[ WP ] An elf , a dwarf , and a wizard are filling out the character sheets for their next game of Dayjobs and Drudgery , a role-playing game set in the world of humans .

( Smashed this out pre-bed. May edit/ add more after a busy day tomorrow ) 
 
 The various members at the table finally hand over their character sheets to the Dwarf lass in charge. With a heavily calloused and scarred hand, the dwarf monk Tishva shuffles through the parchment, checking over all the details the group has been struggling through for most of the evening for what was supposed to be a simple dice game. “ Okay everyone… it looks mostly good… but we have some problems… again. ” 
 
 There is a collective set of groans from the gnome, half-elf, and dragonborn surrounding the dwarven GM. Glargzog the butcher, a slightly underwhelmingly sized orc… ‘ orcy-thing doer ’ ( he claimed no profession in this adventuring world ) spoke up. “ What wrong now? I followed orders good! ” 
 
 Tishva sighed. “ Alright… Well, we ’ ll start with you then. First off… You can ’ t have your Dire-Sabrecat pet- ” 
 
 Glargzog smashes the table, several of the oddly shaped dice bouncing or rolling off. “ Sharzgath is not pet! Family! Fluffy, cuddly, deadly family. ” 
 
 Tishva smiled tiredly, having spent far too long of the groups time this evening debating the point with the greenskin. “ I know Glargzog… but you just can ’ t have a murderous, domesticated pet like that in this game. Humans in this setting have much smaller… less violent pets. Well behaved, adorable, and more ‘ cuddly ’ than… Sharzgerth. ” 
 
 Glargzog waves a hand, dismissing what the GM is saying, including the wrong name of his animal companion. “ Sharzgath very behaved. Cuddly. Dome-domesti… I raised her! Good animal. I have pet like her in stupid game. ” 
 
 Tishva furrows her brow slightly. “ Glarg… even if there IS a pet like her in the game. I assure you they ’ re nothing like her. She ’ s not cuddly OR domesticated. ” 
 
 As if on queue a bestial, deep chested feline roar reverberates through the tavern from out in the street, soon followed by a blood curdling scream. Glarg opens in arms in a gesture he ’ d seen others use when their point was made. “ See? Domesti- domesticated! ” Leaning back on his bench, he crosses his arms triumphantly. 
 
 Tishva nods slightly, giving in. “ okay okay Glarg… let me open this bestiary and see what we can do for your character ’ s pet situation. ” Flipping through the behemothian tomb of rules, she eventually finds the bestiary. “ Okay Glarg… the biggest feline pet I can allow you is… something called a… ‘ Maine Coon ’. ” 
 
 Glargzog grunts “ How big? ” 
 
 Tishva scans down the list of stats, mumbling to herself. “ Minus two to alergy rolls, minus three to standing rolls. Minus two to lifting rolls. Upkeep… Looks like… hold on. got to calculate. ” Writing down numbers, she continues to mumble. “ Why would humans use such a stupid system of measurement in a fake game is beyond-... Looks like it ’ s not even comparable to Sharzgerth. Alot smaller, but big for the setting ’ s size. ” 
 
 “ I don ’ t want. ” 
 
 Tishva sighs, her boundless good will and kindness reaching rock bottom for a moment. “ Well… it would be as fluffy if not more so than your ‘ family ’ Glarg… Is that acceptable? ” 
 
 Looking bemused, Glargzog chuckles, “ Fluffier? Sharzgerth dreaded ‘ dire sabrecat from north mountains. Fierce. Fluffiest there is. ” 
 
 Tishva turns the gigantic rules tomb towards the orc. “ Here ’ s the picture. ” 
 
 The sound the orc made causes the soft music played in the background to halt, all the tavern ’ s patrons to look over in shock. The combination of grunt, roar, and an adorably-infused ‘ HRNNNNNNGH ’ all combined made for quite the frightening and indistinguishable sound from the greenskin ’ s tusked mouth. Taking the tomb and holding to his chest he grins very toothily. “ I like. Very fluffy. ” 
 
 Tishva smiles, glad to move on. “ Excellent! ” Turning to her character sheets she asks nobody in particular. “ Now… who else needs their sheets fixed… ”
