[ WP ] With all the souls being sold to him , Satan has decided to build his own soul banking system , and he wants to open a new branch on Earth .

`` So, what makes you think you're the right man for this job,'' said Mr. Beale. `` Why should you be my point man for opening my first Earth branch?'' 
 
 Fred looked the tall man up and down. Mr. Beale was thin, but imposing. The shadows and dull amber lighting in the office hid most of Beale's face, but Fred could see his interviewer's tired eyes. He was bored. 
 
 `` Because,'' Fred began, `` I can get you the best return on every soul you buy. You seem worn out with all the work of handling each transaction and fulfilling every bargain. It's time you let the market help you.'' 
 
 Mr. Beale leaned forward enough that Fred could see a shimmer of light from the cold depth of his eyes. 
 
 `` Now, how do you plan to do that?'' 
 
 `` First, we get you a better location,'' Fred answered. `` Wall Street is n't where you need to be. You're thinking like a commercial banker, when you need personal banking to get yourself close to the souls. You need to be in DC. Not by K Street. I'm sure you've already got all those souls covered.'' 
 
 Mr. Beale chuckled in agreement. 
 
 `` I'm thinking the perfect location, for you, is near the east end of the Mall, right near the Supreme Court. Plenty of pious rubes around there, and many of them desperate. You can buy their souls in exchange for influence, but here's the next step: Synergy. 
 
 `` What do you mean?'' Mr. Beale winced at the buzzword. 
 
 `` You'll see when the court returns to session next month,'' Fred answered. `` Right now, every time you buy a soul, that's one favor. But at the court, you'll see hundreds, sometimes thousands of fools all hoping the ruling goes one way or another. You go through them, one after another, and get them to sell their souls, one by one. You could get 300 people to sell their souls to protect the Second Amendment, then you just have to possess one judge for a few hours to change a vote. Once the ruling comes out, you cash in on all those souls!'' 
 
 `` That... is... lovely,'' mused Mr. Beale, pondering the scheme. `` But what do I do with all those souls? I'm having enough trouble selling the souls I have. That's the other reason I need to start opening earth branches.'' 
 
 Fred let his lips form a sly grin. 
 
 `` I can help you solve that problem too,'' he said. `` The answer is securitization. Remember those lousy souls you're getting on K-Street? Those lobbyist souls must be dogshit, right? 
 
 `` We prefer the term'sub-prime,''' Mr. Beale said through gritted teeth. 
 
 `` Fair enough,'' Fred replied. `` We take all your sub-prime souls -- the child molesters, the murderers, the people who borrow tools and forget to return them -- and we mix them in with some of these top-level souls. Then we sell shares in these soul funds, and when your demons want to know what kind of souls we got for their retirement funds, they'll see nothing but triple-A!'' 
 
 Mr. Beale was stunned. This was the solution he needed. 
 
 `` You're hired. You start today. I just have to know: how did you learn how to do all this?'' 
 
 Fred chuckled with a hint of sadness. 
 
 `` Well, believe it or not, I just had to sell my own soul,'' he said. `` Not to you -- my last employer.'' 
 
 Mr. Beale pulled Fred's resume up to remind himself what firm that was. 
 
 `` Oh, yes,'' Beale murmured. `` Goldman Sachs.''
