[ WP ] The world is teetering on the brink of destruction . Only 2 people remain alive , both of them old ladies . They are face to face with the eldritch creature that has singlehandedly destroyed their planet . And in its terrifying presence ... they make cheeky small talk about what brought them here .

FADE IN: 
 
 EXT. A DESOLATE LANDSCAPE - AFTERNOON 
 
 *A red sky covered with black clouds hangs above an expanse of blasted countryside. Dark craters pockmark the land, and the corrupted hulks of destroyed war machines lie rusting in the acrid air. Amidst this desolation, two elderly women sit on rocking chairs that are curiously undamaged. These are DELILAH and TABITHA. A small table with a tea set is present between them. * 
 
 **DELILAH: ** It's a bit hot today, is n't it? 
 **TABITHA: ** Yes, very hot. Time was, you'd have to go on holiday for this much heat. 
 **DELILAH: ** Oh, I never liked hot holidays. Too many tropical drinks! 
 **TABITHA: ** Do you know, I had a tropical drink on an arctic cruise once? 
 **DELILAH: ** ( *Shocked* ) You did n't! 
 **TABITHA: ** Yes, it put me right off my dinner. 
 **DELILAH: ** As well it should. 
 **TABITHA: ** I said to the man, I said, `` What the devil are you doing serving Mai Tais while we're skirting Greenland?'' 
 **DELILAH: ** What did he say? 
 **TABITHA: ** He said I should n't have ordered it. 
 
 *The two women cluck their tongues and shake their heads. A booming voice fills the silence. * 
 
 **INRITUS: ** ( *O.S. * ) You are trying my patience. 
 
 *For the first time, a truly gargantuan demon is revealed to have been standing in front of the women. This is INRITUS, scourge of mankind and destroyer of the planet Earth. * 
 
 **TABITHA: ** Oh, do you hear that, Delilah? We're trying his patience! 
 **DELILAH: ** Perhaps he'd like a biscuit. 
 **INRITUS: ** I am *right here*. 
 **DELILAH: ** Yes, dear, but we're not going to walk over to you. 
 **TABITHA: ** Not that we mean to be rude hosts! 
 **DELILAH: ** No, no, it's just that my knees are n't what they used to be. 
 
 *Tabitha nods and hums in agreement. * 
 
 **TABITHA: ** No, not at all, are they? Just yesterday, I took nearly three and a half minutes to get down the stairs! 
 **DELILAH: ** It's a good job there are no more stairs, is n't it? 
 **INRITUS: ** ( *Shouting* ) *Enough! * 
 
 *The demon clenches his fists, and tremors shake the area. Delilah watches the ripples in her tea with muted interest. * 
 
 **INRITUS: ** ( *CONT'D* ) There are no more stairs because I destroyed them! I have vanquished the whole of your people, laid waste to your lands, and brought forth the end of this world! 
 **TABITHA: ** Yes, dear, we're not blind. 
 **DELILAH: ** I did think I'd gone blind once. 
 **TABITHA: ** Did you, now? What happened? 
 **DELILAH: ** Well, it had to do with the salmon. You see, I... 
 **INRITUS: ** ( *Interrupting* ) Quell your babbling, fools! You have been spared only so that you might deliver a message to your creator! 
 
 *Both women suddenly look very stern. * 
 
 **TABITHA: ** Here, now! There's no call to go being rude! 
 **DELILAH: ** Funny, that's just what I said to the salmon. 
 **INRITUS: ** Tell your master that... 
 **TABITHA: ** ( *Interrupting* ) Oi! Not until you apologize! 
 
 *A moment of ominous silence passes. * 
 
 **INRITUS: **... Sorry. 
 **DELILAH: ** Much better. Anyway, I'm afraid we ca n't help you. 
 **INRITUS: ** What? 
 **TABITHA: ** There's no `` master'' here. 
 **DELILAH: ** Ooh! Do you suppose he means that composer from up the road? 
 **TABITHA: ** No, no, that's `` maestro,'' not `` master.'' 
 **DELILAH: ** Oh, yes. Lovely fellow. What ever became of him? 
 **TABITHA: ** He got blown apart when that power plant exploded. 
 **DELILAH: ** That's a shame. Then again, I suppose it sounded better than some of his music! 
 
 *The two women titter to one another. * 
 
 **INRITUS: ** Your time here is ending. I suggest you heed my words. 
 **TABITHA: ** Oh, yes, very well. What is it you want, dear? 
 
