[ WP ] You reject someone by saying `` I 'll go on a date with you the day hell freezes over . '' The next day , Satan appears in your room , shivering , and covered in snow .

This was n't something I wanted to advertise, and I feel rather embarrassed that I have to write this down for you to read now, but due to current events I have no choice but to explain myself fully. 
 
 Satan and I go way back. He's my best friend actually. When I was a young boy living in the shit hole that was London, my entire family was killed by the black plague. I remember sitting in our infested home, painful expressions etched into my family's faces, black dots on their skin. I was too young to have anywhere else to go, and no one would come for me since our entire neighborhood had perished due to the disease, and so I sat alone and waited for death to find me as it had done for everyone else I had known. 
 
 But instead of death knocking at my door, it was a tall, lean man with scares on his face and a smile most unpleasant. He strode into my home, knocking over glasses as he went, laughing in the faces of my family's misfortune. It took him a few minutes to realize that I was there, and that I was breathing. 
 
 `` Blast,'' he said, `` I thought I'd gotten them all.'' 
 
 He approached me swiftly, like a cat encircling his food. I hardly moved away from his horrible appearance. He reeked of death and dirt and I felt his presence like a weight on my chest. I know that this was the moment that I would die and I awaited its warm embrace to take me from my cold home. 
 
 The man pushed his nose inches from my flushed cheeks. His auburn-red eyes looked me up and down, lingering on my sad eyes. He stood up and put his hand on his chin. 
 
 `` Hum,'' he said. `` Perhaps...'' 
 
 Deep in thought, he walked away, walking the length of the shadowy room like a shark encircling its prey. Every so often he would glance my direction, and I allowed myself to fall closer and closer to the floor. I would never climb the big tree in our front yard, I would never get to kiss the beautiful girl who lived next door, and I would never know what it felt like to be an adult. I had experienced more pain, suffering, and fear in the last few months that nothing really surprised me anymore. With flushed cheeks I watched the man as the anger in his eyes melted into something else. I think now that it was dark determination, but at the time I fancied it might have been empathy or affection. 
 
 `` Do you know who your father was?'' The man said. His voice echoed around me, bouncing off my families memories and hitting me on all sides. 
 
 `` Mr. Wallace.'' I said lightly. My voice was raspy as no water had touched my lips in days. `` He... he was a wealthy Captain. A great man on the sea.'' 
 
 `` No,'' the man said, `` Your father was not a man on the sea. He was a man of the sea. A man who controlled the sea. And now he's dead. And you have no idea what you are.'' The man grinned. 
 
 `` I may have some use for you yet.'' 
 
 The rest of my childhood plays back to me in pictures of magnificent views and wealth. The man adopted me and I soon came to realize that he was the most horrid person I had ever had the misfortune to know. But he was also fantastically different and magical. He could pursue anyone to do anything he wanted. He could make people suffer for giving him news he did n't want to hear, he could reward those who did well by him with the snap of his fingers, and he never aged. We walked together through the centuries, spilling misfortune on those who crossed us, and I was taught to believe, to understand, that I was different too. And I was special. Not just a man but a God. 
 
 I began to go by the name Devarajas meaning `` King of Gods,'' and I slowly began to forget my mortality as if it had been a dream. I could n't remember suffering, and nor did I want to. I was a King. I was a ruler of the Underworld, and I was capable of the most horrible of things. I brought plagues upon lands and scorched entire villages to the ground. I bathed in their screams, the most soothing of sounds, and I loved every minute of it. 
 
 Satan began to refer to me as his son. The heir to his Kingdom. And I accepted without a second thought. For I was Devar. I was important. And anyone who disagreed would burn. 
 
 I am not certain how many years went by, but I grew from a young flushed cheeked boy into a strong, wealthy, and handsome man. I seemed to never age past twenty seven, and I took advantage of my own beauty and position everywhere that I went. I stole men's wives and never felt a single moment of regret. It was a fun past time for me to ruin entire civilizations, and to always have my real home, Hell, to go back to when things got too much out of control. 
 
