[ WP ] As the newly-elected President of the United States , you are given your first security briefing . In it , you are informed that the American Flag is a sentient being that demands to be worshipped in song by schoolchildren , and is hungry for more .

I sat across the dark suited men, looking every bit the'G Man'. The story they told was preposterous, crazy even. But if it were true... 
 `` How can you prove it to me?'' I asked. The eldest agent looked to the others, then opened up a small briefcase he had been holding. Inside was a small flag on a plastic stand, almost comical in its whimsical size. 
 `` Ah, greetings, new President. Welcome to the job.'' A voice said in my head. I looked about, only to hear a laugh. `` I'm speaking directly into your mind, do n't look about like a maroon.'' 
 `` Who or what are you?'' I inquired. 
 `` I am the representative of the flag. I've been doing this since Roosevelt was in charge.'' The flag explained. 
 `` Which one?'' 
 `` Would n't you like to know. Listen, we could sit here and chit chat all day, but we simply have a demand of you.'' The flag waited for the inevitable question. 
 `` What is it you want?'' I began to drum my fingers against the table, anything to help myself feel rooted in reality. 
 `` We need more school children. Ever since the'Pledge of Allegiance' started, we've been feeding off of the patriotic fervor behind it. And we've grown too, my how we've grown. Do you realize how many flags there are around the world? Why, we're everywhere. And we know all your secrets. Feed us, and live in freedom.'' The silence in my head was only interrupted by a cough from one of the agents. 
 `` Do... do you know what it is to be an American?'' I asked aloud. The agents looked to me, confused, but did n't answer. The flag managed an inquisitive'Hmm'. I continued, `` Being an American is freedom, itself. Not what you said, freedom to breath, freedom to just keep living. Being an American means freedom to choose. People do what jobs they want, go to what schools they want, drive what cars they want and own whatever objects they want.'' 
 I stood up, like I was making a grand speech. `` Being an American means the freedom to do what I want in my own bedroom with any consenting partner, it means the freedom to live wherever I want. But most importantly,'' I leaned down to put my face right by the flags cloth `` It means freedom of speech. And by speech, I mean all forms of expression.'' With a quick flick of a bic, I lit the flag aflame. 
 The agents looked aghast, glancing from one to the other, until finally settling their gaze upon me. 
 `` I have a decree, an Executive Order. Open up a forum to decide upon a new flag, something entirely different from this one. And send out agents to gather all the flags and burn them. That any president before me let this threat grow is ridiculous.'' I sat down, all at once tired. A small voice spoke into my head again. 
 `` Fool, you ca n't get us all, you've just started a war you ca n't hope to win. You should've just followed our orders!'' 
 I looked to the melting pile of plastic and cloth and smirked. `` You're dealing with an American here... we do n't do well with orders from other authorities... kinda how we got started.'' And with a slap, I crushed the remains.
