[ WP ] You move into a new apartment and quickly discover that your bathroom is a time machine .

Tim drunkenly stumbles into his apartment, flops down onto the couch, groans, gets back up and stumbles into the bathroom. After getting somewhere in the neighbour hood of 60 percent of his urine into the bowl and definitely washing his hands once and possibly three times he opens the door walks out and makes it three steps before banging into the wall. 
 
 He steps back and groans. 
 
 `` Stupid wall'' he says as he punches the scaly wall. 
 
 Wait. 
 
 The wall roars and turns to face him, at which point Tim realizes it's actually a T-rex. 
 
 `` Oh fuck'' says Tim, diving back into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. 
 
 He sits against it breathing heavily. 
 
 `` What. The shit. Was that?'' he says. 
 
 He stands up, opens the door and peaks out, then opens it all the way. 
 
 Where his hall should be, the war of independence is happening. 
 
 `` Uhm'' 
 
 `` What is that?'' says a soldier 
 
 `` I do n't know let's shoot it'' says another 
 
 `` Oh fuck'' says Tim, slamming the door shut. 
 
 A round punches through the door, sending splinters of wood into his ear. 
 
 `` Fuck'' he says, opening the door without thinking. 
 
 The door opened onto a dirt path where three men wearing red were sitting on horses. 
 
 `` Well I was n't expecting that'' says Tim. 
 
 The men stare at him. 
 
 `` Yeah I guess that's…yeah.'' 
 
 He shuts the door again and opens it to two robots with badges welded on to their chests. 
 
 `` You have committed crimes against the space time continuum for which the punishment is death'' 
 
 `` Nope'' says Tim closing the door. 
 
 Opens it to a desert wasteland where one car covered in spikes chases another car covered in spikes. 
 
 `` Nope'' 
 
 Opens it to a kind singing a document. 
 
 `` Nope'' 
 
 Opens it to a man with some shit on his lip. 
 
 `` No…no wait, ahem, Mein Furher'' says Tim, motioning Hitler into the bathroom. 
 
 He gives him a swirly but does n't kill him because he still holds out hope he'll make it back to the present and if there's one thing that can screw up the present it's killing Hitler. 
 
 Tim pushes a baffled Hitler out of the bathroom then closes the door and opens it to his apartment. 
 
 `` Better'' he says. 
 
 He walks out into the living room. 
 
 `` Who the fuck are you'' says three years older Tim. 
 
 `` Calm down I'm you from the past, bathroom's a time machine, I'd suggest not using it but it's your life,'' Tim turns to future him's female company then back to future him `` Good job us'' 
 
 `` Wha…'' 
 
 `` Alright I'm drunk and tired and…is the holocaust still a thing?'' 
 
 `` Y…yes'' says future Tim 
 
 `` Good, good. Hitler right?'' 
 
 `` Yes'' 
 
 `` Alright good'' then seeing their horrified faces `` not good good but you know, did n't fuck up history'' to future Tim's company `` Seriously, not a racist'' 
 
 They stare at him. 
 
 `` Cool. Well I'm going to crash on the floor if robots show up we were hear all night. Alright'' Tim lies down on the floor and goes to sleep.
