[ TT ] [ WP ] The King has sent you , a wandering mercenary , to slay the Dragon and bring the Princess home . However , upon arriving at the Dragon 's Keep , you learn the Princess was not kidnapped , but instead is a runaway .

`` Listen, are you listening?'' she demanded. 
 
 My eyes darted away from the shimmering, mirage inducing ruby scales covering the impossible mass of angry dragon long enough to glance up and up and up at the slim blond girl sitting on it's shoulder. 
 
 ``... oh yes, I'm listening.'' 
 `` Well, listen- er what's your name again?'' she hesitated and glared down at me. 
 `` My name is-'' 
 `` Nevermind, Listen!'' She took a deep breath. 
 
 The dragon snorted gently. The ground beneath my back rumbled and stones fell from the ceiling high in the darkness over head. I darted a glance at it's eyes. Slitted pupils, acid green and seeming to swim like a- 
 
 `` Mr. Pickles and I-'' 
 `` What?!'' 
 
 She shot to her feet and stomped once on the dragon's shoulder. 
 
 The pressure that had been pinning me to the cave floor did n't increase, did n't change at all, but I felt a needle of icy pain. I glanced down at the single claw lazily touching my breastplate. It was longer than my leg, curved like a hook and pressed against my skin through the armor my steel was supposed to offer. 
 
 I looked up at the dragon's enormous, inscrutable eyes. I took in the fiery pride of the girl perched on it's shoulder. I licked my lips. 
 
 `` Um... what I meant to say was'Excuse me, but who is Mr. Pickles, please ma'am?'''. The claw retracted with a shriek of tortured steel and I felt blood begin to trickle across my chest. The dragon's claw- talon- rested on my chest and tapped out a short tattoo on my breastplate. It left holes. 
 
 `` He's Mr. Pickles, STUPID!'' the girl shouted and pointed at the dragon. The dragon rubbed his neck against her entire right side as she spoke and the girl grabbed an outcropping of scale with a tiny fist to stay on. 
 
 `` Of course. My apologies.'' 
 
 `` ANYWAYS,'' she huffed and blew dirty blonde hair out of her face and looked expectantly at the dragon. It sat on it's haunches studying me with naked curiosity with it's dark green eyes. 
 
 She looked at the dragon, then at me. 
 
 `` You're about to kill me, right?'' I managed to croak after a moment. 
 
 `` Mr. Pickles gets so hungry you know. And you DID break in.'' 
 The dragon licked its lips and shifted it's shoulders. Sweat was already fleeing my body through every pore, but a different sort of sweat broke out on my upper lip and forehead. 
 
 `` I'd really rather you did n't.'' I tried to keep the self-pity out of my voice and it sounded pretty good. 
 
 `` I bet. Listen, you know how it is. Look at Mr. Pickles! See these wings?'' The semi-translucent, bat-like wings spread to their full insanity inducing span. Something snapped in my head. `` Nice, huh?'' she said with proprietary pride. 
 
 `` Yeah, I guess. I mean... you know. Well, I'd better not say.'' 
 
 A sudden wash of sulphur smelling air burst around my face and neck made me bite back a scream. I felt burns form on my neck and face. A giant slitted globe of the palest green filled my vision. The pressure on my chest disappeared. A pale hand pushed the dragon's eye aside and stepped up to me, glaring suspiciously. 
 
 `` What do you mean'you guess'?!'' she shouted. `` Mr. Pickles is the best dragon EVER!'' 
 
 `` Well, sure, I mean... no offense, Mr. Pickles, but how do you *know*?'' 
 
 The dragon stepped a few paces away disinterestedly and with a casual breath cooked a section of the stone wall to melted, glowing goo. 
 
 `` SEE?!'' She shouted, `` just LOOK at him! You see that?! Hah! You sound just like my *stupid* dad!'' 
 
 The dragon's neck rolled sinuously and I felt, literally felt, his irritated attention. *Somewhere else, * I thought, *anywhere else would be better than here. * The girl walked a calm circle around me. I did n't move, just kept laying there splayed out on the ground like a beached turtle. 
 
 `` Listen, my dad sent you did n't he?'' she asked imperiously. Apparently, you can be a dirty, barefoot thirteen year old and still be imperious if you're on top of a dragon. 
 
 `` That's right and-'' 
 
 `` Hush, Listen!'' I opened my mouth and the dragon snarled. Until then I had been afraid, sensibly and rightfully afraid. When the dragon's teeth came out, I skipped terrified and went straight to scared shitless. My mouth shut on it's own. 
 
 The girl looked me up and down. She stopped by my feet and sneered at my old, stinking and ragged boots. She started walking again, circling me. The dragon's tail twitched into a boulder, which cracked into several pieces. 
 
 Her eyes met mine. `` Some knight you are. Look at you, all dirty and whatnot.'' 
 
 `` Er, actually... I'm not a knight.'' 
 
 She stopped and her jaw dropped. 
 
 `` Not a knight?'' 
 
 `` Well, no...'' 
 
 `` How come?'' 
 
