[ PI ] Space Ride – FebContest

Let me start off by saying, based on the narrative, this was my favorite story I read out of all of the group. I love science fiction and that may have caused me to be more critical of it. I love your humor, and reading the description in the thread was funny to being with, and even funnier the second time around. It was just missing a spark and some polish that would have went a long way toward making it my vote. 
 
 The issues I have are mostly that I feel that because the premise is so grandiose that the novella treatment makes it suffer. I feel a distinct lack of setting details tended to take me out of the story as I had to kind of think of them in my head. Honestly, since my story was science fiction as well, most of it was pretty easy to piece together, but I feel like that means I did n't really get to see your vision. 
 
 For example, you open your story in a bar and provide very few details about it. Is it a seedy bar that only criminals and those looking to hide go? Is it a rocking place that all the cool space-cats hang out? For me it ended up being generic bar where people are aliens, except for one girl, and if had n't been for your characters, I might not have enjoyed reading it from that point on. 
 
 I do love you characters, and even the slightly cliche plot You did an excellent job in the conversations and I could feel the emotions of the characters, even if the plot had to move forward quicker than I would think a story of this nature should. 
 
 I also have to say the formatting left something to be desired, I'm so used to an indent on each paragraph that it threw me off for a bit when there were n't any, however I can generally assume that was some issue with copying into a Google doc ( I had a similar issue before ). 
 
 That being said, I had a very hard time not voting for it. Like I said, I love the story and would love an expanded version of it if you ever choose to write one. 

