[ WP ] Elon Musk is actually a disguised alien who bet his friend that he could bring Earth to `` Technology Level 10 '' in one human lifetime .

`` Sir,'' she came into the office softly stuttering, silently weeping, her arms extended as though cradling something sublime and wonderous. `` S-sir, you've done it. You cured cancer.'' 
 
 `` GET THE FUCK OUT BRENDA!'' Elon yelled and shoved the office door into her body. When it closed, he locked it and ran back to his Paramator. 
 
 `` Paramator!'' He hollered,'' Cue screen!'' 
 
 A hologram shot up into the air and presented the tactile data dashboard. 
 
 `` Shit, shit, shit,'' He said. `` Level 3. Level fucking 3. We were supposed to have cured cancer three months ago!'' 
 
 The Paramator queue'd an incoming call. 
 
 `` Answer!'' Elon yelled while applying pressure to his temples. Into the hologram presented a smooth skinned, hairless biped. Its features were long and narrow, and eyes large and dark. 
 
 `` Ah, yes, Elon. I see you are falling off schedule.'' 
 
 `` Fuck you,'' Elon said. `` Where's my shipment of quantum transistors?'' 
 
 `` Coming, Elon, coming. But at this rate, and I've done the computation, the chances of project completion are slight.'' 
 
 Elon narrowed his eyes until they were sharp as falcon claws. `` Never tell me the odds,'' he said. 
 
 `` 97.36 percent,'' said the creature. `` Of failure, that is. You'll be slurping my jerjew to its moist, coily tip before the next nova expansion.'' 
 
 `` Fuck you. Transistors,'' Elon said, and snapped his fingers to hang up the call. `` Paramator! World map!'' The Paramator displayed a map of Earth with lines of longitude and latitude. Musk took his hand to his chin and studied it. `` Come on, guys,'' he whispered while dragging his index finger across South America. `` If we're going to pull this off,'' he spun the map with a flick,'' Everyone's going to have to help...'' 
 
 `` Elon! Elon!'' Someone was furiously pounding on his office door. `` It worked! It worked! The new boner medicine worked! Now we can have boners all the time!'' 
 
 Elon's thoughts drifted and he idly mumbled to himself,'' Permadicks? But that's a level 6 technology...'' 
 
 A light went on behind his eyes. He ran to his desk and pulled out his top drawer. From it he took crayons and a legal pad. 
 
 `` Think, Elon, think!'' He said while bopping his forhead. `` Dicks,'' he started to say. 
 
 `` Dicks,'' he said.'' Dicks, cocks, socks. Rocks—no, goddamit Elon. Cocks, socks...'' He scribbled furiously on the legal pad. `` Cocks, socks, sockets... rock --'' 
 
 His eyes went wide, shining with epiphany. 
 
 `` Hot carl,'' he whispered, and sat in his chair and marveled silently.
