[ WP ] One if by land . Two if by sea . Three if by air . Four if by ...

`` There are four lights.'' 
 
 `` What do you mean, four?'' My partner replied. We had been assigned here by a higher up officer to monitor whatever was coming. But all I knew was that it was cold and I wanted a damn coffee. 
 
 I pointed off to a distant tower, where four candle lit lanterns were hanging. `` We were told to wait here for the signal, right? There are four lights. What do you suppose that means?'' 
 
 He mulled over the idea for a moment. `` One by land, two by sea, three by air.'' There was a squint on his behalf as he looked off at the tower. `` Wait, you said,'there are four lights.'?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, there are four lights.'' I looked him over like he was an idiot. 
 
 `` There! Are! Four! Lights!'' He shouted in a defiant manner, using his taller height to loom over me in a menacing fashion. 
 
 I did a hop back and put a hand over my gun. `` What the shit? Do n't shout or anything, we're supposed to be lookouts.'' 
 
 `` No, dumbass. It's a quote from Star Trek. Captain Picard gets taken by the Cardassians and they try to brainwash him or something.'' 
 
 `` What the fuck are the Kardashians doing in Star Trek?'' I had my suspicions that this man was a dumbass before. Now I just knew it had to be true. 
 
 `` But you said there are four lights.'' 
 
 `` There ARE four lights!'' 
 
 `` Then we're getting invaded by brainwashing aliens. That's the only solution. That's what we need to be on the lookout for. That's what we're supposed to warn people about. Now get on your horse and spread the news!'' We did n't even have horses. Mr. Paul Revere here was taking things to seriously. 
 
 I shook my head and stood my ground. `` Look, let's say... Hypothetically... Extremely hypothetically, that it's aliens.'' 
 
 `` Alright, go on.'' 
 
 `` Aliens are from outer space. Space is a part of air. If the enemy are coming by air, there would be three lights.'' 
 
 `` But there are four lights.'' 
 
 `` Exactly.'' 
 
 `` So then it's mole people.'' He stomped his feet on the ground. `` One by air, two by sea, three by air, four by ground. Obviously it's mole people.'' 
 
 `` Why the fuck would you think it's mole people?'' I had started to go for my radio so I could call it in, but i really had to hear an explanation for this one. 
 
 `` Bare with me.'' I bit my tongue, saying nothing. I think I had already bared enough of him. `` The likelihood of hell demons or spawn or whatever is very low. So we can strike those out. Giant man eating worms is more of a thing they have out in Nevada, we're just outside of Boston. The only thing left that it could be is mole people.'' 
 
 `` Giant man eating worms?'' 
 
 `` No, idiot. Mole people. Call it in, and tell them that it's mole people.'' 
 
 I go for my radio and decide that I should just call it in and ask them what four lights are supposed to mean. Instead I just get static. I bang the thing against the palm of my hand in a vain effort to get it to work. 
 
 `` Probably interference by the mole people.'' 
 
 `` Just shut the fuck up about the mole people.'' I bang it again and am greeted by a low, rumbling noise. The ground has started to vibrate and my attentions are drawn up towards the sky. 
 
 There was a series of lights. Shooting starts that flared across the night sky all around us. A particularly bright one shined above, coming to a stop above. It looked to be some sort of flying vessel, with strange swirling lights that spun around along the bottom. 
 
 `` Ha! I told you! I told you that four lights meant aliens!'' 
 
 A beam overtook the both of us. I started to feel light on my feet, so much so that the soles of my boots had stopped touching the ground entirely. `` Just... Just shut up.'' I hissed back, even as the both of us were being abducted by this unknown force.
