[ WP ] I won a bet . My friend has to read a poem in front of a live audience at a poetry reading tomorrow night . I get to write whatever I want for his poem . Help me write this poem .

Somewhat NSFW, 
 works best if your friend wears jeans to the poetry reading. 
 
 ( Serpent Surprise ) 
 
 I woke up today with a snake'twixt my legs 
 
 It coiled with grace and poise and rage 
 
 Flickering tongue and roaming eye 
 
 Hissing sibilant lullabies- 
 
 Kind of reminds me of my ex. 
 
 The girl was NUTS, but great at sex. 
 
 Her cries would ring throughout the house 
 
 A voice much like a wounded grouse. 
 
 One day I hid beneath my bed 
 
 Expecting her, but then instead 
 
 The boogeyman appeared and laughed 
 
 My fear had just been photographed! 
 
 He'd waited for the perfect crime 
 
 ( Some fool would try from time to time 
 
 To plunge into the Lurking Dark 
 
 Unknowingly, The B-man's Mark ). 
 
 And so he struck with wicked guile 
 
 Lips curled into a hideous smile 
 
 He took my soul in Polaroid 
 
 My manlihood ( alas ) destroyed 
 
 Which tells you why this reptile green 
 
 Shivering with an oily sheen 
 
 Migrates out from from my favorite jeans 
 
 Trouser snakes are real, it seems.
