[ WP ] You run an RPG pawn shop . You haggle with adventurers who try to sell loot they 've acquired .

The “ hero ” walked into my store. The little bell above the door rang, but it was drowned out by the clanging from all the crap- I mean “ loot ” he was carrying. 
 
 He walked up to my counter, leaving a trail of blood and various weapons in his wake. I suppressed my gag 
 reflex ( Gods, he reeked! ) and prepared my self for this bullshit. 
 
 “ You there, NPC! I have valuable loot to sell! ” 
 
 *sigh* 
 
 “ I have a name, ser. It's Timothy. Which you should know, since we've had this exact same conversation 
 almost every day for 2 years. ” 
 
 “ Yes, Yes, that's all well and good, I want 22 gold pieces for this, the Great-axe of the Golden Sword! ” 
 
 “ Wha- wait a- first off that does n't even make any sense, you ca n't have a'weapon of the other weapon'! That's like saying you have the codpiece of the shitty helmet! ” 
 
 “ Well, now that you mention it- ” 
 
 “ No, no, I'm not finished! Second off all, that's not a great axe! It's not even a regular axe! It's a hammer! And a poor looking one at that! And thirdly, that hammer, Great-axe of the Golden Sword or not ( oh yea, and there's no way that hammer is golden, it's rusty for Gods' sakes ) and- where was I, oh yeah, there's no way I'm giving you 22 gold for that. I would n't give you 22 copper! ” 
 
 “ But my Adventurer's Guide™ says this, the Great-axe of the Golden Sword, is worth 22 Gold! See?! ” He said, dropping everything to pull out a book. 
 
 I waited for the ringing in my ears to stop since he was carrying literally tons of crap-I mean “ loot ”. ( And I do mean literally, How does he carry all that stuff? Where does he even keep it all?! ). It had sounded like a stage coach pulled by oliphaunts charging into a phalanx of grand pianos. When all that was left was the tinnitus, I responded: 
 
 “ Mawp! *Ahem* I mean, That thrice Gods' damned book is not an Adventuring Guide™, It's literally a child's 
 picture book badly written in crayon! Why would it even have a section on the value of weapons, let alone a Great-axe of the Golden Sword that's obviously a rusty hammer!? ” 
 He meekly turned the book towards me and showed me, though, it was clearly drawn in crayon, an almost lifelike rendition of the rusty hammer on the table with crudely, and incorrectly written lettering above it saying “ Grt-ax uf tha Guldan Sord ” 22G 
 
 *sigh* 
 
 “ I'll give you 20 gold, just- just go. ” 
 
 “ Thank you kind NPC! Now how much for this Onyx Dragon liver? ” 
 
 “ GET OUT! And take this- this bloody pile of disgusting- what ever it is with you! Jim at the apothecary is down the street! He deals with that stuff! ” 
 
 “ Thank you again, I shall visit the NPC at the apothecary post-haste! ” 
 
 He clanged away, somehow putting away all the crap- I mean “ loot ” was carrying. Mother said I should have been an adventurer. At least I would be the one dishing out the abuse. But Gods, are they all this bad? As I absentmindedly rubbed the old war wound in my knee that flared up whenever “ Heroes ” were around for some reason, another “ Hero ” walked in, almost the spitting image of the previous one, except he was carrying a ton of armor instead of weapons. 
 
 “ You there! NPC! I want 15 gold for this Codpiece of the Golden Helmet! ” 
 
 *sigh*
