[ WP ] As you exit Walmart , a war torn , bullet riddled Jeep comes to a screeching halt in front of you . You notice the driver is a badly beaten and exhausted but familiar sitcom star . `` Get in ! There 's no time to explain ! ''

`` Hey! You're that one guy, Bobby Mc...'' I manage to get out, before a volley of projectiles whiz past. 
 
 `` Get the hell in!'' He grabs me roughly and pulls me into the battered chassis of the offroading vehicle. I still had the canvas bag in my hand, with a new utility knife, some fishing line, and a box of tampons. My wife wanted the last item on the list, so I figured that I'd go to weird ass walmart. 
 
 `` So, what's going on, exactly?'' I inquire as we take a sharp turn and an suv rolls over in the intersection. 
 
 `` You are shooting. You ever held a uzi before?'' I nod. I had fired one for fun at a range a few years ago. `` Good. Now get those bastards off our tail!'' 
 
 Murder is one of my least favorite things. I gulp, load the clip, and stick my head out a bit, so I could aim. My heart pounded furiously. What was I getting into? Was I going to get arrested? How did all this happen? 
 
 `` Pull the trigger dummy!'' celebrity shouts. I obey, and a stream of lead pours out of the barrel. I had aimed to the wheels, so to make them loose control, but the knockback made me lose aim. I saw a red explosion on the driver's side, and the armored van swerved then flipped over, rolling across the road. I was appalled. Had I just killed a man? 
 
 `` Nice shooting, now take on the big one!'' He says. I wished there would be a laugh track. I could really use some cheesy humor right now. But then came a noise that sounded like the loud, obnoxious, motorcycle convention was in town. A massive steel block with more wheels than a semi came from behind the wreck that had been the `` small'' guy. `` Take this!'' The comedian hands me a long barrel rifle, and points to the roof. 
 
 I open the steel hatch, and peek out. I take the sniper and place it down on the riveted sheet. I take aim at what I assume to be a weak point, in the middle. It is a square, about a foot across, that looked like it was just attached hastily. I line up the sights, steady my aim, and squeeze. 
 
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 I do n't know what happened next, but I awoke in a hospital, next to the TV personality who got me into all this. He chuckles, and says, `` I'm glad you did n't try to run me down like they did, just to get an autograph!'' *Audience laughter*
