[ WP ] A middle aged inventor has been scraping by on the mediocre contraptions . He creates a device that can understand newborn baby 's . During testing it becomes apparent that this would finally make his fortune , but he is torn as he can never let the world know what the babies are saying .

Just think of it! Instant communication with your newborn! No more of this waiting around for two-to-three years until they figure it out on their own, but right up front understanding of everything that goes through your precious bundle's tiny head. The fool who had invented a dog communication device only made millions, but how much more would people pay to converse with their own beloved offspring? 
 
 And then he tested it. His niece had just had a baby, a bouncing little fellow by the name of Johnathon. The parents could n't be prouder. They fawned and coo'd and pet the soft hairs on his head as the device warmed itself up. And it began to 
 
 scream 
 
 `` whatisthishelpmewhatisthiswhoareyouwhoamihelpmehelpmeHELPMEIAMLOSTWHOAREYOUWHOAMIWHATISTHISHELPHELPHELP --'' 
 
 He shut it off quickly, hands shaking. The parents rushed to comfort their infant, startled by the sound of his own thoughts in digital format. They made some excuse to leave and he waved them off vaguely, staring at the machine. 
 
 He ran diagnostics, and diagnostics, and simulations, and simulations. Everything was working perfectly. He was forced to conclude that poor little Johnathon was simply one of those people. Perhaps it would fare better with another subject. 
 
 He put forth an ad, screened his subjects, interviewed and analyzed and cross-referenced. Finally he settled on the calmest, quietest little worm person he could get his hands on, a darling little girl named Emma. Her parents were some of the most relaxed people he had ever met, responding to her fidgeting with the coolness of those who are completely assured they are doing the right thing. In weeks of interviews and acclimation he never once heard the baby cry. 
 
 She lay in a bouncer, waving her little arms around, an expression of purest peace on her face. He turned the machine on. 
 
 `` -- whyisthiswhyamiherewhereisherewhatisthatWHOAREYOUWHATISTHISWHYISANYTHINGWHATISGOINGONSOMEBODYPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE --'' 
 
 He shut off the machine, hands shaking, as the calmest parents of the calmest child attempted to calm their screaming infant. The voice had scared her, and scared them. They seemed disheveled. He waved them off with a mumble of words he could n't remember and stared at the machine. 
 
 After a few minutes, he pointed the gadget at himself and turned it on. Static, interrupted by a merest whisper, `` why? why why why why why?''
