[ WP ] You really want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich . You only have crunch peanut butter . You hate crunchy peanut butter . Tell me a narrative drama of a man put in this heart wrenching situation , and his journey for the lunch he truly desires . I expect to be moved to tears .

This is my life. This is the life that I lived. I'm sitting here, dying from a heart attack, and would you fucking believe it. My life is flashing before my eyes. I can not wait to die. 
 
 Let me tell you, this bit right here, it's not even the worst bit. I'm pretty sure I should of died right after I asked out Alicia in the 8th grade and she rejected me. I did n't though. I was pretty content on dying at that moment when I went home after crying in front of her for what seemed like 10 minutes. 
 
 Alas, I was not so lucky. Here I am, dying. Watching myself do all this stupid shit. Who the fuck knew you would literally see your whole life? I mean, your whole fucking life? You do n't even get to skip the sleeping parts. You're just watching yourself sleep. Fucking creepy. Who ever I'm going to meet in the next few decades is going to have some real explaining to do. 
 
 
 Look at me now, there I am. High as fuck, in this shitty little apartment, with no heater and taps that do n't work. 
 
 What the fuck am I doing? Holy shit. I'm making a sandwhich. Wow, the epitome of my life here folks. I am watching myself make a fucking sandwich. If only this little cunt would hurry up and finish it so we can get back to watching tv. 
 
 
 What the fuck is that shit? Is that fucking... Is that crunchy peanut butter? Why the fuck did you buy that you idiot? You hate that shit... 
 
 Why did I buy that? - Ah yes, I was too busy checking out that blonde in the same aisle as me. Should of asked her out you dumbass, she was staring back. 
 
 
 He's still holding the knife. Why is he still holding the knife? He ca n't be planning to make a sandwhich. There's only one time I ate a crunchy peanut butter sandwhich. Literally, I just watched that moment a while ago and I hated it through the view. 
 
 Hold on- I'm going to turn the volume up. 
 
 `` Maybe, Maybe I could smooth it out with a spoon'' 
 
 Seriously? This is what I was thinking? Man. This weed was probably real good, I ca n't remember this shit. 
 
 `` Where the fuck are the spoons?'' 
 In the drawer you dumbass. 
 
 `` Ah shit, it's not fucking working. I just got crunchy shit all over my spoon.'' 
 
 Pretty insightful there Mike. Why do n't you just take a jar of mayonnaise and eat it. I'd die faster. 
 
 `` I'll blend it! Man Mike, you are pretty darn smart.'' 
 
 Did I just say darn? Fucking hell... 
 
 `` Where's the blender?'' 
 
 
 Holy shit. Holy shit this is a joke. I'm watching a joke. This is n't me. I was n't this dumb. This is n't even that long ago. 
 
 `` Ah man, here it is. Just scoop it in and bwahhhh. Blended smooth peanut butter. *Smooooooth Operattooooor~*'' 
 
 
 Just do it already. Just fucking blend it - Ah there we go. Blended. 
 
 
 `` Cool man, cool cool cool. I got this shit. I got this smooth shit. Get the knife, put it on the bread. Ah ye ah ye ah ye.'' 
 
 
 Put the knife in your fucking jugular and kill me already. I swear to god if I wake up halfway through this fucking heart attack to some paramedic reviving me, I'll do it to myself, and then I'll do it to him for reviving me. 
 
 `` Ah man that looks good. That looks so damn good, where's that other slice? Ah. Ah ha ha. It's in my hand. Ha ha ha.'' 
 
 Advert's over, let's finish this up and get back to the TV Mike. 
 
 `` Dude are you fucking kidding? Are you kidding me man? There's no fucking Jam man? Where's the Jam!'' 
 
 This. This is Hell is n't it? There's no fucking fiery pit of molten lava. You just have to watch yourself be a complete an utter retard for a whole fucking lifetime until you're granted the satisfaction of dying. My word.
