[ WP ] You discover that the incredible technology that 's been released in the last few years is n't the product of science as it 's been made to appear , but instead a product of magic

`` You're telling me Jobs is a wizard?'' 
 
 `` Yes, yes, exactly!'' 
 
 Something about this guy's fevered look does n't sit right with me. His face is bulging out in all the wrong places. But, then again, when you're a tech journalist and you get a lead hinting at a massive conspiracy that encompasses the entire global mobile devices market, you have to at least take a look. 
 
 Still I had no idea I'd find a complete kook. Walmart could run out of tinfoil, making hats for this guy. I took a sip from my chai latte. 
 
 ``... and that the only way these smartphones are able to exist is through some sort of multidimensional rift that exists inside each of our pockets?'' 
 
 `` Well not inside our pockets per se, it's actually built into the chassis of the gorilla glass, if you inspect you'd find the runes-'' 
 
 `` -listen, buddy.'' I sighed in exasperation, `` You're wasting my time. iPhones are not magic.'' A flustered look, a frown... his manic eyes darted back and forth as if he was reaching deep into the crevices of his asshole to throw me some bullshit, any bullshit, whatever he could digest and defecate in that psychotic little head of his before I walked out the d- 
 
 `` I can prove it to you!'' he cried out. Loud enough that everyone in the dainty little coffeehouse could hear. 
 Well, I'd already wasted two hours, and I was n't looking to get a tongue lashing from my editor for coming back empty handed on a Monday, so why not humor him for just another 45 minutes? That's another 45 minutes I wo n't need to proofread that stupid article about the rezoning laws that Mary dumped on my desk. 
 
 `` Go for it.'' 
 
 `` I'd... I'd need your iPhone.'' His voice had dropped to a whisper. `` And... there's no going back.'' 
 
 I rolled my eyes. Whatever. I imagined he'd download some stupid conspiracy app or something. Maybe I could at least put out a story based on whatever startup was able to fool this guy into thinking the laughable notion that smartphones were *magic*. 
 
 I slipped out my 5S and handed it to him. He clasped it with his dirty, gloved hands and long, fraying fingernails, held it close to his chest and started mumbling something... in a language that... I could n't quite place. It sounded unsettling. 
 
 `` Hey,'' I reached out to him, `` Okay that's enough of that. I need my phone b-'' 
 
 `` Klaatu! Niktos! R'lyeh!'' he screamed, and before I knew it he threw my iPhone to the ground! A sickening crunch, followed by the crackle of broken glass... that was all I needed to hear. I was gon na throttle this guy. 
 But before I could reach him, before I could even grab him by the collar, suddenly, we were all immersed in a blinding light... 
 
 * * * 
 
 `` And that was the last thing I remember before I ended up here.'' 
 
 The young man was disheveled, scared, and although scanning through his memories as he told me his story revealed no cracks in his sanity - he had not had time to glean enough information from the summoner - it was still a mistake for him to be here, here in the depths of ancient R'lyeh. 
 
 `` So, um...'' the journalist looked into our temporary and false form. ``... Mr. Jobs, are you... are you really a wizard?'' 
 
 We gave him a kind smile and rolled up the sleeves of the false form's black turtleneck, crouching down I pinched his cheek lightly, as if he were my nephew - some clinging crumb of the sacrificed husk of humanity which we now inhabited reminded me that `` nephew'' meant a young child of my brother's... But we had long forgotten the nature of human relationships. One of the many things we had to sacrifice to escape oblivion. 
 `` Oh child...'' we adjusted the rimless spectacles attached to the visage of the false form, not an accessory but just an inorganic extension of the ghoulish illusion of what was once a man, nothing but sewed up bits of dead, cancerous flesh and steel wire, given the vigor of life through our majesty. We comforted the snack with what... what was it? A... `` laugh''? 
 
 `` Child... I am not Steve Jobs.'' 
 
 And then I showed him our true form.
