[ TT ] You have a gift for talking to inanimate objects . Alongside many perks , it makes you an excellent thief ... but you only steal things that want to be stolen .

Hi, my name is Deckerd. It ’ s an odd name, I know. My parents weren ’ t particularly kind in that matter. 
 
 Or any matter really. 
 
 My name is Deckerd and I ’ m a thief. I didn ’ t want to be a thief, but, as they say, sometimes your profession chooses you. I was always particularly adept at it. Like my name, I attribute this fact to my parents. 
 
 My father was apt to go on drunken binders seven to eight nights a week. He ’ d be more sloshed than a sailor on leave, had a worse mouth than a prostitute ’ s parrot and had a temper that would make a bear falter. Moving silently around the house was not just a preference, it was an rule; under penalty of ass kicking. And my father, ever the debauched pain the ass, would find time and tool to enforce such punishments. 
 
 And my mother was a whore. Literally. I wouldn ’ t insult her, or the profession, really, I find it ’ s a wonderful job. They ’ re doing god ’ s work. Or… wait. Well, you know what I mean. She was a nice whore for the most part, and a pretty good one according to her bulging wallet. She wasn ’ t particularly mindful of her money. Or perhaps she was and simply said nothing when a talent would go missing here or a dragon there. 
 
 But really, my thievery didn ’ t change from hobby to profession until one of the trinkets spoke to me. Yes, spoke to me. Not the godly or demonic kind of speaking, which usually involves a second party entity possessing your soul. The things spoke to me. 
 
 I don ’ t share this with anyone. The only reason I ’ m telling you now is because I know you won ’ t be able to repeat the story. This kind of thing would put me in a jacket at the loony bin. You seem like a pretty solid…thing… so I thought I ’ d share with you, since you were kind of enough to share with me. 
 
 You aren ’ t the first thing that wanted to be stolen. In fact, so many of you…things—I really need to come up with a name of you all—want to be taken, I only have time to steal those that speak to me, those that want to leave. Don ’ t worry, you ’ ll be among other belongings that wanted to be stolen. I ’ m sure a someone as lofty as yourself will have no issues making friends: it ’ s not everyday they get to see the Guard ’ s Seal Ring in their presence. 
 
 I ’ d like to see that captain make any decisions now, or explain it to the king without losing his head. Ha! What a glorious revolution this will turn out to be. I wonder what kind of orders we ’ ll be able to mock-up with a little bit of wax and your judicial stature? 
 
 Hush now, someone is coming around the corner. It won ’ t look good if they see me talking to a ring, even one of your political sway. 

