[ WP ] I was n't trying to overthrow the kingdom . I was just trying to get back home .

I was n't trying to over throw the kingdom, I was just trying to get home. But I guess I'm kind of in charge now, a man in an stupid hat had whispered `` if you kill the king, you become the king.'' 
 
 So now I'm going to go down in their books as some kind of femme fatale who seduced and murdered their brave ruler, and maybe its better for his family if that's the story they tell. But between you and me that guy would have keeled over any day now. Big around as a barrel with a torso shaped like a Granny Smith apple, there's no way they do n't have heart attacks here. Swear to god I watched him eat a whole stock pot of some gross cream and poultry dish, I do n't even know what it was. it reminded me of that time we got 2am food truck chicken and waffles but the waffles were still batter in the middle. Your dumb ass got so sick and promised me you'd never drink rum again. 
 
 I miss you. 
 
 I have this plan, though. If I tell the queen, ( ex queen? Or still queen? My queen? I'd be stoked AF if she was my queen looks just like that Jewish girl I kissed at that party ) that I need her help and she needs mine maybe she'll be cool about it. 
 
 They've got this metal animal statue that zaps you if you touch it, some kind of religious thing, and if I can charge my controller on it it'll maybe give me enough time to shift again. Religious experience, flash of light, I'm gone, they're all `` ah shit she's gone'' queen gets to take credit for getting the gods to smite me, I get one shift closer to home, and then we probably get to sue the dick off of Apple, right? My roommate slept with a pre-law guy one time. Remind me to txt her. 
 
 Swear to god if you get home before I do and you do n't message me back we are done-ion rings. Love you.
