[ WP ] A supernatural-friendly speed dating service is hosting a singles night in town .

The man in the dress shirt and tie spoke up, but was drowned out by the din of conversation. He cleared his throat and spoke louder, to no result. Finally, Mona noticed him trying to get the group's attention, and let out an ear-piercing shriek, which brought the room to silence. 
 
 `` Yes, thank you,'' the man paused and looked at his clipboard, ``... Mona. Hopefully, a banshee cry does n't *have* to mean someone's dying tonight...'' 
 
 This was met with nervous laughter from the group. The man with the clipboard shuffled his notes for a moment and continued. 
 
 `` Hi,'' he said, `` My name is Jeremy, and I've organized this event. Thank you all for coming! This is a pretty good turnout! Now, for those who have n't been to one of our previous events, here's how we do things. If you're familiar with traditional speed dating events, there's generally a line of men and a line of women, and each line gradually moves along the other through the night, to ensure that each man meets each woman. 
 
 `` Well, we wo n't be doing that. Because of bi, trans, poly, asexual, ethereal, and... er... other orientations... we're making sure that everyone in this room meets with every *other* person in the room. I know this means that you might be paired with someone that's not your type, but if that's the case, just spend your five minutes in friendly conversation or, if you prefer, enjoying your meal. 
 
 `` Oh, and if you *do* like the person you met with, mark it off on your card. Pairings who both liked each other will be notified that they matched, just like Tinder does. Has anyone here used...?'' 
 
 Jeremy scanned the room, but was met only with blank stares. He sighed and pressed on. 
 
 `` Well, anyway, you'll have five minutes to get to know the person you're matched up with. At that time, we sound an alarm, like so,'' Jeremy pressed a board game electric buzzer and it made a loud buzzing noise, ``... at which time you'll mark your cards and move clockwise around the line of tables until you are across from the next person in line. When everyone's made a full rotation, you should have met with each other person in the room.'' 
 
 Jeremy looked for comprehension in their eyes. It... *seemed* like they understood. Well, they were as ready as they'd ever be. 
 
 `` I assume you've already been talking with the person you're sitting across from, so we'll start by having you move clockwise... now!'' and Jeremy pressed the buzzer, with the room gradually coming to a shuffle as everyone switched seats. 
 
 Upon finding their new seating, Jeremy watched to make sure everything was going smoothly. A murmur arose in the room again as everyone started talking to their new conversation partner. 
 
 `` No, I have n't touched a drop in years,'' a vampire reassured a young water nymph, `` I'm a level five vegan. I do n't eat anything that casts a shadow.'' 
 
 The water nymph briefly looked nervously over at the poltergeist farther down the table, clearly looking at the lack of a shadow. The vampire noticed, and protested nervously, `` No, no! It's a Simpsons joke! I do n't need to eat anything, actually. Do... do you watch the Simpsons?'' 
 
 Jeremy's eyes moved further down the table to a wizard, who currently had an Ajaba in hysterics. `` And then,'' he said, `` I put on my robe and wizard hat, and that really got her interested. I followed that by casting level three eroticism, and meditating to regenerate my mana...'' 
 
 Jeremy was impressed. You did n't usually see Ajaba outside of Africa. This *was* a good turnout. He continued looking over the room, making sure everything was going smoothly. He saw an old treeant sitting uncomfortably in a corner, just barely fitting in the diner's booth, as a Hine-kau-ataata floated in the shadows beneath him. 
 
 `` You remind me of a Tiki I once saw,'' she said, `` very strong. Chiseled... well, I say'chiseled', but'carved' is probably more appropriate. I notice you have some interesting carvings yourself...'' 
 
 `` Oh,'' the treeant responded, fidgeting with its branches, `` That's... um... actually, that's termites...'' 
 
 The shadowy woman laughed lightly, `` Oh, do n't worry. I ca n't catch any corporeal STDs. And as far as bug infestations, I once dated a boogeyman who was literally just a burlap sack full of bugs. You do n't faze me, honey'' 
 
 `` Oh my,'' the treeant said, surprised, `` I've heard those fellows can be unpleasant...'' 
 
 `` Ugh...'' the woman moaned, `` That's one thread I really do n't want to start tugging on tonight...'' 
 
 Jeremy looked at his watch and saw that five minutes had passed, so he pressed the buzzer. The group, noticing this, quickly finished their conversations, scratched down notes, and moved on to their next appointment. 
 
 A voodoo priestess and a Native American witch doctor sat down across the table from each other. Jeremy cringed, but he tried not to show it. `` Well,'' the woman said flatly, `` I see you've come crawling back here again. What's the matter, Love Potion Number Nine have a bit too much limp earthworm in it?'' 
 
