[ WP ] You 've been finding a lot of loose change in your couch lately . It turns out it 's the tiny speaking spider paying rent .

Chad opened the door, tossed his shoes off to the side, dropped his coffee mug onto the granite kitchen counter and wanted a few minutes to vegetate in front of the television before starting dinner. There, lying on his favorite leather cushion, was one dollar and eighty-five cents. One loonie, Three quarters, and a nickel. He stood there with his head tilted slightly to the left, blinking. That was the third time he found coins on his couch cushion in just as many weeks. 
 
 Taking off his glasses, he rubbed his eyes and put them back on. Last night was his weekly guild-gaming night and his television, let alone his couch, didn ’ t get any attention at all. Thinking harder, his he started wondering if Julie, his girlfriend, was letting herself into the apartment. Thinking about that, he rubbed his red stubble-laden cheeks. She didn ’ t live close by and worked even further away, why would she come here? They had been dating for almost a year and a half and he knew she was The One, but it felt slightly unnerving that she would enter his place unannounced for reasons unknown. She knew he watched porn on occasion, he wasn ’ t the type of person to hide it. It wasn ’ t something to be ashamed of. It was just a tool to help facilitate self-pleasure when he was alone and aroused. 
 
 He frowned and his brown eyes darkened. He was not impressed, and as the seconds ticked by his annoyance started turning towards anger. What was she looking for? Drugs? Child porn? Did she think he was cheating on her? Was she cheating on him in his house? 
 
 Seething, he pulled out his phone and started writing what could be the start of a very big fight. ‘ What are you doing in my apartment? ’ His finger went straight for the send button and froze for a moment, hovering. 
 
 Just outside of his periphery, as he wrote the inflammatory text, a small grey eight-legged spider scaled up the horizontal crack between both cushions up to the top and crawled quickly into the center. It turned around and looked up at Chad. 
 
 “ Stop! Stop it! ” He growled and drew in a deep breath. Never before had he been this mad with her, made even worse because he didn ’ t know why he was mad. Well, he did: his privacy had been invaded, but the rational side of him said there had to be a good reason. 
 
 “ Is that not enough? ” The quiet but high-pitched voice startling Chad. 
 
 He looked up and from his phone into his empty living room. “ What? ” He muttered lowly, the living room was empty. Reflexively, his right leg moved back, ready to be spun around on. He looked over his shoulder into the kitchen, empty, and to his left down the hall leading to the bathroom and his bedroom. “ Hello? ” He asked. “ Who ’ s there? Julie? ” 
 
 It couldn ’ t have been Julie, even with helium that voice was much too high. 
 
 “ Down here, Chad. ” 
 
 The markedly female voice was coming from the living room. He whipped his head around only to see his furniture and nothing else. “ W-who are you? Where are you? ” 
 
 The high feminine voice sighed. “ Down here. Couch. ” 
 
 Chad looked to the couch, empty. Furrowing his brow, he muttered: “ I ’ m going crazy. ” 
 
 “ Down here! ” The voice squeaked, starting losing patience. 
 
 His eyes skimmed the black leather down to the empty cushion—except the far one wasn ’ t quite empty. A small grey spider, no bigger than a dime, sat in the middle with one of its legs partially off it. It went up and down slightly, like a wiggling finger or possibly a wave. 
 
 Chad ’ s lips parted slightly while his brown eyes went wide. “ You didn ’ t just— ” He muttered then shook his head. “ —no, not possible. ” He rubbed his eyes again, only this time wondering if a coworker had slipped something into his afternoon coffee. 
 
 “ Yes. ” The voice was coming from the spider. He even saw the tiny mandibles moving back and forth as the spider spoke. Chad went white. “ Don ’ t faint. Oh, please don ’ t faint. ” 
 
 The Android fell from Chad ’ s paralyzed hand, thunked against the light stained hard wood and thunked a second time as the phone dropped onto its face. On the couch, the spider visibly winced. “ Oh, don ’ t do that... ” 
 
 “ What the hell? ” 
 
 “ Sit! ” The high-pitched spider exclaimed and scurried off to the side. “ Just not on me! ” 
 
 Chad did, noting that he was sitting on his couch because a spider told him to. 
 
 “ Okay. You remember me, right? ” The spider asked. 
 
 “ I-I think…I think I ’ d remember a talking spider. ” 
 
 “ So, no. ” The spider sighed and nodded—her whole front motioned up and down. 
 
 “ You were going to the bathroom about a month ago. I guess you saw me when you were half asleep. Anyways, I ’ ll introduce myself again. I ’ m M ’ rruu ’ hle, tenth generation of the M ’ rrria ’ hle Cluster. My silver line got trapped on an errant wind current and blew me through your window. I had a look around, really liked the place—a nice selection of food—and decided to stay. The coins are my rent payment, but I thought you knew this…I thought it might not be enough. ” 
 
 Chad listened to everything M ’ rruu ’ hle said and found it a perfectly reasonable explanation, but was also floating in a strange cloudy, vaguely comforting, place between his ( and a talking spider ’ s ) apartment and numbness. He shook his head, bringing himself back to reality, and rubbed his eyes. 
 
 “ No. It ’ s enough. ” He said still feeling a bit numb and hazy. “ I…I thought my girlfriend was coming in while I ’ m gone. ” 
 
 “ Julie? Wonderful lady! Can I make a suggestion though? ” M ’ rruu ’ hle asked. 
 
 “ Uh, sure. ” He said thinking: I ’ m about to get advice form a spider. A FRICKING TALKING SPIDER! 
 
 “ She does not like that red pasta sauce you make. ” 
 
 “ Oh. ” 
 
 “ So, uh, now that we have formally met, again, mind if I stay? ” She asked. “ I ’ m clean, you know I ’ m not loud, and, uh, I can make sure you don ’ t have bugs! You human ’ s hate ‘ em, us spider ’ s love em! ” 
 
 Chad actually started contemplating the Spider ’ s rental request, smirked and let out a chuckle. How do I draw up a rental agreement? He thought and shrugged. 
 
 “ I guess so…just make yourself scarce when Julie ’ s around or I'll have to kill you. ” 
 
 “ That I can do! ” M ’ rruu ’ hle exclaimed happily. “ But I have one small request. ” 
 
 “ Sure. ” 
 
 “ When you leave for a couple days, can you please leave a window open? A girl ’ s got ta eat! ” 
 
 /*Edit: words
