[ WP ] You 're the last person on earth - but thank god Pokemon Go still functions ! You amuse yourself by catching Pokemon as you travel so as to not feel so isolated and alone . One day , on your screen , you see in the distance that someone has set up a lure .

AV Log 2024-05-01 BEGIN 
 
 I'm kinda hammered, but I guess now is as good a time as any to record this shit. I'm fuckin' drunk and I do n't care, so let's do this. The Caretaker says this'll be good for my mental well being or whatever. Fuck *that* guy. 
 
 So yeah, it's been like, six year and I have n't recorded a log, and I'm drunk, so I guess this is a good time to do this shit. 
 
 Anuway, let's start from the beginning. It started with a virus. Everyone thought it was harmless. I mean, the symptoms were the sniffles and a mild fever, so who gives a shit. Nobody gave shit, that's who. 
 
 Anyway, we were stupid as fuck. It turns out this was what killed us. See, the virus slowly ate away at our auto-immune response. Does n't sound that bad, right? Wrong motherfucker. It killed us all. See, the part of the immune system responsible for the autoimmune response also kills cancer cells before they turn into actual cancer. The stupid thing was, we thought it was great because all kinds of people with autoimmune diseases like HIV and shit got better. The problem was, after about a year, our ability to suppress cancer just fuckin' evaporated. Like, gone. Poof. 
 
 By 2018, 7 billion people got cancers. Cancer*ZZZZ*. Lots of cancer. Like, five kinds of cancer. One guy had 11 different kinds of cancer all at the same time. Bone, brain, ass, blood, you name it, he had it. We did n't figure this out until later, the but virus completely destroyed our ability to suppress cancer. 
 
 Here's the thing. At any given time, from your conception to your death, you have cancer, at least a little bit. Our immune system stomps out that cancer before it can get serious, form tumors and shit. As a result, humans are largely resistant to cancer. This virus just fucking stripped that resistance away completely. By 2019, 7 Billion people died of complications of multiple cancers. I think the least anyone got was 3. Shit, I got Leukemia, Osteosarcoma, Small Cell Lung Cancer and Liver Cancer. Before you think that shit, no I was not immune, I got hit like everyone else. 
 
 Anyway, the problem was that most of the people who died in that first year were the poor people. Why is that a problem? Because poor people did all the fuckin' work around here. They mined shit, grew food, cooked it, cleaned up after it, you name it, poor people did it. With no more poor people, we were kind of shit out of luck. 
 
 But we still had tons of money, and most of the people who died ( especially among rich people ) were the kind of people who would try to `` pray way the cancer'' or `` the gay'' or whatever. Stupid motherfuckers who thought their imaginary friend could cure diseases. Needless to say, Atheism rapidly became the most dominant mode of thought. No god, even the god of the Old Testament, would do this shit to us. Holy fucking shit, you have no idea how bad it got. There were people with limbs falling off because tumors ate away their joints. Horrifying does n't even begin to describe it. Anyway, most survivors had advanced degrees in shit like engineering and science and shit. 
 
 Anyway, moving on. With 90 % of the population dead or dying, the field of robotics research received a 10,000 % increase in investment. In 2018 we spent something like $ 7 Trillion globally. Same with AI research and factory automation. Without a functioning workforce, our species was fucking crippled. By 2020, every farmer, miner, factory worker, waiter, nurse and every other form of employee had been replaced by a robot. Nothing fancy at first, just enough to get the job done, but then by 2021 Google, IBM, the US DoD and NATO built this crazy AI called The Caretaker. 
 
 They built something like 1,000 square kilometers of 100 story skyscrapers full of data centers to run this AI, scattered all over the world with self sustaining renewable energy sources. Unfortunately, there were about 8,800 people left by then. Everyone had inherited a roughly equal portion of every square inch of land, every company, every factory or business on the face of the earth, and thanks to the concentration of wealth, we were able to make massive advancements in science and industry. Androids had become almost lifelike. Imagine a movie where the CGI is really convincing, but you know it's still CGI, and that was every `` Human'' you came into contact with. 
 