 *Inritus draws himself up to his full, towering height and glowers down at the women. * 
 
 **INRITUS: ** This realm is mine. All of creation shall fall to my influence, and shall be remade in my name. 
 **DELILAH: ** I always did like a man with ambition. 
 **TABITHA: ** He's not so much a man, though, is he? 
 **DELILAH: ** No, not really... nor all that ambitious, now that I think about it. 
 **INRITUS: **... What do you mean? 
 **TABITHA: ** Well, here you are, prattling on about plagiarism. 
 **INRITUS: ** That's not... 
 **DELILAH: ** ( *Interrupting* ) `` Remade in your name?'' A bloody thief, you are. 
 **TABITHA: ** Why not try making something of your own, dear? 
 **DELILAH: ** Yes, like that lovely composer up the road. 
 **TABITHA: ** The dead one! 
 **DELILAH: ** Granted, they're all dead now. 
 **TABITHA: ** Yes, you'd have to start by putting things right. 
 **DELILAH: ** There's no call to be leaving a mess around, is there? 
 
 *The demon starts to look incredibly nervous. * 
 
 **INRITUS: ** What manner of creature are you that you feel no fear in my presence? 
 **DELILAH: ** ( *Scoffing* ) `` Creature,'' he says. 
 **TABITHA: ** That's kids today for you. No respect for their elders! 
 **INRITUS: ** I have existed for eons. My being began before the Earth was even a cloud of dust circling its star. 
 **DELILAH: ** You'd think you'd have learned some manners by now, then. 
 **TABITHA: ** It's like I always say. 
 
 *Delilah nods, and the two women rock in their chairs. * 
 
 **INRITUS: **... What? 
 **DELILAH: ** Sorry, dear, what was that? 
 **INRITUS: ** What do you always say? 
 **TABITHA: ** More than a few things, I'd imagine. She talks a lot. 
 **INRITUS: ** Not her! You! You said `` It's like I always say!'' 
 **DELILAH: ** You see that? He was listening! 
 **TABITHA: ** That's an improvement then, is n't it? 
 **INRITUS: ** *Stop, stop, stop! * Spare me this torment! I shall destroy you now! 
 **DELILAH: ** Get on with it, then. 
 
 *Inritus raises a clawed hand, then hesitates. * 
 
 **INRITUS: ** This is a trick. 
 **TABITHA: ** Oh, we're much too old for that nonsense. 
 **DELILAH: ** Yes, if you're going to off us, you might as well get it done. 
 **TABITHA: ** Mind you, we wo n't be delivering any messages to any `` creators.'' 
 **DELILAH: ** Superstitious rubbish, that is. 
 **TABITHA: ** Although... there was that fellow at the warehouse. 
 **DELILAH: ** `` Crater,'' not `` creator.'' 
 **TABITHA: ** No, those are the things in the ground. 
 **DELILAH: ** What do you call a man who puts things in crates, then? 
 **TABITHA: ** Damned if I know. Anyway, I meant the sculptor. 
 **DELILAH: ** Oh, yes! He fancied himself a creator, did n't he? Had it as his job title and everything. 
 **INRITUS: ** A *human* referred to himself as a *creator? * 
 
 *The women turn their attention back to Inritus. * 
 
 **TABITHA: ** Well, yes, dear! 
 **DELILAH: ** It's all in how you see yourself, is n't it? 
 **TABITHA: ** That sculptor could have stood to see himself a bit more often, though. 
 **DELILAH: ** And to have shaved! 
 **INRITUS: ** This... had not occurred to me. I shall consider it. 
 **TABITHA: ** You do that, dear, and come see us again sometime. 
 **DELILAH: ** Yes. Do clean up before you leave, though, would you? 
 
 *A colossal flash of light covers the area. * 
 
 CUT TO: 
 
 INT. A SITTING ROOM - AFTERNOON 
 
 *Delilah and Tabitha are still seated in their rocking chairs, but now they are in a cozy living room. * 
 
 **TABITHA: ** Lovely fellow. 
 **DELILAH: ** Yes, though he could stand to brush his teeth. 
 **TABITHA: ** How would you know? Yours are all false. 
 **DELILAH: ** ( *Looking into her cup* ) My tea has gone cold. 
 **TABITHA: ** Oh, stop your whining. It's not the end of the world. 
 
 FADE OUT.
