[ WP ] A regular person refuses to become a superhero because ... .. ?

Dear LA Times editor, 
 
 I know what you're thinking. That guy that got hit by a semi on I-10 and cut it in half lengthwise without moving an inch. That guy that started to run and shattered the sound barrier two seconds later. That guy that just looked up towards the sky one moment and was in it the next, leaving a shattered city bench and a busted fire hydrant in his wake. Remarkable, is n't it? Terrifying, some have said, but only at first; if that guy was going to try to take over the world, would n't he have made a move by now? Besides, think of the *potential* that guy would have as a doer of good, a beacon of justice! 
 
 Nah. 
 
 Do n't get me wrong, I've toyed with the idea somewhat. Make some flashy spandex getup that inspires a worldwide throwback to'86, go around saving stuck cats by day and single-handedly halting bank robberies by night, be an inspiration to the kiddies and a boogeyman to the underworld, yadda yadda. Hell, if I play my cards right I could make off like a king from the whole deal. But I'm not some teenager whose inaction caused his beloved uncle to get shot. I'm not an orphan from a long-dead planet half a universe away. And wish it though I may, I'm not a rich kid with issues and a kickass car. My life - apart from suddenly having the power of a god fall into my lap - has been exceedingly ordinary. No major traumas, no serious life events, nothing. 
 
 Besides, there's all of that *legal* crap. Due process, power of arrest, handling of suspects, blah blah blah. There's a lot of bureaucracy at play here. And frankly? I respect the cops. No need to make their job any harder or *weirder* by throwing myself into the mix, especially since none of these guys are on the payroll of some cackling loon building a death ray in the observatory. If they needed my help, or even wanted it, I could be deputized. But so far, all I've gotten is a warning to soften the take-offs some. 
 
 Following *that*, you've got ta consider the *time* I've got. Running around the world, stopping the bad guys, feeding the hungry, preventing worldwide catastrophe, and so on. Despite the ability to cross the continent in a little over an hour, a second is still a second and an hour is still an hour. My social circle is pretty strained as it is, what with being the local superperson, and it's hard enough to maintain relationships with people genuinely interested in me as a person *without* constantly jetting off to put an end to some terrorist threat in Somewhereistan. My parents respect me enough to not insist that I do so, even if Mom keeps dropping subtle hints to that end, as mothers often do. My dog would be depressed. My love life would be nonexistent. Look, I get that - so far as anybody knows, God knows there could be someone else like me that's *way* more subtle about the whole superhuman gig - I'm the only one that *can* do that stuff, but I've got needs too, y'know? Like stability. And sociability. And I do n't see why I should have to endanger all of that. 
 
 But you know what? And I'm going to be completely honest here... the world neither *wants* someone like me or *needs* someone like me. 
 
 Think about everything I - or, rather, someone *like* me - could have prevented. In every single instance, barring some big natural catastrophe ( and even then, if we want to put the token environmental spin on things as we like to do in California ), *all* of those could have been handled by everyday, ordinary human beings. Every one. Shooting lasers from their butts or mind control might've helped to a minor degree, but the fact remains that none of that is necessary to get the job done. Hell, I feel like it'd be a disservice to all those people training day in and day out to do those jobs, working together in all sorts of duties on all sorts of fronts to advance the human cause or protect such advancements. Sound stupid? Think about where we were even fifty years ago. How much farther would we have honestly gotten if someone like me had been around? 
 
 So thanks, but no thanks. I'm fine where I am. And though you probably do n't believe it, so are you.
