[ WP ] A newly-hired bartender is slowly realizing that he 's working at the bar from all of those `` X walks into a bar '' jokes .

On a quiet summer evening at a bar just outside of town, a bartender is waiting nervously for the clock to strike six. He wipes his brow with the grimy bar towel and tries to ignore the sinking feeling that grows ever stronger in his gut as the seconds tick by. His only patrons are an old farmer in coveralls and a filthy hat adorned with a faded advertisement for beer and the kid that comes in every night to feed quarters into the pinball machines. 
 
 The merry sounds of the bells and pins and the kid's happy hoots do nothing to lift the bartender's spirits. He'd only just been hired last month at this bar, and for the most part everything had seemed perfectly normal as far as bars go. However, two nights ago, the strangest patrons began arriving just after six-o-clock to torture the poor man with nonsense. A cold sweat breaks out on his forehead and he tries to distract himself by pouring a tonic, but his hands are shaking so badly that he spills the tonic all over the gleaming wooden bartop. 
 
 The clock clicks over to six-o-clock, the Nascar hands pointing straight up and down through the faded pinup model's breasts on the clock face. The bartender jumps as if shocked and then struggles to regain his composure as the farmer lifts his head for a moment to peer at the tender with dull, empty eyes. 
 
 `` You alright, Jimbob?'' he drawls, gnarled hands clutching his tumbler of whiskey with something bordering on affection. Jimbob gives a shaky laugh and mops frantically at the bar. 
 
 `` Heh, thought I saw a spider. I hate spiders,'' he replies. 
 
 The farmer watches him for a long moment and then dips his head back down to continue his silent brooding. The bartender turns to face the front door, hoping against hope that it wo n't open, that nothing weird will happen again tonight... 
 
 The door swings open and a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into the bar, talking gaily amongst themselves. `` Oh no,'' Jimbob moans, `` it's happening again!'' Just as he manages to work up the gumption to endure their all-too-obvious chatter, a Frenchman with a toad perched on his head walks in as well. Following that, a huge, living bear strides in, swinging his great head back and forth as if to find a place to sit. Following that, a hamburger and a side of fries unbelievably appears in the doorway and somehow moves into the bar and across the floor towards Jimbob. 
 
 `` We do n't... we do n't serve food here...'' Jimbob whimpers, then laughs hysterically as a duck flutters in and lands on the bartop near the rabbi. `` Got any peanuts?'' it quacks. Jimbob stares in horror and turns to scrabble for the phone. He punches the numbers, messes up, hangs up the phone, picks it up once again and manages to get his shaky fingers to cooperate. `` Pick up, Helen,'' he gasps as the patrons, humans and non-humans alike, start demanding the most ridiculous requests and asking questions that Jimbob ca n't bring himself to answer. 
 
 `` Hello?'' a woman's voice murmurs into the line. 
 
 `` Helen... Helen, dear God it's happening again, I ca n't take this, someone's playing a trick..!'' 
 
 Helen laughs gently. `` Jimbob did you forget your anxiety meds again honey? You've been actin' a little crazy lately!'' 
 
 The bartender covers his eyes with a trembling hand and wonders how to get through to her as the door opens again and Thomas Edison in the flesh strolls into the bar. Jimbob slams down the phone and turns to shout that the bar is closed, when a horse squeezes his bulk through the doorframe and swings his head in Jimbob's direction. Jimbob raises his hands and starts to sidle towards the exit. 
 
 `` Long... long face... horse has a long face...'' he stammers, then, with another hysterical laugh, he grabs his jacket, slams his hat onto his head, and runs screaming from the bar into the strange, strange night, never to return. 
 
 ( Had to edit, forgot the bit where the bartender was newly hired! )
