[ WP ] A boy asks a girl out . It 's high school . It 's awkward . Narrate it from the point of view of a nature documentary .

*Sweeping panoramic shot of a grungy inner city school. Majestic music plays in background. * 
 
 NARRATOR: Unlike the dominant species of the desert planet of Grizek, the inhabitants of this little world have tentative, almost ambivalent, courtship rituals. 
 
 *Cut to empty corridor. Bell rings, and a bipedal humanoid species appears in great numbers in the hallway. * 
 
 *Focus in on one member, a short individual with short hair. * 
 
 NARRATOR: The male of the species spends many months, even years, considering his potential mate. First he eyes her from a distance, taking great care not to be observed lest his attentions alert her to his presence. 
 
 *Camera pans to opposite side of the corridor, where a taller, long haired member of the species is walking towards the camera. * 
 
 NARRATOR: And this is the female he has chosen. The sideways glances of the males she walks past attest to her status as one of the most desirable mates in this environment. She walks past our male without acknowledging him. Now he must decide: is she ignoring him as a sign of interest, or is she truly oblivious to his presence. 
 
 *As the female walks away, the male watches her walk, his eyes fixed on part of her body that bounces in an uncomfortable looking manner. * 
 
 *CUT to scene of male sitting at table, his eyes staring at something out of focus in the distance. Focus changes to show that the object is the female. * 
 
 NARRATOR: Thirteen rotations of this planet later, the male has still not made his approach. But he must beware. He is not the only one interested in this female. 
 
 *Camera pans to show the female talking to another male. This one is much bigger than the first. * 
 
 NARRATOR: What will our young male do? Nothing, it seems. The other male is too big for him to defeat one-on-one. He must bide his time, waiting until the female is alone. 
 
 *CUT to the female opening a metal locker. The male approaches and drops a book next to her. * 
 
 NARRATOR: Finally! Our male is making his play. Under the pretence of an accident, he engages her in the rudimentary discourse that this species calls communication. Thanks to our discovery of a series of texts by somebody called'The Bard' we have been able to translate their discourse into Galactic. 
 
 *The male makes squawking noises. * 
 
 MALE ( SUBTITLES ): Good morrow, my lady? 
 
 FEMALE ( SUBTITLES ): Dost I know you? 
 
 MALE ( SUBTITLES ): I am that merry wanderer of the night, that layeth near you during Chemistry class. 
 
 FEMALE ( SUBTITLES ): I know you not. 
 
 MALE ( SUBTITLES ): *Stammers* Um... wouldst thou accompany me to the dance next week? 
 
 FEMALE ( SUBTITLES ): Urgh, thou cream faced loon. Get thee away. 
 
 *Male flees. * 
 
 NARRATOR: Alas, our male has failed. The female proved unreceptive to his advances, and he will flee. Unfounded reports suggest that after unsuccessful courtships, males can turn such a vivid red color that they actually explode. Hopefully this fate will not befall our young male, as he is still young and has many more mating seasons left in him. 
 
 *CUT to two humans individuals walking down a street in the evening. * 
 
 NARRATOR: Members of this species often develop advanced methods to fool gullible females during courtship. Join us after the break as we take a look at a two more seasoned members of this planet engaged in the final stage of their courtship, a ritual misleadingly named: Inviting-Her-Up-For-A-Coffee. We'll be right back after this short message from our sponsors. 
 
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 *And do n't forget to tune in to* r/jd_rallage *at the same time next week, when we will show you never-before-seen footage of the unusual eating habits of this primitive species and their three staple food groups:'chips','pizza', and'beer'. *
