[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Hi Tzip, 
 
 I was almost 30 when I had my first real kiss. By you. I've been alone my whole life, too different from other people, miserly with my deepest love and affection, too much of a romantic who only dreamed of love and found it only in books and stories. It took me so long to emotionally and mentally recover from my strict and abusive childhood. Just when I began to fall into my own rhythm for the first time in my life, you came along, bubbling with laughter, beaming with your passions and aspirations. 
 
 I wish you wanted to be with me despite religion. I wish the stories I told you about my childhood did n't scare you away from me. The stories of your childhood are warm and loving, filled with an gold-tinged ebullience I desperately, secretly yearn for when I make the inevitable, sad comparisons. I am broken. Despite my best efforts to put the pieces together and salvage something worthwhile from myself, I know you ca n't put the pieces together and make them truly whole again. And that's why it hurts when I'm faced with your rejection, even though I know a part of it has nothing to do with me. It makes so much sense that someone like you, raised in the light and warmth would turn away from someone like me, with melancholy and pain at the root of my being. You and your actions are a mirror that exposes the darkest parts of myself, the confirmation that I am unlovable by anyone I want to love, the truth that I should keep my head down, grind my teeth and try to endure my life instead of living it. 
 
 No. I am trying not to think this way. The rational part of me tells me to not be silly, and that this, like all things, will get better as time progresses. I mean, the worst part of my life has been slowly healing, and this is nothing compared to it. 
 
 Yet sometimes when I stand outside in the dark, staring at the stars in the sky, I feel completely alien and disconnected. Instead of feeling like part of the vast, unknowable universe, I am separate. Alone. Alone in my suffering. Alone, without you.
