[ WP ] Everytime someone has a 'blonde moment ' they get a little blonder . Black hair is now a symbol of brilliance , and you 've just invented hair dye .

Technically, I ’ m not breaking any law, though I doubt that argument would stand up in court. If you knew me in real life you wouldn ’ t look at me twice. I don ’ t look like a criminal type. Smart, well-dressed but not ostentatious. Polite, well-mannered. Intelligent, but not strikingly so. Perhaps you ’ d think in my line of work, you ’ d go the whole way and present yourself as a genius. But that ’ s the kind of thing that gets people caught. Like driving a Jaguar when you ’ re supposed to be unemployed. No, a mousey-brown is good enough. Socially acceptable, without drawing attention. 
 
 I never planned to become a drug dealer. It just happened. I saw a need, and I had the means to fulfil that need. I see myself as a humanitarian. Besides, as I said, it ’ s not technically illegal. I mean it ’ s illegal to lie to an employer about your qualifications, so the people who use my drug may be guilty of that. But on the other hand, isn ’ t it their fault for accepting people ’ s hair colour as a qualification of intelligence in the first place? 
 
 Of course, that ’ s an academic argument. No jury would buy it if I ever had to stand before them. We ’ re all so used to judging people based on their appearance. It ’ s become such a part of the way we interact with each other it might as well be a law. A law of nature. If a Low Grade walked into a Upper Grade toilet dressed as a brunette, well there ’ d be uproar. If they found out of course. 
 
 But my product is better than the usual crap out there. The reeking bricks in plastic wrap that desperate people trade in dark alleys behind pubs and abandoned offices. The stuff that fools no one and just makes people look at them with pity. The more liberal people pretend to tolerate their unnatural pretence. But children point and adults whisper behind their back, and giggle, and make excuses not to talk to them. But my stuff actually works. Its not made of charcoal and shit. Its premium quality. As long as you make sure to keep using it every week then it ’ s undetectable, unless a doctor examines you. And at that point you ’ re caught anyway. 
 
 I sell about a hundred shades, from the top of Grade Five, to the bottom of Grade Two. Once someone ’ s known as a Grade One there ’ s no helping them. Most people just want to remain where they are, they ’ ve made a bad decision and they ’ re terrified of showing it. For those at the edges of the Gradings any slip-up must be terrifying. I ’ ve heard of people being disowned by their parents out of shame. No wonder there ’ s such a market for this stuff. And of course, once a guy starts using it, they ’ ve got to keep buying more, or they ’ ll get caught. Not my fault though, I couldn ’ t figure out how to make a permanent version. I tried. Just because it means they have to keep coming back each week for their next dose doesn ’ t make me a bad person. 
 
 There are those who are greedy of course. Those who want to rise in society, and think they can pull off the con. If they ’ re too light then I don ’ t deal with them. Prejudiced maybe, but I ’ ve got my own life to consider. If a hay-seed or a honey-pot gets caught, any detective worth their salt will be able to trick them into giving me up. Offensive? Sorry, I suppose I should know better than to use those words. But you know what I mean. Those people just can ’ t be trusted. You know what I ’ m talking about. I ’ m not prejudiced though. Some of my best friends are blondes. 
 
 No, I generally match shades, or give someone a couple of shades up. Too much and its dangerous. It ’ s harder to pretend to be someone you ’ re not than most people would think. I tried going up six shades at first. I almost got caught when I was chatting to a Grade Four and I accidently got the capital of Peru wrong. I could feel his suspicion, I felt so terrified and ashamed. Over the next month I subtly shifted myself down a few shades so as not to come across so suspicious. I can pass for a mid-range Grade Three I think, just about, if I ’ m careful. 
 
 Besides, I ’ m not hurting anyone. If someone wants to pretend to be someone they aren ’ t, a bit smarter, a bit more how they imagine themselves to be, why shouldn ’ t they? None of us can help the way we ’ re made. Dumb or smart, we ’ re all humans. Its society that ’ s to blame, with the segregation, the prejudice. The shame that parents feel when they find out their beloved son is a silverback. If I can help to smooth out those difference, to help that son keep his mom talking to him, to stop some poor girl from losing her job – surely that ’ s a good thing. Right? 
 
 **Edit**: Wow, thank for the gold. I'm glad people like it. I've posted part two below as a thank you for everyone who upvoted and the nice comments.
