[ WP ] A humorous take on Confidence .

I've often heard that the secret to getting over stage fright is to picture the audience in their underwear. Easily the most common, though perhaps a little too mediocre. I always liked `` Just keep looking for the guy in the big chicken costume!'' Some people just a good laugh to ride the wave to killing a performance. Some people just need to know their lines or numbers or market trends to the point where they repeat them in their sleep. 
 
 But that's not my method. 
 
 I just had ADD when I was young. I would have to give a speech reviewing a book I was supposed to read, but I had n't been read that particular book ( I was nose deep in Stephen King during much of my formative years ) And so I would just power through the book, absorbing virtually nothing; read as many other reviews and summaries of the book as possible ( including crib-notes ) in order to look for repeating patterns. I'd identify the trending observations and include the top five, and one of the ones in the middle. 
 
 So that's how I got my material. But my confidence was still a whimpering adolescent, nervously sure that my lie was going to be found out. 
 
 But, in the throes of my my panicked shaking, I forced myself to imagine exactly how I would speak if I had done the reading. I mentally kicked my head, almost in punishment, envisioning what proper preparation and confidence would have consisted of. How I would hold myself, what the words would taste like as the rolled off of my tongue, and what thoughts would be going through my mind. 
 
 And, inevitably, when called upon by my teacher to present on my reading of *Watership Down* I would simply fall back on what I had been thinking about: What to say and how to say it, if I was the expert I was supposed to be. My facts were generally legitimate, though their sources were not approved. 
 
 In my mind there is a character that has prepared for every eventuality. Someone who has done the research and is so sure of his thoughts that they are above reproach. He has parsed every sentence, performed every experiment, and discussed his opinions with experts. He never gets awkward in front of groups. 
 
 He is who I become before walking out onto a stage, who I consult when writing a letter, and who presents opinions and theories as facts in any situation. He's a danger at a trivia contest, useless against a true expert, and kind of a dick. 
 
 But he looks better in his underwear. 

