[ WP ] Scientists invent a device that measures people 's hope in life and their will to live from a scale of 1 to 100 . Your number is 0 .

`` For fuck's sake, James. Stop it with this stupid number-labeled bullshit and follow the style guide next time.'' 
 
 James looked up as a demon gremlin child straight from Hell popped out of the sky from an inky, black portal. The creature grimaced morbidly at the strange scientist and floated over to his hope-detection machine, powered by dreadful numbers. 
 
 As it plopped itself on the detection-seat and rested its arm on the hope-detector, the numbers on the screen above the gremlin child's head shifted out of control, skipping from 1 to 99 to 23 to 42 to 365 to 420. Eventually, it happened. 
 
 The device stopped at 0. 
 
 James looked over and scratched his head, biting into a slice of delicious Domino's pizza. Now available with kosher cheese and gluten-free sausages. Upgrade with a bottle of coke and an order of breadsticks for only 2.99. Domino's. It's just good pizza. 
 
 The imp smiled and smirked at the same time, stretching its lips to unreasonable proportions. James hardly raised an eyebrow. 
 
 `` You already dead or something? I designed the thing to work for humans only. So, any error's just my shitty Java programming or you fucking it up.'' 
 
 James pulled up the Hope-Detector programming on his stolen Macbook Pro and searched around the clunky, piece of shit interface for the file. Sure enough, there it was. The shitty Java error report did in fact report back with a peculiar off-by-one error. 
 
 Before James could fix it however, the Imp pulled out a machete and began smashing the expensive piece of garbage to death. The steely, grass-worked blade bled with leaked lithium and battery acid as the stranger laughed maniacally. 
 
 `` Hey, what the hell, kid?'' James whined, `` I was trying to fix that thing up for the fifteenth test group tomorrow.'' 
 
 `` Fool! Everyone knows that numbers are a hallmark of the shitty American science community!'' 
 
 `` Actually, I'm Canadian.'' 
 
 `` Whatever! Real scientists used colored levels anyway!'' 
 
 The demon gremlin child pulled out their My Kiddo's First Tablet tablet and got straight to work by ripping coding off of Github and pasting it to Eclipse. A few keystrokes later, and the fucking number system was replaced with colors as any real researcher would do. 
 
 But James was not a real researcher and he was even more confused, `` But, how will I tell people that they have an extremely high will to live?'' 
 
 ``... By telling them that?'' 
 
 James shook his head, `` No, no. How do I tell them a specific measurement?'' 
 
 `` Colored levels.'' 
 
 `` What about numbered levels?'' 
 
 The imp groaned loudly and then broke the tablet over the researcher's head. It licked its lips and got to work, grafting off the young man's skin like a fine layer of glue on construction paper. Its clawed hands scraped generously at meat pudding as if the hands belonged to a monkey picking at its ears. 
 
 There was a strange aroma of euphoria amidst in the room as the ink handled its grisly works. Blood was its paint and the floors were its canvas. Its long, lanky arms etched and sketched around the floors as its nose was hit with the delightful aroma that the rotten corpse of James now secreted. 
 
 Around itself, the Imp saw bright flashes of wild colors. Of emerald greens and rosy reds, of gilded yellows and blooming blues. Finally, it struck for inspiration. It went for gold. Gone south for winter. 
 
 It tore out its own bleeding intestine for more red and scrawled neatly on the floors. Neat enough that by the time the other hope researchers had returned, they too would find themselves marveling at the imp's artwork of human bones and men's misery. 
 
 There on the floor, it read clearly. 
 
 `` Fuck the Numbers. Praise the rainbow. Taste the rainbow. Feed the rainbow.''
