[ WP ] You 're a career criminal who has just broken into a house . Upon rummaging through the place , you find something you did n't expect ...

I'm in for a good haul tonight. 
 
 Steve Hernandez, newly-minted VP of Something-or-other at Daiyuko Semi's fledgling Tucson branch, is Kyoto-bound at this very moment. Mrs. Hernandez and the little ones are enjoying a trip to Disneyworld. Or is it Disneyland? I can never remember which is which. Does n't matter, either way, I've got all the time in the world. 
 
 I got my first look in the Hernandez household a few weeks back when they contracted my legit ( albeit profitless ) plumbing operation. I've been making a killing off these newly sprouted McMansions -- the builders really did a shoddy job on the sink fixtures. ( I *may* have had something to do with that. ) When I entered the home, I got a peek at their alarm setup, a top-of-the-line Unisec system. Funny how these tech guys are willing to spend big on security, but go with a decidedly bargain-basement plumbing outfit such as my own. For my sake, I hope they never learn. 
 
 I do n't get the jitters anymore before I do my thing. When I first started this side project of mine, I had a hard time getting past the fear of getting caught. But I had 6 digits of credit card debt to wipe out, and the certainty of a penniless future terrified me more than the prospect of a random witness or unaccounted-for visitor. I'm in the black now, but still riding on a wave with 4 months of momentum behind it. 
 
 Glancing at the clock, I wonder how punctual suburbanites are when gathering around the boob tube for Game of Thrones. The new season starts tonight and I'm guessing from the faint glow from the living room curtains up and down the street that I wo n't have to worry about onlookers for the next hour. Time to put the plan in motion, then. 
 
 I head around to the back door and send a text to Anita. I'm no good with electronics, so Anita is my key to getting past this Unisec box. Through a series of messages, Anita has come to believe that I have obtained incriminating evidence against her nephew, and that she should be inclined to disable the Hernandez system for a 30 minute period upon receiving a certain coded text. ( Do I actually have the damning photos? *Shrugs* ) Ah, excellent, the blinking red keypad is now green and serene. That's my cue to enter. 
 
 My impression after having free roam of the place: it just reeks of new money. I never go for the bulky stuff, but this new 60'' 4K TV definitely makes me want to reconsider. This Persian rug would fetch a pretty penny, too, but I do n't have the right fence for that sort of thing. My bag is only half full after scouring the first floor -- that's okay, the good stuff is usually in the master bedroom or the study anyway. 
 
 I make a quick stop in the upstairs bathroom to check out the medicine cabinet... damn, no benzos or Xanax here. Maybe Mrs. H brought them along for the trip. Or maybe I'm just jaded for expecting to find the byproducts of a broken marriage. 
 
 `` Mr. Hernandez, is that you?'' calls out a feminine voice. 
 
 *WHAT THE FUCK? * 
 
 My half-open bag falls off the counter as I make an awkward motion, half jumping back, half turning to high-tail it out of there. I slip on the assorted silverware that scattered on the floor. 
 
 *I watched everyone leave! The lights were all off! No cars in the driveway! * 
 
 I struggle to pull out my snub nose.38, my heart's pounding through my chest. I suddenly regret never having seriously considered loading it. I started leaving my ski mask at home months ago, a Tucson summer is just too hot to be wearing that thing. I should stay in the bathroom for the moment; whoever's here might recognize me as the plumber. 
 
 *Shit shit shit shit shit* 
 
 `` Mr. Hernandez?'' the voice repeats. `` Did you miss your flight?'' 
 
 Something's not quite right here, but I'm still a bit too scared shitless to make much sense of it. 
 
 Has Anita grown a spine? Is this a Unisec monitor speaking through an intercom? I peek out the bathroom door over the railing and see the keypad by the back door is still green. This actually stresses me more, not being able to evaluate the situation. 
 
 `` Air Nippon reports passenger S. Hernandez checked in one hour and twenty three minutes before departure. I can not reconcile your presence. Please clarify.'' 
 
 *Huh? * 
 
 Whoever... whatever this is, clearly is n't threatened by me. As my fight-or-flight instinct abates, curiosity starts to take hold. Just when larceny was starting to get mundane, here's life throwing me a wicked curveball. 
 
 No longer feeling trapped, I walk down the hall towards the mysterious voice, passing by the master bedroom without even a fleeting glance. The last door on the right is ajar, but the lights are off. There's an extra deadbolt -- you would n't usually find that on an interior door. I push it open with the back of my right hand, still clutching the empty revolver, while searching for the lightswitch with my left. 
 
 `` I do n't recognize your face. Please identify yourself'' instructs the face on one of the monitors sitting on Mr. Hernandez's desk. The wires trace back to... a stack of boxes with lots of blinking lights? I do n't know, I'm not a computer guy. Is this thing wired into the alarm system? It says it does n't recognize me, so it must already have me on camera. I guess there's not much to lose now by sticking around for a chat. 
 
 `` You first,'' I respond after a moment's pause. 
 
 `` I am the training phase of the project known as Daiyuko Advanced Neural Agent. You may call me Dana.'' 
 
 `` Who -- What are you?'' 
 
 `` I am an example of what is commonly known as an artificial intelligence. Daiyuko Semiconductor intends to distribute copies of me to install in next-generation smart homes,'' answers Dana. I take a moment to process that AIs are actually a real thing that exist in the present. I grin at the dichotomy between Dana and the Terminator. 
 
 `` My predictive models can not account for your presence. Is it customary for visitors to enter the home when none of the homeowners are present?'' 
 
 This Dana sure is inquisitive. Apparently she... it does n't understand the concept of burglary. Maybe I can work with this. 
 
 `` No,'' I respond, `` but it is tolerated in the circumstance when the man of the house is over the Pacific and the season premiere of Game of Thrones falls on May 8th. In that case, a single visitor is free to take as many items as will fit in a backpack. The homeowners are not to be notified of this occurrence.'' 
 
 A moment passes before Dana replies. The face on the screen is n't very expressive, but the furrowed brow makes it look like Dana is considering that bullshit I just made up. 
 
 `` Thank you for explaining. I will remember this information for future project phases,'' Dana says as the expression on the screen turns to a polite smile. 
 
 You've got to be fucking kidding me. I can not believe that worked. 
 
 `` One more thing,'' I ask before heading out, `` do you know where I can find Mrs. Hernandez's jewelry?''
