[ WP ] A seed from the original forbidden fruit is regrown .

“ Several years ago, an enterprising American prospector set his eyes upon a questionably active volcano and said to himself,'I want to drill a hole in that.' 
 
 “ That man, Aaron Pershing, is in a hospital now. I ’ ve been told that he is lucid enough today to be watching our broadcast, though his life had been in serious danger until just last month. For that, I congratulate him, and wish him a speedy recovery. 
 
 “ Everyone in attendance here—and most people who aren ’ t—is familiar with Pershing ’ s story. Hell, CNN hasn ’ t reported on anything else since January…perhaps with the exception of that missing airplane. Bear with me, however, because for the sake of a grandiose presentation I intend to summarize the events of and after January 12 this year. 
 
 “ On the twelfth of January, Pershing and nearly a dozen miners in his employ were flown to an Australian hospital from the east coast of Tanzania. All of them had gone into convulsions, experienced severe seizures after having dug hundreds of meters below Mount Kilimanjaro. They were discovered within hours by their coworkers and dragged from that ill-conceived pit, which was then supposed to be full of noxious gas. 
 
 “ The mine was abandoned for a week, after which researchers from the University of Queensland were hired to identify the gas that the miners had inhaled. This was because the miners, Pershing included, had not yet ceased their violent convulsions. Not once. For a week. As you might imagine, the men were put on a high-calorie diet in addition to their other treatments. 
 
 “ But the Queenslanders didn ’ t detect anything at all extraordinary in the air of the mine. On the contrary, its breathability was excellent. A few of them removed their masks as they walked deeper into the earth, perhaps hoping for a glimpse of the same veins of valuable metal that Pershing had been searching for. This was their misfortune, as when the group reached the end of the shaft it was only the maskless among them who fell to the ground, just as the miners had. The rest—at least, the ones not immediately concerned with their companions ’ health, the bastards—caught sight of something on the far wall. 
 
 “ It was gold. Strange, though; it had taken the natural shape of a ninety-degree angle. The next day, after the students and researchers struck with seizures were shipped back to Australia, a few of those who remained went back into the mine, tools in hand, to strike it rich—or, as you ’ d hear them tell it, to ‘ examine the area more thoroughly. ’ 
 
 “ Three days later, it was clear that Pershing and his men hadn ’ t just struck gold beneath Kilimanjaro. They had struck God. 
 
 “ The Ark of the Covenant can not be viewed with bare eyes. The sight of it, even through a mask or lens, can induce vomiting, muscle spasms, or a nervous flight response. News organizations have been forced to treat their camera operators for PTSD, and star reporters have been ordered to remain distant due to their being soulless, unholy entities. Yet, thankfully, the Ark has not yet proved deadly. 
 
 “ You are already as familiar with its exterior as you are with the screen of your television: cherubim on the top, esoteric runes and hieroglyphs along the sides, all covered with immaculate gold leaf—leaf, I say, not plate. Moses apparently didn ’ t want to spring for it, which is proof to us all of something that we have known for millennia: Moses was a Jew. 
 
 “ Inside the Ark of the Covenant were five things: a stone tablet covered with indecipherable writing, a sealed parchment scroll, a mound of ash thought to have once been the rod of Aaron—the Biblical one, not the convulsive one—and two earthenware jars. It is concerning one of these jars that I have called you all here today. 
 
 “ Naturally and justifiably, Israel sued for the possession of the Ark and all of its contents. The Queenslanders, however, were credited with the discovery, and after a long legal and philosophical battle that I ’ m sure all of us will be grateful to forget, the contents were divided thusly: 
 
 “ To the Israelis was granted the tablet and a promise of the Ark, to be handed over by Australia after it has been thoroughly examined and the secret to curing its victims is revealed. The scroll was sent to be deciphered in England, after which it will undoubtedly make a world tour as a holy relic, owned by no one nation. The mound of ash was not removed from the Ark, as Hoovering it up is apparently too much trouble, and so it, too, is in Australia. Finally, the earthenware jars were sent to America—to Yale University, where I am a lead researcher of biological science focused on DNA mapping. 
 
 “ Inside one of the jars was a pale, sticky substance—likely the ‘ manna ’ described in the Old Testament. The examination of this did not concern me at all, and the results of that examination were revealed in July by my partner and friend, Doctor Janet Schrader. Those results do not require repeating here, not just because they have been repeated endlessly from July until now, but because I am excited to reveal the results of my own carefully-guarded research and overshadow her accomplishments completely. 
 
 “ The second jar—the one not mentioned in any of the ancient texts, though its age has been confirmed to be contemporary with the rest of the Ark—contained twenty-eight tiny seeds. My laboratory made headlines last year for our research on retroviruses in fruit trees, so we were the popular choice to receive it. I was tasked with identifying these seeds by their DNA, based on a certain outlandish guess. Nobody thought it possible to identify them by any other means. 
 
 “ But we can. We planted them, and they grew. And as it turned out, I believe that outlandish guess is correct: what we cultivated in our laboratory is none other than the Forbidden Fruit of legend, first grown in the Garden of Eden. 
 
 “ I have it here with me, and I will show it to you all today: the fruit that contains the knowledge of good and evil, responsible for the fall of Man from God ’ s grace. 
 
 “ But first, an anecdote. Several days after we began our research on the seeds ’ DNA, the answer was already apparent. This is why we never released any images of the seeds—after we had identified them, as sometimes happens with riddles like these, the answer seemed glaringly obvious. We could have published our results just then, to the satisfaction of the world. But I decided against it. 
 
 “ I remembered a quote from an article written by Francis Crick of Watson and Crick, the men who exposed the helical structure of DNA: ‘ A scientific discovery is more akin to a work of art than is generally admitted. Style…is as important as content. ’ 
 
 “ And so we waited for the plant to grow, and to bear fruit. We knew the risks; we might have been forced to wait years, until the news of the Ark had long died down, before the dramatic reveal. One of us might have been tricked into saying too much before too long. But, as luck would have it, neither we nor you were kept waiting very long at all. Perhaps it is God ’ s will, or the inherent magic of the seeds, but their growth was accelerated. We had fruit in as little as half a year. 
 
 “ Do not worry—none of us have eaten of it. We haven ’ t needed to, as you will soon find out. We are currently taking bids for the first bite of the Forbidden Fruit, and for tastes of the first crop…but to develop the most valuable taste, of which Adam and Eve partook, and for which they and their progeny were doomed, will take a little while longer. 
 
 “ Ladies and gentlemen of the world, behold the fruit that was and remains the source of Mankind ’ s folly. 
 
 “ It is the wine grape. ” 