 `` It's a long story.'' 
 
 `` Summarize.'' 
 
 I glanced from the girl to the dragon and sighed. 
 
 `` OK, well. I, uh, came to the capital to train for knighthood- good money in it you know, solid employment and benefits and all- but apparently there are these written tests. Since I do n't know how to read-'' 
 
 `` You WHAT??'' she laughed, eyes bright with scorn. 
 
 `` That's right,'' I said indignantly. `` Not all of us are born with kings for dads, you know. Not everybody can afford educations and such.'' 
 
 `` Oh. Sorry.'' She said, lowering her eyes. The dragon looked away, somewhat sheepishly. 
 
 `` Anyway, they told me that sure I could be a knight but I just had to do this *one little thing* first. The captain of the King's Guard told me that you'd been kidnapped-'' 
 
 `` Ha! Mr. Pickles did n't kidnap me, stupid!'' 
 
 `` - that... look, do you mind letting me tell this story? It's hard enough, with the dragon and all, but with these interruptions...'' 
 
 `` Of course, please continue'' she said and sat down cross legged on the sand beside me. 
 
 `` Anyway, he told me that you'd been kidnapped by a dragon and that I could be a knight if I brought you back.'' 
 
 `` Listen, why'd you want to be knight anyway?'' she asked, tilting her head. Behind her the dragon mirrored the gesture. 
 
 `` Well, you know. After the wars, the fields were trashed. No work for farm hands. My family died when the sickness hit our homestead and since my girlfriend got killed when the village was burned, I figured I did n't have much to lose.'' 
 
 `` Oh no, I had no idea! I'm so sorry!'' Tears welled in her eyes and she patted my knee sympathetically. 
 
 `` Eh, that's just how life goes. So anyhow, here we are...'' 
 
 She coughed. I cleared my throat. The dragon curled up and began to lick between it's scales with a tongue so long and rough it could better be described as a prehensile tree trunk. 
 
 `` So-'' we both began, and at the same time stopped. Our eyes met and we both started laughing. 
 
 `` Listen,'' she said, `` I do n't think he's a bad sort. What do you think, Mr. Pickles?'' Mr. Pickles stopped, lifted his head, stared at me with a single eye and went back cleaning himself with a sound like steel on a grindstone. 
 
 `` Mr. Pickles thinks you're ok. You can stand up now if you want.'' 
 
 `` Wait... so you're not going to kill me?'' I asked, hope drumming blood against my eardrums. 
 
 `` Nah, you're alright. Besides, it's not right to kill people if they're nice. And you seem very nice.'' 
 
 `` Well, uh, thank you milady.'' 
 
 She shuddered and twisted to her feet. `` Ugh. Do n't call me that. It's gross.'' 
 
 `` It is?'' 
 
 `` Oh yeah. I *hate* being called'*milady*' and'*highness*' and all that. I'm just Bess. Call me Bess.'' She smiled and I felt the dragons rumble of approval through the floor of the cave. I sat up. 
 
 `` Ok, Bess.'' I looked down at the inch wide holes the dragon had put through my breastplate. No great loss, had n't served the guy I'd found it on any better. I pulled it off and threw it aside. Bess had walked over to the dragon and was scratching his eyebrow. 
 
 `` Bess?'' 
 
 `` Yes, Listen?'' 
 
 `` Uh, why do n't you want to go home?'' 
 
 `` Are you kidding? That place is so boring. Everyone always bowing and stuff. Nobody wants to *do* anything, they just want to *seem* like they do. I hated it. Then,'' she looked indulgently at Mr. Pickles who had rolled ponderously over onto his back and thrust his chin under Bess' hand, `` Mr. Pickles found me in the forest one day. We bonded instantly and I knew I did n't *have* to go back ever again. And I wo n't. You ca n't make me, you know.'' She looked at me defiantly again and the dragons eyes opened and focused sickeningly on mine. 
 
 `` Oh, I know.'' I said quickly. 
 
 `` Good.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, so I think I'm just gon na get going now. Not much reason for me to stay, since I do n't want to be knight anymore.'' 
 
 `` You do n't?'' Bess asked curiously. 
 
 `` Nah, it's not all it's cracked up to be.'' 
 
 `` Really?'' 
 
 `` Oh no.'Save the princess' they say.'Be a HERO', they say. Heh. No thank you.'' 
 
 `` So... what are you going to do now?'' she asked, tilting her head to the side. 
 
 I looked at the girl, scratching the dragons chin as his eyes rolled back in pleasure and then looked out of the mouth of the cave. 
 
 `` Thought I might give adventuring a go. See a bit of the world, you know?'' and as I said it, I realized I meant it. Anything, anywhere would be better than what I just tried to do. Had to be easier, too. I stood up and turned around, heading to the mouth of the cave with something like shaky dignity. 
 
 `` Listen?'' 
 
 I stopped and turned around. 
 
 `` Can we come?'' asked Bess in a small, shy voice. 
 
 I stopped and turned to face her. 
 
 `` Well of course you can come.'' 
 

