the room and sighed. 
 
 
 `` Jreraoijnvkelkanlkn,'' he said, taking Sandy into his arms and rubbing her back. `` Wqoasidufsnklsnknbkl.'' 
 
 
 `` No, no, I do n't want you, to change, your tie. They're, adults, and they'll just, have to deal.'' 
 
 
 `` Uralhgnsanklnklne.'' 
 
 
 `` No,'' said Sandy, regaining her composure and looking into his swamp colored eyes, `` I love you, I think you look great, and who cares what they think. I'm proud of you and I'm proud to be with you.'' 
 
 
 `` Lfjiajfijfioeaigaklnk,'' said Cthulu, smiling and kissing her forehead. 
 
 
 `` Come on baby, let's go. And if they decide to act like assholes, we'll just leave. Fuck'em.'' 
 
 
 They shared a tender kiss, descended the stairs, went out the front door, and got into the car. Cthulu looked over at Sandy, trying his best to look reassuring as he turned the engine over. She reached over, squeezed his hand, and gave him small smile, accepting his reassurance. They then went on their way.
