[ CW ] Make me cry my eyes out in a single paragraph

Earlier today, I was standing at the cash register, minding my own business. When, all of the sudden, I look up and realize that there's a woman crying at the counter. So, naturally, I asked her what was the problem. She said that she just received news that someone had broken into her house and stolen everything of value, including her new diamond engagement ring. Apparently, her fiance had been acting strange recently, and she suspected he was in on the robbery, as he would n't answer his phone. I felt really bad, so I reassured her that it would be fine, and that I would help in any way I could. I asked her if she needed anything at the moment, and she hesitated a bit before leaning close and saying, `` Well, there is just one thing...'', to which I said, `` Anything.'' She then continued with, ``...... Imma need'bout tree fiddy.'' It was at this time that I realized that she was in fact about 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the Protozoic Era! I said, `` AH YOU LOCH NESS MONSTA TRYNNA TRICK ME AGAIN, I AI N'T GIVING YOU NO DAMN TREE FIDDY!!!''
