[ WP ] The devil has been put on trial for crimes against humanity , and you have just been appointed his advocate ...

I sat in my seat, right next to Satan. For a guy whose name means adversary, he's been rather accommodating throughout this whole process. We actually enjoyed a nice dinner together last night. Shrimp cocktails are apparently his favorite food. He joked, something about abominations, but I have n't had any ill effects. Delicious. 
 
 `` Please rise. Honorable Judge Harrison residing.'' 
 
 Oh right, my case. I stood, dipping my head in respect as the judge entered the room. He was a tall, lean man, lips pursed in a permanent frown. Thick-framed glasses perched on his nose, hiding his eyes. 
 
 This was going to be a piece of cake. 
 
 `` Will the devil's advocate make his opening statement?'' 
 
 I smiled, stepping out from my seat. I do better work when I pace. `` Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury,'' I said. `` Let me begin by addressing the first sin of my client, and the root cause of this case.'' 
 
 I waited a moment before continuing. All eyes were on me, and most of them were filled with doubt. I could overcome that. I knew which buttons to press. 
 
 `` In the beginning, God put man in a garden. How many of you have gardened?'' 
 
 Two or three hands popped up. 
 
 `` How many of you think gardening is fun?'' 
 
 The hands stayed up. 
 
 `` Good. See, God is good.'' I chuckled as the devil fidgeted in his seat. `` Now, my client's first real error, against humanity at least, is teasing them into eating the apple of knowledge. Let us look at what we have gained from the devil.'' 
 
 `` Adam and Eve were naked, and did not even know it. Had they not eaten the apple, we would not have clothes.'' My eyes met a particularly attractive woman's eyes, and she shrank back in the jury box. `` Every one of us, naked as newborn babes.'' 
 
 `` That's not that bad,'' one of the men said, speaking out of turn. Before the judge could silence him, I waved my hand. 
 
 `` Of course not. We would be as innocent and foolish as babes as well, of course. Immortal. No pain in childbirth. No issues in life. 
 
 `` However, without any strife, any necessity for invention, where would we be today?'' 
 
 I waited a second. They did n't get it. Of course they did n't. 
 
 `` Tell me,'' I asked. `` How would you like to walk around naked in a garden for the rest of eternity, working with only the intelligence of a docile dog?'' 
 
 Shocked expressions. A little bit of revulsion. Good. 
 
 `` Without necessity, where would your fancy dresses be? Your cars? Your computers, electronics, guns, what have you? All human advancement would be cut off. We would be gardeners without even a sofa to crash on, sleeping out in the grass like animals! Our kinks, fetishes, creative ideas, inventions... you want to despise all of that?'' 
 
 They were murmuring now. I was almost done. 
 
 `` Not only that, but did you know that there was no death before the first sin? That means that there was no meat! No animals died to make food! If it were not for my friend, humanity's friend, we would all be naturists, cavemen, vegans, gardeners, with no escape, for all eternity! Which hell would you prefer?! 
 
 `` The Greeks told of Prometheus, the god who broke the rules to bring fire to humans. They understood the real motives behind their benefactor. I give you, for judgment, my client, our Prometheus. Does he deserve death for the gifts you enjoy?'' 
 
 Amid stunned silence, I sat back down next to Satan. He gave me an approving nod and slipped some weed under the table. 
 
 `` Hey, what are you doing?'' I whispered, shoving his hand back. He reluctantly withdrew and shoved the leaves into his suit. 
 
 `` Just a little thanks,'' he whispered. `` Where I'm from, it grows like lettuce.'' 

