[ WP ] A 50 year old man makes a life decision with with the help and advice of himself at ages 10 , 25 , and 90 .

James splashed water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. His collar was popped, his hair stood out at odd angles, and his tie was hanging loosely over his shoulders. He had dark bags under his eyes, and every so often his vision would fuzz just the tiniest bit as a day's worth of lost sleep hit him in the back of the head. He was a mess, 
 
 He wondered what the hospital staff had thought of him when he had staggered in at 6am in this condition. But were else could he go? He could n't sleep, not at home. He had been driving in circles around town, trying to clear his head. He got as far as the park near their home where he had first proposed to her before he broke down in the middle of traffic. The following hours were no better. It hurt to think of her, what had happened to her, when he passed by the bowling alley, the pier, and even the goddamn supermarket. He had almost laughed when he'd realized that he was crying at a sign for a two-for-one deal. 
 
 He spit into the sink and splashed himself with water again, taking time to flatten down his hair. He strained his collar, brushed off his shirt and pants with his hand, but when he tried to tie his tie for some reason he could n't make the end of it fit through the damn loop. He threw it as hard as he could against a bathroom stall, only for it to hit the door with an unsatisfying plonk and slide to the floor. 
 
 An old man walked in at that point, pepper gray in hair, wearing formal wear. They shared a glance, only for James to break gaze and scoop up his tie before trying to make it out of there without making eye contact. The old man stopped him as he as he was passing. They shared another gaze this time. It lasted only a moment, but that was enough for James jump backward, colliding and collapsing against the bathroom wall. The old man walked on and did not look back. 
 
 `` How did you do it?'' 
 
 James had found his voice. Each syllable dropped with equal weight, as if not even James knew what he was saying. The old man stopped. 
 
 `` How could you? How did you do it? And how could you expect me to-'' 
 
 James dropped silent as the old man turned back to stare at him. Only a half-turn, but it was enough for them to make eye contact again. The old man eyes and shoulders were heavy, and seemed to draw the room down with them. This time the old man broke the gaze first, moving his eyes away for a moment. He opened his mouth and weighed his words, but no words came out. The old man returned to the gaze he had shared with James and remained there for a while. Finally, with all the bruised power of a ruined tower on a forgotten mountain, the old man shook his head and half-stumbled into a stall, locking the door behind him. 
 
 James picked himself up upon seeing that he was now, more or less, alone. He walked back over the mirror and brushed himself off, but it was n't even close to enough. He could n't go in there, not like this. He... should have some dignity when it comes to do it. Not for himself, but for her. Who she was, before this. He splashed himself in the face with more water, but he never felt clean enough. 
 
 `` Hey! Heeeeey James!'' 
 
 James turned to a younger man than him, perhaps half his age. He looked familiar. 
 
 `` So she's here, right? Can we see her?'' 
 
 James looked back at the mirror. He still was n't ready. `` No, not yet. It is n't time yet.'' 
 
 `` But she'll be fine right?'Cause we were thinking of going down the pier next week and-'' 
 
 `` And I know. I was there, twenty-five years ago.'' 
 
 `` Oh. So how was it?'' 
 
 `` Wonderful. No, everything was perfect.'' 
 
 `` She will be fine. Right?'' 
 
 `` No, no...'' 
 
 `` What do you mean,'no', we have our lives ahead of us, what, do you think-'' 
 
 `` No, this is n't right. You are what's not right here.'' 
 
 `` She'll get better. You know she will. She'll pull through.'' 
 
 `` IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS! OF MY LIFE! OF *HER* LIFE! I CA N'T! I *can't*. I ca n't keep lying to myself. About her. For her. 
 
 `` She deserves better.'' 
 
 `` I know she does. She deserved better than I could ever possibly give. She still does. And yes, it's unfair that I'm not going to give it to her BECAUSE I CA N'T! I JUST! CA N'T! I-I ca n't. There's nothing left. Of me. Of her, I... have to move on. For her. She would n't want me to destroy myself keeping her alive, the hope of her alive. Even if she... I have to accept that the woman I loved died three years ago. This is just-is just putting a close to all this... I'll have to send out invitations to her close family tomorrow. They'll want to see her body.'' 
 
