[ WP ] Smouldering hat in hand , the Devil has come to the one person who is more versed in corruption of humanity than him . And it 's a real shock to learn it 's YOU .

`` Me? Really.'' 
 
 He frowned and shuffled the files in front of him. His eyes burned into me, making me wince with fear. 
 
 `` Yes, you. Believe me, I was shocked as well. However, do n't be too cocky. I'm actually the sixth devil so far, and it's not a cushy gig. There's a reason I'm retiring.'' 
 
 My hands were making indents on the flimsy metal chair. It really did look out of place, what with the fire and brimstone everywhere. My cool countenance was sort of invalidated by the sheer absurdity of the circumstances. 
 
 `` And, um, why me?'' 
 
 `` You know what the best thing in life is?'' 
 
 `` Ice cream?'' 
 
 `` No.'' 
 
 `` Laughter?'' 
 
 `` Close. It's love. And you, my friend, are very good at it.'' 
 
 `` What? Love? But I'm single. I've always ever really been single. I'm still a virgin, for chrissake!'' 
 
 The devil winced this time. Whoops. 
 
 His frown returned as he stood up from behind his desk. He stroked his chin with long, bony fingers of his hand. His horns drove new furrows into the cracked ceiling. 
 
 `` That's kind of the point. Do you know how many people are currently in love with you?'' 
 
 `` Uh... No...?'' 
 
 `` 44. And this is actual love, too. You're unique in that you can somehow foster true love in people without your reciprocation. To put it simply, you're a heartbreaker. You've got the unique set of character traits that make it easy for people to talk to you, to empathize with you. People fall in love with you because of who you are, and no matter what you say it will never change.'' 
 
 `` And that makes me ideal for being the Prince of Darkness why?'' 
 
 The devil looks down at his open palms. His eyes close. 
 
 `` Because we are n't bad people. The devil is removed from it all, and removing you would help the human race as a whole. Right now you are about four days from discovering your talent for politics, and your charm will easily persuade the public to elect you. From there you will proceed to break approximately 9,534 more hearts by being unobtainable before retiring into luxury.'' 
 
 `` But I do n't, like, start a huge war, do I?'' 
 
 He smirks. 
 
 `` No, no. War is something we can deal with. But heartbreak... Heartbreak is a league of its own.'' 
 
 `` So I must ascend to the throne of skulls because if I do n't, about 10,000 people will never find true love?'' 
 
 `` Is n't that what you've wanted? A place of leadership? Would n't you want to no longer bear the burden of another man's life?'' 
 
 I sigh. 
 
 `` I do n't really have a choice, do I...''
