[ WP ] Tell me a story about goddamn DRAGONS .

`` Well, they're hard to housetrain,'' the dealer admitted reluctantly, `` it's murder on carpet -- but not so rough on laminates. What kind of flooring you got?'' But he shook his head to himself and asserted quickly, `` Aw, what am I asking questions like that for -- you're clearly serious about adopting a hatchling -- you're committed folks. But I am obligated by law to run through this checklist.'' 
 
 He took a pamphlet from a tray on his desk and opened it flat. He rotated it so we could see the photos of smiling, good-looking people posing with their well-groomed dragons. He pushed the paper towards us and clicked a ball point pen. The point hovered over the bulleted text. 
 
 `` It's just a standard bit of paperwork. Let's see, now, let's run through these...'' He read the questions one by one and paused after each, waiting for our answer, until we had read through every question: 
 
 * Is your present lifestyle and routine suitable for adopting a dragon? 
 
 * Would you consider yourself an `` energetic'' person? If not, have you considered adopting an older dragon? 
 
 * Dragons need lots of room to play! Is your pet enclosure ( and/or subterranean cavern ) at minimum 300 x 300 feet ( 91.44 x 91.44 meters ), or 90,000 square feet ( 8,361.27 square meters )? 
 
 * Are you or any other member of your household allergic to pet dander? 
 
 * Do you have any other dragons? If the answer is yes, do they have a history of past aggression? 
 
 * A full-grown dragon typically consumes the equivalent of four steers ( or twelve sheep, or ten adult humans, etc. ) every day. Are your finances secure enough to provide a dragon regular feedings indefinitely? 
 
 * Who will be available to tend to your dragon during the day? Those with full time jobs outside of the home should consider hiring a pet-sitting service. A list of local pet sitters licensed to care for exotic pets exceeding 800 pounds can be provided by your adoption specialist. 
 
 * Do you carry personal liability insurance? How much coverage do you have? ( Typical homeowner's policies do **not** cover dragon ownership. ) 
 
 * Does your pet enclosure include a large unshaded rock for sunning? 
 
 * Is the primary caregiver able to lift and carry fifty pounds without difficulty? Do you understand that so-called `` pooper scooper ordinances'' are **extremely** strict and violators will be fined **at minimum** $ 185 at first offense? 
 
 * Have you made proper accommodations to repel knights errant who may attempt to slay your dragon? 
 
 * Can you train and handle a dragon with behavior issues? Are you mentally prepared to risk losing one or more limbs and/or digits? How do you feel about large scars? 
 
 * Does your residence have a moat? 
 
 `` Welp, that seems to about cover it,'' the dragon dealer opined. `` I'm gon na need your signature here and here, and initials here.'' 
 
 He gathered up the paperwork while wearing a broad grin and clipped the papers to a clipboard. `` Great! We'll get your fees and payments rung up, and then we can go to the back and pick out the newest member of your family. Gosh, is n't that the fun part? Say, what size inseam are you? I'll run out quick and grab you a set of fire-proof duds while I run your credit card through. You do n't wan na stand too close to a hatchling before it's familiar with your scent -- and we've got a whole litter of'em back there!''
