[ WP ] You 've been finding a lot of loose change in your couch lately . It turns out it 's the tiny speaking spider paying rent .

My best friend is a spider named Gerald. 
 
 I know, that probably sounds loony. How can anyone be friends with a *spider? * 
 
 But this one talks! 
 
 I met him about a year ago. I ’ d just moved into my apartment, and since he ’ s a shy fellow he didn ’ t introduce himself. In fact, he hid, and honestly, I don ’ t know if I ever would ’ ve noticed him if he hadn ’ t started leaving change all over the place. 
 
 That ’ s right! 
 
 On my dresser, under my desk, next to my coffeepot—he left it *anywhere* he thought I would see it. At first, I didn ’ t think much of it. Hell, *everyone's* had spare change just seemingly appear out of nowhere, right? 
 
 One day, Gerald finally worked up the nerve and introduced himself to me. Sure, it was awkward. I may or may not have stood across the room screaming, holding a can of Axe and a lighter as I threatened to burn the place down—and that may or may not have been before he even started talking—but once we sat down and got to know one another, we realized we had a bunch in common! 
 
 We both like cheesy horror movies—apparently the prior tenant had watched them nonstop—reading, and video games. He told me that when I would go to work he'd sit around all day hundred-percenting old games I never played anymore. 
 
 He ’ s great, and since then, we ’ ve been inseparable. Sure, my dates would probably find it a little weird if they knew I ’ m not *actually* crushing that spider that scared them and that he ’ s *actually* my friend—but eh. He ’ s one of the boys, you know? 
 
 Plus, he pays rent. That ’ s why he used to leave change everywhere. You believe that? My man Gerald is so nice that even before I knew him he was trying to help me out. 
 
 My best friend is a spider named Gerald, and I wouldn ’ t change that for the world. 
 *** 
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