[ wp ] God appears to all humanity and reveals the true secret to eternal life . All you have to do is go one day each year without wearing any shoes . As usual , humanity reacts in different ways .

FOX News Headline: *God's grievance against Shoe Industry. * 
 
 MSNBC: *God speaks after 2 eons, discusses loafers. * 
 
 CNN: **No Shoes for You! ** 
 
 
 
 The Catholic church mandated all believers should remain shoeless on December 6th in honor of Saint Nicholas, known for putting coins in shoes on that day. 
 
 The Mormons typically do n't have enough shoes to go around so one of the children inevitably goes shoeless at least once a year anyway. 
 
 Rebbi Mortechai Goldsmith commented, `` Shoes, shmoes. Who can afford a pair anyway? Do you really think the lord cares about a pair of burgandy Sperrys?'' 
 
 Imam Seyyid Ahl al-Bayt commented on Al Jazeera that sandals are not shoes so wearing sandals counts as not wearing shoes. 
 
 Rebbi Mortechai commented that sandals were shoes like Matzoh is baguette. `` I'm just saying,'' the Rebbi concluded. 
 
 The Pope and Imam Ahl al-Bayt both interpreted the Rebbi's comments to support their stance kicking off another round of holy wars and intifada. 
 
 In Middle Eastern and Asian countries where many poor people could n't afford shoes to begin with, roving bands of religious extremists murdered the shoeless claiming that they supported religious beliefs antithetical to Allah's will, although these bands never quite explained their own religious beliefs. 
 
 Congress in the United States remained split on an amendment to the Constitution making it illegal to walk shoeless outside one's premises after a huge influx of lobby money from the Shoe Manufacturers Association of America influenced key Republican congressmen. Extremely conservative members of the GOP killed any chance of the amendment passing when they attached a rider insisting that all American citizens must wear shoes at all times including when they sleep within their premises of their own homes as well. 
 
 God watched the drama unfolding from Heaven and turned to Saint Peter. `` See, I told you it was a bad idea. You ca n't give those people a bone without them wanting to beat someone over the head with it.'' 
 
 `` Fine,'' Saint Peter harrumphed. `` It was worth a try, though. Go ahead and wipe them out, if you insist. I tell you, the next batch wo n't be any better.'' 
 
 `` Well,'' God said, `` I've got to give it the old celestial try, do n't I? What's on your calendar in say, fourteen billion years?'' 
 
 Saint Peter rolled his eyes. `` Ca n't you speed this thing up? Does evolution really have to take so long?'' 
 
 `` Well, how long do you want it to take?'' God asked. 
 
 `` I do n't know,'' Saint Peter shrugged. `` How about seven days.'' 
 
 `` My, are n't you in a hurry. Okay, we'll do it your way this time, but I still think a week is n't much time to get it right.'' 
 
 And then there was dark. 
 
 And then there was not.
