[ WP ] You wake up with the newfound ability to communicate with your internal organs . They have asked for a meeting .

It was time. After weeks of excuses and illness, the organs finally found a free Saturday. At one side of a large circular table sat the vital organs. Others sat in periodically to voice complaints. Brent sat on the other side looking down at his hands. 
 
 “ I mean what the fuck, Brent? You ate a—sorry, a what? ” asked the Brain. 
 
 “ A candy pie, ” Brent repeated. 
 
 “ A *can*dy pie, ” sighed the stomach. 
 
 “ It ’ s a pie…it has candy instead of— ” 
 
 “ Why the fuck did you eat a candy pie! ” yelled the Brain. 
 
 “ Come on guys we ’ ve been here for hours, don ’ t I get a turn to speak? ” asked the Liver. 
 
 “ Liver, we get it, he drinks all the fucking time, there ’ s bigger issues at hand here— ” 
 
 The Liver shook his head. “ I don ’ t know guys, I ’ m really on my last legs— ” 
 
 “ What about all the smoking? ” asked the Lungs. “ I mean, do you read the label? You see the lungs on there? I look *worse* than that. *Worse*! ” 
 
 “ I know, okay? ” said Brent. “ I need— ” 
 
 “ No, Brent, you don ’ t fucking know, ” said the Lungs. “ If you knew, you wouldn ’ t do it, right? I mean half the time you don ’ t even smoke with filters. I mean—I ’ m speechless! *Filters*! ” 
 
 “ Okay, alright, I ’ ll smoke— ” 
 
 “ Guys, ” Liver croaked. “ I ’ m serious, I don ’ t— ” 
 
 “ Last time, Liver, ” said Brain. “ Shut the fuck up. ” The Brain composed himself, shuffled some papers and cleared his throat. “ Anyone else have anything before we move on? ” 
 
 “ Uh yeah, I mean I guess I ’ ll bring this up now, ” said the Heart. He looked to Brent. “ Have you worked out, like, ever? At any time? Even gone for a brisk jog? ” 
 
 “ N-no, I mean, who has the *time*— ” 
 
 “ Fuck sake, Brent! How do you go through all of childhood without going into a *brisk* jog? ” 
 
 Brent began to cry. 
 
 “ Here come the water—I mean *liquor* works, ” the Liver said. 
 
 “ We get it, Liver, he drinks a lot, shut it already, ” said the Lungs. 
 
 “ I ’ m going to *die* soon, and so are you— ” 
 
 “ Shut the fuck up! ” yelled the Heart. 
 
 “ Alright, alright, everyone settle down. ” Brain entered into his last page of notes. “ If there are no further complaints— ” 
 
 “ Okay, ” said the Kidney. “ I guess I ’ ll be the one to tackle the elephant in the room, only seems right. What the fuck happened to Dave? ” Dave was the other Kidney. 
 
 “ I *lost* it. ” 
 
 “ You…*lost* it, ” the Kidney repeated. 
 
 “ Yes, I lost it, alright? ” 
 
 “ You don ’ t mean you donated it, or that you were brutally stabbed, but you— ” 
 
 “ No, I lost it. It ’ s just gone. ” 
 
 Kidney looked at the other organs. 
 
 “ How the *fuck* do you lose a kidney? Please, tell me, how does that happen? ” 
 
 “ I just did. ” 
 
 Kidney calmly stood and tucked in his chair. He bowed to the others. Before exiting he slapped the wall beside the door frame making a loud *spat*. 
 
 “ Alright, we ’ ve all had our say, ” said the Brain, taking off his glasses. “ We all think you ’ re just a piece of shit, Brent. No nice way of putting it. ” 
 
 Brent nodded solemnly. 
 
 “ The only resolution I can think of would be to— ” 
 
 “ Guys, ” said the Heart. “ Liver isn ’ t waking up. ” 
 
 “ Oh fuck me, ” said the Brain. 
 
 Lungs tried waking him. Booming alarms began, red lights flashed on the walls. 
 
 “ It—it ’ s no use, ” said the Lungs. “ He ’ s gone. ” 
 They were all silent for some time. 
 
 At last, the Brain sighed and stood. “ You ’ re a dumb motherfucker, you know that Brent? ” 

