[ EU ] The Doctor is pen pals with GladOs

A man in an orange jumpsuit ran for his fucking life. 
 Sweat-lined eyes surveyed the passing rooms back and forth like a lawn sprinkler until he finally stopped so hard that he tripped and fell onto the ground. 
 His portal gun fell out of his hands and clattered along the white tiles. 
 A voice sounded from security cameras that gave him goosebumps and made his hands curl into fists. 
 
 *It's about time. I am genuinely impressed at how long your primitive brain managed to keep your body upright. It must be working overtime up there. Poor thing. * 
 
 He stood up and ran to his portal gun. 
 
 A white panel extended from the wall and blocked his path abruptly. He collapsed against the panel and fell to the ground, wheezing and panting. 
 
 *Thank you, your lack of fitness reminds me that I should feed the other subjects less. We have concluded with the portal testing portion of the experiment. Now I have a test that will benefit both of us. Ok one of us. Ok just me. We will test how resilient the human body is to an open flame. * 
 
 A sharp whirring sound accompanied the arrival of a dozen flamethrowers that descended from the ceiling, completely surrounding the man. 
 
 *This flame is 3683K, hot enough to melt tungsten. Previous tests were inconclusive. Or they burned the subjects alive. I forget which. Prepare for tes-* 
 
 A high-pitched beeping rang through the speakers. **Ding! You've Got Mail! ** 
 
 *Oh good. It's him. * 
 
 A screen near a security camera flickered to life, displaying the image of a gaunt cheerful man wearing a pair of 3-d glasses. 
 
 `` Is this thing on? Hello? Oh dear, is my hair really so... pointy? I'm walking around with a bloody fern on my head. Oh sorry, yes, hello there, GLaDOS! TARDIS says hi as well! Just left a planet that's remarkably similar to Earth, but everything is just 3 times smaller, compared to them I'm a giant! Also attended a smashing party! Although they did run out of dip and the host had transformed himself into an enormous genetic abomination in an attempt to live forever but as far as parties go, top-notch! Now, in response to your previous letter, yes it is true that I share your, uh, enthusiasm for experimentation. There is just one thing, I'm not sure that your version of the scientific method is exactly what Aristotle had in mind, no matter how open-minded he was. Rubbish dance partner, though.'' 
 
 A sudden movement to the man's right tore his bewildered gaze away from the television screens. Standing there within the ring of flamethrowers was a large blue box with the doors wide open. A thin man with a pinstripe suit was hurriedly beckoning him into the box. 
 
 The video on the screen continued. 
 
 `` I've got enough on my plate with one set of beings trying to exterminate the universe and another trying to assimilate it. If you ever decide you want to do less experimenting and more adventuring, let me know and I'll find a way to fit you into the TARDIS! Goodbye for now, you magnificent beauty!'' 
 
 *Oh that man. He warms the Emotion Simulation centers of my central computing cortex. Now let's-of course you're gone. Well, someone is getting a letter full of deadly neurotoxin soon. *
