[ EU ] After a string of random murders , Batman is on a mission to stop a psychopath murderer named Patrick Batman .

**DISCLAIMER I KNOW ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT BATMAN UNIVERSE** 
 
 `` God dammit, not another one. How many is this now, Alfred?'' 
 
 `` 17, Mr. Wayne'' The man butler replied, as he gently passed a white hankerchief to the growingly stressed out man. 
 
 Wiping the sweat from his brow, Bruce was going to need some backup with this case. Things were getting out of hand. The only evidence this maniac was leaving behind was his name. Not all of it, mind you, only the last name. 
 
 `` Batman, Batman, Batman'' Bruce repeated in disbelief. `` Of all the names for this guy to have, it *would* be my alias.'' 
 
 Grabbing the remote control, Bruce flipped off the news, leaving only a blank screen in it's wake. He scoffed at the irony of the situation, the blankness of the television was similar to his own thoughts. How do you catch a killer when the whole city of Gotham now thinks you are the one responsible? 
 
 Bruce looked around the bedroom, Alfred had departed the richly decorated room, leaving the billionaire to his own devices. The hardwood floor was cold beneath Bruce's bare feet, making the hair on his neck stand. A small wisp of cold air danced around the man's chisled torso, air too cold to come from inside. 
 
 A window, slightly ajar was letting freezing air penetrate the warmth of the house. Odd though, as Bruce strolled over to the far side of the room, he did n't remember Alfred opening any windows.... 
 
 In an instant, Bruce felt leather press up tight to his back, with a sharp metal object held close to his neck. 
 
 `` Hello there Brucey, enjoying a nice day as a murderer?'' 
 
 `` Hello, Catwoman, welcome into my home, and I am not a murderer!'' 
 
 `` I know, I just like seeing you squirm the same way I like my seafood, wriggling and raw'' As she slowly pressed her teeth into Bruce's neck. 
 
 The goosebumps rose for the second time, as did something else lower on the man's body. 
 
 Seeing that Bruce was properly teased, Catwoman let go of Bruce as he struggled to keep his erection from being too obvious. 
 
 `` Oh go on, put your weapon away, and I'll put mine away'' Catwoman laughed as she retracted her metal claws, and went to lay on the bed. 
 
 Catwoman was adorned in skintight black leather with her trademark cat ears, a whip attached to her hip, and a small utility belt hugged her flat stomach perfectly. Her breasts were very poorly covered by the open-collared design of her suit. 
 
 Finally managing to get his penis to calm down. Bruce walked briskly to the piano in the corner of the large bedroom and played a small series of seemingly random notes on the keyboard. 
 
 Catwoman, posing like a beach model on the comfortable silk sheets, waited for something to happen, as if on cue, the floor -no- something deep beneath the floor started to move. The sound of metal on concrete, followed by the sliding sound of a metal grate which was further followed by the sound of an elevator starting to rise. 
 
 The sliding of bookcases snapped Catwoman from her daydreamed state, Bruce took the lead from here on out. Walking into the elevator, Catwoman followed, as did Alfred, who unexpectedly decided he wanted in on this adventure. 
 
 `` Fuck off, Alfred. You're not invited.'' 
 
 `` But Master Way-'' 
 
 `` Dammit Alfred!'' 
 
 `` As you command, Master Wayne'' Mumbled the disappointed butler. 
 
 After Alfred got off the elevator, Bruce pulled a needlessly large lever and the elevator grates slid noisily shut. On cue, the elevator began to decend, slowly at first, and then began to pick up speed. 
 
 `` That's a pretty big lever you got yourself there, Batty, Is everything in this house that big?'' She said with a wink. 
 
 `` Oh fuck you'' Bruce said, growing annoyed. 
 
 Stepping off the elevator, Bruce went straight for the computers, and logged under his username and password. 
 
 `` Is there actual bats in here? How big is this place? Are the ones that hang down stalagmites or stalagtites? My teacher told me about this rules to remember which was which, but I always get confused because they sound so similar.'' Catwoman spewed from her increasingly unfiltered mouth. 
 
 `` Stop talking, and cover your eyes, I'm doing important Batman stuff'' 
 
 Typing on the sleek glass keyboard, window after window popped up on the screen, news reports, porn, archived files, porn, police sirens, porn, data from all the villians in Gotham, and porn. Clicking furiously on the keyboard, the true Batman finally found what he was looking for, opening up the intercepted email of a certain Patrick Batman. 
 
 `` Incredible, It seems that he is working with the Joker, **and with bane! **'' Bruce exclaimed, obviously pleased with his findings. 
 
 Looking around the large, daunting cave, Catwoman finally seemed interested in what was going on. 
 
 `` Oh, So this is the guy you've been looking for then?'' She said flippantly. 
 
 `` Yes, as you can see in this email, Patrick Batman, who I will be referring to as PB -for simplicity- is conspiring with Joker, and also conspiring with that horrible brute of a man, Bane.'' Bruce said, trying to get the sexy woman to bend over and look at the screen. 
 
 `` Hmm, yeah, Bane is quite the brute. PB and J working together is what worries me most, The Joker never works with anyone, Bane is at least reasonable at times'' Catwoman said, as she scratched her head in worry. 
 
 Trying to think of a plan, Batman stood out of the chair and began to pace back and forth on the hard stone floors of the batcave. Catwoman too, attempted to brainstorm on where they could even begin to start, and more importantly, what was in it for her. 
 
 `` I've got a plan, I'll try to reason with Bane about this PB and Mr. J working together, to see if I can get him to turn his back on this serial killer, and you try and find some intel on the whereabouts of this Patrick... Batman.'' Bruce said, as he spat on the ground. 
 
 `` Sounds like a plan, when are you ready to leave?'' She said, as she straightend herself up, mentally preparing for what lay ahead. 
 
 `` I keep my batsuit down here, ready to be equipped at all times, we can get across town driving my Batmobile, if you would prefer to catch a ride with me instead of walking. I can be ready to leave in ten minutes or so.'' Bruce said 
 
 `` That seems reasona-'' 
 
 `` Master Wayne! Wait! Your food is ready! Just like you wanted it!'' Alfred came running in with a silver platter in his hands. 
 
 `` What the hell, no, what are you talking about this time?'' Bruce shouted at the old man, beyond frustrated at this point. 
 
 `` Just like you wanted my lord, I was listening in to what you two were saying, and I thought you would be most pleased!'' 
 
 Bruce, curiousity beginning to mount, walked slowly towards the silver platter, head at an incline as if trying to get more details about what lay beneath the silver dish. Grasping the metallic handle, Bruce unveiled what appeared to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a mango, and a glass of milk. 
 
 `` Exactly what you wanted Mr. Wayne, I heard you say'PB & J' enough times to know that this is what you were wanting! You also said'fruit' a rather alarmingly high number of times too, so I thought a mango would help y-'' 
 
 Without saying a word, Bruce grabbed the mango and chucked it deep within the cave, a loud thud annouced the completion of it's unexpected journey. 
 
 `` No! Dammit Alfred, I said Patrick Batman and Joker, not sandwich! And I said brute, Bruuuuuute, not fruit!'' Bruce said, exasperated. 
 
 Catwoman, feeling awkward, walked quietly into the Batmobile, and sat in the passenger's seat, waiting for the Batman to finish pummeling the old butler with the diagonally cut sandwich halves. 
 

