[ WP ] God decides to judge humanity one final time before the Apocalypse , so he opens a retail shop to observe them from a cashier 's perspective .

The door jingled as you pushed it open, the afternoon traffic having dwindled to a dull roar. I looked up from the paper I was reading and set it aside. PRIME MINISTER CAUGHT IN PROSTITUTION SCANDAL was splattered across the page in big, black letters. My, the world had certainly changed since I last visited. 
 
 At first, you took a hesitant step into the shop. How could you not? A store such as mine does n't appear often. Or at least, I *hoped* it did n't - I wanted to see how you'd handle a shock to your sensibilities. A second later, you seemed to have made up your mind. You went past the lubrication aids I set on the display ( let me tell you, Mary loved those ) and took a quick glance at the blow-up dolls ( Joseph never did like the blonde, go figure ). You confidently strode past the shelves of instructional DVDs and magazines meant to make eyes bulge and muscles stiffen. Finally, you walked to my counter with the resolve of a woman who would break the gates of heaven itself. `` Excuse me, but do you have some, um, chains in store? You know, for...'' 
 
 `` Ahh, chains! Let me see...'' I made a show of rummaging through the box behind me. It's a useful trick. `` Here you go.'' Ah, the miracle of my creation - all of you are beautiful, even as you blushed and hid your innermost desires. 
 
 `` Oh, its...'' Crestfallen at the price, you hesitantly handed it back to me. So close to the edge, yet you made the mistake yet again! Perhaps he was right. Another chance, then. 
 
 `` Ah, it's on the house!'' There we go! Joy always suited you. I wrapped the box in brown paper and handed it to you as your brain attempted to give voice to a protest. `` Hup! Let me know what you think, then if you're happy with it, come back - we'll settle it then.'' 
 
 Relieved, you practically ran out of the store. I could have peeked into your thoughts, seen what lewd matters ran through your mind, but I'd rather not. Eden taught me a few lessons ( and besides, Yeshua would never let me hear the end of it ). As the door closed, I smiled at the memories. 
 
 If Lucifer could n't break those chains, I would be very interested in someone who could. *Very, very interested. *
