[ WP ] You reject someone by saying `` I 'll go on a date with you the day hell freezes over . '' The next day , Satan appears in your room , shivering , and covered in snow .

`` Well?'' She says, wringing her hands expectantly. I turn the device over in my hands again and again, inspecting every angle of this boxy ray-gun looking contraption. I'm not sure what she wants from me. `` The construction looks solid enough, I do n't know that the flame decals were strictly necessary.'' I offer. She rolls her eyes `` I did n't ask you how it *looked*, I asked if you thought it would work.'' I'm still not sure why she brings her creations to me for inspection, I've never been all that into mad science. Fraud and defamation has always been more my style of villainy, it's just... cleaner. I put the device gently down by my keyboard. `` Look, Liz, I'm not sure how this would work even if I understood the science behind it. You've certainly come up with some really neat stuff, but inter-dimensional travel? Even if you pulled it off, is n't that incredibly dangerous?'' She gives me a wave of dismissal and scoffs. `` You're being a Luddite, this will change the way everything works for everyone! Imagine being able to escape any situation by launching yourself into an alternate reality? Imagine being able to acquire any resources you need-'' her face screws up into an unusual frown `` You know, you not inventing things really takes the steam out of that second point, but I think you still follow. Hey! When are you taking me out for dinner on you, like you promised you would over a week ago?'' I had sincerely hoped she had n't remembered. 
 
 For the last six months I'd been struggling to crack Computering Incorporated, a moronic multi-national corporation that had a name indicative of the intellect of its executive staff. They had slighted me by acquiring the much smaller ChipHub, which I had slowly been running into the ground after having a bad experience at one of their mall-side service kiosks. Customer service representatives never give me the respect I deserve. I figured my full vengeance had only been delayed, not actually halted, until the megacorp introduced a whole suite of new digital security measures. All of my progress, all my work, it ground to a halt. I was complaining about it over drinks with Liz. When I described to her the security software, her face lit up. `` I could crack that in minutes given physical access, but I wo n't do it for free.'' In my half-drunk state I laugh. `` If you can crack their security, I'll take you out for dinner, anywhere you want.'' Liz insisted we shake on it, she has weird sensibilities. 
 
 Fast-forward three days and we're both jammed uncomfortably into a small supply closet around the corner from the server room of the local branch of Computering Inc., I kept trying not to look at her cleavage, I'm certain she wore some kind of push-up bra or something, she never looks that... perky. We were stuck in that closet in uncomfortable awkward silence for over an hour waiting for a shift change, after our eyes adjusted to what little light soaked in from under the door frame, we would sometimes lock eyes. Liz would just smile, and occasionally wink from behind her wireframe glasses. Being that close for so long made me uncomfortably aware of how attractive she is. I've always envied her ability to use her looks to help her maneuver through social situations. With my thick dark hair and my scrawny build I was never much to look at... er, this is n't that important to the story. We finally made it into the server room, I estimated we had about 10 minutes to gain access and get clear before the next shift showed up. Liz worked her magic and had us out in less than 5, not two hours later we were back in our apartment laughing and high-fiving. A day after that I was back on top, slowly burning Computering Incorporated's ChipHub assets to the ground, mostly in a metaphorical sense. But something went wrong, they traced Liz's machinery through the network and found my computer, before they could do anything with my computer, I bricked it myself, with a brick that I keep nearby for just such an eventuality. I sat in nervous contemplation for three days, expecting the police to knock, SWAT to `` knock knock'', or some do-gooder in tights to enter without knocking. I hardly ate, I did n't sleep, and the silence was too much to bear. Liz seemed unaffected, or maybe she uses her workshop to alleviate stress, honestly I'm not sure. 
 
 `` Hello? Anybody home? I asked you a question!'' Liz snaps me back to the present day. `` Look, Taylor, I did what you asked me to do, you got the access you wanted, you owe me dinner.'' Her tone is getting increasingly insistent. I shake my head `` No no no, you cost me a computer, and who knows how much work bringing down ChipHub? You'll get your dinner when Hell freezes over.'' She looks hurt for an instant, and then her entire demeanor changes. Liz snatches her device from my desk and storms off to her workshop. Probably for the best, that conversation was slowly getting awkward anyway. 
 
 I worked on my new rig for a little bit, taking what few components I could from my old system, and what I had purchased from the ChipHub kiosk. If there were but a slightly more convenient electronics store alternative! Alas. After tinkering for a bit I went to bed, there would be plenty of time tomorrow to finish my rig, I should be back to harassing Computering Incorporated by Thursday. 
 
 I'm awoken by the sound of something entering my room, breathing heavily. The sound of hooves on hardwood floor is unmistakeable. Sounds too heavy to be any goat I've seen. I hesitate for a moment, but the movement stops feet away from my bed. I simultaneously reach for the lamp and the machete I keep beside the bed. I turn on my would-be attacker and am dumbstruck by the pale red figure of a satyr. `` What is this? Some kind of joke?'' I'm in no mood for jokes after the past couple of weeks. The horned figure shakes his head sadly. `` My realm is being held hostage. I've been told that your bearing witness will be its saving grace. Please, if you would just come with me.'' The figure indicates my bedroom door, still ajar, and I realize the satyr is wearing manacles of ice on their hands. I decide to put on pants before leaving my room, which is more often a good call than not. The satyr leads me to Liz's workshop which is emitting an eerie green glow. 
 
 As we proceed through the doorway, my jaw drops at the sight of another doorway, previously nonexistent ( to my knowledge ). This doorway is lined with green fire, and leads into a plane of ice and snow falling on wretched, pitiful looking sharp creatures, trying to find any cover amongst the rocky crags, huddled together for warmth in their jagged plane. The satyr crosses ahead of me and then turns to beckon, he looks miserable as he sinks his hooves into calf-deep snow. `` This will take but a moment. Please!'' I step through the doorway, now completely awestruck, hardly feeling the crunch of snow under my bare feet, even as the hem of my pants slowly soaks. From behind me I hear a maniacal laugh, and the gateway slams shut with a `` FWOOMP''. I spin around and Liz is standing atop a throne, her ice beam is connected to a large generator I've never seen before and is shooting a constant stream of frost against the roof of this cavernous world. For a moment I contemplate how this world can have a roof, when I can see no supporting structures, but I decide not to question it for the time being. Liz locks eyes with me, she's wearing her trademark lab coat and has put enough spray and static into her red hair that it fans out behind her like a peacock on display. Even with her goggles on I can tell that she's got a sort of fire in her eyes. `` Behold Taylor! Behold the works of Liz, and tremble!'' The satyr sighs. I take another look around. The satyr pleads with Liz `` She has seen! Are we not finished here!?'' Liz sneers and says `` Our bargain is quite nearly complete, Satan. Bring me a dress for Taylor, and make it something suitably slinky. She's taking me to dinner tonight.''
