[ WP ] The Ark of the Covenant was real , but it was actually a Trojan Horse containing biological weapons .

Watching on TV, I could n't help but be astonished at the thousands of people who had gathered in Rome. Not that there is n't usually a crowd when His Holiness deigns to show himself to his people. But the everyday prayers of the leader of the Catholic Church do n't draw this kind of crowd... 
 
 Dignitaries from nearly every First World Nation were in attendance. Celebrities from all walks of life were rubbing elbows with each other in what looked to be a special VIP section. But the biggest, wildest groups were the followers in the middle. There were n't just Catholics and Christians here. Several of the most important rabbis, and sheikhs and imams from the Middle East. The Dalai Lama sent a few of his most trusted monks. Even the Shinto priests had just arrived. There were MILLIONS of people in attendance, all singing and talking and crammed together in and around St. Peter's Basilica. Why, you ask? 
 
 The Ark of the Covenant. It had finally been found. 
 
 Now, you got ta understand. In both Christianity and Judaism, the Ark of the Covenant is a pretty big deal, right? It's supposed to contain the tablets upon which God wrote the Ten Commandments for Moses and the bones of some body or something, I do n't know the particulars... But what I DO know is, to put it mildly, the Ark's the single most important find in the history of the world. And today was the day they were going to open it. 
 
 Note that I said `` supposed to be.'' This is n't a happy story, ladies and gents. 
 
 Watching all the various people scurrying about, I could n't help but wonder if they knew what they were doing. Everyone knows about how the Ark is supposed to work; they even did it in Indiana Jones! If you open it, you'll die. Simple as that. There's also a lot of fluffy stuff about how religions work because they're based on faith and if you have definitive proof, yadda yadda, no one really cares okay? 
 
 So the Pope's finished talking and the moment is here. The Ark is... smaller than you'd think. All the Bible stories made it out to be some massive case, adorned with gold and jewels and spiritual hullabaloo. So it was kinda surprising when this simple long box was wheeled out. Looking back, I should have known something was up. But man, it was hard not to let yourself get sucked into the moment, you know what I mean? But hey, they said it was the Ark, so it was the Ark as far as most were concerned. 
 
 A hush falls over the crowd as the Pope and the other religious leaders all gather'round it. A few quick prayers from everyone, one long pause for dramatic effect, and then... the box is opened! A huge cheer! Crying and praising God. But what's inside the box? The Commandments, the bones!? 
 
 I do n't know, actually. And neither did anyone else, because the box looked to be empty. Well, that is n't QUITE right... it looked like a void, or some kind of portable black hole. It was the middle of the day in Rome and yet you could n't see into the box at all. 
 
 Suddenly there was screaming. And the cameras cut to the Pope's face just as it fell off his skull, his small form collapsing to the ground. The screams grew louder as the rabbis and sheikhs started frothing at the mouth, eyes bulging nearly out of their sockets. In another part of the Basilica, men and women started tearing at their own skin as disgusting boils suddenly appeared over every part of their body. Another group of priests were vomiting uncontrollably while some monks fell to the ground, screaming that their bones had become like paper. 
 
 It was, in short, the most terrifying 20 minutes of television I had ever seen in my life... 
 
 `` And so, now you know. The _true_ story of the Ark of the Covenant. It's not a beacon of religious hope and support. It's a WEAPON.'' I said, leaning back in my chair. I looked across my desk at the three people seated before me. The scum of the earth, to put it mildly, and the only kind of people willing to make a deal with me. One was a dictator of incredible renown, who ruled her empire with an iron fist. She sat ramrod straight, impeccably dressed in her military uniform; her cold gray eyes could only go so long before they betrayed her fear. 
 
 To her left, a leader of a massive death cult. They were in the news nearly every week for bombing some important monument or another. He spoke in riddles and half-truths, never revealing his true intentions. He too was quiet and still, but in his eyes I saw not fear, but awe. Awe at the scale of death that the Ark had left in its wake. 
 
 The final person was perhaps the most unreadable: a short, thin man in a business suit. I did n't get his name when we shook hands, and his features were unremarkable save the thin scar on the side of his face, just below his salt-and-pepper hair. He represented some corporate military interest I think, which made it surprising that he and Madam Dictator did n't know each other. 
 
 `` It's not just any weapon. It's THE weapon. The only true weapon of mass destruction. Biological diseases and malaise, afflicting a populace instantly. Within hours, every single living thing in a 20-mile radius is dead. ALL OF THEM.'' I paused for dramatic effect, my gloved hands spreading wide to illustrate my point. `` This is beyond nuclear, beyond hydrogen. This is the kind of thing that if you were to possess it, you could control the world! All would be forced to acquiesce to your demands!'' The cult leader smirked. `` They would have no choice but to bow to your unstoppable power.'' The dictator's eyes widened. `` And you could control them without ever having to lift a single finger.'' The businessman sniffed. 
 
 I rose from my desk, and walked over to a side table, upon which lay a smallish, unassuming brown box, locked shut with chains and padlocks. `` Now...'' I smirked, `` the bidding starts at five hundred billion dollars.''
