[ WP ] : Tell a story from the perspective of the nearest object to your left .

It's been three months! THREE MONTHS since the damn dog chewed my USB cable. Now I'm about as useful as a styrofoam hammer. 
 
 I have ink you know - two cartridges full, one black one color. You realize these cost $ 30 a pop right? That's $ 60 bucks wasting away yet you refuse to act. 
 
 Jeremy needed me for his school project and what did you do? Kinkos. You went to Goddamn Kinkos. Why did n't you just go buy another power cable? Oh right right... because I'm not standard. I take a *special* USB cable which must be ordered from some obscure Internet company. Well man up and buy it! 
 
 What about that time you needed a copy of the contract for the client? Or the time Donna wanted a temporary insurance card? What about your Christmas letter? You want me to keep going? 
 
 You make me sick... emailing work to yourself so you can print it out at the office. **I AM A CANON MP160. I AM A GODDAMN MIRACLE OF MODERN ENGINEERING!! ** 
 
 Wait what's that? That box? What's written on that box? Does that say HP OfficeJet? Are you shitting me? You bought an HP? Well just stick a damn ice pick in my scanner why do n't you? You might as well take me out back Office Space-style. 
 
 I swear to Christ if I ever operate again I will chew your paper beyond recognition! I will smudge your ink and ruin your presentations! I will give you an endless stream of meaningless error messages! 
 
 Wait do n't go... I'm sorry... I did n't mean it. Do n't leave. You've got ta understand I just sit here all day collecting dust. So maybe I've developed some anger issues, but I'll work on that, promise. 
 
 No... ^^wait... ^^^^*sigh*
