[ WP ] I was n't trying to overthrow the kingdom . I was just trying to get back home .

`` Ahhhhhh.'' Jack sank into his comfortable armchair. The fire crackled in the hearth, its warmth diffusing around the room gently. Putting his feet up on a stool, he closed his eyes, took a sip of tea, and relaxed. It had been a hell of a day. 
 **Knock. Knock. Knock** 
 The front door rattled under a steady barrage of blows. Jack cracked an eye open and sighed. After all that nonsense earlier, he just wanted a nap. Was that too much to ask? 
 He shuffled to the door of his cottage, unbolted the door and peered out at his unwelcome visitor. 
 `` *What? *'' he snapped, causing the knight at the door to stumble back. Jack glared at the figure. He seemed to be part of that castle he'd wandered through. 
 `` M-my liege.'' the knight dropped to one knee with a clank. `` You must come and...'' 
 `` I am no one's liege, matey.'' Jack snorted at this pointless interruption. `` And I am going nowhere.'' He noticed the knight staring at his slippers, and gave his toes a wiggle, causing the pink bunny ears to flop back and forth. 
 Tearing his eyes away from Jack's footwear, the knight spoke again. 
 `` Sire, by right of conquest, *you* are the new king. You must come to the castle.'' 
 `` No I mus n't. I am no-one's king. I just wanted to get home, and I succeeded. Now go away.'' With that, Jack slammed the door shut, and returned to his chair for a snooze. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Captain Farrell trudged towards the small encampment of Royal Guard. 
 `` Well?'' Bartholemew the Wise, Wizard of the northern woods and odd-job wise man, asked the knight. 
 `` He's not coming.'' Sir Farrell answered with a sigh. `` He does n't want to be king.'' 
 `` Does n't want to be king? *Does n't want to be king*?!?'' The wizard of the northern woods waved his arms, causing several sparks to flicker in the air. 
 `` Said he wanted to get home, and that's it. All the...'' the knight waved his arms in the direction of the city ``... conquering business was a side issue. Look Bart, ca n't we just let the nobles, you know, sort themselves out?'' The wizard snorted. 
 `` And, pray tell me, who would *you* choose to be king that would not plunge us into horrific civil war?'' Sir Farrell's answer died on his lips, and he nodded slowly. The wizard had a point. 
 `` That's why we have Hero Kings.'' Bartholomew stared at the cottage. `` Outsider kings are... simpler for all.'' He narrowed his eyes. This had not been the first reluctant king he had met. 
 `` No, if the King wo n't come to the castle...'' he cracked his knuckles and flung his arms wide in the traditional casting pose. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Jack awoke to a low humming sound echoing from the cottage walls. Puzzled, he glanced through the window and watched a tree slowly walk past. 
 Wait, trees do n't walk... 
 He heaved himself from his chair and walked to the window. Outside, he found his cottage flanked by the Royal Guard, marching quietly. Opening the window, he glanced down. His house, hovering a few inches above the ground, was meandering down the road back towards that blasted castle. Looking up, he locked eyes with that infernal wizard who'd given him those terrible directions home. 
 The wizard grinned at him and launched into a series of complex charades, indicating in no uncertain terms that his crowning as king was not up for debate. 
 Jack glared at him and shut the window. Poxy wizards and their schemes. He shuffled slowly back to his chair, and sank into its welcoming folds. His kingship could wait until after he'd had a nap.
