[ WP ] Death and Santa Claus are out drinking and Death finds out people do n't think he 's a nice guy . He bets Santa that he can turn his reputation around in one week . Meanwhile Santa bribes the Easter bunny to sabotage Death 's efforts . Write Death 's story .

`` So you see, I know you loved your father very much, but his body could no longer bear the burden of his illness. His physical form was in agony, that is why I exist, to guide his soul onto the next path.'' Death explained calmly to the two watery eyed little boys, and their mother who sat bravely behind them holding back her own tears. *That dick-hole Santa has it so easy. His gift to the world is cheap and easy, like a gift wrapped whore. Surely the world will understand that my gift to humanity is much more important*. 
 
 `` B-B-But why could n't he get better. Will I ever see him again?'' One of the little boys sputtered between blubbering tears. 
 
 Death's gaze softened, billions of souls he had gripped from bodies and guided them into the after-life, and never before had he confronted the mourning families. `` You will see him again one day, in a very, very long time. But he will always be here-'' He placed a hand on his heart, `` Nothing can take his memory away. That, I assure you, lasts forever.'' 
 
 The woman nodded, her lips tightening as she fought back a sob. 
 
 `` He was a good soul, and I should know-'' Death dared a smile, `` He would hardly talk about anything else but his family.'' 
 
 `` He's in heaven now?'' One of the other boys asked. 
 
 `` Some call it heaven. Some call it Nirvana. But yes, he is in a peaceful place, a happy place, and he will watch you two grow old and strong.'' It seemed to be working. The family's grief seemed to be eased. `` Can I get you a coffee?'' He asked the woman, as he rose to his feet and straightened his black suit. The woman nodded wordlessly, but with a smile. Death stood and entered the kitchen, pouring a cup of fresh coffee before returning and handing the woman the cup. `` So, is there anything else you might ask?'' 
 
 The woman took a sip, then recoiled with a sharp frown, `` Oh-'' She said, shaking her head. Her eyes lowered into the cup and widened, `` What is-is that-Is that rabbit shit?'' She exclaimed rising to her feet in shock. `` Did you put shit in my coffee?!'' 
 
 `` What-I-'' Death sputtered, he took the mug from her, sure enough a handful of little brown pellets bobbed atop the coffee. 
 
 `` Is that your joke? You ca n't just take away my husband?! You have to feed us figurative and literal shit first?! Is our struggle a game to you?!'' 
 
 `` No! No I was trying to-'' Death's hands clenched as he glanced out the window. A small little, white rabbit watched from the yard. `` You!'' He growled. He stormed out the front door and approached the rabbit, `` That was n't funny you little prick! I WILL TEAR YOUR SOUL FROM YOUR SPINE AND WALK YOU ON SHATTERED GLASS FOR ALL ETERNITY! I THE ONE WHO COMES TO REAP THE SOULS OF THE-'' 
 
 `` And now you're scaring the children, hollering like that! Get out of here you asshole!'' The woman shouted out the partially opened door before slamming it shut. 
 
 Death kicked a small patch of grass, which instantly turned brown and wilted, `` You *Jesus* fanboy's need to learn to play fair. Pull a trick like that again and I'll leak the real truth about your stupid bearded-'' He growled and stormed off towards his Motorcycle.
