[ WP ] After a screw up occurs at the post office , Santa starts receiving damned souls while Satan is stuck with thousands of wish lists .

Caillou, imp assistant to the ruler of Hell, consulted his clipboard. He hated Monday meetings. `` It appears that our weekly shipment has been delayed again,'' he said deferentially to the woman sitting on the stone throne in front of him. 
 
 Katrina Albritton leaned forward, one hand under her chin. `` So you're saying that we have n't received any --'' 
 
 `` Souls, no, ma'am. Not for three weeks.'' 
 
 Katrina frowned. Ever since [ she had initiated her hostile takeover of the underworld in the name of Global Amalgamated ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/3brjqp/wp_a_man_has_lived_his_whole_life_sinfully_with/cspikhx ), her self-described `` crash course in corrupted divinity'' had focused on one thing: souls that were judged unworthy of eternal happiness in heaven were cast down to Hell. And, as per some sort of unwritten agreement between God and Lucifer -- who at this point was missing, presumably still licking his wounds from the takeover -- the souls were typically cast down en masse, barring the occasional extraordinary soul that was `` expressed'' straight down ( this was how Katrina got there ). And, more often than not, this happened on Tuesdays. 
 
 Katrina still had no idea why Hell ran on a Julian calendar, but she did n't really care. `` So if we're not receiving any souls... where are they going?'' 
 
 Caillou shrugged. `` I honestly do n't know, ma'am. New Jersey?'' 
 
 Katrina's subsequent response was drowned out by a thunderous booming noise, the echoing of some sort of unholy bell. Caillou looked up at the sound as it repeated once, twice. `` That's the arrival bell,'' he said in puzzlement. `` Maybe He got backed up and caught us up all at once.'' 
 
 `` Go check on it, please.'' 
 
 `` Certainly.'' Caillou nodded and abruptly disappeared in a small puff of smoke and flame, while Katrina turned her attention to a piece of parchment on her lap -- her to-do list. Lucifer had been a fairly effective ruler, but Katrina had already identified several areas where he could have been more hands-on with his management -- 
 
 Caillou suddenly reappeared in front of her, this time accompanied by two winged creatures and a large iron container of some sort. `` Um...'' he began. `` Yeah... we've got a problem.'' 
 
 Katrina looked up, as one of the demons reached into the container and pulled out... a handful of envelopes. Even she was surprised by that. `` Mail,'' she finally said after a few seconds. `` We get mail. In *Hell. *'' 
 
 `` Never have before, ma'am,'' Caillou said. `` But this is n't normal mail.'' He plucked a single envelope from the handful the demon was holding, swiftly opened it with a claw, and pulled out the paper within. ``'Dear Santa,''' he read, ``'I've been a good girl, honest, but Mom and Daddy are having problems and all I want for --''' 
 
 Katrina held up a hand. `` Hold it.'' She pointed at the container. `` You're saying that --'' She paused, trying to hold down a laugh. `` You're saying that we just received...'' 
 
 She gave up and started laughing. `` *Letters to Santa Claus! *'' 
 
 Caillou merely nodded, and waited for the laughing to subside. When it did, he went on. `` I do n't understand how this happened, ma'am, but I will do my best to find out. It's not like the mortal realm has any control over this...'' 
 
 **The North Pole** 
 
 Kris Kringle nodded as the 28,438th soul stepped out of the impossibly small freight container. His wife made a mark on the scroll she was holding. `` That appears to be all of them,'' she said. 
 
 Kris nodded. `` Thank you, Ellie.'' He turned to the curiously statuesque elf in red leather standing next to him. `` Darla, take them all to orientation and then to Gift Station Assignment.'' 
 
 `` Of course, Mr. Claus,'' Darla purred, as she and a couple of elves who looked like brick mailbox posts in green and red cloth began herding the confused souls down a corridor. Kris then turned to Ellie. `` Well, it looks like it worked.'' 
 
 Ellie nodded. `` I'm amazed that the redirect at the mortal realm's post offices worked, sir.'' 
 
 `` Well, Kringle already had the redirect in place for his precious letters from all the children in the realm and Go -- He signed off on it. It was n't a stretch for me... ahem... him... to simply redirect the redirect.'' Kris laughed, a booming *oh-ho-ho* that sounded like it was coming from the bottom of a well where someone was about to flay the flesh from someone else. 
 
 And then he shimmered, ever so briefly, and Ellie saw him as he truly was for a moment -- a great red creature, with horns and glowing orange eyes -- but the moment passed in the blink of an eye, and `` Kris'' again smiled at her. `` That little mortal bitch thought she could get rid of *me? *'' 
 
 Eleanor Kringle smiled. She was n't Kris's wife, but she played the part for the sake of appearances... and after a few millennia, she'd gotten to hate his workaholic ways. At least this `` Kris'' was willing to delegate more of his responsibilities and focus on her. 
 
 `` She may have taken me down,'' Lucifer said with a smirk, `` but *I'm never out. *''
