[ WP ] The devil has been put on trial for crimes against humanity , and you have just been appointed his advocate ...

Continuation of [ this story ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/5w0yzo/comment/de6lev5? st=J08C1EJQ & sh=108aa80b ). 
 
 -- - 
 
 As one would expect of Hell, screams echoed down the corridors of the central palace. However, these screams were less the frightened or pained result of torture and edged more towards giving Lucifer a tongue lashing. Steve waved his hands emphatically, `` I am not and will not be going anywhere like this!'' He forgot to cling to the doorframe and his hooves slipped on the tiles, sending him onto his back. 
 
 The breath was knocked out of him with a *whumph*, and he stared at the ceiling trying to regain his breathing before he panicked. Lucifer clicked his tongue in disapproval, wings rustling as they stretched. `` You really must learn how to walk on tiled floors, Mr. Harbinger.'' He leaned down to help Steve up, but the grounded man swatted the hand away. Steve barely repressed the sudden urge to bite his client. 
 
 He stayed horizontal, but tilted his head to glare. `` Mr. Morningstar, you will put me right back in my mortal body before I have a chance to learn how to walk on tiles with *hooves*,'' he kicked a leg uselessly. 
 
 Lucifer met Steve's look with calm impassiveness. `` If you want your immortal soul burned up the moment we enter the court of heaven, sure, I can do that. However, you are my lawyer, Mr. Harbinger, and I would rather you not cease to exist before the trial even begins,'' his voice was dry with only an edge of menacing. `` Besides,'' he added, `` the little sheep look is cute. I'm sure it will woo the judges.'' He quirked a smile that made Steve's face burn. 
 
 Even after days of being on the receiving end of it, Steve was n't sure if the devil was using some kind of magic or was just genuinely attractive. He tried not to think too hard where either of those answers put his sexuality. His newly minted *ex*-girlfriend certainly had a lot to say about it when she found out who he was representing. As well as some other things. 
 
 Steve held his hands up in silent surrender and Lucifer brought him back to his shaky feet, gripping his wrists maybe just a tad too long. `` Where *is* my body?'' 
 
 Lucifer shrugged. `` In a coma on Earth. I hope you have health insurance,'' he made it sound like it was an inconsequential issue. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, then brushed his new curls out of his face. He awkwardly felt along the curling ram horns again, remembering they existed. At least he did n't need glasses like this. 
 
 `` This is a really unnecessary distraction in the middle of learning heaven's laws,'' it was a weak complaint, but Steve did n't want Lucifer to feel like he could just do whatever he wanted with no consequences. That was the sort of behavior he was trying to convince a panel of angels that the literal devil did n't engage in. 
 
 Lucifer shrugged again and silently held out an elbow. `` You'll have to learn how to carry yourself like a demon before we go to court. I thought you might as well start learning. We only have a week, Mr. Harbinger,'' he sighed. Steve grasped onto the offered elbow as he slipped across the tiles towards the thankfully carpeted library. He was able to mostly stand on his own here and Lucifer withdrew his arm. 
 
 Steve all but collapsed into a cozy armchair and picked up the tome he'd set aside the night before. It simply laid out how the court operated. It allowed surprise witnesses and evidence from the prosecution, as well as a few other issues. The burden of innocence was on the defense, instead of the burden of guilt being on the prosecutor. 
 
 It was all written in legalese and latin, which made it an absolute joy to read. Especially with an extremely bored and distracting devil impatiently waiting for any questions. His argument still rested upon the fact that Lucifer rarely tempted others to sin himself, and those temptations were more issues of another party volunteering to commit a sin rather than suggestion. 
 
 Even in heaven, giving money to someone doing something sinful, did n't actually appear to be a sin if that person was going to do it anyway. Every case of funding had been late in the game. Lucifer seemed to be as hyper-aware of heaven's laws as Steve was becoming. 
 
 Still, it was boring and tedious work. Steve caught himself distractedly staring at Lucifer after a couple of hours of reading. 
 
 Steve's phone flashed with a call. He did n't question how he still had great reception. It was John, his liaison on Earth who kept in contact with Heaven's legal team. He answered it immediately, glad for the break, `` John.'' 
 
 He heard wind and traffic in the background under the sound of a siren. `` Steve, can you talk now?'' His voice sounded urgent. 
 
 Steve marked his place in the book and set it aside. `` Go ahead, what's up?'' 
 
 `` Are you sitting down?'' 
 
 `` John, get on with it,'' he complained. 
 
 `` Heaven's team called me at the same time as the hospital. It's uhm? Well, you were delivered by demons in a coma, which they said was normal, but uhm,'' John trailed off. Steve waited for him to continue. `` Steve, they're calling Stella as a witness.'' 
 
 Steve blinked slowly, trying to process why they were calling his ex-girlfriend in. John sighed and he heard the anxiety there. `` Steve, I do n't know how to tell you this, but uh,'' he paused, `` Steve, Stella broke in the hospital and murdered you this morning. She's claiming the devil made her do it. This is the weirdest fucking conversation I've ever had.'' Silence. `` Steve?'' 
 
 He had dropped the phone somewhere in his shock. Steve turned wide eyes on Lucifer, who stirred from his nap. `` What is it?'' 
 
 `` Stella, she -- I'm dead?'' His voice sounded unreal, with an edge of hysteria. 
 
 Lucifer blinked lazily and waved a hand. `` Oh,'' he sighed, `` that.'' 
 
 Steve laughed nervously and heard John's voice from the floor, `` Steve?'' He ran a hand through his curls. 
 
 `` I'm dead?'' He repeated. Lucifer sighed and stood up. 
 
 `` Yes, heaven's making an exception since you were still alive when you started representing me. A demon informed me before you woke up, time moves a little faster here although I've slowed it down considerably for the trial. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you. You're still my lawyer, but it's probably better this way,'' he grabbed Steve's face and turned it this way and that. `` You'll make a good demon when this is over.'' 
 
 Steve was still staring straight ahead, unseeing, as if he did n't notice Lucifer. `` I'm dead?'' 
 
 Lucifer rolled his eyes and slapped Steve hard enough to split his brow where a ring connected. He surfaced out of his panicked shut down into real panic, gripping the sides of the chair tightly. `` I ca n't --'' he turned his bewilderment on Lucifer, `` did you --?'' 
 
 The other man moved Steve's hand and then perched on the arm of the chair. `` No, I did n't. She decided this all on her own and blames me for her faults. Like most humans,'' his voice sounded weary, but Steve was still too involved in getting over his own death to care.
