[ WP ] Your Grandmother is an evil mastermind bent on the death of everyone in your family . You 're the only one who knows .

I stood, washing the dishes, staring out into the backyard. The whole family were out there, milling around, laughing and chatting, unaware of the monster that walked amongst them. I tried to focus on my hands, to take my mind off the situation, but it was hard. My fingers slipped across the soapy porcelain, circling below the bubbles, but my mind still wandered and my eyes soon followed. I was staring at her again. 
 In the middle of the yard sat my Grandmother, the matriarch. She laughed and joked with my nephews and patted my mother on the arm, but I knew. I knew what she had planned. 
 It had all began this morning when I came home from work. I'd opted for a night shift, partly for an excuse to leave my mom's party early, and partly because I was desperate for the money. I mean, here I am, a 34 year old guy, still living with his parents. Anyway, I'd come home to find my Grandmother asleep in her chair. I thought her peaceful, beautiful even, in that morning light but after seeing what she had scribbled on her crossword puzzle, I was unsure how to feel. 
 I finished up the dishes and made my way outside. I, of course, had to stop the carnage that was about to unfold. What I had n't counted on was what she was going to use as a weapon. I was too late. 
 As soon as I stepped outside, my Grandmother stood up from her wheelchair and drew my father's pistol from her purse. She swung the gun around the garden, seeming to decide who to murder first. Everyone had stopped dead; they knew this was n't a joke any more. 
 She moved the gun towards my mother, then towards my aunt and then upwards towards my father. And then she did something that made my whole body run cold - she smiled. No. Smiled is n't the right word, she grinned. A most evil grin. 
 As she turned to choose her victim, I made my way ever so slowly towards her. Suddenly, the gun snapped towards me. She fired. I went down. 
 
 When I opened my eyes again I realised that she had missed. Her older eyes, hidden by milk-bottle-thick glasses, must be failing her. I was sweating as I watched her attempt to reload. Her long, bony fingers shook as she slid the second bullet home. 
 Before she could draw the gun up to height I lunged forwards and snatched it from her frail grasp, and threw it towards my brother. He stowed it in his jeans, staring incredulously, unsure what to make of the situation. 
 I knelt down beside my Grandmother and took hold of her hand as she burst into angry tears - now she was shaking with rage, not age. 
 `` You have to listen to me Grandma,'' I said. `` You ca n't kill people.'' She looked directly into my eyes, her gaze piercing mine with daggers of hate. She opened her mouth to speak but I held up my hand. `` No Grandma, you ca n't. And certainly not because of the insurance.'' 
 Her face dropped and for a moment she took on a stillness that frightened me. And then her brows drew together and she was angry again. `` I knew what you were planning, you were silly enough to write it down last night. But Grandma, you have to understand, life insurance means that we, the family, get money on your death, not the other way around. You were expecting a big payout if you killed us, yes?'' She allowed her features to soften and realisation swept over her. A single tear fell from her glassy eyes. `` But it's okay Grandma, we forgive you,'' I said, rising to my feet. And then my father took over, trying to console her and explaining further what the terms of her insurance were. But it was alright, I knew it was going to be alright - this same thing happens every year. And as crazy as it sounds, I hope the same thing happens next year too. At least she'd still be with us.
