[ WP ] Write the most elaborate , over-dramatic , and exciting story you can think of that all just turns out to be a set-up for a pun so horrible I 'll want to punch you

The sand started to strip paint off our Humvee, I did n't even know that could happen. Guns jammed up after all the fighting, and ammo was scarce. Water? It was best to try and forget that it exists. 
 
 Our captain died a few days ago after our Humvee ran out of fuel. His arm ripped off by wolves later that night. We had to hide a ways away, too afraid to make much noise. They sure made all the noise they could though, bless Captain's heart. I became the leader that day, a sergeant that just earned his pin. I did n't know what I was doing. 
 
 The radio is running out of juice, we've been turning it on at morning and at night now, finding the highest point we can reach to blast our signal, but it never found command. That's why we're here on top of this mountain, just hoping that our signal will be clear enough to get a contact. 
 
 Hold up, there's a crackle! A voice! Dear god, we did it! 
 
 *Command, Foxtrot reporting. Bring us home dammit! We are at COORDINATES REDACTED and make it snappy! This place sucks! * 
 
 Just before the battery died a corporal at the other end of the line said, 
 
 *You know what really sucks, sir? Vacuums. *
