[ WP ] aliens invade earth but what the do n't realise is that humans have been fighting each other forever and have become very good at it .

“ Gloopbar, status report! ” 
 
 “ We ’ ve lost 12 Galactic Cruisers, 21 Arc Silos, 8 legions have Swarmers have disappeared, and out of the 10,000,000 ground troops we deployed last quartak, only 1,200,000 remain. ” 
 
 “ FRAK! FRAK! FRAK! How the FRAK did this plebeian race destroy our forces so easily? ” 
 
 “ Well sir, there- “ 
 
 “ Dahrok! Dahrok get in here now! ” 
 
 “ -with significantly more numbers and power-'' 
 
 “ Coming sir! ” 
 
 “ -than recorded, and after the battle at the planet ’ s northern pole, they gained access to one of our Arc Silos, which- “ 
 
 “ Here sir! ” 
 
 “ -caused more than- “ 
 
 “ Quiet Gloopbar! Dahrok, you are my top strategist. For the love of Empress Poo Nah ’ Ni, explain to me why we are losing this war? These creatures on Planet 8XB1 are on the verge of annihilating our war machine! ” 
 
 “ Well sir, *gulp* it appears that our last invading-scouting report was 14 muullens ago. From the data we collected, the creatures were only capable of using basic tools from the planet. They fought in small scuffles with primitive tactics. We calculated the probability of their advancement when they would pose a threat to our invasion, and there was 0.05 % chance that they would be anywhere close to a match for us. ” 
 
 “ Yes I remember the frakking report! A 0.05 % chance my krak! Where was the mis-calculation?!? ” 
 
 “ Well sir, with their level of intelligence, we predicted that they would coalesce into a collective organism, like their biology dictates, and they would live in a relative-cooperative peace. Instead, they fought more. And more. And more… ” 
 
 “ Are you telling me these plebeians fought every umu for every frakking muullen?! ” 
 
 “ Yes sir. Over the last 14 muullens, these creatures continued to fight amongst themselves. And they excelled in all areas of military warfare.'' 
 
 “ And why weren ’ t we able to get any new reports over those 14 muullens?! Why weren ’ t we informed of their progress?!? ” 
 
 “ We were—err we did sir. Yyitssen reported the world ’ s advancements as of 1 muullen ago. After all, there was so much data to collect and process when we reach the planetary system that- “ 
 
 “ And what was his report!? ” 
 
 “ Sorry sir, he reported that creatures would pose a challenge, but there was only a 5 % chance that they would be comparable to us.'' 
 
 “ Well they certainly shattered that 5 %! Even if they fought for every umu for every muullen, how is this still possible?!? Our military has never been defeated!'' 
 
 “ Sir our latest probes have finished analyzing data from the last muullen. Apparently these creatures have not only developed the ability to weaponize the environment ’ s elemental configuration, but they train their youngest with fighting simulations CONSTANTLY. ” 
 
 “ Yes Foyt, we ’ ve all seen what their bombs do! And their laser ships! And their gas attacks! The entire 1st, 2nd, and 3rd regiments saw what they can do!! And what the frak do you mean by fighting simulations?! ” 
 
 “ Well sir, apparently they ’ re more war hungry than we deduced. Over the last rkoouk, millions upon billions of these creates have trained on simulators where they fight each other and AI simulations. We ’ ve watched the unprecedented bouts of violence from several phenomenon they call ‘ games': ‘ Halo ’ ‘ Destiny ’ ‘ Warcraft ’ ‘ Flagship ’ ‘ Xenocide ’ and many many more. They've spent more collective huuuen on these'games' than they're entire species existence. In fact, their entire society seems focused on fighting themselves and others, like us. They have these ‘ movies ’ and ‘ shows ’ that depicting and glorify fighting. They have active areas on the planet where these creatures fight each, and other creatures in non-combat areas do nothing to stop it. In fact, they facilitate it. ” 
 
 “ … ” 
 
 “ And the worst part is that they only get better. It seems that over the past 14 muullens, other alien creatures have crashed landed or been captured by these creatures. And planet 8XB1 ’ s creatures excel at deconstructing their enemy ’ s technology and using it for their own means. ” 
 
 “ Are you saying that they ’ ve had help with their technological-military advancement? ” 
 
 “ I ’ m saying that right now, we are helping them with their technological-military advancement. Sir, its only a matter of huuuen before they deconstruct our war machine, find out planets, and well… ” 
 
 “ By Poo Nah-Ni ’ s tahs… ”
