[ WP ] As a dragon of innumerable age you have guarded your gold horde for millennium . Many heroes have come with long speeches on how they will slay you , the great evil , none finish . However this one is odd.He throws a coin on your stash , looks you in the eyes and says `` I have a proposition for you . ''

'I am the mighty Al'Kathum, the great green dragon of the glade. I have lived for thousands of years, building up a hoard of uncountable wealth. Of course, having a seemingly unending source of cash tends to attract a rather undesirable crowd. At least once a week, my slumber will be broken by an incompetent crowd of loonies who think that the magic sword they were given by the lady of the lake entitles them to my treasure. 
 
 Of course, one quick puff of fire and they soon learn that some watery tart in a pond distributing swords is no basis for determining their entitlement to *my* belongings. Unfortunately, they only have about a second to dwell on their idiocy before I take the most valuable objects from their charred backpacks. I think I should look into finding a new cave, but I've lived here for several thousand years, the humans only came here a few hundred years ago. 
 
 But, I ca n't complain, my life is pretty simple here. Some humans have taken to offering me tributes in the form of food and gold. I tried saying that it was n't necessary but they were to afraid of me to understand me. No matter, though, my hoard is growing and I have no need to hunt. The nuisance of the heroes is just a minor concession. 
 
 My musings were cut short by a soft *clink*, and then another and as I turned my head I saw the most peculiar thing. Before me stood a human knight. Unlike the heroes of before, he was giving me money. He reached into a coin purse and one by one he threw the coins onto my hoard. 
 
 `` I see I have your attention, oh mighty Al'Kathum,'' the hero paused his movements to look me in the eye. 
 
 I sighed, smoke rising from my nostrils. I have n't seen this act in a hundred years, but it's still just as boring as ever. Usually the `` lone'' hero tries to charm me with words while a few mages, archers and rogues sneak in for a surprise attack. But he had my interest with his next sentence. 
 
 `` I have a rather lucrative proposition for you,'' he said slowly, `` you see, there's this princess. Princess Blythe, I believe her name is. Anyway, I seem to have picked up a reputation as a rather, *ahem*, ineffective knight. So I got to thinking. I've put my family's wealth to use a built a tower, nice and secluded over here.'' 
 
 He pulled out a map and pointed to a location a few miles south of my tower and east of what I assumed was the kingdom where this princess lived. `` Anyway, my plan is simple. I wish to impress the princess and the king so that I may receive her hand in marriage. And I need your help.'' 
 
 Ah, so he seeks a boon. Often I will get members of the cult who worships me coming in and asking for such a thing. Usually they ask for enhanced strength or magic, and they always offer something meager like the rest of their lifetime in servitude. Do they not know that their lifetimes are as short to me as the days are to them? 
 
 `` I get the feeling that you're not easily persuaded,'' the man continued. Why has n't he left me to my slumber yet? Can he not see that I care not for his problems? `` So let me sweeten the deal. If you kidnap the princess and put on a show while I rescue her, I will give you a portion of the treasury in taxes each year. I will use the wealth and might of my nation to serve you as a vassal kingdom. Just imagine walking through a hallway made of gold, lined with precious gems and filled with all manner of priceless goods.'' 
 
 I guess he does know how what he's doing. Over the remainder of the day, he outlined his plans for the `` main event'' as he called it. I would occasionally remark about the folly of some ideas. ( I mean, carrying the princess in my mouth? What kind of barbarism is that? ) Eventually, however, we worked out a plan that seemed to work out for the both of us. I would be intimidating and strike fear into everyone while he would be a legend among men. 
 
 A few weeks later, I flew out and kidnapped the princess, hiding her in the tower. Some knights of the kingdom arrived and they were easily incapacitated, minor casualties for the sake of appearing evil. Eventually, the knight from the cave arrived, gave a flashy speech and then we got down to `` fighting''. Eventually I flew away while he gave chase, and then he rescued the princess. 
 
 A few years later he visited me with a caravan loaded with gold and gemstones. `` This is the first tribute from the kingdom of Kathum'Rei,'' he said, `` already, we are conquering the neighboring nations and adding their wealth to our own. The next few years will be very profitable, oh Great One.'' 
 
 Then he left, returning on the same day of each year with loaded wagons of gold. This whole kidnapping thing seemed to be pretty lucrative, so one day I started getting to work, kidnapping princesses ( and the occasional prince ) in return for ransoms or vassalage. 
 
 I am the mighty Al'Kathum, actor for hire. For only the low price of-' 
 
 The old wizard waved his hand and the image on the scrying screen disappeared. `` Bloody informercials,'' he muttered, `` that's the last time I buy one of these at a discount.'' 
 
 *** 
 
 *I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you liked this story, you should head on over to /r/WritingThePunLife. There's not a lot there ( I only started it yesterday ) but you'll probably enjoy some of my other stories. *
