[ WP ] You 're an evil genius with an overly elaborate and easily escapable plot to destroy your nemesis . Contrary to hollywood , somehow it actually works .

`` Let's get this straight. You want to have a shark pool, with lasers attached to their dorsal fins, a bear trap with serrated teeth, robots with machetes as their *hands*, a flying camel with claws, and an inflatable dickbutt that humps everything within 20 feet? No disrespect intended boss, but are you FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND?!'' 
 
 `` C'mon, Carlos. It's a foolproof plan. There's absolutely *no way* he could escape. I even have him in a room full of kryptonite!'' 
 
 `` KRYPTONITE IS THE WEAKNESS OF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER! IT DOES ABSOLUTELY *NOTHING*! And all your toys are simply illusions! Except for the dickbutt and the bear trap.'' 
 
 `` It *will* work, Carlos. If it does n't work, I will have your head!'' 
 
 `` This was *your* plan! Why are you threatening me?'' 
 
 `` Be a good henchman.'' 
 
 `` Fine!'' Carlos threw his hands up in the air. `` If this works, I swear I will murder somebody.'' 
 
 `` That's the spirit! Now go on.'' I shooed him out the door. Turning back to what I call my `` TV Wall'', I looked looked at my biggest nemesis, Dickbutt. I had cameras on him at every angle – there must have been over 100 cameras in that room alone. 
 
 `` YOU WILL DIE, DICKBUTT!'' I roared at the screen. Huffing, I pressed the intercom, `` Prepare to lower the ropes!'' 
 
 `` His voice is so nasally, it gets on my nerves.'' I heard one of them mutter. 
 
 `` I HEARD THAT! No chocolate bars for the next month, Gerry. Now DO IT.'' 
 
 I watched in glee as Dickbutt got lowered into the shark-filled pool, with the inflatable toy humping his face. Try as he might, there was no way in hell he could have gotten out of those ropes. 
 
 As he got nearer to the surface of the water, the sharks begin to snap their jaws, lasers blinking to life. 
 
 Suddenly, the rope caught. `` Boss, the rope is stuck!'' 
 
 `` Just. Cut. It.'' I hissed. Dickbutt was still struggling. 
 
 Then everything happened quickly. As if someone pressed the fast forward button on all of my TV screens. 
 
 Dickbutt fell through the air and into the pool, still bound tightly. The bear trap snapped shut, the teeth driving into his flesh, turning the water pink. Dickbutt opened his mouth in a silent O, as his life faded away before my eyes. 
 
 `` Oh shit. No. No no no no,'' I chanted. `` This ca n't be true. He was supposed to survive!'' 
 
 `` Boss, he's dead. What do we do now?'' The intercom crackled. 
 
 Then, `` Boss? You there?'' 
 
 `` Take him away,'' My voice cracked. `` Bury him in the garden. He will be remembered as the hero who allowed my plan to succeed.'' 
 
 A single tear slid down my face. `` Carlos,'' I spoke in the intercom again. 
 
 `` Yes?'' 
 
 `` You owe me a body. And remember to buy the cake.'' 

