[ WP ] The heist is planned . The men are in place . Everyone who needed to be paid off has been . This is the moment you 've been waiting your whole life for : you 're finally going to get your hands on those Trix .

I could hardly contain my excitement. My ears stood up on end, and I had a strong urge to yell `` raspberry red, lemony lemon, orangey orange!'' 
 
 But I contained myself. I could n't let an outburst like that ruin months of careful planning. Instead, I took a pinch of crushed Fruit Loops and snorted them to calm my nerves. They certainly were n't Trix cereal, but they would hold me off for now. 
 
 As I watched a line of children emerge from the forest, I discreetly held a carrot up to mouth. I pretended to nibble on it as they approached to gloat over their possession of the cereal. The first of them, a dark haired girl of about 8 years old, spoke. 
 
 `` What've you got there, Rabbit? Have you finally given up on cereal? Is that why you've got that stupid carrot with you?'' 
 
 The other children laughed at her insult, but I just smiled. 
 
 `` Not quite'' I said, and pretended to give it another bite. The carrot whistled soft voices that only sensitive ears such as mine could pick up: 
 
 `` Rogue to Rabbit, Rogue to Rabbit: Alpha and Delta Teams are ready for deployment. Awaiting signal. Will be on standby unless otherwise notified. Rogue out''. 
 
 I cradled the walkie-talkie to my furry chest. I almost pitied these children. How were they to know about the trap they had just walked into? 
 
 `` This carrot sure is yummy'' I said. The kids eyed me doubtfully. I saw fear in their eyes. Good. The ball was in my court. 
 
 A red haired boy stepped up. `` Yummy, huh?'Bout as yummy as dirt, Rabbit!'' 
 
 `` Actually, it really is quite scrumptious. It's almost as tasty as... TRIX CEREAL!'' I shouted. 
 
 Immediately, the area burst into activity. Camouflaged soldiers emerged from their hiding spots in the nearby hills while another set of men swung down from the trees. All were heavily armed. 
 
 `` Wh-what are you gon na do to us?'' A black kid asked as he and his companions were surrounded by my mercenaries. There was nowhere for them to run. Everywhere they turned, AK47s and bayonets blocked their way. 
 
 `` It's funny you ask'' I said, strolling to the middle of their group and ruffling his hair in a gesture that was almost affectionate. Almost. 
 
 `` I've come to take what is rightfully mine! For too many years, you little shits have denied me my breakfast cereal! This injustice must be punished. And that is what I intend to do''. 
 
 I flicked my ear at the black kid's neck. Half a second later, no less than three 30 caliber bullets had gone through his throat. He pitched to the ground and convulsed in a puddle of blood. I felt a surge of excitement. 
 
 With an elegant leap, I cleared the group of kids and joined my soldiers. `` Now the rest of them'' I said. I glanced at my photographers to make sure they were getting this all on video. 
 
 `` The day of reckoning has arrived! You who withheld from me my cereal shall now pay a debt long-since owed! It is too late for the sweetness of fruit and sugar to restore my tarnished honor! The only price I seek is the salt and iron of your blood!'' 
 
 At the conclusion of this speech, I tipped both ears downwards, and my soldiers opened fire. I laughed giddily as I saw each of those sugar-hoarders fall to the ground and writhe in agony. Now they knew what it felt like to be a rabbit who'd been kept from achieving joy itself. 
 
 As I hopped around surveying the carnage, I saw that the girl who'd insulted me was still alive. She was clutching a box of Trix cereal to her wounds in an effort to avoid bleeding out. I knelt down next to her. 
 
 `` How does it feel to have the one thing that's keeping you alive taken from you?'' I whispered into her ear as I gently slid the box out of her arms. 
 
 She shuddered and her eyes rolled back into her head. It was all she could do to regain her composure enough to look at me. 
 
 `` You... will... never... get... this... cereal!'' She whispered fiercely. 
 
 `` It's too late, little girl. What makes you think I'm not going to enjoy every last bite inside this box?'' I asked. 
 
 She did n't answer me right away. Instead, she looked upward as if in a silent prayer. When she finally met my eyes again, I saw that she had opened her palms to reveal a large red button. 
 
 `` Because... Trix are for KIDS!'' she screamed, and I realized too late what was happening. 
 
 I heard the men screaming as they ran, but even if they had been a hundred feet away, it would n't have been enough. 
 
 As for me, well, I was n't about to waste any time running from an inescapable threat. I shoved my hands into the box and ripped open the plastic bag. Mouthful upon mouthful of colorful chunks of heaven poured into my throat. No drug could come within a billion miles of what I was experiencing now. 
 
 As I threw handfuls of the godly puffballs into the air, the girl jammed her thumb down on the button. 
 
 The last thing I remember before being enveloped by the fireball was a cascade of Trix cereal raining all around me. I had only one thought on my mind as I witnessed all the colors of nature turn to ash before my very eyes: Silly rabbit? I think not. 

