[ WP ] `` It 's not that I ca n't sleep . I just ca n't dream anymore . ''

The doctors told me it was a symptom of the traumatic brain injuries. 
 
 `` You're a lucky man,'' the third neurologist I went to told me. `` Most people who receive brain trauma like you've had suffer hallucinations and nightmares for years afterwards. No dreams at all is a bit odd, but a good result compared to what you could have gotten.'' I did n't like her. She did n't listen to me. Not that the first or second were much better, but at least they pretended to scribble notes when I told them about the hollow and dreamless sleeps that had haunted me since the accident. After her, I stopped going to doctors for help. 
 
 The therapists were no better. Always going on about my insecurities, or ways my childhood might be affecting me. I lasted through five sessions and two therapists before I stopped seeing them. 
 
 My girlfriend left me a month after the therapy stopped. She told me she loved me, but that she could n't stand the empty gazing, or the way I muttered to myself in public. It frightened her. I guess I ca n't hold it against her. I'm afraid of it too. 
 
 What? Why is it- oh, I understand. No, that's fine. I ca n't really explain it well. 
 
 It's just dark. Like- like a night without stars. Or when you were a kid, and you'd hide in the floorspace in a game of hide-and-seek. But there's nothing around you, and it's just- just empty. And then you wake up, and it's like you were never asleep. It's like you were just frozen in time from when your head hit the pillow until you woke up. 
 
 It's not so bad, at first. But you do n't feel any better when you wake up then when you went to sleep. 
 
 No- 
 
 Uh, yeah. It's just like your brain shuts down at night. And then stuff starts to pile up, y'know. 
 
 Things people said. 
 
 Stuff you did. 
 
 Its like you never have any time to recover. 
 
 And being in that dark place, it's like- like you're already dead. Like suddenly everything that was you is just gone. 
 
 And then you're awake again, and everything continues like before. But you do n't feel any better than you did before, and everyone else does. And you know that dark is waiting for you. 
 
 Just a few more naps, and you'll stay there. A little more and you wo n't wake up. 
 
 And I'm starting- I dunno if it would be that bad. 
 
 Yeah, thanks. I'll be back next week. Sure, yeah, same amount. It helps me stay awake, and that's all I care about. Hey, I just wanted to know. Is there a lethal amount to avoid? Like, do n't want to end up dead from- Wow, that much? 
 
 OK, I'll keep that in mind. Do n't worry about me, I'll be fine. 
 
 Right, sorry for ranting at you earlier. 
 
 Guess I just need some sleep. 

