[ WP ] You are a photon forged in the heart of the sun with the purpose of making it to the earth 's surface . The only thing standing in your way is Jim .

My one purpose in life was to arrive at planet 46290, subconsciously I knew it. Felt it in the bonds of my being. 
 
 I was to help create what is to be the greatest planet in the universe. 
 
 And there he was, looking at me with that deadpan face. Jim. 
 
 Our eyes would meet, and then he would look past me, as if looking at someone else entirely. He would then make this odd mouthy grin, pursing his lips and raising his eyebrows. Was this sarcasm? How could such a being exist out here? 
 
 The prophets foretold of a trial in order to accomplish my goal, this must be part of it. 
 
 That's it! A guardian lies between me and my goal. 
 
 Luckily I came prepared, it is said that the guardians enjoy office supplies. Knowing that, I brought one of our finest treasures with me to present to the guardian. 
 
 I reached into my photon storage bay and arranged the necessary atoms to forge the stuff of legend. 
 
 The Swingline was *the* stapler. There was no substitute, and our prophets knew so. Only the best for the guardians of 46290. 
 
 Only... when I materialized the desired object, it was encased in some kind of green translucent prison. 
 
 * [ CHUCKLES ] * 
 
 What was that? I arranged the atoms incorrectly! I've angered the guardian! 
 
 *-Jim: I'm sorry because, I've always been your biggest flan. * 
 
 Enormous words formed in the empty space between the guardian and I. What was he apologizing for? My inevitable death? 
 
 `` Guardian Jim! I beg of you, accept my gift and let me pass!'' 
 
 *-Jim: If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt... which is mixed berry. * 
 
 My atomic clock was ticking, I had very little time left in this life, and my arrival on 46290 was of dire importance. The guardian's trials were beginning to wear away at my sanity. 
 
 `` Guardian, please if you could only le-'' 
 
 The guardian's booming voice cut me off, followed by the formation of the letters. 
 
 *-Jim: OK, can you hold on? I'm getting the, ah, beep. [ presses button on phone ] ] Jim Halpert. *
