[ WP ] Every sentient species in the universe receives a Jesus figure from God . It turns out humanity was the only species to torture and crucify him . You 're an ambassador priest informing the Inter-Galactic Holy Church what your species did .

`` CALL OFF YOUR SHIPS!'' the human ambassador yelled through the translation device, at the increasingly flustered Trasnolian, whose flaps sputtered in response. It leaned in and groaned into the device. 
 
 `` We'd be happy to call off our ships, but first you have to take our *other* ambassador off that cross,'' the Trasnolian explained. 
 
 `` Do n't you tell ME what to do!'' the human barked. `` He comes onto our planet, says we were wrong for crucifying Jesus! WE KNOW! WE KNOW IT WAS A BAD MOVE! We do n't need some pretentious alien coming here and-'' 
 
 `` Okay, okay,'' the Trasnolian vibrated. `` If you could please find it in your kidney to try to relax and speak in a calmer tone...'' 
 
 `` I know... you're right,'' the human deflated. `` It's just... there was so much pressure, you know... *not* to crucify him. I mean, we were trying really hard. We have n't crucified anyone in thousands of years, *honest! *'' 
 
 `` It's okay, I totally believe you,'' the Trasnolian replied, wondering in his head how many crucifixions the humans had committed in the last year. `` Just take the nails out of his tendrils, and let him go.'' 
 
 `` Oh, you want... you want us to just... just *let* him go?'' the human asked nervously. The Trasnolian motioned human nod as best as he could. He could see the gears turning in the human's head, trying to figure out how to get out of this situation, even though the solution was obvious and had been directly presented to him. `` Well, here's the thing,'' the human started. 
 
 Immediately, the Trasnolian released a depressed sigh from his flaps and crossed his tendrils, waiting for the human's ridiculous explanation. 
 
 `` I mean, if I let him go,'' the human started. `` Then, well- the Muslims will be really upset at the Christians for setting this whole thing up in the first place, and the Jews will be really upset at both the Muslims *and* the Christians because they told them that it was n't going to be on them this time, and the atheists, well, I mean, they're already rioting in the streets given the whole'Jesus was real' thing, so... uh...'' 
 
 The Trasnolian lamented the loss of his colleague, and tried to feel remorse for the billions of human beings that were being exterminated, as he ran his body through the exo-shower, but he just could n't find that part that was supposed to feel pity this time. 
 
 *I mean, for fuck's sake, they crucified JESUS! * he thought, and dismissed it without a second thought, taking to the lover's pile for his nightly intercourse.
