[ WP ] After dying , God asks you : `` So , how was heaven ? ''

I squinted at the brilliant whiteness that encompassed me. I spun in a circle, amazed at how this plane seemed to stretch forever in every direction. I clasped my hands together, excited at the journey that lay ahead of me. What possibilities could this place hold? 
 
 Pushing against the floor with my palm revealed that the floor held strange properties. Although my feet were planted firmly on the earth, my hand dipped into the solid ground and a milky white liquid dripped from my finger. 
 
 `` Damn, Ellie hooked me UP, this is some unreal shit!'' I was referring to the dope flowing through my veins; I had never imagined that heroine could be this amazing, this real. 
 
 I hear the splashing of water first, but the sound did n't seem to have source. It's like it's in my head. I look in every direction until I see what looks like someone canoeing away from me. 
 
 `` H-hey! Where are you going?'' The pilot looks over his shoulder, but he quickly loses interest in me as he turns his attention back toward the oncoming sea. I ca n't comprehend what the pilot looks like, it's like I ca n't concentrate when I focus on his features. I could n't tell you what color his hair was even if I wanted to. 
 
 But I needed to talk to him. It feels like the symptoms of withdrawal without him. I run. 
 
 `` Come on, slow down!'' He paddles forward. I'm a few feet from him now, and I give him a shove in hopes that he will notice me. Even though I physically make contact with him, it's like he does n't feel any impact, and he does n't even budge an inch. He just keeps on paddling. 
 
 `` Join me.'' He speaks for the first time, but it's almost like his voice has no gender, or both genders. His words reverberate through my entire body, and I shake violently with every word that he utters, like a lightning bolt was coursing through my body. I drop to my knees and my head feels like it's going to pop like a corn kernel. 
 
 `` This is unreal,'' is all I say as I pull myself up and lumber into the canoe. As I sit behind him, I pull my knees into my chest and wait for his invitation to conversation. 
 
 `` I do n't know if you'll get used to my voice, you're the first one here. I knew we'd meet eventually. Adam taught me how fallible humanity is, but I was hoping he was just a dud.'' I was thrown against the back of the canoe as I convulsed horribly. When he stopped talking, I wiped a trickle of blood that had pooled on my upper lip and began to offer my thoughts, but he cut me off before I could start. `` So, how was heaven?'' 
 
 I trembled so violently that I slammed my head against the side of the canoe, but pain did n't seem to register here. It was but a slight annoyance. `` What the hell are you talking about? Is this supposed to be some philosophical bullshit way to make me thankful for my life on Earth? Do n't make me laugh! If anything, this is heaven right here!'' 
 
 `` No, I have n't created this place yet. I did n't really think people would die in Heaven. But you're here, so it looks like humanity is worse than I expected...'' 
 
 The electricity shot through my body once again, but it was akin to snorting cocaine: you got used to the savage burning in your nostrils after a while. `` I must be pretty low if this is how I imagine God. What's the meaning of life, anyway?'' I had no idea when the trip would end, so I thought I'd milk it for what it's worth. 
 
 God spoke, but this time he had a completely feminine voice: `` Mr. Parris, stay with us!'' 
 
 `` W-what?'' 
 
 `` 1, 2, 3... We were able to establish a line!'' 
 
 This time, I'm thrown out of the boat the electricity is so severe. As I pick myself up, the reality around me begins to dissipate, replaced by white tiles and a monotonous beeping. 
 
 I open my eyes to find a cold defibrillator pressed against my chest as I am rushed down an unending white hall in a rolling bed. Several doctors and nurses push me forward into the dark.
