[ WP ] Being `` full of crap '' is now literal . Lying is a diarrhetic . More/bigger lies , more/bigger bathroom breaks .

`` Excuse me, Michelle,'' said the President. `` It wo n't be long.'' 
 
 Like all politicians, President Obama is now in deep shit. ( Literally. ) Obama crouched down, waddling desperately towards the executive bathroom as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. 
 
 `` No, no, no,'' he whispered to himself. `` Please, God no!'' The President had barely managed to make it before the profuse, intense diarrhea began to explode outwards. He was knocked off the toilet and a few feet across the room, with shit splattering everywhere. It coated the floor, the toilet seat, the walls, and even the ceiling! 
 
 Eventually, the liquidy consequences of his lies began to push him further forward, and he began to gain momentum. Obama wondered where the other politicians were, and realized quickly that pretty much all of them, regardless of political party and status, were going to be in a world of shit. 
 
 Obama smashed through the door, and shit- stained splinters of wood flew forth in every direction. He tumbled forth, spewing out shit that was now propelling him with the speed of a rocket. He effortlessly shattered his window, flying outwards and into the city, spraying an unholy concoction of Taco Bell and high-class Indian food onto the streets below. He flew above rooftops, now more of a shit-rocket than a man. As Obama looked out, he saw hundreds, no, *thousands* of politicians, mostly old white men spewing out insane amounts of shit and flying, just as he was now. 
 
 And that, ladies and gentleman, was my first day on the job as a street sweeper.
