[ WP ] Every /r/writingprompt cliche at the same time .

`` Wow, what an average day'' yawned Jonathan Chance, who turns out to be the bad guy at the end. The glimmering light peaking through his curtains was rich with unremarkably average beauty. 
 
 Not wasting any time in his average morning routine, Jonathan reached under his bed for his beloved purple colored, flashlight shaped apparatus. Before he could begin his daily ritual of making God regret His bastard children, Jonathan remembered that he could see a number above people's heads, signifying how many seconds they have left to live. `` Oh, right'' he exclaimed 
 
 In proper display of rising and falling action, Jonathan had thus far avoided checking any mirrors. He looked over at his own mirror, covered carefully with a mysteriously dirty poster of Jennifer Larence, with a sense of foreboding. It was at that moment that a mysterious, unexpected package appeared at his door with three powerful knocks. 
 
 So powerful were the knocks that his beloved waifu broke free of her tapey confines and drifted with a devil's gentleness to his mysteriously dirty floor. Exposed, at last, was the sinister mirror that he inexplicably still had. At long last Jonathan could see his number. `` Oh shit'' he exclaimed. 
 
 The number was the only one of its kind he had encountered: 0. Well, actually, that went for practically every number. However, 0 was easily the most surprising number he had seen so far. `` What does it mean!?'' Jonathan cried out 
 
 `` It means you were dead the whole time.'' replied the Grim Reaper who was there all of the sudden.'' 
 
 `` Noooooo!'' 
 
 `` Also, a friend of yours has been waiting a long time to see you.'' Out from the Reaper's black robes trotted a corgi, with fur the color of the carpet at your grandmother's house. 
 
 `` Sparky, my childhood dog!'' said Jonathan with great emotion `` I have n't thought about you in years!'' 
 
 `` On the contrary, dear Jonathan.'' the corgi responded in a soothing baritone `` I have thought about you every day.'' The two locked eyes for several charged seconds until finally the silence was broken by none other than Sparky. `` Jonathan, while I'm overjoyed to finally experience this moment that I've waited 50 long years for, I'm afraid I bear bad tidings. You see, I am dying.'' 
 
 `` What!?'' Jonathan cried out `` How can this be? We're in the afterlife!'' 
 
 `` Yes, this may so, but while you humans may be immortal in this state, we dogs are merely granted elongated lifespans. Sadly, you seem to have arrived just in time to witness my departure. A shame. There was so much I had to tell you, now that I'm able to talk. Farewell, my dear Jonathan. You were my world in both life and death.'' 
 
 `` Noooooo!'' Jonathan cried out, his throat horse from all the recent drama. It was at that moment that he had several youtube-unsafe thoughts about whether it was truly a good thing that he had failed his teenaged suicide attempts. *All those years, robbed of my beloved Sparky... * The thoughts echoed in his burdened mind. 
 
 And then Sparky died. For a second time. 
 
 ***The end. ***
