[ WP ] You wake up in a universe where everyone is ALWAYS super strong except you . You 're saught after as a hero for delicate missions where precision and minimal structural damage is ideal .

Today marks four years since I've been in this universe, four years away from home. I remember my first day here, how utterly alone I felt in a world so similar yet so different from mine. Same blue skies, same oxygen, same cars. 
 
 Different people. 
 
 Everyone is so powerful here and I stand out like a sore thumb. Mainly because I'm the weakest person in the world. 
 
 It's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm also one of the most famous people here. I'm rich, I live in a mansion and I have 6 cars. Why? Because, in a world of brute strength, my weakness is seen as a great rare skill, like a man with a two foot penis. 
 
 Need delicate brain surgery? Call me. Deaths from brain surgeries have dropped quite a bit in the past four years. Need someone to fix the fragile inside of your computer? I'm right here. Computer companies are losing money because their customers are n't destroying them with their `` over-strength'' anymore when they try to fix them. Need someone to defuse a bomb for you? Uh-huh, you know who to call! So many soldiers can now live past 24 and have kids now! Yay! 
 
 This sounds all so good right? Well not really. Because I'm overworked like a motherfucker. I *never* get any sleep. I look like a freaking zombie with these eyebags. 
 
 `` Hey, Ben, could you come over and remove my son's tooth for me. I do n't wan na rip off his jaw so...'' 
 
 `` Hey, Ben, I ca n't seem to hold a balloon without it exploding. I have a party in three hours so could you maybe...'' 
 
 `` Hey, Ben come over please, I have a problem with A, B, C...'' 
 
 Hey, Ben. *Hey, Ben*. HEY BEN! 
 
 I have four hundred secretaries and they never sleep either, they're always having to put up appointments. Every single second someone is calling me. I've got appointments up to seven years from now. 
 
 And the weirdest thing is this: they want to harvest my sperm and make more me's. They'll take DNA from a sperm cell, put the DNA on a donors egg and have my other sperm merge with these eggs. It's like I'm having sex with myself and giving birth... 
 
 And they say there's no way back. None. Zero. 
 
 I miss my home. I miss my family and there's nothing I can do. 
 
 *** 
 
 I'm making presents for the wives of the mayors of 15 major cities. I've been promising to give them presents ever since I got here but I have n't found the time due to obvious reasons. So now I've decided to make them something'cause we all do n't like that jerk who keeps procrastinating right? 
 
 No we dont. 
 
 I'm making them all wooden dolls. It's delicate work alright. Takes me a week to finish all fifteen of them. I pack them in colorful boxes and enclose a letter inside. I do hope they like them, I've been meaning to surprise them for a while now. 
 
 They're supposed to be presented to each mayor's wife at the Annual Mayor Ball, which is in one hour. 
 
 `` Jeraya!'' I cough from my studio. I'm so tired and so ill I can barely talk. 
 
 The secretary walks in. 
 
 `` Please make sure these get to whoever they're addressed to. I've been up all night.'' 
 
 `` Yes, sir.'' 
 
 `` How many calls this week so far?'' 
 
 `` Well over 60000 sir.'' 
 
 `` Slow week, huh.'' 
 
 `` Indeed sir.'' 
 
 I lay my head on the table and doze off. 
 
 I jerk awake about 58 minutes later. The ball is about to start. 
 
 I switch on the TV in the studio and watch the live broadcast of the ball. Will they like the presents? I'm sure they're *to die for*. 
 
 I spring into action. 
 
 My voice call is transmitted through the speakers so that everyone at the Ball and everyone in the world watching the Ball can hear my voice clearly. There's a switch shaped like a pen in my hand and I'm careful to hold it *very carefully*. 
 
 This is what happens when you overwork a guy to insanity in a universe that is n't his universe. 
 
 After a few greetings and identifying myself and a joke or two ( charming as ever ), I state what's about to go down. 
 
 `` We're all gon na die. Those dolls in the boxes are n't actually dolls. Well they are but they're ultra super nuclear bombs too. The combined strength of the explosion is going to destroy a tenth of the planet in ten seconds. Everyone, I mean everyone in this miserable country will die. You took my life from me and it's gone now, I've gone insane in this universe, and now I'm about to take your lives, blah, blah, blah. I have the switch right here in my hand. Say your last words. Oh and If you think I'm kidding I can actually - `` 
 
 `` We'll take you back home!'' desperately says the mayor of our city 
 
 `` Wait what?'' I say. 
 
 `` We'll take you home, that's what you want is n't it?... just please, do n't kill us all. We've been horrible to you.'' 
 
 `` But - `` I try to shake the confusion from my head `` - you said I could n't go back. You said there was no way.'' 
 
 `` We lied.'' 
 
 Silence. I feel angry but still wary. 
 
 `` But you do n't know if I could be bluffing or not.'' 
 
 `` No, no we believe you. Please, we'll take you home right now.'' 
 
 `` Well... well, that's great. I like it!'' As it sinks in I start to do a sort of jig on the spot. I'm finally going home! `` I mean, wow! I ca n't belie-'' 
 
 The switch slips from my fingers and drops to the floor and BOOOOOOM!
