[ WP ] You are a devout christian , and you just died . When you ascend , you discover that the real god is Tūmatauenga , the Maori god of war .

“ So what are you going to do to me? ” I asked. God ’ s sake, I was still in his sunday clothes. 
 
 “ You chose wrong. ” the demon said. “ As most do. ” The giant looked up to the sky, where a million dim stars laid in decadent peace with the dark. “ Too many make mistakes. ” He looked down, surprised to see me still there. “ Some mistakes are understandable. You were not raised in the right place. ” He squinted, reached down, and tested my tie with his fingers. “ I am correct? ” 
 
 “ Uh. ” The angels weren ’ t coming. “ I ’ m from Albany. ” 
 
 “ That is understandable. Your mistake can be forgiven. Mine— ” He pulled his arm back, then knelt down and scooped up some sand. “ Other mistakes are not. So you get a chance. The same chance I made for myself, a while ago. ” The god let lonely dots of sand fall from his grasp. He stared at them “ You have the chance to be fierce. To be angry, cunning. To be a destroyer of armies. To be like me. ” He looked down, for the first time meeting my eyes. “ Then you can decide what should be done with you. 
 
 “ Look, I ’ ve never fought someone before. Isn ’ t there— ” 
 
 “ I do not offer this chance to you on accident, Marc. Fight well. ” And Tūmatauenga stalked back into the forest, trailing sand from his fist. 
 
 I looked around. The tidewater was still, as dark as a starless sky. No waves broke upon the shore. 
 
 A well-shaped rock rested by the treeline. I ran and grabbed it. The stone fit in my hand well as I scanned the treeline for a threat. 
 
 A snap. Brushing past thin trees, something was coming. 
 
 I stumbled back, tearing off my tie and kicking of shoes. I checked my range of motion and felt something large in my pocket. I pulled it out as I heard something emerge from the forest. 
 
 As the green devil ’ s taut hands angled a spear at my heart, I dropped my copy of the New Testament. 
 
 “ Tou mutunga! ” It screamed, charging towards me. I ran forward to meet it, and the ocean came to life, a wave following me and swallowing the thin book. 
 
 I knocked its spear down and elbowed it in the jaw. I was within its guard. The beast slid a leg under me, and I rolled back just before a spear landed in me. I jumped up, eyeing it, my rock in hand. 
 
 As the book sunk away from the shore, I smiled. I was going to be here a while.
