[ WP ] You have died and have been sentenced to Heck .

I have been waiting in line for an hour just to get on the stupid elevator! I have just about had it with this waste of time, not that I do n't have tons of time to waste. You see, I died. It does n't really matter how, but since we've got time to kill, I might as well tell you about it. 
 
 I had lived a nice life, as far as I knew. Sure, I was n't the nicest chap in the world, but I never hurt anyone. I suffered from one might call, `` cruelty through negligence.'' 
 
 I ignored the commercials that said my twenty-five cents a day could feed a family of five. I tossed my apple cores out of the window because they go away by themselves eventually, right? I mean, I never went and threw plastic bottles on the ground! People like that are assholes! 
 
 Well anyway, I was just minding my own business, bumping and walking my way through the bike lane when, BAM. I say `` BAM,'' because that is all I remember. I guess that was n't as long of a story as I thought it was. 
 
 You know when you go to tell a story, and you're like, `` oh man! Have I got something to tell you about! You better sit down, this is gon na take at least an hour,'' and you talk for only a minute or two? I think I'm just realizing now that is sorta the story of my life. I mean, I did n't DO anything. I could n't tell you what my most important moment was, who I helped the most, the thing I loved more than life itself. I'm not sure that I did love life itself. 
 
 It's crazy how long this line is and how slowly it moves. Nobody is even paying attention, so it does n't really seem like it's moving at all. I guess that's OK. I tried for my whole life to pay attention, then I lost interest. I tried to make a difference to the people in the line, but I here I am, stuck in the middle like usual. 
 I think I'm gon na just sit and wait for a while. I did that before. A while back. Before the BAM. I'll just lay back and close my eyes like everyone else. 
 
 Oh, do you see that? Some guy in the back stood up. There he goes, just walking past us bystanders. Good for him, I guess someone had to open the doors to the elevator eventually. We could have just walked up and did it this whole time. Had I known that, I would have stood up! 
 
 Up, up, there he goes! It's funny, I do n't think I've seen the elevator go down this whole time. Oh well, there's no hurry. We can just sit here and talk for a while. 
 
 So, did I tell you I have been waiting in line for an hour?
