[ WP ] You discover you 're just an NPC in a game with extremely advanced AI . You encounter the main character .

`` What the-hey! What are you-'' 
 
 The tall, heavily armoured man swiveled away from the chest to face me in the blink of an eye, his effeminate hair still swaying from the motion long after he stopped. 
 
 `` Hey man look, I do n't want any trouble.'' I whimpered, eyeing that sword strapped to his back, easily three times his size. 
 
 `` But this is my... guards involved... seek... lest... wait what?'' I stood for a second in confusion, unsure of what just popped out of my mouth. 
 
 The man casually jogged around me, smashing furniture left and right while peeking into containers. 
 
 `` Oh, I see. You're the player character right? That's why you can skip my dia-'' I was cut off again, seemed this player was n't interested in immersion. 
 
 `` Okay, well how about this?'' I broke out my trump card, even the player was n't immune to this. 
 
 In a short, somewhat jarring motion, the player was warped right in front of me. I could see he had some minor control over himself, but only enough to twist around, not enough to ignore me and move on. 
 
 `` That's right.'' I said with a small hint of pride. 
 
 `` Un-skippable dialogue.'' I added as I watched him squirm. It felt good to have control over something in my life for a change, especially over the guy the world revolves around. 
 
 `` We NPCs get a few of these so folks like you do n't miss out on the important stuff. Now, I get that you're off on your big quest and everything, but c'mon man. Do you really need to loot my stash of Shplurf-root? The best thing you can craft from that is a potion that heals like, 10 HP. I need to use that stuff to craft my ointment for this Direwolf injury I got last week. Between you and me, I do n't even think the game's been out that long, some jerk just decided to code me this way to add depth.'' 
 
 I could see the player was actually paying attention to me for a change. His character stopped twitching and just stared at me with these cold, dead eyes while his clenched fists dangled at his sides. I was n't sure what to expect when I saw him open up his list of emoticons. 
 
 To my surprise he used the `` point up'' gesture. I turned around to see what he was pointing at but only saw the remains of my bookshelf he'd smashed and pillaged. I then realized he was pointing at the text above my head. 
 
 Looking up, it was hard to read at this angle, but I'd already figured it out a while ago with the help of a few mirrors. It read: `` Joe. LV7 Commonor, 190 HP.'' 
 
 Having a glitched perception stat had it's ups and downs. Having 20/20 vision and a 100 % hit rate was nice and all, but the existential dread that comes from seeing the world for what it is can really weigh on you. 
 
 I at least thought being a self aware AI in a game would be a big deal to this player, but he just seemed to brush it off. He followed up with the `` this guy'' gesture, pointing both his thumbs to himself. I took a quick peek at his stat page. `` Tyrannosaurus Flex- LV20 Dragon Berserker. 6900 HP.'' 
 
 `` Okay, like I said, I get that you're an important person and everything but I really do need those roots. Surely you do n't need it, it'll barely heal your HP and the merchants will only pay around 6G for something like that.'' I'd hoped my pleading would resonate with him, NPCs are only given a few lines of un-skippable dialogue at a time, so that was my last shot. 
 
 I saw him select the `` handshake'' gesture. With a sigh of relief, I reached out to him. Then, he did a quick back-step action, cancelling the animation. Quickly shifted over to the `` flip off'' gesture, and did a dodge roll straight through my window. I quickly ran over to the window to see him sprinting off my lawn, slowly stopping to regain his stamina every few seconds. 
 
 `` Oh yeah!?'' I called out. 
 
 `` You know that chick down at the bar you keep giving stuff to? Guess what buddy, her affection meter raises towards *anyone* who gives her things! Right now, your waifu's probably getting it on with the shop-keep that sold you that sword at double it's value!'' 
 
 

