[ WP ] Death is looking for you , but you try to convince Death that you are not the person Death is searching for .

`` Surprise Mothafucka'' Death rattles as he bumps into me on my way out of my bedroom. 
 
 `` Death? Is that you?'' 
 
 Death reaches into his robe and pulls out a scroll, yellowed, mottled, and frayed with 
 age and he addresses me as `` Sir William H. Hennessy the Nineteen-hundredth'' 
 
 `` No death, I'm Sir William H. Hennessy the Nineteen-hundredth and One.'' I replied, taking a step back into the darkness encasing my cage of slumber. 
 
 `` Very funny, child. Did you really think that I have n't heard that one before?'' Death drawled, floating closer with his hand outstretched. 
 
 I felt around behind me, accidentally bumping into my nightstand causing my only lamp to shatter on the ground beneath my feet. Shards of glass bit into my heels as I leapt dramatically over my bed to my weapon stash. 
 
 `` Death, I'm almost positive Sir William number Nineteen-hundred would n't...'' 
 
 ( My left hand dove into the box of blades and gripped shurikens, while my right hand grabbed an Uzi from the gun box ) 
 
 `` FIRE UPON THE MOST REVERED SOUL COLLECTOR OF ALL TIME!!!'' I screeched as I unloaded a full clip into Deaths shadowy skeleton of a body. 
 
 `` Oh my, you've shot me. My God, ( he said, clattering his finger bones along his ribcage ) I believe you shot right through me.'' 
 
 `` Oh. See, I'm kinda not used to the whole you not having flesh thing...'' I said, suddenly realizing how dumb I am. 
 
 `` So, what're you gon na do with those throwing stars then, genius?'' Death said, likely eyeing me down from the shadows. 
 
 `` Could I like, throw them at you and you could pretend to be injured?'' 
 
 `` Only if you come with me afterwards.'' 
 
 `` Death, I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy. There's no reason for me to die yet!'' 
 
 `` Your body is laying in the bed, you overdosed. You're covered in vomit and lying in your own sweat, shit, and blood. Do you really want me to send you back to that?'' 
 
 
 ಠ_ಠ 
 
 `` Well it does n't sound too great to be honest. Will I at least pull through?'' 
 
 `` I can give you maybe another year or so, but I will be back.'' 
 
 `` Alright. Can I offer you a beer or something? I mean, you just gave me another year you might as well have something for your trouble.'' I set the shurikens back down. 
 
 `` Yeah, what the hell.'' Death set his scythe down and followed me out onto my porch. I reached into my mini fridge and pulled out two Coors Lights. 
 
 `` Here you are Death!'' I tossed one at him. 
 
 `` Man, this is some pussy shit. Got any vodka?'' 
 
 `` No...'' 
 
 `` I swear I'll drag you to hell if you do n't bring me some right this minute.'' 
 
 `` Shit, okay MOM I'll be back.'' 
 
 I walked back through my bedroom and down the stairs to my kitchen. I pulled a bottle out of the fridge and gazed at it in my hands. `` Drag me to hell?'' I thought, wondering why I would be going to hell in the first place. I looked back on my life and found nothing significantly damning. `` If that's the way it's gon na be, then I'm gon na give him a reason to send me to hell.'' I muttered to myself as I grabbed a lighter and a cloth from my kitchen drawer. I poured a little alcohol on the end of the rag, stuffed it into the bottle, and walked back to the porch, lighter behind my back. 
 
 `` Oh good, you did have vodka after all. Bring it here or I'll watch you burn.'' Death beckoned me closer. 
 
 I approached, and with all the courage I could muster I said to him 
 
 `` Gon na have to catch me first.'' I lit the rag and launched the flaming bottle at him, smashing his bony little skull in, dousing him in flames and littering the floor with glass. I took a running leap and threw myself head first off my balcony into the pavement far below. The last sounds I ever heard were Deaths screams and mine culminating in a sound so loud it shook trees and scattered breezes. I crunched against the pavement and the whole world went black, the only thing left for me was the silence of eternal slumber. 
 
 If you ca n't beat em, join em.
