[ WP ] An assassin is hired to kill a target but ca n't get though the target 's plot armor .

There he was: Dylan Gerald. My target, sitting not 50 feet away from me on the other side of a restaurant. He was on a date with some brunette. Did n't matter. What did matter is the fact that his food was poisoned. 
 
 I waited. He took a few bites, and talked. I waited some more. He took a few bites, and talked. 
 
 What? Unless this guy was immune to cyanide or something, he shouldve been dead by now. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see some poor sod collapse, falling face first into his pasta. The fucking dishes got mixed up. God damnit. Everyone starts freaking out, understandably. Guess I should leave and try again later. 
 
 2 MONTHS LATER: 
 
 Dylan's paranoia has gone since that unfortunate `` pasta'' incident. Does n't matter. I take aim. He's on a date with that girl again. She's got a nice dress on, shame its gon na be stained with bits of brain. I pull the trigger. As I do, I kid you not, the asshat drops down on one knee, and pulls a fucking ring. I miss. Everyone freaks out. I ca n't. I ca n't. 
 
 2 YEARS LATER: 
 
 Police investigation is finally over. Time to kill this guy. I break into his car, wait there. There's no way I can mess this up. I hear someone coming. I put my hand on the pistol in my jacket. 
 
 Then, someone breaks the window of the car, opens the door, and hot wires it. He fucking steals the goddamn car with me inside it. 
 
 Why. 
 
 WHY. 
 
 1 WEEK LATER: 
 
 Put a landmine on his doorstep. Fucking mailman set it off. You have got to be kidding me. 
 
 3 YEARS LATER: 
 
 Police investigation over again. Get in my own car, get a machine gun, gon na try and drive-by him when he's coming back from dropping his kid off at school. 
 
 Oh. Great. Someone ran a red light and hit me. 
 
 I'm done. 
 
 I'm done. 
 
 14 YEARS LATER: 
 
 I spent some time overseas. Had to clear my head. Came back to finally kill this fucker. Follow him to his sons graduation, which is conveniently on a rooftop. His entire family's there. Great. I want them to see me kill this asshole. 
 
 He's near the edge. I push him off. 
 
 I'm grinning. Finally, I'm free. 
 
 I look down. 
 
 He landed in a pillow transport truck. 
 
 Who even needs that many pillows. 
 
 FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU
