This book is ruining our marriage- it's obviously been helpful to some people, perhaps their spouses would also go to counseling and perhaps their issues were not as complicated as ours. I found the book to be very condescending and dismissive- breathtaking actually in it's ignorance. It seems to be mostly about sex and blaming; not about developing the intimacy and connection necessary for a healthy sexual relationship. If you or your partner have been abused as a child -the blaming and the use of fear to motivate are likely to cause a lot of pain and escalate problems in communication.