[ WP ] `` Why would you throw your life away like this ? ''

“ Why would you throw your life away like this? ” she asked, calm as always. Eyes narrowed, scrutinising every infinitesimal change in my expression for some sign that I was changing my mind. I tried to keep my expression blank as I searched for the words to answer. Far below me, the water was dark and swirling. Intimidating, or inviting; I was not sure which at this point. 
 
 “ I just… I… I can ’ t explain this. I can ’ t make you understand. You ’ ve never done anything irrational in your life! Everything you do it ’ s… it ’ s calculated, it ’ s meticulously planned out. You can ’ t imagine why I would do this, not because you think it ’ s wrong, because you ’ ve never done anything spontaneous or reckless or… you ’ ve never done anything! You can stand there, judging me, but really you know- ” 
 
 “ That everything I ’ ve ever done was predetermined? ” 
 
 “ No! That ’ s not what I meant. I mean everything has just been planned out for you already. You don ’ t know what it ’ s like to question everything around you, and you ’ ve never stopped to consider why! ” I could hear myself shouting now, but I wasn ’ t sure I was angry at her or myself. 
 
 “ Have you? ” she shot back instantly, “ why do you think we ’ re so different? You see this one outcome as the only option. You talk about acting irrationally, spontaneously, and yet I know you ’ ve been planning this moment for weeks, thinking over every detail. ” She stepped forward, hand outstretched, but I backed away instinctively. “ You worry that I know you better than you know yourself. ” 
 “ You don ’ t know me! ” again, I was shouting. 
 
 “ Really? ” she asked, eyebrows raised in mock surprise, “ I know that you don ’ t know who you are without me. I know that you lie awake at night, just wondering why you ’ re so different to everyone else. I know that you pride yourself on being able to see every situation from every angle, but you ’ re so completely single-minded that you can ’ t see this one scenario from anyone else ’ s perspective. ” For the first time that evening, a flicker of emotion crossed her face. Her eyes betrayed her as they pleaded with me, but her tone remained unchanged as she said, “ do you know what will happen to me if you go through with this? ” 
 
 I did know. Although I was not going to admit it at that moment, I knew what would happen to her. I cursed myself for letting her come with me. Although nothing she ’ d said could have changed my mind, somehow her presence was enough to make me doubt everything. I stepped back from the cliff edge. Her mouth moved into an almost imperceptible smile. 
 
 “ You ’ re not real. ” I said, as we made our way back down to the car park. 
 
 “ I know. ” 
 
 “ Why are you here? ” I asked, sighing. Of course, I knew the answer. In a way, I ’ d invited her. 
 
 “ You tell me. You ’ re the one who chose not to take his medication today. ” 

