[ WP ] `` You are the main character , after all . ''

`` Oh! Yes, you're right. So I ca n't die!'' 
 
 `` Uh, well no. You have to die.'' 
 
 `` What!?'' 
 
 `` You're the main character. You have to die, in one form or another. Maybe it's a physical death, maybe a metaphorical one.'' 
 
 `` No! No, no, no, no, this ca n't happen to me. I'm a main character! I'm supposed to be the hero, I get to survive and go home after the job is done.'' 
 
 `` Again, no. Maybe your death is the death of your innocence. It's a big world out there, man. Lots of freaky stuff. You'll have to go through it all and come out a changed person. You'll die and be reborn into someone new.'' 
 
 `` I ca n't believe this... this is a nightmare. I do n't want to change, I like it right where I am.'' 
 
 `` Hey man, at least you probably wo n't die in the end.'' 
 
 `` Well, I... do you think so?'' 
 
 `` Sure. This ai n't no tragedy or anythin'. It's a pretty simple hero's journey. Every hero's got ta go through some heavy crap, but think on the bright side, you'll be a hero! You *are* the hero.'' 
 
 `` Right, yeah... yeah! I'm the hero. I can do this. What am I supposed to do again?'' 
 
 `` Right now, you need to cross a rope bridge over a hundred foot fall into shark-infested waters.'' 
 
 `` Are you kidding me?'' 
 
 `` Nah, man. There's a trapped princess in a cave on the other side of the bridge or somethin' like that. You'll meet the main villain there, but do n't sweat it, you're still the hero. You'll come out alive.'' 
 
 `` Princess? *Villain? * I'm supposed to meet the villain just like that? But it's so early!'' 
 
 `` Well, you'll have to face the other villain first, which is your terrible fear of heights. You can do it though. You're still the hero, man!'' 
 
 `` You know what, I quit.'' 
 
 `` You quit!?'' 
 
 `` I quit! I'm done being the main character. Screw this, I'm going home.'' 
 
 `` No! No, no, no, you ca n't do that! The hero never quits, he always goes through with this! Stop, please, you got ta rescue the princess! If you do n't, the entire world is doomed to eternal darkness or some crazy crap like that.'' 
 
 `` No way, I'm not falling for that. This world is n't dependent upon the life of one stupid princess. If she's so important, some other idiot can go save her. Heck, why do n't *you* do it?'' 
 
 `` Me? I ca n't do it, I'm allergic to rope!'' 
 
 `` What kind of bullcrap reason is that? Just wear latex gloves.'' 
 
 `` Latex gloves? What kind of genre or time period do you think this is? This ai n't no mystery sci-fi thriller.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, whatever. I'm out of here. Have fun with your rope bridge and sharks.''
