[ WP ] You use your powers of necromancy for good ; tending crops , hunting to feed a village , fighting off bandit raids and unsavory creatures . Unfortunately , the churches of the lands you visit keep telling every would-be party of heroes that you 're an evil lich brainwashing people .

Elric sighed as he walked down the stony path towards the outskirts of the village, knowing that he would once again come face-to-face with another insufferable group of misguided adventurers. 
 
 `` Halt, foul Lich!'' cried a man's voice, dripping with knightly rhetoric. `` You shall plague this town no longer with your foul magics!'' 
 
 I looked over to him, rolling my eyes. `` Did the priest from Varr send you people this time? Or was it the Bishop from Numbleton? In any case, you've got the wrong ide-'' 
 
 Before I could explain anything to these idiots, an arrow whizzed past me, landing somewhere inside the local tavern. `` We'll hear nothing from you, brainwashing fiend!'' Typical elves. Shoot first, knock more arrows, shoot again, then *maybe* interrogate the perforated corpse. 
 
 I tried to open my mouth again, but then their pretty-boy blond hair blue eyes cleric screeched `` He's going to raise his dead! Or turn the townspeople against us! Attack attack!'' 
 
 At this point I was too dead to say anything, likely from the decapitation, courtesy of the Knight's longsword. I contacted my usual guy. 
 
 `` Harry, are you there?'' 
 
 `` I TOLD you to call me'blood-feeder,' but whatever.'' 
 
 `` I got killed again.'' 
 
 `` What was it THIS time?'' 
 
 `` Decapitation. Also arrows, probably'' The formless mass of dead and undead shook a few heads at me `` Damn it, Elric! That's the fourth time this week! Do you even have enough blood for payment?'' 
 
 `` C'mon, man. Just take some from the flowing neck wound.'' 
 
 `` Fine, fine. But you better kill those heroes for the rest!'' 
 
 `` I promise.'' 
 
 As I felt my head reattaching to my neck, I thought about what to do with the rest of their bodies... *Maybe their corpses can be used for mulch. It's almost planting season. I promised Theo that I'd help him with his tomatoes this year, and legions of extra help raised from the cemetery just does n't seem to work. Oh, and I also need some more eyeballs and groins for the hunting charms, I need to get my share for the feast in a couple weeks* 

