[ WP ] You hate your boss , and you 've just won the lottery . Write your resignation letter .

Dr. [ REDACTED ], 
 
 Allow me first to thank you for the past 3 years of pleasurable service I have experienced under your guidance. I have learned much from you that I will carry with me going forward in life, and for that I will be forever grateful. Unfortunately, as all good things in life must end, so too must my time here with [ Not Reddit's Business ]. To that end, you may consider this letter my resignation. Effective immediately I will be terminating my employment with this company. 
 
 For personal reasons I will not divulge the precise details, but the short version is that certain unforseen events have created a situation in which I am no longer in need of employment. I would be remiss, however, were I not to sincerely thank you for all you have done for me. From harassing me over the noise level from my cube, to ignoring me when I asked for guidance on a complicated issue ( You can hear a pen drop the next cube over, but you ca n't hear me talking to you at normal volume standing 3 feet away ) to taking credit for my work under false pretenses, all my time here you have done your best to ensure I felt as unwanted and unqualified as possible. You have gone to magnificent lengths to prove to management that they were wrong when they hired me over your protests. No good deed went noticed and no mistake went without ruthless berating and criticism. I understand your reasoning, just know that you're wrong. 
 
 But now that we are here, on the precipice of our final separation, I can finally reveal to you why they hired me. You went through 8 techs in the 3 years before I showed up. They all quit, to the last one, rather than continue to deal with someone who appears to take pride in being such an insufferable, self-righteous, arrogant cunt. And that's why I was brought in. You see, the manager and I know each other from Boy Scouting, back in the day. He knows the depths of my patience. He knows the thickness of my skin. He knew that your mind games would n't get to me. And so when he offered me the position, I was warned of you. I was told I would be walking into possibly the worst office I would ever work in. That I would be subjected to treatment I never thought possible in a professional environment. And that ( giving credit where it is due ) they would n't fire you because you are legitimately excellent at your job. I was n't blowing smoke when I said I learned a lot from you. Granted, most of it stemmed from your failings as a supervisor, but knowledge is knowledge. 
 
 So that's it. Feel free to confirm ( or knowing you, you wo n't bother because in your mind there's no way your behavior is wrong ) with management, but that's it. If you were n't such an insufferable supervisor, I would never have been hired. You would n't have had to spend the last 3 years loathing me silently. So allow me to thank you once again, from the bottom of my heart, for being such an incorrigible douche. I'd have never received the opportunity to hold such a great position without that particular trait of yours. 
 
 Please find attached one ( 1 ) plastic ziploc bag containing approx. 6.8 oz of my feces. It is my gift to you to do with what you will. If I may offer a suggestion: Eat it. 
 
 I sincerely hope you outlive your children, 
 
 Promptimus
