[ WP ] You are Adam , and you are dropping hints to God about your perfect `` type '' ... .

Adam ran up to God and punched him in the shoulder. `` Hey, God, is n't it about time that we add another creature to Eden?'' 
 
 `` What are you talking about?'' God frowned and adjusted his robes. `` I just added mosquitoes yesterday. Are n't they cool?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, awesome.'' Adam scratched the red welts on his thigh. `` But I was thinking, well...'' He looked between his legs, pouting. 
 
 `` What, is n't the tree with many holes enough?'' God shook his head in disbelief. Why had he chosen to give Adam sentience over the many nicer and less demanding fish species he had created? 
 
 `` No, it's not about that! I need a mate.'' Adam dropped to his knees and tugged on God's robes. `` I need someone to wake up to each day. I need someone to fall asleep with each night. I need someone to caress, to snuggle with, arm-in-arm, cheek-to-cheek.'' 
 
 `` Gross.'' God gagged into the cuff of his sleeve. `` If you'll wait a billion or so years, a likeminded subsection of your descendants will invent these things called'dakimakuras.' They should be enough to satisfy your needs.'' 
 
 `` I ca n't wait that long,'' Adam whined, `` please, God, just this once...'' 
 
 `` Fine, but it's going to cost you a rib.'' God looked at the sun's position in the sky. `` Okay, if I go back to the lab now, I should have it done by tomorrow...'' 
 
 `` Wait! Do n't you want my input?'' 
 
 God remembered the last time Adam had contributed to creation design. `` What if we gave horns to horses?'' One look at that monstrosity, and he had canned that entire project. 
 
 `` Do I have to be honest?'' He did: he was supposed to be omnibenevolent, after all. God saw the sad look on Adam's face and sighed. `` Fine, give me your ideas.'' 
 
 `` Okay, well first of all...'' Adam pulled out a leaf he had been concealing God-knows-where. ``... she has to have eyes.'' 
 
 God nodded, and Adam continued. `` And hair. And a nose. And-'' 
 
 `` Okay, can we cut to the chase here?'' God folded his arms, resisting the urge to jump into the sky right then and there. 
 
 `` A butt.'' 
 
 `` Okay, but you're not allowed to use it for anything except waste expulsion.'' 
 
 ``... a face.'' 
 
 `` Adam...'' God cracked his knuckles menacingly. `` What do you really want?'' 
 
 Adam blushed. `` Well, God, I was hoping for... squishy things.'' He held out his hands and performed a squeezing motion. 
 
 `` Protruding breasts? Mammary glands? Is that it?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, sure. Whatever those are.'' Adam crossed his arms and turned away. `` And maybe,'' he mumbled, `` you could give her four of them?'' 
 
 `` Four? FOUR!'' God punched a tree over. `` You're getting two at most, you entitled son-of-a-deity.'' He picked up the tree and jettisoned it into space. `` I've had enough of this. You get one final request, and I'm out of here.'' 
 
 `` Fine.'' Adam sniffed. `` Could you... give her a tail?'' 
 
 God threw his hands up in disgust and airstomped into the sky, thunder crackling with each step. Overcome with anguish, Adam ran through the garden, crying out for his only source of comfort. Bessie gave him a consoling moo as he buried his face into her black-and-white hide. `` If only,'' Adam sobbed, `` if only.''
