[ WP ] Adapt a fable or folk story for a Reddit audience

Once upon a cold New England Winter a young girl was walking through the snow and she happened upon a stranger with a knife. Frightened, the girl continued down the road and as she passed the stranger she noticed he never turned toward her as she passed. Cautious but curious she approached the stranger. 
 
 `` What are you doing?'' 
 
 `` I'm sharpening my knife'' 
 
 `` Are you going to hurt me? 
 
 `` No.'' 
 
 `` Are you going to hurt somebody else?'' 
 
 `` No.'' 
 
 `` Are you going to hurt an animal?'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' 
 
 `` That's horrible!!! Why would you do that?'' 
 
 `` So I can make bacon mittens.'' 
 
 `` Bacon mittens? What are those?'' 
 
 `` Only the best thing ever. They keep your hands warm, and then you get to eat bacon.'' 
 
 `` That sounds awesome.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, it does. Can I have a pair?'' 
 
 `` You can, but you're going to get greasy. 
 “ I don ’ t mind. ” 
 
 “ Then let ’ s make some bacon mittens. Except I can ’ t right now. My knife isn ’ t sharp enough. ” 
 
 “ Oh, that ’ s ok, use mine. ” So the girl takes out her butterfly knife and hands it to the stranger. 
 
 “ Excellent. But now we need some timber and a firepit to warm us up while we prepare. ” 
 
 “ Oh, come to my house, we have a big firepit outside and plenty of lumber. ” 
 
 So the girl and the stranger go home and explain to her family about their need for a fire pit and timber and they agree to let the stranger build a fire in the backyard. 
 
 “ Ok, now what? Where are the bacon mittens. ” 
 
 “ Well I just ran out of bacon in my backpack last night, and there has been that Beantown Bacon Blight that wiped out all the bacon. ” 
 
 “ Hey, doesn ’ t Charlie down the street keep pigs? Maybe he ’ ll let us carve one up for the bacon mittens. ” 
 
 So the family brings Charlie, his family and a pig over to their backyard where the stranger then slaughters the pig and proceeds to cut strips of bacon from its hide. He then shows the girl how to wrap the bacon around her hands and then she shows her family who shows charlie ’ s family as they all stay warm around the fire. 
 
 Soon the other neighbors hear and come over and smell the delicious bacon. A few bring their private stock of bacon and the vegans bust out some tofu to make gloves out of. 
 
 The night is going well and all enjoy themselves. Most of all their hands are warm. The little girl realizes that now although her hands are warm, her belly is cold. She forgot to zip up her jacket before putting on her bacon mittens. 
 
 She turned to the stranger to ask him how he zips up his jacket while wearing bacon mittens but he was gone with her knife. 
 
 “ Never mind, I ’ ll figure it out someday. ” she thought to herself as she mindlessly nibbled at her left mitten.
