[ WP ] You 've been mistaken as a highly trained assassin but you 're actually just an average person . The only reason you 're still alive is because your targets die on their own by accident .

Joe `` Papa'' Fulginzi, Robert `` Muggs'' Leano, and Lucy Di Marzio. 
 
 Until two days ago, I did n't know who these people were. In fact, I could have cared less about them than I do about goat farmers in India. But they do n't call me Bad Luck McGee for nothing. 
 
 So picture it, night time, little Italian place off of Main and 3rd. Maggie and I are there having our once a month `` soiree'' cause, face it, times are tough in this economy. Between the two of us, it takes all month to save up for this little luxury of ours. 
 
 Anyways, I had just gotten my Lasagna when some jackhole busts in the door. Would n't you know it though, I just happened to be sitting close to the door and when the man busts in, he trips on my chair as he starts to shoot up the place. And to top it off, one of his bullets ricochets around and hit to poor sap right in the head. 
 
 So there's Maggie, screaming her head off as I'm getting up from the floor and just by instinct, I pick up the gat. Well what do you know. Here comes `` Big Eddie'', which is funny cause he ai n't so big, but he says to me, `` I saw what happened and I got to say, I'm impressed. The Don wishes to show his appreciation for saving his life and wants to talk to you.'' 
 
 `` But I... I...'' I stammered out. 
 
 He put his hand up to my mouth. `` Not another word.....I did n't catch your name.'' 
 
 `` Buck McGee.'' 
 
 `` Well alright Buck, not another word until you see the Don. Follow me.'' 
 
 To make a long story short, the bozo's thought because I was holding the gat that I had shot the guy! Oh man was I in trouble now. Then to top it off, The Don gave me a hitlist. A HITLIST! Like I was some kind of assassin or something. 
 
 Though I got to say, 30 g's each time of these people get bumped is very nice. Maggie and I finally got that house over on 16th. You know, the one with the little porch that's painted blue. Anyways, the thing is, I ai n't actually killing these people. It's like I just suck the luck out of them. 
 
 `` Papa'' Fulginzi was the first. He died when the elevator he was riding in malfunctioned. He was on the 20th floor when the cable snapped. Well guess who else was on the 20th floor. I was. Thing is, I did n't even know he was there. I had gotten on the elevator see, then right as the door was about to shut, I dropped some papers I was carrying. Some of the went out the door so I stepped of to get them and by the time I was done, the doors had shut and the elevator was on its way. About ten seconds later, I heard the snap and the rush as the thing came crashing down. It was surreal to say the least. 
 
 The story of `` Muggs'' is n't as exciting though. Maggie and I are back at the Italian place after they got it cleaned up for lunch one day. You know, just sitting there having a nice meal. Well, in the door comes `` Muggs'' by himself. He sits down and orders. Next thing we know, he's clutching his chest and slumps over dead. Coroner ruled it poisoning. And guess who the Don thinks did it? Yeah, this guy. 
 
 Lucy Di Marzio sure was a looker until just the other day. A green eyed brunette with a mouth to match. Boy! If Maggie and I was n't.....never mind. Anyways, so I'm at work at the local meat packing plant. One of the few jobs I was able to find at the time. I mean, even though I was getting kick backs from the mob, I was raised to work hard so yeah. Regardless, in walks Lucy with the inspection team. I only recognize her from the photos. I might add they were rather `` candid'' photos if you catch my drift. She was a looker. So, as they're coming by my station, the heel on her shoe breaks and she falls down. This is where things go downhill fast for her. Her hair gets caught up in the feeder belt near the press machine for the patties. Without getting into details, I'll just say she was `` pressed for time.'' That was awful. Do n't write that down please. 
 
 So that's the story for far and it's why I'm here. You can take every word I've said for the truth cause that's how it happened. You need to lock me up before someone else gets hurt. If something was to happen to Maggie..... Please officer, just put me in a cell for a few years and see what happens. Maybe the Don will forget about -- -
