[ WP ] Write the letter that you always wanted to , but never did .

Dear Ciarain, 
 
 It's been 9 and a half years since you died and it fucking sucks, even now. At any main event in my life or even when I'm just having some fun with friends, I think about how different my life would be if you were still alive. For all I know we may have fallen out of being friends once we hit our late teens and all the lament I feel for a life that could have been, is all for nothing. 
 
 I am happy with my life but would be happier with you in it. We were best friends and neighbours, from the moment we were born. I was too young to fully understand how sick you were when we 8/9 and then was too much of a coward to be by your side when the leukemia got worse once we started hitting 13/14, but just know I wanted to be there, I just could n't see you fade like you did. I wish now that I had of gone over for you more, but such a cruel thing is hindsight. 
 
 You were the bravest person I've ever known. You spent close 90 % of your life dealing with cancer and you lived a fuller life than most people on this earth. Never afraid of anything knew but always with time for anyone else. You were just awesome. I mean that in the literal sense `` awe-inspiring''. You constantly left me wanting to be a better person, something I've carried with me, even to this day. 
 
 I often think of if you had n't died, we probably would have gone to college together studying music ( I stopped music for years after you died because we joined the band together it became too hard to keep it up for a time ), maybe realised how much a tool I was in my late teens before getting a head on my shoulders. Who knows, maybe we would have been tools together. 
 
 I will never know what could have been and it haunts me because the sort of person you are ( I typed are and realised it was a mistake but I'm leaving it in ), you would definitely of been a positive influence and my life would be drastically different. Ultimately though, there is nothing I can do. I know you ca n't come back. I know life goes on, but I just want you to know that you are the person who has defined me the most. Made me the person I am today. I would be better with you but we must make do with what life gives us. 
 
 Still missing you, probably wo n't stop. 
 OP 
 
 P.S - I never laughed harder than when you sneezed on the glass of your car when me and your brother were inside waiting for you to get in. It went everywhere.
