[ WP ] `` I was burned , bludgeoned , poisoned and thrown into a river . But not in that order . ''

`` Well,'' I said, `` obviously not. I mean, why would they poison you *after* they'd burned you and bludgeoned you? Clearly the poison had to come first, likely to make you more susceptible to the follow-up attacks.'' 
 
 `` No, the poison was *last*. The river was first.'' 
 
 `` Explain.'' 
 
 `` Well, there I am in the river. The bludgeoning was after that, and it should be pretty obvious - rapids, rocks, you know how it works.'' 
 
 `` Yeah,'' I said, `` because I end up in rivers all the time. What about the burns? Why would they burn you and then throw you in a river? I mean, it's probably not the best treatment for burns but it's at least *a* treatment, seems counter-productive for them.'' 
 
 `` No, the river was first, remember? The burns were after the river. I climbed out. The thing about rocks bludgeoning you in rapids is that it means there are rocks. If you can find some that are n't slippery, you can use them to get yourself out of the river. A difficult task, what with all the water, but not impossible. I got the burns walking back to civilization.'' 
 
 `` Ah,'' I said, nodding, `` sunburn.'' 
 
 `` Like you would n't believe.'' 
 
 `` So the poison was last,'' I said, this time remembering what he'd said earlier. `` They did it because their earlier attempts failed to finish you off.'' 
 
 `` Okay, who is this'they' you keep talking about? I hit up a diner when I got back to town, and I had some bad eggs. Food poisoning.'' 
 
 `` Wait, what? What about the river?'' 
 
 `` I threw *myself* in the river.'' 
 
 `` Why?'' I asked. 
 
 `` I thought a swim would be nice.'' 
 
 ``...'' 
 
 `` I was wrong.''
