[ OT ] I 'm working on a short story right now for a contest of sorts , and I need some tips . Specific obstacles are in the description .

B -- the important thing to remember about dialogue is that good dialogue *does not sound* like real life talking. 
 
 A lot of new writers fall into the trap of thinking good dialogue is spoken, day-to-day, natural dialogue, but it's absolutely not. They make their characters say things like'Hey''Dude''Look''Man''Huh''Oh', and think *that's* natural dialogue, because that's how people talk. But characters should not talk like people. 
 
 People ramble. People talk about the weather. People do n't get to the point. 
 
 Yes, dialogue should read natural and should flow. But, ironically, you do n't achieve that by copying real life dialogue. 
 
 This is the reason a lot of people think they're good with dialogue, when in reality they're not. Real people say things like'Hi Mark, how are you?''Good, how about you, John?''Good too.' before they get to a point. But your characters should n't. Making them say that does n't make your dialogue ring natural, it just makes your story boring. Writing natural dialogue is not just riddling your character's words with day-to-day expressions. Anyone can do that. 
 
 The trick is to keep your character's dialogue effective, moving the plot forward, and at the same time flowing, not feeling forced ( like clunky'Oh my God, Sarah, you're my wife, you should know that!' exposition ). 
 
 Here's an example: 
 
 John and Jane are a couple. John wants to tell Jane he cheated on her. Jane ( and the reader ) has no idea. 
 
 This is'natural' dialogue that tries to copy real life: 
 
 John -- Hey, Jane. 
 
 Jane -- Oh, hi John. 
 
 John -- So, what's up? 
 
 Jane -- Not much. What's going on? 
 
 John -- Yeah, not much too. Huh, listen. So, I wanted to talk to you about something. 
 
 Jane -- What's going on? 
 
 John -- I... huh... well, I kind of... God, how do I put this? 
 
 You see? We're like ten seconds in and that piece of writing gave us nothing. No interesting characterization, no advance to the plot, no jokes, no rise in tension. 
 
 Now look at this: 
 
 John -- Hey, honey. 
 
 Jane -- John! The Levenstens called, they wanted to know if we're still going to dinner there tonight. 
 
 John -- I have to tell you something, Jane. 
 
 Jane -- They're cooking roast beef. Or turkey. I do n't know. I honestly stopped listening halfway through the call. The way Sylvia goes on and on, I do n't know how -- 
 
 John -- It's about us. 
 
 Jane -- Is everything all right? 
 
 John -- No. It is n't. 
 
 Now, this is not excellent, by any means, because I'm no dialogue master. But notice how both of the examples feature 7 lines of dialogue, but while the first one is pointless until the very last line, the second example keeps your attention from the beginning. Apart from the obligatory'Hey, honey' at the start, so people know John just arrived on the scene ( and I would even avoid that if I had given an example with descriptions. All you need is'John walked in the room' and then skip to Jane's rambling ), John does n't dance around the point. He starts out by saying'I have to tell you something, Jane.' 
 
 The fact that Jane ignores this and rambles about her friend serves as characterization for Jane and John. While the first example gave us nothing to differentiate Jane and John from any two people in the world, the second one tells us a load of information. It makes the characters feel real. John and Jane suddenly have a couple who they're friends with. Jane does n't really like girl. She thinks she talks too much. Presumably they talk a lot on the phone. Suddenly these characters feel real. They have people in their lives. A backstory. And all the while we're trying to get through all that fast, because we're still interested in the hook -- what does John want to say to Jane? 
 
 That's how dialogue's supposed to work -- it should flow naturally, but it should n't copy real life. Real life is boring. Your story ca n't be. 

