[ PI ] Stella - FirstChapter - 4109 Words

I like the story and think there's a lot of potential to explore the corporate and romantic intrigue. A few things you might want to do to punch up the writing: 
 
 There are some typos that you should fix. M & A is mergers and acquisitions. It is wrought iron not rot iron. And chances instead of changes. Also, I think the spelling is Jacques, but sounds like Jock. 
 
 I would also like to get more detail on the deal Jonas is trying to land ( buying Olson? becoming the sole provider of their fashion? something else? ). I think the more you know about that as the writer, the more it will help flesh out some of the details of the story in a way that is more show than tell. 
 
 Lastly, I think that if you use Paris as a setting, you need to treat it as a character. It's the most famous romantic city in the world. So you should set the cafe in a neighborhood, give it a name and details that correspond to its supposed location. The sights should be the sites: Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre, Champs Elysees, etc. Jonas' story in Paris should be as much about him and a city he does n't really know but has a lot of potential as it is about him.and Adina ( unless there's a Stella somewhere else down the line ).
