[ WP ] You live alone , but the toilet seat is warm .

Another sudden ending to a day that spanned countless hours. Each one less significant than the last. There at my doorstep, I hoped I could ease my mind with a hot meal. So I pushed the door open with substantial force and closed it with equal strength. Taking my shoes off and dancing towards the fridge. However, without warning my bowels threatened to rend my anus to pieces. My dance halted and transformed into school yard skip to the toilet. 
 
 The details are both awful and negligible. But what is worth mentioning, is the small fact of the toilet seat being quite warm before I had used the entire mechanism. I had merely brushed this aside, while tending to my own duty. Not until I began lathering my hands with a bar of scented soap did the realization cross my mind. 
 
 Being the soul resident of my dwelling, this set a fire of cosmic terror within. Upon exiting the washroom, my white cotton socks grew warm, causing my feet to sweat. This sensation both confused and alerted me. My entire floor felt as though it was being heated by a kitchen stove set to low. A summer day it was, but so isolated was this incredible heat. 
 
 I reached the kitchen and there I met the source. A tall looking figure. Its skin was colored a light red, it had broad muscular shoulders, but a slim physique. Its legs started quite human, but changed after the kneecap into animal like appendages, resembling a lion's hind legs. Four horns grew outward of its temples like a dragon, curling and morphing around the elongated cranium. I supposed it acted like hair for this creature. 
 
 It was facing the open fridge, rummaging around. When without warning it turned to me. In its arms were: mayonnaise, some corned beef I had gotten yesterday from the deli and dejon mustard. Two slices of bread also lay on the counter top. I looked at the monster, its face appeared alien. Big deep glowing yellow eyes, a powerful jawline and no nose only two slits. An almost hawk-like face. I was then immediately surprised to see breast-like protrusion from the chest. A thick dark red layer of outer muscle acted like a strapless robe covering any hint of sexuality. 
 
 `` Hello.'' A deep feminine voice said. The creature acknowledged my presence. 
 
 `` Hi.'' I said. 
 
 She thumbed around, with her large claw like hands looking for a butter knife in a nearby drawer. 
 
 `` I've always wanted a fresh ham sandwich. Too bad you only have this beef. But it will suffice.'' She said cracking open the mayo. My mouth slid open. 
 
 `` Who are you? What are you? Why are --'' 
 
 `` Those are a lot of questions.'' She laughed to herself. `` But I'd hate to keep you in the dark. I mean all that sweat dripping down your forehead is already making you quite uncomfortable. Unanswered questions will only lead to more tension.'' Now she folded slices of corned beef on the dressed slices of bread. 
 
 `` First of all, I am what your wild imagination has pegged me as. A demon.'' She said taking the assembled sandwich and raising it up to her mouth. `` But I'm a good demon.'' Sinking her sharp teeth into the morsel. Taking half the meal in one bite. 
 
 `` I must be dreaming. You ca n't be real.'' 
 
 `` Oh I'm very real. A little dishonest, but real.'' She reached back into the fridge for a beer. 
 
 `` Fine, then if I suspended every sane thought in my head and believed my eyes --'' 
 
 `` No, not just your eyes.'' She interrupted. `` You nose, your skin, your ears. You smell my scent, like a ravenous bonfire. You feel the heat from my heart of hellfire. You hear my voice, a woman's voice.'' 
 
 `` My brain can fabricate all of this. I'm probably having a stroke.'' I reasoned. 
 
 `` Fine.'' She said finishing the sandwich and washing it down with my beer. `` Then why was the toilet seat warm?'' 
 
 Son of a bitch. She used the toilet. I felt it. If my brain was about to self-destruct, perhaps was the toilet seat the first symptom? Yet the rest of my body was cool. It would make more sense that the hot floor would be the first symptom. 
 
 In an effort of psyche snapping lunacy, I grabber her forearm. It felt like grabbing the handle of a cast iron skillet. Burning my palm instantly. I yelped and ran to the sink for cold watery relief. 
 
 `` Well, glad we got that out of the way.'' She smirked. 
 
 `` Fine! Fine! You're real.'' I shouted. `` Why are you here then? To eat all my food and drink all my beer?'' 
 
 `` No, I've already done that.'' She belched. `` No, I'm here to be your guardian.'' 
 
 I laughed. `` What? Like an angel?'' 
 
 `` Do n't call me that.'' She said. `` But, the basic concept is the same.'' 
 
 `` Well then explain to me why the fuck I would need a demon guardian?'' I said nursing my injury, with an ice pack and a tea towel. 
 
 `` Well sunshine, you see Heaven and Hell are n't so different. They both have goals, and they both have footsoldiers to help meet said goals. You just happen to be in the master's gaze at the moment.'' 
 
 `` I'm not some mindless pawn for Satan. I was raised Christian for God's sake.'' 
 
 `` Better not say his name so liberally. I might take offence to that.'' She said. Her tone switching from playful to stern. 
 
 `` Fuck Satan.'' I said. 
 
 She lunged towards me, grabbing my neck and raising me up to her fiery yellow eyes. Each breath was being choked out of my lungs. 
 
 `` Do not disrespect him you odious leech.'' She growled. `` If not for him, you would have killed yourself tonight.'' She dropped me. 
 
 I massaged my throat and coughed for air. My thoughts were stopped dead and I felt like a flea to the beast. 
 
 `` I would call you worthless, but I know its not conducive to your mental state.'' She said. 
 
 A few fleeting ideas entered my brain. My flimsy spiritual backbone meant God apparently had no interest in my self prescribed demise. Another was the Devil wanted to keep me alive, so he sent the female juggernaut for company and protection. And finally, the mystic beyond that was Heaven and Hell truly existed. Yet, those ideas fell to the now consuming abyss that swallowed me up. I was going to kill myself. 
 
 `` I do n't understand. I -- I sometimes get a little depressed, but I'd -- I'd never kill myself.'' 
 
 `` That's not important right now.'' She said. `` I'll fill you in later. But for now just take comfort in the fact that I've got your back.'' 
 
 As confused and scared as I was. Something about those words and her playful demeanour gave me momentary respite. 
 
 `` O -- OK.'' I muttered. 
 
 `` However, what you do need to concern yourself with is that you're out of food and beer.'' She smiled, tossing me the keys to my car. The keys were red hot. I bounced them back and forth like a hot potato. 
 
 `` Well what do you want me to get --'' 
 
 `` I wrote you a list.'' She handed me a piece of paper. `` Now, let's get going. That corned beef was sub-par.'' 
 
 I put a bandage on my hand and grabbed a couple pot holders, in preparation for any more future contact. We headed to the door.
