[ WP ] Most dragons do n't have hoards . In fact , the only dragon who does -- the most famous one -- is a hoarder . Stage an intervention for this hoarder dragon .

`` I... I DO N'T KNOW HOW IT GOT TO THIS POINT.'' Grilgamarr shook his massive head, dropping a few gold coins from between his scales. He sighed. 
 
 `` It's okay, Grilgamarr,'' the host reassured him. `` Your friends are here to help, and this camera crew is here to document your road to recovery. You're watching Hoarder Intervention, and tonight we're featuring an actual dragon!'' 
 
 **Scene shift. An old man, a young woman, and a smaller dragon are gathered around the entrance to a cave. The younger dragon speaks. ** 
 
 `` Dad, this has gone on long enough. Until I moved out my life was a nightmare. I never had a room of my own because every time I cleared out a spot, you filled it with more crap. While my friends were out breeding or capturing their first princesses, I was guarding your hoard so you could gather more garbage. Since I left you have n't left the cave once.'' 
 
 `` I CA N'T LEAVE WITHOUT A GUARD, SON. MY HOARD IS THE ENVY OF ALL NATIONS!'' 
 
 `` Nobody wants your'treasure', it smells terrible. You shit in it then sleep on it. You're not well, Dad.'' 
 
 The host broke the speechless silence. `` We want you to know that we're here for you, Grilgamarr. Let's hear a word from your oldest friend, King Maldard'' 
 
 The old man cleared his throat and read from a stack of notes. `` Greetings, Old Worm. I'll share a memory before I say my bit. When you first reared your head in my kingdom, I had only recently sat the throne and I spent many sleepless nights thinking of an answer to the threat you used to be. Damn near emptied my coffers trying to kill you.'' 
 
 Grilgamarr chuckled. `` THE BRAVERY OF YOUR ARMY WAS ONLY EXCEEDED BY ITS TASTINESS. I ATE WELL THOSE EARLY MONTHS.'' 
 
 The king laughed, too. `` Ay, I failed, of course. Over time I came to respect your tenacity and fearsome reputation. You spread terror across my lands and further, to other kingdoms who dared not invade my lands lest they incur the wrath of GRILGAMARR! Your infamy was my fame. Now every respectable king has a dragon scourge, and the strength of a kingdom is measured by the might of its dragon.'' 
 
 He shuffled his notes uncomfortably. `` You've declined, Grilgamarr. We are the laughingstock of the continent. They call me the fat dragon king, and you my sleepy house guest. I've seen your greatness and I know it lies within you still. I've come to wake the dragon that once you were.'' 
 
 A giant, sulphuric tear rolled down the dragon's cheek and sizzled on the ground, scorching the earth. 
 
 The host chimed in. `` We all love you, Grilgamarr. Let's hear from someone who loves you the most. Princess Esmerelda!'' 
 
 The young woman pouted her lips. `` Grilly, you never kidnap me anymore. I used to have night terrors dreaming about the flap of your wings. Now my PTSD is almost totally cleared up. Do you know I have n't wet the bed in 6 years?'' she whined. `` Those cold, starry nights soaring miles above the countryside, gripped firmly in your warm talons. I miss that. Do n't you love me anymore?'' 
 
 `` OF COURSE, CHILD. I'VE SLAIN HORDES OF HORNY FOOLS WHO SOUGHT TO RESCUE YOU FOR YOUR HAND.'' 
 
 She wrinkled her nose. `` Those men were gross.'' 
 
 `` I WANT TO CHANGE. I JUST DO N'T KNOW HOW, I CA N'T.'' 
 
 `` That's what we're here for,'' said the host. `` Let's take a look at your home and assess the situation.''
