[ WP ] Your ( unusual ) addiction has destroyed your life . You have lost your family , friends , and ended up flat broke . Today is the first day on your road to recovery .

Tonight is my first meeting. I sat cross legged, indian style, the way a child might thumbing through a magazine. I am trying not to think about it. To be frank about it, there is nothing stopping me from not staying in. I am not dying, I am not addicted to some stimulant, some hard drug that will take me in the end. I hardly drink. but my wife. She had other ideas. Lucie. She thought it was pretty cool. What kid wouldn ’ t? 
 
 “ Jon, your stupid fish are ruining our marriage ” Sara would yell. I am not really a yeller, I rather talk about things, yelling does nothing for no one. But sara. I am sure at some point our marriage was good, but like everything it came to an end, and we both tried to grasp to the corpse that once was and hang on. To clear up, fish are actually not stupid, while many people think they are, and have a felting seven second memory, it is very much not the truth. I have several fish that do tricks. They are like aquatic dogs. Very rad stuff. 
 
 Now that Sara has left, which was on her accord not mine. She said keep the house. Which was ok by me, at this point I was rather over the fighting. However when she left she said some choice words, along the lines of “ you chose fish over your family ” and “ until you get rid of those dumb things you won ’ t see your daughter. ” Actually that is pretty much what she said, I am sure there was more, but those are the two things that stick out the most. 
 
 I did do father things with Lucie, We had a lot of fun. I thought she should have a hands on approach, a bit what people call free range as well, and Sara was more hovering, she had to have a set schedule and could not do this that or the other. If she could the child in a bubble she would. I guess that was the start of it, and the fish were control. But Apparently it is not ok to spend several hours tinkering with a filter or some equipment that needs fixing, getting the ph levels just right. Like I am talking perfect. It had to be perfect always. Making sure the plants and bits for the self sustaining ecosystem I have going are ok or spending hours making sure the fish I just got does n't have dropsy. It may have had it before I got it, and The treatment is work. Change its water every three days by twenty-five percent and get the water quality up, should that not work use meds. Some people spend years on train sets. I have fish. Kill me. 
 
 As it turns out, you can ’ t make money from this hobby. That is what I call it. It has drained me. Emotionally and financially I have a good job, but I have so many fish that food and maintenance is taking my extra money. Friends say “ wan na go out man? ” I always have to shuffle my feet and answer in a way that is awkward, because a lot of the time I just don ’ t have the funds. There are times, very deep inside in my heart, in a place no one will ever find. That I wish it was opposite. I get that feeling sometimes. It goes as fast as it comes. 
 
 I started selling some old things lying around on ebay. I thought they would be fast cash. You hear stories. But I was wrong. It is not as easy as it sounds. I guess you have to know how to market. I do not have this skill, But I am very substitutable to marketing, if only I knew how it worked. 
 
 A close friend of mine, Keith, who ironically used to do a bit of hard drugs. I say a bit, but I am being nice about it. He stopped me last week and said in the blunt way he says everything “ Jonny man, ” he said patting my back. I guess I was looking bad, Sara and I got into a fight as I wanted to take Lucie to the museum. She asked about the fish and if they were still in my possession in a tone implying she still hated me and fish on a level that was equal, which was rather high. “ I never thought I would have to say these words to you, or about fish, but man, you have a problem. ” I was a bit offended really, I told him waving my hand, that it was in fact just a hobby and nothing more. “ Man, hobbies to split families. ” He had a point, I was living in a fool's paradise. Or anyone who liked sushi. I used to like sushi once. 
 
 So with the push of Keith who told me about how he kicked drugs and the groups and talks and how everyone supports each other. How you might fall back but you just get right back up. He told me all of it down to the really bad juice and stale cookies. He said we would start Monday, get rid of one tank and go to a meeting. Just to test the water. I agreed. 
 
 As I sat on the floor cross legged, indian style, the way a child might thumbing through a magazine, There was a knock on the door, pulling me from my anxious, wondering thoughts. It was Keith who had a friend who was looking for a aquarium and fish. 
 
 After showing of the gent I would never see again, with the fish I was know cutting ties with and one less thing in my life and a bit of money in my pocket, I looked to Keith, “ Your house always makes me wants sushi ” he said as I locked up. “ I could go for some, I will buy. ” I agreed. The sushi was the best start to a long recovery from my addiction to live fish. 
 
 

