[ WP ] Hackers have compromised Santa 's naughty and nice database

Candypants tapped furiously at the keyboard. You would n't ( had you been there ) want to describe it as adorable, because he was so angry. Seeing his little face screwed up like that, though... I do n't know what to tell you. `` They got through the firewall at eight oh seven am,'' he said. 
 
 `` Eight oh seven,'' Sparkles said. `` You sure? Not eight oh five? Because that would have cracked the case wide open.'' 
 
 ( Adorably ) Candypants held up his ( sweet ) middle finger. `` This is it,'' he said. `` This is Code X stuff. This could bring the whole system down.'' 
 
 `` Have you checked the mainframe?'' Ferdinand T. Longsocks asked. 
 
 Candypants turned to him. `` Did you see that on TV?'' 
 
 Ferdinand blinked. 
 
 `` No, answer the fucking question,'' he squeaked. `` Did you see that on TV?'' 
 
 `` I only -'' 
 
 He slapped his hands on the table. It did n't make much of a noise. `` Are you seriously...? How am I supposed to respond to that? How? The mainframe? Check it? What do you suggest?'' 
 
 Ferdinand swallowed. 
 
 `` Get the fuck out of here,'' Candypants said. `` Check the mainframe. Jesus.'' 
 
 Sparkles tried to regain control of the situation. `` What's the damage?'' 
 
 The clacking of keys echoed off the walls. `` The list is compromised. We ca n't guarantee the integrity of the information. We do n't know *anyone* deserves the Nice list. Here: John Smith QR3292. Nice. Is he? Jong Un AAA001. Nice. Is he? We do n't know. It's fucked. The whole system is fucked.'' 
 
 `` Candypants, listen. There's a way out of this. A way out of this that wo n't reflect badly on us. A freak of nature. A cataclysmic event of serendipitous sychronicity that absolves us of any wrongdoing.'' 
 
 A moment passed between them all. 
 
 Sparkles put a hand on Candypants' shoulder. `` Coal,'' he said. `` Coal for everyone.'' 
 
 Ferdinand T. Longsocks recoiled in horror. He did. It would n't have been horror to you or I, had we been standing there. We'd have said,'Oh my God, look at that! That's cute as shit!'' It was horror, nonetheless. `` Coal!'' He squeaked. `` Coal for all? Who can take the blame for such evil? What possible context can we blame such evil on?'' 
 
 Sparkles looked at the picture of the window on the walls of the cave and held his hands behind his back. `` 2016,'' he said. `` At this stage, who would even question it?''
