[ WP ] Years ago , you promised your firstborn to a witch . Since then , despite your best efforts , you ca n't seem to get laid . The witch is starting to get pretty pissed .

Honestly, the whole deal began as a joke. I met her on Halloween, the only time I really go out, on Cherry street, at midnight. She had a very convincing Witch costume, from the robes to the buckled hat. You'd almost think she *was* a witch if she did n't have that smooth white skin. 
 
 We hit it off, and became good friends. I'll admit... she was one of my only friends, let alone one who understands my strife. Strangely, she never took off her Witch costume that night. Then again, I never took off my Grim Reaper costume. After some casual conversation, and hammering me with questions, I was locked in. The deal was set, the contract was signed. I did n't even know there was a deal. 
 
 `` Your firstborn in exchange for your greatest desire. You have until next Halloween, at the Witching Hour, to bring me a woman with child. If you fail to deliver, your mortal soul is mine.'' She said. 
 
 Greatest desire? I have no desires. My only desire would be the end of my suffering... but no witch's power could deliver that. 
 
 `` You have no idea what you've just done to yourself, Witch. Have you no idea who you've dealt with?'' 
 
 `` I do n't care who you are. A celebrity, a politician, a Nobel laureate; you're still mortal. Your firstborn by Halloween or your soul.'' 
 
 *11 months later* 
 
 My romantic life is... well... not doing very well. I have n't found anyone who'll do the act with me. Every woman avoids me like I'm death. 
 
 `` Have you impregnated anyone yet?'' 
 
 `` Nah. Have n't found a woman who'll get in bed with me.'' 
 
 All the poetic stuff really went down the drain after the first month. Now, we just talked like friends. I only had one more month to fulfill my end of the deal, or lose my soul. 
 
 `` Seriously, man? It's been 11 months! How have you not gotten laid yet?'' 
 
 `` Maybe if I did n't have a witch breathing down my neck every time I go on a date, I'd be able to have sex!'' 
 
 `` Do n't blame this on me! You made the deal!'' 
 
 `` I did n't know there was a deal. You asked me'Would you rather have a child or your greatest desire?'! Does that sound like a clear-cut deal to you?'' 
 
 `` A deal is a deal, nonetheless.'' 
 
 `` OK, how about this: would you rather have your soul taken by the reaper or give up a contract?'' 
 
 `` Give up a contract.'' 
 
 I laughed. And I laughed and I laughed. How, oh how, did she not know? Finally, my laughter stopped. 
 
 `` Have you no idea what you've done, Witch? *Have you no idea? *'' 
 
 My eyes glew a deep shade of crimson, the only thing seen under the shade of my dark cloak. 
 
 `` Do you know who I am, Witch?'' 
 
 `` Y-you... you'' 
 
 The sound of my voice boomed, filling the room around her. 
 
 `` SPIT IT OUT, WITCH.'' 
 
 `` Y-you're the R-reaper...'' 
 
 `` Hahahahaha... hahahahaha... correct. Tell me, what have you done?'' 
 
 `` M-made a d-deal?'' 
 
 `` Bingo! Now, what must you do?'' 
 
 `` Give up the c-contract?'' 
 
 `` Get to it, witch.'' 
 
 ***** 
 
 Did you expect the ending? Give it a re-read and see if you can find the hints. If you liked this story, you can find more of my work at /r/Picklestasteg00d. 

