[ WP ] A demon is getting REALLY tired of teenage girls summoning him .

Baphomet ’ s gaze shifted painfully slowly from the reports laid out haphazardly on his desk back to the demon shuddering before him. This demon had a particularly bad case on his hands, Baphomet had discovered; he was suffering a fate normally reserved for the most pejorative of Hell ’ s residents. The summoning circle takes a remarkably small toll on demons from all walks of life; it is the summoners themselves that necessitate the harvesting of their souls. But Rappa ’ Thuk? The loyal recruit, the shining idol of the lower ranks? He deserved better than this. 
 
 “ So. ” Baphomet ’ s voice rang like thunder even in his quietest tones. 
 
 “ Yes, lord Baphomet… ” Rappa ’ Thuk failed to conceal his fear at the matter. 
 
 “ Throughout the entirety of the previous quarter, ” Baphomet continued, “ you have been summoned far more than usual… ” 
 
 “ Yes… ” 
 
 “ By teenaged girls. ” 
 
 “ Yes, my lord. ” Rappa ’ Thuk was no taller than the average human, bore the typical red flesh and goat posterior, but his horns had barely outgrown his hair. The very recent recruit, thrust in a position like this. “ You understand, sir, that I can not control who summons— “ 
 
 “ Silence, ” Baphomet rang out. “ I need to think this over. ” With the rise of paranormal horror films such as Insidious and the like, the lower ranks of the hell courts have been nearly constantly called upon by teenaged girls—whether it be intentionally to demand a barter, or just to see if it could be done—and the results have been downright horrific. Not only are the majority of the tasks so petty as brushing hair, eliminating an ex-boyfriend, earning the love of a celebrity, but half the time the demons have been unable to procure a soul from those who summon them, or any souls period. Hell was being put on a strain. 
 Rappa ’ Thuk, of course, had received the brunt of it all; sometimes being called up eight, nine times a day, seven days a week for the past three months. It was quite clear that all this was putting a strain on him in particular, alongside the other lower-ranked demons of the hell courts. 
 
 We need a solution to this, Baphomet thought, and fast. ‘ Thuk is a key figure among the lower ranks; he ’ s well—liked, respected. We ’ ll need him to show the other demons in his rank a solution that we can provide; they will listen to him. But how… 
 
 Baphomet ’ s thinking was suddenly interrupted when ‘ Thuk crashed headlong into the ceiling, having been summoned once again. Baphomet ’ s office naturally prevents summoning to take place within its walls in order to allow meetings to occur uninterrupted, but it can ’ t interrupt the demon ’ s body from following the call of the summon. The roof above the chair opposite his had long since formed convexed from such motions. 
 
 Forged from the foreheads of the damned, he chuckled to himself. Then he got an idea… 
 
 “ Get up, ‘ Thuk. ” 
 
 “ Yes, sir, ” ‘ Thuk replied, scrambling to his feet. 
 
 “ Tell me, ‘ Thuk, how do you feel about this little… predicament of yours? ” 
 
 “ Me, sir? ” 
 
 “ Yes, you—dammit, who else is here with us besides Lucifer? ” Baphomet angrily motioned with his goat-head to the window. Every office in the ninth circle was within earshot of Lucifer, so as to relay high commands quickly—and to remind them of who is in charge here, despite being waist-deep in ice. 
 
 “ Well, I… there is no pain I would not endure for the glory of hell… ” 
 
 “ The truth, ‘ Thuk. ” Seeing the Baphomet ’ s patience wearing thin, ‘ Thuk stammered somewhat, but in a sigh, conceded. 
 
 “ What I would give to just be rid of the damned girls! Half of them are so young as to have no conception as to what a demon entails!! It is bad enough I can not barter their souls off of them—oh, no, they are too dumb to be fooled! Every waking hour I am forced to contend with it! Do you know what the last one asked me to do? She asked me to be her friend! Who in the world has to be so damnably lonely so as to turn to hell to find a friend!? And why one so low on the ladder as I am!? Hell alive, every one of us in the lower ranks is contending with it! ” 
 
 Rappa ’ Thuk sat panting after his strenuous rant, Baphomet making no effort to conceal his amusement at the matter. The whole thing is rather silly, isn ’ t it? As if reading his mind, the roar of Lucifer himself came humorously forth: 
 
 “ **And I thought I had it bad. ** ” 
 
 “ Oh stow it, you half-thawed popsicle, ” Baphomet retorted. Turning back to ‘ Thuk as Lucifer continued cackling an icy laugh, he resumed the air of business he was so accustomed to, as did ‘ Thuk. “ So, ‘ Thuk… this problem of yours. What if I told you I think I have a solution? ” 
 
 Thuk ’ s face lit up as if God had just accepted his presence. “ You do!? ” he implored, completely abandoning composure altogether. 
 
 “ Yes, I think I do… but it won ’ t be easy. Tell me, demon, ” Baphomet inquired, turning about for dramatic effect. “ Have you ever… made a deal before? ” 
 
 “ Hmm? Yes sir, plenty of times. Why? ” 
 
 “ Well, we need you to make a very careful deal. ” 
 
 “ You can count on me, lord Baphomet, ” ‘ Thuk replied, taking a knee. 
 
 I know damn well you can, thought Baphomet. How else could you have climbed the ranks so steadily? “ I need you to make a deal… with God. ” 
 
 ‘ Thuk ’ s color drained as if the gates of Heaven had just closed in his face. He seemd at a loss for words, sitting with his mouth agape. Luckily for him, however, Lucifer obliged. 
 
 “ **BAPHOMET! ** ” 
 
 “ Oh, you ’ re still paying attention to me, you ugly brute? ” 
 
 “ **You dare suggest such a thing in my presence!? I should have you frozen here beside me for even thinking such a suggestion! ** ” 
 
 “ But you haven ’ t yet. I wonder why that is? ” 
 
 Lucifer refrained from speaking. 
 
 “ Because you know it ’ s the only way out of this mess. ” 
 
 “ **Don ’ t test my patience, Baphomet, ** ” the Lord of Hell replied. 
 
 “ Oh, I won ’ t, Lord Lucifer, ” Baphomet replied. “ But I know that the soul shortage has been. So many teenage girls are calling our demons out of action, off of the frontlines of soul collecting. Pull as many strings as we can among the mortals, there ’ s no end to it. ” 
 
 Lucifer remained silent, his three faces as stone-cold as the ice that trapped him. 
 
 “ We ’ ve been backed into a corner. We need to do the unthinkable. We need… divine intervention. ” 
 
 “ **Send him out, ** ” Lucifer grumbled, “ **And never speak of this matter again. ** ” 
 
 Chuckling slightly, Baphomet turned to the slightly recomposed Rappa ’ Thuk. “ Well, it ’ s settled then. I ’ ll put in a word with Saint Peter that we have something to negotiate, and he should let you through. ” Suddenly realizing he was being addressed again, ‘ Thuk stammered. 
 
 “ W-wait, I… ” 
 
 “ So long! ” With a wave of his hand, Baphomet sent ‘ Thuk out of his window, accelerating out of hell upward at a blinding speed till he was little more than another blip amongst the swarm of lights moving in and out of hell. Turning back to his desk to prepare some runes, his voice in the back of his head roared once again. 
 
 “ **You better know what you ’ re doing, Baphomet. ** ” 
 
 “ Oh, worry not my lord, ” Baphomet curtly replied. “ I do indeed. ” 

