[ WP ] `` I am not them . This is who I am . ''

I walk in line. Fourth in place, of course. That's where I am supposed to be. I do n't know why I am fourth in place. I was told to be fourth in place, however long ago. I do n't think time matters anymore. 
 
 I used to think time mattered. I'd go to work Monday. And Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. On Saturdays, I'd date or I'd hang out or I'd stay home. Saturdays were like that. Variable. I miss Variable. Sunday I would go to Church. Sometimes I would believe. 
 
 The line moves; now I am third in place, of course. I look ahead of me. I see the two who are going to be before me. I can see them, waiting. Looking forward. Same as me. Waiting. Same as me. What were we waiting for? I do not know; I am just supposed to be in line. I do not look back. You are not supposed to do that. 
 
 I had a girlfriend. I do n't remember her name. I remember how she smelled. Like vanilla, like chocolate, like mint, like herself. We lived together. Where I live now. She does n't live there, though. Just me. Saturdays we spent together. And everyday we could, but we both worked for the future. Everything for the future. 
 
 Forward again. I am second in place, of course. I think that the door is there. I remember the door, but not what is behind it. It's blue. The kind of blue where you think it is white. It's reminiscent of those little eggs I would find on the ground. I use to think that the baby bird would soon come out. I now know they never would. 
 
 My mother would call, sometimes. She would ask how the day was, how the days were, and how the tomorrows would be. It was a pleasant distraction from whatever I was doing. My mother would talk for a long time. She would tell me what my sister was up to. My sister was always up to something. Once, she told me that my father passed away. Back then, it hurt so much. That he had left me like that. Not even saying goodbye. Goodbye was extinct now. Hello was too. It was just me. And those in front of me. 
 
 The line comes to an end for me. I am first in place. I can not see anyone in front of me. Just the blue door. The doorknob is brass. Doorknobs are usually brass. I could reach out and touch it right now, but I wo n't. Not yet. It's not my turn. 
 
 The knock came, long ago. At my door. It was just me at home. My girlfriend lived there still, at that time, but she was not there. I opened the door, and now I am in line. I was not first in place then. I have waited a long line to be first in place. 
 
 The door unlocks. Everyone in front of me has gone in and disappeared. I do not know if anyone is behind me. I have n't ever turned around. I hesitate. Nobody else has hesitated. But I am me; I am not them. I turn around. Nobody else has turned around. But I am me; I am not them. I see those waiting. They do n't see me. Their eyes are vacant and forward. I know they are reliving their life as I have mine. I remember behind that door. I remember because I have been here many times before. I remember the robbery. I remember the gun. I remember I never even got to say goodbye. 
 
 Now I reach for the doorknob. It's brass, and it's cold outside. But the doorknob is warm. I did not say goodbye. It was time to say hello. Through that door, I would not be me. I would not be them. I would be again, though. 
 
 Edit: fixed the paragraphs
