[ WP ] Multiple nuclear explosions wipe out several cities in the middle east , but noone knows who deployed the weapons . This is the resulting UN emergency meeting .

“ I will take no part in such insubordination! ” yelled China. “ We are going to do this correctly! ” 
 
 “ I can ’ t see how we ’ ll ever figure anything out! ” added Nigeria. 
 
 “ This is hopeless, ” bemoaned Lithuanian. 
 
 “ Everyone shut up! ” demanded the United States. “ Can we all just agree on pepperoni. It ’ s the cheapest thing on the menu, and it really isn ’ t that bad. ” 
 
 Russia stood up in protest. “ I will have no part in this pepperoni fiasco! I move that we return to the earlier decision of canadian bacon. ” 
 
 “ Guys! There is an easy way to settle all of this. Why don ’ t we get half pepperoni, and half canadian bacon. It ’ s only going to cost us like an extra buck, ” reasoned New Zealand. 
 
 “ I wanted a cheese pizza, though, ” whined Chad. 
 
 “ You can just pick off the toppings. It ’ s the same thing, ” reasoned New Zealand. 
 
 “ Fine, ” sulked Chad. 
 
 `` That works. All in favor? ” asked the U.S. with a fire in her eyes that dared anyone to oppose her. 
 
 Everybody ’ s hands flew up in favor. 
 
 “ That ’ s settled then. Angola, go make the phone call, ” demanded the U.S. resolutely. 
 
 “ Why do I have to do it? I ’ m a part of this security council too, ” complained Angola. “ I don ’ t want to miss any of the meeting. ” 
 
 Everybody laughed. Angola blushed and silently pushed his chair back. He left the room to make the call. 
 
 “ Now, why did they call this emergency meeting again? ” asked a bored France. 
 
 “ Someone used their nukes in the middle east or something, ” said the U.K. matter-of-factly. “ They destroyed a few cities. ” 
 
 The United States stood up with a fright. 
 
 “ Is the oil okay? ” she asked nervously. 
 
 “ The oil fields are all fine. Your oil will still be delivered like normal. ” answered China. 
 
 The U.S. slumped back into her chair and gave a sigh of relief. “ You really had me going there for a moment. ” 
 
 “ So what does everybody want us to do? ” asked Malaysia. 
 
 “ I guess everybody want us to figure out who launched them, ” replied the U.K. 
 
 “ That could take months! ” complained China. “ I ’ ve got a hair appointment at 4:00. ” 
 
 “ Does anyone else have anything going tonight? ” asked the U.S. 
 
 “ The misses and I were going to go and see that new Matt Damon movie. ” answered Russia. 
 
 “ I went to that one the other day, ” added France. “ I thought it was pretty good. ” 
 
 Everyone started talking about it and the room quickly fell off topic. The U.S brought the room back to order. 
 
 “ So we can all agree that we want to be out of here by 3:00, right? ” asked the U.S. 
 
 Everyone in the room nodded their heads in agreement. 
 
 “ So that gives us about ten minutes, not counting time to eat the pizza. ” confirmed the U.S. “ Does anyone have any ideas at all who did this? ” 
 
 The room went silent as everyone racked their brains. They sat in silence until everyone started to get fidgety. Russia started straightening the papers in front of him, while Nigeria chewed on the end of a pen. Finally, Spain perked up as an idea came into his head. 
 
 “ Why don ’ t we just blame someone, ” he asked. 
 
 The room all nodded in agreement. 
 
 “ We could blame ISIL? ” proposed Jordan. ” 
 
 “ That ’ s too obvious, ” returned the U.K. 
 
 They all hummed and hawed as they thought of possible solutions. 
 
 “ Why don ’ t we just blame it on Palestine? ” asked Jordan. “ It ’ s not like they can oppose it when we bring this to the whole delegation. ” 
 
 Slowly they all agreed that Palestine would be the best scapegoat. 
 
 “ All in favor of throwing Palestine under the bus? ” asked the U.S. 
 
 Everyone raised their hands in agreement. Angola walked in at that moment with a box of pizza. 
 
 “ Pizza ’ s here, everybody, ” he smiled. 
 
 “ Where ’ s the drinks? ” asked Lithuania. 
 
 “ You guys didn ’ t tell me to order any, ” frowned Angola. 
 
 “ Classic Angola, ” complained China. 
 
 “ I can ’ t eat this without soda, ” complained the U.S. “ Go and get us some drinks. ” 
 
 “ I brought the pizza, though, ” he retorted. 
 
 Everyone started to boo Angola. 
 
 “ Fine, I ’ ll go and get some drinks, but you better save me a slice. ” 
 
 The pizza was gone before Angola had even shut the door.
