[ WP ] You are an insane lunatic in the magical world , you 're considered highly dangerous because every bit of gibberish you spit out seems to count as a spell

“ Ah, your ever gracious majesty, what has a humble magician like myself done this time to deserve such an audience? ” I said, putting on my best shit-eating grin as I was dragged into the king ’ s court. 
 
 The king was seated upon his golden throne, surrounded by his royal guardsmen and various nobles. He motioned to my accompanying guards with a slight wave, and at his command, the guards removed the mana-restricting chains that bound my hands, albeit hesitantly. Finally free of the chains, I wrung out my hands, my grin growing wider as I noticed a few of the nobles exchanging nervous glances with one another. 
 
 “ It ’ s nice to breath some fresh air again. The dungeons are so unbelievably stuffy; you really should consider airing them out once in a while, my liege. It ’ s damp as a dog ’ s arse down there! ” I exclaimed before anyone else could speak, my gaze settling on a rotund noble that irked my sense of vision. 
 
 The noble squeaked, his hands flying to his bottom, and an audible wince sounded out in the audience chamber as the rest realised what I ’ d done. Even a few of the ever-so-disciplined royal guard stiffened visibly, and I couldn ’ t help but cackle loudly as the noble did his best to shuffle away, trying his best to ignore the growing stain on the back of his pants, as well as the stink that spread throughout his immediate vicinity. 
 
 “ Mad wizard, ” sighed the king, silencing the audience chamber. “ Your kingdom requires your aid. The states of the Mages' Collective march upon our lands, and we need your… artistic skills to repel them. ” 
 
 “ I knew you ’ d come around one day, your majesty. You ’ re quite right, my magic isn ’ t mere magic, it is an art form! ” I nodded, pleased. “ What do I get out of it, however? ” 
 
 “ Your freedom, ” said the king unhesitantly. My unsatisfied face gave him a second ’ s pause, before he continued, his voice steeped in resignation, “ and the hand of my eldest daughter in marriage. ” 
 
 “ Deal. ” 
 
 The girl by the king ’ s throne paled as I accepted the bargain, and I couldn ’ t resist shooting her a leery grin. 
 
 “ Also, wizard, please refrain from… demonstrating your art on my men, if possible, ” the king croaked. “ I find that it ’ s bad for their morale. ” 
 
 “ My liege! Are you suggesting that I would harm these fine men that will fight bravely alongside me on the battlefield? ” I cried out in mock hurt, splaying out my hands towards a few guards by the side of the courtroom. “ Why, that hurts my feelings like an ingrown toenail awaiting removal! ” 
 
 The king merely coughed as the guards fell to the floor, groaning in pain and clutching at their feet. 
 
 “ Fine, ” I conceded with a shrug after a moment. “ Let ’ s not tarry any longer, your majesty. Battle awaits, and I ’ ve got a wedding to plan. ” 

