[ WP ] You 've lived all your life with tinnitus and one morning you wake up to the ringing gone . Describe your day

*God…* I think. 
 
 *5:30 already? * 
 
 I roll over and bury my head deep in my pillow. 
 
 `` I do n't want to get up'' I say aloud, as if I was a 6 year old speaking to my mother trying to wake me for school. I lean over the edge of my bed and tap the snooze button on my phone resting on the night stand. Rolling back over to bury my head inside my pillow and fall back asleep; something caught my attention. This strange sensation came over me and I could n't hear a thing but the creaking of the floor boards and the rustling of the wind outside. *It's gone*. Afraid, I sit up in my bed and looked around, pinching myself in disbelief. `` I must be dreaming'' I say, as if I was waiting for some part of my mind to respond through the vast waves of DMT to assure me that I was in fact asleep. 
 
 No response. 
 
 I throw my blanket off and lift myself out of bed, all too aware of the creaks that my feet are making on the cold, winter-worn hard wood flooring. Opening the bathroom door, wind rushed through the window and blows through my hair. I can hear it. It makes me uncomfortable and uneasy to feel the cold wind fill my ear canal. `` Fucking window'' I mutter, shutting it. I shake off the cold and hop in the shower, the steam always clears my mind and helps me wake up. I stand there with the warm water running through my hair, down my face and body, and still feel off. *I do n't understand. I'm not dreaming, I know that for certain. * 
 
 Getting out of the shower and toweling off, I stare into the mirror as though I'm trying to find something wrong with me to explain my current disposition. I comb my hair, brush my teeth, put in my contacts and walk back into my room. Grabbing my clothes, hanging on the door where I always put them the night before, I sit on my bed. I put on my pants; *left leg, right leg*. I drift into my shirt, buttoning from the top down; *one, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight*. I put my tie on and tighten it. It feels like someones hands wrapped around my already tense neck. Socks and shoes; *left foot, right foot. left foot, right foot.*. 
 
 *still not here…* 
 
 The anxiety rises as I grab my pack of cigarettes, bottled water and my car keys and head out the door. *Keys in the ignition, turn forward. * I start shaking as I pull a cigarette from its' pack and light it. Rain starts to fall; it's as though I can see each individual drop fall in slow motion from the sky. I continue my drive, turning on the radio. The static feels so familiar, but unnerving. *Where the fuck is the sun*. I ash my cigarette out the window and take a long drag, feeling the warm smoke burn the back of my throat. *Exhale*. I grit my teeth. *where the fuck is it? * I can feel the uncomfort turn into anger. The world feels so strange and threatening today. I feel like a child who's mother abandoned him on the street. *Why'd it have to stop? * 
 
 The freeway is packed: ants on their way to the anthill. I sit pressed against my steering wheel, cigarette in hand, the tension still building. `` Will you drive? Please! Skinny pedal on the right you dumbass!'' I yelled out the window. *I'm never this upset, not even when Jenna left was I this upset. Why ca n't it come back? * I honk my horn, as if it will make traffic move. The anxiety, anger and stress combine as I zone out in thought. 
 
 I arrive at work and look around the office. *Christ, these fuckin people are pathetic* I think as I walk up to my desk. I sit down and boot up my computer. *Jiggle the mouse, it makes it load faster. * My background pops up and I log in. Looking through emails, I delete them all without even looking to see who they are from. *Bunch of idiots trying to get me to do all their fucking work for them: fuck'em. * The phone rings, a customer wants to know why we have n't sent her what she ordered two days ago. `` Ma'am, we just processed your order yesterday as you ordered your items after our business hours on Monday. I can have it made today and tomorrow and send it out Friday morning and it should get to you any time between Wednesday and Friday of next week.'' I say, gritting my teeth. She wants it shipped today and at her front door Friday. `` Ma'am, I'm sorry. I ca n't speed up the process any faster. The best I can offer you is first class transport but it still wo n't be at your residence until Monday.'' My jaw hurts, I feel as if my teeth will shatter from the pressure if this continues. She demands that it be there Friday. She says that she ca n't believe that our company would let a stupid person like me work here. I should be fired. I should be shot. How dare I ruin her sons birthday. 
 
 *I hear it. My god. I hear it. Sweet jesus thank you so much. * The old familiar panned ringing has returned. I wipe a tear away from my eye: everything is ok. I lean back in my chair to kick my feet up on my desk, still on my headset with the customer listening to her complain. `` Yes. Yes. Yes ma'am. No, I would n't appreciate it either. Mhmm, yup.'' 
 
 I feel myself falling backwards, then nothing. Blackness. 
 
 
 I wake up dazed with coworkers all around me, Jenna kneeling on the floor asking me if I'm alright. Steven, are you okay? `` What… Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.'' What happened, did you fall? `` What? No. Yeah. I do n't know…'' *Where did it go? * The ringing stopped again. My heart started beating hard, as if it was trying to jump out of my chest. Jenna and the rest of the office are still huddled around me on the floor, her voice sounds like that of the teacher from the Peanuts. I can make out her saying … Your customer is still on the line… 
 
 `` What the fuck do you want.'' I say, answering the phone. Excuse me? `` You're fucking excused you rude, pathetic excuse for a human being. Do you realize the fucking nerve you have?'' My eyes twitch, the blood in my veins feels like fire. `` Fuck you!'' I smash my phone down. Everyone's looking at me. Jenna runs up. What are you doing? What the fuck is wrong with you? You need to leave, you're fired. `` Do n't worry cunt, I'll leave just like you did.'' I storm out the office, out of the front door and into my car. I break my rearview mirror. The silence is deafening. My skin crawls and my mind races. *I ca n't handle this. This needs to stop. * 
 
 I drive through the streets onto the freeway. *85… 90… 100… 115… 125… 130… faster. Faster. * Blowing by cars, taking off mirrors, smoking a cigarette I rage. I've completely lost my mind. I'm racing home. *Put the gun to your head and pull the trigger, underneath the chin to make the hole bigger*. I'm staring out the windshield, punching my dashboard. I look around paranoid, hoping that I can see it and bring it back to me. I stare out the window to the side of me; the police would like me to pull over. *I bet you would fuckers*. Pressing the gas, I take off. I drive and drive and drive, they chase and chase and chase. I ca n't hear what they say on their loud speakers; I do n't care. *Fucking shoot me if you want, I don ’ t even ca…* 
 
 I did n't even get to finish my thought before the bullet came out of my forehead. 

