[ WP ] You discover a grand hall filled with legendary weapons like Mjonir and Excalibur . Each generation or so , warriors come to the hall to inherit a weapon that they are worthy enough to wield . Across the hall you see a forgotten weapon that 's been collecting dust . You hear it call to you .

`` Carl.'' It whispered. The voice was definitely H Jon Benjamin. 
 
 `` Carl, over here, it's me, celebrity actor H. Jon Benjamin.'' It said more plainly. 
 
 `` Now none of your cheat, Jon.'' The warrior said, not taking his shit. 
 
 ``... You're right. I'm sorry. Celebrity *voice* actor, H. Jon Benjamin.'' 
 
 It emanated from a shillelagh, an old one, maybe 50ish. It lay in a corner, a fine layer of dust on its handle. 
 
 `` Look, Jon. It's nothing personal, I think I'm just gon na keep looking.'' 
 
 `` No, wait. Dude.'' Down the hall one could hear another, wise and ancient sounding weapon calling to the warrior. `` Ignore that guy, he sucks too.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, but I want to be taken seriously, and he looks like a cool sword of some-'' 
 `` I will not stop until I get you laid.'' The shillelagh said, desperate. 
 
 The warrior had to stop and reassess. Down the hall the fancy glowing sword was calling, louder now. `` Shh! Shut up over there just a second! Sorry, repeat that last thing?'' 
 
 `` Look, I am awesome at parties. Sparkles Mcgee over there will give you the power and stuff, whoopdee doo right? You wan na look cool and kill a bunch of evil all the time, or do you want to *be cool* all the time, go to ye old tavern with me and walk out with floozies under each arm?'' 
 
 `` Well... I mean, the evil ones did kill my father...'' 
 
 `` There is no dad ever lived that would be disappointed in his son honoring his death walking out of a bar with floozies under each arm.'' 
 
 ``...'' 
 
 `` You'll also notice my handle is *very smooth*. *Very*. No slivers up in there. I do n't know what you're into... but I do n't judge. All I'm saying is that I'm multipurpose. I'm a club, I swing both ways. So, what do you say?'' 
 
 ``... Deal.'' 
 
 `` YES. Alright! Ah, that's what I'm talking about. I am outta this joint! Now, uh, I do n't wan na kiss and tell, but you should get some paper towels, maybe some pledge, my last user was... thorough.'' 

