[ WP ] It was either my life or hers . Unfortunately she chose mine .

`` So, Noah, did you want to talk about what happened yet?'' 
 That would be the voice of my therapist. He knew what happened ( my mother told him against my will ) but I've never spoke about the incident to him in the year that I've known him. 
 I was silent, responding with a shake of my head. I never acknowledged that it happened before. If I did, I'd have to face it. 
 He sighed, reminded me about my medication, stood, and walked me over to the waiting room. I knew that he was getting frustrated. I did n't blame him. 
 That evening, I went for a walk. I liked clearing my head when I left therapy. When I was there, I felt like I was not me. Like, when I enter I put on a mask and don a character. Or, maybe, the mask comes on when I leave. 
 Either way, I was walking down the road, feeling the autumn air, nobody else noticing me, when I swear I saw a figure some feet ahead. She looked familiar. Eerily so. I felt drawn to her, and quickened my pace to follow her. 
 My mind was on edge. It could n't be her, could it? It ca n't. She's... she's gone. But still. I had to know. 
 She knew that I was following her. She would turn around, meet my eyes and smile, scampering forward. We were nearing the park where we would meet. I have n't been able to go to that park in God knows how long. And now, I was being dragged there out of my foolish curiosity. My mind was screaming to leave, to go home, to get something to eat, to do anything other than go here. But yet, I continued on. 
 She finally slowed down when she arrived at the swings, letting me catch up. there was nobody else at the park. I looked at her face. Sure enough, it was her, with long black hair framing her face, stormy grey eyes, even that small birthmark on her cheek. If this was a coincidence, it was a damn good one. 
 Impossible'' I whispered. 
 `` Hi, Noah.'' Alex said, like nothing had happened. 
 `` How are you here?'' 
 `` That's not important. What's important is what's happening to you. Right now.'' There's Alex for ya. Always putting someone else over herself. 
 `` I do n't know what you're talking about, Alex'' 
 She chuckled. `` You do n't even notice, do you? You're just as dense as always.'' 
 `` No, I'm not!'' I turned defensive. `` Where did you get that from?'' 
 She laughed, then turned to the sunset. Stared for a while as the light dimmed away below the horizon. I looked, too. It was really very beautiful. 
 `` I missed this.'' 
 `` Me too.'' 
 A pause. The air feels colder, but maybe that's because of the settled night. 
 I did n't want to ask. I did anyway. 
 `` What are you doing here?'' 
 She looked at me. 
 `` Tell me, what happened to me?'' 
 My brain hurt. It was something that I did n't want to think about, but now I was thinking about it, and it pained me. Thinking about this later, I realized that I was crying. My throat closed and I could barely speak. 
 `` You'' The word would not come out. Speak, Dammit! 
 `` You -- you died. A little less than a year ago.'' 
 She smiled, sweet despite the news that she was just given. 
 `` There you go. You said it. That's all that matters'' 
 I did n't pay attention to what she was saying. Everything came back in rolling waves, and I was too busy trapped in my memories to respond to anything. I scratched at the floor in my mind, ripping out the stitches. Everything was there. 
 Me and Alex, on the swings at night. We were talking, and from an outside perspective, were just friends. A group of four walked over to us. They wanted money, but we literally had none. They did n't believe us, got aggressive, I knew that they were desperate. They would have to kill one of us. it would be an accident. They would freak and leave. They pointed the gun at me. Time slowed. She had the choice, of who to save. I was glued to the spot. I was a coward. 
 She jumped in front me just as the gun fired. There was silence after the ring of the shot. the slight motion of her stumbling, a piece of metal in her stomach. They swore and left, leaving me with their mess. 
 She told me in baited breaths that she loved me. I did n't say anything as she died. Dazed, I slept in the park that day, and only woke when people gathered and a police officer was covering her. I told them what happened. They caught the guy two weeks later, after I was considered prime suspect; a lunatic sleeping with his kill. 
 I was not the same. I felt like I was to blame, but I felt like I could n't tell anyone. In that moment, she chose my life, and I really did n't understand why. 
 I looked up at her. I did n't notice that I'd sat on the ground. Tears clouded my vision. 
 `` I'm so sorry'' I whispered. 
 `` There's no reason to be.'' She said. 
 `` I love you'' I whispered. 
 `` I love you, too'' she said `` but I have to go now.'' 
 A punch in the gut. `` No! I'm not losing you again'' 
 `` It's okay. You'll be okay. I can tell.'' She was smiling. 
 She walked away. I stayed there for an hour. I walked home. 
 I knew she was gone. She was n't coming back. I'll miss her, sure. I'll always miss her, but I'll remember her. I'll move on. Find someone new. Actually talk to people about what happened, actually take my meds. I begin to wonder if I made her up, a nasty side effect of my medication. Maybe she was a ghost, sent to drive me off the edge? I decided that there would be no way for me to figure out, and that some things are best left alone. 
 When I walk into my apartment, I notice that I'm smiling for the first time in a year.
