[ WP ] You are a Human-Genie hybrid . You can grant one wish to anyone who ... rubs you the right way . ( Do n't be dirty ! ) Of course , you have a genie sense of humor about those wishes .

`` Aaaah! What the fuck was that?'' 
 
 `` Aaah! What on earth?'' 
 
 Brown liquid was now seeping into the kitchen floor. After her shout, the old woman just stared back at him gormlessly. 
 
 `` No I screamed first. Now I know you're surprised to see someone pop out of nowhere but what the fuck was that? 
 
 `` I...'' 
 
 `` And what the hell is this brown shit I've got all over me?'' 
 
 `` It... it'' 
 
 And she fainted. It took a few minutes before she finally came to again. 
 
 `` Oh good, you're awake. Let's clarify exactly what just happened here. I, a hugely powerful but relatively benign demon, was enjoying a relatively uneventful morning, minding my own business in my lamp. Then all of a sudden I'm given 3rd degree burns, and drowned in a watery brown substance that smells like dead animal. By you. What. The. Hell.'' 
 
 `` I thought... thought... y-'' 
 
 `` Come on spit it out.'' 
 
 `` y-your'' 
 
 She was pointing at his lamp and yabbering rubbish. He'd had enough of the gibbering fool of a woman. 
 
 `` Ok I promise I wo n't hurt you and we can forget everything that just happened. All you have to do is repeat these words after me. I wish-'' 
 
 `` I wish'' 
 
 `` I weren't-'' 
 
 `` I were n't'' 
 
 And with a sudden snap of his fingers the woman never existed. That would teach them for bothering his 1000 year slumber in such a rude manner. He got rid of every trace of the offending brown liquid and returned to his lamp. 
 
 *** 
 
 Brian walked into his kitchen to grab his dinner. Funny that, he was sure he did n't have a clue how to cook a beef joint before, but there it was waiting for him. He was deaf as a post and forgetting so many things these days. Still he'd come to terms with it. After all, there's no escaping old age. 
 
 He grabbed a knife and fork from the cutlery draw and sat down to start eating 
 
 Was n't bad if he said so himself. Bit dry though.
