[ WP ] HR departments across the nation start being literal when they `` terminate '' an employee .

A soft knock tapped on the outside of my office door. 
 
 `` Yep, come in.'' One of the pleats my blouse refused to stay flat and it bugged me. As a caretaker of employees and one who upholds the humanitarian laws of this country -- *and company* -- I needed to be on my absolute best. *And presenting picture perfect was a necessary trick of the trade. * 
 
 My office door crept open with a sighed creak at the hinges, and in walked my HR nightmare. 
 
 `` Please, come in. Sit, sit.'' I smiled the fakest, warmhearted smile that I practiced for years, and gestured toward the deep-set office chair in front of my desk. `` And please, shut the door behind you, yes?'' 
 
 
 `` Oops! And, lock it. Thank you.'' I giggled like a clumsy blonde to make him comfortable -- which *always* worked -- and he locked the door. 
 
 My antique, red oak door shut with a quiet click, and he seated himself in front of my desk. 
 
 All of the classified and well documented paperwork on this employee was sprawled out my corner shape desk. I slid my thick framed glasses down the bridge of my nose and shot a seductive glance over the top of the frame. 
 
 `` So, Mr-'' 
 
 `` Call me B-rad.'' 
 
 His voice was scrawny and prepubescent, and he clearly had a thing for the African American community. The boy's skin was pasty white and he had dirty blond hair. He wore a tan visor upside down and backwards on his head which was accompanied by a sweat outfit that I could n't differentiate between olive-green and gold. 
 
 `` Is it alright if I call you, *Mr.* B-rad?'' I tussled my hair and swayed it side to side like I was in a shampoo commercial. The reason why I do this and douse my hair in sweet scented perfume -- *tactical advantage. * 
 
 `` Y- Y- Yes, mam-'' *B-rad puffed out his chest, cleared his throat and deepened his voice. * `` -I mean, *fosho! *'' 
 
 With my glasses no longer on my face and my soon to be ex-employee in front of me, I placed one of the temples in between my teeth and let out a whispered moan -- *tactical advantage number two*. 
 
 B-rad crossed his legs and placed a pillow in his lap. 
 
 `` So, *Mr.* B-rad.'' I giggled. `` You're here today because of an incident that has happened not once, but numerous times. 
 
 I lifted the paper that had his write reports stapled on the front. 
 
 `` Yeh, but it's true. I do n't take back my love for beautiful, thick women.'' 
 
 `` You called the female workers on the assembly line *'fine ass bitches'*. You do know you ca n't do that, right?'' 
 
 `` Yeah...'' B-rad slouched forward in his seat. I'm sorry...'' 
 
 `` No excuses, Mr. B-rad.'' I slid a paper with a brick wall of size two font text to B-rad, and scribbled a makeshift signature space at the bottom. `` Please sign, there. This relinquishes us as your employer, and terminates your employment with the company.'' 
 
 He uncapped the cheap, flimsy pen and began to sign his name. 
 
 I stretched out a small piece of scotch tape, and taped down the annoying pleat on my blouse. 
 
 `` Finished?'' 
 
 `` Yeah...'' 
 
 I pulled open my desk drawer, reached in and pulled out my compact pistol. 
 
 He winced in his chair with this admirable, goofy look on his face, and said, `` Do n't be hatin!'' 
 
 I fired a few rounds into his face and hit the speakerphone button on my office phone. 
 
 A voice crackled out loud, `` Hola?'' 
 
 `` Yes, hola. Juanita? Can you send the cleaning crew up here to dispose of some waste? Yeah- No- No. Yes. Thank you.'' I placed my pistol back into my drawer and hung up the line. `` Filthy immigrants.'' 
 
 * * * 
 
 ^^/r/EdeneRenellaJones
