[ PI ] The Girl in the Whale - FirstChapter - 3605 Words

I enjoyed this - you did a great job of depicting the romance of a first time in Paris. Maybe you'll never see the person again, maybe you will, but it's a wonderful feeling to be abroad and intoxicated with a fling. 
 
 I would caution that you sometimes tend to tell rather than show. An example - `` Juan had a way about him that was determined to find the good and the interesting in everybody he met.'' This is telling us how Juan is - give us an action to show it, and then do n't tell the reader about the quality, let them arrive at the conclusion themselves. 
 
 But you also have some quality writing here as well. I really enjoyed this passage: 
 
 > When I look back on this event in my life or try to share it with others, it does n't sound particularly fantastic. Having sex in a hostel bathroom is n't a story anybody finds romantic, and in a way, it was n't romantic at all. It was fun. It was free. It was absurd. 
 
 This is an excellent description of how an experience can mean far more to the one telling the story than can ever be communicated. 
 
 Thank you for writing this.
