[ WP ] `` Just because I hate you , does n't mean I do n't miss you . ''

I'm not writing this to you because you deserve this. You deserve everything that's happened to you and more. I'm writing this for me. I'm writing for her. Years since I've seen her. Years since I've seen you. She was the only thing in the world that comforted me. While her hand brought with it love and peace, your hand brought forth pain and blood. You do not deserve mercy, you do not deserve to ever see the light of day. 
 
 She was your wife. She was my mother. You blamed the alcohol, but it was n't the booze that killed her. It was you. As I grow older and older, I ca n't see her face without seeing yours along side. So, in trying to forget you, I forget her. Trying to remember her, I remember you. 
 
 Every memory I have of you is dreadful, except for one. You were working on the truck in the barn. You only had a little to drink. I liked you when you only had a little to drink. You took time to teach me about the truck and how it worked and ran. You showed me what tools did what. When we were walking back to the house for dinner, you bent down to me. You looked me in the eye as if you wanted to say something. To apologize for everything you've done, maybe. To tell me you were going to change. But you did n't say a word, you just pulled me in and hugged me. That was one of the best days of my life. I loved you in that moment. 
 
 Hell, I have never not loved you. Even in my closet as I hid from you, I loved you. A small glimpse of hope came with every hand you hit me with, that you'd just embrace me and hug me like you did that day. You never hugged me again. 
 After mom was gone, you sent letter after letter. I never wrote back. I'm only sending you this letter to tell you to stop. The remaining love I have for you is for what you could not give me. That hug you gave me left me desiring more. Missing what I could have had. Pathetic to think I could love and hate someone so much. 
 
 Though, I hate you. I miss you. 
 
 Though, you were not a father, I was a son. 

