[ WP ] You pray to God , wishing that you will get a boyfriend/girlfriend before you die . He gives you immortality .

`` Listen Steve, it's just not going to work out between us.'' 
 
 `` But why not? We're perfect for each other.'' 
 
 Sigh. Yet another man taking me out to some fancy dinner. Yet another disappointment waiting to happen. 
 
 `` We can never be a couple, Steve. You do n't get it. `` 
 
 `` What do n't I get? We've been dating for-'' 
 
 `` Um, we have n't been dating. Boyfriends and girlfriends date. We've just been hanging out together. As friends.'' 
 
 `` Okay, whatever you want to call it. We've been having so much fun'hanging out' together. You're the only person who's ever gone skydiving with me, and we even had a good time just playing video games and eating pizza. Do n't you think we could at least try and see what happens?'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry Steve, but I really think we'd be better off staying just as friends.'' 
 
 That's when he did something terrible. He put his hand on top of mine, looked at me with soft eyes, and slowly leaned across the table for a kiss on the lips. 
 
 I, of course, smacked his cheek as hard as I could. 
 
 `` Get the hell away from me, Steve! If you so much as look in my direction again, I swear I'll call the police.'' 
 
 All the silent staring faces in the restaurant were on us, just as I'd wanted. Humiliating a man this badly was the only way to get him to stop. I know; I've done it eight-hundred and sixty-two times. 
 
 A thousand lifetimes ago, when I was a teenage girl bedridden with sickness in ancient Rome, I prayed to god that I would find a boyfriend before I died. For reasons I still do n't understand, he made me immortal… until I find a boyfriend of course. 
 
 But since then, I've discovered that there are things way more fun than boys. Fighting in wars, traveling to new worlds, even eating pizza and playing video games. I want to see everything the future has to offer, and so long as none of the men in my life call me their `` girlfriend,'' I'm all set. God does n't mind technicalities when it comes to granting immortality, I guess. 
 
 `` Wait! Please come back!'' 
 
 I'd completely forgotten about Steve. He chased after me as I stomped toward the restaurant exit and grabbed me by the arm. 
 
 `` Please, why do n't we just try being boyfriend and girl-'' 
 
 My eyes flared and my heart pounded. This was not good. I did not want to turn into a pile of ancient dust as soon as Steve proclaimed his stupid love for me. 
 
 I panicked, ripped a fork off a nearby table, shoved it into Steve's hand, and then thrust it into my neck. Yeah, it hurt, but it's not like it'd kill me. Blood sprayed out like a lawn sprinkler, and I played dead on the ground as the restaurant erupted into shrieks of terror and 911 calls. A team of waiters apprehended Steve and subdued him and his murder fork to the floor. 
 
 It was hard, but I resisted the urge to smile. I'd had to fake my death a bunch of times before; I was pretty good at it. Now let's just hope that the doctor who will `` miraculously'' save me does n't fall in love with me like the last twenty did.
