[ PI ] Space Ride – FebContest

Hello fellow writer! I wanted to stop in and leave you some comments on what you did well and a little bit of criticism to help you grow! Please not that all of my comments are my own opinion, and are made in only with the best intentions. I like to do an equal amount of pros and cons, so let ’ s get started: 
 
 The grammar, structure, and story progression were all done really well. I was never confused as to what was happening or who was who, which is really important with a story of this breadth. I also like that you didn ’ t dump on the reader — a lot of science fiction authors try to just kind of chuck you into the deep end and let you sort it out for yourself, but you did it the right way: you introduced your characters in a familiar setting that I could relate with, and gave me just enough information to keep me going and keep me interested. So great job! 
 
 I think the biggest con I found with this story, however, is the scope. This is a novel-length story you have here that you ’ ve squished down into just over seven thousand words. Unfortunately, it doesn ’ t leave the reader a lot of opportunity to get to know the characters or the particular settings, and so we don ’ t really have the ability to connect with anything. It starts and then it ’ s over. It ’ s sort of like watching a movie on fast forward. 
 
 So my advice would be to slow down. Take some time with it. Add some more description. Develop your characters — give them some passions and desires, some strengths and vulnerabilities and then show them to me. Develop your settings — this is in outer space! Half the fun is “ seeing ” the crazy stuff science fiction authors can come up with. 
 
 I really hope that helps! Keep working on it; I think you ’ ve got some really good stuff here that just needs a little bit of work to really blossom.
