[ WP ] Each of Bob Ross ' landscape paintings is a real place , the different locations of his countless murders .

**Ross. ** 
 
 Sargeant. 
 
 **You know why you're here? ** 
 
 This is n't my first interrogation room. Not by a long shot. Although usually most of those other times involved selling weed. This may shock you, but I -- 
 
 **Shut up, stoner. Talk. ** 
 
 Wait, which do you want me to do? Shut up, or talk? 
 
 **You know good and goddamned well you're gon na talk. We've got hundreds of paintings, and beaneath all the happy tree bullshit -- ** 
 
 I bet if there's a storywriting contest about this, every single one of them is gon na use a variation on the happy trees thing. And the kids on r/trees? Well, THEY know what I'm talking about. 
 
 **Shut up! Make with the info. ** 
 
 Again, you make no sense, but let me paint you a picture. I call it, a world without girls named Cindy. That's my specialty. Not painting. Your average motel is rife with this bullshit. But as far as I know, none of those guys used their sunsets and waterfalls as big neon arrows pointing towards grieving parents who just want some closure already. Come on, man! It's the 90's, 
 
 **No. ** 
 
 Shit. I wish it was the nineties. I'd be alive back then. 
 
 **So all of these Cindys, that's all you? ** 
 
 Guilty! Whoops! Probably a poor choice of word. But let's just spitball here. Yeah, maybe. 
 
 **You already confessed. ** 
 
 Let me paint you another picture. One of a world where a weasel with an easel is also a serial killer. I call it -- 
 
 **Please don't** 
 
 `` Murder By Numbers'' 
 
 **That's it. I'm locking you up for that joke. ** 
 
 No joke!, It's a musical starring legendary Las Vegas song and dance man from the 60s Fred Numbers. 
 
 **So he is the murderer? You put that right in the title, dumb dumb. Now shut up and go to jail. ** 
 
 The handcuffs! They are too tight! 
 
 **You resisting arrest? I NEED BACKUP! ** 
 
 Ow! My beard! 
 
 * ( seven minutes of six policemen savagely beating Bob Ross. Blood everywhere. Fade to black. ) * 
 
 

