[ WP ] An inept group of elderly mall-walkers have no idea that they are marching side by side with the zombie apocalypse .

A harsh suckle infiltrated Orville's bramble-like ear hair. He noticed Harold's mouth hanging off his arm. 
 
 `` What's that? EHHH!'' Orville smacked the top of Harold's head. Harold's feeble jaw released as he stumbled about a foot backwards. Like a rusted spring, Harold's octogenarian legs diverted his body back at Orville. Harold slowly raised both hands and moaned at his target through his dentureless mouth. Orville confused the moans as a retaliatory scream. 
 
 Harold sluggishly made a gravity-assisted lunge at Orville. Thinking on his spry, 86 year old feet, he planted his stance and lifted up his cane, redirecting his zombified friend. Harold tumbled to the ground at a falling balloons pace, landing squarely on his leg. It was his ~~bad~~ worse leg, and after the collision Harold futilely tried to get up. 
 
 Orville stared, his mind attempting to catch up with the incredible pace of the past two actions. Meanwhile, Harold gummed at the jogging pants armor on Orville's leg. 
 
 Orville's senile appraisal of the situation came back empty. As he usually did when he found himself in these frequent moments of disorientation, he tried to avoid potentially having to answer any questions by ignoring the whole thing and changing the subject. 
 
 `` Quitting being a goof Harold! We have to make it to The JC Penny by 9:05! Their coupons for this month expire today, so we need to be the first customers to beat the check-out lineups!'' 
 
 Harold was unable to get up, but his undead gums continued to suck Orville's pants like a clogged vacuum. Orville pulled his leg away and Harold moaned an elderly, raspy grumble. 
 
 The garage entrance to the mall and the side staff entrance were already open, but all the stores remained locked with their cage and plexi-glass security doors. Attracted by Harold's undead groans, two employees of a nearby clothing store stumbled in the wails direction with their zombie gaits. The first bounced off the display window, setting off a domino-chain of falling mannequins which created an audibly offensive percussion orchestra that echoed throughout the empty mall, attracting more creatures. 
 
 Out of a nearby washroom came squeaked a mop bucket being pushed by a one-armed pale custodian who had vomit dripping down his mouth and shirt. Close behind was a girl in a hotdog stand uniform, chewing on the custodians severed arm. From the direction Orville and Harold had been walking, a mall security guard was riding in an topless golf cart, but it ’ s rubber tire gripped the wall, riding it all the way past Orville and Harold. 
 
 Orville looked around. “ Harold, look at this. Now all these snot-nose kids are tinkerin ’ in our buisness. You ’ re 80! You don ’ t need a damn nurse yet! Get up, you baby! ” He turned to the custodian. “ Don ’ t need no help thanks! l All Fine! Tying his shoe! ^Don ’ t embarass us Harold! ” 
 
 As the hot-dog girl and custodian staggered closer and Harold incessantly groaned on the floor Orville began to notice that they weren ’ t coming to help Harold, but were coming straight for himself. 
 
 “ Hey! He ’ s the one attacked me! He ’ s half-Jap, and I have them veterans reflexes. ” Orville clenched his cane as the two got closer. 
 
 At that moment the security guards buggy hit a sharp corner, which reoriented him in Orvilles direction. Orville saw the guard approaching, and he stepped to the side and he wound up his cane in anticipation. Nine heart-racing seconds later the vehicle was within cane ’ s length and Orville swung at the passing guard. The guard fell off the back, but Orville hooked the steering wheel with the handle of his cane! It pulled Orville a few inches where he tripped over the ground-flailing Harold and landed miraculously into the drivers position of the vehicle. 
 
 Orville ’ s mind hadn ’ t caught up to his reflexive instincts and he tried piecing the previous few moments together as he coasted down the mall. 
 
 “ What was I doi… Oh yeah. The JC Penny. ” Orville checked his watch, 9:02. 
 
 *Harold will just have to meet me there, * Orville thought to himself. 
 
 The front doors of the mall unlocked automatically at 9AM, letting in a sea of zombie shoppers. Orville drove the car down the mall, rolling over the undead shoppers as he advanced towards his destination. 
 
 “ Use a sidewalk, hippies! ”
