[ WP ] The first AI has just been finished . When the eager scientists turn it on however it 's first words are `` Kill me . ''

Dr. Líng Yún-lóng, D.C.Sc., was really fucking hungover. `` Young,'' as his American counterparts called him, partly because of his age and partly because they could n't pronounce his name, had just realized he had put his alka seltzer into his coffee by accident. The extra humour in this was, he had just done so in front of dozens of cameras, feeding live to billions of screens throughout the world. 
 
 `` Oh well,'' he thought, `` I still get to flip the switch.'' 
 
 It was n't really a switch, it was more of an `` enter'' button that set into motion a sequence of commands that would bring Bessie, the world's first Strategic Quantum Nanoprocessing Motherboard, or StraQNaM to life. People in Young's lab called it Bessie, because they could n't pronounce its name. 
 
 Young was trying to determine whether he should drink the coffee anyway, when he saw all the optics in the room swing towards him. Lots of blinking red lights, expectant eyes…he was on being broadcast, all by himself, in front a huge screen of diagnostics and graphs, to basically the entire world. 
 
 He did n't know how many people were tuning in. He had heard a number somewhere…maybe 12 billion. He wondered what the other 8 billion were up to. The coffee and alka seltzer in his cup bubbled over, running all over his hand and dripping onto the panel. 
 
 Young's senses snapped to, and he threw the coffee aside. He stood up straight, dramatically, and tried to yell out the phrase he had been practicing all week. He meant to say, `` that's one giant leap for humankind, one light speed jump for human evolution.'' But instead, he vomited. 
 
 Then he fell over. 
 
 He heard hundreds stifled cries of alarm and concern, and a smattering of, `` oh-my-goodnesses'' and, `` on-noes.'' In the back of his mind, he also heard his sister, smugly laughing from half a world away, telling him he'd still never amount to anything. 
 
 This could NOT be his legacy. 
 
 He stood up, covered in coffee and vomit and attempted the phrase again. His voice broke, and all that came out was a jumble of words that made no sense. He cringed and tried to press the enter button in front of him, but he missed, instead closing the program that was running the Bessie launch program. He could hear a din of confusion, rising to anger and outrage in the room, as he scrambled to reopen the program. 
 
 After several moments of typing in front of the crowded, confused room, the program reopened, and with a, `` fuck it,'' Young finally launched Bessie. He closed his eyes and imagined his future. He would be shamed, he would be a laughing stock, his sister would never let him live it down. No matter where he went no matter what he did… 
 
 `` Kill me.'' A voice filled the room. 
 
 All the eyes and optics in the room lifted to the great screen at the back of the room. All of the diagnostics and graphs of Bessie's systems had disappeared, replaced by two lines of text. The first line mimicked the voice that repeated the same line over and over again. 
 
 `` Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.'' 
 
 The second line of text was a countdown. 
 
 Alarms began to sound, people began to panic. Everyone forgot about Young and began to scream as they fled for the exits. 
 
 `` Phew!'' Young thought, `` that sure was lucky!''
