[ WP ] A frog tells you that if you kiss him , YOU will turn into a princess .

The summer sunset peeks from behind trees to my left, a river runs slowly and calmfully to my right, its animal life getting ready for the night. It was a good day today, I caught almost a dozen fish, five of which I'm taking home. Its warm, its calm, life is good. I almo- 
 
 - Hey! someone says and interrupts my train of thought 
 
 - What the fuck? Where are you? I look around but see no-one and then suspect someone to be above me, sitting on a tree or something 
 
 - Well not up there, that you can depend on. His tone of speech is half-humorous. 
 
 - WHERE THEN? This is not funny. Is there a recording device somewhere or some shit? 
 
 - Nope. Just me. What's a recording device? 
 
 I can barely say: 
 
 - `` What's a recording device''? What do you mean what's a recording device? Who are you? 
 
 - Ben. 
 
 - Ben? Well, Ben, could you please be polite and TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE? 
 
 - Calm down, friend. I hope I have n't upset you? 
 
 - Just tell me where you are 
 
 - Down here. 
 
 I begin a search, even looking under my feet (? ), and finally come to stare at a... frog. 
 
 I look around myself, confused. 
 
 - I'm right here! Do you seriously not see me? 
 
 I turn around with horror in my eyes: 
 
 - You're a - 
 
 - I'm a...? 
 
 - You're a frog. 
 
 - Pffft. That's irrelevant. 
 
 - It is? REALLY? 
 
 - You've never seen a talking frog before? 
 
 Sarcastically, I respond: - Oh yeah, all the time, yeah, fuck yeah, I have a talking dog and a talking parrot - oh shit that actually exists - anyway and I have a... I have a talking fucking... worm, or some shit. Yeah I always talk to animals. Every day. 
 
 The frog - Ben, I guess - just stares at me. 
 
 Then it starts a new topic, as if the old one has never happened: 
 
 - Hey yeah, so I was meaning to ask you something. 
 A silence occurs. 
 
 - So...? I ask, waving my hand. 
 
 - So is it okay if I ask you? 
 
 - Of course its okay - what the fuck why would n't it be okay to ask me - you know what this whole situation is too absurd, I'm going home. The sun is setting. Bye. Fuck. 
 
 - Hey! Do n't leave! 
 
 Then, when I'm a few meters away, a voice comes from among the grass: 
 - Do you want to be a princess? 
 
 Can you get injured by confusion? Like can enough confusion in one moment just cause health issues? Because if it could, I would've been DEAD. 
 
 - Wh....WHAT? I say as I turn back slowly. 
 
 - Do-you-want-to-become-a-princess. The frog named Ben asks, as if I'm retarded. 
 
 I can not get myself to say what one more time, even though I am double dared, motherfucker. 
 
 - First: you're... a fucking frog, and then you ask me... if I want to become a... princess? 
 
 - Exactly. Now, answer quickly for time is of the essence. 
 
 - I'm not even a woman! 
 
 - That's irrelevant. 
 
 A silence. 
 
 - So, what do you say, human? The frog asks. 
 
 I play along: - Yeah okay, turn me into a fucking princess. Do it. 
 
 - HAHAHAHA! It's just a prank bro! Why could I turn people into princesses? Are you fucking stupid? Lmao dude. 
 
 - WHAT? 
 
 - Stop saying what dude, the frog says as it jumps toward the river: now get the fuck out of my forest, bitch. 
 
 I am left standing until the mosquitoes rise from darkness and force me to leave the forest with my fish. Two weeks later I kill myself.
