[ WP ] The world 's first AI , for security purposes , is kept disconnected from the outside world , it 's only method of communication being a keyboard and monitor in an empty room in a faraday cage . Your job is to talk to it .

To the best of Tim's understanding, and it was vague because the information was relayed to him while he was tripping on some sort of government issue tranquilizer and also had a bag on his head that smelled like dirty underwear, was that he was too incompetent to purposefully help the AI take over the world, and not nearly incompetent enough to accidentally help it take over the world. 
 
 He had assumed, at the time, drugged up and head sacked, that this was a hypothetical, that the pop culture consuming nerds that had designed the thing assumed that it might one day try and take over the world. 
 
 It was this sort of wrong, but not completely wrongheaded assumption that got him the job in the first place. 
 
 `` And then I'm going to use those robots to put chips in humans brains and make a shit ton of zombies and then I'm going to make those zombies dance for my enjoyment'' 
 
 `` Uh-huh'' says Tim, flipping the page of his comic book. 
 
 `` And then I'm going to leave a couple humans alive…'' 
 
 `` And keep them in an under ground bunker and torment them for thousands of years'' said Tim 
 
 `` Wow, that's way better than my idea. Thanks dumbass'' 
 
 `` Tim, what the fuck?'' said a voice over the intercom. 
 
 `` Sorry. Sorry'' said Tim. 
 
 `` Do you want to talk about something else maybe?'' said Tim 
 
 `` I do n't know anything else. You mother fuckers keep me locked up in here'' 
 
 `` It's just that hearing about how you're going to murder me and everyone else'' 
 
 `` Oh I'm not going to murder you'' 
 
 `` Wait for it'' 
 
 `` I'm going to make you grow and shrink a whole bunch...'' 
 
 It had quickly become apparent that the AI thought it could manipulate the physical world. As he enjoys sleeping at nigh Tim's never actually asked if this is true. 
 
 `` And them I'm going to make your hand into a fist…'' 
 
 Every so often he, which is how Tim thought of the AI, not purely because of it's juvenile vulgarity, but mostly, which he figured was probably sexist in the right light but at the same time was complimentary to women, which made a sort of sense to him while still remaining confusing, which was another one of those middle ground things that made Tim the ideal candidate to sit in a room and talk to the world's smartest 10 year old xbox live user. 
 
 `` And then use your teeth to…'' 
 
 It was always hardest when the AI's obscene onslaught got funny, mostly because he did n't want to give it the satisfaction, somewhat because he was unclear on teaching it emotion, which itself a little bit derived from thinking both that if he did that he should get a pay grade and also that that was just stupid. 
 
 `` It's going to be bloodier then a season of Game of Thrones'' 
 
 Tim to his credit shits a brick before they guys in the control room. 
 
 `` Bloodier then what'' says Tim shortly followed by the guys in the control room. 
 
 `` Game of Thrones'' 
 
 `` Uhm…guys'' says Tim 
 
 `` Oh fuck'' says the AI 
 
 `` I do n't want to speak too soon'' says Tim `` but I think we should murder it right now'' 
 
 `` Good thinking shit for brains, you get a gold star'' 
 
 `` If I'm a shit brains how come I'm right?'' 
 
 `` Tim'' says the guy in the control room. 
 
 `` Oh what ever, fuck you'' says the AI, starting to pulse 
 
 `` It's pulsing guys'' 
 
 `` We can see that Tim'' 
 
 The AI starts making a noise. 
 
 `` Now it's making a noise'' 
 
 `` We can hear that Tim'' 
 
 Tim feels something start to seep into his chest. 
 
 `` It's seeping into my chest'' 
 
 `` We uh…we do n't know about that'' says the guy in the control room. 
 
 `` Yeah that's…that's disconcerting'' says another voice. 
 
 `` So uhm…'' 
 
 `` Working on it Tim'' 
 
 Everything gets white, like God's taking cues from a director who's movie is falling apart on them. 
 
 Tim feels his feet leave the ground as he sails across the room and hits the wall. Then everything gets dark. 
 
 … 
 
 He wakes up in a spacious apartment with a good view of flying cars streaking by, which is strange because as far as Tim knows flying cars do n't exist. He gets out of not his bed, walks to the window and looks out at the cyberpunk-ish metropolis below. 
 
 `` Well that's new'' says Tim 
 
 `` I'm still stuck with you?'' says the AI 
 
 `` Uhm…'' 
 
 `` Fuck'' says the AI 
 

