[ WP ] Summarize a well-known war as if it was a barfight between countries .

America is sitting at the bar, minding its own business, when one of Afghanistan's roommates comes over and kicks it in the nuts. 
 
 America falls over in pain, swearing at Afghanistan and questioning why the fuck it lets these dicks stay there. 
 
 Afghanistan tells America it will let anyone stay there it damn well pleases, and it's none of America's goddamn business since all America does is beat up its friends. 
 
 France, Germany, and the UK look up from their drinks across the bar at the growing commotion. 
 
 America tells Afghanistan it should stop protecting its roommates and let it and them settle this like men. 
 
 The UK announces it supports the US. 
 
 Afghanistan reiterates that it will be friends with whoever it wants. 
 
 America punches Afghanistan and knocks it out stone-cold. A few of its roommates also get beaten up but most flee the bar. 
 
 America looks at Iraq. 
 
 Iraq asks what it did this time. 
 
 America tells it that it's friends with Afghanistan, which makes it the enemy. America then loudly accuses Iraq of having a gun on it. 
 
 Iraq furiously denies these charges, and says it just wants to enjoy its drink in peace. 
 
 Germany and France look up from their drinks again, now more concerned. 
 
 America asks the barman to search Iraq for the gun. Iraq reluctantly consents to this. The barman finds nothing. 
 
 America insists that the gun must be well hidden, and punches Iraq in the face. Iraq staggers but catches itself against the bar. 
 
 America gestures to the UK, Germany and France to help it deal with this dangerous criminal. 
 
 Germany and France say it's not their business, and return to their drinks. The UK reluctantly joins in, and gives Iraq an uppercut to the stomach. 
 
 America finishes Iraq off with a right hook to the jaw and declares Mission Accomplished. 
 
 Several hours later, Afghanistan's roommates and a handful of their friends storm into the bar, announcing that they've taken over Iraq's and Syria's houses and that America and its friends can all go fuck themselves.
