[ WP ] An advanced alien race arrives and offers to train a leader who will bring about world peace . This offer , kept secret by the government , is refused on the grounds that the training includes what is considered to be torture .

`` I'm sorry, what? Did I hear you right?'' 
 
 `` Yes sir, Mr. President. You did.'' 
 
 `` And they want them to..'' 
 
 ``... watch reality television, yes.'' 
 
 `` What kind of monsters are these people?'' The President leaned back in his chair. This was one for the books all right. He did n't know what to make of it. 
 
 `` Well, technically, they're not people, but really-'' 
 
 `` Aliens. Yeah, yeah, I know. But why reality TV?'' 
 
 `` According to their leader, Zaphod Bubblebrook or something, they find it appealing.'' 
 
 `` Appealing? 99 percent of the world does n't find it appealing!'' 
 
 `` Well, they do. Something about, and I quote, `` The human's ability to show off so much skin and not have it change color.'' 
 
 `` That's a thing? They like it because we're not bipedal chameleons? Damn. That's a new one.'' 
 
 The Secretary of Defense stood up and placed the large packet of files on the desk and began pacing. 
 
 `` We need a plan, Mr. President. We need something they'll never expect.'' 
 
 `` Well, who else knows? Who else can we count on? Surely it's not just us in this. There's got ta be someone who can help.'' 
 
 `` Well, actually... it is.'' 
 
 `` Really?'' 
 
 `` Really. Well, they've also offered the same deal to North Korea and Japan, but they both have n't gotten any responses yet. Last thing ol' Kim wants is peace.'' 
 
 There was a pause as both men sat deep in thought. 
 
 `` I've got it.'' The President leaned forward in his chair and placed his hands on the desk. 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` I know what we need to do.'' 
 
 `` Well, tell me.'' 
 
 `` Kanye. We send Kanye. We'll tell him it's a one-of-a-kind chance to perform in space. He'll eat it up like the mentally deranged hamster he is.'' 
 
 `` Sir, that's... just crazy enough to work.'' 
 
 `` I'll agree with the first four words of that sentence. Now, get Kanye up here no later than lunch. Bring Kim, too. Maybe she'll want to adopt one of the aliens as a sad little pet.''
