[ WP ] It suddenly becomes possible to gain XP and level up in the real world , but you can only do so by getting kills .

`` You were boiling an egg?'' 
 
 Traffic on the 405. Stop and go. Mostly stop. 
 
 `` Yeah, an egg.'' 
 
 `` ONE egg.'' 
 
 `` One egg. That's it. I do n't know who's wise idea it was to keep oven mitts on top of the stove awning -- is that even what you call it?'' 
 
 `` Where the vents are, sure.'' 
 
 `` Yeah. That thing is literally a slippery slope. Mitt fell right the fuck onto the stove and caught fire.'' 
 
 Jon cackles in the passenger seat. Jon the platelet. Benji the platelet. Benji the platelet, blocking up a hard artery in West America, Planet Earth. 
 
 *You're not in traffic, you are traffic. * Where have I heard that before? 
 
 `` You're an idiot dude, you almost burnt the house down boiling an egg? How does that happen? There's like, more water than fire.'' 
 
 `` I was doing laundry at the same time. I folded everything and got lost on Reddit. Forgot I was hungry.'' 
 
 `` Dude, that's why you do n't leave shit unsupervised in the kitchen.'' 
 
 `` The landlords did n't install a fucking smoke alarm, it would n't have been that bad. Kevin almost died.'' 
 
 Jon cackles again, fighting tears. 
 
 I raise my voice for emphasis. 
 
 `` Dude sleeps past two in the afternoon, and has the gall to tell people to quiet down. I'm doing fucking chores, asshole!'' 
 
 `` Wait, he did n't know?'' 
 
 `` No dude! It was n't until Mike came home, like twenty minutes after the thing caught on fire that he started screaming at me,'BENJI, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MAN?' And I walk out. You know how my hallway has a bend?'' 
 
 `` Yeah.'' 
 
 `` I had no idea. Thought the neighbors were barbecuing. Smoke did n't come to my door, but once you step out, you ca n't see shit. Like literally, hold your hand in front of you and it's lost.'' 
 
 `` Kevin slept through all of this?'' 
 
 `` Totally. He had like a six inch pocket of air hanging over him, because the armrests on the sofa were that much higher than his face. Looked like he was in a coffin. Actually I think he probably woke up and decided it was okay if he just died.'' 
 
 `` Shit, not like he pays rent anyway.'' 
 
 We sit in silence. 
 
 Stop. 
 
 Go. 
 
 Stop again. 
 
 I break the silence with a chuckle, then Jon joins in. My abs burn. My fitness training for the day. 
 
 `` Christ, what is happening? LET'S GO, PEOPLE! LET'S PRETEND WE HAVE LIVES TO LIVE, GOD DAMMIT!'' 
 
 `` I can walk faster than this.'' 
 
 `` Oh, my god. I think it's clearing up ahead.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, looks like there's an accident on the other side.'' 
 
 `` Dammit man, somebody better have died for this.'' 
 
 I swerve to the left lane, and like a breath of fresh air after crawling through a collapsed mine, I'm finally going. 
 
 `` BRO.'' 
 
 `` SHIT!'' 
 
 I slam on the brakes but it's too late. There's some cholo crushed beneath my wheels. 
 
 `` Oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm sorry dude.'' 
 
 `` Are you serious?!'' 
 
 We get out of the car. Cholo is barely breathing. 
 
 `` You okay man? Can you stand?'' 
 
 `` He's coughing blood, his eyes are like, super dilated, dude. I do n't think he's going to make it.'' 
 
 `` Shut the FUCK up Jon! You're NOT being helpful.'' 
 
 `` What are you going to do?'' 
 
 `` I do n't know!'' 
 
 `` Cops are right there, I can see them.'' 
 
 `` I know!'' 
 
 `` What are you going to do?'' 
 
 `` What the fuck do you want me to do man! Hey dude, hang in there. Fuck!'' 
 
 I watch helplessly as his breaths become shorter and farther between. His eyes focus farther and farther into the sky. 
 
 Then suddenly... 
 
 `` I think I'm going to by an egg timer.'' 
 
 `` What?!'' 
 
 `` If I get some asiago, chorizo, and onions, I can make a pretty mean frittata.'' 
 
 `` You want to go to the *store? *'' 
 
 *And some russet potatoes and bell peppers. * 
 
 Maybe even some avocados and extra onions for a nice guac. Guac has always been about onions. That's where all the flavor and texture comes from. Do n't forget cilantro and lemon. 
 
 
 
 

