[ WP ] You find a mysterious stone on your way home from work one day . As you pick it up , you are rendered unconscious . When you awaken , you discover that you now posses the ability to talk to animals . Excited , you rush home to talk to your beloved pet , only to find he/she absolutely despises you .

`` Look, Terrance, I'm glad you can speak with me now and all. Good for you. But is there any way, I do n't know, you could maybe find another stone that could get you to shut the hell up?'' 
 
 Mr. Sprinkles looked up at me, his tongue sticking out of his mouth. 
 
 `` Seriously. What the heck is it with all the baby talk? I'm ten human years old, I've got one... *maybe* two years left in the tank, and you ca n't show me any dignity? You even have them give me a goddamn fluffy haircut and these little costumes. Why does a dog need a costume? We have fur. You and Karen should really look into getting a human baby, this kind of thing is unhealthy, man.'' 
 
 `` Sprink, I do n't know that I appreciate that tone.'' 
 
 `` If you wanted a loyal goober, you really should've gone Labrador, Terrance. Seriously. At least those guys got to stay normal dog size. You and your kind created us abominations. I mean seriously, have you ever seen a paw this small?'' 
 
 He lifted a small white paw, slowly placing it back on the ground. 
 
 `` My ancestors were goddamn snow wolves. I'm telling you, being a Pomeranian is the worst.'' 
 
 `` Geez, Sprink, if I had known...'' 
 
 `` THE NAME. That's another thing. Mr. Sprinkles? Seriously. Why not something simple and benign like'Glen' or'William'? It's one thing that you took my balls away, which I have n't forgiven you for by the way, but you then had to spit on me with a name like Mr. Sprinkles?!'' 
 
 I paused, taking a moment to come to terms with the fact I was getting a verbal beatdown from my dog. 
 
 `` Let's just make it clear now. Nice and easy. Now you can talk to animals, again, good for you. There's a pug down the street who's got some strong feelings about trees you might vibe with. But so long as your home, lets stick to sharing some meals together, I might use your lap for warmth here and there, and make sure you get a chew toy or two here and there and cut the chatter. Feel me?''
