[ WP ] The story of a man gaining superpowers and realizing he must use them for good ... at the age of 50 .

`` Fuck,'' he said as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. Archie looked at a the bags under his eyes, and the frown marks in his face were even more evident. He leaned in closed and ran a hand through his thinning grey hair and gave a deep sigh of defeat. He turned to the side and sucked in his gut. 
 
 `` There's no way you're gon na fit into a leotard, Archie,'' said his wife from the bedroom. 
 
 `` Shuuudap, Edith, Will ya?'' He said rolling his eyes at her comment. `` Nobody said not'in'bout hopping in a leotard like some little ballerina pansy, tip toeing through the tulips.'' 
 
 `` Let me tell you something, I'm gon na clean up this neighborhood, Edith if its the last thing I do!'' 
 
 `` Oh thats good, Archie'' said Edith as she thumbed through a reader's digest. 
 
 `` I just got ta get ova this fear of heights thing and I'll be flying all around da world saving pretty ladies and kissing babies and all dat'' 
 
 `` Well, Archie, you know you could just walk. The reader's digest says that walkin' is good for ya'' Edith said. Archie shot her a look that went from pure confusion and rolled his eyes at her glibness. 
 
 `` Aint that something, The reader's digest can always add a little joy to ya shortcomings.'' he said sarcasticly. Edith smiled and nodded stuck in her cloud of stupidity. Archie looked at the glass of water on the nightstand. 
 
 `` Watch this, Edith.'' 
 
 His eyes flared a deep crimson as he concentrated. The bubbles formed in the glass and sprung up to the top. He was distracted from a sound that came from the other side of the room. 
 
 `` Edith, You ca n't be fartin' while over here tryin' to do my heat vision thing.!'' 
 
 `` I'm sorry, Archie. But, just watching those bubbles, made me gassy.'' 
 
 Archie grunted. `` Screw this. I'm going to patrol the neighborhood and see if this do-gooder can stop some do-wrongers.'' He was proud of that line at the moment, but by the time he put on his button up shirt and made his way downstairs, the horrible joke made his mouth taste like deeply polished shoe leather. He grabbed his London Fog jacket and walked out the door. 
 
 *Aaah Fuck it* - Author
