[ WP ] In a world where male virgins who reach the age of 30 turn into powerful wizards , a 29 year old 's birthday fast approaches .

kenny24 
 
 Nov. 13, 10:30pmcst 
 
 Um... okay, this is embarrassing. I do n't know if you guys have ever been in this kind of pikkle, but my friend Scot's birthday is coming up soon. Oh, I know what to get him, but I do n't know if he'll want it. 
 
 Ya see, he's turning 30, and all of you know what that means, but my buddy Scot seems to like the power more than the sex; go figure. I guess it's because I always got it so easily, but Scot was kind of shy and never really knew how to talk to girls. Of course, that wo n't matter tomorrow. He'll have chicks on Facebook coming out of the woodwork either proposing to him or offering him a postbirthday hook-up. They'll be careful to wait for midnight, because he'll be twenty nine til then. It's the power they want. If you're married to a powerful man, you're powerful too no matter what kind of power it is. 
 
 Either way, I have to get him layed. Ya see, neither one of us has been doing that well recently. I lost my job a couple months ago. One day, I go out to drive to an interview, and halfway there, I notice a problem. I eventually ca n't drive anymore. The problem was pretty simple. The main seal of my transmition had broken, and all the fluid had dribbled out. Had I noticed the big ( and growing ) puddle under my car, I would've only needed to have a seal put in and refill the transmition with fluid, but I was in a hurry, so instead of asking my friend for a ride to the interview, I ended-up begging him for twelve hundred bucks. 
 
 The interview went well, so I said I'd get it back to him really soon. 
 
 He gladly handed me twelve hundred bucks, but then, his troubles started. He had a big trustfund from his grandpa. He was apparently super rich. Well, all of the grandkids got a share, and two of his cousins, spoiled little brats, wanted a bigger share. They found a really good lawyer and said in court that Scot must not have been part of the will, because he was n't mentioned by name. 
 
 Scot's dad was not the guy who raised him. The grandpa was the stepdad's dad, and of course Scot was included, but they wanted to say that Dilbert nevered claimed him, because he did n't come from his son's seed. Well, the judge must've had dementia or something, because he actually ordered Scot to pay the court the remainder of his trust fund, and it would be divided amung the others. 
 
 He sold the house and the nice car and got a job at Mcdonalds, a small apartment just a block from said Mcdonalds, and started walking to work and taking the bus everywhere else. He got screwed real bad. The worst part is, a week ago, I got this scratchoff ticket worth six grand. It was n't the big winner, but it was big anyway. Like an idiot, I jubilantly posted a celebratory status on Facebook with a pic of the ticket. He has n't said anything, but I'm sure Scot wants his money. Yeah well, that's going to be a problem. What, six grand is only six grand. Yeah, I've had a lot of fun, but it's all over now. I have, like, a hundred bucks left. 
 
 I have to find someone who will convince Scot to give her some before midnight tomorrow, or I'm fuckity fucked big time. 
 
 I'm not even going to ask Kieth. He's been thirty for about a year now, and he's loving it. He made it, so he'll never help me stop another guy from getting there. I'm just scared shitless about what Scot's going to do when he finds out I do n't have it. 
 
 kenny24 
 
 Nov. 14, 10:24amcst 
 
 Okay, I have an idea. There's this girl, Megan, she never gave me any, but she could always make me want her. It was best not to even talk to her, because she would never give you any. She only liked certain kinds of guys, and yes, she was hot, but it was more than that. She got in to your head. You'd think you're okay, then she'd come to mind. She has some kind of power, but she acts like she's just normal. Either way, I have n't seen her for a few years. We all kept in touch after high school, but she was having too much fun getting guys to do all kinds of stuff for her. I still had her on Facebook though. I messaged her last night, and she said her shift ends about two. I'll go over there when she gets off and talk to her. She only has to work now, because everybody's kind of shunned her. It's actually kind of sad. There are still guys who fall under her spell, but it's not like it was. 
 
 kenny24 
 Nov. 14, 3:15pmcst 
 
 Okay, that went better than I thought. She's going to the party tonight with me. It's going to be awesome. 
 
 Hey, I wonder why nobody's replied to this. Oh Well, it might be better if everybody waits until the outcome. I do n't know, maybe no one really cares about my predicament, but it might be an entertaining read for somebody. 
 
 Either way, Megan was being her usual self. She was kind of flerting with me, and I was falling for it when I remembered Scot, so I brought him up. She gets this mischievious little look on her face and says, `` I love virgins. How old is he going to be?'' 
 `` Thirty,'' I said. 
 
