[ WP ] Someone accidentally hired two narrators , but instead of of firing one , they both narrate the story .

Frank gazed into the mirror, himself reflecting on his physique. He was n't, he considered, an attractive man. Bald, pot belly, more than a few scars, he knew that- 
 
 I'm sorry, are we talking about the same person? He's clearly bald*ing*. See that hair right there? Not bald. And chicks dig scars. 
 
 Chicks? What kind of narrator are you? What's next, having Frank here pick up a cigar and ponder about all the'dames' he's lost? 
 
 At least that'd be setting a little atmosphere! All we know now is that he's in a bathroom, maybe! There's a mirror. That's it. We do n't even know what time it is! 
 
 It's afternoon- 
 
 *Afternoon? * Who's looking in a mirror in the afternoon? You look into a mirror when you get up in the morning and when you go to bed. Why's he there now? 
 
 Well if you'd just let me get on with the exposition you'd find out! 
 
 Oh, everything's exposition with you. Why show the reader anything when you can just tell them! `` Frank was ugly, Frank was gazing at himself in the afternoon for some damn reason.'' That's you. That's what you sound like. 
 
 Real mature. Are we going to tell a story, or what? 
 
 Fine, allow me: Motes of dust reflected in the sunlight. See that? Ambiance! Setting a scene! You should try it sometime! 
 
 Sunlight? Frank is clearly in a bathroom, where's this sunlight coming from? 
 
 Bathrooms can have windows! Like up high where people ca n't look in to you while you shower, but still, they're there. 
 
 Okay, but dust? Bathrooms are humid, where's this dust coming from? 
 
 It's not important, okay! It's just a visual aid- 
 
 Well if you're going to get visual, you need to not break suspension of disbelief! 
 
 `` Um, guys?'' Frank said. 
 
 Wait, can he hear us? 
 
 No, he ca n't hear us. 
 
 `` I can hear you,'' Frank said. 
 
 Shit! 
 
 Shit! 
 
 Wait, this is your doing, is n't it? You've run out of creative ideas and so now you're having Frank break the fourth wall. Very clever, I'm sure our readers will love that. 
 
 You're so bad at this that nobody's going to be able to tell that sentence was sarcastic. 
 
 *Show*, do n't *tell*! `` `` I'm a good narrator!'' The other narrator was being sarcastic.'' That's you. That's what you sound like. 
 
 Is that the only insult you know? `` That's you, that's what you sound like?'' 
 
 I've never said `` Is that the only insult you know'', how can that be what I sound like? 
 
 No, I was asking whether the `` That's you'' phrase was your only insult- 
 
 Well maybe if you were a better narrator you would have gotten across your meaning better! 
 
 Well maybe if *you* were- 
 
 `` Guys!'' Frank said. 
 
 Shit, right, the broken fourth wall. Do you think our union insurance will cover that? 
 
 They'd fucking better after all this trouble. 
 
 So what are we going to do about Frank? 
 
 I've got an idea: Suddenly, Frank died, thus ending the story. 
 
 `` No I did n't,'' Frank said. 
 
 That's not a very satisfactory ending, just having him die. Were n't you just complaining to me about'showing' not'telling'? 
 
 Fine! Frank clutched his hand to his chest- 
 
 `` No I'm not'' 
 
 I said he clutched his hand to his chest! Then he said, `` Curse this congenital heart defect!'' 
 
 `` I've been screened for heart problems,'' Frank said. 
 
 AND THEN FRANK DIED. 
 
 `` No,'' Frank repeated, `` I did n't.'' 
 
 I do n't think it worked. 
 
 Well do you have any better ideas? 
 
 `` Listen,'' Frank said, `` I do n't know what your problem is with each other, but it's getting pretty tiring. I'm just going to go to work now, all right?'' 
 
 Does... does that count as a satisfying ending? 
 
 I think that's as good as we're going to get. Let's get the hell out of here before we have to narrate something else! 
 
 `` And they lived happily ever after,'' Frank grumbled. `` Morons.''
