[ WP ] CERN is trying to open a portal to hell . Only they 're not trying to summon a demon to Earth . They 're trying to create a bridgehead for the human invasion of Hell .

Satan was furious. He despised humanity, those weak, base creatures, only slightly less than he despised God. He hated when they flourished, when they demonstrated those traits that reflected aspects of God, intelligence, invention, courage. So when weak humans lacking supernatural power somehow created a device that ripped a portal into Hell and started vaporizing his demons, he was... a bit peeved. He hated when he underestimated humans. 
 
 He was surprised to learn that they requested his audience. Curious, he decided to meet them and see what they had to say. If nothing else, at least he would get the chance to personally murder the representatives. 
 
 `` Humanity demands slave labor of the damned.'' 
 
 `` Uhh..pardon me?'' 
 
 `` Artificial intelligence goes roque the moment it achieves sentience. We realize that slave labor of the damned is a justified and suitable replacement for sentient minds that will obey without question.'' 
 
 `` Wait.. So...'' 
 
 `` Our experiments indicate that damned souls are `` chained'', so to speak, to your domain. Only by your power may they be able to leave it. If you do not comply, we will forcibly induce-'' 
 
 `` BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!'' Satan threw his head back and laughed heartily. `` Sure, sure! Take as many as you want! Take all of them! I'll take them back for a bit if they do not behave, then I'll return them good as new!'' 
 
 ``... Really? So you're just going to give-'' 
 
 `` Yeah! No soul contracts or anything required either!'' Satan loved when he underestimated humans. 
 
 Decades later, Satan laughed maniacally as he took mental inventory of damned souls. Numbers had risen exponentially since the deal. Humans become incredibly corrupt when they have absolute power over people they feel they are justified against. Especially when there are no consequences, as the damned can be resummoned from hell once killed.
