[ WP ] A Man dies and expects to go either Heaven or Hell , only to be told by an Angel that he already was in Hell and now his punishment is over

**John**: `` Well gee, sorry Mr. Angel, but I ca n't help but doubt that.'' 
 
 **Gabriel**: `` Please, call me Gabriel — yes, the messenger. And I'm just delivering the message.'' 
 
 **John**: `` Oh! Mighty sorry about that too then, Mr. Angel. It's just that... I had a wonderful life, all things considered.'' 
 
 **Gabriel**: `` That's nice, but as I said before, I have a name; and I have others I need t-'' 
 
 **John**: ``... my beautiful wife and children and grandchildren. I also had my lovely pare-'' 
 
 **Gabriel**: `` Yep. Sounds great! Just clarifying it's Hell, so I can leave now. None of us need to be punished anym-'' 
 
 **John**: ``... and did I tell you about how great it was growing up next to the woods as a child, Mr. Angel?'' 
 
 **Gabriel**: `` \**sigh*\* I know, yes. They were good, great, wonderful, and so on.'' 
 
 **John**: `` You have that right! Experiences that I ca n't imagine could have been punishments in any sense. Mind you, if they were, then I must say they certainly taught me many lessons, but not the ones I'd say punishments are supposed to teach.'' 
 
 **Gabriel**: `` That is *fan*tastic, *John*! And because of that, I'm just going to take you to Heaven myself and be right on my way, so that you can see what a difference it is^^And ^^I ^^can ^^go ^^through ^^this ^^shit ^^again ^^with ^^the ^^next ^^one. `` 
 
 -- -- 
 
 **A few moments later** 
 
 -- -- 
 
 **John**: `` Holy shit! Heaven is so fucking awesome! GTA VR is absolutely lit! \**Chugs Mountain Dew/Dorito smoothie*\*'' 
 
 **Uncomfortable servant**: `` Sire, your limo-hummer is ready'' 
 
 **John**: `` Yeah, hold up. Imma wreck this skrub. Got'im!'' 
 
 **Uncomfortable servant**: `` And your...'vape', sire.'' 
 
 **John**: `` 420 Blaze It! And with the hashtag!'' 
 
 -- - 
 
... and that's basically Heaven right there.
