[ WP ] NASA announces the most shocking discovery about Mars . Humanity originated on Mars and abandoned it due to Global Warming . How does the world react ?

“ We have heard this stuff before, ” he bellowed as he brought his fist down onto the pulpit. “ God did not make the world imperfectly. If God wanted to make us on Mars, He could have. But if He did, we ’ d still be there now. We already know that Global Warming is a myth crafted by the government to experiment with groupthink and mind control. We already know that NASA is full of liars. Some people still talk like we ’ ve landed on the moon. You need to know the truth and it will not be found on Mars, the moon, in NASA or in the government. It ’ s in this book. ” 
 
 He lifted up his Bible, frayed by overuse. Several post-its fluttered out of it to the floor below, as though they were suicidal butterflies trying to free themselves from tired church clichés. 
 
 He droned on in the same undulating pattern of yelling in offense and whispering soft urgent phrases about the Lord ’ s love. 
 
 Jim finally tired of it and pressed the mute button. He leafed through the newspaper, amused that the cover of The Times looked nearly identical to the cover of the tabloids he wrote in his younger years. Conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory, page by page. “ The President of the Swiss Confederation says ‘ I told you so. ’ ” read a headline on the third page, accompanied by a photo of a very smug Swiss official. 
 
 “ Damn. ” Jim grumbled. “ I guess no one can play neutral by claiming to be Switzerland now. ” 
 
 He crumpled the paper into a loose ball and stacked it on the Styrofoam plate before him which still contained remnants of Eggo waffles, pierced by a single plastic fork. As he threw them all into the trash can, he thought to himself, “ Maybe I should get a recycle bin. ” 
 
 He pondered it for a moment longer and glanced back toward the TV, slightly disappointed that the preacher who was now flailing about in a craze was still on mute. Jim chuckled wryly and said, “ Nah, it ’ s not worth saving. ” 
 
 He shut the lid to the trash bin, and picked up his briefcase. It was time to go to work.
