[ WP ] You are awoken from cryonic sleep ten million years in the future by an evolved version of a modern animal ( or animals )

Licking. Something was licking my face. The wetness was repulsive but I could n't do a thing about it. 
 
 *Wait. I'm feeling things! That means -* 
 
 My finger twitched. I was coming out of Cryosleep. Whisked away from whatever I was dreaming for the past decade. We must've made it to Europa by now... If only I could open my eyes. If only I was n't being licked incessantly. 
 
 My eyelids started to flutter. Shadows were before me, figures hunched over. Examining me. I still had no idea who or what was licking me, or why, but it soon stopped. I figured maybe it was Rex or Max, or any of the the other sniffers under Charlene's care. Maybe it was a cruel little prank. 
 
 *Ass hats... * 
 
 The cool air ran against my slobbered face. It was cold. I still did n't know what I was in for. 
 
 `` What the heck is he?'' 
 
 *Well that's not nice* 
 
 `` He smells weird.'' 
 
 `` Is he an Ape?'' 
 
 `` He does n't taste like one of them that's for sure!'' 
 
 *... What? * 
 
 Something was n't right. That did n't sound like Charlene, or Arn, or Willy or anyone else from the expedition. I had to come to. But in the back of mind I thought maybe it was safer to play dead. It did n't work, of course. A shadow moved right up to me and licked me from chin to nose. Drool filled my nostrils. I could taste it on my lips. Like a mix of bad bacon, shoes and month old milk. 
 
 I reeled back. That concoction was the kick I needed. 
 
 `` He's coming to! Lick him again!'' 
 
 *shit* 
 
 The licking intensified. I tried to raise my head but barely had the neck support. The only thing I could do was identify my rescuers, if I could even call them that. With all my might I fought my eyelids, fluttering like crazy until finally I could see. 
 
 A long haired guy was hunched over me. He made a big smile on seeing me awaken... too big, in fact. An impressive row of teeth greeted my stirring with an almost childish sense of glee. The guy behind him seemed thrilled too. His mohawk suddenly raised itself up, like a... like a crest. I could n't make em out too well, with my eyesight still needing to adjust and all. 
 
 `` Oh boy oh boy he's alive he's okay!!!'' 
 
 The long haired guy jumped up to his feet, and kept jumping up and down on the spot. He frantically called his buddies over. He was practically having a fit. 
 
 `` Guys guys guys! Woooo! Woooo! Arrrooooo!'' 
 
 I tried to pay no attention to his calls, thinking it to just be some yelp of excitement. They were awfully grating though. I started to raise my head, but I felt a squirmy hand on my chest. 
 
 `` Woah buddy, you've just come out of hibernation for who knows how long!'' 
 
 `` Yeah, thank the Owners you made it!'' the mohawked guy said. 
 
 `` Am... am I on Europa?'' was all I could mutter, painfully. 
 
 `` You're a pa? Where's your litter?'' 
 
 I looked to the speaker with confusion. He seemed green. I chalked it up to the cryo-nap. 
 
 `` No... the... the moon?'' 
 
 `` Moon? I used to know a Siamese babe called Moon back in the academy. Did you go to the academy?'' 
 
 The green guy leaned in closer. I could see his eyes were... larger than they should be. My vision was slowly coming back. I was regretting that. 
 
 My sense of smell meanwhile returned with force. And he smelt awful... 
 
 `` Did ya... did ya mate with her?'' 
 
 Now that's a weird use of the term. I slowly heaved myself up, blinking madly to try get my eyesight back. 
 
 `` C'mon Ribbit, I do n't think he'd go for Mewlers.'' Said the mohawk'd one, while the long haired guy returned with his friends. 
 
 `` Ya know that's racist, ya damn squakbox!'' A petite woman wearing cat ears shoved the mohawked guy out of the way. She hissed something at him that I could n't discern, until I later realised it actually was a hiss. 
 
 She took one look at me before doubling back in horror. My eyesight slowly came to around the same time. It took me a minute to realise what was up. 
 
