You 've just killed Santa in your living room mistaking him for a burglar . Any moment your wife and three kids are going to wake up and come down stairs for Christmas [ WP ]

Completely shocked. I start moving as fast and quiet as I possibly can. Standing straight I'm around 6 feet tall. So I remove his clothing and wear it myself. I grabbed the cling film and a pair of scissors from the kitchen and proceed to the garage. Take the gift wrap and some parachute cord from the garage and back to the living room. I ca n't hear anything upstairs. I wrap the body in cling film and mop up the blood of which there was very little. I had hit him over the head with a bat and he must have died instantly because his heart was n't pumping any blood onto the floor. I was able to clean it with the sleeve of his jacket. 
 
 I wrap his body in cling film and thoroughly gift wrap it. His body is stiffening up nicely. I take my sons wakeboard and am rolling his fat ass outside to my truck. It's just starting to light up and my neighbors do n't have lights on in their houses yet. To my amazement, there was a bright red sled and some reindeer outside. Of course! I do n't have a chimney so they just parked in the front yard. Originally I was going to put him in the bed of my truck and secure the rope to where I could let go of the rope from the drivers seat and dispatch him on to a road somewhere that was n't busy. This is even better though. 
 
 I tied one end of the chord to his feet and the other to the polished chrome trailer hitch on the back of his sled. I then punched Rudolph in the face so hard that he must of died but sure enough the rest started running away. The sled picked up speed and the lifeless body of of santa carving a path in the snow was rag dolling away. Unfortunately the gift wrap was ripped off in the process and his face was dragging along the concrete leaving a bloody skid mark on the road. Eventually they lifted off and were riding into the sunrise. The silhouette of the sleigh, body trailing behind, added a nice touch. As I was starting to go inside the reindeer lost control. Of course. I killed their navigator. They lost control and crashed into the neighbors house down the street and exploded. I didnt like john anyway. I'm pretty sure my son is actually his. Admiring my handiwork, I turn around to see my family in the doorway, staring with open mouths. My wife feints. Fuck. Merry Christmas bitches.
