[ WP ] You pray to God , wishing that you will get a boyfriend/girlfriend before you die . He gives you immortality .

`` Please Lord, I just want to be loved.'' 
 
 *poof* 
 
 A small note appeared that said: Sorry, bud! Nobody can love somebody like you! Have immortality instead. 
 
 `` Well, I'll show him, I can get a girlfriend! 
 
 **A couple hundred years later** 
 
 `` Maybe this was n't a good idea.'' 
 
 My muscular, lean body sits at the same graveyard where my last several wives were buried. The priest droned on and on about how she will be dearly missed *blah blah blah. * 
 
 `` You know what? I'm tired of this.'' 
 
 I walk out, drive to the most prestigious college and enroll. After a short couple years I've gotten my degree in all of the fields of science 
 
 **12 years later** 
 
 `` I did it! It's finished! Now to get my revenge...'' 
 
 **Meanwhile in Heaven** 
 
 `` I wonder how that guy i gave immortality is doing.'' 
 
 God sat in a large throne within a castle with servants and courtesans and the usual things that castles had. A whole lot of nothing happened as usual, until a red glowing letter appeared in front of him. 
 
 `` God, we might have a problem. Some guy figured out where Hell is located and harnessed some of its demonic energy. I thinks he's after you.'' 
 
 Best of luck, 
 Lucy 
 
 `` Shit.'' 
 
 An angel burst through the door. `` Sir, some kind of jet is flying around and killing everyone!'' 
 
 God looked outside, a F-35 was shooting down guards and bombing civilians alike. 
 
 `` What? How is that possible?'' 
 
 God noticed a pentagon etched on either side of the plane. 
 
 `` Figures.'' 
 
 The plane came towards the castle, preparing to land. God walked out to the landing zone waiting to greet me. 
 
 `` So, you've finally-'' 
 
 That was all he could say before I shot him in the torso with a round of demonic buckshot. His manservant saw this and ran straight for a guard, I let him. 
 
 `` Wh-why?'' 
 
 I said nothing as I reached for my `` borrowed'' satanic blade. 
 
 `` N-no please! No!'' 
 
 His screams were heard for miles. 
 
 The guards arrived, shocked at the sight of a human wearing gods face. 
 
 `` WHO IS THE LORD NOW!'' 
 
 Nothing. 
 
 `` WHO IS THE LORD NOW!'' 
 
 `` ALL HAIL THE NEW LORD'' They said in unison. 
 
 I felt my new godly powers course through my veins, I create my perfect wife. I get on my knee, create the most purest, biggest diamond that can possibly be on a ring, take a deep breath and say: 
 
 `` Will you marry me?'' 
 
 `` With someone like you? Ew.'' 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

