[ WP ] Hell is undergoing a recession . Desperate for work , a formerly powerful demon applies to the only work available : answering Ouija boards and Magic 8 Ball questions .

“ Sonneillon, you ’ re up. ” 
 
 Sonneillon looked up from his small desk among many in the Infinite Call Center of Hell. His manager Pesado leaned beside him, cradling his head on one hand. 
 
 “ Come on Sonneillon; I own your ass. You got ta do it. Either you do these jobs or you get back in the unemployment line and you know I don ’ t wan na do that to the former Fourth Prince of Thrones. ” Pesado crews on fat cigar. Pesado loved cigars; he couldn ’ t die from them and the tabacco companies had a few factories set up down here so the cigars were easily accessible. 
 
 “ Can ’ t you do it? You are the Keeper of Chaos after all and I would assume that you wou- “ 
 
 “ I *keep* you all here, ” he throws a hand out to the infinite wasteland, “ and **you** cause the *chaos*. Now make with the chaos before I have to banish you like I banished Belias to- “ 
 
 “ The eternal hellfire of Tumblr users. I know, I know. You realized those guys are my project, right? I do afterall tempt people to hate others. ” 
 
 Sonneillon put on his earpiece and popped out of existence in Hell and reappeared floating above a circle of 15 year-old girls around a board. Sonneillon sighed to himself realizing the task before him. 
 
 “ Ouija, does Kevin like me? ” 
 
 Their hands moved together has Sonneillon slowly moved his hand above them back and forth to convey the message. 
 
 “ A… s… k… b…r…i…t…n…e…y… ” 
 
 The group looks up to see the first girl looking across to the girl named Britney. 
 
 “ What does that mean? ” 
 
 “ I don ’ t know, why don ’ t you ask my size D-cups to your tiny As. He knows you ’ ll never put out. ” Sonneillon says through his earpiece; the words come out of Britney ’ s mouth. The first girl jumps across the board and starts pulling at Britney ’ s hair. Sonneillon fades away into another building across the world. 
 
 There are cubicles much like that of his own office, but at least there are walls at the far reaches of the area. He sits down at one of the chairs, flips through the prompt, plugs a chord to his mobile phone into the jack and he is live. 
 
 “ Hi, welcome to Comcast Customer Service. How can I help you today? ”
