[ WP ] A homeowner confuses two Mormons for federal agents looking for a fugitive named 'Jesus ' .

Mark slapped empty beer cans and pizza boxes off the coffee table as he tried to combine waking up and silencing the alarm on his cellphone. 
 
 Groggily he focused on the screen. Not an alarm. A phone call, from his least favourite number. 
 
 `` Faaaark off,'' he answered politely. 
 
 `` Mr. Greaves. Your country has need of your services,'' explained the woman on the other end of the line. 
 
 `` My country can fuck off too,'' Mark said defiantly as he sat up and started slipping on his shoes. 
 
 `` Look Mr. Greaves, you've been specially selected for this mission because I believe it's a perfect match for your particular skillset.'' 
 
 `` Oh come off it, you know I...'' 
 
 `` You're going to need to stay home and be utterly clueless.'' 
 
 Mark felt that his silence conveyed the `` fuck you'' better than saying it would. 
 
 `` Look, we happen to know that a pair of Mormon missionaries are approaching your apartment and we need you to keep their attention for as long as you can. We're moving in to extract one Jesus Cabrera from your building and we do n't want them spooking him.'' 
 
 `` How am I meant to-'' 
 
 `` You'll figure something out, Mark. I do n't need to remind you of the consequences if you fail to cooperate.'' 
 
 -Click- 
 
 Mark spat a curse and made his way towards the door to wait. Hearing footsteps in the hall, he preempted the knocking by opening the door and startling the pair with `` excuse me, sirs, can you spare a moment for Jesus?'' 
 
 The next 45 minutes would exhaust his not-trifling capacity for bullshitting.
