[ WP ] You and four others are approached by government officials to be recruited for a top secret project .

It was a long walk from the black van I rode in down the long concrete corridor into some underground compound. I knew I was underground because it smelled dank and damp, like the basement of a WeHo bathhouse. 
 
 Some cute airman who could n't have graduated basic training more than a few months ago opened doors for me by sliding his card in several slots. I wondered about his card, wondered if he'd pass my checkpoints. 
 
 Finally, I was taken to a room with a long conference table where four other guys were already sitting with folders in front stuffed with various documents. I found the last empty chair at the table and as I sat down, some daddy general burst into the room. 
 
 `` Gentleman!'' he grunted. At his bark, I wanted to stand at attention. The young hispanic boi at the far end of the table rose slightly, but sat back down quickly enough. `` In front of you are top secret documents for your eyes only. You may not repeat anything you see or hear in this room, at penalty of death.'' 
 
 I had heard this speech before, remembering all of the times I've been dragged out of my apartment in the Castro at five in the morning... well, for government work, that is. Official government work. 
 
 `` Open your dossiers...'' General Daddy grunted, ``... and inside... you'll find... your next assignment.'' 
 
 The documents included photos of Obama in mom jeans, talking into a flip-phone, hanging Bob Marley posters in the Oval Office, and close-ups of his unibrow. There were several sheets of correspondence, some addressed to his FLOTUS from the NSA, others from HilRod and Nate Berkus. Also included was an invoice showing orders of protein bars, boxed wine, and iceberg lettuce shipped to the White House with the signature of the President's Chief of Staff. 
 
 `` As you can see, Vice President Biden has exhausted his resources, save from dressing and feeding POTUS personally.'' the General sighed. `` Your President and your country needs you... now.'' 
 
 As each of us glanced with terror through each leaf, we realized what was at stake. Despite the arduous task ahead, each of us knew exactly what we had to do. Though Obama has eight years, THIS would be our finest hour. Indeed, we knew it would be a tough job, but with Ted's gastronomy, Kyan's aesthetic, Thom's knack for design, and Jai's cunning, I was certain we had what it took to win the Culture War for America.
