[ WP ] Vampires are real . They have discovered that their cravings are sated by blood or by avocados .

I had just gotten up for the night and was reaching into the fridge for my breakfast when the doorbell rang. Blearily I stumbled to the foyer and looked out the window. 
 
 On my porch was Stacy, skin glowing, eyes bright, and a look of contentment with the world on her face. Cripes, it was gon na be another one of *those* nights. 
 
 Do n't get me wrong, Stacy is cool and all. She's smart, funny, and we share the same twisted sense of humor. But ever since she gave up avocados for blood, all she does is evangelize about how awesome it is. While it bums me out that she chose this dark, murderous path, I care enough about her to let her make her own decisions. 
 
 I give her my usual greeting when I open the door. `` Hey cum-breath.'' 
 
 `` Hey pencil-dick. How's it going, Gordo?'' 
 
 She glides in the house and follows me to the kitchen. `` I just got up.'' I opened the fridge again. 
 
 `` Just got up? It's been dark for hours you lazy bum.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, looks like I overslept.'' I split my breakfast avocado, removed the pit and placed both halves on a plate. Sprinkle a little salt, grab a spoon, and head to the table. `` Want one?'' 
 
 `` Oh please. You know better than to try that on me. How can you stand to eat those things every freaking day?'' 
 
 I huffed at her. `` They were fine for you for over 250 years.'' Sullenly, I scooped the flesh out of the avocado rind and took a bite. `` Besides, there's a lot you can do with an avocado. A little salt, or you can have them with a bit of lemon juice, a dash of tabasco - the possibilities are endless. My favorite way to have them is with a sprinkle of lime juice and some fresh cilantro, but I'm out of limes.'' Stacy looked at me as though I were an adorable, if slightly slow child. `` And those are just off the top of my head - you'd be amazed at what you find on the internet! Those vegans sure know how to do avocados.'' 
 
 `` Vegans?!?! Ohmigod, you're taking advice from vegans now?'' She laughed a loud, hearty laugh, which would normally be contagious if I was fully awake. `` I had a vegan the other night and *never again* - worst thing I ever tasted.'' 
 
 `` For Christ's sake Stacy, TMI! You know I hate hearing about that shit!'' 
 
 `` Well you can go on about your dietary preferences, why ca n't I?'' 
 
 *Sigh*... it was really gon na be another one of those nights. 
 
 `` Stacy the sight of blood makes me queasy, you know that. Just hearing about it makes me lose my appetite. And that's apart from the whole, you know, killing people thing.'' 
 
 `` Gordon, you know the mortals would kill you in a hot second if they found out what you really are. 
 
 `` All the more reason to avoid drawing attention! You're not exactly careful about that, I've been following your trail of dead bodies in the news.'' 
 
 `` Hey, not all of those are mine.'' 
 
 `` Whatever.'' 
 
 `` Besides,'' Stacy continued, `` what fun is picking your food out at a grocery store? That's so... mundane.'' 
 
 `` I like mundane.'' I spooned up some more avocado, held it up to her in a `` cheers'' motion, and took a bite. 
 
 She looked down at her hands, which were folded on the table, then looked straight into my eyes. `` You're hunting with me tonight.'' 
 
 `` Oh nonononono. No way. I want NOTHING to do with -- `` 
 
 She cut me off `` Gordon! You're my best friend. We've known each other for centuries.'' She put her hands in her lap and looked down. `` But ever since I've made the switch, I feel like you think less of me. That we are growing apart.'' 
 
 `` No!'' I was shocked at her words. `` Stacy, you ARE my best friend, you always will be. It's just harder for us to hang out together now that you're out hunting every night for hours, and how long it takes you to clean up after a meal, and....'' As I trailed off, I realized that I was confirming what she had said. 
 
 `` Exactly. So lets spend some time together. Hunt with me.'' 
 
 I leaned back in my chair and put my hands behind my head. I had to admit, I missed the time we spent together. And as much as I protested, the idea of watching someone get - you know - *eaten* - did inspire more than a little morbid curiosity. 
 
 And if you ca n't watch your best friend eat someone, who can you watch? 
 
 `` Alright Stacy. I'll hunt with you tonight. But that's it. Just this once, alright?'' 
 
 Her eyes lit up and she clapped her hands like a little girl with a new puppy. `` Yay! Let's go!'' 
 
 Watching her hunt was actually quite fascinating. She stood taller, moved more gracefully, seemed at one with her surroundings. Her ability to blend into the shadows was amazing to the point that at times even I could not easily see her. I was enjoying watching her hunt. A little too much, I thought uncomfortably. I motioned to her that I would be waiting behind the next building. She nodded and was gone. 
 
 A few minutes later I heard the sound of heavy footfalls. I hid behind a dumpster thinking I was about to get mugged, when around the corner came Stacy with a body twice her size slung across her shoulders. She let it fall to the ground with a *whump. * 
 
 The body groaned, then moved its head. 
 
 `` What the shit Stacy? This guy is still alive!'' 
 
 `` Well of course, you do n't think I'd eat a dead guy do you? Nothing worse than the taste of congealed blood.'' And with that she swept her hair out of her face and buried her fangs in his neck. 
 
 It was horrifying. The man on the ground realized what was happening to him and was about to scream when she put a hand over his mouth and nose. He began thrashing and scrabbling at the ground in an attempt to be able to breathe and get away. `` Help me hold him down! This is a strong one!'' She went back to drinking his blood. 
 
 Without thinking, I crawled over, knelt on the guys legs and held his arms down. In that moment the entirety of the situation hit me - the adrenaline rush, the struggle to keep everything quiet and under control, the noises of Stacy drinking and swallowing, and the scent - the scent was like nothing I'd ever experienced. 
 
 Even though I'd never tasted blood, in that moment the urge, the need was so strong, I began to shake. 
 
 Stacy must have sensed what was going on. She looked up at me with tenderness and reached for my hand. Tears welled up in my eyes. With trembling breath I whispered `` No... this is... I ca n't...'' In my head, I repeated everything I had ever told her as if it were a prayer. It's wrong, it's murder, it's unnatural, it's disgusting. 
 
 And I reached for her hand. 
 
 I took my first drink. The tears came hotter and faster. The nausea was unbearable. My sobs were uncontrollable and became the wailing of the damned. 
 
 I could n't stop drinking, and in my despair, I knew I never would. 
 
 
 

