[ WP ] Everyone has a reaper . The further away it is , the longer you have left to live . Every day it inches a little bit closer , but it is always there . Except yours , which disappeared three weeks ago

FOREWARNING: 
 
 I was a little intoxicated and sleep deprived when I wrote this, so what entails is an incredibly dumb story. Reader caution is advised, because you'll probably become an idiot if you read this. 
 
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 `` Anyways, that concludes today's top story. Over to you, Mary - hey Suzy, does that guy work here?'' Tom the Newsman asked his co-anchor, pointing at a location off-screen. 
 
 `` What guy?'' responded the bubbly news anchor Suzy. 
 
 `` That guy, in the suit, I've never... oh God... no... it ca n't be...'' 
 
 `` Tom? You do n't see...'' 
 
 `` OH GOD! NO! OH GOD NO! IT'S NOT MY TIME! IT'S NOT MY TIME!'' Tom the Newsman rose from his seat in a rabid frenzy. As he rose, a ceiling fan collapsed on top of him. The camera cut to static just as Suzy's shrill screams begun. 
 
 Tom the Newsman getting crushed to death just now reminded Jim of something that been bugging him for a while. His own reaper had disappeared mysteriously three weeks ago, under mysterious circumstances that were quite mysterious, and nobody he told would believe him. He began to remember the numerous responses he had received from friends and family. 
 
 `` Jim, everybody has a reaper. It's an unavoidable fact of life. They do n't just up and disappear,'' 
 
 `` Jim, you're a lying idiot.'' 
 
 `` Uh-uh. Your reaper disappeared. Yep. That totally happened.'' 
 
 `` Crackpot.'' 
 
 `` Crackhead.'' 
 
 `` Crack. I love crack.'' That was Paul the Crackhead's response. He only ever talked about crack and crack rock nowadays. 
 
 `` Ah, classic Paul,'' reminisced Jim. Jim decided that if they were n't going to help him figure out what was going on, he'd have to figure it out himself. Jim was not a clever person however, and immediately jumped to the theory that he was immortal. He headed down into the subway to `` catch a train'' using his entire body. 
 
 `` Please step behind the yellow line,'' announced the subway's PA system, `` unless of course you are suicidal, in which case, please stand on the tracks.'' 
 
 `` Ooh, that's my cue,'' Jim heard a guy next to him whisper. The guy and numerous others jumped onto the tracks and awaited their deaths with a boyish eagerness. Jim decided that he would n't be joining those losers on the tracks and would instead commit suicide in style by jumping out in front of the train at the last second. `` Except it's not suicide, because I'm immortal,'' reasoned Jim. 
 
 He could hear the speeding train coming closer and closer. Jim bent his knees, ready to leap out in front and give the train a big ol' hug. 
 
 `` Not yet...'' Jim could see the train's headlights shining out of the tunnel it was arriving from. 
 
 `` Not yet...'' Jim listened for the screech of the train's breaks. 
 
 `` NOW!'' Just as the train peaked it's head out from the tunnel, Jim leaped out in front of it. Time slowed down as the train approached Jim. He squinted his eyes and saw a grinning man in the driver's seat. 
 
 `` Aw shit.'' 
 
 SPLAT 
 

