[ WP ] You are the head of the Cult of Cthulhu , their goal is almost complete . You never wanted this to happen , you were in it for the perks .

`` We have almost succeeded, sir,'' the cultist reported, kneeling in front of me in my office. `` We are preparing the sacrifices now.'' 
 
 `` Why did no one tell me?'' I demanded, getting up from my armchair. It used to be a throne, but I'd swapped it out. The chair was way easier on the back. Ergonomic lumbar support. The problem was that I did n't really want them to succeed. 
 
 See, the cultists had been doing rather badly before I showed up. Before I joined, I was a hatchet man for the corporations. Came into companies on the verge of bankruptcy, and uhh,'optimized their efficiency to by more synergistically aligned with company goals, as well as industry standards and best practices'. The suits lapped it up. The cultists were eating out of my hand. 
 
 One of the companies I'd worked for had made a number of unlicensed transactions. Embezzlement, rather common. But the network of shell companies was way more complex than most corporate guys went for. Most of the rich just dumped everything into an offshore account and called it a day. This was eighteen shell companies, with a hundred false trails and more enticing finanical crimes. 
 
 I was more determined than most, though. Way more experienced as well, better than any of the mooks the FBI could muster up. So I tracked it down to this merry bunch of idiots. When they tried to kill me, I offered my services. 
 
 I did my usual procedure, firing slackers, cutting costs, getting some contractors in. But perhaps a little too well. They'd actually succeeded, the crazy sons of bitches. 
 
 `` We wanted it to be a surprise, sir. You always tell us to take initiative,'' the neophyte smiled at me, like a dog expecting a treat. I *had* actually told them that though. 
 
 `` Uhh, should we really be bringing him forth now?'' I asked. 
 
 `` Why delay sir? We're finally on the verge of-'' the cultist furrowed his brow. Dammit, think fast, Nathan. 
 
 `` The Elder Ones have strange desires, you see? Cthulhu has lied dreaming for a very long time, and will certainly demand some things from us when he awakens,'' I nod wisely. It helps to project an air of confidence. They are cultists, after all, they'll follow whoever has the biggest balls. 
 
 `` That is very wise, sir!'' the man bowed. More brown-nosing. I have to admit I enjoyed it a little. `` We shall postpone the ceremony,'' he rushed off. 
 
 Now, what do you suppose are the odds of Cthulhu wanting a speedboat and a limousine? I wondered as I stared out of the penthouse window. 
 
 [ I have a sub now, which I always forget to plug. /r/poiyurt Go there if you want, or do n't. I ai n't your dad, unless the story calls for that. ]
