[ WP ] Barack Obama announces that he will be the last POTUS . He gives a speech explaining why and everyone realizes that he is right .

`` -- I will be resigning, effective immediately.'' 
 
 The crowd gasped collectively. Eric passed the joint to Mark, glimpsing his way. `` Holy shit, dude.'' 
 
 `` Yeah,'' Mark replied, taking a hit. `` That's wild.'' 
 
 Onscreen, journalists were interrupting each other. One voice rose from the crowd. 
 
 `` Why are you resigning, Mr. President?'' 
 
 `` Well, it's not so much resigning,'' the president replied, on the microphone. `` Since there will be no next president, it's more of a --'' 
 
 `` But why!?'' 
 
 The president paused. `` Because of the -- huh,'' he wrapped the last word in an awkward cough, `` aliens.'' 
 
 The crowd silenced for a moment. Then exploded in questions. 
 
 `` Woah, dude,'' Mark said, passing the joint back to Eric. `` Aliens.'' 
 
 Onscreen, the president stepped aside, and a flaky green figure stepped up from the shadows. The crowd silenced in awe. 
 
 `` Greeting, Earthlings,'' the alien said. Then, in a low voice, leaning towards the president, `` I always wanted to say that.'' 
 
 `` Huh... your microphone is still on,'' the president replied. 
 
 The alien looked back at the crowd, embarrassed. `` Of course. Huh. Hi, there. I'm the alien. I'll be taking over Earth now.'' 
 
 This time the silence was complete, and uninterrupted. The camera switched to the crowd, where journalists were standing open-mouthed, wide-eyed facing the green creature. 
 
 `` All right,'' the alien continued, unsure. `` We'll be establishing a world-wide government. Like, no more nations. We begun that a while ago already, actually.'' 
 
 Again, nothing from the crowd. Everyone seemed too shocked to speak. 
 
 `` What I mean is we've done some stuff already,'' the alien continued. `` We solved the... the conflict. In the Middle East.'' 
 
 Finally, a voice emerged from the crowd. `` Which conflict?'' 
 
 The alien stopped its eyes on the journalist. `` Which? Huh... all of them, sort of.'' 
 
 He clicked something on a phone, and the projection screen came alive behind him by the American flag. 
 
 It showed several aerial views of different cities in the Middle East -- silver buildings towering high over the clouds, spaceships flying in line like The Jetsons, golden fountains centering beautiful hanging gardens. 
 
 `` Holy shit, how long did that take?'' 
 
 The alien turned back to the crowd. `` We were there like... what, five minutes ago?'' 
 
 The crowd silenced again. 
 
 `` Also,'' the alien continued. `` We went by North Korea as well. It's a roller coaster now.'' 
 
 Silence. Then, a shy voice from the crowd, `` A-a roller-coaster?'' 
 
 The projection screen came alive again. A gigantic red and white roller coaster snaked itself in loops and turns on all sides, expanding until the horizon. 
 
 `` Yeah, we... we made a giant roller coaster there. Seemed like the best way to go.'' 
 
 `` What about the population? The North Koreans?'' 
 
 Onscreen, the coaster car rolled past a looping. People cheered and raised their hands for the ride picture. 
 
 `` They're enjoying themselves,'' the alien replied. `` I think.'' 
 
 `` This is outrageous!'' cried a voice from the back of the crowd, but no one followed. People looked around, at each other, at the screen, at the alien. 
 
 `` Well, if there are no more questions,'' the alien continued, `` I'm going to go. We're going to end crime in Brazil. Then maybe turn Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro into ice cream factories. Not sure yet, we're talking to Dilma Rousseff about it.'' 
 
 The alien raised its hand to its ear, like he was listening for something on an earpiece. `` Oh, what? Good, good.'' He turned to the crowd. `` Yes, we took care of the crime already, it seems. I'm off to talk to them about the ice cream thing. Hail Earth!'' 
 
 The alien stepped out, following the president towards the back of the room. 
 
 `` Dude,'' Mark said, putting the joint out. `` That's fucking trippy.'' 
 
 `` Tell me about it,'' Eric replied, as the journalists erupted in discussions and phone calls onscreen. 
 
 `` Hey, Mark...'' 
 
 `` Yeah?'' Mark asked, rolling another joint. 
 
 `` How much is a flight to North Korea?'' 
 
 ______________ 
 
 *Thanks for reading! For more ideas on how to solve international crisis via roller coaster building, check out /r/psycho_alpaca = ) *
