[ WP ] A demon is getting REALLY tired of teenage girls summoning him .

`` Ask it something, ask it something!'' Jess wailed at Tiffany in excitement. The smoke had barely stopped seeping out of the dark nether portal that had deposited Araxanor, Slayer of Minds, Prophesised Doom of the Final Utopia, on the plush shag carpeting in Mindy's living room. 
 
 `` What,'' Araxanor said, looking around with four of his eighteen eyes, keeping the other fourteen firmly locked on the three teenage girls in front of him. `` I was in the middle of something.'' 
 
 `` Oh man, this is like so fucking intense,'' Mindy squealed. `` Fucking Jackie is going to flip when she finds out what we did!!'' 
 
 `` She's going to be so jealous, with her fucking Hot Topic pants and spooky music,'' Tiffany agreed. 
 
 `` Ask it!'' Jess insisted. `` It's looking at us.'' 
 
 `` Why have you summoned me?'' Araxanor rumbled, deep in his bile sac. `` What horrors do you wish to befall- oh motherfuck you're all teen human girls are n't you?'' 
 
 The three girls looked at each other uncertainly. `` I mean, we're seniors, so barely,'' Mindy supplied. 
 Araxanor groaned loudly. 
 
 `` So, we were just wondering,'' Tiffany said slowly. `` Prom is coming up soon, and Jess still does n't have a date.'' 
 
 `` Hey, fuck you,'' Jess snapped. Do n't ask it that. 
 
 `` And she was just wondering,'' Tiffany said, ignoring her. `` If she should ask Josh.'' 
 
 Araxanor, Slayer of Minds, Prophesised Doom of the Final Utopia, stared at her. Something resembling bafflement crossed his features. 
 
 `` The eldrich runes you used to summon me are the only thing stopping me from ripping your face off,'' He told Tiffany somberly. 
 
 `` But should she ask Josh, though?'' 
 
 ``... I do n't know who that is.'' Araxanor told her. 
 
 `` Oh, he's so cute!'' Mindy supplied. `` He's in track, and he does really well in the high jump.'' 
 Araxanor glanced at the other two girls who were nodding as if this were all confidential information. 
 
 `` Why do you think I care?'' the demon asked. 
 
 Jess and Tiffany exchanged a look. `` Since you're omni-knowing or whatever we're seeking your wisdom, and stuff,'' Jess said in a formal tone. 
 
 `` That's not what the ritual says to say,'' Mindy whispered at her, holding up the Book of Wailing Skulls, which was lost in the Battle of Candrix seventeen thousand years ago. 
 
 `` How do you know, you slut,'' Jess retorted playfully. `` It's written in like Latin or something.'' 
 
 `` Look, if I answer the question can I go,'' Araxanor rumbled hopelessly. `` I've spent timeless aeons in hell, and yet this is torture.'' 
 
 `` Sure?'' Jess said, somewhat put off by the demon's lack of interest. 
 
 `` Alright, great,'' Araxanor said. `` Listen, I do n't really know what the deal is with you humans, and your weird need to rub your parts together, and that whole procreation thing? Eeeugh. And I literally attend a workshop on how to vomit more effectively every month. For possession cases, you understand. But you know what? Sure. Knock yourself out. Go with whatever the shit squishy mortal you want. It does n't really matter anyway, since in the end everything is doomed to oblivion anyway.'' 
 
 `` But does Josh like her though?'' 
 
 `` PROBABLY NOT,'' Araxanor roared, and then, his conditions met, he vanished in a puff of sulfur. 
 
 `` GOD,'' Jess snapped. `` Mindy, you summoned us a fucking LOSER.'' 
 
 `` This was SUCH a waste of time,'' Tiffany agreed. `` I'm telling Chad you shit your pants in gym last week!'' 
 
 `` You guys suck,'' Mindy said, mortified. `` Look, I'll summon him back. He'll definitely answer us next time.''
