[ WP ] [ MP in description ] The last thing you remember is going about your normal business . You awake to find yourself being examined by a figure muttering about as he tinkers with you , muttering about `` errors '' ...

`` But do you looooove him?'' Ela teased, but drew back once she realized what she had said. Her eyes dimmed like blown-out candles. `` I mean... can you love now? With all that... junk in your brain?'' 
 
 I could feel my eyes tightening like red-hot coils. I felt like some part of me was.. untethering. Letting go. Dimming out. Sometimes I wish I could just -- 
 no. breathe. Rein it back in. Stay here. 
 
 `` I can love,'' I said, `` just like you can. I'm not a damn robot, Ela.'' Why has this been happening? I've been so angry lately. Always so angry. Maybe dangerously angry. I was starting to worry. There were a couple spots in my memory. Dark spots. Things happened that I do n't remember. Bad things; I know, because I'd come back to awareness a few times with blood on my knuckles. 
 
 I turned from her and searched the patio of the coffee shop for something, anything, to cool me down. Settled on some weird ice-y thing with so much whipped cream and sauce and wafers in it that it looked like liquid diabetes with diabetes sprinkled on top. I wanted it. 
 
 I turned back to Ela as she spoke. `` Jonsan. I did n't mean it.'' I nodded enough to let her know she'd been heard. But if I looked at her, really caught her muddy brown eyes with my water-blue ones, I'd feel the anger again. But maybe not looking at her made it worse, because it made the disgust in her voice that much clearer. 
 
 `` Look, I'm sorry. I did n't mean to hurt your feelings, okay? It's just... hard. Getting used to it. You. We thought you were dead, after that accident.'' 
 
 So did I. 
 
 `` We came to terms with it. Accepted it. This is hard for us, too.'' Her voice wavered a little, and once I may have felt sorry for her. I may have touched her hand and comforted her. But instead, I felt the darkness creeping in. I was losing it, losing touch again, I could n't let it - 
 
 `` Listen, fucko. This is n't easy for me, either. How the hell do you think it is for me?'' I yanked at my shirt, because it kept me from yanking the hair out of her skull. I'd gotten so used to fidgeting around, always pulling and tugging, anxious that some part of my circuitry was showing. I could feel my voice rising. 
 
 `` Are you seriously giving me this shit right now? Trying to act like it's soooo hard for you to deal, when I have to fucking live with fake legs and half a fake brain?'' My fingers tightened on my shirt and squeezed. I imagined it was her neck. I was starting to lose it again, starting to go away inside. Something else was coming out. `` God, sometimes I think you'd benefit from a double lobotomy. Someday, I just fuckin' mi -- 
 
 
 
 `` -- ight.'' Wait, what? I was just in a cafe, was n't I? What happened? 
 
 ``.... serious errors,'' said a voice above me. 
 
 I realized my eyes were closed, and opened them. And found a place kind of like a library, except it was all metal, and I was lying on a metal slab in it. Naked. 
 
 I struggled to rise, panic ratcheting from the pit of my stomach to my throat. Where the hell -- 
 
 `` Ahh, you're awake!'' said the voice, which must have belonged to the little man in front of me that looked more rat than man, with a ratty little nose and watery little rat eyes. 
 
 `` I'm awake,'' I agreed, and looked about me. There were tools everywhere. Machines. A couple mecha legs here, a couple mecha arms there. The kind of stuff that gave me a good idea of where I was. 
 
 `` You're the guy. The one who made me... like this. Are n't you.'' It was n't a question. 
 
 `` Well, yes!'' He sounded proud. Like a hyped up little puppy. 
 
 `` Why the fuck am I here? Did you mess something up? Is that why I've been losing it? What did you do to me?'' I think my voice rose an octave ( and a decibel ) with each word. `` Is it?!'' 
 
 `` There have been... some errors.'' 
 
 I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and maybe also throw things and beat my fists on the ground. But I did n't. I wanted to cover up, too, but there was n't anything to cover that he had n't already seen. This was the man that took me in, all broken from when I'd been splatted between a wall and a self-driving car gone rogue. He'd seen more of my body than anyone else ever had. 
 
 My legs had been crushed, my hips splintered. My head had been partly caved in, too. From what they tell me, I mean. Not like I saw it. Or remember it. He'd rebuilt me ( we have the technology! ), my brain all repaired with some kind of faux-organic material thanks to his home-made nanobots, and my legs torn away and replaced with some freakish piston-y mecha things from some kind of sci-fi movie. 
 
 All bought and paid for by Ice Mama dearest, who now could n't even bother to call The Thing that used to be her daughter. Anger flamed in me, hot as summer. 
 
