[ WP ] Not all eldritch horrors from beyond the normal edges of space-time see you as a snack .

`` You were n't kidding around.'' Joel nodded at the sign that read'Antique Bookstore'. `` This looks ancient!'' Joel swept a thick layer of dust off an old tome. 
 
 `` You have no idea...'' The store owner, draped in dust and cobwebs, looked as ancient as the books themselves as he hobbled after Joel, leaning on his cane. 
 
 Joel squinted at the heading and read aloud. ``'How to summon Elder Gods for Dummies', what a load of crock. You ever try this?'' 
 
 `` Sure have. I'm more of a necromancer myself, but it's a good book. Very informative, pictures so you know where to place the sacrifices and all.'' 
 
 `` Necromancer? Good one'', Joel chuckled as he began to flip through the pages of incantations. He might be crazy, but the old man was right about the book being informative, it made summing a Elder God look as easy as baking a pie and with only a slightly higher chance of the entire world being devoured. 
 
 The store owner suddenly snatched the book out of Joel's hands and slammed it shut. 
 
 `` Think Necromancers are something to laugh at, do you? Well, I wo n't stand for it, you hear me? Just because everything I summon is dead does n't make it any less difficult than what does damned Wizards with their arcane-this and fireball-that do! Here, take the book and get out of my shop.'' He thrust the book into Joel's arms and pushed him out the door, muttering things like `` the nerve of some people'' and `` coming into *MY* shop''. 
 
 `` I hope you are slain and devoured by whatever feeble eldritch horror you manage to conjure, I'd serve you right! Goodday, sir!'' The old man slammed the door in Joel's face and left him standing in the street. Joel briefly considered going back inside and telling the store owner that he had n't meant to insult him or his occult abilities, he had simply thought the old man insane, but Joel was n't entirely sure the store owner would find that any better, so instead he shrugged it off and went home. 
 
 It was n't until a few days later that Joel remembered the book and decided to rescue it from it's temporary employment as a paperweight on his desk and give it another read. Joel had been lacking excitement in his life as of late and decided that summoning a several hundred meter tall Old God that would drive anyone who looked at it insane would be the perfect way to spice up his dull week. 
 
 `` Let's see...'' Joel ran his finger down the list of required ingredients for the summoning ritual. `` Insert the knife in your kidney... sacrifice virgin goat... read incantation backwards three times. Seems doable.'' After a short trip to find a virgin goat, surprisingly hard by the way, the first four farmers Joel went to got all shifty eyed and began talking about the weather when Joel asked if they were virgins or not, everything was set for Joel to begin the ritual. 
 
 The moment Joel inserted the knife into the virgin goat's kidney while chanting `` Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! ``, he felt the ground shake. It rumbled and cracked open, creating a huge rift that swallowed half a city block and left Joel teetering on the edge of a black abyss. An enormous shape slowly emerged from the depths, its face a mess of tentacles and scales with a several meter tall top hat perched on its bald head. 
 
 `` Greetings mortal.'' The drawling voice boomed over the city, shattering every piece of glass in a miles radius and knocked Joel to the ground, where he had a brief case of severe insanity, during which he questioned things like if he was really the virgin goat, but luckily it passed. 
 
 `` Hey, Elder... guy. Would I be awfully rude if I asked you not to devour me?'' Joel had to look away as the sight of all those feelers reminded him of wet cheese sticks, something he simply could not stand. Joel was starting to think that this was quite enough excitement for one day. 
 
 `` Not at all, not at all. Least I could do after you summoned me, I'm just glad to be out and about. It feels good to stretch the old tentacles every few hundred millennium, but in return, there is something I would ask of you.'' 
 
 `` Anything, Mr. Elder God, sir.'' 
 
 `` Well, you see...'' The Elder God began, a nervousness in his voice as he removed his top hat and spun it anxiously in his claws. `` I consider myself a bit of a musician and well, Elders are n't much for music. Maybe it's because most of them do n't have ears, I do n't know. Anyway, it's damned near impossible to get constructive criticism from those old bats, I even had to move out of my old apartment because the neighbors were complaining about the racket!'' 
 
 `` So you want me to...?'' 
 
 `` Yes! Oh, man, would you really? That'd be so great! I'm not so good with the whole technology stuff you youngsters are always on about, but if you could just help me film it and put it on YouTube, that'd just be amazing man.'' 
 
 `` You want me to make you a music video? Well alright then.'' As a rule, Joel always stood by his bad decisions, but, he contemplated, this was probably the worst decision he had made all week. He did n't even know how to make those flashy special effects that all the *real* music videos had. The Elder God would probably be very disappointed with the video. 
 
 `` Here!'' The scaly god removed his top hat, put on a bandanna and threw Joel a video camera. 
 
 `` Start filmin','cause it's Elder Rap Time, bitch!''
