[ WP ] You are the newest member of the justice league ; You are Florida man .

My name is Florida Man. 
 
 I had recently lost a promotion to a mean son of a bitch who basically bullied me out of my birthright. Needless to say, I was pissed, so I started hittin the sauce pretty hard. 
 
 Another morning, another headline. 
 
 `` Florida man charged with aggravated assault after hurling a cheese wheel into crowd at Trump rally'' 
 
 `` Florida man wanted in connection to organized crime after Port of Miami officials seize four containers of stolen avocados'' 
 
 `` Florida man detained after aggressively campaigning at local Denny's.'' 
 
 This ca n't be the same Florida Man, can it? 
 
 `` What in tarnation'' I mumble, as I feel my phone start to vibrate. 
 
 It's my brother. I answer my phone to the sound of him laughing like a hyena. 
 
 After 30 uninterrupted minutes of him laughing, he tells me to check my [ email ] ( https: //imgur.com/a/HnmDo ) and hangs up. 
 
 I felt like such a heckin idiot. My name was n't Florida Man. 
 
 My name is Jeb! Governor of the great state of Florida, and I am a real human bean. 
 
 Please clap. 
 
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 This thread may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, MI6, Seal Team Six, Russia and the Justice League for quality assurance purposes. 
 

