[ WP ] You walk up to the counter and order you favorite drink . You see out of the corner of your eye , as you finish the refreshing beverage , that everyone in the room is staring at you in bewilderment .

The half smirk on my face is n't even deliberate, it's just there because I'm the king. Like the S & P 500, my state of mind is at an all time high. The phrase `` I'm awesome, done'' keeps going through my head on repeat. My shirt is fucking unbuttoned all the way down, or maybe just halfway, but I'm way too cool to check. This bar is my bar, this night is my night, and I'm going to order my favorite drink. Then I'll take home the girl of my choice, we'll fool around all night long, and she'll make me eggs and bacon tomorrow morning while I admire my muscles in the bedroom mirror. 
 
 The bartender here knows me, loves me. `` Skip, I'll take the usual,'' I say, and the three cameramen around me rush to capture the scene from unique angles. The patrons of the Barrelhouse Flat must be stunned with genuine awe. Not wanting to come across as too haughty, I casually pull a toothpick out of my shirt pocket and hold it lightly between my lips while pretending to stretch. One of the guys who played James Bond, or maybe it's James Franco, is standing behind me, afraid to order his drink before I've gotten mine. 
 
 When Skippy returns with my order, I know my moment has arrived. With the Old Fashioned, the man's man's drink of the century, now in my perfectly manicured hand, I turn from the bar to survey the scene. Knowing there will be at least five furtive glances from lustful young women, I replace my half smirk with something serious and sexy. At one of the tables, a family is giving me a funny look. That's weird, I think. Then the Lincolnwood Senior Living Home comes into focus, and I recognize all the trappings of Easter Sunday lunch. I'm an 82 year old man, and my dementia has played me for a fool for the second time today.
