[ WP ] You call to order pizza , but unknowingly call a hit man

“ Who is this? ” 
 
 I took a drag of my cigarette and blew out the smoke. “ Yeah. Hi. I want to order a large pepperoni and a large veggie. Do you guys still do hot wings? ” 
 
 “ I think you have the wrong number. ” 
 
 “ Really? Is this 55-PIZZA? ” 
 
 The woman on the other line groaned. “ Yes. It is, but I don ’ t deliver pizza. ” 
 
 I stubbed out my cigarette and took a swig of scotch. “ Oh. Okay. Sorry. ” 
 
 “ No problem. ” 
 
 “ So, I can just come in an pick-it up? ” 
 
 “ No. ” 
 
 “ Do I have to eat in? ” 
 
 “ No. ” 
 
 My frustration level rose. “ So I can do take-out? ” 
 
 “ Listen, buddy. We don ’ t serve pizza. Period, ” said the woman. It sounded like she was getting angry. 
 
 “ Then why the fuck are you a pizza place? ” 
 
 “ We ’ re not, ” she screamed. 
 
 This little shit was really getting my goat. “ Listen, you little tit-sucker. I don ’ t know if you think you ’ re funny or something, but I ’ m going to come down there and rip your head off then shit down your throat. I ’ m only going to do this after I force you to make my pizza, ” I screamed. 
 
 “ Dave? ” 
 
 “ What? ” 
 
 “ Is this Dave Johnson? The Cockatiel flies at night but only by sunlight. ” 
 
 Holy shit. This person knew my code name and phrase. “ Only when the sun is out during the full summer moon. ” 
 
 “ This is Malory Smith, ” said the woman. “ We met at the waste collectors conference in Trenton last year. “ 
 
 I smacked my forehead. Idiot. “ Hi, Malory. Sorry about all that. I just want some pizza. ” 
 
 “ Yeah. My phone number is a weird coincidence. I should really get a new burner. ” 
 
 “ That ’ d be good. It would suck if some teenager got ahold of you and accidently order trash removal service instead of pizza. ” 
 
 Malory laughed. “ Boy would my face be red. ” 
 
 “ Why didn ’ t you just hang up? ” 
 
 She laughed again. “ I wanted to see how long it would take you to realize who you ’ d called. ” 

