[ WP ] A young man 's sexual expierance is ruined by the play-by-play commentary of Al Michaels and John Madden .

This WP made me Laugh so I will try and do it some small measure of justice. 
 
 “ Aaannnddd here we go! ” Al stated with excitement. “ All the important members of the Class of 2015 are here we are looking forward to some excitement and quite a few surprises up here in the booth. The kegs are cold and the host seems to have the plastic cups and snacks well in hand. ” 
 
 “ Well, I got ta tell you. I have seen my fair share of parties, heh. But this one looks like it is going down in the books! ” Madden exclaimed while grabbing the stylus. “ If you look here around this table you can see he has nachos, pretzels, Chex mix, and Hey! Look at that! He even got those little tiny sausage weeny things! This is one helluva set up. I am looking forward to this Al. ” 
 
 “ As you can see this party is filling up nicely for this evening ’ s event. There is a solid mix of young available ladies and a good mix of douche bags and potential virgin ’ s looking to score big tonight. But I have to say. All the excitement this week as been on young Jerry “ Two Time ” Mackenzie. His text game and Skype chats have been quite impressive as of late. ” 
 
 “ You know… You just have to have a good text game these days or you will never even get close to the Skype or Kik area of the field. You really have to go hard on the emoji ’ s too if you want to score in this league. Heh ” Madden said. 
 
 “ You know John, in addition to Two Time Mackenzie, there has been quiet rumors about a potential upset from this new kid from New Mexico, Juan “ Don ’ t call me Juan ” Gonzales. He has been bringing a strong latin flavor to the quad since February and I believe he is already 1-1 this season. ” Al added. 
 
 “ I can appreciate the Latin offense Al. They come wild with words you barely understand but with the added eyebrow raises and the thick teen mustaches. You have a serious offense to contend with there and if these young douche bags and virgins aren ’ t careful they may wind up running up and down their own field ya know!. Heh. ” Madden chuckled. 
 
 “ What is this!? We just got word up in the booth here that the Colby High School leading scorer has just returned early for his summer visitation with his father a whole week early! If this is true John we really have a tough call tonight. We all watched last year at the masterful performance of Gary “ Side Show ” Caprese put on. Combining text, email, video chat and actual personal conversation to dominate the Colby High School trim game. ” Al remarked with enthusiasm. 
 
 “ I keep telling all these young players. You have to keep up with actual face to face skills! You have to get on down there in the dirt and mud and go up and actual talk to a girl if you want to get that extra advantage! If you are out to pillage some nana in this league you have to be willing to fail on a couple wildabeasts. That ’ s what I say anyways. ” John stated. “ Hey! Look over there Al is that guy burning all those delicious burgers and hot dogs? What a tragedy! I could have easily put down a dozen or so of those tasty brauts. ” 
 
 “ It does appear that way John. Although we are here to witness this years ’ summer final. I am sure those would have been delicious but… Oh My! Look who just walked in John. Meghan “ Got Dam ” Jones is here! This is really shaping up to be spectacular event this year. If you add in Kennedy “ Finger Cuff ” Johnson, Heather “ Brooke ” Rawlings, and the ever so memorable Paige “ Deuce and a Quarter ” Dugan, you can see this has all the makings of a championship match right here. The stage is set here folks. We are all ready and primed to see this spectacular display of failures and hopefully masterful examples of game being laid down. Who will take this year ’ s crown? Will it be the upstart Jerry? Could the mysterious latin lover pull it out or is it the defending champion ’ s time to repeat? We will be back after these scheduled messages. ” Al finished as the broadcast cut to commercial. “ Really John? We are here to provide play by play on a young man ’ s attempt to get poon and you keep bringing up food? ” 
 
 Nomnomnom. “ Sorry Al ” Madden replied pulling two chicken wings from his mouth. “ You know I get hungry looking at all that food. ” 
 
 “ Aaaand we are back! ” Al said with a crescendo. “ And none too soon I might add John. Things have really been heating up around the spa, the fire pit and the beer pong table. We can see Jerry “ Two Time ” really making progress with an unnamed free agent out of the Junior class in the spa. While Juan “ Don ’ t Call me Juan ” has Paige “ Duece and Quarter ” firmly riveted by his mariachi style singing around the fire pit. Oh! Look at that John! Gary “ Side Show ” Caprese is dominating all opponents on the beer pong front. You can see the amazement of “ Finger Cuff ” and “ Brooke ” from here. Side Show is definitely looking like the favorite at this point. ” 
 
 “ Well, look here though Al. ” Madden exclaimed picking up the stylus once more. “ You can actually see where Gary is putting a little spin on the ping pong ball at the end there and it may be giving him some success now. It will cost him later though. If you look at this cup here, and this one over here, you can see where his throws will miss in the end. Trust me when I tell you this young man is in for some disappointment. Heh. Nothing worse than losing a game a beer pong with two young tenders ready to serve it up on their own. Heh ” 
 
 “ Would you look at that John! Juan “ Don ’ t Call me Juan ” just lit up a joint of Mexican Bammer weed! He is clearly trying to push his latin offense to new heights! But will “ Duece and Quarter ” fall for the feint? Can she be misdirected with his eyebrow waggling and speedy talk to hit that J? Wow. This is really heating up. Let ’ s check in on the sidelines now with Tony at the spa. Tony? ” 
 
 “ Hey Al and John. Goose here checking in from the sidelines at the spa. Jerry “ Two Time ” is making steady progress with the yet unnamed junior classman. But our sources here have been able to positively identify her as none other than Julia “ Keep it on the Low ” Caprese! Can you believe it? Apparently she decided to stay with her father in the divorce while Gary “ Side Show ” chose to go with their mom. This whole time she was been Keeping it on the Low! Get it? Huh? Low? Huh. But this is an amazing turn around for young Jerry “ Two Time ” if he can pull it off. Back to you Al. HEY! NERD! Yah you bring me some more Chex Mix!. ” 
 
 “ Did he say Chex Mix? Do we have any of that up here Al? ” Madden asked. 
 
 “ No John sorry it is all gone. The Chex Mix from the party was already eaten up here. ” Al stated with severe sarcasm. “ Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Can you believe it! Gary “ Side Show ” has just knocked over the beer pong table and spilled the remaining contents all over the girls admiring his performance! What a turn of events this is! ” 
 
 **Argh too long!! Part 1**
