[ CW ] A multi-billionaire offers you 100 million to kill a stranger ...

`` Before me was *him*. No not that man ( although you wish it was ) and not that man either.'' 
 
 Bill Gates paused as his audience suddenly stopped talking to stare. 
 
 `` The ma- If you keep saying names I will just keep saying no. STOP you swine! He-'' 
 
 `` THAT DOES IT!'' 
 
 Bill Gates stood up, his glasses askew and his lips puckered as he surveyed the entire hall, everyone silent as they watched Bill break down completely in front of them. He pointed at a gentlemen in the back, his middle finger twitching as he unconsciously harrumphed in anger. 
 
 `` Whomever kills zat man with his or her pinky finger, I give VUN HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAH!'' 
 
 A shocked silence filled the hall as Bill Gates continued to harrumph and cough as he played with his pocket watch. After a minute he looked up and saw that no one had moved. His nostrils flared in annoyance as he fell to his knees, his hankerchief falling out of his pocket and onto the floor as he screamed at the crowd. 
 
 `` Forget my horribleh German accent and kill him! Slay him with your pinky fingers and nothing else! Feast upon his flesh and make me a cape! GO FORTH, MY LITTLE PRETTIES!'' 
 
 The crowd surged up as one, their confusion suddenly morphed into an insane urge to kill the gentlemen in the back with only their pinky fingers. 
 
 As they moved forward to kill the gentlemen leapt forward, swinging his black umbrella in a graceful arc while spraying his can of mace. 
 
 `` Back, you mindless wretches!'' The gentlemen drawled, his feet dancing back and forth as he quickly succumbed to the brawl. 
 
 Soon the man was overcome, and as the crowd jumped upon him in an inhumane dog pile, Bill Gates had to add his own, special rule. 
 
 `` Stop your freaks!'' Bill Gates shrieked. 
 
 `` Approach him one at a time and poke him once only. Once this is done go to the back of the line and continue as such. BRING DEATH UPON OUR FOE!'' 
 
 `` GATTTEEESSSSZZZZ!!'' The crowd whispered, as they all got into line as to poke as the man watched them wearily, puzzlement stretching his British features into something that was British². 
 
 *Two Minutes Later* 
 
 `` By the power of Ford, someone finish him off!'' Bill yelled from atop his position on the scaffolding. No one knew how he got up there, but at this point everyone knew. No one was to question the Bill. *Ever*. 
 
 Suddenly a young man broke forth from the line, his face alight with the prospect of victory and his pants near the floor as he forgot to wear his belt. He flew, his two pinkies extended like twin sabers as they exploded through the gentlemen's head, his blood splattering everyone as he dropped into a roll and jumped up. 
 
 From atop his scaffold Bill clapped, and with a terrific fart slowly descended down from his perch to greet his denizens and towards the one who he had promised a just reward. 
 
 `` A little... unconventional, but the Bill is pleased!'' Gates laughed, and pulled a check from his pocket, which was covered in gold and gems. 
 
 `` Ewww only 20 karat,'' Bill sneezed, and flicked the chunks off towards the stranger. 
 
 The man did not even blink as the gold showered over him, and merely extended his hand. 
 
 Bill's eyes narrowed for an instant, but shockingly he laughed, his single chin reverberating from the pitch; and causing the stranger's mask to be blown off to reveal his true identity. 
 
 `` JOOOOBBBBSSSS!'' Bill spluttered as the Steve laughed, snatching the already signed check and disappearing to who knows where. 
 
 `` I will find you, if I have to follow you to the ends of the earth if I have to. Do you hear me JOBSES?! TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!'' 
 
 The Bill fell to his knees, sobbing as the crowd disappeared to clean off their clothes and to pawn off their new found loot. But the Gates did n't care, as he was already plotting his revenge. 
 
 -- -- -- 
 
 *Sweet baby Jehovah this went on longer that I intended. Oh well, enjoy it /u/RyanKinder. I sure did. *
