[ WP ] Death goes grocery shopping and her brother Life finds her in the canned goods isle .

At RISE: *The stage is a supermarket aisle. Shelves stacked with various canned goods upstage right, left and center. A sign saying ‘ Canned Goods ’ hangs from ceiling downstage left. Half-filled trolley downstage right. * 
 
 *Faint Christmas music can be heard. * 
 
 *Enter Death stage right wearing black cloak and hood, keeping her face hidden from audience, carrying a scythe in right hand. She shuffles along to center stage whilst facing audience, using her left hand to pick up and inspect supermarket items. * 
 
 *Enter Life stage left. He ’ s wearing a white robe with embroidered flower motifs, and a crown of roses on his head. * 
 
 LIFE: Hey there, little sister! Fancy finding you here! Long time no see! 
 
 DEATH: ( underwhelmed ) Hello Life. What a surprise… 
 
 LIFE: So… How have things been going down here on earth? I ’ ve heard you ’ ve been doing a fantastic job! 
 
 DEATH: Same as usual I guess. 
 
 LIFE: Come on little sis, don ’ t you go all modest on me! What ’ s the most lives you claimed in a day this year? Must be that earthquake in Pakistan at the end of September. You clocked over 800 people that time yeah? Good going! Not as good as me though. You know, yet another year of net worldwide population growth and all that… 
 
 DEATH: ( mumbling ) It ’ s because you have an unfair advantage. The humans are on your side. 
 
 LIFE: You know that ’ s not true! They were seriously helping you out during their last two world wars. 
 
 DEATH: That was over sixty years ago. 
 
 LIFE: Yeah, and afterwards they developed the atomic and hydrogen bombs. Those looks promising! 
 
 DEATH: But they never really used them. Now they ’ re all over this new “ cyber-war ” or whatever they call it. Nobody dies from that. 
 
 LIFE: Now, now, reaper sister, why so grim? ( chuckles to himself ) See what I did there? Reaper, grim? Grim reaper? Never mind… Why don ’ t you just ask for another pandemic for Christmas? If the Almighty thinks you ’ ve been a good girl he might give you another avian or porcine flu? 
 
 DEATH: You think so? 
 
 LIFE: Yeah sure! Something along the lines of the H5N1 or the H1N1 would complement that HIV of yours nicely. Slap on a different number and you ’ re good to go! Maybe with a bit of luck you ’ ll get a good run with it. 
 
 DEATH: ( getting excited ) You think I can pull off another Black Death? 
 
 LIFE: Why not? Just make sure you let me know before hand! You almost got me worried back then, I thought you were going to win! You damn near killed half of Europe with that plague. 
 
 DEATH: That was the point. 
 
 LIFE: But where would you be if you killed all the humans! You ’ d only have the animals, plants and fungi to play with… 
 
 DEATH: ( interrupting ) And the protista and monera! 
 
 LIFE: Yeah, but those are a bit shit aren ’ t they! Seriously little sister, if it weren ’ t for me you ’ d have destroyed everything by now. Then you ’ d be in a sorry state wouldn ’ t you! But fear not. Big brother will always be there to stop you from doing anything stupid. 
 
 DEATH: You ’ re stupid. 
 
 LIFE: Now, now. Let ’ s not get hurtful. After all, I ’ m your big brother who will always love you to death. ( more chuckles ) Anyway, I ’ m hearing good things about that global warming thing you ’ ve got going on. Can ’ t freeze them so you melt them eh? Looking forward to that. 
 
 DEATH: Actually after the initial rise in temperate there ’ ll be another ice age and then… 
 
 LIFE: ( interrupting ) Yeah, yeah. Sounds lovely. Anyway, I can ’ t spend all eternity here talking to you. Got plants to pollinate, eggs to fertilize, births to deliver and cells to multiply! So much do to that sometimes I wonder how I manage it all. I guess I ’ m just awesome. Catch you some other time little sister! Take it easy; don ’ t work yourself to death! ( bursts into laughter ) Hah! Work yourself to death. Good one. I ’ m a genius… 
 
 *Exit Death stage right. * 
 
 DEATH: ( under her breath ) I hope someday you die of laughter. 
 
 *Christmas music gets much louder and more cheerful. * 
 
 *Curtain. *
