[ WP ] Upon returning from a trip to the past , a time-traveler discovers that he has replaced Jesus as the figure on the cross .

`` Oh shit, I should NOT have gotten drunk at that party.'' 
 
 I could've sworn that mixing mushrooms and four pints of hard liquor would have been a good idea. Really, I did. But I did n't quite foresee the inclusion of a time travelling device. So when I finally fell down into the sands of Jerusalem, I knew, I KNEW it was not a very practical place to be in my state of mind. 
 But at the time, being beyond high and intensely drunk, I did n't realize I had warped through time and space. You know, timey wimey and all that. Jesus and his Apostles were proclaiming their higher love or something, and I thought it was amazing. Honestly, I did. I grabbed a chair and sat, because this was a scene I'd never forget. 
 
 And while I knew I'd never forget it, I also knew I was in some sort of state of mind that should n't be existent. Following my trend of unfeasible acts, I mingled with the Apostles and Mr. J-Christo himself. 
 
 It was pretty fun. 
 
 I took J man and his 12 or whatever friends out to party. B.C alcohol rules, if you've never tried it. We got beyond hammered. It was quite a sight to see the man upstairs stumble around, and fall down stairs. Followed by his Apostles? I was laughing so hard I thought I'd die. 
 
 But there was a moment I REALLY thought I'd die, like, out of some sort of movie -- smiled into a thin layer of dust or something. I had dropped a pile of B.C time bricks onto Jesus's head. The groans of a dying man were hard to stomach, but knowing it was coming from one of the most influential religious figures known in the entire history of the world was even harder to stomach. Knowing I had just killed and subsequently stopped any production of the bible in 2015 was a bit surreal. 
 
 However, it was then, as my ass was plunged into the time travel device, it was just then I had an idea. I would become the next Jesus. I would be the man who died and, well, in this version of the bible, did n't come back in 3 days. The songs sung in the churches current day 2015 would be entirely different, the bible about 400 pages shorter, and there would be no 14th painting of Jesus's life during the time he was executed. For I, just as I would be dead on the cross, would time travel away. 
 
 And so, when no one was looking, I threw Jesus's limp body into a river and threw on his clothes. His Apostles at first were a bit suspicious. I managed to change their opinions. I showed them a simple magic trick, something you learn when you're in kindergarten. I removed my thumb and put it back. Then, at that moment, I was praised to be Jesus. ( It was pretty cool. ) 
 
 I do n't really remember what happened, but we totally partied balls. It was insane. I led some goats or something and everyone referred to me as a total 16th prestige shepherd or something. 
 
 Eventually, I woke back at my home in Eastern Canada, present day 2015. My girlfriend, pissed at me for being late for dinner with her parents, helped me dress in my hungover state. Her parents, whom were extremely nice and well-mannered, were also extremely religious. Curious, and, forgetting the previous night, I was flipping through their picture book bible. And, at the last page, there on the cross... was me? 
 
 OH SHIT.
