[ WP ] A schizophrenic falls in love with one of her hallucinations .

Hanna looked at the tall trees out the car window. The tall pines ranked like soldiers, the black pooling shadows deeper the pines like great subaqueous stilts in the blackness or giant arrows stuck straight in the ground She thought she could see vague stirrings of Puppydog slinking throughout the forest. The world felt crystal behind the car window, like a movie, Hannah could feel the patterns interlocking in their seismic connects, the trees writhing and, limbs waving under wind like shellacked preachers. The passed the crest of a hill passing a sign that said 30 miles, and descended the valley. She could see the close pines moving by swiftly and the farther trees passing slow like the car was lassoed to a rope that was slowly reeling her round. 
 
 She closed her eyes, bored at the scenery and leaned back against the headrest, she heard something talking softly nothings and Hannah listened, the radio was on talking about crucifixtion. She frowned and when she reached for the volume nob she noticed it was Chris probably talking crap again. The radio was off. 
'Yeah the house was fine top too bottom' 
 And then it hit her. Eviction, the fucking eviction of course. She was was evicted. She nodded with him vacantly yet her mind flew back. She had been hearing noises in the house for the last few months. Mousetraps had been set and one had been caught and killed. She had fed to Jaspers, Jaspers had ignored the prize and it began to stink up her apartment. 
 
 But the noises increased, followed by a knocking sound. The plumbers had left after tramping all over the flat and leaving great chalk boot stains on her carpet. She took some of it between her fingers, she knew it was the same consistency of the chalk that was of the same type to the soil in Champagne in France. She remembered when she spent time working on the trenches. Father when he was alive had arranged it through the Imperial War Museum where he had a few friends. 
 
 There was construction work going on nearby that they were working on. The plumbers laughed and said she was a brave woman for taking some soil left on plumbers boot after she was right. Curious. 
'Some mad eccentric imported the stuff for his garden' joked one plumber, as the other took apart her tap. They also checked the windflow in the house, and while one explained how drafts can slam doors shut. She didnt think they would be so knowledgeable but they were surprisingly witty and intelligent. 
 They even petted Jaspers who pawed at the hand that fed him. Puppydog when he was still around would have lingered in her peripheral vision whispering sweet nothings and then would have advised her to store car battery acid in a plastic watercooler cup to cast in their eyes in case they raped her. 
 
 She brought over Chris and they looked over the house he identified the vent near the ceiling as the culprit, sound was being echoed from the old pipes and muttering from a old laundry chute that propped the building like a spine. Knocking and a low muttering that sometimes drifted in, always pleasant things about cooking spaghetti and football games in England. Sometimes she heard low groans, almost sexual groans but she was n't sure. 
 Chris had been worried about her 
'Hannah-' 
 
'Yeah' 
 
'You okay there, yeah?' 
 
'Mm' 
 
'Okay make sure your taking your meds you know' 
 
'Yeah thanks Chris' 
 
'Just making sure Han.' He smiled eyebrows raised nodding a little in that little display of Chris-ness. 
 
 She smiled a grimace, you fuck, big bro Chris looking after Bannana Hannah, I heard the jokes, big girl did you take your lollipop, Hannah is craazeey, she knew he made sure but it was maddening being around him. She remembered in college they were predrinking, she was doing most of it. White russians, they were drinking White Russians. She could remember the sweet taste of vodka. 
 Hannah cast her mind back. A birthday party, it was hers she she thought. There had been quite a few since. Hannah was joking around having a quiet staring contest with Tara and Chris became agitated mentioned the'm' word. She was always careful and she felt so flustered and embarrassed like a stake twisting in the gut she wished she could close her eyes and not exist. Puppydog was bad that month, he came back with a snarl. Together they found a chink in the corner of the carpet where it was ripped up and the concrete was underneath and he urged her to sharpen the end of her toothbrush. She was a vampire and horrible old vampire. She ignored Chris for a while and he apologized in the end. 
'Chris?' 
 Yeah he looked over to her, him 25 and already going a bald the hair pointing forward like the prow of ship but the beard giving his weak jaw an aura of sturdiness. 
 
'Wheres Tara these days?' 
 
'Tar- oh Tara? Jeez thats a throwback' he laughed and stroked his thinning hair. He paused thinking looking glum. 
 
'Tara... - I think Tara went volunteering in uh Ghana, great place apparently, you'd think it would be all disease and warlords,'' he snorted, and scratched his beard with one hand, 
 
''She never mentioned it when we were last chatting'' Hannah said 
 
''She always said she wanted to go travelling after nursing'' Chris said quietly. 
 It was quiet for a moment 
 
''Tara,'' he said sadly,'' a great girl'' 
 They remained in silence. 
 
