[ WP ] Write a warning label/PSA/advertisement/instruction manual from a parallel universe

*Hello Reader and/or Reader Appendages, * 
 
 To operate the Dymaco™ Patented™ Extra-Sensory™ Max-Bacteria™ Removal Stick™ For Home-Dentistry™: `` It's Pretty Swell I Suppose'' ™, please follow these simple steps: 
 
 1. Purchase the Dymaco™ Patented™ Extra-Sensory™ Max-Bacteria™ Removal Stick™ For Home-Dentistry™: `` It's Pretty Swell I Suppose'' ™ product from your local Maxi-Mart™: `` MAXI-MART™ - The Mart You Love''. 
 
 2. Remove the Dymaco™ Patented™ Extra-Sensory™ Max-Bacteria™ Removal Stick™ For Home-Dentistry™: `` It's Pretty Swell I Suppose'' ™ from it's protective packaging. We at Dymaco™ recommend scissors or, if a small child is available, use them instead. * 
 
 3. Before executing the Dymaco™ Patented™ Enamel-Removal™ Brushing Of Teeth™, you must first perform the Dymaco™ Patented™ Enamel-Removal™ Super Ritual™ as follows: 
 - Check with your local doctor ( or doctor-analog ) to see if you are physically prepared for use of this product. 
 - Check with your local psychiatrist ( or psychiatrist-analog ) to see if you are mentally prepared for use of this product. 
 - Check with your local paleontologist ( or paleontologist-analogue ) to see if you are archaeologically prepared for use of this product. 
 - Spin around three times, while reciting the alphabet backwards. 
 - Cut two ( 2 ) of your fingers off; personal preference as to which ones. 
 - Talk LIVE with sexy Asian singles at sexyasiandates.com 
 - Tell your grandfather he's a pimp. If you do n't have a grandfather, adopt one. 
 - Do n't Believe That It's Not Butter™ 
 - Call your mother; she misses you. 
 - Requope. Yeah, do n't know what that means either, but that's what it says. 
 - Sacrifice the blood of a virgin to Poseidon, god of the Sea ( only on Thursdays ). 
 - Break wind on a bus, then blame it on the guy sitting next to you. 
 - Change your name, but do n't really mean it. 
 - Turn your boring old bedroom for NOT to HOT in 24 hours. 
 - If you adopted a grandfather in one of these earlier steps, kick him out again. 
 - Wait 4-6 weeks for delivery. 
 - Spend 50 years becoming a Monk Of The Inner Circle and find true inner enlightenment 
 - No seriously, call your mother. She's still pestering me about it. 
 - Run out of ideas when writing a boring old list. 
 - Buy toothpaste. 
 
 4. Now that you have completed all of the tasks in the Dymaco™ Patented™ Enamel-Removal™ Super Ritual™, you are now PREPARED FOR THE Dymaco™ Patented™ Enamel-Removal™ Brushing of Teeth™! Simply run the Dymaco™ Patented™ Extra-Sensory™ Max-Bacteria™ Removal Stick™ For Home-Dentistry™: `` It's Pretty Swell I Suppose'' ™ over your teeth with toothpaste, gripping the Dymaco™ Patented™ Supa-Grip™ Tentacle-Holder™: `` Apparently It Helps You Hold Things With Your Tentacles'' ™ until you think that most of the Max-Bacteria™ in your mouth ( or mouth-analogue ) is gone. This can take anywhere from 30 seconds to 50 thousand Mega-Years™. Please consult your local pharmacist or fire brigade to check YOUR estimated time of cleaning. Note that brushing for less or more than your specified time may result in ~~spontaneous teleportation~~ some consequences. 
 
 5. Have the cleanest, healthiest, greenest teeth in YOUR neighborhood™ ( or neighborhood-analogue )! 
 
 
 
 *We at Dymaco are not responsible for any death, injury or spontaneous teleportation that may result from using a small child to open your Dymaco™ Product™. *
