[ CC ] Lines and Numbers

Another user already commented on the nuts and bolts of the story with some valid points, so I wo n't go into too much detail on that. I would like to restate the idea that you should work on pacing and style, try to find a bit more depth to this character and move forward in helping the reader understand his internal monologue as the story progresses. 
 
 Now the rest of what I'm gon na say is just a sort of broad opinion, but something has to *happen*. It seems like you're already comfortable with getting inside the character's head, but the problem is that there is n't much of anything interesting really going on in there. This is the kind of person who gets caught up in his own thoughts and the rest of the outside world becomes muted, but what happens when the environment intrudes? Is there some everyday thing that could happen that would scare him for no reason? Is there some otherwise basic distraction that could lead him astray, maybe put him in danger? 
 
 It's good to be able to spend a moment inside the character's head, but how he responds to his surroundings is a really great way to reveal something fundamental about him, and it does n't really happen here. Instead, as a reader, I got caught up in what he was thinking, his accidental revelation in creating the clock/sundial, and about halfway through found myself asking questions that never really got answered. Where is he? Does he do this every day? Is he standing in traffic? 
 
 The ending gives me a sense of dread, which I like, but ultimately I'm not entirely sure *why* I feel that way. It's clear to me that this person is someone who likely struggles through normal situations and maybe there are some things occurring on a regular basis that he ca n't cope with, but that's really just my best guess. I feel like the mention of his father was some sort of red herring and I'd like to know what the real situation is there. Is his father dead? Was the father giving him a ride to school a couple of years ago and involved in some sort of freak car crash that killed him and left his child with permanent brain damage? You could really break my heart here if you wanted to, but first you got ta grab your hammer and swing it a couple of times.
