[ WP ] God sets up a text message service for prayers . You send in your most heartfelt desire to the Almighty , only to notice you 've been screwed over by autocorrect .

“ As you all know, God has decided in His glorious wisdom that He will receive prayers through text. This miracle has been recognized by Pope Francis, and members of our church are being encouraged to utilize this direct channel of communication to the Lord, ” Sister Clarence started. A few boys in blue tartan uniforms were giggling to themselves as she spoke. The nun reached for a ruler and brought it down on their desks with an unexpectedly loud smack, startling the pair. She continued. 
 
 “ HOWEVER. This does not mean that our school will allow the use of cell phones in class. They are still forbidden. I ’ m looking at you, Ms. Jones, ” Sister Clarence looked over at Cassie, who had slipped her phone into her pocket at the mention of her name. Her classmates snickered. 
 
 “ Now, for today ’ s lesson, we will be reviewing the ablative case. Who can give me the ablative form of a second declension noun? ” 
 
 Cassie hated Latin lessons. As soon as Sister Clarence turned her back, she pulled her phone back out. Facebook was far more engaging than the grammar rules of a dead language. Cassie had the brightness of her screen turned down to its lowest setting, but the white background of her news feed shone through the pocket in her skirt. 
 
 “ Pssst! Hey, didn ’ t you hear Sister Clarence? No phones! ” Olivia whispered, her lips pursed. Cassie rolled her eyes. Sitting next to the teacher ’ s pet was part of the reason she ’ d gained a reputation for getting into trouble. She was caught with her phone far more often than the other students only because Olivia couldn ’ t see them. 
 
 “ Fuck off, Olivia, ” Cassie hissed back. Olivia glared, then her hand shot up. 
 
 “ Sister Clarence! Sister, Cassie is using her phone during class again! It ’ s in her pocket right now! ” She gave Cassie a smug and triumphant look. 
 
 “ Cassie, hand it here, ” Sister Clarence said, extending her hand. 
 
 “ Alright, fine. ” 
 
 Cassie reached into her pocket slowly, turned the screen on, and opened the text message screen. Her fingers were familiar with the keyboard and swiped accordingly. 
 
 “ Ms. Jones! I mean it! Give me that phone! ” Sister Clarence insisted. 
 
 “ Just a sec…there! It ’ s all yours. ” 
 
 “ Thank you. Now, the prepositions that require the ablative case are? Anyone? ” 
 
 Olivia screamed in agony. Sister Clarence turned and put a hand to her mouth, horrified. A wave of heat came over the classroom and Olivia ’ s clothes started to smoke. Suddenly, a bright orange flame erupted from her desk and began to consume the wood and plastic. Olivia jumped out of her seat and flailed around the room, trying to put out the flames. 
 
 Cassie ran to the front of the classroom and grabbed her phone from Sister Clarence ’ s desk. Hurriedly, she unlocked the screen and read the text: 
 
 *Dear God. Please let Olivia burn in here. * 
 
 “ Aww, shit. ”
