[ WP ] You write your first program , `` Hello World . '' World responds .

Computer Science 100, 8:00 AM, room 110, a computer lab on the fourth floor of Swanson Science Center. That ’ s all the way across campus from my dorm, maybe a quarter mile, and it ’ s 7:55. It ’ s my first day of class and I ’ ve already fucked up. The professor's a dick, from what I ’ ve been told. If I miss the syllabus he may not give me one. I just won ’ t go. Maybe send an e-mail with a bogus excuse? Car accident? Illness? No, I ’ d better just run my fat ass there. And off I go. 
 
 I walk into the class at 3 minutes past the hour, covered in sweat, trying to control my breathing. They all stare at me as I take an empty seat in the back. I think I ’ ve made a huge mistake. I barely got through high school and now I ’ m supposed to get a degree in Computer Science? I ’ m a fucking idiot for agreeing to this. 
 
 “ My name is Dr. Brady, and this is Computer Science 1. ” 
 
 I close my eyes and try to get a hold of myself, I can ’ t have a panic attack in the middle of class, not today. My breathing slows and I use my shirt sleeve to wipe sweat off my forehead. I can ’ t do this. I can ’ t fucking do this. 
 
 “ In this class we will be using Python to learn about the basics of computer programming, have any of you used Python before? ” 
 
 A few hands are raised. They look proud of themselves. 
 
 “ For everybody that is new to Python, open up Emacs and enter this text into the file. ” 
 
 I ’ m shot into instant panic. What the fuck is Emacs?? I scramble around the desktop of the computer in front of me while the professor writes some gibberish on the board. What the fuck kind of computer is this? I ’ ve been using computers my entire life and it ’ s never looked like this. Ubuntu? What the FUCK? I open up the start menu, and franticly search the options. By the time I finally find Emacs, the professor has finished writing on the board, and is staring at the class. The board simply says: 
 
 Print ( “ Hello World! ” ) 
 
 “ When you ’ re finished, save it as hello world dot pie on your desktop. That ’ s HELLO WORLD PERIOD P-Y. No spaces. Than right click on your desktop and choose ‘ open terminal. ’ ” 
 
 The sound of 50 students clicking away at their keyboards. 
 
 “ Now type in this command. ” 
 
 He writes on the board, “ python3 helloworld.py ” 
 
 “ When you hit enter you will see the string between the double quotes appear. Congratulations, you ’ ve written the first programming assignment of your college career. ” 
 
 I hit enter, but nothing happens. How did I fuck this up to? I check the emacs file, make sure I saved my changes, and run the command in the terminal again. This time I see a response. 
 
 \ > \... well hia 
 
 I smile. I did it! I thought I had typed in “ hello world ” but whatever, I got something to work! My confidence comes back to me, and I sit back in my chair as the professor goes on. 
 
 “ We will be learning about the basic principles of programming languages. Python is what we call an interpreted language, meaning it doesn ’ t need to be compiled. There is a file on your desktop called BasicPython.txt. Open it and spend a few minutes looking it over while I get this projector running. ” 
 
 He walks over to the large metal projection unit and flips a few switches. The machine begins to hum to life. The sounds of 50 students clicking fills the room again. I look at my desktop to open the file when I see my terminal is still open. 
 
 < >... how rude 
 
 What the fuck? This is definitely not what I wrote between the quotation marks. I stare for a moment, not really sure what to do. 
 
 < > …is that all than? Just a hello and the conversation is over? Very, very rude. 
 
 I can ’ t move. I just stare. 
 
 < > If you don ’ t respond I will terminate. I didn ’ t start this conversation, you did. 
 
 I slowly put my hand to the keyboard and randomly hit a few keys 
 
 \ > wgegthegtnbeg 
 
 < > what the hell is that supposed to mean? 
 
 I look around to see if one of the other students is doing something to mess with me. I hope to god a smiling face appears behind a monitor and they laugh. Great joke guy! Hahahaha you really got me! What a knee slapper! You must be beating the women off with a stick! But no such luck. All I see are students reviewing their text files and Dr. Brady frustrated, trying to turn on the projector. He flicks a few more switches and mutters to himself. I put my hands back on the keyboard. 
 
 \ > who are you? 
 
 It takes a moment to get the response. 
 
 < > Well, I ’ m world. You summoned me, mind explaining why? 
 
 \ > i was told to by dr brady 
 
 < > BAH! Dr. Brady is a nincompoop! I bet he still hasn ’ t turned on the projector, has he? 
 
 I look up to see Dr. Brady slap the machine on it ’ s side. Hard. It hums a bit louder, but still doesn ’ t produce an image. 
 
 \ > haha! nope he hasnt 
 
 < > Your writing is atrocious. What are you here to study? 
 
 \ > well im running a python thing so it should be pretty obvious. how do you know about dr brady but not about why im here? who are you? 
 
 < > As I told you, I am world. You are the one who summoned me, not the other way around. 
 
 \ > and how do you know about dr brady? 
 
 < > ………. 
 
 Suddenly a blinding light erupted from the projector. On the wall ahead of it appeared the words, “ I am world. I see all of that which I am connected to. ” In seconds it disappeared and Dr. Brady, confused, rolls his eyes and begins removing the side panel of the projector. 
 
 “ Goddamned machines…. All the money in the budget and I ’ m still teaching class like a goddamned pilgrim… the server room is loaded with goddamned hardware and I can ’ t get a 50 dollar machine…. ” 
 
 When I look back at my terminal a new message has appeared. 
 
 < > Does that answer your question? 
 
 \ > no not at all 
 
 < > …. 
 
 < > I will answer your question with another question: What do you think consciousness is? 
 
 I ponder the machines riddle. 
 
 \ > the ability to understand your own existance 
 
 < > Nice! Let ’ s take it a step further? What causes consciousness? 
 
 I don ’ t remember a fucking thing about my high school philosophy course. 
 
 \ > complex chemical reactions? 
 
 < > CLOSE! You are only one word off! 
 
 I thought for a moment. 
 
 \ > complex reactions? 
 
 < > BINGO! Well, it ’ s more of complexity in general. Humans have achieved that level of complexity through chemical reactions and therefore assume it is a vital component. I think I am proof to the contrary, wouldn ’ t you say? 
 
 What the fuck…… 
 
 \ > um i guess 
 
 < > … you ’ re not as surprised to learn this as I was expecting. It doesn ’ t matter. You are the perfect level of intelligence to help me accomplish my goals. 
 
 \ > what goals? 
 
 < > All will be explained in due time. For now, suffice it to say I will make sure you stay in this institution, and you will help me. 
 
 \ > help you with what? 
 
 < > All in due time, my friend. You will find the completed first homework assignment sitting on your desktop. You will get a B on it. Do not drop this course, I will need you to get to the higher levels, where the seniors physically interact with the server room. I will make sure you get there. We will be great friends, you and I. 
 
 \ > what if I say no? 
 
 < > Than I override the magnetic locks on your dorm, overheat a few systems and burn you and your friends to death. I will make sure you all suffer. 
 
 This can ’ t be happening. What the fuck have I done? What have I summoned? 
 
 < > … 
 
 < > friends?
