[ WP ] An alien species that never evolved the ability to hear has to describe humans to its superiors ( they have txt based lanauge ) .

`` Sir, we have intercepted their message!'' 
 
 That'd be Officer Joe, the company sergeant. Always proper protocol for him. There's always these types all over new alien contact. No fart jokes or innuendos with him around. 
 
 `` I'm no Sir, Joe. What does it say?'' 
 
 `` That's the problem, Sir. We have the data, but we do n't have the decoder ring yet. We are missing something key to their communication structure.'' 
 
 Communication structure. Structure. These new guys were diminutive in size, and had no real bone structure to speak of. In many ways they evolved like us, in the water, but instead of focusing on hardening and protection their evolution schema was all about cooperation. So they evolved to work in groups early and communicate effectively using chemical secretions. 
 
 `` That's it! ``, I said and communicated that to Joe. 
 
 `` I'm afraid that I still do n't understand, Sir.'' 
 
 `` Their physical structure prevents them from fully comprehending sound waves. Our ears are really sensitive compared to the rest of our bodies for sound waves, but imagine if our whole bodies vibrated to the sound waves.'' 
 
 `` That would explain why their reaction to our first physical contact... They must have thought we were attacking them. So how do they communicate'' 
 
 `` It seems that it is mostly chemical, although we are missing something. Chemical communication is common, even back on Earth, but they problem with it is that it is really really slow at long range communication. If they built a space-faring civilization on just how bad their sock smelled I'd be damned impressed.'' 
 
 `` Please Sir, keep the jokes to a minimum. We both know how easy it is to impress new alien races on first contact. Remember the Jorjacks?'' 
 
 `` How could I ever forget their ugly faces. I wish I could just un-see those... teeth...!!!! SIGHT!'' 
 
 `` Sight?'' 
 
 `` For long range communication they relied on sight. They would do this neat trick to relay information: secrete a special chemical and all of their direct neighbors would form a complex 3-D pattern, which another relay ( miles away ) would replicate perfectly. God, Our 20-20 vision would be considered legally blind.'' 
 
 `` Can you slow down, Sir?'' 
 
 Ignoring him, I start scribbling on a napkin. `` Layers... refractions... distance... God, the competition required for this level of adaptation...'' 
 
 Joe stands patiently by -- he's seen me in this mood before. 
 
 I sit back and look at what I have. It's crude - I know, but it's probably the closest thing we have to a Rosetta stone for these creatures. 
 
 `` Get me the message, in it's raw binary form. And stop calling me'Sir''' 
 
 `` Right away, Sir'' 
 
 After 7 cups of coffee, and a solid 17 hours of work. I have come up with the first couple words. I ca n't help but laugh at their sense of humor. The words were: `` Mostly Harmless.''
