[ WP ] The most tense situation in the world is interrupted .

`` Mr. President you have to decide now'' 
 
 `` Damn it do n't you think I know that'' 
 
 `` Sir, fifteen minutes'' 
 
 `` These nukes are landing regardless, there's nothing we can do about that now'' 
 
 `` We can fire back, take as many of them as we can with us'' 
 
 `` And go down in history as the nation that ended the world?'' 
 
 `` Sir I think we can safely assume that if we fire these nukes there wo n't be much in the way of history to go down in'' 
 
 `` I do n't think that's how you phrase it'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` History to go down in? I do n't think that's how it goes'' 
 
 `` The original is go down in history, the reverse is history to go down in'' 
 
 `` I think he's got it right'' 
 
 `` No, no I do n't think there's a reverse. I think you should have just said that there will be no one around to 
 remember'' 
 
 `` Gentlemen if we can focus'' 
 
 `` Right sorry sir'' 
 
 `` Sir, no president has ever been called on to make a decision this tough, but whatever you do, we're behind you'' 
 
 `` Who's this we?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, if he does n't fire the nukes I'm not going to be happy. Sir if you do n't fire the nukes, you're dead to me'' 
 
 `` I'm the opposite, if you do fire the nukes you're dead to me'' 
 
 `` Yeah so it should really be, no president…tough decision, but whatever you do you'll piss off half of us'' 
 
 `` You have just summed up politics in a nutshell'' 
 
 `` Sir, ten minutes'' 
 
 `` Is there any hope? For anyone?'' 
 
 `` Best case scenario, three percent of the population makes it'' 
 
 `` So if we do n't return fire, and the three percent make it, there might be a world out there to help them'' 
 
 `` Or if we do n't return fire the bastards may come and wipe out the three percent'' 
 
 `` Sir the clock is ticking'' 
 
 `` Hey everybody'' 
 
 `` Oh fuck'' 
 
 `` Who the shit is that?'' 
 
 `` We forgot to cancel the clown'' 
 
 `` Cancel the clown?'' 
 
 `` Yes, we thought things would be resolved and then we were going to surprise you with a clown'' 
 
 `` Why. I hate clowns'' 
 
 `` That was part of the joke sir'' 
 
 `` Why all the long faces? You know what always cheers me up? Smelling a nice flower. Come on guys, someone sniff the flower'' 
 
 `` Who ordered the clown?'' 
 
 `` Uh, that was me Mr. President'' 
 
 `` Well sniff the flower'' 
 
 `` Sir, I have reason to believe he will spray me with it'' 
 
 `` I know I think seeing such a thing would help me with my decision'' 
 
 `` Sir with all due respect, I do n't think it will help with your decision making'' 
 
 `` Oh?'' 
 
 `` I think you're just being really petty'' 
 
 `` Very perceptive, sniff the flower'' 
 
 `` Yes sir. Ah what the fu- what is this'' 
 
 `` Well I'm not a children's clown'' 
 
 `` Ah, I ca n't believe I'm going to die with…ah'' 
 
 `` Sir, five minutes'' 
 
 `` Two equally unbearable options'' 
 
 `` I'm not done my act'' 
 
 `` Someone get that clown out of here'' 
 
 `` Sir they're…they're calling us'' 
 
 `` Put them through'' 
 
 `` Hello Mr. President'' 
 
 `` Mr. President'' 
 
 `` I see you have n't quite received our gifts yet'' 
 
 `` They clash with out curtains, any chance of returning them''?'' 
 
 `` Man, the president is such a badass'' 
 
 `` I'm afraid that we have lost the gift receipt, you'll just have to make due'' 
 
 `` Damn it man this is n't a joke, this is millions of lives…'' 
 
 `` I'm not done my act'' 
 
 `` Sir please do n't make us detain you'' 
 
 `` I'm not done my act'' 
 
 `` Sir…ugh'' 
 
 `` The clowns got a gun'' 
 
 `` That's right, now the clowns got a gun'' 
 
 `` Do we really care we're all going to die…ah my leg'' 
 
 `` Next one's higher'' 
 
 `` Are those gunshots? Are you doing some sort of suicide pact?'' 
 
 `` Alright knock knock jokes. Knock knock. KNOCK KNOCK'' 
 
 `` Who's there?'' 
 
 `` Interrupting doctor. INTERRUPTING DOCTOR'' 
 
 `` interrupting doc-'' 
 
 `` You have cancer'' 
 
 `` Is that guy crying'' 
 
 `` Hey not cool man, Bill has cancer'' 
 
 `` Yeah and also we're all going to die'' 
 
 `` You're the worst clown ever'' 
 
 `` You ca n't just commit suicide before our nukes hit. That's not fair. You're being a sore loser'' 
 
 Oh no, I'm losing the crowd. Phone stuff. I'm great at phone stuff. 
 
 `` This is n't about wining or losing, this is about innocent lives'' 
 
 `` Here let me talk to him'' 
 
 `` Someone get this clown away from me'' 
 
 `` Let me talk to him'' 
 
 `` No, no'' 
 
 `` Hello'' 
 
 `` Who is this?'' 
 
 `` Who is this?'' 
 
 `` Stop that'' 
 
 `` Stop that'' 
 
 `` Man, that clown really knows how to do cartoonishly over the top accents'' 
 
 `` I'm warning you'' 
 
 `` I'm warning you'' 
 
 `` I-'' 
 
 `` I-'' 
 
 `` Screw you I have nukes'' 
 
 `` Screw you I- hello? hello? He hung up'' 
 
 `` Damn it man you've just killed everyone'' 
 
 `` And they said I'd never accomplish anything when I entered clown college'' 
 
 `` Call off the nukes'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Call off the nukes'' 
 
 `` Sir…'' 
 
 `` CALL. OFf. THE. NUKES'' 
 
 `` Sir we ca n't just call off the nukes'' 
 
 `` Then crash them into the ocean'' 
 
 `` But sir that's how Godzilla happens'' 
 
 `` Damn it just do it'' 
 
 `` But sir, why?'' 
 
 `` They made fun of my accent'' 
 
 `` Uhm'' 
 
 `` If we blow them up they'll die having gotten the last laugh'' 
 
 `` They really, really wo n't'' 
 
 `` I can not allow that. Redirect the nukes'' 
 
 `` Ok'' 
 
 `` Sir, the nukes, they've been redirected'' 
 
 `` But how? Why?'' 
 
 `` The nukes have been redirected'' 
 
 `` Sir, one of our subs, it's reporting movement. Near the impact site. Something big, it's heading right for them. Sir, 
 we've…we've lost contact'' 
 
 `` What have we done?'' 
 
 `` Sir one of our other subs…it's reporting movement as well. There's more than one, sir-'' 
 
 `` Hello everybody'' 
 
 `` Oh shit, we forgot to cancel the clown'' 
 
 `` Clown?'' 
 
 `` We got a clown for you. It was supposed to be for when you won'' 
 
 `` But I hate clowns'' 
 
 `` Yes sir, that was part of the joke'' 

