[ WP ] In the near future , the reanimation of the recently deceased becomes scientifically possible . Despite being illegal in the United States , underground scientists reanimate someone that committed suicide .

When they first brought me back, I was kicking and screaming. I could not control myself. I did n't want to be here. 
 
 Coming back to reality was tough. It started with the creeping anxiety. Then came the gut-wrenching feeling that I did not belong here. 
 
 It's very hard to describe what it's like on the other side. I'd compare it to waking up on a brutally cold winter morning. You're surrounded by a warmth that envelops you completely. You know that you're awake, but you're not asleep. Not a single thought runs through your mind as you lay in the warmth that seems to numb your mind. All you can think is: this is it, this is what I want, this is all I ever need. 
 
 In this state, nothing can harm you, not even your own thoughts. The gut-wrenching thoughts and memories that plagued you before have long been digested by time and no longer matter. Nothing matters in that state. This sea of warmth, it is not something you can see, hear, taste, smell, or touch. It is something that you just *know*. 
 
 All I knew is that I wanted to go back to this state. I did n't want to remember why I had committed suicide so many years ago. I did n't even remember what suicide was until the memories began flooding back in. Waking up was like picking up broken pieces and slowly putting them together. I would often dream of being on the other side again, and I would wake up kicking and screaming like the first time they woke me up. 
 
 Some of the basic things came back really quick. Sleep made me very scared as it felt like my energy was being drained. I screamed and ran around to stay away from that feeling. I did n't know if I would wake up or go back to that place. 
 
 Dr. Vicky came in one day and explained that I would wake up if I went to'sleep'. When she first walked in, I was reminded of the other side. The way she smelled, the warmth that radiated from her, her beautiful voice, and the'hug' that she gave me. I really liked hugs. I felt like I could trust her since she reminded me of the other side. 
 
 She asked very nicely and all I could do was comply. I gave into'sleep' and let myself go. Throughout the night, I would wake up with very bad nightmares. Unfamiliar scenes, people, and places. I asked Dr. Vicky what was wrong with me and she said that she would give me something to help me sleep. Sometimes I would remember something about my life and tell her in detail about my former life. It was like reading a book you memorized or watching a vivid movie that seemed so true. 
 
 Telling her what I remembered brought back more memories. I remembered that I was in the military. Through lots of images and nightmares, Dr. Vicky told me that I had killed some people. I could n't remember who or why but I just felt the deeply pitted guilt that would not leave my mind alone. With the guilt came the depression and my hatred for myself. I knew I did something so horribly wrong but I could not believe it was me. 
 
 How could I do such a thing? I only wanted to sleep, eat food, and talk to Dr. Vicky. The only other scientists I met were the ones that did surgery on me. They did n't talk to me very much and only spoke to Dr. Vicky. 
 
 I would often wake up crying and confused. I did n't feel that I was in my own body. This could n't be me. Why did they bring me back? I did n't want to be here. I just wanted to be back on the other side where it was warm and I did n't have to worry about anything. I did n't have feelings, I did n't have thoughts. I did n't have to talk to Dr. Vicky either. I enjoyed talking to her sometimes but as I talked with her I would remember more things. I did n't want to remember the pain. I did n't want to remember why I had killed myself to escape from what I did to those people. 
 
 They were forcing me to remember. 
 
 Dr. Vicky learned that I did n't want to be here anymore and I think she told the other scientists too. I woke up one day and I was chained to my bed. I could n't kick, I could only scream. Why were they doing this to me? When Dr. Vicky came in, I told her that she did n't have to chain me up anymore because I liked being here now. ( I lied. ) 
 
 They started doing more surgery on me and giving me weird pills that made me feel weird. I would sweat sometimes and throw-up and sometimes I could n't sleep. Through this all I had to lie and tell Dr. Vicky I wanted them to fix me and get better. I would wake up sometimes in the surgery room and have no idea how long they had been operating on me. It felt like forever. When they were finished they would go right back at it again and life as I knew it became a blur. I do n't think I ate anything in a long time but my stomach felt full and there were tubes in that area. If I could n't go back to the other side, I just wanted to be able to sleep and eat food and talk to someone other than Dr. Vicky. 
 
 Usually when they let me out of my room, they would put something over my head. This time, they had to move me from the operating room to my room and there were so many tubes everywhere they could n't cover my head. They thought I was sleeping but they did n't know that it was all a blur for me anyway. On the way back, I seen more and more rooms similar to mine. 
 
 Were they like my room? I had to find out. I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted to find out if they are like me. If they had been to the other side. I could n't move much for awhile in my room and Dr. Vicky would come in with some scientists sometimes but she would n't talk to me. Eventually all I had left was a feeding tube and some bandages. I could sleep in my own bed now but it still hurt. They gave me more pills than before too. They were worse than the others though. The headaches, the nausea, the blurry vision. I did n't like it all. 
 
 One day the scientists came in without Dr. Vicky. I kept near the door when they came in and they were surprised. I smiled at them and just said I fell out of bed and tried to get their attention. I got a glimpse of the other doors and I thought I seen Dr. Vicky a few doors away. It was very dimly lit. I was n't sure. 
 
 Was I prisoner or was I free? I did n't know and I did n't want to be here any more. Like a wild animal, I went for the scientist's throats. More memories came back. I remember hurting other people. This was n't something new. They tried to get away but I grabbed one of their pencils and tried really hard to puncture their throats. Eventually I gave up and just strangled him. 
 
 I was free now. I'm sorry I had to hurt people but I did n't belong here. I opened the door across the room and met a man like me. Lots of tubes, a shaved head, same clothes. He told me that I should n't be in here and that they'd kill me once they found me. I did n't care. I did n't want to live. I just wanted to speak to this man. Maybe he knew something I did n't know. 
 
 He told me that he hated being here too and only wanted to be on the other side where it was warm and there was no pain. He said that this is n't the first time I came into his room. I did n't have the time to ask him what he meant or why they brought us back or why I hate being here so much because Dr. Vicky and people with guns came into the room. I could n't fight because I did n't want to hurt Dr. Vicky. They took me away to another room. It was really dark and really cold. I could see my breath in this room. Behind me was a bunch of big drawers and equipment that hummed away. 
 
 They made me get onto my knees and Dr. Vicky told me that what I did was very wrong and that I could n't be here anymore. I felt like I let her down. I was crying and shaking with terror. When she grabbed the syringe and put it near my neck, I remembered what I had done. Like those children, I was on my knees waiting to die. The world was very new and exciting. It was a place to be explored. I did n't want to die right now, I still had to figure out everything. The needle was pretty cold and after that all I remember was being on the other side. A deep warmth, no memories, no worries. A careless state of idleness. 
 
 The next I remember was me kicking and screaming... 

