[ WP ] A Man dies and expects to go either Heaven or Hell , only to be told by an Angel that he already was in Hell and now his punishment is over

`` That was hell?!'' exclaimed an elderly gentleman, `` You're pulling my leg!'' 
 
 The Angel, wore a solemn peace on his brow, replied, `` You can come with me this way and-'' 
 
 `` So what's heaven like then?'' interrupted the senior, `` Bet it got Freida Carlson when she was smoking hot! Oh and that wild Vernon Tess, that fella's probably already got her'round his finger!'' 
 
 The Angel understood the mortal all too well, his impatience, his excitement, his - 
 
 `` Oh I betcha even Billy, good ol' Billy's up there! Prolly saving me a seat at the ol' table chatting up a storm with maybe Sinatra... Say, ol' Billy's up there ai n't he, I owe him one...'' 
 
 The Angel was timeless, unrestricted patience, he allowed his guest to continue. 
 
 `` Gee whiz, I wonder what's for dinner, Mary sure fed me a whole lotta nothin'. Maybe, a nice pot roast? With a beer! Alright! I'm ready! Let's go bright fella!'' 
 
 The Angel needed nothing to say, he directed the man to follow him. 
 
 As they walked together, to the old man's disbelief, Heaven was a whole lot of nothing after all. He began to understand that all he longed for was the imperfections: the gross architecture of Miss Carlson's promiscuity; the intense rivalry with Mr. Tess; lasting survivalmanship, for the lack of a better word, a deep friendship forged by shared suffering; all these things was hell for him and he sure got used to it. 
 
 All except Mary's cooking. That was heaven after all.
