[ WP ] A man confessing his sins in the booth .

`` I forgot to pay with exact change at the sushi restaurant'' Stephen said, tears falling down his face. 
 
 `` My son, that's not a sin. Mistakes happen and I'm sure they did n't mind''. This was the eighth time this week Stephen had come in. 
 
 `` I went to do laundry and I forgot to bring my work pants and then I wore those pants to work later that night and they were dirty''. He was weeping. His breath was coming in short little pants and the priest could hear his body shutter in the tiny booth. 
 
 `` Perhaps you can take time right now to do the rest of your laundry''? the priest inquired, hoping Stephen would leave. 3 hours. He had to listened to this bullshit for 3 hours already. Stephen turned the page in his notebook. 
 
 `` I'm not done confessing father. Oh god, I have truly done evil today''. Stephen blew his nose. It sounded like a trumpet being crushed by a fat woman. The priest was sure he had n't seen a tissue through the window.'I'm going to have to burn this confessional today' he thought sullenly. Then he thought that might be a sin. He would check up on that later. 
 
 `` I looked at this woman today, and she had tight pants on, and my little Stevie began to... wonder... if you know what I'm saying? And I - 
 
 `` SINNER!'' The priest screamed. He put a little more behind it than he should have but, Jesus Christ, this was his chance. His only chance. His best chance this week. He would take it. No mercy, no prisoners. 
 
 `` My son, you have sinned against God and all the company of heaven. Go home. Do not come back until you have repented. Six hund... 7 thousand Hail Marys and self flagellation.'' 
 
 `` But father, I already did flage-'' 
 
 `` DO IT AGAIN. My son, if you do n't take up your punishment at this very instant you are doomed to hell FOR ALL ETERNITY''. Stephen got up and out of the booth so fast he broke a hinge on the door. The priest was impressed by his speed. He had cleared the length of the church in less than four seconds. The priest was smiling as he turned around to walk back to his office. An older woman sitting in the front pew shook her head disapprovingly.'Dont judge me you old slut' the priest thought. Then he felt guilty. Then he realized he did n't care. He had Candy Crush to play and the Rabbi next door was eight levels ahead.
