[ WP ] It 's New Years Eve . Your best friend died in September , you 've been robbed twice , your girl friend is leaving you , you 've just lost your job and the only one left to talk to is a gay burglar you 've got tied up in the kitchen . P.S . Your cat is dead .

`` Would it help if I tried to seduce you?'' His lip corners tug at his cheeks. His wrists tug at the plastic cuffs. 
 
 `` I thought the whole'if you're gay, you must want me' thing was a hurtful stereotype?'' 
 
 `` Well, could n't hurt anymore than this.'' He winces. He's faking. I went easy on him, all things considered. Couple bruises. `` Besides, you're not that bad looking.'' Couple fractures. `` Well... not *awful* looking..'' He tugs again. 
 
 `` Plenty time for more hurt.'' I fetch the bottle I was saving for the bells, and a glass. `` Night's not over yet.'' 
 
 `` Year almost is, though.'' He eyes the bottle. I ca n't stop a grin, at that. 
 
 `` Almost.'' I pour and take a swig. Fucking police. Were n't in time last time, wo n't be now. Have to do every goddamn thing myself. Alone. 
 
 `` Well, have you ever..?'' He cocks his head and puts tongue-in-cheek. Subtle. `` Come on, at least give me an *idea* as to what I'm working with, here.'' 
 
 Another swig. `` I have a girlfrie-'' A burning one. `` I had a girlfriend. You've not much to work with, man.'' 
 
 He crosses his legs and looks around. At the pictures. `` Sorry to hear that..'' 
 
 `` Sorry she left, or..?'' 
 
 `` Sorry for my chances.'' 
 
 I like this guy. Almost a shame I already called the cops. New year's in a cell... I get another glass. 
 
 `` How come she did n't take the pictures?'' Ah. He spotted one of us. 
 
 `` She was n't exactly wanting to stick around for hugs.'' 
 
 `` You cheat-?'' 
 
 He flinches. It's not until I look down that I realize I smashed his glass. My hand is bleeding. Did n't know I was strong enough for that. Not strong enough for most things, these days. 
 
 `` Please stop talking. I'd prefer it, if you do n't mind.'' 
 
 He nods, slowly and once. 
 
 I leave the room and fetch a dustpan and brush. I return, brushing up the glass and trashing it. He has n't moved. Still no cops. New Year. Fucking New Year. 
 
 `` Where was I? Right. She left. In a hurry. Killed the cat on her way out, ran it over and did n't stop to-'' My hand is shaking. I pour another drink. `` Did n't stop to take it to the vet's or.. or- or so much as leave a ***fucking note***!'' 
 
 Fireworks already. I check the T.V. No bells yet. Is n't that bad luck or something? `` I loved her.. I think. I used to. Maybe it was Ken dying or.. I dunno. Maybe I'm depressed or something. No fun going out, even getting excited at things is..'' Another realization. Night of them, it's turning out. `` I ca n't remember the last time I got excited for something. Not for seeing her, or weekends away or.. even the new Star Wars!'' 
 
 `` Jesus.'' He panics. It really just slipped out. Not his fault. 
 
 `` Right?'' I pour another drink, spilling a little. Too much. I walk over and place it in his lap, and sit down across from him. `` If you wan na escape, now's your chance. I doubt anyone's fucking coming anyway.'' 
 
 He does n't move. He picks up the glass, rolls it in his hands. Downs it. Coughs a lot. `` That is disgusting.'' 
 
 Haha. 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 Oh. Did n't realize I laughed aloud. I shake my head. `` Nothing, it's just.. I fear it would n't have worked between us anyway. I like my girls to swallow.'' 
 
 He laughs at that. I'm not sure why he has n't left, but I do n't care. Right now, I do n't think I'd care if he strangled me with the flimsy fucking plastic and took everything. It would n't matter if I killed him either. Just be something else to deal with. I'd have to hide the body and go about my life. My fucking life. 
 
