[ WP ] You 're a rich , kindhearted , well meaning philanthropist with grand plans that will genuinely improve the world . However , you have all the mannerisms of a super villain . The costume , the monologues , the henchmen , the lair , etc .

The Green Cleaner stepped to the controls of his latest benevolent invention, the Deatomizer Ray. “ General Tidiness, come see my latest invention that will wrought havoc upon the pollution of the world! With but a flick of my hand I shall eradicate all excess greenhouse gases, lowering the temperature of the world back to normal and decreasing the acidification of the ocean. ” 
 
 General Tidiness admired the Deatomizer Ray. It ’ s cold metallic body created from thousands of melted down internal combustion engines, one of the enemies of a clean planet. The bulbous end of the Deatomizer Ray adorned with peace symbols reforged by cold welding, a cleaner and more efficient method of melting metals together. The control panel contained hundreds of surplus electronic parts pulled from landfills across the world. Pollution had given The Green Cleaner and his minions the very means by which it would be destroyed, an irony not lost on any of the do-gooders. 
 
 Near the control panel sat The Green Cleaner ’ s connection to the world, a microphone his father, The Climatologist, had used during his many years of fighting against chlorofluorocarbons, arch-nemesis of the Ozone Layer. While many would prefer a new microphone, The Green Cleaner did not see a reason to throw out a perfectly good microphone. If we all reused and repaired electronics and other goods we would have less waste, creating a cleaner planet for us all. 
 
 The Green Cleaner picked up the microphone and announced his plans to the world through his charity live stream. “ Attention citizens of Earth. I, The Green Cleaner, have a transparent and scientifically proven plan to rid the world of climate change once at for all. By this time tomorrow I will have activated by Deatomizer Ray and removed the scourge of excess greenhouse gasses. None shall be able to stop me. ” 
 
 What a hopeful sight he must be, dressed in reclaimed textiles created in a carbon neutral employee owned factory. His dark cape billowed behind him from the wind coming through open windows rather than air conditioning. The flowing robe, open in the bottom to allow cool air in, spilled across the floor like so much oil in the ocean. 
 
 “ As promised, until I set my plan into motion, all donations will be used for research into decreasing the need for rare earth metals in solar panels. ” The Green Cleaner snapped his fingers, bringing General Tidiness to attention. “ Until that time, General Tidiness and The Minions of Clean Living will be performing skits about the environment and doing speed runs of video games suggested by the top donators. ” 
 
 Meanwhile, on the other side of the country in his secret underground base, Joe Jenkins, CEO of PolluteCo, watched The Green Cleaner announce his plans to the world. 
 
 Joe pressed a button on his brand new communications system, one which he replaced every week when the old one needed new batteries. “ Jeeves, prepare the private jets. ” 
 
 You see, Joe Jenkins is no ordinary CEO. By day he fights against worker ’ s rights but by night he is Joe The Fabulous, hero of the powerful, scourge of the parasites that destroy the country by demanding free food and beds. He does this all for only infinite political power. A sacrifice, but one that must be made. 
 
 Joe the Fabulous and his sidekick, The Boy, rushed to their private jets, hoping to stop The Green Cleaner before he could put his plan in action. 
 
 Joe ’ s FabCommunicator crackled to life. “ Joe The Fabulous, this is The Boy, come in Joe The Fabulous. ” 
 
 “ This is Joe The Fabulous, I hear you loud and clear boy. ” 
 
 “ What ’ s the plan to stop The Green Cleaner? ” 
 
 “ We will appeal to his sense of selfishness. ” Joe and The Boy broke into a contagious laughter, the servants all joined in on the laughter, their jobs depended on it. “ I ’ m just joking, we ’ ll shoot him. ” 
 
 Hours later the jets landed and the fabulous duo boarded their yacht, heading to The Green Cleaner ’ s island. 
 
 The Green Cleaner recalculated the power needed to deatomize the excess greenhouse gasses. “ Yes, the numbers are perfect ”, he thought, “ I have already saved up enough energy from my renewable power sources to destroy my nemesis hanging in the sky. ” 
 
 A great explosion rocked The Green Cleaner ’ s lair, debris and body parts of his minions flew across the room. The Green Cleaner became trapped under a solar panel. 
 
 “ Looks like environmentalism can kill ”, quipped Joe The Fabulous, walking through the gore left behind by his bomb. The Boy took pictures and video, planning on editing them later so it looked like The Green Cleaner set off the bomb. 
 
 The green Cleaner reached with what remained of his right arm. “ What? No, this is impossible! All I wanted to do was clean the world. ” 
 
 Joe The Fabulous stepped on The Green Cleaner ’ s throat. “ Is that all that matters to you? Being clean? If you had ended climate change you would have ruined the plans of thousands of people hoping the rising oceans would give them beach front property. And what of all the hard working Americans that would have had a job cleaning up the pollution? Why steal from their mouths? ” 
 
 The Green Cleaner, asphyxiating, could not respond. 
 
 “ You people can never answer the simplest questions ”, said Joe The Fabulous. He took out a gold plated pistol and shot The Green Cleaner in the head, brains and blood splattering all over the floor. “ Looks like The Green Cleaner has caused a red mess ”, he said with a smirk on his face. 
 
 “ Golly gee Joe, you really showed The Green Cleaner who ’ s boss, ” said The Boy while planting drugs on The Green Cleaner. 
 
 “ That ’ s right boy. ” Joe The Fabulous turned to the camera, still streaming to a world of shocked viewers. “ And to everybody that ’ s watching, this is what environmentalism will get you every time, a bullet in the head from this fantastic pistol. The PolluteCo 9.1 mm is the finest in personal protection, only $ 999 at your local retail store. You ’ ll want to buy one, your life will depend on it. ”
