[ WP ] The universe conspires to make you late for work everyday . Your boss gives you one last chance . This time you 're ready ...

The Universe smiled, as it saw its experiment wake up once again. After 14 billion years, there's not much you have n't done yet, but stopping the creature from making it to its `` job'', as they called it, was oddly satisfying. Anyways, time to impede it yet again. 
 
 Natalie went outside, her boss' ultimatum ringing in her ears. `` I have great respect for you as an employee of Valve, but if you keep up with this lateness, I will have to terminate you, and get someone who can ACTUALLY CREATE SALES FIGURES FOR OUR VALVES! If you are late tommorow, do n't bother coming inside.'' 
 
 She got into her Golf at 4 in the morning. Work did n't start until seven, but considering yesterday, where her normal Golf R was smashed by a minivan, and the day before, where the petrol tank ran empty before she was half-way. Today, the car simply refused to start. Stupid customer car. Natalie sighed, and got on her bike. Eleven kilometers, in three hours? Absolutely doable. Even with the clouds on the horizon... 
 
 She could see Valve off into the distance, determined to get to her place of employment no matter what, and start counting those blasted valves. In fact, she was so lost in her thoughts that she smashed straight into the back of a truck. Of course, she was fine, but her bike was n't. Bent wheel. She looked at the time, and looked at the factory. Of course she could do it, she just had to run. Natalie ran. 
 
 She was just fifty meters from the entrance when The Universe was mad. VERY mad. That little creature had almost reached its objective! He opened up a cabinet with seven buttons. `` Earthquake'', `` Terrorist Attack'', `` War'', `` House of Pleasure'', `` Volcano'', `` Asteroid Impact'' and `` Hot Hail''. The Universe depresses all seven. 
 
 Natalie looked behind her, and saw a scene worthy of any Hell. The sky was being ripped apart by the storm, but below there was lava spreading towards her, if the anti-aircraft batteries, or the MiG's that were the reason for them, did n't get her first. She looked at the building, not as a place of work, but *safety*. She ran forward, put her hand on the door... even as a beam of pure energy destroyed her body in a microsecond. 
 
 Suddenly, The Universe felt pity. For no reason, he'd killed someone. In 14 billion years, there'd always been a reason. Maybe they'd cut in front of him in a line. Maybe they'd eaten the last slice of pizza, or called him a cuck on Xbox. But never for no reason. And The Universe decided that Natalie could keep her job. 
 
 Natalie appeared out of nothing, screaming. It was extremely embarrassing for her, but she kept her job at least. 
 
 ( I feel I have to note here at the end that as with the rest of this, its very literal. A House of Pleasure is n't a brothel, it's a place that's so wonderful you never want to leave, hence making Natalie late for work. )
