[ WP ] Gods of the Norse pantheon are disguised as human and running a restaurant . It 's not going well . Gordon Ramsey shows up to help .

I am reminded by my lawyers that the SIDEBAR contains all the sub's rules, and failure to comply to them will result in a ban. 
 
 I am also compelled to write a DISCLAIMER: There are sentences in this text that might infuriate/offend some people; there is censored swearing; read at your risk. 
 ________________________________________ 
 
 `` Absolutely disgusting'', said Gordon, `` disgusting. What the # & $ % were you thinking?'' 
 
 `` It is not for a mere mor-, I mean I thought I was making Risotto...'' 
 
 `` This?'' Gordon flings the plate into the wall. It shatters into a thousand pieces, but the Risotto stays where it was thrown, thicker than mud. `` This is n't a risotto, this is a f & # ing disaster!'' 
 
 The whole kitchen holds its breath. It is not for common mortals, peasants bound to time and servitude, to talk down to the All-Father. Odin tries to stay his wrath, but the thunderstorm raging outside seems to only fuel him further. 
 
 Gordon directs himself to Thor, who is on the meat counter tendering a beef with a gigantic hammer. `` What is this, huh, blondie? What's this?'' 
 
 `` I devote my time to tender this hardened meat.'' 
 
 `` With a f # $ % ing sledgehammer? Look at that thing, just, just look at it! You'll make my beef look like frozen carpet slices! Jesus, just use the meat tenderer!'' 
 
 `` Who?'' 
 
 `` The meat tenderer, right here!'' Turning on the machine, Gordon passes the beef through it, and the magic is done - without thunders, this time. Leaving Thor to his existential crisis, he turns his attention to Loki, standing in the vegetable counter looking undecisively at... something. 
 
 `` Oh, my God, what is this... what have you done to my lettuce?'' 
 
 `` I have arranged it.'' 
 
 `` In the shape of an owl? Why? How? How mad must you be, to waste all your f # $ % ing time making a statue out of lettuce! Lettuce! Who wants a statue made of food, tell me?'' 
 
 `` I'd relish it.'' 
 
 `` You'd relish the sole of my boot up yours, you absolute madman! You want to waste your time so hard, go make a giant Ice statue!'' 
 
 `` Giant? ``, asks Odin, from across the room, his attention suddenly turned from trying to scrape the Risotto off the wall. `` Ice? Where is it? I shall vanquish this foul beast!'' 
 
 And Gordon sighs, as he tries to understand how he got here. It was n't common for him to come to New Jersey, but he always wondered why. Well, at least now he knows.
