[ WP ] : Before being accepted to the Galactic union , a sentient species will be judged by a randomly selected member of their most prominent slave race . The fate of humanity lies upon Beatrice , a pug .

Janet Fisher, like everyone else on the planet, had her eyes glued to the TV, where the Attorney General for the Galactic Union was making his case against the inclusion of Earth in his most noble of federations. The normal process had been to interrogate a random member of Earth ’ s conquered slave races, but Earthians were too stupid and weak to have conquered anything anywhere, which stuck the Attorney General in a bit of a bind. After much debate, it had been agreed that Earthians, being a barbaric and uncivilized people, mostly seemed to take other Earthians as slaves, and the Attorney General ’ s office was given permission to select a member of *Canis lupus familiaris*, the Earthian dog. 
 
 Specifically, they ’ d settled on Janet ’ s dog, Beatrice. 
 
 The Attorney General made some slithering wet noise, and text at the bottom of Janet ’ s television read: “ Beatrice, what is the nature of a human? ” 
 
 Janet thought Beatrice looked a bit sick. 
 
 Beatrice yawned. 
 
 The Attorney General made another slithering wet noise ( maybe a bit dryer this time ), and the text at the bottom of Janet ’ s television read: “ Beatrice, please answer the question ”. 
 
 Janet wondered if Beatrice had been let out for walkies. 
 
 Beatrice started panting. 
 
 The Attorney General made wet noises to his ( her? their? ) fellows at xir desk and a slimy discussion ensued, ( The text at the bottom of Janet ’ s television didn ’ t say anything, and Beatrice seemed to be occupied sniffing herself. ) 
 
 “ Beatrice, please answer the question: what is the nature of a human? ”, said the alien Attorney General in English. 
 
 “ Oh, they ’ re kinda dickish ”, responded Beatrice. 
 
 Janet felt a bit betrayed by this.
