[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Nancy, 
 
 We knew each other since we were five years old, and we've hated each other all the way through. I do n't think about you much anymore, but from what I hear from other people you're still a violent, stupid, aggressive thug. If you were writing this, I guess you'd say that you hear that I'm still not very nice. 
 
 You hit me and scratched me until I bled; I found everything that you hated about yourself and leveraged that until you bled too. I've always been good at finding when people are sad/angry/lonely/insecure/all tied up inside about, and I used that against you in the worst way possible. Some people would say that you started it, because you hit me, but you were trapped with me as much as I was trapped with you and fifteen years later I'm guessing that you are n't ashamed of yourself for it. 
 
 I am. 
 
 You tried to kill yourself when we were both twelve. They'd stopped shoving us together by then, but that does n't mean that the things that I said did n't have some influence. Probably not a lot. Some of that blame falls on your parents. A lot of that blame falls on you. And yeah, some of that's on me too. 
 
 I've grown up since then, and I've tried to do better. I still have that uncanny nose for dysfunction and I've tried to use it for good. I could list for you people -- people abusive mothers and fathers and boyfriends or whose heads are just so knotted up and dark that I found. And when I found them, I did whatever I could to help. I have spent so much time and energy trying to make up for what I did n't do. I could list a whole lot of people who I've helped, who I've talked down from suicide or self-harm or just listened to until the inside of their head lay quiet and smooth like an untangled skein of thread, but that sounds hollow. 
 
 I guess what I'm trying to say is that I should have been better. I'm sorry, and I'm trying to do better, even if I know that you'll never see it. That's not entirely because of you- not by a long shot- but some of it is. 
 
 I wanted you to know. 
 
 Yours, 
 Caroline 

