[ WP ] `` Before we allow humankind to live among us in the stars , tell us the faults of your kind . ''

`` That depends on who you listen to,'' said Rodney Dangerfield. `` If you listen to my wife, every damn thing is my fault! No respect, I tell you, No RE-SPECT!'' 
 
 Mr. Dangerfield stood before the bulbous headed, Eb-Teklor, Cha'Khul of the Inter-Galactic Life Council and 38 representatives from different planets behind him. Eb-Teklor used electric impulses to stimulate Dangerfield's brain to hear his thoughts like telepathy. To Rodney, it felt like gravy melting down a Klondike Bar. 
 
 `` Human, do you understand the importance of this moment? We have selected you because it is clear humans look up to you. We have seen large posters of you beside your transportation paths and witnessed droves paying homage to you in large, lit buildings.'' 
 
 Rodney smoothed the front of his suit and straightened his tie. A droplet of sweat fell to the floor of the spacecraft. 
 
 `` Listen buddy, you got it all wrong, all wrong. I'm a nobody! Heck, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.'' 
 
 The council members stared at the bug-eyed human before them. 
 
 `` They're far more primitive than we thought,'' sighed Kar'Thunda of Gromia under his breath. 
 
 `` Easy pal, easy does it. You ca n't judge a book by it's cover. Boy, when I was born my parents were expecting a cute kid, but when I came out the doc gave me a look, flipped me over to slap my butt and told my mother I had two heads. I'm on the level with you guys!'' 
 
 Bloupbooble of Calthonia gurgled a chiding noise. 
 
 `` Oh man! Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it!'' 
 
 Eb-Teklor melded with Dangerfield again. Rodney started thumping his left foot down while the signal was passed. 
 
 `` Human, please. Your lack of seriousness proves you have not distanced yourself from your simian ancestors enough. Pass the word on to your people that we will return again in 100,000 earth years and with us we shall bring technology advanced technology and the means to eradicate disease and misery.'' 
 
 Rodney wiped a patch of sweat from his brow and reeled backward. 
 
 `` Simian? That's like a monkey, right? That reminds me. I used to work in a pet store when I was a kid. Every day people would come up to the owner and ask how big I'd ge..'' 
 
 A bright flash and hiss of smoke filled the spot on the teleportation platform where the comedian had been standing. 
 
 Bloupbooble of Calthonia looked at Eb-Teklor and crinkled up his eye-tubes and drained his fluid pouch on the floor and extended his speaking tube. Eb-Taluk looked at the fish-like man quizzically, as he rarely said anything. 
 
 `` He's so ugly, I bet his mother fed him with a slingshot,'' the fish-man gurgled. 
 
 
 
 

