[ WP ] You represent Humanity . You 're also very , very wasted . Describe First Contact .

`` HURGH!'' 
 
 A mostly clear, yellowish torrent spilled out of my gaping maw onto the creature's head. The only thing that made the situation slightly more dignified for all involved was that its nictating membranes closed just before the concoction of bile and stomach acid could cause an unpleasant stinging. 
 
 I quickly turned aside, and motioned with what I hoped was an easily understood gesture of apology mixed with distress, and heaved once more. Damn, I usually do n't have this level of gastric distress until ten hours after getting this plastered. Part of my alcohol addled brain burbled something about radiation, but that was surely foolishness. 
 
 The being in front of me - at least two feet shorter than me, with grey-brown leathery skin and large eyes the color of roasted chestnuts - began wiping itself down, what I could see of its face wearing a mask that on a human would indicate disgust and mild embarrassment. It chittered something in a clicking language that I could n't understand - well, until I suddenly had the mother of all hangover headaches, like a sledgehammer between the eyes. Right then, I could make out... not words, but the impression of language. If I could put into some kind of actual words, it would be like *why is it always puke? * 
 
 `` Hey man... uh, ma'am... er, guy... I mean, your the one who all'close encountering' barely two blocks from the pub on a weekend. I mean, be glad it's not piss, I guess.'' 
 
 *thank { ancestral deity } for that, i suppose. * That was a little clearer. 
 
 `` Are you... like in my head?'' I'm not the brightest bulb after two in the morning. 
 
 *no, i'm up your ass. i thought i was close to one of your centers of higher learning. * 
 
 `` Higher learn... oh like, university? I mean, yeah, I take classes there, but man... er, whatever- 
 
 *'' man'' is fine `` dude'' * 
 
 ``... Right... anyway, you picked, like, the *worst* time, it's right after exams, and I think I'm fairly, um, representative of everyone's condition...'' though, come to think of it, I was feeling a lot more coherent than I'd have normally expected... 
 
 *yeah, trying to sober you apes up is a bitch sometimes, what with all the introspection and shit. bottom line, i need someone who knows the finer points of quantum entanglement. you the right monkey? * 
 
 `` Quantum whazzit? Dude,'' I pointed at myself `` business major.'' 
 
 The little guy threw his head back and emitted a high pitched tone. 
 
 *for fuck's sake. where are the guys with thick ocular enhancement implements? i do n't need an investment strategy, i need a friggin' ansible. * Then, almost... well, not inaudibly, but with less intensity, *what i would n't give for one of those for real... * 
 
 `` Uh, I think there's a bunch of engineering grad students back at Molly's...'' 
 
 *great, i guess that will do. do n't bother telling me where `` Molly's'' is-* I felt something that I can only describe as a straw in my consciousness *-i'll get that myself. oh, feel free to tell your friends! if you want to wind up in the nuthouse that is... serves you right, chimp. * 
 
 A bright light, and I passed out. 
 
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 
 
 I felt cold water on my face, and opened my eyes to my roommate looking at me with obvious concern. `` What are you looking at?'' We were n't on the best of terms. 
 
 He scowled. `` You've been out since you collapsed on this couch, yesterday. Normally I'd let you rot here, but I need a ride.'' He made a funny face. `` Also, who's, ah'Zrrgl'?'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Maybe you should look in the mirror.'' 
 
 I clambered up and went to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, my face was a mural of all the best `` passed out at a party'' cliches, dicks on my forehead, all kinds of stupid shit. The kicker was a stylized drawing of a little dude with a big head holding it's... member, I guess?... and pissing in my mouth, with the caption `` Zrrgl wuz here.''
