[ WP ] Your life is run like a television show . Every year you must lead the most interesting life you can , to prevent being cancelled . Cancellation means death . You are the longest running person so far , and last season ended on a big cliffhanger .

*'' My name is Gregory McAlisteroni de Nosa the Third, the most interesting man in the world! And the next season... I retire''. * 
 
 Eight months ago the whole world gasped as I said those words, and since then I've seen them on almost every billboard. They became a new expression, a new meme. There were advertisements in which CEOs of the largest companies - our benevolent gods, our generous sponsors - stated that the would retire as well and take their business with them. A marketing campaign, for sure: they were waiting to see what trick would I pull this time to then repeat it and ride the waves of popularity. 
 
 Of course, nobody in the whole world actually believed that I would actually retire, simply because I had no choice - and when I say that I do n't consider gruesome death a choice. They knew that I was stirring them up, as I always did. How could I, the Champion of WPEC - the World's Prime Entertainment Channel, the biggest promoter of the advertisements, one of the pillars of the corporate economy, leave them? That would imply that the corporations do not hold their word when it comes to the main currency of our world - entertainment. That would imply that they have no power. That was a pill that nobody even contemplated they would have to swallow one day. 
 
 For the last 15 seasons, I have been surviving as I could, trying to earn my freedom. A long time ago I was just another contender in the show, forced to play this cruel game and spin the wheels of the economy for the debt that I got into. Back then I was hoping that my party-hard lifestyle would carry me all the way through to victory, where I would be a free man once more - another man on the other side of the screen. But I never predicted one thing: that I would be too good to leave the show. The public loved me, they did n't want to part with my crazy shenanigans, and the fact that had I failed to entertain them better than everybody else I would be thrown under the road roller never bothered them. To think that I used to be like them... 
 
 They think I still am, but that's not true. The things I've done, the things I've seen... They've changed me, shaped me into someone who had to wear two faces - one for myself, and one for the others. I've heard how the public roared after I harpooned a shark and then rode it, and I've seen other contenders break down in tears because they knew that they could n't top me, and that the audience would relish in their deaths. 
 
 So I decide to up the game one more time. 
 
 As usual, the crowd greets me with deafening cheers. They refuse to believe that I am going to retire. Time to tell them otherwise. 
 
 `` Greetings, beautiful people!'' - I roar, smiling, and in response, I feel another sonic wave of my fans' screams. `` I got ta tell you something important'' - immediately the crowd, all the 11 million people that gathered here, all the kings of this world, go silent. `` While I was playing the game, all my relatives died'' - I say, and the crowd makes the loudest `` Awww!'' sound in the world. 
 
 `` But that's fine because I got you guys!'' - I yell, and people cheer in ecstasy. `` Oh, all the crazy stuff we did! Remember that time when I wrote a mocking letter to that Eastern dictator and almost caused a global conflict?'' - I ask, and the crowd laughs. `` Remember when I made a bomb and tried to blow up the popcorn factory to cause popcorn rain?'' - I ask, and the crowd laughs louder. 
 
 `` Remember'' - I ask in a quiet voice - `` when I said that I would retire?''. 
 
 In response, I only hear the unsure muttering. 
 
 `` That day is today'' - I say, and suddenly the front rows of the stadium start blowing up, cowering the back rows in fire and ashes and blood and bones. In the distance, the sirens start wailing: the city was under attack. 
 
 `` Viva la revolución'' - I say and drop the mic. 
 _______ 
 
 To get my releases ahead of everybody else and get your hands on Advance Reading Copies of my books, subscribe to [ r/Scandalist ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/Scandalist/comments/4n4iu6/authors_message_welcome_new_readers/ )!
