[ WP ] A ghost goes to a secluded cabin for some quiet time off but events take a turn for the sinister as the ghost is haunted by horny teenagers

Note: swearing 
 
 I used to haunt this old hotel but I was pretty shit at it - other guys would be racking up three, four insanities a week and I could barely cause a sleepless night. They were basically a bunch of dicks about it too, so I was a pretty eager when this cabin in the woods gig turned up. 
 
'Easiest job you'll ever do,' they said. Nobody even knows about it, right? Yeah. No such luck. Day 3, I'm just settling down for the night and who turns up but Idiot 1 and Idiot 2. 
 
 They've never been here before. Okay, at least I was n't totally lied to. All I have to do is give them one good scare and they wo n't come back. I need to think it through though, I'm not particularly good at this. 
 
 While I'm thinking they're setting up.'I told my mom I'm at Claire's house,' says female moron. Jesus Christ, you know how many ghosts I know who died while they were'staying at Claire's house'? This one deserves a haunting. And him-! He's wearing a letterman. A letterman, for god's sake. They were douchey even when I was alive. 
 
 They've got candles, beer, and oh- for crying out loud! A oujii board. Spooky spooky spooky. 
 
'Are you sure about this?' She bites her lip. 
 
'C'mon babe, we'll just try it.' 
 
'What do we ask?' 
 
'You got ta start simple, sweeten it up a little first.' 
 
 Okay, I do enjoy their little incantation thing, being called'spirit' and all that. But then she says,'is it working Brad?' Brad. Brad. There is no respectability in haunting someone called Brad. I start moving the token. 
 
'F... U... C... K - oh!' She pulls her hand away. I had n't gotten to'off'. 
 
'Brad that's NOT funny.' 
 
'I swear babe, that was n't me. I think... I think there's a ghost that wants us to do it.' 
 
 She giggles and they share a long, irritating look in the flickering candlelight. I thought a creak of he floorboards and a howling wind would spook them out of it but she flinches straight into his arms. Oh shit aaaaaand now they're making out. Shit shit they're gon na get so caught up in each other they wo n't notice anything I do! I panic, blow on her neck and fuck, she loves it! 
 
'I think I saw a bed in the other room.' 
 
 I'm playing a freaking symphony making the pipes groan, trees rustle, but they're undressing each other. I freeze for a minute, mind blank. I need to do something, but what? Christ sake, this is the hotel all over again. I give the bed frame a strong shake but all it does is make her whimper his name. 
 
 I moan and he thinks it's her and she thinks it's him and both of them whisper'I love you,' in the dark. Fuck. Fuck. This. Shit. Now this wooden fucking crapshack has sentimental meaning to them. Knowing my luck these two dumbwits will get married and show their grandkids this place every weekend from now until eternity. 
 
 Afterwards they're sitting wrapped in that musty picnic blanket and she looks around the room, surveys it.'Cute,' she says. Cute. I am not cute. I am terrifying. I am jaw-dropping, butt-shaking scary. I am your worst nightmare risen up from the fiery tombs of hell. Ah rats. I'll get it some day.
