[ WP ] You 're a demon fresh out of Hell Academy with a degree in Torture Methods . However , instead of being assigned to one of the large wards , like Identity Theft , Gaslighting , or Matricide , you 're put in charge of the little known `` Miscellaneous '' ward .

My whole goddamned ( literally ) family went to the Academy. It's funny. Once you've been around long enough, you can hear a story identical to your own. 
 
 This poor sop I was torturing for money back when I was only a few hundred years old told me about his life during the down time. I mean, Hell's a business like any other. There's plenty of other things that need doing. The youngin's like me either join up with some federal job like torture or security, or they go to the academy. It just depends on what you wan na do, you know? 
 
 Anyway, this John sounded like he had the exact same life as me. A family that had all gone to the Living's version of Academy-college. Basically, he was the only one that did n't like the idea of more schooling. It seemed like a racket to him. 
 
 He told me about how he decided to do a trade, just like I did. I mean, he was a plumber and I was a torturer but we both dealt with some serious shit, you know? 
 
 So he went through some pretty bad stuff; his wife left him, his dog died, some pip squeak got promoted over him that had less than half the qualifications and double the pay. I would have felt some sympathy for the poor shmuck if I did n't know why he was down here with us demons. 
 
 Fuckin' kiddo-diddlers. I mean, really. I get that you ca n't control if you have certain *disgusting* desires but do you have to act on them? 
 
 He goes on to tell me about how he thought about doing real and serious schooling instead of the two year thing/stint he did. He said that he would have gone despite not liking it but the school loans from the little bit of education he got were a bit ridiculous. He wished he could afford it because it would have meant more money. His wife would n't have cheated if she could have been more content and taken care of. He could have afforded saving his dog's life. The pip squeak that got promoted had an education. His whole life could have been made better but he just could n't afford the loans. 
 
 So I thought about it long and hard. This guy was all sorts of similar to me and even though he hated schooling, he wished he could have gone. 
 
 Whatever. This guy was the reason I got my act together and went through the Academy. His life was terrible and all because he did n't go after schooling? Because he did n't think he could handle the loans? Fuck that. 
 
 I went to the Academy, rocked everyone's ass off, and have been lauded for my revised torture ideas that I submitted to some professors. I was even told by the dean that a lot is expected of me because I'm that promising. I'm kick ass, inventive, and super ambitious. I can handle anything and make it suit my needs. 
 
 So when I got my letter from the academy saying that I did n't get assigned to anything prestigious like the rest of my family, I did n't sweat it. Usually, my family went into Regicide. High profile stuff. My family is kind of a big deal. 
 
 I was sent a letter saying that I was to report to the Misc. department. Unlike my family, who would have seen this as sign that they were n't meant for greatness, I saw it as my opportunity to shine. Usually, if you do n't go to a big department, it's because you're a fuck up. 
 
 I knew that Misc. was actually where a lot of the big departments got started. This was a specific challenge for me alone. Straight from on-high, I was being tested for my mettle. 
 
 Well, suicides are particularly enjoyed and prestigious around here because you ca n't ask God for forgiveness if you commit that atrocity. I knew exactly what I could specialize in that fell under misc. 
 
 Student Loans. 
 
 *Edit: Forgot an e on a word and a whole word.
