[ CC ] After reading the prompt , I decied to rewrite Romeo and Juliet for the modern age .


 < Sub Mod Officer just entered > 
 < Bot1 just entered > 
 < Bot2 just entered > 
 < Bot3 just entered > 
 
 
 < Officer > Filetransfers, shirtlesspics, and trollery? BOTS! Beat them down! 
 
 < Bot1 > Down with the capulet.tumblr.coms! 
 
 < Bot2 > Down with the /r/montagues! 
 
 < User Oldenough @ capulet.tumblr.com just entered > 
 < User Waifubot @ capulet.tumblr.com just entered > 
 
 < Oldenough > What matter is this? Connect my smartphone, hoe! 
 
 < Waifubot > An Error, an Error! Why call you for a `` Smartphonehoe''? 
 
 < Oldenough > My smartphone, I say! Those /r/montague have come and flourishes their 
 
 fatshaming priviledged bodies in spite of me! 
 
 < User Olderthenyou @ reddit.r.montague.com just entered > 
 
 < User CutieMilf @ reddit.r.montague.com just entered > 
 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Thou Fattie capulet.tumblr.com! - Hold me not, let me emote. 
 
 < Cutiemilf > Thou shalt not take one pic to seek a vote. 
 
 < Moderator Prince just entered # verona > 
 
 < Moderatorbot just entered # verona > 
 
 < Prince > Rebellious users, enemies to peace, 
 
 < Prince > Profaners of this well maintained channel- 
 
 < Prince > Will they not hear? What, ho! you Users, you beasts! 
 
 < Prince > That quench the fire of your pernicious faggotry 
 
 < Prince > With mighty traffic for my server fair? 
 
 < Prince > On pain of g-line, from those bloody nicks 
 
 < Prince > Cease posting these accursed trolls 
 
 < Prince > And heed the sentence of your moved MOD. 
 
 < Moderator Prince has moved Olderthenyou, Oldenough, Waifubot and CutieMilf to 
 
 # judgementroom > 
 
 < Prince > Three channel trollings, bred of airy posts 
 
 < Prince > By thee, old capulet.tumblr.com, and /r/montague, 
 
 < Prince > Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of my chan 
 
 < Prince > And made # verona's ancient lurkers 
 
 < Prince > Cast by their well behaved nicks 
 
 < Prince > To wield old trollery, in nicks as old, 
 
 < Prince > Cank'red with peace, to part your cank'red hate. 
 
 < Prince > If EVER you disturb chan again, 
 
 < Prince > G-lines shall be the price of forfeit of my peace. 
 
 < Prince > For this time all the rest depart away. 
 
 < Prince > You, oldenough @ capulet.tumblr.com, shall stay along with me; 
 
 < Prince > And, Olderthenyou @ reddit.r.montague.com, msg me this afternoon, 
 
 < Prince > To know my further pleasure in this case, 
 
 < Prince > To old Freenode, our common judgment place. 
 
 < Prince > Once more, on pain of death, all now depart. 
 
 < Moderator Prince has moved Olderthenyou and CutieMilf to # montaguecommons > 
 
 < User Benvolio joined montaguecommons from # verona > 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach? 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Speak, nephew, were you on when it began? 
 
 < Benvulio > Here were the trolls of your adversary 
 
 < Benvulio > And yours, fierce trolling ere I did approach. 
 
 < Benvulio > I opd to part them. In the instant joined 
 
 < Benvulio > The flaming Tybalt, with his dickpick prepar'd; 
 
 < Benvulio > Which, as he cried `` Muh feels'' into my ears, 
 
 < Benvulio > He pushed onto my box and opened it, 
 
 < Benvulio > Who, not a fag, diss'd him in scorn. 
 
 < Benvulio > While we were interchanging trashtalk and pics, 
 
 < Benvulio > Came more and more, and post on part and part, 
 
 < Benvulio > Till the Prince joined, who parted either part. 
 
 < Olderthenyou >... 
 
 < CutieMilf > O, where is Romeo? Saw you him log on today? 
 
 < CutieMilf > Right glad I am hed post not in this fray. 
 
 < Benvulio > M'lady, an hour before the rising of the'mericunts 
 
 < Benvulio > they join'd forth the golden servers of comcast, 
 
 < Benvulio > A troubled mind drave me to change my chan; 
 
 < Benvulio > Where, on the outside, in the court of foods, 
 
 < Benvulio > That westward rooteth from the shopping mall, 
 
 < Benvulio > So early walking did I see your son. 
 
