[ WP ] You reject someone by saying `` I 'll go on a date with you the day hell freezes over . '' The next day , Satan appears in your room , shivering , and covered in snow .

“ Santa, hated that I was helping Big Oil ruin the planet. So, he kicked me out. But, I think he just didn`t like marshmallows by the campfire, which was my idea. ” 
 
 “ Why is Santa in Hell, in the first place, ” you asked. 
 
 “ The atheists killed him, ” he replied with eyes strangely sad. 
 
 Suddenly, a familar noise echoed in your house and you hear the tapping sound of knuckles pounding insidiously on your door. Tap. Tap. Tap-a-tap. Electrons showered your brain like a 99 % sale shopping spree. Your worst fears have been realized. 
 
 “ Is Santa still a merry fellow? ” 
 
 “ Just don`t be in his naughty list, ” he replied but this time with a smug smile. “ I came on top after Richard Dawkins. Can you believe it? He said, `the hobo needs to get a job! ` ” 
 
 This time you hear smashing sounds and words unutterable, you forced yourself not to listen. “ Take me out on a --, ” you hear in slow monstrous growls. 
 
 “ Noooooo! ” 
 
 You hurriedly picked up your phone and searched the internet for the ultimate baby cat/dog videos no mortal would ever dare to witness. You smiled seeing the cutest dogs and cats hugging like cherubs and their tails wagging. Oooh, one of the baby cats think its tail`s a --. You then met eye to eye as the camera zoomed in ever closer to its face with its eyes like hazy tiny marbles so mesmerising and innocent as time stopped and all experience driven to this single point. From those eyes, you asked yourself, “ what does it all mean? ” 
 
 Suddenly, the phone dropped from your hand, and foamy fluids broke out from your mouth as your eyes turned white. You fell convulsing on the floor and you died from cuteness. 
 
 “ Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas! ” 
 
 “ I wonder where the atheists go? ” 

