[ WP ] `` What happens next ? '' `` I die ''

`` And then...'' Joseph's roommate, Mark, paused expectantly. Joseph did n't really care about, or even believe, what he was saying, but decided he may as well be polite. 
 
 He sighed a little, and said, `` What happens next?'' 
 
 `` I die.'' 
 
 `` You die? In the present tense? Now?'' 
 
 `` No, in the story I'm telling you about how I saved my dog from getting hit by a boat. This happened when I was, like, eight. Pay attention.'' 
 
 `` Then why did you say it like that?'' 
 
 `` God, you do n't have to be so overly critical of everything. I thought it sounded good.'' 
 
 `` Fine, whatever. If you died, how are you alive?'' 
 
 `` My heart was stopped for exactly ten minutes and seven seconds, but they managed to revive me.'' 
 
 `` How did they revive you after your heart was stopped for ten minutes?'' 
 
 `` I got a blood transfusion from my dear late mother's canary.'' 
 
 `` That's... not... that does n't even make sense. How would that even work?'' 
 
 `` God, Joseph, I'm not a doctor. I do n't know.'' 
 
 `` You told me yesterday you went to med school.'' 
 
 `` I told you yesterday I *flunked out* of med school, hence the'not' part, which you would know if you ever listened to me. You're so self absorbed.'' 
 
 `` But you said you made straight As and all the teachers loved you.'' 
 
 `` Well, you, quote,'had' to go–'' 
 
 `` I did have to go, I had class.'' 
 
 `` –and you never let me get to the part where I ran into a bad crowd. I was with a gang for a while, it was really badass but a dark time in my life.'' 
 
 `` I do n't think that happened.'' 
 
 `` I have a tattoo on my butt if you wan na see.'' 
 
 `` NO.''
