[ WP ] You are a brilliant Med School student who uses extensive knowledge on the human body to win street fights for money to pay for tuition . One night you face your most difficult opponent : a Physics major

`` Remember that one time I told everybody I could snap his arm exactly the right way so that the blood splattered all over his eyes and face, but nowhere else? And how nobody believed I could make an arm snap? And how I did, but when the arm snapped it just happened to squirt blood in the wrong direction?'' For those of you who just came in, this is a rhetorical question. I'm standing here covered in the guy's blood ( they just took him away to the hospital ) and they wo n't give me my fucking money. `` Look, I know it maybe was n't a perfect job, but do you even know how much studying I've had to do that?'' 
 `` Big deal, Jim over there does it all the time. And we do n't like it when you snap bones, it's hard to get the good fighters back.'' That's Jonathan with the big muscly arms over there speaking. `` Besides, you're old news. We got the new guy.'' 
 I start in on Jonathan now. `` Look, buddy. He does NOT snap arms with only a chopstick and a ketchup bottle. He may snap arms otherwise, but not with just these tools.'' And I hold them up. `` And besides you keep talking up this new guy. I have n't seen him. You have n't paid me in two weeks and if I do n't get the cash tonight I'm out for good.'' Jon holds up the gun. `` Yeah, yeah, shoot. I've got enough on my mind as it is.'' My imagination starts seeing a bloody hole in my side. I think about how it might turn gangrene, and bubbly, and oozy. And then how the pressure might shift, and my lungs could collapse from the pressure against them from the outside. And.... 
 `` Look, I told you: you do n't get the money until you fight the new guy. We told you he was here on Saturday but you skipped it to chill with your buddies. So shoo.'' 
 `` Hey, I do n't'chill' [ I fingerquote ] with'buddies' [ fingerquotes again ]. I was writing my thirty-page honors paper. And guess what.'' I'm about to tell them I got a fucking A for it when a loud BEEEP happens. Jon smiles broadly. 
 `` You want your money?'' he asks. `` Beat the new guy.'' Then, as if out of nowhere: `` The new guy arrives!'' he yells as loudly as I've ever heard somebody yell. [ That's weird, I think, because I'm pretty sure he was n't going to show up tonight.... ] I back to the side of the stage and the stagelights come up. Suddenly I can see the audience illuminated in parts of the backdrop. Pretty much everybody - a hundred or so, that is - got quiet after I started arguing with Jon about payment. Now there's clapping, screaming, and I think some lady took off her shirt way back there. So apparently the new guy is popular. He still has to walk toward us from the central lobby, which takes about twenty seconds. 
 Jon pulls out the microphone now and looks me squarely in the eye. `` Now's your laaaaaaast chaaaaance. Staaaaay iiinnn, or goooo ouuuut!'' He looks at me and I nod with a smile. `` You're gon na regret it, big boy,'' he says more quietly and out of the microphone, staring me down. He backs away from me and then runs off the stage. After that, I'll admit, I'm a bit nervous. 
 It's been more than twenty seconds now. The crowd is still cheering but I do n't see the guy. And then out of fucking nowhere something slams hard into my chest. Like, I'm down, and I'm pretty sure my floating ribs are floating in the wrong places. The world is blue for a second. Everything is flashing, but then the flashing stops and it's like the rib goes right back into place and I'm standing there like normal in front of the crowd and Jon is here and he yells: `` Now's your laaaaaaast chaaaaance. Staaaaay iiinnn, or goooo ouuuut!'' And I have to admit, I'm a lot more nervous than before. So I jump forward as quickly as possible and fucking bodyslam the ground right in front of me. It's gon na hurt, I know, but after what my ribs just went through only a hacksaw is going to deliver anything worse. 
 `` Goddamnit, gim me a break, I was just playin' around, Tom,'' yells Finn from underneath me. `` Seriously, you'll get the cash. Just checkin' out this new toy I built.'' Finn is such a goddamned dickhead. `` So far it'll turn me invisible AND reverse time. Also I get to decide if y'all remember the time-turning. But only once a day. So you're lucky, Tom.'' 
 `` Finn, I'm sorry I have to do this,'' I reply. `` It's not permanent, but you're not going to like me for a little bit.'' Finn is still invisible but I manage to grab hold of the remote he's holding and wrench it out of his hand. He suddenly turns visible and once they see what I'm doing the crowd is chanting my name. I've operated on at least twenty of the people who see me out here, but they probably do n't recognize me. Finn does n't look very happy, but I take his head and smack it as hard as I can, twice, against the ground. Then I dislocate both his shoulders and leave him lying there, naked, on the ground, with his arms bent really nastily like a big fat X. Why he did n't wear clothes under the invisibility shield thing, I'll never know. I stand there, holding my arms up in front of the crowd, holding my new remote, and waiting for Jon to hand over the dough. I'm pretty fucking brilliant, if I do say so myself.
