[ WP ] An atheist and a Satanist meet at the gates of heaven . Saint Peter says there 's only room for one of them .

`` Guys, I have to let you know that only one of you may enter. Work out who goes and who stays. Atheist guy, what do you have to say?'' 
 
 ``.. I ca n't believe this'' 
 
 ``.. Okay, that was.. Satanist, what would you like to share to support your case?'' 
 
 `` Is heaven filled with despair and terror? Does it come in black? When is happy hour?'' 
 
 ``.. I do n't suppose you read our pamphlet, the one you call the `` Bible''. Heaven is a lovely place where you live for the rest of time. You will have everything your heart desires. But no, no negative emotions reside in this place, and happy hour was removed after Moses got a little too frisky with the head mrs. He is currently being flayed alive down stairs, but only for a couple of thousands of years.'' 
 
 ``.. Where did you say moses went?'' 
 
 `` Oh, that place is called purgatory. It's like a time-out but a bit more uncomfortable.'' 
 
 `` Sounds too cheery, do you have anything with more death and pain in it?'' 
 
 `` That would be the basement, but why would you want to go there?'' 
 
 `` I like happy hour.'' 
 
 ``.. Okay, so you want to go to hell?'' 
 
 `` Yea, your place sounds kind of basic and boring'' 
 
 ``.. Atheist, you have n't uttered more than one sentence since you got here'' 
 
 `` I'd just like to wake up, I got really into it at that rave party, those drugs must've knocked my brain off its hinges because holy shit I'm tripping.'' 
 
 ``.. Yea, you WERE tripping until you got stabbed for grinding your genitals on a pimp af he refused to be the one offering sexual `` services''.'' 
 
 `` Well fuck. Do you have drugs in there where you come from?'' 
 
 ``.. Does NOBODY read the pamphlets anymore? NO. NO drugs or alchohol.'' 
 
 `` I'd like to join the guy in the basement, this place sounds fucking stupid'' 
 
 ``.... God help me.''
