[ WP ] Your narrator seems to think he is narrating a horror story . You 're not amused .

**Narrator: ** *'' The hooded man knelt behind the door. His would-be victim was only a stone's throw away, completely oblivious. He was armed to the teeth and preparing to do unspeakably vile things. Beside him, his hellhound growled a deep guttural growl, the growl of demons. `` ** 
 
 **Ryan: ** `` Did you just insult Bubbles?! You better not have! She's the bestest dog in the whole world!'' 
 
 **Lizzie: ** `` Yeah! Bubbles is wonderful! And seriously, `` growled a guttural growl. It was the growl of demons''? And Ryan, what are you doing in my room?'' 
 
 **Narrator: ** *'' I am narrating this story. I am the narrator. What I say goes. `` * 
 
 **Ryan: ** `` Dude, Bubbles is a cocker spaniel-border collie mix. She's the sweetest thing ever. She would n't hurt a fly. Lizzie's bunny slippers are more frightening.'' 
 
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 **Narrator: ** *'' The foul creature crawled towards the young girl's head. Venom dripped from its fangs as it inched towards her scalp. Just a single drop could induce violent seizures, and then breakdown her entire nervous system, leaving her a husk forevermore'' * 
 
 **Lizzie: ** `` No it wo n't. This is just Ryan's stupid remote control tarantula. It's a hunk of plastic and wires. Ryan, I know you're listening. This would have worked a lot better if I were trying to sleep.'' 
 
 ************ 
 
 **Narrator: ** *'' The cruel man looked down at his captive. She struggled against his hold but her efforts were in vain. Nothing she could do would stop him from committing heinous acts against her with his collection of knives...'' * 
 
 **Lizzie: ** `` He's really starting to annoy me. Also, Ryan let me up! Let me up!'' 
 
 **Ryan: ** `` First, no way in heck I'm letting you go! You told Jessica I had a crush on her! For this crime, you'll pay!'' 
 
 **Lizzie: ** `` No! Uncle! Uncle! Stop... ha ha ha haa haa. Pleeeeasse ah haa haa... pleeeassseee stop....uncle....'' 
 
 **Narrator: ** *'' The torture inflicted upon the poor girl are too wretched for me to describe. But her suffering is unparalleled throughout all history. `` * 
 
 **Ryan: ** `` When Lizzie is especially a pest, I tickle her. What's so wretched about that?'' 
 
 **Lizzie: ** `` You're a jerk you know....ha ha ha. But you're not wrong....ha ha ha... pleeeease....uncle. This is n't even the worst you've ever gotten me. But you really should clip your fingernails more often.'' 
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 **Narrator: ** *'' It was a grim ritual. The majestic creature had been decapitated and then disemboweled. It was heinous. And now people were going to relish in its suffering. `` * 
 
 **Ryan** `` Did you just insult Grandma's turkey and stuffing?! 
 
 **Lizzie: ** `` You did did n't you?! I'm telling! Mom! Daddy! The big disembodied voice keeps bugging us! And now he's lying about Grandma! And Ryan sat on me and tickled me until I cried!'' 
 
 **Parents: ** `` Ryan!'' 
 
 **Ryan: ** `` She started it! And what about the Annoying Narrator?'' 
 
 **Annoying Narrator: ** *'' The hellish she-witch and the bastard creature from the deepest sea --'' * 
 
 **Dad: ** `` What did you just say to me?'' 
 
 **Mom: ** `` Young man, we do not use bad words in this house and we do not tell lies. Go stand in the corner and I do n't want to hear a peep out of you for an hour!'' 
 
 **Annoying Narrator: ** *'' That's b # ^^ $ %! `` * 
 
 **Grandmother: ** `` That's enough out of you, young mister!'' *Whaps Narrator with her gigantic purse. * `` I do not get to see my grandchildren often enough, and you are not going to spoil it. We are going to wash your mouth out with soap.'' 
 
 **Annoying Narrator: ** *'' I'll dissolve if you do that! `` * 
 
 **Grandmother: ** `` Oh, fiddlesticks. Where'd I put my ivory soap?'' *Begins rummaging through purse, while Narrator flees for his life and is never seen nor heard from again. *
