[ WP ] A serial killer has found his next victim and begins his normal routine of peeking through windows and popping up in mirrors , looking for that rush he gets off on . Unfortunately , his newest victim is a horror movie fan and has constructed his life around the prevention of such jump scares .

`` Hi.'' 
 
 I look at the blonde girl on the other side of the window. `` Huh… Hi.'' 
 
 `` Do you need anything?'' 
 
 I mean I was standing here in the freezing cold for forty minutes waiting for you to open the curtains and stumble 
 upon my pale, bony, deep-eyed face and freak out, but… 
 
 `` No, I was just… huh… I think I got the wrong house.'' 
 
 `` Oh… All right, then.'' 
 
 The girl closes the curtain again, and I sigh. 
 
 Later it's the damn bathroom mirror. I managed to get inside the house and now I'm hiding on the tub just 
 waiting for her to open the bloody medicine cabinet for like two hours, and then I realize the mirror is not a 
 cabinet, it's just a mirror. I do n't know where she keeps her meds, but I do know her bathroom door locks from the 
 outside as well as the inside, because I'm trapped here like an idiot now. 
 
 You know what? Fuck it, I'm knocking. 
 
 `` Yes?'' the girls says, smiling as she opens the door. 
 
 `` Hi. Why do you lock your bathroom door from the outside?'' 
 
 `` Why are you inside a stranger's bathroom?'' 
 
 `` I guess we both have valid questions'', I say, with a smile. `` Sorry. Listen, I'm going to level with you, I'm a serial killer.'' 
 
 Her eyes widen, and I can see a tiny fraction of a smile creeping in between her red lips. `` Really?'' 
 
 `` I don't… understand why this is good news, but, yeah, really. I've killed like, a lot of people.'' 
 
 `` Cool!'' 
 
 God damn it I should just go back to killing hamsters, like I did when I was a kid. People are weird. 
 
 `` Cool? How's it *cool*?'' 
 
 `` I always wanted to meet one!'' she says. `` Listen, do n't think I'm, like, obsessed or a freak or anything, but I have a ton of books about you guys. I've watched Silence of the Lambs like…a thousand times. I got a poster of Hannibal 
 Lecter. Actually, I have four. Five, to tell you the truth. All right, it's eight.'' 
 
 Great. A groupie. 
 
 `` Can I show you my murder house on The Sims? There's a sound proof dungeon where I keep the Sims that 
 do n't –'' 
 
 `` No. Look, lady, I'm not – I think I'll just kill you, ok?'' I roll my eyes, stepping out of the bathroom. `` I was going to do a whole thing scaring you and all that, but it's ruined now. so let's just get it over with.'' 
 
 `` All right. How are you going to do it?'' 
 
 She's really smiling now, like, genuinely happy. She's not ugly is what I think, as I pull out the knife. I could date her, is what I think. If I was n't going to kill her. 
 
 `` I'll just stab you to death, ok?'' 
 
 She rolls her eyes. `` Boooooring.'' 
 
 Her teeth, they've got that cute little gap in the middle, like Madonna. It's very... what's the word? 
 
 `` Ok, how would *you* do it, then?'' I ask. 
 
 `` I do n't know. Cover me in honey and throw me in a room full of wasps. Or bears. Cut a hole in my belly and stuff 
 it with salt until I dehydrate from the inside out.'' 
 
 `` Can you dehydrate from the outside in?'' 
 
 `` Shut up. Tie me to four horses and fire a shot so they each run a different direction. Stick a fish in my ear. Put a toothpick on fire through my eyes and under my skin. Whatever. Get creative, dude.'' 
 
 I look at the knife, then at her. You know this whole killing people thing is to fill a hole inside me, my therapist 
 says. It's the same reason I ca n't not finish a pack of Oreos when I open one. He said I should cut it out and find someone, and join a gym. 
 
 And the gap between her teeth. It's really cute. For real. 
 
 `` So? What's it going to be, Mr. Serial Killer?'' 
 
 Endearing. That's the word. For her smile. 
 
 `` Uuh! I know, I know! Tie me to the front of your car and then crash it against a wall, but not really fast. Like, just fast enough that I'm really hurt each time, but still alive. Then do it again and again and again. That's a good one! Right?'' 
 
 I pocket the knife, then I take a deep breath. `` Never mind. Come on'', I say. `` Show me your murdered Sims.'' 
 
 Her smile widens and she grabs my arm, pulling me towards her desk. `` Cool! Are you still gon na kill me?'' 
 
 `` I do n't think so. You wan na grab some dinner later?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, that sounds cool. Can we kill some people afterwards?'' 
 
 `` Sure'', I reply, as she fires up her Mac. Her background image is Anton Chigurh. `` Sure we can.'' 
 
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 [ Part II ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/psycho_alpaca/comments/3dake1/my_favorite_psychopath_part_ii/ ) ( which is a little graphical, so, you know... reader discretion is advised, I guess... ) 
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 *Thanks for reading! For more about serial killers with intimacy issues, check out /r/psycho_alpaca = ) * 

