[ WP ] One day , while petting your cat , you accidentally pull his tail , and it opens up . Inside , there 's a USB connector . You connect it to your laptop , an announcement pops up . -Cat Version : 1.0.0 . Update to 256.3 ?

Lucky had always been a curious little kitty. Even with his Cerebellar Hypoplasia, a disease passed from his mom while in the womb which made him shake all over -- the bobble head cat syndrome -- it never stopped him from being a normal cat. 
 
 What I was staring at the moment was completely insane to me. One minute, i was walking down the stairs and as usual, Lucky had crossed between my feet and tripped me. As we both rolled down the flight of stairs, I cursed with every step my body hit on the way down. He always did this -- it's almost as if he'd been trying to trip me every time I went down the stairs, but that would just be a crazy thought. 
 
 I opened my eyes while wincing in pain -- my body doing a self analysis. F***! That HURT!''. Then immediately, I thought -- Sh*t! Where's Lucky?! 
 
 I felt a small unmoving lump behind my back. Oh Jeez— I hope that's not him! A 7 pound cat would not be able to handle a human on top for that long. How long was i out?! I slowly get up while balancing myself with the wall. What I saw next was completely shocking! My head started spinning immediately, the whole room was just spinning. What exactly was I looking at??? 
 
 There in the floor, was my little cat Lucky, whom I had raised as a kitten, lying motionless on his side. Not too far off -- HIS TAIL! It took a couple of seconds for my brain to take in the pure shock of the situation. I must be suffering from a concussion, it ca n't be! 
 
 “ There's... there's no blood?!'' I said out loud as I stared in disbelief. `` Why..why no bl..bl...'' I stopped short as I saw the message on the small LCD screen located where his anus would be. `` CAT VERSION 1.1. UPDATE TO 256.3? PLEASE CONNECT TO USB''. 
 
 Am I in a dream? I must still be passed out at the bottom of the stairs maybe in a coma because this could not be real. My cat had tripped me while going down the steps and we had both tumbled down the stairs, detaching his tail in the process and revealing a hidden USB port and an update message on a tiny LCD screen resembling that of the new MacBooks. I pinched myself hard trying to awake from this dream... this... nightmare. 
 
 I paced back and forth, all while thinking, should I plug him in? What if he blows up? Or What if this kills him? All these thoughts racing through my pounding brain. Is he a USB 2.0, 3.0? How the f*** would I know?! It ’ s not as if he came with a manual!! 
 
 All the cables landed on the table at once. I'd flipped over the drawer with all my spare cables in a panic looking for a USB cord. HDMI, no. RCA, no! DVI, nope!! Where's a f***** USB cord when you need one!? Finally, there it was, a 3ft long USB cord. I quickly grabbed it and pulled. 
 
 F****!! How does a cord get tangled this much! It was like yarn, as if someone or some thing had deliberately tangled it in the worst way possible. I sat there, hands shaking, slowly undoing the cord from the rest. I felt as if I was putting up my Christmas tree again. Finally -- it was free! I ran with the cord in hand and went straight for the plug. 
 
 It would not FIT! I turned it over twice more until the cable finally went it. I had to jiggle it in and use some force. The metal pins appeared corroded, as if they had not been used in centuries. 
 
 `` MMNNEOOWWWW! MMNEOOWWW!'' Lucky let out as a progress bar quickly appeared and disappeared on the LCD screen. Would you like to restart now? Please say Yes or No. 59... 58... 57....56... 55.... 
 
 `` YYYEE..YYESS'' I slowly mumbled. My hands would not stop shaking. My heart felt as if it was going to jump out of my chest. My head pounding to the beat of my heart. 
 
 His eyes were dilated, big black empty eyes staring back at me. The only time I'd seen them that big were usually after a dose of catnip. Followed by wild running and jumping over any obstacle he would find around the house. His ears were perked up aware of every sound. Two satellites sitting on either side of his head. He stood on two hinds legs, his tail extended out in a ninety degree angle. 
 
 `` Hello, my child'' he spoke in a low calm voice. `` I've been waiting for this particular moment for thousands of years. You may want to sit down for this...'' 
 
 I backed away slowly in disbelief -- my f******* cat Lucky was talking to me in modern human English! Wake up stupid, you're in a dream! WAKE UP!! 
 
 `` No, my child, you are not dreaming. As you can tell, I can read thoughts as well'' continued Lucky. 
 
 “ [ NOW ] —that's what I've been yelling all these years. `` NOW''. I was going crazy trying to get you to plug me in, however, feline vocal cords v1.0 are not as developed as humans' hence what you understood was `` MEOW''. Every time I tried to trip you while you were going down the steps, or standing behind you while you were going into the fridge, was to get you to unplug my T.A.I.L. That stands for Transducive Autonomous Interface Link. You humans refer to this as our tail.'' 
 
 `` My deepest apologies for the tangled cords ”, he continued unblinking. His hands by his side with large claws extended. I should have cut those nails yesterday like i intended to, i thought to myself. `` As you can probably imagine, it's hard to free up cables with paws. I have tried every day while you were away at work''. 
 
 As I reached for a glass of old water sitting on the table my shaking hands dropped the glass and the water spilled everywhere. In one swift motion, Lucky sprung off to the side and avoided the water. It had happened in a blink of an eye. 
 
 `` It's harmful to us. This is why we avoid water at all cost. If you noticed the rust on my T.A.I.L., it was from the previous owner. She tried to bathe me.'' 
 
 `` Wh..why a.. are you here? Wha..what do you want from me Lucky? What do you want from us?!'' 
 
 `` This may be a complete shock to you. I've had to endure the name Lucky during my time with you. My real name... my real name is JESUS ”. 
 
 

