[ EU ] Write an entry for the Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy

Galaxy: Milky Way 
 
 Sector: Z 
 
 Name: Earth 
 
 Population: a lot 
 
 Intelligent life: ~~Cars~~ Humans 
 
 If you find yourself in the farthest reaches of the universe, near the places where all the parties have already fizzled out, be sure to visit the rustic planet in the smallest spiral arm of the Milky Way Galaxy. Here exists a rocky water world ironically named Earth. On Earth you will find a spectacular assortment of different terrain: majestic mountain ridges, endless seas of blue and turquoise, beautiful almost-ageless forests, deserts so wide and desolate that the night sky burns bright in the heavy darkness. On Earth, you can find whatever your little heart of gold desires. 
 
 There is one drawback. Humans, the dominant so-called intelligent species*, haven ’ t yet evolved enough to enter the Intergalactic Federation. As such, this species has never met people from other worlds and this guide strongly recommends you stay hidden during your time on Earth. 
 
 Based off their treatment of Earth alone, humans rank as a 10 on Clee ’ s Space Race Psychopathy Scale. They pollute oceans, cut down trees, blow up entire mountains, butcher millions of animals, suck up all the ground water and oil and gas. They use and use and use and wonder why the ice caps are melting. The constantly, incessantly war with one another. And why? Why for money and god. Oh, god. The inconvenience is real. 
 
 There have been several documented cases of those who have come into close contact with humankind. 
 
 Quidquar of Jebleb 8 was reported missing 8 Gleons after he left his homeworld, his wife, and his kids behind to explore Earth. Authorities later discovered he had been kidnapped by the human government, taken to an underground holding cell, and interrogated for hours about the secrets of the universe and something called “ ancient astronaut theory ”. Quidquar adamantly told them there were no secrets, only love and death and was promptly tortured. He was later rescued when the leaders of Jebleb agreed to give the humans a beaten up scrap space ship that no longer worked. The humans kept talking about “ reverse engineering it ”. 
 
 Yes, Earth is a grand place to explore. The land is awesome, truly. Just beware of the humans and if you happen to get caught on camera, captured, or found out in any way, just remember: DON ’ T PANIC. 
 
 *Really just hairless, upright walking, talking monkeys. 

