[ WP ] You discover that Earth is the `` North Korea '' of the galaxy

`` So, your people and my people are at war then? Just like that?'' I asked, staring into the screen. Outside, masses of rock moved silently through the asteroid field. My former comrade from the other side was only a few meters away from me, in a spherical ship that, just like mine, was devoid of external lights and signals. We'd used these ships to goof off and enjoy a few minutes of peace between shifts, but this meeting was something other. 
 
 `` We did n't know that word until we met you,'' he said, voice eerily clear over the communicator. `` We did n't understand you until recently. I personally do not think you are like some of... them. I would have liked us to still be friends.'' 
 
 `` I still do n't understand,'' I replied quietly. 
 
 `` The books,'' his voice replied. `` You're the only race we have contacted, out of dozens, who has written fiction about going to war with other races in outer space. In fact, the word itself was mistranslated until recently - we believed it to mean a grudge or some kind of existential conflict. Your concept, it is a form of mass-murder. Yours is the only race that practices it, at least that we know of.'' 
 
 I sat staring at his ship through the window, and I was angry. 
 
 `` War? War is n't always wrong. Factions have gone to war to prevent genocides or injustice...'' 
 
 ``... that were also created by people of your own race,'' he pointed out. `` Genocide. We have prejudices. Every race does. But yours is the only one that has pushed it to that extreme. Wait.'' 
 
 I watched the inside of his cockpit light up. The light of a single viewscreen illuminated his rigid, still face. `` Nuclear weapons. You are the only race. Genital mutilation. Only race. Not the only race to commit slavery, but had the longest duration of slavery of any race. Disease warfare. Only race. Serial killers. Only race. You have no idea how many years it took us to actually decipher what some of this meant. You were a brother to me, human. Your kind sickens me.'' 
 
 `` This is in the past,'' I protested. `` You're reading our history files.'' 
 
 `` Three months ago, a nuclear strike destroyed one of your far colonies,'' he said. His race's version of an accusatory tone was high pitched and grating. 
 
 `` That was a galactic backwater,'' I said. `` Those are n't civilized people.'' 
 
 `` Still your race,'' he said. `` A religious organization committed some kind of ritual suicide last year. One of your race's preachers convinced over a thousand of your people to kill themselves. Why?'' 
 
 `` They're... crazy,'' I finished lamely. These were n't groups of people I was affiliated with. 
 
 `` The eradication of Yavesh-5,'' his voice said, in a cold monotone. `` Starting a terraforming process by destroying an entire planet's ecosystem, including budding sentient life.'' 
 
 I sat silently. That was the Prade Corporation, which was one of our former company's competitors. Those were people a lot like me. 
 
 `` We can be greedy,'' I said quietly. `` But we're not all like that. Our own government punished them.'' 
 
 `` They were fined. It was 12.7 % of one yearly net profit for them. They murdered a planet and paid your government to do it. This is not a meaningful punishment.'' 
 
 `` Fine, we're scum,'' I sighed, throwing my hands up. If they had already judged us, there was nothing we could really do. `` I just hope we can end this stupid war. What caused it in the first place?'' 
 
 `` We did,'' he answered. I stared at him across the vacuum. 
 
 `` You what?'' 
 
 `` We declared war,'' he said simply. `` Once we learned what it was, and figured out what your race was capable of, we realized that war would be inevitable between us. The only way we can exist peacefully is to make sure that your people are kept under control.'' 
 
 `` You're going to condemn us as warmongers and then declare war on us?'' I demanded, standing up in the cockpit. `` You fucking hypocrite!'' 
 
 `` Not hypocrite. Survivor,'' he replied. `` Your people are too aggressive and cruel. We do not want neighbors with nuclear arms, or random splinter factions suffering from insanity attacking us. We do not want to be attacked because one member of your race wanted to steal from us to further his own ambitions. Your race is ridiculous. I do not understand how any of you cooperated enough to leave your planet in the first place.'' 
 
 `` Well, we do n't want a neighbor who is going to suddenly declare war on us because of our history,'' I shouted. `` You call us ridiculous? You wo n't be saying that in a few years. There's something you forgot about us, old friend.'' 
 
 `` I find this doubtful,'' he hissed. 
 
 `` We're a contentious race. We fight like wolves over things you find stupid, using methods you'd never dream of. But what happens when we face a common enemy? If humanity has a choice between aiding their worst enemy or being ruled by an alien race, which do you think we will choose? Oh, and all of those things you mentioned? If we came up with all of that, what are we going to come up with in this war?'' 
 
 `` You will not succeed,'' he said. His voice quavered slightly. 
 
 `` Even if you win, billions of your kind will die,'' I stated, staring into his cockpit. `` If we begin to lose, we will use nuclear and chemical weapons. We will make plagues against you. We will sterilize your planets and even sacrifice our own lives to take more of yours. You have no idea how fucked you are right now. Why in the fuck did you think those writers wrote those fucking books? We were ready for this the entire time. The entirety of human history was leading up into our war with you. You're right, I guess. It was inevitable.'' 
 
 My cockpit lit up with bright lights. Several of the erstwhile asteroids outside were lit up, displaying installations of metal and spotlights on their surfaces. 
 
 `` We have finished recording,'' a foreign, alien voice sounded over the communicator. `` Thank you, human.'' 
 
 `` What? What is this?'' I protested, shielding my eyes from the light. 
 
 `` From your race, we have also learned the meaning of propaganda,'' my former friend said. He made a high-pitched keening noise, the sound of his race expressing mirth. 
 
 The asteroids closed in. I had a sinking feeling that I would never see a human world again.
