[ WP ] You have an ATM that gives you the exact amount of money you need to survive for the day , how you spend it is your choice . Today you are given $ 70,000,000 .

`` Could you please hurry up!'' The woman behind me shouted, hands clasped over her ears. Still very polite. Sirens had popped out of the top of the machine and an electronic voice boomed *WINNER WINNER WINNER* on a loop. Air horns still blew and the strobing red light attached to the alarm screamed at full peel, thankfully the machine had run out of confetti. 
 
 `` I- I'm trying!'' It occurred to me that one purpose of an alarm system was that it must be impossible to continue an organized heist with this sort of noise in your ear. The jaws of the machine opened and a tongue of twenty dollar bills appeared ten at a time. I grabbed the bunch and shoved them down my pants. 
 
 The woman returned to sighing aggressively and tapping her foot, using the body language of cartoons to express her annoyance. 
 
 `` I swear this never happens.'' I grabbed another leaf of bills from its mouth as it opened and closed - as if chewing. Spitting out bills. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. Twenties lay on the floor all around me. 
 
 First it filled up my wallet. Then it filled up my pockets. I tried to hold out my shirt and make a little basket that way, but soon not even that worked. I ended up cinching my pant legs tight into my shoes and just started shoving the dollars in there. I could feel sweaty paper rising up to meet my crotch. 
 
 The teeth unclenched and the motorized belt brought fourth another offering of $ 200. I had been here for over an hour. Man, my boss would be pissed when i showed up. 
 
 `` Some fucking people...'' The woman turned and left. Evidently her patience had finally run its course and you could tell she wanted me to hear the curse. If she was a gypsy I would be getting thinner. 
 
 `` Sorry! I'm really sorry!'' I tried but I could see her glaring through the car window as she left to find another ATM. I did some quick mental math. The machine gave $ 200 every few seconds. I grabbed a new batch and pushed it down and around my balls like laundry stuck on that central pillar. 
 
 *One one-thousand. Two one thousand. Three-* 
 
 This one went behind. There was still plenty of room in the seat of the trousers. About two and a half seconds. Two hundred dollars every two and a half seconds meant I needed to take my prize about 350,000 times. At two and a half seconds between each deposit that would mean I need to stay here... almost 900,000 seconds? 
 
 An elderly man replaced the woman behind and I could tell he was already starting to get agitated. 
 
 `` Are you going to be here much longer?'' 
 
 `` Ahhhhh only...'' I did n't want to do the math. `` Yes.'' 
 

