[ OT ] Sunday Free Write : Leave A Story , Leave A Comment - Another Call for Moderators Edition

Sometimes I convince myself if I dress right she'll feel the same about me. When that does n't work, I'll lose a little sleep at night but decide to eat healthier. For a while I will but then I'll find myself eating too much even when I've only had one bowl of rice all day. 
 
 When that does n't work, I'll lose a little more weight than I should and decide to start working out. I'll waste the little bit of energy that I do have, and still work out every day. 
 
 When that does n't work, I'll lose even more sleep and go to the doctor. I'll ask him to fix me and he'll say `` but there's nothing wrong'' and I'll tell him about all the sleep lost and weight lost. At this point, you'll be on my mind 24 fucking 7 and I'll tell the doc how I just sit in bed and think about you every damn day but never sleep. He'll decide I have depression and throw some anti-anxiety medication into the mix for good measure. I'll take them. Every. Day. 
 
 That'll seem to work according to the doctor but I'll be a different person. You'll think I'm fronting and like me even less, and I'll like me a little less and agree but not care because of the medication. 
 
 And then, I'll try to quit one day and not be able to. My feelings for you will all flood back, but you'll be with someone. Someone who is n't me. And it'll be worse because I'll be cold and shaky and sweating at the same time. I'll grab empty bottles and rattle them, even though I know they're empty. 
 
 Finally, I'll decide to make up for all that lost sleep. And I'll not wake up. 
 
 
 
 
 Edit: This is something I thought about writing. I feel like I am in this process right now, and some of it has n't happened to me yet. I like this girl and she shows some level of attraction to me ( I think, or is it just friendliness? ) but I never can bring myself past the anxiety of just talking to her even. I have bad anxiety anyway, and I'm afraid to get diagnosed because a lot if people get addicted and things only go down hill from there. Right now I just kind of cope with and hide it but when my mind blanks out and all I wan na do is start dry heaving when I am talking to the ( in my mind ) most important person I know I ca n't help but be a little pessimistic.
