[ CW ] Write a story about a parent teaching their kid ( s ) about sex , but the parent can only speak in metaphors and similes .

`` dad what's sex?'' 
 
 *sigh* 
 
 I suppose it's time. It been long enough, he's like 10 right that's about time. But how do you tell a kid how to procreate when he does n't even know what circumcision is? You get dolls right? And show the kid how to do it with toys? That's sound good, descriptive and such. But what if he starts doing it at school with his toys? No no that would be bad. But how do I just explain it to him? I can just get mom to do a show and tell explanation. Should I explain foreplay? It's certainly early for that right? Do I need to warn him about periods? Wait no he's the son he does n't need to worry. But maybe I should tell him anyway for the future. But periods are scary I do n't want to scare him. But how I do I explain a vagina? I hardly know what I vagina does. It bleeds, it pees, it farts, it even poops. babies. I just put my dick into it whenever it asks me to. A strange organ the vagina is. And then it hit me, METAPHORS. it was then I learned I was n't good at metaphors. 
 
 `` Ok son, first things first, you know how you have a penis? Well girls have them too, but different. They're called pussies. Pussies are just reverse penises. Their's goes in them, and so you stick your penis into their penis- er I mean pussy. And I do n't mean pussy cat I mean reverse penis. er- Dammit er- dangit I mean pussy. No it's not a pussy that's wrong it's called a vagina really.'' 
 
....... Well, hopefully they'll straighten out all the details I missed in health class. 

