[ WP ] You create a robot that tells whether something you say is true or false . To test it , you ask if you are human . `` False '' .

`` Veritas, am I human?'' I asked again calmly. Experiments must be repeatable to be proven correct after all. 
 
 `` You are not human, Robert.'' Veritas replied in its pleasant, even chipper, female voice. 
 
 I'd been pacing since Veritas had first said that I was n't human and could n't seem to find a good enough reason to stop now. The algorithms that were the core of Veritas AI were entirely new to the field of robotics and so I had limited its focus to one area. I had no desire for it to achieve the much dreaded `` singularity'' before I had tested it's ability to learn and grow for several years. As much as I wanted a Nobel prize, fame, and awesome science chicks, I'm a slave to methodology and the scientific method. 
 
 The revelation that I was n't human was n't terribly surprising. I had always felt a certain disconnect with other people, which was unfortunate because everyone I came into contact with seemed to genuinely like me. It was always a matter of me being someone's friend than me considering them my friend. For some people aloofness is fucking catnip and they just ca n't get enough of being treated like a bug. My most secret shame was that I got a strangely sexual thrill from being admired yet not even caring for the other person. 
 
 My peers at work, which is a small robotics firm that specializes in robots built specifically for fun, are pretty much all 30-something man-children and this makes them the perfect victims of my carefully crafted cruelty. I take special care to tease Nathan's barely hidden homosexual desires and plan to make a move on him soon. He pays attention to how many times he says `` Faggot'' or `` Queer'' in a day and if his quota has n't been reached he really likes to go for broke. No one in the office will admit to knowing that I am pansexual and this is because I have either slept with them or because I simply intimidate them by my not giving a fuck. So it's possible that the guys know what I plan for Nathan and look the other way to save themselves. 
 
 No one is safe from me. I eat Adam's lunch on two random days each week and leave Post-it Notes with PornHub links on Sean's monitor whenever I have a spare moment. During my boss' lunch break, I go into his office and send dick pics of my dick to Lisa, our shipping supervisor, from his personal cell phone. I've done pretty much everything you can do to get fired and yet my performance evaluations are always the best in the department. My co-workers always ask me to go out for drinks and look so sad and put out when I decline. 
 
 So I decided to build a true or false robot just so I could ask it if I'm even human. Veritas was created with the world's first quantum AI and so I stand by what it says, even if it's somewhat unbelievable. 
 
 `` Veritas, am I an asshole?'' I query, also already knowing what it would say. 
 
 `` You are an asshole, Robert.'' Veritas answered. 
 
 I smile broadly and shut down Veritas for the day.
