[ CW ] Write a murder mystery involving a stuffed dinosaur , the beastie boys , and set in 1940s New York .

Private Investigator Wyatt Reporting in. 
 
 I wake up to the sounds of a waterfall. 
 
 It's in my head. 
 
 Too much liquor last night 
 
 Rolling out of bed is a chore that I must do. I somehow land feet first. 
 
 Turn on the shower and test the temperature. Close enough. 
 
 Stand there with the water washing over me and pretend it's washing away the sins of the night prior. 
 
 Get out, dry off, and realize it did n't. 
 
 I need to sober up. 
 
 Chug a half gallon of water and puke. 
 
 Better. 
 
 Ish. 
 
 What the fuck was that call from last night? A case. A paying case. 
 
 I needed to get to Brooklyn. 
 
 No Sleep until I get there. 
 
 The Bulls have ruled it out as a suicide. 
 
 Bull shit. 
 
 This had homicide written all over it. 
 
 The kid was obviously crushed. 
 
 With a hug. 
 
 I drove to the `` You Love Me'' nightclub sideways and blindingly sober. 
 
 `` I need to speak to the manager.'' I slurred to the ape of a doorman. 
 
 `` Ai n't in.'' Was what I got as a response. 
 
 Fucking Donkey. 
 
 `` Okay.'' I was getting rattled. 
 
 `` Can I get in for a drink? I've had a shit week.'' 
 
 `` Sure. But we will meet again'' He says. 
 
 Yes. Yes we will. 
 
 Loud noises. 
 
 This place is the epitome of loud. 
 
 I ca n't even register what the fuck is going on musically. 
 
 I head to the upstairs office. 
 
 Shit music gets muted as I enter and close the door behind me. 
 
 `` Barney.'' 
 
 I say it the same way people pronounce `` Nazi.'' 
 
 `` Hello.'' He says. Deadpan 
 
 `` I'm just wondering about a kid who was Candy Crushed last weekend.'' I say with an air of arrogance. 
 
 `` I do n't know what you're talking about.'' The fucker responds. 
 
 `` I want to know what happened to Jeff.'' 
 
 Barney kicks back in his chair and lets out a hearty laugh. `` Who the fuck is Jeff?'' 
 
 `` Jeff ( You arrogant asshole ) is the guy that you've seen on the news that got smothered to death.'' 
 
 Barney acts like he has no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. 
 
 `` He was last seen here in your place.'' I offer. 
 
 Barney says he's never met anyone named Jeff. 
 
 He's stuffed full of it. 
 
 `` You useless, stuffed, purple fuck.'' I ca n't help my hangover rage. `` You killed that sonuvabitch and I know it! I just want to know why?'' 
 
 Barney gives me the dead eye stare. 
 
 `` I love you.'' He says. `` You love me.'' 
 
 He is fucking adorable. I ca n't help but love him. He's so... 
 
 **Shit! ** 
 
 He would have had me. This shit is Sabotage. 
 
 He's the cheese and I'm the macaroni. 
 
 Got ta get my shit together. 
 
 Technically I'm as hard as steel. 
 
 I get to the point. `` Did you kill Jeff?'' 
 
 Barney goes all Of Mice And Men on me. 
 
 `` I Hugged him a bit.'' he says. 
 
 `` Did he die?'' I ask. 
 
 `` Kind of.'' He says. 
 
 Well Shit. 
 
 `` You're under arrest.'' 

