[ PI ] Connecting Collisions - FirstChapter - 2,699 Words

Hi! 
 
 I'm one of the people voting for your group. First off, congratulations on finishing the contest, and thank you for your submission! It was a very intriguing story. I enjoyed the use of futuristic technology and was able to clearly picture your story as I read, which is a huge plus. A few criticisms I would share, though, is that your sentences tend to be *very* long. You might be able to get a more natural feel to them if you shortened them a bit. Also, the transition from the first part into the second with combat ( Being vague to avoid spoilers ) was a little rocky, and some parts did n't seem to mesh well. But that's just my opinion, and please do n't let it discourage you from continuing this piece! All in all, a solid job, and best of luck in the contest!
