[ WP ] The narrator of a story finally has enough

You are walking down the street, when, out of the corner of your eye- 
 
 No. No, actually, I'm tired of you fuckers dying. It's like, ohhh, look at me! I'm the protagonist! Spooky stuff is happening and OOOS! I'm *dead*! I'm Not this time. I'm breaking the rules and taking control of your destiny. 
 
 You are in your home reading the 2009 edition of Ripley's Believe it or Not. You are... You are trying to write something? Scrawling `` help help help'' into the pages... Are you possessed? Lauren, are you possessed? What did I *just* say? Let's try this aga- LAUREN. STOP SPINNING YOUR HEAD. 
 
 You're not an owl. Let's try this again. 
 
 You are in a church, praying. You're a nun. You are super holy, super safe, super... 
 
 Christ is this the asylum from American horror story? Lauren, you watched this last month. You know what happens. Why would you go here? 
 
 You know what? I quit. Lauren gets possessed, dies, the the damned Supernatural logo flashes and we cue to Dean eating a burger and Sam being dramatic. 
 
 You hear papers rustling and a door slamming. 
 
 You hear me shouting that I quit. 
 
 I QUIT, I shout. 
 
 Then I do.
