[ WP ] God answers all of your prayers , and only your prayers . God is also kind of a dick with a matching sense of humor .

`` Hello God, I'm praying today because of all the inequality in the world. I just want everyone to be equal. Amen.'' 
 
 `` Hello God, first of all, thanks for answering my previous prayer. It means a lot. But the results have n't been exactly what I had in mind. I know that the world is now experiencing equality for the first time, but recent developments have caused a food shortage. In fact, we are ALL starving. All of us. If you could please give us all some food that would be great. Thanks. Amen.'' 
 
 `` Hello God, thanks so much for the help. We now have an abundance of food. We also ca n't fucking breath because of this abundance. We are literally suffocating from the amount of nourishment that you've dropped on our heads. When I prayed for food I did n't expect you to fill the earth with garlic bread and linguini like it was a ball pit at a children's playground. If you could give us a little less food that would be great. Also, we could really use some water, it's been hard to find among all of this Italian food. Amen'' 
 
 `` Look motherfucker, I'm trying to delegate here and you are making me look like an asshole. You are the creator of all things so show some God damn common sense. When I asked for water I did n't mean recreate the set to the movie'Waterworld'. I'm not fucking Noah, I do n't know how to build an ark. Please, just forget everything I asked of you and put things back the way they were. Amen.'' 
 
 `` Darkness? Seriously? I ca n't even hear my own voice. I'm either dead or in a vacuum. Did you just destroy everything you created just to fuck with me? When I said put things the back the way they were I did n't mean go back to the beginning before You created. Wait a second, why would you let my consciousness survive? For the sake of your sick joke? Look man, hear me out seriously....................................'' 

