[ WP ] You go outside to your garden to again find that your tulips have been trampled . This can not go unpunished .

`` How does this keep happening?'' he asked himself as he stared down at his trampled but still oddly beautiful tulips. 
 
 It seemed like just about every morning Obi went out to check on his garden his tulips had been trampled. The rest of his garden was basically untouched. He had several tomato plants, a few cucumber plants, and he was even trying to grow a pumpkin, though unsuccessfully. Along with the vegetables, he was growing several different kinds of flowers but only the tulips had been tampered with. 
 
 Suddenly, a fit of rage took over Obi. It was n't like him to get so mad over something like this but tulips were more than just a flower to him. Tulip was the name of his cat who had gone missing a while back now. Obi could remember the last day he saw her. She was purring as she sat at the back door ready to go on another one of her cat quests. She would wander off for a couple hours and come back looking like she had just run a marathon. But one day she never did come back. She was all the family he had so it hurt to think what may have happened to her or where she could have gone. 
 
 `` That is it,'' declared Obi `` I am going to hide out and find out what or who is doing this and they will pay...'' 
 
 That night Obi watched Rambo: First Blood Part II on blue ray and did as many pushups as his small, but vascular, arms could do. He tore the sleeves off of his tuxedo t-shirt and cut his jeans into jorts that his idol John Cena would be proud of. He threw on some eye black and wrapped an American flag bandana around his head. One last thing need to be sorted out. What was going to be his weapon of choose. Obi was not the kind of guy who had an artillery of hunting rifles and shotguns but what he did have was a Nerf Doomlands 2169 Lawbringer Blaster. Although it would n't kill his enemy, it might scare them off for good. On his way out, Obi grabbed his pair of night vision goggles and a samurai sword. 
 
 `` And people said I would never need night vision goggles,'' laughed Obi as he opened the door. 
 
 Obi found a good vantage point where the intruder would never see him but he would have perfect aim to `` Bring the Law''. It was now a waiting game. Obi sat there for what seemed like hours. 
 
 `` Maybe I should just go to bed,'' Obi thought to himself `` I mean I do have work tomorrow.'' 
 
 No! There was no going back now. He had to avenge his fallen tulips who had take a beating one too many times for his liking. Then Obi saw his tomato plants rustling. There was something behind it but he could not tell what it was. He looked harder and then he saw it. It was n't one thing doing this, but multiple. They were small and bearded. They all had pointy hats in various different colors. Some were holding lanterns others were holding picks and shovels. They were gnomes and they were heading towards the Tulips 
 
 `` This ca n't be,'' Obi said to himself `` No this has to be. You just saw it with your own two eyes. You must end this madness and stop those no good bearded, ceramic criminals from touching your tulips!'' 
 
 Obi popped his head out from behind the bush he was hiding behind and yelled `` Stop! I order you to stop and back away from the Tulips!'' 
 
 `` Oh you must be the human who owns that furry monstrosity that we took captive a while ago,'' said the gnome as he dropped a blue collar with Tulips mouse shaped name tag on the ground. `` We've been watching you and we noticed you planted such beautiful little tulips. Are they to remind you of your feline companion? Hmm? Well anyone that associates with such a beast will feel pain.'' 
 
 Obi was speechless. He was in such shock that gnomes had taken his precious Tulip hostage. So many questions. So much confusion. But all of a sudden he remembered what Rambo would do in this situation. It was time to FUCK. SHIT. UP. 
 
 `` You are going to give me back my cat and you are going to pay,'' said Obi as his eyes lit with flames. 
 
 `` Make us,'' said the gnome with a devilish little smile. 
 
 Obi sprinted at the gnomes firing his Lawbringer as fast as he could. To his surprise the Nerf bullets did some considerable damage taking the heads off a few of the more already broken gnomes. The gnomes were coming from all angles. They were jumping and attaching themselves to his leg biting and jabbing him with their small weapons. Obi pulled out his samurai sword and dropped the Lawbringer to the ground. 
 
 `` EYE OF THE TIGER MOTHERFUCKERS!'' yelled Obi. It was the wrong Stallone movie but that did n't matter right now. 
 
 Obi sliced away at the gnome knocking them apart one by one until there was only one left. 
 
 `` Take me to Tulip now you wannabe dwarf.'' 
 
 `` Do you know what that beast did? Are you even concerned at all with why we were doing this?'' 
 
 Obi was silent but he still had the fire in his eyes. 
 
 `` Your cat would walk around and urinate on us as if we were fire hydrants and she was a dog. Because it was day time we could n't move but once we got the chance we captured that beast. She's in the forest. If you promise to let me and the rest of my family live I will take you there.'' 
 
 Obi and the gnome walked out deep in the woods where all of a sudden he saw Tulip tied up to two trees. He ran to her an cut her loose. She purred with excitement until she saw the gnome and hissed viciously. 
 
 `` Let me gather the rest of my family of gnomes and we will leave like you promised.'' 
 
 `` You fool,'' laughed Obi as he sliced through the rest of the gnomes. 
 
 That night Obi gathered all the pieces of the gnomes into one giant pile. He cracked a beer for himself and cracked a can of wet food for Tulip. Obi pulled down his pants all the way to his ankles and pissed with one hand in the air and the other throwing back his beer. Tulip joined pissing on the shattered remains of the gnomes. Suddenly there was a shout from the neighbors. 
 
 `` Hey what the hell is going on over there? Why are all those gnomes broken and why are you doing a number one on them?'' 
 
 `` Shut the fuck Gary. Let a man and his cat soak in the sweet feeling of victory''
