[ WP ] All religion is actually the work of God 's PR team appealing to men with various marketing strategies over time . Even rebranding and refocusing their model over time . Explain the re-imagining to cultivate the right synergy for implementing Wicca .

`` Hot. Goth. Chicks'', I say, trying to remain confident. I never did like presenting to the clients, and this one is 
 especially distinct and intimidating. 
 
 `` What?'' God asks me. Around the table, the saints and angels and general Heaven staff exchange worried looks. 
 
 `` Think about it. Christianity is all about Puritanism and no sex and all that boring stuff'', I continue, clicking the next slide onscreen. It shows a picture of a woman and a man sitting on a bed with grumpy looks on their faces. A thought balloon rises from both their heads -- `` I wish we could have sex.'' 
 
 `` So?'' 
 
 `` So, we are living in the twenty first century. People fuck each other all the time. We need a new moral code to 
 better cater for the pervs.'' 
 
 `` Ok...'' God says, frowning. He does n't seem to like where this is going. 
 
 `` Christianity is too pure. But Wicca... Oh man, do n't you guys remember when the goth thing was popular? The 
 tight skirts with the stockings with holes on them? The generous cleavage?'' 
 
 `` Do you have any idea how sexist that sounds?'' God asks, shaking his head and giving me a dirty look. 
 
 `` Is n't it in Corinthians that you say'for the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man'?'' 
 
 God pauses. `` Nobody likes a smartass'', he says. `` And I've changed.'' 
 
 `` Look, I'm not saying we should market this as an objectification of *women*, *per se*'', I add. `` I say we market it 
 as an objectification of *all people*! A new religion of free sex and free love. Dudes in black trench coats and 
 eyeliners fucking girls in leather skirts and dyed hair!'' 
 
 `` No one wants to fuck dudes in black trench coats and eyeliners'', one of the saints say, from across the table. 
 
 `` That is a good point'', I say. `` We can work on the clothing thing later. The point is -- let's shift from the puritans we currently are to depraved, sex-maniacs. Everyone is doing it already. Religion needs to catch up.'' 
 
 `` Are you saying Wicca is a religion of depraved, sex-maniacs?'' 
 
 `` Of course not! Wicca is a religion of respect and love for the mother nature and goddess, and a beautiful one, at 
 that. But that's not how we are going market it, if we want to succeed.'' 
 
 `` We market it as free fucks for everyone'', an angel completes, scratching his chin. 
 
 `` Exactly.'' I smile. I look around the room. Everyone seems absorbed in thought. 
 
 `` So? What do you guys think?'' 
 
 God rubs his fingers against his forehead, like I just gave him a headache. `` Yeah... Yeah I suppose this could -- 
 wait. Did you say *goddess*?'' 
 
 I swallow dry. This is the hard part. `` Yeah. Yeah, for this to work... We'd kind of going to have to... uh... dress you up as a woman.'' 
 
 God closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath and open them again. 
 
 For a while, he just stared at me, not saying anything. 
 
 `` Oh, what the hell, desperate times'', he finally says, getting up from his chair. `` Gabriel...'' 
 
 `` Yes, sir?'' 
 
 `` Go find me a nice dress'', he says. `` In mahogany. *No cleavage. *'' 
 
 `` Absolutely, sir.'' 
 
 Gabriel gets up and leaves. God heads for the bar on the edge of the room and serves himself a whisky, and the people around the desk start getting up to leave. Under his breath as he takes the first sip, I'm pretty sure I hear God whisper, `` Fucking marketers''. 
 
 ________________ 
 
 *Thanks for reading! You can find more of my stories on /r/psycho_alpaca = ) * 

