[ WP ] You 're a robber in a house coming down the stairs with valuable items from the master bedroom . You encounter another robber in the home on your way out ; Write a story about what happens .

`` Hey.'' I called down the stairs. 
 
 `` Wha -- Holy troll shit!'' The man in the ski mask blurted in surprise. His eyes instantly went to the door at the top of the stairs where the master of the house slept. He was half way to the door before I called to him again. 
 
 `` Hey, ding-a-ling.'' I called a little louder. 
 
 `` What?'' He said in a shouted whisper. 
 
 `` Could you hold the door open for me. This shits heavy.'' I hefted the trunk and box I was lugging down the stairs so he could see that I was n't lying. 
 
 `` Not so loud.'' The other man breathed. 
 
 `` Oh, relax. He is n't home. Him and his trophy bride are hitting up a casino tonight. I got dibs on the big screen in the den, but the rest of the shit you can have.'' I reached the bottom of the stairs and saw that his ski mask was n't very tight across his face. Just in the time I'd been talking, he'd had to pull it to side to make the eye holes match up twice. 
 
 `` Like I'm gon na believe you.'' The other burglar declared facetiously. I shrugged as best I could with the items in my hand. 
 
 `` Believe me. Do n't believe me. Just open the door. Okay?'' I looked pointedly at the door handle and whether he meant to or not, he reached for the knob opened the door half way before suddenly stopping. 
 
 `` Who says you get first pick?'' The other guy asked, slipping a hand inside the pocket of his hoody. 
 
 I shrugged. `` I was here first, but aside from that, there is that other thing.'' 
 
 `` What other --'' I did n't let him finish the question. I saw an opportunity and took it. I was pretty sure I felt his pelvis break from the force of my kick. The man's eyes went wide and he kind of froze. I'd kicked another man like that once. He was waiting for the shock of the impact to subside and for the pain to begin. It sometimes lagged if you kicked a man hard enough, and I had kicked him pretty hard. It was like watching an ice cream cone that was slowly melting suddenly fast forward through the rest of its collapse. He stayed frozen for just a moment then his hands slowly gravitated toward the point of impact a cry of pain was slowly being stoked in the pit of his stomach and his whole body seemed to wilt and curl in like the legs of a spider under the biting dagger tip of light pouring from some child's magnifying glass. Then he kind of froze again as the blast of pain washed over him. It was like he'd been frozen in time and time suddenly resumed. He collapsed and screamed and I sighed and walked out through the half opened door. I came back in a moment later and scooped up the television. 
 
 He'd migrated from screaming to groaning and rolling around on the floor. 
 
 `` Well, do n't hold your balls all night. They'll probably be home in three hours. He has to get up early tomorrow.'' I told the other burglar. `` I would n't wait till the last moment to go snooping. I saw a safe in the closet up stairs, but I'm not really the safe cracking type. Welp, good luck.'' I walked out the door and tried to slide the sixty inch television into my car. It would n't really fit. I tried laying it down, laying it flat, and even considered strapping it to the luggage rack on top. Eventually, I sat it down and considered the problem and realized there was a way to get the television in the car, but it required a second person to help me. I glanced up at the house and back at the tv then back at the house. I shrugged in defeat and strolled back up the stairs and into the house. 
 
 `` Hey?'' I called to the other burglar. `` You would n't mind helping me put that tv in my car? It's a little big for me.'' I explained opening the door so he could see. 
 
 `` Go... fuck... yourself.'' He moaned between pain-filled gasps. 
 
 `` Look. You help me, and I'll help you carry the safe down stairs. I did n't find any jewelry in their room or bathroom so she probably keeps it in the safe. Help me, and I'll help you.'' The man on the floor was lathered in sweat from the volume of pain I'd inflicted, but after laying still a moment, he slowly began to push himself up from the floor. 
 
 `` Fine,'' he mumbled, `` but this is n't over.'' He said, cupping his balls with one hand and leaning on the door know with the other. 
 
 `` Understood.'' I responded graciously. `` I was really out of line kicking you like that and all. When we're done, I'll give you a free shot. Okay? I mean, I got it coming to me. You know, karma and all.'' The man gave me a hard look but my calm understanding attitude finally ended with him nodding as if to say, *good enough. * He limped out the front door and down to the steps to my car. 
 
 `` How you think you want it put in?'' He asked. I opened the hatch and shifted some of my other loot to the side so that there was a six inch space between the roof of the car and the stolen merchandise. 
 
