[ WP ] The dead can be resurrected , but only through one method : pregnancy .

It's a struggle, this necromancy business. All I wanted was to bring back the Lord and Master for Earth's Final Reckoning. Not a big ask! And yet it's taken me thirty years to find the necessary books amidst the chaotic dark magic libraries. Those are hard enough to find, hidden beneath the basements of old French hospitals or in the hidden coves of Indian burial grounds. I've traveled the world in search of the answers to Life and Death, but now. Now, I hold the key in my hands, bound in blood and leather. 
 
 The conditions required for the ceremony are as I would expect; a full moon, 5 black candles, a meeting point on the crossing of ley lines, and apparently the semen of a virile man. I'm not sure about the last element, but I'm sure all will become clear. 
 
 I sit on the cold earth in the centre of the elaborate platform I have drawn in virgin spilled blood, with the book in front of me, and chant the words I have learnt in the dead of night for weeks, until they could roll off my tongue like quicksilver as they do now. The candles drip where they burn with green flames and the wax runs onto the grass, cooling instantly in the misty air. Moonlight shines on my face, breaking out from cloud, at the moment I finish chanting. Everything is going exactly to plan, second to second as the book describes. 
 Now comes the, well, more strange element, but who am I to second guess old dark magic? 
 I drink the semen from the crystal vial, mixed with my own blood. Nothing happens. 
 
 I drop the glass to the ground and flick through the book with shaking fingers. This is n't right! The world should have `` turned upside down and dragged the cruel fingers of Life through my body'', then `` borne the Dead from the legs of the Caster''. The Lord has not returned. There is no body rising from at my feet, no clawing at the soil. I feel nothing, no sensation expect roiling panic. This is useless, the book must be wrong, too old for proper magic working. 
 
 I stand up, adjusting my balls where the material of my ceremonial robes has rubbed and itched against them. My feet feel swollen and sore and my legs shake, most likely from sitting for such a long time. I'm famished from the spell work as well - I need some chocolate to re-energise me.
