[ WP ] Aliens have fired a giant laser towards Earth . Upon being struck , instead of destroying Earth , all forms of tea and coffee can no longer be brewed .

`` £4.95, are you joking?'' said Stuart Finnegan slapping his tan wallet on the counter melodramaticly. 
 
 The acne scarred middle aged man shrugged and scratched his three day stubble idly. 
 `` Costs what it costs I'm afraid.'' 
 Michael McAndrews never thought in his wildest dreams that he would be running a pokey little tobacconists into his late 40's, but then again, Michael's wildest dreams only went as far as honeymooning in the south of France with Dame Helen Mirren. 
 
 But after the unknown and unfathomable ray had stuck the Earth Michael's tiny shop began raking in the profits. 
 Nobody could brew tea or coffee anymore, this changed things drastically. 
 Mainly heavily crippling the economies of Brazil, China and India. 
 
 With the world's favourite caffinated beverages becoming extinct overnight the era of craft beer died on its feet. Making way for the dynasty of craft chewing tobacco. 
 
 The government quickly cracked down on this and made the move that critics and tabloids would officially cite in academic papers as `` Taxing the fuck out of it.'' 
 
 And so Michael made his easy money, selling tins of;'Columbian Mastication','Cammomile Draw' and even the odd pack of'Decaf Caramel Chewachino.' 
 
 But Michael's favourite item in the shop by far was his tin of `` Jamie's Memories'' priced at £59.99. 
 There was no chance of covering up the incident that changed the world forever, at 12:37am a gargantuan column of energy struck the Earth. It was obvious to everyone that it was aliens. Scientists would later claim that it came from Jupiter which would eventually prove to be false. 
 But the miracle that now makes the 8th of October a day to rememberfor the human race, is that there was only ever one recorded fatality of this `` attack.'' 
 
 Limited supplies of `` Jamie's Memories'' were produced to commemorate the life of Jamie Linens, the first Earthling ( and only recorded Scouser ) to be struck by an intentional extraterrestrial force. 
 
 Stuart Finnegan rustled through his wallet and slapped a fiver on the pale grey counter, chilled by the midwinter wind. It was frosty, his breath hanging in the air and his patience ready to be severed. 
 `` Fine just take it.'' 
 
 He stuffed a great big pinch behind his bottom lip and felt a tingling crawl up his spine, feeling a rush of flavour coarse through his senses. 
 
 By now he was running late and the local council meeting was to take place this morning to decide what to do with their substantial amount of abandoned'Starbucks' coffee houses that fell under their jurisdiction 
 
 If one thing was for sure was that it was going to be a long and tedious day not to have some coffee.
