[ WP ] Humans have - by a very large margin - the longest lifespans of all intelligent life in the universe . You are a human student at a multi- species college , and you / your friends are just realizing that compared to them , you are an ancient being .

`` I am Master Phleeb,'' said the pile of luminferous goo, the slender single stalk protruding from the center of it fluttering slightly as the sound was emitted. `` I have lived for nearly two hundred galactic standard years, and am the eldest of the eldest known species in the federation.'' 
 
 The young man cleared his throat, and straightened his plaid pajama shirt as much as possible. He was suddenly aware of how informally he was dressed, which, all things considered, ought to have been less alarming to him than the massive craft hovering over his home, or the being standing.. erh, glopping before him there in a beam of light. 
 
 `` I'm uh.. I'm Ted.'' 
 
 Phleeb pulsated through a range of different colors, from red to blue to yellow. Then he pulsed again. A lengthy stillness followed, then more pulsing. 
 
 Ted stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels, not sure what to do. 
 
 `` Sorry,'' said Phleeb. `` I got excited and forgot that you creatures communicate through vibrations. I have come a vast distance on a hunch, hoping to find a new species, and here you are. It is a pleasure to meet you. Please, show me your followers.'' 
 
 Ted looked around. `` Followers?'' 
 
 Phleeb pulsated. `` Yes. Are you not the emperor of this planet?'' 
 
 Ted scratched his chin a bit, his fingertips scraping over three days worth of stubble. `` Come again?'' 
 
 `` Oh, I do n't think that will be possible. It takes a great deal of time and energy to cover this distance, and I am very old. Besides, I've only just arrived.'' 
 
 `` No, no, I mean why do you think I am the emperor?'' 
 
 Phleeb shifted from a dim green to a middle orange color. `` I have observed you for nearly a galactic standard year. Twelve galactic months ago, I observed you in the regalia of an emperor, engaged in a great feast and festivity.'' 
 
 A light projected from the tip of the stalk, and soon a hologram appeared of Ted wearing a lamp shade on his head. The image appeared to have been taken through his living room window, from the bushes, during the previous day's celebration of the looming end of Ted's lease. Ted's landlord deserved to step on a lego, and Ted was good for any excuse for a celebration. 
 
 `` I am sorry to disappoint, Master Phleeb.'' 
 
 The entity pulsed. `` Disappointment is nothing to me; I have live for two thirds of a circumnavigation of your planet by your sun.'' 
 
 `` Well, that's... that's not quite a year, is it?'' 
 
 Phleeb vibrated. `` You tell funny jokes, water creature.'' 
 
 Ted shrugged, `` I just mean I've been alive for like, thirty of those.'' 
 
 Phleeb shuddered visibly, then twitched. `` Astounding. You must truly be the most ancient and wise of your people. You will be second only to me, and while my glory will be slightly diminished by knowledge of your existence, the universe will benefit from your contri-'' 
 
 `` Actually,'' Ted said, looking down at his feet, `` by our standards I'm not that old. My grandmother is like, ninety.'' 
 
 Without another word, Phleeb ascended on a pillar of light and his ship shot off into space. 
 
 Aboard the ship, Phleeb made an entry into his log. It was a recording of a series of colors, but if translated, it would read `` Sol system found to be barren of all life. The quest continues.''
