[ WP ] `` You all remember why the captain of the guard decided to grace us with his presence . ''

`` You all remember why the Captain of the Guard decided to grace us with his presence, do you not?'' 
 
 20 men and women stood at attention, in a straight line, shoulder to shoulder. They all saluted in unison. `` Yes, sir!'' 
 
 The Governor sneered. `` And what may that reason be?'' 
 
 I stepped in the room through the hatch, laughing silently. I put a finger up to my lips to shush the guys, then silently stepped behind the Governor. `` Please, do tell me why I'm here,'' I said nonchalantly, drawing myself up to my full eight feet and resting my elbow on the Governor's head. 
 
 The Governor laughed. It was not a nice laugh. He cackles like a maniac. Twerp. `` It is his last day with you. He turns three hundred and fifty tomorrow.'' 
 
 I thought for a moment. Yes, the Law did state that no person may live more than 350 years. Immortality on a large scale is a terrible idea. No, I was not turning 350 years old. Nor did I particularly care about what the Law said. I was the Captain. So I held up one of my twin shotguns to the guy's face. `` I do not turn three hundred and fifty tomorrow, I'm afraid. Nor is today my last day with you guys. What you may not know, my dear Governor, is that I am turning 5,000 in half a minute from...'' I checked the clock on the wall. `` Now. Also, you've ruined my day.Would you mind being the one kicked out of that airlock today instead of me?'' 
 
 The Governor shook with rage. `` You are a danger to the city. You must be eliminated.'' 
 
 I nodded sadly. `` Yes. I've only run the city part-time for the past four thousand years. The rest I spent learning how to do cool shit like teleportation.'' I disappeared and reappeared on his other side. `` And still we've prospered.'' I waved my shotgun around, making everyone wince. `` I've defended this place with 20 random people who did n't even volunteer, most of who could n't even do a single fucking push-up when I started with them, since the establishment of the city, with zero casualties.'' 
 
 `` I will bring you to justice,'' He spat. 
 
 `` I will kill you by shoving you out that airlock and into the wormhole,'' I retorted. Everyone knew that only heavily reinforced spacecraft could pass through. Then, for extra measure, I added: `` With a space suit.'' 
 
 `` You would n't dare.'' 
 
 I crossed my arms. `` Try me.'' 
 
 Right before he could respond, I shoved and oxygen mask on his face, and he went through the hatch. I watched him quickly recede into the distance. 
 
 I looked up. The twenty members of the Guard were aghast. `` Oh, do n't worry. This happens about every 75 years or so. I'm used to it. Same shit every time.'' They were still staring at me. `` Look, It's not a big deal. Drinks on my ship at oh-five-hundred?'' Hesitantly, the group cheered. 
 
 Good. I would n't have to put too much work into erasing all those memories. And maybe I could get some feedback about those horns I was planning for my next identity.
