[ WP ] Two dads get into a dad-off .

One day a dad walked by another dad's yard. Subconsciously territorial of his lawn, Dad farted. Dad 2 stopped in his tracks to swing his gut back around, having already passed Dad on the sidewalk. Dad 2 decided he was having none of that today. Dad 2 stared at Dad hard, trying to get a read on the situation. 
 
 Dad 2 planted his feet firmly on the sidewalk. In an attempt to gather himself, he took a slow, deep breath inward and closed his eyes, channeling the strength of his forefathers. When he opened his eyes he hit Dad with a mighty fart of his own, accompanied with the finger gun gesture. He Finger Gun Farted Dad. 
 
 Taken aback, Dad began to realize what was happening. This was n't just about his property, this was about making a stand for all things Dad. His legacy was at stake. He was rattled, but far from beaten. Dad looked within for some guidance, too, perhaps from his own Dads of past. Suddenly, he turned his rear towards Dad 2 and bent over. With a mighty rumble, he unleashed a Fart Bomb with his hands mimicking the explosion motion from his rectum. 
 
 Dad 2 felt power of this movement, there was no doubt about it. Both men were competitive by nature, but their primal brains were taking over at this point. 
 
 Dad 2 responded quickly with an Air Guitar Fart, ripping off a gnarly toot while strumming a power chord, similar to his tribal AC/DC rituals. 
 
 Dad responded in kind with Gatling Gun Tooties, even throwing in the `` et-et-et-et-et-et'' machine gun sound effects. His ancestors would be proud. 
 
 Back to Dad 2. Sumo Fart Stomps this time. Leg up, thigh slap, thunder fart foot down. A strong display of Dad'ism. 
 
 Dad's rebuttal was a unique move that would make even Serena Williams blush, the Overhead Fart Smash. Regardless of his inability to play tennis, the force was felt by Dad 2. 
 
 They continued like this for hours. Fart after glorious fart. Only since the bean surplus of 1963 had there been such an epic showing of Dadmanship. The Alabama Frisky, The Deadman's Last Will and Testament, The Squirtle... there was no move that would be off limits on this day. 
 
 But Dad 2 was running out of steam. Thinking on the fly was not one of his strong suits. He was desperate for some kind of retribution. But he simply did not have enough beer and brats at his friend T-Bone's house to muster the ammo. His mojo was failing him. Beleaguered, his next move would ultimately be his undoing. 
 
 He arched his back in an attempt to perform the Buffalo Blaster, a move perfected by his kinsmen in Upstate New York thousands of years ago. Wobbly in his approach, he took three hard steps forward and attempted to kick his what would be an uninspiring fart in the direction of Dad. But alas, Wide Right. 
 
 Dad had won. Victiorious, he gave a fist pump as if he had just won the Super Bowl, or his boss bought his `` I'm sick and ca n't come in today'' shtick. This was a win for the ages. 
 
 Dad 2 sighed, defeated. A sad day for his family indeed. Surely he would be shamed by having to take the girls to swim practice or rake leaves all day. No punishment could have been worse enough in his mind. 
 
 So is the saga of two dads and their heroic Dad-Off.
