[ WP ] You are clumsy in the kitchen . Today , you perform a satanic ritual entirely by accident .

Blood of the beast for my blood! Weeds of the earth for my body! Fire for my soul! and the sacred words spoken by man for my calling... I have come my faithful servant, what request would you make of me, but be forewarned... requests come with a pr-.... 
 
 Satan had finally taken a second to look around, and froze almost as much as Thomas, who had nearly peed his pants at this point. Looking around the room Satan dragged his eyes from one catastrophe to the next. The under-cooked bloody steak, the Dill Weed spilled everywhere, and the... whatever that was supposed to be thoroughly burning in the saucepan behind Thomas. 
 
 Finally Satan locked eyes with Thomas, who's mouth was still hanging open from long line of made up expletives he had just finished swearing. Or at least he thought he had made them up. 
 
 Thomas slowly closed his mouth as he stared into the eyes full of burning fury that was the incarnation of hell itself. Satan stared back. Just as the moment hit that perfect cross of tense and awkward that really only comes with accidentally summoning the lord of hell, the on fire mess behind Thomas exploded. Both Thomas and Satan were coated in a mess of sauce, and... pasta? Was that supposed to be spaghetti? With steak!? 
 
 Satan calmly grabbed Thomas' apron and pulled it off him, wiping the sauce and ruined pasta off his face at the same time. He sat down on the kitchen island he was summoned on top of, and noticed the table in the far corner with the roses and candle. 
 
 `` How much time until she gets here?'' Satan asked calmly. 
 
 `` I... I've got less than an hour.'' Thomas replied, starting to sob gently. 
 
 `` Kid, I got ta say, of all the times I've been summoned I do n't know if I've ever seen someone who needed it more. You even did this accidentally. I would n't be surprised if the old bastard upstairs actually called me in on this one. Most people do n't swear in ancient Hebrew.'' Satan prattled on as he put Thomas' apron on and grabbed a spoon. 
 
 `` Well do n't just stand there, like you said, we've got less than an hour!'' He roared, causing Thomas to jump to life. 
 
 Less than an hour later a beautiful dinner spread was laid out before Jill and Thomas in a spotlessly clean apartment. The meal was the best she had ever had and she spent the night engrossed in Thomas' eyes. It was almost magic, with every bite she wanted him a little more. 
 
 Satan reclined in his office chair, satisfied with his night's work, as one of his lesser demon assistants came to watch the show next to him. 
 
 `` Boss, did you really help this one for free!?'' the demon asked wide-eyed, most occupants of hell were n't known for bleeding hearts, but Satan was known as the most cruel. 
 
 `` Now now, Igzael, there's always a price. My rules have n't changed, and I always collect.'' Satan said smooth as butter. A truly sadistic smile worked it's way up his face. 
 
 `` What did you take this time boss?'' the little demon gleefully asked. 
 
 Satan pulled open the drawer from his desk to reveal a large stack of condoms. 
 
 `` I... I do n't get it boss...'' the demon scratched his head confused. Why would Satan need contraceptives. 
 
 `` All of his.... and hers.''
