[ WP ] You have died and have been sentenced to Heck .

It was all like becoming conscious during a dream or something. There I stood -- all of a sudden, without arriving, just there -- in the middle of what looked like a crowded outdoor mall around Christmas. Only, there were no decorations, it was just crowded. filled with regular people doing regular things. 
 
 `` Welcome to Heck.'' He said unenthusiastically while looking at the long line for the apple store. 
 
 `` what?'' 
 
 `` Welcome to heck. You're new here, you got that orange sticker on your name tag.'' he said pointing out the apparent name tag i had on my flannel shirt. 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Im Darren, nice to meet you. I know they make you wear that for the first couple of days you arrive. So what do you think of the place?'' He asked with a sarcastic smile, the same kind of smile you get from someone who sees you shoveling snow and makes a weather joke. 
 
 `` the fuck is heck!? 
 
 `` Oh shit, your like new-new here, like just now new. Listen man, I'm honored to be the one to tell you this. You died, this is Heck. Like, not Heaven. not Hell, but like Heck, you know. Just Heck.'' 
 
 `` I'm dead?'' I said with an air of confusion. `` Where's the white pearly gates or the guy who's supposed to read off my naughty and nice list? Is n't there supposed to be a guy?'' 
 
 `` No Guy, common man, its 2016. They got computers for that shit now.'' Darren said with a smile. `` Listen, I do n't have all day to explain this to you cause i got to get in line for the new iPhone 7, that shit is sweet, but because your new here, I'ma give you the basics. Heck is a place you go when you die. Yes, Heaven is real, Yes Hell is real, but those are like for the goodie-goodies and the real bad mother fuckers. Heck is more in between. More like Earth-light. Like, you cant die again so that's cool, but like you're kinda stuck here for eternity. It ai n't all bad though, wifi is cheap, rent is reasonab...'' 
 
 `` Wait, wait wait!'' I pouted off interrupting him mid sentence. `` Wifi? rent? you have to pay rent when your dead?'' 
 
 `` Oh yeah bruh, rent, wifi, water, gas, utilities, taxes. But do n't worry, the employment office will find you a job that pays pretty good. Plus the housing office will probably get you into a house by the end of the week. Trust me dude, its not that bad. Its Middle Management. Heck is the Middle Management of the Heavens with no possibility of upward mobility. Middle Management Bro!'' 