 The long haired guy tilted his head at me, some of his hair falling to one side. Then I realised that was n't his hair. 
 
 Those were his ears. 
 
 `` You alright buddy? Mmmrrr??'' He inched closer. His scraggy facial hair smelt like socks. That started to make sense. 
 
 `` Titus, stay back!'' The cat-eared girl pulled him away. Yup, those were her actual ears. `` He's... he's....'' 
 
 `` He's an Owner.'' A wise voice called out. I looked over my shoulder, my jaw dropping with awe. 
 
 A walking octopus came over to my side. A fucking octopus, wearing what looked like a suit and a re-breather. His legs seemed human enough, till I noticed the ball-jointed ankles. Prosthetics. 
 
 `` Hello there, I am Doctor Theodore Tendril...'' 
 
 `` You're an octopus'' That was pretty much all I could muster. 
 
 `` Y... yes. If we're going to be politically correct though, I'm an Octo Sapien, descended from the very ancestral being you refer to. Much like Titus is a Fido Sapien and Ribbit's an Amphibio Sapien.'' 
 
 `` Sapien??'' I could n't understand why they used the term. What they soon told me made sense. Though he had no lips, I felt like the doctor before me was... smiling. He took me to his office, whereby everything started to make sense... sorta. 
 
 It turned out that my little research shuttle never made it off the Earth's surface. It crashed into the ocean as soon as it had liftoff. No one was able to mount a rescue mission in time because World War V erupted that day, and the launch facility was one of the first targets hit. In the time I was out, mankind fought itself to the death and vanished. The products of their genetic experimentation, an attempt to create human-animal hybrid super soldiers, escaped into the wild and bred with nature. The Hybrids were very'active'. Within a few hundred years they altered the gene pool the old fashion'd way. A `` humanoid codex'' was passed on through their genes, effectively sealing the evolutionary fates of a large number of mankind's species. 
 
 Taking this all in was quite a chore. I had no idea what year it was and neither did they. Or at least, they had no idea what the year would be for MY calender. To them it was the `` Ninety-hundredth-thousandth and ninety-nine-hundredth and ninth'' year of St Bernard's Victory over the Robopublic; who were mankind's old AI servants. The robots took it upon themselves to try rule the world in our absence, until the organic denizens of Earth wizened up. 
 
 `` So... I missed a few things...'' I had to take a seat. I was the last living thing not covered in fur, scales or feathers. 
 
 The Octopus, Dr Tendril, lent in closer to me. He did n't smell so bad. To be honest I kinda felt like calamari at the time. 
 
 `` Tell me, how long do you think you've been out?'' He asked me, raising a quizzical brow. Or at least the closest thing he had to a brow. 
 
 I could n't give a straight answer. 
 
 `` Judging by our carbon dating techniques of your crashed shuttle, I'd say it's a fairly big number'' Tendril said `` Even for you.'' 
 
 I thought of that number he gave. The year according to them... Ninety-hundredth-thousandth and ninety-nine-hundredth and nine. If that's what number I think it was, that was already *too damn high*. Give or take a few hundred thousand millennia for their accelerated, semi-altered evolution to get them to where they are now and that would be the scale of my predicament right there. 
 
 I supposed I had to get use to life here as the world's only human. It'd be hard, integrating into a strange society that was once beneath you. One where some of its denizens worshiped you while others reviled you. Where you'd have to get use to the difference in culture, in biology, in values. Where some nights would get real lonely, and suddenly as a human you'd have no outlet for those sorts of desires and urges... 
 
 *Unless... * 
 
 `` So, seeing as we're not... that far apart evolutionarily speaking, could I still... you know...'' I had my needs. 
 
 It took a minute for him to process it. I think that minute was mostly him trying to find other alternatives to what he already knew I was saying. Hoping that he misunderstood me. 
 
 `` With... a female of any kind?'' I clarified. 
 
 The good doctor's tentacles retreated inwards as his skin changed hue to match the walls, reeling back with haste. His expression could only be described as'mortified'. 
 
 `` I'll take that as a no.'' 
 
 Guess life was gon na be pretty lonely here.
