[ WP ] You and everybody else can not speak . You have to communicate by writing/typing/drawing .

*One Lazy Hero* 
 
 *J.Fourier* 
 
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 **Day 1** 
 
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 Right now; I'm a bit lost in the world, to say the least. 
 
 
 
 Stopped with the psychotropic the other week. Dreadful idea. Almost had me leaving my box and going outside! Ca n't have that. Even started gardening. Difficult and boring; all for a little tiny payoff. 
 
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 Nope. Not mine. I'm just going to leave it all up to the sapiens. 
 
 
 
 Difficult out here as a crow, to be honest. The humans have n't quite figured it out yet ( I think ); but I'm not like them. Part of me thinks that the scraggly head plumage gives it away; but for the most part I seem simioform enough. I speak their language; they seem to respond. More or less, at least. 
 
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 I'll let you be the judge of that, though! 
 
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 Alliterate for impact; the window tells me; sure! Schizotypal ( somewhat sexualized ) stereotypies; such sibilant's salience is surely superintended! 
 
 
 
 
 As you can see, here's exhibiting more than a little functional difficulty. For a crow; fitting into the contemporary world is difficult. Surrogate father John primed me for it! Metaphorical paint ( albeit; a morally dubious shade ), sticking quite well! 
 
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 I have to say! 
 
 I really do. 
 
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 And sure, I should n't even be re-Quaaluding myself, much less my ( ostensible ) compatriots. Being de-luded and de-lusioned is no fun, stay in your state of subjugation! Once you lose your luddity, you become de-luded; and you're not putting the veil back on. 
 
 
 
 You might have even done it just with that! 
 
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 Sorry! Here is the plan! 
 
 1. Corrupt the gorilla's morals 
 
 2. Steal their children 
 
 3. Thoroughly wash the savages' minds 
 
 4. Social Darwinism 
 
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 Is that too pretentious? That's too pretentious is n't it. 
 
 
 Simioforms can be really touchy especially when it comes to their intellectual capacity. They really are careening through the cosmos quite uncontrollably ( in my unqualified crow assessment ). Some degree of relaxed stability to the whole effort. 
 
 Do n't you dare suggest that to one of them; that offends their delicate religious sensibilities ( I've been told ). Statistically speaking religious sensibilities are highly correlated to gorrila-pattern behavior; I'd do it just for your own safety. 
 
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 Speaking of that, I'm a crow born to a blue-jay and a vulture. Nobody even questions it. 
 
 And, in the animal kingdom, that's often the wisest course of action. Controversies can be manufactured, drummed up, set on fire and drenched out again in a matter of hours. 
 
 
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 Best not to ask! You really should n't! 
 
 
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 I, Here's fiction is anachronistic and inconsistent, see. Best not to poke too deep. If I'm honest; I have been fancying myself to see wolves recently, even notating it. Plugging sexualized platitudes both left and right! 
 
 
 
 Taking down one-liners and paying some poor carp to ghost write, even! He's not ethical; I'm telling you! “ Historical Gonzo Science Fiction ” he called it; that's all you need to behold in order to comprehend! ( I get paid by the word, see. ) 
 
 
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 This is what he told me; “ Just mash up a bunch of semi-related mythos with WWII; slam it into Campbell's archetypes. Plagiarize Lolita while you're at it; America seems toward a hebephebophillic trend lately. It's set in a grecco-roman empire so all the pedoincesex is less taboo ” 
 
 
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 Verbatim, I swear it. 
 
 
 
 
 Bunch of insane newspeak laced nonsense; what is a carp even supposed to do about that? You ca n't even tell the parts written by I, Here's ( intentionally meant to deceive ) from the parts written by the Carp in the style of I, Here's intentionally deceiving the audience. 
 
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 One deeper? Ca n't go that deep; I'll have to get the carp to do it. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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 **Day 2** 
 
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 My psychotropic of choice is stink herb. Consumption sure is n't pleasant, I'll tell you that much. I do n't even know if I enjoy it. But it's certainly reinforcing. 
 
 
 
 
 I just took my first inhalation in a week, and I do n't really know what happened next; but I'm here are n't I? The modern stink herb has a high proportion of psychotogenic compound; it really is quite strong. The hours turn into days into years so much quicker on the forgetfulness psychotropic. 
 
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 I fancy myself a few compatriots; I think Romulus and Ceasar sound fine! Let's go with that. 
 
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 So; I embarked off with my legion friends. I'm supposed to be a cybernetic crow, are n't I? I name myself something like “ iHere ” Or maybe “ I, Here ”; that might fit the setting better. Anyways, I, Caligula is just a crow, but somehow they've given me a human's body! 
 
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 Graciously, I might add! 
 
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 I'm not going to ask where Romulus got the body. I think it best not to disturb him. Made a pact with Zues I hear; real dodgy stuff. And, of course, he's now the ( ostensibly ) divine leader after Olympus fell. All that; and he's still quite a silly feline, all things considered. 
 
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 I would n't set aground near him if I were you though. 
 
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 Sure, he's friendly enough on the surface but if you're not careful he'll hex your right ( hemisphere ) straight back to a carp. He rightfully borrowed a large proportion of Olympus' power talismans in the chaos surrounding the fall; so you better watch out! 
 
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 Anyways, we set out on the Hero's Journey. One moment I must consult the oracle. 
 
 It's telling me that we really should not set off on the Journey. I think that is wise. 
 
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 And, I'm supposed to form a secret society and use this book to haze you into it. Let's not even go there; crows really should not be trusted with power, we know that. I do n't think that path is entirely ethical. 
 
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 Clearly this is some form of classical hobbit-based quest. 
 
 
 Quests are scary; and I'm the one in control of this schizophrenia! Let's make it a comedy instead! No wait, it's an exercise in absurdity. No, wait! Now that we've acknowledged it, it no longer exists! 
 
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 Ah, a parable. Now that's it. 
 
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 Have you been down to the supply depot lately? Notice anything suspicious? That's right, all the soap is sold in small flimsy boxes. At risk of accusations of conspiratorial thinking, I think that might be part of the reason I'm here. 
 
 
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 It's best not to ask! You really should n't! 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

