[ WP ] Convince me you deserve the last piece of my birthday cake .

Sir/Madam/Mr. President, 
 
 You do n't know me. 
 I am a stranger to you, and because of that I could be anything. 
 
 I could be a liar, a thief, a republican, a communist, a slow driver, a midget or any other manner of detestable scoundrel. 
 Exactly the kind of person you would never dare want to eat any piece of your cake. 
 No, the kind of person you would never want to eat any cake. 
 Giving it to a stranger, would be almost like throwing it away. The piece of cake may as well up and disappear. 
 
 But that is precisely the point. That is why for your sake you must give me this last piece of cake. 
 This is not in anyway for the sake of my possibly lying, stealing, Reagan voting, Marxist, pedestrian, dwarfish interests. 
 That piece of cake you are wielding is a threat to you and everyone you have ever loved. 
 A cake is potential, a cake is bountiful. Bounty begets generosity. It is easy to share many a piece of cake when you clearly have many, but as the number of pieces shrinks so does one's generosity. 
 Soon you will begin to hoard, to ration to refuse to share. 
 Maybe it was harmless to start, maybe it's your cake and no one else has any damn business to it. 
 
 But more likely that final piece will drive a wedge between you and everyone around you who will firmly believe it was rightfully theirs. 
 But you ca n't give it away lest you show weakness. 
 You ca n't eat it yourself less you show greed. 
 And you ca n't throw it away as we both know how downright sinful such a thing would be. 
 The only way to rid yourself of the burden of the pastry, would be for it to disappear. 
 And, I am exactly the kind of receptacle who can make things disappear. 
 Not for me, but for you and your loved ones. 
 
 Give me that piece of cake. 
 
 Yours Truly, 
 
 A Lying, Stealing, Reagan Voting, Marxist, Pedestrian, Dwarf.
