[ WP ] A dream of yours has come true , but it was n't a very good dream ...

I was handed a memo, an invitation from my boss to his office up on the 100th floor. Dread gurgled in my gut, not only because I'd eaten two cans of pinto beans for lunch, but because of my dream. I'd had it last night, and it was disgusting. Not dive bar bathroom stall disgusting, more cringey, more Freudian. I knew it was only a dream, but it had started in an elevator like the one in my office building and ended with my boss flaunting his boss parts and asking me to rate them. 
 `` Come on in, Edward,'' my boss said. I was already in his office, sitting down, when he said that. My name was n't Edward, but I was n't about to start contradicting him. If there was one thing I'd learned from working here for five years, it was that'yes' was the best answer to any request. 
 `` What can I do for you, sir?'' 
 `` Shhhh shh shh,'' he said. His eyes were glued to the monitor of his desktop computer, which was not turned on. He typed sporadically on the keyboard, which was not plugged in, often pausing and stroking his beard contemplatively. I sat and watched him do this for around fifteen minutes. 
 `` Okay,'' he said, finally swiveling in his chair to meet my eye. He made several full rotations, saying'okay' and meeting my eyes each time. 
 `` Sir?'' 
 `` Let me run something by you, Ed. Stop me if you get confused. I have this great app idea, see. Now, I know what you're thinking. We're a windowsill company. We sell wholesale windowsills. Wholesale windowsills, sail wind with willow wills.'' 
 `` Sir, I had a dr- 
 `` Shut up. Do n't interrupt me. Listen, Edward, and you might learn something. This is my app idea. I want you to tell me what you think. I'm asking because, well, I value the opinion of my employees. Okay, you know Uber?'' 
 `` Yes.'' 
 `` Jesus Christ, would you not interrupt me like that? It is just, unbelievably disrespectful. I'm your boss, I could fire you if I wanted. Anyway. Now, imagine an app like Uber. You click a button, and get a ride. Right? Now, imagine Uber, but instead of for taxis, for dick pics.'' 
 `` Um.'' I was certain now. This was exactly like my dream. I held my breath. 
 My boss stood up and yanked down his pants. 
 `` What do you think, Ed? On a scale from one to ten.'' 
 
 I did n't give him a ten, and he immediately fired me. My termination notice also stipulated that I legally change my name to Edward. I've submitted the name change forms to the DMV, still waiting to hear back. On the bright side, it turns out I'm an actual precog. In the dream I had last night, Uber For Dick Pics hit number one on the app store charts. 

