[ WP ] The date is July 13 , 1836 . You 're the clerk at the front desk of the U.S. Patent Office on opening day . Things are going just fine until a number of strangely-dressed people get into an argument about their placement in line . Coincidentally , they 're all trying to patent methods of time travel .

Finally I've had enough and yell `` Stop.'' Like children, it only works if they actually believe you are going to hurt them. They stop. They stop instantly. I would have killed the next one to utter a peep. 
 
 I point to the shortest one. `` You. Get over here.'' They look like they are about to go off again, and I turn. They can see the murder in my eyes. The madness. It was the same madness I saw in my bosses eyes, the day he hired me and said I would be handling customers from now on. I now understood. 
 
 This was a young man's game. `` Before I issue any patents, I have to review them. Just because you all claim to have invented time travel does n't mean you invented the same type of time travel.'' They pause, almost reflective. 
 
 `` Alright then.'' I let the anger slide back, but I keep the stern face on, so they know there will be no further impropriety. 
 
 `` You, Mr. do you have your forms, and fees?'' I look at him. He shakes his head. Crestfallen. I hear several pops, and there are less people than there were before. `` I'll take it neither did they. You'd better get going. And use the damn door. I will shoot whoever comes in this building without doing so, understand?'' He nods. 
 
 I point at another person near the front. She is triumphantly grinning. I review the date of birth on the form. I know it's rude to ask a lady this, but I just point at it and say `` Miss, is this correct?'' She nods. 
 
 Raising my voice, so everyone can hear. `` Alright, for a bunch of time-travelers, I do need to point out something about US Patent law. It has an expiration date. If you were born more than 20 years from the opening of the US Patent offices original opening in 1790, traveled more than 20 years from the future to the new opening today, your patent will expire before you can use it. This patent will not exist in the past. This patent will be worthless in the future for you.'' Several loud pops. the lady was gone as well. 
 
 One last gentleman was standing there. He was small. Bearded. Wearing a badly fitted suit. Holding a book, forms, what appeared to be the filing fees, and a letter. He handed them all to me when I waved him to the front of the line. 
 
 The letter said'Please Read Me' in cursive on the front, so I did. 
 
 `` Dear Sir, 
 
 I apologize, but English is not my native language, and I imagined this would be the would the easiest was to communicate. Enclosed with in the book are the fundamental laws of time travel as I have come to understand them. 
 
 They have been refined over my life, and with the aid of others, who are listed in the last pages. We believe they are a product of nature, and mathematics, and therefore can not be patented in the traditional sense. Much like you can not patent a butterfly. 
 
 However, as a matter of due course, upon the opening of each new nations patent office, we deliver these concepts, for review and inclusion, as we believe it is necessary. 
 
 Included are the patent applications beginning with Venice, circa 1450, among other countries. Please note, we have requested that each application be denied, as it is our belief that time travel as a whole should never be patented. 
 
 Thank you for your consideration. 
 
 LDV'' 
 
 I took a few minutes to review the application. Everything was in order. I took a look at the book, and as stated, it was a mathematical concept, and hence a product of nature. 
 
 I smiled at the old man, stamped his form and returned his filing fee. The large red rejected covered most of the form, clear as day. He tipped his hat and began to walk away. 
 
 As he left, more people started to come in the door. The first rushed up and just asked me if it was too late. `` What does your patent entail?'' 
 
 She looked about quickly `` Shark repellent,'' she whispered. I started coughing so violently my boss came out of his office, and pounded me on the back. 
 
 
 
 
 

