[ WP ] An evil witch has placed a curse on the human race . As a result , all idioms , similes , and metaphors physically happen when we say them .

Kevin sipped his early morning black coffee, noting the gray summer skies outdoors from his tiny one room apartment in Milwaukee. Advancing towards his kitchen window, a slight drizzle outside pattered onto the glass pane. Most people would presume the dreadful weather was foreshadowing for a horrible day to follow, but Kevin knew better. Weather in Milwaukee was always repetitive and dull. After stimulating his tired brain with more caffeine, Kevin began the dreary commute to work. 
 
 
 
 Following an uneventful subway ride to 6th street, Kevin entered a dark gray building and took the elevator up to the third floor. The walls of the elevator were a plain gray with a slight metallic shine, just enough to reflect the image of a middle aged white male with an average build, dressed in a white collared shirt with gray slacks and a few spiky hairs in the back that refused to lay down straight. Ding. Kevin exited the elevator and opened a door that read `` Boilerplate Accounting LLC.'' Inside, a few coworkers greeted Kevin with formalities, while the remainder stared at their tedious work displayed on legacy computer screens. 
 
 Before Kevin could place his leather bag down at his cubicle, another familiar looking man interrupted, `` Kevin, our review meeting is in 5 minutes. Room 23B, be there or be square.'' 
 
 Nodding, Kevin acknowledged his colleague's statement and proceeded to the meeting room as was typical of his Tuesday mornings. 
 
 
 
 `` As you can see from this figure,'' a man's voice droned, `` our financial risk assessment team's numbers have dropped the last two months.'' 
 
 Kevin felt himself beginning to doze off, the monotonous voice literally putting him to sleep. 
 
 `` In summary, Team A will collaborate with Team B to increase efficiency and kill two birds with one stone.'' The bland presenter went on like this for some time, with lengthy explanations for each chart and report until finally the meeting concluded with `` Do n't forget our company outing will be this Friday night.'' 
 
 As Kevin started to rise from a silver chair, a bespectacled man butted in, `` Kevin, I do n't want to cut corners, but I think we should skip implementing an assets section in our overall report for simplicity's sake. What do you think?'' 
 
 `` Sure,'' Kevin replied, `` fine by me.'' 
 
 The man in glasses inquired again, `` Oh, by the way, did you see Linda come in today? She was supposed to provide me with last week's financial outlook at the meeting.'' 
 
 `` Nope,'' Kevin responded. 
 
 `` Okay, well, see you tomorrow for our preparatory management meeting.'' 
 
 Kevin walked back to his office and plopped down in his swivel chair. He stared at his blank computer screen. 
 
 
 
 Kevin avoided discussing most topics with coworkers, not out of unfriendliness, but plain disinterest. Most office talk was mundane to be frank. But he felt strange, almost emotional, when Paul informed him of the unusual event that had impacted a Boilerplate Accounting employee. Late for work, she had died in a freak accident while speeding on the highway. Trapped inside and physically incapable of escape, she leaned back on the driver's door as the car burned. The firefighters cut away as much as possible, but they were afraid nothing would be left of her if they removed too much. The metal of the car door had melded with her skin in such a way that she was almost wearing her alloy deathbed on her back. Her family was forced to bury her in a custom-made square coffin due to size constraints. 
 
 
 
 Kevin was n't much for gossip, but the strange events he kept hearing from his colleagues unsettled him. Another exceptional accident had occurred last night at a high school football game co-sponsored by Boilerplate Accounting. The Milwaukee Hilltop Eagles were facing the Valley Falcons, and both mascots took to center field for the halftime show. As the Eagle danced and taunted the Falcon while rap music blared over the loud speakers, both students inside the costumes must have assumed the shouts from the crowd were of entertainment. But the yelling turned to gasps of horror as both birded mascots were flattened by a large runaway boulder from a nearby construction site on higher ground. The avalanche occurred without warning and nothing could be done to prevent it. Kevin wiped his sweaty hands on his gray slacks to hide his growing anxiousness. 
 
 
 
 `` Ouch!'' cried a woman from a nearby cubicle. Kevin heard her exclaim, `` Where is that Kevin?!'' 
 
 Strolling over and peaking his head around her cubicle, Kevin noticed a pile of documents strewn across her desk. She was sucking her left forefinger, as if it had just been cut by something. 
 
