[ WP ] The story of a great warrior who fears no man , but is terrified of talking to women .

The mighty and feared Ghengis Khan was nervous. Sweaty palms, an overactive bladder, and a suddenly apparent stutter all collided into one mess of a marauding conqueror. 
 
 Sure, he'd clubbed a lot of gals over the head and brought em' back to the tent, but this was his first blind date in a long time, and he did n't know what he was gon na talk about. Ya see, for all the raping and pillaging he was infamous for, Ghengis felt that deep down he was actually a hopeless romantic, just waiting for the right woman to bring it out of him. He adjusted his freshly killed water buffalo skin, and dabbed the blood of his dead enemies into his beard to give it that `` I just conquered most of Asia'' sort of shine. 
 
 Ule was nervous as well. She had heard from many in the village that Ghengis had beheaded three of his last bad dates. Ule liked her head, she thought it fit her body quite well, and was not in any immediate hurry to lose it. She braided her hair in her holding pen, where she was kept with a few other girls and various types of captured livestock. The pig she was sitting on was getting restless, so she got up and paced around a bit, practicing conversation starters while she paced. This proved to be quite difficult, as magazines had not been invented yet, and she really did n't know much outside the realm of farming and goat herding, the respective professions of her now dead father and brother. Her mother told her old passed down stories, but who wants to hear that sort of stuff at dinner. She wondered if she would be eating the pig she was previously seated up. She hoped so. She hoped it went well, and that he liked her. 
 
 Ghengis cleared his throat, before reaching for another potato. 
 
 `` I-I always f-f-fill up on potatoes.'' Ghengis spat out with chunks of potato. 
 Ule smiled politely. 
 
 `` I know what you mean. So, what's it like being... Ghengis Khan?'' Ule inquired. 
 
 `` Tough, man. So much pressure. It's like sometimes I just wish it was like when I first started out, just, ya know, like a lot of skull bashing and pillaging. I mean those were the good ol' days. Once you get an empire though -- work, work, work, work, work. And not even the fun kind, it's all this bureaucratic stuff with territories and strategy, and I'm just like, dude, is n't this s'posed to be about the carnage?'' 
 
 `` Totally.'' Ule replied. 
 
 `` So, like, what's a girl like you doing in a village like this.'' Ghengis asked, before taking a long chug of rice wine. 
 
 `` Oh, ya know, just living that peaceful pastoral life. Or, like, I mean I was... before, ya know, your soldiers killed my family.'' Ule picked at her potato, her appetite suddenly gone. 
 
 `` Yeah, yeah, I know how that goes. A lot girls I date are in that situation. It's crazy.'' Ghengis confessed. 
 
 `` Ya date a lot of girls, eh?'' Ule poked back. 
 
 `` W-w-well, kind of, I mean not really. A guy in my position does n't really get a lot of time to set down roots and cultivate a real connection. I feel like I spend half my days just wiping blood off of stuff and then squeezing it all out from the rags into a bowl to be used later. And ya know, like, sharpening my killer axe. Hahaha, ya get it? Cause like, I kill people with it, and it's totally killer, it's like a pun, hun! Hahaha'' 
 Ule fakes her way through a loud awkward laugh in response. 
 
 `` That's so funny, Ghengis. I bet ya got a bit of my father's blood in that beard of yours!'' She playfully stroked at his beard. 
 
 `` Did you just touch my beard? No. Not cool, bro. Not on a first date.'' And with that Ghengis swung his axe towards her fragile neck. 
 Ule, anticipating this moment long before, fell back, and swiftly ducked beneath the reach of his swing. As he struggled to regain his bearings, she leapt up and with a nimble swing, used her concealed dagger to slash Ghengis Khan's jugular. 
 Blood made a mess of their meal as it streamed from the dying conqueror's neck. 
 
 `` Great.'' Ule quipped sarcastically. `` Single again.''
