[ WP ] a small child awakes from being clinically dead screaming that it was empty and nobody was there . Soon similar stories spread from across the world and the truth slowly emerges ; there is nobody left in heaven .

`` It's all a bunch of superstitious hooey,'' scoffed Gerald as he straightened his fedora on his fat, balding head. It was beginning to slide just a little too far over his forehead because of all his slippery sweat. 
 
 `` But it ca n't be, Uncle Jerry!'' reasoned Mabel, a short 7-year old girl. `` You would n't want to make God angry by saying things like that!'' 
 
 Gerald was convinced that everything Mabel was saying was a result of it being beaten into her by his insane older sister over the course of her entire lifetime. Clarice has become a born-again Christian not too long after having had her first car crash at the age of 20. 
 
 `` Gerald, stop saying things like that in front of Mabel,'' groaned Clarice. `` She gets night terrors.'' 
 
 `` Maybe that's because you've been fucking her over, telling her all this bullshit her whole life! She's traumatized!'' yelled Gerald. 
 
 `` Gerald, do n't tell me how to raise my kid. Especially when you're just a know-nothing teen who's on the computer all day. What would you know?'' said Clarice, now fixing Mabel's hair. 
 
 `` God's gon na send Uncle Jerry to the bad place, right Mama? Just like you said?'' asked Mabel, looking up into her mother's eyes. Clarice looked a bit flustered after Mabel had said that. 
 
 `` Well, Clarice, am I?!'' challenged Gerald, teeth grit in his mouth. Clarice just stood staring at the ground, TV still blaring on in the background. A blonde reporter was introducing the next interviewee at St. Charles hospital, who had also experienced seeing her clinically dead child wake in up a panic, describing a place that was `` empty and quiet.'' 
 
 Clarice looked away, which caused Gerald to grunt loudly and exit the room, slamming the door behind him. Clarice sighed and went on fixing lunch for Mabel. She had school in an hour. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Gerald was sitting on the sofa with a copy of Richard Dawkin's *The God Delusion* when Mabel walked into the room. She sat on the couch next to Gerald and begin putting on her shoes. 
 
 `` Mabel?'' asked Gerald, looking up from his book. 
 
 `` Yes, Uncle Jerry?'' replied Mabel as she laced up her pink light-up shoes. 
 
 `` You do n't really think I'm going to the bad place, right?'' 
 
 `` No.'' said Mabel. 
 
 `` Then why would you say that?'' asked Gerald, closing his book and resting it on the table in front of him. 
 
 `` Because that's what mom says.'' 
 
 `` Mabel, someday, you'll have to decide for yourself if what your mom says is true or not. And even though she might be right about some things, it is n't necessarily the best or nicest thing to say to people. You have to always say and do nice things, alright?'' 
 
 `` Yes, Uncle Jerry.'' 
 
 `` Good, now go and get your lunch so that we can go to school.'' 
 
 Mabel jumped up and ran to the kitchen, where her mother was still watching the news. Gerald could hear the story continuing in the background. 
 
 -- - 
 
 On the sidewalk, Gerald and Mabel were nearing the school when a boy on the other side ran outside of his house, playing with a basketball. Mabel wove hi to the boy, recognizing him from her class. 
 
 The street was pretty busy that morning, and since Gerald and Mabel were relatively late, disgruntled parents were yelling profanities and making irrational driving decisions in an effort to get their kid to school on time. 
 
 When Gerald and Mabel finally reached the school, Gerald got down on a knee and gave her a big hug. `` Remember, always do and say nice things, okay? ``, Gerald reminded her. 
 
 As he said that, the boy in Mabel's class on the other side of the street had just lost control of his ball, and off it went bouncing off into the street. 
 
 `` I got it! ``, yelled Mabel, as she ran into the street after the ball before Gerald could grab her. 
 
