[ WP ] An unknown billionaire wills that his funeral be a contest where the stranger who delivers the best eulogy inherits everything . You ’ re up .

I thought this was a stupid joke when I had first seen the add in the newspaper, and when I had shown up to this peculiar funeral, I still was n't sure what this was. A handful of people- no more than fifteen- had shown up with hopes of inheriting billions of dollars from delivering the beset eulogy. As I glanced around, I was n't exactly sure that the people that had accumulated could deliver a coherent speech, let alone pronounce the world `` eulogy'' correctly. 
 
 I watched as the first contestant, a woman who appeared to be somewhere in her mid forties, stumbled onto the small stage and rested herself behind the podium. She grinned at the crowd, proudly showing the six teeth that were still intact within her withering jaws. At least she was wearing something black; some of the men and women gathered were in streeth clothing. I felt somewhat overdressed wearing simple black slacks, grey shirt, and tie. I let my attention fix back onto the woman behind the podium, who still had n't said a word. She was wavering in her stance, holding onto the podium as if it were a life perserver and she drowning. She had opened her mouth the speak, but instead toppled over off the stage. 
 
 The man who had set up the queue sighed in annoyance, and quickly shuttled her into the back row of empty seats. He ran a hand through his quickly thining hair, and made his way to me. 
 
 `` You're up, Alex,'' he said, gesturing me towards the stage. 
 
 I got up onto the stage, and made eye contact with the crowd. I had n't really prepared anything for this; I had n't even known who this unknown billionare was. All I knew was that it was a male, and eccentric. I shrugged, and began to speak. What could go wrong? 
 
 `` Welcome, strangers, to the funeral of this man,'' I stole a look at the coffin, which was laying completely still. `` Today we are gathered here today to commemorate and, well, I guess to mourn this man in the coffin. I am sure we all wonder who the man in this coffin is, but to be honest, does that really matter? We are all here for one of two reasons- either we truly believed that this man would will billions of dollars to whoever delivered the least horrible eulogy, or we thought it was some sort of odd joke and came to see what it was. Either way, we really do n't know this man, do we? 
 
 `` I suppose if nobody but strangers came to his funeral, he must've been some sort of asshole. Or perhaps all of his friends and family have already passed on, and he was just lonely for his remaining years,'' I paused here. When I had first came to this funeral, I had been somewhat curious about it. But now I had an unsatiable desire to know who the man in the casket was. I hopped off the stage, and stood near the coffin. I put my hands on the lacquered wood, running my finger tips across the untouched surface. 
 
 `` This man, who has gathered us strangers, we owe something to him. For if I was n't here, I would again be wasting this perfectly good Saturday holed inside my apartment playing another five hour session of minecraft. I mean, I get some vitamin D today. So in a way, his death has expanded my lifespan. Vitamin D makes you live longer, right?'' I could feel the awkward expression from the crowd. There was probably no way my piss poor excuse for a eulogy would ever win. The woman before that had said literally nothing had at least captured some sort of excitement from the crowd when she had fell off the stage. I was just a babbling idiot. 
 
 Excitement. What could I do to excited the crowd? The bored expressions of small crowd gathered stared at me blankly. `` I, well, uh..'' I tried to scrape for words. But none came to me. 
 
 In a moment of desparation, I flung open the lid to the coffin. A small gasp escaped the crowd, everyone rose to their feet to peer in the casket. I finally looked down at the body for myself. Except when I looked down, there was no body. It was a few papers stacked on top of each other. I snatched the papers from their resting place, and read them intently. I read the words written on the various papers, and soaked up the information. 
 
 Oh fuck. Now I had to follow this stupid treasure map to get to the fortune.
