[ WP ] A diary entry by a girl who was sexually abused by her father .

( 5:35 pm, school library ) 
 
 Dear Diary, 
 
 Now I am sure of what I want to do with *that man*. I can not take this anymore. I'm going to carry out my plan of getting even with him. 
 
 He touched me again for the nth time. He's been doing this to me since I turned 11 and got my period for the first time. I remember that day well; I was talking with mom and he happened to overheard our conversation. He walked up to me smilingly and kissed me on the forehead, saying `` You're a grown lady now.'' 
 
 That night, as I was about to go to sleep, I heard the door open and his footsteps slowly walking up to me. I felt him touching my chest then all the way down between my thighs. Then he left. I could only stare at the ceiling, wide-eyed. How could he do this to me? My father, who once said to my boy playmates `` Do n't make her cry'' after I came home crying because one of them told me, `` We do n't want girls in our team.'' 
 
 That was before. What happened? He used to be so kind to me. Now he sees me as an object. Does this has something to do with mom's accident? 
 
 
 Oh mom, I missed you so much. Why did you left sooner? You left me with a monster. 
 
 
 After that particular night, he would occasionally creep in my room while asleep and would touch me. I am so disgusted of him, and myself. 
 
 But I learned that I can stop this. I guess I have to do this **now**. 
 
 I wo n't go to sleep tonight. I'll stay at the computer shop nearby and leave late. I'll pour gasoline all over the sides of the house when I get home, as I already stashed a gas tank nearby, in the woodhouse. I know that he sleeps at around 9:00pm then would go to my room at about 10:30-11:00pm. The house will burn fast even before he realizes I'm not in my room. 
 
 After that, I'll get the hell out of here. I'll ride a bus and go somewhere. I do n't care. I'll leave and go somewhere else. 
 
 They say to love your father, but with this monster of a father I have, I have nothing but hatred for him. 
 
 `` If there is a God, he must beg for my forgiveness. `` -some quote from a concentration camp wall.
