[ WP ] TIFU by getting reddit banned in the USA

It all started in /r/dogecoin. Word got out that the Federal Reserve had been hacked, and the U.S. dollar was now worth less than a tenth of one cent. Something had to fill in the vacuum, and Our Savior the Shiba Inu stepped up. Its value skyrocketed, and since I had been the biggest early investor, I suddenly found myself a multitrillionaire. 
 
 Three networking lunches later, I owned reddit. Still had trilions left over, and had blood-sucking advisors calling me day and night, outbidding each other for the right to manage my money. But instead of asking /r/personalfinance what to do ( they were still in turmoil over the currency change, and with companies folding left and right, none of the old wisdom made sense ), I made the biggest mistake of my life and put the question to /r/AskReddit instead. 
 
 Enter /u/dogecoin_dildomeister, who sent me a PM detailing the most insane idea I'd ever heard, but here I found myself with enough money to actually make it work: buy out the U.S. Congress and make reddit the new shadow government, myself the shadow president. 
 
 It was hard to think of a better idea. But I had to cover my ass and make sure everything was secure. I sent /u/dogecoin_dildomeister a nasty PM with a secret message encoded in it saying I was in and wanted advice. Together we beefed up reddit's cybersecurity to keep out the NSA. 
 
 Once Congress was bought, all that remained was to buy out Obama. Unfortunately, being a second-term president who'd spent his entire administration term already headlocked with Congress, he decided he had finally had enough. When my top Congressional associates approached him, he called an immediate press conference and disclosed the corruption of the government to the entire population. 
 
 Thanks, Obama. 
 
 Six weeks of armed uprising later, D.C. is burning. Monuments lie in toppled ruin. Redditors hide in underground bunkers and meet in secret, setting up temporary WiFi hotspots to share their latest ideas for advice-animal propaganda memes to spray paint on the broken walls of the city. They whisper their secret code words to each other and part ways never knowing if they'll live to see another day. 
 
 Yes, your honor, today I fucked up. And before I step forward from this platform and let this old noose tighten around my neck, I have but one more thing to say. 
 
 Much free. Very revolution.
