[ WP ] Michael , a 15 year old Call of Duty player , realizes the greatest trash-talking opportunity of all time . Over his headset , he recognizes his opponent 's voice as that of President Obama .

You'd think that the Secret Service would have some clue about combat tactics, but apparently not. They were all bunched up around the President as bullet shields, and were n't even moving while Obama did his best to line up a sniper shot. One grenade was all it took, giving me an amazing killstreak and finally earning me a gunship. 
 
 `` Very good move, XxXBlahzeItFahGetXxX,'' a voice came over the mic. He pronounced `` Blahze'' as `` blasé'' and `` Fahget'' like a Bostonian trying to say `` Forget.'' But I hardly even noticed that at the time because I realized *it was Barack FUCKING Obama! * `` You really got me there.'' 
 
 I was too excited to even contain myself. Holy crap, what an opportunity! I could *make history* here; this was my modern-day Boston Tea Party! I was wracked with indecision: what slur do I start with? Racial would be the obvious choice, but he's probably desensitized to it by now. Maybe some good `` pillowbiters'' and the classic standby `` faggot.'' But those are all just so... played out. I needed something brand new. Something that would *wow* everyone when the audio was eventually released. Speaking of which, I ordered the in-game recording to start. 
 
 Finally, I had it. The perfect insult. `` Hey, Obama!'' I said into the mic. `` Get ready to get rekt, you fucking queer...'' 
 
 `` Shut your pre-pubescent little fuckwad mouth!'' he shouted back. `` I'm going to fuck your mom so hard tonight that you'll *retroactively* become black! She wo n't be able to sit down for *weeks*. You think I'm kidding, you little bitch? I'm the most powerful man on the planet!'' What followed was the most horrendous tirade of slurs and insults that I'd ever heard in my entire life. I could n't have interrupted even if I wanted to. It was like the man did n't even stop to take a breath for Christ's sake. He was still shouting at me even after the game ended, and I could just barely hear the secret service agents laughing in the background. 
 
 I quit the game, and my phone rang almost immediately showing my best friend's number on the caller ID. He was never going to believe what had happened. 
 
 `` Hey Ja...'' 
 
 `` Yeah, you thought it was your gay lover Jason, did n't you, faggot? Well it's not, bitch! I've got the NSA on my side, what have you... *click*'' I hung up on the President. He tried calling back as Jason again. Then as my grandmother. Then as the girl I had a crush on. I silenced the phone and threw it behind my bed and ran downstairs. 
 
 Mom was in the living room on her iPad. As soon as I entered, she jumped up and gave me a hug. `` You're never going to believe it,'' she said. `` We just received *an invitation to visit the White House* next week!'' She showed me the email with the official.gov address and everything. `` We're going to get to meet with President Obama!'' she told me. `` And it even says that he wants to'have a one-on-one session' with me *personally*!'' 
 
 I backed away slowly in horror, then ran up the stairs and bolted into my room. I fished my phone out from behind my bed and checked: 17 missed calls, and one text message. 
 
 > Yeah, you thought I was just shit-talking, did n't you? See you soon, bitch. 
 
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