[ WP ] You awaken within the world of the first video game you ever played , yet have the powers of the lead character in the last video game you played .

It was a long fall down that pit, into the bottom of the [ dungeon ] ( https: //c1.staticflickr.com/5/4019/4652606204_6d063b493c_z.jpg ). I had fallen like that before in my custom [ 2011 Mustang GT ] ( http: //install-game.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/The-Crew-1-2.jpg ) and had little concern for it - the window cracked but it's really only cosmetic, is n't it? 
 
 Spiders. I fucking hate spiders and here's one coming at me with its pixelated appendages. No worries; I'll just do a burnout on its face and fill the dungeon with tire smoke! FUCK YOU SPIDER! Moving along I'm going through the door marked 8 at the end of the room, thinking to myself `` for real dawg how in the fuck does this car go through doors and shit?'' and the next thing I know there's this dragon standing up there looking me dead in the eye through my windshield!! 
 
 I rev the throttle. Ol scaly-cock is not impressed. He roars. He bellows at the top of his prehistoric lungs `` Nigga solve this equation! N=420/X IF X=12 SOLVE FOR N! BYATCH!'' 
 
 Oh, this dragon wants me to do math and shit? KISS MY BALLS DRAGON MAN! I'm about to show this fool what's up when I realize I ca n't talk. Fuck me square in the lugnuts. OK Dragon, this is n't how I wanted to do it but you're going DOWN! First gear, right foot, the scream of 520 turbocharged horses fill the dungeon and I plow full force into ol' Scaly.. but.. 
 
 He just dodges out of the way, utterly undisturbed! What is this!? I ca n't leave until I've answered his devious math problem! 
 
 But I was n't born yesterday. I know the answer, I just ca n't talk - or ca n't I? I mash my horn down 35 times to solve for N, and the dragon vanishes into a pool of glowing blood! HA! I HAVE BEATEN YOU, SHIT LIZARD! EAT A BAG OF `` N'' DICKS WHERE N=ALL OF THEM!!'' 
 
 But where to next? I drive into the doorway labeled 1 because that seems like a good idea. It's cold in here and it smells like that damn dragon again! WTF! Well it's boring in this room so off to doorway # 15 to the right. Who's here? Dragonballz. He acts like he's never seen me before but I know his game. He screams like a banshee, `` FUCKBOI! SOLVE THIS SHIT OR DIE! Y-3X = 54! IV X=5 SOLVE FOR Y OR I'LL BUST YOUR DICK THROUGH! YOU CA N'T FUCK WITH MY DRAGON STYLE BITCH I WILL FUCK UP YOUR LIFE LIKE CRYSTAL METH!!'' 
 
 Come on you prehistoric prick, everybody knows Y is 69 even down in this dank ass dungeon! I got really tired beepin' that horn 69 times but it was all worthwhile when this basilisk of Babylonia vanished into another psychedelic pool of light. Plus a grip of gold coins showed up! How rad is that shit?! I could make some money here! 
 
 All that came to a stop in the next room though, when some silly ass ghost showed up and tried to drag me through a wall. Nope bitch I'm in a Mustang, ai n't happening. But you know what else ai n't happening in a Mustang? Climbing ladders. With no cell service and no way to exit my car, my life is over down here - I'm doomed. All I can do is roam from room to room making strange congress with the scaly demon whose endless homework questions plague his mind, and mine. WHY DID I DRIVE INTO THIS TOMB!? WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME! 
 
 A distant scream. It's been 31 years since I fell into this tomb. I heard a distant scream. 31 years. The first couple years were tense. I found I could change cars, that much still worked. I tried a convertible but still could n't climb out of it. Me and the dragon learned to keep our distance, he is doomed to speak only in algebraic riddles and I'm only able to communicate with horn honking. 31 years are a long time. Over time I learned that the dragon has a name - Dragon - that he hates spiders. As an act of friendship and to kill boredom I drove all throughout the dungeon, crushing spiders with my tires. Leaving burn-out marks in a sort of subterranean, burned rubber kanji. 
 
 31 years is a long time. Dragon and I, alone in the dark save for some mischievous ghosts, succumbed to the passions of the flesh. He dark and scaly and mathematical and I in the guise of a Volkswagen Golf. He penetrated me gently at first but his thrusting broke my windows and melted my heart. We were like animals, he a dragon and I a car. But animals. 
 
 That scream. A thud. I.. could n't let it distract me. We only lived for one thing anymore, Dragon and I. The ultimate expression of life, of passion. Footsteps. Not ghostly rustling, not the steady rhythm of spiders - I had killed the last one years ago. Footsteps. Dragon thrust deeper into my tailpipe and screamed `` YEAH YOU LIKE THAT BITCH! Y=14X IF X=58 SOLVE FOR Y!'' and I began to respond with beeps, this was going to be a long one. Buckle up motherfucker. 
 
 810... 811... 812. Dragon's shit exploded into me like every ghost in the dungeon all at once. The distant footsteps I had heard earlier became louder, entered the room.. a flash of light. I'm blinded. A man's voice, something I have n't heard in 31 years `` OH. MY. FUCK.. I'M SO PUTTING THIS SHIT ON REDDIT [! ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/DragonsFuckingCars )''
