[ WP ] Suicidal person realizes he can not die

The Undying! Great. If there is a god, he hates me. Or she? Yes, I think it is a women. That would fit the pattern of my life. Women dislike me. When I think of it, so do most males around me. It's not their gender. It's me. I would n't be my friend either. At least now, that is after the car crash. Since then I stopped caring. All I focus my thoughts on is my invulnerability. Why? 
 
 I think I ca n't be the only one. Maybe the only one to notice. Dying of age might still work and if you do n't get rid of your life in the interim period between birth and then you are the club of sword swinging idiots like me. I am the Highlander! I do n't like that show. And now I feel like I am in it. Although the only persons who wants to cut of my head is the same wielding the sword. Right, I bought a sword and tried to behead myself. The story is not true. I am still alive and it was pretty painful. I blacked out halfway through the process and when I woke up there was blood everywhere, but the wounds were healed and I had to clean the mess. Now I try to do the suicide thing without the mess. I had no idea what fluids would emerge from my dead body. Hanging seemed pretty clean. It's not. My bowels released some pretty gross fluids all over my carpet while I was attached to that string of power cord at the ceiling fan. 
 
 This power is the worst thing ever. It's like being thirsty while standing in a pool of water and you ca n't reach it. Only the other way around. I do n't want to drink but something is force feeding me the best water available. Not for the sake of being a nice person. Just because I do n't want to drink some evil is forcing it upon me. I spend more time thinking about the reason for this more than I invested in new suicide plans. For example I consider not sleeping being part of the big picture. I was an engineer once, so I build a few gadgets that keep me from sleeping. Some of these use pretty painful methods. I am sure one kills me every now and then. But how do I know? I might just sleep and wake up. I could never remember my dreams and the time from one death to waking up again is dreamless as well. So is sleeping the same thing as a short death? 
 
 Sleep deprivation gives me the strangest hallucinations. Some times I thought I had succeeded in taking this unwanted life. Than came the afterlife. Horrible. I want all this to stop and not another life for another eternity. My actual eternity started after I was hit by one of those silent, eco-friendly cars. When I woke up in the hospital I realized that I always liked to opt-out of my life. A trigger event. Everyone told me that I was lucky and I told them to shut up. Hatred seems to be a shared emotion, the more you hate them, the more they hate you. I hated them first, so that was not my problem. My problem is that sleepless eternity that I ca n't get out. 
 
 I am playing without the old rule book. I need no sleep, no food or the pills they gave me after the accident. I have been doing this for roughly three months now. I ca n't feel any effect from the lack of food or the countless gallons of blood I lost since then. Not refilling is another tactic to wear my body out. But this invulnerable corpse of my is not able to die. 
 
 Maybe this little talent of mine is just a measure of some greater good to keep me out of paradise? Who needs an extra place like hell, when you can make life on earth someone's personal purgatory?
