[ WP ] The hero is a complete asshole , and the villain is pretty nice .

“ Can I get you more juice? ” said Lavinia. 
 
 Tad, straining against his bonds in the metal chair at the far end of the conference table, wriggled. “ You ’ re one sick puppy, you know that? ” 
 
 “ I love puppies! ” said Lavinia. 
 
 “ You know the only thing more bloated than your waistline is your ego, ” said Tad. 
 
 “ Not nice. No juice. ” 
 
 “ Listen, I wouldn ’ t even be here if I hadn ’ t been blackmailed into it. I still can ’ t believe that bastard found those spring break pictures. ” 
 
 “ What, ” said Lavinia, looking genuinely startled, “ you ’ re telling me you ’ re not here to save the world? ” 
 
 “ I ’ m here to get those pictures back, porky. No other reason. ” 
 
 “ You got through my swim-spa moat. ” 
 
 “ Yes. ” 
 
 “ And the Hall of a Hundred Bitey Kittens. ” 
 
 “ Yep. ” 
 
 “ And my Honor Guard of Politeness. ” 
 
 “ Well, no. Obviously. Bastards can run when they ’ re pissed. ” 
 
 “ All because you didn ’ t care about the fate of the world? ” 
 
 “ Just not that motivated, no. ” 
 
 “ Then you won ’ t be too upset that when my plan succeeds you and everyone on this planet dies. Problem solved! – How about a cookie, do you want a cookie? ” 

