[ WP ] I died today . This is how .

`` Well, it all started when I woke up. I fell off my bed and landed on my neck.'' 
 
 `` Wow, that was a short-'' 
 
 `` But luckily my shoulder caught against the nightstand so I ended up with nothing worse than a few bruises. Then on my way to work, from out of nowhere a car ran right into-'' 
 
 `` No shame in that, auto accidents are a pretty common way to go'' 
 
 `` A news stand next to me. Newspapers exploded everywhere but nobody was seriously hurt. I noticed on the front page that there was some crime going down that people were investigating.'' 
 
 `` Can you keep moving forward with your story or step aside? This line is n't getting any shorter, you know.'' 
 
 `` Anyway, I got to work and ordered a coffee, but then it spilled all over me!'' 
 
 `` You died from spilled coffee?'' 
 
 `` No, but then while I was in the bathroom the building collapsed.'' 
 
 `` And how does that qualify you to get into heaven?'' 
 
 `` Is this heaven? I did n't think heaven had lines'' 
 
 `` We're short handed with all the disasters lately. So why should I let you in?'' 
 
 `` You probably should n't. I'm not especially helpful.'' 
 
 `` There's the kind of humility we're looking for, not to mention all the positive reports from family and people you've met, so go on in. NEXT!''
