[ WP ] `` You may have one wish granted . '' `` I want all my debts cleared . '' `` How much do you owe ? '' `` You misunderstand . My debts are not monetary . ''

`` All your debts?'' 
 
 `` Yes, all my debts.'' 
 
 Satan looked the boy up and down. `` You're fourteen.'' 
 
 `` My debts are n't financial.'' 
 
 `` Nononono, I am *not* getting sucked into another unresolved truth or dare situation. I've learned my lesson with Caligula.'' 
 
 `` It's nothing to do with truth or dare. Who's Caligula?'' 
 
 `` This ancient dude who liked orgies.'' 
 
 `` Who's Orgies?'' 
 
 `` Orgies is not a person, it's –'' Satan stopped himself. `` What's the wish, kid?'' 
 
 The kid paced around the pentagram he had drawn in chalk, one hand clasping his wrist behind him like some sort 
 of James Bond villain. `` I have… very particular debts. That I need paid. Debts with *Greg*.'' The name slipped out 
 of his mouth like oil. 
 
 `` Okay,'' Satan said. It was n't ideal, but what the hell? The glory days of deals with the devil had died with Faust. These days he took what he could get. `` All right. Tell me what kind of debts these are.'' 
 
 & nbsp; 
 
 They stepped out of the bedroom and a voice immediately reached them. `` Took you long enough!'' 
 
 Satan stopped, but the boy kept going towards the living room, where four other boys his age sat around a 
 wooden table. 
 
 `` This is my friend the Devil.'' The kid said, with a wave back at Satan. `` He's here to pay my debts.'' 
 
 Satan looked around the pimpled-ridden faces and half-filled Mountain Dew glasses on the table. He stepped 
 closer. `` What in the world –'' his eyes stopped on the Monopoly board. `` Oh.'' 
 
 The boy came back, took his hand and dragged him closer to the board. `` So… I'd like to pay for my stop in Park Place. In addition to that, I'll be adding hotels to Pennsylvania Ave *and* to North Carolina Ave. Also houses in all the red properties.'' 
 
 `` Dude,'' Satan started, tired. 
 
 `` You ca n't do that!'' The tallest of the other kids intervened. 
 
 `` Yes I can, Greg,'' the kid replied, smiling. `` Now, please,'' he said, turning to Satan. `` I gave you my soul, did n't I? 
 Do your job.'' 
 
 `` Kid,'' Satan started, trying not to roll his eyes, `` do you really wan na waste your soul on a board game? I mean, I –'' He sighed. `` I ca n't stop you, but this is *really* stupid and you'll regret it. Hell is very unpleasant.'' 
 
 `` Just do it!'' 
 
 `` That's cheating!'' the kid called Greg bellowed, as Satan puffed his cheeks and snapped his fingers, producing a 
 wad of fake Monopoly money out of thin air. 
 
 `` There's nothing in the rules that says selling your soul to Satan is not allowed!'' the kid yelled back. `` I checked!'' 
 
 `` Well, in that case,'' Greg replied, as Satan turned around to leave, `` I want to sell my soul too!'' 
 
 `` Oh, for the love of God,'' Satan cried, stopping on his spot. 
 
 `` I want all the companies! *And* for Jim to go to jail!'' 
 
 `` Who's Jim?'' 
 
 The first kid looked up at Satan, hurt. `` Seriously, dude? I just sold you my soul.'' 
 
 `` Oh. Right. Jim.'' 
 
 `` Wait, wait, wait,'' a third kid added, getting up. `` I wan na get in on this deal too.'' 
 
 `` For the love of God kids, stop selling your souls for fake properties! Hell sucks!'' 
 
 `` No, no, it's nothing to do with the game.'' 
 
 Satan paused. `` What do you want?'' 
 
 `` Can you heat this for me?'' the kid said, raising a plate with a single slice of pepperoni pizza his way. `` The 
 microwave is like all the way in the kitchen and --'' 
 
 `` STOP MAKING FRIVOLOUS REQUESTS IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR SOULS!'' Satan bellowed. `` GOD DAMN IT!'' 
 
 `` You know what?'' Greg said. `` I change my mind, let Jim win the stupid game. Make mine a pizza too. Meat lovers.'' 
 
 `` I'M NOT SELLING PIZZAS, I'M HEATING THEM! Wait, what am i saying!?'' 
 
 `` Hey, Sam, you did n't make your wish yet, ask him for the Ferrari.'' 
 
 Satan paused. His eyes darted to the fourth kid, who had, up until then, not partaken in the discussion. 
 
 *Could he finally have stumbled upon a decent wish-maker? Someone who would trade their soul for something 
 worthy? * 
 
 `` So… you want a Ferrari?'' Satan asked. 
 
 The kid nodded. `` Yes,'' he said, simply. `` Model F-40, black, vintage edition, two-thousand and two. I've wanted one for years.'' 
 
 `` Okay… that I can arrange. Are you willing to trade your soul for it?'' 
 
 `` I am.'' 
 
 Satan smiled. Not a wasted trip to Earth after all. 
 
 The kid smiled in return. He pulled his phone. `` Hang on, let me see if they still have it.'' 
 
 Satan frowned. `` What are you doing? I can get it for you even if they do n't --'' 
 
 `` I'm just checking the Hot Wheels website to see if they still have that model for sale.'' 
 
 `` Oh fuck you all,'' Satan said, puffing fire out of his cheeks and setting the house on fire ( which, to be fair, did heat 
 the pizza slice, so that was nice. ) 
 
 ______ 
 
 *Thanks for reading! For more stories check out /r/psycho_alpaca = ) * 

