[ WP ] Peter Pan is a serial killer who uses pixie dust to cause little children to jump off windows in the hopes of being able to fly .

`` Peter you do n't have to do this again! Stay home with me and watch the episode of Homeland with me!'' 
 
 `` You know I think Homeland is just over sensationalized garbage written by the Right to get us to buy into their Islamophobic rhetoric,'' i said as I took a long pull from the half-empty liter of Captain Morgan I stole from the liquor store last night. 
 
 `` Please Petey,'' she pleaded with me. `` Just stay in for the night with me and I'll give you a back rub and we can smoke the last of the pot.'' 
 
 As much as I did like getting a little high, my doc says it was only amplifying the `` schizophrenic'' voices in my head. 
 
 `` I'm leaving for the night Wendy,'' I said as I grabbed my green hat from the kitchen counter and threw the rest of the bottle of rum into a flask. 
 
 `` God damnit Peter,'' Wendy said as she turned around and saw the mess I had made in the kitchen. `` at least throw away your hot pocket sleeves. They are piling up again and you know we ca n't afford Consuela anymore to clean up after you. 
 
 `` Shut the fuck up Wendy, you know I've been looking all over for a new job, but there's no auto insurance companies hiring anymore since practically everyone has a autonomous vehicle these days. Every rich 16 year old that used to pay the highest premiums now has a Tesla Model C.'' I said as I screwed the cap on my flask and used the sleeve of my dark green old navy hoodie to wipe up the rum on the white countertop. `` They are laying off people nation wide.'' 
 
 I grabbed my brown satchel and threw my green Eagles beenie on my unkept red mop of hair and bolted to the door. 
 
 `` Do n't you even think about messing with the Lost Boys again and getting into their sheninagnas,'' she said as I heard the bubbles percolate in the Illadelph. `` I saw a story on the news tonight again about the poor crazed 5th graders jumping from their balconies. 
 
 I slammed the door and called Nips once I adjusted the seat in Wendy's light blue Toyota Camry. 
 
 `` Are we still on for tonight'' I asked as I backed out of the driveway and turned down the radio. 
 
 `` Yeah we got a couple visits tonight,'' he said in a whisper. `` Do you have the stuff?'' 
 
 I reached over to the passenger seat and checked to see if I had the last of the Hook's pixie dust in my satchel. 
 
 `` I got it. Send me the location and I'll be there shortly.'' 
 
 I drove around the block a couple times until I got a text from Nips with the location. I copied it into google maps and was on my way. Driving around at night without Wendy usually gives me anxiety but tonight was really bad. I could n't stop thinking that someone was following me. Every couple of seconds I was checking the rear view mirror to see if I was being followed. I swear a red pickup truck was trailing me at every turn and I could n't seem to shake him. Up until the last left turn down the street the boy lived at the truck was just 100 feet behind me. My heart ceased to pound as hard once I saw the large white Dodge Caravan at the end of the cul-de-sac and did n't see any one behind me. 
 
 I parked behind the van, wiped the sweat from my bros with my sleave, and looked at myself in the rear view mirror to make sure I did n't look as drunk and sleep deprived as I was. I walked up the side door of the van, grabbed the handle and slid the door to the right. The door slowly opened and I saw all of the boys in their usual seats. There was Tootles in the driver's seat, Slightly in the passenger seat, and the twins in the far smiling with bloodshot eyes, and then Nibs and Curly sitting up straight in the captain seats. 
 
 Curly appeared on edge, he glanced up for a second to look at me and then went back to counting the money he had in a brown paper bag. His mop of blonde hair reflected the moonlight and produced a weird looking shadow on the top of the car. Nibs looked directly at me with a large Ziploc bag full of dark green shake in his hand and said, `` Do you have the dust?'' 
 
 `` Yes I told you I did,'' I snapped back at him. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. `` Do you want me to do the usual? What room is his bedroom and are you SURE he is asleep'' 
 
 `` We saw the lights go off in his room an hour ago. The coast is clear, just fly up to the windowsill and prop it open and give him the usual spiel. We watched Peter Pan with him earlier so he'll totally believe the whole pixie dust makes you fly thing.'' 
 
 `` Alright. I am just getting a little worried that we are gon na get caught guys. Wendy saw on the news that there are people investigating this matter and looking for us. I do n't want to go to jail, I've spent one night there and it blows.'' 
 
 `` Look Peter, the kid owes us hundreds of dollars and he has refused to pay us for 2 months. He may be our friend but he really has fucked us. We ca n't keep messing around if we want to be taken seriously as drug dealers.'' 
 
 `` Okay fine. I'll sprinkle some dust on him and tell him to fly with me like usual. I'll hold his hand and jump off the windowsill and as soon as he falls to his death you all need to get off your ass and clean up the mess on the driveway.'' I glanced back at the stoned as fuck twins in the back. `` I'm looking at you two.'' 
 
 They laughed and slapped high fives. 
 
 I swiped the bag of kush out of Nibs' hand. Ever since I got fired, I had to resort to tricking kids into thinking they could fly to help the Lost Boys hold their dealers accountable. I jumped high into the air and whooooshed up to the windowsill on the front side of the house. I almost crashed into the wall on the account that I was borderline black out but I could almost fly better than I could drive at this point. It was almost my 41st birthday so I'm kind of an expert at this point. I flung open the window and gently floated down to the carpet. I turned around to slowly close the window behind me. 
 
 I tiptoed over to the queen size bed, dodging a windy plastic racecar track and tiny metal toy cars that were flung over all over the room. All over the walls were pictures of famous NASCAR drivers. I really did n't agree with the Lost Boys' policy of selling to minors but I did n't really try to dissuade them. I tiptoed over to the queen size bed, flung back the covers, and saw a old man with a hook lying there with a M-16 pointed straight at my face. 
 
 `` Got you now Peter,'' he said as he pulled the trigger.
