[ WP ] Years ago , you promised your firstborn to a witch . Since then , despite your best efforts , you ca n't seem to get laid . The witch is starting to get pretty pissed .

The shadows grew taller until they reached into my room, and the light of the world faded around me. I sat motionless in the dark, and a sorrowful breath escaped my lips. 
 
 I fucked up again. 
 
 I thought she would be different. Sure, I might have came across as a bit shy, but who does n't? I caught her smiles so many times I could n't even count, each one unique like a snowflake. She sent me winks, compliments and wishes - which I tried my best and more to try and fulfill them. 
 
 But I was wrong. 
 
 Maybe I had read it wrong, or maybe she did n't know me - either way, I was once again banished to the realm of the forsaken friendzone, with nothing but a cold emptiness emanating from my heart. 
 
 The thunder flashed outside, startling me slightly. 
 
'Terrific.' I thought. 
 
 It seemed that even the weather was bringing me down. 
 
 There was another flash, but this time, I did not hear the thunder. Instead, I heard whispers that entered my ears like some slimy snake, leaving an unpleasant feeling in my mind. My teeth clenched as I realized I had heard this before, but I could not remember when. What was it? Was it during the 14th birthday? Was it during last Christmas? What was it? 
 
 As if to answer my question, something black and dusty exploded in front of me, causing me to be blown back into my bed. 
 
 The figure materialized steadily, and I could make out image through the silhouette. It was a woman, wearing a dark pointed hat, with hair black as a street cat's, with a robe that unified the colors. 
 
 She blinked, her blue, hollow eyes glowing in the dark, and then shifted her gaze on me. I had barely enough time to recover myself when she stormed in front of me and grabbed me by the shirt. 
 
 `` You!'' She shrieked. An explosion of black smoke hissed out of her mouth as she spoke. 
 
 `` W-what?'' I stammered. I raised my hands in a surrendering gesture, but it had little effect. 
 
 `` We had a deal!'' 
 
 `` Who are you?'' I asked. 
 
 She was then silent - but only for a split second. To my surprise, she released me, and clicked her fingers. In an instant, a piece of paper materialized in front of her. 
 
 `` Four years ago. December the fifth. At the party.'' She stated. 
 
 I carefully took the paper from her slim, bony hands, and looked over it cautiously. I was surprised to find that I could read the letters quite accurately, despite being in the dark. 
 
 My face changed to confusion when I realized what the paper had said. I was to promise her me firstborn, in exchange for musical talent. Trying my best not to offend her, even taking into consideration that she may be offended by the way I looked at her, I extended the paper back to her. She snatched it without a word. 
 
 `` I do n't understand.'' I said in my best feeble voice. 
 
 `` You promised me your firstborn!'' She shrieked again. The room was getting darker each time her mouth was open. 
 
 `` I did!'' I protested. 
 
 `` It's not my fault I ca n't get any girls!'' 
 
 I clenched my teeth at my protest, as I had put in more passion to the tone without realizing it. To my surprise however, the witch was taken back. 
 
 `` Wait what?'' She asked. 
 
 I sighed, and showed her computer. 
 
 `` Look.'' I pointed. 
 
 The witch peered at the screen with narrowed eyes, and began scrolling through my chat log. I did not bother reading it again, and instead found entertainment in her reactions. Her face changed from a dreamy smile, to a raised eyebrow, to an approving look, to a grimace. She then looked at me, and scratched her head. 
 
 `` In five years, she's the only one you've been talking to? I mean, there has to be others right?'' She asked. 
 
 I sighed again, but added a shrug. 
 
 `` But... Why?'' She asked me. 
 
 I opened my mouth to speak - my intended answer was to be something melancholy and gentlemanly, but I closed my mouth. I felt a strange anger bubble out from inside me, and I felt the cork pulverize into dust as the fiery emotions exploded out into verbal form. 
 
 `` I do n't fucking know!'' I shouted. 
 
 The witch was more taken back then before, and this time it was her turn to collapse on my bed. 
 
 `` I mean, I'm not even that bad looking right?'' I looked at her with eyes of anger, rather than of desperation. 
 
 The witch gulped and nodded. Her eyes then caught the bottle of liquor next to my monitor. 
 
 `` I mean, I'm a nice guy, I do n't treat woman badly - hell I do n't even insult them!'' I carried on. I felt my face turn red, but I refused to believe it was the alcohol. 
 
 `` But what happens? Nothing! Absolutely goddamn nothing! I asked twenty three girls out - after getting to know them, know their favorite colors, their hobbies, their favorite movies, their favorite music - hell, I even found a girl that likes Heavy Metal like me, and what happens? Nothing!'' 
 
 The witch nervously stood up and began muttering something under her breath. 
 
 `` I even skipped going out to my friend's birthday party to hang with this other chick by the way, and she just told me that she wanted to be friends. It's always with the friendship! She's got a million friends on facebook for crying out loud!'' 
 
 The witch began fading into black smoke, but it was slow. She began muttering faster, while looking at me and nodding with a static look. 
 
 `` Hell, if she wanted friends she should be a goddamn Carebear! I've wasted so much of my time doing this - I do n't even know if - `` 
 
 I never finished my rant, as I was interrupted by another loud explosion of smoke, to which I was knocked back from my chair. I thumped my head hard on the desk and I cursed, grasping at the back to ease the pain. 
 
 I looked up to see the witch, but she was gone. 
 
 I sighed for the third time, and rose to my feet. The light flickered, and were illuminated again, lighting the darkness of my room. And with a weak stumble, I collapsed into the chair and stared back at the monitor. 
 
 And once again, I surrendered my eyes to the internet world, and my mind switched off as warriors, gangsters, cats, girls and cartoons flashed past me, easing the pain of my defeat.
