[ WP ] You are a realtor tasked with selling an obviously haunted house .

Woo... okay... listen I'm not gon na fuck you on this one, buddy, because the last thing I need is to fill out more paperwork when you come to me -- which you will -- with tears in your eyes, rambling on like some sort of bumbling idiot. 
 
 This place contains a room that's not there on the blueprints. Hell, to be even more precise, there's no room for the room to be there. So, anyway, there's this phantom room in the house that needs to remain locked. If you can resist opening it, you will have a great life with the kids and the wife and the dog and the cat and anyone else you want to bring into the mix. The house has three bathrooms, a master bedroom, three spare bedrooms, walk-in closets, a formal dining room, a study, a restaurant quality kitchen, and a pretty sweet washroom in the basement -- I have to wash my clothes at this place around the corner where I live, and it's been robbed four times this past month. 
 
 All of that sounds great, right? Not me maybe one day getting mugged, but you having a house like that. It's great, as long as you avoid that room that is n't there. And I beg that you give it your all because I want to be done with this house. ( My boss was the original owner's nephew and I made a joke and now I'm screwed and I ca n't quit my job because reasons and hookers. ) The guy who lasted here the longest was able to do it with headphones and earmuffs -- the room calls out to you like the mermaid in that film with the fat squid that tries to get the prince. Anyway, he screwed up one night -- maybe the batteries went, or he got bold, or he just was lazy -- and the very next day he was here with a gun, demanding his money back. 
 
 So, I do n't want to have to deal with you threatening my shitty life. It is n't much, but I like it enough. Anyway, are you willing to give this a shot and know that when you fuck up it's on you? 
 
 Edit: Spelling.
