[ WP ] I 'm afraid we can not use your blood for the transfusion . Our tests show it is not human blood .

`` Yer tests?'' the old man snarled back, `` You only just looked at it! How do you know it's not human?'' 
 
 I knew when I woke up this would be one of those days. I should have believed myself and packed my bottle of Excedrin. 
 
 `` Sir, there is a hoof floating in your bucket. Not withstanding that in general, and I mean this in the most polite way sir, we do not accept blood in buckets.'' 
 
 `` Last guy did.'' he snapped, not even missing a beat. Oh of course I was n't going to be lucky enough to get rid of him without a full on migraine. He looked me straight in the eyes and pressed on, `` Just last week, last guy took the whole thing. No problem.'' 
 
 I wish I could tell you that the sight of a popeyed old gummer, bowed back and knob kneed, was disconcerting. I wish I could tell you that the sight of a full milking pail of blood gave me the chills. They did n't though. I'd been seeing stunts like this ever since human blood reached $ 15 a gallon on the New York Late Night Stock Exchange. Hell, this was n't even my first bucket today. 
 
 `` Sir,'' I almost sighed the response, but I had been in customer service too long to let the sarcasm slip out. `` We need blood, fresh, from a vein of a *living* human. Buckets are n't accepted especially not animal blood. Whatever the...'' 
 
 `` Not animal,'' he cut me off. 
 
 `` I'm sorry?'' 
 
 `` It's not animal blood,'least, it's mostly human. Hoof's just in there for seasoning. And it is fresh, just tapped it today.'' 
 
 Wonderful. A real Emeril Lagasse. 
 
 `` Sir, I'm sorry. Your bucket just is n't worth the going rate.'' As soon as the words left my mouth I realized that I had made a huge mistake. His good eye widened and a toothless grin fell across his face. 
 
 `` Do n't need going rate, neither. I'll take half. You know well as I do that one of them in the back is thirsty enough, right now, to drink this!'' 
 
 What could I do? He was n't leaving, he was killing my numbers, and worst of all he was n't even wrong about our clients. I knew three that were back there right now waiting for their dinner. 
 
 `` I'll give you a quarter if it checks out as fresh,'' I started. He tried to speak but I buffaloed over him. `` But! I need you to promise to bring the donor in person next time, or,'' my voice fell to a conspiratorial whisper, `` at least come during someone else's shift!'' 
 
 A few hems and haws and he was out of my hair. I put up my sign and got up. 
 
 I shouted to my manager as I headed to the back door. `` I'm taking my smoke break, Vlad. Back in ten.'' I needed some damn air. 
 
 I hate working for vampires, but where else will I get $ 14 an hour, full time, and benefits?
