[ WP ] Write up a new conspiracy theory , and cite as much 'proof ' as you can find .

Look, I'm not saying that Republican presidential candidate and self-professed compulsive feline-grabber Donald Trump is actually a fleshbot controlled by a malevolent vegetable from Hell -- I'm just saying that a lot of OTHER people are saying that he is. Consider the facts: 
 
 1 ) First, and most importantly: `` Donnie Trump'' is an anagram for `` Demon Turnip.'' I mean, does it get any more obvious?? Everything this'man' does seems intended to destroy the GOP, which if you've been paying attention is THE PARTY THAT LIKES GOD MORE. The demon turnip was sent by Satan to drag the United States of America into a cultural civil war from which no ounce of religion could escape. 
 
 2 ) A lot of people are saying that the turnip probably enters and exits the command center in Donald's head through a trap door beneath his comb-over. This explains why he wears a hat whenever possible, especially in stiff winds. 
 
 3 ) Why a turnip? Well, note that Donald Trump never eats green vegetables, only meats and starches: steaks, Muslim babies, taco bowls w/o lettuce, pizza ( with a fork!! ), etc. In the demonic hellscape that our country will become if his nefarious plot succeeds, no one will be allowed to eat vegetables any longer. Can you imagine the nutritional implications of this? Where will we get our vitamins and fiber? 
 
 4 ) Why a turnip? ( part two ): Why not? Is it really that hard to believe? How else do you explain his behavior? Did I show you the anagram thing? 
 
 5 ) Note that Melania Trump's name can be rearranged to spell `` A Minaret Plum,'' suggesting that Melania may actually be controlled by a sentient Muslim plum, perhaps sent by Allah to try and stop Donald. Although she is almost certainly undercover. This would explain her attempts to subtly sabotage his campaign, as when she knowingly plagiarized a speech by Michelle Obama ( a secret Muslim ) or wore a Pussy Bow to the second debate. 
 
 6 ) It is almost certain that Donald Trump's tax returns show charitable contributions to demonic, Satan-worshipping, and vegetable rights organizations, and that's why he does n't want to release them. 
 
 Of course, I'm not saying you should vote for Hillary Clinton instead. Everybody says she's a crook, but they do n't say what KIND of crook, even though the truth is right there in front of them: Hillary Rodham Clinton, aka Handy Hot Roll Criminal, has been using her position of power to burglarize bakeries across the country since at least the early 90s.
