[ WP ] You are secretly a super hero working a desk job . You are terrible at suppressing your powers in the office .

*If I have to read one more goddamn memorandum, I'm going to... * 
 
 `` Did you see the latest memo Stuart?'' Stuart glanced up at Bill. *What is this fucker holding? * Stuart thought, as Bill intoned about how everyone was going to have to find alternate parking for the next week as the first floor lobby was going to be renovated and the construction crew will be taking up the employee parking lot. 
 
 The world went red. 
 
 When Stuart came to, he noticed that there was a Bill-sized hole in each of the cubicles parallel to his own. Amidst the dust, a crowd began to form, murmuring about Stuart. `` Who the hell is he?'' `` Anne, does n't he look kind of like The Enigman?'' `` Oh my god, Stuart is the Enigman?'' After this revelation, the coworkers began to edge away from Stuart out of fear. 
 
 *Christ, this ca n't be good. I've been on the job for two weeks and already I've blown my cover. First, it was levitating Anne's miniskirt so I could get a better view. Then, it was climbing into the boss's window because I missed the bus, which was n't even my fault! That doucher of a bus driver saw me chasing after him and would n't stop. * 
 
 *Why are they moving away from me? I'm the good guy! I spend all of my free time saving the people of this city, and this is what I get? * 
 
 Stuart leveled a glare at his coworkers. As he knit his eyebrows together, a laser shot out from his steely-blue eyes. As if in slow motion, Stuart saw the laser going towards Phil ( the fat one ). Oh good Stuart thought, just Fat Phil. No one else will get hurt. As the laser seared Phil's stomach, the not so well-hidden layers of blubber combusted instantaneously. Phil let out a horrified screech as pockets of fat turned into mini Molotov cocktails striking the remaining employees. Stuart was too startled to do anything as his coworkers burned to death. 
 
 Stuart, staring at the grizzled remains of his coworkers, walked into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and saw a brown paper bag with `` Phil'' written in block letters.
