[ WP ] `` Being dead for six months was n't part of her plan , but it was a spectacular amount of cheese . ''

The man walked in wearing a tailored, dark suit, with a tall, dark hat, and small, dark shades. Jenna gave the man a look of bewildered curiosity. She wondered why a man like him asked a woman like her to meet in a place like Dairy Queen. She stood up to shake his hand, but he instead gestured her to stand behind him. He approached the counter, Jenna trailing behind. 
 
 `` Good afternoon! Welcome to Dairy Queen-'' 
 
 `` What is the most unassuming item on your menu.'' 
 
 `` Excuse me?'' 
 
 `` What flavor would you glance at, and forget that it, and the person eating it, had ever existed.'' 
 
 `` I... I do n't know. Vanilla is pretty popular, I guess.'' 
 
 `` I did not ask for popularity. Popularity begets acknowledgement, begets notice.'' 
 
 The girl at the counter grew quiet. She looked around nervously, glancing at cameras and other customers before making a small sign for the man to pull in closer. He leaned in, and she whispered something into his ear. He pulled back, smiling. 
 
 `` I'll have that. And one more for this woman standing behind me. Who is my wife. Of twelve years.'' 
 
 `` Alrighty! Just give me a second to make that.'' 
 
 She grabbed two cups and sprinkled both with chocolate sprinkles, handing the man the cups and ringing up the order. 
 
 `` That'll be 2 cents!'' 
 
 `` Oh I seem to only have a nickel.'' 
 
 `` My, that's fine, I'll waive it.'' 
 
 `` Thank you. If anyone asks, my name is Wayne.'' 
 
 `` I doubt anyone will. Goodbye sir!'' 
 
 Jenna sat down at a table right next to the door. The man pushed her the cup of sprinkles and gave her a spoon and a napkin. 
 
 `` I want you to take one spoonful, and then press your lips to the rim of the cup.'' 
 
 Jenna did as she was told. 
 
 `` Okay, that's done. Now what's going on here?'' Jenna asked. 
 
 The man cleared his voice. 
 
 `` I came here to give you an extraordinary offer.'' 
 
 `` Oh man, are you one of those real life telemarketers? Because I'm not buying anything.'' 
 
 `` And I'm not selling. I'm giving. For a price.'' 
 
 `` That's kind of what selling is, buddy.'' 
 
 `` No, you misunderstand. I'm **giving** for a **price**. 
 
 `` Yeah, I get it. Changing the stress does n't always change the meaning you know.'' 
 
 `` Okay, fine, I'm offering a very tangible reward for a very intangible price.'' 
 
 `` That, I kind of understand. What's the price?'' 
 
 `` As much cheese as you could ever want.'' 
 
 `` That's the price?'' 
 
 `` No, that's the reward. You always give the reward first.'' 
 
 `` But I asked for price!'' 
 
 `` In due time.'' 
 
 `` Fine, fine. Okay, so I get as much cheese as I could want. For what?'' 
 
 `` I need you... to be dead for the next six months.'' 
 
 `` That would sound good, you know, if death was reversible and I did n't absolutely hate cheese.'' 
 
 `` Actually, that is precisely the reason I called you here. You do n't actually need to be dead. You just do n't have to be alive. No working, no stress, no meeting with friends. For six months.'' 
 
 `` Oh. Wow, that sounds very doable. So just chill in my house-'' 
 
 `` No, not your house. You ca n't live in the same area. We have a private mansion for you out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.'' 
 
 `` This is sounding better and better! My only problem is the cheese thing.'' 
 
 `` That's the beauty of the offer. You can not have as much cheese as you do n't want, in addition to having all the cheese that you do want.'' 
 
 `` Oh, okay. So I have to live on an island in the Pacific Ocean for six months without eating cheese.'' 
 
 `` Or with eating cheese.'' 
 
 `` Yes, or with eating cheese. Huh. Alright! I'll do it. Can I just ask something first?'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' 
 
 `` Why me?'' 
 
 `` You're an art student with a Bachelor's in Pencil Tip Sculpting who hates cheese. You're personality fits our profile by A ) Being someone who's got time in their lives to just disappear for six months-'' 
 
 `` That is true. My pencil art can make me famous anytime.'' 
 
 `` B ) By being financially insecure enough to covet anything that shows some form of wealth and power.'' 
 
 `` Hey! I finally managed to buy a record player for all my vinyls the other day! Did you?'' 
 
 ``... and C ) Generally hating life.'' 
 
 `` What! How did you get that?'' 
 
 `` Studies have shown that people who do n't like cheese often do n't like the acts and actions involved with living.'' 
 
 `` Is that a thing?'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' 
 
 `` Wow. That does explain my unique nihilistic view on the human dramedy.'' 
 
 `` I'm sure it does. So will you take the deal?'' 
 
 `` Yeah sure.'' 
 
 The man smiled and shook Jenna's hand. He led her out into the parking lot and threw both his and her chocolate sprinkles on a car parked outside. He placed the cups bottoms up just off to the side of the car, before getting in his own car with Jenna. 
 
 `` What was that all about?'' 
 
 `` The sprinkles on the car and the overturned cups give the impression of a car accident having happened. Your lips on the cup and saliva on the spoon should leave enough DNA to prove that it was you who was hit by the car. The chocolate sprinkles are there to erase any trace of us having been there, as customers or as cadavers. And the comment about our marriage and the time associated was to assure that the cashier would not be attracted to me sexually and thereby keep me in her memory. Now we're ghosts, two people that no one remembers dying in a car accident in front of a Dairy Queen.'' 
 
 ``... Does that actually work?'' 
 
 `` Yes. I've done this before.'' 
 
 `` Oh? How'd it work out before.'' 
 
 `` Brilliantly.'' 
 
 `` Oh, okay. That's good.''
