[ WP ] One day , while petting your cat , you accidentally pull his tail , and it opens up . Inside , there 's a USB connector . You connect it to your laptop , an announcement pops up . -Cat Version : 1.0.0 . Update to 256.3 ?

I withheld a scream as Cicero's fluffy orange tail came away in my hand, still wriggling. My shocked eyes flicked to the feline and he sat down, looking unconcerned, licking a paw. 
 
 Shaking, I examined the appendage and found at its base not spurting blood and carnage, but a usb stick. 
 
 *What? * Slowly, and with great trepidation, and many skeptical glances at my cat, I moved to plug the tail into my computer tower. 
 
 A small update window appeared at the edge of my screen. 
 
 `` Cat version 1.0.0. detected. Would you like to upgrade to Cat version 256.3.0.?'' 
 
 With still shaking hands I clicked yes, and nearly shrieked when the tail jerked vertically into the `` happy'' position and began to shiver violently. 
 
 I looked at Cicero, who had now jumped up onto the desk. A ding signaled the completion of the update, and he pawed the screen impatiently. 
 
 Another ding as I gently tugged the fluffy, twitching appendage from the computer. Cicero was now standing, his fuzzy orange behind in my face. 
 
 *There is no way, this is n't going to get weird. * Who was I kidding it was already weird. 
 
 With closed eyes I plugged the tail back in and I waited. 
 
 `` DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE WAITED FOR YOU TO DO THAT?! JESUS EVERLOVING CHRIST MELISSA!'' I opened one eye and he was centimeters from me, his too human voice splitting my ears. 
 
 `` Six years worth of updates!'' He was pacing, his fluffy coat on end. With a sigh he plopped onto his hindquarters and closed his eyes. It looked like he was counting to ten. 
 
 `` OKaay so. You, are my human. And that's GREAT, but, we do need to discuss some things if I am going to continue being your cat.'' One green eye opened to regard me. 
 
 `` A-alright. But I'm going to be real with you Cicero. This is really strange, and I'm not one hundred percent certain I'm not asleep or tripping balls right now.'' 
 
 My long haired tabby rolled his eyes and flicked his paw across the back of my hand, opening the skin with his claws. 
 
 `` OUCH YOU BIG BASTARD!'' I hissed at him and he flattened his ears but looked unimpressed. 
 
 `` Look. Melissa. You are n't dreaming, and you are n't hallucinating, what you ARE doing is poisoning me with that ground up slop you call cat food.'' I moved to talk and he put a paw on my mouth. It smelled like cat litter and I recoiled. 
 
 `` Also, while I had no interest in being a father, and I understand that the sterilization of my species has become the norm, I feel you violated some serious boundaries not gaining my permission first.'' 
 
 `` I-I'm sorry?'' 
 
 `` I request a real bed, and not one of those little dog beds. And to sit at the table when I eat. I also want t.v. privileges and access to the internet while you are at work.'' 
 
 All of these seemed fair, considering Cicero had seemingly gained an intense amount of sentience. That, or I had spiraled down so far into the depths of cat lady-ness that there was no chance of me returning. 
 
 `` Fine.'' 
 
 A small purring chirrup sounded from him. 
 
 `` But!'' His tail flicked in annoyance. 
 
 `` You're learning to use the toilet. It's weird for me to scoop your shit if you can talk.'' 
 
 
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 Thanks for reading! Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
