[ WP ] The death penalty has been replaced by a one way trip to Mars .

I turn on the TV. Its a news channel. The headline. 
 
 `` Mass chaos occurs after recent capital punishment ruling.'' 
 
 My mind contemplates this headline before my ears could fully tune in on the sounds of the reporters voice who started talking mid sentence. My grandma snoring on the couch does not help ether. However my mouth totally decided to jump the gun and spurt out a nice and crisp `` What the fuck?'' 
 
 Grandma, who was sleeping next to me, rustles a bit but falls back to sleep. Thank God because I do not want to have to deal with that bitch of a human being. 
 
 The news woman continues `` This Just In. The White House has released this statement regarding this ruling. In the face of overcrowding prison complexes, potential for escape, humanitarian issues and recent budget cuts, congress and I both agree that we should unveil a new program to move all inmates scheduled for capital punishment shall be transferred to be part of the permanent colonization effort on Mars.'' 
 
 I was shocked to hear this. Here I was dumbfounded. The worst of humanity? Really? Why do those fuckers get to be the first to walk on Mars? Throughout history when we think of great explorers we think of great leaders who are just and kind and brave like Neil Armstrong. A pure true american icon. A Eagle Scout. Pure in his actions. Nothing to hold against him, unless you frequent /r/conspiracy much. A pure explorer who has stolen our hearts of children. But now all I know is that our next one small step speech is going to probably start with the `` n'' word and end with a pledge to a gang back at home given by an inmate who is not wearing his space suit properly as if he where asking to be analy raped on the spot. Not exactly the kind of thing that you want to teach your kids in kindergarden is it. 
 
 The news reporter continued. `` After this statement was released thousands of people are trying for a death sentence to get a one way ticket to mars through mass murder, violent rape...''. 
 
 `` Heh! Dumb fucks.'' I mutter to myself, partly out of the humor of it all. But then a thought rushed through my head. `` You have not done shit with your life. I mean look ar yourself. You cant hold a job, or a girlfriend who can hold a job. Your living with an annoying grandma because your parents got tired of supporting your useless endeavors to get out of the house. your 37 years old. People are married at your age, a guy who was 10 years younger than you invented Facebook and made billions off of it. These people are seizing a chance to do something with their life, to take an adventure. Not all explorers where pure people. The puritans on the mayflower where social rejects from England. The colony of Pennsylvania was formed as a type of prison. Christopher Columbus killed and abused so many Native Americans. This is how history is. The rejects of society are the ones who make the'giant leap for mankind.''' 
 
 It dawned on me. This was my calling. This is why i do n't have a job. This is why I have no ties to this Earth. It is because I need to be free to explore. I knew what i had to do. I had to sever the one tie that is keeping me down on this God forsaken planet. I quietly got a steak knife from the kitchen, creeped back into the living room where the tv was still on. What was being discussed I did not know for in the pure focus of my endeavor I tuned out everything else than the mission at hand. With one swift swipe i sever that one tie holding me down at its neck. Grandma's lifeless body lies on the blood stained couch. There it was my ticket out of here, off this planet, to a whole new life. I fall onto the couch out of pure joy. My sensual awareness of my surroundings comes back as the tunnel vision fades away. I hear the news report. 
 
 ``... however all candidates for this mission must have been convicted by today this does not mean arrested today.'' 
 
 My lips get the better of me again 
 
 `` FUCK''. 
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 i know it was late and im not expecting much feedback on this but thank you for reading. this as of now is my favorite piece of writing I have done so far.
