[ WP ] Your only life purpose is to exterminate mankind . But unfortunately , you are just a mushroom .

“ Get my hair brush. Get my make up. Mario is coming today, ” Ronnie Toadstool mimicked the Princess in his bathroom mirror. 
 
 Ronnie and his father, and his father before him, had been serving the royal family for years. But never once had they even muttered a simple, “ Thank you Ronnie. ” Hell, Ronnie had n't seen a coin in years, his weekly paycheck was a crate of apples. But the last straw came earlier this year, when Ronnie's father lost his battle with the Purple Chills; no King Toadstool, no Princess, not a single one of them in sight at the funeral services. Now Ronnie was the only one left to look out for his little brother Eno. Eno deserved a better life. 
 
 And today was the big day – the Princess's big birthday party. Ronnie had started spending his Sundays, the one Sunday a month that he had off, in a shady part of Twilight Town. The bar he'd frequented was called the Fire Flower; the place was a real dump. At first, he'd gotten roughed up a few times, one guy even threatened to stomp him, but eventually he got in close with one of the bartenders. Once Marm was on his side, the rest of the place stopped hassling him. Ronnie had noticed the same shy-guy in the corner of the bar every Sunday. Eventually, Ronnie worked up the courage to make his move. 
 
 “ Hey listen, I'm thinking that you may run in some circles with people I want to know, ” Ronnie said. 
 
 The shy-guy whispered something that Ronnie could n't make out. 
 
 “ Its hard to hear in here, ” Ronnie said. “ But look, let your boss know that next month is his chance. It's Peach's birthday. Her 24th again, fifth year in the row. But she always takes everyone in the castle off-duty during the party – she's obsessed with having the biggest possible turn-out. Just let your boss know to come to the castle back door with his troops. I'll let them in.. ” 
 
 “... “ the shy-guy said. 
 
 And now the day of the party was here. Once the Princess was gone, Mario would go off to save her. The castle would be unguarded and Ronnie would set things right. Hopefully Mario and the Princess would never come back, but even if they did, Ronnie would have a few traps waiting upon their return. Eno interrupted his train of thought. “ Come on Ronnie! If we do n't go soon we're going to miss the songs! ” The kid was adorable, he loved singing. 
 
 “ I've just got to fix my hat Eno. You go ahead. I'll meet you down there, ” Ronnie promised. 
 
 A few minutes after Eno had left, Ronnie walked out of their room and headed straight for the back of the castle. There was n't a soul in sight. Ronnie pulled the lever that would release the lock on the gate and began turning the crank to lower the gate. He thought about how the castle really needed better security, but hiring someone to tighten things up might mean one less hairdresser or manicurist for the Princess. That would never stand. 
 
 As the gate lowered, Bowser was there with a bunch of his bastard kids – weird looking group. 
 
 Ronnie said, “ King Bowser, I'm glad to see you, now everyone is -- ” 
 
 The giant lizard roared and backhanded him, sending Ronnie flailing to the ground. By the time Ronnie gathered his wits, the group of them were marching around the corner and out of sight. He was outraged and wondered if the shy-guy had even relayed his message. Or maybe all Toads just look the same to Bowser. Racist. Oh well, it did n't matter. 
 
 Ronnie caught up just in time to see the chaos in the courtyard. Bowser had the Princess in a sack and Mario was frantically jumping around near the gift table. All of the Toads in the courtyard were just running in small circles – they did n't deal well in high pressure situations. 
 
 Everything was going according to Ronnie's plan. But just then the music sped up – something was wrong. Ronnie saw Mario across the way. Oh no, that bastard had pulled a star out of one of the present boxes – probably another present from daddy for the Princess. The plumber did some sort of triple jump and in a minute he had knocked over Bowser and most of his kids. Mario jumped again and had just finished landing on the last of the Bowser kids, when Ronnie screamed. Mario had hit the Bowser kid, but he had landed on his brother Eno. 
 
 Ronnie ran over to his brother. He cried and held Eno, but his brother was n't breathing. It was too late -- Eno would n't get to sing any more songs. 
 
 The Princess came over and saw Ronnie kneeling there with his little brother. “ Oh, Ronnie there you are. My presents all got knocked over in the mess. I need you to pick them up. Hurry, so we can sing Happy Birthday! ” 
 
 /r/Fatty_McFatts
