[ WP ] Write the last two journal entries of a woman that does not want to live , now that her husband has left her .

February 5, 2015 
 
 Not one chance. 
 
 He wo n't give me, not one chance to start things over. After the phone call, I decided to drive up north to the preschool Davin was left at. I found that he was n't there. He must have figured that I would try to take him... now I have no one to hold me down. To look after... to love me, and to let me love. But I guess that's just it... no one wants my love. No one wants me to love them... because I'm worthless. What do I mean to anyone? I'm garbage. I'm shit. I'm disgusting. Everyone looking at me... they stab me with their minds. They try to wipe me out of existance, because I'm disgusting. Ugly. Unloved. 
 
 So... I went to the liquor store. The one that's near the preschool. I always thought that place was so strange. Being put no less than a mile away from the preschool. How odd it was... but to me, right now, it could n't have been placed more perfectly. I write this now intoxicated. Yes. I am drunk. So wonderfully and disgustingly drunk. The man at the counter looked at me concerned. As if it was so early to drink... it hardly is. 2 pm is hardly early enough for me. I grabbed at least three bottles of wine, vodka, and some other stuff... I'm honestly too lethargic to go and see what else I baught. I know I got some beer too. I probably did buy too much. Does n't matter. None of it matters anymore. I drove home, guzzling whatever was in the glass bottle down. I do n't want to feel, but I feel so much... 
 
 
 
 February 6, 2015 
 
 I know how many were killed. This is probably the first thing the police will see. They deserve it. All of them. Him. Davin. And all those useless people. They never loved me. They never wanted me. They all thought I was disgusting. They lied to me. 
 
 When I went to my mom, at first it was just to talk... to tell her what happened with Mathew. How it did n't work out between us. But she snickered. I saw it in her face, how she had always thought that. We talked, and she said that it was my fault. I hate her. I felt all that hate build up, and I cracked the bottle in my hands and lashed out. I pressed the glass I to her heart. Her skin split easily, and there was blood. It felt good. I wanted to do that. And I deserved it. I was wronged. I was in pain. She should have comforted me... I left her body like that. Sitting on the couch, her eyes wide open with her heart cut out. Beer bottle still in hand. Blood everywhere. 
 
 I went home, took out dad's old gun he lent me, and drove up to Jane's place. She always had a thing for Mathew. Not anymore. Her daughter never knew Mathew, but she will never have the opportunity now. I went to to the preschool, and shot them. The rifle was an amazing shot. I killed everyone. All of them in that puny preschool. I hated Davin's teacher. She would always look at Mathew wrong. 
 
 I buried Davin. He did n't deserve it. The one that did n't have to die, but it was necessary. I want Mathew to feel pain. I want his heart to rip out. Also, I swallowed some pills. 
 
 I know, I'm a disgusting human being. 
 
 *** 
 
 Hope this was dark enough.
