[ WP ] Every sentient species in the universe receives a Jesus figure from God . It turns out humanity was the only species to torture and crucify him . You 're an ambassador priest informing the Inter-Galactic Holy Church what your species did .

`` So'' I said with hesitation in my voice `` he died'' 
 
 `` Exactly how did he die'' replied the head Priest 
 
 `` Crucified for... and I quote to forgive our sins, but let's be honest you heard as well as I did. The Vogons threw theirs into a active Volcano and that other group the one with the weird eyes lashed theirs to the ass end of the senate leaders prized bipedal horse'' 
 
 `` While that is true'' replied the head priest again `` the Figure who was thrown into the volcano stopped it from erupting therefore saving that Solar system. While the Klaxions or those things with the weird eyes as you call them. Their figure was willingly strapped to the horse because he was taking part in a play'' 
 
 `` Oh'' I mused unsure what to say next `` would it help if I said he came back three days later and we now celebrate that by eating a proverbial boat load of chocolate bunnies?'' 
 
 The high priest looked confused but impressed 
 
 `` I must admit'' he said `` we have yet to hear of any of our representatives returning from the dead, this is interesting indeed. What happened after he returned from the dead?'' 
 
 `` Look, you'll like this answer even less I guarantee it'' 
 
 `` Go on'' his eyes squinted 
 
 `` War, Sir historically speaking almost every war fought since then has involved the rep you sent us. So along with explaining to you why our first was crucified I was asked to request a restart if you will and ask for another representative.....'' 
 
 At this point I was purely improvising 
 
 `` could this one be a blonde lady perhaps?, all the earth lads would just lap it right up. We promise no death this time. Just respect and some fantastic Art Deco pieces where the largest debate is about breast size over who's daughter she really is.'' 
 
 `` We will have to discuss this request and if granted you will receive your new Jesus figure via intergalactic Mail on Tuesday. Now good bye Mr Smith.'' 
 
 As he finished he slammed his book closed and stood. 
 
 `` Thank you sir, I'll let the others know''
