[ WP ] The hero was killed , the princess was sacrificed , and the evil king rules the land . For the average citizen , though , things have taken a turn for the better .

I've been haunting this castle for a while now. A year, to be exact. I spent the first week mourning the loss of my princessly wardrobe and Prince Carl, who ’ d been killed trying to rescue me, when I realized two things. Number one, I didn ’ t know Carl at all ( and since he died after taste-testing the clearly labeled poison wall that Dr. Sinestest had put up, he clearly hadn ’ t been all that bright to begin with ). Number two, I was stuck haunting a castle bathroom. Apparently I had to be sacrificed in a bathtub for easier cleanup. No dignity, I tell you. 
 
 There are advantages, of course. Sinestest always likes to read the news while she ’ s going to the bathroom in the morning, so I get to stay up-to-date on the latest news from my kingdom. Apparently there ’ s been a significant decrease in state-sponsored balls, which serves her right. Sometimes I like to write mocking messages on the mirror when it fogs up. My little way of getting some revenge on the lady who took over my country, you know? One of my finer messages was on the day she came in with singed eyebrows: “ On fleek, professor. ” 
 
 Two weeks later, one of her mad science experiments was being rolled out throughout the kingdom. Everyone was required to use this dumb new state-sponsored fertilizer. Come on, lady, you just took over a kingdom and now you think you need to re-engineer horse dung? What a load of crap. Take advantage of your position. Lord it over some peasants already! 
 
 A month after that, her morning news scroll carried the headline, “ Potato famine over!: ‘ Eye can ’ t believe it, ’ says citizen. ” Apparently her special fertilizer has the side effect of giving potatoes actual eyes ( whether they have eyelashes is unclear ), so I ’ m pretty sure she ’ s terrifying the citizenry. 
 
 The headlines in “ Daily Peasant ” have gotten stranger and stranger, really. 
 
 “ Daughters required to attend school until age 15: outrage ensues ” 
 
 “ Free reading lessons offered by Sinistest government. In unrelated news, our readership is up. ” 
 
 “ Sinestest breaks pub monopoly, ends beer price-fixing ” 
 
 “ Your womanlies can be painless too! A miracle cure ” 
 
 Okay, I admit that last one is pretty cool. Mostly she sucks, though. 
 
 Today on the mirror I told her that. “ You suck, ” I wrote. She snorted and took a sample of my ectoplasm. I think I ’ m worried.
