[ WP ] `` The Beatles are bigger than Jesus . '' Upon hearing that , Jesus decided to make his own rock band and beat Lennon at his own game .

`` All right, boys, this is it.'' 
 
 Jesus cracked his knuckles and gripped the microphone. Gabriel did some neck loosening exercises and pulled out his drumsticks, while Lazarus -- dressed from head to toe in bandages, a costume of his own design -- tuned up his electric guitar. 
 
 `` You ready, Mom?'' 
 
 Mary, whose personal angel wings were coated in glitter and sequins, gave a thumbs up and cleared her throat. 
 
 Jesus grinned. `` Let's bring the house down. A one, two, three four!'' 
 
 Lazarus strummed the guitar and a perfect, deafening chord blazed through the clouds. Several hundred feet below, the Beatles -- and their gathered concert crowd of 50,000 -- looked towards the sky in shock. 
 
 Jesus felt a bead of sweat curl down his forehead and began to sing the lyrics he'd spent so many hours adjusting and re-adjusting. 
 
 `` *Now when you're a deity, the terms are broad 
'Cause there ai n't no rules as the Son of God! 
 I dunk these rhymes; it's a b-ball swish 
 And multiply the goods like loaves and fish! *'' 
 
 The crowd clapped along to the beat as the Fab Four exchanged nervous glances. 
 
 `` What the hell is going on, Paul?'' Ringo asked. 
 
 `` Just go with it,'' Paul responded. The Beatles began to mimic the otherworldly tune, pretending to strum along on their instruments and lip-syncing to the best of their ability. 
 
 `` *I go seven days a week like my omnipotent daddy, 
 But I ai n't no second fiddle or holy caddy! 
 I do n't mean to brag, I do n't mean to boast, 
 But I'm the Father, Son, AND Holy Ghost! *'' 
 
 The stadium erupted as the Twelve Disciples and Mary provided background vocals. Jesus nodded towards Gabriel and Lazarus, who played wildly and caused streaks of lightning to pierce the sky. 
 
 When the song finished, Jesus clicked his mic back into place and smiled triumphantly. 
 
 `` That'll show'em.'' 
 
 Paul coughed and clicked his own microphone back to life. 
 
 `` Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a special thank you to our spectacular effects and pyrotechnic team!'' 
 
 The crowd cheered again, and Jesus felt his shoulders sag with each passing second of rapturous applause. 
 
 The Beatles continued their concert as though nothing had happened, and the newspaper reviews the next morning lauded the quartet's magnificent simulated lightning display. 
 
 `` Well, we gave it our best shot,'' Jesus sighed. 
 
 `` It's not over yet,'' Mary said, placing a supportive hand on her son's shoulder. 
 
 Still craving the invigorating high of performance, Jesus and the Spirit Squad wrote twelve additional songs and created a limited-run LP to distribute through the hallowed passageways of Heaven. It became an underground hit and is still beloved within certain circles of the angelic community. 
 
 *** 
 
 /r/GigaWrites 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

