[ WP ] here you stand , alone again , about to take your own life . Nothing is holding you back now . You decide to look around your room one more time until something catches your eye , and the impact it has on you stops you in your tracks and makes you realize why you ca n't do this to yourself .

I'm sitting on the edge of my bed. I look at the bottle of pills in my hand. Small and orange and prescribed for something I did n't have to someone I'm not. They'd be my cure now. I've done the research. Four or five will put me out. I'll fade. Slow. 
 
 I've decided I'm taking the whole bottle. I do n't want slow. 
 
 My face is dry, no tears have rolled down my cheeks in months. I've punched through the other side of depression and into the void. Into the numbness. `` Cheer up'' they say. `` Do n't be so glum''. `` Smile''. 
 
 They do n't get it. They say they do. They do n't. God, I'm so sick of it. Sick of all of it. Of the numbness. Of the meaninglessness. And most of all: the people telling me to get over it. 
 
 I crack the bottle and looks at it's contents. They wo n't be missed - I made sure that the owner, a sickly aunt, had a fresh bottle. She's a pill head that the quacks keep facilitating. Fuck this world. 
 
 I bring the orange cup of my freedom to my lips. `` Over the lips, and passed the gums...'' I think. I hesitate. My room is a mess, as always; a few bars of light spring from the edges of my drawn blind like water from a broken dam; there's just enough light to make out the dunes of clothing that fill my floor. They'll find me in a few days, my parents, when they get back. 
 
 They'll think I'm asleep. 
 
 Dad will call me a lazy shit. Mum will tell him not to say that, but she'll think the same. Then they'll cry. Then they'll forget me. Then they'll be hap- 
 
 `` Watcha dooooo un?'' 
 
 Cassie waddled into my room. She's four years old. 
 
 `` Cass, what are you doing here?'' I was shocked to see her, I hide the pills behind my back. `` I thought you were going with Mum and Dad?'' 
 
 She crawls onto my bed next to me and looks up at me with tiny green eyes. 
 
 `` Daddy sayed I was bee un a lil *bit* so I had to stay.'' She said. `` But now! I get to play wif youuuuuuuu!'' She hugged me. 
 
 I had closed up the pills and dropped them down the side of my bed. I hugged her back. Her face was buried in my side but she spoke anyway. 
 
 `` Shish?'' She could n't say Sean, so she had named me Shish `` Shish? Mummy sayed you are said. But special sad. She sayed you should just be happy.'' 
 
 Her words disappointed me. That's all I could feel now. I was disappointed that that's still how Mum thinks, and more disappointed that she had let Cass hear about it. 
 
 `` I fink,'' came Cass' muffled voice `` Special sad do n't need happy.'' 
 
 `` Really? What do you think it needs, Cass?'' I liked Cass. Like most kid's she had a weird way of seeing the world. 
 
 `` Hugs.'' She squeezed me tighter. `` Just hugs.'' We sat for a little while and said nothing. 
 
 `` Cass, how bout I make sandwiches and we play the Wii?'' 
 
 She disappeared from my room in a blur and left a screaming trail of `` Yaaaay!'' that got only slightly quieter with distance. 
 
 I reached down the crack behind my bed, took the pills and went to the bathroom. I flushed every single one and looked in the mirror. 
 
 `` Shishy! Huwwy up!'' 
 
 I smiled and wiped a tear from my cheek.
