[ WP ] Write the most emphatic , in-depth review you can , about the mobile game 'Flappy Bird ' .

Let me start by stating that I am no expert on bird species: blackbirds, crows, blue tits and swallows may as well all be shapeless blurs who sometimes make vaguely annoying noises at 5 am for all I care about ornithology. 
 But this bird is different. This bird has managed to selfishly commandeer hours upon hours of my life in a self-absorbing spiral of minutes upon minutes lost - gone forever - never again to enrich my life. 
 I am, of course talking about the infamous Flappy Bird app which infected over 50 million devices like a particularly violent, even virulent disease ( a strain of bird flu, if you will ). The epidemic was worldwide and far-reaching, and its consequences are still felt by millions today. 
 Including me. 
 Hence this review. I need to instill into every single person who reads this just how much this game will simultaneously fulfill and destroy what is left of your free time. With cultish belief you will ferociously tap your screen, compelled to hear that little ding whenever you jump another hurdle. Like a junkie, you will crash when the bird also crashes, so in tune will you be with the bird's erratic leaps and bounds. You will become one with the bird. You will feel joy when you leap with it across copyright dubious pipes. You will feel its disappointment and sorrow when you inevitably land, beak first, on the ground or on said pipes. 
 
 An emotional rollercoaster on a whole new level, it is not only the kinship with the bird which will ignite your passion for hopping over oddly constructed obstacles - the strategic aspect of the game, the forward planning, the tense moment of `` will I hit the pipe if I jump at this very moment, or the next? ``, that rush of adrenaline and heady buzz when your hard headwork pays off dividends - who needs sex, who needs food? Who needs anything when there is just one more pipe to beat, one more death to overcome? 
 
 The game never ends. The joy is ever present when your score continually loops back around in a Groundhog Day-esque mobius strip of ping, ping, ping. 
 I give this game 5 out of 5 stars, because I have nothing else left in my life to compare it to. All is Flappy. All is right.
