[ WP ] 100 A.D : The Romans invent roller skates .

100 AD Rome, in the city of Italica. 
 
 The emperor is Trajan, the soldier-emperor who would lead the Empire to the greatest territorial conquest it had ever attained, and would never attain again. 
 
 Italica is full of soldiers, namely veterans, who have little to do but watch theatrical performances or lop each-others heads off in the Colosseum. 
 
 ___ 
 
 
 Balbinus was a scruffy lad who'd been found with his hands in rather too many pockets rather too many times. He was n't much to look at, stunted in height with an oversized head and limbs thin and gangly like dried branches. 
 
 He could slip between the bars of his cell actually, but it was pointless since a shackled door prevented him from running away regardless. 
 
 Balbinus was doomed to die. 
 
 He tried lifting up one of the swords in the corner, realizing it weighed more than him. The spears were n't much better. Apparently, these gladiators were n't much fond of daggers, which made sense, because when fighting off Lions and Bears, they may as well have been waving a banana. 
 
 Balbinus had something in common with Bananas. 
 Like a banana, he too was doomed to be eaten. 
 By a Lion. 
 
 He'd had a look at the beast, they'd forced him to look at it. 500 pounds of thick fur that could turn away a spear, drool that could melt the skin, jaws that could collapse and grind a rib cage, claws that could sever an arm from its socket. 
 
 The lion had rolled over playfully, his tongue lolling out at it batted around a human skull in the same way a kitten would bat around a ball of string. They called him Caesar. 
 
 Balbinus wondered briefly if he could convince the fat lion to play with him instead of immediately devouring him, and slip the dagger in when it was n't looking. 
 
 Sighing, Balbinus realized it was his only chance, he would have to make the gamble. He looked round for the standard netting gladiators used to trap beasts, and he proceeded to cut it up into a long rope. 
 
 Would it work? Zeus willing. 
 
 When Balbinus finally rolled up the rope into a giant ball of string he realized that the warden might never let him roll it out to the stage. More likely he would whip the boy and then send him out empty handed. 
 
 Balbinus imagined the ridiculous scenario, a ravenous beast chasing a giant ball of string, rolling round and round... struggling to keep up with it under the hot sun. It was stupid. 
 
 Struggling to keep up with it under the hot sun. 
 
 Balbinus rolled round in his sleep. The warden came round in the middle of the night and gave him a sound whipping, finally tying him to the corner so he would n't slip the bars again. 
 
 The warden never occasioned to look at the odd contraptions round the boys feet. 
 
 A few hundred had gathered for the days games, in the first game, a young thief would struggle to fight off the great Caesar. Odds were 1 to 500 against. A special guest was in the audience. 
 
 Balbinus tried to ignore the audience. As he moved out of the gate and into the well-paved arena, they jeered at him. The sweltering heat pressed down upon him immediately, and he thanked the gods fervently for the heat. 
 
 Someone shouted something, but Balbinus had gone all but deaf now, and the gate just opposite opened. Caesar strolled out quietly, gently, sticking up its nose and taking in the odor of the sweating audience, the blood of previous battles. 500 lbs of rippling muscles, Caesar made his way still slowly towards Balbinus, mouth hanging open letting a waterfall of saliva flow freely. The lion knew his prey had nowhere to run, still, the proud beast would put on a show. 
 
 Something very strange happened next, baffling the crowd. At first Balbinus was completely still, as if fear had overtaken his body and he could not move, but in the next moment he began to slide. 
 
 There was a hush, as they saw Balbinus simply slide several feet across the ground, as if it were simply ice, or as if he were wearing the winged boots of Hermes. Yes indeed, the clever thief Balbinus had screwed wheels into his shoes and was now trying very hard not to crash. 
 
 Caesar stamped his paws, stopped drooling for a moment and turned his head, his ears perking up. This confused him. He did not like being confused, and so he charged. 
 
 Now Lions are horrifically quick, and Caesar was no exception. They are all about the sprint, the dash, the quick strike of death. But you will not find any lions going about for a casual jog, and you would understand if you decided to go about jogging in a heavy fur coat at the height of summer. 
 
 Caesar was also a cat that had lived most his life in a cell, not wandering about, and never had to chase his prey. Most of his food came in a bowl anyway. 
 
 But Caesar was much, much faster than Balbinus on wheels. At forty miles per hour he could have easily caught him. 
 
 But Balbinus was wheeling around like a drunkard, unable to keep a straight line. The lion plummeted straight through, missing Balbinus narrowly as he swayed, and nearly knocked himself out against the wall. 
 
 The audience was beginning to catch on. They began to laugh and cheer for the spry thief. 
 
 Caesar found his paws again, shook his head, and set out on another headlong charge. Balbinus lurched accidentally, just in time to evade the lunge. This time the Lion lost a tooth and his nose was bleeding. 
 
 Thoroughly enraged the cat pursued Balbinus, who was ducking, weaving, and worried that one of the wheels was coming loose; until the fat beast could no longer move. 
 
 Caesar had been defeated, not by the little human, but by the blistering sun. He curled up into a little ball, paws covering its face, and went to sleep. 
 ___ 
 
 Italica is also hometown of Emperor Trajan, and he visited quite often. That day he thought he'd enjoy his breakfast more if he had something to watch. He wondered what was on... 
 
 He was disappointed to discover that they were just feeding old Caesar again. 
 
 He did n't pay much attention as he chewed on his olives and swigged away at his wine jug, instead he turned his thoughts to trying the solve the problems that came along with world conquest. 
 
 War, he knew very well, was won by the meek. He needed some new strategem, some tactic to throw off his enemies, a clever new weapon or device in order to expand the Roman's empire. 
 
 He nearly choked on an olive pit when he happened to notice the little thief sliding across the ground. Fortunately, he also began to laugh while he was choking which forced the pit back out again, where it flew into the ear of a nearby merchant. 
 ___________________________________________________________ 
 
 Hardened warriors wet their pants at the sight, woman swooned, crying babies shut the hell up. The roman armies, lead by the soldier-general Trajan, were the most fearsome force in the world. He would lead the empire to the height of territorial conquest. 
 
 A wave of a thousand men rolled out onto the battlefield, skating rapidly towards their enemies. 
 
 
 
 
 
 

