[ WP ] Your significant other is over for dinner , but you notice one of your parents making a move on him/her .

I remember when I first brought Daphne home to meet the parents. She was the first girl I'd brought home in a very long time, mainly because of my intolerable father. I'd always suspected he was unsatisfied with my mother, both emotionally and sexually, and each time I brought a girl home it really drove home that suspicion. 
 
 When I brought Abigail back for dinner, he pretended he was a blind man and slapped her on the ass as soon as she stepped foot in the house. `` Oh sorry do n't mind me I'm *blind*. The names Ray, by the way''. 
 
 Jane's experience was worse. Under the alias of Ray Corleone, my father led her to believe he was the leader of an intricate network of underground mafia lords that controlled everything from the economy to the sodium levels in pasta sauces. Dressed in a tomato-stained suit, which was apparently'blood from a vicious gang fight', he told her countless stories of his days back in Sicilia, where he engaged in the most shocking acts of crime and violence. 
 
 Somehow, Daphne copped it even worse. We knocked on the front door and opened it to an exasperated looking Ray with sweat dripping down his forehead. Breathing heavily, he ushered us in, holding a finger to his lips. 
 
 `` Quiet now, you do n't want to wake him'', he whispered to us as he walked us down the unlit corridor to the kitchen. 
 
 I'd warned Daphne about my father's little ruses. I'd told her to expect everything and anything, but honestly, as he guided us to what I was sure to be his new ploy, Dad's acting actually did seem a little convincing. That was, until I stepped into the actual kitchen, for tied to the chair at the head of the dining table was what was supposed to be a'man', and it was a very lumpy man at that. With the seemingly unconscious victim's face covered in a black bag just like a prisoner, this person, who was quite obviously just a couple of huge flour bags dressed in my father's old clothes, was supposed to represent my father's greatest victory; his defeat of the home intruder. He told the story as so: 
 
 `` I was in the living room fast asleep while Terminator was playing, which yeah is a scary movie for some but is n't even enough to keep me from falling asleep, when someone prodded me awake. I opened my eyes to that masked man over there, with a gun pointed towards my face. He demanded for me to lead him to my own personal money safe, which by the way, contains a *lot* of money because I'm a very wealthy man by the way and I earn much more than my stupid son. He pressured me to put in the combination, but I managed to swindle my way out of it through meticulous word play and various truths surrounding my life.'' At this interval in the magnificently rehearsed story, Dad took a large gulp from a glass of water and continued on. 
 
 `` I said to him,'Hey buddy, I ’ ll have you know I graduated top of my class at the Memeacademy, and I ’ ve been involved in numerous secret raids on meme thiefs and illegal meme traffickers, and I have over 300 confirmed'viral' memes circulating the market as we speak. I trained in a specialised meme battalion for 6 years, and I ’ m currently the top memer in that legion of memaic warriors. You are nothing to me but just another man waiting to have his face on a meme, punk.' Momentarily stunned by my impressive career, I then spat directly on his balaclava, smacked him in the jaw, took his gun and other various weapons off of him, and tied him down.'' 
 
 He winked at Daphne and smiled just a little. `` Impressed?'' 
 
 Daphne broke up with me the next day.
