[ OT ] 4yr Contest Voting - Round Two ( of two )

I vote for /u/schoolgirlerror for `` By the light of my cigarette''. 
 
 I liked this so much! the writing here is just lovely; the prose and the voice are just, ahhhhh, gosh! hearts hearts hearts! beyond that, I liked Nate's character; he was not a good person, but he was n't *evil*. he, I think, has a lot of traits people can relate to, or find in someone else. he's the sort of human it's easy to be: superiority complex, pretentious, lazy in it, etc. etc. etc.! I just really liked that. in general, your characterization was just so nice: the colorcoded notes, the little notebook, the lights in the apartment. 
 
 I also liked his realization coming through seeing someone just like him! seeing himself through her was what made him realize that the person he was was not who he wanted to be. I thought that was nice! 
 
 beyond that, I thought the pacing was wonderful. I think, of all the entries, your story feels most polished in its arc and completion; this is just very clearly written. I really admire the ability to do that! 
 
 if I had to give one criticism, which honestly I'm not sure if I consider to be necessarily a bad thing, it'd be that I think the story is a bit too obvious. I feel like Nate is too clearly Not Good, and Kit is clearly Yes Good; I still liked this, because I felt like it fit in the style of this story really well! I think it's definitely a personal choice if you want to change it or not. 
 
 overall, this was a really wonderful read; I really really enjoyed it! good luck in the contest! 
 
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 *RUNNER-UPS* 
 
 - **Greenland** 
 gosh, the world here. it's so beautiful. it's so vivid. have you been on a trip like this to Antarctica? I was just so, so pulled in, by everything: the characters, the situation, the setting. really, how you write the setting is so brilliant! and your dreams feel like dreams: that strange, ethereal, distant feeling. the grasses, growing. his body. gosh, this is just such a beautiful story. 
 the issue with it for me was that the ending was too sharp. it was too out of nowhere. it was shocking, but in a way that felt kind of unfair to me; I felt like I did n't know enough about everyone for this to happen. 
 still, this was a beautiful story. it was probably the one that I was submerged in the most. good luck in the contest! 
 - **The King of Camp Wabanaki** 
 I remember reading this story back in the group stages and thinking to myself, `` oh, wow!'' and then, just as sharply: `` oh, no!'' LOL. this is a really nice story. I really like how real your characters are in their childishness: the protest versus the parents, the cold shoulder to the grandparents, his friend not knowing what to say to him on the bus, everything at camp... it was wonderful. you have really clean prose that's just so kind on the eyes. the ending struck me, but I felt like the pacing to get there was a bit strange; I know you've addressed that yourself! nevertheless, I really liked reading this! I'm happy you were the one to advance the round; best of luck to your future work on this! 
 - **Burden** 
 I really like your writing! you word things in a really interesting way at times, which I'm always a fan of. I sort of liked and sort of did n't like a lot of the `` adjective Ana'' stuff; it was a really neat thread. I would say the main issue for me was that the story felt strangely unfocused, even though I felt as though it should n't have been, and that there were too many things brought up and never addressed. I would like to see more of your world, of how the world relates to the characters. overall, I did enjoy reading it. for that, thank you! 
 
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 *THE REST OF THE FINALISTS* 
 
 - **Diner Du Duane** 
 I already wrote a comment in the last round; in all, though I liked the writing, I felt like the story just had no movement, and that it did n't do much. I think even just fusing the story with more tension over, `` What if the shop closes!'' would have helped, and made the ending so much more of a happy thing for the cast and reader alike. I really like this setting: the characters are fun, and the idea of a French restaurant in Tennessee is just so charming! I wish we also saw more of the sort of restaurant deal, though, involving the cooking/etc., and also more workers; it's really hard to run a restaurant with two workers! still, it was a really fun read! 
 - **Mother May I? ** 
 I love ridiculously terrible people who are, despite everything, exempt from hatred from me; and you nailed that! I felt both amusement and horror and sympathy for her reading this. I like your details on the neglect, etc.; I liked also the sort of frenetic craziness of the voice. at times, though, I think that worked against you; I felt like she was rarely parting from it/at least `` lower'' in that sort of feeling, and because of that I started feeling a bit numb throughout the piece to everything. I would look to maybe try and hit different emotional notes or such! also, I'm not sure how I felt about the ending when it felt so different to the rest of the story in its sobriety. still, this was a wild ride, and a fun one! 
 - **Stitches** 
 the writing is very clean here! however, the issue I felt was that this story felt very false to me. it did n't feel real. the characters felt too unrealistic, too fake; I could n't find myself to feel their pain or struggle. while I have always liked people being vulnerable and being kind to one another, I could n't shake the feeling that how they were here and acted to each other was too manufactured and calculated. the girl not understanding death at her age, him being so kind and gentle after everything, the picture perfect ending with its clear theme... it was too hallmark. it felt too much like a story written for the reader. it was sweet, but I felt like, in the end, that was all it was. 
 
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 overall, congratulations to all the finalists, and good luck to all of you in your future endeavors!
