[ WP ] When everyone turns 18 , they receive a pet which is figurative of their personality . You 're the first person to receive a dragon ...

The single biological, maybe even ethereal fact that lurks around humans without explanation is that after living for exactly 18 years, from the moment a child appears from their mother's womb, an animal will appear and live with that human for the rest of their life. Nobody understands it. Making it especially odd is that the animals display personality traits similar to their owners, and a rare few have the ability to speak. These creatures have come to be known as'Godsent Guardians', as though they're rewards from some greater force for managing to, I do n't know, not die for 18 years? 
 
 A couple of my mates got together for one of our birthdays, I think it was Luke's, and our plan was to hang around with him all day, then mock the animal he'd get. Since he was tall and had a dodgy knee, we all assumed it would be some giraffe that awkwardly popped up in front of him and licked him. We were right on the four-legged bit: Bastard got a Wolf, and every time it looked at me, I was pretty sure that fucker was planning to kill me. 
 
 Next it was Steven. None of us could stop laughing when a fucking unicorn showed up, but I think we kind of had to when it decided to kick Rob in the stomach and bruise his entire abdomen for a few weeks. 
 
 Then, it came to me. 
 
 As a bunch of nerds and neckbeards, we'd all played our fair share of games and watched enough movies with dragons to know the iconic distant roaring sound when we heard it. So it was on my birthday, on a day trip to London's Trafalgar Square, that a huge fucking shadow went over the entire place, like a plane's silhouette blots the sun out sometimes. But this one was too quick, and just as people had turned to start getting away from the place, this mother-fucking **DRAGON** just slams down in the middle of the square like it's nobody's business. Glorious looking bastard: Grey scales, with red tipped patches in places, a badass set of teeth, horns, and spiny back that looked like it was covered in swords. And then, just as my friends and I were planning to leave, it spoke. 
 
 `` You.'' 
 
 I turned and looked at him. 
 
 `` What, this guy?'' I pointed to myself. 
 
 `` Yes. Step forward.'' I did so, quite carefully as well. There was a crowd gathered, and I could already hear sirens in the distance, so I did n't want to fuck up here and get someone, *or myself*, killed. 
 
 `` Have you come to kill me? If I die, then my Mum'll kill me.'' 
 
 `` No. My name is Brian of the Blessed, and I am here to look after you.'' Immediately, there was a HUGE wash of what was probably supposed to be people quietly whispering to each other simultaneously. 
 
 `` Me? Really?'' I asked. `` Bullshit.'' 
 
 `` It is n't. I was matched with your personality: Arrogant, aggressive, hot tempered, and a bit of a prick.'' 
 
 `` Oh, sweet, makes sense. But why a dragon?'' 
 
 `` Do n't know. Still, it's rather cool.'' 
 
 `` Fuck YEAH, it is.'' I could already feel the hundreds of gathered people with their lions, the people you originally were n't meant to mess with, already glaring daggers of envy at me, but fuck them. 
 
 I had a mother-fucking dragon, and his name was Brian Blessed. I was n't putting the'of the' bit in on any Census forms, it was just pure-as-fuck comedy gold. But I'd probably say my favourite part was where he mentioned I would n't be able to ride him without a saddle of some kind to protect me from his spiky back, so that culminated in a bus ride with Brian sitting on top of the bus, whilst I was bombarded with texts and messages telling me I was either a'lucky cunt','cheater','prophesised hero', or'a dead man if I did n't give someone the dragon'. 
 
 And some of the girls at my school at least took notice. 
 
 So, pro tip, boys: Dragons = Pussy.
