[ WP ] You run an RPG pawn shop . You haggle with adventurers who try to sell loot they 've acquired .

`` VRUDASH BACK!!!!'' 
 
 `` Oh for f.... Hello Vrudash. Good to see you aga.. *WIPE YOUR GODS DAMNED BOOTS OFF BEFORE YOU COME IN AT LEAST PLEASE??? *'' 
 
 `` WAAT? OH. Oh. Vrudash sorry. Goblin Blood and guts kind of stick to Vrudash boots.'' 
 
 `` I know. I know it does. Every damn time you go dungeon raiding with your friends you end up covered in stuff. Just.. ugh.. good lord, I think you have some guts stuck in your dredlocks too...'' 
 
 `` VRUDASH DOZZ?? AW.. DAMMIT VRUDASH JUST GET HAIR DONE LAST WEEK TO.. EERRK... WAT.. WAT DIS??'' 
 
 `` Looks like an Eyestalk. You.. kill a Beholder?'' 
 
 `` URR.. ME THINK SO? BIG FLOATY THING WITH BUNCH OF EYES?'' 
 
 `` Yeah. That's a Beholder.'' 
 
 `` YAH YAH. ME STOMP LIKE.. FOUR OF THEM.'' 
 
 ``... You killed four Beholders? In one Adventure?'' 
 
 `` YAH.'' 
 
 ``... Honestly, Vru, for you thats a bit lacking. Just four?'' 
 
 `` SHUDDUP. VRUDASH HAVE COLD. SLOW DOWN. WAS ON STOOPID COLD MEDICINE. GROGGY AND STUFF. Anyways.. me bring stuff...'' 
 
 *The sounds of a sack being emptied of random jewels, coins, knicknacks, the sound of a goat hitting the counter and running for the exit in fear..* 
 
 ``... Oookay. Lets see what we got. Some gold Ruritanian coins.. some mixed gold and silver Styginian coins. I can change those into the Kings Crowns for you. Usual exchange rate...'' 
 
 `` VRUDASH COOL WIT DAT. EXCHANGE RATE IS STILL BETTER THAN WELLS FARGO.'' 
 
 `` Yeah. C'mon, I'm not a common thief here... hmmm.. some +1 Longswords.. a couple of +2 Daggers. Some Moss-Agates... kinda small and not exactly well cut but I can get a couple crowns for these too. Hmm.. Nice Ruby, good cut.. oh wait, this is Glass Vru. I'll give you ten silver crowns for that. Huh.. whats this?.. Oh hey! Nice! A Grouthanian Spellbook!'' 
 
 `` WAT? OH THAT. YAH... UM.. THAT NOT REALLY FOR SALE UH..'' 
 
 ``... Really? You're learning Magic now, my half-orc Barbarian friend?'' 
 
 `` MAGIC IS FOR WUSSIES AND STOOPID ELVES AND PEOPLE WHO LISTEN TO FOLK MUSIC. VRUDASH NO LEARN MAGIC. PFFTT.'' 
 
 `` And you are n't selling this? You sure? These things are... well they are kinda expensive.'' 
 
 ``... reeellie???'' 
 
 `` Oh yeah! Absolutely.. lets take a look.. Hmm.. Orgeskin binding. Grouthanian Parchment. Hmmm.. Mithirillium Alloy padlock.. looks smashed but I know someone who could probably repair it. The pages look silver edged too. Very nice quality I... wait a second.'' 
 
 ``... Um.. wat?'' 
 
 ``... Someone drew a bunch of pictures of big, green half-orc dicks over these spells...'' 
 
 `` Um..'' 
 
 `` Big. Thick. Veiny green half-orc dicks. On EVERY PAGE.'' 
 
 `` Yeahhh'bout dat.. I uhh..'' 
 
 `` BIG. GREEN DICKS. EVERYWHERE. I mean, I turn a page. BOOM. BIG GREEN DICK.'' 
 
 `` VRUDASH FOUND BOOK LIKE DAT.'' 
 
 `` In Crayon. CRAYON. Vrudash, did you.. no. You know what. I do n't even care. Ugh. I'll give you 2 gold crowns for it.'' 
 
 `` WAT. BUT..'' 
 
 `` The crayon ruined the spells. If I wipe off the crayon I ruin the spells. This spellbook is almost completely useless. 2 crowns. Keep arguing and it'll be 1. And do n't bother telling me you'll shop around. No one will take this, and the Guild of Wizards will just nuke your big moss-colored ass to oblivion for what you've done to this..'' 
 
 ``.... Vrudash get 3 crowns in Trade in value instead?'' 
 
 ``.... You're a bastard, Vrudash. You're a complete bastard. I'll give you 2 gold crowns in store credit and a small bag of hot salted squirrel-chunks.'' 
 
 `` OOO SQUIRREL CHUNKS TASTY. DEAL.'' 
 