 `` My potions are just *fine*,'' the man grumbled, `` and I notice your palm-reading has n't brought you any closer to finding true love either now, has it?'' 
 
 `` God dammit, Coyote Piss,'' the woman raised her voice, `` you know that's Gypsies. Besides, you ca n't read your own palm. Does n't work that way.'' 
 
 `` It's Coyote *River*, you old hag!'' the man shouted, `` At least I'm being civil here!'' 
 
 Jeremy was about to step in to tell them to behave, when the man saw him approach and nodded in understanding. 
 
 `` Look,'' the medicine man said to the woman in hushed tones, `` Let's just try to wait out our five minutes and move on, okay?'' 
 
 The woman hesitated for a moment, her eyes darting back and forth between Jeremy and Coyote. Finally, she opened her mouth to let out a quiet, `` I miss you...'' 
 
 Jeremy rolled his eyes and turned his attention elsewhere. A few Garou were apparently old friends and catching up on their pack's struggles, the vampire was now talking to a slime and apparently uncertain if he was even getting a result, and the harpy was eating her meal, apparently done with her conversation with the mummy. Jeremy checked his watch again, and then signaled another change in seating. 
 
 There was a knock at the door to the private room. Jeremy checked to make sure people were finding their new seats all right, and then went to the door. 
 
 `` I'm sorry, we've already started,'' Jeremy started to say, `` so we ca n't take any-'' 
 
 He paused as he saw the people at the door. They were all humanoid, wearing leather, and decked from head to toe in various weapons. 
 
 `` Oh, come on, guys,'' Jeremy's voice turned pleading, `` they're all just here to talk and maybe meet someone. They're not bothering anyone or causing any trouble...'' 
 
 As if on cue, a loud pounding sounded from the table as a golem thumped on it, his loud voice demanding a new drink. Jeremy cringed at this, but tried not to let it distract him too much. 
 
 `` Come on,'' Jeremy said, `` They do n't burst in when you're... I dunno, what do you Hunters do to meet people? Show off your weapons?'' 
 
 `` Get out of the way, human,'' the man at the lead said, `` that is an unholy horde festering in there and I will not allow it to live!'' 
 
 `` My name is Jeremy, Steve,'' Jeremy said, a bit offended, `` you know my name. We went to school together. I tutored you in arithromancy.'' 
 
 `` Whatever,'' Steve said, `` Jeremy, fine. Let me through. I gots me some killin' to do...'' 
 
 `` Steve, no,'' Jeremy stamped his foot, `` you're drunk. Go home and sleep it off before someone-'' 
 
 `` What the FUCK!?'' a loud voice suddenly proclaimed, `` Is that Steve? Is that fucking Steve? Does that asshole really have the nerve to show his ugly face *here*?'' 
 
 `` Oh no...'' Jeremy sighed. 
 
 A large gargoyle suddenly appeared in the doorway, his eyes glowing white and his teeth glistening. `` What the fuck are you doing here, Steve?'' 
 
 `` Um...'' Steve actually looked sheepish now, `` Well, me and the guys here, we were coming to... uh.... say hi. Uh... hi, Gary!'' 
 
 `` Hi, Gary?'' the gargoyle bristled, `` Hi, Gary? Do n't you fucking'hi, Gary' me. You chopped my wings off, you fucker!'' 
 
 The gargoyle pointed to his back, and Jeremy saw there were indeed two stumps where wings should have been. 
 
 `` Hey,'' Steve said, his tone defensive, `` You are a creature of the night, and as such it is my duty to challenge you in valiant battle!'' 
 
 `` Valiant battle!?'' Gary shouted out, `` You snuck up in the day while I was sleeping as a statue and knocked them off with a sledgehammer, you dick! What the fuck is wrong with you!?'' 
 
 A fire elemental appeared in the doorway behind Gary, `` Hey, these guys bothering you, Gary?'' it asked. 
 
 `` No,'' Gary said, firmly, `` They were just *leaving*. Is n't that right, *Steve*?'' 
 
 Steve stammered for a moment, `` Um... um, well... y-yes. Yeah. We were... uh... recon. This is recon. We're keeping an eye on you. So... do n't do any... monstery stuff. Okay? Or you'll get it!'' 
 
 Gary tensed as if to charge at them, and they bolted. Once gone, he turned to go back into the room, muttering, `` Asshole... it'll take me two centuries to grow those back...'' 
 
 Jeremy wiped the sweat from his brow, partly from the tense situation, and partly from the heat thrown off by the fire elemental, and then decided that it was probably best to have everyone switch seats again, so he hit the buzzer. 
 
 `` Okay, everyone, let's move on!''
