[ WP ] You just got a job at a blood bank , only to realize every other employee is a vampire .

You have no idea how long it took me to land this job. Who am I kidding? Of course you do. Unless you've been living under a rock, the past few years have been economic boom times for everyone except for millenials. 
 
 You name it, I've done it. Server? Bartender? Ridiculously undersized bouncer? Phone sex operator? Door-to-door magazine subscription? I'd done it all. This was going to be my first adult job! Well, ok, maybe the phone sex gig was my first adult job but you know what I mean. This was a job with health insurance and a 401 ( k ). 
 
 After finally putting myself through graduate school, I got hired as a medical technologist. Ok, for you laypeople out there, dumbed down version, I test and confirm the accuracy of blood tests and when I do n't do that, I do sleep-inducing paperwork. I guess I should have figured out that something was weird when I saw the name of the blood bank - Gérard Choiseul's Royal Blood Bank of New Orleans. 
 
 Oh come on. It's New Orleans. Of course there is going to be some business with a funky name. And I desperately needed a job - like my girlfriend is giving me growingly less subtle hints that she wants a goddamned engagement ring at any minute now kind of desperate. So you know what? Bite me! Actually come to think of it, that was a rather poor choice of words. 
 
 So, first day on the job, and everything is great. The clinic is new, clean, has all these fancy equipment that smells like it just came out of the factory. The bank had no windows at all, but I did n't notice because it was so well lit. Fluorescent lamps and all. Yes, the place smelled like a bit too much disinfectant had been used, but after you've worked for an entire summer at Arby's, you can withstand just about any odor. 
 
 The lab supervisor, an unnaturally happy and spunky blonde named Shannon gave me the tour. 
 
 `` As you can see, Jason, our blood bank is n't that big, despite the rather pompous name, but it's a really nice place to work. Let me introduce you to the people you'll be working with. 
 
 `` This is Travis, the compliance coordinator. He's the one who has to make sure that everything we do here is strictly up to FDA standards.'' 
 
 Travis gave a smile and firm nod and went back to work. I smiled back and kept following Shannon. 
 
 `` And this is Françoise and Joséphine, our on-staff clinical nurses. They're the ones who help our clients to make their donations. Say hi to our new hire, ladies,'' Shannon said sweetly. 
 
 `` Bonjour,'' these buxom redheads replied in unison. 
 
 `` Er... bonjour'' I replied back, all the while trying my best to imagine my grandmother naked. It was the only thing I could do to make sure that I did n't get an erection right there. 
 
 They giggled as I turned around like as though they knew what I was thinking. 
 
 Bubbly Shannon, as I had decided to call her then, kept on going. `` And this is Janet. She's our in-house electrical engineer. She's the one who makes sure that the walk-in coolers remain operational.'' 
 
 Janet was a dour-looking frumpy woman on the wrong side of her forties. No concern for sexual harassment there! Janet grunted something under her breath and went back to her coffee. 
 
 `` And this is Sergei, our lab manager.'' Sergei had high imperial cheek bones, the downward sloping wide lips, and the eyes of a haughty aristocrat. In other words, how I always imagined Disney villains come to life would look like. Just like I imagined, he gave an arrogant `` hmpf'' for a greeting and walked into his office. 
 
 `` And you'll meet everyone else later. It's lunch time and they're all downstairs at the mess,'' Shannon said. `` Actually, the rest of us are headed downstairs for lunch now. Would you like to join us?'' 
 
 It was my first day. What was I going to say? No? That's not how you fit in with people whom you hope that you will work with for a long time. Of course I said I would. The fact that Françoise and Joséphine were motioning me to follow them downstairs did n't help. God, the things that I would do to them! Yeah, as it turned out, the proper phrase would have been `` The things they would do to me'' but I did n't know that at the time, did I? 
 
 Sergei stayed in his office. 
 
 `` Is n't Sergei joining us?'' I asked. 
 
 `` Oh no. Sergei prefers to eat alone. He has... peculiar tastes'' Shannon said with a slight tone of nervousness that I had not heard before. 
 
 When we reached downstairs, a rather unhealthy and skinny looking fellow was there to greet us. 
 
 `` Good afternoon, ladies. Travis. I see that we have someone new today,'' the creature said. 
 
 `` Jason. Jason Talbott.'' I said. 
 
 `` Talbott... I knew a Talbott once... a long time ago. Rather violent fellow...'' the creature said like as though he were attempting to recall something from eons ago. `` Oh but where are my manners? You look human. Will you be having the chicken or the fish for lunch?'' 
 
 `` Er... chicken, I guess,'' I said while looking around with a stupid and incredulous smile on my face.'' Françoise and Joséphine just giggled. God, the pillow fights they could be doing. No, focus, dammit. 
 
 `` And the usual for you, ladies?'' 
 
 `` Yes, Renfield,'' they replied. 
 
 `` Renfield? You mean like from Drac...'' I could n't finish my sentence as Shannon grabbed me by the arms and dragged me toward a table. `` Come on, Jason, I want to know everything about you.'' 
 
 But I could n't take another step. As I stepped inside the mess hall, I noticed that there were a dozen or so people eating together at a table. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Except there was also a dead naked woman lying on the middle of the table and she was full of bite marks.
