[ WP ] A ghost possesses a computer printer . No one realizes anything is abnormal .

I tap my finger on the printer while it whirs and clunks, sipping my coffee. It was already ten in the morning, and my statistic reports were only half finished. 
 
 *BZZ-RRRRRRRRR. CLUK, CLUK, CLUK, CLUK, CLUK....* 
 
 I reach the last few drops of my coffee. Whatever, it tasted like dirt anyway. 
 
 *CLUK, CLUK, CLUK, CLUK, CLUK, BZZ-RRRR....* 
 
 Another paper slides out of the machine, joining the others as the printer continues to produce the rest of them. I set the warm coffee mug down on the top of it, and stretch my back, the vertebrae realigning themselves or exploding or something horrible like that. 
 
 `` You should see a chiropractor. Sitting at that desk all day ca n't be good for your back.'' Jenny chirps from her desk by the window, the morning sun shining through the buildings of New York City and warming her beautiful face. I mentally imagine my wife slapping me for being attracted to her, then mentally replace Jenny with my wife so I would n't be attracted to her. 
 
 `` And have him snap my neck? No thank you.'' I respond. 
 
 She giggles. `` They do n't do that, silly. They just apply pressure until everything aligns.'' 
 
 `` Just like that?'' I say. `` It just, *snaps* into place?'' 
 
 She giggles again and returns to her screen. Smiling, I look down as the last page slides out. 
 
 *** 
 
 Status Report 10/4/16 
 Tyler Gumberg 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 A lot of blank space, what is this? A page for a drawing book? There's 
 nothing to trace. You may as well buy blank paper at this point. 
 The ways people are ripping each-other off these days.... 
 
 
 
 
 *** 
 
 I frown, reading the unexpected message. Not funny, now I'd have to print this again. Whoever did this was about to have their lunch mysteriously removed from the office fridge. I check the second page to make sure it was n't tampered with. 
 
 *** 
 
 Trade agreements with international parties took an unexpected drop this 
 year. ( Perhaps people saw the scam that exists in selling blank drawing 
 books to kids? ) The stock market on gardening decor dropped against our 
 favor by 9.6 %. ( Ah, gardening decor. This just got considerably more 
 boring. ) Our pot plants and gardening tools are struggling to sell, ( Really? 
 Maybe that's because you live in New York fucking City. ) recent statistics 
 show no change after the drop that occurred three years ago, as seen here: 
 
 |\ 
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 | \__________________ 
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - 
 
 Oh, dude. Get out now. While you still can. 
 
 
 
 *** 
 
 I chuckle. Yeah, I've been trying that for years. There is a pear-shaped, unloving, constantly screeching obstacle called'Wife' in my way. 
 
 *John, I know it's you. Consider your potato salad gone. I take no prisoners. * 
 
 I pick up the papers and walk over to the bin.
