[ EU ] You are an underwear merchant in Westeros

Prologue 
 
 `` Diapers! Get your diapers here! King's Landing special, two packs of half a hundred for the price of one, boiled leather or lobstered steel, your choice!'' 
 
 Looking upward, I see a blue-skinned monstrosity wrapped from head to crotch in gold-plated armor fringed with a red cloth cape. He stands still as steel over me, leering dangerously. 
 
 `` You, sir, look like you can afford the good stuff.'' 
 
 No response. The plate-wrapped behemoth leans forward menacingly and points to a shiny thong scrunched up on the table behind me. 
 
 `` Valyrian,'' I say nervously, `` from across the narrow sea.'' 
 
 The looming giant snaps forward with his steel-gloved hand and snatches the thong, not a word escaping his cold clammy lips. 
 
 `` Hey,'' I say, chasing after him, `` You have to pay for that. It's worth two silvers at l-.'' 
 
 `` Oh.'' 
 
 My bowels turn to water as my lifeblood leaks from the hole in my belly. The giant says not a word as he turns away, leaving me to die, slumped in a Flea Bottom gutter.
