[ WP ] You reject someone by saying `` I 'll go on a date with you the day hell freezes over . '' The next day , Satan appears in your room , shivering , and covered in snow .

Janice scratched her butt lazily as she stared at the tall cloaked man in the hallway. She gave him a good look over through her disheveled black hair, taking note of the snow dripping on her doorway, and her eyes momentarily paused on cloven hoofs peaking out from under the hem surrounded by a growing puddle. Odd considering it was New York City in July. But hell, she was n't a meteorologist. 
 
 She stretched and yawned, and turned away, closing the door sleepily. It was only 2 p.m. and way too early for whatever this guy was trying to sell. `` Sorry, I am not interested.'' 
 
 A hoof wedged forward to prevent the door from closing, and a red hand with large claws pushed the door forward. Goat eyes stared down into Janice's annoyed ones. `` What the fuck. Get out.'' The slim girl shoved her shoulder against the door, but it did n't budge against the monster's strength. `` I told you I am not interested.'' 
 
 A hiss escaped from the creature's mouth. `` What did you do Janice?'' 
 
 `` I do n't know. I do know right now I am trying to get your ass out of my apartment. Get out or I am calling the cops!'' 
 
 The monster laughed, `` Cops? Cops? Do you know who I am?'' The heavy wooden door suddenly dissolved into heated ash. Janice stood there momentarily, awkwardly realizing a door no longer stood between her and her intruder. 
 
 With a small, frustrated noise, she dropped the door knob into the crumbling dust of her door and strode into the kitchen. `` Whatever. You are paying for that door. It was... at least $ 3000. Yeah, that sounds right.'' 
 
 `` What? That door was only $ 800 tops. Where did you get a number like-'' He paused, and shook his head angrily, `` No, it does n't matter. I am here because you ruined Hell. It's like Christmas down there.'' 
 
 Janice stomped back into the room, holding a bottle of whiskey. `` Ya do n't say. How did little old mortal me do that?'' She took a swig before pouring a glass. She glanced back at the monster. `` You are n't getting any.'' 
 
 `` I do n't care. I followed the clues-'' 
 
 `` Ah, a good ol' fashioned Nancy Drew...'' 
 
 `` AND I believe you are behind Hell freezing over.'' 
 
 Janice rolled her eyes and gestured impatiently in his general direction. `` How do you know Hell froze over? You a devil or something?'' 
 
 The monster pulled back the hood of the cloak, with flames and smoke billowing from his back. `` I AM SATAN. THE RULER OF THE UNDERWORLD AND TORTURER OF SINNERS.'' He loomed dramatically over her and waited for the terror. 
 
 She sniffed and took a sip of whiskey. `` I guess that explains the red skin. And here I thought you just had bad psoriasis.'' 
 
 `` What? I am Satan. I rule Hell? Torture-'' 
 
 `` Sinners. Got it. So why are you here?'' 
 
 `` Well, you froze Hell. Were n't you listening?'' 
 
 `` Not really. And I did n't freeze Hell. I have been too busy.'' 
 
 `` What were you doing last night?'' 
 
 `` Doing my camgirl business.'' Disgusted horror flittered across her face. `` Ye gawds, you are n't one of those creepy fans, are you? Ew.'' 
 
 `` No, I am not your fan.'' The devil let out a frustrated sigh. `` Did you say anything like'when hell freezes over' last night?'' 
 
 `` Maybe. I was really drunk though. Oh! One of my clients was being really pushy, wanted to come to my apartment or something and I remember I told him off.'' She paused and thought for moment, her brow knitting into pretty confusion, and then nodded with confirmation. `` Yeah, I think that's right. I really should cut back on the drinking.'' She took another sip. 
 
 Satan cocked his head with interest. `` What was the client's name?'' 
 
 `` Richard, Barry, Zeus, Eric, Mort. One of those.'' 
 
 The devil paused and look thoughtful. `` Did you say... Barry? Could that be Larry?'' 
 
 `` Maybe?'' 
 
 The monster laughed triumphantly. `` To think, the old bloke is talking to camgirls these days. It all makes sense now! Oh, how the mighty have fallen.'' 
 
 The slightly tipsy woman finally looked a bit intrigued. `` You know Barry? I mean, Larry? Is he famous?'' 
 
 `` Not as much as others. More of a B-lister.'' 
 
 Janice nodded. `` Not bad. I'll take it. Does he have money?'' 
 
 `` Nope.'' Janice deflated a bit and the devil continued, `` But he does have some power.'' 
 
 Janice perked up. `` Really? What country?'' 
 
 `` If you come with me, you'll find out. We need to get this sorted out quickly, and get Larry over... whatever this is. Hell was only slightly frozen over, so it's cold enough to make Hell actually pretty pleasant, but not cold enough to torture anyone. Which wo n't do.'' Satan lips tightened in concern. `` It wo n't do at all. The sinners have taken up merry snowball wars.'' 
 
 Janice chuckled with benign amusement​ and flopped onto her couch. `` I am not going anywhere. Not my problem, rash butt.'' 
 
 `` If you come with me, I'll give you one wish. I wo n't even require your soul in exchange.'' 
 
 `` So archaic.'' 
 
 `` Two wishes.'' 
 
 `` Not happening.'' 
 
 The devil sighed, and rubbed his gnarled forehead with mildly deep thought. With sudden speed, he grabbed the young woman by the neck and wrenched her off the couch. He sneered, `` Well, now you get no wishes.'' 
 
 Immediately, they were in front of a Starbucks. Janice coughed in ragged breaths as Satan unceremoniously dropped her to the ground. 
 
 `` What the fuck?'' Janice gasped. 
 
 Satan shrugged. `` We need to talk to Jesus.'' 
 
 `` Jesus is Larry?!'' 
 
 `` Nope. But he would know where Larry is. They have a bit of a bond. Jesus usually works at Starbucks on the weekends, so for holy beings he is usually easier to find.'' 
 
 `` What the fuck. Who is Larry then?'' 
 
 The devil waved his red, scaly hand vaguely at her to enter the cafe, `` Why, he is the Holy Ghost. Do n't they teach you anything in school these days? I read your profile. You went to Catholic School.'' 
 
 `` I learned a lot about drugs.'' 
 
 `` Good enough.'' 
 
 
 

