Grapefruit diet? Goodbye. Cabbage soup? Can it. The Zone? Get out! Here are the hottest secrets, tips and extreme measures -- mostly tongue-in-cheek -- from a pair of New York City freelance writers and their elitist girlfriends who regularly lunch bigtime yet still squeeze into a size 4.When bad foods happen to these good girls, they don't weep after they hop on their scales. They tackle foods low in calories consumed per minute (artichokes, 2.3; unshelled lobster, 3.8). During weekends in the country, forget writing that novel (typing burns a mere 90 calories an hour) and chop some wood instead (1,050 calories).It's okay to lick a postage stamp (one-tenth of a calorie) but if you're stuffed up, skip the NyQuil (92 calories an ounce). And bear in mind that breaking up with a boyfriend usually means losing seven pounds (a custody battle, more than twice that). What do the authors advise if you still have cottage-cheese thighs? Keep your pants on.Weird, wacky look at the real deal.