[ WP ] A new virus evolves to help people instead of harming them .

“ I think I'm coming up with something, ” the lady three booths down says. 
 
 “ Oh really? ” her companion asks. “ I just got over something myself. ” You could hear the half-smile in his voice as he said it. 
 
 I shuddered, then reached into my briefcase where I keep a surgical mask. 
 
 It's night and a cold, Georgia winter. Snow hashes down in diagonals relative to the straight, upward and upward lines of the buildings which stretch down Peachtree like monoliths. 
 
 It's warm and well-lit in this corner diner. A few, very few people. And I switched to night shift because of this. To avoid people and sickness. Particularly the ulf. 
 
 Ulf season is going to be prevalent this winter, according to the blogs and talking heads. Religious groups presaging the second coming. Message boards painting a bleak picture with a broad brush. Their conspiracy theory fires fanned by faux-independent news links. 
 
 So it'll be the same as any other ulf season, is what I mean to say. Excepting that it's a new strain. 
 
 Fucking ulf. I remember when it started. As it spread outward from the southwest-Asian jungle hells, the nascent terror it carried bestowed itself upon the people wholesale. Everybody in the western world regarded their televisions, bemused, as scenes of unadulterated joy played out on the news. Villagers hugging each other and sharing food. Asian businessmen giving fortunes to charity. Surely the illness would spread to North America, and then what next? 
 
 The news agencies would invariably end their reports by saying, “ - although scientists report that the disease does not appear to be killing anybody. ” 
 
 Which was n't entirely true. The week before the ulf hit the U.S., reports were coming in from Japan of businessmen committing suicide after having given away all of their possessions. Lunging from skyscrapers. Hanging from branches in verdant forests. And similar stories from other countries. 
 
 It divided the nation, according to the news who all day had gray men arguing back and forth as to whether such a disease was to be feared or welcomed. 
 
 “ Maybe, ” a Catholic priest said on one show, “ this is the second coming of Christ and his loving spirit has divided to enter us all. ” The man with whom he was arguing, who used words like'index funds' and'anti-capitalist' rolled his eyes and raised his hands, exasperated. 
 
 But when it hit, it hit hard. Everybody was laughing and smiling. People gave things away, and sometimes fortunes. In one case, a former billionaire who'd had the ulf for two weeks tried to sue to reclaim his money. It was deemed impossible, as the people to whom he gave the money in turn gave the money away. 
 
 A morning show host was placed on paid suspension when she smilingly announced the tragic, lion-related death of a famous young singer. 
 
 From then on, it was agreed that somber news should be delivered only by healthy reporters. Although it did n't help watching a fast-food restaurant full of people erupt into laughter as news broke of a woman who, in a fit of ulf, gave her toddler child to an estranged family member who killed the toddler. When I saw that, I returned to work and asked my boss for a transfer to night shift. He happily agreed. 
 
 
 I've been working night shift for seven years now. 
 
 
 I admit that, as far as epidemics go, it is n't a bad one. For the most part, people come around. But, to me, there is something sinister about people being so nice that they destroy themselves in a mania. 
 
 I look up. The woman three booths down from me smiles and waves. I nod politely, and my mask disguises the fact that I am not smiling.
