[ EU ] If George R. R. Martin wrote Harry Potter

As Ginny mounted Ro... okay, okay, I'll take this seriously. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Inside the Gortwog pub, Glasgow's Wizard Quarter: 
 
 Dumbledore had a grim look on his face, as he spoke to Hagrid. 
 
 `` He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named is coming, Rubeus. Dark times will befall us, and only Harry Potter will save us.'' 
 
 `` Bollocks.'' 
 
 ``...'' 
 
 `` Sorry. But he's'bout 11, sir. And an orphan to boot. I do n't think them Dursleys are gon na train him up to be a warlock, sir. He'll be about the same level as every other bugger in a robe we get. Would that be enough to take on the Dark Arse?'' 
 
 `` Yes. We're entering a time of darkness, and you do n't need to be a Seer to understand the pattern. Darkness is coming, Hagrid. We must all gird our loins and prepare. Harry will be the catalyst, though, of course, we will do most of the work.'' 
 
 `` And the little lad will be taking all the credit for winning the war, I guess? Well, bugger me and call me a mushroom, I kind of feel sorry for the lad, what with the way things are what they are, y'know?'' 
 
 `` Yes... Heroes do tend to receive challenges from the foolhardy. But I trust he will endeavour to do his best, and endure the hardships to come.'' 
 
 `` Good. Now stop being so bloody gloomy and have a pint with yer pal Hagrid.''
