[ WP ] The secret to eternal life is discovered ... and it 's really goddamn stupid .

**PART TWO** 
 
 `` No. Absolutely not. I do n't want to know. Everyone dies, it's inevitable, the cyclops? You know what the curse of the cyclops was? That they knew when they'd die - they'd see it with their one eye. This is a sick joke.'' 
 
 `` Yes, but we DO N'T have to die. And only because we were born in America! Think about it, how can we let this go? We ca n't, that's how! People have wanted the fountain of youth since... since forever!'' Marie was really getting excited, shaking the phone in her fist, `` Think about it! What if I'm supposed to die in a week? I could twenty eight *forever*. I could have *this ass forever*. I'd never wrinkle. Never go grey. Oh ho you better hope you're expiration date is soon, too, or I'll have to find some young stud who can be under thirty with me for the rest of our lives you old fart! Oh... my god. We need to call your brother and see if he can make a dating site for people with similar immortality ages! Holy shit! Immortality insurance! Super long term savings bonds for people who avoid death, but the premium goes to the company if they fail! We can be rich!'' 
 
 Al grabbed Marie by the shoulders. `` Honey. Get. A. Grip. Look... I do n't want to know. I do n't want to know the day I might die. And, baby?'' He took her face gently in his hands, `` I do n't want to know when I'm going to lose you. You're the stars in my sky, and if I knew you'd die tomorrow I might kill myself today.'' 
 
 Marie melted. `` OK honey, OK. I wo n't check. We can always check later. I mean... I guess we ca n't wait *too* long...'' 
 
 The phone rang. Al answered, it was his boss, Sandy. 
 
 `` Hey Al, I noticed you were n't at the office just yet so I thought I'd call to see if you were coming in today. I guess I can understand if you're going to spend the day at home with Marie and Chester.'' 
 
 `` Just Marie, actually. Yeah you did n't know. Chester got hit by a car chasing a tennis ball a couple of months ago, but thanks for understanding, Sandy, this whole Cyclops thing has sort of affected Marie.'' 
 
 `` I bet. It ca n't be easy on either of you.'' 
 
 `` No, no... well... I do n't know. Seems like it might be hooey. You must feel similarly, I mean, you're calling from the office, so. You know.'' 
 
 `` Well yeah but my grave day is fifty years from now. Who knows what kind of medical science they'll have by then. Jesus. Massive coronary, it says. Fucking hell, but you know what? I hope I do go. Who the heck wants to be ninety four forever?'' 
 
 `` You checked? I mean, you wanted to know?'' 
 
 `` Of course I... Oh no, Al you did n't look.'' 
 
 `` No, what's the big deal? What's wrong, Sandy?'' 
 
 `` Oh, Al. Look. I. I should go. You take today off.'' 
 
 `` Alright, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow.'' 
 
 `` Well... hm. You make sure to make today a good day, buddy. And thanks for all the hard work last week.'' 
 
 Al had a sinking feeling. He'd been standing in one place, sort of fading out again. The lights had gone a bit dim, too, was the electricity going out? The coffee cup in his left hand clattered to the floor, shattering. Marie came in to investigate. 
 
 `` Baby, I know I said I would n't check but... I had to know. Boo it looks like I wo n't be a young lady forever, I have another thirty five years to knock items off my bucket list. Looks like you'll have to love an old bag after all. Honey? Honey are you OK?'' 
 
 The doorbell rang. Al felt heavy, he sat down in the puddle of coffee. Marie shook him. `` Baby. Baby! Oh no. No, no, no.'' The doorbell rang again then gave way to insistent knocking. Marie ran to the door and opened it. Three men dressed like EMTs were at the door in uniforms marked Coroner's Office. 
 
 `` Uh, we're here for the corpse of one Al Borsden?'' 
 
 `` Oh thank god you're here. He's not dead, there's still time!'' 
 
 `` Oh, OK, we can wait.''
