[ WP ] The gods select those who represented them best in life to be their disciples in death . Now you 've died , and you 're greeted by the god of a religion you do n't follow .

All around me were clouds, but something glimmered in the distance. `` The pearly gates'', I thought. `` I'm finally here. Heaven.'' I sprinted towards the gate. 
 I was greeted by a golden inscription bridging the two massive doors. Upon it read, 
 > *'' Enter, and meet thy maker of your choosing. Whomever you worshipped in life, hath dominion over you in death. `` * 
 
 A sense of relief washed over me. I need n't fear meeting someone else's God on the other side of this door. We each had our own. I pulled open the gate ecstatically, a childlike wonder on my face. Then suddenly, my face dropped. Who the hell what that? 
 As if sensing my question, the God answered. `` I am Bull Shit. You have been worshipping me your whole adult life. Welcome to eternity.'' The brown steaming mass jiggled the words at me deeply. His crown, a golden steer, excreted more matter for the pile. 
 `` This ca n't be. My religion was real, it was the tru-'' 
 `` ***I AM REAL! ***'' The angry god steamed and bubbled. 
 `` Oh- okay... you're real. You're a true God.'' I stammered fearfully, `` B-but I did n't mean to worship you. Are you sure that I'm in the right p-place?'' 
 The fecal mass sighed. `` Few realize they follow me in life. But believe me, this is where you belong...'' The pile sunk, hinting at a deep inner sadness. 
 There was a long silence. Suddenly, it perked up. 
 `` But if it makes you feel any better, Tom Cruise is here too!''
