[ WP ] You were bitten by a zombie during the apocalypse , but instead of living your days as a mindless being , you are now a ghost , invisible to all except your reanimated corpse . You feel compelled to try and protect your body from all the stupid stuff it keeps trying to do .

`` Left. No, left. To the LEFT.'' 
 
 I got myself caught on a fence again. Fortunately, it was only waist-high. Unfortunately, it was also full of barbed wire. Which meant I was going to be here a while. 
 
 That bite took all control away from me; nowadays I feel like I'm driving a tank by giving directions with flags a mile away. All I can get myself to do is follow simple commands, and yet I still refuse to follow them like a proud two-year-old. 
 
 `` God, I am such a toddler,'' I groaned to my decaying body. Me, being the complete brain-dead man that I am, moaned something incoherent. Never knew I spoke two languages until I rediscovered myself. 
 
 It took me weeks to track myself down. Could n't even use Google, thanks apocalypse. I was so relieved to see my lovely face ( it was better back in my prime, trust me ), but now it's been almost two months. All I want is some better controls to keep my ass out of trouble and/or actual death. 
 
 It took until sunset to break free of the wired ground, which left me with about an hour until I could n't see anymore; shame my glasses did n't stay on my face when I got bit. 
 
 At the least I was able to think; I let myself wander in the bushes and trip over my own feet while I sat around and thought about my next move. I'd already fled the city, and I'd already found a way to never need to find food again. I could n't really place what was next on my bucket list for the afterlife. 
 
 I really hope I'm not stuck wandering with my idiocy.
