[ WP ] The protagonist is narrating his entire life ... out loud .

`` I walked into the small cafe and scanned the room. Nothing but overweight soccer mom's-in-training and deadbeats, as usual,'' said David as he entered the bistro. 
 
 A woman with a few extra pounds grimaced at his comment. `` Nice, buddy,'' she said, annoyed. 
 
 `` A woman frowned at me and spat some sort of epithet I suppose was designed to irk me. I ignored her and strode to an empty table.'' David strode to an empty table. 
 
 The woman shook her head and went back to eating her double portion of cottage cheese as a waiter approached David, looking dubiously at the stranger. `` Good afternoon, I am Jean-Claude and I will be your waiter today. Can I start you off with something to drink?'' 
 
 `` I eyed the waiter and silently inspected his attire. He was well-dressed, impeccably clean -was that the scent of lilac?'' David said softly. 
 
 The waiter smiled nervously. `` Pardon me, sir?'' 
 
 `` I realized I had better order something. Despite the tidy appearance and good manners of this lilac-scented young water, I was bound by the poor choices of this declining eatery I visit still for I know not what reason.'I'll have a martini,' I said,'' said David. 
 
 Awkward did n't cover it. The waiter cleared his throat, twice, before managing a `` very good sir'' and scuttled off to fetch the drink order. `` The waiter was clearly baffled -another sign of the inevitable collapse of'Much Ado About Bread And Cheese.' I waited for my drink while examining the half-hearted menu.'' David browsed the menu silently. 
 
 `` I do n't know what's with you, pal, but you've got a terrible attitude'' stated a nearby patron, clearly fed up with David's self-badinage. The man rose to his feet and stood facing David. 
 
 `` Suddenly, an overweight fellow leaped to his feet and made unfounded accusations for reasons I dared not ponder. I had to decide if he was a threat or merely a passing moron mewling about life's difficulties at lunch time.'' Said David, wearing only an expression of exaggerated surprise. 
 
 `` What did you say?!'' The man was enraged. He pushed up his sleeves and, redfaced, advanced towards the startled David. 
 
 `` In a sudden fit of ape-like anger, this razorback of a man went from alcohol-addled curiosity to imminent danger. I quickly withdrew my glock, loaded with hollow point bullets, and prepared to shoot the man in the head.'' David rose to his feet, pointing a gun at the stunned aggressor. 
 
 `` He-Hey now, look, there's no need to get violent.'' The man started backing away, hands in the air. 
 
 `` The fool began to back off, acknowledging that he is both sorry and stupid as he began the violent exchange in the first place. Assuming it is not bad for the gene pool that I let him live, I slowly return to my seat and holster the weapon knowing that if he should try it again I would simply kill him. I awaited my martini with dread.'' David slid the gun back into its holster and drummed his fingers impatiently. 
 
 Having seen none of this, the waiter returned with the drink. 
 
 `` Have you decided on your main course, sir?'' The waiter nervously awaited the reply. 
 
 `` I'm not hungry any more.'' David said curtly. ``'He had had enough of this place.' he said,'' he said. 
 
 The waiter paused. 
 
 The man nearby crumpled bills on the table hoping to make a hasty exit. 
 
 The fat woman blinked. 
 
 `` And then David killed them all,'' said David. 
 
 And then David killed them all.
