[ WP ] You have been given a magic sword . It has a reputation of getting it 's owners killed .

A long day of work made Miguel absolutely tired. He spent all day working in the Happyview Post Office, dealing with various customer complaints and arguments over the price of shipping. His feet hurt, his head hurt, he was hungry, and he was angry. Almost on cue, it began to rain. Miguel cursed under his breath. 
 
 Through the rain however, he saw it. It was virtually impossible to miss, as it was lit by neon signs that could surely been from space. Merlin's Magical Pawn and Loan, it had a neon outline of a wizard shooting out lighting bolts from his hands. As a fan of visiting pawn shop throughout the area, Miguel had to stop. How had he not seen this before? It had to be at least a few blocks from his apartment, so it must have been new. 
 
 As he walked in, Miguel was assaulted by a the various clouds of smoke that emanated from incense lit over the store. The lights were dim ( which seemed strange given the light show outside ), and standing there behind the counter was a very tall man, with a white beard that seemed to reach the floor. He wore a tattered denim vest and gray shirt under it. 
 
 `` Welcome,'' his voice boomed from across the room, `` to Merlin's Magical Pawn and Loan. How may I be in your service today, dear adventurer?'' 
 
 Miguel was taken aback. He did n't quite know what to say to the old man who looked mysteriously like a wizard himself. Looking around he saw lots of things that looked peculiar. Wooden shields, medieval-looking helmets, chainmail, and a number of weird cages behind the old man that he could n't quite see. 
 
 `` Um... just looking. Just got off work.'' 
 
 `` Ah, an adventurer looking for a purpose, looking for a path to go down! I have just the thing!'' He disappeared behind a curtain momentarily then returned with a long case. 
 
 `` Behold, Excalibur! The sword brandished by kings! By warriors! By leaders of men!'' 
 
 The old man opened the case to reveal a glistening sword that looked, in many ways, perfect. No nicks, no smudges, everything looked so pristine. The light reflected off of it to give it a sense of glowing. Miguel, who was far from the type to be even remotely interested in weapons, was enthralled by it. He was so enthralled that he even swore he could hear a faint voice in the back of his head. 
 
 `` Miguel, we are destined to meet.'' the voice said, ever so faintly. 
 
 `` How... how much?'' Miguel asked, meekly. 
 
 The old man paused, and gave Miguel a satisfied look. Behind him the cages shook and he could have sworn he heard growling and grumbling. There were things in those cages. 
 
 `` For you, young adventurer, there is no price, for Excalibur has called you! This is destiny! You can not put a price on destiny,'' the old man paused, `` you may, however, want to buy a tunic made from magical Armorican cotton and a health potion from the land of Punt. For you are about to embark on an adventure... OF A LIFETIME!'' 
 
 `` Oh.'' it was all Miguel could say. He began to second guess his choice in coming here, the old man sounded crazy. 
 
 `` On this eve, you shall make way for a city of pure evil, and slay the vile Ogre King name Murdok. The slaying of Murdok and his bride will lift the spell of evil that coats the city like a thick, dirty film. But know this, Excalibur has a mind of its own. Nine of the ten holders of the sword have perished, and chances it will lead to your demise are high.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, okay, no thanks.'' Miguel said, backing away quickly. `` I'm good, nice to meet you, but I've got work tomorrow. I have to open, no time for ogres or anything, ha ha. Maybe when I get some vacation time?'' 
 
 Quickly Miguel ran out of the shop and made way for his car. As he turned on the ignition, he looked up to find that the shop was gone, instead in its place was a boarded up building that used to be a Burger King. The neon lights, everything, was gone. Miguel breathed a sigh of relief, but also of concern, as he started to think he imagined the whole thing. He could n't have, he was wet from the rain, and the scent of the incense was still on his clothes... 
 
 `` Adventure! Let's go!'' the voice in his head called again. 
 
 Sitting there in the backseat was the case the old man had brought out. In the case, of course, was Excalibur. 
 
 `` Tick-tock, time's a-wasting! Let's slay an ogre king!'' 
 
 Miguel leaned his head against the steering wheel. There was no way out of this, the more he was against, the louder the sword spoke. Finally, he relented. 
 
 `` Alright, where's this evil city?'' 
 
 - - - - - - 
 
 FRESNO, CALIFORNIA 
 
 They stopped in front of Buck's Bar, a run down looking biker bar that seemed to have several dozen motorcycles in front of it. Immediately he smelled the cheap cigarettes and regret that came from Buck's. Miguel sighed again, pulling to a stop. Of course the ogre king would be a biker, and naturally he'd tower over Miguel like a giant. 
 
 `` He will be tall, but you are pretty short to begin with.'' the sword quipped. Excalibur had shown itself to be a bit of a smart-ass, which irritated Miguel beyond belief. 
 
