[ WP ] You are at a job interview . The job you are applying for is : God .

`` What makes you feel qualified for this position?'' 
 
 `` Well, I've always tried to live up to my position in the hierarchy: be a gracious and friendly servant to those above me, and assert my dominance over my charges, but not in a way that would cause disharmony or cause them to stray from the path.'' 
 
 `` I notice you mention'those above me,' but in this position you would be your own boss, there would n't be anyone above you. Do you think your prior experience has prepared you for this?'' 
 
 `` I think it has. Communication from my superiors was always very basic, very minimal; it was more or less up to me *how* I served their needs. I can take instruction, but I do n't *need* it. So I'm used to running things how I like when I'm in a dominant position, and calling the shots on *how* to be subservient when I need to be.'' 
 
 `` I see. How would you describe your management strategy?'' 
 
 `` Hands-off, mostly, unless someone challenges me or tries to wander off the beaten path. As I said, communication from my superiors was really no more than a word here or there when needed, so I've adopted a similar strategy. I've actually gone whole days doing my job using only nonverbal cues.'' 
 
 `` Impressive. And how would you handle uncooperative inferiors? What if one of your flock starts to stray?'' 
 
 `` Ideally, by preventing it happening in the first place. I'm always on the move, watching for strays, giving them signs that they're leaving the path, raising my voice if necessary. I'll go quite far to chase down a stray, but if someone is absolutely determined to leave the flock, there's nothing I can do. Better lose one than endanger the whole flock by chasing after them.'' 
 
 `` And what about challenges to your dominance?'' 
 
 `` I'm more bark than bite, but I'm willing to show my teeth, if necessary.'' 
 
 `` What would you say is your greatest weakness?'' 
 
 `` Well, I tend to eat anything that's set in front of me, and I have been known to, uh, have sex with the furniture.'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry? Wh-what do you mean by that?'' 
 
 `` Have sex. With the furniture. You know, hump the couch leg and all that. But that's not really uncommon in this line of work, is it? It's more or less expected.'' 
 
 ``...........Are you by any chance dyslexic?'' 
 
 `` Well, a bit, but I do n't see how that would affect my work. Not much call for reading when you're herding sheep or getting your tummy scratched, is there?'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry, you want the office two floors up. We're only interviewing applicants for God.'' 
 
 `` Oh! I'm sorry, my mistake. Well, I'll be going then. But first...'' 
 
 `` Sir, *please* zip you pants up. This is a very expensive carpet and I assure you *no one* will recognize this as your territory no matter what you do.'' 
 
 `` Fine, fine. Oh, and any chance I might be in for this job? I did go through the interview and all...'' 
 
 `` We'll be in touch.''
