[ WP ] In a world where you gain the power of the object you were previously killed with . You were killed by a falling coconut

I walked past the group of guys snickering at me. Everyone in town knew how I had last been killed. It was rather embarrassing, I must admit. And the powers that I had didn ’ t help with any of it. After all, being able to spontaneously produce a coconut and cause it to fall and crack open on my head wasn ’ t the most popular ability. It was, in almost every way, pretty lame. The only useful part was that my head was slightly harder than a coconut. 
 
 And so my life went on, everyone else enjoying their more awesome super powers. I continued to be an outcast. And I probably should have stayed one. I didn ’ t want to make any enemies, after all. But there came a day that I could no longer take being the social outcast. And that day… That would be a day that my town would never forget. 
 
 I was a junior in college and there was a party going on. When I showed up, people wanted nothing to do with me. And so I made my way into my own little corner, which became populated with a lot of good looking women rather quickly. And I found myself in luck when they all wanted some pina coladas. They needed coconuts. And I was just the man to supply them. 
 
 I also revealed an ability to everyone that I had kept hidden. With the blink of an eye everyone at the party found themselves wearing a coconut bra. And the DJ found his headphones replaced with coconuts. I could fashion any sort of clothing out of coconuts instantly. 
 
 And then the final party trick that really got everyone loving me. You see, it wasn ’ t really the coconut that killed me. It was gravity. And so I loosened the gravity at the party and we all enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness. 
 
 Needless to say, the rest of the party started to go well for me until the very end. Some of the frat guys didn ’ t like how popular I ’ d become with the ladies. And I was a tinny bit drunk myself. 
 
 One of them threw a punch at me. Blood spurted everywhere as they were crushed by an unbearable amount of gravity. A couple other frat guys came at me. Soon everyone around was drenched in blood. A few more minutes passed by and I found myself staring at strange sights. It was becoming apparent that someone had spiked my punch, as I would normally never do such things. 
 
 Honestly, it ’ s hard to remember what I did. I know that a few more people were crushed. I prefer not to think about that. And then I think I let a few people float up into the oblivion of the sky. Curiously I didn ’ t see any fireworks. In my drugged state, I thought I may see them burn in the atmosphere, but there was nothing. Later I remember dropping a few people from midair with a sudden burst of gravity. And I know that there was something to do with causing people to bounce all over the place, but I can ’ t remember. 
 
 Oh, and why am I recounting this? Well, I don ’ t really know myself. I just woke up to half my town in ruins, almost as if it had been crushed by an invisible fist. And what appears to be a whole bunch of angry people in bloody clothes rushing at me. Well, a few of them are naked and aflame too. I figure it must be all the people I killed. But I have a fool proof plan. I cause a coconut to drop on my head, but I increase the gravity on the coconut so that it crushes through my skull. 
 
 Finally I wake up, alive again, surrounded by a lot of angry people. The flaw in my plan? Killing myself by falling coconut again wasn ’ t going to grant me any new superpowers to help me out, so yeah. 
 
 -293
