[ WP ] One day , while petting your cat , you accidentally pull his tail , and it opens up . Inside , there 's a USB connector . You connect it to your laptop , an announcement pops up . -Cat Version : 1.0.0 . Update to 256.3 ?

I actually had two funny ideas for this, could n't decide which one I liked better, so I decided post both. Here's the first: 
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 We were sitting in Greg's living room smoking some weed after classes, just a normal Wednesday. After a few hits I leaned back in the couch to relax for a little bit when a cat came up to me. Instinctually I just started petting it, enjoying the soft *purr*s coming from it. Then it hit me, *when did Greg get a cat? *... 
 
 `` Greg?'' I said to get his attention, now intently staring at this cat, who seemed to be staring right back into my eyes. It was starting to freak me out. 
 
 `` Hmmm?'' He responded. He seemed to be zoning out, he always smoked more than I did. 
 
 `` Since when do you have a cat?'' 
 
 `` What do you mean? I do n't have a cat, and you know I'm not really a cat person.'' 
 
 Now I was confused, if this was n't his cat, then who's was it? `` This cat right here, just look at it.'' I was starting to wonder if I was just really high... 
 
 `` What the fuck, where did he come from?'' Greg wondered. *Phew*, at least I was n't imagining it. It was weird that this cat was here though... Greg got off of his chair and walked over to check out the cat. Greg started patting his head, its tail started waving back and forth. I started playing with its tail, and it was then that I noticed he had a USB connector where his butt should of been... 
 
 `` Dude, Greg, check out his butt...'' 
 
 `` What? No dude, that's just weird.'' He was clearly confused as to why I said that. 
 
 `` Seriously, he does n't even have a butt, it's just a USB connector.'' This got his attention and he looked at it. 
 
 `` Dude... What if this is some kind of new prototype technology? We should plug it in.'' This was bizarre, but I had to find out what this was, it seemed alive and normal, other than this... 
 
 I grabbed my laptop and plugged the cat into it. `` I'm in...'' I said to Greg when I did, getting a chuckle out of him. After plugging it in, a single prompt came up, `` Updates required. Current version: 1.0.0. Update to 256.3?'' I clicked `` yes'', dying to find out what kind of technology this cat was. 
 
 As it updated a file explorer window opened up, displaying the names of several folders, more being added as the update progressed. `` Holy shit...'' I heard Greg whisper behind me. I could n't believe what I was looking at, there was a file labelled `` Cancer Cure'', and more: `` Sleeper Agents'', `` Illuminati Leaders'', `` Genocide Protocol'', `` Immortality'', `` 9/11'', `` Trump Initiative'', and so much more. 
 
 The update was now finished. A prompt came up: `` Enter password:''. I looked at Greg, he just shrugged. I decided to enter `` cat''. 
 
 That was the wrong password. My screen immediately started flashing red, a new message came up `` INVALID PASSWORD. UNAUTHORIZED USER DETECTED. REPORTED TO HEADQUARTERS. RETRIEVAL OF DEVICE INITIATED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.'' 
 
 Greg and I were panicking, we had no idea what the fuck just happened. `` Someone must know we have this, it said retrieval initiated... Is it the FBI, CIA, something else? It says we've been warned, are we in danger?'' Greg started rapidly asking me. 
 
 `` I do n't know, dude... This is fucking scary.'' I told him. Then we heard a knock at the door. I looked at the cat, but he seems to have powered down or something. 
 
 `` Shit, they found us!'' Greg shouted, he frantically ran through the room gathering random items. I panicked as well, I did n't know what to do so I started closing out of everything on my computer, maybe if they could n't find anything on my computer I would n't be in trouble. I figured I had to delete everything, I would probably even have to break the hard drive, just to be safe. 
 
 Whoever was at the door was getting impatient now, they were pounding on it, and it sounded like muffled yelling, too. Suddenly the pounding stopped. Greg and I stopped what we were doing and glanced at each other, maybe they decided to leave? 
 
 Then the door knob started turning. They unlocked it somehow. `` OH SHIT, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!'' Greg shouted, we were in full blown panic mode now. I ran from my computer and dove for the couch, if they started shooting us that would give some protection. I do n't think Greg even knew what he was doing, he just dropped onto the floor and lay on his back, maybe he thought they would n't notice him? 
 
 `` What the fuck is going on here!? Why are you two just screaming?'' Alicia yelled at us when she came in. Thank god it was just her, she was scary sometimes, but at least she was n't here to kill us or take us to prison. We tried explaining what happened to her, but none of it made sense to her, she just looked at me like I was stupid. 
 
 `` Guys, that's not a cat... That's a potato. How fucking high are you?'' She asked us. 
 
 I looked around, realizing that none of that just happened. `` Oh... I guess we were pretty high, ha ha.'' I told her, feeling stupid and a little embarrassed. 
 
 Later, I would find out that Greg bought some LSD as well, and decided to lace our weed with it. We all had a good laugh about it. I told Greg that if he ever did that again I was kicking him out though. 
 
 *** 
 
 - Unnamed Government Facility - 
 
 `` God damn it, Jenkins! How could you fuck up this bad and let the prototype C4T escape? Do you have any idea how much this could've set us back'' 
 
 `` Relax, it's programmed to protect itself, and the guy who made it even put in a function for it to cloak itself and display an image of a potato. Nobody will know what kind of tech they have. Nobody will believe their story anyways.'' 
 
 `` I'm this close to firing you, you're lucky I still need you... Just make sure you steal it back without them noticing you. And do n't fucking lose it again, this is the 5th time this week...''
