[ WP ] aliens invade earth but what the do n't realise is that humans have been fighting each other forever and have become very good at it .

I often tell my spawn the story of our arrival to earth. The federative computers randomly drafted me as one of the soldiers that were sent with the invasion force; an armada of twelve warships each holding a legion of roughly seven- to tenthousand fully grown khavians, more than enough, said the computers. 
 
 When we first reached earth, the khavian vessels -it was a colorful bunch made up by the ships of three different clans- hung around in orbit for roughly nine months, careful to not make their intention known. This was a common tactic for our race- we didn ’ t mind being known as sneaky backstabbers, as long it served to minimize losses on both sides. We didn ’ t ritualize violence. We would hang back and study the local agents. Most of our soldiers in fact, were specialized in the scientific arts- martial skills were secondary. We would get to know the locals and use the knowledge we gathered to effectively take over. 
 
 My specialization was in the biotechnological arts. I was in one of the first teams to be tasked to investigate the human as an organism. What we found at first was not particularly surprising: Like with most multi-cell organisms in the universe, us khavians included, their reproductive systems could be differentiated in roughly two categories, the fusion of two individual organism ’ s gametes providing a massive advantage in gene diversity compared to, say, organisms that reproduce by cloning themselves. We then discovered that they use culturally encoded signifiers to make the nature of their reproductive systems immediately known to others. Such signifiers included the way they styled the protein-threads that covered their skulls and faces, or the fashion of fabric they covered their bodies with. Albeit this was quite uncommon, we had enough records that show that it sometimes tended to happen to happen. 
 
 What we discovered next was quite shocking though. I vividly remember the conversation I had with the informatician who volunteered to handle the data our team collected. 
 
 “ They construct castes based on physical characteristics. ” 
 
 “ Like we used to back in the day when being a soldier required the you to have the strong kind of pincers? ” 
 
 “ No, they do it based on reproductive organs. Their reproductive system signifiers seem to permeate their whole 
 culture. ” 
 
 “ You mean like the genassians, who employ them in their extensive mating rituals? ” 
 
 “ No..it ’ s … ” 
 
 “ The yanedi when they were close to extinction? You know putting a massive emphasis on their reproductive systems in their art and craft and all that. ” 
 
 “ No, Kedda. They employ their signifiers in every single spect of their life. ” 
 The informatician looked puzzled. 
 
 “ Lanoi, what? ” 
 
 “ We didn ’ t understand at first either. They had rituals to bind one of each kind to each other, or a number of those who carry the spawn in it ’ s infant stage to one of the other kind. They give different laboring roles to the carriers. ” 
 
 “ Not that weird, the yanedi did it similarly. Uh.. the salumenians too I think. ” 
 
 “ No, Kedda listen up. At some point in their history they constructed entire ideologies that applied the dualistic principle to made up modes of existence based on their reproductive organs. ” 
 
 “ Lanoi. What? ” 
 
 “ It ’ s as if they invented two different species out of themselves. ” 
 
 “ That ’ s… it kind of resembles the reproductive cycle of the var- “ 
 
 “ The varassian floaters? No with humans this isn ’ t a thing us biotechnicians can handle. This is pure ideology. It exists because they WANT it to, it ’ s not physical, Kedda, it ’ s completely weird. ” 
 
 “ And very fascinating… ” 
 
 With time, more and more khavians were caught up in this fascination. We learned what that weird thing was the humans invented, and we learned their word for it- gender. We used it as a loan-word. Many khavians wanted to try it out. It didn ’ t take long until arguments erupted, and two factions of khavian-genderists formed: The phallicians, who believed that those of us who carried the infant should perform the male, because the organ we used to extract gametes from our partners resembled the gamete-dispensing organ of humans, which seemed to be the organ their entire ideology was constructed on. The phallicians therefore thought the physical resemblance should be the most important aspect in the distribution of gender among kavians. The other faction, the uterians, believed that functional resemblance was more important than aesthetical resemblance. They said if we carry the infant, we should perform the female, like the human carriers do. The shape of our extractors resembling the dispenser of humans is secondary in their opinion. 
 
 Nearly all khavians of the invasion force where caught up in this gender thing in one way or another, either leading dogmatic debates about phallicianism and uterianism, the proper way to dominate one another in their relationships, or trying to fight the peer pressure of genderplay. By the time the dust has settled nuclear missiles wreaked havoc upon our ships ( the barbarians still used those! ) and all those of us lucky enough to survive, because we were on the ground at the time, had nothing to do but live our lives like the humans do, in vile jealousy, needless violence, suspicious and hateful of each other. In the end it turned out that their most dangerous weapon was not their crude machines, but the sheer lunacy of their minds. 

