[ WP ] You play a game with the Devil . If he wins , he gets your eternal soul , but if you win , you get his .

*** 
 
 At a Gamblers Anonymous meeting: 
 
 *** 
 
 `` Okay, who would like to go next'' The leader asked. `` You, sir? You're new, would you like to go? Come right on up.'' 
 
 The leader took a seat while the newcomer walked up to the podium. He was wearing a white robe-thing and sandals, and his skin was a dark olive complexion. He began his story. 
 
 `` Hi, I'm Jesus Christ and I'm a gambling addict.'' 
 
 `` Hi Jesus!'' The attendees replied in unison. 
 
 `` Today is the first time I've been able to admit that I have a problem, mostly because my dad's been really angry with me lately. I finally hit rock bottom and I had to go to him for help. I know a lot of you have gambled to the point where you had no money left, but I gambled away something far more precious... My eternal soul.'' 
 
 The attendees let out gasps, shocked to hear it. 
 
 `` I started gambling a few years ago. It was just a harmless bet on the Super Bowl. I knew the Packers were going to win because they're actually the best football team there is, and so when I won the bet, I felt such a great rush. granted, it was only $ 50 and a pack of Miller, but come one, you all know that feeling, right?'' 
 
 The attendees all murmured their assent. 
 
 `` Well, I started betting on other things. Sometimes I won and sometimes I did n't. Finally, a year ago, I gambled all of my money away and had to start using different forms of collateral to cover my bets.'' 
 
 The attendees murmured in assent once again, as all of them had bet their possessions when funds were low. 
 
 `` I started betting on miracles. If I lost, I'd have to perform a miracle for someone. Now you probably do n't know this, but performing miracles takes a lot of energy. The best way I can describe it is that I feel *super* hung over for like a week, and if I try to do another miracle while I'm recovering, it triples the effect.'' 
 
 The attendees expressed shock at this revelation. 
 
 `` But a few weeks ago, I had to do 8 miracles because of all my losses, and I was in a really bad state of mind. Even though I was hurting, I was ready to bet anything for that winner's rush. And that's when I was approached by the Devil.'' 
 
 The attendees gasped again. 
 
 `` Satan told me he had been watching for a while as I had my fun. He said I was a gambler unlike anyone he had ever seen in hell before and he wanted my soul for his collection. Of course, I'm Jesus Christ, your Lord and Savior, so he ca n't just take my soul like he could with one of yours.'' 
 
 `` So he asked me to wager my soul in a bet. If he won, he got my soul, if I won, I got his soul. Now I had been on a losing streak, but I felt like the streak was about to end and my luck was about to change. And this kind of win would have been the ultimate rush. I could bring it home to show my dad and he'd be all proud, and I could quit gambling for good.'' 
 
 The attendees nodded encouragingly. 
 
 `` But it all went so wrong.'' 
 
 `` Satan bet me that Tom Brady would get his suspension overturned for his role in the deflated footballs scandal, and he'd be able to play the whole season. Now, Satan's been a Patriots fan for the *longest* time and I was really thinking that his bet was just the same arrogant'nuh-uh!' thinking of all the other Patriots fans. Plus I hate Tom Brady with his whole'golden boy' routine, so of course, I took the bet.'' 
 
 `` And then the suspension got overturned...'' 
 
 `` My dad knew right away what had happened the moment I handed over my soul to Satan. You just ca n't hide something like that from the big man. He poofed into hell the moment I finished shaking hands with Satan in his office. He just gave me a look and told me to wait outside. The last thing I saw before walking out the door was an exasperated look on dad's face and a very amused Satan struggling to hold in his laughter. I knew that, even though my dad could get me out of this, Satan would never let him live it down.'' 
 
 The attendees expressed looks of understanding, for they had all been in such a situation. 
 
 `` Dad walked out of Satan's office with my soul, but he refused to give it back to me, and then we both poofed out of hell and back to our home. I tried asking my dad how he had gotten my soul back, but I do n't think Satan offered a lot of resistance. The fact that the event occurred had put Satan one-up over my dad, and to Satan, that was the true victory for him, that and Tom Brady being un-suspended.'' 
 
 The attendees, all being normal, sane, and intelligent human beings not from the northeastern USA, scowled, for they hated Tom Brady and the Patriots as well. 
 
 `` Anyway, so my dad kept my soul for a few weeks and grounded me to my room until I finally realized how damaging my gambling was. I finally realized, without having my soul, that I'm actually a gambling addict. And now, with your help, I want to recover and be clean from gambling.'' 
 
 The attendees clapped. 
 
 `` Thanks for listening, everyone! Goodnight!'' And Jesus stepped off the podium.
