[ WP ] You are a `` normal '' person trying to fit in in a world where everyone is a psychopath .

There is something not correct about me. I often spend days staring out into the world and watching people as they walk by. 
 
 “ That person there! What is their name? What is their job? Where do they come from? ” 
 
 I noticed this oddity about myself when I was quite young. Growing up at the neighborhood boarding house, being near another person was something I need. Certainly no one else felt this way. It is very hard for me to describe. I would often ask the other children if they shared in these thoughts, “ My short name is Arian. ” And they would respond with their short name, and walk away. No further conversation or time wasted just being with another person. It was back to assignments and work as usual. 
 
 Sometimes when I ’ m staring at a female, she will turn around and my eyes lock with hers. And … something unusual happens within me. My stomach churns as if I am malaised. My mind loses pace of where it was. Words flow turbulently from my mouth. My body becomes wet. I ’ ve spoken with a doctor about this, but the symptoms match nothing that has been recorded or studied. I ’ m left with another untreatable illness. This one, however, just never seems to go away. It must be a birth defect. 
 
 I ’ ll be at work and then I just don ’ t continue my work. It becomes heavier, more of a burden, and I turn around and stare out the window. I have been disciplined many times, notified that my output is not on pace with the rest of the team. But, these warnings do not seem to change my course. It is as if they pass through me. I ’ m unsure why we do what we do. Yes, I do what works with my natural skill set. Everyone does. But, my mind is not in line with my skill set. 
 
 Other parts of the world, though they will look the same, are places I need to go to. Not need. Something less than need. I can visit them or not, and it would not harm me if I don ’ t visit them, but I … less than need to visit them. I don ’ t know how to describe it. I less than need to be near other humans. I less than need to hear the ways other people speak. 
 
 Something is definitely not correct with me. I write these words needing someone else to understand what I am saying. Do these words make sense to you? Do you less than need to also change your location? Or, do you know what is wrong with me so I can stop thinking this way?
