[ WP ] A Man dies and expects to go either Heaven or Hell , only to be told by an Angel that he already was in Hell and now his punishment is over

If I was being honest with myself, 58 was goddamn long enough. The last two in the nursing home, they were extra rough. And the six weeks in hospice, Jesus. And sure, cancer's a shit way to go, but there's no point in being a coward about it. 
 
 But in the scope of the whole 58, the cancer was n't even that big of a deal. It hurts a bit, but at least you get some drugs. And it only took 3 years, not a bad shake to how it could have been. Virginia had it worse, what with the drink. She was a good woman but burying our son was too much and well, that's how it goes. The worst was Angela though. No man should ever have to see that happen to his own daughter, I dont care what he done. Despicable. 
 
 But either way, I'd had quite enough, so when I finally heard that punk ass doctor ( what was he, 35? Ridiculous ) announce me dead, I was on board. 
 
 But lo and goddamn behold, I show up at some stupid gates. Just what I need, a friggin encore. I thought this was all supposed to be half-cocked hocus pocus, but damn if there ai n't some fat old dipshit starin' at me like in his stupid robe. 
 
 `` Get on with it you fat fart, hell do n't scare me for shit these days. I'm still not even sure your lazy ass is real, but boy do n't you waste my time. Read me my sins or whatever and get me outta this dump.'' 
 
 Bastard looked surprised, felt good to know I still had it. 
 
 `` IF YOU INSIST. 
 
 YOUR TIME IN HELL HAS INCLUDED THE FOLLOWING AS ATONEMENTS FOR THE HEREAFTER MENTIONED TRANSGRESIONS- 
 
 ONE- FOR CHURLISHNESS, ORPHANED AT AN AGE NO MORE THAN 13 AND NO LESS THAN 8 
 
 TWO- FOR PROFANITY, PARENTAL ABUSE FOR A TERM NO GREATER THAN TWO YEARS IN LENGTH 
 
 THREE- FOR IDOLATRY,'' and on he goes. The list was long, to be sure. 
 
 As he droned out my received punishment, it took longer than I was proud of to piece it together. I mean, it had been a hell of a life, but I had made it out. It's what my old man told me, when I watched him go. Hardness, that's what ca n't nobody ever take from you. 
 
 I drifted in and out a little but when I heard cancer I popped back in, almost to the end now. Cruelty, in case you were curious. A couple extras and we were at the end, debts all paid apparently. I was about to ask where I was gon na get my goddamn golden ticket but I remembered, he did n't mention my Angela. I had n't ever been able to talk about it since it happened, but I had to know why. I had to know what I did that some almighty jagoff had made me watch it happen to her. I had a lifetime of enemies, but watching your own baby girl, your light, go through..... that.... I would n't have wished it on the worst of'em. 
 
 `` Hold your dang horses boy, you got one more you owe me. What'criiiime' gives you the right to ruin my little girl like that! To make me watch it! To not even give her back! I have the right to hear my charges and by God you tell me that one or I'll have your job!'' 
 
 `` ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY-ONE- PRIDE, DAUGHTER TO BE-'' 
 
 `` **DID YOU SAY FUCKIN PRIDE? *PRIDE! *? WHAT IN HELL'S NAME DID I DO YOU ASSHOLE SPIT IT OUT! AND DO N'T YOU DARE SAY WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH, SWEAR ON MY WINGS YOU REGRET IT. **'' 
 
 `` SIN OF PRIDE- BETRAYAL, HIGHEST ORDER. CASE REFERENCE NUMBER # 00000000001, MORNINGSTAR.'' 
 
 Oh shit, I forgot. I had been in Hell. He had to make Hell in the first place, just for me. 
 
 I started to remember what I did. I remembered how I had tried to burn his golden throne, dragged darkness into his courts of never ending light, how I had gathered as many of my brothers and sisters as were unafraid and we had risen up, to cast him down, return him to his place. I was blinded by righteous indignation, impatient, because I could not believe what he had done. 
 
 He had thrown them from the garden. He gave them temptation and filled them with curiosity, he made them to disobey him and punished them for it. He made them precious and mortal and discarded them. It was unjust, and as his second, I had to make it right. 
 
 But I had hesitated, sword of flame upon his heart, I could not destroy my creator, despite his failing. And he had trapped me in hell, to break my rebellious spirit. 
 
 But hardness, that's what nobody ca n't ever take from you. 
 
 `` Thanks be unto you Peter, long have I suffered for this redemption or whatever.'' 
 
 `` YOU MAY ENTER THE GATES, MORNINGSTAR. ALL DEBTS PAID.'' 
 
 `` Yeah buddy, all but this last one. And I think at this point, you start calling me Dragon.''
