[ WP ] The Three Little Pigs sue the Big Bad Wolf for property damage .

The gravel indicated that the trial had begun. The spectators fell quiet as the Big Bad Wolf, representing himself, began his opening statement: 
 
 `` For years I've been a committed and productive member of this society. I've huffed and I've puffed, and I've done what I was created to do. Tell me, is that such a crime? Put yourself in my position. I did n't ask for this life, this life asked for me. I made the best out of a bad joke, and laughed it off. Now I stand before a jury of my peers, well pigs, and I'm condemned for the same reason I was put on this earth. I tell you, it's not fair; it's simply not fair. If you have any decency and compassion, you will understand my plight and not convict me of these innocuous accusations. You can rebuild a house, make it even better, but you ca n't rebuild a reputation, personal pride, or a sense of dignity. I beseech you, consider my words carefully before you make your final judgment. Thank you.'' 
 
 The crowd was noticeably moved by his words; a slight shuffling of seats was heard as a cacophony of whispers created a sense of belief for the wolf's case and doubt upon the pigs' accusation. Across the aisle, the pigs huddled around each other to discuss their approach. Like the wolf, they were pro se. It was decided that Marcus, the brick-housed pig, would speak on their behalf. 
 
 `` Chickens and cows, sheep and pigeons, my fellow pigs and... wolves, the Big Bad Wolf makes a fine point. We should not judge his predisposition for destruction, that WOULD be unfair, and, consequently, unjust. No, what we should judge is his capacity to control his actions. His `` purpose on this planet'' is not up for debate, so we should show no sympathy for him, only remorse at what he has become. For it was not only my brother Justin's straw house that he destroyed, but also my brother Hunter's house of sticks. If he was so inclined to regret as he states he is, then the first house would've been enough, and no more damage need be done. But alas, this was not so, and an attempt on my house illustrates his recklessness. But I speak before you today not as a victim, but a victor, a champion for the common man. It is because of a justice system like ours that we can overcome such matters with great poise and efficiency. On behalf of my brothers and I, I only ask you, my fellow peers, to consider the ideals of truth, integrity, and dignity, when you make your final decision; and to look upon this case as a precedent for future generations. One that will govern our actions for a more positive and productive society. Thank you.'' 
 
 `` This is bullshit!'' retorted the Big Bad Wolf. He immediately grabbed the pigs and ate them whole. A smile crossed his face as he crossed the room in cuffs on his way to death row.
