[ WP ] Your funniest , most brutally honest high school class president speech .

`` Welcome student body of Central High School! I hope you guys will all elect me to be your student council president for next year. Well elect only me, seeing as I am your only candidate and if you do n't, you'll get detention and bathroom cleaning duties for the entire year. You want to protest? Too bad, you'll just get an F in all your classes and you would n't want to have a F on your academic record. Would you want an F? You still want to contest my power? Why? Face it! You're all my puppets in my grand scheme to gain power! You are all my obedient subjects! No one can contest my power! NO ONE. Not even the pathetic administration. They are all powerless when you give them a little bit of money to fatten their thin wallets. They are the scum of the Earth.'' 
 
 `` Anyway, so my plans for the next school year shall be that girls are mandated to have tiny miniskirts and that the volunteer groups will have their funding transferred to the other academic clubs on this campus. After all, they are volunteers. They do n't need that funding because they'll be the menial labor for the janitors! Is n't that great? We'll finally have clean bathrooms! Any objections? No objections? Is that an objection? Hall monitors! Seize them! Take them to the camps! Anyone else want to voice their dissent? Good.'' 
 
 ( about several hours later..... ) 
 
 ``.....Then, we shall build a wall to keep out the poor riff-raff and the minorities from the projects out! What can be simpler or more accurately stated? The projects in Stockton are forcing the most unwanted people into our school. They are, in many cases, criminals, drug dealers, rapists, etc. LET US MAKE OUR SCHOOL GREAT AGAIN!'' 
 
 ( The entire audience starts rioting ) 
 
 Later... 
 
 `` What the hell did you do this time, Craig? ``, the doctor said while dressing my wounds. 
 
 `` I tried to channel my inner dictator and the entire school basically started a revolution. ``, I answered with great shame. 
 

