[ WP ] You and Kevin Bacon are enjoying a nice day on the beach ... but suddenly you both see something burrowing toward you under the sand . Keven yells `` Tremors '' and begins to run , but what pops up is not what either of you expected .

I've often found travelling to the beach a rather dull affair. What with all the sand, water and people, there is barely any room for adventure. No matter how many clueless teenagers in tight bikinis, or muscle clad surfers searching for that “ next big kahuna, dude! ”, there just does n't seem to be the adequate amount of giant sharks, angry sea monsters or rampaging radioactive bipedal lizards from the pacific to even the playing field. 
 
 “ Cheer up, Hammock. ” Kevin said. 
 
 He's really the only reason I do n't just walk off into the gentle waves and into the maws of the closest cephalopod. Without his roguish charm and plasticine-like face, resembling that of a man halfway through his Planet of the Apes make-up, today would have been quite droll. 
 
 “ I'd love to, Kevin dear. But did we really have to bring Keven along? ” I whined. 
 
 “ Now now, You know that I'm contract bound to bring him along. Otherwise there's no way they'd let me get away with the stuff I did in'Hollow Man'. ” 
 
 “ I have a natural swagger! ” yelled Keven. 
 
 I sighed defeatedly, I knew there was no point arguing this point again. Kevin did n't like Keven any more than I did. We both knew he did n't choose to be this way, but Keven was just an unbearable person to be around. His constant regurgitation of Kevin's work was as off putting as some of the leftover Bacon-Banana-Bonanza's I'd brought with me from last nights cooking class. I could n't decide whether to go sweet or savoury and ended up adding a whole bottle of vinegar trying to even it out. Either way, Keven was seriously impacting our relationship and now I was getting tired of it. 
 
 “ Come on, Ham. Let's go grab a spot by the waves. Now that the tides going out, maybe we can build a sand castle? ”. Kevin always had a way of brightening the mood. Even the constant barrage of Keven quoting Kevin could n't thwart this high. 
 
 Just as we sat by the sand, trowel in hand, the ground started to vibrate. The waves began to build and crash, spraying us with a mist of seawater that, I was n't sure, felt cooler than travelling down my legs at the moment. A huge **crack! ** Sounded, and the ground opened up a huge fissure in the earth, deeper and darker than I could ever imagine. 
 
 “ TREMORS! ” Screeched Keven, as he fled towards the ocean. 
 
 Kevin went to grab Keven, knowing he could n't mimic swimming as Kevin had never swam in a movie. But as soon as he reached out to grab him, a fierce created burrowed towards them and the ground collapsed under Keven. 
 
 The raging seas slowed and the earth slowed to a rumble. The only sound that could be heard was the crunching of bones and a high pitched Footloose quotes being exalted until an abrupt end. 
 
 I grabbed on to Kevin's speedo as we both gazed over this chasm to bear witness to the horror within. 
 
 Inside we saw the remains of our dearly despised caricature of Kevin and covered in gore, what looked to be a well fed and amused pig. 
 
 “... Francis? ” 
 
 “ Is that you Kevin? ” replied the slaughterhouse horror show. 
 
 “ What brings you here, son? ” Kevin asked in incredulity. 
 
 “ I just wanted to borrow some money is all, Father ” 
 
 “ How much? ” inquired Kevin, whose tone had shifted from disbelief to unamused. 
 
 “ About three fiddy. ”