 They were nearly there. She did n't want to be here, Chris urged her to come to the national park. It was after the eviction, which to be honest could n't have come at a better time, her lease was up and the place was crap, she was on the right meds, she was looking for a better place, thank god for her trustfund, a place found her a place near the park back home and he was only down the road from his work. He knew she loved that park, it was where she found Jasper as a little kitten and took him back. She was off her meds on that day but Jasper eased it somehow. 
 Puppydog told her to skin it alive with a stanley blade. 
 
 manywaystoskinacat he said, and it was rare when he spoke. 
 
 She did do some bizarre things though, she remembered buying 200 tins of dog food and mailing it to dog pounds to appease Puppydog, she remembered gluing every penny in the house to the ceiling to connect to the stars. She remembered when she went to the park to talk to Puppydog. Puppydog would take over a duck and he loved croissants. He in turn made her eat her own hair and when she found Jasper she stopped it and petted that little ball of fur. 
 
 They continued down the valley around a bend. Chris stopped the car, and put the carkeys in his pocket. He turned to her and said, 
'Just a quick smoke break' He then smiled. He left the car and it plipped the doors locking. Hannah stayed in the seat, she was tired from the long trip. She watched Chris and his small shoulders hunched as hit lit his cigarette, his beard tipped with grey and how they shared everything even when her parents were gone and she felt a tenderness for him, he was her brother and she was this difficult bitch that hampered his life. Hannah looked at it, the far away trees small the size of pin's and their leaves soft like a flame from a Bic lighter, the closer ones serrated, and large like matches and the nearest ones looming giants like a parent over a bed, bending with your vertigo. 
 Hannah could see Chris answer and while the smoke drifted over his shoulder like a veil and he talked animatedly. She could hear'Tara' mentioned coming through the closed window tinny and he looked so happy smiling for the first time in months and she was sure, her heart leaping at her name a little. She loved her brother and wanted him to be happy. She imagined Chris and Tara together and she felt a rare joy at it. She would make a great aunty. They pulled out and went on the road, she waited a few moments. 
 
'Was that Tara' she asked casually 
 
'No' he said easily, 
 
'But I heard you said her name, on the phone, where you talking about her?' 
 
 He nibbled his lip and then looked at her,'Ok, Yeah it was Tara' 
 
'Oh' 
 
 He smiled lips pursed. 
 
'Then-' 
 
'I was trying to keep it a surprise Hannah! Ok?' he said, his eyebrows raised. 
 
 The trip proceeded smoothly they were nearly there, the trees grew closer, but she and Chris did not. She was nearly in tears, and Puppydog began poking his face at her between the trees making faces full of teeth at her, a face of evil. He was bounding beside the car full of teeth and lies telling her to pull the handbrake of the car. Chris pulled into the national park and the cabin there and Tara standing their her hand shading her eyes. Chris smiled and said, 
 
'Please Hannah will you wait here a moment.' 
 
'No problem Chris' she smiled,'go get her'. 
 
'Yeah' he looked at her and gave a crooked grin. 
 She waited. 
 
 Chris exited the car, careful to lock it, and walked to Tara, his feet crunching the gravel. 
 
'How did you manage' she asked and she hugged him. 
 He shuddered, 
 
'I think it was a mistake for me to breach training. No first names-' 
 
'Chris, her trustfund. Her parents wished the best for her and god knows I was no shakes as an actor and I dont want to wipe arses for the rest of my life.'' 
 
 Chris looked at her. 
 
'Those bastards, all these years and fucking Lord whathisname I have n't even met them. This is wrong Tara' 
 
'We are making her happy, this place will properly care for her and do n't ever mention his name babe, even in anger or joking, this is n't exactly legal'. 
 
 Chris disengaged from her hug and looked away. 
 
'The constant relapses from when she thinks in college again? How are they still alive? She's almost fifty' 
 
'I know its hard' Tara soothed,''but-' 
 
'In a few weeks she is going to ask if we had children yet and that horrendous fucking doll, after the marriage of course? And then back to- to college and we are drinking fucking milk its not even real'' Chris broke, and he began to weep falling to his knees, and Tara placed her hand on his head. 
 
'Oh Chris, I know, I know, I know, but Chris' she gulped and stooped down to him stroking his thinning hair,'we could retire of her' 
 
 Hannah was smiling raptly at Chris and Tara embracing, it was like the movies, the kiss the hot mouths, the hand touching the neck. Puppy dog had retreated to the sorrows squealing and gnashing his teeth then Chris began to cry. But it was fine, Chris was on his knees and his just asked Tara to marry him.
