[ wp ] You are the lamest vampire in existence . Give us a summary of your evening .

Ahh, nighttime. When work was done for the day and Frederick could finally relax. Not that relaxation meant much to a vampire. He tugged off his button-down and the argyle sweater-vest over it and slipped a well-worn tee over his head. He peered in the mirror and sighed at the scratch on his cheek. It was going to take absolutely forever to heal, and the third graders he taught at the local elementary school -- bless their hearts -- were bound to begin asking questions. Snippy, the class hellbeast... Gerbil, Frederick meant, had managed to get him in the face this time. 
 
 But he would n't need to worry about that tonight. Or even tomorrow. Tonight was for relaxing in front of the couch in a tee shirt and sipping lamb's blood warmed in a microwave while watching TV. He settled down and flipped on the evening news. He'd just gotten absorbed into the atrocity of the evening when the doorbell rang. He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. 
 
 Frederick muttered a curse to himself and placed his ceramic mug on a coaster before setting it down on the table. He'd just gotten comfortable, and now someone was at the door? Curse the timing of whoever this is, he thought to himself. He eased himself out of the chair and made his way to the door, which opened only a crack so Frederick could poke his head through. 
 
 `` Can I help you?'' he asked. 
 
 `` Hello! We're from the church of --'' 
 
 Frederick slammed the door in their face. 
 
 `` Damn kids,'' he muttered. He returned to the living room and sat down in a well-worn leather chair, which let out a small hiss of air as he settled down onto it. He wrapped his hands around the mug and sighed. This was the life.
