[ WP ] Rome was not founded on the Tiber , but on the Mississippi .

Billy Bob Tiberius spit a big wad a chaw onto the ground. “ Whoooo, doggy, Crispus Ray. Did you see that wreck? ” 
 
 “ Shit, Billy Bob Tiberius, I never thought Dale Equitius was gon na pull off that win. I tell you, I love track day at Circus Maximus Tallidagus, ” said Crispus Ray. He chugged the last of his wine and tossed the empty can onto the ground. 
 
 The two friends laughed as they left the track and walked out to the parking lot. “ Damn, Crispus Ray. Is that your new chariot? ” said Billy Bob Tiberius. 
 
 Crispus Ray laughed and leaned against his new vehicle. “ You bet your sunburned neck, it is. ” He patted the side. “ Jacked it up myself. This baby rides over two feet off the ground now. ” 
 
 Billy Bob Tiberius laughed. “ Won ’ t get any of those libby Populares stuck under this baby. ” 
 
 “ Did you hear about them barbarians coming from up north? ” said Crispus Ray. 
 
 “ Sure did. Bunch of illegals want to come down here and steal our jobs. If we let a bunch of them Germanics here cleaning our Coliseums and picking our crops, we won ’ t have any kind of slave economy left, ” said Billy Bob Tiberius. He spit another wad of chaw on the ground. 
 
 “ Damn, right. Those Yankee Senators want to make us pay our slaves a wage. It ’ ll ruin our economy. ” 
 
 Billy Bob Tiberius shook his head. “ Fuckin ’ Populares. ” He spit on the ground once more. “ Do you think Sabanus is going to sign another five years with Alabama football after this year? ” 
 
 Crispus Ray pumped his fist in the air. “ Hell yeah! Whoooo, doggy. We ’ re sure to win the National Championship now that Scaevola is coming back as QB. Did you see we just recruited a four star Carthaginian running back? Hannibal Barca? ” 
 
 Billy Bob Tiberius and Crispus Ray hooted and hollered as they chugged their Vitta Hyacinthina Pabst wine. 
 
 A group of well dressed men and women walked by Billy Bob Tiberius and Crispus Ray. They sneered at the two men and whispered amongst themselves. “ Those two give us Southerners a bad name, ” said one man. 
 
 “ Ignorant back water hicks. I hate that people think that ’ s what we sound and act like, ” said one of the women. The others nodded in agreement. 
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