[ WP ] You 're about to say a speech at your best friend 's wedding . You 're in love with his new wife .

Drinking would n't help him, but he sat down at the bar in the ballroom all the same. It was busily being prepared by the worker bees who'd been hired to make sure the most joyous and wonderful union about to take place would do so with the utmost perfection. 
 
 His head was pounding. It was pounding harder now than it had when he'd woken up six hours ago, two hours late for Groomsman photo's his best friend had sworn would not take place without him. 
 
 `` Fucking Gatorade'' he muttered to himself. 
 
 `` Only got the regular kind, Jack'' said an approaching bar tender. David hated bartender talk. 
 
 He did n't look at him but just said `` Whiskey, double, clean''. 
 
 The bartender nodded and went to fix his drink. It was ready quite before David had expected it to be. Where it was usually a fork in the road between a path of drinking and not drinking, David only saw one path with many drinks along the way. 
 
 He'd either numb the pain or it would come slurring out of him at some point. It was up in the air. 
 
 `` That'll be 18 buck-aroos, buckaroo'' the bartender said. David looked at him but said nothing. It was supposed to be an open bar. A gift from the grave of the brides father and the bank account that held the trust fund he'd left her. The thought revealed a memory from the night before... and it stung. 
 
'What kind of idiot sends a 200 dollar wreath to a headstone' he thought himself pathetically. 
 
'The same kind who spends the night watching the Kiera Knightley-Rick from the Walking Dead scenes from Love, Actually on a drunken loop all night long', he answered his thought. 
 
 He sat there sadly and quietly for a moment. He needed a change of subject but the weed he'd smoked before arriving for the photo's in an effort to cover up his hangover was currently back firing on him. Instead of dulling the pain of his headache and the relaxing him, he'd ended up with a smokers head ache swimming in an ocean of tortured thoughts. 
 
'What a poetic mother fucker', he thought.'Shakespeare would shit himself'. 
 
 The bartender was approaching at just the moment the whiskey he'd shot down was affecting him just. No doubt he noticed an empty glass and walked over to refill it. 
 
 `` I thought the bar was open....asshole'' he said. Anger swirling inside him. 
 The bartender did n't seem phased by the drunken shit talking. The consummate professional. 
 
 `` Open for the reception. Do you see a reception going on in here... asshole'' the bar tender said with a slight edge in his voice. 
 
'He better watch his ass or I'll use that edge to slit his throat' David thought maliciously. 
 
 `` Look, man'' David pleaded `` I had an unfortunate wreathing accident last night... I'm a little short on funds... so you know...'' but before David could finish the bar tender walked away. 
 
 `` Fine'' David shouted at him. He reached for his wallet, grabbed his card and held it out for the bar tender who turned around and took it without another word. `` Keep it open'' he muttered. 
 
 The words were like magic and for the next hour, David's glass would refill upon emptying. The night slowly started bleeding into itself and David remembered more than once shouting `` This is like some Harry Potter shit or something, man'' to which the bar tender would nod and pour him another. 
 
 Soon the pounding headache was gone and David felt very little. Idea's started swarming in his head like killer bee's. He'd struck gold. Found the honey. Whatever the fuck it was he knew what he had to do. 
 
 Time was a of the essence. If David could read the clock he'd know that he had only 10 minutes to report to his friends dressing room. Instead he yelled furiously for the bartender to bring him a sharpie and some napkins. 
 He was n't quite sure what he'd been expecting when he barked the order, but the bartender never came with a sharpie or with any napkins. 
 Improvising wildly, David walked up to the first waitress he saw wearing lipstick. 
 
 `` Your lipstick, I need it'' he shouted in her face. A drizzle of saliva and a wave of alcohol coming off of his breath. Miraculously the waitress did as she was asked. David had never felt more like a Terminator. He walked over to the bar. It was a lot further away then he'd remembered it being and for some reason there were two of them now and the bar tender's twin brother had showed up to help serve drinks. 
 
 The night was on his side, he thought as he furiously searched for and began to write on a napkin. 
 
 He was done quickly and as he reviewed his note he realized he would need music, but time was off the essence. He stood up and began running to the direction of the bride's dressing room. Pulling out his phone and searching for that Say Anything song that he knew would seal the deal. 
 He was moving faster than he'd ever moved before. A path was clearing for him. People were cheering'Stop Stop Stop' and he would n't. He never could. 
 
 He found his way in front of the Bride's dressing room floor, by now another song had come onto the play list. He did n't care, it was time. 
 He knocked on the door. People in the hallway were looking at him like he was pounding on it. Clearly subtlety was invisible to the sober mind. 
 She answered it. Dressed all in white, hair done to perfection, she looked like an angel. 
 
 `` David'' she asked with a laugh, confused but not angry. `` What's going on?''. 
 
 Now was his moment. It was his time. He was like Rick in the Walking Dead in Love, Actually and she was the girl he talked to that was n't in the Walking Dead but was in Pirates of the Caribbean and Love, Actually. He'd forgotten her name and suddenly his plan was going to shit... what was it... what was it? 
 
 `` NATALIE PORTMAN'' he shouted in her face, alcohol and spit hitting her like it had the waitress who'd supplied him with the lipstick. 
 
 `` That's who you are and I'm Rick. Ok, we're them and we could-'' he stopped talking. A familiar feeling was creeping itself up. Slowly from the pit of his stomach, up his throat and entering his mouth. It was pure evil and Rick- David- whatever the fuck his name is could n't stop it. Before she could get out the words'your drunk', David vomited all over the blushing bride to be.
