[ WP ] Your 11 year old nephew just ate 2 of your LSD gummy bears 45 minutes ago and you have to make sure he makes it through sane

`` Marsha you got ta help me,'' I said. I called my friend Marsha, kind of like those, phone-a-friend calls you get in quiz shows, except in this show the host was Coincidence and he just asked me, `` what do you do when your 11-year-old nephew just ate 2 LSD gummy bears from your stash?'' 
 
 `` Well, Coincidence, I think I'm going to have to phone a friend on this one.'' 
 
 Marsha was a nurse. A great friend of mine. She enjoyed weed and LSD as much as I did, but she was smarter about it than I was. If anyone could help, it was her. 
 
 `` Hello?'' she answered. 
 
 `` Marsha, you got ta help me! You know my nephew Max, right?'' 
 
 `` Mhmm. Jesus, Phil, you know it's 1 am on a weekday right? I have to work tomorrow,'' she said. 
 
 `` Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Oh boy, do I know,'' I said. `` So, Max got into my stash.'' 
 
 `` Please tell me it was your weed stash...'' she groaned. 
 
 `` I wish.'' 
 
 `` Oh, for the love of shit, Phil! Why'd you bring your LSD gummy to a babysit?'' she asked. `` It's not like you were going to do them while he slept.'' 
 
 ``... well—'' 
 
 `` No! You were not going to do them while he slept!'' she insisted. 
 
 `` Okay! Fine, I was n't going to! That's not the problem right now.'' 
 
 I heard the rustling of keys and a jacket. `` How many did he take?'' 
 
 `` I'm missing two,'' I said. 
 
 `` And how long has it been?'' 
 
 `` 45 minutes,'' I answered. `` I just noticed when I was trying to sleep and I heard him banging on his door from the inside, like he was trying to escape, but forgot he can open doors.'' 
 
 `` Is he still in there? Is there anything he can use in there to hurt himself?'' 
 
 `` No. I mean, I do n't think so. And yes! Shit, I answered those backwards. He's in his room, and no I do n't think he can hurt himself with anything,'' I said. I heard her open a door. 
 
 `` K, I'll be over in 10. 15 Present Cres., right?'' she said. I confirmed the address and she hung up. 
 
 *Bang, bang, bang* 
 
 `` The walls are melting! They're coming to get me!!!'' I heard Max scream from his bedroom. I hope his windows are closed... 
 
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 I watched Marsha pull up and run into the house. 
 
 `` Where is he?'' she asked. 
 
 `` In his bedroom still, around the corner and to the right.'' 
 
 Marsha walked over and looked back at me. 
 
 `` Well, are you going to come with me?'' 
 
 `` Yes! Sorry!'' I apologized and ran up behind her. 
 
 We crept towards the door listening for any sign of life. There were a faint few chuckles we heard. It was like a creepy horror movie where the main monster is a twisted psychotic child. 
 
 `` Well, open the door and check on him,'' said Marsha, pushing me ahead of her. 
 
 `` Buddy?'' I said, slowly opening the door. 
 
 The room was a mess. There were blankets draped along the walls, held into place with a combination of Playdo and action-figures plunged through the drywall. All his books from his bookshelf were littered across the floor and in the center of the room he sat, wrapped in a pile of his clothes, staring at a pile of blue Lego. 
 
 `` Max?'' 
 
 `` Th-the ocean. It's beautiful,'' he said, reaching one hand towards the Lego. 
 
 `` Yeah, it's great,'' I said. `` You doing okay?'' He turned to me. 
 
 `` I'm better than okay, Phil. I'm alive.'' His pupils were the size of billiard balls. `` Wo n't you come watch the ocean with me.'' 
 
 I looked back at Marsha who shooed me in. Max stared back at the pile. 
 
 `` She can come too,'' he said. 
 
 So Marsha and I sat down with Max and stared at a broken pile of blue Lego. 
 
