[ WP ] Aliens finally decide to give Earth a visit ... but by the time they get there , it 's undergoing an apocalypse .

`` Hahay guys, what's up?'' I cheerily said into the microphone. I had to make a good first impression here, and due to FiveBot's request, I decided it would be a good idea to present myself to the humans in the least-threatening way possible. I quickly turned and looked behind me to be greeted by the glaring stares of my cohorts, who never seemed to agree with my lighthearted antics. `` Come on guys, cheer up!'' I called back, trying to smile despite how nervous I was. 
 
 `` Dude,'' Marm said with an unsatisfied tone. `` You had one fucking job.'' 
 
 `` Oh! Right, oh me's F, I'm so sorry about that, I'll fix that right away,'' I said, quickly realizing my mistake. Marm was right, I did just have one job. In fact, I had a script in front of me that simply read `` We come in peace'', yet FiveBot had to get the better of me this time and convinced me I had to put my own characteristic spin on it. I turned back to the microphone and carefully recited the line, making sure to do it in a way that would not upset my fellow crew members. I looked back for my crew's approval, sheepishly smiling and giving a thumbs up that would make even Franz-Oglonaut cringe. Everyone collectively avoided my eye contact, save for FiveBot, who stood still by my side, holding his hand up in the air for someone to come slap it for the hapindrindth time. I sighed and turned back to look out the window. 
 
 The sprawling city that lay ahead of us was surprisingly dormant. Back on Crest, cities were always lively and full of bustling, busy people. Here, however, it seemed as if everything was *dead*. A uncomfortable silence lingered with the crew for minutes until T-Lon broke it: `` Uhm, I thought you researched this place, Rink. Did n't you say that humans were social creatures? Because I do n't really see anybody out there.'' 
 
 `` Yes, yes!'' I retorted, starting to doubt my jions of research I put into this. My eyes were scanning the cityscape back and forth, desperately looking for any sign of life as I was explaining, `` In fact, they're not so different from us Skilates. My records show videos of them *out* and actually *doing* things with each other. Our connections to their air-data showed countless digital pages of them sharing information and pictures. This does n't make any sense!'' 
 
 Out of the corner of my eye, I caught some of my crew members shaking their heads and murmering to each other. Whipping around, I tried to meet some of their eyes with a pleading look. `` No, guys! Come on, believe me! They're here! The-They've got to be!'' Some of them got up and left. Others directed their attention to the seemingly perpetually interesing walls and floor. `` Let me prove myself that I can be your Captian! Just one second,'' I announced, swallowing. I turned around to the control console and took a deep breath before taking ahold of the ship's various controllers. I smiled up at FiveBot and said confidently, `` We've got this, man. Let's do it.'' Letting go of the controls momentarily, I reached up and slapped his giant rubber hand with the force of a raging Jamelopft. `` Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!'' He exclaimed, eyes brightening. `` FiveBot likes that.'' 
 
 `` Yeah you do,'' I said, shifting my gaze to the view outside the giant window in front of me. With determination, I began to maneuver the ship to the next-biggest city on Earth. `` Let's find these guys.'' 
 
 -- -- -- -- 
 
 *two weeks later* 
 
 
 
 I stared dumbfounded at the slip of paper I held between my hands. `` Garmen Rink,'' it read. `` We regret to inform you that your status of Captain on the ship EXP-5 has been revoked. Reason: Failure to lead a meaningful expidition to the planet Earth, essentially wasting 6 < 00 < 00 < 00 < 00 Braps. If you feel there has been a mistake and would like to speak to a member of the Council, fucking cry about it. This is a Tyranny, bitch. Enjoy your life as a Rank X. 
 
 -- Signed, Branch of Galactic Exploration, Verenna Plasch.'' 
 
 I could n't even appreciate the sense of humor that Verenna included in the message. I put literally liops of my life into getting that fucking title. And it was no easy feat considering I was born a Rank P, and have had people turning me down sice my early childhood. I swear I put in the proper research concerning this species! I could write an entire volume of Packages about it! They had parties, they went to school, they `` dabbed'' together, they made `` Vines'' and `` YouTubed'' and drank alchohol and loved each other and made kids. It seemed like such a well-rounded species. The perfect one to meet. Why were n't they there? Where did they go? That's unexplainable. 
 
 I took a deep breath and set the paper down on my table. I looked over at my wall to find a giant, glaring `` RANK X'' shining in my face to rub it in. *I really tried, this time, did n't I? That's what I should be proud of. * I plodded over to my Console and entered in the settings for a scheduled self-extermination. *6 tomorrow should do it. I just need to get my egg sample ready so I can pass on my life. Hopefully my offspring do better than I did. * I turned off the Console and sighed, massaging my face and thinking about my life's actions. *Yeah, self-extermination should do it. That should do it, alright. * 
 

