[ WP ] '' It was n't until later , when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead . ''

Staring at my ceiling, clutching my phone tightly, I knew I ’ d never sleep until she called. My room is a mess, my life is a mess, but my hands are clean. Visions of the scene that had transpired earlier flashed through my mind ’ s eye relentlessly, like a tic or a twitch. This inclination towards rumination has trapped me in my own mind my entire life. But earlier, earlier… if only I could relive that glorious scene for the rest of my life! The moment of triumph, the wave of validation that had washed over me as I fulfilled my purpose. And yet, after all my years of persistence, after pouring my heart into our relationship, all she could do was scream as I saved her. I should be happier, but the expression she wore on her face…it wasn ’ t right. She should have smiled, but she screamed. She should have thanked me and hugged me and kissed me like it was always meant to be, but she screamed. The men that were with her, the thuggish brutes that had put their arms around her, had laughed as they taunted her. She smiled as they teased her, but it was only a front. No one understands her like I do. She smiled but their words cut her deep, like hers had always cut me. The freshness of the memory allowed me to relive the scene as if I were still there. Their noses breaking under my fists, the screams. I had saved her. And yet…it wasn ’ t right. Why hadn ’ t she thanked me? Why hadn ’ t she cried in relief and held me? Instead she ran, instead she made the wrong expression. For years I had followed her, I had waited. For years I had told her how wonderful it would be when she finally recognized the love between us. She is just slow to come around. She always has been. Soon enough she will see the sacrifice I ’ ve made for us. For now, I ’ ll relive my triumphant emergence as her protector, my great validation. And yet…it hadn ’ t been right. Why had she screamed? I only got carried away in my moment of fervent passion…surely she understood. She always understood me better than anyone. After all, it was only later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, that I even knew they were dead.
