[ WP ] A man is in court accused of witch craft . It 's 2014 .

`` Witchcraft.'' Bemoaned the accused man, `` Witchcraft!'' He chuckled aloud, shocked by the accusations he had just heard. `` *Hello*, it's 2014, not the 16th god-damn century.'' 
 
 The judge glimpsed up, dissatisfied by his attitude, `` Mr. Gardner, any more outrages like that and we'll have to remove you from this court.'' 
 
 Staring back at the judge, he replied, `` Well, I would say sorry, but the fact is I'm in here for something ludicrous-'' 
 
 `` Mr. Gardner!'' Snapped the judge, `` continue with your previous statement.'' 
 
 He shook his head in utter disbelief, he desperately wanted to throttle the judge, but knew this would land him in further trouble. Clearing his dry throat, he recalled, `` It had been a long day. I had finished working at the mill roughly around, erm, about 6 o'clock... I had worked overtime-'' 
 
 The judge held his face in his hand before barking, `` Mr. Gardner! Cut to the chase. You've already bored us with this information.'' 
 
 Mr. Gardner's face was bright red; partly from embrassment, partly from the anger gradually building up inside. He could n't believe the accusations had gotten this far, in a world he believed had grown some common sense. `` I'd popped out to the local shop for a pint of milk, just a usual stroll there and back... or so I thought. I had paid for the milk, bagged it up and was homebound when I heard an ear-piercing screech. I had guessed that it was coming from the garden, so I investigated. If someone was being hurt, I could n't selfishly wonder on, could I? So, after a moment of silence I called out,'Do you need any help, ma'am?' No response followed, but I was certain I could hear some choking noise. I had to act. I bashed the door in and sprinted through into the garden. Then I saw the witch... and it saw me. It had devilish red eyes, long dark rags and discoloured fangs.'' 
 
 A sniggle ensued from the stands, prompting Mr. Gardner to bellow, `` It was n't, and is n't funny.'' 
 
 The judge finally showed a little sympathy with the accused, politely stating, `` Please continue, Mr. Gardner.'' 
 
 Mr. Gardner lowered his head again before continuing with his version of events, `` I-'' Then he raised his head. He had only just realised. In an intrigued tone he asked, `` Why do you keep calling me Mr. Gardner?'' 
 
 The judge arose to his feet. `` *Oops*, guess that was my last victim.'' 
 
 The accused slowly arose from his seat, spinning to find a courtroom full of witches and a bubbling cauldron. Fear filled his paling face as he turned again to face the judge who now had devilish red eyes, long dark rags and discoloured fangs. 
 
 The judge then lifted his arms victoriously whilst roaring, `` Dinner time!''