 Reluctantly, Miguel got out of his car and went to grab Excalibur. The sword was huge and glimmered in the late evening. Of course, Miguel looked very out of place, he was a hair over five foot-five, had curly black hair and still had on his US Postal Service uniform. Slowly, he trudged up to the door to the bar, Excalibur leaning on his shoulder like a batter coming up to the plate. 
 
 Opening the door Miguel immediately regretted not calling into work sick that morning. Inside was a mob of bikers wearing red and green patches on their vests with the name `` OGRES'' prominently displayed over a green ogre riding a motorcycle on it. Everyone turned to look at their visitor, just as the music on the jukebox stopped. There was a pole in the corner of the bar where a half-naked woman danced in front of several other bikers. Everyone looked and turned to look at Miguel. Out of nowhere, a large bouncer came to stand right in front of him. 
 
 `` The fuck you want? And is that a fuckin' sword?'' the bouncer asked. This guy could break Miguel in half without much effort, he thought to himself 
 
 `` I'm looking for... Murdok.'' he replied, barely above a whisper. 
 
 `` Fuckin' speak up!'' 
 
 `` MURDOK!'' Excalibur shouted. `` GIVE ME THE OGRE KING!'' 
 
 From the corner of the bar where the stripper had been just a moment ago stood a mountain of a man. He was bald, covered in tattoos, and had a barrel chest. He slowly made his way to the front, the other bikers parting the way like Moses through the Red Sea. 
 
 `` Who the fuck you callin' an ogre, bitch?'' 
 
 `` Are... are you Murdok?'' Miguel squeaked out. `` M... Merlin sent me here...'' 
 
 Murdok got an angry expression and the rest of the bar pulled out their guns. They knew shit was about to go down, every time Merlin was involved shit went down. 
 
 `` What does he want this time?'' Murdok barked. `` Another beat down?'' 
 
 `` REVENGE, MOTHERFUCKER!'' Excalibur shrieked, and with that it flew out of Miguel's hands and lodged itself right into Murdok's head, killing him instantly. 
 
 Miguel gasped and pleaded with the bikers that he did n't do it, to no avail. He ducked as the bikers fired a volley of bullets his way, thanking the fact that Murdok served as a bit of a human shield. Excalibur then flew from Murdok's head and spun around the room, slicing and dicing bikers with ease. Bullets and blood covered the floor, and screams of pain and agony filled the room. The bartender tried to shoot the sword out of mid air with his magical blunderbuss, but missed and ended up disintegrating a random biker. Miguel covered himself as the chaos waged on around him, until the screams and moans ended. The whole scene had to last at least five minutes, although counting the time was the last thing on his mind. As he finally lifted his head, Excalibur dropped before him. 
 
 `` Ha! That was fun! The first leg of our journey has ended!'' 
 
 With that, Miguel grabbed the sword and ran outside, not taking any time to survey the damage around him. He slipped a little on a puddle of blood, falling forward out the door. Miguel knew he'd be a wanted man, not just by the police, but other biker gangs as well. He'd live the rest of his life in hiding, he just knew it. 
 
 - - - - - - 
 
 The story would n't normally end here, as it would go on. Excalibur would lead the way, cleansing the land of evil and hatred while giving Miguel the adventure of a lifetime. He would learn the ways of a true warrior, how to use a sword, how to become a gallant knight who fought for chivalry and everything that was right. Something, however, went awry. Magical swords sometimes miss things, and then forget to tell the sword holder about it. This time sadly was no different. 
 
 As Miguel threw Excalibur into the backseat of his car, he jumped in to start the engine. In the midst of this, the woman who had been dancing on the pole walked calmly to the car door, pointing her shotgun at an oblivious Miguel. 
 
 `` Oh wait, there was an ogre queen too!'' Excalibur exclaimed, surprised it forgot about her in the madness. 
 
 `` Wait, what?'' Miguel shouted in disbelief. 
 
 Those would be the last words Miguel would ever say, as the ensuing shotgun blast killed him instantly. There would be no more adventure for Miguel, no life changing quests, no saved princesses, no tails in his honor. 
 
 The next morning, Merlin awoke to find the case of Excalibur at the foot of his bed. Merlin let out a sad sigh as he got up and picked up the case. 
 
 `` I missed the ogre queen, the quest has yet to be completed. My apologies, sir.'' 
 
 `` It is quite alright, Excalibur,'' Merlin said in a sad, frail voice, `` there are always more adventurers to complete the task. We shall begin again.'' 
 
 With that, Merlin's Magical Pawn and Loan would open for yet another day, with high hopes of cleansing the world of evil and giving the public a great deal on strange items.
