[ WP ] After falling for a `` Win a free iPad ! '' website , a mob boss decides to collect his free iPad by any means necessary .

`` Hey! Tony! Get a load of this garbage! Ha!'' he thundered across the hall. 
 
 `` I'm trying to fuckin sleep alright, huh? People have things to do tomorrow, you piece of fat shit.'' Tony said, stumbling his way over to the desk, `` And open a window or something for gods sakes, it smells like a goddamn pool hall in here, Have some courtesy, alright? Jesus.'' 
 
 `` Look at this.'' 
 
 `` Look at what? I ca n't see around your fat fuckin fingers alright?'' 
 
 `` Free. iPad.'' J said, `` HA! I ca n't believe the shit that's on the internet now, huh? What do you call em? Pop ups? Is that was this shit is? Huh?'' 
 
 `` Wait wait wait...'' Tony trailed off, `` No, no. J, this might be legit.'' he whispered with one arm on the desk, eyes glued to the monitor. 
 
 `` What in the fuck? It's just Donny and his stupid fuckin Facebook page. He's always got this shit on here. *watch this amazing proposal* this and *top 10 weight loss tips* that.'' 
 
 `` Should've clicked on that one there, boss.'' 
 
 `` Fuck you, Tony.'' J said, puffing his cigar. `` So no bullshit, you're telling me this could be legit. I'm really the 999,999th visitor to this shit?'' 
 
 `` Yeah, yeah. My brother up in the bronx said he got a new phone in the mail from one of these things.'' 
 
 `` Tony.'' 
 
 `` What?'' 
 
 `` Get some fuckin clothes on.'' J asserted, standing, with his hairy chest billowing over his sweats. He took off his chain and set it on the desk, and hurriedly walked out of the room. `` We're getting that fuckin iPad, Tony!'' he bellowed. 
 
 33 East was Donny's address. Only minutes away from the house. Tony gripped cold steel while J drove like a mad man. 60. 57. 45. Addresses blew past while Tony grimaced out of the window. J wheezed with every breath, too many years of smoking were finally catching up. 
 
 `` I ca n't believe you did n't put a fucking shirt on, J.'' 
 
 `` It will only be a minute. Bust in the door, get the iPad, we're in, we're out, boom. We go home.'' 
 
 `` That better be exactly how it fuckin goes, J, I'm not getting blood on this shirt. It's new, alright? And for the record, I fuckin like Donny, so, let's keep it calm in there, okay?'' 
 
 `` Yeah yeah whatever you say.'' 
 
 J stepped out of the car and paced toward the house with peeling white paint. Tony followed close behind, sweat forming on his brow. On the porch, J turned to Tony and said, `` Can you believe this shit?'' pulling some paint off the door, `` *Eggshell*. That's what he calls this shit. Anyone that calls their house color *eggshell* does n't deserve a fuckin iPad.'' Before Tony could get a word in, J kicked open the door, with ferocity he had n't seen in him in years. 
 
 `` DONNY! WHERE IS IT? WHERE'S MY FUCKIN IPAD!'' Tony audibly let out a sigh as J began to saunter through the darkness of Donny's house. As they came up on the bedroom door, and rattled the doorknob, it was locked. `` Do n't hide from me, Donny. I know. I know you've got it in there.'' 
 
 A muffled voice came from behind the mahogany. `` I do n't know what the fuck you're talking about J! Get out of my house! C'mon, it's 3 in the god damn morning!'' J stepped back, and burst through the door like it was papier mäché. 
 
 *clack clack clack* Three shots. Right into Donny's chest. He slumped back on the bed. Carmine blood began to pool at their feet. 
 
 `` There she is Tony. There she fuckin is.'' He said, motioning towards the nightstand. A sleek black rectangle sitting beneath the lamp. 
 
 `` You're fucking kidding me, J.'' 
 
 `` No. I'm not. It's right here.'' 
 
 `` No, not about that you sack of garbage. Blood. On my shirt. You *fuck*.'' 
 
 `` C'mon you big pussy, I'll order you a new one off of here. Hehe.'' J chuckled as he put his handgun in his waistband, and slid open the newly acquired tablet. `` Let's get out of here before the pigs show up.'' 
 
 `` I can not fucking believe you, J.'' 

