[ WP ] You see a burger that has lettuce , cheese , and ham , If you do n't eat it in five days , the world will explode .

You know those scenes in action movies where the main character is all tied up on a chair blindfolded and it's pitch black everywhere? Well, yeah. That's my situation right about now. The only difference is: I'm no action star. 
 
 *Flick*. A light bulb above me just turned on. I ca n't see it, but I feel its brightness. And not only that... I can feel something move. Footsteps. Definitely footsteps. 
 
 `` Well, good evening Mr. Thompson.'' A voice that now seems to be right in front of me said in a husky tone that just screams evil villain-mastermind. 
 
 He took off my blindfold and -- Jeez Louise! He's not a he! It's a woman–a really **big** woman, probably the size of a hippo. `` It looks like you're coming to your senses now, hm?'' 
 
 `` Wha -- What do you want from me?'' I replied, all dazed and confused. `` Why am I all tied up?! What is all of this?!?!'' 
 
 `` Ah, you see. We need your help, Mr. Dwayne Thompson.'' She said in an even huskier voice as she presented me with a package wrapped in tin foil and placed it on my lap. 
 
 `` The fate of the world is in your hands.'' She continued, her ugly and smelly henchmen now untying me from the chair I was seated on, `` Eat this burger in five days, or the world will explode!'' 
 
 With my hands finally free, I picked up the wrapped package and smelled it. I'm telling you man, it smelled good. `` Uh, yeah. Is this some kind of joke? Am I on one of those prank shows on TV? Because I do n't really like those.'' 
 
 The hippo lady just laughed. 
 
 `` Uh... okay? Bye.'' 
 
 And a *snap* as I tried to stand up from the chair, dropping the tin-foiled burger on the floor. From out of nowhere, I got electrocuted violently. I felt the shock from head to toe. 
 
 `` # % $ @! What the heck was that?!'' 
 
 `` Do n't you even dare try getting away from this one Mr. Thompson! We are serious! We are cruel! We are dangerous!'' The woman exclaimed. `` Now take this burger, and eat it!'' 
 
 She picked up the burger from the floor, with much difficulty of course, courtesy of that big belly of hers, and shoved it on my chest. I took the thing once again and raised an eyebrow at her. 
 
 `` Jeez Louise, McDonalds. If you want me to try your new burger, you could just ask.'' 
 
 `` Do you think we are kidding here, Mr. Thompson?'' 
 
 `` Whatever, I hope I get a free sundae after this --'' 
 
 `` We are not kidding.'' She stared down at me with a really intimidating face–a face worse than all the other hippos I've seen at the zoo. `` Do you want me to show you how serious I am?'' She flicked her fingers and commanded, `` Guards.'' 
 
 The henchmen went away and came back with a tablet. 
 
 `` Watch closely, boy.'' 
 
 And so I did watch closely. My eyes widened as I saw the footage. It was a house being blown up to bits... and it was n't just any house. `` You horrible piece of @ # % $ that doghouse cost me a fortune! What did you do to my dog?! What did you do to my Ziggy huh?!'' 
 
 `` Oh I assure you the dog is very much dead, Dwayne. Gone. Done for... and that was only the beginning. Next... is the world!'' 
 
 `` You sick $ % & #! Why I --'' *zap*. She electrocuted me again. 
 
 `` I repeat, Mr. Thompson. The rules are simple. Eat this burger in five days, or the world will explode.'' 
 
 `` Fine! Let's get this over with.'' I told her as I unwrapped the thing. `` What in the flying % # @ $ is with this burger --'' my eyes widened again as I saw what was inside. `` You really are one messed up little witch.'' 
 
 I took the burger out of the wrapper and examined it. It was actually fine, honestly. A thick patty, some nice buns, some crispy-looking lettuce pieces, and some tomatoes, plus some ham too. But the only problem with it was... 
 
 `` It has cheese. How did you know I hated cheese?! You freaking hippo.'' 
 
 `` What did you just call me?'' 
 
 `` The cheese is all over the place. This is horrible!'' 
 
 `` You have to eat it... or the world will go poof.'' she told me with a sadistic smile. I never knew hippos could muster up a smile that sadistic. 
 
 `` In five days? Hm. Just watch. I'll finish this up in five minutes. Then I'll throw it all up on your stupid hippo face.'' 
 
 And so I began eating. It was the most disgusting eating experience I have ever had in my entire life. All the evil laughing the hippo lady did through it all made it even more gross. I could feel the cheese linger in my teeth, and it was just plain nasty. The horror, man. The horror. 
 
 `` Gah! I'm -- I'm done.'' I said, as I took the last bite. 
 
 `` HA HA HA! You did well, Mr. Thompson. Much better than I expected.'' 
 
 `` Okay, now let me out of here, you psycho. I'm done with your garbage.'' 
 
 `` But I'll have to blow up the world anyway.'' 
 
 `` What?! Are you insane?!?! I just finished that burger for you! That horrible, stinking piece of trash of a burger with cheese in it!!!'' 
 
 `` My instructions were clear, Dwayne.'' 
 
 `` It was $ ^ % @ clear, hippo! You said I had to eat it in five days, and guess what? I finished that crap in 5 freaking minutes.'' 
 
 `` I said in five days, Mr. Thompson. In five days. Inside the'Five Days' restaurant! HA HA HA! You have been a resident in this city for so long now, I thought you'd know that joint.'' 
 
 `` WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO EAT IT THERE IF YOU KEPT ME ON THIS CHAIR ALL THIS TIME?!'' 
 
 `` We're done here. You have failed. Say goodbye to the world now.'' 
 
 `` NO!!!'' 
 
 And the woman clicked a button, and I heard a huge explosion. I closed my eyes and... no. I did n't see my life flash before my eyes, like how the action stars do. Like I said: I'm no action star. 
 
 I opened my eyes again after a brief moment of fear, and looked around. The hippo lady was laughing hysterically, as her evil plan succeeded -- but wait. I do n't get it, `` I thought you'd make the world explode?'' 
 
 `` And yes I did! I did blow up the world! HA HA HA!'' She looked into my eyes with such evil intent and whispered, `` The World cafe.''
