[ WP ] Two dead men walked into the room ...

John straightened his tie, and Barry slouched alongside him. They were late to the meeting. John lamented the long-gone days were he'd been early to these meetings, centuries ago. Barry moaned, long and throatily. 
 
 `` Cut that out.'' John hissed between his his pearly teeth. When you're trying to stop the flesh rotting off of your body, there is n't much to take pride in when it comes to your appearance. `` Just because you're a zombie, it does n't mean you have to act like one.'' 
 
 `` Whatever.'' Barry replied, rolling his eyes in their lidless sockets. `` You're so anal about these meetings. Nothing ever happens, nothing ever will. Get off my case about it.'' 
 
 John sighed. `` I know, I know. I'm sorry.'' 
 
 Barry smiled back. John was always on edge during the Undead Ethics Meetings. Mainly because everyone thought they infected mortals like rabbits procreated. 
 
 `` Ah, you're here.'' Smiled the glamorous Countess of the Screaming Seas. `` We were just about to get our you-eee-em meeting started. Care to take a seat?'' 
 
 They obliged her somewhat begrudgingly, and the Countess cleared her throat, thumbing through pages of a thick, dusty book. 
 
 `` First order of business for the night. Jerry, you need to tone down the scarings.'' 
 
 The small circle turned to look at Jerry. Strands of fine Egyptian weave wrapped all around his body, save for some of the more important areas of the face. His beady eyes looked like raisins embedded in a larger, wrinklier raisin. 
 
 `` Sorry. I just really, really enjoy scaring teenagers.'' He said, trying his best to come off as suave. 
 
 `` I know, Jerry.'' The Countess said. `` But people will believe even *teenagers* if enough of them seem to have seem something.'' 
 
 `` People do n't camp out at the legendary Forest of the Damned Mummy for the flea market.'' He said, rolling his eyes. The motion was only noticeable because of the movement of his surrounding wrinkles. 
 
 `` Can you at least tone it down?'' Frankenstein asked, peering over the top of a disproportionally small pair of glasses. `` I live in that forest too. If you rile enough citizens into a witch hunt and they knock my door down, I wo n't be happy.'' 
 
 A witch grunted, shifting her hat to cover her long, green nose. 
 
 `` No offense to those present.'' Frankenstein said hurriedly. 
 
 `` Oh, none taken.'' The witch said in a low voice dripping with resentment. John could almost see the mind behind her eyes swimming in possible curses. 
 
 A sudden silence seemed to overtake the room, punctuated by the Lich's rasping breaths. 
 
 John cleared his throat. `` Hey, Jerry?'' 
 
 `` Yeah?'' Jerry replied, dust seeming to fall from the raising of his eyebrow. 
 
 `` What are you doing in America anyway?'' 
 
 Jerry's eyes narrowed for another awkward moment. `` Well, I, uh... got chased out of my pyramid by treasure hunters. Damn Carnahans.'' 
 
 Yet another rasping silence permeated the air. 
 
 The Countess cleared her throat again. `` Alright. So, next order of business. Skeletons, I've heard that adventurers have some intention of paying you a visit.'' 
 
 The skeletons rattled amongst themselves, and the Skeleton King ( identical to his kin, save for his crown ) hushed them. 
 
 `` What kind of adventurers?'' The Skeleton King said in a velvety voice. 
 
 The Countess smiled. `` Just your standard beefcakes with large swords.'' 
 
 The skeletons rattled in laughter. `` *Swords? * Against *skeletons*? Surely they're mad!'' 
 
 `` I'm afraid they're quite serious.'' The Countess said. `` The best part is that they plan to bring all their loot along with them.'' 
 
 The skeleton's rattling redoubled in mirth. When it started to come down in volume, the Countess began to read out the next entry on her list. 
 
 `` Last order of business for tonight. We're seeing new, feral zombies. Three since our last meeting, and that was only a month ago!'' The Countess shot an accusational look at the zombies. 
 
 `` Hey, now,'' John started. `` I have n't bitten anything *alive* in more than a decade! I know the rules, and I'm always- 
 
 `` John, I know you follow the rules.'' The Countess said, her sympathy almost convincing him. `` That's why I was n't accusing you.'' 
 
 It clicked for John, and he turned to Barry, his expression softening. 
 
 `` Tell me it's not true, Barry.'' John said. He would be tearing up if his tear ducts still worked. 
 
 Barry sighed. `` I do n't know what to say, man. It's just... You know how it feels.'' 
 
 `` This hurts, Barry. It hurts.'' 
 
 Barry got up. `` Do you think it's *easy*, being the undead? Do you think I asked to be cursed? No!'' He was yelling, and his voice broke twice. `` I'm leaving!'' He yelled, stumbling towards the door in his fastest shuffle. About a minute later, he slammed the door shut. 
 
 Another silence settled over the room. The Lich's breathing was faster than before. 
 
 The Countess carefully closed her dusty book, cringing at the slight noise it made. `` Meeting adjourned.''
