[ WP ] Due to a misunderstanding the hero arrives at the tower , defeats the princess , and marries the dragon .

I found the tallest room in the highest tower, and gently tapped on the door. A tentative voice from inside - `` Come in'' - and I break the door with my heel. The princess jumps, startled. 
 
 `` Wow! You're really strong...'' She slowly undoes the buttons on her aquamarine dress, and advances towards me. 
 
 I glance down, kick a large splinter from the door into my hand, and smack her across the face. She cries out, bounces off the mahogany dresser before crumpling to the floor. 
 
 `` Jesus Christ!'' She yells, spitting blood. `` What the fu-'' 
 
 `` Silence, demon!'' I shout, kicking her across the jaw and tipping the dresser onto her. I hear her muffled screams from underneath. I put my foot down, squeezing her between the floorboards and her soft clothes, encased in wood. 
 
 `` OW! OW!'' 
 
 I smirk. `` Do n't try and win my sympathy, hellspawn. I'm here for the princess.'' 
 
 `` Im the princess, asshole!'' 
 
 `` I've had enough of your taunts, ghoul!'' I reach into my travel pack and remove a can of gas and some matches. I drench the wench and set her alight. Her screams are drowned out by the crackling of fire. I laugh to myself, but a voice behind stops me. 
 
 `` You saved me.'' A deep voice, gruff but comforting, stern but... sexy. I turn around. 
 
 `` My highness, your pleasure. I mean, my pleasure, your highness. I'm sorry, I'm -'' I trip over my words, looking for the perfect thing to say. `` I'm in love.'' 
 
 `` Then kiss me! Oh, how I've longed for the touch of a man, a muscular man such as yourself.'' 
 
 We embrace, and I see my life flash before my eyes. A life of love, of children, of white weddings and blue tea parties, of friends and family and fire and death and darkness and - 
 
 I pull away, shivering. `` What have you done?'' 
 
 He laughs. `` What have I done? Look around, hero. This is your doing.'' 
 
 I try to raise my fist, but the shackles prevent me from moving. A shock flows through my body, and I slump. 
 
 `` Fuck.'' A distant voice says. `` Put him through again. We'll get what we need eventually.''
