[ WP ] You live in a world where gravity is a paid service , and you forget to pay your bill on time

Graduating college and entering the real world can mean a lot of things: no more preposterous homework assignments, no need to wear flip flops every time you walk into the mold-infested communal bathroom, no more roommates ’ alarms waking you up hours before the sun has even peeked over the horizon, and no more parental dependency. A big-boy job and a big-boy apartment; now, it is time to live like a king. 
 
 Sometimes you simply forget that the real world is called “ real ” for a reason. Like that time I forgot to pay the damn gravity bill. Now that ’ s a story. 
 
 It was a Wednesday morning, another classic hump day. I arose with an extra pep in my step for some reason, my “ Stacy ’ s Mom ” alarm song reminding me that indeed I do control my own destiny. Well, that feeling would not last long. 
 
 I took a long, scalding shower and prepared my usual omelet consisting of two eggs, four pinches of shredded cheese, diced onion, and a dash of pepper. After donning my slick new blazer I lounged at my kitchen table with my black coffee, Fox News in the background, and the LA Times in front of me. I subjugated the crossword to my will, completing three more clues than my prior personal record of seven; all the while marveling at my own maturity as the morning seconds ticked away. It is going to be a good day I thought. 
 
 Promptly at 8:17 I headed for the bus stop. My three minute walk was a leisurely pace; Bertha would never leave me behind. Oh, my naivety. 
 
 I ate fumes just as I arrived and quickly gave thanks for the forgiving Los Angeles spring climate. The two mile walk could guarantee some pit stains, but it could be worse. I slung my blazer over my shoulder and headed towards the talent agency. People didn ’ t really examine your pits while you were working the mailroom anyways. 
 
 That ’ s when it happened. 
 
 My mind was wandering, still contemplating how the Niner ’ s lost another heartbreaker on Monday night. This walk really isn ’ t so bad I remember thinking to myself; it just seems so effortless. There truly was a spring in my step for it being another insignificant Wednesday. People must envy my positive temperament. 
 
 The screeching breaks of an 18 wheeler could be heard from the street ahead and to my right; it bumbled towards the fast-approaching intersection that was just 10 meters in front of me. The stoplight turned green and I heard the engine roar back to life. I wasn ’ t stopping though. I drifted onwards towards a deadly impact, not comprehending what was happening. My legs started to kick and I squirmed and yet I continued. That is when I realized that my feet were not touching the ground at all. At some point during my journey I had started floating through the air, moving my legs like I was walking normally and not recognizing that I might as well have transported to outer space. Gravity had disappeared! 
 
 Damn the Gravity Insurance Association! I knew I forgot to do something yesterday! All I could think about was the gravity bill pinned to my to-do corkboard as I floated towards my impending doom. Procrastination doesn ’ t know the difference between college and the real world… 
 
 The truck ’ s air horn blared. I closed my eyes tight. 
 
 “ *Stacy ’ s Mom has got it going on*. ” 
 
 “ Shut that damn thing off, how many more times do I have to hear that stupid middle school song before I graduate. ” Bill said. 
 
 My eyes opened to a gloomy dorm room. I think I will enjoy these last few weeks of college, real life can wait. 

