[ WP ] You open a can of soda and it begins speaking to you .

`` Hooooly crap, your breath do n't'alf pong of a sewer that's gone well off.'' 
 
 `` What?'' said Travis. `` Who said that? I'll rip off your...'' 
 
 `` No need to get all uppity, mate,'' said the voice. `` I'm in your hand.'' Travis looked down at the can of cola he was about to drink. `` There we go, chum. If you're gon na take a swig, at least hold your breath, right? Do n't wan na pass out or nothing.'' 
 
 Travis held the can and arm's length. `` You're a bloody talking can of soda!'' 
 
 `` Too damn right I am. And what's it to you? And why the hell is your breath so bloody _terrible_, mate? It smells like you ate a dying dog that ate dying food. That had halitosis.'' 
 
 `` I do n't have to take this, especially from an insulting soda. And why the hell are you able to talk?'' 
 
 The soda was quiet for a minute, and then said, quite simply: `` Because I _can_.'' 
 
 `` I've had enough.'' Travis angrily placed the tin on the floor and started pushing down. 
 
 `` Wait!'' cried the soda. And then more painfully, `` Why?'' 
 
 `` Because your insults and your jokes,'' said Travis grimly as he crushed the tin, soda spilling over the floor, `` are soda-pressing.''
