[ WP ] You are a surgeon in modern time . You 're doing a routine surgery to remove some poor sap 's appendix . All is going well until you notice something off . This man has an extra organ that you have never seen before . On top of that , it 's glowing .

`` I do n't think --'' I start, but then realize I am the only conscious person in the operating room. 
 
 The end of that sentence, by the way, was going to be ``... I ever saw this in a medical book''. 
 
 My first operation. First. Like, I graduated yesterday. Literally. 
 
 Like I'm still wearing the same underwear from the party. 
 
 And this guy. This mustache attached to a person, all fancy suit and scarlet ray ban glasses, he shows up at my office, a couple of hours from now. 
 
 `` What's going on?'' He says, and somehow, his voice sounds like the Eighties. 
 
 `` What do you need sir?'' I say, from behind my desk and insecurity. 
 
 `` My appendix removed. What's going on, babe?'' That last part was for Patti, my secretary, who had walked in to 
 give me some papers. 
 
 `` What are you doing after this? Wan na play nurse?'' He asks, smiling golden teeth and cigarette breath at the girl. 
 
 `` Huh... I do n't know'' Patti answers, and leaves the room, blushing. 
 
 So I scheduled him for operation the same day -- today, that is -- and now there I was, looking at, yeah, his 
 intestines, his appendix... But also... 
 
 Also a glowing little spherical thing. And I have no idea what it is. And what do I do? 
 
 I do n't know. This is my first day. 
 
 The man, on the way to the operating room, he was the definition of smooth. 
 
 On the hospital elevator, to a woman with a broken leg, he whispered, `` I'd carry you around to the edge of the 
 world and back forever, babe. Just give me a smile.'' 
 
 She was eighty three. 
 
 From his wheelchair, to the receptionist of the hospital, he smiled and, when she asked us `` how can I help you?'' he 
 was all like `` You've done enough already, just by looking at me with those emerald blue eyes. But can I ask one more thing?'' 
 
 `` What?'' The receptionist responded, between a giggle and a blush. 
 
 `` Can you call my mother? Tell her that I found the woman of my dreams?'' 
 
 And she went `` oooh'', and he got her number. 
 
 That guy, man. That mustache, leather jacket, appendicitis-riddled motherfucker. He was smooth all the way. 
 
 `` What do I do, what do I do?'' I ask myself now, looking around the room and inside his belly. `` What the hell is 
 that?'' 
 
 `` Well, hello'' I hear that 80's detective TV show voice. The man is up. 
 
 Like, his belly is open in front of me and he is up. Sits upright on the operating table. 
 
 He lights a cigarette. 
 
 `` What is going on?'' I ask, trying not to despair. 
 
 Failing to, at that. 
 
 `` What do you mean?'' He asks, running his hand through his shoulder lengh, oily hair. 
 
 `` What is that on your belly, dude? It's glowing.'' I ask, almost in tears. 
 
 He takes a deep drag from the cigarette, and washes it down with a gulp from a flask he takes from God knows 
 where. He looks down at his open belly, and the shinny thing, then back at me. 
 
 He smiles. 
 
 `` Careful with that.'' 
 
 `` WHAT IS THAT?'' 
 
 He smiles again. Flickers the cigarette away. Winks at me. 
 
 `` My pussy magnet.'' 
 
 Then he's out again, and I got ta find his appendix. 
 
 __________________________ 
 
 *Thanks for reading! For more stories on pussy magnets ( not really ), check out /r/psycho_alpaca = ) * 

