[ WP ] Write the most satirically patriotic story you can American

Hey guys, did you hear about the government shut down? It sounds terrible! All those people being furloughed, it's just not fair. Also, I think that our Congress should pass as many bills as possible regardless of their quality or constitutionality. If you question our government, you do n't deserve to live in America. Let's not forget about Iran, either. They're still trying to build nukes and threaten our ally Israel. And China is taking away our jobs and just look at what happened to Detroit. All I know is that they better not come for my social security and universal health care sounds like a good idea. I guarantee you I'll vote out this do-nothing Congress next election! I learned my lesson but God forbid whoever the other party nominates for President in 2016! It will be the death of America if my candidate does n't win. Will they care about our veterans and teachers and small business entrepreneurs and climate change scientists and our children? Wo n't somebody please think of the children? Speaking of children, abortion is a pretty hot topic upon which I'll base my entire political philosophy. 9/11 Never Forget. Why have n't they imprisoned the bankers who brought this nation to its knees? Wall Street should not interfere with our democracy, only corporate news stations should do that. Last night I heard on NPR that greenhouse gas emissions are up 5 percent from this time last year, is n't that a tragedy?
