The smallest seed of an idea can grow ; often to either define or destroy you . [ WP ]

* “ You disappoint me so much. ” * 
 
 The words echo in my head. They ’ re the first thing I hear when I wake up. When I get into the car to drive to work, no matter how loud I turn the stereo up I can ’ t stop hearing them. While I sit, in that tiny little cubicle, among the sounds of phone-calls, printers, and keyboards, I hear those words, bouncing around my head. Like a bullet, tearing through my brain. 
 
 And you know, sometimes, when I come home to my empty apartment, and eat another one of those God-damned shit frozen dinners, I can ’ t help but think he was right. When HE was MY age, he was building his business. He was having dinners with these rich men in the city, making connections, making money. He went home, and he was greeted by his wife who ’ d swoon over how much she had missed him. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 The statement, the idea, the words… they ricochet around my skull while I lay in the bed. I try to think about how I ought to sleep, how much I need to sleep… that I have to wake up for work tomorrow… but why do I bother waking up at all? 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 He was sick. He was barely there when I was a boy. I don ’ t remember playing any games with him. There were no boring road trips. There were no family vacations. He was always too busy for me. But when he was dying, when he was laying in that pathetic bed, in that hospital, not a day went by that I didn ’ t visit him. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 The last God-damn words I ever heard him say. He was barely even there when I was growing up, and he was my father! And he had the nerve to say that it was I… I who had disappointed him!? 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 I never went back to see him after that. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 He died about a week later. I refused to go to the funeral, and after that my mother stopped talking to me. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 I drank so much. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 And lost my job. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 I stopped talking to my girlfriend, and didn ’ t even notice when she left me. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 And I kept drinking. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 And those words kept going through my skull. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 Each time I heard them again, like a bullet straight through my forehead. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 And I ’ ve never been so angry. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 But if there ’ s anything I can do, it ’ s prove that dead bastard wrong. 
 
 And everyday I get up, and I go to this job. 
 
 And I get a step closer to that management position. 
 
 A step closer to making him look like a fool. 
 
 * “ You disappoint me so much ” * 
 
 But those words still hit me. 
 
 They used to kill me a little more each time. 
 
 But now they push me. 
 
 Push me to prove him wrong. 
 
 And now, I do n't hear those words as much as I did.
