[ WP ] After spending decades in Heaven you finally work up the courage to ask for a meeting with God . You ask Peter , but he reveals to you God has left a long time ago .

`` He's gone?'' 
 
 Peter sighed at me and looked down at his desk. `` Sit down, Nate.'' he said. I complied. `` You want some coffee?'' he asked, but before I could answer, he shook his head. `` Of course you do n't. You always liked hot chocolate better. Here.'' he snapped his fingers and two steaming mugs appeared before us. I murmured a'thanks' and took a sip. That was one of the little things about heaven I loved. You could drink something hot, but it would n't burn. Sort of like how I never forgot what I was doing whenever I entered a room, or how my arm never fell asleep if I slept on it weird. All the little things. 
 
 Peter leaned back and sipped his coffee, and stroked his long white beard. `` It's a hell of a job, being God's secretary.'' he groaned. I laughed at the irony of his statement. `` I mean it!'' He chuckled. `` Everyday I got ta see countless, and I mean *countless* souls and either let em through the gates or send'em to purgatory or... well, you know. And then I got ta worry about running everything else. I mean, Jesus does a great job of making everybody feel good, he's a great public speaker, but he was never much for the executive stuff. And Mr. Mysterious, the Holy Spirit, can never be found so I ca n't count on him to help around with anything. There's a reason He put me in charge, you know. Fucking bureaucracy, I tell ya. But anyway... Yeah. He's gone. He has been for a long time. I think he left a few decades after the Renaissance?'' 
 
 `` But why? Does n't he have this whole universe thing to run?'' I asked. 
 
 Peter raised an eyebrow to me and gave me a smirk. `` C'mon Nate. Big Man created the universe so that it can pretty much run itself. I mean, think about how fucking atoms and shit works. You think he would put that much detail into stuff unless he wanted it to work without him having to micromanage all the time? I mean, you got ta cut the Guy a break. He's got a huge load on his plate. People praying to him everyday asking to win the lottery and what not... Man, you should see the spam folder on his email. And there's not a whole lot he can do. Ever since Jesus died, Heaven kinda instituted this whole'limited interference' policy regarding how we interact with earth. So when he gets a prayer there is n't a lot he can do, and then people get angry... He's kinda in a no win scenario trying to keep everyone down there happy.'' 
 
 `` But... where did he even go?'' I asked. 
 
 `` Vacation. I think when he first left he wanted to go check out the Bahamas. He spent about a century there. He got really good at surfing. Then I think he went hiking on Mars... There was a time when he spent a few summers in France. Oh god... that was the worst. He kept texting me, sending me pictures of the Eiffel Tower and shit. One time he texted me and was all like `` Did you know they eat snails here? So gross lol''. But you know, I get it. You mortals get to actually *experience* all that stuff. Surfing, hiking, eating snails. He just had to watch for the longest time. It's enough to make anyone a little jealous. He wanted to stretch his legs, you know? Brush his teeth, get high, waste money. You know, all the little things.'' 
 
 `` Will... will he be coming back?'' 
 
 `` Eventually, yeah. I know after this whole'Rapture' thing all of Heaven is getting a huge renovation, so maybe he wo n't be so bored up here. Until then though, I got ta oil the gears, you know. Keep this place running. Look, I'm sorry if this is disappointing. Usually people are off doing whatever they want up here, that nobody ever really asks to see the Big Man. You're the first person who has asked in, like, a long time. I'll leave a Post-It on his door though. Let him know you stopped by.'' 
 
 `` Thanks, Pete.'' 
 
 `` No problem. Hey, it was nice to talk to you, Nate. Come see me again if you want.'' 
 
 `` I will, man. Keep hanging in there.'' I turned and left his office and was halfway back to my cloud when I felt a buzz from my cell-phone. I checked it and it was a text from some unknown number. Like I do n't mean it was just some random number, it was literally I number I had never seen before. I do n't even know how much the number stood for. It was weird, man. I opened it, and inside was a picture of what looked like french fries, covered in gravy or something. The text attached to it said: 
 
 `` U ever had this poutine stuff? lol Canada is whack. miss you: ) -G.'' 
 
 I had just read the message when I got another text from the same number. 
 
 `` Also, did u know they put mayo on fries in Europe? All the little things, man, I tell ya.''
