[ WP ] Leonardo DiCaprio in a fit of rage begins to torpedo his own career by deliberately acting poorly and taking on bad films . He finally wins an oscar for starring in Paul Blart : Mall Cop 3 .

“ Why? Every goddam role I ’ m in it ’ s like Hollywood is deaf in the eyes. ” DiCaprio ranted. 
 
 “ That ’ s called blindness. ” DiCaprio ’ s manager Don helpfully suggested. 
 
 “ I know what it ’ s called you moron. Fuck them. Fuck them all the ass. Hard. Without protection and when they are having a really shitty day. ” 
 
 “ Hey Leo, calm down. It ’ s not that bad. You ’ ve been in a lot of great movies with iconic roles. You can have your pick of any project you want. Other actors are scrambling around just to get a role in shit like this. ” Don waved the script for Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3. 
 
 DiCaprio squinted at the script. “ Give me that. ” 
 
 Snatching the paper out of Don ’ s hands, he started to read. A plan started to hatch in his head. Then suddenly he started laughing manically. Staring a Don with a crazy feverish look in his eyes he points at the script and says “ This! This will show them. I ’ ll show them what terrible acting is, then they will see my true genius. I ’ m going to pull a Nicolas Cage! ” 
 
 “ Wait! Leo, you can ’ t be serious. That would ruin your career. ” 
 
 “ No, call the director I ’ m taking the role. I ’ m going to make Ghost Dad look like a work of art! Then I ’ ll show them! ” 
 ________________________________________________________________ 
 Sitting next to Kevin James, Leonardo DiCaprio adjust uncomfortably in his seat as the nominees for best actor are read out. 
 
 “ And the award for best actor goes to….Leonardo DiCaprio. ” 
 
 The room goes deathly silent. No applause, just a sea of faces staring at Leonardo DiCaprio as he stares dumbly back. Kevin James starts to do a slow clap, as Leo gets up to take the long walk to the stage. No one else claps along and Kevin awkwardly stops. Leo ’ s feet unconsciously will themselves forward as the pure shock of the moment penetrates his entire being. Taking the Oscar from a stunned Kira Knightly, Leo moves to the microphone. 
 
 “ Did you even watch the film? ” Leo says. The audience laughs nervously in response. “ I mean seriously. The film is about mall cops. ” A pained look flashes across Kevin James ’ face. Suddenly it dawns on him. Nobody watched the filmed. How did he win then? While lost in thought, he inadvertently locks eyes on Nicolas Cage who stares back intensely then gives him a knowing grin. 

