[ WP ] Suicidal Thoughts in Heaven

They said I would be happy here. Eternal bliss with family and friends. Everlasting peace. Be good and God will welcome you. I spent my life being a holy and devout. I lived every single minute working to make it here. 
 
 I should be happy. 
 
 They said I would be happy here, but — staring down at little souls flickering about below me, an odd sensation stirred in my chest. I felt no sadness. There is no pain here. There is no loss. There is no hunger, or loneliness, or desire. 
 
 I wanted to forget this silly concept, leave these pearly gates and visions of serene clouds far behind. Maybe the concept of permanent happiness is just a sham. No — it is n't real. It was never real. 
 
 Without the concept of sadness, there can be no happiness. Without pain there is no relief. Without hunger there is no satisfaction, without loss there is no gain, without loneliness there is no appreciation for love. Without desire there is no drive. 
 
 There's no reason to live. 
 
 Looking down at those flickering lights, I finally understand what the odd sensation is. It's nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eternal bliss is so... empty. 
 
 They said I would be happy here, did they? They had always said I would be happy in Heaven. 
 
 Leaning over the edge, my hand outstretched, I could almost feel all that I had left behind. Those little lights I had taken for granted before, now so precious to my newly opened eyes. They were beckoning me, as the empty paradise behind me gently pushed with an exasperated sigh of *finally*. 
 
 I think I'll find Heaven somewhere — somewhere down there.
