[ WP ] Your guardian angel likes to freak out the other angels by cussing like a sailor .

`` Stupid fucking goddamn idiot LEARN TO DRIVE ASSHOLE'' she barked at a man in a red convertible, clearly going through a midlife crisis. 
 
 `` You know they can not hear you, Samantha.'' Gabriel chided, `` and watch your language, He is listening.'' 
 
 Sam rolled her eyes, her head, she'd roll down a hill if she was n't in a car, `` He's on vacation right now, he does n't give a damn.'' 
 
 `` Nevertheless, your behavior and performance has been unsatisfactory for a guardian angel. This one should be much easier for you watch over. He has had little to no incidents for the entirety of his life, so as long as you are vigilant, I'm sure you can keep him alive and well.'' 
 
 `` As long as he does n't try to pick up any kids and fuck'em in his van, I'm sure we'll be peachy keen.'' 
 
 `` Quite.'' At this point, Gabriel's patience was wearing thin, `` Just... do n't mess this one up, okay? I can not be a guardian angel for one of our _own_, mind you. Now, I must bid you farewell.'' he began to fade away, back to heaven. 
 
 `` Peace out girl scout.'' Sam flashed a peace sign, possibly a gang sign, and looked around the van. 
 
 There was a ladder on one end and several toolboxes scattered here and there. Plywood was stacked and tied down toward the front.'A carpenter,' Sam thought, She climbed over the wood into the front seat with a huff. After pushing her sleek, black hair from her eyes she took a look at her new assignment. He was certainly young. Early twenties at most. Well built figure, lean muscled. Short brown hair, clean shaven face. Strong jaw... 
 
 `` Shit he's kinda hot.'' Sam said to herself. `` I wonder...'' she summoned a manilla folder full of information about her assignment. `` Might as well study up, right?'' 
 
 Sam paged through the folder for an astounding total of 6.88 seconds before throwing it behind her and allowing herself to be seen in the mortal world. 
 
 `` Sup.'' she said, kicking up her feet to rest on the dashboard. 
 
 `` GAH'' Aidan jumped and slammed on his brakes, throwing Sam forward. Her forehead met the dashboard with a _thunk_ instead of a handshake. Several drivers swerved past, honking their horns much like a pissed off driver would. 
 
 `` Who the fuck are you? Where did you come from?'' is what Aiden tried to say. Instead he got mouthful of airbag and a resounding _smash_ as he was rear-ended for stopping in the middle of a highway. 
 
 `` Fucking goddammit to hell in a handbasket'' Sam muttered as she beat her own airbag into submission. The airbag did n't deserve it. Sam looked over at her assignment who seemed to have decided that he was too good to move or show any signs of life. She poked and prodded him several times before he jumped back, still freaking out as if it were going to do any good. 
 
 `` You got insurance information in here somewhere?'' Sam asked, rummaging through the glove box. Surprisingly, it actually contained a pair of gloves. Amazing. 
 
 `` Where the fuck did you come from? And who are you?'' Aiden struggled with his seatbelt. The button is right there, come on, press it already. 
 
 `` I'm Sam, I'm your guardian angel, and I just fucked up. Also, turn around Mr...'' she found the insurance paper, `` Aidan McAllistair?'' 
 
 `` Wh-what why? `` Aidan turn around to see an very unhappy middle-aged woman wearing enough makeup to make a clown jealous arguing with an incredibly short and balding fellow. `` Ah fuck. Gim me that.'' He snagged the insurance papers from Sam and opened his door. 
 
 `` Well maybe you should n't text and drive, Margaret!'' the man threw his arms up in the air. He was still shorter than Aidan. 
 
 `` You!'' Margaret said with a finger point and enough spite that Satan himself would take a step back with his hands up, `` Why the fuck would you stop in the middle of the goddamn highway!'' 
 
 `` Why the fuck would you text and drive yah ol' bitch? They make those dumbass commercials for a reason.'' Sam came around the front of Aidan's blue van, crossed her arms, and leaned up against the left headlight, like she was the coolest kid in school. Aidan gave her a look. You know the one. The'why the fuck did you just say that' look that someone would give when their friend said something they should not have said. Anyway. 
 
 `` Margaret!'' the short man called out again, grabbing her arm before she charged at Sam, `` Do n't do anything! I'm calling the insurance company!'' he pointed his finger up in the air, as high as he could make it, like it was a drill that would pierce the heavens. He did not know how to use his smartphone. 
 
 `` Look, I'm sorry. I have my insurance information, we can figure this out.'' Aidan was being reasonable, `` No one wants to have their premiums go up or anything.'' 
 
 Sam waltzed to the back of Aidan's van, literally, she did the dance all by herself. She peeked at the damage. The van was undrivable. But it was nothing she could n't fix with a little elbow grease. And a lot of Heaven magic. Once Aidan got home, she'll fix his Van right up, `` I'm calling an Uber, what's your address?'' she whispered to Aidan, `` We can ride together, NBD.'' Yes, she actually said the letters. 
 
 Margaret was busy arguing with the short man. He's her husband, by the way. His name is Walter. Good guy. Aidan lamented about his van, wondering how he's going to get to work with all of his tools and things. Sam told him that she can fix it, and it would have made Aidan feel a better if he did n't doubt Sam's angelic properties. She snapped her fingers and Margaret, Walter, and their punch-bug disappeared. 
 
 `` I sent them to a mechanic. There's one nearby at this address, right?'' she held up a phone, the screen on a Map, showing the details of a mechanic workshop, `` Four and a half stars, not a bad place.'' she patted the back of the van, and its bumper realigned and the damage was undone, `` Now let's get the fuck outta here, it's windy as the second level of hell and I do n't want my toga to lift, underwear is n't a commodity in heaven for some goddamn reason.'' 
 
 `` What the fuck...'' Aidan trudged to his van and climbed inside. He looked his guardian angel up and down, she was fixing her hair in the rear-view mirror. She had short black hair that looked smoother than silk, pale-blue eyes like a cloudy sky. A sleek, slender frame tightly hugged by her toga. 
 
'Shit, she's kinda hot.' Aidan thought to himself as he started his van back up.