 `` When my dad died, I thought the world was going to end. How could he just up and vanish like that? What about mom? And sis? And me? Is that how I'm going to die? Will I see it coming, or is my heart just going to give out one night? Do you think he knew? Did it hurt, and if so did it hurt for long? He did hurt a lot, later in life. He was never quite the same. Then just went to sleep one night and never woke up. The morgue came around and picked him up the next evening. I saw him, too. He looked just like he was sleeping, still. Mother was out on the porch and we shared a hug.'' 
 
 `` Did it hurt this badly? I do n't remember it hurting this badly.'' 
 
 `` The greater part of my dad left that night, I think. Who he was, his sense of humor, his awkward grace, his kindness. Of who he was, he just left us the body. I do n't think he meant to frighten us, or terrify us, or to make us sad. Just something we could touch and hold onto, even if just for a moment. For closure.'' 
 
 `` I do remember that.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, well, I should probably leave you alone now.'' 
 
 `` Yeah. I was good meeting you again. We should meet each other again sometime.. Sometimes... sometimes things get pretty hectic.'' 
 
 `` Do n't mention it. I ca n't stay long, so give her my regards, alright? For me?'' 
 
 `` Heh... I'll think about it.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, well. Seeya.'' 
 
 `` See you too.'' 
 
 The younger man that had been him waved goodbye and James, in turn, nodded back. He looked at himself in the mirror again. Did he always look so old? He touched his right temple where he had seen a liver spot on the older man and shook his head. For the last time he brushed himself off and cleaned himself up. He even got the danged tie on right without making a mess of it. Taking one last look at himself in the mirror, he closed his eyes and took a deep and slow breath. Once he had fully exhaled it, he turned and left the bathroom. 
 
 Just outside he almost fell over a small kid, maybe about ten. The kid was just standing there looking at him, with a little red, blue, and yellow plastic truck in his hands. He would've kept going, but something about the boy's constant stare put him ill-at-ease. 
 
 `` What?'' James said. 
 
 `` What were you fight about in there?'' responded the kid. 
 
 `` I. Was n't fighting. I was just talking things over with myself.'' 
 
 `` You sounded like you were fighting. That's what mom and dad sound like, sometimes.'' 
 
 `` I suppose I was fighting, then. Fighting myself. I've felt trapped for a very long time, and I worry that it might be making me do the right thing for the wrong reasons or the wrong thing for the right reasons.'' 
 
 `` Okay...'' 
 
 The kid made a move to enter the bathroom, but stopped immediately and started staring again. 
 
 `` What?'' James asked. 
 
 `` Why?'' the kid responded. 
 
 `` Why what?'' 
 
 `` Why were you fighting?'' 
 
 `` What do you mean?'' 
 
 `` Why do you fight?'' 
 
 `` Why do people fight?'' 
 
 `` I dunno. Maybe they want to hurt other people.'' 
 
 At this, James had to get down on one knee next to the kid. In the heat of the moment he opened his mouth and almost said something he knew he'd regret, but better judgement won out first. He closed his eyes for a moment, and opened them back up when had found the words. 
 
 `` I ca n't speak for everyone. There are people out there that truly and fully wish people, other people, ill and I ca n't speak for them. What I can tell you is that when you've grown to be about twice your age, you'll find a reason to fight too. Just as strongly as they do, if not moreso. When that happens, you hold on and you never let go.'' 
 
 `` Oh. What do you mean? What kind of thing will it be? Will I be on a quest or something like that?'' 
 
 At this, James had to chuckle. `` Yes, something like that.'' 
 
 `` What do you mean?'' 
 
 James scrunch the kids hair a little. `` You'll know when you're older.'' And with that, he got up on his feet and walked away. 
 
 `` If you did n't want to tell me you could've just said so...''
