[ WP ] A multitude of Alien ships warp within range of Earth . Over all electronic devices the message is heard , `` Earth , we come in peace . In all the universe only one other Species has mastered Death and Destruction as you have . We need your help . ''

It was neither fear nor awe that mankind felt at the arrival of the aliens. Instead, in the specious conference room on the fourth floor of the UN headquarters, a deep sense of embarrassment prevailed. World leaders had been filling in in awkward silence for the last several hours. It was a mark of how bad things were, that in a room full of politicians no one was talking. 
 
 But all good things must come to an end. 
 
 `` I just do n't see why we all had to come,'' the French President complained, `` it's been years since France has been in a war.'' 
 
 `` Right, your troops in Africa are just there on holiday,'' the British PM chimed in. 
 
 `` That's peacekeeping!'' 
 
 `` See this is just what the aliens mean when they say humans are violent. You send armies of men into other countries and ask them to be grateful.'' The Russians had joined the conversation. 
 
 `` Well, no one would ever look to Russia to keep the peace,'' snarled the someone from Eastern Europe. But not too loudly. 
 
 `` Please everyone, we are acting like children. The aliens already think we are terrible. Let us at least remain cordial until they arrive. Perhaps we can prove their initial judgements of us wrong.'' America was attempting to achieve global consensuses. Maybe this time it would work. 
 
 `` And France at least wait to find out their names before surrendering.'' Nope still America. 
 
 The Chinese President ( or maybe Premier ) decided his moment for conversational greatness had come. He had spent years balancing an economic alliance with the US with a policy of increased Chinese prominence on the world stage, and now his diplomatic mastery told him just what to do. 
 
 `` Hegemonicimperialistsayswhat'' 
 
 `` What?'' the bewildered American responded. 
 
 It was a great victory, confirmed in the laughter around the table. 
 
 `` I'm sorry to interrupt.'' Everyone groaned at Canada, `` but should n't we be discussing what to say to the aliens.'' 
 
 The awkward silence returned. Everyone felt like they had just made a joke and no one had laughed. Worse it had been a racist joke. 
 
 `` Fuck these guys,'' America again. `` Who shows up at someone's house and starts with'I need your help because you are so awful.' It's rude.'' 
 
 `` Seriously,'' the Russian agreed, `` It's like, do we even know you? Why are you here.'' 
 
 `` Fight your own battles if humanity is so shitty. We got....stuff to do.'' Britain's leader was getting the hang of this. 
 
 `` When they open that door, I'm gon na tell them to go to hell.'' America had regained her standing in the world. All was well. 
 
 `` Me too!'' China knew which way the wind was blowing. 
 
 `` Just do n't let France talk,'' a voice from the far side of the room called out. 
 
 `` What the hell Denmark, you got conquered too.'' France was defensive, it was a nice change of pace. 
 
 Slowly but surely the mood of the room changed. Gone was the awkwardness and embarrassment, in it's place was a universally held conviction. One that would guide mankind through this crisis and to its eventual destiny in the stars. One that would eventually be put into those famous words that today ring the seal of the Empire of Humanity: `` Y'know what, fuck you. You do n't even know me. Who the hell are you to judge me? Think you are so high and mighty. Well fucker whose got the nukes and whose got the nice? That's what I thought.''
