[ WP ] When you murder someone you gain their knowledge . You really should not have killed your latest target .

I feel like this is n't my best work, but here it is. 
 
 I squeezed his throat until I heard the last breath. People believe that a last breath is dramatic and loud. It's not. It sounds like the last little bit of air escaping a balloon. I held on for another full minute just in case this job decided to pull a Lazarus. The Lazarus is extremely rare, but not unheard of. It happened once early in my career. So I held on. 
 
 Once everything was quiet I let go to brace myself. I closed my eyes. You never want to be outside when the knowledge hits you. It's like a night of binge drinking squeezed into about five minutes. People of my profession avoid being seen, and if the knowledge hits you in public, emergency services WILL be called. Most people collapse. Some people cry. I stopped crying after my third target, but I still collapse and shake until it's over. 
 
 The edge of my vision turned red slowly. I turned my head as if to look away. Then it hit. My soul was suddenly coiled like a spring. A wave of paranoia hit me and every fiber of my being just wanted to die. He was a vet. I saw the war. I saw the missing limbs. I saw the pieces of brains on his boots. I saw him taking the enemy to the trench behind the base. I saw him take kids to the trench! I threw up for the first time in my career as an assassin, and still the knowledge came. Everything was justified and nothing made any sense. He was the monster and then he was n't as the enemy beheaded the children and placed their heads on spikes right outside of his compound. Every part of me felt as if I needed to get out of my own skin. I could n't take it anymore! 
 
 It suddenly stopped and I was once again myself. I felt sick to my stomach. I could n't block out the images and the anxiety! I looked around his room for anything to help and all I could see was red flags! There were boxes of groceries that had been delivered through the mail. He rarely left his house! There were medications galore on the table! How could I have missed this?! Had I become so careless as to ignore my surroundings? Could I have been so focused on my 10th kill that I had completely forgot my training? The signs were all there. And then I realized: it would n't have mattered. It was a job that had to be done. It would n't have mattered. 
 
 I lurched to the table and took his benzos—more than was prescribed, ignoring the urge to take them all and end it. Then, I sat on the floor by the table crying like a baby as the knowledge of war and death. I sat there with visions of mutilated children dancing across my eyes until the benzos kicked in and numbed everything. 
 
 In the haze of the medication, I looked around the room and suddenly knew why I was here. There was a safe in the wall and I knew what it contained. I walked over and opened it dreading that kind of knowledge. The thumbdrive sat in otherwise empty safe appearing innocent, but containing pictures of conspiracy at all levels of the government. My phone broke the silence. 
 
 “ Hello? ” I whispered. 
 “ Is it done? ” 
 “ Yes. ” I tried to control the shaking of my voice, but my body would n't cooperate. 
 “ Stay there. I'm coming to get you. ” 
 
 Something was wrong. I had always been in charge of my own escapes in the past. 
 
 “ Ok. ” I lied. 
 
 I looked at the thumb drive and the cold dawn of reality hit me. I now had the knowledge. And the killing would n't stop until the knowledge was controlled. 
 
 I could no longer tell what was true and what was paranoia. I wanted to get out of there, but I could n't face the world and everything came crashing down on me all at once. I was still sitting on the floor shaking with indecision when they came through that door to get me.
