[ WP ] You 're the exact opposite of the Hulk . Your powers activate when you 're calm , and you become normal when you 're angry .

`` ARE YOU KIDDING ME?'' yelled Gordon Ramsay. `` YOU LITTLE LAZY PIECE OF -'' 
 
 `` Gordon, telephone,'' chirped Gordon's secretary. 
 
 Gordon closed his book and picked up his stress relief ball. 
 
 `` Hello?'' 
 
 `` This is Gordon.'' 
 
 `` We were wondering if you could fly out to Iowa for a show?'' 
 
 `` IOWA?!'' Gordon yelled in his head. `` IOWA?!?!!!?'' 
 
 `` Ok,'' said Gordon. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Gordon got on his private jet and began cooking a five star meal. Everyone loved it. However, he seemed a little off. 
 
 `` Are you ok, Mr. Ramsay?'' asked his pilot. 
 
 `` Well, I have a little headache,'' replied Gordon. `` I'm sure I'll feel normal soon.'' 
 
 `` Of course, sir,'' said his pilot, taking the hint. 
 
 As soon as Gordon had sat back down, the pilot disengaged the plane's autopilot and played Space Invaders with the joystick. 
 
 `` WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?'' bellowed Gordon. `` DID YOU JUST LEARN TO FLY A PLANE YESTERDAY YOU GLORIFIED FLIGHT ATTENDANT?!'' 
 
 `` Ah, I'm feeling much better,'' Gordon whispered to the pilot. `` Keep it up.'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 When the plane landed, Gordon suavely talked his way into a free cab, a free hotel room, and another free world-class dinner at a top tier restaurant. While eating, he was struck by creative genius and invented a signature dish while optimizing the restaurant by 300 %. 
 
 Unfortunately, he felt that he was coming down with a slight cold. 
 
 `` Excuse me,'' he politely asked the head chef, `` could you please chop this onion a millimeter too large?'' 
 
 `` Certainly, Mr. Ramsay,'' responded the chef. 
 
 `` WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU SON OF A BITCH?!'' exploded Gordon. `` NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. YOU'RE MORE OF A DAUGHTER. LET A REAL MAN CHOP YOUR ONIONS.'' 
 
 The onions cleared Gordon's sinuses while his anger helped his immune system recover from the long, quiet cab ride. 
 
 -- - 
 
 On set, Gordon helped the novice chefs improve their cooking tremendously. He even took the stupidest one aside for a minute, and returned him a culinary savant. 
 
 While demonstrating his chopping technique, Gordon felt a muscle in his finger stretch a little too much. 
 
 `` Would you be so kind as to hand me that pot?'' he asked one of his pupils. 
 
 `` Of course!'' said the cheery youngster. 
 
 `` ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU ACTUALLY SERIOUS?'' Gordon screamed. `` YOU JUST HANDED ME THAT POT WITH TWO HANDS. ONE HAND. YOU GOT THAT? ONE HAND SO THAT YOUR OTHER HAND CAN ALWAYS BE CHOPPING. DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?'' 
 
 `` B-but-'' 
 
 Gordon smashed his fist into the cutting board twice and hurled the pot at the wall. 
 
 `` YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS GORDON RAMSAY SIR OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FILLET YOU WITH A BUTTER KNIFE.'' 
 
 Gordon smashed his fist into another pot until it ( the pot ) had a hole in it. 
 
 His hand felt much better. 
 
 `` Thank you for opening your restaurant to me,'' Gordon said sweetly. `` If you ever need anything, give me a call!'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 /r/translationlostin 
 

