[ WP ] Michael , a 15 year old Call of Duty player , realizes the greatest trash-talking opportunity of all time . Over his headset , he recognizes his opponent 's voice as that of President Obama .

There is only one thing trickier than maneuvering through the narrow hallways of Ascend while staying one step ahead of your pursuer, and that's crafting the perfect smack-talk. In this game, outpacing a trail of bullets is only mildly more satisfying than outwitting your opponent on the social landscape. Sure, there were the old fallbacks, the stuff that makes up the background radiation of an FPSer's life, but Michael held himself to a higher standard. 
 
 Through years of practice, he'd honed a specific set of rules and methods for trash-talk. You always play nice during the match. You always create an atmosphere of polite, respectful sportsmanship. You always strike up what could be a lasting friendship, finding things in common with the opponent and talking about it at length, all while embroiled in savage combat. And at the end of the match, you always, *always* go in for the kill, using what you've gathered to create the most cutting remark possible before leaving them for the rats. 
 
 And nothing had changed about Michael's approach when he recognized the voice over his headset of none other than President Barack Obama. He dealt with the realization in the same cavalier manner with which he threw his next grenade, taking out three of the president's teammates in the process. But where to begin? 
 
 Michael began probing immediately, now certain of who his mark would be. He started asking political questions, which, while it riled up most of the combatants, did n't seem to get anywhere with the president. He tried talking about neo-colonialism, the military industrial complex, and even Black Lives Matter, but Obama was oddly silent on all fronts. The match continued, the score wavering between dead even and a one-point advantage for either side. Finally, however, he hit on something that everyone could agree on: Space Exploration. 
 
 The president almost immediately chimed in with his thoughts, and suddenly the combat stopped as every other fighter realized exactly who was talking. The match timer ticked away while everyone stood still, in awe of the president's apparent deep-seated passion for astronomy. Michael saw his opportunity with only a few seconds left on the clock. He moved into position. 
 
 The president went on: `` Making sure we stay at the forefront of space exploration is a big priority for my administration. The passing of Neil Armstrong this week is a reminder of the inspiration and wonder that our space program has provided in the past; the curiosity probe on mars is a reminder of what remains to be discovered. The key is to make sure that we invest in cutting edge research that can take us to the next level - so even as we continue work with the international space station, we are focused on a potential mission to a asteroid as a prelude to a manned Mars flight.'' 
 
 Michael's gun went off. Game Over. Red Team Wins. The lobby was silent, everyone in shock. A muffled crackling sound came in over the lobby as Michael adjusted his headset for the final blow. 
 
 `` An asteroid, Mr. President.''
