[ WP ] Philosophical Horror

`` New artificial sweetener linked to toddlers' behavioural problems!'' The newspaper headline did n't waste time. I only made it past the article's lead before I stopped chewing my lunch. The can of soda next to my lunch box contained said sweetener. It stood there, eerily unmoving and sporting energizing colours and two attractive fonts that read `` YeSoda! ( No Sugar! Yes! Soda! )''. 
 
 But I'm not a toddler, I thought, and resumed chewing. I washed the crumbs away with a gulp of sugar-free soda, and continued on my way to the end of the article. A study had revealed that toddlers who drank the new variety of YeSoda! were slightly more likely to display restlessness, emotional displays and hampered understanding of cause and effect. The rest of the article consisted of semi-random paraphrasing from interviews with the scientists who conducted the research, someone from a consumer protection agency and another academic debunking the research, calling it flawed. 
 
 Amidst all the blaming and all too subtle name calling none of the arguments stuck to my memory. I washed them down with YeSoda! It reminded me of the last artificial sweetener we used. That one was linked to liver problems. And the one before that to cancer. And then there was the one that caused us to go back to sugar for a while, because it turned out to be worse for your weight than sugar. The discourse sounded the same. And YeSoda! still tastes the same. 
 
 As I finished lunch, I realized I had a toddler myself. Should I pay attention to the article? Newspapers have been known to exaggerate claims. Sensational news helps sell copies. And in this troubled economy, every sold copy counts. I'd keep him off YeSoda! for a while. You never knew. And I chuckled, because I'd have a few more to drink for myself.
