[ EU ] The Always Sunny Gang becomes World of Darkness versions of vampires .

Black Screen: 2:34 AM. Wednesday. Paddy's Pub. 
 
 Mac: `` I am just going to come out and say it, I miss the day time. Having picnics, going for walks in the park, the beach...'' 
 
 Dee: `` You never did any of those things, we spent all day in here.'' 
 
 Dennis: `` Tell me about it, I'm all pale and gross and this... this is just ridiculous. This bronzer that bitch sold me is useless. Totally useless. It's really, becoming an problem in my Requiem. I mean when we first got embraced I figured it was going to be great, ya know? Eternal youth, I'll have this killer bod for eternity. That's good! I can mentally dominate any woman and that has made getting laid way easier. I have so much more time. But... every night it's blood this and blood that. I mean it's too much.'' 
 
 Frank ( as he finishes feeding off a crack whore in the corner, blood covering his face and chest. There's a pile of rotting bodies behind him ): `` Well this is working out great for me.'' 
 
 Dennis: `` Jesus Frank, just look at you! Is... is this your Requiem? Is this the kind of requiem you want? Really? Is this how you want to spend eternity?'' 
 
 Frank ( blankly stares at him ): `` Yep.'' 
 
 Dennis: `` We are the heirs of an ancient bloodline of undead GOD beings. We can dominate the wills of man, we can move with the swift grace of a shadow, we can turn to mist and... and you just grab any ol' wretch out of the gutter and - you know what? I do n't care.'' 
 
 Mac: `` Forget about him dude, he's just a a Nosferatu what can you expect?'' 
 
 Dee: `` No he's not, we're part of the Daeva Clan.'' 
 
 Dennis: `` We are not. We're Ventrue.'' 
 
 Mac: `` No way, we're Gangrel. Look at how feral and badass I have become.'' 
 
 `` Dennis: `` WE ARE ABSOLUTELY VENTRUE WE ALL HAVE THE SAME SIRE! FRANK JUST LOOKS LIKE THAT, MAC YOU LOOK THE EXACT SAME AS YOU DID IN LIFE AND DEE... shut your mouth.'' 
 
 Dee: `` Are you mesmerizing me?! I'll mesmerize you!?'' 
 
 Dennis: `` You're not going to mesmerize me! I am unmesmerizable!'' 
 
 Frank: `` Do any of you want to feed off of this who-ore?'' 
 
 All Three: `` Oh my god, no one wants to feed off of your disgusting gutter trash Frank!'' 
 
 Mac: `` See! See this is what I'm talking about! The night time it's the time of vagrants and women of ill repute! How are we expected to be the best vampires we can be if this is all we can eat! We got ta do something. And do something fast.'' 
 
 Charlie walks in with Rickety Cricket. Charlie is burned and maimed. 
 
 Dee: `` Charlie, what the shit happened to you?'' 
 
 Charlie: `` Oh my god, dude, the sun! It's like hotter and I go outside and it's all blaarrrahhh and I catch fire! I'm all like what? It's crazy.'' 
 
 Mac: `` Charlie. The sun burns us. Remember, we talked about this.'' 
 
 Charlie: `` Totally. Totally. Anyways... so I ran into Crick here. He threw some trash on me and shielded me from this like that weird super hot sun and we got to talkin' and one thing led to another and I'd figure we'd eat him. 
 
 Cricket: `` Aww damnit Charlie you're going to eat me!? You said you were going to turn me into a vampire?! Why do I even listen to you people?'' 
 
 Dee: `` God damnit Charlie! You told him!?'' 
 
 Charlie: `` What do you mean? of course I told him.'' 
 
 Mac: `` It's called the masquerade dude, the prince is going to be pissed.'' 
 
 Charlie: `` Screw that guy, lets eat Crick, he'll taste better than a McPoyle.'' 
 
 Cricket: `` You fed off of a McPoyle?'' 
 
 Charlie: `` Yeah, it was awful all gamy and milky.'' 
 
 Dennis: `` Why would you ever stoop so low as to eat a McPoyle.'' 
 
 Charlie: `` Listen guys we can go back and fourth all night of who the most delicious McPoyle was or we could make our fangs come out and kill Cricket.'' 
 
 Cricket: `` Do n't kill Cricket.'' 
 
 Dennis: `` What the hell, he's got ta be better than one of Franks disgusting rotten whores.'' 
 
 Dennis and Dee climb off the bar and start to approach a nervous Rickety Cricket. 
 
 Mac: `` Woah, woah, woah guys. Hang on a second. We ca n't eat Cricket. Look at him, he's a travesty. But, he might just be what we need...'' 
 
 Cut to: Black Screen `` The Gang Ghouls Rickety Cricket'' 
 

