[ WP ] You 're Punching the air in your bathroom . But , when you punch your shower curtain . Your fist connects with someone !

I am drunk, and beyond tired. Or I was drunk. Sobering up now. Not in a good way. Not in a feeling like I was before I got drunk way, but in a feeling considerably worse than when I started kind of way. I have to be at work in an hour. If I shut my eyes now, I do n't know when they'd open. I look into my bathroom mirror. 
 
 Jesus Christ. I must have thrown up so hard I broke blood vessels in one of my eyes. The left one. No, the right. A mirror image is reversed, right? Or is that a camera thingie? Maybe I am still a little bit drunk. And my left or right eye looks like someone painted the white part over with red. 
 
 I can do this. Need to energize. I run cold water and start splashing it on my face. Good. I can feel a tiny jolt of life returning. Music! I fumble with my phone, and start playing something from a playlist. Shit. It's some sappy love song I downloaded back when I broke up with what's her name. The one with the lip tattoo. Oh well, I'll just play it really loud. 
 
 Cold water on the face. Check. Music blasting. Check. I know. Action movie kung fu Matrix sound effect punches. I pick up my jacket from the floor. I put it on. The sleeves are what make this possible. The sound effects. Remember that scene from the Matrix where Neo's blocking all those punches, and dude is punching super fast? I start doing that, the super fast punches, getting the adrenaline flowing. Punching fast in every direction. Making swoosh noises from my sleeves. 
 
 I punch my shower curtain. Somehow it's more solid than I realized. And it screams. 
 
 `` Fuck!'' 
 
 I pull back the curtain, and see a naked man huddled in the corner of my tub. He's holding his nose, and blood is streaming down. I'm way too tired to run. 
 
 `` Hey, why are you in my shower?'' 
 
 `` I lost my keys earlier'', he says, `` and I just opened the door to this apartment. To see if there was a phone. So I could call for a ride. My friend! So I could call my friend for a ride!'' 
 
 `` That does n't make sense. You're completely naked, and in my shower. What are you doing?'' 
 
 He moves his hand away from his nose, and that's when I realize it's me. It's me from ten years ago. What the fuck? 
 
 `` Hey, you're me. You're like 25 year old me. What the fuck are you? Ghost of Christmas Past or something?'' 
 
 He looks at me like I'm an idiot. `` Ghost of Christmas Past was n't actually Scrooge from the past. Dumb ass. And I'm 26 year old you. Me.'' 
 
 `` I do n't even have the energy, man. Just tell me, and then I'm off to work.'' 
 
 He sighs. `` Fetishes have become more and more advanced in the future. You think people know your shit now? In the future we are all so connected, everyone's sexual perversions and kinks are out in the open to everyone. What is pervert level creep today is vanilla in the future.'' 
 
 I interrupt him. `` Drunk. Tired. Work in one hour. Do n't care. Tell me faster, I'm going to work.'' 
 
 He looks at me like I'm pathetic. Look who's talking. Ha! Nice one. 
 
 `` I ca n't believe I was this dumb.'' he says. `` I'm physically the 26 year old version of you. Me. Us. That's a fetish in the future. There's a small group of enthusiasts who get surgeries to look like 26 year old versions of ourselves, and then go back in time to secretly masturbate to 37 year old versions of ourselves.'' 
 
 I just stare at him. 
 
 `` Do n't judge.'' 
 
 I hand him my apartment key. 
 
 `` Lock up after you leave. And fuck's sake, please clean up before you leave. Pervert.'' 
 
 `` Will do. Have fun at work.'' 
 
 I stumble out the front door. I should have kept drinking.
