[ WP ] Hell is undergoing a recession . Desperate for work , a formerly powerful demon applies to the only work available : answering Ouija boards and Magic 8 Ball questions .

Ma'Halik's office, stuff and on fire, was abuzz with satanic summons. 
 
 `` Will I kiss Jacob? Oooh....'' a preteen cooed. 
 
 `` Ask again later.'' 
 
 `` Ouija, what does the fox say?'' Asked a particularly rambunctious set of fresh morons. 
 
 `` Fuck you.'' 
 
 `` Can I have a promotion?'' 
 
 `` Ask again later.'' 
 
 `` Ouija, am I going to hell?'' 
 
 `` Yes, enjoy your miserable life.'' 
 
 `` Do unicorns exist?'' 
 
 `` Ask again later.'' 
 
 `` Ouija, do kittens make good snacks?'' 
 
 `` Kids these days. Eat a fuckin' hamburger, moron.'' 
 
 `` What is the meaning of life?'' 
 
 `` Ask again later.'' 
 
 `` Ouija, does Satan like BDSM?'' 
 
 `` HOW DOES THAT EVEN- Look, kids, go outside and sell drugs or something. There's better ways to get into hell than wasting my valuable time with this nonsense.'' 
 
 `` Will I win the lottery?'' 
 
 `` There's a better question. ASK AGAIN LATER.'' 
 
 This was going to be a *looooooong* eternity.
