[ WP ] A 10 year old girl shows up at your doorstep claiming she is your daughter . You are a virgin ...

The knocks at my door forced me to pause the episode of the classic, 1985 American science fiction animated television series, *The Centurions*. 
 
 `` What do you want?'' I said after opening the door, only to find a little blond girl with a big grin on her face. Her golden little curls made her rosy cheeks pop. 
 
 `` You're my daddy,'' she said. 
 
 `` Beat it, kid, I'm busy.'' 
 
 `` No, I ca n't, you're my daddy!'' She was adamant. So was I. 
 
 `` Look, little girl, I'm not your daddy.'' I looked around for her parents. `` I know for a fact I'm not your dad.'' 
 
 `` How? Are you a virgin?'' she said it with this little fucking cackle. Since when do kids talk like that? 
 
 `` I'm not a virgin, I've boned *many* chicks and seen so many tits,'' I said, not really realizing the kind of language I was using. `` Wait a minute, how do you even know what a virgin is?'' 
 
 She giggled at me. `` Virgin, virgin, viiiiiirgin!'' 
 
 What the hell? I was n't about to admit to a little girl that I've never had sex. How embarrassing is that? 
 
 `` I'm 25, and you're, what, like, 11?'' 
 
 `` 10'' 
 
 `` 10. That would mean I had to be 14-15 when I banged your mom. What's your mom's name?'' 
 
 `` Amanda.'' 
 
 `` Pfft, see?'' I lied through my teeth. `` I was dating this chick named Lucy at the time, and I'm a gentleman and have never cheated,'' or fucked, for that matter, `` so I could n't be your dad. Plus, I always wear a condom when I make love.'' Holy shit, why did I say all those things to a 10-year-old? I'm gon na be on some kind of list now, I know it. 
 
 `` You're my daddy, I know you're my daddy.'' 
 
 `` I'm NOT your dad!'' 
 
 `` Prove it!'' 
 
 `` I do n't need to prove it to you. I know **for a fact** I'm not your dad.'' 
 
 `` Liar, liar, pants on fire.'' She danced around while she chanted it, like some little fierce Indian calling the spirits of her ancestors to come fuck shit up. 
 
 `` I ca n't be your dad!'' 
 
 `` Liar, liar.'' 
 
 `` I'm not lying!'' 
 
 `` Pants on fire.'' 
 
 `` Why could n't you be selling me thin mints?'' 
 
 `` Liar, liar.'' 
 
 `` Or the ones with the caramel and coconuts...'' 
 
 `` Pants on fire.'' 
 
 `` Samurais? Samoans? Something like that...'' 
 
 `` Liar, liar.'' 
 
 `` Instead you're here calling me a liar...'' 
 
 `` Pants on fire.'' 
 
 `` That does n't even make sense, why would my pants be on fire?'' 
 
 `` Liar, liar.'' 
 
 `` Also, I'm black. You're blonde as fuck, little girl.'' 
 
 `` Pants on fire.'' 
 
 `` You're Aryanier than the Gerber baby.'' 
 
 `` Liar, liar.'' 
 
 `` You look like JonBenét Ramsey.'' 
 
 `` Pants on --'' 
 
 `` OK SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M A VIRGIN! I CA N'T BE YOUR DAD!'' 
 
 The bushes rattled, and out jumped my friend Davy. 
 
 `` Hahaha, I knew it!'' He handed the little girl a $ 5 and she ran off. 
 
 `` GOD DAMN IT, DAVY!''