 `` Mabel, stop!'' screamed Gerald, running out into the street after her. Gerald then heard a loud BEEP sound, then a thump just as he had finally caught up to Mabel and grabbed her wrist. 
 
 -- - 
 
 Gerald awoke in a breezy field of flowers in every color. The sky was a blazing blue, and the flowers stretched on for miles. 
 
 `` Is this... am *I*?'' he tried to speak, but for some reason, he choked on his words. It was almost like a dream. Gerald looked around for a few seconds until he caught sight of a white-clothed figure nearby. Gerald walked towards him, and as he walked, the flowers around him danced and giggled with a pleasant cadence. 
 
 `` Hey there, Uncle Jerry,'' said the figure. 
 
 `` Are you God?'' asked Gerald. 
 
 `` I guess you could say that.'' 
 
 `` So if you're God, then this must be... so the stories were true?'' 
 
 `` What stories?'' 
 
 `` Well, you're God, are n't you supposed to know?'' 
 
 God laughed. `` Gerald, Gerald, Gerald. Always skeptical. Just the way I wanted.'' 
 
 `` Why would you want me that way?'' 
 
 `` Alright, look. I'll level with you. Just you can stop giving me shit, I'll tell you what happened. So a few centuries ago, I kind of... lost heaven.'' 
 
 `` What the fuck does that even mean?!'' 
 
 `` Lost heaven... you know, like losing a house? I could n't keep up with the payments yadda yadda yadda, so I had to move.'' 
 
 `` You... moved heaven?'' 
 
 `` Basically. Which really kind of sucks, you know? I mean, last heaven was pretty fucking far out, Gerald, let me tell you...'' 
 
 `` What? Tell me what?'' Gerald grew restless as he became more aware of the flowers constantly smacking his legs. It was becoming painful. `` And why are all these fucking flowers here?'' Gerald yelled as he tried to kick them away from him. When the blow landed, one of them shouted `` Uncle Jerry!'' 
 
 Mabel. 
 
 `` Mabel! Mabel, where are you?!'' cried Gerald, falling to the ground on his knees and examining all the flowers. 
 
 `` That's the bad thing about universe real estate, Gerald. Prices are just really jacked up now. It has n't been the same since,'' mused God, staring at Gerald, Gerald relentlessly scanning the flowers around him. He finally heard the voice again. It was coming from a flower to the right of his face, a bright pink rose. Gerald opened the petals up and found a small, glass ball housed inside the petals. In it was a tiny humanoid figure, walking in no particular direction. 
 
 It was Mabel. 
 
 `` What the fuck did you do with her?'' yelled Gerald, watching Mabel as she yelled out the names of her family members, one by one. He opened another flower, and there sat another small humanoid figure, sitting on their bum, and giggling eerily to themselves. 
 
 `` Ever heard of purgatory? That's kind of what it is. After a while, though, you humans are all the same, and you just sort of mentally check out.'' 
 
 Gerald's face went white as every flower around him revealed a small human being, trapped in an abyss of nothingness, slowly going mad as time progressed. 
 
 `` Anyways, like I said, you can only get so much real estate nowadays. Luckily, flowers are pretty and do n't take up so much space. It was part of a deal with Lucifer, and we had to compromise, since I had no one else to cosign with me. I was pretty much at the end of my rope.'' 
 
 It all became clear to Gerald. The news stories that he had heard, the children waking up screaming. The emptiness of heaven. Gerald got up and tried to attack God, but with a wave of the hand, Gerald froze in place. 
 
 `` I think I made you guys a bit too entitled. I mean, I gave you guys everything, and still you demand more. Which is why I'm going to give it to you, Gerald. I'm gon na give you what you know you deserve. Lucky for you, Satan's still pretty well off right now.'' 
 
 Gerald felt his body slowly sink into the ground, and as it happened, he stared at Mabel's rose. Curiously, he had stopped hearing Mabel's shouting. 
 
 `` Guess Clarice was right all along, Uncle Jerry.''