 < Benvulio > Towards him I made; but he was ware of me 
 
 < Benvulio > And stole into the topic of the hot. 
 
 < Benvulio > I... 
 
 < Benvulio > - measuring his affections by my own, 
 
 < Benvulio > Which then most sought where most might not be found, 
 
 < Benvulio > Being one too many by my weary self- 
 
 < Benvulio > Pursu'd my hunger, not Pursuing his, 
 
 < Benvulio > And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me. 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Many a morning hath he there been seen, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > With tears augmenting the fresh mountain's dew, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs; 
 
 < Olderthenyou > But all so soon as the all-cheering crowds 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Should in the furthest East begin to rise 
 
 < Olderthenyou > The faggot flees from all his thread, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Away from votes steals home my heavy son 
 
 < Olderthenyou > And private in his room he locks himself, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Opens his windows, lets in fair daylight 
 
 < Olderthenyou > And in this then writes artificial night. 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Black and portentous must his emo-mindness prove 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Unless good counsel may the cause remove. 
 
 < Benvulio > My noble uncle, do you know the cause? 
 
 < Olderthenyou > I neither know it nor can query him 
 
 < Benvulio > Have you offened him by any means? 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Both called an emo and a fag; 
 
 < Olderthenyou > But he, his own Improvements' counsellor, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Is to himself- I will not guess how true- 
 
 < Olderthenyou > But to himself so secret and so close, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > So far from Lifting and top doggery, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > As is the manlet from a decent lift 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Ere he could train his body in th gymn, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Or dedicate his alpha to the grills. 
 
 < Olderthenyou > Could we but learn from whence his emo grow, 
 
 < Olderthenyou > We would as willingly give advice animals as know. 
 
 < User Romeo just entered # montaguecommons >. 
 
 < Benvulio > See, there he joins. 
 
 < Benvulio > So please now let me work my swag, 
 
 < Benvulio > I'll know his grievance, or be called a fag. 
 
 < Olderthenyou > I would call homo him if I did stay 
 
 < Olderthenyou > I know. This sucks. Come, madam, let's away, 
 
 < User CutieMilf left # montaguecommons > 
 
 < User Olderthenyou left # montaguecommons > 
 
 < Benvulio > Good morrow, faggit. 
 
 < Romeo > Is it drink time yet? 
 
 < Benvulio > It just struck nine. 
 
 < Romeo > Ay me! Your hours seem long... 
 
 < Romeo > Was that my father that logged off so fast? 
 
 < Benvulio > It was. 
 
 < Benvulio > What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours? 
 
 < Romeo > Not having that which having makes them short. 
 
 < Benvulio > Upvotes? 
 
 < Romeo > Out- 
 
 < Benvulio > Of gold? 
 
 < Romeo > Out of her favour where I am in love. 
 
 < Benvulio > Alas that qt's, so gentle in my view, 
 
 < Benvulio > Should be so strange and rough in proof! 
 
 < Romeo > Alas that love, whose view is muffled still, 
 
 < Romeo > Should without eyes add wanting to my will! 
 
 < Romeo > Where shall we dine? 
 
 < Announcementbot mas updated MOTD > MOTD: User prince threatens anyone who trolls 
 
 # verona again with q-lines and permabans. 
 
 < Romoe > O me! What fray was there? 
 
 < Romeo > Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all. 
 
 < Romeo > Here's much to do with being alpha, but more with love. 
 
 < Romeo > Why then, O bro-like love! O shirtless hate! 
 
 < Romeo > O trollery, of nothing rage create! 
 
 < Romeo > O heavy dickpicks! serious trollery! 
 
 < Romeo > Misshapen forms of alpha-seeming men! 
 
 < Romeo > Rolls of fat, bright piples, greasy hair, sick health! 
 
 < Romeo > A contest of Masculinity, that is not what it is 
 
 < Romeo > This love feel I, that feel when no GF in this. 
 
 < Romeo >... 
 
 < Romeo >... 
 
 < Romeo >... 
 
 < Romeo > Dost thou not rofl? 
 
 < Benvulio > No, cuz, I'd rather weep. 
 
 < Romeo > Good heavens, at what? 
 
 < Benvulio > man, at thy good heart's depression! 
 
 < Romeo > Why, such is no homo love's transgression. 
 

