[ WP ] Dave wakes up to find that he 's dead , unfortunately . On more pressing matters , it appears that God and Satan are playing chess for his soul .

`` It's your move Satan,'' God groaned. 
 
 `` Do n't rush me,'' Satan shot back, `` Every time you rush me i end up losing so I'm going to take my time and think about this.'' 
 
 `` Um, excuse me,'' Dave began. Satan held up a hand to silence him. Dave halted his speech immediately. He stood there for a few minutes and watched the two beings. Satan was deep in thought; his eyes locked on the board. God sighed and looked off into the distance. Dave had n't noticed but they seemed to be standing atop a massive see of thick, fluffy clouds. There was brilliant sunlight radiating and the sky was a gorgeous light blue. God snapped his fingers and a distance clump of clouds turned jet black. 
 
 `` And I think I have it now,'' Satan chirped. He moved a chess piece across the board. Dave could n't see which because he was much smaller than them, like a child that could n't see over the table. 
 
 `` That's the move you want to go with?'' God quizzed Satan. Ol' Splitfoot's gazed straight into God's eyes ( not a hard feat considering the omnipresence, you could look literally anywhere ) and slowly nodded. Quick as a wink God moved a piece across the board. 
 
 The Devil's eyes widened as he shouted, `` wait a minute, what the -- -a thunderous censor cut him off mid-sentence, making him wince. `` Sorry, I forgot myself for a moment,'' he apologized. He crossed his arms and stared at the board. 
 
 `` Dave,'' God declared suddenly, `` you have lived an interesting life and I have reached an impasse on whether or not you should be allowed to enter Heaven.'' Dave swallowed hard, or he would have if he had a working body. Instead he tried to swallow and realized he could n't so he panicked but did n't start sweating which caused him to look down at his translucent form. It was as if his opacity was at 50 %, yet no organs or anything beneath the skin was visible. 
 
 `` Your existential crisis is throwing me off, mortal,'' Satan growled. `` It's obvious what's going on here and we've done it several times so we've added some twists here and there,'' Satan continued. 
 
 `` This idiot wanted to play Uno for your soul,'' God laughed, `` like I do n't know he invented that game.'' 
 
 `` We could've played checkers or poker,'' Satan reminded him. He finally made a move. God reached over and made a move. 
 
 `` So how exactly does this work with you being omniscient and all that,'' Dave inquired. 
 
 `` Oh, I just turn it off for a bit using my omnipotence,'' He replied. Dave nodded; makes sense. Would also explain some of the awful things going on down on Earth. Some of them. 
 
 `` The twist this time, Dave is that if I win, you go to Hell,'' revealed God. Dave's metaphysical mind drowned in confusion. 
 
 `` And if I win,'' Satan chimed, `` You return to Earth and forget any of this happened, but I get to mess with your life as much as I want as long as I do n't directly kill you.'' He cackled maniacally and an imaginary chill ran up Dave's nonexistent spine. Suddenly, he had a thought. 
 
 `` What happens if my life ends up being the same way, will this whole chess game for my soul happened again?'' Dave asked. 
 
 God smiled and answered,'' well you were once the second king of the United Kingdom of Israel and Judah.''
