[ WP ] A man is in court accused of witch craft . It 's 2014 .

The Honorable Judge Gonzalez was tired. It had been a long day, and he wanted nothing else except to go home a crack open a cold one. 
 
 `` Alright, last case of the day. Who's next?'' 
 
 `` Christopher Atluri stands accused of witchcraft, your honor,'' the court clerk read off her list. 
 
 Gonzalez raised his eyebrows. `` You're joking.'' 
 
 `` I am not joking, your honor. Our state never got around to taking it off the books. Witchcraft is still illegal.'' 
 
 `` Well,'' Gonzalez sighed, `` I guess I have no choice then, since my duty is to see that everyone gets a fair trial. Who's the accuser?'' 
 
 The clerk hesitated, then leaned closer to the judge and whispered, `` Old Man Bitters.'' 
 
 Gonzalez looked at the courtroom for the first time and saw the pasty old man sitting in the audience. He also saw the defendant, a man with a thick black beard, wearing a suit and matching turban. 
 
 He groaned, `` Oh, God *dammit*. I know exactly where this is going.'' 
 
 Judge Gonzalez straightened his robe. `` Alright, let's get this over with. I'll have the prosecution's opening statement first.'' 
 
 The lawyer at the table opposite from Atluri stood and monotonously began his opening statement, `` Your honor, Mr. Atluri has been accused of witchcraft on the grounds of-'' 
 
 Old Man Bitters jumped up from his seat in the audience and shouted, `` This man and his people are responsible for MILLIONS of American lives lost! He is an *infidel*! A *traitor*! He's-'' 
 
 `` For the last time, I'M NOT FUCKING MUSLIM!'' Atluri stood and whipped around to face his accuser. `` I'm Sikh! If you're going to be racist, get it right, you old FUCK!'' 
 
 Gonzalez pounded his gavel until both men quieted. He jabbed it at them and said, `` I will *not* tolerate that kind of outburst from either of you in my courtroom again, you understand?'' 
 
 Atluri bowed his head. `` I apologize, your honor. It's just that he's been harassing me since I moved in next door to him.'' 
 
 Old Man Bitters looked like he had bitten into something foul and stayed silent. 
 
 Judge Gonzalez leaned back in his chair and said, `` I think I've heard everything I need to hear. Case dismissed'' 
 
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - 
 
 Later, as Gonzalez was leaving his office to go home, he found Atluri waiting for him. 
 
 `` Oh, hello, Mr. Atluri, was it?'' 
 
 The suited man shook the judge's hand. `` Please, call me Chris. I ca n't thank you enough for your help back there.'' 
 
 Gonzalez rubbed the back of his neck. `` Oh, uh, thanks. It's nothing, really. Just doing my job.'' 
 
 `` Nah, man, really, I appreciate it. In fact,'' Atluri reached into his jacket pocket, `` Here, have this.'' 
 
 He pulled out a keychain made of an oddly iridescent wood that was carved into a symbol Gonzalez had never seen before. Atluri handed it to the judge. 
 
 While examining it, Gonzalez said, `` Look, man, I'm thankful for the gift, really, but I do n't accept gifts from people who I have tried.'' 
 
 He tried to give the keychain back to Atluri, but the man just closed the judge's hand around it, saying, `` It's for luck. Keep it.'' 
 
 The judge turned it over in his hand. `` I-I ca n't. Look, if you really want to show your gratitude, buy me a beer or somethi-'' He looked up and the man with the turban was gone. Gonzalez searched the courthouse for him, but to no avail. `` Well, I guess I can keep it,'' he said to himself. 
 
 As Gonzalez was driving home, hitting every green light on the way, he got a sudden urge to buy a lottery ticket. The man had never played the lottery before, regarding it as insurance for suckers, but tonight he stopped at a gas station bought a dollar scratcher for the first time. 
 
 As he scratched off the graphite in his car to reveal the numbers ( Match the 7s to WIN BIG ), Gonzalez was regretting his decision. No one ever won the lottery, so why would he? 
 
 He did n't notice he had revealed all six 7s, plus a 7 in the MegaBux box until he discovered there was no more graphite to scratch off. He stared at the $ 369,000 jackpot he had won. 
 
 Gonzalez fingered the keychain in his pants pocket and gasped, `` Well I'll be damned.''
