[ WP ] A schizophrenic falls in love with one of her hallucinations .

That buzzing grey blank, and the clearest parts come from different directions. Go here, do n't talk to him, buy that, do n't look at that. Too many people reminding me of too many rules, but remember the cereal. 
 
 Third aisle. Do n't talk to anyone unless bumped into. Self-checkout, and it's just a machine, just follow the instructions. 
 
 `` Dr. Farris will see you tomorrow. Janet will stop in this morning and I'll be by this evening. You do n't have to worry, you can stay home and relax, you have a lot of food, so you do n't have to go out and get more, and if you need more food, just call me.'' That seems confusing and like a week ago. `` Do n't leave home, and if you do, do n't go without your phone.'' We have always talked about not turning it off too. So many rules, and I'm not sure I remember the right ones each time. 
 
 `` I'm sorry, I'll watch where I'm going.'' Her face is grey and shiny and she does n't respond. 
 
 I recognize the cereal's name, but it seems too easy. Maybe this is the one that does n't taste good. Fortunately, I have a note in my wallet, and the names match. 
 
 The aisle is empty. If I leave now, all I'll have to do is smile in passing. I'm wearing my headphones just in case. Everybody has anti-social days. Smile, scan the cereal box, leave it on the bagging platform until I tap my card, smile. 
 
 Wait. 
 
 There is more than one cereal box with this name. I do n't know this box. It has something with holes on it. A honeycomb. I do n't think I know that. The box beside it has a blurry round apple. I do n't think I know that one either. The box above that is blurrier. I do n't have much time. 
 
 When I get to the end of the aisle, I walk into something that rattles. My fingers slip into the spaces of a grille. 
 
 `` I'm sorry, I'll watch where I'm going.'' I smile and turn away sharply, but now it's cereal time. Everybody is coming into the cereal aisle and there's no room for me to leave. 
 
 I ca n't find a place to stand, so I pace back and forth. Looking for something, that's all, but space, not cereal. Trying to remember what the box at home looked like. No cartoon character. No people. No sun. Fruit and flowers? But there are too many people and their carts are too long. I ca n't stop and think. It's like trying to cross train tracks, in between trains. 
 
 `` I'm sorry, I'll watch where I'm going.'' I see her smile back and she looks kind, but my breathing is getting faster. Then I find a gap front of the healthy section, the plain oats and bran that even I do n't eat, and I wait. 
 
 `` It's ok,'' he says in my ear. `` Shut your eyes.'' His voice is soft but close. He sounds trustworthy, so I shut my eyes and wait. Sometimes they say more, sometimes they quickly go away. I'm not sure what he'll do because I've never heard him before. 
 
 `` Breathe.'' He feels warm standing beside me, even though he does n't touch me. `` You have plenty of time.'' 
 
 The rattling shopping carts become quiet, but still I keep my eyes closed. 
 
 `` That's it, you're doing fine.'' His voice is a bit rough, but maybe that's because he's speaking so closely, just for me to hear. After a few breaths, he tells me `` This is the same cereal you eat every week.'' 
 
 I do n't know how he knows that, but I've been eating it every week for months. It's granola, and there are blueberries and vanilla blossoms on the box. The colour of the blueberries is so vivid, I'm surprised that I forgot it. 
 
 `` That's right. Now look at your note. Just look at the name.'' 
 
 I open my eyes just to a squint -- the name is blurry, but I read it. `` Very good. Now you know where to go.'' I do, I remember all the brand name boxes in the middle of the aisle, on a certain side. Yet when I hesitate, I feel a slight pressure on my elbow, and he gently guides me down the aisle, past an old lady with a shopping cart and another lady with a small child. There are more people too, but not too many at once. 
 
 `` See, nothing's wrong,'' he murmurs. `` Here you are.'' I pick up a box with blueberries and vanilla blossoms on the front. `` A heart-healthy choice!'' I even remember the bright red printing. 
 
 `` That's it. Now you have to pay.'' His hand on my elbow is firmer, and I feel myself standing up taller. `` At the end of the aisle, turn right. Look at the floor and keep going. You're almost there.'' 
 
 By the time I get to the self-checkout scanner, everything seems so clear. Dr. Farris also has a nice way of putting things in order but the man by my side is even better. I feel more comfortable with him, even though I do n't know him. He stays beside me when I get to the self-checkout, but once I start, he tells me `` you know this,'' and he says nothing more. I listen to his steady breathing while I buy my cereal. 1 quantity. 1 bag. The red button Pay. The green button Debit. 
 
 I tap my card to pay, and I realize I'm smiling. `` See, you did it.'' Finally, I turn to look at him, and I see a slim man my age, a bit taller than me, with grey eyes and a grey shirt, but they are a warm grey. He has the most beautiful smile. I'm surprised. I did n't think he'd be that good-looking. 
 
 `` Thank you. I'm Emma.'' This seems like something out of a movie. 
 
 `` I'm Sam. Nice to meet you.'' 
 
 `` Thanks.'' I feel a bit shy then; I turn away to grab my cereal. `` I'm so glad you were here to help me.'' 
 
 `` We're lucky. Usually I go to the place down the street, but this place is quicker when it's just one or two things.'' 
 
 I glance at his face then at the can of soup in his hand. He laughs and I join in, relieved that he is buying something so solitary. 
 
 `` I never buy much so I always come here.'' 
 
 `` Good to know,'' and we exchange another smile. It's a long one and I feel light-headed again, but in a good way this time. His eyes are such a clear shade of grey with dark edges -- I feel too shy to stare into them for long, though, so I look at his smile again, and I realize that I want to touch his lips. Usually I do n't think people's lips look warm. Sometimes their mouths just look like holes. If I notice someone's lips, I never want to touch them. I ca n't remember the last time I wanted to kiss someone. 
 
 But with him, I imagine it clearly. I do n't live far. He will walk me home, at least to the park at first. After a block or two, our hands will brush against each other, just by accident, but then we'll hold hand and not let go. We'll walk all the way to my building after all, and once we're done talking for a bit longer around the subject, he'll ask for my number, or give me his, and then we'll suddenly turn to each other and kiss. It'll be a bit clumsy because it'll be a mutual surprise, but we'll laugh, but instead of stepping back, we'll grasp each other more closely. 
 
 `` I do n't feel like soup after all,'' he adds. `` Just let me put this aside.'' I step away from the self-checkout area and I smile at the clerk even though she is n't smiling back. This does n't bother me, but I feel like I'm in the way, so I step outside. He's right behind me; he wo n't be long. 
 
 It's sunny and the sidewalk is crowded, but not like usual. The first moment, the colours, clothes, and faces cheers me up. The sun makes everything look softer and warmer, and everyone beams in golden light. And then I realize that I'm walking alone. 
 

