[ WP ] You wake up in a maximum security prison where only the most vilest and violent are kept . You do n't know why you 're there but everyone is irrationally scared of you .

( Note: for best results, read in a British accent ) 
 
 I sat on my acrid throne, made of metal scraps and banana leaves. Strange; I thought I told Trevar to exterminate the stinkbugs. `` Jeân Richard?'' I called out. 
 
 `` Yes, sir?'' 
 
 `` Bring me another pudding.'' 
 
 `` But, sir... you had four for lunch. There will be none for the rest of us --'' 
 
 One of my personal attendants clocked Jeân in the head, almost knocking him out. `` Do n't question him!'' 
 
 `` O-of course, sir. Another p-pudding.'' 
 
 I suppose I should explain my new life as king of my own civilization, should n't I? Of course. You see, about a year ago, I found myself on a deserted, tropical island ( which I am told is somewhere in the Atlantic ocean ) with a few familiar faces. The most grotesque, unhuman criminals of the Earth, I mean. Though I've no idea how I got here, I became well-acquainted with the residents. By well-acquainted, I mean they feared me like the Reaper himself. 
 
 I credit my memory loss to a lifelong, genetic case of amnesia. I've been forgetful throughout my life, yes, but I'm sure I'd remember the travesty that won me a ticket to this blasted island. 
 
 Nevertheless, I am enjoying life here. I have the infamous `` Parisian Parer'' ( killer of 100, dismembered each down to their heads before execution ) Jeân Richard as my servant, the `` Tasmanian Twins'' ( cannibals, ate 50 ) Trevor and Trevar as my attendants, a village of 20, and a titanic serpentine beast with teeth that can shred a ship to bits, whom I've lovingly named Nathan the Leviathan, guarding the shore. Strangely enough, even Nathan does not like being around me. 
 
 Of course, though I enjoy the weekly air-drops of gourmet meals and hardened criminals attending to my every whim, I long for a new life. One where I can simply be myself, not live in the shell of a violent criminal. As such, I have planned an air-bound escape to the rich lands of Spain. The other prisoners on this island are complying very well. I suspect they will enjoy this island when I am gone. 
 
 Anyhow, it is time for my new life to begin. Wait, why are the other prisoners brandishing spears? 
 
 ***** 
 For more rich tales, visit r/Picklestasteg00d.
