[ WP ] The human soul is a confirmed , measurable entity that enters everyone after birth . You have finally come to the realization that yours never showed up .

It's on the news. On the radio. Everywhere. But I refuse to believe it. After all it has to be some spiritual bullshit. Right? I mean, I can not be the only guy in the world who is lacking a soul. An empty shell of a human being. A husk. A facade. A masquerade. 
 
 So I turned my pockets out. Nothing. 
 
 Checked under the couch, between the cushions. I found a few dollar coins that nobody uses and a couple of old business cards. 
 
 I checked in the pantry. And under my bed. I searched in the closet. Things were starting to get hopeless. 
 
 So I walked down to the corner bodega, bought a couple of bags of Lays chips. The extremely boring kind. I slammed them down on the counter. It crunched beneath my finger tips. 
 
 After a few hours of searching and calling everyone I could think of I was starting to get really depressed. So I went to The Kiev. And ate breakfast. And as I was walking down 2nd Avenue, towards St. Mark's Place where all those people sell used books and other junk on the streets. I saw my soul lying there on a blanket, some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty two bucks but I talked him down to seventeen. 
 
 I took it home. Washed it off. And put it back on. 
 
 I was happy again. Complete. 
 
 People sometimes tell me I should get my soul permanently attached but I do n't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass. 
 
 I like having a detachable soul.
