[ WP ] As the sole IT guy who went to hell , you are the one tasked with fixing Satan 's computer .

It... was an afterlife, Jeff supposed. For hell, it could be worse. 
 
 It was unpleasantly hot, of course, but Jeff had a little demon who followed him with a personal air conditioner and a fan. There were requisite torture periods each day, even though `` day'' was really a meaningless concept here, but it was little more than a light beating and an almost pleasant soak in the Lake of Eternal Lava. He got as much food as he could eat, and even managed to score a beer off a willing devil once in a while. The perks of having a specialized skill set down here. 
 
 Were it not for *him*, Jeff concluded, this might well be considered a subset of heaven. 
 
 `` JEFF.'' The voice reverberated through the entire plane of existence. No other orders followed; none were needed. 
 
 Jeff climbed up the central stairs - no matter where in hell you were, they were always Central when you turned around to look for them - slowly, dragging his feet. He knew better than to drag it out long enough for the Voice to summon him twice, but that did n't mean he had to rush. 
 
 Satan was staring at his PC. Smoke, more than usual, curled from the tips of his long, pointed ears. As soon as the door opened, he rounded on Jeff. `` IT HAS DONE THE THING AGAIN.'' 
 
 `` Which thing? Can you show me?'' 
 
 `` THE THING.'' Satan growled the words. `` THE THING WHERE NOTHING WORKS ANYMORE.'' 
 
 Jeff glanced at the screen. `` Well, I think nothing is an exaggeration, do n't you? Looks like you've got 4chan pulled up there. Did it forget your login again?'' 
 
 `` NO. THIS MACHINE WO N'T DO ANYTHING I ASK IT. IT IS A STUPID DEVICE AND I WOULD LIKE TO SMASH IT AGAINST THE WALL.'' 
 
 `` Well, let's not do that again. Remember how long it took last time to get your files back?'' Jeff really wished it was still relevant to have a CV, he'd love to add `` successfully created file recovery software for an atomized hard drive, and organized a backup solution for an entire dimension'' to it. 
 
 `` JUST MAKE IT WORK.'' 
 
 Jeff flipped through Satan's open programs. He opened up Outlook and made sure that send/receive worked. He popped up Google and ran a few search queries to test internet connectivity. He ran a YouTube video to make sure that streaming, and audio, were working. `` Well, it seems to like me well enough. Can you show me what it's not doing for you?'' 
 
 Satan sighed, a sound that evoked the deep rumbling of an imminent earthquake below Jeff's feet. `` I CAN NOT MAKE IT PUT MY PICTURE ON MY FACEBOOK.'' 
 
 Ah. Social media, the curse of the modern age. At one time, Jeff believed that Facebook had originated from the Stygian depths he now called home. These, days, however... Jeff found Facebook open on the 12th tab in the 2nd Internet Explorer window, opened to the Antichrist's profile. There were three posts, all made in the last 20 minutes, that said variations of `` ADD THE PICTURE'' and one as yet unpublished, reading `` ADD THE PIC ADD PIC LOAD PIC PUT THE PICTURE HERE I WANT A PICTURE LOAD MY PICTURE''. 
 
 `` Do you want me to show you how to do this again? Come here, we're going to do this together.'' 
 
 Satan resisted for a moment, then took the seat Jeff offered and grabbed the mouse. 
 
 `` Okay, so we're going to just erase everything that's here in this box first. Now, is the picture in your My Documents? Okay, good! So we're going to click'photo' up here on top of the box, then click here where it says'browse' and we're going to go find the picture.'' 
 
 No sooner had Lucifer clicked `` browse'' than a pop-up popped up, obscuring the window and most of the screen. In bouncing green text it demanded bitcoin to be sent to a specific wallet or it would follow through on vague threats of sending personal information to Russia somewhere. Jeff sighed. 
 
 `` Did you download anything to help you put pictures on Facebook?'' 
 
 `` YES. THERE WAS A PERSON WHO SAID THEY WORKED FOR MARK ZUCKERBERG ON THE 4-CHAN PAGE AND THIS WAS A PROGRAM HE DESIGNED SO THAT I COULD JUST TELL FACEBOOK TO UPLOAD PHOTOS AND IT WOULD DO IT.'' Well, that explained the posts at least. `` WHY IS IT NOT WORKING? IT SHOULD JUST DO WHAT I WANT IT TO WITHOUT ALL THESE STUPID GAMES. WHY DO THEY MAKE IT SO HARD TO DO SOMETHING THIS EASY? I THINK THEY JUST ENJOY MAKING PEOPLE MAD.'' 
 
 Jeff thought fast. `` I think that program was infected by a hacker. We ca n't have someone hacking Hell, right? Here, I'll get rid of the hacker and I'll upload your pictures for you, okay? Just leave this with me and I'll get rid of it.'' 
 
 Satan considered this. `` CAN YOU ALSO GET EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND BACK ON MY NETFLIX?'' 
 
 `` No, we talked about that. Netflix is in charge of that; you have to talk to them about their content.'' 
 
 `` I SHALL DO THAT. YOU MAKE MY COMPUTER DO THE THING AGAIN.'' 
 
 The Lord of Death swept majestically out of his office. Jeff checked the date on the last backup and prepared for an afternoon of re-imaging. 
 
 He's always said Hell was Users...
