[ WP ] You have been abducted by aliens . However , Galactic Police has arrested your abductors and are charging them with `` sentience abuse . ''

When I woke up in back of the Galactic Police's space cruiser wrapped in the alien equivalent of a shock-blanket, I was definitely confused. Surprisingly comfortable, but confused nonetheless. Only when I looked out the window and saw an what most certainly was an astrologist's wet dream did the gravity of the situation hit me and I began to panic. `` What the hell?! Where the hell? WHY THE HELL? WHO THE-'' 
 
 `` Terran, if you would please calm down, everything will be explained.'' A giant whale-like thing in a uniform blubbered at me. My first undignified thought upon seeing this weird creature was `` OH MY GOD GANTU IS REAL. If Stitch pops up outta nowhere Jerry owes me ten bucks.'' Another alien, a rhino-dog hybrid cocked its head to the side. `` I know not of this'Gantu' you are referring to, nor what a'stitch' is beyond a knitting term on your planet, but why would an implement used to repair a Gnorgas owe you some form of currency?'' My head began to hurt and I sputtered pathetically, not sure how to reply or even speak to these beings. The whale did an equivalent of an eye-roll. `` My partner is still a bit clueless when it comes to Terran culture, so please excuse him. We are officers of the Galactic Police, sector THX1138, Cygnus Mu system. You have just been rescued from an intergalactic drug-trafficking ring suspected of abducting sentients and using them as emotional conduits.'' I shook my head still not understanding. The alien sighed. `` To them, you're a Glade plug-in that produces emotion instead of artificial odor.'' That I somewhat understood. What I did n't understand was how Mr. Gantu knew what a Glade Plug-in was, not to mention how I could make out what they were saying. Deciding to ask an intelligent question, I said in a slightly less hysterical tone, `` Um, pardon me but how is it I can understand you? And how do you know of... Terran culture?'' 
 
 The rhino-dog let out a sniffling roar. `` We are wearing translating devices and so are you. As far as your culture, Ayrdez went to your planet on holiday last cycle. Said he quite enjoyed something called'pizza', but abhorred'sushi'.'' I tried not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Regaining what was left of my composure, I took a deep breath. `` So... what now? Are you going to drop me back off on Earth? I swear I wo n't tell anyone about this! Not even my cat and I tell that little fucker everything!'' The aliens looked at me like I was the strange one. `` On the contrary Terran, we want you tell everyone about this experience. In galactic court after a health inspection and memory restoration, that is.'' I sunk back into my seat and sighed. `` God I hate Mondays. Tell me do Galactic police officers have something called doughnuts? I could really use one right now.'' 
 

