[ WP ] Domesticated animals have attained self-awareness and now rent their services to humans . You are a dog for hire .

“ As you can see, I have a very prestigious pedigree. Many of my ancestors served time in the military or police force. Now you may be worried about my breed ’ s health but I can assure you have nothing to worry about. I ’ m also happy to inform you that if you trace my pedigree five generations back, everyone within my family has excellent hip and elbow scores, passed temperament tests and of those deceased, they ’ ve lived well into their teen years. ” 
 
 The human couple nodded along as they listened. They ran their eyes over his family tree, making sounds Rex assumed were good but he suspected they weren ’ t completely convinced. Pricking his ears a little higher, the shepherd tilted his muzzle ever so slightly to the left and raised his brows a little expectantly. He threw in a little tail wag for good measure. Humans love tail wags. 
 
 “ Some of these names appear twice… ” the man murmured. The woman gave him a sharp slap on the arm, looking shocked. 
 
 “ Why yes, my father ’ s grandfather is also my mother ’ s father! ” Rex informed them. He always found that fact neat. The two humans glanced at each other but didn ’ t comment further. They must be amazed. 
 
 “ Moving on to my qualifications. ” Rex slid the binder towards them with his paw. “ While I do not have any active experience as a K9, I am have earned my IPO 3 title so I ’ m trained in protection. If guard work is not what you ’ re looking for, I ’ m also trained in tracking, search and rescue, sniffer dog and I ’ ve dabbled in a bit of herding. 
 
 “ I ’ m also a certified seeing eye dog, ” he turned to look at the woman before continuing. “ And I ’ ve had a very high success rate as a cancer detection canine. ” She looked impressed. He ’ d known from the moment she ’ d walked into the office that she was a medical practitioner of some type. A nurse or a doctor, someone who worked in a big hospital. The scent of latex and scrubs and antiseptic clung to her, even if she tried to disguise it with faux strawberry scented soap. Nothing could beat his nose. 
 
 Rex turned to the man next. “ And if you ’ re more the competitive sports type, I excel at Freestyle Frisbee, Agility, and Dock Diving. With me by your side you ’ ll be earning ribbons and trophies in no time! ” He ’ d pegged the man for a sporty guy. The man was young, well built. When he ’ d gone to politely pet the dog upon introductions, Rex had felt calloused fingers from what he guessed was a baseball bat ( if the underlying leather and dirt smell was anything to go by ). Judging by the small sound he made and the subconscious nod, Rex was correct. 
 
 “ Do you fetch? ” the man asked. 
 
 “ Well I ’ m not exactly a Retriever but yes, I can fetch. Ducks, pheasants, rabbits- “ 
 
 “ Oh, no we ’ re not after a hunting dog. We ’ re talking more like… sticks. And tennis balls. Maybe slippers or the newspaper on a Sunday morning…? ” 
 
 “ Yes, I can do basic service dog skills. The agency is also happy to provide further training if you need such skills refined. ” It wasn ’ t exactly what he was specialised in but the German Shepherd was sure he could learn. Rex hoped this wasn ’ t a deciding factor though. 
 
 The couple looked at each other again. They had a silent conversation of gestures and eye contact, the man started spelling a word out but stopped when he noticed Rex listening intently. The woman spoke first. 
 
 “ This is all very good Rex. You have a very impressive resume, ” she began. The shepherd beamed. He forced down the temptation to wiggle about in his seat. 
 
 “ But… ” the man continued. The thumping sound of Rex ’ s tail against the seat halted. But? Why “ but ”? Did he do something wrong? Did he mess up already? He ’ d thought this job interview was going so well… 
 
 “ But we have to ask. Why did your previous owners surrender you to this animal shelter? ” 
 
 Oh. Well he had to have known they would ask eventually. It seemed he couldn ’ t keep up the good boy façade forever. 
 
 “ I- I had a moment of weakness involving a trespassing feline and a moving vehicle. ” He felt his ears fall flat against his head. He looked down at the ground. This was the part where they found out he was not a good boy. He was a bad dog. That ’ s why his owners left him. It ’ s why the other interviewers left. It ’ s why this couple would leave. But bad dog or not, he wasn ’ t going to lie to them. 
 
 Sitting up straighter, he placed his one front leg on the table. “ And in my current condition, it ’ s difficult for me to perform my duties. ” 
 
 The humans murmured something to each other. This was the part where they politely thanked him and left because he wasn ’ t what they were looking for. Maybe if he was lucky he ’ d get a head pat on the way out. 
 
 “ Rex? ” 
 
 “ Yes? ” He glanced up, muzzle lifting slightly upwards. 
 
 “ We just have one more question, ” the woman said. “ How do you feel about children? ” 
 
 “ I like human children very much ma ’ am. ” He hadn ’ t been asked this question in an interview before. Rex liked human pups. They were sweet and bubbly and energetic and generous in their hug giving. And they smelled like cookies and dirt. 
 
 The couple discussed some more things. Rex gave them their privacy, glancing at the tree outside the window. Maybe he could go chase some squirrels after this interview. He liked chasing squirrels. 
 
 “ Rex. ” 
 
 Rex snapped back to the conversation at the mention of his name, ears swivelling forward. He tilted his head to the right this time. 
 
 “ So we ’ re not looking to hire you. ” 
 
 Rex nodded absently. Maybe he could chase squirrels after lunch too. And chew on his squeaker a bit more. 
 
 “ But we would like to adopt you. We have a little girl that would love to meet you. Is that okay with you? ” 
 
 Oh. That… that sounded really good. But… 
 
 “ Will I still get paid my fifty milk bones? ” 
 
 “ Yes. ” 
 
 “ Deal. ”
