[ WP ] You are the newest member of the justice league ; You are Florida man .

`` Home by 3am, that's got to be a record'' I thought to myself, as I took one final swig from my bottle of wild Irish rose and cast it into the street. 
 With a sigh of relief I unlocked the door of my studio apartment, rare were the nights that I actually got to sleep anywhere other then a jail cell. 
 
 Even in my drunker stupor, upon entering my home, I knew something was off. Everything was dark, I never shut off my lights when I leave, better to give people the illusion someone's home to deter break ins. In the center of the darkness I could make out a large chair facing away from the door. Something was definitely wrong, I never could afford furniture. 
 
 I immediately flipped on the lights and attempted to b line it to the closet for my shotgun, but in a feat of grace tripped over nothing and ended up face first into the door. A small chuckle met my performance, groaning in pain I turned to see a man dressed in black, a mask hiding his face. 
 `` The fuck do you want crazy'', I said slurring my speech `` I have no money, no valuables, and no one who cares about me enough to pay a ransom.'' 
 
 The dark figure slowly stood, his stature was massive, his outfit I could now see was some type of armor fitted with blades on his wrists. In a voice sounding oddly robotic in nature he said, `` Your reputation proceeds Erick''. 
 `` What reputation? Being a lowlife alcoholic'' I replied. 
 
 He slowly started pacing the room, only stopping to pick up an empty forty off the ground. `` Florida man drunkenly, fights off 30 cops while vigorously masturbating. Florida man enters gorilla enclosure and wrestles beast to submission. Florida man breaks open bank vault, only to be found passed out on vault floor. Florida man passed out on tracks derails freight train.'' 
 
 `` That one was an accident'' I mumbled. 
 `` You are special Erik,'' replied the dark figure. `` You have power that you can not even comprehend.'' 
 
 `` Spit it out already, what do you want!'' I yelled. 
 `` I'm putting together a team Erick, a team of special people with abilities, I want you to be part of it.'' 
 
 `` And just who the fuck do you think you are'' I said increasingly agitated. 
 
 `` Really dude?'' Said the man in disbelief. `` Black armor, cape, mask, giant bat on my chest........ I'm fucking batman.'' 
 
 
 

