[ WP ] Your life 's mission is to break every man-made law and not get caught . You 're on the last law .

I'm not evil. I knew that I'd have to be... creative shall we say, to achieve a balance between personal morals and illegal activities. But the idea, to commit every crime without capture, that intrigued me. 
 
 I wish I could say it had been my idea, and if I had n't already crossed off copyright theft from my list I'd take the credit, but no it came from my brothers girlfriend Kelly. 
 
 It was one of those relaxed, slightly drunken, conversations you find yourself having at the end of a party. There were a few of us talking and laughing and eating the last of the birthday cake when someone started telling a story about how he'd once went home early only to find his now ex-roommate stealing his stuff to pay off his hooker. Only the guy was so high he did n't even notice he was trying to hand over his stolen loot to its original owner. When challenged on it he'd thrust a handful of badly photocopied bank notes at him and screamed `` I'm a bro, I can fix this'' and then puked over himself before collapsing unconscious. We were all laughing with disbelief and shock as he ended the story with how he had to then explain all of that to the police and ambulance crew while constantly reassuring them it was all true. 
 
 And as we finished laughing and started getting ready to leave, Kelly idly wondered out loud who in history had ever broken the most laws. 
 
 That was it. A lighthearted question no one could answer became my obsession. I started with research. Academic papers, history books, archives, libraries, I scoured each bit of information for clues. But I could never get an answer that seemed right. I found countless criminals throughout history but they were always known for committing a handful of crimes. A man who had killed eight people became infamous but the fact was he had only broken one law, that of murder, eight times. 
 The man who had broken eight different laws without killing anyone had largely gone unrecorded, at least as far as I could find. 
 
 I finally decided that to achieve peace of mind I would need to make my own answer, and it would have to be me. I would make it my life's mission to break every law at least once. 
 
 Now I know what you're thinking. Why? 
 
 I'm sorry to say I have no idea. Maybe a therapest could answer it. Perhaps I have a naturally twisted mind. Or it was just the right, or rather wrong, idea at the right time. Or there's no reason behind it and I just... do it. 
 
 And I've done it rather well. Slowly but surely I have crossed off crime after crime on my extensive list of illegal activities. And now, now I have a single one left. One last criminal act that I've been putting off for three years. Once I enter that room it will be over in moments. A lifetimes obsession complete. And yet I hesitate. 
 
 As I said, I'm not evil. I took no pleasure from my actions. And rather than cruelty or compulsion it was born from an unusual form of curiosity to see if I could simply get away with it. Once this is done chances are I'll never commit another crime again. 
 
 I do however take pride in the fact that I never hurt the innocent or the undeserving. Many crimes need... other participants. I find calling them victims rather melodramatic. And slightly deceptive. It gives them an air of innocence that they all lacked. 
 
 My time spent researching the cruel and the criminal from history was easily modified to help me find more contemporary parallels. I gathered the names of evil, corrupt, violent people without guilt or remorse. And from this list I randomly selected my... participants. 
 
 And now I have reached the end. From the obvious to the obscure I have committed all my crimes but one. And tonight that to shall be crossed from my list. 
 
 I check my pockets again and reassure myself I have what I need. I know I'm simply stalling for time but I ca n't quite say why. Fear? Apprehension? Nervousness? 
 
 None of them is the right word yet I feel them all. Is that why I waited so long to complete my task? Three years of excuses and deferments. Or was it satisfaction? The knowledge that I was so close to completing my plan that I needed to savour the moment. 
 
 Whatever the answer tonight I shall end my life of crime. 
 
 Perhaps tomorrow I shall simply start a life. 

