[ MP ] Absolutely hideous elevator music combined with an unusually long trip prompts two very different people to have a short , but inevitablely awkward conversation that reveals they are both complete and utter bastards .

Mike hated elevator rides. The horrible music, the people always trying to make small chat, he hated them all. The screeching violins sounded in the background as he stepped on, and what is that? A triangle? Fuck, he just wanted to punch the composer in the face. 
 
 Shit. Some fat bastard is waddling towards him. `` Hold the door!'' the lardchunk cried. Mike hurriedly punched the'close door' button with an apologetic ( yet hopeful ) smile on his face. The door was almost closed but the bowling ball dove for it. `` Hah! Made it!'' He waddled in. 
 
 `` Lovely day out side is n't it?'' The round man piqued up. Mike smiled politely and nodded. `` Damn, it's always sunny in Phili. Hey buddy!'' Mike cringed slightly. `` Do you know what's the best about hot, sunny days?'' 
 
 Mike was obliged to respond. `` No. What?'' 
 
 `` The chick*es* man! See-through sundresses with a nice breeze, Short skirts and even shorter shorts, and tops lower than their badoinkadoink. *if you know what I mean. *'' Mike silently took a deep breath. He does n't fucking care what those sluts are wearing. He just wants to ride the elevator in fucking peace. 
 
 `` Yep. Those females sure got it coming to them.'' Mike agreed, hoping that will end the conversation with the fat bastard right there. Unfortunately, karma existed. 
 
 `` Exactly, man! That's what I'm talking about. It's like they're *asking* for it!'' The man had finally found someone who agreed with him. `` I'm Erin, by the way.'' He said as he held out a sweaty hand. 
 
 `` Erin. My pleasure.'' Mike said, hesitantly grabbing the soft, moist, hand and shaking it. `` What's more, there are those obese females who wear things they should n't.'' Mike replied, trying to hint at something. 
 
 `` Right, *mate*? I'm trying to use British words to appear sophisticate! But yea! It should be mandatory for some women to get liposuction. At least the Koreans are doing something right!'' The elevator dinged and stopped. `` That's my stop! Stay classy.'' Erin pointed both his index fingers at Mike and clicked his tongue. 
 
 Mike smiled weakly, and quickly turned that into a frown as the door closed. `` Some people should be shot,'' he muttered under his breath.