 The day that I met Elior is one that I will never forgot, and one that will plague me for all of eternity. Elior was the most wonderful woman I had ever met or laid eyes upon. She was the daughter and prize of the most respected landowner in my new little village, and she walked around with rosy cheeks and a dazzling smile. I became enchanted by her and knew that she was the next thing I wanted to add to my collection. 
 
 `` You should not distract yourself with silly, pretty, mortals.'' Satan said as I told him of her beauty and how I had become entrapped by her. `` Women are not what you should be focusing on right now. We have greater plans Devar. I forbid your pursuit.'' 
 
 `` But Father,'' I said, `` I can not forget her. She is a mere mortal. She and I can live a mortal life and then I will still have all eternity to be your heir and keep my mind on our mission.'' 
 
 `` My answer is firm,'' Satan said, `` You shall not pursue her. And that is final.'' 
 
 I left his kingdom annoyed, but I was never very good at doing what I was told. I followed Elior and the more I saw her, the more I wanted her. And since she was forbidden, I wanted to have her with more intensity than before. 
 
 The first night I interacted with her we were attending a masquerade. She was dressed in a flowing, large purple and blue dress. Her mask was made from diamonds and her father paraded her and her mask around, bragging about his wealth to anyone and everyone who would listen. I approached them slowly, like a lion perusing his prey. 
 
 `` I had to pay more money than I originally planned,'' Elior's father was saying as I approached, `` but my little light is well worth the transaction.'' 
 
 `` She does look stunning,'' I said, `` Like an angel. May I have the next dance?'' 
 
 `` Why a wealthy and respected man like yourself can dance with her all night!'' Her father said, `` And do feel free to offer up a wedding proposal if you must!'' He winked and Elior's cheeks flushed beneath her mask. I took her hand in mine. Her fingers were cool to my touch. I wrapped her entire hand in my palm and spun her about the dance floor. 
 
 The rest of the evening rushed past me like a blurred painting. People came and went. They laughed and talked. They danced and sat. But all I saw was Elior. And all I wanted to see was her. She had ensnared me like a spider and as she kissed my neck later that evening I lost all my previous intentions. I wanted her as my wife. My equal. 
 
 `` Sometimes,'' she whispered in the darkest shadows of the night that evening. Her purple dress flowing in the wind. Her blue eyes dancing with mischief. `` Sometimes I get the feeling that I want to break up a marriage or ruin someone's life just for the fun of it.'' Her breath kissed my cheek. `` Do you feel like that sometimes?'' 
 
 The next few years she and I danced around life together, but she was leading. Before I knew it she had taken complete control over everything. My entire house had changed its appearance. I was now not allowed to do certain things I wanted to, and for a while her mind and her beauty was fulfilling enough for me to not care for what I had lost. But soon I grew bored of her and felt the impulse to move away again and start all over again. Elior was not pleased by my new calling. 
 
 The day I tried to end it she clung to my arm, digging her feet into the ground and shaking her face into my shoulder. 
 
 `` You shall not leave me!'' she said, `` You are to marry me! You promised! We had a life together.'' 
 
 `` Darling,'' I said, `` I will marry you when Hell freezes over! This is final.'' 
 
 I walked away from her. Feeling a calm wash over me. I was free from her manipulative ways. I was free to live for myself once more. 
 
 I traveled all through the night and when I arrived at the next town over I was surprised to see the entire place was completely covered in snow. I dismounted from my horse, walking around the dead, frozen corpses, confused and bewildered. It was the middle of summer. 
 
 `` You idiot!'' A familiar voice boomed around me, `` Now you've done it! You stupid, spoiled little brat!'' 
 
 `` Father?'' I said, walking around a corner and towards the voice. I stopped in my tracks as an image I never thought I would see shivered before me. Satan was completely covered in snow. His once bright red skin was now covered in a blue layer of ice. The man of fire had been completely frozen over. `` What happened to you?'' 
 
 `` You happened to me!'' He said, `` I told you to stay away from that... that witch! And instead you slept with her, broke up with her, AND gave her the right ground to cast a spell that can kill our entire operation!'' 
 
 `` What are you talking about?'' I said. 
 
 `` I'm talking about the idiot I adopted to challenged a witch to freeze hell over!'' He said, throwing his hands up in frustration, `` And now look what happened! You need to fix this!'' 
 
 WIP 
 

