[ WP ] The absolute worst opening line to a novel you can come up with .

First off, there happens to be a novelist named Amanda Mcittrick Ros who is widely regarded as the worst novelist in the history of the world. She overused alliteration and nonsensical, overly complex phrases that the best literary critics were unable to interpret. Her debut, *Delina Delaney, * opens up with 
 
 `` Have you ever visited that portion of Erin's plot that offers its sympathetic soil for the minute survey and scrutinous examination of those in political power, whose decision has wisely been the means before now of converting the stern and prejudiced, and reaching the hand of slight aid to share its strength in augmenting its agricultural richness?'' 
 
 Nobody, and I mean nobody, can top this lady in bad openings. Renowned Oxford literary group The Inklings ( Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, etc.. ) read her stuff as a joke at every meeting. 
 
 Now that I've shared that, here's my attempt: 
 
 Blistered Bob Bumpleskin, buffoon, complemented his cockamamie posterior with nary a myriad mint, resulting in a positively precocious federation within which wild interest interred among animalistic desires debriefing his maniacal mind so as to accomplish almost all inevitably inequitable to mankind's manifesting magnificence. 

