[ WP ] A man wonders about a girl he met 5 years ago at a wedding party .

Over the years, Nick had learnt that wallowing in self-pity is nowhere near as interesting as it sounds. 
 
 All you did was sit there, alone and bored, hoping to find the answer to your problems at the bottom of a bottle identical to the one in the hand of the man next to you. 
 
 Everything always seemed identical to him these days. It was all the same. Everyone had the same troubles, lived on the same time, and lived the same lives. 
 
 Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. 
 
 **She** could have changed all that. 
 
 At least, he thought so. How could he even know? He never gave himself the chance to find out. Would it just be the same relationship as everyone around them, or would it be something special? There were so many ambiguous but potential endings that he had let go, let slip through his fingers. 
 
 Nick groaned, and started etching a noughts and crosses board into the wooden bar in front of him. It was the unknown that was killing him. What could have been? The question bit at his mind every day, chipping away at his life. 
 
 He never noticed it before Her. All the could-have-beens. How many doors did he have to close, just take one step forward? 
 
 Nick drew with himself on the board, and scratched over it with his nails, blocking it from his view. 
 
 Stalemate. Always stuck. 
 
 He didn ’ t want to move on and forget Her, lest she be the only chance he had of happiness, even if such happiness would reside solely within his head. 
 
 But he didn ’ t want to go back and try to find Her. He would have to take up his time, his money. What if he couldn ’ t find Her? What if he failed and wasted everything he had at the moment? 
 
 5 years. She ’ ll have a boyfriend by now. 
 
 **Maybe she doesn ’ t. ** 
 
 She seemed like a classy girl. She wouldn ’ t want someone like me. 
 
 **Maybe she would. ** 
 
 Cancer rates were on the rise. Maybe she ’ s developed the illness and died. 
 
 **Maybe she hasn ’ t. ** 
 
 Nick clutched his head, growling. He was coming up with more idiotic reasons for his inaction than usual. 
 
 Maybe this was the day he would finally come to a decision. If he could survive this mental thunderstorm. 
 
 Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his face and paid for his drink. Walking out of the bar, he walked to the church where the wedding took place. 
 
 He and his friend were bored that night, and thought that crashing a party was a good idea for some fun. He had seen that girl, and they had talked and danced and blew through the night together. He finally felt like everything was going right in his life. And then, before he could comprehend it, security was on his tail, and he ran for his life. 
 
 He never saw Her again, except for in his dreams. 
 
 He had lost his friends and his family to his depression over Her, and he was close to losing his job. She was a ghost haunting his life, preventing him from truly joining the land of the living... 
 
 Nick laughed at himself in deprecation. Now he was sounding like a tortured poet. 
 
 Shaking his head, the man walked down the street he had run down to escape his pursuers. He could remember it like it was yesterday. There were so many things he could have done differently, that could have produced a different outcome. Where would he be now, if he had done things correctly? 
 
 It did n't matter anymore. 
 
 He could feel his mental thunderstorm calm into a gentle drizzle. It looked like he had finally come to a decision. None of this pining was doing him any good. Time to let Her go, and move on. She was in the past. 
 
 Absorbed in himself, Nick wandered without comprehension through the crowds on the streets, an ant among millions. But even ants bump into each other, when fate decrees it. 
 
 Nick looked up from his thoughts, just in time to collide brutally with a woman his age, sending them both recoiling a few steps backwards. He stared at her figure, struck with déjà vu. 
 
 The slender arms, the brunette hair, the sparkling blue eyes. 
 
 It was Her. 
 
 She mumbled an apology quickly, and brushed past him without a second glance. 
 
 Nick stood there in shock. 
 
 It was Her. It was Her! 
 
 Was it Her? 
 
 Maybe he saw the lady incorrectly because he was thinking about Her. Was she married? Was she wearing a ring? He should have looked at her hands! 
 
 Scolding himself in his mind, Nick tried to turn around and run after Her, but froze. He had **just** come to the decision to let Her go. Did this really change things? 
 
 If got caught up in this again, he might spend the rest of his life chasing a phantom. 
 
 What if it was n't Her? What if it was? 
 
 Smiling for the first time in a long time, Nick made up his mind.
