[ WP ] You are a plastic surgeon about to perform cosmetic surgery on your patient who looks exactly like the ski masked criminal you saw earlier on the news .

I'd been given the papers, all the documents; everything seemed in order. I'd never met the client myself—my assistant typically does all of that work. I simply hear what they want from my assistant, and from what they, the client, has written on the paper. 
 
 What? TV is n't going to watch itself. 
 
 Speaking of which, earlier that week, I was watching TV while my assistant handled some legal paperwork for some lawsuit or some something or other—but that's not the point. I was watching the local news to discover which bakeries were having better sales when, when a news alert popped up. * “ Ski-masked criminal robs bank, $ 1 million stolen ” * it read, followed by a security camera feed that showed a man dressed in all black, wearing a ski mask, darting through the bank's lobby and out to a getaway car across the street. 
 
 Needless to say, I was shocked. A robbery, in our town? That's insane, seeing as we have one of the best police forces in these parts. But I digress. 
 
 Back to the present: I was preparing all of my tools for the upcoming surgery, when I finally met the client for a last minute sit-down to make sure everything went well. I absolutely can not describe my shock. There, before me, in my own surgery room no less, stood that ski-masked criminal, clad in nondescript black clothing and a black ski mask. I was so stunned I nearly dropped my coffee. 
 
 What? Coffee is n't going to drink itself. 
 
 Anyway, I was nearly speechless. But when he showed me a hefty wad of cash, well, I could n't resist. I believe the first words out of my mouth were, “ Well, alright then. Your nose is n't going to grow itself. ” 
 
 And so we did. I had him lay down on my table, my assistant by my side, and we began to get to work. It was a little tough, I recall, working with a ski mask. The lips in particular were hard to get right thanks to the small hole—cotton is a real pain to stitch a nose onto too, I might add—but I got it done in one fell swoop, and it looked pretty good too. Kind of like someone took a sock puppet and pasted human facial pieces onto it. 
 
 But professionally. Because I am a professional. 
 
 The rest is history. A job well done, a face remade. 
 
 So, now to the real issue. These handcuffs are n't going to remove themselves. 
 
 Also officer, am I being detained?
