[ WP ] You perform a ritual to summon a demon , but instead get a `` Demon in training '' .

One eye of Newt... 
 Two hairs of a sewer rat... 
 Five eyelashes of a bitch ( I hope my ex's will do, haha )... 
 One heart of a vampire bat. 
 
 *The internet is amazing*! 
 
 `` Timete Noctem.'' I hope I pronounced that right... as I drop the match on the pile smoke billows from the flame. The room is shrouded in darkness, I feel both terror and excitement. `` I am so going to get my revenge.'' As I say it aloud I feel empowered by the words and clench my fists tightly. 
 
 `` Oh, hello.'' The demon says in a nasally voice. 
 
 `` What the fuck?'' Did I do something wrong? 
 
 `` Is everything ok? Master?'' His glasses slid down his face and he continually pushed them up... it was getting frustrating watching him. His posture was terrible. He looked like a mix between Woody Allen, Mort from `` Family Guy'' and a Minotaur, but short like Droopy the dog... 
 
 `` I was expecting a demon, you look like a confused man had sex with a diseased animal.'' I began to immediately look for a spell to send him away, or pawn him off on someone else. *Once the demon is summoned he will do your bidding until the job is complete*, the text read. I continued skimming, *if the demon can not perform the task they will stay with you until it is done, they can not be transferred to another* — well shit. 
 
 `` Ah-choo! Ugh, do you have a cat in here? I'm allergic to cats.'' 
 
 `` Well that is just fucking great. My ex has a cat, I was hoping you would eat it. She said she could n't be with a man that did n't like cats. I probably have some hair on my hoodie.'' Great, a demon with allergies. `` So, what kind of demon is allergic to things?'' 
 
 `` Oh, I'm not a full fledged demon. That's why I do n't have wings or a pitchfork. Or that really neat tail and fangs.'' 
 
 `` Then why are you here? I summoned a demon.'' 
 
 `` Well, actually, you summoned an apprentice. Only warlocks or sorcerers can summon demons. You are n't one of those are you? Because if you are, then your incantation needs work.'' 
 
 `` Who the hell are you? You are n't even tall enough to scare anyone. You look like you escaped from a pharmaceutical company.'' He had snot running down his nose. Patches of hair missing... He was grotesque I will give him that.'' 
 
 `` Do you have a humidifier? I ca n't stand this dry room. It is making my skin all itchy, I have psoriasis. I'm seeing a witch doctor about it on Monday.'' 
 
 `` Look, I just need you to eat a cat, maybe scare my ex and then let me vanquish you so I look like a hero. Think you can handle that?'' 
 
 `` Oh, no, my allergies wo n't allow that. I would swell up like a balloon if a single hair touched my flesh. I've already tried Benadryl, Allegra, Claratin, and Zyrtec.'' His glasses sliding down his face... again. 
 
 `` Well what can you do?'' I asked irritatedly. 
 
 `` Oh, well, when I eat sushi I get really gassy, but not just regular gassy, it's really gross.'' 
 
 `` I think I made a mistake...'' 
 
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 Edited: Typo
