[ WP ] The secret to eternal life is discovered ... and it 's really goddamn stupid .

Tom shouted an expletive as he cracked the only two remaining eggs from the carton into the mixing bowl. A foul stench wafted through the air. Even if he had n't put the sugar and butter in the bowl already, he did n't have the time to rush to the store before the party. 
 
 Penicillin was good for you, right? It was n't bread, but maybe the concept was the same. With all the other ingredients, Tom would have to hope his cookies would still turn out ok. He held his breath and looked at the next step. 
 
 A cup of water. Sure, easy enough. Tom walked the measuring cup over to the sink and turned it on. The faucet sputtered and released a very mineral hard water. The earthquake from earlier that day meant the water might not be ideal. 
 
 Tom sighed and dumped the water from the measuring cup. One nasty ingredient? Sure. Two? He did n't want to risk it. However, there was an alternative to the tap water. 
 
 Tom slipped on his flip-flops and carried the measuring cup to the backyard. He leaned down and scooped up water from the chlorinated pool -- pouring some excess out until he got the measurement correct. Heading back inside, he dumped the water into the mixing bowl. 
 
 The rest of the ingredients were the standard deal and went down without any further hitch. The melted chocolate and butterscotch helped with the stench a bit, too, and soon the batter was placed in globs on the baking sheet to finalize the dough into baked cookies. 
 
 Tom paced back and forth as the first 10 minutes of baking had passed. The scent actually was n't bad. There was a certain... unnerving pleasantness behind its sweetness with the light touch of pungent. 
 
 The ding went off and Tom opened the oven door. A wave of steam filled Tom's face, and he let out a gasp from the pain. It was n't a normal burn. The moisture of the steam seemed to cling to his face and sizzle. If Tom were before a mirror, he imagined he would see boils forming and bursting. Not just on his face, but he could feel it in his throat; he'd breathed it in... 
 
 Faint, Tom fell backward and blacked out. 
 
 Tom shot awake when his fire alarm went off. A black smoke was coming from his oven. The smell of burning lingered in the air. He panicked and turned off the oven. 
 
 Panting, he remembered the state he was in before passing out. Hands went to his face and felt nothing but smooth skin -- no signs of damage. Strange. Had he imagined it? 
 
 Checking the time, he'd passed out for a good 15 minutes. Any minute now, the guests would arrive. He'd have to toss out his burnt cookies and apologize to his guests, but it would make for an entertaining story. He'd leave out the part about the eggs and blacking out, playing off that he was just careless with the oven. You could only smell burning -- no more of the pungent scent. 
 
 It would n't be for years, long after he'd forgotten the event, that Tom would realize he stopped aging from that day forward. The secret to eternal life? A failed concoction of rotten eggs and chlorinated water.
