[ WP ] `` How much of a hero are you , if all you 've managed to save is yourself ? ''

I swear a lot in this one. Please do n't read if you're easily offended. 
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 `` What the fuck?'' was the best I could muster to break the uncomfortable silence, as the wind blew behind me. 
 `` You've only ever saved yourself!'' she cried from the other end of the roof. `` We lost fifteen guys less than a MONTH ago and all you did was cover your sorry ass!'' 
 I took a deep breath. I know it's cliché. But it took all my strength not to flip out and send one of us off this roof on a rapid journey to the street below. 
 `` And what if I had n't, huh? What if I had n't covered my ass? What then?'' 
 She was silent. 
 By now, people had begun to notice that there were two lunatics yelling at each other on a roof. In fact, if I was n't being modest, I'd say we attracted a small crowd at street level. Some were no doubt scared I was going to jump. And, to be honest, I'd considered it. *L'appel du vide. * 
 `` If I had n't'covered my sorry ass', I'd be dead. They'd know I got in. I fucked enough shit up in there that it was literally impossible to miss. And do you know what would have happened if they got me?'' 
 Again, silence. 
 `` You'd be dead. Jon would be dead. Sue, Tim, everyone on our fucking floor. Gone. Because if I can get in *without* having to kill one of them, they'll sure as hell get in to our shit if they *did* kill one of us.'' I turned to face away from her, and stared at the street. People were watching, but nobody *really* cared. All people wanted to know was whether one of us was going to jump. No attention was paid to what was actually going on. 
 `` So what if they get into your shit? You work on a five-year-old crappy Dell, and do absolutely fuck-all! The worst they'd find on there is a saved game of Minesweeper!'' 
 I snapped back around and almost marched halfway over to her. `` The hell would you know about what I do all day? I have access to every system this goddamn place runs! We get hacked, we lose everything!'' 
 She gazed up at the sky. Obviously, none of this was going in. I came closer. 
 `` Look. People invest their entire life savings with this place. We have the power to *ruin people's lives*. We can turn people out of their houses.'' 
 `` You work in IT at a bank! Why the fuck did people die?'' 
 I sighed. I knew this was coming. 
 `` I fucked up.'' 
 `` We all know! That's why we're in this mess! But it still does n't explain why people got killed!'' 
 `` No. You *think* that's a fuck-up. You have no idea what I did.'' 
 She ran over to me. I could see her breath in the air as she jogged. 
 `` About three months ago, that time the network went down. I got it back up and said everything was fine.'' 
 `` Yes...'' she replied, not sure where I was going with this. 
 `` I did n't notice it at first. But I left a gaping security hole in our servers. Someone broke in. A team of people, probably.'' 
 `` What the fuck did you do?!'' she asked, agitated. I turned away again, looked up at the sky, and shouted. 
 `` I lost thirteen billion dollars!'' 
 The silence was twice as uncomfortable as the last, and was a good ten seconds long before she spoke again. 
 `` How the fuck did that lead to deaths?'' She was whispering now, obviously not wanting to be overheard. I probably should n't have shouted that to the heavens, with hindsight. 
 `` I do n't know. I did n't think. It was an impulse; I sent people after them. I did everything I could to trace them and sent people there. How was I to know they'd be armed?'' I was whispering as well. 
 `` So people died. Why did you have to cover your ass?'' She was like a child listening to a grandparent tell them a story about the war, except a lot more eager. 
 `` I... I had to get the money back,'' I explained, hesitantly. `` I did n't know what to do. I got it from wherever I could.'' 
 `` I still do n't understand why you could n't have saved them as well!'' She was shouting again. Probably a bad move. 
 `` I tried! I failed!'' She was shaking her head. `` I can only do so much. But do n't you for a second think I only saved myself.'' 
 `` Oh yeah?'' she retorted. `` Who the fuck else did you save?'' 
 `` We're still in business. Nobody else died. And now, nobody but you knows what I did.'' 
 She stepped back in stunned silence. 
 `` I ca n't deal with this any more'', I half-said. I'm not sure if the words actually came out of my mouth. I jogged over to the stairwell. I was just going to go back downstairs and get on with the rest of the day's work. 
 What she would do when I did n't show up tomorrow, I do n't know. 
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 **EDIT: ** Formatting. Markdown, we are not friends.