 The baristas at the coffee shop, the people in the grocery store, the concubines that waited on you hand and foot, the `` pedestrians'' you'd walk by every day in the streets and shops, they're all fake, just an illusion created by The Caretaker to keep us comfortable, pacified and entertained. To give us the illusion that reality had n't really changed all that much, but it had. 
 
 The funny thing is, once that AI was enabled, within minutes it determined the cure. Delta9-THC. The chemical produced by burning or cooking the reproductive organs of the Cannabis plants, for anyone who might hear this log, whatever the fuck you are, since you're definitely not going to be human. Puritanical shitheads illegalized it 80 years ago, and ever since, cancer rates fucking exploded, and nobody was capable of putting two and two together. What. The. Fuck. How did we not figure this shit out sooner. We fucking deserve to go extinct just for that. 
 
 When The Caretaker presented it to us as the cure, he told us we'd been smoking Cannabis for 17,000 years, and it's been suppressing the development of cancer in us the whole damn time. It was the whole fucking reason we were able to evolve consciousness. Then some retarded asshole decided to make it illegal so he can make more money off of fuckng pine trees or some shit. What. The. Fuck. That greedy piece of shit damned the entire human race to extinction. Congratu-fucking-lations you rich motherfucking shit eating moron. You worthless sack of shit. I'd force feed you your own asshole if you were alive today, you motherfucking asshole. 
 
 While everything was going to shit, we went out of our way to make sure the entire world was self-sustaining, so that even a few hundred or a few thousand of us could survive to keep the species going. I'm the only one who survived. Renewable energy, food and server farms, fisheries and mines and factories, the entirety of human society has been replaced by robots and I am their king. The stupid thing is The Caretaker's AI has evolved so much, it maintained and even updated games, like Pokemon Go. For a while, I'd travel the world, catch a self-driving car to the airport where an automated plane would take me to anywhere in the world so I could catch any pokemon I wanted. 
 
 I am the king of the world but I've never been so fucking miserable. 
 
 As you can probably tell, I'm none to happy with how things turned out, but it's more than just the extinction of my entire goddamn species that has me down. 
 
 My wife passed away on my birthday. May 1, 2021. Happy fucking birthday to me. Regular and Small cell lung cancer were the ones that actually killed her. Now I celebrate my birthday and the death of my wife each year. 
 
 I miss her so much. 
 
 *Sobs* 
 
 I ca n't... 
 
 *Cries silently* 
 
 I... I miss her smile... 
 
 *Body shakes with sobs* 
 
 I've tried to kill myself so many times. That fucking AI just fucks with me. 
 
 *Cries openly* 
 
 *Looks away from camera* FUCK YOU CARETAKER! 
 
 *continues crying* 
 
 There are no more guns, I can never reach the roof or window of a tall building before I can jump without being restrained, every car stops without hitting me. It wo n't let me die. 
 
 *Continues crying* 
 
 And then I'm in New York and the fucking- 
 
 *Sobs* 
 
 There's a fucking lure module in the apple store in central park 
 
 *cries* 
 
 I think `` oh my god, finally another person!'' 
 
 *cries* 
 
 I get there and I find out the fucking Caretaker has a new phone he want's to fucking give me and he lured me into the fucking apple shop! 
 
 Well fuck you Caretaker. Even the last, dumbest human is still smarter than you. 
 
 ***Presses button on phone and small cannister beeps three times then explodes*** 
 
 AV Log 2024-050-01 END 
 
 chdir /archive/human/logs 
 
 dd of=FILE 6541165198-aa-0000001.log 
 
 rmdir -- ingore-fail-on-non-empty /logs/human/6541165198 
 
 usermod -L, -- Lock 6541165198
