[ WP ] Portal guns are mass-produced and cheaply available for the public to use . The crime rate has skyrocketed as a result . There is a crisis of anti-portal security . You are testing your new anti-portal measures when suddenly robbers using portals break into your facility .

No, seriously? 
 
 There were people breaking in *right now*? 
 
 Sweet, time for an impromptu field test. I'm practically done with the preliminary installation anyhow. 
 
 Locating entrance portal and associated device... 
 
 Done. Right, portal frequency and phase shift next. Come on, Aperture Portal Re-decalibrator, you were n't cheap... 
 
 Come on... 
 
 Shit, are they on the third floor already? 
 
... DONE! HELL YES! 
 
 Now, what to do, what to do... 
 
 Ha. Hahaha. 
 
 That'll do. Let's send them on a little holiday. 
 
 *And that was how, next morning at twenty-two past eleven, two sewer maintenance workers found three unconscious miscreants in the deepest, dankest, most rancid part of the sewer network. *
