[ WP ] Yesterday , the world heard an announcement that a massive asteroid would hit the earth today . Only it did n't , and now everyone is feeling super awkward .

`` The near miss was considered to be a fringe chance by experts around the world. Of course, in this year of unthinkable outcomes, maybe we should have known better.'' The reporter said. 
 
 He grinned wide like everyone else around the desk was doing. The difference was that the reporter's beaming face was framed by the words `` TRUST NO BITCHES'' tattooed across his pale forehead. 
 
 Jerry sat in the tattered remains of his apartment, a smoke slowly filtering across the sunlight pouring through battered shutters. The TV across the room was coated in mustard and dried vodka. 
 
 A small plate of stale cheese and dried caviar sat in silver tins he had bought with the money he was going to use for the remaining semesters in school. Eight empty thirty-two packs of Natty Ice were stacked in the middle of the room. Someone had taped a piece of paper to a pencil and stabbed it through top like a flag. `` FUCK MOUNTAIN'' was written in pencil on it. All the used condoms from the night before had been tossed on the mound. It was an offering to the coming apocalypse. 
 
 Jerry was alone amidst the molding debauchery. They had somehow fit forty scared, angry, and horny college students in this room last night. They had wept, drank, and screwed the night away. A crowd of academics who saw the futility of higher learning as a black mark on their life. They needed to live very quickly. 
 
 That was what they tried to do. If nothing would remain of the Earth, of their bodies, then they hoped to have some wild memories before their dreams and memories were incinerated along with the rose bushes outside. 
 
 Jerry could not remember everything he had done, how much he drank, or who he had been with. All he felt was a soreness in his ass, a burning on his cheek, and the dull pain of existence burning into his forehead. Everyone had cleared out within an hour of the meteor passing the Earth. Jubilant to have their lives back, but terrified of what they had just done. They all crept back to their owns homes, secretly proud of what they had done. 
 
 Not Jerry. 
 
 He stared at the mountains of booze, the piles of wasted food, and the god, damn silver plates that were supposed to pay for the college time he was supposed to have been robbed of. 
 
 He heard something move in one of the rooms. His roommate, Pat, wandered in the common area, his hands cuffed with fuzzy, yellow restraints. 
 
 `` What happened?'' Pat asked. 
 
 `` A galactic oops. It missed.'' 
 
 `` Really? This is n't like, heaven?'' 
 
 `` Your standards for angels are pretty low if I'm the one that welcomes you to eternity.'' 
 
 `` Are we floating on a chunk of Earth? It really missed?!'' Pat asked. 
 
 Jerry nodded. 
 
 `` Yeah. We made it.'' Jerry said. 
 
 Jerry eyed the mess around him. As Pat broke down into loud, expletive-ridden celebration, he could not stop thinking about the Ozymandian ruin around him. 
 

