[ WP ] A Man dies and expects to go either Heaven or Hell , only to be told by an Angel that he already was in Hell and now his punishment is over

I had a life. ( that amounted to nothing. ) 
 
 I had family ( That never let me try. ) 
 
 I had love ( That I could never hold. ) 
 
 I made it all end ( Because I was tired of trying. ) 
 
 Darkness. Smoke. Fire. I was screaming, but my voice wans n't mine. It was a child's voice It was a lifetime ago and my grandparent's house was on fire. I saw the door to the bathroom open and my older brother yelling at me to run. 
 
 I died there. No I lived, made it out. 
 
 Flick. 
 
 I was six and my parents were arguing. Years later I would realize how badly my brother was abused all because I was spared, all because I had n't been expected to amount to anything. No not right. I'd gotten chased down by dad when he got on one of his drunken binges. 
 
 Flick. 
 
 I went to a school that specialized in the disabled. No. I was kept in public school. 
 
 Flick. 
 
 My brother abused me. No. I became the abuser when we adopted a special needs girl. 
 
 Flick. Flick. Flick. 
 
 Constant shifting and swirling of the threads of my life. I could not tell which were real and which were fabrications. I had no body, just the belief that I should as I drifted from memory to memory, and as I did so paths condensed, collected, while others fell away and blew apart. 
 
 I looked back, seeing a life that was empty, hollow... but largely untouched by the darkness, depression, hate, and financial ruin that surrounded my family. Until one day. 
 
 There was a casket. I'd kept my promise to mom until i could n't because she was now gone. Nobody left to speak for me and lacking the skills in dealing with people to do the speaking myself. 
 
 I faltered. I fell realizing now that I had n't used the knife to avoid being a burden. I had done it to run because I was afraid I'd be proven the nothing I'd always thought I was. 
 
 *'You know different. In many ways you were still a child even then.'* 
 
 I should have done better. I should n't have been so angry with them. Now I'm gone. 
 
 *'Actions done can not be undone, but they can be mitigated.'* 
 
 I am no Shakespearean villain. I'm just this asshole that fell through the cracks, or just outright rejected help because of stubborn pride. I'm not sure which anymore. Who are you? 
 
 Light, soft gentle warm light was my response. This was not the classic robed winged person, or the wheels within wheels on fire with eyes. I knew it for what it was. 
 
 Why? hell is supposed to be eternal. Everlasting. 
 
 *'By some interpretations that favor punishment over forgiveness. Others spoke of a time of reflection. A firm showing of what was wrong until it could be shown whether a person knows remorse for what harm they had done rather than where they were. Your time for reflection is over.'* 
 
 And now...? I do n't deserve paradise. I ran from them. They needed me. 
 
 *'They had others that they could rely on. They grew and understood that they stunted your growth as a person by using yu as a crutch.'* 
 
 I left... Her... She told me she would have to make herself forget if this ever happened. 
 
 *'Her path is... ongoing. However yours may start new. No burdens No fears. A fresh start.'* 
 
 A blind roll of the dice on if I get born into a situation where I say the right words or get born into a good life? 
 
'*Though your mind will not remember, the soul carries all knowledge. A kind soul will rise no matter the life it is given. A weak will falter, stmble, and slowly be tempered over and over again until it becomes strong. The wicked shown their error time and time again until they learn selfishness leaves them hollow. You... You will have your time again.'* 
 
 If do n't know what to say. 
 
 *'Few do. Go now. Be remade and become the person you were meant to be.'*
