[ WP ] Your household appliances call an emergency meeting to discuss your current mental state .

`` Okay guys, I know this sounds crazy, but I think Lewis is going crazy.'' The Toaster said one day. A murmur and buzz went round the kitchen as the other appliances took this in. They began whispering among themselves, some in agreement with others thinking it was just stress from work. Or that bad break-up a couple weeks ago. 
 
 `` What are you talking about? I think he's doing fine!'' Chimed in Blender. `` He's been on this great juice kick with some sort of protein supplement. I think he's looking great!'' A few others'hmm'ed their support. 
 
 `` I do n't know guys. How many roasts can a man eat? He's been on a carnivore kick lately. Do n't get me wrong, I love the attention. And he's a bachelor now, so why not indulge? Still, I'm just worried about his diet. When was the last time Lenny ate a vegetable?'' Queried the Oven. 
 
 From down the hall the Alarm Clock chimed, and voiced her opinion as well. `` Yeah, I'm thinking he's a wreck. And I think it does have something to do with the break up. He never talks about Samantha, but he cries at night. He wakes up screaming for their dog. I'm guessing she took Spot?'' 
 
 The Can Opener wobbled forth. `` Come to think of it, I have n't opened any cat food lately either. You think that cold shrew could have taken Mittens?'' This set the appliances on a new buzz as they had n't noticed the lack of pets. 
 
 The Refrigerator brought the conversation to a halt when he rumbled up to speak. `` I think he might be seeing new appliances.'' The gasp was more than audible. `` Or he's thinking about getting new ones. No, it's true! Anybody remember that day he kept coming in and staring in me? Especially my freezer parts. He'd just glare before slamming the door shut and muttering'Not big enough' before going back into the basement.'' 
 
 Crock-Pot piped up `` He's been down there a lot lately. And did n't he take Electric Carving Knife? We have n't seen her since. She's probably sitting on a self, getting covered in cobwebs by now.'' A round of'tsk'ing made the room grow quiet in contemplation. 
 
 `` Well, I've also been seeing my fair share of use.'' came from the Coffee Pot. `` He took me down there for a couple of days, and I do n't think he's replacing us. It looks like he got a chest freezer. Nice enough fellow, I suppose. Those things are always a bit, well, slow if you get my meaning. Nice though.'' The others agreed, instantly relieved that they were not being replaced. The conversation seemed to settle down then, but it was n't to last. 
 
 It was the Disposal that spoke next. `` So I've been sitting here for a while, and I'm not sure what to really think. Lewis has been like a father to me and to all of us, you know?'' There was more than a little agreement at that. `` But I've been noticing some thing he's been dropping down in here. Gristly bits, and some bones. Small ones. And I seen him with all those roasts Oven mentioned, but the other day I noticed an earring. Guys, it was one of Samantha's. It was still in the ear.'' 
 
 The kitchen as a whole gasped. Then there was an uproar. I sat in the garage, listening. I'd been listening since I pulled in from work, trying to go through the days as if everything was still normal. Trying to maintain the illusion that Samantha had left with the pets. Trying to ignore the electric hum that coursed through the house. Trying to ignore the faint whirs and rumbles of the appliances I had used to carve and cook my beloved, as well as our beloved fur babies. But they knew. By God, somehow they *knew*.
