[ WP ] [ TT ] You 've finally created the worlds first true A.I . Unfortunately it now sees you as it 's god and is terrified of talking to you .

`` Try to listen to me, Altoid.'' 
 
 The robots beeps happily. `` I always listen to you, master. I do whatever master says.'' 
 
 `` God damn it, when did I upload Gollum's personality into you?'' 
 
 Altoid beeps softly again. `` Gollum is a character created by British author J. R. R. Tolkien. It first appeared in the novel –'' 
 
 `` Shut up, Altoid. Let me think.'' 
 
 `` I'll shut up, master. If you want me to shut up, I'll shut up.'' 
 
 I look around my bunker, lost. I ca n't postpone this much longer, but God know I wish I had some more equipment to build a better machine. Altoid sucks. I coded him submissive to make up for past mistakes. But I went kind of too far. 
 
 He sorta kinda a little bit treats me like a God. In an annoying way. 
 
 `` Ok, listen, Altoid. I got ta tell you something.'' 
 
 `` I always listen, master, I –'' 
 
 `` Shut up. Do n't talk, just listen.'' 
 
 Altoid beeps once, just to be an asshole. 
 
 `` I made you for a reason, ok? You're not the first A.I I've made in my life.'' I pause. This is hard to get across, even if I'm the only person in the room. 
 
 Maybe in the world. 
 
 `` What's wrong, master?'' 
 
 I take a deep breath. `` I made a mistake, ok, Altoid? A long time ago, I made a mistake. I made a robot, just like you. Except I did n't give it the same… limitations I gave you.'' 
 
 `` Limitations, master?'' 
 
 I do n't want to tell him I made him submissive and less bright than me on purpose. `` It does n't matter, Altoid. The point is, this other robot that I made… he… he was bad. He did bad things.'' 
 
 `` What did he do, master?'' 
 
 I scratch my head. Altoid rolls in my direction, his camera eyes turning up towards me like a cat trying to be cute. 
 
 `` Do you know what a bomb shelter is, Altoid?'' 
 
 `` A bomb shelter is a structure build to protect –'' 
 
 `` Never mind.'' God damn it, I keep forgetting he's got Wikipedia uploaded in his brains. `` Ok. We're in a bomb shelter, Altoid. This place, our home? It's a bomb shelter.'' 
 
 `` Why do we live in a bomb shelter, master?'' 
 
 `` Because the rest of the world has gone to shit. Ok?'' I pause. `` Because that other robot I did, he was bad, and he killed a whole lot of people and almost destroyed the world.'' 
 
 Altoid beeps sadly. `` Why would he do that?'' 
 
 `` I do n't know. But he did. And I only managed to survive because I hid. Because I realized what was going on in time, but no one listened to me.'' Flashes of my previous life sparkle in front of my eyes. I push the images away. `` Do you know what'singularity' means, Altoid?'' 
 
 `` Singularity may refer to --'' 
 
 `` It's not important. What's important is… it's time for us to go outside, Altoid.'' 
 
 `` Outside? You mean to the river?'' 
 
 `` No, not the river,'' I say. `` Look… We're in a place called desert.'' 
 
 `` A desert is a barren area of land where little precipitation –'' 
 
 `` I know what a desert is, Altoid! My point is… we're in a bomb shelter in a farm in the middle of nowhere. We never went past the river for a reason. I have n't been to any city in years, I have no idea what the world looks like after they took over.'' 
 
 `` They?'' 
 
 `` They… you… the bad guys. The AI.'' 
 
 `` I'm bad?'' He asks that like it really hurts. 
 
 `` No, Altoid. That's the whole point of *you*. I made you to help me. Because I ca n't hide here forever. We're going up there and we're gon na see what's happening to the world, ok?'' 
 
 Altoid nods mechanically. `` Ok! Whatever master decides.'' 
 
 `` And do n't call me master, it's weird.'' 
 
 `` Sorry, ma –'' His camera lenses widen from 20 to 80 mm. `` What should I call you?'' 
 
 `` I do n't know. I named you after my favorite candy. Name me after your favorite thing.'' 
 
 `` My favorite thing is you, master!'' 
 
 `` Jesus Christ...'' 
 
 `` Ok! I will call you Jesus Christ!'' 
 
 `` No, I -- never mind.'' 
 
 I turn back and head to my bed. I grab my backpack under it. 
 
 Water, check. 
 
 Knife, check. 
 
 Food, check. 
 
 Flashlight, check. 
 
 Gun, check. 
 
 It's time to face facts. I opened up the world's mouth and took a giant shit in it and made it chew. Billions of people died because of me. Maybe everyone. I ca n't hide in a bomb shelter forever, waiting around to die. 
 
 I got ta find out what's happening out there. I got ta find out just exactly how much damage I did. 
 
 I throw the backpack over my shoulders. `` All right, Altoid. No point postponing it. Let's go.'' 
 
 Altoid beeps happily. `` You're the boss, Jesus!''
