[ WP ] The god of rainbows is n't gay , and he 's really tired of people making assumptions .

“ Alright, alright, everyone please be seated. I had my PR team hold this press conference because there is something I need to discuss; something that has grown from an infrequent, casual misconception to a full blow, ridiculous assumption: just because I am the God of Rainbows doesn ’ t mean I ’ m gay. I mean don ’ t get me wrong, I love the fact that a whole sect of society has used me and my colors to establish independence in order to be accepted by society and I love the free fashion advice ( yes, this is a original Herman-Blatstone cashmere scarf ) you guys are sending me, but I don ’ t want people to get the wrong idea. I am in fact married to a lovely Rain Goddess who resides over the upper mid-west. Our 578 million year anniversary is coming up, and she is sick and tired of the other Gods and their wives criticizing me whenever I walk in wearing my rainbow sash of power. Even the homophobic leprechauns have stopped stealing my gold. I have been around for longer than I can remember, and no animal or creature of any sort has made this assumption till now. So please believe me, I am in no way associated with the rumors that have been made about me. In order to satisfy any questions you might have, I figured we can do a quick Q & A to help. I will now open the floor. ” 
 
 “ Carl Phillipson here from WNTD-channel 6 news, I have noticed that you own a Majestic, flying, bright pink and rainbow unicorn; why a unicorn as your animal representative ” 
 
 “ Well, in the past it was a very convenient way to spread rainbows around the world when I was busy filing my taxes or catching up on the walking dead. You see, unicorns have a mechanism built into them that turns their waste into rainbows, so I would just let a bunch of them loose and let them do the work for me. Unfortunately, ever since this rumor has surfaced, I have made an attempt to make the unicorns less sexually ambiguous. This resulted in the god of metal convincing me to rework their internal mechanisms to produce acid rain and fire, which has proven…ineffective. ” 
 
 “ Jane Waddlefin from spitfire magazine here. Curious as to if your biological first name may have contributed to the assumptions made about you… ” 
 
 “ ( sigh ) Look, Leslie is a guy name too, completely androgynous and in no way a representative of someone ’ s sexuality. Damn it. ” 
 
 “ Mike Franteen here representing HUNK quarterly. If you were so against this misrepresentation of you, why did you star in that famously banned, ‘ skittles: taste the rainbow ’ commercial? ” 
 
 “ THEY TOLD ME I COULD BE A STAR. I ’ ve been rainbow god for so long; I thought I ’ d give a shot at something else. ” 
 
 “ Daryl Chung from the Daily Bite reporting, what is your opinion of double rainbows? ” 
 
 “ Although I don ’ t feel like they should naturally occur, I do accept the fact that they exist. ” 
 
 “ Clay Akin here. So, were all those things you said last weekend in Cabo a lie?? ” 
 
 “ I uh... I…. ” 
 
 *rainbow smoke bomb follow by Leslie ’ s disappearance, Glitter everywhere, and ABBA background music* 

