[ WP ] Congress just passed the Prohibition Act of 2016 . Coffee is now a Class 1 illegal drug .

//Modded the prompt a little. Coffee banned in 2026. 
 
 `` No no no!'' I yelled at the dock worker. `` The dark roast goes in that compartment, the light roast in the back! ” 
 
 He looked at me befuddled. I quickly repeated myself in Spanish. He begrudgingly started moving the bags of beans around. This was it. The United States government had officially lost it ’ s mind. An ultra patriarchal administration had gotten a super majority, and the country was on track to have more prohibitions than Saudi Arabia. Not sure what they think freedom means, but with these bans, they are pissing a lot of people off. And making a some people, like myself very rich. 
 
 “ Pablo, vamanos! ” I shouted. I wasn ’ t the only one who dropped everything to come to Columbia and buy up coffee and cocaine. Why coke too, fuck, if I ’ m gon na be a dealer, I might as well slang. Plus all the focus on coffee had pushed down the price of cocaine, so scooping some up now and waiting for prices to normalize could net me a few million. 
 
 About 100 meters to my left there was a rusting in the bushes. I slung around the AK-47 on my back and shouldered it. The dock was down a secluded dirt road, but it was exactly what smugglers were looking for, so someone trying to steal a load wasn ’ t uncommon. 
 
 Seconds dragged by. Nothing. The slight hum of insects took over the airwaves. Time to get the fuck out of here. I ran to the boat and fired up the engine. The load wasn ’ t well covered, but I can deal with that when I get fuel in Baja California. 
 
 I ’ ve got a long trip ahead of me, might as well flip on the BBC on the shortwave radio... ” Thousands dead today as protests in Washington DC turn violent. President Reginald today signed into law ten new prohibitions, including alcohol, tobacco, chewing gum, soda, and fried foods. Bans on semi automatic firearms remain stalled in Congress. While the protests of these bans have been going on since coffee was banned two years ago in 2026, as they now turn violent, it has some questioning if the US might be in the brink of civil war. ” 
 
 Oh shit. I hope I come home and have a customer base to sell to. The radio goes dead silent for a moment. 
 
 “ Breaking news! ” A different announcer cuts in. “ In the wake of the the new round of prohibitions eleven southern states have declared their secession from the United States of America. ” 
 
 Oh dis gon be gud.
