[ WP ] It 's becoming embarassingly apparent to everyone that you 've never actually killed a zombie before .

The bar is becoming packed, as it always does at night. For the three months I've been in this town, I have n't seen a night where the locals do n't flock to Christopher's Barrel and make a drunken mess of themselves. 
 
 Then again, how could they not? Pewta was the safest town in miles, thanks to its exclusive community of zombie-hunters. Everyone here, young or old, knew how to kill zombies. 
 
 The chimes at the door rings again as the door flies open. When I turn to look at it, I see that shit-eating grin again. Thomas. 
 
 Every town has its bum, and Pewta's was Thomas: fat, disgusting, and in-your-face. Universally disliked. Thomas hates me as much as I hate him. He thinks I lied about being part of the Manhattan Defense Force. I did n't lie. I was part of the Force. Just that I ran away the moment the firefight broke out. 
 
 What was I supposed to do? The State Department forced me and my death row friends at Sing Sing to join the Defense Force. Killing people is not the same as killing zombies. Zombie-hunters need to have a completely different mindset, which I do n't have. I do n't even watch zombie slash-gore flicks. Fuck zombies. 
 
 `` What's up, Ted?'' Thomas had cosied up to the countertop. 
 
 No point in talking. I slide a bottle of Jack Daniels across the counter and walk away to pretend to wash my hands. 
 
 `` Wow, so this is how Chris' employees treat their customers huh?'' says Thomas. After he realised that I was n't going to respond, he sidled off to a table near the television. 
 
 When you've spent 5 years in Sing Sing supermax, people like Thomas are jokes. I can kill him, but for now it's too much attention. I am a out-of-towner; laying low is the priority. When Pewta completely accepts me, I'll be able to deal with Thomas properly. 
 
 `` Everyone shut up!'' shouts a gruff voice from across the room. 
 
 Suddenly, the bar falls silent. Only the television speaks, and everyone watches it. The camera was zoomed in on the president's face. 
 
 ``... However, I'm pleased to share that the zombies have been contained in Iowa, and no other States were hit. We're working with...'' 
 
 What the fuck? They are trying to cover up the Manhattan invasion? 
 
 `` Whoa!'' Thomas exclaims while he springs up from his chair. He had everyone's attention, and he knew it. `` The president just said the zombies are only in Iowa. But little Ted here told us that he was part of some, er... what was that?'' Thomas snaps his fingers exaggeratedly. `` Manhattan Defense Force? Yeah, what's that supposed to mean?'' 
 
 An audible gasp comes from within the crowd, and a commotion begins to stir. They are whispering to one another. 
 
 `` Hey!'' I shout instinctively. `` This is obviously a government cover-up!'' 
 
 The whole bar regards me with suspicion. Shit. Shit. I tap my right trouser pocket just to make sure my.22 is still there. I might need it if things go badly here. 
 
 `` Ted, my man, just drop the act already,'' Thomas says with despicable showmanship, `` I knew something was off the moment I saw you!'' 
 
 `` Guys, the zombies were in Manhattan, I swear!'' 
 
 `` Tsk tsk tsk, Ted, Ted.'' Thomas sighs. `` Okay, folks, how about we give him a test? If he passes, he can stay and I'll shut up forever. If he fails, I'll do everyone a favor and take out this lying trash.'' 
 
 `` Fuck off, Thomas. I'm not taking some stupid test.'' 
 
 `` See? I was right. He does n't know shit about zombies.'' 
 
 This was it. I was n't going to watch this bastard destroy everything I built in the last three months. And I sure as hell was n't going to be kicked out of Pewta into zombieland. 
 
 `` Alright,'' I bellowed while walking towards Thomas. `` You guys want to see how I killed those zombies in Manhattan, huh?'' 
 
 Amidst the sea of voices, there were drunken choruses. *Yeah, Ted, * the crowd shouted, *show us. * 
 
 Thomas gives me the same shit-eating grin. I take a deep breath. Thomas smells like shit. He's going to smell worse soon. 
 
 The crowd is rowdy now, almost wild with delight. A man approaches me with a baseball bat in his hands. I look at him and hold my right hand up. 
 
 `` That's okay, I do n't need it.'' 
 
 The crowd cheers while I lower my hand into my trouser pocket. One more quick glance at the audience. All eyes are on me. Excellent. 
 
 `` Watch carefully!'' I announce. 
 
 Then, in one fluid motion, I grab the.22 from my pocket, cock it, and press it against Thomas' forehead. 
 
 *Bang. * 
 
 Blood splatters across my face as Thomas falls limp to the floor. The room is perfectly quiet and still. I gaze at his lifeless body laying before my feet. 
 
 *Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. * 
 
 The sound of death reverberates in the room. Crimson blood and grey matter flow from Thomas' head. Finally done with this fucker. 
 
 `` Any more questions?''
