[ WP ] You managed to piss off every major world country while sleepwalking last night .

My roommate and I sat in front of the TV watching the news replay footage of my ecapades last night. 
 
 `` Dude, you've set a new bar.'' he deadpanned. 
 
 I took a breath and exhaled slowly as the enormity of the trouble I was in set in. He handed me a joint and lit it for me. I took it and inhaled. I definitely needed it. 
 
 I have a sleepwalking problem. It's usually pretty manageable if all the doors in the apartment are locked. But sometimes my roommate can be a dick and likes to leave a door or two unlocked so he could record my nightly preambles to show our friends later. 
 
 He did n't get a chance this time but someone else did - the security guard at the stadium. He followed me, after failing to wake me up when I stumbled past his gatehouse. The camera followed me down to the field where I somehow got the guide ropes for the banner wrapped around my arm. As I walked further out onto the field I dragged the entire banner down with me, which turned out to be a quilt of flags. 
 
 Evidently I started dreaming about being attacked by snakes and started thrashing about. The guard laughed as I struggled with the ropes, tangling my feet in the quilt in the process. I fell and the guard laughed harder. Eventually I got the ropes off my arm and stood up. I stomped on the `` snake's'' head and threw my arms up in triumph. The guard snorted in derision, followed by panicked shouts when I pulled out my lighter and set the'corpse' on fire. 
 
 The video cut off and the anchorman came back on, talking of demands for apologies by other countries. 
 
 `` It's alright.'' my roommate said, in a half hearted attempt to cheer me up. `` South Africa did n't need the World Cup this year.'' 

