[ WP ] In the middle of the night , a piece of paper is slipped under your door . It says , `` DUCK ! ''

`` I'm sorry,'' says the Dalai Lana, `` there's nothing more I can do.'' 
 
 I think I detect a note of smugness in his voice, but I'm not sure. It's hard to tell over the phone. And will *thinking* I do make the situation worse? could it get any worse? Yes. Think of ants and dung beetles. 
 
 I look out through my office windows over Tiananmen square, see the people scurrying about like ants. What did they do in a previous life to end up like this? Something bad. They deserve my authority over them. 
 
 I wave the piece of paper in the air, fanning myself like a court lady, thinking of the ancient traditions I ignored for too long. 
 
 `` its not so bad,'' the Dalai Lama continues. `` it could've been worse.'' 
 
 `` i could have you locked up'' I yell. `` if you do n't change this I will have you tortured!'' 
 
 `` i have already been locked up,'' he says calmly. `` i can not change the Buddha's will. I did as you requested and asked the Buddha what you would be reincarnated as.'' 
 
 `` you did n't even have the balls to tell me to my face. Slipping it under the door on a note! I am a senior communist party official! I deserve better!'' 
 
 `` you are correct. I knew you would be angry.'' 
 
 `` ca n't you speak to the Buddha?'' 
 
 `` i ca n't bribe a god, sir. And trying to might make things worse.'' For a crazy moment I consider that this is part of some Tibetan insurgency: turn all the Chinese into farm animals when they die ( Orwell would think this wonderful punishment for Marxists ) then take back their land. But even if it is, there's nothing I can do about it without making my reincarnation form worse. Any further sins and I'll go further down the hieracy. That's the problem with communism in modern China: we rose together but we will fall alone. 
 
 I sigh. Across the building dinner is called. I think of the BBQ duck with sudden empathy and realise that if I'm reincarnated in China I'm going to have a short life. Perhaps this is good. Less time to screw up. 

