[ WP ] You just found out that the forbidden Apple Adam and Eve ate had parasites that turned them against God ... . Through revolution , we have no idea where the parasite is hiding in our body , but one day ... ... .

I've been single for nearly three years now, and it's gotten to the point of being shameful. I tried creeping around bars, but I am constitutionally inept in public places -- I tried online dating, but unfortunately my words are far prettier than my face. I finally got to the point where I started hitting up old high-school acquaintances, and I've been working my way sadly down the list. 
 
 Today I arranged to meet with one of those, with a familiar old Rebecca, at a coffee shop. It's always awkward to see someone again after fifteen years, when you never knew them very well to begin with -- I always start these conversations by vaguely trying to recall the teachers that we had together, and the final impression they left on us. Me and Rebecca talk about Mr. Lucas for a while, and about the time he had to have a substitute come in because he passed out while vomiting on the toilet and got a concussion. The kind of shared memory that really bonds two individuals, even after fifteen years. 
 
 I'm pleasantly surprised by the condition of her face -- she's aged remarkably well. I wo n't tell her that, it's not appropriate. But I do feel compelled to bring up the overwhelming cross that she's wearing around her neck, since I do n't recall her as being religious. 
 
 `` Rebecca,'' I say, `` what is this monstrosity around your neck?'' It looks like a piece of driftwood, nailed to a fragment of a railroad tie. The chain is, by necessity, thicker than my index finger ( admittedly, I have small hands ). I do n't mean to be rude, but it does seem rather much for good taste. 
 
 She says, `` Oh, this. I have to wear this. God told me to.'' 
 
 I breath in and breath out. I do n't mean to be an overbearing atheist, but often I am. If we lived in a world without etiquette, I would have gladly walked away at that moment. But out of obligation, and perhaps out of a small curiosity, I tried to make conversation out of it instead. 
 
 `` God told you to? He talks to you a lot?'' 
 
 `` Only recently,'' she says. 
 
 We're getting to the core, already. She's had some sort of traumatic episode within the past few months, it's messed up her mind, and that's why she's on the same pathetic trajectory as I am, of surveying forgotten acquaintances. I say, `` Well how did that start?'' 
 
 She says, `` Well, I never used to be religious at all, but I spent a lot of time at the hospital. I was very sick, but God helped me.'' 
 
 `` If it's not too much to ask, what were you sick with?'' 
 
 `` Appendicitis,'' she says. `` I'd been in pain for so very long. I lost a lot of weight ( I'd noticed ), I felt nauseous all the time. But I did n't think anything was really wrong until it ruptured. I almost died, but they were able to remove it all. 
 
 `` God appeared to me that night. He was holding my appendix in his right hand and he said,'Daughter of Eve, you've been cleansed of your sins. You must make a cross, and wear it. And thou shall live a holy life.' I've been wearing this ever since. And I've been so much happier, I really have.'' She takes a sip of her coffee, as if to emphasize the point. 
 
 I am reaching my limits. I say, `` What kind of God would soil his hands with an infected appendix? Do you know what causes appendicitis? Fecal blockage. It's a strange kind of god that would n't at least put a sterile glove on before picking that thing up. Was he wearing a glove? Do you remember?'' 
 
 She's taken aback. She says, `` No, I uh... No. No glove.'' 
 
 `` Well see, that's why I do n't believe you.'' I stand up, very much wanting to be done with the whole ordeal. `` It's been a pleasure, Rebecca. And be careful around wood chippers. If that thing gets sucked in, it will take you with it.'' 
 
 I am surprised to see, as I begin to turn away, not a look of disdain, or hurt -- but compassion. 
 

