[ RF ] `` I never wanted you to leave . ''

Hi mom. God, every time I come here I cry, but I'm only talking to a fucking grave stone. 
 
 You would probably tell me to'watch my mouth' or'respect the dead.' 
 
 I miss you so much. 
 
 I still hear your voice, you know. The high notes of your yelling when I upset you. The affectionate tone you used when you were proud of me. I hear you more now than when you were alive. And you know what? I listen to your voice now too. 
 
 I know I said some unforgivable stuff, but I was just so mad mom. I was angry and full of hatred when you left dad. I wish you had just told me that he cheated on you. 
 
 But I get it. You did it for me. You stayed with him until I was 16, and you did it just for *me*. You deserved a happy life. I was such a bitch. I'm sorry. 
 
 I never wanted you to leave the house, and I sure as hell never meant it when I said.. when I wished you were dead. It was the worst thing I ever said and I will never forgive myself. But, I did n't think it would be the last thing I ever said to you. 
 
 `` Are you OK mommy?'' 
 
 ``... Yes sweetheart. Just a moment. 
 
 She does n't just have your name mom, she looks like you too. She has your beautiful sandy hair and those big brown eyes. 
 
 I brought you daffodils. I remember you loved them when I was a kid. I hope you still like them as much as you did. 
 
 I love you mom.'' 
 

