[ WP ] You , a bachelor of 15 years , that 's often too lazy to cook real meals , are somehow winning in an Iron Chef competition .

Seven cameramen jostled nervously for a shot of Alan's not-yet-famous burger grind. When he was eight, his dad had shown him some cool tricks with a grill that he'd never had a chance to use in his third-floor apartment. 
 
 >'' Remember, son. Sirloin is what is going to make your burger *tender*, but the ox tail and brisket are to make it nice and *juicy*.'' 
 
 The so-called'secret ingredient' was easy to add as well; Alan loved adding pineapple to my burgers as my local Asian delivery guy would be quick to note. 
 
 My entree would be done shortly enough, and Bobby Flay raised his voice to two other sous chefs to prepare his Béchamel. His Pineapple Tuna Mornay was to compare to hamburgers... but already he was breaking a sweat. 
 
 35 minutes remained for my appetizer and desert. I decided, what's better for dessert than pancakes? Upside-down pineapple pancakes were a go. Again, quick and easy. Three cameramen remained on Bobby's side, while I had to politely ask one of them to be my sous chef instead of standing right next to my grill. 
 
 He got the thumbs-up from an official and he quickly washed his hands and got to chopping a pineapple into one-inch cubes. 
 
 Jamie Oliver sat nervously in the audience wearing a hoodie, looking at a picture of his Bobby Flay body pillow on his phone to break the tension. 
 
 He *had* to get a way for Flay to just notice him already. 
 
 Giving the other contestant a few tips on what to make had been easy, but *damn* this guy was eating it up! 
 
 For an appetizer, Bobby was whipping up some grilled pineapple and short rib kebabs. He glanced nervously to Camera 1 zooming in on Alan's burger grind. 
 
 Both of them were throwing pineapple into something that normally would n't be then. Perfect. 
 
 His homemade pineapple ice cream was set, with now roughly thirty minutes remaining. His fish had some down time on it, and he got to thinking perhaps some alcohol might sway the judges... 
 
 Alan flipped his burgers. He got to grilling some onions, for the hell of it. He added a dash Worcestershire sauce and a bit of Hoisin sauce for flavor, just a hint of sesame oil in the pan to grease it. 
 
 What the hell was he going to do for an appetizer, though? It's not like he really cared, but Flay had *definitely* taken the kebabs on purpose. 
 
 But then, Alan had a brilliant idea! He would fake Flay out. 
 
 He asked the sous chef to skewer the pineapple cubes and put them over the grill. With just over 25 minutes left, and his pancakes were not close enough to being ready, the burgers were just getting on. 
 
 Moving over to his trusty food processor, he prepared some pecans and cream cheese to be blended well. Next, Alan skewered a few jalapeno peppers and sat them on the grill. 
 
 Everyone was on the edge of their seat, and Alan was only just starting to get interested. 
 
 When everyone had said he'd won a ticket to Copper Chef, he'd thought it was a joke after he'd brought the same kebabs Bobby was now making to a party. Now some of Alan's friends were cheering him on from the crowd. 
 
 He had then figured if there were any extra burgers he could make, that would be a bonus. However, those damn kebabs had finally piqued his interests. 
 
 He cut up a small stack of medium corn tortillas into quarters, catching a glare from Flay. Only twenty minutes left. 
 
 Flay looked up broodingly. Would Alan make the kebabs anyway? As far as he was concerned, *Flay* was the grill guy around here. Alan looked back at him calmly, with a sly smile on his face. 
 
 So this guy was here to win. Shit. 
 
 Alan greased a pan and set a broiler. He put the tortilla quarters in spread kind-of haphazardly and hoped for the best. He took it back out, adjusted three, and added a few drops of pineapple juice to each. He had to make it look convincing. 
 
 Alan's sous chef got to plating the entree and dessert, while Alan whipped up his appetizer yet. Fifteen minutes left. 
 
 Bobby's tuna was done, and the kebabs needed nearly every second, but plated up very easily. Time to break out the big guns. 
 
 He took out his ice cream, and sat about to fry it. 
 
 The crowd gasped, for it was truly a bold move. 
 
 Alan shook his head. He remembered back to what his mother had told him: 
 
 >'' Alan, you need to treat your body right, but you do n't have to make crummy food to do that. Just remember: never ruin something good by frying it.'' 
 
 His decoy kebabs ready, Alan took the jalapenos and pineapple off of the skewers and put them into his food processor. With minutes remaining, he blended it all up, and checked on the tortillas. Toasted up more or less perfectly! 
 
 The impromptu sous chef about saved Alan's life plating up the pancakes, and then Alan whispered in his ear. His eyes lighting up, the cameraman had a mission. 
 
 Alan plated the burgers, Kings Hawaiian rolls with the burger on bottom, a grilled pineapple chunk on top, and a drizzle of Teriyaki along with the grilled onions. 
 
 Ah, screw it. The plates looked nice enough. He made a little swirl on the plate with some pineapple syrup and a mint sprig next to it so he would n't lose points. 
 
 The pancakes looked fantastic, and he left cups of whipped cream and powdered sugar next to each small stack along with a cherry atop the stack on each plate. The judges' mouths watered. 
 
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 edit: formatting, line break, and break in storytelling. 
 
 I need some sleep, but will return to this tomorrow with earnest: )
