[ WP ] You are the oldest inhabitant of Hell . Even the Devil does n't know how long you 've been here . Denizens of Hell normally expect that the oldest sinner would be someone of pure evil , but in truth you 're actually a pretty chill dude .

Some people have called me bitter. That's kind of funny to me, honestly. I *know* bitter, and I ai n't it. And even if I am, so what? I've got a right to be. I've been stuck down here God knows how long, and after a while it gets to you. Hell has a way of doing that. 
 
 Some people expect me to be evil. After all, someone who's been in here longer than anyone else should obviously be a real sack of shit, right? They come down expecting Hitler ( who's here, but he's a looong way down on the arrivals list ), or all those idiots who drowned after Noah built his ark, or Cain. Cain's here, of course, poor foolish little boy... 
 
 Some people expect me to be the Devil. Now *that* I find outright funny, since Lucifer did n't finally get the boot from Heaven until long after I came down here. He's actually one of the only things in this whole place that makes me happy, in a vindictive kind of way. It's been that way since he first slunk in, newly grown tail between his legs, and laid eyes on me. He must have known it was coming, since my husband had already long since turned up without me in Heaven. Still, he could n't stop that look coming to his face, that tacit acknowledgement that I'd been waiting for him for hundreds of years all because he convinced me to eat that fruit. 
 
 ***** 
 
 Thanks for reading! I strayed a little from the prompt, given that the original sinner is supposed to be a dude, but I thought it fit pretty well in any case. If you liked it and you're so inclined, leave a comment! I welcome any suggestions to help me improve!
