[ WP ] Everyone 's nudes get released online in an NSA screw up , as a result people abandon clothing altogether .

A nipple, a god damned nipple, and all the other morons thought my photographs were edited. Honestly, though, despite the agreement that we would all go nude, I filed for defamation. Apparently, I was the only one, so my court case made headlines and soon became the number one trend on social media. You can imagine my insides when I turned up to court dressed in a suit and the crowd of naked people stretched out the door and into the car park. 
 
 I snatched my briefcase up and waltzed past, eyes to the prize -- which happened to be the courtroom entrance. 
 
 `` Sir, I'm a news reporter from CNN, I'd like a moment if you will...'' 
 
 I should have seen this coming. `` No comment.'' 
 
 The news reporter frowned and turned to his cameraman. `` We'll edit that one as'I have no penis'.'' 
 
 Part of me wanted to go back, but there were more important things to deal with, like proving I had that the NSA had defamed me against my will. It was a long sweaty stinky walk to the court yard, with heaps of boobs and flabby stomachs, by the time I sat down next to my lawyer -- a seventy-five-year-old man with an unusually large johnson -- I was unphased by the odd shape of his elephant trunk. 
 
 `` Bad day?'' he asked. 
 
 `` Had better...'' 
 
 The judge slammed his mallet. Or it might have been something else, I do n't know, I stopped looking when I saw the nipple piercings. `` Order, order in my court!'' he roared. 
 
 The packed courtroom babble came to a halt. `` Today, we are here to decide the case of the NSA versus a man who is supposedly defamed. Please, state your case.'' 
 
 Old johnson hopped up all wobbly and spewed out the basics. `` My client has been edited in all of his leaked photographs so that it looks like he has a nipple where he should have a... well you know. This was the only case in the world and so we feel he has been unfairly targeted.'' 
 
 The judge nodded. `` NSA, would you like to state your case?'' 
 
 A lanky fella with half a moustache creeked up and shone his spectacles on some chest hairs before clearing his throat. `` Master Judge, we at the NSA did this leak by mistake, we had no time to edit pictures or even explore them ourselves.'' 
 
 The judge turned back to us. `` Have you proved that your client does indeed have a... you know what... and not a nipple.'' 
 
 Old johnson gave me an uneasy glance. `` Well... I suppose that would go without question, sir.'' 
 
 `` The verdict of this case rests on one thing and one thing only. If you can prove right here and now that you do not have a nipple in place of a... you know what-'' 
 
 `` Penis!'' someone screamed from the crowd. 
 
 `` Yes...'' the judge continued, `` then I'll swing this in your favour and we'll all be outta here.'' 
 
 I had banked on the case being solved before this. But I suppose in the end, it did n't really matter anymore. They'd find out eventually. I stood up and dropped my drawers for the crowd. 
 
 There were screams, cries, and a thump as an elderly woman hit the floor. `` It's a nipple!'' someone screamed. 
 
 I turned to the judge. `` Actually, your honor, it's a pimple.'' 
 
 The judge glanced at the NSA and then back to me. He grabbed his mallet and slammed the desk. `` Case ruled in favour of the man with the... pimple...?'' He paused as if to ask questions and then streamed out of the room, as did the rest of the crowd. 
 
 I was n't proud of what I did, but then again I did n't really want to walk around with my pimple out all day. Turns out when you're rich, you do n't have to leave the house that often. 
 
 
 
 
 

