[ WP ] You are a immortal during the zombie apocalypse , During the apocalypse the zombies ignore you and you try to live a normal life during the outbreak .

`` I've really just stopped giving a fuck. The zombies have been mostly chill anyway. I mean, sure, they did kill everyone I know. Other than that though, they pretty much leave me the hell alone. I even got to keep my dog, who is... 20 by now? He even still cuddles with me! Although, he wo n't play fetch with a ball anymore. We have to use raw meat for that now,'' you say. The zombie in front of you jolts at the mention of meat. The suspended walkways above the stage sway slightly under you with the zombie's movements. 
 
 `` Which is hell, by the way. Keeping raw meat around the house without having walkers barge in all over the place means high security. I have to keep the raw meat in a huge freezer I stole from the next door neighbors, who have since been zombified. That freezer is padlocked in a cellar in my placement, which I also had to padlock with special titanium shit from Home Depot. So when I play fetch with the damn dog, I have to unlock all of that shit and relock it behind me so zombies do n't come in and steal it all. Then I have redo that all again, only going up the stairs. Fetch only lasts like 4 minutes anyway. Bongo usually wo n't give up the meat for too long.'' The zombie has started drooling a brown liquid which you hear plopping sloppily onto the stage below. 
 
 `` Man, that's pretty gross. Do you need a tissue, man?'' You take out an old bandana from your pocket and wipe down the zombie's mouth in front of you. He opens his mouth, presses his empty gums against your fingers, than quickly pushes away from your skin. He pushes you away with both hands, seemingly disgusted by the taste of your skin. `` You zombies are super rude. Do you know how offensive it is that I'm the only person you do n't want to eat?'' you say. The bandana feels wet and unexpectedly cold in your hand. The dark liquid starts to leak onto your hand. `` Ugh, fuck. You can keep that buddy. You need it more than me,'' you say, wrapping the bandana around the zombies face, cowboy style. His drool no longer drips down on the stage, but soaks into the red bandana. 
 
 `` Really though, everything else is actually pretty great. I can take anything I want from neighbors or stores. I'm a vegetarian now, so I do n't have to fight over food with zombies, so I've started gardening.'' The zombie leans his head back, now unable to let the liquid drain from his mouth. He begins gargling the liquid in his throat. `` Hey, shut up. Gardening can be manly. Especially in the apocalypse! Do you know how hard it is to find uninfected fertilizer around here? Really fucking hard. Gardening is awesome and you suck. You especially suck because you're dead. I mean, really man. How the fuck did you get zombified up in the fucking rafters in the high school auditorium and then never fall down? Where is the person that zombified you? Are you the original zombie? Hahahaha,'' you say, patting the zombie on the back. `` Thanks for the therapy session again, man. Ca n't wait to see you next week!'' 
 
 You descend the spooky spiral staircase onto the stage. Next destination on the list is Home Depot. Seriously, Home Depot is the most important place when you're the only person alive in the zombie apocalypse. 
 
 In the foyer of the school, empty of zombies, you hear the older, dusty security door creak in front of you. It does n't stop you from proceeding forward. Zombie intrusions are n't unfamiliar to you anymore. Except this time, you see a hand sneak through the crack of the door, searching for a light switch. The hand is absolutely covered in really normal, almost clean skin. The fingers do n't even look starved! 
 
 Confusing excitement fills you. It's been so long since you've seen a human that's living. Will this be awkward? What do I say? 
 
 The hand searches the wall up and down, unable to find anything. You are used to sitting in darkness since all the power went out years ago, so this must be a survivor that stays outside a lot! How exciting! Maybe they went off into the woods like all the movies! Or maybe zombies do n't bother this person either! You can build a life together! A lump rises in your throat as you try to come up with something to say. 
 
 The door begins opening, and a woman's figure is silhouetted by the blazing light outside. 
 
 You try to say, `` Welcome, it's so nice to meet you!'' but the lump in your throat stops the sound short. You choke, cough, and gargle. Your throat tenses up. It hurts. You ca n't form any words. 
 
 The girl sees your figure in the dark, hears a watering gurgling noise from you, shouts,'' ZOMBIE! RUN BACK TO BASE!'' and turns to run. You hear a group of feet pounding away on the pavement. 
 
 `` Yeah, fuck you too,'' you say as the door swings closed.
