[ WP ] A Minor Event

**The Train** 
 
 The train car was full to capacity. There was a guy standing next to me who was wearing a turban, and I imagined him blowing us all to shit. I thought about the ass of the woman in front of me, and how much I just wanted to literally fuck the shit out of it. I thought about the old man with a cane who was standing up next to a teenager sitting down in the “ reserved for handicapped ” seats and holding a skateboard. Asshole. I thought about the hobo in the corner asking people for change, and I tried to guess what sort of drugs he was going to buy. I ’ d put my money on heroin and booze. I thought about the god-awful smell that was coming from behind me. It was probably just another hobo who had pissed himself. 
 
 Stop after stop, people got on and off the train. I was eventually able to grab a seat next to some guy with male-pattern baldness that just accentuated his already large forehead. I giggled to myself. 
 
 The hobo from the corner of the train decided to bother me: “ Excuse me, sir, ” he slurred, “ Could ya spare some money? I ’ m a veteran and I lost my home. ” 
 
 I could smell the cheap booze on his breath. 
 
 “ I ’ m sorry, I don ’ t have any change ” I said as I waved it off, without even bothering to look it in the eyes. 
 
 I was lying, of course. I had at least $ 100 in cash and change on me, but it didn ’ t need to know that. It shuffled past me and his leg brushed up against my shoulder. I twitched in anger as I realized that my jacket was now effectively destroyed. 
 
 “ Hey…are you okay? ” 
 
 The bald guy next to me was talking to me. What a moron. Of course I wasn ’ t okay. 
 
 “ I ’ m fine. But thanks for asking. It ’ s just been a long day and I am ready to get back home and just chill. ” 
 
 “ God, I know that feeling. But it ’ s okay. It ’ s hump day! ” The bald man chortled to himself. I bet he was ready to go hump his anime body pillow when he got home, using his tears as lube. “ And hell! 4/20 is coming up in a couple of days. That ’ s always a good time. ” 
 
 “ Yeah, I guess. ” I don ’ t smoke. Why would that junkie degenerate assume that I did? “ Actually, a friend and I are going to meet up tonight in the woods and light it up there. ” 
 
 “ I ’ m totally with you there. Last year, I saw this video of these college kids who rolled a two-pound joint and it got confiscated by the cops. What a fucking waste ” he continued as if I was interested. He ’ s a fucking waste. 
 
 
 The train creaked and moaned as it slowed down. The bald guy stood up and said, “ Alright, this is my stop. Good talking to you! Have a good one. ” 
 
 “ Take care, dude. ” He finally left. What an obnoxious asshole. 
 
 He shuffled past me as I tried to bury myself into my seat, praying that he wouldn ’ t bump into me on his way out. He didn ’ t, and I just closed my eyes for the remainder of the train ride, which took 10 more minutes. 

