[ WP ] God is dead and we killed him .

“ Anderson. Anderson! You have GOT to try one of these God-steaks. ” 
 
 Jackson stepped out of the elevator and strode into the control room, still chewing with relish and brandishing a second plate for Anderson, dripping with gravy. Most of the crew had gone downstairs to join the celebration, but Anderson was still surveying the monitors, dutiful as always. 
 
 “ Oh, thanks man… I thought the line was going to be forever. ” Anderson waved at the central monitor, evidently a satellite view down over the prostrate body of God, now sprawled at the base of the Appalachian mountains, his grey-bearded head in Virginia and his feet somewhere in the Eastern Townships of Quebec. Other screens showed heavy machinery hard at work slicing off chunks and putting them on flatbed trucks, which were conveying the pieces to trains – some destined for storage facilities prepared in northern Ontario, and others for ships headed to Greenland. 
 
 “ Any problems with spoilage? ” Jackson asked, impressed with the signs of efficient industry. 
 
 “ Nah, the meat seems especially resistant to bacteria and dessication, but we ’ re not sure how long that will last. So as you can see we ’ re going full-steam ahead with the cold-storage plans. ” Anderson had begun to dig into the plate with gusto. “ Holy shit… guy ’ s seriously tender for an old dude! ” 
 
 “ I know, I know. Better than we ’ d hoped. But the hair is super-strong; they think they can use it as-is for the space elevator cable. ” Jackson scanned the other monitors. “ Hey, any word on the Dead? ” 
 
 “ Yeah… mmf mmf, ” Anderson replied through a full mouth, “ processing has started and… mmff… the Heaven ones are relieved just to be free of the tedium, and most of the Hell ones are pretty cool people, actually. Lots of fun. We've got psych people and security on hand for the rest. ” Anderson wiped his mouth with a napkin and pushed the plate aside for the moment. “ There are lots of them of course, but now that the physical constraints are unlocked the guys at the Institute have begun to dial up the mass of Mars to get ready for colonization. They ’ re going slowly for now, but that ’ s just over-caution if you ask me. Soon we ’ ll have it all sorted. Should be able to take everyone for now, and later we ’ ve got Jupiter to play with. Oh! And terraforming should be a cinch. Michael said he ’ d help… you wouldn ’ t *believe* the size of the ploughshare he ’ s got with him. ” 
 
 Jackson smiled and nodded with approval. “ Yeah, I talked to Barnes and he said the angels had taken a vote and most of them were looking to set up a commune somewhere in Andromeda. Some of the archangels are just confused, but that ’ s always the way with middle-management – take away their direction and poof – complete indecision. But on the other hand, you should hear that Gabriel – turns out he ’ s been sneaking away to jazz classes for decades, and now that he ’ s playing out in the open he ’ s pretty damn good at it. Got a record label in talks and everything lickety-split. ” 
 
 Anderson nodded knowingly. “ Our biggest problem seems to be the hard-core Christians. Turns out they weren ’ t kidding -- the threat of eternal punishment really WAS the only thing keeping them from raping and murdering. You should have seen them go at it once they saw the footage. But we ’ ve got people cleaning that up now. Some of the devils are proving pretty handy at that work, and assured us they knew that particular crowd well and knew just how to handle them. ” 
 
 Anderson looked thoughtful for a moment and seemed to be weighing something. Then he smiled and said to Jackson in a lowered voice, “ Bill, you wouldn ’ t believe it. The sensor people say that now that the big dude is gone, they ’ re picking up some weaker signals that were being masked by his carrier wave. Look over here…. ” He adjusted some dials and tapped some keys, and his desk monitor switched to a dark scene that was partly obscured by static, but could still be made out. 
 
 Jackson whistled. “ Is that what I think it is? ” Anderson nodded and smiled. “ It is. Valhalla. Looks like next year ’ s budget renewal will be a cinch. ” Both of the men pumped their fists and high-fived. 
 
 Just then the elevator doors slid open and Danforth strode into the control room brandishing a plate and still chewing. “ OMIGOD Anderson! ” she said, “ you have GOT to try one of these God-steaks! ” 
 
 It was going to be a very good day. 

