[ WP ] `` Take your dragon-repellent with you , they get more common around this time of year . ''

`` No, no, swing it'round the front.'' Beepers said. `` He'll have to see it before he sees you, trust me.'' 
 
 Bibsy adjusted the strap so that the exceedingly large canister hung in front of him. He felt uncomfortable with the whole idea, but he could n't quite put his finger on the reason why. It was n't that it was dishonest -- well, it was dishonest, that was true, but that was n't what bothered him about it. He did n't actually remember why it was dishonest either, but since Beepers was doing it, he thought it must be. Bibsy was just glad they were on the same side. 
 
 `` Bit hard to walk like this?'' Bibsy stomped around and the canister bumped his knees. 
 
 `` Ok, fine, just carry it. You can do it with one arm, so you can still hold the torch.'' 
 
 `` But you're much smaller, maybe if you carried it, it would be easier…'' 
 
 `` How would that make it any easier?'' 
 
 `` Well, maybe you could drag it on the ground in front of you where it can see…'' 
 
 `` *Drag* it *in front* of me? Do you mean *push* it?'' Beepers sighed. `` Bibsy, you poor fool, do you *know* what would happen if this bumped into a *rock* that I could n't *see* because I was *pushing* it along the ground because you were too *lazy* to do your fair share?'' 
 
 Bibsy's brow furrowed as he thought hard. `` Er… explode?'' 
 
 Beepers slapped his forehead with his palm. `` No! How many times do I have to tell you, it's not going to explode! The thing is *empty! * Why would you even think such a thing is *supposed* to explode! Do you see the front?'' He tapped the large sign on the front of the container. In sloppily painted letters, it read'dragin repLant.' `` That says'dragon repellent!' When a dragon is hurling fireballs at you, what good would it be to have dragon repellent that *explodes? *'' 
 
 `` Oh. Boss… why are n't we bringing real dragon repellent?'' 
 
 `` Because there's no such thing as dragon repellent. But the dragon does n't know that.'' Beepers tapped his nose with his forefinger. 
 
 `` Oh.'' 
 
 Bibsy forgot to ask again why Beepers could n't carry the container. 
 
 `` Bibsy, you do the lifting, I'll do the thinking. We'll make a… great team.'' 
 
 They continued up the mountain pass. Somehow, Bibsy had been made the Steward of the Land of Stews, which meant that Beepers had to find an innocuous way to get him killed so that Beepers could become the new, rightful Steward. The plan was simple in principle: claim they were going to steal back the Stewsland Staff from the dragon's lair, solidifying Bibsy's place in history as the best Steward there had ever been. In fact, Beepers was hoping to solidify him so well that Bibsy would never move again. The dragon's job was easy. The difficult part was getting Bibsy to the lair. And of course, if Beepers could pick up a few things while the dragon was occupied with his companion, so much the better. 
 
 They soon came upon a glowing red portcullis in the side of the mountain. 
 
 The undefined uneasiness grew in Bibsy as they approached the entrance. 
 
 `` Ok, after you, like we planned.'' Beepers nudged Bibsy forward. 
 
 Suddenly, Bibsy could place exactly what had made him uncomfortable about this idea. 
 
 `` Boss, why do I have to go first again? What if the dragon sees me?'' 
 
 `` You're not going first, you're going second. You've got the repellent in front of you. Any dragon sees that, he'll get right out of your way. And you've got me to guard the flank.'' 
 
 Bibsy hesitated. 
 
 `` …Are you sure?'' 
 
 `` Sure I'm sure. Just make sure to hold the torch in front so the dragon can read the sign. Yep. There you go. I'll be right behind you.'' 
 
... 
 
 On the walkway below, a single point of light disappeared behind a pillar, paused, and then hurriedly ran behind the next pillar. A smaller figure was in the middle of the walkway a few paces behind the torch, strolling easily. 
 
 `` Would you stop doing that? We're still nowhere near the lair.'' 
 
 The figure holding the torch looked back and whispered, `` But I read that dragons are sneaky! They could get you when you least expect it!'' 
 
