[ WP ] Tom Cruise is suing every Redditor who ever called him gay

`` Wait, the fuck?'' 
 
 
 `` Yeah, we all said the same thing.'' 
 
 
 Josh's eyes wandered over the various occupants in the room with wide eyes. From bodybuilders to neckbeards, politicians to... Robin Williams? Everyone in the room was being sued. There were nearly two hundred people in this room alone, and he knew the other rooms in the hallway were similarly full. Josh could do nothing to shake the feeling of disbelief flowing through him, compounded by the undercurrent of anger in the room. 
 
 
 All eyes swiveled to the sound of the turning doorknob. 
 
 
 `` Well, we better hope our attorney does n't try and prove our allegations. Heh, we'd be screwed, literally!'' Robin Williams chuckled to himself after quickly getting that out. Josh had never been a fan of his humor. 
 
 
 In stepped Tom Cruise himself, followed by a man with slicked back hair, strong shoulders, and a briefcase. He froze upon seeing the number in the room. 
 
 
 `` Hurry this up Mr. Lodano, I've got a scientology mass to attend.'' God, Tom Cruise even sounded like a prick. 
 
 
 The aforementioned Lodano rolled his eyes and turned to Cruise. 
 
 
 `` Sir, I do n't believe that you will be able to sue all of these individuals. You would tie up the courts for years, and the cost to you would be extravagant!'' 
 
 
 `` You mean I ca n't just have them all tried at once?'' 
 
 
 Lodano stared at the man with exasperation written across his face for a few moments before shaking his head `` *no*'' resignedly. 
 
 
 Cruise's face grew red, and he swelled up before shouting at Lodano. 
 
 
 `` You're fired! You worthless sack of shit! See if you *ever* find work in this city again!'' 
 
 
 `` But Mr. Cruise, you flew us into this city, I do n't work here, I work in Hollywood.'' 
 
 
 After several screams of indecipherable content, and much raging at no one, Cruise left. Lodano sighed. 
 
 
 `` Sorry to disturb your New Year's fellahs, just go home.''
