[ WP ] The day after a suicide attempt

I began to hear an assortment of sound. I heard the familiar beep of a heart rate monitor, heard a hiss as I felt air rush in, then out of my lungs. I did n't want to open my eyes. I just sort of laid there; I knew the routine too well. If I gave away the slightest hint that I was awake. The nurse would come in and check on me. I didn ’ t want to deal with people yet. I laid there thinking, wondering how I ended up here. Last night, I drove home after finishing my 24 hour shift at the fire station. It had been a rough day and I was ready to go home and get some rest. At my station, we started our shift at midnight and ended at midnight the next day. After that, we had 48 hours before our next shift. 
 
 As a Paramedic, I've seen a lot of shit in the past 15 years, I've seen children whose bodies were all black and blue from abuse. I've seen nightmarish accidents from drunk drivers. I've delivered 2 stillborns and still remember the looks on the people's faces as I tried to explain why the baby was n't crying. I've seen countless suicide attempts. I remember this older lady, around 80 or 81 who had tried to overdose on painkillers because her husband of 50 years had died of a heart attack a week before. My wife Jessica would always try to talk about how my day had been but I would always avoid the subject. After 24 hours of hell, I just wanted to get some sleep. 
 
 I felt strangely happy for such a hard day. Today was going to be my 12 year Wedding anniversary. I had planned a surprise for her. We would be dining at this fancy restaurant in the city that she had been begging me to take her to for ages. I had hired a babysitter and everything so that Jess and I could spend the night together. 
 
 My house was usually about an hour drive from work. But last night, I made it home in about 45 minutes give or take. When I got to the house, there was a car parked in the driveway that I did n't recognize. but Jess' car would be in the shop for another few weeks so I thought it must've been a rental. It was a beautiful black Mercedes Benz with leather interior and I thought, we can take this rental for our anniversary dinner tomorrow instead of my'05 Toyota Corolla. 
 
 I opened the door and headed inside. As I walked towards our bedroom I heard a man's voice say `` Have you told him you're leaving?'' My heart sank. I stood there frozen in the hallway. `` I told you Luke, I'll leave him once I find a way to tell him that Johny is n't his son.'' Jessica's words crushed me. I burst through the door and I saw them laying there. He quickly moved his arm away from her, but the damage was done. I took off my wedding ring as she began to cry and make up an explanation. I tuned her out, all I really heard was `` This was n't the way I wanted you to find out.'' I threw the ring onto the bed, and looked straight at the man who was trying to get dressed on the other side of the bed `` Do n't worry'' I said, `` I'll leave.'' I headed out the door and saw Johny standing in his doorway, I guess the ruckus must have woken him. I could n't bear to say anything to him. I could only mouth the word goodbye. 
 
 I headed out the door and got back into the car. I raced out of there. I've never been an aggressive man. Nor do I have a particularly short temper. But seeing that. It awoke a primal instinct in me. I do n't know if you've ever heard the term `` suicidal hate'' I finally understand it. Being so ticked off that you do n't explode in anger towards others. You take it out on yourself. I was in tears by the time I left the neighborhood and my driving must've been pretty bad since a cop began to tail me for a bit. Then made a turn onto a side street to continue their patrol. I drove south, away from my home and towards the countryside. That's when I stopped the car. I placed the stick in park. and looked east towards the farm land. I knew a train would be coming soon. I decided this would be best for everyone. That's when I began to hear the train... 
 
 Then it all went black.. 
 
 I felt someone grab my wrist so I opened my eyes and there was a pretty redheaded nurse taking my pulse. She smiled. `` Good afternoon sleepy head'', she said in a sweet caring tone. She was a pretty young thing. Could n't have been older than 22. A doctor walked into the room and looked at my chart. He looked me over and then back to his chart. `` You're very lucky to be alive.'' He said from behind his clipboard. `` Lucky?'' I said. He began to fill in the blanks of last night. Apparently a firetruck was headed out towards the farmland because someone had put in a call about a suspicious person near the railroad tracks. The firetruck arrived just in time to ram me out off the tracks into a cornfield. My eyes widened The farmland was part of the fire district, the truck was from my station. `` What about the firemen?!?'' I burst out. They're all fine, They're actually outside if you'd like to talk to them, it says in your chart that you work for the Fire Department. I nodded yes, the doctor walked out the door and in came a dozen or so of my coworkers. `` Make way you guys'' said the Fire Lieutenant. He was in his late 40s, he was a bit overweight and had the best moustache I had ever seen. He asked them to step out as he wanted a word with me. We spoke for what felt like ages. He told me that he too had gone through a suicide attempt and that it gets better. I smiled, tears in my eyes, I smiled. As far as my job, he offered me a paid vacation while I got my head on straight, starting as soon as I got out of the hospital. After an hour or two, he told me he had to leave, I felt a bit saddened by this. but I understood. He stopped in the doorway, turned to me and said. `` Your job is to save lives, and to aide those in need. We live in a messed up world, and theres plenty of people out there that still need our help. Your job is n't done yet, you ca n't clock out till your shift is over friend.'' I began to cry as he bid me farewell.. I know now that I have n't finished my shift on this earth yet, and that it's not up to me to go home early.. The Doctor says I should be discharged in a few weeks, I got that vacation to look forward to now. 

