[ RF ] You are set up on a blind date with a person who you badly bullied for 10 years in school .

Used to be that it was just one more person coming out to drink on a Friday night. Some cool live music in a new ( trending ) place downtown. They'd slip out one by one until their weddings may as well have been a funeral for another drinking buddy. That's when the *you better find a girlfriend itch* really started. 
 
 But this, this was a new low. Mona, the bimbo-ass broad whom Adam decided to marry spoke exactly like you would expect her to. 
 
 `` Jared, you've goooooot to meet this friend of mine Sandra, you two are practically the same person!'' 
 
 *Mona, go fuck yourself, and let your husband come drink with me*. 
 
 `` You know what, Mona? Normally I'd say no, but I'm trying to open up to opportunities more these days, why the hell not?'' 
 
 I was drunk at the time, but I like to try to stay optimistic ( with little success as usual ). So I woke up the day of my blind date, roses shining and the sun smelling or whatever it is that happens to people who love everything, and I guzzled a pot of coffee like a pornstar guzzles well... you know. 
 
 But I really was good that morning, you know? I had n't been on a blind date before, but I forced myself to believe that Mona either liked me enough to actually do me a solid, or that she hated myself and this Sandra person enough that somehow things would work out despite her worst intentions. I know I'm not much of a looker, so it was n't fair of me to expect anything spectacular out of anyone else who's pushing thirty all by their lonesome. I kept my expectations low, all this and yet - 
 
 *Sandra fucking Charrette*. 
 
 Sandra from my hometown of Beaverton Minnesota; who pantsed me in grade 7; started a rumour that I cried during Shrek ( 2 ); and then at prom, joy rode my car into a fucking electric fence, Charrette. 
 
 For a second, I thought she would n't recognize me, little old Jared kicking around in Chicago. No such luck. 
 
 `` Jesus Christ, Jared Waterhouse?'' 
 
 *Fuck her for looking so good, meanwhile I'm pushing to keep my gut in my jeans* 
 
 `` Sandra Charette? Holy shit this is unexpected!'' *I do n't hate you or anything... * 
 
 `` Holy shit, Jared. I never thought I'd see you again!'' 
 
 *Wish your thought would have come true. * 
 
 `` Little old Jared... You know I had the biggest crush on you when we were kids?''
