[ WP ] A man orders a `` cheese pizza with no crust '' from a local pizza delivery joint as a joke . Unbeknownst to him , that pizza joint is a drug front and he just placed an order for a kilo of cocaine .

`` *This is Pizza Shack. How can we take your order? *'' 
 
 `` Yeah man, this Pizza Shack?'' 
 
 `` *Yeah, this is, what you need bro? *'' 
 
 `` Lem me' get a cheese pizza with no crust.'' 
 
 `` *Did you say a cheese pizza with no crust? *'' 
 
 `` Yeah man. Can you do that?'' 
 
 `` *Yo, Rosa?? Hang on my manager should talk to you. *'' 
 
 `` The manager? What are you.... Hello?'' 
 
 `` *Yeah, so you want a cheese pizza with no crust? *'' 
 
 `` Uh huh, can you do that?'' 
 
 `` *Sure about that? You're not a regular customer, are you?? *'' 
 
 `` Not really?'' 
 
 `` *Oh well, it'll cost you extra.... Delivery or pickup? *'' 
 
 -- - 
 It had been three hours since Zeke had phoned that pizza joint. He'd never been in there, but he'd always driven past the past on his way to his job. It seemed like they were always busy on weekdays. But they closed early, so he found it impossible to order most nights. But after looking up the restaurant online, he found out they took orders until midnight on the weekends. 
 
 After hitting up his weed guy for a quarter and getting lost in some Dark Souls 3, he'd gotten' the munchies around 11:30. But at this point, he'd actually lost interest in the food. Hell he'd smoked so much since then, he gotten' past the'I need nutrients phase' and realized he was much more at home in the'I can hear my hair growing' zone. 
 
 He jolted alive when he heard the heavy knocking at the front door. 
 
 `` Who is it?'' Zeke said as he glanced at the clock. 
 
 `` Pizza Shack. You made a order?'' The voice responded from the walkway. Zeke realized it was like 2:30 in the morning. He quickly opened the back window, and turned the box fan on full speed to clear out the smell. He opened the front door a hair and peered out through the gap; just in case his neighbors had gotten wise and called the cops on him for smoking. Instead he saw the gaze of some bored teenager in a purple shirt holding a pizza box. 
 
 `` Pizza Shack.'' The teen repeated again solemnly. He sniffed absently as Zeke unlocked the door. 
 
 `` So what do I owe you?'' Zeke said awkwardly as he tried to look as sober as possible. He watched the young man huff yet again for a moment as he handed him the box. 
 
 `` 34 racks, bro.'' The kid answered flatly as he glanced around cautiously. He watched Zeke fan the money he fished from his pocket. Zeke counted the bills before handing them to the kid. Instead of pocketing the money, he glared at him with palpable disgust. 
 
 `` You okay there, uh'' Zeke paused as he noticed his ID, `` Umberto?'' 
 
 `` Are you fucking with me right now?'' Umberto said as he snorted again. 
 
 `` What, you said 34 bucks.'' Zeke started. 
 
 `` I said 34 racks.'' Umberto snarked, `` Like 34K? Grand? Stacks? Do you understand what I'm saying right now? Are you retarded?'' 
 
 `` What kind of pizza costs *34,000* dollars?'' Zeke said in anger. 
 
 `` What are you, a goddamn narc?'' Umberto muttered as he backed away slightly. Zeke noticed him begin to reach into his waistband under his shirt and felt a bizarre sense of dread at what may be going on. 
 
 `` Motherfucker, how do I know *you* are n't a narc?'' Zeke asked savagely, `` I do n't know you.'' 
 
 `` Look,'' Umberto said as he leaned in, `` dumb fuck, if you do n't give me the fucking money, we are going to have a big problem here.'' 
 
 `` I do n't have that kind of money just lying around!'' Zeke said as Umberto suddenly pushed him into his own home. `` What the fuck is this?!'' 
 
 `` Look you're Zeke right??'' Umberto questioned quietly as he locked the door, `` 981 Spellman Road? You ordered a fucking cheese pizza with no crust. Right??'' He watched as Zeke nodded, `` Well, that's a big order to just call in with from nowhere you fucking dunce. Do you know how long it took our plug to get that situated?'' 
 
 `` The hell is this big ass bag of powdered sugar doing in the box?'' Zeke stared, `` You planning on baking the pizza here? Are you the fuckin' muffin man in this bitch?'' 
 
 `` I may as well be. I just got this product all the way over to you, and you're going to stiff me on the bill!'' Umberto said as he dialed the phone. 
 
 `` I, wait.... Plug? Product?'' Zeke said as he watched Umberto dial the phone. Suddenly, it all clicked. 
 
 `` Oh my God.'' Zeke said as he quickly set the box on the table, `` Oh my God.'' 
 
 `` Oh my God is right.'' Umberto agreed, `` The Sandman is n't breaking my legs over this deal. Sorry bro, I do n't know you, but I do n't like the idea of a Colombian Necktie.'' 
 
 `` Hold on; Colombian Necktie?'' Zeke said as he wrestled the phone away from him. Umberto quickly drew a small handgun from his front pocket as Zeke quickly shied away from the barrel with his arms. 
 
 `` Look man, I just wanted a cheese pizza. That's all I wanted.'' Zeke begged. 
 
 `` You're serious?'' Umberto paused as he nervously held the gun. 
 
 `` I already got drugs! The fuck do I need more for?!'' Zeke explained quickly, `` I do n't even do coke!'' 
 
 `` Really now?'' Umberto paused for a moment. 
 
 `` I just smoke weed, I'm not trying to ruin my life.'' Zeke said as he evaded the barrel of the pistol again. 
 
 `` Well what am I supposed to do?'' Umberto asked quickly. 
 
 `` Take the stuff back? I do n't know.'' Zeke said as he continued blowing his high. 
 The phone began ringing in his hand, and Umberto stared at it nervously. 
 
 `` I need to answer that.'' He explained. 
 
 `` Why?'' Zeke asked bitterly. 
 
 `` Do you want to die?'' Umberto questioned, `` Because you will if you do n't let me talk to them.'' Zeke quickly fumbled the phone into Umberto's hands. He watched him answer the call. 
 
 `` Yeah. The deal's off.... No, we apologize for wasting your time.... I do n't think he knows what he did.... So what would you.... Oh.... Well, I tell you what we'll hold it for you.... Okay? Great, see you soon.'' 
 
 Zeke watched him hang up and quickly gather the pizza box full of coke. 
 
 `` You got real lucky.'' Umberto mentioned as he handed the money back to him. `` They wanted me to shoot you in the face. I do n't kill people, that's not my thing.'' 
 
 `` So are we good?'' Zeke wondered as he watched him finish packing. He put his hands up as Umberto suddenly put the gun in his face. 
 
 `` You did n't see a thing.'' Umberto mentioned angrily. 
 
 `` I sure did n't.'' Zeke nodded quickly. Umberto pocketed the gun, before taking a joint Zeke left on the table for the road. 
 
 `` Hey.'' Zeke reached faintly, `` Not cool.'' 
 
 `` I need this more than you.'' Umberto said as he quickly slammed the door before driving away. Zeke stood in the same spot for about 15 minutes after he left. Eventually, he found his way back to the couch, and fired up some more of the weed he'd stashed away. Pausing the game for the fourth time, he picked up the phone again. 
 
 `` Chinese food it is.....'' He thought nervously.
