[ WP ] An old man passes away , and is lovingly reunited with his deceased first wife . Not long after , his second wife shows up .

Tropical winds whipped across the sandy beaches of wherever heaven had put me. I had walked through the pearly gates, but on the other side was this beach instead of clouds. I'd been waiting on the soft shore for hours, staring out at the perpetual sunset glistening off the calm water. I knew I was supposed to wait here for something, but I was n't sure what. 
 
 `` Herold?'' I heard a soft voice to my left and turned to see a pretty damn in a pinup dress, holding her hand over her mouth as tears slowly started to stain her cheeks, `` You're here, you're finally here for me?'' 
 
 I pulled the army cap off of my head. When I'd come to the gates they said they would move me to the prime of my life, the days when I was fighting for what I believed in. I smiled back at her, Lex, the nurse from my regimen, the girl I'd snuck off to town with to find a priest and a hotel, `` I told you I would find you wherever you were darlin''' I said, flawlessly slipping back into the time we spent together, `` I just took a little long getting here, that's all.'' 
 
 She took her hand away from her mouth, still leaving it open in shock and started running over to me, her white dress flapping in the winds of paradise as she finally made it close enough to reach out and hug me. She pulled me in tight, `` It's really you,'' she said through tears, `` I thought you were n't gon na come.'' 
 
 `` Doll,'' I smiled down at her, brushing a tear off her cheek, `` I told you I could make it.'' 
 
 `` Well fuck,'' the high pitched sound of a cheese grater doing laps on a chalkboard cut through our reunion, `` This is who they send me to see in paradise?'' 
 
 Lex looked around, `` Who is that?'' 
 
 `` Nobody,'' I said. 
 
 `` Oh yeah, fuckin' nobody, that's what you said when you were five inches deep in Kendra from the bake sale, or four inches I do n't remember.'' 
 
 `` That,'' I said, `` Is my ex wife Veronica.'' 
 
 `` Oh, I get it, call me an ex! Who is she, some floozy from when you were back in Nam?'' 
 
 `` Nam?'' Lex asked. 
 
 `` Vietnam sweetie,'' I turned to Veronica, `` How about you take your bitching and shove it up your massive fucking nose.'' 
 
 `` Oh, I'm sorry, let me give you two your moment, I'll just hide behind the palm tree.'' She started walking to one in the distance, `` Do n't mind me, I'm sure the coconuts make great conversation.'' 
 
 `` Why were you in Vietnam?'' Lex asked, looking up at me. 
 
 `` I fought a war there.'' 
 
 `` Wait, we fought a war in Vietnam, why would we do that?'' 
 
 `` That's a very good question.'' I let go of her, she looked disappointed, `` Just one minute baby.'' I smiled at her and brushed her hair behind her ear, `` Veronica you massive cunt I'm not letting you be passive aggressive in heaven.'' 
 
 She turned around, `` Funny, I saw you here and assumed it was hell.'' 
 
 `` Well I do n't know why they sent you to see me when you got here, maybe they figured I needed to suffer a little.'' 
 
 `` That's purgatory idiot, once you get to Paradiso you're done suffering.'' 
 
 `` Holy fuck,'' I threw my arms in the air, `` Your obsession with that stupid book has followed me to heaven, to fucking heaven,'' I sighed, `` I'm going to back to paradise with Lexi if you do n't mind.'' 
 
 `` And if I do mind?'' 
 
 `` Then jump in the fucking ocean and find the next layer of the matrix.'' 
 
 `` What's the matrix?'' Lex asked while reaching out for another hug. 
 
 `` It's a movie sweetheart, we can watch it together.'' 
 
 `` Alright!'' The screeching came for down the beach, `` Who the fuck is she?'' 
 
 `` Who?'' I asked, `` I do n't see anyone you lunati-'' I stopped myself after setting eyes on my third'wife' Electra. I looked down at Lex, `` do n't worry, Electra is nicer.'' 
 
 `` Who is that fucking woman,'' Veronica yelled. 
 
 `` I do n't see a woman'' I called back, and I really was n't lying. 

