[ WP ] Getting tired of always being called upon when the police deem a case un-solvable , you take up a 9 to 5 job . You use your brilliant deductive skills to attempt to make sales and upset almost every customer who speaks to you . You are Sherlock Holmes , used car salesman .

It was Sarah's son's 18th birthday, and having passed his driving test, she had decided to buy him a new car. 
 
 Well, as new a car as a single 43 year-old woman can afford. 
 
 Pulling up outside Little Indsley's newest car dealership,'Sherlock & Watson', she and Gary ( she named her son after Gary Glitter, which caused him 10 years of ridicule at school ) got out of a decade-old Citroën C3 and walked through the driveway to see a tall man dressed in what appeared to be a woman's coat. 
 
 Upon closer inspection, Sarah noticed the man had curly dark hair and icy blue eyes. He wore a deerstalker hat, which covered most of his hair, which, Sarah thought, was highly contradictory as she had just decided that he had curly hair. 
 
 The man proffered no hand and gave no greeting, but simply looked over Sarah. 
 
 *Is he checking me out? * thought Sarah as his dreamy eyes washed over him. 
 
 *Do n't be silly* 
 
 She also noticed that the man seemed to be muttering to himself. 
 
 He then repeated the same process over Sarah's son. 
 
 After an incredibly brief moment that stretched out for an incredibly long time, the man simply said `` You're a lesbian, and *you*,'' he motioned towards Gary, `` you were sexually abused in a lavatory when you were fourteen.'' 
 
 `` What?'' Sarah said dumbly. 
 
 Gary began to sob into his hands loudly. 
 
 Of course, sexual abuse is an incredibly traumatising affair and should not be taken lightly, and if you laughed at that you are a monster. 
 
 A shorter man with greying hair marched out of the main office. 
 
 `` Nonononono, you do n't understand, that's just how he greets people'' he said frantically. 
 
 Sarah simply stood and stared. She realised that she was, in actual fact, a lesbian after all, but had never stopped to think about it. It explained everything about her life; why her husband left, why she kept getting aroused around women ( obviously ). 
 
 After a few moments, she simply said, `` thanks for everything,'' and ushered her crying son into her car and drove off. 
 
 `` You complete twat!'' Watson yelled at Sherlock. 
 
 `` I do n't understand, what did I do wrong?'' Sherlock replied. 
 
 `` You insulted a potential customer and told her son that he was sexually abused, that's what!'' 
 
 `` Oh no, I was *helping* them!'' 
 
 `` In what way were you helping them?'' 
 
 `` Did n't you see in the way she stopped for a few moments just before she left? She had a moment of sudden realisation that has probably changed her life for the better.'' 
 
 `` And what about the'sexually abused' boy?'' 
 
 `` Oh, you heard'sexually abused'? I said'sexually *aroused*'! 
 
 The universe then collapsed in on itself as the previous events made absolutely no sense and were clearly an improvised rescue from what could have been a long list of very angry comments.
