[ WP ] Every planet in our solar system has a `` champion '' being that takes on the attributes of the planet itself . The `` champion '' from the sun has created an army to destroy the planets and the 8 ( or 9 ) champions must save the solar system .

Uranus was the brains behind the operation. Despite the noxious smell ( due to the methane in its atmosphere ) the other planets looked up to Uranus—just as a short person would look up to lots of things. 
 
 Let there be no mincing of words. The other planets were incompetent. Mercury had given herself melanoma and permanent blindness. Venus didn ’ t know how to keep a moon. Earth had lice. Mars wanted lice. Jupiter was full of hot air. Saturn had gotten itself stuck in a circular rock and the doctors had simply given up on getting her out. Neptune hid in the back because of his crippling social anxiety. 
 
 Honestly, Pluto ’ s magical ice powers really would have come in handy, but there were hard feelings. 
 
 “ Let ’ s just keep doing what we ’ re doing, ” Uranus said, “ It ’ s always worked before. ” 
 
 “ What are we doing? ” Saturn asked. 
 
 “ Spinning, ” Uranus said, “ The big spin and the little spin. ” 
 
 “ *Orbiting*, ” Pluto ’ s voice called from the back of the room, arms folded. “ And *rotating*. ” 
 
 “ Yes, ” Uranus said, “ That. ” 
 
 “ How is that going to help? ” Pluto snapped, “ The sun ’ s army is approaching. You need a real plan. ” 
 
 “ It *is* a plan, ” Earth said, as the lice detonated nuclear bombs in various areas of her skin. 
 
 “ It ’ s just crazy enough to work, ” Mercury said, with all of the intelligence of a flaccid kale stalk. 
 
 “ Planets unite! ” Jupiter said, “ Let ’ s do this! Let ’ s make history in the history of planets! Let ’ s be the planets that do that! ” 
 
 “ Wait, I ’ m not ready, ” Saturn said. 
 
 “ No you just keep doing what you ’ re doing, ” Uranus said. 
 
 Saturn raised her hand to ask a question. Uranus ignored her. 
 
 Various things exploded on Earth. Some of her lice leapt onto Mars. 
 
 “ *Finally! * ” Mars said. 
 
 “ I feel warm, ” Mercury said. There was a murmur of agreement. 
 
 Mercury let out a blood curdling scream as the sun ’ s army burned through her flesh, engulfing her, Venus, and Earth in an unstoppable fiery war path. 
 
 Uranus leaked a bit. It was very surprised. “ Oh no! ” Uranus shouted. “ It looks like the sun is going to kill us all! ” 
 
 “ Nope, ” the sun said. 
 
 “ Why not? ” Pluto called from the back. 
 
 “ This is as far as I expand, ” the sun said. 
 
 “ I see, ” Pluto said, scratching his beard. “ With your new size, my gravitational orbit has changed to become less elliptical. Perhaps the committee could reconsider my status. I firmly believe that I belong as— ” 
 
 But before he could finish the sentence ( he moved quite slowly, and spoke even more slowly ) the heat death of the universe struck. 
 
 Quite literally, the end. 
 
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