[ WP ] The Zombie Apocalypse is on its 3rd week . You expected them to be dangerous but you never expected them to be able to talk .

Jonathan Coulton has the best version of this story: 
 
 Heya Tom, it's Bob, from the office down the hall. 
 Good to see you buddy, how've you been? 
 Things have been O. K. For me except that I'm a zombie now. 
 I really wish you'd let us in. 
 I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand 
 Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand. 
 But here's an fyi: you're all gon na die screaming. 
 
 All we wan na do is eat your brains. 
 We're not unreasonable, I mean, no one's gon na eat your eyes 
 All we wan na do is eat your brains. 
 We're at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise: 
 If you open up the doors 
 We'll all come inside and eat your brains. 
 
 I do n't want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan? 
 Spend your whole life locked inside a mall? 
 Maybe that's ok for now but someday you'll be out of food and guns, 
 Then you'll have to make the call. 
 I'm not surprised to see you have n't thought it through enough. 
 You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff. 
 But Tom, that's what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly. 
 
 All we wan na do is eat your brains. 
 We're not unreasonable, I mean, no one's gon na eat your eyes. 
 All we wan na do is eat your brains. 
 We're at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise: 
 If you open up the doors 
 We'll all come inside and eat your brains. 
 
 I'd like to help you Tom, in any way I can. 
 I sure appreciate the way you're working with me. 
 I'm not a monster Tom, well, technically I am. 
 I guess I am... 
 
 Got another meeting Tom, maybe we could wrap it up? 
 I know we'll get to common ground somehow. 
 Meanwhile I'll report back to my colleagues who are chewing on the doors 
 I guess we'll table this for now 
 I'm glad to see you take constructive criticism well 
 Thank you for your time I know we're all busy as hell 
 And we'll put this thing to bed 
 When I bash your head open 
 
 All we wan na do is eat your brains 
 We're not unreasonable, I mean, no one's gon na eat your eyes 
 All we wan na do is eat your brains 
 We're at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise: 
 If you open up the doors 
 We'll all come inside and eat your brains
