[ WP ] You keep getting packages addressed to the person who lived in your apartment before you . One day you open one .

`` JACK BARDSLEY'' the label read in bold, black, menacing letters. I was dying of curiosity. Since the day that I moved in, I had been receiving boxes for the name of the tenant who previously occupied my house. Every time, I successfully fought off the irresistible curiosity. I convinced myself, that I was raised right and that I have good moral values. I do not know what it was that finally pushed me over the line. Perhaps it was the feeling that I was entitled to know what kept coming to my house. I remember making the mental decision: I am going to open the box. 
 
 I took out my knife, and the happiness of the knowledge that I will finally satisfy my curiosity, manifested itself. I slashed through the tape with extreme speed. The sight which greeted me ended my jovial play. 
 
 It was an alien device. A device which I had never seen before. It was ugly. There were wires going this way and that. Electrical components, there was what seemed like sensors, and weird hardware which I had never seen before. I could see some peculiar mechanisms which seemed to be powered by gears. It was all wired together in an electrical mass. 
 
 I plugged the machine into an outlet. I looked for an `` on'' switch. I waited and waited. Nothing. 
 
 `` STEP AWAY FROM THE DEVICE, INITIATING STARTUP PROTOCOL,'' a robotic voice penetrated the room. I almost shit myself. A slow mechanical buzz occupied the room. I heard gears slowly clicking against each other. `` SPEAK,'' the device commanded. Shit, what do I say? 
 
 `` Hello?'' I said inquisitively. 
 
 `` KEY INCORRECT,'' the machine replied. I looked into the box. There was a note which I had missed because it must have been under the machine. SAY'FUCK ME' it said boldly. Is this some joke? You know what, I'll bite. 
 
 `` Fuck me?'' I said. 
 
 `` I WOULD IF I COULD. ERROR: NO DILDO INSERTED,'' the machine replied in a monotonous voice. I could not suppress my laughter. I looked at the piece of paper in my hand. I flipped it over. The message which I saw next confirmed my fears. 
 
 CONGRATULATIONS FOR BUYING THE SEXBOT 5. THE MOST HIGH-TECH AND SECURE SEX-BOT IN THE WORLD. INCLUDES 132 FUCK MODES. 
 
 
 
 

