[ WP ] Last night 3 billion humans received emails from 3 billion aliens . They say they want to be our pen pals . The aliens are real . But what do they really want from us ?

This time, the news was real. 
 
 15 minutes of tape, 200 computers, 12 satellite dishes, countless tiny shifts unregistered by human eyes, 200 million dollars, 4 months, 3800 workers, a virtual community set up underneath the massive circulating disks, their gyrations splitting the air into terrifying shrieks, and 4 persons tasked with an enormous duty all came to a pinpoint standstill as cameras and relay stations and televisions and steaming video centered and became focused. The images of the four adventurers along the platform leading to the middle of the production were only hundreds of milliseconds later plastered on the screens of the populace but inspired an awe of incredible magnitude, and the margins of time as perceived began to subtly shift, as the moment slowly raced in only a heart-beat's time. The design of the vestments adorned by the crew of four was thick, undoubtedly designed with some protection from incendiary sources, and the attached helmets were connected to breathing apparatus of some type. They walked somewhat quickly and distinctly in place with one another until they had descended onto the inner platform which was recessed into the outer wall of the inside column. As immediate as the steps they took placed them firmly into the device's sphere, an image became projected onto a flat surface on the interior wall of the oddly shaped nook. It was difficult to fathom. Blinking red every 2 and half seconds, an image of a letter had appeared, just of the sort you might get in the mail, perhaps, the postage mail that is, with the delivery persons and the air shipping and so on. The travelers stood, not idle, but coerced by this absurd provocation into abject motionless stupor. One in particular succumbed to vertigo, although he had not had any problems in training, and became visibly nauseous. After several minutes of regaining their wherewithal, they proceeded to gravitate towards the intermittently oscillating image. The one in front reached out and touched it. `` You've got mail!'' a thunderous voice bellowed as though belted out of an oversized subwoofer resonating through a humongous redwood. Almost instantaneously, the ding of ipads, the buzz of phones, the bold text of computers notified the world that they too had mail. The historical significance of this occurrence can not be overstated because this was directly preceding the great candy crush epidemic of 2063 when we agreed to collectively block any further notices regarding high scores in candy crush saga, regardless of alien origin. Some historians and historical psychologists have referred to this period and the resultant friends-list sanction as the'great candy crush embargo' because of the significance of its impact on inter-species as well as cross-planetary relations ( the Wisconsin School of critical alien theory pertains to this specific curio of history as a large portion of the area which is all the more surprising considering it was one of the hardest hit areas in the farmville fiasco of 2053 as well as the Bieber Affaire, which had virtually crippled the sale of in-game items across the midwest making the dakotian currency deflate to worthless levels. What was most surprising was the midwest regime's insistence on persecuting the former pop-star, regardless of wrongdoing. In so doing, they had effectively turned what was considered to be a *vice* into a *crime*, reversing the traditional mode of guilt and punishment into a hyper-individualist institution where the fragile facade of popular opinion could easily give way into mob rule and totalitarian social patterns. ) 
 

