[ WP ] The position of `` God '' is actually an elected office wherein the Angels vote and decide who should lead them for the next seven years . Somehow your name gets mixed into the ballot and , by some strange happenstance , you win the election .

First post here. I apologize for the quality. 
 
 
 `` Frank!'' I felt someone grab my shoulders and shake them. `` Frank! Wake the fuck up!'' I opened my eyes and saw a familiar halo. Abner, an elder, was shaking me awake. As an angel it's recommended you get at least a few dozen years sleep until the next cycle, waking one of us up can take days, it's normally recommended -- I felt pain as Abner's palm connected with my cheek -- you slap us awake. I groaned. `` Sorry, protocol and all.'' He slapped me again. 
 
 `` You know,'' I felt my face. `` You're waking me up... how early?'' 
 
 `` Two years early. We have a significant problem.'' Abner adjusted his halo as he got out of my bed. He had been straddling me. While angels are asexual, I could n't help but wonder how long he had been grinding on me. Humans had come up with the idea of grinding and angels had made a big joke of it. It left me with an awkward feeling inside. `` What happened?'' I asked. 
 
 `` The Machine spit out nothing but human names. Everyone blindly voted because we've all already served at least once and no one wants to do it. We have a human GOD.'' He had a terrified look on his face. The Machine as he called it was a massive computer with a database of every living creature's name in it. The raccoon you ran over once? His name was probably Chester # 34-A5, your fifth cat? Named and Claimed in the Machine. It was for record keeping practices, but it was also used to randomly select several angel names for the position of GOD every seven years. 
 
 `` There's precedent for this,'' I said. I yawned and got out of my bed, brushing my white robes off with both hands. If I had under garments on, I would have adjusted the waist band as I had seen humans do. I pressed Abner's crotch grinding to the back of my head. 
 
 `` There is? The Council has n't decided what to do --'' 
 
 I cut him off. `` The Council was n't founded until a few hundred years ago. The Council has never seen a human GOD before, I have. You're an elder but you're not an eldest like me, and this thing has happened before.'' 
 
 `` What do we do?'' 
 
 `` We let it serve.'' 
 
 `` We do?'' 
 
 I nodded my head yes. The last human GOD had n't served long, it was too much, keeping up with all the human affairs. I hoped we got a serial killer, the vengeful type that would n't be afraid to throw a tornado at Iowa or give a kid cancer. Those things needed to happen to keep a balance. 
 
 TWO DAYS LATER 
 
 I stood in my office and looked out a window at the vastness of Earth. The angel Frank had explained my job to me. To keep a balance. I was head of the General Obliteration Department. The only department that directly interfered with the development of Earth. Bad things needed to happen to good people, good things needed to happen to bad people. I was there to keep a balance, I told myself. I pointed a finger at Asia and an Earthquake shook the buildings there. This was going to be a lot more fun than killing hookers.
