[ WP ] A villain attempts to start a pandemic to end the world , but accidentally cures humans of disease .

When Lady Fatale finally found her boyfriend, moisture was dripping down the bathroom mirror like it was caught in a summer rainstorm. She switched on the fan and began groping her way through the steam, towards the sound of running water that almost drowned out the faint sobbing. One stubbed toe on a bathroom scale later, she found Doctor DNA curled up on the shower floor. 
 
 “ I don ’ t suppose you were waiting for me to join you? ” she said as she reached to turn the water off. Switching it to cold crossed her mind, but she thought better of it. 
 
 “ You heard, didn ’ t you? ” 
 
 She sighed. “ Yes. It ’ s all over the news. ” 
 
 “ Did they discover the message? ” 
 
 “ I don ’ t know. But they know it was you. ” 
 
 “ Gentlemen of the United Nations, ” he intoned, “ by now you ’ ve discovered the terrifying effects of Forced Evolution. Beautiful, isn ’ t it? The way the slightest change to chromosomes, the tiniest tweak in our blueprints can twist the flesh and mutate the mind. The virus is contagious, untraceable, and quite expensive—if you want the antidote. 
 
 “ I wrote that my sophomore year. I used to doodle pictures of limbs-turned-tentacles, eyestalks, mandibles... ” 
 
 “ And now you ’ ve cured cancer, ” she finished. 
 
 “ *Everything*, ” he said gravely. “ Although it ’ ll take another week to confirm the common cold. ” 
 
 Lady Fatale draped a towel over his shoulders and kissed his forehead. “ It ’ ll work better next time, hun. ” 
 
 “ There is no next time. I spent eight years on the equations alone, eleven months double-checking it. This was my one shot. ” 
 
 A ringtone echoed through the bathroom; it was her “ Unknown Caller ” song. 
 
 “ Don ’ t answer, ” he murmured. “ I shut mine off an hour ago. Someone leaked it online. It ’ s been nothing but interviews, job offers, and “ Thank you, oh, thank you ” for hours. ” 
 
 “ Job offers is good, ” she said carefully. He ’ d always been sensitive about living off her earnings. “ And interviews, I mean, it ’ s still publicity. You ’ ve got your name out there now, at least people know you *can* cause a worldwide phenomenon. So what if the Cronenberg Strain was a bust? You still have—what was it—'' The Metallic Marrow Virus'', right? You ’ ve been hinting at that one for a while now. ” 
 
 “ But what ’ s the point? No matter what I do, I ’ m still the man who invented the Ultimate Cure. The Metrocity Globe called me the ‘ Final Doctor ’. ” 
 
 “ That ’ s just it! Now imagine the betrayal, the despair when your next virus is really bad. It will make this whole thing just look a calculated step in psychological warfare. ” 
 
 “ You think so? ” 
 
 “ I know so. Now, let ’ s get you dressed and we ’ ll go to Bertonelli ’ s tonight. After all, it ’ s a special occasion. ” 

