[ WP ] Write the most elaborate , over-dramatic , and exciting story you can think of that all just turns out to be a set-up for a pun so horrible I 'll want to punch you

The sound of tearing metal echoing down the corridors of the ship was their only warning. 
 
 `` She's taking on water!'' someone screamed as the lights winked out plunging them into darkness. James snapped to attention and threw his feet over the bed. Going by touch, he felt his way to the door that linked his small cabin to the larger one next to it. 
 
 `` Sir?'' he called out into the darkness, `` Are you there, sir?'' 
 
 `` James?'' a gruff voice, still heavy with the sounds of sleep, replied, `` Is that you?'' 
 
 `` Yes, sir,'' James said patiently, `` We must depart at once. I fear our ship is no longer seaworthy.'' 
 
 He heard Lord Winfield stagger to his feet. James stepped forward and gripped his employers' shoulders. He felt a think nightshirt covering the man's ample frame. Not good. 
 
 James rushed to the wardrobe and rummaged in it by touch. The smoking jacket was unsuitable. A dinner jacket impractical. At last his fingers brushed against the felt lining of a heavier coat. It would hardly shield his employer from the cold for long, but it was better than the flimsy sleepwear the man was now wearing. 
 
 `` If you please, sir,'' James said as he brushed the coat against Mr. Winfield's arms. The man took the signal and started slipping his arms inside. The ship shuddered once and a low groan filled the air as if something were protesting some new punishment. 
 
 `` I suggest alacrity, sir,'' James murmured. Winfield had the coat in place and they exited the room together only to be swallowed up by the mass of humanity without. It seemed as if every available inch of room in the corridor was filled with the press of bodies. There was scarcely room to breath. Winfield shuddered at the thought of the lower classes that were brushing past in their eagerness to find safety. 
 
 `` To the lifeboats,'' James called out, `` We have to make it there, sir!!'' 
 
 The ship groaned once more. But this time the groan was followed by a jarring sensation. Something had broke. Screams filled the air up ahead followed by the sounds of rushing water. 
 
 `` Back!'' James said, `` Back the way we came, sir!'' 
 
 `` But that will take us back towards steerage!'' Winfield protested. 
 
 `` Better that than attempting to best the ocean at her own game!'' James countered. 
 
 The crowd ran with them. They were making better time than before but the sound of water continued to advance. Again the ship shook and a bolt of light speared into the darkness. After so long of fighting in pitch black the sight of moonlight was blinding. Moonlight? Winfield realized with a start that a rent had appeared in the hull beside them. The ship was falling apart even as they fled. 
 
 He felt someone tugging on his arm and he fought the urge to smack the presumptuous person away. Instead he looked and met James' gaze. 
 
 `` This way, sir!'' his butler called out, `` I think I may have a way out!'' 
 
 Winfield nodded and followed the butler down the corridor. Water puddled around their feet. The water was cold and sent icy dagger up along Winfield's bare legs. James led the way to a branching corridor that was less crowded. Winfield followed. 
 
 A flight of stairs led downwards from there. For the moment it was not completely flooded by the stairs had already become a waterfall. James took the stairs two at a time and Winfield was forced to follow. The cold salt water came up to his knees now. He looked around and realized where they now were. Cargo. 
 
 James led the way towards Winfield's Pierce-Arrow motor car. What the devil? 
 
 The car had been lashed to a large wooden platform for stability and to prevent scratching. The water was creeping up the sides of the vehicle and had half swallowed the tires. James waved Winfield into the vehicle, the top was down fortunately, and set about gathering jugs, barrels, and everything else he could find that was buoyant in the hold. With quick and efficient movements, he tied these to the sides of the platform the car sat upon. After a half dozen such trips, all while Winfield shivered with a mixture of terror and hypothermia, the car lurched. For one heart stopping moment Winfield feared the boat was breaking apart once more. But, no, it was the automobile. It was starting to float. His butler was crafting a raft out of the debris in the cargo hold! 
 
 After a few more items were secured to the improvised raft. James climbed on board and used a scavenged pole to push the craft awkwardly through the water. They arrived at the gates and James pushed the raft against the wall. There Winfield spied a wheel that James had to brace himself against the leather seats to force it to turn. Slowly the gates began to part. It allowed more water in, yes, but the boat was still slightly buoyant in the sea. The expected onrush of frigid seawater never came. Instead, as soon as a gap was wide enough for them to use, James pushed their raft outside the sinking ship. Winfield gasped as he saw stars break over head. 
 
 They had made it! 
 
 Life boats splashed into the water all around them and people in the water called for help. Winfield met the gaze of his employee and noted the man looked positively embarrassed. 
 
 `` James?'' Winfield asked his butler, `` What is the trouble?'' 
 
 `` Sorry, sir,'' James admitted humbly, `` I am afraid that in my haste I neglected to gather certain supplies. The vehicle should provide us some comfort and protection, but I did not gather food. If you will permit me, I think I can improvise a fishing pole. If you permit it, I cam even set a campfire on the hood of the vehicle but I fear it may damage the paint. Still, if you permit this sacrifice, I should be able to cook dinner.'' 
 
 Winfield nodded weakly and James took that as a signal to begin working on his equipment. Within moments James had unraveled a length of string from his shirttail and wound it around the end of his pole. He then liberated a nail from a scrap of wood and bent it by pressing it at an angle against the pallet below them. He then set about searching for suitable bait. Winfield could only stare in wonder. This extraordinary man was a mere butler? He would have died without the assistance of the man. 
 
 `` Help!'' a voice called just to the side of their craft. Winfield rushed to the edge of the raft and reached into the water. His hand went numb as the icy waters robbed the heat from him. Still, he maintained sufficient control to grasp the flailing arm he found there. Heaving with a backwards lurch, he dragged the man out of the water. 
 
 The new man sputtered and coughed up a lungful of seawater. Winfield could only stare at the man. The man's jacket had been patched at the elbows and looked too thin for the night air. The rest of his clothes also showed signs of frequent mending. The half drowned man looked up and met Winfield's gaze. With a start the man seemed to shrink back in on himself. 
 
 `` Lord Winfield!'' the man gasped, `` I'm so sorry! I did n't realize I was intruding on your... I was just... you see...!'' 
 
 `` It's all right!'' Winfield interrupted as he waved towards the Pierce -Arrow, `` Get inside and try to dry off before you catch your death.'' 
 
 The man looked at him with eyes filled with disbelief, but silently obeyed. James, for his part, was now perched upon the trunk and casting off the rear of the raft and dragging the line behind them. 
 
 `` Sir?'' the rescued man said through chattering teeth, `` You're a lord and I'm a commoner. Why did you save me?'' 
 
 Winfield glanced back at his butler and smiled. 
 
 `` When you fish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are,'' he declared.
