[ WP ] You are the human personification of the Panzer VIII Maus heavy tank

Neil was stuck in the doorframe again. 
 
 It was tough being stuck when you are just over one meter seventy and have a slim build, but Neil managed. Neil got stuck all the time. He did it at work, at home, and even managed to once hit his head on a branch that was at least a meter above his head. 
 
 Neil did n't usually view that as a disadvantage. For one thing, school fights were not a problem when he was little. It also guaranteed him a place on the football team and he never had to worry about actually studying German for his language lectures. 
 
 After all, Neil identified as a tank. A Panzer Maus, to be exact. 
 
 With a shrug, Neil broke the door off its hinges and walked inside the apartment. It was dark there, curtains closed, with a heavy diesel smell floating through the air. 
 
 He sat down on a sofa that creaked its last warning and collapsed, and opened a beer. 
 
 Neil sighed. He could have been out with a girl at this moment, but picking up dates proved to be incredibly difficult. The issue of his sexual identification hung over Neil the same way a moon in the sky hangs over a werewolf. Neil hated the thought of dating women. Neil hated the thought of dating men. In fact, Neil hated the thought of dating anyone who didn ’ t have a Krupp gun and a snorkel to cross rivers. 
 
 He was a peculiar man overall. 
 
 The next morning he brought a one way ticket to Moscow. The morning after he was on the train to the Kubinka Tank Museum. The morning after that he was in a cell, trying to figure out what was it that made him end there. 
 
 Outside, the guards were talking. 
 
 ‘ The fucker. You saw what he did, right? ’ 
 
 ‘ I never… I don ’ t even know how ’ 
 
 Neil was sitting in the darkness of his cell, occasionally glancing at the pool of light falling through the small barred window. From time to time, he absentmindedly turned a gold ring on his finger, trying to remember how it got there. 
 
 All he could tell about last night was that there must have been a wedding.
