[ WP ] My cat comes home nearly every morning with cuts and scratches all over . Write about what he could be getting up to on his nights out .

`` I need to fucking retire'', I moan in pain as I see the laser signal 2 miles away. Mechanically, I put on my black leather jumpsuit and hop off the second floor balcony. Both fibula's bandaged up, 3 wrists bruised, arthritis pains flaring up, and fresh off yesterdays concussion. Just another day in the field. I stop in the middle of my owner's lawn for a nice long stretch. Almost nine and the Center still got me doing graveyard jobs... 
 I look up into the pristine night sky, every star reminding me of a partner I've lost in this frivolous war... every star, reminding me of the honorary sacrifices my sons and daughters paid for the dynasties pointless wars. 
 
 You can call me Jeff, or at least that's what my human calls me. He's actually not a bad guy. I do n't know what he thinks of the cryptic bloody injuries, but he takes care of me. He's probably scared to face altercations from the owners of the pets I'm probably terrorizing, or he thinks I'm a fucking idiot who jumps on jagged fences for fun. Taking care of me was his mother's dying wish, so I guess he feels like he does n't have a choice. He never had a father. Poor guy, I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude to him. But there is a whole other life he can not comprehend. A whole other life he can not know. In the day I'm simply Jeff the house cat. But at night I am known only as `` Tiger Balm''. 
 
 Tonight, my mission is to assassinate the reigning cat patriarch in the district. It appears the young prince is growing impatient. That boy is probably going to throw this district into another genocide. No one at the center trusts him but hey, he pays a lot of money apparently. My family has loyally served the 8th feline dynasty for 9 generations now; it's not my job to have an opinion on the matter. But I'm the last living member of my family now. The prince promises me I am done after this job. A life of serenity is within reach. 
 
 There is a small 10 minute period during guard duty transition where four guard dogs leave and only four guard dogs are making rounds around the property. After the initial four guard dogs leave, I need to infiltrate the property in 3 minutes, kill the patriarch in 1 minutes, and leave the property in 3 minutes to guarantee the highest probability of a clean operation. The surveillance rounds are never consistent, so in case I'm compromised, I have a 3 minute period where I'm only facing four guard dogs. Chance of a clean operation 40 %. Chance of confrontation 60 %. If confrontation is to occur, chance of death is about 70 %. 
 
 I crawl up to the nearest tree above my first target, who seems to be preoccupied barking at a young human couple walking by on the sidewalk. My suit's scent inhibitors allow me to sneak pass the first guard with relative ease. I crawl along the perimeter fence patiently, waiting around 30 seconds for the first guard to frolic past the back gate, and another 14 seconds for the second guard to pass the gate. At last I bolt, sprinting 35 mph to the back gate. At the bottom of the gate, I lightly jump up to the top. I keep my body low, scanning the inner gate for the last guard dog. Suddenly, I feel my leg paralyze in stiff pain. NO NOT NOW. Instead of landing gracefully onto the concrete, I dive head first into the coarse hard surface. Thump. My leg is is useless for now. I crawl to the open back window but there is no possible way I can jump the distance in my state. 
 
 Suddenly, I hear a paw steps closing in around the corner. Shit, it must have heard me. I frantically stand up, and awkwardly make my way to the corner. The dog's paw steps stop. I hear heavy panting around the corner. Just as I spring out to assault, a robust cocker spaniel snout latches out and digs its ferocious canines into my neck. Immediately I try to retaliate and shake the bite off but I the pain of asphyxiation, tearing flesh and crushed bone was obliterating my strength. Before I lost consciousness, I flung by body under his pelvis and slashed the spaniels hind leg with my back claw coated in inflammatory poison. I felt a few tremors in its body and its bite loosen before the tremors turned into violent heart palpitations. Before its body could collapse onto mine, I roll to the side, and slash the dogs throat. Fucking dogs. Despite the ancillary bloody scratch marks across my body, I felt fine, arthritis pains were diminishing, replaced by the shrieking pains of battle. But the show must go on. 
 
 I jumped through the window, leaving a trail of blood behind me. The dogs must have smelled it because I heard a chorus of barks. I rushed down the hall toward the prince's chambers. I raced in and stopped just in time before ramming head first into his scrawny figure. The prince glanced at me, and then looked in the direction of the persistent barking. I could see in his eyes this mission was going to be my very last. 
 
 `` Security!'' he screamed. `` The infiltrator is at my chambers kill him!'' I stood shocked for a moment. I did n't feel indignant, nor did I feel betrayed. I felt pure insatiable rage. I kick slashed the prince in the throat. I could hear the sweet sound of his gasping for life against the symphony of echoing barks approaching my destination. I then proceed to gouge his eyes out with my last remaining strength. I've thought a lot about what my dying thoughts would be about. Ironically enough, it was n't my kids, the wars, the animals I've murdered, or the image of my butchered wife. I've thought about that enough. 
 
 All I can seem to remember is my human wrapping my legs up in bandages, kissing me softly on the head. 

