[ WP ] Coming back from the bathroom , you realize you 've accidentally rubbed down with a squeeze of Hand Satanizer

`` The Devil's hands are an idle plaything, Satan. Do n't you know that?'' As Beelzebub tried to steal my mitts, I laughed at the incompetent guvnor. 
 
 `` But how? You used the hand satanizer. You wiped your hands up nice and good with it. How are you not one of the damned by now?!'' The devil's words were purty. He had himself a purdy mouth. 
 
 `` I'm a pagan. Neither Christ-ian, nor devilish. You want to step to me, chief, you better get stepping. Me and my boys are likely to throw you down the ol' apples an' pears.'' I taunted Old Scratch, but he looked merely confused. 
 
 `` Apples and pears? Speak English, goddamn it!'' The Devil'imself could n't even understand a bit of the old Queen's. I had to laugh at the notion. 
 
 `` I am, you right git.'' And I was. English? Who the fuck did he think he was talking to? 
 
 `` Get where? What the fuck are you talking about?!'' At once, I understood. It was an American devil, in London. 
 
 `` You'd better start running, chap, or me and me friends will start to running on you. And we do n't stop until we're all satisfied. You kennit?'' I spoke, but the devil did n't kennit. 
 
 `` Are.. Are you threatening me?!'' Yes, yes we were. And as we broke every bone in his body and used the rest for our pleasure, we had a hearty laugh.
