[ CW ] Write a story about a parent teaching their kid ( s ) about sex , but the parent can only speak in metaphors and similes .

`` Johnny?'' 
 
 `` Dad?'' 
 
 `` I see you have been looking on the internet for naked women. I think it's time we had the talk.'' His son was 11, old enough to learn about sex. 
 
 `` What talk??'' Johnny began to blush. He was caught and did n't understand what they were going to talk about. 
 
 `` It's time we talked about what happens when two people love each other very much and they decide it's time to call the stork... a woman and a man become like peanut butter and jelly.'' The father knew this was going to be hard. 
 
 `` What do you mean Dad?'' He loved peanut butter and jelly. It was his favorite sandwich. 
 
 `` Uh... well. You know how a man has a race car in his pants?'' 
 
 `` Ya! My race car is small. Yours is big!'' He saw it in the shower. 
 
 `` Aherm! Well that vehicle will eventually find a garage.'' His son clearly did n't understand. The father continued to try and explain. `` As a man it is your job to eventually park your car in a clean garage, not some filthy parking lot. This also means you need to regularly wash your motorcycle so you do n't dirty up your engine.'' 
 
 The son was getting annoyed. He had no idea what his father was talking about. His motorcycle did n't want to go into any garages, it was fine where it was. 
 
 `` Son, do you know about the bird and the bees? Did n't they teach you at school?'' 
 
 `` Ya, they taught us about different types of bird and bees. What does this have to do with my motorcycle?'' As the son finished the sentence, the mother and the sister walked in. 
 
 `` I overheard a bit of the green eggs and ham discussion. I will take it from here mister!'' The Mother was clearly ready for this conversation. She pulled up a chair next to Johnny. `` See, that little squirt gun in your pants will one day be a rifle. You need to make sure that you are properly cleaning and testing your weapon so that you do n't hurt anyone. Furthermore, you ca n't just walk around with your toy waving around in people's faces. You will need a protective sleeve that will prevent the gun from going off and calling the stork.'' 
 
 The dad comes back into the conversation, `` Look, it's like this. You have a sea cucumber while girls have sea shells. The sea cucumber will go back and forth in the sea shell until it shoots out it's white intestines. However, you have to make sure that the intestines do n't go inside the seashell, unless you want the stork to come. Instead you want to cover the sea cucumber in a plastic bag.'' Johnny was very confused but he did n't want to admit it. 
 
 `` So?'' His mother asked. `` Do you understand now?'' Johnny nodded his head and put on his best smile. 
 
 `` Now get off the computer and stop looking for...'' He glanced at his wife and decided not to embarrass Johnny, `` naked mole rats. I have a book for you to read in the study.'' His parents left the room happy with themselves, assuming they had gotten the point across. 
 
 
 
 
 Then his sister approached, who was 13. She got up really close to him and whispered in his ear, `` If you try and put your crotch rocket in any of my friend's garages, I will rip off it's wheels.'' 
 
 