 She knew, so her look gets more mischievious. `` I love it when they're almost old enough. They think they can handle it, but they never can.'' 
 
 She explained that she would always give a 29-year old virgin some which was honestly bullshit. I'd been trying for that for years, but I had to stay focused. I'l tell you guys what happens. 
 
 kenny24 Nov. 15, 8:59amcst 
 
 SHIT SHIT SHIT! It must've not worked. What happened? They hit it off early. We all went to Hobo Jungle to celebrate with Scot, and as soon as I walked in with Megan, she goes over and starts talking to Scot. I did n't see her anymore that night, but honestly, I do n't remember much after twelve thirty or so. Now, I'm hungover, and I have no dick. Yeah, no fucking dick, and my boobs are huge. I just checked my email, and sure enough, there's one here saying, `` Pay up ladyboy.'' 
 
 It does n't show Scot's email, but it has one of those footers that says it's from a phone, and it was sent from a number. I really do n't have the money. I do n't know what I'm going to do here. 
 
 kenny24 
 Nov. 15, 9:20amcst 
 
 Okay, at least my boobs are gone. That was a strange conversation. Here's how it went. 
 
 First, I called Scot. He was a little hungover too. I tried to act like everything was cool. `` Hey, it's the 30-year old virgin, does it feel any different?'' 
 He said, `` Well, I'm still hungover. It's nine a.m.'' 
 I suddenly realized this, so I said, `` Oh shit! Sorry dude, I did n't realize. I do n't remember everything.'' 
 
 He kind of chuckled, `` Yeah, it got crazy. You know what's weird though?'' 
 I took the bait, `` No, what?'' 
 He says, `` Megan texted me at, like, 330 this morning. I just saw it on my phone. She's telling me to tell you to call her.'' 
 Then, he got all worried, `` Oh shit, Kenny, you guys were n't serious, were you?'' 
 I calmed him down, `` No, she was just my date. I was just talking to her on Facebook yesterday, and I just asked her.'' 
 He comes back with, `` Oh thank God/! Ya know why?'' 
 Again, I took the bait, so he told me, `` I'm not a virgin anymore bro. Damn, it was good! She taught me all kinds of stuff about pleasing women, then she was real close, so she said just to go ahead, ya know,'' 
 I stopped him. I really did n't want to know, `` Yeah dude, that's pretty awesome, but if that happened before midnight, you would n't be a wizard.'' 
 He said, `` Oh yeah, she made sure to keep me from sticking it in before midnight. It was really nice. She did n't want to take my powers away.'' 
 I made small talk for a minute, then told him I had to go. Something was wrong, but maybe Megan could help me out. 
 
 That call went like this. 
 
 Megan, yawning, `` Hello,'' 
 Me: `` Hey, Scot told me you wanted me to call you.'' 
 her: `` Kenny?'' 
 me: `` Yeah,'' 
 her: `` Oh, yeah, I did.'' She laughed a little. `` Notice anything?'' 
 me: `` Yeah, I don'thave a dick!'' 
 her: busts up laughing and starts sounding more awake, `` Yeah, ever since you and me had sex last night, I have physical control over you. I can do all kinds of fun stuff.'' 
 me: `` What the fuck!'' in a high feminine voice. 
 her: laughs histerically. 
 me: `` Dammit, come-on Megan, fix this for me, please.'' 
 her: `` No way. You got the email.'' 
 me: `` pay what?'' 
 her: `` Pay Scot you asshole.'' 
 me: `` I ca n't. I spent all my money.'' 
 her: `` Hmm, looks like you're fucked.'' 
 me: panicked, almost crying, `` Come-on!'' 
 her: `` Your face, I know, you should clean that.'' 
 me: `` What?'' Then, I finally got the joke. 
 her: laughs again. Finally, she calmed down, `` Just start paying him, and I'll at least make your boobs go away, so you can go to work on MOnday. You wo n't get your dick back until you pay it all though.'' 
 
 I said that was fine and agreed to go give Scot my last hundred bucks. She told me that after they had sex last night, she came back to Hobo, because she was n't really all that drunk, and she found me. She gave me some, and of course, I jumped on it. `` It really showed how desperate you are.'' she said. 
 
 Either way, we went back to my place and `` fucked like rabbits,'' her words, now, she can totally mess with my body. If she wants to make me never able to get it up for anyone else, she can, but she says she's more interested in Scot, so she'll likely leave me alone after the whole money thing is sorted out. I do have this little hole to pee out of, but I have to sit down. Well, I guess you should always pay your bills, and do n't go nuts with lottery money. Oh, and do n't try to get your friend layed, so he does n't make you pay up. That can workout pretty badly.
