[ WP ] You are a schizophrenic maddeningly in love with the man/woman of your dreams . But you 're becoming increasingly unsure if she 's real , or just another hallucination .

Late December, nothing more than a few weeks for the cheery spirited. 
 
 I was forcibly coaxed out of my internal den by my mother. There was nothing more miserable than attending a quaint get-together to celebrate a holiday that infuriated me. family and friends boasting who was nursed better by Life. Long-lost relatives who seemingly stared pure hatred towards me. My only sister uncomfortably shifting from one leg to the other while I excitedly explained my new found job of filtering away important documents for the single most extravagant law firm in all of New York. Top of the totem pole in importance and rarity to find such a generous job offer. Only *I* could do such an awe-inspiring job and complete each task with ease. 
 
 But I digress, jealousy tainted her weak commendation. 
 
 Yet I needed her. 
 
 As the festive night winded down, allowing the hushed parents to swiftly escort their young ones to the gentle embrace of excited rest, I slid out into the crisp and clear moonlit night. 
 
 Those fucking weak, cock-sucking, immoral imbeciles knew nothing of what it required to function on such an existentialism-based level of being. I *know* the meaning to the single most complex quandaries in all of existence, yet these feeble-minded mental midgets had the audacity to not ask me to impart my wisdom? Cock-suckers, all of them. 
 
 But on the other hand, I am nothing more than shit under a beggar's shoe. Fulfillment is a side effect to life, leaving you helpless as you defend your last wit against the enclosing thought of death. Why must I feel the need to endure all of humanity crumbling down in angst, rather than slit my wrists and listen to the droplets smash against the porcelain? 
 
 `` Because you're a cock-sucking fuck. Fucking cock-sucking fucker.'' 
 
 Storming towards the nearest liquor dispenser to drown out my woe, a flash of red caught my eye... 
 
 The dyed leather coat gently wrapped itself around her immaculate body. Her ever-so-slight bump of purposefully messy hair bunched in a bun was the beautiful bouquet on the smoothest, most valuable coffin you could imagine. Her eyes wandered across the street, seeking intelligence, and finally laying to rest on me. It was as if she literally took my brain and measured it for her taste in perfection in mere seconds. She gifted a final glance as she entered the back seat of her luxury car. 
 
 I needed her. 
 
 Days dragged by at excruciating pace as I searched for her in the streets. I pestered all of the shop keepers for any video of her, but to no avail, was swept under the carpet by jealous and unloving individuals, threatening to call the police! Such calloused people scourged the earth, even mere days after the holiday of giving! 
 
 My hope waning in tune with the sun, I took shelter in a boisterous sports bar. The alluring sweet stench of alcohol tempted me once again... and a single shot would n't hurt. 
 
 I gulped down the peroxide-smelling substance, and once the glass touched the bar, I felt watched. 
 
 Frantically I searched the claustrophobic-inducing bar, fully expecting my childhood doctor to be running towards me, forcing me to swallow those god awful pills again. Yet my eyes astounded me. It was her, smirking beneath a wide sun hat. Her red spring dress tantalizingly danced across her smooth thighs as she maneuvered through the crowd to the door. I sprung from my seat, flinging the table and glass in separate directions. The onlookers had their eyes welded onto my soul as I raced to the closing front door. 
 
 A blast of blisteringly cold wind and snow was all that met me on the damp sidewalk. 
 
 `` She *knows* not to tease'' I mutter around the cigarette, the ash slowly coming to a close at the filter. The clean bathtub was eager for my arrival, to sully it, to dirty it with my filthy blood. Just the thought of the pitter-patter made me squirm with delight. 
 
 I needed her. 

