You 're the only one who can make her laugh . [ WP ]

I smiled at her and she smiled in return - it was as if hit by a bright sun, a joy unbridled and kept so long in some dark dungeon of her mind. Whatever reason for her reluctance, I cherished the moment. 
 
 `` You're funny, David.'' 
 
 She said with a wink and looked away. It might've been because she regretted admitting that as it might inflate my ego even further or just the embarrassment over her smile. Such a wonderful smile. 
 
 `` I try to. Mostly I fall flat but sometimes I find a great audience. Too bad there were n't a hundred of you here in this room, I could've made a living being a stand up comedian.'' 
 
 Admittedly, not my best. Not that it matter, it was n't rehearsed lines to provoke a laugh or much of an effort in it at all. In fact the effortlessness of it made it what it was: A natural conversation of smiles and laughs. Of good times and great company. 
 
 `` Oh I'm not sure I'd appreciate the competition then. I'm more than exhausted by one of me.'' 
 
 She smiled again, even though the sentiment was n't exactly cheerful. 
 
 `` Well I'm happy enough with the fact that there's one of you. One of a kind, as they say.'' I said and mustered a smirk. The environment was getting heavy, a nagging feeling lingered unto my chest. 
 
 `` Oh boo. Now you're dangerously close to cheesy territory, David.'' 
 
 `` Hey! That's a part of my french heritage, Kari! Do n't you dare discriminate against my frenchness!'' 
 
 She laughed, free of condescension or pity - genuine and true, a great sun-bright smile followed and she shook her head a bit as if she could n't believe the nonsense I'd say, but she could believe that she loved every word of it. 
 
 `` You're such a silly billy. But at least you're *my* sexy and oh-so silly billy.'' 
 
 `` I've never been accused of being a sexy goat before. My, is n't this day turning out exciting!'' 
 
 Another laugh, this time a bit too much of the good as she descended into a coughing fit - a few at first and then a frenzy. I instinctively held her hand as the coughing slowly subsided. I reached out for the glass of water and handed it over to her. Gratefully she accepted and took a mouthful before I sat it next to the counter where she was laying. 
 
 `` It seems laughter might not be the best medicine after all.'' I replied, trying to ignore the coughing entirely and crack another joke. 
 
 There was a half-smile in return, an attached worry and sadness that'd come up that I felt it pierce my own heart. I felt an idiot for trying to wave it off, I felt like a scumbag for not saying anything else - something even a propos. As my mind beat itself for all sorts of reasons the silence started to become uncomfortable. Kari must have noticed that and she broke it with still that feeble smile on her. 
 
 `` I know, David.'' 
 
 My mind stopped, as if crashed into a wall. I could n't even reply, but managed just about to look into her beautiful eyes. 
 
 `` The doctor told me all, David. I know.'' 
 
 I wanted to yell, to cry out and shake her as she lied there on the hospital bed with that silly little smile on her as if trying to convince me that everything was perfectly alright. But I could n't. I could only sob out a weak question that'd been burning on my mind since I came visiting. 
 
 `` Why... why did you do it?'' 
 
 Her smile turned a different hue, a shade more of sadness and a new twist to it... almost pity, almost regret. She broke her gaze to look at her own motionless body below. 
 
 `` I was n't happy.'' 
 
 `` That is *not* an explanation, I *refuse* to believe that was why. We always laughed and had fun, did n't we? I can remember at least on ten occasions where you'd laugh at some of my lame-ass jokes or gags the day before you... before you came here.'' 
 
 The smile was gone entirely now. The same blank gaze on her when I entered this depressing-looking room. Her eyes were transfixed on something not important and she took her time finding an answer to my somewhat impassioned retort. 
 
 `` You... you make me laugh. You make me happy. *Yes*. And I love you for it, I do - you have to realize that *I do*. But I... I could n't just be better with a few laughs. Whenever I was at work, at home, before sleeping, before waking up, whenever you were n't there to make some little joke to turn it away... I was n't happy.'' 
 
 I did n't know what to say, as for the first time I realized I could n't know how she felt. Tears ran down her cheeks as they'd already begun running down mine and I wanted to desperately hug her but my mind was so confused that I could n't do more than shake my head as I sat next to her. 
 
 `` You could have told me.'' I replied, slowly, and almost immediately for some reason regretting it. 
 
 She nodded and for the first time in what seemed like a hell of a longer time than a few minutes she looked back into my eyes and nodded, stifling a sob. 
 
 `` I should have. But I felt ashamed... I do n't know... I felt like if I told you, you'd... look at me differently.'' 
 
 I paused, blinking my tears away and fixed my gaze on her. 
 
 `` What... that I'd suddenly think you were a lizard person for having sad feelings?'' 
 
 The laughter was spontaneous, it was wonderful, a blessed reprise and I did n't even have the time to reflect on how badly timed and god-awful the remark was. 
 
 `` *No*.'' Kari said and attempted a smile, it became slightly more than a quarter of it. `` Just... I wish I could show you everything that was going on in my brain. Every neuron or pulse, thought or memory, emotion and... well, everything. Just to explain to you how I felt, how I feel. How I am.'' 
 
 She went through another coughing fit, another sip of water offered then she added. `` And what you are to me.'' 
 
 I nodded a bit and smiled. I was so tired though and mixed with guilt for feeling tired. Here I was sitting and mostly just listening to her and for some reason that made me exhausted. Another uncomfortable silence grew around us and then I stood up. 
 
 `` I'm sorry, I... I just need to go to the bathroom.'' I excused myself. 
 
 `` No, that's ok. Go, you'll stay for a bit more wont you?'' she asked back and our eyes briefly looked back at each other. 
 
 `` Yeah, of course! I'll probably stay a 30 minutes or so before heading back to work. If that's okay?'' 
 
 `` No that's fine. Thank you.'' 
 
 There was a strange feeling of heading outside her room, the busy crowd of doctors, nurses and others walking through the corridors. I felt like it'd be a perfect time to find some succinct or poignant pearl of wisdom to reflect on but both my mind and body was too tired to really care. I just wanted the short break and then head back, and if possible make her laugh. It was odd, despite what she'd just said or maybe then *because* of it - I wanted her to laugh. I wanted her to be happy, not just a fleeting moment but see the joys that I could see, feel what I could. To be happy. So I decided to really bring my a-level jokes to the table. 
 
 I went out of the bathroom and headed through the same probably-poignant corridor when I saw a crowd of nurses and a doctor rushing into the room where Kari was. There seemed to be some alarm in their faces and my first instinct was to run over and demand to know what was going on. 
 
 Instead I sat down on the bench closest to me and tried to remember her laugh. 
 
 Her laughter made me happy.
