[ WP ] You are brought forward in time by freedom fighters , in order to stop an evil dictator from taking over the world . When you ask why they chose you to help them , they explain that the dictator is your future self .

I blink as the conference room goes quiet. 
 
 `` Wait a minute, that ca n't be right.'' 
 
 `` I know this is hard to believe, but our data is indisputable. 15 years from when we picked you up, you attend an extremist rally, for some reason become convinced this group is the only one that has a chance to save the world. From there, you rise quickly to the top of that group and little by little increase it's popularity.'' She's reading from a tablet like the ones we have in my time. `` Then in 2035 your group organizes a coup and you become --'' 
 
 `` What's the name of the group?'' I ca n't help being curious. 
 
 `` The Pastafarians.'' A collective shudder sweeps the room. 
 
 Well that does seem like a group I'd join, but still. 
 
 `` Anyway,'' says Nelly, getting back to her tablet, `` you organize a coup, put yourself in power, dissolve the Assembly, and lay the grounds for what will become the most ruthless genocide..'' 
 
 `` What?! *Genocide*? Are you fucking kidding me?!'' 
 
 Her eyes are sad as she lifts them towards me. `` Kidding you? I saw my family die at the hands of your special forces for what they believed in. No, Sam, I'm not kidding you.'' 
 
 `` But I'm a buddhist.'' 
 
 A bespectacled fellow raises a hand: `` Our data shows that 2014 saw the peak of the Phoney Balloney Religion Trend, when people identified themselves as part of a religion they actually knew nothing about.'' 
 
 I shuffle my feet awkwardly. Honestly, he's not that far from the truth. I read the first chapter of the Great Book Of Life And Death, and that's about it. 
 
 `` Well then, I'm a pacifist.'' 
 
 `` Look, son, I'm sure you are as of right now but in the future you become one bad motherfucker.'' 
 
 This big black guy has an `` SJ Jackson'' nametag and a eerily familiar face. I begin to feel a little helpless. 
 
 `` But, guys,.. I mean, I've never actively hurt anyone. I've never even been in a fight, I do n't *like* violence.'' 
 
 Nelly sighs. 
 
 `` Sam, I know this is hard to believe, but accept it. Even though you're not right now, you become an asshole in later years. This is fact.'' She adds as I open my mouth to protest. `` Now, will you help us or not?'' 
 
 `` Of course! I'll do what I can. But..'' 
 
 `` Alright, so here's the plan. The SPF - that's an acronym for..'' 
 
 `` Wait, stop. I still ca n't believe it.'' 
 
 I can tell Nelly's getting short of patience. She reaches in her desk and pulls out a file. 
 
 `` Here. Look at these. They're rare pictures that were taken without the SPF's knowledge. I hope they'll convince you of the level of atrocities happening here.'' 
 
 I tentatively open the folder and behold a blurry picture of a man standing before a pit while another man in a uniform raises a gun behind him. 
 
 `` I ca n't. This is too much. I believe you.'' 
 
 `` Ok, great. Now, the plan --'' 
 
 `` But why am I even killing these people?'' 
 
 She looks at me long and hard. This is bringing back painful memories, but I need to know. Eventually, Nelly sighs. 
 
 `` A difference in ideology. All these people,'' She taps the folder, `` died because they cut their pasta instead of twirling it around their fork.'' 
 
 
 

