[ WP ] A man orders a `` cheese pizza with no crust '' from a local pizza delivery joint as a joke . Unbeknownst to him , that pizza joint is a drug front and he just placed an order for a kilo of cocaine .

I was prioritizing my daily assignments. I have to start each day with a list of tasks, or nothing gets done. So I woke up thinking: How do I motivate myself to go out and form a friendly human bond today? That was what my therapist suggested I do. I had nothing against the idea, but it was an obstinate task. I have no basis for forming bonds, it's unrealistic. Anyway, I started by looking up the definition. 
 
 `` A bond is a relationship between two people based on shared feelings.'' 
 
 Ok, I can do that. 
 
 I looked through my list of tasks for the day to identify one that involved interacting with another person. There was n't one, because today is Saturday. I could've given up then. But I relinquished the fear and decided to order pizza for lunch. That's two human interactions on the whole: the phone call to order the pizza, and the reception at my front door. 
 
 I spent most of the morning looking at a list of human feelings to decide which one I wanted to share with the phone attendant and the delivery person. I decided that `` humor'' would be of benefit to both parties. I would orchestrate an event in which I would receive a pizza whilst sharing a humorous moment with the phone-attendant and delivery person. 
 
 I rang up Casadroga's. 
 
 `` Casadroga's.'' 
 
 `` Hi, I would like to place an order for delivery.'' 
 
 I gave them my name, address, and phone number. 
 
 `` What would you like?'' 
 
 `` I would like a *cheese pizza with no crust*.'' 
 
 He paused. 
 
 `` Who is this again?'' 
 
 His Italian accent was slipping. His voice weakened a little. I hit the funny bone. 
 
 I stated my name again. 
 
 `` Sir, did you say you would like a *cheese pizza with no crust*?'' 
 
 `` It's - it's good right?'' I sniggered. 
 
 It was completely silent on the other line. Muted. He probably had his hand cupped over the receiver, stifling laughter. This was a breakthrough. 
 
 `` Yah. It's good. Hold a minute.'' 
 
 I was confused by the phone attendant's behavior but I decided to roll with the punches. He had my name. My address. My phone number. All the ingredients for a friendship. I felt a little anxious, to be honest. For twenty years I had not felt an emotional connection to another person. 
 
 I heard footsteps in the receiver. Then his voice again. 
 
 `` The tomatoes are off.'' 
 
 I could not identify what he was feeling anymore. His voice was completely stiff. Was he evoking pity? Was it another joke? I just said the first thing that came to mind. 
 
 `` Ew.'' 
 
 `` SHIT'' I heard several voices clamor. Then he turned off the phone. 
 
 ****** 
 
 I'm not sure how I feel anymore. 
 
 Whenever I try to connect with another person, I get confused and say the wrong thing. I spent a few hours crying. I did n't even finish putting my list of daily assignments together.
