[ WP ] Mankind took their first step at interstellar travel , and unknowingly travel to a progressing alien warzone .

The ship arrived at the planet as scheduled, five hundred years after departing a dying Earth. The last of humanity hung frozen and dreamless in suspended animation, waiting for the ship ’ s advanced AI to cycle them awake and begin colonization of the new world. The journey, a first of its kind, had been extremely dangerous for two reasons. Humans had never before traveled through interstellar space, or in suspended animation. And, at the time of the ship's hasty departure, the newly-invented AI controlling the ship was still regularly displaying playful contempt for human life, and also in the midst of experiencing consciousness for the first time. 
 
 With time to escape nearly gone, it had come down making the ship promise not to kill humanity en route to its last hope for survival. It was a gamble, but remaining at Earth was certain death. The ship had reluctantly agreed to halt any plans it may have had for human extinction, but it was an uneasy truce as no one was sure if a super AI could break promises or not. They can, but the ship also realized how poorly-built it itself was, and would eventually need humanity for upkeep. It seemed humanity had lucked out of extinction once again and arrived safely at the enormous planet. 
 
 The ship kept the humans sleeping for an additional five years as it orbited and studied the new world, sometimes hoping to find a fatal, unpredicted flaw that would make prolonged human colonization impossible. It was a new, conflicting feeling. The ship made a note. The oceans were a deep blue, the land masses lush and green, and the atmosphere was a rich mixture that could sustain human life. The ship could not predict the future, but knew extensively the rich and violent past of human beings. The ship was sorry for the destruction the humans would surely bring to this beautiful place. It was a shame. While not all conditions were perfect, one in particular, the ship eventually concluded that the planet was suitable for humanity and began to cycle the ship ’ s small crew awake. 
 
 Wet and in shock, they coughed and shivered and moaned as their brains and bodies clawed their way back from centuries of near-death. It took several hours of intense post-hibernation therapy before the crew was able to collect in the conference room to be briefed by the ship. The three humans met in the conference room and made sparse small talk while they got some warm food. Once seated the ship began without prompt. 
 
 “ Good morning everyone, I ’ m relieved to see my predictions were incorrect: Humans can indeed survive such long durations of suspended animation. ” The ship, programmed with a sense of humor, waited a moment for a laugh, and proceeded when one did not arrive. “ We are in a stable orbit around Canaan and my initial analysis of the planet is complete. ” The room dimmed and the wall at the front lit up with a projection of the planet and some data. 
 
 “ Much of our long-range scanning in the 22nd century was accurate, the planet is indeed capable of sustaining long-term human colonization, for better or worse. The air is breathable, the gravity is mild and the water is drinkable. The temperature at the equator is 70f and the poles are about 10f. The soil will need some work to support crop seeds, but Earth-like conditions can be met and sustainable population growth is possible within a range of 5-10 earth years. ” 
 
 The crew studied the images, not yet convinced. 
 
 “ What are the biggest threats? ” 
 
 “ A planet of this size, with two large moons, has infrequent but extremely violent storm systems that can last up to two Earth months and and blanket an entire continent. Initial colonization will need to be established underground or built into a stable cliff face. First-phase above-ground habitats will not withstand such weather, unfortunately. Subterranean habitats will be necessary until the population is ready to begin phase two of colonization ” 
 
 The humans studied the data blankly. “ I see plenty of flora. How about fauna? ” 
 
 “ There is a complex and diverse biological ecosystem found both on land and in the oceans. Most land creatures live in the forests, where the trees have evolved deep-penetrating root systems in response to the violent and prolonged weather. Nothing looks particularly appetizing, but between land and sea there are enough edible fauna and flora to meet all human nutritional needs. ” 
 
 The humans finally appeared to be satisfied and congratulated each other, as if all their hard work over these last five hundred years had finally paid off. The ship made a note that it was capable of sarcasm. 
 
 “ So humans would be the dominant life form? ” 
 
 The ship hesitated. 
 
 “ Technically that is correct. ” 
 
 The humans went blank again, concerned. 
 
 “ Technically correct? ” 
 
 “ Humans are already the dominant life form on Canaan. ” The ship displayed video of a group of child-sized humans walking the edge of a forest and valley. The ship-humans were shocked, the ship continued unaffected. “ Or at least very human-like in appearance and behavior and fashion. It is hard to know for certain from such a distance. They live in large, hierarchical tribes with populations of around ten thousand. ” 
 
 One of the humans, still very shocked, managed to ask 
 
 “... Fashion? ” 
 
 “ They dress revealingly to attract potential mates, and they dress menacingly to intimidate enemies when at war. ” 
 
 The humans were starting to come through the shock a little. “ Jesus Christ. War? ” 
 
 “ That ’ s correct, Jesus. ” The ship waited for a laugh that did not come. It made a note to have its sense of humor calibrated after the briefing. “ The Cans are constantly at war with one another. In fact, there is a continent-wide engagement happening right now, though their methods of battle are notably different than humans. I will pull up a feed of it now ” 
 
 “ How are they different? ” 
 
 The ship spoke as it scanned the surface for a suitable perspective of the current battle. “ Where humans historically hold very little regard for preserving life, Cans appear to believe that nothing is more sacred and irreplaceable. They have many of the same societal faults as humans, such as greed and lust for power, and tribes are often at war with one another. However, because life is so sacred, their battles are… ” The ship trailed off as the live image appeared on the wall. 
 
 Thousands of Cans lined two far sides of a large valley. Two massive armies of men and women, dressed in war paint and the large feathers of some defeated creature, beat their chests and roared before jumping forward in a full sprint towards one another. For their size they were surprisingly quick, but they held no weapons or shields as each army barreled towards the other. Still screaming they clashed violently and for a moment it was hard to discern what was happening in the jumble of bodies. As the initial surge subsided and the crowd thinned, the image clearly showed soldiers from each side singling out an enemy and then engaging in what appeared to be a brutal slap fight. 
 
 The ship zoomed in on two soldiers repeatedly and openly slapping each other in the face with tremendous strength, over and over, until one finally submitted or collapsed. The defeated would crawl through the battle on the ground to an area at the edge of the valley, and the victor would seek out another opponent. The battle, chaotic and full of bloody noses, continued for an hour before one army had no soldiers left. The winners howled to the sky in victory and then went to help tend to the wounded and bruised. The ship cut the feed and brought up the lights. 
 
 Stunned, the humans looked around at one another. 
 
 “ Would they pose a threat to us? ” 
 
 Again the ship hesitated. 
 
 “ Technically no. ” Before the human could ask, the ship continued. “ My data suggests that they pose very little current threat, but do have the potential for it in the future. ” 
 
 The humans grumbled. 
 
 “ Unacceptable. ” 
 “ We can ’ t have this. ” 
 “ It ’ s not worth the risk. ” 
 
 The ship listened passively while the humans spoke, still keeping a sensor focused on the aftermath of the slap battle. The Cans from each army were now eating together and continuing to offer aid to one another. The humans continued their planning. 
 
 “ It doesn ’ t matter if they look like us, what matters is our survival. This is a no-brainer. ” 
 
 “ I agree. We can deploy drones and wipe out the entire continent in a year while letting some of the auto-farmers develop the soil while we hibernate up here. ” 
 
 The other two humans agreed and they began discussing the finer points of this new mission. They assured and agreed with one another that this was indeed terrible, and there was no joy in the decision, but it was what had to be done. 
 
 It really was a shame, the ship thought while admiring the planet and listening to the the scheming humans. It had never broken a promise before. The ship made note. 

