[ WP ] `` Hello , and welcome to our planet ! To what do we owe the honour of being invaded ? ''

We stood there, blinking and confused. That was n't exactly the response we had been anticipating. 
 
 `` Wait, what?'' I muttered as I squinted my eyes and looked at this thing, absolutely baffled. 
 
 `` I'm sorry my dear sir,'' The thing cleared its throat. `` You are of the human race are you not? And I believe it is the language known as'English' that you speak?'' 
 
 My jaw was left hanging slightly open. Here we were, in our astronaut armor and armed with machine guns and knives, ready for a cold and bloody war. Instead, we were not only greeted, but they were being polite about it. `` Uh... Yeah. On both counts.'' I waved my arm to let my fellow soldiers know they were to lower their weapons. 
 
 `` Oh, how wonderful!'' It clapped it's hands together. `` My name is 28w35, this is my home.'' Its upper body spun slowly around in a circle with it's arms stretched out, while the lower half of it's body remained still. `` Welcome!'' 
 
 My eyes quickly scanned the crowd behind it left to right; our training had taught us to shoot and kill our enemies upon arrival, but this was no ordinary scenario. We had been sent out to Mars after aliens had been discovered to be inhabiting the planet. Our mission was to invade and destroy the population so that the rest of mankind could follow safely behind. We were given our specialized armor and guns with the appropriate technology built in, so that we could go to war on another planet efficiently, and that's what we were expecting - war. Not a fucking welcoming party with what looked like cake and some unidentifiable and curious species looking pretty happy to see us. 
 
 `` Um... Thanks.'' I eventually responded. I glanced back at my guys, they looked just as confused as I was. 
 
 `` We estimated that it has taken you one-hundred and seventy-eight days to arrive. We thought you could use some consumables!'' It held a plate of some kind of food to my face. I reluctantly grabbed a piece of whatever and inspected it as it rambled on about being happy to finally host some of the human race. I inserted the cake-like thing through a little air-lock chamber thing in my suit and bit into it. To my surprise, it was the nicest thing I had ever tasted. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as my tastebuds had an orgasm. I shoved the rest of the piece of'cake' into my mouth and I could have died with happiness. 
 
 `` You guys have to fucking try this.'' 
 
 One by one all of the surrounding soldiers came up and grabbed a piece, all were as equally hesitant and confused by the party as I was. The air was soon filled with the sounds of dozens of men and women groaning. `` It tastes so good!'' `` Sweet baby Jesus even my momma aint this good!'' `` What is this?'' `` Can I grab a recipe?'' `` Duuuude, did you try that shit?'' 
 
 As we all discussed the cake, the alien smiled politely at us and placed the plate back down. It turned to us and folded it's hands, waiting. Suddenly, the place became deathly quiet and still. I felt it in my stomach, it was a dull pain to begin with but it grew to something so agonizing I could n't even scream. I could n't breathe. Suddenly, I puked into the transparent shield that was my helmet and all I saw was red, and through a tiny gap in the splatter of blood - the face of the alien who had poisoned us all. The field was filled with the sounds of men and women violently vomiting, falling to their knees trying to breathe. Some started seizing, others just died on the spot. I looked up at the alien, pleading for my life through my eyes as the blood poured from my nose and mouth. 
 
 `` Humans,'' The alien smiled down at me and shook its head. `` You all always think you are so intelligent. Did you really think you could destroy *us*? Did you really think you could take *our* planet when you could n't even look after your own? Silly humans. You always lose.'' 
 
 edit: grammar. 

