[ TT ] As you charge in to slay the dragon and rescue the princess , the latter urges you to stop , telling you not to hurt her boyfriend .

Arnold rushed forward on his valiant steed, which was n't so much a valiant steed as a worn out pony, but served the purpose well enough. He adjusted his glasses and self-consciously fingered his neck, hoping the poor shaving job he'd done would hold up to the princess's standards. 
 
 A long, sinuous dragon had curled itself around the base of the tower, appearing to be asleep. Arnold noticed that the smoke curling from its nostrils reeked of marijuana, and so he became brave enough to scale the tower, confident that the dragon was too high to take any notice of him. 
 
 `` M'lady, I have come to rescue thee. Thou art as pretty as a wildflower and pure as mountain air'' he announced with a bow that exposed perhaps too much of his potbelly. The princess looked him up and down, turning her nose up at the acne and lack of bodily hygiene that she could see and smell from the lad. 
 
 `` And who told you that I needed rescuing?'' she demanded of him. 
 
 The knight shifted from foot to foot. It was fortunate that he had put on a helm, or else she would have seen the bright red sheen of embarrassment upon his face. 
 
 `` I am a knight, m'lady. And the dragon... well, I have come to slay it so that you may be free''. 
 
 The princess shook her brown curls in an angry toss of her head. `` I already told you that I do n't want to be rescued. And you better not lay a finger on Chad, or else you'll be in for it.'' 
 
 `` Chad?'' the knight asked. 
 
 `` Yes. He's my boyfriend, and he's been kind enough to sleep around the base of this tower to protect me from whiny guys like you.'' 
 
 Arnold glanced out of the window, growing angrier and angrier as he saw the sheer muscle of the creature below him. 
 
 `` Whatever. You're a bitch who would n't give a good guy like me a chance anyway. Have fun with your douchebag boyfriend.'' 
 
 With that, Arnold climbed down the tower in a huff. As he saddled up his pony, he could n't help but jab the dragon with his sword. It was no more than a poke, really, and any ordinary creature would not have felt it as more than a peck from a baby bird. Dragons, however, are not ordinary creatures. 
 
 Chad lazily opened his eyes and started uncoiling from the tower to see what nuisance had disturbed him. 
 
 `` Eh? What's this? Run along now, little squirt!'' the dragon said. 
 
 What followed was a string of obscenities from Arnold that can not be repeated in a fairy tale such as this. At the end of the last insult, Chad reared to his full height so that he could talk to his princess. 
 
 `` Should I fry this little dough-man, baby?'' 
 
 The princess thought long and hard about whether or not Arnold should be killed. At last, an idea came to her. She leaned down and whispered into the dragon's ear. Chad nodded as she explained her plan, and a toothy smile broke out on his scaly face. 
 
 When they had finished conversing, Arnold got up from his huddled position on the ground to beseech the great dragon for mercy. 
 
 `` O Chad, keeper of this tower, please forgive me for any transgressions I may have committed against thee.'' 
 
 The dragon did not bother to answer this most insufferable of beings. Instead, he split the knight's helm open with a flick of his claw and bathed the man's head in flame. When he had finished, very little hair remained on Arnold's fat scalp. 
 
 `` Chad, you really have outdone yourself'' the princess said. `` And yet, I feel pity for this low-life. I think I'll give him something to cover his baldness so that he can hide his shame''. 
 
 She picked a hat out of her closet and tossed it down to the knight. It was black, round, and had a thin rim. Arnold seemed quite taken by it. 
 
 `` I thank you for this gift, m'lady, and if ye ever decide to get rid of this dumb jock, then know that I, the true gentleman, am always available''. 
 
 Chad wanted to burn Arnold to a crisp for that comment, but the princess held him back. `` The hat is punishment enough'' she explained. 
 
 At first, the dragon did n't understand why the hat was a punishment, but as the years went by, he learned that Arnold ventured across the land to tell his tale to anyone who would listen, and that soon enough, the hat he had been thrown became closely associated with him, and eventually came to represent all others like him. The hat, in effect, became a self-inflicted scarlet letter that spoke of social awkwardness, poor personal hygiene, and rampant entitlement. 
 
 And that, my friends, is how the fedora came to be. 
 

