[ WP ] Turns out that the purpose of life is war . Humans are self-multiplying shock troops , left to our own until our numbers get high enough to be useful in the ongoing galactic war . Today our previously thought to be useless DNA has been flipped to ON .

“ Dr. Garyson, you have five seconds to cut to the chase and explain what ’ s happening here. Why are we so damn hairy? ” 
 
 Dr. Grayson sputtered a bit. He ’ d carefully prepared notes that would accurately convey the biochemical changes that had stricken humanity in the past week while still being understandable to the layperson. As of right now, that was primarily this idiot general. 
 
 After gathering his thoughts for a moment, pausing for several seconds just to spite the general, Dr. Grayson continued, “ First off General Douglas, it ’ s not really hair. Here, take this. ” 
 
 Dr. Grayson handed the general a small propane torch off his work station. 
 
 He pointed at the general ’ s arm, “ Light the torch and point it at your arm. ” 
 
 A flicker of rage flashed across the general ’ s face, “ If this is some sort of joke I ’ ll have your- “ 
 
 “ It ’ s quite safe. I assure you. I've done it several times already, ” said Dr. Grayson, cutting off the general. 
 
 Still glowering, the general sparked the torch and quickly passed it over his arm. Nothing happened. No smoke, no sulfur stench, nothing. 
 
 The general passed the torch over his arm again, going a bit slower this time. Still, nothing happened. He held the torch over one spot on his left forearm. 
 
 He held it there a full thirty seconds before turning off the torch and handing it back to the doctor. 
 
 “ It is n't even warm, ” said the general, shock at the edge of his voice. 
 
 Dr. Grayson took the torch, “ Yes, I noticed that last week when I spilled a cup of fresh coffee on myself. You see, it ’ s not really hair. It ’ s some sort of carbon nanotube structure, about four hundred nanometers in diameter, packed with some sort of protein that can transduce thermal energy.'' 
 
 `` The protein converts infrared radiation into electrical potential that ’ s stored between the individual strands. Just FYI, careful when you leave the room, you ’ re going to get a hell of a shock when you touch the metal doorknob, ” said the doctor with a small smirk, and then continued, “ Also, something you, or really anyone of the belligerent persuasion, may find interesting is that the stuff weaves together if you don ’ t brush it. Looks matted and gross as hell, but I think it ’ ll behave a lot like Kevlar. You could be stopping bullets with your chest hair right now. ” 
 
 The general ignored Dr. Grayson, instead studying his shaggy arm hair, but after a moment he came out of it. 
 
 “ What about the other enhancements? ” he asked. 
 
 “ I was getting to that before your question, ” said Dr. Grayson, taking a subtle dig at the general, “ The enhancements, as you call them, are, on the hole, beneficial in almost every way but one. The enhanced strength appears to come from an enhanced form of the myosin protein. Nothing too exotic, I ’ m sure evolution could have cooked this up, but not in a week. ” 
 
 Dr. Grayson took a seat on his lab bench, “ The eye sight and hearing are the same story, basically upgraded versions of proteins that already existed,'' he said, `` Couple changes to the digestive tract, they seem to bolster our ability to absorb nutrients into our gut wall. We've also seen an explosion in gut microbes. It ’ s entirely possible we've gained the ability to digest cellulose. ” 
 
 “ Meaning? ” asked the general. 
 
 “ We could probably start eating grass if we wanted, ” replied Dr. Grayson, “ though I don ’ t think there've been any changes to help the taste. ” 
 
 The general nodded, “ You mentioned a change that was n't beneficial? ” 
 
 Dr. Grayson shrugged, “ It ’ s not a change so much as a consequence of the ones we've already seen. You see, these changes make our bodies far more robust, but it comes at a nutritional cost. Whereas before we would be looking at one to three thousand calories a day, we ’ re now looking at around nine to twelve thousand. It may not affect us here in the first world, but where people are already starving… ” the doctor shrugged again, “ things could get pretty bad, or worse, I should say. ” 
 
 The general nodded yet again, and then began to pace for a bit. Dr. Grayson watched him, wondering if the meeting was at an end. 
 
 He ’ d have left, but it was his lab, when the general turned back to him, “ I have to say Dr. Grayson, I ’ m extremely impressed with your work. You've accomplished more in a week than any of the other teams working on the recent changes, so I ’ m going to bump you up a security clearance and bring you on full time. We ’ ll be leaving for a CIA black site in an hour. We ’ ll send someone to pick you up, and get you somewhere safe, ” the general turned to leave. 
 
 Dr. Grayson nearly fell off the stool jumping to follow the general, “ WOAH! Hold up there, general! What do you mean leave? I ’ m heavily invested here! ” 
 
 The doctor stopped in his tracks with a sudden realization. He then called after the general, “ What do you mean ‘ safe ’!? ” he started running again out into the hall after the general. 
 
 The general turned back, letting the doctor catch up. Quietly, he said, “ We've found something. Something out near the orbit of Mars, and it is coming here, ” the general fixed the doctor with his cold gaze, “ We've found ourselves with a lot of questions this week, and so far you ’ re the only one to give us any answers. ” 
 
 The general began to walk towards the building ’ s exit again, “ If that does n't make you one of the best of us, I don ’ t know what does. Your country needs you, son, ” he reached the door, “ Hell, the world needs you. ” 
 
 The door swung shut.
