[ WP ] There is an instant result from everything -- exercise , fattening foods , lying in the sun , studying ...

Some people just do n't know how to build a proper *routine*. That's all it is. Successful people have successful routines. These other idiots are just running around like children with their heads cut off, sampling an endless poo-poo platter of possible lives, letting their dumb ids make all the decisions for them. 
 
 Take Nancy Walter, for instance. I dated Nancy once. *Once. * Things went well. Very restrained dinner. We were both on our best behavior. One thing led to another, and I went back with Nancy to her house. Here's what I found: a storage unit on the front lawn. For what? For Nancy's clothes. Nancy was a yo-yo. 
 
 `` Truthfully, I just love ice cream,'' she admitted, apparently thinking that we had somehow time warped to a point in the relationship where absolute honesty was acceptable. `` And, you know, it just goes to my hips. But it's okay. I have a gym membership. I work it off... eventually.'' 
 
 I looked inside the trailer and saw just how *much* Nancy liked ice cream. Some of her `` binge clothing'' looked like it ought to be used by the grounds crew at Yankee Stadium to cover the field during rain delays. She was petite and toned just then, but the possibilities were horrifying. That she was *okay* with such wild, day-to-day swings told me everything I needed to know about her character - that is, she had none. 
 
 Or perhaps that's cruel. She was just weak. Most people are. I've gotten where I've gotten through the rigidity of my routine. Here's a sampling: 
 
 *Desserts* - These are perfectly fine to have *presuming* you have an immediate plan to address the weight gain associated. For me, I have a treadmill in my house. Two store-bought Milano cookies have been shown to take me from a size 32 waist to a size 36. ( Some people would find that acceptable. I do n't. ) The corresponding exercise needed to take me from a size 36 waist to a size 32 is 30 minutes of medium resistance jogging. So this is what I do. 
 
 *Television* - Most television has a negligible effect on one's IQ, but that effect compounds over time. I am very careful and selective when it comes to the amount and quality of television I enjoy. I always counterbalance these scheduled viewing sessions with selected sections from important or difficult books. I do not watch reality TV, as this has been shown to strip intelligence at a rate no textbook or lecture series can correct. 
 
 *Personal interactions* - I avoid stupid people. 
 
 *Climates* - I am very thorough in my climate prep. Chilly days are met with layers. Warm, sunny days are met with with sunscreen and a parasol. I avoid the beach and moisturize properly following any prolonged contact with water. 
 
 I am a brain surgeon. I have invested tremendously in my mind and certain physical skills. I do what is necessary to preserve that investment. Frankly, looking around, it is difficult for me to comprehend the actions of others. Ghastly, bloated muscle balloons, haunting sweat-soaked gymnasiums, looking like cartoons characters. Blobulous globs of humanity, rolling heavily from meal to meal. Gibbering morons, rotting their brains on day-long Netflix binges. All because they can not stop themselves. They can not build the proper routine. 
 
 Worst of all are the data junkies. Minds full to capacity with all the knowledge they can consume, thinking, hoping that it might someday transform them into something more than flesh; that they might escape the limitations of their minds and their bodies. These are the ones that frighten me most. While the others disgust me with their mindless abasement, these boiled brains push further and further towards an almost celestial goal. And I am intelligent enough to know that eventually they will succeed or they will fail so spectacularly that we will all feel their common doom. They will be the death of us all. One way or another, I am certain things can not continue as they are. 
 
 But that is another concern for another day. For now I have said too much about myself. Self-praise is healthy, of course, but only in moderation. If you praise yourself too much, without equally praising others, it creates the impression of self-satisfaction, which is unappealing. So: 
 
 *You are looking very well today. * 
 
 *Your wide, flaccid cheeks are wonderfully rosy. * 
 
 *A thing you have recently said was very interesting. Thank you for sharing. * 
 
 *I treasure your existence. * 
 
 *Your goals have merit. * 
 
 *I would be sad if you were to suddenly and very explicably die. * 
 
 There. That should do for now. All in balance. See? A good routine will never let you down.
