[ WP ] Be afraid . For when the gods created man , they created him not in their own image , but to appease what lurks in the void .

`` So,'' said God through a mouthful of ambrosia, `` what are you looking for?'' The void creature shrugged its nine shoulders. 
 
 `` I mean, it's kinda hard to quantify, like... we feel you got *close* with pigs, but we want something less,'' the void creature twirled several of its hands while it struggled for the word. 
 
 `` Mealy?'' offered God. The void creature nodded the most lateral head in affirmative. 
 
 `` Yes! Yes. *Mealy*. Pigs are just so... mealy. And the hooves,'' the void creature's gullet shuddered, spraying a small amount of marking fluid on God's floor. God pondered this for a minute, before popping another spoonful of ambrosia into his mouth. He swallowed, and cleared his throat. 
 
 `` Yea, okay, alright, how about this,'' he spidered his fingers over the Create-A-Thing^©, and a wisp of material drifted out. The wisp roiled around before sprouting four hairless legs with feet, a big fat gut, and a dopey pig-ish face. The void creature nodded a more central head tentatively. 
 
 `` Okay, okay,'' each of the void creature's heads collectively frowned. God held up a finger. 
 
 `` No, alright, no, I know what you're saying let me just,'' he sucked in the gut, de-pigged the face. He added some hair to the head. The void creature still nodded a little tentatively. `` Okay, tell me what you're thinking,'' said God. 
 
 `` It's just a little... we're tired of all these quadripeds, if we're being honest,'' said the void creature. A small sulfur fire erupted from an armpit orifice. `` Oh, excuse me,'' said the void creature. God swiped at the air with his hand. 
 
 `` C'mon, dude, ugh,'' said God, but he smiled in spite of himself. `` Alright how about this: bipedal, piggish face, head hair, and a 50/50 surprise between the lower legs. You know, like a little adventure in each bite.'' God stood the pig-creature up, and drew a crude sausage between its legs. The effigy immediately began to play with the sausage. `` Whoa, Jesus,'' said God, who wiped the sausage for the time being. `` That's, uh, we'll work that glitch out in post.'' The void creature's several mouths smiled, baring several rows of serrated fangs dripping with venom. 
 
 `` Okay, one more tweak, if you do n't mind,'' said the void creature, holding out several hooved palms. God gestured for it to continue. `` We would like one territory on Earth where the pig-creatures fatten themselves beyond any reasonable excess, so when you eat them they kind of pop on the first bite, you know, like a really perfect grape?'' God sighed and nodded. 
 
 `` Oooh, grapes, I really got *that* one right, huh?'' said God. Both sat for a moment admiring the perfect grape in their minds' eyes. God clapped his hands once to signify a deal in progress. `` Alright, you got it. I'll whip up a couple prototypes and toss'em down this afternoon. What can you do for me?'' 
 
 `` Well,'' said the void creature, desperate to control its glee, `` I just came up with this thing where the sentient lifeform -- maybe even this pig creature?'' he offered. God looked at the ceiling, furrowed his brow, and nodded, `` so they invent'religion', which is basically where they all come up with crazy rules for worshipping you and offering you tons of cool gifts, and you know, occasionally sacrificing virgins --'' 
 
 `` Oh you know I love virgins!'' exclaimed God. 
 
 `` -- right? And so basically you have an endlessly entertaining struggle between your sentient lifeforms about how awesome you are.'' The void creature held several arms out in an inscrutable gesture to God. God nodded. 
 
 `` That's a good goddamned deal, right there!'' he said.
