[ WP ] A psychopath is collecting people to be characters in a story he wrote . He thinks he 's found his protagonist .

Some people will go to such ridiculous lengths to get published. 
 
 Have you ever tried to get published? If you have, I ’ m sure you realize how degrading the experience can be; unless you ’ re very lucky, your heart gets transmogrified into dozens of rejection letters. “ Maple Dog Blues ” was the perfect short story, and constantly being told it needed revision was the purest hell I could imagine. I spent the better part of my twenties trying to show the world my talent, my genius, and for what? Something to pass the time until my thirties. My thirties. 
 
 In the end, I had to resort to this... this stunt in order to get noticed. I decided to turn it into a short film. 
 
 First, I needed the perfect setting. That was easy: Nobody had used the old textile mill since it shut down in the 1950s. A few quick months of cleaning, reinforcing the walls, and securing all windows and doors so they couldn ’ t be tampered with or opened from the inside, and the stage was set. The script was already there; all I needed was to make it accessible to the players. 
 
 Casting was a much trickier task -- I ’ d become more intimate with my dramatis personae than I ’ d ever been with any human being. I knew them inside and out, and taking the time to see a human ’ s insides might be a fun diversion, but it would bring me no closer to my goals. There was also the fact that I needed to be able to find people who not only resembled those figments of my imagination who needed to be seen as real, but could do proper justice to their spirit, their quirks, their flaws, and most importantly their archetypes. 
 
 Fortunately, I lived about an hour outside of L.A., where there were more actors and actresses than atoms. 
 
 It took the better part of a year, hundreds of dollars ’ worth of theater tickets, several auditions for shows I had no interest in being cast for, and a lot of patience, but I found them. Well, most of them. Barry, my main character, was difficult as hell. So I had to improvise, as they say in show business. 
 
 After procuring a van and several months ’ worth of dried food and bottled waters, in addition to a small amount of roofies, I collected my cast and brought them to the mill. 
 
 When they awoke, they each watched a training video I ’ d made for them, explaining the importance of “ Maple Dog Blues ” and bringing to the world its message of contentment with your situation. They needed to be patient while I found my Barry, but they had food and company -- and, behind thick panes of glass, the script, conveniently printed off and mounted every ten feet along every wall. 
 
 I watched them with pride as they overcame the initial squabbles and pissing contests that all Hollywood types initially go through, whining about their families and such, and finally getting into the spirit of things. They discussed my story, its themes, and who they were supposed to be. De Niro was slowest to get into the swing of things, but by the end of the first year, he owned the role of Glenn the Buddhist Barber. And Jennifer Lawrence -- how could someone be that cute without makeup or shampoo and not be Chloe, the estranged love interest back from studying in the Orient? 
 
 It was a few weeks after I brought them to the set that I came up with the idea of a documentary; I searched all the security camera footage I ’ d collected, noting elements that would make up a great “ Making of ” featurette one day. And just like how you always find that pencil you were trying to find when you ’ d put it out of your mind, it was while I was buying a bigger external hard drive so I could store all my video that I found him. 
 
 All this time, and Barry hadn ’ t been an actor waiting for the part of a lifetime -- he was a college age kid working at Best Buy. How could I have been so blind? Barry had to be a breakout role for a total newcomer. Obviously! 
 
 So now I ’ m scouting the Best Buy, waiting for the perfect time to approach Zachary with his new role. His face is going to look perfect on the cover to “ Maple Dog Blues ”, rolling his eyes at the motley crue of supporting characters while the villain ( an amoral banker, played by the guy from the comic book store on “ Big Bang Theory ” ) sneered in the background. 
 
 And when the police find the DVD, with its beautiful story, its “ Making of ” featurette, and its blooper reel ( oh, the crying! ), along with the bodies of the most dedicated cast in Hollywood history, they ’ ll know “ Maple Dog Blues ” was the perfect story. 
 
 I think I might approach John Williams to do the score.
