[ WP ] You represent Humanity . You 're also very , very wasted . Describe First Contact .

`` Ah fuck.'' The phone was ringing. I lifted my head from the... sofa? Where am I? I glance around the room, getting some bearings. There's some dude passed out on top of a table, and another one with his head in a flowerpot. Must've been a good fucking night. 
 
 I pick up the ringing bastard. Goddamn, it's 3 am on a Saturday, why the fuck is work calling. I yawn and press the `` Hello?'' 
 
 `` Sir, there's been a situation.'' Of course there has. It's 3 am on a Saturday. `` NASA has just made contact.'' 
 
 Oh shitballs. 
 
 The call continues. `` At approximately 2:45 am one of the astronauts on the ISS reported seeing a black object hovering approximately 70 kilometers away, at an equivalent altitude. Photo proof was immediately documented and verified as a non-man made object.'' Oh shit. My head hurts. `` Five minutes after visual contact the object began descending at an accelerating rate, but too controlled to be gravitational based. We believe the object is being controlled by something, and basic kinematic estimates expect it will land in Washington DC in the next hour.'' An hour? I clear my throat. 
 
 `` Thank you, uh, for the report. Follow procedure 2B as it does not seem like this is a large scale contact situation,'' I say as I slowly try to kickstart my brain into action. `` I will, uh, get onto a plane ASAP. In two hours alert the press, but, uh, of course only do so if contact is favorable.'' Wait. I choked down some vomit. The last four shots had been a bad idea. Damn. 
 
 I have an afterthought. 
 
 `` And, uh, do n't tell Michelle about anything. Please.'' 
 
 `` Very good Mr. Obama. The presidential helicopter is on it's way to pick you up from the executive suite now.''
