[ wp ] after dying god informs you that hell is a myth , and `` everyone sins , its ok '' . instead the dead are sorted into six `` houses of heaven '' based on the sins they chose .

`` Besides, no one's ever on this road.'' 
 
 Never thought those would be my last words. But at least they must have been ironic, right? 
 
 Cause of Death: shipping container full of wigs falling out of a plane. Right on top of me. Hrmm. 
 
 Arriving in heaven, or what I assumed to be heaven, was a bit lackluster. No lines. Just woke up from a bed in the center of a room, with a book next to a blue plastic key on a desk with an old chair, and six doors around the circular room. I'd been a good person, this hopefully was n't to delay torture. I peered at the book. `` Terms and Conditions of Assignment to the Houses of Heaven.'' This might be hell. 
 
 I skimmed the first pages. There was no hell, I must choose my choice of paradise from amoungst the six doors using the key, I can window shop by opening the doors and looking in, yadda yadda, flipped to the end of the book, just a line saying that She knew I would ignore the rest of the book. Checked back, all of the rest of the pages are blank. Damn you omnipotence. 
 
 Well, seemed simple enough. I checked the doors, seeing what each one was, leaving the key attached to the book. 
 
 The first door, a simple wooden door with a cloth sign above - Despair. That's a paradise? I quickly ran back to the book. `` The doors of paradise are labeled by the sins they most provide. While sinning was viewed as an agent of evil, it was actually a showcase of the soul's innate desires.'' Ah. That makes... more sense. Back to the door. 
 
 Opening the door, leaving the key back with the book, showed a window to some people falling. Oh, they have parachutes. Skydiving. That makes a sort of twisted sense. Fear lovers. Hmm. Not my thing. What about the next door? 
 
 This door was a nice oaken door. The label itself was slightly rusty wrought iron word. Dispute. Time to check inside. The door squeaked a bit opening up. Must need oi- WHAT IS THAT SMELL! 
 
 Oh. Alcohol. It's a party. It's a house party. Looking inside, people chatting, playing board games, beer pong, and drinking. Lots of talking. This one seems fun. But let's check the rest first. Do n't know if I'd want to be social for eternity anyway, but I'm pretty sure I'll probably be able to at least rest from that. 
 
 Third door, solid gold - Envy. Hey, that one actually sounds familiar. Opening this one up, and I see a huuuuuge house, partially under construction. Silver statues, a beautiful garden, beefy construction workers, IS THAT A JETPACK‽ The more I watch, the more extravagant the building becomes, as more and more of the structure gets build. This must be a creators heaven. I wonder if that includes life... Anyway, halfway there. OOooo. Living on a- well, not anymore, I guess. 
 
 Door four. Or, doors. Double doors, with the sign on a stand in front - Presumption. Taking a guess here, it's going to be the opposite. Such as, not knowing something. A research lab? Opening these and... yup. A lab. Stainless steel tables, beakers, scientists in white lab coats, everything I expected. That was easy. People learning about stuff. Wonder if any of it would involve explosions. 
 
 The lab then exploded. That was loud. Wonder if anyone got hurt. Oh, I hear some crying, a guy in the back must be hurt. Guess so, those guys ran back there. Would I heal up if that happened to me? Is death a thing here? Oh hey, ambulance noises. I guess the guy's going to be fine. As I thought that, the guy stood up, a little beat up, but fine. Perfectly fine. But researching things really is n't my deal, I'd prefer a more active eternity. What's up next? 
 
 Fifth one. Metal, with... dents? Engraves is the word Obstinate. Unbending, so, this one will be a place to try out an expand their horizons? Kinda sounds like the previous one. Time to check inside. To an immediate hail of gunfire, in a dusty hallway filled with boxes. So what is this? Murdering? War? I guess if you ca n't die, there's not much issue with shooting live targets. As a distant guy drops to the floor, a loud voice states calmly, `` Counter Terrorists Win.'' Wait, Counter Strike? Is this a video game room? Seriously? They all respawn in for a new round at that moment. Yup. Games. I get it now. I might just pick this one, but first, that last door. 
 
 Final door. White framed glass door, like at home, the wooden sign says `` Impenitence''. Whatever that means. Last one, then I make my decision, for, I guess eternity? That ca n't really be fair. I'll probably get bored. Anyway, final door. Inside is... my home. That's my father making dinner, my mother watching Eric play in the back yard. My music... a little loud upstairs. So what, I get to go back to my life? Or just experience life on a loop? I do n't get this one. Oh hey, it's changing to another scene. 
 
 Sanchez Park. I used to play here, and here's where I had my first- oh woah wait I do n't want TO SEE THAT. 
 
 Shut that door a bit louder then I should have. Wait, no ones here to complain. Nevermind. Yup. That one is to relieve my life alright. Guessing I get to make new decisions and change things. Let's see. 
 
 My options are: adrenaline junkie, socialization, world building, learning, video games, and relieving my old life. 
 
 
 I never had too many friends, and it does n't really bother me. It looked like they also had board games, and some of those funny looking dice, so I guess that included Dnd as well. Not my schitck. Dispute is out. 
 
 I never really enjoyed the Sims or Minecraft either. So that eliminates Envy. 
 
 Finding the solutions after hours of work really annoyed me. I just want the answers. No Presumption. 
 
 As much as I'd like to choose to change the past and see what happens, I ca n't help but feel I'd lose my memories and get put in a loop. That means no Impenitence for me. 
 
 Well. I know which one I want. Double checking the, `` Terms and Conditions,'' it says I get to reselect every couple thousands years, to account for new personality changes over time. And also that I'll choose Obstinate first, after reading the book a second time. DAMNIT. Well, screw that, I'll suffer just to prove God wrong. I'll change my answer later. 
 
 After throwing that book as hard as I could, I walk over to Presumption, for ironies sake, and turn my key. 
 
 -- - 
 
 The book opens to the middle after hitting the wall, where in small type is written, `` Your presumption of Presumption is wrong, and for that, you select it many times before you move on.'' But is n't read for years to come. 
 
 

