[ WP ] `` By the way , I 'm a dragon . ''

`` Get the fuck out of here. What? Are you serious?'' 
 
 `` I'm telling you.'' 
 
 `` You do n't look like a dragon, Carl.'' 
 
 `` Yeah no shit. Can you imagine if I did? People would flip out. Hence the disguise.'' 
 
 `` As an overweight, shorts-wearing, 50 year old UPS delivery man.'' 
 
 `` Do n't judge. I fooled you, did n't I? Besides, we all got to do what it takes to get by, do n't we?'' 
 
 `` Why though? I mean why do you go to work delivering stuff to people's homes and shit when you're... if, as you say, you are indeed...'' 
 
 `` A motherfucking DRAGON?'' 
 
 `` Well, OK, yes.'' 
 
 `` Did you consider that I might have some kind of higher purpose in life? Some kind of higher dragon purpose? In life? And that it need n't necessarily be obvious to a regular Joe Schmoe like you what that might be?'' 
 
 `` But Carl, I've known you for the past 15 years, and never once have you come out to me as a dragon, or done even the slightest dragon-like thing that might have made me at least suspect you of being one.'' 
 
 `` Such as?'' 
 
 `` Such as?' How about such as breathing fire out of your pie hole for once instead of stuffing it with burritos and saying frankly disturbing shit, Carl, shit like ``'Oh and by the way, Dave, I'm a dragon.''' 
 
 `` And there it is.'' 
 
 `` There what is?'' 
 
 `` You're stereotyping me.'' 
 
 `` I'm stereotyping you?'' 
 
 `` It has n't been but a couple of minutes since I told you the terrible secret of my being a dragon, and you're already stereotyping me as one.'' 
 
 `` Wait just a fucking minute, Carl --'' 
 
 `` How would you like it if I asked you why you were n't always counting money or something, Dave, because you're a... because you're Jewish?'' 
 
 `` I'm not J --'' 
 
 `` Breathing fire. Like I'm some kind of monster.'' 
 
 `` OK, Carl. Carl? Calm down. Fine. Fine! Tell me then, if not breathing fire then what is it you dragons do?'' 
 
 `` Well we do use fire all right, so you're not too far off the mark. But we do n't breathe it, no sir. We just use regular old matches and kerosene, that's us.'' 
 
 `` Am I missing something here? You're a dragon that manually starts fires?'' 
 
 `` Well, how else does one start a fire?'' 
 
 `` Now I've heard everything.'' 
 
 `` Yep, all we need is a pack of matches, some kerosene, a nice wooden cross, and a nice n****r family's front lawn to light the whole thing up.'' 
 
 `` Wait a minute...'' 
 
 `` You should come join us some day. As Grand Dragon of my chapter of the KKK, I can fast track the initiation process and have you all kitted out in a hood and gown in no time.'' 
 

