[ WP ] Every planet in our solar system has a `` champion '' being that takes on the attributes of the planet itself . The `` champion '' from the sun has created an army to destroy the planets and the 8 ( or 9 ) champions must save the solar system .

`` Halt, Star Horde menace! Or you shall answer to the Champions! Let it be known to you that we count among our ranks the great champion of Earth, William!'' 
 
 Millions of light creatures stopped in their tracks. Disturbed dust plumes rose and blotted out their home orb above. Cydonia had never seen so much movement in one day. 
 
 The planet champions had united and converged here on Mars to deal with the shiny army. William was entirely too perplexed to understand anything, much less how he was breathing, or how he got there in the first place. He could n't be bothered to ponder it. 
 
 `` Now, William, unleash your awful powers!'' cried the planet champions in unison. 
 
 `` I, uh...'' 
 
 `` Now, while they're stunned, do them the unkind gesture of death!'' 
 
 `` Really I ca n't.'' 
 
 Jupiter was a massive smoldering creature with caverns where eyes should be. He was flanked by the other champions: Saturn, Neptune, Mars, Venus, Mercury, Pluto, and Uranus. They were all sorts of crazy looking, William was sure of that. 
 
 `` You are the Champion, William of Earth!'' cried Jupiter, who seemed to close his cavernous eyes, draw what looked like a fist to his puffed out, rocky chest, and proclaim this to no one in particular. 
 
 `` I'm from Duluth,'' said William. 
 
 `` Our champion of the Duluth!'' cried Uranus and Neptune, also puffing out their respective chests, as it were. The glimmering sun horde's advance seemed ceased while they watched the champions deliberate. 
 
 `` I'm in high school,'' continued William. `` I'm alright in shop class I guess.'' 
 
 `` He is the shop master!'' cried Pluto. 
 
 `` He is champion of shop!'' agreed Mars. 
 
 `` Rise and vanquish our bright foe! Turn these perilous creatures to ash!'' Jupiter boomed. 
 
 William scratched his neck and picked a square one from his nose, flicked it away. 
 
 `` Look I think there was a mix-up. I'm not Earth's'champion'. I only won one award, and that was for Pine Wood Derby. You know, Cub Scouts?'' 
 
 `` Indeed.'' Venus lowered what William supposed was a face, simmering with pride. `` Our Pine Wood Derby champion. Rise! Release your Pine Wood Derby Death upon the sun's legions!'' 
 
 William sighed. He stood and stumbled over to the rocky ledge, and looked out toward the horizon, really unsure what these things expected of him. The light creatures numbered surely in the millions, although William was never good at guessing how many gumballs where in the globe so maybe it was thousands. Beside the point. 
 
 `` Release your mighty current and flush these fowl fiends back into sol forever!'' Jupiter shouted, raging at the horde below as he stood beside William. The others gathered behind and started praising William again for this and that. It was entirely too confusing. William shrugged, felt an urge, and pulled down his zipper. 
 
 Uranus blinked, perhaps. William relieved himself into the wind. The champions had stupid looks on whatever, their faces or whatever. Turns out the wind carried the sprinkling pee over the sun creatures, who started exploding in bursts of dark ash. 
 
 `` We are delivered from destruction! All praise to William!'' 
 
 `` All praise! All praise!'' 
 
 The sun creatures were banished back into sol, and William was returned to Duluth where he won third place in a welding competition. 
 
 ______ 
 
 `` I've told you now, doctor, so now you tell me'' said Meredith. `` Is that normal?'' 
 
 `` You saw William doing this? You heard him?'' 
 
 `` Yes, doctor, it's how I told you. He leaves the bathroom door open so I hear everything.'' 
 
 `` I do n't think it's anything to worry about Mrs. Goldstein. It sounds like he's playing a game.'' 
 
 `` But he'll never be able to pop all the bubbles. It just creates more bubbles!'' she insisted. 
 
 `` Such is life, my dear Mrs. Goldstein. Such is life.'' 
 
 
 
 **** 
 
 /u/velabas 
 
 
 

