[ WP ] A new god is born , and he promises you his support in exchange for you making his religion known .

Last night I hit God with my car. 
 
 I was backing out of my driveway when I felt something large below the tires but did not stop in time to avoid rolling over it with a sickening ***Thud*** 
 
 My stomach pin-wheeled as I gingerly put the car in park to see what I had hit. I had barely stepped foot outside the car when a tall, lanky teenager bounced up to meet me. 
 
 `` Ahh!!!'' I gasped. `` Are you okay?'' 
 
 He brushed back the shaggy, chestnut hair falling across his face to meet my concerned gaze. Inquisitive green eyes surveyed me before looking down at a dark, red stain that was quickly expanding across his thigh. 
 
 `` Shit! That looks bad - we need to get you to a hospital!!'' Hearing the shrill urgency in my voice, he grinned, amused. 
 
 No, I do n't think that will be necessary. But may I sit for a moment inside your house?'' 
 
 *Drugs? * I pondered to myself. *Why else would someone hemorrhaging blood be so resistant to the hospital? * 
 
 `` I'm not on drugs and I'm not even bleeding anymore. Look here.'' 
 
 My eyes widened at his quick response to words I was certain I had not said aloud. One look at his leg confirmed that the pair of jeans that had been rapidly soaking up blood a moment ago was now reversing its course somehow - expanses of faded, blue cloth were spreading to replace the wet, red stains until, within seconds, no trace of the wound remained. 
 
 `` What the hell?'' 
 
 -- 
 
 5 minutes later the disheveled teenage was resting his no-longer-bloody legs comfortably on my couch while I perched on a piano stool, hands gripping either side in case I was to witness more medical miracles. 
 
 `` What's your name?'' He asked abruptly. 
 
 `` Jennifer. Jennifer Abramson.'' 
 
 `` Jennifer! Thank you - it's nice to meet you. I am a nascent God of this Universe.'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry?'' I asked incredulously. 
 
 `` I am a divine being who you humans refer to as a God. I am nascent, meaning recently born, thus my human form at the moment.'' 
 
 `` If you're God how did you not know my name?'' 
 
 `` Again, limitations of my current form. It seemed easier to ask you than to seriously challenge this shell's sub-standard cognitive functions by identifying your name through other means.'' 
 
 I stared, mouth hanging slightly open. 
 
 Mistaking my bewilderment for injury, he quickly added, `` sub-standard, compared to a God's manner of being, of course - compared to many other things on this planet your cognitive skills are quite... splendid.'' 
 
 In a conversation which was more confusing with every sentence, there was one thing that I was sure of - he did seem quite.... other-worldly. Like a distant tourist who had studied human beings, but had no practice interacting with them. 
 
 `` So are you **THE** god?'' 
 
 `` I am **A** God - there are many. Which is why I wanted to speak to you, Jennifer. You see a new age is rising. My age. I'm about to join my brothers and sisters in …'' he pauses and shakes his head, re-considering. 
 
 `` Never mind you would n't know where that is…. But anyway I'm about to join them and make my mark on our universe. But, before I do, it's important that I have as much support from lower life forms as possible. Since we ran into each other anyway, it seemed a divine opportunity to enlist your services.'' 
 
 `` My services?'' I continued staring, dumbfounded. 
 
 `` Yes.'' He said crisply, slight annoyance flashing across his face at my apparent ignorance. `` You see, many other Gods have an established following - Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, they all have a massive advantage in terms of their established audiences, particularly on Earth. I need to reach more people. But I need a human's help to do it.'' 
 
 `` Me?'' 
 
 `` Yes, very good!!'' He exclaimed, overjoyed at my comprehension. `` I could make it worth your while if you agree to bring as many masses to worship me as you can.'' 
 
 `` Worth my while… could my family and I be guaranteed spots in Heaven?'' I held my breath, awed by the gravity of the negotiation that we were speeding through in half the time I spent researching my average EBay purchase. 
 
 `` No.'' He said dismissively. `` There is no heaven. I'm not sure why that's such a misconception, but there's never been one. You all would really be quite uncomfortable where we divinities reside. It's much better for you the way things work now.'' 
 
 My chest tightened and I rose from my stool and began pacing. He watched quizzically, tolerating but not endorsing what he seemed to perceive as childish behavior. 
 
 `` Anything else you want though! I'm still finding my domain, obviously - but, ummm… I could make you a new animal and….and.... name it after you! I'd say I could kill your worst enemy for you, but I do n't want to promise something I ca n't deliver on if there are political considerations once I get home. I could give you the option for immaculate conception - that's kind of cool, right?'' 
 
 I stared blankly, overwhelmed. He seemed to read this as feigned disinterest - a clear indication that I would be no pushover just because this was a negotiation with God. 
 
 `` Look, I'm just spouting off, I'm exhausted and barely even know what I'm saying. But rest assured, I am immensely powerful and can help you achieve your wildest dreams in this world. There's no rush on deciding what those are. Just tell me you'll help me - tell me you'll spread the word and do your best to bring as many humans as possible to worship me. If you can promise me that, we have a deal.'' 
 
 I stopped pacing and turned, stared coolly at his hopeful face. `` How many people do you want me to bring you? And how exactly do I go about doing that? I do n't even know what to tell people about you - what is it you want people to believe? What are the …the tenets of your religion?'' 
 
 `` Oh.'' He paused, considering my question. His eyes clouded with uncertainty for a split second before he snapped upright decisively. 
 
 `` You know what? I'm not really that worried about all the details - you would know what humans find most meaningful, most moving. Just do whatever that would be. And, the same goes for how you spread the word. I'm sure if you do some brainstorming, you'll think of something. Twitter? Maybe Tweet it? And remember, I can send help or fulfill your wishes at any time, as long as our agreement stands.'' 
 
 Suddenly he crossed to the front hallway, heading for the door. I guess silence is as good as assent? 
 
 `` Wait!!!'' I yell desperately as he reaches for the front door. With one exasperated eyebrow arching upwards, he turns to me, impatient. 
 
 `` Why are you doing this? Is there some great war between the gods? Should we be afraid?'' 
 
 His boyish features soften in amusement. 
 
 `` No! Nothing like that. It is very serious though - we have an annual contest. Whoever has the most followers gets a little certificate and some extra privileges. It's definitely a big deal and I have to come in strong to have a chance.'' 
 
 `` So thank you, Jennifer for your help'' he winked, and then, with the stilted enthusiasm of a bad actor delivering a commercial catchphrase, concluded: 
 
 `` I'll be watching over you!''
