[ WP ] As the newly-elected President of the United States , you are given your first security briefing . In it , you are informed that the American Flag is a sentient being that demands to be worshipped in song by schoolchildren , and is hungry for more .

`` Wait... What'' 
 
 `` Think about it, do you really think the revolutionary war was won because we had better tactics and home field advantage? No, the truth is we were losing the war... and badly, but on July 4th, 1776 the founding fathers entered into a pact with a race of aliens that were flag shaped chameleons. they used their psychic abilities to subdue the British forces and win the war for us. In return we allowed them to take the visage of a flag that was designed by Betsy Ross and feed off the patriotic thoughts of all Americans. That pleased the flags... for a time. In 1892 the flags demanded more, so we brought in Francis Bellamy to write The Pledge of Allegiance, we are n't pledging to the country but to the flags.'' 
 
 `` Is that why they're everywhere?'' 
 
 `` Correct, any time patriotism's low in the country we cause a major national disaster, Pearl Harbor was the first, then the JFK assassination, then the Combine shooting, then 9/11, every time it was so that Americans became super patriotic and get flags everywhere.'' 
 
 `` Why are we so compliant with these things if we have to commit such atrocities?'' 
 
 `` Because Mr. President, without the flags, we have nothing, they've become so powerful they would destroy us. They are our masters, we are their slaves.''
