[ WP ] Scientists have made a pill that stops the aging process completely , allowing humans to live forever . However , before anyone can take it God comes down to Earth and proclaims that anyone who has taken this pill to later commit suicide will be barred from Heaven .

`` And we're just supposed to believe that you're God?'' 
 
 The figure froze. `` WHA-'' 
 
 `` Well, I mean, we need evidence, right?'' 
 
 God glanced downwards, then furrowed his brows. `` WELL, I'M HOVERIN-'' 
 
 `` And that could be some new technology, or an optical illusion, right? We ca n't just abandon the scientific method, after all.'' 
 
 Lightning flashed, and thunder rumbled ominously in the distance. `` STOP INTERRUPTING ME!'' He boomed. `` ANYONE WHO TAKES THIS...'PILL' WILL BE BARRED FROM HEAVEN, SHOULD THEY EVER COMMIT SUICIDE!'' 
 
 The researcher adjusted his glasses, and brushed off his coat. `` Well, assuming you actually *are* God - the pill only stops aging. It's still possible to die from other causes, right? So-'' 
 
 God gritted his teeth. `` VERY WELL. NO HUMAN SHALL *EVER* BE ADMITTED INTO HEAVEN AGAIN.'' 
 
 `` Then there's really no reason for anyone *not* to take the pill, is there?'' 
 
 `` SILENCE, BEFORE I MAKE MY DECISION FINAL. YOUR KIND MIGHT NEVER WALK THE HALLS OF HEAVEN AGAIN, OR HEAR THE BLESSED HARP-'' 
 
 `` We've got plenty of things to do on Earth, you know. We've actually invented some pretty cool stuff since the last time you visited. The internet, television, improved standards of living and medical care - I mean, life on Earth isn't-'' 
 
 `` AS IF YOUR LARGE NETS COULD COMPARE TO THE GLORY OF HEAVEN. THERE IS NO NEED FOR FISH WHEN ONE CAN FEAST UPON MANNA FOR-'' 
 
 `` No, not a *net*. The *Internet*. A network that spans the world and allows near instantaneous communication, collaboration, or information retrieval. People have almost the sum of human knowledge available at any given time''. He took a sip from his coffee mug, and cleared his throat. `` Although, I'll admit a lot of people just use it to browse reddit and look at cat pictures.'' 
 
 ``... WHY WOULD ONE NEED PORTRAITS OF FELINES?'' 
 
 `` They're... Uh, well, it's easier to show you.'' 
 
 -- - 
 
 `` AHAHAH. THE FELINE REQUIRES A DAIRY, BEEF, AND BREAD FOOD PRODUCT.'' 
 
 `` Yeah, and check this out.'' 
 
 `` YOUR INTERNET IS QUITE AMUSING. WHAT ELSE DOES EARTH NOW HAVE TO OFFER?'' 
 
 `` Well, there are a bunch of movies you might like?'' 
 
 `` I MAY NEED TO EXTEND MY STAY HERE.'' 
 
 `` Not going back to Heaven?'' 
 
 `` WE CAN MAKE A NEW ONE. WITH BLACKJACK AND HOOKERS.'' 
 
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 Questions? Criticisms? Want to see more? Check out more of my stuff at /r/Draxagon 

