[ WP ] Your son did as your will said and gave you a viking funeral because you thought it sounds cool . Beyond , a viking ghost yells at you for doing so and tosses you a weapon . Good Luck , Steve . It 's going to be a long afterlife .

`` Here we are, your afterlife.'' 
 
 Death lead me trough a gate. I was standing on a wide plain field and I could see a man coming closer. He looked like a viking from one of the movies. 
 
 He threw me a sword. 
 
 `` Prepare yourself warrior!!!'' 
 
 I turned around. 
 
 `` Woah, woah Grim. What the fuck man? Where did you led me?'' 
 
 `` Valhalla, Frank. The vikings version of afterlife.'' 
 
 `` But Im not a viking.'' 
 
 `` Well, your son buried you with a viking ritual so its going to be Valhalla for you. Dont blame me, you wanted it that way.'' 
 
 Death shrugged. 
 
 `` Anyway, I got to go. Got lot of other stuff to do. Oh and by the way, you should definetly parry this strike.'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 The axe buried deep into my flesh, tearing my intestines apart and shattering several rips. I fell and layed on the ground, unable to move an inch. 
 
 Death waved me when he went trough the gate again. 
 
 `` Dont worry Frank, I know you will be fine. After all its not like you could die here anyway hehe...'' 
 
 The warrior was standing over me and man he was impressive. I mean Im pretty jacked from the weekly trips to the gym but he was definetly in another league. If I was Batman, that guy would definetly be the Hulk. 
 
 `` By Odin, I even warned you and gave you a weapon. And you still dont parry? By the way, the name is Olaf.'' 
 
 He reached me his hand. I tried to lift mine but all I could do was gurgling out blood. 
 
 `` Oh I forgot..'' 
 
 Olaf started to put back my intestines into my body. When he was done he made a makeshift bandage with my shirt to hold them inside. 
 
 After a while the pain was gone and I could stand up again. Olaf grinned. 
 
 `` Nice isnt it? No matter how grave the injury, after a while it all heals by itself. Maybe now you could tell me your name.'' 
 
 `` Im Frank.'' 
 
 `` Pleasure to meet you. How did you die?'' 
 
 `` My Cobra got shot down by an Igla in Afghanistan.'' 
 
 `` What has your snake to do with your death?'' 
 
 `` I mean my chopper got shot down.'' 
 
 `` Whats a chopper? Sounds like a berserker who likes to cut things.'' 
 
 `` Olaf, when did the last warrior arrive in Valhalla?'' 
 
 `` That must have been 1200 something.'' 
 
 I sighed, no wonder he didnt know what I was talking about. We sat down and I started to tell him what happened in the last 800 years. When I was finished it was already getting dark. 
 
 `` By the gods, all this happened in the last 800 years? Life now sound completely different than ours.'' 
 
 `` And it keeps changing, not always for the good tough.'' 
 
 `` Also there is no honor in the way you fight. What kind of warrior sits on the other side of the world and moves only a finger to wipe out an entire village?'' 
 
 `` Welcome to the 21th century...'' 
 
 `` Loki be cursed, its already getting dark. We have to get back to the great hall.'' 
 
 `` Great hall?'' 
 
 `` Yes the hall were we feast and drink. But only real warriors are supposed to sit at the table. And judging from your tellings you have no idea how to fight with a sword, spear or axe.'' 
 
 `` Well, I know how to use a knife.'' 
 
 `` Prove it.'' 
 
 Olaf threw me a knife and we both readied our weapons. With a fearsome battlecry he lunged at me. I dodged to the side and cut his arm. He tried to hit me with a second strike and I ducked under it and rammed the blade into his chest. He started to spit blood but grabbed me with both of his arms. 
 
 I couldnt move and he started to crush me with his bro hug. I could hear my bones crack when he suddenly stopped and let go of me. 
 
 `` That should do. Not bad considering you have been fighting with this toy. Some practice and you can take it with every warrior here. Now come, a feast is awaiting us.'' 
 
 We walked to a castle and entered it. Inside was a huge hall, rich with ornaments and decorations. The tables reached from one end of the room to the other and there must have been enough space for thousands of people. Between the tables beautiful maidens in artful armors were walking up and down and serving food and mead to the warrirors. 
 
 I followed Olaf and we both took seat. 
 
 `` Olaf!!! Where have you been?'' 
 
 Another warrior at the table gretted him. 
 
 `` I was picking up a new warrior Einar.'' 
 
 `` A new warrior? You dont mean this weakling?'' 
 
 The muscular giant pointed at me. 
 
 `` Frank might look like a weakling but he is good with a knife. Almost defeated me while attacking head on.'' 
 
 The other warriors started to laugh. One of the put a horn filled with mead in fron of me. 
 
 `` In this case, welcome in Valhalla Frank. A toast to our newest warrior!!!!'' 
 
 Everyone lifted their horns, toasted and drank it without putting it down. I tried my best but started to choke. 
 
 Olaf patted on my back. 
 
 `` Yeah, we got ta work on this too.'' 
 
 I finished coughing and one of the maidens refilled my horn with mead. 
 
 `` So, what are you guys doing here all day?'' 
 
 `` What every man dreams of. We feast and drink, sleep, fight at daylight and in the evening we feast and drink again.'' 
 
 Olaf bumped me into my side. 
 
 `` You will like it here, trust me.'' 
 
 `` And sometimes we will even get to know the Valkyries a little bit better, if you catch my meaning.'' the warrior said with a wink. 
 
 I lifted my horn again. 
 
 Well, sounds like its not that bad after all.
