[ CW ] Noir Style - A dirty detective ( protagonist ) was recently saddled with an honest rookie for a partner and finally has to deal with him one way or another .

`` You're a dirty bird, Bert. A dirty, dirty bird.'' 
 
 He was hurt. He had a right to be. He'd just found out his relationship was a sham. Roommates? Partners? Detectives? It was a lot to take in. Ernest was his name. Ernie to those who knew him best. Forty years they'd known each other. Forty years working all kinds of jobs, but they'd only ever been partners for a short time. 
 
 `` You poked the pig, Ernie. This had to happen. This was going to happen. Did n't I tell you? I told you. Do n't poke the pig.'' 
 
 We were plush, but the gun in my hand was cold steel. A fat-barreled thirty-eight, with a chrome finish. He could see his reflection in the metal. 
 
 `` We were in love.'' Ernie snarled. 
 
 He held something in his pocket. A memento from her, no doubt. 
 
 `` Tell me Ernie. How'd it feel poking the pig? Did you make her squeal? Did you fry her bacon? Did you shove an apple in her mouth. We're Sesame Boys. Why'd you step out on us?'' 
 
 He'd been angry, but now, he just looked hurt. It was one thing to step out on Bert after being together, showering together, and working together. Ernie was finally seeing it from his old lover's perspective. 
 
 `` I did n't mean... I mean, I did n't think it would...'' Ernie was spiraling. 
 
 `` You did n't think I'd mind?'' 
 
 He ripped his shirt open showing Ernie the tattoo. 
 
 `` Sesame Boys.'' Bert snapped, throwing out their gang sign. `` We might be detectives now, but we were blood back then. And after all that, you go and poke the pig. Did Kermit mind? After all, you was making time with his bacon.'' 
 
 He watched Ernie's head drop in shame and saw his shoulders heave and shake as his shame bled out as tears. 
 
 `` I'm sorry, Bert. I'm frog-flippin' sorry, buddy. I -- I just really liked the taste of bacon.'' 
 
 Bert's dark brows unfurled for once. He felt something other than anger for a moment. Who did n't like the taste of bacon? He lowered the gun and walked closer. 
 
 `` Bacon taste good, little buddy.'' Bert told him. `` But, it's no good for you. I understand.'' 
 
 And, he did. 
 
 `` But, we were lovers, even though PBS would n't admit it. We're Seasame Boys for life. As your lover, as your partner, and because Oscar ordered it, fuck you Ernie. I'll miss your bad jokes.'' 
 
 He shoved the gun under Ernie's rib cage and pulled the trigger once, twice, and again. Holes appeared in his plush back and stuffing sprayed out all over the wall behind him. 
 
 `` You shot me, Bert. You shot me. You really shot me.'' 
 
 He eased Ernie down to the floor, and wept his plastic tears, they fell on Ernie's shirt, bedazzling it. 
 
 `` You fucking shot me, Bert. You -- You really are a dirty bird, Bert.'' 
 
 He watched as the glossy shine of Ernie's eyes faded like denim in the summer sun. His partner was dead. His lover. And, for what? An annoying Prima-donna pig and the taste of bacon she'd been giving out to muppets and plushy's all over town? He rose to his feet, and wiped away the glittering tears. It was time to put the plushy pig down.
