[ WP ] There are 8 billion souls . When people die their souls are put into a queue for reincarnation . In the year 2030 there are more people alive than souls .

`` You want me to do *what* now?'' 
 
 I was incredulous about this entire thing. I mean, sure, I knew we were having an issue with the whole soul to people ratio, but I never guessed it was *this* bad. 
 
 `` We need you to become a human for a little bit.'' Michael said it like he was talking to an aggravated beaver. 
 
 I could n't believe this was happening. Not again. 
 
 `` I mean... No, that's absolutely *not* a thing I'm going to do. Why would I do that? I *already did that*.'' 
 
 `` Exactly!'' Michael exclaimed, as though this whole issue was solved just like that. `` You've already done it! No other unearthly being has ever been! We would n't know the first thing about fitting in!'' He shot me a smile filled with gratitude. `` So you'll do it?'' 
 
 `` I -- no, no I wo n't do it. Where in that statement did I ever say I would do it? Do you know what happened last time I went? They killed me, Michael. They like... Stabbed me, beat me up, the whole shebang. Thanks but no thanks. Absolutely not. I was promised a sweet little gig up here when I was done. And I am done. And I am *not* going back.'' I tried to hold firm. I mean, why in God's holy name *would* I go? I was n't a soul that reincarnated. I was up here, hanging out while everyone was either doing afterlife-office work or living down below. And I *deserve* this position. When the Big Man himself walked into the break room and said that one of us, his special team, was going to have to go down there and be tortured and murdered, no one wanted to. Do you think I wanted to? No. But I did it. And I got a cushy job as the guy who hangs out while everyone else works as a reward. 
 
 I. Am. Not. Going. Back. 
 
 `` Alright Jesus, here's the thing. You probably do n't even remember *doing* this, you spent so much time drunk --'' 
 
 I cut him off. `` Do n't knock alcohol til you try it. I was just trying to squeeze as much in before I had to come back.'' 
 
 `` I get that, but listen -- you told them you would come back. Like, you made a big deal about it.'' 
 
 `` I did?'' 
 
 `` Several times. So even if you *didn't* go now, you would *have* to go eventually. You promised. And now, it's convenient for you to go! We're out of souls, and you are the weakest link on the team. It *has* to be you. Plus, you could split the faith again! And that makes more religion, which makes more people murdering each other, and bada bing, bada boom, ratio problem solved!'' 
 
 `` Yeah but that sounds like a terrible idea, is the problem. What are we doing with all the babies who've been born since this all started?'' 
 
 `` SIDS rate has gone up.'' 
 
 `` Can we not just make more souls or something?'' I whined. 
 
 `` If we did, there would be budget cuts. And budget cuts mean some people have to be let go. And you know, the people doing the least work *normally* go first,'' he said, shooting me a particularly pointed look. I do n't like that look. 
 
 `` If I go back, do I get the cool powers and stuff?'' 
 
 `` Totally.'' 
 
 ``... Can I get with someone this time?'' 
 
 `` That would kind of ruin your image as the Messiah and --'' 
 
 I held up a hand. `` You want me to split Christianity? Give me some *controversy*. Controversy in the form of a cute brunette.'' 
 
 Michael pinched the bridge of his nose. 
 
 `` Fine, I'll talk to the boss about it. You'll do it?'' 
 
 `` Can I get a better country this time? One with more water and less camel shit everywhere?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, all the religious fanatics are in a new country further west. It's called America. You'll get a recap in school when you go.'' 
 
 I stopped him again. `` *If* I go. There's more. You have to promise me, *swear* to me, that I do n't get tortured again. That sucked. Like, a lot. That cross thing? Yeah, it's shit. If I see a damn cross, I'm going to nail you to it.'' 
 
 He rolled his eyes at me, sighed, and glanced at his watch. 
 
 `` If you had paid any attention to the planet over the last few centuries, you would *know* how much it's changed. Barely anyone does the torture stuff anymore.'' 
 
 I crossed my arms. `` So there are still people who do it, then?'' 
 
 `` For the love of -- you wo n't get tortured. Just do it, alright?'' For the first time, he actually said it like he was begging and not as though it was a command. 
 
 I uncrossed my arms and sighed. I had known from the beginning that I did n't have a choice. 
 
 Michael saw my resignation and took a deep breath. `` Finally,'' he let out, `` I'll go talk to your new parents. I'll send you down when I'm done, but I probably wo n't see you before you go.'' He scratched at his neck awkwardly and held out his hand. `` Good luck?'' 
 
 `` Fuck off,'' I said before grasping his hand. He grinned at me, and just like that he was gone. 
 
 I went down to the window to Earth and looked out while I waited. Michael was right; it had changed. As I looked down, my vision started to tunnel and I knew it was happening. 
 
 Eight months later, I finally got my second first glimpse of the world. I looked around. `` Not too shabby,'' I decided, `` much better than the barn.'' 
 
 To my right, a door with a window into another part of the building. I could see a sign that read `` St. Vincent's Hospital''. 
 
 `` Nice,'' I thought, `` honoring my saints.'' 
 
 To my left, a window to the outside world. And there, just to the side of the window, I could see a dark shape. 
 
 A fucking cross. 
 
 I'm going to kill Michael.
