[ WP ] Lost life

There were tears in her eyes. 
 
 I looked as her body and face went through all the motions: the loss of color, the pensive eyes, the hand over mouth, the tears, the sniveling, the shivering, and finally... silence. She could n't believe it. He had died. She was n't that close to him anymore, but they had been -- once upon a time. She had made it seem like she hated him, and I guess, she probably did. He had been awful to her, and that's why she left him, and he had remained awful to her: and that's why she had cut him out of her life. `` For her own sake,'' she would say. 
 
 But there was a different dynamic in a person you hating actually **dying**. They were gone forever, not just until you finally felt like you were both ready to start anew. She was always so sure she would always be able to pick things back up with him when the time was right; always so sure that she would talk to him again somewhere down the line of her future to ensure he was fine and moving forward in his life. She did hate him, so why were there tears? 
 
 She looked at me with what seemed like confusion and hopelessness in her eyes, and she told me. She had so much *guilt* in her. She blamed herself for his death, for his unhappiness, for everything. She thought she was doing the right thing for herself, and she felt horrid for being so selfish and not considering for a second what this was doing to him. And I could n't understand. How does death cause this? To actually feel loathing toward yourself for doing the best thing for your own interest... just because this person might've done something to himself because of it. He never considered your well-being, I thought to myself. But I kept silent. 
 
 I watched. And I held her, and I supported her, and I stood in the shadows as she talked on and on about the man she once loved, and had left: as the man who she now loved, and was with her. I felt... so much fear. She was blaming herself so much for leaving him, despite him being so cruel and abusive: and she knew I was the reason why she left him. Because she finally found happiness and solace in me, the same happiness and solace she had found in him once that somehow faded away. And I knew she'd hate me for it, because she thought she could've have prevented all of this if she had just remained in his life. 
 
 But, I knew. And, eventually she said it to. It was just a matter of time until he had committed something like this, there was nothing anyone could've done: but be more supportive; but be more caring and open-armed. And she kept repeating it over and over like there was nothing else in her mind: I could've done something, I could've done something. But, you could n't have, because of me. So, you became distant for a moment, and while you said nothing, I knew what you were contemplating. The nights became cold, and the days were even colder. 
 
 You sat and you wallowed in the good memories, while ignoring the horrid times. And you cried because of the impact he left on the people he was close to, and you ignored the impact he had eventually left on you. You preferred to focus on the good he once was, instead of the horrible he had become. And I could n't understand. Because you had spent so long convincing me to convince you that he did n't deserve you in his life: and now, you're convincing me that you only convinced me in the first place because you did n't know how to actually feel. And I was wrong, and so were you. 
 
 You actually loved him, and you did n't want to. So, you hid in me and made me change your mind in the only way and outside force could alter a system: by forcing it to be different. But, you never wanted to think differently, you just wanted an escape. Because he'd always be there. 
 
 But, now he's not. And the truth is out.
