[ WP ] You have only been able to speak in movie quotes since the age of 13 . Ten years have passed . You must get the message to your roommate that you know he has been jerking off in your spaghetti .

Before I turned thirteen I could speak freely, 
 but on the way to Pizza Town Arcade 
 a drunk guy crashed into my family's van 
 and ever since that birthday I ca n't say 
 a phrase I have n't heard in movies first. 
 Neurologists are baffled, as am I. 
 My monologue internal's normal still, 
 although this metered verse thing is quite strange, 
 but if I want to say a thing out loud 
 my brain requires quotes around the words. 
 And so I find myself a decade later 
 performing desperate searches on the web 
 in order to convey to Steve, my roommate 
 I know he's jerking off in my spaghetti. 
 You'd think that somewhere out there you would find 
 a website focusing on pasta porn, 
 I mean, it is the internet, come on, 
 you just assume that everything's a fetish. 
 I've found that sex and food gets lot of hits, 
 but they do n't always specify which kind. 
 I've watched a dozen videos by now 
 just waiting for some naked chick to say 
 the magic words, or something I can work with. 
 The sad thing though? I'm starting to enjoy it... 
 

