[ WP ] You are part of the first crew leaving our solar system . Your are in the middle of the Oort cloud and the computer signals an incoming message .

`` HIT THE IGNITION!!'' Rektor cried as we zipped through the Oort Cloud. `` Hold onto your cyroplasmic genital holders!!'' I responded hitting the ignition. The ship lurched forward brushing past orange dust particles at light speed. This was it! We were finally going through the Oort Cloud! The Mongolian Aerospace Ministry said this would be the most photogenic part of our journey to Plutron. Plutron was the name of the planet in the galaxy of Scotron. The Plutronese were a race that made contact with earth five years ago. They shared with us their knowledge of intergalactic travel. They looked like humans but were blue and the males had 18'' penises. They loved beach resorts and wanted to colonize earth to spend some time near our beaches. We had a lot of beaches on earth because of global warming so they were more than welcome. In exchange they told us their secrets and gave us their gold. Gold was worthless on Plutron and it was commonly used to wipe their asses. When we asked for it they laughed at us. Our species had formed a great friendship since then. Earthian women loved the Plutronese boys. Rektor and I were the first humans to visit Plutron. We were beaming with excitement. We watched so many Plutronese propaganda videos and the planet looked great. We were the first humans to leave the solar system. We were Earth's favorite sons! We both came from aristocratic southern families and were bred to be the best gentlemen we could be. Flying this spacecraft was easier than driving a hover car run on seaweed! The Ootron cloud was indeed beautiful. It sparkled like Christmas lights. Rektor leaned back in his chair. He twirled a martini. `` This is the life aye?'' He said with a relaxing sigh. I took the ship into a barrel roll and we both cackled with delight. His martini floated through the air- suspended due to the lack of gravity. He chased down the bubbles in big gulps. `` Let's level out and get this baby in hyperdrive!'' I said grabbing the control panel. I looked down to press the hyperdrive button. I was so stoked! I always got a boner when we went into hyperdrive. I reached to press the button when I noticed something. We had one unread message in our inbox. Our computer was hooked up to our instant messaging system. Even texting had gone intergalactic. It was our first intergalactic message! Rektor saw me eyeballing it. `` Open it!'' He exclaimed. I clicked it open. It was from the president of the Plutronese. `` Your planet has been destroyed and your people eradicated. You are the last survivors and will be our slaves.'' Rektor looked at me in horror. I was gobsmacked. I could n't believe we had been betrayed by the Plutronese. I scrolled down on the message in abject terror. I was trembling thinking about all the death that had just occured. I soon breathed a sigh of relief as I read the rest of the message. `` Just fucking with you. Did I scare you? Lol. see yall soon.'' The president of Plutron was such a clown. We loved that guy. Rektor pulled out some cocaine and we did a line as we blew into hyperdrive.
