[ WP ] The first rock band on Mars encounters a problem

`` What do you mean, we ca n't go outside?'' Nathan asked, in a low growl. 
 
 `` Well boys, there's no breathable air on Mars. You ca n't go outside MordMars or you'll die.'' said Charles, as patiently as he could. 
 
 `` Yeah Nathan! Your eyeballs will be sucked outta your head like in that movie with the Terminator!'' exclaimed Murderface excitedly. 
 
 `` TOTALS RECALLS!'' Toki and Skwisgaar chimed in together. 
 
 `` I love dat movie!'' yelled Pickles. `` Especially dat chick with the three tits!'' 
 
 `` AWESOME! Can we get some of those?'' asked Nathan again. 
 
 `` Get some of what, Nathan? Breasts?'' inquired Charles, incredulously. 
 
 `` NO! Chicks with three boobs! They got ta have those now, right? Somewhere on Mars, cause that's where we are. Now.'' 
 
 `` Yeah! Send in the triple-tittied groupies Charles! demanded Pickles. 
 
 `` Well guys, I think it might be *possible* for women to have a third breast implant, I just do n't know of any who *would*. After all, Total Recall was just a movie, that actress did n't actually have three breasts. It was n't real.'' 
 
 `` Aww,'' sighed the entire band, dejectedly. `` Kuato *was* gold.'' Nathan added sadly. 
 
 `` Anyway fellas, we need to get back to the topic at hand. The Phobos and Deimos DethAmps have been installed and the MarsDethStage construction is practically finished, so the first interplanetary concert is almost ready to go. We will be broadcasting to the entire planet Earth simultaneously, potentially reaching the largest audience size ever recorded in the history of Man. However, we have a problem. Your fans are having trouble affording the purchase price of the concert and travel tickets to Mars, due to the unstable nature of the current world economy. I am open to sugges- uh, guys?'' 
 
 Charles stops, suddenly realizing that he is speaking to an empty conference table. Looking over, he sees the band crowded around a nearby window. 
 
 `` What is dats?'' asked Skwisgaar. 
 
 `` It looks like a small car!'' said Pickles. 
 
 `` Well, how come it gets to go outside? I WAN NA GO OUTSIDE!'' grumbled Nathan, clearly annoyed. 
 
 `` Guys, that's just the *Curiosity* rover, sent here by NASA. It's a robot car that does experiments on Mars. It can be outside because it does n't need air. Like you do. To breathe.'' 
 
 `` Kuriosticules? Like dat what which killed the cats? Oh wowee! I gots to go save my cats!'' Toki exclaimed fearfully, running out of the room. 
 
 ``... He did n't *actually* bring a cat to Mars, did he?'' asked Charles. `` Anyway, you're all too distracted now to continue, so just think about what I said, and try to think of a way to get some fans to Mars. No pressure, we just spent a lot of money trying to play a show to two planets. Hmm.'' 
 
... **Elsewhere**... 
 
 Senator Stampingston calls the meeting to order: 
 
 `` Gentlemen. It seems that Dethklok is attempting to preform a concert on Mars. While this show could potentially revitalize the economy, it could also have devastating ramifications. I present to you our expert in Astrophysics, Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Dr. Tyson?'' 
 
 ``... Why would anyone try to have a concert on Mars? There's no air there! Even if you could be outside and breathe somehow, you could n't hear anything! If you build a giant concert hall on Mars, could n't you just build it on Earth? It's just a colossal waste of time and money! What the { squealy } am I even doing here?'' 
 
 Dr. Tyson throws his hands up in the air and storms out the door. 
 
 `` General Crozier?'' intoned Senator Stampingston. 
 
 `` We have mobilized the world's defenses and finances in order to expedite the wealthiest members of society into space. We are also looking into mass-transit services for what we refer to as'regular jack-offs.''' 
 
 `` Vater Orlaag?'' 
 
 `` Mars, the ancient Roman God of War. The Red planet has long been associated with war, blood, death, and destruction. Having the concert on Mars may be a bad omen, and we should be prepared accordingly.'' 
 
 `` Very well, Gentlemen. Meeting adjurned.'' 
 
... **In the Tribunal's Lair**... 
 
 `` Master, preparations have been made to set the Dethklok show into motion. If everything proceeds as planned, the revitalization of the economy will fund the rest of the FalconBack project unto completion.'' 
 
 `` Gooooood, SSSSSenator.'' 
 
 `` I still believe that the Red Planet is a bad omen for us Master, but supplying FalconBack is too important at this time. We must succeed.'' 
 
 `` I agree, Vater Orlag. We will wait and ssssee how Dethklok will perform...'' 
 
... **Back on Mars**... 
 
 `` Well guys, thanks to some anonymous benefactors, some planet-wide crowdsourcing funds, and some help from our very own R & D department, we were able to secure an audience attendance of almost one-quarter of the world's population for the Martian Concert.'' 
 
 `` Hey! Heeeeeeeey!'' 
 
 `` Yes, Murderface?'' 
 
 `` What's a Martian?'' 
 
 `` Well, it's a word used to describe anything from Mars. It can also refer to aliens from Mars, but we all know that they are n't real.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, but you said chicks with three boobs isn'ts real either, and looks whats wheres dat gets yous. Nowheres!'' 
 
 `` Skwisgaar, there are no women with three breasts.'' 
 
 `` Pfft, yous just sayings dat. They're out there, we knows it! Nathans gon na finds dem!'' 
 
 `` Nathan? What do you mean, he's going to find them?'' asked Charles, suddenly alarmed. 
 
 `` He ams outsides! He founds a spacesuits and takes a walks to looks for pretty alien goils!'' 
 
 `` Oh dear god... Klokateers, we have a code black... repeat, code black.'' 
 
... **After the Concert*... 
 
 `` Tonight on the 11 o'klok news! Disaster strikes the Martian DethKlok Concert! An unknown number of concert attendees were blasted out of the concert hall into the thin Martian atmosphere, where witnesses reported seeing the victims eyes being sucked out of their sockets. Supposedly, the airlock to the concert venue was opened by a man in a space suit. When asked for a comment, frontman Nathan Explosion had this to say:'' 
 
 ``... Brutal.'' 
 
 `` Despite this tragedy, the concert was otherwise an overwhelming success, and stocks are up worldwide. For now, the World Metal Economy seems to be fruitful, if not a deadly one.''
