[ WP ] A schizophrenic begins to discover that their condition is actually something much , much more than what it was originally believed to be .

I am Jack Bergon and I am going insane. 
 
 It has been almost a year since the doctor diagnosed me with a mental disorder, and ten months of being aware. 
 
 `` Schizophrenia'' the doctor said, putting down his notebook, - `` You are suffering from schizophrenia, Jack. The voices are not spirits or gods, it is all in your head, an illusion created by your brain.'' 
 
 I was relieved at first. Relieved that it was all not true. It was all an illusion, something that went undone in my brain. The voices whispered of things to come or things that went, so much that I could not tell what is now. Even then I vividly remember the delicate voice behind me whisper `` The doctor will draw his last breath this night.'' 
 
 And so it was. A fire had consumed the doctor and his house just an hour before midnight. I found out only a few days later, reading a morning newspaper. I mostly had the mornings to myself those days, the voices silent and my thoughts firm. It did not register in my mind what actually happened, at first. I remember merely being saddened at first, and soon after, alarmed. I consider that to be day one of being aware. 
 
 Day after day, it only became worse. 
 
 I would be reading a book or writing my novel, when a woman's soft voice, always behind me, would whisper vague words about a place or an event. Hours later a man's deep voice would yell and blame me, calling me a coward and a weakling, among other things. More often than not I would hear of a terrible accident or a happy occurrence related to the soft voice's whispers. It would send me into tears or laughter, though rarely healthy. 
 
 As time went on it was becoming more and more difficult to work, to talk with others. The voices would begin having conversation among each other, trying to pull me in. I ignored them at first, thinking it was my addled brain trying to break me. I would go to therapy and the rough voice would laugh. I would go to work and the soft voice would try to assist me, just upsetting me more. I was fired six months after first becoming aware due to antisocial behaviour and low performance. They told me to visit a therapist. Both voices laughed as if it was a comedy. 
 
 Eight months in my social life had slowed down to mere letters and trips to the shop. I would spend my waking hours reading books or writing my novel, the only activities that would pacify both the voices and me. I would go to therapy to no avail. The doctors would say I am rather calm for a person with my condition, that I am doing well. I would start laughing with the rough voice after it ends. 
 
 Nine months after becoming aware I first started using the term `` aware'' in my journal, which used to be my novel. I stopped replying to my family's letters, but started reading the newspaper. Many things had changed - conquest over the sea, rebellion in the south, new policies enacted. I've heard of it all as it was happening, through the whispers of the woman's soft voice. I stopped going to therapy as well, since it was going nowhere anyway. Around the same time I stopped going out for food, paying for delivery instead, thankful for the old me saving money in his account. I would become more and more unstable, laughing for a moment and crying soon after. I tried sending the soft voice's prophecies to the newspaper, but they would not publish it and actually asked me to stop writing to them. 
 
 Now, I sit in my room, the soft voice whispering of men coming to take me away, and the rough voice yelling at me to arm myself. I stopped opening the door for delivery a week ago, and I am pretty sure the doorbell stopped working even earlier. I believed the voices now, but I did not act upon them. That would mean complete defeat. 
 
 There was a knock on the door. 
 
 `` Mr. Bergon, please open the door.'' 
 
 I did not move. The voices were silent. 
 
 `` We know you are inside, Mr. Bergon. We've come to help. We will break the door down if it comes to that.'' 
 
 I sat and smiled, my mind finally quiet.
