[ WP ] You sit alone at a bar , when a man completely clad in black sits down beside you and says , `` The Grim Reaper needs a new protegé . You interested ? ''

I had another existential crisis at my cubicle job today. On the inside I was screaming, running through a mental labyrinth, thinking how I'll escape this dead-end job, why I chose this career, why I chose the major in college, what an idiot I was for being tricked into it by `` the system'', whoever they were. But on the outside I was my serene old self, eyes burning when I blinked from staring at the computer screen all day. It was the second existential crisis this week. I got zero work done all day, and on my bus ride home, head down in my phone like every other miserable sack of shit on the bus, I got an email from my manager saying they want to review my performance with the head of our department. I've never seen our department head, and our department head has never even seen me, and to top it off he is married to my manager. 
 
 First my heart raced. I hoped they'd fire me but I have no backup plan. I went to my favorite bar on the way to my apartment. 
 
 
 I got some absinthe. The real stuff. I stared blankly into the bar and out the door, watching the world blur like distant pavement on a hot summer's day, time evaporating away. I had n't even read the whole email from my manager, just the subject line and the first sentence from my phone's notification. I decided to pull my phone out and have a look. Fumbling with the pass code I was interrupted by a man in black, who just asked me `` The grim reaper needs a new protege. You interested?'' There was no way he was real, it was the absinthe at work. Then he touched my cheek and I felt his cold soft hand. It is death. Take me death, I thought, it is my time. He walked toward the back of the bar, outside in the alley. I saw an orange glow in the alley. Could it be, a portal to his realm? This was really happening! 
 
 
 Serenity overtook me. Following Death Incarnate to the back exit of the bar, for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged. I stepped outside, and gazed into his orange glowing portal. 
 
 
 But it was no portal. It was a trash can on fire, with a homeless man warming his hands over it. Then I felt a cold wind chill from beneath me. I looked down. My pants were pulled down! From behind me, the voice of the ghostly figure in the bar said `` I am your master and you are my protege!'' and as I turned around he was also pantless, and he hocked spit on his erect manhood. I screamed both in fright and in disappointment. The ghostly man looked at me puzzled. `` I-I'm sorry, is something wrong?'' He said. 
 
 
 `` I thought you were Death Incarnate! Not some guy trying to... gaaahhh!'' I replied. 
 
 
 `` I'm so sorry if you misread me!'' he said wholeheartedly. `` Please do n't tell anyone about this, I have a lot to lose!'' He said, running off. 
 
 
 `` I do n't even know you!'' I yelled down the alley as he ran away. 
 
 
 `` Sure is cold, eh?'' The homeless man said to me as I pulled my pants up. 
 
 
 I laid in bed hopeless all weekend. It was time to move on in my life. I'd probably be fired, but I've accepted it. 
 
 
 I went into my performance review Monday morning. Ready to be freed from this cubicle jungle and cast into the abyss where I oddly felt safer. Accepting of my fate, and recalling a Haka dance video in my mind to prime me for the firing, the conference room door opens. In comes my manager, and behind her, was the ghostly looking man from the bar last week who tried to... gaahhhh! We both froze. 
 
 
 `` What's wrong?'' said my manager. 
 
 
 `` N-nothing... Hi, nice to meet you.'' said the ghostly looking director. 
 
 
 `` So... let's begin!'' My manager said. 
 
 
 I got a raise. 
 
 
 

