[ WP ] University class begins to suspect that their new math professor is ( very ) high on cocaine .

`` Alright class, today we will be diving into quadratic formula, you know parasols... I mean parables – parabolas.'' The professor rubbed his heads together beside his chalk boards edge and shook his head violently as he stammered his words. 
 
 `` Sir!'' A male student in the group called as he raised a hand. 
 
 `` I guess it could've been worse, I could've said pair-of-bulls!'' The professor completely ignored his student. `` Bulls are pretty dangerous, would n't want to talk about them in here.'' He chuckled. 
 
 `` Mr. Nerferder?!'' A female student called out. 
 
 `` Hey! Did any of you guys see that video online?! You know the one where the bull impales that guy?!'' The professor ran to his desk and flipped open his laptop. `` You guys know the one, from the running of the bulls?'' He dipped his head low behind the screen and a loud sniffling noise could be heard. `` In Spain? Anyone? Yes you.'' He pointed to a student in the front row. 
 
 `` Are you alright sir?'' 
 
 `` Fine, nothing big. No biggy. Just a little cold. Little sniffle. Little sniff sniff. ***ANYWAY***!'' Mr. Nerferder clapped his hands together then closed the laptop. He jumped up from the chair and began to walk toward the chalk board before suddenly stopping. `` What were we talking about again?'' He said to himself. `` Oh, that's right!'' He flipped the computer open again as he took a seat on the edge of the desk. He then flipped it around so the class could see. `` Did any of you want to see that video?'' 
 
 The class exchanged awkward stares and a few muzzled giggles could be heard. 
 
 `` No, no one. Okay then. Down to business.'' The professor again clapped. He jumped off the desk lip and took a few quick steps toward the chalk board, then slid the last few feet on his shoes. 
 
 `` Are those roller shoes sir?'' 
 
 `` Yes! Yes they are! They help me *suh-lide*,'' Mr. Nerferder threw his hands in the air as he attempted a stylistic demonstration, `` from one side of the board – to the other.'' The professor slid to his desk, he flipped open the laptop; with its screen still facing the group, and dipped his head down below everyone's sight lines. A loud sniffing could be heard once more, much louder than before. Mr. Nerferder shot up from behind the device, like a groundhog with an itching nose, looking for its shadow. 
 
 `` What the hell is going on here?!'' The first student to raise his hand asked. He stood from his seat, with his arms outstretched, looking around the room. 
 
 `` Math! Math, is going on here!'' The professor retorted with a finger pointed forcefully to the sky. 
 
 `` Can I be excused sir?'' Another student in the second row asked. 
 
 `` Restroom? Yes that's fine.'' Mr. Nerferder watched attentively as the student left in silence, looking at the professor ever so often from over his shoulder. 
 
 `` Um sir, I think most of us have done parabolas in high-.'' 
 
 `` *Shhhhhh! *'' The professor held a finger to his lips. `` Alright he's gone! Everyone grab your things we're switching rooms!'' He rushed to gather his belongings from atop his desk. 
 
 `` What?! Why?!'' 
 
 `` When he comes back...'' Mr. Nerferder began to belly laugh uncontrollably with the entire classes attention focused solely on him. `` When he comes back, we'll all be gone. He'll be so confused!'' The laughter took hold once more, causing a small plastic baggy to jiggle loose from the collection of clutter in his arms. 
 
 `` Is that what I think it is?'' 
 
 `` No, no. It's just my cold medication. I grind it up and add it to water so I can swallow it easier.'' Mr. Nerferder dropped the rest of his things and attempted grabbed the baggy from off the floor, but a student in the front row beat him to it. 
 
 `` It looks like cocaine!'' 
 
 `` No! Do n't be ridicu-.'' 
 
 `` Let me see that!'' Another student snatched the bag then walked away. `` I've done it before... Once.'' He licked his finger and sampled the powder substance inside the baggy with his tongue. `` It... It tastes like watermelon.'' 
 
 `` Gim me that!'' Another student dipped his fingers in. `` I know that! I used to have it all the time when I was a kid! This is-!'' 
 
 `` Fun-Dip! I just ca n't break its hold over me!'' The professor buried his face in his hands. 
 
 The class crowded around their teacher as he bawled on the floor, with a few of them stealing dabs from the baggy. 

