[ WP ] Whilst restocking a vending machine , a janitor finds something horrific jammed inside .

`` Cause baby now we got Baaaaad Bloood. You know it used to be maaaad – OH JESUS ON A TUNA CAN WHAT IS 
 THAT SHIT?'' 
 
 Stanley looked at the toe, and the toe looked right back at him. Yeap. It was a human toe, all right. Just behind the Sprite cans. No way around it. 
 
 `` Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.'' 
 
 Reluctant and unsure why on Earth he was doing it, he grabbed the toe by the edges. A little note was dangling out of it, like a holiday card. 
 
 It was an address and a date and time. 
 
 
 
 ___ 
 
 
 
 Marta was thinking about yoga and Daryl's penis when she found the eyeballs. They were behind a couple of old 
 Twix bars, and she screamed and ran to the bathroom, like the eyes might suddenly go after her. 
 
 When a little bit of sanity kicked back in, she went back to the machine, and she, too saw the address and the date and time. 
 
 ____ 
 
 
 
 `` Martin, I'm telling you, she can tell me and Javier apart. I do n't care what she says about twins and her being 
 drunk, she's a cheating whore and – Martin?'' 
 
 Martin dropped to the floor like a bag of sand and Henrique watched him go. `` Martin?'' he repeated. Then he 
 turned to the machine and saw the human arm. 
 
 `` Oh man'', Henrique said, passing out right next to his buddy. 
 
 ____ 
 
 
 
 `` All right, who was the one who said they knew how to sew?'' Marta asks now, as the people all gather around in her living room. It's tiny, and a lot of folks are standing, and there was n't orange juice for everyone. Then again, 
 everyone's holding a limb and a note with an address and a date, so no orange juice is ranking pretty low on the 
 scale of fucked up things in the evening. 
 
 `` I do'', the blonde lady states, raising a shy hand holding a pinky toe. 
 
 `` And we got all the parts here?'' 
 
 `` Yeah. I think the guy with the left ball could n't make it, but he mailed the ball'', a dude says, from the corner. 
 
 `` Ok… So… Ok, ok, ok… I'm as lost as all of you, here. Let's just sew this shit up like it says on our notes and see 
 what happens. Everyone puts their… pieces… on the coffee table.'' 
 
 Marta watches as people start dropping human parts by her travel guide on the table, one by one. The blonde lady approaches with needle and thread. `` Can I…?'' 
 
 `` Yeah'', Marta says. `` Yeah, I'll help.'' 
 
 One by one, people start joining in, and pretty soon everyone's sewing a piece of human body to another. After a 
 bit of discussion as to which ball was the left and which one was the right ( the final consensus being that the left 
 one was the smaller, for reasons that remained unclear for Marta ), they finally get one toe away from ready. 
 
 Stanley steps up with the toe. `` So we're really sewing this dead body together?'' 
 
 `` Look, man'', Henrique joins in, `` I think it's messed up like you do. But someone – something – brought us here 
 together. This is deep stuff man, and creepy stuff. I say we just do as the notes told us to do. Is n't that what we 
 agreed?'' 
 
 Everyone nods and there's a slight murmur of approval. Stanley, reluctant, plucks the toe together with the other 
 toes. 
 
 `` All right, give me the thread.'' 
 
 And he sews. Marta and Henrique and Martin and all the other watch as Stanley goes up and down the toe of the 
 highly deformed, highly disproportional cadaver they built. 
 
 Just before the last turn, Stanley stops the needle. `` All right, this is it'', he says, and then he gives the thread the final turn. Careful, he grabs the scissors and cuts the loose bit. The body is ready. 
 
 It looks exactly like you'd imagine Jon Bon Jovi would look like, if he had spent seven hundred years inside a 
 functioning washing machine. 
 
 The cadaver opens his eyes and everyone goes, `` Oh''. 
 
 He looks around and rises to his feet. `` You sewed me back to life, like the prophecy'', he utters, in a low and high 
 pitched voice at the same time. 
 
 `` Yeah… Yeah, we did'', Henrique answers. Martin passes out. 
 
 `` Why the fuck would you think that's a good idea?'' Washing Machine Bon Jovi asks, murdering Marta and Stanley 
 with a single blow or his deformed arm. He grabs the blonde girl and squeezes her head with his hands until it explodes in a ball of blood and meat. 
 
 `` Oh, man'', Henrique sighs, as the beast turns to him. `` First Amanda pulling that crap on me with Javier, and now this.'' 
 
 And then Henrique is murdered by Washing Machine Jon Bon Jovi, and I'm going to bed, because clearly my sleep 
 schedule has started interfering with my sanity. 
 

