[ WP ] Before moving on to the next life , you are allowed to watch a video of your funeral . You do n't like what you see .

//First story, any critisism will be greatly appreciated, Im not very good at creative writing lol. Hope you enjoy 
 
 *Through here please* 
 
 The red door? 
 
 *Yes* 
 
 If this door goes to hell I swear I'm going to talk to your supervisor 
 
 *…. * 
 
 What the fuck is this, why did you bring me to a cinema hall? Oh my God this is hell is n't it? Your going to make me watch endless repeats of Paris Hiltons sex tape are n't you? Please Im sorry I did n't mean to screw over so many people, Im Just a BANKER! 
 
 *Take a seat please* 
 
 Wait…oh shit this is my funeral is n't it? Got any popcorn? 
 
 *'' …. `` * 
 
 Killjoy, You know, this cinema screen is a bit laggy, back at Goldman Sachs the IT guy got me Google Ultron. Its so fast 1080p. NASA uses it. You should get it. 
 
 *'' …. `` * 
 
 But whatever this is good…where am I, theres no movie without its lead role amirate? 
 
 Shhhhh! look there I am. Ah yes, there I am…Dolce and Gabbana suit, golden encrusted rolex, louis Vuitton cufflinks and Oliver people glasses. Just as I instructed them. I always was one to `` stroke my own shaft'' but God do I look sexy. Would I fuck me, yeah…yeah I probably would. 
 
 Here comes the people, underdressed as always…Do n't they realise that they are here to appreciate the life of the Great one? The greatest investment banker in all of London? The least they could do is make an effort. Is that James wearing a suit from Calvin Klein? Jesus it probably only costs £2000, what a stinge; if it was n't for me he probably be still working at Tesco, not working for one of the most influential investment banks on the planet. 
 
 Wow this hall is really filling up, the whole company must be here. A hall full of some of the most powerful people in the financial sector, everyone of them showing appreciation to the Great One. Jeez that makes me hard…Can I even get hard? I mean I'm dead but surely the biology still works, Oh who am I kidding? the only thing I know about biology is when to pull out and throw the girl a couple 20s. Talking of 20s here comes Sarah…. Well look at that…I guess I can get hard. 
 
 Oh here we go, time for them to take a look at my body in that casket. Even when Im dead I still look better than everyone else. I specifically made this shit open casket so they could each take a look at their better. 
 
 Who's first? James, in his cheap ass £2000 suit. Jesus he makes me sick, just looking at him makes me want to thro…….hold on……..**WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING? HES STEALING MY FUCKING ROLEX! WAIT NO! SOMEONE STOP THE PRICK! HE JUST MADE OFF WITH MY FUCKING ROLEX!! ** For fuck sake does he know how much that costs? it would probably cost less to get his wife to fuck me. Who am I kidding she'll probably do it for free **YOU FUCKING CUNT! ** Jesus… 
 
 Oh well, here comes Sarah, she'll raise my mood…and something else…You know what I'm talking about Death do n't you? 
 
 `` ….'' 
 
 Yes you do you dirty dog…Woof! Woof! 
 
 `` ….'' 
 
 Im talking about my pork sword, my heat seeking missile, my meat and veg. 
 
 `` ….'' 
 
 Forget it, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about your just staying quiet because your jealous. I know I would be if I was in your position, knowing the guy in front of you had that fine piece of ass bent over the desk in HR during hours. She's gorgeous, I'm considering going back just to get another shag in. Could you make that happen? I wo n't be long, it does n't take long for me to make her cum i've done it so many times. 
 
 `` ….'' 
 
 No? fair enough, but honestly look at her…slowly putting her hand into my trouser pocket and taking **MY WALLET! WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING? THE FUCKING BITCH! I GAVE YOU ONE OF THE BEST NIGHTS OF YOUR LIFE AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? YOU FUCKING WHORE! I GOT YOU A RESERVATION AT DORSIA JUST SO YOU CAN STEAL FROM ME? ** You know what Im over it…I do n't even care, why should I? Im dead and she's a whore. She's the type of girl to get fired at a sperm bank for drinking on the FUCKING JOB! Fucking hoe 
 
 Oh great, here comes Donald, or Donald duck as I use to call him. Donald taking-my-fucking-cufflinks duck. Fuck this shit I'm done, leaving this fucking joke of a fucking funeral…What the fuck are you smiling at? 
 
 *'' …. `` * 
 
 Get out of my way…fucking door wo n't move what the fuck… 
 
 *It's a pull door* 
 
 FUCK OFF YOU **CUNT! ** fucking^prick^standing^in^stupid^black^robe^dickhead 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

