[ WP ] After brushing your teeth in the morning you go downstairs to fry an egg , but when you try the frying pan buzzes at you and text appears reading , `` level 18 cooking required to use object '' .

I hate update fridays. Here I thought I could make myself a nice special breakfast but no, apparently some pencil pushing bureaucrat with delusions of grandeur decided that the new weekly update required a complete overhaul of the cooking leveling system with new level caps. Ugh... must be a newly promoted manager with artistic inspiration who wanted to leave his mark on the life leveling system. Ever since EA bought out the friendly life leveling system it's been nothing but a serie of disaster after disaster. Like the time the ~~assholes in charge~~ *powers that be* decided that standing and walking now required a level 3 general movement capacity insted of the old level 2. Apparently focus groups felt it would make for a safer walking experience. Fucking bullshit, took me 3 hours of toe grinding before I could get out of bed that morning. 
 
 Where was I going with this?.. Oh yeah, freaking eggs. Where is the damn patch FAQ document? 
 
 **DING** 
 
 *New quest available: retrieve life system update FAQ from mailbox* 
 
 Oh, great timing guys!, You know for once it would be nice to actually receive it BEFORE you implement the updates! Allright, accept quest, lets go get the mail. 
 
 *********************** 
 
 **BUZZ** 
 
 *Opening door now requires level 14 strenght* 
 
 Oh come one! You got ta be shitting me! Stupid door, move damn it! 
 
 ******************** 
 
 **PUNCH DOOR, 1 DAMAGE** 
 
 **BUZZ** 
 
 *Opening door now requires level 14 strenght* 
 
 *************** 
 
 **PUNCH DOOR, 1 DAMAGE** 
 
 **BUZZ** 
 
 *Opening door now requires level 14 strenght* 
 
 **************** 
 
 Son of a bitch!!! 
 
 **PUNCH DOOR, 1 DAMAGE** 
 
 **DING** 
 
 *LEVEL UP, strenght level 14* 
 
 Finally!.... stupid life system, it was supposed to make it easier, not turn into this stupid grinding simulator. 
 
 ************************ 
 
 > Morning Jerry! 
 
 Oh hey Fred. 
 
 > You seen the update this morning? 
 
 Yeah, ca n't even fry a damn egg and I had to level up to open the stupid door. How ridiculous is that? 
 
 > No shit right? Could n't even open the fridge this morning, it now requires level 8 dexterity. Fucking joke right? Now I have to get to work on an empty stomach. 
 
 **BUZZ** 
 
 *Accessing car now requires level 19 intelligence* 
 
 > Oh for fuck's sake! 
 
 Well, have a good one Fred. 
 
 *********************** 
 
 OK, lets see exactly what this morning's updated disaster entails. Hey why are there 2 documents in there? 
 
 *Patch update FAQ in regards to patch update FAQ document* 
 
 Due to numerous complaints to our documenting department from citizens unable to access the patch update FAQ document, dexterity skill level required to open the FAQ document enveloppe have been lowered to level 0 to insure information access to every citizen. Reading level requirements have been increased to level 25. 
 
 What? Bunch of fucking retards, everybody can open the document but almost nobody can read it. Freaking geniuses all of you.... Good thing I leveled up to a level 28 reading when I was dating this librarian chick. OK, down to the real business. 
 
 *Patch update FAQ document* 
 
 Dear user of the EA friendly life leveling system, listed below are the new upgrades implemented on friday, november the 8th 2016. We are proud to announce that the *house*, *cooking* and *vehicular* skills trees have been combined into the new *Everyday life* skills tree. 
 
 What the fuck? This makes absolutely no sens!!! Why would you do that? 
 
 We feel that this new tri-level skill tree will greatly improve the everyday user experience of our beloved citizens. Here is a partial list of modifications and level requirements. 
 
 +Operation of a stove and cooking apparatus now requires level 18 cooking skills ( up from 10 ) 
 
 +Operation a motorized vehicule now requires level 19 intelligence ( up from 9 ) 
 
 +Operation of doors and levers now requires level 14 strenght ( up from 7 ) 
 
 +Vehicular maintenance and petrol filling now requires level 22 dexterity ( up from 11 ) 
 
 +Operation of lavatory facilities now requires level 20 intelligence ( up from 7 ) 
 
 +Maximum level cap has been increased from level 60 to level 70 for all available skills 
 
 Jesus Christ, they doubled required levels for almost everything. How am I supposed to get trough my day when I ca n't even take a shit? 
 
 As always, we understand the realities faced with our citizen users and have decided to extend the generous offer of a one-time, 30 days level increase DLC for the promotional price of 899.99 $ per skill family. Please note that while the *house*, *cooking* and *vehicular* trees have been combined, available DLC packages will continue to be offered seperatly for the time being. We hope you enjoy the new modifications to the EA friendly life leveling system and wish you a good day. 
 
 Well fuck me...
