[ PI ] Departure From E-DoN - FEB CONTEST

Hello! Your writing style is great: clean and elegant, not too elaborately wordy. The story reads like a fable. The setting, too, is very neat: I was picturing Neve's home as a sort of domed rural-Edwardian town. I loved the symbolism with the bee, and the little nods to the Adam and Eve story. 
 
 I do agree with /u/avrienne that the made-up words may ( e.g. napples, cariot, faretheebye ), for some readers, detract from the story. I subscribe to the theory that, when writing fantasy/spec/sci-fi, unless there's a reason to use a different name for a common thing, you should just use what it's called in order to minimize confusion in the reader. A reader who's thinking `` Is a *napple* supposed to be, like, a regular apple? Or like, an apple mixed with a nut?'' is a reader who is distracted from what's really going in the story. 
 
 I also wonder if you used the modes of address you wanted to use consistently; at points it was `` Neve'', `` Mistress Neve'', or `` Neve-Fem''. A small point, but I did n't get which was appropriate when. 
 
 I also would have liked to understand more of the relationship between Neve and Cadam; there is mention of them having grown up together but it'd be nice to understand better why their love is different from the spousal relationships of the others -- why it is that the two of them are so bonded. Perhaps more reminiscing about them growing up together? As it is, I liked Cadam as a character, but he was a bit too perfect. 
 
 Do n't take the above as me not liking the story. I liked it very much and it definitely sustained my attention all the way through! It takes balls ( lady-balls? ) to write something this quiet and contemplative in a contest where a lot of the entries will tend towards action. Great work and good luck!
