[ WP ] You stand at the edge of the roof , the streets twenty stories below your feet . You do n't jump . Why ?

You wake up every morning feeling empty. All you want to do is sleep. Your food has no flavor, your favorite movies bring you no joy, your favorite songs bring you to tears. You do n't necessarily want to live or die, just cease existing. How great it would feel to fall asleep tonight and not wake up. That way you won ’ t hurt the people you care about. You know it's irrational, but your mind is your worst enemy. Maybe you tell your friend that you think you might be depressed, and they tell you that you should travel the world if you feel you have nothing to lose. What's the point? You do n't feel anything as it is. How would it be different to sit on a beach in Thailand, not feeling anything? You think about calling a therapist, but hesitate as the number stares back at you on your phone. You tried the counselor thing in college, but the whole thing felt clinical, a bureaucrat running down a checklist. How cliché it would feel to lie down on a couch and vent about the meaningless problems that consume you. 
 
 You've gotten good at this - know when to smile and what to say to keep up appearances. Make it to work and do just enough to get through the day, come home at 5:15 and fall asleep, wake up at midnight and spend the hours until sunrise thinking about how worthless you are. You ca n't begin to imagine a world in which you might be happy, forgot what happiness could even feel like. Your parents sacrificed so much for you to get to where you are, but in your head you ’ re just a disappointment. They say that this is selfish, that you're going to hurt everyone around you, but maybe they'd all be better off without you. You're a burden. Or maybe you're not, but the pain is too deep and the light so faint that you ca n't see yourself ever escaping from the cruel joke your body plays on you every waking moment. In the grand scheme of the universe, your life means so little, and the hurt is so immediate. So you wrote a note and left it on your desk, apologized, told everyone that you love them and this isn ’ t their fault ( and you mean it ), but this is the only way you could imagine finding peace. 
 
 You would think that modern buildings have better security, but it ’ s almost funny how easy it is to get up onto the roof. There ’ s a crisp breeze and the sun is setting, its light reflecting off the glass towers surrounding you. If this moment wasn ’ t so macabre it would almost be beautiful. You stand at the edge and look down. The people on the sidewalk look like ants – indistinguishable specks. You close your eyes. Take a deep breath. You ’ ll fly for the first time before going to sleep. The void calls your name. But you can ’ t do it. Those indistinguishable specks are people, and one of them is going to be the first to see your mangled body. And as much as you ’ ve convinced yourself that this is the solution, you owe it to your soon-to-be heartbroken mother to give her the closure of an open casket. So you step back. Something so poetic shouldn ’ t end with a splat. You ’ ll find another way. 

