[ wp ] after dying god informs you that hell is a myth , and `` everyone sins , its ok '' . instead the dead are sorted into six `` houses of heaven '' based on the sins they chose .

`` What about the seventh?'' 
 God grumbled under his divine non-breath. `` What do you *mean* the seventh, there are only six!'' 
 On one hand, Charles did n't want to push his luck any further. The absence of an *actual*, scorching, eternal hell that dreaded him his whole life was a stroke of good fortune. 
 On the other hand, he was dead curious. 
 Charles snorted. 
 God spun on him. `` Oh if you're going to **correct** me, at least do n't laugh at me like that!'' 
 `` No my lord,'' he rushed. `` That was n't what I was laughing about. It's just... there are *seven* sins.'' 
 `` Says you,'' the Almighty responded. 
 `` *It's in the damned* **AHEM**, pardon me, it's in the *bible*!'' 
 `` Really now?'' 
 `` Yes! If only I had a... oh, thank you. Yes, here! [ Proverbs! ] ( https: //www.biblegateway.com/passage/? search=Proverbs+6 % 3A16-19 & version=KJV )'' 
 The One True God leaned over an anxious mortal shoulder and peered into the good book. `` Huh. Well I'll be damned.'' 
 Charles was shocked. `` Huh?'' 
 `` Looks like I made six houses by accident,'' God said simply. 
 `` Really?'' 
 Then the Almighty let out a cataclysmic roar. `` **OF COURSE NOT!! ** If I wanted seven houses, do you *think* there would be seven houses for you to choose from??'' 
 Charles was in a new state of panic unknown from his living years. There was a terrible feeling it was something he had to get used to. 
 `` No your three-in-oneness! Just... if they're based on sins, and there are six houses...'' Well, Charles pushed Him *this* far. The mortal sighed, making peace with his short post-life existence. `` Why not seven houses?'' 
 God took a few microseconds longer responding to that one than usual. Whatever madness took over Charles as he tried to gleam an answer from the all knowing deity before him, he hoped it was worth it. There was n't much he remembered from his past life. Only a bowl of frosted flakes when he was younger, a cup of coffee when he was in his early twenties, and some girl called Margret. 
 Whoever she was, Charles would miss her. 
 `` You know something,'' God started. `` Have it your way.'' 
 `` What?'' 
 `` **DID I STUTTER?! **'' 
 `` NO YOUR LORDLINESS!'' 
 `` I did n't *think* so,'' he said with an injured ( wait, *injured*? ) tone. `` Lets have this seventh house of yours.'' A pair of massive eyes formed over him, staring intently on the hapless kneeling body of Charles. `` See how you like *this* one for eternity.'' 
 Charles was about to do whatever it took to convince his Lord that he was sure six was also a perfectly fine number, and the seventh house be damned ( apparently, that was a thing he could say in His presence ). 
 He was about to do so, if his shoulders were n't be rattled for dear life. 
 That last word. Life. 
 It confused him as a voice began yelling in his ear. `` Get *up* Charles!'' 
 Throwing himself against his office chair, he looked up at his manager, ashamed to have been caught sleeping at his desk. 
 `` *Every* time, I catch you sleeping and slacking off! You know what the Lord says about being lazy!'' 
 Charles snorted. 
 `` What's so *funny?! *'' The manager demanded. 
 `` Nothing, just, hearing you quote the Lord about sloth struck a chord with me. Not sure from where though.'' 
 `` Well, you can start by answering the *damned* phone!'' 
 It was the first time he noticed it ringing. Charles scrambled for the phone and threw it against his ear. 
 `` Pleasant Dreams, sleep consultancy clinic, how can I help you?'' 
 The words rolled from his tongue. 
 And he liked the sound of it. 
 
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 *More at /r/galokot, and thanks for reading! *
