[ WP ] `` I 'm your God now . ''

`` No, sir,'' Mark stated with a sigh, `` you are not.'' 
 
 `` Blasphemy!'' Johnson slammed a fist onto his desk. `` I am your new God, and as such, you will give me due homage!'' 
 
 Mark sighed again. *It's only Tuesday, why do we have to be going through this right now? * `` Sir, I can most definitely assure you that you are *not* any type of god.'' 
 
 `` Blasphemy!'' Johnson roared. `` I was given all power over you, mere mortal peon! I can give you wealth, or take your life as I see fit!'' 
 
 *Does this count as harassment? Well, let's start with the reasonable approach. * `` While I wo n't try to argue the point of you giving me wealth, sir, I should note that it's more your obligation to pay me, as I am working for you. However, I'm relatively certain that if you were to kill me, you would get into quite a lot of trouble.'' 
 
 `` Lies! I should smite you with a bolt of lightning where you stand!'' 
 
 `` Please put the taser back into your desk, sir.'' 
 
 With a slam, and a glare that promised retaliation on any who dared admit to having seen what just happened, Johnson did so. `` I ca n't have my High Priest openly questioning my godhood, you know!'' 
 
 `` Secretary, sir, and general aide in general.'' Mark paused for a second. *Well, * he shrugged mentally, *that* is *what it says on my business card. Though I should n't have let him design them for me. * `` And I'm not questioning it, I'm openly refuting it.'' 
 
 `` Blasphemy!'' Johnson screamed again. 
 
 `` Actually, I've given it a bit of thought, sir, and I'm rather certain that it would be heresy, actually. Heresy being a different, supposedly false teaching, after all.'' 
 
 `` So you admit to being a heretic, then? I can have you burned at the stake for that, you know!'' 
 
 Mark stroked his chin thoughtfully. `` On second thought, it may not be. Heresy is generally an internal matter, after all. False prophets are heretics, whereas someone who has direct claims or accusations against a god would be a blasphemer, I suppose.'' He tilted his head as he stared thoughtfully into space. `` Though is n't it also blasphemy to falsely declare yourself to be God?'' 
 
 Johnson shot out of his chair, shouting, `` It is no such thing! And I will prove it with a miracle! Behold as I summon my most loyal servant!'' 
 
 Mark's phone began buzzing. He ignored it. `` Sir, you simply used your speed dial to call me. That's not a miracle, it's technology.'' 
 
 Sullenly, Johnson tossed his phone onto his desk. `` Then behold as I make my voice **fill the air like thunder! **'' 
 
 Mark reached across the desk and smacked Johnson's hand away from the PA button. `` Sir, we've discussed what the PA may and may not be used for. You remember the last point?'I may not-' say it with me, sir.'I may not use...''' 
 
 `` I may not use the PA to gvvflsnsrmrgls,'' Johnson muttered. 
 
 `` What was that? Speak clearly.'' 
 
 `` I MAY NOT USE THE PA TO GIVE FALSE SIGNS OR MIRACLES.'' Johnson yelled, fists balled, eyes shut. 
 
 `` Very good, sir. Now,'' Mark clapped his hands and stepped back. `` If we're almost done with this, you have a meeting with company shareholders in about five minutes. I've prepared notes for you, and everything should be in order. So if you'll come along, sir...?'' 
 
 Johnson started for the door, shuffling his feet morosely. `` I still wan na burn you at the stake, you know,'' he grumbled. 
 
 `` Well, I *am* having a barbecue this weekend, and you know how my wife loves when you and your wife visit, sir.'' 
 
 Johnson perked up a bit at that. 
 
 `` And yes, I'll have the special sauce available.'' 
 
 Johnson openly smiled at that. `` This is pleasing to me, young man!'' A beam of light shot through the window and outlined his smiling face. `` A fitting offering for me!'' 
 
 Mark sighed and shook his head as his boss left his office ahead of him. *Of all the... it's cloudy, how did he...? * Mark paused, thought for a minute, then walked out of the room as well. `` And sir, do I need to write up rules for the company spotlights, as well?''
