[ WP ] You work in the HR department of the world 's most notorious assassin 's guild . They may be good at cleaning up their messes outside , but the inside is another story ...

`` Alright everybody, settle down,'' I called out to the full room. I was standing in front of a pull down screen and just connected my powerpoint presentation to the overhead projector. Tax season was about to come and assassins are notoriously bad in properly filing taxes. But that would change after this presentation. 
 
 I started with easy stuff. 
 `` This is your W-2, you should have all received one.'' 
 
 A hand shot up. I called on Lukas, a seasoned, ruthless killer known for his way with blades. 
 
 `` I've received my W-2 a couple weeks ago, but it does n't include the bounty for Birmingham's mayor. But I killed him within the tax year, I'm sure of that!'' 
 
 Others nodded in agreement as they had similar questions. 
 
 `` Good question, Lukas,'' I said. I remembered that case, it made its round in the local newspaper for quite a while. The mayor was eventually found, badly disfigured stowed into a mailbox a couple streets down from city hall. 
 
 `` But remember, Lukas, even though you killed the mayor during the tax year, he was n't discovered until the new tax year began. Thus, it will show up on next year's W-2.'' 
 
 `` Even if his death was ruled as two weeks prior?'' 
 
 `` Even then.'' 
 
 Lukas briefly creased his eyebrows, but then he nodded and scribbled notes on a wanted poster of a con-man. 
 
 `` Okay, moving on,'' I said and skipped to the next slide. 
 
 `` Once you figured out your adjusted gross income, you can choose between standard or itemized deduction,'' I explained while looking around. As expected, everyone seemed confused, except for Dr. Gentleheart. Dr. Gentleheart, PhD, kills his victims by administering a high dosage of morphine before killing them by slicing their throat and has a PhD in Chemistry from Tufts. He is one of the smartest assassins in the business. Clients prefer him for assassinations of relatives or very young targets. 
 
 I explained the concept, and continued on to the difference between state and federal taxes. Again, they had difficulties, but this time, I was n't as well prepared. 
 
 `` Ok, let me make it clear to you with an example. Suppose you have two assassins, assassin Badtax and assassin Goodtax. Assassin Badtax killed three A-list targets, four B-list targets, and eighteen C-list targets last year.'' 
 
 `` That's just another Sunday morning for me!'' called out Joe von NoBalls, making the class laugh. His specialty are making cases look like accidents. However, every assassin needs to provide proof of the killings, and, for unknown reasons, he always used the same body part of his male victims. I was constantly amazed at his creativity to make these organs part of the story, not once did the police doubt the incidental nature of his victims' deaths. In class, though, he was a dick. 
 
 I waited until the class quieted down and proceeded. 
 
 `` OK, one of assassins Badtax A-list victims was Japan's trade minister whom he killed in a city in a neighboring state, let's say, Boston.'' The class went silent, impressed by this hypothetical murder. 
 
 `` How did he kill him?'' someone in the back asked. 
 
 I did n't think anyone would ask that. 
 
 `` Uum... the trade minister was late doing his taxes and had to run to the post office to send out his taxes. On the way, Badtax shot him,'' I answered, proud that I mentioned the importance of filing on time. `` Badtax then put the bounty on his state tax form and thus increased his state income. What did he do wrong?'' 
 
 Dr. Gentleheart raised his hand. `` Totally unnecessary to let the victim suffer this much, if you ask me,'' Dr. Gentleheart said. `` Unless you hit him right into his vitals, he'll still be alive for a really long time.'' 
 
 `` Who cares about his pain? The police will catch you in seconds if you shoot a guy in the open,'' Joe interrupted. `` No no, you've got to be more subtle. I'm thinking about something with a car, a drunk driver, a prostitute you paid to get that man drunk, and a trained crow.'' 
 
 `` Why a crow?'' I asked, before realizing it and cut him off before he could answer. 
 
 `` OK ok, so... Badtax shot him from a nearby window right into his heart and a trained falcon retrieved his left finger as proof,'' expanding on my story. The assassins nodded approvingly, only Joe said something about falcons most probably eating the proof, how it had happened to him before and how that was why he preferred body parts that came in pairs. 
 
 `` What did he still do wrong?'' 
 
 The class was puzzled. After a while, a coarse voice rose up. 
 
 `` You ca n't file the murder on your state taxes,'' Little Miss Sunshine spoke, sitting next to the open window, looking up from her notepad full of doodles. She was very pretty, the whole class turned to her immediately. She preferred killing only married men and women, and did so by pulling out their hearts out of her victims' mouths while they were still alive. Unrelated, her husband had cheated on her years ago. They live separated now, he moved abroad, was what she said when asked about him. 
 
 `` Correct,'' I said and followed up, `` And can you explain the rest of the class why?'' 
 
 Little Miss Sunshine looked annoyed and answered reluctantly. 
 `` According to the Assassins' laws of Massachusetts, any animal-related murders are ruled as animal cruelty and are thus illegal.'' 
 
 Shit, I did n't even know that there were Assassins' laws. 
 
 `` Exactly,'' I said quickly. `` Well done!'' 
 
 Little Miss Sunshine went back to doodling on her notepad, and several assassins raised their hands. I guess I was going to be here a while longer.... 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

