[ WP ] As an endangered human male raised in captivity , you 've never actually met another of your kind . Today , you notice an extra chair added to your kitchen table . There 's a knock on the door .

Another day. They come by, snap pictures, kids point. Some scream. It's annoying really. The captivity is n't that bad I guess, but the people? Where do these things come from? So fat. So uneducated. They never have control of their off-spring. Do the adults realize that flash photography does n't help in the daylight, behind glass? Morons. 
 
 The purple ones are the worst. Loud, obnoxious, and they always have four or five kids that they look like they ca n't afford. The green ones are nice enough I guess - they just look oblivious but rich. Do n't even get me started on the red ones. Good lord, I can smell them through the glass. Even the purple ones seem offended! 
 
 I guess I'm glad they showed up when they did, but a simple hello and dinner would have been more appropriate than a net. The outbreak and the fallout were probably getting out of hand. I'm not sure how many of us were even left when they showed up to be honest. The Middle East, Northern Africa, and India were nuked to glass. America had another `` accident'' at a military base and some highly contagious disease took out most of Asia. Australia probably died from snakebite or whatever. Who cares? America... Jesus. It just imploded. President Trump really fucked us. It makes me angry just... 
 
 Oh god... The smell! Fuck. 
 
 `` Get that red fucker out of here!!!'' 
 
 Ugh. Disgusting. 
 
 Well, whatever. I should get out of bed. 
 
... 
 
 Why. The fuck. Do I have another chair? 
 
 Ok. Got ta stay calm. I'll just go ask Gleep Glorp. 
 
 *knock knock* 
 
 `` Helloooooo, Keeper Gleep Glorp'' 
 
 A series of gibberish is all it would sound like to you. They outfitted me with a translator. I'll spare you the details and keep it at `` some Alien stereotypes are true.'' 
 
 `` What do you mean companion?'' 
 `` Male or fucking female?'' 
 `` Well, I mean, the females piss everywhere but...'' 
 
 The door opens and Sasha, the Golden Retriever I had when I was 10, bounds at me in delight. They must think dogs eat at the table.. Or maybe they actually cloned her to do so. It's a happy day either way.
