[ WP ] All of your muscles use % 100 of their strength for every action , your alarm clock just went off .

*Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. * 
 
 The droning buzz of the clock radio penetrated what had been, up to that point, quite an enjoyable dream. I hate when that happens; no sooner was my slumber roused than all details of the dream were lost, the only remnant being a general feeling of contentedness. In contrast, the cacophony of the alarm did nothing to improve my mood. Countless mornings begun this way allowed me to pinpoint the target that was the `` off'' button without so much as opening my eyes, and so, as before, I slammed my hand down to cease the incessant noise and allow myself the freedom to think. 
 
 *CRASH* 
 
 Well, that does n't happen every morning. 
 
 I first opened one eye to a squint, but on examining the scene on my bedside table both lids shot wide open. The alarm clock lay in ruins, small bits of plastic and circuitry littering the table and the surrounding floor. I lifted my hand to see the flattened piece of machinery -- somehow, the display was still intact, though the LED simply flashed with the message `` 88:88''. I've never been a morning person, but maybe I need to work on my frustrations at being woken so early. 
 
 Using my other hand, I pushed myself onto my side to further survey the damage. Instead, my body managed a full 360 degree rotation to roll off the bed and land onto the floor, flat on my back. Momentarily dazed, I stared at the ceiling, cursing my fatigued mind, for that was the only explanation I could provide as to how I slipped so drastically and accidentally to the laminate. `` What the hell...?'' I muttered to myself. 
 
 Or at least, that was the intention. 
 
 `` **WHAT THE HELL?! **'' 
 
 The voice that escaped my throat was almost unrecognizable as my own with such force carrying it. The unexpected volume was enough to split the eardrums. Reacting instinctively to the pain, my hands rushed to the sides of my head to cover and protect my ears. Unfortunately, the opposite effect resulted, as the force of my hands colliding with my head felt as though a pair of cymbals had been crashed together over my skull. 
 
 Wincing, holding back tears, and trying not to grind my teeth straight out of my mouth, I did my best to collect myself and assess the situation. In the span of the thirty seconds I had been awake, I had broken my alarm clock and injured myself three separate times. Clearly something was amiss. Carefully, making sure there were no obstacles between me and my target at each movement, I lifted myself from the floor and made my was downstairs to the kitchen, taking care not to touch the banister, lest it rip from the railing or I fall over it somehow. 
 
 I reached the kitchen without incident, spying the French press in the corner of the counter adjacent to the coffee grinder and bagged beans. A nice cup of Joe should perk me up, but first, I should get breakfast started. Scrambled eggs sounded nice. I turned to the fridge and opened the door -- which responded by flying to the breaking point of its hinges to an audible *snap*. 
 
 The broken door was inconsequential, since as soon as it had opened I could tell that the refrigerator was not living up to its name. The lack of cool air escaping the appliance, coupled with the sight and smell of some considerably off cheese, told me that the fridge had stopped functioning some time ago. 
 
 At this point, I had had enough. I was fed up. I had no idea why things kept breaking around me, why my voice exited my body in the form of a guttural roar, or why my fridge had broken. In my desperation the only thing I could think to do was call a doctor. Maybe he could tell me what was wrong with me. I found my cell phone on the coffee table in the living room and, considering the events of the morning so far, opted to use the voice-activated commands instead of dialing. 
 
 `` Hello, you've reached Doctor Bellevue's office, how may I help you?'' came the voice on the other end. 
 
 `` **DOC, YOU GOT TA HELP ME! **'' I bellowed from across the room, the phone set to speaker. 
 
 `` Woah, okay, calm down, son, just tell me what's wrong.'' 
 
 `` **JESUS, DOC, WHAT A MORNING. FIRST I GET UP AND ACCIDENTALLY SMASH MY ALARM CLOCK TO BITS. THEN WHEN I TRY TO GET OUT OF BED I THROW MYSELF ON THE FLOOR. NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I CA N'T STOP SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF MY FRIDGE WAS BROKEN BEFORE WHATEVER'S GOING ON MADE ME RIP THE DOOR OFF! IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO?! **'' 
 
 The Doctor pondered for a moment before responding. `` Wait a minute, son, did you say your refrigerator was broken?'' 
 
 `` **YEAH, IT'S STRESSIN' ME OUT DOC, ON TOP OF ALL THIS. **'' 
 
 The Doctor chuckled knowingly. `` Oh, I see the problem, my boy. I've dealt with cases like this before. Complete lack of inhibition in motor control, presenting with a distinct detrimental effect on local refrigerative equipment. Yes, I'm afraid guys like you simply... 
 
... have no chill.''
