[ WP ] A supervillain takes over the world . Inexplicably , the quality of life improves .

“ The St. Nick of Sixth Avenue strikes again. Good evening, I ’ m Linda Williams. For the fifth time in as many days, a child will have a rare and expensive new toy to play with, but her Santa…remains a secret… ” 
 
 The news ain ’ t what it used to be. It ’ s more positive, more cheery. Yeah, I know Christmas is coming up, but who the hell leads a news broadcast with a story about a mysterious do-gooder? Yesterday, it was the toy store with a line that went on for blocks. Monday, the Nigerian street vendor with twelve kids that won some stupid contest. 
 
 “ …around the corner, we ’ ve got all the hottest gift ideas for you and your loved ones… ” 
 
 Look, it beats the stuff they used to show, no doubt. War in the Middle East, school shootings every day, terrorist attacks. That stuff was a total buzzkill. But do you really mean to tell me that the most notable thing to happen in the world today was some overprivileged white girl getting a free stuffed animal? 
 
 “ …of which only fifteen will be released… ” 
 
 Give me a fucking break. 
 
 The world ’ s been a real strange place lately. One day, we ’ re on the brink of World War III. The next, everything is fine again and Akihito is calling the shots. I have no idea what he told Trump and the rest of the G8 at that emergency meeting, but whatever it was, it undid months of political turmoil overnight. Just days after the president threatened to repeat the atomic bombings of World War II, he was on the TV singing praises for the bravery and brilliance of the former Japanese emperor. That ’ s right, former emperor – part of the concessions made at that summit was that Akihito would be named Grand Chancellor of the Group of Eight, effectively promoting him from Emperor of Japan to Emperor of the World. 
 
 “ …by far the most popular toys this season… ” 
 
 There ’ s something huge on the horizon, I can smell it. While the rest of the country is being sedated with Christmas shopping and stuffed animals, the stench of treachery fills my nostrils like the raw odor of dry vomit. Until that resolution was passed, social media was alight with what a terrible president Trump was. Fast forward four months and there ’ s not a peep about politics on Twitter. No more shootings, no more war. Everyone is seemingly content with their lives, and all they could talk about– 
 
 “ –Furry Cat, Donkeytron, Pengin, and even one called Shoe! Linda, these Japanese toys have made quite a splash in America… ” 
 
 The remote fell out of my hand. I must ’ ve stared at that TV for an hour. 
 
 “ My God, ” I thought to myself. “ They ’ ll never believe me. ”
