[ WP ] The world 's last religious man lies on his deathbed .

`` Dude, what do n't you understand, you can die right now, and there might be eternal life out there for you, but, we can just fix you up right now, and you'll be certain to live forever here, its simple logic, do n't be a moron.'' 
 
 `` NOOOOOOO, YOU IS ALL GOIN TO HELL!!'' 
 
 `` No, no, how many times do we have to tell you, we've achieved utopia, none of us are going to ever die, therefore....'' 
 
 `` John'', says the other doctor, `` just let him die-'' 
 
 `` No! You promised you'd let me talk to this one, okay?'' 
 
 `` Whatever, your time you're wasting.'' 
 
 `` Well, the computer says you are seconds away from dying, want to reconsider?'' 
 
 `` NOOO, I REGRET NOTHINGGGGGGG!!'' 
 
 At that moment, the heavens opened up, and an angel descended down into the room. 
 
 `` Hello, Tom, of the Westboro Baptist Church we are happy to announce, you are the last person to die! How does that make you feel?'' 
 
 `` Did I make it? I sure hated on all those gays for you, have I avoided the lake of fire? Do i finally get my salvation?'' 
 
 `` No, silly, of course not, YOU, are the one going to hell, just like everyone told you. Now, if those are to be your last words, allow me to.....'' 
 
 In that moment, the shocked doctors slammed the button on the control panel. Machines around Tom quickly went to work, stabalizing his condition right on the brink of death. The angel faded away instantly. 
 
 `` Guys, you've saved me! I accept your gift, I repent for-'' 
 
 `` You thought we were actually going to save you? Nah, this way, much funnier, now, not only will you die, but, you'll die knowing the truth. See Fred, told you sticking around would be a good idea. Now, unhook the machine, he can die now.'' 
 
 `` NOoooo....'' 
 
 Once the machine disconnected, nature took its course, and Tom, his strength quickly fading without technology to keep him alive, died with fear on his eyes, hating the world right until his death. 
 
 `` Anyway John, watcha think, want to build a portal to visit heaven now that we know it exists? This will create quite a stir in the scientific community.'' 
 
 `` Nah, lets do that in the next hundred years. Now that all evil is gone from the world, Half-Life 3 just came out. I've been waiting to play that for almost a century. Let's play it at your place, also, I won the bet, we did get the last word on that guy, so, I get to play it first.''
