[ WP ] You have died and gone to hell , but it 's not what you expect . You wake up naked in a field with nothing but trees around you ... it turns out that hell is an early access survival game .

I opened my eyes. I grab my chest frantically and look down. Nothing. No wound. No blood. That's when I realize. No anything else either! What the hell is going on? I squat down in the grass and look around and find I am all alone in the middle of a field. I close my eyes to gather my thoughts. The last thing I remember is getting in an argument with that deadbeat degenerate gambler about the money he owed me. That's when he pulled his gun. It's funny, I never pictured him as the violent type. I figured he would either pay up or I would put him in the hospital. I remember lunging for his gun and BANG. Now I'm naked, I'm in the middle of nowhere, and apparently I'm just fine. That crazy son of a bitch must have shot me with a tranquilizer. Well, he just signed his own death certificate. First Things first though, I need to find clothes and get the fuck back to Jersey. 
 
 I stand up to get the lay of the land and try to figure out where I am exactly. The trees are green. The flowers are blooming. That ca n't be right. When I was on my way to see that piece of shit, all the leaves were red and orange and yellow. What is going on here? I ca n't have possibly lost 6 months of time... That's when I notice the smoke. There is a campfire or something not too far ahead in the woods. I swiftly make up my mind to creep up and check it out. If everything looks clear I am gon na steal clothes and a car to get the fuck back home. 
 
 As I not so stealthily make my way closer to the campsite I see it looks clear. No car. Fuck. There is a tent however. Maybe there are some clothes. I slowly creep up to the tent. Just as I am reaching for the flap I hear quick quiet footsteps coming from behind. I spin just in time to see a homemade bat coming for my face. I hit the ground hard and gaze up at my attacker desperately trying to think of an explanation for my nudity. He lifts the club over his head to bash my head in. Just before he starts to swing him down I hear him utter the words `` fucking noob''. 
 
 I opened my eyes. I immediately feel light headed and drop to one knee. What the fuck. I'm dead. I have to be. I have been killed twice now. The first time.... I might have deserved that. It was a long time coming anyway. But what the hell is this? I just got my head bashed in for no reason. And oddly, here I am. Same place as earlier. No clothes. No injuries. A grin slowly spreads across my face as I think of the movie Groundhog Day. I can do anything I want. My smile vanishes as I remember that my most previous murderer had called me a noob. I've played plenty of video games in my life to recognize the phrase. I have to go back and try to get him to explain what is going on. It's obvious he knows something I do n't. 
 
 `` Here'', he says as he throws me some cargo shorts. `` Put these on. That thing keeps winking at me'' as he nods towards my crotch. 
 
 `` Funny'' I reply. `` I do appreciate the clothes though. And you not killing me. Again. Now are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on here?!'' 
 
 He breathes an almost annoyed sigh. `` Sit down. You might learn something. And, I think we can help each other''. 
 
 I obediently sit, anxious to hear his explanation. I'm not even mad he killed me anymore. I just need to find out what sort of shit I got myself in to this time. With another sigh he begins his story... 
 
 `` So, I take it you're a bad man. No. No. No need to confirm or deny. I do n't really care. Whatever you were in your previous life, believe me, that's gone. It simply does n't matter anymore. There is no way back. Where we are is a mystery to me too. It's an island. But there is no land in sight and I have never seen a plane overhead or a ship in the water. At first I thought I was in heaven. I vividly remember dying. And next thing I know I'm waking up here in this apparent paradise. I wandered around for a few hours until I came up on this small stone house. I knocked on the door and next thing I know there is a guy on the roof with a bow and arrow. Before he shot me in the face he welcomed me to hell.'' 
 
 I ca n't stop the laugh from breaking free. `` That's funny. You expect me to believe that?'' I say. 
 
 `` Take off my shorts. I do n't want to get blood on them when I bash your head in again. You can have them again if you find your way back to me'' he replied. 
 
 Well, that shut me up. Then I asked the only question I could think of. `` So what's the point of all this? Is there a way out?'' 
 
 `` Not that I know of. As near as I can tell I have been here at least 10 years. My old partner was here for almost 25. One morning I woke up and he was just gone. Vanished. As for the point of all this... there are 62 other people on this island not counting us. It's dog eat dog. Most people live alone in cabins or stone houses they have made. Some folks run in wolf packs with as many as 3 people. The island provides everything we could need. You just have to be willing to look.'' 
 
 `` Wait'' I interrupt ( what can I say. It's the New Jersey in me ) `` you said you had a partner. You mean like your boyfriend?'' 
 
 For the first time this mystery man laughs `` Nothing like that. We watched each other's backs. We became friends. We built a house together and were in the process of fortifying it when he disappeared.'' 
 
 `` Where did he disappear to?'' I ask. 
 
 `` I have a theory about that. As long as I have been here there have been 64 people on this island. Suddenly my partner disappears like a fart in the wind, and you magically show up on this island. I think you're his replacement. Maybe he did his time. Maybe he used up all his lives. Who knows. But you're here now and he's gone. So if you're open to it, I would like to offer you a partnership. We work together to survive.'' 
 
 `` That's fine with me'' I say as I stand up ready to move. `` Where's this house you were talking about?'' 
 
 `` Ahhhhh'' he says as he leaned back against a tree. `` Here comes the confusing part... After my partner disappeared our house got attacked by 3 assholes that live on the other side of the island. They killed me and took my sleeping bag. So I woke up in that big ass field, just like you.'' 
 
 `` Sleeping bag?'' I ask. 
 
 `` Yea. If you can find a sleeping bag on the island, you take it. Where ever you lay it down after that is where you will wake up from then on. Until someone else takes it or it's destroyed.'' 
 
 `` Oh my god'' I mumble `` this is like one of those terrible fucking survival games. You know the ones? They been out for years but somehow are always in beta?'' 
 
 `` Exactly'' he replies with a wink.
