[ WP ] Your spouse wants a baby , and you agree to the idea . Problem is , you were never taught where babies come from .

'Oh shit, how do we apply for a baby next?!' he thought, walking towards the elevator in the hotel room.'I wonder if you have to send a coupon or something in the mail... No wait, that would be inefficient.' 
 
 `` Where do you want to eat tonight, babe?'' She said pushing the button, `` I was thinking somewhere romantic to help set the mood. I want the show tonight, you know what I mean, like our second date.'' 
 
'This woman, I do n't even know how babies are born and yet all she can think about is food. This is going to be a long night, what if she springs an application on me and it needs to be freaking notarized!? Holy shit, alright! Damn it! I have to google this.' While he looked around, he notice she was feeling more touchy as they rode the elevator up to their room. She held on to his arm until the door opened. 
 
 `` Well, I'll map out some good four star restaurants and see if we can get a table? Okay?'' They walked down the hall way to their room with a view, but all he could think about was opening his phone up to find out a few lingering questions. 
 
 While she got ready, they found a table at a place called Adega, he was laying on the bed looking for his answers to his questions. He even texted his mom. 
 
'Mom. SOS. Need some help.' Read his first text as he started to scroll through his google finds. 
 
'How is the vacation son? Did Melissa see the tower? Your Father got a flying drone, whatever that is.' Her message came through while opening a Wikihow page. 
 
'It's going great Ma, she did, I think she was Whelmed. How did Dad get a drone!?' Her shower started up, and she began to sing a song she liked. 
 
'He got it from your uncle, I guess he did n't know how to work it and his phone did n't fit the camera. Remember, how your uncle likes flip phones.' Crap, this was getting off topic. He had to reel it back in. 
 
'Uncle Buck is weird. Anyway, mom. How do you apply for a baby?' His Wikihow page did n't give any helpful information, but when to talk to your kids about where babies come from, knowing when the perfect age to talk about it, and to be calm and comfortable while talking. Fuck, this is difficult. 
 
'Oh, you want to go that route. Well, your father was hoping you would have some of your own. You know how he is about blood lines. Your brother Mikey is on his second one now, your sister is on her third, and I think your brother Alex told me the news about his girlfriend. You should just try first before you apply.' Okay, that was more confusing than anything. 
 
'Ma, I just want to have the best baby possible. Melissa wants to have a baby, but I do n't know how to get one. I just want to know how do you go about getting a baby? Dad never told me how you get one, did you guys pick me out from somewhere or did you have to apply?' His read of the Wikihow page was growing stale. When he waited for his mom's reply the reply bubble was forming but she never replied. Melissa walks out the bathroom. 
 
 `` How about we get started before dinner...'' She said taking off her bath towel, `` Did you want to role play again?'' 
 
 He on the other hand, was n't too into the idea. He did n't want to ask her, and then have her be upset all through dinner about him not knowing how to get a baby. So he got up and said, `` I'm gon na get in the shower.'' Smooth. 
 
 `` Aww, come on. How about I get back in there with you, then?'' She said as he walked by, she looked very, very, stunningly, very amazing. His wording did n't make sense, but neither did how good she looked naked at the moment. 
 
 `` I know you want to take your time to get ready, babe, just save it, and we will test out the efficiency of that mattress after dinner?'' He leans into kiss her and she tries one last hail mary by biting his lip. He pulls away and quickly goes into the bathroom.'Fucking babies...'' He thinks to himself, wild eyed, and leaning against the door. 
 
 The restaurant was gorgeous, and she looked amazing in her red dress, her hair all put up, and he always liked the way her heels sounded when she walked beside him. They ordered some good food, had some wine, and laughed like nothing was wrong. He thought about babies the entire time, about 31 different times when they were n't talking. 
 
 As soon as they got back to their hotel, during the ride up to the room, Melissa started feeling feisty. She held him against the elevator wall, but all he could think about was getting down to the court tomorrow to get their...'Wait, I did n't fill out an application.' His phone dings, his mom messaged him back. 
 
'Aww baby. That's not how babies are made, you have to..' She grabbed him and pulled him in for a kiss. 
 
 `` Hol'up babe.'' He said as their lips were pressed together, `` I'm trying to find something out.'' 
 
 `` Geezus, your mom can wait. I'm not going to be blue balled on my vacation, besides we are going to get to work on our baby agreement,'' She grabbed his hands and took his phone. All he wanted to know was where babies came from. 
 
 When they get into the room, she slips off her dress and climbs into bed. He watches as she places his phone beside the night stand. All he has to do is freak her to sleep and he can read the message. She gets under the covers, and raises her hand and beckons him over with one finger. He turns the lights down low and walks by his bag, pulls out a condom, and climbs on top of her. When she hears the condom being unwrapped in the dark she turns the light back on. 
 
 `` Babe! What are you doing!? I thought we were trying to make a baby!?'' she grabbed his condom and threw it against the wall. 
 
 `` I'm just being...'' He stops for a moment, `` Wait, what?!'' 
 
 He looks around to see where the condom landed, but no avail. 
 
 `` You have to have sex without protection to make a baby, stupid.'' He looks at her in amazement, maybe it was the wine but he was nervous. 
 
 `` Oh, okay. Well how does this work?'' He lays down for a moment. 
 
 `` Like this, dummy.'' She climbs on top of him. 
 
 When he wakes back up, she is gently breathing beside him. He could feel the sweat in the sheets, so he ran his hand down her sweaty back to confirm,'holy crap, I never had sex like that before', he thought to himself.'That was a million times better. If someone told me about this before, I probably would n't have had sex with a condom at all. SO, THAT'S WHAT JAMAL MEANS BY PULL OUT GAME IS STRONG!! Holy shit, this changes everything.' 
 
 He grabs his phone and opens up his messages from his mom,'... have sex without a condom. I know, I said you should n't have sex without one but the semen from you creates the baby in her. Now your father made some pot brownies, I've eaten one and I'm going to eat s'mores with your niece and nephew. Mikey is laughing, because I told him about our conversation, and he brought the babies over so he can read them. Have a great vacation son.' 
 
'Fuck', He says as he finds the condom on the ceiling...'Wait, how did you get up there. She shot it past me.'
