[ PI ] The Monterosum Chronicles - FirstChapter - 2343 Words

I enjoyed the vampire story, and I really liked how the narration was framed. A family dinner, where the dad recounts on his past experiences. However, as it went on, it seemed to lose its appeal and made me wonder if it would have been better as just a first person narrative. Like, why just have the dad talking all the time when he could just be talking to the reader? 
 
 One thing you should look out for too is past vs. present tense. It seems you focused primarily on present tense, but lost your focus a few times, telling things in past tense instead. I found it especially confusing because the story was telling a story and both were told like it was taking place now. 
 
 Overall, I enjoyed it, it was a fun, interesting idea. Good luck!
