[ WP ] You 're about to speak at your deceased father 's wake . You have n't heard from him since you left home decades ago , and you do n't recognize anybody in the audience .

I stood at the podium a stared at each of the faces in the audience. it was bigger than I imagined. it should n't surprise me that just because my father and I were never close did n't mean he did n't have friends who would want to pay their respects. There were people dressed in very nice suits and dresses, most likely people from his church group. There were people dressed in jeans and a button ups. Co-workers from the freight yard I thought. There was a man in heavily decorated Navy uniform sitting in the back with a cold hard stare that could rival my dads. 
 
 I shifted my weight uncomfortably and cleared my throat and stared at my note cards that I had prepared. I had never spoken at a funeral before. `` Hello,'' I said sheepishly into the mike. is hello something you say to people in a situation like this? `` I suppose I do n't need to tell you much about Steve.'' I joked `` He was kind of a man who did n't need an introduction.'' The crowed giggled and I began to sweat. I glanced at my cards but the words I had written seemed to make no sense. `` My father was... a difficult man to get to know, but those who were close to know have probably never met a more confident, loyal, hard working man in their lives.'' At this moment I turned the cards face down, not sure how I could make such polished and distant words apply. `` If he was called to work, or someone from his church needed him. he was always there for them.'' I saw some people in the audience nod and smile. 
 
 `` Steve was very determined, and once he started something, he would not stop until it was done. And he did his best to teach that to me. He was dedicated to his faith, and his family. A proud ex Marine who got to see much of the world in his youth and had a passion for Jazz music as most of you might have known for watching him in the church band. He was a man who knew exactly who he was and where he was going in life. and we will miss him very much.'' My speech was painfully short, I hoped that they could chalk it up to me being too emotional. 
 
 As I took my seat next to the vacant ones that were reserved for my brother and mother I began to think about how I wished I could tell them how he never had time for me. How I was persona non grata until I was old enough to work and date, and then he had an opinion on everything I did. I was too lazy, too stubborn, I acted like an ungrateful child and would never make it on my own. I wanted to tell them all how he drove me to run away from home at 16, and how his last words to me were that is he could do it all over again, he would never have me for a daughter. I studied my brothers chair and tried to imagine him there. I assumed he was too drunk to bother to show up..but I think maybe he had the right idea. 
 
 The woman who took the stage after me introduced herself and a long time friend of my fathers, stating that she had known my dad since I was only a baby. `` Steve was not without fault,'' She smiled at me `` While he was a good friend, He could also say some things to get under your skin. But that's a good thing, because he told us things we did n't want to hear, but sometimes needed to. He did the best he could, with what he had. Even if it was not what we had in mind, he tried. He showed so many of us how to keep going, showing us that stopping now was impossible. He was a rock and a leader for those who needed him.'' She looked over at the picture of him propped up next to the ashes on a table. `` He was never on time, He cursed ever other word, and seemed down right rude to some of us.'' I froze, unable to breath. `` But we miss him anyway, and I know with all my heart that he loved each and everyone of us, he just did n't know how to show it.'' As she took her seat the choir rose and began to sing an hymn.
