[ WP ] You have died and gone to hell , but it 's not what you expect . You wake up naked in a field with nothing but trees around you ... it turns out that hell is an early access survival game .

I woke with a start, on a bed of green. 
 
 My first thought was not a coherent one, and my arms slapped out to the side as if to catch myself from a fall. Slowly, my brain began to register that the throbbing in my head was because I was staring directly up, into the overhead sun. I squinted at it angrily before sitting up. 
 
 I was in the middle of a grassy plain. White bunnies darted in and out of burrows scattered around me. My legs were splayed out in front of me – they were bare but for a pair of underpants, and toned with… with the smooth, wiry muscle of an endurance athlete… 
 
 “ What the fuck? ” My outburst faded to a whisper as I wiggled my toes for the first time in a decade. I had legs again! 
 
 “ This must be a… I must be… ” I stuttered and pinched myself. It hurt. I stared in amazement for a moment before I realized that there was a flashing light in the corner of my vision. I looked at it, only for it to expand into a blue text-box. 
 
 *Welcome to Hell! v0.2-314* 
 
 I was in Hell? I glanced around again. This place didn ’ t look like Hell. Honestly, it didn ’ t look too bad at all. Kinda like an old-school RPG. And I could walk! I stood up shakily, then moved toward a nearby bunny. It bounded away before I could touch it, but I quickly spotted a stationary bunny sunning itself on a rock. I plodded towards it and reached out to brush its soft fur. I froze. I touched it again. That ’ s… 
 
 “ Bizarre. ” I murmured. The fur looked like it should be soft and silky, but it felt smooth and leathery, and colder than it ought to have been. I reached out to touch it again, then jumped back with a yelp as fire exploded in my hand. The bunny bolted from the rock, not running so much as sliding along the ground in an odd zig-zag pattern. 
 
 “ The fuck?! ” 
 
 *Snake deals 5 damage. * 
 *You have been poisoned! * 
 
 Words slowly floated across my vision before fading into the sky. I watched them for a moment before steeling myself and trying to think things through. Ok. I wasn ’ t on Earth anymore. I had legs and I was *outside*. That meant that this place, Hell or whatever, didn ’ t follow normal Earth rules. The point was punctuated by a *-1* rising from my hand and floating off. 
 
 Clearly, this was some kind of virtual world with survival elements. Vicious bunnies, for example. I looked up, just in case the furry assholes were plotting some kind of ambush, only to go still as I saw I was alone. 
 
 A low growl sounded from behind me. I slowly turned. 
 
 A massive wolf stood only a few meters away. It bared its teeth and growled menacingly, bright red eyes seeming to suck in the daylight and shine it on its prey. On me. 
 
 Shit. 
 
 I bolted, running across the plains as fast as my new legs could carry me. The wolf let out a howl as it gave chase. Did that mean it was calling friends? Wolves were pack animals, right? Are game wolves still pack animals? 
 
 My mind whirled with an odd mix of detached curiosity and abject terror at the thought of the wolf hot on my heels. I could hear its loping footfalls. I imagined I could feel the heat of its breath on the back of my neck. I heard jaws open! Spittle struck! I tripped; screamed! 
 
 “ AHHHH! ” I curled into a ball and covered my head. A moment passed. 
 
 A gentle breeze whistled by. 
 
 Slowly, I uncurled myself and looked back. The wolf was stuck in a strange mid-motion pose. Its legs were locked as if in the middle of running, but its head thrashed and snapped in a disjointed motion. Its front paw seemed to be stuck inside the small boulder that I must have tripped over. The wolf froze completely, though I could still hear it snarling and snapping. Its body began flicking back and forth, facing different directions without any movement in between before suddenly disappearing mid-snarl. 
 
 *'' Plains wolf has lost interest. `` * floated idly by. 
 
 Great. 
 
 Fan-fucking-tastic. 
 
 What did this place say again? Version 0.2? Humanity has existed for thousands of years and they ’ ve only got a version 0.2? 
 
 With a sigh, I looked down to the corner of my vision. An unobtrusive blue ladybug icon appeared in the bottom left. I willed it to expand. 
 
 *Hello! Would you like to re &! port a bug a bug? * 
 
 I raised my palm to my face. 
 
 This was going to be a long afterlife…. 

