[ WP ] `` But why would a millionaire try to steal a novelty lighter ? ''

Officer Dylan: `` It's March sixteenth, twenty sixteen, three thirty four p.m. This recording is of the intake and the mirandization of Lewis Cartright; spelled c a r t r I g h t. 
 
 Okay, Mr. Cartright, you are being charged with poastal theft which is actually a federal crime. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you ca n't afford one, you can, but if you ca n't, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights.'' 
 Lewis: `` Yes.'' 
 Officer Dylan: `` Okay, what's going to happen now is that we're going to take you over to the jail. Tomorrow, you'll go over to the federal courthouse. You're lucky we have one in town, because if it were a long distance away, you might have to stay here for a few days before someone could find the time to take you up there. You'll go there and talk to the judge about bail. I really do n't think it'll be much, because all you took was the lighter. 
 
 Right now though, we'll give you a chance to call somebody or maybe make a statement before we collect and catalogue your belongings and send you to be photographed and printed.'' 
 Lewis: `` Okay.'' 
 Officer Dylan: `` Would you like to make a statement at this time?'' 
 Lewis: `` I really do n't think it'll help, but I really think I should talk to a lawyer first.'' 
 Officer Dylan: `` Okay, that's fine. I know you're wanting a lawyer, but can you tell me why you wanted that lighter?'' 
 Lewis: `` Well,'' He pauses and thinks for a moment, `` it's all because I'm rich. Officer Dylan, I know I had better opportunities growing up. I went to a very nice college, I was always going to private schools, and yes, my dad working for Microsoft helped me to get my own separate company off the ground. It was once a division of Microsoft. 
 
 Some people would say that what I do is n't hard work. I'm sure you and your fellow officers probably think that, but my wife would disagree. I went to work early, came home late, and was often tired in the evenings. You do n't get ahead unless you do that. After some time, I could work less, buy some vacation properties, visit the Carribian in the winter, so we did n't have to freeze up here with everybody else, but I never intentionally hurt anyone to get where I am. I did n't make a bunch of dishonest deals with crooked people, I'm just a business man. Everybody's trying to get rich. I made it, most do n't, and I know that I'm lucky. 
 
 Not long ago, some of my more extravagant purchases made it to the internet, and people started talking about me. I make privacy and data collection programs, so of course, I was accused of selling out to the NSA. Plus, the whole occupy thing happened. I had people who did n't like me. 
 
 To be honest, I thought they were just a bunch of frustrated people who wanted to stand around and yell for a while, maybe make a cute sign and wave it in the air. I could've been one of them fifteen years ago. I may have been handed everything, but it did n't feel that way with a company to run and everything resting on me. 
 It turns out that some of them are quite a bit more serious. They foundout that I use bitcoin, so one day, one of them, or a group of them, hacked my computer and copied all of my money.'' 
 Oficer Dylan: interrupting, `` I'm sorry, I do n't know much about this bitcoin thing. Can you explain that for me?'' 
 Lewis: `` Well, it's a virtual currency. You get this long series of characters that represents an amount of money. You can put it on a flashdrive, print it out on paper, whatever you want.'' 
 Officer Dylan: `` Okay, so somebody got ahold of these characters and copied them?'' 
 Lewis: `` Right, and those characters are linked to me alone which means that if someone tries to cash in that information, they are n't spending money found on the ground, it's like they found my checkbook on the ground. 
 
 I have security people, and one of them browses message boards full of these people who hate the wealthy, and some of them can get pretty nasty. He said one person posted some of my money on the message board, then he said he had a whole lot more. He said he was going to get toys made with my information printed all over them, so everyone could buy some cheap little toy and get access to all of my money. 
 
 I know a lighter is n't a toy, but there are millions of cheap novelty lighters made in China each year. That company I was at today helps people with designs, then commitions these manufacturers to make bulk loads of them. This lighter is the first finished product. It is supposed to be used to program the machines at the factory. It was actually in the outbound mail headed for China. That's why it took so long for me to find it.'' 
 Officer Dylan: `` So, this Mike Sullivan in Anderson Indiana, that's one of these hackers?'' 
 Lewis: `` It's probably an alius. These kids are smart. Do you have the lighter?'' 
 Officer Dylan: `` Yeah, it's right here.'' 
 
 Officer Dylan reaches below the desk and pulls a bag from his pocket. He brings it in to the camera's view. He dawns a pair of latex gloves and extracts a lighter made to look like a wad of money. 
 Lewis: `` Put that under magnification, and you'll see all of the characters in my bitcoin wallet. With a magnifying glass, you can see the marks, but you ca n't read them. You'll need something more powerful, but the idea was to sell those lighters on mass. Some of these hackers would buy the lighters and use the characters to take my money. I'd be broke in days.'' 
 
 Officer Dylan reaches in to a drawer, then looks in another. Finally, he finds a magnifying glass. He peers through it at the lighter. 
 Officer Dylan: `` Oh yeah! I see it! I ca n't make anything out, but I think that's an o, or maybe a zero. Yeah, okay. This might actually be something I can use. Honestly, you'll likely be told to pay restitution plus a fine. Just walk me through what happened at the main office of Flashy Products.'' 
 Lewis: `` Okay well, after I foundout about this, I commitioned some hackers of my own. It really was n't hard. Every high school has a few. One o them actually talked to the guy hiring this company to make this lighter, so I knew when it would be coming in. I just had to call and ask when the mail might show-up. 
 
 They are n't a large company, so there is n't a lot of security, so I just walked in. I told the receptionist I had talked to someone in mailing, and they were expecting me. She pointed me in the right direction. I just quietly walked in and started going through the incoming mail. 
 
 Eventually, somebody caught me and said, `` Hey, what the hell are you doing?'' 
 I just ignored them and kept going, but everybody started yelling for security. They had a couple of officers, but one guy was already calling the police. I couldnt' ffind the box. I went to the outbound mail and went through it. I found the box I was looking for. It was just the right size, so I tore it open and ran off. You guys caught me out front.'' 
 Officer Dylan: `` This definitely changes things. You did n't hurt anybody. I do n't see any other charges here, but that's really up to the prosecutor. I guess, if there's nothing else, I'll let you call your lawyer, then we'll get you over to booking.''
