[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Full disclosure, I wrote a version of this years ago when it was applicable, but have revised it slightly here. 
 
 Dear ( unnamed ) Cereal Company, 
 
 I once purchased a box of your well-known breakfast cereal - the reasons why do not matter, but it is relevant that this was an `` in-date'' purchase. I recall enjoying your cereal as a small child due to its sugar content and brightly colored packaging, however, I now regret ingesting it. 
 
 For several years, I have been a dog owner. During this time, much as I imagine new parents do, I watched my pups grow and change. One thing that has not changed, is their eating habits. Indeed, though I feel I must disclose that I have never deliberately fed them any of the following items, in addition to their regular meals of nutritionally complete food my dogs have voluntarily and enthusiastically consumed all of the following: 
 - squeaky toys 
 - the squeakers inside the squeaky toys 
 - alcoholic beverages 
 - plastic wrap 
 - styrofoam 
 - cardboard 
 - candles 
 - fruits & vegetables, seeds, rinds, and trimmings ( including one memorable day with a raw artichoke ) 
 - shoes 
 - coffee and tea ( occasionally including the filter paper ) 
 - dead birds 
 - dead snakes 
 - live snakes 
 - an Easter egg dyeing kit 
 - flour 
 - moldy yogurt 
 - spoiled milk 
 - scat ( especially the feline variety ) 
 - rocks 
 
 The list goes on, but I feel I have listed enough for you to get the general gist of their digestive habits. 
 
 My dogs managed to get a hold of this newly purchased and unopened box of supposedly nutritionally sound cereal ( I suspect they bribed a cat ) that was, in theory, chock full of vitamins and made from whole grain ( in addition to all the sugar ). They tore the packaging open... and *did not eat any cereal. * Not a bite, a nibble, nor even a lick of freeze dried marshmallow. They did, however, eat the box. 
 
 Seeing as how they always believed themselves to be on the brink of starvation, despite visible evidence to the contrary, I can find no rational basis for their rejection of the cereal except that in the very small part of their doggy brains devoted to deciding what foods should be eaten... your cereal ranks somewhere far below cat shit and rocks. 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 McDangertail