 Wait. Normally, there'd be more than anger here. Right? I feel like I should be dimming out, starting to lose my grip... but I'm not. This anger is normal, standard-issue. 
 
 `` Did you fix me?'' I asked, and the childish hope in my voice made me want to cringe. 
 
 `` You're all fixed up!'' He said proudly. `` Just a little problem the nanobots had when they were reconstructing one of your lobes. A simple little rewiring, yes, and you're good as new!'' 
 
 `` Thank God. Thank you, I mean.'' Relief flooded me and I felt tears swarm my eyes and drip down my cheeks. `` I have people I need to... apologize to.'' 
 
 I looked up at him, and did n't like what I saw there. He looked shifty. Uncomfortable, like there was something he was dreading telling me. 
 
 `` What? What is it?'' 
 
 `` Well, you see, I -- it's just -- when your circuits overheat, you see, a signal's sent to me -- just so I know you're working correctly, you know. And -- and --'' 
 
 `` And what?'' I pressed, and my annoyance leaked into my voice. 
 
 `` There was something wrong. With your emotion center. You'd get angry, quite angry, yes, and then... lose control of what you were doing. You... you hurt people. A few people.'' 
 
 `` No! No, no, I never ever lost control! I never hurt anyone!'' No. No. No. 
 
 `` I'm afraid you did,'' he said, and his voice turned soft and pitying. I found myself beginning to hate him. `` Your... your mother, Jonsan. She nearly died.'' 
 
 I was losing it again. But this time, not in anger. In sorrow. I could have drowned us both in the tears that fled my eyes in the next few moments. I could n't believe it, but it explained so much. Why I could n't remember things. Dark windows in my memory. 
 
 `` Is she okay? She's all right now, yeah? I can see her?'' 
 
 `` She's in the hospital, but she's expected to make a full recovery. She's the one who called it in. At first I, I did n't realize that the overheat-signals I was getting from you signified violent outbursts. There were other people, Jonsan, that you hurt. We just.. just did n't know. Until now. What you were doing. But it's obvious you did n't remember doing it. Any of it. It was n't your fault.'' 
 
 It was all fluff after that. I was okay-ed to go home, with a guarantee that my fucked-up half-brain would work just as it always did. 
 
 I stayed away from people, for a while. Could n't face'em, not after what I'd done. Things I did n't remember. Things I only had heard about from Ratface, once I'd demanded he go into more detail. Mom had shut up all of my... victims. Apparently, she spent quite a bit of money to keep her ruffian child a secret. 
 
... 
 A few weeks after the incident, I texted Ela. She agreed to meet me, so I went to her house one sunny afternoon, hoping I could apologize, and things would be like normal. 
 
 No dice. 
 
 `` So, Ela,'' I said, after she'd invited me to sit. `` How've you been?'' I tried a smile, but it probably looked more like a wince. 
 
 She eyed me. The dangerous cyborg. Things always get out no matter how hard you try to keep them secret, Ma. 
 
 `` I've been great. Except for my best friend going nuts on me in a cafe. In front of so many people! God damn, that was embarrassing. If you ever do something like that again, I'm going to issue a world-wide Avoid-Jonsan Alert.'' 
 
 A flash of anger, quickly curbed; hey, I probably deserved that. 
 
 `` I'm really sorry, Ela. It was n't my fault, I swear. I do n't remember any of it. You know... you know I'm not like that.'' 
 
 `` I do n't know who you are anymore, Jonsan. I'm starting to not want to find out.'' 
 She looked me full in the eyes, mud-brown to water-blue. 
 
 Did I say mud-brown? I meant frozen dirt. 
 
 `` I'm the same person as always, Ela. They fixed me! I'm okay now. I'm... I'm safe.'' 
 
 It was Ela's turn to avoid my eyes. `` Yeah, except... You needed to be fixed. People do n't go to a mechanic and get fixed. Machines do.'' 
 
 `` I'm only part machine,'' I said, trying to smile. Smile, Ela. Do n't do this. 
 
 `` You're not the friend I used to know, Jonsan.'' She sucked in a breath and looked at me. `` I know what you did to your own mother. Your own mother, Jonsan! You're not a human anymore, you're a monster!'' Her voice had become a banshee scream. 
 
 I reached for her hand, but she pulled back. I tasted anger, hot on my tongue. 
 
 `` Ela, just --'' 
 
 `` No. I need you to leave. Please. Just get out. Just get the hell out.'' 
 
 There was nothing else to say. So I did. 
 
... 
 
 Where'd all this blood come from? 
 
 
 _______ 
 I wrote this right before bed-time, so it's not at its best. I just really wanted to get the story out. Hope you like it, thanks for reading! ( Sorry the ending was a little rushed! ) 
 Constructive criticism always welcome! ) 

