[ WP ] Around the world , the following message was heard : `` We would like to announce that Hell is finally empty . ''

The Devil slowly strode around the empty fire pits and lovingly brushed his hand along the polished brass safety rail. Once these had all been full of screaming souls, but it had been a long time since they'd been busy enough that they had needed indiscriminate punishment, recently it had all been bespoke. 
 
 Back in the day it had been thick crowds of people, hoarded through the doors and then stacked in huge suffocating piles, until they could be spiked and thrown into a fire pit, or a cauldron of oil or any one of the millions of the mass punishments they operated. 
 
 That was in the past now, for a long time it had been down to less than one soul a month and in the last year no one at all had pushed through the gates, trembling with terror as the huge gouts of flame roared to the ceiling. A few weeks ago he'd had one of his lesser demons actually switch off the main furnace for a few days, there just did n't seem to be much point in keeping it on. 
 
 He wandered on and spent several hours slowly moving through the rack room, lovingly inspecting each rack, but knowing it would be in perfect order. In their prime there had been *fields* of humans screaming for mercy, but now they all sat empty. It just did n't feel right to be here without the wailing, he missed the wailing. 
 
 There had been so much time for maintenance in the last few centuries, everything was repaired, cleaned and more often the smell of brimstone was overpowered by lemon pledge. He'd have preferred to leave it grimy but with so many demons he had to keep them busy. The repairs had kept them going for a few millennia, but even that work had been completed and with so few coming through the door and their punishments being able to be so precise, there just was n't the need for mass punishments any more. 
 
 With a final shake of his head, the Devil extended huge, leathery, red wings from his back and took off, flapping up and towards his castle, feeling the strain of flight without the thermals from all the flames, that used to aid his flying. 
 
 He reached the huge doors of his throne room, folded back his wings and pushed them open - they did n't even creak any more. The vast room was large enough to accommodate thousands, it used to be too small, but now the only demon in there was Azroz, his valet, who waited for him by his throne. 
 
 Slumping down he summoned Azroz to him. `` What's the news?'' he tried to keep his voice hopeful, but it was a lost battle. 
 
 `` Uh... I'm afraid there has been no change, I have read the runes and the balance on earth is still currently overwhelmingly balanced towards... erm... upstairs.'' The little demon shuffled nervously. `` My Lord, we've laid off so many demons lately, but there are still a few who remain and it seems pointless to keep them on any more. They suffer from great boredom.'' 
 
 The Devil looked at Azroz sadly. `` You're right, who do we have left?'' 
 
 Azroz consulted his list. `` Well, Nzerachron the despoiler is still here.'' 
 
 The Devil clicked his fingers. `` Gone'' 
 
 Azroz cleared his throat and crossed off a name. `` Mrrrrkrum the bloody.'' 
 
 The Devil hesitated `` Boy, Mrrrrkrum was something in his prime, I've never seen a human skinned so fast.'' He sighed and shaking his head, clicked his fingers. 
 
 Azroz hesitated. `` Well, that's the last of the Demon Princes my Lord, that just leaves the service imps, you and... er... me.'' 
 
 The Devil nodded, distractedly. `` I just did n't see it coming Azroz, really, I was so *blind* to it.'' 
 
 The little demon moved from foot to foot nervously. `` My Lord?'' 
 
 `` Those religious nut jobs with their fancy new religion. I kind of ignored them, not seeing that they did n't care so much about the story, but the were making people **be** better. I thought it would go the way of all religions; war, suffering, hypocrisy and more work for us. By the time I spotted that the crowds in the entrance halls were getting smaller, they'd managed to erect that anti-demon barrier and after that we were just *fucked*.'' 
 
 Azroz reached up and bravely patted the Devil's leg. `` Maybe we should have never let the souls go after they had served their time?'' 
 
 The Devil shook his head. `` No, we had to obey the rules, they served their time and needed to be released. The game was played out and it looks like we lost, no point putting it off.'' He clicked his fingers and Azroz suddenly seemed to stretch and bend, compressing and elongating with a meaty crunching noise as his body was liquidated and then disappeared with a faint pop. The Devil shook his head again. `` Goodbye old friend.'' 
 
 It did n't take long to scratch out a message, just in case anyone in the future happened to wander by hell and he hung it on the gate `` *Hell abandoned, due to lack of work. If you have been bad then please damn yourself. *'' 
 
 He took took last look around and smiled. It had been a good run, he'd served his purpose and now it was time to end. He raised his claws and prepared for one final click, when from somewhere behind him a faint thump caught his attention. 
 
 Curious, he turned and found a naked man sprawled on the ground. After a moment the man slowly moved and looked up to see the Devil standing over him, tall, red and terrifying. He scrambled away, looking around in a panic. `` Where am I? Oh no, is this hell?'' 
 
 The Devil paused, considering. `` Well, yes...'' 
 
 The man broke into tears. `` *No! * I tried so hard but they've made the rules impossible to follow since the changes!'' He collapsed into a sobbing heap. 
 
 The Devil moved forward and crouched by the man, letting him get it out. He tried to make his voice kindly. `` Tell me, what rules did they change?'' 
 
 The man looked up. `` You do n't know? The reformation rules just went into effect today; I was reading them and then walked outside and got hit by a car and now I'm... I'm... *here*!'' 
 
 The Devil stood, stroking his beard, curious. `` Reformation? Interesting.'' 
 
 `` Yeah.'' the man snivelled `` Loads of things that were fine before are now mortal sins.'' 
 
 In the corner of his eye, the Devil saw a small puff of dust as another person plummeted and then impacted in the reception area. He stood and slowly backed up, surreptitiously pulling the sign from the gate. `` Well there you go, a reformation! Humans always manage to find a way to keep things interesting.'' 
 
 Now the sound of more bodies landing could be heard, like a gentle rain and somewhere wailing had begun. Already a dozen or so people were shuffling forwards, towards the Devil, their fear clear and eyes wide. A smile crept back onto his face and he turned pushing the gates open; it seemed he was back in business. 

