[ WP ] Autocorrect has become sentient and is hell-bent on causing maximum chaos .

`` Hi Honey. Listen, about those texts... wait, please stop shouting. Please? Okay, I'll hear you out. Uh huh. Yes. I understand. No, you're not a fat pig. Yes, it was auto correct. Yes. No, really. Yes, there were way too many, I agree. No, let me explain. No, I did not fuck your mother. That's just gross. Nor did I fuck Jennifer. Our daughter's only seven, I would never do that. I am not an incestuous pedophile going for the triple play, like that text said. I was texting to ask what time softball practice was over. 
 
 Honey, please, let me explain. Something... please stop crying and let me explain- yes, I do love you. Please, listen. No, your lasagna last night was delicious. I do n't even... yes, saying it tasted like tampons soaked in ricotta is quite a stretch for an autocorrect error, but please, let me- Yes. No. No. Yes. Please, just listen for one second? 
 
 I think there's something strange going on with my iPhone. No, really, please listen. The other day I was looking for something and asked Siri, and she said she did not understand the question. I was very frustrated, and said, Fuck you Siri, and slammed the phone down on the counter. Well yes, once in a while I get frustrated and use the F word. No, I should n't have, it was not her fault. Wait, Siri is a computer program, she should not have feelings. Look, never mind. 
 
 Ever since, every text message I've sent has gone bonkers with autocorrect. Entire words and sentences have just changed. Look, I have to meet my boss in a few minutes, he's also upset. Very upset. Like he's going to fire me upset. So I think Siri has just gone haywire. That's why I'm making this voice call. What, you just got a text from me? I did n't even send one. What? I told you that your sister gives better head because she swallows? Honey, no, I did not- hello? Honey? Clarice? Fuck. Fuck you Siri. Oh shit. No, What did I just say? No Siri, no, I did n't mean that. Fuck. Dead battery? I just charged it. Shit.''
