[ WP ] Write a short story using as many literary clichés as possible .

It was a dark and stormy night. The group of adventurous and sexually burgeoning teens had decided to split up so they could cover more ground while exploring the spooky haunted mansion. Everyone was in pairs of two except for Tyrone, it did n't bother him though, he grew up on the tough streets and knew how to handle himself. 
 
 John and Heather had snuck off deep into the house and were passionately making out under an old wooden dining table. John was vigorously dry humping Heathers now soaked panties. Tina and Greg had wandered down a rickety flight of stairs and ended up in the cellar. 
 `` Wow, it's really quiet down here...'' Says Tina innocently. `` I bet nobody upstairs could hear us if we yelled...'' 
 
 Greg licked his lips and stared at Tina with hungry eyes. `` Yeah, that gives me an idea. I know exactly what we can do down here.'' 
 
 Tina does n't say anything but looks deep into Gregs eyes, her expression lost in anticipation, she can feel new silk panties getting moist. Greg reaches up his arm gently toward Tina's face and then grabs a wine bottle from the rack behind her head. Smashing the bottle on the ground violently, Greg starts jump around excitedly `` Whoa, holy shit, did you see that!?'' He yells. He starts smashing everything he can get his hands on, while giggling like a buffoon. Tina just watches him with her arms crossed, her face a mixture of frustration and disappointment. 
 
 Suddenly there is a loud, bloody scream and a body can be heard tumbling down some stairs. All the teens come running and meet at the bannister leading up to the second story, there lies Tyrons mangled corpse, with a giant kitchen knife stuck in his back. `` Holy Shit!'' John stammers. `` We better get the hell out of here, that was our only black person!.'' 
 
 All the teens run for the front door, just as the killer leaps out of the darkness with a throaty `` Grrrrrrrr!'' Heather Screams and then trips, breaking the heel on her shoe. John looks back in time to see the killer coming down on top of her. `` John help me!'' she shrieks, holding her hand out. 
 
 John turns back and lightly jogs a few steps towards them. `` Sorry, but I think we should see new people.'' yelling with his hands cupped. 
 
 Everyone else is already piled into the green van by the time John makes it back. He jams the key into the ignition and cranks it, but the van fails to start.
