[ WP ] The world awakens one morning to masturbation simply NOT working anymore . It is now impossible to get yourself off , an entire industry is decimated , and the first 5 people you 've interacted with this morning are all VERY on edge .

It just seems so wrong, as if the whole world gone crazy. Part of what makes us human, just gone. And nobody knows why. One moment everyone are enjoying themselves and celebrate their sexuality, or their self-loathing, and the next just silence and weeping. 
 
 The first thing I noticed when I got to the office was Fat Joe, the office masturbator, sitting at his desk and crying, surrounded by some of our co-workers. We've all come to terms with his... situation and learnt to use it for our benefit. These are the people get when you work at a small gay amateur porn business. His job was to try new techniques and gimmicks that will get us more traffic. Most of them are n't even gay, neither am I. We're in it for the money. 
 
 I looked at them as I passed by. Joe was just sitting there, tears soaking his grey shirt. Randy, the founder of our small enterprise, was sweating and looking around the room, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. 
 
 `` The fuck's going on here?'' I asked. Fat Joe looked at me... 
 
 `` Dylan, you've got ta help me. It... does n't work. It's just does n't work.'' 
 
 `` The fuck are you on about?'' His eyes went down. I could n't even imagine in my wildest dreams what was about to come. 
 
 ``... I ca n't... finish.'' I stared at him, blank-faced. 
 
 `` His dick does n't work when he cleans his rifle... Neither does ours. It just seems that God decided to finally do something about that whole prohibition of jerking off.'' Daniel, the self-appointed douchebag of the office spoke. He was sitting there, next to Fat Joe and sipping his coffee. 
 
 `` What the hell do you mean neither does'ours'? You mean collectively?... It does n't go out or something?'' 
 Randy finally shifted his gaze, and looked at me dead in the eye. 
 `` It does nothing. You can stroke it all you want, fast as you want, hard as you want. As long as you want. You end up with nothing, and you feel nothing.'' 
 
 My jaw dropped. I wondered what would become of us. Without the ability to please ourselves, how will we fill our appetite? It seems though, that just as it was said about God - without the ability to rub one off, our society will drift into nihilism and everything will be permitted. 
 
 Suddenly our eyes all shifted towards the news channel on the TV. An astonishingly attractive news reporter spoke. 
 `` Renowned sexologists have issued an alarming announcement - Masturbation has been abolished. The sexual practice which is conducted by billions of men has been reportedly nulled. Men across the globe can not ejaculate during their sessions of masturbation, regardless of the session's length. Women of-course do n't masturbate, so they were n't asked. Sexologists warn that this new situation threatens human civilization and that if a solution could n't be found soon, society will crumble.'' 
 
 So many thoughts went through my mind that moment. I left everything. On the way home I stopped at Wal-Mart. I bought a shotgun, large quantities of canned food, and some other supplies. I backed up my porn folders onto a flash drive, in hopes that one day, a man could bring himself to fruition once again, as was in the old days. And with the flash drive, I left the house and started to wander across the soon-to-become wasteland. 
 
 edit: formatting
