[ WP ] To counter Donald Trump , the Democratic party nominates Kanye West as their presidential nominee . This is their first debate .

`` Before we begin the debate I'd like to give each candidate a chance to introduce themselves and the platforms that you each stand on.'' 
 
 Kanye West looked livid! It was as if the moderator, Anderson Cooper, had just slapped him across the face with a fish. 
 
 `` What do you mean what platform we stand on!'' Kanye bellowed through the mic. `` Are you calling me short? I'll have you know that I am 5'7'' and that is a perfectly normal height! The average height is 5'' 6'' so that makes me tall. I will not be insulted by your ignorant attack on my height!'' 
 
 `` Mr. West I was not insulting your height, I was merely asking you to tell the people what you stand for in this election.'' 
 
 `` O ya. O ya, I knew that! You think I did n't know that! I am a genius, I knew what you meant. I was just saying that cuz there are a lot of people out there who are made fun of because they is short and I was, you know, just saying. Ya. I am a lyrical genius.'' 
 
 `` Okay... Well thank you Mr. West. Now how about we go over to you Mr. Trump.'' 
 
 Standing on the opposite side of the stage, Donald Trump stood confidently glaring out into the audience. He wore a devilish smirk that looked as if someone had twisted one side of his mouth so that the left side hung slightly higher than the right, and a small line parsed his lips barely showing his yellow-white teeth. 
 
 Mr. Trump... Would you like to tell the audience what your campaign is working towards? 
 
 Donald Trump continued to stare blankly into the audience. Still holding that same stupid grin. 
 
 After almost 30 seconds of silence the words finally made their way through Donalds ears. `` O yes, sorry Anderson I was n't listening to you. You know people do n't listen to you, I hope you know that. Literally everyone thinks that you and the liberal media are a farce. You're all just a bunch of uppety communists who no one takes serious.'' Donald clenched both hands into a fist and raised his arms into the air, belching `` Go back to Mexico, Mexicans!''. 
 
 Kanye West at this point had somehow made his way to the edge of the stage where he sat bobbing his head up and down while listening to beats on his new `` Yezzus'' brand headphones. 
 
 Anderson Cooper looked at Kanye as if he were dealing with a child. `` Mr. West, we ask that our candidates please stay at their podiums.'' 
 
 Kanye in a fit of fury pounded his fists into the floor, spitting out profanity after profanity, before promptly standing up and stomping back towards the podium. 
 
 `` I was in the middle of making the most musically revolutionary lines the world had ever heard and you just stopped me. You just set children in Africa back 300 years for not letting me finish my fire, I hope you happy Coops.'' 
 
 `` I am terribly sorry for interrupting your `` musical creativity'' Mr. West, but you are in the middle of what is supposed to be a debate.'' 
 
 `` Ya about those children in Africa'', Donald Trump looked like a kid with a lunch box full of pizza lunchables, fucking pumped! `` I do n't think the children in Africa should ever be allowed to come to the U.S, neither should the Chinese, Japanese, French, Mexicans, and especially not the Canadians.'' 
 
 `` Ya, ya, ya, your hotels is great and all Donald Duck, but um, you know the real problems is aliens.'' Kanye's right eyebrow seemed to float six inches above its opposite. `` Ya, um I am a genius and I watched the history channel because that's what us smart people do, and um, ya how do you explain Egyptians?'' 
 
 Anderson sat dumbfounded as he stared up at the two leading candidates for president. Knowing the fact that one of these two men would, in the next six months, be the 45th President of the United States of America. This was enough to make a man go crazy and eat his tie. And sure enough, Kanye was back on the edge of the stage, sitting down, eating his tie. 
 
 The end.
