[ WP ] You are a dark , brooding 90s style anti hero . But much to your annoyance , the setting , other characters , and plot are as campy as the 60s batman show .

The ropes that bound my hands were loose, tied by an incapable henchman. I'd be able to shed them in a few minutes. 
 
 `` Haha!'' A green, spandex suited moron wearing plastic leaves glued to his shoulder pranced in front of me, close enough to strangle if my hands were free. `` The mighty Night Ranger, captured in a moment of weakness.'' 
 
 `` I'm real sorry, Ranger!'' The boy tied up next to me blinks his ridiculous doe eyes and pouts. He keeps showing up, every goddamn day, trying to be my sidekick. `` I'll make it up to you, I swear! No more mistakes!'' 
 
 `` I'm afraid you wo n't have time for that, little bird.'' More cackling. The ropes shifted a bit, and I was one step closer to rearranging that idiot's facial structure. `` You see, the Plantmancer has other plans for the both of you.'' 
 
 I perked my head up, eyeing the green buffoon. His beady eyes twinkled as he waved at a vat of green ooze, a pulley system dangling over the top. 
 
 `` The boy first!'' He clapped his hands together, a wide, flourescent yellow smile spreading over his stupid face. 
 
 Of course, the boy first. Idiots. Always giving me more time. The ropes were finally exactly where I wanted them, but I relaxed and watched the show. His two bumbling henchmen somehow managed to get the boy and the chair both hooked up over the vat, although at points both of them nearly lost their balance and fell into the green goo. 
 
 `` You ca n't do this! Ranger, help me!'' The boy squirmed, causing the whole contraption to shift down a little, towards the vat. 
 
 My name is n't Night Ranger. I do n't have a fucking name. I beat muggers, thieves and rapists half to death ( sometimes the whole damn way, depending ) with my bare hands, and I wear a suit so no one guesses my identity. Or to scare the shit out of them. I do n't bother telling him that. I have a thousand times. 
 
 `` Well, Night Ranger?'' The yellow little smirk makes its way over to my chair. He leans in, his fake plastic ivy brushing my shoulder. `` Is n't this delightful? Your protege is about to become one of my very own Plant Monsters. He'll be unstoppable!'' 
 
 `` He's better off as a ficus.'' I growled, a slight smirk of my own forming. The Plantmancer starts to say something, but I insert my forehead into his gross teeth. He stumbles back, spraying teeth and blood, trying to signal his henchmen. 
 
 I ca n't stand whatever has gotten into the organized crime in this city lately, but it sure as hell made ass kicking a lot easier. This dumb fuck had two henchmen with no guns and a vat of green goo. In moments they were all sprawled out on the floor, legs and arms and teeth and skulls broken. 
 
 I turned my attention to the now silent boy slowly spinning over the vat. 
 
 `` G-get me down?'' 
 
 This is n't the first time he's seen me bust heads. Seems to scare him a little every time. It's fucking tiring. 
 
 `` Sure.'' With a quick flick of my wrist, I hit the release on the pulley. 
 
 The screaming idiot falls straight into the goo. 
 
 Glub glub. 
 
 After a few seconds, I sigh. I walk over to the the side of the industrial tub and start reeling him in with the rope. 
 
 When he can breathe again, he starts crying. 
 
 `` Calm the fuck down. That's plant food and pudding mix. And please, do n't come back tomorrow.'' 
 
 I leave him covered in goo and tied to the chair, laying sideways on the warehouse floor. This fucking city. 
 