 `` Who's Ken?'' He holds out the glass for a refill. I refill it. 
 
 `` Ken.'' Half a bottle left. `` *Was* my friend.'' I stop mid-pour. `` Best friend, I suppose.'' I continue the pour. `` He..uh.. died abroad. Ages away. Funeral was in some shitty church near his hometown. His parents did n't want me there. Bastards.'' I rub my spinning head. `` Ahh.. they did n't even have his body. Did n't have it back for the coffin. I asked why. Some fucking Spaniard answered. Was n't much of a body left,'pparently.'' He gulps. Drinks again, well, more sips. 
 
 `` Sorry.'' He seems sincere. I shrug. 
 
 `` I mean, things just happen. That's what I found out. That's the lesson in him dying. There is no reason for it, there is no big plan. There is no mystery as to why he died, or why people die all over. Why kids die. Why people live shitty lives and die unfulfilled. Why there are no'soul *mates*' and there's no karma and no reason as to why people die. Other than something or one killed them.'' I try to calm down. I'm not sure it works. He's staring at me. I feel like a fucking actor. But I do n't shut up. 
 
 `` I just..'' I'm crying. `` They never tell you you're bad, y'know? The movies, I mean. The books. Every one has a main character and I'm just like every single one of them. I got a girl, I got a job, I got a best friend, I even got a fucking cat! And, and.. I wo n't die with her in my arms. I wo n't get promoted. Or talk to Ken about how I'm in love and wan na marry her.'' I wipe my eyes. I'm doing that thing where my breathing goes with the tears. Very ugly. `` I thought I was some sorta main character. Because they get the happy endings. But y'know, they never tell you about the bad guys, or the comic relief characters y'know? Or the characters that fucking die halfway through. So what if I'm that. What if I'm not *destined* for anything. No happy ending, no marriage or kids or absolution or..or..'' I'm saying'or' a lot. 
 
 `` Not everyone can have a happy ending. That's what they do n't tell you. If I killed you now I would n't be going to prison, that's just what they make you think so you do n't kill anyone. No great power will'strike me down'. You'd be dead, and I'd feel guilty, but if I mopped you up and lied, that'd be it. I'm the only one who controls what I do. And I'm a good person. I know I'm a good person. I do n't kill people. I would n't kill people if I could, even if I was angry or sad, like right now.'' 
 
 He looks scared. 
 
 `` What I mean is, I mean... if God exists he killed my friend. He kills every day. He got me fired and killed my fucking cat! I would n't do that even if I could. Even if there was some mysterious plan to follow. Even if I had to. With a gun to my head, I'd say no and I'd die, and they'd be alive. Instead of..'' I motion to him, then the room. `` All *this*!'' 
 
 `` But maybe I got myself fired. I hated that job, maybe that's a blessing. But I loved that fucking cat, man.'' 
 
 He laughs. Much more nervously. I suppose I did just talk about killing him. I go to the kitchen and fetch a knife. When I come back he panics. I cut the shitty plastic. Ca n't say I did n't think about it though. 
 
 The bells are in a minute. The countdown is soon. 
 
 `` Still wan na fuck?'' I wipe my eyes and laugh. 
 
 He smiles. `` Well.. now that I'm free..'' He eyes the knife. I laugh. Time to put my money where my nihilistic mouth is, I guess. I hand him the knife. Tilt my head up, open my arms. `` You can take whatever you want. I wo n't even ask you to make it quick, I mean, if you get off on pain or something, at least someone does, y'know?'' I laugh. Pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy. 
 
 He grips the knife. The countdown begins. 
 
 I kiss him. First time kissing a guy before. He's probably freaking out right now. Huh. It's kinda like a girl's mouth. Little thinner, maybe. More stubble. The kiss ends. The look on his face is... difficult to describe. 
 
 `` Happy New Year!'' 
 
 I do kinda wan na fuck him.
