[ WP ] The people of New York have gotten used to the constant Alien invasions , monster attacks and other supernatural disasters . You 're a New Yorker narrating a normal day .

Oh god. Not again. Well, looks like another alien attack this week. That's the third time this year. Plus that monster attack in February, and it's only April. I guess I'm taking the subway to work. Pity, with the weather turning nice I was going to bike in. And the station is still 3 blocks from work, so I've got to run that distance. I'd call in, but I need that vacation time to visit mom next month. 
 
 Let's see, what to wear? With alien attacks no one will really care about my outfit much. Need something comfortable for running. Definitely not the pumps, where are my sneakers? Denim jacket, what else? Oooh, this blouse is sturdy and looks good with these jeans. Anything else before I head out the door? I hope mace works on these assholes. Better grab the baton, just in case. And hand sanitizer. Last time I forgot that I got acid burns where the fucker bled on me. 
 
 Take the stairs down, of course. Rick's already at the bar, has the bat and a molotov out. Good to know he's guarding the building. Still, glad I've got renter's insurance. The peace of mind is worth the $ 500 a month they started charging after some moron dragged a giant fucking lizard-monster and its babies ashore. Sherryl says it was way cheaper that time in the 80's when some moldy Babylonian god tore up Central Park West. 
 
 From the doorway, check both ways, check up, sky's clear, go. Sprint to the corner, grab a pretzel from the stand and drop a $ 5. Dude deserves at least that much tip for standing out here today. Head up the next block and there's the stairs down. 
 
 Oh fuck, one of them's coming over that building. Dammit! Keep one hand on the baton, just in case, and keep running. Jump the stairs five at a time and.... Nailed the landing! Haha! Swipe my card, and let's see the bloated motherfucker get through a turnstile. 
 
 Swing around to the platform. C'mon, fucking trains. Of course it's fucking late today, right when I need it. I swear to God one of these days I move out of the city. There it is now, okay, that's not that late. I'll get there with time to spare. And who am I kidding, who'd want to leave New York? Sinatra had it right about this town. 
 
 Seriously? What's with that guy? Dude, why the fuck are you wearing that stupid red suit? And swords and guns? Who do you think you are? Fucking Rambo? Oh shit, he's turning. Do n't make eye contact. Never ever make eye contact on the subway. Do n't notice him. Do n't notice anything. Three stops to go. Oh good, the idiot's gone. I though we had more than enough of those weirdos. This one probably wo n't last long anyway. Stupid spandex suit, not a set of futuristic power-armor that's for sure. 
 
 Here's my stop. Platform looks clear enough, better get going. Those things did n't look small enough to pass through the subway turnstiles anyway, better be careful about the exit though. Peer around this corner... looks safe enough... better go for it. Okay, everything seems good at least up to street level. Best inch up the stairs slowly though. 
 
 All right. Just a few blocks and we're inside again. Better make a run for it again. Damn, these alien attacks are doing wonders for my figure. I swear I've lost 10 pounds in the last month. Sprint up the block, hard right, jump the debris, OH FUCK!! 
 
..... 
 
 I'm.... not dead? That's wonderful. That truck did n't hit me its.... Suspended right above my head, I should move right now. Oh, it's being held up by webs. There he is! `` Fuck Yeah, Spidey!'' 
 
 Damn, I'd love to get into those spandex pants.
