[ WP ] A conflict between two people with too much bravado to back down , but not enough courage to throw a punch .

N: `` Dude, I got to ask your opinion on something because I was at the Deli Counter yesterday. Kate and I made the outrageous mistake of going grocery shopping at, uh, 5:00PM on a sunday. 
 
 R: `` Oh, that's a nightmare, you've got to leave the Deli Counter for later if you're gon na do that.'' 
 
 N: `` I went to the Deli Counter, and there was this dude up there, and there were about 4 or 5 people in line, so that's a busy Deli Counter. But the dude that was up there was finishing his order so I was like'we good'.'' 
 
 R: `` I'm gon na guess he had a hundred things he wanted.'' 
 
 N: `` So the dude hands him like four hundred grams of pastrami, and then he's like'Anything else, sir?' and he's like'Yeah, can I get a couple slices of that Corned Beef?' and then he's like'Yeah, no problem.', and then I'm like'Okay, you know what? Two kinds of meat. Easy there, Great Gatsby, but uh... that's okay'.'' 
 
 R: `` It's not over.'' 
 
 J: `` Wait, you're not allowed to get two kinds of meat at your Deli Counter?'' 
 
 N: `` Well then- No, it's that he got two kinds of meat for himself as a person. And then-'' 
 
 J: `` Well, what's wrong with that?'' 
 
 R: `` He could have a family.'' 
 
 N: `` -he got his few slices of pastrami, and then he goes'Anything else, sir?' and he's'Yeah, lem me get a couple of those, uh... those slices of pepper turkey.' And then he's'Okay, sir'.'' 
 
 R: `` Three meats? That's strained.'' 
 
 N: `` But it was like a uh...'OKAY SIR.', like I get it. You want your meat. And then he got like two more things after that! Everyone else is sitting there like'Oh, my god!'' 
 
 J: `` So you do n't want this guy to get whatever he wants?'' 
 
 N: `` I want- There's an unwritten rule that if there's a line up at the Deli Counter that you get one, two kinds of meat at the maximum.'' 
 
 J: `` I've never heard of that rule!'' 
 
 N: `` That's- Dude. That is just the... unwritten rule of the Deli Counter! 
 
 J: `` I've never heard of that.'' 
 
 R: `` How many cheeses did he get, too?'' 
 
 N: `` Gon na need to write it down because of scumbags like you!'' 
 
 J: `` I- well... Maybe, cause I never heard of it.'' 
 
 N: `` Just getting the pre-packaged?'' 
 
 J: `` No! No-no-no, I- I ge- I get whatever I want, you know, I get- I usually get two meats.'' 
 
 N: `` Two meats! What is- You put both meats on the same sandwich? 
 
 J: `` Yes! Yes I do! I goddamn do!'' 
 
 N: `` K, you know what? If you're grocery shopping at like 1:00PM on a Tuesday, you get two meats, you get four meats? See if I give a shit.'' 
 
 R: `` You will.'' 
 
 N: `` Oh, I will if I'm hidin- But I'll also be like'You know what? That guy- That guy's following the rules. This guy was not following the rules, and you know what I hated is that he then incentivized everyone after him to get more kinds of meat. Cause you're standing in line and you're like'Why wait here for like-'' 
 
 R: `` I need to get my time's worth.'' 
 
 N: `` Yeah! I'm not-'' 
 
 J: `` You do n't want people to be satisfied, do ya'?'' 
 
 N: `` I'm gon na get 400 grams of turkey, 400 grams o- 200 grams of turkey, 200 grams of rosemary ham, and throw in a swiss farmer sausage while you're at it.'' 
 
 J: `` I'll throw you into a swiss farmer sausage...'' 
 
 N: `` That would actually be a punishment because swiss farmer sausages look like big ol' bloody turds.'' 
 
 R: `` Ew.'' 
 
 J: `` You look like a big ol' bloody turd.'' 
 
 N: `` Sometimes. When it's Halloween.'' 
 
 R: `` So, was it because of the fact that it's multiple items or because it was multiple meats? If he had ordered like, some non, like say some egg salad, and also two meats, would that have lessened the impact?'' 
 
 N: `` You know what? It's illogical, but I think it would have. Cause I'd be like'Okay. This guy's not just livin' a decadent sandwich life style, you know, built of variety, he's getting like a balanced meal here. Maybe he's throwin' a picnic or something like that.'' 
 
 R: `` He's making the plates!'' 
 
 N: `` Yeah! Exa- He's got multiple dishes that are gon na be done here, like I understand.'' 
 
 J: `` But, no you do n't understand.'' 
 
 R: `` So the reality is you just wan na run this guy's life that you've never met?'' 
 
 N: `` No! I just want him to-'' 
 
 J: `` Yeah, no you do!'' 
 
 N: `` No, that's not true!'' 
 
 R: `` You wan na tell him it's not okay!'' 
 
 N: `` I want him to have the common decency to not show up at, uh, the busiest time of the grocery store and get an uh outrageous uh you know take up the Deli Counter's time.'' 
 
 J: `` I do n't know, dude.'' 
 
 R: `` I do n't think it works like that!'' 
 
 J: `` You've got some sort of, like weird superiority complex.'' 
 
 N: `` That's not a superiority complex that's-'' 
 
 J: `` D- You think that like everyone's going to be on the same page as you but no one fucking is.'' 
 
 N: `` I want them to fucking treat their fellow-'' 
 
 J: `` You're- you're like-'' 
 
 N: `` It's about respect, okay?'' 
 
 J: `` Some unwritten rule that you made up!'' 
 
 N: `` I want them to treat their fellow man with respect!'' 
 
 J: `` Some unwritten rule that you totally created in your mind that no one else- to make yourself feel better.'' 
 
 N: `` It's the rules that separate us from the animal kingdom!'' 
 
 J: `` To make yourself feel more superior!'' 
 
 R: `` Dude, just walk away from the Deli Counter for 5 seconds if that bothers you so much.'' 
 
 N: `` I needed the meat! I did n't wan na lose my place in line to, you know.'' 
 
 R: `` Just walk somewhere else and come back!'' 
 
 J: No, you're so full of- You're so far up your ass.'' 
 
 N: `` I did n't wan na lose my place in line to some fucking, oh,'Johnny can only have ham on Mondays and then he needs some fucking, you know, pastrami on Wednesdays or he's gon na cry'.'' 
 
 R: `` What if he needed, like, a low-salt meat for, like, health reasons or something? 
 
 N: `` Then order one low-salt meat!'' 
 
 R: `` But his family likes other meat!'' 
 
 N: `` That's acceptable. But, you know, any kinda guy that's getting three types of meat at the Deli Counter, I do n't think he's got a family.'' 
 
 R: `` Oh my god, you're judging his family life too, now.'' 
 
 J: ``'I do n't think he's got a family'!'' 
 
 R: ``'He's not worthy of love!''' 
 
 N: `` His family is the lunch that he makes on a daily basis.'' 
 
 J: `` You're so far up your own ass.'' 
 
 N: `` What are you talkin' about? You're just mad because you know I'm never... wrong.'' 
 
 J: `` You're so wrong!''