 `` First of all, you ca n't read. Second of all, do you know why they call it *the dragon's lair* instead of, say, *the lair where the dragon is n't? *'' 
 
 The first figure frowned. `` Well, I've never thought about it…'' 
 
 `` They call it the dragon's lair because *that's where the dragon is. *'' 
 
 `` Oh. I learn so much when I'm around you, Boss.'' Bibsy looked back and smiled. It was pathetic. 
 
 At that moment, Bibsy tripped and the canister hit the ground and rolled into a pillar. 
 `` Boss, careful! It might explode! I'll protect you!'' Bibsy tackled Beepers. 
 
 Beepers could n't stand it anymore. *'' Bibsy, for the last time, nothing is going to explode! `` * 
 
 A new voice purred from the darkness above. `` I would n't say that.'' 
 
 Their hearts stopped. Moments passed. 
 
 Although at first he wanted to seep into the floor, Beepers slowly raised his body off of the ground. There was nothing for it. As he stood, he channeled through himself the deep wells of courage that had flowed through his bloodline in ancient days, when goblin kings ruled over the world and the dragons were young and tame. Fire burned in his eyes as he threw back his head and cried into the darkness, `` I am Gondolfin Bartholomew Beepers Stout-shield the Third, Lord of the Far Hills! Conqueror of the Forbidden Lands! Blight of the Eastern Shores! Wielder of --'' 
 
 `` -- Excuse me,'' The voice above interrupted him as it resounded once more in the chamber, `` your name… what was the middle bit?'' 
 
 `` Bartholomew?'' 
 
 `` No, no. The one after that.'' 
 
 `` … Beepers?'' 
 
 Several little tufts of flame illuminated the tip of an enormous snout as they furled out of a pair of nostrils several times larger than the canister that now lay on the floor below. The creature in the darkness giggled. 
 
 Deflated, Beepers hung his head. He had n't even gotten to the best parts. 
 
 Feeling like he had to defend his companion, Bibsy stepped forward defiantly. He only had one fancy title to say, and after Beepers' display that now felt inadequate. He groped for a convincing lie and looked around for inspiration. His eyes fell on the canister. 
 
 `` And I am Bibsy, uh, Stewer of Stews --'' 
 
 `` -- *Steward, * you idiot --'' 
 
 `` -- Steward of Stews, Slayer of Drag --'' 
 
 Beepers' hands were instantly cemented over Bibsy's mouth. Time seemed to freeze. Two tremendous orbs of fiery red light pierced the darkness above them as the dragon slowly opened his eyes. Beepers wished again that he could melt into the floor, and indeed he felt the odds of that reality increasing rapidly. 
 
 `` Ah, what was that last part?'' 
 
 `` Er… we've got… dragon repellent…'' Beepers pointed feebly. 
 
 The dragon's eyes neared as he swung his head lower. `` And how is that working out for you?'' 
 
 `` Er…'' Beepers said. 
 
 The dragon turned to Bibsy. `` You said that dragons are… sneaky.'' 
 
 `` Er…'' Beepers said again. He was desperately trying to navigate to a course forward in this conversation that did not involve Bibsy speaking again, but his tongue seemed stuck in his mouth. 
 
 `` How about we play a little game,'' the dragon said. It was n't a question. 
 
 Beepers gulped. 
 
 Bibsy considered. `` Well, we were actually in the middle of something…'' 
 
 Light erupted into the chamber, revealing a beast of terrible size, larger than either had ever imagined possible. Dark red scales glimmered as the wall beside them exploded in fire and ash. Smoke billowed from the dragon's mouth. When they had regained their vision, the canister marked'dragin repLant' was no longer to be seen. 
 
 Bibsy looked around him then jabbed Beepers in the side. `` Psst, Boss, I think I misplaced the dragon plant. We might need another in case we do find a dragon when we get to the lair.'' He scratched his head. `` Though, come to think of it, I think I read that dragons are n't afraid of plants.'' 
 
 Beepers wanted to weep. 
 
 The voice above them spoke. `` The game is this…'' 
 
... 
 
 [ I'm sorry, that's all I can do for now! Might do a part 2 tomorrow. ]
