[ WP ] You are tasked with conducting the funeral of the human race .

“ Bro! ” The sound startled me out of my sleep. “ Max, you have to come see this! ” My eyes half-opened to see my friend ’ s blurry outline. I was half asleep, but more importantly, I was hungover, and in no mood to be woken up. When I felt my him try to shove me awake, I slapped his hand away. Then he decided to manually open my eyes. “ Dude, this is really important. ” I groaned and decided, y ’ know what, fuck it, I ’ ll humor him. Bad call. 
 
 Jason was standing there holding his laptop wide-open. In big, obnoxious, Microsoft Paint designed icons were the words: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE LAST PEOPLE ON EARTH! Followed were instructions. Lots of instructions. Too long to read. I looked back at Jay. 
 
 “ We ’ re not the last people on Earth, ” I said, tiredly. “ It ’ s a pop-up. Go away. ” I started to lie back down when Jason decided to shake me. 
 
 “ No, you don ’ t understand. I ’ ve been to all our friends rooms to show them this, no one ’ s anywhere, man. ” His voice was panicked. I couldn ’ t believe he really believed this bullshit. “ The TV doesn ’ t work, I called my mom, my dad, all my family, and no one ’ s picked up. Dude... ” His voice trailed off. Was he really about to cry? Please say no. “ I think it ’ s true. ” 
 
 “ Okay, so what does it want us to do? ” I got up, once again, and grabbed the computer from his hands. Leave a message for future civilizations to where humanity ’ s last stand was, with a quote that you feel best describes our achievements. “ Dude, I don ’ t even know. You got any ideas? ” 
 
 “ None, whatsoever, ” Jason said. We laughed for a bit. “ We could smoke a little, see if anything pops into our head. ” I stared at him in disbelief. Smoking. When everyone else was dead, the last of humanity decided to get high. I couldn ’ t help bursting into laughter. 
 
 “ Sure, ” I chuckled, “ Why the fuck not? ” 
 
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 When future civilizations looked through the abandoned college dorm that Jason and Max had lived in, their findings were quite strange. They found the boxes used to keep food cool primitive at best, and the one to heat food up hilarious. The boxes full of lights made no sense to them, and the spongey squares that they found the bodies on were strange and non-absorbent. Stranger still was the poster with the drawings on it, with words in big, obnoxious, comic sans letters: 
 
 “ Fuck bitches. Make money. ”
