[ WP ] A character breaks into song at the worst possible time

`` What the hell do you mean, ca n't do it? You're up next!'' 
 
 The 2020 presidential candidate wringed his hands in despair. `` I ca n't help it, it's like- **AAAAAHASAANA YOU KNOW MY HIPS DO N'T LIE AND I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE**-'' 
 
 The soon-to-be most powerful man in the world disappeared under his own bodyguards. No one had ordered them to attack him, but the man's own sense of pitch and complete lack of anything even resembling voice control was enough of an order for them. 
 
 `` Let! Him! Up!'' His campaign manager was immediately on top of the giant dogpile, somehow managing to extricate our unfortunate candidate from the crushing, not-so-loving embrace of those who had sworn to defend him. 
 
 A few hearty slaps were enough to stop the future Mr. President from'singing' any more. 
 
 `` Look.'' The campaign manager was obviously trying very hard to control her temper, `` I've got a lot riding on this. You are NOT going to screw it up for me. Now, I do n't care if confetti and glitter starts erupting out of your ass, you are going to give that damn speech and so help me god if you start singing, you'd better make it *FABULOUS*.'' 
 
 The hapless candidate nodded, his hands still clamped over his mouth. The bodyguards grabbed him by the arms and half guided, half threw him onto the stage, where thousands of people watched him walk slowly up to his podium. 
 
 `` Ahem.'' The squeal of microphone feedback had everyone clamping their hands over their ears. Oh, if only they knew. `` My fellow- **'MURICA, FU-**'' 
 
 The sound rapidly cut off as the future Vice-President attempted to preserve the innocence of the nation's children. The campaign manager's leopard-print pump connected squarely with the back of her candidates' head, successfully jolting him back to reality right as the sound came back. `` I have a dream for this nation, I dream of a world where I can become a man that- **MONSTER, A MONSTER, I'VE TURNED INTO A**'' 
 
 The second pump connected with his forehead, leaving a red imprint. 
 
 `` And now, I hope for a world in which I can be- **DAA DAA DAA, DUN DA DAA, DUN DA-**'' 
 
 `` Is he humming the freakin' Imperial March?'' The campaign manager was watching the stage through her fingers, a glimmering tear making its way down her cheek. 
 
 `` I dunno...'' One of the bodyguards watched him too, briefly considering whether shooting his boss would impact future job searches. `` Maybe he's trying to appeal to the youth?'' 
 
 `` By emulating the Hitler of sci-fi? Is he- OH GOD.'' 
 
 `` **IT'S RAINING MEN, HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAINING MEN, AMEN! **'' 
 
 `` What the f-, what the f-ing hell does he think he's doing? We'll lose the Southern states!'' 
 
 `` **I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT! **'' 
 
 By this time, the hapless band had thrown in their lot with the doomed man on the stage and were providing the background music, a strange remix that was almost as bad ( I did say *almost* ) as the singing it was accompanying. 
 
 `` Make it stop, dear god, make it...'' 
 
 `` **WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIENDS-**'' 
 
 `` WE DO N'T HAVE PERMISSION FOR THAT SONG!'' The campaign lawyer, that brave, beautiful man, rushed forward in an attempt to do what no one else had the courage to do- to end the torture. 
 
 Unfortunately, one of the audience members passed out from the sheer trauma to his hearing pathways and took out the lawyer on his way down. 
 
 `` **MY NAME IS- NO, MY SIGN IS-**'' 
 
 `` Dear god, someone end it!'' 
 
 The bodyguard gave up, drawing his weapon and lining up the shot. `` Do n't give me a reason boss,'' he begged softly, a single tear running down his cheek. `` I do n't wan na shoot you.'' 
 
 For a single, terrifying moment, there was silence. 
 
 The condemned man let out a single sob, the panic showing in his eyes as his vocal chords strained against his will. 
 
 `` **NEVER GON NA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GON NA LET YOU-**'' 
 
 *Bang. * 
 
 Up North in Canada, an evil biochemist laughed softly to himself. Looks like those'broadway drugs' were working juuust fine. Now... Who was next? 
 
 Ideas for the songs/inspiration for the response from [ this ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4ulpai/youre_the_new_presidential_nominee_for_your_party/ ) AskReddit thread.