 `` You see the dolphin, Max?'' I asked him. 
 
 `` Dolphin?'' he cried. `` Where!?'' 
 
 He jumped up. `` I see it. I see him!'' he yelled and grabbed a few books from the floor and threw them at the wall. 
 
 `` What the hell, Phil?'' said Marsha. 
 
 `` The kid loves dolphins!'' I said in my defense. 
 
 `` Die, die, die!'' he screamed, hurling book after book at a blanket patterned with spaceships. 
 
 When he had no more books a look of horror came over him. He sat down and wrapped a pair of jeans over his body. 
 
 `` I killed him... did n't I?'' he asked. He began to cry. 
 
 `` No, no,'' I said. `` You did n't kill anything.'' 
 
 `` Do n't lie to me, Phil! I saw it!'' 
 
 `` Marsha, help me out,'' I said. She huffed and then put her nurse-face on. 
 
 `` Max,'' she said. `` The dolphins are in the ocean. There's no way you could have killed one on land. You were just imagining it.'' 
 
 `` I—I was?'' he said. 
 
 `` Yes.'' 
 
 `` But the ocean is right there,'' he said, pointing to his pile of blue Lego. 
 
 `` And that's a far way for them to go if they tried to make it over there, right?'' she said, pointing to the new hole in the wall on the other side of the room. 
 
 `` I guess,'' he said. `` So they're still in there?'' 
 
 `` Mhmm.'' 
 
 `` Dolphins!'' he yelled and jumped into the pile of Lego. 
 
 `` Swimming, swimming, swimming with dolphins,'' he happily sang, rolling and flailing in the pile of Lego. 
 
 `` Go get a shot of whiskey,'' Marsha ordered me. 
 
 `` Whiskey?'' I asked. 
 
 `` Yes, whiskey, just go do it.'' 
 
 So I turned and started my way towards the kitchen. As I was leaving I heard, `` now you know where the most dolphins are, when you sleep, they're in your dreams.'' 
 
 I pulled out a shot glass and poured a shot and walked back into the room. Marsha managed to get Max on his bed, despite there being no covers. She grabbed the shot glass from my hand. 
 
 `` Now Max. This is a secret ocean tonic that all dolphins drink. It takes them to a land of wonders, where all the dolphins swim and play,'' she said, holding the shot glass in front of him. His eyes were wide and lost in the fictional world Marsha had created. She held his head and placed the glass on his lips. 
 
 `` Here we go! And... Drink!'' she cheered, gently rocking his head back and pouring the glass in his mouth. 
 
 `` It burns!'' he yelled and began to cough. 
 
 `` Do n't make a fuss, young man, or the dolphins wo n't let you play!'' she said. Max made a pouty face, but did n't say a word. She gently pressed him down onto the bed and placed a pillow underneath his head. I went to the wall to grab a blanket when Max screamed at me. He told me if I took it down'they' would come in, so I went to the spare room and grabbed one from my bed. 
 
 Marsha sang a soft lullaby and Max slowly fell to sleep. We looked around the disaster of the room. Holes in the walls, bent books, a streak of cranberry juice plastered across his white sheets. 
 
 `` How am I going to explain this to his parents?'' I muttered. 
 
 `` Do n't know,'' said Marsha. `` But good luck, I'm out!'' 
 
 She waltzed out the room and paused to look at me. 
 
 `` You owe me.'' And then she was gone. 
 
 Thank God it was over. At least, I hoped it was over. 
 
 Let that be a lesson to you all. When you're babysitting, do n't bring your stash of anything because if you do, you may be calling your nurse-friend in the middle of the night to come calm down your rampaging nephew who turned his room into a disaster zone. Who managed to ruin every conceivable part of his room and wage peace and war against his favourite animal. Now, I'm off to bed. 
 
 Good night. 
 
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 Thank you for reading! More stories at /r/ItsPronouncedGif. 
 

