[ WP ] Short story about an `` Accidental Sandwich ''

Do you know what a sandwich is? Sorry, dumb question, of course you do. Unless you were born and raised in Africa or something. And maybe they have sandwiches too. Like, maybe their sandwiches are made out of hyena meat or whatever. And sand. From the desert. Because it's sandy there. HAH! Maybe that's where the word sandwich comes from. I feel like a sandwich needs vegetables though. Maybe some cactus? Is there cactuses in Africa? Cacti? Cact..i... us... 
 
 Well anyway, so obviously you know what a sandwich is. So back to the story, I'm a relatively attractive man. I mean, you would n't say I was ugly I do n't think. Depends on your definition of ugly though I suppose. Like I do n't think Charlize Theron is that good looking. I mean, I'm not talking about `` Monster'' Charlize Theron, obviously she was no looker, but just regular Charlize Theron does nothing for me. Nothing. I guess I'm a tit man to be completely frank. 
 
 So anyway, I'm a reasonably attractive man. I get women when I want to get women. I usually have no issue picking up women at bars, or at school, or the grocery store, sometimes even at my little brother's ball games, or in my neighborhood, at stoplights, in church, at a funeral one time, at the gym, at the basketball court, at the indoor basketball court, at concerts, at the theater, in the mall, at Panera Bread, in parking lots, on the freeway, on ferry's, or even at parties. Actually parties are where I should focus this because that is actually where this took place. 
 
 So I was at this party, and I'll be honest, it was a sausage fest. Not like some sort of German food festival or something. Or even Oktoberfest. Either one of those would've been sweet. Nope, it was just a bunch of guys. And I'd been invited by my friend who's gay, so I felt bad not coming because I did n't hang out with him very much because I'm always afraid of people thinking I'm gay so I thought a party would be a great place to hang out because you know I could make it clear I was hitting on women and not men and so people could confirm their worries that I was n't gay you know but this kind of backfired on me in a way I'll explain in a minute. 
 
 So I should also say that it's not like my friend is incidentally gay. When I say `` My friend who is gay'' I do n't mean to imply that he's got more personality than that because he does n't. Gay is like, 300 % what he is and sometimes he's a guy who likes eating cold poptarts. That's it. Two things. That's his personality. When people call you `` Gay Ronny'', it's time to re-evaluate what you base your life around. I'm just saying. 
 
 So anyway, I'm at this party, and it's full of guys. All guys. And so I figure ah, maybe the girls are late or something but they are n't. Of course they are n't! So I start striking up conversations with these guys and they are a lot of fun. Well. They are as fun as guys can be I suppose. That sounded a little bit gay. Do I sound homophobic? 
 
 But anyway, we're talking, and I start drinking to prep for the ladies, but as they never came I just kept drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking. I think you maybe get the idea. 
 
 Long story short I woke up as the meat in a very accidental sandwich. A really gay sandwich.
