[ WP ] A Man dies and expects to go either Heaven or Hell , only to be told by an Angel that he already was in Hell and now his punishment is over

Ephrem crawled away from the wreckage, first through ashes and bits of burning debris, then through white, virginal snow. After a few minutes of dazed crawling he stopped and thought about how he had gotten here. *Rebel bomb, big one. * He coughed and splattered the snow with an alarming amount of blood. Flipping onto his back, he mustered every bit of his energy to sit up the tiniest bit and look down. He collapsed nearly immediately, but he had seen enough. He was going to die. 
 
 He stared up at the black smoke smearing the blue sky. The fear and pain he had always thought would accompany this moment was n't there. *Its the shock*, a small voice in his head whispered. To his surprise this annoyed him. He wanted to die with a clear head. 
 
 *This is it, should n't I be doing something? Should n't my life be flashing before my eyes*? Ephrem considered praying, but the memory of his wife and child struck him like a thunderbolt. *Now these are thoughts I can die to. God will understand. * 
 
 Ephrem smiled and closed his eyes. 
 
 He opened his eyes. He was standing a forest, ringing with joyous bird song, sun dappling the ground. Wind caressed his naked body. Right in front of him was a short path that led straight to two brick posts, flanking an iron wrought gate. He recognized this gate. It was just outside of his village that he had n't seen in nearly a year, after being conscripted to fight in the war. But the gate he remembered had been rundown, and the forest had never been this green. 
 
 In the entire strange situation it was his naked body that shocked Ephrem the most. It was n't even the nudity, it was his body was scarcely recognizable. The tatoo he had gotten on a drunken dare was gone. The scar he had got from falling out of a tree was gone. He had got that scar trying to impress the girl that would become his wife. 
 
 The creak of the gate opening tore his eyes from his unblemished body and locked onto a man slipping through the gate. The man was wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He was beautiful, perfection incarnate. The man's face split into a giant grin when he saw Ephrem and raised a hand in greeting. 
 
 `` Ephrem, it's about time.'' 
 
 `` I'm dead.'' 
 
 The man beamed at him, `` You catch on quicker than most, that's what I always liked about you.'' 
 
 Ephrem gave the gate a pointed look, `` So this is it then? My judgement. I expected more clouds.'' 
 
 This caused the man to roar with laughter. `` You human's have created the most amusing ideas of the afterlife. I can assure you, it is much simpler than you were led to believe.'' 
 
 `` Are you Peter?'' 
 
 `` That works for me, if Ephrem works for you.'' 
 
 Ephrem was surprised. Rather, he was surprised he was n't surprised. His mind was clear in a way that it had never been while alive. He was n't being buffeted by emotions or drowning in the ignorance of this new world. 
 
 `` How does this work? Do I plead my case or do you already know if I'm going to heaven or hell.'' 
 
 Peter nodded as if expecting this question, `` This whole process has been heavily dramatized. You are already in Heaven, you merely need to walk through the gate.'' 
 
 Ephrem felt a small surge of smugness, `` I always knew there was no such thing as hell. I always thought it was the most wicked lie. No god would create-'' 
 
 Peter held up a hand, `` But there is a Hell, Ephrem, you just came from there.'' 
 
 Ephrem's new-found clarity was shattered as he swam in confusion. Before he could begin to even form questions Peter was talking again. 
 
 `` There is no Earth. There is only Heaven and Hell. I understand your confusion, but it came about because you humans misunderstand what Hell is. Hell is n't a burning wasteland of torture, or rather not in the way you humans conceptualized it. Hell is being separated from God's love.'' Peter pointed to the gate with an open hand, which swung wide. `` Come join God's love.'' 
 
 Ephrem took a step towards the gate almost without thinking, then he shook his head and asked, `` If that was hell, what did I do to be sent there?'' 
 
 `` Another misconception. You are never sent to Hell, you start there. God in his infinite wisdom wanted human's to know the perversions that grew in the void of his love, so that they could better appreciate it. Things like anger, sadness, fear, and perhaps the most painful thing of all: the pale facsimile of love that you human's have for each other.'' 
 
 Half a sob escaped Ephrem, `` Our love for one another is perversion?'' 
 
 `` Every terrible thing in Hell starts out as love.'' 
 
 `` Every beautiful thing starts out as love!'' Ephrem was shouting now. 
 
 Peter smiled patiently, `` My child, you do not know what true beauty is.'' 
 
 Ephrem collapsed and began to sob. He did not know for how long. Finally he rose and took a few more steps towards the gate, then stopped again. `` Are my parents in there? Will my wife and daughter join me?'' 
 
 `` You will all be as one, in communion of God's love.'' 
 
 `` That's not what I asked, dammit! Will we be a family in there?'' 
 
 `` We are all family.'' 
 
 Ephrem stared at Peter's gorgeous smiling face. There was nothing in it but a simple joy. He wanted to scream at the man, maybe even hit him, but he knew his words would mean nothing and his fists would not cause any pain. And that was the problem. 
 
 `` Send me back to Hell.'' 
 
 `` My son-'' 
 
 Ephrem put up a hand. `` I hear what you are selling, but I am not buying. Send me back.'' 
 
 Peter did n't quite frown, but the smile almost disappeared. 
 
 `` You human's will never understand how cursed you are with free will. God can cure all curses, but alas you must go to him willingly. I will send you back. You will not be sent back as you. You will be born of a new mother, into a new family.'' 
 
 This gave Ephrem a moment of pause, but nodded. `` When you see my family, tell them what I did. Maybe they will join me and we will find each other in a new life. 
 
 And he was gone. 
 
 Peter turned around and walked through the gate. As he did so, the forest of Ephrem's village evaporated into a white void. Ten's of thousands of people sat in concentric circles. They sat on nothing, and stared at nothing. They sang a simple song, one of God's love. The Man of Many Names walked through the rings of people until he reached the middle. Here was the only feature in the void: a giant throne. The man took his seat on the throne, and drummed his fingers on its armrest. 
 
 He frowned.
