[ WP ] You 've been trained by the greatest and deadliest assassin in the world . You want to apply for a pizza delivery job ad .

“ So you think you got what it takes to deliver pizza for me? ” 
 
 Pixie Velorian nodded and stifled a snicker. “ Yeah, yeah I think I got what it takes. ” 
 
 “ You know, if people do n't get their Pizza on time they could get really angry. So I got ta know that you're reliable that you got what it takes to get the job done. ” 
 
 Again, Pixie stifled a snicker. “ No worries Mr. Panucci. I'm the girl for the job. You need a pizza delivered, you need a problem solved, you need someone maybe, oh I do n't know, erased, I can get it done. ” 
 
 “ Someone? ” 
 
 “ Ha! Must have been a slip of the tongue. I meant something. You know, like your chalkboard, if you need it erased. ” 
 
 “ Oh. You got a reliable vehicle? Cuz if it's not there in 30 minutes we have to give them the pizza for free. And that's coming out of your salary! I ai n't payin for no pizza cuz your crap car broke down. ” 
 
 Pixie nodded and looked around the grimy pizza shop. “ Here's the way I look at it. You need some pizzas delivered, it's not exactly rocket science now is it? Give me the pizza, I ’ ll run them out, collect the cash, bring it back here, do it all over again. If I do n't work out you're out the cost of a few shitty pizzas right? No big deal. ” 
 
 “ Listen sweetheart, I got a reputation to uphold here! I do n't sell no shity pizzas! ” Mr. Panucci looked suspiciously around and lowered his voice. “ Before I can decide whether I'm going to give you this job or not, I got a little, what you call it, a little extracurricular assignment. ” 
 
 “ What'd you say to me? ” 
 
 “ You heard me, ” Mr. Panucci said. “ Extracurricular you know the kind of stuff you do that's extra. The kind of stuff that makes sure you land the job. ” 
 
 Pixie Velorian eyed him dangerously. “ Did you call me sweetheart? ” 
 
 “ Ahhh, You not one of them broads is you? All stuck-up and prudish? This ai n't one of them La tea da equal opportunity places. We do real work here. ” 
 
 Pixie Velorian nodded her head and stifled another snicker, her vestigial fangs just barely sneaking out from behind her lips. “ Let me make sure I understand correctly, sometimes I'm a little thick, I got to have things spelled out for me, you understand right? In order to get this job delivering your s***** pizzas I need to, what, let you take me to the back room try me out on a casting couch back there? ” 
 
 “ That ’ s the general idea. You got a problem with that you can head out the same door you came in through. ” 
 
 Pixie nodded and grinned again, This time not bothering to try and hide her teeth. 
 “ Do you interview all of your delivery drivers like this? I'm new to your city and I'm not familiar with your customs yet. This is what it takes to get a job delivering your s*** pizzas? ” 
 
 “ Standard business practice, ” old Mr. Panucci leered and scratched his crotch. 
 
 Pixie nodded and removed her leather jacket. “ All right. Let's go into that back room of yours. But I got a couple quick questions for you. I do n't really like complications in my life so, just before we do this, you got a wife? ” 
 
 “ No sweetheart, no wife. ” 
 
 “ You got a girlfriend, maybe a boyfriend on the side? You got a roommate? Mom or dad? Weekly poker night? Anything like that? ” 
 
 “ No one's going to interrupt us if that's what you're asking, ” grimy old Mr. Panucci said. 
 
 “ So let's say, hypothetically speaking of course, I like what you have and how you give it to me. Let's say I want to drop in on you couple of times. Maybe I want to drop in on you on you at your home. Anybody going to come knocking on your door, anybody gon na come looking for you? ” 
 
 “ No doll face, ai n't nobody going to come looking for me. ” 
 
 Pixie Velorian smiled again, this time a full-lipped and malicious grin. Her vestigial fangs now clearly visible. Harry old Mr. Panucci noticed her fangs but the allure of her young body classified the teeth as unimportant. “ Okay, let's see that back room of yours. ” 
 
 ❦ 
 
 Pixie looked around The filthy and dimly lit room that clearly served as his living quarters. Mr. Panucci eagerly began removing his own clothes. 
 
 “ I just realized you forgot to ask about my prior work history, ” Pixie said. 
 
 “ Dollface I do n't give a s*** about your prior work history. ” 
 
 “ No, I think it's important. I think maybe you should know. I mean, after all this is a job interview and I want to make sure that my job interviewing skills are high. ” 
 
 “ Just take your top off, ” Mr. Panucci said and pointed at the mattress on the floor. 
 
 “ See before I interviewed for this job to deliver your illustrious pizza's I was an assassin. ” 
 
 “ What? ” 
 
 “ Yeah, I kind of just fell into it. You could say I'm in between jobs right now. 
 Assassination contracts, that's what we call them in the business. And when I say in between jobs I mean in between killing the last person and killing the next person. ” 
 
 “ You got ta be s****** me, get your top off get on that bed. ” 
 
 Pixie gave a predatory sideways grin. “ That's a pretty loose definition of bed, but I'll let it slide. You see normally people pay quite a bit of money for my contracts. I just need a stupid s***** job in this stupid s*** city so I do n't attract any attention to myself. No one's going to go suspecting Mr. Panucci ’ s delivery driver. But, you're such a peach, and you were interested in my, how did you phrase it, my extracurricular activities, so I figured hey what the heck I'll give you a sample for free. ” 
 
 “ Look dollface- ” Mr. Paniuchi said towering over Pixie. 
 
 Old Mr. Panicuhi choked on those words. Or, more specifically, was dragged to the ground and had his throat lacerated. 
 
 ❦ 
 
 Pixie dipped her hands into an open tub of pizza sauce, swirled them around a little, and then wiped the pizza sauce and blood mixture onto an already stained dishrag. She cracked her neck and looked out the window into the bright spring sun wondering what she would do the rest of the day. 
 “ Maybe I could be a barista, ” she said out loud as she picked up her leather jacket. “ Or maybe I ’ ll just take the rest of the day off. ” 
 
 Pixie looked around the shop, picked up a large slice of the last pizza old Mr. Paniuchi would ever make and took a large bite as she walked out and into the sunlight. 
 
 The pizza wasn ’ t half bad. 
 
 
 

