[ WP ] Sir , we have made contact with an advanced alien species . Unfortunately sir , they 're assholes

`` Assholes?'' 
 `` Yes sir. They seem like pricks.'' 
 `` Lieutenant, I have half a mind right now to throw you out the airlock for using such language on *my* bridge.'' 
 `` I understand sir. If you just read what they -- -'' 
 `` Mother Earth's fleets deserve better than such vulgarity from an officer!'' 
 `` Sir, the message they sent is -- -'' 
 `` How *dare* you speak in such a way after making contact with an alien species?!'' 
 `` I could care less sir.'' 
 `` *What?! *'' 
 `` Sir, I joined Mother Earth's fleets as a comm's specialist to be among the first to make a first contact. It's been my dream. You've seen my files and my records. I've dedicated my *life* to the fleets by the off chance that I could be the one to receive a message from an advanced alien species. Now there's hardly any point.'' 
 `` What makes you think you, a *lieutenant*, can make such an assessment on the fleet's directives?'' 
 `` Because two hours ago, I received a message from an Interplanetary Diplomat for the Andromeda Galaxy, and for two hours, I debated deleting it.'' 
 `` I'll see you hanged for this Lieutenant!!'' 
 `` Like I said sir, it's unfortunate. You should read what they called us. They're assholes.'' 
 `` Before I brig you for this, obscene display of insubordination, how in the stars did you determine they are... assholes?'' 
 `` I've been trying to tell you sir. Just read the message.'' 
 `` Very well. Throw it on the main console screen.'' 
 `` Uh, sir, are you sure you want the whole bridge to read this?'' 
 `` It ca n't be more obscene than your vulgarity Lieutenant.'' 
 `` You would be surprised sir. [ Here it is ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/31bvbr/wp_for_years_an_alien_race_has_been_intercepting/cq05jjg ).'' 
 
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - 
 
 `` Oh sweet Mother.'' 
 `` Are you alright sir?'' 
 `` I... give me a moment Lieutenant.'' 
 `` As you wish sir. Shall I escort myself to the brig?'' 
 `` No, just... you're dismissed.'' 
 `` Aye aye sir. I just have one question.'' 
 `` Make it quick.'' 
 `` Will do. What in the name of Mars is Mountain Dew?''
