[ WP ] `` You may have one wish granted . '' `` I want all my debts cleared . '' `` How much do you owe ? '' `` You misunderstand . My debts are not monetary . ''

`` Oh, also - does it matter how much I owe? As a genie ca n't you just clear them using your genie-magic?'' 
 
 `` Well, no. It does n't really work like that. I'd have to call the banks and get a payoff amount'' 
 
 `` Right, but they're not monetary.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, I heard you say that. I'm just explaining since you asked. Usually you have to pay the interest that you own through the day we decide to pay off the loan. Also there might be a prepayment penalty with some loans. The whole process is n't too bad if you just tell me you're ready now. I can probably make some calls. Shoot, the banks are closed right now. We'll have to wait until Monday and circle back.'' 
 
 `` Alright, I get it. Like I said, the debts are n't monetary, so it's not really an issue.'' 
 
 `` You do n't have any financial debts?'' 
 
 `` No.'' 
 
 `` Really, how?'' 
 
 `` I just do n't. It's like I keep saying - there are other sorts of debts. I make a lot of promises. You know - marriage vows, military oaths, legal contracts, election promises, different affirmations. That sort of thing.'' 
 
 `` Can I see your wallet?'' 
 
 `` Oh my God, fine. Here.'' 
 
 `` You have like 4 credit cards in here!'' 
 
 `` One of those is a Best Buy Reward Zone card.'' 
 
 `` You actually carry that around?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, of course. You get free Geek Squad setup for anything you buy.'' 
 
 `` Alright, but what about these two Visas and this American Express.'' 
 
 `` What about them?'' 
 
 `` They're credit cards! Do you use them?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, of course. Why else would I carry them around?'' 
 
 `` Well do you owe any money on them?'' 
 
 `` What do you mean?'' 
 
 `` You use them to pay for things, right?'' 
 
 `` That's what they're for.'' 
 
 `` Okay, so when you use them to pay for things, you pay the credit card company back the money, right?'' 
 
 `` I do n't follow.'' 
 
 `` When you use these you have to pay the money back.'' 
 
 `` You do?'' 
 
 `` Yes! How often do you use these?'' 
 
 `` Every day, pretty much. That's how I got the lamp you came out of just now.'' 
 
 `` How much was that? Just curious.'' 
 
 `` They wanted $ 40, but I talked them down to $ 30.'' 
 
 `` That's it?! I'm worth way more than that! People have killed for this lamp!'' 
 
 `` Sorry man, but it's almost lunch. Can we just get back to clearing my debts?'' 
 
 `` Fine. But I ca n't believe you got this thing for $ 30; that's bullshit. Alright, dude - I'm going to level with you. From talking to you for the last couple of minutes I can tell you that you definitely have monetary debts, and they're probably significant.'' 
 
 `` Well, I did n't really come here for financial advice. What are you, r/personalfinance?'' 
 
 `` There's nothing wrong with being financially responsible.'' 
 
 `` I bought you for $ 30.'' 
 
 `` Touché.'' 
 
 `` Look man, can you just start with my marriage vows and we can go from there? Maybe if we have time we can tackle this whole credit card thing you keep harping on.'' 
 
 `` You want to cancel your marriage vows?'' 
 
 `` I do n't want to cancel them, I just want to walk them back a bit. You know - clear out some of the promises I made. You know, you get up there on the wedding day and there's a lot of pressure. You just sort of say what you think sounds good, then you get nervous, and all of a sudden you're making all kinds of promises you ca n't keep.'' 
 
 `` You did n't write your wedding vows down beforehand?'' 
 
 `` No, I wanted it to seem sincere.'' 
 
 `` What did you say?'' 
 
 `` The regular stuff. I take her to be my wife. In sickness and in health.'' 
 
 `` And you're still good with that part, right?'' 
 
 `` Yeah. That part is good. And then the love and honor thing, and that I'd share her dreams, build a life, and so on.'' 
 
 `` Still good.'' 
 
 `` Yeah still good. But like I said, you start going through that list of things, and everyone's looking at you and wondering what else you'll say, and you start to panic. I mean, you do n't want to leave anything out.'' 
 
 `` Right, so what else did you say?'' 
 
 `` Well toward the end there, I said that I would always pay for the extra guacamole no matter what.'' 
 
 `` Oh no.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, and it was fine for a while, but with everything that's going on you can see what the issue is.'' 
 
 `` Oh no.'' 
 
 `` I know! I panicked! Can you fix this?!'' 
 
 `` The avocado thing, or the extra guacamole thing?'' 
 
 `` Well shit, I had n't really thought that far ahead. Which would you do?'' 
 
 `` I'd probably do the avocado thing, honestly. But that means I ca n't clear these debts.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, but *guacamole* man.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, this is a tough call. I mean, it's really up to you. Like I said, it sounds like you have a lot of monetary debt.'' 
 
 `` I still do n't really get all that, but maybe let's do the avocado thing. Seems like the better move.'' 
 
 `` It's really probably not, but I can do it.'' 
 
 `` Yeah let's do it.'' 
 
 `` Alright, done.'' 
 
 `` Done?'' 
 
 `` Yep.'' 
 
 `` You did n't have to make any calls or anything like you would have for the debts?'' 
 
 `` Nope.'' 
 
 `` Fucking banks.'' 
 
 `` Totally.''
