[ WP ] A ghost goes to a secluded cabin for some quiet time off but events take a turn for the sinister as the ghost is haunted by horny teenagers

I floated through the door of my old camping hut listlessly. Truth be told, life as ghost was n't as interesting as I had anticipated. Haunting was fun, at first, but it quickly became rather pathetic. After a couple hundred years of it, I was just craving real human contact, and to cause any emotion other than fear. 
 
 Even haunting those who'd annoyed me was n't much good. First of all, they died pretty soon. And when they did, oh boy. I mean, we might be ectoplasma but ghost-on-ghost fights are not pretty. Nothing quite like getting punched repeatedly in the phantom gut by your high school bully whom you spent fifty years haunting after your death. Vengeance just makes you the bully, really. And now none of the other ghosts wanted to speak to me. 
 
 I sighed heavily, settling in my favourite corner of the attic. It was quiet, and when the wind blew it made a tune that reflected all the sadness and ennui I was bottling up. 
 
 That was exactly when I heard the noise. A giggle. A giggle? 
 
 `` Get outta here.'' I muttered under my non-existent breath. 
 
 There it was again. Steps, bouncing up the stairs. More steps, heavier, following. 
 
 `` What d'you want to show me up here, Cassie?'' A hesitant grunt, deep but a little bit unsure of itself. 
 
 `` Come on! You'll see when we get there!'' A higher voice, clearly Cassie, answering. 
 
 *Ugh no, * I thought to myself, *please, anything but teenagers. * 
 
 The door burst open and there stood, silhouetted in candlelight ( *Candles? Hello-o, wooden cabin, fire hazard? Dumbass teenagers. This how you DIE! * ), a thin blonde girl with huge bazoomas and, behind her, a tall, wide-shouldered fellow. 
 
 `` So uh, this the attic uh.'' Said he. `` What d'you want to show me?'' 
 
 `` Oh nothing,'' she answered, laughingly seductively, `` I just wanted to get you to myself.'' 
 
 `` Uh, okay. Well, this is nice.'' 
 
 `` You like it?'' 
 
 `` Uh yeah, uh. The.. the beams are cool.'' 
 
 `` I bet you know *all* about *beams*.'' She winked. 
 
 *What the hell is she trying to say? Of all the convoluted innuendos... I think I might barf. * 
 
 `` Uh yeah, uh, my dad he's uh.. a carpenter.'' 
 
 *OH MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU SAY UH IN ONE SHORT SENTENCE. * 
 
 Cassie shook her long, golden hair so that even I, who had technically nothing more than the ghost of a sense of smell and was at the far end of the attic, got a whiff of straberries. The young man must have gotten a full blast, because he started awkwardly shifting from foot to foot, unsure of his own point. 
 
 `` That's so sexy. Building houses, like omg. You know... I'm getting really turned on right now.'' 
 
 `` Oh, uh, well, you know it's actually not that sexy cause he, uh, comes home all smelly.. and stuff.'' 
 
 `` Yeah,'' she answered, settling herself in a old armchair in a rather suggestive position, `` but man-smell is like.. UGH, it's like the best smell ever. Like, man smell when a man has been working out? I literally CAN NOT resist.'' 
 
 I sighed. The vocabulary had significantly lost its richness in the past two hundred years. 
 
 `` Well you probably would n't like his because it smells like old soup.'' 
 
 `` OH MY GOD Tray, that is so funny!'' And she laughed, rather louder and longer than the feeble joke deserved. 
 
 Tray grinned sheepishly and stopped shifting from foot to foot. 
 
 `` Yeah, it's like, uh, when my gamgam cooks left-overs. That's his mansmell. Gamgam left-overs. Heh.'' 
 
 She laughed some more and he seemed to pick up some confidence. Which was good, because I was starting to get seriously worried about the kid. She was basically throwing herself at him. Oh look, she was stretching in the armchair. Allright, she was totally throwing herself at him and he was looking away? Of all the oblivious teenagers... I had to do something. 
 
 I floated out of my corner and softly crossed the attic, positionning myself right behind him. Then I just took a step back and wooshed into him, pushing him forward a little. 
 
 `` Uh, uh, is it windy up here or what?'' 
 
 `` Oh? I had n't noticed...'' 
 
 Then, summoning my last dregs of materiality, I floated through the armchair Cassie occupied and gently tickled her ribs. She flew up shrieking and, thanks to my careful placement of Tray, landed directly in his arms. They stared at each other for a few seconds and then passionately began eating each other's face. 
 
 I chuckled very softly to myself and went back to my corner to savour the satisfaction of helping Tray get some. 
 
 
 
 
 ______ 
 
 
 A few minutes later, as I was still savouring with my eyes shut, the grunts I'd been hearing took a strange sort of turn. They'd been rythmical and forceful, but they were getting progressively higher and... like whimpers? 
 
 `` Oh please no, do n't, please.'' 
 
 *What? That's not right. It should be the opposite. * 
 
 My eyes flew open. The girl was crouched over the boy, who lay still, as though held down by some magic force. Her face was in his neck and all of a sudden, I realized the sucking noises I'd been hearing were not what I had thought. 
 
 *Uh oh. * 
 
 `` Please, stop, please... no..'' 
 
 She payed no attention and soon, his body starting spasming uncontrollably. With a final ( rather disgusting ) sucking *squelch*, she stood and surveyed the body as it spasmed, slower and slower. Finally, he stopped moving all together and she wiped the blood off her chin. Somehow, in the process of killing him she had become more beautiful and less human. Her hair shone too bright, her eyes glittered and there was something animal about her expression. 
 
 When she spoke, her voice too was changed, deeper, like a growl. 
 
 `` Thanks for dinner, darling.'' 
 
 
 
 
 __________ 
 
 
 She left, and I sadly surveyed the lifeless remains of Tray, the poor young athlete. He did n't even look like he had got that much fun out of it. 
 
 As these macabre thoughts ran through my mind, a silvery mist shaped like him emanated from his body. He looked around, saw me floating there with my legs crossed, and exclamated: 
 
 `` What the fuck, man?'' 
 

