[ WP ] After dying , God asks you : `` So , how was heaven ? ''

`` What?'' 
 
 `` You know, the place where you just were.'' 
 
 `` What are you talking about? That was Earth.'' 
 
 `` No, that was heaven.'' 
 
 `` This is a joke, right?'' 
 
 ``... No, I'm pretty serious, bud.'' 
 
 `` *That* was heaven? Seriously?'' 
 
 `` Hey man, do n't hate. That took me like six whole days.'' 
 
 `` That was a piece of crap! You know how shitty my life was?'' 
 
 `` Yes, but I tuned out half way through. You were getting boring... and smelly.'' 
 
 `` Could n't you have at least helped me?'' 
 
 `` Pfft, why?'' 
 
 `` I do n't know, because you're benevolent or some shit?'' 
 
 `` Hey, watch your language man, that's not cool. My son's here.'' 
 
 `` Sorry Jesus. Anyways, why did n't you do anything to help me?'' 
 
 `` Did n't feel like it.'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Just did n't feel like it.'' 
 
 `` Are you kidding me? What the he- heck kind of attitude is that?'' 
 
 `` Hey, fuck you man. You made your choices.'' 
 
 `` No, fuck you! Is this some kind of joke? Satan, are you there?'' 
 
 `` Nah, he's dead. Been for a while now. Overdose.'' 
 
 `` Well, alright... but what about the pain and suffering in Heaven?'' 
 
 `` Well, if you did n't know either of'em, how would you know what heaven would feel like? Remember the whole'count your blessings' deal?'' 
 
 `` I... well... shit.'' 
 
 `` Mhmmmm, got you there, did n't I?'' 
 
 `` Well you do n't have to be a little shit about it. So uh... what happens now?'' 
 
 `` What do you mean?'' 
 
 `` You know... now that I've died in heaven and all...'' 
 
 `` Well, I guess you're going to hell. It's like heaven, but surprisingly cold. I know, weird right? I kinda fucked that up by accident. Also, there's some wicked poutine down there. You just have to shovel every morning and wear like three layers each time you go outside.'' 
 
 `` Canada?''
