[ WP ] A man begins to physically and mentally break down after he loses his connection to the internet .

`` Okay - turn... ON.'' 
 
 Nothing. James stared intently at the computer monitor. It was on, but the Internet - the gateway to porn and silly memes - was OFF. Someone had turned off his Internet. Probably his meddling daughter, a different approach to her usual `` computer intervention.'' 
 
 `` You game way too much, Dad! When are you going back to work?'' she would say ( frequently ) at the breakfast table, when Daddy still got up at that hour. 
 
 `` Jessica! What happened to the Internet? I ca n't get on the Internet!'' 
 
 James had some serious Internet business to attend to in the next five minutes, and his daughter's incessant decrying of his hobby was beginning to grate on his nerves, specifically the lengths at which she was willing to go to stop him from participating in it. Like **turning off the Internet! ** 
 
 `` JESSICA! THE INTERNET - WHY WO N'T IT GO TO GOOGLE!'' 
 
 He was panicked, his heartbeat so intense it felt as though it could rupture his chest cavity with a single thwump. He had become a creature of habit in his twilight years of beautiful, beautiful long-term disability, and any interruption of his usual routine could set him off. 
 
 *Still no response from Jess. * `` JESS! JESSICA! PLUG THE INTERNET BACK IN! DO THE ON-OFF THING!'' 
 
 James turned, looking out the window, checking for a car: None. 
 
 That's right - she was away, out of state, for school. Had been for a few months. James' late-night scotches had increased in frequency and potency in the previous six months. To some, they'd become a problem. 
 
 In a moment of desperation, James pulled a Blackberry from his pocket. Relief washed over him like a calming wave. Fetish porn and no-rules chat rooms, available at the click of a button! Fantasy football? That's his Tuesday *and* Thursday! Big schedule this week! 
 
 James began to navigate the outdated Blackberry's warped version of the Internet, a place from which few return ( at least with any worthwhile information or productive deed completed ), and soon found it to be completely useless. 
 
 `` Fuck it - I'm going to Starbucks.'' 

