[ WP ] You 're a Professional Group Therapist in a mental hospital and you 're beginning to suspect that two of your patients are robots .

`` Phil,'' Dr. Hall said, `` why do you think Robert believes everyone is trying to offline him?'' 
 
 `` Because he's crazy,'' Phil said. 
 
 `` Now, Phil,'' Dr. Hall said. `` We do n't use the c-word here. You know that?'' 
 
 `` Which one?'' Phil asked. ``'Cunt'?'' 
 
 The two patients tried to cover up their snickers. 
 
 `` No,'' Dr. Hall sighed and corrected, `` The *other* word.'' 
 
 `` Oh, that one,'' Phil said. ``'Crazy'.'' 
 
 Snickering. 
 
 Dr. Hall pushed up her glasses. `` Very funny, Phil,'' she said. `` Your attempts to fill the comedian role is, I suspect, due to the misery your parents suffered in their poverty and mutually abusive relationship. Thus, you try to make everyone laugh like you tried to make your parents laugh.'' 
 
 Phil's face did n't drop, though. Instead, he retorted with, `` Your obvious psychoanalytical bullshit is because *you*, Doc, think you know how the world and other people think, because you're just a know-it-all with a fake title.'' 
 
 `` I assure, Phil,'' Dr. Hall said. `` My status as Doctor is very real.'' 
 
 `` Oh yeah?'' Robert finally spoke up. `` Then why are you in here with us?'' 
 
 Dr. Hall turned to address Robert. `` Because I am a doctor for this institution, and it is my task to help the both of you heal, along with everyone else.'' 
 
 `` Does n't change the fact that you're crazy, Doc,'' Phil retorted. 
 
 Again, Dr. Hall pushed up her glasses. `` They say *all* psychologists are crazy.'' 
 
 `` Yeah? I may be a robot, Doc, but at least I'm not crazy.'' 
 
 `` Phil,'' Dr. Hall said. `` Listen to yourself.'' 
 
 Phil moved his arms in a mechanical motion. `` Beep boop beep, destroy all humans.'' He looked to Robert. `` Hey, robo-buddy?'' 
 
 Robert shrugged. `` I was made to serve intergalactic overlords in an eternal, peaceful capacity, *Phil*, if that's the persona you choose. *I* am merely a servant in human skin. I do not hold an opinion.'' 
 
 Dr. Hall sighed. `` Neither of you are robots, Phil, Robert,'' she said. `` That's just your illness.'' 
 
 `` Really?'' Both patients said at the same time. 
 
 `` Yes, really.'' 
 
 `` Hey, Robert,'' Phil said. `` Scan my brain with that scanner-thingy of yours. What am I thinking about?'' 
 
 `` Of course, Phil,'' Robert said. `` You're thinking about sticking that disguised organic appendage on your crotch that's really your power cord into the nearest electrical outlet to get a charge. You're a jack-onner.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, Roboert?'' Phil replied. `` Well, I got one of those scanny-thingies, too.'' He put his hand over his head and turned it like a radar. `` Let's see... Beep boop...'' 
 
 Dr. Hall interrupted. `` You two...'' 
 
 Phil ignored her. `` Wow, Roboert. Did you seriously get your cyberballs off this morning when Nurse Joyce inserted that flash drive into her computer?'' 
 
 `` What? No, of course not!'' Robert said a little too loudly. `` I am designed to be above such base things.'' 
 
 `` Uh-huh,'' Phil said. `` I'm also detecting, hmm...'' He waved his hand back and forth over his head. `` You're thinking about flicking the back hallway's light switch until you give the bulbs an orgasmic overload, exploding them.'' 
 
 `` *Phil*,'' Dr. Hall said. `` *Robert. * If you would *please* kindly.'' The two patients stared back at her. `` Phil, everyone saw Robert, er, this morning, okay? Of course your heard about it.'' 
 
 Phil grinned at Robert, anyways. 
 
 `` Also, Robert,'' Dr. Hall said. `` Everyone knows you like flicking the light-switches. We have cameras. People talk.'' 
 
 `` *People*,'' Robert scoffed. 
 
 `` That,'' Phil said, `` Robert, is one thing we can agree on.'' 
 
 The door opened. Dr. Sandoval came in, and immediately surveyed the situation. 
 
 `` Robert, Phil, Marilyn,'' Dr. Sandoval addressed them all in order. `` You know this room is off-limits to patients.'' 
 
 Phil pointed at Marilyn, otherwise known as Dr. Hall to the other residents. `` She started it!'' he said. `` She's psychoanalyzing people again, Doc. Tell her, Doc. *Tell her. *'' 
 
 Dr. Sandoval sighed. `` Marilyn, have you taken your meds today?'' 
 
 Marilyn looked uncomfortable. `` No... They tasty nasty.'' 
 
 Dr. Sandoval looked over glasses at her. `` It is n't good that you're thinking you're staff again, Marilyn. We discussed this.'' 
 
 Marilyn pointed frantically at Robert and Phil. `` But they're robots and they do n't even know it!'' 
 
 `` Oh,'' Phil said. `` *Now* she thinks we're robots. Eh, Roboert?'' 
 
 `` Speak for yourself,'' Robert said and stood up. `` I was only pretending to make you sound like a fool, Phil. I'm not the crazy. You're both crazy, though. You and Marilyn. I'm just here because the courts say so.'' 
 
 `` Gentlemen,'' Dr. Sandoval said. `` Marilyn. Do the floor and the staff a favor and return to your rooms. Dinner service will be here soon. I hear they'll be Salisbury steak.'' 
 
 Robert leapt up. `` Steak!'' And darted out of the room, muttering, `` Blood blood blood,'' all the way to his room. 
 
 Marilyn looked up at Dr. Sandoval. `` There's no blood in Salisbury steak, Doctor.'' 
 
 `` Yes,'' Dr. Sandoval pushed his glasses up. `` I'm well aware, Marilyn. Now...'' He waved them out of the room. `` Let's try to avoid having meetings like this again in the future, all right?'' 
 
 Phil walked stiffly out of the room first. `` Beep boop, Doc, I do as my master commands.'' 
 
 Dr. Sandoval shook his head. `` Marilyn?'' 
 
 `` He's crazy!'' she protested. 
 
 `` I...'' Dr. Sandoval said. `` We do n't use the c-word in here, you know that, Marilyn.'' He waved outside the door again. `` If you please...'' 
 
 Marilyn hung her head as she exited the room. 
 
 Dr. Sandoval returned to the nursing station, and picked up a clipboard, starting to take notes. 
 
 `` Murphy,'' the head nurse, Hadly, said. `` You know you're not allowed in the nursing station. No patients are.''
