[ WP ] The last time

This weather never picked up. They promised to me it would pick up, but well... it never did. I always thought that this fog would lift. Yet here I stand, on my precipice, ready to finally decide. 
 
 I've been surrounded by people I enjoy my whole life, but never felt actually attracted. I can remember the first time that someone, *someone*, actually acknowledge me as a friend. See high school for me was always a travesty, but I held my head high. Cos, well, you know. Confidence is key! Right? Right, always be confident, always maintain. That tended to be my motto. Just maintain and it will soon surprise you, the bounds you've made. Well the first time it happened was just a text, and I wish I could have explained the spirit it rose. I was excited, so happy to have this love. Trust. 
 
 Trust in the fact that you and I accepted each other as friends, I have friends. Not just coke buddies, not just drinking pals or people to drop acid with, but a person in her own sober mind congratulating me on my survival of another year. I made a joke, I'm a day old. Twenty four hours in a day, twenty four years in a me. Get it? I find it funny. So did you, once. Now, I just stand here. I kick my rocks, and watch them fall. I dig my grave, further than any Ditcher ever would. 
 
 Mostly I love the water out here, and the way it clashes with the hills. My favorite part has always been crossing our bridge. Walking so slow that the bikers recognize me on the return home, to their mountain vistas. To their beautiful wives, and loving children and perfect lives that they worked so hard for. Y'all always told me, if I just applied myself. If I just found my way, I could have all of that. Well, here I am. Tell it to me now, through your goddamn mega phones, through your beat eyes. Speak to me, finally. Tell me who I am to you. Whom I matter to, will you tear? Will you break? Why. 
 
 No, of course you wont. 
 
 The clouds must be moved by the wind. You ca n't always use the sun. 
 
 Love, 
 
 Your least transparent Friend. 
 
 
 

