[ WP ] A bear with no teeth who likes to explode embarks on an epic adventure to save his favorite tree stump .

Aloysius Reemus The Bear ( his given name ) pranced through the Oakwood State Forest with a sense of urgency and determination the likes of which he had never known. Why prance at such a pace, you might ask? You see, Stumpy, Aloysius ’ s tree stump friend, was in a whole mess of trouble, and it was up to Aloysius to help out his trunkless pal. It may sound odd to you that a grizzly bear would make friends with a tree stump, and to that I say, “ Friend, you ain ’ t heard nothing yet. But, to answer your question, Aloysius didn ’ t have any bear friends—heck, he didn ’ t have ANY friends. One day, while Aloysius sobbed alone in the forest, a chatty tree stump tried to cheer Aloysius up. It turns out, that tree stump was a mighty nice stump, and Stumpy and Aloysius became the best of friends. ” 
 
 Up on yonder Oaktree Mountain, where the sunlight dare night try pass through the thick green leaves, Stumpy lived, but where the sunlight shied away, a godless construction crew toiled to blast and dig up everything and anything that was in the way of its newly planned corporate getaway lodge -- a beautiful sight to behold on a set of blueprints, and, frankly, a potentially lovely retreat for you and your corporate drones. Call for a reservation if Aloysius doesn ’ t make it through this adventure. 
 
 Aloysius Reemus was nearly half-way up the mountain when he came upon a group of hunters. You ’ d probably agree that here ’ s a time and a place for tangling with a bunch of rifle-toting hunters, and now wasn ’ t that time. Maybe next week. Definitely not now. 
 
 “ Excuse me, gents, ” Aloysius gummed out of his toothless mouth, “ but I don ’ t have time to be hunted. You see, my friend is in terrible trouble. ” 
 
 “ Holy crap, ” a mustachioed hunter said, raising his rifle, “ a talking bear! Get him! We ’ ll be rich! ” 
 
 Now, I should probably mention here that in addition to talking, prancing, being toothless, and friends with a tree stump, Aloysius Reemus The Bear can also spontaneously explode, then magically put himself back together. In fact, Aloysius loves to explode. So he exploded right there in the midst of those surprised hunters. 
 
 BA-BOOM! 
 
 Aloysius giggled as his bear body put itself back together. He didn ’ t have time to dwell on the crater that used to be a group of hunters, for he had a stump to save! And away Aloysius went into the deep, dark forest. Things were just swell for a while—upwards of hundred yards, if I had to guess—until Aloysius came upon the Oakwood Mountain pixies, a dastardly bunch of winged humanoids that relished in throwing pixie dust into a person ’ s eyes, but, more importantly, selling portions of the forest to construction companies for development. 
 
 “ Halt! ” Beatrix Pixie called to Aloysius. She was not a good mood, for some reason. “ Take your toothless mouth home, Aloysius. Leave the construction company be. They ’ re going to make a fantastic corporate getaway lodge, and you can ’ t stop them—Stumpy be damned! You may call the following number for a reservation: 1-900-81 -- ” 
 
 BA-BOOM! 
 
 Did I mention Aloysius Reemus The Bear loved to explode? Well, he did it again, blasting those pesky pixies into the forest canopy and out of Aloysius ’ s way. He had a tree stump to save! The toothless bear pranced onward until the grumble of mighty machines shook the forest floor. Yellow construction trucks barged through the ancient trees, while helmet-clad workers scurried like spiders, collecting debris, and placing blasting charges around tree stumps. Wouldn ’ t you know it? One of those stumps outfitted with state-of-the-art blasting caps was ol ’ Stumpy himself. 
 
 “ Heya, Aloysius! ” Stumpy called from behind a group of construction workers. The workers had long since come to terms with the talking stump, and chose to ignore him. 
 
 “ Hi, Stumpy! ” Aloysius answered. “ I ’ m here to save you! Sorry I ’ m late. I got to exploding again, and you know how I can get. ” 
 
 “ Boy, do I, ol ’ pal. Hurry, please! They ’ re about to explode me, and I don ’ t like it. No offense. ” 
 
 “ None taken, Stumpy-pal-of-mine. ” 
 
 “ Stop right there, you toothless, exploding bear! ” a voice bellowed. Aloysius turned to find a slick man in a suit scowling at Aloysius: he was C.E.O. of Corporate Getaway Inc. “ The pixies sold us this land fair and square, bear. Leave us be, for we ’ re just honest construction folk, and we ’ re going to blow your stump friend out of the ground whether you like it or not. ” 
 
 Honestly? Aloysius didn ’ t much like the fact that Stumpy was going to get blown out of the ground, so Aloysius decided to do something about it. He was going to blow these construction workers sky high. 
 
 BA-BOOM! 
 
 Aloysius Reemus The Bear was not a perfect bear—his lack of teeth could certainly point you toward that answer. Specifically, though, Aloysius failed to think things through, especially when it came to exploding. So it came as a surprise to Aloysius when his bear bits rebuilt his bear body that he had accidentally blown Stumpy to kingdom come. His best friend, the stump of his life, was now just a collection of wood on the forest floor. Aloysius was a sad bear once again. The good-intentioned bear sobbed into his mighty bear paws and cursed his love for exploding. 
 
 “ I ’ m sorry for your loss, ” the foreman said, his body covered in stump debris and singed from the Aloysius blast. “ Perhaps you two can be reunited again. ” 
 
 “ Could we? ” Aloysius asked, the foreman drying his bear eyes. “ How? ” 
 
 Time passed, as time usually does—six months to be exact. The corporate getaway lodge opened on-time and under budget, with reservations locked up for almost a year. The lodge would truly be beacon of hope and money in whichever state it was located in for years to come. Be sure to book a reservation for your corporate retreat, and make your offsite team-bonding a truly memorable one. And don ’ t forget to say hello the chatty stump coffee table, and the toothless bearskin rug in the main foyer. They were once best friends and enjoy pleasant conversation. Call 1-900-814-555 to make your reservation today. 

