[ WP ] A multitude of Alien ships warp within range of Earth . Over all electronic devices the message is heard , `` Earth , we come in peace . In all the universe only one other Species has mastered Death and Destruction as you have . We need your help . ''

`` You mean... we're actually more advanced than you? How is that possible? You came all the way here from... where, again?'' President Clarke asked. 
 
 `` Ah, ha ha. No, not more *advanced*, per se,'' Admiral OJ Simpson responded with an uncomfortable chuckle and shifted in his seat. `` Just better at... what was that phrase, again?'' he asked his second-in-command, Admiral Stalin. 
 
 `` Fucking shit up, sir?'' 
 
 `` Fucking shit up. That's the one. Our technology is eons more advanced than yours, but you're better at fucking shit up. Every time our ancestors made a breakthrough in any field of learning, they immediately banded together to think of the most widely beneficial use for the new technology. Every time *your* ancestors made a breakthrough in any field, their first thought seems to have been directed towards using it to fuck shit up. That's why we've come to you.'' 
 
 Clarke still did n't quite catch on. `` You want us to... what? Sorry.'' 
 
 `` We want you to tell us how to use what we already have to fuck shit up.'' 
 
 `` Ah, ok. Well, we'll do what we can,'' answered the President, speaking on behalf of a large gathering of Earth's political leaders, scientists, and military geniuses. 
 
 `` Yeah. That brings me to my next point: we appreciate your bringing your scientists in here, but what we'd really like would be for you to bring in those... those guys. Ah, shoot. Stalin, those guys? Who were they again?'' 
 
 `` 7-year-old boys, sir.'' 
 
 `` Right, yes.'' 
 
 `` Also Michael Bay.'' 
 
 `` *Yes*! One of the few adults who has retained the incredible power of the 7-year-old boy: to instantly weaponise every object he sees with the sheer force of imagination. Please bring in several 7-year-old boys, and also Michael Bay.'' 
 
 *** 
 
 In a few hours' time, the room now contained several 7-year-old boys, and also Michael Bay. At Admiral OJ Simpson's request, the centre of the room had been occupied by a large table containing everyday objects that the 7-year-old boys, and also Michael Bay, could use to stimulate their creativity. With everyone settled in, their work began. 
 
 `` Do you know how to split adams?'' Jakob asked. 
 
 `` Yes,'' a Garion scientist replied. 
 
 `` Sweeeeet,'' said Jakob. 
 
 `` Sweeeet,'' said the 7-year-old boys, and also Michael Bay. 
 
 `` Why do you ask?'' inquired the Garion scientist. 
 
 `` Well to make a thermonukular bomb you have to split adams. Then the adams split and there's like this super energy that comes out like *bloah* and *psssssshht* and *whrkkkkkkkkkkt* and *dujje dujje dujje*,'' Jakob explained, using a Barbie Dream Car and a plastic frying pan to illustrate. 
 
 `` A thermonukular bomb, you say? How does such a thing work?'' 
 
 `` Well,'' piped in one of the human scientists, `` for starters, it's actually pronounced *nu-cle-ar*.'' 
 
 `` Whatever, egghead. We can figure out the science stuff, thanks. I asked how it *works*. How do we use a bomb?'' 
 
 `` It's totally awesome!!'' Oliver cried, leaping out of his chair. `` You have to put it on a rocket, right? And like the rocket has like this flames out the back like *hhhhhhhkkkkkkKKKKKKKKKK* **KKKKKKKKK** ***PPPPPPKKKKKKKKT***! And the rocket goes like right to the bad guys' ship or whatever, and the ship is like --'' 
 
 `` AND THE SHIP IS LIKE ***BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWMMMMMM!!!!!!! ***'' shouted Michael Bay, crashing his hands together with such force that than oak branch and harmonica he'd been holding were utterly obliterated. `` It's totally fucking awesome!!!!!'' 
 
 The room fell silent as the 7-year-old boys, and also Michael Bay, recognised the gravity of the terrible cuss that Michael Bay had just said. However, the 7-year-old boys, and also Michael Bay, quickly realised that nobody's moms were around, and so they were n't gon na get grounded. 
 
 `` Fart!'' yelled Aiden, breaking the silence with at least 8 minutes of uncontrollable laughter from the 7-year-old boys, and also Michael Bay. 
 
 When the laughter died down, Admiral Pol Pot asked the question that he and the Garion staff felt may hold the answer to their future and the survival of their species: 
 
 `` How do we make a rocket?'' 
 
 Samuel really liked rockets and even made one with his dad last summer, so everyone felt that he would be the most qualified to explain. 
 
 `` You guys have ships, right?'' 
 
 `` Yes, we do.'' 
 
 `` Fast ones?'' 
 
 `` Yes, Samuel.'' 
 
 `` How fast? Faster than a Lamborghini?'' 
 
 `` Yes. Much faster.'' 
 
 `` Sweet,'' said Michael Bay. 
 
 `` Sweeeeeet,'' said the 7-year-old boys. 
 
 `` Ok, then,'' said Samuel, with a very serious look. `` Alls you do is, like you put a nuclear bomb *in* a ship, and then fly it real fast into the bad guy ship, and make it so it blows up when it gets there. But do n't have anyone fly the ship. The ship should be like remote-controlled. Then you just blow the bad guys up.'' 
 
 By way of demonstration, Samuel proceeded to smash a violin on the edge of the table. 
 
 The Garion delegation sat back for a few moments in stunned silence. 
 
 `` It's so simple,'' said Admiral OJ Simpson. `` It's so *simple*. Thank you, boys. Thank you, Michael Bay! We are going to make a thermonukular bomb and we are going to *fuck those aliens' shit up!! *'' 
 
 `` Fart,'' said Aiden.
