[ WP ] I 'm fairly certain I 've closed my closet door more times than I 've opened it ...

`` Now I know this will seem far-fetched. To start my damned closet door just does n't stay shut; I'd always attributed it to a faulty spring mechanism. But today I'd had it:'A doorknob ca n't be that hard to fix,' I thought'I'm a grown man, an engineer; I should be able to fix a door.' 
 
 `` So I got out my tools and disassembled the doorknob as much as I could with the screwdriver, at which point I found myself looking at a heap of parts. I began to try to find the problem: when I was taking it apart a screw had been loose and it looked like the knob and the latch were n't fully connected, but as soon as I figured that out I could n't find my screwdriver. Swore I'd put it down a moment before right by the closet, figured I'd kicked it in there. I'm not one to go reaching around in the dark so I got out my flashlight and just as I was about to turn it on my screwdriver rolled out of the closet.'' 
 
 The store clerk looked at me leary-eyed for a moment then asked `` And that's when you came here?'' 
 
 I laughed `` No, no, do n't worry. I finished putting the doorknob back together. Then I paused. As I picked up my flashlight the closet door eased closed, almost like the wind did it but that room was sealed shut.'' 
 
 The store clerk seemed more convinced of my sanity but still asked `` So then you came here?'' 
 
 I shrugged `` I started off on my way to the hardware store to get a deadbolt, but along the way my stomach growled. Made me remember that my bacon went missing this morning.'' 
 
 `` Ah! Now I see!'' The clerk looked at me with understanding: `` So what kind of handgun do you think you'll need?''
