[ WP ] Humans suddenly react to parsley with the same wide range of behaviour that cats exhibit to catnip ...

Suburbina, NJ 
 April 20, 2015: 
 
 `` What do you kids want?'' the upperclassman asked of the young boys. 
 
 `` Um, we'll take one.'' said one of them. 
 
 `` One what? A dub?'' he replied. 
 
 `` Y-yeah. One of those.'' 
 
 `` Twenty bucks.'' 
 
 One of the boys handed him the money. 
 
 `` Alright, wait here.'' 
 
 Jackpot, he thought to himself. These kids do n't know bud from parsley. And when he went inside, that's exactly what he filled one of his little gram bags with. He went back out and handed it to them. 
 
 `` Here you go, do n't use it all at once.'' 
 
 One of the boys' parents' house was empty, and they went back there to get high for their first time. One boy opened the bag to take a wiff of that dank weed. 
 
 `` Oh man, this is good herb!'' 
 
 `` How do you know? Neither of us have done this before!'' 
 
 `` No man... this is good. Like...'' 
 
 There was a long pause. 
 
 `` Like...'' 
 
 The other boy went to smell it as well. 
 
 `` Holy shit! Holy...'' 
 
 ``... holy shit...'' 
 
 This went down in history as the first reported case of Petroselinum Crispum Hypersensitivity, a disorder which, within an extremely short time-frame, would come to affect 98 % of the population and change not just the drug trade, but society as a whole. 
 
 -- -- 
 
 Baltimore, MD 
 March 10, 2017 
 
 A lone gunman walks down a familiar block in the ghetto, shotgun casually in hand. Everyone here knows him by name. Everyone here knows exactly what to do when he comes around. 
 
 He whistles an old nursery rhyme as he passes by the houses, some of which are boarded up but have occupants regardless. He stops in front of one of the condemned apartments and waits for about thirty seconds. That's an unusually long time for him to have to stand around. 
 
 `` You never known me to be one to wait yo.'' he says. 
 
 Another ten seconds passes. Out from the second story window falls a double-vacuum sealed container. Contents: parsley. 
 
 -- -- 
 
 Washington, DC 
 February 28th, 2036 
 
 The leader of the Ministry of Truth was was working extra hours again. It was an exceedingly difficult job to convince a nation that it had successfully eradicated an entire species of flora. Of course, there was no way to ensure extinction of the plant, but to convince the public of it was plausible. 
 
 But news of a rogue plant would pop up here and there, making his job feel impossible at times. Tonight was one of those nights. 
 
 He opened his desk drawer and emptied all the files out. Underneath was a small a vacuum sealed chest which he removed and took out to the center of the room. He laid out a blanket and locked the door. He could feel a nervous sensation rush up into his face as he anticipated what he was about to do. He opened up the box and moved his face towards it. 
 
 He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, and he was n't quite sure what he was worried about just a minute ago. He started to giggle as the corners of the blanket started to seem irresistibly amusing to him. 
 
 -- --
