[ WP ] You are the luckiest person on Earth . Everything you make an attempt for works in your favor . However , there two catches : you are absorbing the luck of those around you , and anyone who tries to profit from your luck ( even with your help ) is met with the worst luck immediately .

My sister wo n't acknowledge that she's related to me, let alone ever allow me to contact her again... which is fair, after what happened to her son and ex-husband ( is it an ex if he died in a bizarre plane accident? 
 Is it still a plane accident if the pilot mistook his upper torso for a very short landing strip? Oh. *Deceased*... that's the word I was looking for. ) 
 
 Anyway, where was I? 
 
 Yeah. Sister wo n't talk to me. Both my mom and dad are dead. 3 ex-girlfriends who are all still alive, which sounds pretty good for my track record until you find out one got AIDS from a muffin, one was horrifically mutilated by a pack of raccoons in a Nordstrom's dressing room, and my first girlfriend from high school has been `` winning'' a gruesome fight with cancer for.... going on 12 years now? 
 
 Sigh. 
 
 I am the luckiest man alive. 
 
 I am not very bright, but I discovered the cheap and effective cure for HSV in my second year of college. Which may be why I graduated with honors from Johns Hopkins, despite smoking pot every day and becoming pretty fucking good at League of Legends, if I say so myself. 
 
 I lost three roommates during my college years, and made my first fifty million. Two rommates got me a free pass on classes I would have would have failed, due to the school's policy on grief if a roommate commits suicide. They never found all of Chad's body, but I guess that still is enough to count as a suicide. 
 
 It was Rick and his plan to use my `` gift'' to hit both the stock market and the bookies in a two week plan to make us millionaires. Rick was the luckiest person I've ever met. It was like ladies and opportunities just landed in his lap. Like most people in my life, I never truly found out what happened to him, but after those columbian hitmen who were about to execute me said that I was the final string in a long line of fuck-ups, I can guess how Rick suddenly disappeard. ( thank god they parked over that sinkhole... god, I can still remember that baffled tone of surprise in their screams ). 
 
 Yeah. I'm pretty lucky. I'm not a millionaire anymore. It's somewhere in the billions now. Two nobel prizes, I think three trips to the white house and one to the international space station ( luckily most of it survived the explosive decompression that happened *just* after I left back for Earth. 
 
 Now I just mostly play video games and fuck... well nowadays I simply assume most are super models if I do n't recognize them from Hollywood. No one sticks around much, which is what I like. No one to worry about, and no one worries about me. Everyone thinks I am lucky; that I've got it made, so no one tries to help me with some crazy scheme. I can buy anyone anything. 
 
 Anyone but my sister, that is. Which kinda sucks because she has the only photos of mom and dad. It's been almost twenty years... and I have to be honest, I do n't remember what mom looked like anymore. But you have to respect the wishes of your loved ones, and considering what my sister has to do with... what remains of her son, I have to respect her wishes. 
 
 Whoo! 
 Ok. 
 
 But seriously, I live a pretty charmed life. I mean, gon na finish up this first blog post, go downstairs and smoke a bowl while probably getting a BJ from what'shername... the brunette oscar winner chick, and then go accept another nobel prize for ( ahem... accidentally ) discovering a root that makes your lose weight and reverses skin aging. 
 
 Which is weird that I was bonking that world class biochemist chick at the time. Eeesh.... a shame what happened to her.
