[ WP ] The person sitting closest to you ( or if you 're alone , the last person you saw ) suddenly touches your shoulder and reveals a major , life-changing secret .

Fucking hell.. The last time we talked I was explaining to him how to count to three. Little fucker kept skipping the one and going straight to two. 
 
 He came up to me today and turned me around ( strong little shit ) and spoke to me. 
 
 `` Yo, your really pissing me off.'' 
 
 I was shocked. 
 
 `` Oi, dickhead. I said your pissing me off.'' He repeated. 
 
 Whatthefuck? This kid is two years old and he is talking, I thought. 
 
 `` Yeah, I hear you.'' I replied. 
 
 `` Good. Now. As we seem to be having a conundrum regarding the impracticality of the numerical teachings you so often dish out, I would like to mention that I am not putting up with your shit anymore. It is degrading, derogatory and just plain offensive. I know it goes 1, 2, 3. But I have such a superior mental rate that I have no need to mention the one.'' 
 
 ``...'' I had nothing to say. 
 
 `` Now, I would appreciate it if you could just allow me to continue my learning, WITHOUT getting caught up on the insignificant number one. Ok?'' 
 
 `` Ok..'' I answered. 
 
 `` Good. Now, I need my nappy changed. Get to work.'' He demanded. 
 
 Well I tell you, this is the last time I take acid while babysitting.
