[ WP ] Mark Zuckerberg decides to end Facebook . He 's going to pay users $ 1 for every `` Like '' they accumulate until the company is bankrupt .

I checked my stats, “ What!? 15! ” 
 
 Everyone in the office stared at me. Even Lucinda stood up in her cube to mockingly at me over the wall. 
 
 I had spent the past few days trying to find one status, any status, to get some ‘ Likes ’. 
 
 First, I ’ d pulled out old baby pictures of me. When it netted me seven bucks - one each from my; one from my older sister and young brother; one from my girlfriend; one from an ex, which did not go over well current girlfriend; and one from Tim, who gives me the creeps - I knew I ’ d have to find a better tactic. 
 
 Puppies got me nothing. The place had become a cesspool of puppy and cat pictures with humorous sayings that people referred to as the a-pup-calypse or a-cat-mageddon, so it was next to impossible to get my late dog Muffy noticed. That it was a male dog that got named Muffy was apparently only noteworthy to myself. 
 
 Finally, I put some – what I thought were sexy, but from the comments were more apparently funny – pictures of myself. I figured if I ’ m going to whore myself out, why not go all out it. In it to win it! 
 
 When Creepy Tim was the only one who “ Liked ” it I almost gave up. 
 
 Then a wave of ‘ I ’ m going to kill myself if I don ’ t get a hundred-thousand likes ’ started popping up all over. I would have totally tried it but 1 ) I'm afraid of dying 2 ) I'm pretty sure my obit would get more likes that my threat 3 ) Did I mention I was afraid of dying? 
 
 Then, last night, I had the most brilliant idea. Rushing to my computer I booted up photo shop. Drafting up a picture of a cat, dangling from a shower curtain, over a me as a baby in a bathtub, with the threat of a plugged in hair dryer about to tumble in killing us all I overlaid the words “ Pussys, Babes, and Blow til ’ ya got ta go. ” 
 
 I thought it was gold! I had walked into the office and started drafting up my resignation letter, rehearsing my “ go to hell ” speech for Lucinda, and was on cloud nine. I figured, I check in to see how my investment was doing and … 
 
 15 likes. 
 
 “ That ’ s it! I ’ ve had it! ” 
 
 Logging in, I posted my final Facebook “ What ’ s on your mind? ” 
 
 Typing furiously. “ Goodbye Facebook. Hello ello! ” and then started googling, “ How do I delete my Facebook account ”. 
 
 As I pulled up the procedure to start the withdrawl process, my phone started buzzin. 
 
 It was Katy, my girlfriend. “ What ’ s up? ” I asked as I slid my phone between my ear and shoulder. 
 
 “ Did you rob a bank or something? ” 
 
 “ What? ” 
 
 “ Half a million dollars just showed up in your checking account! ” 

