[ WP ] Describe a day in the life of Dwight Schrute , in a world where everyone else is also Dwight Schrute .

Dwight arose from his bed. He walked down stairs, he made his breakfast, and he sat at the finely crafted wooden dinner table. At his right, a cup of coffee. At his left, the news paper. The crossword puzzle was particularly interesting. 
 
 `` Starts with L,'' was all that clue would give him. Twelve across was the slot. Ten letters was the length. Perplexion was Dwight's state of mind. 
 
 Rarely did he come across a clue so difficult to decipher yet so easy to comprehend. So many words began with `` L'' - land, leprechaun, lentil, language... 
 
 Loser, too. Oh, what a loser Dwight was, if he did consider it. He was the only one who considered this, though he did not believe this to be true. He believed that many found him to be a loser. So common was this thought that he sometimes found himself obsessed by it. 
 
 Oh, dear. He had done it again. A nice, simple morning had become a lament for his fears and pains. How stupid he had to be to do this to himself so often! 
 
 A distraction, that was what he needed. A fish, or a frog; a goblin shark, or an easy slog. Perhaps someone to talk to. 
 
 `` Dorothy!'' Dwight called, trying to grab the attention of his wife, who must have still been upstairs. 
 
 At that moment, an interdimensional traveller who had been surveying this planet realized that they observed a crazed man, for this lonesome individual, the only Dwight Schrute, and in fact the only being of any kind, on this strange planet of Earth, spoke to nothing but thin air. 
 
 *** 
 
 Disclaimer: The exact density of the air is not provided so as to avoid unnecessary debates over the application of a term used most generally in a relative sense. In this situation, it has been used as an idiom. Have mercy upon this writer.
