[ WP ] A suicidal man meets a depressed death . The man has to convince death to get back to work

I finally did it. No more suffering or remorse for all the stupid things I've done. I'm sorry for the ones that will miss me but I hope the goodbye letter will give them some comfort. I wonder what happens now? 
 
 *A deep mist starts forming in front of me and as I try to see what exactly is going on a dark robed figure walks out of it. I could hardly believe my eyes but it was Death. As I was questioning my decision to commit suicide he started speaking: * 
 
 `` Oh....another one. I wish I could just turn this shit off. Hey you, there will be no reaping today, go haunt an enemy or something. 
 
 `` B-but I killed myself. Are n't I supposed to go to hell or something?'' 
 
 `` Heaven, Hell fuck all that. Do you have any idea how long it takes to make that trip? or how many times I have to make it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY? I'm done and if God or Allah or whoever deity your worship has a problem with that tell them to come take it up with me.'' 
 
 *Upon closer inspection I saw that his robe was n't pure black but that it was in fact stained... with what looked like hot sauce. * 
 
 `` is that hot sauce on your robe?'' *upon realizing who I was talking to my spine turned to jelly* `` I mean D-Death, sir, Your Morbidness.'' 
 
 `` So what if it is? Got nothing else to do all day so I visit a KFC once in a while.'' 
 
 `` But are n't there souls to reap? and spirits to collect, ghosts to destroy, things like that?'' 
 
 *The mist around him became a vortex as he grew angry. * 
 
 `` DID N'T YOU HEAR I'M DONE? IF YOU WANT A TASTE OF OBLIVION THAT BAD I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO GIVE IT TO YOU'' 
 
 At this point every cell in my body was crying in fear. This was indeed THAT Death but... what happened to him? 
 
 `` Are... Are you okay man? I mean sir, Death, Mighty Reaper.'' 
 
 `` No, not really.... Do you have any idea what I have been doing since forever basically? Its always reap souls, take them to their respective heaven or hell, hear them cry about broken dreams or other shit. Everyone hates me and i mean LITERALLY EVERYONE. And once in a while some random jackass decides he is some big man and he is gon na `` Cheat Death'' so he hides or escapes on the journey. And they get trapped between the realms so then I have to come again and drag their mangled spirit from whatever shithole part of the void they got lost it. No one ever cares about Death. Its all God or Vishnu or some other random almighty person you humans created when at the end of the road the only one you ever see is me.'' 
 
 `` But if you do n't do all that stuff who else is gon na do it? What happens to all the people who die now?'' 
 
 `` Ah they go insane and eventually start haunting the human realm or something. It's never really happened before because I'm that good at what I do. Well... was. Like I said I'm done with all that Death business. 
 
 `` So what are you doing now? sir I mean its not like I'm questioning your decisions or anything I mean... I'm sure you have some great objective in mind, right?'' 
 
 `` I basically do whatever you humans do every day. I eat junk food, watch TV, browse reddit, that kind of thing. The only problem is that every time one of you meat sacks dies I automatically get transported to you in order to help you move on or something.'' 
 
 `` So if you do n't help me move on, and I go insane and start haunting, could I eventually kill another person?'' 
 
 `` Maybe, probably, depending on how much you hated the person while you were still alive. Why do you ask?'' 
 
 `` But if I kill the person... wont you get transported to him? N-Not like I would do that to you sir... Death.'' 
 
 `` I guess that could happen. But if you would have such a plan I would throw you into nothingness right now!'' *The mist started violently moving again* `` But you would n't do that now would you?'' 
 
 `` N-no sir. Of course I would n't. But what would stop anyone else to do that after going insane?'' 
 
 *The vortex around Death subdued and he seemed to be thinking about what I said. * 
 
 After a few minutes, or hours, or days I do n't know time is a hard thing when you are dead, he says: 
 
 `` You seem to have a point there Andy.'' *hearing my name from his mouth, socket, thing sent chills down my spine* `` I guess I could just throw you all into the void as soon as you die.'' 
 
 The pit in my stomach grew larger as imagined the nothingness that would await me. 
 
 `` P-Please do n't do that sir! I very much prefer your company to *gulp* nothingness. I could help you, share some of the workload I mean if you would let me. I know having some help would make this easier for you.'' 
 
 After another few minutes... or months of silence Death started talking again: 
 
 `` I might try that, Get ready for some incredible pain now Andy as I give you the power to travel the realms'' 
 
 `` P-pain? sir? I'm sure there are other, m-more qualified people for this job than me. I mean people die every second you could just wait for a really strong or fit one to die and then just give him power, and....agonizing pain.'' 
 
 `` Andy... every second you waste means you have more work to do after I finish transforming you and trust me there are plenty of humans to move around. Now, stay still! 
 
 The mist enveloped me, the pain was agonizing, I heard screams both my own and other peoples' and suddenly after what felt like an eternity it all stopped, and I was Death, or at least a part of It. 
 
 EDIT: ALL THE GRAMMAR
