[ WP ] You get bored of the party and walk outside to lay under the tree . It has become dark . As you lay under the tree , you look up and see two beady red eyes looking back down at you .

‘ Damn, it had been a long time since I had been that drunk. I had been so good about staying away. So much time spent at AA meetings, talking to shrinks, getting my friends to help me out, and I just fucking throw it all away. The party was starting to die down, and everyone was sobering up too much for my liking, so I just snag a bottle of shitty-ass vodka and slurred and stumble my way out the door. 
 
 I make it as far as the bigass tree in their front yard before tripping over one of its roots hiding in the darkness. I land on my face, but ( and this was important to me at the time ) I manage to keep my bottle from spilling. I look up, probably swearing my face off at the tree, and two scary little red eyes are looking at me from the bottom branches. 
 
 
 “ Who tha fuck ’ re you? ” I say. 
 
 
 “ My name is rather complicated, ” the tree person replied. “ And its in another language. It translates fairly well to ‘ The Tempter ’ though. ” 
 
 
 “ That sounds preddy gay. Are you gon ’ tempt me with buttsex? Hahahaha ” My idiotic laughter echoed around the empty yard. 
 
 
 “ Of course not! No, all I want to do is go somewhere more fun. ” 
 
 
 Suddenly there was a face around the eyes, and then a head around the face, and then a body came out of the shadows to join them all. And dayum, what a body it was, I remember I was speechless at this beautiful woman that stepped out from behind the tree. Her eyes faded to a more normal brown color, and I thought that the red must have been a trick of the light. 
 
 
 “ Where d ’ you wan na go? ” I say, and at this point I had pulled myself upright and was trying to stand up straight enough to offer her my arm. 
 
 
 She says to me, “ Let ’ s go to your place, I bet we could have some of our own fun there! ” And then she just grabs my junk and squeezed! 
 
 
 “ Hell, yeah! ” I reply. So I stumble my way over to my car, unlock it, and open the door for my lovely lady friend. My house was only a couple miles away, but road seemed a little bumpier and less straight than normal. I was nearly home when I saw those lights behind me and I knew I was done for. As soon as she realizes I am busted, this chick I am with turns into a fucking demon with wings, fangs, and boobs and shit, kisses me once more and then vanishes like smoke. That ’ s fucking bullshit amiright? ’ 
 
 
 ‘ Listen kid, I have never in my 24 years as a cop seen more destruction from a drunk driver that what you did last night. ’ The mustache in a uniform in front of me seemed pretty pissed. ‘ You wrecked fifteen lawns, killed seven mailboxes, and hit 2 different people. Both of them are going to make it, but you are going to jail for a long time. ” 
 
 
 “ You know, I am impressed, ” the second cop says. “ I have never seen someone go for an insanity plea on a DUI. The way you ’ re going buddy, you just might get it. ” He burst out laughing and turned to walk away from my cell. 
 
 
 The first cop stood there for a bit longer, simply shaking his head. But just as he turned to go, he looked at me slowly, and winked. His eyes were red. 

