[ IP ] Captain Daimio

Captain Daimio stalked into his first mate's cabin and collapsed face-first onto the small bed bolted to the wall. 
 
 `` How'd it go, boss?'' 
 
 Daimio buried his face in his hands. `` I do n't wan na talk about it.'' 
 
 `` Aww...'' First Mate Portus sat gingerly on the side of the bed and rubbed his captain's back. `` There, there. It'll be better next time.'' 
 
 Daimio turned his head and looked up at Portus with his one good eye. `` You really think so?'' 
 
 `` Sure,'' Portus said, shrugging. `` Everyone bombs their first time.'' 
 
 Daimio sniffed and wiped his eyes. 
 
 `` Did you tell them the one about the mermaid and the drunken sailor?'' 
 
 `` I did.'' 
 
 `` No good, hunh?'' 
 
 `` I got a few laughs.'' Daimio shook his head and buried his face in Portus' pillow. Portus grimaced. 
 
 `` Well, just work on your timing, I'm sure you'll be better next week.'' Portus rubbed his neck and took a deep breath. `` Boss, there's one other thing.'' 
 
 `` Mmm... what?'' 
 
 `` Well, have you considered that maybe you're not cut out to be a stand-up comedian?'' 
 
 Daimio glared up at Portus. `` What, you're saying I'm not funny?'' 
 
 Portus threw up his hands. `` No... no! It's not that, boss. It's just... well...'' He shook his head. `` I do n't know how else to say this.'' 
 
 `` Just spit it out,'' Daimio growled. 
 
 `` It's your face, boss & mdash; it's fucking terrifying.'' 
 
 ***** 
 Blurg blarg 
 

