[ CW ] Write about Sex - from the perspective of the penis/vagina .

Back in the 90's my owner used to meet with this girl, and I got to know her vagina real well. And let me tell ya, after years of having this dude smack me raw I was looking forward to a nice warm cave to dive into. 
 
 But what a disappointment that was! It was so dark in there. My owner shoved a bag over my head and forced me to do pushups until I puked, it was like fuckin' *Hostel*, man. Imagine rolling around in a sock filled with thick water with pantyhose wrapped around your face. Not cool, man. 
 
 That happened a few times, and then he made me meet another new friend. This one smelled bad and looked like a starfish covered in paprika but hey, I ai n't complainin'. Until he put me in there and it was like swimming through the goddamn *desert*. 
 
 That only happened once, and I never saw that vagina again. Owner made a new friend recently, and this new genitalia is pretty chill. We butt heads all the time and sometimes I pull out of the sheath really fast like a sword. I dunno, man.
