[ WP ] Jack is an apocalypse architect . He travels the galaxy to barren planets , pre-intelligent life , and makes subtle changes to ensure that when life evolves , the planet 's inhabitants ultimately meet an apocalyptic end .

*These goddamn fish* 
 
 It was not long ago I was given the orders to traverse the intergalactic perimeters of space in search of a planet of hospitable intelligence. I often feel a like our species is a little greedy, just searching for a place where there is both vegetative and carnivorous food to eat. Sure there are vegetarians on planet Earth, and they think they are saving the wildlife, saving our time on Earth, being humane, because they refuse to eat a living thing. Truth is, they've made my job 1,000 time more difficult because there are vegetables, as far as the eye could see, but because it's not `` Economically Viable'' we ca n't transport cattle to these planets. Horseshit. 
 
 At any rate, I'm rambling. For *18 years* I've searched every looming, inhospitable planet from Aaalas to Planet of the Vapes 9 in search of a suitable atmosphere, mesosphere, stratosphere, whatever-sphere for holding plants. I've been chased by more mutants than have stepped on my piss trails leading back to the ship. I've come up empty handed 2,937 times. Plants do n't even have faces and yet I want to punch one in it's face. Anyway, I finally found a planet. It was a breath of agonizing relief, Zeda 9. 
 
 It had the most friendly ecosphere I'd ever seen. Trees were already in full bloom, waters ran rapid amidst the open land. No threatening source of life I had found when I took a scan of the planet. I scanned it three times in my disbelief. In utter shock, I actually wept at the fact that there was aquatic life already brewing in the shallow waters. I cried and cried aboard my lonely spacecraft, sobbing tears of relief and joy. 
 
 I have seen a large plot of these celestial bodies, I have ventured far and wide across this vacant terrain, and I am convinced there is a God, and he is a spiteful being. 
 
 *These Goddamn fish* are so fucking stupid. The males will gallop, as if to be triumphant, upon land and gasp their last stupid breaths until they kill themselves off. They do this by the hundreds per day. There are only about 20,000 of them, and yet they insist on flopping their dumb bodies onto the comparatively arid Earth and floundering in their misery. If that were n't enough, the females who lay the eggs, immediately turn around and eat THE EXACT FUCKING EGGS THEY JUST LAID. 
 
 The children fish ( of what little do survive ), are abandoned by the mother fish and are forced to eat rocks until they are too heavy to swim. They sink to the bottom and starve. 
 
 I've given up my hope of these fish and my search. To whomever finds this note, know that Earth will have to put on trial Jack Fair for treason against the Union, and that they should bring a team of psychologists, for I will be filling my gullet, and likely my brain, with these stupid fish. 
 
 

