[ WP ] Describe your everyday morning routine in the most badass way possible .

In the eighth hour, I arise from the depths of slumber. I first relieve myself in the Whirlpool of Defecation and remove my Raiment of Slumber. I proceed to the Tiny Waterfall Basin, wash my hands, and cleanse my teeth like a bad mother brusher. In The Chamber of Warm, Cleansing Rain, I sing the songs of my people, apply Smell-Good Dirt Remover, and reap the hairs from my legs and armpits with the Blade of Fury. Upon completion of the Warm Cleansing Rain Bath, I wrap my body in a Shroud of Much Absorbency and dry my hair with a Windy Heat Blaster. 
 
 The time has then arrived to array myself. I consult my Pocket Device of All Information and Communication and select suitable garments of cotton, wool, and/or artificial fiber for the day's activities and heat level. I apply my Facial War Paint if time allows. 
 
 I proceed down to the Chamber of Sustenance and prepare Black Liquid of Energy and Fried Chicken Periods. I place the nutritive subtances into my oral cavity and begin to process them with 28 protruding bones and secreted enzymes. My oral tentacle then forces it down a tube into an internal pit of acid where it is converted into its high-energy molecular components. 
 
 I then search my domicile for my Unlockers of Things and exit, sealing the Building Portal behind me. I seat myself in my Teeny, Tiny, Demilitarized Tank which uses Liquid Dinosaurs for fuel and begin my journey to the Place of Employment where I trade units of my life for a predetermined quantity of currency.
