[ WP ] Everyone at 18 years old gets a button in the mail that can change your sexuality into its opposite ( Straight to gay , Pansexual to asexual , etc . ) You , a person who thought they were straight , gets the button in the mail that can turn you straight .

`` Charlie! You got some mail today that I think you might want to see! ``, Mom yelled upstairs. 
 
 I'm 18, but still finishing high school. So I'm kind of in that weird part of life where sometimes I'm an adult and sometimes I'm a high school kid. Really tiresome. And my pain in the ass Dad says, `` Well, you can always go out, get a job, and get your own place.'' He thinks it's a laugh riot, as if he would n't crap his pants if I did. 
 
 `` Ok Mom, I'll be right down! ``, I yell back to her. You would think there might be better methods to communicate than yelling, but Mom never got into the whole `` smart phone'' thing. 
 
 I traipse downstairs after a bit. There on the side table in the foyer is my letter from the Department of Health and Human Services with my Sexuality Control Button. Everyone gets one at 18. The letter prattles on, `` As you know, many people your age are unhappy, or at least uncomfortable with, their sexuality. At your age, this can be difficult and even hamper your happiness in many ways. Accordingly, we the government hereby provide you free of charge, your Sexuality Control Button. If you are uncomfortable or unhappy with your sexuality, please follow the enclosed instructions. And welcome to your tax dollars at work!'' 
 
 Really guys, I'm good... stop wasting my tax dollars. The garbage is a good place for this. Done.
