[ WP ] You return home from work and your girlfriend is not home . You text her `` where are you ? '' and she responds `` Im home , where are you ? ''

`` Where is she?!'' My inner dialogue races as the panic sets in. I've never been melodramatic or a hypochondriac, quite the opposite. I'm a'if you were any more laid back you'd be horizontal' kind of guy. This is just weird though. I know what your thinking, `` she's in the bathroom doing her makeup.'' Nope, checked there. `` Garage?'' Nope. `` Jesus, she's probably in the bedroom or some other room.'' Nope and nope again smart arse. 
 
 I could simply text her back, but modern societal ideals are preventing me. `` She obviously does n't want me to know where she is, otherwise she would n't have lied in the first place'' I mumble to myself in miffed, almost pathetic self pity. `` So there's no point in replying''. The self pity then turns to anger and possibly unjustified paranoia. `` Oh Jesus, is she having an affair?! Bitch, how could she do this to me?!'' See, I'm not the biggest catch, but by no means the worst either. I eat healthily and go to the gym 3 times a week. I'm a self employed carpenter who earns a decent wage, work bloody hard for it too. Availability ca n't be an issue for her, the aforementioned job means I can pick and choose working hours, to a certain extent anyway. 
 
 The next 5 minutes seems to last for an eternity. The unknown does funny things to a man. Irrational things. Before I can even comprehend my own actions, my Galaxy S7 is calling Nina. That's the missus by the way. Well, not for much longer... 
 
 `` Hi babe, where you too?'' she answers. Babe?! The love of my life has commited the worst possible sin in a relationship and is pretending everything's fine?! Uh oh, that was the red rag to the bull. `` I'm in OUR home, where you claim to be. Who is he? What's he got that I do n't? I've sacrificed a large part of my life to make you happy and this is how you repay me?! What happened to planning for a baby, huh? What about getting a mortgage? Well looks like you've ended those plans. Hope he's worth it. 
 
 A period of time passed in silence. Felt like a LONG time. All of a sudden, the despicable wench pipes up...'' Joe, you're an absolute twat.'' Whaaat?! She's broken my heart and that's all she can say?! Before I get the chance to go off on another tangent, she intervenes. `` Jesus Christ... I was going to wait til tomorrow and surprise you but you've ruined that... you know that anonymous lottery winner we read about in the paper the other week... you guessed it, it was me... I am at home, our new home. 5 bed, 3 acres of land, in the Cotswold's. Baby this is our life now.'' 
 
 Moral of the story. Do n't be a dick to your partner, they may have just made you rich.
