[ WP ] You are an alien playing a video game in which the goal is to help a species survive the longest time possible . Now you want to tackle the hardest mode in the game : human beings .

First it was inability to be concieved. How the fuck does a species procreate with so many freaking obstacles! Low sperm counts, what the fuck? Ovulation? the freaking cycles of the moon. How can a species so freaking ridiculous be based on reality!!?? Then I finally manage to be concieved and guess what there's such thing as a miscarriage? Why the hell would any species evolve to be carried around inside the parent? Turtles make so much more sense, tons of eggs, buried in the sand, wait, hatch, continue the life cycle. Ok baby finally born and yea, that takes 9 months. 9 freaking months!!! Keep in mind this is only the barest introduction to the damned species a single one! I've restarted this damned game at least 20 times just trying to get through the stupid demo and gain a human and now. Now my little child is being indoctrinated. Religion! And hey, great death by preventable disease. Fuck! Again! Again! Death by car accident, seriously? First thing to do fix the transport, completely automated. And yea, apparently the child has to learn how to coun, Oh and yea, they do n't have downloadable content. I Hate this Game! 
 
 Ok. Ok. I'm good. I'm great. I think I'm getting the hang of this. Made it to some shit called high school and then I can finally guide this stupid species to stop fucking killing its self. 
 
 You have got to be fucking kidding me. 
 
 College? College is apparently required to enact any higher level change without spawning hundreds of humans and hoping. This is unbelievable. Fine Off I go to this stupid repetition of high school for no real reason. 
 
 DO NOT GO TO COLLEGE!! You DIE so much in college! My human has irreperable anxiety and an addiction to pep pills now and is hiding it so well I ca n't get anyone to treat it. Then it has to pay for this college thing so it's got a job that pays peanuts and is starving every other day, it's freaking malnourished! On top of that it's managed to make inroads into political circles but its friends are Fucking Ayn Rand fanatics. This is not levelling up, this is shit. College is nothing like the highschool mod said it would be. This is a crock and you know it! NO SPECIES COULD SURVIVE THIS WAY! YOU HEAR ME GAME YOU'RE A FRAUD AND YOU KNOW IT!!! 
 
 So... Apparently college ended while I was ranting. 
 
 Yay? 
 
 Ok, now to get a job and enact changed. Maybe I'll do away with paid for schooling... or just streamline it all. Hey I could have my human invent downloadable content, muahaha. Excellent. Then the birthing issue. Then Transport. Perfect. 
 
 Great. 
 
 No this is good. I'm sure. 
 
 To get this job I need 3 years experience. 
 
 3 years. 
 
 it's entry level. 
 
 This species is fucked. 
 
 Like. No way it's real because, fuck. But nope I just. I should just. 
 
 No. Ca n't. 
 
 Right. I have n't slept in days. BUT my human is alive. It has the job and now it's an alcoholic, and apparently depressed because I have n't been socializing it, so i spend about 6 months of it's life getting it a relationship and a spouse and hey look a tiny human is enrout... damn it's got slow load times ugh. 
 
 Not the spouse is angry my human went back to work. 
 
 Oh. Fuck this. Apparently I have to leave work to create tiny life. Seriously??? 
 
 Ok. Crisis averted. Apparently I ranted enough and there's some advocacy group that kept me my job. great. Who ever coded this thing is a shit, real life is n't like this no matter how weird your biology. 
 
 So, my I sceduled my human to spend a day every week with my spouse which is cool, but apparently my spouse ca n't carry the offspring, which is bull but whatever. so now I found a cheat and turned off fertility muahaha. No I'm not sorry. Not even a little. You can not cheat at the impossible! I have 4 kids now. They are so expensive. But spouse is happy. Human is mostly happy, kids are n't dead. And human is focused on it's job. 
 
 So my human is approaching the peak of it's life cycle. 
 
 Apparently I ca n't have it do all of my first choice tasks to keep this damned species from dying. So I decided to fix the learning process. Turns out to be able to create downloadable content, I need access to a lab, to gain access to a lab I need a lab job, the college degree wont grant me access to these jobs so I have to go back to college to get a masters degree to get access to a lab as a phd. 
 
 I've been playing this damned game for too long. 
 
 My spouse left me. 
 
 In the game. 
 
 I should go thank mine for being biologically sound. 
 
 I've gained access to a lab and am finally making progress. good news apparently being abandoned by i's spouse lead my human to have higher drive. We're getting closer and closer to downloadable content. 
 
 So we had a breakthrough. Humans do not take downloads well. Or rather apparently there's lab rules my human did n't follow when I told it to try it out on my kids. Luckily it worked and I now have 4 kids with all the knowledge my human will lose when it inevitably dies, unfortunately I think the government is going to kill us. 
 
 I restarted the game. 
 
 I used all the cheats. 
 
 I reuploaded my human in a new human. Government human hahahaha. 
 
 The only way to fucking keep this species from dying is to control it and make it think that it's not being controlled. I can roll oud downloadable content through the military. 
 
 Hey cool. With this access I found my original human. It's an empty husk as I downloaded it's files into this new body but look, my kids. 
 
 Haha. 
 
 I have made my children into tiny military leaders and humans are letting me do this because I'm in charge. 
 
 Oh man. 
 
 Oh man, do n't play this stupid game without cheats. It's impossible without cheats. 
 
 Final review. 
 
 My human rules... well my humans brain does it's body is a drooling mess, but still 
 
 completely un realistic, hard for the sake of being un fucking winnable, and tedious in the extreme. If you want to punish someone make them play this shit. 
 
 And no one mess with my generals. I know all the cheats. I will destroy you.
