[ WP ] You 're a rich , kindhearted , well meaning philanthropist with grand plans that will genuinely improve the world . However , you have all the mannerisms of a super villain . The costume , the monologues , the henchmen , the lair , etc .

As the last of the kaiju beast monster's ashes fall to the ground, like black snowflakes on an autumn's night, I take a minute to breathe. In the distance, the sirens screech while above me, the chopper blades rip through the night sky like the demon's heartbeat. 
 
 `` Boss, we need to go,'' Boris tells me. `` They're coming.'' 
 
 I close my eyes and sigh. Maybe this time when I speak, things will be different. 
 
 `` Silence, you imbecile, or I, the great Dr. Demento shall eradicate your spleen with my ray of evil cosmic death.'' Another epic failure in communications. It was n't my fault. It was *him* -- always *him*. 
 
 `` Uh... sure boss. Sorry,'' Boris says. `` Look, we really need to get out of here. I mean, we had no business being here in the first place.'' 
 
 We had plenty of business being here. An evil monster, the size of a skyscraper, was tearing up the financial district of my city, eating bankers and actuaries like pop tarts. If I did n't stop it, then who would? 
 
 `` The cops are only minutes away. Like always, they're going to blame us for all the death and destruction,'' Boris cries out. 
 
 Maybe I can reason with the cops this time? Maybe, for once, *he'll* shut up and allow me to talk. `` Let those pigs come. I will crush them like I crush walnuts in between my thighs, for I am Dr. Demento, master of cosmic death, disruptor of wholesome truth, and manipulator of our monochromatic existence.'' 
 
 No, no, no, shut up, just shut up and let me talk. Let the real me talk... please! 
 
 I watch as the first police offer shows up. He gets out of his car and before a word of warning, points his gun straight at my head. He radios in. `` Guys, we have Dr. Demento again. I'll need all the back up I can. Is Ultra Boy available? Someone light the Ultra beacon.'' 
 
 I shake my head. Not Ultra Boy again. Over the course of my super-hero career, that imbecile has knocked out four of my teeth and displaced my hip twice. If he'd only taken the opportunity to listen to the real me, violence would n't have been necessary. Each and every time, it was always a misunderstanding. I was always doing what's best for the city. 
 
 I notice the police officer's hand trembling. His finger is resting on the trigger. There's no need for this. We're both on the same side. Perhaps I can convince him to drop his weapon? I lick my lips, and then try to speak words of reason. `` Communist swine, of subpar intelligence. Do n't point your weapons at me, unless you wish to gum food for the rest of your useless existence.'' 
 
 Damn it. I let out a loud sigh that comes out as a growl. The officer mistakes it as a declaration of war and fires. 
 
 I'm so tired of this -- so very damn tired. Perhaps this time, I wo n't deflect the bullet. I close my eyes and think of where things went so terribly wrong. 
 
 Ever since I made that deal for money and power, I've been a prisoner to my own tongue and fashion sense. I wanted to be a hero -- to make a difference in the world. Perhaps if heroes existed ten years ago, Donna would still be alive. But she's gone, and I've spent the past few years making a fool of myself and creating enemies -- all in the name of justice. Maybe if I allow the bullet to take me, I'll be able to see her again. No, of course I wo n't see her. The deal was done and my soul and my tongue belong to *him*. I should have read the fine print. 
 
 `` Boss!'' I hear Boris scream. I open my eyes just in time to see my loyal henchman jump in front of the bullet. His eyes widen as the bullet tears through his abdomen. He crumples to the ground. 
 
 No, Boris. What have you done? Why did you do this? I kneel down and cradle him in my arms. Tears begin streaming down my face. 
 
 `` Boss... though you've... you've always been a dick to me... I see the truth. I see... I see what's in your heart. Love is...'' and then he's gone. Boris, sweet Boris, the only one who listens to my actions instead of my words. 
 
 `` You dung-colored kumquat,'' I say aloud. `` Your mother tasted like an pterodactyl's sphincter.'' 
 
 Above, I hear a voice. `` Dr. Demento -- I should have known it was you again. Your plot to summon a Kaiju monster has failed.'' It's Ultra Boy, cracking his pair of eager fists. `` Are you ready?'' 
 
 I drop the body of faithful Boris to the ground and then pull out my cosmic death ray. I stare at Ultra Boy with rage in my eyes, and then at the police officer who shot him. 
 
 Fine, if the world sees me as a villain, then so be it. I let out a hellish scream and then proceed to murder the city I once sought to protect. Somewhere in the hollows of my eardrums, amongst the sound of raging battle and torn appendages, I can hear *him* laughing. 
 
 End 
 
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