 `` I was thinking that maybe you could help me lift. You know, like in a dead man lift and we'll pass it through face up over this stuff. Then, I'll hold it while you go through the back door and lift it so that it slides in over the top of the back seat.'' He was still favoring his balls, but he noticed the flaw in my plan. 
 
 `` It's gon na hit you in the back of the head while you're driving.'' He pointed out. 
 
 `` True. Had n't considered that.'' I studied it a moment longer and shrugged. `` Shit. I'll just have to lean forward or slouch while I'm driving. I was fine with it. Life was about comprises, and even though I was stealing another man's stuff, it was still my life. 
 
 `` Fine. What the fuck ever.'' The man grumbled. He cautiously began to life his side of the television, gingerly shuffling his feet to get in position. `` You know, you could have popped my ball with that kick.'' He griped. 
 
 `` Dude, I already said I was sorry.'' I had n't, but whatever. 
 
 `` I'm just saying. Who kicks a man in the balls for no reason?'' He said. 
 
 `` I thought you were going for a gun.'' I explained. 
 
 `` A gun? What? No. I was reaching for my inhaler.'' He said. 
 
 `` Yeah. I should n't have kicked you. Sorry.'' I said by way of apology. 
 
 He grunted in response and dipped his head. It seemed like he was accepting of my apology. I held the television and gestured toward the side door. `` Open that door and just kind of guide it.'' I told him. The man looked at the door and at me and let go of the television. There was a moment there when I thought he'd attack me, but ended up opening the side door and guiding the television in over the back seat and then the front. 
 
 `` Awesome.'' I crowed, coming around to juggle some of the stolen loot to let the tv lay better. 
 
 `` So, how bigs this safe?'' The man asked. 
 
 `` Huge.'' I replied. `` Maybe six feet tall and four feet wide.'' 
 
 `` How the hell we going to get that down here?'' He asked, leaning on my car for support. 
 
 `` We are n't. It's built into the wall. Really quality craftsmanship. That's why I did n't take it, but dude, it probably has so nice shit in it. Good luck.'' I told him, closing the hatch. 
 
 `` You said you'd help carry it down.'' He argued. 
 
 `` Yeah. I lied. I'm a thief. Thieves lie.'' I walked around him and opened up the drivers door. 
 
 `` You... You son-of-a-bitch.'' He declared incredulously. 
 
 `` I'm also a bastard, but it's more a circumstance of birth.'' I quipped, turning to regard him. He was still leaning on my car. `` Mind your toes.'' I warned. He moved his foot, but still leaned heavily upon my car. 
 
 `` Fuck you.'' He cried, stabbing exchanging his balls for the contents of his pocket. He pulled out a small pistol, but he'd grabbed it by the muzzle and was trying to flip it around one handed so he could turn it on me. I pushed the back door of the car closed, meaning to rush off. In his mad dash to turn the fire arm on me, his thumb slipped over the back jamb for rear car door he'd opened. I winced as his thumb made a loud crack as the door broke it. He ripped his hand from between the door and jamb and bellowed in pain, but still tried to juggle the pistol so as to threaten me. 
 
 It was actually pretty deft the way he spun the pistol in his palm and turned it on me. 
 
 `` I'm taking your car.'' He growled. 
 
 `` It does n't get very good gas mileage.'' I retorted. 
 
 `` Give me your keys.'' He said. I tried to think of a way out of this. 
 
 `` You'll have to ghaa it to get it to start.'' I warned, holding out my keys for him to take. 
 
 `` What?'' He demanded meanly. 
 
 `` Ghaa. You'll have to ghaa it to get it started.'' 
 
 `` What the fuck is ghaaing?'' He asked, confused and growing increasingly cross. 
 
 `` Are you fucking serious?'' I asked in disbelief. 
 
 `` What the fuck is ghaaing?'' He demanded. 
 
 I dangled the keys before him. He reached out with his injured hand for my keys. 
 
 `` Ghaaing is when you take the keys and --'' I kicked him between the legs as hard as I could for the second time. 
 
 `` Ghhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!'' He grunted miserably dropping to his knees and then onto his face. 
 
 `` Wow, mother fucker. You're a natural.'' I told him as I climbed in to the driver seat. I peeled out of the circular drive, running over his injured hand in the process. `` Mind your hand.'' I called out the window politely in warning, though the warning came a little late. I pulled out into traffic and signaled my turn with an upraised hand. It'd been a interesting night.
