[ WP ] You are a shopkeeper in a video game and the player is trying to sell you various questionable goods .

I knew the moment he walked in that he was going to be trouble. 
 
 `` Welcome to Belethor's,'' I said, mustering up all the enthusiasm I could. 
 
 The adventurer stomped over to the counter, his mismatched armor clanging as he strode. There was no other way to say it. He looked... incredibly odd. Even stranger was the woman was trailing behind him, carrying what looked like twice her weight in weapons, armor, and a multitude of other curious items. 
 
 `` Oh shoot, my health is low,'' the strange adventurer muttered, and to my utter horror, scarfed down twelve bags of flour, seventeen apples, and a raw, uncooked side of beef. He ate them almost instantly, barely pausing to breathe in between. 
 
 `` Dammit, Lydia!'' The adventurer snapped after he'd eaten his fill. `` Why are you so slow? Come on now, hand over all my stuff so we can get this over with.'' 
 
 Despite being spoken to so rudely, Lydia only sighed. `` I am sworn to carry your burdens,'' she replied, sounding completely exhausted. I was shocked she had n't collapsed yet. 
 
 `` All right.'' The adventurer turned to me, about to begin the sale, when he suddenly seemed to remember something. Oh, wait a second! I forgot!'' With a flourish, he put a terrifying tribal mask. He grinned at me. `` Now I get ten percent better prices!'' 
 
 I stared at him in total disgust. `` Uh, no you do n't. Actually, you look so creepy, I'm going to charge you more.'' 
 
 The adventurer shrugged. `` I have, like, twelve million gold anyway. It was worth a shot.'' With that, he dumped an enormous pile of garbage onto the shop counter. 
 
 Wooden plates. Blank linen scrolls. Books so burnt they were illegible. A candlestick. Three toll skulls. Some bloody rags. 47 empty baskets. 
 
 `` I mean, I guess I'll take all of these. For... six gold.'' I agreed with a sigh. 
 
 `` Great. Now on to the real stuff,'' he said, and tossed something else up on the counter... by Akatosh, were those *dragon bones*? 
 
 `` Sir,'' I said slowly, backing away from the counter, `` I hope you're not trying to sell that to me...''' 
 
 He looked offended. `` What, these things? Of course I'm trying to sell them to you! They're incredibly rare!'' 
 
 I scowled. `` Sure, dragon bones are rare, but that's just because nobody in their right mind would try and slay a dragon. That does n't make them worth anything.'' 
 
 The adventurer leaned forward, putting his elbows on the counter, and smirked. `` My horse can climb vertically up a mountain and I can literally kill you by yelling at you. I transform into a werewolf and eat people when I get angry, I'm the leader of a group of assassins that would murder you in a heartbeat for screwing up their drink order, I killed every single vampire that has ever existed, and I singlehandedly lead the Stormcloak rebellion to victory. I think you're going to buy those bones.'' 
 
 I glanced at Lydia, who was standing sullenly behind him. She nodded sadly, confirming his story. 
 
 `` Okay, okay, fine,'' I grumbled, accepting the worthless, enormous bones. `` Now do you want to buy anything while you're here? 
 
 `` Yeah,'' the adventurer nodded. `` Gim me all your arrows, all of your lockpicks, all your health potions, a spellbook that will teach me to electrocute people, and this booze.'' 
 
 I crossed my arms. `` I ca n't sell you *all* of my potions and arrows, I have other customers...'' My voice trailed off when Lydia offered me a warning glance. 
 
 `` Fine, take it.'' I mumbled. `` But I never want to see you again.'' 
 
 The adventurer grinned. `` You were so annoying to deal with, I think I'm going to quicksave and then murder you with an axe to relieve my frustrations.'' 
 
 `` Wait, wha-'' 
 
 **'' FUS ROH DAH! `` ** 
 

