[ WP ] Earth becomes the battleground for two warring alien races , both of which claim to be humanity 's `` protectors ''

Two giant warships orbiting the Earth set their sights on each other, each ship holding enough weapons and munitions to destroy the planet one centillion times over. Down below at the Earth's surface, the humans cowered in awe at the great alien machines floating in the heavens. Some bowed down in reverence, a few made foolish plans to fight, but all men were at the mercy of the great machines, each a capitol ship of an alien state. Many thousands of warbirds surrounded the two great vessels, each loyal to one opposing flag or the other, ready to fight to their deaths. 
 
 Inside one cavernous warship lies the Ancient One, forever melded to a coffin of wires, steel and overgrown flesh. His words come in harsh tones undecipherable by human ears, but his edicts carry the weight of two-hundred billion conquered stars and the lives of many trillions. His legs are the ship's ballasts, his arms are the mighty railguns. The ship whispers and lurches at his every thought. The many worlds He has conquered are but lowly serfs to his indomitable will. 
 
 The other great warmachine is only a limb of an eternal conscious shared by a trillion trillion souls, known only in quivering whispers as the Lady. The Lady grows as she consumes, sending her life-giving tendrils longer than the tails of comets into star systems, tangling the planets like overgrown vines until nothing is left but the husks of beings melded into one mind that spans half the width and breadth of the galaxy. 
 
 Each side has a million million million ships like these at their disposal. 
 
 Since the beginnings of the Universe the Lady and the Ancient One have fought for control of the galaxy, like two rats trapped in a cage. The borders of their hellish realms ebb and flow with the never ending march of time, and here, Earth, is the last unclaimed corner of the galaxy, the last pathetic obstacle in their dominance over the Milky Way. The two immortal ones have been quibbling over Earth for nearly five billion years. 
 
 `` This planet is mine, now go away you abominable slut,'' boomed the Ancient One, loud enough to tear a gas giant asunder. 
 
 The Lady, speaking through the alien tongues of a trillion trillion beings, answered, `` Take those unspeakable words back you hunch-backed monster. You unwashed trouser-trout!'' 
 
 `` Never!'' the Ancient One shouted. Within a millionth of an instant, Earth's moon was no more. 
 
 `` This is just like you, always stubborn, never seeing the errors of your ways. If we communicated our feelings openly and with respect, then we would n't have to fight.'' the Ancient One only mockingly repeated her words, creating a paradox that swallowed Saturn whole. 
 
 `` You can stick to your feelings and communications and respect all you want, but I want my planet.'' the Lady only grew in anger while he spoke, sending a few hundred stars into supernovae. 
 
 The Lady, controlling her immeasurable anger, continued. `` We both know that you're unfit to assimilate the seven billion souls of mankind. I'm a much better caregiver.'' 
 
 `` What's wrong with a little autonomy now and again? You and your wishy-washy types with your feelings, always wanting to control everybody. The Earth is mine, go find some other planet to tentacle rape, you sultry, consumptive hag.'' With this final insult, the Lady went into a sun shattering frenzy. The Earth and all seven billion of its souls were consumed in a fiery holocaust, and nothing was left of man's great achievements but their remains, now rivers of molten rock flowing through barren ash. 
 
 `` You ruined my planet! It's all black and ashy now!'' said the Ancient One. `` Just like last time. You have a tantrum and poof! No more dinosaurs.'' 
 
 `` Enough with those dinosaurs.'' 
 
 `` But they were so cute and tiny!'' 
 
 Billions of years before and many trillions of years from now the two endless beings of the galaxy will bicker. Neverending, their whining and moping are the cycles of life and death in a galaxy plagued with unspeakable horrors and relationship woes.
