[ WP ] You are the oldest inhabitant of Hell . Even the Devil does n't know how long you 've been here . Denizens of Hell normally expect that the oldest sinner would be someone of pure evil , but in truth you 're actually a pretty chill dude .

In the fiery pits of hell 
 
 Is the home in which I dwell 
 
 The darkest of places 
 
 But always new faces 
 
 Just have to get used to the smell 
 
 ~ 
 
 I'm old as hell but not bald 
 
 `` The guy on the couch'' I am called 
 
 I'm asleep really often 
 
 The adjustment, I soften 
 
 On my couch `` information'' is scrawled 
 
 ~ 
 
 Orientation is getting mundane 
 
 But to n00bs I have to explain 
 
 To not make a right 
 
 On sodomy night 
 
 Or your ass is gon na be in pain 
 
 ~ 
 
 Now when having to use the loo 
 
 There's a place to pee and poo 
 
 Rapists' are great 
 
 If you urinate 
 
 Use their mouths for number 2 
 
 ~ 
 
 Now eating's not much of a ball 
 
 The sewer is the mess hall 
 
 The food here might stink 
 
 But what did you think? 
 
 This is perdition after all 
 
 ~ 
 
 Ooh yeah I almost forgot 
 
 About how your chairs getting hot 
 
 There's one little thing 
 
 He's always torturing 
 
 You think there's relief but there's not 
 

