[ WP ] You sell your soul to the devil . Years later , you die and are surprised to find yourself in heaven .

`` Wait, so what happened? Why am I here?....Not, that I'm saying I object... I'm just confused.'' 
 
 `` Well, Jonathan it's kinda like when one bank sells your mortgage to Fanny Mac, ya know? Ya get what I'm saying here?'' 
 
 ``... I'm still confused. Are you saying 
 that... Satan and God... use souls as....currency? I'm just a human coin?'' 
 
 `` Well... shit. Yes, technically upon death your soul was forfeit to Lucifer. But so are the souls of like, a good 5 % of the population. Yada yada yada Buddha owed Yahweh 700,000,000 Souls or he risked defaulting and his whole religion would've gone into recession and blah blah blah. Lucifer and Loki lent Buddha the souls, and he's paying off the debt over the coming months. You were part of the first payment. Does that satisfy your existential curiosity, now?'' 
 
 `` Yeah... but why would *the devil himself* make a deal with me? And people like me? Seems like he's wasting an awful lot trying to snag us one-at-a-time.'' 
 
 `` Well what do *you* think we should do, Jonathan? Hmm, I do n't suppose you have some magic fairy dust that just instantly corrupts people, do you? You moron, Satan ca n't just go around bewitching people. That's against the 17th Commandment. Cthulu, how stupid are you? 
 
 `` 17?'' 
 
 `` Ya know what, just shut up. Shut up and go enjoy Heaven you idiot.'' 
 
 `` Ya know Peter, you're a real asshole. I *will* enjoy Heaven.'' 
 
 Peter said nothing, and Jonathan, shuffled, red-faced and slightly embarrassed, through the gates. Every damn day these idiots asked the same thing, over and over. Just read the fucking brochure while you're waiting. God, and the fucking super, Gabriel. What a kiss-ass. This shit was n't worth 12.33 souls an hour. 

