[ WP ] You form a pact with the monster in your closet to work together in order to get rid of your terrible roommate .

`` Monster dude,'' I said, `` you have to. He's stealing all the babes.'' 
 
 I looked at the green slimy monster. He had bloodshot eyes. 
 
 `` Not my problem,'' he said, an eye falling from it's socket, and being put back in. 
 
 `` Come on,'' I said, `` Brewer is such a cock blocker. Please sir, monster sir; scare'im for me, eh.'' 
 
 `` Hrrm, call me sir again,'' said the monster. 
 
 I thought this monster likes flattery, that might come in handy. 
 
 `` Sir monster,'' I said, `` You are such a attractive monster, you must n't know what it's like to not get monster women, but have some mercy for a poor, unsuccessful human,'' I looked at Mr. Monster, and saw him swooning at the compliments. `` Very successful with the monster women, sir,'' I added. 
 
 `` I suppose I could scare Brewer a bit,'' said the monster. 
 
 I wanted Brewer out of my group house because every time there was an angel dust or GHB Fantasy party, he stole the girls from under my nose. 
 
 I remembered talking to a girl in a slinky dress, who did n't do any exercise it was obvious, but neither did I. 
 
 `` I love what you've done with your hair,'' I was saying to her, Audrey was her name. 
 
 `` Oh thanks, I spent quite a bit of money on it,'' she said, `` but it's worth it, do n't you think?'' 
 
 Then Brewer slid in like a sleazy cock-blocker. `` Want to have a dance, darling?'' 
 
 Brewer did push ups all day, and chicks go for that. He was a pretty good drunken fighter. He got on the news once too. He was fighting another beefcake. 
 
 `` Yeah, excuse me,'' said Audrey, moving away from me. 
 
 I seethed at it, returning to the monster. 
 
 `` He's a pain in the arse,'' I said to the monster. 
 
 `` Yeah, I get you,'' said the monster. We'd connected, I thought; the monster and me. 
 
 He promised to do his best to scare Brewer out of the house. I gave the monster back rubs, and called him sir all the time, after awhile, sucking up became natural, and our relationship progressed into a bromance. Me and him teamed up. Every time a sleaze who nicked my girlfriends came into the share house, the monster and I made sure it was a short stay. The list of blokes that got kicked out grew. There was: Rufus, Barney, Buster, Wendell and Emmanuel. I started to actually get some roots because of Mr. Monster. 
 
 `` Thanks, Mr. Monster,'' I said. 
 
 `` That's alright,'' said the green blob.
