[ WP ] A Man dies and expects to go either Heaven or Hell , only to be told by an Angel that he already was in Hell and now his punishment is over

As I lay in the filthy alley behind my favorite Chinese restaurant and bled, my life flashed before my eyes. When I came to, it was n't the first thing I thought of. No, my eyes had focused on the'snow'. Although not much traffic came through the alley, most of the snow was packed down. my gaze focused on one spot, about a foot from my eyes. There was a footprint in the soot-blackened snow, and I could actually see some white shining through. There were beads of used cooking oil frozen and clotted throughout the print as well, bringing to mind puss oozing from an untreated infection. I could pick out the colors every two seconds, when the neon light flashed from red to a pale yellow. 
 
 I know it sounds cliche, but thinking over my time on earth one final time seemed preferable to looking at that depressing imprint in the snow. If not less depressing, at least a little less... immediate. 
 
 Did you know that one in six people suffer through sexual abuse at some time? That seems low to me. My father ran off when I was three, and my mother died when I was four. Out of the seven foster homes and two group homes I was in, four of them were nightmares. I wo n't go into specifics; I learned not to dwell long ago. 
 
 Well, it took time to learn not to dwell. I could n't hold a job long, so I depended on men. And they needed something in return. It was difficult to give that, so I used drugs. Meth, crack, whatever was there. The men came and went, but the high was always there waiting. 
 
 But I got myself clean. At nearly thirty, I saw one of my boyfriends kill a family during a robbery. Young wife, handsome man, two young kids. Killed them all. For two hundred and thirty seven dollars and a flip-phone. I ran. He was caught, but he had been so cranked out of his mind, he never did mention me. He joined a skinhead gang in prison and was killed two years later. He never did know I was pregnant with his child, but I miscarried anyway. 
 
 But during that brief period, the shock of what I saw and the surprise pregnancy did something to me. I cleaned up. Got a temp job at a chemical company, printing lables for matchbooks. Stayed clean, even moved up to an office position after six years on the floor. I had to sleep with the married director, but he was n't as bad as some of the men I'd lived with on the streets ( or my third foster'father' ). 
 
 The office job was soul crushing. Same thing every day, same rubber faces walking by my cubicle, same stench of sulfur and sweat coming off the factory floor. I earned enough to live in a singe bedroom apartment; not far from here. I had a cat, lucky, who provided some comfort. I smoked two packs a day of the generics, which I'd run out of earlier in the evening. So I came out to buy smokes and decided to cut through the alley behind the Six Happy Dragons here. 
 
 I should have known better. The guy shooting up behind the dumpster saw my fake-leather overcoat ( from Goodwill ) and my dollar store work pumps and thought I had money. He did n't even ask; I guess he was so fucked up he could n't spit out the words anyway. He stabbed me in the lower back and took my purse. I hit my head on a dirty cinder-block on the way down, I think. I woke up halfway behind the dumpster. 
 
 I ca n't feel my legs at all. I just feel cold. My focus keeps going back to the snow. How can something so beautiful, so full of light and joy, become so corrupted? So blackened and dirty simply from contact with the world? Snow is formed in the clouds, high above the earth. It rides the wind down through the crystal clear air... I've heard each snowflake is unique. But then... this greasy footprint, slowly turning red with the stain of my blood... How had it fallen so far? 
 
 My eyes drifted shut and I could n't find the strength to open them again. I briefly wondered if there was anything... after. Then I felt so warm again, more comfortable than I had been since my second birthday. I had n't thought of that time for so long. Only a small cake and one gift, but everyone had been happy. At night, I had crawled into my parents bed after they were asleep and snuggled in deep under the blankets, wearing my brand new princess pajamas. 
 
 The light flickered on the back of my eyelids, Red... then white... red... white... then nothing. 

