[ WP ] A GoT episode in the style of `` It 's Always Sunny in Philadelphia ''

Interior, Winterfell's Great Hall 
 
 Jon, Sansa, Sam, and Jorah are all sitting around drinking mead. 
 
 Jon: I'm telling you, Sam, you could n't beat a giant in a fight. 
 
 Sam: But I could. I killed a White Walker. 
 
 Sam does a Dothraki fighting pose. 
 
 Jon: You do n't know Dothraki. 
 
 Sam: I do too! 
 
 Sansa: No you do n't, Sam. 
 
 Sam: Why do n't you be quiet, you stupid raven. 
 
 Jon: Good one, brother. 
 
 The door to the Great Hall busts open, Tyrion enters. 
 
 Tyrion: Alright everyone, get your shit together! 
 
 Sansa: Tyrion, what the hell is going on? 
 
 Tyrion: The whole Lannister army is attacking. We have to get out of her before the kill us. 
 
 Sam: The Lannister would never attack us. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Cue title card: The Gang is Attacked by the Lannisters 
 
 -- - 
 
 Extr. Winterfell Courtyard, Day 
 
 Tyrion, Jon, and Sansa all stand near the stables. 
 
 Tyrion: I'm telling, Jon. Once that army comes in here we're all going to be dead. 
 
 Jon: You do n't know what you're talking about, Tyrion. 
 
 Tyrion: I am a Lannister. 
 
 Jon: A business Lannister, not a fighting one. 
 
 Tyrion: Alright, I will forget about you. I'm going to get ready so I wo n't be killed. I need to find somewhere to put all my Wildfire. 
 
 Exit Tyrion. 
 
 Jon: What if his right, Sansa? 
 
 Sansa: We will be dead. 
 
 Jon: No, they'll be dead. If we survive then we can take the throne back. 
 
 Sansa: By the Old Gods, I could be queen, and not that bitch. 
 
 Jon: I think I have an idea. 
 
 End Scene. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Extr. Wood, Day. 
 
 Jorah and Sam are in winter gear trekking through the snow. 
 
 Jorah: I thought that Jon said all the giants are dead. 
 
 Sam: You can not listen to Jon. I know that these Wildlings will know where a Giant is. 
 
 Jorah: If you say so. 
 
 Sam and Jorah enter into a Wildling camp that has moved South of the wall. Many Wildlings walk around freely. 
 
 Sam: Look at them all. All of these strong men, able to do as they please. These are heroes. 
 
 Jorah: What? 
 
 Sam: Look at how masculine these Wildlings are. I imagine they know some awe inspiring fighting styles. 
 
 Sam approaches a Wildling. 
 
 Sam: Excuse me, sir? Do you know where any giants are? 
 
 Wildling: Giants? Are you crazy? 
 
 Sam: I want to show my friend here my Dothraki moves. 
 
 Sam does more pseudo-Dothraki poses. 
 
 Wildling: Ha, and I'm the Lord of Light! 
 
 Jorah: I know lot of Lord of Light knowledge. 
 
 Wildling: You'ardly seem to know the common tongue. 
 
 Sam: And you hardly know a fighter when you see one. Please just show me to your strongest fighter, he will make a fine substitute for a giant. 
 
 Wildling: If you say so. 
 
 The Wildling walks off and into a tent with a label on it. 
 
 Jorah: Sam, Wildlings have a dragon too? 
 
 Sam: What? 
 
 Jorah: See that tent the man walked into? The sign says dragon. 
 
 Sam: You mean the one that says `` danger?'' 
 
 Jorah: I thought that- 
 
 The Wildling returns with a masked man who is of short height. 
 
 Wildling: Here is our best fighter. 
 
 Masked Man: Sam? Jorah? 
 
 Sam: Who are you? 
 
 The man removes his mask to reveal he is Tyrion. 
 
 Tyrion: It's me, Tyrion. 
 
 Sam: Tyrion?! What the hell are you doing here? 
 
 Tyrion: I told you, the damn Lannisters are going to attack Winterfell! I came here to be safe. Plus, have you seen some of these Wildling women? Whew, they'll knock your rocks off. 
 
 Sam: The Lannisters wo n't attack Winterfell. And how'd you get here? 
 
 Tyrion: I told these fools that I was a Tree God. 
 
 Sam: A Tree God? 
 
 Tyrion: I do n't know, some Wildling shit. All the girls are lining up [ YELLING ] to see my giant cock. 
 
 Suddenly a Wildling runs out. 
 
 Wildling: Did you sleep with my wife? 
 
 Tyrion: Oh shit! Back to Winterfell. 
 
 Tyrion, Sam, and Jorah all jump onto a horse and run away as the Wildling stays screaming. 
 
 End Scene 
 
 -- - 
 
 Intr. Winterfell Great Hall 
 
 Hound: You said Sansa was here? 
 
 Jon: Yes, she'll be here. 
 
 Hound: And she'll kiss me? 
 
 Jon: Yes, whatever. 
 
 Sansa enters. 
 
 Sansa: Hello. Jon, will you come here. 
 
 Jon: Yes. 
 
 Sansa: [ QUIETLY ] What the hell is he doing here? 
 
 Jon: I went and found him. If the Lannisters do attack, he'll be a great help. 
 
 Sansa: Okay, that's actually a good idea. 
 
 Hound: Hello little bird. 
 
 Jon: That's a good one! 
 
 Tyrion, Sam, and Jorah enter. 
 
 Tyrion: We have to get the hell out of here! 
 
 Jon: The Lannisters are n't coming. 
 
 Sam: He angered an entire camp of Wildlings and now they're coming here. 
 
 Jon: Dammit, Tyrion! 
 
 Tyrion: I ca n't help it that women like to flog the one eyed snake! 
 
 Sansa: Ewww. 
 
 There's a great commotion outside. 
 
 Jon: What is it? 
 
 Jorah: I'll look. 
 
 Jon: What do you see. 
 
 Jorah: It is the damn Lannisters! 
 
 Tyrion: I told you! 
 
 Jon: Let's get to the horses! 
 
 -- - 
 
 The gang and Hound run outside to the courtyard. The army is beginning to tear the door down. 
 
 Jon: We need to go. 
 
 The gang all gets seat in Jon's carriage, there is no room for Hound. 
 
 Hound: What about me? 
 
 Jon: There's no room. 
 
 Hound: Move these bloody barrels! 
 
 Tyrion: Do n't touch those! They're mine! 
 
 Hound: What the hell? 
 
 Sansa: Stay and fight my noble knight. 
 
 She kisses him. 
 
 Hound: Okay. 
 
 The carriage pulls off. 
 
 Jon: Was that real? 
 
 Sansa: No, I did n't want to have to hear him bitching about not getting a seat. 
 
 The gang is riding out of the town when they see the Wildling horde. 
 
 Jon: Shit, its the Wildlings! 
 
 Sansa: Stop! 
 
 Jon: The horses wo n't stop! 
 
 Jorah: Wildlings, bitches! Wooh! 
 
 Jorah jumped from the carriage. 
 
 Tyrion: Shit. 
 
 Tyrion jumps, followed by Sam, Sansa, and Jon. The carriage continues to the horde when a torch is thrown on it and it blows up Winterfell. The gang looks as Winterfell burns in green flame, and the two armies and citizens of Winterfell scream in pain. 
 
 Tyrion: Anyone for some beer? 
 
 Gang: Yeah. 
 
 End. 
 
 Edit: I made some changes to the format that might make for an easier read.
