[ WP ] Alien body snatchers come to invade Earth , but piloting a human body is challenging .

Humans were such an unnecessarily complicated race, they contained so many organs and fluids, and their bodies so stiff with these bone segments of theirs. They move awkwardly, limbs bending about like Po-Brok wind generators on a bad day. The High Counsel came to me for advice on how to assimilate such an... unorthodox race. I suggested sending an idiot to, test the waters, as it was an easy way to gather information on easy adaptations to allow for more fluid integration into the Galaxy Chain. Oh, did they choose well. 
 
 Jk'lor had been chosen by the High Counsel as the first invader on planet Earth. Oh no, EARTH. The Counsel knew how unruly such a race was, with all their bipedal walking and whatnot. Jk'lor was also in the dregs of the invasion squadrons, so his... untimely demise would not really bother anyone. 
 
 When he had heard of his assignment, he implored to the council to reconsider, but his constant babbling only got him thrown planet side faster. Jk'lor was also chosen because of his form, an energy being. 
 Since humans were so frail and weak-minded, it was only appropriate to send an invading officer who was the same, but what the Counsel did n't realize, and what Jk'lor learned with difficultly, was the sheer biological complexity of the simple minded race. 
 
 Jk'lor had chosen a random human male on his decent into the atmosphere, and with ease fused into his body into the humans. Intercepting neural signals and replacing them with their own was simple from the testimony of other energy invaders. Ever so slowly he took control of the mans body, however, in the process caused several violent muscle spasms which knocked over a mailbox, dented a car, and scared an elderly woman on her morning walk. 
 
 Jk'lor, however, after gaining full control of the humans body, fell sideways onto a car, where he swore ( quite loudly ) in Remusian. `` AAH, VOCAL CHORDS, I SEE. HOW, PR-P-PRIMITIVE.'' He shouted at the top of his lungs, as he seemed to have trouble with controlling the decibel level of the chords. With a great amount of force, threw out the clunky limbs of the human until he was back in an upright position, though any normal human would note the fact that his legs were around shoulder length apart, while his arms jutted out in a T-position. 
 
 Jk'lor had also come to the realization of the sheer complexity of these face muscles which humans possessed, and with some tweaking, he created hyper-exaggerated smiles, frowns, and terrifying in-between faces which caused the people looking from their windows to recoil, and a few called the police reporting a'guy who is either drunk or way too high'. 
 
 Once the police came to the scene, Jk'lor had gotten the basic concept of walking down, but arm control still eluded him, and so he had given up on attempting control of them. Now they flopped at his side comically as he did an almost military style strut along the sidewalk, all while contorting his face and yelling sentences about'world assimilation' and'nasty meat bags'. 
 
 Needless to say the police officers sent to the scene did not enjoy being called either'meat bags' or'smelly bipeds of hairy ancestry'. However, when they attempted to arrest Jk'lor he flung his noodle-like arms about desperately, and as he did not understand the strength of his body, he knocked one of the officers out. The other pulled out a tazer and pointed it at Jk'lor, while asking him to stand down, but Jk'lor simply began screaming, `` WEAK HUMANS! HA! I, JK'LOR SHALL BE YOUR ASSIMILATOR!'' 
 
 Accounts from this point on are a bit fuzzy, both from human records gleaned from their primitive computers, and also from the Chains monitoring devices. But base knowledge suggests that Jk'lor attempted to attack the second officer, but was tazed. Humans would simply be knocked out, but Jk'lor was an energy being, so this caused, simply put, an overheating in the humans body. The body exploded, but Jk'lor survived the blast. Accounts after that came from human testimony, and suggest that the police officer was also'assimilated' by Jk'lor, as the officer ran awkwardly down the street, while flailing his arms, doing so until tripping over his legs and falling on his face. Witnesses state that the officer cried out, `` AH, LEGS! BRIAGHSTOT! WHY WILL YOU NOT CONTORT SUCH WAYS?'' The officer was, and logically Jk'lor, were unable to get up from the'face-plant' position, as it's called. 
 
 We are still unable to located Jk'lor since the incident, but he seems to find his way into human compounds designated as Insane Asylums, with amazing skill and ease. 
 
 I suggest the Counsel simply send the Bgorian neural adapters, far less fuss. 

