[ WP ] An Immortal is giving away their immortality . They decide to collect résumés and conduct interviews . The only applicants are weirdos and spoiled , entitled kids whose moms want them to get jobs .

*Yaaawn*. The sun was shining intensely through the window, right onto my face. 7 am. I do n't often sleep - no need - but I had to prepare myself for this colossal task, so I figured a few days of sleep would do the trick. 
 
 I set my kettle going before walking to the mailbox to see how many applicants I'd received these past few days. 
 
 It was packed. 
 
 *Oh boy*, I thought to myself, this is going to be *fun*. Grabbing them under my arm and taking them inside, I made my coffee, fed Buster, then sat at my desk, and shoved the letters with the ones I'd collected previously. 
 
 I slurped my coffee in preparation, then grabbed the letter on top of the pile. *31 Vic*t*or*i*a* ~~*S*t*re*t~~ *S*t*ree*t was scrawled across the front of the envelope. Seeing the lack of effort that had gone into writing it, I frowned and passed it aside with the idea to find one that looked at least professional. 
 
 I passed letter upon letter aside, all of them low quality or poorly spelt - the occasional bill mixed in here and there - Ah, there we go, this address was on a typed label. I opened the letter and began to read. 
 
 *'' Hey Mr. ~~Barnabee~~ Barnarby, * 
 
 *I heard you were looking for people to give you're ~~immer~~ ~~immur~~ living forever too, and I'd like to live forever. * 
 
 *Thank you, * 
 
 *Jeremy, Age 6. `` * 
 
 My immediate reaction was annoyance. This was meant to be an extremely serious endeavour where I was to decide who would take up my role as the sole immortal guardian of this world - and this `` Jeremy'' child had sent me a poorly worded letter with no contact details or anything! Kids these days... 
 
 Hm. Maybe I'd just been unlucky. Taking another gulp of coffee, I searched again for the next decent letter and pulled it out of its envelope. Aha! I found one. This one looked promising - high quality paper, with good ink and penmanship. 
 
 *'' Dear Mr. Barnaby, * 
 
 *I would strongly like to be considered for the role of immortal guardian; I believe that I am the perfect candidate to guard this earth for the rest of forever. I am handsome, strong, and I'm popular. I have many, MANY friends, and I have also recently acquired a new manservant, Percy, who would be able to assist me in watching over this world. * 
 
 *Please find attached my CV which lists all of my numerous achievements and my preferred method of contact for when you choose me. * 
 
 *Yours faithfully, * 
 
 *Luke Delverhill. `` * 
 
 I sighed - how arrogant can one person be? I finished my coffee and cast the letter aside into my newly created discard pile, which Buster immediately jumped onto and disrupted, purring furiously as he did so. 
 
 It was going to be a long, long day.
