[ WP ] A really ridiculous doomsday scenario

The Ink Spot 
 
 `` Martha, you ’ d better have the data the guys in R & D crunched for me!'' 
 
 `` Of course, sir; I have them right here.'' 
 
 As the Commander accepted the papers from his colleague, he took one last look out of his office window at the screaming populace below. As much as he enjoyed watching the people go about their daily lives, they were much more enjoyable to watch before they were on fire. Several times in the past, he had successfully defended and protected these people from various adversities, and had received numerous commendation for doing so. This time would prove to be the exception and, predictably, would also be his last. 
 
 `` Martha,'' noted the Commander as he perused through the pages. `` I'm looking over these charts, and I'm afraid I do n't see where the problem is. The orbital atmospheric scrubbers appear to be working perfectly as intended.'' 
 
 `` Well, sir, that's just the problem. When the scrubbers were launched they were intended to mitigate climate change by converting greenhouse gasses into oxygen. Today, they still perform this job with the utmost efficiency.'' 
 
 Martha paused to compose herself before continuing. `` Unfortunately, the R & D team failed to properly factor in the human response to this project.'' 
 
 `` What exactly do you mean, Martha?'' the Commander asked, the fear and annoyance in his tone becoming more prominent. `` How could'human response' cause such a disaster of unparalleled scale?!'' 
 
 Martha attempted to explain as best she could, given her circumstances: `` Even though the scrubbers greatly reduced global temperature increases caused by climate change, heavy industries saw this as an excuse to increase their production, and thus their pollution, rather than working on ways to reduce the pollution their industries cause. This year, greenhouse gas emission levels were even higher than they were when the scrubbers were launched. The gasses are being converted by the scrubbers, and ironically, this means that oxygen levels in our atmosphere are now dangerously high.'' 
 
 Taking note of the sight outside the Commander ’ s window, she ended her exposition with a slight quip: `` I think by now you've probably figured out how flammable pure oxygen is.'' 
 
 `` I'm not interested in your jokes, Martha, I'm interested in knowing if there's any way we can stop this!'' the Commander bluntly insisted. 
 
 `` The scrubbers are positioned over several key population centers in geosynchronous orbit, and each one is powered by a self-sustaining onboard nuclear reactor designed to last at least a century. Even if we could somehow launch a rocket into orbit with enough people knowledgeable enough to disconnect the power source, they'd still have to do it at least 49 more times before oxygen levels drop below'Oh, the humanity!' amounts. Furthermore, by the R & D team ’ s calculations, the scrubbers would need to be deactivated within about… 10 minutes or so. ” 
 
 After Martha finished, the Commander ’ s look went from anxious trepidation to a kind of sobering tranquility. He finally understood the reason for Martha ’ s humor. Speaking softly, the Commander asked: “ I suppose it would be a stretch to ask the R & D department to rerun the numbers? ” 
 
 “ Normally I would honor your request, sir. However, based on my knowledge of the protection the R & D facilities have, the rest of the team have probably been reduced to pure carbon by now. ” 
 
 The Commander chuckled slightly at Martha ’ s last statement as he glanced out his window at the scenery unfolding around them. There was an odd, nihilistic sense of beauty to the cataclysm his people had wrought that was now consuming everything they had ever achieved. For the first and last time of his life, he was truly at peace. 
 
 “ Martha, I have one last request for you, if you would be so kind as to honor it. ” 
 
 “ What is it, sir? ” 
 
 “ Please go down to my quarters and retrieve my music player. There ’ s a song by The Ink Spots that would be perfect for this moment. ”
