[ WP ] Entry into Heaven is n't based on good deeds , but your answer to a queston : `` Why ? `` .

I was pissed. I did n't even have time to come up with cool last words, I just did the ol' choke and croak because a crouton got stuck in my windpipe. Oh well, that's just the crouton crumbles ( or does n't ). 
 
 It did n't matter. A bright light filled my field of view and the choking sensation felt like it was floating out of me. `` SHIT! I'M DYING!'' I screamed, but I think I was already gone at that point. Figures. 
 
 When the lights faded, leaving me with a splitting headache I might add, I found myself at the foot of a smiley, robed lumberjack holding a giant key, standing on a cloud. He smiled when he saw me and held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. 
 
 `` I'm dead, are n't I?'' I said. 
 
 `` Yes you are, Richard. I'm Pete.'' 
 
 `` Why does my head hurt if I'm dead? 
 
 `` You're imagining things. Anyway, you've got one more trial to pass before you get to Heaven.'' 
 
 `` I choked on a fucking crouton! Is n't that trying enough?'' 
 
 `` That's irrelevant. Here in Heaven, we try to give everybody the same chances. Entry to Heaven used to be based on one's resume of good and evil deeds, but the Board of Archangels and the Superintendent decided that was unfair because some people have more chances to do good than others. So,'' he clapped his hands excitedly, `` We came up with something a little more fair! A test! All you have to do is answer a question! Simple, fair, and efficient! We call it the No Soul Left Behind Program.'' 
 
 `` A test?'' I groaned. `` Let's just get it over with.'' 
 
 `` Why?'' chimed Pete, his manic smile consuming his face like a parasite. 
 
 `` Uh, because I just want to get in already.'' 
 
 `` No, no,'' said Pete, `` That's the test. You just have to answer the question'why?''' 
 
 `` Why what?'' I huffed. I did n't die just to deal with more idiocy. 
 
 `` Just...'why?''' said Pete, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. 
 
 `` Okay then, fine, gim me a minute.'' I paused and thought. And thought some more. I do n't know how long I was thinking, but eventually I spoke up `` Because no matter how you die, whether it's in a battlefield or at the dining table, you were a living, human being that counted and your death does n't invalidate that.'' 
 
 `` WRONG!'' Pete chirped. He gave a thumbs down and like that, I fell through the clouds. 
 
 `` WHAT WAS THE ANSWER?'' I called as I fell further and further, and the temperature rose and rose. 
 
 `` To get into Heaven, of course!'' shouted Pete. His voice was the last thing I heard before I landed face first into a lake of fire.
