[ WP ] Write the most elaborate , over-dramatic , and exciting story you can think of that all just turns out to be a set-up for a pun so horrible I 'll want to punch you

So I'm walking through a field and a scarecrow says to me,'As a theist whose views beliefs are completely representative of all religious believers, I believe that atheism is untenable as a belief system not least because without the threat of hell, purgatory, or some other sort of supernatural naughty step, everyone would rape and murder each other.' 
 
 This struck me as an unusual thing for a scarecrow to say apropos of nothing. It's an unusual thing for anyone to say, being as it's demonstrably false, but it's an especially unusual thing for a scarecrow to say unprovoked. 
 
 But before I could respond, he was off again:'As a libertarian whose views and beliefs are totally representative of all free market advocates, I hate the poor. They're poor and I hate them. I like free markets specifically because they keep poor people poor and rich scarecrows rich. Fuck the poor.' 
 
 All right, so clearly this scarecrow has got something wrong with him. He ca n't actually believe this stuff, right? I mean, there's a certain amount of evidence to suggest that free markets make the poor significantly better off. But even if that were n't the case, a bizarre hatred of the poor certainly is n't the motivation for all libertarians. What can he possibly be going on about? 
 
 But before I can say anything, he's off once again:'As a feminist whose views and beliefs are totally representative of all people who believe that the sexes should be treated equally, I believe that all men should be killed. I, like all feminists, hate men. I think we should kill them all. We should round them up, castrate them, then kill them. Then make them our slaves. The door-holding, bill-paying bastards. And this is what all feminists, we who are united under a banner of equality, think. Men are awful.' 
 
 Frankly by this point I've had enough. I say to the scarecrow,'What on Earth are you talking about? There's no way you believe any of this. It's all bollocks.' 
 
 He says nothing. He just looks at me blankly. 
 
'And another thing, right,' I say.'All these groups you're talking about. They do n't think these things at all. You're wilfully misrepresenting them.' 
 
 And the scarecrow says,'Yes. I am a straw man.'
