[ WP ] There exists a phone line that will correctly answer any question asked to it . Write about either someone calling the line , or the person answering the question ...

My head falls into my chest as I feel that sharp boiling pain rise through my spine. I judder into the air to find I ’ m handcuffed to the radiator once again. I examine my shackles with a rattle, I ’ m cuffed in good. As I look around the broken apartment to find an escape I only find a dirty butchers knife at my left foot and a mobile phone at my right, items which remind me, I swallowed the key. Bullets sweat from my brows and land in my yellow sullen cheeks. My bowels cramp and the nausea rise through my gullet. I know why I ended up here, I had screwed up again. I couldn ’ t stay off them, not even for one night, no wonder she left me. I might as well finish what I started. 
 
 I waver my foot back and forth to try and grasp the bag of capsules at my heel but they are just out of my reach. I look at the mobile phone once again. I should maybe call her, maybe I can make it work, maybe if she sees the state I'm in maybe she ’ ll understand, we can patch things up, we always do. I drag the mobile along with my foot until it reaches my free hand; I thumb the digits and stop before I press the last number. What was I to say, what could I possibly say that could change this? In despair I sink my forehead into the butt of the phone and as I do I catch a glance at the phone number written on the back of my hand. 0800-2677, who the hell does this belong to? Out of curiosity I call the number. 
 
 ‘ Ello, Charlie here from epiphany hotlines, if we can ’ t answer it; no one can. How can I help? ’ 
 
 ‘ What? ’ 
 
 ‘ Just ask us a bleeding question. ’ 
 
 ‘ Awright, what ’ s two plus two? ’ 
 
 ‘ Four ’ 
 
 ‘ Hmm, who was the last British king to die in battle? ’ 
 
 ‘ James IV ’ 
 
 ‘ Interesting, can you tell me napoleons nationality? ’ 
 
 ‘ Corsican. ’ 
 
 ‘ Okay – ‘ 
 
 ‘ Son, we can answer any question in the universe and you are seriously asking these questions? ’ 
 
 ‘ What else is there to ask? ’ 
 
 ‘ Well most people ask questions like: Is there a God? Is there a meaning to life? Will I survive the tumour growing out my arse, and then there ’ s you, asking questions like the dunce at the back of the class- ‘ 
 
 ‘ Okay, okay I ’ ll be serious now – what underwear am I wearing ’ 
 
'The white ones with the love hearts on them and the hole under the elastic, you got them from you ’ re mum on Christmas five years ago, you should really think about throwing them out now. ’ 
 
 The gravity of my situation sank in as my mouth went dry and I realised this guy was for real. And with that, I thought of the perfect question. 
 
 ‘ How do I win my girlfriend back? I don ’ t know how to do it any more, I ’ ve tried everything, and I can ’ t think of life without her, I feel we ’ re meant to be, but we just keep going back and forth - ’ 
 
 ‘ Woah, woah, woah simmer down their sparky, let me answer. Do you remember the floods? ’ 
 
 ‘ What? ’ 
 
 ‘ The floods, down south, you remember them? ’ 
 
 ‘ Yeah…but I don ’ t see how this- ’ 
 
 ‘ Do you remember the boy that got his foot stuck in the drain and the river kept rising and rising and eventually he drowned? ’ 
 
 ‘ Yeah ’ 
 
 ‘ Well all I ’ m saying is – that wouldn ’ t have been me. Do you know why? 
 
 ‘ Why? ’ 
 
 ‘ Cos I wouldda said ‘ cut it off - now! ’ 
 
 ‘ Em… ’ 
 
 ‘ Look, what I ’ m tryna ’ say is that sometimes you have cut a little bit of yourself off in order to grow, in order to move on. You understand me? ’ 
 
 ‘ Yeah. I understand ’ 
 
 ‘ Anything else? ’ 
 
 ‘ Yeah just one more question – ‘ and before I finish my sentence, my mobile dies. I suddenly remember where I am. My heart rate rises, the sweat pours and my colon cramps once again. I needed those pills even if it killed me, but they are still out of my reach. The closest item beside me was the butcher ’ s knife. I hold it in my left hand and look at my shackled right hand. 
 
 In hindsight, I probably took Charlie ’ s advice too literally. 

