[ FF ] `` My greatest mistake was thinking that being alive was the same as living . ''

Sucking on a stale cigarette, black, oil-slick coffee on the table in front of him. He blew out a cloud of smoke and turned the cup in front of him. Pointing the handle at Allison. `` I know it's been a while since we talked.'' 
 
 She sighed and flipped that yellow hair over a shoulder, crossing her hands on the table and looking David straight in the eye. `` A while? You've been avoiding talking for months. I've waited and waited, David. You wake up screaming, you drink whenever you're not working, and all you do is piddle in that garage or brood in front of the TV. We have n't even made love since the first month you came home.'' 
 
 `` Woman, you have no idea what happened there. There's no way I can describe it to you in the due respect it deserves. It was gnarled and vile, but righteous and so.. I do n't know. Real.'' David dropped the cigarette in his coffee, and slid the cup away from him. `` Look, I know you waited. A year and a half. I'm grateful. I just somehow this has all been a mistake.'' 
 
 She stared at her hands, the air sweet in her lungs. The trees in bloom and the birds singing. The roar of jets and engines as the post they lived on bustled with activity. The war raged on, Wihtikow was ours.. He loved it. She knew it. Watching shuttles day in and out from fleet to earth as he sat on this very patio, same to every house in this housing labyrinth. 
 
 `` And I love you, I love you all the more. It's just that I've requested Ranger school, I think I could help make a difference for Our Boys out there. And do n't nobody deserve to have to be waiting on any of that.'' 
 
 She breathed deep, and exhaled slow. A half shaken quality to it that bordered on rage, watching her fists ball. `` Is that what you want? You gon na fuck and have kids with this monster we've made? Is it gon na hold you when you cry? Keep you warm at night? Be your friend and partner?'' She was on her feet, and she'd finally realized it. Chair flat on it's back. Her body lean and hard, that rage burning a bit brighter. 
 
 `` It's not like that. I hope one day we can meet up again, and maybe it'll work out, maybe it wo n't. I do know that getting married before I left was a mistake. One of my biggest. It was n't fair to either of us. No one should have to worry like you did. Before I left, I thought I was finally living. Life was good, even thought there was no way it could ever go wrong. Then we landed at Wihtikow, and I found out what living required. My God, I loved it. My greatest mistake was thinking that being alive was the same as living. We lived. We would n't have made it if it were n't for 4th Ranger. They dropped in their pods and brought hell and fury with that gun ship. Ol' Crows did n't stand a chance. I knew right then where I wanted to be.'' He sighed and looked up at her. 
 
 As she watched those sad blue eyes stare into hers, she sank. Beaten and bruised as she hung her head. `` You do love it.'' A soft whimper that hardened into resentment. `` You're in love with this shrine to death. The games, the books, the movies and music. Even that stupid dancing skeleton with that glass tattooed on your shoulder. My God. You're a grown man living out a twisted fantasy from childhood.'' 
 
 Sliding back his chair and rising to his feet. He reached out and brushed hair away from her face. Tucking it behind her ears in that familiar way. Cupping her face in his hands, her face so long. It did n't suit her. `` Allison, I'll always love you, but I have to do this. There's no telling if I'll come back, how long I'll be gone or how often. You ca n't live like that, and I ca n't live with you chasing a ghost.'' His throat tight, eyes welled. No, we ca n't have that. 
 
 `` I thought we were partners. We made decisions together.'' She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist, head barely reaching his chest. 
 
 `` We're so young still, and know one knows how deep this war will get. This war is for our very existence. You know they want us all dead. We've got to take this planet.'' It was the struggle that moved him. So vast, influencing the trillions of lives involved. As yet another shuttle, black as night, roared through the atmosphere, he knew where he was going.
