[ WP ] All he/she/you wanted to do was serve dinner , but it had to cause the end of humanity .

All I wanted to do was serve dinner, but it just *had* to cause the end of humanity. Fucking typical, am I right? 
 
 Since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was work in the White House and rub elbows with the most powerful men on the planet. Five years of law schooling ended up with this: me serving dinner to major world leaders. 
 
 It all started out well, with the President shaking hands with every major figure present. Putin seemed to enjoy the Veal Orloff we prepared for him and Prime Minister Trudeau smiled politely at all the comments about his hair. 
 
 We served all the courses, and I had the privilege to be assigned to the table where Putin, Trudeau, and Obama was seated. I heard an argument between Trudeau and Putin break out. 
 
 ``... and your hair looks stupid, too!'' 
 
 `` At least I've GOT hair, ya hoser! Oh, and we're better than you in hockey!'' 
 
 `` What?! No, you're not! We've got Ovechkin! Datsyuk! Kovalchuk!'' 
 
 `` What about Crosby? Gretzky? Howe?'' 
 
 `` Ca n't win a Stanley Cup, though.'' 
 
 Trudeau whirled around, hair glorious and eyes blazing with righteous fury. `` Shut UP, Obama! All your hockey teams are FILLED with Canadian players. You're. Welcome.'' 
 
 My feet chose that time to stop working, sending me and the soup I was carrying right into Putin's lap. 
 
 `` Enough! I've had enough of this foolishness! You,'' he pointed at me, `` you will regret this! Putin is Putout!'' With that, he stormed out of the room and out of the country. 
 
 I got quite an earful that night. President Obama himself came down and talked to me. He was n't mad, he was just disappointed, which honestly made me feel worse. I obviously got fired, of course, and after one drunken night, I ended up being banned from the District of Columbia. 
 
 The courts could n't stop me from checking the news sites and CPAC, however, and I checked it religiously. It was almost always filled with the usual arguments that happened within Congress, until one day. 
 
 # Putin declares WAR on America! 
 **Names State Dinner, Waiter As Causes** 
 
 I went into hiding pretty goddammed quickly after that. The draft started again, but that did n't last long before the first nukes were launched. 
 
 Of course, it just escalated from there. Mutually Assured Destruction and whatnot. Now the nukes are bearing down on Seattle, where I'm hiding. China decided to get involved, too, after North Korea decided to successfully fire a nuclear missile at Seoul. 
 
 The Emergency Alert System is now blaring on the television, but I know that it's too late to save us. To save any single one of us. 
 
 I'm sorry.
