[ TT ] A detective whose child has been killed mysteriously , and despite being told not to , investigates her death enough to suspect their spouse .

After my wife gave birth to our daughter she became depressed. She would cry for no reason, she had no energy, she would sometimes go two days without eating, and she was irritable. All signs of post partum depression. She made an appointment to see her doctor was diagnosed and given an antidepressant. After a couple of weeks she started feeling better and it seemed like she was back to her old self. We were first time parents, excited and overjoyed about our new arrival. We named her Sara after my wife ’ s grandmother. My work gave me a few weeks off but it was time for me to go back, they needed me. I ’ m a homicide detective which means long hours, late nights, and not a lot of time spent at home. When I was home I tried to help out with the baby as much as I could. I ’ d let my wife sleep and I would feed Sara when she woke up during the night. I would help with changing ’ s and baths. Everything was going good. 
 
 I arrived to work that morning, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at my desk. I had a ton of paperwork to finish up and a couple of cases I was working on. Then my phone rang. Get home fast is what I was told. They wouldn ’ t tell me anything else. As I raced home a million thoughts flooded my mind. Did something happen to my wife? The baby? Was it a break in? I pulled up to my street there was an ambulance, multiple police cars, and the coroner ’ s van. My stomach went up to my throat. I got out of my car and was met by my lieutenant. I could tell by his face that this was bad. “ I ’ m sorry John, there was nothing we could do, Sara died. ” I broke down and cried like I have never cried before. I asked where my wife was. He told me she is inside on the couch. As I started making my way to the house they were bringing my daughter out on a stretcher in a body bag. It didn ’ t seem real. I deal with death everyday but this was different, my mind couldn ’ t make sense of this. I found my wife on the couch, just sitting there staring off into space. No expression, no crying, she didn ’ t even seem upset. I sat down next to her and asked what had happened. She said, “ I don ’ t know. ” I asked where Sara was when this happened she said in her crib. There was this look in my wife eyes, the only way I can describe it was cold, like nothing was there. My lieutenant came in the room and sat across from us. He told us that the coroner say ’ s it appears to be SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome. After everyone left I tried talking to my wife but she barely responded to me. Just one word answers. She ’ s probably in shock I thought to myself. I helped her to the bedroom, got her in bed and came back down stairs. 
 
 I didn ’ t sleep that night, I just kept picturing that look in my wife ’ s eyes. That blank cold stare. The fact that she didn ’ t even cry bothered me. Something wasn ’ t right. Sara was perfectly healthy she hadn ’ t been sick she was acting fine. Then I started thinking something I didn ’ t want to believe. Could something other than SIDS have caused Sara ’ s death? Was there accident? Did my wife so something? Those questions played over and over in my head. Morning came and my wife was still in bed. They asked me if I wanted to come see Sara before they brought her to the funeral home. I said yes. My wife didn ’ t want to come. On my drive to the medical examiner ’ s office all I could think about was how my wife was acting. My gut was telling me that this wasn ’ t SIDS. Could my wife have killed our baby? I met the medical examiner, and saw Sara. Just laying there like she was sleeping. It was then that I decided I wanted an autopsy done. 
 
 The next day I got a phone call, it was my lieutenant. I need to come down to the station. The autopsy results were in. The medical examiner ruled the death a homicide. During the autopsy small pin point blotches were found around the area of her eyes, signs of being suffocated. The police were already in route to my house. I headed that way and when I got there they already had her in cuffs and were walking her towards the police car. I called her name, yelling why could you do this? No response, she wouldn ’ t even look at me. 
 The trial starts next month. She was found mentally fit to stand trial, and admitted to the detectives that she smothered Sara with a pillow. I haven ’ t visited her in jail, and they have her on suicide watch. I still can ’ t believe this has happened. There ’ s a part of me that doesn ’ t want to. I guess her depression was a lot worse than I thought. That ’ s what I tell myself to make sense of all this. So not only have I lost my daughter but also my wife. I ’ m not sure what I ’ m going to do now. 

