[ WP ] You are a lawyer at Genie Law , a law firm that specializes in writing out clients wishes in such a way that they will get exactly what they want from a potentially mischievous genie .

`` First up, a disclaimer,'' I said to my latest client. He sat opposite me on the fourth floor of Guirguis, Smith and Boutrof; a small man in a red waistcoat. `` I know nothing about standard law.'' 
 
 `` Oh,'' he replied, `` am I in the wrong place?'' 
 
 `` Have you recently summoned a genie?'' I asked. 
 
 `` I think so.'' 
 
 `` And are you worried… wait? You only think so? Have you summoned a Genie or haven ’ t you? ” 
 
 “ He told me he was a Genie. ” 
 
 “ That ’ s all well and good, but has he shown you any proof? You said in your email… ” I paused to leaf through the papers on my desk – I always print everything – then continued, “ that you found a lamp and rubbed it, summoning a Genie. Is that about the long and the short of it? ” 
 
 “ Yes, I guess. ” 
 
 “ Good. Then yes, you are in the right place. ” 
 
 He looked confused. “ But you just said you don ’ t know anything about law? ” 
 
 “ Not standard law, no, ” I replied, “ but Genie law is a whole different thing. We use different terminology and a lot of the time things don ’ t appear to make much sense. ” 
 
 The man still looked a little confused. 
 
 “ Look, ” I continued, “ all you need to know is that I ’ m not technically a lawyer, but if you ’ re worried about a Genie tricking you then you ’ ve come to the right place. ” 
 
 He looked relieved. “ Well, I ’ ve actually used one wish already, and that didn ’ t work out so well. ” 
 
 “ How many wishes did the genie grant you? ” I asked. 
 
 “ Three. Is that normal? ” 
 
 “ It ’ s pretty standard. Sometimes it ’ s only one, sometimes it ’ s five or seven. And he popped out of a lamp, too, which is fairly typical. Sometimes people find Genies in plastic bottles or bags of tomatoes - they ’ re always getting stuck in things. A woman found one in her spaghetti once. What was your first wish? ” 
 
 “ I asked to be rich beyond my wildest dreams, ” 
 
 “ And he coated you toffee, am I right? ” 
 
 “ Liquid meringue, ” replied the mad, sadly. 
 
 “ Huh. Well at least that would wash off easier. And where is the Genie now? ” 
 
 “ Oh, he ’ s waiting outside in the car. ” 
 
 “ Can you describe him to me? ” I asked. 
 
 “ Well, he ’ s smaller than me – maybe about half my size. His skin is orange and he doesn ’ t have any hair. Other than that, he looks very human. One thing is a bit awkward though. ” 
 
 “ Oh? ” 
 
 “ He refuses to wear clothes. He had on pants when I first summoned him, but he ripped them off straight away and laughed. He told me that if I wanted him to put clothes on, I would have to wish for it. ” 
 
 I watched the man shift in his seat. Then he slowly continued. “ One more thing. He keeps wanting me to look at his… his penis. ” 
 
 “ I see, ” I said. I ’ d never heard of anything like this before, but after this many years practicing Genie law I was rarely surprised anymore. “ Can you tell me about that? ” 
 
 “ Well, we ’ ll be talking about something else then suddenly he ’ ll say something like, ‘ Yeah, but what do you think of this? ’ and he points at it. ” 
 
 “ That ’ s unusual, ” I said quickly, “ but you ’ ll need to learn how to ignore it. Sneaky Genies love to use distractions to keep their masters off-guard. He ’ s just trying to cloud your thoughts so you can ’ t wish as specifically as you ’ d like. ” 
 
 “ Oh. ” 
 
 “ Is one of your wishes still to be rich beyond your wildest dreams? ” I asked. 
 
 “ Well, now that I think about it I believe I ’ d be happier if I wished for the Genie to wear clothes and stop trying to show me his penis. I ’ ve got two wishes left, and that seems like it would be a good way to use them. In fact, I don ’ t think I ’ ll be needing your services after all. ” 
 
 The initial consultation with me is always free, and at Guirguis, Smith and Boutrof we pride ourselves on putting no pressure or obligation on a potential client to hire us. The man thanked me as he stood up to leave and I smiled in return. As he closed the door to my office, I couldn ’ t help but feel how pointless the entire encounter had been.
