[ WP ] A plane carrying all 17 Republican Presidential nominees crashes over the ocean . All survive uninjured , but are marooned on an island . Chris Christie has found the conch .

As they walked back toward the beach and with a sulking face, Christie held the conch out disdainfully from one stubby index finger to Jindal. 
 
 `` You try it. Ever since the lap band surgery, I ca n't push with my diaphragm like i used to.'' 
 
 `` What's a diaphragm?'' 
 
 `` Never mind. I see them.'' 
 
 Out on the beach, Trump stood near the washed-up wreckage of the plane. In a loose semi-circle around him stood eleven of the remaining nominees, now looking more like mere castaways in their tattered garb, except Carly Fiorina; Carly - who earlier took it upon herself to perch peacefully atop a nearby cliff in a lotus position, with her eyes closed and her hands upturned towards the sky - managed to make it ashore unscathed and looking stunning in her fuchsia Dior dress and matching pumps. 
 
 As the the setting sun cast a golden aura around the'Make America Great Again' cap perched atop Trumps head, he continued in nothing else but a torn shirt and a pair of boxers: 
 
 `` Im telling you It's going to be BIG - this raft. It's going to be SPECTACULAR, and you're ALL going to LOVE it. I ca n't go into details right now, but nobody - i mean NOBODY was talking about building a raft before I did...'' 
 
 As they advanced upon the group standing at low tide, Christie stumbled over a mangrove root. `` Oh for fuck's sake'', Christie moaned, `` I can already hear him from here!'' 
 
 `` He giving you some competition on the blowhard front? ``, Jindal quipped. 
 
 Christie scowled back, `` You know what, Bobby? Fuck you.'' Then more sulkily, `` I thought we were hurricane buddies for life...'' 
 
 As Christie and Jindal approached from the East, Cruz and Rubio were trudging back in slowly from the south, with only their spears in-hand. 
 
 `` Please do n't tell them I choked'', Cruz sniveled. `` That was a lot harder than I thought it would be!'' 
 
 `` Ill bet!'' Rubio huffed. `` Anyone can cook bacon on the muzzle of a gun. Its a lot harder when you....'' 
 
 Cruz, dropped to his haunches by a felled palm tree and in a resigned tone, finished Rubio's thought. 
 
 `` Yeah yeah... have to actually bring home the bacon...'' 
 
 Rubio looked down at Cruz and smiled in a manner that Cruz would later remark he initially thought of as'condescending', but decided after the unfortunate turn of events that came, was instead `` knowing''. 
 
 `` I submit to you that we are not long for this island! ``, Rubio began in a lawyerly tone, `` and that perhaps this'crisis' is actually an opportunity, If I may be so bold and if I may use a cliche!'' 
 
 Cruz blinked up at Rubio, mouth slightly agape. `` What did you have in mind?'' 
 
 Rubios eyes widened. `` Oh, something lively!'' 
 
 And, as Rubio fixed his gaze upon Trump et al, by the water, his eyes lowered and he coldly remarked, `` Might have to sharpen a few more sticks is all...''
