[ WP ] You are a member of an alien race who has been observing Earth for the last few hundred years trying to decide what to do with it . Over the last decade , your leaders have narrowed it down to either colonization or annihilation . That decision is due today .

*God, will Umteck ever shut up? * 
 
 The thought loops through my mind, as he continues his endless rant. 
 
 “... a relatively peaceful species. They like to consider themselves war-like, but compared to the Resferk… ” 
 
 At least he was done with the quantification of the physical aspects of the planet. I don ’ t know why we would ever need to know how many cubic terats of atmosphere the planet has. Either we turn the planet into a singularity -- in which case it doesn ’ t matter how much atmosphere it has -- or we continue to let it exist -- in which case... it *doesn ’ t matter how much atmosphere it has. * 
 
 “... economy is relatively under-developed. Most inhabitants still think that capitalism and communism are different systems… ” 
 
 Who thought it was a good idea to let Umteck make this report anyway? I mean, sure, all three of his parents have relatively high positions of authority. But, for the love of physics, he sure knows how to talk... and talk... and talk... about *nothing*. 
 
 “... political systems are conflated with economic ones. They believe that democracy is a good system of rule, but still hold to the notion of inherited rulers.... ” 
 
 I grew up with Umteck, and one time he entered a report on the correct usage of the word “ the ” that took roughly 50 hours for him to communicate. That dude, *loves* the sound of his own thoughts. 
 
 “... but natural resources are dwindling, and this is causes both economic and political strife. Which brings us back to consideration of the interplay between these two systems… ” 
 
 The main problem seems to be his complete inability to discern between what is important, and what is asinine. I mean, sure, you want to know a fact, this dude is going to get it for you. But you give him unlimited scope -- well, you are going to get a compilation of data that will threaten to collapse into a black hole under its own mass. 
 
 “..which in turn, increases the strain on the natural resources. It is all quite typical, however, for a plant populated with relatively primitive… ” 
 
 And almost all of it, is *worthless*. Absolutely worthless. 
 
 “... and so, it seems likely that this society will not last on its own for much more than 100 years. Thus, as far as this society goes, I do not think it makes much difference between destroying the planet, or letting it run its own course. ” 
 
 *Seriously*? We just sat through 45 minutes of dribble to reach *no* conclusion? What did I do wrong to get this job anyway? I must have pissed someone off up at central. Well, at least the rest of us could vote, and reach a conclusion. 
 
 “ That concludes discussion of the country self-identified as ‘ Afganistan. ’ ” 
 
 *Thank god. * 
 
 Moving on to Albania… ” 
 
 “ Wait... stop. ” I interrupt. “ Just... stop. ” 
 
 Umteck looks at me. “ Sir? ” 
 
 “ I thought you just finished? ” 
 
 “ Oh no. Not even close. That was just one of their more formalized political entities: the ‘ Country. ’ ”. 
 
 “ How many of these so-called ‘ countries ’ are there? ” I ask. 
 
 “ At any given time -- roughly two hundred. ” 
 
 “ Two-hundred? And you are going to detail them all? ” 
 
 “ Yes, of course. As well as the many bands and tribes that are not officially recognized. As well as the people groups that span several countries, and… ” 
 
 “ Stop. Please, stop. ” 
 
 “ Sir? ” 
 
 “ Look, I know you did some great research. And, well, I am here to tell you that we are all... impressed by your attention to detail. But you got ta know. We have thousands of these planets to consider. So, perhaps we can just... speed it up a bit. ” 
 
 “ Speed it up? ” 
 
 “ Yeah, like, give us the highlights. Should we worry about them killing everything in the galaxy, or just themselves. ” 
 
 “ Well... the odds of them getting off their planet are slim to nonexistent. ” 
 
 “ So, you don ’ t think they are a threat? ” 
 
 “ Hardly. ” 
 
 “ Great. ” I turn to the two other members on the committee. “ What do you guys say? Let ‘ em live? ” 
 
 Two affirmative votes come in. 
 
 “ OK. ” I look back at Umteck. “ Thank you for your service. Earth shall be permitted to exist for another one-hundred years. ” 
 
 Umteck looked as if he was about to object. So I moved quickly. 
 
 “ Next up for consideration... Resferk. ” 

