[ WP ] Everything has a small arrow and the word `` upgrade '' over it . Press it and you can upgrade the item into a better verison . You 've used the abikity sparingly , new phones , better cars , however today you made the ultimate mistake . You pressed the button over a person .

My life was miserable. 
 
 And this piece of shit was really getting on my nerves. 
 
 I am a master of my craft. I studied for years under the greatest concert pianists alive today. I have performed for thousands to a standing ovation. I can sight-read any piece of music put in front of me, no matter how difficult. My ears can pick out any note from a chord. I have transcribed countless orchestral pieces by ear alone. And yet, he still insists that I must have *misheard* him. 
 
 `` Excuse me, I asked for decaf,'' he insisted, not realizing how ridiculous he sounded. 
 
 `` No, I definitely would have heard that. And it does n't say decaf on your receipt.'' 
 
 `` Then you must have put it in wrong. I always get decaf. I come into this cafe every day and get the same thing.'' 
 
 `` It's the only explanation. I'll have you know that I have transcribed...'' I started, but he cut me off. 
 
 `` There's no way I can even drink caffeinated coffee.'' He was getting angry now. `` It makes me too jittery, and I ca n't have my hands shaking at all! Can you imagine if my hand were to shake even the slightest bit while performing surgery? Your mistake could have cost lives, young man! If I... WHAT THE FUCK!?!'' he exclaimed. 
 
 While he was talking about how *important* he is, I got fed up with him. There had to be a better version of him that was n't such a goddamn asshole so... I pressed his upgrade button. 
 
 `` Did you just press my button?'' he shouted, incredulously. 
 
 `` Yes I did,'' I calmly replied. `` It looks like it did n't work because you're still a colossal hell-cunt, but maybe you have a super power or something.'' 
 
 `` But... you ca n't just press someone's button.'' 
 
 `` Well you did n't blow up or anything like that, so I suppose you should really be thanking me.'' Pressing someone's upgrade button was illegal, because it could work in unexpected ways. Some people would get unexpectedly stronger, and the rapid muscle growth could hospitalize them. Some people just exploded, although doctors have n't been able to figure out exactly what causes that one. I knew it was a risk, but I had been talked down to enough already today. His button was glowing red just above his head, absolutely begging to be pushed. 
 
 His jaw had n't picked up off the floor since I had done it. `` But, that's illegal! What the fuck were you thinking? You could have killed me, hell you could have even killed yourself!'' 
 
 I sighed. `` That sounded like a good alternative to listening to you for another second.'' 
 
 His left hand balled into a fist while his right pointed a finger at me. `` I ca n't believe this! You broke the law! You violated me and put everyone in this cafe in danger! I'm calling the cops.'' He pulled out his cell phone and unlocked it. I could see him press 9 before I interjected. 
 
 `` Wait, wait, wait. There's got to be something else we can do. I'm sure I can make it up to you.'' 
 
 He looked at me skeptically. `` Really? I'm pretty sure you do n't have enough money to make a difference for me.'' 
 
 `` Any chance you need a pianist?'' I asked uncertainly. 
 
 `` What! No, I'm straight, you creep!'' He went back to his phone. 
 
 `` No, no! I'll let you push my button!'' I said so quickly I'm surprised he could understand me. I'm not sure why I said it, it's not like pushing my upgrade button would give him anything. But for some reason he paused. He turned to face me, and for the first time there was no anger. He seemed to consider it for a moment before responding. 
 
 `` Ok. But let's go into the corner booth, just in case.'' 
 
 I reluctantly came around the counter and walked to the corner with him. `` Alright,'' I started, `` I'm going to count down from three, and when I say'zero', you reach for the... WHAT THE FUCK!'' 
 
 I watched him draw his hand back from above my head. That fucker! He had pushed my button before I was ready! Although, come to think of it, I did agree to let him push it in the first place. If I was going to be honest with myself, I really should n't have told him to do that. I was just in such a bind at the time, I really could n't risk the police getting involved. And, in the interest of fairness, that bind was my fault in the first place. If I had n't tried to upgrade him, he would n't have had a reason to call the police. I should apologize, that was really a nasty thing to do to someone. 
 
 `` Look, I'm really sorry I pressed your button earlier. I was clearly in the wrong, and acted quite irresponsibly. The least I can do to make it up to you is remake your coffee. Might you like a free pastry as well?'' 
 
 The man stared at me dumbfounded, and then threw back his head and laughed.
