[ WP ] Food Court is an actual court with judge and jury

The sweat that was stuck in my eyebrow begins to drizzle down my pale freckled cheek. I begin to think the worse, what if the potatoes are under cooked? What if the cheese isn ’ t melted? My brain begin to race but I can ’ t show it to the jury. I swipe at the sweat and pad my brow with a napkin. 
 
 “ The Prosecution calls Andy Sherman to the stand. ” 
 
 A slight murmur can be heard echoing through the dinning hall. The judge unimpressed raises her gavel and slams it down with authority. Even behind the flattering court dress fat ripples its way through her arm and stops short at her wrist. Another slam of the gavel and the bailiff wakes from his cat nap, a slight jiggle of his double chin and a deliberate swipe of the slobber hanging out on his lower lip. 
 
 Andy entered the food court and began to take exasperated steps towards the stand. One step…two step…three steps. 
 
 “ Andy Sherman calls for assistance. ” He says in the third person. 
 
 This plays right into the jury ’ s heart, whispers can be heard “ what a brave soul ” and “ I have never seen someone take 3 steps before. ” Juror number 7 clutches his heart, could it be a heart attack? Whatever it was he fought it off, he will not miss this testimony. A chairlift designed to carry the elderly is lowered from the stairs and it meets Andy in the aisle. With a heavy groan and sigh Andy grabs his stomach and lifts it over the chair arm and plops into his seat. The tremendous stress the chair is enduring can be heard throughout the hall, it begins to move back towards the stand. It reaches the first step now the real test. First it lets out a putt and chair starts is accent now at a 15 degree angle and rising the chair seems to be losing grip. It starts to smoke right underneath the seat a loud snap and juts forward over the step and reverses direction so Andy is facing the court. 
 A sigh of relief can be heard amongst the court. 
 
 “ Bailiff will you swear in the witness? ” the judge exhales. 
 
 Nothing 
 
 “ Bailiff? ” the Judge asks a little bit louder. 
 
 The bailiff without even standing turns his head towards the witness and asks 
 
 “ Will you tell the truth or hope to die? ” 
 
 “ I Do. ” Says the exhausted witness. 
 
 The Prosecution begins the questioning. 
 
 “ You ate the meal prepared by the defendant? ” 
 
 “ Ya ” 
 
 “ Was the meal up to your normal standard? ” 
 
 “ No ” 
 
 “ And why was this meal against your normal standard? ” 
 
 “ The menu claimed he offered cheeseburgers, but the beef he used was 95 % lean and the cheese was feta! ” 
 
 “ Unbelievable! ” juror 7 shouts at the top of his lungs. And then slouches back into his chair seeming to fall back asleep. 
 
 “ The Prosecution rest its case. ” 
 
 The judge lost in thoughts of cheeseburgers and fries hesitates for a moment, then suddenly snaps back to the court. “ Is there anything you ’ d like to add. ” 
 
 I readied myself I had prepared all night for final words, I worked so hard on them it was going to blow them away, but alas it was lost the court seems to have stifled my memory. I let loose on a limb “ No that ’ s exactly what I made. ” 
 That was stupid I just admitted to it. The jury will never proclaim me innocent now. I peered over at the 10k pound jury hoping no one was disgusted with me. My statement didn ’ t matter they were already asleep dreaming of the next meal. I now looked over at the judge who was studying the paper in front of her. 
 
 “ The jury has spoken. ” The judge reads “ It is determined that no hamburger can have less than 60 % lean and no less than 3 slices of cheddar in order to qualify as a cheeseburger. You are sentenced to life at the free sample Chinese stand. ” 
 The judge slams her final gavel into the table. 

