[ WP ] `` I do n't care if it 's an eldrich being from another dimension , I love him ''

`` I do n't care if it's an eldritch being from another dimension, I love him!'' 
 
 `` Well, which is it?'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry?'' 
 
 `` You said'it', and you said'him'. Make up your mind, darling'' 
 
 `` Well, I mean, I guess there's no, like, *definitive* gender, but I, like, totally feel like he's a he''. 
 
 `` Sweetheart, he's a ten-foot-tall writhing mass of tentacles dripping with what's either a highly acidic form of perspiration, or the blood of his victims. Either way, he's not hygienic *or* sanitary, and we just... we do n't think he's right for you..'' 
 
 `` You're always doing this to me! Ugh. Why is nobody I ever date good enough for you?'' 
 
 `` We say these things because we love you, do n't you see? And your taste in partners is, you have to admit, a little....*eclectic*'' 
 
 `` No it is n't! Ugh. Just because I, like, see through the exterior to, like, the beautiful interior beneath. Just because I **love** them so much, and *you* ca n't handle it.'' 
 
 `` Darling, your last three exes were a werewolf permanently stuck in wolfman form, a fish creature that constantly dripped brine and seaweed everywhere, and a cardboard cutout of David Hasslehoff you formed a bizarre attraction to'' 
 
 `` You do n't understand me! You do n't know me! You do n't know my love! You're old, and boring, and you do n't know what true love is!'' 
 
 `` Now that's not true, young lady, and you know it!'' 
 
 `` You know what? I do n't care. I'm done. Me and Flarg-Noggoth are eloping!'' 
 
 `` Now, dear, you know we ca n't let you do that. And no, we do n't care that you want to. It's just... you know we promised you to the Dread Lord Ribowfrods when you were young, and the day of the wedding will soon be upon us...'' 
 
 `` But..'' 
 
 `` No buts, darling. You and Flibbi-whatever will just have to accept you ca n't be together, and that's it. You've just got cold feet is all. Now, go with the handmaiden here, and she'll take you away to begin the Rite of Unholy Corruption..okay?'' 
 
 ``....okay'' 
 
 `` Attagirl. Love you, peanut''
