[ WP ] On his way home from the store , a man is randomly selected and kidnapped by aliens to represent humanity in the Galactic Council . Still clutching his shopping bag , he prepares to join his first meeting .

`` Ron... Ulysses... Swanson, are you ready?'' 
 
 The newly elected human representative's legendary mustache quivered with a ferocity. 
 
 `` This forced kidnapping is a very serious violation of my rights, which is only surpassed by your cavalier attitude to my right to NOT say my middle name.'' 
 
 The Pink tentacle.... thing smacked the ceromonial horn on the plasma table. `` Swanson you are here to cast vote on the building of a new Community Centre in your Sol System. We require humanity's input. So, what say you?'' 
 
 `` No.'' Ron responded in a voice that would have made god cancel the apocalypse. 
 
 `` You are against building of the Rec. center?'' The blue floating orb asked him. 
 
 `` I am against this entire committee of Bureaucrats that wish to flush public money in the building of an expensive and ultimately useless homage to Luxury.'' The sound of his Ceromonial gavel echoed throughout the room, which brought his attention to the extremely well-crafted table. 
 
 `` Uh.... on a side note, what is this wood?'' The smooth surface and pearly finish made his hands tingle with joy. 
 
 `` Thats Marlov Bark, from my home planet.'' The blue orb responded. 
 
 `` So its a tree or...'' 
 
 `` No Marlovs are wild creatures that breed like rabbits. This material grows on their bark. It's skinned off after the hunter strips away the meat.'' 
 
 The mustache quivering was now accompanied with a twinkle in Ron's eyes. `` Meat you say?'' 
 
 `` Yes. Quite delicious actually. You remember that purple slab from lunch you had 10 helpings of-'' 
 
 Ron's chair fell backward as he jumped up. `` That beautiful..... sustenance came from this... Marklov?'' 
 
 `` Uh, yes.'' 
 
 Ron banged the gavel with a penchant. `` New point of order. I vote an immediate import of this Marklov onto earth so that I.. We humans can enjoy its many bounties.'' 
 
 He leaned towards the blue orb and whispered. `` Also I would like to buy a piece of land on your planet with plenty of game. How much gold would it cost to buy an isolated piece of beautiful land where I can hunt, grill and build?'' 
 
 The tentacle started to quiver with frustration. `` Mr Swanson please, we need to focus. This rec centre-'' 
 
 Ron's raised hand made the tentacle stop midflow. He followed this by staring intently at the pink tentacle in complete silence. 
 
 `` Um....'' The blue orb tried to talk, tasted the room and wisely shut up. 
 
 `` I do n't like you.'' Ron said quietly. 
 
 `` I beg your pardon?'' The Pink tentacle quivered. 
 
 `` What's your name?'' Ron asked with the expression of an ice covered mountain peak. 
 
 `` Ta-xxrr-mm-rr-ytrif....'' 
 
 Ron eyes narrowed. 
 
 `` But my friends call me Tammy for short. You are very welcome to call me that, if you like.'' The pink tentacle said while twisting into a sexy pose ( for her people ). 
 
 ``..........................................................................................................................................'' 
 
 `` Mr Swanson..?'' 
 
 `` As a human ambassador I declare war on Ms Tammy's planet. May her soul burn in the fiery embrace of hell.'' 
 
 
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 Thanks for reading so far. Please any feed backs below. Also if it was n't clear enough, the main character above was Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec TV Show. If you're not familiar, I recommend you check it out. 

