[ WP ] `` Welcome to Hell Sir , I hope you will find your eternal stay warm and welcoming.. ''

`` Welcome to Hell, Sir, I hope-'' 
 
 
 `` …MADAME. Not sir. Christ. You could at least look up from that book. Are you even reading that thing? Is n't it obvious that I have a girl's name?'' 
 
 
 The Imp glowered from behind the register. 
 
 
 `` I've been doing this job for thousands of years. Do you realize how many souls I've processed, how many names I've seen? NO. IT'S NOT OBVIOUS. How could it be? You humans ca n't even agree on a single language, let alone names. Boys names, girls names, they're all the same! And do n't even get me started on the various animals you've kept as pets. Each one shows up with fifty different entries because of all the various nicknames you guys use! No wonder they all hate you, you ca n't even get their actual names right!'' 
 
 
 `` …Wait, what?'' 
 
 
 `` Oh, did you think you humans were the only ones filled with petty emotions like hatred? HA! You think they really liked being called'sweet pea' and'lovey dove' and being talked down to as if they were no smarter than an infant? And that is why they all come to hell! You ca n't get into God's kingdom if you've got hatred in your heart!'' 
 
 
 `` So….Cinnamon and Muffin, Frisky and Lucky, Sammy and Snickerdoodle, they're all here too?'' 
 
 
 `` You had both cats AND dogs? Well are n't you particularly cruel, no wonder you're here. Good luck finding them, they probably never want to see you again.'' 
 
 
 `` …So, everyone that's ever had pets….they and their pets are all down here?'' 
 
 
 `` …YES. By Mephistopheles, are n't you a thick one!'' 
 
 
 `` I….I am strangely okay with this.'' 
 
 
 `` …And I hope you will find your stay warm and welcoming. NOW MOVE ALONG ALREADY.''
