[ WP ] Planets orbit their stars . Stars orbit the center of their galaxy . We just found what all the galaxies are orbiting .

`` Good evening, I'm Alan with the local KCBT news; your most accurate station for weather and breaking news. We are currently following a developing story of a recent astrological discovery. Astronomers have confirmed that they now know what the galaxies are orbiting. We go live now to Jenna Haines who is joined by Dr. Kirk Iknowalotaboutscience - a top researcher and scientist in everything space.'' 
 
 `` Thank you, Alan. Scientists are now calling this the greatest scientific discovery since about an hour and a half ago. I'm here now with Dr. Iknowalotaboutscience who claims to have discovered gravity itself and has a degree in science. Doctor, would you explain a little about what we are currently seeing in our sky tonight?'' 
 
 `` I sure will Jenna. This black, blue, and white colored orb that recently appeared among the stars has raised quite a few questions in the past couple days. However, my colleagues and I can confirm, without a doubt, that this multicolored orb is quite literally, *the* center of the universe.'' 
 
 `` Wow, doctor. That is quite a discovery. Do we know what it is yet made of, or where it came from?'' 
 
 `` Well, Jenna, that's the interesting part. The center of the universe appears to be made of several fabrics: including cotton, wool and many more. Even more so confusing, is that our super advanced technology has led us to believe that the center of the universe has n't always been there. In fact, it appears to have started as a very small object - smaller than you and I even. It first began around the early 20th century, 1930 specifically, and ever since has continued to grow.'' 
 
 `` How fascinating Dr. Kirk. We'll now go back to Alan who will continue to update you as the story progresses.'' 
 
 `` Thanks Jenna, it's always a pleasure. Calls are now coming into KCBT and several stations across the US criticizing this historical event as just a hoax, that Dr. Kirk Iknowalotaboutscience is n't even a real scientist, and that I should *fuck Jenna right in the pussy*. God damn it, who put that on the teleprompter? Was it the intern? It was Cody was n't it? Fuck Cody.... Sorry for the interruption folks, we're now taking in some callers to hear your thoughts on this astounding revelation. This is Dave from Daleville, Alabama. Go ahead Dave.'' 
 
 `` Hey ya'll. Look, this may not be the right time, but I got a real important question to ask. My son Chucky is in the fourth grade and has got a scientifical project that's fixin' to be due tomorra', and I am just in a real doozy at the moment. Ya following what I'm sayin'?'' 
 
 `` We at KCBT are following you loud and clear Dave. What appears to be the dilemma?'' 
 
 `` Well, my son Chucky wanted to do one of em' volcaner splosion projects for school, so I went to Walmart to pick em up some baking soda and vinegar. So I get here and would you believe it when I tell you that there's more than one type of vinegar? This dang paper here do n't tell me whether I need balsamic or apple cider vinegar to make the right explosion. Chucky already said that putting in some firecrackers would n't work, so I was wonderin' if you could ask that scientist feller' whic -- 
 
 `` Hold on Dave, I'm sorry to cut your call short, but folks, you *will not* believe this. If I'm hearing this correctly, the center of the universe has **exploded**. Jenna is back live at the scene to cover it.'' 
 
 `` Alan, this is truly incredible. Everyone is standing outside their San Diego homes to get a look at this night sky after hearing probably the largest explosion they've ever heard. Dr. Iknowalotaboutscience, can you explain what has just happened?'' 
 
 `` Well from the readings I'm currently getting Jenna, it would appear that the center of the universe simply acquired to much mass to handle, and as a result, exploded.'' 
 
 `` This is a truly incredible night... hold on, what's this? Frank are you getting this shot? I ca n't quite believe my eyes, but, yes it appears that there are now hundreds of thousands of socks raining from the sky. One has just landed on Dr. Kirk Iknowalotaboutscience. Doctor, can you trace these socks' origin?'' 
 
 `` Already am, Jenna. My scanner is showing me readings that suggest these socks originated in... *laundry room dryers*.'' 
 
 `` Are you telling me Dr. Kirk that the center of the universe was the culmination of each individual sock that mysteriously disappeared from dryers across the globe?'' 
 
 `` That is what it appears. I would hypothesize that at some point during the drying cycle, these dryers somehow created an inter-dimensional vortex that sucked a single sock from countless pairs of socks and teleported them to what was the center of the universe. This resulted in the massive sock orb we saw tonight and explains the common day inconvenience.'' 
 
 `` Astonishing, this will go down in history books. What an incredible night it's been, and a surprising finish to a astrological phenomenon. What do you think, Alan?'' 
 
 `` Jenna, I would say that house elves across the world are celebrating. I would also add, that if someone comes across a single green and red reindeer sock that was knitted by my grandma, to please return it. Well viewers, we're going to have to take a commercial break, but be sure to tune in at 11pm when we discuss the recent controversial claim that Obama is in fact, a Jedi Knight. As always folks, you heard it first on KBCT.'' 
 
 
 