 The woman turned and started, `` Speaking of the devil-'' but paused staring at Kevin's pale face with intensity. Catching herself, she waved her hand as if to ward off haunting thoughts and resumed, `` Kevin, please laminate your documents before you submit them for review.'' 
 
 Kevin watched her examine her finger as she continued, `` Your latest overview report is missing an assets section and it's causing me a world of hurt.'' 
 
 The company news kept getting worse. Typically Kevin ignored recent developments, but the oddity of events just continued. Sara had been admitted to the hospital due to a bizarre condition. At first, the doctors were sure it was a simple paper cut, but she writhed in tortuous pain every night, murmuring strange things in her sleep. One nurse likened Sara's behavior to one who carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. After Milwaukee's Fox station aired the evening news with the nurse's interview, Sara's condition worsened. 
 
 
 
 Still confused by the recent events, Kevin noticed he kept receiving strange looks now. When he entered a room, he could sense an almost immediate fear that others felt towards him. Individuals would drop their conversations to a whisper and hurry out of the vicinity. Kevin welcomed the isolation. Standing next to the water cooler, Kevin watched his coworkers sitting at their computer screens, typing away at whatever mundane financial task was before them. 
 
 `` They're like little worker bees,'' Kevin observed aloud. 
 
 The same typing and clicking and printing of documents continued before his eyes. In spite of the recent freak accidents, life for Kevin in Milwaukee was the same. It was the sixth week of summer and life was always the same. 
 
 
 
 The next day Kevin was sitting alone at his desk working on another typical financial report. 
 
 He stood up and peering over the cubicle wall asked, `` John, can you help me analyze thes-'' 
 
 The empty swivel chair stared back at Kevin in silence. The entire office was quiet today. Kevin shuffled some papers and looked around. He pulled up the calendar on his computer, confirming that it was in fact a work day. Curious, Kevin began wandering around the office. Not a single person besides Kevin had come into work this Friday. He arrived at the other end of the office, just outside of the new regional manager's office. The black door obscured the interior of the only private office in the building from sight. Kevin read the inscription engraved in white lettering on the door, `` Regina George, Regional Manager.'' Kevin tapped on the door. No one answered. Kevin reached for the handle and swung the door open with ease. A large oaken desk greeted him, a beautiful piece of handiwork. Behind the desk sat an attractive young blonde, who was paging through documents. Kevin approached the desk, but the young woman continued her work without even a glance upwards. 
 
 `` Where are the others?'' Kevin inquired. 
 
 The woman looked up from her printed reports at Kevin through horn-rimmed glasses. She carried an air of freshness and relevance. Studying Kevin's expectant expression, she chuckled and replied, `` I think you know the answer to that, Kevin.'' 
 
 Flustered, Kevin demanded, `` What do you mean, did I miss a memo? I'm the only one working here today.'' 
 
 `` Apparently that's not the only memo you missed.'' 
 
 Kevin stormed forward, slamming his fist on the desk. `` Look here!'' he shouted in frustration, `` There's a lot of strange things going on lately, and I do n't like you're nonchalant attitude. Now tell me what's going on!'' 
 
 With a look of annoyance, the shining young belle removed her glasses and placed them on the desk. Collecting herself, she answered very matter of fact, `` Kevin, your coworkers are dead.'' 
 
 Stunned, Kevin went silent. 
 
 She continued, `` I'm surprised at how well your acting skills have improved. But you did n't expect me to believe your deceitful behavior, did you? After all, you know how much I adore you...'' 
 
 Wordlessly, the alluring woman stepped out from behind the desk and approached Kevin. Kevin's heart quickened and his throat became dry. She stood, her ruby lips just inches from his. He felt her press her soft body close to his. She murmured, `` Now whisper sweet nothings in my ear.'' 
 
 Even more confused, Kevin stammered, `` I- I do n't know what you're talking about.'' Kevin threw up his hands, `` You're crazy! You're all crazy, this whole town is crazy!'' 
 
 Overwhelmed, the charming debutante flung herself at Kevin, sighing, `` I love the way you lie!'' 
 
 `` Enough!'' Kevin yelled, `` I do n't know what evil corporation you sold your soul to, but I quit!'' Storming out of the private office, he finished, `` I'm done with the freak accidents and especially with forsaken Milwaukee!'' 
 
 The bewitching young blonde fell into the arms of her chair puzzled. `` Surely he is lying,'' she thought to her self, `` why would the devil forget his contracts?''
