[ WP ] After a bad breakup , you take Reddit 's famous advice . Lawyer up , hit the gym , delete Facebook . The problem ? You are Mark Zuckerberg .

Echoing sobs reverberated down the marble hallways in the Zuckerberg Estate. Tucked away in his bedroom, Mark bent over his computer ( empty cartons of ice cream strewn across his desk ), and tried his hardest not to click on picture after picture of his recently-made ex-wife. Tears streamed down his face and pooled in between the keys of his keyboard, or soaked into the cocoon of sheets Mark had wrapped himself in. 
 
 *I ca n't believe what you did to me. I ca n't believe how much it hurts. How could you do this to* me? *Do n't you remember what we said, when we were flying back from Paris? Did that mean nothing to you? I miss you so much. It's not too late for us. We can still go back. I love you, I love you, I-* 
 
 He selected all of the text, and smashed a finger on the delete key. 
 
 As if somehow the very *sound* of a keyboard reminded him of her, he let out another moan, and river of mucus dripped down from his nostrils. Mark pulled a tissue out of a gold-plated container, blew his nose, and tossed it over his shoulder. The paper landed with a gentle *fwap* on top of a growing pile of discarded, snot-filled tissues. 
 
 He started typing again. 
 
 *I wish you still loved me. * 
 
 He hit enter. 
 
 *'' Message Sent. `` * 
 
 Mark moved his cursor back to the top of the page, and dove into his settings. His cursor hovered over an option that read, *'' Delete Account. `` * 
 
 `` Goodbye forever, my love,'' he uttered, and he depressed his finger with a *click*. 
 
 *'' Are you sure you want to delete your account? `` * 
 
 He clicked `` Yes.'' 
 
 *'' Are you SURE you're sure? `` * 
 
 Yes. 
 
 *'' On a scale from one to ten, how sure are you? `` * 
 
 *When did we put* these *questions in? * he wondered vaguely, and clicking on the number ten. 
 
 *'' OK, hit `` Yes'' to delete account. `` * 
 
 When he moved his cursor over the `` Yes'' button, it jumped away. 
 
 `` What the...?'' 
 
 He moved his cursor again, and it jumped away again. 
 
 Carefully, he scrolled his cursor toward the Yes button, and at the last moment he swiped over it, clicking at the same time. 
 
 *'' Ding! We're `` sorry,'' our servers are currently `` over capacity,'' and this action can `` not'' be performed at this time. Please try `` Delete My Account'' again in eight hundred seventy-six years, three days, two hours, and twelve minutes. Thank you for using Facebook and have a `` nice'' day! `` * 
 
 *** 
 
 Read more *not* funny things at /r/PSHoffman 

