[ WP ] Write the most elaborate , over-dramatic , and exciting story you can think of that all just turns out to be a set-up for a pun so horrible I 'll want to punch you

Reginald was almost free, he could feel it. Just a few more feet of digging, and he'd be out. His intuition, his sixth sense, told him he'd be about 100 feet from the outer prison wall. More than enough. With his short stature and under the cover of night, there was no way the guards would see him. 
 
 He did n't deserve to be in prison anyway. Blackmail was such a minor crime, and the secrets he knew... the people to whom those secrets belonged, they were the real criminals. So what if they paid him to keep quiet? He had a gift. The prosecutors had called it a scam, called him a con-artist. But Reginald knew his powers were real. He could predict the future, know things he should n't, see outside of what normal people saw. 
 
 And people had trusted him. Probably because of his size. A genetic defect, the doctors had said. He'd never grown taller or larger than an average 5-year-old. It made people sympathetic, likely to open up their minds, open up their secrets, even if they did n't know it. And once he knew their secrets... people would pay almost anything to keep their secrets hidden. 
 
 Finally, he felt the last bit of earth crumble before his fingers, as he widened the hole and scrambled out into the moonless night air. He was out. He was free. 
 
 He was a small medium at large.
