[ WP ] After a screw up occurs at the post office , Santa starts receiving damned souls while Satan is stuck with thousands of wish lists .

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring -not if they knew what was good for them. 
 
 A choice had been made, a decision came down -of corporate screwups this was a gem. 
 
 Down through the chimney, choking black soot, 
 
 the Devil himself landed on cloven foot. 
 
 -- - 
 
 At his side was an elf or an elf of a sort 
 
 -it had great snaggly teeth and long nose to snort. 
 
 Up on the roof eight homunculi lingered, 
 
 tethered to a sled made of bones and of fingers. 
 
 With lost souls Santa's house may be crammed, 
 
 but Christmas was now the Night of the Damned. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Satan surveyed the home he was in and noticed something amiss. 
 
 Despite the late hour, there arose such a din, the devil was writhing in bliss. 
 
 From the living room came the sounds of a fight, a family's dysfunctional christmas play 
 
 -and one they play each christmas night and every damned Christmas day. 
 
 -- - 
 
 `` What's going on, why this tumult and toss?'' 
 
 The Devil asked with a grin. `` I'm just here to drop off this shit, now which one of you here is the boss?'' 
 
 The fighting about whose relatives sucked worse was cut off by the sight of these things. 
 
 A demon carrying a red sack of toys stood beside Satan's red, folded wings. 
 
 The man of the house, a drinker and lout, 
 
 stepped forward and stumbled and fumbled about 
 
 -dripping beer from a bottle still in his snout. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Draining the bottle, tossing it away, 
 
 the man bellied up to the Devil to bray, 
 
 `` this is MY house, you red-skinned old fool 
 
 -nobody tells this guy what to do.'' 
 
 But instead all he said was `` that's me,'' and that's good 
 
 because the devil had n't time to do the things that he would 
 
 -if this man were in hell as well he should! 
 
 -- - 
 
 The devil looked over the family before 
 
 the anger and hatred for each other they bore 
 
 should defeat their sensible fear of himself 
 
 and foolishly think he was some christmas elf 
 
 so on with his speech he did press. 
 
 `` You people amaze me, the life you depict. 
 
 I've never known any more in love with conflict. 
 
 You argue and fight, through the day and the night, 
 
 and had I things my way, you'd be coming to stay, 
 
 in the deepest pit I possess. 
 
 But no time now to talk of these things, I have a mission I'm pressed to complete. 
 
 I must deliver these fetid fool toys before the moon begins its retreat. 
 
 So take the damned bag and give out this crap 
 
 so I can get back to hell and take a damned nap!'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 The Devil shoved the bag at the man, who stumbled backwards a step with the force. 
 
 The Devil then left up the chimney again and the man drank more beer, of course. 
 
 The mother the bag did greedily snatch and ignore all the toys for the kids. 
 
 Instead she laid plans to sell it all off to afford the drugs that she did. 
 
 The devil was pleased, crossed their names off his list and urged his sled-drivers to fly. 
 
 He laughed a bass laugh and shouted from his seat as the sled hit the sky. 
 
 `` Merry fucking Christmas to all and to all... go to hell! Ahahahaa!''
