[ WP ] The USA finally gives in to ongoing claims that music is turning youth violent by outlawing all forms of music besides country and implementing a system that promotes alcohol consumption and dog ownership .

The Dog Hard movement began with the First Lady and swept the nation like a fire across a dried out prairie. She wasn ’ t the First Lady when all this started, but her party did own both the House and Senate when the law banning all forms of music other than country was passed. After the next election when her husband took office she decided to make dog ownership and country music pride the focus of her work. 
 
 Rock musicians took it badly. Most simply faded away and did other things with their lives. Some tried to change and become country musicians, but it was clearly so disingenuous that few had any real success. Miley Cyrus somehow reinvented herself again. After years of branding herself as edgy to escape her country-fried roots she was pulled back into the world she wanted to leave and not wholly embraced. Her large number of dogs, however, kept her in the public eye. Miley ’ s Tongue is now the largest dog based charity in the nation. 
 
 Suddenly owning dogs became a status symbol. I ’ m not talking about being a hipster with a Corgi or a Pug that has an ironic sweater, but owning multiple dogs was the new hip thing. The bill allowed you to write off your dogs as if they are children, but in order to do so you have to treat them as such. Overnight the cottage industry of dog clothes, furniture, and gourmet treats exploded. 
 
 It all makes me sick. I sit in my house and look out the window and see people walking by with multiple dogs on leashes; dogs dressed in costumes; dogs with designer hats; dogs eating better food that I eat, and I have to swallow down the bile. My neighbor has a Prada shit scooper and she has trained her smallest dog, a Yorkie named Sampson that wears “ vintage Hollywood ” clothes, to back up and poop directly into the scooper so she doesn ’ t have to scrape the crap off the ground. With her designer dogs and her Garth Brooks filled iPhone she is the First Lady ’ s wet dream. This woman took the Dog Hard movement to the extreme. 
 
 Dog Hard started out as a way to promote dog ownership. With the tax breaks and rules that came with them so came waves of commercials for dog adoption. For the first time in decades shelters actually had a shortage of dogs. Breeders were the new rock stars. Where Gordon Ramsey, Bobby Flay and other celebrity chefs used to rule cable TV, now celebrity dog breeders and trainers ran networks. The nation was dog crazy. The status symbol of them spoke volumes. The more dogs you had, the more you loved your country. You did n't need to wave the flag when you could just Dog Hard! 
 
 At a time when the nation was at its most divided politically, ideologically, and socially, somehow, in some strange way, dogs and country music pulled us all together. The whole thing reeked of 1984. Somewhere I think Orwell is spinning in his grave. 
 
 I grab my coat, wallet, and keys then head outside. I need some fresh air. As I pull out of my driveway the couple from a few houses down that has decided they will only get giant dogs trots up the sidewalk. They have three massive dogs that each weight well over 100 pounds on leashes. The biggest is a wearing a jacket that would fit me. They smile and wave to me. I wave back. She doesn ’ t realize I have my window down and can hear her when she says to her husband, “ I don ’ t understand what his problem is. ” 
 
 What ’ s my problem? Maybe I don ’ t like being manipulated. Maybe I don ’ t want other people telling me what to listen to. Maybe I sometimes fear that in the middle of the night the feds are going to smash in my door and sweep me off to jail because of the collection of heavy metal CDs I keep hidden in my closet. These are some of my problems, but the real issue, the festering core of my anger, mistrust, and general hatred of this world that I now live in that is awash in custom built dogs and shitty country music… is that I own a cat. 

