[ WP ] The day the human population crossed 5 billion it was flagged for evaluation by The Consortium for Galactic Peace as a potential parasite . Their silent and thorough followup study is now over and the verdict is ...

Slime dripped from the underside of the grand table as hundreds of grimy tentacles clasped it in anticipation. Generations of scientific inquiry had finally come to fruition. Teeth gnashed. Sniffles and grunts were the only sounds to cut the palpable tension in the air. With slow whoosh of air, a cylinder arose from the center of the room, projecting a glittering shine on the bare white walls. The grunts and sniffles grew louder and more savage as the cylinder opened smoothly and slowly. As a green, tentacled figure emerged clothed in nothing but a smooth, reflective robe, the room rose to absolutely cacophony as tentacles writhed and slapped against chairs and table and grunts turned into screeches. The cylinder let out a low moan before disintegrating on the floor. The robed figure held up a small, perfectly smooth silver sphere. The room silenced. 
 
 
 `` We have an answer,'' the green figure rumbled, as he tossed the sphere into the center of the room. Catching an invisible vacuum, it hung still momentarily before projecting a blast of light onto all eight walls of the enclosure. The comathorians sat motionless. This was routine. One by one, the guests allowed their bulbous eyes to slither from their tiny sockets and gaze up at the projections. As their eyes focused in the light, the projection had but one word: `` No.'' 
 
 A fat tentacle slapped on the table. `` What about their trip to their moon, was it a failure?'' Eyes shifted towards the large blue beast. 
 
 `` No.'' The robed figure replied. 
 
 Another fat tentacle slapped the table. `` Does their space program pose no threat to us?'' The green comathorians let out small, gasping wails as if to mock his question. 
 
 `` No,'' answered the robed figure, voice echoing throughout the chamber. A shrill voice emerged from behind him, as a smaller more wirey creature shuffled into view. 
 
 `` No doubt aided by our destruction of their original shuttle plans!'' 
 
 The fat blue comathorian was flustered. `` Have they given up on their missions into space?'' Slimed dripped off his massive face onto the floor. 
 
 `` They have,'' responded the robed figure. In fact, they are the opposite of parasitic. They seem to be only destroying themselves. Their primitive technology is quickly filling their atmosphere with poisonous gasses. In a few thousand of their years, they will have wiped themselves off their planet and we will not have to concern ourselves with their presence at all.'' 
 
 `` Do they know this?'' Asked the blue comathorian. 
 
 
 `` Yes, yet they do nothing. They are truly the lowest of all organisms we have yet to discover in our observable universe.'' The robed figure removed his robe, revealing a wrinkled, warty body. `` Your decision, sir?'' 
 
 The fat comathorian laid back on his recliner. He paused briefly, his eyes oozed back into their sockets. `` Our days of observing planet earth are over.'' A large red sun quickly shot past the room, bathing it briefly in red light. The green figure wriggled it's way across the top of the table silently. All comathorian eyes squeaked across their crusty sockets as the green figure stopped in front of the large blue beast. `` Your service with us is over.'' Two tentacles shot out from beneath the table, and instantly the green figure was tossed into the blue's gaping maw to be swallowed whole. The silver sphere melted into a puddle of mercury in the center of the floor. Before the last drop of slime had been slurped into the blue creatures mouth, the other comathorians had already left the large table, focused and neutral, as they continued on to their next job, thoughts of earth and it's population immediately forgotten.
