[ WP ] When you die the afterlife is an arena where you face every insect and animal you killed in your life . If you win you go to heaven , lose you go to hell . Your job was an exterminator on earth .

St Peter finished the briefing and Cletus was sure he saw a flicker of a smirk on his face. Cletus let out a long sigh then he spoke. 
 
 `` So I have to fight every bug I've ever killed?'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' Peter replied. Doing a slightly better job of keeping a straight face. Cletus studied his face for a moment but his expression remained blank. 
 
 `` You realise that my whole career was as a bug exterminator?'' He said. 
 
 `` Oh?'' Replied Peter feigning surprise, `` it er..'' he flicked through some papers on his desk but did n't seem to actually be reading anything. `` It would seem to be the case, yes.'' He said with an awkward smile. 
 
 `` Well I'm fucked then are n't I?'' Cletus cried. `` I mean I was fucked from the start, the game was stacked, 40 years ago when I took the job to feed me family.'' 
 
 `` Well... Ahem, God allows us to make our own choices and...'' 
 
 `` Our own choices?'' Peter interrupted. `` God is all powerful right?'' `` Well...'' `` And he speaks to us if we listen yes?'' He carried on. 
 
 `` Yes of course! God is all hearing and...'' 
 
 `` Well I went to church every Sunday'' He interrupted again. `` Every Sunday I went to church and every day I prayed! Do you think maybe he might have mentioned that my career choice was n't setting me up well for the after life, do you thi...'' There was to be no reply. Peter was gone and the room melted away and he was sitting on the dirt on an empty plain. He could hear the sound of buzzing in the distance and he stood up. Stuck both his middle fingers up at the sky. 
 
 `` Fuck you goooooooooooo....!!!!'' He screamed as the swarm surrounded him and drowned him out. 
 
 
 `` So let me get this straight.'' Dirk said. `` For every woman I've boned? A quarter pint of semen will be added to a barrel, the barrel will be poured down my throat until it is empty and if I am still alive by the time it is empty I will go to heaven?'' He said incredulously. 
 
 `` Yes that er... Would appear to be the case.'' Replied Peter matter of factly. 
 
 `` You realise I'm a porn star right I.... 
 
 Peter closed the door, just faintly through the door you could hear someone guuuurgling and spluttering `` Fuuccck youuu gooooooahurgespergrreaarrg...!'' 
 
 He sighed. At the end of the corridor sat God at a desk playing computer games. 
 
 `` You do n't like humans much do you?'' 
 
 God pulled off his headset. 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Oh n-nothing...'' He stammered. 
 
 God eyed him suspiciously and then plunged his hand into a bag of Cheetos. 
 
 `` Alright, there's a politician in room 4 due to face his obstacle.'' Hopefully he did n't lie too much in his career or he may find it a little difficult!'' God laughed, his laughter grew louder and louder. He could still hear the bellowing as he closed the door behind him. 
 
 God does n't like humans very much. In truth it was always obvious we just did n't want to see it. 
 
 Edit: Sorry I really am no writer, I just wanted have a go! Advice always welcome, it's the simple things like describing the flow of a conversation without just saying he said, she said that pain me the most.
