[ WP ] Due to a misunderstanding the hero arrives at the tower , defeats the princess , and marries the dragon .

`` I beg your pardon. You- how- I- What?!'' 
 
 `` Yes. It's very clear here. Get to the Tower Dreadful, kill the Princess Nona, and marry the dragon Bogreh.'' 
 
 `` You're bluffing. Surely you ca n't be serious. Why would King Ptumer want his daughter killed and the dragon married?'' 
 
 `` Hey, listen John of Nach, I do n't ask questions. I just work here.'' 
 
 I listen to Undoc, barkeep, describe the contract in depth as my heart slowly sinks. I've been staying here hoping to get a job to pay for my dangerously high tab I'd accumulated. I'm, ah, between courts, and was looking for a fresh start. 
 
 So imagine my surprise when the only job in the surrounding area, and the only way to pay back the barkeep for his generosity, is given by an obviously poorly humoured king who really does n't like his daughter. 
 
 Well, as my ancestors say: win some, lose some, run from what you can. 
 
 I stock up on a couple provisions, oil up my glaive, and head northwest from the Town Oynew. A couple days later, and only one poor choice in leaves, I arrive in one piece at the Tower Dreadful. I can hear the active volcano, roiling and noxious, as I attempt to cross the precariously positioned bridge. I pull out my knives, and advance cautiously. 
 
 A common misconception is that everyone uses swords for everything. They're expensive, and I'm not about all that `` honor and death''. So in a given situation, why use a sword and bravado, when I can use knives and some careful stepping. 
 
 I listen to the area around me, and as I approach the Tower, I hear something I rather did n't expect: laughter. 
 
 Two distinct voices, laughing and playing and joking. One was small, feminine, and bright. The other was deep, husky, and undoubtedly feminine as well. I continue sneaking into this Tower, and descend the flight of stairs to a platform. It's the landing below me that I finally feast my eyes upon this wonderful image. 
 
 An entire throne room, full of gold, silver, gems, beer, whiskey, wine, oil, and incense. Which is amazing in and of itself, but the real center of attention was the scene in the very middle of this all: a girl about the age of 17 summers, and another woman, who looked to be in her upper 30s. I draw a bit closer, and hear their conversation... 
 
 The older woman gazed upon the younger, and said, `` oh Nona, you've truly grown into a beautiful woman, and I'm proud of the knowledge you've gained in your short time here. I hope you know that my doors, no matter how burnt, are always open to you.'' 
 
 Nona replies, `` Thank you for your generous offer of hospitality and teachings, but I've been gone for quite a while, and my father is most assuredly looking for me. When do you think I should go, Madam Bogreh?'' 
 
 The lady that was referred to as Bogreh looked up at this strange contraption, which seemed to be run by water, and was continuously clicking. A series of placards displayed numbers of some sort, and if I'm remembering correctly, it was just past supper. `` Oh, my dear, but it is late. You should hurry!'' The woman turned and looked directly at me and said, `` Excuse me, John? Would you guide my dear guest back to her home? Her father the King Ptumer gets rather upset when she's late.'' 
 
 It should be noted that I am looking at both of them, jaw slacked, arms hanging, knives dragging on the ground, and totally outside of any cover. I gather myself together, and then my training kicks in. `` I can not do that! I am on a mission from King Ptumer himself. I am to travel to the Tower Dreadful, Kill the Princess Nona, and marry the dragon Bogreh. So, ah, I would be wrong to offer safe passage to her, because I have to kill her.'' 
 
 Bogreh rolled her eyes. `` No wonder you're so confused! This is n't your Tower Dreadful! This is Tower Awful, totally separate and on the other side of the volcano. There's an identical set of dragon and princess pair on their side too. We get this all the time. Just go ahead and climb the volcano, and take your time getting to the other side.'' She laughed, and continued, `` The King just gives poor directions. It's just on the other side.'' 
 
 Properly confused, I stand stock still, and start putting everything together. In my mind, I start making a list: 
 
 1. I think I'll invest in a compass. 
 2. Why are there identical sets of princess/dragon couples? 
 3. How are there two towers, both of negative adjectives, on either side of a volcano? 
 4. How does a regular woman have so much gold and wealth? 
 
 I shake my head to clear it, and say, `` I am not so simple as to believe your story, Madam Bogreh. I know you're a dragon, and that Princess Nona must be killed, and I must marry you after I kill her.'' 
 
 Bogreh, pauses, and starts laughing. Laughing, laughing, laughing, as she starts to transform. Her voice changes, as it turns from laughter to cackle, and from cackle to roars. Her body doubles, triples, and multiplies tenfold as she becomes her true self. Her draconian wings spread out as she rears her head and roars out of the top of her Tower. A giant amber beast, scales shining so bright it's blinding, and her roar making my bladder loose itself. She brings her serpentine head down to me, and my mind reverberates with her telepathic voice. I sink to my knees, as my head pounds with wave upon wave of unbearable pain. The voice is saying something, but my mind can not understand it all. The pain, the heat, the terror, it all becomes simply too much. I black out, as I pray for it all to be over. 
 
 I did n't expect to wake up. I'd never felt so much pain, and the dreams I'd had etched themselves into my mind, seared there forevermore. 
 
 I come to, and open my eyes. It's a bright room, curtains cover the windows, and I'm laying on a bed, which feels like how clouds should. I sit up, and the dragon/woman Bogreh is standing there, looking at me. I had n't had the time to actually look at her, and observe. She truly was beautiful, as if the gods themselves had decided to take a personal hand in the molding of this creature. She smiled, and my heart skipped a beat. `` It's been so long since he sent someone for me. I knew he loved me.'' She murmured, as a perfect green eye overflowed, and tears ran down an already wet face. 
 
 Now, I've never claimed to be a smart fellow, nor would I ever lie and say I was, but all this was a bit too much for me to handle, much less comprehend. I blurt out the first thing that comes to me, `` What?!'' 
 
 Bogreh stops, and hastily wipes her face of the tears. `` Oh good! You're awake! Oh, there's not much time, and you must hurry! You ca n't miss the wedding!'' 
 
 `` Now hold on,'' I manage to say, as she's lifting me to my feet with frightening ease, `` wait, hold on, let's sort all this out. What is going on?'' 
 
 She smiles, and starts explaining everything from the very beginning. 
 
 `` A man came from a distant land, with the clothes on his back, the weapons in his hand, and a name that no one knew. Thus his adventures started when he met a barkeep, named Undoc...''
