[ WP ] Every sentient species in the universe receives a Jesus figure from God . It turns out humanity was the only species to torture and crucify him . You 're an ambassador priest informing the Inter-Galactic Holy Church what your species did .

`` No, I'm callin' em.'' The phone pressed up to his ear was the size of a brick. Blocky, grey and plastic. A big floppy antena on the end. 
 
 `` No - comon' stop put that away. This is all just a big misunderstanding-'' 
 
 `` NONONONO-'' He was n't having any of it. I say'he'. *It* was really more of a squirming mass of octopus tentacles, its skin thick with bursting and reforming pustules. One of its many arms slapped wetly at the cellphone, hitting all the numbers at once. When it beeped it sounded like groaning. A monotone that stretched across all the scales. `` It's fucked up man.'' 
 
 `` Do n't be like this. Be reasonable-'' 
 
 `` HEY, back up!'' He slobbered a green mucus spilling out between the large gaps in his teeth. His mouth maybe two feet wide. What looked like a beak appeared in the armpit, nestled inside his limbs defensively. I took a step back. He could not be allowed to make that phone call. 
 
 `` You're sick. You're all fucking sick.'' His tentacles thwapped clumsily against the numbers. `` I saw them, wearing a fucking *cross*-'' 
 
 `` It's not like that.'' 
 
 `` I KNOW WHAT IT IS!'' He thundered, obviously distraught. His arms flailed like loose water hoses - banging the phone down against the table in frustration. `` Motherfucker-'' This time he poked at the keys deliberately. Slowly. Coolly, the rage guiding his precision. 
 
 `` Just give me the phone.'' 
 
 `` I said back the fuck up.'' I could hear it ringing. Once, *twice*- 
 
 `` A whole lot of good has come out this.'' Nagging doubts about condoms in Africa refit themselves to this new purpose. `` You know, it's a symbol now-'' 
 
 `` Shut the fuck up - you fucking killed him! You *fucking* killed him-'' Babbling. It shook its head or at least the top part of the squirming mound that made up its body. I could still hear the ringing on the other end of the line. 
 
 `` He came back.'' I offered, knowing he would never buy the shallow impossible finish of a hard-partying three day resurrection. It sounded weak, even to me. The ringing stopped. 
 
 `` Hello? I'd like to report a-'' 
 
 I pounced. 
 
 
 ********* 
 
 So yeah this does n't strictly follow the prompt. I just think it's a much more fun interaction if the ambassador is someone else. 
 

