[ WP ] Aliens come to Earth in hoping to wipe us out and take over the planet , but are honorable and gives us a fighting chance . They announce they will return in 100 years so as to give Earth a chance to prepare and defend itself . Neither side expected what the other would bring to war

I'm sitting at my friends bar in Warrego Valles. We are going to get called up. It is a bleak day. Everything is gray. Hell everyday is gray in Thaumasia. Tomorrow is going to be February 4th 2118. We all know what is coming and not just the other guys in my battalion but everyone on the planet knows what is going on. 
 
 
 
 I guess I should explain from the beginning because this is part of our history that is n't really well written about. Back in 2018, we got a message from Proxima Centauri. Actually the signal really did n't originate much farther from our moon but the spaceship that carried the messengers came from Proxima Centauri. Anyway, according to all the elderly people I knew back when I was growing up, the message broke across all electronic media. We still do n't know how they managed that, but the leading theorists seem to think it was a carefully tuned series of electromagnetic pulses because it even played in computers that were off. At any rate the messengers told us they were going to fight us but that they wanted to have a better chance against them as it seemed we were puny. They gave us a hundred years. They were going to regret that. I was also told by my grandfather before he passed to make them regret interrupting the Super Bowl. I do n't fully know what that's all about, but I looked up the Super Bowl in the holo-index and it seemed like a very big deal. At any rate I promised my grandfather I'd make sure the interruption did n't go unnoticed. 
 
 
 
 Immediately, things changed. World leaders were overthrown left and right. Chaos reigned supreme. Then the overhaul came. A user by the name 420PotPlants suggested we have a contest of various management and combat simulators to determine who should direct our efforts in the Internet site reddit. Incidentally the Internet was the precursor to the quantum network we have now, albeit much slower. Thinking back on it its a miracle what the Council accomplished back then with such primitive technology. No teleported, no stasis mines, no quantum networking, only minimal research into neural networks, it's really mind boggling how much they did with what they had. 
 
 
 
 Anyway, 420PotPlants called for this contest and the people on reddit ran with it and later that year the contest took place. The holo-index lists that competitors played Starcraft, Civilization IV and V, Risk!, Go, Chess, Age of Empires, Freeciv, Warhammer, Total War Shogun 2, Rome: Total War, as well as real life eliminations games of Axis and Allies, Diplomacy, Magic the Gathering, Carcassone, and Settlers of Catan. Lastly the finalists also played Q*bert because 420PotPlants thought the last one would be funny. 
 
 
 A user named u/rogersimon10 won the multiweek event. Which he attributed to his dad beating him with jumper cables if he played poorly. RogerSimon10 immediately declared he was appointing a new cabinet which basically consisted of game theorists, game designers, and insurance adjusters to work on military strategy. He also proposed that a council be formed to make decisions involving economic policy and research and development. Economic Policy was run by a woman named Wei Li Fèng. And research and development was addressed by a joint task force from Jet Propulsion Laboratories, and BASF. 
 
 
 
 Roger Simon was succeeded by Juicy Piranah. Juicy Piranah was influential in that he introduced his so called `` Forward Center Approach'' which essentially established a research complex into which infants with an estimated 53 trillion or more synapses were placed. Juicy Piranah called for the students to be carefully educated up to 12 hours a day. When children were 16 and their cells stable enough to support it Juicy Piranah had them all cloned. Within three generations we arrived at the Sigma Institution. All of the subjects from the Forward Center Approach were then encouraged to pursue sexual encounters with fellow members. The current crop of Sigma Institution members developed the Apex Council. 
 
 
 
 Never before in human history have so many people been led by one man. But Bartholemew J. Masters, is perhaps the most brilliant mind ever. He graduated Sigma Instituution, scoring an exit exam score beyond the Shube-Tayloe threshold by a factor of 6.1. Masters devolved our current plan of attack. An attack that is going to begin within the next hour. 
 
 
 
 First the stasis mines we sent to Jupiter will go off. That should stop most vessels from getting to the asteroid belt. Then all military units will enter active cloaking protocols. The few remaining craft will drift at the Langevin point earth will be invaded. Billions of people will likely die due to the gravitational wave distribution devices we are fairly certain the aliens have. Then we will get called to our stations. 
 
 
 We will be teleported to earth with our Tesla Machine Drills. We will set them to 7.83Hz climb back to our teleport pods and rendezvous at the Death Star, which is what we nicknamed Satellite U-P-3805-V. Once there we will engage Operation Ovid. We will fire off the Magnetite Core Transducer as well as the Yü Sï Wāng energy system. 
 
 
 
 Those stupid Proxima Centauri C bastards. They have no idea what they're in for. Sure their weapons are great. But the overlooked one key thing. People, human people, love to cheat. We're good at it we've been doing it ever since that first cave man screwed some other poor SOB out of a hunk of Wooly Mammoth meat. And this oversight is really the Aliens biggest mistake. There's not going to be a battle. 
 
 
 
 We're going to wait till they are on the scene. We'll cripple their ships. A few will get through and invade earth. My unit will teleport down there and activate the Tesla machines which will vibrate the earth apart in minutes. Just as it starts vibrating we will come back to Thaumasia just long enough to say goodbye to Mars, the only home I've known, pack our gear up into the teleportation pods and activate the Yü Sï Wāng energy system. We are going to create a hyper vortex so large it will redirect a portion of gamma rays directly at those bitches. The hyper vortex will dissolve because our estimates are that it wo n't remain stable for longer than 17 seconds. This should be just long enough to vaporize everything from the topsoil up. 
 
 
 
 It may be a crazy plan to destroy our home planet wipe out our own solar system and redirect a gamma ray burst so we can colonize their home planet, but doing this minutes before the battle is supposed to take place is at the same time quintessentially human and also assures us that we will find Proxima Centauri C to be an excellent New Earth. 
 
 
 And you can bet your sweet ass that once we get back to leisure time instead of figuring out how to fry space slugs that we're going to look into bringing sports back because I ca n't think of anything more fitting than to host the next Super Bowl right in the middle of Space Slug central... I think my grandfather would be proud. 
 
 
 
 Anyway, that's all I can write for posterity, the alarm just went off. The stasis mines went off. It's time for us to teach these space slugs why you DO N'T mess with earthlings. 

