[ WP ] Every sentient species in the universe receives a Jesus figure from God . It turns out humanity was the only species to torture and crucify him . You 're an ambassador priest informing the Inter-Galactic Holy Church what your species did .

`` I would like to start off by saying that humanity is honored to have been given audience by the Inter-Galactic Holy Church. I thank the council for receiving us and look forward towards establishing peace and trust between our species.'' 
 
 There was a brief pause as I heard my words being translated into the countless of different dialects of those seated on the high council. Then one of them gesticulated towards me and asked a question in its garbled language. 
 
 The translation reading from my device was as follows: 
 `` It is of no coincidence that all of the species here, all from distant planet systems, have encountered some iteration of the same being that calls itself'the messiah'. In addition, we need to learn more about this being and seek an account of humanity's encounter with it; for it may provide an invaluable key towards answering our questions about this being's existence. Speak so we may understand.'' 
 
 Intimidated by their presence, I bowed my head in an attempt at modesty before speaking, `` those of the high council, when it inhabited the body of one of our species, it came with a message of peace. It had said that there existed a supreme being, only one, and that it was the son of this supreme being. In our anger at what we thought was excessive pride and hubris, we taunted him. In the end, we ended up overpowering him and asking him'if you are really the son of some supreme being, why would it allow us to punish you without consequences?'. 
 
 I paused for a second, all of them were silent. 
 
 `` Anyway, umm, in the end we tortured him and nailed him to a piece of wood until he died.'' 
 
 As the devices translated what I had just said into their many different languages, a look of utter shock came across their faces. Then, unexpectedly... 
 
 THEY CHEERED!!!? 
 
 A being spoke up in an excitedly hushed voice. `` So you killed it by nailing it to a slab of organic material?'' 
 
 `` Was it able to resuscitate itself after you killed it?'' Said another. 
 
 `` Yes, but only once, then it disappeared after showing its wounds to its followers.'' I replied. 
 
 The questions kept pouring in until one of the beings in the high council had to quiet everyone down. 
 
 `` Quiet friends, I know this menace had initially come to all of us with a message of peace then enslaved us when we had least suspected it. Furthermore, I know that we are eager to learn how to defeat it once and for all, but we must conduct ourselves civilly.'' 
 
 `` Wait, so this being was evil?'' I said. 
 
 `` Yes, as evil as they come. It forced each of us to endure 1,000 years of its accursed tyranny before vowing to return during the death of the universe. But, tell me, how did your species gain the knowledge to attack it while in its weaker form?'' 
 
 `` We just thought he was kind of douchey for thinking he was so great I guess.'' 
 
 This word, the being said, `` douchey,'' I like it... it describes the menace well... 
 
 Then an uproarious laughter came over all the beings there as they each spouted out different comments. 
 
 `` Haha, it describes the menace perfectly!'' Said one. 
 `` It reminds me of that one thing that he used to do with the ublak [ sic ], remember that? That was ridiculous, what a snob!'' Said another. 
 `` And it would always say in that whiny voice,'my father is going to get you guys for this in the afterlife!' before killing us with its laser eyes.'' 
 
 `` You and your kind have done well human. Join us in our mission to defeat the menace once and for all and bring peace to the galaxy!'' 
 
 `` Uh, we'll do our best?'' I said with uneasy laughter. 
 
 `` Kill the menace!'' They shouted in response. 

