[ WP ] Your 11 year old nephew just ate 2 of your LSD gummy bears 45 minutes ago and you have to make sure he makes it through sane

*On the phone* 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` Ay Dave... You remember those Looney Toons Gummies you gave me? You know, the California Sunshine... Ol' Juan Cristobal here decided he wanted to trip with Lucy in the sky with diamonds and ate them.'' 
 
 
 *Laughter* 
 
 Dave: `` Well, I hope he likes Mexico.'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` Fuck! What do I do?'' 
 
 
 Dave: `` How long has it been since he ate them.'' 
 
 
 `` About 45 minutes ago, those things are set to kick in at any moment. I'm fucking screwed man. It's game over man, game over.'' 
 
 
 `` Well... Fuck, bro... You may just be shit out of luck... What's he doing now?'' 
 
 
 `` I do n't know, good question. Let me go see.'' 
 
 
 *Walks into the next room to find the kid sitting in the lotus position staring intensely at the TV while Naruto is on* 
 
 *In a calming tone* 
 `` Hey buddy, how's it going?'' 
 
 
 *No answer* 
 
 
 `` You alright?'' 
 
 
 *Blank* 
 
 
 `` You are n't feeling a little strange or anything right now, are you? 
 
 
 *Does n't even blink* 
 
 
 ``... Yeah Dave, he's just sitting there staring at the TV. I think he may be tripping balls here in a second. Ah, God, Lord Almighty, Why? 
 
 
 Dave: `` How'd he get a hold of them anyways'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` I do n't know, I thought they were in my pocket at first, then I noticed that they were gone. I thought to myself, `` They must've fallen out''. So I started looking around for them, when all of sudden the kid goes, `` Uncle Sam, do you have anymore gummy bears that I can have''. I was like, `` What gummy bears?'' Then it dawned on me... The little bastard just ate my acid...'' 
 
 
 *Laughing* 
 
 
 Dave: `` I can see him tripping hard. Licking window panes, stripping naked and pretending to be superman. Now Uncle Sam is irresponsible and a pedophile.'' `` Where'd he touch you son?'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` Shut up, I do n't need that right now. Just tell me how long this stuff is supposed to last.'' 
 
 
 Dave: `` 4-6 hours. For a kid his age probably a little bit more. You may want to keep an eye on him, make sure he does n't do anything crazy.'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` Yeah, you're right.'' Aight then, I got ta take care of this.'' 
 
 
 *Still Laughing* 
 Dave: `` Good luck... I have no clue what you are talking about.'' 
 
 *Uncle Sam hangs up and proceeds to check on the kid just to see that he's nowhere to be found.'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` Damnit! Where'd he go?'' Ah!!! My brother is gon na kill me if he finds out.'' 
 
 *In a calming manner'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` Hey, pal, where are you?'' 
 
 
 * No answer* 
 
 
 *Uncle Sam's heart sinks, he begins to worry. But then he sees the ninjas on the TV pop out, and out of nowhere, the kid appears. * 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` Whew! Thought I lost you.'' 
 
 
 *Kids blank* 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` How you feeling?'' 
 
 
 *Still no answer* 
 
 
 Uncle Sam begins to get paranoid. Starting to realize something that he had long forgotten. Slowly but surely, he starts to recollect his thoughts. 
 
 
 *The TV goes Naruto: `` Shadow Clone Jutsu!'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam flips out, the kid begins to multiply, replicating the show. 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` No, no, no. This ca n't be happening. 
 
 
 *The kid fades away and vanishes again* 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` No, no.'' 
 
 
 *Uncle Sam begins to hear a ringing in his head and voices from the sky begin to follow. He steps outside clinching his head, trying to make sense of it all. * 
 
 
 *Two shadows emerge* 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` What do you want from me, what is going on, What's happening?'' 
 
 
 Voice 1: Sam! Sam! Stop! 
 Voice 2: You're gon na be alright Sam, just take some deep breathes... Slowly... In and out, in and out. 
 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` No, no, what are you talking about.'' 
 
 *Uncle Sam had forgotten that he had actually taken the dose and had been hallucinating his fears, manifesting paranoia* 
 
 
 Voice 1 ( m ): `` It's gon na be alright Sam. You're gon na be alright.'' 
 Voice 2 ( d ): `` We need to get your clothes back on'' 
 Voice 1: `` See son that's why you do n't do drugs'' 
 
 Uncle Sam finally realize the situation that he is in. Snapping back to reality he finds himself butt-ass naked on the corner of the street gripping a lamp post. Two shadows hang over him* 
 
 
 *Perplexed* 
 
 Uncle Sam: What? What...? What's going on? 
 
 
 Mom ( m ): You're the most dim-witted, irresponsible, lazy, piece of shit of a brother! You could n't stay away from the drugs for 4 hours!? Really!? 
 
 
 Dad ( d ): `` Alright champ, let's get you back home.'' 
 
 
 Mom ( m ): I mean, seriously. You do this while babysitting my child!? 
 
 *Still dazed* 
 
 Uncle Sam: `` I-I- I do n't know what to say.'' 
 
 
 Mom ( m ): `` I swear, I could just...'' 
 
 
 Dad ( d ): `` I hope it was worth it.'' 
 
 
 Uncle Sam:... 
 
 
 Turns out, Uncle Sam took the drugs and had forgotten. Called Dave the Dealer for help. Dave had no idea what was going on. To his surprise, he had picked up the phone to a inconsistently babbling Uncle Sam. Dave was trying to calm him down, but Uncle Sam just kept rambling about losing the kid. The kid had locked himself in his bedroom and had called his parents, stating `` Uncle Dave is acting weird''. Uncle Sam hallucinated the entire conversation between him and Dave, and thought it best for himself to just strip and go looking for the kid, cause `` Everything is better when you're naked.'' 
 
 
 

