[ WP ] The entire world loses all its WiFi , except for one place . Your body is the only WiFi hot-spot on the planet .

I woke up to exaggerated moaning and looked over to see my roommate crouched down by my bed, his face illuminated by his laptop. 
 
 `` Are you jerking it?'' I said 
 
 `` No'' he said after a pause that meant he was. 
 
 `` The signal reaches your bed'' 
 
 `` It even works out in the hall'' said someone from the hall 
 
 `` Yeah I have a full signal out here'' said someone else 
 
 `` I only have a half signal'' said a third person 
 
 `` Ok but I'm already kind of doing my thing here sooooo….'' said my roommate 
 
 I sighed and rolled over. 
 
 … 
 
 In class the teacher drones as various joints jab into my body. No matter how often I tell them, people never seem to realize how far the signal reaches. 
 
 Not that I should complain. The school pays me to take certain classes. Not a lot of money, definitely way less than setting up a shit ton of ethernet cables, but still, money. 
 
 `` Ah man the signals out'' this happens sometimes, I have no control over it. They do n't know this and they seem unwilling to learn. 
 
 `` Just give it a second'' I said 
 
 `` Remember when you could just turn things on and off again?'' said someone behind me 
 
 `` Well we could still technically do that'' 
 
 `` How so?'' 
 
 `` Well we could just knock him out'' 
 
 `` Please do n't'' I said as a heavy textbook crashed into the back of my head and everything went dark. 
 
 Water splashed against my face and I sat up breathing heavily. I was on the floor at the front of the class. Everyone was looking at me. 
 
 `` Signals back up'' 
 
 I sighed and lay back down again. 
 
 … 
 
 I was walking towards the campus clinic when a van screeched to a stop in front of me. The panel door slid open and a guy in a mask aimed a shotgun at me. 
 
 `` I actually just look like the wifi guy'' I said before he fired. 
 
 A beanbag round hit me in the head, knocking me to the ground. 
 
 `` You're not supposed to shoot him in the head, it might fuck up the wifi'' said the driver 
 
 `` Right'' said the gunman. He got out of the van and walked over to me, aiming the shotgun at me. 
 
 `` Just give it a second…'' I said before he fired a bean bag round into my gut and I passed out. 
 
 … 
 
 I woke up in a cheap motel room. I sat up rubbing my head and looked around. Someone was sitting at the desk on a computer. 
 
 `` Sorry about that'' 
 
 `` Where am I'' 
 
 `` Probably best you do n't know. And done'' 
 
 `` Great'' said the gunman rising from the corner with the shotgun. 
 
 `` Is that really necessary'' I said as he fired it at my head knocking me off the bed 
 
 `` Was that necessary?'' said the computer guy 
 
 `` Now that I think about it probably not'' 
 
 … 
 
 The panel door slides open and they toss me out onto the sidewalk in front of my dorm room. 
 
 `` Your government thanks you'' said the gunman 
 
 `` We'll be in touch'' said the driver 
 
 `` No that's ok'' I mumble into the sidewalk as they peel off. 
 
 I lay there for a minute then forced myself up and went back to my room and fell face down on the bed. 
 
 There was a knock on the door. 
 
 `` What'' I said. 
 
 `` I saw you were tossed out of a van. Did the government take your wifi away?'' 
 
 `` No'' 
 
 `` Awesome'' 
 
 Across the room I heard my roommate open his computer.
