[ WP ] But I thought you said that an apple a day would keep the doctors away

*CONK* 
 
 The small Indian woman in a lab coat dropped. Jeff cackled. The Aim had been perfect. 
 
 `` MAYBE YOU SHOULD N'T HAVE TOUCHED THE TREE, EVE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE LEFT APPLE KIND ALOOOONE'' 
 
 Another doctor, Caucasian this time, turned the corner and was met with the full weight of 1/3 of a pound of natures unadulterated fury. Jeff snickered and ducked behind the counter for more ammunition. 
 
 His voice cracked, barely holding back laughter. `` THESE ARE THE FRUIT OF YOUR LABOR'' 
 
 `` HOSPITAL SECURITY, WE HAVE A CODE 3, JEFF IS FUCKING THROWING APPLES AGAIN'' 
 
 A hospital bed appeared at the end of the hallway, a simple but effective version of a shield. Last time, this had stopped Jeff, but presently he had come prepared. 
 
 `` Hey, do you live in Minnesota?' 
 
 `` Jeff for fucks sake you're 45, what're you talking about?'' 
 
 `` HOW'S LIFE IN MINI-APPLE-ES?'' 
 
 Dozens of thuds echoed throughout the ward as he emptied his bag of the small fruit onto the floor. The upturned bed ceased it's forward charge as the menacing wave of rotund death caught in it's cheap plastic wheels. Unfortunately for Henry, he did not have wheels and therefore did not stop when the bed did. The metal underside of the bed reverberated with a loud clang as it interacted with Henry's skull. Another, softer sound as his soft chest hit the floor was barely audible. 
 
 Jeff knew he had little time before the organized resistance of Hospital security. He hugged his apples tight and prepared for the final encounter. The sound of voices from around the corner signaled his last stand. 
 
 `` God, I'm not sure if the physical damage is actually worse than the puns.'' 
 
 `` Also, why apples? We have plenty of bananas n' shit in the cafeteria. Where does he even get them?'' 
 
 The Guards turned the corner, tazers drawn and searching for the fruit fugitive, and encountered a voice originating in the emplacement he had constructed. 
 
 `` YOU DESERVE YOUR PUN-ISHMENT'' 
 
 You could hear the pain in their groans as they crept forward, past the air duct in the ceiling, and into the emplacement. They did not notice Jeff r-appleing down, nor did they notice his ever so quiet footsteps behind him. They never noticed a thing, save for the flash of sensation and white light as the 20 pound sack of apples knocked their skulls together. The final vestige of conciousness was a cruel, cruel whisper accompanied by bits of apple sauce flying from Jeff's mouth as he uttered 5 words. 
 
 `` *How did you like them*'' 
 
 A guard utilized the last of his strength in a futile exercise, spat back a phrase. 
 
 `` Like what?'' 
 
 The resounding cacophony of insanity that was the following words seemed to blot out the fluorescent lights above. 
 
 `` THEM APPLES!'' 
 
 The men blacked out, on their way to a better place. Or just a less insane one. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 ******* 
 First time writing in quite a bit, so I'm rather rusty. I would appreciate any and all comments, and thank you for reading! 

