[ WP ] Canada unilaterally declares war on Russia over arctic sovereignty . No one was ready for the fury the Canadians unleashed .

The grizzled veteran pours another finger of vodka, sprinkles some cracked black pepper over the top, waits for the flakes to sink and takes a sip. “ The pepper soaks up oil from potato vodka, but once you get used to pepper, it ’ s better this way. ” He takes another sip. “ Anyway, we were never ready for warbears. Everyone thought they were Russian Propaganda, or that even we would have some, but nobody thought they would bring the war bears. ” 
 
 “ The Arctic rights, right? ” 
 
 “ Da. Everyone thought Canadians would just roll over. We wanted oil, they wanted to make everyone happy. We thought ‘ why not? ’ Everyone gets rich, everyone happy. ” 
 
 “ But that didn ’ t happen. ” 
 
 He chuckles a little. “ No, the Canadians came for us. ” 
 
 “ But it wasn ’ t just the rights. ” 
 
 “ Never is that simple. Some rich prick goes to a Celine Dion concert… falls asleep. Jetlag, you know? He had too much to drink on the plane, the next thing you know, they ’ re out for blood. ” 
 
 “ So. Who were you when hostilities broke out? ” 
 
 “ I was nobody. Some infantry fuck with the 80th Independent Motor Rifle Brigade. Ride around on ATVs, hassle polar bears, drink a whole lot. ” 
 
 “ Kola Peninsula, right? ” 
 
 “ Da. ” 
 
 “ So what was the reaction when Canadian forces attacked? ” 
 
 “ We heard the declaration of war the night before, but figured it would be diplomatic thing. We apologize, they apologize, everyone get drunk. ” He pours another finger of vodka and skips the pepper this time. “ Camp is woken up by the screams of sentries. It was terrible. Now we were used to polar bear attacks. Every few months, some new blood shows up and fucks with a polar bear, this was worse. Much worse. ” He downs the vodka and pours another. 
 
 “ Did they lead off with the bears or more conventional air strikes? ” 
 
 “ No air strikes. I don ’ t think I ever saw canadian jet. No, they were out for revenge. ” 
 
 “ How did leadership react? ” 
 
 “ How did we all react? We shit ourselves, then we got drunk and grabbed rifles. Officers at least had a clean pair of pants for the counter attack. ” 
 
 “ Did you at least hold your own? ” 
 
 “ The only reason I ’ m still alive was because I was on patrol on the southern end of the base. I hear screams and their horrible battle cry. ” He stares off into the distance, his lips moving slightly, narrating the assault in his head. His eyes well up and a tear rolls down his cheek when he blinks. Barely a whisper, “ So many dead that day. ” 
 
 “ What happened then? ” 
 
 He snaps out of it. “ Every time we hear their battle cry, we run. We know that as soon as the cry is raised, we hear war bears. ” 
 
 “ What was the cry? I wasn ’ t aware of it. ” 
 
 “ No, you wouldn ’ t be. But every frontline soldier would know it. The cry goes like this. ” He wipes his eyes, sniffs, and cups his hands around his mouth. “ SOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy ”
