[ WP ] Write a story about a guy named Dave and his trip to the grocery store

*Cucumbers... Cucumbers... Where are those damned things? * 
 
 Dave was yet again lost in the seemingly endless maze of aisles that made up his local chain grocery store. Despite doing all of his shopping here for the last three years, he had never been able to remember where anything was found. Not that he minded; getting lost was the perfect excuse to approach the love of his life, Helen. Helen was of diminutive stature, nearly always smelled of mint, and possessed what could be described only as an utterly confusing laugh. Her normal, conversational voice was relatively high, yet whenever amused she would emit the deepest baritone waves of laughter Dave had ever heard. Dave loved it, loved everything about this quirky, bright-eyed girl perpetually seated behind the cash register. 
 
 Building up his courage for the inevitable conversation with Helen, Dave downed an Alprazolam and ran over potential topics of discussion in his mind. *Last week I tried fish, and that did n't work so well. Cucumbers though... I do n't see any cucumbers near her station. Maybe I'll bring up the weather as well, seeing as the rains have finally subsided. * 
 
 Helen glanced up from her Sudoku puzzle, which was nearing completion. Scanning her eyes over her surroundings, she noticed someone had yet again spread mayonnaise all over the People Magazine display located by Register 12. *Of all things those bastards could have chosen to smear, why does it always have to be mayonnaise? * She prepared to call for someone to handle the situation over the intercom, when out of the corner of her she noticed Dave. Dave always gave off an awkward impression. It did n't matter how many times she had met him, she just could not get over his constant state of nudity, nor the ever present erection stiffly penetrating his belly button. Furthermore, he was always sweating, even with the A/C running at full blast. Despite what to most people would be glaring flaws, Helen could n't help but feel somewhat charmed by Dave. *Oh Dave*, she thought, *that poor fellow just ca n't seem to remember anything*. 
 
 Dave approached the the desk and gave a beaming, toothy grin. `` Helen! Is it you that the Greeks fought so gallantly for against the vile Trojans?'' Helen stifled a deep, throaty giggle and replied with a warm `` Hey! How can I help you today, Dave?''. David waited another moment, seemingly at loss for words. He redirected his eyes towards the mayonnaise-defiled display, before abruptly turning on his heels and racing out the door. Helen sighed, and called the nearby mental hospital that was now saved on speed-dial in her phone. Once connected with the operator, Helen explained `` Dave was here again... You'll want to bring some clothes probably, he was in one of those... *moods*.'' 
 
 After receiving confirmation that help was on the way, Helen made as if to reach down below the cash register. Once obscured from the prying eyes of the public, she began sobbing. It took every portion of her being to hold back the sonorous wailing that could at any moment overtake her. After a few minutes she regained control, and raced to the bathroom to clean her face of her now-running mascara. Only a few feet away from the bathroom door she slipped in the mayonnaise. With a resounding THWACK her skull met the concrete floor, and a dark void consumed her.
