[ WP ] After dying , God asks you : `` So , how was heaven ? ''

John stared up into a foggy grey sky. Thankfully it was n't raining. He took in his surroundings until spotting the boy on the park bench, and groaned. 
 
 The boy beamed down at John from his perch. `` Yep. In a blaze of glory.'' 
 
 So, burned alive. Or something to that effect. Great. Just great. Asking how John thought of heaven was a dick move on God's part. The mortal could n't remember anything of the past... however long that was. 
 
 After brushing his pants, John stood. Mikros Park was empty, as usual. No divine or mortal would be interrupting their session. The interview follow-up was going to be conducted without any interference. `` How far did I make it?'' 
 
 A bob of brown hair swayed as he looked up, taking in some distance John could n't measure through the clouds. `` About five Circles.'' 
 
 `` About?'' John asked. `` Did I clear five Circles or not?'' 
 
 Baby teeth flashed at the mortal. `` I dunno. No man's gone that far before. It was pretty neat!'' 
 
 `` But did I make it to the sixth?!'' 
 
 A small hand was raised, silencing John's cascade of questions. `` It'd be easier to just say yes. You're not supposed to remember your interview, and there's a good reason for that.'' The finger pointed upwards. `` You were up there for a long time.'' 
 
 `` How many days has it been down here?'' 
 
 `` Two days,'' God replied. 
 
 `` And how many -- - `` 
 
 `` No,'' the boy cut off. `` You do n't get to know.'' He hopped from his park bench and approached the mortal. In the strange privacy of the park, John was at his mercy. As much as he was used to being played around with by the divine, the mortal was never this helpless before. God could do anything he wanted to him. Anything at -- - 
 
 `` Ice cream?'' 
 
 John blinked. `` Sure.'' He stooped down to accept the cone. Caramel dripped from the tall scoop to his finger, but it would have to sit there for now. `` Do I qualify then?'' 
 
 God looked up at him with large, brown eyes. `` In a way. You were pretty close John, but even if you did break the mortal record...'' the boy grimaced. `` Yuck, it was pretty tragic really.'' 
 
 He kept throwing in that word. Pretty. It would have bugged John if God was n't trying so hard to look normal. Everything about him was average, from his words to his appearance. Enough so that John was, again, beginning to doubt whether this was worth whatever effort he went through Upstairs. 
 
 `` How did I go out?'' 
 
 God blinked. `` The gate slammed on you, casting you back down here like a meteor.'' He gestured to the spot John was laying moments earlier. `` A pretty precise hit, really.'' 
 
 John stared. `` A *door* stopped me from hitting the sixth Circle of heaven?!'' 
 
 `` Well that's the thing. John, you technically reached it. But at the same time, you did n't enter. So I'm stumped.'' 
 
 `` No, you said it'd be easier to just say I did! I *need* this favor!'' 
 
 God pouted. `` I know what I promised. I also said,'depends how far you go.' Only saints and angels get to ask favors from me personally John, and I do n't know if I should let you have one.'' 
 
 `` On a technicality?'' 
 
 `` Yes.'' His response brooked no argument. 
 
 John walked past the small figure and took a seat on the bench, by where God once sat. There was n't even a breeze. Everything about this park was unfamiliar, despite being in his own neighborhood. It did n't make this any easier on the mortal. He also felt tired. A deep fatigue was weighing down his soul, and for the life of him, John did n't know if a nap would be enough. 
 
 `` If you told me the favor in advance -- - `` 
 
 `` That's not the point,'' John replied. Before taking in what he had just done, he continued, hoping the interruption would go unnoticed. `` The deal was that I spend time in your heaven pushing through every level I could as a mortal. I stress-tested your system, and made it pretty damn -- - `` John cut himself off. `` Sorry. I feel I deserve this.'' 
 
 God snorted. `` Of course you do. Want to know what happened the last time I gave a mortal a favor from me personally this millenia?'' 
 
 John shook his head. `` I probably do n't.'' 
 
 The boy grinned. `` Good, because *I have n't. * You do n't live long enough to appreciate what I can do here. Even if authorship of all creation is still being disputed between the other pantheons,'' two small hands rested on his hips in a pose of triumph. `` I can edit like nobody else! Pretty neat huh?'' 
 
 John nodded. `` It is. But I'm not asking for an edit.'' 
 
 The smile fell. `` What do you need?'' 
 
 `` No. Tell me I get a favor from you first.'' Whatever John went through in heaven, it made him determined. This was n't the first time his life was on the line before a god's sudden judgement. 
 
 A small huff came from the posing child. `` Fine. You gave my saints a lot to fix Upstairs. They wo n't be thanking you any time soon, but for now, I will. Do n't make me regret it.'' 
 
 John nodded. `` I need you to tell me where I can find my god.'' 
 
 The boy crooked an eyebrow. It was an odd expression for a face that small. `` What if your god does n't want to see you?'' 
 
 The mortal shrugged. `` That's my problem.'' 
 
 God mimicked his shrug, like he picked up a new way to express his average appearance. `` Very well. What's your god's name?'' 
 
 John told him. 
 
 The boy blanched, the rose-y flush of his cheeks disappearing. `` He's still around?!'' 
 
 John stared. `` What do you mean?'' 
 
 `` No, it's -- - `` the child fumbled for words in his distress. `` No wonder you came to me.'' 
 
 `` Why? Where is he?'' 
 
 `` I dunno,'' the boy said quietly. `` I have to look around for a -- - `` 
 
 `` You do n't know?!'' The mortal did n't care he interrupted God again. The shock had overtaken him. 
 
 The small voice responded. `` No John. But I will.'' 
 
 With that, the child god disappeared. A breeze blew through Mikros Park, leaving the mortal in a daze. 
 
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - 
 
 *This is set in the universe of All Gods Are Bastards, where gods give perks like in a video game. You can read about John and his god from Part 1 [ here ] ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/galokot/comments/42w5xl/all_gods_are_bastards/ ). Thanks for reading! *
