[ WP ] You are a devout christian , and you just died . When you ascend , you discover that the real god is Tūmatauenga , the Maori god of war .

He came to with a start, the murmur of gentle waves and the cry of unfamiliar seabirds filling the void left by the fading heart monitor and the muffled sobs of his relatives. Sand underfoot, whiter than any he'd ever seen, stretching up the most perfect beach to a dense, vibrant jungle of shocking green. Overhead, God's own blue sky, stabbed by the triangle tip of an immense volcanic mountain soaring up behind the forest. 
 
 *Paradise*, he thought, and took a deep breath of tangy salt air. Strength unlike anything he'd ever felt coursed through veins untouched by age, and stirred muscles that would never again falter. *After all those years of turmoil and doubt, I was right all along. Oh Father, how truly great thou art. * 
 
 His reverie lasted only as long as it took for the rock to smack into his forehead. 
 
 With a yelp, he dropped to his knees, clutching his bleeding scalp. *What the f-* 
 
 `` KA MATE!'' 
 
 The shout was thunderous, all-consuming. He staggered to his feet. Before him, there had been only jungle, dense and impenetrable. Now there was a man. Or at least, a man's shape. 
 
 Massive. Gigantic. Titanic. These words would have run through his head, but for the sheer incomprehensible nature of the figure before him. The man was huge, easily a dozen feet tall, and every inch of his exposed skin ( which was, upon further review, most of it ) was covered in fantastic tattoos, whorls and spirals and jagged cross-hatched lines of astonishing complexity. Lips drawn in a snarl, eyes flashing in rage and exultation, the giant raised his fist and screamed. 
 
 **'' KA MATE! `` ** 
 
 The cry echoed all around him, bouncing and reverberating off of the high volcanic cliffs until it seemed his head would burst. From all around him, new voices took up the cry, and for the first time he looked around at the figures that stood beside him in the surf. Men, women, children of every size and shape and color, all covered with the same vibrant tattoos, all armed. All gazing with awe and horror and wonder at the unfathomable figure before them. 
 
 The giant lowered his hand, and the forest erupted. Uncountable hordes of screaming tattooed warriors charged from the trees, mere and taiaha and patu held high for the kill. The giant laughed, and his heart jolted in rhythm. He screamed in return, blowing out his cheeks and staring with wide eyes as was proper to strike fear into the hearts of his onrushing foes. Around him, his new brothers and sisters did likewise, and the war cry sent a thrill of ecstasy through his heart as he raised his weapon alongside theirs. 
 
 A step upward, another step upward, and then he charged up the beach to meet his eternal enemies under the light of the perfect sun. 

