[ WP ] `` By the way , I 'm a dragon . ''

“ Well, I can ’ t say I ’ m not surprised, but it does explain quite a few things. ” 
 
 Not exactly the reaction I ’ d expected. I ’ d spent days preparing myself for this conversation, running through all sorts of possible scenarios ranging from acute heart failure to attempted murder, but I was not prepared for this cold reception. Seriously, if your wife of 3 years explains that she is, in reality, a mythological creature straight from Arthurian legend, “ can ’ t say I ’ m not surprised ” would not be anybody ’ s first guess at a response. Perhaps there was never a need to wait until I could not possibly hide my secret any longer. Strange creatures, humans…in particular this one. 
 
 “ To begin with, your breath is absolutely poisonous, although admittedly only in the morning, and… ” 
 
 “ Don ’ t make light of this, you jerk! Have you any idea how long I ’ ve been preparing myself for this conversation? I seriously wanted to tell you before we got married, but then your parent ’ s house burnt down, and you know how we ’ ve never gotten along that well, and I was afraid you ’ d suspect me and… ” 
 
 “ Did y—? ” 
 
 “ Gods no! How could you even think that? Think of all the jewelry I ’ d be burning! And then there ’ s the risk that they ’ d actually take the opportunity to buy a house in our neighborhood and you know how aggressive I get when people intrude in my territory. I was happy they took the opportunity to take that senior ’ s cruise across the pacific until the insurance money came in and they could rebuild. No, believe me, I had nothing to do with this. Anyway, after we got married there just never seemed to be a right moment, until now. Well, it ’ s not exactly right, but I guess it ’ s hard to hide the fact when the evidence is right in front of your eyes. ” 
 
 Silence. I can see him considering. What does one do in a situation like this? I can ’ t leave. I love him, have loved him almost from the moment I first saw him. Has it really been 7 years already? Come on, please don ’ t stay this quiet! I can tell you ’ re hurt, but talk to me. We ’ ve always talked, about everything. Well, almost everything I guess. 
 
 I can ’ t take the silence anymore: “ What did you mean when you said it does explain a few things? ” 
 
 “ Well, most obviously, you ’ re the only person who cried when Smaug died in the Hobbit. I always saw that as one of the quirks that I love about you, but I guess you were honestly rooting for team dragon there. Then there ’ s your unnatural need to herd coins. Every single time you go out for coffee, which incidentally you are able to drink at freakishly hot temperatures, you pay with a 20-Euro bill and then you hoard the coins in this chest you hide in the attic. And then there ’ s your fanatical attachment to our wedding r—. ” 
 
 “ That isn ’ t me being a dragon! Trust me, a wedding ring is special for any wife, it ’ s more than a piece of jewelry to me. I actually find it hard to accept how careless you are with yours. The number of times I found the damn thing lying next to the kitchen sink, or in the bathroom, or in the garage…It makes me wonder how much you actually care about this marriage, about me. ” 
 
 “ Hey, don ’ t go turning this around on me! We ’ re now discussing your shortcomings, and it happens little enough for me to savor the moment. ” 
 
 He smiles. My heart jumps. We ’ ll be okay… 
 
 “ I find it hard to believe you doubted me on this. You know I fucking love dragons! I have that poster in my office. ” 
 
 “ That ’ s for the scantily clad barbarian warrior princess I think ” 
 
 “ No it is not, really…Honey, I even pre-ordered Skyrim! For weeks I called you my dovah! ” 
 
 “ Yes, and thank god that didn ’ t last any longer or I would ’ ve Fus-Roh-Dah ’ d you into a wall. You love the idea of dragons, but we ’ re not exactly like that, you know. As a species, we ’ re ancient. You live that long, you learn not to be th— ” 
 
 “ The sheep! ” 
 
 “ The what?!? ” 
 
 “ The sheep! They ’ re always terrified of you. Now it makes sense. Animals sense imminent danger on a very basic level. You know how before that Tsunami in the pacif— ” 
 
 “ Oh, shut up! Now you ’ re just playing with me. ” 
 
 I smile anyway. We ’ re good. He ’ ll stick around and we ’ ll somehow manage. I stretch out my hands, inviting an embrace. He bursts out laughing. 
 
 “ What is it now, you idiot? ” 
 
 No reply. Giggly laughter continues, tears streaming down his cheeks. 
 
 “ I just remember Peter Dinklage! Every human being loves Peter Dinklage, but not you. I ’ m beginning to understand why. ” 
 
 “ His family killed my parents! ” 
 
 “ Are you kidding me? Peter Dinklage ’ s granny killed your parents? ” 
 
 “ Dwarves did! ” 
 
 “ He ’ s not a dwarf, he ’ s a midget, or whatever the correct term is. Dwarves have beards, they live under mountains drinking ale and bad-mouthing elves. Peter Dinklage would n't hurt a fly. ” 
 
 “ Well, he ’ s a bit too comfortable using that axe in Game of Thrones, so I think we ’ ll have to agree to disagree on that one. ” 
 
 He looks at me with that goofy smile I ’ ve come to adore, those droopy eyes that look at me as if I ’ m his princess. With that stupid grin, he ’ s definitely not a knight in shining armor. Thank god for that. 
 
 “ So, what now? What do we tell my parents? ” 
 
 “ Do we need to tell them? ” 
 
 “ Well, I ’ m fairly sure we can ’ t just pretend nothing ’ s going on, I mean I ’ m sure they wouldn ’ t necessarily expect their first grandchild to have my hair or skin tone, but I ’ m sure even they will notice our little wonder here doesn ’ t resemble his father much at all! ” 
 
 I lovingly look at the egg I just laid. He is probably right... 

