[ WP ] If you laugh , you die . Comedians become the greatest weapons of war in the history of mankind .

You struggled weakly, pulling at the bonds that restrained you to the wooden chair. The rope had rubbed your skin raw and droplets of blood had seeped out from underneath the hemp, beginning to paint the cement floor a picturesque depiction of your last days of life. 
 
 You'd been here for days, weeks even. Endless hours of knock-knock jokes, penis-related one-liners and the occasional Yo' Mamma joke. 
 
 ( By this point, you were n't sure if waiting for your death was more torturous than how fucking bad those jokes were. ) 
 
 A war had arose seemingly out of nowhere and had soon become a battle between those who knew a good joke and those who could n't stop themselves from laughing. 
 
 It had been mayhem. 
 
 Presidents had been assassinated via light bulb jokes, important persons murdered through puns -- it was a comedic's world now. 
 
 You had been part of an underground group of stony-faced allies, planning to survive and win this war against the savage comic. You had n't held a superior position and it'd been jarring that you'd been the one abducted, but you'd held your own. 
 
 You were n't going to laugh for these bastards. 
 
 The door opened and the creaking sent a shiver down your spine. When you peered up, you were taken aback by the fresh face. 
 
 The woman smirked, lips curling something devilish as she strutted towards you, and you knew. With a joke on her tongue and blood on her mind, you'd have to build up a wall against whatever it was she was going to throw at you. 
 
 Mouth opening like a ventriloquist doll, so hauntingly disjointed, she began, `` What does a nosy pepper do?'' 
 
 You wondered what death by laughter would feel like. It had crossed your mind before, but not nearly as intensely as now. 
 
 You wondered if it'd be painless. 
 
 `` It gets jalapeño business.'' 
 
 And then you learnt. 
 
 It was n't.
