[ WP ] Write a porno script that does n't suck .

S: `` Erghhhh, yeah... I love you so much, Dan...'' 
 
 D: `` That's a weird moan to make, is n't it?'' 
 
 S: `` Sh- shut up!'' 
 
 D: `` I'm just pointing it out. Sounds like you're taking a really huge shit.'' 
 
 S: For the love of god, can you just stop talking?'' 
 
 D: `` How come? Your mother always said-'' 
 
 S: `` For fuck's sake, Dan. Do n't fucking bring up my mother when you're supposed to be tongueboxing my pussy!'' 
 
 D: `` She's a wonderful lady, Stacy. You should n't talk about her like tha-'' 
 
 S: `` Dude! Can you cut that out with the mom-talk?! Seriously, it's a huge goddamn turnoff, you shithead.'' 
 
 D: ``... I'm beginning to think I should've asked your mother out instead. At least she'd appreciate what I had to go through to put up an effort tonight.'' 
 
 S: `` You jerked off on your phone to pop a semi! You have any idea how fucking creepy that is? To pull my phone up and start searching for porn in the middle of me giving you a blowjob?'' 
 
 D: `` Well, you were n't doing that good a job on it. Needed a bit more tongue action around the upper scrotum.'' 
 
 S: `` Tongue action?! You wan na talk about tongue action, what the hell do you think you're supposed to be doing right now?'' 
 
 D: `` Tonguepunching your farthole?'' 
 
 S: `` Nobody likes having their anus licked, you idiot!'' 
 
 D: `` Oh excuse me! Your mother did n't seem to fucking mind last time I came over!'' 
 
 S: `` YOU DID WHAT?!' 
 
 D: `` Shit, that was supposed to be a secret.'' 
 
 **Knock. Knock. Knock. ** 
 
 M: `` ~You kids using protection in there? I'm not old enough to be grandmother yet~!'' 
 
 S: `` Mom, what the fuck?! You banged my boyfriend!'' 
 
 M: `` Oooh.... shit. Dan, honey. That was supposed to be a secret.'' 
 
 D: `` I'm sorry, miss! Your daughter's just really goddamn terrible at blowjobs.'' 
 
 M: `` Was she not giving enough tongue around the upper scrotum?'' 
 
 S: `` MOM!'' 
 
 M: `` It's a big issue with beginners, you know!'' 
 
 **Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. ** 
 
 Dad: `` Honey, what're you doing up so late? We were going to watch The Wolf of Wallstreet together...'' 
 
 M: `` Stacy's losing her virginity right now and she's doing a terrible job at it.'' 
 
 Dad: `` Is she giving enough tongue around the upper scrotum?'' 
 
 D: `` No, no she is n't!'' 
 
 Dad: `` Stacy, darling. You need to go at it slow and gentle at first, then slowly romp your way up the shaft till you get to the head...'' 
 
 S: `` Dad! Did you know that Dan banged Mom?!'' 
 
 Dad: `` Yeah, fishing trip last week. We had a blast together! You should've come!'' 
 
 S: `` JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU? WHY WOULD YOU TAG-TEAM MY FREAKING MOTHER?!'' 
 
 M: `` That's because...'' 
 
 **Hip rock music from early 2000 starts playing. Audio blasts so loud it breaks down the door. Cue bright lights from the window as a rock band drops down in through the ceiling. ** 
 
 D/Dad/M: `` Stacy's mom has it goin' on!'' 
 
 S: ``... Fuck all of you. I hate every single damn one of you. Screw this shit, I'm moving to fucking Thailand.'' 
 
 M: `` Good, at least they'll teach you to LICK THE GODDAMN UPPER SCROTUM there.''
