[ WP ] An atheist and a Satanist meet at the gates of heaven . Saint Peter says there 's only room for one of them .

“ Sorry you guys but only one of you can come in. We ’ re almost at capacity. ” 
 
 “ I might not have believed in this whole heaven thing but I still led an honest life and was kind to others. That ’ s got ta count for something Pete? ” 
 
 “ First of all it ’ s Mr. Saint Peter to you, and second off nope. What do you have to say Satanist? ” 
 
 “ Fuck you Saint Peter. Satan is my God. He treats his loyal followers like kings in hell. You can let the atheist in, I ’ ll be fine. ” 
 
 Saint Peter takes a moment to think and before he can make his decision… 
 
 “ Saint Peter! ” 
 
 “ Jesus is that you? ” 
 
 “ It is my friend. I was performing a miracle at a Spanish family ’ s home in the Bronx. The old ‘ my pancake looks like Jesus ’ thing. People love that one. ” 
 
 “ Classic Jesus. ” 
 
 “ So what ’ s going on here? Are these two gentlemen about to enter the Kingdom of Heaven? ” 
 
 “ Well Jesus I was just thinking about it and can ’ t come to a decision. You know we have that new construction going on so until it ’ s done we only have room for 1 more person. He is an atheist and he is a Satanist. I didn ’ t really like their arguments to get in, or out in the Satanist case, so I ’ m having trouble deciding. ” 
 
 “ Well the Satanist worships another God and that breaks the 1st commandment. I mean it ’ s the very first one. That ’ s kind of a big deal. ” 
 
 “ You ’ re right Jesus. I suppose we should let the atheist in. ” 
 
 “ Whoa there Saint Peter. The atheist lived a life believing in nothing. Absolutely nothing. I mean that kind of person seems like a bummer to have hanging around Heaven. ” 
 
 “ So what do we do Jesus? ” 
 
 “ You said there is only room for 1 more person? ” 
 
 “ Yes Jesus. ” 
 
 “ OK. Well make them have a sword fight with their pensis and the winner can come in. ” 
 
 “ …. ” 
 
 “ What are you waiting for Saint Peter, make it happen. ” 
 
 “ Ummm OK. So we are going to settle who gets in by having a penis sword… ” 
 
 “ HAHAHAHA oh man Saint Peter you were actually going to do it! Hahaha oh I needed that laugh. You ’ re a funny dude Saint Peter. ” 
 
 “ Uh, well, you are in charge around here Jesus so whatever you say… ” 
 
 “ Relax Saint Peter. Just having some fun. But we are going to have to review what exactly your role should be here at Heaven. ” 
 
 “ Why? ” 
 
 “ Because that guy is a fucking Satanist Saint Peter. Come with me atheist, we ’ ll get you up to speed. ” 

