[ WP ] An alien race has landed on the moon to `` recover and defend '' their history territory . You have been sent from Earth to negotiate the release human astronauts abducted by the aliens and possible peace terms or there would be war .

The teacup to my left had been empty for some time. The saucer of rattled as I studied the phone, dead centre before me. The handle was grey plastic, a smooth finish, and beside it stood a black cube about one foot high. This phone was one of the few that had a universal translator attached to it. 
 
 *Let's hope it works, * I thought as the line came alive. 
 
 `` You ready?'' Dr. Kidd said from my right. 
 
 I nodded, shaking. The crackling in the earpiece transformed into a waiting tone. *Doot doot... doot... doot... * 
 
 On the fifth ring the alien picked up. 
 
 `` Hello?'' spoke the computer. 
 
 `` Wade Parker, speaking from Earth,'' I said. `` I have been sent by my planet to negotiate terms with you. What are your demands?'' 
 
 `` We want the moon back. None of this - and here the computer crackled, but I think it was something like'fucking bullshit' - flags and rovers. We'll leave the commemorative plaque be, but in case you have n't yet realised, the Moon is our ancestral territory. We have held it since before the Earth was formed.'' 
 
 `` Hey, now wait a minute,'' I blurted out. `` The Earth was formed about the same time as the moon, you can't-'' 
 
 `` *Our* history, Earthman,'' the alien replied. `` We have the guns - we write the history. And I suggest if you want to bring your astronauts home, I suggest you *respect* our right to keep this opinion, as much as we respect your right to exist so close to us. You know this - history is always written by the victors. Now move aside and let us write it, and we might not kill the astronauts.'' 
 
 Dr. Kidd gripped my arm tightly. My fists balled up, but thankfully it was not audible. `` Okay,'' I said. `` We can negotiate something. How about the moon gets split fifty-fifty - you guys keep the far side, and we keep the near side-'' 
 
 A high-pitched laughter, like the screeching of steel on steel, came back down the line. `` Do n't patronise me. You know very well you can not hold the near side of the moon. Your species still think digital watches are a cool thing - what chance do you have?'' 
 
 Dr. Kidd shook my arm urgently. I turned away from my phone and looked at him. 
 
 `` What are you doing?'' he asked. `` The President has already allowed you to agree to all their terms - agree!'' 
 
 `` Then they'll think they've been cheated,'' I whispered. `` They'll start wondering how come it was so easy. We have to give them the *impression* that *they won concessions from us, * not that we limply gave them what they wanted, otherwise they might suspect there's a trick on and kill the astronauts anyway. Diplomacy does n't happen in a vacuum - you always have to think of everyone involved.'' 
 
 Dr. Kidd opened his mouth again, then closed it. I nodded and smiled a nervy smile. Turning back to the phone I said, `` It's not very fair of you to claim our satellite entirely for yourself. How about we give you administrative rights to the whole thing, and then we get to collaboratively help you build your installations on the side. Sound fair?'' 
 
 The alien broke off the call. I thought I heard some whispers, but it was hard to differentiate between the static and the whispering. Then it came back. 
 
 `` Very well, Earthling,'' it said. `` Now about the installations-'' 
 
 `` We'd like them to not be military,'' I responded, instinctively reaching for the empty teacup. `` It is my duty to inform you that you might be able to squash us like fire ants, but that fire ants too, can poison, and in large numbers can incapacitate.'' 
 
 There was a sharp intake of breath to my right. I had to think for several seconds before I understood why. Of course the aliens had no conception of fire ants or any Earth fauna - why would they? 
 
 And then there was nothing on the other end of the line. 
 
 I held my breath, ready to call in the troops, but just then, the connection came on again, and the alien said: 
 
 `` Agreed. We will require some form of acknowledgement that the Moon belongs to us-'' 
 
 `` I am authorised to do that,'' I responded. Flicking a button, I switched my phone to the public channel. `` Let it be known that I, Wade Percival, do hereby acknowledge that the Moon belongs to alien forces in perpetuity.'' 
 
 I held my breath, waiting. There was a strange crackling in the background like that of flesh rubbing on fabric. Finally I heard a voice come back on, and the alien took the bait. 
 
 `` Alright,'' it said. `` Your astronauts-'' 
 
 `` Are they alive?'' I said, and slammed down the phone before I heard the answer. 
 
 `` Quickly, Dr Kidd -'' I cried. `` Get the spaceships ready to attack. The aliens plan to kill them anyway-'' 
 
 `` How do you know that?'' he asked. 
 
 `` I *heard* it,'' I replied. `` Get forces ready to invade the Moon in an hour - and ring all the other alien consulates. It's going to be a free for all in a bit-'' 
 
 `` You conceded the moon,'' Dr. Kidd pointed out. 
 
 `` I conceded it to *alien species*,'' I said. `` The computer automatically translate that to mean the one I'm talking to, but the public channel broadcast-'' 
 
 `` You didn't-'' Dr. Wade whispered. 
 
 `` I did,'' I nodded. `` Call the troops. And make me another cup of tea - this one will have to last for a while until all the other aliens finish up with the Battle of the Moon.'' 
 
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 /r/KCcracker
