[ WP ] at wedding of the woman you love , and you 're the best man .

I posted something like this a while ago, I guess as kind of a vent. Here: 
 
 I do n't feel that it is unreasonable to look for companionship. People often underestimate the need for the touch of another human being- a gentle caress, perhaps. A kiss on a good day. Someone with whom to share memories and new discoveries, who can show you things you'd never have found otherwise. 
 
 I'm not sure how my friend tracked this place down, this forlorn and decrepit manse clinging to the edge of eternity, but it has its charm. Of course it is condemned, so we were not allowed to go inside, but the weather was kind. We were able to marry my two best friends today, and even throw a killer reception on the front lawn before the fog came in. Now everyone has gone, including the caterers, and it is just me. I am the last. 
 
 Deep in my mind, I can feel an insidious worm of anger and resentment burrowing through my subconscious. Today should have been my day. I introduced them. She came to me first, and I to her. It should have been my ring on her finger. Those should have been my vows. I try not to feel cheated, a sensation I have struggled with since the day they informed me I was being squeezed out in favor of a potential future not even a fraction as old as mine. Even my therapist told me it was fate and that I should let it go. 
 
 I have done my best by them. Today I smiled for them, and briefly I was truly happy for them. I can do that sometimes, because ultimately it is n't about her. It is about they years that have passed since my first failure with a woman, and all the subsequent ones. It is about my loneliness, and my desire to share my memories with someone. Someone who can look me in the eye at the end of the day and say that I am still a good man. Not because I need the validation, but because it is sometimes nice to hear. 
 
 They tell me to get a dog. You ca n't have sex with a dog. 
 
 Today my friend married the love of his life. He was the last single friend I had. Every one of them had someone today. And I, the best man, could n't even find a date. They say the only cure for loneliness lies inside yourself. I fail to see how that makes any God damned sense. All I want is to know why I'm the spare. Why there are spares in this world, and what is so deeply wrong with me- virtually any other character flaw is compatible with someone, it seems. 
 
 I looked this old house up a few days ago. It seems this was once a rich neighborhood and no one really knows why the residents left. It is becoming a rich neighborhood again, and it seems every other house on the road back to town boasts a happy family. No one knows why no one came back here. It seems fitting for me, however. An abandoned man in an abandoned house. I could never afford it, but no one is coming to tell me to leave. The house seems comforted by the sound of my footsteps on its dark floors. I can stay here awhile and share my stories with the house. Perhaps I deserve some ridicule for wasting my evening talking to forgotten walls, but there is no one here to ridicule me. Even my enemies have abandoned me.
