[ WP ] `` My biggest mistake ? It was to kill myself after I gave up trying . ''

I was nervous. Most of us were. The line seemed to stretch out into infinity, but somehow we could all see the pearly gates looming above us even from this distance. 
 
 Of course I knew the stories. Of St. Peter pouring over the contents of a man's life like a judge looking over a case. Dissecting every little fault or mistake to determine the worth of the man in question. In the stories, all it took was one sin. A single mistake and instead of walking through those bright welcoming gate, you'd find yourself plummeting into eternal torment. 
 
 I looked at the faces around me. Wondering if they too were racking their brains for every detail of their life. Cursing themselves for all the wrongs they'd done when they could have risen above it. Most of them wore solemn expressions. A few men and women were openly weeping in regret. But the old man next to me stood out in stark contrast to the rest. He was actually smiling. 
 
 `` Are n't you afraid?'' I asked him. I think I was looking to distract myself more than sate my curiosity. 
 
 The man shook his head. `` There's nothing to be afraid of here,'' he said. `` We've already done all we can do. Now it's just time to hear the judgement.'' 
 
 I could n't help but snort in derision. `` You must have been a saint then. If you're not afraid to be judged by your biggest mistake.'' 
 
 The old man had the nerve to laugh. 
 
 `` A saint?'' he shook his head. `` I do n't think there ever were any saints. Just people who are better at playing the game.'' 
 
 The skeptical look I gave him was enough to prompt him to continue. 
 
 `` You want to know the biggest mistake I made in life?'' He asked catching me slightly off guard. I was surprised he'd volunteer the information. 
 
 `` I killed myself.'' 
 
 Judging from his calm demener that was not the answer I was expecting. 
 
 `` I thought I was at the end of my ropes. I'd recently lost my job. Never really been in a good relationship. Was too proud to call my family for help...'' His smile took a somewhat bitter turn. `` It was n't that I could n't continue on. I think a part of me knew that I'd bounce back eventually. But I was tired of it all... so I gave up.'' 
 
 `` How did you...?'' I found myself asking the question before I realized how rude it was. 
 
 `` Jumped off a building. In retrospect, not the best way to go. I feel bad for whoever had to clean it up. But I can say it was quick. One moment I'm in the air, regretting everything, including the jump. The next I'm here waiting in line.'' 
 
 There was silence for a moment as I contemplated what I'd heard. The story did n't seem to match up with his cavalier attitude. 
 
 `` And you're not even a little worried about them holding that against you?'' I asked. The man obviously was n't Catholic. 
 
 The old man chuckled and shook his head. `` I'd be pretty surprised if they even considered it this time around,'' he said. `` It was 2 lives ago afterall.'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 The old man laughed harder at my confusion. 
 
 `` Like I said before, this is n't really a test, so much as a game.'' He gestured towards the front of the line. `` There's no fire and brimstone if you lose, but there are definitely rewards. The better you do in life, the greater your rewards. Everyone who lives a semi-decent life can at least make it through the gates. But once there they give you a choice: live for all eternity with the rewards you've earned, or start a fresh life with the chance to gain even more.'' 
 
 I was once again skeptical, but then I had been skeptical about the whole concept of an afterlife while I was alive. I figured for the moment I'd take the man at his word. 
 
 `` And what happens if you do n't make it through the gates?'' 
 
 The old man frowned. 
 
 `` Then they send you back to life. Only this time, in a better situation. One where you're more likely to live the kind of life that will get you through the gates.'' 
 
 `` And that's a bad thing?'' I asked. 
 
 `` In a way,'' he said. `` The rewards you gain are n't static. They're proportional to the difficulty of the life you lived. A genius billionaire who cured cancer, might be surprised to find herself living in a significantly smaller mansion than a poor child who died of starvation while trying to provide for her younger siblings.'' 
 
 `` Oh.'' I tried to figure out what that meant for me. Where did I even fit in on that scale of goodness and hardship? 
 
 `` That's why my greatest mistake was jumping off that building.'' The old man's smile had a note of melancholy in it. `` The life I was living was n't particularly hard, by general standards. But it was still too much for me to make it through those gates. They had to compensate by giving me the greatest handicap of all... the knowledge that it's all a game. That all I had to do was wait it out and I would have won.'' 
 
 `` So your last two lives... you knew about this the whole time?'' 
 
 The man nodded. `` Not that it did much good to tell anyone. People's responses made the crazy looks you gave me look tame.'' 
 
 I managed to chuckle at that. Even seeing the evidence of the pearly gates, it was a hard story to swallow. But now that I'd heard the story, it did put me at ease a bit. I was n't sure if I completely trusted the man, but it was nice to think that I would n't have to worry about eternal punishment at least. 
 
 `` Do you think you beat the game this time?'' I asked. 
 
 That brought a light back into the old man's face. 
 
 `` Oh I'm sure of that,'' he said. `` I made it through the gates last time as well. The rewards were actually quite decent too.'' 
 
 At this I frowned. `` But if you've already made it in, why did you try again?'' 
 
 I could hear the laughter in the old man's voice as he replied. 
 
 `` It's easy to quit when you're losing,'' he said. `` But much harder to quit when you win.''
