[ WP ] Explain to your disciples why the world has n't ended as announced .

“ The time has come my disciples! The world is coming to an end and… a new dawn… will rise from the ashes. ” The Bishop of Bones winced at his own mixed metaphor. “ Or a phoenix... ” he mumbled. “ Feel the darkness overwhelm your senses! Feel yourself drift into eternity! ” 
 
 “ I feel fine. ” 
 
 “ Ok that ’ s just great Billy. Take another drink of pun…. of the divine nectar of wisdom and give it another couple of minutes. The darkness will be along presently. ” 
 
 “ I feel fine too. ” 
 
 “ Take a drink of divine wisdom my child… ” 
 
 “ I ’ m ok too. ” 
 
 “ Take a drink. You should know what I was going to say by now. In fact can anyone who feels fine put their hands up? ” 
 
 Everybody raised their hands. 
 
 “ John, can I have a word? Everybody else please drink deeply from the bowl of wisdom nectar ” 
 
 “ There is n't enough for everybody. ” 
 
 The Bishop ’ s fists clenched briefly. “ Then just form a line and can the people who don ’ t get any just stand over there on the right. ” 
 
 “ I've already had one drink though, do I stand on the right or not? ” 
 
 “ TAKE A DRINK AND IF YOU STILL FEEL FINE STAND ON THE RIGHT ” 
 
 “ Ok, jeez. ” 
 
 “ JOHN! A WORD! ” 
 
 John slowly approached the bishop, a sweetly innocent look on his face that made the Bishop want to punch him. 
 
 “ John, what is going on with our wisdom nectar? ” 
 
 “ Yeah, my hook-up did n't come through, so I just got the normal stuff. ” 
 
 “ The normal stuff? YOU MEAN THAT ’ S JUST A BOWL OF FRUIT PU…… you mean that ’ s just a bowl of fruit fucking punch John? Is that what you ’ re telling me? ” 
 
 “ Well, yeah. ” 
 
 “ And you did n't think this was the kind of information that I might have needed before scheduling the apocalypse? ” 
 
 “ I figured people would enjoy the apocalypse more anyway if they were n't so… you know…. fucked up from spiked punch. ” 
 
 “ God damn it John, your stupidity is both an endless source of amazement for me and also a royal pain in my ass. ” The Bishop paused for a second. “ When can your guy come through for us? ” 
 
 “ Oh this week for sure. I ’ m meeting him on Thursday. ” 
 
 The Bishop turned back to the group, now collected on the right of the room. 
 
 “ HEAR YE, HEAR YE. I have spoken with the Ancient Ones and they have decried the actions of us accursed sinners. They have told me one of the greatest sins of mankind is that of calendar… poor timekeep…. infidelity! Infidelity to the calendar! The calendar of days that they laid down for us has been corrupted by the sins of mankind and they have brought us here tonight to teach us that lesson! To show us that the time we are living in is not the time that we think it is ” 
 
 “ What time is it? ” 
 
 “ The ancients have revealed to me that since we few are amongst the chosen ones, our calendar is only a few days out of sync with theirs! The apocalypse is next weekend! ” 
 
 “ But our calendar is the same for everyone in America? ” 
 
 “ The Ancient ’ s ways ARE NOT TO BE QUESTIONED! Also what about different timezones? You did n't think of that. ” 
 
 “ So no apocalypse tonight? ” asked Billy. This caused a murmur amongst the flock. 
 
 “ No. Next weekend. And Sandra, if you can ’ t get off work, just let me know, I ’ ll see what I can do. ” 
 
 The group started to disperse, shuffling off to collect coats and bags before wandering off into the night. 
 
 “ G ’ night Brad. ” 
 
 “ It ’ s Bishop of Bones, Billy. Bishop of Bones. ” 
 
 `` Sorry.''
