[ WP ] It is the second coming of Jesus . But much to everybody 's shock and horror , Jesus is an angsty , emo , heavy metal loving teenager .

`` Whatever, it's all pointless anyways,'' Jesus said as he removed the cancer from a man's body. 
 
 `` Psh, life is darkness, it's not like this matters,'' he said as he cured a woman's blindness. 
 
 `` It's not like people are really ever going anywhere,'' the boy said while healing a cripple's legs. 
 
 People really were grateful for all the help, but the resounding opinion was that the second coming was a bit of a downer. We get it, Jesus, your dad's an asshole who put you on this Earth just to suffer. It'd be nice if he had n't put you here to make us suffer too. Just last week he started a tumblr, and to be completely honest, none of us can tell if it's any different than any of the other teen tumblrs. It's just rambling about suffering and terrible poetry. He even has this bit about how life rhymes with strife!
