[ WP ] [ TT ] The oldest person in the world is now officially a person who is a veteran of every single war his country has been in since WW1 . Reporters ask him how he has lived so long . His answer ? `` Make sure death is too afraid to come for you . ''

I finally had my chance to meet the world's oldest man. My flight to reach Atlanta would only take three hours, an ample amount of time to conjure up some questions for him. As I was left to my thoughts ( given Abbie had been fast asleep ), I had to think of something that would make me sound unique. Not some fanboy that loves America a bit *too* much. 
 
 Or maybe I could use that to my advantage... 
 
 Either way, I took the folded newspaper out of my backpack to read one more time: **World's oldest living veteran tells secret for immortality. ** I was so perplexed that I *couldn't* resist meeting the man that could scare Death. 
 
 In what seemed like an eternity, the plane finally landed in Atlanta and I had everything I wanted to ask neatly filed away in the confines of my conscience. Abbie followed closely behind, hand in mine as we maneuvered through the crowds of people and passed through the front doors of the airport. Our taxi was waiting in the loading bay. 
 
 `` So what are you gon na say to this guy when we see'em?'' She asked as we grabbed our seats in the cab. 
 
 `` First thing's first,'' I replied, `` I wan na know how many women he's boned since WWI, and if they've gotten easier since then.'' 
 
 `` You're such a pig.'' 
 
 `` *Oink, oink, *'' I replied. 
 
 The cab took us to a cottage-style house on an acre of land. There an old man sat in his rocking chair, picking away at the strings of his banjo and tuning it. We quickly exited the taxi and handed the driver a 20 before heading up to the house. 
 
 I could see the cold look in his sunken, aged eyes a mile away. There was no mistake-I was n't wanted there. 
 
 
 Which was all the greater motivation to press on, for me. 
 
 `` Ho-lee shit,'' the old man started, putting his banjo down and getting up from his chair. `` Y'know, there's a reason why I live out in the middle of daggum nowhere.'' 
 
 `` Yes sir, we just had a few questions if you would n't mind,'' Abbie said. 
 
 With a sigh, he coldly responded. `` Damn city slickers just ca n't leave well enough alone' can'ya.'' 
 
 We walked up to his front porch as he invited us in. Mounted deer heads adorned each free spot on his cabin-style walls. I took a moment to appreciate the rich Cherokee heritage that resonated from both the numerous dream catchers and the many braided colors strung about. The old man plopped down in his wooden chair by the fireplace. 
 
 `` What do you wan na know.'' 
 
 `` Well.. A starter would be me asking your favorite rifle in the war.'' 
 
 
 `` **Which war, *'''' he said in a raspy harshness. 
 
 `` Err- two?'' 
 
 His eyebrows were perched high above his eyes, and his wrinkled forehead showed me he was n't in the mood for games. 
 
 `` Two,'' I confirmed. 
 
 `` Well, technology was much more advanced since the great war,'' he started. `` Many fellers liked the Tommy gun, but I was more of a M1 Garand kinda cowboy.'' 
 
 `` Do you still have it?'' 
 
 `` The rifle? Naw. Some Jap done took it when I was a P.O.W.'' 
 
 `` How'd you get out of that fix?'' 
 
 `` I gutted the slant-eyed rat bastard with his own molars and ripped the rest of the camp's throats out when they slept with nothi'n more than a sharp toothpick.'' 
 
 My eyes lighted up in shock. 
 
 `` Heh, that one never gets old.'' 
 
 `` I can see why Death's afraid of you,'' I said. 
 
 `` That sumbich wanted to take me long ago- so I beat'em with his own scythe.'' 
 
 `` That's all?'' I asked, turning to look at Abbie who was now visibly nausis from the old man's stories. 
 
 `` Well I also choked him into submission with some barbed wire I found layi'n round, but that ai n't no fun less you got gloves, y'know?'' 
 
 Abbie excused herself to the restroom to vomit. 
 
 `` Well, this has been fun,'' I said as I stood up, regretting my decision to come here. 
 
 `` Woah, what's the hurry? Ai n't you got time to hear about the one where my airborne team and I were ambushed by a pack of wolves and I-'' 
 
 `` No thank you, I've heard enough.'' 
 
 
 Abbie and I left and never visited Atlanta ever again.
