[ WP ] A horror story , but from the villains perspective , written as a comedy .

Oh my God, these kids get stupider by the year! I rolled my eyes and pulled on the hockey mask. 
 
 Why could n't they ever, like, leave me alone? Do n't they have fancy phones now to occupy their time? But noo, the little shits had to'get out of the house' and rummage through my things. Assholes. 
 
 I looked out to the clearing from the tree tops. There was a girl and her stupid boyfriend, digging through my storage. 
 
 Then the boyfriend made some joke I think I've heard every year about my teddybear. Mr. Bonkers has sentimental value, you fucker! That does not make me 7 years old! Shut up. 
 
 It's go time. I climbed down quietly and pulled out my machete, Beatrix. I watched Kill Bill through the window of one cabin some years ago, and it's still my favorite movie. So she's named Beatrix, and she is beautiful. 
 
 The girl found my scrapbooking stuff. Old newspaper clippings, you know. I had n't glued anything yet, but I was getting to it! Also annoying, catching her mixing up the piles of papers I had so diligently organized, but since I had to choose between the two, douchebag brah was gon na get it first. 
 
 I creeped up behind him and got a nice, smooth slice into his right shoulder. I think Beatrix was halfway through the collar bone, too. You can always see results after sharpening. 
 
 Then broseph started to scream. Yea, fucker! Talking shit about Mr. Bonkers will get you this. But I did n't actually say that. Once you start talking to people, then they talk back, and that's just a pain. All I wanted was to cut this guy like my mom used to cut my sandwiches. Gosh I miss her. 
 
 So then this bitch, she threw her shoe at me. I was all, sorry, what? I do n't even think it was a whole shoe, but like a sandal. Girl, what were you doing wearing sandals out here? There was poison ivy and snakes in these woods. What she needed was to cover her feet, and not stop me from killing this douche. 
 
 So I pull out Beatrix to give it another chop to clear the bone. He got his arms in the way, and just made things so much messier than it had to be. I ended up only slitting his throat and tossing him to the side. 
 
 It was only until after I tossed Brad ( I do n't know, probably his name ), that I see the girl start to run away. Kids these days. They're so daft. I gave her a good run for her money, but ultimately let her go. 
 
 I just needed some time with my coloring books, to be honest. I've heard it's practically meditating. I went back to clean up after those punks and chucked Brad in the water. I cut the power in the electric box behind my shed, which powers everything within a 5 mile radius, then went to the basement for my Rapunzel coloring book. 
 
 I knew I would have to track them down later. For some reason, when you kill somebody in front of a teenager, they'll bring back more teenagers. They think they're Marines or something. I've been doing this for years, trust me. 
 
 I finished drawing Rapunzel in her tower. Decided to color her hair red that time. It turned out really nice, so I planned to scrapbook that later. I pulled out my sharpening stone for Beatrix. We had our work cut out for the night.
