[ WP ] You are being chased down by a group of Leonardo DiCaprio impersonators . All you want to do is remember how you got in this situation .

They were gaining on me. They ran swiftly and silently, except for the occasional quote from *The Departed* or *Wolf of Wall Street*. They hurdled benches and tables, vaulting over railings and off staircases. I could n't escape their bulldog-faced rage. 
 
 The situation seemed like a dream. How could I have pissed off so many DiCaprios at once? The last thing I remember I was at a party, talking to just one of them. It may have been the actual Leo. I had made a joke about the Oscars, and about *Titanic*, and he had laughed and punched my arm. He asked me if I wanted a drink. I did. He asked me if I wanted a bump, and held out a spoon with a bit of white powder on it. I snorted it. Then... 
 
 Then I'm not sure. There was something with a party and models, at a mansion. Was it Dicaprio's? 
 
 A manhole jiggled in front of me, and I swerved my bicycle around it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a *Gangs of New York* DiCaprio pop out of the hole and scream in frustration. It was an unearthly howl. Then it was echoed by the hordes of DiCaprios behind. 
 
 At the mansion, there had been a basement. It was where we were having the orgy with the models. I had picked up a naked model and was carrying her down some stairs. Then I slipped. She went flying, and I heard a crash. My head hurt, and I was dazed. I stumbled upstairs, but everybody was gone. 
 
 I heard a roar behind me. I glanced back. 5 of the DiCaprios had joined together into a mega Leo, taking huge strides and snarling out lines from *The Great Gatsby*. God help me. 
 
 Now I remember. I remember Leo's face, ashen. He had told me I had unleashed his clone-brothers, that there was no turning back now. He told me to run. I had stumbled out in the street, still dazed, my head swimming. Then they had began to chase me. 
 
 I should have paid more attention to my riding. But it's so easy to lose track of things. I must have hit a rock, because I went flying and landed in a heap. The rabid DiCaprios were on top of me in an instant. 
 
 Surrounded, I closed my eyes and prayed to every god I knew. I heard a strange humming, then a rhythmic thumping, like tribal music. I opened my eyes. I saw Leonardo DiCaprio in a pilot's uniform over me. 
 
 `` It's the way of the future,'' he said. 
 
 Then I saw and heard no more.
