[ WP ] Every sentient species in the universe receives a Jesus figure from God . It turns out humanity was the only species to torture and crucify him . You 're an ambassador priest informing the Inter-Galactic Holy Church what your species did .

January 16th, 0001 AC/ 2021 AD 
 
 It's been little over two weeks since first contact. It was just like in the movies. They came in flying saucers and were little grey hunanoid things with big black oval eyes. They had retractable bird like wings and talked in an advanced form of telepathy, that used your own mind, your own internal monologue to converse with you. 
 
 Within the few weeks they've undermined Einstein's theory of relativity's'c is the speed limit of the universe' part by showing it did n't take account of some physics in the universe that we were n't able to observe here on earth, advanced quantum theory from it's infancy stages and even unified it. It was a new golden era for scientists of all kind. 
 
 I, Scott Walker, had been in the news recently claiming the aliens were actually the Angels of the bible. After all they came here to collect their imprisoned brethren in Area 51 and to spread their religion, which was similar to the Abrahamics faiths of today, with some differences. And they'd asked the president for me to be an ambassador priest to their Inter-Galactic church. 
 
 I was blown away. I did n't think they took notice of my 15 minutes of fame while I was being interviewed by FOX news. It was evidence enough for me that they were in fact the celestial children of God. 
 
 I was being escorted by a CIA operative, who I assumed was there to gather Intel, some armed soldiers and a camera crew to document everything. 
 
 The first thing I noticed while walking to the Galctic Pope for the hearing was that the black holy books laying on some of the pews had gilded letters that said'Do n't Panic', which made me wonder who might be panicking in a church. I took a seat the motioned to and a couple of assistants put some helmet on my head, so the entire conversation could be heard, for the cameramen to record. 
 
 [ i ]'Scott Walker?' [ /i ] I asked myself in my head. Oh. They must have said that.. Right. 
 `` Yes, sir?'' I replied out loud. 
 [ i ]'Do you know why you're here?' [ /i ] it asked in a gentle tone. 
 `` No, sir, I assume it is to reveal your holy presence as proof of the Bible's legitimacy?'' I asked aloud. 
 [ i ]'No, my child, unfortunately the matter is of grave importance. The missionaries we sent, the ones that crashed in New Mexico, United States of America. The ones kept in Area designated 51.. They tell us of how you humans tortured and crucified your messiah, sent to you by God.' [ /i ] 
 
 Oh dear lord. This goes way above me. How could I tell them I'm only but a simple mechanic, who just goes to church once a week? They should have gotten the pope or the attorney general. They could probably hear all that. 
 
 
 `` Sir, the bible does mention Jesus's crucifixion and the events leading up to it.. But Jesus sacrificed himself willingly for our sins.'' I said, feeling like it was a compelling argument. 
 [ i ]'That may be so, but we can not allow such a species, unwilling to listen to the messiah, harm one of God's corporeal forms without atonement. Humans must pay with their enslavement, until they can prove they follow God closely.' [ /i ] it concluded. 
 
 This is bad. We do n't have a prayer against them. Even though they're a church, their mothership is armed with technology that makes us look like we're still in the stone ages. It'd be like fighting off Russian army in the artic, with nothing but sponges. Naked. 
 
 Beads of sweat rolled down my neck, despite the cool temperature of the room. My mouth and throat felt dry as I stammered to think of some argument to free us of our impending doom. 
 
 `` Please, Your holiness, How can you punish us for what our ancestors did? None of us were alive then. Let him who is without sin, be the first to throw a stone, right?'' I pleaded. 
 
 There was a long silence before the galactic pope started to laugh. It was thunderous and once he did it infected everyone else in the room. The galactic pope reached up and pulled off his face as though it were a mask. A simple towel came undone. It.. It was Ashton Kutcher. 
 
 [ i ]'Youve been punk'd!' [ /i ] it said in my head, as it started to laugh again. The shock slowly wore off and I realized I was on that dumb tv show, and bitter anger coursed through me. Of course Ashton Kutcher was an alien. A movie star from Iowa!? I should have known. 
 
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 
 
 Please be gentle. This is my first time.
