[ WP ] You are a marriage counselor secretly trying to destroy the marriage of a couple you counsel . It looks like you 're failing .

`` So... have you ever considered having extra marital relationships with other people? Maybe visit a Swinger Club to heat things up a bit in the bedroom? It is perfectly natural that people have, well, certain desires that can not be met by their long term spouses.'' 
 
 My hands, previously trying to underline my words with miniscule gestures, formed a little tent as I slowly leaned back into my comfortable leather armchair and waited for the inevitable to unfold. 
 
 `` You mean... like, a three-way?'' 
 
 Susan seemed reluctant to take the bait, her eyes were fluttering about the room nervously and her tongue was moving around restlessly in her closed mouth, as if trying to remove a bad flavour. 
 
 `` Just to name one possibility, yes. There are all kind of things one can attempt when it comes to this specific field. It can be very healthy to leave one's comfort zone every now and again.'' 
 
 Any second now, Anthony would make his biggest mistake. He would express interest in the proposal, his eyes would glint with lust, and Susan would never forget the time he admitted to desiring other women sexually. Keeping the smirk from my face seemed to get more difficult with every passing second. 
 
 `` Do n't forget, this is a safe environment, if you ca n't express your innermost selves here and compromise together, then where can you?'' 
 
 I kept pushing on, doing my darndest to underline my words with harmless puppy eyes. 
 
 But it was Susan, again, who broke the silence. 
 
 `` We have been doing that for years. It is an integral part of our relationship, and to be frank, Anthony and I are getting rather bored of it.'' 
 
 Anthony nodded, agreeingly. Perfectly genuine, too. 
 
 `` Yeah, it has lost its charm. Has gotten pretty dull by now, really.'' 
 
 Shocked, I realised that those two would be my hardest customers. For years now had I been working hand in hand with the local divorce attorneys, always receiving a generous cut once I transferred a couple from counseling to one of their offices. But Mr. and Mrs. Finnigan would give me a hell of a hard time. 
 
 Desperately, I tried to collect my thoughts and remember all the psychological weapons at my disposal, trying to find out which one might do the trick. 
 
 `` Is it true that you, Susan, wanted to have children when you were freshly married, but Anthony refused? Even though that he had previously stated that he, too, wanted kids?'' 
 
 Anthony smiled, a big, happy grin. 
 
 `` That's accurate, Doc. But to be fair, around that time, my older brother, Dave, had just had his first child. Everything he told me made me realise that having kids would only complicate our extraordinary relationship.'' 
 
 `` I have come to agree with him on that point after the first time we had to take care of our little nephew Tommy for a week. It was hell. When his parents came to pick him up after their short vacation, they looked like someone had just sucked all happiness out of their lives. Dave picked him up, and with the look he had on his face, I could swear he was contemplating on dropping him to the ground and running off.'' 
 
 Both of them broke out in honest, warm laughter. 
 
 `` Poor Dave!'' 
 
 
 I was baffled. This could n't be happening! Why in the name of all that can be bought with cold, hard cash did these people even seek out counseling in the first place?! I was at the end of my wits. Five sessions. Five soul crushing, time wasting sessions with the Finnigans, and they seemed stronger together than your average last-5-minutes-of-rom-com-movie couple. 
 
 I hated them. 
 
 
 I hated them more than I could express in words. 
 
 
 `` Why exactly did you come to my office? You stated you had some problems, but you never elaborated. For five weeks now have I tried to figure out what's wrong with your relationship and how we could possibly, uhm, fix this. But I do n't even see the issue here!'' 
 
 There was a very noticeable sound of desperation in my voice, I could hear it. The gestures of my hands, usually calm, seemed to be more fitting for a madman as I wrung and shook my arms around. 
 
 The Finnigans exchanged a glance, then looked at me, bemusement and maybe just a touch of pity in their happy, beady little evil, EVIL eyes. 
 
 God how I hated them. 
 
 `` Well, I do n't know if calling it a problem in the first place was too accurate. There are n't any issues, really. We were merely trying to find ways to further improve our relationship. We're happier than ever, but we just wanted to find possibilities to increase our love and affection for one another. We thought you might have some good ideas or would be able to help?'' 
 
 That was the last straw. 
 
 I jumped from my chair, eyes bulging out of my head, spittle coming from the corners of my mouth. 
 
 `` GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE, YOU INSUFFERABLE SHITHEADS!'' 
 
 They looked scared now. If only I could have seen my face in that moment, I'm sure I would have been, too. 
 
 `` OUT! OUT! OOOOUUUT!'' 
 
 
 
... 
 
 And that, my friends, is how I lost my license to perform as a couple's counselor, my business partners and most of my money. My life is a living hell now, it seems almost impossible to make ends meet, and what for? Only so a couple of people might stay married and die together, happily, after years of treasured companionship? 
 
 Pah! Fuck them! 
 
 
 
 
 God, how I hate those Finnigans!
