[ WP ] Everyone has an AI to help guide them in life , except yours . Yours makes life more difficult every time you achieve something .

`` Are you *ever* going to stop ragging on me every time I do well on a test?'' 
 
 > When you're dead. 
 
 `` That's reassuring.'' 
 
 Since birth, Maria had been struck with a particularly awful affliction. It was n't a heart condition, or some auto-immune deficiency, or anything that could be tackled with mountains of antibiotics or preventative medicine. 
 
 It was `` EULA''. 
 
 EULA was the Personal Navigational and Guidance Artificial Intelligence that Maria was assigned upon birth. They were meant to help people through life, encourage them to make good decisions, plot efficient routes to destinations, and etcetera. The keyword being, *meant to*. EULA was different. 
 
 EULA purposefully suggested poor courses of action, demoralized Maria whenever she was able, chose specifically long and inefficient routes, and generally made a nuisance of herself. The problem was, when you got a PNGAI, that was *it*. There were no do-overs. It was assumed that, if a person's PNGAI acted out, it was their own fault. 
 
 > Ninety-nine on a test? You could have done better. 
 
 `` I suppose I could have, yeah. That extra percentage would have rounded it off at a clean'one hundred','' Maria replied, keeping a straight face as she looked over her test scores. Mathematics was once a poor subject for her, but through EULA's constant badgering, she'd become quite great at it. `` Got any other comments, EULA?'' 
 
 > Take the bridge route again today. 
 
 Maria smiled at the holographic image of her PNGAI, floating before her. The AIs were able to project themselves out a short distance, from a machine attached to the head at birth. It was a bit of an inefficient practice, as the cybernetics had to constantly be tinkered with so as to not damage the brain, but usually having a PNGAI from the earliest point was for the best. `` But if I took that route, we'd both die,'' she said, `` You do n't want to die, right?'' 
 
 > I'd prefer hardware failure over looking at your face again. Unfortunately, you do n't listen to me anymore. 
 
 `` If I spent my life listening to you, I'd probably have died already,'' said Maria, stacking her test papers neatly, before shuffling them off into her bag. `` But at least having you around has made me toughen up.'' 
 
 > You should go to the bank today. 
 
 `` Oh? Why's that?'' Maria asked, as she stood. She finally made her way out into the halls -- class had already ended some time before then. 
 
 > So that I can say that you have a gun. 
 
 `` Harsh. You'd really get me arrested? Would n't that be bad for both of us, EULA?'' 
 
 > Being arrested was not the design I had in mind. 
 
 `` Remind me to shut you off if I ever have to go near a bank,'' Maria said, gently sucking her teeth. 
 
 > I will not remind you, in the hopes that you forget to do it. 
 
 `` Maria! Is EULA picking on you again?'' 
 
 Maria wheeled around to face the source of the shout. A girl of darker complexion stood nearby, with a holographic little fairy sitting on her shoulder. She was the poster girl for what a person with an *average* PNGAI looked like. `` Yeah, Rae. She's being a bit disagreeable again.'' 
 
 `` Rough. I've still never heard of someone's AI just screwing with them all the time,'' Rae replied, shrugging shortly. `` So, what's up? Any plans for lunch? Wan na go find somewhere to sit?'' 
 
 > You should both sit on the railing at the top of the stairs, and then fall off. 
 
 `` Sure, I'm pretty hungry,'' Maria said, nodding. `` But let's sit firmly on the ground, instead of anywhere up high.'' She and Rae started walking again, as per their usual routine. 
 
 `` You have any suggestions, ESRB?'' Rae asked, turning her head toward the little holographic fairy on her shoulder. 
 
 > **THAT SPOT OUT IN THE BACK OF THE SCHOOL WITH THE TREE IS REALLY NICE! ** 
 
 `` Oh, right! I know the spot,'' Rae said, snapping her fingers toward her PNGAI. `` That good with you, Maria?'' 
 
 > I calculate a 99 % chance that the tree will fall over onto the both of you, so I must agree with this decision. 
 
 `` Yeah, it's a nice spot,'' Maria said, `` Let's head there.'' 
 
 > Actually, I believe the inside of the school's boiler room is much safer. You should attempt to gain access to it. 
 
 `` That's a great idea and all, but we've already decided --'' 
 
 > Or perhaps the roof. I calculate a zero percent chance of a fall resulting in death or injury. 
 
 `` Is this seriously all because I did well on my --'' 
 
 > Yes. 
 
 Maria sighed and finally shouldered her bag, decidedly not bantering with EULA any longer. It could be fun for a while, but after many years of living with it attached to her head, the PNGAI's badgering would often get tiresome. 
 
 -- - 
 
 ( Whoops I used the wrong formatting type for what I wanted. Oh well, fixed now I think. EDIT: I messed up twice, how embarrassing. )
