[ WP ] `` You may have one wish granted . '' `` I want all my debts cleared . '' `` How much do you owe ? '' `` You misunderstand . My debts are not monetary . ''

``... Or, well,'' the adventurer continued, `` the most *important* debts are not monetary. There are certainly a few debt collectors I'd like to not have to worry about.'' 
 
 `` All right,'' I said. `` What other debts do you wish cleared?'' 
 
 `` Three debts, each of which binds my soul. Twice over, I owe my life to Deward Hasts, which is more than a debt of gratitude. Until I have returned the favor, saving his life twice, or dying in the attempt, my soul can not float free to the afterlife. That debt, I would see cancelled.'' 
 
 `` Hold on a moment,'' I interjected. `` First off, what maniac wastes a life-binding spell on the same target twice? Most *deities* would balk at that sort of waste. And second, if it's MORE than a debt of gratitude, that strongly imply that you like the guy, even though if you had n't picked up my ring, you'd probably have ended up wandering the earth forever!'' 
 
 `` You are making a crucial assumption- that the life-binding originated with Hasts. It was, in fact, a side-effect of *my* magic, and I would prefer wandering the earth to what would have awaited me without your assistance. Therefore, I shall not permit you to harm Hasts in fulfilling my wish. Let that one debt stand, rather than harm him.'' 
 
 I heaved a sigh. Naturally. Naturally it's some convoluted magical pact that I've got ta figure out how to unravel. What happened to the days when all they wanted was money? Money I've got. `` Ok. What about the other two?'' 
 
 `` I owe 20 total centuries of labor in the afterlife to several celestial organizations. That debt, too, I would like taken care of.'' 
 
 Oh, fer crying out loud... `` No chance you'll settle for a reduced sentence? They tend to be willing to compromise, but they do n't like it when someone just skimps out, no matter how they do it.'' 
 
 `` No.'' 
 
 Welp. Worth a shot. `` Mind telling me what you're doing penance for?'' 
 
 `` I promised that to get celestial agents off my back. I have n't, technically, done anything to wrong them, but I owe my soul in perpetuity to a particularly nasty demon, whose name I wo n't bother trying to pronounce. Might alert him to what I'm up to, anyway. I do n't think he can interfere, but I do n't want to run the risk. That, by the way, is the last debt.'' 
 
 And the trifecta. Could n't have been in debt to an actual deity, I could have called the whole thing impossible and been done with it. Could n't be anything *simple*, of course. I miss the days when the complicated customers were the ones where I needed to get them gold *and* hookers. 
 
 I could, technically, have just brute-forced it. I had the oomph. Your oomph regenerates slowly, when you're a ring spirit, but I'd been here for nearly as long as humanity had been on the planet. Unfortunately, that particular solution would set me back several centuries, and there might be more whackmobiles like the one wearing me on his finger right now in the centuries to come. 
 
 At least the money bit would n't be an issue. Some nice, effective magical investments around the time the concept of money had come into being, and I was so rich ( in mortal money ) that I did n't even know how many times over I could buy the whole world. The non-money issues... ugh. Do you have any idea how awful it is to get a headache when you do n't even have a head? It freaking SUCKS. 
 
 `` OK. Why do n't you write down who you owe actual money too, and how much, and I'll start making some calls and figuring this mess out.'' 
 
... 
 
 OK, good news, the celestials are willing to seriously reduce his debt if he manages to get out of his debt to the demon. They're not quite willing to let it go, but they dropped it low enough that I can pay it off with magic, no real problem. The demon himself... 
 
 Those guys do NOT like it when you cross them. The celestials wo n't like that I cancelled the rest of this freaks service with magic, but the worst they'll do is file a complaint that wo n't get processed'till after the heat death of the universe. And they probably wo n't even do that, frankly. 
 
 They are usually willing to deal, but do I have anything to offer the guy? Or any favors to call in? 
 
 Hmmmmmm... 
 
... 
 
 `` Ok, I've got it all figured out. You're not gon na like all of it, but it'll work. You done writing?'' 
 
 `` Almost. Just four or five more.'' 
 
 I had assumed that the adventurer would be bored out of his mind by the time I got finished, since it had taken me several hours to get everything sorted out. But, no, there was a stack of paper two feet high, each sheet with details of a monetary debt owed. I had, at first, been curious about what sort of life this adventurer led, but now I was quite certain I did not want to know. 
 
 ``....aaaaaand done. Now, what's the plan?'' 
 
 `` Remember, you're not going to like all of it.'' 
 
 `` I'll like it if it works. Again, what is the plan?'' 
 
 `` Well, the celestials will let you mostly off the hook if you get out of the demonic debt, and I can cancel what's left with magic. I had to spend a lot of money to do it, but I managed to get a chain of favors going with a lot of demonic beings, and managed to trade all of that to your demon in exchange for letting you go free. So that's taken care of.'' 
 
 `` Sounds workable enough. What's the bit I'm not going to like?'' 
 
 `` Cancelling the magic of your life-debt would be extremely complicated and magic-intensive. So, we're going to do this the old fashioned way. You're going to save his life right back from assassins I hired. Twice.'' 
 
 `` I *specifically said* that I did n't want Hasts to be harmed!'' 
 
 `` And if you stop the assassins, he wo n't be. They'll be instructed to kill you first if you try to stop them, so you wo n't need to worry about him becoming collateral damage or anything. And besides, you're kinda pissing me off.'' 
 
 ``... Fine. Do n't forget to take care of the-'' 
 
 `` Already done.'' 
 
 `` Fine. FINE!'' 
 
 And the ring comes off. And... c'mon... yes, there's the throw! Nice arc, bounce, ricochet, bounce, bounce-bounce-bounce. Would have been nice to have landed under something, but I'm nice and out of the way here. Should have a fair while all to myself. Take some me-time after that debacle. 
 
... I said me-time. Go away!
