[ WP ] You are clumsy in the kitchen . Today , you perform a satanic ritual entirely by accident .

It ’ s stressful i know. Trying to cook a meal without the selective pressure from the ones consuming it. Who knew that cooking a roast would involve my tiresome effort. Why is stuffing the chicken so important anyway like i ’ m fisting a dead chick for the pleasure of eating it. I ’ m slicing carrots like an idiot and they ’ re flying of left right and centre. What is this wizardry! I can ’ t make gravy. Screw it tomato sauce is a better substitute for gravy. It ’ s sweet and works with most things. Shit the tomatoes.I left them in the oven. Oh no oh no they ’ re burnt. Fuck. If i cover the half cut tomatoes with tomato sauce. No one will notice at least, I think. What am i kidding. I ’ m doing this. I take the tomato tray on the bench. Place them around the chicken. Then I use the tomato sauce cover over the burnt bits. Spotch. God damn it. The tomato sauce is everywhere I even got it on the chicken. Not the chicken. The tables starts rumbling. I ’ m thinking great an earthquake. I hide under the table waiting it out. I pop my head over the table minutes later to see the chicken standing up skin and all. With tomatoes as eyes. Can you believe. My mostly burnt cooked tomatoes as eyes for what? 
 “ Who.. who are you and what did you do to my meal? ” 
 “ Well I am your meal ha didn ’ t see that coming. ” 
 “ Who are you? What are you? ” 
 “ I ’ m satan ’ s Minion ” 
 “ minion ay like in those yellow dwarfs? “ 
 “ Aa.. yeah but not that. Much worse. Like eat your soul i ’ m a demon minion. ” 
 “ Oh ok all i see is a floppy chicken and two burnt tomatoes. What ya gon na do? Ha? ” 
 “ Aa.. yeah well I need to get into something more appropriate. This.. This is just the beginning. ” 
 “ The beginning i ’ d say that ’ s pretty lame to be honest like a stuffed chicken. That ’ s all you ’ ve got? I'll just throw you in the oven have you burnt. I mean cooked I still have to entertain you know. ” 
 “ You can ’ t! It ’ s a crime. ” 
 “ A crime against satan!? ” 
 “ Yeah under the law of the underground you have the right to give me fair head start.. Thats right. ” 
 “ Nope don ’ t believe it in you ’ re going into the oven minion back to the afterlife I mean home to you. ” 
 “ No..no.nooooo. ” 
 The Struggles of life you can try to fight it but if you lay flat you ’ re probably will be consumed by the devil. 

